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chrimsone · 6 months

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Hallo! I keep forgetting to link my fics n tumblr but I didn't forget this time!

So fun stuff, I used a clip of my own Crucible match for this chapter. And that clip resulted in a mercy after four minutes! Omg it's crazy how much is happening in such a short amount of time. I promised a friend I'd like show my process for this chapter and I am using this post as an excuse to the process lol.

So first I needed a source video of course. And I couldn't really just take some match off the internet cause I did want to be specific with what I had equipped. I knew I gave Rin an Arc Logic earlier so I had to grab myself an acceptable copy of one. But the Scout of hers isn't based off any in-game one tbh. But I have a massive love for Perseus-D so I decided to just use that as an acceptable replacement. Since Rin is mostly based off how I play the game normally, I ran the usual gear I wear. Wasn't gonna be a problem if knife hands got used at all in the match. After that, I just had to hope I queued into either the Jav-4 or Convergence map. Those two are my favorites and that's where I wanted her first match to be! Happened to be Jav-4 first.

youtube

The fun part was trying to adapt this without the Strand stuff lol. Since at the point of my story not even Stasis has been discovered. Anyways after getting the video then I kinda write out what I experienced on some sheets of paper. Think of it as a rough draft. The starting of me translating what I experience into text form.

From there I take that and then put a City Children lens on it. This goes into an actual doc and since this can be more detailed as I give myself notes and ideas for actual writing. Here's a snapshot of that cause it does take a few pages worth of text.

After this I start actually writing the chapter. While that happens I do cross out the text on the second draft doc. Just helps my eyes from glazing over as I look over all the funny words. Honestly doing all this helped me actually realize some of the callout names for Jav-4! Since the radar provides a name for an area, and to keep my mental map proper I ended up figuring out a decent chunk of the names! Who knows I might actually use them when playing lol.

Pretty much any chapter that focuses on the action has this kinda process to it. The Sundial went thru it! Tho since I didn't have a good PC back in Dawn, I never saved a video of one of those runs. Esoterickk is a true god I used one of his videos on it for reference. Which was still kind of fun! Had to interpret someone else's perspective.

Uh, I guess that's it for this chapter! The process details ended up taking a lot more time to write down than expected lol. If I'm lucky the next chapter won't be 7k words and get out a little quicker. It's not combat focused this time so I don't really need to go thru this process! Though. I have has to use another Esoterickk vid on the Corridors of Time as my memory is fuzzy. Fun hint-hint on what the next chapter is about hehe

#destiny 2 #i am 90% sure i wanted to talk about more #but then i got consumed on the process #curse my brain for working so fast even my fingers struggle to keepup #first its my tongue #and my fingers are like 'yeah i can translate some of this brain think'#but it cant do it all #still i love my fingers #Youtube

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fencesandfrogs · 5 months

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20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @yee-hawlw

1. how many works do you have on ao3?

208!

2. what's your total ao3 wordcount?

524,331

3. what fandoms do you write for?

top five would be warriors, moon knight, star trek, overwatch, and homestuck. i haven't posted anything for overwatch or homestuck in AGES tho, and i've got a good number of fic plans for fandoms i've never posted for. i just like to be complicated like that ig.

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

burned off the tapestry; drarry. written in high school.

ashes; squirrelflight/ashfur. in dear deserving of an update. i'll get there. eventually.

if i ever get the nerve to say hello; k/s accidentally secret relationship where uhura thinks she's dating spock.

better left unsaid; po3 slight-crack about everyone knowing the three aren't biologically squirrelflight's.

a cool summer night (and this sweet breeze); some hollywillow/kestreljay nonsense. can't believe this one is in my top 5. i don't even ship kestreljay. i don't even LIKE kestreljay. it's only in this fic because the premise required it.

5. do you respond to comments? why or why not?

i try, but not very often. honestly sometimes i forget, sometimes i'm busy, sometimes it's just too much. basically all my fics have moderated comments because i have had Issues with commentors in the past, but. i collect the comments in my inbox and love them very mcuh.

6. what is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

oof, tough question. i'm gonna go with "anything at all," which uh. ends with a mother finding her teenage daughter dead by drug overdose. i don't think it's my best work, i wrote it when i was like 15, but it's probably the worst ending.

7. what's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oh shit i have to go thru all my fics again? damn. this is easier and harder than the previous one. i like to write happy endings! i prefer it! but i limited myself to only fics with happy endings, not, like. fluff pieces that are all happy. and with that, i'm gonna go with "i see the moonlight steal across your sheets." yes, it is the daddy kink tigerdove one, but it has a very happy ending with very little bittersweet.

runners up include: "a firefly is forever (you know my answer)", "a tree called life," and "it's mere assignment."

8. do you get hate on fic?

rarely. in my inbox is more common. i moderate comments for a reason tho LOL.

i think people on ao3 are much less likely to have problems with me because things are always tagged and warned for. you can't really go into a fic from me and not know what you're getting into.

9. do you write smut?

yes, but i haven't finished anything to publish. which is funny. because i write a lot of smut. [i do have one explicit fic, but. it's not smut.]

10. do you write crossovers?

my first ever fic (written and posted when i was ten) was a crossover. other than that...i write fusions, sometimes. i have a warriors & night circus crossover which is a proper crossover but doesn't really engage with the world as a crossover, if that makes sense. they're not really my thing tho.

11. have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i remember? i think i've had to address people over copied paragraphs, but i don't think i remember the details of that. it could've been me noticing someone else's work being copied.

12. have you ever had a fic translated?

yes! and it was very kind of the person who did so.

13. have you ever co-written a fic before?

...it's complicated.

i'm working on a co-written fic rn tho.

14. what's your all-time favorite ship?

character named james who goes by something else X guy who is constantly getting into situations.

(not really a joke, three of my favorite tags on ao3 fit this description. house/wilson, k/s, steve/bucky.)

15. what's a WIP you want to finish but probably won't?

ohf, i'll admit it here ig. i have a shrewsquirrel piece, "waiting for me in some unholy sunlight," that i really adore. but uh the ending. it ends in a bittersweet way, and uh. well. the ending i had planned ended up more-or-less happening irl. so. i can't. i just can't.

16. what are your writing strengths?

tenacity. lol. uh, i think i'm good at description when i let myself get into it. and i think i'm good at like. the structural elements of writing.

17. what are your writing weaknesses?

actually fucking finishing things. and. i've gotten a lot better at it, but i still struggle to keep a balance between narration and dialogue. sometimes it feels like there are pages between two sentences in a conversation.

18. thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in a fic?

goddamn this is something i've done. i think i've mentioned most of the fics involving this here also. okay. so. i'm going to answer with what i do, because there's not, like, one right solution to this. what i prefer to do is keep everything in english, and use dialogue tags to specify what language is being spoken. however, if it's a single word, or a specific phrase, i might keep it in the original language, for flavor/"it's a concept that doesn't translate well."

i have written a fic with sentences in spanish, and i took a long time to make hover translations work, except it doesn't have accents because to this day i can't figure out how to make it work. sobbing and crying etc.

i don't think i would do that with a language i didn't know. in that case, the character being latina was important to how i wanted to angle the story, so it made sense. i'm not sure if i'd do that in a different situation?

basically i play things very by ear. if i was writing a physical book with pages, i would use footnotes fairly heavily, but it's not the same on ao3. you have to lose your place to check a footnote. like, even if it's linked back to the spot (which, y'know, i would do, now that i know how to make footnotes), it jars you a bit.

19. first fandom you wrote for?

i'll give you half the cross over, MLP:FIM

20. favorite fic you've written?

that would be telling ;3

tagging @kudossi, @creed-of-cats, and @secondyearpigeon, with no pressure. anyone else who wants to is welcome <3

#mine #tag game

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deedala · 11 months

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Having just finished a big family BBQ (all my clothes and hair still smell of smoke, but I’m too tired to do anything about it, so my bed’s gonna smell of smoke until I change the sheets after work tomorrow CRINE) - - aaanyway…

Post S11:

Who do you think is the best at organising regular get togethers?

Who regularly drags their feet and/or cancels or simply no shows last minute? And for what reason?

Where do the get togethers take place?

Of what nature are they?

Is there something one of them learns to do or always ensure they cook/bake/bring for these family events?

I’m having Gallagher Family Feels m’kay? m’kay!

lolol ok i accept this peace offering!!

Who do you think is the best at organising regular get togethers?

gosh thats gotta be debbie right? not only is it extremely important to her but she also LOVES that shit. though i also like to think lip is also very adamant that weekly dinner and other events are not shirked! and of course liam is always very invested in everyone being together as well.

Who regularly drags their feet and/or cancels or simply no shows last minute? And for what reason?

im gonna say carl 😆 i can see him going into his like bachelor boy era or some shit. being flaky to party with buddies and hook up with girls lol

Where do the get togethers take place?

i think eventually mickey and ian can host sometimes. otherwise its hard to say cuz i have some different thoughts/wishes about what happens with the gallagher house after the funeral. but yeah i guess if we assume they all move out then lip/tami/liam/freddies place would probably end up being the most accommodating, also debbie and franny’s place because debbie loves hosting 😊

also do we think carl buys the alibi and becomes a bartender? i kind of like this idea, but that his version of the alibi is just slightly less of a “shithole” (elevated slightly by the money and ideas of former officer tipping) and therefore makes more money, so the fam still loves having parties there.

Of what nature are they?

weekly family dinner

all the holidays which are often full day gatherings

all the birthdays

celebrations for first day of summer vacation

every time someone has a big career or school milestone

fiona finally visits (crine)

the ball family visits!!!!!! (its been so depressing leaving them out of all these other answers)

and lots of random meet ups and hangouts in between just because someone offers to order pizza and kfc and have everyone over to watch a show together or hang out in the backyard pool(or apartment complex pool) cuz its a super hot evening!

Is there something one of them learns to do or always ensure they cook/bake/ bring for these family events?

debbie loves making pie right?? would it be too silly to say lip gets really into cooking and likes to make like proper cooked from scratch type meals 😆 ian … gosh i have to right?? ian likes making tomato sauce from his tomato garden and bringing it over for whoever is hosting to use on the pasta or lasagna or pizza whatever they’re making that night 😌

I'm having Gallagher Family Feels m'kay? m'kay!

it IS okay but now you’ve inflicted then upon me havent you!!!!!! so thanks 🥺🥹🥺🥹

send me asks!

