#I still like bi just because it was the first exposure I had to something that wasn’t straight.

[sir-yeehaw-paws]

how does anyone say this guy isn't gay look at that FACE

I KNOW YOU sent this as a joke but HONESTLY some of the DEEP DENIAL I have seen in *coughing* some communities regarding him and the other characters is TRULY astonishing. It ends up being so pathetic and rooted so deep in homophobia, biphobia etc that it just cycles back to being pathetic and kinda sad.

I'm not intending to turn this into a rant, but to me-and to pretty much any queer MGS fan (or LGBTQAI if you dislike queer) it's....obvious. He doesn't fool (us) for a hot second. It's not even a debate. Yet to deeply toxic dudebro *and other toxic het communities, or just the same 'uber masculine' gaming communities that haven't left the mindset of the 90's yet that used to print naked women in magazines just to appeal to them (Link to a video from Caddicarus here that goes pretty good into how atrocious some of this shit got in regards to magazines) he's gotta be ANYTHING but gay.

I genuinely didn't think it was still going to be an issue-but I have seen it still up for debate as early as 2022 and people so desperate they will argue against Vamp being bi even tho Snake LITERALLY SAYS SO in the text. But Snake could've just 'been joking with Raiden'.

We've all seen the posts, we've all seen the stuff, and while it's largely so pathetic it's not worth dwelling over except for amusement-it's kinda sad too.

NO, we never just plain old get "Ocelot is gay" In text but I wanna explain something else too.

I'm *for tumblr anyway* an old man. I'll be 32 years old at my birthday this year. When I was in HS, meterosexual was still a thing. "Gay" was the biggest insult you could be called. A friend had to TELL ME I was bi because I HAD NEVER heard the term.

Gay marriage was legalized in Canada when I was 14-the same year Brokeback Mountain came out. I remember watching the first legally married gay couple on tv and my uncle gagging. When I was much younger, and a teenager, the 'gay character' wasn't called 'gay'.

Instead, they didn't like the opposite sex. Instead, random jokes were made about them being 'abnormal' or 'eternally single'. Instead, incredibly subtle nods were put in to make references to things you would generally only understand as 'this character is gay' if you were an adult with at least SOME exposure to it.

Ocelot, is *in my opinion* absolutely written that way. If you go through the series, there are as many 'hints' and 'nods' and little references that all point in that direction. Is it a cop out? Depends on how you look at it (keep in mind gay marriage still isn't legalized in Japan) I'm not here to discuss another culture though that I'm not a part of-I'm a white Canadian man; I have no say on what is or isn't appropriate for Japan. But I DO remember how homophobic the world used to be-and at times can still be.

The dude bro's making arguments against Ocelot being gay-denying it so hard they turn blue, are usually guys my age or older. I am NOT excusing them-we've got the internet now, 'gay' stopped being an insult a decade ago, it's time to grow up. But I do know how gay characters were written at the time-Ocelot's a perfect example.

Sure, Vamp is stated to be bisexual in 2001. THAT WAS NOT THE NORM AT ALL. And Volgin being Raikov's lover was made obvious in those textual clues-but still only ever stated outright in the original MGS4 Encyclopedia.

I wish these dudes would open their minds a bit (I'm also generalizing a bit, it's not just men in denial). But at the end of the day, it will never not be interesting to me how obvious Ocelot is to us, but not to them.

(THIS GOT OUTTA HAND SORRY-)

#asks #answered asks #revolver ocelot #thoughts posts #mgs #nate rambles #MESSY RANT NOBODY WANTED SORRY-

[luxgalador]

Ma'am, If I may, what led you to coming to terms with your identity? Was there a process that made you think, "maybe I'm not what I was born with?" No matter how your respond, I thank you for the mega cool vibes and consistent dream of memes, cat pics, and explanations of why furry stuff is super cool

I never had a lightbulb moment. And I also am not a "I always knew" type of girl. My unravelling and actualizing has been and continues to be a gradual process of following what feels good and asking myself questions about why it feels good.

In hindsight, I can say "oh yeah that makes a lot more sense" now that I've realized some major things, of course. But I never felt "I'm not what I was born with." It was more a "maybe I could be this? Let's follow this."

One thing I did always know is that I felt different than most other people. I figured that one out pretty early. The way I interacted with the world just didn't seem to align with how many folks did. And my problem is that I never connected with, knew, or was even aware that the way I felt was something that others felt too.

Realistically I didn't really have an original thought about my own identity until I was 19 years old and finding myself in substance abuse rehabilitation. It was only when faced with the real possibility of my own death that my Self™ began to emerge. She started slowly taking control. Because I needed it. Because without me, actually me, driving the car of my life, I was going to fucking die.

My queerness first emerged in a dream when I was 20. I don't remember the dream, but I remember waking up in a panic. I'd grown up aware of queer people, but fed through my well-meaning cishet mom who's only exposure to queerness was through the blood-stained lens of the AIDS crisis. "It's such a hard life" was a phrase I'd heard so often in regards to gay people. It wasn't outwardly hateful, but it felt like an "other" existence that wasn't preferable to "normal" society. My only awareness of trans people was through punchlines and stereotypes. Despite having always wanted to be a girl if given the choice, I didn't understand that there actually was a choice and I could be what I wanted.

I started making videos more earnestly and engaging with the YouTube community. I became pretty successful in that world. I also became a student. Fueled by curiosity and a compulsion to understand the world to keep myself going, I learned. I listened. I asked questions. I was YouTube's It Bi Boy™ but something remained missing.

I hadn't spoken the words yet, but I started growing my hair out. I'd seen a lot of sapphics with short curly bob hairdos that I wanted to emulate. I wanted to look feminine. As I was aging into my mid-20s, I started looking like a man and I hated it. I didn't understand what that meant beyond "I don't want to look like a man." That evolved into, okay well maybe I'm not a man.

The rest of my 20s, that's the crux of my identity. It wasn't an affirmative identity, but rather a reductive one. The only thing I knew is what I wasn't. I wasn't a man. I thought this was enough. Deep in me I wanted to be a woman, but I still didn't realize that I could be. That I already was.

I did more makeup daily before HRT. I got dolled up every single day to go to work. My heart would soar if someone "mistook" me for a woman. That's how I wanted to be perceived. But I was stuck in "not a man" identity for a while.

I read an article in 2019 about HRT regimens that were low-dose. I'd never considered hormones before this. But I knew immediately this is what I wanted. It felt like a level that I was "allowed" to have. I still felt like I wasn't allowed to be a woman. That I wasn't trans enough to embrace it. I made an appointment within a week.

Pandemic happened, in many ways my life froze. But I kept changing. After 6 months on the low-dose I said "fuck it" and went to a full dose. I grew tits. I felt so much better. Relieved. Like I was course correcting. It was good, but still not good enough.

I had to move to Florida due to financial issues in late 2021. I had roommates again including my sister. It was the first time I was around people regularly after so much had changed in my body. It was a few months later that I realized that I was basically living my life as a woman just without affirming that reality to myself. So 2.5 years into HRT I finally did it. I owned that. I she/they'd for like 2 weeks then realized I didn't want they. I didn't want neutrality. I wanted to be and was her. In this moment I also connected the dots that my sexuality was not bi, despite years in that community and many, many videos made by me on the subject. Bisexuality, in hindsight, was an identity that allowed me access to loving women queerly before I knew I was a woman myself.

So here I am, at 30, about 10 years after that first dream. I'm a woman. I'm a lesbian. I'm living with the love of my life in Chicago. And in many ways, it feels like I'm just getting started. Thanks for reading.

#word vomit #trans #queer #lesbian #lgbtq #transfeminine

[ursaspecter]

Random DP headcanons in no particular order

I'm tired and got pains hitting me so I couldn't be bothered to organize this. I'll get a better sorted collection up on my neocities website eventually. These are my headcanons and they may contradict canon oops. Also I don't really keep up with a lot of fanon sorry.

-Ok just gonna get all The Gender ones out of the way first. Danny and Vlad are trans men, Sam is bigender, Dani is a demigirl, and Johnny 13 is a he/him lesbian.

-Danny and Valerie are bi, Tucker is ace, and Sam is pan. Vlad and Jack are both bi, and they and Maddie are polyamorous (but not all together. Yet). Jazz is aroace. Star is a lesbian. Johnny 13 and Kitty are lesbians.

-Paulina is a bit of a film buff and I think she would go to film school after high school and judges film bros for not watching a single Barbie movie.

-Star and Dash are cousins

-Tucker has a website where he reviews tech products he's never bought and video games he's never played/completed.

-The ghost zone is kind of like purgatory but also kind of not. It's where ghosts spend the afterlife, but they can fully leave once they've resolved any unfinished business they have. Places in the ghost zone where ghosts reside (like Pariah's castle or Sidney's mirror dimension) are created upon death, so everyone has their own little spot. -Danny and Vlad don't have fully formed places in the zone. They're more like empty lots reserved for them when they fully die. -Dani doesn't have a spot of their own, so instead they took Danny's space and built a little Lost Boys style hideaway.

-The "ecto acne" was really just blisters from severe burns Vlad sustained after his portal accident.

-Danny and Vlad only survived their respective accidents because of their exposure to ectoplasm radiation. Although Vlad had much less exposure at the time of his incident, but that's ok since the 80's portal was much smaller. Danny on the other hand has been exposed to it pretty much all his life, so he was able to survive the full sized portal.

Ok, under the cut I'm gonna go into my thoughts about how most of Danny's enemies died. I won't be including Bertrand, Skulker, Clockwork, Boxlunch, Vortex, Amorpho, Undergrowth, Pandora, or Nocturn because I either think of them as a different kind of ghost, spirits In Charge of something, or in Boxlunch's case: never alive to begin with. I'm also not including Freakshow because he's still alive, nor am I including his ghosts because outside of their designs, they have no personality. Content Warning: Since I am talking about death, this section will probably get pretty dark for some readers. If you are sensitive to discussion of suicide, murder, death from illness, or death by some kind of disaster, then I would advise you to not open it.

I don't really have a lot in terms of explanation for a lot of these, so I'm just gonna list them as Ghost: Cause of Death.

Lunch Lady: Heart Attack at school

Princess Dorathea: The Black Plague

Prince Aragorn: Arsenic poisoning

Box Ghost: Anti-Strike Attack (I'm not going to name any real-world strikes that turned into massacres because I feel like that might be a tad disrespectful)

Technus: Electrocution

Sidney Poindexter: Suicide (He's a teenage ghost who was bullied relentlessly by every one of his peers.)

Desiree: Executed by Sultan's wife's request

Walker: Prison Riot

Spectra: Old Age

Klemper: Hypothermia

Ember: House fire

Fright Knight: Killed in battle

Pariah: Executed in a Coup D'etat

Johnny 13 and Kitty: Killed by a drunk driver

Youngblood: Leukemia

Ghost Writer: Alcohol Poisoning or Tuberculosis

Hotep RA: Natural Causes (Honestly I always forget this guy exists)

#danny phantom #danny phantom headcanon

[whengeorgiawentblue]

I don't know if Misha is bi or straight, but I'd like to offer some thought about why a queer person would joke and be ambiguous about their queerness instead of coming out directly:

1)Self espression is a deep human need and irony could be a mean of expression if you want to express something but want to keep plausible deniability too to protect yourself. So you can to deny everything if things get ugly or dangerous.

2)Jokes and irony can be a mean to warm up people to the idea before telling it directly. I've been "joking" about liking women in the face of my mother for years, so now she got it I guess but if I told her directly all at once probably she would have reacted very bad and aggressively. Kicking me out or abuse were plausible reactions as well years ago, now she is mostly chill.

Now I don't think Misha is in actual danger, but it's possible to feel the danger as it's in the present even if it comes from a distant past or distant environments. Personally I tried the "warming up" with friends too, who were totally not homophobic and progressive because deep down I had the feeling they would have reacted badly even if they don't belong to the conservative environment that I lived growing up.

