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emailsquid · 6 months

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i think sumi is a rlly good inversion of akechi actually.

akechi hides his true self by being pleasant and agreeable, and sumi tries to do much the same. for akechi, its because he feels like revealing his true self will hinder his goals, and fears the retribution. for him the adopted personality is a curse he has to endure to get what he wants.

sumire is essentially forced to abandon her true self, but at her own desire. freedom from the burden of being herself is her end goal, working in the complete opposite direction to akechi.

between them is akiren, who strikes a balance between them. he never tries to abandon his true self, its able to come out in the metaverse and at times with morgana and the thieves. at the same time, he uses the same people pleaser tactics as the others whenever he talks to anyone, even the thieves. he seems comfortable with both though, happy to wear different masks in social situations but not wanting to shun his true self.

i think sumire's reaction to maruki revealing the truth is by far her best character moment. she's revealed to have such strong self hatred she'd prefer to just. not exist. and this doesn't go away, evem after rank 10, since if you take maruki's deal kasumi doesn't come back, sumire just becomes kasumi again (this kind of assumes that maruki's happiness thing takes into account the extremness of her self hatred, since it's not like anyone else transforms into someone else in his reality)

much like he takes away sumire's self hatred, maruki's deal removes akechi's external anger, turning him into the facsimile he acted as. maruki can't allow akechi's true anger and bitterness and trauma, so akechi's true self, that he wants to be, becomes that pleasant outward demeanour.

to conclude i guess i think sumire and akechi are good vessels to explore hatred, societal expectations and self acceptance. akechi cannot be himself because of his hatred, and how that conflicts with societies expectations. personal thoughts on societal and interpersonal expectations cause sumire to hate being sumire, and prevent her from accepting herswlf. (wow its the theme of the game. no way. sometimes p5 is coherent).

this is what sets them apart from the other thieves, who have generally accepted who they are and the fact that they will not fit into society in a conventional way. the royal trio forgo being themselves in order to fit more easily into society, letting society's expectations mold them into a shape that fits for their role.

this commentary would probably go deeper if i had more confidence and understanding on japanese societal norms, but from what i understand this seems relevant to japanese culture's collectivist tendencies, with regards to supressing your personality to fit in.

#persona #persona 5 #p5 spoilers #persona 5 spoilers #goro akechi #sumire yoshizawa #kasumi yoshizawa #akira kurusu #ren amamiya #its 5am and im rambling i hope this makes some kinda sense #been doing royal brainrot #as you do #squid emails

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mueritos · 1 month

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its crazy how coming into clinical social work, i really just thought I was up against systems and cycles of trauma....but it turns out i'm up against those two things AND other therapists. the amount of work spent correcting mistakes from other clinicians--whether with clients or during the classroom--is fucking crazy.

i totally get we're all on different journeys in terms of being clinicians. but it is insane finding out day after day of therapists and clinicians saying the worst things ever to clients. demeaning them, telling them "it's all in their head", the racism and the ableism and harm that is caused. like no fucking wonder people are afraid to seek therapy (on top of the accessibility issues). while i'm a little biased and think that at the very least clinical social work training focuses on viewing people within their environments (so not engaging in the medical/individualist models of practice that a lot of counseling programs focus on), that doesn't mean it gives every person the skills to be an effective therapist. i'm also not saying i'm the best clinician ever--I'm literally in training--but boy! it is jarring seeing how some of my peers interact in class and wondering...is that how you are with your clients??

my social work program at the very least also has a focus on anti-racism, but i know students from other programs and some of them don't even mention racism AT ALL and focus entirely on diagnosing people "correctly", or finding the perfect form of therapy to use on a client. but man, what none of these programs teach are basic life skills. wanting to be a clinician isn't enough, especially considering that an inhumane amount of people in my program are 1. so nervous about making mistakes that they lose scope of their practice 2. have so much internalized racism/white guilt to work thru 3. or they have absolutely no listening skills.

again, im not trying to make it seem like I am the number 1 clinician in the world ever. I don't even have a psych background or bachelor's in social work. my reasons for going into social work are quite selfish (I want a job that is very flexible, easily transferable, and can be done in different contexts), and the helping people part is just a plus. i'm just saying it's very jarring seeing other people in training and realizing they too are working with clients. i have conversation after conversation about these issues with other BIPOC/queer/marginalized clinicians, so I know i'm not the only person worried about some of the people that will be out of this program in a few years practicing on their own or with vulnerable populations.

#muerto talks #just rambling #maybe im just a hater virgo with a strong sense of justice #i am just forever perplexed #learning that some of my classmates believe that you can be racist to white people is crazy #learning that some of my classmates are rude and dismissive to BIPOC students but they work in BIPOC communities #learning that some of my classmates weaponize their mental illnesses as an excuse to act shitty to professors classmates or clients is craz #there are zionists??? trying to be social workers??????#i literally have classes with zionists #some people r doing a whole ass career change because they had a spiritual calling to help people??#again not saying im such a great clinician im in training just like the rest of my program #but you cannot like tell me to even try to be hopeful about some of the people who will be my collegues in a year #because i have no hope for them #and its going to take making serious mistakes for them to maybe snap out of it #and that fucking sucks #nothing in my body feels safe around those people #like idc maybe im an elitist with impossible standards #maybe im the one asking too much from these people.....#the cognitive dissonance is real in these people man

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human-for-tonight · 1 month

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the thing about watcher is I think buzzfeed unsolved fucked them over. both in terms of numbers but also in terms of output. if you go to buzzfeed unsolved network and sort by popular, you have to scroll past 84 videos before you get below 10mil views. and a lot of those are 5-7 years old, so those are numbers they would've been looking at when deciding to break off from buzzfeed (the first watcher video was posted 4 years ago). they thought they could get big numbers without constantly churning out videos, because that's what they'd gotten with buzzfeed unsolved. and I'm sure they adjusted their projected numbers to account for people not following over to the new channel, but I doubt they predicted their top videos would be in the 8mil views range (which is still a lot, but not what they had pulled in the past).

