#you will grow from this pain

[evadneares]

Katie Maria, "It Lingers for Your Whole Life"

Damage (1992)

#writing #writerscommunity #writers and poets #writers on tumblr #creative writing #women writers #literature #writer things #writers #quotes #anger #sadness #growth #life #books and libraries #katie maria #it lingers for your whole life #you will grow from this pain #you will get through this #you will be loved #you will be understood #believe in it #books and quotes

[s0fter-sin]

vampire bats share mouthfuls of blood to other bats they’re close to if they weren’t able to feed and now i need old vampire!ghost sharing a bloody kiss with fledgling!soap, giving him mouthfuls of blood bc his fresh fangs are too sensitive to bite with

it’s been so long since he was turned that ghost’s forgotten the deep ache that comes with growing fangs and he almost worries when johnny goes to bite into the meal he’s brought him only to whimper and pull back; only the slightest pinpricks of a bite left in the man’s neck, barely enough to bring blood to the surface

it’s only when johnny whines and massages at his gums that ghost realises his oversight; crooning at his sweet mate in reassurance. he’s not upset that he couldn’t feed, at the unintentional rejection of his offering. he’ll make the pain stop

ghost pulls the man to his mouth and sinks in his fangs, sucking in a heavy mouthful and drops the now paralysed prey back to his feet; his throat steadily gushing with blood and spilling over his body

he cups johnny’s face, looking into his eyes, teary with pain and hunger, and purses his lips to carefully drip the blood into his mouth. the pain immediately vanishes from his eyes, replaced with pure bliss as he opens his mouth wide; curling his tongue to catch every drop. ghost presses his mouth to his in a hungry, blood-filled kiss; tongues twining together as they share the taste

johnny sucks the last of it from his lips and ghost guides him down to lap at the prey’s neck; licking up the blood he was too weak to draw himself. he’s ravenous with it, his whole face covered in red as he licks up the spill and suckles at ghost’s bite

ghost’s filled with an overwhelming pride at having provided for his mate in an even deeper way than just hunting for him. he spilled the blood johnny’s drinking; fed him in the most intimate way their kind knows and he’ll do it a hundred times over for his love

#pet peeve time i hate the vampire ‘licks a bite to stop it bleeding’ trope bc it biologically doesn’t make sense #if anything a vampire’s saliva would have an anticoagulant effect to /stop/ a bit from clotting so they can drink more #anyway back to bloody kisses lmao #thinking about the actual biological difference between humans and vampires and how much it would /hurt/ to grow a pair of fangs #like the human mouth isnt meant to have teeth that big or muscles strong enough to to support them #or the increased bite force they need #so not only are they growing new teeth theyre also growing bigger muscles and their mouths are having to adapt to them #that would cause so much pain #you ever grown in a wisdom tooth? it sucks and that nowhere near this level #on top of all that youre also starving and have an unquenchable need to feed #the intimacy of a sire feeding their fledgling from their own mouths #weaning them off their blood but still so dependent on them #and even after johnny can bite and feed on his own he still craves the closeness of being fed from ghosts mouth #and ghost never denies him #coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt #we’re a team- ghost team #soapghost #ghostsoap #ghoap #simon ghost riley #ghost cod #john soap mactavish #soap cod

[luck-of-the-drawings]

smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.