Anyway I understand this strategy but I don't support it, it's simply coping. Your identity keeps to be not acknowledged, the majority of straight people pretends to not hear it if you tell it directly so they are hopeless if you only joke, you keep being frustrated about having to hide yourself and some jokes can land you in danger anyway, that's why I avoid even joking if someone has power on me (father or boss for example) and is really homophobic. It's coping, not some smart 6D chess.

Your points are very valid and, in fact, I think that's what actually happened. I still do believe Misha is bisexual, and his statement about being straight wasn't sincere.

I also think he has other reasons to come back to the closet. We know his wife is bisexual and wrote the polyamory book but (correct me if I'm wrong) that happened before Misha became a celebrity. Now her ex-husband has a far bigger media exposition and she wouldn't want to be involved in gossip media. Their kids are also entering high-school and would be exposed. Maybe Misha had to backtrack to protect his family's privacy.

And I believe he also did it for Jensen. I mean, you don't have to dig too much to find out Jensen and Misha's freindship is much deeper and suspicious than most people think. And Jensen will have a lot of media exposure once the 3rd season of TB premieres.

So, it's not just Misha, many people close to him would be in trouble.

And yet, didn't Misha foresight something like this could happen, and the consequences...? He has been actively building in his own fandom (i.e. the gish scaperoom) the idea that he's bisexual. He has been intentionally fueling his fandom with many hints for years, and at one point literally almost every fan of him already believed he's bisexual. His fandom was like a pressure cooker in the brink of exploding, desperate to have a definitive confirmation of Misha's sexuality, and it was only needed a little spark to start a fire, and that's what happened at the NJ con.

The problem is that Misha should have predicted this could happen sooner or later, and be brave enough to face the consequences. And yet, he panicked and got back to the closet... he had the chance to be true to himself and yet he wasted it.

Now he's the target of memes and jokes, as the first person to "come out as straight", like, wtf? And even worse, it further cemented antis' theories of Misha queerbaiting his fans for money. When I said all of this was "sad and pathetic", I meant this whole situation.

It's sad and pathetic because if we have to believe Misha's statement, then the queerbaiting accusations are true. So, Misha, do you really want us to believe you?

I hope he learns and think twice before opeining his mouth. The most sad thing is that, if he ever comes out of the closet for real, because he really wants, who is going to believe him?

At least Jensen is far more sincere (in my opinion). If he doesn't want people discussing his sexuality, he just says nothing. Nothing at all. But the moment he needs to tell the world that he loves Misha (I truly believe Jensen is a hopelessly romantic) he straightforward post stuff like the 10th anniversary selfies. And yet, he has been discreet enough that the general public will still believe it's just a "bro thing".

Misha, you should learn from your hubby.

#misha collins #cockles

[the-wandering-mage]

Writing prompt

"I told you if you put me a room with _____ I was going to punch them in the face."

I had an idea for a scene for a fanfic where Neal Caffrey from White Collar, a character known for being non-violent if you haven't watched the show, punches Bruce Wayne in the face and says the above to Peter as he walks away with blood on his fist. I realized this would in general be a good writing prompt.

If your curious my idea for this crossover AU was for Neal and Jason Todd to have been best friends growing up who later were in a secret open relationship. Both being polyamorious bi or pan. They of course told the girls they had flings with that they were in an open relationship just left out it being with a boy.

Bruce held a private funeral and didn't invite any of his friends from school (or wait for Dick to return from space) and also let everyone find out via newspaper of Jason's death. Neal emotionally couldn't handle being in Gotham anymore after he visited Jason's grave to mourn.

Neal spitefully did what he could without crossing into the city to hurt/ inconvenience Bruce and W. E. He basically vowed though to give a good right hook to the man though if he ever saw him just like Jason taught him. Knowing there was a chance working in white collar he might actually see the CEO and that assault would probably get him put back in jail he put in his contract that he was to never be put in the same room as him. To hide his personal connection other weird eccentric things were debated and later negotiated out of his contract with the FBI. Peter thought this was just Neal being theatric since he was adamantly non-violent. He just couldn't see him doing something crazy like punching Bruce Wayne in the office. Peter interviewed the man in his personal office without Neal but, didn't take it serious enough to have Neal entirely out of the office while Bruce was there.

Bruce by this point knows he handled Jason's Death horrendously doesn't press charges cause he knows he deserves probably more than a punch to the face and the hassle/stuff he knows Neal stole. His emotional clue-by-four courtesy of one Dick Grayson who actually reached out to Jason's BFF after he got back. Dick also was there when Neal said his goodbyes at Jason's head stone and Neal revealed that they had been in love and in a committed relationship for years.

Eventually this incident will prompt Bruce to try despite the fact that their relationship is just finally reaching stability, to get Jason to tell Neal he is alive. (Dick told him about the secret relationship when Neal first caused criminal trouble.) Bruce wants to try to at least try to right this one wrong. Dick is more than happy to join in on the cause. (The other bats are just surprised to find out about the secret relationship and are staying out of it though they are shameless eaves dropping and rooting for them to get together. Some because they ship it and some because they hope it will chill Jason out.)

Jason who knows how strongly Neal hates violence and why is scared to face him. ( Jason used to do all the violence and protecting so Neal didn't have to on the streets.) He thinks Neal will be horrified and disgusted with him. He is also afraid that he will accidentally hurt him because or the pit madness. He is very grateful he didn't know where Neal was and was too focused on his vendetta to have gone after him when he was still not fully in control and delivering duffle bags of heads. (The pit madness getting less potent the longer a way from exposure & the person becoming more experienced in handling the rage.)

Of course Jason eventually decides he owes Neal to honor his promise to Neal that they would always be together/ find each other even in the next great adventure. He leaves a note written in there special code in there favorite book on his table explaining everything and giving him the option to meet him or send him back a message if he doesn't want to see his face.

Neal has a breakdown which Mozzie walks into. Neal tells him what happened to the first love he'd mentioned so often (usually when drunk). Mozzie freaks out and does not want Neal to go and then he freaks out that Red Hood might have overheard via bug and was going to kill him for coming in between them. Neal talks him down defending Jason. Mozzie gets scared all over again because he can see in Neals eyes what Neal knew he'd do as soon as he realized Jason was really alive, he was going to find him. (And kiss him)

Neal was too grateful to have his love back again and was upset for Jason. He could see how the pit and the league's manipulations had twisted the good in him. Neal meets up with Jason and points out all the good parts of Jason that poked through in his actions under the corruption. He will take Jason with all the trama and the near meta human abilities and rage and help him heal. He still loves him no matter how damaged he may be just as he knows Jason would do the same for him. Just as long as they have each other they can survive anything.

If anyone wants to write this fic with the level of story telling I currently don't have the patience or ware with all to write please go ahead and tag me or my AO3 is The_Wandering_Mage. I got too many WIP right now and I'm currently trying out new medication and are possibly suffering from malnutrition these are unrelated but, my cognitive capabilities at the moment definitely are not up to snuff. Also I'm sleep deprived and probably shouldn't be posting at all but, I got nothing better to do and at least this way it's out of my head. Breaking my own don't post while not completely cognizant rule.

#writing prompt #white collar #fanfic #dc fanfic #White Collar/ Batman crossover #white collar fanfic #batman fanfiction #Jason Todd/Neal Caffrey #dialogue writing prompt

[theoncomingdoo-dah]

Episode 1.1 Rose

One of the best introductions I've ever seen to a world and it's characters. I had barely any exposure to Doctor Who and this was a great starting point when I first watched it.

Rose's introduction couldn't be more perfect. We're given so much information about her in a quick succession of shots.

That also perfectly slow down when she enters the basement of Henriks. It gives this scene weight. Like her life has mostly been a fast succession of everyday living but now...something is about to change.

Billie is so pretty. That's not important to the episode but she is so pretty.

Also I forgot to mention! The shots of the window dummies in the opening Rose montage! That's such a cool detail!

Then the scene. You know the one. I don't have words it's just so perfect.

Nine's smile when Rose guesses that the dummies is a "student thing". The exact words in the Shooting Scripts is.

The Doctor smiles. He likes her.

Also that thing where Rose says it and then when the Doctor says 'Why students?' and Rose second guesses herself so she downplays her guess and he *insists* on her explaining? That's a neat detail too. Rose lacks confidence in her intelligence. The Doctor picked up on that and then gave her encouragement over her explanation. Just. 🥺🥺🥺 That's such a small detail but I love it.

It's sad that Christopher doesn't think he can do comedy because the absolute dead pan way Nine talks in the scene where he says "Nice to meet you, Rose. Run for your life!" is hilarious to me.

Also Rose's absolute frustration in this scene is equally hilarious.

Jackie! I love her. And Rose hanging up the phone. Iconic scene.

I genuinely feel like Mickeys introduction would've been better if it went like it did in the novelization with his friends. :L

I like how it portrays their relationship though. It's not perfect. It seems happy but at the same time, it seems like Rose is doing alot of compromising and giving more than her partner.

Nine looks so offended when Rose pulls him inside her flat. xD

"Anything could happen." ".....no." Iconic.

The Turn Of The Earth speech still gives me chills. Not to mention that little snippet of music that's gonna be become MUCH MORE important as the series goes on. Except this time it's accompanied by snare drums. Sounds very militant. OOOOH THATS CLEVER.

Clive and the shed scene are so much more fleshed out in the novelization. It serves it's purpose here but in the book he gets a backstory and a reason *why* he's so fascinated with the Doctor. Also we got Rose calling the 5th and 8th Doctors hot. Thank you RTD, very cool.

PIZZA.

"Is that it then, dishing out chips?" Well unfortunately for you, Rose...

Eyyyy Jimmy Stone mention. Bastard. He also gets a bit more fleshing out in the novelization.

Intro to the nu TARDIS. She's seen better days, and it's a far cry from 8s GORGEOUS interior. But she looks the part, alien, mysterious, fascinating.

Nine seems anxious to see this fascination from Rose. And even asks "Is that alright?" after mentioning that he's alien. He really does care, sometimes. 🥺

I freaking LOVE how Nine cannot stay mad at Rose. He goes from ranting about saving every stupid ape on the planet to gushing about his Police Box. "It's a telephone box from the 1950s. 😊 It's a disguise. ☺️" Then, "Antiplastic. 😀 ANTIPLASTIC! 😄"

FANTASTIC!

ROSES GIDDY ASS GRIN WHEN SHES RUNNING HAND IN HAND WITH NINE AAAAAAA

"The breast implants." Ah yes, Rose the bi disaster coming in clutch.

Goddamn Christopher knows how to portray the pain and regret of Nine in the scenes with the Nestene. He's almost got tears in his eyes when talking about the war.

Also Clives death scene is so much more poignant and tragic in the novelization.

the shot where Nine is restrained and Rose is by the TARDIS, above him and in the light, yeah. Yeah that's a nice shot. 👌

You cannot fathom my disappointment that the second turn of the earth scene is not actually in the show and is only in the novelization.

Nine actually acknowledging that Rose saved his life. 🥺

And looks genuinely disappointed when Rose says no to going with him. 🥺🥺 (Yet again, novelization kills it in this scene)

And the utter JOY Rose has when he comes back. 🥺🥺🥺

Final thoughts!

READ THE DAMN NOVELIZATION OF ROSE IF YOU HAVEN'T ALREADY!!

#dw #the doctor shitposts #the fantastic dw rewatch and so on

[finnig3n]

Growing up queer in the Balkans

Growing up and being aware that you are different in a way that, at the time, it seemed nobody else was, was insanely hard and fucking scary.

Realising you were something other than straight was so insanely terrifying that words couldn't describe how devastated i was. I spent my early years begging any god ,that maybe, just maybe could exist in this wast fucking universe to make me normal. Because I was never good enough, never normal enough, never just enough for anyone.

Realising i had a huge ass crush on one of my classmates was so heartbreaking. I pretended for so long that i liked the same popular boys everybody else did, but even then i was maid fun of for that.

