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fists-on-up · 3 months

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I started this blog when Twitter looked like it was going down so I could keep up with my gaylor friends. Most of them are still on Twitter, but as a writer I am a wordy motherfucker & I hate character limits. So, rather than let this blog lay dormant I am going to use it for more personal gaylor related things & more abstract/complex perspectives.

I might as well start by explaining how I stumbled upon the gaylor community because I feel like my journey here was much different than most.

I am a little older than Taylor & have mostly listed to rock & EDM my whole life. I don't hate pop, but I don't really seek it out & I don't care much about trends or pop culture. I had heard the most popular Taylor Swift songs in passing. I didn't hate Taylor at all, I just never looked further into her music.

I do vaguely remember feeling like YBWM sounded very much like being in love with your high school best friend who doesn't consider you an option because you're a girl, and as a Shakespeare obsessed lesbian Love Story pinged the ol' gaydar because forbidden love is way more common for queer people. It's not impossible, though, for a girl's family to not approve of a particular boy so I chalked it up to a specific situation she faced coupled with me viewing lyrics through my own (very gay) experiences. Especially given the fact that Romeo & Juliet tends to be referenced often based upon a very surface-level understanding of the story.

These thoughts did stick with me subconsciously, as it turns out. One day I was listening to a Spotify generated playlist I was really digging and Don't Blame Me came on while I was in the shower. I thought "Wow, this is a very sexy, Sapphic song who the hell is this??" I checked when I got out of the shower & was so confused. I LOVED it and listened to it frequently, but it still hadn't clicked completely.

Then I heard only the bridge to Cruel Summer in a TikTok & said "Oh my God, she's gay!" I immediately recognized how painful & difficult it is to play the part of "friends" in public and the sense of doom that comes with realizing you're in love with a girl while closeted. If you've never had that experience, I envy you. How we treat people we're in love with isn't really planned out, it's automatic. Trying to catch that & substitute "friendly" behavior when you don't even know HOW to be her friend is very hard. It's hard to not feel insecure when the woman you love treats you like a friend, too. It's hard to hide the love and the pain if you wear your heart on your sleeve. In short, it's torture. A unique torture you can only really describe or recognize if you've experienced it. I have, and immediately knew Taylor had too.

As soon as this clicked I immediately devoured her entire discography over & over again. For days it was all I did, starting before I got out of bed and ending when I fell asleep with a notepad on my bed listening to evermore (again). I was 100% certain she is queer before I ever Googled "Taylor Swift gay?". I didn't even know there was lore or a community at first.

I didn't just recognize her queerness because I'm queer, however. I recognized it because I'm a writer. Not by profession. By passion, I suppose. And what really made it clear was what Taylor doesn't say.

I realized I was gay when I was 14 years old and when I did I wasn't scared, I was excited. I had come to the conclusion that the entire world was just... faking it. Girls would kiss boys & go on & on about it, almost every song, movie, & book was about love, and I just couldn't relate. I had kissed more than a few boys, but I seriously did not understand. I would pretend to fit in, but it was not at all appealing to me.

Then a friend stayed the night & kissed me. A friend that I wasn't consciously attracted to at all, and yet - fireworks. Suddenly I realized that people weren't exaggerating or lying about attraction & love. I realized that the concept of attraction wasn't merely recognizing that a boy was conventionally attractive, it was attraction like two magnets pulled together. Like gravity. I wasn't broken, the world wasn't a lie, and I was fucking ecstatic about it.

But then I told some close friends and most of them immediately stopped talking to me. Some became hostile. This was around 1999-2000 in Small Town, Texas where there were no out queer people. Looking back I understand that it was just a matter of kids being ignorant and uneducated and, well, kids but at the time it was confusing. I tried to backpedal and told the friends who stayed that I was bisexual. I even tried to be bisexual (spoiler: I am not). The excitement I initially felt quickly turned to fear & I chose to hide it from anyone else.

To cope with the constant overflow of my newly-activated heart and the isolation of having no one who understands, I poured myself into poetry. I started reading Shakespeare at 11 and had read most classical works by the same age. By 14 I had multiple poems published in collections, had read every work of Shakespeare & Poe, and had memorized the Chorus to Romeo & Juliet. Using poetry to cope was kind of my brand. So cope I did.

I wrote thousands of poems. I filled binders & spirals & journals. I was always writing. Most people knew I was published young & knew I was writing like crazy, so it wasn't uncommon for other kids to read what I was working on. Sometimes they'd commission a poem from me.

The fear of anyone finding out (including my parents) meant that I had to be very, very careful with how I worded things. No she/her pronouns. Nothing that would give me away. The occasional red herring. I would be specific enough that the muse would know it was about her, but no one else would.

I almost always wrote to the muse, using "you" more than anything. Poetry is like a love letter, so it comes naturally, but it also prevented the need for gendered pronouns. I wrote that way so much I still default to it now (and I have a hard time NOT pouring my heart out to anyone I care about). I didn't realize it at the time, but my writing was inherently queer coded despite my efforts to conceal it because, well, I'm queer. Sound familiar?

There are simply some things that are upside down when you're queer & you don't even recognize it because you've never NOT been queer. Things you say straight girls wouldn't. Things you don't say that straight girls would. Straight people don't see it because they've never NOT been straight. Hell, queer men won't recognize Sapphic language because they've never been attracted to a woman OR been a woman.

There are subtle, inherent tells separate from intentional tells or flags. I didn't realize that, and neither did the kids (or adults) who read my work semi-regularly.

