#(and the whole experience is so surreal that the both of them just. keep going. bc why not.) | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

weebsinstash · 9 months

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My yandere Invincible posts have been getting notes recently now that season 2 is starting and there's a specific idea I have in my head for platonic yandere dad Nolan x daughter Reader because of a scene from the first episode, the scene from Mark's past where (small spoiler I guess) Nolan visibly heavily contemplates killing Mark and Debbie (because Mark might not get his powers and, he doesnt want to fail his mission) but quickly stops himself and is clearly ashamed for what he almost did

I keep thinking of a specific scenario. Reader is his second-born daughter who is a couple years younger than Mark and you're his little princess and you're just, outside playing while your parents occasionally peek out at you through the glass door/window to the backyard and, you're like 5 or 6 when things just, suddenly change, it hits you like lightning. Things look differently, they smell different, the sun on your skin feels different, the toys in your hands feel lighter and weirder than before, and when you start to slowly squeeze them, they start to break, but, you're smart and fast enough to stop.

But it's not JUST your body. It's your MIND. Suddenly you're remembering all those cartoons you've ever watched, practically every memory you have, every experience, every fact.

Temporarily, ever so briefly, you start to float, and you easily figure out how to put yourself down.

You're so excited you can't even make a sound-- you've got your powers like Dad!-- and you go to tell your parents, and you see then talking inside. You don't want to interrupt and wait outside patiently, deciding you'll go in when they're done talking even ss you're bouncing in excitement. And, you see everything from Ducktape Man to Mom and Dad talking to that menacing movement your father made, where some animalistic instinct inside of you knew it was HOSTILE and, in just a few moments, you're putting it all together, like either some gullible kid who believes everything in cartoons, or, perhaps, someone who just became a lot, lot smarter: you start hypothesizing that Nolan must be evil and has some hidden ulterior motive. Why would Nolan be so mad at Mark not having powers to the point of violence, murder? Oh, because if Mark didn't have powers, he wouldn't be like dad, he'd be a human? Does dad not like humans? Does dad want to hurt humans? Is there any other reason Dad seems to almost NEED his offspring to be Viltrumites too?

Oh, is Dad a bad alien who wants his children to leave Earth and human culture behind for their roots? And if he doesn't succeed, he'll snap? Is it like in those cartoons where the evil father tries to bring his kid to the darkside and the hero has to fight and defeat them even if it hurts?

The whole theory and coming into your powers is surreal, it's inhuman, but it's the new you, the new Viltrumite you. You burst into tears as you become overwhelmed and stressed at the idea you might have to fight your evil dad, lying to your father, no, Nolan, that you were crying because you broke your toy on accident and he has to shush you as he promises you a new one but your chubby little kid arms aren't squeezing him as tight as they used to

You start keeping secrets. You start watching him all the time, the things he does, the things he says, and the more and more, you become convinced. He never stops treating you as his little angel, and you even notice, he's, for some reason, gentler with you than Mark and, as you grow older, you realize it's because you're a girl and for whatever reason he's falling into the very stereotypical role of, treating both you and Mark very well overall, but, also being more lenient with you, telling Mark he has to be a good brother and protect his baby sister, Nolan always trying to buy you little sweets, but, after you saw what you did, your behavior towards him immediately shifts. You try to act the same to avoid arousing suspicion but you aren't nearly as affectionate and, as you get older, you take advantage of using puberty and needing independence as an excuse to put emotional walls up and distance yourself from him, even as he constantly tries to engage and spend time with you

Your family is worried what's wrong with you when you start calling him Nolan instead of dad, you suddenly don't want to spend time with him, your mom, and even your brother. You start working the second you're legally old enough, but, despite how bright and inquisitive you were as a kid, your grades are. Average. As in, deliberately average. You can never let Nolan know what you are. As you age and hear more and more of his comments where you can tell he's insulting not just anyone in particular, but the entire human race, you steel yourself, because you know, you know this man cannot be your father anymore, and you may even have to kill him. But you're so overly cautious about him and anyone else not finding out that you're limited at training options. You can't just fly anywhere, you can't just practice martial arts against normal humans, but, you find ways to make it work. You work manual labor jobs your father scoffs at, you wait until night and/or you know he's off planet to practice flying in one single field where you can see for miles all around you and see any witnesses or planes coming

You are a daughter with every intention of either abandoning her family and leaving the planet, or killing her father. Once you realized that you were an alien, unlike Mark and unbeknownst to Nolan, you're more like your father than you realize. You become more apathetic to humanity, more nonchalant about where you are in life. Suddenly you don't have to worry about your grades or college or things like that because, well, what good will earth stuff do you in outer space? Maybe you'll pick up some more practical knowledge but, really, the only reason you don't leave the planet once you start getting older is literally just that, one you're still attached to Mark and Debbie, and two, you don't have a flight suit and know your clothes will burn up and. You wanna get out of here but you don't want to be naked in space!!

Like picture this. Mark has just gotten his powers and you're heartbroken because, over the last decade your father started spending significantly more focus on Mark instead of you, inviting him to things he doesn't even mention to you, finally shifting almost his exclusive attention to his son, and, now Mark is "just like dad", already starting to get full of himself because hes stronger and "better", which worries you because, you eventually deduce Nolan is some kind of invader who is having kids to be soldiers. Like imagine sitting at the dinner table and Mark is all "don't worry sis, I bet you're a late bloomer too :) youll get your powers soon" and Nolan pipes in like "yeah and then we can all go out flying together" and you just look him dead in the eyes and don't reply. You're constantly having to temper your anger and keep up your ruse because if you're too openly hostile, he'll figure it out, and you have literally not a single doubt in your mind that he'll kill you for his mission, which is funny because you've actually adapted a lot of the "don't care I'm an alien" mindset that he wanted Mark to have

Nolan has no idea why you clearly hate him, why you fake smiles, why you stopped spending time with him. He still remembers when you were a toddler and you were running around, skinning your knees all the time and picking yourself up with little sniffles like nothing happened because you just wanted to keep running and exploring and playing SO bad. You used to be so bright. He had such high hopes for you. Honestly he always thought you would potentially outmatch Mark and be his strongest child, but. Here you are, a straight C student, working manual labor jobs, completely average, and refusing to bond with him in any way. He can tell you're keeping some sort of secret from him, but whenever he goes to confront you about it, you're... surprisingly scared, but, not as scared as you should be, in the nuanced ways one would shrink away as a child being scolded by their parent. It's almost like... you're holding some sort of grudge against him

I couldn't decide which version I prefer in terms of Reader finally being exposed. Maybe you don't realize Mark is trailing you and he finds out and tells Nolan behind your back under the mistaken impression you recently got your powers and was training in secret to make it a surprise. Or there's some sort of attack or disaster or accident where you're shot by a robber or they attempt to stab you and it just, dents against your skin. Or even, you start disrespecting Debbie because you're frustrated about being an alien that can't die and she let this man into her bed without truly knowing who or what he was and you're resenting her for it and you make a really awful comment and get in an argument with her and in anger she moves to slap you and fractures her hand against your invulnerable face, or you have to catch her wrist so she doesn't hurt herself and Nolan can tell by your reflexes that you're not fully human

I also just like the idea of. You're 18 and you make it very extremely clear you're moving out and your family is like, REFUSING but they technically can't stop you (although the idea of Omniman going full yandere dad and physically locking you up so his baby girl doesn't leave the nest certainly IS a nice thought) and they notice, instead of packing your things, you're donating them, getting rid of them. The day of your move happens and you're standing there with only a backpack and you haven't told them Any details about where you're going or, just, ANYTHING, and Nolan is looking at you like a big sad hound dog "can't I at least drive you 🥺" and you're like " :) no that's OK, I've got my own ride" AND JUST FLYING AWAY. I just think it'd be extremely relatable and hilarious if you keep up the ruse for so many years and you finally blow your cover because you lose your temper or because you've been hurt emotionally. Nolan tries to ground you, "March upstairs right now young lady!" and you're just like "march?" As you start levitating away just to spite him and he's picking his jaw off the floor. Mark sees you acting out one day "You're just jealous because dad likes spending time with me over you and you don't have any powers" and youre so hurt at seeing your big brother who you've been wanting to protect all this time become a pawn of your father that you just start hovering in the air right then and there, "you can have dad. You can have everything. I'm not even staying on this planet anymore"

I dunno, I kinda like the idea of Reader being this kind of, you know, still kind and all that, but a really almost, inhuman figure in the sense that your specific alien genetics or mutation causes you to kind of snap onto Genius Mode and you become sort of this calculating detached figure who pretends to be human and is openly hateful to your entire family because, as you see it, you're on your own and don't need or want them, you're different than them, your mental abilities are different even from Nolan's, and, meanwhile, said superhero is desperate to find out why his little girl hates her Daddy so much. He's still, you know, got that Viltrum in him, but Debbie and Earth has drawn out more of his humanity and he does love you, he does want you in his life, and it HURTS for you to reject him

But then he finds out about your powers and. Suddenly you're just supposed to magically forget how he started pushing you away too as he wants to bond with you again, teach you, train you. He has no idea he's proving your years of theories right as, he is overjoyed at discovering you have powers, like, you very clearly detect the "oh thank GOD you're not ACTUALLY a lowly human" energy oozing off of him and you realize you were right all along, you really were never more than just an extension of this narcissistic man from his freak species of savages, that he came to Earth with ulterior motives and it's dangerous for you to continue to be around him

You can try to pull away from him all you want, but even if he never found out about your powers, Nolan won't ever let you slip through his fingers. He knows how heartless and cruel this galaxy can be, and, if you're really truly such a fragile little eggshell of a human, then, clearly you need your doting dad looking after you until you're a little old lady passing away of old age while he looks exactly the same as the day you were born. But. That's not what's going to happen because even if that scenario came to pass he would quickly see that you aren't aging. There's no way you can fake that.

I just imagine a Reader who hardens herself into a true soldier and starts planning for the day you kill your father. You lure him out one day into a certain area and you jump him with like Homura vs Walpurgisnacht levels of preparation, hurling all sorts of materials and chemicals and objects at him, testing what works yet nothing does, coming at him with all sorts of different attacks and techniques you've had to teach yourself and pick up on your own, but, he's older than you, FAR older, and much more experienced, and he finally has to do something he hates and punches you in the gut so hard it makes you collapse and start throwing up but, he's just. POSITIVELY EUPHORIC. you just tried to kill your own father at like 17, 18, 20 years old and he's standing here "I KNEW IT, I knew you were special! Did you plan all this? Wow! you even tried to pierce my heart! where did you even get explosives from, did you make these?" Like he's THRILLED at the absolute sheer brutality, like, you just tried to KILL HIM kill him and he's like "Awwww I'm so proud 🥰🥰🥰 my little baby girl is a true viltrumite" and now YOU'RE FUCKED because now he loves you more than ever and, he was lowkey becoming massively depressed at the idea of outliving you, losing you, having to see you die, and now he doesn't have to, so. Now he can have both of his kids for rhe next hundreds and thousands of years 🥰 he has so many things he wants to show and teach you, so, now that he's seen how truly capable you are, it's time to start your training, but also, making up for all that lost bonding time you spent pushing dear old dad away ❤️

#yandere invicible #yandere nolan grayson #yandere x reader #yandere stuff #sinprompts #also. ok. kind of this same concept but. anon was right. this same concept but like miguels daughter realizing hes an imposter #hes scary hot. hes like. kidnap you and force you to be the mother of hia children scary hot

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foxymoxynoona · 3 months

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So...did we ever actually get a drabble with Jungkook getting to hold Kai for the first time after he's born? 🥺 the lil' boy who's made up of him and the woman he's loved for decades 🥺

I got carried away 😅

Story: Amended Characters: Isabella & Jungkook Length: 7,322 CW: Birthing scene with references to cutting cords and placentas and stitches, health complications at birth, stress, fluffy fluff

“There’s evidence of meconium in the amniotic fluid,” were not the first words Jungkook had expected to hear the seconds before his son’s head began to emerge from between the legs of his wife. It was surreal, what he witnessed, it had seemed like an impossible thing –like a cartoon, not something women actually went through. But Isabella was real, really going through this, really clenching her fists against her chest as she curled forward and pushed with everything in her, his tough strong girl who had agreed to go through all of this again so they could do it together. She had known what this was like. He kinda did but, he was learning in the moment, not really.

Watching Isabella go through this pain and being unable to fix it was a guilt second only to knowing the pain he had caused for her when they were younger. Well, he had sort of caused this too… but she had asked him to! Very sexily! How was he supposed to have resisted sex and getting to have a baby with her! No mortal man could resist that.

“Head is out,” the doctor called and Jungkook realized he was both present and not. They had suggested he watch. He would never be able to unsee what he was seeing now, but it was trippy –not just the baby’s head, covered in gooey gunk and some kind of white… cheese looking stuff??-- but this whole image, this whole experience.

“What does that mean, meconium?” he belatedly asked as the nurses encouraged Isabella to wait, not to push, as they quickly wiped off the baby’s face and sucked snarfy sounding stuff out of the nose and mouth. A head of hair he hadn’t expected stuck out at odd angles as the baby’s mouth opened and closed in protest, eyes firmly shut in what looked more like anger as the injustice of this introduction to the world.

Do they look like me? he wondered, feeling like the room had gone still despite the rapid actions of the doctor and nurses.

Isabella yanked him out of it, demanding, “Do you see the baby? How’s it look? Is everything ok?”

“The meconium,” he repeated, not sure someone had answered.

“Don’t worry about that right now,” one of the nurses said. “It may mean nothing, we just want to get Baby really clean to keep it out of their airway.”

“What if it’s–”

Jungkook was interrupted by the doctor calling, “Ok let’s get this baby clear–” The baby’s cry interrupted him, like it was say yeah get a fucking move on here, I’m a head sticking out of a vagina!

Jungkook grabbed Isabella’s hand, wanting to be helpful and involved somehow but feeling absolutely unnecessarily. For most of labor Isabella had not wanted to be touched. It had all moved so much faster than he’d expected. It wasn’t like he could contribute much of anything as Isabella curled forward, face sweaty and red and everything in her clenched as she expelled a tiny human from her body.

