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taylor-on-your-dash · 9 months

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Writing Of 1989 Timeline

1989 changed Taylor's career forever. If Red had just sprinkles of pop sounds, 1989 was marketed as a pure pop album from the get-go.

While many fans and critics kind of expected that, it seems like:

Taylor didn't have a clear direction from the start (except for the cohesiveness): “I wanted it to be a sonically cohesive album, and it ended up really being the first I’ve done since Fearless. I also wanted the songs to sound exactly how the emotions felt. I know that’s pretty vague, so I really didn’t know where it was going to go, but I knew that I wanted to work with the collaborators I had such crazy electricity with on Red, like Max Martin. I wanted to do some things that sounded nothing like what we had done before.”

She knew that she didn't want another Red: “When people say that they like one of my albums, like when people told me that Red was their favorite album I'd done, I didn't take that as, 'So, I should make that again'. I took that as, 'Great, awsome, now I wanna make them like this new album just as much if not more than the last album.' But I want them to like it for different reasons.”

She was worried about the change of direction of her music: “I worry about everything. Some days I wake up in a mind-set of, like, ‘Okay, it’s been a good run.’ By afternoon, I could have a change of mood and feel like anything is possible and I can’t wait to make this kind of music I’ve never made before. And then by evening, I could be terrified of the whole thing again. And then at night, I’ll write a song before bed.”

October 17, 2012: [From a Lover Journal] Taylor writes This Love in LA. This will be the last song produced by Nathan Chapman and the only one recorded in Nashville.

“The last time I wrote a poem that ended up being a song, I was writing in my journal and I was writing about something that had happened in my life – it was about a year ago – and I just wrote this really really short poem. It said, 'This love is good /this love is bad / this love is alive back from the dead / these hands had to let it go free / and this love came back to me.' And I just wrote it down, closed the book and put it back on my night stand […] All of a sudden in my head I just started hearing this melody happen, and then I realized that it was going to be a song.”

Handwritten lyrics:

November 18, 2012: Taylor meets Jack Antonoff and his band, fun., for the first time in Frankfurt, Germany, while at the MTV Europe Music Awards. They bond over 80s music.

January 4, 2013: Taylor is seen in a boat without Harry Styles, ready to return to LA from the Virgin Islands.

She will wear the same dress in the Out Of The Woods music video (and also in Look What You Made Me Do)

January 10, 2013: Taylor tweets "Back in the studio. Uh oh...". She will confirm that the song was All You Had To Do Was Stay on October 27, 2014 on Tumblr.

Candids here;

“There’s a song on my album called 'All You Had To Do Was Stay.' I was having this dream, that was actually one of those embarrassing dreams, where you’re mortified in the dream, you’re like humiliated. In the dream, my ex had come to the door to beg for me to talk to him or whatever, and I opened up the door and I went to go say, 'Hi,' or 'What are you doing here?' or something — something normal — but all that came out was this high-pitched singing that said, 'Stay!' It was almost operatic. So I wrote this song, and I used that sound in the song. Weird, right? I woke up from the dream, saying the weird part into my phone, figuring I had to include it in something because it was just too strange not to. In pop, it’s fun to play around with little weird noises like that.”

January 11, 2013: Taylor is seen again at Conway Studios, likely to continue working on All You Had To Do Was Stay.

January 15, 2013: Taylor posts a picture of herself in the studio, with the caption "Somewhere in LA". She'll later reveal that she was writing How You Get The Girl.

“The song ‘How You Get The Girl’ is a song that I wrote about how you get the girl back if you ruined the relationship somehow and she won’t talk to you anymore. Like, if you broke up with her and left her on her own for six months and then you realize you miss her. All the steps you have to do to edge your way back into her life, because she’s probably pretty mad at you. So it’s kind of a tutorial. If you follow the directions in the song, chances are things will work out. Or you may get a restraining order.”

March 6, 2013: Taylor is seen going to a studio in LA.

March 23, 2013: Taylor posts a picture of herself playing guitar, which might mean that she was working on a new song: "Pre show. Columbia, South Carolina". This could be either Wonderland, New Romantics or a vault song.

May 27, 2013: While in Rhode Island for the Memorial Day weekend, Jack plays Taylor an instrumental track that will later become I Wish You Would.

“'I Wish You Would’ is a song that I wrote with Jack Antonoff and it was the first song we ever worked on together. I think, for this song, we wanted to create a sort of John Hughes movie visual with pining and, you know, one person’s over here and misses the other person but is too prideful and won’t say it. Meanwhile this other person is here and missing the same person; they’re missing each other but not saying it. And I had this happen in my life and so I wanted to kind of narrate it in a very cinematic way where it’s like you’re seeing two scenes play out and then in the bridge you’re seeing the final scene, where it resolves itself. So it says, 'It’s a crooked love in a straight line down, makes you wanna run and hide but it makes you turn right back around.’ It kind of is like that dramatic love that’s never really quite where it needs to be and that tension it creates.”

[Voice Memo Intro Transcript] “This is another way I’ve written songs recently. This is a song I did with Jack Antonoff, and Jack is one of my friends and so were hanging out and he pulled out his phone and goes ‘I made this amazing track the other day. It’s so cool, I love these guitar sounds.’ And he played it for me and immediately I could hear this finished song in my head, and I just said ‘Please, please let me have that. Let me play with it, send it to me.’ And so he sent it to me and I was on tour and this was me playing the track on my laptop recording me singing the vocal into my phone and it ended up being a song called 'I Wish You Would', because Jack wrote back and said ‘I love that’. So this is another way of writing, it’s writing to track.”

[Secret Sessions] “Taylor said that she wrote ‘I Wish You Would’ a couple of months after her and Harry Styles broke up, and they decided to become friends again and she said this was the first time she had become friends with an ex, to the point where they were comfortable enough to talk about why the relationship didn’t work out. She said he told her about how, after they broke up, he bought a house literally one road adjacent to hers. Every day he would drive home, and accidentally turn into her street, and he told her how he just wanted to stop at her house and see her, but he never did. She said this song is about while he was in the car making the decision to get out the car and see her, she was sitting in her bedroom, wishing he would make the move and go back to her and just pitch up at her house. She compared it to a classic John Hughes movie where both parties want the same thing but neither has the guts to say anything. Honestly, she spoke so fondly of that relationship.” [this is from a secret sessioner and therefore it should be taken with a grain of salt]

Between May 28 and June 2, 2013: Taylor writes I Wish You Would. She settled in Rhode Island basically all summer, so it's possible that she went to Jack's studio in New York by car without being seen and especially photographed, cause I couldn't find any pictures with the same outfit. Conway Studios are also credited but it's possible that she recorded background vocals there. Taylor was in LA in late August.

June 7, 2013: During an interview at the CMA Music Festival, Taylor confirms that she has started writing her next album.

[Transcript by me] “[The new album] is starting, all the anxiety is starting and when the anxiety starts, then the writing happens right afterward usually. I like to write for about two years before I'm finished with an album because at this point I kind of know that whenever I read in the first year is going to get away, because I'm going to like it but it's going to sound a little bit like the last project I had, and the second year usually ends up sounding like the next project. So I think at this point I feel like staying the same is the easy way to go but it's not the way that I want to go creatively. I think you need to challenge yourself, I think you need to change up your influences, I think you need to be inspired by different things that you've been inspired by before. It's harder to call people you don't know, it's harder to think of topics you haven't covered and think of new ways to say old emotions that everyone feels. I think one of the things that I'm happiest with in the last year is the acceptance level in country music for me experimenting and for me trying to evolve and challenge myself musically because I think it's never felt better to be on that stadium stage performing knowing that and so welcoming of change.”

July 13, 2013: After a show in New Jersey, Taylor has an interview with Rolling Stone, where she says that she has been writing a lot.

“The floodgates just opened the last couple weeks,” she says of the songwriting process. “I’m getting to that point where I’m irritating to be around because I’ll be with you for half the conversation and then the second half of the conversation I’m clearly editing the second verse of whatever I’m writing in my head. I really loved collaborating: you work with a lot of different people and you find the people you have this dream connection with in the studio. I know those people and I know the ones I want to go back to. But I also have a really long list of the people I admire and I would really love to go and contact. So that’s kind of where that is. I think that the idea of having a different approach to every single one of my albums is so exciting to me. I never want to make the same record twice. Why do it? What’s the point? It’s so overwhelming that when you’re starting a project there are such endless possibilities if you’re willing to evolve and experiment. If you’re willing to become a different version of yourself, you can really go anywhere with it. And that’s kind of where I am. The kind of the laboratory experimental stage of really catching onto a new thing that I’m liking.”

Somewhere around June and early September 2013: Taylor and Jack write Sweeter Than Fiction. No credits are available but we know that it's the second song on which Taylor and Jack worked, so that places it before I Wish You Would and Out Of The Woods.

In 2014, Lena Dunham (Jack's girlfriend at the time) posted this photo of Jack and Taylor working on the song at Jack's house.

September 15, 2013: Jack completes the instrumental track that will later become Out Of The Woods, after his show was cancelled.

[Jack Antonoff] “When I did the track for Out of the Woods, which is a Taylor song that I'm really proud of, there was some issue at a venue and our show was canceled that night and I didn't have my stuff, I had left it on the bus, so I only had these old samples on what was on my laptop, and caught up that 'oh oh'' thing, and I only had one drum kit on there, and these dumb little things sometimes turn into a great song.”

Somewhere around September and October 2013: Taylor writes Out Of The Woods.

Voice memo here;

[Jack Antonoff] Although Antonoff and Swift shared studio time for some of their other 1989 songs while working throughout 2014, “Out of the Woods” was completed as a long-distance collaboration. “She’s very natural -— when she gets an idea, it just happens very quickly. I would send her these tracks, and when an idea would happen, we’d be 5,000 miles apart or whatever, but she would start emailing me these voice notes like crazy and it would just be happening so quickly that there’d be this excitement. There’s a frantic feeling in the song,” he says. “What’s interesting about ‘Out of the Woods’ is that it doesn’t really let up. It starts with a pretty big anthemic vocal sample that’s me, and then there’s a drum sample that kicks in that’s kind of huge, and then you don’t really know how you’re going to get any bigger, but then the chorus hits and it just explodes even larger. And then the bridge hits, and it gets even more huge.“When I was working on the track, I was thinking a lot about My Morning Jacket,” Antonoff continues, “and how everything they do, every sound is louder than the last, and somehow it feels like everything is just f—ing massive. And that’s the feeling that I went for. It started out big, and then I think the obvious move would have been to do a down chorus, but the idea was to keep pushing.” Antonoff is excited to share the rest of his work with Swift on 1989, but he views “Out of the Woods” as a highlight on the project. “This song means a great deal to me. On a production level, on a writing level, Taylor’s lyrics and her melodies — there’s something very important about this song.”

[Jack Antonoff] “After 'I Wish You Would' and 'Sweeter Than Fiction', we did 'Out Of The Woods'. So it was the third thing we worked on together, and probably the easiest. I sent her the track for it, and she sent back a voice note with the verse and chorus in what felt like five seconds. And it was just perfect. It's eerie how similar it is to what the final product is.”

“It kind of conjured up all these feelings of anxiety I had in a relationship where everybody was watching, everybody was commenting on it. You’re constantly just feeling like, ‘Are we out of the woods yet? What’s the next thing gonna be? What’s the next hurdle we’re gonna have to jump over?’ It was interesting to write about a relationship where you’re just honestly like, ‘This is probably not gonna last, but how long is it gonna last?’ Those fragile relationships... It doesn’t mean they’re not supposed to happen. The whole time we were having happy memories, or crazy memories, or ridiculously anxious times, in my head it was just like, ‘Are we okay yet? Are we there yet? Are we out of this yet?’”

