#I think that would probably not be good for his interpersonal relationships. do ya think | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

skiitter · 3 years

Note

Also in my roundabout way I would like to request a Lann ficlet, start with angst but make it happy? or just happy. Or just anything because you are a great writer!!

okay so uh this got away from me but here's 3.8k words of lann pining after the commander and being an idiot in love.

He is not staring. He is restringing his longbow after their latest run in with the remaining demons still lingering in the area, that's it. He is absolutely not staring at his two companions huddled together across the fire. He is not watching with rapt, singular focus at their every interaction, seeking answers in her soft words, his sardonic remarks. The Aasimar gestures rudely with his hands, and she laughs loud, the chorus of it echoing through the empty ramparts. When Daeran dips his head low to whisper in her ear, the skin of her neck flushes and Lann forces himself to look away.

He's pretty sure they're sleeping together. It's hard to know for sure, thanks to his complete lack of experience in interpersonal relationships, not to mention his one and only lover having been someone he'd known since birth. Wenduag was a blunt edge of expectation, and Lann always knew exactly what was happening between them. When it comes to the Commander and Daeran, however, he isn't totally sure.

That unknowing, that gray area of wretched hope, is killing him. Falling for her was not on the agenda, seeing as she'll live for hundreds of years and he's lucky if he's got a decade left. Not to mention that she's (probably) gonna save the world and he's just some Mongrel who's legacy won't extend beyond the small role he's played in the crusade. He's never been a glutton for punishment, what with life underground being horrid enough already, but there is a sweet sting in accepting his unrequited love for her that he can't shake. It drives him, despite it's doomed end, to do whatever he can for her fight. If he cannot give her his heart, he will give her his life.

"You're staring," Seelah whispers, her hulking form crouched next to him as she sharpens her longsword.

"Can you blame me? Looking forlornly into the campfire is just one of my many talents."

Seelah chuckles and jerks her head slightly towards the Commander and Daeran. "Oh you're looking forlornly alright, but it's not at the flames. You should talk to her."

"I do talk to her. I talk to her everyday. Are you saying you don't? Honestly Seelah, she's your commander, you--"

"Fine fine, play coy. I'm just saying Lann, we could die at any minute. Do you really not want her to know how you feel?"

Lann swallows, the ugly reminder of mortality and how the sword strung above him dangles far lower than the Commander's tightening the sinew around his heart. "Sh--she doesn't need any more burdens. The Commander's got enough going on, what with that pesky Worldwound thing." He spares one last glance before turning his body away, enduring the biting cold as the heat of the fire leaves his scaled skin. "She doesn't want to deal with a lovesick Mongrel and really, who could blame her?"

"How could you possibly know what she wants if you don't talk to her?"

"Because it's not her wants I'm concerned with, it's her needs. And she needs me to be good ol' reliable Lann. She needs me to shoot my arrows and kill the baddies. She needs--she needs something she can count on and that something is me."

The Abyss happens all at once and it's a miserable experience for them all. Their time in Drezen made him soft, he thinks, because the camp at the Nexus is horrifically uncomfortable. The ground is somehow colder and harder than any other he's slept on and no amount of fire really chases away the shadows.

They spend a significant amount of time in Alushinyrra, and a significant amount of money staying at the Bad Luck Tavern just to avoid the discomforts of the Nexus. It's on one such expensive stay that a group of frankly moronic thugs try and rob the Commander while she sleeps. Her ever-present and ruthlessly protective Velociraptor dispenses them in quick measure, ripping the throat out of the final victim before Lann even has his bow drawn.

Up until that point they'd opted for three rooms, in groups of two, but they downsize to one after the attack. The Commander's life was hardly in danger but playing with fate isn't something she likes to do, chaotic nature be damned. The tavern owner grumbles but, with a golden incentive, allows them to drag one of the other beds into the room so the sleeping arrangements aren't quite so cramped.

Ember curls up into the Commander's side, her sisterly affection having transformed them from companions to near family. Woljif takes the other bed, offering half of it to Regill. The severe gnome answers him with a severe look and Woljif extends the offer to Lann instead. He glances at Daeran but the Aasimar is already tucking himself into the space between the Commander and the wall. With not a small amount of jealousy, Lann resigns himself to his fate and joins Woljif.

A soft rustling pulls him from a restless slumber some time later and Lann wakes just in time to see the Commander whisper something to Regill, who is stationed at the door, before slipping into the hallway with Daeran in tow. He watches them until they vanish and, as he looks away, makes uncomfortable eye-contact with the gnome. Regill's face is as impassive as always, but Lann feels guilty for some reason, like a kid caught with his hand in the rat cage.

"Is this going to be a problem?" Regill asks him as they head out the next morning. Well, not morning since there is no sun or sky or joy in Alushinyrra.

"Hard to say, this city does tend to be a bit on the rough side," Lann responds.

"The Commander has assured me any physical relationships she has with the party aren't going to be a problem." It's not a question but it's not not a question and Lann looks around to make sure the others aren't paying attention.

"We uh, we aren't in a physical relationship?"

"I know."

"Riiiiiight."

"But you want to be, which is arguably worse. So I'll ask you again, is this going to be a problem?"

It occurs to Lann that he should probably do a slightly better job of keeping his apparently obvious feelings on the Commander to himself. "Uh, no. No, it's not." Regill doesn't seem satisfied but then again, when does he ever? "Is uh, I mean, are the Commander and Daeran--"

"I do not gossip," Regill snarls. "Bother the thief with nonsense like that."

Lann does not, in fact, bother the thief with nonsense like that. Instead, he pushes down the swelling of affection he feels at every interaction with the Commander and focuses on the mission. It goes well enough, all things considered, until Savamelekh shows up and nearly kills him.

The demon's revelations are a bit too much for his overtaxed heart to bear and the subsequent bender doesn't help at all. When the Commander finds him, though, he just babbles on about wanting to prove to her he can be what she wants, what she needs, and that she can trust him. "I want to be somebody you can count on. I don't have anything to offer apart from my bow and my dumb jokes....and my life. And they're all yours, if you want them." He glances away, shame and discomfort crushing him from the inside out. "But I doubt you do, not now that I've let you down."

"....I could never turn my back on someone I care about just like that." She's been talking this whole time but it's these words that register hard and fast. Lann stares at her, and she stares back, and the weight of things unsaid on her face is a blessed curse. He forces a smile, bashful but steady, and pulls away from the conversation. It's too much to think about, especially because hope is not his friend, despite its insistence on hanging around.

Later, back at camp, away from everyone but her sharp-eyed Velociraptor, the Commander comes for him. He's not avoiding her, not that he really could thanks to the nature of their new normal in the Abyss, but he's not not avoiding her either. He's sitting at the edge of the cliff, staring out over the sea of fire and the city of demons. She sits beside him, shoulder to shoulder, and they are quiet for a long time.

"Next time I get drunk and come to pour my heart out to you, I'll jot down notes first," he says lightly, glancing at her. Her face is hard to read, not the open expression she'd given him back at the tavern, but he knows her well enough to know she's bothered by something. "I'm kidding of course. I'd never do that -- I don't do notes, I improvise."

"Why do you do that?"

"Improvisation is just one of my many skills, honed from my illustrious life as a Mongrel hunter. Sometimes, you got out to hunt for some rats and end up fighting a--"

"Lann, stop." He does, if only because her tone is firm. "Why do you always demean what you say with humor?"

"I'm....funny like that?"

She scowls at him and her raptor lets out a soft hiss. He's pretty sure they're connected, somehow, because otherwise that would be just plain freaky. "I love that you're funny, Desna knows we need something lighthearted with Regill around, but sometimes I--" She falters, his rocksteady monument of a Commander, and it scares him. "Sometimes I just want you to tell me how you feel."

His heart races, and hope is such a dangerous, cruel thing. "I did tell you how I felt...I meant what I said, back at the tavern. I...I'd do anything for you." The confession settles between them, demanding to be addressed.

"For me, or for the crusade, for the cause?" She's asking him a different question, he thinks.

"I--"

"Because Lann, I--you are--"

"What about Daeran?" He says it in a rush, because he can't handle whatever it is she's trying to confess.

"What about Daeran?"

"Aren't you--ya know--"

"Lann, would you do anything for me or for the crusade? To whom are you pledging your life too? Is it me? I need to know because I cannot carry on like this."

More shame, some more guilt, all for Lann. Of course his unwanted affections made her uncomfortable, of course he took her caring treatment of him to mean more than it was supposed to. He wants to leave, because he also kind of wants to cry. "Commander..."

"Not commander. Lann, please for this moment can I just be a person to you?"

She's crying, for some reason, and he doesn't know what to do. "You're always a person to me. I--you know that."

"To whom do you pledge your life?"

In the end, he knows what's more important. "The--the crusade." Lann knows that she needs to be able to rely on him without thinking he's reading into her every action, her every word. His wants are second to her needs, just as it should be.

Her face crumples, though, and the twist of her mouth breaks his heart. "Right. Okay. Of course." She stands, dusting her robes off and refuses to look him in the eye. Lann realizes immediately that he's said the wrong thing, despite his efforts to do the exact opposite.

"Commander--"

"Have a good night, Lann. Thank you for….thank you for clearing that up."

Her raptor snarls at him when he stands up to stop her and she is gone.

The next day, she announces they are heading deep into the heart of the Abyss. And, for the first time since he followed her out of the dark and into the sun, she leaves him behind.

Six months. Six long, bloody, dangerous months. He runs point with Greybor, struggling to keep the Commander's hoard of refugees safe, and spends each watch with Solsiel, pointedly not talking about their missing leader.

Several times the idea of her death comes up and he stops fighting against it. He's pretty sure they'd leave but there is no where to go. Groups of demons hunt them for sport and it's a miracle he's able to keep himself in one piece. Nenio is insufferable. Seelah is too positive. He misses Ember, and Wolfji. He misses Regill and his cold practicality. He misses the Commander and the smile she used to shoot him when he'd struck down an enemy in their path.

Eventually, it's just the five of them left. Every other life she'd saved has been systematically eradicated by the horrors of the Abyss. Still, they wait because what else are they supposed to do?

She returns, of course, because she's more myth than woman these days. What was six horrific months in hell for those left behind, was less than two weeks for them. Two weeks. The Commander doesn't cry when she sees the devastation that's been wrought in the wake of her absence. Her left hand trembles, but she stays strong. Just as quickly as they'd come, she shows them the way home.

Drezen is in shambles and it takes another week just to kill the demon forces that have taken their city. In that week, she treats him as warmly as she does Greybor. That is to say, her polite indifference is breaking him.

As things return to normal, and he contends with the loss of his tribe, Lann considers what to do. He's messed up, somehow, and he's spent six months worrying over it. He's pretty sure she wanted him to admit that it was to her he swore his life. He's pretty sure he knows why. A (admittedly short) life spent hunting for things unseen and he completely missed the things she'd tried to say.

He misses her feverishly. She's busy, daily, managing the shambles left of her crusade armies after the Queen had her way with them. The party has yet to leave Drezen since returning and Daeran has yet to leave the Commander's side. Lann feels replaced, usurped, and he cannot take it anymore.

Her door is shut, but there is candlelight spilling out underneath. Before the courage leaves him, he knocks and calls out her name.

"Lann?" She opens the door and he's half expecting to see Daeran, arrogant and naked, sprawled across her bed. Instead it's just her, exhausted and anxious, looking at him with a guarded expression. "What's wrong?"

"Oh, ya know, just everything." He tries for humorous but it comes out pathetic and they both frown. "Can I--can I come in?"

She steps aside, allowing him entrance. He's never been here, in all his time in Drezen, and while he's not totally sure what he expected, it's still a surprise. Her quarters are small, smaller than the house she'd given him upon their initial taking of the city. The desk is covered in maps and missives, and her gear is in a pile by the door. The raptor has a bed, set up beside her own, and Lann is pretty sure it looks far more comfortable than the Commander's. There is nowhere to sit so they both just stand there, awkward and uncomfortable, as she closes the door.

"What's going on? Have you heard from the clan?"

That particular sting of worry rolls over him and Lann shakes his head to push it away. "No, not yet. All quiet on the Mongrel front."

"I'm sorry, Lann." She reaches out for a moment, as if to comfort him, but stops herself short. "We'll find them, I promise."

"I didn't come here to talk about the clan."

"Okay."

"Boy, is this awkward. Uhm," he clears his throat to buy time. "Do you remember that last conversation we had?"

Her expression becomes an echo of the one she wore that night. "I do."

"I uh, I would like to do it over again."

The Commander narrows her eyes. "Why?"

Lann runs a hand through his hair, and stares at the wall beside her because if he looks at her, he'll fall apart. "I think I messed it up."

"Lann, you don't have to do this."

"Yeah, I kinda do."

She shakes her head. "It's okay I know that--what you said it's--we're fine."

