#<- <- <- DONT DO THAT ACTUALLY

[inkskinned]

because sometimes there are invisible tests and invisible rules and you're just supposed to ... know the rule. someone you thought of as a friend asks you for book recommendations, so you give her a list of like 30 books, each with a brief blurb and why you like it. later, you find out she screenshotted the list and send it out to a group chat with the note: what an absolute freak can you believe this. you saw the responses: emojis where people are rolling over laughing. too much and obsessive and actually kind of creepy in the comments. you thought you'd been doing the right thing. she'd asked, right? an invisible rule: this is what happens when you get too excited.

you aren't supposed to laugh at your own jokes, so you don't, but then you're too serious. you're not supposed to be too loud, but then people say you're too quiet. you aren't supposed to get passionate about things, but then you're shy, boring. you aren't supposed to talk too much, but then people are mad when you're not good at replying.

you fold yourself into a prettier paper crane. since you never know what is "selfish" and what is "charity," you give yourself over, fully. you'd rather be empty and over-generous - you'd rather eat your own boundaries than have even one person believe that you're mean. since you don't know what the thing is that will make them hate you, you simply scrub yourself clean of any form of roughness. if you are perfect and smiling and funny, they can love you. if you are always there for them and never admit what's happening and never mention your past and never make them uncomfortable - you can make up for it. you can earn it.

don't fuck up. they're all testing you, always. they're tolerating you. whatever secret club happened, over a summer somewhere - during some activity you didn't get to attend - everyone else just... figured it out. like they got some kind of award or examination that allowed them to know how-to-be-normal. how to fit. and for the rest of your life, you've been playing catch-up. you've been trying to prove that - haha! you get it! that the joke they're telling, the people they are, the manual they got- yeah, you've totally read it.

if you can just divide yourself in two - the lovable one, and the one that is you - you can do this. you can walk the line. they can laugh and accept you. if you are always-balanced, never burdensome, a delight to have in class, champagne and glittering and never gawky or florescent or god-forbid cringe: you can get away with it.

you stare at your therapist, whom you can make jokes with, and who laughs at your jokes, because you are so fucking good at people-pleasing. you smile at her, and she asks you how you're doing, and you automatically say i'm good, thanks, how are you? while the answer swims somewhere in your little lizard brain:

how long have you been doing this now? mastering the art of your body and mind like you're piloting a puppet. has it worked? what do you mean that all you feel is... just exhausted. pick yourself up, the tightrope has no net. after all, you're cheating, somehow, but nobody seems to know you actually flunked the test. it's working!

aren't you happy yet?

#almost wrote the champagne line as ''effervescent'' but legit could not write it without saying ''effervescent like a snail'' #ah tumblr... #writeblr #warm up #idk . having trouble writing rn #ps i don't like to talk about it . it is my medical information. but before you ask. yes this is about being on the spectrum #i really don't like when ppl make my writing about how im [whatever ID]. i want it to ring true for the people who it rings true for #i don't want it to be like ''awwwww look at this person!!! she's the EXCEPTION!!! :)" ..... #no.... not really..... #idk something gross happens whenever i admit to certain conditions and i turn into like inspiration p*rnography #like yes they actually let us use keyboards these days #furthermore i just... dont feel comfortable talking about this part of me. i had too bad of a childhood. adhd is one thing... #this one im like. still coming to terms with. which is like. my own journey. #idk. just please be kind. some things are more private than others. this one feels private to me. #i do not know how to help others w/this . and i do not know how to help myself. i will talk about it if im ever ready. idk if that will #actually ever happen #ty in advance i love u im kissing you we are kissing somewhere on the spectrum

[thepixelatedcactus]

flying the original character artist flag with pride

#not actually complaining. if i cared about notes i would do more fandom stuff but I dont so I dont #and it's perfectly fine #but big shoutout to the people who like my ocs it means a lot #TPC's Not Art

[emberglowfox]

Keeper -- a short comic about an angel meeting a robotic lighthouse keeper that doesn't know the world has already ended. Made in about 18 hours for a 24-hour 24-page* black and white comic challenge (that I arrived late to, ha.)

*the actual submission does not include the cover, which was created after the fact for this post.

This was a really great learning experience as someone who's... never really made a completed comic. I ended up really attached to the story by the end of the project (possibly due to all-nighter deliriousness lol) and ultimately am very proud of what I made.There are some things I'd still like to change, particularly text placement, but in keeping with the spirit of the challenge I've elected to leave it as is.