“That line is in there because it's not only the actual, literal narration of what happened in a particular relationship I was in, it's also a metaphor. 'Hit the brakes too soon' could mean the literal sense of, we got in an accident and we had to deal with the aftermath. But also, the relationship ended sooner than it should've because there was a lot of fear involved. And that song touches on a huge sense of anxiety that was, kind of, coursing through that particular relationship, because we really felt the heat of every single person in the media thinking they could draw up the narrative of what we were going through and debate and speculate. I don't think it's ever going to be easy for me to find love and block out all those screaming voices.”

October 21, 2013: Sweeter Than Fiction is released. Big Machine was originally not on board with the release since they wanted a dormant period between album releases.

Late 2013: Taylor writes Bad Blood, after Katy Perry announces her Prismatic World Tour.

“For years, I was never sure if we were friends or not. She would come up to me at awards shows and say something and walk away, and I would think, ‘Are we friends,or did she just give me the harshest insult of my life?’ Then last year, the other star crossed a line. She did something so horrible. I was like, ‘Oh, we’re just straight-up enemies.’ And it wasn’t even about a guy! It had to do with business. She basically tried to sabotage an entire arena tour. She tried to hire a bunch of people out from under me. And I’m surprisingly non-confrontational – you would not believe how much I hate conflict. So now I have to avoid her. It’s awkward, and I don’t like it.”

“That was about losing a friend... But then people cryptically tweet about what you meant. I never said anything that would point a finger in the specific direction of one specific person, and I can sleep at night knowing that. I knew the song would be assigned to a person, and the easiest mark was someone who I didn’t want to be labeled with this song. It was not a song about heartbreak. It was about the loss of friendship.”

October 20 to 22, 2013: Taylor is in Cape Town (South Africa) shooting The Giver. One of the members of the cast is Alexsander Skarsgård. He is said to have inspired Wildest Dreams (or at least he's the most popular theory, as far as I know), because the music video is set in Africa and it features Clint Eastwood's son Scott as love interest, just like Alexsander is actor Stellan Skarsgård's son, but we don't actually know more about the song.

“I think the way I used to approach relationships was very idealistic. I used to go into them thinking, ‘Maybe this is the one – we’ll get married and have a family, this could be forever’. Whereas now I go in thinking, ‘How long do we have on the clock – before something comes along and puts a wrench in it, or your publicist calls and says this isn’t a good idea?’”

Note: Selena Gomez was present when Taylor wrote this song.

Handwritten lyrics:

November 19, 2013: Taylor records Blank Space. This is based on the wall behind her on an Instagram post from this day, the credits, and the behind the scenes clip.

Voice memo here;

Behind the Scenes here;

“Every few years, the media finds something they unanimously agree is annoying about me. 2012-2013 they thought I was dating too much, because I dated two people in a year and a half. ‘Oh, a serial dater. She only writes songs to get emotional revenge on guys. She’s a man-hater, don’t let her near your boyfriend.’ It was kind of excessive and at first it was hurtful, but then I found a little bit of comedy in it. This character is so interesting, though. If you read these gossip sites, they describe how I am so opposite to my actual life: I’m clingy, and I’m awful, and I throw fits, and there’s drama. An emotionally fragile, unpredictable mess. I painted a whole picture of this character. She lives in a mansion with marble floors, she wears Dolce & Gabbana around the house, and she wears animal print unironically. So I created this whole character and I had fun doing it.”

November 21, 2013: While at the American Music Awards, Taylor tells Billboard that she has around seven or eight songs ready.

[Transcript] “We got a lot already,” says Swift. “There are probably seven or eight songs that I know I want on the record. It’s really ahead of schedule for me. I’m just stoked because it’s already evolved into a new sound, and that’s all I wanted. And I would have taken two years to make that happen, but it just kind of happened naturally, so that’s all I could really ask for.”

December 2013: Taylor meets Diane Warren and they write Say, Don't Go.

[Diane Warren to Rolling Stone] Warren, who typically writes on her own, says the two of them “sat down and wrote the song,” which was released Friday as one of 1989 (Taylor’s Version)‘s vault tracks, “from scratch” during the last few days of 2013. She remembers being impressed with how specific Swift was with her lyricism and how considerate she was about how her fans might receive it. “She was very particular about how she said certain things. It was a really interesting experience. She gets her audience,” Warren says. “She’s deeply aware of how her fans want to hear something. I can’t explain it, but that’s probably why she’s the biggest fucking star in the world.”

2013: Taylor writes New Romantics and Wonderland. Not much is known about these songs, except that they were both written in 2013.

[About New Romantics] “People will say, 'Let me set you up with someone', and I’m just sitting there saying, ‘That’s not what I’m doing. I’m not lonely. I’m not looking.’ They just don’t get it. I’ve learned that just because someone is cute and wants to date you, that’s not a reason to sacrifice your independence and allow everyone to say whatever they want about you. I’m not doing that anymore. It’d take someone really special for me to undergo the circumstances I have to go through to experience a date. I don’t know how I would ever have another person in my world trying to have a relationship with me, or a family.”

New Romantics handwritten lyrics:

Wonderland Handwritten lyrics:

January 1, 2014: Taylor records Say, Don't Go.

[Diane Warren to Rolling Stone] Several days after writing the song together, they got into Warren’s office to record a demo, where Swift played it on her acoustic guitar. “We demoed it on New Year’s Day. And I’m a workaholic, and that’s fine for me,” she says. “But I remember being impressed that she did, too. Everybody’s on vacation, but she showed up.”

January 6, 2014: Taylor decides to look for a house in New York.

[Lover Journal] LA. So I've decided I want to look at places in New York. I know I went through this phase months ago, but it has to mean something that i've circled back to it, right? You know what they say, if you love something let it go and if it comes back... blah blah blah. so I'm leaving the day after tomorrow. Dating is awful. Love is fiction/ a myth. I'm over it all.

January 21, 2014: Taylor sends Ryan Tedder the I Know Places Voice Memo.

January 22, 2014: [From the 1989 Booklet] Taylor and Ryan finish and record I Know Places.

“I had this idea of like, when you’re in love, along the lines of 'Out of the Woods’, it’s very precious, it’s fragile. As soon as the world gets ahold of it, whether it’s your friends or people around town hear about it... it’s kind of like the first thing people want to do when they hear that people are in love is just kind of try to ruin it. I kind of was in a place where I was like, ‘No one is gonna sign up for this. There are just too many cameras pointed at me. There are too many ridiculous elaborations on my life. It’s just not ever gonna work.‘ But I decided to write a love song, just kind of like, ‘What would I say if I met someone really awesome and they were like, hey, I’m worried about all this attention you get?’ So I wrote this song called ‘I Know Places’ about, ‘Hey, I know places we can hide. We could outrun them.’ I’m so happy that it sounds like the urgency that it sings.”

January 23, 2014: Taylor and Ryan Tedder write Welcome To New York. Ryan produces a demo in three hours. This demo is the one included in the album.

“I wanted to start 1989 with this song because New York has been an important landscape and location for the story of my life in the last couple of years. I dreamt and obsessed over moving to New York, and then I did it. The inspiration that I found in that city is hard to describe and to compare to any other force of inspiration I’ve ever experienced in my life. It’s an electric city.”

[Ryan Tedder] “I thought we were going to walk in and start something from scratch because that's what I was used to. Then she calls me and says, 'Is it cool if I already have an idea?' I said, 'Sure.' She said, 'I have this song, I'm obsessed with New York and I just moved there, I want to write an ode to New York because no one's done it in a long time.' And then she sent me a voice memo. She's like, 'I want it to sound like the 1980s.' So the next day I brought in a Juno-106, which is a very 1980s keyboard, and I literally programmed that entire song right in front of her. It was very much on the fly, and that song was done in about three hours. And I did the rest of the production I think later that week.”

Handwritten lyrics:

January 26, 2014: Night of the 56th Grammy Awards. Taylor delivers a legendary performance of All Too Well, but loses the Album Of The Year Award to Random Access Memory by Daft Punk. This will prompt Taylor to make a "sonically cohesive" pop album.

[Lover Journal] January 25th. LA. It's the middle of the night and I was at the Clive Davis Party tonight which means... the Grammys are tomorrow. Never have I felt so good about our chances. Never have I wanted something as badly as I want to hear them say 'Red' is the Album of the Year.

“It was the night of the Grammys this year. I remember going home and playing a lot of the new music I had recorded for some of my backup singers and one of my best friends. We were all sitting in the kitchen and I was playing them all this music, and they were just saying, ‘You know, this is very eighties. It’s very clear to us that this is so eighties.’ We were just talking and talking about how it’s kind of a rebirth in a new genre, how that’s a big, bold step. Kind of starting a part of your career over. When they left that night, I just had this very clear moment of, ‘It’s gotta be called 1989.’”

“I woke up one morning at 4 a.m. and I decided the album is called 1989. I’ve been making ‘80s synth pop, I’m just gonna do that. I’m calling it a pop record. I’m not listening to anyone at my label. I’m starting tomorrow. I liked the idea of collaborating. But with 1989 I decided to narrow down the list. It wasn’t going to be 10 producers, it was going to be a very small team of four or five people I always wanted to work with, or loved working with. And Max Martin and I were going to oversee it, and we were going to make a sonically cohesive record again.”

January 2014: Taylor writes You Are In Love. This is actually speculation but it's based on (1) Taylor going to NY in early January and (2) Jack Antonoff confirming that it was the fourth song they did and (3) it's the only Antonoff-produced song that is copyrighted in 2014. Based on the credits, I'm pretty sure that Taylor and Jack worked on the song separately, with Jack recording the instrumental at the Jungle City Studios in NY (which is a studio that Jack used in 2014 to record Bleachers' first album Strange Desire) and Taylor recording the vocals at Conway Studio in LA.

“I wrote it with my friend Jack Antonoff who’s dating my friend Lena. Jack sent me this song, it was just an instrumental track he was working on and immediately I knew the song it needed to be. And I wrote it as a kind of commentary on what their relationship has been like. So it’s actually me looking and going, ‘This happened and that happened, then that happened and that’s how you knew you are in love.’”

“I’ve never had that, so I wrote that song about things that Lena Dunham has told me about her and Jack Antonoff. That’s just basically stuff she’s told me. And I think that that kind of relationship — God, it sounds like it would just be so beautiful — would also be hard. It would also be mundane at times.”

“We first worked on that song together and realized we kind of have a good thing, and the next thing we did was ‘Sweeter Than Fiction,’ which was on the [One Chance] soundtrack, and after that we did ‘Out of the Woods’ and another song called ‘You Are in Love.’

January 26, 2014: At the Grammy's, Diane Warren reveals that she and Taylor wrote a song together (aka Say, Don't Go).

[Transcript] “I worked with Taylor Swift on a great song. I don't even know what she's done [for her next album], I'm excited about the one that we did, it's pretty cool.”

[Billboard 2016 Interview] “I know [Swift] likes it, so hopefully it will see the light of day. I know she really likes the song. She didn’t want me to give it away, so hopefully that means she wants it.”

February 9, 2014: [From the 1989 Booklet] While in London, during the European leg of the Red Tour, Taylor and Imogen Heap write Clean in just 9 hours at Imogen's home studio. Taylor will sing the song just two times.

