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moonywritez6 · 4 months

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Kinktober Day 9 Lactation (Reupload)

Character: Dad Mammon x Mom Reader

Reader: Fem Reader!

Warnings: NSFW, MDNI, smut, unprotected sex, small breeding kink, whiney Mammon, unprotected sex, harsh language, tit fucking, breast milk, pet names (Mamma, daddy, honey, etc.),

Wc: 3,298

A/n: Hello my sweets! Unfortunately, I got locked out of my old blog account, so I had to make a new one! So, chances of you having seen this before are high as it's on my old account! (I am so sad about it honestly). But I am going through all my old accounts posts and reuploading them here! I hope you can still enjoy my works!

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"Hey, now be gentle, S/n!" You whined, feeling your son's tiny teeth starting to nibble against your sore nipple, his bright and innocent eyes looking right up at you. You smile, letting out a small coo as you playfully boop his nose. "You're so lucky you have your daddy's eyes~ I can never stay mad at you~" You gushed, a giggle escaping when S/n reached one of his grubby little hands towards your finger, carefully gripping the digit between his chubby flesh. Your happy thoughts are stopped when a dark and menacing aura emerges from the other side of the baby. You let your eyes travel over to the pouting face of your loving and childish husband, who rocked back and forth in one of the rocking chairs as he quietly chewed on his thumb.

"What's up with you? You're going to upset the baby." You grumble, giving your husband a slight glare as your son squirms in your arms. Mammon scoffs, turning his head away from you, the pout still evident on his face. "He's hogging you all to himself." He growls. It wasn't like Mammon hated his son.

On the contrary, he absolutely adored the little bundle that was a perfect mix between you and him. When you told him you were pregnant, he felt so much joy that he ran around the entire devildom, bragging to anyone he could while buying all sorts of baby items for boys and girls, not caring what it would be as long as it was healthy. However, there was one thing the avatar of greed failed to consider. Having to share his precious wife is the one thing his greedy mind could never handle.

After hearing his words, you roll your eyes at such a childish reason for your husband's sour mood. "Honestly, Mammon, you're ridiculous!" You huffed before turning your attention back to your son, watching as his eyes slowly started to close, indicating that it was time for a nap. You let out a few small hums, allowing him to finish getting his fill for the day. On the other hand, Mammon stared deeply at your tired expression, the bags under your eyes becoming more noticeable by the day, along with your messy hair and baggy clothes. He didn't mind you not dressing up because it just meant that no other guy would be eyeing you with their lustful gazes. The demon's eyes soon fall on your breasts, having grown immensely since your pregnancy, each mound filled with your precious milk. Mammon recalls a conversation with his brother Beelzebub a few days ago.

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The two watched you from across the living room, feeding your hungry son, who happily latched onto one of your swollen mounds. "I wonder how it tastes…" Beelzebub mumbled without thinking as he stared longingly at your form, a bit of drool leaking from the corner of his mouth, eyes hungrily taking in your exposed flesh. Mammon growled at his brother's words, shooting him a warning glare as he crossed his arms over his chest. "Watch it, Beel! I'll kill you, dammit." Your husband growled, feeling possessive of his human wife. Beelzebub puts a hand up in self-defense, his hungry gaze leaving you to look at his brother. "Sorry, I can't help myself." The avatar of gluttony mumbles his stomach, rumbling loudly, causing your baby to pull away with a loud cry.

Mammon quickly looked your way, his eyes catching the brief glimpse of your exposed nipple. His pupils dilate when he takes in the perked nipple, the tiny bite marks from your son's incoming teeth engraved into the tender skin. To his dismay, you quickly cover up as you try to comfort your son while giving Beelzebub an understanding smile as the demon panics while trying to calm his nephew down. Your husband stood there, bangs falling in his face as he went and licked his lips, a new greedy thought appearing in his selfish mind.

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You let out a small sigh as you exit your son's room, Mammon close behind as he carefully shuts the door. "You look exhausted, mamma~" The demon cooed, wrapping his arms around your waist from behind as he nuzzled into your neck, leaving a few tender kisses. You relax at the feeling, leaning closer into his chest as his hands carefully rub up and down your sides, a content hum leaving your lips. "I am tired. I love my cute little S/n, but he just won't sleep properly, not to mention he's been teething a lot more lately, so I haven't been able to feed him properly." You sigh, tossing your head to the side when you feel Mammon's tongue trail up your neck as he places a few kisses against your jaw.

He lets out a slight hum at your words, raising a brow in curiosity as he looks up at you while resting his chin on your shoulder. "I have noticed the little rascal leaving more bite marks on me, but what do you mean you haven't been able to feed him properly?" His eyes trail down to the top of your low-cut shirt, your cleavage highly exposed as the shirt desperately clings to the flesh. Your husband enjoys the view as he backs his lower half away from you, feeling his pants getting tighter at the sight. You blush slightly while glancing in both directions of the hallway, causing the demon to grow even more curious at what you could say. You motion for him to come closer as you whisper in his ear. "Because of his teeth, it hurts too much when he's feeding, and I haven't had time to buy a pump yet." Your words cause Mammon to frown, not understanding what you meant. Seeing this, you bite your lip as you debate, telling your husband more before letting out a small sigh. "My breasts are full, and it's becoming painful, so I need to buy a pump to get the milk out and give it to S/n in a bottle." You mumbled, ears turning red from embarrassment.

Mammon takes a second to process your words, his eyes going wide once everything clicks before a mischievous smirk tugs at the corners of his lips. "Oh? Is that right?" He teasingly sings, his hands slowly making their way up your torso. You give a silent nod, too embarrassed to say anything else. "My poor wife~" Mammon playfully cries before his hands lightly grope at your swollen breasts, earning a loud gasp from you, your smaller hands shooting up to push him away from the sensitive flesh. "M-Mammon! Stop it!" You hiss, shooting at him with a warning glare, to which he just smiles, his eyes sparkling with mischief. He doesn't budge as he lightly massages your breasts in the hallway, not caring for anyone who could stumble upon his shameless act.

You let out a small moan from your husband's movements before feeling your shirt dampen, causing your eyes to widen as you tried to push him away again. "Come on, if you don't stop, you will ruin my top!" You whined, trying to devise any excuse to escape the embarrassing position. Mammon's fingers came to a quick halt when they pressed against the now wet fabric, his eyes narrowing as he looked over your shoulder, seeing the two soaked spots where each nipple sat. "Y/n…is that what I think it is?" His tone is deep as he whispers into your ear, teeth lightly grazing the skin, sending a shiver throughout your body. He hums at your silence, his fingers teasingly pinching at the leaking buds, making your back arch as your knees give out. Mammon is quick to catch you, his arms wrapping around your waist. He lets out an amused chuckle that slightly echoes throughout the hall.

"Let me help you out mamma~ Your husband has been feeling extra greedy lately~" He cooed before sweeping you up his legs and taking him as fast as they could to your shared bedroom. Once inside, the avatar of greed couldn't keep his hands off you as he sat you on the edge of the bed. "You're such a good mamma, baby~" He moaned as he slowly sucked on one of your clothed breasts, his tongue lightly tasting the milk that had seeped through. You whine at the sudden feeling, bringing a hand to your mouth to muffle your weak moans. Mammon sucks at the spot for a few more seconds before moving to the other, leaving darker wet spots. "Is this helping baby? Does it feel any better?" Your eyes soften at how sweet his tone is as you carefully caress the back of his head, earning a slight hum as he glances up at your lips, still sucking on the soaked fabric.

"I don't like the feeling of the fabric." You confess, cheeks pink as you look into his eyes. He pulls away carefully, standing up from his kneeled position, body now looming over yours. "Raise your hands, baby." You do as told, hissing when he starts pulling the fabric off. He shushes you, giving a small kiss to your forehead before taking a step back, multicolor eyes taking in the sight of your swollen tits, a ball of saliva struggling to get down his throat as he tosses the shirt to the side. He caresses your cheek while lightly trailing his fingers across each mound. "Such a good wife just for me." He growls, loving how you were letting him toy with your chest as he goes and scoots you further onto the bed. Once he thought you were positioned far enough, he quickly pinned you, watching your breasts bounce around.

Before you know it, he hungrily takes one into his mouth while one hand carefully squeezes at the other to relieve himself. You whimper at the sudden feeling as you grip the sheets. Mammon lets out a shaky moan when his mouth fills with the milk from your sensitive bud, his taste buds going insane over the new flavor. 'She was keeping this from me this whole time. What a naughty wife.' He thought, glancing up to see the cute face of his lover, all red, your lips slightly parted as shaky breaths filled his ears. He pulls away with a small pop, his tongue darting to lick at any leaked milk. "So tasty your milk is so fucking good, baby~" He moaned, cheeks flushed while caressing your cheek.

"P-please suck on the other one…" You shyly pant, wanting the painful feeling to go away. Smiling at your request, Mammon hovers over your other mound, his mouth open as he carefully squeezes the flesh with one hand. You watch as the white liquid shoots out onto his tongue, causing your insides to feel warm as you lightly press your legs together. Mammon continues his assault on your tender flesh, unable to get enough of your sweet taste. "Fuck… can't wait to brag to Beel about your sweet tits." He growls against the flesh, his greed showing as he refuses to remove his lips when he feels your hand push at his head. You whine at the feeling of your breasts being toyed with as Mammon tries to suck them dry. "M-Mammon honey, you're doing too much! They're really sensitive." You whined, trying to pull your husband from his greed.

Unfortunately, he was too far gone as he pulled away from your sore nipple, watching the swollen bud glisten with spit, his breathing heavy and eyes clouded with lust. "Hey baby…let me fuck them." He breathes as he pulls his pants and boxers down, revealing his erection dripping with precum. You look up at him in a daze, still trying to recover from the pleasure and relief your poor tits were experiencing all at once. "W-what?" You breathe, trying to prop yourself up with an elbow, only for your husband to push you back down, straddling your torso as he slowly pumps his cock. He looks at you hungrily while licking his lips, giving his stupid grin whenever he knows he will get what he wants no matter what.

"Let me fuck your tits, babe; I wanna see just how swollen they are~" He sings while sliding his cock between your breasts, both hands squeezing the mounds together as he starts moving his hips, tossing his head back in pleasure. A shaky growl escapes his throat, followed by a loud laugh. "Fuck baby, your breasts are suffocating my cock~ Just look at it disappearing~" He moaned, completely taken over by lust as his thrusts started picking up. You whine, eyes watching as his leaking tip pokes out at your face, a line of precum beginning to provide a lubricant between your mounds. "Mm, that's right, mamma keep watching~ open that pretty mouth for me, yeah?" He growls, squeezing at your tits and watching them leak under his hands. "Fuck." He cursed, his eyes trailing to your pretty lips as he watched you slowly stick your tongue out to lick the tip as it poked back at you, earning a slight hiss from the demon. "Don't tease." He scolds a slight pout on his lips before bucking his hips forward, this time more aggressively as he goes and shoves his cock deep into your mouth, causing a small, muffled squeak to leave your lips.

"That's right, baby…fuck so good. You're so fucking sexy." He whined while bringing a hand up to his mouth, licking at the milk, his eyes rolling to the back of his head, thrusts becoming sloppier. You just watched him as his cock slipped in and out of your mouth, your pussy dripping with arousal from this sudden change in your husband's behavior. Usually, he was never this horny in bed, but after having tasted the precious milk, his son had been hogging for the last few months, there was no stopping him. Mammon's chest heaves as he cups both your cheeks, a fucked-out expression on his face. "I'm gonna cum all over your sexy tits, my sexy wife~ So watch me, okay? Otherwise, I'll be so upset~" He whines, pulling his cock from your mouth to give it a few more pumps before biting his lip as his hips buck forward, white strands of semen spraying all over your messy breasts.

Mammon sits there, eyes lidded as he looks down at you, his mind all fuzzy from having reached his release. You look up at him, eyes wide in awe as you take in the beautiful sight before you. "Mammon… you're so handsome." You whisper, unable to take your eyes off your demon husband as his chest rises and falls, mouth parted. He looks down at you, cheeks red and eyes practically hearts. "Hmm?~ I'm handsome, yeah?" He purrs, a hand sliding behind him as he reaches into your pants, his fingers instantly coming in contact with your slick eyes widening. He looked back to make sure he wasn't imagining it due to his fuzzy mind as he went and slipped a finger into your pussy with ease, the wet noises echoing throughout the room.

"Fuck Y/n… you're so wet just from me sucking and fucking your tits? Have I been neglecting my beautiful wife?" He coos, slipping another finger inside, watching your expression change as you squirm under his weight. "N-No, just been so busy with S/n…ah~ that I just haven't had any time for t-this!" You cry, feeling Mammon's fingers curl inside, barely brushing against that spot he knows will drive you crazy. A pout falls on his face as he shakes his head, letting out a few disappointed tuts. "That's not good, baby! Why didn't you tell me I would've taken care of you sooner!" He scolded while pumping his half-hard cock, feeling himself more turned on the longer he stared at your cum covered tits. You whine as you try to arch yourself off the bed to no avail because your husband's weight is still on top of you.

"M-mammon honey, please!" You beg, reaching a hand up to him, watching as he lightly bit a finger, his eyes locked with yours. "I-I want you deep inside me before it's too late!" You cry, tears forming in your eyes due to your desperation. Mammon smirks, quickly changing his position as he spreads your legs apart, watching your slick drip onto the sheets. "So, fucking filthy baby…just how I love you~" He chuckles before quickly slipping his cock into your needy pussy, watching as your back arched while you gripped the sheets, a loud moan leaving your lips. Mammon hums his hips, moving at an inhuman pace as he relishes in the pleasure of your walls squeezing around his aching length. "Fuck! Fuck so good, baby~ Your pussy is amazing!" He cries, his eyes landing back on your tits, watching them leak with each bounce.

"So fucking sexy…just look at them leaking~" He laughs while wrapping an arm around your back, quickly lifting your upper half as he had you sit on his lap, hands grasping your hips so tight they'd leave bruises later. He hums, wrapping his lips around a sensitive mound, body shaking as he lets out multiple whines cock still pounding into your abused hole. "Want all of it… it's all mine, dammit!" The last part came out as a possessive growl as he lightly pulled the bud between his teeth, causing a small scream to leave your lips. "S-such a greedy demon…this is for S/n." You scold lightly, hitting him on the head. Mammon growls as he kisses your lips, his tongue invading every inch of your mouth.

