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justkending · 3 days

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Mr. & Mrs. Hunt (Chapter 3)

Mini-Series Summary: Two of the most stubborn people in the group partnered together for an undercover mission are also the two people with the most hatred for each other, so what could go wrong? Or is it, what COULDN’T go wrong?…

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Avenger Reader

Word Count: 2100+

A/N Note: I was typing away for the next chapter to come, so chapter 4 will be posted tomorrow (it will also be longer too)! Thank you again for all the support and love you've shown me for this series :) Love all you guys!

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Bucky’s POV:

Why’d I think she’d be able to handle an adult conversation as soon as I started getting serious? When will I fucking learn?

I waited until Y/N shut her door before I went back out to the living room. She drove me insane, but I decided to keep up the habit of staying up late for her.

During one of her drunken nights at one of Tony’s galas, she had revealed that she preferred sleeping when someone else was awake. In exposing her reason why, it made me sympathize with her trauma.

“It’s like having a night watch. If someone else is aware, I can put my guard down. Not that that even happens often enough, but oh well,” Y/N drunkenly swayed the side of her silk dress from left to right as she watched the people on the dancefloor.

I knew the feeling of never being able to fully settle into sleep or relaxation because you’d seen all the horrors in the world. We knew what lurked out there and the consequences of someone getting the jump on you.

So, from the first night here, I would stay up in the living room until midnight, sometimes later. Like clockwork, soon after 11 pm, she’d startle awake from a nightmare. I could hear her breathing and heart rate thanks to my enhancements, and I may or may not have channeled them into her room, given the nightmares she’d had in the past.

So far, there were none so bad to the point I had to go in and check on her, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tuned in to her room and checking every night in case the tides turned.

Even on the nights she frustrated me like tonight and made me reconsider why I was about to talk to her about… this. This chemistry that was starting to feel closer to real than fake. A feeling I can’t seem to shake, and now I’m wondering if I’m imagining it. Especially when she can’t seem to turn off her annoyance for me even when I think we finally have met in the middle to some extent.

Then again, I lead on that I don’t understand her when it’s quite the opposite. Her story is not far from most of the people who are recruited into our team. A form of a hostage situation where her choices were taken, and she was conditioned to serve some sadistic asshole until she was freed by her own doing. At least her own variation of that… Anyone coming from that kind of situation tends to bond easily over the trauma.

Not Y/N though…

I never start by being rude to someone. I mean, I’ve been told I’m intimidating and can come off as a terrifying giant assassin, but people in the same field who have seen far worse don’t tend to take that personally, considering almost everyone I work with knows my backstory and the reason behind my resting-assassin-face.

But Y/N, for some reason, was very standoffish with me from the get-go. For the first few months of us knowing each other, she ignored me, left the room when I came in, found an excuse for another partner on missions, and a list of other things that quickly made me believe she wanted nothing to do with me.

I may have reciprocated her behavior here and there, growing her annoyance with me even though I didn’t know where the annoyance had begun. I couldn’t help it, given the nasty looks and pure irritation that steamed off her when she looked my way.

I think the sentiment behind her feelings towards me still stands. But then her comment tonight, “I don’t hate you,” got to me.

I threw the laptop I had tried to use to distract myself again to the side. The TV was on, but all I heard was the patterned thumping in my chest starting to grow.

“No. I want to know fucking why,” I grumbled, standing up abruptly and stomping down the hall to the master bedroom.

The door was shut, and from how she looked, she may have already tucked into bed for the night, but oh well. We were going to talk this out. I couldn’t go another day trying to decipher these feelings and confusions.

I heard a “Jesus!” from the other side after my metal arm rapped three strong knocks in the center of the light sage-colored door. I banged again when I didn’t hear movement to follow up with it.

“Calm down, Paul Bunyan! No need to chop the damn door down. I was seconds from sleep,” she groaned before the door flung open, and she squinted up at me with the hall light bringing brightness to her near pitch-dark room. “What? What is it?” Before I could start my sentence, she tensed and looked around me vigilantly. “Shit. Did something happen?”

I shook my head quickly and instantly saw her shoulders go back and the grogginess return.

“I want to talk.”

She screwed her eyebrows up at me. “Dude. Seriously?”

“Seriously, dude,” I replied sarcastically, pushing past her into her room, turning on the light, and hearing a protest I was too annoyed to listen to.

“It can’t wait until fucking morning when my brain isn’t at 2%?” she crossed her arms, watching me from the doorway.

“Be real. Your brain doesn’t go below 75% even when you’re sleeping,” I answered, knowing the reality of never being able to shut off fully. Being constantly aware and on the edge of your seat, ready to pounce.

She eyed me since it wasn’t a diss, and I could see her debating whether or not it was a compliment.

“What do you-”

“You say you don’t hate me, but it sure as fuck doesn’t feel like it. From day one, it has felt the very opposite of that,” I cut her off with a harsh laugh at the end, getting right to the chase.

I’m standing at the end of her bed, arms crossed, and keeping an intense stare on her. Her stance straightens, and she shuffles her weight on her feet, arms mimicking mine.

“I thought you didn’t want to talk about it,” she said in a guarded tone. “What changed?”

