#I am so tired of being allergic to medications | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

am-i-the-asshole-official · 3 months

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Am I the asshole for breaking up with my boyfriend?

I (32F) broke up with my boyfriend Jack (30M) a few months ago over a couple Issues I've been dealing with: I found out I have a degenerative issue with my eyes and will be going blind, and his dad hates me for being as he quotes "fat, uneducated, and bad with jobs". Note: I am infact obese, I do not have a college degree, and had lost my job 3 times in a row in 6mos before I hit the stable job I'm at now, due to mental breakdowns at work.

Jack has lived with his parents his whole life, and revers them greatly. However I can tell he's going through the same thing I did with my parents- Where they prioritized him getting good grades over his mental health, he constantly apologizes and thinks I will hate and abandon him over very simple things, he rather delve in games than face his problems, because he thinks he is comfortable when it's very much making him feel worse.

I cut contact with my parents 3 years ago for these exact same reasons- They were overbearing, abusive, and without another way to say it: extremely catholic. Because I was financially dependent on them and didn't know any better, I thought I could live with them as an adult because of how expensive housing is where we live.

Eventually I had to start getting therapy because I would have meltdowns so often in school, and found out it was the way that my parents treated me when I was younger, and that I have AuDHD- something my parents denied as me being too stupid and lazy to do anything after high school.I got on medication and though my ADHD improved, i had to continue therapy due to my Autism now having more time to focus and overwhelm me and having to learn to unmask. I've been told my personality did a 180 over this from peers that hadn't seen me pre-pandemic, but I'm happier now, and eventually found a way to move away from my parents and living with my Uncle instead, who instead of belittling me is encouraging my therapy.

I am explaining this, because Jack does the same things I do- he's almost the exact same as I was with my parentls. He has constant meltdowns and spirals, he thinks he's worthless because of the way his Mom and Dad treats him, yet he keeps putting his parents on a pedestal. It's because we seemed to grow up in the same kinds of environment that we bonded and eventually started dating last year.

Us openly dating did not last long, though, because when he introduced me to his parents they immedietely did not like me. They did not like that I wanted to help with dinner, or refuse eating chicken, because Jack is severely allergic to it. They also did not like that I wanted to clean the table and kept sidelooking at me whever we talked.

Because of this simple lunch, for months, they pressured him to break up with me but he wouldn't. He said he loves me as I am, and his parents are just stupid. We even had to start keeping the relationship secret, because his parents would harass him for coming to just pick me up, or meet me at a tennis court so we would play a game or two. His parents can track him through his car, so they always knew where he was.

I told him what I had to do to leave my parents house, but he said it's too hard to do that. My Uncle was sympathetic about this and even discussed with him to move into our house, but he refused that too.

Last month, I went to a vision doctor due to headaches and blurrier than usual vision, and found out that I would be losing my eyesight due to something going on within my eyes. Its extremely stressful for me, and dealing with that, and the constant harassment from Jacks parents, I got very tired. it was getting to the point where he couldnt go out without his parents yelling at him about me for something, we only hung out for once day per month. I didn't want to give them something else to yell about me at him, and I felt it would ease his stress because they would stop bothering him. And, though it seems weird, I hoped it make him uncomfortable enough to do something for himself. So I ended up breaking up with him.

It has really hurt to do this to him- He's someone I love dearly, and he's taken it way harder than I thought. He won't listen to me, But. He does listen to his friends- it's how he asked me out, and at least try out therapy, his friends hyped him up about it so he did it. I feel if his friends help him realize what he needs to do, he'll be more inclined to help himself than me just telling him. And if not, his friends are still there to back him up than me staying near him and having his parents harass him about it.

His friends are mad at me though, and told me I should have just put up with his parents, because in the end I am in love with him and that I actually made the whole situation worse, because he has loss motivation. Even though I am still talking to him and still there for him alongside his friends- I just make myself scarce so his parents don't know we talk. Am I the asshole?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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sassycheesecake · 3 months

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A/N: I have been really into dark romance and shit, ever since I got that TikTok recommendation. I hereby present yakuza!Shinsuke Kita x Reader. Part 1/2

‘Shit. Shit. Shit! I am late!’, you curse yourself as you almost bolt out of the train, as soon as it stops and its doors open.

You accidentally ran into a lot of people, shouting quick apologies over your shoulder, still running to your workplace.

Thank the heavens for your stamina.

Finally arriving at the Tokyo Ambulance Rescue Station, you quickly run inside and each of your coworkers stops what they are doing to look at you.

Huffing and almost wheezing like you’re having an asthma attack, you step inside and head to the female locker room without looking at any of your coworkers.

Already feeling disgusted by your sweaty state, you change into your paramedic uniform nonetheless.

Now in fresh clothes, you trot your way to one of the ambulance vehicles, seeing your friend Makima checking the equipment in the backpacks and making sure everything is filled up.

Gulping in nervousness, you approach slowly.

“Glad you decided to show up. Almost done.” Makima tells you in a deadly calm voice. Makima is one of those people who despise being late, whether it's herself or someone she is waiting on. She is only a few years older than you but still your superior. Great, this is just your first month after graduating but you were so tired last night that you forgot to put on your damn alarm for the next morning.

Not that this is an excuse, but your showing up is all that matters right?

With shaking footsteps, you make your way into the vehicle and start apologizing in a rant.

“Makima I am so so sorry, I promise it will never happen again!”, you frantically explain yourself, still out of breath.

The long-haired redhead briefly looks at you before bursting out laughing and you don’t know if this makes you feel better or worse.

Giggling, she closes up the i.v. medication backpack and storages it back underneath the cabinet of the bandages.

“(Y/N) don’t worry about it really, shit happens to all of us. No one is perfect and everyone here at the station was late once. Even me.” Makima explains and you can feel yourself being able to breathe easier already.

Just when you were about to reply to her, your beeper went off with a loud annoying peeping voice.

You run to the rack, where your black jacket with your name and the words T.A.R.S. are stitched into, and hop into the passenger seat of the vehicle.

Reading the screen at the front, you groan at the message that the fire station has sent you.

‘PATIENT PROB OD, TROUBLE BREATHING, UNCONSCIOUS, UNRESPONSIVE ‘

It’s probably the troublesome homeless teenager Denji again. You have met Denji twice now. Once beaten up badly and lying knocked out cold in an alley where he was found by a couple of passengers. The other time you found him almost bleeding to death due to a deep stab wound in his thigh, which he explained he simply got mugged.

Nonetheless, you press the buttons for the siren and the blue lights, while Makima steps on the gas to rush to the scene.

The rush and adrenaline are running through your system, making your heart bounce in excitement. Saving lives in acute situations is your thing! It’s a working environment that always comes with new foreign things and patients. Each day is different, which is exactly what your brain needs. Even if you have to drive through the massive city of Tokyo, the different kinds of people and the stories you get to tell your parents sometimes, are worth their shocking and even disgusting expressions sometimes.