so they aren't getting old buzzfeed unsolved numbers, but that's okay! look at the try guys - they aren't putting up millions of views every video and they're able to have a company with a decent amount of employees. and this is where the output issue comes in. between their main channel and their various podcasts, try guys is putting out 5 videos a week, with 2 being main channel videos. watcher is putting out 3 with 1 being a main channel video. plenty of people who have been making videos for a while have talked about the youtube grind and the algorithm - there's a reason daily vlogs and content houses got so big. and watcher didn't want to do that grind. from the beginning they've said they want to do seasons of shows. which is feasible! again, this is something try guys does with without a recipe. but the difference is try guys has quick and cheap videos they can put out in between and concurrently with those big shows that help support them. eat the menu is their best example of this because it gets big numbers. watcher doesn't really have filler videos.

to further the try guys comparison, buzzfeed unsolved limited the type of content fans were looking for in a way try guys was never limited because trying new things is a really fucking broad category. try guys was always more about the people than the specific thing they were trying. obviously a lot of fans of watcher like ryan and shane (and to a lesser extent steven, based on how many people are blaming him specifically for this). but I'm sure there were also people only watching because they liked true crime and/or ghost hunting content, which makes it harder to branch out and retain ghost files numbers on their other shows.

overall, they thought they could be buzzfeed with just unsolved, and that's not how youtube works and now it's fucking them over that they got too ambitious too fast

#watcher #apologies for how long and ramble this got i hope it makes any sense #i think watcher should've tried to enter some aort of partnership with try guys mythical etc aka a youtube production company #with a bit more experience that is also more stable #exposing myself as a trypod listener because everyone is (reasonably) comparing watcher to dropout #but i think try guys is a better comparison of where watcher is going wrong #also if you are only criticizing steven please reflect on why only him #i obviously dont know the finances but i would imagine him shane and ryan are getting paid similar amounts #he is not evil just because he decided to spend it on a tesla #and he did not make this decision on his own and force everyone else to go along with it

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camels-pen · 4 months

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the difference between zosopp and sanuso (romantic OR platonic) is that Usopp is Zoro's specialest little guy and Zoro is someone Usopp hangs out with and looks up to and hides behind when things get scary, but Sanji and Usopp are best friends. They horse around, they beat each other up, they confide their worst fears trying to one up each other. Usopp hides behind Sanji sometimes, sure, but idk, Sanji's weaknesses are more obvious (bugs, fighting women, etc) so there are times when Usopp has to stand in front of Sanji too, yknow?

Like, how do I say this, all the crewmates are equal- Usopp and Zoro are equals- but with Sanji it feels like more... comradery? Zoro's a rock in a terrible storm- even rocks tend to get weathered and chipped and worn down, but they overall stay strong and steady. He has trouble being vulnerable and there are times when the burden he's placed on himself to keep the crew safe is crushing his chest. Usopp would help with that and be very understanding, but the point I'm trying to get with that is that those moments are few and far between. So I feel like Usopp, especially after Water 7, would take Zoro's lead on something like that, and keep most of his worries to himself or only talk about them sparingly unless they're really bad and/or he can't hide them.

Sanji is like a tree in a storm; he can be strong, yes, but it feels like he bends and sways with the storm, and has more obvious breaking points. He can relate more to Usopp's struggles rather than resorting to blunt honesty that might border on callous like Zoro. And while, with Zosopp, I tend to think of scenarios with Zoro being blunt like that as a good thing- because sometimes when you're spiraling, it's nice to have someone say exactly what's great about you and shoot down all your worries with straight facts that you can't argue with- I can also see this as being a bad thing. Anxiety can really twist up your brain sometimes, you know? And despite the words, the tone could still mess someone up if they're already feeling like a burden on others in some way.

With Sanuso it's a lot more understanding and thoughtful words. It's distractions and comfort food and patience- the kind reserved for Usopp- until Usopp talks about whatever's troubling him. Compared to Zosopp, it doesn't take as long for Usopp to open up, since he's done the same thing to Sanji at times and it's more familiar to him to talk and commiserate with Sanji about his worries and doubts and such. However, there are times stuff like this has absolutely no effect and Sanji will end up at a loss, no idea what to do or how to help over the course of several days with Usopp being quiet and keeping his distance, and he'll end up working himself up about it which will only serve to make Usopp feel worse and. yeah. bit of a vicious cycle with them.

So it's like. Usopp can be weak with both of them, but since I see Sanji as the type of guy who'd be more open with his worries (at least compared to Zoro), there's less of a need to 'perform' and be his best self around him. He's comfortable around Zoro, yes, but he is constantly wanting to show that he won't be a problem to him. On the other hand, while he's more open with Sanji, and Sanji with him, they tend to relate a bit too much with each other and they both have issues with causing trouble for others and being 'deserving of love' so failed attempts at consoling one hurts the other and creates an unpleasant cycle of misery and avoidance before some other crewmate (Zoro) tells them to quit being stupid and just fucking talk to each other.

#one piece #sanuso #zosopp #long post #nemotime #does this make sense or is this the ramblings of a person who's only got 3 hrs sleep #bc thats me. 3 hrs sleep. ugh #listen okay its like. zosopp has their own growing pains to get through yknow? zoro will eventually get the whole #'oh usopp isnt as open with me bc he wants to seem tough and is also kind of doing the same thing i do. thats bad for him'#and it'll be a whole thing about making a promise between the two of them to try and be more honest with their fears and seeking help #when they need it #the sanuso thing is like. i hope i didnt mean to make it seem like sanuso is 'better' or w/e bc its just a different thing #sanuso got their own problems to sort out. 1. Sanji's everything 2. boundaries on special treatment-#i'm not gonna go seriously into this but both relationships start out not the best and get better over time yknow #also i know usopp's afraid and freaking out a lot but for this post i meant his deeper fears and insecurities #not 'i've got can't-go-on-this-island disease' lmao #the tl;dr of this post is: Usopp is more closed off with Zosopp. Usopp and Sanji have similar issues that cause problems with Sanuso.#also the way i see these ships will probably change at some point. who knows #there was a post i saw recently that was like 'hey sanuso bc romance trio were already chill with each other so sanuso became chill with #each other in an 'alone together' type of way and also they have the same issues' and i thought 'wow so true bestie' and here we are #also. man. usopp taking on / copying the behaviours of his loved ones regardless of his age is just. my jam. in a positive or negative way #maybe i'll make a post about that explaining it more. maybe