“Fuck you’re so hot,” he rushed –not quite what he’d meant to say, but absolute admiration for her loosened the words.

“The fuck?” she laughed. “Doctor this man is harassing me.” Her breath was panted, her words a cheat as she stole a break

Maybe those were the first words their child heard from their mother, if the baby could hear anything over the crying.

“One more push, one more push, you’re almost done!” the nurses chanted and Jungkook saw with amazement that a baby from the hips up had now emerged. He couldn’t process that it was real, that this was really happening, that Isabella had not just grown a big belly and that there really had been a tiny person in there all along. Their tiny person.

“I love you,” he said to her, to the baby, to both of them. “You’re so cool, Isabella.” He had the sudden need to rush out as many good things as he could, so the baby would be born surrounded by words of love and kindness. He assumed Isabella had showered Ezra and Lily with love at their births but he knew their “fathers” had not, not the way he did now for them, not the way he would for this baby.

He had wanted so badly for everything with this baby to be different and now he had contributed basically nothing to Isabella’s labor. She hadn’t wanted the massages or the kisses, she hadn’t found it amusing that he’d driven her to the hospital in his cop car with the siren on, and it had all moved too quickly for him to walk her up or down the hall with their arms linked and his words of devotion carrying her through her contractions.

They’d arrived at the hospital approximately eighteen minutes ago and here she was pushing out the baby.

This wasn’t what he’d planned. He wanted to be better than Landon and Stig.

“I love you, baby, you’re amazing,” he said. Isabella grabbed his hand and squeezed it this time with her push –a short one, replaced with a stunned, open face and a gasp. OUt of the corner of his eye, Jungkook saw the baby suddenly slide down, followed by a rush of fluid and the cheers of the medical staff.

“It’s out!” Isabella cried.

“He’s been screaming, didn’t you hear him Mama?” one of the nurses joked.

“Dad, are you going to cut the cord?”

“A boy,” Jungkook cried over his son’s cries, hands itching to grab him and comfort him. He glanced at Isabella to see if that was ok, that they’d had a boy. She had insisted so many times she didn’t care either way but… but a son, a boy might be like him… would Ezra be ok with a brother…?

Isabella was reaching forward, eyes glassy as she called, “Give him here.”

“One second mama, we want to make sure we got his mouth cleared–”

“Does it look like he aspirated–”

“I see some in the mouth but–”

“Dad, you cutting this cord?” the doctor called, stretching an intestinal-looking thing as a nurse held out a pair of scissors. Jungkook took them in a stupor. He didn’t really want to do this thing, it felt wrong to cut a body party, a piece of Isabella and their baby, but in the moment he was too overwhelmed to remember he’d meant to say no. He’d never forget the way the cutting felt in his hand and quickly thrust the scissors back, attention turning towards the baby who was now being dried and looked over, a stethoscope pressed to his chest as his little legs kicked and his hands reaching for a parent who was already failing him.

Jungkook didn’t realize he’d put his hand on Isabella’s head until she grabbed his wrist, her other arm hanging in the air as she called, “What’s wrong? What’s going on? Jungkook, I can’t see–”

“They’re looking at him and listening to his chest,” Jungkook said. Isabella’s panic made his rise. Was something really wrong?

“Hey, what’s going on?” he demanded, leaving her side and striding over to the rotisserie-chicken-heating looking thing the baby was on now. He didn’t know the doctor who had suddenly appeared from nowhere in all the chaos.

“Hello, I’m Dr. Gardner,” she said, “I’m the pediatric specialist here.” She held her finger up and listened again to the baby’s chest, though he’d stopped screaming. It was more of a gentle, plaintive cry now, as if he was giving up on life–

Or comforted by Jungkook’s sudden near voice.

Jungkook shifted the active part of his brain away from the doctor and to the baby –his baby– who needed him.

“Hey, hey little guy,” he cooed, leaning down and reaching right out to stroke a little chubby cheek. He got goosebumps, saying that to his son, to a real baby that was his. The baby’s head turned, wobbly, as if trying to press against his finger. “It’s ok. It’s ok you’re just born now, and your mama is waiting to hold you close.”

The pediatric doctor was rattling things off –a weight, a height, an APGAR score.

“I hear a slight crackle,” she told the nurse writing things down. “Breathing is slightly elevated but hard to say whether that’ll linger. Let’s check his vocal cords…”

“Excuse me, Dad. You can hold his hand but I need his head,” a nurse said, nudging him out of the way to first slide on a tiny yellow hat and then hold the infant’s head steady. Jungkook felt a jolt of alarm as the doctor suddenly slid a massive camera light clamp tool thing into the tiny little mouth. The baby didn’t seem more upset by this than he already was, didn’t even flail about it, though a nurse held his legs still anyway.

“Wait, what’s going on? Is this really necessary?” Jungkook demanded, worried he was already failing his son. He needed to understand what they were doing before they just did things!

“Koo?” Isabella called. “Someone tell me what’s happening!”

“Hands and feet are still bluish but may be pinking up,” the nurse holding the legs said.

The doctor nodded and removed the tool –which Jungkook saw now was just a light, not even as big as his panic had made him think. The baby screamed louder and he felt a surge of anger that no one was answering their questions.

“Excuse me,” he said, not as politely as he intended, and promptly scooped his baby up right from beneath the doctors. There was so little weight to the body as Jungkook’s hands lifted, his skin warm and oddly dry-feeling but with a softness to it he couldn’t describe. Jungkook didn’t know what he had expected, but not for the this newborn to feel like such a baby. He was only minutes old, how did he feel so real?

Unphased, the doctor touched Jungkook’s arm and cooed at the baby, “Good good. I’m sorry, little sunshine, we just have to make sure you’re ok.”

The baby continued to cry. He was so small! And yet, not quite as small as Jungkook had expected. Sorah had been miniscule, and Amelia just about. This baby felt bigger than Sian and Parker and Sam had been, but maybe he just didn’t remember? Jungkook tucked the baby down into the crook of his arm, nestled against his chest, and took it all back; suddenly the baby felt tiny! Impossibly small! He felt like his arms were too big and awkward despite ample experience holding even very fresh babies. Many times! Not quite as fresh as this one.

He was moving on fumes now as he bounced and hummed and tried to believe this was real.

“It’s ok, you’re ok, shhhh, I’ve got you.”

“Jungkook? What’s going on?”

“We can go to mom,” the doctor said, touching Jungkook’s arm. She had a smile on her face which soothed Jungkook because it had to mean nothing was badly wrong, though he couldn’t quite fight off the resentment that this doctor had already upset his baby and delayed his comfort and not even answered his questions.

He turned away from the chicken-roaster and saw Isabella watching with absolute terror that seemed totally disconnected from the doctor and nurses still working between her legs. She looked completely ignorant of that, her whole attention trained on Jungkook and the baby. Everything right now was so weird.

The baby gave a full body shudder and a nurse suggested, “I’ll get a diaper.”

“Who cares about a diaper,” Jungkook snapped, offended she’d think he was afraid of whatever the baby might produce. He was just born! Jungkook was his dad, he didn’t care, let babies be naked! “A blanket? Please.” It was tacked on. Politeness wasn’t at the front of his mind right now; his baby needed things and what, they were worried about some pee or poop? If that would make him feel better, he could poop all he wanted!

Jungkook’s throat felt thick as he tucked the baby higher, pressing his jaw gently to the hatted top of head as he carried him over to his anxious eomma. It was crazy. It was unbelievable. He was holding the baby and he couldn’t even make sense of that yet because it actually didn’t feel that weird at all, of course he was holding his son, hadn’t he always been holding his son since the dawn of time? Wasn’t this all just a really nice dream?

A nurse held out a blanket but first Jungkook lowered the baby into Isabella’s waiting arms, then took the blanket himself and tucked it around the baby. Isabella’s gasped and immediately pushed the hat off and stoked the hair and chubby little face and papery-thin ears as tears spilled over.

“Oh my god, our baby. Look at him.”

Only then did Jungkook more fully appreciate that he had held his son for the first time. His real living breathing in-the-world son. The baby’s cries quieted to a single final chirp of complaint and then nothing, just peace on his mom’s chest. Jungkook decided the baby had been real a moment ago, there was this haze of unreal around everything until Isabella and the baby were together. Now it was real. Impossible, but real.

“Oh my god,” Isabella said again. “He’s got so much hair!” Jungkook laughed and reached out to stroke the baby’s face again too, leaning close on the bed beside Isabella, ignorant to the bustle around the room. That was just background noise now. All that mattered was that suddenly they had a baby and Isabella was holding their baby.

He felt complete in a way he had not known was missing. Him, Isabella, Ezra, Lily, Gidget, and now this baby to tie them all together, he felt whole. He suddenly desperately wanted everyone here so he could hold everyone at once. His heart would burst.

“Was that you?!” Isabella gasped, looking up at him. The whining noise had come from him, not the baby at all, though it sounded like a baby noise. He tried to explain himself but only a cracked non-word came out and he blinked rapidly against the tears. “Oh my god you’re going to cry,” Isabella giggled. Her face glowed with sweat and effort and joy and Jungkook wasn’t surprised at all the way their son stared adoringly up at it. What a beautiful first view.

“I’m trying not to,” Jungkook admitted and laughed as his eyes threatened to run over. He pressed his face to Isabella’s shoulder and drew a deep shaky breath. The blanket moved against his chin, a little foot cycling. “Hey, are you trying to kick me already?!” The baby was a solid warm lump under the blanket, so warm Jungkook couldn’t believe it as he patted the little butt he’d been shown so many times on the ultrasounds.

“Ok, I’m sorry to interrupt again, we want to draw some blood,” the pediatric doctor said.

“You have to take him?” Isabella asked, shifting as though trying to sit up. The doctor down south told her not to move, so Jungkook slid his arm across her, trying not to notice that there were stitches happening in a place stitches shouldn’t be. How was Isabella not pay any attention at all to that?!

“In a moment, but you keep holding him now. Often that helps a baby improve and wake up, which is what we want to see, he’s still a little sleepy. Right now we’re just going to stick his foot. I will explain while the nurse does that. We noticed meconium in the amniotic fluid right before he was born. Meconium is the baby’s first stool, it’s this blank inky stuff–”

“We have two other children, I remember it,” Isabella interrupted. The joy was gone from her face, she looked so serious at the doctor. Jungkook could read her mind. Spit it out already.

“The concern is whether the baby aspirates the meconium into his lungs. If so, it can make it difficult for him to get the oxygen he needs. The good news is, he looks really good, his color is good, he is responsive and strong. There were no signs of fetal distress during labor and you delivered quickly, but a quick delivery can be hard on a baby too. I do hear a slight crackle in his lungs,” the doctor continued. Jungkook watched the nurse grab their baby’s tiny foot with a needle and resisted the urge to push her away. The baby didn’t seem to notice or care anyway. He was just… existing against Isabella, breathing quickly like he couldn’t quite trust the air of this new world.

“That’s bad,” Isabella said. “Is that why he’s kind of breathing fast? Does he need oxygen or something?”

“It’s not good but we don’t know if it’s bad yet. We’ll run a blood gas to look for low blood acidity, low oxygen or increased carbon dioxide. The most accurate way we can look to see if he’s aspirated is with a laryngoscope, which we’re setting up now.”

“Right now?” Isabella asked with alarm. “He was just born!”

“The last thing we want is your baby not getting the oxygen he needs to do well,” the doctor explained. “If he needs to go on oxygen therapy, better we do that quickly.”

“But…” Isabella trailed off, face distressed, but she was already shifting to hand it over. “You can check quickly?”

“I don’t understand, he’s in danger?” Jungkook tried to catch up.

“We hope not but we want to make sure so we can react quickly. Your baby’s APGAR score was a 5, which means–”

“He needs help,” Isabella said. “Take him, do what he needs! But tell me what’s going on!”

Jungkook felt like he’d done the wrong thing bringing the baby over now. He didn’t know what to do. This wasn’t what he’d planned. He and Isabella were just supposed to snuggle their new baby now; he wasn’t supposed to trail after the doctor carrying his son back to the chicken oven where medical staff had set up several tools next to an incubation bed. Just the sight of that was terrifying and known. It meant something was really wrong.

Jungkook barely held himself together as the baby was braced again and the doctor slid an actual camera this time down the tiny throat. Jungkook wanted to push them all away but was frozen with the terror of it. What did it mean if the baby didn’t have enough oxygen? He didn’t understand in a real way, only that it was bad. What was happening to their baby?

“Faint staining,” the doctor said, looking at a grainy image on the small monitor that meant nothing to Jungkook. He wanted to scream at the awful image of his newborn child with a camera in its mouth. This was wrong, this was a nightmare.

“Very faint though,” she said as she withdrew the tools and set them on a tray for a nurse to carry off. “Let’s recheck APGAR.” Jungkook could only stand there as they ran through a series of questions again –about baby’s skin tone, response to thwacking on the heels, a pulse check, temperature. Jungkook felt like he’d shit himself, he was so anxious, but mindlessly called things over to Isabella before realizing she’d just delivered the placenta. Did he want to see it? No, he told the nurse; how could he care about that when they were listening to his baby’s lungs again? Also, kinda gross…

Suddenly the baby jolted and cried out.

“Ah! Sorry, little one, was that cold?” the doctor grinned and shared a smile with the nurses. She concentrated on listening and nodded, then glanced over her notes as the baby began squirming.

“What’s happening?” Isabella called again. “Someone tell me!”

“Your baby’s APGAR score is improving,” the doctor called back. “That’s good. That’s very good.” She slid her finger along his arm and palm and smiled when little fingers curled around it. “That’s better. That’s better, little one, you’re waking up.”

“Oxygen?” the nurse asked.

“Set up for the chest x ray, let’s do that since I saw the staining but… but these signs are good… come, let’s get baby back to mom for now.”

