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jaeyunverse · 8 months

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the death hoax

pairing: na jaemin x fem!reader

genres: superhero/supervillain au

wc: 1060

warnings: profanity, mentions of death, jaemin and y/n are morally grey characters (??) but i’m not sure if that’s how they can be described

summary: na jaemin was supposed to be dead, except he’s standing at your door with a favour he wants to ask of you.

note: this was originally written for enhypen but i thought of switching things up!

masterlist

“Aren’t you supposed to be dead?”

“I’ll die after I cash in that favour you owe me.”

Rolling your eyes, you opened your door wider and allowed Na Jaemin to come inside. Noticing the large suitcase rolling behind him, you raised an eyebrow.

“Is that why you’re here?”

He didn’t answer immediately, instead taking his sweet time to survey your apartment. Appearing satisfied, he turned to face you and said, “Kind of. You don’t seem surprised to see I’m alive. Why?”

“Because I know you wouldn’t die at anyone else’s hands,” you answered and plopped down on your couch. “I know you want me to kill you someday.”

He blankly stared at you for a moment. Then, a mischievous smile broke out on his lips. “True.”

“Besides,” you said, surfing through Netflix to find a good movie to watch. “Your cover story was horrible. No way did Torch manage to burn you alive. He can’t even wash his ass properly.”

“Maybe my fake death would have been more believable if you hadn’t faked yours first,” Jaemin pointed out and took a seat beside you. Removing his shades, he continued, “You’re the only superhero capable of beating me. Our battle would have gone down in history as one of the greatest.”

Averting your gaze from the television, you glanced at your nemesis to find he was already looking at you. “Electricity manipulation versus elemental control,” you mused. “I can’t lie, I’ve seen better in movies.”

“Well, there’s my immortality and your self-regeneration to consider too. I can’t die, and you can’t be killed. That would have made one hell of a fighting sequence.”

You paused, thinking about it for a moment. “Yeah, you’re right. We could have made BuzzFeed’s Top 10 of the Century.”

“Top 3.”

“Now you’re just pushing it.”

Jaemin gave you a pointed look to which you shrugged. Sighing, he said, “I won’t beat around the bush. I’m here to ask you for sanctuary.”

“You wanna live with me?” you deadpanned.

“Till I can find a new planet to move on to, yeah.”

He must have seen the uncertainty on your face because he clarified, “I don’t want to stay on Earth anymore. My home is gone and there’s little one can do to make the next several thousand years of their life more interesting. Exploring the universe to search for ways to strip myself of my immortality seems to be a productive way of spending my time.”

“You got bored of terrorizing Earth so you copied me and faked your death. Then you came to my house so you’d have a place to stay while you planned the remainder of your life and hunted for ways to die. Did I get it all right?”

“I can’t possibly plan my entire life; it’s too long. All I want to do right now is decide what my next destination should be. Hopefully, it’ll lead me to the weapon I seek. And if you’re still alive by the time it comes into my possession, I’ll return and you can deliver the death blow.”

You rolled your eyes. “I’m flattered, but you know what I mean.”

“Come on, Y/N, say yes,” Jaemin urged. “You owe me a favour.”

You eyed him skeptically and weighed your options.

Lee Jaemin, better known by the public as Thunder, was a supervillain. You, Phoenix, on the other hand, were a superhero. He was an immortal from a planet that had long been destroyed by extraterrestrial forces which were now extinct, while you were just a human (okay, part-human) from Earth.

Under normal circumstances, the two of you would have been arch nemeses. He was the bad guy who had to be defeated, and you were the representation of all that was good.

Except, you didn’t want to be good. Being gifted with powers wasn’t something you had asked for. Much to your displeasure, you’d been given the responsibility to protect the human race against all sorts of evil from the moment you showed signs of elemental control and rapid self-regeneration.

Over the course of your work, you’d realised not everyone was worth saving. Faking your death to escape your duties may have been completely selfish, but you didn’t give a flying fuck. You’d done enough.

Besides, the other superheroes could take over for you—Torch, apparently, already had.

Lee Jaemin had proved to be an unlikely ally. During the times he wasn’t causing havoc, he was a fun person to be around. He seemed to share a lot of your notions and views—something you’d found rather shocking at first.

No one except you knew the truth about him. As far as the world was concerned, he was just an ill-fated super from Earth who had lost his way.

“Before I say anything,” you began, “why did you fake your death? You could have just disappeared.”

“Closure,” Jaemin replied. “The residents of your planet needed to know I was gone for good. I didn’t want them to wonder when I would come back—to fear the kind of horrors I was planning in my absence.”

You snorted. “Weird to see you being considerate after causing so much pain and suffering.”

“No.” Jaemin’s eyes darkened. “I never wanted to hurt innocents. They were just casualties. Sacrifices for the greater good.”

This was definitely not part of the many notions you shared. “Maybe that’s what the people who invaded your planet thought,” you bit back. “Maybe they thought your kind was just an obstacle standing in the way of their greater good. Maybe that’s why they had no qualms exterminating everyone you cared for.”

Jaemin’s jaw clenched, electricity beginning to cackle at the tips of his fingers. “Do you or do you not accept my request, Y/N?”

You stared him down. “On one condition: you take me with you when you leave. I’m done here.”

“I’m not forming the fucking suicide squad. Besides, you’re only human.” If he was surprised, he didn’t show it. “You won’t make it.”

Letting a small smirk tug the corner of your lip upwards, you answered, “Did you forget what you said, Jaemin? I can’t be killed. You’ve witnessed the things I’m capable of. If there’s anyone who can make it, it’s me.”

Jaemin tilted his head to the side. Scrutinized you. Thought about the pros and cons of bringing you along.

“Deal.”

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takaraphoenix · 6 months

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In TOA, Riordan wrote that the entire camp was trying to find a mate for Reyna and that everyone but Jason knew about her conversation with Venus, making her the target of gossip, pity, and unwanted recommendations. He then had her join the hunters of Artemis and later declared on twitter that he wrote her as an asexual character.

Omitting the fact that no one at Camp Jupiter mentioned Reyna's love life in HOO and that that seems more like a indirect criticism to fans, does any of the character's conclusion make sense?

I mean, there was talk of Reyna's love life in HoO, specifically from Reyna herself who expressed interest in Percy, and before that from Jason about them perhaps being involved in TLH (before, ya know, Riordan retconned that there was never-ever-ever anything between them because Riordan has this warped perception that any other attractions invalidate the current one, so to booster Jason and Piper, Jason could not possibly have an ex-girlfriend).

It was part of what made Reyna so incredibly interesting in HoO, because she had unfulfilled romantic plotlines whereas Riordan tends to herd characters off like that ship was named Arc II and not Argo II.

That being said, I think that the conclusion both makes total sense as well as not making sense at all, so let me elaborate.

Firstly, the not making sense part. Her being asexual reads very much like an allo doing the most surface level reading up on aspec identities.

Because what he wrote for her very much reads more as an aroace identity than an allo ace identity, and thus reads like an allo author who doesn't know how to separate sexual attraction from romantic attraction and just conflates them.

If she were actually asexual, there is no... no reason to join the Riordan-version of a cloister (I have many negative thoughts on his interpretation of the hunt) and avoid all advances, there is no reason to hide away from romantic advances and avoid them all at all cost?

She'd still experience romantic attraction as an asexual person, so why shouldn't she go on dates, meet people, get into a relationship?

It would actually have been a great way to have her come out as asexual to her partner and explain that while she does feel romantic attraction, she may not be interested in sex (and I am saying "may" because many asexual people are interested in sex, despite not feeling sexual attraction).

All of that, coupled with the twitter outing, makes it not really feel... fulfilling. It makes it feel half-assed through and through, both in the research on this identity department, as well as the coming out. Because there is nothing more frustrating than when writers prove to be too incompetent to put their story on actual paper and instead of giving a character a fulfilling arc and a real, canonical coming out, they just post some random tweet like that's worth shit.

Sure, hearing the author confirm a queer identity even in a non-canonical setting can be rewarding in that it recognizes a queer identity, but... it's not representation, it's a cop-out. Representation happens in the canon medium at hand.

Now, if he actually pulls through with this and has Reyna come out in one of the approximately 125 coming PJOverse books that he's going to write? Because it is worth noting that we're not talking about a closed story here and that his tweet could just be a "hey, guys, it's a slow build up and the coming out is gonna happen later but I want to clarify that yes, this is canon". That's the good faith argument here.

And on that note, I want to say why it is a satisfying conclusion, particularly for me as an asexual lesbian.

One of my favorite characters of all time is ace? Holy shit, that's a massive win! A leading character in one of the biggest YA series of all time is canonically ace? Hades yes, that is amazing and could do so much for visibility and also for helping younger aces figure themselves out earlier (provided, of course, that he actually puts the conclusion in a book).

I'm an even bigger fan of late coming out stories. Stories of queer people who pretended to be like everyone else around them to fit in and may have even lied to themselves.

Because there's a modern trend of gold-star-ism. As in, these queers came out of the womb queer, they have always known they were x identity!! Now, those very much exist, but the amount of this kind of representation in media very much warps the perception. Because not everybody always knew and many queer people struggle for varying amounts of time with finding their identity.

It's never 'too late' to confirm a character as any queer label, because real actual queer people may go through allo/CIS/het pretenses before coming out and if you take a character you previously portrayed in such a way and give them a journey into realizing they may be any share of queer, that is still a valid portrayal of real experiences and, even if on a meta-level it may be a "retcon" in that the author may not have always considered this character queer, it still very much checks out in-universe as a realistic journey.

Lastly, I want to get into the part about indirect criticism of fans. The way you put that, I'm not a hundred percent sure what you mean, but I'm assuming you're referring to the many fans who headcanon Reyna, or go a step farther and think she should be canonically a lesbian. I do remember backlash from that side of the fandom in regards to this.

But... again, as an asexual lesbian, I don't entirely see a problem there unless you do not actually know what asexuality means. Because she could very well still be a lesbian. You could still headcanon her as a lesbian. So, this isn't exactly something Riordan did that spites and destroys that headcanon, and the uproar about it was equally... pointless? The only way this could have been an indirect criticism toward fans would have been if he indeed just conflated aro and ace, and if the fans who took offense, also conflate aro and ace.

So, that's my answer to your question. It is most definitely not a perfect way of handling this and I hope he does something more with this in future books that truly puts this identity into a canonical framework, I hope he differentiates aromantic and asexual identities here more clearly, but I'm glad for any representation to come out of even clumsy writing.

#Asexuality #Reyna Avila Ramírez-Arellano #PJOverse #Riordan Critical #but like. honestly very mild for a change?#damn this ask makes me wanna write about ace Reyna coming out #can't believe I have never done that actually. huh

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soft-deceitful-wiles · 2 years

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hi, luv.

how would u fix, with the smallest change possible, the piece of media you've seen completely and now u hate the most?

This is a cruel, cruel, question...We both know no small change can fix a disaster!

