#you’re telling me a show that legitimately has ‘speak of the me!’ as a line of dialogue is good

[landwriter]

oooh welcome back!! <3<3

tell us something about "Skin - 05.14.23", please? 👀

Teejay!! You know this one already, so here's a little scene. Dream is deeeefinitely a legitimate lighthouse keeper.

The man is pale, with pale eyes - the first blue, Hob realizes, that he’s seen in days. But his hair is dark as wet rock, as night-calm sea, as starless sky.

“Who’re you?”

The man swallows, and Hob’s eyes drop to the bobbing of his throat, like a blind buoy. He follows the line of it back up past hairless jaw to lips, pink and fulsome as a woman’s, that open and close soundlessly. Then he speaks at last, in a low and rough voice. “Keeper.”

“Did you wash onto the beach?”

The man blinks at him.

“That was a joke.” Hob gestures at the empty kitchen. “Where are the others? Did you just come ashore?”

He says nothing, and Hob speaks again to fill the silence. “From the tender. The crew. Hell, one other man. We’re meant to have three keepers.” Baleful silence. Hob’s impatience turns to frustration. “Do they not know that Caerwyn abandoned his post? He took the bloody boat. On Sunday. I’ve sent half a dozen carriers with the news.”

“Sea eagles.”

“What.”

“Or petrels. Could have taken them.”

Sitting down heavily, Hob scrubs his hands over his face. He can feel the picture forming. “Right. So they didn’t know I’ve been up here alone, doing the work for three men. You’re only here because the first occasional didn’t show when we were sent up. Caerwyn never got to the mainland.” He pauses. “God rest his soul,” he adds, reflexively.

“God rest his soul,” echoes the new keeper.

Hob stands again to leave. He hasn’t even taken off his oilskin. “What a mess this is. Good luck you’re here. I’ll tell the captain. He can send a telegram on Lewis.”

“No. Hesperus has left.”

He stiffens and turns. “Already?”

The keeper shrugs minutely. “It was not my decision to make.”

“I was repairing the shed. I was out for no more than an hour.” Hob shakes his head. He’s no servant of the protocol himself, but Captain Muirhead had seemed to be. Took a pride in his duty. “I can’t believe I didn’t hear the whistle. You didn’t think it was strange, when nobody greeted you at the landing? The captain didn’t care to lay eyes on us?”

“The weather was turning.”

“Bugger the weather!” Hob strides over to the window and peers out for sight of the departing Hesperus, but a thick fog had indeed swallowed the leeward side of the island. He rolls his shoulders and groans. “Bugger this rock. You can take the day. Wake me tonight.”

He goes upstairs without waiting for a reply.

#wip title ask game #asks #skin #lighthouse au #the sandman #dreamling #fondly remember being obsessed with research for this for a couple weeks last spring #such a rich setting

[ceilingfan5]

@taznovembercelebration gold more band directors au.

“That’s it,” Barry says, pacing and watching the drum majors conduct from the sidelines. “We’re doing this. Excellent, excellent. This could be another year for gold.”

There’s a snort behind him, and Barry starts sweating. Or rather, sweats even harder. The mid-September sun is frying him up like a catfish in suntan lotion. He feels distinctly inedible. He tries not to turn his head, but it’s automatic. There she is, the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen, and his absolute blood-feuding rival.

“Hey, Lup,” he says congenially. “Break a bunch of legs out there. You’re next, right?” Yes, of course she is. It’s obvious. Her high schoolers are all lined up behind them, scratching their sweaty noses and looking incredibly sun-addled. Lup legitimately looks like she might bite Barry, but she smiles instead.

“Thanks, Bluejeans,” she says. “You too. Form looks good from here.” She’s looking at the sousaphones. Barry wants to evaporate and never have to speak words to a person ever again. His sousaphones are the weakest point of the band, god love ‘em, and even his intense pep-talk on the bus doesn’t seem to have helped their plodding. March, damn it. Roll step! Roll step!

“Definitely,” he replies, smiling. Sweating. God, she’s so beautiful, and she dressed up. Why does he never dress up? She looks good in slacks and a tie, fiery like her color guard’s flags and her scary-attractive personality. The trumpets hit the key-change without wimping out, and he pumps his fist in the air. “There we go! There we go! You’ve got ‘em now!”

“I gotta say, the soundtrack route looks good on you. Better than Journey last year.”

“It was a crowd pleaser,” Barry protests. “Besides, I got told I couldn’t do Green Day.”

Lup laughs, and fuck, it makes Barry weak in the knees. Or maybe that’s the sweltering weather, not a cloud in sight. He wishes he could be in the shade of the stands, even if those stadium seats hurt his ass.

“I have to admit, I would have liked to hear your band play American Idiot.” She shakes her head, her red and orange curls incredible to behold. Barry’s school doesn’t allow hair dye in the teacher dress code. Not that he’d be cool enough to pull it off. He’s had enough complaints about his mullet. “You know, after the National Anthem.”

They both snicker. It’s a charming moment of unity. At what cost? He watches the woodwinds and hopes they don’t forget how to march backwards.

“Lup,” he says, surprising himself. “I’m all for a little bit of friendly competition, but, uh, um.” Oh shit. His cowardice is showing. Abort, abort! How to backpedal now, through the fire and the trumpets? There are teenagers watching. He feels like he’s going to be hoisted up the flagpole by his underwear.

“Yeah?” She folds her arms. “What, are you gonna tell me to lay off, because you’re going to win? Because this competition is about the students, not us.”

“Of course,” Barry says, perishing right here in the grass, on a Saturday. They’ll have to scrape his melted flesh off of their marching shoes, because the show must go on. “Of course, I didn’t mean- I just- I-”

She raises an eyebrow.

“Of course you were?”

“No, of course I know it’s about the students!” A few flutists turn their heads and start gossiping behind lifted hands, giggling as he writhes here in the spotlight. “I was just going to offer to buy you a soda after your band goes!”

“Oh,” Lup says, looking quite dumbstruck. Like she marched right into a bass drum, and the bass drum won. “Why?”

“Because it’s very hot out today,” Barry says, expiring, passing away, an ex-band director. “And I don’t hate you.”

“Oh,” Lup says. “U-um. Yeah. Yeah! Yeah. Yeah. Yeah? Yeah! Yeah, you, you, you can buy me a soda. If you want. It’s your money. You can- you can make your own choices, you’re an adult! Go away!”

“What?” Barry blinks, absolutely baffled.

“Your- band is finished! Get out of here!” Lup looks like she’s going to pass out, now. “I mean- see you later!”

Barry nods, not entirely sure if that was a positive reaction or not, and jogs off to meet his band off the field. Did he win? He feels like he might have won.

#blupjeans #fan5fics #taz #tazb #taz b #taz balance #the adventure zone #the adventure zone balance

[minamorsart]

How S3EP1 foreshadowed Rinharu's conclusion in The Final Stroke part 2

This iconic scene between Haru and Rin in season 3 has always intrigued me. As a huge Star Wars fan, I personally like to refer to it as the Force Bond moment. Kyoani stop reading my diary lol.

Long read under the cut!

Without trying to look too much through the lens of my own shipping goggles, I'd like to get into what is so important about this Force Bond moment and how it pertains to one of the plot points in FS2. Ever since I watched season 3 for the first time last December, I'd been wondering what the significance of this scene was, its purpose. Indeed, it shows the unique connection that Rin and Haru have always had ― the idea that no matter where they are in the world, they are able to feel the other's presence in the water, thus it serves as a reminder to them the reason they are swimming and what to aim for.

But what else does it have to do with the two of them and swimming? It is not only that they are starting and finishing at the same time in this scene, but in my opinion it is that they are swimming freestyle specifically that is important. And now that The Final Stroke part 2 has come out, I finally understand.

"When I swim for real, it's always free."

Because this entire sequence intentionally parallels Haru and Rin as they swim, I'd like to think that even though Haru is the one who says this line, Rin shares the same sentiment.

I love that Rin specializes in two different strokes. Butterfly is the most difficult one, yet Rin chooses to swim both butterfly and freestyle. It demonstrates his strength, his dedication, and his perseverance. It's just another thing to add to the list of why I love Rin so much. It demonstrates his competitiveness, but also his selfishness. But just as I love Rin for all of his good qualities, I also love him for his flaws. He's not perfect; that's the point. That makes him relatable and someone worth rooting for.

Rin wants everything ― to excel in both strokes, to compete at the world level, to win a gold medal, to stand on the same stage as Haru, etc. He's elated when he wins and he's crushed when he loses, yet he picks himself back up and keeps trying, and part of that is thanks to Haru and vice versa.

So after watching FS1, the idea of Rin permanently dropping free was a legitimate fear that I had. Sure, if Rin stuck with butterfly, he and Haru could still do relays together, and relays have always been an important aspect of Free!, but it just wouldn't be the same if they didn't race each other in freestyle anymore. Freestyle is just one part of their friendship, their rivalry, their dynamic which is always so much fun to watch. It's something that the franchise has demonstrated over and over again, how they continue to push each other and guide each other. Racing freestyle is their thing.

FS2 erased all of my fears, but if I had only paid attention to all of the signs, then the answer would have been clear to see long before. Their race in S3EP1 is one of those signs, a seed planted, evidence that Rin and Haru are not only meant to swim together, but also evidence of one very crucial thing which can be found in this conversation/interview that the two of them have, referring to that very moment:

Rin: Haru, how’s university life for you? Have you gotten used to your team?

Haruka: I told you last time. Not much has changed. What about you?

Rin: What’s with that. You’re so cold. You never tell me anything.

Haruka: I tell you a bit. So, how are you?

Rin: ……!!!! Well, it’s moving along. Because of Mikhail’s training schedule, I’m able to keep my speed up at the end of races. But I still feel like I did my best swimming on the day I first trained with Mikhail.

Haruka: I see. Speaking of, I think the first time I swam with the Hidaka swimming club was the time I swam the most natural with the water. University pools have a different feel than high school ones.

Haru and Rin swim their best when they are swimming together. This is the message. They are better together. And it's funny because they go on to say that them swimming so well that time is probably due to the fact that swimming pools at universities have better equipment than those at high schools, but I don't think that's all of it! It is obvious that individually, Rin and Haru were aware that they felt the other's presence in the water, but I don't think they had any idea that the feeling was mutual. And of course they don't talk about it. There are a lot of things that they don't talk about, which leads to so many misunderstandings between them. Those silly fools haha. I love them dearly.

We as the audience can infer that Rin and Haru are better together from what the show has provided us, but the fact that it is explicitly stated in this conversation between the two of them, even if they were not aware of it at the time, is really, really exciting! FS2 once again reaffirms this in the night pool scene, when Haru is able to enjoy swimming again when he swims with Rin. And not only that, but two staff members who witness their race make a comment that they may have set a world record. You can read a fantastic summary of FS2 here.

FS1 set up that fear of Rin dropping free, which was cruel XD but I understand now that it had to happen. Not only for the sake of drama, but because it was one last hurdle for Rin and Haru to overcome. They needed that conflict so that they could finally be on the same page and take the next step forward into their relationship. However one may view said relationship, whether platonically or romantically, there is no doubt that them swimming together was one of the critical issues addressed in part 2, and that they really are better together.

Since I have not seen part 2 yet and all of my knowledge comes from reading the graciously provided spoilers on the internet, there may be more to Rin and Haru's relationship that the movie touched on that I am not aware of. I didn't really get into Rin and Haru's characters and the nuances and complexities they have as individuals, but those are very important as well. And there are plenty of seeds scattered throughout the franchise hinting at their true potential together that I haven't mentioned either! But the Force Bond moment is one that really hits home for me. I don't know if something like that will ever happen again, but it still amazes me that it actually exists. It still amazes me that FS2 exists in all honesty!

Whatever the future holds for the Free! franchise, whether or not we will get to witness Haru and Rin pursue their dream in the world together, I still would love to see how their relationship will play out going forward. I want to see them cheer each other on and fire each other up. I want to see them have their fun banter and tease each other. I want to see them have their silly competitions where suddenly nothing else matters and it's just the two of them in their own little world, while their friends watch in exasperation lol.

But most of all, if there are any more hurdles that come their way, I want to see them overcome them together. I think at this point it's safe to say that they are on their way to being fully committed to each other, if they aren't already. It doesn't mean that there aren't going to be any hardships, that it's always going to be sunshine and rainbows, and that's okay. Relationships take work and they take compromise, but that's what I love about Rin and Haru. Their love and hate, push and pull, on and off again relationship, the amount of time they go without seeing each other, the long distance between them, is so compelling because it's so realistic. And I especially love that even though they 100% fit the trope of opposites attract, that's not all that defines them. They are so much more. They are wonderful people on their own, but they are also better together.

Rin and Haru have a really unique bond that has had me hooked ever since the beginning. I genuinely think they are soulmates, for soulmates come in all forms, whether it's your close friend, family member, or romantic partner. And it seriously feels SO good for a pairing I love to be explicitly validated in canon. Not a single one of my other favorite pairings have been validated to the extent that these two have. I'll love Rin and Haru forever ❤️💙

P.S. "Pretty" by Astrid S & Dagny is such a rinharu song. It fits them so perfectly I can't believe it ;_;

#rin matsuoka #haruka nanase #rinharu #harurin #sharkbait #free! #free! dive to the future #free! the final stroke #free! the final stroke spoilers #free! fs #free! fs spoilers #spoilers #writing #meta

[hyunjinspark]

first of all, tysm jade for blessing us with 40k of your beautiful writing, u deserve all the forehead kisses 🫶🏼🫶🏼 also reading this whilst listening to the playlist >>>

3racha are absolute sweethearts i adore them !!!! it’s so interesting seeing a glimpse of hyunjin’s life in seoul, even if it’s not under the best circumstances

“you’re a lot of things hyunjin but i know you’re not selfish” every word that comes out of this man’s mouth make me wanna punch him more. honestly fuck him. can’t begin to imagine how difficult it was for hyunjin to even consider going home, given the love he has for the others + the group’s rising fame. knowing the emotional toll ect makes it so much more heartbreaking when he said he feels like the most selfish person in the world

“i didn’t come here to make people fall in love with me” “i assume that’s quite impossible” okay but did he lie ? “you didn’t let anything happen in seoul maybe it’s time you did in daejon” HAN JISUNG HAVE I MENTIONED THAT I LOVE YOU

“the purple cans had now been lined up before the blue, blending so seamlessly and so beautifully” “whoever did this had an eye for detail and beauty, two of hyunjin’s favourite things” i can’t remember who exactly, but someone said yn’s soulmate would probably spend their time rearranging paint with her. this section is so cute bc it really does show how similar they are + i’m literally giggling and kicking my feet that the purple paint, something that no one else gave a shit about, was one of their first ‘bonding’ moments. idk but after seeing their relationship develop/seeing how many things they have in common, it just makes me so happy reading about the purple paint through hyunjin’s pov and knowing that it meant a lot to him too 🥹

“…someone might know him. right now he wondered if you did” HWANG HYUNJIN RIGHT NOW THE ONLY THING IM WONDERING IS IF YOU REMEMBER HER FROM THAT SUMMER

“maybe hyunjin would make a point to only show for art on the days that you were there” i’m clawing at the walls as we speak 😭 glad to know he was smitten from day one

“one day hyunjin could convince himself that it was the watercolours he really went back for instead of you” YOURE TELLING ME THEY BOTH FELL THIS HARD ON DAY ONE ??? IM ACTUALLY UNWELL WTF WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS ???? if i find out that hyunjin actually remembers her from that summer there’s no way i will survive. like,,,.. that would legitimately be the end of me

“hyunjin turned away immediately not wanting to see a potential kiss” jade i’m not even a quarter through but the number of times i’ve had to physically move away from the screen so i can keep intact whatever shred of sanity i have left is unreal. and i’m not even exaggerating bc how am i meant to live my life knowing that they both had the same reaction at the thought of the other person kissing someone else ? yn walking out with the watercolours and hyunjin overthinking if he should offer to walk her home, they’re the definition of soulmates 🥲

“lover. it sparkled every time the light reflected off it, and it was so transient. with every little movement hyunjin made, the word would disappear and reappear” pls have some respect for my sanity 😐 TAYLOR WROTE LOVER FOR THEM !!! it’s true she told me herself, taking this as a sign that they’ll always be this close forever and ever 🙏🏽✨💫

“you wish hyunjin could let himself love you. but some wishes were impossible” i see that during the time you’ve been away, you’ve perfected the angst so it crushes your soul…..,,.

