last-herondale

[last-herondale]

Almost Part 9

Bucky Barnes x Femreader!

#fem reader #reader x marvel #marvel fanfic club #marvel #bucky x you #james bucky buchanan barnes #bucky fic #bucky x reader #fan fic author

[last-herondale]

Almost Part 8

Bucky Barnes x Femreader!

Warnings: none

Angst, heartbreak, healing

AN: this story is close to my heart. This whole series. I’ll go into more detail perhaps once it’s done.

Enjoy ❤️

Months had passed. The weather here in the islands was warm and tropical. You had always loved the beach. Watching the waves crash against the sand, feeling the warm beams of sun hit your face as you relaxed in a beach chair. Tony had several island houses, some remote, some really, really remote, and then there was the one you had chosen, which was completely isolated away from the rest of the world.

Tony didn’t ask questions when you came to him that early morning. You only told him that you needed to get away. Somewhere no one could find you. Somewhere you could be alone. He gave you an access card, an address, and sent you on your way in one of his private jets. The vacation house was huge, way too big for one single person, but you were not going to complain.

You spent the first few weeks in bed. Your body and soul felt absolutely exhausted. Guilt riddled your chest. You hated leaving your team like that. No explanation, no word at all. It wasn’t fair to the people who you saw as your family. But there wasn’t time to write every single one of them a note. You just left one for Steve and Nat. You left the note with Tony to give to Nat, but you left the note for Steve on your dresser.

It was short, but it was all you could muster before you chickened out. It hurt too much. Feeling like you used Steve, fighting with Bucky, and lying to yourself and everyone else that you are okay. There seemed to be very limited options as to what you could do about it without messing everything you built up. Without destroying the whole team itself, over something as trivial as your heart.

It felt like you were dying. Physically and spiritually. You took sleeping pills just to shut out everything racking in your brain. You hardly ate, even though Tony made sure to send groceries every week. No one had come to check up on you, so you assumed that Tony had made good on his promise to keep your whereabouts secret. It was strange to feel so conflicted. To want nothing more than to be alone, but also want someone to talk to.

So you opted for writing. Tony had plenty of empty journals in the house, some filled with new suit ideas or other inventions, but you found one that looked like it wouldn’t be missed and began writing. It helped. Writing down anything and everything you had been feeling when you felt it. It took a few weeks, but you finally decided to leave the house. You began taking walks, writing on the beach, reading the various books that Tony had. It was nice. It was starting to feel like a vacation.

You created a routine. You woke up early in the mornings on the weekdays, making sure to go on a long walk around the island before the sun rose. Then whenever you were ready, you went back to the house and made yourself something to eat. Sometimes it was breakfast, most times it was lunch by the time you returned. You spent your afternoons either reading or writing or sleeping. It was a bit boring and mundane, but it felt like it was exactly what you needed.

The only thing that bothered you was the zero contact. You did miss your friends. At the mark of one month of your isolation, you decided to write to Nat. You left a note for Tony, asking that he still not give out your whereabouts, but you trusted him enough to write a few letters with Nat. Nat seemed understanding, if not a bit disappointed you hadn’t gone to her first before leaving. She didn’t say anything about Steve or Bucky, although you were very careful not to ask or even hint that you wanted to know. Even though you did. Desperately.

You started writing to her every week. You thought maybe one day she would get fed up with you avoiding everything, but all Nat ever said at the end of her letters were:

“I love you. Just be careful, okay? I’ll always be here for you if you need me.”

It was everything to have her support, and Tonys. You felt as if you were finally getting better. You were finally taking care of your mental health and your feelings, rather than worry about everyone else. It was strange. It felt selfish. But you realized it was needed.

After two months, you decided you needed somewhere a bit more social to be. Tony was happy to oblige, and he and Pepper came to help you get settled into your new living space in Maui. It was smaller than the first house, much to your appreciation. Pepper and you talked for a bit, and it was nice to open up to her. She often seemed so set apart from the chaos of the tower life, so she offered her unbiased opinion.

Tony’s aim was to help you have fun again. Before he and Pepper left, he showed you his favorite spots, and ensured that the owners would take care of you, if you ever decided to enter their establishment. It was nice to be out and social again. Even just being out to dinner with the two of them livened your spirits up more than you thought it would.

That’s when you decided that it was time. You told Tony before he left, that he could share your whereabouts with the team. He had just given you a look of uncertainty, but then shrugged. You weren’t sure if he would follow through, but then Pepper put her hand on your shoulder and you knew she would take care of it.

The local city in Maui was wonderful. It wasn’t full of tourists, but it was bustling full of the locals. They were kind, and very pleasant to be around. Even if you didn’t talk to them much, it was nice to be back around people. You took up a small job, delivering merchandise for one of Tony’s recommended shops. You knew it was a small task, certainly not up to what you were capable of doing, but it kept you busy.

You still wrote daily, keeping up with your journal that was now full. Tony had gifted you a whole set, for however long you wanted to stay. You considered going home. Several times during your trip. The memories of what you left behind… who you left behind. It caused you too much pain.

The pain was ebbing, ever so slowly. The realignment, the refocusing your attention back to yourself made it easier. You realized that you deserved to put yourself first. That you needed to love yourself before you could love anyone. And so these long months have been your love letter to yourself. You followed your heart. Did what you wanted. You were honest with yourself and your needs. Things were finally becoming okay.

You felt like it was finally okay… it was finally acceptable to just be you.

A few people sent their regards. A few letters came in for you, one from Sam, Wanda, and even Scott. Nat visited you the next week Tony left. It was nice to be with her again and be able to cry and hug her. It was nice to converse and be around the people you loved. People that you had neglected in your mess. It made you feel whole again… well almost.

You missed them. Although it was hard to say their names still, you missed them both. You missed them terribly.

And like always, it seemed that the universe had a great sense of humor when it came to you. You were sorting through the mail, a normal routine you did once a week. The letters were from the usual suspects, but one name made your heart stop.

You knew it would happen. Maybe even hoped it would happen. And now it seemed that the time had finally come.

#fem reader #reader x marvel #marvel fanfic club #marvel #bucky x you #james bucky buchanan barnes #bucky fic #bucky x reader #fan fic author #healing #angst prompt #angst #alone

[last-herondale]

It's me, writer, I'm the wip you've been ignoring, speaking to you from inside your brain

listen to me writer, leave the new idea, we don't need it

come with me and write my lines, we'll uproot the plot and save some lives!

Doo-doo-da-doo, yeah

You need me, writer, your free will is an illusion!

[last-herondale]

writers and artists will go "this isn't good enough." my brother in christ, you're creating something new out of nothing and expressing yourself creatively. your productivity and unrealistic standards of perfection do not define you or the worth of your art. you're doing great.

[last-herondale]

Almost Pt. 7

Bucky Barnes x Femreader!

📝

Part 8

#fem reader #reader x marvel #marvel fanfic club #marvel #bucky x you #james bucky buchanan barnes #bucky fic #bucky x reader #fan fic author

[last-herondale]

Almost Pt. 6

Bucky Barnes x Femreader!

Bucky POV

Angst, heartbreak, love triangle

Warning: none?

AN: We had state testing this week. My brain is fried. Sorry if this is trash but it’s my trash.

Enjoy 🤘🏼

It seemed that yet again I was standing there, watching you walk away from me after I had undoubtedly broken your heart. Again.

I tried to rationalize with myself that it wasn’t my fault. That the last thing I expected to happen that night was to run into you. Of course, I had dreamed of it. Concocted ways in my head of how I could accidentally run into you, just to see you. Maybe even talk to you. The ache in my heart from missing you had become a constant hurt. I had missed you while you were away, but after seeing you kiss Steve in the kitchen…after seeing you so happy…

I knew I had to step away.

I had been doing so well. Only seeing you when only absolutely necessary. Filling more and more of my time with missions and other distractions like Nadia, who seemed content enough to spend her time with me. I knew I was using her, and I hated myself for it, but I didn’t know how to handle the alternative.There was a certain torment in knowing you were back. In knowing that you were under the same roof as me, having a life that was becoming more and more distant from mine.

After tonight, I would be surprised if you ever talked to me again. I realized instantly that there was no excuse for what I said to you. I had been taken off guard seeing you pinning Nadia to the wall. I wanted to laugh at the scene before me. The shocked look on Nadia’s face, the stern, determined look in your eyes that was immediately overshadowed by the look of pure shock as you locked eyes with me.

