#i wanna know if i read something wrong

[coolestfinch]

There Is Something Wrong With Me

#anyone else feeling fundamentally unloveable today #nothing even happens lol i got rejected . we went on one date #but that date was a rly fun time #& idk. i thought they liked me. #i wanna know if i did anything or if they just don’t like me like that #i wanna know if i read something wrong #my post #vent

[batfamhyperfixation]

Tim: yeah I’m bi

Kon, who has a major crush on Tim and trying to get with him: Oh, I’m bi myself

Oblivious Tim: it’s okay Kon, you don’t need a relationship to be happy

Tim, walking away: Hey Bernard, haven’t seen you in years, how you been, let’s hang out

#sorry timkon fans but I prefer timber and I like to think this is how it all went down #this is by (bi) far the most comedically sound situation to happen and honestly based on how many people seemed to arguably have crushes #on tim without tim realizing this was also the most canon situation to happen like prove me wrong #timbern #timber #I feel bad tagging timkon cause I feel like this is not the timkon content people wanna read in the timkon tag #bi tim drake #tim drake #bernard dowd #kon kent #connor kent #I also know in my bones this exact conversation would happen between Sebastian ives and Tim drake #ives should be recognized more for the potential he has cause that dynamic was such a good one like fr Tim and ives were something else

[shima-draws]

Me: BRO. Can you imagine if Luffy activated Gear 5 2 years earlier at Marineford

AO3: Hey boo I gotchu

Me: AY-YO????

#One Piece #SO GLAD I'm not the only one who got this idea holy shit #Apparently Gear 5 Marineford is a Thing that is actually relatively popular #LOVE that for him tbh. And Ace. Bc he saves Ace with it lmao #Extra angst with Luffy actually dying first before his devil fruit slaps him back to life is also quite brilliant #Luffy's devil fruit squeezing his heart like a squeaky toy: NOT TODAY BITCH #His entire crew suddenly gets a sixth sense and they KNOW #They KNOW something is wrong and that Luffy. Something happened to their captain #But before they can mourn for too long they hear it. The DRUMS BABYYYYYYY #Normally they'd all be too far to hear them but they can :) And everyone around them is like. Uhh #The Strawhats: I can hear them. The drums #Everyone else: ??? What are you talking about are you losing it. You're probably losing it #I need to hold myself back from reading all these fics bc I actually. Gotta finish Marineford first LOL #Don't wanna spoil myself TOO much #Shima speaks

[whenyoulosesmallmind]

Nicklas Bäckström & the Washington Capitals (+ nickeovi) ― Immortality, Clare Harner | insp.

credits: x. x. x. x. x. x. x. x. x. x.

#uh. it has not been done yet right? #because the whole thing was kickstarted by another nicke post with a caption that read something like #“he really did say do NOT weep on my grave you're so annoying” #but i cant find it anymore #edit: found it! tysm @lafragolina <3 #& by association i did not find other edits w nicke and this poem in particular #so i hope i did not rip anyone off -- in case let me know i'll delete #apropos of this poem i don't know how common knowledge it is (i did not know for once but i also do not read poetry that often so) #it is often attribuited to the wrong author one mary elizabeth frye who used to hand out copies of this poem w her name attached to it #she even changed some lines! anyway i linked the wiki article if you wanna check out more info -- its interesting #nicklas backstrom #nicklas bäckström #alexander ovechkin #washington capitals #nickeovi #819 #hockey rpf #hockey poetry

[phant0municorn]

