#I have a really bad headache tbh. I’m done crying now.

[courtofwingsandruin]

I’m so mad at the ACOTAR fandom right now and how they’re dealing with Azriel’s chapter.

Warning: under the cut is just me going off for way too long about Azriel and his extra chapter.

Azriel is a huge comfort character for me, and before I could get my hands on the actual extra chapter I saw tons of posts talking about how gross and OOC he was and the disgusting things he was saying about Elain.

I literally laid in bed crying over it because it hurt to think that this character I had invested so much into, that I had been desperate to hear more about, would be that horrible.

And then I read it and...It’s not that bad? Yeah, he speaks of her sexually and is turned on by her. Sure. But she’s also turned on by him in that moment? She’s wanting him just as badly? He can clearly see that she does, we can clearly see that she does. I haven’t read ACOSF, so I may be wrong, but as far as I know she hasn’t accepted the mating bond yet and has shown no sign of planning to do so. She hasn’t shown any sign of wanting to be Lucien’s mate, but she’s shown a very obvious sign in this chapter about liking Azriel and wanting him.

I didn’t like the whole “Rhys and Cass got their Archeron sisters, why don’t I have one?” thing either, because it does feel like he’s just projecting his loneliness onto Elain and assuming that the Cauldron was wrong because of a kind of dumb theory he has. But I didn’t really feel like he was calling himself entitled to her. If she did not want him, he would be acting completely different. But she is showing that she wants him, is interested in him, and isn’t showing any signs of being interested in Lucien (as far as I understand, correct me if I’m wrong). So yes, it was a weird and stupid thing for him to say, but I don’t think he’s thinking “She should be mine because of this one little crazy thing I noticed.” He’s saying “The Cauldron and the Fates have been wrong about mates in the past and I’m just thinking maybe it was wrong about Lucien and Elain because they don’t have chemistry and we do AND because of this one little crazy thing I noticed.” He just didn’t state it that way.

(Also, quick note: Azriel says he can defeat Lucien out of arrogance, yeah, but also remember that he didn’t do so just unprompted. Rhys was the one to be like “he could challenge you to this duel BS” and Az, who probably only has confidence in his powers and nothing else about himself, says back, “I would win” because...tbh I’d probably say that too if my brother was like “You want this girl but she bElOnGs to another man so he can fight you for her.”)

The line that stuck with me the most was this: “But she’d gotten Azriel one last year—a headache powder he kept on his nightstand at the House of Wind. Not to use, but just to look at. Which he’d done every night he’d slept there.” I think it’s super important to read between the lines in chapters from the POV with characters like Azriel. He’s going to be a lot more open and upfront about his sexual desires than his romantic desires, even with himself, after spending so many years of pining after Mor for it to never happen. With how he has always been the one to try to stay stoned face and keep his personal feelings hidden. We see this with how, when Rhys brings up Mor, Azriel ignores it outright—and thus ignores his feelings. And I feel we also saw it with Gwyn and how he isn’t truly sure what he’s feeling towards her, which is the only reason we actually get a genuine view of those feelings towards the end of the extra chapter.

That quote kind of showed an inner working of his head that we aren’t seeing yet. He clearly isn’t only having sexual thoughts—he stares at this powder and probably thinks about a lot of damn things regarding Elain, not just regarding the bond and the sexual desires. Don’t forget that he’s been one of the few people to be her friend—sitting with her and listening to her and hanging out in the gardens with her in the previous books. His feelings are not only sexual. He’s just not showing us everything because this is only, what, 9 pages from him? We aren’t going to see every little thing he is feeling.

I believe, wholeheartedly, that the next book will be about Elain and Azriel. SJM has set up too much for them both for it to not be. For it to be about Elain and Azriel—unless she pulls a trick on us and has it focus solely on their individual development rather than their relationships, which is possible but I can’t see happening—this would mean that the two of them end up together (1 relationship per book, guys).

I’m not gonna go into Gwyn, because I don’t know much about her yet, and I don’t want to hit you guys with false information. But I feel like Azriel and Elain both have a lot of development to go through and Gwyn will be there with them, but I don’t really know if she is going to be a genuine love interest, or just someone who helps Azriel open up and be better—a good, true friend that he can count on.

The one thing I will say is that Elain and Mor have the parallel of making Azriel’s shadows disappear, or hide away—and Azriel definitely had romantic feelings for Mor. And Gwyn has a completely different effect on Azriel’s shadows. Whether this is a mating bond, or something else about Gwyn we have yet to find out, I don’t know. But I feel it’s definitely important to remember the similarities between how his shadows react to Elain and how they react to Mor versus how they react to Gwyn.

If you actually stuck around for all of this, thank you. I’m gonna go cry into my pillow now over how desperately I need ACOSF so I can focus on Nesta and Cassian and not all of this bull with Azriel and Elain and Lucien and Gwyn.

#acosf spoilers #acosf #azriel #elain archeron #elriel #gwyn #a court of silver flames #bonus chapter #quickly adding this edit in the notes #i’m not an elriel shipper or an elucien shipper #i like both ships and mainly just want to see them all happy #azriel and lucien are my two favorite characters in the series #i don’t talk about lucien much in this or his feelings- rather about elain’s feelings towards lucien #my focus here is not a ship war. it’s about azriel’s feelings in the extra chapter and mainly these feelings with elain #which is why i brought up gwyn too because he shows feelings for her as well #now that’s all i wanted to say (i think). goodbye

[slowpoke-fics]

Migraine

Fandom: Supernatural

Pairing: Dean x reader, platonic Sam x Reader

Summary: reader is scared to let the boys in and tell them about the chronic migraines she suffers from, after a hunt the truth comes out and you're shocked with how they respond

Warnings: smut, no a too whole lot, two paragraphs on 3000 words, nothing too triggering I think, medicine, as always, I might have missed something read at your o w n risk

A/N: It might be a little long, tbh I dont know what a long/short fic looks like but it's def one I could've split and didn't. I really enjoyed writing this one, am having a little bit of a block after writing six fics in a day. shout out to my first smut in at least five years.

You had been hunting with Sam and Dean for a couple of months, finally feeling like you had earned your place. You didn't feel comfortable letting them know your weaknesses, which is why you didn't tell them you had migraines. You were able to cover for the most part, hiding it from the family you've come to know quite well. Most of the time. Sometimes you just couldn't, the pain overbearing and you just had to stay in bed all day, "It's just cramps." You lied to the boys, who assumed that you were covering your face and curled up like a child because of your embarrassment and pain. Sooner or later they will find out, and that's just what happened on this witch hunt.

You were the first one back into the motel, just wanting to lie down, Sam and Dean following suit. Dean slammed the door, causing you to jump with a jolt of pain to your head, reminding you of the already particularly bad headache you had. Thank god you'd be home soon. You went into the bathroom, wanting to shower after a long day of hunting the witch down, turning the lights off as you shut the door, you sighed, the pain growing. You turned the shower on, making it just a little warm, undressing and sitting down, putting your knees close to yourself, held together by your crossed arms with your head on your knees just enjoying the relief the water brings you.

You must've lost track of time because the next thing you hear is Dean, pounding on the bathroom door, basically screaming, "Y/n, damn, we want hot water!" You groaned, "Fuck off Dean! I'll be out in a minute," you shouted, much harsher than you wanted. You heard Dean grumble but couldn't understand it. Ignoring him, you finished washing your body, head already hurting bad enough it was too much to have to stand and wash, worried you might puke if you moved around more than you needed.

You came out of the shower, laying on the bed, closing your eyes, waiting to leave when you heard Sam speak up. "Did you get hurt and not tell us?" You rolled your eyes, then rose up and looked at Sam. "What?" You were confused, why would you not tell them if you got hurt? You looked over your body for any marks as Dean spoke, "Why else would you take so damn long?" You glared at him, "Sorry, I guess I won't enjoy my showers anymore." You laid back down, Dean looked at you with a pang of guilt you didn't see. He was just, in his own way, trying to check on you.

When both Sam and Dean had showered, you packed up your stuff, not caring if you left anything behind, you led out the door, crawling into the backseat of the impala. As you started rolling out, you realized it was going to be a long trip when the first wave of nausea hit you. Leaning into the window, enjoying the cold, you closed your eyes, knowing sleep would not come.

About two hours into the trip back to the bunker, after not saying a single word, you finally spoke up. "Dean," he looked at you through the rearview mirror, "pull the car over, Sam you gotta let me out." Dean was a little shocked, "What," he said quickly. "Pull the car over, before I hurl in your baby." At that, the car near immediately stopped, Sam quickly allowing you to get out. Almost as soon as your foot hit the ground, before you were even all the way out of the car, vomit spewed from your mouth. Sam was rubbing your back, not sure why you were sick, as you'd never gotten car sick.

Dean got out of the car, circling it to come to your side, worry written all over his face. Dean replaced Sam, Dean whispering something to him that you couldn't hear over the splashing on the road. You heard the car door shut, and felt Dean pull your hair back. Once you were done, Dean, helping you raise up, asked, "What's going on?" You looked at him, worry still plastered on his face.

"Nothing, I just got car sick," still feeling like you could throw up, you took a deep breath. The pain of your headache intensified by the fit. Dean laughed a little, "You've never gotten car sick in your life," shaking his head and adding, "I mean," down to a whisper, "are you pregnant?" You had to laugh a little, regretting as pain soared through your head, "No, Dean, why would you even ask that?"

"Well, in the same night you take an hour longer showering than you usually do and vomit on the side of the road." He smirked, reminiscing, "I mean after our encounter a couple of months ago-" You had to interrupt him, "We fucked once, I also recall telling you I was on birth control." Dean chuckled, "What can I say? I've got strong swimmers." Smug son of a bitch. "I'm not, can we please just go home? I got car sick, it happens."

Dean got very serious, "Not until you tell me what's going on, I'm worried now." Silently panicking, afraid that if you told them you had chronic migraines they'd think you couldn't go on hunts and you'd be alone again, but really not wanting him to worry, you finally spoke up, "It's just a migraine." Dean's face contorted in confusion, "A migraine? Since when do you get migraines?" You looked away from him, toward the trees lining the side of the road, "They're chronic, I've had them for years." Deans face softened, he reached for his passenger door and opened it for you, allowing you to crawl in.

"You all right?" Sam spoke from the backseat, thankful you didn't have to crawl back there again. You just nodded, bringing your knees to your chest and lying back against the window with your eyes closed. Dean started the car and after a few minutes he couldn't keep his mouth shut, "Why didn't you just tell us?" Sam didn't say anything, also wanting to know why this was such a big deal for you to keep a secret.

You took a sharp breath in, not moving a muscle, not even looking at them, "I was afraid you'd tell me I couldn't hunt with you guys anymore." Dean looks at sam through the rearview, the guilt on Sams face matching his own, "We would never-" Dean gripped the wheel a little tighter, "We would have worked around them, so you can be home when they're this bad. It wouldn't be puking on the side of the road horrible." Dean shook his head, reaching across to you to rub your arm, you looked at him, and he jerked his head in a come here motion. You did as you were told, starting to scoot over, he redirected your movements so your head was in his lap. His fingers running through your hair, his hand finding the back of your neck apply just a tiny bit of pressure right at the base of your skull, rubbing up and down softly, alleviating some of the pain, somehow letting you sleep the remaining trip.

When you woke up Sam was already out of the car, Dean opening your door you sleepily sat at the edge of the seat, head throbbing. Putting your hand on your forehead, elbow on the back of his bench seat, eyes still closed, you felt Dean pull your hands to his neck. "No," you jerked back, eyes filled with tears at how bad the morning light was making you feel, "I can walk." Dean huffed, "Shut up and let me carry you." You resigned and put your arms around his neck, laying your head in the crook of his neck, loving how he smelled.

You noticed as he carried you in, every single light that could be out, was. Sam must've done that for you. Opening the door to his room, you started to protest, "Shhh," he gently laid you on the bed and pulled the covers up for you, "just let me." Dean left the room, you're not sure where, but there was a pang of sadness in your chest, wanting to be near him. He came back and placed a cool rag on the back of your neck and one on your forehead, he touched your lips, slowly dragging his thumb over your lips, speaking softly, "Open up, let this pill dissolve on your tongue okay? It might be a little nasty, but it'll help." You took the pill, as it started to dissolve you scrunched up your face at the nasty taste, causing Dean to chuckle.

Dean headed to he door, it was now or never, "Will-" you started and your voice broke a little, you're not sure out of embarrassment or pain, "will you stay?" Dean smiled at you, coming to the side of the bed, crawling under the covers with you, "As long as you want me." You rolled over to him, laying your head on his chest as he put his arm around you. He started playing with your hair, running his fingers up and down your arm.

You wanted to be able to properly enjoy this, but your head hurt so bad. After about fifteen minutes you couldn't help but cry, silently, wanting the headache to go away. Dean noticed, feeling his damp shirt, he didn't say anything, just kissed your head. "They're not normally this bad," you sniffled, "I can usually push through them." Dean started rubbing your back, knowing how nervous you were to tell them, not really understanding why you'd believe they would say you couldn't hunt with them. "Y/n," he contemplated on what to say.

"You don't have to hide anything from us, you don't have to push through them, if you're in pain it's okay, we all have our faults, you don't ever have to be afraid that we'd tell you to leave. You're our family now, we need you. I need you." Your heart skipped a beat, did he really need you? In what way does he need you? "What do you mean?" Dean had to admit it, had to come clean, now or never.

"I don't mean just hunts," you looked up at him, shocked, tear stained eyes which broke his heart. He gently cupped your face, leaning forward and bringing his lips to yours, you instantly responded, pressing into the kiss, letting him slip his tongue into your mouth, he pulled back, "God you taste better than ever." You laughed, laying your head back down, "Okay, I understand." He couldn't do chick flic, it was hard enough for him to say he needed you, but he needed you to know.

Sam came in, replacing your rags, "You want some more medicine?" You nodded, pushing your hand on Dean's chest so he knew he couldn't get up. "Sammy, she'd love that but doesn't want me to get up." Sam laughed, your cheeks flushing, "No problem, Y/n." Dean placed his hand on yours, "I feel like a bath might help, I can run you one." You shrugged, "lotta work." Dean copied your shrug, "Not really, just gotta start the water and put the bubbles in." You instantly responded, talking over him, "Not you, me," you pause and lifted your head to looked at him, eyebrow cocked, "bubbles? I don't have bubbles?" Dean laughed heartily, "Not you, me. My bubbles and my work, I'll do it all, nothing I ain't seen before." He winked at you, smug bastard. You laid your head back down on his chest, shrugging again.

Sam came back, Dean lifting his hand up to take the medicine from Sam as you lifted yourself up and grabbed the cup from him, "It's coffee, it might help." You couldn't turn to face him, didn't want to, "Thank you so much." Sam smiled, but you couldn't see, "Of course, anything." You heard the door close softly as you took your place back on Dean, resting the cup on his chest.

After a few minutes after you had taken the medicine, Dean slid from underneath you, taking the coffee cup, causing you to groan in displeasure. Dean chuckled, and headed toward the bathroom. Once in there he lit a singular candle, started the water, and put the bubbles in. Coming back to you he wrapped his arms around your waist, letting you move your limbs to where they needed to be.

He sat you down on the bathroom sink, while he took his shirt off you removed your own. He reached behind you, unclasping your bra and pulling it off you. Dean wanted to tell you how gorgeous you were, wanted to touch you, but he knew you were more than not up for it. He knows when to be respectful and when to be downright filthy. You slid off the counter, you pushed your pants down, just enough so they could effortlessly fall off of you.

Dean stepped into the tub first, holding his hand out to you. You happily took it, just wanting to lie back down. Dean put your back to him, wrapping an arm around you he slunk to the ground, water splashing lightly. He pulled you back to him, allowing you to lay your head back on him. His fingers found their way to your scalp, applying a small amount of pressure, taking some of your pain. You had no idea that the Dean Winchester could be this, soft.

You just laid there with Dean, letting the water sooth you, letting Dean make this better. You couldn't think, just lay. You don't know how long you laid there, laid in complete silence with Dean taking care of you. "Do you want me to touch you?" Dean spoke, barely loud enough that you could hear him, you hummed, wordlessly asking what he meant. "I did some research while we were in the bed, lots of women have said that masturbating can seriously help." Still speaking softly, making sure that you weren't going to get overstimulated. You thought for a minute, all the times that you had touched yourself in hopes for the pain to lessen-all the times it worked. "Mhmm." Dean just continued rubbing your scalp, "Say it." A twinge of need pooled inside you, "Touch me Dean, I want it."

Dean needed no further encouragement, he needed to know this is what you wanted, needed you to admit it. He wasted no time, slowly working his hands to your nipples, fingers teasing, tickling their way to touch you. He twirled your nipples between his thumb and index finer, gently pulling them up, eliciting a whimper from you. "Don't worry good girl, I'm gonna make you feel better." Deans hands trailed to your waist, pulling you up a couple of inches, giving him better access.

Dean's right hand tiptoed to your clit, gently rubbing your bundle of nerves, rubbing circles until your hips bucked forward, wanting more. Dean's left hand moving to your lower stomach, resting lazily. You opened your eyes and stared into his eyes, a soft moan falling from your lips, "More." Dean smirked, quickly raising his left hand to push your head back, nonverbally communicating for you to rest, just enjoy this, then returning his hand to it's home.

Dean's thick fingers slid inside you with a thrilling stretch, you gasped, forgetting how good he filled you up. "Good girl, I know you can take it," Dean started to pump his fingers slowly, curling them upwards to hit just the right spot. "Mmmm," you hummed, almost singing, "please." Dean sped up, his fingers hitting your g-spot, palm rubbing your clit, you clenched tightly around him, slowing him down but making him damn near growl. You bucked your hips forward, panting, squeezing his wrist with one hand and grabbing the side of the tub with the other. "Gonna make you cum," Dean nipped your earlobe, a whimper. "Gonna show you that you need me," moved to your neck, a moan. "Gonna remind you what it feels like to gush around me," another nibble, another kiss. A desperate desire pooled in your belly, pussy clenching, clit throbbing. "You gonna cum for me? Cum on my fingers like a good girl?" Dean pressed his left hand down, the pressure sending you over the edge, you spasmed around his fingers, legs shaking, juices leaking out of you and into the tub. He let you ride it out, until your legs had calmed and you had stopped pulsating around his fingers. He moved his hands back to your scalp, continuing the previous scalp massage.

You tried to catch your breath, his thick cock resting between your legs, you could almost see it throb. You reached in-between your legs, starting to pump his cock but he moved your hand. "No," he kissed your lips, then your forehead, "once you're feeling better we can discuss it." You moved your hand to rest on his thigh, "can we just lay here a minute?" He hummed in approval, letting you close your eyes and enjoy the moment of bliss.

After awhile, you had almost fallen asleep, Dean started to get up, slowly dragging himself out of the tub careful not to disturb you too much. Once Dean had found the towel in the under lit room he reached his hand to you, helping you stand up. You stepped out of the tub, reaching for the towel but he pulls it just out of your reach. Dean sighs, "You may feel a little better but I still want to take care of you," starting to pat you dry, making sure to get the dripping tips of your beautiful hair, "I want to, please let me." You let him finish drying you off, let him slip his own shirt and boxers on you, wondering when he'd have gotten them. You even let him carry you back to his bed. Once he laid down, you were immediately beside him, filling the perfect spot next to him. "Sleep." He commanded, it was not a suggestion, and you did.

When you woke up, your back was facing Dean, his chest pressed to you, arm wrapped tightly around you like you'd run. You turned a little to look at his sleeping form, surprised when his eyes fluttered open, "Mornin', any better?" You turned towards him, placing your leg between his, your own arm underneath his and wrapped around him, "Manageable." You laid there, for how long you weren't sure. Eventually Dean spoke up, "We should go get some breakfast." You nodded, reluctantly rolling to the side of his bed, swinging your legs over.

You and Dean walked to the kitchen, Sam already cooking, hearing you cross the threshold into the kitchen he spun around. Upon realizing you guys had gotten up he immediately grabbed the coffee pot and filled up the cup sitting next to a few pills on the counter and creamer. You gently chuckled, "What a saint," you slapped Deans arm. "I told you," Dean started as you sat down and he moved to get his own cup of coffee, "we could've helped you manage."

You started fiddling your thumbs, not able to look at the boys, "I know-sigh-I was afraid, I'm sorry, I know it's dumb but-" looking to Dean, "I was afraid I'd be too much, lose the family I've come to love. I don't know what I'd do if I lost you." Sam turned to you, pausing from the breakfast. "It's not dumb, Y/n. If you're hurting, if you're struggling, if you're afraid, we face it together, all three of us. Because you're right, we're family, and you belong here. Your problems are ours." Dean beside you now, hand placed on your back, thumb drawing small figure eight's, "We can help you, face anything this hellhole throws at us, stick together and say fuck it together," a kiss placed on your lips, pressing into you with loving force, "you just have to let me."

#supernatural fanfic #supernatural fanfiction #supernatural fluff #supernatural smut #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #dean x you #dean Winchester x you #dean smut #dean fluff #dean Winchester smut #dean Winchester fluff #dean winchester fluff #sam x y/n #sam x reader #sam x you #sam winchester fluff #sam winchester x you #sam winchester x reader

[derekmorganscrocs]

Galentines Gone Wrong

Pairing: Wendell Bray x Reader, Valentine’s Special.

