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nanowrimo · 2 months

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When Is a Small Press a Good Fit?

When it comes to publishing, many writers will think about big publishers first. However, there are a lot of different publishing options out there to explore. NaNo participant and author, Clara Ward, talks about their experience publishing with a small press and gives you questions to consider while you think through your publishing options!

NaNoWriMo inspired me to write. Signing with a small press gave me the support I needed to publish a book I love.

I’d published books before—starting with NaNoWriMo sponsor deals in the early days of online publishing—but I never had the right skill set to promote those books. As a result, they never truly found their audience.

In November of 2020, I poured my heart into a genre-blurring near-future tale of sailing across the Pacific and building a neurodiverse, queer, and possibly magical chosen family. In 2021, I titled it Be the Sea and asked myself: What am I going to do with that?

1. Are you looking for fame or family?

Small presses are as varied as the people who form them. If you read widely, you may already have a treasured book on your shelf from your publisher-to-be. Try asking NaNoWriMo friends who share your interests if they’ve discovered any surprising or emerging sources for great reads. (At the very least, you may find books you’ll love in unexpected places!)

Admittedly, a small press doesn’t have a fortune to spend on paving your path to fame. But I have never felt as seen as when my soon-to-be publisher, E.D.E. Bell at Atthis Arts, wrote back, “I’m really in love with what you are doing and would like to talk about it.”

2. Do you have the bandwidth for working with others?

Even with the most supportive small press, you may have to push outside your comfort zone. I know authors who love the absolute control and freedom of self-publishing. For a time, I felt very comfortable just posting my NaNoWriMo fanfiction novels on Archive of Our Own. At most, I had one or two beta readers to offer feedback on those works. Whereas E.D.E. told me in one of our earliest conversations that in addition to our three rounds of editing we’d need “a good number of betas” to cover the range of topics we were working on together.

I was delighted! I knew what I’d written was ambitious, and I welcomed all the feedback I could get. But it turns out, each extra person in a process adds new challenges and delays. I had to stretch my empathy as well as my publishing timeline because, to quote E.D.E. again: “It’s a lot of emotion (as well as brain cycles) to go through...” Outside perspectives will only improve your writing if you are willing to work with them, to truly listen and learn.

3. Can you handle the two-way commitment?

No form of publishing is easy. The myth that authors write while others handle business and promotion is not true at the top, and certainly not with small presses. In my experience, working with Atthis Arts was like joining a team or chosen family. Beyond certain paid tasks, such as editing and sensitivity reading, I discovered a community of authors who freely offered coaching before my first public reading, social media boosting, tips for author webpages, and an extra pair of eyes on letters requesting bookshop readings or other events. While not all small presses work the same way, this supportive culture proved to be an excellent fit for me. Naturally, I wanted to give back whenever possible.

Small presses can only succeed with community. This month, as I promote the launch of Be the Sea at bookshops in Mountain View, Davis, and Sacramento, I will be introducing many Californians to my Michigan-based small publisher, Atthis Arts. When I stand up as a panelist at Norwescon in Washington state or at various science, library, or Pride events later in the year, I’ll be promoting more than Be the Sea by Clara Ward. I’ll give back by sharing my appreciation for small presses, the supportive and inclusive practices they can normalize, and the opportunities they open up for future writers and readers.

Clara Ward lives in Silicon Valley on the border between reality and speculative fiction. Their latest novel, Be the Sea, features a near-future ocean voyage, chosen family, and sea creature perspectives, while delving into our oceans, our selves, and how all futures intertwine. Their short fiction has appeared in Strange Horizons, Decoded Pride, Small Wonders, and as a postcard from Thinking Ink Press. When not using words to teach or tell stories, Clara uses wood, fiber, and glass to make practical or completely impractical objects. More of their words along with crafted creations can be found at: https://clarawardauthor.wordpress.com

Photo by Hümâ H. Yardım on Unsplash

#nanowrimo #now what #writing #publishing #small press publishing #by nano guest #clara ward

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thomas-jefferson-miku-binder · 8 months

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Queer League of Legends Champions (with explanations) - Part II

Check out Part I

Confirmed Pansexuals – Twisted Fate

Twisted Fate was always speculated to be part of the LGBTQ+ community due to his, uh, flamboyancy. The sentiment that he felt something more for Graves was always there, portrayed in their stories through regret, friendship, and loyalty. The Boys and Bombolini color story officially confirmed him as queer, making TFGraves the faces of Pride 2022. This year, he was also seen with the pansexual flag in official pride art, with Riot finally labeling him. It's worth noticing a cute detail (that I doubt was intentional) where his card deck's colors form the colors of his flag!

Confirmed Queers – Ahri, Ekko, Evelynn, Ezreal, Kayn, Nidalee, Renata Glasc, Samira, Taric, Udyr

Ok, this is a long category. Here we have every champion we know for sure is queer, either through external confirmation (Ekko, Ezreal, Kayn, Renata Glasc, Taric), in-game dialogue (Nidalee, Samira, Udyr), or basic lore (Ahri, Evelynn). Let's start with the first group.

Throughout the first half of 2020, Riot released multiple chapters of a Pulsifire color story focused on Ezreal. It explored his relationships with numerous champions of the universe, but especially Ekko. The subtext was strong in this one, and the writer later took to Twitter to talk about how tough it was to have queer stories be censored when working for IPs, not so subtly mentioning Ezreal and Ekko after doing so. Even though Riot might not have agreed with making the Ezko relationship undeniably romantic, their love for one another is still an important part of the story, not to mention that it was the creator's intended vision to begin with.

Renata Glasc was confirmed as sapphic by one of her creators when sharing concept art of her design. Checking the link to the original post, they seem to have deleted the excerpt that mentions it, but people took screenshots before they edited it, most likely because of Riot. Taric, on the other hand, has been speculated to be queer since forever, although the motives are not that pure. Many people saw this hairless, beautiful man that likes jewels and was like, "Huh, that sounds kinda gay," which was the common dudebro mentality of the fandom at the time of his release that caused a lot of homophobia within the player base (more than usual). They weren't wrong, seeing as Riot did include Taric in official 2023 pride art, but he was not seen wearing or holding any flags. After all, it would make sense that he likes everything—and everyone—beautiful. But either way, both Taric and Renata are non-specified queers.

Shieda Kayn is a weirder case. I thought a lot about whether I should even include him in this category at all. There are many accounts of people affirming one of Kayn's writers pictured him as having fluid sexuality, but since then, wherever it was posted, it's gone now. I do believe it since we can still find Reddit threads on the subject, but the original source is nowhere to be found. I still decided to put him here, but take it with a grain of salt.

Moving on to our next category, we have Nidalee, Samira, and Udyr. Samira flirts more than once with Elegant Edge in Legends of Runeterra, and her attraction for her is not subtle. As far as I'm aware, she's never expressed interest in men, but we can't say for sure whether she's bi, pan, or gay. Nidalee and Udyr have had speculated romantic interests in other champions for a while now. Nidalee with Neeko, Udyr with Lee Sin. Nidalee and Neeko's story was first portrayed as one-sided, with Neeko rejected by her friend, prompting them to part ways. On the other hand, the addition of both champions to Legends of Runeterra explored their relationship once again, with the two reuniting and Nidalee finally realizing she did love Neeko and simply didn't know how to deal with it all those years ago. A love song, Shine On, even accompanied the update, which narrates their story beautifully. They have many romantic voice lines now, both in LoR and League.

With Udyr's rework, people started realizing he digs Lee Sin through voice lines expressing how he misses his "old friend" and that he's "loved twice, left twice" (which applies to his relationship with Lee Sin). Besides, his design includes memorabilia he exchanged with Lee Sin when they parted ways. It is also important to mention he's had a wife before, so he swings both ways. I think the context gives more than enough clues for us to safely say Udyr is queer.

Ahri and Evelynn are spirits/demons that prey on their victims (regardless of gender) through charm and seduction. Ahri is essentially a succubus, and Evelynn is the Demon of Agony, with desire and lust being important parts of their characters. It is also worth noting that Evelynn is genderfluid/agender, taking the form of anyone (or anything) that might lure her victims. So their lore essentially confirms them as not straight and not cis (on Evelynn's case, at least).

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aziraphales-library · 3 months

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Hi! I was wondering if you had recs for something longer that has a lot of exploration of queer themes? Love your blog!

Hello. We have #long fic and #queer themes tags you can check out. Here are some that have both...

The End is Where We Start From by tiresius (E)

“Aziraphale, hello. It’s er, been a long time.” “Yes, dreadfully long. You look different.” He immediately coloured in evident embarrassment. “I mean, of course you look different, as do I of course, I didn’t mean bad different, that is to say…” Something inside of Crowley, something that had been in a deep freeze for several eons, was starting to thaw. It was letting little bits and pieces of familiarity break loose to float back into their rightful places in his soul. One of those pieces, those round, blue eyes, suddenly snapped into place, and he felt a corresponding wave of long-forgotten feeling wash through him. Aziraphale is anxious. Make Aziraphale happy. “Yeah,” he interrupted. “D’you wanna… get a coffee or something?” *** Crowley and Aziraphale meet by chance on the street. They've met before, in their youth, in a different life. Some difficult things have happened since then. Will they be able to find their way back to each other and to themselves? A Good Omens human AU.

Orbit by altsernative (M)

"It was like they were in orbit with each other. Locked into their paths. Circling each other. Coming so close for golden snatches of time, then dragged away again. Again, and again, and again." Literature instructor Aziraphale and Astronomy instructor Crowley have been best friends for eight years whilst teaching at Agnes Nutter College, a subsidiary of Cambridge. If they ever wanted something more than that, well, they certainly hadn’t said anything. Just as they start to come to terms with their feelings for one another, Aziraphale is promoted to department head and out of Crowley’s life as part of the college's strict non-fraternisation policy. Neither is willing to give the other up, and with the help of a few familiar faces, a pub called Taddy’s that only plays four specific types of songs, Tracy, an enthusiastic B&B owner/community queer icon, and a hidden garden everyone seems to have forgotten about, they risk everything to try and find their way back into each other's lives once more.