“I can’t go on with this if I don’t know,” I answered honestly, motioning between us.

“I argue you have to go on with this either way,” she popped a hip, leaning against the threshold of the door frame.

“Y/N,” I level my eyes at her, and I can see her take in the seriousness in my features. “Just tell me why.”

She looks at me with a tilt of her head as if considering her options in how she wants to approach this conversation.

“We just don’t- mesh well…” she says slowly as if trying to sell it, but even she knew she was lying out of her ass.

“Bullshit. Try again,” I shook my head once and kept my eyes trained on her.

“Bullshit? You wanted to know-”

“I wanted to know the truth. You’re selling bullshit, and not very well, might I add. Be honest. Now.”

She huffed a laugh before blinking at me.

“We’re the same ranking if you’ve forgotten. Therefore, I won’t be taking commands from you, especially with that tone. But since you’re so hellbent on knowing my reasoning, maybe consider how you talk to me.” She took three slow steps closer to me as she spoke. “So ask me again without being a military servant, and maybe I’ll consider staying civil with you.”

She is one of a very select few kinds of people actually able to intimidate me. Her story was one to compete against mine. Though not many knew all the details since she was adamant about people being in the dark about it, we all knew what she was capable of. Her enhancements, although similar to mine, were not nearly as strong in most aspects. However, that didn’t deter her from being able to take a man quadruple my size down and keep them there.

I knew enough about her brain to know that it was one of the sharpest ones I had come across in my time. Everyone on the team had enough experience in this life to be able to manipulate a lot of situations, but Y/N was the queen of manipulating a situation to work out better for her and her team. It was like she was five steps ahead constantly, and it could be intimidating at times- not going to lie. A strategy someone in our field would think they had down until they saw her ridiculous efficiency at work. Hence, why she was her own kind of weapon for our team.

I give a single nod in acknowledgment, knowing my intensity would be matched and not work in my favor.

“You say you don’t hate me, and after these few weeks, I’m starting to believe you somewhat. However, our history keeps me from following that hope,” I answer.

She seems to take something from my confession and lock it in her mind for later use.

“Our history is complicated,” she replies, looking me up and down subtly and then moving to the side of the bed where the sheets were disturbed.

I now notice the detail that only one side of the bed was disrupted while the other stayed perfectly made. My own detail to lock away for later.

“But why? Who said it had to start like that?” My hands go up. She gives me a look like I should know the answer to that and I raise my eyebrows. “You think I’m to blame for our bickering and aimless fights?”

She scoffs, “I wouldn’t say aimless. There are definitely targets to be hit.”

“Cut the shit.”

“No shit to cut,” she counters quickly, sitting on the edge of the bed with one leg under her and shrugging.

“I’m trying to have an adult conversation, and you’re acting like an angsty teenager.” I deadpan, attempting to keep the twitch in my eye at bay.

“And you’re acting like a crotchety old man who demands my respect,” she shouts back. “Ever think maybe that could be the reasoning behind our never-ending feuds?”

“How could I? You don’t talk to me unless you're dissing me, fighting me, or attempting to make me look bad,” I give a large fake smile.

“Take a fucking hint then, Grandpa,” she enunciates her curse.

So I do. I backtrack our conversation and come to a conclusion. Maybe it's not an accurate one, but it's an idea nonetheless.

“You think I demand respect from you? When have I ever told you that you have to have respect for me?” I asked, more confused than angry now- but definitely not low in anger either.

She stares at me, contemplating her answer.

“Maybe we shouldn’t get into this,” she waves between us minutely, diverting her eyes to the bathroom door on the wall to the left.

“I won’t be able to sleep tonight if-”

“Not much different than most nights. Welcome to the crew,” she huffed, shifting to adjust her blankets over her in an irritated mood.

“Why are you so against talking this out?” I growl, forgetting all sense of mental clarity and stomping to her side of the bed, aggressively throwing her blankets off her. “Stop trying to go to bed and talk to me like an adult.”

“An adult?” She takes in a high-pitched breath and stands straight in front of me. “You’re the one who just threw my blankets off like a toddler throwing a tantrum because he didn’t get a cookie after dinner! Sorry to break it to you.” Her finger jabbed into my chest. “But I owe you nothing, Barnes! I owe no explanation. I owe no respect. I owe no reason for how I choose to act around you.”

I was pissed. Royally pissed, and yet… I couldn’t seem to see past the pure sadness in her eyes. The actual pain that she tried so hard to hide, but in her state- the state I had put her in- she was losing the battle. She was losing it and yet not breaking her eyes from mine, knowing I could see it.

My intensity shriveled slowly as seconds passed, and she didn’t try to fight the tremble on her lip.

“What did I do?” I asked softly, my hands instinctively coming to her arms, but the touch made her break the eye contact and turn fast, making my hands drop. “Y/N, what did I do?”

And I meant it. What had I done, and how could I change it?