#i loved these thank you!!!!#omg i an spiraling though haaaahh!!!!!!#asks🌱#michellemisfit

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linkslastbraincell · 7 months

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IDK why I have such Strong Opinions about the Hateno House Debate BUT for what it's worth;

my problem with the switch of Link's house becoming Zelda's house is that there's no in-game text I've seen referring to them living together, unless you interpret her saying Link never leaves her side that way, which would work for me, BUT the only thing that's really Link's is at the bottom of Zelda's secret well-lab that I'm pretty sure she mentions is also hidden from Link. I saw someone reference the Champion's Ballad picture in the house, too, but those were also Zelda's friends so of course she'd have it up. So I wish that chest was in the bedroom or main room so it felt more like Link actually lived there-- tbh my presumption was that before totk Link literally slept outside like a watch dog, cause it seems like the kind of thing a feral golden retriever like him would do. Like,they have a twin size bed? You cannot tell me neither of them flail in their sleep. If they both slept in that bed they'd wake up tangled in the sheets each sporting a black eye. And I think it's kinda sad if Zelda just like. Never pushed him to customize his own space. Idk I just want them to actually get to be people between games. ANYWAY all that is to say it doesn't matter because I'm assuming either the devs don't view Link as a character, he's just a guy that gets dropped into the world as an avatar for the player, and/or they want you to make up your own mind. So like whatever live ur zelink dreams! BUT the whole reason I'm writing this is BECAUSE I HATE. THE DREAM HOUSE!! LOL. So I'm like if they lived together, what's even the point of the dream house? I'm guessing the idea was either a) well if you want your own customizable space here it is, or b) if you prefer to think of them as friends, here! You can give Link his own house! But because it's such a big game the dream homes.... are terrible. They're ugly. They're depressing. I'm sticking my poor traumatized blorbo in a bunch of shipping containers and hoping he doesn't worsen his depression with vitamin D deprivation. And the decor is.... awful. Like don't get me wrong, I like the little pre-furnished rooms. But if you're gonna give me a house and a yard that big to customize you gotta give me like. Minecraft or animal crossing levels of customization because the landscaping is depressing as hell. I wanna be able to add windows and pots and tables and gardens I design myself, not buy a room pre-furnished. So, as a non-game dev who didn't break their back making this game and is instead enjoying back-seat designing from the comfort and ignorance of my home pc, what do I suggest? I wish!!! they let us!!!! Add on to the Hateno house!!! Wanna give Link his own space? Add a bed room for him. Add a storage room for his weapon displays. Upgrade the paddock. Add a shrine statue if you're too lazy to go into town proper! I really loved the landscaping of the old spot so the new one feels pretty sad to me (though don't get me wrong, the pond below the cliff he lives on is so cute, I love that spot). I wish we could at least add flowers and a proper pond to the main yard lol. Anyway I hope they get the chance to add more to the dream home if they wind up doing DLC despite their announcement to the contrary, but I understand the game is already a LOT of ideas and they aren't going to touch up all of them.

#totk #totk spoilers #the dream home problem #I'm rambling none of this matters #we got what we got interpret it however you like #I'm just greedy and crave More #and maybe I'm addicted to minecraft lol

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lissomelle · 1 year

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First Lines Fic Meme

Tagged in a first-lines-of-fic meme by the diabolical (and wonderful) @hmsharmony!

Rules: share the first lines of ten of your most recent fanfics and tag however many people you like. If you have written fewer than ten, don’t be shy and share anyway!

Tagging: @morewonders, @theopensea, @spurlunk, @bananaleaves, any other writers who want to do this 😘

There’s going to be a lot of WIPs here, lol — additional asterisk that anything unpublished is not set in stone. I have more in the drafts, but this is more than enough. (Telling myself I’m allowed to post because I’m actively working on most of these!!)

* * *

1. untitled post-s2 fic — in-progress | Shadow & Bone (TV), Nikolai/Zoya/Alina/Mal + permutations

The shadow demon wakes him in the dead of night on the palace rooftop.

Or the edge of it, as it were. Shivering, palms smarting and feet bare against the crushed tiles as the wind tears at his thin shirt and trousers, Nikolai employs his years on the sea to swear profoundly.

Sleepwalking. Again.

2. untitled canon divergence AU fic — in-progress | Shadow & Bone (TV), Alina/Mal

The first thing Alina learns in Ketterdam is that the Crows are proper criminals.

When Kaz isn’t dispensing alarming advice (“Preferable when the blood on your hands isn’t your own”); Inej isn’t sharing leads on honest work; and Jesper’s not eyeing a conquest, losing money, and recommending pleasure and leisure establishments like mayor of the city all at once — they’re a sleek, secretive unit. A deadly one, if the rumors are true. Their discretion doesn’t slip so much as deliberately lower when it might benefit to leave a fingerprint. A warning that they were there.

They know the city better than anyone, but more importantly, the city increasingly knows them.

3. untitled post-canon fic — in-progress | Moon Knight (TV), Marc/Layla/Steven

Despite everything, two constants remain in Layla’s life:

One, Marc still disappears.

Two, most times, Steven’s there instead.

She doesn’t know how this works. Being good at math never prepared her for having half a husband or two husbands or just many, many shards of a man. Fractions don’t explain the way Marc and Steven will flow into each other now, quicksilver fast, just as they don’t explain why or when one will stay while the other leaves.

4. untitled canon divergence AU fic — in-progress | Knives Out, Marta/Ransom

What’ll you do when I’m gone?

Marta had her fingers at his wrist, counting beats to measure his pulse. That’s not for a long time, Harlan. God willing.

You need an adventure. Go now, send me postcards and pictures. Crack open the bone and suck the marrow out of life!

You wouldn’t last a day.

5. untitled canon divergence AU fic — in-progress | King of Scars, Zoya/Nikolai

In their record-breaking run of poor ideas, Zoya thinks, this has to be the worst.

Lying side by side, the space between them feels narrower by the moment.

“I would make you my queen because I want you.” In the dark of the cargo hold, Zoya can’t be sure of Nikolai’s expression but his words sound certain. “I want you all the time.”

6. sanctity of our own devising (Mature) | King of Scars, Zoya/Nikolai

Sainthood is its own kind of death.

In the long, slanted hand of history, she is already being worn smooth, iconified yet also erased. Names rise and fall like snow in Ravka. Pure, cleansed by the storms that wrought them. Such is the way of Saints, bodies and humanity alike spent in the making of sanctity. Only one lives to rule a nation, scholars have begun to write.

Daughter of the Wind. Dragon Queen. Herald of a new age.

7. Null and Void (Teen) | To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before, Lara Jean/Peter

The first note is easy.

Just the bottom of a clean sheet ripped out of his notebook and folded twice. Peter doesn’t even think before adding the heart and writing her name outside.

We’re gonna crush this, Covey. Trust.

8. rhythms of unseen drums (Teen) | Black Panther, Nakia/T’Challa

When the world first spoke to Nakia, it chose to murmur.

She discovered early her aptitude for language, her mouth deftly forming words to fit their native shapes. Her teachers encouraged it, offered tomes and music from every country, which she drank up in greedy gulps until she could quote lines by Murakami and sing bars of Edith Piaf with equal ease.

The idea to leave home stayed buried, setting down spindly roots but never peeking above the soil. She thought and then quashed the idea of becoming a translator in the capital city one day; Wakanda’s borders were not hers to open.

9. timbers we place by hand (Teen) | The Punisher, Frank/Karen

The front door won’t shut.

Less than a year of living in a doorman building, and the auto-lock for the entrance is useless because the goddamn door won’t shut all the way. Karen tries coaxing it into place, nudging and wriggling the doorjamb. No good. Sighing, she’s got the number for the front desk pulled up on her phone when the thought appears, unbidden, that this might have been the point. To catch her on the stoop, distracted.

She looks up sharply, sweeping her gaze from left to right and sliding a hand into her bag.

10. The Hollows of Shells (Explicit) | The Scorpio Races, Puck/Sean

To no one’s surprise, Sean Kendrick steps across the threshold of the Connollys’ house so many times it isn’t long before he arrives to an extra place already set at the table and a worn groove in the ancient, battered sofa that fits around him.

Today, however, he stands on the front step, shifting from foot to foot. He has a strong urge to knock on the door even though it’s been months since Puck made an impatient noise and told him he could simply walk in. It feels like an old contract rendered null, the new terms uncertain now that he’s arrived with everything he owns in hand — scant though it is.

#enthusiasm for any of these v much welcome!!! a girl's gotta eat #fic #memes #i'm not strictly speaking ''in fandom'' anymore but sometimes you just do a thing for yourself

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sherlock-is-ace · 2 years

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Season 3 of The Good Doctor is becoming unbearable. All because of Carly btw I used to like her when she first started to become a regular character, now I hate her and everything she does.

Like her relationship with Shaun is so one sided! Shaun has proven to be the most understanding, loyal, honest, decent and kind human being on the face of the earth, and she just takes, takes and takes from him. She has yet to do one selfless thing for her boyfriend and it's driving me insane! What's killing me is that it's written like it's fine, like if her selfishness was a plot point, I would watch it in silence, but it's not!

If you don't watch the show but want to get mad with me, I'm gonna list the things they've done for each other under the cut

Things Shaun has done for Carly:

Gone on a "proper date", to a restaurant full of people even though he didn't like it.

Forced himself to be physically close to her (that was also for him I guess)

Forced himself to get over his aversion for touching more than one thing at a time.

Forced himself to hold her hand even tho he explicitly said he didn't like doing, just because to her, words weren't enough.

Forced himself to be intimate with her so they could have sex at some point. This was done on her terms, whenever she wanted, not when Shaun was ready.

Accepted that Carly didn't want her friends to meet him because they "will think you're weird" (I'm paraphrasing)

Went back to living alone, getting rid of his best friend roomate, who is a girl (granted, they're going to be endgame i think but the characters don't know this lol)

Accepted understandingly when it was her the one that wasn't ready to have sex.

Got slightly obsessed with "improving at sex" so she could have an orgasm.

Things Carly has done for Shaun:

Research ways to improve intimacy that have worked with autistic people (the only good thing she's ever done but I insist she only did it because she wanted to have sex).

Forced him to do things he explicitly said he was uncomfortable doing, just because "that's how you show closeness" (You maybe, you dickhead!)

Got new sheets, matress and lights on her room so Shaun wouldn't have sensory problems when being there (would have been a nice selfless act if she hadn't thrown it back on his face the second things still got too much for him).

Got angry at Shaun for having to leave a situation that was making him uncomfortable and demanded that he'd try again immediatly.

Did the exact same thing Shaun did, in almost the same situation, but expected understanding from him (he of course, was understanding)

Asked him to be honest only to immediately get angry at his honesty (although she apologized later, which I appreciate).

Asked Shaun to not be so close to Lea, his best friend.

Made a bit of a big deal about the fact that she didn't have an orgasm the first time they had sex, being Shaun's first time ever...

I hate herrrrr dfkjdfg

#long post #like even with the cut is long lol #sorry i have THOUGHTS #angel watches the good doctor #angel talks

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the-abyss-gang · 1 year

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< this blog may contain swearing >

i'll keep editing this as time goes on dw-

welcome to my blog about my ocs!

i sometimes forget about tumblr, and i switch hyperfixations, so sorry if im not as active lmao

my main acc is @gayveelutions

this blog is basically me just roleplaying as my ocs from a story im doing!!! :D

when i post as them, i'll use these emojis to represent each character talking:

Butter: 💛

Allium: 🔮

Dusk: 🌱

<> (also known as Bracket): 🐾

Flutter: 🦋

Puppet: 🧸

Smoky Cloud: ☁️

Cloud: 💎

Asteria: 📓

Ash: 🌸

i'll make proper ref sheets eventually but take these for now :p

above me rn is Butter (they/them)

they're the main character, and a shapeshifter :)

heres a shading-less version :)

this one is Allium! (She/They)

she's cursed, all im gonna say, cuz no spoilers :)

This is Dusk! (She/They)

she's actually missing a leg, long story.

she can heal others, and fly, cuz wings :)

<>! (He/They + neos)

who's also named Bracket, courtesy of my friend! (shoutout, you know who you are ;3)

he has no mouth, so he draws one on!

he's half plush, and squeaks instead of speaking!

here's Flutter! (she/it)

she's actually an old oc of mine that ive repurposed, she's the keeper of the plushes!

and heres Puppet! the main antagonist (so far ;)) (any pronouns)

they can turn others into plushes :)

here's Smoky Cloud!

