#Dont listen to your brain post-midnight | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

xhanelia · 2 months

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Hi, I hope you’ve been having a good day! Can I please request a Sova that goes absolutely feral when you pull on his hair during sex... like he's a whole new man when you do that. The thought has been invading my brain and it won't leave hdjwkkdkd

-Sova lover anon

Ngl at all i be giggling and kicking my feet even thinking about this 👉👈 Thanks so much for waiting for me and i hope i do not dissapoint. Love uuuu <333

<<<Reader is she/her. MDNI.>>>

Im lost with words iykyk with Sova (nsfw)

It always starts slow and affectionate with Sova. We know him. He knows himself too. He knows that he is a little bit of an overgrown man (190ish cm long like holly shit boy what did your babushka feed you?) and he doesnt want to overwhelm you with himself.

But if you press his buttons, yeah, he switches a bit fast.

When he gets the 'fuck me hard' signal from you he doesnt care. You are under him now.

For him, its his hair getting pulled by you. Its like a wordless signal between both of you. Does the job perfectly so why need to ask for it, right?

The second you grab a handfull of his beautiful long blonde hair and pull it, he growls from the very deep of his throat. His body lovering over you for you to feel his weight on you more. Mhm. He got what you want for sure.

"You want to do it my way, darling?" The russian accent with the word 'darling' sounds deep near your ear. You know our giant bear. He gotta make sure even if he is too much over to control himself.

His moves are much over and about controlling you and your body. He is playing with your buttons too but mostly like a 'dim red light sex at midnight' kinda sex iykwim. He is rough but not ROUGH rough. Just the perfect amount to make you squirm under his body.

He can overpower you so easily he cannot lie that this doesnt turn him on. Pulling you in, stretching your legs, lifting you up and everything. And the sounds you make for him while he does these things? He could listen to you all night long. (Thats totaly not the reason he likes long sessions with you.)

This man has the highest stamina in the protocole if it wasnt for kay/o. He climbs up an down on snow for a daily basis. He is not letting you go anywhere if you dont use the safe word and make him stop yourself. If you know how to tire him then its another story.

You swear the first time you two get close like this, you thought that he had no experience whatsoever but now you realize you are so damn wrong. He may not look like he has experience but its all because he wants to make you feel alright and safe in his hands. But if you want to give the control all into his hands, then he will gladly take it from yours.

Kisses, hickeys, bite marks all over your body. Did i mention he has no shame? I guess i did on another one of my posts. I will say it again. He has no shame. He will look proud if anyone notices the hickeys he left over you. They gotta know that he knows how to do his job.

If you were to ask him about how he likes being in charge, he will laugh and just say a simple "yes, i do". Maybe his cheeks will get a little red but not because of embarrassment, its because of he lies how much more he likes it. This man LIVES for these moments.

(I wish i had a Sova for myself 😔)

#valorant #headcanon #sova #sova valorant #valorant sova #valorant x reader #sova headcannons #sova x reader

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luwukass · 3 months

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OKAY TRACKLIST BREAKDOWN!!!!

so i have now had breakfast and coffee and my brain is on and FUNCTIONING lets get into this

putting a break here incase youre scrolling and dont wanna read all of this lol

so first things first i was watching tiktok and people were making a big deal about how its split up into sides similarly to midnights now i do believe that taylor posted the back cover of the vinyl and that the cd will be different but i could be wrong. even if it is split up like this on purpose on every physical copy this does mean that it is a two LP album instead of one like midnights

one vinyl (both sides) can hold up to 44 minutes of music on it so we can roughly estimate that the full album will be about an hour and a half long now if each side is 22 minutes long each track on side a, b and c should be about (if each song is in equal length) 5 and a half minutes long. side d has 5 songs on it so some of those might be short to fit in the manuscript

i have also seen people compare this back cover to the back cover of lover which is absolutely breaking my heart and im sure thats not gonna be the last lover comparison i see about this album

okay so lets dive into this track by track

SIDE A

track one: Fortnight (feat Post Malone)

okay so first of all this is obviously not a reference to fortnite the video game but i think all of those jokes are funny as hell. the fortnight shes talking about here is a reference to the measurement of time as seen down below google states that fortnight is a british term for two weeks.

according to wikipedia fortnight is derived from the old english term fēowertiene niht, meaning "fourteen nights".

now onto post malone i actually listen to some of his music from time to time. he mostly does do rap but his most recent album austin (which is coincidentally also taylors brothers name, but is also post malones real name) is listed on google as alternative rock, indie pop and synth-pop. so im unsure of what vibe post will bring to the track. i think its also surprising she placed one of the two collabs as the opening track. i think the vibe for this track will probably be either a story about what happened in a certain two week period or about what is going to happen in two weeks from the songs time standpoint (if that makes sense lol)

track two: The Tortured Poets Department

A TITLE TRACK!!!! now obviously we dont know much about the album yet so we cant really try and figure out what the title track will be about so im just gonna do a little yippee for having a title track

track three: My Boy Only Breaks His Favorite Toys

this is a Whole fucking title good lord the only thing that really comes to mind when i think of this title is the lyric in better than revenge where she says “soon shes gonna find stealing other peoples toys on the playground wont make you many friends” which is if im not forgetting anything the only lyric as of now where she’s referred to being someones partner as someones “toy” but that lyric itself is a metaphor for relationships being playing on a playground. this will probably be a sad or angry song about how her ‘boy’ goes around breaking/hurting his favorite ‘toy’ aka taylor

track four: Down Bad

okay now down bad if you dont know is a slang term to describe how badly you have fallen for someone (mostly used in a more sexual nature in my experience than romantic) so this song will probably be about how badly she is for the love interest of the song

SIDE B

track five: So Long, London

alright new track five lets go! so this is obviously seeming to be a reference to track 11 on lover, london boy. now like taylor said when she announced it this album has been a secret for two years so we dont know when these songs were written or who they are about but i feel like it is safe to say this song and most of the other will be about said london boy [i personally do not care who a song is about and it is not taylors job to tell us who a song is about and that isnt the point of her music, but i will be commenting on the joe breakup bc that seems to be a large idea of this album so far] i can see this probably being about the break up and possibly sampling some music from london boy like she did with cornelia street and youre losing me

track six: But Daddy I Love Him

okay so the first thing i thought of when i read this track title is the scene from the little mermaid where ariel is fighting with her dad over the eric statue and im gonna be honest i dont remember the plot points in order of this movie BUT i do remember when taylor dressed up as ariel for her new years party in 2019. so given what we know this will probably be a song about maybe her fighting/arguing with her dad over how much she loves the love interest of the song regardless of who he is/how he treats her

track seven: Fresh Out The Slammer

okay so im not sure what this song will be about bc i dont think taylor has ever been to jail before so it would probably be metaphorical type of “im back bitches” type of song im assuming this might be a bass heavy maybe more rock leaning song and if it is a “im back bitches” it might be about the amount of time she was single for with the ‘slammer’ being her old relationship

track eight: Florida!!! (feat Florence and the Machine)

alright so as we all know this album has been in the works at least for two years but we dont know when each song was written so take this with a grain of salt but the tampa eras tour shows were the first shows after the news of the joe breakup dropped. so this song might be about her feelings during those shows. for those that want to know these were the surprise songs for the tampa shows in order.

night one: speak now and treacherous

night two: the great war and youre on your own kid

night three: mad woman and mean

SIDE C

track nine: Guilty as Sin?

okay so my main curiosity about this track is the question mark in the title because guilty as sin isnt much of a thought provoking title to me but that fact that its a question is interesting. the current vibes im getting are that this might be a more sexy song? but i have no idea here

track ten: Who’s Afraid of Little Old Me?

okay so THIS is giving big taunting energy like “aww who would ever be afraid of little ol me 🥺 youre afraid of me?” which im Hoping thats what the vibes are bc that would HIT but i can also see it being completely different as well

track eleven: I Can Fix Him (No Really I Can)

oh my GOD this one sounds like its gonna be sad. so this is obviously a reference to the common seen online phrase “i can/could fix him” which as ive seen is normally used towards people who are attracted to hot fictional characters that usually have a lot of emotional baggage or are villains (i saw it a lot when ballad of songbirds and snakes came out about young snow) so this song will probably be about her promising that she Can fix him and really will despite ‘him’ being broken or maybe even possibly a bad partner

track twelve: loml

so i saw and rb a post earlier about how its very interesting that this is already an acronym which i completely agree with because taylor knows we are no strangers to turning her song titles into acronyms. so loml does usually mean love of my life but i think because its already an acronym it might be something different (i saw someone earlier say it might be loss of my life instead of love)

SIDE D

track thirteen: I Can Do It With a Broken Heart

this one i think will kill me personally. i think this one will probably be about her continuing to go on with life (and possibly the eras tour) post joe break up i think this one will either be a sad song or a light beat ‘picking myself up on my feet’ song

track fourteen: The Smallest Man Who Ever Lived

this has so many implications but personally i think the interpretation shes gonna use for this song will be about how the said man is small emotionally and just as a person (i doubt she will talk about physical shortness in height or other areas)

track fifteen: The Alchemy

now im gonna be so real here i have no idea what this one will be about google says that alchemy is an older version of chemistry so maybe she will talk about the chemistry or alchemy she has in her relationships?

track sixteen: Clara Bow

alright Clara Bow! okay so i dont know much about old hollywood so i am NOT the person to deep dive into what this song will be about but all i do know about her is that she was The “It” girl of the silent film era so im assuming this song will probably be like the lucky one and talk about the rise to stardom and being the Biggest Star Of The Time

track seventeen(bonus track): The Manuscript

alright so after looking at the definition of a manuscript this is the PERFECT bonus track?!!?!?! so a manuscript is normally a piece of work that is written or typed out but isnt officially published which is just genius for having it be a bonus track that probably wont be on streaming (if not for a long time) i have no idea what itll be about but i love that mastermind

that’s pretty much all of my thoughts as of currently PLEASE let me know what yall think and what theories yall have for this album i am SO excited for april 19th 💕

#my posts 💕#taylor swift #swiftie #swifties #taylor swift theories #clowning 🤡#ttpd #the tortured poets department

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bisexual-queenie · 7 months

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Could you please post some Mha Pro Heroes head canons. By pros I mean the current pros.

