#you should not feel comfortable violating people’s consent | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

torimidori2-blog · 2 months

Text

I'm poly, and I keep getting people who don't understand what the difference between polyamory, open relationships, and cheating, so let this be an educational moment for all the mono people out there.

Polyamorous is when someone is attracted to or in a relationship with more than one person at the same time. This is all with consent from everyone involved. A group of poly people who are dating are called a polycule. Just like regular monogamous relationships, poly relationships can consist of romantic, platonic, sensual, and sexual attraction, and can even be done with people who are aspec (on the ace spectrum).

An open relationship is when someone is attracted to more than one person, but the person who you're dating isn't attracted to the people you date. For example: if the relationship started of monogamous, and you decide you want to open the relationship in order to cater to a specific need that your current partner can't provide, that means you and your partner can see other people outside of your relationship with consent from your partner. Just like poly people, this can also be done between people who are aspec and you could have different reasons for wanting another separate relationship, whether you need a sensual, sexual, romantic, or platonic/queer platonic relationship. In my opinion, I think open relationships should be a last resort after communicating with your partner enough to where you both realize that your relationship needs aren't being met, but you still care enough about each other to still want to be together.

Cheating is when someone in a committed relationship sees other people without consent from their significant other(s). The reason why cheating is bad, is not because they're dating someone else, it's because you trusted them to not break the boundaries of the relationship by seeing other people, and they did anyway.

Even if you're in a poly relationship, you can cheat because if you didn't trust your partners enough to tell them that you're interested in seeing someone else and it breaks their boundaries and makes them feel violated and uncomfortable, that's cheating. It's also a danger to the polycule because they don't know the person you brought in and they weren't aware of you bringing them in. Why would you not tell your cule who you're dating when they're usually comfortable with letting more people in? For all we know, they could hurt the cule, or hurt you, or they could be hiding something themselves.

Someone who tells you that their actually poly after they got caught cheating is a blazing red flag. Cances are, they're just trying to find a valid excuse to cheat and get away with it. Someone who tells you that they want to open a relationship before sorting out the issues in their current relationship is a blazing red flag. Especially if you have a solution to the problems that you're facing, and it could've been solved through negotiating with your partner.

To be honest, as a poly person, I don't understand why cheating is a thing. For one, it could be because being monogamous is the societal norm, and seeing other people is a means of trying to secretly bypass that norm, but I don't think thats the case seeing that there is a whole cheating culture that proudly says that they like to cheat and gloat about how many people they play on a constant basis. It could be the fact that people just think that emotions are a game to be played with, or it could be some sort of insecurity that they have with the relationship they started before they decided to cheat. But fr, can someone tell me the reason why people cheat? I don't understand, and I need a real valid answer. Not some "They were boring and I don't like them anymore." because you can either do one of two things there, break up with them, or talk to them about how you feel and tell them what you want from them moving forward.

#lgbtq #queer #nonbinary #polyamory #poly #asexual #aromantic #aspec #open relationship #poly people aren't cheaters

63 notes · View notes

simplyclary · 4 days

Text

Standing Up for Your Privacy

(Photo edit by me)

Entering Taylor Zakhar Perez's fandom last August 2023 was a moment of joy for me. I admired him for his talent, charm, and the authenticity he brought to his roles. However, my excitement was quickly dampened by a troubling issue: multiple accounts on Twitter threatened to out Taylor about his sexuality and private relationships. This was my first encounter with the darker side of fandom, and it's an experience that still frustrates me deeply to this day.

Outing someone without their consent is a gross violation of privacy and respect. It is an act of betrayal that no one deserves, least of all someone who has given so much joy and inspiration through their work. The fact that this threat was made during Pride Month is not just insensitive; it is a blatant disrespect to a time meant for celebrating acceptance, love, and the right to live openly and authentically.

What makes me angrier is the timing of this threat. It coincided with a particularly difficult period for Taylor and his family, as it is also around the time of the anniversary of his eldest sister Kristy's passing. In such a time of grief and need for personal space, the last thing anyone should have to deal with is an invasion of their privacy. It’s a heartless act that shows a complete lack of empathy and understanding.

It seems that some people did not learn from the powerful speech delivered by Taylor’s character, Alex Claremont-Diaz, in "Red, White & Royal Blue." The speech poignantly addresses the pain and violation of being forced out of the closet. Yet, here we are, facing a repetitive issue that disregards the very message that resonated with so many fans. It’s disheartening to see that some individuals in the fandom have missed the essence of that message entirely.

For me, it doesn’t matter whether Taylor is queer or not. What truly matters is his happiness and comfort. I want him to live his life on his own terms, without fear of being exposed or judged. His personal life should remain personal, and he deserves the same respect and privacy that we all do.

To share a personal anecdote from January 2024. I came across an old video posted by Taylor’s sister, Maria. In the video, Taylor was wearing what appeared to be a wedding ring. While some fans might have jumped to conclusions, I didn't think much of it, however, I did share some of my feelings and thoughts to some people through Twitter DMs. To me, all that mattered was that he seemed happy. His well-being is what’s truly important, not the details of his personal relationships.