One day my close friend borrowed my poetry journal to catch up on what I had written. This was an especially vulnerable journal, but it was just as obfuscated as everything else. I thought nothing of it and went about my day.

Hours later, during lunch, I was outside probably bumming a cigarette off of an equally punkass kid or smoking a bit of weed from a pipe crafted out of a soda can when I heard a girl shouting my name. I left the hidden corner and walked to the main area to see a girl I didn't know walking around, calling my name loudly over and over. I called back to her, confused but glad it wasn't a teacher busting me smoking.

When we were finally face to face she confirmed that I am in fact me & I realized that she was holding my journal. She pulled me to a more secluded area, looked me in my eyes, and said "these are about girls, right?"

Fuck.

Shit.

Fuck shit.

I was a sophomore. 15 years old. She was a senior. A beautiful black girl named Lovely who I only knew of because it was a small school. And here she was just... straight up asking me. No one had ever asked me before. I had never had to answer this question before. I was caught off guard & wholly unprepared for this.

The closet is an awful place when you hate lying.

So, I didn't lie. For some reason I looked right into this girl's eyes and reluctantly, fearfully, said "Yes." Then I held my breath.

But she didn't laugh at me, didn't call me a dyke, didn't preach at me. She just... fucking cried.

This lovely girl named Lovely completely broke down in front of me, a complete stranger, and I did not realize what was happening.

Turns out Lovely wasn't just lovely, she was queer. And scared. And so, so lonely. She thought she was the only one, until she heard what my poetry didn't say. She recognized the inherent queerness in my writing because she identified with it and immediately came to find me.

I consider that conversation to be one of the most pivotal, defining interactions of my life. The entire time I thought I was alone & Lovely was there. Lovely thought she was alone & I was there, and I suddenly realized coming out wasn't really about me. It wasn't about the friends and family who would reject me. It was also about being visible. Being brave. Being proud. It was about the other queer kids who thought they were the only one. The other kids who couldn't come out. With this realization, from this conversation, I found purpose.

The very next day, Lovely came to school in baggy jeans and a basketball jersey - a huge departure from the very feminine presentation she always had. We never talked about it again, just exchanged fond smiles and nods in the hallway, but she came out to some extent. I came out within a week of our conversation, and I made a conscious decision that I was going to be loud about it.

My mom was great when I came out & I knew she'd have my back. Before the word "privilege" was commonplace, I at least understood that my supportive mom gave me an advantage others didn't have. I felt like I had not only the ability but the responsibility to be visible and unapologetic.

I was a rebellious little shit. I would make out with girls in the hallway. I lined the inside of my locker with Playboy pictures. I wrote "gay" on my forehead in hot pink lipstick when I got sick of being asked if I was "fully gay".

As a result, the varsity quarterback would call me in tears to talk through his struggles with his sexuality. I knew the most popular boys all of the girls wanted were actually very in love with each other. Girls who would laugh along with their friends who called me a dyke would hook their fingers into mine when they passed me in the hallway & pull me into dark rooms at parties when no one was looking.

I became the keeper of secrets. Society makes queer people lie & uses the guilt of that "deception" to keep people closeted. We lie to ourselves, then to everyone else, then to all but a few trusted people, then even when we're out we lie on behalf of others. I still hold secrets, even for those who don't "deserve" my loyalty. It's part of it, like an unspoken code. Closeting is lying, whether we like that or not. But lying is morally neutral. Intent & impact matter.

That time of my life was hard. Teachers would treat me differently. One flat out told me I would go to hell in front of the class. Another refused to intervene when my girlfriend was physically attacked by another girl who was pissed about her dating me. The school tried, for a time, to force me to use the boys locker room so other girls wouldn't feel uncomfortable. The school tried to ban me from taking a girl to prom (even though I was taking a friend, my girlfriend's family wouldn't allow her to go with me). A group of boys chanted "1, 2, 3, 4, death to the lesbian whore" when I got to school every morning. I got in a lot of fist fights. Mostly with that group of boys. Someone broke into my locker and wrote "dyke" all over & inside of my text books in huge magic marker. I remember telling one of my teachers I couldn't read part of an assignment because of it & trying not to cry. I was preached at constantly by kids & a few teachers who saw me as an opportunity to "save a soul". I have a lot of stories.

But you know what? I got the teacher that told me I would go to hell fired. I fought back when they tried to make me use the boys locker room. When they tried to ban me from prom, I printed hundreds of pages of court rulings from cases in which schools tried to do that to other gay kids, stormed into the principal's office, dropped it on her desk and threatened her. I went to prom with my friend. And after I had graduated, my high school girlfriend (who was a grade below me) finally got to take me to hers. A gay boy I'd never met won prom king and he thanked me for it. I didn't even know him, but he knew me. I won every single fist fight. I didn't cry about the slurs written in my books in front of people & I protested when they washed it off of the front of my locker. I wanted it to be the dyke locker. I took everything they gave me with a smile & asked for more, because it showed other kids it was possible. I made myself a lightning rod for hate on purpose, because then the "less problematic" queer kids were seen in a better light. It protected them. It also made sure they knew I was there. And they came to me & I did my best to help. I chased girls & have so many stories about drunken hookups and falling in love. Wild nights & happy days.

Don't get me wrong, I fucked up plenty too. I certainly wasn't a hero, and I put myself in very real danger multiple times. There were a lot of failures & mistakes. There was a lot of pain. But it was absolutely, positively fucking worth it. Despite it all I look back on that time fondly & I'd do it all again in a heartbeat. And I'd do it the same.

