#hs!bear who had a reputation for sleeping around not bc he particularly enjoyed sex

[introspectivememories]

touch-starved bernard dowd is sooo canon to me

#hs!bear who had a reputation for sleeping around not bc he particularly enjoyed sex #but bc at least during sex sm1 would touch him #and he'd give anything to be touched like someone wanted him and not bc they were obligated to #college!bear who was initially interested in the pain cult at first but became hooked after they patched him up gently #hs!bear who would drape himself all over his friends and hope this time they wouldn't push him off #bernard dowd who goes his whole life being told by his family that he's too touchy and it makes people uncomfortable #bernard dowd at a young age creating rules for himself after being told time and time again that he makes people uncomfortable #and being unable to follow them bc he loves these people and he knows no other way to show it #bear watching his family shy away bc they don't enjoy and he knows that but why does it feel like they just don't want his touch? #bear breaking all of his rules and hating himself for it. loathing himself bc don't you see bear? you're too needy too touchy. you make #people uncomfortable. and the thing about children who grow up loathing themselves is that they rationalize any affection they recieve #someone from his family hugs him and he thinks to himself: they're only touching me bc they have to. they're uncomfortable doing this. #they're only doing this bc everyone knows how much you like hugs. look dowd you've made someone uncomfortable again. #so he categorizes every touch as Fake or Real but bc he grew up like this every touch is Fake. bc no one really wants to touch him. they're #only doing it bc they have to. bc they're obligated to. #bear who walks around feeling like a stranger in his own skin bc no one will touch him and if they do touch him he can't recognize weather #it's Real or Fake and so the cycle continues. #bernard dowd #dc