Jungkook wasn’t thrilled the doctor picked the baby up this time, after the nurses had added a diaper. Something about the diaper seemed wrong, like they were already trying to clean the baby up when he and Isabella just wanted to be with the baby, no diaper needed, just them. He trailed along as the doctor whose name he’d already forgotten returned the baby to Isabella’s chest, offering her a reassuring smile. Isabella looked terrified and Jungkook didn’t know what to do about it. He wasn’t sure his touch would be comforting since it hadn’t been for labor, so he just hovered beside her and watched.

“Good news, mom and dad, baby’s looking a little better. I do see signs of meconium staining on his cords but it’s very, very faint which hopefully means he aspirated very little. The crackle is still in his lungs. This is all very slight but something we want to monitor closely. His heart rate is picking up and his breathing is slowing down, all very good signs. We’ll redo the blood gas in a few hours as well but there’s a balance to strike between making sure he’s supported and not being too aggressive with anything that will tax his little lungs.”

“So what does that mean?” Isabella asked, bless her, because Jungkook didn’t understand a fucking thing.

“It means he is looking better by the minute despite aspirating the meconium so right now I want you to take the time you want to do skin to skin like you are, try to nurse him, just love on him. But we will want to watch him closely for the next few hours and if anything changes, put him on oxygen, so you’re going to see a lot of us until we’re sure he’s all right.”

“Should we do that right now?” Isabella asked. “I don’t want to hold off just for my sake–”

“No no, I promise I would not risk anything. Right now the best thing is for him to be surrounded by you and watched. When you sleep though, we will want to take him to the nursery for close watch, ok?”

“I’m here,” Jungkook reminded. “I can watch him while she sleeps.”

The doctor smiled and agreed, “Yes, absolutely. I will explain the things to watch. But both of you should rely on medical staff while you are here to get the rest you need to take care of him at home. We may have him stay here a couple extra days.”

“In the NICU?” Isabella asked.

“I don’t think he needs NICU as of now, we’ll just keep watching. He is seeming stronger by the minute, we just want to make sure we’re quick to react if that changes. See, he’s rooting, that’s a good sign too.”

Jungkook couldn’t help but feel like she’d tossed a bucket of stress over them. He watched the baby with more anxiety than fascination as Isabella went through the motions of stroking his face and pressing her nipple into his mouth –something that seemed old hand to her after two kids but Jungkook thought was pretty fascinating. The pediatric doctor remained to watch too, a whole party of nurses as well, but Isabella didn’t seem to mind the audience.

“Is it bad?” he asked her quietly, hoping she would know more and could give him an answer.

“I don’t know… he looks so perfect… I think if it was really bad they’d have him on oxygen so they’re just watching…” She looked nervous. Conflicted. He resented that the doctor had interfered with their joy. He felt like worry was making him miss everything.

“Ready to move her to a room?” a nurse at the door called.

Jungkook trailed after them, not sure how he was supposed to fix any of this and angry that they hadn’t had more than a minute to bask in each others presence after birth and terrified that a big hand was going to suddenly reach down and steal his son away before he even got to know him.

The baby had been born shortly after seven o’clock in the morning. It was weird to get messages from family members about delivering the kids to school, about work, wanting to know when they could visit and asking for pictures. Jungkook hadn’t even taken pictures during labor or immediately after the baby was born. Another failure. He tried to make up for it in the room, snapping photos of Isabella exhausted but mooning over the baby, the baby snuggled against her chest, the baby trying to nurse because Isabella said that was fine to photograph.

Eomma and Appa came by right away and couldn’t believe a whole baby had been born in such a short period of time. Soona came too, and Gina. They all fluttered around Isabella and the baby and Jungkook was glad to have something to do, taking pictures, fetching Isabella water and food, reciting the things the doctors had said even though they didn’t make sense to him. He wished he could believe everyone’s assurances that the baby would be fine, but they didn’t know.

Soona went with him for the baby’s x-ray because he insisted, needing to feel like he was doing something for his baby. His sister was a doctor, no one would refuse to answer her questions, and Soona would tell him what they were really saying. It was all so scary. It didn’t matter that the doctors were saying things were improving, there was still that crackle in his lungs, and they decided to start him on antibiotics because he was running a fever, and Jungkook worried worried worried. A newborn baby shouldn’t run even a small fever! He was glad to have his big sister there to ask the right questions.

It was several hours before family left to let Isabella rest before more family would come by later. Jungkook nodded seriously when Eomma told him to be firm if they wanted fewer visitors –that was another thing he could do. But he knew Isabella would want the kids to come by and meet their brother as soon as they were out of school. He hoped the baby would be healthy and strong enough; it wasn’t risky, right? And–

“Jungkook.” He went at her call in an instant, leaning down on the side of the bed. “You’re worried,” she so wisely detected.

“Yeah.”

“But he’s doing ok,” she said.

“Shouldn’t they put him on oxygen just to be sure?” Jungkook asked. He’d made the mistake of looking up on his phone what it meant to aspirate meconium in a quiet moment. Low oxygen at birth could cause all sorts of brain trauma. They might not even see it for months or years. He might seem fine now but then get worse later.

“Koo.”

“Hm?”

“Snuggle down with me.” She shuffled over as best she could in the bed, and he kicked his shoes off before balancing on it with her, not trusting it would hold them both until it did. The baby had fallen asleep on her chest, sound asleep, mouth open, perfectly at peace.

“What if he’s got brain damage?” Jungkook whispered, afraid the baby would hear.

“Then we do whatever he needs,” she said. “But it wasn’t much meconium. It’s light staining. His blood gas wasn’t bad.”

“But–”

“I know,” she murmured. “Everything is so scary. Everything can go wrong and they’re so little and you feel so helpless to do anything. I feel that terror too. But look at him. He’s here, and he’s strong, I can tell.”

Jungkook had to admit the baby did look healthy and peaceful. He looked less blue and more like a little plump puffy baby. He didn’t even seem to be having a hard time breathing right now; his whole chest didn’t convulse like it had off and on all morning.

“Is he breathing?” Jungkook suddenly gasped.

“He’s breathing. I can feel it. He’s just content right now,” Isabella said. “He’s good.”

“He’s good,” Jungkook repeated.

“We have a baby.”

“We have a baby,” Jungkook repeated, then added, “And I only cried a little. There wasn’t time to cry.”

“I know. That was scary but… but it’s quiet now.”

It was. It was so quiet and peaceful. Isabella was a beast and seemed to have come through labor as if it was nothing, which he did not understand.

“How are you feeling?” he asked her, realizing he hadn’t in a few minutes.

“I’m still fine, Koo,” she laughed. “Puffy and sore. They’re going to come tell me to try and pee soon and I’ll probably cry about that. I don’t want to get out of bed.”

“You should rest. You… did a lot.”

“You think?” she giggled.

He stroked her face to get her to look up so he could kiss her and finally his touch seemed welcome. He hadn’t had time to entertain the fear it would be permanent, that space she wanted, but it was gone now anyway, just a figment of labor. He could feel she was sleepy by the low energy of her kiss, warm and soft and lazy.

“It’s so different,” she murmured.

“What is?” he asked. He kissed her forehead, his hand dropping down to rest against the lump of the baby because he needed to be part of this joyful love too. Whatever happened, the baby was loved and wanted and Isabella was right, they would figure out whatever he needed if something did go wrong later on.

“This part,” she answered. “It’s so weird. When Ezra was born, I almost felt bad for Landon because I just had this instant connection with the baby, he was mine and… and I think Landon felt very left out. He didn’t know what to do.”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“You’re amazing, Koo. When he was first born and the doctor had him over there and I didn’t know what was happening but you were there.”

“Doing nothing.”

“Being there. When Lily was born, you know it was just the two of us, me and her, and that felt right too. I would have liked to have a partner there but not Stig. He didn’t belong in that moment with me, meeting my daughter. She was never his. And this time… honestly, I was kind of afraid I would resent you being here.”

“Resent me like… being present at all?”

“I’ve never been someone’s wife. I’ve never had a partner the way you are. Just… people who interfere, Landon, Stig… failures as parents… I was a little afraid the baby would be born and I would just want him in my arms and everyone to go away, even you.”

Jungkook swallowed. It wasn’t like he hadn’t had similar fears but it was terrifying to hear Isabella admit them. She’d fought so hard to protect and raise her children, and he’d never done this before, he fully expected his bumbling might make her defensive.

“But seeing you hold him, it feels the same as if I’m holding him,” she said. “There’s nowhere in the world our kids are safer than with you.”

Relief flooded Jungkook’s body.

“I’m so glad you’re here, Koo. Labor sucks and I couldn’t have done this again without you.”

“You seemed to do just fine,” he mumbled, abashed by her affection.

“I know I didn’t want much touching but… but you were here. And you listened when I said something and you nearly shoved that elderly couple out of the elevator so I could get in–”

“I thought you were going to have the baby in the hall,” he chuckled. “They thought so too, everyone was jumping out of the way.”

“I almost did!”

“It went faster than I thought it would.”

“Me too. My perineum isn’t happy about it.”

“Ah, the tearing…”

“Let’s not talk about it.”

“I’ll still eat there all the same but–”

“Jungkook!”

“We’ll wait until you’re all healed up and then I’ll take care of things,” he assured her, overjoyed by her scandalized glare.

“You just watched a child emerge from my vagina. I would think that’d cool your engines for a while–”

“No way. You’re so cool, Bella.”

“Here, take him.”

“Oh do you need–”

“No, just you hold him now. I bet he won’t even wake up, he’s so out. Maybe he’s going to be a heavy sleeper like you.”

“Is that bad?” he asked.

“Having a baby who sleeps well would be the greatest blessing.” He was barely listening to her because she’d started to drag the baby towards him, the whole little burrito. At the last second Jungkook recalled all the conversation about skin to skin and yanked his shirt over his head and tossed it away.

“What are you doing?”

“Uh… they said that uh, skin to skin with dad is–”

“You’re so cute,” she grinned, and dumped the baby burrito onto his chest. He was so warm Jungkook thought he must still have a fever though the nurse’s said the fever was gone. His hands and feet were now a healthy pink that Jungkook hadn’t even known to hope for.

He adjusted the little one against his chest –who, as Isabella suspected, barely stirred. His face rubbed against Jungkook’s pec and for a second he thought the baby was rooting and would wake up, but he just relaxed and slumbered on.

“What a lucky baby to have two parents with big tits,” Isabella mused.

“I’ll scream if he goes for my nipple.”

“Count on it.”

Jungkook’s laugh trailed off. He was too mesmerized. Dark hair peeked out from beneath the cap, feathery soft over little skin rolls at the back of his neck. He wasn’t swaddled, just draped with a blanket, his little body curled up like he’d probably been inside Isabella. He was so, so new, so fresh. Jungkook knew within weeks, months, years this baby was going to turn into a little person but it was hard to believe right now. Jungkook slid his thumb into the little fist, long papery fingernails barely a scratch against his skin. He had that feeling again he’d had earlier: I am complete, my family is complete. I’ve been waiting for you and now everything is good.

“Maybe we should have let Ezra and Lily skip school so they could come sooner,” Jungkook said. “It feels wrong they haven’t met him yet.”

“They’ll meet him soon and have every day with him. Enjoy the quiet now.”

“That’s true… I just miss them…”

“What are we going to introduce him by?”

“What do you mean?”

“What should we name him, Jungkook,” she snickered, and kissed his shoulder. He kissed the side of her head, briefly again distracted by how amazing she was to have delivered a fucking baby and now just be hanging out talking to him like it was no big deal. She hadn’t even cried. He’d cried from constipated shits before and now she was asking him what they should name this baby she had made?

“We had that list of names.”

“You choose.”

“What?!”

“You pick his name,” she said again. “As long as it’s not something I hate. No Wolf.”

“But you gave birth…”

“And you’re his dad. I got to name our first two.”

Jungkook studied the little face pressed to his chest. He tried to fit a name to this person, but how? Nothing fit. He was a brand new baby, a blank slate. There was no personality yet to tag a name onto, only a little potato with a head of dark hair and a history of scaring the shit out of his parents from the first minute.

But there actually was a name on the list that had seemed familiar to him from the moment he’d written it down. Isabella had not seemed to react any particular way to it, but she hadn’t struck it out, and he’d been almost afraid to point it again in case she didn’t like it. He wasn’t sure where he’d even heard it, it had just lodged in his brain.

“Kai,” he said.

“Kai?” she repeated. “Kai Jeon?”

“It sounds cool, right?” he asked hopefully.

“It sounds like a manga character,” she said, then grinned. “The protagonist. I like it.”

“Really?”

“Ezra, Lily, and Kai. It sounds good together.”

“Yeah, I thought so too!”

“So you’ve thought about this.”

“I just liked the name… OK, and what about Ronin for the middle name? The ronin were samurais who no longer served a master or family, only themselves… kind of like wandering knights… That’s cool, right? Ah, too geeky?”

“Kai Ronin Jeon sounds cool.”

“And it’s kind of like Ezra Ryan and Lily Eleanor… and Kai Ronin… it sounds good, like you said.”

“Yeah.”

“Cool. Hi, Kai. You are going to have a way easier time learning to spell your name than I did so you’re welcome,” Jungkook murmured, patting the little cushy diapered butt. “Kai.” He felt a joy course through him. Yes, the name was right, he felt it in his heart. The baby was right. The family was right. The woman was definitely right.

He wanted to say that, to tell her how much this meant to him, to tell her that he recognized the miracle it had taken for them to be together like this and married and having a baby, and that she had done most of the work. He wanted to tell her he would never take this for granted, that she’d been willing to do it all one more time with him even though the last times had been so hard for her.

What came out was, “Hey I look pretty good for a dad of three, huh?”

“If you weren’t holding him, I would push you off the bed.”

“You look banging as a mom of three–”

“Jungkook–”

“Your tits are…” He trailed off, realizing they were definitely getting bigger. He’d know. He studied them carefully.

“Yeah, I think my milk is coming in faster this time, so he better have an appetite. I can’t believe he’s over nine pounds…”

“Yeah, is that good?”

“It’s big.”

“Is it? I don’t know baby sizes. He seems bigger than my nieces and nephews were.”

“It’s big.”

“He’s strong,” Jungkook decided.