Marvel Tags:

@thejourneyneverendsx @death-unbecomes-you @mythos-writes @srrymydood @xa-dia @redhairedfeistynerd @morganclaire4 @connie326 @captain-asguard @mollygetssherlockcoffee @teenagedreams-bucky @shower-me-with-roses @livstilinski @basicallylool @starryeyeseunbyul

My Lovelies Forever:

@natura1phenomenon @lauravicente @kakakatey @traceyaudette @notyourtypicalrose @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce @sandlee44 @thorne93 @thefaithfulwriter1 @essie1876 @greyeyedsmile14 @capsiclehan @xostephanie @averyrogers83 @awesomenursingstudent @gh0stgurl @cs-please @jjlevin @rainbowkisses31 @deannotmoose @their-bibliophile @kitkatd7 @willowbleedsonpaper @mariaenchanted @snffbeebee @couldabeenamermaid @rebekahdawkins @alyispunk @billyseye @hallecarey1

Bucky Barnes Tags:

@chloe-skywalker @charmedbysarge @jbarness @bellamy-barnes @katiaw2 @aikeia @stopjustlovethemcu @enchantedbarnes

Mr. & Mrs. Hunt Series:

@jackiehollanderr @mrs-bucky-barnes-73 @theroyalmanatee @wintrsoldrluvr @alexakeyloveloki @learisa @bxckybxrnes24 @lillianacristina @selella @heletsmelovehim

#bucky barnes x reader #bucky barnes miniseries #bucky barnes x avenger reader #mcu mini series #justkending #bucky barnes mini series #reader insert #mcu reader insert #bucky barnes reader insert #bucky barnes x reader insert #bucky fanfic #bucky barnes #marvel series #bucky barnes series #marvel fanfiction

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olderthannetfic · 1 day

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Obvious Disclaimer that this is not about any specific anon in particular, not about OTNF themself, but that my following rant might *slightly* punch down on people who ARE, well, older than net fics are.

But my honest opinion is that I really don’t like it when us old heads tend to sorta…talk down to? “Adultsplain”, if that’s even a thing? To The Gen Zs, by being like “damn kids! back in my day we never used our real name or posted selfies or posted about our personal life at all!” Don’t get me wrong, I’m one of those people who never posted the real me — but not because I was anonymous and cared about online safety, because I was a liar 😂 That being said, there ARE older people who definitely over-shared or “doxxed” themselves and still do, and there’s younger people who don’t!

I also feel like being “ha, these stupid KIDS who post about their FANDOM LIFE on TIK TOCK under their REAL NAME AND FACE where IRLS CAN SEE THEM, how STUPID” is not doing anyone any favors. Is that, technically, a smart thing for kids to do? No. Has it become normalized? Yes. And does that suck for people who might be bullied or outed or whatever cuz they genuinely are dumb and don’t know better and then someone they don’t like sees their stuff? Yes.

We all talk about how there’s no more kids spaces on the internet and how that’s a shame, but then five seconds later we’ll reblog that one “At any time I’m at risk of seeing a 14 year olds opinion and that’s why I hate it here” post. There’s really so few kid spaces on the net now, that’s true. We should extend empathy and let the teens be obnoxious and pretentious in peace, rather than making it a point to “ratio” or “roast them.” Idk personally I’d be completely unbothered if some 14 year old insulted my fic or my ship or whatever. I’d just block and move on, no need to try to argue with them.

And also, not all kids are even pretentious or obnoxious! I’m not saying we all need to take the kids under our wings, but we should be careful about not hating them just for being in their teens years, you know?

Also… telling a teenager to not post PII or not get into discourse or not have social media or whatever will NOT work the way you want it to 😭 kids are by default a little bit oppositionally defiant so telling some rando teen to Get Off Your Lawn (blog) rather than just blocking them, will encourage said teen to Stay On Your Lawn.

I just hate how it’s become normal for adults to talk down to teens online. I was harassed by adults online as a kid, then years and years and years later i went through my own “Older Than You™️”phase where I myself was a shit to teenagers, and I truly regret that so much. To this day I still need to make an effort to be careful. I saw on Twitter where an adult posted a DM from a 13 year old, mocking them. The DM said “I’m 14 next year, can I follow you? Please don’t groom me.” And the adult OP was laughing at how stupid the dm was. A few years ago, I would’ve been one of the people retweeting that and rolling my eyes at the child. Now im disgusted by the people who WERE laughing at them.

And again I’m obviously not saying we should be “nice” to the teenagers who mock us for our ships or who virtue signal too hard. But we also don’t need to make fun of their CARRDS or call them Puri-teens or rag on them just for being 17 or younger, yk?

Teens aren't 'puriteens' just for being young, dude. They have to also be puritanical bullies.

I find the stuff about real names hilarious because, actually, if you're really Internet Old™, then you probably did use your real name... it was right there in your university e-mail address! Or your random early ISP address if your stepdad got it for you and thought the university format was the default. Thanks, stepdad.

I've done every single dumb thing from going to meet my internet pen pal at an Alice Cooper concert to flying to Ireland from Japan to stay with a fandom friend I'd never met without telling anyone where I was going and without a credit card or enough cash to flee if I had to. I remember sitting on the plane thinking "Man, this is such a CSI episode topic".

The really funny part was that despite what she'd said before I visited, we ran into each of her parents at different times and ended up going to a play courtesy of her uncle, and all of them were like "So how do you know each other?" and "But you'd met before, right? RIGHT?!"