Once you were called to a restaurant, in which a patient had an allergic reaction and went into a nonlethal anaphylactic shock.

The patient told you that his date was so horrible, that he purposely ate onions, even though he is allergic to them.

All just to get away from her.

Shaking your head, the logic of men never ceases to amaze you.

Arriving at the scene, you see two people leaning over a young guy that is laying on the sidewalk. He is already turned to his side, making sure in case he needs to throw up, he doesn’t choke on his vomit. Mentally thanking these people for performing the stable lateral position on the unconscious boy.

You grab the mobile vital monitor and the backpack that includes material for giving an I.V. including meds and an infusion.

Before Makima grabs the breathing and the medical suction pump, she turns off the siren but leaves the blue lights on. Pressing the lock on the car keys, the ambulance is securely locked. Unfortunately, people tend to break into ambulance vehicles and proceed to steal the medications.

Both women are rushing to the patient, quickly going through the ABCDE approach, and they manage to load him onto the stretcher after making sure he didn’t overdose. His heart is beating abnormally fast, his blood pressure is at 75/40 and when you shine a small flashlight to take a look at his eyes, his pupils are dilated.

There’s no doubt about it, that Denji got his hands on cocaine.

After giving him Adrenaline and Naloxone, his condition stabilises and Denji begins to stir.

Blinking his eyes open, a bright light immediately greets him and Denji swears he died.

He feels incredibly nauseous and his head is spinning like he just went on countless rides on a spinning wheel.

You hover over Denji’s pale figure, a vomiting bag already in your right hand.

“Denji? Can you hear me?” You ask him in a concerned voice.

When Denji was about to answer, he rapidly sits up and snatches the bag out of your hand, and hurls right into it.

Rubbing his back in a comforting manner, you sit beside him on the stretcher.

Makima is giving a quick report to their station boss, before joining you in the vehicle.

The sight of Denji vomiting disgusts Makima, deciding to wait outside because she can’t stand the smell or sight of someone throwing up.

“Denji, I think we should really take you to the hospital, you’re only 16 years old, where did you even get this stuff?” You ask him in a worried voice.

“It’s none of your business, let me out! I need to go!” Denji snaps at you, beginning to stand up.

You know you shouldn’t fight someone who just woke up from a drug rush, so you let him stand up.

Standing on wobbly legs, he places his hand against the vehicle wall to stabilize his balance.

Breathing heavily out of his mouth, he was about to open the vehicle door when Makima already beat him to it.

Surprised that he is up, she moves to the side to let him step out of the vehicle.

Denji almost falls flat on his face and his pale face makes you even more worried about him.

“Denji, are you sure you’re okay? Do you want us to call anyone?”

“Stop acting like you fucking care about me. I am just a street rat. I don’t need your pity! Just leave me the fuck alone!” He angrily spits at you, like a moody teenager that got his phone taken away.

Makima and you are watching him walk away, still unbalanced but both of you leave him be.

“You’re welcome by the way for not letting you die today!” Makima yells after him. Denji shows his middle finger up in response and continues to stomp away.

Sighing in defeat, Makima and you get back into the vehicle and you are making your way back to the station.

Giving the report that the patient refused to cooperate and come with you, you drive back.

The clock strikes 22:00 and Makima and you are finally free to change after the night shift has arrived.

Farewelling Makima goodbye, you begin to walk to the train station.

Having your headphones in your ear, you scroll through your Spotify playlist and choose ‘Glitter and Gold’.

You had a really busy day and barely had a chance to go to the bathroom.

Entering the women’s restroom, you look up from your phone, and the sight before you freezes immediately.

Right in front of you stands a very tall guy with sandy-blonde hair, he has to be at least 6’1 and he is holding a lot of tissues against his arm, blood soaking each tissue.

The stranger holds a painful expression while putting pressure on his arm.

His muscled body is leaning against the sink, the blood on his upper arm dripping down right into it.

Brown eyes rapidly look in your direction, his face shining with curiosity.

Chuckling nervously, he starts talking with his deep voice.

“Don’t scream, don't call for anyone. Just got a little scratch on my arm.”

Blinking a few times at his wound, you slowly step towards him.

Your approach is making him tense, his non-injured arm moving to his side, where he holds a dagger in case you want to attack him.

“Your wound looks pretty bad. Don’t worry I am a paramedic, I can take care of that if you want to.”

The blonde-haired giant looks at you for a few seconds, making sure you’re not lying.

After a few moments of tense silence, he nods unsurely.

Breathing out slowly, you awkwardly glance at the door and at him a few times.

“Uhm. Just follow me then, I need to take a proper look at it. I have my materials at home so come home with me so I can patch you up properly.” You explain to him.

His eyes watch you carefully, hesitantly he nods and puts his maroon jacket back on.

“Do you have a belt or something on you?” You ask him as you both exit the public restroom.

The tall stranger nods and takes off his belt to hand it to you.

Grasping the belt you begin to tie it around his arm, so the wound hopefully stops the bleeding until you both arrive at your place.

Wincing at the tightness, he thanks you quietly.

As you both begin to enter the train, which is thankfully empty around this time on a weekday, you ask him what happened to his arm.

“Not that's yer business anyway, so I’d rather not say.” He avoids your curious look.

“But that wound is pretty deep! You need to go to the hospital and get that stitched up probably.” You try to reason with him.

“I am serious. Drop it.” He snaps at you with an angry frown.

Accepting his request, you decide to drop it.

With nervous hands, you glance down at the metro floor and wait in silence to arrive at your destination.

Ten uncomfortable minutes later, you both arrive at the subway station that is close to your apartment.

Unlocking the door with your key, you enter inside and wait for him.

The blonde hesitates for a few seconds, glancing down the hallway nervously before deciding that you’re not a threat, and enters as well.

Gently closing the door, you urge him to follow you into your bathroom where your medical kit lies underneath the sink.

You direct him to sit on the edge of the bathtub and he complies without question.

“I need to see your wound properly in order to clean it up.” You tell him while putting on medical gloves and setting the necessary materials like the stitching materials, disinfectant wipes, and fluid, and scissors.

He winces while rolling up his sleeve to present you with his injury.

You start by taking a wet washcloth and gently dabbing it around the area, quietly apologizing whenever he hisses and flinches away from the touch.

As you are now able to see the injury better, you see that it’s actually a bullet wound, hence the bleeding was so heavy.

Shocked that he has this kind of injury, you remember that he doesn’t want to talk about how he got it.

“Lift your arm please, I need to know if the bullet is still in the muscle tissue.“

He gives you an incredulous look since lifting his arm would only worsen his pain. Nonetheless, he complies.