Voice memo here;

“'Clean' I wrote as I was walking out of Liberty in London. Someone I used to date – it hit me that I’d been in the same city as him for two weeks and I hadn’t thought about it. When it did hit me, it was like, ‘Oh, I hope he’s doing well’. And nothing else. And you know how it is when you’re going through heartbreak. A heartbroken person is unlike any other person. Their time moves at a completely different pace than ours. It’s this mental, physical, emotional ache and feeling so conflicted. Nothing distracts you from it. Then time passes, and the more you live your life and create new habits, you get used to not having a text message every morning saying, ‘Hello, beautiful. Good morning.’ You get used to not calling someone at night to tell them how your day was. You replace these old habits with new habits, like texting your friends in a group chat all day, and planning fun dinner parties, and going out on adventures with your girlfriends, and then all of a sudden one day you’re in London and you realize you’ve been in the same place as your ex for two weeks and you’re fine. And you hope he’s fine. The first thought that came to my mind was – I’m finally clean.”

“'Clean' is the last song on the album for a lot of reasons, but mostly because it felt like the complication of this emotional process I’ve been going through for the last couple of years. You know, I feel like my personal life was really, really discussed, and criticized, and debated, and talked about to a point where it made me feel almost kind of tarnished, in a way. And the discussion wasn’t about music. It broke my heart that I had made an album that I was proud of, and I was touring the world, and playing sold-out stadiums, and still they managed to only want to talk about my personal life. At a certain point I felt a switch and it was at the end of recording this album that I began to feel like my life was mine again and my music was at the forefront again. I was living my life on my own terms and I really no longer cared what people were saying about me. That was when I started so see people talk less about the things that didn’t matter.”

“I had this metaphor in my head about being in this house, there’s been a drought but you feel like there’s a storm coming. Instead of trying to block out the storm you punch a hole in the roof and just let all the rain come in, and when you wake up in the morning, it’s washed away.”

[Imogen Heap] “We met at my studio in London. She had the bare bones of “Clean.” She had the lyric, the chorus and the chords. I thought it was brilliant.I was really writing the tiniest amount just to help her do what she does. I put some noises, played various instruments on it, including drums, and anytime she expressed she liked something I was doing, I did it more. It was a really fun day. She recorded all her vocals during that one session. She did two takes, and the second take was it. We always thought she would probably re-record it, because we thought it can’t possibly be that easy. But after we lived with it for a few months, we felt it was great. I knew she loved it. She said she loved it and her mum loved it. But I wasn’t sure it would be included on the album. But everyone felt it had something special. It came together really magically.”

Imogen's detailed blog entry about this songwriting session.

[Taylor about Imogen Heap] “The coolest thing about Imogen for me was that there was no one else in the studio. There was no assistant; there was no engineer. It was her doing everything.”

February 11, 2014: Taylor gets a haircut. (I'm including this for funsies)

February 15, 2014: Taylor, Max Martin and Shellback write Shake It Off.

Voice memo here;

[Lover Journal] LA. This week I've been in the studio with Max and Johan every day and it has been the most creatively successful and fulfilling time. The first day, Johan just made a really up tempo drum beat because we decided we needed something up and light. We worked at it for a few hours before i just started singing "shake it off, shake it off, shake it off" And then the best way i know how to describe it is that the chorus just fell out of the sky. It ended up being this song about doing your own thing even though haters are gonna hate, and you just have to dance to your own beat. We all went home and I wrote the first and second verses and brought them in the next day. We wrote this chanty cheer leader bridge that I absolutely LOVE. We spent all day doing vocals and the next day recording the background vocals. I think it'll end up being the first single and Max said it's his favorite song he's ever been a part of.

[Max Martin during the lawsuit] “Shellback started out with a drumbeat. Shellback, Taylor, and I then collaboratively developed the melody and other lines of ‘Shake It Off’ to Shellback’s drumbeat. I did not write or provide any input into any lyrics in ‘Shake It Off,’ which were written entirely by Taylor.”

“I've had every part of my life dissected – my choices, my actions, my words, my body, my style, my music. When you live your life under that kind of scrutiny, you can either let it break you, or you can get really good at dodging punches. And when one lands, you know how to deal with it. And I guess the way that I deal with it is to shake it off.”

“The message in the song is a problem I think we all deal with and an issue we deal with on a daily basis. We don’t live just in a celebrity takedown culture, we live in a takedown culture. People will find anything about you and twist it to where it’s weird or wrong or annoying or strange or bad. You have to not only live your life in spite of people who don’t understand you, you have to have more fun than they do.”

February 19, 2014: Taylor, Max Martin, Shellback and Ali Payami write Style. This is the last song made for the album.

“I loved comparing these timeless visuals with a feeling that never goes out of style. It's basically one of those relationships that's always a bit off. The two people are trying to forget each other. So, it's like, 'All right, I heard you went off with her, and well, I've done that, too.' My previous albums have also been sort of like, 'I was right, you were wrong, you did this, it made me feel like this' – a righteous sense of right and wrong in a relationship. What happens when you grow up is you realize the rules in a relationship are very blurred and that it gets very complicated very quickly, and there's not a case of who was right or who was wrong.”

“This song is about those relationships that are never really done. You always kind of have that person, that one person who you feel might interrupt your wedding and be like, ‘Don’t do it cause we’re not over yet.'”

[Guitarist Niklas Ljungfelt] “I played on “Style,” a song I started with Ali Payami for ourselves. He was playing it for Max Martin at his studio; Taylor overheard it and loved it. She and Max wrote new lyrics. But I recorded the guitar on it before it was a Taylor song. It was an instrumental. I didn’t have a clue that Taylor would sing on it. The inspiration came from Daft Punk and funky electronic music.”

1989 is officially done!

[Taylor On Ryan Seacrest] “I'm pretty sure after we finished this one I knew the record was done. Shake It Off and Style were the last two songs to be written for 1989.”

February 19, 2014: While on tour, Ryan Tedder produces another three versions of Welcome To New York.

[Ryan Tedder interview] “I was in Switzerland on a tour bus, and I did four versions of 'Welcome to New York,' one of which I liked personally more, but the thing about artists is they become very obsessed with the demo. She was in love with the demo so no matter how hard I fought, she brought it back to the demo, so really what you hear is what I did on the first day.”

March 22, 2014: Billboard reports that Taylor and Ryan Tedder have worked together in LA in January

March 24, 2014: [From a Lover Journal] Taylor moves to New York.

[Lover Journal] So in the last few weeks, I've completely moved into my apartment in Tribeca. That's right, I'm writing this from my new bed in my new place, watching Law and Order with Meredith. Strangely, I've never felt more busy.

May 1, 2014: 1989 Photoshoot (I got this date from an insider)

May 29, 2014: [From a Lover Journal] Taylor chooses another photo for the cover, after having a nightmare of the previous one being not enough.

May 30, 2014: Taylor chooses the album cover.

[Lover Journal] Shanghai. So we got to China at around 2pm and I knew it would completely ruin me if I slept when i got to the hotel, so I decided to work out. WHY IS THIS PEN RUNNING OUT?! Just went to my purse and got my pen. So a crazy story unfolded in the last 24 hours. Last night, I had this vivid dream where the photo I'd chosen for the album cover wasn't good enough, intriguing enough, artful enough. it woke me up. I couldn't shake it and it stayed with me all day. Because that nagging feeling I'd been pushing back for weeks was now confirmed in my gut... it wasn't good enough. I went to the venue, mind racing, wandering if I'd have to do an entirely new photo shoot... I got to my dressing room with newer versions of the "cover" I looked at it and felt nothing. The team pulled up this new scanned file of the polaroids we had taken during the shoot. I saw it within 10 seconds. The shot. The cover. It's a polaroid of me sitting against a beige wall with a blue seagull sweatshirt on. You can see my red lips but the photo cuts off my eyes. For some reason unknown to me it's the most intriguing photo i've seen. I think it's the mystery of not seeing my eyes. Maybe it just looks effortlessly cool. The craziest moment came when something caught my eye. The cover photo is photo 13. I kid you not. I played a sold out show in Shanghai tonight and the crowd was amazing. Tomorrow we go to Tokyo, where they'll have the whole ticker tape parade at the airport. Smile and wave...

Mid To Late 2014: Taylor and Jack write Now That We Don't Talk.

[Tumblr Music] "Now That We Don't Talk is one of my favorite songs that was left behind. It was so hard to leave it behind, but I think we wrote it a little bit towards the end of the process, and we couldn't get the production right at the time. But we had tons of time to perfect the production this time, and figure out what we wanted the song to sound like, and I just think it's, I think it's the shortest song I've ever had. I think it packs a punch. I think it really goes in for the short amount of time we have, I think it makes its point."

Conclusive notes

What 1989 represented for Taylor:

“The 1980s was a very experimental time in pop music. People realized songs didn't have to be this standard drums-guitar-bass-whatever. We can make a song with synths and a drum pad. We can do group vocals for the entire song. We can do so many different things. And I think what you saw happening with music was also happening in our culture, where people were just wearing whatever crazy colors they wanted to, because why not? There just seemed to be this energy about endless opportunities, endless possibilities, endless ways you could live your life. And so with this record, I thought, 'There are no rules to this. I don't need to use the same musicians I've used, or the same band, or the same producers, or the same formula. I can make whatever record I want.'”

“In the past, I've written mostly about heartbreak or pain that was caused by someone else and felt by me. On this album, I'm writing about more complex relationships, where the blame is kind of split 50–50 ... even if you find the right situation relationship-wise, it's always going to be a daily struggle to make it work.”

Bonus: Secret Messages

Author's note: I wrote this timeline around 2 years ago. While I found some dates later on, this is 100% my research. If you use this timeline for your posts, research or whatever, PLEASE, credit me! I'd be very thankful. This is 2 years of work.

Links to my other Timelines:

Writing of Fearless Timeline

Writing of Speak Now Timeline

Writing of Red Timeline

My Spreadsheet with a timeline overview

Credits:

Most of the quotes have been copy-pasted from Taylor Swift Switzerland.

Taylor Swift Pictures for the candids.

Heather from Nerdy by Nature for the WTNY handwritten lyrics picture.

#taylor swift #1989 #1989 taylor's version #1989 era #red era #taylor swift timelines #1989 tv #blank space #shake it off #harry styles #out of the woods #wildest dreams #style #imogen heap #1989 tour #taylor swift unreleased songs #vault songs #1989 vault

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bunnyyamor · 2 years

Text

[ OCTOBER 18TH ] - SATORU GOJO x fem! reader (dr x nurse au) {REPOST}

synopsis; your pussy has been aching and in pain. but don't worry, dr. gojo will take great care of his fellow colleague. he will make sure all the boo boos go away. wk; 1k

warnings; mdni, smut 18+, heavy smut, sex toys, squirting, nicknames, overstimulation, fingering, beta read!

notes; so i had posted this on october the 18th and it got almost 700 notes but bc tumblr is the way it is it flagged my post and dleted it from tumblr so i am doing what i do best. not litenin and obv reposting it. remeber ur setting on tumblr to make sure it allows all mature things and make sure to reblog, like, comment so it can get back to the notes babes ʕ￫ᴥ￩ʔ ily all my bbys.

-nav : kinktober m.list : kinktober taglist

you waited in dr. gojo’s waiting room. patient to have your name called out. the predicament you were in was actually comicall. you were dr. gojo’s nurse. he was your boss. he was the best gynecologist in the city, many women came to him and seeked his profession. you were always beside him, writing down everything and assisting him in whatever he needed. now you were one of his patients. you trusted him more than anything. you twisted in your seat, feeling discomfort and sensitivity on your vagina. you definitely needed his help, it was becoming a nuisance.

“y/n,” another nurse called out to you. “wait, don’t you work here?” she asked. you usually never worked this day so you both didn’t know each other, but apparently she recognized your name.