Sadly the last few years have given me a TON of options to choose from 😭

But I wanna clarify two things:

Im gonna choose one, but its really one a bit at "random" that I think could be maybe half fixable and still end. But by no means this one is necessarily worse than any other.

I dont hate the show now, I hate whoever made the really bad decisions that now hace made it imposible to me to enjoy (at least so far) rewatching a show that is VERY LONG cause im constantly remembering the ending...🤬🤬🤬

*clears her throat*

SUPERNATURAL

After 15 years of tv show

15 years

thats easy to fucking say

you wrap the big bad wolf in the penultimate ep and give us A SHITTY VAMP NEST FOR A FINALE

A shitty af vamp nest that KILLS DEAN WINCHESTER

Thats after you deny us Destiel in our last fucking oportunity...

Lets not

How do i fix it with the least changes?

Dont send Castiel to super eeby deeby, SEND HIM INTO DEANS ARMS

Last kill before retirement? God, as anyone with a single braincell could have told you

DON KILL DEAN, GIVE HIM A FUCKING HAPPY ENDING WITH CAS LIKE HE DESERVES

Sam decides before retiring to do ONE last job (that DOESNT get complicated FOR ONCE cause God is not fucking messing with things) and that is to undo God dissapearing his FOR-ONCE-GOOD-REPRESENTATION-IN-THIS-SHOW-OMG Eileen, instead of using and moving on like all the female characters before her. Dean and Cas help him ofc.

In the end they live GOOD, LONG lives, cause they killed God so they arent anybody's Chosen Ones for anything anymore.

And if you wanted just to DESTROY my heart, when they die (except Cas ofc), you see them reunite with the rest of the main recurrent cast (Bobby, their parents, Jack as new God, Jody, Charlie...)

AND THATS HOW YOU END A 15 Y.O. TV SHOW

Yes... Im not over it and i get very passionate about this kinds of things

#ask #supernatural #spn

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supersquiddy · 3 years

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Correct me if I’m wrong, but did the movie basically say Kaworu’s fixation on Shinji was “wrong” and then have Shinji get with Mari and Kaworu get with Rei at the end? I don’t get why they put so many romantic connotations in kawoshin just to say homo bad, het good.

Hi! For me personally, I saw things a bit different. Yes, Kaworu did say he misunderstood Shinji's happiness. Yes, Kaji said that it was Kaworu's happiness Kaworu wanted. But he also said that Kaworu wanted Shinji's happiness to make himself happy. I don't think this is necessarily a condemnation of Kaworu's actions. It seems like if Shinji was happy, he was happy, he just had to make Shinji happy. But he didn't know how. He assumed what Shinji needed to be happy. And yes, it is wrong to assume what someone needs, but Kaworu really doesn't know what else to do. From my understanding, in 3.33, Kaworu's understanding of what Shinji needed to be happy was that Shinji needed to pilot again. They needed the spears to reverse the damage Shinji did to the world. However, things didn't go as planned. It was actually a trap. Kaworu thought Shinji's happiness would be found in an Eva again but he was wrong. That's why in 3+1, Kaworu apologizes to Shinji about misunderstanding his happiness when Evas were brought up.

And it's a lot like real life, some people want to help another person but they don't ask the person what they really need. They just do what they think is right for the person. They are wrong but they aren't bad people (usually) for it.

Personal example: I have a friend who I love to bits. He's pretty much the Shinji to my Kaworu (platonically.) There have be plenty of times when I felt so similar to him. (The "I'm you. I'm just like you." line from Kaworu hit me so hard cause I thought about how I felt about my friend.) I'm always trying to help him, trying my best to help him be happy because that makes me happy to. Especially since I feel so similar to him, it's like I'm giving myself the help I never got. But oftentimes, I project my own ideas of what it means to be happy on him instead of concidering what he wants. It isn't out of malicious intent, it's just comes from the strong desire to help him. But it isn't right. So Kaworu's scene hit home to me and I got it cause I experienced it in a way.

I personally don't think that since the movie said he misunderstood what Shinji wanted, doesn't necessarily mean he was a bad person. I think the movie was just trying to flaw him like all the other characters since Kaworu is, compared to the main cast, pretty flawless. However I wish they did a better job since I've seen many people disappointed or confused about this choice. I wasn't bothered by it at all because I related to it. Hopefully my rambles make sense to you!

Now to address the other part of your ask! What was that ending? To keep it short, I believe that these "pairings" aren't set in stone. Mari and Shinji did flirt with each other but does that 100% mean they are dating? Not exactly. Rei and Kaworu were seen standing and talking next to each other, does that mean they are dating? Not exactly. One thing I've noticed that is sometimes lost in online discussion is interpretation. Not everything we watch has a set meaning. You and I can watch the same thing and have wildly different takes from it, and that's perfectly fine. Everyone won't always agree what they feel or think a piece of media has to say. As far as I know, Anno did not come out and confirm it himself that Shinji and Mari are dating and that Kaworu and Rei are dating. So it's all up to how you interpret their relationship. Some might see it as purely romantic, some might see it as purely platonic, they are both interpretations that can work. I think it's interesting at least that Shinji and Mari are shown on one side of the track. While Askua, Kaworu, and Rei are shown on the other. They are all, I asume, dead. But Mari was able to retrieve Shinji. So it's the classic one side has the living, the other side of the tracks have the dead visualization. I have nowhere to go with that but I just wanted to point it out.

I find it also interesting that they showed Kaworu and Rei next to each other. This movie compared Kaworu to Gendo. Kaworu is determined to make Shinji happy just as much as Gendo is determined to see Yui again, and they both fail to make things go as planned. So very interesting things can be taken from seeing Kaworu and Rei together. Since they are representations of Shinji's parents, they could be dating. (I don't believe that but I'm trying to show that things can be interpreted in different ways.) Or, if you want to go the more "deep route", they are important halves to Shinji's whole. Kind of like you are half one of your parents and half the other. (Very lose explainion of genetics but you see what I'm saying???) I'm not saying that they literally ARE his parents, but are halves of Shinji similar to how one is "half" their parents. Think about in EOE. First when Kaworu was another part of giant Rei. And then that part where Rei and Kaworu were with Shinji, helping him decide between humanity and Instrumentality. Shinji asks "what are the two of you within my heart?" Rei responds that "We are the hope that people will one day be able to understand each other." And Kaworu says "We are the words, "I love you."" Shinji just wanted to be understood and loved. However, Shinji says it is just a pretense, just a claim. But that isn't important to dive into for the point I'm making. Kaworu and Rei are reflections of what Shinji desires. And it's a decent thematic choice to have them resemble his parents in 3+1 the since they are halves of Shinji's heart that makes up his whole. Shinji's WHOLE character is driven by the desire to understand, but how? He is driven to be loved, but how? Kaworu and Rei reflect that.

All of that to say that there are a lot of things you can take from just the little bit of information. I wasn't fond of the ending but it didn't make me feel like the movie was saying that straight was good and gay was bad. HOWEVER, I do not fault you at all for seeing it like that. Because, on the surface it really does look like that....it really does. Both Kaworu and Mari are queer coded and seemly put in het relationships. But in Evangelion, things aren't always what they look on the surface. There is so much you can take from one scene, there are different ways to read what you're presented. I can't pretend to know Anno and his intentions for the Rebuilds, especially this one, but I don't believe he wanted things to be so cut and dry.

As you can see, I'm very passionate about this!!! Hopefully what I said made a lick of sense. And if not, please Anon ask me to clarify some things. Or maybe you want to challenge what I said! Which is cool too. Eva is a series I really love and I learned quickly that you got to realize that not everything is as it seems in the show.

I'll leave you with this: Remember that Kaworu and Shinji's names are written in the Book of Life. They are bound to meet each other over and over again. Being linked that way is pretty romantic. I'm with you Anon, kawoshin has so much potential that was seemingly shattered by this movie. But there are still some beautiful albeit brief moments between the two.

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moonbaby26 · 3 years

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Title: Rare Company

Pairing: Loki x Goddess!Reader

Summary: Story set nearer the Viking Age. You were a Greek sea goddess who crossed paths with the god of mischief. Continuation from previous chapter. Several days after your initial meeting, Loki returns allowing some unexpected time together. And spurring you to wonder what could become of this, as well as trying to address what your own feelings might be for this new god.

Warnings: None, just fluff this chapter.

Chapters: Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

Taglist: @rosaline-black , @lawfeys

My Masterlist

��—————————

Things had fallen back into routine after a while. Even if you still caught yourself daydreaming from time to time. You had imagined working up the nerve to ask your father for permission to visit Asgard. No one from your family had in ages from all you could tell, and what an act of diplomacy that could be.

Instead of roaming far and wide as you normally would, you had more kept to these southern seas as well. That little voice inside you wondering if Loki would return. The forest nymphs had delivered word to your sea nymphs that he had departed back through what you now knew as the bifrost the very same day you had met him.

He’d only lingered a couple more hours they’d said, seemingly in thought within the forest before he’d called out for the bridge to reopen and had disappeared the same strange way he’d come.

You had taken the form of a dolphin today, idly swimming around the fishing boats you’d come upon in open water. They should know you symbolized luck. And if they seemed grateful, you’d gladly chase more fish into their nets in your boredom.

But it was then that another group of dolphins appeared, though you recognized them instantly for the nymphs that they were.

Excitedly they darted around you.

“He’s back, that prince of Asgard! And he calls for you, milady!”

The shock had been immense. You really hadn’t known if he would return. But you’d hoped, hadn’t you? And now he was actually asking for you by name.

Of course you must go to him. You were a goddess of your word after all.

———————————

And he was at the same beach you’d been on the first day he’d appeared. Through father’s magic, you could travel the hidden currents of the deep ocean, being wherever you needed to be within minutes rather than hours or the days that it would have taken mortals.

You swam slower though as you neared the shore, still underwater as you’d taken your spear from one of the nymphs once more. He was still a stranger to you after all. Though maybe that would change? It was hard to say why he really would have returned again.

There was a nervousness that was so foreign to you as you finally swam shallow enough to stand up and begin to walk from the waters. The gills on your neck that only opened when you were under for any real length of time, now dissolved back into smooth skin as the dry air reached you.

Your dress clung to your wet body as well, far more sheer in the sunlight, and for a moment you wondered if Asgardian culture was more modest in the view of their own bodies or not. You couldn’t remember reading about that.

Hopefully he would not think it obscene. But as you made eye contact with him, you really could read nothing in his gaze. Only his body language looked impatient as he sat in the weak shade of a tree long gnarled by the ocean’s winds.

You bowed lightly in greeting as you stopped before him, even though you still held your spear upright in one hand. “Prince Loki of Asgard, I am pleased to see you again.”

You did notice that fleeting look through his eyes at that, as if he was once again trying to decide your sincerity.

“You think me a fool, don’t you?” Was what he finally said though. Not quite as cutting in tone as the other day however, but still very guarded.