#jrwi show #jrwi fanart #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #made this within a short span of wahtever bc i gotta go up to the mountains for my stupid gay job tonight n im trying #nnot to frrRREAAAK THE FUCK OUUTTTTTTi dont wanna work but. get that bread we fuckin shall i guess #ONWARDS TO THE FISH TORMENT!! sometimes flowers feel pain when you trim them before their blossoming. atleast i imagine so #i used to draw gillion with loooong hair tied into a big ol braid. and then it was confirmed that he had short hair when he was little. #AT FIRST I WAS SAD. but then i realized the duality of. when they were little. gill had short hair. edyn had long hair. #AND NOW THEYRE OLDER. and gillion has long hair. and edyn has short hair #both mirroring eachother. looking up to eachother. subconsciously or not. they most certainly care. and most certainly miss eachother. #GILLION ALWAYS LOVED HOW LONG HAIR LOOKs. atleast i imagine so. he hasnt cut it since he left the undersea. sure he wanted to go back home #but even at the very start. he knew he was free in some way now. free to grow out his hair. an adventure would await him before he returns. #he knew it would be a while. so he cant let this go. he cant let this sought-after hair-length get cut away from him again #not yet. not yet. i like to think he loved music too. I SAW SOMETHING INTERESTING A BIT AGO #i see alot of ppl commenting on my baby gill comics like;'i wouldFIGHT this teacher i wanna KILL EM i want them DESTROYED #all very good and nice sentiments! i LOVE the energy here! and it would be nice. to have that catharsis #but the story of young tidestrider is not a story of catharsis. it is a story of agony and being so so small and so special and also so dum #and sucking so bad. and just being a kid and doing the things that a little kid does and so many tired tired people reacting badly to it #youre supposed to be the hero that will save us. our world hangs in the balance and you are the one who tips the scales. #YOU are supposed to SAVE US!! you NEED to SAVE US! CAN YOU PLEASE STOP SQUIRMING IN YOUR STUPID CHAIR!! #you'd think that young tidestrider ought to prevail. and be tucked someplace all safe and sound. #elders gone missing and rotting in a jail. their cultists nowhere around. but theres no happy endings. not here not now. #this tale is all sorrows n woes. you may dream that justice n peace win the day. but thats not how this story goes #BIG ideas for this lil baby gillion series. if anything i make ever gets disproven im killing myself in a well as to poison a water supply

[korrasamibottles]

Yeah Venom of the Red Lotus showed us how crazy powerful Korra is but The Last Stand had Korra transform the destructive power of a massive bomb blast into something regenerative in the culmination of one of the best character arcs I've ever seen. In my OPINION!!

#SORRY ok i'll stop. #lies. i have more to say. she is so brave and so selfless!!! #and mako sacrificing himself to destroy the weapon's energy source was really powerful too #AND of course. the korrasami of it all. #ok one more thing. it seems like the most common interpretation of korra's conversation w/tenzin in the last stand #is 'suffering makes you a better person' and people rightfully get pissed off about that #but i just....fundamentally disagree with that reading. i saw it as korra choosing to find meaning in her pain #and choosing to find wisdom in it. and i think that's really fucking powerful and why korra's arc resonates so deeply with so many people. #like. the suffering happened. she can't go back in time and undo it. and she didn't deserve it!! #but the only way to move forward was to accept that it happened and let it empower her rather than drown her. #i mean there are things i've been through that i wish hadn't happened #but the idea that those things don't necessarily have to mean i've changed for the worse #that i can choose to find A Point to it all and grow from it and use the pain rather than the pain using me #is actually really empowering. #tlok

[andromeda3116]

people actually went on about how game of thrones made it socially acceptable to be a fantasy nerd, as though the lord of the rings movies hadn't been released less than a decade earlier and left far greater cultural ripples and i am just

got may have made the adults feel better about liking fantasy, but lotr got into the kids' heads when they (we) were just young and impressionable enough to be absolutely transported and emotionally rewritten by don't you leave him, samwise gamgee and my brother, my captain, my king and and rohan will answer

lotr was rewriting entire generations' brain chemistry long before asoiaf and so obviously it's not fair to compare any post-lotr fantasy novel to it, and each book series was trying to do different things within their own spheres and so that also is not a fair comparison, but in terms of the cultural impact of the adaptations that came out within a decade of each other, saying that it was game of thrones that made fantasy mainstream is baffling

game of thrones could only run because the lord of the rings movies laid the path, and i will die on this hill

