#‘it was hard. it was so hard’ IM IN A PUDDLE OF MY OWN TEARS

[lovedazai]

panels that make my tummy hurt

#⸝⸝˚₊💬﹕mai speaks #reread the last volume of beast n ruined my own day #when dazai goes from having the biggest smile n sparkly eyes talking to oda #to his face absolutely crumbling when oda pulls out his gun #‘it was hard. it was so hard’ IM IN A PUDDLE OF MY OWN TEARS #currently trying to tape my heart back together

[urfriendlywriter]

25 delicate things lovers do that i adore:

(feel free to use!! 8, 10, 11, 18, 20, AND 21 PLSS???? *crying* yall better tag me when u write any of these?? got it??)

gazes lingering on each other

glancing away quickly when you catch them staring

finding excuses to hold your hand

delicate, slow and soft soft kisses >\\<

smiling excessively, naturally and so easily around you :`>

hands cupping your face before a kiss

the feeling they're left with after the kiss

the giddy feeling you're left with after the kiss. (yall's toaster waterproof??? :) )

picking you up and twirling you when they're excited

somebody taking an off-guard picture of you staring at each other, completely-in-love

glowing in their presence. ( im so sad )

feeling comfortable together in silence

smiling, listening keenly whenever the other rants

their eyes try to find yours whenever they hear you in crowded areas

"you're staring" "you're glowing, my love, of course i will." :)

giving small thoughtful compliments

dancing in the rain together [CRYING]

a third person saying, "no matter where they are, they're always together and in their own world."

resting their forehead against yours

shoulder kisses!!! kisses on the nape [ㅜㅜ in tears rn lmao]

the shy person initiating to kiss first!!!

touching your lips where they kissed you hard. (CAN SOMEONE KISS ME UNTIL IM A PUDDLE-)

hugs in the dark, hugs under a tree, hugs in the rain, running into their open arms and hugging them tight>>>>

placing kisses on their scars :(

waking up to a small breakfast and a note written by them before they left for the day <333

#writer prompts #otp prompts #romance writing #dialogue prompts #imagine your otp #writeblr #writing prompts #romance prompts writing #urfriendlywriter #romance tropes #soft prompts for lovers #soft dialogue prompts #soft prompts #soft gestures #showing love #love prompts #love prompts that melted me #romantic dialouge prompts #romantic tropes #romantic gestures #physical gestures #adorable gestures #gestures that shows love #gestures that says i love you #writing ideas #writing prompt #otp dialogue #otp ideas #imagine your characters #otp writing

[todayisawthewhxlewxrld]

"you act like you just saw a Ghost."

"all your games, all your lies"

synopsis// satoru gojo is horrible at pranks.

pairing// satoru gojo x gn! reader

word count// 1.3k

contents// the prank in question is playing dead, maybe borderline hurt/comfort?, angst maybe but regardless there's a happy ending?

notes// this is how im coping. gege is just punking us that's all. i also just thought this was such a stupid oneshot idea i love it i think im such a fucking comedian for this. but this is kinda (very) half-assed... anywho it was inspired by the song ghost by fefe dobson (dont play with me rn.)

"Satoru, I'm home!” 

When you get no response, you find yourself gazing about your eerily empty home. You hum to yourself. Odd. Satoru usually greets you right at the door.

“Satoru?” You call out again, trying to ignore how your anxiety rises as you slowly enter your bedroom.

Red immediately floods your vision; it’s everywhere. It’s on the walls, it’s on the bedsheets, it’s on the floor—there’s practically no place left untouched by the liquid. You swallow harshly and make a point to not step into the liquid that seems a little too similar to blood for comfort, albeit the task is to no avail because it's everywhere.

“Sato-“

Your voice dies in your throat the minute you see him on the ground. Satoru is laying there lifeless, covered in blood. There's no rise or fall of his chest, only an empty, vacant stare in his glossed-over eyes. You freeze. For far longer than you should have.

This isn't real.

This can't be.

There's no way Satoru is laying here dead, in a puddle of his own blood. You inhale harshly, not even aware you were holding your breath in the first place, as you drop down to your knees and crawl the rest of your way toward him, oblivious to the fact that you're now coated in just as much blood as he is. The moment you're by his side, It all hits you at once. Holy shit, Satoru is laying here in a puddle of his fucking blood. You hesitantly shake him.

“Satoru?”

You wait a second to see if he’ll say anything or do anything—even a twitch of his fingers would suffice, but nothing.

"Satoru, please,” you say, desperation flooding your voice as you shake him harder.

When nothing happens again, you shake him once more, but this time you don't stop. You simply keep shaking him, hoping that if you shake him hard enough, he’ll do something to prove he’s still alive.

"Satoru, this isn't funny." Your breathing is labored as panic fully seeps into your veins. "Satoru, wake the fuck up!” You slap his face, only for his head to merely loll to the side.

And that was the last straw. Suddenly you're thrown into a sob so violent it racks your whole body, shaking as you can do nothing but rest your head on his chest and sob for him to wake up, to stop messing around because this isn't funny, to just please wake up, yet he doesn't. You don't notice how his chest is starting to contract; you're sobbing so hard that you think it's just you who’s making him move, when suddenly a loud choke of laughter rings in your ears. You sit up immediately, still ugly-crying as you look down at Satoru, who is currently finding something absolutely hilarious.

Oh, you’ve lost it.

You’ve actually lost it; here you are hallucinating that your dead boyfriend is laughing.

Satoru wipes imaginary tears from his eyes. “Oh my god,” he says between laughs, “you should’ve seen your face!”

You blink at him, tears still freely flowing, as you lean back down and place your head against his chest.

“Whatcha doing?” 

“Shut the fuck up.” 

Satoru goes stiff but does as he’s told, and when you can hear his heart beating rhythmically, thumping perfectly fine as all hearts should, you grow cold, like maybe you’re the one who was actually dead a few seconds ago. You sit back up.

“Gonna tell me what you were doing now or-“

His sentence is interrupted by you abruptly standing up and screeching in a fit of anger, or maybe more so, betrayal, “You fucking asshole!”

Satoru, clearly taken aback, scrambles to stand up along with you, holding his hands out in front of him placatingly. "Woah, woah, babe, calm down-"

“Calm down?” You snap, staring at him with an animosity he’s never seen from you before. "Don't tell me to calm down when I thought you were just fucking dead!”

He sheepishly glances down at the fake blood-covered floor. “It was just a prank..."

“Fuck you!” And you snap, thrown head first into another sobbing fit, wrapping your arms around yourself in a pitiful attempt to comfort yourself while you babble incoherently: "I don't—I can't."

Satoru’s heart breaks right inside his chest, and he doesn’t think he’s ever regretted anything more than his stupid idotic antics right now. He can't bear to see you like this; this might actually kill him. He can't take it. He can't take knowing that he’s the entire reason you're in this state in the first place. He takes a step closer, opening his arms up to hug you, and you flinch away from him the moment you notice.

"Don't touch me, Satoru.”

Satoru frowns, ignoring the tears stinging his eyes and the burning sensation of rejection that encompasses him whole. He thinks—no, he knows—that whatever he could say right now wouldn't help, but maybe giving you some space will, so he steps back and clears his throat. "I'm gonna go shower.”

You sniffle and turn away from him, brusquely waving him off. “Do whatever you want."

 ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★ 

Satoru walks out of the bathroom with one towel in hand, drying his hair, and finds you sitting on the edge of the bed. He can’t help but notice the new sheets laid out and how the room is squeaky clean, quickly realizing you were left with the unfortunate task of cleaning up the last remaining remnants of his prank as he showered. You finally notice him in the doorway, but you hardly even spare him a glance.

“Are you still mad at me?” he asks as he makes his way toward you, tossing the towel on the floor before taking a seat next to you.

“You’re an asshole.”

"I know, I'm sorry,” he mumbles as he subtly scoots in closer toward you, and when you don’t bother moving away, he draws you into his arms, your back to his chest as he places his head on your shoulder. "I just wanted to play a prank on you.”

You stay stiff, refusing the innate need to melt into him. “You’re horrible at pranks.”

He buries his face in the crook of your neck and mumbles, "I know that now.”

You hum curtly, ignoring the shivers down your spine—though your resolve is very quickly turning nonexistent, you’ve never been anything but putty in his hands.

Satoru places chaste kisses against your neck, murmuring, “How long are you gonna torture me for?”

“Till you've thought about your actions.”

He pulls away from you and twists your body around so that you’re face-to-face. “I have! I thought about them the whole time in the shower.” He leans in and nudges his nose with yours, whispering, "I'm sorry.”

You stare at him blankly for a moment before sighing, your entire body sagging in relief as you finally give in to your desires and close the distance between you two. Satoru, overjoyed with the fact you’re kissing him, can’t help but return the favor with vigor. Each kiss is followed by him mumbling, "I'm sorry," and it goes on for god knows how long—though you don’t really care, you just care that he is alive, that he is kissing you, that he is here, and it was just a very poor, poor prank that hopefully he’ll never do again—no, a prank you’ll make sure he never does again. You take back the initiative and kiss him deeply, taking his bottom lip between your teeth that has a whine escaping Satoru’s mouth before it transforms into a full-on wince of pain from you biting him.

He pulls away abruptly, his fingers darting up to cradle his bottom lip. “Ow! What the hell was that for?”

You stare up at him innocently, even going as far as tilting your head to the side like you’ve done nothing wrong at all—though your facade is quickly shattered when you lean back in and Satoru instinctively leans back, but you grab him by the back of his neck, forcing his head in place harshly, whispering through a menacing smile, “If you ever pull something like that again, Satoru Gojo, I will personally make sure that you die by my hands.”

“…Noted.”

©TODAYISAWTHEWHXLEWXRLD

#gojou satoru x reader #gojo satoru #gojo satoru x gender neutral reader #gojo satoru x reader #gojo x reader #gojo oneshot #gojo fluff #gojo satoru fluff #gojo satoru oneshot #jjk gojo #jujutsu kaisen gojo #jjk x reader #jjk #jujutsu kaisen #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen x gender neutral reader #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen fluff #bimbo's one shots #jjk drabbles #jujutsu kaisen drabbles #bimbo’s one shots; jjk #jjk oneshot #jujutsu kaisen one shot #jjk x gender neutral reader

[pimosworld]

The story of us chapter 3

Pairing -Triple frontier boys x f!reader

Summary-Set before the reader and the boys are officially together and how it all came to be.

CW-18+,MDNI,individual warnings for each chapter.Angst,fluff,comfort,mentions of ptsd,cursing,mlm, brief mention of homophobia,mentions of sex, canon events,we hate tom. Please let me know if I forgot any warnings.

WC-3.7k

Chapter Summary- The boys discuss your future and your past.

Not beta read

Notes-See Masterlist for full story notes

[Series Masterlist]

Chapter III The deal is off

——————————————

The further he gets from your house the more you feel the weight lifting off your shoulders. You glance up at Benny watching his eyes as he makes sure your boyfriend ex gets in his car and drives away. You don’t know if he even realizes he’s rubbing soothing circles on your shoulder to steadily ground himself. 

  “I hope you don’t mind if we stay?” He glances at you with those puppy dog eyes and you can’t resist. 

  “I would be upset if you wanted to leave.” You can feel him relax against you as he breathes a sigh of relief. 

  “Come on honey, let's go inside.” You’re too exhausted to notice him helping you through the most menial task of standing and walking inside your own house. 

  As you enter you see Frankie putting your table where it should be and Will surveying the hole in your wall and Santi…grabbing his keys? Of course he was leaving, all of this was too much. You couldn’t ask him to stay after dealing with your shitty ex. His eyes meet yours and you desperately try to wipe the tears welling in your eyes,putting on the best Im okay smile you can muster. 

  As if he can read your mind he strides over to you with confidence as he pulls you into a tight hug. You can smell his cologne on his neck as he cradles the back of your head with one hand and places a soft kiss on your temple. 

  “Cariño I’m not leaving, I just need to grab something from the truck.” You reluctantly let him go and have a seat on your couch. 

  The events of the last few hours seem like a blur. You have so many questions you need answers too but is now even the right time to ask? What are these feelings you have brewing for the men you’ve known your entire adult life? It has to be the vulnerable state you’re in causing these inappropriate thoughts. You had a boyfriend less than ten minutes ago. A poor excuse for one and frankly seemed like your only option. 

  You’re pulled from your thoughts when Benny plops down next to you and grabs the remote. Frankie sits on the other side of you and pulls you against his broad chest relaxing against the arm rest. Okay so we’re not going to talk about it…that’s fine with me.

  “I’m gonna come fix the hole on Friday, it’s my day off.” Will states as he makes his way to the kitchen to grab some beers from your fridge. You’ve missed the way they all fit into your life so easily. You’re trying your best to choke back the tears that have been threatening to spill since they arrived. 

  Santi toes the door open with his boot as his arms are full of grocery bags. “ I got all your favorites honey.”  You can feel the lump tightening in your throat and your chest constricting-what is happening?

  “Well I know what we’re watching.” Benny smiles at you as he selects the Mummy  your favorite  from the Netflix recently watched list.

  You’re getting hot and they feel too close, it’s all too much. Not addressing the elephant in the room shouldn’t be this hard but it’s making your skin crawl. 

  Will comes over and hands Benny a beer as he gets comfortable on the loveseat. “I think Santi is making you something stronger.” He winks at you and you’re grateful you’re seated because you would have been in a puddle on the floor at that moment. Are they doing this on purpose?

  Santi rounds the couch and sets his beer and your margarita on the coffee table. 

  “You’re in my seat.” 

  “Come on man there are no assigned seats.” Ben whines as he slumps down to the floor in front of you. Always doing as he’s told despite the protests. 

  You’re surely on the verge of a heart attack as the pain surges through your chest. The lump in your throat makes it hard to swallow and you don’t know how long you’ve been holding your breath. 

  Frankie senses too late what is happening as you stiffen against him, your shirt is clinging to you and your breaths have become ragged, you grip his thigh trying to ground yourself as the pressure consumes you. 

  “Honey?” You don’t hear him call you as he leans in, drowned out by your own thoughts of why you deserve this treatment. Too caught up in your self loathing to comprehend that they’re trying to pull you out. 