That time of my life shaped who I am in every way. I'm still that punkass kid (even though I'm pushing 40 now). Still a fighter who doesn't care how much pain I endure if I'm doing the right thing. And I never would have become that person if a girl named Lovely hadn't picked up on the queer themes in my writing that I wasn't even intentionally adding. So for me, it's kind of serendipitous that the very thing that led me to becoming everything I am today is the thing that I saw & heard in Taylor. That led me to so much beautiful art, beautiful love stories, and beautiful people in the gaylor community that is so, so dear to me now.

It takes one to know one, but sometimes knowing one puts you on the path to knowing yourself.

#gaylor #gaylor swift #taylor swift

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clfixationstation · 4 months

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ships that make me go absolutely insane

Ranked from most insane to least

EREMIN (AoT: Eren x Armin)

the entire time I'm watching them my brain is "they're just like me fr" they make me feel as if I'm tearing apart. Oh the shared dream, the ruin, the raw honesty cutting through layers of deception, the way they end - it's too much. I saw myself so much in their dynamic something about queer childhood friends to lovers. something about living in that in-between...also aspec Eren real. You have NO IDEA how much analysis I've written about them. The slow corruption of their shared dream, the way Armin knew Eren best, the way Eren looks at Armin :( "And in the corner of your eye / I saw a dream that never died" - Aurora

Catradora (SPoP: Catra x Adora)

First canon queer ship I watched <3 both healing and painful at the same time, it tapped into something deep I had forgotten long ago. The sort of relationship where you're really close but there's a gap you both feel and won't address for fear of your own feelings and about losing each other (both eremin & catradora) but then they're able to actually close it!! To see each other as they are! Do you understand how much hope that offers?! To be seen and be told your fate is not tragic? I have also written so much analysis about them. "You're the only friend I need / Sharing beds like little kids / And laughing 'til our ribs get tough / But that will never be enough" - Lorde

Cassunzel (TTS: Cass x Rapunzel)

*gasp* a ship that isn't queer childhood besties to lovers? But bro the YEARNING. Oh it hurts so bad. Also the aesthetic is simply divine. I'm ranking it here because it was very impactful for me some years ago, though I'm not into it enough right now to deliver a thorough explanation. Also I'm pretty sure Cass is a canon lesbian? Massive W. idk, something about shipping noncanon queer ships that gets me. "I'm sick of the sun / Can't trust anyone" - Poppy

Nuts n Dolts (RWBY: Penny x Ruby)

Idk they just cared for each other so tenderly and then Penny died twice and Ruby couldn't save her either time. Ow ow ow. THE doomed yuri. I love to hc both of them as aspec, & both are very neurodivergent-coded (because that is what I am). I'm drawn to the comfort, security, warmth, and the angst. There's also just something very bright in their relationship that draws me in, similarly to eremin. seeing each other in such a golden light while resenting themselves perhaps? the way they look at each other & hold each other so dear? "A chance to share the world / To be a girl who finally felt alive" - Friend, RWBY

Bumbleby (RWBY: Blake x Yang)

Holy shit the yearning! Blake abandoning Yang AND THEN COMING BACK AND STAYING. Protecting each other :') Healing together. It's just so sweet and powerful I can't help but adore it. I remember watching the first 2 seasons when I was little before I knew gay people existed, and shipping them even then. ngl I really want to go rewatch earlier seasons through a sapphic angst/yearning lens. "I made a vow, I'm not alone / Not dying now, we're protecting our own" - Nevermore, RWBY

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little-amb · 8 months

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Meet Tetra (she/her), fourth generation android prototype, and a respected rebel leader.

"You lot designed her to care about people in need, didn't you? It seems you really might've doomed yourselves with that."

She's a character I made back in 2016 and a catalyst for a story I subsequently created with my spouse. It's centered around a joint android-human rebellion against the ruthless people in power, though the story covers many more topics, including sapphic love, familial struggles and finding one's identity to name a few. The story and its characters are very dear to me, and I've recently rediscovered my love for them, so hey, why not make some art! I have an accompanying ref sheet of her love interest & work partner, Nal, which I will post next!

#artist on tumblr #digital art #character design #original character #robot oc

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starrylayle · 7 days

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been thinking abt how the marauders era relationships would pan out in every universe and here are my thoughts!!

Wolfstar — lowkey controversial but I don’t think they’re soulmates — they’re more, kinda-wrong person, right time. I think they’d only end up together when things go to shit. Which is part of why I love them so much and why I love them in the canon universe. James and Lily are dead, Peter is a traitor, remus is unemployed and sirius….poor sirius. So yeah, They’re just two fucked up lads trying their best to love despite the world being against them. In universes where they don’t fall in love, can imagine they think the other’s a little off-putting or perhaps no really strong emotions. I think that’s why their connection in the canon universe is so special to me, because I just don’t think they’re relationship would be as prominent if circumstances were different (in other universes).

Prongsfoot — they’re literally soulmates. In every fucking universe. Sometimes, it’s platonic (tho never strictly), sometimes, romantic, sometimes an intense sexual bond as enemies?? Either way they’re always a little bit in love with each other. I do hc James as straight in the canon universe but yeah they definitely made out. And in other universes where James is queer they’re having the time of their lives. Anyways so yeah. Soulmates in every universe.

