#//Sometimes; he even goes as far as to wonder if the Delusion in fact only ENHANCED what was already there

[dutybcrne]

Sometimes Diluc does wonder if the Delusion left a lasting impact on him, outside the never-fading scars on his arm. That if every time his temper flares or he deals a particularly cruel blow upon his opponent, it’s due to the Delusion’s lingering influence, that it may have altered him to be a crueler person as a result of his near half a decade-long dependence on it.

#hc; diluc #//Sometimes; he even goes as far as to wonder if the Delusion in fact only ENHANCED what was already there #//He’d damn near slain Kae out of anger as it was; anger he’d NEVER once thrown at Anyone before; much less HIM #//Who’s to say he didn’t already have that darkness within him; even considering the circumstances of that moment #//And him continuously—deliberately CHOOSING—using the Delusion only CEMENTED it deep into his self and soul #//He’s had plenty of his share of nightmares where he longs for the Delusion; regretting having Shattered it after its final use #//It was for the best; yes; but now he’ll forever be Haunted by the lack of it; like an addict in withdrawal #//There were times he DID try and cast it away during his years in Snezhnaya; but inevitably put it back on after harrowing nightmares #//He wishes he’d tried harder to get rid of it then; before it left such a lasting impression on him #//Even now; his body is still SO used to & wanting of it; he gets so RESTLESS #//Wanting to reach for and mess with it; only to find it gone and Remember why #//Or the marks it had branded him with start aching and acting up so bad; as though he were Burning from its fire #//Feeling utterly Exhilarated in the face of destruction his flames bring; in dreams or in reality then be Horrified at how much he’d done #//bc he SHOULDNT be proud of that; SHOULDNT delight in such cruel feelings and sights #//Especially when it comes to dealing w Fatui in Mond—the sick delight he feels in fighting/destroying them genuinely scares him at times #//He’s less inclined to feel it when dealing with the Abyss creatures—they aren’t HUMAN after all; but it still sets him at unease at times #//Sometimes particularly scathing remarks toward Kae during their bouts have even him balking #//Not quite rushing to take it back; esp not when Kae hits back harder or brushes it off w his irritating little posturing #//But still enough to make him mull it over afterwards & wonder just how much more resentment he holds for him #//And if he should watch out and make sure it doesn’t get so bad he tries to hurt him again #//He would NEVER willingly want to draw his sword on him ever again; not if he could help it #//no matter what’s become of their bond and how irreparable it must surely be; after all’s said and done #//But if the Delusion had truly sunk its cruel influence so deep into himself…who’s to say how well he can keep up this oath? #//Or smth idk lol

[irndad]

in every other life- s.r.

a/n: my soul is in this mf fic. there's a lil sexual tension lol! this is a behemoth of pining. so much fucking pining. this guy needs you like air wtf!! ALSO the poem is from a book, the lover's dictionary by david levithan. summary: the love of spencer's life is also his best friend, and she goes on a few dates. he does not handle it well, internally. ft. metaphysics by our dear genius boy. wc: 3.3k (holy shit)

While he recognizes that no direct injustice has actually been done to him, he can’t help but feel that it’s so unfair. 

Because Spencer had never actually wanted much of anyone, actually. He was too much of a child through his entire education, and he’d found anyone that he’d even consider had almost instantly had dismissed him. He’d grown used to a life where companionship wasn’t a desire that crossed his mind. 

But he wanted her. 

His lovely friend, his coworker, who was the kind of lovely that it feels unfair you’d ever have to take your eyes off of. She’s the best person he’s ever met, the sort of wonderful you read about but never convince yourself you’ll ever see. He knows the shape of her, has her form memorized from watching, waiting for her to step into the office every day.  

It was only a matter of time until he wasn’t the only one with his eye on her. 

She’s actually absurdly easy to want. There’s nights where they watch something, often what he picked, Doctor Who or some other science fiction which would be great if he could focus on anything but her. Her warm disposition ruminating his too-small apartment with a kind of light that follows his every movement. He’d adore her even if she wasn’t, but it’s impossible to ignore how beautiful she is- the kind of pretty that you hardly expect to see in real life. 

“Hey you,” her so-sweet voice is what breaks him out of his daydreaming, and he looks up at her lovely face smiling down at him. Fondness seeps through her tone, and it’s everything he can do not to preen that her first thought at seeing him is one of pleasure. 

“Hey back,” he says, greeting her with a warm grin of his own. “How was your weekend?”

It’s a calculated question. 

She had canceled their weekly movie night. He’d tried not to look too disappointed, like the idea of her next to him on his couch, of her nimble fingers raking through his unkempt hair while something nice, but far less wonderful than his company played in the background wasn’t all that was keeping him going. These days, and he knows it’s likely delusion, that she sometimes seems to gaze back at him with a similar sort of desperation, hooded eyes and tenderness. 

It’s a liminal space, those nights. How can people be two things at once? You cannot be both in love and not. In the low-light of his place, under his blanket- it’s like Schrodinger’s experiment. She can’t love him like a friend and more at the same time- it resists the laws of physics. She is his best friend, a fact he knows as sure as gravity and the elements, and believing anymore than that- it’s asserting an impossibility. 

When they’re alone together, though. It seems like the impossible exists. 

But she’d canceled it, something she hadn’t done for the months they’d been engaging in their little tradition. So there had to be a reason. She sits next to him, her desk next to his. 

She looks a little disheveled, only in an adorable way- but a little like she’s been busy, like her flow is disrupted.

“It was good! I finally went out with that guy Penelope’s been begging me to let her set me up with.”

It’s all that he can do not to freeze up. 

Penelope has been trying to get her to go out with her friend Ben, which Spencer thinks is a stupid name, by the way, and secretly he’d been so, so pleased when she had brushed off the invite. It’s a dangerous thing, hope. He tries not to have too much of it, tries to savor the thought of her, of more for moments of particular vulnerability. It’s treacherous, to want her the way he does. He knows he can’t let himself feel it all the way. 

And logistically- romance is not a reason for a valid reason for him to be panicking the way he is, but all he can think about is the physics. Two opposite things cannot be true at the same time. 

“You know, studies suggest that even now, the majority of couples are meeting in person or through friends over any other medium.” 

It hurts to say. She’s part of a couple, one half a whole that he doesn’t complete. 

“Seriously? I’d have thought it’d changed by now. I guess it’s safer to date someone you know.”

She’d date someone she knew? Is that what she prefers? 

“How did it go?” He hears Emily ask, and this conversation is already the bane of his existence.

“Guys, it really wasn’t a big deal! We got dinner, it was just a little thing.”

Spencer isn’t experienced in dating, but he does know that dinner is a serious date. Coffee is a smaller thing, but dinner-

Dinner means she got pretty for him. Probably picked out a dress for the evening, spent time on a carefully manicured look. Spent hours of her precious, rare, time on him. 

It’s not fair how much he fucking hates this guy. 

“Dinner is not nothing!” Penelope squeals, and he would love to share in her excitement, except it kind of feels like a piece of his heart is being shredded. 

“Dinner means coming up to my place, have coffee, oh look who doesn’t have her hair done-“

Please kill me, he thinks. Please. 

“Oh, that definitely did not happen.”

Thank god. 

Except he can’t miss her flush, how her expression shifts- and he has the sickening feeling he’d be hearing that guy’s name again. 

When they all settle around the table, her doe eyes focused on gruesome images that were the exact antithesis of her spirit, he couldn’t help but feel that even if it hurt, there was finality. 

The cat was out of the box. Two things cannot be true at once, and so only one is- she does not love him, at least not the way he does. 

Ben, is not in fact, going away. 

If he had more willpower or self-preservation, Spencer would keep his distance from her, but the truth of it is that as much as he wants to be the person she turns to, her smile is most of why he can stand his job anymore. 

It’s a Tuesday, and everyone is grumbling about being pulled in early in the morning, but he’s just happy to have a reason to leave the house.

“Spence!” He hears her excited voice carry, the pretty sound picking his ears up at once. “I got you coffee. It’s hazelnut, and it’s like, 90% sugar. You’re gonna love it.”

She beams at him, and he takes it in his hands. Their hands brush, and he tries so hard not to notice how soft her hands are. Her name is on the cup, and an unconsenting fantasy of her name meaning that he’s hers creeps into his mind before he can bat it away.  

But her cup says Ben. 

“Thanks,” he says her name, tries to sound measured and friendly. “Coffee date?”

She preens, and god, if this guy doesn’t get how lucky he is it might be thing thing that actually sends him over the edge after all these years.

“Just a quick thing, we were just in the same place and he bought me a coffee, I’d already gotten yours.”

If there’s two roles he can fill and he doesn’t get to pick, if he’s stuck with friends, he’s gonna be great at it, and he’s gonna be grateful. Because knowing her is a grace in itself, the kind of thing you should could yourself so lucky to have. 

“He sounds like a great guy,” he hears himself say, “I’m glad you’re doing this.”

It’s the right thing to say. He’s sure of it. The thing he’s not sure of is why the smile she offers him doesn’t reach her eyes. 

The next time he notices the cracks in their relationship, it’s when they’re out. She’d suggested this bookstore-cafe kind of thing, and he’d jumped at the thought, all of his favorite things in one afternoon. He’d felt foolish spending so much time picking out his outfit out, wearing the blazer she’d once complimented-he’d actually stuttered so hard in thanks that Morgan laughed for a full minute when she left the room- but she always looked beautiful, and he knows he sometimes pales in comparison. 

“Oh, I love this one!” She thumbs over the spine of a thin book of poetry. She’s wearing a forest green sweater that hugs her frame, and a bracelet hangs on her delicate wrist. He loves looking at her, though he tries to conceal it. His goal of being a supportive friend includes trying not to make it that known how gone for her he is. 

“I don’t read too much poetry,” he admits, “But I’m sure you have excellent taste.” 

Her keen eyes skim through the pages intently, clearly seeking out a specific passage before stopping, gaze alight with recognition. 

Her tone is molasses-sweet when she begins reading, and his heart skips a beat.

“When I say be my lover,” her voice hitches, reverent of the quote and he is reverent of her, “ I don’t mean ‘let’s have an affair. I don’t mean Sleep with me. I don’t mean Be my secret. I want us to go back to that root. I want you to be the one who loves me. I want to be the one who loves you.”

It feels impossible to look away from her, doe eyes practically sparkling in the low light of the shop, and there it is. His heart’s in his throat. Of all the things you could have told Spencer he’d experience, hearing her lovely voice wrap around the words be my lover in hushed tone, in sacred sweetness, would never ever be one he’d guess. 

He’s not sure how he feels about the multiverse theory, but right now, he can feel all the versions of himself pressing right up against him. Can see into lives he doesn’t get to live, lifetimes where his love isn’t a buried, worn-out tattered thing to keep his ever-frigid chest warm. Versions of himself that in this very moment can smile back at her, warm and open and kind, and kiss her perfect smile. 

Because he would be her lover. He would come home to her, spend the rest of his life building a home that she could fit  into. It’d be easy, actually. She’s easy to imagine- nights of laughing in a shared kitchen, evenings where her company is a fine wine, sipped at leisure with the comfort of knowing it’s never going to slip from your grasp. 

“I like that,” he says, voice too vulnerable for his own good, eyes unable to tear from the eye contact. “I really like that.” 

In the root of it, he already is her lover. He is the one who loves her. She’s just not his. 

It comes to a head on a Friday. It’s a few weeks from he book shop, and the air feels heavier between them now. The last handful of Fridays he’s sat with the ghost of what used to be their plans, empty time lingering where in its’ place used to be her company. 

He doesn’t know if she’s been with Ben. He tries not to think about it. 

The sound of her voice lingers in his mind, sweet and bitter in his mind like old lemon candy, the kind his mother would save for special occasions. He’d spend any amount of money he had to hear her lovely voice say those words to him out of the context of a poem. 

At work, they seem almost normal. Like one of them wasn’t desperately in love with the other; like a genius and his lovely, incredibly empathetic, kind best friend. In the field, their actions flow together seamlessly. She is always the first to listen and to understand (and god, isn’t it intoxicating to have someone meet you in understanding) and there is nothing to suspect is off.

But there’s still a cloud lingering. The poem- the soft melody of her voice curling around the words, the request of it all, the way she had sounded so wanting- and then, there’s Ben. 

She doesn’t mention Ben to him, of course, but Penelope does. Penelope, all bows and bright colors and cheeriness keeps bringing the absolute worst news to Spencer with a smile on her face. 

He’s taking her out for drinks! Oh, he’s reading her favorite book, do you know what it is?

This anger isn’t an emotion that he’s familiar with. A roar of possessiveness, the bite of it not tempered at all by rationality. Has he touched her?

It seems almost a tradition at this point when she shakes him out of his jealous storm of thought.

“Spence?” she muses, “You alright?” They’re alone at his desk, everyone having fled for their own evening and weekend plans. This was one of the Fridays that she had agreed to spend with him, and he wonders if he’ll be able to handle the scent of her shampoo so close after such a lapse of the sensation. Will all of his judgement go where he can’t follow?

“Yeah,” he says, tucking his papers into his bag, “I’m excited for tonight.”

His place is actually a short walk from the office. He’d been embarrassed to show her the place at first. It’s all function over fashion, and a bit cramped, but she’d looked at as though it was made of something more, something good. She didn’t even tease him. It had actually been her idea, to start these movie nights. 

Ironic, really. 

The walk was pleasant, the weather a little frigid but still nice, and she looks beautiful under the setting sun. It’s incredible to him, how her lashes catch the light and make her irises look like polished stained glass. His favorite color. Through the looking glass of another life, he sees a version of himself that gathers her up in his arms. In this daydream, she grants him one of her smiles that seems to carry its’ own light, and leans into his body like it’s the only thing that keeps her steady. It’s so clear. On the other side of the veil, he kisses her reddening nose, and keeps her warm himself. 

In the here and now, Her coat is long, and hangs low by her ankles. It’s an elegant thing, like the woman who wears it, and Spencer would be grateful for a lifetime of just looking.They stop in front of his door, some invisible force stopping him from entering. 

She sheds the coat inside his home. It smells like the candle she got him for his birthday, a reminder of her grace. He’s saved a bottle of wine for them, a sweet thing for the sweetest thing he’s known. 

“I’m sorry,” she speaks the warmth of the beverage on her tongue, and it should feel abrupt but it doesn’t.

“What for?” He can’t imagine what she would have to apologize for. 

“I know things have been…off between us,” she says carefully, considering the phrasing of each word. He watches her with a reverence, his hazel eye brimming with affection with nowhere to go. “You’ve been so great through it.”

Her legs are thrown across his own, and she’s dangerously close to sitting in his lap, but not exactly. He’s missed having her this close, the last time she’d been in his orbit was before she’d had reason to be gone. She smells floral. He fights With limited filtering through his already treacherous mind he thinks, He can’t take this from me. I still get her like this. 

“I’m not entirely sure what it is.” 

She slowly shuts her eyes, go for a moment to somewhere he can’t follow. Her cheeks are rosy from the cold. 

“This whole Ben thing.”

“Oh.”

Logically, it always had to come back to this. Someone else had the good fortune to know her like this, to be the person she reads poetry to in deep meaning to. 

He’s been stealing moments from someone who’s not his to take them from. 

“I don’t even know how I wanted you to react.” she murmurs, staring at the rim of her glass. 

“I just want you to be happy” His voice is something low, grit in the sound of it. His hand rests on her thigh. There’s warmth blanketing the room and he wants to kiss her. He wants to kiss her all the time. 

She laughs, but it’s not her normal laugh. It’s tinny and a little bitter. He pushes his luck, and reaches out to brush the side of her face, moving the hair but still holding her face. Her breath smells like strawberry wine and temptation. 

It feels different tonight. Low light and tension that could be sliced with wire. Every part of her is in reach, and something in the air makes all of this talk of relativity, of physics, moot. 

Like maybe he’s not in the only world they don’t end up together. 

Her face is warm and soft under his touch and he loves the sight of her. He’s never touched her like this. Every point of contact feels electric, addicting. 

“What is it? The Ben thing?” He doesn’t know what he’s expecting to hear. What he wants, is for her to tell him that it doesn’t matter anymore, that she picks him-

“I only went out with him the once.”

“What?”

“I told Penelope I was still going because it made her happy and she said I couldn’t keep going to your apartment and reading you poetry and call that romance.”

Romance? 

Wasn’t it romance, though? 

Her eyes widen in something akin to horror. 

“Shit, Spence- I’m sorry, that is so fucked of me to say-“

“You,” he tries to say calmly, “aren’t going out with Ben.”

She blinks. 

“No?”

He has spent so much time living in other lives, existing in the minds of versions of himself he wasn’t lucky enough to be. Drinking coffee imagine a life colored in her presence, falling asleep yearning for the presence of something lighter than what he has to carry. 

He can’t exist in two places. That was the entire basis of the experiment. 

He moves his other hand to hold hers, and somehow she’s shifted to being on top of him, and he looks up at her with unwavering desire. 

Spencer isn’t good at wanting people, but it comes naturally with her. Less of an action and more an urge, a course of motion to which he is at the mercy of. This is what leads him to close the gap between them, and kiss her. It’s 

Her delicate fingers run through his hair, and she can’t be close enough, please, and he could spend the rest of his life kissing her, actually. He probably will spend the rest of his life thinking about the soft sigh he pulls out of her. 

“I want it to be me,” he manages to say through shallow breath, still so close that his lips brush hers every other word, “I want to be the one you pick. I want it to be me.” His hazel eyes seem to shift in the moment, swirling with emotion. 

She brushes a lock of his overgrown hair out of his face. He normally shaves when he sees her, but he’d been so busy that he’d forgotten, and felt embarrassed of it now. That is, until she runs her index finger along the edge of his jawline.

It’s then she leans down and kisses him again, pliant and good, his hands around her waist. He breathes a prayer into her mouth, one that hopes that she never ever comes to her senses about him. 

“Spence,” she says, her voice golden silk, a kindness.  “There was never anyone else to pick.” 

#spencer reid #spencer Reid fluff #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x fem!reader #criminal minds #criminal minds x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds fanfic

[animeyanderelover]

Could I ask for a Yandere Shoto, Dabi, Ken Kaneki, Killua, Feitan, Kurapika, L and Near learning that their s/o feels genuine happiness towards them and them only?

I feel terrible for letting you wait that long😣. I wish the day would have more than 24 hours, I really do. It would make my schedules easier. Underaged characters are aged up.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, delusions, paranoia, sadism, kidnapping, clinginess, manipulation, sabotage

Genuine happiness towards only you

Killua Zoldyck

🪀A bit more of a Tsundere, but Killua feels quite joyful knowing his darling is so happy with him. And he lets that show the one or another way, even if he reacts more embarrassed if someone points out that he radiates of an unusual bright aura. His delusions work differently in the sense that he justifies his actions, but not that his love is returned and so he has to be concerned at first whether you’ll like him or not. Being handed this result isn’t something you’ll hear him complaining about.

🪀Maybe not even the fact that you seem to only feel real happiness towards him and no one else is something weird in his opinion. Granted, it might make him wonder sometimes if there is a certain reason, a rather tragic one for that in which case the snow-haired boy will gladly drill someone’s heart. On the other hand he has only a handful of people to which he feels sincere happiness with as well, so at one point he decides he won’t mind as long as this doesn’t affect the relationship and you. Call him more selfish, but he likes deep down that he seems to be the only one his darling is happy with.

Kurapika Kurta

⛓For Kurapika the feeling is pretty equal if I may say so, he sees in his precious darling also the only person around whom he can feel true joy. Kurapika is not a delusional Yandere, he knows that what he does is not consensual and something normal people would want. But Kurapika has grieved already too much and has lost the maximum so he has been pushed to the point where he is too exhausted to care anymore. Rather a darling that is still alive and can love him than a dead person who will never return again.

⛓Kurapika is also so much more open with the fact that he is pretty much over the moon that his darling is only really happy when with him. There are no rare doubts like Killua has them, even if subconsciously he sometimes thinks he should probably not be that happy that around others you are never as carefree. Kurapika is openly selfish with it, though it is completely overshadowed by his own joy with this situation. It’s just a huge relief for Kurapika to be made aware of your feelings since he wants to be someone who gives you happiness and protection. Express your happiness and love and you have him melting.

Feitan Portor

☠️What a mess. Feitan absolutely refuses to show happiness to his darling simply because he doesn’t like expressing any sort of weakness. Yet here you have him under your damn spell and he even needed time until he came to the point where he didn’t enjoy hurting you anymore which had him go mad as well. He isn’t too dumb to think that anyone would love him after everything he has done and inducing fear into his darling is something he still loves doing. He doesn’t want to be seen as someone soft and caring, but as someone his darling fears.