You straightened at the accusation, though curious to his point.

But he continued before you could respond. “You are no minor goddess, (Y/N) of the sea,” He repeated, seeming to mock your wording from your last meeting. “I read more on your kind once I returned to Asgard. Care to introduce yourself with less deception this time?”

You smiled before you could help yourself. So you were the deceptive one? When the very first time you’d ever laid eyes on him, it had only been a false image. What a strange choice of words.

But had he really done the same thing you had then? Gone home and studied you? Was he annoyed that there would be any subject he knew so little about? You wanted to know if your own studying had been enough though, as this time you answered him in the language of the Asgardians, or what you hoped was at least close enough to be intelligible.

“I did not lie to you. I am the daughter of the sea. Because my father is the sea...Poseidon, king of the sea, and god of the oceans, earthquakes, storms, and horses.” Which yes, made you a princess you supposed, niece of Zeus, and sibling and cousin to so many others in the pantheon of gods and goddesses that was the Olympus royal family.

His eyebrows raised a little as his own language came off your tongue. But you could see it would still take far more for him to really show himself impressed even as a slight smirk did cross his face for the very first time. “Your intonation still needs much work, goddess. We can keep to Greek for now.”

True, beginning to learn a new language just through the written word was far different than actually hearing it spoken. “I haven’t had much time to study since you first came.” You smiled back. “I did try.”

“Clearly.” He answered, though still seeming to be just the slightest amused you thought.

“So is that the only reason you have returned? To chide me for not announcing myself a king’s daughter?” You asked, but trying not to sound as curious as you truly were.

He did pause a moment, but you were realizing that seldom did he find himself without quick words. “Partly I suppose.” He responded. “But you also said that I was now a guest here. Unless that hospitality has been revoked, I am choosing to take more time from Asgard in a place where I will not be bothered.”

So he still was mostly wanting solitude after all then? Though slightly disappointing, you knew it was something you could well understand. You wondered if his family could be as chaotic as your own. “This is a good place for it then. To not be bothered I mean. And yes, I stand by my offer of your being a guest here.”

After waiting this many days you really would have preferred to be in his presence more than a few moments. But it would be rude to impose yourself as well. “I will leave you to yourself then.” You spoke, already resigning your own self to likely the rest of the day alone as a shark or a dolphin. Well, maybe something that could dive even deeper. You now felt like going lay in a trench somewhere actually.

“Wait.”

The call back surprised you, even as it had sounded more like a command, pausing your rising disappointment as you glanced back over your shoulder.

“I had actually intended just to read today. But as you evidently have been reading at times as well, unlike so many others I know-” There seemed to be quite a bit of resentment to whomever he was referring to there, “I could be inclined to return to Asgard briefly and fetch some books from our library for you as well if you would like to read with me.”

You stared at the abrupt invitation. Did he really mean for you to sit with him, reading together then? So he was not entirely averse to your presence any longer?

Your silent stare only had him keep talking as if he thought he might need to further persuade you though. “I am sure you would get a far more accurate representation of Asgardian culture and history from our own authors, rather than whatever it was you had clumsily dug up here.”

The air of superiority had returned to his tone as he’d mentioned their writers of course, but he was likely right. If you wanted to read about Asgard, what better source than from the Asgardians themselves?

“I would appreciate that very much,” You said truthfully, albeit still with some surprise.

“Then it is done.” He said decisively, then standing to walk back to the forest.

“Loki,” you called before you could stop yourself though. You also realized it was the first time you had said his name this informally. You paused, unsure if this was something he generally allowed or not.

But when he looked back at you, you saw no anger in his eyes. He looked a little caught off guard himself, but only for the briefest moment.

“I...” You tried to not lose your nerve. “May I follow you? Not to Asgard of course,” You clarified quickly. There were far too many protocols that could be broken there, “But close enough to see the bifrost open? I’ve never seen it.”

He hesitated to consider your request. You supposed any good steward of their kingdom would. But even if you were trying some attempt at subterfuge and intended to force your way to Asgard, what threat could a single Olympian really pose? Especially only a water goddess at that.

He must have agreed you were no real threat either as he finally nodded, motioning for you to follow him.

And once you had reached that clearing again, this time you were close enough to see the symbols his last entrances had cut into the ground. Such a unique way to travel you thought.

But you were smart enough to still keep your distance as you did back back away as you saw him look to the sky.

“Heimdall!” He called. “Open the bifrost, I need to return!” He said in his own language.

For a moment nothing happened, but then the birds began to fly as the trees shook in the growing wind. You could just see the sky, a swirl of clouds beginning before a light as bright as any of Zeus’ lightning bolts erupted down with that boom you had heard before. Loki disappeared into the light, the wind whipping all around you before the bifrost vanished back into those clouds just as suddenly and there was silence again.

“Amazing,” you breathed, just to yourself and any still lingering animals that may have heard you.

—————————-

It felt like far longer than it really was you were sure. Your anticipation just stretching out the minutes as you’d waited for his return.

But when he did come back, in all the same dramatics as his exit with the bifrost opening, then closing to leave him there again in the clearing, he now had a satchel of several books.

You assumed Asgard may be a good deal cooler in temperature than your sandy beaches for as much of him that was covered in clothing. So you tried to help find the best shade that you could, and with an unblocked pass for the cool ocean breeze as you sat together beneath more trees.

“I’ve put a spell on these to make them waterproof,” He commented, “Though do still take care, some of these are from Father’s personal collection.”

“That’s practical,” You admitted, not at all offended, but awed really that he would bring such rare items for your viewing.

It was a bit of a slow go for you though, everything being written in the Asgardian language. But you were happy to find that you could understand enough with some effort, and that the gist of the stories and the histories being told were still coming across to you.

You weren’t sure how many hours the two of you sat that way. Every now and again you could see one of the sea nymphs peeking out from where the waves were breaking, keeping a curious eye on the two of you.

Eventually it was him that finally closed the last book he had been working through though. “I suppose I should return.” He said.

You were gentle with the book you still had, closing it as well as you handed it back to him. You felt as if you should say something more, but a simple, “Thank you,” was all that really came to mind in this moment.

He quieted though, looking out to the sun, now low over the darkening ocean. “It is not as fully terrible here in Midgard as I first assumed.”

You chuckled, how often would he make a habit of these insults? “I suppose any place can have its good qualities.”

But you badly wanted to ask him what had brought him here in the first place then. If he was to come to the mortal realm, wouldn’t it have made more sense to stay to the north where he was already legend? Why come here to the lands of the Olympians?

“You do have a way of staring through a person when you’re curious about something. You realize this don’t you?” He asked you in return though, just observing your features then.

You blinked, genuinely wondering if he possessed telepathy and you hadn’t known it.

“You’re looking at me in the same way as when you wanted to see the bifrost. So what do you wish to know of Asgard that could not be found in those books?”

You hesitated. He was still a god after all, and you knew how fickle they could be. You didn’t wish to anger him with your nosiness, but it would also be rude to ignore such a direct question.

“Well...I’m wondering why you came to our land to begin with. No Asgardians have set foot here in many ages from what I can discern. Why would you be so different?”

“You think me different?” He responded immediately though. Concerning you actually, before he scoffed, “Then you are intelligent. I am nothing like those I came here to seek relief from. My fool brother and his equally boorish companions.”

“Thor?” You asked innocently enough.

But the look he gave you as that name came off your lips would have been far answer enough before it became the key that opened the gates.

“He has been completely insufferable since Father bequeathed him Mjolnir!” You could see Loki’s jaw tightening slightly, the frustrated expression growing and so similar to that angered one you remembered on his illusion’s face that first day in the clearing, when it’d been pacing and cursing.

“Is that what happened recently?” You asked reflexively, but still believing that you already had the answer.

“Oh, he’s been using the hammer for years of course. Yet it always belonged to Asgard, not him. A relic of our realm. But now it is truly his per Father’s public declaration. Thor’s hammer,” He mocked, “Worthy to the one who will one day succeed Odin to take the throne. Father has now cast Thor as his official heir in our people’s eyes with this blunder.”

You remained quiet to digest the information he was providing you. So Loki felt slighted, no disgusted actually to learn the throne was seemingly all but promised to his brother now. So had he really already had that high of expectations for it?

“I guess Asgard and Olympus aren’t so different after all,” You finally mused, though trying to keep your tone even rather than sounding patronizing. “I mean, Zeus, Hades, and Poseidon. Our three kings, they overthrew their father Cronus and locked him in Tartarus to claim rule. Admittedly Cronus had eaten Hades, Poseidon, and their other siblings previously though.”

Loki stared at you and you just smiled oddly then. “My family has not always been on the best terms with each other either.”

“Your grandfather ate your father?” Loki asked as if to reaffirm the insanity he’d just heard. “I thought that was just a myth.”

“No, father has the scars still,” You admitted. “Cronus devoured his children as he didn’t want anyone to succeed him. But my grandmother Rhea, she hid Zeus away when he was born. And Zeus forced Cronus to regurgitate the others later.”

“Ugh,” Loki said, making a face.

You laughed, glad you seemed to at least get his mind off of Thor for the moment. “That all happened ages before I was born though. Luckily it’s now more frowned upon to treat your children in such a manner. Those were the old ways.”

“And you do have many siblings don’t you?” He questioned. “I read the Olympians were quite, how should I say, prolific in their child bearing.”

“Truth I’m afraid. Which is why I like to keep to the seas rather than Father’s palace or Mount Olympus. At least you only have one Thor, rather than a dozen.”

“Gods,” Loki spoke, the evident horror in that thought too much to contemplate seriously.

But you were just smiling again, realizing how much the ice had finally been broken to even be having this type of conversation right now. You were honestly enjoying the back and forth. It would be a shame to not do this again sometime.

And you had to try and convey that, at least somewhat if you could. You didn’t know how many other chances you would have. “Before you go...I did mean it, Loki, when I said you were welcome as a guest here. You can always come back when you need a little hideaway from whatever transpires to irk you in Asgard.”

He stared at you again then. It troubled you though of how little you seemed to be able read him at times. As if he could just cast a curtain between you whenever he wished.

“Perhaps I just may.” Loki said at last though with little emotion, then finally standing now and collecting his satchel of books.

It was only then that you really realized how dark it had already gotten with the sun now setting. And you caught yourself admiring him a little in the red and purple hues now coming from the sky. He really was so different than the gods you’d known before. Should you say something more?

As you stood as well, picking your spear back up from the sands, you saw several nymphs quickly sink back down into the surf, pretending as if they were not also very interested in how else you may say goodbye to him.

“You must not often entertain guests,” Loki spoke though, evidently having noticed your audience as well even as he began to walk away from you.

“Not men,” You answered honestly, though pausing as you realized how that really sounded. You continued though, not sure if you were making things sound worse or better. “Mostly we stay at sea. And I have no interest in unwashed sailors.”