Quickly looking around his arm you don’t see an exit wound, closing your eyes in pity for the stranger, you know what you are going to say next, definitely won’t be easy.

“Let me guess. That thing is still in there.” He looks to the ceiling of your bathroom with a tight smile.

“U-Uhm yes. I told you to go to a hospital. It needs to be surgically removed. I really recommend it Mr….”, you drift off as you don’t recall knowing his name.

He looks at you and realizes he’s never introduced himself to you properly.

“Name’s Atsumu Miya, ya can call me Atsumu.”

Later on, Atsumu enters the familiar door of the headquarters of the ‘Fox Den’ and lets out a heavy sigh.

The pent-up frustration from the fight with Karasuno, the pain, and the treatment that he had to bite through with you is making his body insanely tired from exhaustion.

Nonetheless, he needs to give a report to his boss, the leader of the Inarizaki gang of Hyogo.

Atsumu walks down the hallway that has multiple doors connected to it and since it’s awfully quiet, Atsumu guesses that most members are either asleep or away on missions.

Entering the lift at the end of the hallway, he presses the ‘5’ button for the conference rooms and where also the office of his boss.

Swinging back and forth on his heels, Atsumu waits until the elevator stops and continues his path to the room of the leader of Inarizaki.

Once he arrives at his destination, he knocks first, before entering.

“Hey Kita, 'm back from the mission." The blonde says when he steps into the office.

A man who has silver hair with black tips in it, is sitting at the desk and he briefly looks up from his laptop with a stoic face, before looking down again, continuing to type something down.

Ignoring the warm greeting of his boss, Atsumu plops down on one of the chairs in front of the desk and puts his arms behind his head to stretch.

Unfortunately, he completely forgot about the injury on his arm, immediately putting the injured arm down again with a winced hiss.

The head of the gang looks at his trusted friend before a slight frown of concern decorates his face.

“What happened?“ he asks in a calm voice.

“Oh, you know the usual. Just some fuckers from Karasuno in our territory and one of them fucking shot me.“ Atsumu explains while gently rubbing over his arm, feeling the wrapped bandage from you underneath his jacket.

His frown deepens at the mention of their rival gang, the Karasuno crows, but listens quietly.

“Do you need medical attention? Do you want me to send Ginjima or Riseki up?“ He continues to question him.

“Nah, I am good Kita. Got stitched up by this cute girl that I met while I was bleedin‘ out like a pig in a women’s restroom by the train station.“ Atsumu pulls his sleeve to reveal the bandage.

Kita glances at the bandage on his friend‘s arm, a mix between concern and anger but also suspicion haunts his face.

He slowly gets up from his chair and rounds his table with slow steps, making his way toward the older twin.

The injured man looks at him with curious eyes while raising his eyebrow in confusion.

The silver-haired man stares at one of his most trusted right-hand man with a neutral expression and puts his arms behind his back.

“Tell me more about this mysterious medic girl.“ He demands.

Atsumu grins mischievously at his boss and begins to tell him about his fight to the encounter of meeting you.

Yawning, you stretched out your exhausted limbs and climbed into your comforting blue soft blankets. The feeling of your head hitting the cushy pillow makes you sigh in bliss. It was a long day, first the rowdy patients, then getting vomited on by a drunk homeless person that almost overdosed, and then there was the injured blonde-haired stranger you met tonight. You’re not going to lie, it was a whole mountain of stupid to just invite a stranger over to your apartment. Anxiously, you remember, that he mentioned he didn’t want to go to the hospital to get patched up because he needs to stay anonymous.

The only question is…

Why does he need to do that?

Your thoughts are interrupted when your phone vibrates with a message. You curiously pick it up to see what the notification is.

Eyes widening in shock and also a concern, you glance at your screen.

Unknown number

‘Thank you for taking care of my friend. I would like to repay you some time for your kind service’

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu!! x reader #haikyū!!#hq x reader #hq fluff #inarizaki #shinsuke kita #kita shinsuke x reader #kita shinsuke #yakuza!au #yakuza #haikyuu mafia

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headintheclouds-posts · 1 year

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Hiiii, how are you? 😀 I've been feeling pretty sick since Tuesday because I have allergic rhinitis so, if your requests are still open, can you please write a JungKook x reader with the timestamp [15:28] where he's taking care of Y/n because they are sick? (Y/n could be sulking and crying because they don't feel better even after taking their medications 😞). Thank you in advance, take care! 🫶

Hello my lovely, I hope you’re feeling better. ♥️

15:28:

You look at the time on your phone, shocked that you managed to stay awake this long as all you could think of was climbing under the covers and blocking the world out. The past several days you felt as though you were coming down with something. Initially you had started with a slightly itchy nose causing you to occasionally sneeze but now your nose was fully blocked and your eyes were sore and watery.

Luckily you were working from home today and your boss had finally persuaded you to switch off your laptop and get some rest, something that your body was begging for.

You allowed your body to hit the mattress and you pulled the covers over your head to block out any form of light that could cause your banging head to get any worse. As you snuggle further into the warmth of your bed, you fail to hear the bedroom door open and soon after you could hear your name being called from outside your cocoon.

“Y/n” the voice calls out.

You slowly drag your tired body up to look your boyfriend in the eyes. Upon seeing your face he can’t help but feel concerned and the neediness to be taken care of suddenly hits you.

“Oh my poor baby” Jungkook cooed pulling you into his warm chest, rubbing his finger tips into the small of your back.

You had managed to hold it together absolutely fine so far, but now in the presence of the person you love, you can’t help the emotions that take over and your bottom lip starts to tremble.

“I’m so sorry I didn’t realise you weren’t yourself, work has been so busy the past few days and I should of been paying you more attention” he exclaims pulling you even further in, so you were curled up into his warmth.

“It’s fine baby, it’s not your fault. I just need to…” before you can even finish your sentence he cuts you off and lifts you to look into his loving doe eyes.

“No, you don’t need to do anything, I am going to take care of you. All you need to do is rest and I will wait on you hand and foot” he proclaims, causing you to smile at his words.

His hands find their way up into your hair as he guides you towards his lips and presses sweet kisses to your face before laying you back down and wrapping the covers around your body. Though it was a loving action, you automatically reached your hands out towards him, missing his touch already.

“I am just going to get you some medicine and water and then I will be straight back, can you wait just a few minutes for me” Jungkook smiles as you nod sulkily.

He soon returns with some warm soup and a large bottle of water. “Take these” he says, holding out his hand to provide you with some painkillers which you drink back with the crisp water.

“Thank you” you sigh out, resting your head back on the pillow as the exhaustion slowly creeps further on to your tired body. It wasn’t long before Jungkook slid under the covers next to you and motioned for you to rest against his chest. His body was warm and comforting which helped lull you further towards your dreams.