Taylor owes us nothing beyond his projects and the work he shares with the world. We should respect his boundaries and allow him to share what he wants, when he wants. It’s never okay to force someone to come out, especially not an actor who has chosen to keep certain aspects of their life private.

Personally, as a Scorpio empath, I find it impossible not to be deeply affected by such invasions of privacy. Every time this issue comes up, it infuriates me. It's not just about respecting Taylor; it’s about recognizing the basic human right to privacy and autonomy. The protective energy I have for Taylor make every issue against him extra emotional for me. Sometimes, it makes me want to cry because I feel the unfairness of the situation.

To the fans who think it's acceptable to pry into someone’s personal life, I beg you to reconsider. Think about how you would feel if your privacy were invaded in such a way. Celebrities are people too, and they deserve the same respect and consideration that we all do.

To Taylor, if you ever read this, please know that there are countless fans who support you unconditionally. We admire you not only for your talent but also for your strength and authenticity. We stand with you, respecting your right to privacy and autonomy.

Let’s create a fandom that upholds these values, where we celebrate our favorite stars without crossing the lines of decency and respect. We can love and support Taylor without needing to know every detail of his personal life. Let’s focus on the incredible work he does and the joy he brings us, and let’s stand against those who seek to invade his privacy.

To wrap it up, it's never acceptable to force someone out of the closet. Respect Taylor’s privacy, celebrate his work, and remember that at the end of the day, his happiness and comfort are what truly matter. Let’s be better fans and better people by showing empathy and respect for all.

Peace!

#red white and royal blue #rwrb #taylor zakhar perez #alex claremont diaz #tzp

31 notes · View notes

akashigadabi · 1 year

Text

There’ll Be Hell To Pay

Pairing: Yandere All For One x Consenting Gender Neutral Reader

Summary: After Reader comes home in tears with a visible bruise on their cheek, All For One comforts them and promises to “take care” of the offender.

Word Count: 3230

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Yandere, Homicidal energy/rage/urges (not directed at Reader), Consensual Relationship, Ambiguous Morality/Moral Ambiguity (Reader), various mentions of murder and bloodlust, implied/referenced past non-con/sa, implied/referenced sh + sa, anxiety/panic attack (hinted at, averted), implied/referenced ptsd/trauma

Genre: Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Angst with a Happy Ending, Humor

Style: Present Tense, POV 2nd Person

*Note that Reader isn’t explicitly stated as one sex/gender or race/ethnicity—Tumblr just has a shitty gif selection tool on mobile and I couldn’t find any others that fit this scenario after looking for half an hour.

“Who did this to you?”

The cold undertone lining the softly spoken words sends a shiver down your spine. All For One sounds three seconds away from committing a homicide. The dangerous edge to his voice promises death to anyone involved, and not a swift one. The perpetrator or perpetrators would suffer by his hand, their deaths as slow and painful as he could manage. The darkest part of you relished in that knowledge, even as you stood there crying in near-silence.

Gods weep, you feel weak.

You couldn’t look at him. An All For One incandescent with rage truly offers a terrifying sight to behold. An eldritch abomination apoplectic with an unholy rage that made you tremble in its presence, though not out of fear. You know deep in your bones that this man, one dangerous as they come, would never hurt you. Boogeyman of the underworld and its undisputed king or not, he would never dream of laying a hand on you. Adrenaline coursing through your veins like poison causes half the pathetic shivering you can’t force to abate no matter how much you call yourself a weakling for the show of vulnerability in your head.

Yet you could not look at him, at your fearsome husband, eyes averted toward a rather hideous, if disgustingly expensive, painting on the spotless cream wall. Tears stream from swollen, reddened eyes. It shouldn’t rattle you nearly as much as it does, but somehow you can’t stop thinking about the catcaller bold enough to grab you, bold enough to strike you, even if you stuck back at him twice as hard because you learned early on the hard way that if you don’t have enough of a backbone to stand up for yourself, people will walk all over you. That would never happen again, not as long as you live. Even All For One would not raise a hand against you (unless you ask, of course), though that comes from his affection for you rather than any sort of fear of the reprisal you might intact in return.

That being said, some strange man was most certainly not allowed to hit you, let alone have physical contact with you in any other way. Before today, no one who knows who you really are, who knows the identity of your husband, would have the sheer audacity to touch you. That vile man you’d encountered earlier clearly has no idea who he’d harassed, not that he should be harassing anyone. Either that, or he has some bizarre sort of Death Wish™ and/or has lost the desire to live.

Who in their right mind would dare to grope, grab, or slap the loved one of someone so inclined toward homicide as a solution to nearly all their problems? Part of you wants to kill such a loathsome piece of shit yourself, though a larger part feels too shaken by the assault—for it had involved an assault, since the man hit you when you objected to being catcalled and groped on the way home—to do more than cry now that you feel safe enough to fully process those earlier events.