#sparks art #comic #angel #robot #my art #my comics #keeper: the angel #keeper: the lighthouse keeper #my ocs #hoogh. this was a grind yall lmao. but i am pleased with it #i hope you enjoy :pray: also keep your fingers crossed for me that this wins the contest #like it. it wont. because i am up against actual SEQA kids that know what theyre doing. and i dont actually mind really #but it would be funny #long post #very long post #sorry #i hope the readmore works

[elainiisms]

it's almost like... if you play a movie in 10 cinemas worldwide, it doesn't do as well as it could 🤯🤯

#btw ik this is actually quite good i just wish sapphic films were given the chance to do as well as other movies #the way i need to leave the country if i want to see it #AND I DONT EVEN LIVE IN A SMALL COUNTRY I LIVE IN FUCKING AUSTRALIA #this is not aimed at the op btw they're just reporting it #anyways feeling anger #bottoms movie #bottoms 2023 #rachel sennott #ayo edebiri #ruby cruz #havana rose liu #nicholas galitzine #kaia gerber #wlw #lesbian #sapphic #elainposting

[fcntasmas-archive]

the last of us on hbo: here’s your first two episodes, full of the TERROR of humanity!! infected!! corrupt government!! marshal law!! senseless killing!!

us: ah

the last of us on hbo: and now for your third episode. the gut wrenching love story between two men who found each other at the end of the world and became so entangled in one another that when time finally wore them away, they left together. also on the nature of daylight plays over their last day together

us:

#actually i’m sobbing. #the last of us #the last of us hbo #tlou spoilers #me and meg: we dont want to do this anymore actually

[beybuniki]

they should go on a fishing trip pt.1

#DONT COMMENT ON THE BACKGROUND I KNOWWWWWWWWWWWW #anyway this is day 1. they take a bus. the bakugo household has fishing gear so ´deku is wearing bakugo's onesoe (?) and bakugo is wearing #his dad's. and notices he has grown :') #anyway they take a BUS and don't feel like doing this at all it's awkward for so many reason #also trying to relax after everything is neurologically just really hard they might be hyperivgilant dik #and there's so much they never got to unpack bnut they have to and they have to start somewhere and with someone #deku makes that flower crown while bakugo preps everything and they both look at it and are thrown back into their childhood 🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️🧍‍♀️ #and at first they just sit and wait for the bavarian fish to bite (rody should make a cameo tbh) but then bakugo breaks the iceeee. #and he starts with their moms because their moms have been such a stubbron connection between these two :') #and deku answers with the usual 'good :) how's your mom :)?' and to everyone's surprise he actually opens up #and tells deku about his mom's insomnia because she watched her son die (that shit was live streamed tpo 10 bnha tweets btw) #idk i love to think of their moms being a very easy subject to connect through i think it's easier for them that way to be more vulnerablei #and then some fish biteeeeeeeeeeee #but like 3 small ones so they have to gather berries and mushrooms and make stew (dw there's an aldi this is bavaria after all) #but yeah day 1 is a bit weird like it's just them in the woods with no distractions #which is so different from whatever went on during their 1st year of high school #don't read this i will throw up i just need this somewhere this is my public scrapbook #bnha #deku #midoriya izuku #bakugo katsuki #the flower crown on their knees makes this a bit homosexual but fishing is always homosexual im not fighting against that #au: #fishing

[trans-cuchulainn]

wish abled people would understand fluctuating disabilities more. i told my boss my knee was better today than friday and she's like "I'm glad it's slowly getting better" but it's not Getting Better, it's just having a good day (and tbh it's worse now than it was when I said that) and tomorrow it'll probably be unable to bear my weight again. like. stop thinking of these things as a straight line progression because they're not and I'm tired to having to explain every bad day like it's some bigass new problem when it's just. the nature of these things

#i also wish adobe acrobat would stop freezing on me because it's like the whole reason i came in today #bc i dont have acrobat at home #and it's being so shit I can't actually do any work #painblogging #disability

[bigfatbreak]

dad villain au: did emilie just. not consider at all that adrien was literally dying at the time. wow

she's in the habit of deciding when Adrien's suffering is acceptable, and if it is, she'll just fix it later.