There were a million things I wanted to say to you at that moment. A million feelings that came to the surface, and yet like an idiot, the only emotion I could convey, the only emotion I seemed to ever convey, was anger. The moment I began opening my mouth, the moment I saw the light in your eyes die out…

I went back inside of my apartment and grabbed my jacket before stepping out again. I knew there was no chance of me sleeping tonight, not after that. So I might as well torture my body in the training room as some sort of recompence for what I did.

The training room was empty, luckily. I started with the punching bag, made extra durable by Tony, and put the rest of my stupid emotions into that bag. Punch after punch I laid all my frustrations into my fists. The rhythmic thuds were comforting as I felt my chest heave after each breath. Sweat dripped down my forehead.

The slamming of the door took me out of my zone and I jerked in the direction of the entrance to see Steve standing there in the doorway. His body seemed eerily calm, with his hands in his sweat pockets, but he had a furrowed brow as he looked at the floor. I wasn't surprised to see him. I had insulted you, in possibly the worst way I could have. If you had run to tell anyone, it would have been your… I think the ache I felt now was over the fact that it wasn’t me.

“Up late?” I asked, grabbing a towel off of the rack and wiping my face. I didn’t look at him. I couldn’t.

“Yeah, couldn’t sleep,” Steve said in a flat tone, “Then of course I heard yelling down the hallway.”

I winced. Honestly I had been surprised that no one else had come out during the altercation. The amount of people in that tower that had super hearing… I turned towards Steve, trying to fix my face into some sort of nonchalant pose. I knew he would see right through it. Part of me wanted him to see right through it.

I wish he would just come out and yell. Let his anger come out so that I could match that energy. But Steve was never the guy to throw his anger out without cause. He was patient. He was understanding. He was a good man. Everything I wasn’t. So, rather than punching me in the face, he was just standing there, waiting for me to talk.

“Sorry for waking you, it's been a weird night.”

Steve kept his eyes steady on me. I clenched my jaw.

“Look, I don’t know what she told you–” I began

“She hasn’t told me anything,” Steve said calmly, “In fact, I can’t seem to get her to leave her room to talk to me. She won’t even pick up her damn phone.”

I couldn’t hide my shock. I thought surely after the altercation you would run to the man that has been providing comfort to you for the past few months. If you hadn’t then maybe what the two of you had wasn’t as deep as I first thought…

“I heard what you said to her, Buck,” Steve said in a cold tone.

My stomach dropped at his words.

“I didn’t mean it,” I said weakly, “I know I shouldn’t have said it, but I…”

My words seemed to fail me as I sat down on a bench. A couple of moments passed, but eventually, Steve sat down beside me and sighed.

“Bucky, you need to be completely honest with me. Do you love her?”

There it was. The question I couldn’t face. The answer came so easily in my head. Of course I did. What was there not to love? How was I to admit that I was lost without you? That turning you away was the worst mistake I ever made. I couldn’t look at Steve. I couldn’t talk.

Steve sighed again. Out of the corner of my eye I could see that he was rubbing his face. He was tired and exhausted. I was hurting everyone around me.

“Stop that,” Steve said softly.

“What?” I blurted out.

“Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You don’t do yourself any favors by pushing everyone away.”

When I didn’t respond, he continued.

“I know how hard you are on yourself, especially when Nat left. I know you thought you found your person in her, and after everything you have been through you deserve to find someone who not only makes you happy, but fills your heart with so much light that it overshadows the darkness. When you were in that pit of despair, I had no idea how to get you out of it, and I felt like a failure as your best friend. But then, she showed up. She came into both of our lives like a wildfire. She brought back the light in your eyes, and reawakened your soul.”

I felt hot tears down my face, but Steve continued on.

“I won’t deny that I’ve grown feelings for her. I think seeing her love you and care for you as much as I do, makes me see her in the greatest of lights. She is worthy of so much love. I thought maybe you… I thought that maybe you would love her… I thought that was where your story was heading Buck, but you chose differently. I saw her leave my birthday party. I saw how distraught she was. I could only assume that you didn’t have feelings for her as she had for you. That’s why I… that the only way I could live with myself for… feeling these things.

“But clearly, there is something there. You avoid her now like she is the plague. You hardly talk to me anymore and we are brothers, you and I. So, Bucky, you don’t have to say it, but I know you love her. In some capacity, I know you do. You can deny it all you want, but I know you.”

Steve sighed again. “I know you think you don’t deserve to be loved. I know it’s hard for you to see the goodness in yourself, but you deserve love. You deserve to be happy. If she is what makes you happy, you need to let her know. She deserves that, doesn’t she?”

Yes, you deserve everything.

“What about you?” I asked, my voice was shaky as I spoke. I finally looked up at him and saw his expectant blue eyes waiting for me. I was surprised to see that he wasn’t angry.

Steve gave a small chuckle.

“I have never been one to deny you your happiness Bucky,” his voice turned a bit solemn, “I care about her… a lot. She is one of my best friends, and the time we have spent together has been… great. But we have been honest with each other. We both have unresolved heartaches from the past that prevent us from becoming more. She doesn’t hold it against me for still loving Peggie, and I don’t hold it against her from loving you. Maybe in time, we could become something more, but for now our hearts do not beat for each other as they should.”

“So you don’t… love her?” I asked carefully. I didn’t like that I was beginning to sound hopeful. I wanted you to be loved. I wanted you to be cared for. I thought Steve would be perfect for you… I thought there wasn’t a chance in hell that I would be able to…

“I love her, but not in the way that she clearly loves you,” Steve gave me a smirk.

“I don’t know if she does anymore. I’ve been a complete ass to her,” I mumbled, putting my head in my hands.

“Oh I know,” Steve laughed a bit but then looked at me seriously, “So what are you going to do about it?”

I raised my head out of my hands. What was I going to do about it?

“Do you really think she could love me, after everything? After tonight?” I asked pathetically.

“I think,” Steve said carefully, “That you will have to earn her trust back. It’s not about making her love you again, she loves you, has loved you through everything. You messed up, and you realize that, so you need to change. Change for her, change because of her. You already have and you haven’t realized it. Now show her. Give her back the love she gave you, and more.”

Images of you flashed through my head. Memories of you laughing with me, holding me when I was a complete mess. Memories of you consoling me, telling me that I was worthy, that I was more than I thought of myself. These memories warmed my soul, as they always did. I realized that I wanted more memories with you. I wanted to be consumed by them. Enveloped in them. I need you now more than ever. I would always need you. Always want you. Always desire you. And I needed to show you how much you meant to me.

I let out a small chuckle.

“For an old man,” I said playfully, “You are really good at giving advice.”

Steve laughed and wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

“Remind me to charge you for my services later,” he teased.

I clasped my hand on his shoulder. “Thank you Steve.”

He just gave me a hopeful look and slapped my back.

“Go get her, buddy.”

I was up and out the door before he finished the word. I didn’t know what I was doing, I didn’t know what I was going to say to you. Apologize. That's what I needed to do first. Grovel at your feet. Beg for any forgiveness you would be willing to give me. I was at your door, knocking in quick succession before I could fully think about what I wanted to say.

My chest was heaving and my palms were sweaty waiting for you. I knocked on the door again. Impatient, I put my ear against the door to listen for any sign of you. I heard the soft sound of your radio playing your favorite channel from your room, but nothing else. The sun was rising, and beams of sunlight were breaking through the windows of the tower.

It wasn’t unusual for you to be up and about early in the morning, but after the night we had, I know you didn’t get much sleep. But you wouldn’t be asleep with the radio on. You hated any sort of noise when you slept. I knocked again.

“Please open the door,” I begged.

Nothing.

A sick feeling spread through my stomach like ice. I shoved down the door in one hit. Your living room was empty, no sign of a break in or struggle, but you were nowhere in sight. I called out for you. Nothing. I scanned your apartment, looking for any sign of where you were. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, except on your nightside table there was an envelope. I approached it slowly, my hand shivering as I saw the name on the outside of the card.

Steve

#fem reader #reader x marvel #marvel fanfic club #marvel #bucky x you #james bucky buchanan barnes #bucky fic #bucky x reader #fan fic author #angst prompt #angst #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers

[last-herondale]

RIP Livvy Blackthorn you would have loved the eras tour, friendship bracelets, and Olivia Rodrigo’s music

[last-herondale]

Almost Part 5

Bucky Barnes x FemReader!

Angst, hurt, heartbreak

Warnings: cussing

AN: yall, I love this series so far. It hurts my heart but damn.

Enjoy ❤️

You had been back from your mission for about a month now. Whatever this thing was between you and Steve, was still happening. He didn’t seem to be in any rush to define the relationship, and to be honest you were in no hurry to define anything either. Having fun might have been an acceptable answer, since the two of you certainly had a lot of that since your return. But even despite the physical attraction the two of you clearly felt towards each other, there was also the emotional connection that you two had.