  Santi hands you a Reese's, your favorite candy. You stare with your palm open like it holds all of life’s answers. The damn breaks as you sob into Frankie’s chest. They’re all staring at you wide eyed and concerned as he consoles you. 

  “Shhh… I know it’s a lot. It’s gonna be ok hermosa.” 

  He knows all too well how it feels when you're drowning above water. No one can see the signs until it’s too late. The feeling like you’re suffocating but you have plenty of oxygen at your disposal. Every breath you take isn’t enough to stop the barrage of tears once they start. 

  “I told you to get sour patch kids.” Ben half whispers to Santi. Your crying turns to laughter and you’re sure they’re convinced you’ve lost your mind. 

  You take a few deep breaths into Frankie’s chest, inhaling his woodsy scent and faintly hearing his coaching your breathing. You can feel the steady rise and the fall of his chest. 

  “Thank you.” You say barely above a whisper. 

  Frankie squeezes your shoulder simultaneously with Santi squeezing your leg. A calm silence falls over the group as the tension recedes from your body. 

  “Sweetheart you don’t have to thank us, you’ve saved us more times than this.” Will…always the voice of reason. “This is our fault.” You open your mouth to protest but he raises a gentle hand. 

  “We’ve let you save us too many times, we’ve become so reliant on you that we failed to see when you needed us.” 

  You don’t really know what to say at this moment so you open your favorite candy and take a bite. It’s never tasted this good. You give Benny the other half as he half bites your finger causing you to giggle. You offer one to Frankie and he happily obliges. 

  “Mmm my guilty pleasure.” The double meaning is lost on you.

  You offer one to Will and your fingers brush as he takes it from you. “Only because you offered.” Ever the gentleman.

  “Before you even offer I’m not eating it.” Stubborn as a mule. 

  “Santiago…if you don’t take it I'm going to cry again.” Not your best tactic but it will surely work. 

  He groans in protest as he takes it from your hand.

  “You have to eat it too.” Frankie barks out a laugh that makes you swell with pride. 

  “That’s my girl.” He whispers in your ear as he squeezes your waist. The barrage of emotions you’re feeling right now can only be described as delirium. 

  “As you wish for cariño.” Santi slowly puts the chocolate in his mouth, not breaking eye contact. The air in the room is leaving for completely different reasons. You are in trouble

Three margaritas deep and your sadness has quickly been replaced by your drunken state. 

  “Please just admit they’re all hot.” 

  “Honey, you say this every time we watch this.” Benny is resting his head on the cushion between you and Frankie. 

  You’re playing with his hair as he leans into your touch. 

  “Tell me…you don’t think they’re attractive?”  The alcohol has you feeling a little bold and relaxed. Something you haven’t felt in weeks. 

  “Oh they’re definitely attractive…so how did you end up with Mike if you find them attractive?” Frankie slaps him in the back of his head as a hush falls over the room. 

  He’s right, how did you end up with him? You can’t even be mad at his question. You can however dish it back.

  “I can’t date all of you and evidently you’re the most eligible bachelors in town…so the rest of us get Mike and people like him.”

  You miss the knowing glances they all send each other as your head slumps back on Frankie’s shoulder.

  You don’t know when you fell asleep or how you ended up tucked into your bed but a sudden panic falls over you at the thought of being alone. That is until you hear the low sounds of the tv still on in your living room and the not so quiet sound of Benny's voice. You can sleep peacefully knowing they would never leave.

  ****

  “Will you lower your voice,you’re gonna wake her up.” Santi bristles at Benny as he emerges from your kitchen with more beers. 

  Benny has had his fair share of tequila and can’t possibly be in control of the octave in his voice. 

  “Listen…all I’m saying is we already spend every moment of our lives together,it wouldn’t be that big a deal.” He’s half whispering and shouting and his brother just rolls his eyes. 

  “No.” Santi deadpans just staring at the tv, anything to take his mind off the ridiculous proposal from Benny. He looks to Frankie for some help but he’s too preoccupied with the animated way Benny is flailing his arms as he talks and he knows he’s lost his comrade to the tequila as well. He’s seen that look in Frankie’s eyes so many times. The look he’s given him when he’s feeling flirtatious. The look you all give each other from time to time.

“I don’t recall you being the boss of me Santiago.” He says in a sing-song tone, Frankie can’t help the giggle that escapes him watching the antics unfold.

  “You’re outnumbered anyway,Frankie was already planning on asking her out and I know my brother is in love with her.” 

  “Leave me out of this.” Will says half asleep from the loveseat. 

  “I would rather have her in my life and be alone than not have her in my life at all if me or any of you idiots broke her heart.” 

  A silence falls over the room as they all ponder what life would be like without you in it. 

  Surprisingly Frankie breaks the silence first before Benny can cause anymore annoyance to his half drunk and sleepy cohorts. 

  “We almost didn’t have her in our lives because of that asshole…so I’m willing to try and see where this goes.”

  Santi huffs a laugh to himself as he runs his hands down his face. “And you’re both gonna be fine with whoever she chooses?” The question on everyone’s minds lingers in the air. 

  “I trust you guys more than anyone and I’d be happier if she was with one of us than some guy I know would break her heart.” Benny always wore his heart on his sleeve,never backing down to defend one of them or you. 

  “Fine…do what you want but when it all blows up in our faces just know I will never forgive you for ruining what he had.”

  Benny leans back against Frankie on the couch, a triumphant grin on his face as he’s lulled to sleep by the rise and fall of his chest. He is so content like this, dreaming of you and finally able to relax for the first time in weeks knowing you’re safe and he has everything he could ever ask for under one roof. 

  It’s settled then, the deal is off.

  ***

10 years ago

  They’re all crowded into the mess hall after another boring day of cleaning and bitch work. The air is thick with tension since they haven’t been on assignment in weeks, not since Frankie’s near death injury. Frankie wasn’t thinking clearly when he was stabbed in the side, he hadn’t properly swept the room…preoccupied with his thoughts after hearing a gunshot close by and wondering if it was Santi or Benny injured. He doesn’t know when things started to shift for him but as the weeks went on he felt more than friendship for his comrades. It nearly got him killed. 

  Frankie’s never been that close to death and Santi has been distant since. The thought of losing him pushed feelings to the surface he’s never felt before. He didn’t know how to handle them, of course he loved his friends and would lay down his life for them but this was something else. He was never good at addressing his feelings and so he ran. He couldn’t physically go anywhere so into his mind he went. 

  It made everyone on edge, Frankie had a sadness in his eyes and Benny wanted to help him anyway he can but he pushed him away. They were all fracturing as though weeks prior they weren’t the closest they’ve ever been. 

  Will constantly snapped at his brother telling him to get his shit together, Tom snapped at all of them for being so caught up in anything besides their jobs. They were acting anything but the special ops soldiers that they were. Too many feelings were involved causing them to implode. 

  “Davis,Garcia,Morales,Millers…report to the briefing room nineteen hundred hours.” The sound of the lieutenant colonel causing a bush to fall over the room. He exits swiftly on his feet in his crisp army fatigues. 

  “Fuck.” Tom says not so quietly “I knew you guys were gonna fuck this up acting all weird.”

  “Fuck you.” Frankie spits back at Tom as he stands with his tray to leave the hall. Santi and Benny can’t hide the grin spreading across their faces. It’s the most he’s said in weeks and they’ll cling to that small gesture if it’s all they can get. 

  Benny looks up at Will and sees the heartbreak in his eyes, he knows that being in delta is everything to him, he wishes he could take it as seriously as his brother does. He hopes things haven’t been ruined for all of them and he vows to try harder for him if they can get a second chance. He mouths a silent “I’m sorry.” To his brother which he returns with a smile and for the first time in weeks Ben feels like he can breathe a little. 

  They’re all silent as they make their way to the briefing room, the unanswered question looming among them. A million thoughts swimming in their head about their future. Would they be disciplined?demoted?discharged? None of it feels right to think about.

  Of course they arrive 15 minutes early, all of them too nervous to wait any longer. As they approach the room a soft voice is heard through the door followed by laughter from the colonel. He’s laughing? They didn’t think the man was capable of anything but surly disposition. They exchange confused glances amongst each other as Tom opens the door first. 

  You’re leaning against the desk with your arms folded across your chest, the crinkle in your eyes and the small dimple in your cheeks is the least distracting thing about you as you laugh at something the colonel said. The standard issue army shirt and pants do nothing to hide your figure and it takes Frankie a moment to realize Tom is the only one seated at the desks. 

  You turn to face them as the four men are left gaping in the doorway like fools. 

  “Have a seat.” The colonel pulls them from their thoughts as you clear your throat and stand at attention in the front of the room. The smile has dropped from your face as you level them with your intense gaze. Intentionally making eye contact with each of them as they move to sit down. 

  Ben awkwardly crashes into Santi causing the desk to scratch against the floor and he hopes the floor would swallow him whole at this moment. 

   They’re the picture of imperfection and the farthest thing from highly trained soldiers, looking at the moment more like highschool teenagers. You drop your head to crack a smile but Will catches the way you clear your throat to disguise the laughter. 

  “Gentleman, this is your new combat medic, I wanted you all to meet and become acquainted before your new assignment next week.” The colonel says your name and Santi is repeating it in his head as many times as necessary so as not to forget, he wasn’t always good with names but he didn’t want to forget yours. 

  Frankie’s mind drifts elsewhere as relief floods him knowing they wouldn’t be disciplined for whatever he thought the military knew about his their situation. He feels a little bad that the previous medic had been discharged but it was her job to try and save their lives in the event something happened. He thought that day may have been his last as he watched her shakily stitch him up and eventually Will moved her out of the way and finished opting for his horrible stitch job and steady hands to hers. 

  “You can talk in here but be back to your quarters before curfew,understood.”

  A resounding yes sir from the group and he’s exiting the room but not before he smiles at you.

  Santi notices and thinks how wildly inappropriate it may have been or maybe his mind was playing tricks on him, but he can’t necessarily blame the colonel for shameless flirting. There was a draw about you that he couldn’t shake. 

  “I’m Sant-

  “Im Fran-

  They begin introductions at once and you can’t help the giggle that escapes you at their eagerness. Santi glares at his friend and Frankie raises his hand in mock surrender. 

  “I’m Santiago Garcia but you can call me pope.”

  “I’m Will and that’s my brother Benny.”

  “I’m Fraancisco Morales but you can call me Frankie.” He blushes slightly and you’re unsure why he would be embarrassed by his name. 

  As if on cue Benny clears his throat “You can call him Fish actually.” Frankie groans and raises his hand to shield his face from you. 

  “I’ll kill you” he mouths to Benny and any nerves you had for this introduction and joining this tight knit group are slowly dissipating. 

  You don’t have the heart to tell them the colonel has already told you as much as he could about each of them and of course that included their names. You knew as much about each of them as a small file could tell you except for the fact that they were distractingly handsome and beautiful.

It’s almost unreal that they all ended up together as if they were some inappropriate military calendar that you could buy at the cheap corner store. Even Tom who has yet to introduce himself had some appeal. 

  “So what are your qualifications?”

  Maybe not 

  “You must be Tom.” He gapes at you unsure of how you knew his name, before he can open his mouth for a reply you raise your hand at him. 

  You walk the short distance to the desk he’s seated at as you place your hands on the front coming almost eye level with him. 

  “I wouldn’t be here if I wasn’t qualified and I certainly don’t need to list my years of experience or accolades to you. The colonel isn’t going to send me home because for some reason you might not like me or deem me to be unfit.”

  It’s embarrassing and Frankie is grateful to whatever god above that your attention is honed in on Tom as he adjusts the growing bulge in his pants at your unwillingness to back down from a challenge. 

  “I’m only going to say this once, when you’re bleeding out from a stab wound or a gunshot, I’m the one you want by your side.” You lean away from the desk as Tom stands to tower over you. You still don’t shy away as he comes toe to toe with you. You could hear a pin drop as they all hold their breath awaiting his response.

  “Honey listen, I’m only going to say this once. I’m the only one in this group that gives orders.” Tom smirks at the rage filling your eyes,hoping he can back you down and thinking he’s successful as you move to  leave the room. You stop just short of the door as you turn on your heels. 

  “If you call me honey again it will be the last time you speak.” He laughs and some of the tension leaves the room as they all let out a breath. 

  “Sure thing honey bee but I don’t know what you think you’re gonna do.” 

  You open the door to leave, throwing a mischievous grin over your shoulder. “Bees do sting you know.” 

  It’s quiet for a moment after you leave, despite Tom's gruff introduction it seems you fit right in. 

  “We need some rules.” Tom says first and Will nods in agreement. 

  “Do not fuck her.” 

  “Jesus Tom who said anything about that.” Frankie should be ashamed for coming back at him so harshly, seeing as though he was having some trouble concealing that he wanted to do just that earlier.

  “That was mostly directed at Pope, but after your little injury I figured we needed to lay down some ground rules.”

  Santi hangs his head, he can’t protest not with the way his reputation was and the fact that he may have inadvertently played a role in Frankie being injured. 

  “He’s right,we need to tighten up and get our shit  together. We can’t have this getting complicated with our lives on the line and I don’t want to lose another medic.” Will always the voice of reason. 

  “Okay but what about after?” Benny is half joking,half serious. Will slaps the back of his head as Frankie tries to conceal his laughter. 

  “No…I don’t care if it’s years down the line, we don’t need to complicate this anymore or ruin any friendships.” It’s the honesty in Santis voice that has Benny and Frankie sure that this is the way it has to be. 

Comments and reblogs are much appreciated

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@luciferiorbxtch @casa-boiardi @alwaysdjarin @meveispunk @littlenosoul @evyiione

#triple frontier x you #triple frontier x reader #triple frontier x fem reader #triple frontier fanfic #tf boys x reader #tfpoly x reader #frankie morales x reader #santiago x reader #will miller x female reader #benny miller x reader #santiago garcia x you #francisco morales #triple frontier imagine #santiago pope garcia #william ironhead miller #frankie morales fluff

[forlorn-crows]

I've just had the most terrible (wonderful) thought. Puppy Mountain / Mean!Dew. Mountain gets away with everything when he's in puppy mode because he is just so damn cute like that but Dew has decided he needs to be more obedient actually.

im supposed to be working on my wips . . .

here, have some good ol' degradation from our resident fire ghoul and a very desperate earth pup

Dew twirls the delicate chain leash in his hand, tugging ever so slightly, just enough to put pressure around Mountain’s throat. His throat bobs underneath the black leather as he tries and fails to swallow the excess saliva in his mouth. 