Word Count: 2,623

Summary: Y/n Booth is an FBI agent who works under her brother Seeley Booth and is also partnered with the Jeffersonian. Valentines rolls around and Cam, Daisy, and Y/n are all painfully single. Brennen and Angela join in and the group decides it’s girls night, get absolutely smashed, cause major chaos and get arrested for disturbing the peace. When their counterparts show up to bail them out, girls night turns to date night... or whatever this is.

Edit, March 11th: I hate the end of this. I reread it and it’s lowkey trash, but I’m going to keep it up because people seem to be enjoying it. Just a disclaimer that this is not my best work.

Notes: Tbh I second guessed this yesterday, hence the late post. I want to clarify that Wendell IS NOT preying on a drunk girl, and there was no drunk hookup. This is definitely not my favourite thing I’ve written and I was so out of ideas for the ending, but fck it, I have a migraine and feel like the personification of death. ALSO I WOULD NEVER USE GALENTINES IRL IK ITS LAME BUT I SIMPLY DO NOT CARE. HOLDIDAY SPIRIT BABES. Anyway, on with the show.

It’s been a long night. Fun, but long. You wake up against Daisy’s side, stretching lazily, and still partially drunkenly. As you sit up, you recall the events that led to your current seat in a drunk tank.

The five of you ended up in a biker bar, huge leather-clad and big bearded dudes all over the damn place. Despite being big scary bikers, they were chill and actually bought half of your drinks. Then you and Daisy got a little too close to an attractive younger biker, and his girlfriend was not having it. So an argument turned full on brawl caused the lot of you to bail out of the bar and trek back into town.

Only you were real rowdy, laughing and singing, a little to loudly for anyone’s liking. And got the cops called on you. And got thrown in a dunk tank. Unfortunately “you can’t arrest me, I am the law” doesn’t work if you’re drunk. The cops weren’t a fan of your badge, either.

You’re torn from your thoughts at the sound of voices down the hall, and you stumble over the the bars of the cell, holding onto them for balance. A half-hour nap didn’t do much to sober you up. The voices get closer, and your friends and brother walk in. Wendell’s the first one you notice, your eyes immediately darting to him. He’s wearing a hot ass black jacket, jeans and a white T-shirt, and you stare at him for a lot longer than you should.

“Hey, BJ. Never thought I’d see you on the other side of the bars.” Hodgins laughs at your expression of annoyance, and lets the cop they’re with open the cell door. He walks over to grab Angela, and you scoff.

“I told you to stop calling me BJ. I know you mean Booth Junior, but other people might think something else,” you mutter, much less than impressed at the innuendo tied to the nickname.

Your brother and Sweets go collect Brennan and Daisy, and Cam stands up on her own. She’s the most level-headed of all of you, and she’s completely sobered up now. Wendell walks to your side, your brother is too occupied with his (much less coordinated than you are) wife. Wendell puts an arm around you, and you gladly lean into him, hands settling on his chest.

“You’ll never guess what we did,” you giggle drunkenly against Wendell’s chest, overcome with the giddiness of a schoolgirl with a crush.

“Apparently you guys disturbed a lot of peace.” Wendell has somewhat of an impressed/concerned/entertained smirk on his face. He looks down at you, massively interested in the story as to how you got here. Not that he’ll hear it anytime soon.

“How’d you know?!” You look up at him with surprise written all over your face, a gasp escaping your lips, and it takes a lot for him not to burst out laughing.

“The sheriff told me. Let’s take you home, okay?”

“Okay,” you mumble, much more sullenly than five seconds ago.

Wendell keeps an arm around you, more than a little worried that you’re gonna fall over, and takes you to his car. You get in the front seat, smacking his hand away as he tries to help with your seatbelt. After successfully buckling the seatbelt, you glance back at him with a smirk.

“You know if you wanted to get on top of me all you had to do was ask.”

Wendell nearly chokes and dies at what you’re insinuating. He’s also not sure if this is the tequila talking or if it’s you talking. Composing himself quickly, he lets out a chuckle, saying something along the lines of ‘okay then,’ and closes the door for you. He walks around the front of the car, making his way to the driver’s seat. Hodgins drives by, Angela and Cam in the car with him, and waves as he heads home.

Seeley pulls up beside Wendell, looking at him sternly. Daisy and Brennen are singing in the back seat, and Wendell can see Sweets in the front seat, holding back laughter. It’s a funny sight really, the usually stoic Dr. Brennen and overly excitable Daisy, swaying together in the back seat singing an off-key rendition of piano man. Seeley makes a face at a certain piercing high note that comes from Dr. Brennan, before turning to Wendell.

“Listen man, I appreciate it. If we didn’t live on the opposite side of town, I’d take her home.” Seeley leans out the window slightly, looking at Wendell.

“It’s no problem, really.” Wendell smiles, giving your brother a small wave as he turns to get in his car. “I’ll make sure she gets home safe.”

“Wait! Not that I think you will, but don’t try anything. Alright?”

“Course not, man. Don’t worry, I got this. Head home, I’ll text you when I get Y/n home.” Wendell knows your brother means no harm, obviously, yet can’t help but think about why he’d even think to say that to him.

When he gets back in the car, seeing you sleeping soundly in the passenger seat, curled up and leaning against the window, his worries melt away and he smiles. He turns the car on and lowers the radio volume before driving off.

Tonight summarizes the two of you pretty well, actually. Y/n, the chaotic do-good-er badass, and Wendell, the (sometimes also chaotic) best friend, who always has your back. Sometimes it pains him that you only see him as that, a best friend, but he’s okay with just being that. A friend. Because it means he gets to see you happy. Little does he know, you wouldn’t have gotten so sauced tonight if you weren’t drinking away the thoughts of his lips on yours, his skin pressed against yours as the night turns to morning, the idea of a spark that doesn’t exist. The day of love sucks.

And for some reason, neither of you can see that you’re crazy about each other. Maybe it’s because you’re afraid to ruin what you have, or maybe it’s because you’re both just oblivious, but it doesn’t make a huge difference. Nothing seems to be happening.

Wendell is occupied with a lot of thoughts as he drives to your place. His mind bounces all over the place. He thinks about how you met, when you first walked into the Jeffersonian covered in dirt and sweat (in a cute way... even though he thinks anything is cute on you) after a chase in the desert, just to see your brother and make sure he was okay. He also thinks about the time he literally ran into you and the two of you fell down the platform stairs. The alarms went off, and everyone stared at the pair of you tangled up on the floor. Needless to say it took a while to live that one down. He thinks about every time he’s seen you laugh, and the few that he’s seen you cry. Not that you really even cried, you just couldn’t hold back the tears anymore. You don’t exactly do emotions, not out in the open at least.

He thinks about every reason he’s so smitten with you. You’re courageous, selfless, you protect your friends and family, you’re cutthroat and ferocious, yet simultaneously the sweetest person he’s ever met. You care about every detail of his day when you ask how he’s doing, and you can tell when the slightest thing is off with him, or anyone else at the lab, except for noticing his flaming crush on you. And as he thinks about all the little things, he realizes it can’t stay bottled up forever. He has to tell you.

Before long, you’re home. The two and a half hour drive have Wendell a lot of time to think, yet somehow it also feels like he’s had no time at all. The time has also started your trail toward sobriety, and you can at least think coherently. Wendell wakes you, and when you wake up, your hand goes to your head.

“Good god. Did I get hit by a bus?” Your words are still slightly jumbled together, but you’re getting back to business as usual, and that’s good enough.

“There she is,” he singsongs playfully, glad to see your usual demeanour starting to return. You unbuckle your seatbelt, groaning when you go to move. Wendell offers you a hand, and you take it.

Helping you up, he puts an arm around your waist again. You stumble slightly, and when he catches you, you fall against him, leaning against his chest. He ends up just scooping you up off the ground and carrying you inside, placing you on the couch. You’re mostly in good shape, just awful clumsy and distracted due to your headache. Wendell heads into the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water and some crackers.

“How you doing?” He sits by your thigh, putting an arm on the back of the couch and looking over at you. You cover your face with your hands, laughing gently.

“Ugh, please tell me I didn’t actually make the worst sex implication joke ever.”

“Um...”

“Oh shit. This is embarrassing.” You sit up, still a little tipsy, but not as messed up as you were at the police station. Maybe if things go off you can play it off as Valentine’s tequila. “Fuck it. I’m just gonna go for it. Tonight was fun or whatever, but I really wanted to spend it with you.”

“We could’ve done that. We can hang out this weekend if you want.”

“No, no. You really are a blonde.” You laugh, nudging his shoulder with your fist. Suddenly nervous, you start to ramble. “Not that that’s bad, because you’re definitely pretty. You’re a cute blonde, and you do have really nice arms, they’re really toned, and you know, at the garage you wear these tight shirts and sometimes I just stare and I worry you see, but-“

“Y/n! You’re getting off track here.” He puts a hand on your shoulder, laughing at your rambles. “Maybe we should talk about this tomorrow.”

“I like you a lot.” The words are out of your mouth before he’s even finished his sentence. “Like I have feelings for you?” It comes out like a question, but it’s meant as more of a fearful statement.

“Wait, really?” His eyes widen and his smile falls. At first you think he’s about to run for the hills, but when a small smile appears on his face you’re not so sure.

“Ah, shit, I shouldn’t have said anything,” you curse, rolling your eyes at your own stupidity. That’s fuckin embarrassing.

“No, I like you, too. A lot.” Wendell takes your hand, and you lay against his side as he keeps talking. “We can talk more, when you’re sober. But I do like you. And I think that if we decided that this weekend’s hangout was more ‘ice skating in the park’ instead of ‘trying to kill each other at the rink’, I’d be more than okay with that. I’d like that a lot, actually.” He lets out a small, nervous chuckle, and he glances down at you, fingers grazing your cheek as he contemplates if it would be weird to cup your face with his hand and run his thumb over your cheek.

“Really?” You look up at him with an adorable awestruck expression, and he nearly bursts out laughing.

“Yeah, really.” A smile stays glued to his face, and he shifts slightly, which causes you to sit up. “Now, you should probably go to bed, so that you’re not completely useless tomorrow.”

Wendell plants a small kiss on the top of your head, before standing and scooping you up, bringing you to your room. He drops you gently on your bed, and you let out a small giggle as you bounce slightly with the impact. You banish him from your room so that you can change, and not really paying attention, grab a black hoodie and shorts out of your closet. When you open the door again, he’s just leaning against the wall outside.

“Sorry, I didn’t know where you wanted me to set up- is that my hoodie? I’ve been looking for that!”

“Huh?” You look down at the sweater, seeing the small Jeffersonian logo on the left side of the chest, and the initials on the sleeve. “Oh, I guess it is.” You remember when he gave it to you, he couldn’t stand the idea of you remaining in your blood soaked T-shirt, the grey had become a sticky maroon, too much so to be comfortable. “You can have it back-“

“No, you keep it.” He steps closer, lifting your chin so that you look at him, and brushing a stray hair out of your face. His voice drops, becoming softer and breathy. “It’s much cuter on you anyway,” he murmurs, making you blush profusely, a little laugh escaping your lips.

The two of you fall silent, each staring at the other’s lips. A hum comes from the furnace, causing you both to startle slightly, and it ends the moment. You glance back at Wendell again, before sitting on your bed. He tilts his head at you, mildly confused as to what you’re doing.

“Where did you want me to sleep?”

“Wherever you want. There’s blankets and a few pillows in the closet.”

He thanks you and walks out, and you breathe in deeply, not realizing how shallow your breathing had become. Your mind is racing, and so is your heart. This is simultaneously about the best and worst Valentine’s you’ve ever had. As you mull over the events of tonight, you slide under the blankets, laying back and staring at the ceiling. The shuffling in your living room comes to a stop, and you can hear Wendell coming back to your room. He stops in the doorway.

“Came back to say goodnight,” he says softly, making your heart melt.

“You mind staying for a while?” You sit up, looking at him. He glances over his shoulder at you, a perplexed expression plastered on his face. “What?! I’ve had a rough night,” you say, pretending to be offended. He makes his way over, laying on your bed, on top of the blankets. You roll over and face him, looking up at him lazily. “Goodnight, Wendell.”

You drift off to sleep fairly quickly, but not before you subconsciously lay your head on his chest. He’s terrified at first, frozen in place and afraid to breathe, but after a few minutes he collects himself and calms down. You sleep soundly, curled up beside Wendell. He’s warm and he smells good, and he’s pretty comfortable. By the morning, the two of you are completely intertwined, tangled in blankets and each others’ arms.

The two of you grab a greasy breakfast (and some Advil) and spend the day together, actually talking about what happened the night before. Most of the day is spent at your place, you and Wendell lounging around on your couch as you binge watch your favourite series and try to overcome your hangover.

The next days and weeks fly by, you and Wendell getting closer and closer. The pair of you go on a few dates before things are made official, Wendell going as far as taking you on a walk in the snow and officially asking you out by the outdoor rink. He even reserved ice time so the two of you could skate around like idiots and pass a puck around.

And eventually, when people start to see you’re together, and ask about your story, you have to tell them he bailed you out of jail after Galantine’s gone wrong.

#bones #wendell bray x reader #wendell bray #seeley booth #cam saroyan #temperance brennan #angela montenegro #daisy wick #y/n #bonestv #x reader #wendell bray x you #happy galentines #happy valentine’s #valentines

[letshaikyuu]

𝐎𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚, 𝐔𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐚, 𝐀𝐤𝐚𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐓𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐜𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐬/𝐨

𝐑𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭: kat!! heyy,, i really liked your hcs for 'scaring ur s/o' as it did hit close to home.. but! i was wondering if you could do the same thing with oikawa, akaashi, ushijima and tendou!! thank you in advance 🥰 - @iwaixiumi - hope you’ll like this honey ;3

𝐖𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠: mentions of abuse; female reader

𝐧𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭; 𝐧𝐚𝐯𝐢𝐠𝐚𝐭𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐈 

𝐮𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐜𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐬𝐚𝐯𝐞 𝐬𝐩𝐚𝐜𝐞

𝐎𝐢𝐤𝐚𝐰𝐚 𝐓𝐨𝐨𝐫𝐮

Arguments with him always get heated because there’s no way Oikawa will admit he’s wrong or even think he’s wrong. He’d rather pick a fight than admit to such ‘accusations’. So, if you have a fiery spirit as well, it doesn’t always end well. This argument in particular definitely started over something small and stupid, but it quickly escalated. Oikawa is someone who tends to yell a lot during arguments, and this was no different.

When Oikawa feels like he’s cornered, he tends to snap and say something out of spite. He has a venomous tongue when needed and he’s not afraid to use it in these situations. Oikawa hits too close to home when he says something he knows is going to hurt you. It brings back awful flashbacks and the only thing you could do is outwardly curse at him, and run off back into your room. Oikawa doesn’t realize at first just how much that hurt, but once he hears the loud sniffling coming out of your room...he knows he has fucked up

Doesn’t know what to say or do. He comes into the room and breaks down with you, apologizing profusely for his words and actions. Terrified that he will lose you because of this, Oikawa waits on you hand and foot. Wants to show you just how much he cares and that this is something that happened once in a blue moon. Most likely talks this through with you because otherwise, something like this may happen again because of his bad temper

‘There’s no way I’m saying something like that again...please don’t leave me-’

𝐔𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐣𝐢𝐦𝐚 𝐖𝐚𝐤𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐬𝐡𝐢

When Ushijima gets angry, it’s really terrifying to look at that and be the cause of it. His eyes narrow and there’s basically steam coming out of his ears. He despises arguments because they’re not necessary. If you have something to say, you should say it in a calm and collected manner. But, he is the type of person that looks like he doesn’t care about what you’re talking about, so it’s no surprise that you were at your wits end

Once the argument continues on for a few minutes, he starts losing his cool and there’s always a prominent vein that pops up on his forehead. Tries to stay calm and control his breathing, but if you keep throwing comments and adding fuel, he is quick to react. Like Bokuto, he needs to channel his anger somewhere and it’s usually on the nearest surface. It sounds like a bomb than just a person punching a table ngl. I don’t feel like Ushijima would remember about your fear and past in these situations, so he doesn’t notice how you start trembling in fear and cowering away from him.

Thankfully he isn’t stupid and is quick to realize what’s going on. He can be the most dense piece of human cells ever, but I feel like he’d want to embrace you or at least have some kind of physical contact. Sometimes his dense ass is helpful in these situations because he openly tells you about his feelings for you. One time were him not sugarcoating things is helpful tbh

‘I am certain of my feelings for you, so don’t worry about something like that’

𝐀𝐤𝐚𝐚𝐬𝐡𝐢 𝐊𝐞𝐢𝐣𝐢

He also strikes me as someone who isn’t the best at controlling their tongue. Tries to avoid arguments as much as possible, but when they’re bound to happen, Akaashi wants them to end as quickly as possible. They just cause unnecessary headaches and go nowhere. Akaashi is most likely aware of the situation with your parents, but because of the anger, he just blurted out mean words

The moment those words came out of his mouth, Akaashi knows that it wasn’t the right thing to do. He groans and forcefully face palms, not looking at you because he can hear how distressed you’re becoming. What was he thinking when he said ‘who taught you to act like such a bitch’, that definitely wasn’t something he wanted to say. He lets you hit him, curse at him, scream at him, anything to ease you of the pain. When you’re finally calm and now crying softly into his chest, Akaashi picks you up and carries you to the bedroom

No further words are exchanged between the two of you as Akaashi’s fingers gently caress your hair and the occasional whisper in your ear. He wants you to feel him physically and he hopes that’s enough for now. Tomorrow, when you are both more calm, he wants to openly address the argument and mishap. There’s no way he’s letting this go without a proper talk

‘I know I shouldn’t have done that...I can’t apologize enough...’

𝐓𝐞𝐧𝐝𝐨𝐮 𝐒𝐚𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐢

Arguments with him always feel one-sided because Satori acts so nonchalant during them. It’s like you’re screaming at him and he’s just drinking tea while listening to you rant. Definitely doesn’t show you how much some of your words are affecting him, so it’s easier for him to smile through the pain. He thinks it’s better to act like he doesn’t care than openly arguing with you

When he feels like the argument is going nowhere and that you’re just repeating the same comments over and over again, he is right there to end this whole dispute with one sentence. ‘Haven’t your parents thought you that you have to have valid arguments while figthing?’ Cue you freezing up at the mention of your parents and Satori’s casual smirk on his face. If he didn’t know about your parents, he feels like a complete asshole. If he did know, then that information hits him over the head seconds too late because he had already spoken. Either way, he was not ready for massive tears to start rolling down your face and for you to throw the nearest object to you at his face. Thankfully it was a kitchen rug.

How he handles the aftermath? He keeps blaming himself over and over again, feeling like he can’t have anything nice because he always fucks up somehow. It’s like both of you awoke your deepest secrets and fears at the same time. You with your parents, and Satori with his loneliness. So, the only way he’d solve this is by either letting you cool down for the day or openly expressing his feelings and the way he acted.

‘This is why you don’t need someone like me, I’ll always end up hurting you...’

#oikawa x reader #oikawa tooru #hq oikawa #oikawa headcanons #ushijima wakatoshi #ushijima x reader #ushijima headcanons #akaashi keiji #akaashi x reader #hq akaashi #tendou satori #hq tendou #tendou x reader #haikyuu tendou #haikyuu #haikyū!! #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu headcanons #hq x reader #hq

[lunarmessenger]

MC Going Through a Depressive Episode (Part 2) - Jaehee and Jumin

warnings: mentions of depression, suicide, and self harming.

part three shall be up tomorrow with 707, V, and Saeran!

Jaehee

• Jaehee has lost people before but she never really let herself feel those emotions

• So when you'd first explained to her that you sometimes had depressive episodes she was understanding, but didn't really...get it, at first

• Until she saw one

• She'd noticed that you were having frequent headaches and stomach pains, though you were acting as normal as usual with both diet and activity

• But she did see that you weren't as interested in conversing with people, or even her

• "MC, do you mind if we talk for a moment?"

• She decided to address it one night before bed, so while the two of you lie there she decided to carefully approach the issue

• "Do we need to see a doctor? I've noticed that your head has been hurting much more than normal."

• You slowly shook your head, giving a shaky sigh as you bit your lip

• "This happens every now and then, Jaehee. When my depression gets worse, my body tends to get random pains."

• She was absolutely shocked by this information because??? No idea that the brain could literally do that?

• "I'm so sorry MC, is there anything I can do to make the pain more bearable?”

• She always kept a small bottle of ibuprofen around and would constantly offer up her shoulder or lap for you to lie down on if the pain became too much

• Constantly asked Jumin to find the best medical advisors for you so they could help you figure out how to manage your depression better so the physical symptoms wouldn’t be so bad

Jumin

• The king of repressed emotions

• Depression? We don’t know her, sorry

• But really though he doesn’t really take your depression seriously since he’d seen your episodes before (pretty mild cases tbh nothing too serious)

• Then one night you had a very very bad episode; you were shocked to actually see him so...emotional

• He’d found you with fresh slits on your thighs; and you hadn’t meant for him to find them, really

• His fingers were gentle as they glided over the raised and irritated skin, cutting across flesh that he was so used to treating tenderly with his touch and lips

• “You can yell at me if you want to. Scream at me. Wouldn’t be the first time.”