“You don’t have to stay here with me” you mumble, rubbing your nose against him, “I know you have loads to take care of”.

He sighs and presses a kiss to your forehead. “All those things can wait, at the end of the day all that really matters is you, so sleep my love and I will be here when you wake up”.

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bunnakit · 5 months

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man last twilight hit me particularly hard today and i'm still crying after finishing the episode.

i spent a good chunk of my day at my specialist today and it wasn't great. my disease is getting worse. my weekly shots aren't enough anymore. i'm so tired and i can't stop fucking crying.

my immune system is fucked up, i produce too many white blood cells and those white blood cells have chosen to attack my skin. it leaves me with holes across my body - some of my wounds are now over a year old. when they heal they leave atrophic scarring - but they aren't even healing anymore.

the specialist gasped at the sight of me today. (i'd never seen her before, my state of being was new to her.)

"you're bleeding."

"i know."

"you're bleeding like, a lot."

"i know. i take iron supplements, it's okay."

"it's going to get all over your pants."

"it's okay."

"are you in pain?"

"yes. i'm used to it."

"are you in a lot of pain?"

"yes. it's okay."

she was so concerned, so alarmed, and i couldn't help but just smile and laugh it off. if i don't i'll end up like i am now, sobbing at my desk hidden away from my family because there's nothing they can do for me, they'll just hug me and say they're so sorry, they wish there was something they could do. but there's nothing anyone can do, this is just my life now.

"how often do you take your shots?"

"every friday."

"the recommended schedule for that medicine is once every two weeks"

"yes, they increased the frequency for me because i'm stage 3"

"and you never miss a dose?"

"no, i take it on schedule every week."

"i don't think it's working anymore."

i try to be strong about it, most of the time i am - this is just my life now, wallowing about it isn't going to fix it. i'm stage 3, the only thing that will fix it is a cure, but that doesn't exist yet.

i recently had to buy those washable period underwear because one of my year old wounds just won't stop bleeding and i'm so tired of washing the blood out of my pants. i've gotten so good at preventing bloodstains. (a mix of dawn dish soap, water, and baking soda as a pre-soak works wonders)

i bought an antimicrobial soap in bulk last week to prevent infection. it dries out my skin, but it's not as bad as the diluted bleach baths. i have to start using 10% benzoyl peroxide as a body wash. "do you have a fever?"

"no, i check regularly."

"your wounds are really deep, we're worried about you potentially going septic."

"i'm very careful and keep them clean."

i buy bandages and tape in bulk. my allergic reaction to the tape adhesives are the lesser of two evils. sometimes they get so bad i bleed, but it's just an abrasion. it's okay.

and now i have to take another round of antibiotics that make me nauseous.

and they're changing my medication. i'm 'lucky,' a new medication was approved by the FDA recently that shows good results in reducing the symptoms of my disease. but how long will it be before i don't respond to that anymore?

it's another biologic, an immunosuppressant shot, and i'm sure just like last time it's going to make me so, so sick. adjusting to biologics is so hard, it's not totally unlike low dose chemo (obviously there are differences) and last time it made me sick for weeks.

i don't want to be sick. i don't want to take these antibiotics that make me nauseous. i don't want to keep scrubbing the blood out of my pants. i don't want to use the soap that dries out my skin. i don't want to wear perfume to cover up the smell of my dying flesh. i can't even have sex with my husband. we recently went a year without having sex and i know he understands, he gets it, but i can't help but think part of him resents me. we got together when i was 22, when my symptoms were still mild, i got my diagnosis at 25. i quit my office job and lost my insurance. we eloped at 27 so he could add me to his insurance and i could afford my treatment. his family spent the next year asking why we were in such a rush to get married, we didn't know how to explain to them it was because my doctor was preparing to declare me completely disabled.

i don't want to be in pain anymore. it's been almost 10 years.

i'm okay, i'll feel better tomorrow, maybe even in a few hours, but i can see why people kill themselves over this. i'm so tired. i'm so defeated. i have to hope there will be a cure someday, something better than just pushing down the symptoms.

if you read this far thank you. like i said, i'm fine. i just wanted to get my thoughts and feelings out and i'm bad about talking to my family - they worry too much, pity me too much.

#personal #like very personal #cw gross medical shit #cw talk abt my sex life #or lackthereof #cw disease #cw medication

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onesaltyerik · 5 months

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Mother: I'll pick you up tomorrow morning for a breakfast!

Me: cool, thanks! (expects her to arrive at around 8-9am)

Mother: (6am, two hours after I fell asleep) I'm here! Let's get breakfast! (Nothing is open except the gas station.)

(She doesn't want to go in. She's tired. Like genuinely this woman has not slept in what looks like days. She doesn't want to eat anything either because her 'blood sugar is too high'. I offer her my blood sugar medications so she can eat something {we take the same stuff at the same dose} she says no. I go in and buy my own birthday breakfast from the gas station. I buy sibling's breakfast as well since they had no idea what the plan was and were kinda dragged along and thought that mom would buy them breakfast so they didn't bring their money.) Me:..............I'm giving you the bill for the kiddo. Mom: why? Me: (why do you think?!)

(We get back to my place. She insists I try on the clothes she brought for me. She does not want to go inside the house. I have to try on the clothes in the car. Patience is fading, social battery non existent, my mornings meds have not kicked in. I finish trying on the clothes and tell her I'm going to bring them inside. She wants the plastic bag back? The one she brought them in? Because it's expensive? Said bag has a broken zip and will not close. I do not understand. I take kiddo with me to my house and tell mom to nap in the car. She does not want to. NOW, she wants to go in the house with me. I have roomates who are still asleep. It's only 7am now. I am only going to take kiddo with me cause I know they know my roomates well enough to be okay with them suddenly showing up. I insist she takes a nap and that I will bring her some coffee. She says it will make her blood sugar go up. I tell her I will bring her coffee with no sugar or milk. She still insists it will make her blood sugar go up. I offer her my medicine once more, she says she's allergic. {?} I take kiddo inside with me. I'm not dealing with this at this hour of the morning.)

(Kiddo spills the fuckin TEA, mother is definitely losing it and did not tell kiddo about the morning plans. Did not tell kiddo about them being invited to breakfast and just dragged them along. Had told kiddo to be the one to call me to wake me up because "he's grumpy when he wakes up and I don't want to be the one to be snapped at". Dude. Dude what? Kiddo tells that both mom and dad are now fully diabetic. And refuse to take any medications for it. Or regulate anything themselves. Cool. Great. {sarcasm}.)

