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red-radish14 · 3 years

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What a life we've got here...

TW: suicidal thoughts, depression, self-harm, r*pe, and mental illnesses --

This is a life story about a girl named Fay, Fay is 17 years old and was put into mental health treatment after an attempt to commit suicide. Please enjoy!

If you or anyone you know is thinking about committing suicide please use the number below to get the help you are needing!!

Suicide Hotline Number:

Worldwide: 800-273-8255

Hi, I'm Fay, this shouldn't be very long, but I'm here to tell you my story and why I'm in a wacky place like this. Well, the earliest I can remember was from when I was 6. My mother had given birth to my little brother around the middle of June. He was the cutest thing ever, he was perfect. Well, a secret about my parents is that they were alcoholics, and that's not really fun. My parents went out partying a lot, and so I was left to take care of my 2 little brothers, one 4 and a newborn. That went on for a while until one night, my mother went downstairs to her friend's apartment. She ended up sleeping with the guy down there and leaving us up there locked in a hot apartment crying. The police ended up showing up and my dad came home early from work to take care of us. I still ended up having to take care of my brothers while my dad was at work and my mom was in jail. When I was 7, I was told we had to move because my dad had to switch jobs in a new state, I didn't think much of it. We had finally moved to Florida and started having a better life. My mom met the new neighbors, they seemed pretty nice besides the older boy bullying me all the time. Well one time my dad was at work and my mom invited the new neighbor guy over, I thought he was cool. It was time for me to go to bed and I remember he had picked me up and brought me to sleep in my mom's room while they sat and watched TV. As he put me to bed he had taken his hand and rubbed it all up and down my body, telling me that it was a game he played with my mom and it put her to sleep fast. I didn't think really much of it only being 7, he then told me to relax and slid his hand into my pants, he said it was to keep me from going to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Well, now that I'm older, I just realize the bastard sexually assaulted me, and I've got no idea what the guy's name was or where he could be. I would regularly go over there to hang out with the nice lady he was married to. Her name was Kirsten, she would always play with toys with me and watch cartoons with me. One day she had gotten super depressed, went out drinking, got super drunk, and drove herself into a tree, causing the whole car to explode and she died. I was pretty sad, but the dude and his kids ended up moving away after her death to get some peace. Things were alright for a few years after that, I was about 12 when things really weren't feeling right. It was my 12th birthday, I remember I was so excited to eat cake, I had invited my best friend over to help cook it and I thought we did a good job, well, my mom had woken up later in the day, drunk, destroyed my cake, ate chunks and chunks out of it, and refused to make or buy me a new one. So that really sucked. Later that night I had found one of my mom's cigarettes and smoked it while sitting behind my door to make sure I didn't get caught. I remember laying down that night really sad about my cake, it felt like I was getting stepped on, even stabbed in my chest, I had no idea why it hurt so bad, but it did. For the next couple of years, I had struggled with the sadness trying to drown it out with some Roblox or Youtube videos, and they worked for the most part. I was about 13 when I had gotten a boyfriend for the 1st time, He was very nice and he treated me like I was a princess, well he broke up with me because another boy kept showing off and I was into him. Well I started dating the dude and he was about 15 while I was still 13, he showed me new things like how to make out and how to give really good hugs, and I was really into it. At that time I had a sense of what sex was, but I wasn't the sexual type of person at all, especially after what had happened a few years back. One day I had gone over to his house like I usually had done. Well, I sat down on his couch and he had gotten on top of me and asked if I was up for any fun. I had said no and told him to stop or I had to go home. He didn't like that at all, he had pinned me down on the couch, me lying on my stomach, and proceeded to force himself upon me, he had f*cking came

inside of me and I was terrified, even shocked. I went home after breaking up with him and getting raped. I never spoke about it to anyone or even thought about it. a few days later I had started to bleed and it was a relief to know I wasn't going to have a baby with him. a couple years went by and I was about 15 then, only about 2 years ago. We had to move to a new house because our old one was a hazard in the neighborhood, so they moved us to a new house and it was pretty chill. I started school a few months after moving. I got bullied pretty bad and my sadness got the best of me and I made a horrible mistake. Me and a few friends had planned to bomb the cafeteria a few days later and we had accidentally dropped the note in the hallway and got caught. I had gotten arrested at put into a juvenile center until I went to court a few days later, I ended up pleading not guilty and was sent to a mental counselor once a week for evaluation. I was expelled from school so I started homeschooling. It was Christmas time and I was pretty excited to get some presents and stuff. My mom had met a pretty cool dude and she said she wanted to live with him and stuff. Well, my dad didn't really like it so he hit her and she started drinking more heavily. The dude was pretty cool, I didn't see a problem, well my dad did. He had started beating me while my mom was at work and even really hurt me sometimes. One day he came home from work and insisted I drove him to the liquor store, so I did, we had an okay time. He got what he needed and we went home. Later that day my mom said she was going to live with her new boyfriend and that she was leaving that night to go with him. So I told her to f*ck off and leave if she was going to keep rubbing it in my face. So she went to sleep and I went to pick up the boys from school. I got home, made some dinner, and took a shower, my dad had been drinking so he came out and must've passed out in the kitchen, I helped him up and brought him back to his room. My little brother always played games on my mom's phone so we went to go grab it. Something was really off with my mom when I went in there. She was super pale and her nose was bleeding. I tried helping her with 911 on the phone but I knew it wasn't doing any good. I had realized that she had passed, and It was my dad who did it. He had strangled my mom to death. We spent the next 6 months in foster care waiting for our grandparents to move us in. We finally moved in and we thought it was pretty cool living with our grandparents. Being 17 now they had started treating me differently like I was a hitchhiker. Like I didn't matter at all. I got told to shut up all the time and eventually gave up trying to defend myself and did whatever they wanted me to do. I even contemplated just not talking and keeping to myself, but I got in trouble for that too. The sadness grew stronger and stronger and I think it's just a phase or something going on. I would sit and stare at a wall and just cry, sitting and wondering what the hell life was worth living for, all my life has been was a living hell. Well, I one day took it way too far and sliced my wrists up pretty good, and now I'm sitting here, just hanging out. in this little boxed room. Am I still sad? Of course, will I ever not be sad? Probably not, but I really think my life has something good coming up, even though it feels horrible now, I think telling my story really impacts people to keep trying even when times seem tough. So guys please, for me, keep pushing, even if you have no energy left, please keep going! <3