• Your voice was disconnected, almost robotic, and that in of itself was enough to push him over the edge

• “Why didn’t you tell me you were feeling this way MC?!” His eyes were dark, but not with anger; more so sadness and disappointment with himself.

• That alone made you tear up as you bit your lip to hide the sobs, looking down

• He forcefully grabbed your chin, making you look into his eyes as tears fell down his cheeks

• “All I want is your happiness; what is the point of us being together if you cannot share with me when you are not happy, MC?! God, what have I done wrong...?”

• That made you frantically shake your head as you clutched the end of your pajama shirt, squeezing your eyes shut as you softly spoke back to him

• “You didn’t do anything...I’m just having a really bad relapse. I’m sorry Jumin, but I swear on everything that this has nothing to do with you. I just wanted to release my pain...”

• He held you close and tight that night after cleaning your self inflicted wounds and bandaging them up, the two of you crying yourselves to sleep

• The next morning he went over a list of the best psychiatrists in the city to help you get through your depression in a healthier way

#jumin #jumin han #jaehee #jaehee kang #my BABIES #i love them so much wtf #mystic messenger #mystic messenger headcanons #headcanons #depression #mystic messenger jumin #mystic messenger jumin han #mystic messenger jaehee #mystic messenger jaehee kang #mm #mysme jaehee #mysme jumin #lunarmessenger

[purplesurveys]

1216

1. Can you remember what you were doing at 8:15 this morning? I think I was just taking my morning shower.

2. In your phone’s contacts, who is the first person listed under the letter ‘R’? When did you last see that person? Berns, an orgmate of mine. Idk, we’re not close so the last time I saw was definitely before the pandemic. 

3. If someone is sticking their nose into your business where it isn’t wanted, how would you deal with that? Would you say something to them? I just wouldn’t share too much.

4. What did you have for lunch today? Or, if you haven’t had lunch yet, what do you think you will have? Surprisingly enough I had food this noon! Bea sent over a box of pizza...there was no occasion, so I really appreciated the gesture.

5. Is there someone you desperately want to see/speak to atm, but you can’t? Nah. I want to be alone right now, so that’s working out well for me.

6. Do you and your significant other have a special song? What is it? I don’t have a significant other.

7. If you HAD to sing something on karaoke, what song would you choose? It’s definitely not on most karaoke machines but I would for sure pick UGH! by BTS.

8. Can you remember the last time you felt ill? What was wrong with you? Maybe a month or so ago. I had daily headaches back when I had to work without glasses.

9. What time is it now? Are you tired? 8:19 PM. I’m pretty awake, but I’m emotionally exhausted. I went downstairs for dinner in an upbeat mood even though I was left tired from work, only to be greeted by really bitter and stressed vibes from my parents. I tried to be really cheery the whole time, but all their replies were just laced with annoyance or unenthusiasm. It was so fucking draining. I get that we have our off days, but I really wish people didn’t take out or spread their bad vibes to other people, much less their kids. Anyway, I feel less happy now and I feel that’s so unfair.

10. If you wear make-up, do you take it with you, to reapply throughout the day? Does your make-up stay for a long time after you first apply it, or do you find that you need to reapply often? Are you wearing any make-up atm? I never wear makeup :/ I put some on myself for the first time in YEARS last week for an important virtual event, and tbh I surprised myself with how decent my work on myself was since I didn’t know the first thing about makeup. I still don’t know how I pulled it off but at least I now know I could actually give it a shot and not have it turn out horribly.

11. What if you found the last person you kissed, in bed with the last person you texted? I would be very...confused? They’re worlds away from each other.

12. The last person you held hands with - have you ever kissed them? No.

13. Can you remember what your parents bought you for Christmas last year? My mom got me a foldable laptop stand that I could use in bed; my dad got me a pair of socks he knew I’d like.

14. Think about the person you fell hardest for. Why do you think your feelings for this person were so strong? How is he/she different compared to everyone else you’ve had feelings for? Because I felt like I could help her and save her.

30. Have you ever caught your friend cheating on their boyfriend/girlfriend? If you have, what did you do about it? If you haven’t, what do you think you would do? No, and I don’t think I would tolerate that shit either.

31. When your last relationship ended, how long was it before you felt ready to think about being with someone else? I’m still in the phase of not wanting to be with someone else. I was involved with the person for a really long time; and it feels genuinely nice to be by myself for now.

32. Has any of your friends ever had a boyfriend/girlfriend that you found attractive, and you would secretly have liked to have for yourself? I don’t think so, no.

33. How many guys do you know named Matthew? A couple.

34. Think about the last person that made you cry. Would that person be there for you if you needed help? I feel like she would if I reached out. But she would also probably just offer ‘help’ I didn’t need since her go-to advice for everything is to just pray.

35. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to sleep last night? Do you remember what you talked about? Angela and Reena in our little groupchat, I think. We were just talking about BTS since that’s the purpose of our chat anyway. 

36. Has someone of the opposite sex made you cry at any point during the last 24 hours? I cried over a boy band’s song like 10 minutes ago, does that count?

37. Is there anything you would like to say to your most recent ex? Mmh, not really.

38. If your friends are sexually active but you aren’t, does that bother you? Have you ever felt pressured to have sex before you were ready, because your friends had done it? No. Sex doesn’t really mean a lot to me.

39. In your opinion, what is the difference between having a crush and being in love? Have your own experiences helped you to realise that there is a difference? I feel like a crush for the most part just refers to physical attraction, like fantasizing about kissing or cuddling them or whatnot. Obviously being in love goes beyond that.

40. Did the last person you hugged have any of these letters in their name: T, R, K, P, J? She has three of these letters in her whole name, but none in her nickname.

41. What’s the most unhealthy thing you’ve eaten in the last 24 hours? Pizza.

42. What was the last compliment you received from someone of the opposite sex? I don’t even remember.

43. Who did you last say ‘I love you’ to? What colour are that person’s eyes? Andi, I think. Black/dark brown.

44. If you took away the first and third letters of your name, what would you then be called? Oyn.

45. Name 7 things that make you happy, and explain how it might affect you if you had to give them up. I’d be devastated if I had to give up any of these: my dogs and my friends.

Life would suck if I lost these but the world wouldn’t end: coffee, movies, writing, traveling, the internet.

46. Think about your Facebook profile photo. What kind of assumptions do you think a stranger might make about you, from seeing that photograph? Would any of these assumptions be correct? Someone who doesn’t know jackshit about lighting. Yes, they would be correct.

47. You buy a bar of chocolate, but you decide that you don’t want to eat it now, and put it in the fridge. When you go back later, half of it’s gone - someone else has started eating it! Who are you most likely to blame? My mom.

48. Choose 5 friends, and talk briefly about each person’s longest/most serious relationship. Who was the relationship with, and how long did it last? I wouldn’t talk about someone else’s personal life on here.

49. Do you think it’s wrong for someone to commit themselves to a long-term relationship at a young age? Explain. No? I don’t understand why it’s wrong. Life turns out that way for some people, and if it also turns out to last, then all the better for them.

50. Is there something happening in the near future, that you’re looking forward to? Erm...the weekend? Hahaha.

#survey #surveys

[iamfallinforeverything]

First Love (3/4)

Sorry that it took me so long, but the past few days were actually more stressful than I thought. Anyway, here it is finally. Hope you like it 🤗 Also there is def going to be a fourth part. I wanted to finish this little series with this part then it would have taken me even longer to finish that part and I didn’t wanted that 

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 

Fandom: The Vampire Diaries, The Originals (Kol Mikaelson) 

Summary: The rest of the Mikaelson family learn about your little problem with leaving the property.

Words: + 1.9k (I missed 2k by just a few words 😒)

Warnings: swearing, i can’t think of anything else tbh 

Last Time: 

I didn't really remember how I got into the room either. All I knew was that Elijah had helped me. And after that, it was all just a blur. Damn alcohol.

And please, don’t ask me where the stupid blanket went that Elijah put around my shoulders because I don’t have a fucking clue.  

***

When I woke up, my head was pounding. I've rarely had such a headache. But I knew exactly what helped to relieve a headache. Hopefully there would be something like what I needed.

Exhausted, I stretched and looked around. Slowly the memories of yesterday came back. So my mood sank somewhere in the area of the earth's core. I had absolutely no desire for what was coming to me in the near future. Ha, especially how should I explain to my parents that I was stuck here? Hopefully someone of my ancestors had already done so. I don't know how, but maybe I got lucky.

Why were my ancestors such assholes anyway? I hadn't done anything bad to them. Yeah okay, except for asking for help and maybe I had been a little bit naughty and ungrateful once or twice for the life I had. But who hadn't sometimes?

Defeanded I finally got up. I had no choice anyway and I needed something for the headache. Besides, if I ever wanted to be free again, I had to find a way to turn the Mikaelson siblings back into humans. And somehow I would have to convince Niklaus that being human wasn't as bad as he thought.

Surprisingly, I even wore yesterday's dress. It had just changed back to its original color. My father's spells didn't last very long. In the trunk of my car there should theoretically still be my suitcase. Maybe I could bring it here with a simple bringing spell.

A small gust of wind opened all doors for the transport and a few minutes later my suitcase was in front of me. So my car was open again. Thank God. It wouldn't help me though.

Quickly I changed my dress for my favourite trousers and top, slipped into some socks and put on my favourite shoes.  I combed my hair once and breathed deeply.

At some point I had to get out of this room anyway. It's best if I just get it over.

One last time I went through my hair and made my way out. I immediately heard voices from downstairs and made my way there. I had to get through it now.

Carefully I went to the room where the voices came from. Immediately everyone became quiet when they saw me. Everyone was there, even Kol. Somehow my heart became heavy when I saw his smile disappear when he looked at me, but I just pushed that feeling aside. Right now I had far worse problems than understanding this strange situation with Kol.

"What does the little witch still want here?" Niklaus asked and pointed at me with a downward hand gesture.

"She can't leave.", Elijah replied and smiled at me friendly. At least someone.

"Pardon?"

"My ancestors bound me to this property. I can't leave until I've fulfilled my promise.", I explained.

"Oh, wonderful." mumbled Finn, rolled his eyes and sighed. "I'm off. Your problem."  

I rolled with my eyes. Finn was definitely someone who was extremely annoying. I'd like to turn that jerk back into a human being. Maybe then he wouldn't be such an asshole anymore.

"So now we get to entertain the little witch and help her destroy our lives?" Niklaus asked and looked at his brothers.

"She's stuck here. Either way, she's not getting out of here. We can help her find a way back out. We owe it to her.", Elijah replied.

"You and your stupid honor feeling Elijah.", Niklaus rolled his eyes. Kol was completely silent and looked apathetic to the floor.

Silently I looked back and forth between the brothers. They were wildly arguing. As if I had chosen to be stuck here. I could think of at least a thousand things I would rather do than rot here on this property. Let's be realistic. Finding the cure for vampirism was very unrealistc. How many witches had tried and failed before me? Why should I of all people be able to find such a cure?

At some point I just turned around, annoyed, and left the three of them behind. I didn't care. So I need to help myself. I left the building and wandered around in the garden. Maybe I should call my parents first before I did anything else.

I looked for a quiet place and got my cell phone from my pocket. That would be fun for sure. I sat down in the grass and dialed my mother's contact. With trembling hands I held my cell phone to my ear.

"Y/N?", my mother answered the phone.

"Mommy.", I started crying as soon as I heard her voice.

"What happened?"

"I'm stuck here. Our ancestors tied me to the property and I am too weak to break the spell. I can't leave, mom.", I cried.

"Why? What happened Y/N?"

And then I told her about yesterday. About Esther and the Mikaelson siblings. About my promise and about Maila.

"Oh Y/N... "You've really screwed yourself, my love.", was the first thing my mother said.

I laughed and wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"I know.", I replied.

"Good. I'll talk to our circle now and get back to you, okay? Don't be afraid, you are strong. You can stand up to them if you have to."

"I know, Mom. But I just want to go home."

"I know, honey, I know. I'll help you. We can do this."

"Thanks, Mom."

"See you later. Call you soon."

"See you later, Mom.”

She hung up and I took my phone from my ear and put it next to me. I took a deep breath and wiped my face. Only I could shit like that.

***

A little time passed and I was still bound to the Mikaelson property. And I hadn't really gotten any further with that either.

I had the spell that Esther cast back then. I knew what she had used and what she had bound the spell to, but it didn't really help me.

I didn't have an antidote or a removal spell.

Elijah helped me where he could. He would get me ingredients, talk to other witches, update my parents. I had made friends with him and he was the only one I trusted here. I had not seen Finn since he left on my first day here, which I was very happy about. Klaus avoided me and with Rebekah I had already made the one or other girls evening. I got along well with her, but I could not really trust her that much. She was too loyal to Klaus for that.

And Kol was a whole other situation. I could still feel this weird bond between us. It was like our souls were bound together in ways that made no sense. Why would a witch's soul be sired to a vampire's? Who would do such a thing?   Besides, soul spells were terribly complicated and hard spells. They always involved a great sacrifice. Who would willingly make that sacrifice? It was stupid. Anyone who cast a soul spell was just terribly stupid.

But today was my father's birthday and I was still stuck here. I couldn't be there and they couldn't get to me. I was bound to the property and my family was kept away. They couldn't even come close. I couldn't even see them through the barrier. Fortunately, there were other ways to see my family's faces. It was already dark and I was standing outside in the garden, one of my favorite places here. I held my mobile phone up to my face. My parents smiled into their camera and showed me everyone. It was nice to see everyone, but I just wanted to go home even more.

There had to be another way. My ancestors were little beasts, but they weren't thtat cruel. There was a loophole, there always was. I just had to find it.

After my parents and I hung up, I wandered around the garden a bit, helped some sick plants and just enjoying the fresh air.

But some time later I spotted Kol. He was standing in front of a flowerbed with an old type of flower. They were my favourite flowers and I often stood in front of the field myself.

I don't know what it was, but something drew me to him. I had a strong need to be near him.

Carefully I walked towards him and just stood next to him. That was enough for me, even if it did not calm this annoying desire.

Kol sighed when I came to stand next to him. He could feel it as well as I did.

"You are so different from her.", Kol sighed without looking at me. I knew immediately that he meant Maila.

"What do you mean?", I asked.

"You look like her. Everything about you looks like her, but your personality, what makes you who you are, is so different. She was quiet, withdrawn, good. But she could also rebel, stand up for what she felt was right, fight for what she loved."

I could do that too. Kol just hadn't seen it yet because he always avoided me.

"And you are so different. I can't describe it, but your whole personality is different."

"Is that bad?"

"No. It's just...", he didn't finish, instead he turned away from me and ran a few steps towards the house.

I could feel the soul spell right away. My heart immediately grew heavy and contracted in pain.

"Stupid soul spell.", I gasped and put my hand on my chest, right where my heart was sitting.

I looked at Kol. He had a posture similar to mine. Once you gave in, it was hard to take your distance again.

"You feel that too?", Kol asked and turned to me. Just the fact that he looked at me made my heart lighten again.

"Yes. I'm pretty sure it's a soul spell. Someone has bound our souls together so we can find each other again in every life."

"In every life?"

"There is more than just this Kol.", I smiled at him.

He just sighed and came one step closer. My heart became a little lighter again.

"There was nothing like this enchantment between Maila and me. It never felt that way between us. So why is it between the two of us like that?", Kol became angry.

His whole look and nature changed. He stood up straight, stuck out his chest and pulled his eyebrows together.

"I don't know. Soul spells require great sacrifice. Not many practice these spells."

And then it looked like a light was switched on. Like someone had found the last missing piece of the puzzle

"Of course.", he muttered and shook his head.

His posture loosened again. I relaxed, as well.

And then he just disappeared. Fucking vampire speed. But this time my heart didn't hurt. Kol had a different intention this time with his disappearance.

I waited a moment for him to return. He didn't come back.

Sighing, I turned around and looked into the field of flowers in front of me. No flower was like the other and that is why I loved this kind of flower so much. Every flower was different, unique, but somehow they were similar.

I wonder what kind of "enlightenment" Kol had before he left. I would probably never learn about it anyway.

But who the hell would link our souls together? Who would bind us together? Especially why?

And then it clicked for me as well and I wanted to kick my own ass. That I didn't think of it before.

#the vampire diaries imagine #the vampire diaries #the vampire diares imagines #the originals #the originals imagine #the originals imagines #kol mikaelson #kol mikaelson imagines #kol mikaelson imagine #elijah mikaelson #elijah mikealson imagine #klaus mikaelson #klaus imagine #First Love #lills pieces

[toxicsquad]

There is no better way to get to know someone than through a good question tag. In this case we have decided to make an Indie game dev question tag with the responses of our four developers. We hope that it will reveal many unknowns, but if you are left with any questions, do not hesitate to use our ask.

What part of game development are you responsible for?

Athe: I write and write, I melt in my seat, I correct, I cry and then I program. It’s an endless cycle. Occasionally I laugh like crazy while I eat Pringles.

Sam: I draw and color without leaving the lines (almost always) the sprites, the illustrations and the ravings that usually occur to us past 3 in the morning.

Illy: English translations.

Sher: I draw BGs

What tools do you use (hardware / software)?

Athe: Recently my desktop PC has passed away, so I’ve had to rescue my old PC from the garage. I also have a laptop that saves my life more times than I would like to admit. As for the software, I need, above all, drive documents, video editing programs, image etc (I have an Adobe package) and of course Renpy and Atom.

Sam: My main friend and companion is my tablet, a wacom intuos S (pistachio color, so cute). As programs I mainly use the Paint Tool Sai, because there is nothing in this life like its stabilizer. And less frequently than I would like (for details, texture brushes, effects ...) I also use Clip Studio Paint, which I only know how to use at about 2% of its capacity ... If someday I have time I would love to stop and learn seriously what can be done with it.

Illy: During the school year I live in a residence, so I use an old laptop, and when I return home I use a desktop computer that never has memory space. I translate the chapters in the same Atom where the complete script is and I keep them in google drive files where I share them with our beta reader. I also use editing programs like photoshop when I have to translate comics or procreate for when my artistic skills are required.

Sher: ipad+procreate+some final tweak in photoshop, I don't need much more

What is your favorite part of the job?

Athe: Would it be wrong if I say that is when we released the episode? During the whole production time everything is very stressful, there are times when it’s really uphill, but when we release a new chapter it feels soooo good. It's like saying to yourself, yeah, dammit, I can do it. Look at everything you've climbed by yourself. You're doing it right.

Sam: In general, my favorite parts are when the first scenes start to be programmed, and I can see the sprites with the backgrounds, the texts, and how the illustrations look. Everything always looks so much better when viewed in-game… I also really like being able to check out the script as it is written. And from the artistic part that concerns me, when I see that my hands capture the idea that I had in my head ... Especially in character designs.

Illy: Having to find a way to translate very spanish expressions into English, research vocabulary that I have never had to use and commenting on some translations with our beta reader (which we adore) to make it understandable without losing the original meaning.

Sher: I like to do the lineart when the sketch is complete, if I no longer have to think about anything else and it's just going through it, I find it very fun and relaxing

What is the most difficult part for you?

Athe: Offf, yes, I admit it, sometimes writing is the WORST. Other times I love it, especially when I can expand on the descriptions or stop at a part that is intimate or that I find interesting (for example, Hasiel's conversation from 6.3, small spoiler: P). But, I HATE having to paste scenes, often the protagonist moves between scenes and you always have to add lines to those transitions that really do not interest anyone, but that otherwise the text would be confusing. Anyway... It is a very wide world, with a lot of history, I have to deal with what I need readers to know to understand the facts, although sometimes it gets a bit boring.

Sam: What part does not... Rather who e.e Zihel and Ariel are a thorn in my side. Especially Zihel. I know it has to do with the fact that it has never been my strength to draw boys, and much less if they are more masculine in appearance... That's why I also suffer a lot from drawing muscles. Another thing that brings me a headache is the perspective of the illustrations. Every time I try to get out of the typical shot or poses a little... It doesn't work out.

Illy: Doughy’s  stuttering ¬.¬

Sher: chairs, sofas, tables... anything with four legs is my enemy

Anything to help or encourage you while you are working?

Athe: I need music, no, seriously, I NEED IT. I’m unable to focus without it. If, on top of that, I can get what I hear to act as a sounding board for what I write, the text is a thousand times better... But the muse is a pretty bad person.

Sam: Having a show/movie in the background that entertains me. The longer the better, so I don't have to stop to think what I want to put on next.

Illy: Eating sunflower seeds to trick my brain and not be tempted to do something else that distracts me.

Sher: I try to see other artists to motivate and inspire me before I start drawing, what I find most difficult is that initial push and that is where I need the motivation, then I usually have something in the background but it is not necessary

Something that’s a pet peeve or discouraging?

Athe: Some narrative climax moments. Generally, they are not important plot moments (that is almost entirely decided), they are often small decisions to go from scene A to scene B, but I can spend a LOT of time deciding which is the fastest and best way to tie those two ends. I'm the worst.

Sam: Many times when starting, I can't get the poses to fit the way I want, for example.

Illy: Finding many parts in a row that I find especially difficult to solve and that make me believe that I have forgotten how to English properly. And looking at how many lines I still have left.

Sher: When I don't know how to fill in some area, if I see something very empty but I don't know how to solve it, I can spend days looking at the screen without being able to advance, even if I have other areas that I could do in the meantime

What is required on your table or work surface?

