#you don't have to do this obv.

[billsbae]

okayyy look i'm a die zutara stan, but platonic zutara with sleepovers, painting nails and talking about boys makes me want scream (in a good way)

#platonic zutara in zukka aus is just so <3 <3 #because sokka is obv the boy zuko talks about #them painting each others nails !!!! #and braiding each other's hair !!! #platonic zutara #zukka #'i don't think he's that good for you' 'you're literally crushing on my brother do stfu you have to taste' #katara #zuko #platonic #katara and zuko #zuko and katara #atla #avatar the last airbender #the gaang #zutara

[seaweedstarshine]

“They engineered a psychopath to kill you.” “Totally married her. I'd never have made it here alive without River Song.”

Sources: Let's Kill Hitler, Diary of River Song: My Dinner With Andrew, Closing Time, The Husbands of River Song, Diary of River Song: The Furies, Diary of River Song: Animal Instinct, The Ruby's Curse, Time of the Doctor

#I don't know if this makes sense but I'm having fun #this is not an attempt to assign meaning to 'psychopath' but to explore how river relates to the identifier in relation to her trauma #and obvs not trying to equate implications of what river does with kovarian- rather examine how the abuse shaped her #river song #doctor who #ive got so many ideas for these and im wasting my 'time off' making gifs instead of taking advantage of #the ability to ignore work emails to get done other massive work projects. oh well #you know what. since this is my second media set in a row ima start tagging them like so- #edits by seaweed #words by seaweed #madame kovarian #crispy!master #the master #I deliberately didnt include the psychopath lines from Picnic at Asgard bc im saving it for a set about River as a demiurge :D #oh and I'm saving 'my bespoke psychopath' for a possible yowzah post surrounding 'two psychopaths is too much for one tardis' line #is SO much easier to do this to express my thoughts than writing words. you don't even KNOW how many incoherent essays in my drafts #okay ima get back to work #and then sleep

[benevolentslut]

a thing i see people talk about a lot when it comes to annie + her character redemption is that one guy she spun around from his odm wire, wondering why she would do that, using it to justify hating her. and i've thought about it and i think the best way of summing it up is - she's already conflicted about doing all this horrible shit, and it's already, in her mind, over the line - and i don't think she knows where to distinguish a Second line, especially once emotions get involved. it's the same as when she kicked the crap out of her father and reiner. her emotions pushed her over the line and she lost track of where she should draw it after that point.

in the case of that guy, i think it's not emotion that pushes her to do it, but rather the persona. She believes she's supposed to be the enemy of Paradis, so she plays the part. She's already over the line by killing them at all, and so I think it was a subconscious extension of that - once you're over the line, where do you stop? When you're supposed to play the part at any cost, not going that far could subconsciously feel the same as failing the part.

with all that said - reading comprehension, it's still obviously Wrong of her, that is still a Personal Flaw, she is human 😭 just that i disagree with the idea that it was sadism or enjoyment or anything along those lines, and it's definitely not a reason to Hate her character.

#tho i do agree with her on the kicking her father bit like he was beating the shit out of her since she was old enough to learn techniques #that one's fully justified #also with reiner they Had just watched their friend die in front of them. might not've been Right to beat him but #fuck knows it's understandable to be emotional. they were kids #also when i say it's not a reason to Hate her i don't mean you have to like her obv #y'know what i mean #attack on titan #aot #shingeki no kyojin #snk #annie leonhart #aot spoilers #snk spoilers

[bluebobatea]

if sasuke was the main character then he probably would've been a LOT more sympathised with than he is now (which is to say rarely). like the narrative wouldn't even need to change to show his pains or 'his side of the story', bc it does that plenty. it's just that he is not the main character. and idk what it is about our human minds but we tend to sympathise with main characters automatically (unless ofc you go off the rockers insane and do something like obliterate almost everyone from the planet *cough* eren yeager *cough*)

an instance that comes to my mind where this does happen is with lelouch from code geass. while i don't agree with his character motivations, people generally do sympathise with him as he is the mc and as viewers we know he isn't inherently evil. sasuke's goal towards the end is slightly similar but ofc people love to hate him so they don't even try to understand where he is coming from.

my point is, most people while engaging with the naruto story don't read between the lines and so don't see how traumatised and in pain sasuke is and hence don't understand his character motivations. heck, they don't understand a single bit about him and so they automatically hate him, as he is supposedly going against the main character's goals.

which is really sad given all that he has been through.