An Absence of Stars by mllekurtz (E)

A.Z. Fell is a famous (well, in his circle) Soho bookseller whose selection of volumes is the epitome of respectable (and boring) literature. One of his favourite authors is the renowned science writer A.J. Crowley, whose books on astronomy have popularized the subject — and also sell very well. Mr Fell is overjoyed when Dr Crowley accepts his invitation to do a signing of his new book in the bookshop, but their first conversation is a disaster: for some reason, Crowley does not share Fell’s distaste for romantic literature and acts very cold when the bookseller berates the author of one of the most popular romance series of the moment, Madame Ashtoreth. Little does Fell know that his favourite writer and the one he hates with a passion are the same person…

I Knew I Loved You by AppleSeeds (E)

In September 1999, when his family gets connected to the internet, prospective Marine Biology student Crowley discovers an online forum where he can actually talk to people who share his passion for saving the whales. He begins corresponding with a kind stranger he knows only as Ocean_Angel, and is incredibly excited when the opportunity arises to meet this mysterious person in real life. As their friendship develops, Crowley shares things with Angel that he can't talk about with anyone else, and Angel's insights help him to explore and embrace his own identity. As Crowley works towards finding a place in this world where he feels like he really belongs, he realises that a big part of the answer to that question might actually be right in front of him. What if where he belongs is with Angel?

secondhand smoke by PaintedVanilla (T)

you're second hand smoke, second hand smoke i breathe you in, but, honey, i don't know what you're doing to me mon chéri the year is 1990, and anthony crowley is looking for a church in london that might be tolerable. the one he winds up attending isn't exactly such, but he decides to stick around for one reason. said reason happens to own a bookshop that crowley begins to frequent, much to the surprise and delight of anathema device and newton pulsifer, who seem quite convinced that crowley could use something else to focus on besides gardening, their campaigns, and visits to tadfield.

Sit Tight, Take Hold by nieded (E)

The summer of 2022, Ezira Phale is a rookie Formula 1 driver out to prove he's one of the best racecar drivers in the world, but everything gets turned upside down when he falls in love with his real-life idol, AJ Crowley. Or: The one where Crowley does not go too fast for Aziraphale. _____ This story uses a multi-media format with CSS and HTML. It's best read using the workskin so please make sure that you are enabling user workskins. If you do not want to use the workskin, I will also be posting a .pdf of each chapter and a final .pdf once everything is posted! I’m not so cool as to know how to do podcasts, manips, and videos, but this will feature scripts, news articles, text messages, tumblr, and race programming! So strap in and put your seatbelt on! This is going to be one fast ride of romance, competition, and over-indulgence.

- Mod D

#good omens #ineffable husbands #human au #queer themes #long fic #adult omens #mod d

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zombie-bait · 5 months

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Omg i just realized I have something tiny to add to the whole James Somerton debacle. I'm currently watching the hbombguy vid (as you do when procrastinating assignments) and I remembered something that stood out to me in James' old videos.

So I used to be a fan of his stuff. I am also a fan of Hannibal and IWTV. He made a video covering both so naturally I was very hyped. It was called 'The Gay Appeal of Toxic Love.' The vid itself was fine (I don't remember having any super strong opinions of it besides being excited to hear ppl mention Interview cuz I had recently become obsessed) but one thing did stand out to me. In the IWTV section he mentions Nicki and, naturally, his death:

"After becoming a vampire, Nicky becomes nearly catatonic, and eventually slips away from Lestat entirely. And after centuries of dealing with depression and severe mental illness, Nicky kills himself."

(sourced from this transcript: https://github.com/TerraJRiley/James_Somerton_Transcripts/blob/main/Transcripts/The%20Gay%20Appeal%20of%20Toxic%20Love.txt)

To anyone who's read TVL, I don't think I need to explain that Nicki had not, in fact, been around for centuries. "Nicki had lived to be 30" has been rattling around in my head since I first read it.

And like, obviously I don't expect every youtube essayist to read several long-ish novels to have a full grasp of the series' deep lore, especially when the focus was largely on IWTV and Loustat rather than the entire Vampire Chronicles. Still, it makes you wonder a bit about the quality of the research being done here. You can find the proper info in like, 5 seconds by just going on the fan wiki so I'm not sure what his sources were. And that's the issue at hand, isn't it?

At the time I felt a tiny bit smug recognizing the error but in light of everything that's been revealed, it's kind of telling. I'm not saying this part was plagiarized (I haven't found anything but others on reddit have found issues with different sections of the same video) but rereading the transcript it comes off as someone who clearly doesn't know much about Interview.... It feels like he's reading through a loose summary of plot points rather than analyzing a piece of media that actually means anything to him. It's very much Interview for people who don't know Interview which, one could argue is fair. Especially beyond book one, VC is a niche series and a lot of elements that are important to certain characters or plot lines cannot be summarized quickly for an audience unfamiliar with it. A good writer, who's done a lot of research about the specific topic they have chosen to make a video on, would be able to balance this. There is a LOT to analyze about queerness in VC and its a shame to see one of the more popular queer media channels half-assing it just to churn out videos heavily made up of other people's work. In retrospect he had several videos like that, where he would discuss things like manga/manhua communities while clearly having little knowledge on the nuance of those subjects. He was an outsider who presented himself with a strange amount of authority.

This was content created with the sole intention of propping up queer stories and history, yet it's built off stolen work from queer authors and doesn't actually care that much about exploring the communities it features. Vids like the IWTV one weren't really fact checked because it's only people like me who would might give a shit or even notice anything is off in the first place. There's a bit of a similar vibe in some of his other vids where he undermines the experiences of queer women because he clearly has not taken the time to learn about the nuances of representing queer women in media. These are things that irritated me when I first started to notice them but I put those concerns in the back of my mind because I cared about the topics he was covering and was excited to see these discussions becoming more mainstream.

The revelations of this evening have been disappointing to say the least.

(also for the record I know he made other more recent vids about IWTV but I haven't seen those and even if his account was still up I don't think I would lol

BUT

I did look at the transcript for his 'Vampires and the Gays Who Love Them' video (found from the same link I included above) and this quote about the IWTV AMC show is sending me: "Daniel has never grappled with the complexities of being gay"

Shoutout to straight, uncomplicated icon Daniel Molloy. Devil's Minion was a mass hallucination, spread the word)

#iwtv #interview with the vampire #james somerton #hbomberguy #vampire chronicles #iwtv spoilers #the vampire lestat #youtube #anne rice #queer media

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camryntheking · 1 month

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Ok! My thoughts on 7x05!

First, i just wanna say that the whole Hen and Karen storyline is awesome! I love that the show is giving queer people so much screen time, especially a Black lesbian couple! And i think its super sweet that they really want to try for Mara! I hope it works out!

Next, i think that has been my favorite cold open so far. The “ITS MEEE” gets me every time (i have already watched it loads of times). I dont have much to comment on it other than it was funny as fuck

Ok. The date scene. I was hoping to see more of Eddie watching them (especially after the stills), but oh well. The second-hand embarrassment i got was… a lot. But i dont think its necessarily a bad thing. It showed how out of his comfort zone Buck was and how he was trying to navigate a terrifying situation. And Tommy? I might have to retract my earlier retraction. Cos wtf?? Literally had just finished talking about how its hard to accept yourself in a “macho” field, then makes a dig at Buck when he fumbles? Not cool. Then not communicating what was happening until he was getting in the Uber? You dont just abandon someone at a restaurant like that. I understand the “you’re not ready” thing, but that was a dick move.

Also, Buck, baby. Sweetheart. Darling. “I look at hot guys’ asses.” Sweetie. Like Maddie said. You are more than an ally lmao. I also just love how Maddie showed interest in getting to know who Buck was talking about and treating the convo after like a normal convo. Because it is! And i love it! But she also emphasized talking to Eddie, because she knew that Eddie would not react poorly. I feel like that just shows how everyone knows how close Buck and Eddie are. TLDR, Maddie is an awesome sister and Buck is lucky to have her ❤️

Next point, the scene where Buck and Tommy talk over coffee. I do think that the hand holding at the end is very sweet and shows how Buck is really trying to be more open, but Tommy is just really starting to rub me the wrong way. Pretty much everything he said contradicts what happened in the date scene. I feel like him being at the wedding is really gonna spark some Jealous Eddie, tho, so i am excited to see that lmao

And Eddie and Marisol? I feel like the show is going in a direction that leads them to breaking up. Like yes, it is showing growth for Eddie and allowed him to acknowledge that he has Catholic guilt, but theres just. No chemistry. It feels awkward. I feel like her being an ex-nun is gonna bring up some issues with Buck and Eddie will not stand for that. I also wanted to point out that i got even more vibes that Eddie could be demisexual, cos he didnt straight up say that he loved Shannon, just that he loved being married to her. And he knows that he is moving too fast and needs to step back a bit

Finally, Buck coming out to Eddie. I do find it funny that Eddie seemed more shocked that Tommy wasnt straight than figuring out Buck isnt straight. But its awesome that Eddie showed interest and genuinely wanted to help Buck through the issue. And the hug? Finally! Give me men not being afraid to hug each other! I feel like this is allowing Buck and Eddie to become even closer (i do hope for Buddie eventually)

Overall, i feel like this episode was great for setting up the development of Buck and Eddie’s relationship (whether it ends up being platonic or romantic). And i am all for Buck exploring his sexuality with someone that isnt Eddie. While Tommy isnt my favorite right now, i do think that he is great for the progression of Buck’s story. I do hope to see more of Dad!Bobby in the coming episodes and how Buck’s parents might react to Tommy. I dont wanna wait three weeks for the next episode 😢. Im ready for the chaos of the Madney wedding

If i think of anything else ill add on, but i think thats all i have for now. Feel free to share your thoughts!

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waitmyturtles · 6 months

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Turtles Catches Up With Old GMMTV: The Bad Buddy Rewatch Edition, Part 3a -- BBS and Asian Cultural Touchpoints

[What’s going on here? After joining Tumblr and discovering Thai BLs through KinnPorsche in 2022, I began watching GMMTV’s new offerings -- and realized that I had a lot of history to catch up on, to appreciate the more recent works that I was delving into. From tropes to BL frameworks, what we’re watching now hails from somewhere, and I’m learning about Thai BL's history through what I’m calling the Old GMMTV Challenge (OGMMTVC). Starting with recommendations from @absolutebl on their post regarding how GMMTV is correcting for its mistakes with its shows today, I’ve made an expansive list to get me through a condensed history of essential/classic/significant Thai BLs produced by GMMTV and many other BL studios. My watchlist, pasted below, lists what I’ve watched and what’s upcoming, along with the reviews I’ve written so far. Today, I offer the first half of the third (ha!) of five posts on Bad Buddy. I'll look today at themes that myself and fellow Asian fans of Bad Buddy have caught and related to in this wonderful show.]

Links to the BBS OGMMTVC Meta Series are here: part 1, part 2, part 3a, part 3b, and part 4

As a lifelong viewer of Asian dramas, and as an Asian-American myself, I know why I'm drawn to Asian dramas. We all have our reasons for belonging to this widespread fandom, whether you're watching queer or het Asian dramas, consuming Asian music, all of it.