(Kiddo and I hang out with the one roomate who is awake and put new clothes away, got some sick hunting shirts from grandpa with awesome deer and elk printed onto them. And some woven wool coats. The three of us eat our gas station breakfast and coffee and talk about kiddo's new fav book that is incredibly gay and hell yeah good for them! We talk about anime we both like, stories about how we made friends in preschool-gradeschool-middeschool and how it sucks to be an adult {kiddo just turned 18 and adulthood punched them in the face and they hate it and I don't blame them}. I tell kiddo they are more than welcome to come live with me if mom and dad are too much to deal with. Group hug. Kiddo goes home with mom once mom has finished her supposed nap. {I don't think she actually slept in the car, I don't think she slept at all.})

So that was my birthday morning. Woooo. I guess.

#birthday #birthday chaos #what the fuck #who just shows up at 6am for breakfast?#nothing is open at 6am!#i don't want to sound ungrateful #i really don't #i love my family #but it's getting harder and harder each year to connect with them #they're refusing to take care of themselves #and then blame their poor health on completely random factors #i swear they're not even allergic to their medication #they just don't want to take it #i feel like a parent trying to keep them from offing themselves through bad decisions with health #why do i have to be the parent of two 60 year olds?#da fuck?#i'm so tired #i really hope sibling is okay #they looked so done with everything

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ravynfyre · 3 months

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“Sleep that knits up the raveled sleave of care, The death of each day's life, sore labor's bath, Balm of hurt minds, great nature's second course, Chief nourisher in life's feast.”

so, like, i am well aware that this is Not A Good Thing. but, true to the crux of the matter, i find that i am apathetic at best that i find no joy in much of anything right now. retail therapy is fun, but it's a crutch, and a pretty bad one at that... but everything else is very... meh. i'm not sleeping well. i'm on day... 10? 11? 15? of not being able to sleep until at least 3am or later, and it feels like each day it gets a little later than the day before. except for tonight, when it just completely went tits up and it's now 7am, with only about 45 minutes of sleep at 1am under my belt. (the first time in weeks that i crashed as soon as i went down... and it didn't even last an hour) when i try to sleep, i'm cold. i'm hot. i'm cold AND hot at the same fucking time. everything hurts, but it hurts in a way that seems... not significant enough to bother taking the advil and tylenol that are pretty much my only recourse for any levels of pain, due to being allergic to all but the most powerful narcotic analgesics, which no sane doctor would prescribe to me for my (life-altering but still somehow) "minor issues". reading fic is meh. writing fic is meh. drawing is meh. work is extra meh. youtube is meh. walking the pasture is meh. exercise is meh. even eating is meh, and i tend to self-medicate with carbs so that's especially concerning. except i don't care. the taste of water makes me feel sick, like a cannonball just wallowing in my gut. the only thing that does taste good, that quenches at all, is my one-mt.-dew-a-day, which i am cheating and having early in the hopes that the dose of caffeine will either spin me down enough to sleep, or spin me up enough to not feel so fucking exhausted. doesn't seem to be doing either just yet. i cuddle my dogs, which helps, but it's just... not enough, and even that becomes meh. not the dogs. i love my dogs. but the... activity, and the doggy expectation, and the way they worry for me. it feels like i'm failing somehow, and that makes even that failsafe meh. i am tired of getting snatches and snippets of songs stuck in my head so hard that i literally cannot get my brain to stop playing the same few bars over and over and over long enough for me to pass the fuck out. i just need some sleep, but i am so fucking tired of sleeping in until noon because i didn't manage to get TO sleep until, like, 4 am or later, and when i do sleep, waking up and just... not wanting to get up. not wanting to BE up. when i DO sleep, most of my dreams are nightmares, with the occasional night terror thrown in for shits and giggles. if it's not one of those, it's something so fucking random and weird that i find myself desperately trying to cling to sleep to finish the story out, because it's *interesting* in a way that nothing else has been for a while. there is so much work that needs to be done around my house and my farm, but i just don't have the energy or the give-a-shit to do it. i'm doing what needs to be done to keep everything else alive... but i... i just want to stop.

and i'd really like to get some sleep.

#mental health crap #UNgood mental health crap #meh #should probably ignore #just needed to get it out

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kitxkatrp · 3 months

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I'm having a meltdown and need to rant. I'm sorry if this upsets anybody, so I'll be putting it under the cut.

So I'm having issues with not being able to handle my mood swings again, for one. A bunch of things keep happening and its making me feel like I want to fucking die again and because its bipolar moodswing I can do nothing but ride it out because nothing I've learned and no medicine can help me stop an episode when it fucking starts.

So not only did I have to emergency buy another computer (which I had to borrow MONEY to pay for), but i got it and it barely works. But because I couldn't afford the warranty, I'm now out 400 dollars.

AND

I'm getting bit in bed again, which means my neighbors have given me bedbugs, AGAIN. If you weren't here for the first three or four times, this is the like fifth time in the span of a single year and they refuse to treat your apartment unless you can actually catch one, but refuse to do a proper inspection. They walk in, lift up your sheets, and say "there's no bedbugs. You're obviously just wrong and it's fleas from your pet" and then leave. They don't check cracks, crevices, and all other spots that bedbugs live. Also one fell out of my bathroom vent, so I'd bet anything thats where the fuckers are coming from. They refused to treat my apartment before for over a month until I caught a live bedbug, walked into their office, and slammed it down on their fucking desk and said "tell me its my cat and fleas again. I dare you."

Also I am excruciatingly allergic to bedbug bites, so they swell up and get all nasty and sometimes infected. They itch so maddeningly bad that you have to constantly put cream on them. I am almost out of cream.

Also I paid all the money I had yesterday for fucking groceries, only to realize today that I am low on garbage bags and I'll have to borrow even MORE money from my partners this month to just make it to the next month.

Comcast doubled my bill and refused to lower it.

My disability got raised, but because of it, they docked my food stamps again so I'm essentially just as fucked as before.

I couldn't afford valentines gifts for either of my partners or a birthday gift for scottie so I feel like a terrible partner.

I am having moments of hearing voices again which happens when I am so physically and mentally stressed that my bipolar is unable to cope.

I am almost out of allergy medication. I could not afford it this month. It's almost 30 bucks for a pack that lasts a month. It is the only thing that works and I can't even take it every day cause then it stops working. I am allergic to dust mites (the things that live in your bedding), and my own cat, which did not develop until after I got my cat. When I lay down, half the time I start having an allergy attack from my own sheets.

I could not afford to get my back cracked this month so I get to be in : ) a fantastic amount of pain because it costs me 40 dollars per crack and that is with my disability discount because medicare doesn't give a shit about me or you.

I finally broke down today and called and asked to be put on the waitlist for the other apartments that have less bedbug issues, but got rushed off the phone and hung up on by the secretary before I could ask any questions about the pricing differences or anything. And because I can't guarantee that they won't come inspect my apartment or come harass me to ask me why I want to switch (remember kids, low income landlords are not your friend and will harass and threaten to put you on the street at every possible turn), I just had to speed clean my apartment which caused me a ridiculous amount of pain.