Jily — Love Jily! I see them as a first love situation. Some universes (like the main one) their love becomes immortalised. However, in others, maybe they move on and find other people, but since they were each other’s first love they always have a special place in their heart for each other <33

Jegulus — …………………………………………………………..

Prongstail — always doomed in the long run. Kinda childhood friends to lovers to ……. . A bit of unrequitedness because I don’t think James could ever love Peter enough. And in every universe Peter always has an inferiority complex and bottled resentment. They’re relationship rarely ends well.

Snily — ooh this is an interesting one. Similar to prongsfoot, I think they’re also a kind of doomed childhood-friend-to-lovers. Except I think that in the universes where Sev does not end being a bigot, they could probably date for a bit. They wouldn’t last tho and would remain as friends. In one universe Lily is an out and proud Lesbian and Sev is a closeted t-girl and they date for a bit but eventually decide to become friends (Lily still supports transfem!Sev in her transition tho). Canon universe tho,,, Sev had a crush on her and maybe Lily did too, but fifth year and James lol.

Nobleflower — ooooh love me some sapphic friends-to-star-crossed-lovers! I feel like in every universe they’d be on opposing sides, depending on circumstance.

Marylene — Friends to lovers, right person wrong time in the canon universe, but in other universes they’re thriving. They still would have had some sort of codependent, homoerotic friendship leading up to it lmaoo.

Dorlene — I like to think they’re always rivals in some context. Sometimes it leads to a fiery relationship, and sometimes it’s just aggressive sexual tension while they’re on opposing fields.

Jeverus — oooh people hate this but. Toxic rivals/enemies to lovers. Sometimes it works out, most of the time it doesn’t. The hate they hold for each is very strong but so is the sex

anyways this was fun!! Lemme know what u guys agree/disagree with! Maybe I’ll do a part 2 lol.

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fearnesbells · 1 month

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I know you posted about wanting Imodna headcanons yesterday but here’s mine a day late. My head canon is that Imogen had been too bogged down with sapphic longing and doubt before she and Laudna became a couple and since then it’s been ~moon shit~ so she hadn’t really thought about children until that dream talk with Lilliana. So I imagine that her response was her being like “You know what yeah I do kinda want a family with the woman I love are you going to kill me so none of it gets to happen?”

ooooh interesting!! that’s very very sweet and i hope it’s true. juicy juicy headcanon. delicious.

i think for me, rather pessimistically, i believe that imogen is trying ANYTHING to get liliana to stay, to leave ludinus and the vanguard behind.

everything that liliana says, imogen has an answer for. she wants her mama to come back to her so badly. when she hears liliana say “when you have a child of your own, you’ll understand”(which, by the way, liliana, look at you go resolving that cognitive dissonance. your child just doesn’t understand, that’s why she wants you to come home. not because you’re encouraging the slaughter of thousands and dooming yourself. surely not) she searches for an angle, a way to make this thing that is important for her mother important enough for her to stay, and she says “are you willing to keep that child from being born?”

i don’t know if she even had the higher order thinking available to her in that moment to consider the wider implications of that statement—a family with laudna—but i certainly certainly agree with you that even subconsciously, that’s something she’s starting to want for herself. i just think that in this situation, it’s not so much a conscious effort as it is “please, mama, please, mama, please—what can i say to get you to leave?”

that’s my headcanon. yours, however, is a Very juicy one and i will be thinking about it all day.

if you enjoy imodna family feels, shameless imodna family fic plug here!

#critical role #imodna #imogen temult #liliana temult #imogen x laudna #laudna #cr laudna #campaign 3 #bells hells #the coven of c3 #jackie loves the lesbian witches #GODDD laura bailey is such a genius #jackie loves laura bailey #new tag because it’s def gonna come up again #ask jackie

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dadjoke-ness · 10 months

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HELLO

ARE YOU A MOROSEXUAL?

DO YOU FIND IDIOTS WONDERFUL?

Then watch My Next Life as a Villainess: All Routes Lead to Doom! The main character Catarina? She's SO stupid I love her.

Literally all her friends are madly in love with her and literally tell her repeatedly and she's like "ah yes, a normal friendship thing". Even as her lesbian bestie is planning the "move in together in a cottage by the sea, renouncing our noble roots and becoming sapphic farmers".

ALSO her other bestie is strongly implied to have died in the "real" world to come join her in the Otome game, like on purpose figured out her game had changed after her bestie died and therefore went to the effort of being reborn herself into the game just to be with her forever.

And then winning the romance route in the Otome and being like "huh this is normally the romantic ending" and being told by the player character "I LOVE YOU" and still thinking it's a friend thing and she can't really mean it like romance even though it really do be like that? Yea.

The true good ending is very large polycule where they need like ten king sized mattresses pushed together.

#anime reco #my next life as a villianess all routes lead to doom #hamefura #catarina claes #katarina claes

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the-writing-mobster · 4 months

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were there any fic ideas you never ended up writing that you regret not doing?

also, do you have any other undertale ships? {:

Ah! Thank you for the ask dear heart! Let's see...

Of course I have fics that are still deep in my drafts, and I also have a few unfinished fics currently published ON Ao3.

I don't really regret not publishing certain fics because it's not really a matter of if more than it is a matter of when. A few of these old ideas just need way more fleshing out and just aren't ready for the limelight.

And that "not if but when" mindset is carried over to my unfinished fics as well, like Baby Face and YWIW.