What are my reasons? The first and foremost one is relatability. Especially in Asian dramas, I relate to the spoken and unspoken communication of the dramatic characters as they navigate life's highs and lows. I relate to the way Asian dramatic characters engage with their families, their partners, their children, their colleagues, the world and societies around them. I relate to the ways in which societies are drawn and constructed, to the economic and emotional pressures that characters face. As an American -- I don't fully relate to the majority of experiences that white American characters face dramatically, because I'm not a part of the majority. As an Asian? I get almost all of what Asians are going through in dramatic art (save for, say, Korean or Japanese historicals, ha — but I do indeed get Asian patriarchy and sexism).

I'm not queer -- I am a cishet Asian woman -- but what I appreciate about queer Asian media is, very often, the media's tendency to not be shy about the various and intricate ways that discrimination, sexism, trauma (intergenerational, emotional, etc.), and many more social and emotional phenomena interplay in an individual's life.

When I first watched Bad Buddy, I had the strong sense that what I was watching was incredibly relatable to much of my upbringing and life as a young adult, working out issues vis à vis my family and my eventual partner. Bad Buddy, thematically, captured a tremendous amount of the realities of everyday Asian life for young people.

Bad Buddy exists in the GMMTV bubble of No Homophobia (cc @bengiyo and @lurkingshan, as we have spoken about the GMMTV bubble). However, what Bad Buddy didn't shy away from were explorations of many other social/emotional/cultural themes and frameworks of everyday life, from sexism, to youth bias, to boundaries and enmeshment, and many, many more.

I wrote in my first-ever Bad Buddy thesis that the framework of intergenerational trauma was the main theme I identified -- and identified with -- in the show. But, as I was contemplating writing this series of Bad Buddy meta posts, I wanted to know: what did my fellow Asians pick up in this show that they saw, and that they related to? In other words: what makes Bad Buddy particularly special to Asian fans of the show?

So, I did a thing. I gathered together a few BBS Asian stans, like myself, for a lengthy (and still ongoing!) discussion about what we related to in Bad Buddy. I want to thank, from the bottom of my heart, @telomeke, @grapejuicegay, @recentadultburnout, @neuroticbookworm, and @lurkingshan (who's not Asian, but has Asian relatives, and gets us!) for being up for creating a spontaneous mini-village together to talk Bad Buddy and its inherent Asianness.

It sounds redundant to identify Bad Buddy, a show made by Thais and set in Thailand, as an "Asian" or "Thai" show. It's definitely not a show that steps back to take a look at itself and say, "oh hey, this is really 'Thai,' what we're doing here." When I asked @recentadultburnout directly about what they might have identified as uniquely Thai about Bad Buddy, RAB thought about it and said -- maybe Pat's ranak ek (Thai xylophone). Other shows of Aof Noppharnach's, including He's Coming To Me, Moonlight Chicken, and even the start of Last Twilight, highlight many facets of Thai life, from the spiritual to the everyday-cultural (even Gay OK Bangkok does this a bit, too). But Bad Buddy doesn't really go there by way of overt symbolism and/or specifically Thai spiritual/cultural practice.

The Asianness of Bad Buddy is far more inherent. It is rooted and coded in the way people interact with each other.

An overt example occurs in episode 10, when Dissaya confronts Ming in the Jindapat home, and announces that she will reveal Ming's secret, dropping the effort she has made her entire life to "save face" -- her reputation AND Ming's reputation.

During my first Bad Buddy rewatch, I was so moved in fury by this scene that I had to blog about it as if I had never seen it before. There's so much encapsulated in this moment: the pressure that Dissaya has put on herself to keep the embarrassing secret that she lost a scholarship; the effort she made to keep Ming's theft of the scholarship a secret, to save his face, and the secrets she kept from Pran to save her face, and to keep up the façade of rivalry between the Jindapats and the Siridechawats. She was letting a whole hell of a lot loose in this moment, because the eternal pressure of saving face in Asian societies is, frankly, never-ending.

"Saving face" is an incredibly important notion in many Asian collectivist cultures. Saving face is about an individual or a family projecting an image of calm, cool collectedness and success, in order to not make waves within a collectivist society for any reason. If you are not working to seem like you are going with the flow of life, if you're not keeping up with the Joneses, the Kardashians, whoever -- you are not saving face. If you are in poverty, and are projecting an image of poverty, instead of pretending to be more wealthy than you are -- you are not saving your face or your family's face. If you allow yourself to get publicly defeated -- you are not saving face. Dissaya gave up a lot of her hard-earned reputation in the moment she confessed the truth in front of Pat and Pat's mother.

My Asian friends and I can click wordlessly into understanding the pressure of saving face; say that I didn't get good grades in school? I wouldn't be saving my parents' face. This kind of pressure to keep up with particular social dynamics within and external to family, within Asian societies, is a neverending drumbeat of pressure.

Besides saving face, there are many other Asian cultural touchpoints that were contained within Bad Buddy that my fellow Asian BBS stans and I noted. They include:

1) intergenerational/inherited trauma, 2) the unique nature of secret-keeping in Asian cultures/societies, 3) enmeshed family boundaries, 4) setting up children to compete against each other for the sake of familial pride, 5) patriarchy, sexism, and the reversal of sexism among next generations, 6) the inset/assumed roles of family members based on patriarchy and elder respect, 7) Assumed community within and external to one's family, usually based on where you live and where you go to school, 8) How one's identity is defined based on patriarchy and individualist vs. collectivist cultures, 9) How various cultures within an Asian nation live peacefully (or not) together (for example, what makes Pat and Pran different by way of Pat's Thai-Chinese heritage vs. Pran's ethnic Thai heritage),

and many, many more.

It'll be impossible, even over two posts, to analyze all of these cultural touchpoints, but a few of them engendered quite a bit of conversation among the BBS mini-village that I want to highlight. In this post, I'll focus on the continuation of my first BBS thesis on intergenerational/inherited trauma, the nature of secret-keeping in Asian societies, and will return briefly to the touchpoint of saving face.

One of the most devastating scenes for me in Bad Buddy is in my favorite episode, episode 10, when Pat (after he's learned, throughout the episode, of the extent of the lies that his and Pran's family have shared with their children) confronts his father about his father's demands to literally control Pat's emotions, the way in which Pat related to other people -- specifically Pran. Pat sums up a lifetime's worth of control in one sentence.

@telomeke noted in our ongoing group conversation that this notion of inherited trauma vis à vis Ming is particularly present in Asian societies, not just by way of familial expectation that we, as Asians, embody it and "take it" throughout our generations, as Pat realized up above -- but that ALL family members present are responsible for playing their roles within the framework of the inherited trauma. @telomeke noted in particular that exactly what Pat was doing to hate Pran, FOR his father? That was what Ming HAD to do for MING'S dad, when Ming schemed to get the scholarship from Dissaya. AND, Pat's mother, in consoling Pat, had to play the role of explainer -- which, as we know now, Pat ran away from to meet his beloved Pran on the rooftop before running away to the eco-village.

Pat running away from that moment? That was a huge symbol of the breaking of the inherited trauma that was given unto him by his parents both.

(@telomeke has actually written about their theory about how the Jindapats and Siridechawats ended up living next door to each other -- which seems SO STRANGE on the surface, consider Ming's and Dissaya's boiling hatred for each other -- and the theory links nicely within the framework of inherited trauma. Tel theorizes that Ming's father or grandfather may have actually gifted the house to Dissaya's family as a means of apologizing for Ming's deceit. In which case: the presence of the Siridechawats is a reminder, on an everyday basis, of Ming's folly to steal from Dissaya, which may explain why Ming in particular went so hard on Pat to triumph daily over Pran.)

We as a group unwound quite a bit on the nature of secret-keeping in Asian cultures. We know Bad Buddy relies on this cultural touchpoint at the end of the series: Pran and Pat have a full-fledged and committed relationship as a transparent secret, under the noses of Pat's and Pran's parents.

Secret-keeping....oh, man. I could not have lived a fully authentic life in America if I didn't keep a million secrets from my family while I was living out my own independent choices. I actually, literally, could not have gotten married, because the rule of my household was that I wouldn't date. I would just... get engaged. So I'd get engaged through, what, magic? Match-making? No: I'd have to find my partner through my own battle of social and familial conventions, literally against my family, to get to where I wanted to be in life, which was (gasp) married.

@neuroticbookworm illuminated more on this particularly from our shared Indian lens. She wrote,

Keeping your relationship secret from parents is sooooo ridiculously common in India (and I'm sure we can extrapolate to other Asian countries like Thailand). And the justification the children give themselves is always rooted in how they have a "duty" towards their parents, and that they will reveal their relationship after they have fulfilled their duties.

God, I LOVED that NBW brought up "duty" in this conversation. Because! Assumed within the coded language from Asian parents to children, and vice versa, is a sense that children MUST follow the dictates of their parents. 100%, full-stop.

The duties that NBW clarified in this particular conversation specified life demarcations such as "[w]hen I graduate, I'll tell my parents about my partner," and "[w]hen I graduate and get a job and can financially support myself in life, I'll tell my parents about my partner."

What's coded in these statements is a fear that the children will have to reveal to their parents that they were disobedient in the rules their parents set, that no dating shall occur until the time at which the parents rule it's okay. And at least within Indian frameworks, that period of it being "okay" is, more often than not, the period in which arranged matches are examined. Because, yes, that's still the rule in the high majority of Indian culture.

The revelation of that disobedience? That's bad-news bears. It indicates... everything: a lack of loyalty to the family; a lack of understanding the meaning of a child's role to listen to the parents as the parents are elders and therefore are the moral authority of the household; a lack of self-control (which is a huge deal -- that relates to saving face on behalf of the family); a lack of understanding the morals and ethics of saving oneself, in love and sex, before marriage, etc. Even if a family seems fully progressive on the outside, as an Asian, I'm conditioned to question that progressiveness -- as parents may hold different standards of acceptance for their children vs. other young people.

@telomeke expanded on disobedience for us -- connecting it back to the very important notion of "saving face."

I think there's something quite related to secret-keeping, but it's also to do with the ability of Asians, but also human beings in general, of being able to live with duality in life... and secret-keeping is part of it. This also ties in to the East and Southeast Asian preoccupation with the concept of "saving face" [as noted above]. A lot of families are able to live with the knowledge of dirty secrets, unsavory truths, as long as it's not brought into the light and confronted. I'm constantly reminded of this whenever I rewatch BBS Ep. 12 because it's clear both Ming and Dissaya KNOW their sons are in a relationship but it's not overtly admitted. In that way they (and more Ming I suppose) get to "save face" and not have to deal with the truth that their sons are being disobedient, consorting with the enemy, and because it's not in the open -- there is no dishonor brought to the family and to the elders.

God, I love the way Tel put this. That disobedience on the part of Pran and Pat would actually bring dishonor to their families -- because their families have put SO MUCH EFFORT into building their public AND private enmity their entire lives! It affected Chai's relationship with the families as an employee of both families. EVERYONE AT PAT'S AND PRAN'S SCHOOLS knew the guys were the "legendary rivals." And, of course, by being in rival faculties at the same university, the boys could continue this public enmity as well -- keeping up with the roles that were literally assigned to them by their parents.