“Do you think you’ve been a good boy, Mountain?” Dew’s tone is low, commanding. Directive. Mountain looks up at him with wide, tearful eyes, a low whimper falling from his lips. His tail thumps against the hardwood, eager to please. His cock hangs heavy between his folded legs. It kicks a little with Dew’s words, dripping more pre onto the floor. 

Dew sneers. “I don’t think so. I think you’ve been a bad boy.”  He’s sure they make an odd pair to the common eye, but Mountain never feels smaller than when he’s bare, needy, and owned by the fire ghoul. He whimpers again, a weak protest. 

“Think you can get away with anything, don’t you,” he continues, looking him up and down. “Smooth your way out of bad behavior with those big green puppy dog eyes, hm?”

Mountain’s ears pin back low against his head, sheepish. Apologetic. 

Dew tuts. “That doesn’t work on me. Good dogs listen to their masters.” He snaps the leash, waltzing around to the back of Mountain’s huddled form. The fire ghoul drapes the chain over his shoulder and strokes his hair between his horns. It’s not soft or comforting—it’s a petting that exudes pride of ownership. 

“You’ll just have to show me how good you can be.” Obedient is what he means. “I certainly hope you remember all of your tricks, dog.” Mountain whines, shaking his head to attempt to rid of the anxiety creeping up his spine. 

Dew lets out a dark laugh. “Don’t be nervous. You’ll get your reward, in the end.” He leans in close, hot mouth ghosting along the downturned curve of Mountain’s ear. “But only if you listen,” he threatens. The harsh tone goes straight to the earth ghoul’s gut, mouth watering and cock kicking against his stomach. 

Dew steps back and lifts his booted foot, nudging Mountain onto all fours with a swift nudge between his shoulder blades. He scrambles to catch himself before he faceplants, landing hard on his palms. Dew makes his way back to his front; the only view Mountain has of him for a few weighted moments is his well-worn boots placed straight under his nose. 

“Watch me,” Dew commands firmly. Mountain’s face snaps up towards him, wide eyes meeting the fire ghoul’s narrowed ones. They soften subtly at the corners at the earth ghoul’s speedy response. “Good boy,” he smirks, tail snapping behind him. He tilts his head, considering. 

“Sit,” he lilts. Mountain holds his eye contact, utterly loyal. He lowers his haunches and sits back on his heels, hunched over so his hands remain on the ground. 

“Very good.” It’s low, mean, teasing. Completely designed to humiliate. Dew drops a hand down to his crotch and rubs over his fly, palming his barely-there bulge. He isn’t really hard yet, but the way Mountain’s mouth parts with a line of drool already forming off the tip of his tongue shows even the promise of it is tantalizing enough.  

“Down.” Dew points to the ground and the earth ghoul sinks down to it, belly pressing to the tops of his thighs and chest resting on top of his neatly-folded arms. He looks up at the other ghoul still, seeking approval hungrily. 

“Good,” he says curtly. “Up again.” Mountain’s eyes are squarely on Dew’s pants now, eyeing his now chubbed up dick pressing against the seam. A fat line of drool spills from his mouth, joining the puddle of pre on the hardwood. 

Dew smiles, all fang, pleased with himself. He crosses his arms. The movement makes the leash tug a little, earning a gasp from the needy ghoul beneath him. It makes the next word out of his mouth even more satisfying.

“Speak.”

Mountain chirps, more of a shocked sound than anything. There’s a hint of embarrassment in his wide eyes, hesitancy welling up in the corners of them. But Dew doesn’t miss the way his cock twitches traitorously, or the way the spade of his tail lifts once, twice. 

“Mountain, speak,” he says more forcefully, beginning to wind the thin chain of the leash around his wrist. 

The earth ghoul rushes to make a sound, producing a rumbly little rrrruff, not unlike a disgruntled husky. The look on his face shows Dew that he knows it wasn’t enough, hanging his head shamefully. 

“Uh uh.” He tugs on the leash, forcing Mountain’s chin back up. He leans in close, about a hands-width away from being nose to nose. “I won’t ask you again,” Dew hisses. “Speak.”

Mountain lets out a pained moan before ultimately swallowing his pride and forcing out a loud, singular bark. Dew grins and gives the side of his face a pat before rising back up.

“Good.” He gives him a once over, takes in his watery eyes, his shaky arms, the shine of his spit-soaked chin, and, of course, the flushed length of his cock, throbbing under Dew’s gaze—the gaze that dips lower, landing on the floor beneath Mountain’s knees. 

Dew sucks his teeth, hides a venomous smile. “Look at the mess you’ve made,” he says, dangerously low. Mountain snaps his head down, sucking in a breath at the puddle of precum and drool between his legs. Blatant proof of his desperation. 

"No," Dew corrects. He steps to his side and places a firm hand at the nape of his neck. "Really look at it." Dew forces his head down to the floor. Mountain whimpers as he's made to crumple back down to his belly, nose centimeters from the edge of his mess. He whines, looking up at the fire ghoul with pleading eyes, tears threatening to spill over.

"Clean it up, puppy. And then we'll see about a reward." His hand releases from the back of his neck. Mountain could say no, could draw the line at licking up his own spill off the dirty floor. The word hovers on the tip of his tongue.

But the reward, he knows, is far worth the punishment. 

Mountain drags the flat of his tongue across the mess, huffing at the taste of himself and the wearing varnish on the hardwood. He makes it as quick as he can, efficiently licking up every smear, every drop, every well of need. When he's done, he sits up and licks his lips, internally grimacing at the taste as he grins at his handler. 

Thankfully, Dew returns the grin and gives him another pat on the head. "Good boy. Now," he tugs on the leash, moving towards the bed, "come along, pup."

The earth ghoul hesitates, resulting in a harsh tug on his collar as Dew has to stop in his tracks. He throws a look over his shoulder. Mountain looks down at his hands, back up at Dew.

Dew rolls his eyes. "All fours," he says simply. He resumes his stride, ignoring the whine he gets in response as Mountain hobbles on long limbs behind him. Again, the earth ghoul has to bury his pride for the short path to the bed, pausing once he reaches the foot of it. He sits and waits for permission, joining Dew on the bed when he beckons him up. 

Dew smirks, eyeing Mountain’s body laid out beside him, hard cock trapped between his thighs. He tugs on the chain, bringing his face right next to his own. He hums and trails his nose along Mountain’s, dipping back down to nip at his top lip. The earth ghoul melts against him, begging.

“Now,” Dew breathes, lips brushing across Mountain’s. He tugs hard on the leash, pulling the rings of the martingale section close to touching, restricting the larger ghoul’s throat and wringing from him a needy, choked-out whine. Dew huffs a mean laugh and lowers his voice to a dangerous whisper.

“Breed me like the dog you are.”

#ask #anon #ficlet #puppy mountain #dewdrop ghoul #mountain ghoul #mountain/dew #dew/mountain #mountaindew #the band ghost #the band ghost fanfic #ghost fanfic #this is so mean to my boy im so sorry #he loves it tho #naughty thing

[steinwayandhissons]

thank you alex now every time i hear someone say ‘the car’ which is a very common everyday thing i hear ‘so do you wanna walk me to the car im sure to have a heavy heart’ in my head and am filled with a sense of overwhelming aching grief and loss and i have to try so very hard to not break down in a puddle of my own tears so im just there like

#alex turner #arctic monkeys #the car #we’ve got a new car as well so that’s all ive been hearing for the past few weeks pray for me

[theemporium]

danny offering you a quickie and turning it down saying you want him deep and slow later leaving him tortured till you get home but he gets his own back dragging his cock in and out paiiiinfully slow till ur crying and whimpering and he keep asking if it’s slow enough? if it’s deep enough? if that’s what you want? but you’re so fucked out you can’t even answer to tell him harder or faster even though he knows exactly what you need but he’s a man of his word and if you said deep and slow that’s exactly what your gonna get.

oh my god im ***💦

DO YOU WANT TO KILL ME OR???????

nah because the way he’s just smiling down at you, watching the way you babble incoherent nonsense as he thrusts into you, slow and hard and you’re just so fucking cock drunk but so fucking needy as well??

the scratches down his back as you beg for him to go faster? the rambling promises to give him whatever he wants if he fucks you hard and fast? the way your tears just look so pretty to him and he’s just kissing them away whilst you clench around his cock?

yeah🫠I’m a puddle rn!!!

#cece answers #daniel.thots

[cherrb333]

Chapter 3:first meat;D

Note:its a bit of a shorter chapter, but i finally got it done hehehehe, also loreeeeeeee:D

Ps:writing mama speech is fucking hard lol

It had been a few months since Usagi and Renai had all but become friends, and things were going smoothly. Renai had learned many things about the world and found a nice home at Usagi's workplace! Another score was the turtles Frequented the Restaurant, so spying on them became less life-threatening! (Usagi was relieved about that one) 

She learned some things about the turtles while spying on them as well. Like how Mikey seemed to be the baby of the four, and how arrogant Donnie was about everything, It made her chuckle when she watched the four interact. She couldn't help it, their banter was hilarious... She also noticed that they always had some bruise or scratch, unless They were doing a chill day. But, one day, as she was just Traversing New York City, a disguise thrown together at the last second, she didn't expect her to bump into a certain red bandanna-wearing turtle. It all started as she was getting a taco from a concession stand in Times Square. She licked her lips as the smells filled her nostrils. She had just gotten ahold Of her taco when suddenly, she collided with A very hard very ...fluffy? Chest. She yelped as the taco Went splat on the ground beside her, juices creating a puddle of wasted potential. She blinked before realizing what had happened and sulking over the(now destroyed) taco. She heard a gasp from above her, followed by a deep husky voice that was filled with so much sadness it rivalled Her own.

“Aw jeez! I'm so sorry, I didn't see ya there!” She perked up at the voice, head shooting up to see the very tall very buff red clad turtle in a hippo costume(for some odd reason, sheesh these turtles Were weird), his face contorted in a look of concern as he held out A hand to help up the smaller much younger turtle that stared up at him in awe, her mouth agape. As the shock subsided, anger fueled through her veins as she cursed under her breath.

“watch where you're going! You could have hurt someone! You already hurt my taco you…you…you...MEAN POOPHEAD!!!!”

she Shouted At the top of her lungs, huffing in anger, and getting a few stares from the people around them. Raph Blinked, before bursting out in fits of laughter that boomed through the streets. 

“D-did you just..”

he inhaled a breath between laughter

“Call me a poop head!”

He cackled, holding his hand over his head as he hunched over in laughter.

“How old Are you?”

He continued to laugh his ass off despite the frown that built up on renais face as she glared up at the turtle in red.

“11?”

He snorted, grabbing his plastron to hold in the laughs but failing miserably. 

“I-im 12!”

She huffed, Stomping her foot, tears of anger pooling in her eyes. Raph couldn't help the grin that spread across his face. She frowned, crossing Her arms.

“Plus, you are a poophead! You destroyed my beautiful burrito/taco! I was gonna eat that!”

She sulked, looking down at the sad mess on the floor. Raph followed her gaze, quieting down with a frown, biting his lip as he twiddled his fingers.

 “Here, lemme help ya up, and I'll buy ya a new taco, considering I made ya drop it.”

He continued to hold his hand out, helping Renai to her wobbly feet. Then a look of realization fell on his face as he rubbed his hand on his neck nervously

“Oh right, by the way! Th’ names’ Raph! And you?” 

Raph. Wow, this guy's parents must hate him. She snorted, holding a hand over her mouth to muffle it.

“I'm Renai,”

she held her hand out as she scuffed her flip-flop on the floor. Before he could respond, she quickly walked up to the taco truck again, gesturing for him to follow impatiently

“Now then, I think you owe me a taco”

she chuckled, beginning to bounce on the balls of her bandaged feet. She tapped her three-fingered hand along her plastron as she waited quietly with the big behemoth of a mutant who stood beside her. She wasn't wearing her bandanna today, opting for a more subtle hoodie, she still had her bandages, and no one noticed the two very obvious turtle mutants in the line. It was New York, blending in wasn't hard when no one was phased. As they drew closer to the front of the line, raph spoke up to cut the growing awkward silence with a question.

“Soooooo, I haven't seen you around before, are you from the hidden city?”

he asked, noticing her three-fingered hands that gave away the fact she was not just a mere human. She laughed nervously before turning to the man in front of them to tell him her order before responding.

“Uhhhhh, whatever do you mean? I'm a normal human person! Just going about a normal human life, getting tacos and working 9 to 5!”

she forcefully laughed, lying through her teeth. She couldn't be more obvious. Raph deadpanned.

“You know, Raph can tell you're lying. Sheesh, I thought Donnie was bad at lying”

he mumbled the last part more to himself than anyone, handing a 5-dollar bill to the man at the stand, getting himself a taco as well. Renai blinked before she blew it off.

“Whattttt? I'm not lyingggg~”

Raph raised an eyebrow, crossing his arms as the two sat at a table.

“Ya know, I haven't known you for that long, but it is obvious you're lying.”

Raph chuckled.

“It's ok, you don't have to tell Raph. We just met after all”

Raph shrugged it off, waving a hand as Renai felt her shoulders relax tremendously. She began to move on from the conversation. The two conversed, finding things to talk about while they waited for their tacos. Surprisingly, Renai realized the two had a lot in common. She found an immediate bond with the big guy over Lou Jitsu. She almost forgot that they were supposed to be enemies. Almost. Then she felt a vibrate against her thigh, glancing down to see that the phone Mama had given her was vibrating with an illuminated name.

‘Mother is Calling’

it read. She felt a shiver run up her spine, quickly apologizing to Raph before stepping away from the table to take the call. Upon answering, Mama started demanding information, of which Renai huffed in frustration. Upon answering, renai shivered at the voice that came through the phone.

