Lucius Fox is in the drive thru for some coffee, and like. He's just. He's had a time, okay?
He's stuck on some equations in regard to the amount of torsion a joint would go through if it's half in his dimension and half in another, and it's driving him up a wall.
He's been up for like forty-eight hours, he's tired, he's thirsty, he just wants a coffee, and also how to solve this dilemma.
He doesn't expect the barista in the drive-thru he's ranting about the engineering issues to actually provide decent feedback, and give him a few alternatives.
So he rushes to the pick-up window, not even caring to order, to look at this godsend of a barista.
It's a scrawny kid with black hair and blue eyes, looking startled. Boy can't be more than eighteen.
He asks what college the kid is going to, or plans to go to.
To his absolute horror, the kid-Danny, according to the nametag-says he can't afford college. That he'd had a stint in highschool where he just hadn't been able to focus, and his parents had spent every penny they had on their own inventions.
So that was why he was a barista; because if he worked there for four years, they would offer tuition assistance.
Which.
No. No no no no no.
Lucius pulls around to march into the store, Bruce Motherfucking Wayne already blearily on his phone.
He is getting this kid, and any friend of his, into college.
If Bruce won't foot the bill, he will.
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#attempted murder for the ask game! 🌱
"...So I'm dead now," Danny ends his story, face in his hands.
"You were dead before this," Sam points out. She takes a bite out of her perfectly carved celery sticks.
"I know, but now I'm dead dead," Danny groans, earning a pat on the back from Tucker. "Like. Dash pushed me off a bridge. And sure, it was an accident, but come on! There's no way I could survive that if I wasn't...me! I can't, like, reappear after that! I should have been a goner!"
"I mean, it was probably an accident," Tucker adds encouragingly, continuing the patting. It's well meant but not helpful in the slightest. Danny groans.
"Congrats on faking your death by accident," Sam says through her celery. She offers Danny a celery stick in commiseration. He eats it, but it tastes like nothing. "Have any big plans?"
"I dunno. Die?"
"You did that already," Tucker and Sam point out.
Danny puts his face in his hands. "I... Did he even report me? Did he even report that he probably killed me? Like...to anyone?"
Tucker pulls out his newest PDA, Pollyanna. A few taps of the stylus. Some scrolling "...Nah, dude. No news, no cops. Legally, you're still alive."
And they sit there, in Sam's room, in silence, wondering how one of their classmates managed to mostly get away with murder.
"...Think he'll cry if you show up to school tomorrow like nothing happened?" Sam mutters, more out of spite than anything.
Everyone looks at each other.
"...Ten bucks," Tucker says.
"No bet. I do the scary eyes and he probably pisses his pants," Danny snorts.
"It's a deal," Sam decides. "All in on making Dash have a mental breakdown?"
Hands go in. One, two, three— Danny and Tucker whoop as their three hands go up, the two high-fiving as Sam holds in her cackle.
"Jazz is going to kill us," Danny snickers, almost guilty.
"After Dash killed you? Please. If anything, Jazz might fetch the Jack O' Nine Tails and kill him first."
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Bruce being just as guilty of introducing Jason to people like he is but a small little guy.
Bruce at gala supporting youth literary comprehension programs: Have you met my son Jason? As stubborn as kids can be I managed to get him to attend.
Beneficiary: oh that’s wonderful! Does your son enjoy literature?
Bruce: oh absolutely! That’s what convinced him to even come! He has so many respectable hobbies for someone his age. Kids these days rarely find value in the classics but not Jason! Honestly he reads more, and more in depth, than I do! He’s a little mechanic too! When I first saw him he was trying to take the tires off my car with a lug wrench that was bigger than him! It was quite a sight and a rather unconventional way to meet your son but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Beneficiary, blinks as they try to process all the proud dad info: …well that’s lovely, we have some activities for the children of the donors so that none of them get too bored!
Bruce: that’s great! I’ll let him know. Jason, can you come here for a moment?
A very tall, wide, and muscular man turns around and raises an eyebrow.
What a coincidence, that dude must also be named Jason.
He walks towards them
Jason: what do you want old man?
What
Bruce: there are activities at that table if you’re bored.
Huh
Jason: thanks for the memo but I’m not exactly at coloring book age anymore remember?
Bruce: I suppose you’re right :(
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Danny, due to his biology of being half dead, can eat very questionable things and not die.
He decides to start a youtube channel with this.
He buys obvious shitty supplements online, clear and obvious scams, and takes them as directed for a month.
Then he reports what they did to him, and sends the samples to get tested. He's gotten more than a few scammers arrested by providing solid evidence that they used hazardous materials to make their product.
He gets away with this by claiming to have the power of abnormal metabolism, or an "iron stomach", so toxins aren't as likely to hurt him.
One of his viewers sends him an unmarked bottle of pills, saying that if he doesn't take the entire bottle on a livestream, they'll blow up a city.
Danny does his livestream, and goes out of his way to use the entire bottle of pills in extravagant recipes. By the end of it he's created a five course meal, all with the pills cooked/melted in, and it's become a mukbang.
The villain who sent it is watching the livestream pissed off, because they didn't specify how to take the pills, so this technically counts. The heroes they have trapped are losing their minds with concern.
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