If the boys disobeyed, they would bring dishonor to their families. Think about that -- and connect that with the heaviness that Pran walked away with after the rooftop kiss in episode 5, AND the weight of Pran's breakdown at the end of episode 10, when Pat assured him that they would run away together.

No matter what a Western viewer (and maybe even Asian viewers, wanting to see a dismantling of these paradigms) would want Pat and Pran to have by way of full openness of their relationships with everyone in their lives (because, in individualistic cultures, that self-driven openness is a given), Pran and Pat themselves knew that that couldn't be their reality vis à vis the social worlds they belonged to. So they kept their relationship a secret, in the end.

The secret that Pran and Pat keep about their relationship is strategic. It's certainly also a stress point: an older Pat asks an older Pran, at the end of episode 12, if he'll ever be able to walk through the front door of the Siridechawat house.

But this is the compromise -- within the larger-scale culture of secret-keeping in Asian societies, AND the private frameworks of the enmity that Dissaya and Ming established between themselves and their families years and years prior -- that will work best for Pat and Pran to preserve the sanctity of their relationship, which I talked about in part 2 of this meta series.

Pran and Pat do not have to publicly appear disobedient to the demands and pressures of their families. They do not have to make their families engage with each other. They do not have to make their families confront the mistakes that their parents made earlier in their lives. They can protect their families from their private and public follies. They can help their families keep and save face. And by doing all that? They can prevent their relationship from being threatened.

I feel this very deeply in my heart as an Asian-American. For the sake of my American spouse, I wanted to protect him from a lot of these pressures, and so I insisted on keeping a lot of our relationship secret from my folks. If I demanded full-blown, public acceptance from my parents? If I brought my "boyfriend" to parties, and introduced him as such with aunties and uncles -- especially if it wasn't indicated that we'd be permanent one day? Damn. No. I'd be embarrassing my folks, with the aunties and uncles saying to my folks, "dang, you can't control your daughter, huh? You let her do what she wants." That would mean my parents would lose face over their ability to control the lives of their children, and that's no bueno in our cultural terms. It would be on ME, as THEIR child, to uphold THEIR ability to save face, as much as its their own work.

Dissaya refers DIRECTLY to Pran doing this FOR HER when, in episode 10, she asks him, "did you forget to save my reputation?" It's brutal, daily work. And Pran goes BACK to keeping secrets in the end, because it would have been impossible, ultimately, for Dissaya to save face, AND for Pran to save Dissaya's reputation/face, if Pran were out with his relationship with Pat, thus proving his disobedience. It would be -- JUST -- better to keep the secret for all those involved.

As this post has gotten long, I'm going to continue talking more about these touchpoints in a second post. I'm driven to talk about this because I think much of the Western fandom might miss what us Asians are reading into shows like Bad Buddy through this coded language and engagement. I very much posit that Bad Buddy -- while it is first and foremost a queer show, made by queer Asians, about queer young men -- is so relatable to so many of us because we've faced similar struggles of survival, and we've faced threats to the sanctity of the love we have for other people by way of needed to fit into the roles set before us by previous generations.

So! With that, thank you for reading, and see you tomorrow, when I focus on competition, enmeshed family boundaries, patriarchy and sexism in Bad Buddy, and more if I can fit it in!

(Tagging @dribs-and-drabbles, @solitaryandwandering, and @wen-kexing-apologist by request! If you'd like to be tagged, please let me know!)

[Alright! Stay tuned for more, many more ruminations from the BBS Asian station tomorrow!

Here's the status of the Old GMMTV Challenge watchlist. Tumblr's web editor loves to jack with this list, so mosey on over to this link for the very latest version!

1) The Love of Siam (2007) (movie) (review here) 2) My Bromance (2014) (movie) (review here) 3) Love Sick and Love Sick 2 (2014 and 2015) (review here) 4) Gay OK Bangkok Season 1 (2016) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 5) Make It Right (2016) (review here) 6) SOTUS (2016-2017) (review here) 7) Gay OK Bangkok Season 2 (2017) (a non-BL queer series directed by Jojo Tichakorn and written by Aof Noppharnach) (review here) 8) Make It Right 2 (2017) (review here) 9) Together With Me (2017) (review here) 10) SOTUS S/Our Skyy x SOTUS (2017-2018) (review here) 11) Love By Chance (2018) (review here) 12) Kiss Me Again: PeteKao cuts (2018) (no review) 13) He’s Coming To Me (2019) (review here) 14) Dark Blue Kiss (2019) and Our Skyy x Kiss Me Again (2018) (review here) 15) TharnType (2019-2020) (review here) 16) Senior Secret Love: Puppy Honey (OffGun BL cuts) (2016 and 2017) (no review) 17) Theory of Love (2019) (review here) 18) 3 Will Be Free (2019) (a non-BL and an important harbinger of things to come in 2019 and beyond re: Jojo Tichakorn pushing queer content in non-BLs) (review here) 19) Dew the Movie (2019) (review here) 20) Until We Meet Again (2019-2020) (review here) (and notes on my UWMA rewatch here) 21) 2gether (2020) and Still 2gether (2020) (review here) 22) I Told Sunset About You (2020) (review here) 23) YYY (2020, out of chronological order) (review here) 24) Manner of Death (2020-2021) (not a true BL, but a MaxTul queer/gay romance set within a genre-based show that likely influenced Not Me and KinnPorsche) (review here) 25) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) (review here) 26) A Tale of Thousand Stars (2021) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For The Sake Of Rewatching Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (re-review here) 27) Lovely Writer (2021) (review here) 28) Last Twilight in Phuket (2021) (the mini-special before IPYTM) (review here) 29) I Promised You the Moon (2021) (review here) 30) Not Me (2021-2022) (review here) 31) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) (thesis here) 32) 55:15 Never Too Late (2021-2022) (not a BL, but a GMMTV drama that features a macro BL storyline about shipper culture and the BL industry) (review here) 33) Bad Buddy (2021-2022) and Our Skyy 2 x BBS x ATOTS (2023) OGMMTVC Rewatch (The BBS OGMMTVC Meta Series is ongoing: preamble here, part 1 here, part 2 here, more reviews to come) 34) Secret Crush On You (2022) (on pause for La Pluie) 35) KinnPorsche (2022) (tag here) 36) KinnPorsche (2022) OGMMTVC Fastest Rewatch Known To Humankind For the Sake of Re-Analyzing the KP Cultural Zeitgeist 37) The Eclipse (2022) (tag here) 38) GAP (2022-2023) (Thailand’s first GL) 39) My School President (2022-2023) and Our Skyy 2 x My School President (2023) 40) Moonlight Chicken (2023) (tag here) 41) Bed Friend (2023) (tag here) 42) Be My Favorite (2023) (tag here) 43) Wedding Plan (2023) 44) Only Friends (2023) (tag here)]

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jbaileyfansite · 5 months

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Interview with People (2023)

Jonathan Bailey could have gone in any direction after his runaway success as the male romantic lead in Bridgerton'ssecond season.

But choosing to play a gay man opposite Matt Bomer in Showtime's Fellow Travelers, another romantic period drama — this one spanning the 1950s Joseph McCarthy communist trials to the 1980s AIDS crisis — was a "no-brainer" for the British actor.

"I had looked for these gay stories, a sweeping gay love story, and I hadn't really seen them," Bailey, 35, tells PEOPLE in this week's issue. "This ticked every single box, and it's something I know I'll be proud of for the rest of my career."

Bailey first grabbed the attention of TV viewers with his breakthrough performance as Anthony Bridgerton, the proud, surly viscount on Shonda Rhimes's sudsy Regency-era drama Bridgerton.

Starring in one of Netflix's most popular shows has been transformative for Bailey, who previously had mostly divided his time between British TV and theater roles.

"Having always waited for auditions and projects to come, I just have that footing now to have choices, which is incredible and so special, because it's not a very common thing," he says. "I have a responsibility therefore not to waste that."

Raised in Benson, England by his father Stuart, a managing director at a honey supplier, and his mother Carole, who worked several jobs to help make ends meet and pay for dance and music lessons for her son and his three older sisters, Bailey found school intimidating.

The actor was 11 when he realized he might be gay, and he sought refuge in his family, the theater and his best friend.

"It's a pretty common story that school is terrifying, especially in a world where people don't understand or the teachers and children don't understand LGBTQ+ identities and experiences," he shares. "But the superpower of being on the outside looking in means that when you're older, you are drawn to storytelling and creatives who are singular and exciting. And I think queer people have a real strength to them, which could be celebrated."

Fellow Travelers certainly celebrates the LGBTQ+ community through its ambitious, decades-long narrative and queer stars. The biggest, most exciting draw for Bailey was his character Tim Laughlin's "expansive arc," evolving from a closeted political staffer in the 1950s to an out-and-proud activist in the 1980s.

"It's explored more, his journey and the expanse of it, more than any other character," Bailey says. "But I think, with Tim, he's constantly searching within himself. He's constantly torn between his identity, the truth about his identity and the stories that he's been told, whether it be by religion, by the government, by his parents or society. So it's thrilling to be able to constantly be torn between two places."

Working alongside Bomer, 46, helped Bailey bring Fellow Travelers to life.

Bomer, who also served as an executive producer on Fellow Travelers, was "a total joy" to work with, recalls Bailey, who meshed well with the White Collar actor right from the start — from their Zoom screen test to their "pregame coffee" five days before they began shooting.

"We both had quite a lot of experience in our careers of intimacy and portraying intimacy, but there's also just so much we've experienced as gay men, as well. So naturally, we had a lot to explore," he says, adding, "To honor the canon of gay storytelling is totally what I set out to do. So if it [Fellow Travelers] is 'up there,' then I'm really happy."

Source

#jonathan bailey #jonny bailey #interviews #interviews:2023 #people interview 2023 #fellow travelers #NEW!

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hiveworks · 1 year

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Hiveworks Interview with Clover, author of Go Get A Roomie! and Little Tiny Things

June 2023

Go Get A Roomie! is a queer found-family slice-of-life comic that began in 2010, featuring Roomie and her friends as they work through their internal and interpersonal struggles, as well as journeys of self discovery.

This month, Hiveworks is hosting a crowdfunding campaign to print the fourth and final volume of beloved webcomic Go Get A Roomie! by Clover.

We asked author Clover to talk about their experiences with GGAR, webcomics, and staying creative.

As the creator behind several comic series, what drew you to the webcomic medium?