“took up all the space in your hands just like he did in your heart” this is fine :) i am completely normal about this :))) i think i need to stop commenting on every line that makes me want to eat glass, both for the sake of my mental health and also bc otherwise i’ll be here all night 😭

“no farewell kisses i might throw up” “you were eyefucking each other while you ate the cherry slushie so you’ve ruined slushies for me forever” lee minho is a menace to society and i love him for that

“hyunjin had been holding it the rest of the evening which meant it would smell like him, and maybe you should keep it in your bed for that reason” I- MY GIRL IS INSANE BUT ALSO,,,,, UNDERSTANDABLE AJDHSJKSK

“why would hyunjin ever choose to stay with you? everyone was stopping you from being with him at this point and maybe you shouldn’t fight it” i need yn to get that internship and move to the city with hyunjin, she deserves a BREAK !

“you still didn’t know what love was and you’d never experienced it like that but this was obviously it. how could it not be” 🥲🥲 AND WHEN SHE DRAWS SOMETHING RELATED TO LOVE BC SHE NOW KNOWS WHAT IT FEELS LIKE 😭

i’m not even going to mention the mirror selfie….. but also like,,,.. thank u for that image. thinking many thoughts 🫠

“you can be grateful for something and still call it out for its bullshit” LOUDER YN ❗️❗️

“want me to send it to you” HWANG HYUNJIN IS A MENACE

“you say goodbye to all your friends like that” “no just you” wow i’ve missed hyunyn calling me single in every language 😍

YEONJUN !!!!! CHOI YEONJUN I WOULD MOVE MOUNTAINS FOR U JUST SAY THE WORD !! i’m so scared for the confrontation between him and hana, yeonjun my love you deserve the world

“he wouldn’t risk all of the important things in life just for someone like me” OMG YN YOURE IMPORTANT TO HIM TOO 😭😭 PLS GET THAT THROUGH YOUR HEAD THAT MAN WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR U

every chapter i think to myself there’s no way i can hate hana more but every time she proves me wrong 😐 girl acting like they were engaged when in reality she asked him out mainly to get over yeonjun…. PLS GIVE MY GIRL YN A BREAK 😭 that scene was so tense and well written. even though yn hates confrontation, you could feel all the things she’s been stifling for so long slowly start reaching its breaking point. i’m anticipating the day she says fuck it and goes off on hana

“when you’re hurt i literally cannot function” why would you write this i have problems at home 😐

“you’re staring at me” “you look like you belong in that painting” 🤭🥰🫠

“you weren’t sure about drowning in moonlight but you definitely were drowning in him” you have no idea how much i’ve missed your incredible writing 😭😭💗

“i changed you tangibly even if only temporarily” jade this entire section is so beautiful and thought provoking. i need to find a way to inject the words into my bloodstream

“you dragged his fingers up your thighs” ALFBAKJDNELSJDK THE SCREECH I LET OUT WAS NOT HUMAN YN IS BOLD

“i think the way that you think is beautiful” “i think the same about you” and i think the same about YOU. your writing is just so comforting and beautiful and it feels like a warm hug. sometimes i’m still thinking about a certain sentence you wrote even days later bc it changed the way i think about something. not even exaggerating but you truly have a gift, thank you for sharing it with us ❤️

“it makes your chest wrench and gut hurt but you still like it” me when i read slwy

“if someone goes through your sketchbook it’s almost like picking a the parts of your brain…” see this is exactly what i meant !! this paragraph is going to live rent free in my mind for the next two weeks

“i’ve already done every everything on here” “you’re right but you haven’t done it with me” i’m convinced this man stepped straight out of a romance novel there’s no way someone can be this perfect

HE CALLED HER BABY 🤭🤭

ahhhh okay the purple motif makes me so happy for some reason !! the paint, the balloons, hyunjin’s scrunchie and now yn’s blanket !! it’s so cute 🥰

“i could never be tired of you or anything that you do” dude where’s the love of my life 😔

“what do i have to do? just sit and look pretty” “you wouldn’t have to try too hard” STOP HOW ARE THEY SO ADORABLE 🥹

hwang hyunjin you are literally the sweetest person in the world how can a person be this perfect HE HAS A LIST OF THINGS THAT MAKE HER HAPPY NO ONE FUCKING TOUCH ME IM SO UPSET RN 😭😭 “making you happy is what makes me the happiest” “you’ll be the main thing on it” i’m this 🤏 close to launching myself into the sun

“i’m sorry that you have to eventually fall in love with someone else because i can never be yours” this entire chapter is just me switching between smiling so wide and then holding back tears two lines later

“you were the worse friend in the world to hana” yn my love you got it the wrong way round. manifesting yn going off on hana and yongbok for treating her like their doormat 🔮✨💫🙏🏽

…….. i want you to know that phone sex scene was the hottest thing i’ve ever read and that you’re officially invited to my funeral

nooo yeonjun my poor baby 😭 hana doesn’t deserve him AT ALL also lix being vvvv cryptic wonder what he has to say 👀 but if it’s anything like the conversation between her and hana, best believe i’ll find a way to transport myself to daejon. defending yn in your asks isn’t enough i need a gun

JADE ILY BUT WHAT WAS THAT CLIFFHANGER ????? HYUNJIN GOING BACK TO SEOUL ❔😭💔

ahhh okay this took wayyy longer to read than expected but i’m not complaining i’ve missed slwy so much 😭 thank you for yet another masterpiece !!! this is my favourite chapter so far (but this will likely change when u outdo yourself with the next update ofc) the little loopholes hyunyn find are so cute but also heartbreaking 🥲 i’m vvv excited for them doing activities from the bucket list it’s so cute hyunjin is so endearing 😭💗 but anyway thank you again for another beautiful chapter ily 💗✨

- 🎐

hi my love. i look forward to your reviews and thoughts so much. you always make me laugh and i love seeing you quote your favorite bits. its so satisfying to see you do that, so thank you again for providing me with this 🥺

ill answer under the cut, since its pretty long already ~

im so glad you like the glimpse of hyun’s life, before we go full frontal into his world i wanted yo incorporate parts of it while hes still in daejon, so we see where hes coming from. the context of this scene definitely puts the whole selfish statement into a new perspective 😖

it was yeonjun who said that to yn! he definitely knew what he was talking about ! soulmate behaviour fr fr.

the parallel/ of turning away before hyun can see a kiss/ making you lose your mind has me giggling.

taylor did write it for them, thank you for informing me so glad i know. the ost of slwy. 😚

SHE MAY INDEED draw something about love,,, im so taken aback that you remember all the little details from previous chapters, you make me so proud hahah.

the mirror selfie i would say is very 🤳 similar to this one picture, just a different outfit ^^

and please do inject that pool section into your bloodstream, its one of my favorite conversations to write as well ;-; the fact that you think about parts of my story well after the chapter has me screaming. thank you for appreciating it so much.

all of your little reactions make me laugh so much. i love how destructive you are please like its concerning and endearing in the best way 😅

please stay excited ! i cant wait to share the next part with you.

#star lost with you #🎐anon

[bfxenon]

12 Local Search Developments You Need to Know About from Q2 2023

Greetings, local business owners and marketers! I know I’m not alone in bidding a fond farewell to Local U’s fantastic Last Week in Local Series. It just got a bit harder to keep up with local SEO news due to this departure, but hang in there. This quarterly installment here at Moz will keep you up-to-date with the most important local search developments of the past three months. Let’s dive right into this summery swimming pool of changes and opportunities!

1. A first peek at local search in Google’s SGE

I was graciously invited to access Google Search Labs, and you can read my live-tweeted thread on my first look at Google’s test of their new Search Generative Experience. My first takeaways include:

A thumbs up on local searches, including a 5-pack of results but a thumbs down that the SGE pack does not click to anything else. No Local Finder for more results, meaning if your first five options are unhelpful, not to your liking, or even spam, you have to ask another question to see more options.

Some UX problems, like the map disappearing as soon as you click on any of the SGE pack results, meaning you can’t look at it again to see what the next-closest option might be, as well as formatting errors of the Google Business Profile overlapping the results as you toggle about within the experience, like this:

The interesting realization that once you are having a conversation, SGE remembers what you are talking about. In other words, if you search for “best tacos in san francisco” and then you follow up with something like “who has organic tacos?”, the bot still “knows” you are talking about San Francisco, even though you didn’t repeat the city name in your query. This is a quality of these chatty experiences that feels really novel to me.

An overall impression of this being even more of a closed loop/walled garden than the interfaces to which we’ve long been accustomed in local. Once inside this feature, you just stay inside it, which may be good for Google, but may not actually be best for users. Time will tell.

And as time is telling and you are waiting in line to get into SGE for your own look, I recommend reading:

Google SGE: Meet the New Pack by Greg Sterling

How Google’s New AI Impacts Local Search by Joy Hawkins

Cool heads in the industry are refusing to give into the whole “SEO is dead thing” about AI, and I think local SEOs will be able to work with the SGE packs, should they roll out. My word to the wise local business owners out there: remember that not being robots may be your greatest asset. Even if automation brings customers to you via search/AI chat/SGE, polls consistently show that consumers shop locally for personalized service, and you can’t bot that.

2) Finalmente! A dedicated Google form for recovering missing reviews

Have you noticed an uptick in your Google Business Profile reviews disappearing since 2022? You’re not alone; experienced local SEOs like Mike Blumenthal have been reporting a high instance of legitimate review loss ever since Google switched to an AI-based review filter last year. The good news is, you can now follow along with Mike’s excellent tutorial for reporting missing reviews via a welcome new process.

Your workflow will start here and then continue through a series of steps that will hopefully result in your reviews being restored (no guarantees, of course!) As Mike points out, this development is an improvement, but the overall process is still rather onerous for business owners. I think AI-induced headaches should come with a bottle of AI-spirin for all users, especially when they involve reviews, due to the massive impact of this content on reputation, rankings and revenue.

3) Speaking of reviews, don’t acquire them via donations

It’s always helpful when Google clarifies a grey area of their guidelines, and thanks to Joy Hawkins’ personal outreach, we now know that your local business should not ask for a review after giving a donation to a third party. In other words, if your grocery store donates $100 to the local no-kill animal shelter, Google says you must not ask them to “pay you back” with a review.

A much better idea is to view these philanthropic endeavors as a source of linked unstructured citations, of the kind picture above. It’s good business to be listed as a sponsor of local teams, events, and organizations, and it fits in very nicely with the “Authoritativeness” factor of Google’s E-E-A-T concept, with trusted local sites linking to and citing your company.

4) Video: the long and short of it

Kudos to Andy Simpson for demoing this budget hack for using animation effects to turn local business photos into short videos. Videos are very hot in local right now, but the “short” part has been a cause of some recent puzzlement and parlaying.

Google’s guidelines for adding video to your GBPs state that your films should be 30 seconds long. However, experimentation by Darren Shaw indicates that it may actually be file size, not video length, which affects inclusion of your videos on your listings:

Note that, technically, videos over 30 seconds in length don’t meet the guidelines, but the worst thing that can happen to your business if you try for a longer length is that it won’t be approved. Could be worth a try, but safest best would be to film a 30-second version of your content, as well, just to be sure it has sticking power. Google definitely has its eye on video right now, and has launched YouTube shorts, which many see as a response to the TikTok phenomenon. Local businesses in competitive markets can easily film and upload to their GBPs dozens of aspects of their business premises, staff, inventory, community involvement and more!

5) Yes, that text could be from Google

Thanks to Molly Youngblood, we have the above screenshot of Google texting a business owner to verify some of their information, and Barry Schwartz lent a hand by confirming that text-based fact-checking communications are now, indeed, coming from Google. But please be careful with this. As Barry warns:

“ Google will never ask you to sign up for a service, make a payment, or provide sensitive personal information via calls or texts. Google will only text from phone numbers listed on this help page. Also if you want, you can opt-out by responding STOP to those messages (more on that here).”

6) Speaking of communications, how about chatting with a live agent?

Joy Hawkins tweeted this capture of a Google Business Profile featuring a CTA to chat with a live agent and Joel Headley stepped up to explain that this catchy feature stems from Google BusinessMessages. Then, Aaron Weiche mentioned that if you’re using a third-party service like Leadferno to manage messaging, get in touch with them to coordinate making this appear on your listing. Any way you can be more accessible to your customers is worth investigating!

7) A mobile grid test packed with local results

This screenshot from a gentleman named Brandon (click to watch video capture) formed the basis of a blog post from Barry Schwartz in which he marveled at just how much local information is packed into this mobile grid display test. As we know, Google is always testing things and it’s honestly hard to know if you’ve seen a particular experiment before or if it’s truly new. This instance is certainly dense with local business results, to the point that I wonder how effectively users can navigate it. And, of course, I am really wondering where all this is headed if SGE rolls out to everyone’s phones.

8) Google Maps services button gets the spotlight

Allie Margeson has sharp eyes to have caught this slight but significant change in the ordering of CTA buttons on some maps listings, with the “services” button appearing to the left of the “call” button. When clicked on, that button can take your customers to a wealth of information about your business, if you’ve taken the time to provide it. Allie recommends:

Adding all your services with descriptions to your Google Business Profile

Adding any relevant predefined services Google suggests (remember, Joy Hawkins found these can impact rankings)

Adding all relevant categories to your listing so that you are offered as many predefined services as possible

Check back often to see if new services become available to you, or if any of your current ones have become outdated

Good advice!

9) A quick competitive analysis tip

There are many ways to suss out the businesses Google regards as your local competitors, including via the lengthy and thorough process of a formal audit, but for some very quick ideas, I think Mordy Oberstein’s tip is excellent.

If your Google Business Profile includes an “Often Searched Together” section, it’s inside information about what Google knows customers in your area are actually doing with search. If you click on this element, you will be taken to the local finder, with a “People also search for” heading (and you can see some debate in the Twitter thread over whether this is a re-branded People Also Asked segment):

Chances are, you should take a look at the businesses that come up in the format and study their marketing, SEO, and basic business operations, because you know your own customers are seeing them, too.

10) A bothersome Google Updates bug

In the real world, bugs are wonderful and support life on Earth in numerous ways and are never larger than your town, but in the Google world, a bug is no fun at all. Mike Blumenthal reported a bug in mid-May that caused listing owners to be unable to edit or remove their Google Updates (formerly known as Google Posts). This may have been confined to desktop devices because some respondents to his thread found a workaround in using their mobile phones to manage their updates. If you had trouble with a typo in a post that you couldn’t correct last month, try again. The bug appears to have been resolved.

And here’s hoping that Google again re-brands this useful feature with a little more thoughtfulness, because “updating” your “updates” is just a silly thing to have to say or contemplate. I don’t understand what the problem was with “posts”.

11) A confirmation that hiding your GBP address results in negative consequences

Anyone who has been reading my Moz column for any part of the past 12 years knows that I am a firm advocate of following the Guidelines for representing your business on Google when listing yourself in Google’s local product. Even when the guidelines don’t make good horse sense, I still advise sticking to them. But there is one instance of this in which Google makes it so very hard to go along with their thinking: the edict that home-based businesses should hide their addresses. Google says this of home-based service area business:

Watch this video and read this post to see how Joy Hawkins and her team at SterlingSky tested hiding the address for home-based businesses and confirmed that:

This resulted in a massive drop in local rankings

Which, of course, led to a significant drop in phone calls to the business

And it even made a local pack completely disappear until Joy’s agency added the address back in!

It’s long been speculated that compliance with Google’s ruling on this negatively impacts visibility, and this is doubtless why so many business owners list their addresses and hope not to be caught at it.

There is no good reason I can think of for Google to put home-based businesses at a disadvantage like this. I’d like to ask:

Why should the plumber, the landscaper, the mobile auto repair specialist, the contractor, the mobile notary public, the therapist, the dog walker, and all the other small business professionals who are counted upon by whole communities be punished with lower rankings for adhering to Google’s guidelines?

Why do these helpful businesses deserve less visibility and fewer phone calls if they operate from home instead of an office? This is a senseless bias on Google’s part.