#there are bajillion other reasons people hate him for #honestly i have lost track of the stupid reasons i have seen people give for hating him #and sometimes they just do without any reason *not even exaggerating* unfortunately #im like yeah go on hate him. you guys obv don't have enough brain cells to comprehend his character #they never understood him. and it's not like any kind of reasoning is gonna make them change their minds #and it's not like one needs to do a deep character analysis to understand him. it's literally right there. #all you have to do is stop worshipping konoha and its militaristic policies and the people who enact said policies. #and also the people who enforce those policies while subtly hating them but can't do anything bc it's dictatorship :) #but maybe that's too much to ask of them bc that would mean they would need to question their political views #and we can't have that right bc it's all just fiction in the end right? and fiction exists in a void :) (yes I'm being sarcastic jc) #like the amt of times i have heard people say “you don't need to take this so seriously it's just fiction” #umm you do know that fiction is inspired by real life events right??? #tldr: most people throw away their brains while engaging with nart media and have zero reading comprehension skills #this turned into yet another rant T T why am i like this AAAAAAAAAAA #sasuke #uchiha sasuke #sasuke uchiha #pro sasuke #pro uchiha #anti konoha

[chirpsythismorning]

Some of the evidence supporting Mike not being in love with El is brutal. No, but seriously.

In s3, when El's leg is injured, instead of Mike putting his arm around her waist, allowing him to take some of the weight off her injured leg, he puts his arm around her shoulder, basically having the exact opposite affect of taking the weight off of her, instead just adding more weight for her to have to carry.

Now, I’m not coming at Mike here, I’m actually coming at the writers, because this choice here has everything to do with them using this gesture to signal Mike’s lack of feelings for El, even at the expense of realism.

I say this bc any person with common sense, including Finn and everyone around him and Millie filming these shots, would've known it looked unnatural for Mike to be adding more weight onto El as opposed to taking some off of her.

This means that what Mike did here, Finn was directed to do, and therefore it was for a specific reason.

And we know they could have easily made the opposite choice, because they show us Max AND Lucas doing it.

See how putting an arm around El's waist looks so much more natural? Because homegirl is injured and clearly needs help taking weight off her leg to qualm some of the pain she's experiencing there, which is why Max and Lucas are shown here doing it the correct way.

And so, why can't Mike do the same? Why are the writers making a point to show Mike being incapable of simply taking some weight off of El, instead doing the exact opposite?

I don't think it's as deep as Mike not being able to do something intimate, and that's bc, again we see Max and Lucas doing it.

I honestly think what they're trying to convey with this choice here, is that Mike thinks he's helping El, when he is in fact doing the opposite despite his best efforts. The implications of that and how that sort of aligns with their romantic relationship and what it leads to at the end of s3, going into s4, is pretty spot on.

I do think Mike thinks he's doing the right thing by being with El instead of voicing any doubts at the end of s3, because he is under the assumption that she is in love with him. I do think he believes he is indebted to her and that this is the least he can do after everything they've been through together, which has mostly been riddled with romantic pressures and so continuing that instead of disputing it seems like the only option anyways. Not to mention, he does care for her deeply, so it's not hard to imagine that he's a teenage boy confusing deep care for love (he literally tells us this is his problem when he can only say care and not love to El's face... but that's a whole other conversation).

Still, when it's all said and done, Mike's not actually doing El any favors by being with her romantically, if that is not what he truly wants.

Because that's the sad truth about all of this, which is that you would never want someone to be with you just because you want them. If you knew that they truly couldn't have those feelings for you, you'd want to know, right? You don't deserve someone just because you have deep feelings for them. And I think there's so many layers to this idea, bc many people are capable of not giving Byler a chance bc they truly believe Mike could never return Will's feelings. Will also feels this way atp, so though it hurts, he rips the band aid off, because he would never want Mike to be with him just out of pity or something. No one would want that. And so it all really comes down to who Mike truly loves romantically and wants to be with. And the right thing to do, even if it hurts someone, is to be honest, because being with them just bc you think that will make them happy is never going to be enough if you aren't truly feeling it, or worse, feel it for someone else.

We see how Mike's inability to be honest with El at the end of s3, leads to a season of Mike feeling deeply insecure and undeserving of the love El has to offer him, and even though he does try, he always comes up short. Despite Mike putting up this front that they are the perfect couple, the details are telling us something is off. And it gives him away.

Another example that I think is very similar to this loaded gesture from Mike to El in s3, is the scene in s4 when they hug in the airport.

