#I hate this title but I'm tired and I can't come up with a better one

[grandlinedreams]

Absolutely adore you’re writing, and it’s been getting me through a rough patch lately. So on that note, I was wondering if you could write Law comforting reader when they have those dark, anxiety-inducing bedtime thoughts? 😅

Hi!! Of course bb -- and if you need someone to talk to, my dms are always open!!

[Heads up!: mention of anxiety/spirals, a panic attack]

When you spend more time beneath the ocean than on land, it's hard to keep a decent sleep schedule. After all, the only way you know the day has passed are the clocks, carefully tended to in order to remain accurate. 

And yet, sleep eludes you. You've tried making sure that you're appropriately worn out, tried tea, reading a book ㅡ nothing helps. No matter how hard you try, aware of the heaviness of your eyelids, sleep won't come. 

To make matters worse, there are your thoughts as of late. At first it'd been the occasional thought, momentary and fleeting, dismissed because you know better than that. But then there'd been more than one, slipping through cracks, widening into wide, yawning chasms until it floods your head, impossible to stop. 

"Can't sleep?" Law's voice makes you jolt, looking up to find him standing in the doorway of the common room ㅡ a small space made cozier for the couch you're curled up on, the short table used for cards and other games during downtime. 

Law watches you nod, arms wrapping tighter around your legs, folded as close to your chest as you can get them. A defense mechanism, one he knows well. He'd be an idiot to not see that something is bothering you, but he isn't sure how to ask. He's not good at this, never has been ㅡ but he still wants to try.

Approaching, he seats himself a small space from you, trying to figure out how to go about this. If he says the wrong thing, you'll only clam up further. 

"...I keep thinking about things I shouldn't." He blinks, looking over when you speak, but you aren't looking at him. Your voice is a soft, fragile thing, barely above a whisper. "About everything that's happened, what to do if something else goes wrong…" Your voice wavers, and you hate it. "And with not being able to sleep, I'm so tired and if something happensㅡ"

Exhaustion causes mistakes. Mistakes get people hurt, get them killed ㅡ and it'll be your fault.

It's a rapid cycle, the tumultuous tumble of your thoughts, each worse than the next. A turbulent sea from which there is no land, dragging you down, down, down ㅡ 

"[Name]." Law's hand is on your back now, his voice solid and urgent as he tugs at you, grip firm to untangle your limbs and ease you towards him. "You need to breathe, [Name]."

You know that, but you can't steady the sharp, shallow gasps, hiccuped breath that makes your head spin. Part of you notes when you're eased into Law's lap, the solid warmth of his chest against your back, long fingers prying yours out of the fists they've curled into and intertwining. 

"Breathe," he repeats, "try to match mine." He sucks in a breath, steady and slow, then exhales in the same manner. It takes you a while to ground yourself enough to do so, the shudder of your body gradually easing until your head is no longer spinning.

Gods above, you're so tired. 

Law watched you relax against him, the tension of your hands in his dissipating ㅡ but he doesn't push for you to get out of his lap. Instead he adjusts to make you more comfortable, one arm against your back and the other slung over your legs.

Cora had once held him like this, the memory of it guiding him on what to do. He isn't Cora, but he's glad that he can offer comfort to you in the same way. 

"Law?" Given the late hour and current situation, he doesn't think to scold you for not addressing him properly. Title doesn't have space here, not like this. He hums, a quiet prompt for you to continue. 

"I'm sorry," you say. "For being like this." 

His grip on you tightens. He knows how to protect his crew from physical dangers, from people who dare to threaten his family ㅡ but it's different when the enemy is your own mind, vicious and cruel with imagined scenarios and plenty of blame to go with it. 

"You have nothing to apologize for." Another tentative step over a careful boundary, the press of his lips to your hair. "From now on, when you feel like this…" He pauses. "Come to me. We don't have to talk about it, but I'd rather you not be alone. Okay?" 

You sigh softly, leaning into him, and Law swears that his heart doesn't do funny things because of it. "Okay." 

#ㅡmine. #one piece x reader #one piece scenario #trafalgar law x reader #law x reader #anonymous

[seraphiism]

❀ ﾟ. ༄ ┊ 𝐂𝐀𝐌𝐏𝐔𝐒 𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 ! ( 𝐩𝐭. 𝐢𝐯 ) ;

characters : cyno / alhaitham / kaveh a/n : hiii welcome back campus encounters where everyone is a clown pt. i / ii / iii

↬ cyno ࿐ ࿔

you don't know what to expect in law school. you really don't. you expect high stakes, tension in the air. you expect competition, harsh professors who purposely try to weed out the "weak" and make the class excruciatingly difficult. you're not entirely wrong, you suppose, but the last thing you would imagine is-- well, cyno.

your first impression is entirely wrong. however, you have also known him for-- you glance at the clock-- two minutes.

a sharp gaze, head held high. he radiates an intimidating aura, holds himself to something more grand. you don't have intentions to make small talk; you're too tired for an 8:30am class, anyway, and you hate to admit that he almost frightens you. the professor runs out for a moment. brief technical issue-- something like that. you're already zoning out.

in that small frame of time, the lecture hall comes to life, fills with a thousand conversations at once. you ignore them all, absentmindedly skimming the syllabus. you fail to see cyno's eyes trained on you. intent. focused.

"i guess there's been a...law-l in this class."

you freeze. something in your fight or flight instinct activates. the voice came from your right. cyno is also on your right. surely that wasn't him, right?

right?

you swallow hard, slowly turn your head to look at him.

god. you hope that wasn't him. 8:32 am and you are subjected to inhumane crimes in your introduction to law class. red eyes bore into your soul. his face is blank. you don't know what to make of this.

"you know. like lull. law-l."

it doesn't work that way, you think, and the exasperation almost meets your visage, but you keep it at bay. can't hurt this stranger's feelings, after all. there's something akin to hope in those crimson hues, barely on the surface, but ever so present.

you purse your lips, unable to figure out this delicate situation. you could change this man's life forever. what if you make this future lawyer feel like a clown? what if he dropped out? you are not being dramatic, by the way.

you purse your lips, tight, utterly amused and defeated by the ridiculous predicament. you stare at each other, dead silent.

you laugh. you don't know why, but you do, and maybe it's because of the way he comes off so serious, maybe it's the way you can practically see the hope that his pun will get a reaction.

you may also be delirious. maybe.

"oh, you are hilarious."

cyno smiles. somewhere, he feels tighnari's soul shrivel in the depths of despair.

"no, i'm cyno."

↬ alhaitham ࿐ ࿔

"oh my god." you do not know how many times you have said this in the past ten seconds. twice? three times? a hundred? ( that wouldn't be logically possible, alhaitham says, so you say it again ). "i'm dying. it's coming. i feel it in my bones."

"what is?"

"death."

alhaitham stares at you, deadpan.

"you are being dramatic."

"i'm sorry. i will do it again."

you don't mind literature analysis, not really. it's fascinating-- the way you piece concepts together, discover hidden meaning in seemingly superficial words. it's much easier when you enjoy said literature itself, but when you don't? you may as well throw yourself into the void. suddenly you cannot read.

metaphor to metaphor, symbolism in the strangest of things ( okay, so the kitchen cupboards were pastel yellow and not white in this house, so what? ), you grow frustrated as a nearing deadline approaches, brain absolutely fried from finals. you have ten pages to write. you have two done ( those two are the title page and reference page. so no, they do not count ).

you're not sure how it came to this-- 4am and you're huddled up with alhaitham in the corner of the library, your forehead against the desk, your fellow classmate casually drinking his fifth coffee as if caffeine has no impact on him. he's much better at writing papers than you are, and in all his glory, decided to help you. kind of.

it's been about two hours since you've been working together, and while you appreciate the help, the lack of sleep is finally getting to you. you're burned out, tired, and truthfully, you know this is worth 30% of your grade, but you're about to calculate what your grade would drop to if you simply did not turn it in.

you close your eyes. wooden desk or not, red imprint on your forehead or not, you're about to pass out, right here and right now, except--

the feeling of his hand against your back, gentle. he leans forward, just the slightest bit, speaks in that quiet yet firm tone.

"if you finish this, i'll ask you out on a date."

you sit up at an alarmingly fast rate, throw alhaitham the most horrified look you can fathom. his expression doesn't change much, but you see that slight curl of the lips.

"disgusting. i can't believe you would pull such things on me."

"because it'll work."

you roll your eyes, pinch his cheek before redirecting your attention to the laptop before you.

what an arrogant fool. absolute annoyance. menace. idiot. you hate him, truly.

"i didn't say it wouldn't work."

( fine. it works. funny how you're suddenly awake and how everything suddenly seems to make sense after he proposes that offer. )

↬ kaveh ࿐ ࿔

there are three things you first notice about kaveh.

one. he is pretty. very pretty.

two. oh my god. look at his back. hello.

three. he's sleeping in the library. he's also drooling on his ... sketches?

four. wait. too many things to notice. whatever. maybe you should wake him?

you consider the thought, unsure. you'd hate to be woken by a stranger in the campus library-- it'd be off-putting, you think. you glance at the sketches, take in the sights of the blueprints. intricate designs. gorgeous, really, even if you don't have the slightest clue about anything related to said field.

you'd hate to work so hard on such a thing and have it ruined by...well, drool. you place your hand on his shoulder, touch light and hesitant, and shake him gently. once. twice. five times?

he's not waking. surely you're not going to shake the life out of this stranger, right? it's about another ten seconds before you almost give up, letting out a long sigh of defeat before leaning down the slightest bit.

you're gonna speak to him, speak in very soft tones-- slowly ease him from slumber. he's gonna wake up, you'll back away, smile in hopes of establishing your friendly intentions, and that'll be it. done. boom.

that's the plan, anyway, but when your face gets a little closer to his, his eyes open suddenly. two seconds of eye contact. shock twists into utmost fear.

kaveh screams, shoots right out of his seat. you also scream. your life flashes before your eyes when you see him instinctively grab his suitcase.

"before you get the wrong idea-- you were drooling all over your sketches, so--"

you don't think this really helps. he's blushing furiously, from embarrassment or anger, you don't know, but now he's glancing at his sketches, mostly unharmed, and oh, the panic sets in so much more. you watch, baffled, as kaveh throws caution to the wind, frantically cleans the desk and recovers what he can.

it's about five minutes of this. you keep silent, watch in awe and more-so of shock at how this all played out until he turns towards you. he takes a deep breath. you can tell he's tired, weariness on his features. you almost feel bad.

"did you manage to salvage it?"

there's a flicker of curiosity at your words, though the fatigue almost swallows it entirely.

"it'll be okay, i think." his shoulders drop. he smiles, slightly forced. "thank you for waking me-- uh, even if it happened that way."

you'd normally say sorry ( as much as you can say it in this situation, anyway ) and go your separate ways, but there's something almost bittersweet about him that brings a heaviness to the heart.

"sorry. i really didn't mean to scare you like that." you swallow your courage, offer a hopeful smile. "do you want to go get coffee? i'll buy. consider it another apology."

and there is something-- a shift, a lightening, an ease, and kaveh's expression seems to relax at your offer.

( yes, you do go out for coffee. it's one of many future caffeine runs, you both call it, and it's the beginning of a chaotic friendship of sorts. )

taglist : @oshitgirlie ╰ ♡ ;; taglist form !!

#genshin impact #genshin impact x reader #favoniuslibrary #astronetwrk #cyno x reader #alhaitham x reader #kaveh x reader #i love campus encounters . the dry tone is so fun to write #they r all a mess your honor im cradling them all #.: writing #.: multi

[yandere-fics]

Pauline Rhune

♡ "My parents invited us to the villa tonight, you better show up or I'll like kick your ass, or something like that." ♡

She's sort of a tsundere yandere, she expects you to be able to just know that dumbass is a term of endearment for her. You might occasionally get her to be honest with her feelings on late nights when she's tired but for the most part you won't get a crumb out of her. She's very sadistic to anyone who she perceives as a threat to your relationship and unlike the others she'll also punish you for not picking better company. Never anything too severe but if you really push it then you'll remember how much of a bully Pauline can be.

♡ "Idiot can't even remember my name. Like do I have to spell it out for you? P-a-u-l-i-n-e R-h-u-n-e. We're literally like the biggest family in the academia." ♡

The Rhunes run the magic academy in the kingdom though Pauline herself can't use normal magic. The Rhune's became embroiled in the academy when their distant ancestor began to study why Rhune's tend to be extremely possessive of their lovers, more so than most in the kingdom normally are. Pauline's field of study is curses, which is the only thing she can cast primarily.