“guilty,” you chuckled as you grabbed your bag, wanting to already be inside the room to get a diagnosis.

“well, follow me. dr. gojo is waiting for you.”

you followed the nurse and gojo sat in his doctor’s chair, writing something in your folder. “y/n!’ he said as his ice blue eyes met yours. “my y/n. come sit here.” he tapped on the paper covered table. “thank you, i got it from here,” satoru winked at the nurse. you could tell her heart probably stopped at that moment. all the nurses and patients were obsessed with satoru. they found him incredibly handsome and so attractive. “so sweetheart, what seems to be the problem?” satoru asked, wheeling over to your sitting position. touching your knees with gloved hands.

you understood everyone's appeal. not only did he look so handsome but he also smelled so good like cologne. “well, i’ve been feeling weird lately.” you played with your fingers. you sort of regretted coming to your boss’s clinic. this was so embarrassing.

“weird? in what way?”

you clutched your shirt and shimmied uncomfortably.

dr. gojo grabbed your hands, “sweetie, look at me. i’m a doctor okay. you are my best nurse and i’m really thankful to have you working for me. so if i want you longer i’m gonna have to make sure my best nurse is healthy, okay? whatever you tell me stays between us. i am your doctor, i care about you and want you to seek the best help ever. so don’t be shy, tell me exactly what you’re feeling.” he rolled his chair back to your folder to write down your symptoms.

“alright…” you gulped. “so my vagina has been very sensitve recently like sexually sensitive. i am horny most of the time and very wet down there, more than usual! i know most of this is normal but it’s getting to the point where it’s messing with my day to day life. all i think about is sex. and my clit is swollen and my lips are fat and puffy. i don’t know what to do doctor.”

satoru sat there quiet. his eyes turned dark then he gave a goofy smile. “is that so? y/n, let me ask you. when’s the last time you’ve had sex?”

you sighed, “it’s been forever doctor. i haven’t had sex in a really long time.”

satoru wrote that down and clapped his hands. “well, alright. let’s get you changed and check everything out. here’s a robe.” he handed it to you.

“do you want me to go into the changing room?”

he shook his head, “no since we're kinda on time here. just do it there and i’ll turn around for privacy.”

you nodded. you started removing each piece of clothing. tits spilled out and panties off. you were completely naked. you grabbed your clothing and bent over to place it on a chair nearby. when you looked to the side you saw that dr. gojo was staring completely at you, your spreaded ass cheeks and your tight hole. he saw everything. you were flustered but knew it must have been for a reason. so without alerting him you knew he was watching you put on the robe and sat back down on the table, “done.”

satoru feigned innocence. “alright. let’s get you checked. you know the drill love.” his chair rolled up to you and you propped your feet up.

that was when you opened your legs wide for dr. gojo. you could feel his cool breath breathing against your sensitive pussy. “how’s it looking boss?”

satoru got a good look at your pussy. he saw all of you, even your asshole. your pussy was pulsing, closing in and out. gojo gently lifted his fingers to your lips and gently spread them apart, seeing your hole. he inspected every inch of your cunt. “well, you are very wet. there is a lot of moistness here.” satoru used his middle finger to pick up all your cream.

“fuckkk,” you moaned. your eyes widened as you realized you moaned. “o-oh my god! i am so sorry.”

“don’t be sweetheart. you know how many girls do that. if you need to let it out, let it out. it must be so painful having gone for that long without a thick cock to be inside you.” he pouted, feeling sorry for you.

“yes, you get it. it’s true.”

satoru continued to spread your juices around your pussy. “i just want to see how wet you can get.” he closened on your cunt and inhaled your scent. “it smells delicious y/n. i can tell you take good care of it. and it looks beautiful. the most prettiest vagina i’ve ever seen.”

“really?”

satoru used his thumbs to spread your lips as far apart as they can go, “see how wet you get when i do that? i can tell that you need this.”

you moaned, “shittt. god that feels so good. but yeah, see, it’s really sensitive.”

satoru slapped it playfully. “why don’t you lay back, yeah? and let me take care of this. i know how to solve your problem. i know how to cure you.”

you opened your legs wider, “yes please.”

satoru started to massage your clit, “shhh, just like that. let’s get this problem taken care of.”

“shit, right there.” you huffed, feeling so sensitive.

satoru’s glove mixed with your juices made slick plasticy noise. he used one hand to open up your folds while the other pinched your clit then dipped lower to have his middle finger enter you. “now, how does that feel?” he smirked.

“oh my god. don’t stop. fuck. i feel so full, so good.” you felt all that tension was slowly draining. you needed him. your pussy contracted around his finger and sucked him up.

“wow, your pussy is very eager,” dr. gojo talked vulgarly, making you more wet. your hips grinded against his finger.

slowly gojo flicked your clit back and forth while he gently rocked his finger in and out of you. “let me take this off.” he bit his gloves off and again added his middle finger inside you. his digit was cold and the contrast was better than your fingers. “you like that sweetheart?” satoru asked as he went faster, easier to slide in because of your natural lube.

“mmmmmm, yesss doctor. don’t stop.” you held his hand to keep going on your cunt. it was globbing up your juices and dr. gjo was going quicker each second. he curled his finger, but didn’t want you to cum. “i know just the thing.”

you were annoyed that he stopped but were met with a buzzing sound and the most overwhelming feeling ever on your clit.

“this should help.”

it was a vibrator wand on your clit. satoru held it there, noticing the way your whole cunt vibrated and was glistening more from your wetness, “that’s it. good girl.”

“fuckkkkkk!” you screamed. you moaned loudly at the pressure that was building up. “shitttt.” your legs shook from the vibrations. you felt you were having an outer body experience. “fuckkkk satoru, i’m gonna cum.” you orgasmed, thrusting your hips as you wanted something inside you.

“tsk, tsk, tsk. were not done.” satoru wagged his finger. he still kept the vibrator resting on your clit but then he brought out a dildo. it was a good size, probably not as big as dr. gojo but still a good size. satoru spat on the dildo and then gently shoved it inside you.

“ughhhhhh, fuckkkk!” you went cross eyed for a second. having the feeling of being full being what you needed. you felt your walls pulsing around the dildo as it slipped in and out easily. dr. gojo kept the vibrator on your clit and the dildo drilling in and out. his eyes were dark and he was emotionless. he got pleasure out of overstimulating you.

“no-no more. ugh shit i’m gonna cum again!” you were so sensitive, crying out. you hoped no one heard you. “right there.”

dr. gojo moved his wrist to fasten his pace. his hands getting drenched in your cum as he probed the whole thing inside you. “do you like taking in the whole cock y/n? yeah, you like that baby?”

“yes, doctor! oh yes! harder! faster! please!”

dr. gojo listened and went even faster, putting the virbator on the highest volume.

“fuckkkk!” you groaned loud as spurts of your juices drenched satoru. you squirted many times. the flow quieted but then because of the virbator it squirted out again. “fu-fuck.” you shook as you kept squirting. it covered dr. gojo’s collared shirt and doctor’s cloak. “oh my god.” you couldn’t stop shaking. the orgasm was earth shattering. your cream dripped down to your ass hole. feeling cool when it met with the air.

as gojo sat up you noticed you squirted on his glasses. he smiled as he pulled the dildo out with a pop. it was shiny and dripping. “see? now didn’t that feel better? i told you, i am one of the best doctors.”

#cry baby *🧸*#jjk smut #jjk x reader #gojo smut #satoru gojo smut #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader #gojo satoru smut #satoru gojō x reader #jujutsu kaisen smut #jujutsu kaisen x reader #gojo x you #gojou satoru x you #jjk gojo

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izicodes · 6 months

Text

Tuesday 12th December 2023

End of September: I quit my first proper tech job after 2 years.

End of October: I applied for university on a whim and got a place.

Start of December: Randomly got a new tech job without searching.

God blessing me left, right, and center?! That's just a summary of what's been happening the past few months. I will go into more detail below~!

Here are some tips for talking to people on LinkedIn: post 💕

If you're wondering how I got here in terms of my coding journey: video | post 💕

End of September

I quit my job because it was getting tiring and I couldn't see any chance of me developing there. I will forever be grateful for the opportunity to do my apprenticeship with them and then go on to become their Jr Web Developer - but from there, everything felt static. When the projects being given were getting absolutely boring, I knew then I needed some kind of change. So, I just quit. I said on a Monday I was quitting and that same Friday, I left. Politely and respectfully, of course.

End of October

I was so random how I did this but my Dad suggested for me to apply to university. I told him I didn't even have the right qualifications they wanted. He said "Bet". We looked at the local universities and none mentioned any apprenticeship certifications but mentioned work experience in the field. I applied with that knowledge. Wrote the cringiest personal statement about why the universities should accept me - and it worked. I got into the university of my city which seemed super prestigious to me, 18-year-old me would be screaming that I got a place at the university that I deemed for super smart people.

I made a post about it: link 💕

Start of December

My plan now was to wait until university next September 2024. I planned to relax, level up my current skills by myself or helping via volunteering, and maybe get a few certificates (because I love my name on certificates), and, most importantly: catch up on some anime shows - which I did complete:

Ushio & Tora: 2nd Season

Hunter x Hunter

Vinland Saga

JOJO Part 5 (again)

Jujutsu Kaisen 2nd Season (still watching)

Basically, I was supposed to relax until around February time, then start looking for a new job - tech or non-tech.

!! At this point, I was not looking for a new job !!

Last Tuesday I got a message from a recruiter on LinkedIn saying my profile was cool and would love to help me get an interview for a Frontend Software Engineer position in the city. I had a hunch to tell him I was okay and wasn't looking for a new job right now, but I was getting bored recently and this to me was an exciting new thing to do, so I said yeah why not!

The meeting was on the following Thursday and I met the IT manager. He liked me (same back to him) and wanted me to meet the team next Monday (yesterday). Afterward, I was feeling "Oh wait this is getting serious, I'm only here on a whim, like I'm actually doing good?" so I thought "Okay let's make an effort on the next 'interview'!!".

Monday came and I met the funniest set of people ever in a tech team. Then I thought "Lowkey highkey... would be so cool to work here~!" and the feedback I got was really positive. I got the job. Today I talked to their HR to finalise things.