Where is the awareness from Google that the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic has caused a mass transition to working from home for safety’s sake? Why have the guidelines not been updated to reflect this world-changing reality that is very much still affecting both business owners and customers? This lack of currentness makes the guidelines feel as neglected as a GBP with a Christmas tree as its profile pic in July. Ignoring the real-world impacts of the pandemic doesn’t make them go away.

How is it a better user experience for no local pack to show for queries if, as in Joy’s test, an address is hidden? How are towns better-resourced and better served by not being shown a list of local service providers?

And, finally, what is the logic behind making any business hide its address in the first place? All of us have needed to hire an emergency plumber, locksmith, or towing service at some point, and we definitely want to see the addresses of the providers so that a) we can estimate how quickly the pros can get to us and b) we won’t be charged extra for them having to come a long way to our house or remote location. When we need help, we don’t care if the helper is coming from their living room or their office, but we do want to know exactly where they’re located so that we can make the most informed decision.

I’d urge Google to reconsider this section of their policy. It doesn’t match today’s reality of so many helpful folks working from home, and it just doesn’t feel right that compliance with the guidelines results in such negative consequences for both providers and customers. 

12) A local session with an adept

While this isn’t an update, per se, I want to invite you to spend eight minutes today watching Darren Shaw audit a Google Business Profile and website. If you’re just getting started with local search marketing, this short video will teach you a ton, and even if you’re more experienced, it’s a good thing to watch a recognized pro at work. As I mentioned to Darren:

And thank you, Darren, and all of the local SEOs featured in today’s column, for the daily work you put in, sharing your findings with the community. Q2 has had some of the usual glitches and tests, but it also bears signs of significant potential change ahead. Let’s all keep learning together!

We hope you’re as excited as we are for August 7th and 8th to hurry up and get here. And again, if you haven’t grabbed your ticket yet and need help making a case we have a handy template to convince your boss!

Night Owl pricing is on through Jun 30th.

Register for MozCon

[mikkelsenqhvsvenstrup]

Lawyers - What to Look For For all those Seeking a Lawyer

Searching for an Attorney What is a win inside of Canadian law? That could be a reduced sentence, bail discharge, time served included in sentencing, serving time on weekends, in addition to plea bargaining. It can also mean being found innocent of wrongful charges. When your own future is with stake, using a good Canadian lawyer to be able to represent you against the crown's fees or even a suit delivered against you, may mean saving the life. Should you have already been charged and unprepared, you may think that the court appointed lawyer might end up being good enough. With regard to suits that involve relatively low money amounts, such portrayal might suffice. If you're charged with the DUI offense or assault charge, dealing with a divorce, or have been terminated for no just cause, the outcomes of your verdict in opposition to you could be ruinous. An individual need to carry your time and efforts and find a lawyer who can present your circumstance clearly and convincingly. If you have got a legal concern, you might always be tempted to check online where you may find legal companies that use a a single 800 line comparable to those used by sex talk traces. This is almost certainly not a very good idea. The suggestions you receive could send you off on the wrong tangent with contact using shady legal support providers. You need the lead to converse with a real legal professional. Most services can want to acquire some info about your case, so don't be shy about telling them. You're probably in a rush, nevertheless when speaking to an attorney, there are generally key things you need to cover. Should you be fighting criminal costs, or are endangered using the loss regarding your drivers license and being fired from your job, it feels right to seem for a trustworthy legal referral assistance. The cost might always be higher, but this specific is no time frame to visit bargain searching. You receive the support purchase, so free could be the last solution you need. Hiring a Lawyer Once you have been charged by police, you have to not say anything more than you would like in order to consult your legal professional. Remember that anything a person say to be used against you. It's standard practice so don't doubt it. A person could end up being your own personal most severe witness. Prosecutors can interpret your words any which approach when you're within court. You'll end up being horrified when your current own words finish up convicting you. Hiring a legal professional early in the action against a person can affect if the criminal charge will be laid, whether you could achieve bail or a release pending typically the completion of typically the case against you, the quantity and quality of data collected by the particular police, and typically the quality of protection strategies you could use. When you set travel over a particular legal defense, it may well be impossible to change. Your bail reading is particularly important. In case you are held throughout custody, it will have not any way for you to help in accumulating evidence and account to exonerate you. It won't acquire long for you to discover whether a lawyer can easily and will represent you well. Some of things will need to consider are usually: > Performs this lawyer practice this specific type of legitimate case you encounter? > Precisely what is his expertise and background in this particular area? > What legal resources does this particular lawyer have access to? > Does the lawyer show/explain he features listened to you and understands your case and questions? > Has your current lawyer discussed the prices against you along with you? > Offers your lawyer reviewed how the criminal justice system operates? > Offers your lawyer discussed what he dreams to do intended for me and our case? > Will this lawyer keep you educated of what is definitely and has taken place? > Gets the lawyer discussed payment structures and just how your fee is going to be calculated? > After discussing the case, body confident of this specific lawyer? > Are these claims lawyer genuinely enthusiastic about representing a person? > Can easily you reach this lawyers easily or even is he constantly busy?

A couple of businesses have created a lawyer review process yet rating lawyers proficiency is difficult plus sometimes not done in an objective method. An attorney with a good winning report with few challenging situations to handle in his cases may get a good rating, while others who may have handle really difficult cases might get a lesser ranking. The human factor always comes in to play in examining a lawyer. Ultimately, the thing you need is a reliable lawyer referral support that takes care to contact and even work with good quality lawyers together with particular expertise plus specialization within the legitimate areas that you will be involved in. When some sort of referral service displays its in-depth network to particular legislation firms, it is a good indication of integrity. These firms might have a website with info on them that allows understand your condition and show they may have the resources, understanding and experience that will help you.

#Car Accident Lawyer

[willifordkbkmccormick]

Attorneys - What to be able to Look For When You're Seeking a Lawyer

Searching for a Lawyer Just what win found in Canadian law? That could be a lower sentence, bail launch, time served contained in sentencing, serving moment on weekends, in addition to plea bargaining. It may also mean being identified innocent of wrongful charges. When your future is in stake, possessing a good Canadian lawyer to represent you in opposition to the crown's charges or perhaps a suit produced against you, could mean saving your life. When you've recently been charged and unsuspecting, you may believe a court designated lawyer might become good enough. For suits that require relatively low money amounts, such rendering might suffice. In case you are charged with some sort of DUI offense or perhaps assault charge, facing a divorce, or even have been fired for no just cause, the outcomes of your verdict towards you might be ruinous. A person need to get your time and efforts and come across a lawyer who are able to present your circumstance clearly and sure. If you have a legal matter, you might always be tempted to check on the web where you can find legal sites involving a a single 800 line comparable to those utilized by sex talk outlines. This is probably not a great idea. The guidance you get could give you off on the subject of the wrong tangent with contact along with shady legal service providers. You should get some sort of lead to speak to a real lawyer. Visit website can want to acquire some info about your current case, so no longer be shy concerning telling them. If you're probably in a rush, yet when speaking to be able to an attorney, there are really key things you will need to cover. Should you be fighting criminal fees, or are endangered together with the loss regarding your drivers permit and being terminated from your work, it makes sense to look for a reliable legal referral services. The purchase price might be higher, but this specific is no time frame to look bargain hunting. You obtain the service spend on, so free of charge might be the last solution you desire. Hiring a Lawyer After you've been charged by simply police, you should not say anything more than you would like to be able to confer with your lawyer. Remember that anything a person say will be used in opposition to you. It's standard practice so don't doubt it. An individual could end way up being your own personal most detrimental witness. Prosecutors could interpret your words and phrases any which method when you're within court. You'll end up being horrified when your own words finish up convicting a person. Hiring a lawyer early in the action against a person can affect if the criminal charge will probably be laid, whether you are able to achieve bail or possibly a release pending the completion of typically the case against an individual, the quantity in addition to quality of proof collected by the police, and typically the quality of support strategies you could utilize. Once you set cruise on a particular legal defense, it may well be impossible to modify. Your bail reading is particularly crucial. In case you are held inside custody, you will have zero way for a person to assist in accumulating evidence and account to exonerate an individual. It won't take long for an individual to discover whether a lawyer may and will signify you well. Many of things will need to consider usually are: > Does this lawyer practice this type of type of legitimate case you confront? > What is his expertise and background in this particular area? > What legal resources does this particular lawyer have gain access to to? > Does the attorney show/explain he provides listened to both you and understands your situation and questions?

> Has your current lawyer discussed the fees against you along? > Features your lawyer reviewed how the offender justice system functions? > Has got your lawyer reviewed what he desires to do for me and the case? > Will this legal professional keep you educated of what is definitely and has occurred? > Provides the lawyer discussed fee structures and exactly how your fee is going to be calculated? > After talking about the case, body confident of this lawyer? > Is lawyer truly enthusiastic about representing an individual? > Can easily you reach this specific lawyers easily or even is he often busy? Some companies have launched a lawyer review process nevertheless rating lawyers proficiency is difficult in addition to sometimes not done in an objective way. A lawyer with a new good winning record with few difficult situations to manage in his cases might get a great score, while others who have handle really challenging cases might acquire a lesser ranking. The human matter always comes straight into play in evaluating a lawyer. Essentially, things you need is a trusted lawyer referral services that takes care to contact plus work with good quality lawyers together with particular expertise plus specialization in the lawful areas you will be included in. When the referral service shows its in-depth link to particular law firms, it is usually a good indication of integrity. These kinds of firms may have a website with information about them that assists understand your scenario and show they have the resources, information and experience that will help you.

#lawyer #attorney

[phantasmiafxndom]

headcanons for the obey me! brothers crushing on their owner in pet au? what do they do to try to earn their favor/attention? with a dominant and strict but kind owner please :))

In general, it’s a lot of veeeery eager to please boys. XD

. . . 

Lucifer

For the most part, Lucifer’s crush is subtle. He’s very good at controlling himself, even if that’s mostly because he’s convinced his feelings are entirely inappropriate. However, once it’s gotten bad enough, you’ll easily notice the utter adoration in his eyes when he looks at you. To earn your attention, Lucifer subconsciously highlights every good thing he does. He wants you to see him as capable and worthy of your time and investment, so becoming the most well-behaved, even-tempered demon he can be is his real “strategy” for getting attention. 

Mammon

He’s obvious. As in, so much so that it’s almost sad. Mammon is terrible at hiding his feelings, and a massive crush is no different. Even though he knows that it’ll never happen, he can’t help but want to make you as happy with him as possible. When you reward him, he can pretend like it’s for more reasons than him just being a good pet. One of his key give-aways is that his wings flutter every time you so much as touch him... and he blushes like crazy around you constantly. To earn your favor, Mammon tries his absolute best to be good, obedient, and not cause trouble. 

Leviathan

Oh, he’s a mess. When Leviathan starts crushing on you, any confidence he has goes right out the window. It’s all he can do to even speak to you properly. Every time you praise him or treat him kindly, he falls even harder, and that both hurts and brings him incredible amounts of joy. You’d never want a demon in that way, so it’s hopeless... but even so, Leviathan can’t help but try to please you. He tends to show off and make sure you notice the things he does right, especially if it was something you told him to do. Just ignore the fact that eye contact is impossible.

Satan

In line with his nature as a companion type, Satan’s way of showing his crush and trying to get your attention is to go all out with his “purpose”. Instinctively, he starts trying to fulfill whatever duties you’ve given him to an even greater extent— he even becomes something of a perfectionist trying to accomplish that. Your praise makes his whole chest feel warm. The problem is that those unfamiliar feelings make Satan tense. He’s not sure how to handle crushing on you, so he gets quite on-edge while trying to manage it. He’s more desperate than he wants to be.

Asmodeus

Unfortunately, thanks to what he’s been through in his life so far, Asmodeus’s go-to for earning someone’s attention is sex. So yes, he’s making passes at you. Even if you’re not responsive to them, it’s kind of all he knows how to do. If they don’t work, he’s lost, and will be left simply trying his best to be good, whatever that means. His definition is formed by whatever you want of him. That said, Asmodeus is also as sweet and friendly as can be. He’s always happy to see you— and so, so clingy. It can be hard to tell if he’s crushing or just affectionate. 

Beelzebub

When Beelzebub starts crushing on you, it’s bad. He doesn’t know what to do with himself and feels painfully awkward and useless trying to keep your attention on him. Does he really even deserve it? He’s very shy about trying to earn your favor, and mostly shows his feelings by merely being as obedient as can be and trying not to do anything bad. He’ll even give his best effort to rein in his appetite if it’ll do anything to make you happy with him. Your kind side makes Beelzebub’s heart feel like it’s melting, and he’d do anything, legitimately anything to see you smile. 

Belphegor

The brat really doesn’t know how to process those feelings. Belphegor has spent so long hating humans that he’s immensely confused when he starts falling for one— especially his owner. It’s not like he has a shadow of a chance, so why should he do anything special? And yet, even when he tries to think that, Belphegor winds up trying to appease you and earn your favor despite himself. The main way this happens is that he’s clingy, always wanting to be close to you and hear praise. And even worse (in his perspective), his crush on you is adorably obvious. 

#Obey Me #Lucifer #Obey Me Lucifer #Mammon #Obey Me Mammon #Leviathan #Obey Me Leviathan #Satan #Obey Me Satan #Asmodeus #Obey Me Asmodeus #Beezebub #Obey Me Beelzebub #Belphegor #Obey Me Belphegor #Headcanon #Reader #Obey Me Pet Au

[officialcharactersimp]

Can I request a fic or hc of what would happen if r broke one of Sissy's rules.

Sissy's Brat

A/N: ahhh yess! not much to say here in the AH except how's't'dve did it get so long. Weird formatting. WC: 1k

CW: stepsister Wanda; NSFW under the cut!!; dom-sub; punishments; power play

To recap the rules:

“One: You always call me Sissy. When we’re in front of others, I’ll call you (y/n/n) so people don’t question it. “Two: You don’t question or talk back to Sissy. If you do, you’ll be punished. “Three: You are not allowed to touch yourself without Sissy’s permission. “Four: No one else is allowed to touch you without Sissy’s permission. If they do, you tell me straight away. “Five: All you sleep in is a t-shirt or a nightdress, no panties. “Six: Sissy knows best. “Seven: When it’s just us, you sit on the floor unless Sissy says otherwise. “Eight: If Sissy ever does something you really can’t handle or hate, you say ‘red.’ This one is very important,” she says. “It’s called a safeword.”

The punishment will definitely be different depending on what you break and how. Some of the rules, like four and eight, are there to keep you safe rather than to control you in the typical sense. Any good dom has some of those rules. Of course, as more rules are added, more punishments will be added, too.

One: you call her Sissy

"Wanda, it's my turn," you whine, trying to grab the controller. You slap your hand over your mouth upon realizing what you just said. "I'm sorry Sissy, I didn't mean to, it just slipped-"

"Room. Now." you nod and go silently to your room, sitting on the floor with your book in your lap. She enters quickly, closes and locks the door behind herself and sits on her bed. "Take off your pants and underwear, then over my knee," she says. You whimper but comply quickly. "Now, y/n/n, what did you do?"

"I-I called Sissy Wanda and broke rule one," you said.

"Yes. And for this I am going to spank you fifteen times, and you are going to count them. If you mess up, we start over. Understand?" she says. You nod, bracing yourself...

Two & Six: no talking back or questioning her

"What if I don't wanna?" you challenge, crossing your arms. She raises an eyebrow and crosses her own arms.

"Was that some back-talk I heard, little one?" she asks.

"I-I don't know, I-"

"I think it was," she nods slowly. "Meet me in our room with your book," she says, and you do. "Now, because you talked back and questioned me, you are going to write two pages front and back of lines. Let me see," she takes the book from you and writes a line at the top of each page: I will not be a brat to Sissy. You nod and begin your work, her leaning back on her bed and browsing her phone, keeping an eye on you.

Three: no touching yourself without permission

I think for this one, it would be your standard overstimulation or edging, depending on her mood and the nature of your infraction. If it seems like you're desperate to come, then fine, you'll come until you can't anymore and then some. If you seem to just be touching to touch, it would be edging. If you come, it will be different than if you don't come, and I think even how you're touching would change the punishment. TL;DR, if you touch yourself, she'll be playing with you for hours in one way or another.

Four: nobody else can touch you

This one I put in more considering reader is innocent and might get taken advantage of at one point or another. She wouldn't punish you for this, of course. She would comfort you to no end, cuddling you if you wanted that, getting you your favorite foods, letting up on all the rules until she thinks you're ready again, etc. And when you were asleep, she would go find whatever dirty fucker had hurt her precious little baby and make them pay so hard they wished their mother had never been born, not just them.