The level of panopticon is horrifying now. Teens have my sympathy. That part really is worse, and I think it's driving an entire generation nuts and we're going to see even more shit about people wanting to run away and live in a cabin in the woods with no internet. But in general, I don't think we're so different.

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danieyells · 2 days

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hi there,

thank you so much for all the voicelines you post !! if it’s okay, can i request subaru’s ?

thank you again !

You're welcome! At some point I might go back and put in the ones I leave out because they don't appeal to me as much lol but since i always end up posting 99% of them anyway I think it's enough for most people hahaha.

I WAS GONNA OMIT ONE OR TWO BECAUSE OF SPOILERS but eh i'll just warm for like. extra spoilers. since after doing more code peeking it wasn't the spoiler i thought it was. SUBARU IS A SWEETIE THOUGH. I also read Subaru's chats which were put in the code recently and. Man this guy needs anxiety meds. I have a small guess as to what his stigma is, but we'll learn in a few days anyway.

You've Got Mail:

"It looks like there's a notice for you. I'd be happy to go pick it up for you if you've got your hands full. Oh, forgive me if I'm overstepping."

oh no he's anxious about helping--

Default(no affinity):

"I really am so lucky to be surrounded by so many kind people like you."

"I never thought I'd get the chance to enjoy the lifestyle of a student until I came to Darkwick. Every day truly is fulfilling here."

it feels like subaru is like. . .the only one who actually enjoys school life here. . .or who really enjoys being here period lmao. . . .

"You think I'm always smiling? Ha ha, I hear that a lot. It just happens when I'm around all of you."

"I may be the captain, but it's just in name. I think Haku is much better suited for the job than me."

"I've been working since I was four, so people often said I was mature for my age. But the truth is, I've still got a lot to learn."

that makes two characters whose parents have essentially been keeping them from normal life and normal childhood for work reasons since they were four year olds. . . .

Affinity 1:

"I tend to just have hot water for breakfast. I know it would be better for me to eat a proper meal, but it's just so much effort."

DO WE REALLY HAVE TO START WITH "I NEED THE GHOULS TO EAT PROPER FUCKIN MEALS". . . .

Affinity 2:

"I'm sorry I'm so late. The campus is so crowded I can never manage to walk in a straight line, so it always takes me longer than I think. Silly, isn't it?"

baby you're hardly the first person i've met with anxiety about crowds. you're fine.

Affinity 3:

"What would I do without Haku's help? Hotarubi would be a mess without him."

Affinity 6:

"Ever since I was a child, the performing arts were my only focus. Maybe that's why people always say my mannerisms are so peculiar. It bothers you too, doesn't it?"

poor boy doesn't know how to act if he isn't acting. . .he doesn't know how to exist off-script. . .no wonder he made a deal with a demon. it's probably the first thing he's ever done for himself.

Affinity 7:

"I'd like to go to the cafeteria, but the line is always so long. I feel bad taking time to choose while people are waiting behind me. The bar of entry feels a little high."

i am once again suggesting subaru get anxiety meds. hell go to sinnostra and get some weed, i bet they sell that. i hear it can help.

Affinity 8:

"I'm just about to go and meet a friend. I hate to inconvenience you like this, but if it's something urgent, could you speak to Haku about it instead?"

Affinity 9:

"What am I going to do? We're supposed to be meeting up in an hour... If I cancel now, they'll hate me..."

Affinity 10:

"Whew... I'll walk you back to your house, FirstName. Oh, it's no problem at all, I assure you! I wanted some fresh air anyway."

Affinity 11:

"I have an Anomalous Ecology test coming up. It's such a fascinating subject, I couldn't help but stay up all night studying. Now I'm a little sleep-deprived."

Affinity 12:

"I'm going to stretch my legs a little. I might not have a show to practice for right now, but I need to keep putting myself through my paces. I'll get rusty otherwise."

Affinity 13:

"I'm sorry my phone's been making so much noise. I recently downloaded an app by mistake, and it won't stop sending me notifications..."

awww he's also technologically incompetent. . .poor guy was probably raised with such a heavy focus on his career he just. never needed a smartphone. anyone he needed to contact or who needed to contact him was probably always very close by. it sounds like he didn't even properly go to school before going to Darkwick. Somebody please take this boy on a walk. like anywhere. take him to a library. buy him a churro. can sho make churros? this is somebody who's never had any sort of normal social experience and sees how different he is and wishes it weren't the case, unlike Ritsu who assumes everyone else is like him, i think he'd like to have some more Experiences.

Affinity 14:

"... ...Oh! Hello, FirstName—I didn't even notice you there. My mind was somewhere else."

Affinity 15:

"Good morning! Sorry? My hair's messy? You're right, it's sticking right up at the front... That's embarrassing. I'll fix it right away."

Affinity 16:

"I usually have lunch in the dormitory. I do eat on the terrace with Lyca every now and then, but he seems so busy these days..."

Lyca is one of the members of Obscuary, btw! Seems like he and Subaru are friends.

Affinity 17:

"I didn't take you for a night owl, FirstName. Since you're here, I suppose I'll stay up a little longer. You're sure you're okay? You're not sleepy?"

