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boydepartment · 11 months

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Enhypen as Taylor Swift songs

THIS HAS SCENARIOS W THEM MATCHING THE SONG TOO

fun fact abt me, i sang taylor swift in my schools talent show as a kid <3 i love taylor swift still foerfnerjkge

MASTERLIST

Jungwon as New Romantics-

You probably ran into Jungwon at a coffee shop or something cliche like that. You both are busy people but you want to be crazy and still feel young and stupid. Both you and Jungwon will sneak out of your dorms and do late night walks which end up into races to the random playgrounds. You don't need expensive things to show love for each other, and that means the world to the both of you. Jungwon promises to himself one day he will show everyone how much he loves you.

Heeseung as Everything Has Changed-

You've known Heeseung for years. A lot of time spent training super late at night. All that work has gone to something though- both your debuts. Everything changed from late night ramen to waves from across the red carpet. He still feels like home to you, just like you feel like home to him. But everything has changed and you weren't predebut anymore, you were idols who now had boundaries. You weren’t kids anymore with a dream, you were adults who still build up their dreams.

Jay as Love Story-

In this case, you are Romeo, he is Juliet. He is PROTECTED by his parents heavily. You've known this since you were kids and you accidentally smacked him with a soccer ball. They want the best for him and they did not see you fit. Jay was a prince to everyone but you. That bothered his parents, but Jay loved it. He loved how you teased him and poked fun at him. Jay loved being able to tease you in the kitchen when something messed up. He wanted to marry you more than anything, so he was thrilled when you asked him after practically begging his parents to finally give you a chance to love their son forever.

Jake as Fearless-

im biased i am so sorry-

Oh boy okay. You did not have any good experiences with romance. You did not know how things were supposed to go, he had no clue either but Jake will always act like he does! You are both terrified that you are going to do something wrong, neither of you ever do though. After a really important test, he drove to a secluded area, Jake knew you were stressed. This was both your spot you’d go to think. You were unsure of everything, did you fail? Are you going to disappoint your parents? Did all that work Jake did to help you study go to waste? You were ranting wildly. When you finally stopped to breathe and he leaned in to kiss you. All your fears washed away. Everything felt right, everything was going to be okay.

Sunghoon as Back to December-

He pushed you away, Sunghoon didn't mean to and he didn't even really want to. Life just got in the way and he felt like he was holding you both back. No matter how much time passed by though, he was still in love with you. No amount of time will make that go away. So here he is, calling you back to meet at the tree where you both first met. You started laughing when a pile of snow fell on him, he will never forget that day in December. Sunghoon is hoping as you stand in front of him, now in the summer heat that you will take him back. He is hoping you still have the same feelings you harbored for him Back in December.

Sunoo as The Way I Loved You-

You used to tease him a lot, he used to do the same to you as well. It was a mutual teasing. Everyone didn't see it like that though, and they blamed you (sound familiar?) You pulled back from being around him even behind closed doors. You truly believed that you were in the wrong here. Never in your life would you be malicious towards him. People made you believe that you were horrible. Sunoo was totally in love with you, and he missed that fire you used to have. He missed you teasing him. Sunoo just MISSED you.

Ni-Ki as Mean-

Whenever Riki would have people being horrible to him. You always reminded him that he was going to end up being successful while they are going to be stuck being miserable. You were always there to bring him up, so when he finally made it. Riki made sure to never forget your advice. Even when you both haven't talked since you were both kids, he still remembers the way you were always there to remind him to stay confident. You watch from the sidelines proudly.

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munsonsamoureuse · 2 years

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the good die young, but heros never die?

Eddie Munson x Female Reader

Word Count: 1187

POV: You’re at home when Eddie brings home a friend.

Clad only in some shorts and your boyfriend's hellfire club tee shirt, you sat in the kitchen with a cup of tea waiting for said lover-boy to return home.

Eddie Munson was the love of your life, you two had dated since middle school and stayed together even as he got held back one or twice, and you wouldn't change him for the world.

The rattling of the door alerted you to your boyfriend's arrival.

“Honey I'm Homeeeee!” Eddie's voice carried through the door as it swung open.

“and I brought a VERY special guest!” He sang as he let Chrissy Cunningham in the door before running over to kiss you on the cheek.

“Chrissy! How have you been, baby!!” Your eyes light up as you hug the petite girl, still clad in her cheer uniform as always. You doted on her a bit as Eddie ran off to dig up the goods for Chrissy.

“I’ve been better, Eddie said you’d be here though and I wanted to get something from him so I couldn't say no to coming over.” She shyly replied while looking around the room.

Chrissy Cunningham was the last person you'd expect to be buying from Eddie, love him to death, but you were in no place to judge, we all have our vices and Chrissy was a sweetheart nonetheless. Chrissy was only two or three years younger than you but you had known her almost her whole life.

Your families had been neighbors growing up and had attended some of school together for almost your whole life. You had spent plenty of time together outside of school as well even though you both came from different ‘cliques’ as your moms were good friends. Shopping and getting your nails done together, hell she had even helped you pick out your senior prom dress.

“Well babe if you ever need someone to talk to I’m almost always here, maybe we could go get our nails done or something?” You smiled as she nodded enthusiastically, already saying how she wanted to get her nails done red because of something her boyfriend said last time.

Chrissy had always had problems at home and to you her mother did always seem like the overbearing type anyway. Chrissy had confided in you a few times over your friendship, though the girl bottled up her feelings too much for your liking, so you tried to always play older sister for her as much as you could. With college you had been away from home too much or trying to spend as much time with Eddie the last few years so you hopped maybe with some girl time she'd open back up again.

“Alright, let me go check where Eddie boys at with the good, god knows whats taking him so long.” You smiled as the girl nodded and walked back to Eddie’s room to check on him.

You saw Eddie pull a baggie of white pills out from God knows where honestly and frowned a bit.

“Ed” you whispered “Did she ask for these? Are you sure you should be giving Chrissy anything more than the weed, I mean it's Chrissy baby.” you say folding your arms over your chest as you stare at the bag in his hands. A joint or two sometimes was one thing but this seemed out of charter.

“I mean she seems to be going through it babe and she asked me for something a little stronger.” Eddie replied. “These are light in comparison to anything else I could get her and I have them on hand, they will just help her relax. Maybe we can talk to her and see what's up. She was saying some crazy fucking shit in the woods today babe.” Eddie said and he pulled you into a short lived hug.

“You two spending some time together might be a good thing too, you need some girl time from hanging out with me at the boys all fucking day. Plus I know how much you've missed her since you started college.” You laughed as Eddie led you back out to the living room again.

“Here we are- Chrissy?” Both of your hearts dropped at the sight before you. Running over Chrissy you grabbed either side of her face and examined her.

Chrissy’s eyes were rolled back in her head as she stood frozen, almost as if she was possessed. Your heart beat sped up as you shook the girls shoulders, trying you best not to panic.

“Chrissy!! Chrissy Wake Up!!!” Eddie yelled as he snapped his fingers in front of her face.

“Chrissy baby, are you okay, can you say anything?” your frantic voice cracked as you tried to get the girl's attention. You felt like you could puke right then and there.

“Chrissy I don't LIKE THIS!! Chrissy Wake UPP.” Eddie’s voice stressed further as you both tried to wake the girl when suddenly her entire body levitated off the ground and hit the trailer ceiling.

Both you and Eddie hit the ground screaming. Eddie grabbed your body and dragged you backwards trying to shield you from whatever was doing this to Chrissy.

Both you and Eddie screamed as every bone in Chrissy’s body snapped, her fingers curling in on themselves and her jaw snapping. You were definitely gonna puke now, you could feel your body jump with every snap of the poor girl's body.