"That's right, I'm your greedy husband~ So. Fucking. Greedy!" He emphasizes the last three words, the feeling of his cock hitting the entrance to your womb each time. A few cries leave your lips as you sloppily kiss his neck, leaving minor bruises wherever possible. Mammon hums, his thrusts getting sloppy as he feels your walls clench around him. "Are you getting close, baby? Are you going to cum for the daddy of your baby?" He growls, his grip tightening as he gets ready to firmly press your hips down. He glances at your breasts, his cock twitching with excitement. "Fuck they bounce so good I just can't get enough!" He whined, leaving a few kisses on your lips, unable to handle anymore as he pushed deep inside you. "M-mammon! I'm gonna cum! Gonna cum from your cock so deep inside me!" You cry, wrapping your arms around his neck. Mammon smiles, loving how you cried out from his cock as he went to whisper in your ear.

"Maybe I should make you pregnant again, huh? Keep your tits nice and full for daddy and the kids~" His words have you cumming, hard eyes rolling far back into your head as he shoots his release deep into your womb, letting out a pathetic whine as he kisses your breasts.

"I'll make you a mama forever~"

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Mammon hummed happily as he rocked back and forth in the chair, his aura pure and blinding as he watched his beautiful wife feed their son. "S/n mamma, is such a wonderful woman, right?" He gushed to the baby, who looked at him with no thoughts behind those innocent eyes. You roll your eyes, a slight blush on your cheeks as you carefully fix your top when your son finishes his fill. "There, there S/n! Don't listen to daddy, he's an idiot!" You scold while patting your son's back, ready for him to burp. Mammon pouts at your words before his eyes land on your breasts; his mind starts to wander into dark territory before your son throwing up catches his ears.

"DON'T WASTE IT!"

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moonlightpetalz6 · 7 months

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Kinktober Day 9 (Lactation)

Character: Dad Mammon x Mom Reader

Reader: Fem Reader!

Warnings: NSFW, MDNI, smut, unprotected sex, small breeding kink, whiney Mammon, unprotected sex, harsh language, tit fucking, breast milk, pet names (Mamma, daddy, honey, etc.),

Wc: 3,298

A/n: I feel like I didn't do this one much justice, but I had fun writing it! I hope you enjoy! I tried to get all the warnings written above! I apologize if I missed any! (S/n = Son's name).

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"I'll make you a mama forever~"

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"DON'T WASTE IT!"

#obey me x reader #obey me shall we date #obey me #obey me smut #obey me x female reader #obey me x y/n #obey me mammon #mammon x reader #mammon avatar of greed #mammon smut #mammon x y/n #fanfic #fanfiction #fem reader #x reader #kinktober 2023 #fanfic smut #smut

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gyqru · 4 months

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god ethan is such a loser bf with his floppy sweaters and curly hair and indie movies and lego sets and grrrrr i just wanna eat him

my godddffff nonnie he’s such a dorky little guy, it hurts how nerdy he is. like i just want to butter him up, preheat my oven to 350 and bake him. he’s such a loser i love it. (besides killing people, ethan is just a silly guy who wears polo shirts)

ethan! is the type to reference or quote movies he's watched, asking if you've seen whatever movie he's referenced—gasping dramatically when you say no, you haven't seen that movie.

ethan! would then force you to watch whatever movie you said you haven't watched, explaining the lore behind every scene and plot; accidentally spoiling it for you at the end.

ethan! who may have a small hoarding problem, fills his room with movie posters, action figures, and props from his favorite movies/shows. in a corner of his shelves, he has a section dedicated to you—every gift you've given him and some things he's stolen from you himself.

ethan! lets you ransack his closet whenever it starts getting cold outside, having the best sweaters for seemingly every occasion.

ethan! listens to "super long old-timey" music (your words, not his) and makes you dance to them in his bedroom, playing bowie, queen, foo fighters, beatles, etc., whenever he gets the aux.

ethan! really doesn't know how to take care of his curly hair, so it gets messy quickly. every morning, he waits for you to finish getting ready so he can let you do his hair for him.

ethan! is the type of guy to call himself spider-man and text you in the middle of the night that he's saving the city and can't come over. (he was at your door moments after sending that message.)

ethan! doesn't care if you suck at building legos and get frustrated easily when you can't figure out how to read the instructions. secretly, he loves watching you get frustrated; he finds it cute how your eyebrows knit together, and you scrunch your nose trying so hard to concentrate.

ethan! who will force you to dress up as random characters from his favorite movies for halloween. he doesn't care how niche the costumes are or if people will know who the two of you are dressed up as.

ALICE TALKS 🐰

some cute little headcannons for dork! ethan. tbh a lot of these are like things i’ve actually experienced myself. my friend is someone who’s super nerdy and acts like this 😭 she listens to alot of old music and stuff (i am the one who calls her music taste “long old timey music” as a joke) so i just referenced some memories ive had with her.

#scream.com ୧ ‧₊˚ ⋅ ☆#gyqru #fanfic #ethan landry #writing #scream 6 #ethan landry x reader #ethan landry x female reader #ethan landry x you #ethan landry x y/n #ethan landry headcannons

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bigfatbimbo · 1 month

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you ask me to talk about any of the vees?

why of course. and yes it’s vox i want to talk about.

okay hear me out here…i hc him as obviously a bottom, a sub, and definitely someone needy for their partner. i want more clingy Vox!! we’re talking quadruple-texting, clinging to your side, asking to shower together purely so he can be with you, always running behind you as you flit around town running errands, etc etc.

but this side of vox obviously translates into the bedroom as well.

picture him, dick or boycunt (both are delicious), just absolutely clinging to you as you fuck the shit out of him.

we know this man has a mommy kink at this point, but just picture how well you could play to his clinginess, edging him breathless and then ruthlessly overstimulating him again and again as he clings to you, unable to form coherent words, only “mommy, please!”

and the aftercare…ohhhh, the aftercare. poor baby wouldn’t even want you to leave to get him a glass of water. you’d have to pry yourself off him just to get what you need to care for him, and even after that he’d cling to you, sleepy and needy, falling asleep atop you like a cat, rendering you unable to move for the next few hours.

anyways yeah, vox. we love him.

warnings — smut, unorganized, actually just a long ass ramble, your going to want to kill yourself by the end, dom reader, use of mommy, NOT PROOFREAD

summery — A terrible ramble because you got bimbo all worked up about clingy subby vox. Also this isn’t a drabble or headcanons, but a secret third thing (a mess.)

I AM IN SUCH A VOX MOOD RIGHT NOW!! Who’s surprised? Anyways, let me jibber jabber about this for the next few messy, unorganized paragraphs.

So I love your idea, and so i’m going to take it and put in into a more canonical in-character little ball. Let me start off with getting Vox to this point and how it would take literally forever.

Because even if he trusts you, he still wouldn’t be overly clingy or submissive. I mean, obviously he’s submissive, but in a harder to break, bratty kind of way.

Well, let’s think about this; what would it take for us to get a clingy, subby Vox? It would take lots of time, and lots of building of, not only trust, but reliance. Say you’ve been dating for a while, he’s obviously subbed before, but still in that entitled power bottom kind of way.

Now, we all know his job is stressful, he’s a CEO and his coworkers aren’t the most relaxed people in the world. He’s stressed out and things go wrong. As per usual, he bitches to you about it.

But here’s where we start to break down his walls. Giving him a back massage while calmly giving him actual advice on the situation. Carefully recommending him ways to solve the problem, while relaxing the tense muscles in his neck.

Thats more than simple trust, like I said before, that establishes a small undertone of reliance. He’s independent, a control freak, but fuck, your ideas were good and now he can finally calm down. Now there’s a newfound trustworthiness that you’ll be there for him when he’s too angry or bugged out to think of a strategy.

Maybe you do little thoughtful things for him too, make his coffee the way he likes it, leaving little sticky notes around the house with sweet things on them. He thinks it dumb, probably laughs in your face about it, until he doesn’t. Because on some days, his fragile ego has taken so many hits that he needs your unconditional support and love.

That’s when we see him get more clingy. Even still, it would only show after specific situations, but it’s there. You are his source of comfort in his hectic, exhausting, businessman life. He wants to be powerful and dominant all the time, that’s a given. But it’s the fact that with you, he doesn’t have to be.

Okay enough character analysis, let’s make this interesting. Quadruple texts are very in-character because of his attention seeking tendencies. He’s texting you all sorts of things, while probably watching you on his cameras. Especially if you’re talking to someone else, then he blows up your phone to take the attention off of them.

Clinging to your side would probably only happen alone, but he would try to be so slick about it. Oh you need to get up and get water? Here, he’ll do it— oh, ouch, oh no! His back hurts. Could you maybe stop what you’re doing and come rub his back until it’s better?

Showering with you is a given. Walking behind you in the city while you’re running errands is interesting, however. Because I don’t think he would walk behind you, that’d make him look like some stupid lapdog. No, no, he’d keep up the pace perfectly, maybe even walk a little faster.

But he’d try to be slick about following you around too. Like, oh, you have errands to run? Well, wait up. Coincidentally something just popped up for him as well.

Okay, everyone shut the fuck up we’re gonna talk about sex now. Because once you get him to trust and depend on you this much, he is so needy all of the time.

I’ve talked about his mommy kink before, but this shines a new light on it. We know he’s desperate for validation, attention, and overall someone to stroke his ego, making him the perfect candidate for a praise kink. However, this paired with the fact that he’s not surrounded by the most supportive people in the world, and he’s normally stressed out of his mind and dying to be taken care off but too prideful to do anything about it mommy kink city.

And because, as we’ve established, he trusts and relies on you so much, making him super clingy, also gives him that extra ingredient to fuel his mommy kink. He wants you to take care of him and make him feel loved (fantastic when degrading him because it makes it all 100x more effective.)

So I actually think him being super clingy and needy, with zero to no reciprocation let’s be real, would for very well with this.

Imagine pegging him, as Vox sits in your lap, arms slinked tightly around your neck as his nails dig into your back while you fuck him rough. He’s came several times already and the cities power is long gone, but he thinks he’d genuinely die if you stopped.

His screaming out for you, clawing at your back while shouting anything he can think of. ‘Mommy— mzzz—more!’ ‘Don’t stop, ‘ve been so good.’ ‘Fuck, call me your g—gzzz—good boy.’

Too much praise and too much degradation both make him sob his eyes out and lowkey fucks with his wiring. If he’s getting strapped up good enough he’d probably electrocute you, all while moaning and whining for his mommy.

Sub-top Vox with a mommy kink also does something to be, ask me about it, I dare you.

And he’d be the cutest during aftercare. Still coming out of subspace, hiding his screen in your chest while you rub his back softly, wincing when you get too close to his neck where all the bite marks are.

But he’d be totally collapsed on top of you after you clean him off a little, and because of his sleepiness he’d probably still call you mommy.

a/n — this was lowkey my good night post because i’m too tired to do anything else. Looking forward to reading your Vees requests though, and writing hate sex Lute!

#hazbin hotel x reader #inbox open #hazbin hotel x you #hazbin hotel smut #dom reader #vox x reader #sub vox #vox x you #vox smut

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animentality · 4 months

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Wishing Gortash hadn’t massacred a room full of people couldn’t be me because the environmental storytelling of it is SO GOOD. You leave the great big coronation hall packed and lively, everyone cheering for their new archduke. You get back out into the city, track down Orin, get your hands on her netherstone. You return to the coronation hall, the room loads in, and wham. The entire hall strewn with blood and corpses. Dead silent. Cultists in full Banite regalia milling around openly, unconcerned. You realise that not a single one of those nobles left the hall after the coronation, after you did, because every single one is lying slaughtered where they were. And it is very very obvious that this is the work of the new archduke who you allied yourself with. For me, it was a moment of oh god, this guy is serious.

And like. You can find TONS and tons and tons of damning evidence for how horrible and corrupt and evil Gortash is all over the city, there is not a single corner of it untouched by him in some way. You have the families of an enslaved labour force imprisoned and tortured. You have that same enslaved labour force dressed up in shock collars! You have a scheme to distribute teddy bears stuffed with explosives, targeting refugee children, just for the sake of instilling more and more fear in the public. And you do get to understand pretty well that these things are all being done not by someone who just delights in violence and chaos the way Orin does, but as the utterly dispassionate, pragmatic ventures of a guy who genuinely does not see people as people (and rather as objects, tools, currency - shapes that might walk and talk but ultimately mean nothing).

But for me personally, even on top of ALL of that, no display of Gortash’s villainy made more of an impact than walking into that room as his ally.

Not because I give a shit about any of the actual nobles themselves, or think it’s technically worse than say giving explosive toys to refugee children, etc. But the slaughter of the patriars has such an impact for me because it’s not talked about. You can’t find a million clues about it or stop it from happening. Talk to any of the Banite guards and they simply tell you point blank what happened. It’s not abstract. It’s not preventable. It happens, and it’s a cold whack in the face for the unwitting player who may have earnestly allied with him. It’s the game saying “this is your ally, by the way, in case you weren’t aware. Even if you foiled his other little plots - found the undetonated teddy bears, freed the Gondians, etc - don’t think that was enough, because this is who he is.”

(And because we don’t SEE it happen, just the aftermath? You get to wonder. Did Gortash step out before this happened? Or did he stand back and watch? Did he find it messy, or did he smile as he watched his steel watchers rip people in half? Did it make him feel powerful? We can probably guess the answers to these questions.)

Anyway Gortash is SUCH a good character and I love him. And if Durge had all their faculties walking into that room and seeing all the murdered people would have brought a tear to their eye, they’d be so proud of him lol

OOOOOooooh absolutely brutally accurate description of Gortash, and YES.

That is the beauty of Gortash's evil. His pragmatism.

The way he tries to pretend he's different than you and Orin, but you can call him out, and say, you're just as bad as us.

And I would LOVE to know if he was there when he killed the patriars too.

He acts like he's so "above it all." Like he's not a Bhaalspawn, killing for pleasure...but sweetie, you are not any different just because you have a Steel Watcher crush a child rather than dissect one.

The people you try to save when you're at the Steel Watch Foundry? Those poor old people and children and families?

All of them are pretty fucking brutal. The Steel Watch are fucking awful. They're not benign robots. They are cruel and cold and emotionless, and they aren't there to protect, only subjugate.