☠️Bizarre is a light word to use when he gets to know that his s/o happens to feel happiness for pretty much only him. It goes against anything he has done so far, torturing and death threats being muttered constantly to you. Not above questioning your own sanity for this either, though there is an excited thrill inside of him. This situation is unexpected, sure. But there is a certain satisfaction that he is the only one you feel joyful around, makes you in his opinion truly his. On the other hand he hates that you just became more admirable and lovely in his opinion and that he gets flustered when you show your happiness. He hides his face in attempts to not let you see his slight blush.

L Lawliet

🍰The guy who is one of the quickest to notice this all. Even if he starts as a major stalker, L decides to get to know his darling at one point on a more personal level. Spending hours in front of monitors watching them only satisfies him for that long and even if he isn’t a social butterfly, his darling is worth it. L carries this selfish need around to be someone you are happy around as well, that is why stalking you was an advantage so he can create a bond faster with you. He is very observant, so he comes to realize how you always seem to fake your happiness with others whilst with him you never.

🍰It is amazing as much as it is exhilarating for him, knowing just how successful his plan was, though initially he is a bit iffy. He's a detective, so obviously he is interested to why this is only with him, but if that is just how it is, he can live with that. It is really only a reason more why he lures you in quicker with you following willingly. So from a very technical point of view this isn't even considered kidnapping anymore since his darling chose this with their free will. His expectations kind of get higher over time with this knowledge in mind alongside with his more needy side.

Near

🎲Up there with L in the "I'll have this figured out quickly" club. Near is such a major stalker himself with cameras, wiretaps and the whole package. What differs him from L though is that he is the more impatient and more childish Yandere to begin with. So even if he wants to make a friendship with his s/o at first as well, he is quicker with the whole process of kidnapping since he is additionally the more possessive Yandere. Near wants to be loved and to be taken care of from you.

🎲Pretty much over the moon when he finds out that you can only be truly happy with him, it sets his hopes high up and similar to L it is such a great motivation to 'kidnap' you faster. Doesn't share the desire to get to the bottom why he is this one person like L sometimes would, he wants to be pampered with that knowledge in mind and the love coming with it. It fuels somewhat slight delusions in him as well since he always thought that with enough time his darling will love him. But this is already the case and his hopes have an unhealthy boost after this so it is more likely that Near will let his guard down quicker and more often than L who is more cautious.

Shoto Todoroki

🔥❄️Might sound weird, but Shoto is almost a bit scared once he comes to notice that his darling always searches for him and wants to spend time with him, smiles genuinely at him and treats him like he's the best person in the world. At the beginnings of his obsession Shoto is more of a aware Yandere who has his delusional mood swings from time to time. As much as he is already being selfish and enjoys that fact, he feels himself slipping further and further in his own illusions and he knows it'll be hard to get out of those, especially if he is misinterpreting something in here.

🔥❄️But it can't be helped anymore the moment his darling confesses to him that they only seem to be able to feel happiness towards him. He's probably never been told that before except for his mother maybe, so hearing those words from your lips has him brewing with emotions on the inside and he might just tear up a bit. His worries also come true with him turning much more to a delusional Yandere. Shoto will be terribly selfish in here, but what is so wrong with that? His darling is only happy around him after all and he is only happy around them. The more he shows his love, the more you'll be happy right? Just don't be that happy around anyone else.

Dabi

🔹Different from Shoto, Dabi is a relatively lucid Yandere, though with him the point is that he has just done worse. He's killed and he is a villain, so why should he care anymore for the wrongness of his feelings? Dabi still carries an understanding that his s/o might be scared of him as well as soon as he kidnaps them, he's really just prepared for it. So it would be downright shocking for him to witness that after he's abducted his darling and a bit time has passed by, they claim him to be the only person they've ever been truly happy around.

🔹I mean, he might have kind of noticed that you've never looked that bright around anyone else than him, but he still has his doubts. Maybe it's Stockholm syndrome already or maybe you're just acting to search for a way to escape. In either case, he'll be watching with caution. Honestly, he hopes it isn't a lie because it's been too long since he's been appreciated by anyone and it is hard to resist temptation whenever you cling onto him and just seem sincerely happy. He'll choose to be selfish in the end as well, how couldn't he with such an adorable little mouse? But Dabi does worry a bit if there was ever a cause for you never having felt happy around someone. And if it was a person, he'll gladly burn them down to ash.

Ken Kaneki

🔲Given the fact that Kaneki is one of those Yanderes who have troubles functioning without their darling and the knowledge that they're being loved by the s/o, it is quite obvious how Kaneki will feel about this. He'll be in ecstasy about it all once he finds out about it which is most likely after he has already abducted his darling. Granted, Kaneki can come over as very paranoid and unhinged with the way he is desperate, but in the end all he begs for is love. The thought of his darling possibly being frightened of him and what he is terrifies him.

🔲It's incredibly soothing for his jittery sanity to be made aware that he is the source of his darling's genuine happiness and obviously he'll be selfish about it as well. He has his own delusions as well that are based on his own belief that this world would be too dangerous for you to survive alone which is why he gives his protection. This might just itensify this all a bit since apparently even your happiness was being kept away from you in this world just like from him. Nevermind, now you have each other and he won't let anything get in between your happiness. The relationship will be less marked from his paraoid and desperate outbursts and cries if his darling loves him and he can smother them all he wants and receives affection himself.

#yandere hunter x hunter #yandere hxh #yandere killua #yandere killua zoldyck #yandere kurapika #yandere kurapika kurta #yandere feitan #yandere feitan portor #yandere death note #yandere l #yandere l lawliet #yandere near #yandere shoto #yandere shoto todoroki #yandere dabi #yandere touya #yandere touya todoroki #yandere tokyo ghoul #yandere kaneki #yandere ken kaneki

[merakiui]

I was reading through your tags and you mentioned at some point the kazuscara roommates finding your onlyfans and I think I completely combusted—thus i present to you my brain rot of late: you attend the same school as them but you’re not actually friends, all you know about kazuha is that he’s the friendly regular at the cafe you work at, who makes polite conversation every now and then but otherwise is nothing of note. In reality he’s been stalking you for weeks ever since your first encounter, and is dead set on the idea that you’re this innocent, weak thing that needs to be protected (maybe he stepped in when you had a bad customer and your meek reply helped fester his delusions?). Scara, on the other hand, is only aware of your presence since you’re his favourite cam model that he recently found. (Since he’s a harbinger he’s probs loaded) Weeks of funnelling money towards you cause him to feel this unwarranted possessiveness, believing that since he’s been providing so much in your “relationship” that it’s time you reward him in turn. However, despite the unbridled interest they have toward you neither are aware of each other’s feelings for you— that is, until you happen to run into the both of them heading to your class. While both are known for maintaining their stoic masks, they’re friends for a reason— and instantly can tell the attraction their roommates have towards their own “lover”. After kazuha finds your onlyfans he’s certain that you’ve been coerced and wants to save you, while scara thinks it’s time that he’s stopped letting other plebeians look at his possession—so, despite their initial reservations, come together to form the ideal plan. When you find yourself waking up groggy in a room you don’t recognize, all they can do is look on with glee whilst planning their next course of action with their new belonging. They’re friends after all, and good friends share though, don’t they?

This is v long srry lol you can ignore this ofc!!

AAAH, ANON!! YES!!! <3 I couldn’t resist writing more on this concept. orz They make for such a terrifying pair when they work together!

(cw: yandere, stalking, nsfw, implied kidnapping/drugging, unhealthy behaviors/relationship, delusional thoughts, savior complex, implied violence)

What if Kazuha and Scara were just acquainted with one another and actually became closer through their mutual obsession with you? Yes, they’re roommates and ought to get along because they’re living together but they haven’t exactly clicked yet. They talk every now and then and know little things about each other. Nothing too special. They don’t really hang out outside of their dorm either, what with their class schedules being vastly different. And Kazuha’s always out of the dorm doing who-knows-what. Most of his time is spent at a café, where he’ll write and read and stare at you while you work. On the other hand, Scara prefers to stay inside if he doesn’t have a good reason to go out. He likes his alone time. Although he has enjoyed going to the library every now and then to study.

So maybe they need to find some common ground. Maybe they need a push in the right direction before they get closer.

Kazuha likes to stare. Talking to you is great, but he worries he’ll say too much and then he’ll be a nuisance, or you might not want to talk to him at all since you’re working. But you always regard him with a warm smile, happy to scribble his name on the plastic cup because you remember him. Because you recognize his familiar face and soft, gentle eyes. He’s the one who saved you from that rude customer, after all, and he’s a polite regular. Why wouldn’t you know him? You might look like you can handle those types of situations, but what Kazuha saw that day was something entirely different. You were nervous—so soft-spoken and scared. He absolutely has to protect you from those kinds of people now, doesn’t he?

And he does exactly that. He’s your second pair of eyes—your valiant knight in shining armor—who sees and hears all. Sometimes he goes to the café with the intention to simply watch over you and make sure no one’s bothering you. He can recall one time when a customer was speaking rudely about you because her drink hadn’t been prepared in a ‘timely manner.’ In reality it’s impossible to make a drink within a few seconds, especially when you’re already preoccupied with making another customer’s drink. She must’ve woken up on the wrong side of the bed, or maybe she’s just a hateful person in general. You didn’t deserve to be on the receiving end of such fiery insults, though.

Her eyes just can’t see your perfection and therefore she does not deserve to see out of them.

Kazuha’s willing to wrestle with all of this darkness if it means you’ll stay safe, oblivious, and pure. You’re like a defenseless kitten, unable to protect yourself from the scary world. He writes about you a lot in his journal; you’re his muse—someone who constantly shows up in poems and short paragraphs where he tries to describe what your dream date might be or what type of wedding you’d prefer. Things get darker the deeper you delve into his writings, where you’ll find entries in great detail. Kazuha writes a lot and he doesn’t even mean to. He just has to get all of his thoughts on paper before they abandon him and he’s left with emptiness.

Everything you do is pure; you’re almost an equivalent to a holy being. Your smell is pure. Your body is pure. Your actions are pure. Your smile is pure. Even when you’re on the verge of crying from harsh customers or when you’re turning down a confession, you’re still pure. And Kazuha likes that about you because it’s special. There aren’t many people in his life who are completely pure. He’s been through a lot of rough things and has seen firsthand how impure people can be. It’s only fair that he gets a chance to protect purity itself.

He might have some impurities, but that doesn’t deter him from watching over you. As gentle and unassuming as he is, there are times when even he loses his composure. Not many are privy to these dark emotions of his. His smiles are sharp and venomous and his eyes fill with a gloom so dark it can swallow you whole. You’ll never see this side of him; he won’t allow it. Instead you’re treated to his sweet, calm side, where he feigns perfection in hopes of catching your interest.

As for Scara… He doesn’t really care about Kazuha in the beginning. He’s just someone he has to live with. It’s not a big deal and as long as he doesn’t try to make lots of pointless conversation everything will be okay. He prefers the peace and quiet, considering he’s acquainted with people who are far from peaceful and quiet. Scara’s relieved that Kazuha leaves the dorm so often because it gives him an opportunity to watch his favorite cam star’s most recent video. He’s your most loyal follower—someone who’s paid lots of money just to have access to the highest tier of rewards and such. He even got a private video where you addressed him and moaned out his name with lustful thoughts of him. Having lots of money comes in handy.

When he finds out that you go to the same school as him, he’s a little shocked. He didn’t expect you to be so close. You’re practically within touching distance. If only he knew your schedule. If only you were in one of his classes. It’s really annoying that he only knows your online presence and not who you might be in your personal life. The last thing he’s going to do is consult Childe, that popular athlete who knows literally everyone in the school for whatever reason. Surely he knows you. But he’ll die before he ever asks Childe for a favor.

Scara loves you out of every other cam model because you’re different. You’re not just trying to get fast cash. You’re genuine. You listen to your subscribers and their feedback. You do your best to improve and do even better streams than the previous ones. All of your hard work is overlooked by the other fools who watch your streams, but it isn’t overlooked by him. Scara appreciates your attention to detail and the way you’re able to hook him with your breathless voice alone. You’re very skilled at what you do, so it’s only fair you get paid for it.

But buying your services isn’t enough. It’s not a real relationship, but it certainly feels like it when he buys preferential treatment. Private shows, special requests, odd favors—you do it all because he pays for it. But this relationship isn’t going to be one-sided forever. You’ll have to pay him back in full eventually. Scara likes to think he has patience and that waiting is fine. It gives him more time to plan his next move—to figure out what he should do to finally have you all to himself. So that those private shows he watches through a screen can finally be real.

Scara finds the journal sitting innocently on Kazuha’s bed, its maroon cover and maple leaves pulling at his curiosity. He might not know everything about Kazuha, but he’d recognize this journal anywhere. His roommate almost always has it on his person. Scara wouldn’t be surprised if he slept with it. To say he’s curious would be absolutely correct. He can only wonder what Kazuha writes in that thing. Perhaps it’s just notes for a class. That’s what anyone would think, right?

Scara opens it and flips through the first few pages. They’re normal for the most part. Just a bunch of haikus and other useless scribbles. When he skips over some pages, he starts to find things that are far more interesting than poetry and doodles of cats. He finds the majority of the journal is comprised of information. More specifically, there are facts and other knowledge about you—the cam model he’s been obsessed with ever since he stumbled upon your onlyfans. He reads through as much of the journal as he can and instantly learns so much: your address, your roommate, your workplace, your friends’ names, names of any potential exes. The list goes on and on.

Scara doesn’t have anything against Kazuha. His first impression of him wasn’t anything groundbreaking. He thought he was a pushover at first. But now that he knows what this journal holds… Well, it sheds an entirely new light on his roommate.

Just days before Scara took a peek inside his journal, Kazuha discovers your secret online life. He snoops through Scara’s laptop when he steps out, having left it open and unlocked. He’s just trying to find what could have caught Scara’s interest, as he’s almost always glued to his laptop on specific days at specific times, with his headphones on and his gaze unyielding. He doesn’t intend to find the file of one of your private videos—something that was meant only for Scara’s eyes.

He clicks on the video out of interest. He’s not sure what he was expecting to see, but it definitely wasn’t this. Kazuha sits there and stares at the sight before him. You’re dressed in skimpy lingerie and you’re muttering the dirtiest things while coating your fingers in lube. And your hands are stroking a thick toy and you’re addressing Scara and you’re lining it up to your hole and— He shuts the laptop before it can get even more explicit than it already is. He’s so conflicted, fraught with a betrayal so strong it weighs his heart down.

Why would he have this sort of video on his laptop? Did you give it to him? Did he make you do this? Are you in danger? Are you still pure?

Kazuha can’t kill on campus. It’s way too risky and he’d be one of the first suspects if Scara’s body is found. Besides, it’s not like he has the full story. He doesn’t know whether or not Scara’s done something that’s worthy of death. You could just be in a tight spot. He knows how easily you give in when you’re under pressure. Maybe you’re just doing this because you feel like it’s the only thing you can do. Not to worry; Kazuha will save you before Scara can ruin your purity with his twisted fantasies.

They confront each other when the time feels right. Kazuha struggles to keep a smile plastered to his face for the sake of politeness, while Scara holds in his raging temper so that he can bear some semblance of cooperation. Neither of them is happy to hear that the other went through their stuff, but they force themselves to make up because a more pressing issue is at hand: their connection to you.

Kazuha says he’s your secret admirer. Scara says he’s in a relationship with you. There’s no way you’d ever date someone like Scara—Kazuha knows this for a fact. Yet he falters at the confidence in Scara’s tone. That can’t be the truth, right? Despite this, Kazuha still strikes up an offer: If they work together to get what they both want, they’ll be unstoppable. With Scara’s riches and his influence and Kazuha’s charisma and clever thinking, they can easily get their hands on you. Of course this means they’ll have to share, but it’s not a big deal when they’re already in so deep. They both know the other’s secret; now they’re swearing to keep it in the pursuit of having you all to themselves. And luckily Scara agrees to the deal, but that doesn’t give Kazuha a reason to lower his guard.

However despite how well they work together when it comes to planning the kidnapping and actually executing it, they both have their own reasons for wanting you. Scara wishes to make his relationship with you a reality—to toss aside the screen that once held him back and finally do all of the things he could only do in his dreams. Kazuha seeks to protect your fragile heart, lest you crumble under Scara’s intense way of doing things and cling to him for salvation. You can’t do those sorts of things with Scara; he won’t allow it. Your purity is meant for him and no one else.

But sharing is caring and some have to learn that the hard way. It definitely brings Kazuha and Scara closer together, even if neither of them will admit it. If they look past their desires, they can be friends. And soon enough they’ll have to accept this new friendship if they want to avoid any unnecessary complications.

However there are times when they’ll cooperate in order to do things with you. They’re a packaged deal you can’t get rid of.

#chit chat #yandere #yandere kazuha #yandere scaramouche #kazuscara roommates #ty for feeding me anon orz #i like the idea of them being friends on the surface #but beneath that they're willing to abandon the other in order to meet their desires #but when they come together they're a force to be reckoned with #aaah i could go on and on with this concept #but i don't want to ramble #ANYWAYS TY AGAIN ANON <3 YOUR BRAIN IS SO LARGE #🧸 anon

[bluemoondust]

✧General Yandere Headcanons — Gokuhara Gonta✧

Warning(s): Physical Violence (not towards darling/mentioned), Unintentional Guilt Tripping, Obsessive Behavior, Smothering/Overprotective Behavior, Slightly Delusional Thinking (will be explained)

Honestly he's one of the sweetest yanderes out there and would never dream of hurting his darling. At first, Gonta did not understand these feelings; it's probably the first time he's ever gained romantic emotions for someone. As soon as he's made aware of this, he's overjoyed. You're a wonderful person to him and he's happy to feel this way towards you. How can he not love you? Since this is his first time genuinely caring for someone as more than a friend, he's not sure where to go about with this.

As mentioned, there is slightly delusional behavior when it comes to Gonta. To explain this phrasing, it means his behavior is due to the fact that he's so new to all of this. He has no idea that this sort of love for you is extremely unhealthy and deems it to be completely reasonable. It's alright that he wants to keep to your side at all times, correct? That's what most couples to; spend time together all the time? This also goes along with the unintentional guilt tripping that is mentioned. Gonta doesn't understand much and will not be aware of the fact that he's making you feel bad for calling him out for his actions. He just loves you immensely, so why are you upset? Is he doing something wrong? He believed he was doing everything right.

Sometimes he needs someone to talk some sense into him or things will go overboard. However, that is still proven to be difficult depending on how deep his level of delusions is. If he's too far in, there might be no way to make him change his mind. That aside, Gonta genuinely cares for you and would never let anything or anyone hurt you. He's a gentleman after all. Though, there is the slight conflict on his mind that comes and goes. Sometimes he wonders if there will be any sort of danger that requires more than just intimidation or asking to leave you alone. What if some more personal actions had to be taken? Gonta really hopes no one would be foolish enough to try anything that stupid. He honestly doesn't want to bring harm towards others.

I feel like his darling might be the only one to sway Gonta's actions/thoughts with no second thought, but that really depends. So I wouldn't recommend trying to just outright use him since he is severely naive and will not question your intentions. He fell for you after all; someone he believes that could do no harm. That leads to more delusions. Gonta has complete faith in you and that you are not capable of doing something awful. You're too good for that. And if anyone were to say otherwise, it'd anger Gonta greatly where he'll fiercely defend you. Making excuses for you and the repetition of words along the lines of you would never or you're such a good person to him.

Going back to unhealthy behavior and him wanting to spend so much time with you; he follows you around like a puppy. Gonta is just so enamored with you and longs to keep feeling this way all the time. He's heard that quality time is important in relationships, so why not stick by your side all the time? This is where things get suffocating. It's even worse when he gets overprotective of you should anything set him off to be so. Once that happens, he refuses to leave you alone. What if something terrible happened while he's away? He would never forgive himself. It might even get to the point where Gonta will outright do majority of the stuff for you as he keeps close. It all okay, he's alright with doing this because that's what a true gentleman does.

All in all, Gonta has no idea that what he's doing is not the best of ways to handle his love for you. He's not the worst yandere to have, but it can get irritating when he doesn't let you do certain things on your own. When you try to deny him, he gets all sad and it hurts to see him upset since he's only trying to help. Yeah, if you're not one to be able to handle the unintentional guilt tripping, this will end up becoming a cycle that the two of you have made.

#yandere imagines #yandere x reader #yandere danganronpa #yandere danganronpa x reader #yandere gonta gokuhara #yandere gonta #yandere gonta gokuhara x reader #yandere x you #yandere x y/n

[princesssarisa]

A defense of the ending of “Wuthering Heights"

@astrangechoiceoffavourites, @theheightsthatwuthered, @wuthering-valleys, @heightsandmoors, @incorrectwutheringheightsquotes

 I’ve been reading other people’s opinions on Wuthering Heights this past year, I’ve noticed a small recurring theme.