goodbaye 2 dinobot(uninspired) haelooo lucifer<3

#beast wars #transformers #dinoprimal #optimus primal #dinobot #doop #im gonna dump about this au since like excluding the 1-3 and last 2 images like alot of this is almost from like a year ago by now so uh #if ur a FRIEND who has NOT finished beast wars do NOT read im literally gonna ruin some shit 4 u DONT do it. i SWEAR. ok ily bye #maximals and predacons crash land on earth yadda yadda except its 10 times worse they crash land on the wrong time where most of humanity #has already evolved lets say they crash land around 15-16 century or so. idk yet exactly maybe we may never know just know au is gothic #mostly kinda yeah u see op hes a bat and shit but when he was scanning a lifeform while being barely alive because wehn they crashed both #sides almost went up in flames literally and when op was scanning a lifeform he did scan a bat but it was full of parasites and he ended #up scanning those as well. hes like yeah hes a vampire but like not an actual one but just as scary since energon isnt as abundant as time #goes on on earth and its scarce op needs more of it or else he goes feral he has 2 eat the protoforms kinda. lucifer doesnt defect immediat #ely uhh idk if i might make this like a visual novel or something one day if i have the time or energy after a project im alredy working on #well see ok thanks bye #i also wanted 2 redesign db because it always kinda bothered me how like its just him in some western get up. i wanna commit more 2 it and #now hes a diamondback rattle snake(not sure if i want 2 specify eastern or western idk if it matters really) and op kinda like has more of #flea mouth but rins mouth is canon 2 they can coexist<3 ok now byebye #oops made it up on the spot last minute i hate doing refs but the top of lucifers head is his snake skull #i keep forgetting sm shit but also why do they fight whats the point. in the crash both golden discs were destroyed. theyre pissed off as #hell if im going down im taking u with me

[pothospant]

his default recall is so cool..........

#not me arts tag #ive never used his default skin so i didnt even know what it looked like until now....ough #i wish u could mix and match sounds or recalls with skins................ #i honestly forget half the time hes supposed to be like. Cool and Suave and a Competent Badass #because my brain is always like. god hes so small and floppy and will die if you breathe on him wrong #also hes always crying and breathing heavily in my ear so im just like. poor guy #he should be at the bed taking a nap not fighting....... who made him fight.... stop that he doesnt belong on the battle field #he might be a badass hitman or smth but my brain is like #this is just a sad theatre kid who took gymnastics #''aphelios how is your assassin training going'' aphelios who has only been reading the acrobatics textbook: my what #is there anyone still reading these tags. hi there #i have a lot of thoughts on him. im very obsessed with his animations #like he has a laugh animation for every weapon....... #all the various weapon animations... #maybe the real reason we wont have a legendary for 10 more years is all the animating they have to do #i mean his base animations are so good id honest be like OK if they reused them #cant rly do much better than already Top Tier animations #unless we get an alune legendary..... #hope alune is super awesome and badass and all the aphelios voicelines are a really shy awkward guy or smth #like you look so cool and awesome fighting and the whole world doesnt know ur listening to a lil guy in your brain the whole game #the contrast would be very funny methinks #if anyones still reading this. yes i know riot made up some reason about budget or whatever for voices #but i choose to believe aphelios is head empty no thoughts and thats why he doesnt talk to alune #(STILL GOOFY OF A REASON... lots of VAs can do both genders of voices.... like. what about kindred and kayn....) #then again wouldnt be surprised if they were overbudget on the animations but still smh my head into oblivion #can relate to a guy who simply doesnt wanna talk #(said after 10000 tags of talking to myself) #i should really put my thoughts onto a separate post or blog or something #anyways have i mentioned i think hes really cute

[seariii]

hmm...

#vent post #seari talks #i feel a little scared... just thinking about the stuff i need to do... and i got a message that i cant answer on my own and the person who #i need the answer from wasnt... helpful... i dont know what to say now... i should say i'll look into it or something... but... #sigh... the whole situation is difficult since i have to... *big sigh* fuck... #if this goes wrong... will they blame me? what will happen to me?... i did ask back in the day... i have the messages... so technically im #safe but... sigh... how stressful... #and i have to check all of this other stuff too... #... i dont like this... i so dont like this... but its okay its gonna be okay... its just the beginning that its scary but once we actually #start running everything will get easier and easier and more comfortable and.... sigh... #for now... lets do what we- fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck who sent me a message fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck #i dont wanna open the message #*checks* okay everything will be okay... everything will be okay.... yes... *sigh* #IM OKAY EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY!!!! #i just have to focus on the matters at hand. i reported this so its gonna get reviewed now. and what i need to do is this other thing... #and study i have to do that too... and read that too... okay thats not difficult ive got this

[frobby]

i need to heal my inner child blue exorcist fan that read 1 million evil yukio fanfics by writing 1 million evil rin fanfics