And they're a lot like Gortash himself.

Frigid, with a black and white understanding of right and wrong, only it's flipped, and submitting to authority is the only "right" and any resistance is "wrong" and needs to be destroyed.

And just to go back to him believing he's so "above" the Chosens of Bhaal, or even everyone in general...even with Karlach, when she's enraged, and hurt, over being sold and enslaved, he says, well it was for your own good, my dear girl, let bygones be bygones - stop lying, Gort!

stop pretending you're so above everyone else, that you're this calm, logical man, whose endeavors are heroic, even noble.

They aren't.

You're getting back at a world that abandoned you.

Your entire life revolves around revenge, sadism, and wanton cruelty.

You are not saving anyone. You are dooming those who made you this way.

And that's why I like him.

He is just so...kickable. And evil.

And disgusting.

And I adore him.

He is built wrong, and I like it.

#enver gortash #its about cycles maaaaan #baldurs gate 3 #bg3

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carnivalcarriondiscarded · 6 months

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helloooo have a messy scribble page of oc concepts. unfortunately, im in love and will now proceed to ramble At Length

but before that! rudimentary height chart!

all i know rn is Mairy - the cow - is about the same height as Howdy/Barnaby/Poppy (around 8ft), Hettie & Daisy are in the Wally/Julie/Sally category (around 3ft), and Jesterly is more Frank/Eddie (around 4ft). Derry Drake is fuckoff huge, and Casey is... idk really. tall but not That tall

so. rambles. i... have those, yeah

Mairy Love - she/her - lesbian a gorgeous white/blue cow! originally she was gonna be pink/white, but blue/white is my favorite color combo and honestly? it's dairy colors to me. she's big! she's strong! she's very gentle and sweet but also takes shit from no one, even though she doesn't like confrontation much (unless its playful roughhousing! jokes fly completely over her head! i'm thinking she tends to a lovely orchard of various fruit trees, and probably cultivates some crops for fun as well. maybe seasonal ones? pumpkins for the spooky season, fir trees for those snowy days, etc.

Casey J. Mittens - he/him - aro this orange fella is scaredy cat central! unfortunately for him, he's also curious to a fault! curiosity killed the cat, and he fears the day that rings true for him! he'd rather curl up at home or in a cozy tree, crocheting something cute from one of his many balls of yarn than do anything else. he tries to be a voice of reason, but is too easily convinced otherwise. he's that friend who says "we shouldn't be doing this" as he wholeheartedly assists in the shenanigan in question.

Hettie (currently undecided) - she/her - bi true to her honeybee heritage, Hettie is a florist! she boasts an impressive array of flowers that she tends to like her life depends on it. she's always running around to make sure they're all getting the best care - and she's always checking in on her pals to make sure they're taken care of, too. she's a busy bee who wouldn't know a day's rest if it stung her on the ass! It takes a lot to make her mad, but everybody better watch out when her wings start buzzing

Daisy Hop - she/him - pan i actually created Daisy as a supplementary character for a certain au, but realized i could find a place for her in this little group. i'm thinking he runs a little shop - a roadside stall, more like - where she can both sell her own homemade candy & his friends' stuff! she's the only one in the group that can keep up with Hettie's energy, and even surpass it at times. though unlike Hettie, Daisy knows how to take (and appreciate) a break!

Jesterly - whatever/is/funniest - Derry a menace. they love pranks above all else, oftentimes at the expense of others. he's always up to something and is never not scheming something! there's always Someone to bother! in all honesty she's more like an annoying stray cat that no one can get rid of... and they better not try, or they'll face the wrath of this fool's Very large partner! The jester's cap never comes off, and neither does the mask!

Derry Drake - they/them - Jesterly there's no sugarcoating it - Derry is a big lazy grump! it's almost impossible to get them out of their cave, or off of any place they decide to nap. the only thing that can reliably get them moving is the promise - or prospect - of food. it's a wonder how they've accumulated such a hoard of random things in the back of their cave, seeing as they rarely get up at all. they're incredibly nearsighted and bite first, ask questions later - after all, who knows if the colorful blob in front of them is food or not! better to be safe than hungry!

currently in my mind they have their own little community deep in the woods. Daisy lives in a modified burrow, Maisy has a cute farmhouse, Casey lives in a cozy treehouse, Hettie has a small cottage, and Derry & Jesterly live in a cave. within their community, they share practically everything. want a snack? pluck something from the orchard. need a new pair of mittens? ask Casey! i suppose you could say they're communists <3 (except for Daisy. she won't charge his friends, but anyone else is free game)

Mairy and Hettie have romantic tension, Daisy and Derry are the only ones who can tolerate Jes, Mairy wants Jes dead, Casey is terrified of Derry, Daisy's rapid-fire speech confuses everyone but Hettie, etc. i should make a chart for funsies...

#if i want to get realllly out of my comfort zone #i could talk about how my brain automatically started going 'ok this is how they interact with The Neighbors'#but i think. ill save that for now #listen listen for my whole life ive always kept my fan-ocs expressly separate from canon characters #i either put them far away from the action or in a different point in time entirely #but i can. i can have fun? with this maybe? its just a silly side thing... im playing with dolls...#i have Thoughts...#scribble salad #wh oc #welcome home oc #mairy will sometimes crush Difficult To Crush things to intimidate choice people #she's intimidating and she knows it! she'd rather be nice but sometimes a bitch has to get smacked #mairy: im a pacifist #mairy: *loading shotgun* however-#derry often steals casey's yarn for their own hoard #so casey has to go steal it back (or ask for it. either way derry makes a fuss)#I LOVE THEM. FUCK #i dont need any more ocs please... i already have several hundred...

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tumblingxelian · 1 year

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Thoughts on Stephanie Brown, Crime & Community

A lot of the posts I’ve been reading lately about Bruce’s brutality towards low level criminals and whether Jason betraying his own community or not, the double standards and meta analysis has all been very interesting.

And it has also left me musing on Stephanie Brown’s character.

Specifically how she operates in a really fascinating position that was likely not intended by the writers but one can reach anyway.

So a quick primer:

Stephanie Brown came up in a low income (at best) family in Gotham. Her father was consistently in and out of prison only briefly holding down a steady job and when he was home he was violent towards both Stephanie and her mother.

Crystal was neglectful and a substance abusing addict until Stephanie was about 15 and even then their relationship was quite messy with Stephanie still forced into a parental role.

(She also escaped sexual assault as a child and was clearly traumatized by the event and given her ‘boyfriend’ who got her pregnant looed significantly older than her one could argue she was a victim of grooming.)

Her first team up with Batgirl (long before she receives any training) Shows she has an intimate and immediate understanding of criminal operations that can only come from either self study or experience. One of her earlier team ups with Robin & the then Green Arrow (Investigating gun runners selling to kids) had her note she felt her community was neglected by the heroes. Her first team up with Batgirl also had them basically steal money that would have gone to evidence to donate it to charity and she also reveal hinted at different times a dislike or lack of faith in the police.

Now, not everything was hunky dory, as there were some writers who basically decided her motive was “Impress Robin”. Fortunately this only cropped up every now and again and she’d often try and seek out team ups and mentors elsewhere. And given it doesn’t line up well with her initial character I am content to view it as an artifact of the writer.

But I digress, how does this go into her relationship with her community and criminals in general?

Well, suffice to say her relationship with them is bad.

Her first time out as Spoiler she tries to murder her father and has to be talked down by Batman. She later reveals to Crystal she was doing this to protect her because she was tired of seeing Arthur come back and ruin their lives over and over again. She also used visitation rights when he was in prison to beat the hell out of him because he orchestrated her kidnapping and near missed murder for money, while the guards just let it happen.

In one of her first team ups with Robin they fight criminals in a snow covered building and his cutting of support beams leads them all to be buries. Robin insists on finding him and saving him, while Stephanie suggests leaving him to die, dismissing his motives along the lines of, “I was poor, daddy never loved me, ETC.” She only agreed trying to save him was a good idea when they accidently found a homeless woman and her child also buried.

later on she also didn’t want to save a villain who managed to kidnap both herself and Robin. We also see her shrug off the prospect of accidentally killing a serial killer she was in combat with. She also has a violent exchange with Penguin after he started using children as gun runners which hinted at wanting to wipe people like him off the map. When he was dismissive of even facing charges because “I've got people for that” she legit scared and injured him and Batgirl needed to stop her from going further.

(She also shrugged off Dick killing Joker while everyone else was freaking out but like, come on. Joker fills literal graveyards in universe and had been terrorizing the world minutes before, he’s not a ‘normal criminals’ by any stretch.)

Overall, her relationship to criminals in general was varying degree of contemptuous and she was quite comfortable with the prospect of doling out lethal punishment to criminals, though she never got the on screen opportunity. I think her general attitude is best summed up as “yes trauma sucks but its no excuse to take it out on your community” while holding those who profit off those circumstances in utter contempt. IE, she disdains petty criminals for victimizing their fellows and she hates the kingpins who run everything.

(Though I doubt this was intended by the writers.)

But I digress, I’m not expert enough to say whether this is a realistic or positive response to her circumstances, but I do find it an interesting one. I also think its a lot more nuanced than Batman’s brutality even if one could argue its problematic. Though that also broached the “Are we discussing in universe or out of universe” and so on. Really not sure where I was going with this. I maybe just wanted the chance to discuss Stephanie cos I think she’s really interesting.

So uh, yeah.

#Batman #Batfam #DC #detective comics #DC Comics #The Spoiler #Stephanie Brown

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reblogs-and-writings · 8 days

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Inspired by @chaifootsteps

Everyone's sending in their Hazbin character rewrites, and that looked fun so I want to toss my own hat into the ring. Sorry for the long post. What really bothers me most about Hazin Hotel is that it claims to be a show about redemption, but it seems to be a show about lack of consequence. The reasons why the characters are in hell are never really explained. There are things you can infer about certain people: Alastor's murder, Husk's gambling, Angel's drug use, etc. However, the show never explains why those behaviors are wrong and how they can improve. More often than not, those behaviors are used as jokes. It's funny to have a cannibal town. Angel Dust's name is a pun on the drug that killed him. It's just tonally very wierd to purport that anyone can be redeemed, ANYONE, even people in HELL, can be redeemed and then not continue that very messy and difficult ethical conversation.

Nifty is boy-crazy. Taken to its extreme, what can that mean? What causes attraction so vile it sends you to hell? Was she was one of those "Boy Moms" who excuses his son's horrid actions at the expense of women's safety? Did she cover up a rape her child committed, because Mother's special little boy couldn't possible do something so vile! Or maybe she didn't love her children enough. Maybe her obsession with "bad boys" comes from being forced into an extremely suffocating and unhappy marriage. Maybe she ran off with some 50s biker. Maybe she abandoned her children because she was too obsessed with being loved herself that she couldn't love her children if it meant not having a man's attention. Maybe her boy craziness evolved into a raving jealousy if she didn't get her feelings reciprocated. She's a maid, right? She wants things clean and tidy. Did she murder a man? Did she spend hours scrubbing the floor so none of his blood would remain? Then maybe her arc could be about loving herself and not needing a man to define her identity. Maybe it could be unpacking internalized misogyny and coming to terms with the real pain she caused other women.

Mimzy is opportunistic. She only comes around when she needs a favor. She has no loyalty and only uses Alastor to get her out of problems. Why is she like that? Who taught her that relationships were transactional instead of committal? Maybe she was once a naive young girl who got 'used' for something, and it soured her opinion on other people. I mean, she's plus-sized during the FLAPPER era, where thin was like 1990s level of in. But there's a lot of plus-sized women who talk about being some guy's sneaky link, because he wants to prey on her insecurity and get her into bed, but then never be seen with her, because she's not a socially acceptable dating option. Did Mimzy get her heart broken, and now she doesn't trust anyone? Now she just uses people for what they're good for, because hurt people hurt people, and she's continuing a cycle she herself was a victim to? Maybe Mimzy's redemption could be about letting people in, about not letting trauma turn her into a bad person.

Husk is an alcoholic and a gambling addict. Most people don't just pick up those hobbies for the fun of it. Husk is a miserable little man, and he was probably driven to drink because of his own unhappiness. He was pansexual in the 1970s, right? Maybe he couldn't accept himself or he was forced to not accept himself. Maybe he was forced into a loveless marriage, and he started to go out to the casino to get away from the wife and family he never wanted. But more and more and more he spends time over there, because he doesn't want to go home. And soon he becomes dependent on booze and gambling because it gives him a little joy in his miserable life. But addiction doesn't hurt just the addicted person. It hurts everyone around him. He starts skipping work to gamble. He loses his job. He steals money from his wife. He bets the car. Then the house. He leaves his family destitute, and he's convinced he's the victim because he never wanted to be a husband and father in the first place. When he dies of alcohol poisoning, his family doesn't even claim his body. His redemption could be about how when your own life sucks, it's not an excuse to hurt others. You have to find better ways to cope with a bad hand.

Angel Dust is too many things. He's a prostitute and a porn star and a gay man in the 30s and a gangster and a drug-addict. But if we were gonna try and make all of that make sense, Angel Dust is very family-oriented. He grew up in a mob family. Loyalty is EVERYTHING. So in his mind, killing people was a lesser sin than "betraying" his family by not getting rid of their enemies. His family is everything to him. So he can't be gay. He can't. He can't. He's SO repressed. He refuses to acknowledge it. He spends his entire, short life, trying to fit the mold of a perfect, loyal son. But… he did kill a LOT of people… So when he dies in some shoot out, he goes to hell, and he snaps. He did EVERYTHING he thought was right. He did everything his family told him to do. He was the perfect son, and when he dies he gets sent to hell. He immediately loses all inhibition. He's still a sex/drug addict, but only after he winds up in hell. He's going to spend eternity giving into every single base desire he denied himself while alive. It's destroying him. He's selling himself to men, but deep down he's still ashamed and wondering what his family would think. He drowns out those thoughts with more sex and drugs. Angel's redemption arc is about balance. Yes, he should have been able to be true to himself while alive, but complete indulgence is just as hurtful to him as complete denial.