Affinity 18:

"Do you visit Sinostra very often, {PC}? I see... Oh, no reason. I was just making conversation. Ha ha."

why do you ask that. . .a certain mafioso captain wouldn't happen to be suspicious of you would he. . .or maybe you owe them money. . .or maybe you used to be part of Sinostra and moved to Hotarubi. . . .

Affinity 20:

"Oh, I couldn't ask you to come all the way to my room to wake me up—I'd feel terrible. I do very much appreciate the thought, though."

it's okay buddy jin already makes them do it, one more pit stop won't hurt.

Affinity 22:

"Lyca has seen my message, so why hasn't he responded to it? I hope nothing bad has happened to him..."

Affinity 23:

"Lyca will adapt well to human society, I'm sure of it. I'm so relieved that Darkwick chose to trust him. I can't thank you enough for your help."

he really likes Lyca huh? that is his dog.

Affinity 24:

"You can't sleep? Then let me tell you some stories. Legend has it that evil spirits appear once you've told a hundred. Now, what number was I up to..."

BOY IS TRYNA GET YOUR ASS HAUNTED.

Affinity 25(max):

"I don't want to seem like I'm testing you, I just... I get really anxious sometimes... I'm sorry. I'm being weird, aren't I?"

he's the type to ask 'are you sure you love me? are you sure you wanna be with me?' after you get married and move in together and own a house and have two kids with another on the way. he's the hyper anxious 'i'm sorry we disagreed about our favorite colors do you hate me?' friend(affectionate)

Spring:

"There is no time like spring. Everyone seems more relaxed this time of year. It's reassuring to see."

"They have no control over whether they bloom, and yet they get made a spectacle of nonetheless... Oh, sorry—I was talking about the cherry blossoms."

"There are many different flowers growing in Hotarubi, but I think the wisteria are my favorites. This is the best time to see them, so you should take a walk around."

Summer:

"Hot today, isn't it? It's always raining in Hotarubi, so it does provide a little escape from the blazing summer sun, but... Ha ha. It is very humid, isn't it?"

"Summer makes me think of the ghost story Yotsuya Kaidan. The scene where Oiwa becomes hysterical, having realized her her face has been disfigured— incredible."

Yotsuya Kaidan is one of the best known japanese ghost stories! It's extremely violent, so read the summary at your discretion. The scene in question has Oiwa shown her reflection by her sister's boss to see that the cream she was given by a woman who was in love with her husband was actually some sort of poison that instantly scarred her face. She grabs a sword and goes to kill her, only for her to accidentally slit her own throat.

"Hotarubi House holds regular festivals during the summer months. If you need a yukata to wear, I'd be happy to pick one out for you."

"I don't mind scary stories, but when that biwa in the tea room started playing by itself, it did make me jump a little..."

slight spoiler, although you can probably figure it out from this but. . .Zenji is a ghost. Subaru currently can't actually see him or hear his voice. . .only Haku, the pc, and, perhaps not so oddly, Towa can afair. All of his youtube content doesn't have him or his voice in it because he can't be recorded by cameras. So Subaru doesn't realize that the biwa playing on its own is actually Zenji playing the biwa.

Autumn:

"The air has gotten crisper, and the leaves are changing color. I know it's only natural for the seasons to shift, so why does it make my heart ache so much?"

"Oh, these? They're some chestnuts I found. I know—I should give them to Sho. I'm sure he'll be able to make something delicious with them."

"That's another kuchikiri tea ceremony under my belt. It's an annual tradition where one cuts open a tea jar to reveal the tea that was preserved from the first harvest."

Winter:

"...Oh, FirstName. Good morning... I had a hard time getting up today. It must be the cold... Ha ha. Not very captain-like, is it?"

"Today, I'm going to order ingredients from one of my favorite stores so we can all make negima—tuna and scallion—hot pot together. Please, do join us."

"People say winter makes you want to snuggle up with someone, but I find that a good blanket does a much better job."

i agree that blankets are much easier to manage than people lol. probably warmer too.

His birthday:

"A present? For me? Thank you... I didn't expect you to do anything for my birthday, so I'm a little caught off guard. I really appreciate it."

New Years:

"Happy New Year. I hope I can depend on your guidance and support again this year."

Valentine's Day:

"Chocolate? Oh, It's Valentine's Day, isn't it? Does that mean these are for me...?"

nah i just wanted you to look at them. YES THEY ARE FOR YOU BBY. why would you be showing him chocolate if it wasn't for him! On any day, not just valentine's day!!

White Day:

"These are for you, FirstName. I put in a special order for monaka from my favorite confectioner in Ginza. They're wafers filled with bean jam—I hope you like them."

April Fool's Day:

"Earlier, Haku told me he was switching houses. It gave me a real shock— I'm very relieved that it wasn't true..."

i bet subaru made the most scared kicked puppy face and started apologizing for being such an awful captain and blamed himself for that haku would go to a different house and haku had to quickly explain it was just a prank for fear that subaru might burst into tears.

Halloween:

"Happy Halloween. I know it's nothing special, but I've prepared some treats for the occasion. Oh... But you're more than welcome to play a trick instead."

please don't trick him. april fool's day was hard enough for him.

Christmas:

"Merry Christmas. We already have our New Year decorations up in Hotarubi, so it has a real east-meets-west atmosphere now. I hope everyone is okay with it..."