(He/They)

he's cool :)

he has beef with Cloud though, as she stole his name smh

This is Cloud! (She/Her)

she's really important to the plot, no spoilers though ;p

And this is Asteria! (She/They)

she's a librarian, taking care of books about multiple subjects!!

and fhis is Ash! (they/them)

they're kinda my self-insert, kinda not??

they also work at the library with Asteria!!

they probably won't appear in the series or blog that often, but why not add them ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

OH NEVER MIND TGAT, TUMBLR 10 POST LIMIT

EH YOU'LL SEE THEM EVENTUALLY

how tf do you make this stuff lmaoo

anyways, im the 'actor' here ig lmao

i'm Leif/Ash! I use any pronouns, but i prefer They/Them!

whenever i talk, i'll put #leif/ash talks in the tags lmao

for any of my ocs here, i'll put <their name> talks instead lol

i'm currently 17 don't be weird pls

i draw everything

i write everything

help me

#leifberry #ocs #oc rp #leif/ash talks

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dogbeegone · 3 years

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I’ve been thinking about doing this for a while so i’m just gonna do it.

This is my ranking of worst to best smelling hargreeves sibling! - i also wanna add that i will not be including ben because he is unfortunately dead and does not have a scent lol

6. Luther

In dead last place is Luther. it is literally canon that Luther smells bad and it’s talked about in both season 1 and season 2. i feel like if he put in the effort, he could smell better but i also feel like he just doesn’t give a shit about what he smells like (although i will say that luther in season 2 seems like he’d smell a bit better than season 1)

5. Five

In fifth place is number Five himself. first, i can’t imagine how awful he smelt during the apocalypse, but i also feel like he would’ve kept himself hygienic while working with the commission. but now that he’s back to being in a teens body + the constant running around and doing things, i feel like he smells like sweat and body oder (especially since he’s going through puberty again and he all know how bad teen boys smell during puberty). he also wears the same thing for the whole duration of season 2 so i just know he doesn’t smell good then

4. Klaus

Just like how Five is in fifth, number Four is forth (i’m not doing this on purpose lol). as a teen, klaus probably smelt great. but once he moved out of the house, i feel like he stopped caring about his hygiene. he talked about living on the streets in season 1, which means he most likely didn’t have access to proper showers or other washing areas. i just feel like he smells like ashes, liquor, burnt weed, and slight body oder. i feel like you’d be able to be around him for 30 minutes before getting a headache from how he smells

3. Diego

I was considering putting Klaus and Diego together, but I feel like Diego smells just a smidge better than Klaus (especially in the second half of season 2). in season one, he wearing the same thing most of the time - which i feel like he washes once or twice a week, which is why he’s not higher - but i feel like he really does care about how he presents himself. he gives the vibes that he showers when he wakes up and if he fights someone, he goes home and showers again. he definitely wears a bunch of cologne. on the contrary, i feel like he smells like body oder occasionally. also, during the beginning of season 2, he gives off a really musty vibe which is just never good

2. Vanya

i think vanya just smells plain. like she doesn’t have a specific scent, but she doesn’t smell bad. i think if she were to have a smell, it would be of coffee, old libraries, and faintly of dryer sheets. there’s isnt much more to add to her lol i just feel like she doesn’t smell bad

1. Allison

this one is an obvious win. Allison definitely has a signature perfume that she’s been wearing since she was 12. she keeps herself clean and tidy for the majority of the series. she also has a full face of makeup most of the time which just further proves that she cares about how she presents herself to others around her

#umbrella acedmy #luther hargreeves #diego hargreeves #allison hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #ben hargreeves #vanya hargreeves #tua #the umbrella academy #i feel like this is important

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mxchellesworld · 3 years

Text

Attraction and Repulsion

Harry Styles x Reader

Synopsis; Where Harry is too much of an asshole for a proper relationship but too good in bed for you to leave

Warnings; mean!harry, arguments, name calling, smut, unprotected sex, creampies, degradation, impact play, choking,

a/n; harry styles fans come get yall juice!! ok i wont lie this kinda seems all over the place but i like it anyways. hope yall enjoy and please send some feedback:)

***

You thought it was real funny. It was absolutely hilarious how the whole world saw Harry as a sweet lad who wears big trousers and has fun nails. But you saw him for who he really was. Harry Styles was mean. Plain and simple.

But you loved it.

And as much as you tried to deny it, you both knew it was true. You were like magnets. When you weren’t absolutely repulsed by one another, starting an argument, you were wrapped up in each others sheets feeling the strongest attraction you’d ever felt for another person.

You were always stuck in a limbo of back and forth. Arguments and name calling over the phone leading to quick hang ups and the eventual knock on the door signaling he was there to deal with you the only way he knew how to put you in your place.

You were drawn to him like a moth to flame. And just like you, he was also too stubborn to admit that he’d want anyone else but you. No matter how cocky he got flaunting the fact that he could get any person in the world with just a smile and wink, he knew he’d never actually do it.

Under all the petty acts and insults there was the smallest bit of adoration he held for you and you only.

You had been lounging around your apartment when your phone chimed. It was one of your girlfriends sending you a link to a newspaper article. You hadn’t bothered to look at the title on the message before clicking on it and seeing the large cover photo on your screen.

Right there Harry and some model getting cozy after his last show. Big bold letters on the teen magazine reading ‘HARRY STYLES AND NEW BAE???’. You audibly scoffed.

It wasn’t like he was your boyfriend so you couldn’t really do much about it, you thought ignoring the small sting in your chest. Shaking off the feeling you skimmed the rest of the article then replied to the message, ��she is kinda hot, maybe he’ll give me her number lol”

With that you threw your phone on the other side of the couch and started to get up. It was 3pm a little too early in your book to start drinking at home and especially too early to start letting him ruin your day.

Maybe it was time to start looking at other people. You were hot and single, living in a big city with other hot singles, it shouldn’t be too hard for you to find someone to get in a stable relationship with or at the bare minimum a good fuck for the night.

So you did what anyone else does and picked up your phone once again, going straight to the app store. Right on the front page was tinder and just for good measure you added bumble. Making the accounts were easy enough but selecting the pictures for your profile was tricky. You wanted a good amount of selfies and body shots. Cute pictures but also something risky enough to catch the eye.

Soon enough you were already swiping and giggling to yourself about the future prospects you had lined up. Meanwhile in a city about a few hundred miles from you Harry was sitting with a frown on his scowl on his face in the same predicament you were in earlier that day.

He was in his hotel room packing up and getting ready to head back home when his phone chimed. He looked over to see if it was his manager or someone from crew with any updates on departure times however it was one of his close friends.

At first he was expecting a sports update or an invitation to go to a bar when he got back but instead it was a screenshot of your tinder profile. When had you gotten that? he thought to himself.

It wasn’t like he could get mad since he knew he didn’t treat you the best. But that was just your dynamic, deep down you both cared for each other and even then it made for the best sex of his life.

Looking back down at the glowing screen he swiped through the few screenshots he was sent. Various pictures of you out with friends. The one that got him was a picture of you in the bathtub, your body was covered by the porcelain yet just enough of your chest just was showing in the mirror as you gave the camera your best sultry look.

Yet the real kicker was the bio where you included him in your top artists. He scoffed and shook his head, biting his lip as he clicked out from the messages app. Instead he called up his manager to get him on the fastest plane back home. If the blood wasn’t rushing to his face he knew he’d be hard as a rock but for now he’d save that frustration for when he saw you.

You knew tinder hookups were easy to get but you didn’t know just how easy. After spending the day scrolling away, putting your phone down for food and subtle chores you landed a ‘date’, which you really knew was ‘lets get tacos before we fuck on my couch’.

You had planned to meet at 8pm at some restaurant by your house. At 6:30 you started to get ready slowly, taking your time in the shower, shaving, the works. You had your music connected to a speaker getting yourself excited for the night.

Who wouldn’t be? You needed this. This was your time to get all dolled up and get to cum from someone other than yourself or the man who makes the vein in your forehead pop when you think about him.

You put on your sweet smelling lotion and head to your closet looking for an outfit. It was starting to get warm so you settled for a black t-shirt dress that fell to mid thigh with tan heeled booties. You pulled out a jean jacket to put on top in case it was windy.

After finishing your hair and makeup, it was nearing 7:30 and you were back on your couch fixing up the pillows and picking up any misplaced items in case the night led you back to your place. Suddenly you heard a knock on your door, the same hard 3 rasps which only meant one person.

Your heels clicked on the hard wood as you made your way to the door, unlocking it and opening it halfway, “What do you want Harold,” you said unamused.

“You look pretty,” he said pushing past you, ignoring the annoyance in your tone.

“Wish I could say the same about you. Now what do you want? I’m busy and I have to leave soon,” you said rolling your eyes.

He took a seat on your previously neat couch, spreading his legs and putting his arms up on the back. The way he looked you up and down sent chills up your spine, “What did you get a date that quick? The internet works wonders doesn’t it love”, he said rolling his neck.

“How did you know abo- actually I don’t care. As a matter of fact I do have a date and I’m meeting him soon so if you don’t mind leaving,” you said picking up your jacket and purse, “Why don’t you call that one girl from your show? She probably misses you.”

He let out a short laugh before pushed on his knees to stand back up, “Ah I see what this is. You’re jealous and you think going on a little date with some nobody would hurt me.” The cockiness was just seeping out of him.

“Pull your head out of your a-,” you started before he cut you off.

“No no you’re gonna listen to me angel. We may not be together but you belong to me. No one else can ever touch you or fuck you as well as I can,” he said leaning in to whisper in your ear.

It was almost sad how easily he could have you crumbling. Just then your phone dinged. It was a message from the guy, Danny? You couldn’t remember at this point.

“Answer it sweatpea, tell him you can’t make it.”

You were really debating it. On one side this could be your chance to finally tell Harry to fuck off but on the other you knew it would be hard to replace him and you weren’t even sure you completely wanted to. That was a whole other layer of emotions to dig through.

You looked back up at Harry, one of his curls falling into his eyes which were filled with lust. The way his tongue peeked out to slip over his pink lips gave you the answer you needed.

“Fuck,” you whispered unlocking your phone. Quickly you typed out a half ass apology about your sister needing you to babysit, even though she lived out of state, he didn’t need to know.