#my art #adrien agreste #emelie agreste #gabriel agreste #dad villain au #mayura #as emelie faces zero consequences using the peacock she's more likely to utilize it in a way she didn't in the last timeline #last timeline she faced real problems. had to come to terms with her own eventual death. got to see action and reaction in process #in this timeline there was no consequences. so why shouldn't she make this as 'perfect' as possible? #before gabriel got his memories of the last timeline back he was actually pretty against her being weird abt adrien but eventually just #let her do whatever lmao. he was like. alright fine if it makes you happy dear #sure you can rearrange his genome so he cant catch chicken pox again whatver #as a result when things dont fit her delusions she gets upset moody or aggressive

[machinerot]

#my art #you know he was being a little shit #harry du bois #kim kitsuragi #harrykim #disco elysium #disco elysium fanart #this is the first drawing ive managed to finish in over a year (we dont talk about the 3 million wips) #so thank you gay people for getting rid of my art block 🫶 i love you #i didnt use a reference though so apologies if the proportions look a bit wonky but GOD i had so much fun making this #ive missed Enjoying doing art. like actually enjoying the process and not just impatiently rushing for the finished piece #like maybe art IS fun.. #crazy. anyways #this sideblog is brand new so i doubt people will even see this but!! if you do then i should have some more DE art on the way :-)

[lokh]

fake dating au where shuro ends up pretending to go out with laios in order to secure his inheritance.... but is it really what he wants? a journey of romance and self discovery that ill never ever write

#i imagine some political intrigue too but frankly i dont know enough #not pictured: marcille and co losing their fucking minds becos laios what were u THINKING #shuro #nakamoto toshiro #laios touden #laishuro #dungeon meshi #dungeon meshi spoilers #art #maizuru #i imagine shuro also doesnt want to win his succession with something so. underhanded and untrue lmao. #and then when it DOES become true... well does he even want it really 😭 #i feel like hed still end up doing it but at least hes actually examined his own wants etc #delicious in dungeon

[taffybuns]

finally finished hilda s3 !!! what a special little show, i'm gonna miss it so much !!

#hilda #hilda the series #hilda season 3 #not really spoilers u can squint but mostly its for symbolism iykyk #twig #alfur #tontu #frida #david #johanna #do any of them have surnames actually. i dont know #soupdraws

[inkskinned]

the problem is that being single is seen as the consolidation prize, and not the natural neutral state of being-a-person. at the end of the movie or the book or the poetry, there is a person waiting for you at the altar, and they love you. if the play is a comedy, everyone gets married. the metaphor is about how you are not-whole. the metaphor is about how everyone is going to be happily-ever-after. the metaphor is that romantic love is the most important resource on the planet, not just all-love. all-love is not a thing, that is a disappointment. the treasure is not the friends we made along the way. the treasure is the girl you landed.

the metaphor is that you cannot be alone, that means you are broken. are you getting over someone? that is acceptable, you can be getting over someone, but not for long. you must be single because you would rather not be single. you must be single and looking to not-be-single. you must want to date, eventually.

friendship and community are never seen as being equal-to or even-better than romantic connection. that person is your one! you need to find them. you need to hunt through the sand particles until you can shift out some kind of gem. this is regardless to your own experience of the beach and the sun. you need to be somewhere with someone.

if you are taking this time alone to heal, that is so sad. everyone gives you this little pitying look. the understanding is that you are not actually happier than you were before you were single. it is seen as a sort of pity - oh, you are choosing yourself, making yourself the priority? - that isn't quite right. you must mean that you are making yourself ready for the right person. you are just laying the bed better this time. open up your heart. you'll find them, we promise!

what do you mean you're really-truly genuinely-very happy? you are probably misremembering what it was like to be in a relationship. and besides, once you meet your person, that time will look grey and bland and wasted. your person is the only way for you to see in color. so what if you have taken this time - for the first time in your entire life - to actually-for-real do the fucking work. you can be proud of yourself, sure. but the way we need to know that you got better is that you get a partner. you're healed enough for the next bad part!

people don't choose to be single, they just say they're choosing to be single - they actually mean "nobody wants to date me." it doesn't matter how many people you have gently rejected or how many times you've talked it over carefully in therapy. what matters is that you are single, and by all accounts - that means you are something worth our pity. your successes and life all seem pale in the sunlight. sure, you have done amazing things and finally found your way in life. what matters is that there wasn't a person in the room with you while you did it.

you want to tell them - that's the whole thing. i didn't know how to be alone in the room. i didn't know how to handle the silence. every moment was so sharp, and i kept choosing the wrong way to close the door. i have spent my entire life in the empty well, living in the ricochet of someone else's cruelty. for once i have built myself a ladder. for once everything i taste is all mine, every bite of sunshine and laughter. i have learned how to sleep out in the open with my memories. recently, they have started to purr.

your father rolls his eyes. listen. this isn't about you. i just want a grandchild in my future.