#lotr #lord of the rings #lord of the rings movies #i started this post because ''may it be'' came up on my playlist but now i think i'm going to start my nth rewatch of the trilogy #there is a lot to discuss about it re: comparison to the books but it's like... #for all the changes they made - good and bad and neutral - everyone involved in making the films *loved* the source material #they all *wanted* to do justice to it and believed in it and it shows #i think of some posts i've seen about how frustrating this modern push towards tongue-in-cheek irony over sincerity #so afraid to be corny or cheesy that you have to tack a joke onto every real emotional moment #like no fuck that #give me sam hauling frodo onto his shoulders saying ''i can't carry it for you but i can carry you'' #give me aragorn gently kissing boromir's forehead as he dies #give me merry and pippin throwing themselves at the uruk hai to distract them from frodo #give me theoden's grand speeches and gandalf's pained expression when frodo says he'll carry the ring #tbh i think that sincerity is a large part of *why* it has such staying power even now #because it is a story you are meant to get deeply emotionally invested in and not hold yourself a little ironically apart from #it isn't meant to sell merch it's meant to bring you to middle-earth and capture your heart and make you believe that the war can be won #with love and loyalty and hope and fellowship and fidelity and integrity and just... just refusing to give in to despair #it is earnest. it is unafraid to be melodramatic or corny because it believes in the story it's telling. #and so it imprinted onto a whole generation growing up right at the cusp of a barrage of apocalypses #anyway. i have Feelings about these movies and their impact and how that mirrors and enhances the books' own impact

[muncaster]

thikning about... bulgakov basing the character margarita after his wife elena... margarita caring so much about the master’s pontius pilate book... “manuscripts don’t burn”... bulgakov ruining drafts of this story during its creation because of heavy soviet censorship... the master grappling with guilt over how attached margarita was to him... margarita insisting there was no other person & story she would rather tether herself too... margarita’s “you know i put my whole life into this work” & the master’s “nothing around me interests me, except her”... bulgakov finishing the master & margarita right before he died... elena keeping the master & margarita hidden for decades during soviet censorship, despite it being highly dangerous to do so... elena publishing it 26 years after bulgakov had died because it was finally safe... manuscripts don’t burn and real love exists because bulgakov had it and he knew it.  he knew it.

#this book has me SO emotional dakjgd;kjghkfdjghkfdj finished it this morning and. and/. #the master and margarita #txt #brainrot book. absolutely #thinking abt many things. but mostly them & pontius pilate #the 'whenever i am remembered you will at once be remembered too' line from yeshua to pilate. EUGH #pain i'm in pain and once again it's the price i pay for growing up catholic. eugh

[beldaroot]

seeing is believing: a resolution to yakumo's grief

one: yakumo states he's cursed and expresses his desire of wanting to see sanada, even as a ghost.

two: yatora's aoj piece is called "beyond the line of sight" and it is a triad painting of yakumo, hacchan, and momo's backs with an empty space left for sanada.

three: momo ends the chapter with the idea that children are the only ones able to see god.

at first i thought these were all separate moments, but they actually are all connected and provide the perfect conclusion to this arc. we can now understand why momo called yakumo a "brat" several chapters ago; yakumo acts like a child over sanada's death because he thought of her like a god and wanted to keep seeing her. he's been "seeing" her as a figment of his imagination, but even that version of sanada has become warped and untrue to the real, previously living sanada. and because he's cursed - either by not being in god's favor or simply because he's growing up (aka moving on) - he's lost the ability to see sanada anymore. she is now, like yatora states in his piece, beyond the line of sight.

by maturing and accepting the death of sanada and her human status, he can no longer see her. but like yotasuke told him last chapter, he can keep the grief he has over sanada with him forever. the next time yakumo and sanada see each other, it will be in death. it is only then that they can finally fulfill their past dream of having a joint exhibition of their art. and while their art is being displayed to be seen by others and can "leave a lasting impression on [their] hearts, for better or worse," they themselves will not be seen and therefore, are free from any worldly burdens :')

#blue period #blue period spoilers #blue period chapter 65 spoilers #bp #i read momo's last line and i was like.... ok? what does that mean loooool #and then it all clicked when you saw yatora's piece name and all the themes of 'seeing' sanada from yakumo #it's such a bittersweet yet perfect way to end this arc - childlike wonder is real but we all have to grow up even if it hurts #but we don't have to forget that pain!!! we can keep it close and we will be free of it in death #cannot wait to see what the next arc for this manga will be!!! hoping to see yuka lol

[bonefall]

Jesus Christ. I've never read Yellowfang's Secret and it's insane to me that what we see of Lizard is supposed to be "evil woman" like from the screenshots you posted this is really and truly someone who is being forced to bear children. Forced to care for them. Lashing out that her husband can keep doing his job and she has to drop everything to care for children she didn't want. And that horrible shit from Ragged oh my God dude.

