asking them stupid questions — all brothers
a/n: having a hard time writing smut atm so here’s some silly headcanons with the brothers. i was really tired when i proofread this so there may be some mistakes.
tags: 2k words, no gender specified, reader x lucifer, mammon, leviathan, satan, asmodeus, beelzebub + belphegor. (belphie’s is a little suggestive).
𝐋𝐔𝐂𝐈𝐅𝐄𝐑
lucifer has had enough.
it’s been a long day and he wished for a quiet night in his office to relax with some tea while overlooking the bills his brothers have riled up.
but he’s quite distracted tonight.
peace and quiet is not an option. especially with you loitering, floating around his office and touching all the trinkets and décor. you’ve never shown interest in them before, but tonight, all of a sudden lucifer’s office is the most inviting place in the world.
“mc?”
“yes, honey?”
“is something the matter.”
there is a painstakingly long silence before you answer. “….no.”
letting out a little sigh, he asks, “are you quite sure?”
you hum with a subtle nod, barely looking him in the eye and he is now certain something is wrong.
“mc, please. if you aren’t feeling well, you can tell me about it. you don’t need to make this difficu—”
“would you still love me if i was a worm?”
“what?” lucifer’s voice croaks.
“it’s just that i felt sad thinking about how you might not love me anymore if one day i turned into a worm and couldn’t turn back into me.”
“mc, in what world would you ever turn into a worm?”
“most likely this one. remember that time mammon accidentally turned me into a sheep in spells class? i was cute as a sheep, so it was okay. but as a worm, i’d be small and slimy and gross. i’d be unloveable.”
“that is enough,” he rises from his chair, speaking with command but still gentle enough to not upset you further. “you shouldn’t think of such things. it is so silly of you to think i would ever stop loving you.”
“luci….”
“if i must spell it out for you, then yes. i would still love you if you were a worm and i would carry you everywhere with me to ensure you’re never lost or hurt. i would need something small and protective to carry you in, but yes. i will always love you.”
𝐌𝐀𝐌𝐌𝐎𝐍
“if there was a zombie apocalypse and i was bitten, what would you do?”
“hah?!” mammon’s face contorts at your random question. “what are ya talking about?”
“i’ve been thinking about that movie we watched….the zombie one. and just wondered what it would be like.”
“gave up on surviving already, did ya?” he chuckles, collapsing onto his bed beside you, his hand resting on your waist.
“no, but i wanna know! what would you do if i turned into a zombie?”
“well….what are the options?” his smirk earns him a playful smack on the chest. “hey! i’m serious. i’ll be so sad that i won’t be able to think straight, so ya need to give me some options.”
“fine,” you pout, scratching your brain for solutions. “i suppose the most humane thing to do would be to kill me. you know, to make sure i’m not forced to live as a mindless zombie eating other humans.”
“okay….”
“or you could tie me up, maybe chain me, and keep me alive by feeding me living people.”
“why would i keep ya around if you’re gonna stink like a rotting corpse?”
while mammon laughs, your brows furrow with annoyance, mostly feigned but there’s a small sense of hurt in there when you think about mammon not wanting to keep you after you turn into a zombie, despite it being completely logical and reasonable.
“hey,” his voice is soft as he leans over and kisses your cheek, “don’t worry. i’d handcuff us together and let you bite me. then we can be zombies together and never be separated.”
𝐋𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐀𝐓𝐇𝐀𝐍
movie night always means one thing, and that’s you and levi curling up with tangled limbs and a hoard of cushions and blankets. a joint blanket burrito with little space between you but that’s a good thing.
the closeness makes it cosier.
tonight, you opted for a more emotional movie. a romance, but romances are always emotional for both of you. that’s why you try your best to stay away from the romantic movies and stick to action packed fantasies or sci-fi’s that are the furthest thing from romance.
but there was a new and popular movie making the headlines and levi couldn’t wait to watch it. you knew watching it was a lost hope, and now you’re sobbing in levi’s arms watching the struggles the love interests are going through to get to each other.
“i’m so glad it wasn’t that difficult for us to be together,” you sniffle, feeling a wave of gratitude take over. “i love you, levi.”
“i love you, too,” his voice trembles and he quietly wipes his own tears.
“hey, levi?”
“what is it?”
“can i wipe my nose on you?”
“what? no!”
too late. you buried your head into his chest, wiping your face clean and covering his favourite shirt in snot.
“gross!”
“i’m sorry. i wanted to get a tissue but they’re too far away. i didn’t want to leave the burrito.”
“it’s fine,” he grumbles, begrudgingly patting you on the head to tell you it’s okay despite ruining his shirt. “let’s finish the movie.”
𝐒𝐀𝐓𝐀𝐍
“would you still love me if i told you the truth?”
satan tries to hide his piqued interest, like he usually does. he likes to come off as the too–cool–to–show–i–care kind of guy but the truth is, he is more invested in this truth than anything else.
he nonchalantly turns the page of his book and with a swipe of his tongue over his lips, he asks, “what truth?”
“that i’m really a lizard.”
well, he wasn’t expecting that.
he watches you intently over the pages of his book. you stop pacing around the library and make your way to him, showing no expression on your face. usually, he would be quite good at reading your face but in all honesty, he can’t tell if you’re serious or not.”
“a lizard?”
you nod. “a lizard.”
