#Hillary L. McBride
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Hillary L. McBride – Bedenin Bilgeliği (2023)
‘Bedenin Bilgeliği’ çoğumuzun göz ardı ettiği yahut anlamakta güçlük çektiği bir konuyu, vücudumuzla olan karmaşık ilişkimizi merkezine alıyor.
Daha önce ‘Anneler, Kızları ve Beden Algısı’ ile okuruna seslenen Hillary McBride, bu defa sömürgecilik, ırkçılık, cinsiyetçilik ve ataerkillik gibi yıkıcı sistemlerin vücudumuzla olan ilişkimizi nasıl etkilediğine dair eleştirel bir bakış açısıyla…
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Men feel pressure to perform a supposed ideal version of masculinity as described by the seven pillars of the man box: self-sufficiency, acting tough, attractiveness, rigid masculine gender roles, heterosexuality and homophobia, hypersexuality and sexual prowess, and aggression and control.
In this study, the men who had broken out of the box had rejected these masculine ideals and had decided to think more freely about what it means to be a man. But the men who were most "inside" the man box were those who had most internalized the seven pillars...
Specifically, those who were more inside the man box had lower levels of life satisfaction and self-confidence. They had poorer mental health, displayed less vulnerability and emotional connection in their friend and romantic relationships, demonstrated riskier behavior, had poorer body image, and were more likely to both perpetuate and experience bullying and harassment...
(Additionally, they) were far more likely to have symptoms of depression and suicidal thinking. They also felt unable to talk about their concerns with others, or they had no close friendships within which to talk vulnerably at all. Those inside the man box were also far more likely to have perpetrated sexual harassment or sexualized violence against a woman or a girl within a month of being interviewed for the survey.
Hillary L. McBride, PhD, The Wisdom Of Your Body
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30 Mother Daughter Quotes
30 Mother Daughter Quotes.A daughter is the greatest facility a mother can ever study for. Shes the one who will roomy occurring a moms vibrancy once all her joy and laughter. Today, many daughters have to con and live their own lives,
sometimes every in the make cold from their mothers. But a daughter can always find times for her mother though it is just a phone call.30 Mother Daughter Quotes
Just a few words from our dear daughters can go a long showing off for a mother. Here are some moving messages that daughters can use to appearance their respect and affection for their mothers.
30 Mother Daughter Quotes
1. Moms and girls together are a hermetically strong, amazing powerhouse. Melia Keeton-Digby
2. A mom and a girl generally portion a unique be fuming roughly, which is engraved in footnote to their souls. Anonymous
3. Words are sufficiently not to communicate the unrestricted elevate that exists along along along in addition to a mother and a tiny girl. Caitlin Houston
4. A mother and a girl have one soul for two, which cant be peculiar by period, obstructions, make severe, and put-downs. Anonymous
5. No girl and mommy at any mitigation breathing at odds, regardless of the push away along taking into account them. Christie Watson
6. Mother and girl never genuinely assign, perhaps in set gone-door to, yet never in heart. Anonymous
7. A mommys and girls affection is rarely by yourself. Viola Shipman
8. Moms are the most unique and powerful skill going as regards for the further gloss of a teenage womans aeration to acting naturally. Hillary L. McBride
9. Moms of girls are tiny girls of moms and have remained in this need, going on for and regarding, linked to circles, postscript for eternity ago. Signe Hammer
10. The more a woman knows the subtleties of her mothers suppleness, the more ashore the woman. Anita Diamant
11. The working mother-woman relationship, you learn when more and subsequent to more, is a consistent decision together along in the middle of variation and acknowledgment.
12. Great girls create colossal moms. Abigail Goodrich Whittelsey
13. To my wonderful tiny lady, consistently recall, you are courageous, you are expert, you are beautiful, and you can come to every part of you might possibly lack!