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spinjitsuburst · 3 months

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ramble about ur favs i wanna hear abt ur thoughts -zaptrap

HAN’S INFODUMPING ABOUT JAY... START!!!!

so like sgdkdhdkdhd I say Jay and Lloyd are my “favorites” but honestly it’s so hard to pick favorites out of this skittles squad like I love EVERY character for a variety of different reasons. I was going to also infodump about Lloyd but then I started talking about Prime Empire and then this post got. Long. So. it's just Jay I may infodump about Lloyd another day especially since I'm very Conduit Brained Rn but yea yea!

this is long so i'm putting most of it under the cut so y'all don't kill me for making a huge long post

I considered putting Zane and Sora on here as well since I’d also consider them my “favs” but like this is already gonna be. A lot of. Infodumping (also i typed THIS part before I even started and decided not to yell about Lloyd because this already got long enough). Maybe I’ll make a separate post for those two hmm hmm much to consider but for now MY (technically) FAVORITE NINJAGO CHARACTER: JAY WALKER

THE SPARKPLUG WHO INVADED MY BRAIN LIKE A PARASITE

so hey his name is a pun this makes me laugh ridiculously hard every time I remember he is named. After a misdemeanor HSKSHDKFH

Jay is such an interesting case of a character for me because I started out the show not liking him. Which is. Stares at my entire account I think my feelings have changed somewhat

Jay starts out as an asshole I don’t think anyone can disagree with me there (although honestly they’re all assholes in early ninjago they bullied a ten year old and left him dangling several feet off the ground) but over the course of the show you can see him start developing into a much more interesting character. He goes from being so insecure he's faking everything about himself to someone who knows who he is and is so genuine about it

now yea we could argue about whether his character was too uwu-ified post-season 10 but this is the FUN HAN POST SO WE'RE NOT GONNA TALK ABOUT THAT the point is you can SEE the growth that Jay has gone through and I am going to show you that growth through what I call

✨ The Skybound to Prime Empire Effect ✨

I AM SO PASSIONATE ABOUT THE IDEA THAT PRIME EMPIRE WAS WRITTEN TO BE A DIRECT PARALLEL OF SKYBOUND AND WAS CENTERED ON SHOWING HOW THE NINJA ESPECIALLY JAY HAVE GROWN THROUGHOUT THE SEASON

when season 12 rolls around we are at the point in Jay's development where he is CONFIDENT in who he is. He's a fun-loving jokester with the power of lightning and the drive to help people whenever he can. He uses jokes and humor to help alleviate tension and get people through whatever's happening. And when on his own what does he do?

BECOME AN ENTERTAINER BABEY

i like to think jay's club in prime empire was a safe haven for anyone stuck in the game who figured out hey. we Can't Leave and felt freaked about it. Also Jay would generally try and spread the word that hey something ISN'T RIGHT HERE which would lead people to want to stay with him

(totally plugging my friend's fic but this kind of thing is explored in would you like to enter prime empire by @finn-m-corvex y'all should check it out cool cool)

also the prime empire shorts which i watched all of in the midst of typing this video cuz i love them go watch them please please please jay was publically fighting the red visors which I imagine may have raised some red flags for some players

THIS SOMEHOW TURNED INTO PRIME EMPIRE INFODUMPING LMAO ANYWAYS Jay's confident! He becomes an entertainer because it's who he knows he is! And it's something that will get people hyped and having fun, which is very in-character for Jay to do! He uses those kinds of things to mask the Bad Things going on and get people remembering what's good

I've talked about this sort of thing before but that's Jay's whole philosophy as early as season 9! Which is a DIRECT contrast to how he views it in season 6, as Nadakhan puts it scarily accurately

"You make jokes to mask the fact that you're afraid"

(i was gonna grab a screenshot for that like i did with the hunted scene but netflix has bloCKED THE ABILITY TO TAKE SCREENSHOTS THE WAY I USED TO and i don't have them already and i'm too lazy to grab them from elsewhere so alas trust me he says it)

making jokes to hide your fear and using humor to remind yourself of what's good and coping with the bad are two VERY different outlooks on it

so I think this outlook is what drives him to make this glamrock persona in the first place - this is a bad situation, one he's in with other civilians, and what better way to keep him and themself safe until the others get there than throwing a big performance at a safe place!

also it's just so gender okay I want to look like Superstar Rockin' Jay so badly

it's also interesting to see his outlook on his parents change over time! In season six he finds out Ed and Edna aren't his birth parents and feels upset about it, not understanding why his birth parents would've abandoned him. In season twelve, that outlook changing is EXACTLY why Jay's able to get through to Unagami

"I was abandoned by my parents, too!... I never understood why, and I never had the chance to even ask. But I always hoped there was a good reason. What if there's a reason?"

(again curse you netflix i wanted SCREENSHOTS whatever whatever)

It's this scene that gets Unagami to calm down long enough for Milton Dyer to get there, and presumably is what stops him from just. Flattening him and Jay like a pancake.

to piggyback off of this i absolutely adore how Unagami and Jay consider each other adopted brothers in that one book I still haven't read and I hope he's in Dragons Rising at some point Unagami is my favorite "villain" (no longer a villain) in the whole show he deserves more screentime

like this is where i found out about this and it's plagued my mind ever since. i need to read. this book just for them

SO YEA OKAY Prime Empire is "Who is Jay as a Person Post-Skybound" to me also it opens up so many fascinating things about Jay. I rest my case

so backpedaling a little bit. JAY CARES SO MUCH ABOUT HIS PARENTS GUYS IT'S SO SOFT AND I'M sobs

like yea the first episode with Ed and Edna in it has Jay avoiding them like the plague but this gets explained very easily when you remember he was bullied for his home life before he became a ninja. It makes a lot more sense why he wouldn't want them around his new friends, assuming they'd react the same way. Also how was he supposed to know literally all the rest of the groups parents were either dead, presumed dead, or had a toxic relationship with their kid lmao