“I think it’s mostly his head. He got your head.”

“Wha? I have a normal sized head.”

“Tell that to my fourteen stitches.”

“Is it really fourteen?!”

“I don’t know, I made that up, I wasn’t listening –he’s awake.”

Jungkook’s gaze snapped immediately down to the little face, to the little dark eyes cracking open. His brow and mouth were scrunched, making him look very grumpy to get woken up.

“Oh hey look at that scowl, he’s definitely yours, Bella–”

“I swear to god, Jungkook.”

“Ah, I think he’s doing that breathing thing again,” Jungkook frowned as the baby began to breathe with his whole chest again. “I’ll give him to you to nurse and get a nurse to check him again.”

“You think we should?” Isabella asked and Jungkook was floored by the question, by the way she looked up at him, by the trust he felt from her. She was the one who’d had babies before! But she was relying on him as the father to help make sure their baby was ok. That Kai was ok.

“Yeah. I’d rather check too much and annoy the nurses than wait too long if he needs oxygen, right? I’m sure he’s fine but I’ll get the nurse.” He felt puffed up with the responsibility of it as he gently eased Kai over to Isabella. Kai let out a cry of complaint, just a little single yowl, and Jungkook’s heart skipped a beat.

“You like me already, huh?”

“Your tits are better,” Isabella teased.

“Definitely not true, sugar butt. I’ll be back.” He said it just to get her huff of annoyance at the saccharine pet name. Good. He loved Isabella grumpy with affection. He loved her needing him and trusting him and pulling him close when it would be so easy for her to push him away in her exhaustion and fear over their baby.

He hadn’t felt like it wasn’t true, but he felt for sure now that they were in this together. Maybe that was partly where the sense of completeness came from, not just from holding Kai and feeling like his family was complete, but this bone-deep proof now that he was Isabella’s –to have, to hold, to rely on– in a way he thought he never could be.

He went off to bother the nurses again, gladly, because there was nothing he wouldn’t do for his wife and kids.

Isabella felt it too: that connection, that worry, that relief, that wholeness.

Kai would be all right, she believed it because she had to, and because he had his daddy to take over when Isabella couldn’t. It didn’t matter if Jungkook didn’t come into this with the parenting history she did. He was Kai’s dad, and he wouldn’t quit until he got it right, until Kai had whatever he needed –just like he had with Ezra, and Lily, and Isabella.

Kai was perfect, just as both her other children had been. She had the most wonderful children in the world, and any of her fears that blending a family would be hard vanished when she held Kai. He belonged here, and Ezra and Lily would feel it too, just like they had with Jungkook even before she did.

Jungkook came back, chatting animatedly with the nurse. He’d been up all night with her once the labor pains started, trailing her like a duckling as she paced the house, timing them because she was impatient and couldn’t remember to do it, bringing her ice water, keeping his distance when she said she needed space, jumping to her side when she needed someone to lean on.

“I think Kai needs a new diaper,” she shared as Jungkook and the nurse reached her. She peeked in the back of the diaper to confirm because these early meconium poops were odorless and easy, but she’d sensed it in the way he had just curled and relaxed. She was right. Maybe some of this baby stuff would come back to her, more easily than she had feared.

Jungkook stretched his arms out, cracking his knuckles, then beamed, “All right, let’s get diaper duty started, huh? We’re going to ease into this, right, Kai? Start me off with some non-threatening stuff, yeah?”

Jungkook’s gasps of horror at the tarry stools a moment later had Isabella suppressing the laughter, her body too sore for this kind of thing.

God, every time she didn’t think she could possibly love Jungkook anymore than she already did, she found she could.

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There are more Amended drabbles on my masterlist or read the main story here

#dad jungkook #stepdad jungkook #jungkook fic #jungkook fanfic #jeon jungkook fluff #jungkook fanart #jeon jungkook x oc #jeon jungkook fanfic #bts fluff #jk x oc #jk fanfic #amended #bts dad au

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metalhealth-willdriveyoumad · 21 days

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To get kinda personal for a sec, I forgot how surreal splitting can get especially for the long ones. The short ones that weren’t caused by something immediately bad/traumatic for us have always been *oh something’s wrong* *blurry blurry blurry* *intensifies by 100* *mental flash of white* *oh hi rockstar #37* and that’s kind of it

But with the long ones, there’s a whole range of things that you either don’t experience or speedrun through when they’re quick so the feeling doesn’t stay with you after the fact. Like, I can just be sitting there and just feel like I have someone else’s facial features. Not like the face attached to my body isn’t mine, but like the nose that is definitely mine and attached to my face is a completely different looking nose, or eyes or whatever.

Or, having fluctuating control of different body parts (which is odd enough with just other frontera because we don’t have full possessive switches all that often). This is still kind of happening. Right now I can move my right hand fine, but it feels kinda syrupy like it’s been asleep and it keeps defaulting to a position like I’m about to play piano. Last night I had almost no control over two fingers, and a little bit ago I just couldn’t do anything while it had what looked like a tic attack (that I know wasn’t one). I wrote half this post so far with just one hand, which is a pain and a half. (I took it off the phone for a second and it started again for a second). The whole process feels like it’s staring with the left now which is fun.

I’ve also spent most of today and the end of last night listening to the same album on loop. It’s something I’ve done completely by myself and it’s an album I would do that with, but it feels way different. I’ve switched to something else by a different artist to maybe help get someone else out so I at least don’t have to do this solo, and I’m actually having jitters (physically shaking) and I can only assume it’s because of that.

Honestly, I don’t even know how long this thing’s been going on. Because a while back, I remember getting a vague feeling of a half-formed someone new here (two someone’s, actually) and getting the kinda spacey feeling, and then they both went away and I haven’t seen them since. But now this is happening and I’m getting flashes of them again, so I get the feeling it turned into a three part split instead of two. Because that would help explain why this is hitting so hard.

The big positive I can find for this at the moment is that it would absolutely explain why I’ve had such a hard time grounding in the innerworld or getting anyone else solidly out front, with or without me. That’s it. That’s the bright side. My thumbs are fighting with me and my head hurts. The headcount getting higher doesn’t bother me, it never really has (perks of not being the original host, I guess), I’m just so tired of the active part of splitting. If someone could just give me a button to make this whole thing go faster, that would be great.

#Jabari #original #long #mental illness #mental health #actually mentally ill #actually did #actuallydid #actuallypolyfragmented #actually polyfrag #It also probably explains how singular and obsessive I was getting last night #Especially since it wasn’t a built like normal #It just took over

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pop-punklouis · 2 years

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Lunch with Louis experience + LONGER SONG DETAILS:

Hiiiii. Okay, I’m sitting at the airport at 5 AM. Just dropped my friend off, so i’m ready to write up the experience and have it queued to post later while i’m sleeping for eternity ✨

My friend and I got there early, and we met up with a few of the fans that i was in a group chat with for the lunch. it ended up being such a wonderful experience, because a few of us just rallied around each other and made it feel like such a safe and encouraging space— especially for fans who were more anxious. One of them won and came from south america and she was the sweetest, but she was incredibly nervous so we tried to support her as best we could to take her nerves away. but the love that radiated from our group was some of the best energy i’ve been around in a fan setting in a long time, and it definitely made the experience even more meaningful and fun.

anyways! when we got in, so much of the staff were louies. the hostess, the photographer, and a few of the waitresses were fans, and one of them had on a really cool louis-inspired cardigan. her and i gushed over each other’s jackets before our group made it upstairs. we all got to sit at tables and order whatever food and drink we wanted, and our group was able to all sit together. i ordered a vodka cran, because i was sweating it friends. i needed the liquid courage because it was setting in that all of this was actually happening. so, we were all sipping on our drinks and holding hands and playing off each other’s energy. i had the privilege to sit in the perfect sight of the back door (a sliver of view in between the banner they put up to cover the lounge that louis and his team were inevitably going to occupy), so i was able to keep a look out and see when he actually arrived. we also had passed this napkin around the entire room with people speculating what he was going to wear, and it was funny because the radio interviewer mentioned it once the show started, and louis thought it was funny and called the room out on it.

so, when it finally started, and he came out from behind the banner… it was surreal because he was just. right there ya know? and he looked great in his tommy hilfiger long-sleeve. he looked so soft and sleepy 🤧 but knowing he was THERE? was a lot to take in. i was surprised with how well Gino (the radio DJ) did with interviewing louis. he asked some great questions that louis was super engaged with, and they recorded it so i’m hoping they post that and the fan Q&A soon. after the interview is when he hopped back to the lounge and we went straight into the listening party which was. pure insanity. from the very moment written all over your face came through the speakers, i got up and took a couple of my friends with me and started dancing. then the rest of our group from the right two tables quickly followed and our group was just dancing and grooving. our reactions together were so fun and warm. i wish the whole room got up, but it was just us unfortunately. being able to experience new louis music with fans who adore louis and are that excited for his upcoming album was incredible. it was an experience and a memory i’ll take with me for a long time (it also helped loosen up all of our nerves which was nice). both krystle and oli were looking over at us from the lounge and had the biggest smiles on their faces ✨ and the station took so many snapshots of us dancing so i’m also hoping they post those soon.

*longer details about the songs*

Written all over your face: a mixture between grunge-rock and pop-punk. the guitars were absolutely insane. such a fast heat, and it hits you immediately from the moment it starts. it has such a sass punk edge to its chorus, and that’s what made me headbang so hard that both of my earrings came out lol. you guys are not ready for this song in particular. she's the main character of this era 1000% pop punk princess! it has a rowdy-rough energy offering a pop-rocks-like sizzle. it’s difficult not to imagine the absolute charge this song will have in a live setting. an anthemic track that rattles about with such an air of confidence both in sound and in vocal tone. for anyone who listens to the maine, this song 1000% feels like it could fit perfectly into their American Candy album era. that’s the best description i can give.

face the music: the heat only grows as we slip into this song. as i said yesterday, this one was heavily influenced by the early pop-punk, alt-rock scenes. it’s a much more condensed and slicker version of written all over your face. while WAOYF is rough and jagged, this song is tighter in production. the bridge is such a shining moment in this song. it has infectious chants that settle into bands such as reliant k, jimmy eat world, all-american rejects, the nothing personal era of all time low, and even english bands such as blur. the “WHOA WHOA WHOAs” that build right before the last chorus had us all absolutely barking and racing around each other to build up energy.

saturdays: from the moment this one came on, we just did a little group huddle and swayed together throughout its runtime. it��s definitely a sadder track. as i mentioned yesterday, it’s one of the best if not the best ballad he’s ever written. it has a very laidback feel. his vocals and harmonies with himself shine bright throughout this song. the bridge of the saturdays has such a soaring quality to it, and i wish i could understand or pay attention to more lyrics throughout the whole listening portion but we were having so much fun just living in the moment of it all. the only one i remember vividly from this one is: “saturdays used to take the pain away” which ends the chorus. it’s melancholic and nostalgic. i think this song transcends its surface meaning once you really get into the meat of it, and it could be about so many things both externally and internally. excited to hear how everyone interprets the song.

all this time: another laidback tune, but it has such a resistive melodic undertaking. fuzzy synths, mellow charm, wavier feel. it has the influence of 2015 tame impala, and it just feels right to listen to it on a night drive, wind whipping through your air, friends in the passenger seats singing along. it has a very ambient, chill wave foundation. definitely one of the tracks louis talked about implemented more dance-like elements to. and it fits perfectly in that indie-electronica arena.

when it comes to the departure from walls, FITF so far feels more deconstructed. it isn’t slick. it isn’t perfectly packaged. the colors are meant to bleed, the scissor lines purposefully jagged, and the lyrics raw. it doesn’t stand out for its polished appeal like walls does. it stands out for being everything opposite— everything red hot and haphazard and gritty. it’s louis musical mind and influences all packed into the four songs we got to listen to, and if this is just a taste of the record…. i cannot imagine what it feels like to listen to in whole.

(gonna try and make the rest of this quick) so! afterwards, we all sat back down and louis came back out and the fan questions began. the DJ had us write down our questions and then give them to him so he could shuffle through and pick some of the best to ask. i wrote mine the night before so i just gave him my sheet of ten questions djfjfkfk but the very moment they sat down to do the Q&A, the DJ goes “okay so the very first question comes from Hope.” and he looked for me, so i stood up and pointed at myself, and they both looked over. then he continues, “and she has to be like an investigative journalist or something because she wrote down a whole list of questions” and i said “i’m a music journalist gino!!!!” which made both of them laugh.

but the moment louis saw me he immediately was like “i LOVE your jacket” and i got so excited i twirled around real fast to show the back and he giggled and said “oh you’re doing a twirl for me.” but the thing about the jacket is that i wasn’t right at the very front of the tables, so there was no way he could see it to even know it was inspired by him/his album. i’m assuming someone from his team had to have walked by while we were dancing or listening to the first interview and saw it (because both matt and oli walked around a little bit during that time), and then told him about it (or maybe he peered out from where the lounge was and saw) because there truly was no way??? which is just 🤧 anyways, when he heard i was a music journalist, he turned his chair and attention straight towards me and raised his eyebrows. he was all like “oh really?? that’s awesome wow hi there” and then gino asked one of my questions (which was “what was the first song you wrote for the new album” and he said it was a great Q and he went into the details but ultimately stated it was probably chicago) but after he answered, he looked intently again at me and said “all the luck with music journalism really hoping for the best for you on that path” (or something like that) with such a wide smile and i wanted to just die on the spot because???? 🥹 i cant remember his exact thoughts with everyone’s questions but they were all really good, so i hope they recorded that part and it gets posted soon.

then for the m&g portion ✨👐🏼 we went up in pairs, so both my friend alex and i went up together (she was my +1), and they were like “okay everyone needs to hurry to keep this rolling” and we both just. ignored them LMFAO and had our individual moments with louis. i went straight in for the hug the moment we locked orbs, and he hugged so tightly. he smelled like cashmere and vanilla, and i think the only reason i smelled a bit of stale cigarette smoke is because my head was in the crook of his neck when we hugged since my arms wrapped around his neck. and for everyone who stated how much of a calming presence he was :( it’s definitely true. i felt so calm even coming up to him. but! i immediately was like “i’m going to try and make this quick, but i have something i need to tell you” and so that’s where in my photos you see him start intensely engaging with me as i’m speaking. basically what i said was: “back in 2020 when walls came out, i was feeling super uninspired and burnt out as a writer. but when i was able to listen and review your album, it helped me fall back in love with writing about music again so i wanted to thank you for creating an album that brought back that purpose for me” and he looked so thoughtful and appreciative. he said: “Oh really? Whoa, that’s— that means so much to me to hear my album helped you find your love for music writing again.” and then i went on to say: “when the review was posted, it got such an overwhelming response for my independent publication that it helped us pay our staff consistently for the first time ever which is still part of the reason we can pay our staff the way we do 3 years later. so wanted to thank you in person for creating music that helped me as a writer and helped one of the last truly independent music sites stay kicking” and he was just. like he truly was 🧿🧿 but with 🥺 and that’s where in my last photo you see him touch his chest and state how much that meant to him, how it moved him, and he was so happy to be told that. then he and alex had a great interaction because she brought him an atlanta football jersey which he went bananas over and he loved it and her. so we just had such a great time ❤️‍🩹 so then i asked if i could hug him while we took our photo and he said “sure love go for it” which 🫶🏼🥲

but then it was over, and we all left and sat on the ground and had a little crying moment together as a community over meeting louis and hugging louis lmao like after-experience processing was a wild time. our group then went to go eat and gush about it all together, and it was just such a loving and unforgettable experience. from him to the fans i became closer with…. i couldn’t have asked for a better day like yesterday was genuinely one of the best if not the best days of my life, and i’m going to try and ride this high for the rest of the year. because so much shit has happened this year that has made things unbearable, but yesterday felt like the universe was giving me a warm but tight hug and i cannot ever thank her enough for the opportunity ✨💕

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natlacentral · 2 days

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Hi Ian, could you tell us a little bit about yourself?