♡ "I'm 26 you freak, god why can't you remember anything today? Do you need your head checked or something?" ♡

She was supposed to get her title and inheritance at 22 but she never met her darling so her parents refused to give it until they were sure she was ready for it so she needs a darling to prove she's ready for the responsibility. She's also very worried that you keep asking things about her, she wants you to be able to remember everything about her cause you're important to her.

♡ "Women if it isn't already obvious, idiot." ♡

She's a lesbian also she would flick you on the forehead for asking when you should know she likes you.

♡ "Ugh you keep asking dumb shit today. I have no job currently cause my family won't like give over my title already, you should know this, dumb dumb." ♡

At the current moment she can only study at the magic academy but once she gets her title she'll likely be an assistant royal mage or perhaps dean of the academy, really whatever life style suits her and her darling more at that point in time.

♡ "I uhm oh- you like actually want to know what things I like? Well I'm like major into curses and shit like that, y'know. I also, likeyourdumbface. Don't ask me to repeat what I said again." ♡

She's extremely diligent with her job which is why she's desperate for the title so she can begin the next step in her studies. She also really enjoys bullying people, even her own darling is not safe from this.

♡ "You're really talkative today, is this gonna be like a permanent thing? You're sort of giving me a major headache. If you have to know, I hate losers." ♡

Don't worry she doesn't think of you as a loser and she loves hearing you speak. She isn't a fan of people since compared to her most of them are losers who are fine coasting by off of their nobility instead of using their nobility to actually do something cool. She's not a fan of clerics since they can dispell her curses and usually she gets reprimanded for cursing someone if they find out. It's not a harsh sentence but she still feels like she should be able to curse whoever she wants.

♡ "I'm like pretty smart if that's what you're asking? I mean shouldn't it be obvious that I'm brimming with talents? There's no need to ask what I'm good at since I'm totally amazing anyways." ♡

She's very talented at cursing people and convincing people to be her lackeys. She knows how to find the right person for the right task which is how she found you to pretend to be her darling in front of her family, unfortunately for her she was too good at finding a fake darling since the fake became real quickly.

♡ "Come on, we've been meandering too long, they'll be like totally pissed if you keep them waiting any longer." ♡

#yandere oc #yandere lesbian #yandere x reader #yandere x y/n #my oc pauline

[olympushit]

Keeping up with the Olympians

#kuwto

Episode 2:

Preview:

Hera's statement for a divorce shakes things completely on the unholy mountain. Hermes has a promise to keep, while Aphrodite proves to be a helpless drama queen. Dionysos is okay and still partying.

----------

Scene 1: (Hermes and Apollo)

Hermes' confessional:

I had in mind to take Apollo to a strip club. I interrupted his orgy with the nine Muses so I have to make it up to him. I know, I love him too much!

Apollo: What is the surprise you have been talking about?

Hermes: Get dressed tonight! I have something very special for you!

Apollo: What is it! I'm dying to know! Please!

Apollo's confessional:

I love surprises but on the other hand I hate them. I don't like waiting! Exhilaration kills me!

Hermes: Dress slutty, that's all I'm saying!

Apollo: Oh.....

--------------

Scene 2: (Hera and Zeus)

Zeus confessional:

I'm still shaken by her behavior. I can't believe her! All that is for me to acquire better sex knowledge to please her even more in bed! Why can't she see that? Ungrateful wife!

Zeus: Are you serious about the divorce thing?

Hera: Absolutely! And don't try to change my mind!

Zeus: I'll promise I'll change!

Hera: LIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR! YOU FUCKING LIAAAAAAAAARRRRRR! (Slams the table)

Hera's confessional:

Of course I'm sick amd tired of his behavior! The goddess of marriage can't stand being cheated on! But don't worry guys, I won't divorce him. I want him to come crawling back to me, and of course who wants to lose the title of "Queen of Heavens?"

Hera: It's final!

Zeus: Think about it again! You won't find another man as gorgeous as me!

Hera: That's the spirit! Someone who is not you!

______________

Scene 3: (Aphrodite and Ares spending some time in Ares' private pool in Thrace)

Aphrodite's confessional:

Thrace is a nice place! There's sea, sun, and naked Ares!

Ares: Do you like it babe?

Aphrodite: You know I love being spoilt in every way!

Ares: My beautiful woman!

(Kiss scene)

Ares confessional:

Spending time with this woman is amazing! I just love her! And of course I like getting naughty with her! (winks at camera)

(Ares lifting Aphrodite)

Aphrodite: Ares I don't wanna get wet!

Ares: You'll get wet anyway babe! Just enjoy it! (Throws her in the pool)

Aphrodite: MY DIAMOND EARRING!

Ares: What about it?

Aphrodite: I lost it! In the pool! (starts crying)

Ares: Aphrodite, there's people that are dying!

Aphrodite: It costs 75000$!

Aphrodite's confessional: (crying)

Those were the earrings Ares gifted me on our anniversary! We were celebrating the 678 time we had sex together!

Ares: You lost that earring!

Aphrodite cries aggressively.

_____________

Scene 4: (Hestia and Demeter)

(Both shaking their salads and proceed eating them)

Demeter: So did you hear about Hera's divorce?

Hestia: I did, and I don't feel surprised anymore!

Demeter death glares at Hestia

Demeter's confessional:

Did she just say that Hera deserves it? She is our sister! Such a backstabber!

Hestia:I didn't say it serves her right, I meant him!

Demeter: That wasn't very well-put to me!

Hestia: But I explained it!

Demeter: Unacceptable!

Hestia's confessional:

I don't wanna create drama around there, but Demeter's behavior is just not it!

____________

Scene 5: (Hades and Persephone in the Underworld)

Persephone: You were a rapist, you don't deserve Elysium! To the Tartarus!

Minoas looking at Hades

Hades: Whatever you say, your Honour!

Persephone: Did you just call me your "Honour"?

Hades: Yes Majesty!

Persephone: Oh my god Hades! Not there! You turn me on!

Minoas: Excuse me bro!

Hades death glares at him

Persephone: You excuse?

Hades: And I'm not your bro!

Hades' confessional:

This woman is a complete turn-on! I wanna do bad things to her!

Persephone's confessional:

Hades is a total sex slave and he likes it! I like willing men! I like the role play and he just understands the assignment!

______________

Scene 6: (Poseidon and Amphitrite)

Poseidon: I'm thinking about Triton's wish!

Amphitrite: Let lose for once honey! It's not that bad!

Poseidon: I think I'll just do so!

Poseidon's confessional:

Triton is at this age that boys think about one thing. And he asked me to be his mentor. I made up something to tell Amphitrite, because if she finds out that Triton wants to be a pornstar then the whole humanity will drown!

Triton: Dad! What do you think about what I told you earlier?

Amphitrite: We think it's okay!

Triton: YOU TOLD MUM?

Triton: AND SHE AGREED?

Amphitrite: I think I miss something?

Poseidon: Yes Triton! I'll buy you a kitty cat!

Triton's confessional:

Thanks goodness he found an excuse! My career is gonna take off! Mum will understand my abilities and will finally accept it!

____________

Scene 7: ( Apollo and Hermes at the strip club)

Apollo: Is this your surprise?

Hermes: I felt bad for interrupting your fun the other day!

Apollo: Let's get wasted!

Dionysos: Ohhhhhhhh! My bros are here!

Apollo: Wow! It's amazing!

Apollo's confessional:

What is better than 9 Muses? A whole fucking strip club!

Apollo: Shake that ass babe!

Hermes: Booty jiggling!

Dionysus: Best night ever!

Hermes' confessional:

I'm glad he liked it! But I have lost him for 2 hours straight! What do I do now?

____________

Scene 8: (Artemis and Athena)

Artemis: You wanna join today's hunt?

Athena: I'd love to but I am needed in Athens.

Artemis' confessional:

I love my sister but her ignoring me is outta my range of liking!

Artemis: So you don't wanna spend time with me?

Athena: I didn't say that!

Artemis: Can't you cancel it?

Athena: No! They're my devotees!

Artemis: Family is always first!

Athena: I didn't say otherwise!

Artemis: Ares might wanna add something to this!

Athena's confessional:

She plays a game she will surely lose! What a bitch!

Athena: You use my own spells against me Potter?

Artemis: Maybe Ares is right! You are so above anyone that it has blinded you!

Athena: I TOLD YOU I HAVE SOMEWHERE TO GO VERY POLITELY!

Artemis: You know what? JUST LEAVE! You are the least interesting person in this family afterall!

Athena's confessional:

That hurt and I don't have a big idea about myself! I just have a little appreciation for everyone who's dumb!

Artemis' confessional:

Such a bitch! She can't get away with everything!

________________

AND THAT'S EPISODE 2!

What do you think so far? Leave a comment below!

IT MUST REALLY BE A REALITY SHOW!

Till episode 3!✌️

#greek mythology #greek gods #incorrect greek mythology #incorrect quotes #incorrect greek gods #ares #aphrodite #ares x aphrodite #zeus god #zeus is a dick #hera x zeus #poseidon #poseidon x amphitrite #athena #artemis #apollo #hermes #dionysus x ariadne #dionysus #hephaestus #hephaestus x aphrodite #hades x persephone #hades #persephone #hera #demeter #hestia #Keeping up with the Olympians #kuwto #Inspiration from kuwtk

[sylvaridreams]

I think Alba is going to retire

and step down as Wayfinder, post-SotO. (SotO spoilers, obviously, new Wayfinder, eventually.)

And this has been a long time coming. He's been wilting (off and on but mostly on) 8 years, since the botched Maguuma breach and subsequent war campaign and then the long period of mourning after, over a year of it. He struggled with Mordremoth in his brain, and Mordremoth was not the first elder dragon he'd had a hard time keeping out. He struggled with Zhaitan too; and with each subsequent dragon he faced. He's always been susceptible to elder dragon corruption and control, and every time he killed something, absorbed more of their magic, more ley energy, more power that should have killed him, it became more of an issue.

Looking at the parallel Tyria that Nemeos reigns over, his botched Dragonstorm was a tipping point -- but you don't just tip. The burden comes long before the tip -- and this version of Alba has persevered and struggled a lot longer without breaking, but I can say with confidence that he is at absolute rock bottom right now. His relationships are fully destroyed. Canach hates the choices he's made, that he'd choose the Wizards over his guild, his world, people who love him. Auruim-- when he eventually wakes up and begins recovery-- is afraid of the world Alba's dragged him through. The kryptis scare him. The Wizards scare him. By the end, he'll have spent most of SotO, over a year, rotting in a bed in the tower, dying and trapped inside his own mind. Meisi hates him. Their last chance to talk has long passed and all Meisi had for him was a look of disdain and distrust and anger, and a "tell them I'm sorry." Nothing for YOU. Just the others. How bad does it have to be for you to lose the loving devotion of someone called The Loyal? BOURBON would tear Alba's guts out with his teeth if someone would just give him the go-ahead, fucking BOURBON who forgave Alba in minutes for killing his best and only friend and stealing his purpose in life because he looked sadder than me, a loyal dog always seeking a master to lie at his feet, Bourbon can't fucking stand what Alba's allowed to happen to anyone. Auruim, Meisi, Bourbon, Deidre, himself, the guild, the world.

The guild. It's decayed a lot. They've stayed together but... you know how people talk, when his back is turned. How can you expect him to be fit to lead? Can you trust him with your life? For how long? And then he vanishes. Leaves you a message on your comms and then he's just gone. The stitch that had pulled everyone together, unraveled and lost. Presumed dead, until they knew he wasn't. Knew he'd just left.

Nobody trusts him. Everyone's tired of him. People want him to get better because people still love him, unconditionally, genuinely, they want him to get better for himself and for them, for anything. But you can't continue to, hand over hand, pass matches and gasoline to him to watch him burn himself with them. At some point you have to refuse and push his seeking hands away and say no. You're hurting yourself and it hurts me. You're hurting me. I refuse to be a part of this.

People still love him and if he stopped what he's doing and said "I need help. Please help me. I want to stop," people would come to his aid but he won't. He will never stop until he's dead, because The Role is all he thinks he has. The title. Commander. Wayfinder. Hero. Whatever.