You feel so violated even though nothing worse happened to you. You’d decked the fucker hard enough to loosen one of his teeth, to make him bleed, and that had broken his hold long enough for you to haul ass back to your primary house, half afraid he might try to pursue you. Despite that victory, despite the safety of your environment, and despite a clear proximity to your mate, your heart still gallops along with all the finesse of a jackhammer. Blood continues to rush in your ears and the metallic tang in your mouth has yet to leave your tongue. Your breath stutters as if on the verge of hyperventilating, and your body remains so keyed up in all the worst ways that you flinch when your lover reaches out to caress your cheek with all the tenderness of someone handling a delicate treasure.

“My heart,” the self-proclaimed Demon King whispers, a note of devastation and barely restrained fury thrumming through every syllable. “Tell me who did this to you. Who dared to leave a bruise on you? Hmm? Tell me so I can take care of it.”

You want to tell him, you do, however, you can’t. Not at the moment. Not with your throat clogged by your emotions. The encounter opened an old wound, awakening a trauma you thought you left behind years ago. It gums up your lips so you can scarcely part them. A fresh wave of tears falls even as you lean into the gentle brush of knuckle against flesh still throbbing from impact. You sniffle, then, reaching out to anchor yourself in reality, in his comforting presence, lest your treacherous mind tries to drag you into some of your more unpleasant memories. A whimper somehow manages to escape your otherwise uncooperative mouth.

All For One, someone who should arguably not serve as a source of reassurance for anyone, draws you into his embrace. Instead of steel bars blocking out your means of escape, his strong arms instead offer a means of support and security. You allow him to bring you to his chest, until you’re leaning fully into him, uninjured cheek pressing firmly to his broad, muscular chest. Either all that murder keeps him fit, or he works out on a regular basis outside of your exercise routine together. Man’s jacked, and you love it, though it’s harder to appreciate it when you’re in such a frazzled state that you’ve gone nonverbal.

Signing isn’t even a real option at the moment with your fingers curled into his suave dress shirt like claws. The only option at hand comes from your bond, and you’ve been closing that off as much as possible to avoid the ugly truth filtering through. You’re just too overwhelmed to deal with more than clinging to your supervillain husband as you cry into his nice button-up, woven using some fancy ass fabric blend. He wears it with you in mind, since you have sensitive skin. He doesn’t want it to hurt you on the odd day you decide to put it on yourself, or during your clothed cuddle sessions when you rub your face against his chest.

One of his hands—as large as your head, because All For One really is such a large man—cups the back of your head. His long, elegant fingers tickle the skin of your neck, with his index finger curled at your nape and his pinky flirting with your spine. This close to his skin, his scent hits you full-on in the face even through his clothes. He refrains from wearing any cologne that might trigger respiratory issues in you, so the sinful way he smells is all natural, which makes it all the more attractive.

You close your eyes to soak it in as you allow him to fuss over you, using one of his Quirks to scan you for further damage. You sense it sweeping through you, stroking every cell with the care of a devoted lover. The man hums as he presses a kiss to the crown of your skull, his nose lingering amongst your hair as he inhales your scent in turn. You’re both sensual people, each equally guilty of indulging in satisfying the instinctive primal urge to fully submerge your senses in the other’s presence.

Vibrations rumble through his chest beneath your ear when he addresses you again. It soothes something in you to feel them buzzing against your ear, complimenting the flutter of his own heart. It beats at a rate that informs you he’s agitated, though not with you so much as over your current state. You arrived home visibly distraught and evidently sporting an already darkening bruise on your face. You could think of few things that would quicken him into righteous fury faster than a single hair on your head coming to harm. He would kill for you in an instant. All you had to do was direct his ire toward the appropriate target and he’d be more than happy to lay the corpse of that unfortunate soul at your feet.

All For One wraps his other arm around your waist. He uses it to rub your lower back while activating a catlike Quirk to purr in a further attempt to calm you down enough to communicate with him. His body heat radiates into the bubble of space around you. The air itself crackles with tension, permeated by the scent of ozone. A far away rumble of thunder booms in the distance. You wonder if it’s pure chance, or if he has a Quirk that affects the weather. His stormy mood surely isn’t helping if he does. He may be doing his damndest to alleviate your stress, but his own still shows.

“I can’t help make it better unless you work with me, little love,” All For One croons in his silkiest attempt at coaxing you for information yet. “Please help me understand.”

The earnest yearning to make it right—though the phrasing holds a different connotation for someone like him—finally breaks your resolve. You manage to pull yourself together enough to make your thoughts coherent, even if aural speech still escapes you. One last sniff precedes you opening up the mental channel of communication between you two, something only possible due to your Quirk. It had started as an Empathy Quirk that the two of you strengthened through him taking a copy of it so you could experiment with its applications together. With you each possessing the Quirk, you discovered you could both use it to communicate through touch.

A flood of images, sounds, and emotions cascades through the bond between you. You try to keep it short and sweet, though he seems more interested in replaying the memory a second and third time to memorize the face of the attacker. Since he didn’t experience it in person, he doesn’t have a sense of your attacker’s Quirk, so he has to rely on his appearance alone. No doubt he’ll order one of his people to snag the footage from any nearby cameras so he can hunt down his prey. A phantom whiff of blood blooms in your nostrils, a product of the thick cloud of bloodlust exuded from his every pore. The man in your memory is already as good as dead. All For One has laid eyes on him. There’s nowhere in Japan—or on earth—that he can run or hide.