Hey! Yeah, of course. I’m a 22-year-old actor & artist from College Station, Texas. I’m a huge fan of all things art, especially the medium of film & tv. I did martial arts most of my life growing up from the ages of 9-16; it basically consumed my life. I’m a 3rd degree black belt and world champion in Weapons; I still keep up on my training. I love to write all sorts of things from songs to screenplays to journal entries, my day truly isn’t complete without writing. My life is centered around my relationship with Jesus, which is where I find my rest, my strength, and my inspiration.

Congratulations on landing on one of the leading role in “Avatar: The Last Airbender”, how does it feel to be one of the main characters Sokka in this Netflix live-action adaptation?

Thank you so much! It feels amazing to play such a beloved and iconic character in this series. This is my first leading role, so it was a big responsibility, and I grew so much as an actor and a person in general. I loved the animated series growing up, so it was really surreal to be a part of this life action adaptation.

You mentioned that you are a huge fan of the original animated series, what traits have you noticed from that version (or the movie adaptation) of Sokka that you like? How have you thought of continuing those traits in your portrayal of the character?

Yeah, my goal with taking on the role of Sokka was to embody the soul of that character and translate who Sokka really is while bringing in the elements that come with making him a real-life person. He’s the meat and sarcasm guy with the boomerang, but he also has a lot of very complicated emotions coming up inside of him that he’s really never been able to face before. It was a really fun challenge to get to play with all of the layers of who he is. He masks a lot of what he’s going through with his humor which I think is true for a lot of funny people. Getting to find those little correlations from the animated character and connect him to a real, emotional human place was a big task but a very gratifying one to take on.

And is there anything new you have implemented in your interpretaion? If so, what is it?

I think the newness that comes from adapting an animated character is getting to let their human components shine through. Finding their vulnerabilities and how and when they let those show and why. Being human is being vulnerable, so just keeping their core and soul of what makes them who they are and enhancing their humanity.

In the series, Sokka tries to prove his leadership and value even without having special abilities. In the end, he becomes a hero in his own way. Do you somehow resonate with Sokka’s perseverance? Do you think these traits could somehow be an inspiration to you in your real life?

Absolutely, perseverance is a crucial component to anyone becoming truly successful in anything. I had many grueling times in my career before coming onto this show where I was very close to booking the “career defining role” that ended up going to someone else. If I hadn’t learned my love for the art and on my pursuit of the craft, I never would’ve gotten this dream opportunity.

Trained in taekwondo at a young age, did it help you in your working on your role this time?

All movement experience while working on a show with this level of action definitely helps. However, my character doesn’t have a whole lot of technical knowledge when it comes to fighting, so I had to learn how to look like I didn’t know what I was doing when it came to martial arts for Sokka.

The series seems to be very dynamic, and we assume that the performance is very physically demanding. Have you gone through some training before filming? What kind of preparation have you done for the role, both mentally and physically?

They put us through a six week long bootcamp where all four of us got to learn how to bend all four elements which was very fun but didn’t cater to my character because obviously Sokka can’t bend. I took that time to get as physically in shape as I could. On the mental component of prep, I outlined the arc for what Sokka goes through for the first 2 episodes and mapping it out so I could know exactly where I was emotionally and why in any scene. We block shot two episodes at a time, so it was important for me to get as familiar as possible with the material and have anchor points to allow me to get into the head, heart and body of Sokka wherever we found him on his journey.

Could you tell us something interesting happened during the filming? Anything fun that we don’t know from behind the scene?

The way we filmed the Appa scenes were really interesting and weird because the whole bottom half of Appa, including the face, are fully CGI so we would hop on this huge 15 – 20ft animatronic and a crew of like 10 guys would surround the creature and manually pull and push the Appa rig up and down to make it look like we were flying.

For you, what are the most enjoyable things throughout this whole experience?

The family that I’ve made with the cast. The four of us have really become like siblings and have grown up for the past 3 years together. It’s by far been the biggest gift getting to work on this show that I’m really proud of and grateful for.

Now let’s talk about your entrepreneurship. You founded a clothing line, KALÓ SOIL, together with two of your pals. What inspires you to start this brand?

Kaló Soil is a passion project and a creative outlet for me and the guys. It was really great for me to put my hands to another passion of mine during the actors strike. At Kaló we’re all deeply influenced by our faith, so our goal is to glorify God through the art of fashion.

How did you step into the world of repurposing vintage clothes into unique new fashion pieces?

At Kaló Soil we have a large collection of curated vintage, which is how the company started. We were wholesaling vintage and needed a show room to work out of and display the pieces we’ve accumulated. When I joined the company with Ryan Sullivan and Hunter Baker, we integrated our “Made-in-house” products which are our original designs hand sewn and sourced In LA. We still sell curated vintage alongside our own pieces online and in-store.

During the preparation of the physical store, you guys helped a homeless contractor (or maybe an interior designer you would say?) by accommodating him in the upcoming space and let him design the furniture in the store. This is indeed a benevolent act. What encourages you to do so? Could you tell us more about the backstory and about the collaboration?

We met our friend Quinn while moving into our storage space near Skid row in DTLA and hired him to help us source products for the furniture and interior design section of the store. He’s a great guy and we’ve learned a lot from him. He has an amazing eye for the unusual which is something that all of us at Kaló really admire and value.

Are there any future plans for Ian Ousley? Both for his acting career and his fashion entrepreneurship?

The plan right now is to go back for the next two seasons of Avatar: The Last Airbender and pour my heart, soul, sweat and best efforts into the process of serving the project to make it the best it can possibly be. I’m about to start filming another project this summer that I’m very excited to dive into and share with all of you. A huge desire of mine is to direct, so I’m hoping to get my own short film shot before we start filming the show again. However, I’m mostly just trying to stay centered and focused on maintaining my relationship with the arbiter of peace, truth and life. That relationship between Jesus and I, above anything I could do in my career, is my ultimate goal and purpose.

#natla #atla #netflix avatar #avatar the last airbender #netflix atla #avatar netflix #atla netflix #ian ousley #interview #photoshoot #les hommes publics #cap 74024

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charmwasjess · 4 days

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10, 14 and 20 for ask game!

For 10: Is there a fic that got a different response than you were expecting?

All of them?!?! I write mainly in Dooku's Jedi era (pre-prequels? are we still calling it that?) and that was a super tiny part of the fandom back when the movies were actively coming out. It didn't seem possible anyone would care about it now, so having any readers is like... fucking AMAZING! I love each and every one of you DEARLY.

I'll also say, responses to my fics where I'm writing Dooku and Sifo-Dyas together has been interesting. I definitely lost a reader or two, which makes me sad, but I was really surprised and incredibly touched by the much larger positive response to it. Having been a queer person in the closet for a lot of my younger life, writing queer experiences openly is really cool to me.

For 14: If you could see one of your fics adapted into a visual medium, such as comic or film, which fan fic would you pick?

Answered a little bit of this here and here. :D

For 20: What’s a favorite title for a fic you’ve written?

I admit, I really like Milk Run. For those of you who haven't read it, in the fic, a "Milk Run" is a Jedi slang term for an easy lowstakes mission where nothing exciting happens. Dooku is recovering from an injury and so desperate to get out of the Temple that he'll take any mission - so he and Qui-Gon are assigned a classic good ol' Milk Run. Of course, this is wonderful because Dooku knows how to handle the most dangerous missions the galaxy can throw at him, but not how to sit still, and it's fun to write him doing things he's bad at.

It also gave me a thematic chance to explore a topic I love: Jedi working nontraditional Jedi jobs. Jocasta and Sifo-Dyas lives as Jedi who both serve the Order in less traditional "run in with your lightsaber out" roles. Jocasta obviously in the Archives, and Sifo-Dyas currently supervising a group of graduate students at a Jedi archeological dig site.

There's actually a snippet I love where Sifo-Dyas is trying to explain to Dooku that there are other ways to deal with a space pirate queen that kind of hits at the heart of the fic's Milk Run theme:

“She threatens you?” Dooku tried unsuccessfully to keep the outrage out of his voice. He couldn’t possibly follow Sifo-Dyas around for their whole lives finishing his fights for him. Even if he might still want to try.

“Not in a real way. It seemed like almost pageantry to her, or posturing. You know, her crew gets to see her face off with a Jedi, and I get to pull out my lightsaber and wave it around in front of the graduate students, all just good fun…I never thought she’d actually try something.” He scowled. “Especially not with the connivance of the asshole Arnet!

“Sifo…” The words "wave it around" were echoing surreally through Dooku’s head.

“I know, I know. I’m releasing my anger into the Force.”

“No, it wasn’t that…" In his own career as a Jedi, Dooku was occasionally called out to deal with especially troublesome pirates on missions that were more his typical, life-threatening dangerous style, decidedly not milk runs, or research on cultural sites. There was nothing of good fun or lightsaber-waving in the desperate violence of those encounters. “I was just going to say… your life… it is sometimes strange to me.”

“What, just because of the Queen Theo thing?”

“This situation where you and a space pirate recreationally antagonize each other for the entertainment of your subordinates is a fine example of what I mean.” Dooku scoffed. “Come to think of it, perhaps you ought to have slept with her after all. She might have been less inclined to eventually steal from you.”

“Oh, wow, so you know all about pleasing women now.”

Dooku shot him a venomous look. “I get by.”

Sifo-Dyas began to laugh. “I honestly don’t understand why people think you have no sense of humor. You’re completely hilarious.”

#THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ASK!!! :D #I know I was super late answering but it was because I was having too much fun obviously lol #fic stuff #answer #answered asks

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avastrasposts · 10 months

Text

Hello!

So I just realised about 300+ people decided to follow me and, I suppose, read my stories? And 300 is such a small number but to me it's surreal that so many of you want to read what I write!

So I thought I'd introduce myself a little, just to be polite you know, and be like those author blurbs they put on the inside flap of books. So read on if you want to know more about me and my writing, or just keep scrolling if you'd rather I remain a redheaded mystery with a thing for Frankie Morales.

Also, chapter 16 of The Pilot and his Girl will be posted tomorrow, it just needs another round of editing.

Also, again, this got long, so if you can't be bothered reading all my ramblings below the cut, I totally understand. I have a habit of getting wordy....

So, I'm in my 40's and I've been writing for most of my life, starting with embarrassing little short stories in adorable misspelled fashion when I was just wee. I aspired to be a journalist and then went on a completely different tangent career wise, ending up with a PhD in an area I no longer work in (fifteen years of higher education never to be touched again but you definitely want me on your team in a pub quiz!). I have vague memories of writing fan fiction in my early 20, I think? (I'm old, give me a break). But I only got back to it late last year as a way to kick start my imagination and discipline around writing again. I needed a creative outlet and writing is something I always enjoyed and found easy to do.

I live in England, in the amazing but fucking expensive city of London. I look pretty much like my profile picture, only more wrinkles and maybe a bit of silver in all that gingerness. I'm a very good cook and baker (Pedro, I'll teach you how to cook any day!) and I'm married to my very own sweet Latino man. He's not called Frankie but he does call me cariño. I have big chunk of family in Sweden and I speak a little bit of Swedish (it's actually where I am right now, we're over here celebrating midsummer).

I started writing fanfics for The Boys fandom and Karl Urban as I was binging the whole show after finishing season 4. Then I stumbled into the Pedro Pascal fandom as I watched The Last of Us.

TLoU has a very special place in my heart. I've been gaming since my early teens and bought a Playstation 3 after saving for months, my first console after playing on PC for years. When TLoU came out in 2013 I bought and played it straight away and I, like so many others, had an experience playing it. It's the only story, in any medium, that's made me cry after just 10-15 minutes of game play. The scene were Sarah dies, still gets me every time. And the rest of the game...I turned up at work the next week in a daze, just needing to tell people about this incredible story and experience I'd had. It was like no other game I'd ever played, before or since. And I've replayed the game about once a year since 2013. Back then, that kind of game was totally unique, there was nothing like it. Some games had explored stronger story telling elements, but not on this level, nothing came even close to creating such a bond between gamer and characters. Now days we're spoiled by powerful storytelling in video games, in 2013, The Last of Us was totally unique (sorry, I'm blabbering, but I could go on at length about TLoU and the impact it had).