Five: you sleep in just a shirt or nightdress without underwear.

Okay, I feel like this one is simple enough that if you broke it, it would entirely be on purpose, especially since you share a room and generally get ready for bed around the same time. You would be asking for a punishment, essentially. First, Wanda would determine why you were acting out, and then decide the punishment. Maybe you're feeling like she's not paying attention to you- that would result in a milder punishment with some playtime after. If you legitimately wanted the punishment because you were feeling bratty, you'd get spankings and probably some overstimulation, too. If you were trying to punish yourself, it would be ultra cuddle time and some soft playtime, because even if she's firm, she loves you and never wants you to hurt like that.

Seven: you belong on the floor.

For this one, I think the first few times would be a few spankings so long as you corrected yourself. It takes some adjustment, yknow? But as time goes on, I think kneeling on the bathroom tile floor for awhile would do it. Maybe she'd even fuck your mouth before letting you stop...

"Go kneel on the bathroom floor, brat," she says, shoving you off of your desk chair. "Naked." you nod and comply. She comes in, turns the lights off, and slams the door shut behind you, then stuffs a towel under the door. It's dark and silent, and all you can think about is how much this is starting to hurt and how sorry you are.

After who knows how long, Wanda comes in, naked except for a strapless strap. She doesn't speak, just grabs your hair and pushes into your mouth, fucking your throat roughly. When she finally lets you go, you fall onto your hands and knees, coughing with tears running down your face. She's on the floor beside you, pulling you into her lap and rubbing your aching knees.

"I'm sorry Sissy," you whimper when you stop coughing.

"I know, I know little baby, it's okay now. You did such a good job. So good for me," she soothes and pets you. "Such a good baby."

Eight: safeword.

If you use your safeword, Wanda will instantly stop everything and start taking care of you. She gets you water, cleans you up, and cuddles you close. She'll make you your favorite food if you want, put on your favorite show, and just hold you close until you're ready to talk about what was too much.

#marvel #mcu #wanda x reader #wanda maximoff #reader insert #gender neutral reader #x reader #x trans reader #if you want #or not #stepsister wanda #sissy wanda #smut #wanda smut #nsft #marvel x reader #d/s writing #request #anon #noah writes sometimes

[shreddedparchment]

A Wife for Thor Pt.19

The True Heir

03/09/2021

Pairing: King!Thor x Reader          Word Count: 5,781

Warnings: angst, depression, pregnancy, marital troubles, pining

A/N: There is very little editing. Forgive me. I’m sleepy. I’ve been up writing all night. I’ve also been hurting, but it’s all good! I’m so happy to get this chapter out. *insert evil laugh* If you happen to reblog, thank you so much for helping me spread my work! it truly means so much, more than you know. xoxo

Sunday

Today you do nothing.

You’d opened up your laptop last night and attempted to scribble a few lines for your next book, but all you could think about was Thor, Jane, the babies to come, and where exactly you fit amongst all of it.

After typing Thor’s name along with a few other random words for the tenth time, you gave up and shut the laptop. You’d crawled into bed, bundled up under your fluffy comforter, and bid goodbye to the world as you caved in to unconsciousness.

The fact that morning is here, you find that your hope for today to be better than  yesterday was silly. How can anything ever be good again?

You place your hands on your lower tummy, caressing what feels like a very slight swell. It’s just barely harder than the rest of your stomach. Firm. Despite the happiness that your baby brings you, you stare across the room at your computer and can’t find it in you to get up and work.

Instead you roll over onto your other side and pull Thor’s--that is to say, the one he’d used while he was here--pillow over to cling to.

Thor’s texts are also still fresh in your mind.

Sleep didn’t dull their effect on you or the confusion they raised.

Did they mean that he wouldn’t get an annulment? That’s sorta what you were getting from them. His declarations that he couldn’t live without you and that he would die for you and that he missed you so much at his side sounded like he was also telling himself how he felt. As if he were, not so much convincing, but reaffirming what he already knew.

You reach over and switch your phone on, clicking through to your messages to find that Thor must have stolen his phone back from Loki at some point.

Thor: Good morning, my cherub. I hope you slept well.

Thor: I could hardly sleep with you absent beside me.

Thor: Our bed is too big without you in it.

Thor: Have you seen the doctor yet? You’ll text me as soon as you get a diagnosis, won’t you? I’ll be waiting.

Thor: Loki insists that I give you some distance to rest but being apart from you is torture.

Thor: Would you be very angry with me if I came to see you?

Thor: I have some things I must deal with here before I can go though. Loki is right. I should allow you rest and fix things here before I come to you.

Thor: Are you still sleeping, cherub? I’m sorry if my messages are disturbing you. I haven’t gone this long without talking to you since...I wish I’d met you years ago. When things weren’t so complicated.

Thor: Would you have let me court you even though I am the God of Thunder? Future King of Asgard? Would you have married me when I came back with my people to live here on Earth?

Thor: I think if I had to choose all over again, you’re still the only woman equal to the task of being my Queen.

Thor: And the love that has grown between us is...I will never take it for granted…

As you read that last message, you assume he wants to say he won’t take it for granted again. He’s already let it slip through his fingers, although he doesn’t know it yet.

Thor: Perhaps this can be that break you were talking of. For our baby? Maybe we do need a little bit of relaxation to let our bodies recover?

Thor: And yet, I can’t wait to start a family with you, cherub.

You’re bawling all over again, your eyes flooding with tears as you bury your face into his pillow and sob loudly.

He’d said that he missed your body next to his. You can relate. You want to feel the heavy fall of his chest, the deep breaths that fill his lungs and escape through his lips in a quiet little snore that always makes you cuddle into his side.

Normally, he’d respond by turning to face you and holding you right up against his chest.

The comfort that simple thing would give you right now when your heart is aching so painfully is what you so desperately need. But...you’re so angry too. You don’t want him near you.

The images that flood your mind are torture. Mixtures of pleasant, happy moments now marred by the betrayal and anger that has taken hold of your heart.

You bury your face into the pillow and scream until your throat really does go hoarse. Frustration at the force of change you’ve had to make in the past twenty-four hours.

You’re startled back to the present when your phone rings. You make a small attempt  to clear your throat then answer and the absolute gravel voice you use settles any wondering as to whether your illness is real.

“Hello?” you whisper, clearing your throat to no avail.

“Oh, cherub, you sound terrible.”

Your heart panics. How are you supposed to talk to him?

You don’t want to talk to him.

“I can’t really talk,” you say weakly hoping he’ll take the hint.

“Did the doctor see you already?” Thor asks, his worry evident in the quiet tone of his voice.

“Yes, he gave me some medicine and told me to try not to talk,” you lie, surprisingly easy right now since you don’t want to talk.

For your emotional sanity, you need to hang up soon.

“I’m so sorry, love. I wish I could take this illness from you. Where’s David? I’d like to talk to him.”

You panic again, floundering as you cough and clear your throat to buy some time.

“He’s not here. He went to the store to get some groceries,” you hope he buys it.

“I’ll call him a little later then. If you need anything, let me know. I’ll get it for you.”

“Thanks, Thor,” you mumble, suddenly not wanting to hang up.

How can one person give you so much ease and worry all at once? How can he be your source of agony and comfort at the same time? It’s not fair.

“I have so much to tell you, but...now is not the right time. You need to get better first.”

Nevermind! Fuck this guy. Your heart sinks.

“I have to go,” you tell him, hoping he’ll just hang up and leave you be now.

“Very well. I love you, cherub.”

How do you answer him without giving anything away just yet?

“Me too,” you choose. And it’s true.

Even if he’s torn your heart into pieces, he’s still the father of your baby and you still love him.

Whatever madness overcame him when he’d suggested to Loki getting an annulment was the best course of action seems to have passed. Loki must be right about him.

“Bye, Thor,” you whimper.

“Bye, Y/N,” he says your name, making your heart quake a bit.

You hang up and quickly dial up David.

He answers after two rings.

“Hello? How is my favorite girl in the whole wide world?”

He sounds amused by something, or just happy. It’s such a difference to how you feel at the moment that it breaks you and you sob again, renewing your tears.

“Y/N? What’s the matter?” David demands, clearly now beginning to fret over the way you sound.

You tell him everything. Somehow you manage to get it all out minus one important detail and when you’re done recounting the most horrible night of your life, David sighs heavily and you can almost picture him settling into a deep armchair with massive worry weighing on his shoulders.

“Well, the good thing is, if he goes through with an annulment, you’re to be given a monthly allowance for the rest of your life. It was a condition in your contract, should Thor change his mind about marrying you. But he didn’t so it was moot, until now. You will be a very rich woman. More so than the small fortune you originally inherited.

“I know that money is hardly a consolation for the man that you love-” David sighs again. “Perhaps he said it in madness? He must have been very upset. Caught by surprise?” David offers.

“Even if he doesn’t mean it or doesn’t go through with it, I know that for you the point is the thought was there.

“However, I do think we must make allowances for Thor. I’m sorry to say. He is a king and he’s responsible for his entire people. A baby would give them security. Stability. A legitimate heir would tie them to Earth forever.

“We musn’t make light of his choices. This isn’t a common situation to find one’s self in. For either of you.”

“David, I’m pregnant.” You finally explain, knowing that it will maybe just show him a little bit more of what you’re facing. “I went to tell Thor and that’s when I overheard them.”

For a moment he’s speechless. When he speaks again, his voice is heightened.

“Congratulations! I-I knew it would happen eventually. The timing is a little-”

“I haven’t told him yet, clearly.”

Silence again. “Why?”

“I don’t know. I was so happy when I went to tell him and then I heard their conversation and I-I just can’t find the strength to do it right now. Not until I know whether he wants the annulment.”

David breathes in deeply and then exhales slowly into the phone. His breath is light and soft.

“You’re afraid that he will only stay with you because of the child,” a statement.

David knows you better than anyone else in your life. It’s not surprising that he’d make the leap so quickly.

“He’s willing to leave me and marry Jane because of her baby. It’s possible that he’ll stay by my side only because of our baby and I’d rather he do what’s best for our people than to stay with me because of a sense of obligation.”

“It could be that Jane will not want him. She might keep her child away from the Asgardian royal court. Didn’t she refuse to marry him because she didn’t want to be Queen?” David’s voice is pensive. “This might all feel much larger than it is. I suggest you take some time to really think through your actions before making any decisions.”

“I’m not going to never tell him, David. He’s the father of my child. He has to know that he has two and not just the one. I don’t think I could do that to him. I could never keep him from his children.

“Either of them.”

“You are magnanimous, Y/N. More than even I thought you were capable of.”

“Bullshit. I ran away and am refusing to see him until I get my week of space,” you nod firmly. “But David-?”

“Tell me,” he urges you, recognizing your tone of anguish.

“I-I know that I accepted this marriage hesitantly. It wasn’t like I asked for it and you know how I felt before Thor asked me to marry him. You know how s-scared I was about marrying someone who was in love with someone else, and now...now he’s-”

“He’s married to you, Y/N. Not Ms. Foster. And from what I have been able to see, he does love you. Not Jane. This is a temporary setback. If you’re angry at him, be angry at him. Don’t pretend you aren’t. If you’re hurt, show it. Wear your heart on your sleeve.

“Loving someone is one of life’s greatest blessings. Sometimes that love doesn’t last, sometimes it takes a beating. But you must choose whether your love is worth fighting for.

“You’ve also got obligations that you cannot escape from. Duties to your people as their Queen.”

“Assuming Thor doesn’t leave me and take my crown,” you scoff.

“I’m with your brother-in-law. I don’t think it will come to that. I think Thor was a little shocked and thrown by Ms. Foster’s news. Now that he has had some time to think, I believe he’ll do right by you and when you tell him, your child.”

“I won’t tell him until he makes up his mind,” you insist.

“That is your prerogative. Do what you need to. What can I do to help? What do you need from me?”

“Just be prepared for any eventuality. I’m not sure what’s going to happen at the end of this week. Oh, and if Thor calls you--just make something up and tell me what you say. He thinks you drove me from the airport and have been staying with me.”

“Using me as your alibi so that your husband won’t come looking for you,” David clicks his tongue. “How much detail shall I give him?”

“You’ve got a job too, just tell him you’re coming and going. Tony had his staff install some security on the house after the honeymoon. I’m safe here. He’ll believe that I’m safe if that’s all you say.

“Anyway, I need to go. I have two more calls to make before I can relax and enjoy my break from the throne.”

“If you need anything, you know how to reach me. Anything, Y/N. I mean it.”

“Thanks, David. I can always count on you,” you smile.

Just a tiny one. A very subtle curve at the corners of your lips.

“Well, you do pay me,” he jokes, which actually pulls a small laugh from you.

“Right. Bye, David.”

“Goodbye, Your Majesty.”

You take only a minute to think about your conversation with David before you make the most important calls of your week in solitude.

The first one is simple. Just a reminder of doctor-patient confidentiality. He understands what you’re saying even if he doesn’t practice by that mentality.

Dr. Wilson’s phone call is more difficult. She wants an explanation. She wants to know why she’s not allowed to tell your husband, the King of New Asgard, that he’s finally got what you and he have been wanting.

An heir!

It’s painful to talk about but you tell her what’s happened. You tell her that Thor doesn’t know that you know about Jane’s baby.

She’s very quiet as you talk. She assumes things and you can hear her anger when she starts to ask for what she can tell Thor.

“He didn’t cheat on me, Dr. Wilson,” you explain, hoping that this will ease her anger.

You’re angry at Thor because of the annulment, not because he and Jane have created a life from their love. You’re hurt because he’s willing or was willing--you’re not sure yet--to leave you to be with Jane, even if not for love but for the baby growing within her.

You’re hurt because the man you love was choosing his duty over his feelings for you.

Even though you know that he’s right to do it. Even though you know that you should understand because he’s King and you also took an oath to put the people of New Asgard first.

It’s your duty to put their well-being before your own. That doesn’t mean you have to like it.

In Thor’s mind, his only duty is to his child. Jane’s child. He doesn’t know you’re carrying one of your own yet. Even though that would probably make sure that he stays with you because of the baby, you don’t want that to be the reason he stays.

Proud fool.

“Thor slept with Jane the same night he proposed to me. This was before we loved each other, when leaving Jane was the hardest thing he’d had to do. I don’t hold that against him.”

You don’t tell her about the annulment. She doesn’t need to know how messy this all is.

“He’ll probably call for you and Dr. Alric soon. Loki suggested they get Jane checked so act surprised? But please don’t tell him I’m pregnant. Not yet. He’s coming to see me at the end of the week and I’ll tell him myself then. Please?” And it really is a genuine plea.

“I’ll do whatever you need, Your Majesty. I would like to come and check on you. You don’t sound well.”

She’s very sweet and her concern is touching.

“Thor will probably send you to me eventually. He’s worried but he’s clearly got other things on his mind.”

“I’ll make arrangements to head over there tomorrow. Oh, can you hold for one minute Your Majesty? I’m so sorry.”

“Of course.”

There’s silence on the phone for a few minutes before she comes back.

“It was His Majesty. He’s told me about Jane but she’s not available for an examination until later in the week. So, he’s asked me to come to you first. I’ll be there tonight.”

For some reason, the idea of having her with you eases some of the stress you’ve been carrying with you since yesterday.

“I’ll call and have a car sent for you.”

“Actually, His Majesty has promised to bring me straight to you via bifrost.”

“Wait, what?” You sit up in bed, clutching your blanket to your chest as your nerves suddenly fray and panic begins to build up within you.

“Should I come by plane?” She asks, worried by the sound of your voice.

You can’t see Thor. No. You can’t.

“No. I’ll just be going out later tonight to pick up a few things that I need here at the house. Toilet paper, napkins, laundry soap. I just didn’t want you to get here when I was out, but I’ll text you the passcode to get in.”

You’ll just have to make sure that you’re not at home when they come. That’s what you’ll do. This is a perfect excuse to be out since you need to get the stuff you listed anyway.

“Are you sure you wouldn’t just like me to come by plane?”

“No, really. The sooner you get here, the better. The car ride is so long from the airport. I’ll see you tonight, Dr. Wilson.”