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red-radish14 · 3 years

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Happiness

Satan had sent down a serpent to bite the hand of happiness itself with a mere fruit of God's despair, leaving only regret and self-consciousness only for it to circle back around to the 20th century. What makes someone happy? Is it the way they live? Or is it a stereotype people have drilled into our thoughts that "if it's the best thing that could happen, that means it makes you happy?" Happiness is a concept, just like time itself you've got to believe it to actually experience it. Happiness now is just a needle in a horrible, itchy, and uncomfortable hay-bale, you find that needle, then what happens? It's a needle. A needle that could prick you and inject you with thousands of happy feeling chemicals that drive you to addiction. A needle you heat up to break that unbearable seal on your life of what you think is happiness. Happiness is now scrolling through media for hours at a time, sitting on the couch with your family during Thanksgiving, or even visiting a friend you haven't seen in years, only for it to end in a few short, saddening hours. Happiness is a ticking time-bomb, you ignite it with your match of creativity and excitement, it then only ticks down and explodes, leaving sad gunpowder and a hole in your life, not even duct tape can fix. And then what? Are you sad and depressed? Are you even who you think you are? Are you happy? Happiness is what you make it. Happiness is when you wake up in the morning and are springing out of joy, ready to make breakfast for your dream partner, and then drive off to your dream job in your dream car. Haha, like that will ever happen. If you aren't happy then what are you doing? Are you dancing in the kitchen like you're at a concert? are you sipping alcohol on the beach in the Bahamas? Or are you sitting on your couch scrolling through Facebook seeing the same luxury in someone else's eyes, wondering "that could be me, they look so happy" but are they really though? Are they really, honestly, and truly happy?

#happiness #sad times #questioning #spinning #mindfuck

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red-radish14 · 3 years

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The Day After

This short story contains suicide, and graphic images of suicide, and if you are anyone you know is considering suicide know that there are many resources out there for you to get ahold of.

enjoy the story!

The day after I killed myself was a pleasant day. The day after I killed myself I had woken up and made myself a cup of coffee. The day after I killed myself I had taken a shower and walked downstairs to get breakfast. The day after I killed myself I said hello to my mother and father, not getting a response. The day after I killed myself I said hello to my neighbors and took the dog for a walk. The day after I killed myself I walked past the paperboy on his small bike. The day after I killed myself I had gotten into the freezing car to which my parents sat in many minutes before. The day after I killed myself, I had followed in the backseat on the way with my parents to my aunt's house. The day after I killed myself I drew small hearts on the dew dropped car windows. The day after I killed myself I had sat down on my aunt's couch to collect the memories I had as a child, watching my parents and family burst into tears, yet still no response to me. The day after I killed myself I had stared into the face of my childhood and collected faint memories of butterfly kisses and gingerbread houses. The day after I killed myself, I thought about what was happening on the way back to my house, thinking what the big occasion is to pull out a baby book. The day after I killed myself I walked into my bedroom to see a mirror-like spinning image of myself laying on the floor surrounded by men in white plastic suits. The day after I killed myself I was cold, alone, pale and blue, with an ever so soft feel of baby skin. The day after I killed myself, I watched the men take me to their van and drive off without me, all alone. The day after I killed myself I had realized I was dead. The day after I killed myself I sat down at the kitchen table to listen to the sorrowful conversation between my parents and the ghost of me. The day after I killed myself we ate tearful eggs with sorrow-filled pancakes. The day after I killed myself I had sat down on my bed next to the endless bottles of pills and alcohol laying about the floor. The day after I killed myself I laid down in bed remembering who I was before I died. The day after I killed myself I realized I lived a sad and torture life full of abuse and self-pity, only to wish I could reverse my swallows and speak out my truth. The day after I killed myself I sat in the church watching people hug and hold hands, crying out to the man in the sky to take me and bring me back home. The day after I killed myself was a pleasant day. And afterward, I woke up and made myself a cup of coffee.

#tw suidice #killed #myself #angels of death #sad poetry #sad times #sad poem #sad death #poetry #poems on tumblr

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red-radish14 · 3 years

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An interview with a pyromaniac

This is a story about a female pyromaniac in prison for a house fire that caused 3 deaths in the process, Jocelynn is now in the Williamson County Prison serving a life sentence for the murders of the victims.

Here is her story.

Credit to: @thatquietkid01 (for playing the role of Jocelynn)

Word Counter: 1.2K

L: we are here at the prison Jocelynn Flores is currently staying for her life sentence for the 3 murders.

*Starts at 3:01 pm*

L: Hello Jocelynn, how are you doing?

J: I'm good how are you?

L: I'm decent today, do you know why I am here?

J: Yes, you are here to talk to me about the house fire that killed the "innocent" family.

L: Yes, how did your obsession with fire start Jocelynn?

J: It all started when I was a child it was right after my dad died that I've become obsessed with fire and it kept growing and growing until it got to the point where I would burn down small parks along with my other friends.

L: Who were these other friends? were they nice or?

J: They were other juveniles just like me except they pretty much had better lives.

L: When you say juveniles, were you arrested once before this?

J: I was arrested for a fire in a small park of course, but my friends had run off and basically abandoned me, causing me to have built up rage.

L: So over time you'd get mad at little things right?

J: Yes, the littlest things would really piss me off.

L: As a teen did you continue school or work?

J: No, I had dropped out but I did start work at a local Circle K.

L: And how did that go?

J: It went okay, it wasn't the best paying job, but it got the shit done.

L: Did you have any rude people come through there?

J: Yes, all the time

L: How did you know the family of the house?

J: From work.

L: Were they extremely rude, like over the top?

J: No, but, it was rude enough to a point to where I was pretty enraged, I mean enough to burn their house down.

L: Did you become friends with them before you had killed them?

J: Yes and no, I was as kind as I could be to them, but they were always rude to me, and after a while, it just got to me.

L: How'd you find out where the victims lived?

J: From their driver's license, they bought alcohol all the time.

L: Was there anything else that indicated where they lived?

J: They were pretty shabby so that meant they were pretty poor, they paid in quarters sometimes and I feel like it had progressed their nasty attitudes.