I first found out that webcomics existed around 2008 and had a few favorites I followed regularly. Being into drawing comics myself, the thought of doing a webcomic creeped into mind slowly but surely. I loved how accessible webcomics were, how easy it seemed to be to start one, how certain webcomic communities were. So I started one :)

Go Get A Roomie! started in 2010. The world has changed a lot since then! What was it like to post queer content online then and now?

There are way more queer webcomics now than before! Go Get a Roomie! probably partly owes its success to the fact that there weren't too many queer ongoing webcomics back then.

Readers demanded more queer content, more specific to their needs. Now there's more choice. If you don't like a queer webcomic, you can find another one without any hassle!

How has the landscape of posting webcomics online generally changed for you? Has your audience changed?

Posting for three different webcomics means discovering what it's like to have a different audience for each, though some webcomics are similar enough that the audience remains largely the same. Generally though, I've had very positive experiences with most of my audience! They've been caring, and understanding enough that I've never felt rushed, or judged for taking time off when needed.

Go Get A Roomie! has concluded and you're now onto your newest slice-of-life work, Little Tiny Things, which updates Tuesdays and Thursdays. How do you stay motivated with posting your comics regularly?

I do it because I love doing it! Not that it's always easy to maintain the same schedule, but I like knowing that the story advances at a "fast" enough pace. I want readers to discover more of what I want to show them!

In addition to LTT and GGAR, you are also the creator of Headless Bliss, a surreal comic that bends towards horror. It's very different from your slice-of-life work. How does Headless Bliss fit into your creative process and identity as an artist?

Go Get a Roomie! had a few surreal elements when a character dreamed, or told stories, and I had a lot of fun with those moments because it was so different from the slice-of-life, 4-paneled, jokes I wrote for GGAR. It meant I could explore more, narration-wise and tool-wise. But it wasn't enough, I had ideas for another story that was way more psychedelic, because I've always loved those kinds of stories too (comics like Sandman have inspired me a lot), and so Headless Bliss was born. I loved having two comics of two different vibes to jump from one to the other.

Go Get A Roomie! has been successfully crowdfunded into three books, with the fourth and final volume currently underway. What do you think are the benefits of transforming webcomics to print? What are the challenges?

Webcomics online are neat because they're accessible for so many people, for free! But having them on print means more people can enjoy them, and I'm one of those who prefer reading on print than on screen. Crowdfundings are a great way to make a little more money from your hard work, but they're also a challenge because of all the extra work that needs to be done! Preparing the book, the rewards, sure, but also managing everything else surrounding the printing and the shipping of the materials promised, and on time too! Thankfully, having Hiveworks as a partner in crime means being able to share some of all that work, it's an immense help!

Outside of comics, what do you do to refuel your inspiration?

I try to not work too much! Give myself time to do something else, to go outside, breathe a little, you know? All that is told within stories has to come from somewhere, and that somewhere is you living things.

Any advice for comic artists who find themselves stuck in a rut?

Take a break and try not to feel too guilty about it. It's okay not to be at your best all the time!

What is something you're looking forward to?

Right at this moment, settling down in my new home, to be able to work once more on comics in a nice and welcoming environment. Once that's done, I'd like to try out the more "traditional" path to publishing and start a new comic for a publishing house! While still continuing webcomics because I love doing it :)

Go Get A Roomie! Book 4 crowdfunding campaign is hosted by Hiveworks. The campaign concludes June 16, 2023, at 12pm ET.

#hiveworks #interview #go get a roomie #webcomic #headless bliss #little tiny things #clover #blog

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clone-anon-after-dark · 4 months

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So, can I get a Fives with an ace reader, the theme is up to you

Here we go!

Campfire

Fives x Asexual GN Jedi Reader

Word Count: 1199

Warnings: None really. The start of a queer platonic relationship with just a little hand holding and closeness.

A/N: I really wanted to show the start of a new relationship that isn’t going to include the usual romantic tropes. Some discussion of relationships versus attachment. Originally I wrote this for a male reader, but then realized that it doesn’t indicate the reader’s gender anywhere.

You watched the moon brighten as night overtook the planet. Fives looked through the supplies you’d brought with you for this little scouting mission.

“Found an ax,” he said as he walked back out of the small ship.

“Want some help,” you asked.

“I can handle it, general.” He struck a bit of a pose to make you smile. He looked pleased when you let out a bit of a laugh.

You got serious for another moment and replied, “I told you, Fives, you don’t have to call me that out here.”

Fives gave you a grin, but didn’t say anything. Instead, he approached a fallen tree and started cutting off large branches for some firewood and kindling. You pulled out a pot and a packet of dehydrated soup. It wasn’t the best food, but it was better than ration bars. Fives made a fire and you heated the food. Dinner was quiet at first, but then you spoke up.

“I don’t think I’ll be a general in this war. I certainly don’t want to lead anyone into battle.”

“Why not? You’re a Jedi.”

“There are many ways to be a Jedi. I’m better with jobs like this. Supporting civilians.”

“You’re good at it,” Fives replied. “You’re good with people.”

“So are you.”

You smiled at him as you finished your food. You liked helping people and you didn’t like war. You were grateful to have the ARC trooper with you. Rex had given him leave to help you after Anakin found out you’d be going alone. At first you thought this mission wasn’t going to need more than one person, but after seeing how complicated the situation had gotten, it helped to have Fives’ support. He was great with the little kids who were all still reeling from the recent attack on their community. He spent a lot of time in the makeshift hospital. As soon as he saw the children, he went in to visit, telling them stories and reading to them from a small collection of books that had been donated. Your heart warmed when one little girl crawled into his lap while he read. Beyond this, he communicated needs with the 501st. They were sending in more support and were to arrive the next day. The locals needed food, medical supplies, and support in clearing debris. It wasn’t the first time you’d worked with Fives. You’d worked with other clones before and always admired them, but there was something about Fives. He made you feel a way that no one else had. You had a special place in your heart for him.

You cleaned up from dinner and Fives watched the sky. It was clear he was deep in thought.

“What is it,” you asked.

He cleared his throat and said, “I was thinking about how I…” He took a breath and stared at his hands for a moment. You’d never seen him nervous quite like this. “I was thinking about how I care about you, but I know you’re a Jedi. You can’t be in a relationship.”

“That’s not true,” you said.

“It’s not? But isn’t love and attachment forbidden?”

You shook your head and sat next to him, scooting a little closer.

“There are many ways to have a relationship. I certainly wouldn’t be opposed to exploring what that might mean.” You paused and collected your thoughts before continuing. “With a few exceptions, we aren’t supposed to get married. Ki-Adi Mundi has multiple wives, but that’s because his species has few males. He says he’s unattached to them, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t care about them either.”

“So you can love but you can’t get attached. How does that work?” Fives mouth twisted in a bit of frustration. He knew how he felt and it seemed so simple. Putting all of this into so many words felt like it could easily trap someone in a complicated mess. You held out your hand toward his.

“Don’t offer me that if you don’t feel the same,” he said cautiously. You didn’t push.

“I’ve always known I was different,” you stated. “I don’t feel attraction in the way that a lot of people do. I see beauty in the force, in the universe, in people, but I have never wanted sexual intimacy or anything like that. I realize that’s what some people would want. Maybe to me this seems simple because for me it is.” You left your hand out toward him and added, “I care about your Fives. I feel great love for you. Not being attached means that if I know I can’t control you or the future. If you were, I’d be sad, but I would know that you’re now one with the force. The force is everywhere, so we will never be without each other. Being unattached means that we are free to do our duty. Don’t mistake my lack of attachment for a lack of caring or a lack of love. I love deeply even if I don’t act on it in the way most people would.”

Fives took in all that you said. He felt a comfort in how you put it. He wasn’t sure about all the details of the force, but he often felt like his fallen brothers were watching out for him. Maybe this was the feeling of someone being one with the force and always being there. He liked that thought. It was comforting. He reached for your hand and interlaced his fingers with yours. He closed his eyes and took some deep breaths. He hadn’t felt this close to anyone.

Several minutes passed and you both felt a calm come over you. You studied his face. Little muscles that were worried now relaxed. His beautiful brown eyes grew softer. The warm light of the campfire lit up his features. You could see every bit of wear on his armor. So many battles and so many stories and yet he was always ready to help and do his job. You admired him and felt your connection grow. You hoped he understood how you felt.

Fives looked back at you. His kind smile was accompanied by some butterflies as he looked into your eyes. He gently squeezed your hand. You sensed his vulnerability and wanted to comfort him.

“I like spending time with you. I like you. Let’s just see where things go. That okay?”

He nodded. “More than okay.” Then, for the first time instead of calling you general, he whispered your name.

You were both distracted from the moment when you heard a battle droid’s voice from the edge of town. You drew your lightsaber and he had his blaster out, each wanting to protect the other. You walked around the ship, but put your weapons away with a sigh as it was revealed that the noise was simply a group of stray tookas play fighting on top of a pair of halved droids. You let out a sigh and returned to the fire together.

You sat shoulder to shoulder and he put an arm around you. You briefly rested your head on his shoulder before reaching for his hand and watching the stars.

Tagging: @dukeoftheblackstar @trixie2023 @staycalmandhugaclone

#arc trooper fives x jedi reader #arc trooper fives x gn reader #arc trooper fives x m!reader #arc trooper fives x gn jedi reader #arc trooper gives x m jedi reader #arc trooper fives #fives anon #asexual reader #arc trooper fives x ace reader #arc trooper gives x gn asexual reader #reader insert #tcw #tcw fanfiction #the clone wars #the clone wars fanfiction

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dyke-a-saur · 1 year

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Finished watching Heartbreak High and I gotta say, I feel like they pulled off Gen Z High School really well. Like I could go to school with these absolute agents if chaos.

Okay but important business:

Amerie

I loved her the second she popped up on screen. Her energy, her personality, and her friendship with Harper. It was just the best. At times tho, I could see why the other characters antagonized her. After all, it was just as much her map as Harper’s and she put people in awful situations. Not to mention the reveal that she failed to let Harper in, then had the nerve to say she’d always be there. She even did the same to Malakai (tho it’s clear she acted out of trauma from her and Harper’s friendship gone sour)

Dusty

Fuck you. Youse a bitch, a snake, and truly a shit stain on the trousers of humanity. Work on yourself. Big soulful eyes tho.

Ca$h

Arguably the second most emotionally intelligent character in the show? Definitely better at it than Darren and his relationship was so refreshing? It was neat to see it not be a “I like dudes, oh no,” storyline and instead “I’m ace and just need to better express that to my partner who I love and adore”. Also that “I love you scene” was peak ghetto and I loved it. Darren’s Baby Daddy really behind bars, huh?

Malakai

This man. Is so fine. So sweet. And so funny. I love the way he gets to know Amerie and then befriends her and then becomes her first. And even if he handled the peer pressure to talk about the details poorly, he wanted to do right by her. I also loved how they explored the kinship he had with OTHER BLA(c)K CHARACTERS. It was nice to see how much he healed by being in his community and being surrounded by love for his culture. Missy being a big part of that was beautiful.