Sir Pentious… why is he even in hell? I mean, he's a little annoying, and in the pilot he was involved in a gang war, but what did he do in life to justify being sent to hell? Well, he was a Victorian Englishman, so I'm gonna say racism! Horrible racism and colonialsim. He was raised in a time where those were the dominant thought patterns, and he did not analyze them one bit. Conflict can come when black-coded characters like Alastor and Husk expect to be treated like human beings. And Charlie has to face the difficulty of believing a person can change, but how to deal with the current harm they're causing the people she cares about. Maybe Sir Pentious isn't a recorring cast member. Maybe he came to the hotel because he thinks he should be in Heaven. He brought glory to the British empire. He was a kind gentleman. He donated to charities. But he leaves the hotel because he doesn't think "those people" are good enough for Heaven. He refuses to acknowledge his behavior as needing to be changed, but Charlie tells him there is a spot at the hotel when he's ready to change. His character is about how you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink. He can be offered all the chances in the world to be better, but until he can come to terms with his own capacity for evil, he can't be redeemed.

Cherry Bomb doesn't exist, because she's a superfluous character that doesn't fit in my rewrite. Sir Pentious doesn't get a love interest, and Angel Dust's friend is now Vaggie.

No fallen angel crud. Vaggie was a prostitute that got murdered like Viv originally planned for her to be like 10 years ago. I think Vaggie shows some really codependent traits in the show. Charlie seems to be her entire world. She sings about being her armor. She's willing to put herself in harm's way to defend her, even die for her. She doesn't seem to care much about the other patron's of the hotel apart from them being facet's of Charlie's dream. Maybe Vaggie was one of those poor women who gets trafficked by their boyfriend (or maybe girlfriend in her case). A single person becomes her whole entire world, and she's willing to do ANYTHING for them. Even put herself in dangerous situations that lead to her death… But she did it for love! <3 She hurts herself for love.. for approval. And maybe the show can get into a conversation about what sin really is. So many people define sin as harmed caused to others, but what about harm caused to yourself? Viv originally stated that Vaggie's feelings for Charlie were one-sided, and I think that detail would be even more poignant in this interpretation of her character. She's trying so hard to be noticed and to be loved, and Charlie's become a goddess in her eyes. She puts her on such a pedastal she has no room for her own worth. Her arc is maybe a bit too similiar to Nifty's depending on how we choose to interpret her character, but it's also about finding identity outside of others and being able to set boundaries. Because loving someone and wanting to help them and wanting to protect them are not bad impulses, but like anything else, when taken to extremes it becomes something bad. Dependency can twist love into obession.

Lucifer is the Devil! He's evil! No sad-man, Dad-trying-his-best nonsense! He's evil! The big twist of Hazbin Hotel is that they're not in Hell! They're in Purgatory. There are no sins that cannot be forgiven, but sin can also not enter the Kingdom of Heaven. Purgatory is a place where your sins are burned away so that eventually you can join God in heaven. In Purgatorio, Dante depicts Purgatory as a place of effort. People are in constantly motion striving to get closer to heaven. Purgatory in Hazbin could be a place where people get a second chance to work on their vices. If they couldn't be a good person in life, then they have all of eternity to try again. But Lucifer, the prince of LIES, has convinced everyone they're in Hell. There is no redemption. There is no getting better. He causes the sinners to fall into a great despair. Why try getting better if there is no hope? So when people learn they're in hell, they dig in their heels. They lean even further into vice. They cannot experience love or laughter or joy again. So they settle for booze and sex and violence, anything to numb the pain of knowing they're trapped forever. But is a hell of their own making, little do they know. By tricking generations of sinners, not a single soul has redeemed itself and gotten to heaven in centuries. That's why no one believes it's possible. That's why when Charlie suggests it, he's furiously disapproving of her. He doesn't want people to get better. He doesn't want to improve. He wants everyone to be as miserable as he is, because misery loves company. But he can't tip his hat too much or the older souls might get suspicious. He is the Prince of Lies. His power comes not from strength but from manipulation. The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist. In Hazin, the greatest trick he ever pulled was convincing people there's no hope for themselves. I was once told that Judas's great sin was not betraying Jesus, but his own suicide after falling into despair. How glorious it would have been to go to a church named after Judas the Repentent. But alas, it is not so. The greatest sin you can commit against yourself is thinking you're too far gone.

And that's why I think Alastor is the central sinner to the narrative. Because he shares Lucifer's viewpoint. People can't get better. Nothing ever gets better. People are bad or people are good, and you can't be both. And who could blame him for having that idea? Let's just pretend that Alastor's lack of visual black-coding is because he is a VERY white-passing creole man. And because of that, he was treated so differently than his mother. And he was treated differently when people found out about his heritage. He became a big radio host. He was popular. He was famous. But he wasn't seen as an equal human being. He was a performer to be enjoyed, but never a person to be respected. He was "one of the good ones" at BEST. And he believed in the good of people. His mother was such a kind soul. She instilled in him that everyone has good inside of them. So he waited to see it. He waited and he waited, and he only saw increasing racism and violence towards his people. One day he just snaps and kills someone, and he considers it a justice. People like that are never going to change. The world is better without them. So he just keeps murdering racists until he gets shot in the head. And when he finds himself in hell, he believes even LESS in the good of people or God or heaven or whatever. If killing racists sent him to hell, then God is evil, and the idea of objective morality in and of itself is perposterous. Positioning Alastor as a vigilante killer would also make some of his comic depictions make more sense. Like he's a really nice guy to Rosie and other women, but he's also a violent murderous man. It's because he thinks people are good or bad, and if you're bad it justifies whatever he does to you. The cannibalism might also be like a power thing. Alastor's arc is about believing in Charlie's mission, genuinely. Eventually, it's not about watching people stumble and fall, because there's a cosmic humor to the cruelty of the universe. He starts to genuinely see people improve, but he fights against the idea, because his life was defined by static, perpetual, instituional evil. Maybe a soul gets redeemed before his very eyes, and he still doesn't believe it. Because to admit a human's capacity for moral growth is to completely restructure his entire understanding of the world, and that's scary.

Finally, Charlie. Princess of Hell. I've always been rather fond of Tolkien's sentiment that evil cannot create, only corrupt. So I don't think Lucifer is her real father. I think Charlie was like… a baby angel. And when Lucifer was leading his rebellion he stole children and forced them to fall to hell with him. It was just another way to bring misery, forcing the innocent to share the burden of his punishment. I think he got a sick pleasure from raising her. He "loved" her, or at least she thought he did. He was very, very good as playing Father. Prince of Lies and all that. He gets a chuckle knowing she's so happy here rotting in hell and has no idea what she's missing from her true destiny in Heaven. But that goodness inside of her can't be extinguished. She's an angel. She has a natural instinct to help human souls and fight evil. But because she was raised in Hell, she doesn't understand the complexities of sin that the elder angels would have informed her about. She's naive, and she certainly has to learn how to help guide people towards a brighter path, but she doesn't change her stance. So many times characters who believe in the good of people end stories with some pessimistic maturity where they realize that some people can't be helped. But Charlie doesn't change. Charlie stands firm at the end of the series believing that EVERYONE can be redeemed. It won't be easy, and you could argue it's not even fair, but she believes it. Lucifer chastises her, saying it'll take an eternity to change a sinner's mind, but she just smiles. Because an eternity is what she has, and she'll spend it helping people.

Also Chalastor is canon.

#hazbin hotel critical #hazbin hotel critique #hazin hotel rewrite #adam and lute don't exist because heaven is actually good in this rewrite #also the vees might exist but definitely not in the form they do now #the extermination is done by lucifer and the other demons #they get their kicks watching sinners scream and run and beg for their afterlives #it also causes a false sense of scarcity which makes them act even worse to each other

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njordr · 4 months

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no because anakin was never dealt with a winning anything, my dude spent years as a slave’s kid working in the junk shop building droids as a form of fun.

i always enjoy the whole “Anakin just expected Obi-wan and Padmé to trust and listen to him?? Asshole” discourse because like… yeah??

not trying to self insert here but as a mentally I’ll individual 🫡 who in a fit of mania sometimes believes they are absolutely, 100% right and has the irrational thinking of; “im right, and you love me, you’re the person I love most, you should get it” & is totally irrationally emotional when they DONT, yeah… I GET THAT SIR!!

Even if it’s completely understandable, deep down I know they’re not at fault for not getting my own emotions, I’m in control of those — not others. I know this. Still, when my partner says something that goes against me it’s like nails against chalkboards sometimes

Again, when looking at Anakin he had nothing. He was a slave all his life, just to a different master each time. on Tatooine, to the Jedi/code, Palpatine and even to the Darth vader suit, he is never of his own free will. It was Qui-gon’s choice to win Anakin, to take him from his mother and home to what he thought would be a better life. granted it is, but he also finds himself isolated from what is imo what is supposed to be his “placeholder family”

MORE IMPORTANTLY Padmé is the love of his life, telling him that what he thinks they need, what he’s done for her and their family etc to be at peace/alive was actually WRONG!! BAD!! All meanwhile he doesn’t have any of his support at his side; Rex is off with ahsoka, obi-wan is fighting grievous on utpau meanwhile Palpatine has puppy Anakin at his every whim and call ((lets not forget that Palpatine had to have been grooming Anakin from a relatively young age)) They don’t get it, they didn’t see Padmé die before their very eyes, they don’t know what’s waiting them. Anakin is trying to save his family. Obi-Wan going against him is salt in the wound, even if Anakin himself knows it’s wrong and against the code and just completely evil.

I mean, Padmé FORGAVE him for the whole tusken massacre smh is it such a stretch to believe she would stand by his side as he waged war against the galaxy? i mean… isn’t that what love is…..? selfish, passionate, narcissistic, messy? she herself is a politician who often prioritized Anakin over her own duties I bet my man expected some “if you have a body in your trunk I’ll bring the shovel” type beat which also, i reiterate, WHY WOULDN’T HE when his wife forgave him for mass genocide, children included?,

he is emotionally/mentally fragile, he just recently slew younglings and killed Mace — you think this mf is thinking logically? Stop giving him the benefit of the doubt; he was a mess throughout the series, not once did he ever have his feet on the ground. He isn’t suddenly going to make the “right” decision, especially if it means sacrificing his loved ones. He’s an extremely flawed character, stop expecting him to make the right call.

The blocks of Anakin’s character have been set up to fall, Obi-Wan and Padmé are two of his most beloved relationships aside from his MOTHER that are completely dogging on his only hope of SAVING THEM. Anakin was never simply, “you have to do what I say or else I’ll get upset!” that’s a disrespect to his character — he can think logically. He isn’t a child. He is strategic, effective, in tcw he is the most efficient victorious warrior making Palpatine’s efforts look even better as leader of the republic. He builds droids from the time he is a young child all throughout his formative - adult years to the extent where knows how to understand their bleep bloops.

Anakin is flawed deeply, he was doomed from the get-go, never had a chance. His feelings are complex and deep and he questions the faith he swore to follow/protect. His character is so interesting to me and I have such a difficult time depicting the raw duality of man he wears on his shoulders everyday. Our desire to do good, yet to be evil; our desire to be unselfish, yet we are selfish.

This beautiful, scarred, monstrous mosaic of a man who from the very beginning, had a huge amount of pressure on him was meant to be so horribly dismantled. What other choice did he have? He is the chosen one, how could he be wrong? How could his idea of saving his family be any less honourable than the Jedi of the Galaxy?

He isn’t simply angry at them for not agreeing with him/falling with him, he feels betrayed. Personally. Obi-Wan and Padmé are pieces of Anakin, people that he loved so fiercely he labeled them as his enemies once they hurt him, he is too far gone to give them any semblance of second chances

anyways yep happy Thursday guys

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sciderman · 6 months

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i think deadpool 2 is funnier cuz we’ve seen it less repeatedly, yk? like deadpool 1, the best jokes were in the trailer that i saw constantly, then the movie came OUT and i watched it constantly, random repeating the jokes in fanfic, gifs etc or whatever. deadpool 2 is funnier cuz it feels more fresh (as in the i have seen repeats of the jokes less) , but i think deadpool 1 is the better movie tbh. feels less like a cluster fuck , when in deadpool 2 is a cluster fuck in a… bad way. but that’s just my experience. i can literally recite about 70% of the deadpool 1 jokes from memory

deadpool 2 is SUCH a cluster fuck. the editing, the plot - it's all so. so messy. it's a sloppy, messy bitch. it falls apart once you poke it.

literally why does nate only have two charges. one to get him there. one to take him back. they say it in the movie. lazy writing.

they could have literally saved wade's life by just fuckgi. taking the collar off. nate did NOT need to do thE TIME slide and get stuck in the past to save wade. unless.

like everything with nate and wade there is no heterosexual explanation for it. but also it's lazy writing to justify a sequel where nate sticks around which we might not even GET because marvel is going to ruin everything

i think everything is kind of dumb. vanessa's death being wade's motivator is. horrible. i don't think he needs that motivation to save a kid. i really just think they didn't know what to do with her, so they just... turned her into a source of man pain. that's all she ever gets to be. and it sucks.

i feel like all the issues i have with the deadpool movies would be solved with a script doctor of deadpool 1 where vanessa doesn't wind up with wade at the end. it would be a genuine subversion of the genre! "hero" doesn't get the girl. actually, he has some work to do. she walks away. you get to write vanessa out, without killing her. AND she gets agency beyond being a damsel in distress and eventually getting fridged. love that. simple fix. her walking away from wade, she gets to be a character with agency AND a source of man pain. sexy. love it. so! simple! and it already happened in the comics. you have the blueprint right there.

if only the deadpool movies were actually clever and actually wanted to subvert the genre

#sci talks movies #deadpool movies have a braincell and use it challenge

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gatoraid · 7 months

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Anime recs for The Radiant Emperor enjoyers

I was watching the new Ooku anime on Netflix some weeks ago and I thought it hit that ”court drama dealing with gender roles and making me cry” spot that He Who Drowned the World has been occupying in my heart lately (even if it engages with some of these themes very differently).

Somehow that got me thinking about other anime that might align with the vibes and themes in The Radiant Emperor book series and eventually came up with this list.

Some of those themes include gender roles, queerness, disability, politics, oppression, rebellion, revenge, impossible and messy relationships and tragedy. Darker themes like war, violence, sexual assault etc are also often present. Please lmk if you agree or disagree with these choices and feel free to add more!

Dororo (2019)

Historical fantasy based on Osamu Tezuka’s manga classic from the 1960s.