“Bye, Your Majesty.”

Even though you know that you have hours upon hours until Thor brings Dr. Wilson here, you force yourself out of bed and abandon your plans to wallow in your feelings so that you can shower, get dressed, and leave the house.

If Thor’s coming, you’re going to be as far away from your house as you can be. You’re not ready to see him again just yet. You only have small errands to run but you’re gonna stay out all damn day if it’s the last thing you do.

~~~~~~~~~~

Tuesday

Thor is at a loss. Completely and utterly lost without you.

If he was ever in doubt as to how he really felt about you--which he never has been because he knows himself well enough to know better--he knows now that you are the light of his new life here on Earth.

His reign would mean significantly less without you at his side.

Even though the time you’ve spent together has been a short few months, they have been the best months of his life.

If he’d had one of those other women he’d interviewed become his Queen, this life he’s chosen to lead would have felt empty and tedious. Instead of watching his Queen spend her time with his people leading the way in progress.

You’re so eager to be part of the Asgardian populace. They’ve embraced you so fully.

With a sigh, Thor leans forward and buries his face into his hands as he mentally trashes himself for the absolute fool that he’s been about this entire situation.

The fact that he’d even entertained the thought of leaving you.

He wants to cry and tear his hair out in frustration.

Should he tell you that the thought was weighed along with many others at Jane’s news?

And Jane.

Thor groans.

She’s been avoiding him since she told him. He can’t exactly blame her for it. He hadn’t exactly taken the news well.

He had no reason to expect her to be receptive to him after he’d basically accused her of being confused about it. She knew her own body. If she said she was pregnant, what reason would he have to doubt her?

He’s messed everything up so much and he’s terrified to tell you about Jane.

What if you have the same idea he did? What if you decide to leave him in some foolish attempt to have him marry her and legitimize his future child?

It’s something you would do. Sacrifice yourself so that he could do the right thing.

The thought of living this life of rule without you at his side is unbearable.

With another frustrated groan, he gets up and moves to pace the length of the room, ignoring the large pile of paperwork on his desk as his mind moves in circles.

It always comes back to you.

And then you’d been out when he’d gone to drop off Dr. Wilson. He hadn’t expected you to be gone. He’d wanted to see you. To hold you. Touch you. Hear your voice after so much turmoil.

You are his only solace.

Going so close to you and not seeing you has left him with a terrible pain in his chest.

His phone rings.

Thor dives for his phone and fumbles with it as he grabs it off the bed. He almost loses it over the opposite edge.

He literally throws himself towards it and lands with a grunt onto the bed as he catches it.

He presses the button on the screen without looking to see who it is because he only wants it to be you.

“Cherub?” he gasps, his voice an octave higher than normal with the little bit of exertion he just underwent.

“Oh, no. Sorry, Your Majesty, it’s Dr. Wilson. I was just calling to give you your daily report on Her Majesty’s health.”

“Oh, yes, of course. I’m sorry. I just haven’t heard from-” He clears his throat, sits up, and slides to the edge of the bed. “No matter. How is my Queen, doctor?”

“She was asleep. But just woke up. She’s very tired. Her throat is better, but she’s had a fever every morning since Sunday.”

Thor sits up straighter, hand clenched into a fist around the edge of the bed as his heart starts to thrum loudly.

“Is she seriously ill?”

“No, of course not, Your Majesty. But she really does need rest. She has been under severe stress and I’m sorry to say that your constant messages are not letting her rest.”

Thor’s heart drops and buries itself into a hole at the bottom of his stomach. He feels numb suddenly, fearful of what he might be doing to you. The guilt of what he knows he must tell you soon also weighs down on him.

“Are you saying that I should leave her be until she is recovered?” Thor checks, just in case he’s not understanding correctly.

“I’m saying that if you want her to get well quickly, you must give her what she asked you for. She needs rest.”

Thor hates that he can’t be there to check on you. He wants to feel you close. He wants to see you. What if you’re deathly ill and you’re telling Dr. Wilson to lie for you?

You abhor lies and cherish honesty , but he can see you lying in order to spare him pain. Just as he is lying to spare you the worry of all this uncertainty with Jane.

Although he knows that he can never lose you now and even with a child coming with Jane, you are his wife and he can’t leave you. He was stupid to think he could even try. The thought was a sin and he’ll never forgive himself for thinking it.

Loki was so angry with him.

Rightfully so.

The good thing is that you’ll never know how bleak things looked. At least he has found his sanity again.

“Will you keep me informed? I’ll stop contacting her if you will promise to tell me how she fares. If she gets worse, I want to know.” Thor insists, his voice passionate and begging.

“You have my word, Your Majesty. Have you heard anything from Ms. Foster? Do we know exactly when we’ll be running her tests?”

“She’s very busy. As of now, it’s looking more and more likely that we won’t be able to find the time until the week’s end. After we confirm her pregnancy, I’ll tell Y/N. I’m sorry that I’ve asked you to collude in this business.”

There’s a long pause and for a moment Thor thinks that maybe the phone has disconnected but then Dr. Wilson sighs, “I cannot wait for this week to be over. Will you come back for me then? When she’s ready?”

“Yes. I’ll pick you up in the same spot that I left you. My wife wasn’t too upset about her lawn, was she? Only, Stark seems to get irritated with me every time I land on his.”

“No,” Dr. Wilson chuckles once. “She was not upset. Again, there’s little more than her throat, head, and fever on her mind. I’ve gotta go. She’s gone out into the garden for some fresh air but I need to get her back into bed.”

“Please take good care of her, doctor. She’s...well, she’s my wife,” Thor finishes heavily.

The phone goes dead and Thor sits there staring at his phone until he can find the strength to get to his feet and go off in search of Jane. They really need to talk.

~~~~~~~~~~

Friday

Thor is upset.

He’s beyond frustrated by now.

He’s irritated.

It’s a week tomorrow since he’s seen you and he can’t stand the distance anymore.

Dr. Wilson snuck him a photo but you’d been sitting on your sofa, looking weak and withdrawn.

He’s not sure what exactly is making you sick, but he knows that he can’t go another day without seeing you.

He needs to get Dr. Wilson back here and he needs to get confirmation so that he can have something to tell you once he sees you.

He won’t lose you over this.

It was one last time. One final goodbye with Jane and he’d thought she was on her birth control but apparently she hadn’t been so he hadn’t bothered to protect himself from the possibility of getting her pregnant.

Why hadn’t she said anything?! Why hadn’t she told him that she wasn’t on her pill?

He knows it’s wrong to blame her. It took both of them to make this baby, but being away from you for so long is wearing thin and he’s losing all semblance of patience.

It takes some very careful maneuvering. Heimdall is sent first, then Hilde, then Loki.

None of them know why they’re going in to corner Jane in the tower except for Loki. Well, Heimdall knows, but there’s no hiding much from Heimdall. He pretends not to know and that’s good enough for Thor.

Loki is just stepping out of the tower when he turns to look at Thor with a grave almost exhausted expression.

“She’s up there,” he assures Thor, frowning as he shuts the heavy door. “When will this end, Thor? Are you going to keep the Queen away forever?”

Thor says nothing, he’s too upset to speak. He pulls the door open roughly and stomps his way up the steps taking them two at a time until he’s standing on the top floor landing.

He can see Jane biting her lip, pacing the length of the room until she turns and finally sees him.

“Thor…” she gasps, not expecting to see him.

“We have to talk, Jane.”

She looks away, turning her back on him then moves towards her laptop which she carefully closes. She puts her hand up to her throat and turns to face him.

“I will have Dr. Wilson brought in and Dr. Alric to give you the same tests they have been giving Y/N. They will be confirming your pregnancy and once we have that, then we can all sit down and figure out-”

“I’m not pregnant,” Jane gasps, her voice filling the room despite the quiet breath that escapes her pink lips.

Thor’s stomach twists. It’s agony.

On the one hand, the words she’s just spoken are...they’re a celebration. They’re simplicity. They’re peace and a return back to normal where in his life there is only you.

On the other hand, he’s just lost a baby he never had. An heir that he’d been expecting and now can never get back.

He’d made plans for this child. He’s pictured his life with them, the happiness and joy that their birth would bring to the people of New Asgard. The assurance that they would always belong to Earth.

He’d picked names for boys and girls. He’d begun to make a list of nursery items they would need even as he lamented that the baby was not yours but Jane’s.

This baby would have, and had already begun to change his life.

And now this?!

“What?” he very nearly spits.

Jane is so flustered she’s wringing her hands hard, welting them red.

“I’m...I didn’t expect to come here and see you with her and see how fast you just-” she waves her hand as if shooing away some animal. “-moved on. It’s like you were never with me.

“You were both so happy and talking about the future and I just lost it for a little bit,” she shrugs. “I have no excuses, Thor. I’m sorry if what I said hurt you. It was selfish of me and I just loved you for so long. You were mine, you know? And now you’re married, planning to have kids, and your wife is so nice and considerate and even though she has every reason to hate me, she was polite and so damn perfect…

“I’m not afraid to say that it made me hate her. I’m ashamed of it, but not enough to take it back.”

The silence is thick. The air suddenly grows charged and Thor’s eyes shine a bright sparkling blue.

His hands crackle and his eye spits as if full of blue fire.

The sky overhead thunders and the world shakes with the boom. The lightning strikes sharp and fast, shaking the tower so that for a moment, Thor can see how Jane thinks it might topple.

His anger gives way to betrayal and his lightning fizzles out as he takes a step towards her, his brow furrowed, eye full of pain as he stares at her, searching for the joke that this must be.

There is no way that this is really happening.

“You lied to me?” Thor accuses.

Jane blanches, her lips going pale as she takes a step towards him.

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lie, I just-I didn’t want to see you with her anymore and I wasn’t thinking straight so I just said it before I could stop myself. I know that it was wrong and I didn’t think it would go on for so long. I wanted to tell you almost as soon as I said it that it wasn’t true, but then you just took off and then the Queen left and I wasn’t sure if you told her and maybe that’s why she wasn’t here.”

Thor shakes his head, turning away from her as he paces towards the stairs but then turns back, his anger returning but full of pain now.

“I defended you. When Loki insisted I have you tested I asked him if he doubted you and I assured him that you would not lie about something this important. What reason would you have to lie?” he demands, almost of himself instead of Jane.

“Thor,” Jane begins.

“How long were you going to let me think you were carrying my child? How long were you planning to con me?” he accuses and his words seem to hurt Jane.

Thor can’t find it in him to care too much.

“I wasn’t-that’s not what I meant to do, Thor. Please, you have to believe me. I just didn’t know how much seeing you with her would-”

“You have no right to be upset!” he booms, his voice loud and it startles Jane quiet.

She’s never heard him angry like this. She’s never heard his voice raised.

“I gave you every opportunity to be with me, to marry me, to build a life here with me and be my Queen. You didn’t want it! You flat-out refused to be tied down by me and this Kingdom but now that you see me and my wife happy, you change your mind?

“You have the audacity to raise obstacles between us because you have regrets?”

“Thor,” she tries again, but Thor won’t let her speak.

“Get out,” he says sternly, turning to move towards the stairs.

“What?!”

“I said, get out. You are no longer welcome in my home. Pray no one ever finds out of your treachery. And should you have the urge to return for any reason, don’t.”

Thor storms down the steps, so angry that each step shakes the tower.

He’s breathing heavily as he slams the door shut behind him.

The storm air helps to calm him a bit. It clears his mind at least and the past week zooms by him like an unpleasant movie.

All of that worry and the plotting and planning. The agony that he felt wondering if you’d leave him when you found out about his child with Jane was the most unbearable.

Your face flashes before his eyes and he knows that there’s only one place he can be right now.

He throws his hand out and a metallic whistling rushes closer before his fist closes around his hammer.

He swings it firmly and throws it up into the air as he makes for your home.

Now that he has nothing to keep him here, he’s eager to get back to you. He’ll tell you everything and hope that you can forgive him for lying to you about Jane.

Even though it was a lie by omission, it was still a lie.

“I’m coming, my cherub,” he whispers, so eager to have you in his arms again.

Nothing will ever tear him from you again. He is certain. Nothing. Not a false heir, or a former love, no doubts exist within him anymore. You are the one.

The only one.

#king!thor x reader #thor x reader #arranged marriage au #royal au #a wife for thor #king!thor x reader fanfiction #king!thor x reader fanfic #king!thor x reader fic #king!thor x you #thor x reader fanfiction #thor x reader fanfic #thor x reader fic #thor x you #marvel fanfiction #marvel au #a wife for thor pt19

[dontbipanicjonsa]

Did Kit suddenly lose his ability to heart-eye or is Pol!Jon actually a thing.

I'm late to the fandom but I just finished S7 and I'm having thoughts.

I'm a reader of the books, and I hadn't watched the show till now because... I suck at watching shows with hour long episodes and more than three seasons.

What made me decide to watch it was the Pol!Jon discourse I found on the Internet.

I know enough about the show to understand how unlikely and out of character this theory would seem to show watchers. At the same time, I fully believe that book!Jon would be fully capable of something like this. But also, even though I do ship Jonsa in the books, I can't deny that Jonerys is.....a big deal. Everyone expects it to happen. It's a highly anticipated pairing and....I just couldn't honestly believe Pol!Jon because it is just so against the general expectation.

So I decided to watch the show. And now I've finished season 7 and I am astounded.

Let me preface this by saying that I went into S7 already disliking Jonerys (sue me) but I still fully expected to have some serious doubts about the validity of Jonsa. I fully expected to be at least somewhat convinced of Jonerys. Even hating the idea of Jon and Danaerys together, I still expected more.

There are a number of things I would like to note here.

First, Jonerys is a romance that is told, not shown. Davos talks about Jon watching Dany's "good heart" (hehe) to tell us Jon is attracted to Dany. But then Jon immediately dismisses it- and not in a way that looks like he's deflecting. He's not only dismissing it, he's dismissive of it. His mind is not in the conversation, it is beyond the Wall.

Similarly, Tyrion says (not in those words), "yeah right, and Jon only looks at you longingly coz he wants a military alliance with you". Not sure what I'm supposed to think about that....? First, Jon doesn't look at Dany longingly at all???? Not once. Second, is this line supposed to suggest that Jon is looking at her longingly for a reason that is not desperately wanting a military alliance....? Because we already know that that's exactly what he does want. Wtf do I make of this statement?????

There are other examples, but the point remains. People keep talking about Jon and Dany being into each other, and that is what is supposed to convince us that they are into each other (well yea Dany is) but Jon gives no indication of looking at her longingly, of falling in love with her, of being intrigued by her even. He's a brick wall.

Alright, I'll concede one (1) scene where I saw legitimate attraction on his face for a second- that is the cave scene. Even there tho, it's hard to tell if he's just watching her reaction carefully or if he wants to bang her.

On the other hand, Dany shows that she is into him. Even so, when I say she's into him, I mean she's attracted to him and intrigued by him. I cannot believe she loves him.

Next, I think it's interesting that in the episode before (or was it the same episode?) Jon bends the knee, we have a number of people (Tormund, Beric) talk about stuff like- kings not bending the knee leading to people dying, knowing what's important (the fight against the dead), being the shield that guards the realm of men blah blah I don't remember the exact words. Then he sees the WW and the Army of the Dead (again) and sees a dragon die. And then, the first opportunity he gets, he bends the knee. I want to point out here that the scenes really emphasise on Jon's thinking face after every conversation he has during their little gay party beyond the Wall. They focus on the look on his face again while he's watching the Army. Multiple times. And there's clearly something going on in his head, gears are turning.

One other scene that struck me is the scene where Jon and Dany are saying goodbye to each other (the Eastwatch episode). In the same episode (if I remember correctly) Jon calls them strangers, and then the goodbye scene comes and Dany says to Jon's little morbid joke, "I've grown used to him". Him being Jon. Two things to note here-

One, Jon considers them strangers but Dany has gotten "used to him". Maybe it's nothing, or maybe it's an indication of how the two of them are absolutely not on the same page (about anything).

Second, Jon's face after she says that. It shuts down. Like a door slamming. And then he says that "wish you good fortune in the wars to come" line, which has ZERO romance, or longing, but a whole lot of bad precedent (does that make sense?). Ouch. The thought that occured to me here is that Dany is being somewhat obvious about her feelings, and maybe, just maybe Jon has picked up on it. And that is why he reacts the way he does.