I dont know what was worse for me , to be honest, the realisation and comming out to myself as a bisexual and a nonbinary person and finaly having the courage to put labels on how i was feeling , or my family , my parents, my grandparents finding out i wanted to look like a boy and kiss girls.

I knew i couldnt tell them, every fucking scenario i played out ended with me either gettting beaten to death or beaten and kicked out.

I planned my escape routs, i had a go bag that I maid for a , just in case they somehow finde out.

It was terrefing and scary and so fucking stress induing that I kept thinking im better off dead then being openly gay.

I never told anyone and it was eating me up inside. It felt like a huge part of me was just slowly dying from the lack of exposure, I felt i was dying.

Finally i had the courage after meeting a friend of mine who was also semi openly gay, to come out as bisexual.

I thought , ok i will just say im bi and the nonbinary trans thing im not gonna mention because what if they dont accept me.

Even now that i came out , and showed people who i actually am, i still feel reserved, and like i have to hide it a lot . Because Bosna is not a forgiving or an accepting place.

I came out in a bathroom of a psych word at 3 am to my mum, absolutely broken and fucked, because trying to explain to my parents that i was severely mentally ill was like trying to tell a fish that if they just try hard enough it can grow legs.

Suffice to say i had a huge mental breakdown and, i will spear you from the gorry details , lets just say it wasnt fun. I knew that this was my only shot at coming out to my parents, they werent there to hit me , i had the cover of a phone, i wasnt at home, and if it all went to shit there was a social worker who could help me get back on my feet.

I know, however stupid and sad and depressing it is going to sound, that my parents only accepted me because they thought i was going to kill myself. And i know that they love to deny it.

Even now they spew so much homophobic shit my way that i dont know how i can stay in the same room as them without crying my eyes out. I guess i just got used to it, even tho it still hurts like a mother fucker.

I mett so many lgbtq people in my country, and the first time i saw and mett a trans person who spoke my language and lived in the same streets and went to the same koffee shops as me, i wanted to cry out of happiness.

I wasn't alone, for the first fucking time, I wasn't alone. We talked about binding and testosterone and how to feel less disphoric, it was the first time THAT part of my life was understood by someone who was also trans.

I love my friends i really do, without them, i wouldn't be here, they are my found family, but they will never understand the trans part of me.

The discomfort and wanting to cut your body parts so you can look yourself in the mirror.

So i guess I'm writing this for that one person who lives in a country where it's absolutely fucked to be any sort of gay. Who, like me felt alone. This probably didn't make a lot of sense but it was just a brain dump so forgive me.

Have a nice day lovely humans. and sorry for the misspellings im disleksisk

Finn xoxo

#brain dump #lgbtq community #lgbtq #balkan #oh fuck i hate this #i dont know how to tagg #its 1 30 am and i cant sleep #so i wrote this #bc idk

[cloudyyangel]

Can I ask what your sexuality is?

You can ask! The real question is, do you know what your sexuality is? Pssst the answer is no

For a long time I thought I was bi, then I decided I was ace, then I thought maybe something like pan, and then back to bi. Ultimately, I don’t really have a preference? Like, if we vibe then that’s it we hit it off. I’m not really concerned about labeling it though.

#📫 mail’s here! #💌 anon! #I kind of got burnt out on trying to explain it over the years #I still like bi just because it was the first exposure I had to something that wasn’t straight. #but I don’t see bi as meaning just men or women. I see bi as liking anyone? which I guess is technically more like pansexual. ah. #I don’t know honestly. like if I’m looking to date someone I don’t mind what they identify as. just as long as they’re nice and stuff #I like everyone. I flirt with everyone. probably too much. that’s it. that’s my sexuality. #thank you for asking! I hope you have a wonderful day!!

[sunsetcurvecuddles]

Ok but imagine the boys being so free with touching each other that Alex doesn't even realize what effect he has on Willie when he plays with Willie's hair or brushes their pinkies together or hooks their ankles together under the table or drapes his arm around Willie's shoulder or or or

i’ve been crying over this ask ever since you sent it to me so have this. touch-starved willie but not the i can’t stop asking verse. just something very adjacent. whatever. no one told monet not to paint more water lillies.

--

Look, maybe Alex used to overthink touching the boys, when he was younger, when he was still trying to figure out what him being gay meant for that friendship - but Luke didn’t let those nerves last long, cuddled Alex every single damn day after he came out, like he was proving a point, stubborn and bull-headed as ever, until Reggie and Bobby followed his lead.

And when Alex’s anxiety skyrockets, his first red flag is that his skin feels wrong because he doesn’t want his boys to touch him.

But usually, when things are good, it’s so natural, for Alex, maybe the only thing he doesn’t overthink. To touch the boys, to have them touch him, is easy as breathing, flows like water.

So he doesn’t think, usually. He just reaches out, and they meet him in the middle - an arm around a waist, a hand against a shoulder, fingers running through each other’s hair or linking together or brushing a cheek. Reggie always flushes a little pinker, Luke grins a little wider, Bobby used to duck his head and grumble but push back against Alex, betraying himself.

Willie’s not that different. Like, obviously, he’s different, Alex feels little sparks along his arms every time he touches Willie, and a warmth that settles in his non-existent ghost-sensation bones that’s all totally different. It’s just that when Willie’s around more, after Caleb’s gone, Alex can’t help treating him like he treats the other people he lo--cares about. It’s almost absent-minded, almost muscle memory, the way he reaches out to push Willie’s hair out of his face, or link their pinkies when they’re walking, or to generally want Willie closer to him when they all crash Julie and Flynn’s after-school diner date (much to Julie’s irritation and Flynn’s amusement).

He feels like an idiot, when he links his ankle with Willie’s, and Willie’s eyes widen, he tenses, where he’s sitting pressed into the corner of the booth, Flynn on his other side. Alex feels his stomach drop. Quickly pulls his foot back.

Willie’s expression goes through a range of things, and he looks away, chews his lip. Alex has seen that expression before. Embarrassment. No - shame.

Luke is trying to bite through a chip. He can pick it up, but every time he tries to split it in half with his teeth, he just phases through. Flynn is muffling her laughter into her hand, Reggie’s laughing outright, and Julie’s trying to half-shield Luke with her body so passers-by don’t see a floating chip. And Willie won’t look at Alex.

It’s cool, Alex tells himself. He gets it. It was too much in front of their friends, or too much in general, he’s been totally desensitised by the boys (especially Luke, man, this is all Luke’s fault), and he somehow hadn’t noticed Willie reacting, and maybe Willie hates being touched but had done it because Alex obviously, blatantly needed it, or because -

Willie kicks him, very gently, with the toe of his shoe. When Alex looks up, Willie shoots him a grin, somewhere between rueful and affectionate and amused. Stop thinking so hard, he mouths.

Alex takes a breath. Willie doesn’t look mad. Or like he thinks Alex is desperate and pathetic, or whatever other mean words his anxiety had conjured out of the ether in the five seconds he left it unsupervised. Willie mimics the breath, and then takes a deeper one, and Alex follows along. Tries to put it out of his head for the rest of their time in the diner, tries to focus on the boys being idiots and Julie and Flynn chatting about kids from school. Willie pitches in terrible advice, seems for all intents and purposes to be his usual self, so Alex focuses on his breathing until the cold dread is sorta gone from his stomach again.

--

“What was that about earlier?” he asks Willie, finally, later that night when he can catch him alone. They’re outside the studio - the others have already filed inside, and Alex can’t tell if Julie hurried the others to give them some space, but he has his suspicions. “If something I’m doing has been bothering you, why wouldn’t you tell me?”

Willie’s face screws up, like he really doesn’t want to have this conversation, but Alex knows how that’s played out for them in the past. “It’s not that I don’t like it,” he says, and adds defensively, “really!” when Alex raises an eyebrow at him. Willie’s arms cross over his torso and he takes a step back from Alex, which hurts Alex way, way worse than Alex would like it to. “I just... I’m not used to it, okay? It’s not bad, it’s just so new for me.”

Well. Now Alex feels like an enormous idiot. “Oh. Yeah. Okay.” Swallows, tries to think. “I can back off?” he adds, in a much higher-pitched voice than he meant to.

“No, no,” Willie says, and moves forward again. Alex almost reaches for his arm, and then stops himself. Then does it anwyay, because Willie just told him not to back off. Willie shudders a little when Alex runs a hand up his arm. “See? It just makes me act weird, and I thought the others might see-”

“They wouldn’t care,” Alex promises, and he doesn’t have to overthink that, either. “I know they wouldn’t. Especially not Luke and Reg. They’re like me.”

Not Luke, who is ready to bolt the moment someone’s mad at him and needs to be touched every five minutes or he starts to panic that no one loves him, or Reggie, who cowers at any loud noise and needs to be touched to even feel like he exists. Not Julie, even, who had barely been able to take her hands off them for a moment when they finally became tangible, like she was scared the second she let go they would disappear.

Least of all Alex, who hid things until he was choking on them. Can’t hide how much he loves touch, when he’s feeling safe and calm.

“It just feels like so much,” Willie manages. “It’s not bad. It’s just so much. Maybe I just need more exposure.”

Alex looks at him for a long moment, takes in the uncertainty plain on his face, the way he’s still got his arms crossed tight, his thumb digging into his inner elbow, the way he had flinched at the restaurant. Tries to remember how it felt to hold himself away from the boys for the few months before he came out. How it felt when Luke was all over him, right after, the jittery oversensitivity coupled with waterfalls of relief. How it only got better with time, and touch, and love, and the boys’ patience.

He can give those things to Willie, he thinks.

“Can I hug you?” he asks, and his voice has a raw edge. Willie nods, lips pressed tight together like he’s scared of what will come out if he opens them. So Alex gives him the tightest hug he can muster. Willie shudders, a full-body release, and then holds him back.

For a moment they just stand like that, warm in each other’s arms. Alex rests his chin on the top of Willie’s head and runs one hand down his back, and up again.

“Exposure?” he checks, after who knows how long. “Is it working?”

“I don’t know,” Willie answers. He sounds a little better. “Think I’ll need a little longer to be sure. Maybe the next 48 business hours.” Yeah, much better.

“That can be arranged,” Alex agrees, even though it absolutely can’t, and is rewarded by Willie’s giggle, still a little wet, but so much more like himself. “Let’s at least arrange it on the couch, okay?”

Willie glances inside the studio, and Alex feels him hesitate. “They don’t care,” he promises Willie again. “They get it.”

This time Willie nods. Alex takes his hand, and they go inside together.

jatp taglist (lmk if you wanna be added/removed!): @queenmolina @nickalicious @bi-reginald @malecacidd @jughead-is-canonically-aroace @joyandthephantoms @cinnamonstickrayofsunlight @chickwiththepurpleguitar @burntchromas

--

see more prompt fills here

#willex #jatp #julie and the phantoms #alex mercer #willie #my fic #not touch starved willie... my kryptonite.... #queenofthequillandink

[heyitsyn]

Nekoma!Manager!Male!Reader

a/n: never written male reader before but this was a funny request and i really do see the irony in this

anon request:  

absolutely LOVED your seijoh hcs! you said you wanted to do the other schools so i thought, how about nekoma but with a MALE manager bc it would be so ironic to have a male god as their manager rather than a goddess that they always talked about!! thank youuuuuuu!!!!!!!

yall the nekoma fanchant is literally stuck in my head

hehe uwu lets step on the pedal

ong jesus take the wheel pls

so basically,,,

being the nekoma manager is a MESS

lets say youre a second year and was only the manager bc you were begged into taking the job

like wouldnt leave you alone and pestered you 25/8, screaming about needing their own god manager

also just because, you are fairly popular and you have your own fanclub of girls in nekoma and they thought it would give them more exposure and more chances w girls :’)

tora was actually the first who came up to you and begged you to be their manager during class one day bc they are in need of one but they arent allowed to have a girl manager so he turned to having a handsome male

‘I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY IT HAS TO BE A BOY’

‘so you wont be all over him abd be distracted w showing off’

‘WHO ARE YOU TO QUESTION MY SE-’

‘tora, please’

initially, you refused bc you just couldnt be bothered to be part of a club where you basically babysit a bunch of overgrown children

but kenma, your childhood friend, was the team’s last attempt to get you in since kuroo mentioned that he was the only one you listened to

‘kenma, babie, i love you, but i am your friend, not your nanny. so unless i am paid, i will not waste my time taking care of of all of you. especially that chicken head’

‘y/n, yaku is on his last leg here. we really need a manager and we need it fast’

‘you went for years without one so why do you need it?’