All For One exhales before angling his face downward to nuzzle into the crook of your neck. Tension lines his form, even as he holds you close, not letting the indignation of such an act disturb the comfort he wishes to offer you. Despite that, leashed wrath bubbling on a slow simmer boils in his blood. You can taste it as vividly as a strong wine. It bathes your tongue, sharp and sweet. It evokes a heady sensation in you, making your head spin as if you’ve imbibed far too much champagne for one night. You feel light and protected in his arms, witnessing his wrath in quiet awe like an astronomer watching the birth of a new star so bright you can’t view it head-on for fear of being blinded.

“Thank you.”

Palpable relief coats the entire sentence. Relief that he now knows the source of your distress. Relief that he can eliminate that source. Relief that you weren’t further harmed by that stranger. Relief that you stand safely in his grasp. The emotion slithers down the bond, bleeds through his skin, wraps you in a warm cocoon that soothes rather than smothers. Like a weighted blanket swaddling you in soft pressure. Steady in its firm hold without crushing you under its bulk.

You nod even as you offer a low hum of agreement. All For One grounds you, his crisp energy helping to clear your mind as the minutes tick by. He doesn’t rush you despite the itch to kill suffusing his being. The thirst to spill the blood of the one who dared to lay a finger on you ripples under the surface of the tranquility and security he pushes toward you in waves. It reassures you in its own way. Reprisal would come swift and sure for your errant catcaller turned assailant. The same man could not—would not—hurt or harass you again.

Your breathing finally evens out as you slump against him, boneless and suddenly exhausted. As if sensing the shift in your demeanor, All For One scoops you into his arms, literally sweeping you off your feet into a bridal carry. One smooth transition later sees him carrying you to your shared bedroom with ease, muscles rippling under the fabric of his expensive suit. He continues past the bed to the master bath, where he undresses you with loving care. He closes the toilet lid and sets you onto it long enough to undress you both, then helps you shower. You could do it yourself (even if you’d need to spend the better part of half an hour just standing under the stream staring numbly at the wall until you could collect yourself), but you allow him this indulgence. It smooths out your frayed nerves as much as it satiates something else in him.

Ten minutes later, he dries off both of you, taking the time to gently pat the water droplets off of your skin, then carries you back to the bed. He leaves your side only long enough to retrieve a gown for you. Silk glides against your skin as he redresses you, leaving goosebumps in its wake, yet it’s not sexual. Not right now. Not when he touches the unhurt side of your face as if the slightest bit of pressure would bruise it too. With your sensitive skin, it probably could if done in just the right way. Under normal circumstances, such ginger contact would seem overly cautious. Now, knowing he’s taking extra care not to worsen your physical or mental condition after an attack, it feeds something in you. You can take care of yourself, and you don’t rely on him to intimidate every shadow and strong gust of wind, but gods does it feel good to be taken care of like this.

‘Love you,’ you sign, at last not feeling like as much of a wreck. You pulse a strong burst of affection through the bond as you look up at him, using the skin contact to send the image of a kiss. All For One grins, teeth flashing in one of his trademark smirks. The supervillain wears the expression of the cat that got the canary.

“I know,” he replies out loud, to which you roll your eyes in fond exasperation. Smug prick. Equally fond chuckles tumble from his mouth as he withdraws his touch to sign his response. Between the two of you, you have signed speech, aural speech, your bond, and, perhaps hilariously, Morse code as avenues of communication. You two learned together to leave no stone unturned. Besides providing ample means for you to express yourself during one of your nonverbal episodes, multiple communication alternatives raises the chance no one could eavesdrop on your conversations or catch on to you sending each other messages, whether it be agents of the government, one of those pesky vigilantes that opposed him, or a rival villain.

‘Love you too.’

You huff yet say nothing further as he tucks you into bed. At first you’re not sure if he intends to join you now or immediately storm off to capture then maim or torture the current #1 Unlucky Asshole of Japan. Because of course he wouldn’t let the man die easily. He’d probably have him screaming for a few hours until the schmuck could spit up blood.

Pleasant surprise curls in your chest when he climbs in with you. He tugs you to his chest again, still naked as he spoons you. His fingertips brush your cheek again. This time, healing energy floods the smarting tissue until only echoes of remembered pain remain. All For One buries his face into your neck again, trailing kisses along the exposed skin. He drops one last one to the underside of your ear, hips flush to yours. However, his cock remains soft, or at least doesn’t get hard enough to do anything with it. He holds you to him with one hand splayed across your belly, arm hooked around your waist again. His knees knock into the back of your thighs, and his feet slide against yours.

“Sleep, my dear one. He won’t be able to put his disgusting hands on you ever again.”

You believe him. After all, he’s All For One, and if he wants someone dead, they’re dead. It might horrify someone else, but not you. To you it feels like an overt declaration of his love. A sacred vow. A display of his undying devotion. A gift from a doting husband to his beloved wife.

No one could stand against you because he’d cut them down himself—whether you could do it through your own power or not. Your enemies are his enemies, just as his are yours. A slight against you is a slight All For One can’t let stand. Some fool deigned to touch you, and worse, had done so without your permission, therefore committing the highest offenses he possibly could, as if he had determined he should do everything he could to spit in All For One’s face.