(Cole calling his mom kills me. Cole's mom is dead. I know they probably just didn't think that far ahead when writing the dialogue but it's so funny mans pretended to call his dead mom to get on Jay for not appreciating his parents iconic behavior)

anyways literally every episode Ed and Edna are central to (except like the one in skybound) Jay stops at nothing to protect his parents and it means the absolute world to me he's so much like them!! They raised an inventive little nerd and he will stop at nothing to make sure they're safe and it's. It's SO IMPORTANT TO ME OKAY

ALSO this is an excuse to clip my favorite piece of dialogue possibly in the entire show. Except Netflix won't let me now. So you just get the text dialogue

Jay's just fallen from the sky with a messed up eye and is incredibly distraught that all his friends are captured. And his dad just. The woRLD IS FALLING APART AND HE'S EATIN' SOUP-

Ed i love you

anyways

anways anyways this just turned into me rambling about prime empire and then Ed and Edna and a lot of disjointed other stuff but thank you for this opportunity i was going to also ramble about lloyd but i put this post in a word count and

yea i think that's enough for a tumblr post anyways! If anyone wants any like. More logically thought out and direct thoughts about characters feel free to send me asks this was fun thank u @zaptrap for this opportunity to scream about jay

#help this was. my brain is so not intact today so if this makes absolutely 0 sense i understand #i did end up watching some prime empire stuff during my ramblings and guys. the ending of that season still makes me cry #this is fully prime empire propaganda btw i need to like. talk about the season more because despite what my skybound posting would lead #y'all to believe THIS IS THE ACTUAL SEASON THAT LIVES IN MY HEAD AT ALL TIMES MOST OF MY MUTUALS ARE JUST MORE SKYBOUND BRAINED #AND IT RUBS OFF ON ME EASILY #but no prime empire is the fucking best #if i talk about jay long enough it WILL just turn into prime empire #also after I wrapped up this post i continued thinking more jay thoughts but this post is already long enough #like how jay is actually SO incredibly self-sacrificing and how he cares so much about helping people #also wow i didn't even mention his powers in that whole ramble. rare for me.#one day i wanna do!! a powers masterpost. like how i view all the ninja's elemental powers #but thats another day's project i am. So Eepy #anyways hope y'all appreciated this #also thank u serp for sending this ask which allowed me to Scream into the Void about jay walker #category 11 han moment fr #ninjago #lego ninjago #jay #jay walker #unagami #edna #ed #i have no idea if ANY of this is coherent btw #prime empire #skybound #hunted #quest for the lost powers #ask #spinjitsu screams

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aceghosts · 2 months

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Rooney Shepard (They/Them): RELIC AU

There are stranger things I've learned on the outside Separated by an open door I find it hard to reach the end of my timeline Salivating 'cause I wanted more Is this the end or is this the beginning? -Too Close/Too Late by Spiritbox

[Template Credit]

Tagging (Opt In/Out): @bbrocklesnar, @marivenah, @alexxmason, @captmactavish, @carlosoliveiraa, @socially-awkward-skeleton, @nightbloodbix, @voidika, @strangefable, @captastra, @amalkavian, @katsigian, @cassietrn, @g0dspeeed, @clicheantagonist, @cloudofbutterflies92, @direwombat, @onehornedbeast, @thedeadthree.

#cyberpunk 2077 #cp2077 #cyberpunk2077edit #cp2077edit #cyberpunk 2077 OC #nbvnesdays #nonbinary oc #commander rooney shepard #I won't let fear compromise who I am #OTP: It always comes right back to you #v: cyberpunk 2077 #myedits #I'm still kind of finetuning the Relic AU in my head #but what I have so far is that even though Rooney didn't participate in the heist and really know about #but V calls them when they are heading to DeShawn after the heist #as V needs Rooney's help and they know (or hope) that Rooney can get them out of this fuck up #Rooney takes the Relic and tells V to lay low with some friends from their days in the military #and in the end Rooney takes the bullet meant for V #Rooney and Yorinobu still reunite the same way they do in Rooney's canon #but there is absolutely the extra layer of 'oh fuck i can't tell him about this'#and in this universe V still works with Goro because I don't think he would let go of Saburo's murder so easily #and I like to think that Rooney thinks of Johnny more as a teammate as time goes on #like even though they butt heads a lot #Rooney still feels responsible for him #and the two start to get along better #but Yorinobu is absolutely the one thing they cannot agree on #anyway #thanks for listening to my fucking unhinged ramblings in the tags #I don't think they make sense #but I can explain it more in an actual post if you want

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jahiera · 10 months

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omg your tags on that last rb? i want to know your Exact thoughts on That dialogue in the scene right after astarion and tav get together because it is so interesting to me 👀

***WRITTEN DURING EA

Okay hi yes, I do indeed have some thoughts. Fair disclaimer that this is just my interpretation! I've only been playing the game for a few days technically, so this is all my first impulse in terms of characterization and influenced by my own path, so! Other interpretations will also be super interesting to read about. Also, obviously, we don't have the full cut, whatever comes out in 2 weeks will come out in 2 weeks. Anyways! Overanalyzing this little bastard's dialogue below.

Okay, this affectionate ribbing was referencing this dialogue here where you can comment on Astarion not being totally "present" post-party sex. Sorry this took me a second to respond to, I wanted to grab the screens for this:

(screencaps of subtitles that read:

Astarion: That's what you want, isn't it? To lose yourself in me?

(new scene) Astarion: You sleep light. I thought you'd be exhausted after last night

Tav: Did you enjoy it? It felt like you weren't fully there.

Astarion: I was holding back a little, it's true. I didn't want to lose control.

To preface this, Astarion's arc is clearly dealing with the push/pull of power and control, one's personal agency (and how it can be taken away), and what happens when an individual reclaims power after for a very long time being without that power. He's endured god-knows-what for 200 years, giving glimpses of his former life, the torture under Cazador, the things he had to do for Cazador (which, included at least finding Cazador's meals through likely charm and seduction, without his own say in the matter.) Now he's out, he's free, he's experiencing the world for the first time basically (as he remarks on in ambient dialogue a lot: everything looks different. Click on a globe and he'll say something along the lines of having never seen the world, but there's time now.) Stating all of that is necessary to me because I think whatever's going on in his terrible brain is several factors all kind of thrown into one; some factors good, some bad, some neutral, some questionable; again, just my interpretation of him, but.

