#//Especially when it comes to dealing w Fatui in Mond—the sick delight he feels in fighting/destroying them genuinely scares him at times

[dutybcrne]

Sometimes Diluc does wonder if the Delusion left a lasting impact on him, outside the never-fading scars on his arm. That if every time his temper flares or he deals a particularly cruel blow upon his opponent, it’s due to the Delusion’s lingering influence, that it may have altered him to be a crueler person as a result of his near half a decade-long dependence on it.

#hc; diluc #//Sometimes; he even goes as far as to wonder if the Delusion in fact only ENHANCED what was already there #//He’d damn near slain Kae out of anger as it was; anger he’d NEVER once thrown at Anyone before; much less HIM #//Who’s to say he didn’t already have that darkness within him; even considering the circumstances of that moment #//And him continuously—deliberately CHOOSING—using the Delusion only CEMENTED it deep into his self and soul #//He’s had plenty of his share of nightmares where he longs for the Delusion; regretting having Shattered it after its final use #//It was for the best; yes; but now he’ll forever be Haunted by the lack of it; like an addict in withdrawal #//There were times he DID try and cast it away during his years in Snezhnaya; but inevitably put it back on after harrowing nightmares #//He wishes he’d tried harder to get rid of it then; before it left such a lasting impression on him #//Even now; his body is still SO used to & wanting of it; he gets so RESTLESS #//Wanting to reach for and mess with it; only to find it gone and Remember why #//Or the marks it had branded him with start aching and acting up so bad; as though he were Burning from its fire #//Feeling utterly Exhilarated in the face of destruction his flames bring; in dreams or in reality then be Horrified at how much he’d done #//bc he SHOULDNT be proud of that; SHOULDNT delight in such cruel feelings and sights #//Especially when it comes to dealing w Fatui in Mond—the sick delight he feels in fighting/destroying them genuinely scares him at times #//He’s less inclined to feel it when dealing with the Abyss creatures—they aren’t HUMAN after all; but it still sets him at unease at times #//Sometimes particularly scathing remarks toward Kae during their bouts have even him balking #//Not quite rushing to take it back; esp not when Kae hits back harder or brushes it off w his irritating little posturing #//But still enough to make him mull it over afterwards & wonder just how much more resentment he holds for him #//And if he should watch out and make sure it doesn’t get so bad he tries to hurt him again #//He would NEVER willingly want to draw his sword on him ever again; not if he could help it #//no matter what’s become of their bond and how irreparable it must surely be; after all’s said and done #//But if the Delusion had truly sunk its cruel influence so deep into himself…who’s to say how well he can keep up this oath? #//Or smth idk lol