The man’s many interconnected sins signed his own death warrant. All For One is always merciless to his enemies as well as anyone who represents a threat to you. Any man who even breathes too aggressively in your direction counts as one, and this man decided to commit greater sins than that. The brazen bastard hit you after leering at you, catcalling you, grabbing you, and groping you. Most damning of all, your Quirk allowed All For One to witness it himself in real time high definition once you ran into the villain’s arms distraught and seeking sanctuary.

If ever All For One could possess an ounce of mercy, today would not be that day. Not where it concerns your well-being. He’s yours, and you’re his. No one possesses the privilege to hurt someone who’s his.

Someone out on the street now has hell to pay tomorrow. A dead man walking, for All For One would personally see to that man’s demise. That fucker hurt you, so he had to die. Simple, really.

All For One only provides so many chances for people. Chances this stranger managed to blow in one fell swoop. You don’t pity that stranger. You still feel a little gross deep down inside of yourself, even with your ferocious supervillain husband cuddling you.

You force yourself to relax enough to do as All For One asks. You know when you wake, he’ll be on the warpath. Right now, however, he seems almost peaceful as he projects his adoration for you at your person. Streaks of unfettered bloodlust still color the positive emotions he layers around you. Knowledge of its source puts you at ease. You drift off to sleep knowing deep in your heart that you’re the safest person/spouse in the world.

187 notes · View notes

threadsun · 8 months

Note

Man I just feel so fucking bad for Sauce. Like, I completely understand not being able to take criticism without apologizing, and that's what I saw in that recent post. It's not like... Morally Wrong or Failing Your Audience if some of them genuinely feel awful after playing your demo because it hit too close to home. Sometimes art just makes you feel bad and you have to deal with that. Honestly, the demo made ME feel bad after I first played it, and I had to step away and do some self-care. And it's okay to make art that has that effect! It's not harmful! It's not evil! The content warnings were there, and I read them, and it just hit me in a weird place that yandere horror usually doesn't. At this point I'm less concerned about the game itself changing and more concerned about how this will affect Sauce's perception of themself as a person and an artist. Because they didn't do anything wrong by making the demo exactly the way it was at the start.

Oh absolutely!! I think it kinda comes back to the fact that so many people don't understand how consent works. Like so many people think "this thing made me uncomfortable" = "this thing/the person who made this thing violated my consent" and that's just not true!!

Choosing to engage with art that is appropriately tagged (or you are aware is untagged, meaning it could have triggering content) means you have consented to it. That consent can be revoked at any time by disengaging with the work. But if you choose to engage with it, you are consenting.

The same way that when you engage in sex or kink with someone, you may not have a good time. You may be left with uncomfortable feelings or even feeling violated. But if you were giving enthusiastic consent throughout then your partner did not violate your consent. You pushed your own limits too far, and that happens! That's okay! And it sucks when it happens, and that's also okay! But no one is at fault there, especially not the person you gave consent to.

It's the same with art. The artist is providing you with something you can choose whether or not to engage with. Choosing to engage with it is consenting. The feelings that come up after that are not the fault of the artist unless they explicitly made it unclear what the content would involve (as in said there wouldn't be triggering content but there was). Your consent was not violated. You may feel bad, and you may have to step back and do some self-care, but that's not the fault of the author.

I've personally experienced that before. Both in sex and in reading fiction. But the onus is on me to deal with those feelings and learn for next time. Art is inherently a form of scene, and as long as the real people involved are all consenting, then there is nothing morally wrong with whatever happens in the art, no matter how it makes you feel.

And I fully agree with you, the original demo did what it set out to do! It made people feel unsafe and uncomfortable with this person who looked and sounded like they should make you feel safe and comfortable! That's the essence of the horror of sdj in my opinion, and they delivered! And the fact that people are trying to make Sauce feel guilty for succeeding with their art, just because these fans weren't able to manage their own emotions and reactions, is absolutely ridiculous and damaging! No one should have to deal with that, and I feel really bad for them.

#patchwork-fool #sunshine #asks #18+ only

48 notes · View notes

zvtara-was-never-canon · 4 months

Note

https://www.tumblr.com/burst-of-iridescent/681611862661545984/so-i-saw-this-kataang-post-on-instagram-and-you

thoughts?

(I won't get into the Korra stuff because I honestly don't fucking remember it, but I do know pretty much EVERY character was ruined in it in some way, so it's not something exclusive to Kataang)

"i get emotional over the fact that she never got back even a fraction of this comfort and support, even when she most needed it" Excuse me?????

Aang trying to offer her some sense of childhood back in the first damn episode, before she had ever done anything for him? Aang backing her up when Pakku doesn't want to teach her?

Aang saying she gives him hope as an apology for how he had been acting since Appa's kidnaping? Aang letting go of his attachment to her to go into the Avatar State to BOTH prevent the Fire Nation from taking over Ba Sing Se and help Katara out when she was having to fight a lot of people at once?