But he stopped at that before entering the forest. He posed such a simple question to you then, although one that could mean so much more. “Yet you have interest in me?”

You felt as if you’d been hit in the chest at his words. Said quietly even as you saw his blue eyes on you once more, analyzing...waiting.

But how could one word have so many meanings? Interest as in he was just a curiosity, a strange foreigner to study like some new sea creature you had found? Or interest like a friend, to read together and talk and vent on the very particular family aspects you shared just as you’d done today?

Or...and this was surely the most disconcerting of all, interest as in how he could feel if you were allowed to touch him? How he would taste if you could kiss him? Your kind took lovers frequently. That should be no secret to him or anyone else. But just because other gods and goddesses of Olympus bedded one another left and right, it didn’t mean you did.

But did he you wondered? Did he have his choice of consorts at his palace, a full court always vying for his attentions to try and pull themselves further up the social ladder via way of his bed? Surely he would, wouldn’t he?

Yet your hesitation in answering was enough to indict you of your own desires you feared. Surely if he meant little, that would have been an easy response. To think on it this long, just made your confession for you didn’t it?

You took a breath, trying to remind yourself that you should fear no man. On a whim you could transform into a great shark and consume any prey, you could move the waters themselves, wreck ships, destroy harbors should you truly wish to. These were the gifts given to you from your father.

You were a goddess after all, not just an enamored young woman. And all you could do was speak the truth. “I do have interest in you, Loki.” You finally answered. “But to what path that will take is highly dependent on your own desires I’m sure. I know nothing of Asgardian preferences when it comes to choosing who to court, if at all.”

He had only been looking at you before, but now turned to fully face you. Unlike yourself, it seemed he had no problem in finding words though. “Your beauty is not something rare in Asgard, that is true.” He said, yet continuing before you could feel that as too harsh a barb, “But your mind, your ability, and even your desire to learn of what is outside your own world, that may be something wholly more compelling.”

Yet this didn’t sound like something that should be considered rare to you, or enough to set you apart at all you thought. And he seemed to read this disbelief clearly on your face as he then admonished you for it.

“You think I exaggerate? That even one of those vapid headed children could sit still for more than an hour without having to go break something or fight someone to prove their worth? Or that any other would sit here with me as you have done today and it not be just farce to try and get closer to my brother or to get in Odin’s favor?”

So you had been right on one thing at least. The Asgardian court did have its share of social climbers then. Maybe in this you could finally see some weight to his words. Because what did you care of such things? Your father was already a king. You did not need to seduce a prince to find anything in your life that you could not have by birthright already.

But if this was his way of admitting he at least approved of your company, it still didn’t clarify as to what all he really wanted from you.

“Well, I still leave the decision as yours. You know how to find me should you be willing to see me again. If you bring books, I will read with you. If you only want an ear to listen, I will do so. And if you desire for more...we can address that as we come to it.” You said, in what you hoped was a mature sounding way to deal with these burgeoning feelings.

“Very well.” He answered too simply though. And you were sure you saw some enjoyment in his eyes as your expression showed you were left a bit unsatisfied by that. “Goodnight, (Y/N).”

And it was night by then, the fresh stars now fully surpassing the light from the fading sun. You stayed on the beach this time though, watching him disappear into the wooded hillside.

In not too much time, you then heard the boom that signaled the bifrost’s open and close and you knew that he was gone.

————————————

(Continued in next chapter here)

#loki x you #loki x reader #loki x original female character #loki x oc #loki x y/n #loki #loki odison x reader #loki layfeyson x reader #loki layfeyson imagine #loki laufeyson #loki odinson #loki fanfic #loki fluff #loki fandom #loki imagine

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spencersawkward · 3 years

Note

omg i’m so glad u have a tumblr!! ur literally my fav mgg fic author ❤️ i’m a hoe for that man can u do sleeping together for the first time with like an age gap or something spicy lmao

hi omg thank you 😊 that literally means the world to me! also thank you for requesting one of my fave things to write haha i love first-time-having-sex-together tropes. happy reading!

summary: reader is an artist who needs some inspiration, preferably from her new boyfriend.

content warnings: unprotected penetrative sex, age gap, creampie, a little breeding kink, oral (male receiving), kind of Dom!Matthew vibes, dirty talk, praise kink with a hint of degradation as well (not super prominent).

word count: 4.4k

relationship: Fem!Reader/Matthew

masterlist

I straighten up and bend backward a bit to relieve the pressure on my spine. my hair is falling out of the knot on my head and I push a stray piece behind my ear, placing the wooden paintbrush between my teeth. aside from the warm, mellifluous tones pouring from the speakers, the apartment is silent.

I've hit a creative wall, it seems. every time I've tried to paint this week, I find myself standing above a stretched canvas with nothing but a frown and crossed arms. even little details feel wrong to add; the empty space is taunting me. it doesn't help that my thoughts have been flooded with memories and fantasies of Matthew. we've been on a couple dates now, sweet outings that leave me fluttery inside. I remember the words he says, the shape of his smile and the curve of his jaw, like they've been been in my mind forever. he's elusive, however, and hasn't initiated anything sexual with me. I think he's afraid of coming on too strong. there's a considerable age gap between us, but I don't care. I want him all the time-- whenever I'm at work, or trying to paint, all I can think of is how good it would feel to have those strong, veined hands on me.

christ.

before I can lose my courage, I text him. if anything can inspire me, it's his presence. likely, he's at work and won't be able to respond or come over, but it's worth a shot.

I'm just sliding my phone into my back pocket when the response comes in. a smile spreads over my face; he'll be over in half an hour. in the meantime, I'll sweep the background with shades that remind me of him: rich, emerald greens, honeyed tones that reminisce of his eyes. he'll pop against any backdrop.

I'm bent furiously over my work when he tells me he's arrived, and my heart thuds in my chest. even after hanging out several times, the butterflies are as alive as ever. they flood my stomach while I buzz him into the building.

"hi." he greets me when I open the door, curls messy. he must have just come from work.

"hi, Matthew." I smile up at him. his gaze travels over my face, my body, taking in my appearance for a moment.

"you look lovely." he says it genuinely, despite the fact that I'm literally wearing a paint t-shirt under a pair of rummaged overalls. I forgot to fix my hair, too.

"thanks." I blush, about to turn away when he bends down and presses a gentle kiss to my lips. it's the first time he's said hello that way, and part of me flushes with the knowledge that he's attracted to me right now.

"now," he looks around my apartment as I step back to let him in. "what can I help you with?"

"I have a small favor to ask." I spin the paintbrush between my index and third fingers, reaching out to take his wrist and pull him towards the couch.

"anything," he replies, then sees my setup. "is this your studio?"

"slash living room." I chuckle. Matthew sits on the soft cushions before staring up at me. I don't miss his pupils dilating as they travel over the shape of my body. instead of allowing myself get distracted, I gesture to the wet paint on my canvas. "I need you to model for me."

"like, be your muse?" he beams at the notion, incredibly pleased with himself. I like this about Matthew; although he can be self-deprecating and doesn't take himself too seriously, he appreciates my admiration.

"oh, hush." I giggle. he laughs, reclining on the couch now that he knows why I invited him over.

"how do you want me to pose, Picasso?"

"well, let me re-orient myself." I hold up a hand, grab the abandoned easel, and try to get everything set up. he never takes his eyes off me.

"why were you painting on the floor?" he asks, slightly amused. I jerk my head toward him, narrow my eyes.

"it's my process."

"no judgement." he holds up his hands in surrender. I place the canvas carefully on the easel so that he can't see my work, then gather up my paints, palette, and brushes. there's a moment of pure silence when I frown as I glance between his face and the chasm of space awaiting its representation.

"you look tired." I observe. he lets out a sound that resembles a laugh.

"I am."

"how long did you sleep last night?" I ask as I start painting, focusing on the shape and planes of his face. if I don't get the composition exactly correct, I'll have to throw the whole thing out.

"three hours." he says this like it's normal. my eyebrows shoot up.

"three hours? why?"

"I had to work on lines." he shrugs.

"don't move." I order. he suppresses a grin.

"my sincerest apologies."

"uh huh," I dip my brush into a pale skin shade that I've mixed to match his pigment. "you need to get more sleep."

we continue on like this for a while, making light conversation while I get down the basics of my portrait. I can't handle anything that requires more than a fraction of my attention while doing this, and he seems to appreciate my concentration.

that said, it's beyond difficult to focus when he stares at me like every movement is magical, something he wants to memorize. I feel pliable under his watch, a little bit like a doll. he could bend me every which way, ask me to do anything, and I would give in. and who could blame me?

my thoughts slip into darkened territories, and the hue of my cheeks must do the same, because he gets this mischievous smile on his face that I can't ignore.

"what are you thinking about?" he asks softly.

"hm?" I turn to him. "oh, nothing."

"really?" his brows lift in that intimidating, delightfully entertained way that sets my skin on fire.

"I..." I trail off, wondering if I should give into the chaos in my mind. the thoughts that slash through my psyche whenever I see the width of his shoulders, the fit of his shirt. "I should have asked you to pose nude."

Matthew blushes-- actually blushes-- when I say this, his head dropping momentarily as a grin takes over his features. when he lifts his gaze to mine again, there's a different look in his eyes.

"yeah?"

"mhmm." no taking it back now. "I think that would be too distracting, though."

"how so?" the corner of his mouth tugs up.

"you know why." I avert my attention, only once flitting back to him. his tongue darts out over his lips and he holds contact.

"say it." he dares me. the tone of it, slightly dominant, makes my stomach flip. quietly, I swallow the lump in my throat.

"I have trouble keeping my hands to myself."

we stare at each other, words finding and dying on tongues in the silence.

at this point, my painting has been somewhat abandoned. brushstrokes sit unaccompanied by actual structure, except for the general godly shape of his face, and I'm clenching the utensil between my fingers as if to channel the sexual tension elsewhere.

"is that right?" he notes my absolute stillness and stands up, walking toward me in a relaxed, confident gait. all I can do is look up at him when he stands before me. the top button of his shirt is undone, and I can see the smooth skin beneath, each of the other buttons awaiting my fingertips.

"yes." the word is messy. he runs his index finger over the shell of my ear, bends down, whispers so low that the phrase almost gets lost in the air.

"me too."

he plants a gentle kiss on my jaw, hand reaching tentatively to rest on my waist. I can feel the caution in his actions, the worry he has about pressuring me. I'm cognizant of every breath he takes, especially the hitch when I give into myself and kiss him.

his mouth is warm and soft. the tension twists and knots between our bodies, roiling in the empty space as we resist the energy still. but I don't want to resist. I know that I want this, and he seems to want it just as much.

"Matthew." I pull away, his teeth tugging gently on my bottom lip.

"what is it?" his eyes, dark, search mine. my pulse quickens beneath my skin.

"I want to be with you."

"you are with me." he chuckles lightly, glancing at my features. the full circles of my eyes, the bloom of pink spreading over my cheekbones.