It’s the idea that the ending feels out of place; tacked on; anti-climactic; too tame compared to the rest of the book. That it feels wrong for Heathcliff to simply lose interest in his revenge and then lose the will to live, or for the surviving characters to have any kind of happy or hopeful ending after so much brutality.

One book I read excerpts from on Google Books (I don’t remember the title or the author) suggested that maybe Emily Brontë originally wrote a very different, more brutal and Gothic ending, now lost. The author proposed that the final ending was probably the result of Anne and/or Charlotte urging Emily to tone down the book’s “immorality.” Of course this is pure conjecture. This same author also speculated that in the novel’s first draft, Heathcliff was explicitly Mr. Earnshaw’s illegitimate son, but that Anne and/or Charlotte persuaded Emily to change it. I’m not at all convinced by that theory, since @astrangechoiceoffavourites has argued very eloquently that to make Heathcliff and Cathy’s love forbidden because of the incest taboo rather than because of social class and race would go against the plot’s main themes and make nonsense of Heathcliff’s revenge on the Lintons and Earnshaws.

Still, this theorist isn’t the only person to think the ending (and possibly the whole second generation storyline) feels like the work of a different author than the rest of the book. Just recently I read a comment on Facebook arguing that a more cohesive, consistent Wuthering Heights would have had “a much darker and more explosive ending.” I assume a similar mindset is why some theorize that Branwell wrote the novel’s first half and Emily wrote the second. (I think I hate that theory even more than I hate the theory that Branwell wrote it all – “He didn’t write the whole book, but he did write the part everyone likes best.”) And if we compare the various adaptations’ endings to the ending of the book, there’s definitely a trend of giving Heathcliff a more brutal death.

I understand all of this. The ending of the book is ironic. Heathcliff himself knows it’s ironic: “It is a poor conclusion, is it not?” he asks Nelly, “an absurd termination to my violent exertions?” We don’t expect a towering, terrifying yet fascinating Byronic anti-hero like Heathcliff to become apathetic and ineffectual in the end and then die quietly (albeit mysteriously and eerily) in bed. We’d sooner expect him to freeze to death chasing Cathy’s ghost through a blizzard, or to be shot by his worst enemy, or to be lured by Cathy’s ghost to commit suicide by gunshot.

But I know I’m not the only person who thinks the entire book is fully cohesive and who sees nothing wrong with the ending whatsoever.

As far as I’m concerned, Heathcliff’s “absurd” end is more interesting than anything “darker and more explosive” would have been, precisely because it’s unexpected and yet makes perfect sense. Revenge never makes Heathcliff truly happy or brings him peace of mind: we know that all along. It might distract him from his pain, but it can’t cure it. While initially surprising, in hindsight it’s not surprising at all that, with no out-of-character repentance or remorse, he eventually loses the will to seek any more revenge. At heart it was never what he really wanted most; his real greatest desire is and always has been to be with Cathy.

Then there’s the strongest factor in his loss of his will for revenge: his grudging empathy for Hareton. Again, as far as I’m concerned, this is fascinating irony. Heathcliff has purposefully set out to shape Hareton into a copy of himself. Ultimately, that scheme “goes horribly right,” because he sees too much of his younger self in Hareton to hate him as much as he wants to, or to have the will to separate him from Cathy II the way he himself was separated from Cathy I. Then there’s Hareton’s resemblance to his aunt, Cathy I; even though Heathcliff’s passion for Cathy has been the motive for all his revenge on the two families that separated them, in the end it’s what makes him unable to ruin the lives of her lookalike nephew and her daughter, even though they’re also the children of the two men most responsible for taking Cathy from him. Again, it works because it’s handled delicately and without sentimentality. He still shows no remorse or regret for his past actions, and never shows any real kindness or fondness to Hareton or Cathy II, but despises the conflicted feelings they stir in him. But the fact remains that, despite all his efforts to be a monster over the years, he’s still a human being, capable of some empathy for people in whom he sees aspects of himself and of his beloved Cathy. I think it’s fascinating that this humanity, and not his monstrous actions, is what undoes him in the end.

Also, as some critics have pointed out, the very fact that Heathcliff receives no punishment for his sins (apart from his inner torment) makes the ending subversive by Victorian standards. If he had died a brutal death, it could easily have been viewed as his comeuppance, demonstrating God’s justice. From a moral and religious perspective, it might be all the more disturbing that instead he gets to die as close to a peaceful death as his character allows, with a devilish smile on his face.

Moving beyond Heathcliff’s death, I don’t see anything wrong with Hareton and Cathy II′s ending either.

First of all, it isn’t necessarily a straightforward happy ending. It’s definitely bittersweet if we have any sympathy for Heathcliff, and not just because he dies. This penniless, abused, disdained orphan of color defied the classism and racism of his society by clawing his way to wealth and status and by bringing down the two families who once oppressed him, but in the end, it’s all for nothing. Wuthering Heights and Thrushcross Grange go back to the Earnshaw and Linton heirs and the only trace left of Heathcliff is a single name and death date on a tombstone. He’s just as much of a “nobody” in death as he was as a homeless child. Of course it’s tempting to cheer for this fact because of his cruelty and because Cathy II and Hareton are sympathetic, basically innocent young people whom he unfairly punished for their parents’ sins. But in a way at least, especially in Marxist readings of the book (which I don’t fully agree with but do see validity in), the ending can be viewed as the triumph of the classist and racist status quo.

Nor, as some critics have argued, is it guaranteed that Cathy II and Hareton will live happily ever after. First of all, the fact remains that Hareton loved and loyally served Heathcliff to the end, and to please Hareton, Cathy had to stop speaking out against Heathcliff even though he had horribly abused her. There’s also the fact that Hareton once hit Cathy himself; only once, and before they were even friends, let alone lovers, but in the real world it rarely bodes well for a woman to marry a man who once slapped her. A few critics have wondered if Hareton is really permanently “tamed” in the end, or will eventually revert to the roughness Heathcliff bred in him and abuse his new power and status the same way Heathcliff did. On the flip side, there’s the fact that apart from her conceding not to criticize Heathcliff, Cathy seems to rule over Hareton almost as much as her mother did over Heathcliff when they were children. She educates him, he craves her esteem and does her bidding, and in his lessons she meets his mistakes and inattention (however playfully) with “smart slaps” and threats of hair-pulling. Some critics have wondered if we should view these as red flags; if Cathy II is destined to be an emotional abuser like her mother was.

But even if you don’t subscribe to those darker interpretations of the ending... even if you view Cathy and Hareton as fundamentally good people who genuinely grow and change for the better, find a healthy balance between the worlds of Thrushcross Grange and Wuthering Heights, and will be truly happy together... well, what’s wrong with that?

Is it really so impossible to believe that sometimes the cycle of abuse can be broken, or so “out of place” to show it being broken at the end of a book that shows its horrors? Is it just naïve delusion to hope that, with effort, children can avoid repeating their parents’ mistakes and opposing social structures like the Heights and the Grange can be reconciled? That at least one young couple might manage to combine the good aspects of both worlds while discarding the bad, rather than combining the worst of both worlds the way Heathcliff did? Just because the book is dark as a whole, do we really need to be so cynical when reading it that we can’t allow it to end on a note of hope?

Besides, I’ve written before about the mirror-image character arcs of the two Cathys. Cathy I is born and raised at Wuthering Heights, but eventually leaves it for Thrushcross Grange when she marries the latter household’s heir; she initially loves the rugged dark-haired Heathcliff and wanders the moors with him, but then gains snobbery, treats Heathcliff with increasing disdain, and shifts her attentions to the prissy blond-haired Edgar, whom she marries; as a result, her life ends in misery. Cathy II is born and raised at Thushcross Grange, but eventually she leaves it for Wuthering Heights when she marries the latter household’s heir; she initially loves the prissy blond-haired Linton, whom she marries, and treats the rugged dark-haired Hareton with disdain, but eventually she loses her snobbery, learns to love Hareton, and wanders the moors with him. In no way is Cathy II’s positive ending “tacked on” – her entire character arc is structured to be the opposite of her mother’s tragedy.

I understand why some people don’t care for the ending and think it feels anti-climactic or out of place. But as far as I’m concerned, it’s a thoroughly effective ending and fully consistent with what came before.

#wuthering heights #meta #emily bronte #heathcliff #catherine linton #hareton earnshaw #tw: death #tw: abuse #literature

[electricbluebutterflies]

Soft babes + “You don’t have to sleep here just because I got admitted.”

Chris/Melissa, post 6x06. Did not use the actual prompt line but it did make a good starting point here. PG-ish and also on ao3.

Two years. Two damn years of dealing with what seems like an endless parade of new types of supernatural beings, after spending half her life beautifully oblivious to the existence of anything of that sort, and Melissa’s breaking point is apparently very human and very not used to anyone caring.

It’s not even the whole ancient magical medicine part of the last day of her life that has her overwhelmed, although she did take a moment to write that list down because it could be useful later. Nor is it remotely surprising that the man she’s currently hovering over managed to get himself hurt – from what she’s pieced together, this isn’t even close to a low point there. It’s more…

When bad shit happens to the kids, even the ones who went through hell before they turned into whatever they are now, they all have this sense that they do deserve some kind of caretaking. Her counterpart, on the other hand…

She’s never seen that many scars on a human body before, and she only got a good look from the waist up. It figures this, of all things, would finally be the match for her resilience.

It’s over with now, Melissa reminds herself. It’s over with, and she didn’t have to appropriate anything that would get flagged as anything more than inventory error if anyone were to assess the state of a few supply closets, and half her coworkers know she’s involved in some kind of bizarre situation that doesn’t usually happen out here. Someday she will probably have to explain the supernatural world to a few of her quieter coworkers; for now, it is enough that when Visibly Weird Shit comes in and she’s on shift, it is automatically her problem. She wonders offhand who knows what, who suspects what, how no one questioned this latest round to her face.

(She will blame Malia for that, she decides. The girl tries, but sometimes the claws and fangs are a little more publicly visible than they should be. With that kind of distraction attached, and recent enough in a few particular memories, Melissa could probably do whatever she wanted for the next week and no one would bat an eyelash.)

And the thing is, she’s gotten used to the not-knowing because she can’t make predictions about the biology of creatures she doesn’t understand. A decent working knowledge of werewolf medical care may be her life’s work if all of this keeps up – Melissa is under no delusions this phase of her life will be over when the kids leave for college, she knows how word gets out about safe people, and apparently Beacon Hills is a magnet for creatures so there is no way this ends anytime soon – but most of the time it's trial and error and misjudging metabolism and toxicities. This is different. This is very human and determined to fight her even when drugged to hell, which… is honestly a little more conflicting than it should be.

Blame the loneliness of her positions. Blame the fact that he’s reserved enough she’s not even sure what to call him, what level of formalities they’re working with here. Blame her involuntary dry spell and how long it’s been since someone on her level has fully appreciated how capable she is. She does not care anymore.

It's over, but she is still not letting that man out of her sight because she has heard enough stories not to trust his ability to rest when ordered to. She has a few admin tasks to do anyways, an attempt at electronically erasing the last day or so. It won’t be perfect, her little detours never are, but again the goal is just to avoid a major flag, if it looks like effort was made then she’ll be okay and-

Oh never mind, he’s awake. Next time, she thinks, next time she is finding a way to hook up better sedatives without doing anything she’d have to explain to anyone else. If this is her life for the rest of her life, she needs to find better workarounds.

“You’re still here,” he breathes. She did not realize his voice could get lower but apparently it can, and there are too many possible reasons for that and she worries and-

“Yep, because you won’t ignore me and go chasing whatever the hell attacked you if I don’t give you the chance,” she replies. She knows that’s where this ends – it has to be. Somehow the whatever-the-hell will end up connected to why she’s had to unlock a few doors in the past two weeks and cash in a favor with security, and things will go wrong for other people but not her because the bad things do not happen to her and-

“You don’t have to stay.”

Melissa turns and conjures up what she hopes is a good death glare. Fine, so their relationship so far has  mostly been of the we’re stuck in each other’s worlds so might as well coordinate attempts at surrogate parenting variety and that doesn’t leave a whole lot of space for actual bonding, whatever. The fact that this is where she feels underestimated? Not okay.

“Does any of this look like obligation?” she asks, gesturing around the room. She’s tried to keep the footprint minimal, but there are still a few monitors around in case something more mundane happens, still an IV in him in case of very human emergency. “I can’t… I don’t want to lose you.”

If the worst happened, she told herself while trying to improvise, she’d find a way. She always does. But in the midst of all of this she realized she doesn’t want to. The man may be a stubborn sacrificial idiot with communication issues, yes, but even while poisoned and not exactly mentally present he trusted her to pull off something that may or may not count as low-level magic. That’s a hell of a trust fall, and she…

She wonders. And now is not the time for that, but she wants.

“You’re not getting rid of me,” she says after a few moments’ quiet. “Not possible.”

Call it trust issues, call it loneliness, whatever. She is equally good, and she feels that now, as she moves closer. Her attempts at admin detouring will have to do as they are; right now she is preoccupied.

“You don’t… owe me,” he says, and the rest goes unspoken but she is pretty sure he’s mentally promised his life to her. He would.

“I don’t live in that kind of world. I take care of people. I’m good at it. And you needed me, and the kids knew that, and-“

“You shouldn’t have to-“

“I don’t. I want to.”

#pixievixen #chris argent #melissa mccall #chris x melissa #mcargent #ebf writes fic #ebf remains in cute canon endgame rarepair hell

[songsoomin]

Let Me Down  Part 2 (A, S)

Synopsis: CollegeStudent!Mingi x CollegeStudent!Reader, Friend!Yunho. After you left Mingi due to his neglect of you, you’re both finding it tough to move on

Song inspiration: ‘Need You Now’ Lady A

Genre: Angst, smut and eventual fluff (but not yet)

Warnings: Drunk unprotected sex, fingering, oral (m and f receiving), mentions of using alcohol to cope with the pain, threat of sexual assault (by random character, of course not any of the boys), physical violence (towards same random character). 

Word count: 9K (sorry)

Posted: 27th June 2020

Part 1 Part 3

It was the third time you'd heard the gentle knock on your bedroom door and for the third time you ignored it.

"Y/N...." Jina's worried voice filtered through, "...please come out and eat something."

You buried your head further under the covers.

"You haven't eaten properly in days. Not since -"

"Jina...let her be. She just needs some time." Suzy interjected before Jina could mention him. Both your roomates had been tip-toeing around what happened three days ago. The day you finally broke up with Mingi. They'd both been waiting for you to see sense and dump your selfish, unreliable boyfriend of five years but hadn't forseen the fallout from that decision. Now they were both worried for you.

When they came home from their lectures that day to find you lying on your bed, red-eyed from crying all afternoon. They had thought that as you were the one who broke it off, you'd cry it out and then get over it - after all, it wasn't like you were the one who'd been dumped...you'd chosen to end it. They had got it very wrong, though, because you still loved Mingi, despite leaving him and you felt like your world had caved in on you. You left him because you couldn't stand knowing he didn't love you the same way anymore, knowing you just weren't that important to him. You had to leave because you knew the way he was treating you was wrong. It didn't mean you didn't love him anymore, though, and right now you were starting to question whether this pain you were feeling was worse than the hurt you felt while you were with him.

"You did the right thing, Y/N." Suzy said with confidence later that evening when you had finally given in to Jina's worrying and come out to pick at some toast. "You can't allow yourself to be taken for granted like that."

"I know it hurts now but you'll start to feel better soon and one day you'll find someone who isn't too stupid to see how lucky he is to have you." You almost rolled your eyes at the cliched line coming out of your best friend's mouth but you didn't want to offend her; you knew she was trying her best to cheer you up.  

"It might not be too bad, Y/N..." Jina added, "At least you don't have any shared classes with him and there isn't long left before graduation anyway. You'll never have to see him again after that."

The feeling you got when Jina spoke of never seeing Mingi again was like being punched in the gut. You felt sick so you ditched your toast and made an excuse, trudging back to your room to lay on your bed, willing this feeling to go away.

By Monday you had come to the realisation that you couldn't stay in your room forever so when Suzy - the 'mother' of your trio - came in to ask if you were going to return to your classes, you surprised her by already being awake. It was wholly unlike you to be up and dressed early but you hadn't been sleeping properly for the last week anyway.

As the weeks went by you found that you could return to life as normal for the most part; you went to classes, your part-time job, even a few social gatherings and you seemed almost normal again but Jina and Suzy could see it. You weren't ok. You did a good enough job of pretending in order to get through the day but you weren't quite the same anymore. You also knew this but the only way you knew to manage was to ignore the pain; you buried it as far down as you could until it was just a dull ache in the background, a constant reminder that he didn't love you.

                                                   ********

Mingi POV

"So she finally dumped your sorry arse?" Hongjoong asked once Mingi told him why he was slumped on the couch staring blankly at the TV screen. To be honest he hadn't paid any attention to what was on and now he looked at it properly it appeared to be some kind of gardening programme - certainly not what he would normally watch and what must've caused his friends such confusion when they came back to the dorm Mingi shared with Yunho and Hongjoong.

"You did have it coming, though..." Yeosang said matter-of-factly, earning a glare from Mingi but he continued undisturbed, "I mean, did you think she would put up with being neglected forever? You barely made any time for her, at all."

Mingi contemplated that and realised he had never thought about it. It would be a lie to say he was unaware that he prioritised his friends over you but he just assumed you were ok and would always be there.

"You ok, bro?" Yunho asked, jolting Mingi out of his thoughts suddenly. The tall blonde, as his best friend, was more worried about how Mingi felt than the others were.

"I'm fine." Mingi said trying to sound a lot more happy than he felt. "In fact, I'm great. I can do whatever I want now, spend as much time with you guys as I like without being nagged about it. Now I can enjoy our last months at college before we have to join the real world."

Yunho looked at him as if he was crazy and maybe he was but if he kept telling himself that this was a good thing for him then maybe he would start to believe it and get rid of this painful aching in his chest.

"You know, you really didn't deserve her." Yunho muttered as he walked away.

It had been about two months since Mingi had really seen you - not that he hadn't looked but he seemed to only catch a glimpse of you as you crossed the campus grass or disappeared into one of the lecture halls. He thought he'd at least see you in the cafeteria or eating lunch with your friends on the grass as the weather was so nice now but he never did - it was almost like you had completely disappeared from his life. He hadn't spoken to his friends about you at all - still stuck in his delusion that if he pretended to be happy without you, he would be - but eventually he asked Yunho, who was on the same course as you, if you were still attending lessons.

"Yeah, of course she is." Yunho answered, not thinking much of it as he was distracted with the choice of pizza in front of him at the lunch counter.

"Do you talk to her much? Is she ok?" Mingi attempted to seem nonchalant but the questions caught Yunho's attention now that he'd settled on his usual pepperoni and a diet coke to wash it down with.

"Why?" He asked, raising an eyebrow in challenge. Mingi kept pretending he was having a great time single, going out to clubs, drinking, flirting with girls, but Yunho had been his best friend since they were five years old and he wasn't swallowing that crap. It didn't escape his attention that Mingi was drinking too much and, as much as he flirted, never accepted any of the girls' advances.

"No reason. I just hardly ever see her around - I just wondered." Mingi looked away fast, not wanting Yunho to see just how much he wanted to hear anything about you.

"Uh-huh, sure." Yunho shook his head at Mingi, "Just go try to win her back or something. The others might not notice but I know this is tearing you apart."

"Hey! She dumped me! If she loved me so much she wouldn't have left." As his voice faltered on those last words, Mingi couldn't help but let slip how he really felt. There was no point hiding it, anyway. Yunho already knew.

"You're so stupid, Mingi." Yunho replied, sighing because what he also knew was that you looked like shit all the time because you weren't sleeping or eating properly. He knew you were just as unhappy but Mingi was still just as self-absorbed, only thinking about how hard this was on him when really he should just take some fucking responsibility for how he treated you and realise it was all his own fault.

                                                      ********

In truth you very much had been avoiding any place you knew Mingi would be; you knew his schedule and his habits so you simply made sure you took a different route if your classes ended around the same time. You always went off campus for lunch, as well, somewhere you knew Mingi wouldn't go. Jina and Suzy were really supportive, they knew that it was still hard for you to see him and would do anything to help you through it. As time wore on you actually found that not seeing Mingi helped a lot and slowly you were starting to feel better. Your best friends were also delighted to see you starting to eat better, taking it as a sign you were getting over him. It didn't always work, you were bound to see him occasionally as you were at the same college. When you did see him, though, he would be laughing with his friends, looking so carefree. Sometimes you would see him talking to girls, though, and that same dull ache that never really went away clawed its way back to the surface.

"We're going out tonight!" Suzy announced as she breezed into the living room of your shared dorm.

"Who is?" You asked, confused.

"We are. The three of us." She threw you a look that dared you to say 'no' and carried on so you wouldn't have time to protest. "Lucas invited us to a bar with his friends tonight so I've decided to take you out to have some fun."