L: what were some of the things that they would say?

J: I was still pretty new at my job, I was only there for about 4 months before the crime, they would tell me to hurry up, skip the lines we had, and they even threw change at me sometimes.

L: After a while how did you feel when you saw them walk into the store?

J: I was pretty mad, I wanted them banned but that wasn't my place to say anything, I feel like they got ruder and ruder as the months went on.

L: What supplies did you have to bring with you to start the fire?

J: I had a gallon of gas and some matches.

L: How did you stop them from escaping?

J: Easy, blocking all the exits and windows with locks and wood.

L: Did you know the littlest was only 5 years old?

J: No, but it was a simple goal, burn the house down.

L: This was a child you killed, did you have any children?

J: I never wanted children, they always bothered me with their noise and complaints.

L: Did this kid bother you while in the store?

J: Not really, he would whine at his parents to get him things and sometimes would scream the whole time they were in there.

L: Kids are hard to deal with, how were the other kids that came through your store?

J: This one really stood out from the rest, plus how his parents were acting, it really ticked me off.

L: How long have you been in here for these murders?

J: for about 5 years now.

L: I want you to tell me how this all was portrayed, and what was running through your mind.

J: Well I started the car, and followed them out after they had finished buying their things, I had waited down the road with my supplies and waited a few hours for it to get dark and for them to go to bed, then, I blocked up the windows, and the doors, I had poured the gas in a circle around the house and struck my match, I then stood in front listening to screams and horrors until the police and fire department showed up.

L: And what did the police do?

J: they had cuffed me on the front lawn and immediately put me into a car and brought me to the jailhouse.

L: how was the stay there?

J: It was okay, it was quiet, the room smelt like smoke because it was hot and I was quite nervous, and I did just kill a whole family you know?

L: Did you ever regret doing any of this? Whether it is in prison or some days afterward?

J: No, because I am very ruthless, nobody really liked me growing up but a few people, but then everyone thought it was terrible.

L: It was terrible, how are things now, do you have a job around here?

J: Yes, I go around and collect laundry for $.50 a day.

L: Do you think if you had the chance to go back in time and undo this, would you?

J: Yes, to save me from being in this hellhole of a place.

L: How did other prisoners react when you told them why you were here?

J: some were really cool about it, but some really like the idea.

L: would they beat you up, or hurt you in any way?

J: Yeah, sometimes, they would find me in the laundry room and wait for the guards to leave the main room, I was pretty bloodied up after my first few fights.

L: That sounds awful, how is the food?

J: the food is food, it's the same thing every day, a bologna sandwich with a glass of water.

L: It's the price you pay for what you had done.

J: Yeah it sucks sometimes but I'm making it through.

L: That's all you can do. What advice would you give someone to keep them from following the path you took that led to your incarceration?

J: Umm, don't do it to be cool, and stay kind, don't hurt people, that's all I ask

L: And finally what would you say to the victims of the family at this time?

J: I'm sorry I ruined your family, grudges held, mistakes made, and I will serve my life in here for what I had done.

L: Alright well with that said, it was very nice to be able to speak with you today and I hope you have a better life here protected.

J: Thank you, I'm here for discipline, not respect.

*ends at 3:54 pm*

Thank you guys for being so interested in my short little stories I write, I am open to all suggestions constantly through dm or simply reblogging it. Thanks for reading!

#fireplace #arson mention #pyromaniac #interview #murder #police #crime scene #horror #gore tw #short fiction

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red-radish14 · 3 years

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How To Get Away With Murder

Authors Note:

No real-life acts were committed to persuading me to write this story, it is all fictional and written off the top of my head, no mental or physical attributes were caused to have premeditated planning on this, this felt like a very interesting story to write, there is graphic detail in this story if sensitive please do not read.

If you or someone you know is/are thinking about committing an act of violence upon you or others please call 911 and get help immediately!! They will be able to find the right resources and betterments for you!!

Thanks and reviews are always appreciated!! :)

Word Count: 2.2k

Average Life for an average girl:

December 31st, 1979

7:01pm

Hi, I'm Blaire, Blaire Helms, thinking that no one is going to read any of this I have made a resolution to start journaling my life. Even if no one ever saw this, it would be nice to look back and read what I had in mind for the years to come. Let me start out with who I am. I'm a 17-year-old girl from Topeka Kansas, I live with my mother and twin brothers in an apartment downtown. My brothers, Jack and Elliot, are star players on the high school football team. And well, my mother, she is a waiter at the cafe on the main street. We don't have much here at home, and having to scrounge for money to buy a $15 journal had been a struggle for the past few weeks. Me on the other hand, I'm 5'6" with long brown hair and big green eyes. School before winter break was tough, I get bullied a lot, and making friends is a bit of a challenge for me. My brothers don't make it any easier for me either, they sometimes even send random classmates to come to bully me in the smoking pit. Yeah yeah, I know, before you get all Nabby about me smoking I know that it's bad for you, but, I'm 17 how bad could it get. Being a junior in high school isn't all that rough though. I'm an average C student with average teen life. To end on a good note, I finally had enough money saved for the dance on the 13th. Well, it is a welcome back dance for all the kids who passed 1st semester. I just hope no trouble endured like last year, having my head dumped into the punch bowl was not pleasant. Expect more from me in the future. Until then.

-Blaire Helm

7:56pm

Smoking Pit Disaster:

January 7th, 1980

5:23pm

Today was hell, when I woke up my brother Elliot had clogged the toilet and flooded the whole bathroom, and just left it there, I was always the last one to leave the house and there was no time to clean it up. I had to get ready at school, about 15 minutes later and once I had left the restroom it was straight to the smoking pit to skip 1st period. There were always a few girls down there and they weren't very talkative, they always just sat and smoked for the whole hour, no breaks in between. As I was smoking you literally won't believe who came down to bother me, Mason Palmer. Mason was the hottest guy in school, he was also the biggest jerk of the school. He was famously popular among anyone in the city and always had a few remarks in his sleeve. after a few minutes of smoking and getting paper balls profusely thrown at me, Mason had jumped down into the pit and proceeded to taunt me. After the taunting, he had kicked my side causing me to drop my cigarette onto my leg. He then left laughing at his buddies. About 30 minutes after the beating I had left to go to 2nd period. Walking through the hallway trying to cover the burn hole in my jeans, I ran into Mason. He had grabbed my backpack and threw it at one of his buddies that had taken off with the bag. He then pushed me down and walked away, leaving me with no supplies, and I had returned to the smoking pit for the remainder of the day. Hopefully, this week would get better before the dance on the 13th. If it doesn't, I'll just have to stay home. But, until next time.