What are you? If you turn your back on the world in need and say "I know I've saved you every other time, the past 13 years of my life, I've dropped everything and come to your aid and met every single call before, but not this one and never again." He'd feel like a monster. Walking away from a duty. You can't ask him to do that. To feel like such a horrible person-- but you have to! He has to stop doing it! It's not rising to the call, it's not the hero's fucking journey and it's not Alba's never-ending quest to kill himself one way or another! He has an addiction to the release of chemicals in his brain that he gets when he averts the apocalypse. There is no way around saying it. He's an addict. He gets his rush by inserting himself in life or death, this world or no world left, absolute tragedy and destruction scenarios. He stopped the dragon cycle and then Aurene left and he had to be alone with himself for five minutes and he got fucking bored and felt withdrawals, having nothing to do, nothing to satisfy that sector of his brain. He needed the dopamine and adrenaline and he went looking for something to feed it to him through a drip.

And the Wizards needed a hero. So fucking convenient for everyone involved.

But you know. He went with the Wizards, he's played their games (and will continue to do so presumably until the end of SotO, I don't intend to yoink him away just yet) and he's spend months and months with them, trying to trust them--

and he doesn't trust them. He still feels like an outsider. Even being called Outsider, Outlander, at least down in the world of Tyria he felt like he belonged, if not "in this new foreign place, with these strangers" then at least "with his friends and allies, doing these good things." He doesn't belong among the Wizards, the Astral Ward. He doesn't understand magic. He doesn't understand what they're doing or why. Not just because he's an idiot, Vigil-brained and no good at puzzles and feels so stupid he could cry when he has to do math, the numbers all seem to move around -- He cannot understand the point of view that we should sit back and watch (the world) suffer and learn from it from afar. Countless copies of the world, even. Let's see how they burn and we'll take notes and maybe the next one will burn a little quieter. He will never be able to see this as a positive, as a win for Tyria. He will always distrust the Wizards and feel like an outsider to them-- because they shrugged their shoulders and said "well, we decided to hang back and watch." He isn't a watcher. He's a doer. Good or bad, Alba acts.

And he does feel like a true outsider, to this circle of old companions. These people are mostly very nice to him, with time, but they aren't his friends. And he's not in on their group. They've had years, some of them decades, some of them centuries together. He's 13. And all his friends hate him right now. And he feels alone, and he feels like a moron that he doesn't understand the motives behind not helping Tyria, and he feels listless and depressed and he's going through withdrawals when he doesn't get his adrenaline rush, his dopamine drip. Something has to give at some point and eventually that thing is that

he wants to go home.

He can't say it out loud to anyone. He doesn't trust the Wizards, and he doesn't trust that they'll let him go willingly. If the Wayfinder says hey, actually I don't like it here, I'm heading back to the surface later. See you. -- someone is going to say WAIT. We have one FINAL task for you. To save this world one last time. And Alba's going to look at them like

"for.... for me?"

and he's going to fall for it and he'll fall for it again after that, over and over. And he will never be able to leave as long as they have some errand for him that "no one else" can do.

So where does this leave us?

It leaves us with a "sudden" decision. Once Auruim is well enough to move, to get out of bed and at least be somewhat mobile again -- and this will be months off. We're not even at the "Auruim is awake" point yet, this is the future we're talking about--he's going to spring on one of the Wizards a "well, actually, today we are going home." "Oh. Are you planning on coming back?" "No... not really. Ow." (got kicked in the shin. "Uh, no. Not at all."

And then he's going to leave, practically being steered out by the last few remaining of his long suffering companions, before he can change his mind and "well, actually" his way back into Wizard Tasks.

So WHERE does this leave us and with WHOM?

I have touched briefly on Siraz before and I won't go into the deep details of his life again here, but as Alba very quickly and suddenly and "surely you haven't put enough thought into this wayfinder haha" steps away and exits stage left, Siraz is going to be the next available "yeah I guess I've literally got nothing else going on" person around, with pre-existing ties to The Wizards and The Tower anyway. This is him, in case you need a visual:

This is kind of funny to me for reasons:

He's ex-mordrem which means I get to continue to explore my favorite little plant hivemind sub-species again and again and again and again yippee wahoo yay hip hip hooray wheee!

After Auruim is awake and mobile but before Alba and everyone leaves the tower, Siraz is going to beat Auruim's ass, not even for his own personal "I have beef with you" reasons -- but because AURU picks a physical fight with him, ON SIGHT, that he has no chance of winning, and refuses to stop getting back up to try again-- to the point that Siraz is not just ordering him to stay down, but begging "please, stay down, I don't want to have to keep kicking your ass into the ground." They can move past this eventually. We hope.

While his day job is apparently going to be Wayfinder now -- is he excited by this? Possibly, but probably not, he can unpack it at some point -- his side thing seems to be psychoanalysis for other people. What am I saying here? I think Siraz' main hobby and something he really enjoys and is good at is administering therapy to people in mental health crises. He's literally going to do some Wayfinder shit on Tuesday and then on Wednesday afternoon, go and give Canach counsel on how to deal with Alba and then walk outside to the beach where Alba is daydrunk and asleep and wake him up like hey. Let's talk about this. FINALLY: Wayfinder who also gives you therapy and takes your insurance. Or payment in booze and vegetables from your garden. And maybe, maybe fucking finally, Alba can eventually learn how to rest. How to close his eyes. How to lie down and relax even when the world feels uncertain beneath you. Maybe eventually he can heal, and his relationships that he spent ovrr a decade destroying and scorching and salting the earth to ensure they'd never grow back-- maybe they will crawl up through the cracked dry crumbling dirt and seek sunlight once again and flourish.

And with all that said, Alba is going nowhere in terms of who my main character is, who I play, etc. He's my main. And my baby. And I love him. And he has relatively okay/good gear and I don't want to rip all focus off him. I just want to correct his course and see if he can heal from it all.

I will work on Siraz more (build, gear, wardrobe... etc lol.) After SotO wraps up and we see what the future holds for the Wayfinder title... it would be fun to play some story on him at that point. Get some screenshots of him in the job. But Alba is still my center focus. And personally I'm incredibly excited for what lies ahead for him. Not an easy road or a quick journey but a long life of trying. You have to want help, you have to say you want help, and then you have to accept the help, every day for the rest of your life. Healing narrative lets go.

#alba #loreposting #soto spoilers #champion siraz

[jessybarnes]

Baby Steps

Title: Baby Steps

Pairing: Chris Evans x Sebastian Stan

Rating: General

Word Count: 901

Tags: Angst, fluff, coming out, Chris is anxious, Sebastian is the sweetest, Sebastian also speaks Romanian to Chris in this.

Written For: @comfortember

Day 11: Holding Hands

Beta(s): Just Grammarly

A/N: I am not Romanian, nor do I speak the language. I used Google Translate, which I don't trust 100%. If you speak Romanian and any of my translations are incorrect, please let me know what it should be and I will change it. :)

Translations: şi eu te iubesc, dragostea mea = I love you too, my love. and Iubitul meu = My beloved.

Chris sighs as he sits on the end of the bed in his hotel room. He's never been this nervous before in his life. Okay, maybe he's exaggerating a little bit, but this is big.

He and Sebastian have been dating each other for the better part of a year, and they've managed to keep it secret from the public eye. How he isn't sure, but that’s beside the point.

They've agreed that now is the time to make it official with the fans and the press. Both of their managers have also told them that this will be good for publicity.

So, that brings him here, in a hotel in San Diego, California, only an hour away from coming out to the biggest comic-con crowd in the United States.

A soft knock on the door brings him back to reality, and he stands up to answer it. He knows it's Seb. No one else other than the hotel staff knows he's here and he didn't order room service.

Chris opens the door and is met with a sleepy-looking Sebastian. He's just wearing black jeans and a dark grey sweater, but it still takes his breath away.

"Wow...you look..."

His boyfriend steps past him into the room so he can shut the door. "Tired? I know...I barely slept."

"I was going to say beautiful, sweetheart, but if it makes you feel any better, I'm equally exhausted. I can't sleep without you next to me."

Sebastian blushes at the compliment and smiles brightly, "you're such a sap, Evans." His hands settle on the blonde's waist and he presses a slow and sweet kiss on his lips, "but I love that about you. You're so good to me, baby."

Chris cradles his face and kisses him back fervently. "I'll always be good to you, honey. I love you, Sebastian."

They bump foreheads gently and Seb looks deeply into his eyes, "şi eu te iubesc, dragostea mea."

Chris's thumb brushes his cheek softly. There's very little he loves more than when Sebastian speaks to him in his mother tongue. It makes him weak in the knees every single time.

"Can we just stay here instead? Maybe we can order food and binge-watch that show you like?"

"I'd love to, but we should really make an appearance at the convention first. I don't know about you, but I don't particularly want to be the cause of a bunch of rioting fans because Cap and Bucky didn't show up." He winks and Chris sighs.

"You're right. I just... what if it doesn't go well? I-I mean...I know Scott's been out for years, but as far as the fans know, I'm only rooting for one team. I don't care what they think about me, but I certainly don't want you receiving hate because of this."

"Iubitul meu, I promise everything will be alright, okay? We can do this, and I'll be right there with you."

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

Forty-five minutes later they're standing backstage listening to the crowd chatter among themselves excitedly. Sebastian pulls Chris into his arms and splays his hands across his back.

"Just remember to breathe, baby. I promise everything will be alright."

The host announces their names and Seb walks out first with Chris right behind him. They put on big smiles and wave at the screaming fans before taking a seat in the chairs provided for them.

Chris bounces his leg up and down anxiously and Sebastian has to force himself not to reach out and place his hand on his knee.

The host brings the microphone to her lips and looks at them with a smile, "Chris! Sebastian! You two look amazing this evening! How are you guys?"

Seb knows his love is nervous so he takes initiative and answers for both of them.

"We're doing fine! Thank you for having us here tonight."

She nods and gestures to the crowd, "Now, I know some of these lovely fans have questions, but I understand that the two of you have an announcement to make first?"

Sebastian glances at Chris for a moment before looking out at the eager crowd. "We do. Chris, did you want to do the honors?"

The blonde feels his pulse quicken as he stands. He steps toward the edge of the stage and swallows thickly just as Sebastian moves to stand next to him.

"H-Hey everyone...uhh, I hope you all are doing well."

He takes a deep breath and scans the sea of people who have now gone so silent you could hear a pin drop.

"This is...a pretty big announcement for me and Sebastian, and it's...well, it's something we wanted you all to hear from us directly."

He sighs and decides to just go for it. There's no use beating around the bush any longer.

"As many of you know, Sebastian is a great friend of mine. We uh... met on the set of Captain America: The First Avenger and have been friends ever since. Something that you guys don't know is..."

Chris stops and turns to peek at his sweetheart. He's looking at him like he'd hung the moon, and his heart skips a beat when Sebastian reaches for his hand and intertwines their fingers.

It gives him the courage to continue, his nerves disappearing as soon as he feels his boyfriend's gentle touch.

Chris turns back to the now-shocked crowd and smiles warmly.

"...Sebastian and I...we're...together..."