I wasn't sure so I compared the scene with the Jonsa forehead kiss scene in S6, and Jon's expressions after that kiss.

My logic was this- I assume that either Jon has become aware of Dany's feelings in the Eastwatch goodbye scene, or his own feelings for her. One of these assumptions is true. Which one?

If Jon has feelings for Sansa, then his confusion/awareness/discomfort regarding that are seen in that forehead kiss scene. So if Jon has become aware of his feelings for Dany, let's see how these two scenes compare?

My dudes. There is no comparison. Go watch it.

I watched both scenes with sound off, and the difference is insane. Jon looks at Sansa's lips. There's a moment's pause that's full of tension, and then his face shuts in a way, but it's a bit confused, a bit thoughtful.

Jon does not look at Dany's lips. He does not look confused, or thoughtful. This is not a romance.

Side observation- speaking of showing and telling, it's funny how we're shown Jon looking at Sansa's wolf bits, and told that Jon looks at Dany's good heart. Yes I'm talking about boobs but wolf bits and good heart is funnier. We literally see Jon look at the wolf bits twice, talk about it himself, in a completely unnecessary conversation...as opposed to being entirely dismissive of the good heart, even when someone else brings it up.

Back to the main point, one last thing I'd like to talk about is the scene where Jon actually bends the knee (not really). First, there are still no heart-eyes. Definitely not from Jon. Second, it's funny how Jon uses the exact hand-grabbing move that Sansa used on him last season, when she was trying to convince him to do something he didn't particularly wanna do (like he's now trying to do with Dany). This means that

1) he learnt that move from Sansa. He knows how effective it is XD

2) if the Jonerys hand-grab is romance, it stands to reason that the Jonsa hand-grab is romance too. I mean both the grabs are suspiciously similar.

Then, even after Dany "promises" that she'll help the North fight the WW, Jon still bends the knee. I felt both an odd sense of urgency coming from him, and an understandable hesitation. Or maybe that's just me.

Now suddenly, he becomes complimentary of her. But there's something weird about his compliments. They are completely generic. "They'll see you for what you are" and in the later episode, "you're not like the others". Wtf does that MEAN ??

Here's the thing...Jon could have paid Dany a way more specific, genuine sounding compliment after bending the knee (complete with heart eyes). I mean she did just fly over the Wall to rescue him and his men. He could have said more, something meaningful, but he didn't. He bent the knee like a house on fire (that doesn't make sense but you get what I mean I hope) and paid generic compliments. Then he pretended to sleep until she left and then sighed very loudly.

??? Romance??? WHERE????

Then the dragon pit. Heart-eyes still missing.

Then the sex scene. What do I say? Lol.

No really. There are no heart eyes even during the sex scene. Honestly, idk what that face was. Not in love for sure.

Another side note- Arya and Sansa have talks while standing in the same place where the forehead kiss scene happened (wtf do you call that place again, the bridge.??) But no heart eyes. No lingering looks. There is no incestuous gay love between them, I can say for sure. All it does is prop up the odd incestuous vibes of the Jon Sansa scene in that same place.

ANOTHER side note- goddamn but does Sansa talk about Jon a lot.

Edit: I'm sure most of this stuff has already been discussed in other metas. My purpose here is only to put down my first thoughts after watching the season.

#jonsa meta #jonsa #political jon #pol!jon #dark dany

[oskarwing]

I really wanna talk about the parent child relationships in Midnight Mass

I’m not sure if I’m good at writing this sorta Meta but here goes nothing. Very many spoilers follow.

Let’s start with the adults: 

First we have Erin who suffered so much at the hands of her mother and later because of her mother’s abuse. We don’t get much detailed info on Peggy Greene but from what we can gather she was a lot like Beverly Keane, who seemed to idolize her (though that probably got easier for her after Peggy was gone), in her self-righteous over-pious manner. She just happened to be Beverly with an alcohol problem and a daughter who she could take all her anger at life for not working out her way for God loving her just the same as everybody else out. The dove scene is really such a good scene. But Erin was stronger than her mother, stronger than the abuse that was about to repeat itself and when she found out that she would have a child of her own she left and tried her best to give her kid a better life than the one she had. And she found the strength I think with the help of the same God her mother most likely used as legitimation for her abuse (don’t get me wrong I believe it was Erin’s own strength but she also clearly found something in religion that helped her gather it) and it helped her to carve out a path for herself and her unborn child.  

Sarah’s relationship to her parents is such an interesting one because we get to see the end of it. The man who she believed to be her father has been dead for a long while and her mother is suffering through the late stages of dementia. And Sarah showed up for it. As a doctor she most likely knew what would be happening as soon as Mildred started to show the first symptombs but she wasn’t going to leave her mother. That kind of care for an elderly parent shows something that is proven in Mildred’s character time and time again: She is a very devoted parent and the love between mother and daughter flows both ways in every scene they are in together, after the birth of her daughter her world turned around Sarah and she loved her with all she had. There are a few scenes that show that Mildred’s understanding of the duty she felt towards her family came from the old values of her time. She wouldn’t have taken off with John and their child not for a lack of love but because in those times, in catholism still at least where I’m from, you can’t just marry a priest. You can’t just have a child with a priest eventhough you’re married and then fuck off with him. As a woman, as a wife and mother you have to stand with your husband, stand with your child and you have to stop running after fantasies I’m sure Mildred had. I’m saying this all from her perspective btw, I don’t necessarily think running away with John, in the way he wished to, would have been good for Sarah but honesty might have been and her old fashioned values were also what kept her from being truly honest with her daughter.  To John on the other hand Sarah is a fantasy, a dream he couldn’t reach. His daughter, his baby, so close and yet so far away getting to watch her grow into an adult but never being able to really be her father as in her Dad instead of her priest. And it’s painful to him, he clearly loved Mildred, loved Sarah but he was also kinda selfish in his love that in the end took Sarah away. At first he isolated his child by starring at her giving her the creeps and the feeling that she had done something wrong that he knew she was gay and dissaproved and then he took it upon himself to ‘cure’ Mildred in the same way he was. Sarah wanted to take care of her mother wanted to be there for her in those final months and John decided it was up to him to give Mildred a youth potion to make it so she’d never die. And with that he took away from Sarah what is without doubt a hard but for many people a very important last part of the relationship between child and parent. John was a complicated man and would maybe have been a great Dad he certainly showed a lot of fatherly love for his altar boys but he couldn’t have the family in the way he fantasized about and in the end it was that fantasy that made him act the way he did.   

Riley Flynn causes his parents a lot of pain. Him killing that girl in the beginning, his alcoholism, him simply not liking the place, the home they build for themselves through hard work causes the Annie and Ed so much pain and financial loss and you can see how tired they are, how much guilt they feel for failing their son. Ed calls out his own guilt and says that he doesn’t belive it could be Annie’s fault because ‘your mother’s a saint’ but what I truly love about Annie and Ed Flynn is that they both aren’t saints. As a mother Annie is very much overprotective and suffocating, wanting to keep her children on crocket island and hating the notion that they might leave her, even though she is kind and sweet and loving. And while Ed seems rather checked out as a father but he is the more honest parent, never talking down to Riley and telling him as it is, telling him about the pain he caused him while also admitting to the guilt he feels. The Flynns are flawed people even in their religious practice (I think the way Annie speaks about Ali showing up at church when Hassan seemed to be nothing but nice to her spoke very loudly to the fact that Annie is rather misguided sometimes) but they are good people at the core of it and their parenting might have been part of Riley’s way into alcoholism but it wasn’t only them. There were things they couldn’t change and things they had no influence over like his heart being broken by Erin running away, the sort of people he went out on parties with and so many other things...  Yes, they may have shaped their son in a way that made him vulnerable to addiction and the party scene of the stock and tech market and brought him to the point where he killed a child but it doesn’t happen through parenting alone and they also shaped him in the good ways. Him not losing himself when Pruitt changes him, him being brave enough to warn Erin, him standing up for what he believes in those things were also shaped by Ed and Annie. They are one of the best example of flawed but good hearted Christians I have seen in recent media and their portrayal was one of the most heartbreaking ones. 

Now the kids: 

Let’s start with Leeza. Little Leeza Scarborough who before it comes to her wonder gets treated with pity and overprotectiveness from her parents and the island community at large. Leeza was injured by Joe Collie transforming him into the island’s villain and her into the ever present victim.  What happened to her is without a doubt horrible and I understand why Wade and Dolly started to become these overprotective parents, why they were so easily sucked in to John’s and Bev’s scheme. Their little girl was almost taken from them eventhough Wade is the mayor, one of the most powerful people on the island he had no influence over what happened to Leeza even was the one who took her out that day and what followed the accident was as we can gather from their conversation with Sarah a lot of pain and financial burden though they say they would have done it all over for Leeza. In fact a lot of places in crockett island are wheelchair accesible and I am sure that Wade as mayor made it so (I can’t really imagine that a small place like the island was very inclusive though I may be wrong).  After Leeza is healed they don’t want to question in don’t want to think about what might have been the cause for it. In fact they stop questioning anything after that point, after Leeza walks again they are completely vulnerable to Bev’s manipulation and them letting that happen, them just going along with everything, Wade protecting John after he kills Joe long after Leeza forgave him and with her forgiveness send Joe on a better path is what in the end makes them lose her. Because Leeza isn’t that little victim who needs pity and help, she is a strong minded, strong willed young woman with a lot of wit who similar to Erin finds strength in her faith but in a way that isn’t devotion without question and when the Easter vigil is held she doesn’t follow her parents eventhough she loves them deeply. She forgives them I think, because that’s what Leeza’s character is about in it’s core but her parents were two of the instigators behind what happened on the island, without Wade’s protection John and Bev couldn’t have come as far as they did and they put their trust in them because they loved their daughter so much they didn’t stop to question if maybe what made Leeza walk again was also a bad thing. 

Ali and Hassan don’t have it easy and I as a white person really can’t speak much on the racism and religious discrimination they face.  I can say this I think: The first line spoken about Ali before we even really get to look at him is “You didn’t invite Aladin” and already sets us up for what both of them know: They are the outsiders. Not only because they just moved to the island but also because in their faith they are different from their peers and religion can often be a community building event for people before it is anything else. Ali starts balming his father a little for that, for not trying to fit in more with the community, for moving after his mother’s death and then not trying to be closer to the people around them and for the pain all the pain the two of them went through before Crockett island. It isn’t oly peer pressure though of course that brings Ali to St Patrick’s. Sure, Ali wanted to be part of the community but also desperately wanted to believe that there was a devine power who could if he just did it (it meaning faith) the right way he might find a way to avoid the pain of his parents. Hassan knew that and he warned him that that wasn’t how it worked. Hassan was a protective Dad and maybe he overdid it from time to time but his worries were never without reason, his need to keep his son safe from a world that hated him for a crime that happened when he wasn’t even born yet never unfounded and him wanting to make sure his kid kept the memory of his mother alive never anything but the wish of a griefing man and loving father. In the end when they pray together there is peace in them. They face their ends with the dignity Ali’s mother would have wished for and they face it as father and son. While Beverly the true religious terrorist of the story burns away without it. 

Warren is the youngest Flynn and it is never directly stated yet omnipresent that his coming of age happens in the shadow of his older brother’s mistake.  Annie warns him away from drinking when he goes out he in fact doesn’t drink. He never drinks because of what his brother did.  Warren would have been 12 when Riley killed that girl and so he would have seen and felt what his brother’s actions did to his parents fully without being yet old enough to maybe see the nuance.  Annie and Ed probably try to right the wrong they believe to have done in parenting Riley with Warren and that’s a lot for a kid. I do think it’s pretty usual that parents of multiple children especially when there’s a larger age gap try to do better with the younger children, but that isn’t fair is it?  Warren is his own person not a second chance to do it over.  And yet seemingly he does what is asked of him. He’s alter boy, he’s charming and helpful and sweet, he doesn’t drink (even when he does smoke pot) and he helps his father where he can with his work.  But in the end he feels guilty because he thinks he wasn’t enough and says at that last dinner he would have been different if he had known he wouldn’t see his family again. But Leeza is right they know and they love him and Warren deserved to not be perfect all the time. 

Littlefoot saved Erin and Erin payed her back with all the love she had. She was never born but she gave her mother the strength and willpower to leave.  In her speech to Joe Leeza said he reached through time and took things from her she didn’t even know she had yet.When Erin left her husband she reached through time and saved Littlefoot from a childhood like hers and when John gave Erin the angel’s vampire’s blood he reached through time and took away her child, a child who would have been loved and cared for. A child with an amazing mother and probably a great step-dad.  Littlefoot’s story is tragic because she never got one. 

#midnight mass #midnight mass spoilers #parents in midnight mass #I dunno man I just really love how they showed all these examples of parents

[let-them-read-fics]

Empress of the Heart (Pt. 2)

Synopsis / Request: “Reader is an actress, and she meets Jennie at an event. They have a one night stand afterward, and months later they meet again.”

Pairing: Jennie x Fem!Actress!Reader

Warnings / Misc: Smut (only in Pt. 1), Angst, Fluff

Here’s the second half of the request for you lovely peeps! Enjoy :)

Part 1

🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤

◇◇◇◇◇

"Y/N, more people are arriving and management wants us to greet them. Something about photo ops." Jackson, your fellow lead, says as he pokes his head into your dressing room. His entrance intruded on your thoughts of the beautiful brunette that effectively stole your heart away within a night, leaving you completely at her mercy despite being worlds away.  

"Alright, just give me a second." He nods and goes to stand outside your door -- you're expected to be seen together for a good portion of the night. Thankfully, though, Jackson is a good guy; he cares a lot about you, always doing everything in his power to keep you happy. The feeling is mutual; it's nice to have someone in your corner in an industry as unforgiving as this one. 

"Ready?" You ask, opening the door after you've checked yourself in the mirror and smoothed down any unruly hairs or clothing. Looking presentable is a must tonight -- you can't appear as wistful as you've been feeling lately. 

"Sure am." His answer is a bit unnecessary, seeing as how you asked a rhetorical question, but you send him a smile nonetheless. He offers you an arm, and soon the two of you are walking back towards the entrance of the building. 

--------

Waves of flashing cameras greet you for the second time tonight, now capturing you in your full glammed-out look. The first time had been a few hours ago when your team arrived to begin setting up and get all of you ready. 

The entire cast now stands stretched out in front of the large screen that will air the movie later, your arms around each other as you smile for the cameras. Promotional pictures shine behind you on the screen, serving as a perfect backdrop as they cycle through their predetermined slideshow.

Eventually, you all disperse to greet some guests. 

"Thank you for coming, Mr. Choi. It's wonderful seeing you again." 

"I hope you enjoy our performances, Mrs. Lee. Your support has meant the world to us." 

"Ah, Jeong! How've you been?" 

Countless faces pass by as you work hard to greet everyone, knowing full well your company will be upset if you slack off now. It's everyone's big night, so they obviously can't have their leading lady stopping for even a minute. 

You're almost ready to run to the restroom in order to have a moment to yourself, free of prying eyes and judgemental stares; but what you hear next sends a chill down your spine, an all too familiar ache in your chest. 

It's Jennie. She's laughing that wonderful laugh of hers, taking you back in time to when you first heard it. Her members must've said something really hilarious, because all of them are doubled over, clutching their stomachs with laughter. 

"Hey again," Jackson greets, and for a second you almost want to tell him to leave you alone. You don't, though, knowing you have no right to pull something like that. 

"YG's girl group just got here. Do you want to say hello?" Of course you do. You want to run into Jennie's arms and spin her around, reveling in the way her arms would surely wrap around you in that warm embrace that's so uniquely hers. You want to tell her a stupid joke to make her laugh again, like she had just a few moments ago. You want to talk to her. 

But you don't.

"No, not right now. I'm going to visit with my family, if that's alright with you." 

"Sure, sure." He says considerately, unwrapping his arm from you. You press a friendly kiss to his cheek as a thank you, letting it serve as a goodbye as well. 

"Eomma!" You shout, squeezing through the crowd when you spot her at one of the banquet tables lining the front of the room. The rest of the space is filled with rows of chairs, already set out for when the movie premieres. 

"Ah, baby girl. We're so proud of you." She says, holding you in a tight embrace as tears spill from her eyes. Her arms bring you comfort like no other, and you're beyond grateful to have her here tonight. Some of your friends stand behind her, too, waiting for their turn to say hello. 