6:17pm

- Blaire Helm

Sam's Club Shopping Spree:

January 11th, 1980

9:12pm

Today I had to go shopping for bulk food supplies at Sam's Club. It was the cheapest place where we could go to buy a lot of items for less money. It was only the 2nd time I had to go shopping there and I was bored out of my mind. As I was shopping today I picked up the usual items we needed. Macaroni, ramen, chips and lots more. In the back of my mind somewhere I needed to get some cleaning supplies, I don't know why but I bought some anyway. a 4 pack of bleach bottles, 16-pack sponges, 2 3-gallon mop buckets, 8 pack of paper towels, and some sterile gloves. I felt like I needed to clean the whole house. After I was done shopping I decided to stop by Walgreens to pick up some pain killers for my back, it's been so horrible lately, they'll knock me out in a second if I'm not careful. Once I got home, I left the cleaning supplies in my car until I needed them and brought the other groceries inside. Being usual teenage boys my brothers decided to help none and pretend to be each other for a day, I guess it's a normal thing identical twins decide to do. Oh, and about Mason, he hasn't shown up to school for the past 2 days because he's been too busy suit shopping for the dance. This isn't prom, I guess he's wanting to fuck some chick in the back while everyone else is sipping on watered-down punch. Well, I'll let you guys know how the dance goes, all I'm wearing is a hand-me-down loose tee with some black jeans. Wish me luck.

10:02pm

- Blaire Helm

Till Death Do Us Part:

January 13th, 1980

5:43 am

Guys, I'm in the middle of fucking nowhere right now. Why is this happening, this can't be happening? It started with the stupid fucking dance. I walked into the gym, grabbed my punch, and boom Mason was right there, he had poured his punch all over me and pushed me causing me to slip and fall hitting my head. I had gotten up asking him what he wanted from me. Suddenly he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to the side of the bleachers. He had pinned me against the wall and told me I had to do whatever he wanted me to do. I had agreed and asked him if I could run out to my car to get dried, he agreed and after some time I was back into the gym. Mason had gotten a new cup of punch and came over to dance. I had played around and danced along with him. Mason left to go pee after some dancing and asked me to hold his cup. While Mason was gone, I had grabbed some of those painkillers from the car and slipped some into his drink. Mason had returned and started drinking his punch, fast, like he was dying of dehydration. He started falling asleep so, I asked him if he wanted to go to the storage closet to have some fun. He had followed me in there, pinned me down, and I stabbed him. I had must've stabbed him 100 times, blood was everywhere. I panicked, I had shut off the lights and locked the door. It must've been hours but no one looked for us, once the last person left the school I knew what I needed to do with Mason. I had dragged his body out to my car and laid him in the backseat on top of my wet clothes, all of his blood had drained out onto the floor of the gym. I had grabbed the cleaning supplies I bought from Costco earlier and cleaned. it must've taken me an hour. I had grabbed all the trash and stuffed it into the back of my car. The closet was as clean as it was before the murder. And now I'm out here in the middle of fucking Kansas, 125 miles from where I live. Now, what do I fucking do?

7:24 am

- Blaire Helm

Pitched Out:

January 14th, 1980

3:36 pm

I had decided I needed to do something with this body or it was going to rot in my car minute by minute. I had stopped at a gas station to pick up 30 lbs of raw meat and some new clothes without being questioned and afterward, I had gone a bit off-roading miles away from the road and found a place to park and deal with it. My mother loved to Garden and so happens the day before she had left most of her gardening stuff in the car, so I got to digging. I had created dirt stairs and dug 12ft down. I had stripped Mason down to his skin and set his clothes aside. I had placed him into the hole. I covered him up with about 6 ft of dirt, and placed the raw rotting meat above, covering it with the remaining dirt, patted it out, and made it look natural. I had found some school papers from my car and tumbleweeds laying around to create a fire. I stripped down to my skin and proceeded to throw everything I had used to kill Mason into the fire, letting it burn. After the fire was done burning I picked up the ashes and brought them with me back to a small pond a few miles down the road. I had thrown the ashes into the pond, watching them disintegrate, and jumped in the pond myself to wash up all the blood. While I was in the pond I had realized what I've done. While drying off I burst into tears and begged God for forgiveness. Afterward, I had set myself on home, sitting here now at a gas station, only 25 miles away from my house.

4:17 pm

- Blaire Helm

The Party:

January 17th, 1980

8:57 pm

A watch party had started for Mason and I had joined along with them in search for him. I knew what I did, and I knew nobody was going to ever find him. I know that because it's a fact. The rotting meat will attract the dogs, the police dig it up and realize it's just some animal remains, and continue searching. There are no fingerprints or clothes to find because they are burnt. The ashes are dissolved into nothingness. And it's in the middle of Kansas in a desert, anyone could've done it. The school gym is cleaned like brand new, it's all planned. After the search party, I had stopped by Mason's house to see how his parents were doing. His mother and father could not stop crying. Soon I was "crying" and told them I needed to leave to get home to do some homework. I had gotten home and lost my mind, I was upset that I did such a thing. I had started laughing when realizing that I had gotten away, a murder undetected, a master plan successfully accomplished. But for how long.

9:10 pm

- Blaire Helm

Dumped Down:

April 18th, 1980

1:02 pm

It's been 3 months since I've killed Mason, the parties are over, and everyone is moving on like he was still out there missing. I knew what had happened, I've visited where I had buried him a few times since that night, It upsets me. A lot is going through my head lately. One of these days or years they are going to find him and I will be fucked, I can't live knowing I had killed a man. So sitting here in my bedroom I've come up with a plan, We are going to paint the walls, to have a fresh new start. I will load up the paintbrush and get to painting. The room is going to have small specks of red, it suits me best. But I've got to admit that I lived my life up to its fullest. Lighting up a cigarette and placed the paintbrush in the palm of my hand. I'm gonna set it down and I'll let you know how the room turns out tomorrow. I had left a note on the counter for my mother and my brothers, it's basically telling them to not come in until the paint dries, well I'll write later, Goodbye.