Tagging: @sarahrogersevans @chrisevansdaughter @brandyywar @nerdygingermoose88

#j snow writes #comfortember2022 #comfortember 2022 #evanstan #evanstan fluff #evanstan angst #chris evans x sebastian stan #sebastian stan x chris evans #chris evans #sebastian stan #chris evans fic #sebastian stan fic #cevans #sebstan #sebby stan

[scuderlia]

thanks for the tag jo @liamlawsonlesbian <3

star sign: aries sun, capricorn moon, virgo rising. being chill and normal was never an option.

favorite holiday: probably Halloween 💀 as someone who loves horror and is a recovering theatre kid, it's perfect. plus, i'm gay.

last meal: three twizzlers & a litre of ginger kombucha

current favorite musician: i've been listening to a lot of Wolf Alice and SASAMI recently.

last song listened to: 'No Girl So Sweet' (PJ Harvey)

(a tangent... but if any of my mutuals want to stalk each other on Spotify pls lmk...)

last movie watched: Talk to Me (2023) dir. Danny & Michael Philippou. i watched it on my flight and it was honestly a lot better than i anticipated. even though gore isn't typically my favourite, i was pleasantly surprised by how they managed to integrate it into a possession film. loved the grief-driven storylines, and the characters charmed me. rating: ☆☆☆☆

last tv show watched: Betty (HBO) !!! i have debilitating crushes on everyone from Skate Kitchen.

last book finished: Empire of Wild by Cherie Dimaline. it was assigned in one of my first year uni courses and i sped through it without really taking the time to read it properly. now that i have it's been rotting my brain non-stop. her use of simile is insane.

i also recently finished An Anthropologist on Mars by Oliver Sacks. one of my all-time favourite authors and academics, would highly recommend this as a foray into 'medical' non-fiction.

last book abandoned: i don't think i've ever abandoned a book in my life, but i recently had to choke down this technical document about building codes that i can't be bothered to remember the title of.

edit: just remembered the absolute chore that was reading Outlawed by Anna North. i feel cheated and lied to by the cover because i love the cover, but the book is honestly unbelievably boring. i’m tired of the evangelical horse girl narrators, i had enough of those where i grew up. i did finish this because i hate quitting, but it tested my patience and made me feel like pulling my hair out.

currently reading: Milk Fed by Melissa Broder (for like the third time). this book is sooo weird and kind of gross, in the best way. it's definitely not going to appease everyone but i have a sick fascination with it and keep coming back. i've also been having a love affair with the cover design for a while now.

last thing researched for writing/art/hyperfixation: common apartment floorplans in Italy (if anyone has this info, hmu). i'm also in an internet sinkhole of background on the 2024 F2 grid and their respective karting histories.

favorite online fandom memory: when i was 15 i had public beef with a bunch of conservatives in a politician's comment section over pipelines and green policy and then said politician blocked me on every platform. this wouldn't be fandom related if not for the fact that i used my fan account to do all of this, so [redacted] had to search my cringe username multiple times... like omg are you a fan?

favorite old fandom you wish would drag you back in/have a resurgence: the euphoria that i felt being a part of the haikyuu fandom during quarantine will never be replicated, but i think about it every day.

favorite thing you enjoy that never had an active or big fandom, but you wish it did: i'm really into the original, morbid Grimm fairytales and wish that someone would produce a proper remake of Cinderella already. let the doves pick out the step sisters' eyes, cowards.

tempting project you don't have time for: this is a trick question because i always give into temptation regardless of whether i have time for it or not. i really want to do a series of deep-dive posts about track design and the 'architects' of f1... i've been fixated on it for a while now and haven't seen a lot of discussion about it, plus it seems like it would be fun to put all the research together :)

~ all the people i would tag have already posted, but pls do it if you'd like!

#tag game

[cometcrystal]

fav lyrics in each taylor swift song

I have autism and got a whim so here you go.

Self titled

Tim mcgraw - September saw a month of tears / And thankin' God that you weren't here / To see me like that

Picture to burn - So go and tell your friends that I'm obsessive and crazy / That's fine, I'll tell mine you're gay

Teardrops on my guitar - She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love / Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky

A place in this world - I don't know what I want, so don't ask me

Cold as you - You never did give a damn thing, honey, but I cried, cried for you / And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you

The outside - You could've helped if you had wanted to

Tied together with a smile - Cause you're giving it away like it's extra change / Hoping it will end up in his pocket / But he leaves you out like a penny in the rain

Stay beautiful - Cory's eyes are like a jungle / He smiles, it's like the radio

Shouldve said no - It's strange to think the songs we used to sing / The smiles, the flowers, everything is gone

Marys song - I was seven and you were nine / I looked at you like the stars that shined

Our song - I was riding shotgun with my hair undone in the front seat of his car / He's got a one-hand feel on the steering wheel, the other on my heart (literally one of the most iconic taytay lyrics of all time imo)

Im only me when im with you - Don't wanna fly if you're still on the ground

Invisible - She can't see the way your eyes light up when you smile

A perfectly good heart - Why would you wanna make the very first scar?

Lucky you - Her mama named her Lucky on a starlit night

Fearless - And I don't know why but with you I'd dance in a storm in my best dress

Fearless

Fifteen - In your life you'll do things greater than dating the boy on the football team

Love story - So, I sneak out to the garden to see you / We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew

Hey stephen - I could give you fifty reasons why I should be the one you choose / All those other girls - well, they're beautiful / But would they write a song for you?

White horse - My mistake, I didn't know to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand

You belong with me - And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town / I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down

Breathe - You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

Tell me why - You could write a book on how to ruin someone's perfect day

You're not sorry - And you've got your share of secrets / And I'm tired of being last to know

The way i loved you - And my heart's not breaking / 'Cause I'm not feeling anything at all

Forever and always - I hold onto the night you looked me in the eye and told me you loved me / Were you just kidding?

The best day - I don't know who I'm going to talk to now at school / But I know I'm laughing on the car ride home with you

Change - They might be bigger / But we're faster and never scared

Jump then fall - We're on the phone and without a warning / I realize your laugh is the best sound I have ever heard

Untouchable - In the middle of the night when I'm in this dream / It's like a million little stars spelling out your name

Come in with the rain - Talk to the wind, talk to the sky / Talk to the man with the reasons why

Superstar - And I knew from the first note played / I'd be breaking all my rules to see you

The other side of the door - I said, "Leave," but all I really want is you / To stand outside my window throwing pebbles / Screaming, "I'm in love with you"

Today was a fairytale - Today was a fairytale / I wore a dress / You wore a dark grey t-shirt / You told me I was pretty when I looked like a mess

You all over me - The best and worst day of June / Was the one that I met you / With your hands in your pockets / And your "Don't you wish you had me?" grin

Mr. Perfectly fine - And I never got past what you put me through / But it's wonderful to see that it never fazed you

We were happy - Oh, I hate those voices telling me I'm not in love anymore

That's when - gonna keep it real with u chief i dont have a favorite from this one bc i listened to it 1nce ever and the azlyrics arent standing out to me.

Don't you - Don't you say you've missed me if you don't want me again

Bye bye baby - Guess I never doubted it / Then the here and the now floods in

Speak now

Mine - You made a rebel of a careless man's careful daughter

Sparks fly - Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around

Back to december - It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you

Speak now - The organ starts to play a song that sounds like a death march

Dear john - Wonderin' which version of you I might get on the phone tonight / Well, I stopped pickin' up, and this song is to let you know why

Mean - And I can see you years from now in a bar / Talking over a football game / With that same big loud opinion / But nobody's listening

The story of us - This is looking like a contest of who can act like they care less / But I liked it better when you were on my side

Never grow up - Memorize what it sounded like when your dad gets home

Enchanted - Please don't be in love with someone else / Please don't have somebody waiting on you

Better than revenge - joshua rtvs voice this song sucks start over

Innocent - 32 is still growing up

Haunted - Something keeps me holding on to nothing

Last kiss - How you'd kiss me when I was in the middle of saying something / There's not a day I don't miss those rude interruptions

Long live - If you have children some day / When they point to the pictures / Please tell them my name

Ours - People throw rocks at things that shine

If this was a movie - Locked up in your arms and our friends are laughing / 'Cause nothing like this ever happened to them

Superman - I always forget to tell you I love you, I loved you from the very first day

Electric touch - And maybe I call you mine / And you won't need space / Or string me along while you decide

When emma falls in love - Like if Cleopatra grew up in a small town

I can see you - i dont care

Castles crumbling - Ones I loved tried to help, so I ran them off

Foolish one - Don't know what to call this situation / But I know I can't call you mine

Timeless - In the fifteen hundreds off in a foreign land / And I was forced to marry another man / You still would've been mine

Red

State of grace - So you were never a saint / And I've loved in shades of wrong / We learn to live with the pain / Mosaic broken hearts

Red - Forgetting him was like trying to know somebody you never met

Treacherous - Put your lips close to mine / As long as they don't touch

I knew you were trouble - Pretends he doesn't know that he's the reason why / You're drowning, you're drowning, you're drowning

All too well - You said if we had been closer in age maybe it would have been fine / And that made me want to die / The idea you had of me, who was she? / A never-needy, ever-lovely jewel whose shine reflects on you

22 - It feels like a perfect night to dress up like hipsters / And make fun of our exes

I almost do - I bet it never ever occurred to you that I can't say "Hello" to you / And risk another goodbye

We are never ever getting back together - I'm really gonna miss you picking fights / And me falling for it screaming that I'm right

Stay stay stay - It's been occurring to me I'd like to hang out with you for my whole life

The last time - You wear your best apology / But I was there to watch you leave

Holy ground - Tonight I'm gonna dance for all that we've been through / But I don't wanna dance if I'm not dancing with you

Sad beautiful tragic - And time is taking its sweet time erasing you

The lucky one - And your lover in the foyer doesn't even know you / And your secrets end up splashed on the news front page

Everything had changed - Cause all I know is we said, "Hello" / And your eyes look like coming home

Starlight - Can't remember what song it was playing when we walked in / The night we snuck into a yacht club party / Pretending to be a duchess and a prince

Begin again - I almost brought him up / But you start to talk about the movies that your family watches every single Christmas

The moment i knew - What do you say when tears are streaming down your face in front of everyone you know?

Come back be here - Taxi cabs and busy streets / That never bring you back to me

Girl at home - You're the kind of man who makes me sad / While she waits up

Ronan - You were my best four years

Better man - Push my love away like it was some kind of loaded gun

Nothing new - Shoot you down and then they sigh / And say, "She looks like she's been through it"

Babe - I hate that because of you, I can't love you, babe

Message in a bottle - I'm reaching for you, terrified

I bet you think about me - I was raised on a farm, no, it wasn't a mansion / Just livin' room dancin' and kitchen table bills (this is my fav lyric from this song because its so categorically fucking FALSE)

Forever winter - If I was standing there in your apartment / I'd take that bomb in your head and disarm it

Run - There's a heart on your sleeve / I'll take it when I leave / And hold it for you

The very first night - Not trying to fall in love / But we did like children running

1989

Welcome to new york - Kaleidoscope of loud heartbeats under coats

Blank space - I get drunk on jealousy

Style - You got that long hair, slicked back, white t-shirt / And I got that good girl faith and a tight little skirt

Out of the woods - The rest of the world was black and white / But we were in screaming color

All you had to do was stay - People like you always want back the love they gave away / And people like me wanna believe you when you say you've changed

Shake it off - Can't stop, won't stop grooving / It's like I got this music in my mind / Saying, "It's gonna be alright"

I wish you would - You always knew how to push my buttons / You give me everything and nothing

Bad blood - Band-aids don't fix bullet holes

Wildest dreams - You'll see me in hindsight / Tangled up with you all night / Burnin' it down

How you get the girl - Shaking from the rain, rain /She'll open up the door and say, "Are you insane?"

This love - And I could go on and on, on and on and I will

I know places - Loose lips sink ships all the damn time / Not this time

Clean - The water filled my lungs, I screamed so loud / But no one heard a thing

Wonderland - Didn't you flash your green eyes at me? / Didn't you calm my fears with a Cheshire cat smile?

You are in love - And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars

New romantics - The rumors are terrible and cruel / But, honey, most of them are true

Reputation

Ready for it - Every love I've known in comparison is a failure

End game - And I bury hatchets, but I keep maps of where I put 'em

I did something bad - I never trust a playboy, but they love me / So I fly 'em all around the world / And I let them think they saved me

Dont blame me - My name is whatever you decide

Delicate - Do the girls back home touch you like I do?

Look what you made me do - You asked me for a place to sleep / Locked me out and threw a feast

So it goes - You did a number on me / But, honestly, baby, who's counting

Gorgeous - You should take it as a compliment / That I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk

Getaway car - I'm in a getaway car / I left you in a motel bar / Put the money in a bag and I stole the keys / That was the last time you ever saw me

King of my heart - Is this the end of all the endings? / My broken bones are mending

Dancing with our hands tied - I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted

Dress - My hands are shaking from holding back from you

This is why we cant have nice things - And here's to my baby / He ain't reading what they call me lately

Call it what you want - He built a fire just to keep me warm

New years day - I want your midnights / But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

Lover

I forgot that you existed - I forgot that you existed / And I thought that it would kill me, but it didn't

Cruel summer - I love you, ain't that the worst thing you ever heard?

Lover - Ladies and gentlemen, will you please stand? / With every guitar string scar on my hand / I take this magnetic force of a man to be my lover

The man - What's it like to brag about raking in dollars / And getting bitches and models?

The archer - 'Cause all of my enemies started out friends / Help me hold on to you

I think he knows - Lyrical smile, indigo eyes, hand on my thigh

Miss americana and the heartbreak prince - And I don't want you to (Go) / I don't really wanna (Fight) / 'Cause nobody's gonna (Win)

Paper rings - I like shiny things, but I'd marry you with paper rings

Cornelia street - And baby, I get mystified by how this city screams your name

Death by a thousand cuts - ENTIRE SONG !!!!!!!

London boy - You Can Find Me In The Pub We Are Watching Rugby

Soon you'll get better - And I hate to make this all about me / But who am I supposed to talk to?