Harper

I did get the "spoiler" that she went through "something traumatizing" right before the start of the show, then later got more clues from Tumblr. So i had more patience with her character at the start, being honest. But goddamn it was so hard to watch her shut Amerie out and lash out at her. It also sucked seeing her antagonized in the second half because if she could've reached out or accepted people reaching in, then I feel like shit could've been handled better. But after seeing the events of "that night" I could totally get how and why she would want Amerie out of her life. Fake as hell for not owning up to the Incest Map tho. I was constantly whisper-yelling at my phone "girl, get it together!'

Quinni

No notes. Love her. She's the best. Also the most emotionally intelligent character (not a surprise and fuck you Sasha). She helps so many characters process their emotions, make up, figure out wwhat they want, and still stands on her own as a great character with her own life going on. I'm NT, but from what I've seen on Tumblr, most ND people see her as good rep.

Spider

Fuck this guy. Racist, sexist, (not as homophobic as previously assumed), and awful. But I love it. I love when he gets told to shut up. I love it when he's being awful and the other characters are like "yeah, fuck this dude". But also, he was weirdly complex? like the scene where he would've gotten it on with Amerie makes a lot of sense in context of the rest of his behavior. He's overcompensating because someone he genuinely liked, and cared for to an extent, hurt him in a vulnerable place and treated him like a dissapointment. Doesn't give him the right to react with daily verbal abuse, but his character makes more sense that way. I'd like to see him grow from that, but I'm not sure how.

Star of the Show

They're here, they're queer, they're unapologetically BLACK, they. Are. DARREN.

Okay jokes aside, I love this bitch. They're not only a great friend, but they (mostly) know what they want in life. It's sad to see Darren be dismissed as “too much” in their home, and you can really see how its affected the way they view their ability to be loved and cherished. So seeing them find that in Ca$h and watch the relationshp between the two grow was beautiful. It hurt to see Darren hurt Ca$h, like they gay ass ain't know what the "A" in "LGBTQIA" stood for, but that growth and intracommunity hurt was important to see.

Others

Ant annoyed me but he seemed like he could do/be better if he wasn’t around the rest of the guys. Sasha pissed me off, but I hope losing Quinni was enough to actually get her to look at her self-righteous tendencies and work on herself, I wanna see her go far. Missy was a fucking icon and I love her. Ms. Jojo is the love of my life and fuck Spider/Ant/Dusty (nigga) for screwing her over like that. Mrs. Spigot is my literal soulmate.

I think that’s all for now? But yeah go watch it if you haven’t already. It is another show focusing on the sex lives of teens but it feels more authentic than anything we’ve been given before.

#heartbreak high #darren heartbreak high #ca$h piggott #amerie x malakai #dusty hate train 4 lyfe #quinni heartbreak high #sasha so #australia

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queer-advice-hotline · 4 months

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Hello Queer-Advice-Hotline,

Thanks for all that you do! Just found this blog and it’s been really educating and helping.

I have a question. I’m nearly 34. Last year I started on a journey of getting to know myself and what I liked, as I spent a lot of my adult life dealing with trauma and resulting codependency issues. I was very femme, the last thing I thought I’d be questioning when I started this was my gender.

I always wondered to wear male clothing and decided one day to explore that urge. (The men’s aisle at old navy is a gateway drug.) I started using they/them and a different name. (The name was to cut ties to my trauma as well as express my gender.) I kept wearing more and more men’s clothing, and that’s all I wear at work and my home. It feels right to me. I am out as non-binary with people, but friends in my life have no clue I dress like a man, sometimes use the “he” pronoun and bind.

I now use he/they. I don’t define myself as a trans man though. I thought for a little while I might be, but have no interest in hormones or surgery. I bind my chest mostly in private and love how it looks and feels, but I think I’d feel more dysphoric without my top half then with them. I like my top half and it’d feel weird to be without it. I also love my bottom half and wouldn’t want to get rid of that either. I look at myself in the mirror sometimes and think “fuck I love my body”. About the only thing I’m super dysphoric about is my voice. I wish it were much lower.

I like the way I see physically look now with just the outside appearance alteration: the masc clothing, short hair, etc. I do often have anxiety about being out to people about my gender. I’m out to my friends as non-binary, but most of they think I’m still femme. At work I dress masc, at home alone, and at one comic store I go to. Most others don’t know. I’m slowly being more open about who I am (and feel great joy in that) but am not fully out. I know that this is because I have a lot of internalized transphobia because of my evangelical upbringing and I’m working through it. I fear rejection. I fear judgement. I worry my change in my identity is because of my trauma, or some head injuries I had in recent years. I don’t feel secure in my place at the queer table. How do you work through those fears? I identify currently as genderqueer trans-masc. I am not sure if I’m allowed to use the terms “transmasc” or the pronoun he”. But I have no interest in HRT or surgery. I worry I’m misappropriating an identity. Is is ok to define myself as genderqueer transmasc and not want to physically transition? Am I trans enough, I suppose is ultimately the question.

Thank you for the help. I’m a really shy person, don’t know anyone in the queer community, and wasn’t sure who to ask.

Surgery, hormones, and any other sort of physical transition are not required to be trans. You can absolutely define yourself as trans masc, genderqueer, or even as a trans man if you wanted to. It’s not misusing the label at all.

You would be trans enough even if you wore dresses, had long hair, and used she/her pronouns. You are trans enough as you are, always.

#1-800-queer #queer advice hotline #gender calls #advice calls #queer #trans

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denimbex1986 · 4 months

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'When it was announced that Andrew Scott and Paul Mescal would be starring as lovers in All of Us Strangers, a film written and directed by Andrew Haigh, fans were buzzing on social media about what the combination would deliver. This was no surprise: Andrew Scott – already a celebrated actor from roles such as Moriarty in Sherlock, the ‘hot priest’ in Fleabag, and Gethin in the incredible 2014 film Pride – and Paul Mescal (Normal People, Aftersun) are the definition of queer catnip. Under director Haigh’s masterful eye, the end product is an enthralling exploration of what it means to be queer in today’s Britain. Even ahead of its general UK release, the film has already made an impact and literally shifted the language we use about gay/queer representation on screen.

Haigh – acclaimed for past feature films Weekend and 45 Years, as well as HBO series Looking – has crafted a tender examination of love in the shadow of shame. An enigmatic dive into the pain and pleasure of finding affection in another man through the constrictive confines of emotional isolation, All of Us Strangers excels on so many levels.

The premise: forty-something Adam (Scott) meets Mescal’s twenty-something Harry, and the pair begin a love affair that has Adam revisiting his childhood home and conjuring up the ‘ghosts’ of his dead parents. And no, that’s not a spoiler, it’s just the opening scenes of a film that examines a love affair between two gay/queer men of disparate ages whose very different life experiences have brought them unexpectedly together. What happens next? Well, that’s for you to discover in a movie theatre near you. Essentially, All of Us Strangers is one of the most enthralling films of the 21st century to explore British gay identity, and Scott delivers quite possibly the performance of his career to date, one that dances between visceral suffering and emotional vulnerability.

Here, Scott talks to Attitude about bringing his character Adam to life on screen, working through shame, and the power of sex as a means of communication.

Cliff Joannou: A good place to start is to say that I really related to the film. I grew up in Croydon not long after director Andrew Haigh did, so the environment and era that it was set in really resonated with me.

Andrew Scott: You’re joking me.

For real. Even that shot with you as your character Adam walking through the Whitgift Shopping Centre, I was like, ‘Oh, that’s a little bit close to home.’ That’s exactly what it looked like when I was a kid. What resonated most with you in the story? For me it was very much the setting and location, being a young child in the UK after the worst of the AIDS crisis.

I suppose it was the dynamics within the relationships, that was what I found most authentic. And there’s two storylines within the movie, and both of them I found to be really, really beautiful and very actable. The scenes between Adam and his parents are genuinely extraordinary. And what’s so lovely is when I was in LA after the film had come out, and audiences had started to see it, and I’m really getting such a strong sense that people really do appreciate the nuance of the film.

I think the chief value of the film, for queer audiences particularly, is that it recognises that the dynamic within families isn’t always necessarily as dramatic, perhaps, as it is portrayed sometimes in stories about coming out, in the sense that it’s not fully embraced acceptance and nor is it outward rejection, but for a lot of queer people it’s somewhere in between, so that brutality and intolerance and doubt can exist alongside real love within families.

Absolutely. I like how frank the conversations are between Adam and his parents. I also like how early the conversation about Adam’s sexuality comes up with his parents.

What I love about that scene is that he doesn’t want to come out to his mum, he doesn’t want to have a coming-out scene. He’s a man in his forties, and he’s lived a life on his own for 30 years, so he wants to tell her about himself, and that includes, of course, him being gay, so he tries to be offhand about it, but also, I think my challenge was to show that he deeply cares what she thinks as well. And when she starts to be loud and wrong and reveals some prejudice in her questions, it enrages him.

But I think that exists alongside a real deep need for her to accept him, too. I think that scene is just so beautiful because it’s something, of course, that he’ll have thought about given the fact that he lost his parents 30 years ago. One of the things that I find really moving is when people talk about having lost their parents and never having come out to them before they died. I’ve talked to 60-year-old men who say, “I never got to do that.” And I think that really takes up a lot of people’s time.

Did you discuss with Andrew [Haigh] any of Adam’s wider backstory or did you create one for yourself? Where had he been in that time in between?

Not with a huge amount of detail because I suppose I thought of what benefit was that going to be. There were certain things I sort of thought about a little bit, but my biggest challenge, and all of our challenges, was to make those scenes as authentic as possible. We shot in Andrew’s childhood home, and that was such a brave thing for him to do. And I felt very much that if I were to think about any backstory, I wanted to think about my own; I wanted to bring my own stuff. To bring not necessarily my own biography, because it differs a huge amount from the character’s, but certainly my own emotional biography, as I call it.

It feels like such an extraordinary privilege to be able to play a character like this. And I wanted to give as much of myself because it was cathartic for me. I never thought that I would be able to watch a film like this, let alone be at the centre of it, so I wanted to be able to take that opportunity to express myself in some way. Why pick an imaginary backstory from somewhere else? I wanted to bring as much of myself as I could, because I feel like that’s what the audience is going to relate to the most.

There’s a bit early in the film when Adam meets his parents’ ‘ghosts’ for the first time, and he says, “Everything’s different now.” It’s such a powerful line as it highlights the character’s inability to let go of the past because doing so means he has to confront his present unhappiness.