#writeblr #i actually didn't want a girlfriend before nat #and my dad recently said to me - raquel. i don't approve of the promiscuity #1. i am 30. #2. i had casually dated about 4 people over 18 months. #3. i do believe he was just mad that i get more girls than he ever did #i had to look this 60 yr old deacon in the eye and say. okay so i have a girlfriend first of all im just not tellin yall about her #and secondly. #OKAY???? OLD MAN I DONT EVEN LIVE HERE WHAT ARE U GONNA DO ABOUT IT #briefly considered asking nat if i could pretend we were a one night stand kind of a thing

[qiinamii]

i wouldn't have met you

#guess whats stuck in my head now #i actually havent caught onto any shows or series for several years and to follow up this one i think has been really pleasant #and painful #its been really nice to see closure for simon hes such an old man skrunkle #i dont even watch a lot of AT in the past but i do know enough to feel that pain like Man i almost forgot shows can be Worth it #fionna the human #fionna campbell #cake the cat #simon petrikov #and a tiny dash of #winter king #qiiarts #fionna and cake #adventure time

[madhatter1496]

#this is literally sanzu x rindou #and rindou x souya (angry) #and dont get me started on mikey and takemichi #im clearly not mentioning kokonui NOR bajifuyu or bajitrio cause those are clearly fucking on the good ending timeline #you can't change my mind #what do you mean they would die for each other but arent actually canon #thats not what the voices are saying #they are canon TO ME #kokonoi hajime #inui seishu #inupi #sano manjiro #hanagaki takemichi #maitake #doramai #draken #tokyo revengers

[comradekatara]

it's national draw your sibling day

#id in alt text #avatar the last airbender #atla #katara #sokka #katara&sokka #art #mart #oldergaang #portraitgaang #i like to think they get less antagonistic once theyre in their twenties #i also firmly believe w every fibre of my soul that sokka improves his art #(and im coming for anyone who says otherwise in the comments of this post with hammers. jsyk) #also drawing w charcoal is way easier than ink painting. so maybe he realizes that too #also apologies if i butchered the spelling of katara's name i was just working w the wiki but . if its bad u can say its intentional #bc sokka is stupid or whatever idk 😭 #anyway. this ACTUALLY started bc i was thinking about how we never actually see katara draw #but i just KNOW that she would have the most anime art style #dont ask me how i know these things ok i just do #so this whole thing was just an excuse to showcase that . lmao #i worked so hard on this tho. pls clap

[cthulhum]

does anyone realize how crazy it is to have the actor of a mostly headcanoned queer ship say the fans were never crazy and they were right all along after 10+ years of everyone just absolutely going nuts over the said queerbaited ship

#supernatural #dean winchester #spn #destiel #castiel #deancas #misha collins #im 20 i have been Experiencing supernatural and johnlock since i was 12 and merthur since wayy before that i have fought Wars #this is crazy #i love u hannibal i love u 911 (if u make eddie gay) #for the love of god by 'mostly headcanoned' i dont mean that it was never intentional #i am aware that they put the subtext in on purpose #they knew what they were doing #but my focus here is on the actor actually saying it because like #if its not mostly headcanoned then y was the entire cast denying it for years AND YEARS #like do yall not remember what jared and jenesn used to say #there have been many many many instances where the cast has made us feel crazy/stupid for saying anything abt destiel #im just saying TO ME its crazy that actors and creators talk so openly about these things now !!! again i was raised on merlin and sherlock #ok also im confused on the queerbaiting part #everyones saying its queer coding and not queer baiting but cant they be true at the same time ? #im not being dumb on purpose i swear im just confused #like yes dean is very much bi coded and their relationship is queer coded but if the creators deny everything #and we only get a last minute confession after 11 years #that doesnt count as queer baiting ? #someone smart explain this to me 🙏