Of course! Im super happy I got this ask!

(Trigger warning: A very small mention of a cult, but its not explicit)

All of nationality headcannons:

Mic: Half Japanese Half Italian

Edgeshot: Half Japanese Half Thai

Nighteye: Half Japanese Half Vietnamese

Miruko: Half Japanese Half Dominican

Mount Lady: Half Japanese Half Swedish

Present Mic, Edgeshot, and Nighteye are neurodivergent (ADHD, ADD, and Autistic respectively).

The Lurkers have a groupchat that was supposed to be for professional uses only, however it soon became so much more chaotic in a matter of minutes. People think Edgeshot, being the leader and all, created it, but it was actually Kamui (bless his heart by thinking it was gonna be professional). Edgeshot and Mount Lady quickly filled the chat with as much chaos as they could muster in 5 minutes.

Present Mic remembers every pro hero’s birthday, and you bet your ass he throws them the most spectacular birthday party ever (and by spectacular I mean the party fits what that hero is most comfortable with. If the hero in question doesn’t like huge elaborate parties, the party is more quiet and private. If the hero is a known party animal, then the room quickly becomes an elaborate house party)

Edgeshot and Ryukyuu know how to professionally throat sing. (Listen to “Genesis” by Otyken as a reference thats where I got this one lmao)

Some headconnons regarding pronouns and sexuality! (Please note these are no way cannon whatsoever, but rather something my brain think about a lot)

All Might: Cis Male — He/Him (Bi)

Eraserhead: Cis Male — He/Him (Gay)

Present Mic: Genderfluid — He/She/They (Bi)

Midnight: AFAB NB — She/They (Pan)

Ingenium (Tensei): AMAB NB — He/They (Bi)

Nighteye: Trans Man — He/Him (Gay)

Mount Lady: Cis Female — She/Her (Bi)

Kamui Woods: Cis Male — He/Him (Straight but such a wonderful ally. Would definitely hand out water at pride parades)

Edgeshot: AFAB NB — They/Them (Pan)

Best Jeanist: Cis Male — He/Him (Gay) (But like, he still could care less about gender, he identifies as a cis guy but trancends gender at the same time, y’know?)

Gang Orca: AMAB NB —They/Them (Gay) (In his words: “Orcas dont need genders”)

Miruko: Cis Female — She/Her (Lesbian)

Hawks: Cis Male — He/Him (Bi) (Never really put much thought into his identity, but is a huge supporter if everyone else in his usual nonchalant way)

Endeavor: Cis Male — He/Him (Straight) (I wholeheartedly think he doesn’t really understand, and thinks he is trying, but sometimes doesn’t show correctly, you know what I mean?)

Fat Gum: Cis Male —He/Him (Straight Ally all the way! He’s the one parading everyone around at pride event, wearing pride merch and making food for everyone)

Ryukyuu: Trans Female — She/Her (Lesbian)

(Please tell me if I used the correct terminology or not)

Nighteye can play the piano like a pro.

Present Mic loves playing the acoustic guitar. Hes THAT guy at a campfire.

While there is the obvious romatic relationships I adore (Erasermic, Edgejeanist, Nightmight, Kamui x Mount Lady, etc.), there are so many cute scenarios for platonic relationships

Eraserhead and Edgeshot being frenemies but caring for eachother so dearly.

Edgeshot and Ryukyuu BROTP

Gang Orca thinking they are the third wheel for Edgejeanist, but little do they know they consider them to be their “third”.

Lurkers being super close with one another

All Might caring for every pro hero like a mother hen

Nighteye and Midnight having gossip sessions

Miruko and Hawks BROTP #2

Ok, possibly the weirdest one yet: Yoroi Musha (the elderly hero, former number 9 hero) is Edgeshot’s adopted dad. (I saw it in a fic once and fell in love with it).

- The story (in my head) goes that Edgeshot was born and raised in a cult in rural Japan, and then one day when they were like 10 the comune gets raided after a tip was given, and Yoroi Musha led the raid. His eyes fell into a young, malnourished, and terrified Edgeshot and was like “they’re my child now” (This is the super simplified version, and Im super intrested in writing this!)

All Might considers Gran Torino to be his father figure. As a result, Nighteye considered him to be his father in law. Gran Torino wishes he can deny this, but at this point he cannot.

Last but not least! Eri, once she gets comfortable enough, considers every pro hero to be her aunt/uncle/somewhere in between.

Thank you @dragonspiritxx for the wonderful ask! I hope you like this!

Hopefully everyone else will to! I haven’t posted anything MHA related since I graduated high school back in May and started college as well, so Im glad Im back in the groove!

#bnha #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #im not tagging everyone who appears #just the ones who appear frequently #edgeshot #kamihara shinya #shinya kamihara #present mic #yamada hizashi #hizashi yamada #sir nighteye #sasaki mirai #mirai sasaki #erasermic #edgejeanist #nightmight #pro heroes

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mothman-clarice · 1 year

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I'm back bitches :)

My hyperfixations tend to shift around a lot every few days so that's why I vanished for a bit but I'm back on my hannibal brain rot so here we go.

This time I'm gonna be writing some rough notes about a fanfic I may or may not write at some point. It's the one I talked about briefly in my patrick Bateman post where I wondered what would happen if he met hannibal. I'll try to make a break in the text so if you wanna wait until the fanfic comes out you can read it spoiler free. This is mostly to help me try to make a story outline.

I originally thought clarice and hannibal would go on a trip to NYC but I soon realized that was a bad idea considering their "status"

So I decided Patrick would go on a trip abroad to Argentina with his new fiancee and that's how theyd meet

It starts with clarice and hannibal perusing the local market. They're looking at some produce when they overhear a man starting to raise his voice

Its patrick in an argument with a shopkeeper over the price of some fish which is rapidly escalating. Think the scene of him arguing with the lady in the dry cleaners

He suddenly stops, looks around and then grabs the shopkeeper by the collar, pulling them close as he whispers through gritted teeth

"Listen here BITCH, I will fucking fillet your ass if you dont shut those cock sucking lips of yours, UNDERSTAND?"

Hannibal and clarice take notice of the situation and silently agree to investigate, doing their best to blend in while getting closer so they can gather more information

Clarice goes into undercover FBI agent mode and hannibal listens while on standby as backup in case things get ugly

The situation isnt descalating so clarice eventually decides to tell hannibal they should try to intervene to protect the shopkeeper, but advises hannibal they should be slow and cautious

She says from the sounds of how he was talking to the shopkeeper (who was a woman) she noted he seemed to use a lot of vaguely misogynist language so she figured hannibal would be better to be the first one to intervene. Hannibal is bigger, older, and overall would command this mans attention better from what little clarice could tell about his character

Hannibal finally clears his throat, "excuse me? Is there a problem here?" He asks politely with a twinge of concern

Patrick stares at hannibal like a deer in headlights, his whole body frozen. All the blood seemed to instantly drain from his face as his mind races, "oh fuck how much did they hear? Was I being that loud? Fuck fuck fuck"

Patrick stands up straight and faces hannibal with a completely shifted demeanor recognizing him as an older obviously well off man similar to himself.

The shopkeeper stares at hannibal and clarice with a look of fearful hope, gazing at them as if they were angels who'd come to save her from certain death

P: "oh no need to worry, it was a minor... dispute." He smiles with gritted teeth.

Hannibal looks at patrick with a sort of side eye, unsure of whether he should pretend to believe him or confront him

Before he can decide patrick pipes up and tries to derail the topic. "Are those oxfords? Midnight blue if I'm correct? I must say you clearly have impeccable taste, sir. And your vest! My oh my you must tell me the name of your tailor!" He puts on an unnaturally wide smile

Hannibal looks over at clarice who nods subtly, gesturing to go along with it

"My tailor? Well I go to Kingsman, they're an english tailor shop that's been around for centuries and served countless members of nobility. They're absolute masters of their craft."

They keep patrick engaged in conversation and slowly guide him away from the now deeply relieved shopkeeper.

"Kingsman, I've definitely heard of them before. I knew you had to be European, I've just never heard an accent like yours before. I must say sometimes it can be boring spending all my time amoung my fellow american wolves of wallstreet," he gives a chuffed smile and straightens his tie.

Hannibal and clarice both immediately understand the kind of person they're dealing with, the dreaded wallstreet yuppie.

H: "Ohh Wallstreet huh? Interesting."

Patrick's chin lifts slightly and his grin grows as he bathes in what he thinks is Hannibal's admiration.

P: "Say, who's this lovely specimen you've got here?" He suddenly notices the gorgeous Clarice standing close to Hannibals side.

Her hair formed perfect shimmering waves which framed her freckled face perfectly. She wore a gorgeous summer dress and a sun hat which gave her a certain feminine softness, almost like Lolita. She really had outdone herself with her appearance today.

"You can call me June, Luca is my husband." She gives him a confident smile and gestures to hannibal who gives a nod to patrick.

C: "And your name is?"

Patrick is a little taken aback by her assertiveness but tries to brush it off. "Patrick Bateman. I'm from New york city, I'm visiting Argentina with my fiancée. I must say it can be quite breathtaking. Judging by your fair faces I'm assuming neither of you are from here either," he chuckles with his eyes trained on hannibal

C: "Oh yeah we immigrated here a few years ago. Couldnt stand the cold of Canada and needless to say we never looked back."

For a very brief moment Patrick's irritation became barely visible on his face, merely a twitch of his brow and lip as he cast a glance at clarice. However, Hannibals keen eye was able to spot this microaggression. Despite this he continued to play along, wanting to investigate this figure further.

H: "how about we go get some coffee and chat, my treat." Hannibal put on a smile.

P: "I think that would be lovely, thank you!"

They made their way to a local cafe, ordered their drinks and settled at a table when clarice spoke up.

"Oh would you excuse us for a moment? I need to ask luca about something privately."

"Of course! Take your time," yet again that creepy ass grin.

The couple walk outside and stand close with hushed voices.

C: "what do you think so far?"

H: "Clearly he seems to have a distaste for confident women. He threw quite a rude look at you whenever you spoke."

"Yeah I thought I felt some aggression coming off him too. Not surprising considering how he was yelling at that woman before."