So when I heard there was talks about turning into a tv-series, I was scared. Really worried. The gaming community have seen so many horrendous adaptations of video games, my beloved Assassin's Creed was butchered in 2016. But then I heard Pedro Pascal had been cast as Joel and I was carefully hopeful, and then Bella Ramsey as Ellie and I got really excited. I'd seen them both in Game of Thrones, both of their performances sticking in my mind. I even remember reading about Pedro being cast in GoT and looking him up and being disappointed because he looked nothing like I'd pictured the Red Viper when I read the books. But then he just swanned in and crushed it, he was so damn good, he won me over straight away. I can't imagine anyone else playing Oberyn.

And then of course, the first few trailers of TLoU dropped and we got glimpses of the show and I remember texting my equally TLoU obsessed friend and we squealed in delight at how good it looked! And the first time I heard the clicker sound....I shuddered, it was a very real physical reaction. If I'd been on the actual set and heard it, I think I would've run a mile.

And then, as I was still writing The British Connection, a fic set in The Boys fandom, I watched Triple Frontier, and, like so many others, fell hard for sweet Frankie Morales. So jumping the gun a bit, I decided to write something with him, just a drabble, to get used to writing him and to write in the Reader insert format. But it kind a grew in scope and when I had the idea of sticking him and the rest of the Triple Frontier boys into TLoU universe I knew I had to create something bigger.

Looking back I would've made the story tighter, less lengthy, had I known from the start that's where it was going to go. But part of the fun of fan fiction is posting as you go, I think. I get feedback from you guys and it makes me think of other elements to add to the story. There isn't always a set road map for how a fic is going to develop.

If you've made it this far, congratulations and thank you, I'm impressed you read all that rambling from some stranger on Tumblr! The Pilot and his Girl has a set plan now, I have chapters drawn up and although I'm not sure how many chapters I'm going to end up with, I know where the story is going. You'll find out what's happened to Pope, Will and Benny. And Joel and Tommy will of course come back to the story later on. There will be more trauma and angst as the story continues but there will be a happy ending, of sorts, in the end.

And again, thank you all for reading, commenting and reblogging! I love you all!

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legendfinder · 3 months

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compare daniel mullins games to a christmas carol

This question was sent on October 10th, 2023. I meant to answer it during, yknow, Christmas. Well, you can guess what happened. But no matter! Here we are, exactly 1 month later. Pretend today is Christmas, ok?

One of the reasons why I think I put off answering this for so long is because I felt like I had to somehow match the quality of my earlier answer about Jacob Geller's archival video. Needless to say, I'm not going to do that. I'm too tired for that. I'll keep this short.

Of course, inevitable spoilers for Pony Island & The Hex & Inscryption.

The order I experienced Daniel Mullins' games was Pony Island, then Inscryption, then The Hex, and the feeling of having all those different things melge around in my brain for a while... It made me realize, after the fact, that it felt almost like a self-reflection of sorts. A strange bittersweet intervention, if you may. I felt like I was visited by the ghosts of *my* past, present, and future.

Pony Island was a game I watched Markiplier play years ago. I was still in middle school at the time, and... It left quite an impact on me. Perhaps younger me didn't quite realize how that game specifically left a mark on him, but that game had all the hallmarks of what I'd later internalize into my own personality. I love things that aren't as they seem on the surface; I love when it's possible to break something beyond what it's intended, to give yourself more agency than you should. I love content shifts, both in aesthetic and gameplay. The programming puzzles were just a cherry on top, as I had a big passion especially for block-based programming languages like Scratch. It was a perfect game for me, and probably shaped a good chunk of my ideas going forward. That game is the ghost of my past.

Then came Inscryption, which I only beat a few months ago. It was... Strange, seeing the KamWerks videos, after having created a similar experience myself for the Moon ARG not too long ago. Just like Pony Island, the familiar hallmarks returned; a game going deeper than it advertises, a game that seems to "break", a game that shifts its tone and form several times over. Except this time, it didn't necessarily seem to shape me as much as Pony Island; I played the game specifically because these hallmarks would be there. This type of game *is* what I already was, and I loved it for that. And, er, the robot was also the cherry on top. Just saying. The game is a ghost of my present self.

Before I talk about the Hex, there's something about Inscryption I noticed only because it reminded me of my own creative process. See, the game to me felt like Daniel Mullins wanted to make a card game, went "hm. how many ways can I make a card game?" and just accepted every answer. It was as if he had some sort of bucket labeled CARD GAME IDEAS that he just dropped any sort of shit into, and managed to make a coherent game out of that. That is... Exactly what I do, too. I create categories of buckets and let them gradually fill up over time, stringing them into coherent objects at a later point once it feels fully formed, although by that point it'll also have gathered a whole heck of a lot of extra bits. It isn't necessarily a good or bad thing, but... Y'know. It felt surreal.

Lastly... The Hex. The Hex is a game that wasn't fully on my radar, and I only decided to play it because of its ties to Inscryption (that's important, keep that in mind). Remember those Mullinsisms I mentioned before? Deep games, breaking things, content shifts? This game is that, in full fucking force. This wasn't just one bucket, no no no; This feels like an entire fucking brewery of different ideas. How many things can I make for an RPG? A tactics game? A fighting game? A fucking top-down shooter?? It's absurd how rapidfire this game is. I feel like every single emotion a human can experience is in there somewhere. I'm probably in there somewhere. Well, I am, in a sense.

The one thing that led me to create this connection between Daniel Mullins and a christmas carol (yes, I asked callie to ask me this question, fuck you) was... The ending of The Hex. The very, very, self-indulgent and meta ending of The Hex. The ending that also features Daniel Mullins (or "Lionel Snill", which, come on. That is literally just Daniel Mullins' name distorted) getting strangled by his own game. Consumed by it, literally, but also figuratively. The game, by virtue of this ending, has partly become a commentary on his journey to try and make a suitable follow-up to Pony Island.

I am a very self-indulgent person. Like I said in the last answered ask, I have a google drive of everything I ever made. I hold a lot of what I make up to a weird museum-like pedestal, and because of that I also tend to reference a lot of my earlier works in future ones. Remember those connections between Inscryption and The Hex? It's not enough for the games to be purely standalone experiences, they must also exist in a larger shared universe. Almost everything I made now exists in the Elemental Realm somewhere. A larger shared universe inhabited by self-inserts of varying degrees (there's something to be said about how everything in a story universe is a self-insert in a sense, but that's another post entirely). A place where every single idea I can ever have is crammed into one giant overarching narrative. I assign past ideas to new situations, often on a whim, just to see how they'd feel there.

To best understand my works now, it's better to understand me as a person.

...

One of the main antagonists of the Elemental Realm is a trickster clown with murky ambitions, although the true villain ends up being the author self-insert.

The Elemental Realm will end with a character escaping the universe and confronting the authors directly.

The Hex is the ghost of my future, and I don't know how I feel about that.

==============================================

Oh, did I say I was gonna make this post short? My bad.

There's a few nuances I wish I could hammer out but uhhhh brain fog. I'm making a lot of assumptions about Daniel Mullins' intentions for the sake of narrative; it's not like Lionel is *actually* a 100% Daniel Mullins self-insert, or that Mullins is actually just dumping every idea he has into one game. There are just little details that viscerally remind me of the way I'm personally going about things, and that's mainly what I wanted to make the post about.

Anywho, there's 2 minutes left until christmas is over. Signing off.

#leg answers asks #pony island #the hex #inscryption

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jgroffdaily · 1 year

Text

A long interview with Jonathan at Newsweek by H Alan Scott:

When you're an actor in an M. Night Shyamalan movie, it's easy to start obsessing over the eventual twists that are surely to come. But as Jonathan Groff experienced in Shyamalan's new film Knock at the Cabin (February 3), it's easy to get "lost" in the story. "We're really submitting to his vision and trying to help him achieve exactly what he wants." Groff plays Andrew [incorrect], a father held hostage along with his partner and young daughter by criminals who force them to make an impossible decision to avert the end of the apocalypse. Groff says he understood Andrew "in a primal way" and that this was "the first time I've ever done a horror movie. So it was a real education." For an actor so known for his voice, both in the Frozen franchise (as Kristoff), but also in Broadway musicals like Spring Awakening and Hamilton, the difference between stage and screen is huge. "I've really appreciated my time doing film and television, because it really keeps me on my toes" and that "there is something really freeing about the intimacy of film and TV that I really love."

What about Knock at the Cabin excited you?

Well, Night is one of those filmmakers, there's a handful of them, where I went to go see their films in the theater throughout my life. I distinctly remember the experiences where you really feel the director's eye throughout it and to me, his films, they feel special and they feel specific to him. So he's one of those people that even before reading the script or anything, I always wanted to work with because he's got that very specific point of view. So Night was the first draw. And then when I read the script I was pretty freaked out. It grabbed me in a very primal, visceral way. The choice that's posed in the trailer. The idea of sacrifice and family and home invasion and all of it felt really primal. I had a very visceral reaction to it. My heart was racing. And I had a feeling about the character of Eric, I understood him in a primal way. Then I read the book, Cabin at the End of the World, and that destroyed me. It's such a beautifully written novel. And then Night and I had a Zoom meeting, I made an audition tape, we did a meeting and we had an immediate connection. He lives just outside of Philly, and I'm from Lancaster, Pennsylvania. I've got this dream of converting my dad's horse farm into an artist's retreat. He's trained and raised horses his whole life for a living and I have this dream of taking over the farm. When I was Zooming with Night, he was in a converted horse stable in Pennsylvania four minutes from where my family lives and where I live as well in Pennsylvania. That was totally crazy and surreal and it felt like kismet.

You’ll be like Marina Abramović, with the artist's retreat in the countryside

It's funny, we made this documentary about Spring Awakening, which is a show I did on Broadway 15 years ago, and part of the documentary is the whole cast coming to my family's farm in Pennsylvania. It started in that moment. I grew up playing pretend on the farm and dress-up, I was Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz. A very creative energy there on the farm as a kid. And then bringing my friends there during Spring Awakening, they got really inspired and excited being there. There's a lot of Amish farms and they don't use electricity, there's something creative and something in the air in that area. I want to make it into an artists' retreat because I think it's just an inspiring place to be.

When you're working on an M. Night movie, do you know the twist? If you do, how do you get that out of your head while you're acting?

He's got the whole movie storyboarded, almost like a comic strip. From when we walked in, even from our very first rehearsals, he's got it all planned out. He knows exactly the shots that he's going to do and exactly how he wants to tell the story. So it's kind of easy to get lost inside of his process. Because as the actors, we're really submitting to his vision and trying to help him achieve exactly what he wants because he knows exactly what he wants, and he's incredibly specific. But, for the most part, it's one location, and we shot it pretty much completely in order, which also made it easy mentally to go through. Working with Night, he really seduces you into his world and into his methods, so playing the ending or not playing the ending, I didn't even think about that. I was just trying to play each specific moment. And one of the fun things about this movie in particular, there's seven of us through most of the movie, all together, and he really created an environment in rehearsal, which is also great. We had a couple of weeks of rehearsal before we did it and then on set where we were, all seven of us, passing the ball back and forth and in the movie. You really feel that when you watch it, everybody was fully committed and really playing with each other. So it was really easy to get lost in the story.

With the premise of this film, it feels like every scene would be very intense. How do you maintain that intensity without going crazy?

It's the first time I've ever done a horror movie. So it was a real education. You're at a certain fever pitch the entire time from an acting standpoint. All seven of the actors were there to show up and really commit, no one was phoning it in. No one was thinking of this as like an easy job or something. Everybody was really committed the whole time. And it was really intense and extreme emotions. We would do some of the scenes and just come off set and be like, "Wow, that was really something." We had a real camaraderie between the seven of us and we would laugh a lot on the breaks and just kind of chill and release from the intensity of the experience, and that really helped. We did fun stuff in Philadelphia—like Night's wife, she teaches an exercise like Zumba [but not]. One Saturday, Sunday morning, we all went and did that. So we had a lot of fun that offset the intensity of the scenes. But it was intense.

When you're in a film like this, how do you keep the twist a secret? I'd totally give it away in casual conversation.

In casual conversation I've totally given everything. I'm not great at hiding that stuff but—out of respect for the movie and out of respect for Night and how he really is such a passionate filmmaker and he takes what he does so seriously and it means so much to him—so out of respect of the movie, in interviews, I can be an adult and put on my filter. But in life I'm a little more loose-lipped.

I'm the same way. Don't tell me secrets.

I’m good at keeping secrets when it's important. There's some study I remember reading at some point that even if something is spoiled, if it's well made, it doesn't matter. I believe in this movie enough to think that even if you knew what was going to happen, it would still be an enjoyable experience.

If you could be in any M. Night film, which one would you be in?

Such a good question. I mean, Old and just be on the beach the whole time seems like it would have been really fun. Especially because I know they shot that during COVID. But that's more...

A vacation.

Yeah, yes. I'm glad. Let me think, who I would have wanted to be in one of his movies? I really have no idea.

I would want you to be Bryce Dallas Howard in The Village. I think that would be really fun.

Oh my god, I'm stealing that answer. Yes, I'll take it.

What's harder, Broadway or TV/film?

I’m a creature of habit, and I like to do things over and over again. So for me, artistically, I feel more comfortable and I feel more at ease on the acting meditation of theater, because it's making the same thing every day, fresh and finding something new in the repeated pattern. But the meditation of acting in film and TV, that is more challenging for me and it's less in line with who I am as a person. Every day it's something different. So I've really appreciated my time doing film and television, because it really keeps me on my toes and it really keeps my knife sharp. Because I am more out of my comfort zone doing something different every day and not getting to settle into that repeated thing. Some actors find it way more difficult to do the same thing every day and find it easier to do a different scene every day, but it's the reverse for me. It's sort of like long distance running as opposed to sprinting, I would say theater is like a long distance and film/TV is more like a sprint with scene work. Getting that opportunity to do that scene in one day and then you never get to do it again is daunting, it's exciting, but also daunting because you've got one shot. So it's that kind of adrenaline and that unique opportunity that keeps me coming back to film and TV. I love the intimacy of how if the camera sees it, you feel it, you don't have to project to the last row of the balcony. There is something really freeing about the intimacy of film and TV that I really love as well.