“Finally, it was such a fuzzy woodle getting you to answer! Now, my dear pet, tell me, why haven't you been answering mommy’s calls?”

renai hissed, pulling her phone away from her ear to see the 50 missed calls. Crap. oh shoot, oh no! She messed up big time. 

“I'm so sorry, Mother! I'll take any punishment that you see fit. I didn't see your call and I am so sorry, please! Forgive me!”

her lip trembled as she blinked back the unshed tears of overwhelming guilt. The line was quiet for a bit.

“It's alright. I'll forgive you as long as you tell me, do you have any news?”

mama hummed through the cell, making Renai flinch in fear gulping down the nervous lump in her throat she began to tell Mama of the current things she had found out from the turtles so far. She felt her breath hitch as she told Mama of her mistake of revealing herself to the big one by accident, mama hummed, renai could never read Mama’s tone, but she would guess she was surprisingly pleased.

“No, no. This could be good. If you get super close, they will allow you into their home, and you can get more information about them from there. Go ahead and befriend the big turtley-poo, my dear. Make him give you information, and report to me when you have all of the juicy info-doodles!”

mama spoke cheerfully, and before Renai could protest, the call ended, leaving Renai standing there staring at her phone stunned. Huh. so she would have to befriend them. Can't be too hard, right?

She turned to look at where Raph had been sitting, seeing him sitting there waving at her once he noticed she was looking at him. No. this wouldn't be hard at all. She smirked to herself as she began walking back to the turtle in front of her. Her mission just became a whole lot easier.

___________________________________________

Masterpost | first | previous | next

#rottmnt #save rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rise of the tmnt #rottmnt oc #tmnt raphael #rottmnt raph #raphael hamato #mentioned usagi yuichi #posted on ao3

[trainingdummyrabbit]

IM BACK. CANT BE NORMAL ABOUT THIS. [limbusspoilers]

first to get it out of my system

UAGHUDHIUHGHHHGBHHHGH . AUHGHG. A.

ok. so compass right. this is not going to be coherent. im 5 min off the canto and this one hit Hard. sorry <33

ok so seeing the boss track In Action. Hits DIFFERENT. absolutely stunning buildup with the backing, the constant; dull; distant pulse of a heartbeat, the ticking of static, cuts in of those ambient cries, the echo of a sonars blip like water drops in a puddle.

the entire thing is encompassed by this almost stifling feeling of softness, distance, like staring through a dream. it nails the feeling of drifting deep beneath the waves, unmoving- the way things are almost clear, yet far beyond your reach.

this stifling feeling of loss, a cry only just held back by the muffling effects of the pressure above, building, or maybe always there. how it wades in, calmly, this cold, angry distance. the fading sensation of light swallowed by layers and layers of murky water.

and as it progresses, that crushing buzz of the static takes over, rising, that voice becoming more strained and sharp along with it. that backing melody becomes nigh silent as it drops into silence, all focus on one, tantilizingly close point, before...

everything rushes forward at once, a deluge. nothing will quite hit as hard as the image of ishmael pulling the rope and harpoon tight, the lyrics accompanying-- to tear yourself away from something you considered to be all you are, clinging tight to a lifeline, the rush of the noise around you as it all comes crashing down, due to your own hand, your own realization-- your own desires. "hold on tight--" as a call for support, in desperation, not just to call forth the imagery of that sailing crew-- but as a plea directed inwards, almost, to plant your feet and survive.

and the gentle, almost broken in-and-out, "high tide / low tide," accompanied by nothing but the ticking of a clock as everything else falls to silence.

songs that sound like screaming into a storm, an impulsive, defiant challenge towards that which could swallow you up in an instant. songs that sound like bared teeth my beloved.

now the disclaimer this is, again, all ive seen of limbus in person. i am going to be wrong about things. bear with me.

FUCKING ADORE how ahab is written. holy fucking shit. such an easily likeable character, grand and sweeping and confident, loud and solid in an otherwise uncertain and hopeless situation. she calls attention, she crushes doubt in an instant as if it were nothing more than silt beneath her heel. and what a fantastically written character.

and what im happiest about, i think, is that ishmael was right about her. she hadnt changed. even in her flurry to rush in, she was Right.

such an easy figure to follow, such a bright beacon to carve the path ahead. of course you would want to believe her. and even more striking, they almost do. they all have this split moment of doubt, right at the cusp of it all-- and they catch on. its so so good watching that realization dawn not just on them, but on myself as well, to stand back and go "oh. oh she's good."

its done that several times in this chapter-- a moment of "oh. oh god this is what they're doing." RIGHT as the cast does themselves. ishmael, the color of the sunset. ahab, tugging anyone who listens into the pull of her wake. their obsession, their desires, the "i wanted to be like you." the "we are the same, now."

queequeg. end sentence.

and how everything builds up upon itself, swirling itself into a spiral. abandon all common sense in the great lakes. whale oil, which dissolves and assimilates all that comes to contact with it. the cocoon, the compass, the rope. the pale, the whale.

it was very fun cheering for ishy as she pressed forward recklessly, and i knew they were going to address that somehow. that single point of obsession-- seeing how they handled it though, was truly something else. i was Not expecting the track to be so... mellow, walking in. and yet, it encompassed everything in such a fascinating way, one that didnt just repeat what had been said, but altered it completely. gave it depth. it was not some brazen cry of rage and grief-- its the fluid yet firm grasp of everything thatd built up to that point. and i respect it so so deeply for that. i could not be happier.

so basically i

#piktalk #projmoon #FOR COURTESY AGAIN #LimbusSpoilers. oh my god this is so limbusspoilers. ok o/ #anyway glad i decided to plunge directly in; this . this. ohhhh this.

[bluebeetle]

Like... TimKon is very funny to me because it is not inherently bad... it is just that almost everything that was Tim and Kon is almost always from Kon's worst times and the most distanced Kon is from Tim the better his writing has been.

It turkey does not help that this is attached to Tim Drake, whitest cunt in Gotham, who should be sent to the Sun so Damian can be back full time as the main Robin instead of Tim being so focused on him peaking as a teen... also, TimKon is almost always tied to fanon Tim which is...

Anyway, what are your thoughts on Dark Crisis YJ? I think it is s wild book but not a bad message on how the YJ girlies... they need to fucking let go of YJ.

I think everyone needs to read Superboy (2010).

theres nothing wrong w/ it in theory i just think tim's kind of an asshole sometimes w/o writers realising it and he really ends up bringing things down by accident. so agreed on the writing thing.

also part of my hatred for it and tim comes from just fanon stuff. i try to separate fanon from my enjoyment of canon ut its SOOO hard when its so inescapable.... so prevelant and bland... tim esp has that kind of stuff seep into the story where writers clearly favour him and want to make it clear by hoisting him over all his friends and damian and jason and stuff. so. it sucks. so yeah fanon tim is so bad my friend and i have a half-joke about tim doing adderall and cocaine and kickflipping over the sad puddle of tears that is fanon tim bc we think its funny how much fanon tim sucks.

agreed tho!!! tim needs to STOP being robin like right now please. ill even take Drake as stupid as that was. also let tim age if ur gonna keep aging up damian im begging you DC.

i have the three issues out rn in my bag as we speak but. i have not read them yet. oops. i have been meaning too but!! i got them bc there was two variant covers i rly wanted as well (since anita was on issue 1 and i miss her ): and then thad is on the bart cover for issue 3).

ill get back to you maybe on that but yeah.. i like yj i own several trades of it. its fun! but sometimes its like. guys it been almost 30 years.... let them grow. also bart, cassie, and kon all existed independant of tim and sometimes tim stans forget this i think. they have other friends!! i do love the four of 'em but sometimes it feels like people treat it like Tim and His Three Sidekicks.

agreed

#dc #ask

[garoumylove]

Golden Hour Part 14

It’s here! The very very steamy and very very 🔞smutty🔞 part of my domestic fluff ♥️GarouxReader♥️! Finally! Here is the sweet sweet love making! You can also read it on AO3 here :)

We sit in the holding cell. Well, I’m fucking sittin’ and that fucking moron is still trying to tear the bars down, shaking the railings, yapping on about how they got the wrong fucking people.

I’m just trying to get some sleep, as best as I can against the cold brick wall, painted white and covered with the most fucking creative graffiti I’ve ever seen. Looks like they gave up trying to paint over it at some point.

Almost makes me wish I had somethin’ to write with so I could leave my mark here. Ah, another life milestone reached. Well done me.

“Oi, asshole,” I say, opening my eyes for a moment. “Shut the fuck up.”

“This is all your fuckin’ doing!” He turns on me.

“No one asked you to intervene, dumbass,” I say, closing my eyes again. “Stop fuckin’ runnin’ into things that ain’t your fucking business.”

“If I didn’t save your sorry ass, you’d be in a fucking puddle on the ground back there right now,” he smirks.

I try to stay calm. I really fuckin’ do. But there’s a line. There’s a fucking line. And he crosses that fuckin’ line and he knows it.

“The fuck did you say?” I’m on my feet before I know it.

“You heard me, son of a bitch,” he spits. “Ain’t no way you could’ve taken them all. Just say thank you and sit the fuck down.”

And just when I thought I’d settled my temper, I find myself swinging again, teeth clenched, all the fury of everything that’s happened rushing right back at me. This blind rage taking over again.

He ducks and goes for his own hit which is so fucking obvious I can see it from a fucking mile away.

“What?” I step back, mocking, urging him to try and land one. “Can’t do nothing without your fuckin’ stick?”

“You fuckin’ wish,” he yells and charges right at me, and I just help him on his way, stepping away and pushing him into the wall with his own momentum. It’s brutal but I don’t give a flying fuck.

He stands up, fresh blood pouring from his nose, looking like he wants to fucking murder me. I feel like I want to fuckin’ kill him myself and this cell can’t contain my fucking madness anymore.

He wipes at his nose.

“Got a pretty thick skull, don’t ya?” I say, this reckless malice taking over my senses.

He stands there and laughs, blood pouring down his face.

“You think that’s gonna stop me?” And he looks even more worked up than before.

I pull back my fist, the muscle tight, aching to feel that power again. He looks like he’s doing the same. I-

“What the fucking hell?” We stop in our tracks as Mr. Nice Policeman bangs on the bars. “What the fuck you two doing? Settle the fuck down or I’ll taser the both of ya,” and walks away.

It’s just enough to break the murderous moment.

Something lifts and it looks like he just remembered somethin’ important.

“Fuck,” he mutters under his breath, so hopeless and depressed. “I gotta talk to Zenko. Fuck.”

He looks genuinely worried, leans against the bars as if defeated, completely forgetting my presence. Defeated not by me but by something between his sister and him.

So I decide to fuckin’ forget him too. Fuck ‘im.

I sit back down and close my eyes again. We’ve been here for hours and I’m fucking bored out of my skull. I’m trying hard to not think of anything. To keep it all blank.

Eventually, I try to just drift off, to sleep at least a bit since I barely shut my eyes last night but when I let myself relax the memories keep coming. The memories of the last twenty four hours. How one evening went so fucking wrong. Like watching a fucking car crash. My mind just doesn’t want to look away no matter how much fucking pain it causes.

Part of me still feels justified, unable to take being treated like a fucking child, but another part just says ‘Fucking. Moron.’ She was right. I can’t control it. I just feel and then I do. No fucking impulse control here.

I think about her words about the fantasy of everyone being against me. It doesn’t sit right with me. Because everyone is against me.

Even Tareo? This little voice in my head says.

Well, ok, fuck, obviously not Tareo.

And her?

I don’t know. I thought she was on my side but looks like I’m nothing but a stupid kid.

That’s not what she said.

Yeah but…

And her brother, did he have anything against you?

No, but it ain’t like he fucking knows me.

And old man boss?

He doesn’t count.

Why not?

Just…because. Shut the fuck up.

And Bang?

Don’t get me started on that fuckin’ fool.

So who is against you?

I just fuckin’ said-

“Right,” that fucking smug police voice approaches us again, “you to punks are fucking lucky today. Get your shit and get outta here. And don’t let me see your fucking faces here again.”

And with that, the gates open and we’re free to go.

You know how I said the kid was the MVP of this whole thing? This was mostly his doing. Well, no one else will give him the credit but I reckon he’s a champ.

Turns out after they took us away and the old man, the only ‘reliable’ witness, had made a fuckin’ run for it (interesting, considering his back had given out…) didn’t even care about his beloved truck. Just got the hell outta dodge. After that, they didn’t want to listen to these grade schoolers so the kid took it upon himself. Went to get her first. Told her everythin’ that happened. Then she went down to the dojo, got the fuckin’ old bastard involved. He got down to the station with her and Tareo and Zenko in tow and set them straight and told them what’s what. Made them listen to them and made them get off their fuckin’ asses and track down the boss. He has that effect on people. Anyway, once they found and got him in he confirmed. It wasn’t me that started it.

Once they patched up the bastard with the ponytail and he was coherent again he swore up and down I’d got the jump on them, lying though his fucking teeth but apparently his story didn’t add up and he’s the one with the record now. Fucking pathetic dumbass.

To be honest. I wouldn’t have minded the record. What’s it to me? But the injustice was fucking burnin’ me up inside just a little bit.

It was a fuckin’ mess but it sorted itself out in the end because the kid used that head of his.

I don’t know why I said that. I didn’t know at the time how or even if he was involved in my early release. But I said it.

My fucked up cell mate rushes out, bolts down the corridor yellin’ “Zenko!!” and I just stroll out. Not particularly in any rush. It ain’t like I got anything to look forward to.

I head up the corridor and I see them all there. Her, Tareo, the old man with this serious expression under his mustache I’d never seen before and this hint of relief.

Fuck. I wasn’t expecting that. I wonder why the fuck they’re all here. I don’t want to see them. I don’t want their pity staring down at me. But there’s nowhere else to go. This is the only way out.

And her, she looks happy and distraught and tired and just…beautiful as always.

And never to be mine.

I gotta fuckin’ accept that and move on.

I just straighten up and walk past them without saying anything.

What is there to say anymore? I feel like we said everything last night. I don’t think I can undo all that. I’m not fucking good at repairing things, only tearing them down.

“Uncle!” I hear Tareo just behind me, running up after me. “Uncle! Are you ok?”

I stop but I don’t turn around.

“Yeah,” I say and then keep walking. “Thanks kid.”