They'll eventually be completed. (Although tbh, I'm not so sure about ywiw now, may have to go and really take a good long look at that one and the goals I want to achieve with it. For YWIW, I guess I regret some of the choices I made with Frisk's character arc. Like I accidentally walked back on things that I shouldn't have. Sequels are hard, y'all.)

—

Now for my other UT ships? Hmmmm...

I'm gonna come out the gate swinging and say that I, first and foremost do not ship Asgore and Toriel. I think their dynamic is more interesting as a divorced couple. Boom. That'll stir the pot some.

(I have a lot of weird UT ships tbh)

Now, moving on to what I actually ship:

Asriel x Papyrus / Papsriel / Boneblossom

This stems more from how I wrote their dynamic in wdyw part 4 + ywiw. See, when Frisk and Sans are off doing hard main character work, Papyrus and Asriel were alone together a lot, working through both of their collective daddy issues together (their fathers were big ole villains and they were consoling each other about their relationships with their fathers, it was actually very sweet) Ergo, I began to ship.

But also, if you look at the game, there are instances of Asriel and Papyrus befriending, and Asriel manipulating him, or growing fond of Papyrus in his own way as Flowey. Yeah there's the problem of "well technically Asriel is a child!" Which like... Okay, he's also dead and immortal at the same time. In wdyw he died at an older age so... 🤷🏻‍♀️ It depends on where you take the story. I could also just ship them platonically. So yeah!

Undyne x Alphys / Alphyne

This one is obvious. They're canon. They're beautiful. I love gay people. I love lesbians. I am a gay people. I am a lesbian. I love them.

Also, low-key, I also just like to explore more of their dynamic than just lovey dovey sapphic stuff. The highs and the lows. And they're perfect to do that with.

Nick x Sans / Nicecream Guy x Sans

This one is unorthodox, but it's because of Baby Face. They're so gay in that fic like it's unbelievable. If not Sans, then definitely Nick. Like they've definitely explored each other's bodies at least once.

Also in wdyw, they have a more complex, complicated friendship since they're more like long lost friends, and the whole "you betrayed our ideals by joining Asgore's military" and Nick "you joined a rebellion that will never win, you've doomed yourself to martyrdom." Sans saving Nick from prison & the purge, ugh, they're so complex, I love em!

Nick is definitely gay. I know we were pushing for Alick but honestly... That boy is gay. And I really believe that. I think the only better pairing for him would be Napstablook, or... And I guess I'll concede to years of shipping before me... Burgerpants/Bryan. Because Bryan has that like, newly joined rebellion, starry eyes, just found out his crush was brutally murdered by one of Muffet's assassins, etc, and then there's Nick, shining hero of the revolution. I think it could work really well.

Muffet x Toriel / Muffriel / Spiderscotch

Bro even the name screams lesbian, wtf? This is like Everlark's alternative ship name being peenis.

BRO THEY LIVE IN THE RUINS TOGETHER, MUFFET SET UP SHOP IN THE RUINS. TORIEL BAKES PIES AND MUFFET BAKES FUCKED UP SPIDER DONUTS. THEY'RE A MATCH MADE IN HEAVEN. (And I'm purely talking about classic, but who's to say that wdyw Muffet wasn't sneaking into the queen's chambers after killing her own husband and poisoning Toriel's daughter right under her nose? UGH THE DRAMA!!!!)

Ugh, I love my gay ships.

Anyway, Toriel is the sweet, albeit very flawed, old money, cottage core wife, and Muffet is the manipulative, borderline Machiavellian, macabre, new money, goth wife and they're PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER. I've never been more serious in my life.

Anyway, those are my UT ships that are not Frans. Don't come for me, I know they're unconventional (except for Alphyne) but I love them each dearly.

Old pencil drawing I did:

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lapinlunairegames · 1 month

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tag people you’d like to get to know better

tagged by @lifesupreme-if and @magiciansvoyage !

last song: CROW (カラス) by UPIKO (うぴ子) (though I will take this space to recommend Caesar on a TV Screen (Ides of March Version) by The Last Dinner Party! Fun fact: the font they use in the video is the same one I use for headings in Elsinore: After Hamlet! IM Fell English ftw)

currently watching: Detective Anna season 2! The 1890s Russian medium detective soap is extremely bingeable and I'm furious at Viktor Ivanovich and the fact that they gave all the women extremely modern-styled contours in this season. (Arlo the trailer for The Prince is making me FROTH AT THE MOUTH i am going to watch it as soon as I can, very much up my alley!!!! thank you thank you thank you for sharing)

three ships (in no particular order):

Florence Vassy x Svetlana Sergievsky, aka Queens: ships in the night, women from different worlds, disdain for the other's, shared suffering both imposed and of their own making.

The Evergiven - yes, yes, i hear you crying out for the Suez Canal. I hear you. I occasionally agree. What a beaut. My creative brand stems, at its heart, from recognising Shakespeare's hand in today's world. How could I not adore the Evergiven, doomed to a taste of love that destroys its own success? Every shipping journey in service of a greater happiness, at the price of never knowing an absoluted union again. Such a taste of suffering, as sugar atop two-day shipping.