"Fun?" You weren't sure about Suzy's idea of fun; it usually involved a lot of drinking and dancing and, more often than not, making fools of yourselves.

"Yes. Fun. That thing you never have anymore. It's about time you got back out there instead of moping around this place. You might even meet someone nice - Lucas has a lot of hot friends, you know." She added with a cheeky wink. "So get in your room and get ready now. I want a hot-looking Y/N in one hour. Jina, that goes for you too!"

"Yes, ma'am!" Jina mock-saluted and headed towards her room, laughing.

You weren't opposed to going out; maybe it would help but you didn't care about meeting anyone. You knew very well how good-looking Lucas's friends were and you used to think Johnny might have a thing for you but you weren't there yet.

The bar itself was really nice and the music wasn't too noisy so you could still have a conversation without having to shout. It had an 80's vibe with coloured neon tube-lights and music of the era but didn't overdo it, still being able to pass for a normal bar rather than a themed one. As soon as you were there, Suzy made a beeline for Lucas and virtually leapt into his arms, kissing him passionately; given their size difference he easily caught and lifted her up when she jumped, wrapping her legs around his middle. They were a really cute couple, you thought; him tall and blonde and Suzy smaller with dyed red-hair. You and Jina followed along, greeting him once she'd let him go and getting introduced to any of his friends that you didn't know already.  

You were actually having a pretty good time, surprisingly, Lucas's friends were fun and made you feel welcome. Some of them might have been a bit too eager to make you - and Jina - feel welcome and you suspected it was to do with what you were wearing and you knew you looked good. Your blue dress wasn't too revealing but it clung in the right places and emphasised your curves and you'd completed the look with a pair of high heels. You may not have been interested in catching anyone's eye but you still liked to look nice because it always made you feel more confident. Jina, however, was loving all the attention she was getting from the boys and was flirting shamelessly, making you laugh to yourself - something you hadn't done much of in months. An hour or so in the drink caught was making it's way through you and you decided to head to the bathroom but, as you wound your way through the crowd of people, you heard something that made you stop in your tracks. You knew that familiar, deep voice all too well and it cut through you like a knife.

You looked to where the voice came from and saw Mingi sitting with some blonde girl on one side of a booth with Seonghwa and a brunette on the other, looking very much like they were double-dating. Your heart twisted painfully as you watched the blonde girl very evidently flirting with him and taking every opportunity to stroke his arm or put her hand on his broad chest. As you stood there dumbstruck, Mingi looked around and you could see the shock cross his handsome face as he registered you standing there.

"Y/N." He called your name almost apologetically, like he'd been caught doing something but you weren't hanging around to find out what he had to say; you almost ran to the bathroom and flew into one of the stalls breathing hard. You sat there processing the situation - so what if he was on a date with some girl? He can do whatever he wants - he's a free man. It wasn't for you to care anymore, you said 'goodbye' to him. You can't afford to care now, you'd come so far trying to move on. Like this you reasoned yourself into a kind of calm and made your way back to your friends, taking a route in which you wouldn't walk past him again. It must have been a little obvious that you weren't quite ok as Johnny seemed to notice but then he had been paying you a fair bit of attention tonight.

"Are you ok? You look a little pale."

"Yeah, I'm fine..." you lied as best you could, "Just need another drink is all."

"Comin' right up!" Johnny smiled and ordered you another Purple Rain cocktail while you forced yourself to look happy and normal. You drank the drink pretty quickly and ordered another, hoping the alcohol might ease the ache in your chest that had now returned with a vengeance.

                                                     ********

Mingi POV

"Mingi....Mingi!"

"Oh.. uh.... what?"

"Dammit, Mingi, I've been talking to you for the last five minutes - why are you never with it anymore?" Hongjoong asked, exasperated with his roomate's behaviour.

Yeosang snorted, "We all know why he's never with it anymore."

"Shut up, Yeosang!" Mingi spat back at the smaller blonde man.

Hongjoong sighed and looked at Mingi with concern in his eyes, "Mingi, we're all worried about you. You don't sleep properly, you either mope around the dorm or you stay out partying all night long.....and we've all noticed how much you're drinking these days."

So what if he was? Mingi was tired of his friends' interfering. Why couldn't they just leave him alone?

"You know what you need?" Seonghwa added as he plopped down on to the couch next to Mingi, "You need a good fuck."

"Oh my God - that's your answer to everything, Hwa!" Hongjoong despaired, throwing his hands in the air at the oldest member of their friend group. "He needs to deal with his feelings, not hook up with random girls."

"No, it's exactly what he needs." Seonghwa turned his attention over to Mingi now, "Get back on the horse, bro; you haven't been with anyone since Y/N." The mere mention of your name caused Mingi's heart to clench and the pained look on his face didn't go unnoticed by his friends.

"Getting back out there and meeting girls is the best way to forget about her and move on." Except Mingi didn't want to forget about you.

"How on Earth would you know, Hwa?" Yeosang interrupted, laughing, "You've never had your heart broken. In fact, do you even have a heart to break?"

Yeosang laughed harder at the rude gesture Seonghwa threw his way as he replied, "You're just jealous I get laid so much more than you do, Sangie. It's the safest way - if you don't get attached, you can't get hurt."

"Hwa's right!" Mingi jumped up, surprising them all, "If that's what it takes to prove to you all that I'm fine and stop you nagging at me, I'll do it."

"Great! I'm seeing this new girl tonight so I'll ask her to bring a friend along for you." Seonghwa grabbed his phone and started texting, "Go get ready, Min."

A few hours later Mingi was seated in a booth next to some blonde girl he'd just met with Seonghwa and a brunutte opposite them. He had started to realise that Hwa was not right, after all. He didn't want to be here with this vapid girl that was meant to be his date and, to be honest, he'd already forgotten her name. The girls Seonghwa hung around with were all very pretty but he didn't look for much more than that - why would he when he never intended to get to know them? To him, the girls he dated were just for a fun night - maybe a few if he liked them enough - they never lasted long. Seonghwa was tall, dark haired and, arguably, the best looking of them all; his aura just seemed to attract girls without him even trying.

Mingi couldn't help but compare this girl to you; you were beautiful and intelligent. You could have fun together and proper conversations, you had a connection - this girl was so dull, just talking about celebrities and clothes...he really didn't know how Seonghwa could bear it just to get his dick sucked at the end of the night.

He really was trying his best to be friendly and polite but this stupid girl just kept pawing at him, laughing at anything he said as if it were the funniest thing she'd ever heard. He downed his third drink and ordered another just to try to get through this ordeal.

As he was getting through the fourth drink, Mingi felt eyes on him, turning around he saw you standing there looking back at him and the girl. You looked so beautiful to him, in the blue dress he used to love on you the most but he couldn't look away from your face and the look of utter hurt in your eyes.

"Y/N..." He called out, throwing the girl's arm off himself, but to no avail. You darted towards the bathroom and away from him.

"Is that girl someone you know?" The blonde asked him with almost a jealous tone to her voice.

"Just...stop talking." He ground out, annoyed at her very presence, and stalked off towards the bar, downing his drink as he went.

Once there Mingi ordered another drink and two shots; he didn't want to feel what he was feeling and alcohol had become the only thing that came close to helping. Why did he feel like he'd been caught cheating on you? It was you who left him! He laughed bitterly at himself for ever thinking that if he just pretended to be fine, he eventually would be. It had been months now and the hole in his heart was still just as raw.  

"Min..." Seonghwa appeared beside him, "What are you doing?"

"Hwa, I know you're trying to help but I can't do this." Mingi said, downing the shots one after the other as  Seonghwa stood there, eyebrows raised in concern.

"You're going to have to move on at some point, Min... It looks like Y/N is." Seonghwa said gently, tilting his head in your direction.

Mingi looked to where  his friend nodded and felt anger rise up in his chest as he watched you take a purple cocktail from Johnny, laughing at something he'd just said. He couldn't stand this; just the thought of Johnny - anyone - taking his place at your side, holding you, kissing you, touching you..... No! He wouldn't even think of it. He couldn't bear to. Mingi downed his last drink and marched towards the door, leaving his friend just staring after him.

Next morning, Mingi woke up feeling sick, not knowing if it were more from the alcohol or the memories of seeing you looking happy and carefree with Johnny. As far as he could see, you didn't look close enough to be an item but who knows? The thought of you with another man still filled him with anger but you weren't his anymore. He had to get used to that.

He texted Seonghwa to apologise for running out so suddenly.

It's ok, bro, I understand why you didn't want to be there anymore. Came the reply, followed quickly by,

Oh.. and don't worry, I made sure your date had a good time ; )

Mingi laughed to himself, thankful for Hwa's easygoing nature.

                                                     ********

You sat with Suzy and Lucas at the breakfast table next morning, Lucas had stayed over and made pancakes for the three of you and you sat eating and chatting about the night before.

"Jina really went home with Jaehyun?" You asked wide-eyed. You'd thought she was sleeping in and that was why you hadn't seen her yet this morning.

"Yeah," Suzy giggled, "...She's had her eye on him for some time; I guess she must've felt brave enough to make a move last night."

"Wow, good for her, I guess." You said forking another bit of maple syrup covered pancake into your mouth.

"Jaehyun's a nice guy," Lucas added, "he'll be good to her."

You sat quietly as Suzy and her boyfriend talked together about the events of last night. The ever-present dull ache throbbed as your mind replayed the image of Mingi with the blonde girl's hands all over him. He wasn't yours anymore, you told yourself, he could see anyone he wanted to.

Your only concern now had to be trying to get through your exams and graduate and you couldn't afford to be distracted by anything else if you were going to do that. You finished up your pancake and cleared your plate into the sink, thanking Lucas for making it as you went.

"What are your plans today, Y/N?" Suzy asked.

"Oh, I think I'll just study; I'm still a little behind on my coursework and I'll have no hope of graduating if I don't get this done."

"Ok...work hard!" Suzy chirped as you wandered back into your bedroom.

You'd done it. You'd got through your exams and were graduating. It had been really hard and you'd had to keep forcing yourself to concentrate on your studies because Mingi was never far from your thoughts. It was easier being without him now than it was in those first months but the dull ache never entirely went away - always reminding you of it's presence if ever you caught a glimpse of him around campus. Jina and Suzy had done their best to pull you through it but you found yourself having to accept the reality that the pain would now always be a part of you. You ached for Mingi, to be back in his arms, but you knew he wasn't right for you. He didn't feel the same.

The actual day of graduation passed by in a blur - the calling of names and collecting of certificates had been terribly boring but you'd daydreamed your way through most of it, having to be nudged by Jina when you missed your name being called. Your parents had come along and taken you out to dinner - just like everyone else's parents so the restaurants were packed. Despite trying your best not to think about Mingi over the last few months you had decided to talk to Yunho about him briefly during class.

"Yunho?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you think you could do me a big favour?" You ventured nervously. You were close to Yunho from sharing classes with him all throughout college but he was still Mingi's best friend so you weren't sure how this would go down with him.

"Uhh...sure. Well...depends what it is." He laughed, flashing his blindingly bright smile at you. You'd always thought he was kind of cute but now his dyed blonde hair started to grow out and his natural black peeked through he was even more good-looking.

"Could you try to find out where Mingi and his parents are planning to go for his graduation meal?" Yunho looked a little surprised so you tried to explain your request. "It's just that...I don't want to run into him because I know it will be awkward. Our parents will probably start to chat because they used to be friends when we were dating and I don't think I could deal with that."

A look of sympathy crossed Yunho's face and he reached out from his seat next to you and rubbed his had up and down your back in a reassuring manner. "Sure, Y/N. I'll do my best."

Yunho had come through so you were able to relax at dinner, knowing you wouldn't have to deal with the unwanted situation.

Although the dinner was nice and it was lovely to see your parents after a long time, you were more excited about the bigger celebration tomorrow; it was generally tradition for the graduates to go to out clubbing the day after (given that the parents wanted to celebrate on the day itself) but the next night you could really unwind and enjoy yourselves. You were a bit sad because the end of college meant your best friends would be moving on with their lives but you were trying to see it as an opportunity yourself - you felt like this city was your home so you wouldn't physically be moving but, metaphorically, you could move on from this last painful period of your life.

The next morning you saw your parents and wished them a good journey home; they had moved since you started college so they were further away than they used to be and didn't want to make the drive home late at night. They stayed in a hotel overnight and you met them for breakfast before seeing them off but once they were gone you started to get excited about the evening to come. You, Jina and Suzy had made reservations at a salon to have manicures and pedicures, and get your make up done; partly because you wanted a treat but also to spend the day being pampered with your two best friends before you wouldn't have them in your life so much anymore. You also went to get your hair done - nothing drastic, just a trim and professional blow dry - you wanted to look great tonight and you'd never felt you were any good at doing your own hair. A new dress and heels and you were ready.

The chosen club was the favourite one for the students to visit, it played the best music and didn't charge a fortune for drinks - best of all though, it had a 2-for-1 offer on cocktails and shots, knowing all the students would flock there for their post-graduation celebration. As you walked in you felt amazing, your dress was a black, sparkly material, fitted in all the right places and shorter than you normally went for. You matched it with strappy, black stilettos with a glitter heel and subtle silver jewellery. It wasn't just your look that made you feel amazing, you just felt better than you had in a long time; maybe it was optimism for a fresh start.

As the night wore on, the drinks kept flowing and you were well on your way to being drunk and having a great time with your own group of revellers. You, Jina and Suzy were there with Lucas and his usual friends but he'd also brought along some others from his course who you'd never met before. You'd normally be shy around new people and keep to yourself but the alcohol and excited atmosphere made you braver and you were all happily dancing together. There was one guy in particular who seemed to have taken a liking to you and was dancing very close, trying to grind on you; you were happy to dance with him but politely tried to keep a distance between you. After a while he was getting a bit too handsy so you excused yourself to go get a water from the bar. It was there that you spotted the one person you had hoped not to see and he was heading in your direction right now. As he approached you noticed he had cut his black hair slightly shorter than before and had a fringe. A lot of students chose to dye their hair bright colours but you loved Mingi's naturally black hair - with that and his beautiful dark eyes and plump pink lips, you'd always thought he looked stunning.  Just to make it harder for you he had worn a dark blue shirt with the first two buttons undone so you could see the thin silver chain he wore draped across his well defined collarbones and it made your heart beat a little faster.

"Y/N, can we talk?"

You looked up at Mingi, wishing all the feelings you had been trying to supress for the last few months weren't trying to claw their way to the surface.

"I don't think that's a good idea." You said, looking away from him, still waiting for your turn to get served.

"Oh, but dancing provocatively with your arse in some dude's crotch is a good idea to you?"

You snapped your head up and stared at him in shock. Was he really doing this?

"What has it got to do with you if I do, Mingi?" You were starting to get angry, he can't just decide to start caring now after taking you for granted for so long.

"Maybe I just don't like seeing some other guy with his hands all over my girlfriend." He said, raising his already naturally loud voice a little, making the few people in earshot look round curiously.  

"Except I'm not your girlfriend, am I?" You spat at him and the look of hurt that flashed over his features sent a pain through your heart - or was it really the fact that you weren't his that was hurting you?.

"Y/N...please." He looked like a hurt puppy and your resolve wavered - only for a moment, though, because you remembered the blonde at the bar and anger rose up in your chest again.

"You think can go out and date random girls with Seonghwa but get to tell me who I can and can't dance with?"

"What? That stupid girl from the bar? I just went on that date to stop Hwa bugging me about it and I left just after I saw you there. I never wanted her - I only want you!" The look Mingi gave you was so earnest you wanted to believe him but the truth was he had hurt you so much.

The bartender came then to take your order. You should've just asked for the water you came for but the dull ache you had come to live with was turning into a sharp, tearing pain again.

"Two shots of tequila, please." Mingi waited silently beside you while you got your drinks and paid. When you were done he grabbed your arm, trying to stop you from leaving.

"Y/N... Please give me another chance." He looked so broken but you couldn't go back to him, back to being neglected and ignored.

You downed both shots and put the glasses back on the bar. Steeling yourself against the pained look he was giving you, you turned and looked up into the face of the man you knew, deep down, you still loved but were still too angry at.

"No, Mingi. I can't."

You walked back to the dance floor, knowing full well what you were doing was petty, and started dancing with that same guy whose name you didn't even know. This time you did dance provocatively and you let him grind against you. You knew Mingi was watching you, you could see him looking over at you while he drank with his seven friends. It was a bad idea, you knew that but you wanted Mingi to know that he didn't own you. You were his once but he ruined it.

You were having a lot of fun but eventually you started to feel the alcohol catching up to you as your movements became less co-ordinated. It was pretty late anyway so you told Suzy and Jina you were calling it a night.

"Do you want us to come with you?" Jina asked but you knew they were still a long way off from being done.

"I'll be fine; there are still lots of people on the streets and I won't go through any secluded areas." You promised.

Hugs were exchanged and you stumbled you way through the mass of clubbers to get to the door. Outside you stopped a little way from the club and enjoyed the feeling of the cool night air on your hot skin.

"Hey." You turned in the direction of the male voice to find the guy you had been dancing with had followed you out of the club.

"Oh. Hi." You said uneasily, hoping he didn't want what you thought he might.

"So I thought we could go back to my place and have a little more fun, yeah?" He took a few steps closer to you with a look in his eyes that made you uncomfortable.

"I'd really rather go home alone, thank you." You said as confidently as you could despite feeling anxious, hoping he would accept your refusal and leave you alone.  

He closed the distance running his hand down your arm and closing his hand around your wrist. "You see...I don't really think it's fair for you to tease me all night like that and then not give me a little something." You swallowed nervously, looking around and trying to think of how to get out of this awful situation.

"Don't you agree?" He added a little menacingly, leaning in closer to you.

The male tightened his grip on your wrist and started to pull you in the direction of a nearby side street; it was dark with no one down there and panic started to rise up in your chest, causing it to tighten horribly.

If you were able to think rationally you would have screamed to alert the other people on the streets that something was wrong but the fear had gripped you and all you could manage was a futile attempt at breaking free of this man's hold. He wasn't huge but you were still small compared to him, in height and build and his grip was firm.

As he pulled you, stumbling because of your stilettos and the alcohol, into the side street you managed to find your voice and, as loudly as you could muster with the fear still constricting your throat, you tried to shout, "Let me go! I don't want this!"

The man didn't listen to you, he simply stopped some way down the dark street and pushed your back up against the wall, holding you in place.

"Get your hands off her NOW!" His voice was low and full of anger but it was so beautiful to you in this moment.

"Get lost. She's mine tonight." The man said not even looking in the direction of the intruder but still looking directly at you with a nasty smile on his face.

All of a sudden he was yanked back away from you; he still had one of his hands on your wrist and pulled you over as he flew back.

"Are you ok?" Mingi asked, scanning your face. His voice held none of the anger it had a moment ago as he spoke gently to you. You let Mingi pull you up and steady you on your feet, feeling just a slight pain in your knee as it had been grazed by the fall.

"What's your problem, dude? I'm just trying to have a little fun."

The anger flashed over Mingi's face again as he straightened up and turned to the man and before you knew it he punched him hard in the face, the man stumbling and falling to the ground. Mingi turned back to you and gently said, "Let's go." and you could see he was doing his very best to hold in his fury. It already made him angry to think of another man touching you but to do so without your consent - and to hurt you, as well - took him beyond angry.

"She's just a tease anyway. If she's gonna act like a whore, she'll get treated like one." The man angrily called out after your retreating backs but Mingi couldn't let that pass, he wanted this scum to be sorry he ever touched you. He let you go and strode back to the man who was still sitting on the pavement, he grabbed his collar roughly in his left hand and started raining punches down on him. You stumbled your way over the uneven paving stones to try to calm him before he did any real damage but Mingi was in a rage; the man now lying on the ground having his face pounded by both of Mingi's large fists as he straddled his body.

"Mingi, please!" You cried out, worried someone would see this. The man was scum and didn't deserve any better given what he would've done to you but you didn't want Mingi getting into trouble because of his temper.

"MINGI, STOP!" He finally stopped, breathing hard and looked down at the bloody man under him. He was nowhere near calm but he let you lead him away.

You walked mostly silent back to your dorm, holding Mingi's arm for support with just the occasional query from him as to how you felt and if you were hurt, to which you tried to reassure him that you were fine now and it was just a graze. At your dorm you invited Mingi inside, partly because you didn't want him going off still so angry and partly to clean him up - his knuckles were cut and bloody and, at some point, the man must've got at least one punch in as you could see a fresh cut on Mingi's lip.

You sat Mingi on the couch as you prepared some water, cotton wool and antiseptic spray to treat his wounds. As he sat there with his head in his hands you could see the amount of anger still bubbling inside him.

"Mingi, I'm ok. Really." You said gently, startling him as he hadn't heard your approach.

"I'm not." He said simply. "I wanted to kill that guy for what he was trying to do to you."