#Join me over here guys #Also this is a joke #Well not the evil yukio fics that part is real #But rin isnt really evil more 'came back wrong' #I like putting Yukio in situations where he realizes he doesnt know his brother at all #Anyway ive been reading aono kun so that's the reason for the resurfacing of wrong rin in my mind #Eventually ill publish something lmao #I have a chapter written of my multichapter fic but i wanna get chapter 2 done but i got stuck #So its just been sitting there #Just in case my words get taken out of context #I love rin and hes a good boy #I just think it could be interesting if ue was more fucked up #Blue exorcist #yukio okumura #rin okumura

[the-magpie-archives]

Daisy and Basira's relationship is such a sweet agony, because at its foundation it's so transparent, so honest. They both know what they're doing, however much they pretend to lie or hide it. Such is the situation they're in that there's no choice but to cling to eachother.

Have you ever been in that sort of situation? The type where the closest person to you is deeply morally flawed and you're realising just how in the wrong you are, but their hand is the only one to grasp. You see the claws along their fingertips and you turn your head and hold them close.

On many occasions Basira talks about the wrong Daisy's done, she knows where Daisy's kill spot is, she figured that's where Jon would be. And yet she never tries to convince everyone that she's capable of fixing daisy, because she knows she's not. Daisy knows this just as well, and perhaps it's a foundation of their trust.

To be loved is to be changed but to be changed is to be hated; a relationship where you accept each others flaws is a commodity, and a rare one at that. Whether those flaws are mundane or deeply damaging, these kinds of connections have a tendancy to grow beyond the point of return.

To know that you're in the wrong together is a comfort. It's not good, nor is it right, but it's a place you can sit. A place you can stay. And as your comfort grows so does that leeching wrongness you protect, and in the end it may just eat you up.

To continue the way Daisy and Basira did was what drove them towards their end, but even at that last painful moment there was a tenderness, a rose in the thorns that makes the wounds worthwhile.

#I know a lot of people struggle with Daisy as a character because a lot of her traits are really triggering which is totally valid #But she's just stunningly written and her connection to Basira is painfully beautiful #Exploring sapphic love in a wrong‚ bloodied‚ awful‚ painful way is something that's so important... #And even if you don't ship them just that connection #Even the most evil people have beauty to their lives and that's one of the reasons so many folks are swept up into bad ways #But regardless of the meaning of her story I do love Daisy #(and of course I'm obsessed with Basira but I feel like that goes without saying) #tma #the magnus archives #the magnus institute #daisy tonner #basira hussain #jonathan sims #tma analysis #tw blood #tw horror #tw toxic relationship #tw violent imagery #Reading all of this back I'm realising some of it probably doesn't make any sense but I'm too tired to fix it #Do message me if there's any of it you wanna discuss or feel should be changed 😌

[liquidstar]

listen ive read a lot of fucked up manga, like, everything from uzumaki to oyasumi punpun to blood on the tracks. and generally they dont really fuck me up all too much. despite how harrowing all those examples are i dont feel like i get /too/ twisted up inside. or disturbed on, like, a fundamental level. but for some reason "inside mari" fucked me up. its not "scary", or the deepest, and its not even a series i would overall recommend to most but... for some reason after reading it i had like full on dissociative episodes for a few days. i dont know what about it got to me so much, because at its base nothing in it "scared" me- it's not a horror! its a psychological deep dive, a body swap story with a twist on a twist. i dont know what about it messed with me and i wish i could figure it out because i feel like there has to be a reason. but i literally dont know

#showing up to a therapy session and having them read inside mari so they can explain whats wrong with me #i cannot stress enough though that this is probably just me. this isnt a recommendation of the work itself #i dont think itll have that effect on most #i first read it based on knowing some off shuzo oshimi's other stuff and being slightly interested in the concept of like #a psychological deconstruction of one of those body swap fantasy things. well it delivered on that front certainly #but i have critiques. i dont wanna get tooo into my thoughts tho #lest i have a revelation or something

[neon-glowing-rainbow-stims]

Posts here will likely be on hiatus for a couple weeks as I finish up the semester <3 I'll be back soon enough!