Joesme - finding each other in every life. loving one another knowing that the tale is already written and that it does not end as happily as they would want for each other. Making that choice every time because the ecstasy is worth the agony. Francesca by Hozier. the occasional sprinkle of divine abstinence versus mortal hunger. what the mouth speaks against what the hand does.

favorite color: ice blue / wine-dark sea

currently consuming: London fog

first ship: honestly no idea, probably something from a magical girl show or a ballet lol

place of birth: a courtyard in the east of the celestial palace, west of the peach tree of immortality. I moved to the moon shortly before I started making IF

current location: Full disclosure I have been slowly filling this out over the course of like two and a half weeks lmao, but at the moment I started this draft: very brightly lit airport terminal

relationship status: depending on who you ask, either in a committed and questionably toxic sapphic relationship, a nontoxic one, or in a secret polycule

last movie: dune (part one)

currently working on: JSST (<- acronym for secret project) & Cherry Cola Mezzanine (tentative working title)

tagging: i'm getting to this quite late, so i'm not sure who's been tagged already...anyone who'd like to is more than welcome to jump in! @gamesbyalbie @allieebobo @defiledtomb @thesophiades @manonamora-if @phaedraismyusername if you feel so inclined, darling friends

#jinx.txt #Tamber I'm SCREAMING about the ships section. SCREAMING I tell you!!!!! whimpering #also Arlo YES the new trigun is very good (the designs alone are Fantastic) and I highly recommend #@gonchgirlies that font is also what I used for the lore documents lol

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jennyandvastraflint · 5 months

Text

Xena Reactions S1Ep16!

"Mortal Beloved" well that plus the picture of Gabrielle and Xena looking at each other is just super gay. Lesbianism all round

"help me" Oh. Absolutely not. Byeee

Yup, I too would run off screaming

Xena wanna help a womannn

Awww, Xena keeping Gabrielle safe

Marcus? Should I know who this is...

AWWWW GABRIELLE DOESN'T WANT XENA TO MAYBE DIE

"the man I loved" bullshit.

Yes Gabrielle, look with a bit more sapphic yearning please

SHDHDHDHD CHARON IS A FUNKY GUY

"You're not dead?"

"And now I got tourists" Funky guy love him

Woop, everyone beating up everyone...

What is Xena wearing btw

Ffs, they have no rules? That just sounds like chaosss

"How are you able to travel" OHOHOHHH

He is silly

Who is this ugly dick...

AMONGUS

"smell the living" wdym SMELL you creep

GABRIELLE WAITING FOR HER

Dude is super awkward

A tower... 😂

Looks like Krillitine Doctor Who CGI. Love it

Ew. Put on your shirt.

Candleees

Hades is so... *shrugs*

My guy... You're going in circles

Hades is so... Meh XD

Hades looks like he's having a midlife crisis

OH NO GABRIELLE RUN IT'S THE GUY

NOOOOOO LEAVE HER ALONE

Hah, she's gonna beat his ASS

GET HIS NUTSSSS

"NOOOOO!!!" damn you're SUPER SUPER gay

That's an "avenging my gf" scream

Footprints reminds me of the Mt Doom scene in LOTR ROK

"Gabrielle, are you alright?" SHE SAYS SOFTLY

"The next thing I saw was you. Which is a very pleasant sight." leeeesbian

"You're dead O_o"

"I'm not planning to close my eyes all night" PFFT

No it's okay, let him die again

Gonna ignore that random straightness

"Help us. Please." in a lame voice

Ffs is he gonna try and murder the bride

What's his problem tho

Xena pretending to be a different woman again? 😂

I want Gabrielle to tuck me in lovingly

Oh I hate that...

Xena's in the bed tho isn't she

YESS

Stabby stabby staaab

Marcus, no

Xena has a wife

"You dead this time?" "No."

*shows crown* "All aboarddd"

THE HANGING GARDENS OF DISGUSTING DISEASES SJDDJS

Omg pls the CGI it kinda looks like early Barbie movies. More disturbing. Think that stupid elephant...

Hades is such a SHITTTT XD

EWWWW.

BWAHAHA SHE STABBED HIM

Awww, Xena

And now Marcus can frolic in the Elysian fields

Gabrielle waiting for her gf

HOW SHE'S TOUCHING AND HOLDING HERRR

Yup, your bestie is in the fields now. And you got your wife.

#v watches xena #was in pain and distracted while watching this #So shorter reactions this timeee #xena warrior princess #xena and gabrielle

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mack-anthology-mp3 · 7 months

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I’d love to hear you talk about PJ Harvey and queerness, if you’re so inclined!

OH MY GOD ANON I LOVE YOU reveal yourself so i can kiss you /joking and platonic (unless...)

this is gonna be really long so TL,DR, A Lot of PJ's work can be interpreted to be about a sapphic and/or gender non conforming experience.

OKAYYYYY SO

PJ Harvey, despite having never actually said she isn't straight, has written some Very Queer music, both in subtext and fully in the lyrics.

a few examples -

Dress could be interpreted to be about feeling the pressure to be a stereotypically girly girl and trying to navigate social situations where it's expected you have a boyfriend -

'Must be a way that I can dress to please him It's hard to walk in the dress, it's not easy [...]

Filthy tight, the dress is filthy I'm falling flat, and my arms are empty Clear the way, better get it out of this room A falling woman in dancing costume'

but failing to do so because it's just not you. feeling uncomfortable in a dress, trying and failing to have normal interactions with guys - which of course cishet girls can feel as well, but hits particularly hard as a queer, gender non conforming, girl adjacent person

O Stella, while the symbolism makes it about a religious idol, could be interpreted to be about idolising an older girl. Oh My Lover is about being totally fine with a partner's hypothetical polyamory.