3:46 pm

- Blaire Helm

Roses:

Blaire Helm

Sex: F

DOB: 08/23/1963 (17)

Hgt: 5'6"

Eyes: Green

Cause of death: Suicide

DOD: 04/18/1980

We had responded to a report of a teenage suicide yesterday night, a distraught mother had dialed 911 crying about her daughter being dead. When police arrived at the scene it was in fact Blaire Helms in her small apartment bedroom. She was lying on her left side with a gunshot wound to her right side of her face, the shotgun laying behind her back and the walls dusted in blood. No one knows why Blaire had committed suicide, people usually called her sweet and caring. No suicide note was found and police are still investigating the scene of the crime.

Drug reports:

Cotinine: 45mg

Alcohol: 1.4oz

Adderall: 75mg

Tylenol: 1200mg

Subject transferred to autopsy room for opening, nothing found within the patient, the mother will soon arrive to finish the paperwork.

- M.D Green

Another Author's Note:

I really hope you guys enjoyed this story, I spent only a few hours on it so it's not professionally done, again pls call 911 if you or someone you think might consider suicide or committing a crime. Thanks again, take care

- L.L

#tw suicice #depressing post #murder #story time #like wtf

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red-radish14 · 3 years

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Sweet Mint Clouds

Waking up a daily struggle is like strangling a feeling with poison on a sweet summer day. Making sense of the world around me, making me feel as if I'm in a fog of my own self consciousness. Sipping on sweet mint clouds as the rainbow above my head slowly fades colors away from the excitement of life. A 5am wake up call to walk in the frost bitten air and ride the limousine of success to a place where everyone can watch you slowly crave the attention of others. Eating the rotten apples of patheticness and despair only to walk away back into the beaming light across from the logo to your safe place. A ride home is nothing more than a mere call for I do not want to return to sipping on the sweet mint clouds of ecstasy and imagination. Piles of papers stack on the desk across from your single resting place as you avoid it at all cost only to blather on about your life to your close friends. Yet again sipping on sweet mint clouds and falling into a tired sleep driven state of nonexistence. My head hits the pillow full of daily perturbation and utter disfavor for the world around. Yet, I still lay and sip on sweet mint clouds and grieve every trek of the daily world around. Hallucinating a new world around me where yet still, sipping on sweet mint clouds.

#clouds #sad poetry #short story #tw depressing stuff #sad boi hours #nicotine #vape #drugs

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red-radish14 · 3 years

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Sleep

What is sleep? Is it death? is it something we just do randomly? Why is sleep set for a specific time of the day? Sleep is a hard concept to grasp. We sleep to rewind the soul we’ve built up through out the day. But where do we go? are we dead, does our body really make up these images we see as dreams? just so it doesn’t feel alone? When you die does your body think it’s dreaming? and when we are dreaming, does our body think we are dead? You could get 2 hours or 16 hours worth of sleep and your body reacts as if you only just blinked and woke up. If sleep is suppose to cleanse the brain of toxins, then does the brain clean itself? Is the brain toxic? If we didn't sleep and we die, what would our brain think? are we sleeping or dead? It’s free right?

#No sleep #sleep #death #dead #what

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red-radish14 · 3 years

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Time

Authors note:

This contains some strong opinion stating in this short story and would like to mention that it is not intended to harm someone or cause them any mental stress, thank you and enjoy!!!

Time is not real. Time is a concept human beings had made up thousands of years ago to create some sort of “structure.” The time tells us where to be, what to do, and how to live our lives. Time is the basic foundation for all human beings to function in a timely manner. Time is very overrated and justified as being a simple daily life routine based on what a mere piece of plastic in some glass reads. As the sun goes up you go about your day to day lives, you work 9-5 and afterwards you have to go to the grocery store, well great the store closes at 10. But straight after work you have to take the kids to practice and go home and cook dinner and finish up that paper work you had at work because you “didn’t have time.” Now you are stuck having to go to the store on your day off, which makes it not really your day off. The sun comes up and goes down, but what if we used the technology today to make it possible as if time didn’t exist and we went about our lives based on when we wanted to. Well yeah i have to go to school today, but I’ve decided today I’m going to go at 7 pm because me and my friends have work at 2 am. Time is a structure we need, but despise. We have all the time but no time at the same time. Time is a blessing and a curse.

#time #short story #theory #sleep #work #opinion based

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red-radish14 · 3 years

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Golden

Authors note:

This contains suicide and subtle and minor details about the death that had occurred.

I will continue to write these short stories here and there as they pop up in my mind. Please enjoy and let me know what you think!!

Your toes touch the ground beneath you as you breathe in the crisp air from outside. You had just gotten off the phone with your partner and needed a breather. As your toes touch the tip of the hot summer day you feel as if you are floating. So golden the horizon line, as the bright sun had faded into the blue night. You had been on the edge for so long, your toes touching the tip of the summer days before you. As if a blue bird were to take off and fly away as you had breathed in the crisp air from outside. The blue bird only flies as low as the golden horizon would set. Only to fly yourself would be oh so gracious. The view from halfway down can make the bird’s eye view as gracious as it’s landing on the city sidewalks below. As if you had taken your last breath and flew away off into the golden horizon. The view from halfway down was a sight to see on your last boating trip. It was as golden as the horizon before you had made your landing on the pier, in order to dock the boat. You had decided to take the feast of mental illness and poisoned talk along with you as you had set sail on the journey, only to realize you had regretted it from the view halfway down. The sun had over taken you with its glorious rays and warmth as you had made your landing on the earth below. You only to realize that as you stand there, dreaming about flying away and sailing off to seas, you had flew away yourself. As you opened your eyes all you can see is the golden horizon and the flash of blue and red lights as you look down at the gracious waters and had saw what you’ve become.

#Suicide #selfharm #short story #small #golden

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red-radish14 · 3 years

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Erratic Imagination

Authors note:

This had taken me a short time to write and edit along the way. This was really fun to write and is one of my 1st stories I have written. Pls enjoy and thank you.