Aang asking her to dance with him with he noticed she was feeling left out? The way all of her friends, Aang very much included, were comforting her after Hama forced her to use bloodbending? Both Zuko and Aang checking on her after she decided not to kill Yon Rah?

Fuck that noise, Katara was loved, cherished, and supported by Aang every step of the way.

"Couldn’t give up his unhealthy attachment to her to control the very state that put her in so much danger in the first place, despite knowing that’s what she would want"

Again, he DID give up on said attachment. That's why Azula fucking killed him. Motherfuckers don't even PRETEND to have watched the show anymore, my god.

"i get emotional over the fact that this boy would later violate her boundaries, and never apologize for it, and in fact get rewarded with her romantic affections"

He kissed her without consent one time, yes, that was bad, and Aang clearly feels bad. And Katara rightfully shuts him down when it happens aka he was not rewarded for it.

And very funny that this is once again coming from fans of Zutara - the ship that only exists because of fics in which Katara falls in love with Zuko after being raped by him in the pirate episode.

"and most of all, i get emotional over the fact that this is seen as some kind of beautiful romantic act, when it is, in actuality, an incredibly terrifying and saddening burden that katara should never have had to shoulder"

Once again, this is coming from Zutara fans. The people that romanticize Zuko going with her on a mission to murder someone. That get annoyed Katara didn't "embrace" the power she supposedly discovered when Hama took advantage of her and threatened both Katara and her friends. The people that love the scene with Zuko fighting against, and being burned by, yet another family member, nearly dying, and then seeing that family member that is younger than him have a total breakdown - because Katara was there with him.

THEY can enjoy tense, downright traumatic moments of the narrative when it puts their ship in the spotlight. Kataang fans doing the same however is disrespectful to Katara.

FUCK OFF!

#anti zutara #pro kataang #pro aang #pro katara

30 notes · View notes

pruning-the-minds-garden · 1 year

Text

On Trust

Lets talk about trust in kink generally, and in hypnokink specifically. First, about Proximal Trust, then about Trusting me, and last about Accountability.

Something I want, I need people in the hypnokink space - and in general, really - to watch out for is Proximal Trust. This is when [Person A] gains a level of perceived trust or integrity in the eyes of other people, by being associated with (in proximity to) [Person B]. A concrete example: "I've seen HypnoDude being friendly with and sharing the content of SpiralChain for ages, and I trust SpiralChain, so HypnoDude has to be legit..."

Let me let Gen. Ackbar tell you what that is -

There are a lot of people I talk to in the hypnokink community, who exist in a space where... well... it's not that I think they're untrustworthy, but at the same time I cannot attest directly to whether they are trustworthy and respectful partners. That's not because I have doubts about them as people, but because I have never interacted with them in that specific way. They've never been sexually, kinkstually or whatever interested in me, nor I them, and that is a very different level of interaction to, "hey how's the weather? You like D&D 5E? Oh cool, so what's your favorite kind of induction?"

I cannot, and you should not, assume that just because someone is able to maintain a friendship with me without setting off alarm bells in my head, that they are a considerate, ethical, and compatible partner. It is just not a good or safe assumption to make. Yes, a lot of really skeevy people will squick me out and I will avoid them right off the jump... but a lot of others won't.

Cloaking one's predatory nature or broken stair-ness in order to get in the proximity of trusted folks is a great strategy to get access to a more steady stream of potential partners, and so it is one oft employed. And, it often works. I cannot possibly vouch for everyone I interact positively with, nor everyone who shares my content, nor everyone who upvotes or likes my ideas. I can only vouch for the small circle of people I've actually had intimate interactions with or whom I've directly seen interacting in that way for a long enough time to feel comfortable drawing conclusions from said observations. I wish predators and unethical actors and broken stairs came with badges, but sadly they do not.

If you have questions about individuals, ask me about them in DM. I will tell you what I know, and admit what I do not (which is often a lot). I will be as honest and forthright as possible, to give you the ability to make an honest risk assessment for yourself. I'm always here to help, too, should things should go awry, in whatever way you deem necessary. I limit the extent to which I publicly call people out to those people who have, in my eyes, repeatedly and unapologetically done things that cross serious ethical lines, and for whom there is sufficient and publicly-available evidence.

On a related note, everything I said above about other people applies to me, too. I know I make a lot of content on ethics and safety and consent and that might recommend to suspicion that I'm "automatically" a trustworthy person. I'ma let Gen. Ackbar take that one again -

Don't assume you can trust me. I really do appreciate that I've helped people, it means a ton to me. It matters. I am really, really, really super glad to have made the amount of difference - however big or small it is - that I have. I'm grateful for all of your support and accolades and all of that.

However.

No amount of difference, no amount of kudos, no amount of good a person could do, ever, makes them automatically worthy of your trust. That goes double in an intimate, kink context. Always, always, always vett your potential intimate and kink partners as best you can. Just because someone has a bunch of good friends, that does not mean that can't then turn around and be a consent violating asshole in the proverbial (or literal) bedroom. Just because someone talks a good - or great - game, that doesn't mean that when push comes to shove they aren't sus as hell. Vett. Your. Partners. Please. Not doing so does not excuse unethical or injurious behavior on their part - that's their doing and their failing, not yours - but it will help greatly to keep you safe. In an ideal world it would not be required, but we don't live in that ideal world, and until we do we have to live in the one we do.