Eddie dragged you towards the door as Chrissy’s lifeless body hit the floor with a heart dropping thud, both of you still absolutely terrified by the sight in front of you.

Eddie swept you up, still screaming, and practically threw you in the passenger side of his van while tears streamed down your face. You were extremely nauseous at this point. You felt like the whole world was spinning as you tried to process what just happened while Eddie hopped in the driver seat and started the van.

“Chri- Chrissy. Chrissy.” Your voice shuddered as your body trembled.”She. She just, she just fucking. Oh my god.” You couldn't even think of words to describe what just happened to your childhood friend.

“What the Fuck. What the Fuck was that. What the fuck just happend.” Eddie’s voice shook as he tore out of the trailer park, driving god knows where.

You sat shell shocked as the sight replayed in your head over and over again. Memories of Chrissy and you growing up together flashed through your mind. All the times you've hung out with her or seen her around school. She was dead. Not only dead but god.

“We're going to Rick’s. I can’t go home. God what if they think we had something to do with that. Babe this is fucked.” Eddie’s voice shook. The car fell into silence. Chrissy’s lifeless body flashed before his eyes.

As you both sat reliving the traumatic events that just happened Eddie reached over and took your hand. You leaned into his shoulder as you silently cried over the loss of your dear friend.

Both your worlds had been turned upside down.

AUTHORS NOTE:

Just a little Eddie Fic I thought of the other day. Hope you guys enjoy.

#eddie munson x reader #eddie x reader #eddie munson #eddie munson x you #eddie munson imagine #eddie munson my beloved

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sunshinereddie · 2 years

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Giving comfort 38?

38: “Please, just open up. I don’t want to leave you alone.”

(okay, so, i wrote this entire thing, and then i realized that the prompt probably meant "open up" as in, open up a physical door so i can come in, but i interpreted it as "open up your feelings". whoops! my bad. hope you enjoy it nonetheless!)

im imagining after the second battle, eddie decides to upturn his life all of a sudden. he's going through all these big changes, but he's still figuring lots of things out- for example, the fact that he's been married to a woman for ten years and has just now figured out that the reason he's never really felt like he loved her is actually because he's gay.

and even though he's going through all these external changes (divorce, quitting his job, moving cities) and internal changes (discovering who he really is, growing into his own person and not following the lead of his wife/mother anymore) and he should be looking for help, he feels as though he needs to do it by himself. he tells himself that he should be able to do it by himself.

also, because he's only really known the comfort of his wife (and that's not saying much) for the past thirty years, he doesn't... really know how to reach out for help when he needs it. he's used to bottling things up, pushing things away and internalizing them himself all while putting on a fake smile and pretending that everything's fine.

until, one day, richie starts to get... concerned.

eddie isn't answering his texts as much as usual, he seemed a bit off when they ran into each other at the grocery store, and eds keeps blowing off his and the other losers' invites to dinner.

so, richie decides to pay eddie a visit one night. and it's then, on that night that richie is standing in eddie's apartment while he stresses out about a million different things going on in his life at the moment, that richie understands.

he goes over to eddie, taking his hands, and forcing eddie to sit down with him. "eds, i know you've had a hard couple of months," he says. "but... i also need you to know that you don't have to go through it alone. you have your friends, you have.... me. you can talk to me, eddie."

"i'm fine," eddie tries to convince him, but richie's smart enough to know a lie when he sees one.

"please, just... open up," richie tells him. "i don't want to leave you alone when you're like this, i want to help you. please, let me help you, eds."

and so, eddie opens up. he shares with richie his true feelings about myra, and for the first time out loud and to another person he says that he's gay. he shares his worries about having quit his job, how he's starting to doubt whether moving is even a good idea at all, and all the other things that are bothering him, and holy shit, it feels good to let it all out.

and richie's a great listener. he tries his best to guide eddie through all the problems he can help with, gives advice when he can, and most importantly, promises eddie that he's never going to be alone.

he gives eddie's hands a little squeeze, and suddenly eddie feels something in his chest, in his heart, that he hasn't felt since he was sixteen years old- something he's only ever felt with richie.

eddie smiles, giving richie's hands a tight squeeze in return. he's glad he opened up, after all. and he's glad it was with richie.

thanks for requesting! (prompts here)

#sunshinereddie asks #richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #reddie #reddie hc #reddie headcanon #reddie fic

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aprillikesthings · 2 years

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Thinking about the abortion thing, and the "but what if your mom had aborted you," and thinking about how my mom's life almost certainly would have been improved if she'd waited longer to have kids.

My parents met in high school, and my mom was a year and a half older than my dad.

My dad turned 18 on November 1st, 1978. They got married November 6th. I was born two days after their first anniversary--which means my mom was 20, and my dad was 19 and eight days old. They were babies.

(I was three weeks late, to boot. "They don't even let you go that late anymore," my mom's told me. I was 8lb 6oz.)

I will point out: I was unplanned but not unwanted. My parents had already talked about how many kids they wanted (three). They were hoping to wait longer before getting started--but there was a weekend my dad was on shore leave from the US Navy, and as both of them have told me since, "We got snowed in! We ran out of our usual method* and had nothing much else to do! We did think, 'eh, it's fine, we're married,' so you weren't a total surprise."

My parents were poor as fuck, though some of it was softened by my dad being in the Navy--we would always have housing and healthcare, however shitty. But my mom to this day cannot stand eating packaged ramen because she ate SO MUCH of it when she was pregnant with me (which might explain why I like it so much, lol). She told me about once looking through the couch cushions to find spare change so she could walk a mile to 7-11 and buy a Snickers bar. They were never on food benefits--never even applied, afaik. My mom later told me that she does wish she'd known about WIC checks, at least. (I turned out to be lactose-intolerant, so when my mom went back to work I had to be put on soy formula, and that was a LOT of money in 1980.)

I've seen photos from their first anniversary, two days before my birth: my dad got her one single rose, in a pretty vase that (afaik) she still has. We both have small-ish frames, so she resembles a stick figure with a beach ball hidden under a dress.

When my mom went into labor with me, my dad was "donating" plasma. There were no cell phones yet. They only had the one car. She just had to wait for him to get home!

Not that there was any rush--she was in labor a long time before they decided on a c-section, and they fucked up on the epidural multiple times before deciding to just give my mom general anesthesia. My mom insisted, after my birth: no more military hospital births, fuck the cost. (Sure enough: both of my brothers were born in civilian hospitals.)

If you've known me a while, you've see me talk about this: my dad was, in many ways, a piece of shit. He was awful to my mom in so, so many big and small ways; some of which I didn't know until I was an adult. He was physically and emotionally abusive to all of us.

And I always wonder: if my mom hadn't become pregnant mere months after getting married, at the age of 19, would she have left my dad? My parents basically eloped and neither set of their parents were terribly pleased about it because they were so young. If I hadn't shown up, maybe my mom would've swallowed her pride and called her parents from Florida and asked if she could come home, please.

Either way they would've had more money in those early years, at least.

I just don't know. It's not the kind of thing I could ask her.

She's been moderately pro-life my entire life. (She's wavered on whether abortion should be illegal or not. She's in favor of good sex ed and access to birth control, but also said to me once that if I had an abortion to never, ever tell her.)

But I strongly suspect that if that weren't the case, and my parents had decided "no, we're not ready yet," and aborted me; that my mom's life might've been better. In any case, I wouldn't be here to think about it, so it wouldn't matter.

(*their usual method was spermicidal foam! I'm not even sure you can buy that anymore! I cannot imagine depending on that--I definitely would have thought condoms were a better option. But me and my brothers are supposedly each one time they skipped it! After my youngest brother my mom got a tubal ligation. She jokes that she said to the doctor, "While you're in there, let's make sure this is the last one.")