"So what are we thinking? Should we keep up the investigation? Someone who treats honest workers like that surely is too violent to mingle with the public."

"I think we should, theres something about him... something that feels especially wrong. Like he's not just a guy with anger issues, theres gotta be something more."

I'm gonna stop there for now. I feel like I've got a good flow going. Hopefully I kept it at least somewhat engaging lol, I felt like I was getting a bit too involved in their small talk at certain points but I hope I fixed that. I'm excited to see where my brain takes this idea! :D

#clarice starling #hannibal #hannibal lecter #silence of the lambs #sotl #the silence of the lambs #thomas harris #hannibal the cannibal #clannibal #hannibal au #patrick bateman #american psycho

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atherix · 2 years

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Hi one of ur readers from midnight series here, i dont tend to give comments cause i tend to just lurk around but my GOD UR WRITINGS CONSTANTLY LIVES IN MY HEAD RENT FREE

I feel bad for my friends who have to listen to me brain rotting and just info dumping at how silly these men are KEKW

Anyway another lurker reader is here to say u write good. Have a nice day :D

- Purp anon

helloo! Hello hello welcome to my page <3 THANK YOU SO MUCH I'm so glad you're enjoying it, I love writing it!! <3

Hahaha I love hearing people are brainrotting over this story because I, the writer, am also brainrotting over it too <3

Well enjoy your stay, I post a lot of random stuff and also sneak peeks and Exclusives sometimes so <3 Thank you so much and have a good day~

#ask #Midnight Series #Y'all I swear I'll answer the longer asks in my inbox soon #khjfsdkjjkfds

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yearning-and-arson · 1 year

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ur opinions r so real & so is your music taste . since i dont know what else to say obligatory blorbo infodump section here -an orange (real) :D

Omg thanks!! I have a hard time articulating words about my blorbos so I will some blorbo bingos but with characters of my choosing :) I’ll do Steve Harrington (the blorbo ever) and another Nancy Wheeler because I love her so so much, and then my two favorite Riverdale characters because they’ve been on my mind 24/7 and I gotta rant about them, this post is rather long :D

Steve Harrington (THE blorbo):

He’s just simply the guy ever, silly dude with the most gender, he’s my babygirl, girlfriend material, they get all the bitches, she should be allowed to wear a skirt, need I say more? (Sadly no bingo for Steve)

Nancy Wheeler (I love her I love her I love her I love her I lo-):

Got a bingo for Nance! *pats her head* this girl can hold so much angst, she has the brain cell, she should be allowed to go insane, someone (Robin) save her from that awful love triangle, she deserves the world, i want to put her in a blender and watch her bounce around in there, I simply don’t understand how people hate her, like I respect their opinions but they’re just wrong

Now onto my Riverdale blorbos, this show is insanely unhinged but I simply can’t get enough, and for the love of god I wish they would stop traumatizing my beloveds (also I’m going to school in Jughead cosplay today because he’s simply so gender even though I do not care for him as a character)

Archie Andrews (my son):

He is but a boy, he’s a golden retriever, he’s an absolute idiot, like so incredibly stupid and unhealthily selfless (Archie son listen to me Hiram murdering all those people IS NOT YOUR FAULT), he needs sooooo much therapy, he needs to stop finding every excuse to take his shirt off (sir your father was just shot please put your tits away), i wish his relationship with Veronica was more than just them having a short conversation then fucking (it’s seriously so annoying I have to skip through so many sex scenes, they could be so cute but they don’t do anything except for that and it pisses me off), I love him <3, He simply doesn’t know how to human, he’s trying his best, I want to hug him so fucking badly, got a bingo for my boy

Betty Cooper (the love of my life):

GET THIS GIRL SOME FUCKING THERAPY!!! REAL THERAPY NOT JUST REFILLING HER ADDERAL! This bitch is so fucked up it’s not even funny, her dad’s a serial killer, she got sent to a corrupt nunnery and drugged, all of her tuition money was given to the cult her fucking mom’s in, she is held to wayyyy too high of expectations and definitely has body issues, internalized homophobia and heteronormativity has this girl in such a tight grip (she’s lesbian and asexual), like the whole first episode of the show is her forcing herself to be in love with Archie and then she has her sexual awakening via Veronica Lodge (don’t even get me started on how gay those two are for each other), I really wish her and Jughead were just besties because I simply do not like them romantically (they are mlm/wlw solidarity and in a qpr), she is on my mind always, I really just want to hug her like she is so fucked up, I am so incredibly gay for her like I would not mind if she held a stake to my throat and threatened to murder me, her in the midnights club episode of season three is like one of the hottest things I’ve ever seen she is just so pretty

Alright that’s the end of my rant, I’m sure there’s some more thoughts up in my brain, but this is it for now! I noticed that my blorbos from both these shows are a bisexual himbo and a badass traumatized asexual lesbian who date at some point in the show but I don’t like them together. Interesting.

#Thank you so much for letting me rant about my guys!!!#this made me so happy and i appreciate it a lot :3 #friemd asks

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augustheads · 1 year

Note

hey! wild child sounds really interesting, I may have to watch it! 🤔 as for today’s question, let me ask: what are your top 5 taylor songs? give me details on why! 🎅

hi anon! thanks <3

top 5 is hard because i havent done a formal sorter since post evermore, and so much has changed. so im gonna try and throw something tg

state of grace - i dont think a song can ever top it because to me its so taylor-esque and has that country-pop-rock sound that i love from her "so you were never a saint and i loved in shades of wrong, we learn to live with the pain, mosaic broken hearts, but this love is brave and wild" changed the course of my life

august - this song alters my brain chemistry the moment i hear "salt air" at the time i first heard the song i only ever felt like i was august, not in the literal sense but felt mentally discarded by people. the hook "remember when i pulled up and said 'get in the car', ..." is mind-boggling, life-changing, one of a kind songwriting

you're on your own, kid - this was an instant favorite off of midnights. though this song is custom to taylor's experience, there are moments where i know we can all see ourselves. growing up is hard and the world sucks so it fits to a lot of people. the production slow build into a triumphant end feels so right. my mom always said to me how i need to by my own biggest fan, and how i am the only one that is always there with me, every step of the way. it is hard to live by that every day, forget every month, year, etc, but that's why yoyok means to much to me. "i hosted parties and starved my body like i'd be saved by a perfect kiss" still makes me want to tear up every time.

blank space - the hottest pop babe of the catalogue. cruel summer's chaotic older sister that needs to be bailed out of jail. black space is pop perfection, and the blank space/style/ootw trio is one of the most powerful pop tracklisting I've experienced in my listening life, and i think its the best trio of tracklisting in taylor's catalogue. i would love to sing this karaoke one day, but you need to COMMIT to the part. "and you'll come back each time you leave, 'cause darling I'm a nightmare dressed like a daydream" like??? how the fuck was this allowed, this is the sexiest lyric ever. it is hot but instills the fear of life into you.

champagne problems - this song is the saddest tune i love to listen on repeat. this essence of, 'am i the girl who's 'fucked in the head'? will i ruin someone else's life because i cannot commit? am i doomed to this being my reality one day?' is why i come back to it. the piano is gorgeous, lyrics devastating, and has that direct storytelling that i love from taylor. "your midas touch on the chevy door, November flush and your flannel cure, 'this dorm was once a mad house,' i made a joke 'well, it's made for me,' how evergreen our group of friends don't think we'll ever say that word again, and soon they'll have the nerve to deck the halls that we once walked through: one for the money, two for the show, i never was ready so i watched you go; sometimes you just don't know the answer till someones on his knees and asks you.. 'she would've made such a lovely bride, what a shame she'd fucked in the head,' they said but you'll find the real thing instead.. she'll patch up your tapestry that i shred"... you get the picture...

honorable mentions in no particular order: i knew you were trouble, i know places, the lakes, cruel summer, 'tis the damn season, love story, and call it what you want

the folkevermore songs have such a tight grip on me is what i learned from this

also you asked for details so i absolutely wanted to give 'em. thank u bestie.

#bpacksanta #kat answers shit

0 notes

deerstar4 · 2 years

Text

🦌✴️4️⃣

Hi I’m orion, 🤩 This is my blog

(animation by @lowpolyparrot)

Dni nazis terfs maps etc and anyone who can’t handle weed or sex jokes. AND ALSO TENNIS PLAYERS DO NOT FUCKING INTERACT I HATE YALL /hj. Also lmk if I reblog from any freaks

More about me and fursona pics under the cut :33

If you know any other names I go by outside of tumblr, that’s cool but I’d prefer to be called Orion here on the tungler

26 years old ♏️☀️♉️🌙♌️⬆️

some kind of gender, your guess is as good as mine (they/any), bi, demiromantic, probably poly

I have adhd, a bit of autism, and probably other silly things going on

American from Arizona (mst)🌵

Working towards a career in music therapy!!

I’m a lifeguard

Former touring performer: I’ve performed in America, Japan, Germany, Hong Kong, Poland, The Netherlands, and Lithuania

Trying my damnedest to learn music production (link to my soundcloud in my blog description)

Novice piano player, baritone, wind chime owner

My dream in life is to hear a stranger sing a song I wrote!!