‘we’re scared that nekomata would just drop dead any minute now’

‘yanno? im surprised hes even still alive with yall’

‘....... ill show your fangirls that picture of you when we were 5 when-’

‘okay, kenma. rude about the blackmail but okay. dont expect me to be the maid or anything’

nope, you were actually the maid

and the cook

and the nanny

and the laundry person

the everything

it baffles you that kuroo is about to graduate next year yet he still doesnt know the difference between fabric softener and detergent

the amount of times you sent him to pick up more and only to send him back when he ended up buying 2 softeners or 2 detergents

‘they all look the same!’

‘kuroo tetsuro cAN yOu NoT rEAd?!’

ngl i still mix them up sometimes

during matches, youre basically their mother, their nanny, and nekomata’s notetaker, and their personal cheerleader

naoi, the other coach guy, and coach nekomata has adopted you as a son bc of how hard you work and the less the burden is on them

like your notes about their playing percentages really works and helps them and added with the chores you do for the team?

godsend

also, lets put your popularity in here

you dress with a white shirt and zip up your red nekoma jacket with your red sweatpants so you look like one of the players, right?

but how come every time they have practice, youre the only one with the fangirls in the bleachers?

youre literally wearing the same thing as them yet youre the only one who gets looked at?!

even kuroo, who was quite good looking, doesnt have that many girls pining after him yet you, resident anti-tryhard, seems to get the female population to fall for you just by doing the simplest things like breathing

youd be doing normal things like using your whistle as you hold a clipboard and girls would be screeching at you 

‘omg m/n is so hot!’

‘hes just !!!! uuggghhhh’

‘siri how to be a whistle?’

i am uncomfortable with the energy we have created in the gym today

tora complains about it all the time bc first, they cant have a beautiful manager, two, they have a pretty boy who’s taking the attention away

‘SO NOT FAIR! M/N, TURN UGLY!’

you bonk him on the head in anger and threaten to quit all the time

‘say that again and you’ll be filling your own water bottles tomorrow’

but in truth though, the guys really do appreciate you and everything you do

they know that you balance them with your personal life and classes and still make time to do their laundry and make them food

so they have started easing off the burden and weight off of your shoulders

at first, you were very suspicious when they told you that they already filled their water bottles

‘huh? i didnt think you even knew where the water fountain was’

‘wym weve been doing this for years’

-kuroo

then, you heard kuroo tell the others to put their sweaty jerseys in the basket in the corner of the room and for the last person to carry it to the laundromat

‘um, sir, we dont want to have another pink jersey disaster again’

you stopped inuoka from lugging the basket but he shook his head and gave you a wide grin

‘nope, m/n-senpai! i’ll carry it for you! i’m strong, see?’

he flexed his right arm muscle while holding the basket with one hand but it was too heavy so it fell to the ground, spilling out all the practice jerseys

you sighed before bending down to pick them up and babie inuoka’s eyes watered, thinking you were mad at him

‘gomen, senpai’

he whispered but you looked up at him from your position

his watery eyes made you frantically stand up and wipe his tears with the pads of your thumbs

‘inu-kun, why are you crying? you said you were strong right? dont cry over silly things, okay?’

he nodded and you were still confused as to why he was so emotional but you patted his fluffy hair 

‘now cmon, lets go take these to the shop’

unbeknownst to you, the team was actually seething from behind the wall

naturally, as a,,, manager,, you became their,,, energy?? 

like the slightest affections from you made their health bar increase tenfold and they didnt necessarily have any intentions towards you

you were like,,, their own,,,, happy drug?? like a human seratonin??

just the fact that they had someone like you to fall back on and give them love when they lost or something

it was comforting

usually it was just the team’s responsibility to throw away their own sadness and comfort each other

but with you,,,

they could easily cry with no fear and you would comfort them until they didnt need to be comforted anymore

eventually, they ended up straight out competing against each other on who would get the most affection

clearly, inuoka used his first year card and everyone knew you were soft for your kouhais

like you would just grab them and hug them because of how cute they were

uwu especially lev?! 

he may be a giant but hes just a really REALLY REALLY BIG CAT

;)

LEV LIVES TO HUG YOU

like the mans is beanstalk level of height and despite the age difference, he just picks you up and cuddles you and youre just like ‘okay, let it out babie’

DKSFJSLD ANYWAYS

you are always a hot topic w all the students in nekoma and even some in other schools

like during training camp, bro you making everyone question their sexuality

omg akaashi and you are probably the prettiest people there and can i just say how everyone cant focus on a practice match bc youd be laughing together or something and they havent heard anything so beautiful??

and the kitties get really defensive over you and hiss at anyone who even tries to approach you

hiss hiss

DKJFSLKDFJDWHAT IF EVERYONE IN THE TEAM IS BI

OMG WHAT

like the little touches from you make them so red and confident gays like kuroo and bokuto call you out on them and tease you 

while the quiet ones like akaashi and kenma are just blushing and stutter and you tease them instead?

*inhale* BOI *exhale*

the uke and seme dynamic is real on this one

however, there are times when the turned tables

there was that one day that you were seriously questioning if bokuto wore leggings or just really high knee pads and you cornered him after baths to just figure it out

like our poor confident boi turned to a shy babie and shrunk against the wall, covering his red face

‘y-y/n-kun’

‘bo-san, i just want to know’

DKFSJLKDFJFJSDKIM DYING OVER HERE LIKE PLEASE I DONT OWN Y/N

after seeing the smidge of skin at the top of the kneepad, you nodded and brushed your fingertips over the flesh

‘hmm~ so i was right~’

FROM THEN ON POOR BABIE OWL COULDNT LOOK AT YOU THE SAME!!!!!!

it worried everyone so much when bokuto would glance at you in the sidelines and he would competely miss akaashi’s set bc his eyes would focus on you rather than the ball

like he absolutely couldnt take his eyes off of you and when you do turn to meet his eyes, he shrinks back and looks away, completely missing your amused smirk

now, your kitties werent happy about that

theyre very protective of you and they felt that this owl could snatch you right up and fly away

and kuroo, being the captain and the head of the familia, took it upon himself and dragged you to the back of the gym while the others were practicing

kurat pushed you against the wall and basically kabedonned you

KUROO IS LIKE 6′2 OR 190 CM I CANT

‘you seem close with bokuto, l/n. almost, too,, close’

an amused smirk etched itself on your lips and you pressed a hand on his chest

‘oya~? captain-san, am i being punished?’

SFDKLFSJKLDFJL SIR Y/N IS SUPPOSED TO RADIATE SEME ENERGY BUT HE ISNT AND I CANNOT-

ofc he was taken aback by your flirty attitude but he smirked and softly brushed away your bangs that slightly covered your eyes

‘hmm~~ depends, y/n-kun. are you going to be a good kitty and stay with the clowder? or are you going to stay with those pesky chickens~?’

DKFLSJDKFJSL BRO DID YOU KNOW A GROUP OF CATS IS CALLED A CLOWDER?! I DIDNT EVEN KNOW THAT BUT I HAVE A FEELING KUROO WOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT BC HE BIG BRAIN

you chuckled and gently wrapped your arms around his shoulders

but your hand grabbed the hair at the back of his head and harshly pulled him to be closer to you

your eyes blinked innocently but your sharp teeth were shown from your malicious grin

‘ive always been a bad kitty, captain. so i dont care what you say because you cant tell me what to do~’

👀👀👀👀

imagine what happens next bc i cant write something unholy

anyways

so you learned that tetsu CAN in fact tell you what to do and you avoided everyone else which caused them to wonder but one look at your neck

well,,,,,

you got attacked by a cat 

a cat named tetsu

SKDFLJSDKFJSLKUROO IS THE ONLY SEME YOU CLASH WITH

THE OTHERS ARE ALL UKE

EVEN BEEFY BUFF CAKE BOI BO

but you toned it down to not be attacked again

ngl the whole team was all jealous and they even whined to kuroo about it

‘thats not fair!!!!’

‘stop abusing your role as captain!!!!’

they hated the fact that kuroo got you first so they all rally over to keep you away from him

like baby kenma would nudge you over and bring him to sit next to you, saying he needs you to help him with a certain level

‘kenny, im not sure how to play this game’

‘hmm,,,, youre a quick learner, y/n, and youre really quick with your fingers so you could pass to the next level’

*insert lenny face*

‘oya? and you would know how, kenny?’

and baby kenny would fluster a little before glomping to your side and burying his face into your shoulder to hide away

OR

the first years would absolutely use their kouhai priviledges and bring you over to help them with ‘homework’

‘you guys realize i passed because kuroo would beat me into studying right?’

‘but senpai! you mustve learned a thing or two in your classes!’

‘bold of you to assume i was even awake in my classes’

but they still make you spend hours trying to help them which turn into just messing around 

KSDLFJSDKFJD MOVIE NIGHTS YOU GUYS THATS IT!!

there isnt really a single calm moment in your guys’ practice

poor you have already started seeing lot of gray hairs

you literally decline every single confession just because youre too busy for a date and you cant handle having to take care of another person

its like youre dating the whole team!!

soon the entire school have just accepted the fact that you are just simply not in the market anymore just because you joined the club

not because youre actually taken by a girlfriend but youre taken by a bunch of teenage males

imagine how that works out

anyways

youre not really the best volleyball player out there but you know a thing or two

well,,, its more like your stamina doesnt allow you to play long bc a single lap literally destroys your lungs

but you still know when yaku complains about having a shaky receive

‘oh, momo-senpai, youre bending your knees too low so gravity is pushing down on your-’

ugh chemistry i hate it

despite your lack of athletic or physical skills, they still appreciate you for your keen eyes, your caring nature, and your overall looks that give them motivation to play harder to impress you personality :)

all the boys love you

and tbh

you love your boys too

even though it was a blackmail caused event,

you still would’ve joined otherwise

this is kinda short but its going to be longer if i find some plots or somebody asks for a plotline that i can write about for a long time

anyways

byeeeee :)))))

a/n: this isnt exactly the best manager one ive written but ill probably find a good prompt for this or again as stated ^^ someone sends in an ask for it and ill write a story for our favorite male manager :’D

#haikyuu #haikyu!! #haikyuu imagines #haikyuu!! imagines #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu!! headcanons #nekoma #nekoma x reader #nekoma imagines #nekoma scenarios #nekoma manager #nekoma headcanons #haikyuu manager #haikyuu!! manager #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu!! fluff #nekoma fluff #haikyuu male #haikyuu x male reader #haikyuu!! male #haikyuu!! x male reader #nekoma male manager #nekoma male #haikyuu male manager #haikyuu!! male manager #haikyuu male reader #haikyuu!! male reader

[uponrightful]

If this is greater than 500 or been asked before I'm sorry !!

But what about from Wolffe's POV:

“Please. Look at me.” Unencumbered by the modulator, that low voice sounded clearer than ever. Not even in her dreams could she hear that constant burr all the clones had. Especially Wolffe. Weakened by his command, she tilted her gaze up.

The girl broke into a loud sob.

Bi-colored eyes stared deep into hers, searching past her watery eyes with a fierceness that left her hands fumbling for purchase. On anything. Anywhere. And after a few seconds, her heart decided on his face. Her cries deepened, as she pulled herself closer to him. Burying her face to his exposed neck, all in weakness of seeing that beautiful scar over his face. She saw that golden glitter in his eye, and the soft expression she’d dreamt of over and over again. She felt the heat of his skin against her face, bringing her even closer to the lucid dreams she’s spent the past years of life in just to get one more night of feeling him.