I can feel her concerned eyes on me as I leave. I try to enjoy that feeling one last time.

I get home. It’s late. Delilah meows anxiously as I open the door.

“You’re hungry, eh?” I say, going straight to the kitchen. I give her her food but she doesn’t seem interested, just keeps meowing and butting me with her head.

“What?” I say. “Eat. What’s the problem?”

Meow, she says, half-upset and half-scared.

“I ain’t dead,” I say, picking her up for a moment. “See. I ain’t dead. Now eat,” I set her back down on the floor and she reluctantly leaves my side and traipses over to her bowl.

I go upstairs and take these fucking clothes off. I’ve been in them for far too long, sweat and blood soaked. Fuck this job, I think. I ain’t goin’ back. I’m sure I’m fired but even if I ain’t, no fucking chance in hell I’m going back. Fuck this job. And fuck everything.

And I feel this violence inside, like I’ve been holding something in since last night. Not that kind of violence. Not the desire to beat the fuck out of someone but this thing I can’t explain. This intractable fucking bitterness, this rage, at everything. At nothing. At myself. I want to fucking punch holes in this fucking wall. Fuck this house.

Fuck this fucking house.

Fuck school.

Fuck all the lies.

Fuck the beatings I got.

This thing inside me. It’s not anger, it’s not rage. It’s so fucking overpowering I don’t even understand it. It’s nothin’ like I’ve felt before. It’s driving me fucking mad, tearing me into too many directions at once. And I don’t know what to fucking do with it. I am ready to burn this fucking house down, tear it down with my own two hands. I feel this roar in my chest, building, and I can’t stop it, about to really unleash it on the fucking wall in the cold darkness here when the cat slips through the gap in the door, meowing softly, looking up at me as if happy to see me.

Meow she says, and rubs herself against my leg.

Everyone is against me, I think, my heart still beating rough and hard.

But not Delilah.

The wall stays whole.

I get the heat going and get in the shower, finally eat something, turning back into a semblance of a human being.

It’s late. Just after midnight. I try to just keep my mind steady. Not pay anything too much attention. But I can’t help noticing her lights still on across the street. That doesn’t happen often. I try not to give it any thought. It’s none of my business anymore. I decide to switch that part of me off.

Despite not sleeping very fucking much at all recently I find I have no desire to go to bed. This feeling like I don’t fucking know what to do with myself.

I switch on the TV and Delilah curls up next to me. I notice her lights are off now. But instantly remind myself to forget it.

I flip through the channels but as usual there’s only shit I have no interest in watching. I don’t even know why I turned it on. I don’t know how long I sit there, staring mindlessly. Twenty minutes? Before I’ve had enough.

I get up and Delilah lifts her head, questioning.

“Going to bed,” I say. I don’t feel like it but there ain’t anything else to do.

She jumps off the couch and follows me.

I watch her get into her box and she’s out like a light. I’m about to get undressed when I hear the knock, quiet, unsure.

I know who it is. And I stand there, not moving. There is no point, I tell myself.

I wait, listening to the silence of the night.

And there it is again, same cautious knock.

No. I can’t. There’s no fucking point. I-

I remember thinking, enough. Enough of the fucking doubts and the fucking guilt and the goddamn dancing around all of this, trying to please who fucking knows but never ourselves. Fucking enough. It ain't gonna be the world that dictates what we could and couldn't do. Enough.

By the time I open the door she’s already half way back across the street. She turns around, the porch light automatically switching on.

She stands there, in the middle of the road under the night sky, looking at me. Unsure whether to go back home or return to me.

I wait, keeping all my feelings, all my thoughts in check.

She looks at the black asphalt for a moment and then turns and walks back up the path, back up the steps towards me.

We stand there in the first uncomfortable silence we’ve ever experienced.

She doesn’t ask to come in.

Right now we are in two different worlds, separated by the doorway.

“I don’t feel like gettin’ a lecture,” I finally say.

“I’m not here to give you one,” she says, this fragile smile on her lips which disappears as soon as it appears.

I close everything off inside, in my head, in my chest. I can’t fuckin’ do this anymore. Whatever she’s going to tell me, it ain’t good and I don’t want to fucking take it anymore. She’s probably going to tell me to not come around ever again, or that we should just ignore each other from now on or whatever. And I already knew all that so-

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

Eh? Not what I was expecting.

“I’m sorry for what I said last night.”

I’m fucking sorry too but I can’t bring myself to say it. I don’t apologise. I don’t fucking know how.

“Why?” I say, still somewhat wary.

“You’re not a kid,” she says, tucking her hands under her arms, into her sweater, feeling the cool of the night. “And I shouldn’t keep treating you like one. I shouldn’t tell you what to do with your life.”

I thought I’d just succeeded in shutting everything down but then she goes and says that and everything I’ve boxed away and chained down is starting to get restless inside.

“You don’t,” I say. She was right. She never forced me to do anything. All those choices were my own. All my own fucking doing.

I begin to feel it all trying to escape, all these things I thought I’d nailed down. Who the fuck was I kidding? As if I could switch it off just like that. It’s like a fucking flood building behind the most fucking flimsy dam. I try to hold it back, even a minute more because I still don’t know exactly where this is going. She still won’t look at me and it feels fucking painful.

“I know you don’t want me to, but I worry about you,” she says, still looking at the ground, as if it’s so fascinating.

“Don’t,” I say. “I don’t need you to worry about me.”

“I know,” she says. “You can take care of yourself. I know,” she smiles, still at the ground.

“What do I need to do?” I ask. The question that I wanted to ask last night but was too fucked up to do it. The real question. This question that scares the fuck out of me. This question that makes everything hang on the line. Because what if the answer is that there’s nothing I can do? “What do I need to do for you to take me seriously?”

“You don’t need to do anything,” she says, finally looking up at me, as if surprised by my words, searching my face before giving her real answer. “I love you just how you are. I really shouldn’t, but I do. It scares me. But I do. I love you just how you are. And I don’t know what to do about it. Because I’m not supposed to love you. But I do.”

Love me? Shouldn’t? It ain’t me? I’m not the problem? I’m not the fucking problem in this equation here? All this time…All this fucking time.

I remember every time she stroked my hair, touched my face, every hug, every contact. Thinking it was pity, thinking it was mindless affection, as if for a stray animal. And now she tells me…All this fucking time. This understanding blooms in my mind. So late. So fucking late.

And for the first time in as long as I can remember I manage to get the words out. Force them out. Because I remember how she looked. I remember the sadness and the alarm in her eyes. And I fucking am.

“I’m sorry.”

She looks at me wide-eyed, then reaches out and carefully, tentatively, strokes my cheek, as if thinking I might not want her touch.

“You don’t need to-” she starts.

But I can’t hold it fucking back anymore. Any of it. I can pretend to not care all I fucking want but inside all I want is her. I can lie to myself about fucking anything, but not this.

I pull her inside, slamming the door shut behind, trapping her against it. Not meaning to but I ain't letting go now. We’re in the same world now. Our own and the world outside can fucking burn. I don't fucking care. This is between me and her.

'I love you…just how you are.'

‘I love you…’

There’s this exhilaration in the air, this hot exhilaration in the dark. This thing between us. This forbidden thing pulling us in and we know there’s no return now. There is no escape.

‘I love you…’

I can’t hold anything back any fucking longer, grabbing her face and finally. Finally kiss her.

Finally.

Everything falls into place, falls apart, as she grabs me right back. The silence of the night recedes, instinct taking over, her mouth hard against mine, quiet gasps, grasping at clothes here, there and then we take a breath, a wanting pause. I stare at her, so many fucking questions but I don’t need any of them answered and then right back in, more heated than before, tasting her tongue, hands on her hips pressing her close, her hands around my neck, on my shoulders. I slip my hands down and she follows, jumping on me, legs around me as I pick her up. There’s only one place to go.

She never lets go of my face, kiss after kiss, as if this is the last time we’ll see each other as I head to my room, too impatient, too hot, not watching where the fuck I’m going but I don’t care, as long as I get to hold her like this, as long as she never takes her mouth off mine. Our secret safe tonight.

I finally get through my door, as she holds my head in her soft hands, kisses all over my face.

I don’t want to let to go but this needs to happen. Now.

She slips out of my arms, urgent, knowing and we start stripping off, never fast enough. She pulls my shirt over my head, hands running all over my chest and I try to keep kissing her as I lift the edge of her jumper. This hot mess, trying to do everything at once. Her t-shirt is on the floor and then she’s unbuttoning her jeans and I’m right there with her. I watch her reach quickly behind, undo her bra, go to help, pulling the straps down her shoulders before she throws it to the side, before finishing getting naked myself as she slips her hands into her underwear, hurriedly bends down, slipping it off her ankles. Everything is just one fucking beautiful blur that we almost don’t realise that we’re standing completely naked in front of each other, her chest already rising and falling, breathing fast. I’m sure I’m the fucking same. I have no time to think about that because all I can concentrate on is her.

And now, take it back…everything slows down.

This is real. Standing there in the shadows, in the silver light. Not far from the same time as when I first saw her. Way past midnight, we come together again in the dark.

Took so fucking long to get here that it’s almost unbelievable.

She looks over me. Her eyes travel over my chest covered in bruises again, but not so bad as last time. She says nothing about it. Just taking it in. What's done is done. I will try my best from now. I know I won't always succeed but I'll fucking try. Try because there’s a part of me that never thought she’d be here. That I’d be here.

And yet here it is. And it’s better than any memory, any fantasy. I’ve seen her. I’ve seen her across the street from here but now she’s in my room, naked for me, even more beautiful than I remembered, standing there surrounded by our discarded clothes. Nothing between us anymore. Stripped of all excuses and reasons.

My hand reaches out, carefully on her face, touching her cheek, her lips, as if checking it’s really happening.

She closes her eyes, puts her hands over mine, nestles her cheek into it and I don’t move. And then she opens her eyes again slowly and looks at me like she knows exactly what she’s doing, letting my hand go.

And I thought I was strong…but her eyes. I thought I was fucking strong. And here it is. And I gotta laugh inside. I am no match for her. There was three inches between us and she closes it. Finally. The distance disappears. Gone for fucking good.

‘I love you…’

I feel her body, her skin, against me. Her breasts pressing softly against me, the warmth of her thighs. And she knows what I need better than I do.

I expect her kiss again, wild and urgent, her lips against mine but she just presses herself closer against my bruised chest, taking her hands behind me, slowly, gently tracing her fingers down my back, just that. I feel their caress over every muscle, every inch of skin.

And I realise there’s more, more to this desire than what I thought. Because this touch destroys me bit by bit, and I am completely powerless in her hands as they move slowly over me, now tracing tenderly over my chest as she kisses my cheek, my jaw softly, my neck.

Ain’t no one ever touched me like that. Never knew what I was missing. She pulls me slowly back to bed, pushes me down and gets half on me, caressing my face, whispering things in my ear, pressed against my side, her thigh across me.

This is going to kill me, I remember thinking. This is going to fucking kill me and I’m ready for it. All my power is useless here.

I remember when we were in my bed before. When I was burning up delirious. Feeling her protection. And here I feel it again, this quiet care, never letting me go as her lips travel down my neck, down, down my chest, as she kisses all these bruises, runs her fingers affectionately over them. And this hot exhilaration still hangs, grows, in the air, in this room.

I think about my fist, the strength I kept training, blood, sweat and tears, the strength and power to take down anyone and anything that stands in my way. The tension, the burning power in my hand. Always needing more. And yet here she is, with the barest of touches in her fingertips completely undoing everything inside me as she runs them down my chest, down, lingering around my hip.

She could do just that and I’d think all this was worth it. The frustration, the mess, the anger, the fear. Just touch me like this and don’t stop.

And just when I think I’ve finally got some composure back I feel her lips on the edge of my ear and her hand slips quickly further down, same soft, barely there touch running over my cock.

Fuck.

I can feel myself breathing heavy as her fingers play with me, light and slow, as if wondering whether to continue.

I can’t fucking help this anymore. Grab her hand and make it clear she can do as much as she wants because I fuckin’ want it. I feel her hand now around me, stroking, as her lips wander over my face again, her hair falling over me, my hands go to her waist. Her hand closer, tighter around my cock, a little faster as she climbs further onto me, her kiss on my mouth now, serious, no hiding desire, everything out in the open, this groan caught in my throat as her stroke intensifies. Her hand on me, her body against me, the tip of her tongue playfully in my mouth, her breathless sigh…My fingers dig into her hips, feeling too much. A torture I hope never ends.

I realise my imagination had its limits. So many fucking limits. The heat of her skin, the feel of her body in my hands, pressing into me, her words breathed in my ear, her desire, all tangible and real here almost pushing me out of my goddamn mind into something intense and intoxicating…And I’m so fucking hard, not much more of this and it’s going to be over because holding on is a big fucking ask right now with her on top of me like this.

No. Not yet.

Not yet. I’ve got more for you.

Takes all my will power to push her carefully over onto her back. She’s not the only one that can’t get enough.

Before I know it, I’m pinning her down, my mouth on her neck, feeling myself on top of her. I run my tongue up her throat, hear this little sweet sigh, eyes closed, hands curling into soft fists as I hold down her wrists.

The heat is on and with what’s happening between us, it’s like that fever takes over again as I kiss down her neck, her shoulder, across her collarbone. Not wanting to miss an inch of her, hear her happy murmurs, feel her breasts, hard pretty nipples against me just there.

I let go of her arms, my hands needing to be elsewhere. Her eyes open, watching me as I run my hand down her face, down her body until it reaches her breast and I see this excitement in her eyes grow.

Slowly, I run my thumb over her nipple, once, twice, harder on the third time, watching her as she bites her lip and the next time I do it, wraps her arms around my neck and pulls my head down, into this kiss, close, intense and I never let go, hand still on her breast, keep doing that, realising how sensitive she is there as I taste her quiet gasps. And I want more. I can do more.

I slip out of her embrace, give her more. That slow rhythm that she’s so good at, that kept me there…I ain’t the same. I kiss down her body, everything getting more urgent. Look at her, naked on my covers, revealing all her secrets to me. If that’s what she wants, I think. If just that simple touch gets her like that…I can’t hold it back. Getting wilder on her body. Couldn’t stop if I wanted to.