That brings us to Accountability. I've said a lot here about not trusting the wrong people, so I want to make something absolutely, crystal clear: if someone does something hurtful to you, that is THEIR fault, not yours. Where you put your trust and how you vett people does matter but it does not, in any way, to any extent, make the things that happen to you "your fault." Accountability for those hurtful, abusive actions is 100% on the shoulders of the people who do them. It will never be anywhere else. All of the above - vetting, proximal trust, etc - is said with a mind to practicality and self-protection, to keeping you safe in the future, and not with even a hint of suggestion of blame or responsibility for anything. I know that when you are in the grips of something like that it can be easy to get into a blame, shame or self-hate spiral, wondering how you could let something like that happen and... you didn't. Things like that don't passively occur, they are actively pursued, and done so in ways that specifically overcome or bypass or evade the protective mechanisms that we all use to keep that from being done to us. It's. Not. Your. Fault.

Is this in response to a specific situation? Yes. More than one, honestly. Am I going to spill the proverbial tea? If I was going to, I would have already. I value given promises of privacy and even implicit ones far more than the social currency of naming-and-shaming and "✨#drama✨". If the time comes for that, though, rest assured it will happen. In the mean time, I'll do what I can to see that people are safe, healthy, and steps are taken to prevent future harm, as appropriate. I care about this community and I want to do right by it, and by all of you, as best I can.

#hypnokink #hypnokink community #safety #consent #trusting people

136 notes · View notes

neoarchipelago · 5 months

Note

tw for rape and sorta mentions of suicide (just basically saying kys in context ) for those very sensitive or triggered by these!!

but like i went through all the posts i could find and they never said anything bad about non con or dubcon she said rape fics were bad- and the point of her being a “hypocrite” for writing dubcon confuses me as why would someone who didnt support that stuff write it? it doesn’t make sense to me. i understand not liking her point on the kys bit but you guys got really hung up on it and completely missed the point of it about literal rape being romanticized and used as a fetish, not noncon and the likes used as a coping mechanism. it breaks my heart to see especially from people i supported and enjoyed a lot and got me into this community supporting rape. ive dealt with lots of sexual assults and have been raped myself a few times starting from a young age and let me tell you, its horrible. me and my boyfriend do get quite rough at times and do indulge in things like noncon- something that is used to cope and can help- and it is so much different than actually being raped. if you like it rough and dirty trust me girl i completely get it but actually being raped is the most demeaning, violating, and live devastating things that can happen- not to mention the other physical side affects of it. not trying to spread hate, maybe i should be for supporting it, but im more just sad? like seeing a community im so into and my biggest comfort character ( who also has dealt with rape) supporting and defending it all just feels like a betrayal and so debilitating. so many of my safe spaces have been ruined in a physical and metaphysical sense and it just reminds me of the sa when i was a teenager and other boys on my team (i was raped and abused by multiple wrestlers as i was the only girl in the sport in a very large state wide tournament hosted by my school) joking about it and making it not serious not taking me serious and sexualizing the whole situation and thinking i was lucky for a chick. just sickening and heartbreaking to see and the worst throwback thursday ever.

Hi love. First of all, I'm truly sorry of what happened to you. No one should ever have to go through that and you are truly amazingly strong.

Thank you for sharing your point through respect and calm.

I'd like to throw you back to this essay that explains my point of view here. Of course, it's understandable if you don't accept it. I'm not here to convince anyone on this. This is sharing a point of view.

Here, hoping that you fully understand.

This will however be the last time I'll debate on this subject, further comment or anons will simply get a copy paste.

THIS CONTAINS SA , SH AND SEXUAL CONTENT, BE CAREFUL

I- dub-con, non-con and CNC kink in fiction.

A- the place of these themes in fiction and how it separated from reality.

I think the line has to be drawn. A line people seem to forget too easily. Obviously, rape is a horrible thing. This fact has never been refuted in any fics or novels or books. No writer will ever tell you, ‘rape is awesome and soooo romantic’.

Fiction is absolutely fiction. We are aware of it. There's a big difference. This obviously something readers choose to read being aware of fiction. Being aware that the real thing is horrible. Warnings and tags are always there to avoid readers unaware of it.

B- the differences with other themes

One thing I've been asked is what kind of difference writing rape is from writing dub-con or even pedophilia?

On dub-con, the line is blurred. Softer, protagonist may be in a path where the sexual action is wanted but blocked by the mind or pushed to it by the other protagonist, forcing their own need to give in. It is still seen as rape as consent is not fully given. There's not much difference from non-con. Writers usually use this tag to avoid any triggers to people.

For pedophilia, let's see this in a more details. I think we can all agree that all these themes, dub-con, CNC, non con, always involve adults. Whatever it is the kink, or in stories, it’s adults. Adults who are aware of what sex is and what this kink it. Children should never be near any of those themes. It's not about kinks anymore, children don't have kinks.