I find theater people often don't like to watch themselves on film. Do you?

I watch everything I do once. Maybe there's a couple things that I've watched more than once, but it doesn't bother me when I watch myself. I do have moments of regret when I watch myself. But I do think theater is more the actor's medium because we tell the story every night over the course of however long the play or musical is. But what I like about watching film and TV back the one time is to know what the story ended up being. Because we don't know when we're in it, the same as with Knock at the Cabin. I mean, most of it is the same but what are the editing choices? What did they cut out? What did they amplify? What is the score? All those elements are such huge parts of the storytelling and it's always really fascinating for me to see what the product is in the end. I really enjoy that part of it. That's unrelated to watching myself, which is always complicated, but ultimately fine. I can get over the mistakes I've made.

When are we going to get another Mindhunter? I need it very badly.

I have no idea. It's all up to David [Fincher]. If he wants to do it, I'm sure all of us would run in and go back and do it immediately. David is such a consummate artist and he packs so much into his work, so it makes sense that it would be something that would be played again and again. I'm excited for his next movie.

#jonathan groff #knock at the cabin #m night shyamalan #knock at the cabin promo #interview

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shipcestuous · 1 year

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I was SURE you had some kind of commentary post on The Banshees of Inisherin, so after watching it for the first time yesterday, I went looking for it to see what you thought about the relationship between the main character and his sister... but it seems I either imagined that post or confused The Banshees with another shippable movie set in Ireland!

Anyway, I really wanted to rec you the movie, in case you haven't seen it yet. It's very... I almost want to say "literary", because while I don't know if it's based on anything, to me watching it felt very like reading one of those novels written in a very literary style where the idiosyncrasies of a small, isolated community take on increasingly surreal, ironic, bittersweet, and eventually tragic tones... but always in a very "matter-of-fact" way, if you get what I mean, and with the quiet shadow of a civil war looming in the background. Very entertaining, if you like that sort of thing.

The story is set in 1923 and revolves around Pádraic, a nice, "salt of the earth" but insecure farmer, and his friend Colm, an ill-tempered aspiring musician and singer. The two meet every afternoon to drink and chat at the pub, until Colm suddenly decides Pádraic is too dull and boring and that it's all his idle chattering that's been keeping him from composing a song truly worth being remembered, and just as suddenly chooses to break off their friendship and never talk to Pádraic again. Pádraic can't wrap his head around this, and his stubborn and increasingly desperate attempts to get things to go back to the way they were will affect not just the both of them, but also many other people in their lives, changing Pádraic himself as a person and spiralling in a dramatic climax.

The only mention of canonical incest is between young and mentally fragile Dominic, another friend of Pádraic who is temporarily forced to rely on his hospitality, and his abusive father, who beats him and sexually harasses him. The whole thing is treated, again, in a very "small community" way: it's clearly not a good thing, but it's an open secret people aren't really supposed to say or do anything about, especially because Dominic's father is a cop. But as you can probably tell, talking about that relationship isn't the point of this ask.

See, Pádraic is generally liked by the people of Inisherin, but the only beings he seems to be actually close to are Dominic, Colm, his beloved donkey Jenny, and his sister Siobhán. Pádraic and Siobhán live together, with all the arguments that might be expected from two adult siblings sharing a house: could Pádraic just stop letting the animals inside, since it's Siobhán who has to clean up after them? Could Siobhán just warn Pádraic before she brings her weird friend home? The fact that they're very different people, with Pádraic being generally satisfied with his life as a farmer in Inisherin and Siobhán being the smart, bookish sister who doesn't really fit in, doesn't help.

However, the two of them genuinely love each other. Siobhán loves Pádraic for his kind nature, and despite being aware that he is indeed kind of dull, she initially attempts to defend him against Colm, whom she tries to talk into being his friend again. Pádraic loves Siobhán for her intelligence as well as her goodness and, even while trying to get her to be more sociable, he can't really imagine anyone genuinely not liking her.

When Siobhán finally has enough, both of her suffocating, monotonous life in Inisherin (where people do in fact consider her weird and unlikable) and of Pádraic increasingly dramatic and deranged feud with Colm, she accepts a job in the mainland despite being warned by others (and knowing herself) that Pádraic will be devastated by her leaving. Which he very much is! But he doesn't stop her. When she has settled into her new house and job, she writes him a letter, telling him about her new experiences but also asking him to move in with her, leaving his animals in Dominic's care and leaving the feud and everything else beyond.

Unfortunately, by that point something terrible has happened... so Pádraic sends back a letter with one harsh truth and a bunch of reassuring lies to make her think little else has changed and that he's okay, then goes right back to what his life has become, with all its bitterness, loneliness, and hatred. You've got to wonder if he will ever tell her what really happened...

One interesting thing is that Pádraic has no love interest, while Dominic is in love with Siobhán and clumsily teases her as he tries to flirt with her, but deep down he knows he doesn't have any chances with her, and when he confesses his feelings, she confirms right away that she could never love him that way.

Hi Anon!

You were not wrong. I did make a post about The Banshees of Inisherin, which can be found here. With some additional discussion in the tag here. I am so sorry that it was difficult (impossible) to find! In related news, I am going to remove the search bar from my sidebar because, for whatever reason, it doesn't work anymore.

For future reference for everyone, I list everything on this page (referred to as the relationships or ships index in sidebars and link lists and things like that, but it only gets updated every few weeks), and googling shipcestuous + the title of what you're looking for usually (not always) works pretty well.

Now that so many people favor mobile and tumblr's default is to present blogs in a dashboard-style, a lot of the sidebar links are almost obsolete and it complicates navigation things.

Anyway, I'm glad you took the time to describe the movie because it was such a beautiful description and you went into detail on things that I didn't or described things a different way so that's so valuable to have on the blog. I'm honestly giddy to have another Padraic/Siobhan shipper on board because I really love these two.

I just want them both to be happy and be together. Is that so much to ask?

#asks #anonymous #padraic and siobhan #r: brosis #nc #the banshees of inisherin #commentary #noiv #nr

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monomonomagines · 2 years

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umm, sorry this is my first time requesting something but could I get drv3 girls (separately pls) watching a horror movie with a s/o who loves horror? thanksss :)

But of course, Anon! I’d be pleased to write this for you especially given that I’m a fan of horror as well which makes this especially fun for me! Rambles aside though I do hope that you have a wonderful day or night wherever you are and thank you for the request!

Kaede

While Kaede was no coward, she couldn’t say she was much of a horror movie fan herself.

As soon as you put the movie on she felt a sense of dread and yet equally felt excited for what was to come given that she rarely watched these sorts of things herself.

She likes to be rather close to you so she enjoys snuggling up under the blankets with you but be prepared for when something catches her off guard.

It’s not often she does get caught up in the movie where it can easily scare her but when it does it hits hard.

She may jolt or yelp which only embarasses her when you’re doing absolutely fine in comparison.

But it is rather cute when she snuggles onto you when she needs to recover from the shock, often opting for clinging onto whatever part of you she can as she waits with bated breath for the next scare.

Kirumi

Kirumi has little experience with horror movies aside from when certain clients of hers would wish for her to watch them together.

However, that’s not to say that she isn’t familiar with the genre at all.

She has a good grasp of the most known movies and may make a few suggestions if she knows what you like based on her past experiences if she didn’t do some research before your planned movie night.

Once you two start the movie however, Kirumi seems more insistent on focusing on making sure your needs are always met. Making sure to provide snacks, pillows, blankets, and whatever else you’d need until you forced her to sit still.

And once you do get her still she barely reacts to anything at all. The whole movie she is entirely stone faced even during the most disturbing parts of the movie.

In fact her minimal reactions may just be the scariest part of that whole experience as opposed to the movie.

Angie

Angie despite not looking like it probably knows a lot of horror movies given how many strange artsy ones exist.

She especially enjoys the surreal psychological horror movies as well as certain types of body horror.

It’s all fun to her if it has a deeper meaning or at least attracts her attention for the moment though there was one issue with that.

For Angie to stay entertained was a challenge and even though she promised to watch a movie with you she’d be moving non stop during the whole thing. Playing footsie, snuggling more onto you, braiding your hair, you name and she does it.

However, strangely enough she wouldn’t miss a single detail even despite this given her true nature.

Angie is rather perceptive so she’d be sure to keep herself focused even if the movie didn’t do it for her everytime you both sat down for movie night.

But even when she is into the movie don’t expect her to react much at any of the scares because like Kirumi, Angie could sit through the whole movie just fine.

Tenko

Tenko may have impressive strength and will power but when it came to horror movies she was a total baby.

Something about ghosts and other incorporeal beings particularly got her bad since she couldn’t hit them in retaliation and even more she was easily scared by most jump scares.

At first, when you start the film she offers for you to hold onto her in case you get scared but by the time you get a decent ways into it she’d be clinging onto you for dear life.

Every jump scare she jumps ten feet in the air dramatically, flourishing each time with a promise to protect you and that she’s just “that ready to jump to the task” but you know what’s really going on.

After so many scares she may just squeeze the air out of you so if you don’t want to get your lungs crushed you may want to take breaks here and there so she can calm down.

Miu

Similar to Tenko, Miu does not do well with horror.

She’d go into a movie with you laughing at how they’re trying “too hard to be scary”.

In fact, Miu would start by calling the movie you picked out “baby shit”, insisting that you need her there so you can watch it since you’re probably too scared to on your own.

This is short lived however as soon as you encounter the first big scare in the movie.

Losing her ego entirely she with teary eyes and voice quivering she’d react terribly to every little thing.

Clinging to you and burying her head into you when it gets to be too much, barely watching the rest of the movie when it all gets to be too much for her.

Yet once the movies over you can bet that she’d brag about how she “wasn’t scared at all” and how you had to be the one to cling onto her since you were, “so scared.”

Tsumugi

Tsumugi may not know a lot of horror movies but she is rather well acquainted with Junji Ito’s works for sure.

That’s why when you ask her to watch a movie with you she’s happy to oblige even if she’s unsure what you’ll surprise her with.

Whatever may come though, she’s rather intrigued by the movie you picked, intently focusing on the movie while she’s snuggled up to you.

However, this comes with the price of her screentalking. Not in an obnoxious way but moreso where she occasionally asks you what you think is going to happen or if someone will really die.

She does get little jumpy even while she’s snuggled up to you. Sometimes letting out a little squeak or the occasional eep when something gets to her but otherwise she’s not too reactionary.

At least she isn’t until the movies over because once it is you can bet that she wants to discuss it in depth with you. Any theories, controversial opinions, ideas for a sequel, etc.

Regardless of if you’d agree or disagree she’d want to hear everything you had to say.

Himiko

When it comes to horror movies, Himiko would try to be brave for you even if she’s a total baby with this stuff.

She knows you love these types of things and since you allow her to share her “magic” with you then there was no way she woudln’t indulge you by watching a movie with you this once.

However, as soon as you hit play she immediately latches onto you shaking like a leaf before a single scary thing could even happen.

Yet even despite being as transparent as ever Himiko would insist that she’s “fine” no matter what you say so you had no choice but to let it go.

At first she would watch what she could with her hands over her eyes, peeking through her fingers to catch a glimpse of whatever flick you put on.

But as you may expect it wouldn’t go well for long. Himiko would react to evey scare poorly, either squealing, cowering, or even hiding herself in you any chance she could get.

She nearly copies Miu, using the good ol’ “cower and hide” tactic during the whole movie, refusing to remove herself until it’s done.

Maki

Maki hasn’t had much time to indulge in things like horror movies with her rough past but she isn’t entirely clueless about them.

Of course when it comes to movies and all she isn’t very phased by gore so any slasher or horror films if you happened to like both would be just fine with her.

Hell, if that sort of stuff made you happy then she’d be glad to sit through a movie here and there with you since she knew she was more than capable of doing so.

By the time you get to put one on for the first time however, Maki does little more than watching the movie with little reactions at all.

That is until it comes to any deaths that may happen. That’s when Maki of all people can’t shut her mouth.

Any and all comments that could ruin the scariness of a death is ruined when her assassins training shows itself.

With comments like “That’s not how decapitation works” or, “a sword couldn’t cut through bone like that” Maki teaches you a lot about herself in a weird roudndabout way.

However, with that comes her accidentally making a lot of movies that even you thought were pretty scary seem a little less realistic once you hear what she has to say.

Yet when you ask her about the film you’ll come to find that even if it seemed like she was nitpicking she genuinely enjoyed herself with you.

#danganronpa #danganronpa imagines #drv3 #danganronpa killing harmony #danganronpa x reader #x reader #kaede akamatsu #kirumi tojo #angie yonaga #tenko chabashira #miu iruma #tsumugi shirogane #himiko yumeno #maki harukawa #ask #mod toko

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joker2019cosplayer · 1 year

Text

The most beautiful day of my life

August 31st, 2021.

Meeting Joaquin Phoenix

I still cannot believe it, to this day, when i write it. But yes, this is... This is the day that i met Joaquin Phoenix. A day that was filled so many emotions that i still have to this day. Connecting to Joaquin and the amazing human being he is, but surely, for Joker, the obsessive therapeutic method of mine, that reflects in way too many details my past experiences. To.the point of almost fainting at the cinema.

This is what i wrote just after meeting him. There is also the picture of both of us 😭🥺❤️ and the link of the video i explain the whole life process, meeting him, roleplay, psychology etc.

________________

I am shaking; I am the happiest person on Earth. Meeting Joaquin.

So Marjo, how was your friday evening?

-How about i had worst days?.

I am flowing those tears of joy and happiness, which is quite different than those sorrow and heavy thoughts i have always had. I keep this moment in a warm place of my heart and mind forever and use this to go forward. I am still in quite a shock, shaking and crying.. Never felt that before, as i am not a huge celebrity groupie, but meeting Joaquin felt so close to home to what i went through, close to JOKER. Sharing this to him is beyond anything i could ever experience doing the therapy with cosplay; sharing this to him really really put a balm on my scars, this materialized what i can experience metaphorically with the cosplay. This is intense yet surreal.