Athe: Notebooks, sticky notes, pens… I’m a person who writes everything down, especially the tasks, but I also order the story by color schemes. The stack of sticky notes have 9 different colors, each one represents a character and I play a lot with them for a lot of nonsense. Besides, even though I have been writing on the computer for many more years than I wrote by hand, I still have a preference for the analogical.

Sam: Coffee, sweets, chocolate, cereals... And cats.

Illy: My phone, the sunflower seeds, a Capital America: Civil War 1L water cup, sticky notes that remind me of tasks.

Sher: I have nothing really lol all my things are for decoration

Your most productive hours?

Athe: Owl. Totally nocturnal. Although I have several crises a month to force myself to work at other times that always end... Wrong.

Sam: Also at night for the most part, although I can no longer stay awake as long as I endured before having a job (the good old days...) However, in the middle of the afternoon, when the zoo that I have at home is still taking a nap, I also manage to go a long way.

Illy: From when I finish eating until 7 or 8 in the afternoon, when I don't have to cook, clean, run errands...

Sher: I take over for Illy apparently, from 7 or 8 is when I start to get into the mood until bedtime

Do working hours make you forget to eat or make you eat twice as much?

Athe: It depends, in the past I ate a lot, now if I have stress I don't eat anything. If I'm in a normal productive phase and I'm not on my nerves, I'm probably eating by inertia.

Sam: They make me eat more, but especially junk food e.e And they make me forget healthy meals, especially dinner at night.

Illy: It depends on my mood, but I usually eat twice as much.

Sher: I'm generally a VERY distracted person so I don't usually get to focus on a task to get to either of those two modes but I guess when I am sooooooo much on the task, I forget. But that happens like a couple of times a year and "forgetting" is "I delay an hour."

What part of your set up would you improve / change (in aesthetics or functionality) if you had no money limit?

Athe: I'm trying to match some of my peripherals with the rest. They are all a damn different color, apparently I'm cursed... Now seriously, I wish I had a better graphic card that would allow me to make video captures, some speakers and a quality printer.

Sam: Actually, I don't think I need anything more complex than what I already have… But if I had to improve something, I'm curious about the most professional tablets, the big ones with the included screen and all that stuff.

Illy: A new laptop that lets me open 4 chrome tabs, Atom and photoshop at the same time without dying.

Sher: A pc screen that will not change the colors I use on the iPad would be nice, really

Which character are you most like? And why?

Athe: Phew I think the easy answer would be to say Akane ... But, Akane is a better person. : P

Sam: This is very difficult... They are all very different, but still I do not think I look much like any of them. If I have to say something, I could identify with Maske's tendency to avoid problems, and his more homey and calm side. And well… Since Akane has been an OC of mine for many years, surely I have something of her too.

Illy: I think I partly have Maske's instinct to stay out of trouble, and on the other hand Joe's shallowness, although tbh I wish I really did look like any of our awesome babies.

Sher: surprised because (unpopular opinion around here) is one of those who I "least care" about really but I would say that Pin because he is a little dumb, happy and probably has a Satanic room and proud of it

Favorite CG/art.

Athe: AT THE MOMENT. Maske chapter 1. It couldn't be more predictable. I know.

Sam: I quite agree with Maske in chapter 1. But I would also put Pin in chapter 5 and Akane in chapter 6.2 on the top.

Illy: Kyeran in Coco's tank ?? Is he even real? Being basic is my brand.

Sher: surprised again and disappointed but I would say that of angel Hasiel because I like pretty dresses, pretty hairs and pretty wings

Favorite BG/scene.

Athe: The Red Light District amazes me. I already liked the life of that place, its history, but the way of expressing it... Uggg Sher took it to another level. The dirt on the street, the night, the constricted buildings...

Sam: I think I’ll say Raziel’s square, I like it a lot from the first day.

Illy: I don't know if I can choose just one T__T but I would say that the Red Light District and Valefar's pub are at the top.

Sher: for not repeating the red light district that I also like very much, I really like the areas of Coco's laboratory, including the “main” area although the perspective is horrible and makes the characters look tiny, but I like how it looks :(

Your favorite chapter to date?

Athe: Ufff... The first and second one I assure you no, hahaha. I will say that the third one, but also for things that are not necessarily from the chapter, but of the production. It was a good moment. I felt that everything was flowing with ease. We all assumed a clear role, they were times that made us feel comfortable and capable of assuming what came next, I think it was a qualitative leap also, both in texts and in art.

Sam: Oh. Well let's see... Chapter 5 is amazing for me, for everything that happens but also because there are many personalized interactions and choices. I can't say I have a definitive favorite, but it could come close… Also from the last ones I really like the 6.2.

Illy: Chapter 5 has so many details, so many things happen, it's hard not to be my favorite. But the last ones with the specific routes are so great that if I stay with the 5 it’s with the  pain of my heart to have to choose one.

Sher: I would say 5 also because in the end when a lot of things happen is when you remember the most

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No hay mejor forma de conocer a alguien que a través de un buen tag de preguntas. En este caso hemos decidido hacer un Indie game dev question tag con las respuestas de las cuatro desarrolladoras. Esperamos que os aclare muchas incógnitas, pero si os quedáis con alguna no dudéis en usar nuestro ask.

¿Qué parte del desarrollo del juego llevas a cabo?

Athe: Escribo, escribo, me derrito sobre mi asiento, corrijo, lloro y después programo. Es un ciclo sin fin. Ocasionalmente me río como una demente mientras como Pringles.

Sam: Dibujo y coloreo sin salirme de las líneas (casi siempre) los sprites, las ilustraciones y los desvaríos que suelen surgir a partir de las 3 de la mañana. 

Illy: Las traducciones a inglés.

Sher: Hago fonditos

¿Qué herramientas utilizas (hardware/software)?

Athe: Recientemente mi PC de sobremesa ha fallecido, así que he tenido que rescatar mi viejo PC del trastero, también tengo un portatil que me salva la vida más veces de las que me gustaría admitir. En cuanto al software, necesito, sobre todo, documentos de drive, programas de edición de video, imagen etc (tengo un paquete de Adobe) y por supuesto Renpy y Atom.

Sam: Mi principal amiga y compañera es mi tableta, una wacom intuos S (color pistacho, muy cuqui.) Como programas uso sobretodo el Paint Tool Sai, porque no hay nada en esta vida como su estabilizador. Y con menos frecuencia de lo que querría (para detalles, pinceles de texturas, efectos…) también utilizo el Clip Studio Paint, el cual sólo se usar como a un 2% de su capacidad… Si algún día tengo tiempo me encantaría pararme a aprender seriamente todo lo que se puede hacer con él. 

Illy: Durante el curso vivo en una residencia, así que uso un portatil del año que reinó carolo, y cuando vuelvo a mi casa un ordenador de sobremesa que nunca tiene espacio en la memoria. Los capítulos los traduzco en el mismo Atom en el que está el guión completo y los guardo en drive donde los comparto con nuestra beta reader. También uso programas de edición como photoshop cuando tengo que traducir viñetas o procreate para cuando mis habilidades artísticas son requeridas.

Sher: ipad+procreate+algún retoquito final en photoshop no necesito mucho más

¿Cuál es tu parte de favorita del trabajo?

Athe: ¿Estaría mal si digo que es cuando sacamos el episodio? Durante toda la producción todo es muy estresante, hay veces, que se hace realmente cuesta arriba, pero cuando liberamos un nuevo capítulo sienta taaaan bien. Es como decirte a ti misma, sí, joder, puedo hacerlo. Mira todo lo que has escalado tú solita. Lo estás haciendo bien.

Sam: En general, mis partes favoritas son cuando se empiezan a programar las primeras escenas, y puedo ver los sprites con los fondos, los textos, y cómo se ven las ilustraciones. Todo queda siempre mucho mejor cuando se ve dentro del juego… También me gusta mucho poder cotillear el guión conforme se va escribiendo. Y de la parte artística que me toca, cuando veo que mis manos plasman la idea que tenía en mi cabeza… Sobretodo en diseños de personajes. 

Illy: Tener que buscar la forma de traducir a inglés expresiones muy nuestras, investigar vocabulario que no he tenido que usar jamás y comentar algunas traducciones con nuestra beta reader (a la que adoramos) para conseguir que se entienda sin perder el significado original.

Sher: me gusta hacer el lineart cuando el sketch está completo, si ya no tengo que pensar nada más y es solo ir repasando me parece muy divertido y relajante

¿Cuál es la parte que más te cuesta?

Athe: Ufff, sí, lo admito, escribir a veces es lo PEOR. Otras me encanta, sobre todo, cuando puedo explayarme con las descripciones o detenerme en una parte íntima o que a mí me parece interesante (por ejemplo, la conversación de Hasiel del 6.3, pequeño spoiler :P). Pero, ODIO tener que empastar escenas, a menudo el protagonista se mueve de escenarios y hay que agregar siempre líneas a esas transiciones que realmente no interesan a nadie, pero que de lo contrario el texto quedaría mal montado. En fin… Es un mundo muy amplio, con mucha historia, tengo que lidiar con lo que necesito que los lectores sepan para entender los hechos, aunque a veces se haga un pelín peñazo.

Sam: Qué parte no… Quiénes, más bien e.e Zihel y Ariel son mi espinita. Especialmente Zihel. Sé que tiene que ver con el hecho de que nunca ha sido mi punto fuerte dibujar chicos, y menos si son de aspecto más masculino… Por eso también sufro mucho dibujando músculos. Otra cosa que me trae de cabeza es la perspectiva de las ilustraciones. Cada vez que intento salirme un poco del típico plano o poses… No sale bien. 

Illy: El tartamudeo de Doughy ¬.¬ 

Sher: sillas, sofás, mesas… cualquier cosa con cuatro patas son mis enemigos

¿Algo que te ayude o anime mientras estás trabajando?

Athe: Necesito música, no, en serio, LA NECESITO. Soy incapaz de concentrarme sin ella. Si ya consigo que lo que escucho haga de caja de resonancia de lo que escribo, el texto es mil veces mejor… Pero la musa es bastante mala gente.

Sam: Tener alguna serie/peli de fondo que me entretenga. Cuanto más larga mejor, así no me toca pararme a ver qué es lo que quiero poner después. 

Illy: Comer pipas para engañar a mi cerebro y no tener la tentación de ponerme a hacer otra cosa que me distraiga.

Sher: intento ver otros artistas para motivarme e inspirarme antes de empezar a dibujar, lo que más me cuesta es ese empujón inicial y es donde necesito la motivación, luego ya suelo tener algo de fondo pero no es necesario

¿Algo que te corte el rollo o te desmotive?

Athe: Los nudos narrativos. Generalmente, no son nudos gordos de la trama (eso está decidido casi en su totalidad), a menudo son decisiones pequeñas para pasar de la escena A a la escena B, pero puedo tirarme MUCHO tiempo decidiendo cuál es la forma más rápida y mejor planteada para atar esos dos cabos. Soy lo peor.

Sam: Muchas veces a la hora de empezar, no conseguir encajar las poses como quiero, por ejemplo. 

Illy: Encontrar muchas partes seguidas que me cueste especialmente resolver y que me hacen creer que no tengo ni idea de hablar inglés. Y mirar cuantas líneas me quedan todavía.

Sher: cuando no se como rellenar alguna zona, si veo algo muy vacío pero no se como solucionarlo puedo tirarme días mirando la pantalla sin ser capaz de avanzar, incluso aunque tenga otras zonas que pudiera ir haciendo mientras

¿Qué no puede faltar en tu mesa o superficie de trabajo?

Athe: Libretas, post-its, bolígrafos… Soy una persona que lo anota todo, sobre todo, las tareas, pero también ordeno la historia por esquemas de colores. La pila de post-its tienen 9 colores diferentes, cada uno representa un personaje y juego mucho con ellos para miles de idioteces. A parte, a pesar de que llevo muchos más años escribiendo a ordenador de los que escribí a mano, sigo teniendo querencia a lo físico.

Sam: Café, chucherías, chocolate, cereales… Y gatos. 

Illy: El móvil, las pipas, un vaso de 1L de agua de Capital America: Civil War, post-its que me recuerdan las tareas.

Sher: no tengo nada realmente lol todas mis cosas son de adorno 

¿Tus horas más productivas?

Athe: Búho. Nocturna totalmente. A pesar de que tengo varias crisis al mes para forzarme a trabajar a otras horas que acaban siempre… Mal.

Sam: También por la noche en su mayoría, aunque ya no aguanto trasnochando tanto como antes de trabajar (qué tiempos aquellos…) Aunque a media tarde cuando el zoo que tengo en casa aún está echando la siesta también consigo dar un buen empujón. 

Illy: Desde que acabo de comer hasta las 7 o las 8 de la tarde, cuando no tengo que cocinar, limpiar, hacer recados...

Sher: le tomo el testigo a Illy aparentemente, a partir de las 7 u 8 es cuando empiezo a entrar en el mood hasta que llega la hora de dormir

¿Las horas de trabajo hacen que te olvides de comer o te hacen comer el doble?

Athe: Depende, antes comía mucho, ahora, si tengo estrés no como nada. Si me encuentro en un rango productivo normal y no estoy de los nervios, probablemente, esté comiendo por inercia.

Sam: Me hacen comer más, pero sobretodo porquerías e.e Y hacen que me olvide de las comidas sanas, sobretodo de cenar por la noche. 

Illy: Depende de mi estado de ánimo, pero normalmente comer el doble.

Sher: en general soy una persona MUY distraída así que no suelo conseguir centrarme en una tarea para llegar a ninguno de esos dos modos pero supongo que cuando estoy muuuuuuy dentro de la tarea, me olvido. Pero eso pasa como un par de veces al año y “olvido” es “lo retraso una hora”.

¿Qué parte de tu set up mejorarías/cambiarías (en estética o funcionalidad) si no tuvieses límite de dinero?

Athe: Estoy tratando de que alguno de mis periféricos peguen con el resto. Todos son de un maldito color diferente, al parecer estoy maldita… Ahora en serio, desearía tener una mejor gráfica que me permitiese hacer videocapturas, unos altavoces y una impresora de calidad.

Sam: En realidad, no creo que necesitara nada más complejo de lo que ya tengo… Pero por mejorar, me llaman la atención las tabletas más profesionales, las grandes con la pantalla incluida y eso. 

Illy: Un portátil nuevo que me deje abrir 4 pestañas de chrome, el Atom y photoshop al mismo tiempo sin quedarse tieso.

Sher: Una pantalla de pc que no me cambiara los colores que uso en el ipad seria bonito la verdad 

¿A qué personaje te pareces más? ¿Y por qué?

Athe: Ufff Creo que la respuesta fácil sería decir Akane… Pero, Akane es mejor persona. :P

Sam: Esto es muy complicado… Son todos muy distintos, pero aún así no creo que me parezca mucho a ninguno. Por decir algo, me podría identificar con la tendencia a evitar problemas de Maske, y su lado más casero y tranquilo. Y bueno… Dado que Akane es OC mío de hace muchos años, seguramente tenga algo de ella también. 

Illy: Creo que en parte tengo el instinto de alejarme de las movidas de Maske, y por otro la superficialidad de Joe, aunque tbh ojalá parecerme realmente a nuestros bebés geniales.

Sher: sorprendida porque (unpopular opinión por aquí) es de los que “menos me importan” realmente pero diría que Pin porque es tontito, feliz y probablemente tenga una habitación satánica y orgulloso de ello

Tu CG/arte favorito.

Athe: DE MOMENTO. Maske capítulo 1. No podría ser más predecible. Lo sé.

Sam: Coincido bastante en la de Maske del capítulo 1. Pero también metería en el top la de Pin del capítulo 5 y la de Akane del capítulo 6.2. 

Illy: ¿¿Kyeran en el tanque de Coco?? ¿Es siquiera real? Ser básica es mi marca.

Sher: sorprendida de nuevo y decepcionada pero diría que la de Hasiel de ángel porque me gustan los vestidos bonitos, los pelos bonitos y las alas bonitas

Tu BG/escenario favorito.

Athe: Me flipa el Barrio Rojo. Me gusta la vida de ese sitio, su historia, pero la forma de plasmarlo… Uggg Sher lo llevó a otro nivel. La suciedad de la calle, la nocturnidad, los edificios constreñidos...

Sam: Creo que me quedo con el de la plaza de Raziel, me gusta mucho desde el primer día. 

Illy: No sé si puedo elegir solo uno T__T pero diría que el Barrio Rojo y el bar de Valefar están en el top.

Sher: por no repetir el barrio rojo que también me gusta mucho, me gustan mucho las zonas del laboratorio de Coco, incluida la zona “principal” aunque la perspectiva sea horrible y haga a los pj parecer diminutos, pero me gusto como quedo :( 

¿Tu capítulo favorito hasta las fecha?

Athe: Ufff… El uno y el dos os aseguro que no, jajaja. Diré que el tres, pero también por cosas que no son necesariamente del capítulo, sino de la producción. Fue un buen momento. Sentí que todo estaba fluyendo con facilidad. Todas asumimos un rol claro, unos tiempos que nos hacían sentir cómodas y capaces de asumir lo que venía después, creo que fue un salto cualitativo también, tanto en los textos, como en el arte.

Sam: Ay. Pues a ver… El capítulo 5 es una pasada para mi, por todo lo que pasa pero también porque hay muchas interacciones personalizadas y elecciones. No puedo decir que tenga un favorito definitivo, pero podría acercarse… También me gusta mucho de los últimos el 6.2. 

Illy: El capítulo 5 tiene tantos detalles, pasan tantas cosas, que es difícil que no sea mi favorito, pero los ultimos de rutas específicas son tan geniales que si me quedo con el 5 es con un poco de dolor de tener que elegir uno.

Sher: Diría el 5 también porque al final cuando pasan muchas cosas es cuando mas se te queda grabado

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#chr 4012 #Chronicles from 4012 #otome #otome game #visual novel #vndev #vn #indie dev #indie game #gamedev #tumblronday

[icharchivist]

The organization around this quarantine thing is such a disaster tbh. 

About two weeks ago, two of our teachers were the ones who were especially worried. 

There was the first case of covid19 in the nearby high school, and our uni, being a linguistic one in a region nearby the Italian border, has a lot of connection with centric pandemic regions in Italy, before they even shut down themselves.

Two of our teachers were concerned bc, as we just came home from holidays, a lot of people connected to the Italian branch came back to the uni as well, and nothing was really done about it. 

One of my teacher was especially mad bc there was no soap in the bathrooms of the uni for a week at that time. She told us then that she will no longer note our presences for classes (mandatory esp for those with scholarships), and encouraged us if we were scared, knew we would be weak to the virus (asthma and such), or if we knew people who were, to not go to school anymore. Told us specifically to take pictures of the soapless bathroom so if the administration bothered us, we’d send them picture going “you’re endangering us”

I’m asthmatic. I have a lot of breathing problems in general, due to a nose malformation that makes it hard to breath and flow normally. and i have allergies. Hell my seasonal illness involves coughing, headaches, nothing flowing from the nose, and lung pains, feeling tired, all those stuff. I can’t even bring up how paranoid i am. Latest cycle of said sickness kicked in with a fever which worried my mom and I had to go see a doctor in urgence a couple of days ago. I’m fine. But i feel extremely paranoid. (and it’s not like France is getting us tested wth bloodtest or something - hospitals are overbooked with the pandemy so they only take in people with very urgent symptoms. Even if you get the virus unless you’re going very bad you’re encouraged to stay at home. There’s probably a lot of cases that we don’t know of because of that.)

But anyway school still didn’t stop back then, two weeks ago. We had two teachers who took the time to sit us down and discuss it with us. How the uni was not prepared to handle it. How they both thought the uni should have closed by now, that they’re discussing it, but they don’t want to yet. 

For two weeks all we got as info was that everything was fine. Only need to clean your hands and cough in your arms. But we also had massive announcement just 5 days ago about how it was not even thought of to close schools. To close places with high work going. That we can’t let it stop us and all.

Last Wednesday, there were still clear announcement that there will be no stopping schools or work or anything. Last Friday, we were issued with a message announcing the massive closing of every schools and we were encouraged to stay at home.

Our uni, is, of course, not prepared for it. We got a few homeworks or class by mails with clear messages from our teachers telling us they’re not prepared and we will need to improvise - us students involved. Our exams, that were to happen in April, will be pushed back to May or June. For now.

On Saturday, they encouraged us to still go vote for the Mayor Elections on Sunday. Obviously, more than half of the population didn’t show up. But we were encouraged to do it still.

On Saturday, we were told to no longer go in groups in places. Something that is obvious of course, but a couple of days ago was not even issued. People stayed up late, disregarded the announcement. In the same breath we were told to not go out anywhere with many people, but to go out to do the election on Sunday still.

Mid Sunday, i get a mail from my uni residence saying that people living in those are encouraged to leave their room, whenever definitly or temporary to return to their family during the shut down of the schools.

I didn’t want to, considering my relationships with my family, but this was getting scary. We were still /encouraged/ but not obligated yet. 

I had seen my mom on the Saturday for the doctor so we discussed the possibility, and while not obligated yet, i was a bit scared. I ended up askign my mom to come pick me up. I couldn’t move out *everything* obviously, but i took already 7 bags with me. My mom originally wanted to help me move out on Monday, but the announce scared me enough i wanted to get it done then immediatly.