All of this is thanks to the Almighty God, Lord Jesus, and the Holy Spirit of course~~! 🥰🙏🏾☦️

#codeblr #coding #progblr #programming #studying #studyblr #learn to code #comp sci #tech #programmer #computer science

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likeadevils · 4 months

Note

Any timeline news bestie?

actually yeah!! a good chunk of news that i need to officially type up and source, but if you want to just take me at my word that i’m not making up interviews:

@1989worldtour and @taylor-on-your-dash found an old interview where taylor says she wrote back to december in new york, meaning it was likely written in early/mid may 2010

in that same interview she also said she wrote mine while on tour, probably in texas (that’s her saying probably texas not me). which would put it march 10-12 2010. the thing that trips me up about that though is scott borchetta said she showed it to him in february, which isn’t a big time difference, but taylor left for the bahamas right after texas. i don’t know exactly what day she left, so it’s possible she flew from texas to nashville’s to the bahamas and recorded the first mine demo then, but unless she did that the next time she could be in nashville would be on the 21st, and the next time she’s in nashville for longer than a day would be march 29, both of which are pushing the february mix up. but no matter what taylor probably wrote it in early march, since all the dates in february were in australia and tokyo, which seem hard to mix up with texas.

in that same interview she said she started mean in her kitchen but then had to leave to go play a show. that could be whenever, but the only 2010 show she played without a show right before/after it was in baton rouge on may 29, where she had two days off before and after it, so speculation but better than the “idk sometime in spring?” that i had it under before

(side salad: you might be thinking claire, is that too many may 2010 songs? and if you’ve read the speak now timeline you might be thinking, but what about long live in the first week of june and the story of us in the second week of june? is that too many songs? and to that i’d say wow, thank you for paying so much attention. but, taylor does go into writing frenzies in the months right before she finishes an album, and she finished writing for speak now in june and recording for it in july, so like. it makes sense that there’d be a cluster right at the end)

nathan chapman, the guy who produced basically every song taylor recorded between 2006-2011, posted a couple photos from the speak now and red sessions! unfortunately we don’t know which song she was making in the speak now picture (my kingdom for speak now studio credits), but the one from red is likely girl at home— it is the only released song taylor made with him at his house after cutting her bangs and straightening her hair

and some super early tortured poets speculation— on october 17, post malone said he’d just hung out with taylor, and on october 20 deuxmoi said taylor had just been in LA working with a new producer. dm is normally absolute dogshit at getting information out of taylor’s camp, but idk about post malone/whatever producer’s side of things. so i’m putting a very shaky maybe on fortnight in october 2023

if anyone has an opportunity to enter electric lady studios please tell me if they have a tan couch in front of a dark wood background. i have crawled through their website and instagram and i can find no such couch but taylor and jack working in a non-electric lady/his house studio would be insane (EDIT JACK BUILT A NEW STUDIO IN LA AND THE PHOTOS I WAS TRYING TO TRACK DOWN WERE PROBABLY TAKEN THERE)

#asks*#timeline*

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not-a-perfect-metaphor · 1 year

Text

(Hardcore hatting post with wives + fauxmance content. Please do not continue if you know that’s going to rub you the wrong way.)

————————

Today in the world of J2-tinhatting:

Things that make you go ‘hmmm…’ 🧐 number 5,63877 -

————

Jared and Genevieve choosing October 24th, 2008 as the day they fictitiously decided to enter into a ‘serious’ relationship with each other.

I’m sure it seemed like it would add an extra little boost of significance to the timing of their staged engagement on October 24th, 2009.

You know…like the proposal was a tribute to exactly one full year of ‘mutually exclusive commitment’ between the two of them.

And to clarify, they didn’t mention any of this; meaning the specifics of when they had officially become a ‘serious couple’ until after their engagement went public, and that was just one of the many necessary milestones they would swiftly need to fabricate (and then remember, which…don’t even get me started) as they pieced together a ‘dating timeline’ that would hopefully be convincing enough to sell their completely out-of-the-blue engagement and marriage.

And when I say out-of-the-blue…boyyyy do I mean it, because for anyone who wasn’t paying attention to the comings and goings of the Js way back then (christ…fifteen years…good grief), the Jared/Genevieve ‘reveal’ happened essentially like this:

Jared vs. romance, post-Sandra McCoy: he’s single, single…single, yada yada, single some more- (except obviously he’s ‘secretly’ with Jensen, and by ‘secretly’ I mean the entire universe knows it…*AHEM*), but yep…still single, sinnngle, wow these gay rumors sure are gaining a sudden huge amount of traction, but anyway…single, sin-

-BOOM, now there’s this one stray article speculating that he mayyy (or may not) have a girlfriend, and…wait, huh? Who dat? What’s-

Oh okay, I guess he really DOES have a girlfriend, and wait, they-they…they’re actually super girlfriend-y/boyfriend-y, or…

They’re engaged?

Yes, they’re engaged!

DUH.

It’s Genevieve. Genevieve and Jared. And, in fact, they’ve been serious and lovey-dovey lovebirds for quite a while, now.

So, um……..psych!

Yes, this is 100% normal, because whether you know it or not, you did actually know about it the whole time.

Yes you did.

NOPE, DON’T EVEN.

YES YOU DID.

YES.

YOU.

DID.

…….

Seriously, though.

I cannot overstate the bizarreness of watching it all unfold in real time…of witnessing the way this relationship that ABSOLUTELY WAS NOT ANYWHERE TO BE FOUND…EVER was being framed and talked about as if it had been right there, right in front of us…progressing normally and not at all suspiciously to the point where it was just like finally, it’s finally just time for these two crazy kids to stroll down that aisle and tie the knot.

……

When meanwhile, in real life, it was pretty much just a giant -

Plus throw in everything that was suddenly going down with Jensen and Danneel AT THE SAME EXACT TIME (like…no joke, though…and then both engagements materializing on the same frickin’ weekend for christ’s sake??)

🙃

———

*By the way, the Jensen/Danneel fauxmance unfolded in a way that was equally as dumbfounding and twilight zone-ish as the Jared/Genevieve fauxmance but for completely different reasons, which I’ll rant and rave about in another post, because I have a LOT (a lot a lot) to say about that, too.*

———

But back to the Jared/Gen fauxmance and the dates I started this whole thing with.

Because remember the journalist who authored that epic article after interviewing the Js in which she famously wrote that they “share more than just a mortgage”? (they were still publicly living together at the time)

That lovely little chat happened to occur in late December of 2008.

And…but-…but…

Hmmm…🧐

According to Jared…during that interview (again, in late December, 2008), he was “very single.”

He wasn’t even just “single.”

He was “very single.”

He wasn’t “maybe casually seeing a girl.”

He wasn’t “dating a girl” but just not quite ready to name names.

He wasn’t “well…you’ll find out soon enough *wink wink*.”

Nope.

He was living with his best friend (*cough-HUSBAND-cough*) and “very single.”

Lol. So, um, then…

Well, fast forward to Jared and Genevieve’s engagement, October 24th, 2009…

-shortly after which we were informed about the whole October 24th also being the one year anniversary of the day they both decided it was time to fully commit to each other as a long-term, exclusive couple thing.

Except…two full months PAST that special day -

(October 24th to late December)

Jared.

Is.

“Very single.”

#j2 tinhat #my ramblings #things that make you go hmmm #fauxmance

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fatehbaz · 1 year

Text

The “goal of civilization” should be to get these delicious tropical pineapples shipped up to kitchen tables in St. Petersburg.

Much to consider here.

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Anton Chekhov, it appears, was not the first Russian literary luminary to visit Hong Kong. Chekhov had stopped off in October 1890 and wrote about its “wonderful bay”. [...] But Chekhov was beaten to the punch by Ivan Goncharov who stopped by in 1853. Goncharov is now best now known for his novel Oblamov, but his bestseller at the time was a 700-page tome of travel-writing called The Frigate Pallada. Goncharov had been taken, as a sort of official scribe, on the Russian naval expedition sent to “open Japan”. If that sounds like American Commodore Matthew Perry’s expedition, it very much was: the Pallada arrived in Japan several weeks after Perry. The Pallada [...] went [...] via the Cape of Good Hope, Java, Singapore, Hong Kong and Shanghai, with side-trips to Manila, Korea and the Ryukyus. [...] Edyta M Bojanowska relates all this, and much more [in her book] [...]. Bojanowska uses Goncharov’s travelogue as a window on Russia, a window through which to view the European, and particularly British, imperial project [...].

---

Russia’s Pacific history is little known, perhaps even in Russia. [...]

In the library [...], I once came across a book entitled La Frontera ruso-mexicana: “The Russian-Mexican Border”. There actually was one in what is now California in the first part of the 1800s. Nikolai Rezanov had tried to open Japan in 1804; he got nowhere. (He did however continue on to North America and all the way down to San Francisco where he got engaged to Conchita, the [...] daughter of the Spanish governor, a story which became a late Soviet-era rock opera.)

---

Alaska ended up being sold to the United States a decade or so after Goncharov’s voyage. [...] Goncharov’s [book] [...] “strains to project an image of Russia as a confident and competent peer of European colonial empires.” [...] Goncharov was a product of his age. He was furthermore an anglophile and thought that the British had on the whole the right ideas about empire. (He did however find their ubiquity annoying: his idyll on Madeira is ruined by seeing so many of them. “They’re here too?” he wrote.) He would occasionally take the imperialists to task for some particularly egregious injustice, but he never questioned the enterprise. He just thought Russia should have a piece of the action.

---

Goncharov settled on Korea as a good potential target for Russia (“Goncharov Island” is now known as Mayang-do Island, the site of a North Korean missile base) [...]. The book hit the ground running, went through ten editions by the end of the century, and seems never really to have been out of print [...]. Singapore gets a slightly fuller treatment. Goncharov marvels at the pineapples piled up “like turnips”. “The goal of civilization,” Bojanowska quotes him, is to get these pineapples up to St Petersburg where they were currently unheard of luxury items. (Goncharov’s equating of capitalism with tropical fruit is reminiscent of the [...] [twentieth-century] fascination with bananas.)

---

Text by: Peter Gordon. A book review published under the title '“A World of Empires: The Russian Voyage of the Frigate Pallada” by Edyta M Bojanowska'. Published online in the Essays, Non-Fiction, and Reviews sections of Asian Review of Books. 10 July 2018. [Bold emphasis and some paragraph breaks/contractions added by me. Italicized first lines in this post added by me.]

#a lot going on here #soviet rock operas and goncharov island and russian mexican border and goncharovs love hate relationship with british empire #abolition #ecology #imperial #colonial

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bellaxgiornata · 16 days

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First, I want to wish you ( a little bit late however) a happy birthday!!! 🎂 🎂🥳🥳🎉🎉

I was busy and was only reading on your ao3 account, just got here and realized!

You are one of the two accounts that made me do a profile last September or October ( I don't remember exactly which one of these two months it was). I hope you're having an amazing pregnancy ( are you having nausea, did you have it already and it passed on the next stage or did you not have this effect? 👀, if you don't feel comfortable answering, that's totally fine, I understand) and I hope your hubby gives you princess/queen treatment like you deserve! 😌✨

Could I ask you how you post on tumblr? I want to post things like pictures or blurbs, but I have no idea how.

Do you also have tips on organizing time? I have a lot on my plate between uni stuff, looking for scholarships/opportunities and trying to have a life, that I have no stability and am very stressed.

To conclude this, I wonder how would traveling abroad on another continent be with either Matt or with Frank?

I definitely imagine that with Frank it'll be really nice. He'll always have everything planned and I see him informing himself as much as he could with knowledge to the max. He'll bring reader to museums or historical places. However, he could sometimes be paranoid or really almost always on alert. He's definitely a bodyguard boyfriend!

With Matt, I think I'll be hard on the way to go there ( either by plane or boat, it will be really noisy for him) . He could also be always stressed since he won't be able to understand the language spoken and might misinterpret things as threats. :( I don't see how reader and him could have a great time together...

What do you think?

Ahh thank you, friend! 💖 My birthday was actually back in October, but this celebration is sort of like a tumblr birthday! I've been here for just over a year now and it seems like a good cause for celebration! And I'm glad to hear I could play a role in you coming over here to tumblr as well! It's definitely fun being able to interact a lot more than on AO3!

Thankfully most of this pregnancy has gone pretty well in comparison to my previous with my first son. That one took place during COVID so it was isolating and I had 24/7 nausea and sickness. This pregnancy has had its issues, but thankfully everything has been working out in the end. I've only had a bit of nausea in the first trimester and then it comes and goes lately now, but honestly I'm just forever exhausted and uncomfortable being almost 36 weeks along now. And my husband is doing his best! We've got a toddler so this time around it's not always do-able to have quite that level of treatment, but he's very helpful and attentive!

For the rest of your questions, I'll answer them below the cut! Because this is quickly becoming long 😆

It's generally pretty easy to post on tumblr, whether you use mobile or a PC. There's usually a button somewhere that says create or something along those lines. And there's options to just write text or add in images or make polls, etc. If you sort of play around you should be able to see the different things you can do! You can always test out a post and see what it does and then delete it afterwards, too! I was a bit confused when I came here at first, but just playing around with everything had me realizing that it's pretty straightforward for most things!