"You were gone for six months, ya know. Six shitty, ugly months. You've never left me behind before." It's not an accusation but she flinches anyway. "I had a lot of time to think. Not a lot else to do, really. Well, aside from entertaining Nenio and rejecting Camellia's frankly terrifying propositions."

"She asked to sleep with you?" The Commander is suddenly furious and Lann is shameless in how warm her indignation makes him feel.

"Well, not in so many words and really, I'm kind of dense, but sneaking into my bed at night was--"

"Did she hurt you?"

"I--what?"

"Did she hurt you?"

"I--I don't know what you think sex with a Mongrel is like--"

"You slept together?" Her fury simmers down and turns her face cold.

"No! This isn't about that. I don't want to talk about Camellia. It was only once and--no. She didn't--we--nothing happened."

"You could--"

"Commander, excuse the insubordination here, but please shut up. This isn't easy and I'm losing my nerve." She frowns, but stays silent. "I want to change my answer."

"To what question?"

"To the one you asked me that night. I lied."

"What?" The inflection is too hopeful and Lann forces himself to look at her.

"It's not for the crusade or the cause or the world. It's--it's for you. My life, I mean. I'm pledging it to you. I misread things, I didn't understand what you meant. I--my life, my bow, my dumb jokes, it's yours." He struggles not to fidget, or downplay what he's saying with humor. She's staring at him, and she's crying but this time he knows why. "And my heart. If--if you want it. It's yours."

"Lann," she whispers and closes the gap between them. Her hands come up to cup the sides of his face, and they are trembling. It's a perfect match to his own shaking nerves. "Are you sure?"

He laughs, and it's watery. "It's hardly something precious to me. It's just all I have to give you and--and well really, it's already yours."

"How long?"

"Ugh no, the last thing you need to know is how long I've been pining over you."

"It was the Gargoyle attack for me, the one at the camp." She confesses it so easily, and he's rendered speechless. "When it was you that came to find me and tell me everyone was taken, my very first thought was relief; relief because they didn't take you." She presses her forehead to his own, their noses brushing. "From the moment we left for Colyphyr, I regretted leaving you behind. I could barely focus for the first few days because I was so worried about you. Every day I woke up, expecting to see you, to talk to you, and you weren't there and it was my fault. I was so mad at myself for letting my stupid feelings get in the way but the thought of having you near and knowing you'd never want me that way it--" her voice breaks and he wraps his arms around her, holding her tight.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I should have realized what you were asking, I--"

"No, I'm sorry," She pulls back to look at him. "I'm so sorry I didn't just come right out and ask you how you felt. I was just scared, scared of rejection and what I would do if you said no."

"I would never--I love you." He reddens from ear to tail and he immediately wants to take it back.

Her eyes widened. "You do?"

"Well, I didn't really want to just come out and say it. I was hoping for a little more romance. Some candles, maybe a rat shaped pastry or two. We could probably get someone to play--"

"I love you, too." She captures his mouth with her own before he can stumble over anymore words and Lann relents happily to her efforts. She kisses him like he's always wanted to kiss her, all passion and tenderness, and disgustingly sincere affection. Their arms wind around one another and she pulls him to her bed.

Lann stops her. "We don't have too, really. I know I'm not exactly easy to look at--"

"Lann. I’m only going to say this once, so pay attention.” She sets him down beside her and once more takes his face in her hands. “Don’t you ever, ever talk about yourself that way again, okay? I love you, all of you, every bit and I want you, in any and every way you’ll let me.” She kissed him again, softly. “We don’t have to rush into anything, and you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do. Just--just please know that, regardless of what you’ve been told, you’re beautiful and--and I will happily take you to bed every night.”

“Just to bed?” He aims for suggestive and, every bit the archer, he strikes true. “But there are so many other places I wish to be taken.”

“We’ll have a veritable world tour of it, but for now, can I have you here? Because this is all I’ve thought about for months and if I don’t fulfill that fantasy, I may die.”

“Regill would have my head for that.”

“He is possibly the least sexy person you could bring up at this point in time.”

Lann crowds into her, forcing her backwards until he has her pinned beneath him. “Imagine the report I’d have to write: Knight-Commander of the Fifth Crusade dies because local Mongrel fails to fulfill her sexual fantasies.” He kisses her once before moving his attention down the breadth of her jawline, and onto her neck. Her breath hitches, pressing her body up into his. “Good thing that’ll never happen because I’m a terrible writer.”

“Lann,” it’s nearly a whine, only just, but it’s enough to make him shudder, “please.” He’s always been excellent at following orders and there is no reason to stop now. Whatever she needs, he thinks, whatever she asks, he’ll give. It’s a scary thought, but it’s the only one he’s had for it feels like his whole life. Her hands snake across the skin of his chest, pulling at his armor with frantic hands. “Let me see you. Let me touch you.”

He relents, and soon they are but a tangled mess of limbs. It’s nothing like he’s known, but he’s ruined forever now. He’s hers, like he has been since that serendipitous moment beneath the ruins of Kenabres, and to his unbelievable shock and surprise, she is his.

#pathfinder: wrath of the righteous #pathfinder wrath of the righteous #wrath of the righteous #lann #lmao holy fuck this got away from me #its p good tho #we love a good angsty pine #thank u anon #sorry this took me a few days!#skitterfics #Edit: Some of Lann's dialog is taken straight from the game #i don't wanna try and pass that off as my own obv

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amor-immortalem · 3 years

Text

I Think I'm OKAY

genre: Angst, hurt comfort

length: two parter

warning(s): Feelings of abandonment, self-depreciating thoughts, suicidal thoughts (briefly), feelings of not being good enough, feelings of being unneeded and unloved

A/N: its just been a day guys. And Ive been think about this all day so I just wrote to get tge thoughs out of my head.

this takes place a few months after the epilogue of Everything Undesired where Azalea is still coming to grips with the fact that she's not her father's heir like she always thought she had been. Mammon and Arella really did try to make time for her but things just never worked out in their favor and it ended up giving their daughter abandonment issues.

She’s lost. Not physically but mentally- Azalea doesn’t know where to go or what her purpose is. Ever since her older brother returned from where ever the hell he’s been her whole life, she’s felt more alone than ever before. From her parents being busier than ever helping Cyrus readjust to life here in the Devildom to her twin brother being curious enough about their new older brother to spend all his time trying to get to know him, no one has time for Azalea any more.

Whenever she tries to reach out to either her parents or her brother she gets blown off. It’s always ‘I’m sorry, I couldn’t make it.’ or ‘I’m sorry, I forgot that was today.’ Forgot? How does one just forget about their child? And Azalea is sorry too. She’s sorry for existing. Maybe everyone is just tired of her. Maybe they didn’t need her anymore? After all, she was just her father’s back up plan. A back up plan. Yeah, it sounded as bad as it hurt- to think that’s the only reason he kept her around all this time. Despite how she might try, all she could ever do is fuck up. Why would her parents ever need a child like that?

She feels abandoned, unneeded. All she ever wanted was to make them proud- she pushed herself to maintain the perfect grades just for their praise. Hell, she’d even forced herself to take advanced placement and honors courses just for their approval but they hadn’t even noticed. And it’s not like she hadn’t tried to show them. The last report card she got in her last year of middle school had a note attached to it stating that when she entered RAD, she’d be welcomed into the advanced courses but of course they had been too busy to even look. Both of her parents assumed nothing had changed so they just didn’t need to see something they had seen hundreds of times already.

Why did they stop loving me? The half-demon thinks to herself, Was it all the fights? Was I not good enough for them? I wish I could make them happy the way my brothers do. I wish I was perfect like them, maybe then they wouldn’t have forgotten about me. Maybe I would still belong. What did I do wrong? Azalea can feel the tears dripping down her face. I’m crying? Again? Pathetic. People like me don’t cry.

She hurriedly wipes them away as she looks up at the stars that dot the night sky of the Devildom. She’s pretty high up on a rooftop. She wonders if a fall from this height might kill her or would it just leave her badly injured- the idea’s tempting. She’d come up here to clear her mind and sort out her feelings with how things had changed- how everything she thought she was meant to be had been ripped away from her, but it had just made things worse. She thought she was okay with all this change but after trying for months to find something new to do with the rest of forever, she found out the only thing she was ever any good at was getting into fights. Sure, she’d taken up sports on her uncle Beel’s suggestion but that led to even more pain when time after time, neither of her parents could be bothered show up.

Her phone lights up with a text from her father.

Dad:

Why weren’t ya at dinner today?

Azalea:

Why weren’t you and Mum at my meet today? Ya know like you promised ya would be?

Dad:

‘Zay c’mon don’t be like that. We said we were sorry but something important came up and we couldn’t make it

Azalea:

Sure whatever you say old man

Its what you always say

It's always something more important ain’t it?

Something more important than me.

Dad:

Azalea

Azalea:

Shove it old man. I don’t wanna hear it right now.

She always gets the short end of the stick. For parents that claim they care about her, they sure had a shitty way of showing it. As the family’s resident trouble maker, she’s not good enough for them. Whatever, she doesn’t even need them anyway. She deserves better than a family that doesn’t care. A family she no longer has a place in. And that was fine by her. Now that she’d finally admitted it to herself, she found it would be easier to ignore her entire family and live life depending on only herself.

With a shuddering huff, the girl shuts her D.D.D off and shoves it in her jacket pocket. She leaves the roof top, still in tears headed for the House of Lamentation.

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“Arella, I have to go and find our daughter.” Mammon sighs as he gets his jacket on.

“She’s still upset about the track meet, isn’t she?” The black-haired human frowns “If you’ll give me a moment, I can ask Aurelius if he’ll watch Mahlon and I’ll go with you. This is something we should address together.”

“I don’t think we got the time to waste, Hon. She stopped respondin’ ta my texts and isn’t answerin’ her phone. If I don’t go now, she might so something to herself. I’ll be able to cover more ground quicker if I fly since she could be anywhere- even up high where we wouldn’t be able to see her that easily.”

“Then go on, I’ll talk to her when she gets home.” Arella nods as her husband leaves.

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She enters her room through the garage door entrance. She really didn’t need to considering Azalea was the only one home currently. She knew Aurelius and Zulima would be gone for the rest of the weekend but still she locked her door to prevent any unwanted visitors- mainly her parents as she knew they’d probably come looking for her after the message she’d sent to her father earlier.

She looked over at the stack of unopened akuzon boxes- all gifts sent to her by her parents as ‘apologies’ for various things. Yeah sure, gifts were nice when they were for things like birthdays or Christmas but not when they were used as a way to placate her feelings when her parents missed things like track meets or science fairs or school functions that they promised they would be there for. It felt like a shallow apology so Azalea never opened any of them. They were starting to collect dust now.

Just because greed is her sin doesn’t mean its satisfied by material objects alone. There was more to it than that. Her sin specifically manifests with being greedy for healthy interpersonal relationships- things like money or material objects only did the bare minimum to help keep it under control and satisfied. She wanted her parents’ attention and only that so when they failed to keep their promises, it hurts her deeper than either of them understands- Azalea doesn’t even have the words to describe how it hurts her.

As she plops down on her sectional and flips on the projection of stars and constellations from the human world to calm herself down, she thinks about the way her greed is eating her alive as she turns on some music- a song her friend from the human world showed her called ‘I Think I’m Okay’. It was a song she really related to for some reason. As the song plays on loop, she thinks about how when she was younger- before her youngest brother was born- she was always of healthy weight and body condition. Nowadays with the lack of ability to satisfy her sin, she was just skin and bone. Despite eating constantly, she always feels like she’s starving and she’d be lucky if she weighed in at 90 pounds soaking wet- all of it coming from the weight of her bones and muscle. Her body is just burning through everything too fast and at this point Azalea doesn’t know whether or not she even has the energy to waste to transform into her demon form anymore.

The half-demon hears a faint knock at the door. Maybe if she doesn’t answer then whoever it is will get the hint and go away. As she watches the door open, a scowl appears on her face. Of course her father would pick the lock on her door. She doesn’t know why she’s even surprised right now. He never knows when to leave well enough alone.

“We need to talk...” Mammon says as he sits down on the couch next to her.

“I don’t wanna. Get lost.” the teenager rolls on to her side away from her father.

“Too bad. I’m not leavin’ until we do.”

“Then prepare ta die in here cuz I refuse.” She can’t let him fool her into accepting his apology when she knows full well he doesn’t mean it.

“You really are just like your ma sometimes- stubborn as all get out.” He sighs. “I see ya never opened yer packages. Why?”

She continued to ignore him. How can she get out of this? Maybe if she closed her eyes, she could fool him into thinking she was asleep.

Just get frustrated and leave already. It’s what ya always do when I won’t talk to ya.

She waits an hour, two, three but still he doesn’t leave.

Man is this getting annoying! Why won’t he just give up and go home already?