Not knowing what to say to that you simply took one of Mingi's big hands in yours and started to clean the blood off his knuckles before gently drying them and spraying a little antiseptic over the cut skin. You laughed lightly when he hissed at the sting of it.

"So you can take the pain of repeatedly punching a man in the face until your knuckles bleed but you can't deal with a little stinging?"

Mingi smiled but it didn't reach his eyes, "You've calmed me down a bit now. The anger overtook me so much back there, I guess I didn't feel the pain."

You didn't reply, just moved quietly on to his other hand, cleaning it as he sat on the couch with his eyes closed and his head laid back. You smiled to yourself when he fussed about the antiseptic again.

Mingi looked up when you gently started to dab at the cut on his lip with wet cotton wool. While you were concentrating on cleaning off the blood, you could see that Mingi was staring intently at your face. A couple of times you looked up at him from you position next to him - kneeling on the couch but sitting back on your feet - and each time your eyes met you could see something blazing in his beautiful, dark eyes. It was definitely affection but you didn't know if it was love; that was something you had been sure he didn't have for you anymore. You looked closer at Mingi, looked into those intense, dark eyes that you loved so much and thought that maybe he did still love you.

Although, you knew it was a bad idea, you slowly leaned up and gently kissed the corner of his lip where he was cut. "Thank you for saving me." you added softly.

Mingi looked at you for a few seconds before grabbing your face with his large hands and pulling you in for a kiss; asking for entry with his tongue as he licked across your bottom lip. You knew it was wrong but you gave in and melted into it, kissing him back eagerly. You'd never been able to let go of your feelings for Mingi, even though you'd tried to bury them and, in your still slightly drunken state you didn't have the strength to deny him.

Mingi placed his hands firmly around your waist and pulled you onto his lap so you were straddling him, your short, black dress riding further up so the only barrier between you and the growing bulge in his trousers was your delicate underwear. He left your lips and kissed along your jawline, moving to your neck, pulling a gasp from you as he sucked hard against your soft skin. You couldn't help yourself and started grinding your core against him, feeling the bulge grow harder still underneath you. Mingi grabbed a hold of your dress and pulled it over your head in one fluid motion, almost growling as he took in the sight of you in your matching black lace bra and brazillian panties.

"I've missed you so much, Y/N. You have no idea how much I want you right now." His rough voice was deeper than you'd ever heard it and it sent shivers down your spine, the excitement making your core clench instinctively and wetness start to pool. As you moaned his name, Mingi unclasped your bra and tossed it to the floor, immediately latching his mouth onto one of your hard nipples while his large hand caressed the other breast before pulling harshly at your delicate nub with his thumb and forefinger. You let out a loud moan and ground down harder against his clothed erection wanting to feel more friction on your heated core and Mingi, knowing what you wanted so well by now, lifted you slightly and slipped his hand under the waistband of your panties and entered your warm, wet hole with his long fingers, reaching deeper than you ever could yourself.

The only thing you could hear was your own moans of pleasure and the wet sound of Mingi's fingers fucking in and out of you harshly. Suddenly Mingi lifted you into his strong arms and carried you into your bedroom, while you kissed down his neck, taking in the familiar scent of his cologne. He laid you on the bed and slid your panties off you, groaning as he took in the sight of your bare, wet pussy. Mingi crawled between you legs, firmly grabbing one in each hand and spread them further apart. Slowly he placed wet kisses along your inner thighs but gradually something more animalistic came over him and he started to mark you, biting and sucking hard and making bruises start to appear almost instantly. He ran his mouth all the way up from your soft inner thighs to the delicate skin between your thighs and your aching pussy and, finally, pulling you closer to him roughly he marked his way over your hips. He was like an animal that had fought and won for his mate and you loved that he was now marking you as his own before he took you as his own, too.

Marking complete, Mingi dove between your legs and licked all the way up your smooth, wet folds. You moaned out loud in pleasure as he finally slipped his tongue between them and straight into your tight hole, lapping up your juices and moaning against you.

"You taste so sweet, Baby. You don't know how badly I've wanted this." The vibration of his deep voice quickly drove you to the edge and when Mingi moved his mouth up to suck hard on your swollen clit you thought you were going to explode right then. Mingi shoved two of his long fingers back inside your entrance, which was now soaking with both your own wetness and his saliva, curling them up to hit your sweet spot and you couldn't contain it any longer. Intense pleasure flooded over you as Mingi continued to suck and lick sloppily at your clit while pumping his long fingers into you at a maddening pace, forcing your release to continue on for longer and longer. As you finally started to come down from the high, your body shuddered at the overwhelming sensitivity and you had to gently push Mingi's head away from your abused clit.

"Did you enjoy that, Angel?" He growled out lowly, "I've missed having my tongue inside you so much."

"But I'll bet you've missed my tongue on your cock so much more." You teased, blinking up at him through your lashes. Mingi always loved when you looked innocent but said the dirtiest things. He quickly undressed, stripping everything off entirely and you felt a thrill of excitement as you took in the sight of his hard dick standing against his lower stomach, pre-cum glistening on the tip.

"Let me take care of you, Mingi." You purred as you took his hands and pulled him down to lay on your bed. You crawled between his legs and gave him a long, sultry look as you lowered your head and kissed his wet tip. Mingi groaned at the sight of his pre-cum staining your lips and grabbed the back of your head, pulling it down, desperate to feel those soft lips around his cock. You happily obliged, wrapping your wet lips around the head and licking at the sensitive spot just under the rim. You felt his dick twitch in response but pulled away, only to lick all the way up the underside and finish with a flick against the rim again.  

"Oh God...please!" Mingi was never good at being teased, always desperate to be inside you already so you gave him exactly what he wanted and, in one smooth motion, took his entire length in your mouth.

"Oh...fuck!" Mingi's cries of pleasure filled the air as you bobbed your head up and down, dragging your mouth almost all the way up to the tip only to slide right back down until he was hitting the back of your throat.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck!" The sounds of you gagging on his cock were the most beautiful to Mingi and you knew how much he loved it so you deep-throated him as best you could, which wasn't easy given how big he was. You pulled away for air when you felt him start to twitch more, knowing he was close and you crawled up to straddle him, rubbing your bare heat against his throbbing member.

"Mingi, I want you inside me." You whispered in his ear as you bit on his earlobe then moved down to bite and suck on his neck, leaving marks of your own.

He groaned in frustration, "Baby, I don't have any protection on me. I didn't expect this to happen."

You didn't have anything either, having not been with anyone since him but drunken desire took over you, drowning out the tiny sober voice in the back of your head which told you this was an incredibly stupid idea.

"Mingi! I need you. Please fuck me."

Being somewhat impaired himself, Mingi didn't have the willpower to resist, he flipped you over and held himself above you with one hand beside your head and the other stroking his hard dick. He positioned himself at your entrance and stroked his tip up and down your wet slit to lubricate himself before slowly sliding in to you. The feeling of sheer pleasure overwhelmed you as you felt his thick cock stretching your walls to accommodate it and you clenched around him instinctively.

"Shit...I forgot how tight you are." He breathed out as he pushed all the way in as far as he could.

"And I forgot... aaahhh...how big and thick you are...." you cried out as Mingi hit your G-spot perfectly. He had always been big - and perhaps it was just because you'd missed him being inside you so much - but right now he felt huge and you wondered how on Earth he was fitting in your tight little hole.

Mingi leaned down and kissed you deeply, never stopping his hard, deep thrusts. His soft lips moved down to your neck leaving wet kisses down your hot skin until he reached your collarbone and resumed marking you.

"God, I love your tight cunt." He growled out between kisses as he continued to thrust hard and fast. The feeling of Mingi's big, hard cock sliding in and out of your aching core was more than you could bear and the intensity of it overtook all your senses until you couldn't feel anything else but him.

"This sweet little cunt belongs to me." He said as he continued to fuck you roughly. "Tell me you haven't let anyone else touch you. Tell me you're still mine." Mingi's voice was a mix of possessive and desperate as he begged you for reassurance.

"Mingi..." you panted out as he continued to rock his hips against yours, "There was never anyone else but you."

"Tell me you're mine." He demanded, his deep, powerful voice forcing you into submission.

"I'm yours, Mingi. I'm all yours." A tiny part of you knew this was all a bad idea but it felt so right. Mingi being inside you made you feel complete and, for once, you couldn't feel that dull ache in your chest anymore.

Mingi could feel you clenching around him and, knowing you were getting close again, he reached down between your boddies and began to circle your still very sensitive clit while whispering praises to you.

"That's it, beautiful girl, cum for me again." He let out a deep groan as he felt your walls convulse around him and your warm, wetness release all over his thick cock.

Chasing his own high, Mingi lifted your legs to rest over his shoulders so he could reach deeper inside you and his thrusts got harder but sloppier as he came ever closer to orgasm.

"Baby, you feel like Heaven...I wanna fill you up so badly." He was so close now and you desperately wanted him do it.

"Mingi, cum for me. Fill me up. Make me yours, Mingi." It was all he needed to hear and with a couple more thrusts he released deep inside you, filling you up with his hot, thick cum.

Mingi remained inside you as you both breathed heavily, coming down from your highs, before pulling out and laying beside you on the bed. He pulled you into his arms and, as you were succumbing to sleep, you could hear him murmuring,

"You're mine, Angel. You'll always be mine."

                                                    ********

As you woke to the sun's rays filtering through your window, you had a mixture of thoughts running through your mind as the memories of last night came flooding back. Mingi was laying next to you, still with an arm wrapped around you and he roused as he felt you moving to sit up.

"Good morning, Baby."

You smiled at him but it didn't reach your eyes. You were so confused; what happened last night had felt so right but now you were entirely sober and could think about it clearly, you were scared. Mingi had hurt you before and it had taken so much to get over it that you were scared to let it happen again.

"Y/N, what's up?" He could see by your expression that something was wrong but didn't know where your thoughts were taking you.

"Mingi...What happened last night. It shouldn't have."

"What are you talking about?" He asked, confused.

"We can't be together. You hurt me before, I can't go back to that - I can't go through that again."

"Baby, you're mine." He said desperately, "You said you were mine." In his eyes you could see tears forming, shaking your resolve. You couldn't bear to see him like that so you looked down at your hands which were in your lap, playing with your fingers anxiously.

"I can't be yours anymore, Mingi. Last night...we were both drunk." You said it gently, willing him to understand.

"I may have been a little drunk but I know it wasn't a mistake. I love you, Y/N."

"I'm sorry, Mingi. Please...just go." The words sounded wrong in your ears but you were so scared of being hurt again.

"Don't do this to me again. I can't be without you, Baby." His deep voice sounded so desperate but you couldn't look at him, couldn't afford to let him change your mind.

"I'm so sorry." Despite the tears falling, the finality in your tone told him that you meant it. You felt the bed move as he got up and heard the rustle of his clothes as he picked them up and silently dressed. You held in your sobs until you had heard the front door close, knowing if he heard how broken you were he would come back. Once you were all alone you let all the pain debilitate you and sobbed into the pillow which smelled so much of the man you still loved.

                                                      ********

Mingi POV

Hongjoong and Yunho looked up as their other roomate walked in the door looking disheveled.

"Hey! Where did you go last night? You suddenly disappeared." The shorter of the two asked.

They watched as Mingi silently walked to the kitchen side and picked up the half-drunk bottle of bourbon sitting there. Unscrewing the cap and tossing it onto the side, he took a long swig. He hissed slightly as the alcohol stung the cut on his lip, causing some of the brown liquid to drip down onto his shirt.

As your ex-boyfriend walked towards his room, the bourbon bottle gripped tight in his hand, his two best friends really took in the state of him - cuts all over his knuckles, a cut on his lip which was starting to bruise.

"Mingi, what the hell happened to you?" Yunho called out, alarmed.

"Just....leave me alone."

#song mingi #song mingi smut #song mingi ateez #ateez x reader #ateez smut #ateez mingi #ateez angst #mingi x reader #mingi x reader smut #mingi angst #ateez college au

[exhaustedfander]

For the prompt: Intrulogical, one of them is sick, one must take care of the other

I haven’t written a sickfic in ages and I forgot how cute these things were. I decided to make Remus the one taking care of Logan because I like the idea of the bastard man being soft for one(1) nerd. I’d love to hear what you guys think, enjoy! 

a03 link 

Word Count: 3,313

I’ll Take Care of You [Intrulogical]

Logan wakes with a pounding in his head, feeling as though his body has been (figuratively) lit on fire. His hand skims over the bedsheet, something that’s quite odd to him; he doesn’t recall climbing into bed. He groans, squinting, and noticing his apparent lack of spectacles. In attempting to sit up Logan feels a pair of hands pressing him back into pillows.

“Easy there, hot stuff,” Remus. Why is Logan in bed with an ache deep in his bones, and why is Remus here? "Emphasis on the hot because you’re burning up.”

Remus, in what Logan can only assume is a moment of incredible generosity, hands him his glasses. Logan slides them over his face, looking down at his clothes to see he is not, in fact, in his normal attire but rather a pair of outer space-themed pajamas. And when he glances at Remus there isn’t the usual manic look in his eyes, but rather one he’d nearly dare to call concern.

“What happened? What’s – what’s going on?” Logan can’t ignore the rawness in his throat that burns when he speaks.

“You and I were having a conversation about the best way to kill a man without getting caught,” Remus explains casually. Yes, Logan seems to remember that to some extent. They had rattled off the ideas of poisoning as well as the many ways one can frame a murder to appear accidental, “And then you just plopped onto the floor like all of your bones had turned to jelly! When I touched your head I realized you were burning hot and in your fatigue, I guess you passed out cold. Y’know, teach, for someone who argues the importance of wellness as much as you do, you really aren’t practicing what you preach. When was the last time you slept? Or put some food in you?”

Logan had never thought that Remus of all people would be in a position to scold him about his life choices, and yet here he is.

“I – well, I suppose I’m not –.” Remus cocks an eyebrow.

“you’re not sure? Yeah, that’s what I thought. Here, drink some water,” Remus says, handing him a glass, “God, Roman goes on and on about your “extremist water agenda” meanwhile you’re dehydrated as fuck.” Logan drains the glass quickly, bearing the heavy weight of Remus’s stare. As Logan attempts to untangle himself from the bedsheets Remus’s hand settles on his shoulder, pinning him in place.

“Remus –.”

“Not so fast, nerdy wolverine,” Remus says in what could almost be constituted as a scolding tone, “You’ve worked yourself into sickness and now you’re paying the price. Imagine if you’d collapsed in front of one of the others? Pattycake, for example, well he would’ve flipped his lid, I’m sure. Or my brother, for instance, might’ve tried to “rescue you” into recovery. But me, not so much.” Logan lays back down, feeling fairly defeated though he’s rather distracted by the throbbing in his head.

“And you’re the no-nonsense type?” It seems even in sickness, Logan’s dry-wit hasn’t left him. What a miracle.

“Oh, I’m all for nonsense,” Remus says with a gleeful smile before turning back to Logan, “And as much fun as it would be for Thomas to be without his logic for a while – which, believe me, I considered – I’m sure the others would have my head. Oh, isn’t that delightful to think about? My head on a spike oozing blood? And – and my tongue would be sticking out of my tongue like this,” Remus imitates, his tongue growing several inches longer and hanging limp against his chin. “But seriously, knock that shit off. You can’t just go passing out in front of people, you of all sides should be taking your health into consideration.”

“And that’s why you put me to bed?” Logan asks, eyeing Remus as carefully as he can despite the splotches of color that cloud his vision, “Because you were concerned about how the others would react to me being unwell?” For a moment Remus looks almost as flushed as Logan is, which the logical side finds rather odd. Remus isn’t one to become easily embarrassed; sometimes Logan wonders if it’s even capable for him to become as such.

“Think of it as me paying back a favor. I mean, you’ve helped me out too many times to count. Remember when you took that arrow out of my eye?” Remus asks with a laugh, “Ah, good times.”

“And that’s the only reason you’ve decided to help me and uh, dress me?” Logan asks, glancing back down at his clothes that he doesn’t recall changing into.

“Well, dressing you isn’t very hard at all,” Remus says, snapping his fingers and suddenly losing every stitch of clothing. Logan covers his eyes as though it’s anything he hasn’t seen before. “See, undressed,” Remus snaps again, “dressed! Undressed, dressed. Oh, stop covering your eyes, dork, you and I both know this isn’t the first time you’ve seen my dick.”

That’s the thing. If you’d have told Logan he and Remus would someday be sleeping together regularly, he would’ve thought such a thing was preposterous. In fact, even friendship between them was something he hadn’t considered in the cards. And even so, before he understood what was going on he and Remus were cultivating a relationship.

Logan hadn’t thought it at first, but as it turns out, Remus is a very good listener. Yes, he tends to drift from topic to topic on a whim, but Logan’s come to not mind that much at all. He indulges in Logan’s rants about outer space, the depths of the ocean, and the secrets that hide beneath the briny deep, the most peculiar flora and fauna that exist on the planet as well as so many other topics. He does more than put up with Logan’s interests, he encourages them. It’s refreshing, the conversations that he and Remus have.

Remus brings out something strange in Logan, an impulsion he wasn’t aware he was even capable of. Remus is crude and reckless and all over the place, but Logan’s become endeared to him in more ways he’d ever imagined possible. It was out of this impulsion that Remus prompts in him so that Logan kissed the intrusive side several months ago. In the past, he’d never dare to do something so messy and feelings-y, but after spending as much time as he had with Remus as well as the emotions surrounding him, for one of the first times in his existence Logan allowed himself to let loose.

Their relationship was initially driven by lust, but it took very little time for things to deepen. It had been one thing for Logan to enjoy spending time with Remus, but now he looked forward to it every chance he got, his face betraying his stoic nature in a smile every time Remus entered the room. Before long, Remus was using the word boyfriend and Logan was accepting it.

The thought that he’s worried his partner, even in the state of near delusion he’s in, crosses his mind.

“M’ sorry for worrying you,” Logan says, his voice slurring slightly as though he’s intoxicated. Remus sighs, kneeling beside Logan and pushing aside his bangs that are plastered with sweat to his forehead. Remus has only ever seen Logan so disheveled during sex, and he’s certainly never seen him so weak.

“Who says I was worried?” Remus asks as though his tone of voice hasn’t already betrayed it, “Okay, fine. Maybe I was a little worried, fucking sue me.”

“You’re taking care of me,” Logan notes dizzily, leaning into Remus’s touch as he runs a hand through his messy hair, “That’s nice.”

“Shit, Lo, you’re loopier than I thought,” Remus musses, seeing the far-off look in his boyfriend’s eyes, “How’s your head?”

“It hurts.” Remus is fairly sure this is the first time he’s ever heard logic whine, and he’d be a damn liar if he said it isn’t kind of adorable.

“Okay, okay, I’ll get you some medicine,” Remus says, getting up to leave before feeling Logan’s clammy hand clamp down on his wrist.

“Logan?”

“Don’t leave,” Logan’s voice comes out weak and sad, “Please don’t leave.” It’s almost too much to handle, the sentimentality to Logan’s words as well as the almost juvenile desire for him to stay by his side as if something horrible will become of him if Remus leaves. There’s no way Logan’s going to believe any of this transpired once his head is clear again. Remus really should be filming this.

“Aw, Lolo, stop being so cute for a second, okay? I need to go get you some medicine and something to eat.”

“I’m not cute,” Logan pouts, “I’m serious, remember? Necktie…” Remus chuckles.

“Strange, I don’t see a tie on you at the moment.” Logan huffs. “Just stay there for a second, okay? I’ll get you some medicine, it’ll make you feel better.” Remus can’t recall the last time he acted so civilly. “Taking care” of others really isn’t his thing, destruction and utter chaos is. If any of the others were ill, he doesn’t think he’d be acting the way he is, so put together and fucking caring, it almost makes him sick to think about. But Logan isn’t anybody else, he’s his boyfriend who’s overworked himself to the point of delusion and maybe he’s being a tad bit protective, but the idea of someone else taking care of Logan leaves a sour taste in his mouth. Just because he’s Remus doesn’t mean he’s any less capable of doing so, or at least that’s what he’s telling himself.

Remus comes back with the medicine and has to spend several minutes convincing Logan to take it; who knew he was such a bad patient? He sits with him a while listening to Logan spout almost as much nonsense that Remus usually does before Logan drifts off again.

“Don’t worry,” Remus whispers, pressing a kiss to Logan’s temple, “I’ll take care of you, dork.”

It’s a stupidly heartfelt thing to say, especially when Logan is clearly asleep, but it just seems to slip out. Remus slinks out of the room as quietly as he can, shutting the door behind him gently rather than slamming it like he usually does before wandering into the kitchen.

Remus is surprised to find Patton humming tunelessly as he stirs a pot of soup.