As for tips on organizing time, I can share what helped me during the busiest phase of my life in my late 20s. I was in grad school for a couple of years while also running a wedding photography business while also planning my own wedding and trying to maintain my own social life and sanity. So I get the stress! What I found helpful was using some sort of calendar or organizer. I wrote down deadlines for things that were non-negotiable so that I could visibly see what was going on--days I needed to go photograph a wedding, days wedding photos were due to couples, when homework was due, what days exams were, or when projects/papers were due for grad school. Things like that that cannot be changed. Then I usually plotted out time to allot to each thing throughout the week and prioritized each one depending how long it would take/how soon I needed it finished. So I made sure I had time to work on editing photos every day to keep making progress on weddings (because I usually had a new one piling up more work about every weekend), and I usually allotted so much time throughout the week to work on schoolwork (because I was reading well over a thousand pages a week every semester). I felt like having the visual of a calendar allowed me to actually see where my time was being spent and how much time I actually had to get things done. And it made things feel a little less overwhelming and like I was more in control. And any extra free time outside of getting my work done was reserved for wedding planning of my own or doing something fun with friends or my now husband.

So for you, I'd say plot out when school things/homework/exams are due, when scholarships are due, and what days you have work (if you have to go into work). Then try to allot how much time you would need to get everything done and plan that into your days every week. Some weeks you may find that you don't have a lot of social time (I know I certainly didn't and that's rough), but unfortunately that comes with going to college. Unless you're like one of my friends who somehow skipped every class, winged every assignment, went out always partying, and somehow still got her degree. Still baffles me to this day... But generally, school is going to take up a lot of your time until you finish it. It's rough and I feel for you though ❤ Just make sure to take some mental breaks and don't overwork yourself. Allow yourself to say no to things you don't actually need to do as well.

Now onto the bit about Matt and Frank abroad!! And of course, these are just my thoughts on how I picture the two of them.

I do think of the two, Frank would be easier to actually travel with just for the fact that he wouldn't need as much accommodation since he does not have Matt's heightened senses or a disability, which would obviously add a layer into planning that a Reader/significant other would have to keep in mind when planning things with Matt. But to me personally, I still think experiencing traveling abroad with either man would be a fun experience for different reasons and I don't think Matt's need for extra accommodation would ultimately have a negative effect on a vacation, especially because I imagine he'd travel with a partner who makes him feel comfortable with who he is as a blind man dealing with the extra sensory input. Personally I think experiencing anything through Matt's senses with the way he 'sees' the world would fascinate me because I don't experience the world even close to the way he does.

That being said, with Frank I could see him having some things planned out, and in my mind I picture it being from his time spent in the military. He seemed to spend quite a few years in the service, which means he's done multiple tours to many different places worldwide, even if that means just passing through a country. But I'm sure he's visited a couple of interesting places on his own when he had free moments, whether alone or with his buddies, and I could picture him having a few places in mind he'd want to show Reader. But I could also see him having places in mind that he had heard about but never had the opportunity or time to go visit while he was abroad in the past because the military tends to keep you busy. So I'm sure there's places Frank would love to really explore. I could also see him being interested in the historical places, having read up on something that really stood out to him, but I could definitely see him interested in adventuring outdoors if Reader/his significant other was open to that. He definitely seems like he'd want to get out and explore the scenery and the sights and he probably wouldn't want to sit and relax too much on a vacation. And I agree, he'd have times where he'd absolutely be on alert. I think that's just how Frank is wired at this point, especially with loved ones.

As for traveling abroad with Matt, the actual getting to a different destination would be rough on him. Though we know in the MCU he's traveled to LA now because of his appearance in She Hulk, so canonically he's managed what I think is around a six hour flight. And from a brief check, it seems New York to certain cities within Europe would be a little bit longer of a flight by an hour or so. So, I think he could manage it, but I think it would be vastly unenjoyable because of his senses. And he'd absolutely need to accommodate for those. I also imagine he'd need time to decompress and recover after a flight like that before getting out and enjoying the vacation. Though I do think he'd have fun exploring restaurants and finding really great food to try, and I think he'd enjoy experiencing museums or art galleries whether there was a guided tour set in place for someone who is blind or visually impaired, or whether he got to experience things through Reader's descriptions. I think he'd still like to explore the city and visit historical sites, but I think Matt would really enjoy experiencing places that are probably a little less overrun with tourists and people that might overwhelm his senses. But also, getting Matt to stop being Daredevil for a bit and actually leave Hell's Kitchen might be hard 😆

#bellas 2.5k follower celebration #lots of questions here!!#but thinking about matt and frank abroad was fun!

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wherewhereare · 9 months

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This is especially for the newbies. @formdetective went under the the guise of @shefaniscience. She was one of the very early Shefani blogs/fans. I have used a lot of her posts to work on my timelines. I always found that in very many cases, in the beginning, she was not very far off on her discussions of the relationship. She still follows on occasions, but I have not seen her post anything Shefani wise in a very long time. At the request of her followers, she took the lyrics of GAABMH and put forward what she thought were the thought processes that Blake and Gwen were having in relation to, in my opinion, the most important Shefani song. It is the only song written by them with their own personal thoughts deriving the lyrics. It is in keeping with every song Gwen has written to this date. Even though, NBY and HA really fit them, only GAABMH lays out their very real thoughts at the time.

There are a couple of others she did, and if your interested, I can share those also. Her discussions about the lyrics really bring out, from her opinion, what Gwen was feeling and thinking about when she wrote them. Let me know if you're interested. I have found that her most profound statement, paraphrasing a bit here, is that when she met Blake, it was the first time she could write a love song without caveats. She put that out in 2016 while writing the TIWTTFL album.

formerdetective May 13, 2016 Go Ahead and Break My Heart Lyrics Analysis Okay so a bunch of people requested this but I didn’t have any prompts that really fit with what I wanted to say, so here is a text post!!

First of all, I don’t think this song had anything to do with HOW they figured out the next step of their relationship. I know he said he was trying to impress her and “get somewhere with her,” but I think he was just trying to sound charming. I mean, I’m pretty sure he tries to “impress” her like almost every day. Remember when he bought his and hers horses? Or flew overnight to go to her son’s birthday party. Anyway, I think this song is about that process obviously, but I don’t think it’s a part of it. I’m sure it did help solidify things though. <3

So my interpretation of the song comes in the context of all the other things we know. Splash was July, then I’m pretty sure Getting Warmer was in early September, and then Make Me Like You, Misery were September 22 & 23, and Truth was October 23. Also in mid and late September, Blake and Gwen both said some pretty cool/magical things were happening in their lives during interviews.

So anyway that’s kind of where I’m coming from with this analysis. To me, the emotional vibe is the most like Getting Warmer. I recommend listening to that right before this for more of Gwen’s mental state.

Go Ahead and Break My Heart

Blake’s verse: Most people seem to be assuming that Blake’s lyrics mean Gwen was trying to ease off or actually tried to break up with him or something like that. But I disagree. I think Blake’s verse is mostly the result of his own insecurity. Like we know obviously that she was really scared, but I think that was stopping her from communicating, rather than from seeing him.

You know how I’ve gotten what feels like dozens of messages asking/complaining about how Gwen won’t say the word boyfriend/doesn’t want to talk about Blake/isn’t a good speaker? Imagine if you were the person she didn’t want to talk about, trying to talk about it. I love her so much but she is not good at expressing herself in situations that make her uncomfortable. And she was so nervous and confused herself. If you needed answers and were getting sort of circular, non-committal responses, that would be confusing as hell.

Trying to navigate all of that would be especially confusing if you were already super insecure yourself, and in particular were 100% convinced the woman you fell for was out of your league.

So this is the situation they’re left with. Gwen avoids the conversation or muddles her way through it, and Blake takes her nervousness, not as a sign that she wants more, but as a sign that she doesn’t know how to break up with him, because he literally can’t believe she wants to be with him. (poor babe.)

The sun is setting on your last good try: So we know based on her lyrics, and and interviews and how happy they were on the voice in battles/knockouts, things seem to have been pretty great between them…but then I imagine Blake would start to have the dreaded DTR (define the relationship) and she would start to stumble and second guess everything and leave them both thinking WTF:

Here I am with a half goodbye, wonder if you’re really gone this time: See to me this is where his own insecurities come in. Gwen is being wishy washy and unclear, and he assumes the worst. Gwen talks a lot about being broken but she wasn’t the only one who was damaged by their previous relationship.

The problem, too, is that this isn’t the type of partner he’s used to. He’s used to someone more assertive, and not as much of a sensitive cinnamon role. And based on comments he’d make, I don’t think he was used to being the one who needed to lead discussions. Plus, go back and watch some late 2014/early 2015 B interviews. He’s not used to someone being this sweet to him or being so intensely emotional over him.

I mean, because if Gwen’s problem was she was in love with him but didn’t know if he liked her as much, that’s not a reason to dump someone. It’s a reason to be hesitant in messing things up that are already going well. But Blake doesn’t know any of this, so he just thinks she’s too sweet to let him know she wants to break up. Like I said, he assumes the worst because he’s insecure and a bit broken himself. So when she doesn’t give him a straightforward answer he assumes the worst. But it’s actually the opposite.

And just when I’m about to lose my mind

He said in interviews that they were having trouble opening up and letting their guards down, and I think that definitely went for both of them. So he probably didn’t want to push the issue too much, so when he didn’t get the answers he wanted when he tried to talk about it, he just tried to go with the flow even though it was driving him nuts. Like he didn’t want to scare her off, so when he still didn’t know what she wanted at the end of the conversation, he’d just leave it because it was scary to push too much.

There you are again on my phone, moon is rising and you’re all alone: So basically Blake is going crazy worrying but she calls him like right away and wants to hang out some more. Because of course she does. She’s obsessed.

Maybe we can just hang a while, maybe we can make each other smile: But he’s still confused, still insecure, still doesn’t know what she wants, so he’s like we can just hang and see what happens! Like basically, I’ll take anything.

Oh no, here I go: I think ‘here I go’ is here i go falling in love, and it’s a problem because he doesn’t know what he’s gonna get from her. Like maybe she’s just gonna break his heart.

Chorus: So the lyrics of the chorus pretty much sum up Blake’s frustration.

Literally he’s like, “if you want to end this, then just do it.” I’m not gonna type out the whole thing because they are pretty much just one thought. Except for this:

Why are you waiting is it way too hard? See this line especially makes me think it was as much Blake’s insecurity as Gwen’s that was causing them “problems.” She was waiting because she didn’t have any interest in breaking his heart. She just didn’t know how to tell him that (and was also terrified to admit she wanted more.)

But the rest of the chorus just kind of sums up like, I want you completely. So if you don’t want that too, then you gotta go.

Oh but also: You can’t tell me that we’ll still be friends, and maybe someday we can try again. To me this is emphasizing that bb is in DEEP and he’s gonna be so heartbroken that if it’s not gonna continue then that has to be the end of it.

Gwen’s verse: So gwen’s verse is a combination of reassuring him that his insecurities are for nothing, she is literally in love with him, but she’s scared of how much she’s into him. And the lyrics of her verse are why I don’t think she was ever actually trying to say goodbye or whatever. I think she probably had no idea what to do and word vomitted her way through that conversation(s) and he took that to mean she wanted to breakup but felt bad about it, when it was really the opposite.