“you don’t look like a lizard.”
“that’s because i’m a lizard pretending to be a human.”
“a what now?” he shuts his book, sitting upright from his laid position. he tried his hardest not to give in to your silly but mysterious notion but he is far more interested in your explanation.
“you know about the lizard people, right?”
“i do not.”
“so i just exposed myself for nothing?”
“what in the devildom are you talking about?”
“it doesn’t matter. forget i said anything. if anyone finds out i told you, i could get killed.”
“please tell me that isn’t true.”
silence.
you refuse to even look him in the eye. surely, you are joking. there’s no way you’re really a lizard, let alone it be possible for lizards to be secretly living inside of humans. what kind of conspiracy would that be?
it’s unimaginable, even for demons. but whether the lizard thing is true or he’s falling for a joke, you still need an answer to your question.
“yes,” he pulls you into his side. “i would still love you if you were really a lizard.”
𝐀𝐒𝐌𝐎𝐃𝐄𝐔𝐒
“asmo,” you sing the demon of lust’s name, catching the attention that he would devote to you at any given moment. “can i ask you something?”
“go ahead, my dearest. fire away.”
he winks, hoping it would be something on the more flirtatious side, but instead you fill his mind with a grotesque image.
“what would you do if you could never touch me again?”
he immediately smothers you with a hug. “what are you talking about?! of course, that would never happen!”
“but what if?” you snuggle into him further. “what if you could never touch me?”
he hums, thinking of any solution to be able to touch you again.
“i’d cry,” he says simply. “i’d cry a lot.”
“aww,” you pout. “i don’t want you to cry.”
“and i don’t want to imagine a world where i can’t hold you like this,” he kisses your lips, “where i can’t kiss you like this,” he lifts up your hand and intertwines your fingers with his, “where i can’t hold your hand like this.”
“asmo….”
“i don’t know what would ever cause me to never be able to touch you again, but it would be the end of my world if it came true. i don’t know if i’d be able to live.”
“you’d still be able to see me and speak to me.”
“but not being able to touch you when i see you and hear you is the most painful torture imaginable. but you know what that means, right?”
“what does it mean?” you squeal and his hands tickle your sides.
“it means i need to do all the touching i can now to make up for it!”
𝐁𝐄𝐄𝐋𝐙𝐄𝐁𝐔𝐁
“hey, beel?”
“yeah?”
your quiet voices fill the dark path home from rad. beel always walks you home; be it in comfortable silence or deep conversations, you don’t imagine walking home any other way.
and the quiet air of the evening provides the perfect chance to ask him a question you’ve been waiting to ask all day.
“can i ask you something?”
“sure.”
“if i had five million cheeseburgers and you could only eat them if you slapped me in the face, what wou—”
“i’d slap you in the face.”
“i didn’t even finish my question.” you yelp, brows furrowing in frustration.
“you don’t need to finish it. i’d do anything to eat that many cheeseburgers.”
your feet plant in the ground and beel doesn’t stop walking until your hand which holds his pulls him back.
“are you serious?”
“uhmm….i think so?”
you’re grateful for the fact that he’s rethinking his answer but it was a shock to hear him say he’d slap you so firmly in the beginning. it was a stupid question to ask in the first place, but you never imagined beel ever wanting to hurt you.
he tugs on your hand and you continue walking with him, picking up the pace to get home.
“mc….” he asks. “did i say something wrong?”
his obliviousness to his own words is a harder slap in the face than the slap he promised those five million burgers.
“you said you’d slap me, beel, and it makes me sad.”
“hm….we can go halfsies on the burgers?”
“huh?”
“i’ll slap you and then we can share the burgers.” he promises. “you’d feel bad because i slapped you. and i’d feel bad because i slapped you. so to make it better for both of us, we can split the cheeseburgers.”
you look at him, astounded because you don’t know if his explanation makes his answer better or worse.
𝐁𝐄𝐋𝐏𝐇𝐄𝐆𝐎𝐑
a cuddling session in the attic with belphegor is exactly what you needed after a long, draining day. you naturally made your way up to him as soon as you had some free time, desperate for his warmth.
but belphie had a different warmth in mind with all the kisses he litters up and down your neck.
“belphie, i’m tired.” you whine, but still urge him on to kiss you harder.
“then close your eyes. i’ll kiss you until you fall asleep.”
your heart swarms with the thrill of his words, the promise of being here and showering you with affection even on your worst days.
“is something wrong?” he asks.
“no. why?”
“you’re not falling asleep.”
“that’s because you’re kisses are keeping me awake.”
“they’re meant to help you fall asleep.”
“i hate to break it to you belphie, but they’re having the opposite effect.” you tease.
“is that so?” he nibbles you ear. “what about this?”
you arch into his body, sensitive from his kisses and now the more urgent movements of his lips ignite a fire in your belly. his lips graze you, teeth nip you and tongue swipe over your skin. he sucks hard enough to leave bruises, and kisses softly on every mark he leaves.
“belphie….” the soft whisper of his name catches his attention. “how many ghosts do you think are watching us right now?”
he ceases for a moment, then lifts his head from the crook of your neck. “what?”
“what if there’s ghosts watching us right now? and what if they keep watching us while we….you know….?”
“i never thought of that before.”
“it’s weird, right?”
“definitely. let’s never have sex again.”
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