You were surprised to find out just how easy it was to open up to Steve. He was a great listener. You were used to being the listener in situations like these. You had been the listener for Nat whenever she needed to talk and you had been the listener for Bucky on those many nights that he needed someone to vent to. It was nice. Freeing in a way to be able to talk to Steve. He didn’t make you feel ashamed for talking about your feelings, even when those feelings sometimes drifted to his best friend.

You found yourself thinking about Bucky less and less. Not seeing him around as often also helped your heart heal. He would turn up occasionally of course, for briefings or training sessions with Sam, but other than that he had been an anomaly to see at the headquarters. Steve offered little insight into Bucky’s whereabouts, although you wouldn’t dare ask now. Since you and Steve were… together… In some capacity anyway, you did your best to refrain from talking about Bucky Barnes.

But still, your heart ached for him in ways that you couldn't understand. The ache didn’t hurt as much as it had that night on the balcony, but even now the absence of someone who you held so dearly hurt, despite yourself… You decided that it was okay to let go. You were happy being with Steve. He was what you needed and in return you wanted to be the best version of yourself to prove you were worthy of being with him. And you knew that that meant letting go of Bucky.

Of course, fate has a funny sense of humor, because as you were passing through the hallway one late night, a door opened up and a beautiful woman stepped outside. You had been in your sleep wear, a water bottle from the kitchen in your hand, and you damn near ran head first into the woman. Your training kicked in and with the sight of a stranger in the Avenger’s tower made you grab her arm and pin it behind her back. The woman let out a muffled scream and dropped her purse.

“I’m sorry! Please, don’t hurt me!” She squealed as you pinned her against the wall.

“Who are–”

Before you could finish your question, the same door burst open and out came a shirtless, wild eyed Bucky. He had a small pistol in his hand as he scanned the hallway.

“Nadia what the hell-” his words fell away as his eyes settled on you. He lowered his weapon immediately.

“James, help me,” she whimpered.

You and Bucky locked eyes for a moment and then it suddenly hit you all at once. You hadn’t realized that you had gone down the wrong hallway, and that you were in front of Bucky’s apartment. The route used to be a familiar trek for you, but now… This girl had been leaving his company in the late hours of the night…

You dropped her arm immediately and watched as she stumbled back over to Bucky.

Right. The girlfriend.

You felt your cheeks flush in embarrassment as you quickly bent down to pick up the purse and hand it to her.

“I’m sorry, I thought–”

“What the hell?” Bucky asked angrily, holding Nadia and soothing her hyperventilation.

The anger in Bucky’s voice hit a nerve with you. It didn’t make you emotional, like you thought seeing him, and his girlfriend together, would. Instead, you found yourself clenching your jaw in frustration.

“I said sorry, didn’t I?” You snapped, “Maybe next time get your girl here an escort out the door, before someone far scarier than myself finds her in the halls. I think Tony has a special pass for late night visitors.”

Nadia scoffed at the inflection of your tone, and your allusion to her being a hooker. She looked to Bucky for some sort of help, but he just stared daggers at you. You gave her slight smirk and you put your hands on your hips.

Nadia just snatched her purse from me and stormed off down the hallway. You watched as she huffed away, and you felt a small smirk creep up on your face as you turned to look at Bucky. At first, the only thing you could see on his face was anger, his face was a bit flushed and his eyebrows were furrowed. But you swore you could have seen a spark of amusement lingering in his eyes as he stared you down.

“What the hell is your problem?” he demanded, shoving his pistol in the waistband of his sweats.

“I don’t have one,” you said between your clenched teeth, “Like I said, it was an accident, I didn’t realize this was your hallway.”

He raised his eyebrows in disbelief and you just gave out an angry huff of breath. You knew it didn’t look good for you to be so cross. Just because you had bumped into the woman that he chose over you. It was crass and unprofessional… but you didn’t care.

“Whatever, I don’t have to put up with this shit,” you muttered as you turned around to leave.

A cool metal hand caught the back of your arm, not hurting you, but gripping tight enough to stop you from leaving.

“Wait, I–”

You spun around on him, anger flashing in your eyes as you faced him.

“Oh! Are you finally going to talk to me, James? Or yell at me some more for scaring your girlfriend?”

Bucky frowned at you, clearly getting worked up as you were. You knew you needed to be careful. You didn’t want to say the wrong thing in front of Bucky, but he knew exactly how to work you up into a fit.

“You haven’t exactly been a conversationalist with me either, you know,” his voice dripped with sarcasm as he spoke. “You run away for a month and a half, not telling anyone where you’re going.”

“That’s not fair, I was on a mission…”

“Don’t use that as a fucking excuse. We all go on missions, but that was different and we both know it,” Bucky snapped, his temper rising as he was losing control of himself.

“Do you know how worried I’ve been? You, Steve, and Sam disappear after the party and fuck off to some place that no one knows where? What the hell was I supposed to think when Tony said you three had a snag in the mission. I thought you were dead. All of you.”

“We were busy…”

“Oh yeah, I know. You’ve been really busy lately, haven’t you?”

You felt your blood freeze. He obviously was referring to Steve. You weren’t sure how he knew, since you and Steve had made sure not to tell anyone anything yet. You didn’t want to announce a relationship if there wasn’t one. So how did Bucky find out? Did Steve crack and tell him? Had he been lying to you?

Heat quickly found your stomach again. You clenched your fists and met his icy gaze.

“I don’t see what business of that is yours,” you said sharply.

“He’s my best friend,” Bucky said tensely.

For a moment it looked like Bucky would continue talking, but he tightened his mouth into a line and just kept a steady gaze on you. You crossed your arms, mimicking him. You felt your temper rising to dangerous levels.

“Whatever you want to say, just fucking say it.”

Bucky scoffed out a laugh. But you weren’t laughing. You took a step towards him, willing your eyes to be sharp as daggers as you stared at him

“Say it.”

You saw the fire burning in Bucky’s eyes and he clenched his jaw before opening his mouth.

“There were other ways to get back at me, you know,” Bucky said in a deadly low voice, “But fucking my best friend is an all time low.”

You flinched as if he had slapped you.

Your chest was rising and falling at a rapid pace as you tried not to cry in front of him. You wanted to yell at him, scream at him. How dare he accuse you of using Steve as a weapon against him. How dare he get mad at you for trying to move on, when he didn’t want you. Rather than curse him up and down the hallway, you just took a step back from him, feeling oddly hollow and cold.

“I didn’t know you thought so little of me,” you said in a small voice, “but I guess that checks out doesn’t it? I guess you never thought much of me… ever.”

Bucky’s anger seemed to fall away instantly. He uncrossed his arms and opened his mouth to say something, but you were gone. You were running down the hall, tears blurring your vision as you ran. You didn’t stop to listen if he was following you. You flung open your door and slammed it shut as you slid down against the door immediately. Tears poured down your face as you sobbed. You wrapped your arms around your knees, feeling like that was the only thing you could do to keep yourself together.

You sat there, the rest of the night and early into the morning feeling so empty that if a breeze were to come into the apartment, you knew you would float away. Part of you wished that you would. You wondered how many times your heart could break before it was useless. You wondered why you continued to let James Buchanan Barnes break your heart, if you really had any control over that at all. You had hoped that being with Steve would help. Maybe Bucky was right? Were you using Steve to get over him? The thought made you want to vomit.

All you could be certain of was the pain. You felt it everywhere and nowhere all at once. It lived in you. Consumed you. What you hated the most was that you couldn’t distinguish love from the pain anymore. All you knew was that whenever you thought of Bucky, the pain returned with a vengeance. Now it had settled deep in your bones and it made you want to die.

Part 6

#fem reader #reader x marvel #marvel fanfic club #marvel #bucky x you #james bucky buchanan barnes #bucky fic #bucky x reader #fan fic author

[last-herondale]

Why am I like this

[last-herondale]

Almost pt. 4

Bucky Barnes x femreader!

/ Steve Rogers x femreader!

Angst, heartbreak, fluff

Warnings: bit of swearing

AN: helloooo next part is out! I’m excited to see where this series goes!!! Honestly I love Bucky and Steve so this is fun 😆

Enjoy 🤘🏼

The physical pain took a couple of weeks to heal. Steve was a steady nurse, changing out your bandages every few hours until the cuts seemed healed. Whatever the poison was, it had done deep damage to your body. It took you a week to regain the use of your muscles. Sam checked in now and again as Steve helped you recover. He was keeping recon on the Hydra base, watching for any new movements since your blunder with the trap, but since then there had been nothing new to report. They both agreed that the mission would be on standby until you were back to full health. Steve had nearly had you shipped out back to New York to recover, but a frantic panic of yours seemed to change his mind.