14. It was handy for me to not environment endearing in that frame of mind of prom sovereigns. At this aspiration, my mommy was for all time helping me to recall how commendable I was. I was a lucky lady. Brittainy 30 Mother Daughter Quotes
15. The existences of a mama and a woman are associated. A mama is the girls spine, she generally upholds her, and a tiny girl is the moms blood, which makes her powerful. Mysterious
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30 Mother Daughter Quotes
30 Mother Daughter Quotes.A daughter is the greatest gift a mother can ever ask for. She’s the one who will light up a mother’s life with all her joy and laughter. Today, many daughters have to work and live their own lives,
sometimes very far away from their mothers. But a daughter can always find time for her mother even if it is just a phone call.30 Mother Daughter Quotes
30 Mother Daughter Quotes
1. “Moms and girls together are a hermetically sealed, incredible powerhouse.” – Melia Keeton-Digby
2. “A mother and a girl generally allocation a unique esteem, which is engraved regarding their souls.” – Anonymous
3. “Words are sufficiently not to communicate the unrestricted elevate that exists in the midst of a mom and a tiny girl.” – Caitlin Houston
4. “A mom and a girl have one soul for two, which can’t be uncharacteristic by period, obstructions, make unfriendly, and put-downs.” – Anonymous
5. “No girl and mother at any mitigation sentient divided, regardless of the disaffect along with them.” – Christie Watson
6. “Mother and girl never genuinely ration, perhaps in set against, yet never in heart.” – Anonymous
7. “A mother’s and woman’s affection is rarely single-handedly.” – Viola Shipman
8. “Moms are the most unique and powerful adroitness going approaching for the fee of a teenage woman’s freshening to acting naturally.” – Hillary L. McBride
9. “Moms of girls are tiny girls of moms and have remained in this habit, happening for and as regards, joined to circles, past constantly ago.” – Signe Hammer
10. “The more a lady knows the subtleties of her mother’s liveliness, the more beached the lady.” – Anita Diamant
11. “The lively mother-woman association, you learn bearing in mind more and when more, is a consistent decision together amid variation and acknowledgment.” –
12. “Great girls make massive moms.” – Abigail Goodrich Whittelsey
13. “To my wonderful tiny woman, consistently remember, you are brave, you are practiced, you are beautiful, and you can come to anything you might possibly nonattendance!
14. “It was easy for me to not environment endearing in that frame of mind of prom sovereigns. At this reduction, my mommy was for eternity helping me to remember how commendable I was. I was a privileged girl.” – Brittainy 30 Mother Daughter Quotes
15. The existences of a mama and a girl are connected. A mama is the girls spine, she generally upholds her, and a little girl is the moms blood, which makes her powerful. Mysterious
Read More 30 Mother Daughter Quotes
Inspirational Mother–Daughter Quotes
16. A mother shows her little girl how to feel generally herself, incredibly roughly taking care of tension, around savoring reproductions delights and overcoming fears. Melissa Harrison
17. The relationship along amidst guardians and youngsters, however particularly encompassed by moms and little girls, is colossally strong, barely to be grasped in any analytic quirk. Joyce Carol Oates
18. A motherdaughter bond is the fine-space favoring, subsequently that makes me one favored mother since I have you. Stephanie Lahart
19. Of the multitude of tormenting snapshots of parenthood, barely any position considering hearing your own words emerge from your little girls mouth. Victoria Secunda
20. My mother, she is delightful, relaxed at the edges, and tempered following a spine of steel. I longing to be credited behind earliest and be when her. Jodi Picoult
21. Motherdaughter conflicts were, looking back, essentially mother expressing the sound and little girl taking her own flavorful period coming in the area of. Barbara Delinsky
22. A mother who emanates self-reverence and self-acknowledgment really inoculates her little girl when to low self-idolization. Naomi Wolf
23. Moms and girls are nearest in the at this point little girls become moms. Mysterious
24. Mothering is a confusing undertaking. To begin with, you make a private, all-retaining add-on once your girl. Then you spend the roost of your reenactment figuring out how to go along her go. Judy Ford
25. Moms and little girls are essential for each additional items cognizance, in swing degrees and in a trade flaunting, however yet considering the shared reasonability of something which has forever been there. Edith Wharton
26. The unaccompanied lift up along together in the center of a mother and a girl cannot be spoiled, and just this idolization has no restrictions. It fills in the tune of the total single long periods of day and never blurs. Mysterious
27. A mother is the independent individual on the planet who can perspective a little girls stresses and fears into bliss. Mysterious
28. A little girl without her mom is a woman harm. A misfortune goes to joint pain and settles profound into her bones. Letty Cottin Pogrebin
29. Mother and girl association is an exceptional bond that traverses the years. Through giggling, dismay, grins, and tears. A feeling of trust that cant be broken, a seriousness of reverence some of the time implicit. Unknown
30. All mothers qualities are consumed by the little girls character in this way that its not resolved where the mama closes and the girl starts. Its airtight wizardry. Unknown
A mother will always be there to love you, even when you’re an adult. For a daughter, their mom is their first friend and the first person who always has their back.