OKAY. Now that that's out of the way. The first interpretation of this scene (and the sex scene in general in its limited capacity: since we don't have eyes on the cinematic.) we can have is the obvious one: you two had a great night, Astarion is being upfront, he simply didn't want to lose control, nothing else here to look at. It's fantasy sex and it's simply good fun.

(The rest is under a cut. Sorry, this kind of turned into a meta Astarion and Sex and all of that? Anyways. CW for a bit of discussion about sexuality + trauma + implications of lack of consent.)

But Do I Believe It's That Simple? Not Really.

On one side, I do think Astarion is genuine in his pursuing of Tav, of sex, of good times and pleasure: he's been locked away for 200 years and now he's traipsing around in mud (a novelty), which might not be ideal, but he can still enjoy the thrill of that too, looks for what's in it for him, what feels good, etc. in all of the circumstances he finds himself in. There's a kind of subdued wonder from him about the world at large; remarks on craving the sun while you're in the Underdark, of experiencing the world, and I think he really is rushing around relishing the freedom as much as he can. And since of course he can reject you, he's not doing anything he doesn't want to do. In short: "simple pleasures," have eluded him under Cazador's thumb, and good sex with someone that you're into is likely just one more of those things he hasn't really gotten to do in ... [checks notes] 200 years.

But I don't think that's the only thing going on in this scene. The fact that the dialogue specifically notes a kind of distance from him feels relevant (since, if they wanted us to think it was all seamless good fun, they could've left it as is.) And the thing is, Astarion. is a big fucking liar.

When he wants to brush aside his dream to Tav, he'll simply say he had some naughty dream and brush it off--which we later find out was a lie ("that's what we call a lie, darling.") and his dreams have actually been about Cazador. Again, only relevant because the first thing Astarion reaches for when he wants to obfuscate the truth is lying through charm, or lying through witty barbs, and when pushed, turns into outright snappy aggression. Saying that the only thing on his mind was the hunger is an easy solution to reach for; maybe it's not even quite wrong, that likely was also an aspect of it! But.

His general .. quick sleazy flirting doesn't come out of nowhere. He uses it liberally, and with everyone, in his Evil Twink Fashion. Can flirt with half the camp at one point or another in environmental dialogue (specifically gets shut down by Shadowheart and Gale, humiliatingly.. the secondhand embarrassment there oh boy.) How much of that he learned while under Cazador's thumb, having to manipulate and charm for Cazador, sexualizing situations where he did not actually have full say and consent in the circumstances, is unknown to us, but can be inferred as not negligible. It's his default state. Charm and persuasion and trickery spell safety, as does disguising any kind of weakness. Disguising his weakness poorly, mind, because he obviously has several moments of raw vulnerability you can get even without his romance being initiated.

I think his current mental state here is a combination of that; of lying to disguise whatever raw state is beneath, unearthed by having simply... some good fun with someone, not out of servitude to Cazador, not to flirt or cajole to protect his own skin, but yet one more thing that's been denied to him (and, possibly, albeit we can only guess at this, not claiming it as canon, forced on him unwantedly) over the last 200 years. But he and Tav here aren't close, close yet, and when Tav tries to push (via talking about the scars on his back), Astarion clams up quite quickly, moving on from the discussion as soon as possible. So whatever is under the minor half-truth of "losing control," isn't open to us yet; we've really just met in the grand scheme of things.

We don't know yet what sex means to Astarion; he hasn't really elaborated beyond the obvious. But, I think, given his behavior, his casual flirtiness, his "You want to lose yourself in me," (another line I can squawk about endlessly in terms of character analysis), sexuality (actual sex or simply sexualization) can be as much a means of securing safety, control, coercion, power, and pinpointing weakness. It's also something he can clearly also desire wholeheartedly and with no ulterior motives involved; and I think this moment shows that, and he's grappling with it uncomfortably, what this means for him, one more thing that he can reclaim for himself. He craves something real, I think, and he's only just now beginning to form a real identity outside of what Cazador did to him, and how Cazador haunts him.

Pursuing something like this is one more step in that direction. Unlearning these gut impulses to lie and deceive and charm his way with Tav is probably what we're going toward, given his glimpse of a reaction to a hug. Whatever else Astarion has to work through in regards to intimacy is up in the air, but there's clearly a lot more going on beneath his fairly shallow veneer of charm and flirtatiousness.

(Which. Can we just have the option to hug him as a casual dialogue option? Please?)

#bg3 meta #astarion #asks answered #I really hope you meant you wanted a full blown essay because that.. is what this is HGHFHG #Thank you for asking though! That's really sweet of you and I'm. I hope this garbled rambling makes some kind of sense?#I'm so sorry. I had THINGS to say apparently!#baldurs gate 3 #playing bg3

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harukapologist · 5 months

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a cute detail in haruka's room

This turned into a half-ramble half-headcanon post so I apologize for how messy it is lol

While watching undercover for the first time I noticed that there seems to be a sketchbook in Haruka's room, in which a colorful tree is drawn

Haruka seems to be hyperempathetic, and usually hyperempathetic people are quite artistic in their worldview and their hobbies, so I have a headcanon that Haruka likes to draw and/or paint, as a hobby and coping mechanism, a little escapism (especially since Haruka's no.1 coping mechanism with traumatic/stressful events seems to be denial—I'm going to elaborate on that in a different post because I've thought about that very, VERY often, and it partially explains why he acted the way he did in T2, to me) (I'm projecting a little bit because I kin Haruka and I'm a (hobbyist) artist myself but teehee)

When he was asked about his hobbies in his T1 interrogation, he just said he liked to talk to the other prisoners, but I think that's because he's insecure about his art being bad or unconventional (it looks like he used crayons or simple markers for the tree drawing. And also, the leaves are all different colors... perhaps I'm overanalyzing a simple scene, but it seemed to me that it's kinda symbolizing how he views & interacts with the world differently because of his neurodivergence. Still, the drawing is quite pretty imo, and he used the colors very well, so even though it's a tree with unusual colors, it still looks beautiful; even though he's different, it doesn't mean he's inferior, and there's still beauty despite how much he struggles to fit in. You know?)