While you were confined to the safehouse, Steve hardly left your side. It was nice to be taken care of for a change. It was something you weren’t used to. Something you didn’t know how to process. He was patient and kind, even though you felt that you didn’t deserve it. You had fucked up. Big time. Nearly blew the mission with your recklessness and now it was being pushed back to accommodate you. While you would have been content to wallow in your pity, Steve would not allow it.

He pushed you to do your physical therapy everyday, cooked for you, helped you in and out of the shower in the most respectful way he possibly could. He made sure you took your medicine when you needed to. He was attentive to your every need.

When you were finally able to speak clear and full sentences again, one day while he was changing out your bandages you felt a sudden burst of emotion escape your lips.

“Why are you doing this?”

Steve ignored you for a moment, finishing off the last bandage on your left arm before he finally looked up at you with an unimpressed look.

“Because you’re injured and need help, now hold still while I-“

You snatched the bandages out of his hands with your other arm and glared at him defiantly.

“Why. Are. You. Doing. This?” You asked again, your voice becoming stern.

“Doing what exactly?” Steve asked, just as irritated, “Making sure you don’t die?”

“Why are you being so… nice to me? I’ve been on missions with you before, and whenever other people get injured-“

“Are you saying I don’t help my team?” Steve challenged.

You looked him square in the eyes and set your jaw tightly. “Not like this.”

There was a flicker of movement in Steve’s mouth. You knew you had hit a nerve there. While Steve was a great leader, the best probably this world would ever see, he never was this attentive to his injured teammates. When Barton had his side blown off during Ultron’s attack, he did not play bedside nurse for him until he was better. So why here? Why now?

He must have seen that you weren’t going to give up so easily. He sighed.

“I’m doing this because of Bucky.”

You felt your chest go cold.

“He told you to—“

“He hasn’t told me to do anything.” Steve interjected quickly, almost to save himself from saying the wrong thing, “He doesn’t even know what’s happened here, no one but Tony does. No, I’m doing this because of what you did for him.”

“Then why–”

“If you’d just keep quiet for a second, I will explain!” he said, oddly flustered. You had never seen Steve Rogers, fucking Captain America, get flustered. You sat back, crossing your arms and mimicking locking your mouth. He sighed again and drew on hand through his hair.

“Look, I’m not clueless, okay? I was there when Bucky and Nat broke up. I know what he went through after that… what he turned into once she walked out of his life. And I know you and Nat are friends, and I know you might take her side on the matter, but Bucky is my best friend, okay? So I saw what went on behind the scenes too from the other side.

“Neither of them were good for each other. What they had wasn’t healthy. It was toxic and strained and fueled by lust. When that fizzled out it was bound to fall apart.”

You were surprised by the information that Steve knew. Not that you thought that he was clueless, but you didn’t think that Bucky had shared that information with him. It made you feel a bit stupid. Of course he would tell his best friend. Maybe the idea of being the only one Bucky confided in had made you feel special, but now your ego deflated a bit.

“I tried to be there for him at first. Admittedly, I know very little about relationships and breakups. I didn’t know how to be there for him, and he wasn’t going to be truthful with his feelings because that’s just Bucky, stubborn as always. So it was easy for me to tell myself that he was okay, and let him handle things the way he needed to. He has been through so much already, who was I to tell him how to live his life?

“But then you started to show up more and more and he began to get better. I couldn’t explain how or why. I thought maybe that you two had been… together as his rebound, which I now know is not the case!” Steve said a bit sheepishly.

“I didn’t do anything,” You mumbled, “I just hung out with the two of you on the weekends.”

“Cut the shit. I know you stayed with him whenever I would tap out early. I know you would go babysit him whenever he got too drunk and in his feelings to distinguish what was real or fake. You were there for him when I wasn’t. You cared for him when he wouldn’t have the decency to care for himself, and you never belittled him for it. You cannot sit there and tell me that was nothing.”

You drew your mouth into a hard line. You remained silent, and Steve just sighed again and continued on.

“Just answer me this, and answer me honestly. Do you think Bucky is a broken man?”

You froze. That was something Bucky had said that night on the balcony. “She is broken, like me.” There were a lot of words that came to mind when you thought about Bucky, but broken was never one of them.

“No,” you whispered, “He is not broken. He is hurting, and he is stupid, and he is so irritably stubborn that it drives me insane… but he isn’t broken. He thinks that there is some part of him that is irredeemable. That he doesn’t deserve good things to happen to him in his life and it breaks my heart…”

You were crying again, but you didn’t care. Trying to hold back everything you felt for so long had taken all the strength you had. And now you were the weakest you had ever been. You looked to Steve, wondering if he saw you as a crying mumbling mess, but instead he pulled you in for a gentle hug. His large muscled arms comforted you in an embrace that seemed to warm you down to your bones.

“I’m sorry,” Steve whispered, “I see how much you love him, how much you care for him. I feared that he would push that love away, that he would hurt you during his time of pain. I wish I could make him see just how special you are.”

Steve’s words hit the tender nerves of your soul and you sobbed against his shoulder. He caressed your hair and held you tighter as you shuddered and cried against him. You felt ridiculous, crying like a helpless baby, but Steve just murmured comforting words and held you securely in place.

“It hurts… I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve lost myself in him… and he doesn’t want me. It’s stupid, it's so stupid… I feel so…empty. I shouldn’t have come on this mission. I’m so…sorry Steve. I’m sorry.”

Raw emotion cut through you as you were a blubbering mess. Steve just held you through it, not judging you or reprimanding you. He was calm, he was gentle, and he was patient. He kept telling you how good you were, how big your heart was. It was strange to be in this position. To be the one being reassured, to be the one being built back up. His words calmed your soul. You don’t remember falling asleep in his arms, but you woke up with him on the couch, his arms still wrapped around you as his head was tilted back on the couch.

You watched him a bit as he slept, not daring to move or stir him awake. You felt warm and safe in his arms. It was nice. He was beautiful, that you could not deny. His features were soft and gentle in his sleep. The rising and falling of his chest was even and steady. You slowly placed your head on his chest, listening to the even beating of his heart as you let yourself fall back asleep. For the first night since you had left New York, you did not dream of James Buchanan Barnes.

~

The next morning you were up, making sure to carefully untangle yourself from Steve’s embrace. He was still asleep when you started making breakfast. It wasn’t until the bacon started sizzling in the pan that you heard him grumble from the couch and pick his head up.

“Good morning,” you greeted, a soft smile on your face.

“Morning,” Steve said as he rubbed his face, “You look better.”

“I feel great, honestly.”

You fixed him a plate of bacon, eggs, toast, and a cup of coffee as he came to sit down at the small wooden table. He gave you an awkward smile as he took a sip of his coffee. You sat down next to him, a cup of coffee in front of you and a slice of toast. The medicine that you were on made you have a low appetite, but you didn’t mind making breakfast for Steve. You thought that it was the least you could do after everything he did for you.

The two of you chatted a bit while he ate his breakfast. He updated you on the situation with Hydra. Sam was able to infiltrate the base on his own, undetected, in the middle of the night. He stole their plans to ship out large quantities of the poison that had afflicted you. The shipment was planned to ship out to the states in a months time. Steve relayed this mission to Tony who suggested sending his own bots in to take care of it. Meaning you would be going home soon.

“Thank you for taking care of me, Steve,” you said softly as he finished his meal. He gave you a soft smile and just shrugged a bit.

You took up his plate and put them in the sink and tidied the kitchen as he went to take a shower. You packed your things, folding up your gear and clothes into your small pack. Steve had done your laundry for you while you had been indisposed. You smiled. It was such a small thing, but so many small things that Steve had done for you over the past few weeks had seemed to heal you in ways that you never thought you would heal from.

You felt a warm sensation in your chest.

You heard him come out of the bathroom. He was shirtless, with a towel draped around his neck as his blonde hair still dripped. “Showers open,” he said as he stepped into the room.

You faced him, gazing at him as you watched a few drops of water fall down his chest. You felt your face grow hot, and stumbled a bit as you tried to step past him. He caught you by the elbow and pulled you up, holding you a bit close to him as he chuckled.

“How many times am I going to have to catch you before we—“

You don’t know what came over you. What made you think that this was okay? All you know is that you leaned forward and kissed Steve gently on the mouth. His eyes widened in surprise, and the shock of it made you immediately pull back.