Jennie watches you interact with them from across the room, and she feels a pang of sadness run through her. She's not naive to how these things work: your other cast mates had come over to greet her and girls, snapping pictures and even starting meaningful conversations in some cases -- all of that meaning you had been given the opportunity to do the same, but turned it down. Do you not want to see her? Maybe she had misjudged your night together. You are an actress, after all. 

She shakes her head, physically willing the thoughts to go away as she turns her focus to whatever new person was talking to them now. She continues stealing glances in your direction, finding you looking somewhere else every time. She'd give just about anything to have you look at her, if only for a moment. Just a glance, she thinks to herself, praying the universe hears her pleas. They seem to fall on deaf ears, though, because before she knows it the MC is calling all of you onto stage and the guests are directed to their seats. 

"Let's welcome the cast of Empress of the Heart!" The MC says cheerily, tucking his notecard underneath his arm in order to clap along with the audience. "They've spent months working hard for this project, travelling to filming locations in different countries, learning new languages, and facing their fears. We hope all of you thoroughly enjoy their performances. Now, I'll hand it over to our leads." 

You and Jackson bow towards the audience, waving at them politely as they applaud you again. He looks at you, a silent question of if you want to speak first, and you nod. Taking the mic from him, you say, "Firstly, I'd like to thank our incredible cast and crew. They played just as important a role in this movie as Jackson and I, and we're endlessly grateful for their hard work." More cheers ring out at your kind hearted show of appreciation, and you speak up again once they've died down. 

"These past few months have been some of the best of my life, and I owe that to people like you, and my fans. Thank you for taking a chance on me and supporting me. From the bottom of my heart, thank you." You say sincerely, looking into the camera that's recording all of this for exclusive content. When the movie drops for the public in a couple weeks, they'll be able to buy this tape as well and see highlights from the premiere. The thought of your fans watching it from the comfort of their own homes, yelling praises at their screens, makes you smile. 

Jackson takes over now, smoothly transitioning into his own mini speech of thanks. You stop your eyes from meeting the one pair that they so desperately want to, always keeping them trained on other parts of the crowd. If you allow your resolve to crumble, you'll get lost in her all over again and potentially screw up one of the biggest nights of your life. You can't take a risk like that. 

You laugh at something Jackson says, some joke about how you had to face your fear of heights for a scene in the movie, and Jennie takes a deep breath. She's not exactly jealous, but yet that's precisely the feeling that creeps its way into her chest. She knows that you're avoiding her for some reason, but she has no idea why. Did she do something wrong? 

--------

Why, why, did they have to sit Blackpink in the row right behind you? It's karmic, the universe's way of pushing you back to each other, but you don't know how to feel about it all. You can feel her eyes boring into you as each new scene plays, silently begging for you to turn around and talk to her, even if it's impolite to do so in the middle of a movie.

You don't, though, fighting every fiber of your being to keep yourself from giving in. 

Despite the emotions that swirl within her that pay little mind to the number they're doing on her heart, she actually finds herself enjoying parts of the movie. It's bittersweet, seeing you up there, but you command the screen in a way that seems to steal all coherent thoughts from her brain. You're truly skilled, and she gets a kick out of watching you hide behind your hands in embarrassment when your co-stars offer whispered praises.

During one scene in particular, though, Jennie's eyes drop to the floor, her teeth clenched together tightly. Your character just saved Jackson's from certain doom, and the two of you are sharing a long-overdue kiss. The rest of the crowd lets out approving noises at this, but Jennie is comforted by her members' soft smiles and reassuring touches. You feel guilty, for some reason, knowing that anything you were a part of made Jennie so upset. It shouldn't matter, though -- I mean, it's not like you and Jackson are actually together -- but still, it hurts Jennie to see him kiss you and hold you in the ways she wants to. 

The rest of the night carries on much the same, but later on, once you get enough courage to look for Jennie, she's gone. The other girls are too, and a sinking feeling settles in your chest. Gone -- again -- just like all that time ago. Your reasons for staying away from her were legitimate, but they felt nothing of the sort as you glanced around the crowd again. 

The movie ended earlier, already getting good marks and reviews from the critics who came to view it, and now the "afterparty" of sorts was kicking in. You hadn't expected the girls to stay long after the movie, but you'd at least hoped to utter a word to them, if nothing else. A smile would've sufficed. 

Realizing she's really gone, you let out a sad sigh and make your way down the hall, towards the large doors that lead to the balcony. If anything can clear your mind right now, surely it's a chilly breeze. 

You lay an arm against the sturdy railing, leaning on it as you massage your neck. All of the stress you've been put under is showing in the form of painful knots, far too many to get rid of in one go. You sigh, letting your head lull forward and lay against your arm.

"And here I was thinking I wouldn't see you again."

At the utterance, you turn around to find her leaned up against the stone wall of the building with a playful smirk on her lips. She's back to her old self in an instant, but you can sense the undertones of nervousness in her voice. 

The darkness of the night that envelops you two makes her eyes look even more feline -- even more alluring -- and it takes everything in you not to lose your train of thought. 

"Jennie." Her name comes out as a pleased declaration more than anything else, a familiar flutter taking over your heart at the sight of her. It's a warm feeling in your chest, and you never want it to go away. 

You try not to focus on the sensual swaying of her hips or the teasing look in her eye as she pushes herself away from the wall to approach you. 

"I thought you left." You breathe out, remembering how sad you were earlier. 

"Without getting you alone first? How could I?" The implication behind her words gives you pause, causing a blush to begin forming on your cheeks. You curse yourself for being so easy.

"I've missed you like crazy," she confesses, allowing herself to be vulnerable again. Now in front of you, she brushes the back of her fingertips against your cheek as you look into her eyes. 

"I've missed you, too -- more, probably," you say, the declaration sounding like an embarrassed sigh as it leaves your lips. She smiles at that -- her genuine, gummy smile that you've missed so much -- and your heart flutters again. 

She debates on asking the question that sits on the tip of her tongue, waiting to be answered. "Why didn't you greet me before, at the party?" Her voice is small now, insecure, as she avoids your gaze and stills her movements. 

"I-..." you start, finding yourself at a loss for words. Should you tell her how you feel?

"I was afraid you'd throw me off my game. You're pretty distracting, you know?" You reply, nudging her shoulder playfully. A hint of a smile tugs at her cheeks, unsure if it should finish the job and turn into a big one. 

"I thought I did something wrong." She informs.

"Not at all. In fact, you did things a little too right, if you ask me. I can't stay away from you, Jennie." Her heart trips and stumbles over itself in its pursuit of gaining a steady rhythm again, thrown off course by your words. 

Growing brave, she suggests, "Go on a date with me, then. I wanna have more nights like that with you." She whispers that last part, ghosting her fingertips over your skin to awaken the memories. 

"I'd like that," you smile, leaning in to kiss her lips. It's soft and gentle, much like your first one, and your heart hammers in your chest. It seems to forget that you've done this before, choosing instead to subject you to the giddiness you felt that first time with her. 

She pulls back to rest her forehead against yours, settling her arms around your waist, saying, "I've wanted to do that all night." You smile for the millionth time because of her, happy with how things have turned out.

"Do it again, then." 

And she does. 

#jennie kim #jennie x reader #jennie x fem reader #jennie kim x fem reader #blackpink #blackpink angst #blackpink smut #blackpink fluff #blackpink oneshots #blackpink imagines #blackpink scenarios #kpop #kpop girl group #kim jisoo #lisa manoban #rosé #park chaeyoung #let-them-read-fics

[rouiyan]

𝘖𝘍𝘍 𝘐𝘊𝘌 [ 𝘭.𝘫𝘯 ]

⧏ jeno's installment of the keep your cool collective ⧐

synopsis: he likes to think it's romantic how he always finishes your sentences for you. you think it's annoying that he keeps interrupting you.

✧ ice hockey player!lee jeno x (fem.) tutor!reader ✧ college au

✧ genres : fluff, angst, slightly suggestive ✧ word count : 4.4k ✧ disclaimers : mentions of sexual activities, swearing

✧ author’s note — same universe as my puck in your goal which does not need to be read first but can be. also, hi @crownily i did it :)

let's just say jeno sucks at school and that the one thing he doesn't suck at is hockey, ice hockey. and let's just say that you're his tutor, strictly for tutoring purposes. yet, here you find yourself at his doorstep at 3:47 in the morning, or so your phone says.

he opens up to see you clad dressed down, different from the neat tee and skirt he's so used to. to be completely honest, jeno has never felt anything towards you and even he himself finds that hard to believe since you're everything he could ever ask for in a girl. pretty and cute, snappy but sweet, the most perfect curve of lips and above all, you're an intellectual. he finds it attractive but he isn't attracted to you, per se.

jeno wished he would though, especially now that he's suffering from what he called you here for in the first place: an extreme case of breakup.

one hand leaning your weight on the doorframe, the right of your shit rides up. jeno bites down on his lip, retracting his eyes to your face. "let me get this straight, you called me here, at this time of night, to get me to help you with what exactly?" so what if he thought fucking you would be a good way to keep his mind off things? too bad he didn't think any further than that. the words come to his as he speaks, "i just thought that- that...you- you would be awake at this time! because you know- you like to study…did i interrupt anything?"

donning a dreary expression, you nod in clarification, "yeah, you interrupted my studying."

"right, okay, i'll let you get back to that," he turns in haste as if to close the door behind him but you catch it with your heel, a scowl making its way across your face at what you were about to say, "forget it, jen, i'm already here. what do you need help with?" you stare into his back, his widening eyes unbeknownst to you. he turns again, now deliberate in motion, just to give him as much time to get his bearings together. lifting one shoulder in suggestion, and truthfully confusion, his voice is a pitch higher when he responds, "...studying?"

and that's how he finds himself staring into the crack between the wall and the far end of his desk, your figure hovering above him but not in the way he'd planned for, planned poorly for. jeno is on edge and frankly, he feels incredibly bad because he doesn't understand anything that comes from your mouth and the words you jot down on his paper before him all seem to collide and blur into each other. that's when he realizes he's started crying.

and that's when you're rendered speechless as the boy sits there, the little tracks running down his face wetting the paper you were teaching off of. "jeno, oh my god. fuck, you good?" you don't want to come off as prying so you avoid the whole 'why' notion but you're not that socially inept to miss that he didn't call you here at such an ungodly hour of morning just to get some unpaid tutor hours in and he certainly isn't crying because he doesn't understand shit. 

a hand of his is sifting through his hair while another rubs harshly down the side of his face. "i don't think you should- i'm just gonna go get you some tissues, i'll- i'll go get that." you turn on your heel and navigate your way from his room to the kitchen you'd passed on the way in. it's dark and you know he has roommates, you were less than willing to make your presence known. to your dismay, the kitchen was currently being occupied by a man whom you've yet to identify, being only two steps in when you stop in your tracks. 

he identifies you first, "y/n, what are you doing here?" and you pick up from the voice that it's donghyuck. your foot hits a cabinet before your eyes get a chance to adjust to the lighting, "fuck, yeah i'm here with jeno, well i'm not- not like that, we're just studying."

"just studying?" there's no way to see it but you swear the cock of his brows is apparent as it would be at day. you hum in response, fingers trying to make out the paper towel dispenser you were sure you caught a glimpse of on the way in. "so you're saying," he pulls out his phone and the light that emits from the screen is enough to guide you in the right direction before he shoves is back in his pocket. "that you booked a tutoring session with him at 4:19 a.m.?"

tearing one, then two, from the dispenser, you distractedly let a disbelieving, "yup," past your lips. hyuck scrutinizes you in the dark and his next words nearly shock you out of your skin, "is he fucking you because he just got dumped? is that why?"

you swivel at lightning speed, "he what?" hand over his mouth, donghyuck seems genuinely apologetic, though you wouldn't put it past him if he was not, "shit, you didn't know?" folding the paper towels two times over in your hands, you gingerly across the room to where the boy is seated, "i mean, i know that he didn't call me here just to study but that's legitimately what we ended up doing." he doesn't answer for awhile so you follow up with a question, "you think he wants to fuck me?"

hyuck looks you straight in the eye, "yeah, yeah i do." it hangs unsaid in the air between the two of you, but it's within both of your knowledge that jeno only wanted you here for sexual relief from his frustrations, that whatever else could be denoted by the deed was simply inapplicable for this situation. you shake your head of the thoughts, "so, what are you doing up this early?" you know that there is a weary and weeping jeno you have to get back to but you also know that your presence is somewhat unwelcome there, uncomfortable even, while he wades in his fit of tears.

hyuck replies with a heavy tone, "he gave me some things to think about too."

and you jump to conclusions all too quickly, "he wants to fuck you too?"

"god, y/n, no."

a weak laugh lining your demeanor after the last of the interaction, you reenter jeno's room to find him sprawled wide, his back to the bed. "hey," you preface as you round upon his bed, setting the paper towels on his nightstand. it seemed his tears had run their race and his eyes were now staring lethargically into the ceiling. perching yourself on the edge, you reach to place a hand atop one of his, giving two reassuring squeezes. "need anything?"

only now does jeno seem to take note of your arrival, his eyes hooded eyes flit to you for half a second before resolutely tugging you by the hand you had clasped within his. "what-" your breath is stolen from you as your back hits his chest. jeno drapes his arms across you front, "jeno, what-"

"i need a pillow, that's what i need."

you blink, trying to make sense of your thoughts, "did you ask me here to fuck you numb?" his body goes rigid underneath yours and you're right to assume that you've pinpointed the answer. "i'm right, huh?" eyeing downwards, his fingers are fiddling for you to see. after a few moments laid in bated breath, he lets weakly, "sorry about that, it's not gonna happen."

"yeah no shit," is said dulcetly despite the denotation. you feel his chuckles reverberate beneath you. "i'm really sorry, i swear i don't think of you that way." a smile upon your own face, you turn in his arms to place an expression to his voice. propping your head up on your folded arms, your arms atop his chest, you peer into his eyes sincerely. there is much that needs to be said, the reasonings behind his unexpected breakdown and the closeness you suddenly feel with still have to be addressed. but at this hour in the morning, you can't bring yourself to. 

instead you query, "should i stay the night?" he peers into your eyes with equal sincerity when he responds, "it's already early morning, you'd probably be off better sleeping here." giving a soft nod and a few moments to rearrange your thoughts, you perk up again just as he's about to fall asleep. he isn't annoyed in the slightest, rather he smiles at that, your voice, "do you have practice tomorrow?"

it's his turn to give a nod in response. "wanna come watch?" your arms move around his chest, encasing him like how he's encased you. hiding your smile in the front of his sweatshirt, your voice comes out muffled, "i'd love to but i'm a bit busy, jen. next time, maybe."

at your response, it's the first time that jeno feels, acknowledges, that his heart drops, even though it's in the slightest. there's an image of you in the stands, your textbooks in your lap and glasses sliding down the bridge of your nose. the image moves as he moves cross the rink and you look up when he passes by, eyes bright and a small smile and thumbs up in encouragement. from then on, it's that image that's plastered in his mind every time he thinks of you, that one self-conjured image. 

jeno feels his heart drop even more when he awakes to an empty bed. he finds that the text that you've sent in departure isn't nearly enough to repair his spirits, he wishes you were there instead.

practice sucks ass the next day and the day after that, he doesn't pay it any mind, knowing more than well enough how renjun whispers of the news of his breakup among the members. he doesn't hold it against him though, after all, his ex is his teammate's best friend. jeno thinks it hurts the most when his ex shows up at the next game, the one he'd invited you to when you'd crossed paths on campus a few days ago. he finds himself in a weird predicament between trying to forget about a girl and chasing after another one. he can't tell if he really likes you or if he just needs a rebound.

today, jeno decides it's the latter because he's fuming the entire game at how hyuck would send winks in her direction, how he would skate up to the edge of the rink to converse with her during their breaks. jeno hates how she's moved on all too easily and he feels and urge to prove that he can do the same. he wants to prove to himself.

he's let almost every goal in by the time the buzzer signals the end of the final round. the coach reprimands him because at this point, he might as well be from the opposing team. the helmet is off in a split second, he showers for the briefest of moments, only allowing the water to slosh across his body one time before he's patting himself dry. jeno slips the towel from his shoulder throws on a hoodie in its stead. he's out the locker room in bare minutes where he comes face to face with you. you, with the little sheepish, apologetic smile on your face. you, who'd just arrived from your shift at the local cat adoption center, late for the game but in just time for him. you, the only person he's been aching to see the whole day. but even now, he's unsure of exactly why. 