An orphan who hides her gender in order to survive meets a young man who fights demons to claim back his body parts that his father traded away in a demonic pact. There’s tons of pain and tough moral questions and complicated family relationships, and the way Hyakkimaru deals with having lost and then slowly regaining parts of himself is super interesting.

24 episodes. Stream on Prime Video, Hidive

The Heike Story (2022)

Retelling of the historical epic Heike monogatari through the eyes of an orphan girl who gains the ability to see supernatural things after her father’s passing. Inevitability of fate, the impermanence of all existence, praying for your loved ones’ happiness in the next life, all of these things are beautifully woven in this visually stunning story. The story also hits different when you know that Heike monogatari was traditionally performed by blind musicians and singers.

11 episodes. Stream on Cruncyroll, Apple TV

Inu-oh (2022)

Historical fantasy. Two outcasts find each other and change the history with their music in this story that also pays respect to the Heike monogatari’s origin as a singing tradition. Focus on things like identity, disability, nonconformity, ghosts. Yes, the ghosts part is important. Also, the gender expressions and the bond between the two main characters is something I’ve seen a lot of queer/trans ppl relate to and Inu-oh is voiced by none other than the trans icon Avu-chan.

Movie. Stream on Hulu

Ōoku: The Inner Chambers (2023)

Alternate history where most men in Japan have been wiped out by a mysterious disease. Very much a court drama centered in the Tokugawa shogun’s residence where men serve the woman shogun as concubines (and sometimes have relationships with each other). Also, one of the main characters is a monk who ends up giving up his vows! Based on Fumi Yoshinaga’s acclaimed manga that has also been adapted to various live action movies and drama series.

10 episodes. Stream on Netflix

Toward the Terra (2007)

Scifi classic with two main characters who are at the opposing sides but feel inexplicably connected. There’s just so many insane relationships and emotions here, I still have not recovered from the ”I want to kill you but I will also protect you with my own life” thing…… Based on the 1970s manga by Keiko Takemiya. Not to be confused with the movie from 1980.

24 episodes. Available on DVD

Devilman Crybaby (2018)

Apocalyptic fantasy with demons and stuff. Based on the classic 1970s manga by Go Nagai.

I don’t even know how to describe the story, it’s just the tragedy, the queer yearning, the ”I killed the one I loved and then it was too late”, the ”things will get bad and then they will get worse” vibe that I think is very fitting. This one has the most extreme violent and sexual content out of the series on this list.

10 episodes. Stream on Netflix

Banana Fish (2018)

Gang wars, mystery drugs and complicated emotions set in New York. Based on the iconic 1980s manga by Akemi Yoshida. Deals heavily with trauma and CSA.

You guessed right, this one is also a tragedy. If you love Ouyang and/or Baoxiang, you’re probably going to love Lee Yut-Lung. That’s all I’m going to say.

24 episodes. Stream on Amazon Prime

#the radiant emperor #idk these made some sort of sense in my head at least #rec lists #he who drowned the world #she who became the sun #long post #anime recs

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lord-squiggletits · 3 months

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The thing about the fandom headcanon that calls Pharma Ratchet's crazy ex and treats him like some sort of stalker or intrusion on Ratchet's love life (usually with Drift) is that

On one level, it's already annoying when a perfectly fine/interesting character is reduced to nothing but "bitter ex getting in the way of The Actual OTP" because it simplifies the character to only exist as a satellite to someone's ship (the bitter loser who can't let go/doesn't deserve person A/etc) instead of having their own life going on.

But when it comes to Pharma it's particularly annoying because it reduces Pharma to "the crazy stalker/bitter ex", framing Pharma as if he's the villain ruining Ratchet's life with his inability to just let go,

When in actual canon it was Ratchet who was best friends with Pharma their whole life (they're even shown together in the Functionist Universe). Ratchet who ditched Pharma with barely a word of goodbye (before Delphi, and ironically the same conversation where Pharma asked Ratchet if he should accept the station at Delphi). And it was Ratchet who asked Drift if he was scared of going into DJD territory as an ex-Decepticon, but treated Pharma like scum for killing patients under threat of being murdered by the DJD. And Ratchet who stole Pharma's hands. And Ratchet who tried to manipulate Pharma by using his deepest insecurities against him on Luna-1.

It's not like Pharma is some rando who Ratchet barely knew. They were BEST FRIENDS whose friendship was severed on a really messy note. Pharma has every right to be invested in a relationship/friendship that almost literally lasted he and Ratchet's entire life. It sucks when people implicitly treat Pharma as if he's obsessed and should just move on when the reality is that it was Ratchet who first terminated their relationship with no explanation or even a goodbye (pre Delphi) and then with leaving Pharma to die and then stealing his hands (post-Delphi). So is Pharma really "obsessed" or is he just understandably upset about being betrayed by the person who should've known and cared about him the most?

So like, it's really annoying when Ratchet has so many flaws in canon and questionable ways he treated Pharma, but the fandom just calls Pharma a crazy stalker ex as if Pharma is the freak who's overreacting and mentally insane while Ratchet is just some guy who was only minding his own business. To me it's not even a matter of shipping, it's just the fact that Ratchet DID handle his relationship with Pharma super fucking poorly. And I really wish more people in the fandom acknowledged that instead of framing Pharma as the evil/crazy/overly attached one for being upset about being ditched. Pharma has reasons to be pissed off and driven to get revenge on Ratchet, and even if his romantic feelings towards Ratchet might play somewhat of a role, Pharma is way more than just some stalker ex who's evil because he's crazy and wants Ratchet to be his boyfriend.

I mean Pharma literally says on the page that the reasons he's angry at Ratchet are for ruining his plans at Delphi and for stealing his hands. Even though Pharma-as-Adaptus orders Drift shot later in LL, it's not explicitly framed as some romantic jealousy and could also just as easily be construed as Pharma getting revenge for Drift cutting his hands off. I don't think Pharma ever even talks about or mentions Drift in the entire story. It's very clear that Pharma's beef/obsession with Ratchet is entirely between him and Ratchet and Drift is only a footnote in all of the reasons Pharma is pissed off.

#squiggposting #pharma apologism #not to mention it also sucks when a character is deeply traumatized and psychologically scarred #and theyre dismissed as just being fucking crazy lmao. as if they ended up that way for no reason at all #or when their trauma is just 'oh he's crazy/evil/mentally ill bc he's sad about not having a boyfriend'#i killed the functionist pharma headcanon and by god i will kill the stalker ex pharma headcanon too #the whole thing is just a peak example of protagonist centered morality honestly #ppl cant handle the idea of one of the good guy fan favorites being flawed and culpable for his mistakes #so instead it's the other unpopular barely existent character who gets tacked with the blame #it's sorta like how ratchet canonically has way more internalized functionism than pharma does #but for the longest time the fandom made pharma the posh elitist snob of a functionist

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naughtyneganjdm · 9 months

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On the Run - Chapter 12

Summary: After spending the night with Negan and Joel, Y/N feels elated to know that she is with the two men she loves, but her happiness is cut short when it's revealed that Bill has a plan to try to figure out who has been trying to kill her.

Characters: Joel Miller (The Last of Us), Negan (The Walking Dead), the reader (OC, third person), Bill (The Last of Us), Frank (The Last of Us), etc.

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/47007172/chapters/123084403

Warnings: Swearing, angst, small amounts of smut (I guess?), etc.

Notes: There are only two chapters left after this one. Thanks if you took the time to read this and comment! I appreciate you guys.

Warmth. It both filled and surrounded Y/N when her eyes came to a fluttering open. With the small amount of sunshine flooding through the blinds, it took a few minutes for her eyes to adjust to the light. Realizing where she was made her faintly smile. Being between both Negan and Joel at the center of the king-sized bed they had been sharing felt incredible. It was the best she had felt in a very long time. An ached filled her body, but it was a good one. One that she actually appreciated as opposed to the constant pain she had been experiencing for so long. Last night was really the first time she had been able to take her mind off the things that had been bothering her.

Adjusting her positioning on the bed, she couldn’t help but smile. Both Negan and Joel were cuddled up to her. Joel was holding onto her from behind, his arm wrapped loosely around her ribs and the warmth of his breath lingered over the back of her neck with his heavy breathing. Focusing on Negan before her, she felt the heat of his breath pressing in over her lips from how close he was to her sleeping. One of his arms was wrapped around her waist while his other hand was holding onto hers. Squeezing her fingers around Negan’s made his eyes shift beneath his eyelids. The sensation didn’t make him wake up, he just cuddled his head in closer to her and she felt herself in awe for him. She loved being between the both of them. Having them both sleeping, comfortable with her made her feel safe.

Leaning in, she nuzzled her nose in against Negan’s yearning for that closeness to him. If you would have told her she would have woken up like this in the past, she would have never believed you. Then again most of what had been happening to her lately she would have never believed a year ago. Tipping her head back, she lifted her free hand to brush her fingers through Negan’s dark hair. There was still some discoloration on his face from him healing from the attack that he took weeks ago. It made her frown knowing that it was her fault he suffered like he did for so long. Negan was still healing and they probably put him through too much last night, but she got lost in the moment and it wasn’t maybe the best decision, but it felt right at the time.

Pressing forward, she deposited a faint kiss against Negan’s forehead and it made his breathing change. Instead of waking up, he just leaned in to press a kiss over the back of her hand that he was holding onto and it made her smile. Even sleeping Negan was fucking adorable with her and she loved it. Lifting her head, she stole a quick look at the clock on the nightstand. It was close to the time when Bill and Frank would come to wake them up for breakfast. After last night, she thought she should probably get a shower in before spending time with Bill and Frank this morning.

Releasing Negan’s hand, she tried to wiggle herself careful enough not to wake either one of them up. However she must have moved a little too much for Joel because his breathing changed behind her and she felt his arm squeezing tighter around her.

“What are you doing?” Joel grumbled under his breath making her look over her shoulder at him. Lifting his head from the pillows made his messy hair fall in front of his eyes causing her to smirk. His eyes were barely opened when she turned reaching out to stroke her fingers down over the side of his face. “Are you okay?”

“I’m going to take a quick shower,” she explained, outstretching enough to curl her finger in underneath Joel’s chin to bring him to her. Faintly brushing her lips over his made him hum at the sensation. Smiling when she pulled away, he gave her a wink and then lowered his head back into the pillows to get comfortable.

Once his deep breaths filled the air again, she knew that he had fallen back asleep. Taking advantage of the moment, she moved in a way that was cautious enough not to wake him up again. Once she got off the bed, she tiptoed toward the bathroom and carefully pushed the door shut slightly. Starting up the shower, she made sure the water was hot before stepping inside of it and closing the door behind her.

Pressing her hands against the wall of the shower, she lowered her head underneath the stream of the water and swallowed down hard. Memories from the night before flooded her mind and it made her sigh. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea for her to do what she did with Joel and Negan. While she enjoyed it very much, she wondered if it made her a bad person to ask that from them. The timing may have been inappropriate even though they both agreed to it and didn’t seem to be bothered by what happened.

Even though she knew they would tell her everything was okay, it made her think about Poppy. They had just said goodbye to Poppy and she should have been focusing on that, but she was so eager to forget the pain just for a while that she asked what she did of the two men in her life. Was that such a bad thing? To want to feel something other than the pain and suffering that she had been feeling? Maybe she was a bad person. It wasn’t like she thought very highly of herself as it was.

Closing her eyes, she appreciated the warmth of the water pouring down over her and let out a tight breath. Even though it felt nice, in the shower is where her mind lingered the most. Hearing the sound of the door pulling open behind her, she kept her eyes closed. Warmth radiated against her back with someone moving into the shower with her. After closing the shower door behind them, an arm loosely wrapped around her waist. It was followed by a faint kiss that was pressed over her shoulder. By the sensation, she knew exactly who was behind her. She didn’t have to ask or even look. Sliding her hand down, she kept her eyes closed when she hooked her fingers with theirs.

“I’m glad it’s you in here with me,” she whispered feeling him closing the distance between them. Hooking his other arm around her, he pulled her closely to him so he could hold her firmly beneath the stream of the hot water. “Your arms are exactly what I need right now.”

“You in my arms is the best way to start my morning,” a deep rumble of a voice stammered from behind her and she smiled. Opening her eyes, she loosely turned in his arms and tipped her head back to stare into the tired hazel eyes before her. Even the way he looked at her took her breath away. “Good morning beautiful.”

“Good morning, Negan,” she breathed out, placing her left hand over the center of Negan’s chest to brace herself. Tipping up on her toes, she slid her hand around the back of Negan’s neck to caress over the flesh. Tugging him slightly down, she brought their lips together in a tender sweep of a kiss. Kissing Negan was something that she could never get sick of. Everything with Negan was so passionate and it was addictive. In both the emotional and physical sense. Wrapping her arm around his shoulders, she broke the kiss but still let her lips linger over his. “Do you still love me after last night?”

“Why would I stop?” Negan’s face twisted in confusion, his eyes genuinely curious as to why she was asking him.

“You might think I’m a whore after having both you and Joel at the same time,” she suggested making him roll his eyes and snicker at the idea of it. “It’s not funny. Some people might think I’m dirty or a skank. I might be someone they don’t want to be with after what I did last night.”

“Look at me,” Negan urged her by curling his finger in underneath her chin to get her to raise her eyes to his. Squeezing her tightly to him with his other arm, he could see that it made her happy with the way he was with her. “Does it look like I don’t love you anymore?”

“Negan…” she began staring into his eyes and she always knew that when she looked in his eyes it took her breath away. “In your eyes I see everything I want to. Endless amounts of love and awe.”

“Then that should answer your question,” he smirked tipping down to steal another quick kiss from her, nuzzling his nose against hers when they separated. “There is nothing in this world that could ever change the way I feel about you.”

“I don’t think I deserve that,” she whispered eliciting a growl from his lips in response. “Just with Joel…”

“I know how you feel about me and I know how you feel about Joel,” Negan interrupted her before she could continue on with her worries. “I’ve always known and that’s not going to suddenly change. I fucking promise you that.”

“So you don’t think what we did last night was wrong?” she inquired with an arch of her eyebrow, but with the sigh that Negan gave her it showed that he didn’t think it was something she should be worrying about.