#not aesthetic #not stim #txt #txt post #I wanna build up a big ol queue for next semester because. Well. #Next semester is fixing to be... uh... course-heavy... and I probably won't have time to make new stuff for... well. a while... #But I still want a steady queue to come out even if I don't have time to make new gifs #because I wanna be able to check on the new comments and responses every couple days or so! #They brings me insurmountable amounts of joy #And... it's really nice to have the responses to read when schoolwork is overwhelming me and getting me down #Not to be a downer on here #Just... in a sea of things I'm doing wrong or doing late... it's nice to know that there's something I can do right #And do well. And that brings joy to people #Er-- well I didn't mean to spew all that into these tags. #I just wanted to say I love this blog and its niche community. And gif-making brings me so much joy #Thank you everyone who likes my silly little images <3 #I'll be back soon

[puppyeared]

Based on this

@poicyss

#I feel like he would do this as a joke that lands wrong LMAO. like yes telling my child i bought them at Kmart is Average Joke Behaviour #drawing his head is so hard because I wanna make his hair fluffy but I don’t want the head shape to look weird orz #side angles make me wanna cry but I love him too much to know that I’m not gonna give up lol 💪 it’s about that DEDICATION BABY #I can probably count on two hands how many times I’ve tagged you in something bow 🙇‍♀️ but you must see the sillies they are so. clenches f #Augusta would make the jokes that you could probably pick out as false. like oh did you know we stay on the ground because everything has #glue on it or that the moon is made of cheese. anton would probably try to copy her and make jokes like buying babies at Walmart #but he doesn’t know the line between silly and existential crisis LOL #they’re both dumb somebody help them #I’m making a carrd page for my ocs and it’s cathartic getting everything out and then reading it over and over again. like yes this is the #oc lore.. most of it is just stories I have in my head and stuff that I rotate in my brain constantly and this includes Themb #my art #myart #my oc #friend oc #Anton #Vincent #Calvin and Hobbes #doodles #starshadow

[luigis-mogai-mansion]

Im so fucking tired of allistic people man...

They always present like 2 choices for you and go on for days about how they understand either choice, they won't judge you no matter what you pick and how they'll be fine regardless then act all disappointed and whiney when you make that choice and they didn't get the answer they wanted.

I'm sorry, how was I supposed to know that was the wrong choice™️. If you wanted me to do something why didn't you say it. I don't care about all your little social shit, be honest with me. I didn't choose based on your wants when I don't know what you want. I made the "selfish" choice despite everyone around me saying they supported my decision and totally understood. Then I'm the bad guy. For making a choice. That I was assured over and over again that I wasn't going to be judged for.... I'm so tired of this... I'm so tired of allistic people setting these fucking landmines for me. Like they enjoy my suffering. I always get fucking burned in these situations. I can either just do what I think they want with varying response or I can be honest and unmask and do what I think is best for me then they all collectively sigh and look away like Im the disappointment...

If it's not truly safe, don't fucking tell me I'm safe. If I truely won't be judged, don't judge me. If I can't safely unmask, don't tell me to be myself and make my own choices. Even allistic people who had no fucking skin in this game judged me. I chose the option that was best for me and now I'm the villain. Again. Fuck allistic people man, fuck those wishy-washy judgey ass people.

#clover speaks #clover vents #its ok they said just do whats best for you they said #and my dumbass was just like yeah sure 😚 and now im looked at like a monster for taking a choice they gave me #and encouraged me to take! ill support you no matter what my ass #it makes me feel so fucking unsafe in my chocies like a fucking saw trap #its always multiple choice questions and nothinge ever seems like the right choice #they are always wrong and everyone always despises me abit afterwards #even when i know i didnt do anything wrong i didnt hurt anyone and i made a chocie for me #its all supports and i love yous and its oks up until the tism comes back out and i get the cold shoulder #i get the look aways and the silence #they know they are hurting me and they dont care about the betrayal i feel over being basically lied to #i know its your choice but i felt like- ok then why didnt you say anything BEFORE I MADE THE CHOICE #FUCK ALLISTIC PEOPLE IM SO FUCKING TIRED OF THEIR QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS GAMES THAT MAKE ME LOOK HORRIBLE FOR NO REASON #IM SORRY I DIDNT READ YOUR EXPRESSION ITS ALMOST LIKE I HAVE A MODERATE MENTAL DISABILITY THAT PREVENTS ME FROM RWADING EXPRESSIONS #i just wanna say or do something right and they always judge me no matter what #im never safe around these people because everything is always watched and judged according to their morals and what they would choose #as if their morals are superior to mine because they are fine with throwing themselves at trains over nothing and im kot #fuck allistic people man #im so stupid for believing them and thinking this time ill be safe... #im never safe i will never be safe #im always so scared of looking like a stone faced unfeeling monster who dosent love anyone or anything and they always make me into it #no matter what i do or how much i try to express it #i feel things i love people im not a robot #this hurts so much... #sorry for the total lack of context but you dont need any #i dont want or need any more allistic judgement