Also also the way a lot of frames in weakness have hyper-realistic, vibrant backgrounds, as well as the blood being colorful (though that appears elsewhere too, like in Muu's MV) it really convinced me that Haruka sees the world through the lens of an artist, a passionate person who feels things very intensely.

Since the prisoners can request anything, I like to think Haruka secretly requested a sketchbook and some crayons to continue his hobby (I'm not sure if he can do that since it's unclear how the prisoners request & receive stuff (I'm a relatively new Milgram fan so I might've forgotten/not have seen an explanation if there's any ueueu))

I like to think he keeps his sketchbook to himself at first, but slowly opens up to the other prisoners about his hobby. First Fuuta and Mu, then maybe Mikoto, then the others (and they're all very nice to him & praise his art!!! Especially Mikoto I think. he would be very excited to see all of Haruka's art!!! Supportive big brother figure) :3c

#if its not actually a sketchbook forgive me im blind as shit #if these aren't crayons too pls forgiev me #i hope this makes sense i wouldve probably talked more if i didnt have a godawful migraine rn #i love haruka i definitely think he likes to/wants to practise some form of art #should i tag this im a bit embarrassed eheh #milgram #haruka sakurai #sakurai haruka #headcanons #milgram headcanons #jay rambles bleh idk #okay maybe theres more than just a little bit of projection but shh it makes sense doesn't it #I LOVE HARU #he s literally me #if anyone has pointed this out before pls forgive me again #and show me the post pls id love to find. likeminded people #good night #milgram project

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mettywiththenotes · 5 months

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Just reading back a little and saw this moment

And I think it's just sort of telling? How Best Jeanist refers to Tomura as destruction personified and Izuku says nothing, yet when En refers to him as sort of the same thing he voices what he really thinks

And I can only think that every time someone has referred to Tomura as something without a shred of sympathy and Izuku's kept silent, it might be something he takes note of. Especially now that he's become aware of Tomura's pain. Hearing everything they call Tomura, like he's just some sort of thing, like he doesn't have a name or a past or a house that was once his (something he explicitly said TO Izuku as he fell from UA), it's gotta open his eyes or something, right?

Even Nana has referred to Tomura as a "thing", though she must have meant the version of Tomura that is "the finished product" (hence the wings after the chrysalis that was shown during the surgery) - someone truly incapable of being saved (and thus removing herself mentally/emotionally from the crushing fact that he is family)

Reactions like this one below; saying nothing when coming across a different opinion

Reminds me of this

And I suppose there is also an element of something back from when Izuku told Gran Torino he wanted to save Tomura. Torino had said the words "Killing can be another way of saving", and at the time, Izuku wasn't entirely sure if there was anything left of Tomura/Tenko inside the fusion. Up until that moment he asked if Tomura was still there, he couldn't have fully known whether he would have to kill him or get to save him like he wanted to do. So, essentially, keeping quiet when people referred to Tomura as "destruction incarnate" (and other things), just in case that really was what he'd become

Though I guess that detail doesn't really matter now, what with Izuku wanting to save him, finally seeing Tomura was still in there and digging his heels in with the set determination of saving him. He saw Tomura's personality, the human in him, after all

Anyway

Now it sort of seems like Izuku is speaking up? Not just in the presence of those who think otherwise but against Tomura himself. En says Tomura is like "destruction incarnate" and immediately after, Izuku says "It's deeper than that. You're human"

In the end, I wonder if it matters more that Izuku spoke up to Tomura first, someone who NEEDS to know the truth and who would greatly benefit from someone challenging his thoughts head-on, rather than mentioning it every time someone refers to Tomura as some "thing" instead

I guess it adds more of an impact to the story too, that way

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spearxwind · 4 months

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Hi this is where I talk a bunch about ocs :D

I dont have a lot of time lately to talk abt lore but i still think abt my guys whenever i have some chill time to myself, so here's some patch notes. This is also just me thinking out loud haha

CD:

ive been playing w some changes for CD and seeing if they stick :] gonna make the story slightly more complex and the sides of the conflict also different (for example I am going to make hades and talas full on enemies at first along with connon, caval and silas >:3 (and I am also making silas and his monster form two separate characters so the lion (hal) is now a mount instead))

Specifically what I've been thinking about is making Hades either a ship captain or a first mate for a rogue ship. The deal with Hades is that he comes from a renowned family from Redbridge and is a disgrace to them. In previous versions of CD they were artisans but that never rly clicked for me, and recently I have been reworking Redbridge into a naval empire to add some 🤏spice 🤏to the world, which would mean Hades' family is actually a naval captain family putting him next in line to be one of them but since his thing is being a disgrace he takes off and becomes a rogue. And instead of hating leviathans he fucking hates hunters instead. Conversely, I think with these changes Talas would also NOT be inclined to kill hunters (or at least not as often as he currently does). He'd pick fights with the naval fleet and other similar factions instead which is more like his character.

I also wanna try and bring back an older concept I had where connon's ship was able to both become fully submerged (like the subs in sunless sea where her character originated from) and this other idea I had where a ship could split in half into two smaller ships. Like if a catamaran could split into two and flank a vessel on both sides. But we'll see if I can make this work x)

Dragons (broken horizon + extinction):

I vaguely mentioned this a while ago as well but I've also been thinking abt my dragons and how I kinda want them to all be in one world/setting, which includes both my broken horizon guys (cer, jarek, octane, etc) and my extinction guys (alex, c, orion, etc) but I dont know how to deal with all of the conflicting lore and themes.

Because for extinction the big theme is there are people who can turn into dragons, and technically all of the dragons' powers are based on energy (for lore reasons). Meanwhile for my other dragons I have a few different elements or other ways of using fire (eg instead of using straight up fire/energy, my oc Jarek can breathe out gas only and ignites it with his mandibles).