Man-Size is a big one, before i even knew the term gender envy i was Deeply Aware that that was what man-size is about (in my opinion, at least) - wanting to things that guys do but not being able to cos you're a girl.

'Good Lord I'm big I'm heading on Man-sized got my leather boots on Got my girl and she's a wow [...]

I'm man-sized no need to shout Let it all, let it all hang out / out out out'

fantasising about a reclaiming of power while presenting in a more masculine way - WITH A GIRLFRIEND I MIGHT ADD - before going back to feeling as though that is unattainable -

'Silence my lady head Get girl out of my head Douse hair with gasoline Set it light and set it free'

like, 'get girl out of my head' is a pretty queer thing to say, yknow?

and 50ft Queenie -

'Hey I'm one big queen No one can stop me [...]

Hey I'm the king of the world You ought to hear my song Ah come on measure me I'm twenty inches long'

which is at the same time using male terms - even though the song is called Queenie, and that word is used a lot, she specifically calls herself King of the world, and proceeds to make fun of the perceived importance of a particular male organ, while at the same time saying she's better than them

more songs with gender and lesbian undertones - Yuri G, Catherine, to a degree A Woman A Man Walked By / The Crows Knows Where the Children Go (that one's quite explicit, word of warning if yu haven't heard that one before) - and songs that are covers of songs written by men without any pronoun changing - Shake Your Hips and I Can't Get No Satisfaction are two notable examples of that.

and then there are her songs that are just sapphic without being specifically gendery - My Beautiful Leah, Claudine the Inflatable One - i first thought that Down By the Water was about sneaking out to meet a sapphic lover under the bridge in the dead of night, a doomed romance, but there are lots of better and far more likely interpretations than that.

Polly herself has also said a lot of things that just kinda read queer. Like Patti Smith before her, she has said that she writes her songs from a place 'beyond gender', and just writes them as stories, sometimes from a male perspective. But of course, to a queer audience, you can hear her singing and *know* she's singing from a male perspective, but also can't help but to hear it as queer as well.

bit of a quote to go with that -

You've said that you don't like to think in terms of gender when it comes to music. Why do you think the gender issue, especially the concept of you being a feminist, is constantly mentioned with your work?

'I can only presume that, especially in the early days and early those labels tend to stick, but I know that I really played with gender in my lyrics, and I might sing in the shape of a man or I might sing in the shape of a woman. Or I might be dressing women in a loving way as a man or as a woman, or sometimes as neither. Sometimes more as just an essence, a feeling or an atmosphere. And I think that feels quite natural to me, but I think for some people it's not natural, and that's where the gender issue seems to become quite important.'

she was also adamant that she didn't want to be seen as part of riot grrrl, but rather as part of grunge - grunge was a very very aggressively male genre, and i don't think she thought riot grrrl had the right idea about how to go about empowerment - she took herself more seriously than that i think. she didn't want to be called a feminist, because she didn't want to be called a 'female artist', but rather just an Artist.

her gender presentation, moving from fairly neutral in 1992 (big black leather jacket, black boots etc, to the hyper-feminity of the To Bring You My Love era, 1995, also comes into play - she was showing femininity to be a performance, while also using it to her advantage, she didn't actually dress like that normally, no one wears that much eyeshadow, it was closer to a drag show than an actual outfits, a lot of the stuff she wore on stage. which is another one of those things that makes sense to a cishet girl, but gains more complexity as a queer person.

there's probably a lot more i can say on this, but that's everything off the top of my head! i cannot tell you how excited i was to get this ask, PJ Harvey is so much of how i've explored my own gender and sexuality, i could talk about this for a very long time!

#thank you so much for the ask!!#not joking i was so so so excited about this one :D #pj harvey my beloved <3 #pj harvey #gender #<3 #thank you anon #i won't kiss you don't worry

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arimiadev · 9 days

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Hello visual novel fans and vampire lovers! It’s been a while since I last wrote a postmortem, so I hope I’ll be able to write this concisely (and coherently).

Dahlia was a short visual novel I created in under 36 hours for Velox Formido, a shortform visual novel game jam ran by robobarbie and Allie Vera. It’s inspired by Ludum Dare, one of the longest running game jams in the world where devs are tasked to make a game in 1 weekend based around a theme. I got my start making visual novels by entering Ludum Dare…which was 10 years ago, as of 2024!

I had my eye on this game jam for a while now, as this isn’t its first incarnation. I’ve been a bit burnt out the past year or so, not completely where I can’t make progress but to where I feel like my work has slowed down a lot more than my peers and feel I can’t make anything quickly. When I saw the jam was happening this weekend, I hopped on board once the themes were announced.

the themes

While Ludum Dare has a rigorous process of eliminating themes until it gets down to the final one, Velox Formido has it where there are 5 themes that win and participants have to use at least 2 of them in their entries. The final themes were…

Enemies with Benefits

Flower Symbolism

Doomed by the Narrative

Trapped with Someone

Forbidden Romance

I started crafting ideas as soon as the themes were announced, which was what the jam started- meaning the clock was ticking!

My first idea was a shounen rivals-esque sapphic story about two rivals meeting up for alone time. I started writing it immediately but moved on to another idea- being trapped with a vampire. I doubt I’ll ever use the first idea, so I’ve shared the snippet I was able to write for it here. Every new line is the other woman talking, so think of it as a quick back and forth.