"no," I shake my head. "I mean... I want to be with you."

"you want to have sex?" he asks, clarifying. I nod eagerly, though he frowns a bit. "are you sure?"

"do you not want to?" I try to keep the disappointment out of my face. maybe I misread the situation. the most we've done is make out on his couch and once in an Uber on the way back from our first date. but there's a sweet, burning sensation whenever I see him, something I want to dive into. I want him; I've wanted him since the moment we met.

"of course I want to," he says it like it's the most obvious thing in the world. relief loosens my chest. "I just don't want you to regret anything."

"I couldn't ever regret this." my eyes travel over his frame, over the little scar beneath his chin. he angles my face up to examine my features. there's a smirk on his face.

"then what are we waiting for?" his hands move to encircle my waist, tugging me to him like I'm something long-awaited, like he needs my weight against his. our lips meet again, my head tilting as we kiss deeply, my fingers twining in his soft hair. I'm standing on my tiptoes as I do it, and one of his hands reaches down to squeeze my ass. he grunts as my pelvis moves against the quickly-forming hard-on in his pants. I can feel it against my stomach as he ruts against me just slightly. I smirk.

"sit on the couch again." I whisper when I pull away. he's holding my face with one hand, staring into my eyes with the kind of dominance that tells me he knows exactly what to do. but I appreciate that he follows my request, pulling my hips toward him as he backs up and sinks onto the cushions. he sits, awaiting my next move. when I sink onto my knees and settle between his legs, he bites hard on his lip. I don't move at first, willing to draw out this beautiful moment when he's watching with undivided attention.

"what are you doing down there, sweetheart?" he feigns innocence when I give him my doe eyes. I run slender fingers over the erection in his pants, his quickened breath an indicator of just how needy he secretly is. I revel in it.

my free hand wraps around his upper thigh, digging my nails in slightly. he's so gorgeous, and the tension of his muscles beneath me is enough to break my resistance. I start to palm him through the fabric, torturing slowly while he runs fingers through my hair and tries not to buck up against my touch. I finally get around to undoing the button on his pants. he waits impatiently. I tug them down his legs, lingering on the waistband of his boxers. when they come down as well, another kind of knot forms in my tummy. he's perfect.

"oh my god." he throws his head back when his dick hits his stomach, the pleasure of releasing it its own sensation.

"hm?" I wonder aloud, wrapping my hand around the base and starting to slowly pump him. he raises his head to look at me.

"you're just... doing so well." he breathes. I grin at how easily I've got him; I was worried about being too shy or him being more experienced, but he's greedy for me. I love the power I have right now.

I surprise him by flattening my tongue against the underside of his cock, dragging it up over the throbbing vein and pausing at the top. I let him stare at me with my mouth hovering over him, the head resting on the tip of my tongue. he moans when I begin to kitten lick the precum that leaks out, grip tightening in my hair as it comes out of the ponytail I made earlier. the veins in his arm clench as I sink slowly onto him. my cheeks hollow. his jaw drops open, dewy skin catching the light, as I start to suck on him.

"fuck..." he trails off. I begin to bob up and down, doing tricks with my tongue and swirling around the head, savoring every single second. his desperate touch, the way he bucks his hips up involuntarily when I try to take him to the hilt, all of it causes me to moan. vibrations draw out sinful noises from him as well, those heavenly sounds that he litters with my name. my hands rest on his thighs at first, then move up to rest on the warm, taut skin of his abdomen. I crave every centimeter of his skin, his contact, especially when I can feel the rushed rise and fall of his panting. I give him full use of my throat, sliding over him and moaning with every tug of my hair. he mutters profanities, praises me, struggles to keep his eyes open just to see me peek up at him from beneath my lashes. his expression tells me he's got plans for me.

"if you don't stop, I'm gonna cum, baby." he groans, smoothly tugging me off of him. there's a slight popping sound and I settle onto my knees, staring up at him. the smile on my face is unmistakable. I love that I can do this to him. I grip his legs and pull myself up into his lap, drawing myself across him just before his erection, glancing down at it. his hands rub over the tops of my thighs, tracing over the curve of my hips and resting on my ass. I start to roll my body down, my lips finding his throat as I suck and bite. my tongue licks over his Adam's apple and he shudders, drawing me closer so that my stomach brushes his cock.

"stop teasing." he starts to undo the straps of my overalls, chuckling a bit to himself as they fall easily. I blush.

"pretty sexy." I joke. Matthew suddenly grabs my chin, holds me in place so that I look him dead in the eyes.

"you're perfect." he smiles admiringly, then toys with the hem of my t-shirt. I reach down, pull it off and toss it somewhere in the room. I'm not wearing a bra, and Matthew slides his hands up my waist, ribcage, pausing just below my tits. when I grab his fingers and place them over me, his dick twitches.

"excited?" I smirk. his fingertips seem to have a mind of their own as they begin to toy with my nipples, the pad of his thumbs teasing me. I sigh, chest pushing out towards him desperately. he holds my body like he's worried I'll crumble, but also in a way that connotes a deep longing. something spilling over.

"can I take you to the bedroom?" he asks me breathlessly, one of his hands leaving my chest to stroke his own cock. the sight makes me groan helplessly while I grip his shoulders and grind against his lap. he picks up the pace for himself. "I can't wait any longer."

I nod eagerly, gasping when he stops touching himself to pull up his pants, hoist me up into his arms, and stand, carrying me with surprising ease down the hallway of my apartment. I point him to the correct room and he laughs when we get inside.

"you're messy." he laughs, although I'm not sure if he means the scattered papers around my bedroom or the whine that issues from my throat as I reach for his clothed dick while I'm pressed to him. it's sitting against my navel and I want to see his undone expressions.

I ignore the playful comment; he lays me down gingerly on the bed, straightening up to gaze at my figure before I push the rest of the overalls down my legs and cast them off. he lets out a giggle as I pout at the work I have to put into getting naked.

"stop laughing..." I blush, smiling. but I'm giggling too. he grazes the inside of my thigh, unable to keep from touching me while I discard my panties.

"I'm sorry." he laughs in a way that shows he isn't sorry at all, but the soft kiss he plants on my lips tells me it's all endearing to him. I wrinkle my nose slightly. for the first time being naked around him, I feel surprisingly comfortable. he watches me with a quiet adoration, like I've spun sugar and gold between my fingers. unable to contain myself anymore, I grab fistfuls of his shirt and undo the rest of the buttons. every second that his skin isn't against mine is a new kind of torture. it comes off easily and then the pants come off, too, until we're just staring at each other.

"do you still wanna do this?" he speaks carefully with me. I don't know where to look-- at his perfect chest, stomach, the purplish bruises already forming across his throat, or his enraptured face. it's almost overwhelming, and the waves of desire crash over me, hindering my words.

"yes," I nod. "yes, yes, yes." the word keeps falling from my lips even as he crawls on top of me, burying his nose into my collarbone and kissing feverishly. one hand supports his arm beside my head while the other reaches down to part my legs. I sigh at the cool air that's interrupted by his dick rubbing over my folds. he starts to grind down, drawing out every second of foreplay while I try to catch my breath. my eyes tilt to the ceiling, fluttering shut. I bask in every sensation. his warmth, his weight, all of it presses down.

"do we need a condom?" he asks softly, his cock throbbing against my center.

"birth control." I shake my head. he nods against my skin, allows me to tangle my fingers in his curls. "I'm clean."

"me too." I reply. he grabs my hip and yanks it towards him, pulling his chest away to straighten while he lines himself up at my entrance. he's concentrating on the place where our bodies meet, eyes full of lust when they peek up at mine.

"tell me if you need me to stop." he says softly.

"okay." I can't think of anything else. every cell of my existence is consumed with thoughts of impatience, and when he slides into me, my thighs tense and my mouth drops open.

"Matthew... oh my god." my voice is more like a mewl, in shock as my walls squeeze around him like they're trying to reject the sudden pressure between my legs. his jaw clenches, sinking into me until he reaches about halfway.

he lets out a surprising groan, leans down to kiss my shoulder as he finds a sweet spot. our chests are pressed together and, judging by the way he wraps an arm around my waist and lifts my torso to his, he likes the feeling.

we stay there a moment, him trying not to hurt me. but then I lift my pelvis up, trying to take more, and he inhales sharply.

"do something," I beg him quietly. "please."

I feel his lips curl into a smile and he pulls his face up to see my expressions. his hips push forward, my body sliding up the bed with the force. he watches my eyes roll back, my ribcage expand, my face overcome by pleasure. his gaze is unrelenting with lips slightly parted as he begins to thrust in and out of me.

I'm already a panting, moaning mess beneath him. he touches his nose to mine, swallowing each other's breaths while he moves.

"is this how you want it, baby?" he smirks, getting lost in his own lust. I nod and he gently turns my face to his. "tell me what you want."

"more." I sigh, hips again raising to meet the thrusts that are growing more forceful each time. my nails drag up his back, the nape of his neck, tangling in his hair and tugging at the ends. he sinks his teeth into my neck lightly and moans. I wrap my legs around his torso.

"such a pretty girl..." he growls in my ear. his grip on the sheets tightens when I clench myself around him, drawing him impossibly closer to my core. I can't help the helpless moans spilling out of me. I'm insatiable right now, scratching at his shoulders until I'm sure I'll leave red marks. he groans lasciviously at the clawing, ramming into me with an unrelenting voracity.

"oh my god," I yelp, back arching as he hits my g-spot. "right there, Matthew." my pleas fall on receptive ears: he holds me tighter to his chest and pounds into me.

"you like getting fucked by older men?" he whispers dirty things in my ear and I nod quickly, hardly able to speak through the ungodly sounds escaping my mouth. I cling to him and he lets me, treating every limb like it belongs to him.

"yes-- fuck, yes." I moan, almost sliding out of his grip from how hard he goes.

"you can take it," he breathes out, fingertips digging into my ribs while he holds me up. he's leaving marks that won't go away for a while, remnants of the full power of his desire. I want more, writhing and using my limited mobility to grind against him. he chuckles darkly over my skin. "look at you."

"Matthew, I'm gonna--" I gasp when he slams into me particularly hard. "I'm gonna cum."

"good." he shudders slightly, that attitude showing again. he reaches his hand up a moment to run through my hair. "cum on me, princess."

my lips part and I try to gulp down air, but it's impossible with the way he's holding my attention. the thing about Matthew is that he's so sweet and gentle that whenever he looks at me like I'm a plaything, it shocks my insides. they turn to jelly, eager to please and quick to satisfy. he switches so easily with me, and he doesn't even need to request my submission. I give it more than willingly.

"fuck me..." I pant out, feeling my pussy start to clench over and over around him. my orgasm fuzzies the edges of my vision, creeping up my spine until it's arched. "oh fuck-- Matthew!" I practically scream while my frame gives out. I'm shuddering, crying out at the absolute euphoria wracking my body.