After you hit send your phone was quickly plucked from your grasp and pushed into Harry’s pocket. You didn’t think much about it when his lips pressing onto yours was acting as a great distraction.

He pulled away lightly mumbling a “taste like strawberries”. If you weren’t so turned on you would’ve giggled.

You moaned into his mouth pulling him by his loose button up shirt into your bedroom. It was a routine you had almost perfected at this point with little stumbling or need to grab onto the walls as a guide to make sure neither of you hit any corners.

Your lips never left each others in the feverish mess of kisses. Each one making you grow needier and needier. Your fingers worked quickly in trying to get the buttons on his shirt undone. You felt his warm ones wrap around yours halting your movements.

“Not so fast, you think I’m gonna let you off easy for what you did today?”

You huffed out, “You did the same-”, again he cut you off.

“I get to do whatever I want because you know who I am,” he finished trailing his thumb over your bottom lip, slowly tugging it down. All you could do was nod.

“Say it then.”

“Harry Styles,” you whispered out.

You could see his pupils get bigger with each syllable. It was his favorite thing, the power, the dominance. He got off on his own name. But so did you, the thought alone made you clench your thighs as you were in the moment.

His hand came up and tapped on your cheek, a small implication of what you knew he could do, “You’re gonna have to be louder than that lovie. Don’t worry though I’ll let you try again later.”

He backed you up until your legs hit the bed, pushing you down. You slowly crawled back, pulling your jacket and dress off as he worked on his belt and pants. You made quick work of kicking off your boots and settled into the plush sheets.

“Hurry up Styles. I think Danny could’ve made me cum at least twice now,” you said sliding a hand down to your panties. That move would bite you in the ass but the risk was worth it.

You let out gasps at the touch of your fingertips, moving your hips, doing anything to put on a show and hopefully have him give you what you wanted quicker.

He eagerly got on the bed, trapping you under his knees. His hands quickly ripped yours away from where you needed them most, pinning them over your head. He leaned down, face inches from yours until you shared the same breathe.

“You just want to be punished don’t you? Don’t worry I’ll help you get it through that stupid little slutty brain of yours,” he finished with a sadistic smile.

You nodded frantically moaning out pleases. His hand came down on your cheek, the chill of his rings pressed against the now warm skin on your face. His nails raked down until his hand was snuggly hugging your neck.

You tilted your head back giving him more room to squeeze and mark as he pleased, “Please Harry, want you to fuck me already.”

He tutted his lips giving your neck one last squeeze before he pulled away. “I think we should work on your patience,” he said moving down to your spread legs.

His warm hands pulled on the lace fabric on your hips, scoffing at the visible wet patch, “Don’t tell me this was all for old Danny-boy.”

“No Harry its all for you,” you mewled as he let his fingers swipe through your folds. It was evil how he was leisurely propped up between your legs teasingly circling your aching bud, switching between blowing on it and nipping at it.

You already felt the tears springing in the corners of your eyes. So little was doing so much. Just a little more and you could cum right then and there. And he knew it too.

“Oh you better not cum. I’m not gonna be very forgiving if you do,” he trailed off almost laughing. He never let up, quick circles on your bud making your body tense up.

“Ple- no.. oh god Harry,” you whined out. You felt your juices gushing out of you as you reached your peak. He never let up on his motions, going even faster on your overstimulated clit.

“God you’re so pathetic. Such a whore you just had to cum,” he punctuated with a slap right on your pussy.

At this point you were sobbing. Your head was swimming in the pleasure. You tried to apologize but the words weren’t coming together, just broken whimpers and mixes of sorry’s.

His hand came down on your sensitive cunt two more times, each one had you trying to close your legs but he was quick to keep them open with a bruising grip.

“Please.. Harry.”

“Please what?” he said taking in your shivering frame.

“Please fuck me! Want you to cum inside me, mark me so everyone knows i’m yours!” you spoke out breathlessly.

Quickly he flipped your over, pulling your hips up so that your pussy was on display for him. He groaned as he swiped the tip of his weeping pink cock over your already puffy folds.

With a long stroke he filled you completely. Your nerves were on fire and he hadn’t even started. His rough hands grabbed onto your hips for leverage on his thrusts.

“Fuck you’re so tight. Such a good little whore just for me to ruin,” he gritted out. He kept a steady pace, quick and deep making sure to hit your sweet spot each time.

Your nails were digging into the pillows for dear life. Eyes shut closed as your mouth fell in silent screams and jumbled phrases of pleasure. The only thing on your mind was HarryHarryHarry.

“Wanna cum again.. oh my god.. Plesse Harry fill me up! I need to feel it,” you said arching your back further. You felt each vein slide along your spongy walls making sure to clench around him and milk him for all he was worth.

His grip on your never let up. He let his hand come down on your ass cheek. Once again the rings contrasting the heat radiating off of you, “That’s it cum for me baby. I want you to scream my name when you do. Can you do that love? Shit , tell me who fucks you this good? Who’s cum do you want spilling inside you?”

You all but screamed a “Harry Styles” letting your neighbors know just who was with you that night, nights before, and nights to come.

The sweet noises and screams of his name had Harry’s cock pulsing inside you, ready to burst at any moment.

One look down at where you connected and he was sent right to heaven. Your cute little pussy creaming right on his cock had him shooting his load deep inside you.

You both gasped and groaned at the feeling of him filling you to the brim. He stilled his motions and you all but collapsed onto your bed.

You felt him lean down once again, pressing a kiss to the shell of your ear before whispering, “You think Danny could’ve done that?”

#harry styles x reader #harry styles smut #harry styles fic #harry styles fanfiction #chellewrites

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davidpastrsnack · 4 years

Text

hiiiii this is my first bit of writing!!! it’s our fav ratty matty and was supposed to be a little blurb but it got kinda long (1507 words) lol. please let me know what you think and send in some requests!

It’s not that you didn’t think Matthew fighting was hot, it’s just that sometimes he doesn’t know when enough is enough.

Nearly one week into the bubble, Matthew and the Flames were playing in the first game of the qualifying round against Winnipeg. Saying goodbye was harder than you even imagined it would be.

You woke up to an empty bed, rolling over in search of Matthew’s warmth only to find cold, crisp sheets in his place. You winced as you lifted yourself out of bed, quickly remembering the events that transpired the night before, Matthew making sure you got a proper goodbye. You stumbled into the kitchen area wearing just his t-shirt to find him standing over the stove, quite the spread laying out on the counter before you. All of your favorite breakfast foods (that he could cook) along with a fresh bouquet of red roses, also your favorite. That’s when you felt them, the tears starting to burn behind your eyes as the reality of him leaving struck. Matthew hadn’t heard you yet, his bare back facing you with grey sweatpants hanging low on his hips. His curls were a mess, partly your doing from the night before, and you just knew that his tongue was poking out of his mouth in concentration.

“Fuck,” Matthew muttered as the hot oil hit his chest. You couldn’t help but giggle, finally gaining his attention. He groaned as he saw you, a soft smile on your face, “You’re not supposed to be awake yet. I was gonna bring you coffee in bed and then walk you out here.”

“Matty,” you whispered, terrified that your voice would betray you. His typically stormy blue eyes softened and he sighed as he walked towards you. He knew exactly what you were feeling and what you needed. His arms opened up and pulled you into his body, feeling you relax the second you were in his grasp. You tightly wrapped yourself around his toned middle, nuzzling in the crook of his neck, taking in his scent. His hands moved to your head, pressing a long kiss to the top of your hair.

“I know, baby, I know. But this is what we’re gonna do,” he pulled back to look into your eyes, cupping your already tear stained cheeks. “We’re gonna enjoy this breakfast, that I got up extra early to make,” you rolled your eyes, letting a laugh slip out at his slight chirp. “And we’re gonna make the most of the next two hours together. Then we’ll say goodbye. Okay?” His thumbs brushed against your soft skin as you looked up at him.

“Okay,” you smiled.

“That’s my pretty girl,” he quietly cheered, just trying to lift your mood before the sadness set in for good.

And now you were here, sitting on the couch in the Tkachuk house watching game 1 unfold. Matthew suggested you go back to St. Louis for a bit once he left, knowing how close you got with his family during quarantine. It was an easy decision, with your classes still online and Chantal eagerly welcoming you back into her home. Not even 1o minutes into the game, Matthew was already the center of attention. As soon as Scheifele fell to the ice withering in pain, you knew he was in for one the rest of the night. It clearly wasn’t intentional, and the regret was apparent in his face, but you knew that Winnipeg would make him pay. And that they did. There was no denying that watching the way Matthew threw his gloves off and rolled up his sleeves before squaring up with Wheeler had you aching for him, but the seemingly constant hits after had you cringing each time. Kieth and Taryn were loving it, faces grinning whenever Matthew was involved in anything, but to your right was Chantal, who shared your worry for her first born.

“Sometimes I just look away when he’s causing trouble,” she gently spoke to you with a soft smile, sensing the anxiety radiating from your body.

You laugh, “That obvious that I’m struggling over here?”

She moved to place a hand on your shoulder, rubbing in calming circles, “Trust me, I get it, sweetie.”

Hours later you were snuggled into your bed in the guest room, waiting for Matthew’s call. You had changed into a pair of sleep shorts and one of his big hoodies, the scent of his cologne still lingering on the fabric. You felt yourself dozing off against the pillow, cursing each time your head bobbed awake. You knew that he would have a lot of media to do regardless, but his many extracurricular activities of the night didn’t help. You just needed to hear his voice, you needed to know he was okay. Just as your eyes began to close again, your phone started buzzing in your hand. Matthew was splayed across your screen and you answered immediately, impatiently waiting for the FaceTime call to load so you could finally see his face.

“There you are baby,” he cooed, already desperately missing your post game hug. He was back in his hotel room, calling you the second he was finally alone. He had his hood pulled over his head, but you could still see the damp curls falling down onto his forehead. “What’d you think?” His face was laced with his classic smirk, knowing that you would have a lot to say and reveling in teasing you.

“Matthew,” you warned, not appreciating his attitude. You were in no way surprised, but you were clouded by your genuine concern for the rest of the series. “I love watching you win but that was painful.”

“What, you didn’t like watching me drop the gloves? Hmmm?” he chuckled as you rolled your eyes. He was still riding the high of such an exciting win and hadn’t yet processed how worried you really were.

“Matty, I’m serious. I don’t think you understand how hard it is for me, and your mom, to sit here and watch people go after you. And I know it’s your job, but it only took you five minutes to paint a bright red target on your back and I can’t handle watching you get hurt, especially not when I can’t even be there with you,” your voice trailing out at the end.

Matthew’s face dropped right away. He paused to take in your appearance, your eyes were laced with exhaustion and he could see you chewing the inside of your cheek, a tell tale sign you were anxious. He was used to stressing out his family with the trouble he caused on the ice, but you were different. He couldn’t stand to see in you any kind of distress, and knowing that he was the source of it killed him.

“Baby, I- I’m sorry you’re so nervous. I can’t promise that I’ll turn into a saint overnight, but I can promise that I won’t do anything too stupid. And I’ll be careful. I’m a big boy, remember? I can shake off a few Jets,” he flashed a grin at you as he saw your laugh, finally breaking your worried expression.