False god - I know heaven's a thing / I go there when you touch me, honey / Hell is when I fight with you

You need to calm down - And I'm just like, "Damn It's 7 AM"

Afterglow - I lived like an island, punished you with silence

Me - HEY KIDS SPELLING IS FUN

Its nice to have a friend - Something gave you the nerve to touch my hand

Daylight - I once believed love would be burning red / But it's golden like daylight

Folklore

The 1 - In my defense, I have none / For never leaving well enough alone

Cardigan - You drew stars around my scars / But now I'm bleeding

The last great american dynasty - They say she was seen on occasion / Pacing the rocks staring out at the midnight sea / And in a feud with her neighbor / She stole his dog and dyed it key lime green

Exile - I can see you starin', honey / Like he's just your understudy / Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me

My tears ricochet - And if I'm dead to you why are you at the wake?

Mirrorball - I've never been a natural / All I do is try, try, try

Seven - And I think you should come live with me and we can be pirates / Then you won't have to cry

August - So much for summer love, and saying "Us" / 'Cause you weren't mine to lose

This is me trying - And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad / I have a lot of regrets about that

Illicit affairs - Don't call me "kid", don't call me "baby" / Look at this idiotic fool that you made me / You taught me a secret language I can't speak with anyone else

Invisible string - Cold was the steel of my axe to grind for the boys who broke my heart / Now I send their babies presents

Mad woman - i dont care

Epiphany - Something med school did not cover / Someone's daughter, someone's mother / Holds your hand through plastic now

Betty - Betty, right now is the last time I can dream about what happens when you see my face again

Peace - All these people think love's for show / But I would die for you in secret

Hoax - Don't want no other shade of blue but you / No other sadness in the world would do

The lakes - Those Windermere peaks look like a perfect place to cry / I'm setting off, but not without my muse

Evermore

Willow - I'm like the water when your ship rolled in that night / Rough on the surface but you cut through like a knife

Champagne problems - Sometimes you just don't know the answer / 'Til someone's on their knees and asks you

Gold rush - I don't like that anyone would die to feel your touch

Tis the damn season - If I wanted to know who you were hanging with while I was gone, I would've asked you

Tolerate it - I made you my temple, my mural, my sky / Now I'm begging for footnotes in the story of your life

No body no crime - She says, "That ain't my Merlot on his mouth / That ain't my jewelry on our joint account"

Happiness - No one teaches you what to do / When a good man hurts you / And you know you hurt him, too

Dorothea - And if you're ever tired of being known for who you know / You know that you'll always know me

Coney island - If I can't relate to you anymore / Then who am I related to?

Ivy - I'd live and die for moments that we stole / On begged and borrowed time / So tell me to run / Or dare to sit and watch what we'll become / And drink my husband's wine

Cowboy like me - And the skeletons in both our closets / Plotted hard to fuck this up

Long story short - Pushed from the precipice / Clung to the nearest lips / Long story short, it was the wrong guy

Marjorie - Should've kept every grocery store receipt / 'Cause every scrap of you would be taken from me

Closure - Don't treat me like some situation that needs to be handled

Evermore - I replay my footsteps on each stepping stone / Trying to find the one where I went wrong

Right where you left me - Glass shattered on the white cloth / Everybody moved on

Its time to go - He's got my past frozen behind glass / But I've got me

Midnights

Lavender haze - I'm damned if I do give a damn what people say

Maroon - Laughing with my feet in your lap / Like you were my closest friend

Anti hero - I'm a monster on the hill / Too big to hang out, slowly lurching toward your favorite city / Pierced through the heart, but never killed

Snow on the beach - But your eyes are flying saucers from another planet

Youre on your own kid - I picked the petals, he loves me not / Something different bloomed / Writing in my room

Midnight rain - And he never thinks of me / Except when I'm on TV

Question - gonna keep it real i straight up dont get this song

Vigilante shit - Picture me thick as thieves with your ex-wife

Bejeweled - I made you my world / Have you heard? / I can reclaim the land / And I miss you / But I miss sparkling

Labyrinth - I'll be getting over you my whole life

Karma - Karma is a cat / Purring in my lap 'cause it loves me / Flexing like a goddamn acrobat / Me and karma vibe like that

Sweet nothing - All that you ever wanted from me was sweet nothing

Mastermind - No one wanted to play with me as a little kid / So I've been scheming like a criminal ever since / To make them love me and make it seem effortless

Hits different - I pictured you with other girls in love / Then threw up on the street

The great war - Soldier down on that icy ground / Looked up at me with honor and truth / Broken and blue / So I called off the troops / That was the night I nearly lost you

Bigger than the whole sky - Did some bird flap its wings over in Asia? / Did some force take you because I didn't pray?

Paris - I wanna brainwash you into loving me forever

High infidelity - Do you really want to know where I was April 29th? / Do I really have to tell you how he brought me back to life?

Glitch - Maybe I'll see you out some weekend / Depending on what kind of mood and situation-ship I'm in / And what's in my system

Would've could've should've - THE ENTIRE THING !!!!!!!!!

Dear reader - No one sees when you lose when you're playing solitaire

Youre losing me - And I wouldn't marry me either / A pathological people pleaser / Who only wanted you to see her

Thats all the songs i can think of. My hands are shaking

#ts #taylor swift

[fwacchi]

today was my first day of my last year in school, it went awfullllll. i have the worst schedule, don't see any of my friends, mean teachers. . . i was very upset when i got home until i absentminded started rereading your kuzuha works. i stopped dwelling on the shitty day i had and instead thought about your work, so thank you 😭 for writing, for writing those specific works, and even just for existing

this means so much to me omg🥺🤍 i'm glad my works can help you in this way <3 i'm so sorry you have to spend your last year in school like that. i'm really not good with words and don't know how to comfort you so i prepared a little something! i rushed to write this after reading your ask and it's not the best, but i hope you like it <33

this lil drabble doesn't have a title :D

Kuzuha's flaw is that he thinks can't make someone feel better when they're in a bad mood. He hates that flaw of his even more as he sees you coming home, your face clearly showing how tiring your day has been. He wanted to do something, anything, to put you in a better mood but he just didn't know what to do. So while you laid down on the shared bed, he just scrolled down through his Twitter, but couldn't really focus on all the tweets that he was scrolling past.

"Kuzuha~" The said man is immediately turning to you, ready to give you all his attention and anything else you need of him because he thinks that's the least he could do right now.

He knows what to do when you wordlessly pat the empty spot next to you. Gently wrapping his arms around your waist, he pulls you closer against his body as he lies down next to you.

"Do you want to talk about your day?" The question feels weird and awkward when it leaves his mouth as he silently cringes. Why did he sound so formal, when asking you that. But then another question occupied his mind when you let out a sigh.

What if you don't want to talk about it?

His rapidly beating heart is put at ease when you start telling him about your day and everything that went wrong to put you in the mood you are in right now. Kuzuha silently listens to your rants while running his hand through your hair, only opening his mouth to agree with you when you curse some random people.

"Thank you, Kuzu." Red eyes peered down at your face, seemingly in a better mood now, buried against his chest. "Why exactly are you thanking me?" He asks, genuinely confused as he couldn't think of anything he did to deserve a thank you. "Because being here with you made me feel better." Heat rushes up to his cheeks at your words and it only gets worse when you look up at him with a bright smile. He gently pushed your face back against his chest in an attempt to hide his flushed face. You already caught a glimpse of it, but decided to say nothing about it as you pushed yourself closer to him.

"I love you." Kuzuha whispered, barely audible but definitely genuine. "I love you too."

You might have a bad day again tomorrow morning, overmorrow or it might even continue for a long time but at the end of the day, you have him, your lover, to embrace you in his warmth and make you forget about it all.

And that's his strength that he doesn't notice. He is able to make you feel better just by being there for you.

#ily anon #i hope you'll feel better<3 #nijisanji x reader #nijisanji #nijisanji jp #kuzuha nijisanji #nijisanji kuzuha #kuzuha x reader #kuzuha

[r95irth]

Will- oh-WIPs!

I think I'm going to start this weekly (or monthly) post to boost my confidence. (and convince myself that my WIPs do go forward) Order is important it's priority list.

Burning Roof - Chapter 115 is being beta-read. Chapter 120 is being written - Page 2/10 It's the most important part of this arc and I can't mess this up or it will fuck one character's arc for the rest of the story (pressure? nah)

Just a Drop - Chapter 30 Bonus - Finished - 20 pages in total - JGY's scar missing plot point dealt with LXC, a tiny bit with NMJ + MXY's secret boyfriend reveal. Waiting second reading from me + beta-reading eventually. I'm so happy I finished this, I was stuck on it for so long because the smut part blocks me (there's no smut, I chicken out, and followed my dear beta's advices and it works)

Jiaoren - Chapter 7 - Page 1/10 - Xiyao AU where MY is a Jiaoren in Sunshot and Jiaoren's flesh can grant immortality if given willingly. Unstuck myself last month on this Xiyao + wangxian story. It was supposed to be a short story it's not going to be that. I'm not surprised :c

Ghost story - At Page 42 - Xiyao + 3zun dynamic fix it supposed OS that is (surprise) not going to be an OS, I was stuck because I started it after a dream and I had 0 plot. Currently scripting and plotting it with the help of my beta to whom I finally asked for help. I have the start + the end but still figuring out the middle and how-to-get-to-the-climax part (the most difficult one for me)

Heaven official - Xiyao where JGY ascended at the end of MDZS. Went wild on twitter a few days ago with the idea, scripted this completely, wrote the prologue of 1 page and half. Ahahha. Fortunately Shiome made an awesome art of the core idea so accidentally my brain is fed, let's see how long it holds until it comes back scratching and hissing.

9 months - Scripted completely !! Now time to write the first page. Still figuring out the first line.

Freaky Friday MDZS version - Serie of OS where sibs characters of the serie swap place to fix canon. Vaguely scripted. I wrote 1 and half page of a prologue and now I'm chapter 1 with the first word JIN ZIXUAN and that's it. I know next scene is JZXuan pov waking up at the Yunping brothel at the age of 8. But brain wants to draw it not write it.

Cultivator.exe - Chapter 2 - Page 10/10 - Brain is like : no plot, only slice of life, and body is like : no plot, no progress.

KittYao - Chapter 2 Page 5/10 - Self explanatory title? JGY wakes up as a cat because of XY. No script only vague plot. Brain wants to draw it, not write.

Nice to meet you - Chapter 6 / 44 pages in total - I have to rewrite this in omniscient pov, I decided. I do not know how to write omniscient pov, brain replied. Then we're stuck, we said. what about drawing it, wouldn't that be omniscient pov by default? Brain whispered, we never tried a WEBCOMIC format, maybe it will be fun! Lazy ass who knows how much work a comic is not listening.

Take Care - Wrote a bonus chapter about Maho's feeling toward Satoru that is around 20 pages, decided I didn't like that but I like what I wrote and now I don't know where my characters are at so we're all stuck. Next chapter is 20 pages long and far from over and I'm tired. I walkway get stuck every 20 pages that' why Home format is better it's 10 pages chapter so I get comment boosted. Waiting to see if BNHA's end will give me a fan boost to come back. If not, I will write an alternative end and wrap Take care at Satoru and Mahô getting to UA and todomomo getting a positive pregnant test.

Novel number 1 - 5irth - Have to re-read and re-write the first part then publish it on KDP eventually after maquetting it. I hate re-writing + I have to re-write in French and I'm scared I lost my level.

Novel number 2 - Constellations - Stuck with one character's power in one book, stuck with the plot in the other book. It's in French too. Brain wants to draw it/turns it into a webcomic. I hate that loop.

If you want information about any of this WIP or a tiny sample of it, feel free to send a request/ask here. I don't have a life anyways, I've got things to write instead.

Yes it's too many WIPs, I know. But I have an explanation for that : it's hard to live with my brain. It stays rent free inside my head and I can't get it out.

#wips #mdzs #fanfic #Xiyao mostly #not gonna lie BR is probably going to be my last real 3zun #will-oh-wips

[okimargarvez]

THE GOOD AND THE RIGHT

Original title: The good and the right

Prompt: what if after 16x6.

Warning: spoiler for 16x6.

Genre: romantic, angst.

Characters: Penelope Garcia, Luke Alvez, JJ, Tyler Green (mentioned).

Pairing: Garvez.

Note: oneshot 85 in Garvez collection.

Legend: 💏😘. Song mentioned: Addio mio amore, Tiziano Ferro.