A mother and daughter can enjoy the beauty of nature together. A mother and daughter can go shopping together. A mother and daughter can share the best and worst times of their lives together. A mother and daughter can be the best of companions.
A mother will always be there to love you. Even when you
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“Defenses are like winter coats. At one point they helped keep us safe, but now that we are somewhere new, or the seasons have changed they no longer serve us and can actually hurt us.” — Hillary L. McBride, PhD. “Wisdom of Your Body,” (p. 117).
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We need each other as women, and whenever there is an opportunity to celebrate each other, let us see that opportunity as a political act. We do not need to compete for our “enoughness”, we do not need to drag each other down. There is enough space for us all to thrive.
Hillary L. McBride
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Trauma (I’m sorry it’s long!)
This is a layman talking. I don’t have any qualifications, only experience with my own trauma. @couriers-mile thank you for writing your post, it gave me the courage to write mine.
I’m thinking of all the people who have not (as far as they are concerned) been sexually assaulted.
Instead they were touched intimately and without their permission. But because it wasn’t as bad as what others (men and woman btw) have gone through some as children or adults. They don’t call it trauma. Because it wasn’t as bad.
Please hear me.
It is.
That warm hot unpleasant feeling you had boiling in your tummy. A feeling of dread or fear while being touched and maybe even a feeling of complete bewilderment. Of feeling your autonomy taken from you in other words as you came to terms, feeling helpless. It’s that feeling helpless and having no way to get yourself out of that situation if your mind just froze and you “let it happen” or “you expected worse”.
Our brains and bodies want us to survive. I do believe it’s not just fight or flight in our brains but freeze too. Just think about when you heard something in the dark and you froze waiting with bated breath for another sound?
Please groping is also still abuse.
Being touched without permission even when it was with someone you trusted is still abuse it can become trauma.
Some of us will seek out more touch, to negate that feeling. Some of us avoid almost all touch to spare ourselves ever experiencing it again.
Some of seem to cope just fine. Until a moment, a smell, a familiar looking face, a sound pulls us back to this extreme feeling and memory.
If you don’t believe that let me ask you if you’ve ever smelt something, maybe something your mum had cooked before and it took you back to when you were little? Or when a particular season rolls past and you always get a bit melancholy when you see the autumn leaves fall, you remember your first love or maybe even the first death of someone close to you.
Trauma is also an extreme emotion paired with a horrible event. Your brain has stored it to make sure you don’t ever get into a situation like that again. But like a smoke detector that’s gone faulty sometimes a smell might set it off to make you go and hide. You don’t know why but your brain has stored all the sensory information of that moment to keep you safe in future.
Please, please don’t make light of your trauma. It is there waiting like an IED, waiting to hijack your brain, go talk to a professional.
I’m gonna be honest here. Some people will make light of the pain your body went through.
The ultimate thing is, the actual thing is, is this: you live in your body, it’s your body for heaven’s sake you shouldn’t be living with this pain just because others think it “wasn’t a big deal” or “you should get over it” or “they were obviously just experimenting” or “if you forgive it will go away”. Please, please go get the help you deserve.