#my life

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starlightrealmofficial · 2 years

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Rakudai Kishi no Cavalry-Anime Review

Hello, ladies and gentlemen and everyone else from all across the multiverse! It's been a long, long LONG while but finally, I'm back to this here blog, and today, just as I promised in my review of Kokoro Connect. Today we'll be talking about another project of SILVER LINK in collaboration with Nexus. This one has many names, Chivalry of the Failed Knight, Rakudai Kishi no Eiyutan, Tale of the Worst One, take your pick, everybody. That being said, for the remainder of the article I will stick to calling it the way I do in the title, or some abbreviation of that for the sake of simplicity. Now, let's see what timeframe we're dealing with.

It's the fall of 2015. Haikyuu's second season's starting, One Punch Man's happening, and A-1 Pictures is pushing out Gakusen Toshi Asterisk. Keep that one in mind, it's important. In that sort of environment, SILVER LINK releases a short series based on a Light Novel written by Riku Misora and the subject of today's article.

What Is Rakudai?

Imagine if you will, an academy for gifted youth who can shape their souls into powerful weapons. These Blazers, as they are called, train at a prestigious academy to become Mage-Knights. In a funny coincidence, in February of the same year, a little-known series called Black Clover began publication., Rakudai was still first with mage-knights between those two tho, the novel starting in 2013. That tangent aside tho, among the students of Hagun Academy, one is deemed a failure. His name is Ikki Kurogane. The series centers around him trying to prove his worth to everyone. And ohhhhhh boy did they mess up calling him a failure.

Ikki Kurogane-The Worst Knight

As a failure, Ikki didn't have proper training like other Blazers did, but that didn't stop him from learning. He developed a skill of his own, Blade Steal, the ability to mimic someone's style after witnessing it, which he used to hone his craft as a swordsman. Where other Blazers' weapons gifted them with essentially super powers of different kinds, Ikki's Intetsu was not like that, it was for all intents and purposes, a plain old sword. But due to Blade Steal, he had become an extremely competent user of that hunk of..metal..soul? Soul metal? What is this, the Minecraft Bleach Mod? At any rate, he's very good with a sword, and only gets better once he initiates his once-a-day super buff, Itto Shura! Which roughly translates to "I am a superhuman god swordsman, what you gon' do?" It dramatically improves Ikki's already impressive physical abilities from strength to speed to perception, to a plethora of other things. So, we have our protagonist set, especially with a pretty good performance from Ryota Osaka. The voice of Sadao from The Devil's a Part-timer, Tanikaze Nagate from Knights of Sidonia, Apollo from Danmachi and Cheval from Monster Hunter Stories Ride On. But any knight worth his salt should have a lady right? And Ikki is no different.

Stella Vermilion-A Himedere Done Just.

I don't know if schools in Poland are just out of fashion or something but co-ed dorm rooms and stuff never really flew here, and whoever decided to put a literal princess in the room with the school's biggest fail was either a master of irony, a moron, a genius, or some combination of the above. And if you asked me which is true, I'd say "Yes". However, we can all agree that the first meeting between these two is, well, rather humorous. Imagine for a moment you're in Stella's shoes - first of all, they're probably very comfortable. Secondly, you've just been assigned to a room and you're changing, when suddenly a boy walks into your room and sees you in the act. Using his infinite wisdom in a way I can only describe as "Somehow", he sees that the only way to make things right is to show himself naked to you, taking off his shirt. Yes, my friends, this series is an Ecchi and, honestly, a pretty nice one.

Needless to say, Stella doesn't take too kindly to this and immediately demands Ikki be taken out of the room, to which the boy of course objects as it was his first. The matter is fortunately resolved and over the course of the series, the two get gradually closer and understand one another better, in a pretty realistic way if you ask me, which is always a plus. And while we're at it, let's praise the series some more.

The Technical side.

The music within this anime is a definite strong point in its favor. I find it to be composed beautifully and the fact it uses classical instruments more than digital ones is a definite plus when it comes to how emotive and immersive it can be. Koutaro Nakagawa did a fantastic job as the composer. And along with sound director Jin Aketagawa, they crafted a really pleasant sonic experience. But granted, given their portfolios that shouldn't surprise anyone. Nakagawa's work includes Code Geass and Gosick, as well as Yu-gi-oh Arc-V and Digimon Universe, while the latter of these fine gentlemen is the sound director of Your Lie in April, Food Wars, Fire Force, Dr. Stone, Toradora, Re: Zero, Horimiya, Fruit Basket, Highschool DxD and many others. If we are to talk about the sound of Rakudai, I feel it's an absolute crime not to mention Identity, the opening theme of the series performed by Mikio Sakai, which I have been in the past guilty of listening to on loop. What can I say? It's a good song, and if you pay attention to the visual style of the opening. That provides us a neat segway into the next part.

The Visuals

This mostly monochrome palette shift is something that to me is synonymous with Rakudai Kishi no Cavalry. It is an aesthetic utilized in decisive moments of a battle and it really puts me in the moment each time the colors said their bye-bye. That coupled with some really fun to watch sword combat and the hype generated when that ace in the hole, Itto Shura came out, plus a generally smooth animation quality and a cast of fun characters, even if not too many got action in the span of these 12 episodes, are definite positives.

The Rival

Remember how I said to keep A-1's Asterisk in mind? The two series definitely have their similarities and had been considered rivals in a sense. The funny thing is, they were really close, despite the fact that, unlike Asterisk War, Rakudai Kishi no Cavalry wasn't really promoted.

"But Rouga!" I hear you saying "Asterisk had two seasons and Rakudai only had one. That must mean Asterisk did better right?" While the first statement is certainly true, the second we could debate but I frankly don't find the need to. Asterisk's anime was at its creation planned to have two seasons while today's subject only had one. Both series were simply made to promote the source material. This still doesn't stop people from asking when the second season is coming on the author's MAL page of all places, which to me is a bit humorous. I do think that both these series did rather well at their task. I certainly want to pick up the novel of Rakudai and read it.

Conclusion

I have to admit, the series as a whole, the anime at least - I cannot speak for the novel as of right now - isn't that spectacular. Much like Battle Game in 5 Seconds, which I already covered, it's an anime that I simply had a fun time watching. That said I do place it a good bit higher on the list than Battle Game. It's actually one of two anime series that I hadn't watched alone. A friend of mine came over to my house every once in a while and we'd watch it together on her recommendation. I really liked that. And for those fond memories, I must thank the studio, Riku Misora, and everyone involved in the creation of this piece of media. I sincerely hope you give it a shot. It may not be the most stellar but just like Ikki Kurogane himself. It is far from the worst.

I have been Rouga and thank you all for your time. I hope to see you soon.

#anime review #anime #light novel #rakudai kishi no cavalry

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thebibliosphere · 3 years

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Would you say that you've had any use for your eds diagnosis, aside from the personal satisfaction of knowing *what* is wrong? I tried to bring up eds as a possible explanation for some of my problems with my doctor but he just dismissed it as a "catch all" diagnosis used to blame unexplainable stuff on that wouldn't change my course of treatment anyway. So I'm feeling more than a little lost.

I’m sorry your doctor left you feeling that way. It’s never a nice feeling.

And EDS is not a catchall diagnosis for the unknown. It’s a very specific set of criteria with known issues and problems that can be ruled out through genetic testing, or in the case of hEDS, an in-depth physical evaluation by someone who is up to date on the current criteria. And while it cannot be cured, it can absolutely be managed with appropriate treatment and self-care.