I never ever meant to get so into you, thought I was using you just to get me through: I think when they first started hanging out and then unexpectedly switched from friends to romance or more likely, some kind of facebook style it’s complicated, gray in-between situation, and she was trying hard to just keep on living in the moment, without thinking about what might happen between them down the road.

You know I’m broken I don’t trust anyone, last thing I needed was to fall in love: So she didn’t start hanging out with him with the intention of falling in love. She needed time to heal, and between that and everything else in her life it’s actually hella inconvenient, but that’s what happened. But it is scary because she has trust issues…which kind of takes me back to what I said about Getting Warmer…she’s not sure she believes she can trust him to love her the way she loves him…the problem she’s had in the past. But that doesn’t mean she’s not in love with him.

You got me dreaming, got me thinkin I’ve got some hope; there is nobody else I wanna get to know: So it’s not like she wants to break up at all. She doesn’t want to see anyone else, or even be without him, because it’s exciting and she’s starting to move beyond living in the moment towards maybe this is gonna be forever. Or maybe this can be what she’s always wanted, unlike the other two tries.

But I’m so scared I don’t know what to do, how did you get me so into you? And this is back to her struggling to let her guard down. Feelings are not the issue. It’s just fear. But still she does have that shred of hope so she doesn’t want to break up.

Then again, with her trust issues, she’s not that confident he won’t break her heart either. But oh no, here I go: it’s pretty much too late for her. She’s too in love to give in to her fear.

Chorus again: So frankly, it would probably be just as well for Gwen too if Blake isn’t gonna come through and give her the love and partnership she wants then she doesn’t have time for this.

Bridge: So literally, those are the reasons each of them are acting how they are. They’re both scared, both having trouble saying exactly what they want (until now), but they’re both in love with each other. There’s your cards: Cards on the table, everything exposed, it’s scary but maybe it’s worth it.

Because even though it ends on the chorus, I take a pretty optimistic view of the end. The bridge asks What are you waiting for? And to me, that’s really the conclusion. They aren’t waiting for anything. Even though it’s hard and it’s gonna take maybe a little time, they have no interest in breaking each other’s hearts.

-the end.

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carpathianspaceprincess · 1 year

Text

Wintering (The Irish Poem) - Joel Miller x Reader

Summary: Joel reads a favourite poem of yours, and reflects on the subject's similarities to you.

Rating: E. minors dni.

Pairing: Joel Miller x SeasonalDepression!Reader (F)

Tags: Irish coded reader. a little bit of Gaeilge. One Shot. Happy Ending(™). FLUFF. Sickening fluff. Soft!Joel. Established relationship/situationship. No smut in this but could be in the future.(❀❛ ֊ ❛„). Book a dentist appointment my friends, you will probably have cavities after reading this.

CW: brief mention of suicide and overdose attempt, mentions of seasonal depression/mental illness symptoms, mention of SSRIs.

WC: 2.4k

A/N: Happy late St. Patrick’s Day! This work was inspired by an Irish poem called “Geimhriú” by Ailbhe Ní Ghearbhuigh. The translation came from this post, and I only have a little Irish but it seems right. The Irish language is beautiful and I love it dearly, so I wanted my first posted work to celebrate it (i'm terrified of sharing this btw lol). I wrote this bc culture and language is nearly always left behind and forgotten in survivalist worlds like TLOU, and it’s rarely a theme in fics, but is an essential part of survival, especially for Irish communities. I may potentially expand this work to a series to explore more aspects of Irish culture as part of the story if it's well-received and I feel like it. btw this is not beta-read and idk how to format anything - this is genuinely my first time posting so there are likely mistakes! please comment if you find one, or have constructive criticisms, and of course like/reshare and interact if you had a good time reading this, it would mean the world to this little Irish gal.

(♡ ὅ ◡ ὅ )ʃ♡ enjoy!

₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊.

Even at the end of the world, in the fucking apocalypse, in this shitty, godforsaken place, you were still somehow suffering from a seasonal affliction.

Depression, that is.

Joel saw it immediately, the way you took a little longer to answer the door when he came for you in the mornings, the bags under your eyes just a little more pronounced as the days in your district grew less colourful and the dry leaves wilted to the sodden earth. He also saw how you tried to hide it and for a while, tried to respect your clear denial of something being very, very wrong.

To your credit, you did what you could; soldiered on. Ate and slept more than usual, like a bear. Before the outbreak, you’d been on Zoloft, then Wellbutrin, but the chances of any SSRI medication still existing were so slim you knew you didn’t need to bother checking.

Even so, it frustrated you every morning, the fact that you weren’t like Joel. That you couldn’t just get up and get on with your day, that you needed some stupid chemical to make your brain work just because the weather was cold and the sky was churning furiously, gnashing it's teeth on nothing but grey, day-in and day-out.

You couldn’t make sense of it. You were living in near constant poverty, under a dystopian military dictatorship and in the middle of a civil war every god-damned fucking day whether the sun was shining or not, so why did the fields being barren and slick with sleet make you viscerally despise life so much more than seeing them full of fresh flowers and humming with bees? You’d still be hungry at the end of the day. Exhausted. What should the seasons matter to you now? There was no difference. No future. Not then.

You had hoped that maybe eventually, living in constant survival mode might, y’know, actually make your brain want to survive. But it didn’t. You hated it. But what you hated about yourself most of all was the fact that you desperately needed help. It was pathetic. Weak.

Joel didn't see it that way. Well, he didn't now.

At the start he thought it hadn't been too serious. Maybe you were 'just tired'.

But then winter had nearly taken you from him that year. The sudden and shocking bone-chill of Boston post-October had him practically dragging you out of your own bed every morning for the “supply run” he had taken to bringing you along on; silently begging you to get up and keep going for his sake if not your own. Telling you if a man from Texas could survive it, you’d better get your sorry ass up and do the same.

He’d found you then, in late December, the dead of night, throwing up and barely breathing. You’d collected enough opioids to kill a horse and tried to take your own life. You’d been lucky to see the next sunrise, and that was the last time he’d allowed you to sleep on your own. And the first time he’d heard of “Seasonal Depressive Disorder”, or whatever it was.

You’d explained that before all this, you’d had medications that would have stopped this issue for you; so Joel, having then appointed your fragile well-being as his responsibility, had looked for some. But of course there was nothing. So much to everyone else's delight, he spent the winter just like you; because like two really fucked-up peas in a pod, if you were in a foul mood, Joel’s was never far behind. With the QZ being overcrowded, freezing, and insistent on working you both to the bone, you were always in a foul mood.

₊‧°𐐪♡𐑂°‧₊

So now he can admit to himself that he likes this; likes seeing the glow of your rosy, apple cheeks in the tangerine afternoon rays of a tired day. The way the sunlight dapples the colour of your hair; the lazy smile that breaks across your gentle mouth as the cool breeze caresses you both. This wheat field is completely abandoned, high bland stalks swaying quietly. The rush of the little river nearby. A perfect place to take you; you who were beaming so joyfully, could’ve replaced the goddamn sun itself as far as it concerned him.

He feels the embroidered spine of your book in his hand, holding it away from your reach. The one you always had open on the same page, the one he caught you reading when you were supposed to have your hands on your rifle and your sharp eyes looking for guards and raiders.

“Let me read it.” he grins without realizing it, stretching a little further away as your fingers grab for purchase, pointlessly. You're too short to even touch the cover as he leans over you. “No!” You reiterate, and he frowns, a finger coming to his lips to remind you of your surroundings. Still careful. “Why not, huh? Can't be that bad if y'like it so much.”

A slow blush stains you as you huff, dropping your arms to your sides. Like a petulant child. Admitting defeat.

“Fine, but it’s not even in English.”

He quirks an eyebrow at that, and keeps your gaze as he flips the faded, worn pages open to find the one he’s looking for. “You won’t understand it.” You whisper. But he doesn’t need to understand it, he just wants to see. It makes perfect sense to him that you're bilingual, he doesn't know a lot about you, but he knows you're smart, and sharp as a tack...as long as something interests you.

The paper of this page in particular is dog-eared to the point of severe damage, and marked to all hell, but it isn’t dusty at all. Whatever this is, he sees that it’s well-loved by you. Well-read. His curiosity gets the better of him as you make one last reach for the precious item and he, with ease and very quiet glee, denies you.

He doesn’t try to read it aloud though, the words roll around on his tongue unfamiliar, tangled up in the calculator of his brain that is so used to the anglo-saxon american structure of speech. But he scans it quietly all the same, to your surprise.

Ná labhair focal,

ná féach im threo,

tá duifean ar mo chroí

nách n-ardófar.

Géillim don ngeimhriú

Ní aithneofar mé

go péacadh na mbachlóg.

Ailbhe Ní Ghearbhuigh.

He clears his throat, and runs a finger along the last line of text; “This the author?”

You peer over, nodding. He hums in acknowledgement, filing the information away for later. Then he graciously hands the book back to you, brushing your fingers with his, and you snatch it away; folding it closed against your lap. A low gust of wind makes the hair that frames the sides of your face dance delicately. You lean back on your arms then, to appear relaxed. Trying not to think of the delicious electricity sparkling under your smooth skin at his touch. Failing. You're hot, now. The humidity doing nothing to cool off the desire pooling in your belly as you look up at him through thick lashes. He's chewing a thought in his mouth, you can see it.

“Gaelic?”

You are actually taken aback, but smile and shake your head good-naturedly at the attempt. “Gaeilge.”

A look of confusion crosses his brow and a laugh, golden and sugary, pours from your chest. It squeezes him with violent affection for you. “Gaelic is Scottish. This is Irish. Gaeilge.” You repeat, cocking your head. “They’re different.”

He nods slowly. He wants to ask you how you came to speak it, and is that why you have a lilt in your accent? did you come from there? From Ireland? And how did you manage to keep speaking it after the outbreak?

But, he thinks those questions can wait til later. You'll tell him your story on your own terms when you're ready, and he respects that. What he does know is that this must be important to you somehow, and he's happy to focus on that for now.

“You gonna tell me what it’s about?”

“I could...but those are meant to be read and understood in the spirit of the language they’re in. They’re not meant to be in English.” You season the last word with some disdain, teasing.

He gives you a dry look and you laugh again. Rolling his eyes and pretending to fall over, he pops back up and props his dozy head with his elbow against the coffee-brown and burgundy leaves that have scattered and broken on the ground beneath gale-swept branches. Then he waits.

You take him in in all his intensity, the way his curls ruffle against his hand. The sleeves of his shirt pushed to his elbows, muscles and tendons flexing and taut, brown in the sun and from working outdoors.

You guess you do owe him one. Reaching your free hand towards him, he turns his face into your gentle touch on his jaw, and you just about explode. How could you deny him anything when he looks like this?

“Alright,” You give in, and it feels like the easiest thing in the world.

The book opens once more, and his pretty eyes follow your slender finger against the printed words with his gaze; you feel observed; shy. And you begin, your voice unsure of itself. But his hand on your thigh is cosy, encouraging.

“Don’t say a word,

Don’t look in my direction,

There’s something on my heart

That can’t be lifted.

I give in to wintering

You won’t see me

Til the buds begin to blossom”.

“Til the buds begin to blossom.” He repeats slowly, intentionally.

“You a man of literature now, Miller?”

He exhales sharply. “Not at all, ma’am. Just a curious one.”

The corner of your lips tugs upwards at this easier side of him - and you hum as you close the book and set it down with care, next to you. You each settle against the other comfortably then, taking in the sights and scents around you. A tranquility has made home inside your bones, with the feeling of his warm front against your back and you raise your face to the rays of sun; still beaming onto you from the early evening sky. Your whole body rests now, soothed by his presence.

Comfortable silence blankets over you both, for a few minutes.