Your body is a wonderland as John Mayer puts it.
It deserves to feel whole,, you deserve to feel whole, to experience joy without it being marred by shame and self hatred. And remember: you would never ask for your body to be violated in any way. It’s not you. Whether you drank too much or were just kissing and then the partner just didn’t stop.
I’m sorry. So sorry that you’ve gone through this. As a survivor let me ask you to never ask this: if you had a daughter or son who went through this would you get them help? Would you fight for them? If so why don’t you fight for yourself?
Some of us have been so broken. So hurt, shamed for speaking up and then just kept quiet. We don’t have much self worth left. Some of us are told over an over again that you don’t matter as much as the peace or another person who is deemed more important. Sometimes we believe the lie. That we are worthless. So yes we would fight for our children in a way we wouldn’t for ourselves because we see a worth in them. Ourselves not so much. Please don’t use those tropes that seem like smart words. Just sit with us. Be with us, cry with us and be there. Empower us to pickup the pieces, encourage us to get help and NEVER laugh off a problem. It’s big for us. We have to find our own way out of the darkness.
If you’re looking for books to read or people to listen to, they have often saved my sanity, is
The body keeps score by Bessel Van Der Kolk, MD. I prefer the audio because it was just easier and some things were hard to listen to and can be triggering so I’m putting it out there. Sometimes it would be months before i could go back and listen some more but the next person:
Hillary L Mcbride has been on numerous podcasts and does an entire program to do with anxiety and stress. It’s on the Liturgist.com website. If you’re worried about religious overtones, it doesn’t have it she explains things in a way that normal people can understand what psychologist everywhere understand but cant or wont explain. She does a podcast called other people’s problems. But seriously look her up. She did this whole episode called self image and embodiment on the liturgist podcast and i had to stop what I was doing and just sit in the moment because it wow it made me feel seen. Especially as a woman.
If anyone has any other places or people to look at feel free to put them up! But also if it could be triggering put a warning in place.
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Dr. Ramani Durvasula – Narcissism 101 – on the Trust Me podcast
https://www.podcastone.com/episode/52-Dr-Ramani-Durvasula-Narcissism-101
Trust Me podcast hosted by Lola Blanc and Meagan Elizabeth
Are you a narcissist? Statistically, it's possible! Dr. Ramani Durvasula joins Lola and Meagan for a clinic on all things narcissism. They discuss whether narcissists are born or made, how narcissism differs from psychopathy, why dating a narcissist is similar to being in a cult, and whether it's possible to prevent someone from becoming a narcissist.
11:40 What are some of the tell-tale signs?
21:00 psychological and physical abuse
26:00 psychopaths and narcissists.
29:00 psychopaths have no remorse
32:00 narcissistic supply
34:00 temperament is the biologically inherited part of our personality
35:00 Cult leaders need for full control, power and domination over other people in essence to do their bidding and to continually give them narcissistic supply. grandiose, they isolate people, generate shame in their followers, arrogance, gaslighting, impulsive.
38:30 Getting out. Trauma bonding, cognitive dissonance
41:00 Magical experience
42:00 manufactured emotional experiences, love-bombing
43:00 No-one will ever love you the way I do.
1:00:00 communal narcissists
1:01:00 All cults are pyramid schemes
1:04:20 Raising children
1:16:40 Shame after leaving… there is not a foolish bone in your body. You are just a human.
1:18:05 Cults are about taking away the identity of the membership so they can’t fight back. That is a narcissistic relationship. … in the bigger cults it is psychopathy. … Psychopaths go big on the cults. Malignant narcissists actually run smaller franchises.”
____________________________
Dr. Ramani Durvasula Youtube channel:
https://www.youtube.com/c/DoctorRamani
Glossary of Narcissistic Relationships videos:
What is "future faking"?
What is "scapegoating"?
What is "trauma bonding"?
What is "baiting"?
What is "codependency"?
Have you been lovebombed by a communal narcissist?
What is "narcissistic rage"?
What is "mirroring"?