"scream my name, baby." he groans, his own orgasms approaching quickly. the fluttering of my cunt around him is causing the vein in his forehead to throb. he rocks into me, the headboard knocking into the wall while he nears the edge. "such a good girl for me."

I nod and meet his thrusts with my hips while I ride out my orgasm, inadvertently finding myself wound up again. the pleasure of his fingers when they reach between our bodies to rub my clit causes me to buck into him, whining mercifully while he gets me off again.

"oh--" he sucks in a breath when I squeeze, keeping him here with me. "you feel so good."

he starts to lose control, hips juddering to get as deep as he can get.

"can I fill you up, baby?"

"yes." I reply immediately. he smiles a little, lifting me up more so that he can hold me under my ass while he pounds into me so deeply, I can feel his dick brushing my cervix.

"oh my god," he moans, the sound desperate as I feel him twitch and spill inside of me. he keeps pushing as though to keep his cum within me, panting over my skin. "such a tight little cunt."

the circles on my clit, combined with the sinful things he continues to say, cause me to whimper and climax all over again. I moan his name, absorbed in the warmth of his seed in my stomach.

"you want more?" he slows his thrusts but pleasures me through my orgasm while I nod helplessly.

"I'll cum in you again tonight." he promises, taking my shaking, weak form as a sign to withdraw. both of us wince at the sensitivity until he lays me back down on the bed so gently, it makes me question if what we just did was real.

neither of us speaks for a moment, trying to regain our composure as he rolls down onto the mattress beside me. I stare up at the ceiling, feeling him drip between my thighs.

"that was..." he turns his head to gauge my reaction. I don't even bother to hide the satisfied grin on my face.

"amazing."

"yeah?" he rolls over onto his side and places one large hand on my stomach. his touch makes me bloom.

"mhmm." I hum. his face is covered in a thin sheen of sweat, a beautiful sight that makes me want to kiss him all over again. I didn't know it was possible to feel this way for someone so quickly.

"can I get you anything?" he smiles. I don't say anything at first, only reach out to cup his face in my hands and pull him to me for a chaste peck.

"no, thank you." I rub my nose with his. "I'm gonna take a shower and make something to eat if you want to join me."

"definitely." he examines my features once more as if to assess damage. but there's only pure joy painted across my face. "are you sure I didn't go too hard on you?"

"you can go harder tonight." I tease.

"what about your painting?" he suddenly recalls the project lying in the living room.

"rain check." I shrug. he laughs, wraps an arm around my waist.

"alright, then."

#matthew gray gubler #mgg #criminal minds #smut #mgg smut #one shot #first time #artist #spencer reid

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words-writ-in-starlight · 4 years

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where's the essay op

Okay so bayonets. I don't know why I ever pretend that I want to talk about anything but military history and battlefield medicine. I checked all my sources in the waiting room of a doctor's office so you're just going to have to trust me because they are Gone. I’m pretty sure this can all be found on a few Wiki dives, though.

First of all, to recap, let me clarify a common misconception. The triangular bayonet was NOT outlawed in the 1949 Geneva Convention, nor any future revisions—as it was originally a musket weapon, it was fading out of use by World War II and the subsequent Convention. However, you'll notice that I opted to use to word "violates" rather than "were banned by," which is a fine semantical hair to split and, I suppose, debatable. Most bayonets were not explicitly banned in the GC, in that there is not an article in the GC saying you can't use them. However there IS an article in the GC, adopted from the earlier 1899 Hague Regulations, stating that it is prohibited to "employ weapons...of a nature to cause superfluous injury or unnecessary suffering" (originally part of Article 23 of the HR, now Article 35 of the GC, expanded in 1977). Personally, as someone who knows a lot about how a lot of weapons impact the human body, I think that is a more expansive statement than most people would expect, and should be treated accordingly. Regrettably I do not work for the UN.

Point is, triangular blades specifically are known to cause wounds that are difficult to heal, highly prone to infection, and extremely likely to never fully recover, while also having a relatively low mortality rate. This is because the axes of a triangular wound, which is shaped sort of like a Y, make it very hard to stitch closed, and very easy for any "twisting" of the blade to create a large hole with ragged edges that's functionally impossible to stitch closed. As an added bonus, because of the way scar tissue forms, it's possible for one "line" of a triangular wound to pull open other parts of the puncture while the scar tissue forms and pulls on the skin. Even by standards in the 1700s, triangular bayonet wounds were phenomenally likely to infect and consistently difficult to repair, and modern medicine has made only limited improvements on that situation. As such, cases have been made that certain types of bayonet/triangular blades in general are therefore in violation of this article, despite not being explicitly banned.

(Side note: yes, the American military violates the GC on the regular. The American police violate the GC. I am excruciatingly aware. The GC is interesting reading generally, but especially if you're an American and you ever feel like being appalled for a few hours.)

Anyway, with that covered again, let's actually talk about the development of triangular bayonets, which might've been out of use by the time of the GC but DEFINITELY violated that article in a big way for a good two centuries prior and are also a fascinating insight into the fact that humanity, as a whole, is really determined to do things in the dumbest way possible.

The first thing you have to understand about bayonets is that they were originally invented as a way to integrate pikes with guns, not knives or even swords. When arquebuses and muskets were first invented, you were lucky to get a rate of fire around one round per minute, and you still had to protect your army while they were reloading their clunky black powder guns. Therefore, most infantries between like...the invention of the gun and the late 1600s were comprised of soldiers equipped with muskets, and also soldiers equipped with pikes (a type of spear). The idea of a bayonet was "what if we put a pike and a musket TOGETHER and then we could give everyone THAT and have way more guns in our army because we don't need pikemen anymore." Which makes sense when you think about it.

What makes less sense is that the initial effort at bayonets was something called a plug bayonet. You'll never fucking guess what these geniuses (first record is Chinese infantry around-abouts 1600, popular use of plug bayonets recorded in Europe around the 1630s) figured out for their first try at a bayonet. Here's a hint! There's not a lot of places on a gun where you can "plug in" a sword.

Obviously plug bayonets did not exactly catch on as a fantastic solution, because these guns were either a gun OR a short spear and neither was especially good at their jobs. A bunch of battles hinged on this problem. Which brings us to the end of the 1600s, when English forces in Scotland got absolutely obliterated by a bunch of Highlanders in 1689 because the English were so busy trying to fix their bayonets that the Highlanders literally just charged them, fired one volley, and cut them down with swords and axes. The English took that one very personally (which, you know what, fair, it was a humiliating defeat, especially since the Highlanders had been using that tactic very successfully for a while) and started developing better bayonets.

This is where we get to socket bayonets, AKA what you would probably recognize as a bayonet from a period TV series or a museum. Socket bayonets have a metal sleeve that gets attached around the barrel of a gun (in this case a musket), so that you can still theoretically use the damn gun while it's attached. There were problems with the development of socket bayonets (notably, it took a while to figure out how to keep them from falling off the gun during battle), but overall they worked much better and armies started getting rid of pikemen. This was also when bayonets were shortened to a little over a foot, which isn't really important but made them much easier to maneuver. Socket bayonets were the European order of the day by the early 1700s, and mostly came in three flavors: single edge (like a knife), double edge (like a sword), and spike (like a...spike). There were pros and cons to all of these (single edge wasn't great for stabbing, spike was ONLY good for stabbing, and double edge was kind of okay at stabbing and kind of okay at slashing), but most importantly, both single and double edged bayonets were fragile. The heads of polearms were shaped on patterns other than "sword on a stick" for a reason, and it's because "sword on a stick" is not very sturdy.

Triangular bayonets were the solution to this problem. Triangular bayonets are basically a single piece of metal creased long-ways, with both edges sharpened and the top fluted to form a third edge at the crease. This makes a much more resilient weapon than a flat blade, because a twisting motion doesn’t risk snapping the blade in the middle. It also means that now you have three edges, and human nature is to figure “more knife better.”

And don’t get me wrong, as a weapon of war, the triangular bayonet was a great one. It was introduced in the 1710s and then got used regularly to maim and terrify through the start of the 1900s. In fact, the triangular bayonet worked so well that it only began to get phased out of use when the style of war itself started to change dramatically during the World Wars. When warfare was focused on pitched battle (your old school “two armies enter, one army leaves” kind of warfare), the emphasis of a bayonet was on extending the reach of a gun. A bayonet lets a soldier have a weapon for closer range combat, where a gun—especially a long gun like a musket—is not as effective. So when you had two armies on the field and a bayonet was first and foremost a way to keep the enemy at least gun-length away, longer bayonets were better.

But World War I was the advent of trench warfare, which was a terrible idea and also meant that a long weapon, like a gun with an extra foot and a half of sword on top, was much, MUCH harder to work with. Either fighting took place in no man’s land, where you probably weren’t going to get close enough to use a bayonet anyway, or in a trench, where a weapon as long as you were tall was just impossible to work with.

(If you know anything about WWI, you’re probably asking me about bayonet charges right now, specifically the concept of “going over the top.” Contrary to every media representation of WWI ever, “going over the top” of a trench faded out of use pretty quickly. It was a type of bayonet charge where the soldiers in ONE trench fixed their bayonets and tried to charge no man’s land in an effort to reach the OTHER trench, but it was basically never effective because no man’s land was often heavily trapped and strafed with gunfire and mortar shells. Also, it was the kind of battle tactic that military history books talk about with phrases like “total annihilation of whole attacking battalions,” so that’s the kind of mortality rate we’re talking about here. The Battle of the Somme featured a good number of bayonet charges by the British, for context, so people learned and started using other tactics.)

So, since bayonets were only useful in trenches, suddenly everyone was scrambling to shorten bayonets and guns so that their soldiers could get ANYTHING DONE. And THEN soldiers started admitting that they were literally taking their bayonets off their guns and using them as knives instead, because for trench fighting that was way more useful, and so everyone just decided fuck it, let’s just make bayonet-knives, which is why WWI weapons with bayonets usually look, very literally, like someone duct taped a short knife to the front of a gun. This was the start of the decline of the triangular bayonet, a full two hundred years after it hit the battlefield, which is a frankly spectacular run for any weapon since the invention of the gun. Triangular bayonets held on, here and there, through part of WWII, but they were almost entirely gone by the time of the Geneva Convention being ratified in 1949. However, spike or knife bayonets are still issued to many armies as a weapon of last resort to this day, although they aren’t often used in actual attacks. Now we have bigger, worse weapons for actual attacks.

TL;DR, the development of bayonets went like this:

“What if we put a pike ON a gun? …oh wait, you still want to use the gun? Sucks to be you, I guess.”

“What if we put a sword on the gun instead? Then we could put it somewhere where we can still use the gun! Good luck keeping it on there, though.”

“What if we actually made something designed to get put on a gun and stab people effectively? Like, what if we designed something with that purpose in mind? Perhaps?” SMASH CUT TWO CENTURIES

“Well if you’re just gonna take your bayonet off and stab someone with it anyway, can we just go back to giving you knives, then?”