Sunday evening, they announce they’re going to restrict moving around. Every shops would close. My mom works in administration soe she had to go work monday still. 

Monday my mom’s employer basically tells her to take “holidays” so she doesn’t have to pay her, all while planning to pass all the mails and phonecalls to the agency to my mom’s phone. She’s sent home on Monday.

Monday evening we got the announcement from the gov that we were in complete lockdown. No longer allowed out without a permit. Only allowed to be out for reasons like grocery shopping, going to the pharmacy or doctor, or if you have jobs that are obligated for the good functionment of the country and crisis. (although they did issue you’re allowed to take your dog out but not for long)

We have to go on the gov’s website to ask for a permit. Like Italy i’ve heard. 

We also have a curfew, no longer allowed out until a certain hour.

So now, today, Tuesday, the whole thing is in place. I’ve heard policemen in my street earlier today ask for people’s permit for being out. 

And my uni residence just sent us a mail saying they no longer even tolerate people being inside the residence for the quarantine. We are obligated to move out ASAP, to a family member or such, or leave definitly.  Today, while the gov has issued you can no longer be out without a permit you printed - while, also, we don’t have printers in our residences. 

I feel glad i followed my gut feeling on Sunday to move out bc i have no idea how i could have asked help to move out today with those measures in place.

What i’m trying to get accross is how quickly those measures were taken in the past few days while it’s been a few weeks we’ve been many to worry enough to think dispositions should have been taken earlier. We’ve been thinking about it for weeks at the uni, but suddenly in less than 5 days we went from “we’re not changing a thing” to “quarantine yourself at your parents’s”.

Not to mention our President doing lots of lectures about how we’re At War, A Health War Sure, But At War And We Have To Consider It As Such. Obviously extremely reassuring to hear while you hear about the amount of death and sickness on TV.

Not like the sickness is any better either. I have a friend who’s a nurse in a part of France that is badly affected. Cases with young people starts to degenerate very quickly, even if they had no prior reasons for it to happen. 

We discovered ibuprophen worsen the virus and it brought people who would have no prior situation into critical states to be taken care of.

/young people with no prior situations/, which i think is important to mention since so many people are brushing off the virus in a “it only affect the elderly or people with weak immune system”, as if this wasn’t reason enough to worry, as if we don’t all know multiple people like that around us, as if the 14days incubation period wasn’t terrifying, as if even if we get minor symptoms we don’t get to spread around a sickness that can be deadly for people with a weaker immune system. Well, if it’s so bad to understand the issue yet, i guess thus “young people with no prior situation get into critical situation” should be a wake up call. We don’t know that virus. It’s frightening. 

People get recontaminated too. Which means we don’t get an immunity from healing. We can catch it again. Who knows how that may even go.

My friend, the nurse, says people keep stealing their equipment. They’re shortstaffed, short in materials, they can barely handle the crisis, not helped by the fact it’s been years that the gov keeps cutting health center’s ressources down. We’re not prepared for  a pandemic that way.

Like... I read everyone talk about the panic buyer making it much more of a problem than it is. And while it’s true, it’s overshadowing that this is a Bad Situation, that we know nothing of that virus and it’s scary, and that the gov’s quarantine had been rushed into so much no one knows how to organize themselves around it. 

For now it’s planned for 15 days. god knows how long it will take.

I, asthmatic currently sick with issues breathing, am stuck back with my mom who smokes all the time at home. Both quarantined. I feel lowkey cursed tbh. For years i tried to escape my family, dealing with all the issues that goes with it, and when i finally manage to do so, i get two lawsuits up my ass bc my dad is a douche and then my residence closes up bc of a massive sickness forcing me to go back to my mom’s. 

I don’t know how to focus on my classes bc the organization is chaotic. I’m scared hearing the news. I have trouble breathing all day and while i know it’s nothing, i remain anxious. I don’t know how long i’m gonna stand my mom. Internet gets slower bc of the influx of people locked home to work. 

i don’t care much for being quarantined itself, i can spend days in my home without problems. I don’t like being stuck with my mom and i just don’t like how we’ve been pushed into it in a complete lack of preparation for it. 

I miss my home. 

And it’s just France. Italy and Spain have been in those situations for a while too. 

In a way that makes me even more angry that they didn’t take precaution before while the Italian gov had been warning us for weeks to be careful and take stuff into account before it’s too late. And we still waited, and we still rushed, and now we will blame everyone who is not understanding how thhe gov went from “it’s only a little flu don’t worry, keep going with your life just wash your hands” to “how irresponsable are you not to be in quarantine” in two days. You wonder then why people are panic buying, it’s not like the gov did any work to be crystal clear about the situation. You wonder people are being careless, a couple of days ago they were still told they had no reason to worry and to look down on those who panics.

EDIT: and lmao, i have been saying those stuff for weeks, for about two weeks i say it should have been taken into account, and my mom was pro-keeping-the-mayor-election-going (bc she wuld perhaps get a job out of it) and i told her then i thought it was a very bad idea to keep them going. My mom tried to convince me about how noooo, it was fiiine, we had to have those municipals anyway, “if people can go grocery shopping they can go vote” as our prime minister said, which i found horrifying (buying good is vital, electing a mayor can wait). And my mom kept insisting that it was important. And now, everyone says it was a bad idea to carry them on. Our own election house didn’t take any health precaution. Even my mom is saying “it was a bad idea.” Call me Cassandra bc i Keep Telling Them This Is Gonna Happen and no one ever listen to me and Too Bad. Ffs.

This is a mess of a situation. It’s making me extra anxious. 

But well that’s how it is now I guess. Sighs.

#ichapersonal #that's super long btw if you open it #this situation is a mess it's. hhhhhhhhHH

[suggable]

Im going to write down my second experience seeing Day6 live mostly for me, but feel free to read it after the break if you want (please do not reblog it tho) ✨ a little warning i’ll probably get very emotional and personal and this is going to be Very long and probably will get incoherent at some point!!!!!

I saw Day6 yesterday in Madrid for the second time, and not to be dramatic but it was probably one of the best experiences of my life 😭💕 I already had lots of fun last year but this year’s concert was not only fun but very meaningful for me.

As some of you may know I finally finally finished this week my architecture studies after 6 and a half very long and tough years. The last two have been especially hard, aproximately the same ammount of time I’ve been following Day6 closely. When I first discovered their music I immediately fell in love with it, and I fell in love again when i got to know them. I can positively say they’re the closest artists to my heart, my soulmate band. I do love and appreciate a lot of other artists but the way I love day6 it’s.... unparalled. I’m gonna stop being cheesy now hfjjsjka but knowing that I was going to see them again and meet them after all the constant exhaustion that my master’s has been has given me so much strenght during those all nighters and endless days working on my project kjfdkjjks 

I’m privileged enough to have been able to get vvips tickets this time but tbh that’s not important, the whole experience of the concert it’s what makes it worth it. Me and my friends decided not to go queueing very early bc we wanted to be well rested and we knew we were going to have a good spot in any case. We were so lucky yesterday’s weather was sort of warm, considering our awful awful experience from last year jkdjkskj. I’m so happy we were so prepared this time, we brought lots of snacks and blankets for the queue. We also prepared some fanart freebies to share and trade and it was the nicest experience, everyone there was so so lovely!!! I had such a great time only waiting in line and chatting with myday ^^ After we got out numbered wristbands we picked up our signed entropy copies. I got the “Sweet” version which is my fave!!! I traded around the pcs so i ended up with all Sungjin and Dowoon jhjfhjsdj (and the loveliest Dopil pc 😭❤) I was so happy we didnt have any trouble with queueing or numbering this time!!!!! Then we went for lunch and almost didn’t make it back on time bc it took us ages to get out meals n we wanted to leave all the heavy stuff and coats at the car jdfjkdkjskk but!!! we made it thanks to the lovely people next to us in the queue!!!

We finally got into the venue (which is so big!!! and we filled it!! im so PROUD) and my friends were headed to the left side where Jae is but I noticed the middle section was also kind of empty so we ran there kjkjfd and ended up in 2nd-3rd row!!! so we were in the middle and had a great view of everyone ^^ i felt kind of bad bc the people around us had been queueing from 3am and we’d arrived at 8:30 :P also next to us there was this korean girl who runs a Dowoon fansite and she was very nice and polite and she must kind of hate now me a bit bc I didn’t stop moving and jumping  i hope her pics came out nicely anyway!!! we only had to wait for an hour inside n we had lots of sweets to keep our energy up so it was quite alright :)

when they boys came out i noticed i had the clearest Sungjin visual so I ended up looking at him most of the time kjfjdkkkdksd i just couldn’t help it like the pics don’t do him justice he’s just so cute and expressive and makes the funniest faces when playing!!! and sort of bounces when playing which is the Cutest thing!!!!  there was some sort of problem with his guitars at first n seemed a bit annoyed but it turned out alright!! I also paid lots of attention to Jae bc he has Such Energy performing, the truest hype man!!! when he plays you can see he’s genuinely enjoying himself and loves myday so so much :(((( he interacted a lot with us!! 

Dowoon was also in front of me but he was covered most of the time by his drumset :(( I could see him making all these baby bird pouty faces or mouthing the lyrics and it was.... so CUTE :((((( he’s so cute i 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺 also i was in awe at his drumming technique like he’s so so so talented and you can clearly see how much he loves it!!! He’s the best boy!!!

I had to move my head a bit to see YoungK and Wonpil and I tried my best looking at everyone when they were singing, but my eyes would automatically go back to Sungjin jfdjskjkaskj I can tell you Young K is very VERY Atractive when performing, he has a sort of magnetism!! He also seemed soooo happy and would jump around non stop and smile at the fans and just Bless us in general!!! Wonpil was sort of serious when playing but you could tell he was concentrated !!! Also his piano and dj skills im!!!!!! like when he plays the Time of Our Life intro so easily!!! i play piano and let me tell you it is difficult as Fuck!!! he truly is so talented!! plus when he was talking with us he was so playful and cute :(((((

Some concert Highlights for me: hearing Best Part live, also So Cool, TOOL, Headache, wanna go back!!! how to love!!! SWEET CHAOS!!!! also hearing WARNING again which may easily be my fave song of them now (well no...we all know it’s impossible to pick just one but yeah jkdfjskkç) also Colors!! when the first chords started playing i started tearing up n then the chorus came n i just broke down crying jsdsk I also cried during I Need Somebody and that bit when we sang back to them and we sang I Smile :((( also the fucking SOLOS hello most talented band in the universe????!!! but like for real they all sound so good live!!! i love that you can clearly hear the drums and keys and all the instruments, plus their vocals are just!! so!! good!!!!!! Jae and Young K went Mad with the adlibs I was living my best life!!!!! 

at some point i locked eyes with Sungjin n my potato brain decided the best thing i could do was to send a flying kiss his way so i did n he got so SHY!!!! and made a 😳😳😳😳 face jkdfjkjkjks i felt v awkward afterwards like i didnt know he was going to react that way jfdkjksa 

Also hearing them speaking spanish...fucking surreal...but when they did their ments in English!!! wow!!! they’ve gotten so good!!!! they kept saying they were so happy and this was the best way to end the tour and they’d grown so much, and reminding us to always be happy i :((((( Wonpil’s ment was the sweetest thing and he sent such an important message and I started crying again (and i made eye contact with Jae while ugly crying so i had to hid behind my banner jkdskjjkjdskks) and couldn’t stop through the whole length of their ments :(( i barely remember anything from young k’s bc i was trying to compose myself a bit jkfkjkjd Dowoon’s was so cute!!! He’d wait for the translator and make such funny faces i :((( Sungjin’s English and like Everything about him im so gone kjfkjjkds and then JAE’S...........

that was truly the Highlight of the night, what truly truly made everything special and what i hope will make them cherish and remember this night forever. So a bit of context: we had prepared a project where during For Me we would take out some prints of some of Jae’s encouraging and inspirational tweets and held them up. So at first Jae was surprised but I guess he didn’t have the time to read which specific tweets we were holing. Then during like the second half of the song he realised n got like v serious like he was trying not to cry...I remember Sungjin also realised bc he was looking at Jae just Knowing.... When we took the concert pics Jae asked us to take an extra one with the tweets bc he wanted it for himself....and then his MENT he thanked us for listening to him and letting him know we hear his words and basically acknowledge and validate him when he passes those life lessons to us and that it meant more than we could imagine....and he was getting more n more emotional n trying not to cry but im p sure he did...and then Sungjin and Wonpil came to his side n started doing this weird dance around him hdjfjjkskjsdkjskkkladsslk n cheered Jae up THEY’RE SO PRECIOUS :((((  but like moments prior u could see Sungjin just Waiting for it n smirking jkjkfdsjkjkkjs also the fact he immediately tweeted about it after the concert 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺

the whole hi touch thing was such a fiasco but tbh i didnt have much hope to begin with jkfdjkdkjs they made us wear face masks as a prevention for the coronavirus break.........but it didnt really matter bc there was an insane number of vips so we were a LOT of pple for the hi touch...we were rushed n pushed n screamed at by both security n mmt staff....i was laughing at the whole absurdity of the situation n wonpil saw me hjdfkjksjks...we barely had time to say something and high five them but i did manage to say thank u to each of them n look them in the eyes at least!!! (they’re so beautiful from upclose!! and GIANTS! and sungjins eyes.........otherwordly) i felt so bad for the fans that were looking forward to it and for them as well bc you could see their apologetic faces....but anyways everything else went so well im not going to dwell on that!! so yeah i’ve met day6 but i barely remember anything kjjkdsjkd it feels like a fever dream :((((

but tbh considering everything it was the nicest experience!!! im so happy i had the chance to see them again n i hope they come back again!!! also i really wish they’d tour more cities, like there are so many mydays that deserve to see them too :((( 

ok im done with this whole essay like i could keep rambling and rambling but this is the most essential of it!!! if you also read this thank you!!!! please be happy and trust and listen to day6!!!❤💖💕✨🌟

#lau rambles #day6 concert #day6 in madrid #please dont reblog!!!!! #personal tag #day6 #i also made a more fun twt thread!!!

[sunsetscurving]

CHASING STARS

Ch. 13

ao3 link

In a world where reincarnation is common and expected, people stopped to care for a reason or how many times they already lived – they have no memory of their past life anymore.

But Lucas Lallemant can feel that this isn’t his first life, some shreds of his former life still present in his new one. He has this feeling that something from his past life tied him so much to it that he has to find it again in his new life.

Something. Or someone.

TW: death

Lucas sneaked into the house again, his parents long asleep and surely thinking that Lucas was too.

But Lucas wasn’t asleep.

Lucas had never been more awake.

As he climbed up the stairs quietly, his eyes darted around, his breathing still heavily while he took in his surroundings.

How did the house in his former life look like? Did his parents loved him the way his parents do now? And could he even call his parents “parents” now after everything he knew?

As Lucas ran through the night, he realized that not everything from his past life seemed to come back. He didn’t know about his family life, about his social life. He only knew some shreds of it. But every clear memory, every clear moment was connected to Eliott.

Eliott, who Lucas just left in the middle of the night with tears in his eyes. Who probably thought that Lucas must hate him now after everything came back in a rush.

And Lucas wasn’t sure what to feel right now either.

In his room, he curled into a little ball on his bed, his eyes closed while he tried to shut out the stream of pictures and memories who didn’t seem to stop. Additionally to that, question after question was fighting its way into Lucas’ mind and he just wished for a fucking goddamn second of peace and silence.

Why him?

Why Eliott?

Why did he found him again?

Did he wait for Lucas?

Lucas wasn’t sure of anything except one thing:

That kissing Eliott was the right thing to do.

He still remembered the way Eliott’s lips moved against his own, the taste of his lips making Lucas dizzy with desire and so many other feelings.

Lucas opened his eyes.

He had been searching for confirmation for his theory of being reincarnated. And he always thought that there had to be a reason for this feeling. That there had to be a reason for his reincarnation. And no matter which way Lucas would go from here, he knew that this reason was Eliott. That Lucas was meant to find Eliott again in this lifetime, that the strong feelings between them was more than life itself.

Lucas could only imagine how Eliott felt right now. He apparently waited for Lucas, how the fuck all of this should work out was another question. But he waited for Lucas all these years and Lucas… Lucas just left without an explanation and without a word.

And this was not fair at all.

Lucas took out his phone from his pocket, staring at Eliott’s and his chat and absentmindedly scrolling through all of their messages. Something inside of Lucas warmed as he scanned the messages and their flirting.

lucallemant: eliott?

Lucas was not even sure if Eliott wanted to talk with him or see him after all of this. He could understand it though. He reacted like an idiot, running away from Eliott as if he had been the fault for all of this.

Well, maybe he was.

But on a positive note.

I hope so at least.

srodulv: lucas

where are you?

are you at home?

He really was worried about Lucas and Lucas sighed deeply, the pictures in his mind and the steady flow of memories slowly but surely fading away, leaving Lucas with the headache of a the century.

lucallemant: yeah, I’m @ home. Don’t worry.

srodulv: okay

Lucas didn’t know what to write next. And neither did Eliott as it seemed.

srodulv: I’m sorry

Lucas jumped slightly as his phone vibrated in his hands without a warning. He frowned after reading this message.

lucallemant: for what?

srodulv: for everything

Lucas’ eyes were hurting from the bright light of his phone screen, making his headache even worse. But he couldn’t take his eyes away from it, from the message you just received. This seemed like a goodbye and Lucas was not ready to let Eliott go. Not after all of this happened. Not when there were so many questions left unanswered. Not when his heart was racing every fucking time the other boy was near him.

lucallemant: don’t be

srodulv: thank you for this beautiful evening. and the beautiful moments with you. i am sorry

No, no, no. Do something, Lucas Lallemant. Now.

lucallemant: I’m sorry for running away

srodulv: what

lucallemant: I’m sorry for leaving you there without an explanation. I shouldn’t have run away

srodulv: you just found that you’re reincarnated, i would have jumped off of a fucking bridge

Lucas snorted.

lucallemant: yeah, well, I didn’t feel that dramatic tbh

Lucas just realized that a smile has creeped onto his face and he was kind of shocked by himself. Lucas’ whole world was shattering and turning upside down and Eliott still made it to make him smile.

The best confirmation that this is the right way to go.

srodulv: I’m glad you didn’t

lucallemant: can I see you tomorrow?

srodulv: you want to see me?

Lucas could literally feel Eliott gasping on his side of the phone, clutching the device tighter in his hands. And Lucas felt himself doing the same.

lucallemant: I always want to see you

Lucas was hundred percent honest.

srodulv: when? where? Should I pick you up?

lucallemant: let’s meet in the park behind your house at 11 in the morning, I’ll come by bike

srodulv: don’t run over innocent poles while you’re on the road

A quiet laugh was escaping Lucas by now. Some minutes ago, he had been crying like a baby, not knowing how to continue with life after all these information flooded his brain, clocking it with pictures and memories which didn’t belong to him and belonged to him nevertheless to the same time. And now he was writing with Eliott who always made him feel good about himself.

The reason for his reincarnation.

And if Eliott really was the reason, if finding Eliott really was the reason for his reincarnation…

Could all of this be bad then?

lucallemant: I’ll try my best

srodulv: good biker boy

lucallemant: <3

And when he sent that heart, he felt a rush going through his whole body.

And a voice whispered inside of him.

Well done.

.

Lucas was nervous. He didn’t know what to expect from this meeting, what would await him. But he also was nervous because he would see Eliott again and alone the thought of him, the memory of the nightly kiss they shared yesterday, made his heart beat like crazy. He could only imagine how Eliott must feel right now.

Lucas parked his bike on a street corner, running a hand through his messy hair after taking off the helmet, scanning his surroundings. After yesterday, everything seemed to be different. The light, the weather, everything.

Or you start to imagine things, idiot.

Lucas took a deep breath before walking into the park. Some couples were walking hand in hand and Lucas’ mind wandered to Eliott and how good it would feel to walk with him through the city and—

Lucas shook his head slightly. There were more important things to talk and think about then his crush on the boy who kissed him yesterday. Lucas had some struggles to breathe suddenly as he took more and more steps into the park. He felt some tension inside of him and he was afraid to get to know more about his past life and everything connected to it.

“Lucas.”

Lucas swirled around as he heard someone say his name.

And as his gaze landed on Eliott, something inside of him loosened.

The tension which were occupying his whole body was slowly but surely fading away, leaving only some sort of… peace. He kept staring at Eliott as if he was some kind of god and he was teleported back to the moment he first saw him in the cafeteria.

Not the first time ever, though.

Eliott was slowly walking towards him, hair messy, eyebags dark purple as if he hadn’t been sleeping a lot last night. Which was probably the truth. He had his hands in the pockets of his hoodie, shyly looking down as if he was afraid to see the emotions on Lucas’ face. But Lucas’ body literally ached to touch Eliott, to be in his arms, to let him carry all the troubles and worries away. And so Lucas listened to his body.

“Eliott”, whispered Lucas as if saying his name would make everything better.

And it did.

Lucas reached Eliott in a few strides and they were looking into the other’s eyes, not sure what to do with themselves and how to react around the other one. But Lucas knew that he felt better now that he was with Eliott. That he needed him.

“I’m sorry—”

“I’m sorry—”

Both of them were talking to the same time, the same words and Lucas huffed a laugh, looking down at his shoes. He could feel the warmth of Eliott’s smile on him and lifted his head to look at the other boy again.