I've got handfuls of her breasts, my mouth all over them. Her fingers twist through my hair impatiently as I play with her nipples, biting softly, licking. Kissing this one then the other, my tongue on the side of her breast, following the soft curve, sucking on that hard little nipple when I get back there. And her heartbeat. I can feel it, harder, faster.

Do you like this? Do I make you feel good, my love?

I feel like she’s holding back. Throwing her hand over her mouth. I don’t know why.

I don’t push for answers. Her body says it all, hand gripping my shoulder, her own shoulders pressing hard into the mattress, her chest lifting to me.

I saw her. Saw her half naked in the window. Her body on display just for me. And now, it’s all mine. I get to touch, taste, feel everything I saw. Explore its softness, its warmth, all the things that please her.

I want to know all the things that please her. Find out for myself. Not just please her but that make her writhe and cry out and push her over the edge. I want to know.

And so I move down her body, taking my time. Kissing as much of her as I can as I go, over her ribs, her stomach, past her bellybutton, my hands following, her hips.

She watches me, curious how far I’ll go. And I have no intention of stopping and every intention of exceeding expectations. My hand back at her breast, teasing, squeezing her nipple as she reaches her hand into my hair, a sharp intake of her breath. I kiss a line across her body from one gorgeous hip to the other, and then down the front of her soft thigh and her curiosity grows.

I’ve thought of this how many fucking times? Imagined this over and over…Doing exactly this. Being right here, her body so close, mine to please and explore in the night, in the heat.

I spread her legs and she lets me, fingers softly in my hair as she watches me. I feel her breath catch. She almost doesn't expect me to. But look at her…Fuck. Look at her. Naked, in my bed, already so wet. She can't hide how much she wants it, and neither can I, how much I fucking want her.

I get closer between her thighs. I look over her, her pretty pussy so close. I feel how fucking hard it makes me. I thought I’d buy myself more time like this, being the one to please her but fuck. It ain’t any easier. All my concentration on her. Slowly, I trace my fingers down her slit, slick with her desire. I feel a shiver run through her, a little tremble in her thighs. I press them closer to me, turn and kiss one of them, nipping at her skin, my fingers still stroking her pussy as I see her grip the sheet in one hand. Her other hand reaches down, edges of her fingers brush soft against my cheek. She doesn't think I’m going to-

But this is the most intimate part of her. Where she feels so good. Where I can make her feel so good. And I've waited so fucking long and how many times have I thought of this? Wanted this? Too many. And now I finally get to taste her, to give her this pleasure.

Her gasp fills the night inside this room and my head fills with her scent, erotic and close. I taste her with this slow hunger, her hot skin, her wetness.

I want to keep going slow, exploring her, teasing, but she wants it so fucking much and knowing it was all me that gets her so hot and bothered. Knowing it was all fucking me, I can’t do that. That slow plan completely out the fucking window.

And now her back arches, my hands under her ass, fingers pressing into her. I can't get enough of her, running my tongue over her clit again and again. Wanting her to feel so good, so fucking good.

She can’t restrain it any longer and I hear these desperate sighs above me, growing louder, sweeter.

Yes darlin'. Just like that. Sigh for me just like that.

I feel my fingers dig into her harder, pulling her pussy closer to my mouth, finding this rhythm that she loves, makes her get wilder, sighs turning effortlessly into these indescribable moans, hands in my hair, pulling, curling around her fingers.

After everything. After goddamn everything, she is here, with me, leaving traces of her erotic scent all over my sheets as I pleasure her with my mouth, my tongue quick and hard on her clit, as she gets wetter and wetter.

I slide my hand up her body, to her breast until it finds her nipple and suddenly she lets out the most obscene beautiful helpless sound I've ever heard.

“Don’t stop,” she can barely get the words out between her moans. “Don’t stop, Garou…ohhh…!”

I feel her thighs squeeze around my head, her bare legs thrown over my shoulders.

I have no intention of stopping, love. But you’re driving me fucking insane. Just me and you and the heat of the night, the heat of your body, the smell of your pleasure, the taste of your desire…

“Don’t…stop…” she begs, pulling my head in ever closer as I keep my tongue tracing these patterns she loves over clit, her pussy aching for more.

I can feel her thighs start to tremble, softly at first and then harder, this soft tremor in her body. It feels intense. Too intense. Her moans so loud, so restless. And even with all that I want to push it further, squeeze her nipple harder. Her hips begin to sway against my face, her back arching hard and for a moment she is silent. Silent before it all breaks loose, all her doubts and all her self-restraint, and she cums.

And I never stop.

To be with her in that moment, when she's crying out over and over, her body hot and full of pleasure, taking over her. There is no describing this moment. This feeling.

It's only me and her and the pleasure I can give her

Right now only I get to see her, feel her like this. She is all mine.

Her body gives in completely, so willing, so wanting, to me.

She cums, hot tension and breathlessness, she cums for me.

I want to be there, not let go until the end, feel, taste her orgasm from beginning to end but suddenly her words.

"Come here," she beckons, her words lovely and impatient, her body still quivering, "come here. I want you."

I let go, I let go my hands around her hips and get back up to her, between her legs.

"I want you," she says again, closing her eyes pulling me against her.

And I give her what she wants. What I want. Always wanted.

I feel myself inside her. This feeling…this fucking feeling that makes me lose my head, makes me groan. So fucking close. She's so fucking close and I'm finally inside her, her legs hurrying to wrap themselves around my waist, her breasts against my chest as I kiss her neck over and over.

"You're so wet," I hear myself, the words barely, hoarsely out, her hands all over my back. I can't help it. I know she's so fucking wet, I was just there, but I can't help it. This is so fucking excruciating. So fucking good.

"Only for you," she breathes, urgent and sweet.

Only for me…Those words sit tight and hot in my chest. Turn everything fucking upside down. The things she does to me. Did she think about me on those lonely winter nights like I did about her? Did the thought of me keep her company as she pleasured herself? I can't help but wonder…

"Only for you, Wolf," she repeats, grabbing tighter on to me, wanting me.

I find I’ve graduated from cub to wolf and that’s fucking music to my ears.

I’m finally there where I want to be. Not just physically, here with her. But in her esteem. I’m not that kid. I’m not that stray anymore.

And she wants me to fuck her. And I do.

I’d always said, I’d give you everything. I’m all yours. Here to fulfill your every desire. You want to fuck and so we fuck.

I feel myself pull out and thrust into her, again and again, unable to resist going harder each time. Because she wants to fuck. And I give her what she wants.

How…? How the fuck does it feel so good? Her pussy, warm, soaking around me. Takes everything to not lose my head. How the fuck does she feel so good? Fuck…This is nothing like the fantasy.

She does this little rock of her hips to match me, to get more of me and I fucking can't. Feel my hand slam against the wall just above, bracing against it because this is-

"You feel so good," her words, a stormy passionate whisper by my ear, exactly what I’m thinkin’ about her, a moan. "You feel…so…good…ah!!"

The heat between us never fucking stops, presses us closer together. I can see this delicate drop of sweat snaking down her neck as I get another taste of her mouth, drowning us both as her hands rake through the back of my hair, pulling me eagerly closer as we fuck, nothing but heat and animal sounds of pleasure. This raw sort of desire between her body and mine, soft and savage.

I don’t know how much fucking longer I can go. Every time I feel my cock inside her again, thrust into her again, it gets so much fucking harder to control it. To not cum, to keep making her moan. I can barely keep my eyes open, both of us panting. I-

Suddenly, she pushes me hurriedly off her and climbs on top, not letting me inside her just yet. Just sitting on me, catching her breath in the moonlight, hands on my chest, her hair wild over her shoulder, knowing I need to slow down.

She lets out these beautiful exhales, one breath, two, showing me the state I reduce her to, knowing she does the same to me. And then, lifts herself a bit and lets her pussy slide against me, softly back and forth, swaying her hips slow and seductive against my cock. It ain’t much of a break but it gives me a chance to have some sort of lucid thought as I watch her.

And then lets me inside her again, now the one in control. She sits there on top of me, my cock inside her, just watching me with this intense gaze, her eyes shining, sensual. And then little by little she starts to move, riding me, hands hard against my chest, holding herself up. Just these subtle movements at first, barely lifting her pretty ass, making me start from the beginning.

And this view from below…Fuck. Her movements intensify, her body rocks more and more, her breasts beginning to bounce softly as she keeps riding me. This fucking gorgeous view…These hips. My hands reach out for her hips again. I want you harder, faster. I want you to torment me more. Fucking more.

She lets me guide her body with my hands, going deeper, harder for me, taking her hands off my chest now that I’ve got her, arching her back again, hands behind her head as the breath she just caught runs away on her again, mine already long gone. I don’t think I ever seen anything so fucking beautiful. Just there, on top of me. My fucking everything.

And then there’s this pure overwhelming fucking need. This need twisting its way inside me. I sit up and grab her, my arms around her. Remember how much she loves to be held. I remember everything, from that first moment. And all the moments after that. Like an uphill trail leading up to this one. Everythin’ that happened. Without all that we wouldn’t be here. All those days, weeks, months of tortured waiting, tormented by doubts and unfulfilled desire, so much tension that it couldn’t possibly not fucking snap.

And now here.

Now I’ve got her. I’ve got her. Everything leading up to this moment. Now I’ve got her I think, my arms tight around her, her lips all over my face as she rides me, fucks me with her beautiful little body as if making up for all that lost time.

And it becomes more than about this, the sex, the hopeless lust. There’s something more that I can’t quite put into words. This pure overwhellming fucking need. Not just to fuck and feel her body against me, not just to please and hear her breathless moans but something else…Intense and overpowering.

The need for her.

I give in to it. Let myself feel every fucking drop of it. The need for this other person.

I’m pressing her so close it must hurt but she just whimpers and moans, never letting me go, never letting her hips stop. The night is running away on us but there’s no fucks to give.

Didn’t think it was possible to feel something like this. So fucking intense that it feels it will either kill you or make you invincible, and you don’t care either way.

I can’t fucking hold it back anymore, my hand in her hair, bringing her closer, pressing her mouth against mine, drowning out her moans, my own snarling groans.

This is too fucking intense.

Strands of her hair stick to her face, I can feel the sweat, mine and hers. Just one more moment. One more moment darlin’. Give me one more.

I can feel her body start to tense up again as I keep her mouth pressed against mine, her sweet gasping moans trapped. And then she manages to break free just long enough to say:

“Cum!” And plunge right back into kissing me and that’s the fucking undoing of me.

I don’t fucking care how loud we are now. I feel my whole body on edge like I ain’t ever felt before. Like something sinking its teeth into me, and it feels so fucking good. Something beyond my control. I feel her shudder against me, a trail of moans as if pain mixed with pleasure, all the hope and despair of the last months, moans one after another and my body follows hers, at once powerless and feeling a strength I ain’t ever felt before, nothing like this. This thing completely overtaking all my senses and yet leaving me in complete control. I feel myself cum hard into her wet, awaiting pussy, her wanting, warm pussy, her body entwined around mine.

She keeps going a little while longer, this soft, tender rock against me as I grip her close panting hard, knowing it’s making me feel good, riding out her own orgasm.

What the fuck just happened?

Neither of us can find the words. Dazed. I don’t think either of us expected it to be that fucking…intense. Shame on us. How else would it have been? Knowing all the feelings we’d been hiding, fighting against. Should’ve known.

I lean my forehead against her shoulder for a few moments, close my eyes, taking all this in, breathing in her warm scent.

When I open them again the cat is there, sitting at the door, staring at me, completely unimpressed. I didn’t even notice her leave her box before. Too fucking busy fucking the love of my life.

I stare at her right back.

“None of your business,” I mutter, getting my breathing under control. But she just keeps staring.

“What?” She whips around, surprised by my voice in the silence, seeing the cat. “Oh, we must have woken her up,” she says softly, still caressing my forehead.

Delilah gives us another glance then turns her nose up and exits.

“Bloody cats,” I say, scowling after her.

She looks at me. And then she laughs. And then I laugh. And then she kisses me and falls back into my bed with me.

I know you love to be held.

We lie there, facing each other for a while. I have no idea what time it is anymore. I have a feeling we’re not that far from sunrise.

I feel like I want to say somethin’ but the right words just don’t come. She doesn’t seem to mind, gently runs the tip of her finger down my nose, down my face.

“You’re very handsome,” she says, smile in the moonlight.

“What? No,” I joke, dismissing the idea. “You sure? Nah…”

“Take the compliment,” her smile grows bigger.

“Make me,” I grin back.

“Don’t you start,” she waves her finger, a dangerous seductive warning.

“Or else what?” I say.

She rolls her eyes, exasperated and turns away laughing for a moment before coming back to me, eyes more excited, brighter than I’ve ever seen them. And then turns serious.

“I’m sorry I said those-” she starts but I don’t want to hear any of that, my hand over her pretty mouth.

“Don’t,” I say as she tries to keep talking.

She pulls my hand away.

“I didn’t-”

“Oi,” I say and take her chin. If my hand doesn’t work then this might. I kiss her, until she stops resisting. I don’t want to hear it because I was a fucking idiot. And if we start, we’ll be apologising until fucking Christmas.

It starts off playful and she’s still trying to disentangle herself, say what she wanted to say but I press on and soon it’s silent and deep and no room to breathe, my hand on the small of her back, pressing her close again.

When I’m done, seems she’s long forgotten what she was going to say.

Good.

Stare at each other again. I can’t take my fucking eyes off this woman. If I don’t do something, we’re headed for round two any minute.

“Hey,” I say, doing my best impression of my agitated, defensive high-school self, “you wanna be my girlfriend?”

She bursts out laughing. I’m glad.

“O…M…G…” she says, “I thought you would like…totally…never ask.”

“Is that a yes?” I say in the same brusque manner.

Her laughter quietens down for a moment.

“Is that what you really want?” She says, nothing but kindness, not expecting anything in particular.

“Yeah,” I say, dropping the act.

“Are you sure?” She says.

“Don’t you start,” I warn her.

“Or else what?” She teases. “You going to spank me?”

“Hey, whatever your kink is, I’m down,” I say my hand slipping down her body, back around, giving my favourite ass a good squeeze.