GARVEZ STORIES

Note: this is dedicated to @thinitta. I know that my opinion about Tyler is unpopular, right now, but I don't hate him. He can't be the reason to not get garvez. Our ship is stronger than that. I want to inform you on this, because it reflects on the story, obviously. But don't worry, Tyler is just a name, here.

THE GOOD AND THE RIGHT

I wish someone would explain to me why good intentions can so easily result in complete disasters. I messed all up, but for real, this time. I only realized it when I got back to my apartment and found Tyler waiting for me... Inside my bed. He was awake, he was smiling. I managed to avoid his kiss I don't even know how. I told him I was tired, one of the most banal excuses ever, but in reality, it was partially the truth, because in one day I experienced too many emotions. The fear for JJ and Luke, being emotional support for Tyler, looking after both him and the case…

It was nice to feel understood, deeply understood, but it doesn't justify what happened. I just... I didn't think at the time, it just seemed like the right thing to do to keep him on the straight and narrow. Probably losing myself, meanwhile.

Too bad that something even more terrible happened right during the kiss. Well, it depends on your point of view. I thought it could be Luke. And it's not completely absurd, because he tried to do the same, three years ago, during our first and only date. But I ran away, like I did with Tyler the first time. And I told Luke that I understood that it would be better to stay friends, because I didn't feel ready for a relationship, I was going through too many changes and... That's it. That time too it was half a lie, half a truth. Luke made an effort to sound sympathetic and less pained than he actually was. But I saw it through his eyes. Still, it didn't change my mind.

Luke... I felt his gaze on me throughout the discussion. He's not stupid, he sensed something, surely that the noise was neither feline nor Bigfoot. When I left I avoided him like a plague victim. But he had made a joke, asking me if Sergio was still hungry and I couldn't lie to him again.

Now I'm in my former office. I managed to dodge the others, arriving very early. Especially him... Because I know his schedule perfectly and how I wish it weren't like that. Now he must be taking a shower, after his usual morning run, alone. Roxy is getting old, and he struggles every day with the fear of losing her. I feel an excruciating pain in my chest, so I force myself to think of something else, but there's no way, my mind always goes there.

Oh Luke, if only I were less of a coward... You deserve better, a more normal, more stable person who can make you feel at ease, if not happy. Someone that may it not add anxieties to the ones you already fight against on a daily basis.

At least it helped me to understand that I will never get over it. Whatever may happen. I will never stop being in love with Luke Alvez, but I will never be able to love him. Because falling in love and love are not the same thing at all. The first one just happens, there's nothing you can do about it, your head in the clouds, you're acting like an idiot. While for the second you have to work hard, put a lot of effort into it. And you have to see each other as real people, jumbles of flaws and not as gods come down to earth.

Someone knocks on my door. I pray it's not him. It can't be him. It's too soon for anyone. And Tyler? But no, I forbid him to be seen. But... I sigh and turn towards the door. -Come in.- I shout, but my voice trembles. I hope whoever is walking in now doesn't notice, but considering it's probably a profiler… I swivel my chair back to the opposite position, my back to the newcomer.

-Hey, Garcia.- my lungs relax for a moment, recognizing the voice, but then I realize I'm actually not out of danger at all. She knows so much…though nothing about my date with Luke. We have mutually agreed (more or less) to not inform the team. It would only lead to heavy doses of embarrassment. She grabs a chair and sets it next to mine. Ouch, it doesn't bode well.

I just take a look at her. -How can I help you, my young friend?- I pretend an enthusiasm that I don't feel at all and naturally she realizes it.

She giggles. -Not so young.- she touches her head and grimaces. -I don't know how long it will take me to fully recover.- I nod. It's so easy to forget what happened just two days ago. In a normal situation they should both stay at home, to rest, to recover. They deserve it. Luke could be spending time with Roxy and…damn it! JJ seems to read both in my eyes and in the pause that weighs between us. -Are you okay?- she takes my hand, looks at me like that and I know I'm screwed. But maybe that was what I wanted too. Let off steam. Free me. And, despite this, I would never have taken the initiative.

I take a breath, once, twice. -Not really.- I show off one of my pre-delusional smiles. She settles better, sensing what is about to happen. -Where do I start?- I ask perhaps more to myself. -Here, at my farewell party, three years ago... you know that I danced almost the whole evening with... Luke?- I swallow to force myself to pronounce that name, which now takes on precise nuances. She nods, but her pupils are already shining. -Before... before our talks he took me aside for a moment and he... asked me out.- she opens her eyes and mouth wide and barely refrains from replying, perhaps fearing that if she interrupted me I would no longer be able to continue and I would have seized the chance. -Well, we went out together…- it's the coup de grace.

-What?!- she squeezes my hands tightly and hugs me. I just hope she doesn't expect I'm about to tell her things like I'm pregnant or that we were been secretely together for past three years. -And you didn't say anything to anyone! To me!- she sounds offended, but in a joking way. -I want all the details, we have to do a girls' night and…- but then she notices my expression, not at all joyful. -Don't tell me you're only telling me now because you two broke up.- I shake my head.

-No. Because we've never been together.- JJ's glance is enough to realize how much she had hoped for us, and not just to laugh at our mutual attitude, jokes and teasing each other. And the others, who knows what they think. She seems unable to conceive that it didn't work out between us.

-But… but…- she stammers. -Why?- she asks the only question that should make sense.

-I… I don't know, it was my fault. I was so happy when he asked me, but then, when I got home, after saying goodbye, I mean the next day… I had a panic attack, a strong, paralyzing one. You know I don't like changes, but it's not just that, it's that…- I shake her hand, looking for the strength I don't feel. -I'm scared, absolutely terrified, of Luke.- she struggles to believe even this statement and I don't know how to explain myself better. -I'm in love with him.- I admit, brutally. -And I'm afraid that if I let myself go completely... and then it goes wrong... I won't be able to get out of it alive, like with Kevin.- I conclude, at least in part, waiting for the reproaches.

-Penelope!- she exclaims, but above all I hear a sweet pain in her voice. -That man could never hurt you, he practically kisses the ground you walk on!- hearing it say from another person is an absurd experience, because it makes everything extremely real and not just vague fantasies based on too many looks . -Seriously, Luke has been in love with you since... well, from the beginning, I think and, I don't know what happened during your date, but... he didn't get over it. If possible, it's even worse. You notice how he looks at you, right? And now I understand why, since you've been back, his attitude seems like a constant courtship. He no longer has reasons to hide.- I nod, biting my lips.

-But this was only the prelude…-she takes the head in her hands, signaling me to continue. Luckily, we both arrived ahead of schedule.

-

And we walk, we walk, with the dull sun and the fire in my face and if I answered you now, with my threatening love, nothing would be left of you, perhaps two tears and then dust and then the most ruthless emptiness, which I have tolerated until now

I lost her. That song keeps telling me, I can't get rid of. And I don't even know where the hell I first heard it. Maybe I made it up, maybe it's a consequence of the head trauma from being blown up. Pain in ribs and arm weren't enough. But I would bear any suffering, if I could have her in my arms again, perhaps without JJ, however much I love her too. It would be better not to think about it, because it only adds pain to pain, but I cannot continue down this path.

I need to know if I've got it right or if I've just made a mind trip. Why didn't she want to say who she was with when she had that brilliant insight? Why was it about Tyler Green's sister and why hadn't she shared that information about her with us? Unless she had just acquired it… from a... personal source. But if it was just that, if she just talked to that guy again… no, something in her manner, in her eyes, told me there was so much more at stake. And considering the weird noise we heard, decidedly masculine…

I have to say it, at least mentally. She was almost certainly with Green. At her apartment. And then they walked out, ended up right where Alison worked, and Garcia's lightbulb went on. I'm forced to think of her by her last name, because her name makes me think of the woman I'm in love with and that I hoped so much she could reciprocate me even just 10%. I know it's wrong, that it wouldn't be a healthy love, but after 7 years I've lost hope that anything on my part can change.

In all this time I have had another relationship, but she has always remained there, free, available. I had expected this day to come, but I hadn't taken it seriously. As if the two of us had always belonged together, even as I shared my life with Lisa. Another wrong thing. I'll go to hell, but I already knew that.

In any case, I need to know. I want to feel bad. To suffer mortally and water Roxy's fur. I've never cried for a woman, not outwardly, but I know it will happen with her. The elevator doors open. I nod to those who remain on board, I leave my bag on the desk in a rush way and I head with a determined step towards her office. I saw Esther in the parking lot, so I know she's already here. At least she's not with him. Will he be at home with Sergio and the new arrival? Rossi let it slip, even if he later tried to pass it off as a joke.

Tyler Green gave… Garcia a real cat. Not a stupid stress reliever. As a peace offering. To make them collaborate. Damn me, when I supported her in her idea of restoring his memory. When I encouraged her to talk to him again. And I gave him the scepter of most hated by Garcia. Because I thought I could aim for another kind of trophy by now.

Given the way our date went, shouldn't I have resigned myself that nothing will happen between us? No, at all. Because every now and then, even if too rarely, she sends me signals that certainly don't go in the direction of being just friends. If there was a similar kind of relationship between us as she has with other members of the BAU, why show such annoyance at seeing me? Why always keep me aside, as a different discourse, like when she, hugging us, had to underline how happy she was to see our faces again, even mine? And her enthusiasm when I let her know that I didn't give a damn about her "replacements".

No, I can't lose hope, even if that song tries to change my mind.

Goodbye my love, we haven't seen each other... goodbye my love, which side do you see, that splinter in my soul, that arrow in my heart, that I try to tear out every day, while I distract the world with a smile

Here, one more step and here I am. I'm about to knock, not wanting to sneak in, feeling like I have no right, but then my ears pick up voices. There is already JJ. I should go back to my desk and wait before giving it another try, but my legs aren't cooperating. Especially when I hear that name come out of... Penelope's lips.

-…he was drunk, do you know when they called me? It was the police, they had stopped him for a fight, so I ran there and not knowing what to do, I took him to my house...- I almost sighed with relief. Nothing new, just the usual caring Garcia. -But then, in the evening, when he seemed to have recovered, he started telling me about his sister, about what he had felt and I told him about my parents, and... there was like a jolt, between us and him... - I don't I realize how hard I'm clenching my fists until drops of blood wet the floor. -…he tried to kiss me and I snapped like a spring.- I smile, pleased. Well done, my love, that's how it's done. -So I offered him to take a walk and who knew that Alison had worked right there? It wasn't on his file and he hadn't remembered it before. I saw the crossroads and had one of the Reid-esque visions.- they giggle. -So far, so good. I gave him my keys and called a taxi, to run and tell you. - here, I feel the blow coming. -He asked me if he could help and that's when I…- JJ whispers something, but I can't catch the precise words. -I kissed him.- the world shatters, everything falls apart. My legs give way, but holding on to the door, I manage not to fall. I really lost her. I no longer hear a single word of her delirium. It's over. There is another man in her heart. Fuck the convinction we belong to each other and all that bullshit. Fuck the sensation of being special. Fuck looks, hugs, hard-won kisses on the cheek. Fuck dancing and her enthusiasm when I asked her out. If she really wasn't interested in me as a man, why didn't she just tell me? To not make me feel bad? Uh, honey, that's a nice play.

Goodbye my love, but here we die, goodbye my love, goodbye... I didn't want you and I don't want myself, goodbye love, goodbye!

The song was right. Who ever wanted to fall in love! That's why I was fine with Lisa. There were never real stresses, real anxieties. There was no rush to go home, whether she was there or not. The thought of her, after the first date (interrupted by whom? But look if that coincidentally), no longer distracted me during a case. No heartbeat. I cared of her, but it was never love. I've never been in love with her. Also because my heart was already busy. Someone had booked the place for a later date. But I didn't want it, no! I didn't want to be like this, act like a fool, say shit just to get her attention… make up all kinds of excuses just to touch her. Nor have I ever allowed my imagination to go so far, before her.

But inside me, that non-dark part, has always been convinced that if it ever happened to me… everything would be fine. It wouldn't have been a one-sided feeling. That's how I found the courage to ask her out. And I didn't gain anything, not even a poor kiss. Maybe it's better this way, how could I have gone on living afterwards, without being able to savor those lips anymore? Well, that's poet bullshit too, and none of my ex-comrades would believe I could have thought such a thing.

I don't know how long it's been, but suddenly I'm losing strength and everything goes black. Cold, dark.