“I’m going to hold you to that, and I’m sure your mom will too,” you smiled.

Matthew’s head fell back in laughter, “Oh I have no doubt that you two have it covered together.”

After you both came down from the short fit of laughter, you sighed, “I miss you Matty. I miss you a lot.”

His heart broke hearing your words. He felt the same way, reality slapping him across the face every morning when he woke up alone. “I know, sweetheart. Fuck, I can’t even begin to explain how much I need you. But remember what I told you when I left, just say the word babygirl and I’ll be on a flight home tonight.” And he meant in. Never in his life before meeting you would he even imagine passing up on a chance to win the cup for a girl, but here he was, offering without an ounce of hesitation.

You couldn’t help blushing at his words, but you were direct in your response. “No way, I better not see you for months,” you smiled.

Matthew’s laughter joined your own, loving how easily you could throw him a chirp, even during such a tender moment. “I’m working on it, just for you,” he grinned.

The rest of the night was spent talking and rambling about anything and everything, both just enjoying hearing the other’s voice. Before you knew it, your eyelids were slipping shut and you were quickly fast asleep. Matthew couldn’t help but stare, so content as he watched your body rise with each breath, desperately wishing he was there to hold you. Even though he was physically and mentally exhausted from the game, he fought the urge to close his eyes, until his body ultimately took over. With neither one of you ending the call, you laid together all night as if nothing was different.

#matthew tkachuk #matthew tkachuk imagine #nhl imagine #nhl writing #hockey imagine #hockey writing #blurbs #my writing

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monaownsmyass · 4 years

Text

Time’s Up

If you have any fic ideas or requests you'd like me to write, you can leave me an ask!

Book: My First Two Loves

Pairing: Ava Lawrence x MC (Emma Price)

Genre : Angst

Rating: PG13, a couple of strong words

Word Count: 1,510

A/N: MC realised she likes Ava a little too late and struggles to cope with it. I was literally in the middle of writing a different Ava x MC fluff fic when I had the sudden urge to write a full on angst piece so I did. I know we Ava stans have suffered enough at the hands of PB but at least my fic is gay. This was written on a whim in a little over 2 hours so idk how good it is lol it’s my first fully angst work too so lmk how I did!

Tag list: @ineedskyecrandall @kamilahsayeet2063 @avalawrencefl @lovekamilahsayeed @thequeenkamilahsayeed @heygmicheelle @djtjsmith14 @jjlover01 @soft-for-drake @dopeyouth @alexroyard @satrinadia @toalltheboysididntlove @mypegasifly (lmk if anyone would like to be included or removed in my next fics and if you only want to be tagged for certain pairings.)

I heard sobs as I walked past Emma's room. Uncontrollable, inconsolable sobs. I stopped in my tracks and bit my lip. I wanted to go in and comfort her, to ask her what's wrong and how I could help her. But I've tried that the day this all started and she refused to even let me in her room.

She's been like this for the past few days and I couldn't bear it. She was my sister and it killed me to know that she wouldn't even let me in and my heart hurt to hear her cries and sorrow. I reached out for the door knob but hesitated when my hand was on it.

I sighed and shook my head. She clearly wanted space and I don't think it would help to barge in on her at her most vulnerable state. It took everything I had to move away from the door and walk away but I did.

I walked away and the sound of my elder sister calling out Ava's name as she cried faded with it.

~*~*~

How long had I been cooped up in my room? When was the last time I had a proper meal or even took a shower? When was the last time I saw anyone? Talked to anyone? What day was it? What was the time?

I couldn't answer any of those questions...

And I didn't care.

I didn't care about any of that. How could I when the thing that made me care walked out on me?

I know it sounds like she was the villain in this story but she wasn't. The only villain was time.

Goddamn time.

Time wasn't real, it didn't exist, but it was the thing we all dreaded. One way or another, sooner or later, eventually, we all ran out of it.

At that time, I felt like I had all the time in the world. After all, there wasn't any rush, right? My best friend would always be by my side, no matter what I did or who I picked, right? Right...?

Wrong!

Then, suddenly, I didn't have enough of it. Like an hourglass being smashed before the last grains of sand in it could fall.

Time was up before I knew it and if I had only one wish to do anything I ever wanted, I would turn back time to when it all went downhill. As selfish as it sounded, I wouldn't have cured world hunger or restored world peace or wish for equity for everyone.

Would that make me a bad person? To wish for personal gain if that wish rightfully belonged to me? Some would say yes, others no. Some would be uncertain and who could blame them?

For me, I didn't care if it was good or bad or morally-grey. I already saw myself as a bad person when I treated her an alternative instead of my go-to, so what was another selfish act?

'Cuz fuck, I just wanted Ava Lawrence.

But she didn't want me.

I could cry as much and as hard as I wanted but I knew deep down that wouldn't help with anything. It wasn't gonna get her back, it wasn't gonna ease my burden, it wasn't gonna fill this emptiness in me that was present ever since I watched her walked away from me and it definitely fucking wasn't gonna heal my wounded soul that would remain scarred so long as she wasn’t with me. Nothing.

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I glanced up at my ceiling. Photos of Ava and I plastered all over it above my bed. We hugged and smile and laughed and it felt like a lifetime ago. Maybe it was. I wasn't sure.

All I was certain about was the present and right now, I was pathetically and miserably crying over my love who probably didn't give a fuck about me anymore.

My gazed focused on one particular picture among the cluster. It was the last time we actually spent proper time together before shit hit the fan.

It was also the memory I cherished the most. It still was and even if millions of years go by and I was already on my life after the afterlife, I still would remember it fondly.

In the picture, Ava looked at me as I looked at her, on this very bed I was currently grieving on. I reached my hand out like I remembered doing months ago where I grasped onto her warm hand that fitted in mine as if it was meant to be. Only this time, I grasped at the cold, empty sheets.

She gave me a kiss on the cheek and the sound of her giggle lit up the room. Now, the chilling air from my fan brushed against my face and left me feeling exposed to the vast darkness of the space I was in.

She caressed my skin and looked into my eyes like she was looking at the world. Because at that time, it was true. I was her world. I looked at her like she was mine too. But that was then. Right now, my tears trailed my skin. It trailed my cheeks and forearms and hands from when I rubbed my blurry sight which was the only thing I could see.

She whispered 'I love you' in my ear and I felt goosebumps rise from her breath tickling my neck. In this moment, I could only hear my own sobs fill up my ears and the only goosebumps I had was from the fear of knowing I'd never experience that sensation again.

My heart raced and my stomach was in knots at her declaration. But now, my heart ached and I was sick to my stomach. I felt like throwing up but even that wouldn't make me feel better. Nothing could.

I thought back to when I started avoiding her after that. Months. I avoided her for months because I was too afraid to face my feelings for her. Too afraid to know the truth. I shut her out and didn't give her an explanation. I couldn't even look at her and I knew she thought she was the problem. That, of course, was the furthest thing from the truth.

The problem was me.

I was my biggest enemy.

Time may have been the main villain in this story but I held myself back. Time didn't tell me to ignore Ava and pretend my feelings weren't real, I did.

And when I realised I couldn't run away from them of her any longer, my time ran out.

I should've known she wouldn't have waited on me forever but something in me believed she would. And I think that's what made me a bad person. Not some metaphorical wish I'd use for myself but for thinking others, especially the ones closest to me, owed me something that wasn't mine to begin with. For thinking others owed me their time that was clearly running out too.

I remembered running after Ava, calling out to her, shouting, anything to get the attention I was craving for in the months I stopped speaking to her.

I remembered groveling and apologising, saying how wrong and sorry I was, how I would do anything to make things right between us and how I'd give up the world just to hold her again.

She told me I didn't have to do that and embraced me but it didn't feel right. The warmth her hugs normally had were absent, the tight grip she used to have was now loose and reluctant. The comfort I usually felt in her arms was replaced by uncertainty. This wasn't a welcome back hug. It was a goodbye.

This wasn't the hug I wanted but what I wanted didn't matter. I still treasured that hug, making the most of it and soaking up every last second of feeling her body pressed against mine that that hug gifted me.

She pulled away all too soon and didn't say another word to me. She looked me in the eyes and where I once saw her staring at her world was now empty. She wasn't looking at her world, just a forgotten planet. A lonely place that was once full of hope and adoration was now gone. She turned away from me and didn't look back.

Every step she took made every fibre of my being wanted to scream 'stop!'. To run after her and take her in my arms again, to grab onto her hand and never let go.

But instead, I stood still.

I shouted to her, finally admitting that I was in love with her. That I didn't think could live without her.

That made her stop. She stopped and told me she loved me too.

But not anymore.

Heart shattering, I watched her one last time, still looking at her like she was my world. I watched her walk further and further away from me.

And eventually, out of my life. For good.

(More fics!)

#ava x mc #ava lawrence #ava mtfl #my two first loves #mtfl choices #choices #choices: stories you play #pb #pixelberry #playchoices #mtfl fanfiction #choices fanfiction #thanks for reading!

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softyoongiionly · 4 years

Text

NSFW A-Z List (Mama Mia! Jungkook)

***This contains smut, 18+ only please***

“Aqua told me you all had some questions for me so, I had my assistant fax me the prompt and, I’m really hoping she didn’t read it because, these are filthy ha. I hope you all enjoy yourselves.”

A = Aftercare (What they’re like after sex):

“It kind of depends on the situation but, if I just had sex, I’m in a good mood. If Y/N and I are in the bed, I make sure I change the sheets and, I make sure she’s cleaned up and, feeling good too. Sometimes we like to talk about it. A bit of pillow talk is always great. PILLOWW TALK! Do you guys remember that song by that one dude in one direction? Great song. It’s like he left one direction and, immediately needed to say the word fuck and sing about sex.”

B = Body part (Their favourite body part of theirs and also their partner’s):

“This is a weird question. I like my abs? I guess? I mean I spent like a million hours in the gym trying to tone up and stuff so, it’s definitely the only thing that stands out.”

“Y/N is the by far the most beautiful woman on the planet so, it’s a little hard to pin point one specific part of her I like the most. If I had to choose, I would say her eyes. Sometimes she looks at me and, I suddenly forget all three languages I speak. She takes my breath away. Literally, who is she looking at like that? Me? Does she value my life at all? Is she trying to kill me? Probably. I love her :-)”

C = Cum (Anything to do with cum basically… I’m a disgusting person):

“Cum...I don’t really know what I’m supposed to talk about in this section so, I’m just gonna say- yes?? Is that the right answer?”

D = Dirty Secret (Pretty self-explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs):

“One time, when Y/N was away on business, I jerked off so much in one day, I sprained my hand. I guess that isn’t dirty but, it is embarrassing. I’d probably do it again though, I’m so spoiled that I forgot what’s its like to go without sex.”