And now you’re caught up on all the dubiously successful ways we’ve tried to mutilate people with a knife-gun.

#military history #medical history #sort of...?#bayonets #honestly i have no idea what this would be classified as. i just had a really good time reading about bayonets in a waiting room.#Y'ALL WANTED TO KNOW SO HERE IS MY ESSAY #IT IS VERY LONG YOU BROUGHT THIS ON YOURSELVES I'M NOT SORRY #incidentally i HATE the fact that plug bayonets were a thing. what a terrible solution to a problem. what the hell.#'we went to all this trouble to make a gun that won't blow us up (much) so now we're gonna put a knife in the end'#i would love to talk to the guy who came up with that and ask politely what the hell decided them on this #as opposed to SAY FOR EXAMPLE A SOCKET BAYONET #WHICH IS NOT THAT MUCH MORE ADVANCED A CONCEPT #it does bear mentioning that bayonets weren't often major killers in war!#...because you were much more likely to be maimed and/or die later of infection than die outright on the field from a bayonet wound #so take from that what you will #a queue we will keep and our honor someday avenge #anonymous #asked and answered

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dreamsclock · 3 years

Text

i’m going to speak about it here for now because i feel more comfortable here than i ever could on twitter, but as a trans person, it makes me really annoyed and frustrated to see people on twitter asking cc!fundy to apologise + retcon giving c!fundy a deadname/making him trans.

under the cut for length + in case you want to avoid !! this was something that really made me uncomfortable on twitter last night, so wanted to share my thoughts. feel free to ignore or to talk about this if you have thoughts, whether you’re cis or trans (+ don’t feel you need to clarify in the ask / reblog either sksnfjshsl i know sometimes people feel obliged to so you don’t have to) !!

tw: transphobia, negativity (if there’s anything else that needs tagged pls let me know !)

firstly it completely delegitimises things that actually need to be apologised for ?? not only that but the idea that he can’t play a trans character just because he’s cis sits weird for me. i’d understand if his character’s arcs + whole story was about being trans - i’d understand why that might be weird or disingenuous considering he’s cis + wouldn’t understand trans struggles properly - but having him mention a deadname ?? having him put a little extra emphasis on being a man ?? just enough for audiences to understand that he’s trans ?? that’s genuinely something that makes me happy, and not something i think needs to be a big deal.

i could be here all day talking about how frustrating the lack of lgbtq+ ccs and fictional media characters is, because it’s something i’m passionate about and something i feel ties into this hugely. but at the same time we need to look at things critically for a minute - cc!fundy isn’t doing anything hurtful or harmful to the community by making being trans part of his character. if anything, he’s bringing a shred of representation - even if he himself is cis - to a community (gaming) KNOWN for being queer- and transphobic. if he starts going wrong with his character, then sure, by all means, we can tag him in threads or message him to say “hey, you know, this doesn’t work like that, you’re portraying this in a way that’s wrong for trans people, maybe try this”, but by forcing him to apologise for or address making his character trans is weird imo.

a lot of ccs are already so weird over how they treat minorities - and, just in general, being a minority can be alienating and lonely, with hardly any media rep whatsoever. having a trans character in the smp, even if we don’t have any trans ccs, is a step in what i think is the right direction - and if you don’t feel the same way as a trans person, that’s totally understandable and i’m not trying to invalidate that. what i AM trying to invalidate is going to cc!fundy and wanting him to apologise and retcon something that, if c!fundy being trans makes you uncomfortable, could be interpreted instead as just being an embarrassing middle name.

yes, cc!fundy isn’t trans, yes, he might screw up c!fundy’s trans experience - but let’s not jump the gun ! all the ccs so far have been insanely good at doign research into topics they might not have had experience in: think of c!tommy in exile arc, c!dream in prison, c!fundy, now, mentioning a deadname on a lgal form he doesn’t want brought up, which to me as a trans person is insanely relatable. let’s give him a chance to try first :))

#> my posts !!#> my rants !!#tw transphobia #tw negativity

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vvanite · 3 years

Note

Hi sorry to bother you but I saw your post about the TAZ GN earlier. What were the reactions to the Lucas Miller reveal? I cannot find any (negative) reactions at all about that here. Just some people saying "oh there he is" and that gets overshadowed by everyone losing their shit about Kravitz.

Thank you and have a great day

Hey there no worries! and i dont blame you for not finding much info, any discussion of this happened months ago so it probably got washed out. if anything, this gives me a chance to collectively create an archive of the Lucas situation :)

So the way we got to see Lucas's full design was through sneak peek releases of the Crystal kingdom gn a while ago. (also! it's important to point out that his design was shown in earlier novels but with crystal kingdom, it was when we had an official reveal) Of course, there were people who were nonchalant about him, but the ones I want to address are those who disliked it and those who were ehh liking him too much. (I'll explain more later on that)

So, a lot of people who disliked the design shared similar thoughts that Lucas shouldn't have been a person of color and that he should have been white.

It is for a number of reasons,

1. In the podcast, he owned SLAVES. enslaved bugbears to be exact. (Let's be honest that whole plot point in the podcast is bad that no one talks about enough) We don't know exactly why the creative team decided to make him a poc but one could say it was to lessen the blow of the bugbear plotline and how bad it was concept-wise. A person's race doesn't lessen or change the horrible shit a character did. Lucas is already an oppressor and him being brown does not lessen it like the creative team intended. It's just peak racial color-blindness. (The black cop trope is one I would compare this situation to.)

2. From a design standpoint, he didn't fit the vision people had with him being a nerdy white dude when listening to the campaign. And then when he was revealed, a lot of folks thought he looked ambiguously brown or being Desi since he has facial features related to that. I feel that I don't have the confidence to say if he is Desi but if we were to say that he is, that contributes to a stereotype of indian people of the annoying nerd archetype just like Lucas in the podcast.

3. It is not good representation at all. It really looked like the creative team was trying to fill a POC quota, instead of thinking critically of their design choices. Yes, characters of people should have the chance to be antagonists but they should also play other roles, especially protagonist roles. And it does NOT look good if you take a step back and realize the conflict consists of 2 white and 1 racially ambiguous (merle) heroes fighting against a person of color. Even if the bugbear slave plotline is changed or removed, that last point still stands.

NOW. we got the people who did like the design and their thirst over the design is just gross. Lucas being drawn as a conventionally attractive man makes him into this sexy evil brown man trope. People are forgetting they are thirsting over A SLAVE OWNER. and it seems like people just brush over the concerns of fans of color just because he looks hot. ugh

Just to clarify, I speak as an individual fan of color and most of these concerns are from discussions I've seen from other fans of color. These concerns are pretty summarized so I'll link perspectives from other poc from that time which has more depth. personally, I would ask you to not bring up this topic to them again when they have ALREADY explained their perspective to the public but if you want to... please be mindful if you bother them about this because I'm sure they are pretty tired from this UNLESS they first initiate a future discussion of this when the gns are released.

(For mcnuggyy, I just linked their general taz racism tag but if you want a narrow search, just search up lucas)

https://mcnuggyy.tumblr.com/tagged/taz+racism

https://herbgerblin.tumblr.com/post/631703276137611264/continued

Now this would be the point where I link a Paypal or venmo for you to pay for my time collecting information and educating you but I don't have one set up so just reblog my art as payment ty :>

#taz gn #taz #i was supposed to draw this night :p #dang

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werevulvi · 3 years

Text

You know how often I ask myself, why can't I just be normal? It's quite a lot. I wanna talk about something I've never told anyone before, aside from a few strangers online. I've suppressed this my whole life, since childhood. I've acted with anger towards others with the same thing as me, told them how it's offensive and awful. Refused to allow myself to even think about my own urges and desires. It worked for a long time, until I wrote my book this summer, a fiction story about a couple who end up disabled from their dangerous work as assassins. My intentions were just... to try to give good representation and explore something I knew very little about.

So I did a lot of research into my characters' disabilities, and even briefly pretended to have those specific disabilities at home alone, just to get an idea of what it's like to manage daily life with them. It was just a writer's thing, just being a dedicated writer, I told myself, as I researched those disabilities far more in-depth than I did about assassins...

At one point, I would cover my eye with a makeshift eye patch, as one of my main character's loses an eye, and I... it brought forth what I had suppressed my whole life, and I can't suppress it anymore as a result of that. The bottled feelings have escaped and I can't put them back in again.

I think I have Body Integrity Identity Disorder (BIID.) There, I said it.

It's a very rare mental illness that makes you want to become disabled, usually in some very specific way. Most are males, and most desire amputation, but it can pertain to wanting blindness, deafness, or I guess, any conceivable disability. There's only been a few thousand reported cases, but it's also said to be a very secret disorder, so numbers are probably not accurate. It's very poorly researched, poorly understood, and still not recognized as an actual disorder. So you can't be diagnosed with it currently, and there are no set criteria for it. However, it will be in the upcoming ICD-11 (the International Classification of Diseases.) It will then also be re-named to Body Integrity Dysphoria (BID) as it's being recognized as a form of dysphoria, and as a neurological condition.

And now for the obligatory life story:

I don't remember when it started, but as a child, I'd say roughly age 5 or 7, I was obsessed with fictional characters that had a distinct scar over one eye, and either blind in that eye or entirely missing it. I would on occasion play around with a hand covering one eye, and wished I could have that for real. For a long time, I didn't know why I was so obsessed with that. If I was just admiring that kinda physical feature, or wanted it myself, or both. Throughout my teens and adulthood thus far, I've made a lot of drawings of people with only one eye, and scarred faces. I wrote another book back in 2013 with one of the main characters being a woman with a large scar across half her face. I've always been a little too fascinated with facial deformities, having only one eye, and facial assymmetry. And I've tried to express it with assymmetrical makeup looks (not made to look like I'm injured) throughout my teens and 20's.

So it's been with me for a very long time, even though I've tried super hard to suppress it, and tried to tell myself that I should just be happy to have a mostly abled body. But that wish/urge/whatever it is, has never gone away.

When I first heard of BIID, back in 2016 or so, I was angry, and thought of people with it as despicable. I was in deep denial of how much I could relate to them. Didn't want to think of that. But since learning more about the condition, and listening to others who have it, and learning it is actually a real condition... I guess that has helped me eventually come to this point that, well fuck... it me.

Up until recently, I thought it was just a self-harm desire, as I used to be a cutter, but now I understand that the self-harm was not the intention behind what I want with that, but merely the means to achieve it. Kinda like how I wanted to cut my own tits off before I had my double mastectomy. It wasn't about specifically wanting to injure my chest, but to not have tits anymore, and I much preferred the much safer way of doing it, through proper surgery. However, wanting half my face re-arranged is a little bit harder to achieve through elective surgery, even if surgeons were allowed to treat BIID through surgery. So I do not think my desire to get rid of my left eye and surrounding tissues is about wanting to harm myself. It's about wanting to have and live with the result of such an injury. Although I get that might be very unimaginable.