“Oh! Hiya Remus,” Patton says when he catches sight of him, looking a little startled in his presence. Even so, Remus has been hanging around the light sides a lot more, especially since Janus got accepted by Thomas, so Patton’s had some time to get a bit more used to him.

“Hi, Pattycake,” Remus greets, “Whatcha making? It smells good.”

“Chicken noodle soup,” he replies matter-of-factly, “It’s for Logan.” Remus quirks an eyebrow. That’s what Remus was about to attempt to make himself, but this smells homemade.

“How’d you know he was sick?”

“Oh, a dad has a way of knowing when his kiddos aren’t doing so hot,” Patton replies cryptically, “I also noticed Logan seemed a little off earlier. How’s he doing?” Remus pulls himself onto the kitchen counter, swinging his legs.

“Not fan-fucking-tastic,” Remus notes the way Patton bites his lip at that, probably about to scold him for his “potty mouth,” “I’ve told that nerd a billion gazillion times that he needs to take better care of himself. I swear he’s so wrapped up in looking after the rest of you I think he forgets about himself.” Patton hums thoughtfully.

“You really care about him, don’t you?” Remus blinks, the back and forth motion of his legs ceasing.

“Huh?” Patton smiles.

“I’ve heard the way Logan talks about you. I don’t even think he realizes how sweet he sounds when he’s saying it, about the conversations you two have and the experiments you do together. You make him awfully happy, you know that?”

Remus wants to play off the shock the statement has provoked. He wants to grin manically and talk about butts, or Jeffrey Dahmer, or anything else other than the warmth that blooms in the cavity in his chest where he believed a heart wasn’t present. But he can’t.

“Logan talks about me?” Patton laughs like Remus has just asked the most absurd question.

“Well of course he does, silly! You’re his boyfriend, aren’t ya?”

“I – uh – yeah. Yeah, I am. I didn’t know you knew that, though?” It comes out as a question. He’s never mentioned it to anyone except Janus, thinking that Logan wouldn’t want to tell the others.

“Yeah, Janus told me about it.” Remus’s jaw slackens. “Oh dear, was I not supposed to know that?”

“I mean, it’s not a secret, I guess. I’m just kind of surprised Double D would tell you.”

“Well, I’m sure I would’ve figured it out, either way, the way you two look at each other is so gosh darn cute! Janny just mentioned it in passing, really.” Remus narrows his eyes at Patton.

“Janny? There’s no way in hell Janus would let anyone call him that.” Patton flushes at that.

“You should hear the other things he lets me call him…” Remus slaps a hand over his mouth.

“Holy balls! Are you and Jan-the-man fucking?” Patton’s blush deepens as he turns the oven off and gets a bowl out of the cupboard.

“Well, looks like the soup’s ready! Better take some to Logan before it gets cold!” Remus hops off the counter with as much grace, taking the bowl from Patton’s hands and eyeing him suspiciously.

“This is not the end of this conversation,” he says, not missing the way Patton’s Adam’s apple bobs in a gulp, “I gotta admit, I’m kinda surprised you’re letting me take care of the nerd. I would think you’d jump at the chance to play nurse.” Patton shrugs.

“Well, I wouldn’t want to encroach on your time with him. I know you and I have had our disagreements,” Remus bites back to urge to say a very Roman-esque ‘UH understatement much!’, “But I also know you care a lot about Logan. And you also-also know that if anything bad ever happened to him that I would be very, very upset with you,” Patton flashes a demented smile clearly meant to intimidate Remus and he can certainly respect that. The smile fades back to his normal cheery nature as quickly as it appeared, “Now, get going and make him feel a Pat-ton better, okay kiddo?” Remus snorts at the silly name pun, taking a spoon from the drawer before taking the bowl down the hall.

“See ya around, Daddio.” Remus decides he’s going to have to kick Janus’s ass for not telling him about him and Patton. More so, though, Remus’s mind is occupied by the fact that Logan has spoken about him fondly and that Patton claimed that their affection for one another was obvious. To some extent, Remus had been under the assumption that Logan wouldn’t want to mention their relationship at all.

Remus opens the door slowly, balancing the bowl in his elbow as he finds Logan blinking awake at him. As much as he’d wanted to let Logan sleep, he isn’t sure the last time he’s had anything to eat.

“Remus?”

“I’m right here,” Remus says setting the bowl down on the bedside table and kneeling beside Logan’s bed, “I brought you some soup.” Logan squints, reaching for his glasses again and putting them back on.

“Huh?”

“Patton made you some, LoLo. Pops said he had a hunch you weren’t doing so hot. He’s a real smart cookie when it comes to taking care of you all, huh?” Logan scrunches up his face.

“I don’t want any.” Remus lets out an exasperated sigh.

“Oh come on, dorkalicious. You need to eat something, and it’ll be good for you.”

“Says the guy who regularly consumes deodorant.”

“Hey, that’s unrelated. I’m not the one who let myself get into such rough shape. Now be a good boy and eat your fucking chicken-noodle-soup.” Logan groans as Remus blows on a spoonful of soup and brings it towards Logan’s mouth. Logan sighs, opening his mouth and sighing around the spoon as he swallows a mouthful.

“Hungry, aren’t you?” Logan fails to reply, sitting up and placing the bowl in his lap. Remus watches as Logan devours the soup at record speed, draining the bowl in a few minutes. Remus chuckles, setting the bowl aside and seeing the way Logan’s eyes begin to droop again.

“You left me,” Logan pouts childishly, earning another laugh from his boyfriend.

“You fell asleep, babe,” Remus chides, “And I needed to get you something to eat. I never thought you’d be such a brat when you’re sick.” Logan sags back into the pillows as Remus pets his hair again.

“M’ not a brat,” Logan mumbles sleepily.

"Oh of course you aren’t. You’re just my difficult little shithead boyfriend. But a brat? You’d never dare be such a thing.” Logan makes a noncommittal noise before muttering something that sounds vaguely like “Come here.”

“What was that?” Logan sighs.

“Come here,” Logan repeats more clearly. “I want you to hold me.” Remus could scratch his own eyes out Logan is being so cute! His boyfriend is always so formal and presentable, which is nothing that Remus particularly minds, but this behavior is so out of character it’s kind of a lot to process. Logan seldom asks for cuddles, even when he wants them, so this direct neediness comes as a surprise.

“Fine, but only because you’re ailing,” Remus says dramatically as if he doesn’t always jump at the chance to cuddle with his boyfriend. Logan relaxes against Remus, throwing his arms around him loosely and snuggling into his shoulder. Logan’s skin is still clearly flushed, but his fever seems to be going down.

“Are you feeling any better?” Remus asks, his voice conveying more worry than he intends to express.

“A bit,” Logan mutters, “Thanks for looking after me.”

“Sure thing, dork. I mean, someone had to do it.”

“Yes, but you didn’t have to. You’re good, Rem. Really good.” Remus smiles, pressing a kiss to Logan’s cheek.

“You’re such a fucking sap when you’re delirious, it’s too cute.” Logan ignores that, his eyes fluttering closed.

“I love you, Remus.” Remus feels his heartrate spike as Logan’s grip around him tightens slightly. Remus knew that he and Logan share some very mushy, gushy feelings, but Logan loves him? Genuinely, truly loves him? For some time now he’s been trying to ignore the true depth of his feelings for Logan, not wanting to endanger a good thing, but now it looks like he doesn’t have to. Granted, Logan’s admitted these feelings in a state of delusion, but Remus doesn’t believe it to be any less true. If Patton says he sees their chemistry and Logan’s been as clingy as he has been, then he’s gonna choose to believe it.

“I love you too,” he says softly, far gentler than he’d ever imagined the admission would be – not that he really thought he’d ever get the opportunity to tell him in the first place. “I’m crazy about you, Lo.”

“Don’t let me go,” Logan says lethargically, half-asleep already, “I don’t wanna wake up to you being gone.”

“Okay, nerd,” Remus says, his heart – yes, he’s concluded that he’s got a heart somewhere in his chest, considering how soft Logan’s made him feel today – overflowing with love, “I’ll stay. I’m not going anywhere.”

“That will be satisfactory,” Logan mumbles before slipping back into unconsciousness.

Remus lies awake in Logan’s arms, thinking of how not long-ago Logan had considered himself completely emotionless and he had thought of himself as void of the capability for affection or love. Remus has never been so glad to be proven wrong.

=+=

#intrulogical #romantic intrulogical #sickfic #Logan sanders #remus sanders #patton sanders #background moceit #(mentioned) moceit #sickfic fluff #delirious logan #sick logan #love confession #love confession while sick #Remus takes care of Logan and manages to do a good job #wow what a concept #fluff #remus the duke sanders #the duke #sanders sides #sanders sides oneshot #sammy writes #my writing #exhaustedfander writes #exhaustedfander

[ardenttheories]

Gamzee is also an ableist stereotype in addition to an antiblack one, specifically against people with psychosis. During Murderstuck he (at least initially) seemed to be experiencing hallucinations and religious delusions, and a number of characters describe him as psychotic, schizophrenic, lunatic, etc. Even though the voices he was hearing turned out to be coming from a possessed puppet, the writing still leaned into tropes that demonize mentally ill people

Another anon asked: The whole situation with Gamzee has me turning sour because he was a genuinely good person before he went sober and that’s... not how addicts act when they’re off something. Considering sopor has been confirmed to be dangerous I would even go so far as to say he would have been better if he was just left to process his addiction and rehabilitate normally but no. Make the sweet guy who cares for his friends an absolute monster. Thanks Hussie

The combination of these two points is, frankly, what makes me furious about Gamzee’s treatment in both Homestuck and Homestuck 2.

Gamzee is heavily coded to suffer from psychosis. My boyfriend has it; a lot of the things Gamzee goes through (the religious delusions, the paranoia, the violent thoughts and actions, the severe hallucinations) are things I’ve seen in my real-life partner. They’re things that happen specifically when he’s off his meds, when he’s at his least stable - and they’re things that genuinely harm him if I can’t help him or make him take his meds at a more regular time again. 

It’s a real-life fact of psychosis. It’s not inherently bad to show a character suffering from these things, because in truth, that’s just showing how badly psychosis can affect a person - how scary it is to suffer from it when you’re the one seeing the hallucinations and the delusions, when you have that never-ending paranoia and nobody else does. When my partner goes through psychotic episodes, I am more scared for his safety than anything else - and that’s what, honestly, should be seen more in the representation of psychosis. 

Instead? Hussie plays Gamzee into every fucking horror trope known to man. He becomes a violent, volatile murderer who acts without care for the people around him, who is terrifying and vicious and snaps only when he’s been off of his self-medication for a signifcant period of time, but specifically when there’s a trigger (so it seems “out of the blue” and unprovoked, which isn’t actually what happens with psychosis but hypes up that terror). It’s the perpetuation of the idea that psychosis is a scary mental illness that breeds murderers and that medication only “soothes the beast”, which is frankly disgusting. Especially when Gamzee’s first act after snapping is the methodical hunting of each of his friends. 

It’s this reminder that people with psychosis “cannot be trusted”, even when medicated, because it’s only a slip-up that you’ll never see coming away from slaughter. 

You know the worst thing my boyfriend has done while off his meds? Harmed himself. Taken drugs and drink and self harmed while I was sleeping and had no way of stopping him. His first instinct is to hurt himself. Not other people. Not to go hunting for victims. Even at his most volatile, with the worst intrusive thoughts of violence in his mind, he only ever hurts himself. 

And this is what I hate the most about Gamzee’s situation. It’s just a perpetuation that harms people with psychosis, who already struggle with getting help and not being abused in institutions. It paints every good thing he’s ever done as some lie that hides the face of murder, when that’s just not how the mental illness works. Psychosis isn’t the “true face” of the person; the person they are while on medication is who they are. 

That doesn’t even get into the whole concept of demonic possession that is often tied to mental illness in horror flicks. Or how often (historically) in religion “genuine mental illness” is subjected to psychological torture because people assume it’s demonic influence. 

Yet, at the same time, he’s the perpetuation of every violent drug addict stereotype we’ve ever seen. Getting someone off of their addiction doesn’t inherently turn them into violatile murderers, but it sure is something media likes to portray - and, again, facilitiates this idea that the medicated self isn’t the “true” self, but rather “how the medication affects you”. As if that’s some sort of lie? As if dear, sweet Gamzee was never real, and everything he does after going off of drugs is what he’s always been. 

It’s not only just completely wrong to real life situations - considering drug addiction is incredibly detrimental to the person and withdrawal is often one of the hardest things a person can go through, as well as an ongoing experience that sometimes takes years of dedication to achieve - but also just feeds in further to the anti-black stereotype (of black men becoming more volatile when denied their addictions). 

It also just never goes into Gamzee’s withdrawal at all? Which is part of the inherent problem in Gamzee becoming a villain in the later Acts. You’d think, once he’s been forced to go cold turkey for that long and incapable of lapsing back into addiction, that he’d slowly start a very troubled road to recovery that brings back the sweet boy we saw in Act 5. But no. That boy never comes back. He gets off the sopor, and it’s this slow burn to continuous violence to enforce the idea that the initial view we got of Gamzee wasn’t real. 

It’s why it’s so easy for people to hate Gamzee and to deny that any of his actions in Act 5 had any validity or weren’t just a facade. It plays into every negative stereotype and fear people have of psychosis and drug addicts wholeheartedly; it’s why Gamzee even works at a “villain” at all. He has these traits that people see as inherently villainous, and it’s hard to connect that with the kid who refused to adhere to the hemospectrum and showed genuine concern and care for his friends when we first saw him. It’s easier to ignore these inconsistencies than to question and criticise them - and to wonder if part of our fear/hatred of him is saturated in internalised abelism or racism. 

#long post// #ardenttheories #homestuck critical #character analysis #Anonymous

[nellied-reviews]

Cigarette Candy Re-listen

Okay, it’s episode 5 of my epic Wolf 359 re-listen, and that can only mean one thing: 

Cigarette Candy

In which Eiffel is ill, Minkowski and Hera are out of the picture and I have way too many thoughts about how Hilbert is totally not making Eiffel sick. Nuh-uh.

Where do I even begin with this episode?

Maybe I'll start with the obvious: Cigarette Candy is a very different episode on a re-listen. It was a sinister, tense episode to begin with, sure. But knowing that Hilbert really has been making Eiffel sick adds a whole layer of uncertainty, for me at least.

Because what is the point? Largely, I think it's an episode about whether or not Hilbert can be trusted. We heard last episode, after all, that the good doctor was  willing to leave Eiffel to die in space. It's natural that we might now wonder where his loyalties lie. And so we get this, an episode that teases us with the idea that Hilbert might, in fact, be a bad guy. And of course, the answer we are left with, at the end of the episode, is that no, Hilbert’s creepy and weird and a million kinds of unethical, but ultimately he is one of the good guys.

It's a brilliant misdirect, and it relies entirely on us misunderstanding what an evil Hilbert would look like. We, like Eiffel, assume that Hilbert, if he were actually evil, would be the archetypical mad scientist. And mad scientists aren't generally subtle. They certainly don't do regular things like help Communications Officers overcome the flu. And so we assume, since Hilbert isn't cartoonish in his villainy, and does, ultimately, help Eiffel, that he mustn't be a villain at all. We're wrong, of course. The episode doesn't give that away, though. 

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Because as Cigarette Candy starts, it's not immediately clear that that's where this is all going. Instead, we tune in to a weirdly happy Eiffel, who claims he's trying a new, more optimistic approach to life. It's odd, and doesn't exactly bode well, especially with the occasional, gross coughing that Eiffel insists is no big deal. But it still feels like a light-hearted, comedy set-up. And hey, at least Hilbert seems to be doing something helpful, this time, right?

Of course, it's worth mentioning that Hilbert's "help" involves the titular cigarette candy, which are what Eiffel calls his nicotine lozenges. These, we quickly learn, are the reason for Eiffel's new, sunny outlook on life. They're sugary, they're soothing and - oh, yeah - they taste like "day-old ashtray". Which... eww!  But apparently Eiffel prefers that to the default cinnamon? Enough that he's consuming them in unwise quantities? I don't know, it certainly wouldn't be my choice. But you do you, Eiffel.

In any case, it leaves us in this weird situation where Hilbert is actually in Eiffel's good books, which is fun to listen to, until the doctor suddenly lets slip that hey, Eiffel, it's strange how you aren't experiencing any myalgia... yet.

It's super unsubtle, and part of me really wants to believe that Hilbert did it on purpose, just to troll Eiffel. "English such inelegant cudgel of a language", my ass. I see you there, Doc.

Funny as it is, though, it also marks the point at which the episode takes a sharp U-turn into psychological and medical horror, as Eiffel slowly begins to suspect that Hilbert has been poisoning him. Things only get worse when Eiffel faints and is taken to sickbay, and when Hilbert admits that he's not really a proper doctor, bound by all of those pesky ethics, it's downright chilling.

One phrase in particular, I think, tells us everything we need to know about Alexander Hilbert's motivations: "Always saw Hippocratic Oath as leaving one with a very limited scope. True science mustn't be so severely hindered." Hilbert, in the end, is all about the science, and he'll break the rules to get results, if needs be. It's a single-minded, pragmatic focus that we’ll see from the doctor over and over again as the show wears on. Here, then, although we don't know it yet, we're actually getting our first proper insight into what makes Dr. Hilbert tick. Pretty neat.

That said, on a first listen-through, before we learn about Decima, it just sounds like your standard mad scientist rant. It's followed up by some more mad scientist antics too, as Hilbert confines Eiffel to sickbay, ties him up and claims total authority over Eiffel's schedule, cutting him off completely from Hera and Minkowski. It's textbook nefarious, and so it sets Hilbert up perfectly as a properly sinister, if slightly cliché villain.

Of course, it's also just about plausible. We can just about see how confining Eiffel might help him get better soon, and we can just about see that he's not fit to be working, and we can just about see how a lack of distractions might be helpful. Add Eiffel's potential delusions into the mix, and we can see how the whole business could just be a misunderstanding, a product of Eiffel's fever and Hilbert’s lack of people skills. We can't 100% write the doctor off as a villain - and so the episode manages to maintain the tension, all the way through the back end of the episode. Is Hilbert really as evil as he seems? Or is Eiffel imagining it all? 

It's at this point that the first season's log format works in our favour, because if we're only hearing the personal logs of Douglas Eiffel, we're only getting the story from one very limited, potentially delusional point of view. We aren't getting Minkowski or Hera's more balanced perspectives, and so the suspense is preserved - is Hilbert trustworthy? We can't know. It's the sort of thing the show won't be able to do as easily in later seasons, at least not without finding a plot-related reason to side-line the other, more objective characters. Here, though, the nature of Eiffel's logs creates a more claustrophobic, tense bottle episode, where we can never quite be sure what's going on.

The absence of Hera and Minkowski is also ominous in and of itself. The pause after Eiffel calls out to Hera and she doesn't answer, in particular, is really eerie, at least for me. I don't know, I guess I'm just used to Hera being there?  It certainly cranks up the tension, especially when Hilbert foils Eiffel's attempt to contact Minkowski, and even more so when he reveals that he also knows that Eiffel hasn't been taking his drugs - that's why he's been giving him them intravenously.

And look, I know we've said that Hilbert isn't bound by the Hippocratic Oath. Being shady and unethical's kind of his thing. But can we just stop and appreciate just how messed up it is to drug Eiffel like this? It's not even like it's the first time this has happened, either. Remember the halothane gas? What we're seeing, in that light, looks more like an emerging pattern - a pattern of incidents where people are messed with, physically or psychologically, without their consent.

It's something we'll see again and again, throughout Wolf 359, and more often that not, it's linked less to individuals like Hilbert, and more to Goddard Futuristics, and their general ethos of dehumanising callousness. Hilbert is possibly evil, sure. But he's backed up by a whole, sucky-ass corporation, who have created an environment where consent - and all of the respect for human dignity and life that that implies - is not encouraged or valued. It's a gross, corporate attitude that is linked directly to moments like this, where Eiffel can be drugged and held captive against his will precisely because Hilbert knows there will be no official consequences for it. Goddard Futuristics do not care about human minds or bodies. They just care about the profits. It's not the same thing that drives Hilbert, as a character. But it aligns with his goals. Hilbert wants answers. Goddard wants money. Neither care much for actual humans.

That's actually one of the most frightening things about this episode - that, and the recording that Eiffel makes for Minkowski, urging her not to trust Hilbert once he's dead, which is funny, in a dark sort of way, until you think about Lovelace's old crew, and how Dr. Hilbert - sorry, Dr. Selberg - picked them off, one by one. That's essentially the exact same scenario that Eiffel's imagining here, when he worries about Hilbert going after Minkowski next, so perhaps he's not too far off the mark. Yikes.

Still, all is well in the end, as Hilbert reveals that Eiffel is cured! The knife was only for cutting Eiffel's restraints - way to not terrify your patient, doc! - and now Eiffel is cleared for duty, effective immediately. Phew!