E = Experience (How experienced are they? Do they know what they’re doing?):

“Yikes this question is a little hard for me to answer. Before meeting Y/N, I had a lot of different partners. After finding out my half-brother tried to steal my recipe, I got really down on myself. I felt really empty and, I spent a lot of time partying and, hooking up with random people. I don’t really know how many if I’m being honest. It was a lot though. After awhile I kind of snapped out of it and, realized I needed to deal with my issues head on so, after a bit of therapy, I was doing a lot better. Sexually, I’ve had a lot of experience but, intimacy? That’s a lot newer for me. And let me tell you my dudes, nothing is sexier than being with someone who truly loves and cares for you. I don’t make the rules.”

F = Favourite Position (This goes without saying. Will probably include a visual):

“Missionary. Listen, I know it’s a boring answer but, I’m a sucker for passion what can I say? I like watching her face and, seeing all the little expressions she makes, especially right when I first push inside of her. Also, it’s the best position for her to scratch up my back and, I really love when she does that.”

G = Goofy (Are they more serious in the moment, or are they humorous, etc):

“I don’t really find a lot of things to laugh about during sex but, I’m sure it’s happened at some point. Sex is kind of a serious thing for me now but, I wouldn’t stay serious if something funny happened because, sometimes funny things do happen. When they do, we laugh but, then I’m right back in the moment again. Y/N and I mess around a lot in our daily lives so, I like to use sex as a way to show her how serious I am about her and, our relationship.”

H = Hair (How well-groomed are they, does the carpet match the drapes, etc.):

“I got laser hair removal like 3 years ago. Yes, it’s possible to get it done in sensitive areas but, it’s crazy expensive. Or so I’ve heard, I’m not gonna lie to you, my idea of expensive and, other people’s idea of expensive are probably a little different. But yeah, I got it all lasered off so, it doesn’t really grow there anymore. I keep my face shaved too but, my arms and legs are free to grow all the hair they want.”

I = Intimacy (How are they during the moment, romantic aspect…):

“With Y/N, I’m a little bit of a hopeless romantic, I can’t lie. I love all of that cheesy shit. Rose petals on the bed? Yes. Wine and chocolate on the shores of our private beach? At least twice a week. Leaving Y/N little post it notes all over our villa that contain all the things I love about her? Duh. I AM A SAP. I AM A MESS. I can’t help myself. My father collects first edition classic novels and, for Valentine’s Day, I had him send me the contact of his distributor so, I could buy Y/N the first edition of The Princess Bride. It’s one of her favorites. It was only $1,400 so, I definitely got a good deal. I also had a custom gown imported from France and, a prince-like outfit made for me. What do princes even wear? What is that called? Tights? I don’t know but, I looked like a goddamn Disney prince by the time I was done getting ready. I rented a different villa out for the weekend and, my interior designer decorated it like a medieval castle. We spent the weekend playing prince and princess and, it was probably one of the best weekends of my life. So to answer your question: Yes, I am romantic.”

J = Jack Off (Masturbation headcanon):

“I only really touch myself when Y/N is away. Her and I have a pretty consistent sex life so, we have sex almost every day, sometimes multiple times a day. I don’t really have a need for it anymore and, it doesn’t feel nearly as good as sex with Y/N.”

K = Kink (One or more of their kinks):

“I have a few. I’m really sensitive to smells so, if Y/N smells good, I can’t keep my hands off of her. She has this one perfume from Gucci that I love so much. I can get hard just from the smell; it’s kind of pathetic honestly. I love having sex outside too. It’s a good thing we have a private strip of the beach because, if we had neighbors nearby, they would hate us ha. I have a cashmere picnic blanket that we take down there a few times a week and, we always end up making love on it. Yes, I said making love. Get over it. Oh and, if Y/N says anything about my muscles or how strong I am? Instant turn on. I think I have a praise kink? Is that what it’s called? I love Y/N’s panties too. Lace, silk, cotton, clean or dirty; I don’t discriminate, just put them in my mouth. Lol, this is getting dirty…sorry Aqua.”

L = Location (Favourite places to do the do):

“I already kind of answered this but, sex on the beach or sex on our balcony are probably my top two.”

M = Motivation (What turns them on, gets them going):

“I feel like I answered this one too because, I just talked about my kinks but, I would say my motivation is to get my girl off right? I get off easily. I have a beautiful woman all over me, saying dirty things in my ear… I mean, my orgasm is guaranteed. Y/N doesn’t take a long time to cum anymore because; I know how to please my woman but, I still want her to feel good. I want to see her let go and, let someone else take care of her for a change. She works so hard. I want to show her what a good woman she is. I want to show her how much I love her.”

N = NO (Something they wouldn’t do, turn offs):

“Threesomes, anal and, I’m pretty sure this is everyone’s answer but, bodily fluids belong in the toilet.”

O = Oral (Preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc):

“Yes.”

P = Pace (Are they fast and rough? Slow and sensual? Etc.):

“Both. Sometimes I want to draw it out and, let her feel every inch of me but, sometimes I want to fuck so hard we are both sore the next day. It’s all amazing either way.”

Q = Quickie (Their opinions on quickies rather than proper sex, how often, etc.):

“I love quickies. They are great in the afternoon when she and I have things to do but, we still want each other. They would get old after a while though so, we usually do both. It’s very rare that we just have a quickie and, nothing else but, sometimes it happens. Ever since we moved to Greece, we try to always make time for each other but, we both get busy from time to time.”

R = Risk (Are they game to experiment, do they take risks, etc.):

“I’m game to experiment a little bit but, Y/N and I have been together awhile. We’ve tried a few different things but, sex with her is so amazing, I don’t feel the need to experiment that much anymore.”

S = Stamina (How many rounds can they go for, how long do they last…):

“I can last forever if I need to. Like I said, my orgasm is an easy thing to obtain with a woman like Y/N so, my focus is making sure she’s feeling it too. I can go for multiple rounds too, I mean it’s hard not to. Have you seen her? We have sex all night sometimes. I hope she finishes her conference call soon, I’m really starting to miss her…”

T = Toy (Do they own toys? Do they use them? On a partner or themselves?):

“Y/N owns a very tasteful collection of dildos made out of rose quartz and jade. I use them on her sometimes between rounds but, I don’t know how often she uses them beyond that. I don’t own any toys but, I do spend quite a bit of money on new lingerie for Y/N. She has an entire armoire for all of her outfits. Oh, we have gold handcuffs too. We take turns using them on each other.”

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease):

“Y/N has a really sensitive spot on her neck and, she’s really tender around her waist so, sometimes I come up beyond her and, brush my lips against her throat and, tickle her. She’s told me it turns her on immediately so, I like to play with her a little bit. We both tease each other a lot though, especially during phone meetings. One time, I was on a 4 way call with my investors and, she sucked my dick through the entire thing. I thought I was gonna have a heart attack but, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t cum a little harder that time. Maybe that’s another kink of mine…”

V = Volume (How loud they are, what sounds they make):

“We live on a private piece of land so; we can be as loud as we want. I’m only loud when things are getting intense but, even still I’m not screaming at the top of my lungs. She isn’t crazy loud either but, I do try my hardest to get her to scream my name every now and again. Just for fun.”

W = Wild Card (Get a random headcanon for the character of your choice):

“Y/N and I are in the process of buying an island in the Caribbean and, sometimes I get turned on when she talks about how much money we both have. I’m sorry, I know it’s a dick move but, it’s the truth. I donate millions to charity every year, I swear.”

X = X-Ray (Let’s see what’s going on in those pants, picture or words):

“I’m like 7 inches I think? When I’m hard it’s probably like 8 or 9. I’m not sharing any more than that ha.”

Y = Yearning (How high is their sex drive?):

“Pretty high. Unless I’m really sick or really busy.”

Z = ZZZ (… how quickly they fall asleep afterwards):

“If we’ve been going for multiple rounds, I’m pretty exhausted by the end of it but, I don’t just fall asleep. I don’t want to leave the bed afterwards though. I just want to cuddle with Y/N until we both pass out. If it’s during the day and, we’ve only gone once or twice, I’m not tired at all.”

“Aqua wanted me to dedicate this to @gldnrecs and, @bulletproofbirdy. She says you guys are the best and, apparently you have a sweet spot for me. So, I guess I’ll dedicate this to you too ha. I hope you liked it.”

#jungkook smut #bts smut #jungkook #bts jungkook #mama mia!#A-Z: Mama Mia! Jungkook #smutcentralnet #bts scenarios #bts reactions

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nineteenninety-six · 4 years

Text

Escapism pt 4

This is the last piece!! :(( It was v fun to write and I loved how much love this got. Also, this was meant to be finished hours ago so lol

TAG LIST: @shadow-of-wonder @futuristicslimemongerbanana @dayna041101 @captivatedbycillianmurphy @kingarthurscat @newsieunion @stydia-4-ever @1950schick @writeroutoftime @ozzynka

WORD COUNT: 2405

[PART ONE] [PART TWO] [PART THREE]

TW: Abuse

(Y/N) and Tommy kept up the affair months and months, getting together at any large party or (Y/N) using Ada as an excuse to go over to Tommy’s London apartment. (Y/N) was having the time of her life, this was the first time in her life where she felt alive and free and she was going to make the most of it before the inevitable happens and she’ll have to stop but she and Tommy had gotten reckless. They had stopped being sneaky in the way they had their meetups and anyone who looked even a little bit closer than usual would be able to see that something was up.

(Y/N) felt as if she was living a double life, wherein one where she felt like any mistake would possibly get her killed and in the other, she was living the life she had always dreamed of. But she was still living in fear, (Y/N) was petrified of Stewart and she refused to let Tommy help her.

She was currently having dinner with Stewart and like every other meal they had together, it was silent. Stewart had been acting odd for the past week, more broody and testy but (Y/N) brushed the change off, deciding not to pay much attention to it and just attribute it to Stewart being stressed by work. (Y/N) didn’t realise how wrong she was.

She hadn’t seen Tommy in a few weeks after they decided to cut back on visits and interactions so that they didn’t arouse suspicion but she didn’t realise the damage had been done already and that at that point in time, it was too late.

“You’ve been spending a lot of time with Ada recently,” Stewart spoke up in the middle of dinner, surprising (Y/N).

“...Yes. We’ve gotten close, I consider her a good friend.”

“What about her brother?” Stewart was forcefully stabbing the pieces of meat on his plate and into his mouth.

“Mr Shelby?” (Y/N) felt her mouth go dry, “I haven’t seen him since the last charity dinner we went to. Why do you ask?”

“I’ve been hearing rumours.” Stewart put down his cutlery and started straight at (Y/N)

Stewart’s stare was piercing and (Y/N) felt goosebumps appear on her arms. (Y/N) swallowed harshly as he stared at her, a look in his eye causing a feeling of dread in the pit of her stomach.

“What rumours Stewart?” (Y/N) placed her own cutlery down and tried to stare back at him but found his stare too penetrating.

“About you and Thomas Shelby. Apparently, some people have seen the two of you together. Intimately.”

“Intimately?” (Y/N) scoffed, “That’s ridiculous, Stewart. Surely you don’t believe that?”

Stewart pushed his chair back and stood up and slowly stalked towards where (Y/N) was sitting on the other side of the table,

“You see, I didn’t, not at first anyway because I know you’re smarter than that but one of the maids revealed something to me recently.”