I feel extremely grateful and privileged as i never thought this moment would have been possible first, second i never thought he would be so impacted. Let's just say he saw a broken woman in tears and in shock talking about her past experiences that are a copy paste of the movie, and he was extremely moved but also shocked of what i had to go through. It's almost to the point that my negative past helped me being closer to him.

A character that doesnt exist (but in my mind, metaphorically, he kind of exists as an entity of a sort, but i also, how can i explain, metaphorically again i feel like i always been a bit of Arthur, and metaphorically with JOKER's vibe it is who i aspire to be. And he understood completely what i meant. (Scene in slow motion when he exits the subway)

☝️Great Marjo, but.. How did that happened?❓

DIsappointment Blvd (Beau is Afraid) movie shooting started in Montreal, but i didnt have the time to go. In the last 3 days i went, knowing i couldnt meet him but being close to him was enough to me, and experiencing the movie making. So i sat in a corner, alone, watching, many times being emotional, looking down trying not to cry going through some emotions related to JOKER/my life.

I speak to a security guy there. I try to keep it, but i cannot stop crying. We talk, i share the connexion i have with this film. I am too moved by the experience, talking to myself inside that i should try not to lose it and look so crazy. I received nothing else than empathy and love, though. He said that i couldnt meet him, but writing a letter would be a great idea and that he could give it to him after. So i sat down, wrote the letter, shaking, crying, this being the most awesome thing ever.

I see him going outside, he is with a woman. *I am shaking typing these words*. She is his assistant. They both look at me, she comes at me asking if i need something. First thing i tell myself, is fck i bother them. (I have many mental illnesses, hypervigileance, BPD, complex PTSD, social phobia etc so i am easily scared of bothering etc) I am still crying, trying to vaguely explain what i explained to the security guy.

She is like "Oh...! Okay... Let me see something i will be back".

Trying to not have so much shame i look up and she is coming back, he is looking at me.

I look at the security guy in panic and on disbelief.

Her: Ok come!

Me: Hum, okay heh? Where..

Her: Come! Get up!

We go inside and i get tested for my temperature.(Covid)

Her to the team: Ok guys, her name is Marjolaine, she will meet Joaquin (..)

Me: I'm gonna wha.......

At this very specific moment., i did not dissociated. I think i just died. I felt SO emotional and at the same moment i shutted down completely and i felt i could faint. It was unbelievable to me.

I go outside, security guys are giggling watching Joaquin coming near me, while i was wondering if it was actually him or a robot because it felt so unreal to hear him talking to me and seeing his eyes.

▫️J: Hey how are you?

▫️Me: I had worst days!! You?

*Voice shaking with a lot of emotions

▫️J: Yeah! What's up? What's your name? I saw you earlier and i was wondering if you were okay, i saw you since a couple of days sitting alone, but i was like.. I wont go see her, she will be like.. who the fuck is he.?!?

*Me wondering if he just really said that*

▫️Me talking in a sarcastic way: YEAH OF COURSE WHO ARE YOU i have no idea!!

*we both laugh*

▫️Me: My name is Marjolaine... Hum. *Gets really emotional, taking my time to make sure of what i will say but the tears are flowing."

*He sits next to me, concerned look on his face, wrapping his around me the whole 30 minutes we talked, what made me even more emotional. I felt intense shame at that moment, and i realized how se actually just deeply connected on the energy level. I felt how he knew, understood."

Me:I j..i just... i just really wanted to.,, i really wanted to tell you.... thank you,,? Thank you because.... Without even knowing, you made a movie that literally saved me,,,, Kept me alive. I could thank of course Todd, Scott, Lawrence, the whole team, but the way you,.. *ny voice is choking in tears* the way you showed those emotions, the first film bringing to the fore both the multitude of traumas that life can have inflicted to me... I have so many similarities with the character that I'm almost afraid of it; I know that part of my capsizing emotions come directly from all of this.*Talks about the same abuse and trauma in details i had, the same thing about therapy, thing about being beat up (not as a clown but as a mascott (fireman dog), being bullied and beaten up in high school, the way people judged me, society treated me, how i got treated when i snapped and punched my abusers..* Here in Montreal, I am in poor health and very poor. For therapy there is too long a waiting list in the free services and they cut the services, like Arthur. Here is why, therefore, to cosplay and create so much in connection with this film, frees me. It's therapeutic. It is a safe filter to free me from my emotions. I use the characters as the therapy i do not have. You saved me. *I explain my whole roleplay process etc since the beginning*

▫️Him: *Started crying and speaks with a low voice*

Awwww, this... is is just so so sweet... This is the kindest thing you could tell me, and... what you went through, poooooor baby... *stand up and ask me to stand up* *Hugs me super thigh, for a long hug, while talking low*

Him: This will be okay, i promise.. Thank you so much for sharing this with me... I am very touched, really... I am so sorry you had to go through this, but so amazed by your strenght.. thank you for coming today... I have to.. i have to go back shooting but are you hungry? Did you eat today?

*He asks his assistant 'can i come back? go to restaurant or, no heh no time.. you know where the salad his, avocado.. No ah ok anyways*

He comes back to me 'Hey i hum, yeah i have to go back shooting, but hey hum let's hang out later maybe okay hey hug... take care' he runs. I go back sitting and the security guys are looking at me jawdropping super excited, but i cant talk, trying to process it all.

He comes back after a few minutes, he prepared an avocado sandwich for me, brough a salad, water bottle, Coke can. I'm super shy, i thank him. A guy tell him i have a letter for him, i give it to him and explain that i wasnt expecting to see him so i left my blog adress, and all i explained before. He hugged me thigh and cries, je came back a few times and i tell him in a very respectful way i know how he doesnt like to take pictures, he hates medias etc, that i wanted to get a picture with him but that if he refuses i entirely respects his privacy, he looks at me and says "ah come on, come" i follow him back at the bench, he is still emotional, we can see it on the picture.

He hugs me, tells me he gotta go back to shooting, and thanks me for everything. I give him my letter with the link of my website on it. I go back where i was, everything is too surreal. I talk to the security guys who are way beyond happy for me, and i go home. I go home, listening to JOKER soundtrack, walking at the St-Denis exit that reminds me one of my favorite scenes of the movie, the scene i talked about with him. When he exits the subway.

I think about this day everyday and cry.

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#arthur fleck #joaquin phoenix #artists on tumblr #aesthetic #jokersex #joker #joker2019 #Youtube

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villa-kulla · 1 year

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I ask for a commentary on the LSD scene from Arcadia in Asphalt? I'm just in awe of how you managed to evoke the experience, and I'd like to have a hint of what your secret is!

Goodnight was floating, his mind light and weightless, but his body heavy, alive and aware of everything. He could feel every whisper of the ceiling fan in the hot room, every brush of Billy’s knees against his, tickling the fine hairs there. He laughed into the kiss, a wave of chemical euphoria breaking over his head, spilling crystalline droplets over them both.

Billy smiled, his eyes blown wide and black, skin gold, luminescent in the dim room. Goodnight had to touch. He reached out, hands around Billy’s hips, and thought he could feel every cell in Billy’s body shudder and swirl at the touch. Goodnight slid his hand up Billy’s chest, the sparks following his hand in a trail. He opened his fingers and they scattered in five directions like a firework over Billy’s skin.

“We’re dancing,” he said dreamily, dopamine flooding his brain.

Billy hummed, a symphony of sound ringing in the single note. Goodnight could see the music emanating off Billy’s skin. He leaned forward to press his lips to Billy’s shoulder and see if he could taste the notes.

Ooooh thank you, that was a fun scene to do! I have never in fact taken LSD lol, but knew I wanted a scene of them taking drugs together for the whole ~70s vibe~ of that fic. I'd thought briefly about having them do lines of cocaine off each other which is Sexy, but then felt something a little more hallucinogenic would be more romantic and also fun to play with. Which it WAS!

Anyways, complete commentary below the cut!

PUT A SCENE FROM ONE OF MY FICS IN MY ASK BOX AND I'LL DO THE DVD COMMENTARY <3

I have to believe mentioning a ceiling fan in a muggy hotel room automatically makes a scene sexier. It's the noir-atmosphere of it all. Also, I felt like the vocabulary was important in this scene, and there was a certain amount of 'just keep dropping atmospheric buzzwords' on my part. So in this paragraph we get 'chemical' 'euphoria' and 'crystalline', but now I had to be very conscious of not re-using those ones! Oh and side-note, I try desperately hard not to re-use hyper-specific phrasing from fic-to-fic, as I feel like each individual fic should dictate the language that gets used Looking at you, Aaron Sorkin. That being said, I recently poached 'crystalline' from this fic for another recent fic to describe a sort of surreal sexual experience, but oh well. It's just one word, we'll allow it 😅

key buzzwords: 'luminescent' 'cells' and 'firework'. I wish I could remember my specific thought-process for the imagery I went with in this scene but it felt important to kind of go 'beneath the skin' here and consider the physical makeup of the body, so I could play with how the drugs would affect it.

“We’re dancing,” he said dreamily, dopamine flooding his brain.

I don't know where that Goody-line came from. It's almost a non-sequitur but that's why I love it

oh, now we're going with musical imagery I guess! Again, I don't know what the thought-process was, beyond just having fun combining certain imagery with the body. Side note, I wish I'd said 'vibrating' instead of emanating, because in retrosepct I was picturing Billy through Goody's eyes, physically humming too like a plucked bass string of a piano. Oh well, too late now lol

Billy’s hands slid up his back and oh, Goodnight had never felt anything as good as that touch. He felt it everywhere, spreading out from Billy’s iron-hot hands, diffusing through his skin in a shower of stars. The stars turned liquid and swam through him in warm rivulets, pooling low in his belly.

I think I've used the idea that 'Billy runs hot' in other fics of them, but it's part of my personal Billy-lore. Also I think the fun part of this scene for me was unabashed purple-prose lol. Key buzzword: diffusing.

He nudged Billy onto his back, sliding over him, the ache between his legs expanding in a warm orb, pulsing with every press against Billy’s skin. They rocked together like that, Billy’s hair fanned out on the pillow, hands gripping Goodnight’s back, each finger a pulsing pressure point, vibrating in time with their thrusts.

buzzword = orb. We're just getting extra trippy here. Oh and I guess I used the fingers/vibrating imagery here which is why I didn't before. Also I think I've mentioned before that I seem to have this annoying habit in writing sex scenes where I make them change positions too fast lmao. I think I could have kept them like this for another paragraph, however, as we shall see in the next line....

Billy rolled Goodnight onto his back, the shift happening in stop-motion flashes until Goodnight was looking up at the frame of Billy braced over him. Billy’s hands were tracing his face, his breathing heavy, fingers marvelling through Goodnight’s hair, his eyes, his lips. Goodnight arched into the touch. Warm air from the cracked window floated in around them, blanketing them both, wrapping them tight in a floating phosphorescent sheet.

I 100% stole fingers 'marvelling' through hair from another fic I'm sure. Again, I try not use too many 'ficcy stock phrases', I like the language to be organic, but I think that one stuck with me. But clearly I don't have the same pickiness when it comes to images I like, as sex with the windows open is the gift that keeps giving in my opinion. I've definitely used that....several times in fic lol. key buzzword = phosphorescent

Billy slid into him and Goodnight cried out and arched his back like a harp Billy had pulled a cluster of notes from, fingers drumming over taut, quivering strings. Billy started to move, their skin dragging together warmly.

Oh I did use instrument strings imagery! Lmao haven't read this scene in so long. Anyways, thanks, past me. And I guess I went with harp not piano here, for the parallel to an arched back. Piano or cello wouldn't be as sexy here lol

Goodnight gazed up at him, at Billy’s intent, breathless face, Goodnight’s hands absorbing all his skin, endless beneath his trembling fingers and shifting over him in steady thrusts. He could feel Billy’s heartbeat where they were joined, every molecule of Billy’s body rushing to meet every molecule of Goodnight’s, linking up, fusing together to form cells of a single nucleus.

we're back to the anatomical imagery! After a lot of swishy metaphors, I wanted to focus on the physicality more, as it gets to the end. I don't think any of this is conscious thought while writing it, but it just felt sensible to do

A truck turned around in the parking lot outside, and the high beams poured into the room, lighting it up like a brilliant cavern, chinks of light sliding and glittering and pouring over the walls in a waterfall of sparks.

The truck bit was more to emphasize setting: these guys spend a lot of time in motels and what's more 'motel' than someone's high beams breaking into your room. The happy realization that I could play with the light came seconds after. I think that one's my favourite paragraph , because I feel like that's a universally recognized image, but I got to 'trippy it up' here.

For one infinite moment Billy was pure crystal above him, lit up from the inside out, throwing a dizzying prism of colours out over Goodnight. Goodnight could see the light surging through him, a beam of pure white energy, getting brighter and brighter, burning through the diamond of Billy’s skin. Billy reached out with an auroral hand to stroke Goodnight’s face.

key buzzwords = crystal/prism/diamond/AURORAL <3 I think I'd moved onto a thesaurus at this point lmao, but the second I saw auroral i was like 'dibs'. Also did I really not use 'kaleidescope' anywhere in this scene? I'd have bet MONEY I did but I guess not lol. But yeah, now realizing consciously that most paragraphs have their own unique flavour/imagery, I guess to reflect the changing nature of a drug trip. We have the music paragraphs, the fire ones, the more watery ones, etc...we're clearly in the mineral one here, which I guess was kicked off by calling the room a 'cavern' in the previous paragraph.

And then the prism shattered, the light exploded into a million blinding technicolour beams, and everything went white.

buzzword = technicolour. Had to go at the end! Also I like that we've left their bodies behind entirely here, and are now just in a blinding image. I think anything more specific or grounded here would have ruined it.

Thanks for the ask, I'm very fond of this fic and was just thinking of it recently, so it was nice to go back and analyze it a little! <3

#asks #fontainebleau22 #fic commentary

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