Instead, it's a strong sensation of warmth that brings me back to the world of the living. And a pleasant tickle. Yellow. I lift my eyelids slowly, I don't want to be blinded by the lights. But it's useless. My view is entirely taken up by Penelope's pale and worried face. Her blonde hair brushes my cheek. -Oh, thank God!- I think I can see tears behind her glasses. I don't have the strength to hope for it. -JJ, he's awake!- I catch her joy and I realize that the other blonde is also at my bedside. I'm on the floor, but my head is resting on the IT's bare knees. On the one hand I wish I could enjoy the moment better, on the other I'm tired to survive with few crumbs.

-Luke!- JJ looks concerned too. -Don't worry, I'm calling for help, it's definitely a consequence of the explosion...- I shake my head. Wrong move.

-No, no!- I whine. I don't recognize my voice. -I'm fine. I just had…- I look at Penelope, who tries to look away from me but in a moment her eyes are prey to mine. Just bullshit? Will the same thing happen to her with Tyler? No, I don't think so. I try to pull myself up. Realizing I'm too stubborn to change my mind, Penelope helps me. She places my arm around her shoulders and with JJ on the other side, they lift me up and lead me to a couch, the only real change since Garcia is no longer IT at the BAU. -Don't call anyone, I'm fine.- I repeat, with a slightly more convincing tone.

JJ sighs. She looks towards the friend. -Keep an eye on him and let me know if you can knock some sense into him!- having said that, she disappears and we are alone. The fact is that I didn't really recover. I have a foggy-headed, that song that torments me with the vision of Garcia that kisses Green. Then I realize that it was not a nightmare, she really said it. It really happened. Maybe I became transparent, because she reads it in my face.

She is sitting in the opposite end of the sofa. -You... you heard, right?- I don't nod, but the answer is in my eyes. -I'm sorry, I did a mess, it's such a wrong thing, I have overcome the demarcation line between work and private life, I didn't do it on purpose, it is...- I am not able to hold one of her ramblings. I stretch the arm and touch the first thing that is on my trajectory. Her knee.

She gasps. -Enough.- I exclaim, in a hoarse voice. Oh no, after passes out I will not whine in front of her. Still, I feel the lump in my throat climb along my body, stop it. -You can't choose who... you ... you fall in love with.- bitter banality. -If you are happy with Green... I am ...- I can't say it. -I would like to be happy for you, but I can't.- here, this is the truth. -Because you deserve the entire universe. I want you to be the happiest person in the world.- two too long sentences. I have to wait a moment to recover breath, she doesn't seem able to replicate anything. -I just wanted... I believed that you would be with me.- and with this I closed.

Penelope looks at me as if I had come out of mind. -Luke, I ... I'm not in love with Tyler!- she looks at me, waiting for a reaction. -You overheard just something.- she concludes.

-In I have not ... overheard.- I deny, trying to find a less vulnerable position, keeping sobs at bay, but I still don't know for how much. I have to leave this room and run home. I have all the good excuses to get a day free. -But if you are not in love with that guy... why did you kiss him?- I thought I finished, instead there is still a lot, too much, that we need to dissect, among us.

She opens her inviting mouth, too often the protagonist of my dreams. -It was a mistake. I wanted to make him feel better, I let myself be taken from the atmosphere...- she makes it too easy. However, I certainly don't expect her next move. -And why you stayed almost three years with Lisa?- the tone is accusing and it's not just my impression.

I approach her on the sofa, consciously or not. -Yeah, because she made me feel good.- Penelope nods.

-She is a good person.- I can't understand how we ended up talking about her.

-Yeah, she does.- I shrug. Another big mistake. A grimace. Tears are about to appear. But she must have approached during the conversation, because few inches separate our bodies.

She has a weird gaze, which scares me. -Exactly. And Tyler Green is also a good guy. You talked to him too. He suffered a great trauma and will have to work a lot to overcome the sense of guilt ...- is she talking about him or herself? -and he has made a lot of wrong choices, but remains a good person.- I just stares at her. -Maybe, in another context, in another life... who knows, it could really work, between us.- this is too much. I will not stay in her former office, in this shape, to hear her talk about her possible love story.

I try to get up and fall down, almost in her arms. -What are you smiling at?- she answers me with her eyes that I just don't have the right to make such a reproach, considering how much I love her smiles. Snort.

-Why didn't work between you and Lisa? And don't say Phil. I never believed it, that it was just for that.- why does she keep to put my ex in the middle? At least the nervous blocked the lump in my throat.

I stare at her. -Because no matter how good she was, she wasn't the right one.- she beats her hands, to underline the last word I pronounced. She leans to me, too much for my tormented heart.

As if she was about to kiss me, but I know it is not so. -Exactly.- she says, convinced. -For me is the same. I know that with Tyler there could be something, but also that it would be wrong, also because, however good he may be, he is not the right one.- silence filled only by the thousand machinery in the room. -And I am sure, because I have already found the right one, and he doesn't want to get out of my head.- I try to drive away the feeling of hope that she is talking about me. But it's too late. -Only that... after what I did ... will he forgive me?- she wouldn't look at me like this, if I wasn't personally involved. But I'm tired of this ambiguity. I need concreteness.

I brush her hand and she allows me. -Who could not do it, Penelope?- I whisper. Our eyes are tangled. Pain in the chest grows. The tears push to free themselves. Time stops and slowed down I see her face approaching. I do the same. Finally our lips merge and nothing else exists. Not even the fact that there is another man at her apartment, almost certainly, full of expectations and hopes.

When we separate Penelope rests her heads between my shoulder and chest, but immediately pulls away, probably fearing to hurt me. I force her to go back there. I caress her back as she vents. -Oh, Luke, please forgive me! I know I hurt you and I never wanted, never! I am so afraid, but no matter how big the fear is, there is no way, I can't stop loving you! Please, even if I don't deserve it, don't leave me!- she is not the only one to cry. The wave of her love overwhelms me, and it was never so beautiful to drown.

I take her face in my hands, with thumbs I dry a few savory drops, ignoring mine. Instead, she realizes my state, but I don't give a damn about not seem a macho. I know she doesn't care. -Shh, Pen, calm down.- I brush her lips in a very short kiss, as further reassurance. -It's okay, I have nothing to forgive you, we were not yet together... unfortunately.- I have chosen the wrong words, because it causes a new waterfall. -Hey, hey.- another little kiss. -Stop it, stop! I love you more than I have ever believed possible and I don't give a damn about the rest.- she seems to finally believe it. -Just... do you think you can promise me that you will not kiss every man or woman that you want to help?- it's half a joke, but she takes it seriously.

-I would never do it!- I nod. It is enough for me. -And you... could you do me a favor?- I wonder what she can ask me. -Can you go to the hospital and get checked out? I don't want to lose you just now that I found you.- I hold her hand so strong that I risk hurting her.

I sigh. -All right. But- peremptory voice -I want to be there when you talk to Tyler. If you don't feel to, I can stay in another room, but I don't let you go alone. I know he is a good guy, but...- she nods. She seems willing to grant me the universe. But I know it is only for today and that the bantering will return tomorrow.

Because that's how we work. Penelope checks her clothes, then cleanses my cheeks from the last tears; she leans over to give me an intense kiss, which worths as a real mutual promise. My hands are looking for hers, and viceversa, they find themselves, they intertwine. -Let's go.-

You were born from the pain that will be stop by time, and fears are about to be born, but we will survive and, love, love is awaiting you... because the eternal is not in a hurry!

#garvez #criminal minds #cm #penelope garcia #luke alvez #luke x penelope #penelope x luke #garcia x alvez #alvez x garcia #jennifer jareau #penelope garcia x luke alvez #luke alvez x penelope garcia #garvez fanfiction

[just-horrible-things]

‘Verse: Resistance Story: Chewtoy AU, co-author @whump-sprite Timeline: Connor and Ariadne in Canada, they're settled in but haven't been there long

Touch [Prev | Next]

She means to get up before Connor gets back. She hates being this useless and she hates him seeing it. 

He's always saying she doesn't have to be productive. That she should focus on recovery.

Vegetating on the floor isn't gonna get her any closer to getting better, either. 

She means to get up, but she has plenty of time. And then plenty of time narrows to at least an hour, to half an hour, to quarter of an hour, ten minutes, five, to okay lazybones you have to get up right this instant or he's gonna open that door…

And she still doesn't. 

He does open the door, and he finds her still laying there, face down in the middle of the lounge, arms curled defensively round her head. 

"Ari?" he asks, even though he's the one who said they should use their new names even at home, even when they think they're alone. "Present," she mumbles reluctantly.

Even that inadequate acknowledgement feels like a monumental effort. 

She knows she should assure him that she's fine. She should get up so that he can see for himself. He'll think something happened, that she's hurt or distraught or sick or scared and she's not. 

She just can't find it in her.

"What happened?" "Nothing happened.” His question drags the words out of her. “I'm okay."

He looks at her and his expression stays still and neutral but there’s tiredness and frustration in his eyes. He thinks he hides those feelings from her but he's easier to read than he thinks. 

And why shouldn't he be tired and frustrated? He's just finished a full day's work at a job he didn't want in the first place. He wants to get home and relax, not deal with her bullshit.

"You're not okay," he says. Mild and patient, but she hears the accusation anyway. 

She turns her face down towards the floor in shame. 

"I am,” she insists, “I’ll get up, it’s fine.” She hears him step forwards as she pushes up to her hands and knees, but he stops there. Feet under her and it’s not even difficult, once she’s moving. She doesn’t know why she just didn’t for so many hours, if she can as soon as someone’s watching.

It’s not fair on Connor, to make him responsible for whether she lays on the floor all day or not.

“I’m okay,” she says. “I… was just lying down. I get… achy. Lying down helps. You don’t have to worry.” Connor nods “okay,” and she pretends she doesn’t hear him sigh as he turns to take off his shoes and hang up his coat.

Uncomfortable, Ari goes into the kitchen, even though she doesn’t want anything from the kitchen. She runs herself a glass of water, and doesn’t drink it. She contemplates the closed fridge, then berates herself for pretending like she’s thinking about cooking when they both know she doesn’t have the first idea how to put a meal together.

“Why don’t you come join me on the couch? It’s a lot comfier than the floor. I’m putting a movie on.”

Ari does as he says, but she can’t look at him. She sits uncomfortably on the couch edge, and freezes up again. She doesn’t know whether to pretend to relax, or if he’ll see right through it.

“I’m sorry,” she tells her knees. “I didn’t mean to worry you.” “You can lie on the floor if you want to,” he answers carefully. “That’s fine. I was just concerned.”

She misses him so much. 

They used to be friends, this used to be easy, he used to be one of the people she could completely relax around. And now he’s given up everything for her and he at least deserves some gratitude and affection in return and she cannot figure out how not to be totally stiff and awkward.

He puts the TV on, and scrolls briefly through options that Ari fails to take in before making a selection. Ari doesn’t even see the title, let alone read the description. She was too busy looking at the faces of the actors in the preview.

They used to watch action films together, her and Connor and Caleb and the others. They’d critique all the characters’ dubious decisions and argue over the technical inaccuracies. It was fun. It was comfortable. 

She wonders if Connor misses it as much as she does.

“Pad Thai for dinner?” he asks as the title sequence starts. “Sure.”

He orders on his phone, while Ari watches the swooping intro shots that tell her nothing about what kind of film Connor picked. Then he passes the phone to her to make her selection. She picks a noodle bowl more or less at random, and passes it back.

Then the dialogue starts, and it’s funny. Despite her anxiety, Ari can’t help cracking a smile. And as she starts to smile, she starts to relax, at least a little. 

Connor finishes ordering and leans back, legs wide, one arm on the back of the chair. He looks relaxed. Ari wonders if he has to force it.

He sees her looking, and casts a questioning glance her way, and sees the ghost of a smile on her face, and smiles back.

She misses him so much it hurts.

Cautiously, hesitantly, watching his face for any hint of rejection, she inches closer. They never used to worry about personal space, none of them did. But he doesn’t touch her now, not even casually. She doesn’t know if it would be across some kind of line if she touched him. 

Does he even want her close, or is it all obligation? She’s ruined his life, she would understand if he doesn’t like her very much anymore.

“C’mere,” he says. So she does. She scoots over, and he puts an arm round her shoulders, and all at once she’s sure it’s okay and she curls up against his side. He’s warm and solid and the planes of his body are familiar and he’s using a different deodorant now but he still smells like Connor.

She hugs tight round his ribs, and he tips his head against the top of hers, and finally, maybe for the first time since they got here, maybe for the first time in years, she is able to relax.