INTERESTS:

Music (edm, hyperpop, indie, rock, orchestral/choral, jpop, dance/club) some favs include Adam Tell, underscores, Former Hero, Porter Robinson, deadmau5, Wolfgang Gartner, Mord Fustang, AIKA, Wave Racer, The 1975, CHVRCHES, Puppet, The Midnight, six impala, Astrale, Vylet Pony, Daft Punk, Fox Stevenson, Glass Animals, I The Mighty, Muse

Gamez 😈 (fps and rpg are the big ones) Destiny 2, Borderlands 3, Fallout 4, Tiny Tina’s Wonderlands, Town of Salem, Dragon Age: Inquisition, Apex Legends, Dead by Daylight, Dishonored, Pokémon, Danganronpa, Among Us, D&D, TF2, Fall Guys, Cult of the Lamb, Warframe, sigh.... ovw 2, Disco Elysium

Netflix shows and movies (1899, Delicious in Dungeon, kdramas, anime)

Furries, and yes…deers

Science (physics; both astro and quantum, psychology, computer science)

Cinema4d and other digitally rendered art

Ghosts and the paranormal

Japanese culture

Space and celestial bodies

Retro technology

Poetry and other forms of written art

Halberds, and other polearms

I mostly tag posts for organizational reasons, lmk if you need anything tagged! Here’s a tag list:

#ori - original posts

#fur - pictures of furries

#aesthetic - posts i want to upload my brain into

#typography - cool lettering and word art

#joak - attempts at being funny

#asks - asks

#music talk - music talk, usually about edm

#deers! - deers

#schrödinger the cat - the cyclops that lives in my house

#currently listening - songs im fixating on and have to share (please interact)

#deer songs - original music

#deer poems - original poetry

#polearm gang - polearms

Feel free to send asks, dms, or song recs👀, it might just take me a bit to gather my thoughts for a response

some more serious things: please include my url if you’re going to screenshot my tags or replies, don’t show me dead or graphically injured deers, and please dont bring up sexual vore with me

Here’s the sona:

ref by @zannadoodles

by @catjest3r

By @popfizzles

by @mo0nsides

by @dnadonna

by my friend @clubhousecocoa

by @extrasentientrat

by my friend @jesterpup

by my friend @pirogieses

by my friend @notsoaverageviiya

by @prisma-bunny

Bonus evil fursona, Onion:

#ori #pinned #up to date as of 4/21/24

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moonlit-imagines · 3 years

Text

Your Calling

Poe Dameron x reader (platonic)

warnings: blood mention

a/n: for @emcon-imagines!!!! merry crisis, here’s a thing! hope u like bc my brain???? out of service gtbfbdhfd MWAH also surprise!! i finished this like an hour and a half before midnight and i dont want to wait to post it so ;)

prompt:

It felt right to be fighting in the Resistance among new friends and one old. Rey and you had been chosen family for years since you were both bound to Jakku, but now the two of you had a galaxy to take back.

You weren’t gifted with the Force like Rey, but you found something that was more your pace.

“Y/N, you gotta slow down!” Poe shouted through the comms as the you broke formation, getting ahead of yourself as you blasted down First Order ships. “Not this again...you know there was a plan, right?!”

“Who needs a plan when I’ve got two laser canons with ‘TIE’ written all over them?” You laughed a little too enthusiastically as your X-Wing weaved through the gunfire.

“If you get hurt, your sister’ll kill me!” He explained, taking a shot at the FOes on your tail, not that you cared or anything. You were confident you could shake them.

“Then I won’t get hurt, Poe. You worry too much.” You barrel rolled your ship around debris and hid behind a firey explosion that claimed the life of another trooper.

“Where did it all go wrong?” He sighed, half-chuckling as you flew back into view and let your blasting run wild. It wasn’t that he hated the way you worked, he was just like you in his early piloting days. He actually had caught a warning from Rey before takeoff, he was tasked with looking out for you, and for obvious reasons. Your sister knew how you were, how restless you got, how you itched to see some action and now you could.

While Poe was overthinking possible outcomes of this battle, your voice boomed over the fleets comms.

“Uh-oh!” You shouted. “I seem to have gotten myself into quite the predicament!” Poe surveyed the area, trying to figure out your position on the scanners.

“Where are you, y/n? What’s happening?” Poe panicked, looking above at the battlecruiser overshadowing him, and your X-Wing caught by the tractor beam. “Oh, shit.”

“Any advice before I go?” You joked, chuckling through the fear.

“Do you think this is funny?!” Poe yelled, slamming his hands against the controls.

“No.” You mumbled. “I’m scared.” Poe’s face went flush when your voice went serious, he stammered for a moment trying to react before you disconnected.

“Right, uh—Bully Kylo Ren if all else fails. I’ll figure something out, got me?” Just before you could answer, your line went static. “Rey’s gonna kill me. She’s gonna kill me! Okay, I can do this, I can do this.” He whispered to himself. “Black Leader to Base, come in Base.”

“This is Base, we read you, Black Leader. Go ahead.” Connix answered on the other end.

“Are Rey or Finn available right now? Kind of have an issue.” Poe’s fleet was still working on the rest of the FOes, but he was already working on docking on the enemy ship.

“What now?” He imagined she was pinching the bridge of her nose.

“It’s y/n. FOes captured them.” There was chatter on the other end that quickly ceased before Connix replied.

“Deploying a rescue party now. Just hold tight, Captain.” She instructed, but Poe was just as reckless as you, so he switch transmissions off, muttering:

“Like hell, I will.” Poe circled the cruiser and found opening worth a shot. Yes, it was risky. No, he didn’t think it over. He just went through the shields and let a few shots loose for good measure. When exiting his craft, he admired the flaming TIEs while jogging by. This wasn’t his first space-rodeo, he’d been a First Order prisoner before.

Running down the halls and sneaking past faculty, Poe went right for the detention block to save you before any harm had come to you, but he seemed to have took a wrong turn.

“Great...” He said, throwing his hands up once half a dozen blasters were trained on him. But he did make it to your cell since you and him were restrained side by side. “Y/N! Are you hurt?”

“Poe! Nice save!” You cheered sarcastically, even making the stormtrooper laugh as he left. “Yeah, I’m fine, thanks for asking.”

“You’re bleeding.” He observed you for any other markings and watched you smile.

“Kylo Ren came in asking about Rey. I said something along the lines of ‘What, do you have a crush on her? Take a hint’ and that was the thanks I got.” Poe chuckled at you, proud that you actually listened to him for once. “I also said ‘you don’t have my blessing’ and he stormed out.”

“Good job, kid. Your sister’s gonna get a kick out of that.” Poe leaned his head back against the restraints and exhaled a breath he’d been holding in for quite some time. “They’re sending reinforcements, by the way.”

“Oh, cool. At least we get some quality time together. What’d you have for breakfast?” You leaned forward to make eye contact, pulling against your restraints.

“I actually didn’t have breakfast.” Poe admitted with a shrug, watching you jaw drop.

“What?! Dude, that’s the most important meal of the day. I’m appalled, don’t speak to me.” You turned your cheek and ignored.

“Y/N—”

“Ah, ah, ah! I said what I said.”

taglist: @alwaysananglophile // @locke-writes // @sweetheartliz07 // @queen-destenie // @lotsoffandomrecs // @captainshazamerica // @ravenmoore14 // @thisetaernallove // @ofthedewthesunlight // @gabile18 // @sweetjedi //

#poe dameron #poe dameron imagine #poe dameron x reader #star wars #star wars x reader #star wars imagine

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artificialqueens · 4 years

Text

Girl I Met On The Internet, 6/6 (Crystal x Gigi) - Strawberry

a/n: and it’s a wrap! for now anyway bc i totally dont have a fic coming based on the good news nicky had for jaida! i just want to say thank you to every single person who read, liked and reblogged this story. it means so much to me, i’m so glad people enjoyed the strange idea that came into my brain. <3 (also! i wanted to let you guys know that i’m planning on posting this fic on ao3 as well, probably after this chapter is posted on here. my username on there is drivingmecrazy !!)

crystal: does everyone’s spring break start this weekend too?? anyone doing anything??

jan!: mine does! i’m staying home all week, jackie is leaving me :(

nicky: my spring break isn’t until late april!! wtf :(

heidi: ha loser

heidi: i’m going to play animal crossing all weekend i can’t wait

Jackie: I’m going to Canada to visit family on Sunday. Jan, if you want we can hang out on Saturday if you’re going to miss me that much. :P

nicky: i’ll hang out with you jackie

jan: i hate you nicky

jaida: i have a pageant next week!!

jan!: yaas gorg

nicky: bring home the crown!

crystal: GO JAIDA!

nicky: also jaida call me. i have good news for you :)

gigi: crystal you already know what’s going down

crystal: do i now?

gigi: GOOD LUCK JAIDA!!! NO MATTER WHAT YOU ARE OUR WINNER

Crystal had somewhat of an idea of what was going down. She had been granted permission to sleep over at Gigi’s house, and they would be going on their date the following day. Gigi would not tell Crystal anything about where they were going, and refused to give her any hints no matter how much Crystal begged.

The next morning, on their walk to school, Crystal finally got a hint.

“You tweeted about it. That’s all I’ll tell you.”

“That’s not helpful at all!” Crystal had almost 30 thousand tweets, her Twitter was her space to say weird things without being judged too harshly, and she had a lot of things to say! She thought about things she might’ve tweeted about wanting to do, or places she wanted to go, but came up empty handed.

“Well, you have the whole day to think about it. I’ll meet you after school, yeah?”

Gigi’s mom offered to pick them up after school, even though the walk from their school to Gigi’s house wasn’t far. Crystal finally met Nancy, Gigi’s beloved dog. Crystal didn’t want to do anything besides hold the dachshund to her chest all night, but Gigi wouldn’t let her, saying it wasn’t fair for Nancy to get all of the attention even though Gigi does the exact same thing with Tic Tac.

They made homemade pizza for dinner, and played monopoly with Gigi’s parents and her brother. Gigi’s brother thought Crystal was cute, and hit on Crystal; trying out a ridiculous pickup line on the green haired girl every chance he got. After they called off the game, Gigi excused her and Crystal to her room.

“So quick to leave, Georgina,” Crystal teased, sitting down next to Nancy who was using Gigi’s strawberry cow pillow pet as a headrest.

“Wanna spend time with you. Can we cuddle?”

“Yeah, of course.”

They sat in silence for a while, enjoying each other’s company until Gigi spoke up.

“I couldn’t do it.”

“Couldn’t do what?” Crystal asked, lost.

“Come out to my friends. I thought I was ready but obviously I’m not.”

“It’s okay, Gigi. You’ll know when it’s time, don’t rush it.”

“I just want to be more open, I guess.”

“That’s good, but it’s not going to happen overnight. You have to take baby steps, G.”

“Was it hard? To come out?”

“To who?” Crystal snorted, “You know I don’t have any friends. I’m pretty sure everyone at school already knows, though.”

“Does your mom know?”

“Probably. She got a little too suspicious when I started liking Poppy.”

This turned into revealing who their first gay crush was, and how and when they figured out they liked girls like the rest of their friends liked boys. Crystal told Gigi about how she originally tried to fake like One Direction so no one would suspect anything, and Gigi told Crystal about how she refused to listen to any music sung by female artists for half a year before they decided to go to sleep.