“You found me.” She moaned into his neck, releasing fear-filled cries against him. She just hoped it was real. That he was truly back, and not under that evil influence that had terrified

her for so long. “Please, don’t hurt me again.” She pleaded, gripping harshly at the edges of his armor, pulling him impossibly closer despite her fright. “You found me.”

It was too much all at once. His smell, his voice, the sound of his heart, his arms suddenly wrapping tight around her waist as she fell further into him. She remembered that strength, holding her in the early morning hours, securing her to his bare chest like there was nowhere in the galaxy he’d rather be. Protecting her, and silently loving her even while asleep. Now, down on her knees in the snow, it was all she could do to hold onto him. All she knew was that she’d found him. And whatever it was telling her she was safe, this time she was certain she could trust it. Hearing him say speak so softly… it was all she could take.

“I found you Wolffe.”

Their reunion just really got me 😍

Commentary Track for Welcome Company

Copy 500 words -or more- of any of my fics and I’ll give my thoughts/rambles on what was going through my head -or the character’s- when I wrote it!

*Send one in here*

Oh my 🤍🤍 This one makes me so happy 😍😍 Let's get into it!

***

Wolffe hadn't heard Mando'a apart from Rex for years. And even then, Rex wasn't the most habitual with it. Only muttered phrases, or using it as a reassurance of sensitive information when they weren't sure who was listening in. Being Bounty Hunters meant that the pair heard a lot of languages, but nothing sounded quite like Mando'a. They'd met thousands of people traversing the galaxy hunting targets for petty pay-outs, all of them with particular voices, and lilts that set them apart from everyone else. But... there was one voice that Wolffe wanted to hear so badly, listening for her everywhere, all the time.

So when he heard that sweet voice, that soft burr of Mando'a, Wolffe felt like the entire galaxy has stopped spinning. His heart was beating out of his chest, and he felt fearful that it was just another false alarm. That his mind was playing another cruel trick on him for being so kriffing hopeful all this time. But he couldn't chance it, and turned around to see his entire world standing right there before him like she'd never left. Wolffe had spent so long looking that actually seeing Pup felt like a dream. There was a mirage-like effect that kept him from speaking her name, or even realizing that his appearance was probably not a welcome one.

He tried to say something... anything. But nothing but a failed choke could be heard over the blustering snow and wind around them. He saw her flinch, the way her whole body shied away from him then. In that moment he recognized a shocking fear; One that came from seeing a man in armor, and of what they could do when their mind wasn't their own. Wolffe didn't know what to do. He did want to keep her from running, but by the way things were going already, his chances didn't look good. He opened his mouth to try and speak again, but before he could get anything out she utterly collapsed.

"Please don't hurt me."

It cuts Wolffe down to the bone to hear her say those words. They echo painfully in his mind and he feels the weight of his incompetence and broken promises to her fall in a fiery crash all around him. All he ever wanted was to keep her safe... Protect her from the things he'd spent his whole life fighting to ignore and suffering through nightmares because of. Her cries were painful, and attacking his heart in a way that was too excruciating to ignore. Wolffe knew he'd been absent, and he blamed himself wholly, but he couldn't resist from trying to reassure her that he wanted nothing more than to hold her again.

Note: Wolffe is a man of action. He's not good with words, and often they just fail him completely. And when I drafted the first cut of this chapter, I didn't use Wolffe's point of view because I wanted to focus on Pup's first sight of a clone in general. I wanted you to experience that fear alongside her, and although you knew it was Wolffe all along, she doesn't know that. And even if her mind had allowed for it, she still would've been wholly fearful of him anyways.

Note: Wolffe's blame isn't well-founded. He has a skewed idea of what is really his fault and what isn't because he remembers everything he did under the influence of his inhibitor chip. Although he couldn't fight it, Wolffe still holds himself to such a high standard that he honestly believes that he just wasn't good enough to fight against it. This is part of his weakness as a character, and more so as a man in general. He thinks strength is something he has to possess all the time; That showing weakness is a sign of his inability to perform the tasks he was created for. (And aside from loving Pup, Wolffe is very harsh on himself when that standard isn't upheld to the fullest.)

Every movement was deliberately slow. Wolffe could see her terror, and for once in his life, he thought that maybe showing her his face might be the only thing that would put someone at ease. The one part of him that he hated most was the only proof that he was still the man she'd been so kind to love in the first place. The same scar and eye that Pup had so softly fawned over, and loved like it had always been a part of him. Her eyes were bloodshot and overflowing with fat and heavy tears, darting everywhere but at his visor... It broke his heart, and he wanted to help it stop, but she needed this to be done right. And that meant slowly. The second she shied away, Wolffe felt the first pinch of his own emotion beginning to take over. His chest burned and pressure started building behind his eyes. His baby... His precious girl was so terrified that she couldn't bear it.

"Please. Look at me."

Wolffe knew his voice wasn't enough. And his plead was desperate, begging for her to take a chance that she had every right to ignore. But something in him was adamant. Maybe it was knowing that he was this close and it was up to her to decide whether this could go any further, or maybe Wolffe just needed to see her face again. It'd been so long, and he'd not forgotten a single detail, but there was nothing that compared to seeing her somewhere other than his dreams.

It was instant recognition, and Wolffe was utterly torn apart with relief when she lurched towards him. It was galaxy-shattering to feel her hands on him, and see that fear instantly transition into shock that matched his own. Her fingers were frozen, and Wolffe finally began to take in the first signs that Pup was actually not in the best health in that moment. But he couldn't pay proper attention to it with her cold nose and hot panting breath fanning his neck.

She's really here. I can hold her again. I don't have to keep looking anymore... hurting anymore. She's safe. My baby is right where she belongs.

"You found me."

He's been trying not to move too fast, but she's holding onto him too tight; Practically climbing into his lap to get closer. And Wolffe is a patient man, but he can't resist from wrapping his arms around her and hauling her as tight to his chest as he can. She's fucking shaking, from the immense fear and shock, but from this nasty weather that's made her coat almost rock-hard from frozen sweat and body heat. Wolffe knows she's in danger of over-exposure, and now that he's certain she's safe, it takes almost immediately takes priority.

The first thing Wolffe does is cry.

It's not a soft relief of tears, nor is it the quiet kind that soldiers hide beneath their helmet when they're afraid of showing their humanity. These are the kind that hurt. The ones that make your chest feel like it's being cracked open and your head is being pressed by a vice. Wolffe cries like the day his chip was removed; And despite not remembering that day, he couldn't care less that an entire outpost of people are watching him cling to this little woman he's wailing over. It's the rawest emotion Wolffe has ever felt in his life, and for all of the loss and guilt he feels, that's a fucking statement he's not surprised by in the slightest.

Pup is his motivation. She's always been his light at the end of the tunnel, and his reason to keep going when he didn't feel like he could physically do it any longer. He spent his whole life believing that he wasn't worthy of anything good, or wholesome. And right when he's at his lowest, someone -or something- decides that what he needs is a woman with a soft voice and a love for him that is unmatched and limitless. Wolffe clings to that with everything in him, just to have her ripped away again. Now he's holding her. Soothing her at her lowest point, and wondering just what he did to have another second chance and falling apart with gratitude and pure fucking love for this woman because even after all this time she still found it in herself to love him.

So Wolffe cries like never before, because love is the most painful thing he's ever felt before. But he would've have it any other way.

***

Thank you for the request my love 🤍

I tried to focus more on Wolffe here than on my own thoughts while writing. I don't get to write from his perspective often anymore and I really loved getting the opportunity to do so! So thank you for letting my give Wolffe some much-deserved love!

#welcome company #commander wolffe #wolffe #pup #commentary track #uponrightful #uponrightfulwrites

[max-vandenburg-is-life]

Long Loki rant incoming

Ok first things first I've always liked Loki a lot as a character but I don't consider myself a really really big fan mainly because I haven't read the comics. So all this rant is gonna be only about mcu loki and loki in the mcu has been written differently depending on the movie so yeah. And on that note let's go!!!!

So today I'm gonna talk about what I liked and what I didn't like about the Loki show. This is obviously just my opinion, you can disagree with me! I'd love to hear your opinions!

First I wanna talk about is the writing of Loki's character. So previously it has been established in the mcu that Loki doesn't do bad things just because he's a bad guy or because he wants power above everything else, but because after all the manipulation and lying he went through as a child, the abuse, always been seen as less than those around him and being taught to hate himself for who he was (a Jotun). He wants validation and being treated the same as the others, he doesn't really care about ruling or being king. His actions are a result of his trauma. So the show painting him as "He's a bad guy!! He's evil he can't help it it's in his nature!! He just wants to be king!!!" felt off to me since it completely goes against all the previous canon. Apart from that, I feel the show also erased other aspects of him that had always been essential to his character, such as him being very smart and always having a plan, and his powers (he BARELY used his powers throughout the season and he's supposed to be the best sorcerer in the nine realms. Please). So yeah there's that. I didn't absolutely despise his character in the show or anything like that, he generally seemed more happy and chill and that was good, I just felt some aspects of the character seemed inconsistent.

Apart from Loki, something I loved about the show were all the new characters that we were introduced to. Sylvie was absolutely fantastic, she had a well written tragic backstory, she had a goal and she had layers. She was a really well written character. Also she was just really cool overall, she had a cool personality and seeing her use her powers was very fun. (Sylvie your hand in marriage) (I guess I can talk about the "betrayal" now. So yeah not gonna lie I don't think it was that bad. She had a goal she had been pursuing her whole life and she obviously prioritized that before a guy who she met a few days ago. She did hurt him of course but still it's easy to understand her decision.) Mobius was also really cool, in the first episode I didn't like him much but I started liking him a lot later on. He's just a good guy, he wants to help people. (HE ONLY WANTED A JETSKI MARVEL). And I liked his story a lot, he was forced into working for the tva because his memories were erased and he was told what he was doing the right thing when killing all those people, but once he finds out all of it was false he immediately starts going against it and trying to help as many people as he can. Ravonna was also a good character (I keep saying all of them are good characters lol they're well written ok). Like okay she was a little bit evil but I liked her. I really liked her ambition and her confidence. I would have loved to know more about her life at the tva, because it seemed like because of her position she knew some things that most didn't. Hunter B15 was also really good, loved her character development. Casey only appeared in the first two eps but for some reason I liked him a lot idk why. Casey my beloved. Kang was mind-blowing good, he absolutely carried the episode. He was so fun to watch and a very interesting character. This is how you do villains Marvel. And then all the Loki variants were amazing. Classic Loki was great, he was more mature and wiser than the Loki we're used to watching and I felt really sad about his whole situation (aka trying and failing to find his brother because he missed him, getting pruned and then dying). Kid loki was a BLAST, I really liked the little funky dude and I would love to know more about his life. Boastful Loki didn't appear for long but I liked him a lot, he looked like a really funny guy I wish he had had more screen time. And then there was the Lokigator which was also great. President Loki was also cool (meaning he had the coolest outfit), but we didn't see much of him. I think that's a big problem with the show, because they made it seem like it was gonna be more about the other Loki variants and their timelines (that's what it seemed to me from the trailers) but then we barely got that. Sad shit.