“I’m sorry— I shouldn’t have—“

But he had put his hand under your chin. His blue eyes searched yours a moment, in an incredibly soft and tender way. It made your stomach jump the way he looked at you now. As he leaned in again, slowly, allowing you to push away at any moment you wanted, you could smell the scent of his shampoo as his lips returned to yours.

He was soft and gentle. His hand wrapped around your waist, pulling you a bit closer to him. He broke off for a second, his eyelids were half closed as he searched your face.

“Tell me to stop,” he murmured, “If you don’t want… if this isn’t something you are comfortable with…”

You raised up on your toes to reach his level and kissed him again. You let your hands wrap around his neck and tangle into his wet hair. Steve let out a pleased sound, and his strong hands lifted you from your waist and held you closer to him.

You thought that this would feel wrong. That kissing Steve would ruin everything between you. You thought maybe he would be angry with you, for kissing him after confessing your love for Bucky just the night before. But here he was, kissing you, murmuring your name as he carried you over to the bed in the room.

Had he really done all he did this week for bucky's sake? Or was there something else? Some other reason why he had been so keen on taking care of you? Your mind tried to process these questions, but the feel of Steve’s mouth on your neck quickly shoved those thoughts away.

He broke apart long enough to lock eyes with you. He was over you on the bed, his eyes a bit wild as he looked at you. Your chests heaved together, his bare and shiny from the water.

“Are you sure?” Steve asked.

The only response you gave, was a gentle nod of your head as you let your hand gently scrape down his bare chest. He gave a shaky breath and shook his head.

“You will be the death of me, you know that?”

All other conversation fell away. All other feelings and thoughts and memories disappeared. There was only you and him. And for the first time in a while, you felt whole.

Part 5

#fem reader #reader x marvel #marvel fanfic club #marvel #bucky x you #james bucky buchanan barnes #bucky fic #bucky x reader #fan fic author #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers #captain america x reader #captain america #marvel bucky barnes #angst #fluff #almost series

[last-herondale]

Almost Pt. 3

Bucky Barnes x FemReader! (Steve Rogers x Femreader!)

Angst, heartbreak, sadness

AN: Hellllooooo here is part 3! I will probably post part 4 later today. Initially it was all one piece together but I decided to break it up. This series took a turn that even I wasn’t expecting, but not to worry. It will still be a Bucky Barnes centric story 😁

Part 4

Ps. Sorry for breaking some hearts 😩

Enjoy! 🤘🏼

The last three months had been a blur. You hadn’t expected things to turn out as they had, by any means necessary. The plan was simple enough when it started. Leave town, keep busy, and try your best to not think about James Buchanan Barnes.

The first two had been easy enough to accomplish. The next mission that popped up, you were there as the first volunteer. You didn’t care about the destination. The farther away from New York the better, but anywhere was better than staying at the tower. The idea of being in such proximity to him at all times made your heart ache. The idea of being away from him hurt too, but out of the two options you decided that having some distance from it all would be the best thing for you.

So you were shipped off, along with Steve Rogers and Sam Wilson to some remote part of South America to track some reported movement of Hydra shipments. It was supposed to be a quick trip. Gather info, infiltrate the base, and destroy the cargo. Easy. Simple. 

But of course, you couldn’t be that lucky. 

You had to admit, during the mission your mindset had been a bit reckless… You were constantly itching for battle, something to do, bad people to hurt. Anything to keep your mind off of him… the memory of that night on the balcony when he had denied your heart. You felt shattered. Like a hollow shell of the person you were. You weren’t thinking clearly and you paid for it.

During the recon part of the mission, Sam was running flank around the perimeter from the sky while you and Steve scouted the area. They had gone over the plan with you at least a dozen times, and each time you assured them you knew what you needed to do. You lied and told them you were good. You were solid. And you tried to make that a reality. You tried to stay focused on the mission, but the image of Bucky’s face from that night kept interrupting your train of thought. The memories of that night and nights before. The longing, the ache from missing him… you didn’t see the trap until it was too late. 

Sharp barbed metallic wires entangled you in the thick underbrush of the jungle. The spikes wrapped themselves around you like a coiling snake, inching the thick barbs deeper into your skin. You were on the floor, a small sound of pain escaped your lips as the wire continued to tighten. Any sort of movement caused the wire to tighten even more, so you just laid there, hoping that Steve wasn’t too far behind.

Your mind thought of Bucky. You hated yourself for thinking of him now, but you did. You wished he was there. Even seeing him, hearing his voice, if this was the stupid idiotic way that you would die, at least you would have him there as you did. You felt drowsy all at once. The sky began to blur and everything began to feel fuzzy.

Poison. The barbs must have been laced with something. You felt your heart slamming against your chest as you lost the ability to scream, to talk, to cry…

Suddenly you felt the tension that was holding you release suddenly. Your body went limp on the ground as you tried to make out the shapes in the fuzzy world. You saw a figure above you, and the faint outlines of his golden hair. Steve. You felt yourself being lifted up in his strong arms. He was saying something frantically at you, but the world had just become one large echo. You tried to tell him. You used all of your strength, all of your will power to utter one word.

Poison.

The world turned black and all sense and all meaning fell away.

~

You woke up in dim lighting. Your eyelids felt as if they weighed a thousand pounds, but still you were able to finally lift them. You had been brought back to some sort of small shack. The walls were wooden and the room was dank and small. You had been sitting on a rough couch. You looked down at yourself and saw that you were covered in bandages. Anywhere that the barbs had cut into, which seemed like the majority of your skin, had been covered with heavy set bandages that had an odd smell. You wrinkled your nose and groaned when you tried to lift your arm to remove one of the bandages.

“Don’t mess with them,” Steve’s voice came from behind you, “They have a salve on them that is counteracting the poison.”

You tried to focus your eyes on him as he came to sit on the opposite side of the couch. Your vision was still a bit blurry but you could make out the angry look on his face as he looked at you. You realized that this must be one of the safe houses that Tony had set up for this mission. The realization of failure sunk deep into your soul.

“Mm ssssorry,” you mumbled. You hadn’t gained control of your speech yet and you sounded very drunk.

“What the hell happened? You should have seen that trap a mile away!” Steve said angrily. He had his arms crossed, the shape of his muscles were highlighted in his black stealth wear.

You wanted to explain. You wanted to apologize for what happened. But your mind and your body were working at two different speeds. You felt hot tears of embarrassment fall down your face. Your chest began to heave a bit. It was all too much. You were failing Steve, you had failed Bucky, and somehow in every way you felt as if you had failed yourself. Nothing was going right anymore. You didn’t know what else you could lose before completely falling apart.

Steve’s face softened as he saw you cry. Tears continued to fall down your face and broken sobs escaped your lips. He knelt down in front of you and grabbed a leftover bandage from the table and began to gently wipe your face.

“Are you in pain? What hurts?” he asked, raking his eyes over your bandaged body.

“Everything… every…thing,” you sobbed.

Steve’s eyes widened a bit. He gazed at you for a moment and gave a small sigh. You weren’t sure if he understood. That this pain went deeper than the physical nerves. You had never talked to him about your feelings for Bucky, even though he was around a lot whenever you hung out with him. You averted your gaze from him, unable to bare the weight of his soft eyes. Steve pushed a strand of hair out of your face, wiped away the rest of your tears, and gently covered your body with a blanket.

“It’ll be okay. You will get through this,” he had said as he gave you medicine for the physical pain. You instantly felt sleepy after taking it, and allowed yourself to watch as Steve walked away from the couch and began working at the small kitchen table, typing away on one of Tony’s communicators. You watched him, feeling comforted and safe, as you fell asleep.

#fem reader #reader x marvel #marvel fanfic club #marvel #bucky x you #james bucky buchanan barnes #bucky fic #bucky x reader #fan fic author #steve rogers #captain america #steve rogers x reader #angst #captain america x reader

[last-herondale]

Thank you all for reading and interacting with my work. Its sparked the writing nerve in me that has been dormant for a while.

I forget that even though I’m a teacher now, I am still a writer. So thank you.