It's a relief, for Eiffel and for us, and it's very easy to just see it as a heart-warming ending. The mad scientist turns out to be a good guy after all, Eiffel learns a lesson about judging people, and everyone goes back to their routine. Crisis averted. The episode asks, "Can Hilbert be trusted?" The ending tells us that he can. Case closed.

Only it's not that simple, is it? For one, Hilbert admits that Eiffel was infected with a tropical flu from his lab; knowing how much we now know, how likely is it that that "tropical flu" was actually Decima, or somehow Decima-related? In this respect, Hilbert's trustworthiness is actually far from established.

Secondly, though, and perhaps more interestingly, there's also the idea that Hilbert might have genuinely cured Eiffel, but might still be up to no good. A dead Eiffel, after all, means no more Decima research, and that would be a disaster for Hilbert. Keeping the crew alive and healthy is in Hilbert's best interests, and so, to a degree, he is actually trustworthy, or at least reliable. In fact, Hilbert is probably one of the most reliable characters in the series, if only because he can always be trusted to protect his own interests. Unlike the others, whose goals sometimes shift, and whose actions are often determined by their emotions or their underlying characters, Hilbert almost never acts in such a way as to compromise his goals and his work. His focus is single-minded, and it makes him very, very reliable - trustworthy, almost. But good? Ethical? Not so much. It's at best a parody of integrity, a twisted, brutal code that doesn’t care much for other people.

The story, I think, is more interesting for it. Instead of a story about how Hilbert secretly has a heart of gold, we get a more unsettling story about how Hilbert can be relied on, but only to a certain extent. Instead of a story about a good person being good, it's the story of a bad person doing good - and that is infinitely more compelling.

And of course, all this is only really obvious in hindsight. Listening to it blind, we get an episode that is funny, tense and just about the right kind of creepy. It's simultaneously the darkest thing the show has done so far, an excellent black-humour-filled bottle episode and (almost) a heart-warming tale. To have that and all the bonus, retrospective Hilbert characterisation?

*shakes my head*

This episode, man.

 Miscellaneous thoughts:

 I said already but cigarette candy sounds so gross!

Zach Valenti does such a good job of sounding properly, horribly ill throughout this whole episode

"Officer Eiffel, you look terrible." Aww, no need to sugar-coat it, doc!

"You're not making me sick, are you?" "What possible reason could there be for doing that?"  *whistles innocently*

Ugh when Hilbert says "Good night!" like that :O

Heh, the ticking clock in the background when Hilbert gets the kife out is a nice little touch

"Bedside manner is like anaesthetic. It just gets in way of what needs to be done."

#wolf 359 #wolf359 #w359 #wolf 359 relisten #cigarette candy #nellied reviews #so many thoughts about Alexander Hilbert #too many thoughts about Alexander Hilbert #but at least I posted them on the right blog this time

[animeyanderelover]

Howdy! You probably wondering why I keep bothering you. Never the less. Thank you for all of your work, they are really good and i can't get enough. Like a mortal stealing the nectar of the gods. I ask for more and more. I don't have a prompt for you but I really like the 'from another world' posts. So I was wondering if this begger could ask for that with the ladies of the Phantom Troupe? Again thank you for everything.

You’re welcome in here. Since you always asked so far for a female s/o I went with that in here as well.

Tw: Yandere themes, unhealthy mindset, unhealthy relationship, possessiveness, obsessiveness, delusions, manipulation

Reader from modern world gets transported into their world

Looking good, aren’t we😏?

💘🪡🧠It should come to no one’s surprise that you felt the most comfortable around the ladies of the Phantom Troupe after one day suddenly getting caught up in some of their business. If it wouldn’t have been for your phone in which you had millions of pictures saved about them all you would have for sure gotten a one way ticket to hell. You didn’t lie, it was confirmed after Pakunoda read your mind, her eyes widening slightly in surprise when seeing that you spoke the truth.

💘🪡🧠Chrollo was fascinated from this. How was your world? Was it any different from theirs? What were humans like? There was a long questioning session. And after he had squeezed every information he wanted to know out of you? He decided you would stay with them. Some of the members were against this. You were danger, knew too much about their abilities. If someone would find you and the informations you had then this could mean serious trouble. But it was their boss who told them this, supported by Paku who thought that since you were from another world they should let you live. You would probably get transported back on your own.

💘🪡🧠You were put under the ladies care since you were a woman yourself and didn’t feel very comfortable around the men from the troupe. Whilst Machi looked more annoyed by this, Shizuku and Pakunoda were more nice to you. It was after all their boss’s command that they should take care of you. Pakunoda also could understand that it must have been a bit much to suddenly stumble in this world during one of their bloody businesses. No wonder you were still shaken up. In your world Nen and all the abilities coming with it weren’t even existing. So being near it’s malicious presence must have been torture for you.

💘🪡🧠Life with them wasn’t all that bad like you might have had expected to be. Because despite the fact that they were criminals they were, when not needing to kill someone, really nice and friendly. They had a lot of free time and Paku decided to use this time to show you a bit more of this world. There were some similarities between your and their world. But there were also huge differences. So the time they weren’t required for the troupe was used to introduce you to specific places, animals, technique and much more.

💘🪡🧠Not to mention that they were all super nice to be with. Shizuku was a cute one, always asking you questions about your world only to forget them later on and asking you them again. The same counted for when you were asking her something. She sometimes forgot what she was talking about whilst being in the middle of it and needed to begin from the start. You found it somewhat adorable. Not only that, but Shizuku spent a lot of time with you, you being pretty much the only person besides the troupe Shizuku had ever spent so much time with. Machi was at the beginning a little challenge and you just thought of her as a bit rude. She didn’t talk much and if she did, she always sounded annoyed. But the longer time you spent with her, the more you started to pick up the signs that she somewhat had started to like you and just showed it in her own way. Whenever you got yourself hurt she was quick to sew it, despite spiting harsh words out. Whenever she noticed that you looked at something confused because you didn’t know what it was she explained it to you and was open for every question you had. Pakunoda was the one who was, besides Shizuku, the one who showed the most care. She was like a mother, having patience with you and your questions like with a toddler. She was the most empathetic and whenever you missed your home or were overwhelmed with being transported into their world she was the perfect woman to comfort you.

💘🪡🧠Shizuku was the first one who became obsessed. The borderlines of her feelings just began to blur and without even realizing it herself she became infatuated with you. Suddenly she started remembering the things you told her like your birthday, favorite color and much more. And that’s what helped her realizing her feelings. If she could remember that stuff about you, that must mean that you’re important to her, right? And since she spended so much time with you and you had never seen to be annoyed by this she started thinking that you must like her too.

💘🪡🧠Machi was, to her own surprise, the next one who feel in love. No lie, at first she didn’t want to take care of you, feeling annoyed that she needed to babysit a grown up. But the thing with Machi is that if you force her to spend time with someone and this someone isn’t a complete idiot in her eyes, after proving it to her, that her annoyance will turn into something that comes similar to a liking. And this liking of hers turned overtime into something more twisted. She was aware of that and tried at first to avoid this by being more mean to you. But she didn’t success due to Shizuku and Pakunoda having a word with her about her behavior towards you. So it was somewhat their fault that she became obsessed.

💘🪡🧠Pakunoda was the last one to fall for you. She had always been like a mother for you since day number one and wanted to make sure that you were always safe and not upset about not being with our family. She saw herself as responsible for you and that was what kept her from starting to love you in a more romantic way in the first place. But she was aware of the other two having become somewhat crazy over you. With her abilities it was a piece of cake to find that out. And she was a bit surprised by this. With Shizuku it was easier to understand. But her hugest surprise came because Machi loved you. That made her on the one hand keeping a closer eye on them around you. On the other hand she also started spending even more time into observing you because she was curious about what had made them become like this. And this turned out to be a mistake. She knew the thoughts of the two of them, giving her a new perspective on you, ways of seeing you she hadn’t seen you before. It was a slow fall which she watched with growing worry, but she never was able to see you in the complete way before like she had used too. Macht’s and Shizuku’s thoughts never left her mind.

💘🪡🧠Pakunoda knew already of Machi’s and Shizuku’s feelings thanks to her abilities. Machi was he second one to notice. Shizuku would have probably never noticed if Pakunoda hadn’t thought that they needed to discuss this new situation. She didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable by finding out that all three were in love with you and was also a bit worried that this would lead to problems later on. Do she saw the need to talk to the three to come up with a solution. Shizuku was confused and surprised at finding this out, being the only one who hadn’t known and she forgot it at first quite a few times, not wanting to accept the fact that the other two had the same feelings for you like she had.

💘🪡🧠They weren’t angry or necessarily violent, but at the beginning they weren’t happy either. Not only had they all fallen for you, but they also knew that this could mean troubles. If someone would find out what value you held to all three of them they would not only bring you, but also the troupe in trouble. Not to mention that this might affect their use for the troupe. But letting you go wasn’t an option either. There was a long discussion over how to handle this issue and in the end following agreement was made. Since all of them were loyal to Chrollo they didn’t want to start affecting their teamwork because all of them were in love with the same person. So the only option was sharing you. What other choice did they have?

💘🪡🧠Pakunoda and Machi were honest to tell Chrollo and the troupe about this. Some gave them a quirked eyebrow when hearing this whilst Chrollo found it to some degree amusing. Who would have thought that a world traveler would have such an effect on his members? He allowed it, most likely he was curious about how this would turn out. But he also said clearly that if this should affect their work for him negatively he wouldn’t hesitate to do something against it.

💘🪡🧠This is like the perfect mix out of everything. You have Shizuku, who’s a sweetheart and very affectionate, but sometimes a bit too suffocating with her presence. Then you have Machi, who respects private space and goes more with quality time, but is sometimes a bit too distant and cold with you. And we have Paku who watches over all of you and makes sure that Shizuku gives you space when needed and watches over Machi to make sure that she isn’t too harsh with her choice of words. Paku herself is always there to listen for you and give you comfort and advices if needed.

💘🪡🧠Due to their loyalty to Chrollo and the troupe I don’t think that they would ever think about leaving their world and live in yours. But they also have a lot of free time so I can see those three as the types to, if they find a way to travel forth and back between the two worlds, make it somewhat out as a small vacation to travel from time to time to your world and take their time to relax with you. It would be in a sense somewhat delightful for them to know that your world isn’t all that dangerous like theirs and that they aren’t criminals in your world. They might even let you see your family again, but only after coming up with a good excuse to why you were that long gone and why you’ll be long gone for the rest of your life. They would kind of switch living between your and their world. When they have to do business they’ll travel with you back to their world and when they don’t have anything else to do they will go back to your world to just enjoy life. Who knows, if Chrollo finds out he would most likely want to see your world too. So there’s a chance that they’ll bring the one or another time the whole troupe over. But only after guaranteeing that no one will do something that might lead to your world finding out about them or their world.

#yandere hunter x hunter #yandere hxh #yandere pakunoda #yandere machi #yandere machi komacine #yandere shizuku #yandere shizuku murasaki

[scattered-irises]

LONG AWAITED CONCLUSION TO THAT ZEXAL PHILOSOPHICAL CHAT I POSTED A YEAR (or two) AGO

Part i

Basically, the theory is: Tron is a figment of the Arclights’ imagination and it’s actually just Byron going around messing everything up. Tron is a symbol of the corruption of the Arclights. 

****

And so, I pose you this question, Phosphorous. What if Tron never existed and was just a metaphorical representation for Byron's hatred and anger? What if the Barian World hadn't done anything to him and instead, just made him an angrier old man? So instead of this creepy, laughing child, we have this creepy man who goes around ruining people's lives for the sake of his revenge. 

The child is just something the Arclight brothers made up because they couldn't stand the fact that their father had become like that. But that was why they still followed him. Because he was still their father.

I see your point there. It has plausibility, muses Phosphorous. 

The reason why Tron erased their old names was because it was a way for all of them to disassociate their current selves with their past selves. They have changed too much to be considered Byron, Christopher, Thomas and Michael anymore. Christopher has turned extremely cold and calculating compared to his happier, gentle brother attitude when he was younger.

And Thomas...the poor child. He used to be a happy boy that teased his younger sibling but as IV, he masks himself as a happy celebrity loved by all in the world and underneath that mask is a sadistic monster and underneath that mask is a son that just desperately wants his father back and will do anything to get it and underneath that mask is a lonely young man who wishes to be understood.

Arguably, Michael is the one who remains closest to his original self. He's still the beloved younger brother and like when they were younger, still has a close relationship with Thomas. But he's cracked beneath his placid smile and gentle nature. When angered, he lashes out terribly and like Thomas, will do anything, even murder, to achieve his family's goals.

And so, one could argue that Tron is basically just an overall representation that their family has changed for the worse.

“How much autonomy do the brothers have? and how do they relate to others as they attempt to fulfill their families goals?” poses Phosphorous.

  Ah, ah. An insightful query, my friend. They are pretty much never seen doing things of their own free will. Even when it seems like they are enjoying themselves (I.E III sneaking into Yuma's house to eat lunch and meet him. It actually was just a scouting mission on his family's next target), their actions are meant to serve ulterior motives. In the end, all of the things they do is in the name of serving the family. 

A somewhat random note, Christopher looks at Thomas with contempt. They're basically polar opposites (But not really. Once Christopher gets emotional, he's just as broken and destructive as Thomas). 

Thomas has a grudging respect for Christopher because a part of him still recognizes him as his older brother. 

Christopher seems to care a bit more for Michael, but when Michael was being tortured, he watched the scene at the insistence of Tron. At the end of it though, he turns away, hinting at a bit of a conscience. 

It's Thomas and Michael that are more of a sibling relationship. This is most likely because they have spent all of their lives together while Christopher had been absent for 5 years from their lives. He was gone when Thomas was 12 all the way to when he turned 17 and Michael was 10 and is now 15

Thomas genuinely cares for Michael, going as far as to shout at Tron for treating his brother like that. Christopher immediately silences him. 

Michael also returns that gesture, although less because he ended up falling into a coma before we could see more. 

“Yet all three are, at least at times, willing participants in Tron's schemes?”

Yes, my fellow thinker. Christopher is the most loyal one. He never questions Tron’s orders. Michael will go with his father in hopes that he will get his family back. He is Tron's favorite because he is a "gentle and obedient child." I find it quite sad how, although Christopher is the most loyal one to the cause, he isn’t the favorite. I suppose it is also because I am the eldest of three, yet am not as favored as the youngest. 

“The youngest seems to be favored most of the time,” muses Phosphorous as they look out at the tumultuous Barian sea. 

It's Thomas that sometimes goes out of line. He's the strongest of the brothers, but Tron is always saying that he is the weakest. It is most likely the fear of Thomas realizing that he's actually powerful and could turn on Tron. Hence, that is why Tron says he trusts no one.

Phosphorous stands, overlooking the gloomy landscape of crystals. 

“So each and every one is then beholden to this idea of what? A happy family? Or just something different than their current state of affairs? Do all the brothers truly share this idea of a return to a happy family? Or do they don't even know that that looks like and just want something to change?”

In short:

Tron: Kill my murderers and I'll become your happy ol' dad again and we can go back to England and do happy British people stuff

Sons: Uh sure okay

Personally, I think they all know to an extent that they're deluding themselves

They're just ambling down this path of lies because the brothers are desperate to have a place to belong to after being separated for so long

But you might have a point that they might not even know what a truly happy family is anymore.

“So it's like they're chasing something that doesn't exist then?”

Exactly. Much like the couple that was running to the end of the rainbow. They are chasing a boat that has already long passed by. After all of the things Tron did to them, I'm sure they all know that they will never be "normal" and "happy" again.

“So under your theory, Tron doesn't truly exist, or at least is highly metaphorical, which makes all of their struggles self-inflicted and their delusions even more deep.”

Quite perceptive of you. Tron does exist, but he's basically Byron but meaner. They merely use the child with the ruined face to cover up the fact that their father has turned into a monster.

"Hey so dad's gone nuts but let's pretend it's a weird little boy who's nuts so it takes a bit of the pain away."

“Ah, so then they could say "Tron" instead of ‘Father.’”

Yes, exactly. They almost never address Tron as father. They only talk of their father in the past tense.

“But then,” proposes Phosphorous, dramatically turning back to me. “Why would they care so much for the new names they received? Or do they not care for them?”

Those names have become a part of their identities. They use it to cope with the fact that they've all gone south personality-wise. Thomas even uses IV as his celebrity name, perhaps as a sign that he does not recognize his celebrity persona as his true self.

Phosphorous takes in a deep breath, the acidic breeze rustling their toga. Their eyes meet mine own with a sharpness that I had always so admired.

  “So these new names, they're basically masks, but do they disassociate themselves from their new identities the same way they do with Tron and their Father, or do they still think of themselves as fundamentally themselves, just forced to do things they wouldn't normally do? Though I would assume each brother is affected differently by their mask,” says my friend as they begin to pace.

Ah, they still view Tron as their father (A leader) but deep down they probably don't want to put two and two together. So it's a superficial belief of "We fight for Tron (our father but let’s not think about that.)"

Either that or,

They are fighting for their Father,

 who is basically just an idea of a happy family now whilst Tron

represents a bad family.

Onto your second point, the brothers fit into their masks to different extents.

Michael doesn't seem to mind III for they appear to have the same personality, save for III's destructive tendencies.

When Christopher is reunited with his student that he abandoned and is called Christopher, he sadly smiles and says. 

"It's been a long time since someone has called me that"

And Thomas probably has an extremely difficult time taking off his mask after wearing it for so long in front of so many people

“So then do their numbered names also represent a bad family? also why do they start at three, like why not 1,2,3 instead of 3,4,5?”

I still don’t understand why it’s 3 4 5 (Nor does anyone else, for that matter.), however, their numbers are probably how Tron sees them. From his scientific background, he probably just sees his son as pieces of useful data he can use to his advantage.

“Hm, the only thing I could think of for the numbers was that Tron was somehow including him and the boys' mother in his count, like their the first two so that's why it starts at three, which is something you probably already thought about,” theorizes Phosphorous futilely.

Perhaps the numbers are used as place holders. They are not Christopher, Thomas and Michael. They are merely placeholders for when Christopher, Thomas and Michael return. When their family is whole again...

“But if the numbers are place-holders then so is the name ‘Tron,’” concludes Phosphorous.

Indeed.

“But I wonder if the brothers associate the numbers with Tron, like the numbers aren't really them, just a means to an end that will be removed when they get their father back, or if they're deluding themselves,” muses my friend.

Yes, the numbers are most likely temporary to them. Christopher is deluding himself.

He knows that he’s Christopher under V’s cold exterior. Same for Thomas and Michael. They are a family of delusions, united under the promise of a better tomorrow that will never arrive. 

  And so I thank you, for bearing with me. 

  Without ceremony, Phosphorus walks away from the crystal cliff, leaving me. I stare into the depths of the sea of ill intent and allow the sounds of the waves crashing against the crystal to overtake me. Closing my eyes, I begin to meditate. 

  Thus we conclude our bout of philosophy and ardent beard stroking. 

#zexal #analysis #zexal analysis #long post #Christopher Arclight #Michael Arclight #Thomas Arclight #Byron Arclight #Tron Zexal #Iris thinks hard

[pennywaltzy]

Back To The Beginning Of It All (4/6 - A “The Past All Over Again” Story)

So I decided to end this fic where “A Study In Pink” would end, and make it a series where each episode rewrite for the show (minus “The Abominable Bride”) would go in order, so this is a finite series of twelve stories, plus maybe an epilogue where they’re back in 2018. But @greenskyoverme and @strangelock221b and everyone else, please enjoy!

Back To The Beginning Of It All - Mycroft sent Sherlock, and Molly as well, on an assignment he thought was not much more than the delusions of a madman. It turned out to be so much more than that, as the three of them as sent back to 2010, with all the knowledge of the last eight years ahead of them...but only two of them are aware they were not meant to go back as well.  

READ CHAPTER 1 | READ CHAPTER 4 | BUY ME A COFFEE?

She made sure Sherlock ate and then he was off to meet John. It was strange going through all of this but having it be different as well, and she wasn’t sure she’d get used to it. But she knew that there was going to be another murder posited as a suicide, and she’d get the body late in the evening, and she reminded Sherlock that if he wanted to make some small changes that would work out better for all to be civil to Sally and Anderson when he was there. And also, not to steal the suitcase this time. He knew what was in it and what it meant. He reminded her the drug bust was the first time John came to his defense, and she conceded that maybe he needed to steal it again after all.

It was all going to be a royal headache, reliving all of this, she could tell.

So she went to Barts and bided her time, working on cases she remembered, doing the autopsies quickly but without error, and debating whether to open up some colder cases and look over autopsies done by other pathologists. She wasn’t surprised when Stamford made his way to her office and waited while she finished sewing up a body.

“So. You and Holmes,” he said.