Female reader pov, sex, suicide, substitutable names

word count - 4.2k+

Lots of grammatical errors, that’s because it’s the 1st major story I had written.

Chapter 1:

It was a cold, snowy day like it always is in Colorado. Off to the doctor, then to work. I worked at King Soopers and it was never a dull moment there. I was 4 hours into my shift surviving on candy and energy drinks I kept by the time clock. As a customer walks up to my line I let out a deep sigh and say to myself, “4 more hours.” I greet the customer with a tiring but friendly hello. As I get to the end of checking the order out I glance over to the bottom of the basket to see a case of beer. “Let me go get my manager, I'm not old enough to scan this.” “Sure thing,” they said with a grinning tone. There were no recognizable head clerks around. From my prior training, anyone wearing a black vest was in charge. As I walk up to self check out I get a sudden, “Hello, do you need any help?” As I turn around I see a tall, dark fluffy-haired guy, all swooped to the side. By looking at his name tag it read, “H/n, Front End Supervisor.” “Uh, yeah, I need someone to scan this beer for me.” “Sure thing,” he said as he turned back around and walked to check stand 13, where I usually scan. As he finished scanning he greets himself to me as business-like as possible, then walks away as my heart pumps extremely hard and my face completely flushed. Once my shift was over I walk by the time clock and grab my drinks and start to clock out. As I’m clocking out H/n walks over and thanks me again for my hard work. He winks at me and takes his mask off to get a drink of his Redbull. I call my grandma to get a ride home, still, in awe, I was almost unable to force any words out of my mouth but, “I’m off of work, can you please come to pick me up?” I hang up the phone and sit on the damp concrete waiting for her to get to the store. As she pulls up to the store and I open the door. He walks out waving a small goodbye as I shut the door to the car.

Chapter 2:

As a few weeks went by I was rarely scheduled to work again with H/n, but when I was, I couldn’t keep thinking about him. It was Sunday, the busiest day of the week, everyone in the front end was scheduled to work. 2 hours into my shift and lines begin to pick up and checkers speeding to keep the lines calmed down. As I was checking many people who came through needed cigarettes and beer scanned. Worrying that I won’t have an adult close by I continue to scan hoping a CC or a head clerk would come to help me. Rushing over was H/n, opening the register right in front of me. I couldn’t keep my eyes or mind on what I was doing. An hour had passed by and the lines were clearing up quite a bit. Finally, there were no customers in my line and H/n already had his light off getting ready to shut down and tend to the front end. As soon as his last customer walked away he came over to my line. “What a busy day, what are your plans after work?” I looked up at him trying not to blush, “I’m just going to go home and do some homework, how about you?” I looked back at the register and started playing around with a pen we use for checks. “I’m just going to eat some dinner and watch a movie, would you like to come over, I’m inviting over some friends?” My eyes widened at the realization of what he just said. “Um, sure, what time is this?” I said with a quiet but determined tone. “I'll start cooking at about 8, can you be there then?” he said running his hand through his hair. “Um, yeah, at 8, sure thing.” “Cool.” He said as he walked up to self-checkout. He came back and handed me a piece of receipt paper with his address on it. I was amazed, ecstatic, in awe, a few more customers came through my line and I checked them out with ease and at the most friendliness tone, I’ve ever been in. It was closing time and nearly 6:30, so I clocked out and started to head to the door. “Hey, Y/n!!” I heard from a distance. It was F/n, she was 17, tall and skinny, and gorgeous. “Hey!” I said pulling her into a hug. “F/n, I have a problem, I need a ride to this guy’s house he invited me over for dinner and my grandma would never let me go.” “Who is this guy?” She said with a deep concerning tone. “His name is H/n,” I said almost nervously. “H/N, the head clerk H/n, oh my fucking god, he invited you over for dinner, that’s a step up.” She said giggling in between words. “Please F/n, this is my one chance to get to know him, besides, it’s just dinner.” “Fine. Let’s go.” She said stepping out the front of the store. “I need to call my grandma.” I picked up the phone and called her. “Hey Y/n sweetie, what’s up.” “Hey grandma, they are telling me I'm going to have to work till about 11, can I call you again once I get off?” “Sure, just be careful baby, I love you, bye.” I step into F/n’s car and the whole time we were driving seemed very silent with a few lyrics sung here and there. As we pull up to his house F/n continues to explain to me that I need to be careful and let him see who I really am. I step out of the car and walk up to the door. “Use protection,” F/n says as she speeds off into the dark. I rang the doorbell to his house and heard an open from the locks inside. It was H/n, standing there with a puppy in his arms.

Chapter 3:

With a puppy in his arms, H/n invited me inside. It smelt like cinnamon and cologne mixed. It wasn’t an awful smell, just one that hit you right in the face. “This is D/n, she’s a spoiled brat.” He said putting her down on the hardwood floor beneath us. “It was nice of you to come over, my friends said it wasn’t a good night for them to come over, since they have to go to work tomorrow.” “Oh yeah, sure thing, so it’s just us,” I said as my face turned red and fingers twisting around themselves. “I’m cooking some sweet potatoes and some steak, did you want something to drink?” He said waving me to the kitchen. His kitchen was marble and had a nice clean feel to it. The full moon shined upon up through the window above the kitchen. “Yeah sure, water would be good.” “Alright,” he said as he took a glass out of his cabinet. As he’s filling up the cup full of water he asks, “What made you apply to King Soopers?” He handed me the glass of water. “Thanks,” I said taking the cup out of his grip. “Well, my phone broke and I needed to get the money to pay for it.” I set the glass down on the bar. “Oh is that so, well, it’s good to have you there.” He started walking towards the dining room and into the living room. “We can watch Netflix?” He said plopping down on the couch. “Sure.” I took my coat off and sat on the couch beside him. He scrolls through the movies and clicks on one. “365 Days,” The title said. “Should we really watch this? I mean, have you seen it?” I said shifting away from him on the couch. “It should be fine, I'll be in there cooking dinner.” He gets up and leaves me with the remote. Thirty minutes pass by and as I’m watching the movie, he comes to hand me a plate of food. He sits down next to me and says, “Should we pause it, and finish it after we eat?” “Sure, that’s fine,” I said turning extremely red. We sit and finish eating, it only took about 20 minutes before we were finished. “Can I call my grandma real fast?” I said looking up at him. “Of course.” He said getting up and bringing the plates to the kitchen. I call my grandma and say, “Hey grandma, F/n wants me to spend the night over at her house, is that okay?” “Sure baby, just be careful and don't do anything you aren’t supposed to do.” He sits down and plays the movie. About halfway through a sex scene he turns to look at me and says, “Are you wanting to spend the night?” “I mean, I can, where would I sleep?” “We have a room next to mine, you can stay there, my homies are out of town so they won't mind.” “Alright,” I say as I bounce my knee up and down vigorously. He gets up and directs me to the room. When we got there it was surprisingly clean inside and containing a queen-sized bed. “Here you go,” He says winking at me and sitting down on the bed. “Hey, I wanted to ask you something?” “Sure what is it?” I said with a slight sigh. “How old are you again?” “I’m 17, why?” “Damnit,” He said getting up and putting his hands behind his head. “What's wrong?” I said in the most concerning tone. “It’s just that...” He comes over to me and sits down on the bed next to me. “Nevermind,” he said as he placed his hand on my thigh. Trying not to scream I lean to lay my head against his arm. “It’s okay, maybe we should get some rest,” I said closing my eyes. H/n gets up and leaves the room as I lay down and fall asleep. It’s about 3am when I hear a small groan come from beside me. It was H/n, and he was laying beside me.