Getting my EDS diagnosis changed my life for the better and has drastically altered how my treatment is handled. It meant my physical therapy was altered to fit my needs so that I was no longer constantly being injured by being encouraged to overstretch. Which was happening all the time. My joint mobility was being mistaken for flexibility, but my muscles were still stiff (because they are splinting my joints), so I was always encouraged to stretch more. Being diagnosed with hEDS meant I was switched from a very intensive physical therapy prescribed by my rheumatologist, to a very, very, very gentle routine to prevent injury. This has drastically cut down on my pain levels and rate of injury.

It also means I now get effective pain management when it comes to anesthesia because EDS affects how well certain anesthetics work. My cardiologist is now aware that we need to pay better attention to my heart and dysautonomia issues (even if she’s being a bit of a dick about it). My eye doctor finally knows why my eyes are so prone to irritation/corneal injury, and we now do screenings every six months for retina problems, because spontaneous retina detachment is a thing within my immediate family, and now we know why.

It meant I was given ring splints which drastically reduced the pain in my hands so that I no longer weep every single day after work. It meant knowing I needed custom insoles for my shoes to support my collapsed arches, which has helped reduce my fatigue and pain overall. It meant knowing that I need to take extra vitamin D, more so than I already was because my body burns through it like wildfire from always trying to repair itself. It meant we finally had answers for why my gut motility never worked right. It explained my crippling headaches, my TMJ and why seeing a chiropractor for neck stuff is a bad idea. It means we now know if I need stitches, we need to leave them in for longer to let the tissue repair. It altered my gynecological care and shed light on why late-term miscarriages run in my family. Fuck, it’s even affecting how they’re treating my diverticulitis.

There are many things that need to be taken into consideration with an EDS diagnosis. From the types of physical therapy you do and specific strength training exercises, to how anesthesia and surgery are handled. And doctors who claim there’s no point to an EDS diagnosis cause there’s no treatment are conflating “lack of cure” with “no point treating” and that is incredibly harmful.

If you think EDS might apply to you, seek a second opinion from a doctor who knows how to do an EDS evaluation. The Ehlers Danlos society page has a global physicians directory you can look up to see if there is anyone near you. If I have the spoons I’ll come back and link when I’m on the desktop later.

Your problems may or may not be caused by EDS, but it’d be good to have it ruled out just because of the complexities that go hand in hand with a condition like EDS. But calling it a catchall diagnosis is blatantly untrue. EDS is strictly regulated and it takes many people years to be properly diagnosed. They’re not handing it out like candy. And it worries me that your doctor seems to think otherwise.

Good luck, and take care. I hope whatever you are dealing with gives you a break and you have more good days than bad <3

#chronic health tag #long post #rambling #EDS #medical tag #pageportals

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eunoiaflow3r · 3 years

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when worlds collide - h.p. x gn!avenger!reader

a/n: bahahahahaha no one reads harry x reader lmaoo you don’t have to tell me - i know. but still, i thought this was a cute idea and i went with it. hope you enjoy :)

not edited.

also: timelines don’t match up bc i don’t want to do the math so harry is like 20 - 21 and your like 19 - 20 in 2020. Civil War and everything on didn’t happen. Fred didn’t die.

gn = gender neutral

warning(s): “language!” - captain america.

word count: 3.1k

request(ed): no.

summary: stephen sends y/n to a strange new place with...wizards?

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Never doubt Stephen Strange. That's something that pretty much everyone has accepted. Never second guess the wizard man. Usually you'd agree. Usually you'd just let the man babble about whatever he needed to and then go about your day.

Not now.

The fuckery.

Now you were here (wherever here was) after some flashes of orange and a "be careful." Did he even do the spell right? Is this really where you were supposed to be?

It was dark, and dirty and you just wanted to go home and not talk to anyone so you turned yourself invisible.

You were born with your powers - you think. You were adopted so you wouldn't know where your powers came from. All you know is that one day your parents couldn't find you, even though you were right there. Instead of thinking you were some kind of alien and throwing you out to labs, they helped you control it the best you could.

It was difficult at first, all things considered, but you got through. You discovered you had another power as well. Force fields. Those came in handy during the battles. (You helped where you could), and Tony Stark took you in afterwards as his own. He helped you create your suit, and your name, and discover more about your powers, he was basically a dad to you.

Your parents were a little hesitant letting you join the Avengers, but once they realized this is what you were meant to do, and you had people just like you protecting you, they couldn't keep you from that. They just couldn't.

So here you were, invisible, in some dark and creepy alley. There were doors either side of you, so you got out of the way considering they could open and smack you in the face at any given moment. You heard loud voices and laughing and cheering from both ends of the alley so you walked towards the one in front of you.

The voices were so loud and echoey that you really couldn't focus on anything else. Maybe that's why you didn't hear a boy behind you trip and fall into you from behind.

"I'm so sorry." he said helping you up.

You turned around to help him, he got awfully dirty, and searched for his glasses that fell off his face.

Once standing, he took out a stick, waved it over him, and all of a sudden the dirt and gravel was gone.

"How did you do that?" You were no stranger to magic, but this was something you've never seen before. And why would he do it in front of you? For all he knew, you were an unknowing human.

"What?" He asked eyebrows furrowed together, accent strong.

"With the stick."

He chuckled shoving the stick back in his cloak.

"The stick." He smiled and looked you up and down. "It's a wand. You must not be from around here."

"Yeah, what tipped you off?" You noticed the lightning bolt scar on his head. You wondered how he got it.

"The accent, the clothes, the inability to recognize a simple wand, the ability to be here, not recognizing me, and wait - where is your cloak?"

"Cloak?"

"You were just invisible a moment earlier but I don't see your cloak anywhere."

"I don't have one. I can make myself invisible without a piece of fabric or your fancy stick." You say sarcastically. Were you flirting?

"Handy." He grins. "The name's Harry Potter."

He holds his hand out for you to shake. "Y/N L/N."

He asks you if you want to talk somewhere besides a dark dirty alley. You agreed. It took some convincing though to let him use his stick to clean the clothes you had on, but to change your outfit to something less, standout-ish.

When you felt the witch hat on your head you immediately snatched it off your head and glared at him.

He just laughed.

Once out of the alley, you breathed in the now clean air, and was mesmerized. People were bustling in and out of small shops, animals were flying and chirping around their owners, children were running around with their friends and siblings, and people were waving sticks, or wands, just like Harry used.

"C'mon, this way." He smiled at your awestruck face. It reminded him of when he first arrived with Hagrid all those years ago.

He brought you inside a coffee shop, and sat you at a booth near the window knowing you'd probably want to still look outside at the new scenes.

After ordering, and a few moments of silence as you looked around, you decided to ask some questions.

"Where am I?"

"We're in Diagon Alley. It's like an outside mall."

"I mean like, planet? I guess?"

"Earth."

"Earth?"

"Well, more specifically London. Diagon Alley."

"London?! I'm in London?!"

"You've never been? To Earth? Or London?"

You rolled your eyes silently cursing Strange. "I'm from Earth. The United States, actually. I just wish he'd put me on a fucking plane or something instead of making it seem like I was going to Mars."

"He?" Harry was very curious.

You looked into his green eyes, your mind wandering. The guy in front of you was very attractive. His dark hair complimented his eyes, and his glasses made him even more attractive.

"You guys are wizards right?"

"Really? What gave you that impression?" He asks sarcastically. "The sticks, the pointy hats, or the big bowl with green liquid sitting outside?”

You rolled your eyes. "Very funny. It's not my fault you live into the stereotype of brewing potions in your cauldrons -"

"Oh well I can only assume you're one of those Avengers from the States, yeah?" He grins. "You guys are all over the news."