[Next]

#my writing #verse: resistance #au: chewtoy #connor thompson #chewtoy!ariadne #fluff! #occasionally I write fluff #occasionally

[ragecndybars]

🍈

🍈 Who’s your blorbo and what are some of your favorite headcanons/ideas about them that repeatedly show up in your fics? Free pass to rant about blorbo opinions.

👀👀👀 Anon... I hope you knew what you were getting into when you asked this.

I already went on a rant about Akihiko, so here is my Minato Arisato, aka Makoto Yuki, aka Sakuya Shiomi if ya nasty, rant <3

He only says as many words/syllables as are ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY to get his basic point across. In general, he isn't a talker, but he isn't the type to say, for instance, "I'm getting a little tired, so I'm gonna head to bed," he's more of a "Tired. Night." type of guy.

We all know that he has that Resting 😐 Face. He has a really nice smile when it's genuine, but if he tries to force it just for the sake of appearances, it looks insanely strained and just... wrong 😅

He can be a real space case sometimes. Take your eyes off of him for too long and he'll drift into traffic or walk into a pole because he's not watching where he's going, he's either doing complex mental math to allocate time and determine his schedule for the next few weeks or he's rotating a 3D model of a snake in his head, and both activities take up the same amount of brain power (all of it).

Though he's hard to read and can come off as aloof, he's a genuinely great friend who's understanding, a great listener, and very attuned to other peoples' moods. But. And I cannot stress this enough. He is kind of a huge asshole sometimes.

Autistic king.

Big fan of music and also weapons. He owns a lot of CDs, including Lotus Juice's entire discography, and can play a fair number of musical instruments to some degree of proficiency, as well as knowing Fun Facts about many other instruments. He also knows Fun Facts about many types of weapons, not limited to just the types he's able to use.

Speaking of which, I've said this before, but I think his ability to use almost any weapon type isn't just because he has an interest in weapons, or because he just has Overpowered Protag Syndrome, but also because he very closely watches his party members' movements during battle and picks up on their technique. That's also why he can't use guns or knives -- the way Aigis and Koromaru use those weapons is unique to them, as a robot and dog, so he can't observe them to see how to use them himself. I think he does know how to do basic maintenance on Aigis's guns, though, since he's seen her dong that as well.

I've said this before as well, but I don't think he's the type to address people directly very often. He's more likely to tap their shoulder, say "Hey," or just start talking without preamble. This isn't necessarily noticeable -- most people don't think to themselves, "Hm, y'know, he's never actually addressed me by name before," because that's just not something people really pick up on -- but, when he does address someone, either by name or just by "Senpai" or another relevant title, it catches their attention because they subconsciously aren't used to him addressing them, and that's why he is 100% capable of saying "Senpai" romantically.

There are very, very few foods he likes to eat, which is why he gets the same thing at every restaurant in town every time he goes, but that also means that he's very used to eating food he thinks is gross, which is why he can stomach Fuuka's creations better than any other character. To him, her burnt food slathered in all the wrong sauces and spices isn't that much worse than just having a regular entree that isn't one of his very few Approved Meals.

He's pretty laid-back and sometimes even lazy, but he HATES having free time. If he doesn't have anything to do, he isn't going to just casually indulge in a hobby or anything -- he has to have something concrete, like a Social Link to level up, or a particular skill he wants to hone, even if that skill is honed by watching a movie or something. His motto is "If I'm not doing something, then I might as well be asleep," and he sticks to that whenever he possibly can.

The only exception to this rule is video games. There are a few games he can play without needed to justify it to himself as honing his Guts or whatever. He likes farming sims :) A couple other members of SEES play them as well, but he's the only one who's remotely relaxed about it. He's just there to have fun, whereas Mitsuru and Aigis are frantically minmaxing to become billionaires in their first season. (Fuuka at least will play with him normally, though she's more of a rhythm game girl imo)

THIS IS GETTING LONG OH GOD LETS WRAP IT UP

He doesn't grasp social cues very well, but if he feels like he does understand a particular social cue, he'll use it as a crutch of some sort. For instance, to use a specific example from a published fic, when Akihiko gives him a thumbs up in Always Wanna Play, Minato thinks to himself, "Ah, yes, a thumbs up. I know what that means, and now I know that thumbs ups are an effective way to communicate with Akihiko," which is why he then gives Akihiko three more thumbs ups throughout the fic (even in very dire circumstances where it doesn't realy fit, lmao)

#thank you so much for the ask!!! this was a blast <3 #Persona 3 #P3 #Minato Arisato #Makoto Yuki #ask #since this is basically just a headcanon post i decided to tag it

[scott-mccall-the-hot-girl]

back at it again with more unfinished blurbs for potential thiam fics! pls interact with this

title: ancient history

concept: inspired by ancient history by set it off. liam & theo live together, becoming close to liam is one of theo’s biggest fears because comfortable feels like a crime. liam biggest fear is that theos big fat mouth will mention what happened in that elevator. theo takes a trip to a college during this time to get a feel of the world beyond beacon hills.

( part 1 | part 2 )

-

7:43 PM

LD: did you know my mom said the phrase "i miss theo" 27 times today?

TR: missing jenna hours

TR: how many times did you agree?

LD: i'm glad you are gone

TR: not to be presumptuous but i know that's a lie?

LD: can you hear my heart beat in east ass fuck?

TR: you wish.

TR: also it's the valley liam, not fucking kalamazoo

LD: i found out kalamazoo is a real place the other day. i almost peed my pants.

TR: if you piss anywhere near your bed i'm not coming back

LD: you do have your own bed

TR: i have a couch

LD: better than your truck?

TR: my truck is free of your snoring

LD: but snoring is better than the couch?

read

9:32 PM

TR: did you know campus has their own build your own crepe bar

LD: i fucking love crepes

TR: i'll bring you one

LD: it will be cold!

TR: does jenna know how ungrateful you are?

TR: she loves me!

LD: she only tolerates you because you do the dishes

TR: i don't even have a mother liam, this really offensive

LD: shut the fuck up

TR: i'm going to bed

TR: alone!

TR: free from any beastly noises that radiate from your side of the bed!

LD: goodnight asshole

read

3:25 AM:

LD: i said that i misses you 34 times today

LD: i lied, then i lied again bc you said you knew i was lying. i can't tell if your joking.

LD: i think i need to talk to my therapist bc i can't sleep without you

LD: but i'm tired as all fuck, that's probably why i'm sending you these!

LD: embarrassment to deal with later

LD: for now i'd like to inform you i'm not ready for you to go to college & if you laugh at me when i cry at graduation i'll shoot you in the asshole.

LD: like straight through the asshole.

LD: i think i'm really selfish.

read

TR: you are the farthest from selfish

LD: fuck you go to bed

LD: i'm having a moment

TR: define the selfish thing for me?

LD: i wish you could have chosen me instead bc then i could hate you now with good reason & i would have gotten you, just had the opportunity... even if it was fake.

LD: oh fucking christ

TR: you are an idiot

LD: thanks theo! love the support!

read

-

"Did you fall asleep like that?" Theo asked hesitantly.

Liam, flat on his back, phone in hand, sprawled out like an overgrown starfish choked violently on whatever sleep drawn spit settled in his throat, Theo chuckled.

"It's seven in the morning! You had at least two more assembly's to sit through! What the fuck Theo! Why are you home? Oh god Theo you are home…"

Because like he said, it was seven and the morning so of course, after a very long trip back to Beacon Hills Liam was yelling. If you asked him four minutes ago he probably would have been happy to see him too.

#the unfished thiam drafts #teen wolf #theo raeken #liam dunbar #theo raeken headcannon #liam dunbar headcannon #thiam fic recs #thiam fic #puppy pack

[semi-sketchy]

This is gonna be more personal than I usually get, but I've had some thoughts lately.

I was an awful person. Seriously.

Something recently made me go back and look through some old screenshots from when I was 14/15 and...yikes.

My emotions clouded a lot and I didn't remember how frankly vile I was. That's actually the reason I keep these screenshots. It's not so I have a laundry list of receipts I can whip out and use against others, it's so the facts of the situation are not lost. It doesn't matter that screenshots are easily edited because this is for my archive so I remember.

They say there's nothing scarier than a teenage girl and I can attest to that. I was angry with the world. While my intent in many of these fights was sticking up for friends, what I actually did was just plain bully people I thought "deserved it".

It's no secret I was with a group at that time which I can only describe now as a hate group. We were all young then and the people in it have grown up. I don't know where they are, but I'm sure they're better people now. I'm not really in much of a position to judge anyways, seeing as I was one of them.

It was only once I exited that group (which I also handled badly) and there was no one to laugh at my awful "jokes" anymore did I realize the person we attacked didn't actually "deserve it". My understanding of that harmful mentality was only starting at that time, but it was enough to know I was in the wrong and approach the person to try and make amends.

Was there more to the situation? Absolutely. Although at the end of the day, my actions are still my own. I don't like living with the knowledge that I might've damaged someone, but I can't change the past. There's not much more I can do than say I'm sorry.

My behavior shifted after that. While it wasn't perfect, I actively made an effort to not throw insults at people when having a disagreement. I picked my battles and didn't argue with everyone. My most valuable lesson though was to not to retaliate publicly and prolong the arguments, instead opting to vent privately.

While it took another situation to figure this out, I did eventually realize I shouldn't get involved in another friend's drama to try and help them. At that point, I realized I wasn't sticking up for them; I was just a tool.

Around that period, there was a lot of negativity and reoccurring trolls that kept making new accounts in my comments section. I was tired of the arguments, tired of people yelling at me over stuffed animals, starting fights with others, and no matter how many I blocked, they kept coming back. I was just tired so I disabled comments. It's a decision I still stand by today, even though I've since enabled comments again. The fandom has gotten more peaceful over the years and I'd like to believe I've learned how to foster a chill community.

People were quite vocal about the decision, some saying I had a god complex while others said I was violating free speech. Some made videos at me, I even found a hate quiz on Quotev.

People made up a title to call me then got mad at me over said title, even though I never used it. I got people accusing me of being stuck-up because while I was loud on camera, I wasn't talkative and often didn't respond unless I was asked a question. I tried so hard so many times to try and get people to understand I wasn't what they said I was and I never claimed myself the "queen" of anything. I rejected the idea that I was a "higher power" and tried to show that I was just another person. Of course, the videos I made for this purpose came off to many how I view them in hindsight: pretentious cringe.

All of it came crashing down when the news about the person I attacked got spread around like wildfire, someone from that hate group egging on my demise with their friends and posting stories about me.

I shut down. To this day, I still can't open that screenshot folder without shaking. Folks I always interacted with stopped talking to me, people I looked up to joined in, some even used the callout as an excuse to release my personal information.

People demanded a public apology, that I needed to make up with some of the very people perpetuating the drama, and I did nothing. I didn't think I owed the entire internet an apology over a situation that didn't involve them and I believed to be settled years ago. I knew anything I said would be used against me, so I said nothing.

To be fair, looking back at this stuff...yeah I had it coming. It was true. I did do (some) of the stuff I was being accused of. I should be held accountable. Perhaps I did deserve this treatment.

The part that made it feel unfair is I already learned from the mistakes. I tried to make it right and changed my behavior. I wasn't acting like that anymore and I figured out it was wrong without someone needing to tell me.

I was a horrible person, it's true. My actions and attitude hurt others. From this I became a people pleaser, dedicated years of my life to trying to be as nice as possible and share very little so I won't be a troublemaker. It shaped who I became and while it took awhile to realize my feelings matter too, I'm comfortable with who I am now. I'm weary of many people, but at the very least I know I'm not mean-spirited.

Say I'm dwelling on things and stuck in the past, I can't refute it. Every few months, something takes me back to 2016 and it plays out over and over again. Not long ago I watched season 1 of Oshi No Ko and episode 6, Egosurfing, was so accurate it triggered me so bad, I was lightheaded and in a confused panic. It took hours to drag myself out of my own head.

I don't want to carry my mistakes around with me forever. I want to forgive myself and move on, because while I was a little shit, I grew from that. It was a learning experience and something I think I needed to experience to understand.

I guess my purpose for posting all this is to help put it behind me. When something triggered me and I started going through the screenshots again, I had a serious feeling of "I should just quit, it's time". I know, it's been 7 years and I still haven't healed.

I'm not asking for patience or even forgiveness, just understanding. Hold me to this because I want to get better.

#personal #i normally don't go into this stuff but i'm hoping maybe this'll help put it behind me #that or be called a hypocrite again lol