“Harder,” she moans dramatically, and I oblige, the pleasure all mine, until she’s laughing again, eyes closed, enjoying herself. All the heaviness hanging over us from the previous night gone.

Then suddenly opens them again.

“What are people going to say?” She asks. “I’m dating an eighteen year old.”

“Ah, well, here’s the best part,” I inform her, grinning from ear to ear. “You’re not.”

“What? What do you mean? Wait…no! When?” She slaps my shoulder. “Why didn’t you tell me?! When?”

“Doesn’t matter,” I try to wave it away but she won’t have it.

“When?” She says and I know I gotta answer or else.

“Yesterday,” I say honestly.

“Garou…” she says, her voice suddenly quiet and tender.

“Oi, don’t feel fuckin’ sorry for me,” I say. “It’s just a fuckin’ birthday. It ain’t like they don’t happen every year. If it makes you feel any better, no one knew last year, or the year before that, or the one before.”

“Somehow, that doesn’t make me feel any better,” she says. “Honestly…" she pauses, propping herself up on her elbow. "We're going to celebrate tomorrow.” And that’s final, according to her.

She lies back down, facing me.

“So young,” she grins. “You’ve got your whole life ahead of you,” I feel the back of her fingers lightly down my cheek.

“So do you,” I say.

So young…I think of the words. She wasn’t teasing or anything but I get this worry inside.

“Do you regret it?” I say. Everything we just did. Do you regret it?

She pauses her hand, looking at me carefully.

“No,” she says quietly, assured of her answer. “But I was thinking you might,” she whispers.

I can’t keep convincing her with words. I fucking can’t.

I pull her in closer, hand under her thigh, pulling it up onto me, hitching up around my waist. Hand on the small of her back and give it to her again watching her eyes light up, hands grab onto me.

And we fuck again, slow, hard. She pulls me in, kissing me over and over, the tip of her tongue tracing across mine as I thrust into her again and again, hear her whimper again for me, tremble again for me, and the world recedes one more time and there’s only her and me in the hot, in the dark, face to face.

“Never…” I manage to start between her kisses, voice hoarse from everything she does to me, “...say that…again.”

All I hear is “Mmmhhh…oh!”

“Ever,” I repeat as I feel her against me, losing herself more and more with every stroke of my cock in her already wet, soaking hot little pussy and then so do I. Lose myself, let myself stop thinking and just feel this.

Feel it between us, all the taboos fallen away, nothing holding it back anymore.

It had started with that one moment at the window. This time months ago. Sown itself between us, pulling us both in, and all the while we were tryin’ to be polite. Tryin’ to ignore it, ignore the fact that we were both in too fuckin’ deep. As if ignoring it meant it didn’t exist.

It was never going to work like that.

It was too fucking powerful, more powerful than either of us.

It was always going to end up like this. We were going to get here or die trying.

I feel her body so close, quiver against me again, her mouth soft against mine as I get her close, closer, feeling almost there myself as she rubs against me.

There is no fucking distance anymore. Not a fucking inch.

I make sure of that.

“Garou…” I hear this bare, sweet moan.

I know. I know you’re about to cum darlin’. You’re making me lose my fucking head again, my fucking mind, with your sighs and your moans, and your desperate little body rocking against me.

I feel her hand on my chest, pressing against me, as if feeling my heartbeat, lost in her own pleasure. I feel her hand there. It’s still beatin’. You see what you do?

I know you love to be held.

I wrap my arm around her.

“Garou…! Garou…” her voice, her words hot against my mouth, fingers digging into me and then she presses her hips hard against mine and there’s this soft shudder, over and over as she sighs and gasps into me. Urges me to cum with the sway of her hips.

Fuck. Fuck…I push into her again, one more time before she takes me completely over the fucking edge with her as she encourages my groans, but I feel like I’m fucking growling, turning into an animal.

“Wolf,” she breathes, biting her lip, squeezing her eyes shut, the orgasm tensing her body against me harder than she expected.

Yes, I’ll be your fucking wolf, your fucking anything, I think as I cum inside her again as she buries her face in my neck, as she loves every moment of it, running her warm hand over my face and I’m breathing fucking hard.

Waited. Waited so fucking long, her and I, I think as I pull her impossibly closer, wanting to feel every part of her against me. Never getting enough.

I’d been waiting, dreaming, fucking hoping about this for so fucking long, I think as I feel her relax again, safe against me. Everything fucking behind us now. And we forget the outside world exists. It doesn’t fucking matter anymore. It’s just you and me. Not a single fucking regret.

I ain’t ever letting go. My love.

#garou #garou fanfiction #garouxreader #garou x reader #reader insert #garou x y/n #opm fanfiction #one punch man fanfiction

[pocket-poly]

The last 6mths have been an upheaval to what I knew as family. My life is choas normally but this is has been years of festering that's finally beeing addressed.

Grieving family relationships with people whom still are very much alive but no longer in my life by my choice because I've learned boundaries. (Only took me 35 years to start learning and 3 years to enforce them)

I'd be lying if I claimed this new life I'm actively building is a peaceful place of sunshine and rainbows. Because remodeling anything figuratively or literally is a messy progression of tearing down, repairing and redesign. And doing so when your actually living in the place of remodeling isnt easy. The mess the chaos and the clutter is madness in its own right. And no matter how great the end game may become its always a longer process than it was ever intended to be

The unlearning of people pleaseing traits that once severed me as I lived in survival mode among narcissistic people to try and hold the family together are commonly inconvenient to those around me. I made every effort to show up, arrive, fix,support, help. I made time to show up in every way i could. The word no is a complete sentence; and let me tell you, that pisses people off.

I'm emotional. I'm aware. I'd like to say I've done really well at walking away, cooling off and not making knee jerk reactions. Most days people have no idea how close I am to becoming a puddle of tears or an enraged monster. To be honest. I guess, until today, I also had no idea.

Until lastnight, a relationship with a partner, whom I thought, we were simply riding out the storm of covid and hardships in our lives was brought to my attention is no longer enough. And Im leaving someone I love dearly unfulfilled, and unhappy.

Im fully aware the transition I'm navigating leaves ME less available. But for quiet some time available has not been a mutual offering and I was left to accept it and navigating how to make what I WAS given OKAY or quit. So i did the work to change, and accpet the new normal. I worked to accept appreciate what i had, Because that was all they had to offer given thier hardships and struggles. But now it seems that isnt enough for them. And i dont know what to do. I dont have a full glass to pour from beyond my own and I AM actively working on filling MY own cup.

New me wants to throw up my hands and say fine, go find your happiness. Its an inside job and I can NOT save you. But in polyam we already have that freedom. So, what is the healthy, and responsibility of mine to carry?

Old me wants Arguments about how WE got here, but that wouldnt do anything but hash out old feelings. How would that possibility do any good? It wouldn't.

While it took all my bravery in a half asleep mind frame to express what i have been working on in therapy last night, only it wasnt comprehend clearly. They were not coherent to engage in a conversation they started. So, all those feeling nicely explained and thought thru, got lost in the night.

Being emotional I slept like shit. I woke earlier than planned and just dove head first into my day. One problem after another 🙄 and its only noon.

My husband has been gone all week for work. My partner is unhappy. My home and mental health is legitimately under renovations. And trying hard to learn healthy boundaries, meeting people where they are, and not bleed on those that haven't hurt me.

Last night when they expressed they were unhappy in all thier relationships. I was aware this isnt all my weight to carry. And I dont know how fixing ours is going to help what is clearly a much bigger thing than what we have. Again

happiness is an inside job

I like to think we have weathered and changed thur the shit the last 2.7 years has thrown at us. Changing what we had to what we could have. And finding peace with that. The happiness i brought to the table propelled them through the rest. Its not the power I have or the energy I have to carry and mange that. I love them. We are poly. I am in no place to provide a physical relationship, my emotional needs arent met and I dont hold ANYONE to that chore as I am navigating my own healing. But I am demi sexual. And I cant be sexual and physical until I find comfrot and healing. Which i am fully responsible for. If this isnt something they have the power to ride out with me I understand. Thier plate is thier own to determine what they are willing to do, withstand, handle and I peroanally know how difficult and full it is.

Ive stood by thier side through a lot of crap in our time together. And they owe me NOTHING But i wont stand in their way of happiness regardless of my love for them

Our dynamic and relationship has changed many times over 2.7 years, I am only 1 of 4 parts of thier poly relationships and im only responsible for that one. What we had and what we have are VERY VERY different things. And no i dont think going back is an option. Is never really is. But making what we have work and the opportunity to build new things are.

I am a fixer, a caregiver, a helper.

I cant fix thier financial situation, job, marriage, sex life and i have had to learn how to love someone and not fix them. And that's where i am.

Unlearning people pleaseing, advocating for what's mine to carry, loving people where they are, and taking responsibility for my own happiness.

If you have read this far... thank you. 😊 this is a small place I work out my thoughts and feelings and share with those navigating poly and thier own healing and happiness

#poly life #polyamory #polyamorous #dating #polyamourous #life lessons #healing #therapy

[tsukasageorge]

you want me, i want you, but love will devour us all too quickly

WARNING: these poems discuss dark topics such as death and suicide. if you're not in the mood for something sad (or long) please take care of yourself and don't read this.

you

you are calm bordering on indifferent bordering on apathetic

which you're glad to be

but when you do get mad you throw darts at the board

and you are too upset to aim, so you miss

and you miss

and you miss

and every hole in the wall is another hole in your heart

until you collapse to the floor, bleeding.

want

you want to be an actor or an artist or an animator but you still remember when you didn't want to be anything but gone.

you want to be loved by all, but you told me all those years ago that love and hate aren't so different.

you want to be pretty, skinny, funny, smart, strong, fast, talented. back then you wanted to be kind too, didn't you? oh, how time flies.

you want to be more than you are, and that's okay, but it doesn't mean

that you will ever

be more

than nothing.

me

you always did tell me you loved me.

not to my face

but to my hair when you braided it before we went to bed

to my hands when you squeezed them and promised me it'd be alright

to my shoulders when you happily wrapped your arms around them

and to my eyes

my eyes that refuse to leave you

even after the black body bag is wheeled out of sight.

I

I lay in the barkchips on warm summer evenings to watch the stars and see if they've changed

slowly but surely they move across the sky like snails

and i think about how even though they're already dead

they're still on a journey

their light touching planets an unfathomable distance away

i think about how those stars went up in flames and brought their whole solar system down with them

and I think about how we look at those stars and see them as beautiful, not as things that raised billions of organisms just to kill them one day.

im sure that there is just as much blood on my hands as there is on those stars

and i can only hope that some way, some how, i can make up for all the people who's lives i stole

by ending my own.

want

perhaps the want is where it all started.

a tiger hunts its prey not because it wants to, but because it needs to.

a rabbit runs from a wolf not because it wants to, but because it needs to.

life is pushed by need

and only when you no longer need

can you begin to want

humans survived the need

but be careful, the rabbit warns

want will swallow you whole.

you

you don't remember all the times that you ran ahead of me when we were little

never asking me where we should go next

only leaving me to clean up after you

but i do

and you don't remember the time you had a panic attack and ran through the forest and got lost, but you do remember me hugging you after we finally found each other and really, that's all that's worth remembering.

you pretend you don't remember the time i showed up at your house mid-mental breakdown and begged you to tell me why she did that to me. why she said that when i was just a little kid, when i loved her more than myself.

and i pretend i don't remember you making me packet hot cocoa and calming me down and binge watching game shows together until we fell asleep on your bed

i guess we thought ignoring it would be best

but id give away my heart, my body, and my soul to have one more night like that with you

even knowing what I'd wake up to the next day

because I never wanted to let you die

somewhere that wasn't in my arms.

but

all the other towns have found their river

all the other cities have built their dams

i sit by a muddy puddle

watching the frog that sits in it

hoping that one day it'll leap away and show me the way

but it's dead

and i'm dead

and you're dead

i may not be able to feel love

but i think i can understand

the fear of losing it.

love

you are nothing without love.

you can have your fancy car

and your pathetic little family

you can work as hard as you want

for as long as you want

until your flesh tears from bone, for all I care

but nothing you do will ever matter

because you can't feel it.

love is the only light in this world.

love is the only joy in this world.

without it you are useless.

so, so useless.

will

a want is where it started and a will is where it ended.

you wanted to love me

i wanted to love you

and so we did.

we loved.

i said i wanted to spend my whole life with you

but life can only get you so far,

so let's give death a try, huh?

as it turns out, a will to live and a will to lie

are not so different after all.

devour

you're never really satisfied, you know.

you're like a black hole

breathing in galaxies but never breathing out

I hope one day you learn that

you can devour as many planets as you want

but that will never fill the void inside of you.

us

we're like a firework in a pond

a wheel that bounces instead of turns

lily pads scattering the halls

a sky on fire, we watch the clouds burn.

we're like a long car ride at midnight

a painting of pinocchio 

the three blue eyes on the wall

a tiger chasing a doe

and we set the sky on fire

we watch the world burn

but none of it matters

we'll all be devoured soon anyways.

all

on a warm summer night, as we were lying in the bark chips you told me

about life. about death. about flaws.

and you told me people are all the same

spending their time trying to honor the dead

rather than celebrate the living

but you suppose you don't mind

recieving flowers for your suffering

(that's why i always bought bouquets for the table.)

you always said that one life is insignificant compared to the planet, the universe.

my question is,

are the fractions worth the same as the whole?

are the many really more valuable than the few?

do we all add up to anything

but tragedy?

you had no answer,

but i asked anyway.

too

we're driving fast through the night

as the shadows chase our car

like monsters drilling minutes into the clock that winds

and winds until it explodes. 

we're going too far too fast and there's sirens begging us to stop but we can't stop. not yet.

i clutch my phone to my chest

still set to the message your mother sent me

and i hope that you can hear me

because we always did have a funny way of reading each other's thoughts.

right now my thoughts are full of

I should have noticed

I should have seen the voices screaming valor winding and winding

and now you've exploded

and what am I left to do but follow in your footsteps yet again?

and i know that you can hear me

because you always did have a funny way of reading my thoughts

but it seems like 

too fast for us

was too little, too late. 

quickly

i never did like time.

the thought of death didn't bother me

hell, heaven, or nothing,

it didn't matter because i wouldn't be alone.

but the way the little red hand ran in circles

feeling the life i had left slip through  my fingers like sand

never knowing how much there was

or how it would run out

felt much worse

than love ever could.

did you find it annoying,

me trailing behind you

talking about how time was too slow and too quick at the same time

never shutting up

or leaving you alone?

probably.

you thought you could get rid of me, didn't you?

well, too bad

im not letting you go just yet.

there's a long road to tomorrow

but it'll be yesterday before we know it.

thank you for reading!