"Yes, sure -"

"And don't one of you wear capes and another shoot lasers or lightning or whatnot? Sounds very stereotypical to me."

You laugh as the waitress brings over your drinks and muffins. You thank her. "No, well yes, that's Strange and Thor, but that's besides the point -"

"Well of course it's strange." He grins and winks and you over his mug. He was purposely annoying you and found great joy in it.

"Anyway," you sigh getting back to the point. "Do you guys have a Wizard here, like a powerful, trusting, all-knowing kind of guy?"

His eyes dropped slowly and his smile dimmed for a moment before slowly widening once again.

"Had. His name was Dumbledore."

"Our guy is Stephen Strange. Or Dr. Strange. He sent me here, and I'm not sure why."

"Hmmm." He hums setting down his mug. "Are the states in danger? Were you sent here on a secret quest that would put you through tough trials that would risk your life but would ultimately save everyone you've ever loved so you just have to do it?"

You were in a silent shock. "Uhm. No, not that I'm aware of, no."

"Well then perhaps your Wizard Strange is playing matchmaker."

"Matchmaker?"

"Well you were sent here weren't you?" You nod. "Arrived outside the exact place where I was and I just happened to bump into you? Sounds like a set-up to me."

"Or a coincidence."

"I'd like to think it was fate that I bump into the most attractive person I've ever seen and they don't know who I am and won't judge me 'cause of my past." He took a bite of his muffin.

"Should I be worried?"

"I guess you'll have to figure that out yourself." He winks.

You decide to eat your muffin as well. It was a comfortable silence until you looked out of the window and noticed a guy crouching down behind a cauldron...with a camera.

"Harry?"

"Hm?"

"Why is there a man outside taking pictures of you?"

His eyes widened. "Oh shit." He whispered. "Here." He took out a baseball cap and put it over your head, hiding your face from the camera.

He gets out of his seat quickly pulling you along with him to the back of the shop but before you could say anything he had his wand pulled out.

Next thing you saw was a couch and living room.

"Wow." You panted. "What a way to bring a girl home."

"I apologise Y/N, I block them out so much I forget they're even there and now they've seen you, and have a story and -"

"Wait, wait, wait, are you wanted for murder or something?"

Harry walks over to his bookshelf and pulls out a rather large book. After opening up on the table, he waved his wand over it and beckons you over to read it.

'Boy who lived.'

'Golden boy defeats Voldemort'

'winner of Triwizard tournament'

And there was so much more… 'Harry Potter' in bold just strewn across the pages. His whole life story.

Your eyes widen at everything. "So both and neither. War hero. How come I've never heard of you? Or any of this?"

He smiles at the pages fondly, running his fingers across the letters and reminiscing on his times at Hogwarts.

"Unlike you Avengers, we like to keep our business private and quiet. We don't like prying eyes."

You scoff. "Not our fault we have alien invasions every year."

Harry agreed and for the rest of the night you sat on his couch talking and sometimes arguing, over every little thing. It felt like you two had known each other forever.

You're not sure when, but you fell asleep there and woke with your head on his chest and his arm wrapped around your waist. You're not sure how the two of you ended up this way, and you realized you were practically strangers, but you didn't want to move. You just wanted to tangle your fingers through his dark hair.

But you didn't. Instead you stared at his closed eyes, and focused on his long, dark, eyelashes that fluttered a little from time to time. You thought about how you could get used to this. Waking up with his arm wrapped around you.

You told him last night that if he was actually a serial killer, and wanted to kill you that you had a whole team of people who would rip him limb from limb. He had no doubts and looked actually scared of your threat.

You thought about what it'd be like to live here among people like you.

Stomach grumbling, you decided to get up and see if he had anything you could make for him. It's the least you could do. His face turned when you left his arms, but you quickly pulled the blanket over him so he would be able to sleep a little longer.

You found his bathroom, and washed your face. In your backpack was a toothbrush and some toothpaste so you brushed your teeth, fixed your hair, and got dressed.

By the time you got out of the bathroom, you noticed Harry was still sleeping so you went into the kitchen and tried to find anything remotely close to breakfast foods. By the look of his inventory, you could tell he was very good at cooking but hadn’t been to the store in a while. He did have some eggs and toast though so you decided to make that.

In the middle of it, you got a phone call from Strange.

“Strange?”

“Harry Potter.” he says.

“What?” you were so confused as to how Stephen knew ANYTHING.

“You’re in his place, we've been tracking you.”

“So I guess we should probably have a talk about privacy? I don’t know, it just seems like something we should discuss you know? Cause usually people can respect that - especially people who just DUMP you here in the first place -“

“Calm down that’s what the mission was. While you were sleeping, we searched the place with a camera we put on you and he’s not who we thought he was. You completed the mission L/N. Great job.”

“Is he a danger?”

“Not necessarily. Just making sure your fine is all.”

“What -?”

He hung up.

Why wouldn’t Strange tell you his intentions? Why would he let you stay here if he thought Harry might have been a bad guy? Why would he risk that?

Right as you hung up Harry Potter walked into the kitchen with his lenses in between his shirt - he was cleaning his glasses.

His dark hair hung over his eyes but his eyebrows were raised.

“You made breakfast?”

“It was the least I could do. I didn’t mean to fall asleep but thank you for letting me stay.”

He smiled and put his glasses back on. In doing so his gray shirt lifted and you could see his abs. You turned away a blushed.

“It was no big deal. Thank you for making breakfast, love. You didn’t have to.”

You didn’t say anything and instead placed both of your finished plates on the dining room table. He followed you and sat down immediately digging in.

“These are the best eggs i’ve ever eaten Y/N thank you.”

You smiled in response but then frowned remembering your conversation with Strange. You should probably tell Harry.

“So,” you cleared your throat. “You were wrong.”

He gave you a look that meant “about?”

“Dr. Strange - the wizard I work with - he likes to check out potential threats and make sure that ya’know - the earth stays safe and everything. Je can kind of see the future and its propabilities. He did the same thing with Thor and his brother Loki.”

“Okay, go on.”

You cringed. “And so he called me and told me that he sent me here so he could see you? I don’t know I guess he saw you as a threat and wanted to make sure you weren’t.”

You looked at Harry but his face was clear of any and every emotion. He just continued to eat his eggs. It was silent.

You ate a bit at your eggs too until he spoke up which made you look up.

“I can’t say I’m very surprised honestly. With everything you guys manage to fuck up there I’d wanna know if someone else was about to create shit problems too.”

You sighed with relief. He wasn’t mad.

“I’m sorry really Harry, I didn’t even know.”

“No yeah it’s fine. I get it. I still think he sent you specifically for a reason though. There’s just no way we aren’t soul mates or something.”

“Oh shut up Potter.”

He smiled. “I’ve been thinking.”

“Gee your head must hurt.”

He squints at you jokingly. “You should let me take you out. I can show you around today. Y’know, so you can see what wizards are like.”

“Is this a date?”

His face flushes red and he looks down at his plate. “Yeah, yeah it’s a date.”

And a date it was.

“What the fuck is wrong with you Harry! Again?!” You practically screamed. Harry called it aparation but you call it hell. You let it go the first time but damn. He barely even warned you, just took your hand, held it tight, pulled you close, and waved his wand.

It was teleportation. Something you’ve never ever done before.

“Fucking hell Potter I’m going to murder you.”

“And Strange was worried about your safety? This is like your 4th time threatening to end my life and besides, it wasn’t even that bad.”

You rolled your eyes.

Throughout the day Harry showed you all sorts of things you’d never ever seen before. This consisted of every flavor jelly beans (and by every flavor they really meant every flavor), a chocolate frog, and never ending bubble gum. And that was just on the candy side.