Common sense ppl, picture this: You're reuniting with your long distance girlfriend. Then suddenly, she runs up to you, with her arms wide open, and instead of opening your arms wide to embrace her properly, you take the bouquet of flowers you brought her as a gift, and shove them against your chest just as she approaches to hug you, effectively squishing the present you got for her (a pretty delicate present at that) for no reason other than to... what exactly?

Like?? El isn't even squishing the present Mike, she's trying to hug you, dude! Your gf is trying to hug you properly and you threw the gift you got for her in between you so you could throw in a careful! x3??

Again, this has less to do with Mike's thoughts and reasoning behind this gesture in a literal sense, and more to do with the simple fact that this is a narrative choice! Mike is not a real person! There are real people sitting down and writing this and actors are having to do multiple takes to act it out. What feels natural for a situation is going to be what is often chosen 9 times out of 10, because of realism and wanting the audience to see stuff happening that is believable. That 1 time though, when it's not being done the way it would usually be, is usually because there's a specific reason for it.!

So the question really is, not why is Mike doing this, but why are the writers having Mike do this, and what message are they trying to convey about Mike's feelings based on his behavior, in these moments where he's just not capable of committing to El genuinely, one way or another?

#byler #no but most of the gay subtext is just so like... you really didn't have to do all that? #gay subtext at the expense of realism? check #mike thinks he's helping el by not breaking her heart and just being with her despite feelings for will he can't deny #very reminiscent of mike's 'maybe you thought you were helping but you weren't. you hurt me! what you did sucks!' #i do think it would be epic too see that moment come full circle but with el saying it to mike this time #bc i'm sure el would much rather have her heartbroken finding out that mike is incapable of loving her romantically #than to find out he was with her bc he didn't want to hurt her even at the expense of his own happiness #like no one wants to have someone be with them out of pity or obligation #we want someone to love us truly and deeply and genuinely! #we see how much el struggles in s4 bc of all the hints she's getting from mike that he doesn't genuinely love her #bc that's the most important part of a romantic relationship #it being equal #and it didn't feel that way #sure she's gonna be pissed #but she's gonna be more pissed he wasn't just honest #friends don't lie obvs

[theskoomacat]

ryan and shane had a lot of fun filming this ep and that's all that matters to me

#i don't get ppl in the comments saying that thsi location was obvs not haunted bc it gave no evidebce #i think it gave an average amount of evidence #i just think they think it didn't give enough ''''''real'''''' evidence while to me it's all the same shit #i like the estes method though. it's way better than regular spirit box and also it forces shane to do improv #you really don't have to care #ghost files #watcher entertainment

[hephaestuscrew]

I'm not the first person to say this, but there really is something groundbreaking about the lack of romantic plotlines in Wolf 359.

Wolf 359 is a story aimed at and about adults. It's partly about what it means to be human. It's partly about how we exist in relation to other people. It's partly about interpersonal connection and understanding. It has character relationships at its heart. It features so many moments of love and care between characters. It takes place across just over two years of the characters' lives, with 61 episodes and a main cast that grows to a decent size.

And despite all this, the show doesn't feature a single canonical 'on-screen' romantic (or sexual) relationship. Perhaps that shouldn't be as rare as it is, but it's one of the many things that makes Wolf 359 special to me.

#Wolf 359 #w359 #Obvs there's Minkowski's husband and Eiffel was with Kate #but neither of those are focal points #and we don't actually hear Kate or Koudelka #Before Jacobi declared he liked the menfolk #there were a fair few people expressing frustration at the lack of canon queer rep in w359 #which I do understand cos that's something lots of people go to fiction podcasts for #and I do understand why it matters to ppl #but a part of me thinks that when you interpret 'queer' in that broader sense about questioning/ defying societal norms #there is something arguably queer about making a show like this #and deliberately not having a single canon romantic relationship between the main cast #For a show to ask 'what makes us human?' and not even vaguely put romantic love on the table as a possibility #that's queer to me #At any rate it's really refreshing #When I first started listening to Wolf 359 back in 2017 #there was a part of me bracing myself for a shoehorned-in romantic plotline #I felt like the question was 'who' and 'when' rather than 'if' #because that tends to be the way #It blew my mind when I realised this show didn't treat romance as a necessary ingredient #This is not to knock shippers for doing their thing btw #People can explore possibilities outside of canon #I'm just talking about how I feel about canon #And yes these are feelings I have as an aro person #but I do think it's valuable and refreshing in general not just for aspec people

[deeply-unserious-fellow]

The fanon interpretation of Vox and Valentino's relationship really is just Satan and Saddam Hussein in South Park huh.