#death tw #poetry #suicide tw #poem #suicide mention #writing #long post

[1d1195]

HELP THE WAY HES SO DOWN BAD FOR HER LITERALLY HAD ME BLUSHING AHHDHSHAHA YOURE AMAZING THE “This is better than an undefeated record😍” TEXT HAD ME GOING🤭🤭🤭 HAHAHAHA

i genuinely can’t wait for more of them and the end ??? omg plssss tell me he finds out and he gets pissed and overprotective bc i would genuinely MELT into a puddle he’s so perfect

funny cause black and white is one of my TOPS from him for sure. also when The Show came out i was obsessed with you could start a cult. (i was so obsessed with the whole album actually it was on repeat for the longest time but ykyk)

i’m going to come clean. i’m a swiftie✋ not the crazy i’m-waiting-outside-her-door-and-stalking-her-jet-swiftie but im a huge fan of her music. (the anti-hero thing is sooo real of you) i’m gonna recommend a few of her songs for you though just for if you ever feel like listening to them !!

Slut! (don’t be put off by the title this is actually such a cutesy love song it’s one of my absolute FAVORITES by her)

Cornelia street, Call it what you want, New year’s day, Afterglow, State of grace (acoustic), Red, High infidelity , I don’t wanna live forever ft. zayn, Clean, King of my heart, Maroon, My tears ricochet, Ivy, You’re on your own kid, Treacherous, The 1, Cardigan

OMG that was me trying to hold back i’m so sorry but if you ever listen to these let me know i’d love to hear your opinion !!

~🎶

I love the idea of texting Harry so I try to throw it in as much as possible in my writing but I def feel like I hit a winner with this one hehehe No comment on overprotective in the coming part(s) 🤭😉

I LOVED On My Own by Niall as well. It sometimes pops into my head while I'm just hanging out. I think he's so real for saying he'd marry his bed. Extremely relatable.

I love that you're a swiftie! She writes and sings really great music and it's not secret she's created an amazing musical culture for herself and her fans. It's really nice! I'm excited to see what songs I'll like off her new album. Definitely sounds like an album I'll appreciate.

I do like tons of songs by her. I think it's pretty hard not to when they're everywhere. I love You're on Your Own Kid, it came out when my first group of students i ever taught were graduating that summer and I was a mess. Honestly just thinking about it makes me teary 😭

Taylor ft. Zayn was SO crazy to me, I loved it so much. I think Red is such a bop tbh hahahaha The rest you mentioned I don't think I've ever given a full listen! But I will def reblog and let you know once I give them all a listen. I loved 1989 because of Harry of course. Style, Out of the Woods, Wildest Dreams, This Love, You Are in Love 😍 BUT Say Don't Go is WOW I think I played it, I don't know, 9000 times between October and December. I think it was the ONLY song I played. There are so many more songs I like by her but I don't want to bore you! I will give your recommendations a listen and report back!!!

xoxo

#🎶 #ding

[majoranna]

Celebrations, séance, madness, mysticism with sound and movement

- notes on death, grief, art and life

march hit hard with the quiet celebration of women, engulfed in the first year of commemoration of my mother's death. How is mid march finding you?

I'm talking about death. It's weird to talk about it because we know nothing. It's like, the most real fantasy. But I've met him. ☄

He is the strongest force I´ve met so far, a very intense guy, and you´ll very unlikely to ever be the same, after meeting him. Before Death was Illness, and she was suffocating, very very scary, and the longer time you share with her, the smaller scale of perception you seem to have. They often come hand in hand, and they turn you upside down and inside out and at the end you are left with utter chaos.

Is it chaos though, or does it only seem so for a second, until we realize is it instead a peek over the edge from where one sees the Order of things the first time in their lives? 

Things never make sense at the beginning. Reading the first pages, you wonder what's all this and where will it take you? The first movements, finding the ground under your feet, recognizing your spine is rusty and your shoulders are sleeping. Wondering, how this is going to be a dance? Mixing colors, drawing lines, disliking what we see, feeling lost, and wondering, to what end is all this making happening at all? That is when you decide to just wait, and see. To continue until you find out. I see that as a moment of saying yes to my own life. 

On the 9th of March, 2023, leaving my office, heading to see my boss, I collapsed onto the bottom of the big orange lino staircase in the Opera House, as my sister rang me on the phone. She said "Szia" , and her voice landed in my body as warm light and expanding space. I knew what she'd say, and I am not even sure she actually said anything else. We cried together gently, listening to each other sob, and then she said "I'll go back to Mum ''and we hung up. My tears were pouring like rain as they do now, as I write, reliving the moments that are still very much alive and present with me.

Do you remember where you were on that Day? 

I went up to the office and the first person I shared my grief with was my boss. I don't think she knows but she's done something real that day. She showed so much compassion, and strength, through her hug and humanity, I will always be grateful. She told me to go home, and I did, because she said so, not because my mind or my body had any idea what one is supposed to do, when they become aware of their mothers death. It felt a little like the movie scene, im thinking specifically of the one in Rogue One, with the meteor landing and fire pouring over the horizon, as you hold on to someone you love, and everything burns. Except I seemed to have been very much left alive. So I did what the alive people do when people die.

I went home to the Hungarian countryside, and took care of paperwork and payment and inheritance. Bureaucracy. Madness. Insanity. At the end of the month I buried my mother, not the way I wish it would have been, but the way it was. In my mind she isn't buried yet, although at least I do not await her homecoming in my dreams anymore.

After her actual funeral I got really gross drunk on pálinka (a strong hungarian schnaps) and sweated a puddle in my dream afterwards. No joke it looked like I pissed the bed but from my entire body. 

It starts with the ashes, but the aftermath was not a burnt out world and no life. Instead It was matter, plentiful and in tiny pieces. All the matter I've ever interacted with, parted in no way from my being,  was spread in every direction until the eye can see and the mind can comprehend, way beyond the outer bodies reach. It is expanding space, lights playing, sounds twirling and you, you are all of this. there is no you and.. there is just incomprehensive sensations, which you are.

I took some time off here and there but basically I just kept working as much as I could. It felt like being frozen. I freeze up now, as I allow myself to remember, to tap into those feelings again, from a distance far enough in time, that they are so small I can hold them again. The dream journey of this period of grief was indescribably beautiful, a reliving of a relationship through the most alive fragments of my mother in me, one by one becoming the lasts, the last time we hugged, and the last words we spoke, and the last time I heard her voice. My semi-conscious sleeping mind, was such a beautiful place to be, as I could not possibly have imagined, because I could still be with her. Revisiting the memories of the dreams is still so painful I do not wish to let myself too close, as I am afraid, they take me further out to the edge of the galaxy, from where is no way back.

After 8 months or so, I finally realized, I need to stop, and exit the frames I used to operate within. I have changed so much inside, I could not have the outside be a constant reminder of my previous self. She, whom I was clinging to, whom I missed dearly, and I would have given anything to be her again. The Anna I was, before she met Death. We weren´t always best friends with her either of course, when I was her, but all I could see, and feel was the weight of life now being so real. Her lightness, silly irresponsability, ability to laugh and play and make love, felt like concepts I wasn´t sure I could ever relate to wholeheartedly again.

But the only thing that was crystal clear from moment one, was that I was never going to do anything, only what I can do wholeheartedly.

So I quit my job, I made space.

https://www.behance.net/gallery/170665713/Abstract-Mixed-media-Landscape

https://www.shutterstock.com/shutterstock/videos/1016277991/preview/stock-footage-big-bang-the-origin-of-the-black-hole-bright-futuristic-composition.webm

☄ I apologize here, I do not intend to say men are somehow in any way more identifiable with death than women are, I wish to make the point that I think death is far enough from being human, as to not be given a gender. But I try to write authentically, and this sentence came to me this way. Same with Illness being she. Maybe I feel that way cause it was cancer eating my mum. dunno.

[preciouslandmermaid]

playlist anon here! Cornelia street ALMOST made it on the playlist, it just didn’t because I wanted more angst!!! I hope you enjoy it and i wanna know your thoughts if you’re willing to share when you finish your listen☺️

I'm actually gonna put all my thoughts on this reply, lmao. And I'm typing these up as I listen so uhh this might be a rambled mess LMAO.

Track 1: IMPECCABLE CHOICE. we really cannot have a playlist without the star of the show ;) ~ i love cigarettes after sex lol they're so moody and sensual. show stopping. incredible. iconic. Track 2: TAYLOR!!! SWIFT!!! God, I love gold rush so much. esp the line; "I don't like anticipating my face in a red flush" because i think it perfectly encapsulates how the reader feels about carmy. her desire for distance, her uneasiness about her affection/fondness, the vulnerability that he unknowingly teases from her. Track 3: I've never heard this song before. I know of HAIM. But, wow this song really gave me like BUTTERFLIES. Especially these two lines: "We're watching the sunrise from the kitchen counter // When you're lyin' between my legs it doesn't matter." like 👀👀👀 HELLO?

Track 4: Yeah, this one - like - taylor swift is so good at writing songs about yearning LMAO. Just. * Chef kiss.* Track 5: MITSKI. MITSKI. MITSKI!!!! Is it really a playlist if we don't have mitski? answer: no it is not! ugh. "baby will u kiss me arleady?" LIKE DAMN, TRUE. MISTKI!!! WILL HE?? Track 6: Okay, I need my girl by the national. is. the most yearning-of-songs to ever yearn. this song really captures what it feels to be like "outside" - not relating to peers, or family, and feeling like you have this connection to a specific person who even when you feel small/insecure/weak/etc---this person is who can pull you out of it, who softens the edges of the world, :.) i love them sfm. Track 7: hi taylor. This song is so carmy-coded. "And it's hard to be at a party when I feel like an open wound" and this one too: "And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad" -- carmy knows EXACTLY what to say to cut someone deep. ha ha. this line, especially, feels very carmy/mikey to me: "I didn't know if you'd care if I came back I have a lot of regrets about that" COOL, COOL, NOW IM FUCKING CRYING.

Track 8: emotional damage. emotional damage. how dare u put phoebe bridgers on this playlist. i weep. this song perfectly captures the grief that they (reader and carmy) share. 😭

Track 9: I've never heard this song but it got me with the FIRST LINE. "in the car in the backseat" HELLO?? fucking IMMACULATE. also, like yes reader IS a fucking mess. they're both messy. and yet "I believe that you see me for who I am" [SCREAMING INTO MY PILLOW AND WALKS INTO THE OCEAN]

Track 10: wow this song is also so THEM. "All the skeletons you hide. Show me yours, and I'll show you mine." hi, i will need 7-10 business days to process this, thnx. goodbye. u really weren't lying when you said you wanted angst. u know that meme of the stick-figure guy lying on the ground in a puddle of his own tears? That's me.

Track 11: Hoax by Tswift is so Carmy-coded. I think Taylor wrote all these songs for him, actually. but, also the references to shades of blue, make me think of reader looking to Carmy's eyes. both romantic and lowkey fucking SAD. are u trying to fucking kill me??

Track 12: it's about the yearning. i just love the concept that this song implies that like no matter how much you try to push someone out, they can still get under ur skin. HAHA WALKING INTO THE OCEAN AGAIN.

Track 13: i made the mistake of looking up the lyrics to this song so i could include my favorite line and then the internet told me that the meaning of this song could be interpreted as "pouring love into someone and they only give a fraction back in return." wow that hurts bestie. but also the ending of this song, the way it picks up, and the crescendo of music (im not a musician) its giving ~crying while sliding down the wall in the golden light of pre-sunset and clutching ur phone to ur chest.~

Track 14: wow this song fucking slaps? Also screaming at the chrous: "Is it insensitive for me to say - Get your shit together? - So I can love you" LOSING IT. I feel like it could be taken both ways, Reader's view to Carmy and his view to her. Like. Hmmm. besties. I'm feeling like these two might be grenades thrown at each other. hahahah.

Track 15: WE GOT HOZIER?? damn!! I feel like you went into the cosmos and found all the bangers I had forgotten about or simply never heard. God, I love his folky, gentle vibe. I feel like this would be the perfect song to have played during the wedding scene when they're both sitting in front of Lake Michigan, talking about loss, and their budding friendship.

Track 16: "The devil's in the details but you've got a friend in me." Again, are you TRYING to kill me?? Honestly, all of these songs could apply to SOME part, some scene of this fic, and I want to THROW MYSELF INTO THE SUN!! also like the line....."Give you the silence that only comes when two people understand each other". that's it. I'm listening to the rest of these from beyond the grave. also like ugh the way this song embodies being THERE for someone but not being able to u know fix the shit they're going thru or heal it and just having to accept that.

Track 17: daddy hozier is back! this song is just ugh so romantic. i feel like hozier is the only Man to Ever Exsist, imo, and get it. He gets it! Also, this song makes me feel like being "brought to life" by love and uguuugghh. I know ur going for an angst angle but this song makes me feel so warm and cozy x)

Track 18: WOW THIS SONG IS SOOO READER. This is her song. You've done it. You've cracked the code. I think this song could be interpreted as her feelings for Carmy, but also, on a larger scale--The Bakery--when it came into her life, everything changed, and she now has something to prove, something to work for. I'm in AWE of ur mind, anon.

Track 19: oh ok we're back to being sad, I GUESS. GOSH. EVERMORE?? Pls!!!! The way this song describes a story of grief and how it feels like it's going to last forever, but it doesn't. Time actually does heal wounds. You just have to make it through the months, through the cold, and into safety and warmth. What a PERFECT ending song choice.

how i feel about this playlist (affectionate)

#fic: nghb feedback #long post #this is so incoherent im sorry lsdjfdslkfjsdl (not sorry) #i have the biggest grin on my face LMAO