He took you inside this joke shop ran by two of his friends from his old school he called hogwarts. They were twins that went by the names of Fred and George. The only twins you had ever met was Wanda and Pietro but telling the story of Pietro’s death seemed to sour Harry’s mood but excite the twins. The fact that he sacrificed himself for a little boy made him a hero in their eyes. They begged you to tell them more stories.

By the end of the day you went back to Harry’s place and you were exhausted. You can’t believe all that you’ve seen and eaten. How was this stuff even possible? How was it all hidden? You were amazed.

Harry was glad to see you had a good day and glad that he had met you. When you got back, he told you that you could stay another night...and perhaps in the bed instead of the couch. He hadn’t meant it in a dirty way but that didn’t stop you from laughing until tears came out of your eyes. He was so awkward at times. Once he had to ask if it was okay to take your hand while you were in the street and it was so cute how he couldn’t really find the words even for something as simple as hand holding.

“Harry?”

“Hm?”

You both were laying in his bed facing the other.

“I had a lot of fun today. I feel like i’ve known you forever.”

He grinned from ear to ear and was glad that you couldn’t see him. He would have been beyond embarrassed if you’d seen how unmistakably happy that made him.

“I had fun with you Y/N. You’re great company.”

You were silent for a moment.

And another.

“Harry?”

“Yes?”

“Can I kiss you?”

You were scared of his response and your heart was practically beating out of your chest. What if he was just being friendly? What if he just wanted to be friends? You would have made a huge fool of yourself. You were going to turn away embarrassed until his hand came up to your face and slipped onto your cheek. He was so warm. His lips pressed against yours for a moment and then he pulled away.

After a moment he reconnected and moved his lips against yours slowly. Your hand went to the back of his neck and toyed with his hair. He groaned into your mouth. You smiled and scooted even closer to him. All you could hear was the sound of your breathing and kissing. You didn’t want to pull away but you had to.

“Harry.” you said practically breathless.

“Yeah.” he was breathless too.

“I want to show you my world. You should come see New York.”

“Yeah? You wanna show me those alien invasions and robot attacks?”

You laughed and snuggled into Harry. He wrapped his arm around you and kissed your neck.

“Mhmm.”

“I’d love to see it.”

Tags:

@romance-geek @gooseyhouse

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villainsblog97 · 5 years

Text

Beautiful People

Scenario: Bang Chan X Reader, fluff, music fanfic romance, rich boy au

Warning: None, except you might fangirl to death!

Summary: He was a rich boy, you were a waitress... you two met by fate, he wanted to show you his life, but is afraid you'll become part of the beautiful people.

Based off the song Beautiful People by Ed Sheeran feat. Khalid

Christopher Bang... but everyone knew him by two names, Chris... and Chan, his parents were the CEO and Vice President of a huge company in Seoul South Korea... their company was known all around the world, he came from Syndey Australia, everyone in Seoul knew him and his family, the Bangs were loved by many people, rarely did you hear something negative about them, especially Chan... he was not just Seoul's golden boy, he was loved by many people all around the world.

You had met him in the diner you worked at in Los Angeles California, your boss was screaming at you for the hundredth time, calling you a screw up and a failure, Chan put an end to the yelling real quick, shortly after that, you two were running out of the diner together.

We are, we are, we are

You left with Chan and never looked back, would you get in trouble for running off with the CEOs' son? Probably, you knew all about him, you knew exactly who he was, but the way he was looking at you, suddenly made you care less.

But were you this kind of person, could you actually be with someone like Chan, you were a waitress in a diner, you made about eleven dollars an hour, you busted tables, you brought milkshakes and ketchup packets to people.

But Chan didn't care... be couldn't even tell you why he did what he did, but there was something he knew for sure, you were real... you weren't like all the other girls, you kept a strong mind, you were respectful, you showed yourself in a true state. And for some reason... Chan wanted know more of that, he wanted to see someone who wasnt trying to fake their way in his life just to get the cameras on them.

L.A. on a Saturday night in the summer

Sundown and they all come out

Chan and his family were in California for business meetings, Chan and his two younger siblings went with them and took the opportunity to enjoy a small vacation, but if only he knew he would meet the love of his life while he was here.

Lamborghinis and their rented Hummers

The party's on, so they're headin' downtown

"Wanna come with me to a party tonight?" He smiled at you flashing his cute little dimples.

"A party... what kind of party?" You asked.

"Well it's for my parents... they go, they converse with other company presidents, have some drinks, talk business... it's all part of what they do..."

"So why do you go?"

"Moral support? Free food" he laughs a little

('Round here) everybody's lookin' for a come up

And they wanna know what you're about

You agreed to go but only because Chan gave you those beautiful little puppy eyes, he wanted to show you to the world, but at the same time he was kind of nervous, he never really enjoyed the parties, he had been to so many, he can't even remember half of them. But he decided to ignore his feelings and just try and enjoy himself, you came out of the room, the ladies in his suit had done your hair and make up, you kept telling them it wasn't necessary but they kept telling you that you'll want it to be, so you finally gave up and obeyed, an hour later you were walking out of the room in a black dress with black heels, your hair was hanging in lose curls, your make up was done to perfection, you almost didn't recognize yourself, Chan stood there in complete awe of you.

Me in the middle with the one I love and

We're just tryna figure everything out

You two sat in the car that pulled up to the Maroon carpet, Chan got out first and helped you out, cameras were nearly blinding you, many questions were pouring out of the photographer's mouths.

"Chan! Who is the girl you are with!"

"Is this your girlfriend Chan!"

"Stop for a picture please!"

Chan put his hand at your lower back and guided you inside.

"Don't stop for anything" he whispered in your ear as you walked in quickly to the grand foyer. A giant marble staircase sat in the center, it was filled with people holding thin champagne glasses, Chan handed you one, only being 21 you hadn't really consumed a ton of alcohol, but to fit in you took a sip and nearly choked on the dry taste.

"You alright love?" He asked

"Why is that so dry?" You coughed out

"I don't really drink it... just for looks" he laughs a little.

We don't fit in well

'Cause we are just ourselves

I could use some help

Gettin' out of this conversation, yeah

You finally caught up with Chan's parents, they were very kind people, you could see why everyone loved them, but you looked around the scene you were in, even your dress cost more than your entire wardrobe in your closet, you lost count at how many times you've tripped over your heels.

You look stunning, dear

So don't ask that question here

This is my only fear, that we become

Beautiful people

Chan took you to the dance floor and began to slowly dance with you.

"This feels weird" you sighed.

"What does?"

"Being here... in this dress and heels, which suck by the way"

"You're beautiful" he smiled at you, but you still felt weird.

Drop top, designer clothes

Front row at fashion shows

"What d'you do?" And, "Who d'you know?"

Inside the world of beautiful people

You had slipped away from Him, you needed air, you felt like you were suffocating, this wasn't who you were, and you knew it.

You stood outside on the balcony and ran your hand over the railing, you looked out to the view, your beautiful California in front of your eyes, you drew a long sigh, trying to get your head cleared.

Champagne and rolled-up notes

Prenups and broken homes

Surrounded, but still alone

Let's leave the party

Two arms came around your waist, a head resting against your own, a beautiful accent hummed in your ear.

"There you are" you held onto his arms and smiled as he kissed your head.

"Just needed some air" you sighed.

"It can be a little overwhelming"

"Not that..."

"What is it?" He pulled you close against him.

"This isn't who I am Chan" your voice shook.

"I'm not a glamorous girl, I'm a waitress at a diner that's been around for 50 years, I wear ripped up jeans and t-shirts that are way to big for me, my hair is usually tied up in a ponytail, or down in my face, and I hate these freaking heels!" You whined a little as you pulled off the heels from your feet.