Idle:

"Everyone seems busy at the moment. Maybe I should use this opportunity to tidy the garden..."

"{PC}? Oh... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to disturb you. I was just worried because you were so quiet..."

Absent:

"You're back... I'm so relieved. I was worried I'd done something to make you feel uncomfortable..."

this man shakes like a chihuahua 24/7. like you can taste the anxiety coming off of him. i love him. he's so pathetic(affectionate). i wanna squeeze his hand reassuringly and tell him everything's gonna be okay. i wanna hug him and pat his head. i wanna take him places so he learns more about the world outside of working. i wanna watch him do schoolwork excitedly because he's never really gone to school before and it's a new and exciting experience. i want him to experience the most mundane aspects of life with wonder.

good boy. yeah. get him anxiety meds /nodnod

#subaru kagami #tokyo debunker #danie yells at tokyo debunker #danie yells answers #danie yells with anons #tokyo debunker spoilers #datamining cw #OKAY TIME FOR BED WHEW

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bbbuckaroo · 10 hours

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Do you feeling the network, actors or crew members should speak up about the hate between the two ships?

More specifically like Ryan and Oliver? Since they are constantly posting about the Eddie ship. How Oliver only mention the buck/tommy relationship in interviews but never posts about them unlike how he posted Eddie content at least once a week.

The cast and crew are constantly tagged in things so at this point they kinda should have an idea about what is going on.

I personally don’t think they should have to speak up about it, maybe that’s an unpopular opinion but I honestly think they already do so much working their asses off to give us this show. I don’t think they have any obligation to diffuse this kind of drama because it’s just that - drama. I’m not saying what we’re saying isn’t important but at the end of the day, what matters most is them being able to do the job they love and do it well enough to keep it on the air.

I’ve mentioned it before but I don’t think Oliver is doing it to necessarily incite a fandom war. I think he knows how important and pivotal the Buddie FRIENDSHIP is but at the end of the day, he doesn’t want to alienate any fans regardless of their views. I think being on a show like this for so long and having said show be his/their main focus they want to make sure it continues to be the success it is.

Is this queer baiting? I’m personally not queer but I think it’s Oliver promoting a friendship that has been consistent and very accepted throughout the previous seasons. It’s been a successful plot point BUT any of his romantic relationships haven’t been. So he’s not going to be putting all of his effort into any relationship that may not last. I think we all anticipate it will BUT who knows if they’ve even written season eight so who the hell knows what will happen? So as much as he and Lou may want it to, it’s never guaranteed.

Now if we look at Tarlos and how much Ronen and Rafa have done PR for that, that has always been marketed as endgame. I mean when they (SPOILER ALERT) broke up we all knew they were getting back together. Breathe breathe breathe. I think Oliver and Lou could both promote their relationship that way if it lasts at least a season or two.

I definitely believe that at least some of the cast/crew know what’s going on here and other social media accounts. But it could honestly be career suicide to align themselves with one side or the other at this point. I think they are definitely influenced by it to the point of a comfort level promoting things. I may be talking out my ass but I definitely think the overwhelmingly positive comments on the award show reel had something to do with Lou reposting it. Obviously he’s going to promote himself but he had to see the comments and see the positivity vs. it getting taken over by those who shall not be named.

I’m sure the cast have their own opinions and desires and, call me crazy, I think we can mostly tell what they are or have some idea. They can hint and nudge but they really can’t say one way or the other or condemn one side. It sucks but it’s show business and it’s their livelihood which I think is overlooked sometimes. Ryan and Oliver honestly do have the right idea keeping their posts neutral and unbiased. Their friendship is awesome, a true show of healthy male companionship where they can be themselves and not hide their emotions.

Hit you know, god forbid that be a thing without it being a romance. The world needs to see more healthy male friendships and automatically making it romantic (and very sexual) does a disservice to it. But you didn’t hear me from me.

I’m a few margaritas deep, I need to behave myself. Thank you for the ask, I feel like all I do is ramble so I apologize. In closing, I don’t think they owe anyone a statement/choosing a side. We forget this is their JOB and their livelihood. And if we want to keep seeing their beautiful faces online, we need to understand that even though they may feel one way and essentially hint to the point of almost saying it, they have to stay neutral to keep the show going. Most we can do is support them and tell them what we love (not what we hate).

Thank you for the ask, sorry for the book. I think I need to start using bullet points. Y’all are awesome though, I love this discussion. It’s been so positive (thus far). And if it’s not you’re not gonna see it because that shit ain’t worth my time or anyone else’s. Rock on BuckTommy nation.

✌🏻❤️👨🏻‍❤️‍💋‍👨🏻

#911 abc #911 show #evan buckley #tommy kinard #bucktommy #lou ferrigno jr #oliver stark #tim minear #i know you’re here tim #you sly devil #positivity and praise #actors are people too #rent’s a bitch #especially in LA

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scaphismpriest · 1 day

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Tiktok is a cesspool of ableism against narcissists and usually I shake my head and roll my eyes, but i just saw a Tiktok comment that made my blood boil.