Even though I had started on this idea, I wanted to write something more… mysterious. Frilly. Girls in cute dresses, to be exact. So I began potting an idea where a girl wakes up to find a vampire in her room, unsure if she’s had her fill yet or toying with her next meal.

the story

The “flower symbolism” theme was definitely my first pick, as I love the concept of it and played around with it in my last visual novel, Asphodelium. I named the characters Dahlia (beauty, change) and Camellia (admiration, longing). Dahlia represents a change in Camellia’s life, a sudden burst of newness. Camellia longs for something different, some way for things to change.

The other theme I picked was “trapped with someone”, as the premise is a girl stuck with a vampire in her room. I didn’t want it to be outright horror, but still a little creepy and tense.

Dahlia "I've had enough pitchforks stuck in my face for today." Camellia "And why is that?" Dahlia "Because your kind isn't too welcoming to my kind." Camellia "I was asking why you were here in the first place." Dahlia "Obvious questions get obvious responses. I needed a snack, of course." Camellia "And you chose my residence." Dahlia "Didn't you say this was your fathers?" Her words curl around the last word, like ivy growing against a trellis. She's clearly already had a "snack", but was it enough to satisfy her? Or am I the main course?

Both of them are somewhat young, but there is still the element of the unknown. This creature clearly already had a meal, but does she want dessert? Is she just toying with her food? Or is she truly delighted to find someone her age to talk to?

With the time constraints I wasn’t able to flesh out much of their dynamic, but I hope it was still an enjoyable taste! The story ended up being about 2.3k words long with 3 endings.

the art

I started doing the art about….12 hours before the jam ended. I love working with fullbody sprites as they offer me a lot more versatility with posing, but I knew I didn’t have time for that here. This time I went for 3/4ths bodies, namely just so I could cut it off at the end of their dresses. I spent about an hour on each of these.

With the time crunch I didn’t have time to do concepts for them- I just winged it! I knew I wanted Dahlia to have pigtails, though she was originally going to have a purple theme. Camellia was supposed to have proper curls in her hair, but because the game starts with her being rudely awoken, I went with messy waves instead. Think of it as bedhead rather than her actual hairstyle.

I also quickly did a main menu artwork towards the end of my crunch in about half an hour. It was originally going to be the cover art on itchio but Dahlia’s >:D sprite looks more striking.

For the backgrounds I went with free photos from Unsplash and edited them. Personally, I like the look of filtered photos as backgrounds depending on the aesthetics of the game.

I didn’t have time to edit the GUI aside from the textbox, which was NVL mode.

the presentation

Dahlia is stylized fully in NVL mode, with the textbox to one side of the screen. I love NVL mode for scenes focused on narration and setting the right mood.

I was considering making the game a different resolution, but because the NVL mode is to the side rather than the entire screen I wanted to make use of the widescreen resolution.

The game is set late at night, so each of the backgrounds had to be nighttime. To match with this, I tinted the sprites to match each of them. For example, the above tint looks like this:

transform nightcolor: matrixcolor TintMatrix("#8594d6") * BrightnessMatrix(0.03) image dahlia night = LayeredImageProxy("dahlia",nightcolor)

I wanted to try something more complex like a tint + another light source overlayed onto the sprite, but ran out of time.

Another part of the presentation I did was to have a variety of shots. I had a very limited about of art to work with (only changing mouths and eyebrows, no arm poses or eye positions) so I knew I had to be smart about how I composited the scenes.

One thing I’ve done in other visual novels was to have one character further away and have another closer to the camera but their sprite turned black. This allows me to give the illusion of depth without having a sprite of the back of each character’s head.

for instance, this is that technique in Canvas Menagerie

Doing this in Dahlia was a quick and easy way to make the visuals much more interesting rather than swapping between two mostly static sprites the entire game.

The way I do it in other games is on a per-sprite basis, meaning I set brightness and position each time. It’s hectic, really! But because of the time limit for this jam, I was able to come up with a much quicker way to set it up.

transform lefttt: zoom 0.5 xalign 0.3 yalign 0.05 transform leftttb: zoom 0.8 xalign -1.6 yalign 0.1 matrixcolor(BrightnessMatrix(-1)) xzoom -1

The lefttt transform is for the character in the back- in this example, that’s Camellia. The leftttb transform (b standing for “black”) is for the character in the foreground who’s shrouded- in this example, that’s Dahlia.

Basically, the leftttb transform sets the sprite to a bigger size than the farther away sprite, sets the position, and then makes the color completely black before flipping the sprite (because this should be us seeing them from behind).

I also did quite a few small animations in the game, such as Dahlia dancing around or bouncing up and down. You define it once as a transform and can reuse it again and again.

transform dance: ease 0.7 xoffset -59 linear 0.25 ease 0.6 xoffset 74 linear 0.19 ease 0.76 xoffset -70 linear 0.3 ease 0.7 xoffset 102 linear 0.2 ease 0.8 xoffset 0

If you’d like to see the code in action, then guess what- I’ve released the entire source code for the game on GitHub! Feel free to sift through it to see the components in action and copy some of the code for your own projects. All I ask is that you do not redistribute the game (i.e. download the code, make a build in Ren’Py, and redistribute that as your own game).

wrapping up

I’m pretty happy with how Dahlia came out. It’s short and visually distinct and helped “prove” to myself that I’m capable of making visual novels in a weekend still. I tried to avoid spoilers here, so if you haven’t played it already then give it a try!

— Arimia

#visual novel #visual novels #indie games #visual novel game #indie game dev #game jam #game jams #velox formido #postmortem #post mortem #game dev post mortem #my games #dahlia

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