Crystal had woken up first. She didn’t bother waking up Gigi, going to scroll through Twitter instead. It was still early, but the group chat was on some bullshit, Jan changed her display name to Nicky and changed her profile picture to Nicky’s to mock her. Nicky did not find this funny in the slightest, but Jaida did.

nicky: i’m nicky i’m french i love stealing my friends gfs

jaida: omg period!

THE REAL nicky: JAIDA THAT’S NOT ME!!!

jaida: proof?

THE REAL nicky: I HATE IT HERE!!

nicky: croissant

crystal: HELPDGNJKFNJ

THE REAL nicky: i cannot stand jan. this is why jackie should date me instead

Crystal couldn’t stop laughing, which ended up waking Gigi up. Gigi was grumpy at first, but that changed when she realized they needed to get ready to go on the date she had planned.

After they had gotten up and dressed, they sat next to each other in front of the giant, floor length mirror next to Gigi’s closet to do their makeup. Gigi stopped doing her makeup after putting on her foundation, deciding that watching Crystal do her eye shadow was more entertaining than finishing the look she had in mind.

“Stop looking at me, you’re making me nervous!” Crystal giggled when she noticed Gigi’s stares, not actually wanting Gigi to stop.

“I’ll think about it,” Gigi paused, pretending to think, “I will not. You look beautiful.”

Crystal squawked, “I barely have anything on my face!”

“So?”

“What are you, gay or something?” Crystal teased, making Gigi poke at her sides, “Stop being a dork and finish your makeup!”

“Fine. Only because we need to get going soon.”

“Wait, you know how to drive?” Crystal asked, getting in the passenger seat.

“Yeah! I don’t have my own car yet, but I got my license on my 16th birthday. I am not enforcing the stereotype at all!” Gigi grinned, opening the garage door and starting her mom’s car.

“I’ll be the judge of that. Can I play music?”

“Yeah, sure.” Gigi handed her the aux cord and started backing out of the driveway.

“Okay. This is the ultimate test,” Crystal stated, starting to play a song. “Which One Direction song is this?”

The song in question was good, but Gigi didn’t recognize it. She had only listened to ‘Midnight Memories’ because it was Crystal’s favorite album, and she knew for sure Crystal wasn’t playing a song from that album. “Is it from ‘Made in the A.M’?”

“Trick question! It’s one of Niall’s solo songs. It’s called ‘Dear Patience’!” Crystal laughed, thinking she had pulled off the biggest prank in the world.

“Oh, fuck. I should’ve known there was only one person singing.”

After fifteen minutes of driving, and Gigi almost running a stop sign, they finally pulled up at a cute little thrift shop on the outskirts of town, and Crystal was just about shaking with excitement. “I love thrifting! I’ve only been once, but it was so fun! I found that jumpsuit I wore that one day while thrifting!” She rambles, rushing to get out of the car and inside.

“Wait, when I did tweet about this?”

Around the time they had first started talking, Crystal had tweeted about how her dream date was going thrifting. Gigi naturally stored this information in the back of her mind, even though at the time she never thought she would need it.

On their walk from the parking lot to the store, Crystal held her hand out, which Gigi hesitantly accepted.

“We should play a game! We should split up and pick out an outfit for the other person without them knowing and then meet up and try them on!”

Gigi’s heart swelled, Crystal was so cute. “That sounds fun, but how do I know this isn’t just a trick to dress me up in something hideous?” Gigi teased, making Crystal blush.

“I would never, don’t be ridiculous,” Crystal scoffed, “I’ll save that for the next time we go thrifting!”

Crystal let go of Gigi’s hand to open the door for her, splitting up as soon as they walked into the shop.

It didn’t take them very long to pick out their pieces. Crystal stayed true to her word, picking out a light green, halter top dress for Gigi. Gigi, on the other hand, had picked out a hideous pair of neon pink, zebra print leggings and a red flannel shirt.

“Gigi, what is that?” Crystal scrunched up her nose in disgust.

“You like patterns, why not clash them?” Gigi tried to defend herself, but could barely finish her sentence before bursting out laughing.

“No! I’m not getting that! I’m not even going to try on that outfit. It’s yucky.”

“That’s fine, give me the dress you picked out for me. I need that.” Gigi snatched it from Crystal’s hands, walking quickly to the dressing room.

The dress looked gorgeous on Gigi. Crystal was so glad she took their game seriously.

They looked around together for a little bit before wandering from each other yet again. Gigi somehow ended up with a pile of clothes that you would only see in a very successful thrifting haul video on YouTube. Crystal had stuck to the men’s section, immediately claiming some loud button ups and with a little digging, she found a very specific, out of place t-shirt that said something about how ‘real grandmas drink Dr. Pepper’ that she found hilarious and needed to own.

“What does that say? Some grandmas play bingo, real grandmas drink Dr. Pepper?” Gigi questioned when they finally met back up, “What does that even mean?”

“I don’t know, but it’s sending me. I need it!”

“So you hated my outfit I got for you, but you’re buying that?” Gigi teased.

“You do not understand the art of highly specific shirts, like these, babe. I’ll have to teach you all about them later.”

Gigi thought Crystal was an idiot, but she couldn’t stop smiling.

After paying for their clothes, they got back into the car. Gigi started driving, not telling Crystal where their next stop was. The stop happened to be the Taco Bell drive thru, which Crystal was excited about. “Okay, I do remember tweeting about wanting to go to Taco Bell.”

When they got their food, Gigi placed the bag in the back seat, making Crystal raise an eyebrow.

“You’re a messy eater, so we aren’t eating in the car. My mom would kill me if we made a mess.”

While Crystal tried to convince Gigi she was not a messy eater and her mom’s car would be fine, Gigi pulled up to a park.

“Can you find a spot to sit down at so we can eat it there?” Gigi requested. It took Crystal about two seconds to travel from the car to the grass, settling down in a shady spot underneath some trees. Gigi joined Crystal, holding a blue blanket as well as the brown paper bag.

“It’s not a picnic blanket, I couldn’t find one but I hope it works.”

“It does! I love picnics!” Crystal hops up so Gigi can lay down the blanket, going to retrieve the drinks that they forgot in the car.

Their lunch was filled with flirting, stupid inside jokes and Crystal loved every second of it. She knew for sure by the end of the day she would not be single anymore, but the lack of confirmation was making her antsy.

Once they were done eating, Gigi collected all of the wrappers and cups, walking across the grass to the nearest trash can to dispose of them. When Gigi came back, she had a huge grin on her face, “Well, Crystal Elizabeth. I would like to think that I successfully wooed you, if only you could do something for me in return…”

“What do you have in mind, Georgina?” Crystal giggles, hoping Gigi couldn’t tell how nervous that statement made her.

“Crystal Elizabeth, I was wondering if you would be my girlfriend?”

“God, yes. I’ve been waiting for this for months.” Crystal exclaimed, immediately being pulled into a kiss.

They stayed at the park after that. Crystal’s inner child had jumped out after the kiss was broken and she wanted to play on the playground.

“Wait, Crystal! Come here, the light looks good right now and we need to take our reveal selfie!”

Their date came to an end when Crystal’s mom texted her asking to come home. Crystal’s mom had no idea what she was interrupting, as Crystal did not tell her mom what they were actually doing.

“I hate it here, I would let this date go on all week if I could.” Crystal pouted, buckling her seatbelt.

“If there’s any other place you want to go this week, we could go on our second date.” Gigi smiled, reaching out to hold Crystal’s hand.

“Be careful, I know steering with one hand is peak lesbianism, but I don’t know if you’re a good enough driver to do that yet.” Crystal joked, even though she gladly accepted Gigi’s hand.

“Oh, shut up. Like you could go ten minutes without holding my hand.”

Crystal kissed Gigi again when they got on her street, Gigi parking a few houses down for privacy.

“This was fun. I really am happy with everything. You completely wooed me, Georgina.”

“I’m glad. Does this mean I can call you my clown girlfriend now?” Gigi jokingly asked, making Crystal let out a tiny scream.

“As dumb as that sounds, yes. You can.”

Gigi did not let Crystal get out of the car without getting another kiss.

Crystal entered her house, her grin slowly fading when she saw her mom waiting for her.

“You took a while to come home.” Crystal’s mom started, under the impression she was at Gigi’s house. “What took you so long?”

“Yeah, sorry. I couldn’t find my charger.” Crystal felt bad for lying to her mom, but she didn’t want to tell her what happened yet.

“Oh, your generation and your phones. I was starting to get worried.”

“Mama, I’m sorry. It won’t happen again. I’m going to my room now, is that okay?”

“Yeah, I’m about to start dinner. We’re having your favorite!”

The second Crystal got into her room, she locked her door and jumped on her bed, logging onto Twitter.

crystal: good evening l a d i e s

jan!: HEY!

jaida: crystal!

Jackie: You haven’t been active today, what were you up to?

heidi: not jackie demanding answers

nicky: ooooh

gigi: well, since you asked…

crystal: :D

gigi: my girlfriend crystal and i went on our first date today. isn’t she beautiful??

The group erupted into chaos the second they saw their selfie, congratulating the new couple for finally getting together. Crystal wouldn’t have it any other way. She would be forever grateful for being added into Elites Only, and even more for the special girl she had met there.

gigi: so, any ideas for our second date?

crystal: tons, babe. i’m gonna blow your mind.

#rpdr fanfiction #gigi goode #crystal methyd #jackie cox #jan sport #jaida essence hall #heidi n closet #crygi #lesbian au #high school au #social media au #girl i met on the internet #strawberry #submission #s12

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skelffricat · 3 years

Text

Good grief, Charlie Brown.

I’ve never owned an electric toothbrush. I’ve never had a dishwasher. I am the dishwasher. I like washing dishes. I never bought an iron. I don’t have a hairdryer. I find it strange that I get advertised these reusable alternatives for things that I never use anyway. Alternatives to cling film. I put another plate over the dish. Alternatives to cotton buds. I use my finger. (Ew, you may say, but surely a finger’s that size to fit in ears and nostrils? Or whatever orifice you please. Wash your hawnds.) Alternatives to cotton wool circles. What? I dont know why these thoughts have come into my head, when I want to write about my youngest child. Really, I’m meant to be working, but an annoying email from my dead daughter’s school sent me down a suicide rabbithole. Perhaps those other thoughts come about as my classic brain avoidance schemes. Like when you hoover instead of doing an essay. Positive procrastination, I used to call it. I wanted to visit some friends last night- a fun thing! but I was feeling all solitary and awkward. I cleaned the bathroom ceiling at first, instead! I had to really talk myself into going to see them. I was looking at my bed and it was saying, “Get into me! and read your book!”