#which I don't think is necessarily wrong? #but I DO think there's one key difference: Vox hits back #like obvs u should leave ur partner if they start hitting u even if you can fight back #but I just don't think Vox is as powerless in this situation as fans initially thought he would be lol #which means their relationship will probably end up more on the “fun to watch” side of the toxic scale #that one dynamic where they just shove two shitty guys together not bcuz they work but bcuz theyd be a fuckin trainwreck y'know? #either way I still think Vox should dump him :) #hazbin hotel #hazbin vox #hazbin valentino #staticmoth #south park #sp satan #I am not. I am not tagging this as Saddam Hussein. I refuse. #I don't have a tag for early morning ramblings so Im just gonna use the late night one #cuz tHIS IS MY BLOG I DO WHAT I WANT!!!!!!! #late night ramblings

[sukibenders]

Something that still doesn't sit right with me while being a part of the HOTD fandom is how Laena was done so dirty, from being placed as a "second" option for Daemon and having him keep her from returning home, from having her daughters see Driftmark, from seeing her own brother and parents before she died! That added on to the fact of how Daemon just sucked at loving her the way she deserved makes my blood boil. And to make matters worse, to drive the knife further, is during her funeral (added on to him laughing during it, which wasn't appropriate at all no matter the context or what anyone says) where she and her unborn son were only just recently placed at the bottom of the sea, Daemon and Rhaenyra sleep together and then marry each other all within the span of the same episode (don't even get me started on how they went heavy into the romantics of the moment but couldn't even bother to show Daemon be affection with Laena like he was in the books I believe).

And some in the fandom reaction to all this can be such a turn off. Because you can have people, mainly black fans, rightfully call out problems with this plot change, with Rhaenyra and Daemon sleeping together only right after Laena's funeral and will be met with so many heinous responses (a lot in which tie in with centering Rhaenyra and going "oh so you hate her" type beat) and it's so frustrating. That, and how we barely see Daemon interact with his daughters, let alone be affectionate as well as protective over them---that scene where the girls are bruised from a fight and clear in distress and yet Daemon doesn't even move to check on them nor go into a rage at the fact that his daughters were harmed, let alone the fact that his now dead wife's dragon was claimed by another on the day of her funeral. None of that. But will stand protectively by Rhaenyra and her sons' side without second thought. Make it make sense.

#hotd #house of the dragon #laena velaryon #daemon targaryen #rhaenyra targaryen #and it's so disheartening bc hotd producers made the velaryons black for obvs diversity points #and still could of had the same plot for that house and its characters with little problem #but instead they decided to do all the mess they did and it feels like such a disservice #you should know that you did something wrong when on of the actresses working with you goes #“hey....um...why was this plot added? is this necessary?” #and its a big reason why i don't really find myself being on any teams side in this verse #like yeah id choose rhae over aegon but i still have many choice words for her (daemon can choke) #the narrative really gives laena the disposable black girlfriend (or partner) trope just to move on to daemyra #that is so disrespectful #there's so much that i want to say but that'll be for another post #toxic daemyra stans dni!

[raayllum]

I will say one of the funniest things ever is that I was figuring Callum to be less devotional than canon has actually made him in arc 2, purely because I always figured that if Rayla kept pulling her self sacrificial bullshit (see numerous instances in s4) Callum would eventually be like "I can't do/love you like this anymore" and leave out of self preservation, and then 4x09's "I know" came along and said no, he would never actually leave her over this, and that's fucking insane to me but I love that for him

#tag ramble #mine #pining!callum #rayllum #arc 2 #like i always figured that kind of turning point for him would happen #(see 'just wait for me to come home') but in a like #'i'll always care about you and will save you but won't necessarily want to be in ur life/date you #if you don't get this figured out' #BUT S4 CALLUM CAN'T EVEN DO THAT BRO #like obvs they're not fully back together in s5 or anything but like. they also 70% Are lmao #it really does prove that once u have his god tier Loyalty #aka the ezran tier #there are no limits. which is always what i figured in regards to how rayla loves him #even if she's willing/been willing to trash their lives and not Be There with him #but good to know they could both equally lead one another down self destructive paths #love that in a ship

[4rk-in-the-road]

Doctors are so funny. They'll be like "Hey you should stop doing this thing" and when I explain I'm doing that thing because otherwise I'd be dysfunctional they just give up lmao