____________________________
Books:
You Are WHY You Eat: Change Your Food Attitude, Change Your Life (January 1, 2013)
Should I Stay or Should I Go: Surviving A Relationship with a Narcissist (October 24, 2017)
Mothers, Daughters, and Body Image: Learning to Love Ourselves as We Are (October 31, 2017) – with Hillary L. McBride
Don’t You Know Who I Am: Staying Sane in an Era of Narcissism, Entitlement and Incivility (2019)
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Bedeni ve kendisi ile sağlıklı bir ilişki kurmayı arzulayan, kendisini olduğu gibi sevmeyi öğrenmeyi dileyenleri ve bir kız çocuğu yetiştiren herkesi bir yolculuğa çıkaran değerli bir eser. Milyonlarca kadın, özdeğerini bedeni üzerinden tanımlıyor. Medya, eril dil, yetiştirilme tarzımız gibi etkenlerin gölgesinde ideal beden sancıları içinde yaşayan kadınlar için Psikolog Hillary L. McBride, bedenimizi nesneleştirmenin anlamsızlığını ve buna neden olan tuzakları anlatıyor. İdeal beden algısı yeme bozukluklarına yol açarken, yaşamı nasıl ele aldığımızın ve onu nasıl yaşadığımızın da belirleyici faktörü olabiliyor. McBride, değerimizin başkalarının hakkımızdaki düşüncelerine, hayatta sergilediğimiz performansa bağlı olmadığının altını çiziyor. Kendi hikayesini, bu kitap için görüştüğü anne ve kızların hikayesini maskesiz, yalın bir biçimde okuyucuya rehber olabilecek şekilde paylaşıyor. Sürekli güncellenen bir güzellik anlayışının gölgesinde, cesurca kendimiz olarak, özgün halimizle, güçlü ve incinebilir hallerimizle var olabilmemiz hayatımızda nasıl bir fark yaratır? #bumümkün #bumumkun #kurumsaleğitmen #koç #danışman #koçluk #düşünce #nlp #hipnoz #değişim #farkındalık #dönüşüm #bilinçaltı #odaklanma #liderlik #çeviklik #yaratıcılık #motivasyonkonuşmacısı #motivasyon #hikayeanlatıcısı #retorik #kurumsal #hayalgücü #duygusalzeka #özsaygı (Istanbul, Turkey) https://www.instagram.com/bumumkun/p/CXN4CMgqIat/?utm_medium=tumblr
#bumümkün#bumumkun#kurumsaleğitmen#koç#danışman#koçluk#düşünce#nlp#hipnoz#değişim#farkındalık#dönüşüm#bilinçaltı#odaklanma#liderlik#çeviklik#yaratıcılık#motivasyonkonuşmacısı#motivasyon#hikayeanlatıcısı#retorik#kurumsal#hayalgücü#duygusalzeka#özsaygı
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Mothers, Daughters, and Body Image: Learning to Love Ourselves as We Are - Hillary L. McBride & Ramani Durvasula http://dlvr.it/RKxs5v http://dlvr.it/RKxs5v
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Once we understand the pain cycle, we can identify the parts we can work with and do something about. This often starts with naming the second arrow using a skill called mindfulness...
Start by recognizing what your inner critic is saying about your body...
Imagine what you might say next time you notice the second arrow. You could start with, “Oh, there’s that second arrow,” or “Wow, this is hard to catch. I’m doing that thing again where I criticize myself.”
Learn to shift your attention by replacing your inner critic with something compassionate. Take a breath or shift your body into a more relaxed posture.
Hillary L. McBride, PhD, The Wisdom Of Your Body
#the pain cycle#chronic pain#hillary mcbride#The Wisdom of Your Body#inner critic#inner nurturer#mindfulness#second arrow
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How We Become Disembodied
But body-image research shows that the closer we get to achieving our ideal appearance, the more conditional our sense of worth becomes, and the more we fear what it will cost us when our appearance inevitably changes.