Then I went, and I had a lovely time, of course. I still finished the book I was reading, when I got home at midnight, until three am, making myself ever so tired. I’ve stopped taking the tablets- beta blockers and mirtazapine (more by accident rather than design. They’re still up in the chemist waiting for me. I’m rather disorganised) and so sleep doesn’t come as readily. I have to take deep breaths for ages sometimes, to get over. And I awake in the night hearing things that aren’t there. I heard The Woodcarver calling me, one night, plain and loud as day. Another time, I heard my son knocking my door three times, sharply (or was it a burglar? I said that to someone and they laughed. Burglars don’t knock! Oh, hello there, wake up, I’m robbing you blind!) Bounced out of bed. Heart hammering. Called him. He was fast asleep. Was it her ghost? I don’t believe in ghosts, really. Kind of wish I did. She’d be a mischievous one, no doubt. Is it always 5:57am, when I awake? The same time. Time to find your dead child.

I’m often in the house alone, now. They didn’t want to leave me alone, and there were so many people in the house, for ages. Then all of a sudden, it stopped. And I changed lovers... I changed to the one I’d been in love with for over a year, the one who seemed too young, the one who wasn’t interested. Suddenly he was interested. Well. It wasn’t sudden. It took a few weeks. Seven weeks? The seven week itch? It coincided with when the Scottish lover asked me to stop letting other people come to the house. He wanted me to himself. Which is kind of fair enough, though I knew it wouldn’t last anyway. (People coming to my house, I mean, not the relationship. I really enjoyed having a relationship with him. He is very sweet, funny, intelligent, and kind. The sex was great. He can cook wonderful food and play guitar well. I liked to sing with him. I am ashamed to say I was bothered by his being smaller than me, though. His face tended to itch me, too- he never quite grew a beard long enough to stop that. As he kept shaving it off, not because he couldn’t. That was the first time he kind of annoyed me, though.)

Lockdown doesn’t help, of course. We were all breaking rules in our grief. Covid is cancelled, my mother said. Masks off. Hugs all round. A friend told me you need extra oxytocin when you’re grieving. I was getting plenty of it. Good grief...

Now I am frequently alone, and as my new lover is very busy studying (or perhaps less interested in me again now that he has my attention back? Though his reticence in getting with me stemmed from his concerns about the uneven nature of our interest in each other...) I haven’t seen him all week. I feel myself becoming depressed, and withdrawn, and paranoid, yet I still don't feel particularly sad about my daughter’s death. Which is strange. Isn’t it? Here is the email I received from her school this morning (it had her name and class at the top of the email):

“Good morning

I hope this email finds you all well.

A number of years ago I signed the college up to the campaign against period poverty. I receive and distribute sanitary products to girls, primarily on free school meals, but any who are in need of the products and either can’t afford them or it is difficult to get them. The products are normally distributed by myself, during P.E and games, unfortunately this can’t happen at present.

These products are still available during the school closure. If you wish to avail of them, please contact our school info account (which is only read by one member of office staff) your request will be directed to me and I will contact you directly regarding collection.

These are difficult times for many at present and to quote my favourite supermarket, ‘every little helps’.

Kind regards...”

I was really with her until she quoted Tesco. And said they were her favourite!! Ugh! I mean, it really is a great idea. Though they really should check if the people they are writing about are still capable of bleeding. My heart bleeds....

I replied thus:

“Hello there.

Great idea, but as (my youngest daughter) has died, she won't be needing them any more. I hate Tesco- they ruin many little businesses.

Maybe take me off this mailing list?”

Then I attached one of her seven suicide notes: the one for school. Which I had previously not shown them. I only found it on Christmas Eve. Can I attach it, here? It has no names...

There we are. Is it wrong of me to find her notes amusing? She is so angry, people say. I wonder how much of it is literal, and how much of it is using the school as a big nameless scapegoat. She was funny in the rest of them, too, and very loving. I found them comforting, like a fucked up Christmas present.

Then I started reading articles about suicide, and they were about how we shouldn’t call the people who do it selfish, about how depressed they are, how they need pity, not anger. I’m tired of the pity (though I’m not the suicidal one). I’m not producing enough sadness from myself when people pity me, either. Where is my sadness? Am I too acceptant of it all? We are all going to die. Is suicide like a C-section? Is it cheating death, like I thought my Caesareans cheated birth? Is suicide self euthanasia? Why do I not miss my daughter more? Is it because she had already left? Was she released, happy, free as a bird, swooping away on an Awfully Big Adventure? Trapezing her way into the æther? I googled to see if I could find any positive reactions to suicide. Is this my nature, to try and find the good in everything? To try and make light of the horrific? Is everything a joke to me?

I found this blog post, from Andreas Moser.

I love it. Am I trying to take the blame away from myself? The NHS? The school? Should I be reeling and railing against the systems that let my daughter get into that state? Why am I instead trying to find ways to applaud her behaviour, accept it, even enjoy it?! When I read his words, “I admire their courage (because logical as it may be, it’s not easy) and the determination to make the ultimate decision in life oneself.” I felt a strange sensation of relief, that someone else could think those things. I had been thinking them, but trying not to, because it seemed like such an awful thing to think. But then I think, why does anyone else have to be to blame? It was her decision.

The book I was rereading is called Life After Life, by Kate Atkinson. It’s my favourite book, I have decided, for now. Do favourites stay favourites? I was looking at my old Couchsurfing Profile today (because of Andreas’ blog- he, as a hippy hermit, is, of course, on Couchsurfing). One needs to update these every so often. Explain that you have watched another film in the last twenty years, that there is one less sofa in your living room, one less child on your earth. Even though no-one is allowed to move around, really. No visiting. No exploring. Perhaps she killed herself to escape the boredom.

In Life After Life, the main character, Ursula, lives again and again. (I forgot that to live again and again, she had to die again and again. It's a very sad and graphic book, spanning two wars- read it. It is, ultimately, uplifting.) I wanted to read it again to make my daughter live again, and again. We need to write her alive. Show her drawings and paintings. Listen to her songs (they're hilarious). Read her poems. Admire her photographs. Tell the stories of her antics.

I know that really she was actually depressed and withdrawn. I know it isn’t a glorious escape. That her wee head was broken, and that sometimes it’s just easier to say, it was unfixable, she was determined, this is what she wanted, than to contemplate it as my (or anyone else’s) failure to help her. I know that she used to be confident and gregarious. She would have danced in front of people, inspiring others. She was always upside-down, tumbling, twirling, cartwheeling. She had a dry, cheeky wit, and rather an amusing obsession with poo and wee. She was kind, and wise. She liked to bake vegan treats. She could draw, and paint, and sing so beautifully. She played the ukelele, but by then she was hiding away. She had started to write poems- songs? She wouldn’t show us them. We had to beg her to perform on the trapeze for her Granny’s eightieth, in July. She did so, beautifully, but you could tell she hated the attention. Four months later, she hanged herself on it.

Had we all withdrawn into ourselves, this 2020? Was there really nothing else to do? Yet I remember the start of Lockdown seeming idyllic. All that free time, all that sunshine. Was I just trying to convince myself, as usual? The only people we saw were the Woodcarver and the neighbours. She taught the wee boy next door to ride his unicycle. When she died, he brought in a picture he had drawn, of them on their unicycles, she as an angel above herself, a rainbow arcing over the three figures. His sadness affected me. I felt like I could only be sad through other people. Where is my sadness? Where is my grief? Good grief, bad grief, no grief? Alternatives to grief.

#teenagesuicide #goodgrief #badgrief

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cultgambles · 4 years

Text

Nature’s Alfredo Sauce

I saw @wtffanfiction ‘s post on weird words to describe genitals...

and my friend dared me to write something with 100 of the words haha. there’s 108 in here i think.

i dont even know.

Word Count: 1317

It was 10:30 at night, the angel lay in her bed without a care in the world. Well, she did have one care: the human that she called with such sweet words earlier that day had not shown up at the time they agreed upon. They were supposed to be boinking about now. A little bit of horizontal monster mash, one could say. 30 minutes past ten, she was quite bored. There was nothing interesting on TV to sate her being, and nothing worth listening to or reading. She couldn’t even muster up any dirty thoughts to swipe at her tainted jewel.

Ugh.

Until...a knock at her door.

Begrudgingly, she got up, using her wings to carry her the short distance to the door. Lazy. Peeking through the peephole, she saw her human standing there, a bouquet of yellow and red roses gripped tightly in his hands. She opened the door slowly, and he gave a sheepish smile.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said, “the dinner party ran super late.”

“It’s fine. As long as you do what you intended to do before.”

“I do!” he beamed, suddenly his pocket rocket becoming throbbing manliness tenting in the cotton prison of his pants. “I brought it just for you, my lance of love, for my love!”

“Ohhhh!” She crooned, her velvet underground becoming moist as he advanced toward her. Her pleasure pearl throbbed with need, as their mouths were on each other in an instant, tongues battling for dominance. He kicked the door behind him, scooping his angel into his arms and carrying her towards the bedroom. Her legs gripped his hips, and she could feel his coke bottle cock poking her hershey highway. He THREW her on the bed, shoving his shirt off, marveling at the way her eyes drank up his well defined chest. She crawled towards him on all fours, pressing her slender fingers around his MIGHTY MAN NOODLE, feeling its rigidness stiffen even more, massaging the orbs. “Do you like when I touch your organ? Your fuck stem, organic crotch gun, diego the explorer--”

“I know you’re trying to hit 100 words but that’s a little overkill,” the man frowned. “You can just say sperminator and go.”

“It’s hard, just like your engorged staff. It’s gotten so big and thicc I don’t know if it will fit in my haynannernanners at all…” She opened her mouth, licking the veins along the underside of his doggy lipstick.