“I guess it would depend on who you asked, but at this point I really don’t give a shit what other people think,” Negan reminded her with a bounce of his eyebrows, the warmth of his breath teasing in over hers. “Last night we all agreed to comfort each other and we shared a moment. We were consenting adults out to share a beautiful fucking moment together and we did.”

“Nice use of words,” she teased him, reaching down to playfully sweep her fingers over the area that she knew Negan was ticklish. “I just don’t want you or Joel to think differently of me.”

“Do you look at Joel or me differently?” Negan wondered making her tip her head back to look up at him with wonder in her eyes. “We’re two big burly men and we both shared some moments of comfort with one another.”

“Kissing and touching each other is not a big deal,” she reasoned with him making Negan’s right eyebrow arch up and she huffed. “I guess it goes back to the whole who you ask thing, but obviously I didn’t mind.”

“Then there you go, we’re all happy and everything is fine,” Negan hushed her, lifting his fingers on his right hand to cover her lips while his left arm still stayed hooked around her. “In my eyes I think you are the most amazingly beautiful woman I’ve ever known. I’m pretty sure Joel feels the same way about you too. You’re loved. Very loved.”

There was something in the way that he was looking at her that took her breath away. By the way he was staring down at her, there was a smirk over his features and his dimples were showing clearly. Pushing up on her toes, she brought their lips together again and enjoyed the continued caress of his lips over hers. Stepping forward, Negan led them further under the hot water and he groaned when the warm water covered his flesh.

“Do you hurt?” she faintly dragged her fingers down over the small of his back and he grumbled against her lips.

“There is a reason I went further underneath the hot water,” Negan snickered, nibbling at her bottom lip but she pulled away to frown at his answer. “Well worth the pain, but I am a bit sore.”

“I’m sorry,” she apologized caressing up and over his body in attempts to soothe him. With her touch it made him smile brightly down at her. Turning her in his arms, Negan worked to get them shampooed up and bathed beneath the water. For that time they were quiet and she just enjoyed the touch and caress of his hands over her body. It was very sweet how Negan took care of her. Once he was done, she fell back against his chest allowing him to hold her tightly in his arms. “Negan?”

“Yes?” he slurred burying his nose against the side of her neck.

“Should I have told Joel about what happened?” she swallowed down hard knowing that the miscarriage was still heavy in her heart and on her mind. “I feel like I’m a bad person for not telling him.”

“I think at some point you need to talk to him about it, but when you decide to do that, it should be your decision and when you are comfortable,” Negan answered her, his fingers brushing over her lower abdomen making her sigh. “In order to make yourself feel better, I think you are going to have to talk to him about it. Get it off your chest.”

“Do you think he will hate me?” it was a fear she genuinely had. Not only did she not tell Joel that she was pregnant with his baby, but she also kept the miscarriage from him.

“I don’t think so,” Negan responded, not telling her what he already knew. Joel had heard her telling him already, but instead of focusing on his emotions and feelings Joel locked that up to help her feel better about herself yesterday. “I think there is more to Joel than meets the eye.”

“You would know,” she wanted to change the energy between the two of them knowing that she could easily find herself falling into depression again and that’s not what she wanted. “Those kisses were something else.”

“Knock it off,” Negan grumbled peppering kisses over the side of her neck. “That shit doesn’t bother me, but I think Joel is a bit of a tight ass and it might bother him.”

Before she could respond the sound of the shower door being pulled open was heard. Both of them looked back to see Joel standing before them, “Why are we talking about my ass?”

Moving into the shower with them made Y/N laugh when it caused her and Negan to press back into the corner of the shower, “I feel like if we’re talking about my ass, I should be able to know why.”

“The shower is not big enough for this,” Negan winced, adjusting one of the shampoo bottles that was digging at his back end making Y/N burst out in laughter. Joining in with them under the water, Joel wrapped his arms around Y/N’s body along with Negan and peppered kisses against Y/N’s shoulder. “We’re just getting used to doing everything together, aren’t we?”

“I don’t mind,” Joel rumbled from where his lips were over Y/N’s shoulder. “I think we make a good trio.”

“Oh yeah?” Negan’s eyebrow arched in curiosity making a tired smirk press in over Joel’s features. “We’ll see.”

“Joel,” she gasped bouncing her hips forward toward Negan when she felt Joel hard against the small of her back. Her response to his erection made Joel huff.

“It’s the morning and I had plenty of good things to dream about from last night,” Joel hushed her, reaching around them to grab the shampoo that they had already used. Lathering it into his hair he was quick in the way he did it before shaking his head a few times when he tried to rinse it out. “You never told me why you were talking about my ass.”

“I was saying I didn’t know how you would feel about last night with the things…” Negan looked between both Y/N and Joel not knowing if he should mention them. “The things that the two of us did.”

“Ah, that’s why we were talking about my tight ass,” Joel scoffed and placed his hands out over the wall of the shower to allow it to spray down in over him leaving a small amount of room for both Y/N and Negan. How Joel was standing kept them both in the shower with him and he shrugged. “Like I said, I think the three of us make a good trio. By doing what we did last night, it saved us from being bored while we waited for our turn. And it kept things intimate.”

“So you’re both okay with it?” she double checked causing Joel to nod and snicker. “That’s all that matters then.”

“Are we just having conversations in the shower?” Joel snagged Y/N from Negan having her fall in closer to his chest. Drawing his thick fingers over her jawline, Negan could see her eyes narrowing while the lust grew in them. “Instead of just having group conversations in the shower, maybe the three of us could get intimate again instead?”

With a smirk, Y/N allowed Joel to bring their lips together for a fiery kiss that took her breath away. Using his free hand, Joel reached out for Negan bringing him closer to them. Taking the hint, Negan lowered back down to start pressing hot kisses in over her jawline drawing her to gasp out. Having both of them pampering her at the same time was not something that she thought she would ever get used to. Dropping her head, she kissed down over Joel’s neck allowing Joel to steal a kiss from Negan. Their hands caressing over her body was causing a fire to flood her veins, but it soon left as soon as they heard something crashing in the bedroom. The sound caused them to jump and pull away from one another since it was loud enough for them to hear over the shower.

“Dear God, is everyone okay?” Frank’s voice called out causing Joel to let out a growl knowing that any plans they were leading toward were now going to be canceled. “Hey there! Hello? I can’t seem to get in the room, but breakfast is done!”

“Sometimes I wonder if Poppy’s soul went into that man because they are so much alike,” Y/N stammered making Negan snicker against the side of her neck. A small rumble of laughter fell from his throat with him nuzzling his nose against her skin. Once they heard some more things falling in the bedroom it made her sigh out. “Well that was fun while it lasted. We need to stop before he breaks the door down to get in here.”

“I’ll be quick,” Joel insisted when her and Negan headed for the shower door. Once they left the shower, they could see that Joel was soaping himself up leaving her with Negan.

Reaching for a towel, Negan held it open for her. With a smirk, she stepped forward allowing Negan to wrap her up in it. Once he had it wrapped tightly around her, he hooked his arms loosely around her hips and sighed.

“I feel like Bill’s place has become that island we talked about staying together at,” Negan informed her with a tiny smirk that drew her heart to skip a beat. Any time Negan smiled, it enhanced the depth of his dimples and she always was in awe of how charming they really were. “Instead of being alone on an island together to hide from the rest of the world we are here with Frank, Bill…and Joel.”

“It could be worse,” she noted tipping up on her toes, lingering her lips over his making his long eyelashes flutter to a close. Teasing the warmth of her flesh over Negan’s, she took her time bringing their mouths together for her to tenderly caress her lips over his. “We’re together. That’s what matters.”

“Exactly,” Negan breathed out, exhaling loudly when she traced her fingers over the center of his chest. Stroking through the wet, dark hair that covered his flesh made her smile when it made a loud exhale fall from his throat. “As long as you’re safe? That’s what is most important to me.”

“There is no one that I’m safer with,” she reminded him dragging her palms down the length of his abdomen toward his slender hips. It made him bite at his bottom lip, his hazel eyes narrowing when she looked down between them. “Fucking Frank.”

“Fucking Frank is right,” Negan snickered, lowering down to nuzzle his nose in against hers before grabbing a towel for himself. Hooking it around his hips loosely, Negan urged her closer to him again so he could wrap her up in his arms allowing her to rest her head against the center of his chest. “I love you. So fucking much.”

“I love you too,” she whispered listening to the steady beating of Negan’s heart. When the shower turned off, she tipped her head down to press a kiss over his chest before stepping back to get ready.

They took their time getting dressed. By the time they made it downstairs Bill and Frank were sitting at the table waiting for them. Their eyes were hooked on them and the expression over their faces were very different. Bill looked distraught and Frank looked like he was ready to explode with excitement.

“Good morning,” Joel’s southern drawl lingered when he uneasily made his way around the table to sit where he had been since they started living with Bill and Frank. Tension flooded all of them when they got seated at the table and their breakfast was on their plates. Uncomfortably, Joel shifted in his chair when he noticed the awkwardness coming from both Bill and Frank. “What’s going on?”

“Don’t,” Bill warned Frank who looked between the three of them. “I’m serious Frank.”

“What?” Negan snickered seeing Frank squeeze his hands shut into tight fists like he was trying to shut himself down.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t help myself,” Frank smacked his hands down in over the table before he pulled his chair closer. It made Bill roll his eyes when Frank leaned forward like someone who was eager to gossip. “So about last night, that sounded fun. Tell me all about it.”

With a grumble, Joel lowered his head into his palm and Y/N could see that his face was flushing over with red. Biting at his bottom lip, Negan lowered his head and reached for the fork that was next to his plate.

“Oh come on, someone has to talk to me about it,” Frank pled for details creating a warmth that flooded into Y/N’s face. Even Bill was embarrassed, but Frank didn’t seem to care at all. “I don’t know if you three were trying to be quiet and hide things, but you were doing a horrible job. So should I be telling the three of you congratulations or is this a common thing?”

“Frank! I don’t think they want a congratulations on their sex,” Bill corrected his lover making Frank snicker in response before starting to pick at his food himself. Negan’s eyebrows bounced up when he gave a dramatic expression looking between Joel and Y/N. “All I know is that when we do the laundry, we’re going to have to burn those sheets.”

“Honey, it’s a very beautiful thing that happened between the three of them last night,” Frank hushed his lover before tapping his hand out on the table again. “Now come on.”

“What? You don’t have a camera in there too?” Negan quipped staring out across the table at Bill who huffed, giving Negan a glare when Negan arrogantly took a bite of the eggs that he had scooped up onto his fork.

“I’m not a pervert,” Bill remarked making Negan smirk and lick at his lips before shaking his head slowly. “But Frank is right, it’s not like you tried to hide what the three of you were doing last night.”

“So tell me Joel, is that the first time you were even involved with a man in a sexual experience?” Frank pushed trying to get Joel’s attention from where he still had his head buried in his hand. “I’m happy to finally see you loosening up and trying new things.”

“We didn’t have sex,” Negan responded drawing Joel to drop his hand and stare out at him. “I mean, we had sex, but Joel and I specifically didn’t have sex. I don’t think he’s ready for that yet.”

“Negan,” Y/N snickered knowing that Joel probably wouldn’t be comfortable with sharing those kind of details. But she found herself more amused like Negan was. Negan was kind of right earlier about the whole tight ass thing when it came to Joel. “Stop.”

“There is nothing he should be embarrassed about,” Negan waved his hand about looking to Frank with a shrug of his shoulders. “I don’t like to put a label on myself. If someone is stubborn, powerful, strong willed…I immediately find them interesting. Man, woman…whatever.”

“I knew I liked you,” Frank slurred making Negan snort before arching an eyebrow to Joel who was staring blankly out at him.

“I told you that you were a tight ass,” Negan rumbled getting a huff from Joel.

“I’m not a tight ass,” Joel retorted with a shake of his head. “I’m just a very private person and I promise you this is a discussion we will never hear the end of.”

“So why didn’t the two of you…?” Frank waved his finger back and forth between Negan and Joel.

“Oh, this was the first time the three of us were together in general…” Negan informed Frank making Joel’s hand drop down on top of the table and Negan shrugged dramatically while he continued to eat his breakfast grabbing a piece of bacon from the plate. Negan had Frank’s attention when Negan took a bite from his bacon. “We were just getting used to one another. That’s all. Maybe in time we will all share each other equally, but then there is that one conversation the two of us are going to have to have. Who is comfortable being the top and who wants to be the bottom? You know that’s a very important discussion to have.”

“Negan!” Joel scoffed drawing a wicked smirk to tug at Negan’s lips. “Keep talking about it and there won’t be a second time.”

“Yes sir,” Negan almost mocked, bouncing his eyebrows up and dragging his fingers over his lips like he was zipping them. Reaching out, Y/N grabbed Negan’s wrist while he snickered. Lifting his eyes up, Negan started to whisper acting like that would change things when he talked to Frank. “You’ll have to excuse Joel. He’s very shy.”

Grabbing the biscuit that was on his plate, Joel lazily threw it at Negan watching it hit the center of Negan’s forehead and then land on Negan’s plate. Once Negan realized what Joel had done, his laughter was hearty and rasp.

“No more throwing food,” Bill ordered and Joel’s eyebrows furrow while he glared out at Negan who was very obviously amused. “This is a room that I cherish and I will not have to clean it up because you two are acting like children.”

“I didn’t throw the biscuit,” Negan defended grabbing the biscuit that Joel had thrown at him, breaking a piece of it off and tossing it into his mouth. “Thanks for the extra biscuit, Mr. Miller.”

“Maybe it will go to your tiny little ass,” Joel slurred making Y/N choke and she gazed between the both of them.

“I happen to really like my ass, thank you,” Negan mused with an arrogant expression. Frank looked like he was on top of the world with the way things were turning out and it made Y/N happy. They were like a crazy, ridiculous family here and it made things easier to take for her. “And I think you do too.”

“God,” Joel’s seriousness turned into a laugh when he shook his head and leaned forward at the table trying to gather himself. “I can’t take anything seriously when it comes to you. You are such a teenage boy.”

“And yet you all find me charming,” Negan pointed out breaking off another piece of the biscuit and eating it. Reaching for the biscuit that was originally on his plate, Negan stood up and stretched out to place it on Joel’s plate. The gesture made Joel smile showing that he wasn’t all that mad about everything. “Trust me, you’re going to want the biscuit. Bill did a good job with them.”