My back hurts, my ankles hurt, I can't stop crying and I just want to die right now. I'll probably be okay in a few hours, but fuck man I'm tired.

#{ Kitten Speaks }#tw: mun rant #tw: suicidal thoughts

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gingerteaonthetardis · 11 months

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hi, I read your tags on your post about getting an allergic reaction (hope you're okay btw!) and they sounded familiar: the spike of anxiety, difficulty breathing and weird heartrate are things I've also had. the times it's happened i've always chalked it up to a panic attack despite there not being anything to trigger it. you mentioned something about blood pressure, and low blood pressure runs in my family. if ur comfortable could you explain a bit more? (feel free to ignore if not of course)

hey, nonny!

so, i am definitely not a doctor or in any way medically educated, and i can't comfortably give much in the way of advice. particularly not when it comes to low blood pressure, as i have the opposite problem.

i can really only say that i have had significant reactions (changes in heartrate, blurred vision, alternate shallow breathing and gasping for breath, a sense of impending doom, feeling like my throat is closing, numb/cold limbs, dizziness, mental fog) when i have taken certain medications and the common thread, historically, has been that those medications are known to cause a jump in blood pressure. i already have hypertension (high blood pressure), so it makes sense that things like decongestants, NSAIDs, bupropion (all things i have foolishly tried that are medically known to spike blood pressure) have caused... well, sometimes very scary reactions for me.

calling what was happening an 'allergic reaction' when it's actually just 'rare and dangerous side effects/overdose symptoms' (i'm not joking! i was apparently having overdose symptoms after two days of the standard regimen recommended on the bottle akdhskshdks)—ANYWAY, it was probably needlessly hyperbolic of me, but i was really just clowning on my own post, lol.

nonetheless, 0/10. pretty much identical symptoms to the time i literally—accidentally!!!—poisoned myself. and i hated that, too. also very similar to past panic attacks.

on that note: i also have a history of panic attacks and they can genuinely come out of nowhere and seemingly be triggered by nothing, in my experience. you might be experiencing them on a kind of delay, reacting in a way that feels almost disconnected from whatever caused the attack, because that's how long your body took to catch up. or they could relate to blood pressure! or they could relate to some other medical factor i'm not aware of. seriously, the possibilities are many and highly varied and i'm not qualified to comment, i'm so sorry.

if it's a serious concern for you, though, i highly recommend talking to your doctor about it and trying to suss out if there's something medical going on. or if you're in the u.s. and live near a pharmacy, some of them have those little pressure cuff machines where you can sit there and check your blood pressure for free. that could be a good starting point.

okay, i have to stop typing and close my eyes because i am so sleepy sooo very tired still. but thank you for your concern, dear nonny, and i hope this was even remotely helpful!

#medical tw #abbey.txt

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geeknik · 4 months

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My end of the year review is a hopeful look towards 2024 because 2023 will go down as the worst follow-up to a bad year ever.

August 2022, Dad passes.

November 2022, Wife t-boned in an Oklahoma City intersection; diagnosed with a traumatic brain injury.

15 January 2023, I am transported by ambulance and admitted to the hospital for trouble breathing & walking. 🚑 I am diagnosed with Influenza A and Pneumonia which was the trigger for a rare condition called Guillain-Barré Syndrome. It’s where the immune system decides the peripheral nervous system is the enemy and attacks those nerve endings. 🦠

Medically induced sleep, ventilator, feeding tube, PIC line.

23 January 2023, wake up on a ventilator and find I am completely paralyzed from the neck down. 🥺 While I was asleep, I was treated for ventilator pneumonia, had a blood transfusion and 5 rounds of plasmapheresis. Basically, they replaced my icky blood plasma with nice fresh plasma from the blood bank. 🩸

26 January 2023, extubated and off the ventilator for about 3 hours when I suffer cardiac arrest and briefly die. 10 chest compressions plus a shot of something and I’m back on the ventilator when I wake up again. 💀 They said I had carbon dioxide poisoning, which caused the cardiac arrest. Now there is talk of a possible tracheotomy if my body refuses to tolerate being off the ventilator. That would have meant shaving off my 13 year beard. And being moved to a long term care facility. I’m against all of these ideas. 🤬 Months after my release, the nurse manager of the ICU assured me that shaving off the beard would have been absolutely avoided. 😍

A week or so later, they remove the ventilator once more, but this time, thank fuck, my body remembers how to breathe. I’m starting to regain movement in my fingers and toes and then I can lift my arms and legs. The nerve pain is un-fucking-bearable.

I’m awake! And still bearded! Huzzah! 🎉

15 February 2023 left the ICU, transferred to an inpatient rehabilitation hospital right next door, where I, in my 40s, have to learn how to walk again.

15 March 2023 A very long and exhausting 30 days later I go home with a walker but within a week or so I’m pretty much walking on my own. During my time in the rehab hospital we discover I am incredibly allergic to Lyrica. 🫠 I won’t go into detail but let’s just say it was the worst bad trip ever.

I lost ~40 pounds on the ICU diet. Fast forward to today and I’m about 90-95% of where I was a year ago although I still have a lot peripheral nerve pain, balance issues, and I’m always tired. Thankfully the nerve pain is nothing like it was in the ICU.

My beard and I going through some things.

In the end, I am incredibly lucky to have the love and support of my wife, my mom, my sister, my nieces, and of course my Internet hooligan friends, and last but definitely not least, my #spiderSilk🕷️🕸️ family, there to help me persevere and make a speedier than expected recovery. ❤️‍🩹

I am hopeful that 2024 will be the year I shrug off GBS for good. 🤙🏻

I’m not crying, you’re crying.

#ko-fi #kofi #geeknik #nostr #art #blog #writing #icu #gbs #guillain-barré syndrome #guillain barre #influenza #pneumonia #gofundme #health problems #healthy #intensive care #rehabilitation #rehab hospital

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bibiopic · 6 months

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medical cw kinda gripe below

so i get migraine headaches... nothing new there. because i react badly to regular triptan use, those are reserved for The Big Ones TM, like i have to be at work in three hours and can't move Big Ones. i generally have to stick to nsaids like acetaminophen for pain management - have been doing for around 25 years, liver is OK, not taking any questions on that. i also have eczema, but don't experience flare-ups much. i've had a handle on my skin problems for a while now and usually know what to do or how to change things up if my skin starts to itch or hurt. if you're with me so far, thank you very much. i know it's a lot.

last week, i had an allergic reaction to some dust mite-type crap, and because i wasn't thinking clearly (tired! ugh!) i scratched the irritated skin. big no! that's like rule number one, don't scratch that shit. got hives pretty much right away. have had to take benadryl to keep the swelling and redness down, on top of which my skin is Awake now and i'm itching pretty much everywhere. unfortunately, benadryl makes my head feel too tight because aside from being a powerful antihistamine that brings a lot of people relief from allergic reactions, it is a deliriant. ALSO... it turns out, over-use of nsaids can give people hives.

this is my extremely roundabout way of getting to the point that i am avoiding nsaids to treat the secondary pain from the headache i have had for two days and have to keep giving myself to not tear my skin off. bark bark bark bark bark

#tldr bodies suck #ready to be a robot

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alsjeblieft-zeg · 7 months

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467 of 2023

When was the last time you shaved your legs?