#A doctor I saw today was like you're taking way too many NSAIDs you should reduce them #Like okay yeah let me just stop taking the things that are letting me do anything besides laying down all day lmao #Obv I don't want to be taking as much pain medication as I am- don't you think I would stop if that was an option for me?? #In good news I have two referrals and an appointment with different specialists to see what's wrong #physically disabled #physical disability #chronic pain #spoonie #disabled #disability

[lucy-ghoul]

why are you, as an adult in 2024, still hung up on reylo. why are you still mocking the shippers. why do you believe yourself to be superior only because you dislike a stupid ship from a fucking space fairytale. girl (gnc) get a grip

#it's ridiculous. this ship is... stupidly cliché. like if you know fandoms at all #you could easily guess why people would be into it. hello?? have you tried to watch tfa without your hate-on-kyle-ron goggles? #did you watch their scenes together? you don't have to like something to recognize the hints #hell. at the time i didn't really like jonerys but i realized they were going to be a thing when i read agot in 2011 #like folks. it's been nearly TEN LONG YEARS. let it go. LET IT FUCKING GOOOO #and for the lucy/cooper shippers out there who think reylos are (again) delusional when they compare the two ships: #no. *you* are being delusional only because you think reylo is unsexy and uncool (which is your right to think btw. obv) #if you can't see why someone would like both of these pairings for similar reasons... idk what to say honestly #people compared it to hannigram... honestly. again i see why they would appeal to anyone who's into both ships #i really do. but... unpopular opinion (since i'm more of a clannibal fan than i could ever be of reylo): #they are more similar to reylo than will/hannibal. there i said it #i'm not talking about the writing (admittedly the quality of it was questionable). i'm talking about tropes #never mind that imo the ghoul is more akin to vader than kylo but whatever #hannibal is an unapologetic kind of villain. he's not gonna have a redemption arc and that's okay #cooper is an antivillain who used to be a good man and became a disfigured cruel bastard. a parody of himself #lucy is him. him before the bombs dropped before he discovered the person he trusted the most wanted to commit genocide #nice. moral. polite. infused with the Good Old American Values™. he's basically her dark side #all of this is very hannigram/clannibal. i'm not denying it at all #but what'll likely happen is that lucy's actions will have a positive influence on the ghoul and remind him of what it means to be a man #and that's way more reylo-like. sorry. #beauty&thebeast/villain with some hidden good in him+morally righteous heroine/enemies to lovers etc. #i mean. hello??..... having said that. i'm not so much of a reylo shipper anymore and tbh never was. i really liked it at the time #but i was never fond of the st era. my fav characters are vader and leia and revan from the old eu. just saying #*and* it's also not impossible lucy gets darker with the ghoul as her traveling companion. in fact i wouldn't dislike it at all #if done well i mean #but i would still like for people to be intellectually honest and less puerile. god knows i have my notps #but i really don't give a fuck about the shippers. good for them i guess? i have better taste lmao but that's heavily subjective #val rambles in the tags #val speaks #txt

[tokruta]

someone who is good at psychology help me understand why i adore jegulus with all my heart but don't like drarry outside of very specific aus

please my family is dying (my ability to read jegulus lives aus is heavily compromised)

#jegulus #drarry #harry potter #my greatest shame is that i can't completely drop hp fan content #i'll never touch official hp stuff (and haven't since like 2018) #but the fan content slaps so hard #especially the marauders stuff. been a james girlie since 2008 #my leading theory is that i just don't like draco and the few aus im talking about have to do with getting me to like him first #i think the only time i actually shipped drarry is in the dark prince trilogy bc they were bffs and super supportive to each other in a way #i found very compelling. the trilogy is hinny but if it was drarry i would have been 100% okay with it #so since each fic needs to win me over on draco instead of starting at me already liking him it's too much effort to read drarry so i don't #(i like regulus. everyone is allowed 1 death eater to like (obv you can like more i just mean ppl who despise them) and mine is him. #what can i say? the black brothers the stolen horcrux and the love for kreacher compel me. loved reggie long before i shipped jegulus) #does anyone have any jegulus lives aus with hinny? that'd be great! #hasan't

[beestandsforbiancanottheanimal]

hdkwhdkw god how i HATE the way every sakura-center fanfic is always about sakura realizing she isn't strong and that she needs to take her treaning more seriously AND THAT'S GREAT i love that but i definitely don't like that they always make her like, give up on sasuke(? or don't care about him or whatever. and i mean that doesn't make the fics less good or anything but c'mon, she's a twelve years old, let her have a crush at least. where are the fics where idk she realizes that sasuke (strong, and from a strong family sasuke) wouldn't like her if she's weak and doesn't take the ninja life seriously enough and blablabla and decides to do better because of that??? idk that's something I'd like to read i guess