“Thank you,” Bill huffed making all of them chuckle as they got settled again. “Can we talk about something serious for a moment and stop this discussion?”

“Please,” Y/N begged knowing that if they kept going, she could only imagine that Joel and Negan would cause some kind of problem that would upset Bill.

“There have been some new developments in things and I would like for the three of you to come down to my secret room after breakfast,” Bill explained to them and the color drained from Negan’s face when he realized that their playful banter was being silenced by the real problem that they had been facing since Y/N’s birthday. “I have some news and we need to decide what we want to do.”

“Sounds good,” Joel piped in, straightening his posture to eat his breakfast and while the rest of them ate, it left Y/N feeling stressed about the whole thing.

Being at Bill’s was a nice escape. It was the first time she had felt safe and she was with both Joel and Negan. It was nice being with the both of them and not have to worry, but she knew that would never last forever. Joel had his family he had to get back to, so she was sure that he would be eager to hear the news, but it actually scared her because she knew she would be closer to losing the two things that made her feel safe. Hell, even Bill and Frank made her feel safe. And she knew that she would have to lose them eventually too.

That announcement really killed the playful and silly tone making everyone quiet while they ate. They seemed to linger on a bit maybe worried about what Bill was going to tell them. Once they were done eating, Joel and Negan helped clean up and before long they were all in Bill’s bunker surrounding him while he sat before the computer.

“So I have been working this whole time you’ve been here whether it seems like it or not and I figured I would give you some updates,” Bill rubbed his hands together pulling up an article that featured her father talking about his run for governor. “The media started to harass your father about you being missing from the public eye. Your father lied and told the media that he placed you in special protection at a location only he knew with your friend Poppy.”

“Of course he did,” she swallowed down hard feeling her throat go dry at the thought of her father lying in order to look good to the press. What made it worse was that her father knew that Poppy was dead. Hell, her father cleaned the whole thing up to keep his image clean and she had no idea what he did with Poppy’s body. Or if he even told her family. “Why am I not surprised to hear that?”

“The media also started circulating rumors that Ezekiel Sutton had something to do with the original shooting,” Bill explained to them pulling up another article about the man that was running against her father. “I’ve done strenuous research on this Ezekiel man and he seems to be squeaky clean. A very good man. Even when I did research on the three of you, I was able to find things. This guy, he’s very by the book. Does a lot of good for his community.”

Well that matched up with what Poppy originally told them about Ezekiel when they first heard about the news.

“There is no way this guy has anything to do with the bounty on your head,” Bill pointed out at Y/N and he sighed when he turned to look at the computer again. “I haven’t been able to find out who exactly is responsible. I’ve tried everything but they were very careful. The only thing that continues to tie down to this person is that address I told you about. The one that was given to every single hit man that they hired.”

“That’s all you’ve managed to do in this time?” Joel snorted making Bill glare back at Joel in response. Sliding his hands down to his hips, Joel stood in a way that showed he was angry. “What the hell are we supposed to do with an address Bill? We’re supposed to find out who is doing this.”

“I spent days trying to figure something out, but whoever this person is they are hidden. Very hidden. So instead I’ve been spending my time doing other things,” Bill explained rubbing his hands together and sighing loudly. “I have a plan. A plan to drag out the person behind this whole thing. I’ve studied this relentlessly. My plan is solid, but it’s dangerous.”

“How so?” Negan cleared his throat stepping forward trying to gaze over the things that were on Bill’s computer.

“Because the only people that can do this are the five of us,” Bill answered Negan showing the discomfort that was in his features. Y/N’s lips parted and she felt like the world was spinning around her. “I told myself that I wouldn’t get involved with this. That I didn’t want to put myself or Frank at risk, but with the three of you being here…”

“You’re like family,” Frank finished for Bill placing his hand in over Bill’s shoulder to show that they both supported the decision that Bill had made. Dropping her head, there was an ache at the center of her chest and she felt her eyes tearing over. “We’re going to do what we can to help.”

“How can the five of us resolve this?” Y/N was curious knowing that she didn’t want to put the lives of the people in that room at risk.

“There is no other way to get solid, hardcore proof about who is doing this unless I make it happen,” Bill replied pulling out all the notes and maps that he had drawn out for them. Everything that he had pulled out made both Negan and Joel overwhelmed. “I came up with a plan, but in making this plan I was certain to know the ins and outs of everything. Plus, I have one final detail I will tell you about when we agree to doing this whole thing.”

“What’s the plan you have to make this thing work?” she quipped making Bill stand up as he motioned the rest of them to move forward.

“I have looked at the blueprints of the building the address leads to. I know everything there is to know about the whole building,” Bill showed them the blueprints of the warehouse that went along with the address people were sent when hunting Y/N. “I also know the surrounding area. I have the phone number that texts these men they send after you. I have this cell phone that I made untraceable. It’s completely anonymous.”

Bill reached for the cell phone holding it up in the air for them to see, “I’m going to text them and tell them that I was a hacker and I knew what they were doing. I’m going to tell them that I was able to do what no one else was able to and I tracked you down. I’m going to tell them that I killed all three of you. We’ll get Frank to help us stage a photo to prove it. Then I will go to the location to meet up with the person offering the bounty. I’ll request only to have the man in charge. I’ll wear a camera…” Bill reached for something else handing her over the small camera that he would be able to hide in his clothing. “I’ll make sure to get them to talk and get the proof that is needed. That way we can take them down. It’s the only way. I’ll have one of my work trucks not far off in the distance and I will have Frank controlling the footage to make sure he captures everything. I’ll put an earpiece in so we can still talk to each other and you are aware of everything happening.”

“I can’t ask you to do that,” she immediately dismissed the plan knowing that it could cause them to get hurt. Bill grunted in frustration, but she didn’t care. Folding her arms out in front of her chest, she knew that she didn’t want those she cared about put in harm’s way. “Bill, you wanted nothing to do with this. It’s putting everything on you and you shouldn’t put your life at risk for me.”

“I haven’t done something good for anyone in a very long time. I’m a selfish man,” Bill muttered, his eyes lowering down to the ground before he shrugged. “This is the first time in my life where I can use my talents for something good. Save someone. Help you live a normal life. Well, at least a life not like this in fear of leaving and being happy.”

“What are we supposed to do?” Negan questioned firmly, pulling Bill’s attention from Y/N. “Joel and I are here.”

“Well, I’m going to need backup in case something goes wrong,” Bill explained pointing over to the wall of guns and traps that he had. “I can rig up certain parts of the building with explosive devices if we need them. Frank will have complete control over that. He’ll know what to do if he needs to be in control. The two of you can wait in the van in case I need backup. Hopefully, everything goes to plan and we don’t need backup. Maybe this person is stupider than he seems. We can get all we need on this camera and then we can take it to someone. Let the world see. But there is the chance that things go wrong. So I’ll need you both there just in case.”

“And what about me?” Y/N blurt out making all of them huff. “What am I supposed to do?”

“You stay right here,” Bill answered with a grumble. “You watch from here. You are who they are after. You being there is going to do nothing but put you in danger. So the four of us will go there together and handle everything.”

“Joel and Y/N will stay here,” Negan interrupted them, his eyebrows furrowing when he shrugged his shoulders. “I’ll go. I’m a better fighter than Joel anyways. I’m good with a gun. My precision is on point. We don’t need Joel getting hurt when he has a family.”

“Fuck you, I told you I was in this until the end,” Joel snarled getting a glare from Negan in the process. “I told Y/N that I would protect her. Bill and Frank are my friends and you…I…care about you. I’m not going to put my friend’s in harm’s way and just stay back picking my ass. I reckon you’re a fool if you think that’s how things are going to go.”

“There has to be another way,” she reasoned with Bill who shook his head and bit back on his cheeks showing the tension in his jawline. “Then I have to go too. I can’t just sit back and let something happen to the rest of you.”

“Then you have to stay in the truck with Frank,” Joel snapped in response giving her a firm stare down. “None of us are going to be okay with you going anywhere near that building when your body is the one that they want.”

“I don’t want her to go at all,” Negan insisted, tension flooding his features showing how worried he was about this whole thing. Moving around the group, she stepped before Negan and reached out to stroke over the side of his face. Cupping her face loosely in his hand, Negan’s hazel eyes narrowed while he stared down at her. “I can’t put you in harm’s way Y/N.”

“And you expect me just to be okay with you and Joel putting yourselves there?” she wondered seeing the way that sadness filled his eyes. “I love you both too much to put you in that situation. We’re a trio. We take care of each other. Remember?”

“This is my job,” Negan’s voice was broken while he whispered, his bottom lip quivering while he stared down at her. “That’s my purpose. It’s been my purpose for a long time. This is something I was made for. Joel has a family. You deserve to have a life and making you come puts you in harm’s way.”

“I’d rather be in harm’s way being extra help than stay here and watch every person who I care about be put in danger and me not being able to do anything,” she whispered, tipping up enough to nuzzle her nose in against his. “I have to come Negan. You heard Bill, this is the only way. Joel can’t live here forever when he has a daughter waiting for him. This has to be done and I refuse to sit here and not be able to help if something happens.”

“I have an armory that we can have our choice from,” Bill piped in knowing that Negan was on edge with the whole idea while Y/N stroked down over the sides of his chiseled jawline. “Frank and Y/N will stay in the work truck together. That’s the only way.”

“I’ll take care of her,” Frank assured them and Negan’s Adam’s apple bounce in this throat. His eyes hadn’t pulled away from her and it was clear that they were damp while he stood before her. “We’re hoping it doesn’t get to anything bad.”

“The plan is just to text the number, provide the picture, go to the location, get the video and then I will provide them with a location to go where your bodies should be. Once we are certain we have the right person, they will go to collect the bodies and we will have the evidence that will put them away,” Bill declared with certainty in his tone. “I’ve thought really hard about this. I’ve put in a lot of work and I think this could work.”

“When were you thinking we were going to do this?” Joel inquired letting out a loud exhale knowing that everyone was tense as it was.

“The quicker the better, right? There are some things we have to go over so it’s either tomorrow or the next day. Today we need to finish our plans so we are completely certain with each other,” Bill answered Joel making him exhale loudly. “So the three of you still have tonight together. We’ll take the picture and then you have all day to be together.”

“I have to trust Bill here Negan,” Joel gazed back at Negan who seemed incredibly pale and unsure about the whole thing. Negan’s lips parted, but nothing came out except for a long exhale. “I reckon it’s the only way to make for certain that we’re all safe. That my daughter is safe. Then Y/N can live a real life instead of always being on the run.”

“It’s not the idea that I have a problem with,” Negan restated with a sigh, his eyes falling to Y/N again. “I just would feel better knowing that you and Y/N were safer here. I have nothing to lose, but the two of you…”

“We’re not leaving,” Joel asserted stepping forward to break the stare that Negan had on Y/N. “We’re a trio and you know that.”

“I do,” Negan cleared his throat, his Adam’s apple bouncing in his throat before his jaw clenched. Negan gave them a nod and slowly released her, stepping back to lower his head and push his hands into his pockets.

It was hard not to stare at Negan with how emotional he seemed to be over things. Bill was going through the process of what he was going to do for them. By the time that Bill was preparing to take their photo to ‘prove’ that they were dead, Frank was doing the makeup. Frank was so good at it in fact that when it was time for them to lay down to take the photo Negan started to lose it just a bit.

“I’m sorry, I can’t do this,” Negan walked away from the group from where Joel was seated on the ground outside waiting for them to prepare. Pacing through the backyard, Negan lowered down and buried his head in his hands. The sound of feet approaching were heard and he looked back over his shoulder to see that both Y/N and Joel were coming to check on him. “I’m sorry, it’s just too realistic and this…this is not the way that I want to see either one of you.”

“It’s not real Negan,” Joel held up his hand to show the fake blood. “We’re okay.”

“I know it’s not real, but the idea that this could turn out to be what everyone is like is a real possibility,” Negan stood up from the ground letting out a shuddering breath when he saw the fake slashed throat that they had given Y/N. “It’s too real.”

“That’s the point friend,” Bill stepped in beside them and he could see that Negan was truly having a very hard time with this. “We have to make them believe it in order for them to react. I need the big dog to meet me Negan and this is the only way. I need you to get it together if only for just a few minutes.”

With an uncomfortable nod, Negan was led toward the area where they were setting up the photo. Bill had set it up like he had dragged the bodies to a certain area in the woods and was going to leave them there for someone to pick up. It took a lot of coaching, but eventually they were able to get something that Bill thought he could work with.

Because of how uncomfortable Negan was, they were all quick to cleanup. Both Joel and Y/N tried to talk Negan through things. After they got cleaned up, they went downstairs where Bill had already prepared the text he was going to send explaining that he was a hacker that got wind of what they were doing and instead of waiting to be asked he took initiative and handled their problem for them. He stressed wanting the money and when everything looked okay, they agreed to send the message. It took a while but by the time the number that was accountable for the hit being sent out responded, Bill was right. It was proof that they wanted. Which Bill followed up with the picture that he took. It seemed like forever that they waited before Bill received a text back with the address to the location they knew about along with a time. Nothing more. Nothing less. It was happening tomorrow night which didn’t give them much time. It was all starting to feel too real.

To try to make things more comfortable, Bill suggested they have a barbeque party which meant that they cooked some things up on the grill while Frank put some music on. No one was really eager to eat. Probably from being nervous, but it didn’t stop them from having a few drinks and talking. Well most of them. Negan was silent. Still pale as can be. Seemingly lost inside of himself.

“Come here,” Joel set his beer bottle down on the table that was outside reaching for Y/N’s hand. Accepting his hand, she allowed Joel to pull her up into his arms toward the center of the yard. Looking down to her feet, she knew that she was barefoot which made her shorter than she usually was in comparison to Joel and it made her smirk. It was dark outside with the stars shining bright above them. With the music that Frank had put on, Joel pulled Y/N close to him and started moving to the music.

“I think this is the first time you’ve ever danced with me,” she informed him with a sigh looking up at him with curiosity in her eyes. “You know you don’t have to do this, right?”

“Of course,” Joel whispered with a simple nod. “I don’t have to do anything. This is something I want to do. Something I need to do. For all of us.”