Now let's talk about the writing of the show in general. The writers definitely went off with the philosophical conversations, I enjoyed them greatly (Loki's and Mobius' talk in the second ep and Loki's and Sylvie's talk in the third ep were amazing). Something I didn't like at all about the show (this is probably my biggest complaint) is that the writing of the show throughout the episodes didn't seem consistent, like each episode seemed to be a different genre, and that made the whole story feel weird. What I'm trying to say is: the first episode was about Loki learning more about his life and reflecting on why he does the things he does. There was more to the episode but it was mainly that. It was a very emotional episode. The second episode looked like a cop show, they investigated a crime scene in the beginning, they did some detectiving, they had a great breakthrough and found out were the villain was hiding in the end. The third episode was an action episode. It gave me the vibes of mid season episode that isn't too relevant to the plot in which the characters go on some short mission. The fourth episode I can't exactly categorize it I think it was kinda like episode 1 but with some more action. The fifth episode was also a mix, they had a lot of reflecting on Loki's character like in the first episode and then also some action. And the last episode was mostly just exposition and a tiny bit of action at the end, very philosophical and stuff. It also felt like in the first two episodes they were indicating that the show was gonna be about free will and good and evil but that kind of disappeared for a big part of the show. I'm trying so hard to explain myself well, I hope what I say makes sense. Now my opinion on the episodes, my favourites were definitely ep 1, 3 and 5 (haha odd numbers go brrrr). The pilot was absolutely amazing, and I loved the direction the show seemed to be taking (YES MARVEL explore his trauma mmmm that's some good shit right there). It was really emotional but like in a good way. The third episode was great. I think it balanced really well the action and the dialogue, seeing Loki and Sylvie going on their shenanigans, using their powers and fighting was really fun, and then the train talk scene was absolutely amazing (bi loki yay! Gonna talk about this later). The fifth episode was great mostly because seeing all the other Loki variants and how they contrasted between each other was fantastic and I loved it. I really hope we see more of the variants in the next season. The other eps, the second and fourth were okay, the one I think was the worst one was the last one. Damn that episode. It was a very slow episode. Thank god the guy who plays Kang was really good because otherwise the episode would have been impossible to watch. There was so much exposure but it felt like we already knew most of it? They talked about how multiple timelines existing was bad because chaos and stuff, and they talked about the war in which the different timelines battled each other. Ok we already knew this. I feel like the only important thing to take from that whole talk was that Kang's variants are very powerful and dangerous and they were introducing the villain to the mcu. The whole episode felt like instead of giving closure to the characters or ending some storylines, the main thing it was doing was introducing the concept of the multiverse for the next marvel movies.

Something that surprised me a lot about the show is how important it is for the mcu storyline. Like in the first episode they talked about how the tva (and of course Kang) was much more powerful than the Infinity Stones, when basically all previous marvel movies were about them and about their power. And then Kang was revealed to have created a sacred timeline, he controls absolutely everything that happens. All of this is so important and for some reason I didn't think the show was gonna be like this. Not that I'm complaining, this is great. And I feel like a lot of people are not realising how big it is? Like I don't see much talking about how this is literally the greatest power in the universe.

Damn this is getting long sorry.

I suppose I'll have to talk about it because it has been this big thing. I'm talking about the loki x sylvie pairing. I didn't like it too much, it felt a lot like the writers went "he's a guy she's a girl so they have to fall in love", like I felt they had a very different dynamic and when they said that I was mostly surprised and confused. Because they were variants of each other their romance felt weird to me, and the fact that they made a character genderfluid and then made a woman and a man version fall in love also rubbed me the wrong way (I'll talk about the genderfluidity later). I did like the mobius x loki pairing more, but still I don't think they should have got any romance this season, I feel like there has to be a lot more progress in that relationship before any romance. I generally feel like Loki should first start getting some friends and then later on we can start with romance. But yeah this is just my opinion. And all the drama and discourse there has been over this???? Some of you guys look ridiculous not gonna lie.

Ok now let's talk about representation. I'm not poc myself so I don't feel like I'm in the position to say if something was good or bad, so I'm not gonna talk about poc rep. The show did a good job with female characters, many of the main characters were women and they were very well-written, not sexualized and cast appropriately for their age (I can't believe I'm praising this, this should be the bare minimum. Why is media in general so bad. Like please just.) About the bi rep now. I'm sure that the writers or directors of the show had to fight really hard with marvel so that they could make loki canon bi, so yeah cheers to that guys good job. Obviously it's not enough, and I really hope his bisexuality is explored more later. But yeah we finally have a queer character in the mcu this is big. Now about the genderfluid rep. OOF. I have a lot to say about this. It was bad. Really bad. I don't know if they just don't know what genderfluid means but that's what it looks like after watching the show. Not only were all of the variants cis, but they also went on to say that Loki as a woman was a weird and uncommon thing. Oh my god. And what angers me the most is the fact that Marvel used the so called genderfluid confirmation to their benefit. They exploited so much that little piece of paper that said his sex (not even gender) was fluid. I saw SO MANY articles praising marvel for making him canon genderfluid, and then it was absolutely shit. Absolutely shit. Out of everything in the show this is definitely what I hate the most.

Gotta calm down now. The soundtrack of the show was amazing, the actual songs they used were perfect and then the music they composed for the show was just *chef's kiss* (i have no idea how they're called but the song that plays during the title sequence WHAT A BANGER and the one that plays when loki and mobius are looking at the whole tva from the balcony in the first ep WHAT A BANGER). The aesthetic of the show was also great, the colours were really pretty (Lamentis bi colours my beloved) and I think it had some really cool shots. The acting was great, I'm gonna highlight Kang because I thought he was amazing. The costumes and that stuff were also really cool, I really liked seeing all the different versions of outfits they gave to the Loki variants (if anyone is interested I made another post reviewing all the variants' outfits) and Kang's funky costume was great too. The design of the places and that stuff (I have no idea how to call these lol I'm trying so hard but I don't know any of the technical words) was great: Lamentis was really beautiful, the void was also very cool and the tva was really well designed.

Ok y'all I think this is it. I'm so sorry this is much longer than I expected and if anyone actually reads all of it i love you and PLEASE tell me your thoughts (if anyone wanna chat about the show with me privately send me a message!!! I love talking with y'all). A little final note, English is not my first language, nor my second, so yeah sorry if I can't explain myself well. Bye!!!!

#i feel like this is super long and boring so if anyone actually reads all of it thanks #these are basically all my thoughts i really had to let them out #overall I'll say it was a pretty good show if we forget Loki's weird characterisation and the terrible genderfluid rep #i realized a few days ago that i can actually say whatever i want #like i can say my opinion i can say what i think and then people can disagree with me! and it's no big deal #I'm allowed to have opinions on things as well as everyone else #I'm working on some stuff #anyways that's all #please tell me what y'all think #I'd love to talk about the show! #loki spoilers #loki show #loki series #sylvie #mobius #kang the conqueror #he who remains #classic loki #kid loki #lokigator #gator loki #boastful loki #bisexual representation #genderfluid representation #ravonna renslayer #hunter b 15 #marvel #marvel show #loki #an original post no way

[anti-porn-unicorn]

I’m a girl (18 now) who got exposed/addicted to pornography at a really young age, and I wanted to share my specific story on this blog so that the platform can get it out there.

Under the cut is my full story, and it’s a little long winded, so if you don’t want to read the whole thing, I bolded in purple the general topic/idea of that section. Just look for whichever of those interests you and the section will be about that. The first and last paragraph are good for context and end goal, though.

Thank you.

I don't fully remember my first exposure to porn. I know I was in third grade (6-7 yrs old, I had skipped a grade). The reason I had wanted to share my story, in fact, is because I don't see many stories with circumstances similar to mine. Most I see have at least one of the following 'modifiers', for want of a better word. Most I see have at least one of the following 'modifiers', for want of a better word. Most I see have at least one of the following 'modifiers', for want of a better word. 1. The person is a victim of CSA/grooming. 2. The person was at a generally pubescent age (~11-14). And/or 3. The person experienced porn as a quick disturbance. To be clear, these stories are as valid and important as mine, and I simply think more perspectives make evidence of the effects of porn more airtight. I've never been the victim of SA, harassment, or grooming, ever in my life. My story shows the effects of exclusively porn.

The first memory I can recall about this was actually the first time I got caught. I was 6 yrs old, and very into video games,so on this day, I was playing a 3D porn game on my crappy hand-me-down laptop. I kind of knew that what I was doing wasn't acceptable, so I was sitting in my room in the corner as far from my door as possible. My mom walked in so I just slammed the laptop shut because I wasn't that good at hiding things. My mom obviously asked what I was doing, and I tried to keep her from looking, but it was right there when she reopened it. This is where the battle of it begins.

From ages 6-14 I don't have a good timeline of events but a few pop out that exemplify the severity of the issue. These are very probably out of order.

I got an iPod Touch for Christmas (~6-7), and every night I would watch porn on it until they caught on. I literally still remember some names of the sites, most that don't even exist anymore. My parents have always been amazingly caring. I couldn't ask for more. During the earlier ages (~6-8) I was put with a child therapist for fear of a deeper issue. My parents started either taking technology away in the night and/or setting restrictions on the internet. Unfortunately, between my slight tech-savvy, and my crazed addiction at this point, this wasn't a solution.

The addiction got DEEP. It warped my brain. When I had no technology, I used everything I could find.

Whenever I had access to less restricted internet, I used it. Once I asked my older cousin to use her iPod and watched it on there.(she noticed and told my mom. I remember my mom had asked me "Is there anything you need to tell me?", and I knew what she meant, but I just said "nope!" and walked away. At one point my dad's work provided him with a Blackberry, and I asked him could I play one of the built in little games. Once I had it, I watched porn. (when I gave it back to him he pressed the "back" button, and I was caught.)

I used Youtube. This was when YouTube was way less moderated (back when the app was a little old timey TV). I learned I could look up "striptease" and "nip-slip" and other stuff like that, finding more soft-core videos that could suffice when the internet in general was locked down.

I straight-up found out ways to disable the restrictions. Once I found out my mom's PIN for the controls, I went and disabled them, but changed the PIN so it would look like they were still on, and so that she couldn’t access and re-enable them. (I made it 7399. Spells "sexy". My mind was a mess.)

My parents bought a book called "The Classical Tradition". I'm just learning now as I'm looking it up that it was a Harvard Reference Library book (probably why it was so damn thick) about ancient Greek and Roman culture. I didn't know that. I had realized that sprinkled throughout the book there were pages that were more glossy than the rest, which you could see from the sides of the pages (the book was HUGE). These were the photo paper, which had the classical paintings and sculptures. And because these had nudity (Think "The Birth of Venus" type) I would regularly flip through this book when I needed a "fix". Absurd.

My parents got me an American Girl book that was made to ease worries about the developmental years. The pages on breast development / the anatomy of the vagina were what I looked at the most. When my parents had gotten me the child therapist, there was the logical fear that I might have been molested. The therapist gave me a book where there was a page with two cartoon mice, a boy and a girl. They were wearing swimwear/underwear and the point of that was "anywhere the clothing is covering is somewhere that adults can't touch you without telling.” They might as well have been stick figures, there was NO detail. But since they were in ‘underwear’ I'd always look at that page a lot. Anything barely vaguely sexual.

During this part of my life, I got no real pleasure out of this, I was just obsessed. For the first year I even watched it on mute out of fear of being caught. The lowest point during this period was when I very unfortunately filmed a video of me touching myself. I got nothing out of it and had no intent on ever sending or posting it. I was just emulating what I had been seeing. I deleted it the next day. I was 9 then.

From puberty until now (11-18) is when my sexuality was shaped by it. The addiction was far more controllable, I could spend a couple weeks to a couple months without it, but I'd always come back. Because it was now tied to my body. And while my need for it to be constant was gone, now I had to deal with the tolerance issue.

Over time what I watched became more and more depraved. I had the personal preference of hating anything amateur, because of the low quality, so I managed to avoid anything obviously non-consensual or involving visibly underaged girls, but that doesn't really mean much with the stuff the studios were putting out. During the middle points it got REALLY violent and disturbing. Bordering on torture (extreme kink) and even bodily deformation. As a young woman, I couldn't really tolerate any of the role based Kinks (father-daughter, babysitter, schoolgirl), so more extreme for me meant more extreme acts. Just absolute destruction of women's bodies for the purposes of sex. I moved away from that when tumblr banned porn and I started using reddit for it, and also during that time I was realizing how fucked up of an addiction that this was, even before I found feminism/anti-porn. I actively started trying to quit it, for good. But I always went back.