“Oh that feels so good on my pulsing manmeat. This bulging soldier boy is gonna wreck your triangular area so gud beby.”

“I can’t wait,” she moaned, the DNA rifle still in her mouth, sending pleasures of vibration to the man’s brain. She swirled the tip of the holy wand, and the man groaned, digging his fingers in her long long hair. After a few more languid licks and sucks, his horrible wet mushroom was SQUIZRTING SOME BABY BATTER RIGHT INTO HER MOUTH.

“Urg,” he moaned.

“Aaaa,” she moaned back, milking the last few drops from his peenie weenie. His fuckfluid was very salty, like he had a bad diet. As soon as she popped off of him, iT (God’s pinky finger) WAS ROCK HARD AGAIN. She couldnt wait to get that cherry assassin deep in her damp canal of lust.

“Lay back,” the man said gruffly, kneeling to his knees. His tongue found purchase on her love nubbin, his fish pole fingers making their way to her weeping folds.

“Ur so wet for me beby...just for me and my giant sausage,” he groaned into her love pocket.

“Yes! Only for u, my man with the love tool! I never met anyone with a better male organism than u.”

“Really? You mean that? No one’s got a better you-know-what than me?”

“I mean it b. Hurry up now, my letter o be gettin dry over here,” the angel rolled her eyes.

“Oh yeah,” he said, returning to the attack on her valve. Suddenly, he detached from her clam cavern, his man-carrot spewing thick, hot princely milk all over the bed. “Your slit of ecstasy tastes so good.”

Damn, she thought to herself, I wasn’t even close. If his mauve avenger didn’t do the job, she would play with her kitty later after he fell asleep.

He snaked up to her, pressing hot fingers to her love pillows, pinching the rosebuds. “Was that good?”

“Yes,” she lied.

“Now it’s time for my pink stiff flobberworm. In your jewelry box.” (His crimson bird was hard for like the 3rd time).

“Yeah, I think my vagoo would love that.”

The man sat up, pulling the angel above his lap, over the one-eyed snake so her mayonnaise drain was directly in place to slide in easily. She sank down on the mayonnaise cannon, filling her up deliciously.

“Oh, babe, your communism stick is in my chamber of secrets so deep and good.” The angel readjusted herself, bracing her hands against his shoulders as she started to move her hips up and down his beef bazooka. His burrito, in fact, was so big she couldn’t even fit all of him in her moist core. COo.

She gave a sudden moan as the hungry dragon hit that sweet sweet geronimo spot deep inside her.

“Oh, ur tube flute game is so much better than your mouth frickle frackle. Yesssss daddy just like that,” she whined at the end. “SO good in my pleasure casino.”

“Baby, u feel so good on my kryptonian meat.” he gripped her anal fortress with such vigor, it was sure to leave small crecrents. He took a mythical berry in his mouth, teeth grazing the sensitive spot of her fun bags as his hips rose up to meet hers. He POUNDED into her at inhuman speeds, the angel groaning with every pump of his muatra.

He liked watching his dark spire go in and out from her forbidden fruit, the way his crown jewels slapped her poop cavern harshly every time.

“Do you like your formerly caged viper meeting my downstairs mouth?!” she purred.

“Yeah looks great. Feels great. Must be mine.” (why did i think of p!atd emperor's new clothes??)

Soon, but not soon enough, the angel felt a tight knot in her belly.

The tell tale signs of an orgasm (surprised they didn't have another word for it). It hit her like a tonne of bricks as she threw her head back in ecstasy, her chest balls bouncing from the force. Each in a different direction, just like anime girl tiddies. She was wrecked.

The man felt her penis trap tighten as her walls squeezed his hairy wolf dingaling. A few more thrusts of his hips had his hardened arousal squirt his liquid love deep in her man muncher, quickly turning it into a cave with honey.

They both moaned wantonly, so loudly that the neighbors were probably also getting off from their wonderful time of bumbin uglies.

He pulled out of her cum dumpster, his love muscle flopping against his belly, still leaking spaff a bit.

The angel flopped over next to him, feeling warm pale liquid seep out of her egg chamber onto the bed.

“Your midnight meat train never ceases to amaze me. Like why is it so big and so good?”

“Good genes I guess,” he laughed, “but your woman-tomato is givin me a run for my money.”

“That was fun, you can come use your mighty sword of eros in my cock garage again.”

“Can I use my sugar quill in your fart factory next time?” He asked, batting his eyelashes.

“Sure, why not. Only if I get to peg your man pussy too. So it’s even.”

She laughed, pressing rumblr spheres (and subsequently naked body) on his person, hugging him close. Of course, his thingy became restless manmeat ready for action in 5 seconds flat.

“Another round of belly magic?”

#smut #writing #parody #funny #writer #lemon

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wwounu · 5 years

Text

mafia!jeonghan “YOON” #11

↻ masterlist — intro￤s.coups￤yoon￤hong￤wen￤hoshi￤jeon￤woozi￤dk￤kim￤xu￤boo￤chwe￤lee

traitor

member of Venor Unit

his role is more of a spy, however jeonghan likes the term ‘traitor’ more than anything

there are many rumours about him

only a handful have been picked to be debunked as true or false

for years he’s still been rumoured whether or not hes a member of seventeen

surprise surprise, he is

and the story of how he was recruited was one he’d never forget

because who would forget his missing nineteen-year old childhood friend climbing up to the top of his penthouse, at 1:27 in the morning, and suddenly break and walk into your bedroom like it’s no big deal?

in other words, he wasn’t pleased to see his dearest seungcheol

his friend was talking about all sorts of nonsense the moment he startled awake: japan, gangs, tattoos,, bad haircuts,,, poisoned ice cream??

this wasnt the seungcheol he remembered

so with mixed feelings, jeonghan told seungcheol to crash on his bed while jeonghan would take the couch and asking seungcheol to take a shower because he looked like he came back from a fight with a shark

when morning came seungcheol was trying to explain jeonghan about the wonderful complicated world of mafia business

but jeonghan had none of it — it sounded unreal

on top of that he was more fussed over seungcheol leaving for two years and not telling his own friend about it

with all this anger building inside him, mainly due to the stress of trying to get his head around this whole... thing, he told seungcheol to leave and go back home

seungcheol gave a look at him, a hard look, before he sighed and stormed out of the place

jeonghan didnt miss the small ‘no one ever stops to listen to someone like me’ under seungcheol’s breath

and never in their friendship they brought light upon their many differences, so it kinda tugged on jeonghan’s heartstrings

it saddened him knowing he didn’t give the welcome his friend wanted but at the time he thought he was in the right

then for the next two weeks, seungcheol was desperately trying to get jeonghan to join his ‘mafia’

(mafia in asteriks, because jeonghan wasn’t having any of his bullshit)

through messages, messy letters, he even received a collection post-it notes stuck around his penthouse without traces of who did this even though he fully knew well who it was

and that night jeonghan was paranoid that seungcheol would randomly break in again

then the desperation for help stopped for the next month

although jeonghan did enjoy the attention from his best friend and wanted to continue this ‘fun’ game, he began to grow concerned

his best friend disappeared without a trace. again.

the cope was harder to deal with this time, because the insignificant thought about seungcheol truly being a mafia boss was becoming the host of his nightmares

you best believed the utter shock on his face when he saw seungcheol sat beside his door around midnight

hood up, dirty head to toe and one nasty cut on his lip and cheek

jeonghan was supposed to go to a party, but that priority was ignored straight away

he takes seungcheol in, aiding the cuts before doing anything else

as jeonghan would expect from the man, seven year old seungcheol would be screaming ugly noises with snot running down along his tears

but this other seungcheol didn’t flinch at the pressure of the alcohol touching his skin, and looked in every direction to avoid jeonghan

that — thankfully — hadn’t changed

seungcheol always payed attention to his surroundings when he doesnt want to be in a situation. it happened a lot with his father

so jeonghan asks why he looks like shit

and all the anxieties rush to his brain as the thought of his lash of anger to seungcheol caused the latter to end up like this

questions like when did he last eat?, where did he stay?, did i do this?

but seungcheol started explaining himself

something about these high schoolers ganging up on a sixteen year old in their school because of his looks, seungcheol stood up for this said ‘sixteen year old’ and found the four-against-one fight fair play until they brought out knives and seungcheol was like youve got to be kidding me

and suddenly, one thing led to another and the sixteen year old lit a tree on fire???? and he lifted a stray branch, took out a lighter, then lit it before storming to the high schoolers with a maniac-like look on his face

and the kid was then gone as he chased the high schoolers away

seungcheol had never been more confused

but he had to get out as there was still the,,, burning tree there,,,,,,

and when he finished his story, he paused, falling silent again and sort of bitterly saying ‘sorry, half of the things i say sound unbelievable now’

and jeonghan is a bit offended but he wasn’t going to push seungcheol away yet again

so jeonghan tells him that he believes him and at first seungcheol kept arguing that he’s bluffing for his sake

surprised, jeonghan reassures him again and again to get it through seungcheol’s head that he’s going to join him because he’s going through a hard time, anyone can see that

remaining silent, seungcheol nods before he manages out a thanks

they apologise and forgive each other, and later that night seungcheol tells everything — and i mean everything — about his family and the mafia

it was a heavy night for seungcheol

which brings us to today

since jeonghan was born into a rich family, it made seungcheol’s job way more easier than it was as jeonghan had higher class connections with others while his friend kept lowkey

he can have news alerted to him quickly like updates on parties, social events, scandals, some juicy affairs here and there, all that corrupt high-society crap

and he gets the odd word about some mafias in korea, making it his duty to report all of it back to seungcheol

with seungcheol’s command, he does whatever he instructs him to do, which is to spy on any updates of the situation

hence why he’s always out at fancy social-events

its truly a bore though. he’d rather sleep in

you may think he’s just acting naive most of the time — but he’s listening to every word and every moment he can sink in all around him

the highlight of the night is when everyone gets drunk, which is the perfect time to hear their dark secrets and use his sweet-talk

effortlessly finds a way to manipulate his way to invite himself and seventeen, who’d he’d call associates, to any banquet whenever he senses dirty work will commence

his pretty-boy looks usually do the trick ‘seventeen’s pretty boy’, the group calls him

makes the time to take care of the member’s schedules and invitations to these places, even going to the extent to make replica invitations

creates a plan of how the members enter so that they wouldn’t be seen together and raise eyebrows

particularly during these events, other suspicious men try to keep a close eye on jeonghan due to the rumours of his relation to the seventeen mafia

yet they’re wasting their time because he’s never in one place and socialises with many people

often when he strays on his own, he explores the area and wanders from room after room to find anything else valuable

normally reports to wonwoo what he finds through an earpiece

‘i found a diary’