“Yes,” she said with a smile. “I suppose he finally saw me for what I was and not just the supplier of body parts.”

“Are you happy?” Stamford asked.

“I am, yes,” she said with a nod. “We went out for dinner last night. It was nice.”

“He seems a bit...different. Not so abrasive, you know? It’s like he had a mid-life crisis that brought about some abrupt changes to his personality.”

She made a mental note to tell Sherlock to not get rid of all his arseholish tendencies all at once. He’d changed more than she thought either of them really realized in the eight years into the future that they lived through. “I think he’s just realized he was lonely and his behavior was putting people off.”

“Well, John seemed to like him well enough, or at least be fascinated by him. Wouldn’t be surprised if they become...friends, maybe. At least proper flatmates if nothing else.” Stamford gave her a grin. “You seem to be in a quick state of mind. I mean, when it comes to working. Or…”

“Sometimes the cause of death is rather apparent, once I dig in and do the autopsy,” she said. “You know, I was wondering…are there old autopsies I could look over, in case I get bored?”

“I’d never say no to giving you more work if you want it,” he said. “I’ll get some files for you later. Are you sure it won’t take away from your newfound personal life?”

She forgot that eight years ago she was still pining over Sherlock to the detriment of her social life until Jim from IT came along. And even that had been a brief flicker of light in a time of relationship stagnation. He’d made her uneasy, and for good reason, as she’d found out later. Knowing he could be moving into the IT position soon and making moves towards her again made her skin crawl slightly, but for now, she’d focus on the fact she had a deeper relationship with Sherlock than anyone else would fathom. Soon enough they could be more open about it. “No, I don’t think it will be a problem. If nothing else, if Sherlock gets bored, we can work on them together.”

“Bonding over dead bodies?” Stamford said with a chuckle. “You two do make an ideal couple, after all, I think. I wish you the best of luck.”

“Thank you,” Molly said.

“I’ll go get the files,” he said, letting her out of his office and leaving her alone. She went and made herself some coffee out of the large pot she kept for when she had to pull a double or come in early. Sherlock had gifted her with a Keurig coffee maker around the time he came back and they’d had their day of solving crimes together, and she missed the simplicity of only making one piping hot cup at a time. Still, the caffeine helped her think.

There were things she could do to help. Sherlock had never told her what kind of poison the taxi cab driver had been making his victims take, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t have tests standing by for when she got blood and bodily fluid samples. She knew it was murder, not suicide, and she could help prove it beyond a shadow of a doubt...just in case.

Time to get to work.

---

“Here’s the freak,” he heard Donovan say, certainly loud enough for John to hear. He was lucky in that much of the morning and afternoon had been the same for him. He remembered Molly’s words before he left about treating Donovan and Anderson with civility, even though the freak remark was jarring. It had been some time since Donovan had been hostile towards him in the future, having reconciled herself with the part she played in his “death” long before he came back and doing her part to help Lestrade clear his name. He was thankful, she was sorry...it was a good step to mend fences between them, and he’d gone on to help her in cases she worked that weren’t under Lestrade’s purview. She was a DI herself, eight years in the future.

Maybe he could help her achieve that position earlier this time, with just some tweaks to their interactions. He respected talent, and she had it. It would be a shame for it to be marred if Moriarty tried the stunt with the kidnapping and the body double again.

“Good evening, Donovan,” he said, careful not to say it through gritted teeth. The freak remark was a dig, and he should show it affected him, but the look of shock on her face at his curt politeness was almost well worth it. “This is John Watson, an acquaintance of mine. He’ll be accompanying me to the scene.”

“You brought company to a crime scene?” she asked, the usual venom lacing her voice in this time period tempered back.

Sherlock nodded. “I’ve been in need of a partner. John may work as one as well as a flatmate.”

“You’re a strange one, Holmes,” she said, shaking her head. “Gloves, booties, suit. For both of you.”

He hated the accouterments needed for a crime scene, but instead of arguing with her, he nodded. “Very well.”

“Has something...never mind,” she said, shaking her head and lifting up the crime scene tape for him.

“She looks like you grew a second head,” John remarked when they were a short distance away, getting the gear they needed.

“I’ve decided to try being polite to her. She and I haven’t had the best of relationships. My girlfriend suggested I mend it.”

“Yeah, about that. Molly, right?” Sherlock nodded. “Stamford said you were single, but the two of you seem...cozy.”

“It came as a sudden surprise,” Sherlock said, only admitting it was a partial lie. “But we’ve been on a familiar footing for a time now. I think our relationship may take a swift course, but she’ll never be underfoot at the flat. She has her own home and I may choose to spend more time there if the two of you don’t get on.” He had never considered that in this altered past John might not like Molly.

“No, it’s alright, if you don’t mind if I bring dates around.”

“You are a grown man,” Sherlock said with a faint grin. “I’ll extend the courtesy of making myself scarce when you have company.”

“And I should do the same?” John asked with a grin of his own.

“If you want to. Molly is...special. I think she’d like you as a friend.”

“Well, we’ll see how it goes,” John replied, and Sherlock almost felt like letting out a breath he didn’t realize he’d been holding. So far, so good.

They went upstairs to the crime scene. Sherlock knew what was there already; the change in his own personal life would have no effect on a murder committed before he’d had any interactions with the taxi cab driver, but he put in the effort to seem to be taking it all in as John, Lestrade and Anderson spoke. Sherlock even managed to hold his tongue when Anderson went off on his tangent about what “Rache” meant, and he had to be careful not to correct him and simply nod and tell Lestrade to tell him everything he could once he talked to the husband.

Now it came down to the suitcase. To take it, or not? If he took it, there would be the drugs bust that would have so much of NSY absolutely gleeful, but it would also lead to John coming to his defense. If he left it, he wouldn’t know anything about the contents, not that they’d mattered, but the potential for bonding would be lost.

In the end, he told Lestrade to be on the lookout for a purse of some sort and a mobile, and he set off to get the suitcase. Some things simply had to run the course, he knew. Even if it was a headache to go through it all over again, the suitcase and the drugs bust had to happen.

He just hoped it still had the desired effect.

#sherlock #sherlolly #mollock #fanfic #fanfiction #my stuff #sherlock holmes #molly hooper #mike stamford #sally donovan #john watson #multipart: back to the beginning of it all #my au: the past all over again

[chicagocityofclans]

Alyss De Silva → Katherine McNamara → Warlock

→ Basic Information 

Age: 93

Gender: Female

Sexuality: Pansexual

Powers: Transmutation (Air Transmutation)

Birthday: February 20th 

Zodiac Sign: Pisces 

Religion: Luciferianism

Mark: Weyden

Generation: 3rd 

→ Her Personality Alyss has always been that person who would rather be left alone with her art or magic than deal with other people. She tends to be overly blunt for most people, leading her to having very few close relationships, however if someone is able to get around that part of her, she can be a friend for life. She has issues believing that someone wants to be her friend due to most people not being fans of generally very erratic nature, and whoever is trying to befriend her must understand that is part of who they get. Alyss loves to share her passion for art with others, teaching people how to paint or sketch in her free time. Alyss can’t stand it when someone finds it funny to waste someone’s time, particularly when it is in relation to her losing the time herself. When working or learning something to do with her powers, she is very efficient and can easily excel at the tasks that she is given, making her a good student. 

→ Her Personal Facts

Occupation: Sales Associate  for Shutter Magical Imports and Exports

Scars: None

Tattoos: The moon glyphs for life and will down her right ribs

Two Likes: The Arts and Double Espresso Macchiatos

Two Dislikes: Unreal Expectations and Jackass Movies

Two Fears: Being Powerless and Being Crushed 

Two Hobbies: Painting and Zumba

Three Positive Traits: Artistic, Efficient, 

Three Negative Traits: Blunt, Erratic, and Fiery 

→ Her Connections

Parent Names:

Tessa De Silva  (Mother): Alyss has never gotten along with her mother. Tessa has always been prone to delusions of grandeur when it comes to their family and constantly pushed Alyss with little care of her wellbeing. This led to Alyss leaving and cutting off all ties to her mother.

Sam De Silva (Father): Sam died when Alyss was a child in a work related accident. What memories she has of him are the only good ones when it comes to her family. He was the one that introduced her to her best friend, Jackson, when they were kids due to him working closely with Jackson’s father.

Sibling Names:

None

Children Names:

None

Romantic Connections:

None

Platonic Connections:

Jackson Peters (Best Friend): Despite Alyss moving to Chicago, she’s kept in touch with her best friend back in New York. Jackson more than understood her need to get out of the city when her mother returned. Both have decided that once they’re done with their mentor ship, they’re going to travel for a couple hundred years and enjoy themselves. 

Ronan Cleirigh (Boss): Alyss likes Ronan as a boss and respects him highly. 

Vlad Draga (Mentor): Vlad is Alyss’ mentor and she thoroughly enjoys all that he's taught her in her short time with him. She is very thankful that he even goes so far as to teach her about painting. 

Arianna Torres (Fellow Mentee): Ari is really friendly and it can be rather shocking to Alyss. She’s not really sure if Ari wants to be her friend or if she’s just being nice. 

Alucard Draga (Fellow Mentee): Alyss really likes learning with Alucard. She thinks he’s funny and enjoys spending time with him. She hangs out with Alucard outside of their training as well.

Cassandra Askeris (Acquaintance): Alyss has gone into Cassandra’s shop multiple times and always ends up asking questions about her craft. She actually thinks that she is becoming friends with the older woman. 

Sada Warren (Friend): Sada and Alyss met when they were both in the same painting workshop and hit it off. They started going out to the same places to paint and were meeting up to spend time together. Sada even introduced Alyss to Slam Poetry. 

Eric Lasiter (Future Mentor): Alyss wants to train under Eric eventually. He doesn’t have any openings as of yet, but Vlad and Alyss are watching out for it. They have also talked to each other at work and while he is not officially mentoring her, he has been willing to answer questions and give her advice. 

Belle Cunningham (Friend): Belle has tried to get Alyss to come out and join her and her friends for concerts and hanging out, but Alyss tends to stay at home. She has met up with them for a couple of things, and is thinking about doing it more in the future. 

Skylar Beckham (Friendly): Skylar is one of Eric’s mentees. They’ve met a couple of times and Alyss likes her. She isn’t sure if she is going to get the chance to train with Skylar, but she hopes so. 

Garrett Cleirigh (Acquaintance): Garrett shows up and does work at Shutter Magical Imports and Exports, but sometimes she wonders if he actually works there or not. 

Sid Velanica (Friendly): Sid and Alyss originally met at work and became friendly. They met once again when Sada introduced them as her friend and boyfriend. 

Hostile Connections:

None

Pets:

Whisk (Mouse): A fancy mouse who showed up one day and wouldn’t leave. 

→ History (paragraph(s) on background) → The Present (paragraph(s) on how the character connects to the plot)

#Alyss De Silva #Taken

[thatfanficstuff]

The Light in my Darkness - 2

Pairing: none yet

Warnings: language but if that bothers you should quit reading this now. 

A/N: I meant to have this up way earlier but ya know. Enjoy my lovelies. This is so much fun to write. 

***

“I don’t understand why you won’t give me this one thing.”

Sharon’s voice had taken on a nasal quality that grated on Clint Barton’s nerves. Of course, the entire argument was an annoyance he shouldn’t be bothered with. They had an agreement for a reason. He clenched his teeth and worked the muscle in his jaw. He was choosing his words carefully, not wanting the conversation to devolve any further. “I’m going to assume you didn’t mean to imply that I don’t provide you with everything you need.”

Her full bottom lip curled out in a pout and she batted her eyelashes at him. “You know I didn’t mean that, baby. You take such good care of me.”

He arched a brow but didn’t bother to respond. The monthly credit card bill was more than sufficient to show that she was more than taken care of. He crossed the room to look out the window, putting her at his back. Not for the first time, he wondered if it was time to end this. Sharon could be difficult at times but did it outweigh the time and effort he would have to put into finding a new companion? He sighed. God, I sound like a miserable bastard, he thought. Though he tried not to think about it too hard as he was far from happy with his current situation.

Small hands ran over the back of his jacket and across his shoulders.  He resisted the urge to shrug off her touch. 

“Look, we’ve been seeing each other for awhile now. My father thinks it time the two of you met. That’s all.” She’d curbed her tone to sound more reasonable and less whiney, but it was all a game. Everything that came from her mouth was calculated to get what she wanted. It should probably have bothered him more than it did, but he knew what she was when they started this.

He turned to face her. “The only reason he wants to meet me now is you’ve led on that we’re more than what we are. You could have told your parents that this was a casual relationship.”

Her lips pursed and she huffed as she turned away from him to grab her drink off the table. “They aren’t likely to believe that when I’m living with you.”

“We do not live together. You’ve never even seen my house and I’m barely ever here. I hate this apartment.”

Her brow furrowed as if this was news to her, though he’d mentioned it before. “What?”

He shrugged. “It’s cold. Impersonal.” Everything in the apartment was chrome and shades of gray. Nothing about it remotely said home to him.

“Why didn’t you say anything? I thought you’d approve. The designer I hired was one of the best.”

“I did say something, but I’m not the one living here, Sharon. If this makes you happy, so be it.” He raked a hand through his hair.

Her scowl slid into a sly smile. “See, I knew you cared about my happiness.” She sauntered back over to him and slipped her free hand into the front of his jacket. “You want everyone to think you’re so cool and unmovable, but you’re such a good boyfriend, Clint.”

Panic crawled up his spine when she called him her boyfriend. That wouldn’t do at all. He grasped her upper arms and moved her back away from him. “That’s not what this is and you know it. Quite frankly, I’m getting tired of having to remind you.”

“Why are you like this?” Tears welled in her eyes.

Clint didn’t even bother to hide his eye roll. The tears were about as real as the rest of her. “I’m the same as I was the day you met me.”

She slammed her glass down before crossing her arms over her chest. “That’s precisely the problem. By now I thought you would have come around to the idea of us. We’re perfect together. Why can’t you see that?”

“Don’t.”

“Don’t what? Don’t love you? It’s too late for that.”

Clint pinched the bridge of his nose. He pulled out his phone and began to send a series of texts. Without looking at her, he spoke. “We’re done here, Sharon. Tonight signals the end of our agreement. This is over.”

“You’re breaking up with me because I told you that I love you?” Her voice was low, little more than a whisper.  

He bit back the harsher words he wanted to say. This was a business arrangement, nothing more. He wouldn’t let her get to him. “You don’t love me and don’t fool yourself into thinking otherwise. You love my money. Not that I expect you to know the difference.”

Her glare might have made a lesser man pause, but Clint barely acknowledged it. “You can’t do this to me. I’ll tell everyone the truth. I’ll let them know the kind of man you are.”

His brows lifted and his mouth twitched at the threat. He licked his lips. “You signed a contract that forbids you from doing precisely that. Do it and you’ll hear from my attorneys. Besides, do you really want to tell everyone that you agreed to be in a relationship with me in exchange for money? I don’t think it’s me people will be judging.”

She stomped her foot and growled in frustration. His eyes followed her as she paced angrily across the floor. Suddenly, she snapped back toward him. “I’ll tell them you hit me.”

Anger flared through him then, hot and hungry. His shoulders rolled back and his spine went rigid. “You want to repeat that?”

Sharon ran her gaze over him and whatever she saw must have been enough to make her rethink her words. She shook her head. “I deserve more than this. I deserve better.”

“You deserve nothing. I have paid your every expense for the past eight months in exchange for you decorating my arm in public and a few nights in a lukewarm bed. I was clear from the beginning that was all this was. All it would ever be. I am not responsible for your delusions.”

“But it’s not a delusion. You really care for me. I can tell.”

He felt a twinge of sympathy for her until she continued.

“Please don’t cut me off. I need you.”

“As you’ve just made abundantly clear, you need my money. Not me. Frankly, you aren’t worth the headache anymore. I’ll give you three days to vacate the apartment. You may take personal belongings only. Everything else is to remain.” It was harsher than he intended to be, but apparently it was needed in this situation.

Her arms dropped to her sides as she gaped at him. “You can’t just expect me to leave. This is my apartment.”

“No, it’s my apartment. You really should read your contract, sweetheart.” And with those words, he turned and left. He slammed the door on her cursing his name and took the stairs two at a time down to the garage.

As his driver opened the door to the car for him, Clint smiled. He felt lighter than he had in weeks. Yes, Sharon was a weight he should have done away with some time ago.

“Is Miss Carter not joining us?” Scott asked and Clint didn’t miss the way the corner of the man’s mouth kicked up. His driver had never cared for Sharon and the feeling was mutual.

“Miss Carter will not be joining us again ever,” Clint answered as he slid onto the back seat. He could have sworn he heard Scott mutter ‘thank fuck’ before he shut the door. Clint chuckled and finished sending the emails he needed to make sure the flow of money in Sharon’s direction stopped.

His relief was only dampened by the fact he would have to find a new companion or he’d be right back to dodging money hungry women in no time. One soul-crushing relationship in a lifetime was enough. He had no desire to ever repeat the experience.

***

Once he arrived home, he dismissed Scott and entered through the kitchen door at the side of the house. He jerked to a stop when his eyes fell on Wanda sitting at the table with a pint of ice cream in front of her. Though she was scowling at the food in front of her, she wasn’t crying. Clint could handle anything as long as she didn’t start crying. Despite her obvious upset, he found himself smiling. He was always happy to see his girl. The house had been far too quiet since she moved into her own place closer to school.

He unbuttoned his jacket and shrugged out of it before tossing it over the back of one of the chairs. After that, he loosened his tie and rolled up his sleeves to reveal several of his tattoos. There. Now, he felt more like himself. He eyed Wanda but she still hadn’t acknowledged him beyond lifting her spoon in a wave. Moving to the fridge, he grabbed a couple of beers and went to join her at the table. He offered her one but she made a face.

“Beer and ice cream? Yuck.”

He grinned and cracked his open. After taking a long swallow, he sat the bottle on the table. “Lay it on me.”

“It’s not a big deal. I’m just a little bummed.” She rested her chin in her hand with a sigh.

“If it’s not a big deal, why did you drive all the way over here to eat my ice cream?”

She scoffed and narrowed her eyes at him. “Since when do you like pistachio?”

He shrugged and took another sip of his beer. “Talk to me. Who do I need to kill?”

That got him a laugh and his heart lightened considerably.

She shook her head. “It’s Y/N.”

Clint’s chest tightened a little at the mention of your name. You’d been a fixture in their lives since high school. He’d gotten used to having you around. Sometime in the last couple of years, he’d realized his feelings for you had shifted. Once he had, he’d done his best to stomp them into the ground and when that failed to work entirely, he started to avoid you. “Did you two have a fight?”

Wanda’s brow furrowed. “Of course not. We’re just not getting the apartment together anymore.”

He leaned back in his chair with a frown. The two of you had been planning on being roommates forever but it wasn’t practical with you in business school. Your change in majors had come with a transfer to Wanda’s college so now was the perfect time. “Well, why not?” Clint prompted when she didn’t continue on her own.

“Her father refuses to pay for anything unless she goes back to business school. He’s kicking her out of her apartment and cutting her off completely. She planned on financial aid covering her expenses but they won’t give her any money since her dad makes too much,” she told him quickly without taking a breath.

“Fucking Rumlow,” Clint muttered. He hated that man and still didn’t understand how someone like Y/N could have the same genes. “She doesn’t have to pay for her portion of the apartment, Wanda. You know I don’t care about that.”

She pointed at him with her spoon. “I know that and I told her as much, but she won’t do it. She can’t afford her classes much less her half of an apartment. They offered her all the hours she wanted at the diner but she won’t do that either. She’ll think it’s taking advantage of their kindness. You know how she is. I think she’s going to get another job. I’m never going to see her.”

Clint sipped at his beer as he mulled over the situation. If it was up to him, he would just pay for your tuition and your half of the apartment, but Wanda was right. You wouldn’t take it. You were one of the best people he knew and you certainly didn’t deserve any of this. Maybe he should call Rumlow and have a few words with him. He doubted that would have any affect on the situation, but he couldn’t think of what else to do.

His phone vibrated in his pocket and he pulled it out. A glance at the screen showed a text from Natasha wanting to verify he and his plus one would be attending a charity gala on Friday evening. He started to type back a reply but froze, his thumb hovering over the phone. He’d just had a fantastic, horrible idea. He slipped his phone back into his pocket without responding.

You needed money, which he could provide. And he needed someone with a flexible schedule to attend events with him. Go to the occasional dinner. Someone to make him appear unavailable. You were always ready and anxious to help where needed. If he explained this right, maybe both of you could end up with what you needed. And if it meant he spent more time with you, he wouldn’t complain. He could manage to keep his hands to himself while you enjoyed each other’s company. He’d been practicing for years now.

He cleared his throat, catching Wanda’s attention. He met her eye and smiled. “Have Y/N come by the office and see me tomorrow. I might be able to help her out.”

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