Never.

What were you doing this morning at 8 am?

Taking my morning medication.

What were you doing 15 minutes ago?

Another survey.

What are you wearing?

Red hoodie and black wide leg pants.

Are you mad at anyone right now?

No, I'm not. No reason whatsoever.

Last person to say they loved you?

I can't even remember lol.

Last time you kissed someone?

Earlier today, when my husband was leaving for work.

Do you know the words to the song on your MySpace profile?

This is not Myspace. Anyone still uses it, by the way?

Last thing received in the mail?

A package for myself, and one for my husband.

Have you ever gotten naked in a public place?

Lol no. Not even on a nude beach, and there's one in my country.

How long is your hair?

Short, but already too long for my tastes.

How many different drinks have you had today?

Just one, and not even full. I only used it to swallow my pills.

Are you any good at math?

Yeah, but I like physics more.

Do you have plans for Saturday night?

Yeah, grocery shopping. Hopefully in France.

Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

Of course, he's my husband after all.

Are you dating or single?

I'm married, I win.

Have you ever been awake for 48 hours straight?

Yeah, when I was young. Not a smart idea.

Do you like the lights off or on?

Definitely on. I like lots of light in the house.

What are you excited about?

Visiting my family, whenever it is.

What did you do last night?

Sleeping, what else.

Are any of your great-grandparents still alive?

No, and neither are my grandparents.

Where do you keep your change?

In a tiny wallet, but I rarely use coins.

How has your week been?

Good so far. Lots of travel.

Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?

I feel I've answered this question yesterday.

What was the weather like on your birthday?

I don't even remember, but probably sunny and getting warm.

Would you kiss anyone on your friends list?

What friends list?

Are you a cat or dog person?

Definitely a cat person. I have two cats, and I've been raised with cats. I just love cats so much, and my little furry gremlins are my daughters.

Is there anything bothering you right now?

I have a bit of sore throat, hopefully nothing serious. My husband has a cold, so I hope I didn't catch it.

Is there something you want to let go of?

Yeah, the past. I don't think about it much, though.

How important is trust?

Extremely important. Without trust, everything falls apart.

Do you always regret?

No, I don't. Life is too short for that.

Do you find your ex gf/bf good looking?

Very much so. But maybe I'm biased, his personality makes him beautiful, too.

What will you do if you're stuck in the elevator with someone you don't like?

Ignore them as much as I can.

Have you ever wanted someone but you can’t have him/her?

Not exactly wanted, not in sexual/romantic meaning. But I wanted to be friends with someone, I just didn't know how.

Have you ever said I love you but you lied?

No, I never lie about such things. I'm not quick to say it anyway.

Would you ever want to go back in the past?

Maybe for once, to prevent some things.

Do you really wanna please everybody?

Nah, it's just not possible.

Is waiting ever okay?

Yes, when it's worth it.

Right now, where do you wanna be?

At my parents' place.

What are you so sick and tired of?

Rapidly rising prices lol.

What made you smile today?

My husband being nice.

Is looking good important?

Looking clean is important, looking good is subjective.

Do you listen to love songs when you’re down?

Omg no. I'm allergic to all that cheesy romantic stuff.

What are you thankful for?

Having my life saved after that brain injury.

Do you believe in forever?

Nothing lasts forever. Even life.

What are your plans for the weekend?

Grocery shopping at Saturday (hopefully in France) and business trip at Sunday.

Do you say sorry first?

It depends if I'm the one who is guilty or not.

Has someone promised you something and broke it?

More than once. It's more common than people think.

#survey #q&a survey #random survey

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toxicfoundations · 10 months

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Some Things That Keep Me Up At Night

When I start to lay down at night I start to remember every serious wrong that's happened to me; mostly related to being the selected scapegoat at home and at school in my youth.

Because I never pressed back against attacks and scapegoating beyond a point of tears (I stopped perusing justice after emotional battery and threats) I became an obvious target for bullying by peers and authority figures.

I believe I've already communicated the times my foster (adoptive) parents beat me; from my father choking me under the table the first day I met him because I spit up food I was allergic to (I was 3), to the night my mother grabbed me by my hair while I was sleeping and dragged me down a flight of stairs, punching me in my head to the laundry room, claiming I left a sock in the dryer.

These incidents I could forgive and forget; it's the public record of being expelled under false pretenses, or being labeled a 90 lb "bully" for verbally sticking up to abusers (with retorts) or trying to protect an autistic kid on our bus (the bus driver allowed the other kids to bully him; I tried to take him to the side and explain that he was being bullied and he freaked out).

The there's the mental healthcare and healthcare workers that act aggressive because of mislabeling on my file; there are things easily disprovable on the files but the staff always act suspicious, rude, huffy a very aggressive when I speak about addressing my medical files. Something as simple as questioning a supposed diagnosis from 20 years ago communicated through "the patient" could be disproven by asking who the physician was or what was the clinics name. When I press for corrections, they dodge or attack my character, and when I keep trying and they keep mistreating me, I keep pressing in hopes they'll get tired and let me speak my peace.

I don't have any voice in any of these matters.

Earlier in life it was obvious that I was targeted for being a foster kid in a rich area that was skinny, "nerdy", non-conforming and non-authoritarian; later it was because people wish to engage in various forms of circular logic to explain how I got where I am today.

There are dozens of examples, and I've posted emails and paperwork here in the past displaying the type of people I was dealing with; from family members calling me a "faggot" and threatening me with violence to get they wanted, to government officials trying to lock me up under false pretenses like saying I typed "people bully me" on social media and there I "deserved" to be locked up.

Despite being a human-rights advocate, teetotaler with no criminal history, I'm still treated like I deserve abuse. Online, when I try to introduce reason to groups, I get death threats and mockery. I'm punished for recording those sessions, and the rest of world goes on, spinning.

The sad part is that I've been in therapy for decades and none of my therapists notes even touch on any of these subjects, because they focus on stereotyping to shift blame or work (slavery) as if it would change anything at all. Hundreds of government and healthcare workers, and not one knows anything about me or my situation, and they don't care to.

I started this blog because it helped putting things out there; so I could communicate the sorts of things that had and are happening to me, and so that people wouldn't feel alone about the cruelty and various oppression they've been through.