Keep in mind that this was on a cluster B safe post, and someone manages to think its okay to blame abuse on NARCISSISM. I am a person with BPD and NPD, im not going to get personal in my life because this is the internet and not everyone needs to know what ive fucking been through, but i know for damn sure that "narc abuse" is not a fucking thing and generalizes narcissists to be abusers and dangerous people. Sure, you can get abused by a narcissist, but you can also get abused by literary ANYONE, this is why you dont see people say "im suffering from blonde abuse" or "im recovering from christian abuse" because nobody in their fucking right mind would use someones appearance, race, mental health, religon, physical ability, gender, sexuality, ETC as a excuse to label and generalize a group of people to describe abuse. I had a ex girlfriend who would abuse me and she had BPD, I have a mother who also emotionally and verbally abuses me and shes schizophrenic. You dont see me say "im recovering from borderline abuse" or "im suffering from schizophrenic abuse" because that generalizes people with BPD and schizophrenia to be abusers. Do you see the fucking problem here yet? Oh but when its narcissists, or people with "scary mental disorders" like ASPD, then its suddenly okay to label us as scary abusers or dangerous people? Some of You claim to be advocates for mental health but when it comes to us then you suddenly give up because we're "too much for you to waste your time on" or that we're "Hopeless" and "Helpless" if you so called "Empaths", egotypicals, and neurotypicals actually gave a fucking shit about us, you would understand that we've also been hurt, we've been treated like shit and neglected by the world, we bite because we are scared, we are constantly in a battle of self hate and fake ego, we are insecure, we depend on attention and success to survive, we are neglected children at our core. if you really gave a shit about mental health and our well being, i wouldn't be here thinking "wow man i should really rid myself because the world views me as nothing but a monster so therefore i should off myself!" "but you've also hurt people!" I know, I am aware, I've already taken that accountabilty and MAJOR steps into becoming into a better person and have recovered greatly these past months and you dont know or understand me more than the people ive hurt personally, you dont get a say in what happens because thats NOT your ground to stand on and say whatever YOU think and ive had people disrespect that. I am FORTUNATE to even be loved and cared for still by the person ive hurt, and even I myself dont feel like I deserve that such mercy, I am forever grateful but It also makes me truly sad, not for myself, but for the person I love the most. I genuinely cried writing this, this is more so a vent but I hope someone sees this and atleast understand me on a true empathic level, instead of a perception. I hope i dont regret posting this, because this is the most youre gonna see me vulnerable for a LONG time.

#tickle's vents #actually npd #actually narcissistic #actually bpd #actually borderline

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beg-for-us · 3 days

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this is gonna be more of a pretty serious ramble about my sexuality than a hornypost

so, like, I'm asexual. Sexual images don't turn me on. But like, when I was 16 I discovered masturbation and how good it feels, and I quickly found out that I find some kinks pretty exciting. But I notice that I seem to have pretty strong post nut clarity.

Some time later I do some overthinking and realise I like CNC and being submissive and all bc it's thrilling. The same way many people find a good action movie thrilling. But like, I still masturbate about kinky fantasies.

Today, normal me and horny me basically have totally different desires.

Like, when I'm horny I yearn to be dominated and wish I had a partner and think about ordering sex toys, edging, etc. and "training" myself into the perfect toy/pet/whatever. But when the post nut clarity hits I don't want any of that and I realize how irrational it is and how to a certain degree porn has brainwashed me into being into some weird degrading shit.

And I just don't know what to do, tbh.

Like one moment I'm fine, have normal life goals etc. and the next moment I just wanna be someone's little denied pet that gets forged into whatever my owner wants and all thar horny shit.

And then I cum and feel horrible and become really rational and really hate my horny side.

And no, I don't "secretly crave it" whenever I'm not horny. I'm legit kinda terrified of how I don't seem to have full control over such desires and it's also kind of fascinating how I can have desires that just go radically against my rational thinking and common sense.

Idk, just felt like venting and like, asking, maybe you have some advice? Any comment? idk

If it means anything to my credibility here, I'm actually ace/aro myself and know a lot about where you're coming from with that, from personal experience.

I fully agree with the thing about porn. I think most people realize that it's not at all a reflection about what actual sex is like, but I'm not entirely sure to what extent people understand that it's basically all fake.

I've been part of the BDSM community basically since I turned 18, so that's almost 7 years now, and I promise that people in the real world are absolutely nothing like what you see in porn, or even people on the online BDSM community. Honestly, it just sounds to me like no one's ever let you know what the reality of those communities is like, so I'm gonna try my best to explain at least from my experience.

If it helps, the reason that most people will refer to BDSM stuff as a 'scene' is because everyone involved is aware that it's pretty much just acting. Like, people who do pet play are aware they're not actually dogs, it just gets them off to be treated like it. People who like slave/master stuff are aware that the person who's the 'master' in the scene does actually view the other person as an equal once the scene ends. CNC is fully consentual, and when done properly, has a safe word.

When I first started out, it was made very, incredibly clear to me that in any kink space, you're gonna spend a lot of time just talking. Before any scene, you talk about what your boundaries are. You talk about a safe word. You talk about what kind of things you do want to happen, and what kind of things you specifically don't want to happen.