(Y/N) stood out of her own chair and took a few steps back as Stewart kept on stalking towards her.

“They told me that they haven’t noticed any blood on your sheets or clothing for the past few months and I know what that means but the funny thing is, is that we’ve never had sex.”

(Y/N) felt the stomach drop at Stewart’s words, she had been so caught up in everything that had been happening that she hadn’t noticed she hadn’t bleed in the last few months. She was pregnant and it was Tommy’s.

“I..I..” (Y/N) stumbled over her words.

“Cat caught your tongue?” Stewart sarcastically asked as he backed her up to the wall behind her, “Who is the man that fell for your whorish tricks? Was it Thomas Shelby?”

(Y/N) kept on stuttering as she tried to answer him, to try and lie about what was happening.

Stewart wrapped his hand around her throat and gently squeezed as a warning, “The number of people who’ve come up to me and told me that they’ve spotted you with Thomas Shelby...is embarrassing. You’ve embarrassed me.”

Feeling a bolt of boldness run through her, (Y/N) pushed Stewart’s hand away from her throat and defended herself, “And you’ve cheated on me hundreds of times Stewart, you have even done it right in front of my face. How’s that any different?”

Stewart growled and pressed himself closer to her and put his hand back around her throat, “You’re my wife. You do what I say and you don’t fucking embarrass me.”

He increased the pressure around her neck, squeezing to the point where (Y/N) struggled to breathe. It was only when (Y/N) grabbed at his hand in an attempt to push him off did he remove his hand and step away. (Y/N) gasped as she dropped to the floor, coughing as she landed on her knees.

“I won’t have a whore like you tarnish my reputation.” Stewart growled at her, “You’re gonna get rid of the bastard and I’ll deal with Thomas Shelby. He won’t be a problem for us anymore and we can act as if nothing happened.

(Y/N) placed her hands over her belly as if to protect the child, she wasn’t even sure she was pregnant but something in her made her do it.

“Deal with him?” (Y/N) questioned, “What do you mean?”

“Never you mind.” Stewart sniffed as he adjusted the sleeves on his shirt, “Just worry about getting rid of the bastard in you.”

“I’m not getting rid of them.” (Y/N) said, still on her knees.

“It wasn’t a suggestion (Y/N). Do it.”

“And if I don’t?”

Stewart harshly sighed before he whipped around and slapped her, he then grabbed the collar of her dress pulling her close to him.

“Do it.” Stewart threw her one last glare before leaving the dining room.

(Y/N) flinched as the front door slammed shut, she was shaken and unnerved. She shakily pushed herself onto her feet and left the dining room and headed to her room, this was her opportunity to escape and she wasn’t going to let it waste. After packing the few valuables she had along with a few clothes, she quickly left the house with her bag and whatever money she managed she acquire since she married Stewart.

After walking for about ten minutes and making sure she was far away enough from the house, she hailed a cab and made her way to Tommy’s London flat.

Tommy was surprised when he opened his door and found her outside but after a proper look at her face, he understood why she was there and opened the door wider and motioned her in. He leads her into his living room before disappearing into his kitchen without saying a word, he comes out with a cup of tea for her.

“I’m guessing he found out,” Tommy says as he sits next to her and traces over the bruises on her cheek and neck.

(Y/N) nodded, trying her hardest to not to cry, “He knows it’s you too, says he gonna ‘deal’ with you.”

Tommy snorted as he sat back on the couch and pulled her close to him, allowing her to nestle her face into his neck, “Don’t worry about him, I’ll deal with him.”

“Tommy-”

“Hey, listen to me” Tommy shifted so that they were looking into each other eyes, “I’ll make sure he doesn’t bother us anymore. You can be free and safe and we’ll be a family, you, me and Charlie.”

‘Family’ the word made (Y/N) shift, something that Tommy immediately caught on to.

“What’s wrong?” Tommy asked the question gently so that she didn’t feel pressured.

“I...I think I’m pregnant.” (Y/N) confessed after a moment of silence.

Tommy swore and rolled his eyes to the ceiling as he bit his lip in thought.

“Is it…?”

“If I’m actually pregnant, then it’s yours. You’re the only person I’ve been with.”

“You’re not sure?”

“Stewart was the one to point it out but he’s right, I haven’t had my period in a while.”

“Alright, here’s what we do.” Tommy sat up straight, “Tomorrow we’ll take you to the doctors to affirm that you’re pregnant and my brothers and I will deal with Stewart, he won’t be a problem to us anymore.”

“Are you going to kill him?”

“If I don’t then you’ll never be free. If he’s gone then you are no longer chained to him.”

(Y/N) knew Tommy was right but she still had her worries, “As long as you’re not the one to do it.”

Tommy opened his mouth to protest, but (Y/N) stopped him before he could, “I know. I know you want to but I don’t want you to be caught up in the backlash if there is any because even if I’m not pregnant, you still have Charlie and I refuse to be the reason why a little boy no longer has his dad.”

Tommy nodded, Charlie had already lost his mother and the last thing he needed was to lose his father too.

“C’mon, let’s go to bed.” Tommy held his hand out and smiled when (Y/N) placed her hand into his. He pulled her up off the couch and towards his bedroom.

The following day was probably one of the wildest days (Y/N) had ever experienced in her life, it slotted in right beside her parents telling her that she was getting married and her wedding day to Stewart but rather than the fear and sickness she felt on those days, today she felt thrilled and jubilant. She was actually pregnant.

When she was younger, (Y/N) had always imagined having a family of her own and living a happy life and those dreams were quickly dashed when she got married to Stewart, the man had luckily no intention of having kids with her and (Y/N) accepted the fact that she’ll never have a family of her own. But now, here she was, anxiously pacing around Tommy’s flat, waiting for him to return from meeting his brothers so that she could tell him the good news.

When Tommy arrived back at the flat, he wasn’t alone, he had a seven-year-old boy who was acting like his shadow. He had the question written all over his face and when she nodded in confirmation, a large smile spread over his face.

“Charlie, I would like you to meet someone important to me. This is (Y/N).”

The little boy peeked around his father’s legs and looked at the woman who stood in front of them,

“Hello, it’s nice to meet you.” The boy politely greeted.

“It’s nice to meet you too, Charlie. I’ve heard so much about you.” (Y/N) softly smiled.

“From dad?” The boy asked.

“Yeah, he talks about you all the time.”

Charlie laughed as he looked up at his father before he turned back to (Y/N), “I haven’t heard anything about you.”

“I know, that’s my fault, sorry.” (Y/N)’s smile dimmed a bit, “But you can get to know me now if you want?”

“Yea?” Charlie stepped forward towards (Y/N) and away from his father as he became more comfortable, “What’s your favourite colour?”

(Y/N) grinned at Charlie’s question, his innocence and sincerity were the first normal thing she’s come across in forever and she loved it.

“My favourite colour? Hmm, it has to be pink!”

“Pink?! That’s such a girly colour!” Charlie groaned making (Y/N) laugh

“I am a girl Charlie.”

Tommy watched as (Y/N) and Charlie interacted, glad that they were getting on together so well, telling Charlie that he was going to be a big brother and that Tommy will be marrying (Y/N) might be difficult but Tommy couldn’t find it in himself to care at that moment.

Tommy had moved (Y/N) into Arrow House by the end of the week and told Charlie everything that was happening and everything was great but Tommy couldn’t let himself be fully happy until Stewart was dealt with, he needed something that would get rid of him for good, yet not arouse suspicion and after a few conversations with his brothers, he had found his solution and put it to work immediately.

He found (Y/N) in the kitchen a week later, nursing a cup of tea and passed her the mornings newspaper and watched her face closely to see her reaction,

“Stewart Langley dies in a robbery gone wrong.” (Y/N) reads the headline out, her face unreadable.

“Thank you.” (Y/N) said after she pulled him into a tight hug.

“You don’t have to worry about him anymore. It’s just, you, me, Charlie and our little one.”

(Y/N) smiled at him, “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

3 YEARS LATER

“Charlie! Florence! Don’t go too far!” (Y/N) yelled as her children ran off as soon as they entered the park.

She saw her children nod before they slowed down, waiting for her and Tommy to catch up.

Three years had passed since everything happened and (Y/N) couldn’t believe how quickly time passed, her daughter’s third birthday was fast approaching and she couldn’t believe how quickly she had grown up. Charlie as well had grown a lot, looking more like Grace every day.

Florence looked like both of them but she had Tommy’s eyes and (Y/N) had moments where she would get lost in them.

Charlie was a great big brother, he was excited when they announced that (Y/N) was pregnant and when Florence was born, he was offering to (Y/N) at every moment, bringing her clothes and nappies and now that they were older, he was always helping Florence play and never leaving her behind.

(Y/N)’s dream had come true and she felt like she could cry. Everything she could have dreamed of was right in front of her.

“You alright?” Tommy brought her out of her thoughts.

“Yeah...just happy.” (Y/N) smiled at him.

“Good.” Tommy smiled at her too, “I love you.”

“I love you too.” (Y/N) pecked his lip before taking his hand and tugging him along to catch up to their children.

#tommy shelby imagines #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby fanfic #tommy shelby fluff #peaky blinder fanfic #peaky blinders imagines #peaky blinders imagine #peaky blinders x reader #peaky blinder imagine #Peaky Blinders #imagines #fanfic #x reader #fluff

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isolctions · 3 years

Text

...........so let’s finally talk abt what the actual fucking fuck is wrong with ai’rina rue castillo, huh gang? :-)

(everyone go thank @armsdealing & @durcgs beating the anxiety out of me in order to post this info-dump.)