II- the reality of voicing your opinion on internet

A- SA victims and SH victims, sexual shame

Now there's something we need to talk about. Writing theses themes are used by many as a coming mechanism. SA victims may often use these writings to help the aftermath of these events in their own life.

In the kink itself it's something that obviously causes a lot of shame towards people who are not part of it. But many things need to be said. It's a need for a control of a situation that is dangerous and traumatizing. It's a sign of truth with your partner. Fiction is a way to live that fantasy in full safety as they are clearly aware of the truth of that situation in real life.

Now the thing that has started this whole conversation was the ‘don’t forget to tell rape kink writers to off themselves’.

It is not a small detail. Not at all!

This is where fiction is separated from reality. You are telling a real person to commit a real act that could lead to fatal consequences.

Obviously I think we’re all aware that many people on this website suffer from depression, self harm tendencies and bullying. I do too. Your words matter. Trust me. We’ve seen it with Inquisitor’s death while a live TikTok.

Many other tiktokers who had helped not only spread rumors but bully the creator only realized their mistake once he killed himself.

This is a no turn back situation.

Do you think you have the guts to wake up in the morning, knowing someone killed themselves because they wrote something you were against? That you are the reason they died? Their families are grieving?

You can find an article on the CNC kink here:

-https://www.choosingtherapy.com/consensual-non-consent/

B- respect even through anger

We have established one thing. The internet is a wild, free universe. Anyone can say or write or post whatever they want.

You are free to voice out your opinion, anger amongst these binary and servers. But one thing that is not ok is the way you say it.

A point doesn't need to be full of hate or threats to be said. Especially when serious consequences could be blown by it.

Everyone has their opinion, things they don't like. You are free to avoid tags, not read, block people. Protect yourself first. But attacking isn't protecting yourself. You’re simply causing another kind of harm.

People need to own up to their words and actions.

If you tell someone to kill themselves, it's horrible. It's an actual crime. A full crime.

7 notes · View notes

chattingwiththelightkeeper · 6 months

Text

The Daily D/S For 12/05/23:

How Do You Feel About Titles In BDSM?

In BDSM the use of titles holds a unique and profound importance. Titles, often referred to as honorifics or honorific titles, play a crucial role in defining roles, establishing boundaries, and fostering a sense of respect within BDSM relationships. Today we will explore the significance of titles in a lifestyle context, emphasizing the special meaning they can hold in relationships, the necessity for titles to be earned, and why demanding an honorific can be a red flag.

In BDSM relationships, titles serve as symbolic markers that define the roles and dynamics between partners. Whether it be "Dominant," "Master," "Mistress," "Daddy," or other honorifics, these titles

communicate the power exchange and responsibilities within the relationship.

Titles in BDSM relationships carry a special and intimate meaning. They go beyond mere labels, representing a mutual agreement and understanding between partners about their roles, desires, and the power dynamics they wish to explore together.

Within the BDSM community, titles are earned through trust, respect, and the demonstration of compatibility between partners. The process of earning a title involves time, communication, and the establishment of a strong foundation of trust. This ensures that the power exchange is consensual and based on mutual understanding.

A red flag in BDSM is when a person demands to be addressed by a specific honorific without considering the feelings, comfort, or consent of others. Demanding a title without earning it or without mutual agreement violates the principles of consensual power exchange and can indicate a lack of respect for boundaries.

Consent is paramount in BDSM relationships. Forcing or demanding the use of a specific title without the other party's consent undermines the core principles of consensual power exchange. Consent should extend not only to physical activities but also to the language and titles used within the relationship.

The essence of BDSM lies in the respect for boundaries and the negotiation of activities that all parties are comfortable with. Demanding a title without regard for the other person's comfort demonstrates a lack of respect for their autonomy and can be indicative of potential issues within the relationship.

Open and honest communication is fundamental in BDSM relationships. Instead of demanding titles, people must engage in discussions about their desires, expectations, and comfort levels. Negotiating titles and honorifics should be a collaborative process that takes into account the feelings and boundaries of all parties involved.

In conclusion, the use of titles in BDSM relationships is a complex and nuanced aspect that goes beyond mere labels. These titles hold special meaning, symbolizing the consensual power exchange and dynamics within the relationship. Titles must be earned through trust and mutual understanding. Demanding to be called by an honorific, without considering the principles of consent and respect, is a red flag that signals potential issues within the relationship. In the world of BDSM, titles should be embraced as a result of mutual consent, respect, and ongoing communication that characterizes healthy and consensual power dynamics.

How do you feel about the use of titles in BDSM?

If you enjoyed this, I invite you to give my podcast a listen 'Chatting With The Lightkeeper,' a top 25% most-followed podcasts on Spotify but available on all the major podcasting apps and follow my socials for more exclusive content: Instagram, Facebook, and X (formerly Twitter) for a deeper dive into the wonderful world of D/S.

As with all of my thoughts, please see this disclaimer.

©TLK2023

#d/s relationship #bd/sm community #dom/sub #d/s community #my writing #the daily d/s #bd/sm blog #bd/sm daddy #bd/sm kink #bd/sm lifestyle #bd/sm relationship #d/s

10 notes · View notes