I think maybe what you're lacking is aftercare. I primarily dom, so I can't speak from any sort of personal experience as a sub, but I have spoken to people who sub before who've expressed similar thoughts. Aftercare isn't just bringing bottled water, patching up bruises, and taking a shower. It also involves both parties talking about what just happened, if any boundaries were accidentally crossed, if something happened that they didn't know they liked/didn't know they wouldn't like, etc. Any degradation should be met with an equal amount of praise. Subs and pets get gently brought out of that headspace and back to reality. Aftercare like that is especially important for harder things like CNC, I literally can't imagine being a dom or sub in a CNC scene and not having like a talk afterwards, where you reassure the sub that you value their consent, and you reassure the dom that they didn't cross any lines, etc.

And I hate the 'secretly crave it' type shit too. No, not everyone wants to be kept as a pet 24/7. Not everyone wants to keep a pet 24/7. People who are into CNC aren't going around secretly wishing for something non-consentual.

Idk, my two cents is that some people require more aftercare than others, and you definitely sound like you would benefit from more aftercare. There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting weird shit during sex, but it's always good to get that reassurance immediately after as well, yk?

This is a link to a reddit post about self-aftercare. Maybe give some of these ideas a try, a lot of them seem like they'd be pretty helpful.

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crispy-kitten-princess · 19 hours

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If i ever were able to list all the things i dislike in Magisterium series, this post would've been endless. Instead, I'd mention smth i love so much that it makes me re-read the series for the fifth time and gives me inspiration for new drawings and playlists

The first one is aesthetic. I don't think I've ever read a YA book with the death and necromancy as the main lore theme. Also, the first book in series is so sweet and innocent compared to the fourth I can't believe it lol. Corpses. So gothic. So edgy. Love it

The second is very similar to the first - chaos magic. We come across elemental magic in all sorts of media, but they don't usually have the 5th element, or if they have it's more likely to be electricity or smth. Not ACTUAL NECROMANCY omfg... I love it. Also Makars being able to manipulate not only chaos (the void itself) but the soul.... Cute

So next. The main character ofc. Callum Hunt. What can I say he is such a cinnamon roll hating himself for what he is not. Screaming, crying, throwing up. I can feel his pain with every fiber of my soul he's so relatable. He is a type of chaotic neutral main character which is rare I guess, and at the same time he doesn't act like a total jerk and piece of shit. Can't name some other like him, idk. He's sweet but also edgy. His self-confidence is below the surface of the earth. He's just like me frfr my poor little meow meow. Also he is disabled and it influences the events of the book. Sometimes. Cool, representative. Not a disabled person myself but can appreciate it

Another reason for me to love the series is the changing of Call's secrets idk how to call this. The structure of his character lore. His secrets and abilities, they're layered.. you know... And every book one by one uncovers these layers: 1 - he uncovers that he is the reincarnation of Constantine. 2 - he gets his powers (which made Constantine evil at the first place). 3 - he learns more about Constantine's family, and the whole world finds out that he "is" the Enemy of Death. 4 - omg how much he uncovers here lol i can't. May be my favourite book thanks to its maaad vibe. Everything he learns here makes him closer and closer to Constantine. 5 - i know that most of the fandom thinks it was stupid to make Constantine himself a reincarnated thousand-years-old evil Makar. And i may agree. But in the moment of reading this it was so impactful for me idk why.... I literally cried idk!!! Lol. Love the moment where Call opens his memory to help his friends to fight wolves or smth, and PASSES OUT. KING. So, the other secret is uncovered here. Everything he learns makes him understand Constantine's/Maugris's motives, but he never ever becomes anything like them nor wishes to follow their path. Pretty symbolic and meaningful

Upd. SOME MOMENTS ARE FREAKING HILARIOUS

So what can I say? Every series has it's weak and strong points. Some of them become classic literature, some are forgotten in the abyss of YA books. I understand why Magisterium's place is with the second type of series, and it's not even saddens me anymore (we're so underground teehee). But i see many posts where the series is shitted over, and not much of posts appreciating the things that we actually love in it. Aren't they the reason you started and finished it sometime? So I'm here spreading positivity! And also because I'm so tired of being a fan of this shit so i tried to acknowledge all that i love, and why am i here in the first place

I think it's all for now, maybe I'll come with more ideas later

Fandom are you alive? Heh am I a Call kinnie to the point that i become necromancer?...

P.S. sometimes i think I'm so cringe to be periodically obsessed with this STUPID POOR-WRITTEN CHILDISH BOOK ABANDONED EVEN BY IT'S OWN CREATORS BUT I CAN'T HELP IT...... AND THE WORST THING IS THAT I DIDN'T EVEN READ IT IN MY EARLY TEENS (except the 1 which i read when i was around 13. Read it twice in one week so maybe that's the moment my brain was damaged) I READ IT WHEN I WAS 16 ALREADY aaarrrhh I'm so cringe. Why obsession why why why why why why i hate this but this is literally the only book which makes me cry and scream and feel every fucking time i re-read it even when i know EVERYTHING THAT'S GONNA HAPPEN LITERALLY EVERYTHING reading it all again for the 6th time FOR GODDESS SAKE WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME

#magisterium #holly black #cassandra clare #ya #callum hunt #i'm so done #I'm a hater #and i not even here for yaoi #i hate yaoi personally

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