[vhgr]

what do you mean the hightower is taller than the wall

#WHAT #what s up with oldtown and everything about it #the tower is built atop a structure the origin of which no one knows #it's taller than the wall #its fire somehow gets green in times of war #some say it's wildfire but that requires spells #so #again #a mystery #every time i learn something about it and its house i get more confused #i wanna see the interior of that thing #im assuming it's a proper home if the hightowers live in it #unless im reading margaery's quote wrong #walking up and down that thing must be torture #hightowers must have legs for dies #thighs that kill confirmed #who the hell is in charge of going up there to keep the flame going and change its color #AAAAA

[roomy-ghosted]

I think someone needs to say it.

The JRWI fandom as a whole has a lot of issues with gender roles the expression of ones self. More specifically towards the guys with longer hair. Which is what I'm talking about the most. Characters that are the core example of this are characters like Gillian, Kian and Ashe. The latter two moreso. Both of these characters are canonically cis men with long hair, yet both are consistently headcanonned as transfem. And whilst I literally headcanon Ashe with he/she pronouns (prefferring he mostly though) I really want to make a point of what I'm going to say.

And I'm making a point of saying this now that: I don't have any fucking issues with transfem headcanons. In fact, there's several that I have and several that I see that I adore. Mostly they're outside of this fandom, both are examples of story and for fun:

Hunter from the Owl House is one. It adds so much to the character when you add breaking free and seperation from the control of your abusers, self expression that they can show once free of their uncle. It drives a really nice narrative which works so beautifully for their character. Transfem Hunter is an interesting thing to look into, especially with the issues they have with having longer hair but how having longer hair is always percived as something a girl has. It works so well as a narrative and could be such an interesting thing writers and artists alike can look into.

Another is my one that is literally just for fun. It's Scott Pilgram. It's purely from a piece of fanart I saw that derrives from the 'im in lesbians with you' line said in the comics and film and it's such an interesting take as well. Even though it's one that's just for a silly, I can imagine so many in-depth takes and conflict that could happen in Scott's mind because of this and who they are as a person. As well as the tale told in the film being one of self acceptance and the baggage that carries through in relationship.

Now my massive reasoning for why I'm not against transfems as a whole and people shouldn't butcher me and call me transphobic (because yeah, transphobic trans people exist-) is out of the way, I can get to what I actually want to say:

All the time I see folks headcanoning these canonically beautiful boys as transfem. And whilst that's cool and all, I feel like we should actually look at why we're headcanoning these characters with long hair this way. It feels like it's almost enforcing typical gender roles, that pretty boys with long hair are women. And that's just not the case.

It's gotten to the point that people outside of the fandom think and even sometimes go into PD thinking Ashe is canonically a girl. And whilst yes, popular headcanons exist in all fandoms (see Tubbo with horns in the DSMP fandom) that they leak into the mainstream, it's gotten to the point of where I'm starting to think peoples brains really do just link: boy with long hair = girl all the time. All the time I see people basically going 'boy + long hair = you're a girl now' pretty much and the ammount of just dysphoria that gives me as someone who wants to dress more feminine and grow out his hair long after he starts T is driving me insane.

It enforces a lot of particular gender roles when you're deciding that anyone with long hair is a woman. that they're girly. That they're just that. A girl. And I've seen ages ago (when I was much younger so I don't remember the fandoms) people do the same with women with short hair. Women who are buff and strong and don't have traditionally 'girly' frames. Just instantly making them men. It's kinda fucked but a lot of people don't think the same when It's about men, do they?