“There is no need to be sorry. Really, Eliott. I’m the one who’s sorry for running away like a foul.”

“I should’ve told you.”

“I would’ve laughed at you. Who would believe you if you told them that they’re reincarnated?”

Eliott looked at Lucas and Lucas looked at Eliott and a smile was suddenly breaking out on both of their lips. Lucas took the first step. He reached for Eliott’s hand, squeezing it reassuring before taking a deep breath.

“Let’s sit down somewhere, shall we?”

.

“So, that’s why you knew that I like hot chocolate.”

“You always hated coffee with a burning passion”, said Eliott with a laugh and leaned back against the tree trunk, “It just slipped off of my tongue when we had that date.”

Lucas smiled and picked at the grass under him. They were sitting under some trees, the shadow protecting them from the warm spring sun. They had been talking for a while now, Lucas asking questions and Eliott answering them. About the moments, the memories of the things that never happened but did happen, about everything… and everything Lucas remembered was true.

And Eliott knew everything about it.

“What about my parents?”, asked Lucas now.

Eliott looked up into the leaves of the trees dancing in the wind.

“They loved you. Like your parents do now.”

Lucas waited for more and he heard Eliott sighing which made him lift his head.

“I’m not sure if it’s good for you to know… a lot more than you already remember. I know that you have questions and I know that you would like to know everything… But”, Eliott stopped and took a deep breath, shrugging lightly, “It’s gone. It’s another lifetime, you know?”

Lucas nodded lightly and he understood what Eliott meant. It would only make things more difficult. He would maybe search for his former parents. And they would look at him with wide eyes, asking who the fuck he is because they wouldn’t remember their dead son who was now not their son anymore. Because no one had any memories of the reincarnated people.

Lucas looked up, some grass in his hand.

No one but him.

“I… I have one last question”, said Lucas now quietly, his heart staring to beat faster immediately. He had been too afraid to ask this question, to talk about it. And he still was not sure if he would like to know it or just… drop it.

But Eliott was the only person who could help him in this case.

Now or never.

“How did I die?”

Something on Eliott’s face changed.

Eliott was slowly drawing himself away from Lucas, Lucas could literally feel how much this question did to him. Eliott went to a place now which had been buried inside of him for so fucking long and Lucas immediately felt regret asking this question. It was selfish of him to think that it wouldn’t affect Eliott, that all of that hadn’t affected Eliott.

“You don’t need to answer this if you—”

“It had been a lovely day”, started Eliott now and Lucas could feel the hairs on his neck slowly rising, going quiet immediately.

“We had been out, celebrating the 14th of July on the streets. We had such a lovely time and everything was great, we were in love and we sang and we drank and we danced.”

Eliott took a deep breath, blinking rapidly as if fighting some tears which blurred his sight.

“You took me home. You had a motorbike back then too and I hated it.”

Lucas smiled a bit now but it faded away as soon as Eliott continued to talk.

“We were nearly home. My arms were wrapped around you and you were talking about some project you did in college and suddenly…”, Eliott had to stop again, swallowing slightly, “The shot came out of nowhere.” Eliott closed his eyes for a second as if he couldn’t take all the memories which were now flooding his mind. “If I listen closely, I can still hear the shot ringing through the night. You lost control over your bike and we crashed into a wall in a dark alley. I didn’t care about me being hurt or bruised, I didn’t care about the stupid bike. I only saw the blood on your chest and how the speck of it bloomed more and more on your otherwise white shirt and…”

And now, tears were rolling down Eliott’s cheeks. Something inside of Lucas broke and he felt… empty.

He had been shot.

He had been killed on purpose.

“I swore that I would find that pig and that I would kill it with my bare hands. And I swore that I would find you again, no matter the costs.” Eliott’s voice was hoarse and broken and Lucas felt himself shifting closer to Eliott, wanting to give him some kind of comfort although he knew that no one could take away the pictures from Eliott, the regret he felt.

“I could’ve saved you. I said that it wouldn’t be safe to drive through this kind of neighborhood at night.”

“It’s not your fault, Eliott”, said Lucas now quietly, the first words after hearing how he died.

“It is. And you cannot tell me otherwise.”

Lucas bit his lips and he didn’t know what to feel. He felt empty, he felt like all of that didn’t belong to him. And yet it did.

“When you died in my arms, my world collapsed. You… you were the love of my life. And I swore to you that I would wait. It were the last words I said to you before you…” Eliott rubbed over his eyes, taking a shaky breath, “I hoped that some higher force would decide that we belonged together. I prayed that I would get another chance to… to make things right.”

Lucas swallowed, laying a hand on Eliott’s hand. Eliott now looked up, straight into Lucas’ ocean blue eyes and a smile was fighting its way on his face, chasing away the pictures and memories from another lifetime.

“And now you’re back.”

“And now I’m back”, repeated Lucas with a lot of fondness in his voice.

“Thank you. For telling me.”

“You’ve always asked yourself why you’re afraid of loud noises, right?”

Lucas nodded shortly.

“It’s because of how you died. Our phobias come from the way we died and since you died because of a loud bang, you have phonophobia. And because you were shot in your chest, you always tend to rub circles over your chest without even realizing.”

Lucas stared at him.

So Arthur was right…

“This… this is all so…”

“So crazy? Unbelievable? Fucked up?”

Lucas snorted lightly.

“Fucked up, yeah.”

“I’m sorry.”

Lucas and Eliott were sitting in silence for some moments, every one of them going after their own thoughts. Lucas knew now how he died. He knew why he had phonophobia. And he knew why he was being reincarnated: Because Eliott’s love tied him to the world of the living.

But…

“Wait”, said Lucas now, frowning again and looking at Eliott. The question which was now fighting its way to the surface of his mind had been there before. But he fought it back, other questions more important.

But this was actually the question he should’ve asked at the beginning of it all.

“How… How are you still the same age as twenty years ago? I mean… you should’ve been an adult by now, you shouldn’t even be able to remember me, no one who I knew in my former life does and still…”

Eliott just looked at him with an expression on his face Lucas couldn’t quite name. He looked like he knew that this would come. That he was already prepared for something like this.

“How is this possible?”, asked Lucas now, kind of afraid to hear the answer.

Eliott took a deep breath now, running a hand through his hair while laying his head back on the tree behind him, apparently searching for the right words.

“Well…”, started Eliott and Lucas could hear his heartbeat in his own ears, “I’ve never had the time to tell you or the courage but…”

Eliott took another deep breath, now turning his head to Lucas, looking straight into his eyes, straight into his soul.

“I’m immortal.”

Lucas’ stopped to breath for a second, his jaw dropped.

Holy fucking shit.

#tadaaaaa #a new chapter #you‘re all very welcome #oh and it will get more and more difficult from now on #YAY #skam france #lucas lallemant #eliott demaury #skam france fanfic #skam france fanfiction #elu fic #elu fanfic #chasing stars ff

[sizzleitupwithmaria]

the challenge is on, foolish mortal

1. how tall are you?

5 feet 7 inches

2. what is your body type?

i’m shaped like an hourglass but i’m also a lil chubby

3. what is your favorite part about your body?

i occasionally like my face and this is a little bit weird but i have pretty good tits

4. is your current hair color your natural hair color?

yep!

5. are you more outgoing or more shy

dude i’m shy af

6. are you more femme or butch?

i’m a pretty solid futch

7. are you tol or smol?

i’m tol bitch!!

8. wine mom or vodka aunt?

i feel like i’m a vodka aunt, but i’m also 14 and don’t commit crimes

9. weird habit?

i stick my tongue out whenever i’m super focused and i used to be really self conscious about it

10. favorite meme?

my current favorite is the shen yun memes but i don’t have an all time favorite

11. do you sing in the shower?

no bc the bathroom is right next to my parent’s bedroom :):):)

12. ever used a bow and arrow?

yeah i was in girl scouts for a while

13. are you/were you a theater kid?

see basically all of my vent posts and you’ll find the answer (i’m in a weird relationship with theater right now, but we’ll have to see how sophomore year turns out)

14. have you ever seen a broadway musical?

yeah!! i’m also seeing another one in 112 days lol

15. do you think musicals are cheesy?

some are, but that doesn’t make them bad

16. have you ever been part of a protest or a march?

yeah, i went to march for our lives last year!!

17. favorite cards against humanity card?

i don’t actually own or play CAH, but i like “Bees.”

18. last movie you watched?

newsies, but that was only to grab screenshots lol (maura will know)

19. behind the camera or in front of it?

both!!

20. favorite tv show?

uhhhhh frasier? 

21. meaning behind your url

sizzle it up with taako is a taz reference

22. reason you joined tumblr

i have no fucking idea bc it was so long ago

23. who’s your closest tumblr friend?

i’d say @baura-bear but i’ve also known her irl for 8 years? i don’t actually have any purely tumblr friends, feel free to hmu

24. what’s something most people love that you hate?

most foods

25. have you ever taken narcotics?

considering that i had to look up what that meant, the answer is no

26. have you ever had sex?

i’m 14

27. have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or anything bad?

nope, i lead a pretty boring life (i’d actually sneak out quite often if my bedroom wasn’t on the second floor)

28. worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?

i’ve told my dad that i love him before

29. describe your passion without mentioning it.

i’m currently at a crossroads with it and it’s pretty stressful for me rn but i’m committed to getting better and not crying daily over it

30. describe your best friend

i don’t actually think i have a solid enough relationship with anyone to have a best friend lol

31. give us one thing about you that no one knows

OH UHHHH i pop my acne?? that might be obvious if you look at my face tho

32. how do you feel right now?

pretty solid, i have a little bit of a headache and i’m a bit sad but i’m doing okay

33. what is your biggest fear?

failure, but that’s probably just bc i set so high expectations for myself lol

34. what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

breakfast in america by supertramp

35. what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

maybe quitting band and strings in 5th grade or quitting track

36. have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?

OH YEAH but we’re not gonna talk about that right now

37. something you fantasize about

i always dream of living in a tiny nyc apartment with a beautiful wife and working at some nondescript company and shopping in my free time

38. last time you cried and why

??? i actually don’t know. i nearly cried last night bc my dad was nearly yelling at me, we’re not gonna get into that though

39. what was the last thing that made you laugh?

i put a stupid snapchat filter on my face

40. do you really, truly miss someone right now?

yeah

41. who do you feel most comfortable talking about anything with?

my own self?? i have trust issues lol

42. the last time you felt broken?

maybe this morning just bc i had a weird dream and was processing it lol

43. are you starting to realize anything?

yeah

44. are you more dom or sub?

sub, but just in general, i haven’t ever had sex

45. i’ll only date you if _____

you’re a woman? i don’t have many standards lol

46. do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

okay this question is probably geared more towards adults but as a freshman, i’m fine with dating sophomores and juniors, and maybe 8th graders?? that’s a little iffy though

47. describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail

ummm i’m not sure if it’s a crush anymore but she’s tall, skinny, had black hair that she dyes often but it never shows, she dresses similar to me, she’s a photographer, and i think she might be into me :/

48. do you have any kinks?

yes but i’ll never tell anybody even if they paid me money

49. first thing you notice in a person?

uhhh their outfit?

50. how can someone win your heart?

by loving me a lot and dealing with my weird personality

51. been rejected by a crush?

i’ve only asked a crush out once and that went pretty well so no

52. have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

yes, who hasn’t?

53. would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

nope

54. is trust a big issue for you?

is the sky blue?

55. did you hang out with the person you like recently?

nope, we’ve been meaning to for a while though

56. is confidence cute?

sometimes, just don’t be weird to other people

57. what would you say if the person you like kissed another person?

i wouldn’t care LMAO

58. would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

probably not

59. does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?

maybe?? my interactions with her have been a blur lmao

60. ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

oh yeah

61. do you want to get married?

yes, but purely to flex the fact that i can get gay married

62. worst thing you’ve ever done?

idk probably self harmed

63. three things that turn you on

1. women

2. women

3. women

64. who do you hate?

nobody, really

65. favorite term of endearment?

sweetheart/love GET ME EVERY SINGLE TIME!!! if i ever write some romance y’all will see

66. who was your gay awakening?

idk if you count this as a gay awakening but once when i was like four i said to my dad “if i could marry anyone, i’d marry sarah” (one of my friends) (holy shit i just got kind of sad remembering her i liked her a lot and she had a cool family i need to see if she has an ig)

67. intimidating girls or kind girls?

both at the same time

68. what do you look for in a possible partner

women

69. do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?

tbh the only styles that are off the table for me are hyper masculine and hyper feminine, anyone else is great

70. are you good at flirting?

i don’t have the confidence to flirt lol

71. who was the first person you came out to?

my friends ellie and lilli, at the same time, on accident

72. do you have any friends who are wlw?

the question is do i have friends that aren’t wlw 

73. is your crush wlw?

i believe so

74. last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?

this one junior boy who.... oh boy... he’s not hot at all but he’s so nice to literally everyone

75. write a short love poem to your crush/self?

i don’t feel like i’m attached enough to my crush to write a poem to them

76. do you fall in love easily?

i think so

77. is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

yeah

78. are you good at hiding your feelings?

oh hell yeah, at least i think so

79. are you a forgiving person?

depends on what the person did

80. what is your type?

i don’t really have one? being taller than me is nice

81. fall asleep in her arms or tub her back until she falls asleep in yours?

both, with a preference for the first one

82. tall girls or short girls?

TOL

83. hugs or kisses

both, especially at the same time

84. twirl her around or get twirled?

both!!

85. tummy kisses or thigh kisses?

tummy!! thigh kisses are a bit too close to the pussy for my taste

86. hairline kisses or neck kisses?

hairline

87. play with her hair or stroke her tummy?

both!!!!!!!!!

88. making our or soft kisses

soft kisses

89. hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?

both, it just depends on the situation

90. how confident are you in your sexuality?

probably 80%

91. when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?

idk if i ever blush but i have to REALLY like someone to get butterflies

92. have you ever likes a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?

i have multiple times but i’ve only told someone once

93. how old were you when you realized you were into girls?

11 or 12

94. most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?

idk, i tend to forget those things

95. do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?

i honestly don’t ship many lesbians lmao. can i count my own ocs? bc julia and emily are great

96. what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?

i don’t think i’ve actually had anything negative said about my sexuality directly to me, so i’m a bit lucky

97. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?

i honestly have no idea

98. what is love to you?

when we make each other happy

99. ask me anything

i mean my ask is always open if anyone wants to do this

thanks for listening to me be super gay and sad for a little bit

#:)

[nikanndros]

YOOOOOOO. SURPRISE! I’m not here about your fabulous new update (even though I could wax poetic on that in another ask) I’m here to inquire about that BOMB ASS INFIDELITY FIC YOU WROTE. look. I would write you ANYTHING In exchange for more of that fic/anymore infidelity. That shit is great to explore. Anyway. Marry me, have my babies and don’t cheat on me but I LOVE YOU YOUNG G

Hahahaha There is a special place in my heart for that fic tbh, so I’m glad you liked it. For further reading, I did post here a Laurent POV version of that AU that you can read HERE.

I actually started a sequel to that story a while ago, which I never got around to finishing because I didn’t really know where it was going, hahaha. But there’s no point in letting it gather dust in my google docs, so here is the first two thousand plus words of what would have been the adultery sequel.

-

“Do you want to come inside?” Laurent asks.

He wonders if his eyes are still red. If Damen will turn around and see that he’s been crying and - what? Recoil? - Laurent doesn’t know. He just knows that this moment feels penultimate. This could decide the course of the rest of his life, the rest of their relationship together. He’s never cared much for people’s opinion of him, but he is desperately afraid of Damen’s rejection.

Damen curls his hand in his pocket - the pocket he keeps his car keys in, Laurent has undressed him enough times to know - and Laurent wonders if he’s considering it. Just getting in the car and driving away. Maybe back to his home, where Jokaste will be. She’d forgive him eventually. Laurent knows because he thinks he could forgive Damen any slight just for the opportunity to hold and be held by him.

Slowly, Damen takes his hand - empty - out of his pocket and turns around. He looks lost. He looks beautiful, he always does. Damen rubs his fingertips against his forehead, warding off a headache, and sighs.

Laurent doesn’t know what to say. The moment is heavy with pressure. There’s a fork in the road, which path will they take?

Eventually, Damen nods. “Let’s go inside,” he says.

They’re barely in the front entryway when Damen puts a hand on his shoulder.

Ask me to stay with you, Laurent thinks. “Yes?” he says, heart in his throat.

Damen isn’t quite looking at him. “I have to talk to my parents,” he says. “They had that look about them.”

Concerned, was the look. Probably worried that their polyamory has set a bad example for their son. “Okay,” Laurent says.

“You should talk to Nicaise.”

Laurent frowns.

“Laurent,” Damen says. “He’s just a boy. It’s not fair for you to be upset with him. And you know how much your opinion means to him.”

It hurts right now, to be reminded of the way Damen is. He can be an oblivious idiot sometimes, but he also has a kindness in him. Laurent has never seen him hold a grudge in his entire lifetime of knowing him.

“I know,” Laurent says.

“Okay,” Damen replies, and then, finally, he looks directly at Laurent. “I’m sorry.”

Laurent closes his eyes. He doesn’t want to cry again, he doesn’t want to cry at all - but he knows he won’t be able to control himself if Damen dumps him here and now. Not that it counts as dumping, when they weren’t even in a real relationship. Just illicit sex and intimacy that has changed the fundamentals of who Laurent is as a person.

He cups Laurent’s chin and Laurent hates himself a little for leaning into it. Then Damen continues. “I’m sorry,” he says again. “I should have told you that Auguste knew. Well I should have done a lot of things differently. But I’m sorry it all came out like this. You don’t deserve it.”

I do, Laurent thinks. Because he’s the catalyst for all of it, the reason it happened in the first place. He had known he shouldn’t have kissed Damen. He shouldn’t have even let him through the door.

“I’m going to talk to my parents,” Damen says, like he’s making a mental checklist. “I’m going to stay here tonight. And tomorrow -” he hesitates, “- tomorrow, can we talk?”

What does that even mean? Laurent just nods, eyes still closed. He doesn’t know how to speak. But he feels-

He feels Damen press a gentle kiss to the centre of his forehead, and then the source of warmth disappears entirely. When Laurent opens his eyes again, he is standing in the hallway, alone.

-

Auguste parked at their parent’s house, and so the whole family has to ride back in the same car together.

It is a very silent trip.

Laurent sits between his brothers in the backseat and feels the crippling awkwardness that comes with knowing that not only does his entire family know he’s been fucking someone - but that he’s been fucking their family friend who was in a relationship. He knows his mother will try to understand, but his father is probably furious. Auguste, supportively, has one hand resting on his knee. Nicaise, to his other side, is squirming uncomfortably. He looks guilty, which Laurent wants to be happy about, but he remembers Damen’s words and ends up just feeling bad.

“Laurent,” his mother says, finally breaking the silence. Her voice is soft. “Will you stay at the house tonight please, baby?”

It’s actually a question. He knows he can refuse and avoid another terrible conversation tonight, and his mum will let him. “Okay,” Laurent says. He keeps saying that. He doesn’t know when he became so agreeable.

When they get out of the car, Auguste directs their father into his office with him, and Nicaise immediately runs up the stairs. His mother links arms with him and pulls him into the sitting room and onto a couch.

The couch is covered in colourful pillows, his mother is fond of over-decorating everything in the house. They sit together for a long moment and then she seems to deflate and she pulls Laurent into her arms like he’s a child. Laurent lets it happen.

He misses this kind of maternal comfort, but since moving on campus he’s felt too old to ask for it. His mother is always soft and she radiates love. “I’m sorry,” Laurent says, quietly. It seems to be a night for apologies.

“Oh my baby,” Hennike says. “My sweet boy. What a mess.”

“I love him,” Laurent tells her, because it’s been on the tip of his tongue for years and he’s never let himself vocalise it before.

“I know,” she says, soothingly. “I know you weren’t being malicious. You’re just in love. Life can be so complicated sometimes.”

He’s glad that he was right about his mother being sympathetic; he thinks that he needs this unwavering love and understanding that he can be certain in.

“I don’t know what to do,” Laurent admits.

“Do you remember how your father and I got together?”

“Yes,” Laurent says. He knows. Now doesn’t feel like the appropriate time to talk about his parent’s perfect love story.

“Tell me,” his mother prompts.

“You were friends in university,” Laurent says. “And then you realised you were in love with each other and eloped a week later. Happily ever after.”

“Yes,” his mother agrees. “I never told you this, but on the day that your father finally told me he loved me, I was seeing someone else.”

“What?” Laurent sits up. This isn’t part of the story.

“I was dating a boy from my highschool, who my parents loved and I felt okay about. But I was wildly in love with your father, and when he told me he felt the same I couldn’t refuse. We had to run away because my parents were so mad when they heard I’d broken up with my boyfriend. We got married so that they couldn’t try and pressure me to go back to him.”

“But you broke up with the guy,” Laurent says. “You didn’t have an -” affair. He shouldn’t feel squeamish about the word.

“No,” his mother says. “But what I want you to understand is that love is complicated. It’s a series of choices that you have to make, with no way of knowing which is the right decision… You boys shouldn’t have done that, not while Damen was still with Jokaste. But it’s happened now, and it’s time for you to make a choice of what you want to do next.”