I miss all my dragons a lot so I kinda wanted to make a world for them where I could have them Vibe and do different stories in so I thought about having a dragon-only universe but unfortunately Extinction has a pretty huge human element that I cant just eliminate.

It feels counterintuitive, i know the first logical choice is 'just let them be different things' but I genuinely feel like the right choice is to put them both together so the characters can interact and the whole story can be deeper because as it is both are really shallow and I would really like for them to work together so that's what I've been picking at for some months now (it's um. been real slow)

For these two stories I do have two different vibes though that I've been wondering how to weave together nicely bc they overlap for some characters. For broken horizon I had flying and aerial racing as a big theme (and some of the chars in extinction would be rly into that) and for extinction I had dragon arena fights as a big theme (and some of the characters in bh would be rly into that) both of these is another of the reasons why I wanted to put them both together bc it feels like they can fit very well I just have to find the right idea for them to click and then itll be smooth sailing -w-

I also wanted to talk abt this in hopes that talking abt all the dragons gets me to think more about them as well

I wanted to make this post bc I've been really busy lately and rly absent from here in general and I don't have as much time to draw (or even think abt ocs) anymore but I still wanted to keep posted about what's been going on in my head and hopefully get some eyes on it and maybe even some feedback if anyone is so inclined

If u read this whole thing thank u i owe you my life fr I hope u enjoyed reading abt my patch notes :D and hopefully sometime in the future I can get back to drawing concepts and stuff or maybe even writing stuff

#thunderclap #oc ramble #challenger deep #broken horizon #long post #whew this took so long to write and i dont even know if its gonna make ANY sense to anyone auuggggg #ive been thinking a lot about CD in my off time recently I want to make it GOOD i wanna make it COMPLEX i have a lotta good insp lately #so im hoping to make some good and much needed changes #and i also think abt my dragons a lot they just like. float at random in my head in cool scenes and i have no way to bring it all together #AND THAT MAKES ME MAD!!! THIS IS MY HOUSE!! I SHOULD BE ABLE TO MAKE IT FIT AUUUGGHGHHHH!!!!#i also think abt octane and alex being rivals a lot now it actually fits so much. radioactive bitches. fusion vs fission.#generation vs combustion. white and black. both still orange. please please i need this to work sooo bad #ALSO C AND ARC AND JAREK AND DIMA WOULD GET ALONG SO WELL I KNOW IT I DO AUGH

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theheirofthesharingan · 3 months

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Hi there. I am sending this probably silly question because you are one of the few fans of both Sasuke and Itachi that I know, and this has been bugging me since the first time I watched Naruto.

So, Itachi wants Sasuke to be stronger, to kill him and go back to the village as a hero that killed an alleged Konoha traitor. But why does he tell him to kill his closest friend? I understand Itachi wants Sasuke to get the Mangekyou to get stronger, but this would surely make him a criminal in the eyes of Konoha. Also, I think it is unnecessary, since Sasuke could have gotten the Mangekyou after killing Itachi (which didn't happen in the end, but it was a possibility). I understand Itachi wanting to be sure, but still... He was risking way to much here.

It also does not make sense for Edo Tensei Itachi to "scold" Sasuke for being a "criminal" (he was not really scolding, but you get what I mean...) when he himself urged him to commit a way worse crime. So he says "I turned you into a criminal" but, actually, Sasuke never did what Itachi asked. I understand Itachi feels guilty for way more things than he deserves, and indeed he might be responsible for Sasuke leaving the village and going to Orochimaru to gain power for revenge... But anything that happened after Itachi's death was actually Sasuke's own decisions (decisions that came as a result of legit rage against Konoha for committing a genocide, of course).

I know Itachi was a child, traumatised, isolated and under inhumane pressure at the time. In these conditions, it is understandable that he did not make the best decisions, that he was not acting completely logically or thinking totally straight. I am not judging him in the slightest, I just would love to read your views on this.

Thank you and lots of love!

The rules of the Shinobi world are vastly different from those of ours. In the Shinobi world conflict is endless and lives hold different values than they do in ours. You may not face a trial for taking a life, much like you might not get a medal for saving one. Sakumo Hatake, for example, saved the lives of his comrades and ended up being shunned by the village, including the people whose lives he'd saved.

Itachi, after he killed his own parents, was leaving Sasuke in a place that had made him murder his own parents. Hiruzen was a weak shield and Danzo still lived in the village. Itachi wanted Sasuke to get strong, not only to kill him, but also to be able to protect himself in case Danzo made a move against him. An Uchiha, even with a simple Sharigan, was seen with fear. An Uchiha, with Mangekyo, would be formidable. Thinking from Itachi's POV, he was leaving Sasuke in a very hostile place, known for its belligerence towards Uchiha. What was a defenseless child supposed to do in case Danzo's Root came for him and Hiruzen proved useless? It didn't happen, but how would itachi know it wouldn't happen at all? Especially when Danzo did send Sai to kill Sasuke instead of letting a troop also follow them so they could take down Orochimaru, who had actually attacked the village.

Itachi had a flawed perception that as long as Sasuke lived, everything else he went through would be worth it, including his best friend's death. To him, Sasuke's life mattered, not a stranger's who might become his best friend. I believe he changed his mind later on when he met Sasuke and Naruto at the inn. He saw Naruto risking his own life, fighting for Sasuke despite being horrified of Itachi moments ago. It's probably after this that he made his mind to include one more objective to their final battle.

He also understood Sasuke didn't hate him at all. When he says 'you don't have enough hate', it's the truth, because when Sasuke learned Itachi was back and was after Naruto, he rushed to warn Naruto, but all he thought about was Itachi, their final day together before everything went wrong. And then he charged on Itachi, unprepared. We've known Sasuke to be calculative and in control of his emotions almost all the time. He loses it the moment he sees Itachi. Even if itachi tried to ignore him he wouldn't sit back. This wasn't the response of someone who had hate in his heart, but too much of emotional investment.