“I don’t know what’s going to happen Joel,” she spoke quietly feeling her throat tensing up as she thought of what to say to him. All she knew is that she was afraid of what the results of tomorrow would be. Turning slightly away from the three others, she wanted to have a bit of a private moment with Joel. His brown eyes hooked with hers and she could sense that he was worried about her expression. “I just want you to know that no matter what I appreciate everything you have done for me. Thinking about you at the beginning of this and what you are now, I hate to admit it but I’ve shared some of my best memories here with you. I want you safe and back home with your little girl. I love you, Joel Miller. Nothing will ever change that. I’ve loved you since I first laid eyes on you, but the man you are now? You’re everything and more.”

“I love you,” he repeated back, sliding his hand up to caress over the side of her face with his rough fingertips. Hearing Joel Miller tell her that he loved her? Now that’s everything she had wanted for almost two years now. It was bittersweet really. Since they had started whatever it was that they had, Y/N always wanted Joel to love her. Just to hear those words would have been incredible. But it took her almost dying for Joel to realize that he cared about her and that he loved her. She wished it wouldn’t have been so extreme to make him change his mind. So in a way it made her happy, but at the same time sad. At this point they could have been having a relationship like this all along. Instead, it took something extreme such as the threat of her being killed to make him realize how he felt. The sweeping of Joel’s thumb over her jawline broke her from her thoughts. With a weak smile she sighed and dropped her eyes, but he urged her to look back at him. “Where did you go?”

“I was just thinking about everything,” she was honest, but not exactly with what she was thinking about. “Tomorrow is a lot to process.”

“Best to think of right now. We’ll make everything work,” Joel assured her and she wondered if he really believed that. Did he think that they would make everything work? Because she was fucking terrified, but she knew there was no other option at this point. Wrapping his arms around her to pull her in closer to his chest, Joel pressed a loving kiss against her forehead while dancing to the music. “I promise, I’ve got you. I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Silence surrounded them. She heard his steady heartbeat and she closed her eyes taking in the moment. Hearing Joel whistle made her pull her head back to see that he was waving his fingers at Negan who was staring out at them from where he was seated by Bill and Frank. His right foot was propped up on the side of the table, a beer bottle in his hand while he seemed to stare out lost in his own head.

“Negan,” Joel called out to Negan, finally breaking him from whatever it was he was thinking about. “Why don’t you come over here and dance with us?”

“I’m okay,” Negan grumbled from where he was seated, waving his hand about in the air. “Enjoy yourselves. I’m just going to…sit.”

“Come on,” Joel egged Negan on, tossing one of his arms up in the air and Negan shook his head. Since Bill told them their plan, Negan had been lost and quiet. It was clear that he hated this whole thing and he was the one that was most on edge about the whole plan. With a whisper, Joel’s lips grazed her ear when he began to speak up. “I don’t know how to help him.”

“I think this is how he handles things. He’s very goofy, immature and silly, but when something is big, he gets serious,” she explained what she knew to be true about Negan. It made her think back to when Lucille was sick and this was how Negan often was. Panicked, deep in thought. Unfortunately she had seen him like this before. And she was worried about him too. “I think we’re all scared. We’re just doing our best to pretend that everything is okay and we know it’s not.”

“We have to think positive though. Going into things with a negative outlook helps no one,” Joel reminded her with a frown making her nod her head. Lowering down, Joel brought their lips together for a quick, faint kiss that made her eyes come to a tight close. “After this whole thing…I think we should work on us.”

“Probably not the best idea to plan ahead,” she suggested causing a frown to flood over his handsome features. “I’m serious Joel. We can talk about things, but it doesn’t make sense to do it now because we have no idea what will come next. All I can say is that I’m happy about what we’ve had here. What we have now. I’m thankful for it and I’m glad we’ve gotten to share these moments together.”

“You’re sounding like Negan,” Joel pointed out with a tip of his head hearing the music getting more upbeat and his movements stopped while he looked down at her.

“We have to be logical here Joel. We don’t know what is going to happen and I don’t know how you will feel if we make it through this whole thing,” she knew that he seemed sincere about his feelings, but it there was ever a chance at a life after this she didn’t know if he would want to be with her when he had his family. He had stressed before in the past that she wasn’t safe for his family. Right now he was just emotional and sentimental and she understood it.

“Joel, it’s your turn to help me clean up,” Bill called out making Joel grumble something under his breath. Drawing his thumb over her bottom lip, Joel lowered back down to steal a kiss from her before following Bill toward the house to help him clean things up.

When Negan noticed that they would be alone for a minute, he set his beer down and stood up from where he was seated meeting her halfway. Pushing his hands into his pockets, Negan’s Adam’s apple bounced in his throat when he nodded over toward the side of the house, “Can we talk for a minute? I have something on my mind and I need to get it off my chest.”

“Of course,” she nodded holding her hand out to him. Smirking, Negan accepted her hand and followed her to the side of the house so the two of them could have a bit of privacy. Once they were there, Negan’s thumb stroked over the back of her hand and he sighed loudly. “What is it?”

“I’ve been thinking about tomorrow,” Negan announced, a shuddering exhale falling from his throat. “There is a big chance that something could go wrong tomorrow. In fact, with our luck it’s more likely to happen that way. I just,” Negan paused, his lips parting and his saddened hazel eyes locking with hers, “If something happens where you have to pick between Joel or me…if you only have a choice to save one of us, I want you to save Joel.”

“Stop,” she blew off what he was saying, stepping forward to place her free hand in over his chest. “It’s not going to get to that.”

“It might,” Negan pushed the topic, his jaw clenching when he tried to get her to realize this might not end up the way that they all wanted. “You have to understand that I will do my best to keep all of us safe, but if we end up in a situation where it is me or him…” Negan got choked up at the thought giving her a small nod, “I want you to pick him. Joel has a family. He has a daughter waiting at home for him. And you love him.”

“I love you too,” she reminded him and his eyebrows furrowed. He had to force himself to look away from her because he was obviously getting emotional. “You can’t ask me to pick between the two of you in a moment like that.”

“I’m not asking you to pick Y/N, I’m telling you what to do,” Negan corrected her, his hazel eyes suddenly fierce and determined. “I’m willing to die for the both of you if I have to. Joel has a family waiting for him at home. I’ve got nothing. The only thing I’m living for…is you.”

“Negan,” she muttered his name feeling her chest ache at the last statement he made and she stepped in closer to him. “That’s not true.”

“It is,” Negan countered, his throat tensing up and the veins in his neck showing clearly with the tension that he was feeling. “Y/N, I’m only here because of you. You’re everything to me. I love you. Protecting you is what I’m meant to do. Without you I have nothing. I am nothing without you. If I die, I leave nothing behind. If something happens to Joel, he has a daughter that needs him. So I need you to promise me that if it gets down to it, you do what you have to do.”

“If you die, you leave me behind,” she reminded him reaching out to shove into the center of his chest making him grunt with the hit. Almost immediately she regretted it knowing that he was still healing from all the injuries that he had already experienced in this time with her. There were tears building up in her eyes while she stood before him. “If something happens to you, I don’t want to be here anymore. There have been two constants in my life for as long as I can remember. Poppy…and you. You’ve always been there for me and I’m not about to lose you. I refuse to make a choice like that. I would do anything to protect the both of you.”

“Listen to me,” Negan stepped forward cupping her face in his large hands trying to get her to focus. “I’m not saying I want to die. I just know that Joel makes you happy and you love him. And he has a family. I’ve got nothing. I just live for you.”

“And you’re going to keep living for me,” she tugged at the edges of the jacket that he was wearing pulling him in closer to her. “The only reason I’ve made it this long is because of you Negan. I wouldn’t know what to do without you. I love you.”

“And I love you too which is why I’m saying this Y/N,” Negan tried to explain with a broken tone showing that they were both getting emotional from the whole thing. “I would do whatever it took to keep you safe. Anything.”

“Then keep me safe,” she pulled him in closer to her causing him to huff when he could see that tears were sliding down her face. “Don’t let what you’re saying happen. You’ve always saved me. You were always saving me. Long before this whole thing started. When I needed someone, you were always there for me. So don’t you dare give up. Because I will never forgive you Negan Smith.”

“I don’t want to give up,” Negan shook his head lowering down to press his forehead to hers. The idea of losing Negan was upsetting her so much that she was tremoring before him while he brushed his fingers through her hair. “I just love you so much that…”

“Then stop,” she begged of him lifting her head up, sliding her hands in over the sides of his neck. “If you love me, if I mean anything to you, you will make sure that after tomorrow you are still here with me. Because I love you and I need you. I need you Negan.”

“Y/N,” he frowned shaking his head only to have her pull him down to kiss her passionately drawing him step forward closer to her. The taste of their tears lingered over their lips while he kissed her over and over again. Breathing against her lips, he nuzzled his nose in against hers and felt her clinging tightly to him. “I can’t promise you that.”

“I can’t lose you Negan,” she whimpered making his hazel eyes get even sadder while he looked down at her. Stroking her fingers through his hair, she felt the world spinning around her at the idea of Negan being gone. “I need you to promise me…”

“I can’t promise you something I have no control over,” Negan declared with a frown hating that she was crying and upset. “I don’t want to leave you, I don’t. I’m not scared of death Y/N. I’ve faced it more times than I care to admit. It’s not the idea of dying that I’m afraid of. Trust me, the thing I’m the most afraid of is being somewhere and not having you. Whether it’s alive or dead. Losing you is the thing that scares me the most in this world and the last thing I want to do is leave you…”

“Then please be Negan. Be the man that I know can accomplish anything,” she begged of him making him sigh loudly while she stroked her fingers over the back of his neck. “I’ve already lost my best friend. Don’t make me lose the most important person in my life.”

With a shuddering breath, Negan brought their mouths together in a passionate lingering kiss that made her lips part. They were both emotional, desperate to be near one another. Reaching between them, she unhooked his belt swiftly working it open. Looking down, he was surprised that she was doing that, but he didn’t reject her. Grunting out, he felt her shoving the material of his pants down his hips just below his bottom. Watching her struggling to get her pants down, he helped her get one of her legs out of her pants before reaching down to pick her up in his arms and pressing her carefully against the house.

“I love you so much Negan,” she breathed against his lips, stroking her fingers through his dark hair when he reached between them to bring their bodies together making them both let out muted moans with his lips hovering over hers.

“I love you more than you will ever know,” Negan grunted against her lips, making sure to keep them close. This was more about the passion, the emotion of the moment and less about sex. It was about them and their connection, their bond.

With soft cries, she clung tightly to Negan’s shoulders eager to have him near while he rolled his hips up toward her again and again. Sinking her fingers into his hair, she was eager to bring their lips together to kiss him. The salty taste of their tears still lingered over their lips while Negan’s fingers grasped tighter to the back of her thighs with every movement they made. In the strength of Negan’s arms she always felt safe and the way he whispered sweet nothings to her always made her feel phenomenal.

“I love you so fucking much,” Negan whispered against her lips, his forehead pressing to hers when the sound of his breathing got louder. Their movements were steady and fluid, their connection strong with their constant kisses and locking of their eyes. “You are everything to me.”

Nuzzling her nose in against his, she was in awe of the way they breathed together. Even in a moment like this Negan was still managing to be romantic and sweet with her. Stroking her fingers through the short stubble beard that covered his face, she knew that life would feel pointless for her without Negan in it. It wasn’t a life she wanted to even picture. Claiming his mouth again in a kiss, she could feel her body tensing up with him moving beneath her. This wasn’t something they wanted to draw out, it was just an emotional moment that overcame the both of them. The rhythmic, deep plunges he made had her panting against his lips.

“Negan,” she cried out against his mouth, her eyes slamming shut when a liquid rush of warmth flooded her veins. Negan’s muted moans rumbled against her flesh, nibbling at her bottom lip when she felt him throbbing inside of her. His thrusts were slowing down when he reached that euphoric moment with her. Her whole body was hot when Negan’s movements came to a complete halt, his mouth pressing loving kisses against the side of her neck over her jawline and toward her lips. Dragging her hand down over the side of his face, she pressed her forehead to his and cleared her throat. “Where you are meant to be is right here with me.”

The sound of the trashcans knocking over were heard making them both look to the side to see that Frank was standing before them. Negan’s moan turned into a panicked groan. Attempting to turn Y/N away from Frank, they both separated with Negan pulling his pants up over his hips while she tried to get her pants on correctly.

“I am so sorry, that looked and sounded very nice though,” Frank commented making both of them turn red and Y/N dropped her head forward to rest it against the center of Negan’s chest. “I was going to ask if you two wanted dessert, but I’m gonna guess no?”

“Sure, we’ll have dessert,” Negan sighed, his heart pounding inside of his chest when he wrapped his arms around Y/N’s shoulders to pull her close to him. “Bring us whatever you want Frank.”

“Wonderful,” Frank shot them a smile, gazing between the two of them. “Take your time, okay?”

Once he was gone, Negan brought his stare back to her and she shook her head, “How long do you think he was there?”

“Probably most of the time,” she responded making Negan snicker and roll his eyes before nuzzling his nose in against the side of her neck. “Poppy would have fucking loved him.”

“She would have,” Negan agreed with her leaning back enough to stare down at her. Stroking his thumb over her jawline, he sighed and gave her a nod. “You understand that you mean everything to me, right? I would do anything for you. I promise you that. But I need to put your life first. Always.”

“Hey,” Joel’s voice pulled them away from each other making them look over to see that he was standing by the side of the house with three plates. “We have some dessert. Better come eat it because we’re gonna need some sleep after this I reckon.”

“Sure,” Negan stammered, reaching out to hook his arm around Y/N’s shoulders to bring her forward so they could go back with Bill and Frank to have their dessert. More than anything she wanted to press the topic further with Negan, but she knew that she couldn’t. The rest of them were trying to enjoy their time together, so she did it as well. But she had that need to want to be close to Negan and to hold onto him somehow.

They probably stayed up later than they should have, but when everyone was ready for bed it was extremely quiet. When they got upstairs for bed, none of them changed into their sleeping clothes. They just crawled into bed together and she laid between both Joel and Negan who seemed to want to comfort her together.

Being held by the both of them felt comforting and safe, but the thought did linger that this could be the last night that this would ever be possible for her. And that terrified her.

----

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#Joel Miller #Negan #Jeffrey Dean Morgan #Pedro Pascal #The Walking Dead #The Last of us #Negan x reader #joel miller x reader #negan fanfiction #joel miller fanfiction

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