💙

#writer problems #writers #writers on tumblr #fanfic writing #thank you

[last-herondale]

Almost Pt. 2

Bucky POV (W/ FemReader)

Angst, heartbreak, sadness

Tw: some mild curse words

AN: Hellooooo. I had an idea for a part two! Two fics in one week? Who do I think I am? 😳 anyway here is Bucky’s point of view on what happened after part one! Will link below! Maybe this will be a new series? Idk feeling ambitious 🤣

Part 1

Part 3

Enjoy 🤘🏼

It had been six weeks since Steve’s party. Six agonizing weeks of silence. Forty-two days of not hearing your voice. One thousand and eight hours of not seeing you smile at my stupid jokes. Sixty thousand, four hundred, and eighty minutes of not seeing the light dance in your eyes whenever you saw me enter the room. Three million, six hundred thousand twenty eight, and eight hundred seconds since I saw you walk away from me during that party after confessing your love for me.

You said you needed time. I respected that. I understood that.

After you bared your soul to me, I told you what I thought you needed to hear. That I wasn’t good enough for you. That you deserved better. It was difficult to stand there and see the light die from your eyes as I said these things. It was painful to see you cry, knowing that I had been the one to cause you that pain. But it was devastating for me to realize that despite how much I loved you, how much I cared for you, that the words I said were still true. Agonizingly so.

I expected that this type of honesty would destroy our friendship. Even though I still held out hope in my selfish mindset that we could continue on like we had in the past. Spending our free nights together, laughing, joking, having fun together, sharing memories, crying, hugging, everything we used to do…

But of course, those dreams had not come into fruition.

When you volunteered to be shipped out of the country for a mission the day after Steve’s party, I knew it was to get away from me. And despite my frustration and worry about you leaving on some dangerous mission without me in the state you were in, Steve assured me that you would be fine. He didn’t know the extent of what happened, but Steve being the inquisitive son of a bitch he is, he was able to connect some of the dots at least. Surprisingly he didn’t lecture or judge me. I was expecting to get an earful from him about how I treated you, led you on, and hurt your feelings, but in return I got nothing.

The mission was only supposed to last for two weeks, but as the days grew longer, the whole team was on edge when the two of you didn’t return. Steve kept communications with Tony, and he would pass along the messages to the rest of us. “They hit a snag. They are safe but they are bunking down for a bit.”

I felt like I was on pins and needles. I just needed to know you were safe, that you were okay. I must have looked worse for wear around the tower, because even Nat noticed and had a conversation with me in my room. It was a little strange. Having her back in my apartment, alone, her fiery gaze still as piercing as it was when we were together. But those feelings I held for her were gone. Something else lingered there, a fondness for the time we had, but nothing more.

I knew she was your best friend, so I assumed you told her everything about what happened at the party, but when she came into my apartment with a stern gaze on me, arms crossed and all, all she said was.

“I don’t know what happened the other night at Steve’s party, but you need to stop moping and get a grip.”

“I’m fine. Stay out of it,” I said with an icy tone.

Nat just rolled her eyes and jabbed a finger at me. “If you don’t feel anything for her, then stay away or get your shit together. She cares about you too much to walk away from you, Bucky.” Nat’s voice grew softer as she thought of you. “Whenever she comes back, and she will come back, she needs to heal. She cannot continue to be your emotional support puppet. It's draining her, James. Every time she returns from hanging out with you I see less and less of her return. She cannot continue to give you all of her heart when she is receiving none of it back.

“So for her sake, please, let her go.”

It was a hard thing to hear, but it was necessary. I stopped driving myself mad with when you would return. It was difficult, maddeningly so, but after another week I was able to distract myself enough with other things… other people. I did a few missions here and there, nothing that took me out of the country, but it filled some of the time I had to think about you.

I spent time with Nadia, the girl I had gone on a few dates with, the girl I had broken your heart over. Our relationship was purely physical. She was another distraction, someone to pass the time with. She didn’t seem to mind the distance I put between us. We weren’t exclusive by any means, and she was free to explore all of her options, but that was as far as that would go. Not that I could ever tell you this, even though I wanted to.

That was the shittiest part of it all. I missed you. Constantly. I missed talking with you about every single part of my day. I missed hearing about your day, or the silly little thoughts that swirled in your curious head. I missed spending my weekends with you, staying up until the sun rose, seeing you curled up in a ball on my couch, sleeping so peacefully. The ache in my chest never ceased, but I was able to drown away the thought of you for moments at a time.

And then you returned.

It was like a blow to the heart, seeing you standing in the kitchen, casually making yourself a bowl of cereal. Your skin seemed tanner than when you left. Clearly you had been somewhere where the sun kissed your skin for long periods of time. You looked beautiful, even just in your morning casual wear. You hadn’t noticed me yet. I was frozen in the entryway, trying to think of something intelligible to say to you, when Steve walked in through the other way. He too had not noticed me yet, his skin also sunkissed and a bit long.

I opened my mouth to speak, but before any sound could come out, I watched as my best friend slid his arms around your waist, turned you around in a swift and gentle motion, and kissed you. Ice filled my veins and it felt as if a rock had dropped in my stomach. I staggered backwards a bit, hiding myself more in the darkness of the archway as I saw the scene unfold.

Steve was kissing you. His hands were gentle around your waist, and although you were taken by surprise in the moment, you stood on your toes to be more on his level. You cupped his face and smiled. You were smiling. You looked…happy.

I slipped away back down the hallway and into my room before I could see more. The image of my best friend kissing the love of my life was burned into my mind. I sat on my bed in a disgruntled mess, fighting the strange waves of feelings that were swirling in my body.

You were finally back. You were safe. At that I was able to release the tension in my chest that I had been holding since you left. And then… Steve. What had changed during those six weeks you were gone? Was it serious? Did you love him? Did he love you? These questions paced back and forth inside of my brain until I was nearly dizzy.

It was the memory of Nat’s voice that stuck out amongst my own thoughts. “Let her go.”

You had been happy in that kitchen. Steve was a good man, too good to play with someone’s feelings if he didn’t truly feel something for them. Steve was good for you. That’s what I wanted, wasn’t it? The reason why I broke your heart in the first place? To set you free to find someone that would love you in all the ways I was incapable of doing. Why was I mad that you had done that? Why did I want to punch Steve for kissing you?

I clenched my fists as I sat on the bed. My body shook with so much emotion. In the torental storm that was my mind, I tried to focus on one memory. The only one that mattered. That night on the balcony. You had stood there, hair swirling in the breeze, more beautiful than the night sky. And you said it.

“I’m in love with you.”

The words calmed me. The memory of that night grounded me. Your tears. Your sadness. Your anger. I caused that. “I’m in love with you.” That is what you told me. And even though I wanted to scream it back, to shout it from the roof that I loved you too, instead I denied you. I threw it back in your face to save you from what I am. I hurt you, and this was my punishment. Seeing you pick up the pieces of that love that I shattered and give it to someone who would nurture that love.

I sat there thinking and thinking, until my head was pounding. I laid down on my bed, the image of you kissing someone else burning in my head.

“I’m in love with you too,” I muttered to myself.

Then, as tears began to silently fall down my face, I began to laugh.

#reader x marvel #marvel fanfic club #fan fic author #fic writing #james bucky barnes #fem reader #marvel #bucky imagine #bucky fic #bucky x female reader #bucky x y/n #bucky x you #bucky fanfic #bucky x reader #james bucky buchanan barnes #bucky barnes #heartbroken #angst #angst prompt

[last-herondale]

Almost

Bucky Barnes x FemReader!

Angst, heartbreak, longing, unrequited love

Hello! It’s been a while, but here is my Bucky fic that I promised from my poll!

The night air was cool and crisp against your skin. The wind was blowing slightly, not enough to be uncomfortable, but enough to cause stray pieces of your hair to swirl into the night as you leaned on the balcony of the Avenger’s tower. You could hear the music from the party inside, its rhythmic beat softly booming from within. It was Steve’s birthday party and it was a lively event that you, Nat, Sam, Bucky, and surprisingly Tony, had spent weeks planning. The guardians had flown in for the occasion, as well as Carol and Thor, who had Loki in tow with him. The night started off simple enough with a nice dinner at a fancy restaurant. It was just Steve, Bucky, Nat, Sam, and yourself at dinner while Tony was busy finishing the party preparations with Bruce.

You had wondered if dinner would be awkward at all. It had been 10 months since Bucky and Nat had broken up, and it had been a strenuous ordeal for the whole team. Nat had broken it off with Bucky, for personal reasons she had told you in confidence. You knew they had had problems during their relationship, problems mostly stemming from their mutual inability to be there for each other emotionally. It was a tough reality to face, for both of them. You often felt like the bridge between the two of them, being the one that both parties were able to confide in. It was hard to be impartial to either side.