"y/n, hey," he's by your side in an instant, hesitant in his actions but words tumbling out nonetheless, "you came. late, but...you came."

you meet him in the middle, hands coming up to your aid and waving nonsensically as you speak, "i'm so sorry, my shift was extended and i forgot to tell my boss beforehan-"

"it's fine, i'm just glad you're here." he readjusts the bag onto his shoulders in a nervous fit. he barely manages to make eye contact with you and he wonders when he started to feel this way about you or, again, the desire for a rebound, his need for a taste of vengeance is willing him to act this way. jeno shrugs off the thought and fills the silence with an offer, "so do you wanna go...do something together?" 

jeno should know by now. the little sparkle that glints in your eyes and the way his stomach upturns itself in response. he should know by now how much you like him too. hyuck exits the locker rooms in that instant, he greets you in passing as he joins a girl up ahead. you turn back to jeno, momentarily distracted, only to find his gaze hardened and fixed on the girl. a sickening feeling erupts within you as you begin to piece one and one to make two. 

he turns back to you and you avoid his gaze. the shift in your countenance jolts him as much as his had jolted you. you lick your lips before looking back up at him, your own eyes guarded. he wishes he knew why. "jeno, i'm gonna have to rain check. i just- i thought of something- something came up. i have to go."

you're stalking away from him before he can even process it. he's lucky that his strides are long because he catches your wrist right before you get to the exit, "y/n," he tugs gently so that you turn to him but he's caught off guard even more when he sees the tears that have begun to form in your eyes. "why are you like this all of a sudden? what happened?"

you shake your head at him, hurriedly swallowing the sobs before you can embarrass yourself even further, "nothing, jeno. i just realized something." you stare down at his wrist expectantly but he only clutches it tighter, "then, what did you realize?"

he lets go of your wrist now and you feel like your heart couldn't get any heavier as you answer, "i realized that i'm just a fill-in until you get over her." jeno sucks in a breath as he watched the words leave your mouth, as he watches you turn and leave, and he hears more tears bubble from your frame, the sounds receding the farther you walk from him. for some reason, it's only when you tell him so that he understands that he feels the exact opposite.

it's only when you shove it in his face, your own face scrunched up in tears, that he's only going after you as a rebound, when he sees his feelings for what they really are. honest, jeno finds it hard to believe that he's never felt anything towards you since you're everything he could ever ask for in a girl. pretty and cute, snappy but sweet, the most perfect curve of lips and above all, you're an intellectual. he finds it attractive, he finds you attractive. fuck it, he likes you.

fortunately for him and unfortunately for you, your next tutoring session was scheduled for just a few days after, just enough time for him to get his act together and enough for you to cool your head enough sift through the thirty or so voice mails he'd left you. most of them seem to contain the same rueful, repentant tone, though a few seem to be displaying his slow spiral into self-deprecation. you're pretty sure the last is a mistake, a butt dial maybe.

jeno's not proficient with the knife, definitely not with how he's cutting the pears right now. he thinks he would've been better off bringing bananas but that would've seemed too insincere, wouldn't it? his thoughts are jumbling and sludging against one another when a finger of his slips and the fine edge of the knife is pressed on a knuckle. "fuck," he swears, his other hand already reaching over to the sink to run the cut under cold water. the sting is piercing and he looks away from the cut to the clock overhead. "double fuck," he mutters this time. the last thing he needs right now is you thinking that he stood you up. 

with steadfast athleticism, he finishes off the last of the pears with one hand. he's sure you'd laugh at the whole debacle if you were there though he's thankful you're not. jeno faces the fear that he sucks at everything except ice hockey, and he's barely getting by these days. he only ever feels confident on the rink with his stick in hand, crouched low so his eyes were level with the ice. he's never felt that much control over anything else, much less confessing to a girl and trying, somehow, to show that she was of much more worth than what he'd made it seem like. 

the library is a ten minute walk from his house, a three minute sprint. yes, he had sprinted. 

he knows for a fact that pears were the right way to go when you let the tiniest of smiles adorn your face at the sight of him setting the tupperware in front of you. you check your expression back into taut impassivity before he can indulge in his victory any longer. he knows you're not half as mad as you present yourself to be but that doesn't mean he'd take his mistakes lightly and go about this sleazily. jeno needs your trust. 

you resist the urge to reach over and flip over the hair that stood upright on the wrong side of his head. reverting your eyes onto the computer screen before you, "let's get started." not a half hour into your session, you're spaced out, eyes zoned onto the way jeno spins his pen between his fingers. maybe it's the lack of sleep that's getting to you.

"y/n? you good?"

you swallow thickly, removing your gaze from his hands, from him, from his paper, from anything that has to do with him. you notice how your chair has inched closer to his, or his to yours, you notice the finger-wide distance between you and him. shivers are sent down your spine. "let's take a break, is that fine?" jeno, from beside you, yawns and for a brief second you think he's about to pull the stretch and hand around shoulder trick. you blush unknowingly. 

jeno speaks before you can ask to resume the session, "can i say something?"

"is it work related?" you give your best efforts at keeping your voice level and head turned somewhat in his direction. in your peripheries, he cocks his head to the right, "...no, but we're on break." almost letting a huff escape your complexion, you relent, "fine then, shoot," figuring he would say it anyways.

"i want you to come to our next game."

you're lucky you had the whole scenario thought through, at least something can be harvested from your late nights spent tossing and turning, "i don't think i can-"

"y/n, i haven't even told you when."

"okay fine," you wrinkle your nose in distaste and hand out the truth for him to see, or hear, "i just don't want to." jeno is doing his best, he really is, but he knows that you've heard all that he has to say, if not once, then twenty-nine times over. the last one was a mistake. "did you get my voicemails?"

sighing, you chance a glance at him to see that he isn't the slightest bit annoyed, face drawn into a frown of sorts. you'll never admit that even just the sight could soften your set mindset. consideration replays in your irises when you answer the yes or no question with a decisive nod.

"then i'm sure you understand why i want you to come."

jeno lets you drive him home that day, he'd be the last to complain. the ride is silent from start to finish until right when he's about to close the passenger door, the car parked in front of his shared house. an, "i'll think about it," is what he's left to brew over for the next week or so as he stares that the text, read and unreplied, that he'd sent to remind you of the day and time of the game. he's anxious but it's only to that extent.

it's becoming more and more evident that jeno is loosing his touch on ice. he hates that the only thing he can attribute it to is his dwindling love life. he finds that the enforcer is atypically rough today but he's glad that his role at the goal requires the least interaction and footwork. he'd promised his coach that he would be more wary of his surroundings but he can't help the occasional glance at the rink entrance every once in awhile. what he doesn't understand is that his definition of 'once in awhile' marks at around every thirty seconds.

the last round is the most painful, undoubtedly, because it's as if his defeat is being dragged on and on, as if the giant timer above the rink is ticking to the heartbeat of a dead man. 

jeno can is aware that he's breathing. he's aware but he has to double check when the entrance doors open for the last time that game and you've arrived. you're standing by the doorway, apprehensive, but jeno can't get it past his head that you've arrived, that you're here. he'd have gotten decked in the face had you not motioned your head in the direction of the fast approaching puck and the burly man behind it.

he blocks the shot and every shot after. there's no need to wonder why.

the buzzer rings in his head so quick that he thinks time runs on his emotions rather than the clock. his helmet is often in seconds and he's making his way at supersonic speeds to the part of the rail where you're stood. the glass fogs with his breath as he tries to get his words across. 'i'll be quick,' he mouths. 

you count two minutes until he's off ice. jeno hasn't bothered to shower, he lacks the patience for it. he sits you down on the lowest of the bleachers, closest to the rink. standing over you, he finds that he has so much to say, so many things he wants to let you know, all the feelings he's ever bottled up for the girl so obviously made for him.

he's never had much of a way with words but he thinks that the romance movies hyuck's made him watch over the years give a pretty good overview of what to say in situations like these, "i'd cross the world for you." you snort back at him, nose crinkling in distaste at his choice of words and poking fun at him with your own, "rink, jeno. you mean you'd cross the rink for me."

"y/n, i'm tryna do something here," he whines, the pout on display mimicking his displeased but light-hearted implications. you're equally as amused, "oh yeah? what are you tryna do?"

"i'm tryna," he takes your two arms in his and wraps them around his middle. you instinctively fist the fabric of his blue jersey at the back, "jeno, what are you-" you stop when a hand of his own comes to trace the lines of your face softly. maybe he can't find the words but surely he could show you. if he could just…"you keep interrupting me, jeno."

drawn from his resolution, he's snappy when he retorts, "i think as your boyfriend i ought to have that privilege."

"boyfriend? since when did you-"

"i just did," he revels in the idea that you think him to be smooth with words when in reality the 'boyfriend' was a slip up, a mirror of his daydreams. he's over the moon that it worked out in his favor. while he fixates on just how much he feels for you, you're playfully annoyed at a whole other, "stop fucking interrupting me, jen-"

"i love you."

you blink up at him. well shit. a lot of things are happening and you lack the brain cells to process them. there's only one thing you can think to do, only one think that you're thinking about, have been thinking about, will still be thinking about. 

he may be the one to steal words right from your mouth but beyond that he's oblivious, you think. the smile still plays on his lips when he follows up, "is it okay to interrupt you if i say something like tha-"

you press a smile of your own onto his lips, cutting his words effectively. a hand of yours moves up to the curve of his neck to bring him down further, the angle at which he is kissing giving him all the advantage he needs to deepen it. when you part, you aren't surprised to see how half your body is leaning on the row of seats behind you and that jeno's entire body is sprawled on yours, supported by a knee on one side of you. 

you like your lips as you feel his breath hot on yours. "how's it feel now?"

shaking his head, jeno presses his temple to yours so that the only thing you can see is him, just him. "interrupt me any day, will you?"

copyright © 2020 rouiyan all rights reserved.

✧ end note — wrote this up in approx. three hours. lee jeno is so rude for interrupting all my other wips (that are also mostly for him). i hope you enjoyed because i did, i freaking love writing for him <3

#nct jeno #nct scenarios #nct fics #jeno fluff #neothestars #neo-constellations #hockeyplayer!jeno #jeno angst #lee jeno #lee jeno fics #nct jeno fics #rouiyan fics #rouiyan writes

[cicissketchbook]

Okay so sometime ago, I think about five years ago, I saw some things in the tag about how April and Donnie’s interactions were abusive. It angered me greatly because I am of the opinion that misusing that word really devalues it and as a result, real abuse isn’t taken as seriously as it should be. During that time, I wrote this really long piece in the notes app of my phone, one part ranting, one part sharing, basically just putting my frustrations into words. I never posted it because I really didn’t want to open the doors of communication about the topic of abuse. Basically I didn’t want to put myself in a situation where people would try to argue with me about my own experience. 

Some time has past now and some people expressed interest in wanting to read that post.  I know that those individuals that expressed interest and are coming from a place of respectful curiosity, so this is for everyone else that might stumble across this post. 

Trigger warning: this post is about abuse. Not abuse in the show, not abusive characters, this is about real life actual abuse. This is basically me demonstrating why something is not abusive, by showing you what is. 

Also, it should go without saying that this is a story that’s very personal to me, I’m being a little bit vulnerable by sharing some aspects of that story. This doesn’t have my whole abuse story, but it has bits and pieces. You don’t have to agree with me, but please at least be respectful. 

I’m posting this because people have expressed interest in reading it. If you don’t like it or don’t want to read it, just scroll away. 

And bare in mind I wrote most of this like five years ago. 

So I saw something in the tag earlier about how someone or some people think Aprils treatment of Donnie is emotionally abusive and I am here to put this to rest right now. I'm sure he bulk of the fandom doesn't think this way, but I haven't stopped thinking about it since I saw it earlier and I'd just like to throw this out there. And honestly, I'm not even talking about just the Tmnt fandom. 

For the love of God, stop throwing that word around like you know what you're talking about. 

It's been my experience, coming from an abusive childhood myself and having been the one to help my best friend escape from her abuser, people don't really know what it is unless you've experienced it. That's not to say that you have to be a victim to recognize it, but to truly understand what it is and how it makes a person feel, it's hard to imagine if its never happened to you. People love to fucking throw that word around and nothing makes me see red more than that. 

First off, you sound ignorant as hell. Second of, by seeing interactions you don't like and calling them abusive, you are devaluing the seriousness of real abuse. And because that word gets thrown around so much, the line of what is considered abusive is so blurry now. Now you have people who think they're abused when they're not (kids who get spanked for example), and you have people are really are abused but they don't know it (partners who make excuses for each other).

You think April is emotionally abusive to Donnie? Honey, I will tell you what real abuse is like. Real abuse is being told that you aren't smart enough to come up with any good ideas on your own. Real abuse is being told that every good thing that has happened to you only happened because [your abuser] is in your life. Real emotional and verbal abuse is being humiliated and belittled and made to think you aren't good enough and nothing you do is good enough or ever will be. That your feeling are not valid and that you have no worth outside what this one person says you have. 

It is not abuse to disagree or argue with someone, it is not abuse to speak your mind even if it hurts someone else’s feelings. Just because someone has a negative reaction to something you did or said, that doesn’t mean your actions were abusive. Their reaction does not define your behavior.

The literal definition of emotional abuse is the attempt to control someone else. Be that through manipulation or gaslighting or isolating. Like I said before, the abusers goal is for the victim to think they need them, they are worthless without them, they could never make it on their own without them.

And then of course, there’s physical abuse, where your head is slammed in a door and your nose is busted open. 

Abuse isn’t this casual thing that happens sometimes, you don’t say “oh that person is kind of abusive” like it’s a character flaw. What you’re thinking of is just someone being mean. You can be mean without being abusive and you can be abusive without being “mean”, One of the steps in the cycle of abuse is literally love bombing. It’s a manipulation tactic to get you to think that the abuser is just doing this because they care about you, they want to protect you, they want what’s best for you.

And the affects of that can stay with you your entire life. To this day, I’m instantly distrustful anyone Who reaches out to me because I think they know my abuser. I suck at communicating because even the slightest hint that someone is mad or upset puts me in defense mode. If someone voice raises above a certain volume, even if it’s not at me, I shut down. I have to remove myself from the situation. I am literally in capable of communicating with someone who I perceive to be angry, even if they aren’t. Like my mouth will not form words, all I can think about is getting away from this person. I’ve been in situations where someone will move or approach me a certain way and I throw my arms up to cover my face. I’ve had relationships suffer because I would 100% rather be by myself then put myself in what I perceive to be danger, even though my logical brain knows that this person is not my abuser. My last boyfriend used to get mad at me because he felt like he was having to tiptoe around my trauma. To which my response was, “I literally just said I don’t like being yelled at, this shouldn’t be hard.”

This shit isn’t funny, it’s traumatizing.

(if you’re curious about this, I recommend looking up the cycle of abuse. A common thing is outsiders looking in and not understanding why someone can’t just leave an abusive situation, and then when the victim says it’s not that simple, they just don’t understand how that can be. Viewing abuse from an outside perspective makes it seem very black-and-white, but knowing the cycle of abuse can help to better understand what a victim is going through.)

(My abuser happened to be my stepmother, but it still affects me in both romantic and platonic relationships.)

(Also I’m not even going to touch on the thousands of people that are literally murdered every year for trying to get away from their abusers.)

Anyway….

I have yet to see anyone actually provide any kind of legitimate reasoning or example of April being abusive. Because she’s not, the examples aren’t there because they don’t exist. “Leading someone on” isn’t abusive. And I’ve talked before about how April doesn’t even do that.

Just because you don’t like some thing, doesn’t mean it’s abusive. And if half of these people actually knew what real abuse was, I guarantee they’d shut their mouth with a quickness.

It’s assholes that throw that word around that make is so victims of real abuse aren’t taken seriously.

If anyone has any instances where they think April was being abusive, let me know and I would love to debunk them for you. No, not discuss it, debunk it. This isn’t up for discussion.

#tmnt 2012 #april o'neil #donatello #apriltello #apritello #donnie #tmnt #abuse #abusestory #may be triggering #triggering content