Yes, exactly. Well, I suppose one of the best things that you can do as an actor is to say things to feel one thing but to say something else. That’s always what you want as an actor. A lot of the real interesting lines in the film are where people are saying one thing but meaning something else. When Adam says, “Everything’s different now,” I’m not sure that he fully believes that. He believes it in some way. But one of the things that I really love about the story is when Paul’s character of Harry talks about his estrangement from his family and he’s somebody who’s in his twenties.

I’m not sure the generational difference between Adam and Harry is the most interesting thing about the film. I think one of the big changes, of course, is the presence of Aids, when Adam would’ve been growing up. I certainly know that the shadow of Aids was very looming when I was growing up in the nineties. And, of course, that’s going to affect the way we think about sexuality in the sense that we’re going to feel like we’re going to be punished for being physical or for expressing love.

There’s another impactful moment where Adam says, “I thought if I fucked anyone I’d die.” It took me a while to get my head out of that space and allow my sexuality to be something that I enjoyed and recognise that it was not a threat to my life. How was your journey to finding peace with your sexuality?

Oh, it’s one of the wonderful things, the emancipation from that. I feel so incredibly… I suppose I just enjoy being gay so much on so many levels, I think it’s such a wonderful thing to me. It’s an extraordinary gift to my life and just to be able to see the real beauty in being gay is completely wonderful. The older I get, just the more I feel so lucky to have been born gay and that pervades my life in the sense of all my friendships. I have so many amazing queer friends in my life now that I just adore.

What’s very sad for some of us is that we avoid those kinds of people when we are shredded in our own shame. To be around other gay people highlights something that you don’t want to see, but when you do want to see it, it becomes completely wonderful. I feel such a huge sense of camaraderie with other queer people now, and without sounding too hippy about it, I feel like I just want to spread that love and positivity in our community because we’ve come such a long way, and it’s important that we are kind and look out for each other and celebrate how uniquely different and how fucking wonderful that can be.

That’s beautiful. I remember when I was younger and less comfortable in my identity, I avoided going to Pride, I felt it was a little bit too in my face. Now as I get older, I go there with my nieces, and we watch the parade, and there’s a tremendous sense of healing that comes with being around the community. And the broader the community gets, the more all these letters in that ever-expanding acronym stand out, the more beautiful it gets.

When I see two people of the same sex holding hands walking down the street, I’m like a little weirdo. I’m smiling at them. They’re like, ‘What’s that dude smiling at us for?’ Because I just think it’s so wonderful. It’s easy what you say about everything is different now. It’s something that I always feel when people say, “Oh, it’s 2024, you’ve got to get with the times.” I always find that preposterous because, and I mean this so vehemently, that different forms of sexual identity and gender identity have existed since the beginning of humanity. They have existed and will always exist until humanity ends. In 2084, they’re going to look back at us and think, ‘My God, those people were so old-fashioned.’ Sexuality, that’s not a fashion, it’s a natural state of being.

When I watch the relationship between Adam and Harry, there’s no point at which you feel like the sex scenes are being played for the audience’s titillation. It is one of those kind of rare sex scenes that actually drives the narrative forward, that it is important to the story.

Sex is just communication, isn’t it? It’s just physical communication rather than verbal communication. And what needed to be communicated is how I think we see Adam as somebody who hasn’t been touched by anybody or touched anybody in a long time, not just sexually, but he needs affection from his parents, and he needs love and sex and affection from his lover. And I think just seeing that tentativeness and the way Paul plays a character who’s a bit more sex-positive, so to speak… Their communication is really strong in that scene. I’m so proud of it. I really am because I feel like they represent the characters so beautifully.

How did you arrive at that point of playing those scenes in that way?

We didn’t over-rehearse it. We knew that those scenes, particularly the early ones, had to have a sort of frisson. And we had an intimacy coordinator, which can be very helpful for the simple reason that if you’re able to talk to somebody about your fears or what you want to show, what you don’t want to show, or what you think it should be and what the narrative of the storyline is, you have that base of safety. It actually makes you feel like you can do whatever you want. Because frankly, you just know that if there’s something that you don’t like, you’re contractually protected, and it won’t end up in the movie.

Andrew [Haigh] is really good. Sometimes when you do sex scenes, it can be like, ‘Oh my God, D-Day.’ And you are a bit nervous, of course, because you take your clothes off in front of strangers, but he’s like, “It’s just another scene,” so you don’t want to overdo it. But chemistry is a really interesting thing. You’re basically just listening to see what the other person is doing physically in the same way you would in a dialogue scene. And you can talk about that as much as you like, but until you’re actually there, it’s not alive in that way, so it’s just about listening, but just listening with your body, basically.

There’s a line in the film where Adam tells Harry, “Things are better now, but it doesn’t take much to feel the way that you felt.” Is there an instance where you remember, ‘Oh, that’s the first time I was made to feel shame?’

I don’t think that there is one particular point, but I do think if we could erase the assumption in our society that everybody is straight until proven otherwise, it would make an enormous difference to people. And by that, I mean that we don’t say to our six-year-olds, “You’re going to marry a princess, and have you got a girlfriend?” I remember when I was a teenager and people said, “Have you got a girlfriend?” I would say no, and I wasn’t necessarily lying, but you feel like you’re lying by omission.

For me, what happened is that you desexualise yourself slightly. And I think that what happens for a lot of teenagers is that there’s a conspiracy of silence around you, and that is a lonely place to be. And I think that’s where we become very hardworking, that we pour our energies into something completely different in order to correct what we imagine is a flaw in our character.

Some people go the opposite [way], where they become self-destructive; you can be super hardworking and incredibly ambitious, or you can just completely go off the rails. You think, ‘Well, I have been rejected, so I’m just going to go crazy.’ It affects our psychology in so many different ways. It may not necessarily be something that’s actually happened to us; it could be just forecasting what you think might happen, and that forecasting happens when we read about prejudice or other horror stories. The way the media talked about gay people when I was growing up was absolutely disgusting and fearmongering, and I still think we have to be very careful in not just the media, but in the way that we consume media and what we stand for. That we call out that kind of cruelty and intolerance. Language matters.

When we read the opposite, when we read positive things or see representation on screen, when we see ourselves, we think, ‘Oh, well, we can forge a way in the world.’ That’s why I think a movie like this, it is so incredibly important because it’s incredibly compassionate and tender, but it also doesn’t erase the fact that it’s painful and it can be lonely being gay. And there’s a certain thorny path that we all have to go to in order to find love, not just in another person, but in ourselves.

The clip from the Hollywood Reporter where you talk about the use of the term ‘openly gay’ went viral and has likely changed the way we refer to out queer actors in future forever. What went through your mind when you saw the reaction to that?

There’s something about that phrase that makes me uneasy about what it implies. Particularly now. You don’t put ‘openly ’in front of most attributes or characteristics. And I think we should maybe look at retiring it. And I know I’m not alone in that. The response to the clip reflects that. I do understand that historically we need a word to recognise the fact that there are sometimes people that are gay but for whatever reason aren’t able to be open about it. I totally get that. And so, I just feel the word ‘out’ does that. It’s just simpler. It does the job, and with less implications.'

#Andrew Scott #All of Us Strangers #Paul Mescal #The Hollywood Reporter #Andrew Haigh #Weekend #45 Years #Looking #HBO #Normal People #Aftersun #Fleabag #Hot Priest #Moriarty #Sherlock #Pride

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boytransmission · 6 months

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Idk if you would answer something personal like this but I thought I’d shoot my shot!

For background I’m 20, queer/enby and just starting to get into bdsm/kink this past year or two. I also prefer a submissive/brat role and your page has helped me a lot in feeling a community and understanding.

How did you learn about this side of yourself/explore it, have you found community that makes you feel validated in it and can share it with, and how do you work through shame if you experience that?

I hope you have the best day I appreciate you!

-🫀

Heyy howdy! i'm so happy to hear my little corner of tumblr has helped you out at all, that's really cool :) I don't feel super qualified to answer your questions, but i'll do my best under the cut

I learned about this side of myself very, very early on lol. I was extremely hypersexual as a child (didn't know what a sexuality was so i just fantasized about everyone) then got scared of myself from like 9-14 (came out as bi at 11, lesbian at 12), then got back to it as a highschooler (13: trans & bi; 15-18:gay ftm). I never got with anyone (didn't start screwing till i was 18), but i poked around 20th century queer art and history and photography (mostly from the u.s., and mostly gay male), and by the time i joined in on the grindr scene at 18 i had an idea of how i wanted to be thrown around. I explored it all in a pretty horrible, unhealthy way through grindr. I fell in love with a transfem who was my first for everything but was secretly using me as "the other man" the whole time, i was always too scared to actually deny sex to anyone who i wound up meeting in person which did a horrific number on my body, and i was obviously chased all over the map by cis male fetishists, and i got with several of them and dated one who was extremely... i don't know. Manipulative? Violent? It's more confusing than that. I was having sex as an addict running away from my real life issues and emotional struggles, and i fucked myself over so much worse than any one hookup or short-term relationship possibly could've. I realized i needed to cut it all off, and i did, and it forced me to seriously think about where i stand sexually. I was right when i was a kid- i'm a dyke. As imaginitive as i was when i was younger, i haven't been 'hypersexual' since i was maybe 13, and i am definitely demisexual. The trauma i experienced from august 2022 to july 2023 has caused extremely intense bouts of sex-repulsion fluctuating against sex addiction which has been... tough. But with all that said, coming back to my dyke roots and listening to my younger self and pursuing butchness and fagdyke bullshit has helped me heal so, so much. It was rough realizing that what i was doing was a twisted version of comphet, something i stupidly thought i was more or less immune to. This community and all the art and people and ideas that come out of it are so insanely incredible and touching to me. I've always been part of the trans community, but the trans dyke community is so much stronger together than the gay trans community was for reasons i don't know.

I currently live in a small town in florida with no nearby major cities, and even if there were, i can't afford a car (let alone gas or insurance) and i'm stuck at home when i'm not at work. It's miserable, and all those issues combined mean there's no community here for me to engage with, not queer and definitely not kinky. I've been wanting to move to a bigger city, and when i was visiting Seattle i got my first real ticket into a trans kink community that was so warm, welcome, open, and i was so, so floored and beyond happy i got to experience it, even if it was just one meet up at a cafe. Finding community in smaller areas is excruciating.... even if you take initiative to build it, it's likely there's no one actually There to join in.... i mope about it a lot. But online i feel like i have recently found a good circle of people/mutuals/etc to share in butch/dyke/trans sexuality and leather kinks and pretty much everything i've talked about on this blog, despite how badly it's lacking for me irl :,,)

Something that ties the two paragraphs together: i really don't struggle with shame in any bit of what i do or who i am, unless i'm going through a paranoid fit of sex-repulsion, in which case the only thing i'm really shameful about is having an online presence at all. Sometimes i get paranoid and scared off my ass that i'll never be separated from these fantasies and images, that i'll always be seen as a little, young fucktoy, or that i'm still in addiction and punishing myself and this is all self-harm when i know (in normal states) that it isn't.