One big effect is heavy confusion with my sexual orientation. A lot of people face this, but the addition of porn for me really throws things off. Like: Am I bi, and a form of comphet/denial/inexperience keeps me from seeing women in a romantic way? Is it a mix of that and porn? (relatively likely) Or am I just straight, and the porn has completley shaped my mind (likely). 90% of the time I watched solo female content or lesbian content, and could only stand to watch certain specific forms if it included men at all. In real life I find a fair amount of men attractive but their bodies in a sexual sense are tolerable at best, but usually cringe inducing. l've never been attracted to a woman romantically, but exclusively women's bodies are sexual to me. It feels like everything in my brain that I would have been able to use in order to figure myself out has been permanently overwritten with incorrect information. Because of porn.

I've still got it bad. Every once in a while, I’ll read something vaguely sexual, or see a woman in a risque photo, and then the seed is planted. I'll always say "I'm not going to do it, I always feel disgusting after, it’s not even really enjoyable at this point, I can do better than this”. I always give in the end of the night. I'm 7 days off of it. I've been on this earth for 18 years. 12 of those years I've been cripplingly addicted to pornography. Two thirds of my life, and for as long as I can remember. I can never undo it. Just like an alcoholic will always be an alcoholic, only able to achieve remission, I will always be a porn addict. I have to be careful. But I have to hope for the future. And with finding the community that is speaking the truth about this, I'm heartened to do better. To no longer be held down by an addiction to consuming my own oppression.

#thank you for sharing #you’re not alone in this #I’m glad you escaped the addiction! #submission

[mikauzoran]

Lukadrien: Your Hands Hold Home: Chapter Seventeen

@lukadrien-june

Read it on AO3: Your Hands Hold Home: Chapter Seventeen: Broken Families

“Sup, G Flat,” Xavier-Yves greeted as he descended the stairs into the main cabin of the Liberty.

Adrien grimaced but mentally reminded himself to be nice for Luka’s sake.

“Hi, XY. Luka’s actually not here right now. He’s out with the Capitaine, and I don’t think they’ll be back soon,” he informed, hoping that that would be the end of his exposure to the popstar for the day.

XY shrugged, taking a seat on the opposite limb of the L-shaped couch from Adrien.

“That’s okay,” XY assured as he made himself comfortable, spreading out like a starfish and pulling his laptop out of his bag. “You probably don’t know this because you’re still pretty new here, but I have the okay to just kick it here whenever I want.”

Adrien nodded, internally cursing his lot in life. “I see. That’s cool.”

“Yeppers,” Xavier-Yves agreed, barely paying Adrien any mind as he started up his audio editing program.

Adrien set aside the book he’d borrowed from Luka, seeing that he wasn’t going to get any more reading done in XY’s presence.

“How long do you think you’ll hang out?” Adrien inquired, trying to sound interested rather than rude and impatient for Xavier-Yves to leave.

XY shrugged. “I dunno. Maybe a couple hours? Probably until this evening.”

Adrien mentally swore.

“I’m hiding from my dad,” XY added voluntarily.

Adrien frowned. “Why?”

XY clicked his tongue. “He’s trying to set me up with some actress. You know. For publicity and all that.”

Adrien shuddered. “My father made me do that a couple times. I’ve always hated that kind of thing.”

“Dude, I know!” XY exclaimed, looking up from his computer screen. “Sucks, right?!”

Adrien nodded. “I mean, some of the girls were okay, and I may have even been able to like one or two of them in earnest if we’d met more naturally and it had been our decision to date, but…those arrangements are so staged. I always resented them as just one more thing Father was making me do against my will and completely ignoring my wishes about.”

“Tch. Yeah,” Xavier-Yves scoffed. “Trust me. I hear you.”

Just as suddenly as the conversation started, it ended, and XY seemed to go back to his laptop.

Adrien gave his book a sidelong look, debating whether to take it up to the deck to continue reading in peace.

Before he could come to a decision, XY broke back into Adrien’s thoughts.

“…So…you’re bi or what?”

Adrien gave a start. “What?”

“You said you could have liked some of the girls your dad made you date,” XY explained, “but I always thought you had a thing for Luka…so are you bi or in denial or what?”

Adrien stared at his love rival for a moment, trying to determine whether he should be affronted by XY’s abrupt demands for personal information.

Xavier-Yves looked at Adrien expectantly with seemingly no malice or agenda hidden behind his words.

It was then that Adrien remembered what Luka had told him about XY’s penchant for coming across as rude due to his lack of normal socialization—something Adrien could, unfortunately, relate to.

Adrien decided to take XY’s question in good faith and answered, “I think I’m probably bi.”

XY cocked an eyebrow. “What do you mean you think you’re bi? Isn’t that something you just know?”

Adrien shifted uncomfortably under Xavier-Yves’s scrutiny. “I think it’s confusing because the media really only shows men and women ending up with one another, so that’s how I thought it had to be when I was growing up. I didn’t realize guys were actually an option until later, and I’ve mostly just been interested in girls so far. I mean, I can tell if a guy is attractive, but Luka’s the only guy I’ve ever been attracted to in practice, not just in theory.”

XY blinked several times, trying to parse Adrien’s response. “…So…you’re bi?”

“At least as far as Luka’s concerned,” Adrien confirmed with a shrug.

“You make my head hurt,” XY announced. “You’re just thinking about it too much.”

“Maybe,” Adrien chuckled, musing that XY might have accidentally stumbled upon the truth.

Xavier-Yves shook his head. “I’ve always known I was gay. I never even looked at girls as a kid.”

Adrien’s eyes widened. “I-I’m sorry. I always assumed you were bi. Well…after I found out about your feelings for Luka, anyway. Until then, I thought you were straight.”

XY rolled his eyes and waved dismissively. “That’s because my dad says I have to stay in the closet.”

Adrien’s jaw descended several centimeters. “He what?”

XY nodded, setting his laptop aside and angling more towards Adrien. “My dad says that gay doesn’t sell and that all of my fangirls will stop buying my music and coming to concerts if they find out I only like dudes, so I can’t tell anyone I’m gay.”

Adrien blinked dumbly, finding himself wondering if his own father would react similarly if he found out about Adrien being queer. A lot of people in fashion were, so maybe it wouldn’t be a big deal, but…somehow, Adrien got the feeling that Gabriel would probably prefer it if Adrien kept that fact to himself and found a nice female partner.

“…I’m sorry,” Adrien mumbled, suddenly seeing past the annoying, inconvenient aspects of XY to the very real person with problems and feelings and dreams underneath.

XY shrugged. “Is what it is. Just don’t you go tellin’ people.”

“I would never do that,” Adrien was quick to assure.

XY gave a snort as he nodded. “Good.”

“…So…you’re not allowed to date?” Adrien inquired, morbid curiosity getting the best of him.

XY shook his head. “Nah. Dad would flip. It’s okay, though. I’ve never been really into anyone before, so it was, like, whatever.”

Adrien’s eyebrow arched. “What about Luka? You seem pretty into him.”

“Luka’s different,” Xavier-Yves confirmed with a passionate punch to the words. “He’s the one, you know?”

Adrien dropped his gaze, wilting slightly because he knew that fact all too well.

“I’d come out, if he wanted me to,” XY continued. “I don’t know. Luka’s kind of quiet and private, so I don’t know if he’d want to make it all public, but he’d at least want to tell his friends who he was seeing, so it would get out there eventually. I wouldn’t care, though. He’s worth it.”

“You really care about him a lot,” Adrien whispered.

“You bet I do,” XY insisted. “You know how annoying and dumb I am.”

Adrien’s head jerked up at the blatant self-deprecation.

“Not a lot of people like me. A lot of people pretend to because they want something, but they don’t actually like me,” XY snorted.

Adrien suddenly felt a chill at hearing circumstances that so closely echoed his own.

“Luka didn’t like me at first, and he had a good excuse not to, but instead of telling me to get lost when I came to ask him to teach me about loving music, he put up with me,” XY recounted with a soft look of gratitude and affection in his placid blue eyes.

“He was really patient, and he taught me and helped me be a better person. My dad taught me a lot of bad things.” His eyes dropped to the floor as he confessed his past shortcomings. “I didn’t know they were bad until Luka told me so…so I owe him a lot. I’d do anything for him.”

Adrien nodded passively, averting his gaze as he wondered if Luka wouldn’t be better off with XY than himself.

Xavier-Yves could give Luka fortune and industry contacts, and while “Roth” wasn’t the most well-liked surname in Paris, it was worlds ahead of “Agreste” which had become synonymous with “dirt” a month previously when Papillon’s identity had been revealed.

Maybe Adrien should step aside romantically and focus on being a good, supportive friend to Luka.

“I’d do anything for him,” Xavier-Yves repeated solemnly, “…even if that meant bowing out and supporting his happiness with you.”

Adrien’s head jerked up again, and he gaped at XY in disbelief. “What?”

XY shrugged. “The most important thing is that Luka is happy, yeah?”

Adrien nodded, still not understanding. “Yes. Absolutely. But…what does that have to do with me?”

XY shook his head. “You’re important to him. We’re both really important to him. I can’t tell you how many times he’s asked me to try to play nice with you these past few weeks because he wants us both in his life, and he wants us all to get along.”

Adrien’s lips rounded into a small “o”.

XY nodded. “I want him to be happy. Even if you win, I want him to be happy, so I’m gonna try to be friends with you because it’s important to Luka.”

Adrien slowly began to nod. “Okay. I can’t promise I’ll ever really like you much, but I’m going to tolerate you for Luka’s sake. So, let’s make this work, okay?”

“Deal,” XY agreed with a wide grin, holding out his fist to Adrien for a fist bump.

Chuckling, Adrien leaned forward and touched his fist to XY’s.

“…So,” Xavier-Yves remarked after the moment had passed. “Wanna watch a movie or something?”

Adrien shrugged. “Sure. Why not?”

“How good’s your English?” XY asked, grabbing his laptop and opening up his video library.

“Not fluent, but I should be able to watch a movie without subtitles,” Adrien replied, moving to sit next to Xavier-Yves.

XY looked up at Adrien and tipped his head to the side. “You ever heard of Abbott and Costello?”

Adrien frowned, searching his memory banks. “…The comedy duo?”

XY nodded enthusiastically, a wide grin quickly spreading from one cheek to the other. “They’re super dope. You’ll love them. Let’s watch In Society. It’s got one of my favourite routines.”

“All right,” Adrien easily agreed, reasoning that he owed it to Luka and himself to make an effort. “Sounds good.”

 A little over an hour later, Luka returned to find Adrien and Xavier-Yves in a pile on the couch, leaning on one another to keep themselves upright as they chortled, “He’s not dead, Lady! He’s hiding!”

“I see you showed him Abbott and Costello?” Luka remarked, announcing his presence.

XY pushed himself up to grin adoringly at Luka. “Yeah. We were just thinking about watching another. Wanna join us?”

“Sure,” Luka chuckled, coming around to their side of the couch.

Adrien scooted over to make room for Luka between himself and XY.

“After all, it’s not every day that two of my best friends are able to spend time together without wanting to kill one another. We should do something to celebrate,” Luka reasoned.

“We’re not that bad. We just…verbally snipe at each other sometimes,” Adrien giggled, quickly snuggling up to Luka at exactly the same moment XY wrapped his arm around Luka’s shoulders.

“Yeah,” XY seconded. “The only friend of yours I want to kill is that Jacob loser.”

Luka groaned, rolling his eyes.

Adrien lifted his head to look around Luka at Xavier-Yves. “Jacob?”

XY nodded. “That bassist in his band. He’s Luka’s ex.”

Adrien quirked an eyebrow. “We can’t be civil with Luka’s exes?”

XY’s eyes narrowed. “Jacob’s one of the four he slept with.”

“Oh,” Adrien replied flatly, his opinion abruptly changing.

“Yeah. Those ones are dead to me,” Xavier-Yves snorted.

“Can we not talk about my love life?” Luka sighed, tipping his head back to stare up at the ceiling. “It’s really not that interesting. Let’s watch the movie.”

XY clicked his tongue. “I beg to be different. I am super interested in the people you’ve slept with.”