‘youre going to open it arent you’

‘risqué, she keeps a taser and a ton of money in her lingerie set’

‘dont take the money’

‘wasnt going to’

‘jeonghan drop the roll of money right now’

‘... fine’

‘okay’

‘i took the taser instead!’

did i mention that he needs to ‘borrow’ a belonging as his souvenir for the places he visits

and because of junhui, he has semi-mastered the skill to hide all evidence

also pretty much hates it when he’s rushed, needs to take his tiem with everything (excluding when they’re in grave danger then that’s different)

mouth runs a lot so when he really needs information to be spilt, he exposes other lowkey scandals to get the information he needs

this is where he gets his traitor title from

if he’s framed as a traitor, he turns the tables around and either puts the blame on someone else or on the person calling him a traitor

he’s grown up in this corrupt class and knows all the dirty ins and outs of it

when he feels like he’s being interrogated to spill information, he takes control of the conversation and does subtle things like asking for things usually pouting when doing so or complimenting on one thing before discussing something completely off topic

he can never expose seventeen and will never expose them even if he’s dying

another off-topic fact, he calls people babe a lot

mainly because it makes people feel a certain way, but its jeonghan’s self-acclaimed magic word

that word does things

is also a part of A Team, but due to the fact jeonghan is always busy, they dont work together as often as they used to

looking at soonyoung, wonwoo and jeonghan, you wouldn’t think of them to be that close but they’ve had history

out of all of seventeen, he’s the weakest in terms of weaponry since he’s basically just a informant to seventeen

therefore his choice of weapon are usually used by the closest thing to him

prefers glass as his choice of weapon if he had to choose, so because of this minghao frequently gives him smashed wine bottles for jeonghan’s use

a bit of a brat

but seventeen never mentions it

loves seeing people beg in front of him, especially when theyre desperate

this might be because he likes attention on him

teasing and poking fun at them gives him the greatest joy, it leaves him so satisfied but also wanting more

normally after difficult jobs done by the whole group, when Perficio Unit are clearing up the last of the evidence and killing the last of their suffering enemies, jeonghan skips in to take a wonder around too

Perficio Unit let him because its jeonghan

blood is soaked everywhere, many men are on the floor, some dead, possibly not, and their fancy suits all ruined while the four males finishing the job play jazz music on blast as they take care of the remains

just another job for seventeen

and jeonghan inspects each face, making sure the fear is their eyes while theyre slowly dying from blood loss. if they arent, then jeonghan pulls a gun out of his pocket and points it at them, getting the reaction he wants

(the gun was full of blanks anyway, what’s there to be scared about??)

decides to steal a wristwatch from one of the men and gets told off by the unit because they now have to get rid of jeonghan’s dirty fingerprints for stealing the accessory

loves it even more when Perficio Unit are in the middle of an interrogation (on most occasions they lead the questioning) back in their hideout and pops down to see how their ever-so suffering victim is hanging in there

generally summoned down if 1. wonwoo is busy or 2. they need the victim to speak a bit more

jeonghan doesn’t play once he comes down — but its inevitable that he’ll make sure that he gets the satisfaction that he wants from the person held captive

will stay until theyre sweating and crying in a mix of blood and tears and they are begging in front of his feet while tied up. he wont stop the torture unless the person confesses truthfully to what Perficio Unit ask and feel numb around their whole body that it hurts

uses the taser he stole in addition to let the pain sink in even more, also decorated the taser to have stickers of a halo and wings to look like an angel

when they get the answer they want, it’s a job well done for jeonghan

and when the victim thinks its all over, jeonghan sweetly grins one last time to them, turning foot because, really, he cannot do anything to the poor soul

he shrugs and walks, searching in his back pocket for a gun a filled one this time, twirling it around his fingers before handing it to one of the unit members

without skipping a beat, he smiles, whispering ‘enjoy’ and leaving them to do their job

needs the members as much as the members needs him

a perfect balance

“Somebody said it means imperfection and danger”

#hopefully this hasnt dragged on for too long #2.1k words?! yikes!#also im posting the aus by recruitment order #jeonghan #yoon jeonghan #jeonghan au #jeonghan imagines #jeonghan scenarios #seventeen jeonghan #seventeen #seventeen imagines #seventeen scenarios #seventeen mafia au #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #mafia!jeonghan #lucet iaspis au

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turtle-steverogers · 5 years

Text

race is a flat earther and al wants to die

when i planned this fic this morning it was a lot more stupid and shit

but then this happened

so im sorry ig

warnings: none really. but angst kinda ig sorta

ship: ehhhhhh ralbert....

word count: 1030 how satisfying

His hand was wrapped tightly around the steering wheel, eyes trained on the road ahead of him, only flicking away every so often to check the rearview mirror. It was nighttime, meaning it was easy to lose oneself in the daunting shadows of the streets, threatening to pull you under with its strength.

Silence suffocated the atmosphere as it had often done in the past few months. Lips stuck together, struggling to make conversation though it had once been easy. Two hearts that had once been adjoined drifting apart by the second. Was it a blessing or a curse? A relief or a burden? The answers were unclear, but they had a mutual understanding of the shared feeling. Whatever they had was drawing to a close. It was weirdly sickening. Disheartening. Feeling the grasp of something so strong slipping between their fingertips as their hands that once gripped the other’s so tight barely brushed at the edges. It was like holding water in open hands.

They drove in circles around their town, their stomachs full from dinner. It was Valentine’s day and almost out of sheer obligation, and partly from literal desire, they’d decided upon a date night. It had been a while since they had done something together, anyway.

The night was going smoothly. No petty arguments. No fuck-ups or frayed ends fraying further. It was almost like old times. Almost.

They passed a road sign with a large, cheesy photo of the Earth on it, along with some stupid advertisement for water, and Race smiled sadly, brain wandering as a new memory invaded his mind.

“So, the Earth is flat.”

Albert groaned, letting his book drop to his lap as he scrubbed a hand over his face.

“You’re literally an astrophysics major,” Albert sighed, keeping his palms pressed over his eyes as he fought the impending headache that threatened his skull, “don’t come at me with this shit.”

“Oh come oooonnnn,” Race whined, “Think about it! People all around the globe support this theory!”

Albert lifted his head, a bemused look etched on his face. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before scrunching up his eyes and shaking his head.

Race bit back the urge to laugh, Albert’s reaction already better than he had imagined.

“Race, baby,” He sat up, guiding Race to sit down next to him and leaning forward to rub his temples, “I want you to say that last sentence again, but say it slowly. People all around the globe support it?”

Race couldn’t help the spurt of giggles that passed his lips, his face sprouting into a giddy grin, “Sorry, babe, sorry,” he managed between laughs, noticing that Albert was watching him with an exasperatedly amused expression, “I just wanted to see your reaction.”

Albert studied him for a moment longer, then scoffed and picked his book back up, “You give me pain, love.”

Race situated himself so that he was tucked into Albert’s side and pressed a kiss to his cheek, “Yeah, but you love me, so…”

Albert’s gaze didn’t shift from his book, but his smile turned into something a little more genuine, “Yeah, I guess I do.”

The boys in the memory seemed to differ immensely from the boys who sat in the front seat of Race’s old RAV4 now. They had been more carefree. More open with each other. Less scared to say something wrong. But at the same time, more scared. Less resilient to when his right to speak up was thwarted. He had grown to be more guarded with himself. To hold his ground better, despite how detrimental standing up for himself seemed to be.

They passed a train station and another memory resurfaced, the intimacy of that moment making it almost more painful.

Albert’s lips were soft against his, hands gripping his biceps as they kissed slowly. It was well past midnight. Long since the time when other pedestrians swarmed the area, looking to go home after a long day of work.

They were alone, their solitude invigorating.

Albert lifted his hand, lacing his fingers into the back of Race’s hair and deepening their kiss. They were close, warm, happy. In love.

He wasn’t sure how long they had been there, listening to music and talking before losing themselves in each other, but it was amazing. Every stupid, cheesy love movie made sense in that moment. It was cliche, but real and raw and Race couldn’t be happier.

Albert pulled away and they broke apart completely, chests heaving and eyes glinting.

Albert traced his fingers lovingly along Race’s jaw, placing another, softer kiss on his lips. Race allowed his eyes to flutter shut again.

“My god, I’m in love with you,” Albert murmured, voice barely audible.

Race leaned his forehead against Albert’s, “I’m in love with you, too.”

Race swallowed, emotion rising in his throat. He missed it. He missed the long kisses and the strong embraces. He missed them.

The urge to reach out and take hold of Albert’s hand soon became too much to bear and he shifted his arm over the console. He could see Albert’s look of surprise in his peripheral when he intertwined their fingers, but he stayed adamant and a moment later, he felt Albert squeeze back, rubbing his thumb over his knuckles. Just like old times.

So why didn’t it feel like it?

He rounded the turn into Albert’s neighborhood, driving on mental autopilot to the house he’d driven to so many times. He pulled up gradually, putting the car in park almost reluctantly. Almost.

They sat in silence for a moment.

“Tonight was fun,” Race said, breaking the quiet.

Albert looked at him, smiling. It didn’t look right.

“Yeah, it was really nice.”

His remark was genuine, but scripted.

“I love you,” Race said, leaning forward to peck Albert on the lips, “Happy Valentine’s day.”

Albert reciprocated, but the warm feeling that once accompanied the motion was nonexistent, a weird pang of sadness taking its place.

“I love you, too,” Albert said, opening the car door, “Drive home safe. Happy Valentine’s day.”

Race waved, watching as he walked to his front door. They knew where they stood, but god did it hurt.

*hi wait this is me ten minutes after posting i edited it cuz i forgot to italicize memories lmao*

so happy valentine’s day lol

thanks for reading, chiefs

hmu to be added to my tag

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