It's SO fucked up!! That exchange with Hollyflower is HORRIFYING!!!

Like, during the Brokenkit Handoff, she's shouting about not wanting to raise every unwanted kit and how badly she hates this, only for Raggedstar to start bellowing at her to shut her mouth. He's able to "convince" her based on on "ambition" they slapped onto the character in that moment, but when you really step back and look at the context, it just reads like she realizes she has no fucking choice

She's the only queen in the nursery. There was no "saying no"

Especially not to the deputy

NO ONE cares about Lizardstripe as a person, even though she's obviously really uncomfortable about being forced to birth and raise children

"I know she doesn't want this. That's too fucking bad. It's her duty as a woman" -Sagewhisker

I can't get over it. This book doesn't treat her like a person, it treats her like a bad vessel. She's a horrible mother because she DOESN'T WANT THIS, and the narrative condemns her, even partially blames her for A BABY-KILLING TYRANT, because she wasn't happy about the situation she was forced into.

Like... jesus christ!!

#Maybe if the woman forced through birth smiled and acted like a good mother then the Baby-Eating Tyrant wouldn't have ate so many babies #mind you this is in the series where they've gone to great. painful lengths to stress that adoption is Bad and inferior to bio-birth #characters like gray wng raise their children from birth with no knowledge of their bioparents and the kits STILL grow up more connected-- #--to their wifebeating bioparents. #You can be the ideal adoptive parent and they'll still grow up desperate to prove something #but it's lizardstripe's fault that Broken didn't feel loved enough??? When he still had his other parent??? fuck offffff #Can we PLEASE have sympathy for a person who's in an awful situation with no help obviously lashing out because it's the ONE thing she has #agency over?? #Like of course none of these poor kids deserve this #But lizardstripe DOESN'T EITHER

[crumbleclub]

cannot get over the idea of michael having to explain anything traumatic that happened to him well after the fact and it's just. so clear he hasn't dealt with it at all. eyes downcast, voice shaking. he doesn't realize he's crying until somebody tells him.

it's like it's happening all over again.

#this is inspired by three things #one is saffron mike having to explain what it was like to be a runaway teenager to evan #two is evan and mikey talking again in death and evan wanting to understand why mike was how he was when they were little #and three is the idea of mike being made to explain his trauma from foster care to william after he's released #i think what really gets me is like #the increasing horror of things he didn't fully understand while they were happening #the pain can't dull with time if there's new things hitting you as you grow to understand it more and more as life goes on #bc then it never really ended #fnaf #michael afton #mike's stuff

[beansterpie]

rewatching LoK, i'm being reminded how much I dislike the.... the brothers, mako and bolin, yanno? they're such underwhelming characters on basically every level. it'd almost be impressive if they weren't in every episode and didn't annoy me so much ugh

#bean talking into the void #also this show in general is very flawed lol #cool things about it but the choice to structure it more like a #prestige tv show #as in each season follows One Story #is... i wouldn't say it was a bad choice but i feel like you can see the growing pains #switching over from the episodic structure of ATLA #s1 while flawed is solid #it knows what it's trying to do even if it doesn't always stick the landing #season two feels like a season-long filler episode LMFAO #which is hilarious because a lot of world-building stuff happens #but tonally it's all over the place #serious political plots interspersed with the B Plot following Tenzin and his family #on vacation??? #so fucking random #but anyway back to roasting the brothers #i find bolin just annoying in general his brand of comedy totally doesn't work for me #but at least he has like #a personality that's consistent #mako is sooooooo blah #the writers have no idea what to do with him and he comes across as having a strikingly boring personality #with no defining traits other than being wishy washy (and a boot licker) #it FEELS like he was meant to remind viewers of Zuko #at least in appearance if nothing else #another broody pretty boy to latch onto #but he has literally nothing interesting to actually get invested in #sure he's got his tragic backstory and he's the 'older brother who took care of his younger brother after their parents died' boo hoo #but that's all just exposition and it's barely shown in a way that feels illustrative or emotional in any way that matters #(other than him comforting bolin in s1 after he KISSES THE GIRL HE KNEW BOLIN HAD A CRUSH ON lmfaoooooo) #(what a good big brother lmfao)