“Well, since ya won’t talk, I will. Ya know, Mom and I really are sorry we couldn’t be there this afternoon... I know you’re upset about it but we got called to an emergency meeting at the castle and we... kinda... forgot what time it was by time we were done. I know we don’t have a lot of time to spend with ya anymore but things are just so crazy right now... it’s difficult and when ya act like a brat like this it doesn’t make things any easier.” And Mammon realizes too late that he’s said the wrong thing and put his foot in his mouth.

“Right... cuz that’s all I am is a spoiled brat...” Azalea can’t help the way her voice quakes. “I’m a brat because I asked for you and mum to pay attention to me over the boys just this once and you two let me down and now, I’m getting blamed for being as upset as I am. Yeah, that makes perfect sense.”

“Azalea, that’s not what I meant and you know that,” Mammon places his hand on her shoulder to turn her over and is shocked when all he feels is bone and muscles that are beginning to atrophy. “What are you doing to yourself? Yer nothin’ but skin an’ bone, Baby.”

“I’M NOT THE ONE WHOSE DOING THIS TO ME!” she roars as she hops up from the couch. “IT’S YOU TWO. YOU’RE THE ONES DOING THIS TO ME!” and then her voice suddenly drops. “But you would notice that if you spent more than five seconds with me. My greed is eating me alive and it’s your fault. I’ve tried for months to get you or Mum to spend time with me and I get forgotten about every time because something ‘more important’ comes up or you also make plans with Aurelius or Cyrus and choose to do that over spending time with me. It’s either that or you both choose Mahlon over me and it’s literally killing me. I get that they all need you guys too and I’m not more important than them but it feels like they’re more important to you than me. And I hate it because...” She lets out a sob as she sinks to her knees, “Because you two are the most important people to me.”

Mammon looks at his daughter with a horrified look on his face. His only daughter feels like she’s not important to them but she was right in a way. Both he and Arella had been choosing her brothers over her- not intentionally but he can see why she would come to that conclusion. This was a very crucial time in her life having had everything she thought she was taken away and she was lost with no clue where to go. He and her mother should have been right by her side, helping her find a new path in life this whole time but instead they got so wrapped up in work and other things that now their daughter was suffering the consequences.

“No, baby that’s not true.” The demon says as he wraps his little girl up in his arms. “You are so important to us too.” He rubs her back as he rocks her back and forth, “We love you so much and I’m so sorry we haven’t made ya feel like that. We’re gonna do better from now on. I promise, okay?”

Azalea is hesitant to nod. How many times had she heard the word promise and then had that promise broken but even now as she’s wrapped up in her father’s arms, she’s starting to feel the overwhelming weight of her sin slowly start to go away. She just rests her head against his chest as her puffy teary blue to gold eyes start to slip closed ever so slowly.

“Sweet dreams, Princess.” He says as he runs he hand through her hair and places a kiss to the top of her head.

------------------------------------------------------

Find more on my masterlist

#obey me next gen #obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me swd #obey me! shall we date?#obey me angst #obey me mammon #mammon angst #om! mammon #obey me oc #arella #azalea

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edenleicester · 2 years

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OK SO HI i dont use tumblr a ton but my brother (ik he sees everything u posts so hey look i did it) sends me a ton of your stuff and i am a shinonome liker and am the Other person still thinking about classpects in the year of our lord 2022 SO i wanted to first of all say ur art is *chefs kiss* i cant wait for more (well i can wait art takes time but u know in the saying way) and also i wrote up a little something abt ur shinonome assignments bc i think they r big brained and Good God i hope i didnt misidentify the outfits thatd be so embarrassing. ok prelude over:

[these r just basically ripped from dms so sorry if presentation kinda wonky and explanations u already know lol]

...it looks like thief of blood akito and mage of light ena and basically what that means is thieves steal. obviously but they are the "active" ([Redacted long ass explanation you would know]) stealing class, and blood is the aspect of bonds between people. a thief of blood would take (insert what you think here) Away from their interpersonal relationships and use it to further the goals of the party, always a class that pushes things forward but not typically one that is well liked, lol. vriska is the prime example of a thief class in canon, very divisive lol. i think this is a really good akito read and can be summed up in a dialouge between len and toya: (context, len asking kohane and toya if its difficult to have such outgoing partners)

"When it comes to music and his goals, Akito is always super focused. So much so that he's strict on himself as well as others. So in that sense, trying to always live up to his ideals can be pretty difficult."

"I see. I guess that's also what makes it all worth it though, huh?!"

[reading back, i just kinda stopped here lmao well really this kind of dynamic just translates nicely and would probably play out similarly to how akito just. does but with waaaay bigger rpg stakes. although opening up the session to be EVERYONE would certainly make things more interesting, to be ostracised by so many people (as per the thiefs role basically necessitates at the start) has got to really do stuff to ur brain yknow. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ ]

NOW mage of light ena is very fun so mages are also an active class, the active form of seeing and between seeing and the aspect of light things are about to get a lot less straightforward but. mages have full knowledge of theur aspect. seers, their passive counterpart are the typical ~tormented by weird flashes of the future they cant possibly understand~ but sollux, the canon mage of doom just Fully Knows Everybody Is Basically Already Dead and the struggle of the class is trying to NOT let that overwhelming, all knowing power, consume and defeat you. this goes double when we introduce light, which is associated with rose in canon ~going grimdark~, when she makes a pact with an outer eldritch god. vriska, coincidentally, is the other (main) light aspect we have to go off of, and her hubris just totally consumes her at a point. rose describes light as knowledge, but she IS a seer, and vriska describes it as something like luck, but we can take that adaptability and ena and say that light, for her, would be something like self-consciousness. she makes art, takes photos, involves herself in every step of the process to make it perfect-- if this angle is off, theyll notice, theyll hate it, theyll hate me; my art gets less attention, i should change this, do that, be better; this flaw, that flaw, constantly breathing down her neck.

applied to the game, maybe that would spread to consciousness for the entire partys actions? but either way, being in full knowledge of her every consequence would threaten her every move to near paralysis as the mage of light, and her hard-headedness and refusal of the despair of her friends is the perfect thing to raise her to the challenge

ok ya i hope u liked it or can enjoy that someone out there really liked ur art and ideas so much but ya also the vast majority of my info is from when i was in middle school trying to find the right one for me lol but u seem to know more about full session wide ripples and stuff so ya! very excited yet patient for whatevers next in store (saki fans when her death is deemed Righteous :PogChamp:)

oh one last thing. ur mspa style mimicry is Extremely extremely impressive. like. like. i feel like it almost goes without saying but the point of compliments is to say it so it makes me go wild how good it is. Okbye have a good day

omg this is a great analysis and I'm so glad that you're enjoying this au!

I am very sad to report tho that I did give Akito the clownery class, as I could not think of anyone else who would suit bard, you're not the first person to mistake it tho, I think without the codpiece it's unrecognizable. Also, I plan to make Toya's title Prince of Breath, because I think it would be really fun to have those two both be destroyer classes, while also having opposing aspects.

(I havent been able to play proseka since after the first week the eng ver came out because my phone broke, so i basically know nothing about vbs other than what i have learnt from the wiki and what ive seen others say, so there's a good chance I've misunderstood something.)

Destroyer classes start by ghosting their opposing aspect, until finally finding a point to embrace their own. It seems like Akito has a kinda, almost nonexistent relationship with his parents and a strained one with Ena, but has found strong bonds with his friends, and likewise Toya faced pressures from his father but has started standing up for himself and doing what he wants as an individual. (idk if akito helped with that in any way, but if he did then that would be an example of him being a destroyer)

Also, Ena I was having a hard time deciding on a class for, I did draw her as a maid but the mage class looks very similar so I can see how you would have thought that! I'm honestly still not sure on Ena's class, and honestly looking at your analysis it makes more sense to have her as a Mage than a Maid. Luck is one of the things light symbolises, and I had kind of interpreted that for Ena as the concept of talent? As Maid I kind of thought of Ena 'creating' talent rather than it just being something that she already has, but as a Mage I think she would see the talent that others have and understand the best place for them to utilise it, as well as understanding her own abilities, whether or not she thinks that what she can do is good enough or not (I think this is similar to canon idk).

It makes me so happy that people are enjoying this au, and thank you for the kind words on my art! I used to draw a bunch of homestuck au stuff back in highschool so I guess its like riding a bike haha. There will definitely be more to come!

#long post #edenasks #sekaistuck #akito's bard getup did originally have the codpiece but he took it off and threw it off a cliff the moment he came back to life

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vanyelle · 3 years

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Bored as hell and stuck at home, so why the hell not.

Choose 5 OTPs without looking at the questions first.

1) Nandermo (What We Do in the Shadows)

2) Jonmartin (The Magnus Archives)

3) Erasermight (My Hero Academia)

4) Ardeth x Jonathan (the Mummy series)

5) Bubbleline (Adventure Time)

1. Do you remember the episode/scene/chapter that you first started shipping 5?

Dude I got into the series late, so Tumblr had already ruined me. I went in to episode one already shipping them.

2. Have you ever read a fan fiction about 2?

Honestly, I don’t think I’ve read any TMA fanfics.

3. Has a picture of 4 ever been your screen saver/profile picture/tumblr ID?

Nah.

4. If 3 were to suddenly break up today, what would your reaction be?

Oh they aren’t and realistically never will be canon, they’re more of a comfort ship of two people who desperately need affection that I can project aspects of myself on to (namely, the needing affection and being old and tired parts).

5. Why is 1 so important?

They’re two main characters and both are canonically queer. One is a fat Mexican man who is no longer treated as a background comedy character as he’s grown so much through the series. Their relationship is the crux of both of their character developments (though arguably Guillermo could still have a lot of his development without Nandor, a lot of what he does comes down to his affection for and need to protect Nandor; Nandor’s development, on the other hand, has to do a lot with his interpersonal relationships). Their relationship is AT LEAST a canonically one-sided romance with the sincere possibility of it being requited (”it’s requited, they’re just idiots” is the best phrase I’ve heard to describe them), and this is on a mainstream, primetime show. And, may I reiterate, canonically queer main characters on a primetime show, one of which is a fat POC. I love some representation, dudes. I just... I f*ing love this ship. TV couldn’t dream of having this canon even a few years ago, let alone a decade.

6. Is 4 a funny ship or a serious ship?

Serious, I’d think. Ardeth is a pretty serious man, lol. I definitely don’t ship it as a crack ship though, if that’s what you’re asking.

7. Out of all your ships listed, which ship has the most chemistry?

Fuck, right now I’d say Nandermo or Bubbleline. I’d argue that most of the ships I ship have chemistry, but of those two ships, in one the actors have incredible chemistry that they bring on camera, and the other has had the time to develop it, especially after dating, breaking up messily, tentatively becoming friends again, and finally rekindling. Jonmartin ends with good chemistry, but they, lol, did not start the series like that.

8. Of all the ships, which ship has the strongest bond?

Again, Bubbleline has had the time to develop that bond. Otherwise, Jonmartin because it developed through surviving and relying on one another through life or death situations. Nandermo could be up there if they’d stop being idiots and, ya know, let themselves bond.

9. How many times have you read/watched 2’s fandom?

Listened through in its entirety once, but have gone back and listened to ship-related episodes multiple times.

10. Which ship lasted the longest?

Bubbleline, considering how old they both are and that the series is soooooo friggin long.

11. How many times, if ever, has 5 broken up?

Once.

12. If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive, 1 or 3?

Lol, both, I’d think. Though by now I think Guillermo has had enough with zombies.

13. Did 4 ever have to hide their relationship for any reason?

They definitely aren’t canon, but I would think they’d try to hide their relationship and Evie would find out because she’s smart and good at reading her brother. Jonathan spending so much time in Egypt or Ardeth appearing in Britain without there being an apocalypse would probably be a big hint.

14. Is 5 still together?

Yep.

15. Is 1 canon?

Ask that question again after tonight’s episode! Guillermo does canonically have feelings for Nandor, and from spoilers I’ve read concerning tonight’s episode, I think Nandor admits that he “has affection” for Guillermo as well. Ugh I am legit vibrating with anticipation. Less than eight hours to go.

16. If all five ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win?

Don’t you dare make me choose between my children.

17. Has anyone ever tried to sabotage 5’s ship?

They broke up and dated other people in the interim, so sabotage isn’t really the right word.

18. Which ship(s) would you defend to the death and beyond?

Any of them. Fight me. I am small and currently pent up with violence.

19. Have you ever spent hours a day going through 3’s tumblr page?

Oh yeah. Spent hours writing fanfics for them, too.

20. If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the five ships to break up forever, which ship would you sink?

Probably one of the ones that isn’t canon in any way. Or, another option, fight the witch. Have homoerotic close-quarters combat with the witch. Date the witch. Now my ships are intact and I have a witchy girlfriend.

#wwdits spoilers

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jfktalkstomeasacoin · 2 years

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JFK’s Doom Patrol Review of S3E10

I’ll be honest, the middle of this season was a drag to get through. I wasn’t happy with the direction the show was going, I didn’t care about the new characters introduced, and I was ready to stop watching. I am glad to say that this season finale has changed my feelings.