#the way i don't post that much and when i do is me hating or criticizing something JSKWJSKSJS #but oh well that's life i guess #if you know any good fics like that #(or amy good naruto fics at all) #please send them to me #i mostly like to read sakura-center things and i like practically any of her shipps #but most of the times I'm not very picky so I'll accept anything as long as is good #well #and as long as it haves shipps obvs #naruto #naruto fandom #naruto uzumaki #sasuke uchiha #sakura haruno #sasusaku #anime and manga

[roobylavender]

obv the movie is titled zoey 102 but the most annoying thing about it was that we didn't even really get to see quinn and logan in their relationship. like the focus was almost always on their conflicts with regards to the marriage but the first real moment between them where it wasn't about that conflict was when they had their first dance and quinn teased him about the oyster shuckers. and it was such a small moment but i loved it and i want more insight into their daily life and the everyday teasing and uplifting and idk like again obv the title is zoey 102 but i don't think most people would disagree that it fully being a movie about quinn and logan would have been so much better. like the zoey and chase plot took up so much unnecessary space and their sudden bout of closure didn't even make sense bc they had one conversation prior to it after over a decade of mutual non-communication so why was any of this more important than quinn and logan. esp logan tbh. like quinn kind of had the liberty of a few moments to herself where she expressed her worldview in her own way but logan had close to none up until the proposal and yes i do love that he's quinn's number one supporter but i also wanted to know what that was like outside of the context of the wedding if that makes sense. like how he exists in their day to day relationship. there were glimpses of that in the final wedding sequence but i wanted so much more and i know the idea of a spin-off is so delusional at this point but the cast do apparently want to do it and i for one would love an exclusively quinn and logan spin-off where zoey and chase can be side characters ig 🙄 so.. why not!

#zoey 101 #zoey 102 #quinn x logan #quogan #i was very wary of the idea of a spin off at first but now that we know dan schneider is completely divorced of the project #i feel more inclined to want it if it's possible #granted i do still think the cast needs to work out their issues with alexa bc that was still shitty #but with the way the timing of jennette mccurdy's book worked out i have this feeling it contributed to their maybe #reevaluating their relationship with him. like they reunited with him barely a few years ago so it was surprising to see him not involved #in this movie. but the fact that production started only a few months after jennette's release really feels significant to me idk #like obv i don't want to make excuses for the cast but when you're a kid doing that work and parents are largely controlling you bts #i think it's fair to say you may be less inclined to want to admit that your experience working on a show was fucked up #bc it's scary to think it could have been. and from the response jennette got i feel like it was a huge catharsis for a lot of people #so who knows. maybe her book was what they needed to recognize that how he treated them was fucked up too #or at least that's what i hope. but anyway. erin and matt are super super sweet and their chemistry is phenomenal and i want a show

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

"i mess up things and then i don't have the energy to fix them up" yes brain true sentence but no brain the appropriate response is NOT "therefore i should kill myself (and here's how)"

#tw suicide #i wish i was joking #i am just so so tired of keeping myself alive! can't someone else do it for a change? or better yet kill me?? #said something to the emergency room psych #she queried it and i confirmed i had said precisely what i intended #she blinked and said 'i usually hear that from jaded forty year olds not twenty year olds' #i won't share what because it was a highly specific explanation of precisely how i might see myself suiciding or how/whether i thought i #could. she asked me and i answered. apparently she wasn't expecting that level of detail and confidence #is it funny to anyone else that i always struggle with confidence but i can confidently tell her specifics about suicide thoughts? #this is reminding me of the fifteen year old yesterday i was conversing with and he randomly started listing all the suicide methods he #could think of and i was internally like you missed a dozen i can think of. didn't say that obvs #i don't know i am. tired. of everything. and i had a long and good conversation with an older woman from church last night (mother of the #boy. i have confided in her before she's great) #she's hte only person irl who now knows about the second suicide attempt (tho she doesn't know it was the second) and she was encouraging m #to see the psych and escalate care #but all day ive been regretting telling the psych or bro or anyone honestly #it would be so much EASIER to have said nothing and gone through with my plan #i wouldn't trust myself not to rn if i had access #i mean. i know multiple ways in this room i could kill myself. but i won't #there's a couple of specific methods that are most of the thoughts usually so they're the specific ones i gotta watch out for more if that #makes sense #ooh gosh im rambling i should shut up xD #personal #puddleglum hours