[justcommander]

No no anons you don't get it!!!! How can we expect a baby to grow up into a decent person and not an evil cult leader if we want to kick it?? Let's pat him on the head instead! Give him bright funky rattlers! He will have to go through growing up and puberty again, that's enough suffering imo

John is truly risking a panic attack every time he thinks about having to literally survive through that.

However, even if Gary got some venom to inject, I think John's body would develop a resistance to it during the years. He'd be the only existing human immune to a demon's venom.

(rebirth AU by @kittyissac)

#faith the unholy trinity #john ward #gary miller #rebirth au #my art #little rattle snake that he is #well actually he'd be a viper from what i know but whatever #my man doesn't feel much pain anyway #not after he set himself on fire #also he loves that toy so much #might be the color might be the shape who knows #BUT yeS REALLY #How to grow him up right when you all kick him???

[quietwingsinthesky]

i do love canon amy & rory but god, does some part of me wish they really had gone with the idea of the doctor picking up a child as a companion (and then later, that child’s best friend with a huge crush on her.) with the rest of the season really not changing at all, except now it’s amelia pond with an angel in her head killing her and lost alone in the woods. it’s little rory who dies and is forgotten and becomes a toy soldier. if this is going to be a fairy tale, then let it be one. children have never been safe in fairy tales.

#it wouldn’t have to change any of the actual plot of the season. except MAYBE amy’s choice but even then i think amy’s choice would be the #one episode where they should be adults. if only for the half where they live in a village in that dream. #because that’s the kind of future that children would dream up. they live in a little cottage and nothing ever goes wrong and their best #friend visits them all the time even though they’ve grown up. #they aren’t actually adults there just children with an idea of what they should be as adults and acting accordingly #and it would still end the same way. #but idk its just. rory’s 2000 years waiting for amy inside the pandorica is already tragic. yes. #now imagine its a kid. a kid in a little roman soldier helmet who will never grow up. who will not leave his best friend. #he loves her and she’s more important than the whole universe and that sort of love is supposed to MEAN something in a fairy tale! #its supposed to melt the ice out of hearts and transform people from stone. #and what that love means here. is that he will have to wait 2000 years. a child and a box. #little rory and the amelia who followed the doctor’s letters to the pandorica. and she doesn’t recognize him again. #and amelia in the pandorica… 2000 years a child trapped in a small box waiting to be rescued. #s5 is already fucked for them but it could be worse. it could be so much worse. #and it would make the doctor choosing to take her place in the pandorica to save the universe later even better. #because who else but the doctor would put the fate of the universe on the shoulders of two children and realize much too late what a #monstrous thing he’d done. and still have to hope. have to hope. that amelia would remember him fondly enough to bring him back to reality. #the logistics of all of this would have been a pain lmao. child labor laws in acting and all that. #BUT. hypothetically. it would have slapped. #doctor who #amy pond #rory williams #<- also this entire time ive been referring to him in my head as rory pond so much that i fuckin. forgot his actual last name. #and then like if you want them to be adults in s6 or whatever you can just timeskip to them getting married and still have amelia remember #the doctor there. it would work. it would. #amelia pond au