...before we get into things, now’s the part where i establish a warning for triggers to be discussed in this lengthy headcanon post. there’s gonna be some talks of mental illness, slight alcohol abuse, & breaking down topics of familial abuse, mental abuse, religious abuse, emotional manipulation, and elements of non-con. be warned.

a’ight, so look. i’ve hinted in between threads & development that rue had a not-so-fantastic upbringing that impacted how she perceives herself, how she interacts with others, (in terms of her career, at least) and how she views personal relationships, but i didn’t realize how........severely her upbringing messed with her mental health until i started working through how i wanted to plot out rue’s behavior for her next album release. at first, i had the idea that she decided to take more time for herself & sort of distance herself from the public / media circus plaguing her life so that she can create much more authentic music. then i actually listened to the EP that i’m basing her album off of and thought “...oh.” THEN, i looked over old meme responses & old threads / mentions of her family and how she grew up and thought, not for the last time since piecing everything together: “....oh. oh fucking boy.”

so, that horrible realization dawning on me, let’s talk about rue’s childhood.

i wrote a thing like, two years ago almost (that upon looking for last night, i realized i didn’t actually share it w/ anyone but alex in our discord server & only mentioned a portion of it in rue’s moodboard that i made) that talked vaguely about how rue felt growing up. and it’s worth noting that...she’s the middle of ten fucking siblings. and that’s just the brothers & sisters she knew of that stayed with their mother. and on top of that, not all of those siblings are the product of rue’s father, or even rue’s mother for that matter. and it’s also worth noting that rue not only grew up in poverty, but she grew up never having any actual space that had solely been her own, or even an article of clothing that had belonged entirely to her. so naturally, as a young child, rue sort of became torn between starved for attention & wanting someone to pay attention to her (whether that be her older siblings including her in something, whatever teacher they had for the next six months to call on her for something, for her mother to miraculously show up with her unknown father in tow one day, & for literally anyone to be her friend, pls god Notice her!!!) and for people to simply leave her the hell alone. obviously, this carried into adulthood.

and branching off from the whole “lack of space” point i made, rue wound up growing up to become increasingly more private as time went on because she literally cannot remember a single moment where she wasn’t squished between a bunch of people. driving around in their minivan? rue’s packed in the middle of the second row. nowhere to sleep while on the road? rue’s smacked between gigantic older brothers & clingy little siblings. need to use to bathroom? lmao, she better off going outside!!! gotta change clothes? yeah, good luck with that. it was to the point where, when rue got her first period, she was humiliated by it — not because ‘omg, am i a woman now?? wtf is this???’, but because she ruined the one good sheet that she slept on with her sisters & they were super pissed at her and her mother withheld pay from her for weeks. >:/

already, rue grew up never having shit to herself until the record deal. but she also dealt with literally...so much abuse from her mother. rue thought this was the norm growing up, because all of her siblings faced their mother’s wrath at some point & all of them eventually learned to just deal with the shit and do what she says if they wanted to avoid it. they all compartmentalized and repressed to varying degrees. there’s a lot in which rue has repressed so deeply, she doesn’t even remember if it seriously happened or if she was just making it up bc it was so fucking bizarre for a parent to act that way towards their child, lol?? (and this behavior of “i’m just going to do what you say bc i don’t want to deal with whatever bullshit you’re up to if i say no” also carried into business / personal relationships, which is...very Yikes it’s amazing she didn’t get scammed or worse!)

so sure, people have complimented her for her exceptional manners & her cleanliness & how quiet / polite she is & how amazing her posture is, bc seriously, this girl will never experience back problems in her life bc her posture is so on par. but where rue typically smiles / responds bashfully, she can’t exactly just up and say: “oh, yeah, my mom used to slap the shit out of me ‘til i bruised if i spoke out of turn or talked back, and if i reached for anything in the store or put my elbows on the table she’d slap a ruler against my palms ‘til i got welts, and she’d make me read verses all night without sleep if i did anything wrong and make me straighten up and kneel on rice if i slouched or took a nap in church and humiliated me in public if i so much as looked at someone of the opposite sex on the street n oh, did i mention i also cleaned houses for rich millionaire snobs from ages twelve to sixteen and if they said or did literally anything to me i wasn’t allowed to defend myself?? ya i’m real proper :)”

(and normal ppl will go: “...................what the FUCK is WRONG with you????”)

but oh man, babe, we’re not done yet!!! rue, being the product of both a highly religious and a highly exploitative household...had difficulty when she started reaching puberty & noticing her classmates. plural, because it wasn’t just boys that she began to secretly have crushes on / fantasize abt, sexually or domestically. she also realized, oh shit, that she started looking at girls differently too. and that literally put the fear of god into her heart, bc if her mother ever found out that she was having non-platonic feelings for the girls in her classrooms, she wasn’t going to be pissed. her mom might have actually tried to kill her. or have her exorcised or something. she knew the shit would be severe, and she wanted no fucking parts of her mother or her siblings inserting the church into her personal life, thank u very much! so rue started suppressing her romantic feelings for people to the point where if adult rue receives intimacy, she’s like “...is this allowed? is this not illegal??????” while simultaneously being like “i will be a slut. just this once. as a Treat to teenage me. :>” regardless, rue learned to molotov cocktail literally any emotion or thought she had, bc she was paranoid that it would give her mother a vision.

now, onto the perils of exploitation...she should’ve been used to it really, what with her mother forcing herself & siblings to lure customers into their shop with promises of visions and palm readings and the wonders of the cards and overexerting their abilities. same with housekeeping, like being of service to people was normal! but when seventeen year old rue decided to sign a record deal and break from home, she wasn’t thinking critically about what the fuck all of this would entail. and as described in this headcanon post abt her discography, her early music was the product of allowing people much older & powerful than you to influence your work & manipulate your values. so rue was very much parading around as someone she wasn’t, someone much more confident and badass and self-assured than she really was, and she was so impressionable back then that it literally makes her sick to think back on it now. she calls it her puppy phase and phrases the eagerness to please execs as ‘tongue wagging’. homegirl hardly even knew her name anymore, bc all she was and all she would ever be was rue, the star, the vocal temptress. not ai’rina, the help or ai’rina, the seer, ai’rina, the weak little nobody. but later on, the subtle manipulation was less about decision making & how they wanted her to sound, and more about how they wanted to present the latest trophy star — because after all, she was pretty. people liked her. she sung really well. suitors weren’t too far off into the distant future. so why not kill two birds with one stone by having a high ranking label artist keep tabloids talking by being seen in public with a few heart throbs? surely, there’s no harm in manipulating an eighteen/nineteen year old’s love life! under the guise of improving her social skills & relations with fellow artists and the media and the like, rue gave into the pressures and let herself be taken out on dates & seen at awards shows with a few guys. no big deal. it was only for a night or so, she could handle the attention. then, one night appearances turned into week long appearances. pretending to date for only a month! completely innocent, positive exposure. :)

(adult rue, looking back @ younger rue: you stupid fucking BITCH-)

yeah, so once her label/management realized that she was turning into a hot commodity, they lost no sleep at allowing their nineteen year old artist to be seen ‘dating’ 20-24+ year old men occasionally. and whatever happened after their public appearances were none of their business. plus, she was good at pretending and being arm candy — so rue experienced her first kiss, her first dates, and her first times with people who she’s almost certain hardly remember their time with her, and really only got involved with her for a mutual career boost. very few of them does she actually remember in a positive light, and the ones that were positive, still depress her bc lmao all of it was fake, even if they were really nice & made it less like a chore and more like they actually wanted to be with her!! even fewer of them were actual relationships. meaning, said person asked her out of their own volition, not bc their managers thought it’d be a decent match on camera. it was evil, really, what her old label made of her. (like, she makes funny jokes that her first time having sex was awkward bc she had a vision halfway through that bummed her out but in reality it was just...really more of a transaction that made her feel icky n progressively worse abt herself until it happened more often and now she just doesn’t care anymore. sex is just sex, u know?? everything’s fake. why you gotta make it personal.) this whole fiasco took over the larger part of rue’s career from like, age nineteen to age twenty-two or so, and she suffered dramatically from this because what is even a genuine, authentic relationship at this point? what do u mean you want to get to know me? did ur manager tell you to ask so many damn questions & try to get to know me? obviously you want something from me bc that’s why everyone gets into a relationship or has sex with me, stop confessing feelings for me u fucking loser. >:/

like...rue doesn’t even have friends. outside of her relationship with marcelo / @armsdealing (which, AGAIN, i think was initially arranged to promote her song be honest, how fucking IRONIC), rue does not have any personal relationships with anyone. i mean, she likes her latest management team since switching labels...her hair stylist is rly cool & her make up artist is fun to vacation with...she met a few other celebrities at events that she occasionally texts & has dinner with...yeah, she’s basically a pretty hermit. her family is more or less out of the question — the few brothers & sisters she does still have a positive relationship with (like, four of them lol), they don’t see each other in person often / mainly communicate via groupchat and facetime calls when all of them have time. she tried visiting with her mother over the years, but the verbal & emotional abuse/curses placed on her/accusations of being an imp of satan for singing to the public/memories of being forced to perform psychic shows & clean for chump change keeps her from trying to mend that relationship. like, being gaslit by ur mother isn’t really the vibe, u know? and bottom line, rue simply is a very shy and socially stunted individual who does not know how to communicate like a normal human being anymore. hell, her life revolves around pretending for strangers at this point!

now, onto how...all of That ties into her behavior / state of mind during this next album. so, after riding the wave of success from her third album & the circus that came with that. rue sort of had a fucking existential crisis. came out of absolutely nowhere. (not nowhere — one of her brothers called her out of the blue and called her ai’rina and she literally went “who the fuck is that?”) told her label that she was taking some time in between albums bc she was creatively zapped or whatever bullshit excuse she came up with that somehow worked bc this new label was a little more understanding than the last. vacationed for a little, did some hot girl shit, bought a house, tried to see her mother again for whatever reason then got the shit slapped out of her and finally screamed at her to never touch her again unless she wanted to Throw Hands. cried and got drunk abt it. that took six months. bullshat to her label again, dropped like two songs to smooth things over, decided to focus on magic for a little to ground her, started partying with label mates then going home shitfaced & hungover every other morning. that took eight months. dropped one last song, promptly deleted her twitter, tried to write songs again, got a call from her mother and panicked and got drunk. that took a year. vacationed some more, got even drunker, was bed ridden for like three months because holy shit i’m having so many visions and if i see One More Thing my brain is going to explode, couldn’t separate the present from the future for weeks after that, told absolutely no one about that, cried every day & had an identity crisis, dyed her hair to appease the identity crisis goblins. that took a year and a half.

now, she just chilling. dyed her hair again. scaring her siblings halfway to death bc she keeps going on benders & sending cryptic texts abt the visions she’s getting but they’re so incomprehensible that they’re seriously considering moving in to get her fucking shit together. had a vision that she was married with kids and had a two week identity crisis appeased only by moving houses. (she was in a neighborhood with families...too much Drama and visions. turned into a really cool song tho.) started calling herself by her birth name of ai’rina in private. reactivated twitter to send cryptic tweets that her album is coming. working on said album. trying to drink less but kinda failing bc how is one simply supposed to make a highly personal dual album without alcohol??? prbly somewhere crying in marcelo’s lap or smthn. just vibes.

like...i feel like, in my head, the Theme of her project is wrapped up in identity. her relationship with fame and whatnot. trying to coax her childhood self out of its’ shell so that she can function like a normal goddamn person for once and re-establish her values. like, if someone went to any of rue’s residences right now, it’s just songbooks everywhere and wine glasses and her crystals and shit, bc she still has people’s futures to read for money. (yes, she never really got out of that portion of her childhood, but hey it pays.) it was all very confusing to experience at once while in bed at four in the morning & even though i tried organizing and debated on this, it’s still a Lot. which is why i am once again asking for plots that would allow her to dissect all these Things

so yeah. album four otw, with a side of confronting our childhood & facing our traumas!

#rue — facts #imagine me making a cohesive hc post #it wont happen but like imagine how sexy that would be #anyway this is long and me thinks stream of conscious hc posting is both therapeutic and Exhausting #but i had a lot of thots abt her that needed to be shared to...yeah #abuse tw #alcoholism tw #long post tw #i feel like that its always sunny meme??? yall know which one #but anyways this is somehow overwhelming n embarrassing that i typed so much so i am going to hiding!#UNLESS!...........u want to plot with this Disaster of a woman :eyes:

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