Chan simply laughed and took your hands in his large ones.

"And that is why I love you" he smiled, you paused in your rage and looked at him.

"You what?"

That's not who we are

(We are, we are, we are)

We are not beautiful

"I love you (Y/N), because you are not a glamorous girl, because you do wear ripped up jeans and t-shirts that are definitely too big for you, I love you... because you are real, you're yourself, no matter what, you don't pretend to be someone you're not unlike everyone at this stupid party"

Yeah, that's not who we are

(We are, we are, we are)

We are not beautiful

He laid his hand on your face and leaned in gently, only waiting for a second to see if you would react, but just smiled at him and whispered "I love you too"

He took that as an okay, you had spent almost 3 three weeks with Chan now, but he took his time with you, the first week, he held your hand, the second week he would give you a small hug, he never wanted to overstep his boundaries with you, because you were someone who deserved all his effort. But it was starting to drive him crazy, you couldn't say you blamed him, he leaned down and and gently pressed his lips to yours, they molded perfectly almost instantly, his kiss was sweet, but it wasn't rushed, it was slow, like he was taking in every single thing about you, so he wouldn't forget.

"Let's get out of here baby girl" he smiled.

L.A. mm

Drove for hours last night and we made it nowhere (nowhere, nowhere)

I see stars in your eyes when we're halfway there (all night)

I'm not fazed by all them lights and flashin' cameras (uh)

'Cause with my arms around you, there's no need to care

You breathed a sigh of relief as you ran your hand over your ripped jeans you and Chan were quick to change out of your party attire, you jumped into his car like he requested, he fired up the engine and took off down the road.

"Where are we going?" You asked as the wind blew through your curled hair.

"I don't know!" He laughed as he put his arm around you, you scooted in closer to him and laid your head on his chest, you listened to the radio blaring, the wind was blowing through your hair as you sat in his convertible, you two were singing along to the radio, his voice was given to him by an angel, you were lost in the view beside you, his hand rested on the steering wheel, the other in your hand.

We don't fit in well

We are just ourselves

I could use some help

Gettin' out of this conversation, yeah

You finally stopped on the side of highway out in the middle of nowhere, you laid beside him on the hood of his car, looking out at the stars that painted the sky, after your first kiss, Chan became a little more greedy, wanting to kiss you more and more, some were deep, some were slow, some were intense, and some were light and tender. He whispered I love you so many times you'd lost count.

You look stunning, dear

So don't ask that question here

This is my only fear, that we become...

There was nothing for him to worry about, as you laid in his arms, he thought about the future and how he wanted you to be apart of it, he wanted you forever, because he knew in his right mind that you definitely were not part of the beautiful people, you were his own kind of beautiful, you were yourself, and to him there couldn't be anything else in the world that could ever compare.

Beautiful People

#stray kids #chan #x reader #beautiful people #ed sheeran #khalid

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mymusicalitylove · 4 years

Text

Dive

In my feels. Trying to be productive and direct them in a positive way.

The other night I feel like I broke because the latest disappointment (that I created for myself), came to the surface. I took a hot shower, cried and told myself to let it all go. Hardest I have cried in a long time because I replayed a lot of scenarios about this endless loop I seem to be stuck in: I give up on this notion called ‘love’, discard it and begin to focus elsewhere.. then along comes another unsuspecting fool that says all the right things to get me twitterpated and caught up in the fantasies my brain creates. I get sucked in and think, ok, maybe this will go somewhere.. just to BAM! Slam my face into a wall of unending disappointment. Wash, rinse, repeat. It feels as though this scene has been on replay about eleventeen times over these last few years, and all I can say is: How. Fucking. Stupid (Who is the REAL fool? Ya, that’s me).

I went to bed after my therapeutic shower and slept ok, but kept waking up. I finally decided to get up and be productive, and had Ed Sheeran’s “Dive” stuck in my head. Hadn’t heard it in a while so I’m not sure where it came from, but it stayed with me the entire morning.

My entries on this thing almost always relate to music and how the lyrics relate to my life. I’ve saved some drafts with songs I’ve wanted to write about later. When I realized I wasn’t going back to sleep, I decided to write; I checked my drafts and whoa.. “Dive” was already on there.. I don’t even remember saving it.

(Despite there being a few too many typos for my taste in this post above, I feel it, Rising Woman!)

September 2019 is the most notable time I can remember starting the self-destructive cycle. My boss left at work and I decided I needed to do something to change my life up. I put all my energy into planning my amazing sabbatical in Italy. Everything was set up; all the wheels were in motion for me to see Europe, do me selfishly, and not worry about shit! In my mind I put together plans of sightseeing, concerts, volunteering, gymming, wandering, and getting lost in the country I fell in love with a year prior.

In October on a night out with friends, I met an EMT at a bar. He worked his bullshit game, and did it well because he was intriguing. He made me feel good over a two hour convo that honestly felt like a first date, and convinced me to give him the digits (which I don’t freely give to strangers). Too bad the man never called. Womp, womp.

After a taste of those vibes I craved that “feeling” again. I tried a dating app again for a couple months. In a comical turn of events, said dating app matched me with this same EMT! This presented me with the opportunity to call his ass out, and incidentally feel validated as to why it actually was better he never called. Talked to a few other guys on the app, but really can only report on a couple stupid funny anecdotes of just how sad it is that guys don’t know how to talk to women anymore. At least this time I wasn’t taking it seriously and only did it for shits and giggles. Decided okay, just keep focusing on plans for Italy, stacking that paper, and looking forward to the new year (*point and laugh at the idiot who had no idea what 2020 had in store!*).

In January a boy (with a girlfriend) who I’d had innocent flirtation vibes with for a while tells me he’s now single. I had already placed him in the “not gonna happen” folder, and his confession obviously began a different wave of chemistry and banter for months. We had a conversation about the reality of where I am/what I’m ready for, and where he’s at/what he’s not ready for. Oh, and in the midst of all this, Covid hits and I have to make the heartbreaking decision to cancel Italy and deal with the feels of defeat that followed. And let’s also add all the sadness of being stuck with only me, myself and my thoughts in quarantine.

One last convo in April with “previously not gonna happen” sealed the deal of this endless string of flirtation not going anywhere and back in that folder he went. I then decided to give my number to this other guy who had shown interest a while back (but I hadn’t paid him any mind cuz I was stuck on folder guy). New dude didn’t really engage, so I disregarded him again, and worked on rearranging my place, organizing, decorating, spring cleaning and purging. Fast forward to now, it’s June and new dude comes back to work, asks to hang out, we have a great first “date” lasting three hours, and now here I am less than two weeks later wondering what happened. New dude: MIA / Me: WTF?

I truly do not understand why this cycle continues. Each time I feel like I get closer to something real, just to be lead into feeling like a fucking moron. I can’t stand it anymore, and it honestly makes me want to go back to being guarded and jaded, but I know that’s not the right way to find anyone. So I open up and allow some level of vulnerability, even though I’m scared af cuz of how hard I fell five years ago with the man I thought I was going to marry.

This is gonna hurt, but I blame myself first

'Cause I ignored the truth

Drunk off that love, my head up

There's no forgetting you

You've awoken me, but you're choking me

I was so obsessed

It was a matter of time

But you are the fire, I'm gasoline

Gave you all of me, and now honestly, I got nothing left

'Cause I loved you dangerously

More than the air that I breathe

Knew we would crash at the speed that we were going

Didn't care if the explosion ruined me

Baby, I loved you dangerously

I learned a lot from that short but impactful relationship. It was the love of my life and I went into it with complete abandon. I loved him dangerously. Things felt “right” and escalated quickly, which lead to our demise because we did not explore all the things before going full force into a relationship. We mutually thought this was “it” and talked about the future we would have. It completely broke me to end things, and upon rebuilding the pieces of me, I promised myself I would never rush into things like that again.