“I don’t really think it’s up to me,” Laurent admits, quietly. “Damen told me he wants us to talk tomorrow. It sounded ominous.”

“Oh honey.” His mother pulls him back into her arms. “No matter what happens - one day it’s going to all be okay. I promise.”

-

Nicaise is sitting at the top of the stairs, when Laurent ascends them, his skinny legs sticking out between the balustrades.

“Do you hate me?” Nicaise asks in a small voice.

Laurent stops on the step that he’s on and looks up at his little brother. “No,” he says, finally. “Of course I love you. I’m just upset right now.”

“Do you want to sleep in my room?” Nic asks. ��We can pulls out the air matress and then you won’t have to be upset by yourself.”

He has his odd moments of sweetness. Laurent opens his mouth to reply, but that’s when Auguste makes his presence known, stepping into view. Laurent briefly wonders whether he was waiting out of sight just in case he had to stop his siblings from fighting.

“Nope,” Auguste says. “We’re having a sleepover in my old room tonight. Go brush your teeth, Nic, and we’ll let you come too.”

Nicaise runs off.

“You’re staying too then?” Laurent asks. He tries to sound like he doesn’t care, but his acting skills aren’t up to scratch tonight apparently.

“Of course,” Auguste says. “I can’t risk missing any more drama.”

He holds a hand out and Laurent takes it.

-

“There are a lot of people who love you, Laurent,” Auguste whispers, later that night when Nicaise is asleep between them.  “I really hope that you and whatever you’re doing with Damen works out but-- either way, I want you to know that I love you very much, and I’m on your side for everything.”

“I know,” Laurent replies, just as quiet. At least he has Auguste.

-

Laurent ends up getting to the cafe he’s meeting Damen at twenty minutes early. He orders a pot of tea, finishes it, goes to the bathroom, and then orders another tea - take away this time, just in case - all before Damen arrives.

He’s in the middle of anxiously wondering whether he should get Damen his usual coffee order or if that’s going to look too desperately sad, when he finally walks in. All dark olive skin and wearing a faded tank top that looks like it belonged to him before his last growth spurt. It clings tightly to his chest. At least that means he hasn’t gone back to his apartment, where Jokaste will be, for a change of clothing.

“Hey,” Damen says, and he puts a hand on Laurent’s shoulder. “I need coffee.” He disappears off to the counter.

Laurent is pretty sure his heart is going way too fast just from that brief moment. He is suddenly passionately glad he opted for chamomile tea rather than coffee. No need to add excessive caffeine to this hot mess.

A moment later, Damen is pulling out a chair and sitting at the table, opposite him rather than adjacent. It is very hard not to read that as a rejection of sorts.

“How are you?” Damen says.

“We should just get to the point,” Laurent replies.

Damen sits back in his chair a little. “Oh,” he says.

Laurent purses his lips, and then he forces himself to relax a little - or just appear to be more relaxed anyway. “I’m okay,” he says. “I talked to Auguste and my mum last night, and I told Nicaise I didn’t blame him. I’m going to take him to the beach tomorrow, like I promised.”

“That’s good,” Damen says. He leans forward again. “My parents all teamed up on me. And then dad called Kastor and told him everything, and Kastor called me just to call me an idiot. Oh, and to tell me that Vanessa is pregnant again and I can only go to the shower if I promise not to bring any dramatic revelations.”

Laurent gives him a half-hearted smile. “Brotherly love,” he says. Kastor is so much older than them and further in his life that he’s always felt more like extended family than anything else.

“I know, he’s terribly sentimental,” Damen replies.

They take a moment to regard each other, before Damen speaks again, this time in an almost pleading voice. “Laurent, what are we doing?”

“I don’t know,” Laurent replies quietly. This is it, then.

“You’re going back to university in a couple of days,” Damen says. “And everything is a mess. I don’t know what we’re doing, or even what we should be doing.”

“Me either,” Laurent agrees. He isn’t willing to say much more than that. He wants to drag this out - this ambiguous stretch of time where things aren’t yet officially over between them - for as long as he can.

“I love you,” Damen says, in a rush. “I’m in love with you.”

Oh. Oh. That’s - not what he expected. “I…” Laurent has to force himself to talk. Even when Damen has already cut out his own heart and laid it on the table before them, Laurent feels resistance in letting himself be vulnerable. “I also feel like that. About you,” he manages, weakly.

“Okay,” Damen says. He looks flustered. “Okay, good.”

“Good,” Laurent repeats. His shoulders drop, and he runs his fingers through his hair. “I thought you were going to” - break up is the wrong term, they weren’t dating - “...tell me to leave you alone.” He winces at the awkward phrasing.

“No, I don’t want that,” Damen replies. “I know we’ve done everything wrong, but I really do want to try with you. It’s just that…”

Oh no. “What.”

“Everything is a mess right now,” Damen says. “I have to find a new apartment and you’re going back to uni, and I think we should get all of that sorted before we try to make what we have work.”

It’s so logical it makes Laurent want to scream. “So you are telling me to leave you alone?”

“No,” Damen says. “Just maybe we should give it a couple of weeks for things to settle and then talk about what we want.”

This is hardly the let’s elope immediately reaction that Laurent had maybe wanted.

#the adultery au #writing #captive prince #i may pick this up again one day #Anonymous

[sherlock-one-shots]

Rough Times

(gif not mine)

I spent a month on this oneshot and I’m really not that happy with it, so I’m so sorry if it’s not what you wanted. I just didn’t know how to write it, but if you want something changed, message me and I’ll be happy to work it out. EVERYONE PLEASE READ:

I want to get 3 things you of the way before we begin, that EVERYONE needs to read: Firstly, I want to say that there are all sorts of depression and the point of view I write in is the form of depression that I am most familiar with. Depression and anxiety, while many people have similar symptoms, are very different for each person. Again, the point of view I'm writing in in this oneshot is the form I’m most familiar with. TWO: Honestly, listen, all of you; if you ever feel depressed, anxious, or feel like suicide is the answer: MESSAGE ME! PLEASE! Don’t worry about bothering me! I would rather you bother me and feel better about yourself or about your situation and be able to help you guys in your times of need than you not message me at all and let me go about my day while you need someone to talk to. Seriously, I am here for all of you! If you just need to vent, my inbox is open, I won’t judge you, I don’t judge, that’s not my place. Please, please, please, and please, if you need someone to talk to, no matter what, my inbox is 100% open, is a safe place, and what we say (or type, really) stays there. I don’t tell a soul. Please message me, or someone. But just know that I am here for you guys. I know about depression, I’ve been there, I know about anxiety, I’ve been there too. If you need someone, I’m here. THREE: There are some really long run-on sentences, but they’re there for a reason, and there’s a bit of a personal reason that I’ll share- I write when it hits me, and there are barely any periods or structured sentences. I write my thoughts, especially when I’m feeling down as they come to my head. This is a lot of stream of consciousness, and if you don’t like that style, I’m sorry, but I really thought it went along with the reader’s hurtle in this one shot, so I kept it like that. Writers block has hit me hard this past week/weekend, but I’m pushing through and getting this one out. I’m so sorry for the long hiatus as well, I’ll try to post more often. Warnings: depression, anxiety, mentions of self harm (I think....can’t remember tbh) and suicide.

You stared at the ceiling, the headache that’s been there for three days know pounding against your head, like someone knocking on a door, desperately trying to get in from the rain. Close enough, you thought.

It was raining, which didn’t help your mood, though you weren’t sure the sun shinning would help either. It would just make the day hot and uncomfortable. Everything now was uncomfortable. If you went out with friends it was loud and uncomfortable, if you took a hot shower, which would normally relax you, you were hot, naked, and uncomfortable. If you drank tea, the tea would just make you hot, would probably much less than satisfactory, would be a waste of good tea, and you would be uncomfortable. Nothing was going to work. Nothing. You were better off just sitting in your room, eyes on the ceilings and walls, not doing anything. Not speaking to anyone. You could feel your jaw droop down every so often, jaw and eyes completely relaxed, and you weren’t quick to fix it. It felt good not to think. However, you didn’t get to do so long. The heavy bang of the front door resonated in your head, almost like it was echoing through the flat, and you inwardly groaned. You loved our flatmates, John and Sherlock, but you knew that, now that they were home, peace and quiet was a thing of the past. Sherlock would more than likely be ranting about a case, John would be trying to calm him down or understand what he was talking about, making him angry when he couldn’t which meant he would shout and you just weren’t in a good mental state to deal with anything like that. Not now. Maybe not ever. You could tell you were depressed. Your head felt black, even though it doesn’t make sense. Black and heavy. You didn’t really know why you felt like this, it just sort of...happened, but you couldn’t shake it. You couldn’t make yourself happier and you wondered if you would be happy again. Maybe smiling because you wanted to wasn’t going to happen anymore, maybe all of your smiles would be forced forevermore. “Y/N?” You heard John call from the living room. “You home?” You groaned, getting up from the bed and walking to the living room, not really wanting to show your face but knowing that they won’t stop pestering you until you do. “Yeah, I’m here.” You said flatly, stumbling to the couch. As soon as you were close enough, you flopped down on it unceremoniously, letting your limbs fall where they did, not having the energy to move. You had been like this for two or three weeks now. John asked constantly if you were alright, and you always told him yes, but you weren’t really sure. Sherlock came through the door only a few minutes later and immediately went to his laptop, rambling to you and John about a case that he came across while he and John were out. Another murder, of course. Interesting and weird, as always. The police were stuck, no duh. There were suspects they never considered, as if the police are entirely incompetent (and in Sherlock’s eyes, they were always incompetent). It was the same things over and over with every case, and, while it was fun at first to chase murderers and help people, you were getting bored of it. You had no idea how Sherlock could keep doing it over and over again. Surely he was going to get bored eventually. Right? Or maybe he didn’t because he was much smarter than you or John and, not only did this allow your beloved boyfriend to impress and dazzle ‘mere mortals’ with his intellectual prowess, but he was in the front seat of all of these cases, while you and John were just along for the ride and it drove your crazy sometimes. He was driving you crazy, lately. Before, you loved him. You still did, to the moon and back, but, where you used to want to be in the same room with him all the time, and you wanted him to come to bed every night, and you wanted to talk to him about little things, now all you wanted was for him to stay in his corner and you to stay in yours and sometimes you wanted to talk to him, but he was talking about cases and that was starting to bore you. You wondered if maybe you were just falling out of love with him, and you tried to find ways to tell him, but you noticed you were doing that with everyone so you didn’t feel so bad. You and John were always super close, but now you rarely talked, and not because of any fault of his own. Because of your fault. You went back to your bedroom after a while, slipping by without them noticing you and you went back to bed. Recently that all you did was sleep. You got over eight hours a night, but you were still so tiered. ~*~*~*~8 Dinner. Was. Hell. Mrs. Hudson made dinner that night, staying up there to eat with you all. You ate in silence for most of the meal, but John got Mrs. Hudson started on something and she as rambling on, as usual. You tried to tune her out, but you failed. Instead, her voice was like a constant background noise. You could hear her speaking, but you couldn’t make out what she was saying. Instead, you heard the tapping of Sherlock’s spoon against his bowl every time he went to get a bite of stew and you gripped your spoon tighter, knuckles going white. John nudged your foot under the table and you snapped your head up to look at him. Mrs. Hudson didn’t notice that none of you were listening and was still talking as you and John made eye contact. “Alright?” He mouthed to you. You only mustered a nod and stared back down at your stew. Click, click. Then a slurp from someone else at the table. Then a click. Then someone shuffled. You could feel your breathing change, from slow and steady to erratic as you tried to stop the anger boiling inside of you. Click. Slurp. Shuffle. Sherlock clicked his spoon again and you turned to him slightly. “Can you stop, please?” You asked quietly, so quietly he barely heard you. “Stop what?” “Clicking your soon, it’s annoying.” He shook his head. “Y/N, it’s barely making any noise. I can’t help it, I’m not doing it on purpose.” You took a deep and shaky breath, trying not to lash out. “Well, try not to, please.” He didn’t say anything but you knew he was trying. A shuffle here and there and a slurp wasn’t so bad, you guessed. You tried to tell yourself they couldn’t help it, they were living. Mrs. Hudson had stopped, but started again when John, bless him, mentioned something he read in the paper. The shuffling, the slurping, Mrs. Hudson's constant, unnecessary chatter was almost too much. Then it happened. Click. You dropped your spoon, stew flying out as it hit the surface of the dish, sinking in. You turned to Sherlock angrily, hands curling into a fist out of rage. “PLEASE, will you please stop!” You yelled, not really knowing where all of this anger was coming from. Mrs. Hudson stopped, John slowly lowered his spoon, and Sherlock stared at you in shock as you tried to grasp what you just did. It was complete silence and you felt your muscles begin to relax and tears filled your eyes. You blinked them back, tearing your eyes from Sherlock’s and looking at your hands, red and slowly uncurling. “I’m sorry, ju-excuse me.” You jumped from the table, as if your seat was on fire and ran back to the bedroom, locking the door. And you. Lost. it. You buried your face in your pillow, crying harder than you had in ages. You were angry, confused, irritated, embarrassed and overall, you felt horrible. He couldn’t help it. He told you that, and you knew it perfectly well. You had done it in the past, you had done it some that night yourself. It wasn’t something he could help. The shuffling wasn’t something that could be helped. Mrs. Hudson was just trying to be friendly. And you went and screwed it all up. As usual. Go you. You tried calming down and taking deep breaths, but every time you tried you hyperventilated more and more. You heard a knock on the door, followed by Sherlock calling your name, but you didn’t answer. You didn’t want to get up and answer the door and you didn’t want to call back to him, partly because you couldn’t. Another knock, then silence from the other side of the door. You thought he had gone away and you leaned your head back against the headboard of the bed, still trying to breath deeply and correctly. You heard a door open and turned to see Sherlock emerging from the bathroom door. You completely forgot. “(Y/N)? What’s wrong?” He sat on the bed, keeping his distance, but his face was full of concern. You only shook your head, causing Sherlock to inch closer to you. “Don’t lie.” He said simply, placing a reassuring hand on your ankle. You wanted to pull away, but, after snapping at him earlier and knowing that he was only trying to help and didn’t really know what he was doing, you let it stay. Maybe it will bring you comfort in a second. “(Y/N), I think you’re just having an anxiety attack.” He said calmly as he could. He almost sounded like a doctor to you. He moved so that he was sitting beside you, and his hand came up to your face, cupped slightly. You pulled back, not wanting him to really touch you at all. “You need to take deep breaths, this will help. Let me help you, please.” You tried taking another deep breath but, seeing as it wasn’t working, you let Sherlock gently cup his hand over your nose and mouth as you breathed into it. “This way, you’re re-inhaling the carbon dioxide, which will help to slow your body down and allow you to breath.” He explained, sounding almost like he was reading out of a text book. Little did you know, he was searching for anything he learned about anxiety and panic attacks that was stored away in his knowledge filled brain to help you. He kept his hand there for a few moments as you tried taking more deep breaths. You could feel your body and mind relaxing as breathing came easier and easier. Exhausted, you leaned your head against Sherlock’s shoulder, putting your hand over his to make sure it stayed where it was to help you breath. A couple of more seconds, and you were breathing almost normally, but it was good enough for Sherlock to take his and back, putting it to his side, knowing that someone who is having or has recently had an anxiety attack probably doesn’t need to be crowded all that much, and they definitely need their space. You closed your eyes, lids heavy ~*~ Sherlock left the room as soon as you were asleep and under the blankets, comfortable, no doubt. John and Mrs. Hudson were still awake, sitting in the living room as if it were a waiting room, waiting on his verdict. As soon as he entered, they turned to him and he explained, in as little detail as possible, what happened. John only nodded, understanding very, very well just what had transpired, but Mrs. Hudson was full of questions. “Why didn’t she say something?” She asked, shaking her head. “I would have been quiet.” Sherlock sent her a doubtful look but John spoke up before Mrs. Hudson could see Sherlock’s glare. “She was probably trying to be polite, and in the end it was just way to much.” “Overstimulation” Sherlock blurted.  John and Mrs. Hudson looked at him. “Common in those who suffer from anxiety.” Mrs. Hudson only nodded, moving to the kitchen like a woman on a mission. “I’ll put the kettle on and take her a cuppa.” Sherlock turned and stopped her. “She’s asleep already. Best to let her rest.” Mrs. Hudson stopped, turning back to the living room before nodded. ~*~*~*~*~*~ You tried to keep your head down for the next few days after what had happened. For whatever reason, you couldn’t bring yourself to look John and Mrs. Hudson in the eye to apologize for what happened the other night. You wanted to, you didn’t mean to shout at anyone. You should have just walked away, but you weren’t thinking clearly. That hadn’t been the only thing that happened, however. Your week was full of mess-ups and complete disasters. You had been fired from your job due to cuts in their budget. They weren’t able to pay all of the people they had at the branch, and, though you poured everything you had into your work, that apparently wasn’t good enough and they let you go. Countless sleepless nights in front of your computer, even Sherlock began begging you to get some sleep. You guessed it was because you were cranky. He tried to worm his way out of that one, but you knew that was the reason. Your work still wasn’t good enough. You could have given them everything and they still would have let you go, and you had no idea why. You thought your work wasn’t too great before, you knew it as a fact, but you did your best. Your best, you thought, just was never good enough. You wondered if it had to do with your coworkers. You didn’t really click with any of them and only regularly spoke to one or two every day. You wondered if maybe you were creating an awkward work environment. You were sure you were, but you wanted to get in, work, and get out. You didn’t want to waste time talking to people when you could be working on something worth your time. However, that didn’t matter. You still just weren’t good enough. You thought you should just accept it. It was the same in school’ you tried as hard as you could but still weren’t the best. Years later, nothing’s changed. You trudged home early, hoping Mrs. Hudson wouldn’t notice and that Sherlock and John were out on a case. John was gone, he had a job interview (lucky). Sherlock, however, had nothing going on and recognized your footsteps stomping up the stairs. “You’re home early.” He said as you walked in. “Don’t remind me.” You grumbled, throwing your bag and coat on John’s chair. “Finish quickly.” “Never started.” He looked up at you, noticing your disposition and putting the pieces together. “Oh.” He nodded. “Yup.” You plopped in the chair. “They apparently had other employees with more training and experience in more areas and therefore would be of more use, but I know the employees they’re talking about and they literally do nothing. All day, they stand by the fountain and gossip while I try not to fall asleep at me desk because I pulled an all-nighter for these ungrateful as-” “Language.” You shot him a dirty look. “People.” You spat. He sighed. “Maybe this just wasn’t the job for you. You’ll find one eventually.” You rolled your eyes, exhausted. The day hadn’t even begun. “Here.” Sherlock handed a page of the newspaper. “Dozens of ‘help wanted’ ads here.” You took the page, but shoved it to the side, not wanting to look then. “Thanks.” You leaned back, closing your eyes. Later that afternoon John arrived, large smile on his face. “Dinner is on me tonight. We’re going out.” “What’s the occasion?” Mrs. Hudson wondered. His smile widened. “I got the job!” He exclaimed. Mrs. Hudson cheered and congratulated him and Sherlock managed a nice friendly pat on the back, but his eyes shifted to you. He was the only person in the room that knew. “I’m happy for you.” You said, forcing a smile. “But I think I’ll just stay here.” “What? Why?” John asked. “I just….don’t fell very well. I’ve had a long day as well, so I think I’m going to bed.” “Oh, well, let’s just postpone it then. Maybe tomorrow night?” You groaned on the inside. “No, go out and have fun, your excited, don’t let me ruin that.” You patted his shoulder then walked back to the bedroom, wanting to hurry. Sherlock walked in moments later. “Would you like me to stay with you?” He asked. You shook your head. “Have fun.” “Are you sure you want to stay?” You nodded. “Quite sure. I know I would just spoil the mood and I can’t do that to John.” “He wants you there, whether you’re the life of the party or a complete buzzkill. He thinks of you like a sister, you know.” You sighed, torn but stubborn. “I know.” Sherlock, realizing that you weren’t going to change your mind, grabbed his coat. “Just text me anytime if you change your mind.” ~*~ They had been gone for an hour or two before you left the bedroom. You hadn’t wanted to, but someone rang the doorbell and you were the only one home. They had left by the time you reached the door, but you saw an envelope on the table in the foyer addressed to you, John, and Sherlock. The envelope wasn’t formally filled out and you knew the handwriting. The rent bill. That was due. John had trouble finding a job before, and didn’t have much money. He contributed what little he could, but you and Sherlock paid for most of the rent. But now, you’ve lost your job and John won’t get paid until weeks after the rent is due, and Sherlock will be paying well over half of what he should be paying. All because you weren’t good enough. Guilt seeped in and you went back upstairs, trying to forget that the bill was there, but you couldn’t. You wouldn’t be able to pay and John would wonder why, if he ever found out, and you would have to tell him you were fired. He would figure it out eventually, you knew that, but you didn’t want it to be because you couldn’t pay your share of the rent. You would just have to spend what little money you had left very sparingly. No more going out to eat, no more going out with friends, unless you were just going to the park, or walking around town (but even then, you would mind staying home). You would be careful, and hopefully no questions would be raised. ~*~*~*~*~*~ You don’t know what compelled you to write a letter. You don’t know what compelled you to do this at all. You knew that only John would be home to read it. Since he hadn’t started his job yet and Sherlock had gone, he would be the first to find it. Him or Mrs. Hudson, and by then the problem would be solved. It wouldn’t take but a few seconds to fix it. There were several bridges in London, each on with its pros and cons. You just had to decide on which one. If it was too close to home, John might read the letter earlier than intended and he may be able to find you. If it was too far from home, he would read the letter before you got there, and would be able to send police, or someone else to stop you before you made it to the ledge. So you picked one a couple of miles from the flat, overlooking the Thames. It seemed like the perfect spot. Not many people crossed, so you weren’t going to be stopped or viewed by as many. You had your arms on the concrete railing, looking at the brown, murky water beneath you. This was, truly in your opinion, the only solution. You couldn’t find another job, you couldn’t just NOT pay your part of the rent, but you couldn’t just move out-you had nowhere to go, other than the streets, and that, for you, wasn’t an option. You would rather die… You were hellish to live with anyway, you thought. You wondered for months why John and Sherlock put up with you. John was patient and kind to everyone, not seeming to have much of a limit when he knew that someone needed help. Sherlock was just always somewhat rude and you always wrote that off as part of his character, but you wondered if it really wasn’t. Yes, you two were dating, so he couldn’t hate you THAT much, but at the same time, you wondered if he just was going along with it for your sake, or just so things don’t get awkward. You doubted everyone around you, and that was your downfall, but you couldn’t stop yourself. You took a deep breath, knowing it was now or never. You hadn’t changed your mind, but John would have read the note by now and would be trying to find something to do to stop you. And you were right. John found the note five minutes after you left and immediately grabbed his phone, dialing your number, hoping you would answer. When the phone went to voicemail, he brought the phone back down and, with deft but shaking fingers, dialed the number he knew would work. “John, hi.” Lestrade greeted. “Look, we’ve got a problem.” “Alright, well,” Greg cut him off. “I’ll be off around five, I’m on a case right now, so.” “Greg, this is serious, I’ve got a note, a...” He really honestly didn’t want to say it. He just wanted to give Greg the name of the bridge you mentioned and let that be the end of it. “A what?” “A suicide note. It’s from (Y/N).” There was silence, some shouting, then Greg’s voice. “Where is she?” John did his best as he ran down the stairs to tell him where you were, keeping his voice as calm and steady as possible. He had gone through this once, under very different circumstances, of course, but he knew the outcome and he knew the emotional toll it had on everyone involved. He did not want to go through tat again, and he certainly couldn’t imagine Sherlock attempting to deal with your death. He banged on Mrs. Hudson’s door until she opened it as he typed Sherlock’s number in next. “I need the keys to your car, Mrs. Hudson, I promise this is important, more important than anything.” She stared at him confused for a second, but, trusting him, she grabbed the keys from a table beside her door and threw them at him. He caught them with ease, putting the phone up to his ear and praying Sherlock was close enough and that he would answer his phone for once. ~*~*~*~*~*~ You wrapped your hand around the lamppost for support as you balanced yourself on the railing. Looking down, your stomach twisted in knots, but you reminded yourself that it would be over soon, so you wouldn’t have to worry. You heard police sirens and several quick, heavy footsteps approaching the bridge, and you knew they were coming for you. You turned just to make sure, but your foot slipped and you swung your arms around the post, trying to regain your balance. “(Y/N)?” You heard Lestrade yell as you turned back around to face them. He pushed his way to the front of the few police officers he brought with him. “What are you doing? Come down from there and whatever’s the matter, we’ll find a way to fix it. Alright? Let’s talk it out, but this isn’t fixing anything.” You opened your mouth slightly, going to answer, when another pair of hurried footsteps approached from the other side of the bridge, and you heard the owner yelling your name. Sherlock stopped when he saw you, clinging to the lamp post, your feet mere centimeters from the edge, your grip on the post the only thing keeping you from tumbling into the Thames. He inched forward, not wanting to seem like he was going to pull you down. He knew that if he tried, or if it seemed like that at all to you, there was a chance that you would let go and fall back. He held out a hand, open, palm facing up as he got closer. “(Y/N),” He began softly. “come down. Please.” When you didn’t budge, he moved another inch, moving to the side so that your attention was away from the police officers surrounding you and all you could see was Sherlock and Lestrade; two concerned friends. “Please.” He begged again. “Let’s talk, let’s work this out, this isn’t the answer.” You still said nothing. Just looked him dead in the eye. He sighed, knowing he was going to have keep talking. “Do you remember that night we sat in and you and I watched all of those movies-the old ones that you liked?” Greg, confused, turned to Sherlock. This was no time for reminiscing, he needed to get her down, but you responded with a nod and he knew Sherlock was getting somewhere. “And do you remember that movie-I can’t remember the name-we watched at the end of the night. You were half asleep, lying on my shoulder, but you remember it?” A nod. “The line of advice, the one we said was a bit ironic given the actor involved in the scene. That line, you know it? I can’t remember it off of the top of my head, I only watched it once.” He took a deep breath, making eye contact with you. “This is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.” He said slowly, making sure you caught every word and took it to heart. “We can work whatever’s the matter out, just give us a chance.” Greg turned as a red car pulled up at the end of the bridge and John jumped out of it, leaving it running as he ran towards them. Greg, however, knowing how fragile the moment was, held out a hand to stop him, not wanting any movement to distract you and interrupt the crucial moment. “Please.” He begged softly again. They all watching in anticipation as you slowly unwrapped your arms around the post. You wondered if you were making the right decision, but you knew that they were trying to help and you could see now how much they cared. The voice, though, in the back of your mind reminded you that they probably just didn’t want your blood on their hands. You don’t really know what made you do it. Maybe the voice was wrong, maybe it was right. But either way, your hand reached out for Sherlock’s as the traffic noise grew louder and a honk echoed loudly, and your palms never met. ~*~*~*~*~ Sherlock sat in his chair, looking towards the ground, then back to the fireplace, which he lit for you. You had fallen back into the Thames, but, since everyone knew you had fallen, they were able to jump in and find you, pulling you back to shore just in time. You were taken to the hospital, but there wasn’t much of the Thames in your lungs since you were only there a short amount of time. They wanted to keep you, just for observation, but Sherlock insisted that you needed to be home. This was where you were more comfortable. You knew this place, you knew and trusted the people here. They didn’t need to surround you with unfamiliar faces, making you feel out of place. This is where you belonged. And a threat from Mycroft Holmes sealed the deal. You would be going home that afternoon, no questions asked. Now, it was just a fight against the cold. You had woken up long enough to check out of the hospital and get home, but as soon as Sherlock lit the fire and wrapped you in a blanket, you were sleeping like a baby once again, this time on your own free will. You had, before falling asleep, curled up in his lap, almost like a child, and cried into his shoulder. You still felt awful-like the scum of the earth. But you were loved scum, you supposed, and that was better than just...scum. No, nothing was better right away, it would take time-a lot of time- and a lot of patience. You would relapse, and you would get low, but now you knew where to go and that made a difference. You knew you had at least one person to go to, that would listen, and you felt a small weight lift from your shoulders. I’m SO sorry this is over a month late. I promise I’ll start working on the other requests ASAP, I’ve just had a lot on my plate. I got busy, then I got lazy, then I got busy again and writers block and I have been close as of late. Anyway, it’s here now and I hope it’s what you wanted. If not, message me and we can work it out (and it will be fixed A LOT sooner than this got out!) Thanks! Also, an announcement coming up, so look out for that. Thanks again. Requests are CLOSED.