I am a lot happier with everything that happened in this episode compared to every other this season. Instead of more “Sisterhood of discount X-Men”, we got compelling interpersonal drama between characters, like Rita and Rouge, Larry and Keeg. Plus, everyone is getting a good ending! Cliff and Jane are at a good place with each other! Rita is doing something other than being sassy! Madame Rouge is gonna get a redemption arc come S4! the only outliers in this are Vic and Larry.

Vic is a tough character for me to talk about this season. If It’s not obvious by know, I have lived a white experience in America (My genetic make-up is not entirely white but it’s a complicated issue and nun ya business). I have not faced racial discrimination in my life, and I don’t have many people in my life that have (not by choice), so I don’t believe I can give a meaningful statement about the scenes in this season that depict racial discrimination and what that does to a child. I would imagine however that the show tackled the topic well, given the few things I have read on the subject.

Larry in this season has been a rough watch for people who really like his dynamic with The Negative Spirit. I know that some have sworn of the show because of this, citing that it’s just not the same or more personal reasons. It’s not surprising that many would, because a large amount of people seem to really only enjoy Larry and his relationship with The Negative Spirit in this show (or at least an affinity for him that outmatches anyone else). For me personally, I enjoy the direction the writers are taking him and Keeg (Sidenote: I’m making a difference between the alien being inside Larry in S1-2 and the alien being in S3-beyond because I’m not sure they’re the same). I think Larry needs some love in his life that is parent/child based and Keeg is a good way to bring that to him.

This episode is so poetic to S1. When Vic tells Rita “We’re not heroes”, my eyes fell out of my head. I was so amazed when Rita stopped Cliff at the baseball game, not only being able to use her powers, not only being able to use her powers like in the comics, but the two of them saying the exact same lines to each other in the Pilot. Like poetry, they rhyme.

Sometimes i think about how this series will eventually end. What I wanted them to do before i saw this episode, is to finally be rewarded for doing something heroic. When asked who they are, they say, “We’re the Doom Patrol.”, Finally deciding that this is who they want to be. So when Rita started to talk about actually being a Superhero team, I leaned forward into my seat, waited for them to say exactly what i thought they would say, and then Cliff made a Doom Force joke. Funny, but my dreams were halted another day. For the best.

I will have to re watch this season again to make an accurate judgment of it, which probably means I’ll have to re watch the show again. For the 4th-5th time. Idk. Hard to keep track. Ta-Ta for now.

#Doom Patrol #doom patrol season 3 #dp spoilers #doom patrol spoilers #cliff steele #larry trainor #Rita Farr #crazy jane #cant wait for season four #really really really hope that they include Kate Godwin and the Teiresias Wars #it wouldnt be the exact same because Cliff doesnt seem to think of himself as a man anymore but it would still be a good episode or two #i think i'm missing a lot of the risks season one was willing to make in how weird it could get #this season was conventionally weird if that makes sense? time travel and traveling to the afterlife are somewhat comonplace weird? y'know?#there wasn't anything really weird like the decreator or the scants #mostly just a lot of grounded stories with superfluously weird elements #could be misremembering tho #think thats about it for tonight #uhhhhhhhhhhhhh #jfk coin doom patrol forever

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phoebehalliwell · 3 years

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i think one of the other times that charmed (in my opinion) dropped the ball was with christie. making christie half of the big bad they were meant to defeat was a choice and not a good one. the implications of taking a character was abducted as A CHILD and brainwashed into believing the sisters were evil and then instead of oh i don't know redeeming her in the end have her own sister kill her was just fucked up in every way

fr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fr billie INCINERATED her OWN SISTER!!! they made her do that!!!!!!!!!????????? what the fuck????? they like. like. they like. What were they trying to do there. it's like the same thing with richard like i get it's conflict but like genuinely what is the fucking point. like. like if you want to do shady double agent shure i get that it can be fun n sexy bestie behavior one minute and then evil conniving the next. but like. not with a child soldier??? like christy is constantly manipulated and it's like oh she didn't accept us as her home and safety in one week after being psychologically tortured for two decades. lucy liu screencap tear the bitch apart!!!!!!!!!!! like??? i mean they didn't even bother to make her truly evil she was doing all this to protect billie to protect her little sister AND THEN SHE WAS BURNED ALIVEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK. unbelievable. imo tho. i do think the writers were biting off way more than they could chew with girl who was raised by demons after being kidnapped at age nine and now she's like. twenty three. that is way too complex to like. like if you're really gonna dig into the meat of the matter and flesh out exactly what life was for her than you could literally make her kind of her own little ya protagonist like. i'm spitballing but like. she's kidnapped from a very young age and like i remember being that young i was still kinda a spitfire so she's like no no no i gotta get home idk bc this is the triad's doing but they're trying to stay very severed from the operation so they're having some lame ass demon tribe take care of it but like they're not really. it's very much we have kidnapped you now it's time to learn to use your powers for violence like this kid would Not be game and she'd probably try to escape a whole bunch so the triad are like okay shift gears so they get a figure like cole's mom (or it could straight up be cole's mom if we feel so inclined) with a son born from a human so he looks human so she’s already raising one magical powerful kid (who could also end up later being a love interest for christy) and she like. goes to the demon clan and sees how christy's being treated and is like what the fuck is wrong w u and vanquishes all them and is like hi little christy are you okay like were those guys being evil and mean come w me which would be a move strategically done by the triad to tie up all the loose ends of that fail demon clan and also position our demon mom demom as an ally. so christy goes to live with her in her like little demon manor ideally still in the underworld and demom's like so how did you get here are you alright and christy's like i was kidnapped!! they took me away from my family!! and demom's like okay well let's get u back to ur family and they go but oh what's this?? the jenkins family is actually So Much Better Off!! oh no! they look happier without you :( is it because they were afraid of your powers, afraid of you, afraid of something they couldn't understand? no matter, let's go ring the doorbell. oh what's that? u don't want 2 :( aww that's so sad. well, i guess... no, it's just a silly offer really...... but.... if u want.... u can stay w me in my hella nice rich person house and learn how to hone your powers at your own pace not like the killing machine those demons tried to force you to be but instead lived under my protection someone who is not scared of u and who only has your best intentions at heart..... bonus round if billie has a burn scar from christy accidentally lighting her on fire, some extra trauma. so christy is raised basically as demon royalty idk give her some background relationships oh so bonus points if the charmed ones vanquish demom that gives her motive against but just friends and allies in the underworld and when she finds billie again billie's like. let's say in the demon mansion like rooting around because these people took my sister when christy confronts her like hey bitch better gtfoutta my house and billie's like fight!!! and they go toe to toe for a good scene til something happens and billie's burn scar is revealed and christy realizes it's her baby sister and immediately like. complete shift. vulnerability immediately and billie's like what the fuck until christy says her full name (wilhelmina? do u think? willow? elizabeth? middle name something like. outta left field a maiden name like buchanan or rochester) and it's just like. sisters<3. but then there's conflict because hey you were happier without me and billie's like no?? no we were fucking not omg why would you think that?? and christy's like no i saw you and billie's like no that must have been a lie demons lie that woman who raised you she was evil she was the worst of the worst and christy's like hey like you know wait because she was my family she was all i had and she loved me (& for what it's worth, i think she did) so there's this conflict of the world christy knows which is filled with deception but real emotion versus the world outside which is true but is so empty to her. but this is s8 we're phoning it in we're not doing all that. which, then, of course, leaves you w the other alternative of she escaped from the demons very young and has been living like the early seasons of supernatural constantly on the run outside the law fighting forces she doesn't understand with two fist fire and a kickass attitude and then she reunites with billie and there's like of a more interpersonal conflict because billie's grown into a much more independent individual and she's already hella powerful and honestly seems to know more about the craft than christy but christy's being doing this a lot longer and she's survived a hell of a lot worse so there's no way she's gonna let her little kid sister but herself in harms way and billie's like no stop trying to baby me like i can handle myself and christy's like no not a goddamn chance in hell. the reason they're the "key" to the ultimate power is bc it can only be held by one. the other dies to grant the person that ability. that is why they never bothered to take both sisters. instead they put a marker of death on billie, something they now have to both fight to remove

#many thots head full 🤕🤕🤕#christy jenkins #charmed #billie jenkins #margaretsminiessays #💌

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inbarfink · 4 years

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I believe Greg’s claims that his family situation was horrible. When a grown-up man feels like he has no other choice but to run away from his family (remember, Greg was, like, 20 when he left) and then has absolutely nothing good to say about them for years and years later - that’s an indictment of the parents, not the son. They forced him into activities that had nothing to do with his actual intersts (including wrestling which can be... very unpleasant when you’re not into it), and absolutely forbade him from anything associated with the thing he actually LIKED, music. They didn’t allow him to dress and look the way he wanted and not in a “I am not letting my toddler wear the same shirt for 20 days in a row way’, in a “your son is 18 and you are still forcing him to cut his hair the way YOU want it to look”. That’s bad, that’s really bad. Greg wasn’t just sick of a ‘boring, mundane life on the suburbs with too much meatloaf’, he was suffocated in a toxic household.

And I understand why Greg was upset and defensive when Steven started with his ‘maybe your parents had a point’ thing. It must hurt to hear your son, the only family you really have in this world, defend the family you ran away from. Steven’s not thinking totally straight, he accuses Greg of keeping him away from his grandparents but he saw the stacks of unopened letters - implying that Greg has TRIED to keep in contact with them but the DeMayos were the one who refused. He’s focusing on the image of normalcy and humanity that the DeMayos house represents, on school and friends and graduations and home-cooking and adorable spoon collections - and not on Greg feeling they could never accept him and that he had to hide his most treasured possessions from his parents.

But ALSO Greg should apologize to Steven and work to be a better parent. Steven wouldn’t have been happier under an upbringing as strict and overcontrolling as the DeMayos. But Greg’s only two options weren’t “toxic overbearing ‘normalcy’” and ‘living in a van and never going to school’ - he is at fault for going into the absolute extreme opposite of his own upbringing and prehaps of projecting his own desires over Steven’s needs. Steven has told him, quite clearly, that he is upset about growing up without a stable roof over his head, about missing out on school (which both an opportunity for his future and a chance to expand his peer group and make a lot more friends), about never going to a doctor’s (nobody could guess what effect Rose’s healing powers could have on Steven’s body! Steven really lucked out that he didn’t NEED to go to the Doc for most issues, but nobody could have guessed it!) and Greg’s response was just “Yeah, but what I had was worse!”. I understand why Greg’s instincts were to go on the defensive but he is the adult and the dad and Steven is his teenage son it’s Literally His Job to be the bigger person in the argument.

And just as I consider Greg’s seemingly 100% negative feelings about the DeMayos indictment enough that they were shitty parents, then I find Steven’s mixed feelings about Greg as an indictment that Greg’s parenting has been flawed. Steven is currently a very messed up teenager, and Greg is his dad; Steven’s healthy development and happiness is his responsibility! I understand why Greg Turned Up the Way That He Did considering his background, but he is at the very least complicit in many of the Shit That Fucked Steven’s Mental State to the point that it is today. Even if I accept the idea that Steven HAD to live off-the-grid due to being a Gem (and I don’t necessarily. Yeah, his mother is a Space Alien, but his dad is a US citizen and he was born on US soil, he can have a fucking Social Security Number), Greg could have... like... tried to find some sort of structured non-Gem activity that Steven might be intersted in (we’re not going Full DeMayo here) like an afterschool class or something to give Steven a chance to develop his nonmagical skills and bond with more children his age. Which would have lowered the amount of time Steven was stuck alone in the Beach House just waiting for the Gems to come back and allowed him to develop his interpersonal skills and create a bigger support network for himself... these are things that could have really helped Steven in the long-run!

Steven opened up to Greg about his issues (and we know how hard it is to Steven to actually open up!), and what Greg ended up offering to him was more about Greg than about Steven. The message of the “Mr. Universe” song is “you can be free! You can be anything!” and that was clearly so meaningful and touching to young Gregory DeMayo, but it is the exact opposite of what Steven Universe wanted and asked for - some sort of direction and stabillity. And it’s... not the worst mistake in the world for a parent to make, to try and give your kids what YOU want rather than what THEY want, especially when you are dealing with such a complex problem as Steven has. But when you realize the You solution isn’t working... you have to process that it’s not working because they are not You and they require a change is perspective and maaaaaybe they might feel a little hurt that you were projecting on them and might want an apology or at least an acknowledgement that that’s what you were doing and that you’re going to Not Do It now?