On one hand, Natasha was your best friend. She had been ever since you joined the team. She had been dating Bucky when you first joined the team, and your friendship only seemed to strengthen once they broke up. You loved Nat, and treasured her friendship more than anything in the world. You were very surprised when she told you that she started seeing Bruce Banner a few months ago. Even though Bruce seemed like the opposite of Bucky, in all accounts she seemed very happy with him. And you were happy that she was happy…

But on the other hand, there was Bucky. He had been devastated by the breakup. He had wanted nothing more than to drown away his sorrows in booze and fill his nights with endless distractions. You had been very surprised when he had called you one night, asking if you wanted to hang out with him and Steve. Nat had been out with Banner that night, and the tower felt lonelier than usual, so you agreed.

The three of you had spent the night drinking and playing darts. It had been a fun night of laughter and jokes. You were almost glad to see Bucky as he once was, happy and carefree, but as the night wore on, and Steve tapped out around 4 am, it was just the two of you left at the bar. The two of you just sat at the bar, sipping the last of your drinks when you asked him how he was doing.

His facade had slipped away, the smile he had forced all night was gone, and instead he put his head down and let out violent sobs of anguish. “I miss her, god, she was…everything.”

It broke your heart to see him so miserable. You never knew he was in such a poor state. It had been 7 months since they had broken up at that point, and as far as you or Nat knew, he hadn’t seemed like he was upset about it. Why he decided to be so open in front of you… you couldn’t understand. But you comforted him, as best as you could. You stayed with him all night, agreed to take a walk with him and let him vent to you until the sun came up. When he finally passed out on your couch at the avengers tower, he woke up hours later and left without a word.

You thought that was the end of it. That it was just one drunk night that had him so emotional, but then he called again. And again. And again. Hanging out with Bucky started to become a normal part of your routine. Half of the time it was always with Steve, the three of you hanging out. But then Bucky would want to hang out with just you. Mostly you both would talk, sometimes drink, sometimes watch a movie or even sing some karaoke once the liquor started to hit. It was…nice.

You had made sure it was okay with Nat, of course. Asking her if she was bothered by you hanging out with her ex, but Nat seemed undisturbed.

“It seems like he needs a friend, and I know I haven’t been around for you a lot lately either. I’m okay with this, really. Whatever it is— and whatever it becomes.”

Despite your many assurances that nothing was going to happen between you and Bucky, Nat just brushed it off and teased you further about it. She was in a really good place with Banner and she seemed genuinely thrilled with the idea of you and Bucky becoming an item.

The idea had crossed your mind a time or two. Mostly when you were very intoxicated and alone with Bucky. It was hard not to be drawn in by the beauty of him. You’ve caught yourself staring at his arms when he was throwing darts more times than you’d care to admit, and whenever he would throw his arm around you in a fit of laughter, you couldn’t help but feel your stomach flutter.

Getting to know him on a deeper level made the idea of not wanting him even harder to deny. He was still very much hung up on Nat, that was clear, but whenever he let himself be vulnerable and he talked about his past and the things that haunted him, you couldn’t help but feel connected to him in a way that you hadn’t felt with others. Everything about him seemed to be drawing you in. It was a maddening cycle trying to stop yourself from catching feelings, but it was one you fought for the longest time.

Until tonight. The party had been the biggest eye opener to you since you started being friends with Bucky. Dinner was not an awkward affair, much to your surprise. Nat and Bucky were cordial with each other at the dinner table, even sharing a few laughs as you sat between them.

“How have you been James?” Nat asked. Bucky gave her a small smile. “I’ve been alright. I heard about you and Banner, congrats by the way.” Banner had proposed to Nat a few weeks ago. To your surprise Bucky had taken it rather well.

“Thank you, we are very happy,” Nat beamed. She gave you a quick glance and smiled. “Have you seen anyone Buck?” You opened your mouth to protest to Nat, but Bucky just laughed.

“I have been talking to someone for a little while now.”

You felt your heart drop to your stomach. This was the first you had heard of this. You kept a steady grin on your face as he continued talking. You thought you saw Nat flash you a Quick Look, but it was so fast you could have thought you had imagined it.

“Well, that’s awesome. I’m happy for you Buck,” Natasha smiled.

“Yeah, we’ve only been on a few dates but so far it’s been going well.”

The rest of the dinner felt like a strange blur. You remember sitting there, you remember eating, and you remember getting into the car to head back to the tower where the surprise party was, but any other detail of the night faded away into nothing.

Why did it bother you so much? You had no right to lay claim to all of Bucky’s attention. The two of you were friends, and nothing more. You had set that boundary yourself, for yourself to stop yourself from getting hurt. But then again, you had never gotten as close to anyone as you had with Bucky. There had been people in the past, those you thought had the potential to hold your heart, but nothing ever worked out with them.

When the party returned to the tower, an uneasiness settled deep into your stomach as people began to arrive. You tried your best to distract yourself with trivial tasks such as handing out drinks, messing with decorations, or just following Sam around and letting him talk your ear off. But as the party grew, so did the uneasy feeling in your stomach.

Who was this girl? Would she be here tonight? Would you be able to handle it if she was?

As these thoughts were swirling around your head, you decided that maybe it was time to talk to Nat about your feelings. You searched around wildly for any sign of her or Banner but came up empty. You saw Bucky momentarily, he was talking with Steve and your eyes met for a single moment but you quickly looked away. You needed air.

So, that’s when you stepped out of the party and had been hiding ever since. You sent a text to Nat to meet you outside whenever she could. You stood there a bit, swirling the drink in your hand and enjoying the breeze on your flushed cheeks. You heard the sliding door open and you turned expecting to see Nat.

“I need to talk to— oh, hey,” you caught yourself and pitched your voice higher as Bucky closed the door behind him.

“Hey, doll,” He said, his usual playful tone was a bit strained, “Everything okay?”

“Yeah,” you replied quickly, a bit too quickly, “I, uh, just needed some air.”

You moved a bit from your spot as he came to stand beside you. The smell of his cologne hit your nose as he sidled up next to you on the balcony, the leather of his jacket brushing against your arm momentarily. Your chest felt like it was contracting, being so close to him. As if the proximity alone was enough to unravel your whole being.

“How are you enjoying the party?” You choke out, refusing to look him in the eye, focusing instead on the city skyline below.

“It’s fine,” he began cautiously. It seemed, “It would be better if you would talk to me though.”

Your back stiffened at his words. You said nothing and yet he continued. “You’ve hardly said a word since dinner and we both know that isn’t normal. You didn’t even laugh when Sam made fun of Banner’s bowtie in the car.”

“Yes I did,” you said weakly.

“If you’re gonna lie to me, can you at least look me in the eyes?”

It was the brokenness in Bucky’s voice that made you turn to face him finally. His eyes were searching yours, trying to read every detail from your face. You bit your lip to keep it from trembling.

“Please, just tell me what’s wrong,” he begged quietly.

You opened your mouth, wanting to answer him, wanting to take away his discomfort at this moment, but the aching of your heart prevented words from coming out.

A choked out noise came from your lips just as the sliding door opened.

“—and I told him, I said—- oh hey!” Scott Lang said in a slur of words, having some unfamiliar guy in tow behind him.

“This are my buddies! Barnes and—“

“Leave Lang. Now.” Bucky said with icy venom.

You didn’t have to look to know that Bucky’s cold tone was enough to do the job as the door slammed shut again.

You wished you could follow Scott out of the situation, but you couldn’t. You took a deep breath, summoned your courage, and downed your drink in one fell swoop.

You shut your eyes right and clenched your jaw a moment as the liquor burned down your throat.

“I’m in love with you.”

The silence that followed there after was deafening. You opened your eyes and looked at Bucky. His expression was soft, his eyes a bit wide with the information, but there wasn’t any hint of anger or disgust.

“I…” he began, “I don’t deserve that.”

His eyes finally looked away from you, as if it was his turn to be embarrassed. His turn to feel ashamed.

“Look, you’ve been everything to me lately. You’ve put up with me when other people wouldn’t— when other people haven’t. You’ve cared for me, truly cared… and it’s lit a fire in my soul again. A fire I thought would forever be extinguished when Nat—- when we broke up.”

His eyes flickered towards you for a moment here and there. You held a steady gaze out towards the balcony, letting his words sink in as you felt your heart shudder at each word.

“I owe you more than I could ever pay back, and that’s why I know— I know I don’t deserve you.”

Suddenly your felt his bare fingers under your chin, his hand gently tilting you gaze to him. Tears fell down silently and touched his hand.

“Listen to me, okay, please,” he begged, his voice catching slightly, “I love you. Okay? I love you, I do. But you deserve more than me. You deserve someone whole, someone who has all the love you give them in turn equally back to you, and then some. I want what’s best for you, and I know deep down that I am not that.”