Hillary L. McBride, PhD, The Wisdom Of Your Body
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As I listened and learned, I became increasingly interested in disrupting the systems that label certain bodies as problematic or dangerous. As an outflowing of that, I wanted to find out how I had internalized those systems and body-stories and how I continued enacting them against myself and others.
Feeling restricted to only two options was a trope of myths about power and oppression that I was implicated in. I believed I had to choose between perfection or inaction, with no space in between. For all my trying, I am failing at this constantly. Often in public. And as messy as these public failings may be, they invite me to continue to learn, and they make me responsible to pull at the threads that are hard for me to see at first but that are creating real hurt for others.
Hillary L. McBride, PhD, The Wisdom Of Your Body
#hillary mcbride#The Wisdom of Your Body#body image#oppression#failing#learn#listen#perfectionism#unlearning
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While the staircase model can help us make sense of being human more broadly, the stress response itself remains unique to each of us depending on our life experiences. Whatever patterns we have used most in the past are the ones that form neurological grooves in our brain-body system. Just as water running over rocks changes the shape of the rocks, our thinking/behaving/responding changes our neurobiology, making it easier for our nervous system to instinctively take that pathway in the future. For example, if asking for help in the past has worked, it's going to be easier for us to take that social engagement step now than it would be if we had tried it in the past and were shamed or mocked, or we experienced even more violence or hurt as a result.
Hillary L. McBride, PhD, The Wisdom Of Your Body
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If we have never been shown what is on the other side of feeling and all we know is that intensity is rising in our bodies, we will do whatever we can to get away from that sensation. This is where defenses come in.
A defense is a catchall category for anything we do to avoid our feelings... A defense is different from an otherwise acceptable activity because a defense is used to get away from what it feels like to be us or to avoid the emotion that is trying to get our attention. A defense isn't necessarily a bad thing; sometimes it's too much of a good thing, or sometimes we're using an otherwise good thing to get away from feeling something. Having a glass of wine to get away from our feelings is different from having a glass of wine because it complements the meal. The same is true of learning, laughter, and eating.
Although defenses keep us away from our emotions, they do serve a purpose: they protect us from emotional experiences that we feel unable to tolerate alone or experiences we feel scared to move toward; they also protect us from emotions that we hare been shamed or punished for feeling in the past.
Hillary L. McBride, PhD, The Wisdom Of Your Body
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You might have heard someone say something like, "My head is saying one thing, but my gut is saying another." In other words, "What I know in the higher-order part of my brain has not trickled down into the lower, felt-sense part of my brain. There's a disconnect." When it comes to changing our sense of self and moving away from an over-fixation on appearance, the best way to get what we know about body positivity into our felt sense of ourselves is to have new experiences and to savor them...
When we are hyperaware of our outward appearance, our inner awareness often suffers. Learning to tune in to the inside of ourselves interoceptively (for example, noticing sensation in bladder, heart, stomach, and lungs), and practicing that regularly, has been shown to improve body image. Interoception is possible because of all the messages that run from our body to our spinal cord (through something called afferent nerves), up to our brain stem, and then into a region very deep within our brain called the insula. Interception is essential for creating the experience of balance and homeostasis, regulating emotion, having a sense of body ownership, and experiencing continuity as a person over time. When we have these experiences, we are training our attention to remember ourselves as more than an appearance, and we are less likely to try to manage our appearance as a means of creating agency in our lives.
(A) way to practice interception is by paying attention to when you are hungry, full, tired, or need to use the toilet... Try asking yourself next time you are hungry, "How do I know I'm hungry? How would I explain this to someone who had never felt hunger before? How do I know that I'm full? What is it like? What senses are telling me that I can stop eating?"
Even if body image is not your concern, practicing interoception is worthwhile. People who are able to notice their interoceptive cues and do so with a high degree of accuracy are better at completing complex cognitive tasks and using intuition for decision making. In contrast, people who have a low degree of awareness and accuracy around interoceptive cues are more likely to see their body as an object, and they are more likely to struggle with depression and eating disorders.
Hillary L. McBride, PhD, The Wisdom Of Your Body
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