You never see extremely masc presenting characters headcanonnoned this way.

Never Rolan Deep, who you could say having this hidden 'monster' inside of him is an analogy for being in the closet, about sexuality or even gender. About not knowing a part of yourself and then seeing others 'express' themselves (murder and maim and kill) in a way that makes you realise something about yourself that you're not who you thought you were in life. That you've been repressing this part of you, that you've discovered this part of you, that feels so weird and foreign that even now you decide to try and push it down, to pretend to be yourself.

Not Ryan, and his very heavy masculinity, how he engages in frat culture and how that can effect a someone's psyche. And how he plays sports and is very traditionally a 'boy'

And you don't see people headcanoning Mark fucking Winters as Transfem. A large, muscularly built person with facial hair.

It's always the folks who are more lithe, lanky, skinny canonically. Always the people who have long hair and are just pretty. Always them.

And I'm just wondering why?

This post isn't anything to start discourse. It isn't asking for you to 'fight back' against what I said with even more content of this sort of stuff. It's just asking for you to stop and think for a second. As to why it's always these pretty boys with long hair that you're thinking are femminine. That's all.

I think my desire to talk about this has been sparked a little more with someone using she/her pronouns for Sylnan in the jrwi-kiss bracket. Sylnan's very masc in apperance, although has long hair like my point, so it did make me curious about that person's headcanons and why they think that. There's another person on ao3 who headcanons Rand as using she/he pronouns and whilst that's not my cup of tea I still am a little curious as to why, as a lot of this fandom does just present very 'femme' or pretty looking guys as transfem.

And I'm welcome to other people's opinions on the matter. I'm welcome to open discussion. I will say though that I find it very hard to disscern tone over text with people I don't know well and that I'd appriciate if you state things such as the fact that you don't mean it argumentativly and such if that is the case. That we're talking civally. I've been attacked a lot over minor things in past fandoms, hell, I even got called racist randomly in THIS fandom for just mentioning colour theory in art styles and how colour picking source art for skintone might not work for your art style. Which, when you think about it, is moreso calling Wyvern racist, if anything. So please just make sure you mention your tone or even use indicators or brackets.

Also going to say: when talking about characters on this post, if you usually headcanon them as she/her or using she/her pronouns, if it's in the context of your headcanon and we're not talking about the canon character seperately (as fanon an canon are completely seperate), I'd appriciate if you use they/them for the characters. I will follow in suit when talking about fandom interations of characters as well. As I have done litearlly throughout this post. It's moreso out of respect for eachother and our personal headcanons, if anything.

#just roll with it #jrwi #im not tagging it as discourse if anyone asks because if you think it's discourse it's not. it's me pointing something out #it literally isn't discourse. #ashe winters #as they're talked about a lot in this and is the main offender #this talk can be applied to literally every fandom. but im in jrwi right now and i see it so much. #I AM a little scared posting this. as I know that like- I could just be headhunted and hounded if people take what I'm saying the wrong way #and don't stop and think about the point I'm making #as I adore this fandom; they're so diverse and accepting of everything and do point out flaws in the source content #but still adore and love the content as a whole. #And I love makign content for the fandom. a lot. I adore it a lot. And I don't wanna have to stop because the fandom took something wrong. #but this is a thing that's been bugging me and a friend recently. Her a lot longer. I think it's been bugging him for a while- #and I just really wanna get it out there. #and yeah. #its not me saying 'stop doing this' and more of me saying 'think about what you're doing for a second.' #like I said I headcanon Ashe as he/she (transmasc ways). But the ammont of just she/her Ashe headcanons are everwhere. #and you go to read fanfic and they're just. always a girl. Always. Never he/she. never just he. #always just she/her (transfem ways) ashe. #everwhere. #Gill is not as common of an offender but my friend kept mentioning them and I had to mention them as well.

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by

#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about #but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were #and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat #as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like #a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain #it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot #i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds #i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh #political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore #they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get #but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk #i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers #here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now #it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths #i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how #burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that #i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up #could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan? #to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me #coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage #you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao #i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now #bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will #i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail #also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e #no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it #i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course #idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do #anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand #shai speaks