Yes. Itachi was always risking a lot. Him taking up the mission to annihilating his clan, then leaving Sasuke, and basically everything that followed - all of it was a gamble. Things could go either way. Sasuke had to be safe, for which he had to be protected all the time; but for him to become strong, Sasuke would have to train and practice, maybe go on potentially life threatening missions as well if he wanted to be strong enough to kill Itachi. Itachi's plan was always a double-edged sword. It could go either way.

Itachi blames himself for Sasuke's actions because he controlled a large portion of Sasuke's life. He did it unwillingly, in tears, in guilt, yes, but he did do it. Like I said above, he thought as long as Sasuke was safe it would be worth it. Itachi was somewhat responsible for Sasuke leaving Konoha, but not entirely. After Sasuke wakes up in the hospital, he challenges Naruto, because Naruto had suddenly become so strong. Even then he couldn't defeat Itachi. Then Sasuke, who had lived his whole life for the purpose of killing Itachi, was still no match for him. After Kakashi's pep talk, Sasuke even considers dropping the idea of revenge or at least struggles with it, thinking about Naruto, Sakura, and their bonding. Then Sound Four attack him. The rest is history.

After Itachi's death, while everything that Sasuke does is his own call, his own decisions, they still stem from the life Itachi made him live, and him not finding any closure. Yes, Itachi didn't want Sasuke to know the truth because he knew it would destroy him emotionally, and it happened exactly that way.

Itachi didn't scold Sasuke, he merely accepted where his plans failed. Itachi and Sasuke are very rich characters in terms of psychological depth. I'm no psychology student, but I love to read stuff here and there, and one pattern I've seen in both the brothers is that of 'age regression.'

When trauma impairs your ability to develop full emotional maturity, this is known as arrested psychological development. Trauma can “freeze” your emotional response at the age you experienced it. When you feel or act emotionally younger than your actual age, this is known as age regression.

Taken from this article. There's more to it, but I lifted the important part to answer this ask.

It's very common in how both Itachi and Sasuke respond. Many people say 'Itachi always saw Sasuke as a child to protect instead of a grown up' and he himself says this as Edo Tensei to Sasuke later on. I believe it's because, emotionally, he too never grew up beyond 12-13 and in some ways beyond four. To him he was never above 12 and Sasuke was never older than 7. All of his reactions to his life, however bad and with disastrous outcomes, are out of unresolved PTSD. It's the same with Sasuke and how he responds to his surroundings. Both of them were emotionally 'frozen' in the age they were traumatized. At the age of 12, even though Sasuke is too mature for his age, there's still the longing for his family and he remembers every single detail of his moments with them. Then after learning Itachi's truth too. I believe while he's a grown up now in Boruto, there's a part of him that's frozen in that moment when he found out about Itachi. Since Itachi isn't mentioned in Boruto and Sasuke's feelings for his family aren't the matter of discussion, I don't think I can prove this.

When Itachi saw what he'd made Sasuke - not a criminal or a monster - but a lonely, broken kid, he felt ashamed of himself. He feels so guilty because of his conscience. It's also because he was free from any obligation towards anyone after his death and was very flexible in face of new information that he admitted his wrongs.

Itachi, in fact, never realized what haopened to him was wrong too. His actions weren't spontaneous. On the contrary, they were the outcome of what was done to him. But unlike Sasuke and Kakashi, for instance, he did do many things wrong. Sasuke felt guilty for not being able to save his family, his clan, and then Itachi. Kakashi felt guilty for not being able to save Obito, then Rin. Even if it wasn't their fault. Itachi did a lot of things that were entirely unforgivable and he knew it too. So, his guilt outweighed any desire he might have had to acknowledge his trauma. He defined himself by the horrible things he'd done. Objectively, there would be a lot of nuances that you could consider, but fictional characters can never be objective.

When Hashirama praised Itachi, Itachi would never agree with him. When Sasuke called him perfect, Itachi disagreed with him. When Kabuto called him a genius/exceptional Itachi disagreed with him too.

Itachi felt nothing but regret his entire life, which eventually defined him as a person.

#ask #uchiha itachi #anon #itachi #sasuke #itachi uchiha #uchiha brothers #i guess i rambled way too much so hoping it makes some sense #thanks for this ask because it was fun to answer

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eevylynn · 3 months

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🔥 for Teen Wolf, please :)

From this

Sorry that it's been a while

I've literally been thinking about this since I got this ask. I haven't been in the fandom long enough to really feel confident on what my unpopular opinions would be.

I guess that I like Sterek AND Stydia AND Stalia. I don't think Derek would have been comfortable if he had been the only one Stiles had been with considering Derek's teenaged years. He'd want Stiles to have some experience before being with him, so I think it's ridiculous to put down Stiles' previous relationships.

Also, Stiles being "mom" or the "pack mom" - why can't he be "pack dad"? You can have two dads... Seriously, enough with saying "Stiles is Eli's mom".

Overall, it's a bit of a pet peeve of mine when people insist on Stiles being "the girl" of the relationship. As many say, he's a "feral bastard boy". He's a mean, if socially awkward, jock with nerdy interests who doesn't respect personal boundaries, like AT ALL. He's extremely parentified and so he will make sure everyone he cares about stays alive, but that doesn't automatically mean he's nurturing. Just look at his canon relationships with Liam and Isaac. He cares for their wellbeing, yes, but he is NOT nice about it.

I think that while Sterek are both versatile once together, Stiles would be the more dominant in bed and Derek would be more submissive. Derek was born a middle child beta wolf in a huge pack, and is thrust into a leadership position and is all alone. He wants/needs to be taken care of. After the Nogitsune, I think Stiles has even more control issues than he previously had and is a lot more aware of his dark side. Not to mention, Stiles is like the definition of Power Bottom.

I think people infantilize Malia. Just because she was a wolf for 8 years, it doesn't mean she's still, mentally, a child. She just doesn't understand human society. Considering the amount of autistic people that are the same way, it really annoys me to see.

I also think that Allison is overrated. <-probably my most unpopular opinion...

I can't think of any others right now. I think

#i hope this rambling nonsense makes some sort of sense #idk #stiles stilinski #sterek #asks #eevysasks #teen wolf #stydia #stalia #malia tate #derek hale

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