Apparently Tumblr removes "inactive" blogs, so this will eventually be lost to time, much earlier than other parts of the web.

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luntica · 1 year

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I process best when I write it out, so here was my trip to Paradise Valley Hospital.

It was like 3 am by the time we were seen into the er, the waiting room was nice enough, if very prison like. No fault of the people there I'm sure.

But the actual back was small, crowded, odviously under funded, odviously doing the best they can. The rooms were fitted with doors made of fire board of some sort, tape and plastic, held closed by velcro strip. A couple blood drops on the floor, Quentin unable to ignore it, kyr helping keep us calm as our eye's are checking everything. The sink didn't work, storage stuff filled the space, bed old and fitted with a sheet barely hanging on to it. They almost didn't let kyr in with me, but kyr is a much my care taker as partner these days and the guy was to tired to argue.

When we got seen, the nurses worked as quickly and well as they could, no complaint. Told them "rat bite but it's an allergic reaction" they awed at the bite and went about their jobs. One doc came in, we told him the same he left, another came in told him the same, he left. The lab guy came, took 3 weird bottles, and like 5 other vials, normal I think, since you know it could be anything, but they'll try allergy treatment first, it's just in case. A new drop was added to the floor, Quentin locks front and leaves.

eventually got given tylenol and a proxac or something. I wasn't really given a chance to process the different meds here named off to give me for my anxiety. (Melt downs and panic attacks but the unfortunate fawn way that I do, aka crying silently and waiting for numbness to take over) eventually I was given a room upstairs, wheeled in. Blankets, pillow and the gown. After the doctor who ripped one off me before, I preferred to stay in my clothing.

Not long until someone comes and puts the iv in. Confusion if it happened in the er or in the room. Small, sink by the door, folded wall thing keeping another room separate. Tolet in the back, window next to that. The hospital bed sits slightly off a wall because weird shelves are in the way of it being snug on the wall.

There I was occasionally visited by nurses who check the bag, my vitals, or add another bag. Kyr would only leave once I was asleep when they visited because we know I would full meltdown if they didn't.

I'd wake, try to stay calm, panic, cry, sleep. Occasionally during this cycle a nurse would come. I would explain I needed allergy and mental health care. They would say they told the doctor. They would leave. The cycle continued.

They said the doc visited twice, I only remember seeing her once, where she said she met me. I don't remember her, but I can't say she's lying. I have DID and trauma amnesia. I was freaking out, that's trauma, thus memory block.

Every time we tried to eat my thoughts filled with thoughts that it was poison. I knew the food wasn't poisoned, but I couldn't argue that the doctor wasn't blatantly ignoring me and was putting an oddly large amount of antibiotics into me.

I took pictures of the iv bags and sent it to kyr, and when they visited they asked the nurses directly. 3 different types of antibacterial. They were also giving me the normal fluids and one for my lack of eating. (Almost like I didn't have an appetite)

My mouth still has a slight taste to it that makes me feel so wrong.

Im pretty sure my whole microbiome in my body is dead.

My alters with trauma from isolation punishments were hugging scout like they would die if they didn't. Begging to not be in a place like that again.

Why was I and what was legally my caretaker at the time ignored?

Is it cause I disclosed I use weed? In California I think not.

Is it im trans? Or autistic? Or do they just treat everyone like that?

All I know is, we watched brave and cried and are doing everything to not let this fester.

My hand reduced in swelling, at about the rate as if I had never come in. I have those welts from the medical tape that seems to be common among eds sufferers. And two iv holes that hurt more to have in than the swollen hand.

/God bless America/ am I right?

#tw medical

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justcahttingtothevoidcat · 1 year

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Low but not for long.

A personal update, I managed to get a wee day out earlier this week, mum and I went out to the Clyde valley on Wednesday to pop into Dobbie's and Silver birch garden centres. I picked up a couple of things in Dobbie's but oh my Silver birch was like a treasure trove.

It is always decorated so well, they have such lovely decorations and we/I ended up burning a serious hole in the bank account. I just can't believe how talented some crafts folk are and I know a lot of things are made en masse but my there are some beautiful things. Every year when we unearth our Christmas decs I am just stunned by the things we have, nothing to do with the cost of them but the craftsmanship is just something I adore.

Thursday was a bit manic because we were due to have a couple of electricians come round and do bits but they were running late and I needed the electricity on for my singing lesson. It was just so close to the grain time wise, plus it's amazing how much stuff one bookcase that had to be emptied can carry, I felt like I was sitting in the back of a charity shop with things out for sorting.

I've been a bit low a few times although thankfully not for long, just dipping into it and usually only when I am tired. It's just waiting for the consultant to get back to me with my MRI results in so stressful, I am going to send another email on Monday to remind him I exist, but Is entirely possible that there are no real answers for my back pain on the MRI and the whole exercise would be pointless, or there could be an answer but nothing can be done regardless. I think I would prefer the latter because I drive myself crazy wondering why I have had this pain kissing my shoulder blades for the past 4 years that just isn't going away.

Plus I've done something to my knee, or my hEDS has, it's been sore and swollen for around a month and I've reached the point where I think I'm going to have to talk to a doctor about it, just to make sure that I don't make it worse really. It's pretty bearable but walking up the stairs can be difficult.

I haven't had any more news about my application for disability aid since a lassie phoned me to ask about uploading more evidence, I don't really have many test results or things to show though. I just told them that they could ask my doctor about the medical part and my mum about the rest to prove my case. There's so little help for folks with hEDS that I really have nothing to show them. I just bumble on as best I can, which means painkillers when I need them and a wheelchair mum bought me so I can get about bigger places. Even the Physio isn't much help because I keep saying it's my upper back that's sore and I just hear about Core exercises which were great for my lower back but do fuck all for my upper back. They did give me some advice for my shoulder subluxations but I can't use the kinetic tape which I found to be so helpful but I am allergic to the glue.

I really just exist in the living room during the day unless it's nice weather and my back can tolerate me sitting out on the Oyster seat we have. Or if mums free to take me out on a day trip but that also depends on how I am feeling, my Vestibular migraines, although the meds help the vertigo, still play havoc with me at times and travelling can be difficult.

Still at this point with the shitshow that is Brexit I am just happy I can still get my meds, life is certainly far better on them than off! I also don't ruminate too much on the cant's and generally just enjoy being able to see out the window and spending time with the kitts and mum and the internet is my view of outside the house. It's not what I wanted in life but it could be far, far worse so I just enjoy myself despite it. There is lots of interesting things I can see and read and watch and listen to. I fought very hard to be alive so I will take what I can get while trying to figure out what else can be done as I go.

This is getting quite wordy, so I shall go away and have a wee check on twitter before heading to bed. Thanks for reading if you got this far, I appreciate your time cat.

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