“So, d’ya like the view?” He asks all of a sudden, kicking his feet back and stretching against the massive tree he’s got you both behind - completely hidden from the view of the gate patrol. He’s been scoping this place out for weeks, he knows it’s safe.

You feel his shirt ride up against your back and it ignites something that quickly dwarfs anything mellow or peaceful inside you.

“Do I like it, Joel Miller?” You repeat incredulously, turning around and crawling onto his lap; with only a little grace. His rough, calloused hands instinctively come up to your hips, and the denim of your worn jeans suddenly feels far too tight and restrictive for the kinds of lovely, fuzzy messages your body is giving to you. You straighten up, leaning in to breathe; a faint hint of whiskey, lot of smoke. Lot of man. Yours. Your man.

Before you can unleash the teasing reply you had tucked away for him, an unwelcome thought sobers you. He notices the shadow cross your pretty face, the terrible memory flickering away in the back of your mind. Calling back to your thoughts before, you realise very abruptly that you do owe him one. In fact, you owe him your life for this very afternoon. The seeping heat on your skin and the pastel wildflowers. The gorgeous vermillion colour of the sky. The rush of contentment in your heart.

“I never would have even seen this sunset if it wasn’t for you.” You murmur, lowly enough that he has to strain to hear it. A grumble rumbles in his chest but he says nothing in reply, so you stay quiet, and take his larger hands into yours. Trying to convey how grateful you are with your touch. Hoping it'll osmosis or something. Knowing you can never repay him for his selflessness, his friendship, his sacrifices.

He clears his throat then, to get your attention, and you lock eyes with him; searching and deep. Knowing.

“You know I love it.” you whisper, appreciating the deep brown irises framed by spectacular eyelashes. The eyes you’d know absolutely anywhere. “I love it more than anything.”

You’re not talking about the view anymore.

He knows it, too; lines softening at the complete adoration on your face, the vulnerability; the way you’re giving it all to him. And he wants it even though he really shouldn’t. He wants you exactly like this for the rest of your lives. Warm and happy, tucked up next to him in some butt-fuck middle of nowhere place in the sun, tending to your garden and reading your books and your poems, unbothered by the harsh realities of the world revolving around you. Away and safe from the sickness and cruelty of the cities.

He watches carefully the radiant glow that’s touching your expression, and he can’t help but understand then, why you like that poem.

It’s you.

In moments like these, when you’re pressed up against him and smelling so sweet he feels heady and drunk, it’s much harder to shove away those very domesticated thoughts he’s been having; of you and the kind of things he wants to give you. The kind of life he wants you to have, together. Although he couldn’t tell you out loud, not yet anyway. He’s working on it.

You wonder what he's thinking about, leaning to press a soft kiss to his chin to bring him back to earth- closing your eyes at rough stubble brushing against your cheek. You feel an earth-shattering smile and wish you could see, but it’s gone by the time you raise your head again.

What you do see is a tanned arm reaching behind you to pluck something from the soft earth.

It’s a sunflower. Bright and plush and golden.

Like you, he thinks.

Firm fingers gently and deftly push your strands aside, carefully slipping the green stalk of it right behind your left ear.

Leaning back to peer at you and admire his handiwork, he tucks his hands behind his head.

He compares what’s in front of him now to his memories of last month; your face tear-tracked and pale in his bed, telling him you didn’t want to live. Him never knowing how to help you, spending those bleak evenings with fear poisoning his every thought, constantly worrying he would come back home to you cold and still. Wrapping himself tight around you in his bed late at night in the hopes he could somehow just piece it all back together by holding you. The memories the experience brought up for him; the ones fuelling his terror of failing you, like he failed her.

And now you here, surrounded by spring buds blossoming in the sweet change of the season. Wildflowers, peonies, just like you, so easily pleased by the sun and the green of the forest and the view from the top of your apartment building once the snow had begun to melt. Softened by just a little bit of warmth and a lot of love. A lot of care. He's proud of you and how hard you've worked to drag yourself out of the place you were in.

He’s suddenly finding it difficult to control the way he wants to cry with relief.

You don’t know any of this, of course. But the way he observes you so deliberately sends little shivers down your spine, despite the humidity and haze. You do feel kind of silly sitting like this though, so you reach up to pull the flower from your hair, but his fingers grip your wrist hard and fast before you can get to it and they tell you otherwise, pressing indents into your skin that you'll remember later tonight.

“Don’t.” He says softly. “I like it.”

You try to stop the grin from breaking out but fail miserably, and he's dazzled by it. One smile, and he’s completely and overwhelmingly filled with love for you.

Yes, he thinks; even at the end of the world, even in this shitty fucking place, this apocalyptic nightmare, you still somehow manage to blossom in the sun.

#pedro pascal #pedro pascal fandom #tlou #the last of us #tlou fic #joel miller #joel miller x reader #pedro pascal universe #happy st paddys day #lmao #tlou fanfiction #pedro pascal fanfiction #x reader #pedrostories #pedrohub #irish in my fics? you fucking bet

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bleue-flora · 4 months

Text

20 Questions For Writers

One as tagged by @x-i-l-verify and I’m a sucker for answering questions. :)

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

7 (and since it’s not many I’m going to color code them) - Wow that’s actually crazy, can’t believe it’s only been a little over a year since I first posted.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

129,165 - Yo, I’ve written a couple novels worth in words let’s go!

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Dream SMP. (though I have a real angsty fic idea for MCU’s Loki that I’ve considered doing…)

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

(Poor B is for Betrayal is at a disadvantage with only coming out this week lol)

Crow’s Nest

Which makes sense since it is the longest finished work and the most diverse in content, but it’s pretty wild since it’s only been since October. (I’m going to try and not assume it’s just because of all of the co-author, @midnight-fangirl01’s readers lol<3 :)…)

Dreamcatcher

Which I am probably the most proud of as far as my individual work, especially because the concept is really fun to explore. Hoping to finish the sequel soon but we’ll see.

Good Cop ‘Bad’ Cop

This is the shortest non-one shot by like half, so it’s interesting that it ranks higher. I do make some kinda cool graphics for it so I’m glad people like it. Not gonna lie though, a combination of positive feedback and projecting has made it go much farther than the one shot I had originally planned. And since I usually do a lot of planning for stuff it’s no wonder that I have non idea what I’m doing lol. :)

Misery Loves Another Idiot With A Jukebox Where His Soul Should Be (Or umm Misery for short)

(Every time I have to type that out I wonder why the heck I made the title so long, I means its perfect but also you can’t even do a good acronym because that’d still be long…) To be fair the kudo count is really close between Dreamcatcher, Good Cop ‘Bad Cop and this one, which is interesting…

Back in the day, when I first posted this as my blooper reel I did not expect people to like it this much, but I’m glad I’m not alone in my affinity for torture box madness. >:D I still can’t decide which is more unhinged the hopscotch or the crucifixion… like my mental health this year was suffering for real… lol

If The Crown Fits, Wear It

I mean c!Techno should always rank top 5 so it makes sense. ;) As someone who doesn’t love to read one oneshots because I get too attached and sad when it ends, I can’t say I’m overly surprised at its ranking. But also still surprised. Regardless,it was really healing for me and I’m glad it seems to have been for others too.

(Ok though for real my first fic Hell in a Box being the lowest makes me kinda sad not gonna lie. Like it’s true that I think I’ve certainly gotten better at writing, which is actually why I edited it this summer, but it is the one that started it all and while it’s not my favorite work at his point it does have some really cool scenes and holds a special place in my heart.……)

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

Always. Every one. They took the time to make me smile so the least I can do is share the love or fun. Especially when I spend a maddening amount of time on specific details it makes me so happy when someone noticed and enjoyed. <3 :)

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Yes. Oh wait lol I mean technically it would be Misery since there is both no ending and it’s more so a complication so technically it probably won’t get one. But if we are talking a finished work with an actual ending then probably Dreamcatcher I guess, because it’s kinda a sad realization, though technically it would have been Crow’s Nest if not for the co-author spoiling my plans lol >;)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I mean easily Crow’s Nest… I mean the ‘epilogue’ is like 13,000 words so that’s how you know it’s good. ;D

8. Do you get hate on your fic?

No not really. And honeslty my self esteem is low enough I’d probably quick if did. :) I did receive a hurtful but also wild accusation (from what I discovered to be a bot) that Good Cop ‘Bad’ Cop was written by AI, which is funny because honestly that fic is really uniquely formatted with literal nutrition facts I designed at the end, like heh? An AI doesn’t come up with this.

9. Do you write smut?

Nope. And I do not read it either. In fact, I originally thought that all fanfiction was smut but after reading my first one that was recommended by a friend I was pleased to discover there is plenty of fanfiction that isn’t.

10. Do you write crossovers?

Haven’t yet? But I wouldn’t be the most opposed to it…

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes, someone is translating Crow’s Nest into Russian, which is pretty cool.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic?

Yes with @midnight-fangirl01 and it was pretty fun. Though the short timeline and time difference made it difficult as well as my canon compliance extremism. But overall, I think we made a really good pair and I certainly got some new writing skills. It is by far the longest fic I have worked on so I’m pretty proud of it and certainly couldn’t have pulled something like it off without her.

14. What‘s your all-time favorite ship?

Umm I don’t really do ships, but Drunz is one that is cute, and I always try and keep my fics kinda open and up for interpretation for anyone who does ship them. I think in general my opinion on their relationship doesn’t change much on whether they are platonic or not.

15. What’s the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I intend to finish everything I post whether it’s how I planned or less so, because it makes me sad when works are unfinished, and I like closure, however sad or open-ended it is. At the moment I’m struggling with Good Cop ‘Bad’ Cop because my writing is based on projection and spurs of creativity so I guess I’ve struggled to project onto c!Bad recently. I will say I actually wrote most of the end the other day, so worse case scenario I just post it, but I do have ideas for chapters before then. It’s just whether or not I get inspired to.

16. What’s your writing strengths?

I’d say despite generally disliking writing it, character/actual person sounding dialogue. Also my detailed descriptions that help you visualize the scene.

17. What’s your writing weaknesses?

Probably pacing, like I don’t seem to cover a lot of ground in my fics. And for the Dreamcatcher sequel I’ve been struggling a lot with exposition.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

If you mean because the character speaks it then yes that’s fine I love character accuracy but there should be translations. Otherwise it ruins my immersion and it’s rude to make me switch screens on my phone and get blinded by the light just so I can translate. Like lots of people don’t translate for Ranboo and it’s really annoying.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Dream SMP.

20. Favorite fic you’ve ever written?

How dare you ask be to choose between my babies! XD lol… I mean… I don’t know Misery is the most fun to write because I get to just be unhinged and I can stop or start wherever I want. Crow’s Nest is the one I’m probably the most proud of since it look a lot of lost sleep, research of characters I hadn’t done yet and we basically wrote it in a month and that just blows my mind. But I don’t know my favorite? Maybe Dreamcatcher I guess…

Hmmm tagging: @midnight-fangirl01 @elmhat @catsandgoodbooks @mistythedritten @draconixiaa @swordfright @the-final-sif … umm I don’t know I have no wifi so trying to figure out people to tag is hard but if you’re a writer and you see this consider yourself tagged and feel free to participate I’d love to see your answers. <3 <3

#ok I may have added more details then I should have but I can’t help it :)#thanks for tagging me this was fun<3 <3 loved your answers too wow you’ve written a lot I’m impressed #dsmp fanfic #I’m such a baby in the fanfiction world but y’all have made me feel so welcome <3 <3 :)#writers things #ao3 writer #ao3 author #ao3 fanfic #shall we play a game?

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