#Sherlock oneshot #Sherlock reader inserts #reader insert #Sherlock x reader #reader inserts #Sherlock reader insert #Sherlock holmes #holmes x reader #reader x sherlock #reader x holmes #bbc Sherlock oneshots #bbc Sherlock reader inserts

[traumawings]

tbh i half-assed my maths homework (which should have been handed in by like,,, yesterday already but okay) but ugh. i also looked at the stuff my maths teacher apparently discussed during the class i missed today and literally wtf, just wtf

i wish i could properly relax but i’m already worried about having to go back to school wednesday and i hate it, i’m trying to come up with ways to skip as much class as possible but it’s not really working lol

i’m also getting hot flashes again because s t r e s s and i hate it. literally thinking about my tests and homework makes me wanna cry right now because how the fuck am i going to manage to get everything done in time. i don’t even fucking want to study anymore, i don’t wanna do anything. sometimes i get just these tiny bursts of motivation and energy and then i suddenly feel like everything’s okay and like i’ve never felt bad before, but honestly?? overall i’m just so fucking drained, i don’t even know how i manage to get out of bed because i’ve got nothing left to give yet i keep giving anyway. school feels like such an impossible thing to me.

 when i was out shopping for school supplies with my mom today, i was struggling so much to like,,, not go back to the same aisle again and again because i kept feeling like i had to go back because “what if i’m missing something” (which is something i always do, but it tends to get worse when i’m really stressed) and there were barely any people but i got irritated and tired and light-headed so quickly and i feel like i’m just making things bigger than they are but like,,, it’s starting to take less and less to make me feel completely stressed out and overwhelmed, i’m getting more headaches again and i genuinely need a break but i can’t properly take a break because i can’t stay home for long enough but the thought of going back to school makes me wanna cry right now and ugh. 

i’m genuinely considering just saying “fuck it” and not studying for my tests or putting in effort anymore at all, and just trying again after my autumn break but i know i’m not going to do that anyway. i wish i could still do that, but i literally can’t anymore. 

tbh i just wanna feel like i did yesterday again just so i could cry for a bit because i need to fucking cry but i can’t. i wish i still had that same energy that i did right after i first got my meds. i was so motivated and happy and excited about learning. now i just do it because i need to pass and get good grades. i just don’t see myself ever getting better.

#vent #vent post #ventpost #mine

[pickalilywrites]

Rivetra for The Spiderman movie please?

Send me a ship and a movie and I’ll write a one-shot!

You Don’t Have To Be Alone

I’ve actually only seen the Toby Maguire and Andrew Garfield one although I hear the recent Tom Holland movie is excellent! Spiderman is probably one of my favorite Marvel heroes to watch in film tbh. 

Levi’s kind of a curious choice to be Spiderman (personality-wise they’re quite different, at least from what I’ve seen in the movies) but it was pretty fun imagining what it’d be like if he were!

He picks up the phone as soon as he sees the stupid scientist’s name flicker across his screen. If anyone knows what’s wrong with him, she does.

“You better have something good to tell me,” he growls. There were some things that were a little more convenient than others. The superhuman strength, for example, and the heightened senses like hearing and sensing movements in his surroundings. But other things were just weird or plain disgusting, like the strange webby fluid that came from his wrists. It’s not that difficult for him to hide these things from his classmates; it’s not like he talks to very many people anyway, but it’s fucking annoying.

“I have two things to tell you,” Hanji chirps on the phone. She either doesn’t mind his harsh tone or doesn’t care, although it’s quite possible that she hasn’t taken notice of it either. A part of him thinks that the scientist, although a highly gifted employee at Titan Corp., is kind of an airhead. “The bad news is that I have no idea if we can ever reverse the effects of the spider bite. The good news is that it seems to have altered your DNA for the better. Super strength, heightened senses, your enhanced physiology. You could be a superhero! And I took a look at that fluid sample from your wrists. Did you know it’s made up of that same stuff that spiderwebs are made up of? It’s pretty incredible.”  

“How is any of that good news?” he hisses. Sure, maybe it’s every kid’s dream to be a superhero but he’s not a kid. “If you guys were going to have something as disgusting as a spider around, you guys should have locked it up properly.” His free hand reaches up to his neck. The bump from where the spider bit him isn’t as prominent as it was the day he got it, but he can still feel it when he rubs his thumb across it.

“Hey, it wasn’t just any spider. It was a genetically enhanced spider for scientific purposes! And normal spiders aren’t bad either. They’re just misunderstood! People just paint the little critters as villains because they’re scared and don’t know any better.”

He’s about to tell her he doesn’t have time to listen to her chatter on about the wonders of spiders and their abilities, but a voice from behind calls him. “Levi!”

There aren’t a lot of people who would shout his name and normally that sort of thing would bother him. He hates his name being shouted for so many other people to hear, but he knows that voice and he’d be stupid to ignore the girl calling for him. “I’ll call you back later,” he says, interrupting Hanji in the middle of her sentence and not even bothering to say goodbye before he hangs up.

Petra looks curiously at him as he hurriedly shoves his phone into the pocket of his jeans. “Was that important? You could have just told me you were busy,” she says to him.

“It wasn’t important,” he lies.

She wrinkles her nose at him, showing she doesn’t believe him. “Alright. I just wanted to make sure you were still coming over to study. You are, right?”

“Yeah,” he grunts. “You’ll be home at four, right? When your club meeting ends.” He’s not actually sure how he’s managed to snag a study session with Petra Ral. He’s not actually sure why she’s invited him to her house for studying, but he’s sure as hell going to go along with it because there’s really no other way he’d get close to her.

She smiles at him and she has a dimple in her cheek, he notices. “Yeah. I’ll text you if I’m out early though.” She glances at her watch. “Better go before I’m late. I’ll see you later, Levi.” She leaves but not before reaching out to squeeze his arm, giving him a smile before she walks away.

He’s never really been the type to stop and stare in awe, but for some reason he’s rooted to his spot and he watches as Petra disappears in the crowd of people in the hallway. He would probably stand there all day if left uninterrupted, but his phone vibrates violently in his pocket and snaps him out of his daze.

It’s Hanji again.

“Did you have something else to tell me?” he asks, a little miffed that the scientist feels the need to call him up twice in such a short period of time.

“Was that a girl calling your name before you hung up on me?” she asks. “Her voice is cute! She’s not your girlfriend, is she? You never said you had a girlfriend. I can’t really imagine you with one, to be honest. You’re kind of a dark and brooding loner. Some girls like that though. Maybe that’s it?”

He hangs up without saying anything and makes a mental note not to pick up for her anytime soon.

“Heroes are really something,” she murmurs as she scrolls through an article on her laptop.

Petra, Levi has discovered, isn’t that great at studying. She does it in spurts. Reads something for thirty minutes, then fools around by looking at cat pictures or reading articles about heroes saving the city. He’s never been able to take breaks like that. He has to do everything at once or not at all. He scolded her once or twice for fooling around but she always tells him that she retains information when she studies this way.

“Stop looking up pictures of Captain America,” he tells her, not even bothering to glare at her anymore because he’s too used to this.

She turns her laptop around, a picture of the blonde supermodel superhero on her screen. “Captain America? More like ‘Commander Handsome,’ right?”

He doesn’t bother responding to that. “Why do you like superheroes so much?” he asks instead.

“Hmm?” she turns the laptop back to face her, typing a few things in. She’s probably looking for more pictures of Captain America or some other superhero that everyone else is spazzing about. He thinks she has an unhealthy obsession with them, but then again everybody seems to these days. She finally tears her eyes away from her screen to look at him. “You don’t like them?”

He shrugs. It’s not that he hates them. He just doesn’t understand them. He can’t see these all-powerful people saving others out of the goodness of their hearts. It didn’t seem to be a good enough reason. “I’m indifferent,” he replies.

“Well,” Petra says. She sets her laptop on her bed next to her and closes it. “When people are helpless, shouldn’t you help them if you have the ability to instead of looking the other way? It makes people less alone, I think, especially when they feel helpless.”

And maybe that’s why he doesn’t get it. Because he’s always been alone and now he doesn’t feel like he owes the world a thing. He never asked for these powers and even if they are a blessing, why should he use them to help people who would have turned a blind eye on him in the past? Where had they been when he cowered in the corner when strange men came home with his mother? Where were they when he and his mother didn’t have food for days? And where were they when he finally watched his mother pass away, leaving him truly alone?

“Levi.” Her voice breaks him away from his train of thought and she’s leaning towards him now, her hand stretched out to brush his hair away from his eyes. “Are you okay?”

He grabs her wrist, stopping her from touching her face and he can see that he’s gripping her too hard because of how she’s wincing. He lets go just as quickly as if he were burned. “I’m fine,” he mutters. “Let’s get back to studying.”

She opens her mouth and it appears that she’s about to say something, but she shuts her mouth and just nods, opening her laptop again.

He’s always been okay with silence. He finds it peaceful, but this time it’s different. It’s so quiet that it’s giving him a headache and he can’t stand the distance he feels growing between them. And he probably can’t close the gap, he’ll probably end up alone again, but he finds himself reaching for her hand and whispering, “I’m sorry,” in a voice so desperate that he doesn’t realize how much he wants to fix this until now.

She looks at his hand so tentative on hers and she sees his face. He’s ready for her to pull her hand away from his but she abandons her laptop, pulls him into her arms. “I know,” she tells him.

He wraps his arms around her and doesn’t let go.

His phone vibrates in his pocket and sighs, not even bothering to glance at the screen when he picks up because he already knows who it is. “Do you have to call me all the time?” he asks.

“Do I have to call you every time you rescue a cat from a tree? Save people from an impending doom? Prevent total destruction of the world?” Hanji asks on the other end. She always has impeccable timing, calling him the second he’s done with one of his unintended hero tasks. It’s like she has cameras everywhere. “Yeah, I do! What if something happens to you? You should be flattered I care about you so much!”

“It’s not flattering, it’s just a bother,” he tells her.

As usual, she just laughs it off as if it were just a joke. “You’re funny, Levi,” she says. “But you know, I’ve really got to wonder why you’re doing all this. Didn’t you say you weren’t interested in being a hot shot superhero? I’m pretty sure you’re the only thing the people in this city talk about now.”

He had never meant to be a hero, not then and not now. It just sort of happened. It started with him helping a cat out of a tree. It wouldn’t be a big deal, he decided. He just had to pull over his hood to obscure his face a little, use his new webbing powers to reach the cat, and then bring it back down. He’d do it and leave it before anyone could see him. The only problem was that someone did see him. It was a kid who was probably in elementary school who had come to see where the crying cat was.

“You saved that cat!” the kid said, wide-eyed.

“Uh, I guess,” Levi mumbled, trying to pull his hood down over his face more.

“Are you some kind of superhero?” the kid asked suspiciously, trying to sneak a peek at Levi’s face.

“No,” Levi said hastily. “Why would you say that?”

“I saw you get down on from that tree with this string stuff from your hands!” the kid said. He was speaking a little too loudly, but Levi didn’t know how to shut the kid up. “You were like some kind of…spider man!”

“You’re just seeing things,” Levi said, pushing past the kid and the stupid cat that kept rubbing at his legs. He was trying to act natural, but he was probably walking too quickly to seem completely unsuspicious. “Go to school!”

He should have been a lot more cautious after that, perhaps just avoided any type of heroic act entirely, but things just kept popping up. It used to be just simple things like saving people who were crossing the street at the wrong time and preventing them from being hit by a bus. Then things just started escalating. There were “meta-humans,” as Hanji called them, popping up over the city. People with superhuman powers that were able to control the elements. Some of them were heroes, part of a team that people referred to as the Avengers, but others came to terrorize the city. So of course, he found himself in the middle of everything he had meant to keep away from and the next thing he knew, his hooded figure and dreadful superhero name (which ended up being “Spiderman,” a hero name that a ten-year-old could think up) were splattered on every newspaper and television screen.

“It just sort of happened,” he says to Hanji after a while.

She snorts. “Please, I’ve been begging you for it and you would just grumble to me about how you didn’t owe the world a damn thing.”

He still stood by that thought. He still doesn’t owe anyone anything, but he sometimes thinks about what Petra said. Maybe he could make it so that those who are in need the most aren’t alone.

“My friend’s more convincing than you,” he tells her.

“Must be a good friend,” Hanji muses.

“Yeah, well. She’s not bad, I guess.”

She’s on his doorstep and he has to stop himself from slamming the door in her face. He’s faced monsters with unnatural powers, so why is it that a normal girl like her makes him want to run away?

“What are you doing here?”

He doesn’t make any room for her to come in, but she pushes past him and walks into his apartment. It’s a mess no matter how much he cleans it. His uncle’s a slob and leaves his trash everywhere. The only real clean space is Levi’s room, but Petra looks too angry to care about how messy his place is.

“What are you hiding?” she asks. She’s planted herself firmly in the center of the living room, making it clear that she didn’t plan on leaving unless he gave her a clear answer.

“I’m not hiding anything,” he mutters, but he doesn’t know why he even bothers lying to her. She knows him too well and she’s too stubborn to give up. “Petra, it’s really nothing.”

“You don’t even show up to classes half of the time. You don’t return my calls. I haven’t talked to you in days, Levi,” she says. She’s angry, but she’s trying hard not to cry. “What are you doing that you can’t tell me?”

He can’t bring himself to tell her. It’s too dangerous for her to know. But he can’t bring himself to lead her out of the apartment either. He stands in place and lets her walk closer to him, her hand reaching out to push back the hood of his jacket, so she can see his face. He closes his eyes when she finally pulls it back and hears her gasp when she sees the cuts and bruises on his face.

“Levi,” she whispers, “what happened?”

“I’m sorry.”

She should walk out right now, leave him alone like he had always been, but she takes him in her arms. “Don’t be sorry,” she tells him. “Just tell me what’s wrong. So you don’t have to be alone anymore.”

And he does.

#snk #rivetra #petra ral #levi ackerman #hanji zoe #i write too much for one shots tbh #spiderman au #asks #answered #anon #anonymous