You did everything in your power to not turn into a whimpering mess, you held his gaze, ignoring the tears. You took a ragged breath and moved your chin enough for him to drop his hand.

“Tell me about her.”

Bucky sighed and put his hands in his pocket.

“She’s nice. Has her own issues, but she’s more like me. Broken like me.”

You nodded, wiping at your face in vain. The tears kept coming, even if you didn’t feel sad. Even though you were pissed.

“I’m happy for you,” you said as happily as possible. You took a step towards the door but he moved in front of you, gently placing his hands on your shoulders.

“Wait, please.”

You didn’t fight him. You met his gaze in defiance and you swore you could have seen a smile creep on his lips.

“There she is,” he murmured.

You couldn’t help but smile a bit at him. Even though a million emotions were running through your mind at the moment, the idea staying mad with him never stuck for long. Even now.

“I need you to know how much I care about you. I need you to understand that. If you hate me for it afterward then I can live with it,” you opened your mouth to tell him you could never hate him but he kept going as if to purposefully stop you.

“I would still be in a very dark place if it wasn’t for you. I value your life significantly more than mine. I would die for you, I would kill for you. You are everything to me and more and I am so honored to be loved by you. I treasure you, I adore you, but I am no good for you. Please understand that. You deserve so much more than I have to offer. And I would hate myself if I broke your heart. And I would. I already have. And I hate myself.”

Suprisingling the tears stopped. You looked at Bucky and studied his face. He was sincere. He was broken, that you already knew. He had more ghosts than anyone else could ever imagine, and past that haunted him daily. But he was Bucky. And he was kind and he was gentle, and he was fierce and loyal.

And you loved him.

That feeling would not easily go away, no matter how much Bucky might wish for it to. But you decided then that you would hold onto that feeling for now. Even though he warned you, had told you he did not want anything further. It would be harsh. It would be devastating. It would be soul crushing.

But it would be yours.

“I think I need some time.”

That was all you said further. His hands dropped from your shoulders and you walked back into the fray of the party. You could feel his eyes on you as you walked through the lobby. People were dancing and drinking and laughing and having a blast. You walked past them all, not paying them any mind. Nat found you, tried to talk to you but you just brushed her off as you found the elevator.

You held yourself straight. Composed. Even when the door to the elevator closed and you were alone. Even when you walked down your corridor and found your way into your dark apartment. It wasn’t until you changed from your party clothes into your sleepwear, curled up in your bed, alone in the dark, that you began to cry.

#reader x marvel #marvel fanfic club #fan fic author #fic writing #james bucky barnes #marvel #bucky x reader #winter soldier #james bucky buchanan barnes #marvel bucky barnes #unrequited love #fem reader

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100 Warm Up DnD Character Questions

If your character wasn’t an adventurer, what livelihood would they lead?

Who in the party would your character trust the most with their life?

What are your character’s core moral beliefs?

What relationship does your character have with their parents and siblings?

Does your character have any biases for or against certain races?

What is your character’s opinion on nobility? On authority?

Describe your character’s current appearance: clothes, armor, scars they’ve picked up along the journey, etc.

What location encountered in the campaign has your character felt the most “at home” in, or just generally liked the most?

What deity, if any, does your character worship? What’s their opinion on other people’s worship?

If your character had time to pick up any artisan’s tools, game set, instrument, etc., what would it be?

Describe your character’s current relationship with the player character sitting to your right.

What is your character’s current goal, summed up in one sentence?

Does your character ever want to “settle down” with a spouse, children, house, etc.?

Has your character ever been in love?

What battle in the campaign has been most memorable to your character?

If your character wasn’t whatever class they are, what would they be instead?

What is your character’s favorite season?

What would your character’s Zodiac sign be, following stereotypical astrology?

Where in the world does your character most want to visit?

What is the biggest mistake your character has ever made?

Does your character have any noticeable scars? If so, what are their stories?

What animal best represents your character?

If your character could go back in time and change one thing about their life, what would it be?

Which other player character does your character find themselves having the most in common with?

Does your character regret any particular choice the party has made?

What would your character say their best trait would be?

What is your character’s greatest fear? Deep, irrational?

What is currently motivating your character to stay with the party?

What are your character’s hobbies and interests outside of their class?

What would most people think when they first see your character?

What stereotypical group role does your character play in the party? (The Mom, the Mess, the Comic Relief, etc. Optionally: What role would your character play in the “Five Man Band” structure?)

What is your character the most insecure about?

What person does your character admire most?

What does your character admire and dislike the most about the player character sitting to your left?

Why is your character’s lowest stat their lowest (the in-character reason, not “because there’s no reason for a wizard to have 16 strength, duh”)?

What would be your character’s theme song/favorite band/favorite genre of music?

What stereotypical role would your character play in a high school AU/if they attended a normal high school? (Nerd, jock, bully, goth, etc.)

What treasure/item/artifact that your character has collected during the adventure is the most important to them?

Is there any particular weapon, item, etc. that your character longs to find?

Where does your character feel the most at home?

Does your character care about how they’re perceived by others? How do they change themselves to fit in with other people?

What does your character think is the true meaning of life?

What is your character’s scent? (Bonus points for a description that sounds like it could be from a bad [or awesome] fanfic.)

Does your character think more with their heart or their brain?

What is your character’s most recent or frequent nightmare?

What opinion does your character have on [CERTAIN ESTABLISHED GROUPS/AUTHORITIES IN THE GAME WORLD]? (Dragonmarked Houses, royal crown, etc.)

How did your character spend their childhood? Where did they grow up/who were their childhood friends?

What aspect of your character’s future are they most curious about? (If they could know one thing about the future, what would it be?)

What colors are associated with your character?

Who in the party would your character prioritize rescuing, in dire circumstances?

Is your character the most swayed by ethos, pathos, or logos?

If your character was granted a single use of Wish, what would they use it for?

What is your character’s favorite spell? If they don’t use spells: what is their favorite personal weapon/combat maneuver/skill/etc.?

How does your character feel about keeping secrets from the rest of the party?

What type of creature in the world is your character the most intrigued by?

When they were a child, what did your character want to be, or think they were going to be, when they grew up?

The player character to your left admits that they’re passionately in love with your character. How would your character respond?

If somebody (an NPC, someone from their backstory, etc.) your character trusts/loves asked your character to do something against the party’s best interest, who would they side with?

Does your character value their own best interest more than the party’s?

What decision would the party have to make in order for your character to consider splitting off from the group?

How does your character imagine the way they will die?

What is your character’s greatest achievement?

Is your character willing to risk the well-being of others in order to achieve their goal?

What is your character’s opinion on killing others?

What is your character’s favorite food? Beverage?

How generous is your character? Especially to those they don’t know?

What is your character the most envious about, regarding anyone in the party?

The player character to your left and the player character to your right are both telling your character two different versions of the truth. Who does your character believe?

What is your character’s sexuality/relationship with sex?

What is your character’s biggest pet peeve?

Describe how your character feels about the party’s current situation/objective/etc.

Who in the party would your character trust the most to keep an important secret?

If your character knew that they were going to die in a month, how would they spend the rest of their life?

What makes your character feel safe?

If your character had the chance to rename the party/give the party a name, no questions asked, what would it be?

What memory does your character want to forget the most?

If your character had to multiclass into a class they currently aren’t the next time they level up, what would it be and what reason would they have for doing so?

What television/book/video game/etc. character would your character be best friends with? (Or: what media character is your character the most influenced by/similar to?

What unusual talents does your character possess?

How does your character feel about receiving/giving orders? Are they more of a leader, or a follower?

What does your character’s name represent to them? (Or: why as a player did you choose your character’s name?)

Is your character more of an introvert, or an extrovert?

How far is your character willing to go to pursue the “greater good”? Do they believe in a greater good at all?

What does your character want to be remembered by?

What would be your character’s major in college?

Does your character consider themselves a hero, villain, or something else?

What major arcana tarot card best represents your character?

Where does your character see themselves in 20 years?

What is your character’s relationship with magic? Are they scared of it, wish to know more about it, indifferent to it?

Who is your character’s biggest rival?

What is your character’s guiltiest pleasure?

What does your character hope for the afterlife?

Who in the party does your character trust the least?

What is your character’s biggest flaw?

How did your character learn the languages that they speak?

What is your character’s favorite school of magic/type of weaponry?

What is most important to your character: health, wealth, or happiness?

What advice would your character give to a younger version of themselves?

Are there any social or political issues your character feels strongly about?

What, currently, is your character the most curious about?

taken from here courtesy of @greyjediluke

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