Chapter 4:

Trying not to move I nudge him with my elbow and say “What are you doing in here?” Butterflies arose from my stomach and I felt like I was going to puke. “Well, it got cold, and I came to check up on you, and well...” He said in a deep tired voice. “well what?” I said rolling over to look at him. “Well, I accidently fell asleep.” “Oh,” I said sitting up. “Do you want me to leave?” He said concerningly. “No, it's fine.” I lay back down only to wrap my arms around him as we told stories and giggled, soon falling asleep. We woke up at about 8 am and the sun shined right through the window to fall perfectly on our bodies. ¨I'll be right back,” I said finally after laying there in silence which almost felt like forever. I walk to the bathroom just at the end of the hall. I pick up my phone and immediately call F/n. “F/n, I spent the night, dude you gotta come to get me, my grandma is going to kill me.” My grandma knew what car was F/n’s and which was not. “Ugh, Y/n it’s 9 o’clock, can’t you wait?” “F/n please,” I said with a sad sigh. “Fine, give me 15 minutes, and ill be there.” I waited in the bathroom for about 10 minutes before finally leaving and shutting the door behind me. H/n was standing there in his grey sweatpants and hoodie. “Do you want some food?” He tilted his head slightly to the side. “Actually, F/n is on her way to come to get me, I’m good though thanks.” We hear a honk from the outside and we both turned our heads to look. “Well, I've got to get going, see you again soon?” “For sure,” He said as he reached his arms out for a hug. I went over and felt his grip around my waist as I buried my head into his chest. “Oh wait here, I wanted you to have this.” He handed me a small vape and a bottle of juice. “It’s to keep the edge off and get you going again when you are feeling out of it.” “Oh thank you,” I said shoving it into my coat pocket. We step over to the door and he opens it. letting me out of his driveway and into F/n’s car. “Bye,” He said shutting the door. I put out a small wave as F/n drove away looking through her rearview mirror. “You guys had sex didn’t you?” She asked quietly. “What, no, why would I, no,” I said jerking up. “You wanted to,” I said nothing. “Right?” She finally said. “Y/n I swear to god.” F/n started playfully slapping my upper arm waiting for me to give in. “Okay, fine, yes, yes, I wanted to, But I was too scared.” F/n let out a small sigh. “If you just let it happen, it will happen,” She said. We get to my house and I step out of F/n’s car and thank her for taking me. “Text him,” She said slowly driving off. Getting into my bedroom I set the vape down to set it up. I filled it with the minty juice he had given me and took a hit. I immediately started throwing a coughing fit and put it under my pillow to hide. Laying down and scrolling through Facebook, I get a message from H/n, it said, “I’m glad you were able to come over, make sure to dress warm tomorrow, suppose to be a blizzard out there, let me know if you need anything.” I turned off my phone and laid there taking small hits off the vape until I fell asleep from a buzz.

Chapter 5:

I woke up at about 9am, “Shit, I start work at 9:15,” I said in a panic. I rushed to get dressed and the only thing I had to wear was a skirt. Today was my birthday and turning 18, this was not a good start to my day. I pulled my shirt over my head and zipped up the side of my skirt, put my shoes on, and left. Getting to work was hectic, it was freezing outside and I was getting all these looks like I was some sort of sleaze. H/n was there, in his usual hoodie and black vest. I wanted to give him a hug but didn’t in order not to cause any sort of suspicion. My shift went by pretty fast and was out the door by 7:30. I called my grandma and she informs me she’ll be there in 20 minutes. About 5 minutes into the wait I get a call back from my grandma. “Y/n, honey, the car won't start it’s frozen.” “Oh shit umm, I can see if I can find a friend close by to stay the night with, I’ll be okay.” “Okay baby, let me know when to come to get you tomorrow, I love you bye.” I hang up the phone and proceed to sit there in the snowy, cold, weather. I didn’t want to go back inside avoiding anymore looks from the customers. I had no jacket because the rush out of the house was fast-paced and my mind was only on getting to work, not a fucking jacket. I stand up and walk to the side of the store, where a big chip display and a pinecone stand right next to it. It was dry and out the way of the wind. I must’ve sat there until midnight when I heard the main doors close. H/n was closing up the store. I got up and brushed the dirt off my skirt and bumped into the chip display. Moving around the box H/n looks at me and says, “Y/n, oh my god what are you wearing, you must be so cold.” He threw down his things and ripped the hoodie right off his body. “Here,” He said handing it to me. “No, I can't, keep the hoodie, please I’m fine.” He threw the hoodie at me and looked me in the face saying, “Wear it, or else.” He walked back over and picked up his things while I was slipping the hoodie over my body, it was extremely huge on me. “Let’s go to my car.” He said marching forward. We get to his car and sit down in the cold seats. He attempted to turn the car on but it wouldn’t start. “Fuck,” He screamed, slamming his hands onto the steering wheel. After a few minutes of silence, he spoke out. “I’m going into the store, do you need anything?” “No, I'm okay, thanks though.” H/n steps out of his car. he was only in there 10 minutes before returning with a Red bull and a box of candy for me. H/n got into his car and looked at me, shivering to his bones. I start to take the hoodie off saying, “Here, you need this.” He stopped me pulling the hoodie back down to my waist. “No, I’m fine, keep it on.” “C’mon, what can I do for you to take this hoodie back, you’re freezing.” H/n put one hand on the steering wheel and suddenly put his other on my cold thigh. “Y/n, I love you, you know that,” He says slowly rubbing up and down my thigh. “Well, yeah, I love you too,” I said turning extremely red and getting super hot. “We are gonna have to sleep here, my seats lay down and we can sleep in here.” “Sure,” I said placing my hand on his. “You know, today is my birthday, did I tell you that? I’m 18 now.” He stopped rubbing my thigh and turned to look at me. “Oh really, well then.” She stopped and grabbed under my chin, bringing me into a kiss, which must've lasted 5 minutes. Letting go he latched back his seat and directed me into the back with him. I followed after.