I know that I do it to myself, but I guess I don’t know how else to do it. If I’m closed off and guarded, I’m not welcoming anything in; if I’m open and vulnerable, I start to dream in fantasyland with expectations just to be let down and end up inevitably disappointed. I clearly don’t know how to find the balance that works and it has become maddening beyond words.

I need to find that balance, and it would be a lot easier to find in non-Covid times where I could have something else to focus my precious energy on, rather than wanting to find “my person”.

Maybe I came on too strong

Maybe I waited too long

Maybe I played my cards wrong

Oh, just a little bit wrong

Baby I apologize for it

I could fall or I could fly here in your aeroplane

And I could live, I could die

Hanging on the words you say

And I've been known to give my all

And jumping in harder than ten thousand rocks on the lake

So don't call me baby unless you mean it

Don't tell me you need me if you don't believe it

So let me know the truth

Before I dive right into you

And I've been known to give my all

And lie awake, everyday don't know how much I can take

I could fall, or I could fly here in your aeroplane

And I could live, I could die

Hanging on the words you say

And I've been known to give my all

Sitting back, looking at every mess that I made

This new dude made me really feel this. I tend to fall, and fall hard because I am so ready to give my heart to someone. But I need to put on the brakes and slow my damn roll.

I can’t keep getting my hopes up. That is ultimately my problem. I tell myself to not have expectations and I do well to begin with, then have an amazing connection and am fed (what is obviously) bullshit and fall for it like a moron. I have grown thicker skin this time around, so at least there’s that.. but hopefully this has been my last lesson.

I have found a new diversion for my focus and just put in my first offer for a new home! This will be my new passion project and will take up my thoughts and energies for a while, so as freaked tfo as I am, I am equally excited for this new venture. If it’s meant to be, it will be, and if it’s not, my new little home is out there somewhere not ready for me yet.

06/19/2020 - 11:51 PM

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bountyofbeads · 5 years

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‘I was so livid’: Disney heiress visits theme park undercover to see worker conditions

Rebecca Corey | Published July 15, 2019, 5:30 AM EDT | Yahoo News | Posted July 15, 2019 |

“Through Her Eyes” is a weekly show hosted by human rights activist Zainab Salbi that explores contemporary news issues from a female perspective. You can watch a full episode of “Through Her Eyes” every Tuesday at 8 p.m. ET on Roku, or at the bottom of this article.

As an heiress of the Disney fortune, anything Abigail Disney says about the brand beloved by millions worldwide garners attention. And she’s calling out Walt Disney Co. CEO Bob Iger for his nearly $66 million yearly salary, saying he isn’t doing enough to rectify the huge gap between his own earnings and that of other Disney workers.

“Bob needs to understand he's an employee, just the same as the people scrubbing gum off the sidewalk are employees,” Disney said during an interview with the Yahoo News show “Through Her Eyes.” “And they're entitled to all the same dignity and human rights that he is.”

Iger’s paycheck last year was more than 1,000 times what the median Disney employee made in 2018, according to Equilar.

To understand the grievances of Walt Disney Co. employees, Abigail Disney said she recently went undercover to Disneyland after receiving a Facebook message from a distressed worker.

She said what she found at “The Happiest Place on Earth” was a façade that was about to crack from the pressure of making ends meet.

“Every single one of these people I talked to were saying, ‘I don't know how I can maintain this face of joy and warmth when I have to go home and forage for food in other people's garbage,’” she recalled, adding that this was not the work environment her grandfather Roy O. Disney sought out to create.

“I was so livid when I came out of there because, you know, my grandfather taught me to revere these people that take your tickets, that pour your soda,” she continued.

“Those people are much of the recipe for success.”

Disney says her efforts are part of preserving a work culture of respect that originated with her grandfather and that she says has gradually declined at the Walt Disney Co. “When my grandfather worked there, he hired people there to have a job for life,” she said.

The company has also been accused of sexist pay practices. Earlier this month, four new women joined a major pay-gap case against it, according to the Guardian. They are part of a larger class-action lawsuit, filed in April, alleging that the company systematically underpays its female employees. Disney denied the allegations.

A filmmaker and philanthropist, Abigail Disney does not have an active role in the company her grandfather co-founded. But she says she recently wrote to Iger expressing her concerns.

“I wrote Bob Iger a very long email, and one of the things I said to him was, ‘You know, you're a great CEO by any measure, perhaps even the greatest CEO in the country right now. You

know, your legacy is that you're a great manager. And if I were you, I would want something better than that. I would want to be known as the guy who led to a better place, because that is what you have the power to do.’”

But Disney said that in response to her email, she got “nothing.”

“There was no answer,” she said.

According to the Financial Times, Iger referred Disney to the company’s human resources department, “who cited initiatives such as its $150m funding for employee education,” motivating her to reach out to Iger again. She told the outlet: “That never got an answer, so I had my answer.”

When asked about the pay disparity between Iger and his staff, a Walt Disney Co. spokesperson touted its education initiative, Disney Aspire, which covers 100 percent of all tuition costs, books and fees. The spokesperson said more than 40 percent of Disney’s 88,000-plus hourly employees have signed up to participate so far.

“Disney is at the forefront of providing workforce education, which is widely recognized as the best way to create economic opportunity for employees and empower upward mobility,” the spokesperson said.

The company added: “American workers need meaningful change; they deserve smart policies and practical programs, like Disney Aspire, that empower them to achieve their goals and ensure they are part of the most competitive workforce in the world.”

This isn’t the first time Abigail Disney has called out Iger for his income. She wrote an op-ed in the Washington Post in April, criticizing the “naked indecency” of his salary. And in May, she spoke on Capitol Hill, imploring members of the House Financial Services Committee to rethink the system that allows CEOs to make so much more than other workers.

“The system is the problem, and the people inside of the system who are perfectly comfortable with the system are the problem,” Disney told “Through Her Eyes.” “I don't think any president of the United States has as much power as some CEOs in this country.”

To help jump-start change, Disney says she wants to be taxed more. She and more than a dozen other wealthy Americans recently penned an open letter to 2020 presidential candidates calling for a raise in federal wealth taxes to “substantially fund” things like clean energy, infrastructure and universal childcare.

“I have more than enough,” Disney told “Through Her Eyes.” “And if you've got $1 billion, there's not a thing on this earth you can't afford.”

Disney has gained a lot from her famous grandfather and the fairy-tale world he helped create, but she says she is also cognizant of her family’s darker legacies and how they have hurt people, too. Her great-uncle, Walt Disney, has been accused of anti-Semitism, sexism and racism.

“Sadly, it happens to be the case that there are very nice people who are also racists,” Abigail Disney recalled.

She cited movies like “Song of the South” and characters like Jim Crow in the 1941 film “Dumbo” as examples of her great-uncle Walt’s racist history. Although these films were created before the civil rights movement, Disney says time is no excuse for bigotry.

“We cannot simply say, ‘Oh, everybody was a racist back then,’” she explained. “Many people chose to not be what everyone else was. It takes courage. It takes integrity. It's a very hard thing to do.”

“But if you decide to be a person who creates culture, then you have to take on all the responsibility of that.”

Listen to the full episode of the “Through Her Eyes” podcast, and listen to past interviews with Queen Latifah, Aly Raisman and more from Season 1.

#u.s. news #politics and government #us: news #international news #must reads #world news #disney #Democrats #humanrights #human rights #human trafficking #workers rights

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