[ef-1]

girlhood

#i have to fly out to capetown to see mother and im literally debating if i could land in the morning and leave at night on the same day #like. anything longer than that is going to ruin my year. #when she called and did her “katherine. you have to be here on the 10th” i literally sobbed in my bed for the rest of the day 😍😍😍 #not dyeing my hair black for a year and its getting lighter and lighter everyday and i look like her again #and my therapist telling me “you need to do things for yourself.” but like can i? sorry that woman traumatised me and i actually cant :) #like everything i do is informed by her #I'm going to go and just like everytime the only way to keep my sanity is to mirror her. talk and sit and speak and read and eat like her #and its such a terrifying experience bc i remember that im capable of emulating her viciousness and maybe i am my mother's daugher 🤢🤢🤢 #and im going to come back and its going to take fucking months for me to feel like myself again #“oh you look so beautiful just like your mother” i hope you DIE lol !!! the fact that my conception of beauty was shaped by her #growing up with this cruel beautiful detached woman and realising that at the intersection of beauty and wickness is a lifetime of pain #and still being so desperate for her approval- for any metaphysical proximity to her that i felt elated when #people would tell me i look like her. that it meant i was also beautiful like her and maybe she'll love me a little for it #but now i know for a fact that i do look like her and it makes saliva swell under my tongue - that moment right before you throw up- #when people mention it 😍 #last time i was in capetown my optic neuritis flared up (and i know for a fact it was that it was ms-stress related from having to see her) #and i thought i hid it so well even though i had near constant headaches & lethargy until she said “katherine give me the red notebook” #and i knew that she knew all along. it was so acutely humiliating standing there and knowing she knows i cant see which one is the red one #and she tilted her head and said “whats the matter? do you not know what red looks like?” #im never going to have kids. my mother and i read eachother so well it can only mean im never too far removed from becoming her #lol!!!!!!!!!

[introspectivememories]

touch-starved bernard dowd is sooo canon to me

#hs!bear who had a reputation for sleeping around not bc he particularly enjoyed sex #but bc at least during sex sm1 would touch him #and he'd give anything to be touched like someone wanted him and not bc they were obligated to #college!bear who was initially interested in the pain cult at first but became hooked after they patched him up gently #hs!bear who would drape himself all over his friends and hope this time they wouldn't push him off #bernard dowd who goes his whole life being told by his family that he's too touchy and it makes people uncomfortable #bernard dowd at a young age creating rules for himself after being told time and time again that he makes people uncomfortable #and being unable to follow them bc he loves these people and he knows no other way to show it #bear watching his family shy away bc they don't enjoy and he knows that but why does it feel like they just don't want his touch? #bear breaking all of his rules and hating himself for it. loathing himself bc don't you see bear? you're too needy too touchy. you make #people uncomfortable. and the thing about children who grow up loathing themselves is that they rationalize any affection they recieve #someone from his family hugs him and he thinks to himself: they're only touching me bc they have to. they're uncomfortable doing this. #they're only doing this bc everyone knows how much you like hugs. look dowd you've made someone uncomfortable again. #so he categorizes every touch as Fake or Real but bc he grew up like this every touch is Fake. bc no one really wants to touch him. they're #only doing it bc they have to. bc they're obligated to. #bear who walks around feeling like a stranger in his own skin bc no one will touch him and if they do touch him he can't recognize weather #it's Real or Fake and so the cycle continues. #bernard dowd #dc

[033h]

something I think white feminists continuously fail to understand about woc’s criticism of white feminism is that it’s not that I feel like they failed to include or represent me. It’s that mainstream, white feminism claims that their specific experiences, which are profoundly shaped by their own access to whiteness, can be distilled into some transcendant, universal sisterhood that is assumed to also be (at least mostly the same as) my experience, and it’s not

#and despite growing up middle class in a majority white area their experiences were still so so different from mine #and those differences are so stark to me in what mainstream feminist media fixated on #it also drives me insane how white women can have such deep understanding of the mental and emotional pain that patriarchy inflicts #but then turn around and have literally not a single inkling that much of the pain racism inflicts is also deep beneath the surface #like sure I have some of the same crises but I also have more and those other ones hit harder for me so what does that say about you… idk #what I’m saying is I thought Barbie was mid but had fun sets lol

[jjba-smash-or-pass]

#ok I know I've said in the past that painful Stands can be kinky #but this one taps into my deep-seated fear of having something grow in me #pass from me but especially after I've seen y'all's tags about its user I know there's at least a few of you who want this thing #green day #golden wind #jojo's bizarre adventure