Chapter 6:

Following him into the back seat, my face got even hotter and my body heat was radiating off of me. H/n starts laying down the seats as I lay down on the spacious floor he’s created. He lays down right next to me and places his hand back onto my thigh. We laid there for a bit and he slowly was getting closer and closer to my pussy. Stopping him in his tracks I said, “I've never done this before.” H/n slowly gets on top of me, mere inches from my face, and says, “Well how about I show you.” He starts to kiss my neck and my body as I lay there thinking, “Oh my god this is actually happening.” Slowly moving down to my legs be begins to kiss my thighs as I wriggle around from the ticklish feeling. H/n makes his way back up to eye level and begins to rub his hands on my breasts. “I’m scared,” I said looking him up and down. “you’re gonna be okay,” He said throwing his shirt off and moving his hand down to my thigh, slowly making his way up. He directed me to open my legs and he undid his belt, slowly taking out his member. At first thought I couldn’t believe this was happening, H/n and I were going to have sex. Slowly, he grabbed my legs and lifted them up, pushed together. It wasn’t a horrible pain, but once you’ve experienced it, you can never experience it again. As the sex progressed things slowed down a bit. the friction and overwhelming pleasure was too much to handle, forcing a scream out here and there. He frequently asked “Are you doing okay baby girl?” responding with an mhm between a moan. As we finished up H/n put back on his clothes and assisted in helping me clean up. I fixed my hair, wiped my face, and laid back down with him. With the hoodie still on and covered in cum. I asked, “Do you want this back now?” He giggled and said, “you can keep it.” We laid there bodies close together to keep warm from the cold. One hand behind my waist and another on my ass. “You can’t tell anyone about this, we could get transferred, or even worse, fired.” “I won’t, I promise, anything to be with you,” I said with a yawn. I wrapped my arms around his chest and buried my head into it. Falling asleep on the spot.

Chapter 7:

2 weeks have gone by and I haven’t heard from or seen H/n since the night we had sex. Getting worried, I sent him a text asking him if he was doing okay. Sent. Delivered. Read. No response. About 2 days later I was scheduled to work with him. As I walked into work I greeted him and got no response. Before leaving to go home after my shift I go up to him and ask “What the hell is wrong with you?” Still no response. It has turned out he had reported me to the Assistant Managers and broke his promise. It had been 4 days since I had found out he had reported me that I realized I loved him and felt so heartbroken. I called in to work on the days I knew he’d be there and even threw away the vape he had given me. Getting a call from work informing me that my role had been terminated and that my last check would be sent out next week. I was enraged, pissed off, and downright mad at him. He set me up to get me out of the store. I had found out from one of the coworkers that he has always talked about me on his breaks or out of work. He frequently told other coworkers that I was sleeping with the entire store and no one was brave enough to admit it. Knowing it was all a lie, I gave up. I had found myself on the lowest of lows and realized there was one thing I needed to do to end all this drama once and for all. I had tied a scarf around the doorknob of the door and had written several notes to friends and family. laying down and falling to a rest. I had felt a tight tension around my throat as I fell asleep. Sharp and endless. Drowning in self-pity. Gone.

Chapter 8:

The next day I had awoken in the hospital room, connected to wires and monitors and every machine possible. Sitting right next to me had been my grandparents and my immediate family. “Oh my goodness she finally woke up, after all this time guys, it’s been so long sweetie, how are you feeling? it’s been 4 months since we saw you, we knew at the crash you’d be a goner.” It had occurred to me that on a drive to the doctor that morning, a drunk driver had slipped on some ice and came crashing into us, putting me into a 4-month coma. “Guys, where’s F/n?” I said holding my palm to my forehead. “Who?” my grandma said rubbing my arm. “You know, my best friend? The one I’ve worked with for about 4 months now? her?” “Y/n sweetie, you haven’t had a job for about a year now, don’t you remember” I sat up in a painful but meaningful jerk. “Where’s H/n, I need to see him?” “Y/n you need to lay down and calm down.” For the next 4 waking days in the hospital, I had sat on my phone and tried to search and find these people. Nothing. I had sat and cried for the remaining 2 days left I had at the hospital. Once I had left I was on bed rest for 2 and 1/2 weeks. I finally had enough strength to ask my grandma to bring me to King Soopers. I had walked in a told them I had forgotten my name tag and needed to talk to H/n to get another one printed. Everyone looked at me like I was nuts, asking who I was and if I was lost. I had explained to them that I’d work there for 4 months and who I was. No one had a clue what I was talking about and that they had no records of me . Most importantly they had informed me that they had no worker there who went by the name of H/n. I had gone into a panic and raced out to my grandma’s car. She had brought me home. I sat and explained everything to her. He had said, “Y/n, the crash was very traumatizing for you, you were asleep for 4 months straight, and your head made up scenarios to keep you company.” She handed me a note and kissed my forehead and left. I had opened the note and it read “It was a cold, snowy day like it always is in Colorado. Off to the doctor,...” Nothing else was written. It was all a dream. I crumpled up the paper and remained laying in my bed. in a damp puddle of tears. Alone and broken.

THE END.

#smut #sex #suicide #love story #stories #work

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