If you are a parent and you have a child who is as messed-up as Steven is right now, that is kinda your responsibility bcause your child is your responsibility. If you have a child that is mad at you, you should at least have the self-awareness to think about what you might have done wrong. If your child literally shouts at you something that basically means “the source of all of my problems is the fact that I am your son”, then... that at least requires some self-reflection. Steven said stuff that was Dumb and Wrong and Hurtful things in this car argument, that’s true. He WOULDN’T have been happy under the thumb of parents like the DeMayos, Greg probably was justified in cutting them off, it’s not his dad’s fault that he never meant his grandparents. But inside these dumb and hurtful things there is a kernel of real frustration and hurt. And instead of acknowledging that frustration; Showing some sort of regret for not being able to give Steven a more stable and ‘normal’ home life that he now desires, promising to do better in the future, even just a “sorry I messed up, I didn’t mean to mess you up”... Greg just acts like he ignores it completely.

If your child has an outburst that they was clearly ashamed of and was clearly Pretty Unhealthy, you can’t just say “I’m proud of you, you called me out on my bullshit. And if you do, you can at least, like... acknowledge that things you were called on in any way???? Rather than just make it about yourself and YOUR upbringing and how it was much worse, which... even if ya don’t mean it, comes off as just you ‘proving’ that your parenting style IS right, because, hey! You can tell me anything! While meanwhile your kid is processing that no, he can’t tell you anything, because you are not actually doing anything useful for me right now. When your child tells you that your parenting style was bad and harmful to them, you should not immediately go into the same old routines you always do right after that???

I fear that the whole experience might have made Steven’s question Greg’s love for him, that maybe now he sees Greg’s kind and accepting nature as insincere and just as an attempt to overcompensate for his own issues. Is Greg really proud of him or does he just say it because that’s what he’s ‘supposed’ to say? But I have no doubt that Greg loves and cares for Steven a whole lot and that he raised Steven the way that he did because he thought that was the best option possible and that... the whole situation is just hard for him. Steven is dealing with a lot of issues that he never outwardly displayed to his parental figures before and it’s hard for them to adjust and to know what the right solution is. And it’s just plain easier to try and fall into your regular parenting techniques that always seemed to work before (like giving your child more ice cream and telling them their emotions are valid), rather than try and totally dismantle your approach to parenting in one evening.

It’s important to remember that Greg’s probably not in the best place right now either. Just because I think it is Greg’s responsibility as the Dad to be the bigger person in the argument and see what part of Steven’s complaints are valid... doesn’t mean it’s not also a hard thing to do when he’s also bringing up memories of Greg’s abusive childhood and saying his parents might not be all that bad. That’s gotta make it hard for Greg to think rationally about Steven’s words. And that’s not factoring in the supernatural element in which Steven’s trauma gives him Scary Dangerous Powers and Greg is the squishest, most fragile part of Steven’s family.

But it’s still Greg’s responsibility to make Steven happy and healthy, and on that day, on “Mr. Universe”, he messed that up. And I believe Steven when he says that he messed that up before too. Greg’s not a bad person, but... an apology for the missteps of parenthood is what Steven needed at that moment and what Steven was hoping for, and Greg’s inabillity to deliever it was what caused the rift in their relationship most of all. I mean... The show literally spells that Steven needs to hear some sort of ‘I’m sorry’, not just from Greg, but from all of his parental figures! Remember how “Prickly Pair” ended???

Cactus Steven is a metaphor for Meat Steven, for Cactus Steven to find peace he had to hear Meat Steven acknowledge that he hasn’t been the best parent and that he’s sorry. And it’s no coincedence that Steven has very rarely heard his parental figures apologize to him and that it has yet to happen in SUF, my prediction is that it’s gonna play some sort of part in the finale and with Steven fixing his relationship with Greg and the CGs.

#steven universe #steven quartz universe #greg universe #mr. universe #Steven universe future #prickly pair

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ziracona · 4 years

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please bless me with all of your dbd headcanons even just a crumb would satisfy me,,,,, lmao. Fr tho ur hcs are godly pls give me all of them especially for og 4 and wraif

Thank you!! I’m glad you like my hot takes!

Let’s see, og4.

Jake grows facial hair pretty easy (that part is just canon). Usually he either lets it grow and ignores it till it gets long, or stays cleanshaven, but the in-between stage is physically painful for everyone else at the campfire bc you wake up and see rugged 2day scruffy woodsman stretch and he sees you staring and goes, “What?” Looking thoroughly unimpressed and Meg sheds a tear and Claudette pretends to not be looking and stares at her journal and Dwight gets heart palpitations it’s just bad for the whole group. When he shaves he’s an edgy dumbass and does it with a sharpened hunk of metal he made into a knife for himself and Dwight saw him shaving once and had to go sit down.

Jake has a soft spot for many of the survivors he’s known longer (honestly at this point, he’s pretty attached to the lot of them though), but especially the ones who work really hard at protecting other survivors. Double points if you’re younger than him. He would kill for Claudette, and take a bullet meant for Quentin, but would not convey this to them at all. Jake puts almost zero effort into making sure people knows he likes them. The people he has a soft spot for especially are also not always the ones he prefers to spend time with. While they’re survivors he spends less time with personally, Jake respects Feng Min for being the snarky little gremlin she is, and Tapp’s dedication to his job even here. Weirdly, while the people he likes often aren’t aware of affection, the ones he respects but isn’t as close to usually are aware of the respect. Jake also thinks he doesn’t like having friends and spending time not alone, but he does.

If asked point blank his thoughts on a survivor he likes, he’d probably just shrug or say, “They contribute to the team,” or “She works hard,” or “He’s fine,” because Jake just be like that. He had a hard time getting close to anyone initially because of how he grew up. Jake’s very guarded. He’s used to people manipulating and using each other, which makes keeping anything vulnerable close to his chest just necessary as he sees it. Boy doesn’t trust easy. Or open up. Ya need a can opener. Boy also does not like getting pushed around. Least favorite killers (aside from Nightmare) are probably Doctor and Ghostface, because he cannot stand being forced to do things or used. He’d rather take a chainsaw to the back than have someone lord power over him. He’s also got a looong memory, so if you fuck him over, he is not the kind to forget and forgive. He is the kind to resent and remember. Not that he never forgives people, but boy would have to really believe whatever happened was regretted and the person wasn’t like that anymore to let something that made him very angry go. He’s quiet angry though. Bide your time and get vengeance kinda angry. Would never let someone push him around. If a killer tried to fuck with him, he’d do everything in his power to kill them.

While Jake is tough and likes to hike just to be out and moving, and enjoys toughing it out, Meg enjoys being outside more as a fun thing than a wildnerness lifestyle thing. She has a lot of energy, and even in the realm, all that adhd can be a bitch. It would be easy to focus on the shitty stuff happening and drown in that, so she likes to keep moving, like she has since she was a kid and started running. Meg loves hard, and if she cares about you, she’ll make sure you know it. Not good at shutting up or realizing if she’s been going on for too long, girl has passion for everything.

Meg talks a big game, but does not have as much confidence as she pretends to have. She has abandonment issues, but they’re less, ‘my dad abandoned me’ and more ‘everyone but my mom, from him to grade school friends, hasn’t stuck around,’ so she does worry about that and coming on too strong, which she is aware she often does, but she can’t get herself to turn down the power settings on herself even when she tries. She’s never been good at making friends, so all of this in the realm is kinda new to her, since no one can leave. Meg would tell almost no one those things about herself. She cares hard though, and will try to distract other people from realm despair any way she can, because it’s what she needs and she assumes what they must need too. And to be fair, she ain’t wrong. Good at cultivating activities and drinks loving her friends juice.

Big goofball. BIG goofball. Also big gay. Well, bi af, but w a pretty strong preference for the ladies. She is simple of heart. Sees a girl, loses ability to think. Bonded with Nea over this problem. High int, low wisdom, big dumbass. Her weaknesses include girls’ eyes, voices, accents, freckles, scars, stomachs, legs, ass, titties, hair, hair dye, laughs, hands, eye contact, and cute accessories. Not great at expressing her feelings when she catches them, but tries hard. Actually pretty good at romancing once she gets into the groove. It’s just getting there she sucks at. Loyal as hell. Will go to bat for her friends and would rather die than betray them.

Meg has a real temper, especially when she feels like something being done to her or someone else is unjust/unfair, and will always try to fix those things even when it’s hopeless. Can and will weaponize her anger extremely effectively. Ridiculous memory for pop culture, shit memory for homework and things she was supposed to be doing. Memelord, but with some class.

Idk if this is because I identified with Claudette really strongly when I first started playing dbd or not, but I have always seen her as Asexual & Panromantic. Attracted to kindness.

She gets overwhelmed fairly easily, but has been improving that by necessity since arriving in the realm, and can tap into the mom-friend override to fix problems for people who aren’t her. Has a hard time telling when people are teasing her/joking, but everyone knows this so they take it easier on her than each other.

Like Meg, had no friends before this, so it’s exciting and new, and a little scary, but mostly really good. She worries about other people a lot, and doesn’t always know how to help, but she tries. Very relieved Dwight volunteered to be team leader.

Enjoys recording things and studying. Would be fascinated by the Entity’s world if she wasn’t always being killed. Seems small and weak and easy to take down, but she has the strength of will to kill God herself if backed into a corner, especially when fighting for someone she loves. Sweet does not mean she will not fight back, and since being in the realm, and getting over her initial freezing up at the sight of horrifying murderers, she has worked extremely hard to be brave and take an active roll protecting people whenever she can. She is still terrified a lot, but has learned to push through that to help her friends and herself.

Loves animals, including ones a lot of people don’t like (bugs, snakes, rats, etc) and would and has definitely tried to snag a scorpion and a cockroach from trials to study before, and tried to befriend the realm rats now that they exist. Tries to get Jake to show her how to get birds to like you but does know how to ask him right.

Nervous about interpersonal relationships and unsure of herself. Really likes everyone but horrible at telling how other people feel. Feels like she always comes off wrong and can’t put words to things well even when she understands them super well. Does her best 24/7. Incredibly smart and talented. Knowledgeable about her passions. Is always thinking 4th dimensionally and has saved the team many a time by pulling off wild bullshit that makes sense kind of just barely but no one else would have thought of.

Dwight was a loser and kind of a douche growing up, kind of selfish and entitled and weak, but is no longer that person after a few years in the realm. He works hard to make good on his promises to look out for everyone, and cares about them very genuinely. Great at thinking on his feet and sounding like he knows more than he does, wonderful at regulating tasks to people efficiently, and not a bad strategist.

Being the kind of person now who would not have liked the person he was a few years ago causes a little cognitive dissonance and self-doubt, but he’s trying. Genuinely enjoys hearing about people’s days and interests even when he’s completely lost.

Not a fan of heights. If the fear of heights was not vastly overpowered by fear of sharp object, he would actively avoid the old ironworks in trials, but alas.

Used to play video games a lot. Thought he was good at them. Was not. Was definitely not.

Self-improvement king. Works hard and is a really decent dude. A very good sport. Used to be an asshole, so now that he’s nice he’s pretty damn forgiving if other people put in the work to improve too (my boy’s no hypocrite). Has mellowed out a lot and is pretty chill and nice but the damn fool will break his own heart by taking things people say the wrong way, or things they mean as a joke literally, if it’s something he thinks is true about himself, and will totally miss context and vocal inflection and just be like, “I know but I’m trying TuT.”

Big gay but in denial and confused

Just at this point really does want people to get to go home and be ok. Loves hearing stories and listening to his friends talk at the campfire because it makes him feel like things might be okay. Get the same result just by being near his friends, especially the other og3 who have been with him forever. If they’re all still there, things have to turn out okay someday. :’ ) Has never really told them that, because he’s supposed to be the leader, and thinks they’d feel less secure if they knew he depends on being able to sleep close to them at night to feel like he’ll be okay himself. Not in a they’d judge me way, but in a I really don’t want to let them down way. He wants them to think he’s got a handle on things even when he really doesn’t.

I was gonna do Philip too but I got this this morning and this post is already ridiculously long TuT, so here you go. Plus one mini Philip one.

Philip feels responsible for the young man he saw his boss kill the day the Entity got him. He knows that he killed scores of people unknowingly for Azarov, and those weigh, but he thinks sometimes late at night that if he could have just saved that one, it might have been enough to make him feel absolved someday for all the other deaths on his head. He remembers his face very well, and how terrified he was, and the moment of confusion and relief, and almost gratefulness when Philip let him go. He thinks over and over that if he’d just talked to him–assumed something was up, and gotten him to be quiet. Seen Azarov in time and stopped him. So many little things, and the young man would have lived. Even if the others were things he was completely blind to, he feels like that one is especially his fault, and that he could have stopped it. That one really haunts him.

#long post #dead by daylight #dbd #Philip Ojomo #Dwight Fairfield #Jake Park #Claudette Morel #Meg Thomas #I love doing these but I have like 6000 headcanons and I'm not good at picking one TuT I'm happy to do more but please help me give me an #area to focus on I'm dyin' scoob I'm boo boo the fool #Too many thoughts head full #the wraith #ask #anonymous #In Living Memory #In Living Memory (fic)

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iseulvld · 4 years

Text

hey, it’s chey! i’m here to introduce you to pristine’s main vocal & main dancer, hyun “eden” iseul. you can find his public profile here, his private profile here, his plots here & his pinterest board here. below the cut, you’ll find a beginner’s guide to eden.