“Prune,” Luka groaned. “Drop it. I’ve been the adult in this household since I was ten. I’m allowed to sleep with whomever my little demi heart loves.”

“Would you sleep with me?” XY wondered curiously.

Luka’s cheeks flushed as he pointedly avoided Xavier-Yves’s gaze. “No comment.”

“Would you sleep with him?” XY pressed, jabbing a finger at Adrien.

Luka choked on air, making a wheezing sound of distress.

“No comment,” he managed with some effort.

“How about a threesome?” Xavier-Yves suggested amicably.

Adrien burst out laughing, snuggling in closer.

“For the love of whatever you hold sacred, start the movie already before I strangle you,” Luka pleaded.

“I could be into that,” XY replied, waggling his eyebrows.

Luka threw his hands up in the air, exclaiming, “Aaaaah!”

This caused Adrien to laugh even harder.

XY joined in.

#Lukadrien #LuXY #Miraculous Ladybug #Adrien Agreste #Luka Couffaine #Xavier-Yves Roth #XY #Love Rivals #Fluff #Slow Burn #Friends to Lovers #Pining #Mutual Pining #Broken Families #Lukadrien June 2021 #Writing Prompts #Mikau's Writings #Your Hands Hold Home

[yandere-daydreams]

Ok so we’ve discussed a Yandere obsessing over psychiatrist darling but what if it was the other way around?? What if a psychiatrist is Yandere for their patient? Like they already know all of their dealings secrets and insecurities and they know all of the correct things to say to gaslight and manipulate them. Not to mention how infuriatingly patient and calm they would be. Idk I just feel like this is an interesting concept and you’d have e some ideas about it

This violates so many ethical codes, but I don’t think rules are what I’m most worried about getting violated, right now. The environment is just so sterile, and everything always feels so alien... it’s hard to resist wanting to exploit such a professional relationship.

TW: Abuse of Proffessional Power, Non-Consensual Drug Use, Heavy Themes of Stalking, and Implied Kidnapping. 

~

He said you were too stressed, the first time you met him.

You’d had other therapists before, therapists with more qualifications and experience and successfully departed clients, but there was something about him you liked. It could’ve been that smile, warm but never over-done, or how little he depended on your file, but you just… trusted him, genuinely trusted him. It was like you’d met him before, like you saw him somewhere you liked and automatically associated him with that feeling of homey bliss. The candles littered across his desk didn’t hurt, filling the room with such a sweet smoke, and the snacks were nice, too. He always seemed to have your favorites on-hand.

You gutted yourself as soon as he gave you permission to do so, telling him about your latest period of paranoia. You said it felt like someone had been following you, recently, and that you never really thought of yourself as ‘alone’ anymore. You told him your last therapist was no help, she was always so cold and distant and critical, you couldn’t stand to be in the same room as her, towards the end. He smiled, nodded, wrote something down and asked if you could work from home.

You could. He said that less exposure to ‘overwhelming stimuli’ would help you regain the sense of individuality you needed. You weren’t sure what he meant, but you agreed, checked if his candles were scented, and asked if a bi-weekly schedule would work for him

He gave you something to help you sleep, on your third appointment.

You’d been keeping to yourself more, with his insistence, but that made you restless, jittery, insomniatic. You’d gotten into the habit of staying up, waking in the middle of the night, making excuses to delay finally closing your eyes until you couldn’t keep them open, any longer. Your paranoia hadn’t improved, either. You still felt stifled, contained, watched and examined wherever you went. It wasn’t bad, most of the time, but it was always there. You wondered aloud if it was possible that there was a camera in your apartment you didn’t know about, something the last tenant had left and neglected to mention. He politely shot that idea down, of course.

It was an excuse, he said, in a way that managed to make the accusation sound less accusatory than it should’ve. It happened all the time. People would begin feeling guilty, for whatever reason, then they’d start to imagine a plight to debilitate themselves with. An illness, an enemy, or in your case, a stalker. He mused that taking time for yourself had exaggerated this, and advised you to ignore it. You brought up your issue sleeping again, and he wrote you a prescription.

He chuckled, under his breath, then winked playfully. He said an earthquake wouldn’t be able to wake you up, as long as you took two capsules every day. He gave you one of his candles, unburnt but not unopened, and told you to try burning it if you couldn’t seem to relax. You accepted it gladly.

He noticed you hadn’t been biting your nails, by the sixth time he saw you.

It was a nervous tick, something you’d picked up from an unknown source and carried with for too long to keep track. While your sleeping habits had improved, you’d begun to feel sluggish, constantly in a state between awareness and paralysis. You didn’t feel the need to check your locks before bed, anymore, and it was hard to rationalize why you should look into the strange noises that always seemed to come from the other side of a closed door. ‘Apathy’ wasn’t a fitting term, but you couldn’t say your devotion to your anxiety was anything remarkable, either. You used to pace and pull at your own hair whenever something was out of place, but now, it was hard to do so much as worry about the missing items in your closet, or fret just because a strange man spent an hour or two standing outside your building.

That was the first time he touched you. He asked to see your hands, and without thinking, you complied. You couldn’t remember his smile ever being so bright, not before he was looking over your healed cuticles and regrown nails, but the moment ended too quickly for you to be sure. His professionalism never wavered, not as he told you how proud he was of your progress or how wonderful getting to see you so often was. He said something else, too, but you couldn’t seem to process it. Remembering things had been difficult since you’d started taking that medication, but a constant haze was a small price to pay for how minor everything was beginning to seem.

He was more enthusiastic than he usually was, for the rest of that appointment, the topic of conversation quickly straying from your fears and anxieties. He asked about your personal life, unprompted, and you couldn’t find a problem with spilling every little detail you could think of. You couldn’t find a problem with a lot of things, these days.

He said he’d suggested home visits, during your tenth appointment.

He promised you’d given him your address, that you’d eagerly taken up his offer when he hinted at having your little meetings in a more intimate setting. You didn’t remember that, but you hardly remembered anything from your tenth appointment, or your ninth or your eight or the past month. You mumbled something about your sight being blurry, about not being able to feel your legs, and he nodded. He was still smiling, but it didn’t seem professional, anymore.

You were the one to blame the pills, this time. What kind of therapist would want to make house-calls, much less make them so late? He confirmed your suspicions seamlessly, sitting on the edge of your bed as you fought to stay conscious and told him about how hard doing anything had gotten, how exhausted you were all the time. He mentioned your stalker, and you said you didn’t know what he was talking about. He brought up names of family and friends, and you struggled to recall the last time you’d spoken with them. You’d started to cry, sometime during your appointment, but he was so nice, wiping away your tears and offering to take you in for personal counseling. He listed off the benefits it’d entail, but you were convinced in a matter of seconds. He was just so understanding, so kind, so…

So familiar.

You nodded, and he grinned, telling you not to keep yourself awake any longer. He said he’d take care of everything. You knew he’d take care of everything.

You slept better than you had in weeks, that night.

#yandere #yandere love #yandere x you #yandere x reader #yandere prompt #yandere imagines #yandere scenerio #yandere oneshot #yandere drabble #yandere scenarios #yandere imagine #yandere drabbles #yandere prompts #yandere oc #yandere oc x reader #oc x reader #yandere ocs #ocs x reader #yandere ocs x reader #yandere headcanons #yandere headcannons #yandere core #yanderecore

[thechangeling]

So I have problems with CC but considering when the book in question was written, I’m not actually surprised at the comments you’re referring to. No matter how far we have to go in terms of LGBTQ+ rights, we’ve come very far in the short time since these books were first published.

Alec grew up in an environment where the only reason people got married was to have children in order to provide more soldiers to fight demons, essentially. If you loved who you were married to, then good for you, but it certainly wasn’t something that was a requirement. And he wouldn’t have had any real exposure to other points of view. Also, let’s not forget, he was also a teenager. A very smart and capable teenager, but still, a teenager. And growing up in an environment like that can make it very hard to shake of ideas you’re raised with, even subconsciously. My mother is Irish Catholic, and I was raised very sheltered, with little exposure to any differing world views. And this was in Upstate NY for reference, so small towns, and small minds for the most part. The first time I realized that you could date someone of the same gender, because my mother introduced me to a work friend of hers who was a lesbian, she later told me that you could hate the sin and love the sinner.

So when I started questioning how you could tell you were gay or bi, because I had started looking at other girls, I was asked if I was attracted to them, at 12, when I wasn’t capable of the kind of attraction my mother was referring to. So when I said no, she said that meant that I was straight. So I went on believing that any attention that I paid other girls in anything other than a sisterly manner was wrong, and that there was something wrong with me. Meanwhile my two closest friends were both girls who were also raised in very religious families, so no one that my mother would object to; my father didn’t particularly care as long as I wasn’t dating anyone at all. So I did everything I was supposed to, I had a non-serious boyfriend, which didn’t last very long, I was an altar server and part of the church choir, not because I had to be, but because if I threw myself into the Church, maybe I would be fixed. I even very briefly, considered becoming a nun. Then when I started figuring out that I was pan, I was still under the belief that I would ignore half of who I was, and meet a boy, marry him, and have children, nevermind that I have never actually wanted children, because it was what a good girl was supposed to do. Thank god or insert whatever deity you believe in here, for books. Because books let me learn about the things that I wasn’t being taught, and let me figure out who I actually was. And I’m still trying to figure myself out, because I never had a chance to grow up properly the way I was raised.

So I can completely understand where Alec is coming from. The comments he made were ignorant, but not made out of any malice. It can be hard to break free of how you are raised, and a lot of that shows up subconsciously no matter what you might be thinking and doing consciously. I can’t tell you how many times I have said something without thinking or intending any harm, only to find out later that what I said was wrong, and have needed to apologize for it. I don’t really think the comments that Alec made were necessarily biphobic so much as him still dealing with self-hate and projecting it onto Magnus.

Sorry this took me so long to respond I was busy.

It's interesting how all of the queer people I've talked to who praise CC's queer rep are people who have backgrounds like yours. People who had difficult, oppressive backgrounds and families who weren't supportive of them. I think maybe this is something that I should start taking into consideration. Because I've gotten into so many fights with people who are honestly just trying to grasp onto something tangible after so much crap. And for me to attack them for it is actually pretty unfair.

I grew up extremely privileged in the sense that I grew up in a family of socialists who are also activists and very progressive people. My mom and dad and also step dad have been supporting queer rights since before I was born. My privilege has definitely affected me. I get that.

I tend to be more ambitious with queer liberation then most people because that's what I was raised to do. I was raised to be unapologetic and aggressive and demand respect. So that's what I do. I think many of you want to praise CC for doing the bare minimum and it makes me angry. But I've come to realize that it's because you were denied the bare minimum for so long. And that's really really sad.

But I get it in some ways. Because that's how I am with Ty. So many people were saying that they thought Ty was bare minimum and pretty stereotypical for an autistic character and it made me furious. Because Ty saved me. I personally connected with him a lot and despite his flaws, I adore him. And I was so mad that other people couldn't understand that. But I've been through a lot of trauma and oppression because of being autistic, so I'm sort of still in bare minimum mode right now. But I'm growing and evolving as I get older. But I think deep down I'll always love Ty no matter what.

And I think that's the way some people are with CC's queer rep. I personally also love a lot of her queer characters like obviously Kit and Ty, plus Magnus, Alec, Mark, Kieran, Helen, and Aline just to name my favorites. I would also sell my soul to the black market for Alastair Carstairs and his happiness. But I see the difference in their writing vs. the writing of queer characters written by queer people.

Reading books like A Line in the Dark and Red White and Royal Blue really sets it apart for me. I relate to the authenticity of the writing. When Alex says "straight people probably don't spend this much time convincing themselves that they're straight" it's real and raw and just...!!!!!!!! You know? I highly reccomend reading queer books by queer people to get the representation that you're looking for. But CC's characters do have their charm.

Anyways, I get you. But it just bugs me to see people calling her "the queen of representation" or whatever.

#mutuals #asks #anti cc #queer rep #tsc #red white and royal blue #a line in the dark