Also sooooo glad you're a brat, isn't it so much fun? How am i not supposed to be a bit snarky from time to time and how am i not supposed to obsess over the punishments i'll get? It's always a win win i fucking love being a little piece of shit lollll

#anon #ask #trans nsft #bd/sm community #butch nsft #very vague trigger warnings for this it's just kind of upsetting in some areas

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inlocusmads · 8 months

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Nora | bisexual awareness week '23 q's & a's

A/N: Tagging @choicespride (tysm for the questions!),, Nora's my Crimes of Passion MC who's bi and I have written some stuff (very few, if I might add, which I hope to change) for her, talking about her bisexuality, which you can check out too. (Once I find the goddamn link)

When/how did your OC/MC realise they were bisexual?

Nora realised she was bi in a very gradual way. It wasn't a quick sign from the Gods, rather a step by step process. She didn't put a label to it until after she started dating one of her friends and ever since then, she'd kept it a bit quiet.

Growing up in the 90s and early 2000s where bisexuality was not discussed at length and the LGBTQIA+ community received a lot of general condemnation, Nora never really had a chance to explore the bisexual culture or get to know some queer people herself; outside of her relationship. She didn't realise it was called "bisexuality" until after her then-partner, Stephanie told her so after she realised she liked boys the same way as she liked girls.

Is your OC/MC out? When/how did they come out? To whom?

Nora never had a big coming out ceremony or anything. She understood it and moved on, because for the most part she doesn't have an active social life. But she did come out to Uncle Tommy when she first realised so (he was accepting, ofc) during college and introduced him to Stephanie (which ended up being a terrible decision because they tag-teamed against her)

After college, she went to the police academy to train to be an officer and there, she came out to her friend, Officer Darwick. She obviously did come out to Ruby, Luke and Mafalda once she found the situation apt. It wasn't a huge deal, of course but Nora has had experiences where her telling people she's bi has turned some heads in negative ways. These days, she's careful about disclosing her sexuality.

Who are your OC/MC’s bicons?

Nora doesn't have bi-icons but she had a couple of people in film and TV that made her realise she was bi.

Specifically Kiera Knightley in Bend It Like Beckham (she's watched all the soccer movies), Freddie Mercury, Tomomi Nishimoto, Cynthia Rothrock, Annie Lennox and the main characters of X Files, Dana Scully and Fox Mulder. Nora was a huge TV kid.

Does your OC/MC have any friends/family in the LGBTQIA+ community?

Mafalda, her boss, is queer, who has a wife in canon. They generally get along pretty well; Mafalda, though not invested in Nora's personal life, is definitely somewhat concerned about her wellbeing. Trystan, Nora's partner and is a mild annoyance, is bisexual like her and they have had fun times watching movies, discussing people ("Why is everyone hot?") and other things. Some of Nora's underground friends are also queer, but they are merely informants so they don't really talk about anything besides work and information. And that is about it.

Nora doesn't really talk to people, she's hardly ever on the internet or out on the streets. She might find some people during pride marches or queer clients, but most of them lose touch. Same with her ex-partners as well.

How would your OC/MC describe their sexuality?

"It's like this, all right, yeah? I just don't know how, but I feel like I'm trapped in between two Hozier songs."

How/why did you decide to make your OC/MC bisexual?

It stemmed out of purely selfish reasons - for me to better explore my own identity through Nora since as I do research into her character and write her, I may be able to understand parts of myself as well.

On the other hand, there was this inexplicable truth. Nora would be bisexual. It was one of the first things I jotted down about her character. Literally "I didn't know how her crisis response is, but she definitely likes men and women!" and also because the world might like more disaster bi representation.

Is your OC/MC celebrating Bisexual Awareness Week? How?

Nora leads a very monotonous life and hates getting dressed up in anything other than her usual get-up. But she might be willing to change her clothes for a bit; just her shirt into a nice purple striped one. She might get a different coffee and a nice pastry, for making it through to see another bisexual awareness week and spend her nights watching a bunch of period dramas with Kiera Knightley in it.

Anything else you’d like to share about your OC/MC and/or their identity?

Nora is very quick to develop fondness for people, regardless of gender but she doesn't show it. The moment Trystan attacked her with a serving tray, she was like "Oh shit, okay. Damn. Okay. Fine." - just absolute pandemonium. When Aneesa, her ex-partner marched up to her, blood on her sleeve to file a police complaint, Nora was just bi-panic throughout. She tends to fall a bit in love with people who give off confidence in any way. It could be a TA explaining a concept with such passion in their eyes, or a barista sketching out a name with such expertise.

Another dead giveaway was when she saw Pride and Prejudice with her friends during a movie night in college. As much as she was behind the Darcy x Elizabeth ship, she found it much more appropriate to ship Elizabeth with Caroline Bingley. After the movie, she had a lot of questions to ask herself, including why she had to simply unearth all of Kiera Knightley's movies immediately.

Nora wasn't on good terms with her sexuality when she immediately found it out. Learning about it in the early 00s when there was sparse awareness made her jump to a lot of hurtful conclusions - including how "it could've been a trauma response", because this was just huge. Nora wasn't used to such a huge revelation. She'd had enough of them in her childhood.

Seeing its implications happen right in front of her - homophobia in her college, in workplaces - it wasn't fun. She didn't embrace it until after Stephanie and her broke up (because she was off to med school in a different part of the country and Nora was staying back) and she got to deal with it, in that chunk of time. Later she learned it was yet another fraction of her identity and she didn't have to take it all fast and strong; explore it in her own time and the future needn't be all grim and worrisome. For every hundred queerphobes out there, there was at least one person to have her back and that optimism kept her going forward.

Nora has had literally the most chaotic dating history ever, which is ironic since she's only ever dated three people until she hit her early 30s.

Stephanie Graham went on to become a pathologist, because she found forensic sciences boring. Rowan Greene hopped from being a police officer to a pink rockstar. Aneesa Wang had to say a tearful goodbye after getting framed for a crime she did not commit and Nora had to send her off in a boat to whichever place she preferred; to escape charges. Not once did she get a traditional "break-up" with an argument or anything. Everyone was in such a rush, everyone fell out, everyone just had to leave.

It did leave Nora with some -- protective issues to deal with, which explained why she got the first plane to Drakovia when Trystan was taken away by his family.

Speaking of Trystan, they both come out to each other in the most unexpected way. They're both watching a film in the theatre; Trystan had brought a book with him to judge the adaptation well. Nora's just beyond agitated. They see two people on screen played by quite an attractive man and a very buff woman - essentially the lead actors and they're breathing heavily after a chase scene. Nora cannot keep her eyes away from the screen and Trystan does too and in the end, Trystan is like "Okay, the adaptation is good." Nora doesn't need words to know he's feeling the same jittery bi panic as she does. It's just so pure, it takes them back to when they were teens understanding themselves, it is just the smallest but sincerest acknowledgement of their commonality. That they truly get it.

****

Tysm for reading! Tumblr is glitching like crazy, so I hope this reaches you glitch-free!

#nora rose #bisexual awareness week #choices bisexual awareness week #choicespride

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safety-pin-punk · 11 months

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Bit of a heavy, long-winded and complex question but you seem like the blog to ask (please bare with me here). For some background... I'm 28, neurodivergent, queer, vegan (though returned to eating meat for dietary/health/accessibility reasons), environmentalist... but here's where the heavy part of my question lies:

I recently had to steer myself away from being groomed into alt-right run centrist spaces over the last several years (eg. the "antifa are terrorists", "BLM are racist hypocrites who purchased mansions", "trans youth are being put on hormone blockers by predators" talk, etc etc you get the picture.) A lot of these views are ones that I have re-examined as of late.

Alongside the shame of knowing I had my views so grossly skewed by these people, I worry about my former misinformation or lack of education potentially keeping me from fully re-immersing into the community because some of the things I'm working to unlearn are the kind of things I'd expect to get a "fuck off nazi/-phobe/-ist" response for. Perhaps this is still a bias I hold, that I'll be met with gatekeeping or feel a major whiplash when realizing just how badly the alt-right tried to recruit me, and the knowledge that I need to unlearn a lot of misinformation feels like a barrier that keeps me from connecting with others.

So... kind of a two part question I guess.

1. How do I find resources to better educate myself on punk history and the misinformation about certain movements, while acknowledging my own former biases?

2. How do I overcome the shame of my previously misdirected leanings, and allow myself to re-approach the punk community without feeling ostracised or excluded?

Thank you so much for your resources and support.

Before I get to you're questions, I'd like to take a moment to point something out to other people reading this. A lot of punks, if you met someone like this on the streets, you wouldn't hesitate to call them a poser. But you would be SO SO SO wrong. This person isn't a poser. This person is a victim. This person is SO much more punk than a LOT of people, just by taking their biases into account and wanting to change. Trying to change. Learning to change. Just keep that in mind for the future, punks don't just emerge from the ground being well versed in all the ideology. They have to learn it from somewhere. And typically, they have to override other ideologies that have been taught to them by either parents or other trusted individuals. Especially in this day and age where the internet is an information shit storm.

Okay, now that that is out of the way, onto your specific questions.

I actually have a very good resource for you to check out for your first question. @bfpnola is a good starting place. The Better Future Program is a non-profit that is working to make the world a better place through education. Their Liberation Library is a GREAT resource for what you are looking for. For learning about punk history, me and a few other bloggers have put together a big list of different media to check out (link to post here). It might act as a good starting point for you.

As for your second question, that one is a bit harder. I'll be the first to admit that not every punk is going to be kind or understanding. Because of that, for a while, it probably will feel weird or excluding no matter what. Its like going from a kiddie pool to a high dive, you are getting VERY out of your learned comfort zone. But... it won't always feel like that. Eventually, you'll find your footing and start to feel more at ease in these spaces. The key is to keep learning and keep growing. The more you are in these spaces, the more you will learn. You might make mistakes, and that's okay, you're only human after all. My best advice for you while you explore these spaces and work on bettering yourself, is to just not get involved in political conversations. If you see or hear something that you don't agree with, take a step back before you do anything and ask yourself if its because of a bias you were taught. And you may not always be sure. That's okay. Its a process.

It does sound like you've gone through a lot, and that you are trying very hard to overcome these biases that you've been taught. There's a lot of emotional work required for that, and I think you are very admirable for your willingness to put in that effort and change. I would recommend looking into a therapist as well. Someone to bounce all of this off of. Discuss coping skills with. You might find that it helps you, and you might not. But there's no harm in giving it a go, you might find it can offer some very powerful tools.

#mail tag #heavy topics tw

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