PERSONALITY.

infp-t / the turbulent mediator. self-critical, imaginative, idealistic, intense, disconnected, awkward. much like a turtle, iseul is timid in social situations and while he can be open at times, he can retreat into his shell at any given moment. once he retreats, it’s as if he’s disconnected from reality; he becomes oblivious to the world around him, unaware of even the loudest attempts to bring him back. he has a rich world inside of his mind where he feels comfortable and sometimes, it can seep into reality. you could say that he views the world around him as a fantasy movie scene, often creating things that aren’t there. he romanticizes things that should be perceived as face value and can easily develop exaggerated views of objects, places, people and even feelings. it’s not uncommon for him to put others on a pedestal and tear himself down. will accept the blame for anything that goes wrong, even when he’s being treated unfairly. despite being withdrawn, he relies heavily on other peoples’ opinions to feel validated and worthy.

pisces / the fishes. dreamy, playful, emotional, artistic, fickle, empathetic. fully aware of the pain that the world holds, he still has a habit of looking at things through rose-colored glasses. he has big dreams and can get a little carried away thinking about them. likes to have fun and laugh as well as make others laugh, even though it takes him a while to get to such a comfortable point with people. his mind changes like the weather, so he has trouble committing to long-term associations, whether it’s relating to his career or interpersonal relationships. his moods are dependent on those of whoever he’s around; highly malleable, tries to camouflage himself in social situations and mimic other people as to not draw excessive attention to himself.

HISTORY.

highkey an unwanted child and neither of his parents tried to hide it.

( TW PHYSICAL + VERBAL ABUSE / MANIPULATION ) i tried not to describe it much in his bio but his parents were...... very toxic. didn’t always treat him poorly --- they were actually pretty nice sometimes --- but when they were bad..... they were bad. endured a lot of abuse until he left for college and they also tried to tell him it was his fault and they only hurt him because they cared about him. ( TW END )

his coping method for everything was basically just pretending that things weren’t as bad as they were. any time someone said something hurtful, he was like :) that’s okay! i know you don’t mean it. tbh he still does this. he’ll put up with SO much bs just bc he’ll tell himself that it’s not personal

was kind of always drawn to more creative ventures such as writing and art; one of his first ever dreams (and still his dream) was/is to be an author. also picked up a hobby of origami when he was really young.

started showing interest in music after he got a MEGA crush on one of his classmates when he was like... 13. the classmate wanted to become an idol (side note... this is an open connection if anyone wants it fbjhvd) and he wanted to have something in common w them, so he was like omg no way??? me too???

started practicing w that friend and it was kind of obvious he didn’t know what he was doing, but he did end up getting better and started to really enjoy it!!!

so he started auditioning for companies when he was 14 behind his parents’ backs, never got accepted tho and eventually his parents found out and they were like.... bruh you are NOT the kim dongchul you think you are.... (oh, sweet irony).

started working part-time when he turned 15, mainly just passed out fliers but would help out at diners sometimes too if they’d let him. needed money to pay for actual lessons bc just practicing w his friend, as much as he did love it, was NOT cutting it and there was no way in hell he was going to pass an audition w his skills at the time.

kept auditioning for YEARS, lit rally didn’t stop until he graduated high school even though his parents mocked every single failure. ended up getting accepted into seoul institute of the arts, where he studied creative writing & dance for a lil while

ended up getting scouted by a summit media rep on campus, thought it was HILARIOUS!!!!! that they were from kim dongchul’s company. got so much enjoyment out of telling his parents. laughed about it for hours

he dropped out in his second year of school bc it was too hard to do everything his professors expected of him and train. nowadays, he really regrets dropping out (and kind of joining tbh), but :// what can ya do?

TRIVIA.

he has a lot of interest in languages, for someone who’s... so bad... at talking. he’s not fluent in anything other than korean (and barely that lmao), but he knows a LITTLE bit of japanese, english, french & italian. but when i say a little... i DO mean a little. for example, all he knows how to say in italian is “in bocca al lupo” which is jus like... an idiom that means good luck. that’s ALL he can retain of the italian language and he says it all the time. boy will never master a language

a big fan of origami. started doing it bc someone he had a crush on in grade school did it and he was like wow, can you teach me??? and for the past however many years, he has been leaving a trail of paper cranes in his wake.

he likes to decorate w the origami he makes --- the pristine dorm definitely has a vase with origami cherry blossoms in it. he likes to make all kinds of things (swans, boats, lotus flowers, hearts, frogs, birds, etc) though & he’s always trying to learn smth new!

also loves writing. the kind of guy who will describe you. will and probably has written poems about everyone he’s ever met. probably uses summit media idols/trainees/staff when he needs muse LMAOOOO. he sees them walking through the halls n he’s like “let me break out my notebook rq”

ALWAYS changing his hair...... wants to do whatever he wants with it while he has the freedom to. loves to dye and cut it. right now, his hair looks the same as in 8yuthe gif icon BUT his fc just cut his hair mad short so there will be a change very soon.

stage name is eden --- basically means that by listening to his voice & watching his performance, you’ll find a serene paradise..... make fun of him for it.

#vldintro #if u read this whole thing.... i love u now <3

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tshepiso-reads-books · 4 years

Text

My Favourite Books of 2019

I had a pretty good reading year in 2019. Formulating my favourites list this year was definitely harder than it was in the past couple of years. This list has changed and shifted drastically as they year went by (if you’d like to know my favourites in the first half of the year check out this post).

I agonized for weeks trying to rank my favourites and eventually had to give up entirely. I read so many different books this year across genre and form and it was absolutely impossible to rank and compare them. So this year I’ll be talking about my favourite books from four categories: fantasy, science fiction, comics and contemporary. This is going to be a long one, so gird your loins.

Fantasy

2019 was a fantastic year for adult high fantasy. I finally dipped my toes into this category after years of hesitancy and discovered stories filled with rich worlds, pulse-pounding plots and fantastic characters.

The Fifth Season · N.K. Jemisin

If I had to choose a singular favourite book of 2019 The Fifth Season would definitely be it. Every single aspect of this novel was done to perfection our characters were fully rendered, the plot was absolutely gripping, and the worldbuilding so fleshed out and unique. This book was so perfectly realized and is truly a feat of master craftsmanship.

Circe · Madeline Miller

Even after all these months, Circe is still a stand-out story. Miller’s prose was breathtaking and cutting and our main character, Circe, so all-encompassing and well explored. The lens through which Miller views greek mythology was fascinating and the way she explored characters we already had preconceived notions of was fucking brilliant.

Jade City · Fonda Lee

This book was the perfect blend of inciting action, gripping family drama. The multi-layered and ever-changing landscape of the plot of Jade City kept me flipping the pages of this book, but the strong interpersonal relationships between the family at the center of this book kept me connected to every single plot point.

The Diviners · Libba Bray

The Diviners is the only YA fantasy on this list and I think it truly speaks to the heights that this book reached. What stood out most to me about this book was how politically relevant it was. Bray’s focus on the bigotry and hatred in America in the 20’s time felt pointed and relevant today. With fantastic characters, atmospheric writing and engaging mystery to boot The Diviners was a truly great story to read.

Foundryside · Robert Jackson Bennett

Foundryside was a genuinely fun time from beginning to end. I was gripped by Bennett’s unique magic system which I can only describe as “coding… but magic”. The great character work and entertaining character dynamics added to my absolute enjoyment of this story.

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Sci-Fi

I got really into sci-fi for the first time this year and absolutely adored so many of the stories in this genre. I glad I dove into this genre more in 2019 because I discovered some fantastic stories.

The Wayfarer’s Trilogy · Becky Chambers

The Wayfarer’s trilogy was like a warm blanket to me this year. Every time I picked up a new book in this series its themes and messages filled me hope and joy. Chambers is really writing the sci-fi we need in 2019. I loved every book in this series, but I wanted to shout out A Closed and Common Orbit in particular because it was definitely my favourite.

Ninefox Gambit · Yoon Ha Lee

Ninefox Gambit was a late entry into my favourites, but damn did it hit with a bang. It was certainly one of the most challenging books I read this year, but the reward for sticking through it all was just priceless. Lee crafted such an intricate world and delving deeper into it as I kept reading was enthralling.

Sleeping Giants · Sylvain Neuvel

It took me a while to fall for Sleeping Giants, but once I did I fell head over heels. Neuvel weaved in an interesting story through the interview format he utilized. I’m awed by his ability to capture the scope of the world and create a heart-pounding plot and intriguing mysteries exclusively through interviews.

Time Was · Ian McDonald

Time Was was an excellent novella. It captured everything I adore about time travel stories and historical science fiction. In a few pages, Ian McDonald sold me completely on every aspect of this story. I loved the sweeping romantic atmosphere imbibed into the story.

The Calculating Stars · Mary Robinette-Kowal

Another historical science fiction made its way into my favourites list and it truly deserved to. The level of detail poured into The Calculating Stars is amazing; Mary Robinette-Kowal delved deep into the space program and her accuracy to the time is astounding. Her ability to make me care about the minutiae of daily life is a credit to her character work because the protagonist of this book, Elma, was so charming and real that I couldn’t help but be invested in her story.

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Comics

I read comic books for the first time this year and absolutely loved most of what I read. I discovered some fantastic authors and artists telling amazing stories and hope to only increase my comic reading in the coming year.

Nimona · Noelle Stevenson

What more is there to say about Nimona. I raved about it so much both online and in my personal life. Noelle Stevenson is writing the kinds of stories that sink their way into my heart and stay there. I adored every single panel of every single page in this story and encourage every single person to pick it up as soon as humanly possible.

The Vision · Tom King & Gabriel Hernandez Walta

I don’t even know what to say about The Vision other than, wow. This dark, psychological, tragedy affected me so deeply. It’s one of the three books I actively cried while reading this year and to this day I can’t eloquently express why I adored it so much. King really makes you care about the family at the center of this story which makes the tragic outcome of the story and the inevitability of that tragedy all the more painful.

Hawkeye · Matt Fraction & David Aja

I love Clint Barton with my whole heart and Hawkeye is the reason why. Fraction and Aja demonstrated a true understanding of Barton as a character and through their three-year run, they crafted what I believe is the best story about him out there.

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Contemporary

This year was pretty light on contemporaries both in number and quality but I did discover amazing stories that spoke to me deeply.

Radio Silence · Alice Oseman

Radio Silence is a book that directly spoke to an exact moment in my life. I read this at the start of my final exam season of high school so the failure of the education system really resonated. Oseman managed to capture the rat race that is school. This book was deeply affecting and emotionally resonant which is probably why it’s one of the books that made me cry in 2019.

Fangirl · Rainbow Rowell

I’m kind of cheating by putting a re-read on this list, but I found rereading fangirl this year to be so impactful and moving that it would feel a right shame to leave it out of any ‘Best of 2019’ list. Fangirl spoke to me so much harder in 2019 than it did when I first read it. Rowell perfectly captured the reasons we go to fandom for solace and community and the struggles Cath faces in this book are all the more relatable with time.

Autoboyography · Christina Lauren

YA contemporary captures the melodrama of teenagerdom in a way other subcategories of YA never really do. Autoboyography distils the essence of what it feels like to be a teenager so well. And not only does it do that it also contains a beautiful love story at its center.

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Honourable Mentions

I read so many fantastic books this year and this list would feel incomplete without some honourable mentions. All of these were so close to making it on to my final list but sadly didn’t make the cut.

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So, that was my extensive favourites list for 2019. I had such a good reading year in 2019 and I want to bring that energy into the new decade. I’d love to hear about all your favourite books of the year in the comments below so please feel free to share them.

Happy reading!

#Books #Reading #Favourites 2019

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freckliedan · 5 years

Note

Okay but what about compatibility-wise? Everyone talks about how compatible dnp are but idk where to find this info myself (or how to decipherit for that matter lol). But i figured i would ask you cause you seem pretty passionate about it!

hi b! i just got a few super helfpul asks on the subject of synastry (which is new for me!) if you wanna check out my dnp astrology tag, but i'm also super happy to give u a rundown of what i already know/how i look at compatibility in my own, cobbled-together, absolutely not expert way!

a lot of the astrological learning i've done is thru cafeastrology.com; they have a free birth chart calculator tool, and if you google "dan howell birth chart" or "phil lester birth chart" you should be able to get the info necessary to run their charts (time and location of birth) from other websites! (i like astrotheme, they do cool things with graphs). the time/place of birth info is also availible in tabinof, too! and if you don't have a copy, send me an ask abt phandom archives of content, bc it is availible online.

cafeastrology lets you run the compatibility of any charts you make, so i've looked at dnp's compatibility that way before! with online birth chart/compatibility reports, it tells you every single thing that may be a result of a person or couple's chart(s), so sometimes (especially in birth charts) you'll get like, 8 different aspects in someone's chart that say they're diplomatic and friendly in interpersonal relationships and a single aspect that says they're combative and abraisive in the same scenario.

SO when that kind of thing happens, the single trait that's contrary to the vast majority of the chart can be cancelled out, or only show up under certain circumstances - basically, astrology can be confusing and not every single sentence in a birth chart or compatibility write-up is gonna be dead accurate, but the ones that aren't will be directly contrasted by the ones that are super accurate / repeat themselves throughout the chart.

the reason i can understand charts at all is because ya bitch has adhd and has run a ridiculous number of charts! usually digital birth chart calculators will explain what all of the chart means, and the more charts yoy read the easier it is to understand parts of what's going on just by looking at the chart itself. cafeastrology's compatibility grid really helped me understand things better, too.

solutionastrology & astro-seek also have pretty good compatibility calculators, too!

all that said, dan and phil's compatibilty is like ... it's fucking beautiful, yall. they both have air signs for their sun/moon/mercury, something that both probably makes them feel farther apart from everyone else that they know and understood by each other/connected to eachother in a really deep, unique, meaningful way.

as a gay in a relationship with someone of the same element as me? (in my case, earth/earth), the ways that sharing an element with your partner manifests is in like... you have a really similar way of seeing the world, and processing information, and similar priorities - but, because you're not the same exact sign, you and your partner see different parts of the same picture, and you both constantly are within your comfort zone together while also expanding each other's way of seeing the world and strengthening one another's approach in every endeavor you take on.

but like, as air signs who often are associated with thought and conceptual matters dnp are like... like they genuinely exist in a universe where it's just the two of them and their love for eachother? they could be alone together in a room full of people in the loveliest possible way.

i think i've said this elsewhere before, too, but phil keeps dan from sinking, and dan keeps phil from disconnecting. a weakness of dan's from his chart can be getting trapped in too much thinking, and having his thoughts run away from him in a bad way; phil's chart makes it pretty clear that it's altogether too easy for him to disconnect and isolate from others. they both are able to like. keep the other grounded, though? dan being an anchor-point for phil, so that he doesn't float away from connection, and phil being a buoy for dan so he doesn't sink. it's like. they create a perfect equilibrium?

they also both have a lot of fire in their charts, which, a) that means their love is very equally passionate bc of their venus/mars placements, and b) it means that they also, in each other, have a partner who balances them out by being the direct opposite to their sign? a lot of compatibility calculator websites say that your sister sign (the sign 6 months away from your own, earth is paired with water and air with fire) is a sign you will have conflict with &that you shouldn't date.

however, in my experience? having a healthy close relationship with someone who is of your sister sign is one of the most grounding and beautiful relationships, romantic or otherwise. i know a gemini/sagittarius couple that's like, wicked in love and good for each other, and my best friend is a scorpio which is sister signs with taurus. being close to someone with the opposite sign to your own helps you work through your weaknesses and flaws and have a more open, balanced way of engaging with the world!

so, the huge amount of sagittarius in phil's chart balancing dan's gemini combined with the significant leos in dan's chart that balance out phil's aquarius genuinely like.. leaves me speechless. i didn't think it was possible for two people to have both the compatibility of being the same element and of being sister signs, but that's what dan and phil have. they're literally each other's comfort and home and safety, while also being one another's strongest support and most loving critic, a compass for each other pointing towards a healthy, fulfilling, happy future that they worked hard (together)to acchieve.

i love them and their love. the stars are just, gay for dan and phil. and their love isn't just incredible because it was ~fated~ or something, their love is genuinely inspiring and gorgeous because even if the stars made this all possible, they chose each other. they choose each other every single day, and that's why their love exists. that's how they've made it this far, and i'm just? honestly in awe, yall.

#den replies #anon #long post/#srry i'm on mobile so i can't do a readmore post #dnp astrology

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attackpunk · 6 years

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Avengers, time to work for a living

Marvel fandom, shippers from all walks of life, I am calling upon you. Share this post on a glorious, global scale. Share it on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, anything you can. Tag everyone associated with marvel across all platforms. I have a plan for the future of the MCU, and I think you're going to like it.

Bring in LGBTQ+ representation

Your entire fanbase wants gay content. In order to fill that void, here are some good ships to introduce into the MCU

Steve Rogers/Bucky Barnes

This is your most popular ship. It would be suicide to not include this. The entire Captain America trilogy is based off of their relationship, so why not make it romantic? They have chemistry, history, and one of the most iconic declarations of love in the entire MCU.

2. Iron Man

This one is a bit tricky, because Tony already has Pepper. However, there are two ways to implement Tony Stark's bisexuality into the franchise, and both of them involve Stephen Strange

This one you probably don't want to do. You could introduce polyamory into the equation. Have Tony be marrying Pepper and dating Stephen at the same time. Probably not something you want to do from a financial standpoint, but it's an option

Have a desperate "I am about to die" kiss between Tony and Stephen ad one of them is about to make the sacrifice play. Make it like Steve Trevor saying I love you to Diana right before he sacrifices himself.

Finally, Thor

One option you could go with is Thor/Loki. Again, probably not something you want to do, but it is important to mention because this is one of the original ships, and one of the most popular ones.

A more reasonable option is Thor/Bruce Banner. Think about it. They had amazing chemistry in Ragnarok, something to expand upon and turn into a romantic thing. And they would be so sweet, and while this is a newer ship it is growing in popularity quickly.

Okay, enough about shipping.

But not enough about LGBT

Make Peter Parker a trans boy. It doesn't have to be a big thing, but it would be so great for all the trans people out there to have someone to look up to.

II. Do not get rid of Loki

That does not mean you can't get rid of Tom Hiddleston. Make Loki die on a blaze of glory, a smile on his face. Then ressurect him as kid Loki. Then to agent of Asgard Loki. Make him a part of the young avengers. Which, by the way, you should also do. Loki is the most loved character, and the one who would bring in the most money. It would be ridiculous to get rid of him entirely. Also, when you ressurect him, make him a pansexual genderfluid. Paint his nails. Make him the Loki we all love from the comics. Don't get rid of him.

III. Your Black Widow movie isn't going to do as well as you think.

If you had made it back in 2013 we wouldn't have this problem, but now the fans don't like Scarlett Johansson. So, don't include her. You can either

Make a prequel with a younger Natasha. Give us the Red Room, what happened in Budapest, how she joined SHIELD.

Or, make the Scarlett Johansson look just be an elaborate disguise. Have multiple actresses play her, from Lucy Liu to Amy Adams, and make us wonder who she has been this whole time.

IV. Bring in the Young Avengers

Once you're done with the Sequel Six (Spiderman, Black Panther, Dr. Strange, Antman and the Wasp, and Captain Marvel) bring in the Young Avengers. Have Wanda get pregnant with Wiccan, bring Loki back. Show Cassie Lang playing with her dad's armor until she becomes Stature. Give us a cameo of a young Muslim girl in Captain Marvel. Have Clint's daughter be named Kate. Bring in Miss America, Hulking, Patriot, all of them. Young Adults and the entire YA are your friends. They will bring you the most money.

What you're doing with Spiderman is great though. He's the best and everyone loves him.

V. Give us domestic avengers.

Even if it's just two characters talking to each other, small domestic moments are often the best characterization. Also, give us a happily married Tony and Pepper. Give us a Steve and Bucky wedding. Give us interpersonal relationships that we rarely get to see but so desperately need.

And that, Marvel, is what you need to do to optimize your success in the MCU.

Now fans, please share this. Anywhere, everywhere. Tag anyone with an affiliation to Marvel on any social media platform. I am calling upon you. Help me make this happen.

@markruffalo @grey-daku @nataliekabra @neutralfangirlshitethenamestaken @starkravingparker @stephenstrangeisaho @space-emos @laizy-boy @insanitysqueen @one-friendly-enby @peterparkeristonystarksson I am calling upon you all! Avengers, Assemble!

P.S. guy, like do nothing, so please reblog this!!!

#marvel #stucky #thorki #thruce #ironstrange #pepperony #young avengers #loki #tony stark #steve rogers #captain america #bucky barnes #peter parker #spiderman #spider man: homecoming

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archetype-online-blog · 5 years

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Crash Course in Dialogue, Part I

Writers tend to stress a character’s actions as the most important way to show who they are, but creating effective, interesting dialogue is just as important to a great story. Good dialogue can illustrate interpersonal relationships, reveal fears characters don’t even know they have, show development, and so much more. At the same time—and maybe more importantly—bad dialogue sticks out like a sore thumb, making readers uncomfortable and unwilling to get invested in your narrative. Your prose might be amazing, but if your characters can’t communicate, it’s going to put people off.

But never fear! Here are a few handy tricks to writing amazing dialogue that will get your characters saying what they mean or misdirecting like a pro, all while drawing your reader successfully into the story.

Creating Unique Voices

When you start writing dialogue, one of the most important things to keep in mind is that your characters should all sound different from one another. Just based on their words alone, a reader should be able to tell whether your character’s personality is bubbly or gloomy, if they feel comfortable with the people around them, if they’re in pain, what kind of education they have, and so much more. You want these factors to be unique for each character, even if they were raised together or come from a similar background.

A great test is to write down only the spoken part of your dialogue, without any speech tags (he said/she said, etc.). Does each character sound distinct? Can you tell whose lines are whose just based on what they say, without the surrounding context clues?

If not, try some of the techniques below. There are so many ways to say the same thing differently—and reveal your characters’ history, personality, and quirks at the same time!

Techniques

Using lots of big words like abysmal, paramount, satiate, ubiquitous, etc.

This can make a character sound more educated, imply a wealthier upbringing, or show the care he puts into communicating. Or, it can make him sound pretentious, and become a trait that annoys your other characters. Just be careful your character doesn’t come off like a weirdo carrying around a thesaurus in their pocket (unless that’s what you’re going for, of course!)

Character 1: His rant was just the shameful rambling of a crazy old man. Character 2: The display was simply the ignominious drivel of a deranged geriatric man.

Using clipped speech—only a few words at a time, monosyllabic answers

Quiet characters, characters who don’t like their companions, characters who are in pain, and characters with something to hide might not want to have long conversations where they bare their soul to others.

Character 1: I really don’t think so. I’m sure I’d remember an intense reaction like that. Character 2: No.

Using terms of endearment or pet names—babe, sweetheart, bro, dude, pal

Depending on how these are used, your character can come across as warm and fuzzy, sarcastic, flirty, or evil and taunting.

Bonus: if your character is angry or distracted, they can leave off the pet names they usually call their friends. This is a good way to reveal to a reader—and other characters—that something fishy is up.

Character 1: Can you toss me that pencil? Character 2: Hey babe, be a sweetie and toss me that pencil? Character 3: Uh, that’s my pencil, pal. Character 4: Toss me that pencil, bro!

Speaking formally versus informally with contractions

Is your character uncomfortable around present company? Are they trying to act extremely professional to prove they’re qualified for their job, or still recovering from a strict, affectionless upbringing? If so, making their speech more formal can help convey what’s going on.

Character 1: Admittedly, I have been wondering much the same thing. I will look into it. Character 2: Yeah, I’ve been wondering that too. I’m gonna check it out.

Swearing

Depending on context, characters who curse can sound meaner, rougher, cooler, more laid-back, and even funnier than the people around them who don’t.

When using curse words, be aware of your audience. If you’re writing for kids or younger teens, you may get some pushback.

Remember that these words are sometimes at their most powerful when they’re not overused. When your sweet character finally snaps and mutters something really strong under her breath, you’ll know she’s at the end of her rope.

Think of Simon finally confronting Martin in the movie Love, Simon—if Leah (who swears all the time in the book’s sequel) told Martin to f*ck off, it wouldn’t have anywhere near the same impact.

And yet, in The Raven Cycle by Maggie Stiefvater, Ronan’s glee at swearing is one of the things that sets him apart from the more polite Gansey and Adam.

Try this:

Sit in a public place where people talk—a coffee shop, a food court at the mall, a break at school—and listen to a conversation. Write down what you hear—every little um or ah, pronunciations, pauses, stutters, repetitions. How do words, fillers, and phrases shape the distinct voices of the people you’re listening to?

Using Accents and Dialects

Another great way to make characters sound different is to give them accents or let them speak in dialects. If your character is from the South, he’d have a Southern drawl; if she’s from the India, she’s not going to sound like your classmates from Connecticut. But how can you capture a voice like that without making your writing sloppy or distracting (or exaggerating it into an offensive caricature)? Passages like the following, from Huckleberry Finn, certainly take a lot of concentration to read:

“Oh, Huck, I bust out a-cryin’ en grab her up in my arms, en say, ‘Oh, de po’ little thing! De Lord God Amighty fogive po’ ole Jim, kaze he never gwyne to fogive hisself as long’s he live!’ Oh, she was plumb deef en dumb, Huck, plumb deef en dumb—en I’d ben atreat’n her so!”

A general rule, using features other than phonetic spelling to show how characters speak differently can communicate the same information in a less distracting way:

Diction/word choice: Taylor from New York eats fries for lunch and chips as a snack, but Henry from London eats chips for lunch and crisps from the vending machine during his break at work.

Syntax/word order: Someone whose native language is English will likely say “the brown shoes” or “the white fence,” but if your heroine was born in France and learned English not long ago, she might say “I was wearing my shoes which are brown” or “the fence that is white stands behind the house”

Idioms: Different places have different expressions that mean more than what they look like. While you’d say you’re “buttering someone up,” someone who speaks Spanish might say they’re “stroking his beard.” Research idioms that would be a natural part of your character’s speech—or, make up your own!

Some phonetic spellings and slang, every once in a while, do a great job of signaling a continuing accent: s’pose, ain’t, ya, dahlin’. But if what you’ve written takes any amount of real concentration to decode, it’s going to be annoying, not helpful or cool. In other words, if your main character has a lisp, tharting every thentence like thith ith going to get really fruthtrating, really fatht. An’ writin’ an o’er-exaggera’ed Cockney accen’, owr a loooong Suthen draaaawl, is sure to get on your reader’s nerves as well.

If your protagonist’s baby sister with three lines has a lisp and says, “Thamantha, read me a thtory” or her great-auntie from Georgia bemoans, “Lawdy-me, it shaw is hawt in hea today” once in 300 pages, though, you’re probably good.

If you want an example of dialects and pronunciation done really well, check out the Chaos Walking series by Patrick Ness. Protagonist Todd Hewitt grew up in a primitive settlement and can’t read—while always completely understandable, he does say “ain’t” all the time, and occasionally throws in misspellings like “creacher” and “recognishun.” The sections narrated by his friend Viola are more grammatically correct, because while Todd was doing farm work, she was attending school. And people Todd meets with even less schooling than him talk like this: “Ah kin give y’all a ride thrus. If ya want.” (But these characters don’t pop up very often, so the style doesn’t become distracting—instead, it highlights the differences between outsiders and the protagonists.)

A note of caution:

Remember that African American Vernacular English, American Sign Language, and other variations/translations of English have their own complex rules. If you aren’t familiar with a dialect you’re writing, don’t just simplify standard English, throw in an extra “be,” or take out some helping verbs. If your character uses one of these, do some extra research to make sure your dialogue is accurate.

Include the Right Kind of Content

So now you’ve decided how your character talks—but what should they say? Here are a few things to avoid: small talk, excessive info dumps, drawn-out background information, and background conversations. (Like most rules of writing, these can and should be broken if you have a good reason, but in general, they can be helpful in moving a story along and keeping it interesting.)

Instead of the characters taking up valuable space and audience attention on pleasantries, focus on the real meat of the conversation. Alfred Hitchcock once said something to the effect of, “Drama is real life with all the boring parts cut out.” Which would you want to read about? A character describing her brunch of thick, fluffy pancakes to her mother in mouth-watering detail?* Or the moment she asks her mother for $500—the third time this month—to cover her outrageous credit card debts? As the writer, you have the privilege and responsibility to pick the important moments to pass on to the reader—the ones that are important to the plot later, that develop the characters, that are memorable and exciting. Be kind to them—and yourself—by carefully judging what’s worth everyone’s time.

This then gives you an opportunity to work something else essential into your conversation—conflict. It’s very hard to make a compelling conversation where each character agrees with everything said before them. Just because “yes, and” works for improv, doesn’t mean it’s the best strategy for dialogue in fiction—instead, put your characters against each other. If they have opposing goals, or even slightly different takes on a situation, you’ll be able to flush out both viewpoints and push them to an interesting breaking point much easier than if they simply build on whatever the other says.

It can also be tempting to save long, detailed explanations for dialogue—especially when it comes to worldbuilding in sci-fi or fantasy. If you have a physics professor who’s perfected time travel or an old witch who’s worked out everything about magic, it would be easy to give them a few pages to give the specifics to your clueless protagonist. But unless you can’t get your story to work any other way, try not to do this—long descriptions tend to end up pretty boring, and hard to follow and remember. Instead, let your reader pick up fewer details at a time from different people, or see how things work for themselves. In the first Harry Potter, Hagrid doesn’t explain everything about being a wizard to Harry—readers get to experience the many magical details firsthand through Harry’s eyes in Diagon Alley, and then later at Hogwarts.

*Note: If your character is a cook and criticizes the pancakes because he could obviously do better, or if she grew up in poverty and is promising her mother she’ll move back home and take her to brunch every morning once she gets one more paycheck, this is obviously fine. So is her describing how great she thought the pancakes were if it turns out they were actually poisoned, and next thing she knows she’s waking up from a 10-year coma. And so on... Find exciting exceptions!

Try this:

Listen to a scene from your favorite movie and think about what’s included and what’s not. Do both characters greet each other and ask how the other has been, or do they jump right into the deal they need to make? Does one character agree with everything the other says, or do they disagree frequently?

Have more questions about writing dialogue? Leave us comments for Part II, coming soon!

#archetypeonline #blog post #writing style #dialogue #creative writing #writing advice #young writers #genre fiction

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newmayhem · 4 years

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Character Analysis: Risika (Part 2)

As always, I’ll keep using original names if I’m talking specifically about the original iteration and in quotations and stuff, but I’ll be referring to everyone by their new names in all other situations.

Sorry guys, this kind of slipped away from me, but better late than never, right?

One of the reasons why I say ITFOTN was ahead of its time (and our time, tbh) is that to me, it feels like a deconstruction/subversion of the sort of vampire YA novels that came out more recently. This is the story of the emotional fallout/trauma that happens when/after the ingenue heroine of a YA vampire novel is changed into a vampire, which is something that we almost never see.

When we first meet Roksana in present-day, I get the sense that she’s going through some sort of vampire quarter life crisis. For the past few centuries she’s sort of been in a state of hibernation- going through the motions and sleepwalking through life. She’s cynical, bored, lonely, and kind of numb to everything. At over 300 years old, she’s probably experienced pretty much everything a person could possibly experience in life and now she has nothing left to do but face herself and all the baggage she’s been carrying around and suppressing. In a nutshell, this is the general force driving Roksana towards her decision to finally confront Andros- the desire to reconcile her identity and move on. But let’s go deeper.

Based on what I was able to conclude in Part 1, it looks like these are the biggest priorities for her:

Figuring out her identity

Her Mother

This is not really touched on in the original text, but I think a big part of her story is that she knows nothing about her mother, but her mother and that part of her heritage played a large role setting her apart from the rest of the community she was raised in, which in turn, shaped both her and her brother’s lives. I think it makes sense, especially in my racelifted reimagining, to zero in on that and emphasize it as a key motivator for her. She wants to find out who she is in terms of heritage/culture/family legacy and that can manifest as her trying to investigate who her mother was, which could lead to a larger storyline about her place in the vampire world and in Nyeusigrube.

Morality

A major facet of her identity that does play a central role in the og text is morality. The big conflict is between whether she’s going to align with Alejandro’s morality or with Andros’. On the surface, it looks like she starts the story on the Alejandro side of the spectrum and ends on the Andros’ side, but the more I look into it, the more complicated it becomes (more details in part 1).

I don't really buy that she was fully on board with Alejandro's side in the beginning, but rather that she ended up clinging onto his morals as a way to cope with his death. As for the ending, I don't think that her challenging Andros and winning was a sign that she's gone over to Andros’ side either. The way I saw it, Roksana, in fighting Andros and in how she handled her reunion with her brother, showed that she has come to terms with and has confidence in the morals and values that she’s set up for herself...the problem is, the og text doesn’t really tell us what these morals and values are and/or how she came to them. This is a question that I need to answer in the rewrite.

Codependency

Up until her transformation, Roksana has spent literally her entire life with Alejandro. He was the only person who could even come close to understanding her...but that bond was beginning to reach its limit even before Ather and Andros got involved.

I think Roksana was starting to feel like they were growing apart and she was considering pulling away from Alejandro to try to explore her own identity. But when he was ‘murdered’ and that decision was forced out of her hand, she probably felt a lot of guilt, which caused her to cling to him (as a part of her identity) even more. Part of her journey through the story could be her trying to deal with her loss and find an identity separate from what she had as Alejandro’s twin.

Interestingly, I think that her reuniting with Alejandro and finding out that he had been alive all along was what caused her to finally come to terms with her separation from him and move on from it. It broke her idealized illusion of her brother, which was what she had really been mourning all along.

Something else to consider - Boundaries and limitations (or the lack thereof)

So in the beginning, in her human life, Remedios’ identity was defined by her society, which limited her based on her race and her gender, and by her relationship to her family.

After she is changed, she loses both her society and her family, and so without those mechanisms, she doesn’t have a good sense of who she is. Regardless of whether she was fighting against or trying to fall in line with whatever forces were trying to define her, she no longer knows what to base her identity on because now those forces are gone. She still, in a literal sense, has her gender and her race, but in this new supernatural society, those aren’t the metrics that identities are based on- it’s stuff like species, strength, lineage, etc. In the beginning, at least, she doesn’t know her strength, she doesn’t understand the weight of her vampire lineage, and she had become a vampire unwillingly. So essentially, she doesn’t know who she is.

But she does latch onto that last fact- that she became a vampire unwillingly, and on the fact that in the process of being turned, the one person that she loved the most was taken from her. So all of that caused her to create this binary- either she’s like Andros (who, in her mind, is the prototypical vampire) or she’s like Alejandro (her ideal human). And so she chose to align herself with Alejandro and she did this by clinging onto the morals that he held so dear (even if she didn’t care as much for them herself when she was human).

Of course, that could only last so long before reality set in. This lifestyle, this old identity was keeping her from surviving, and despite her hatred of her new condition, she was even more afraid of what awaited her after death. So little by little, she had to chip away at it, making excuses and allowances that Alejandro never would have until she’s back at square one- without an identity.

Companionship/interpersonal connection

I kind of touched on this in Part 1- though she’s a loner, part of her does crave interpersonal relationships. It doesn’t play a huge part in her story...but it kind of does. Remember, the tipping point for her, the straw that broke the camel’s back, was that Aubrey killed Tora. It seems a little ridiculous that A) she’d befriend a zoo animal, and B) the death of said zoo animal would be the thing that directly motivates her ultimate act of revenge, but the more I think of it, the more sense it makes. Her close bond with Tora probably started because she thought that an animal was the only sentient being that wouldn’t be harmed just by being close to her. She’s seen all these other people who have been in her orbit - her brother, her new stepmother (who she barely even met), etc. - get hurt as a direct result of their association with her. So she doesn’t want to see another person get hurt, and she also doesn’t want to suffer any more loss. This means that really, Tora is not just her only friend, but also the last remaining proof to herself that she’s able to ‘be human’ through showing empathy, compassion, and affection (essentially, all the hallmarks of friendship). That’s why the murder of Tora was so devastating.

Note to self- I had my doubts, but now I think it makes sense to keep Tora as a tiger in the rewrite. Unfortunately, that means I might need to create some more people friends for Roksana to lose throughout her story in order to drive this point home. I hope to do that as unproblematically as possible.

Freedom and Power

It’s pretty clear from the og text that Roksana isn’t particularly power hungry or ambitious. That’s not a knock on her, I actually think this makes the story more relatable.

She’s not trying to take over the world (or save the world or destroy the world), she’s not representing good in the fight against evil, she’s not trying to become the most powerful/influential vampire out there, she doesn’t even care about gaining wealth. I’d probably go as far as to speculate that her D&D alignment is True Neutral. All she really wants is to be left alone to do whatever she wants, there is no higher agenda that’s motivating her. That’s an important perspective to keep.

For her, freedom is the ultimate power- freedom from the scrutiny, freedom from guilt/shame, freedom from fear, freedom from her past, freedom to be herself and live however she wants.

Getting closure and moving on

It’s pretty obvious that at the beginning of the book, she’s still not over the trauma of her brother’s murder and her transformation.

She’s stuck in this limbo state of obviously not being human and having more or less accepted that, but still not willing to fully commit to her vampirism. There’s still so much shame and guilt attached to it, but at this point it seems...dulled. Like it’s been assimilated into her state of being, but she’s now coming to the point where she’s feeling it drag her down. Like a weighted blanket that got wet. Or something like that.

When it comes to the ending of the story, while Roksana winning the fight doesn’t really mean that she’s embraced vampire society, it does feel like she's finally at peace with the fact that she is a vampire, she has to do certain things in order to survive, and whether that’s ‘good’ or ‘bad’, she’s ok with it.

#In the Forests of the Night #amelia atwater rhodes #Nyeusigrube #Den of Shadows #Risika #Rachel Weatere #characters #Roksana #character analysis

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