So then, have I ever made any attempts?

Yeah... I have. Once, I think it was when I was 22, I took a blade to my face, but chickened out, and ended up only making a very superficial cut on my cheek, which I was then extremely ashamed of. I didn't want for people to find out I had made it myself. Since then, I've stopped self-harming and have no desire to make a second attempt. I'm scared I'd fuck it up and cause damage I don't want, or... not enough damage. And I'm worried I'd be beyond myself with shame if I would take out my own eye and then other people would show sympathy for my injury, knowing I'd have caused it myself. I just kinda wish it would happen accidentally somehow.

So, to clarify, my BIID targets my left eye and left side of my face. Why left? Honestly because I'm deaf since birth on my left ear, so it would be extremely inconvenient to be deaf on one side and blind on the other. Much more manageable to have one side be blind-deaf and the other fully seeing and hearing. But at first it didn't matter to me so much which side of my face would be affected. I have no desire to become an amputee or fully blind. I also don't have a fetish for disabled people.

Would I date a disabled person?

Yes, but that's because some attractive people just so happen to be disabled, and I wouldn't think I'm particularly judgemental, not that I find their disabilities in and of themselves attractive.

I try to quell this desire, to lose an eye and half my face, by on occasion wearing an eye patch in secrecy. I know it can worsen my vision, but why on Earth would I mind that? It's kinda what I want. But my mom almost caught me wearing it today as she came by for a quick visit, and I have worn it at the grocery store, and out and about in my village. It feels so damn right, yet so fucking wrong...

Let's tackle this question as well: Do I feel like an ass towards disabled people?

Yes and no. Thing is, I'm already disabled myself. I'm not an abled person to begin with. I live on permanent sickness compensation, classified unable to work, for life, with little to no chance at improvement, due to my autism and adhd. I have the energy levels of an old cellphone that drops to 2% battery ten minutes after being fully charged every time. And I hate it. I hate that there's so much in life that I'll probably never be able to do. So disability, is already part of my life, and always has been. So why then would I want to become more disabled, instead of less? Well, yeah that is what I want...

I've faced a shit ton of ableism since childhood, and I actually think that's why I got BIID. Because my actual disability is invisible and not taken seriously in society. And I think that's what I deep down want: to just have my disability be visible and taken seriously. Physical disabilities are taken more seriously. I've even heard that straight from the mouths of people who have both mental and physical disabilities. How often have I not been called lazy for something I've been literally unable to do, just because I "look" capable? How often do I get to hear I "don't seem autistic?" How often do I get told that autism is not even a disability, but merely a personality trait and being socially awkward? How often do I get told I would be able to work if I just tried harder? All. The. Fucking. Time.

I think that's why, ever since I was a child, I've wanted to have a physical disability, which is fully visible, and cannot be ignored. And what's more visible than the face? We interact with it the most. Because I don't really want to be less capable or lose a lot of movement, I just want for my already disabled existence to be visibly disabled.

So that's a big reason for why I think I have BIID. Which is to say, I don't feel like I'm being an ass towards disabled people, because I'm already disabled to begin with, merely wishing I was more disabled and in a more visible way. Had I been abled to begin with, I think that would have been different, but even abled people with BIID don't choose to have this condition. I read a quote from a person with BIID, who got the amputation he wanted, and he said basically that he didn't know what's worse, having BIID or being disabled. I can relate to that. And I think that is the irony here, that simply having BIID is like being disabled in and of itself already.

That said, however, I do understand why disabled people would be greatly offended, angry, or otherwise insulted, by people with BIID. Honestly I cannot understand why they would not be. I'm greatly offended by people who say they wish they were autistic! And I'm offended at myself for wishing I had a facial deformity and only one eye. Why do I want this!? I keep trying to shake sense into myself. It's what's causing my shame and wishing I could just be normal. No disabilities, and no wish for disabilities I don't have. That'd be great.

There is one more aspect I also feel the need to tackle: Transabled.

BIID has recently been rather often labeled as "transabled" in the same vein as "transracial" (wanting to be another race) and transgender. As a transsexual, this comparison is of course something that I have not missed. I'm painfully aware. This is how I see it, alright: Although I do feel like my body integrity dysphoria is incredibly similar to my sex dysphoria, I feel like it would be extremely rude and tone deaf to identify as for example vision impaired, deaf or an amputee, without actually having those disabilities. And I do not know if anyone actually does this. As far as I've seen, some people with BIID may pretend to have the disability they want (like with me walking around with an eye patch despite having no medical need for it) but they don't lie about it, or they try hard to avoid ending up in a situation where they'd feel pressured to lie. So I dunno how much validity there even is in anyone with BIID genuinely identifying as transabled. But regardless of that, I think it's absolutely abhorrent to identify as disabled in ways you are not. And I'd never tell anyone that I'm missing an eye when I do not.

So, I really do not like the term "transabled" and much prefer the BIID and BID terms. I do not like BIID being conflated with being transgender, although I want to very carefully say that the two conditions are so incredibly similar, that... I think that's another big reason I ended up with both. That I've always felt a strong disconnect from my body, which has merely expressed itself in a wide array of ways, ranging from sex dysphoria to body integrity dysphoria, dissociation and even having previously identified as otherkin. I don't think that's a coincidence at all. But then what caused all of that? I don't think there is a simple answer, but a multitude of reasons, and it may even connect with my autism as well as my trauma.

So, I'd say most likely it's caused by a cocktail of neurological and social issues. I was just clearly meant to be a broken person, making the most of my life with the sucky cards I was dealt, and on good days... I guess I'm kinda okay with that. At least it's not boring. Let's end on that not super tragic note. Feel free to ask me anything, if you’ve got any questions.

#biid #body integrity dysphoria #body integrity identity disorder #finally accepting i probably have this #im not happy about it but it is what it is i guess #ok to rb #transabled #im only adding that tag bcos i know many dont know what the condition is actually called

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sleepingcrisis · 3 years

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Sk8 The Infinity: Thoughts

I- like many- have finished Sk8 and have a lot of thoughts about the show. I was going to make this three parts but opted for just one. This is split into three sections though:

Adam’s “Redemption”

Character Relationships

Overall thoughts

Adam’s “Redemption”:

Okay let’s not get it twisted, Adam wasn’t really redeemed. At least I don’t think he was. When I initially pictured a redemption I pictured an ending where he got along with Cherry and Joe and the three were skating together again or something. That would be super badass for a shot- but it wouldn’t work and would have ruined any tension between the three in my opinion. So in the eyes of our main six Adam isn’t redeemed which is nice. If anyone wants to argue that he is then… sure? You can do that- I don’t really care though because it is quite clear that he isn’t redeemed in their eyes.

This doesn’t mean I like what they did with Adam’s character though. First of all, he was never going to jail. They set that up to build suspense but it was never really going anywhere which I hated. Despite him not getting redeemed in the eyes of our main six, he still didn’t face any consequences for what he did. I understand that him going to jail would not have been him facing consequences for his actions at S, because they weren’t related, but he got off. In the eyes of the viewer him going to jail would have been consequences for everything he did at S even if that wasn’t why he would have been goin to jail it still was supposed to serve as consequences. Instead he faces no consequences for what he did. He was never going to jail either which is what really pissed me off. The writers of the show made it so that the threat of him going to jail was sorta a red herring. It was something that was under developed and that a lot of viewers really cared about, but if you went to the bathroom during the episode you might not have even known about this subplot at all. The least the show could have done was make this a genuine threat and not something that was just used to build suspense- and it wasn’t even done well.

I get not wanting to send Adam to jail though, I really do. He is a central character who a lot of people really like (even I really like Adam as a villain- I think he makes a really effective villain and his character is explored decently well). Perhaps sending him to jail would have been an ending to his character that was too clear cut. The ending they did decide felt too good for him though. In my opinion he hadn’t earned it. While I’m not entirely sure if I wanted him to go to jail, I think that he should have faced more consequences for how he behaved. Again I think if anything the end of the show paved the way for him to have a larger character arc.

Character relationships:

Oh what probably everyone is here for: the topic of queerbaiting.

If you are reading this in hopes that I support the idea that this show was queerbaiting then you won’t find that here. I don’t think the show was queerbaiting in the slightest. I think that it is incredibly obvious that Cherry, Langa, Adam, and Tadashi are all queercoded as gay characters. Every other character is up for interpretation, yes Reki and Joe are included even if I personally headcanon them both as bi.

The show presents some beautiful friendships and handles them in a way that I love. Reki’s breakdown and self doubt feels realistic and how he and Langa reconnect was handled well and I think the pacing was good too. Langa and Reki contrast one another really well and obviously the same applies to Joe and Cherry. I have said it before but a spin off show with Joe and Cherry as central characters would be *chef’s kiss*.

Had these two pairings been explicitly flirting with one another then yeah we would have been queerbaited. Does that mean you can’t interpret romantic undertones from all of this? No it doesn’t mean that at all, I interpret both relationships as romantic- but they also make really well written friendships.

Where the show falls flat on its face and where I do take issue with the queercoding is the ending. By the end of the show I think it is quite obvious that Tadashi/Adam is canon. Their relationship isn’t normal by any means but they are in a relationship. Do I think it is a healthy relationship? No. Like k*nks aside- Adam treated Tadashi like shit through the bulk of this show. Adam is the most heavily queercoded character in the show so it rubs me the wrong way that this relationship is the one they make the most explicit. It rubs me the wrong way that Cherry and Langa’s sexualities are made more clear after having interactions with Adam. It presents the narrative that gay people turn other people gay and by having Adam be a flamboyant gay character it pairs gay with the idea of being evil and promotes sterotypes. Someone made a really good video covering this and I can’t find it- If I do I will repost this with a link- or if someone else wants to comment it then I’ll repost and add it into post. Flashbacks aside I wish we had gotten some scenes where it was a little more obvious that Adam cared about Tadashi. Don’t get me wrong- I know he does- but Adam acted like an asshole towards tadashi for the majority of the show and then pulled the “all is forgiven” between the two right at the end. Healthy relationships aren’t needed in a show and I don’t think these two need to have one, but having it be the only/most explicit relationship in the show is upsetting. I would have loved to see a healthy queer relationship be made canon.

Not having these other relationships be made canon is fine. I understand wanting representation, but it is just eh-

I get both sides of this- the side that desperately want’s queer rep that they are willing to settle and thirst over the crumbs they get and then demand an explicit relationship when we aren’t handed one. I also understand the argument of the cultural differences and how I can only ever look at this through a western lense. Japan has a vastly different culture and their media reflects that even if obviously they do try and appeal to a wider audience. I am very conflicted on this and am totally fine with matchablossom and renga not being made canon even if I do understand the appeal. Again what rubs me the wrong way is the relationship they do decide to make pretty much explicit. Anyone who wants to argue me that Tadashi/Adam is a healthy queer rep can- but from what we have seen… it really isn’t.

Overall Thoughts:

I love sk8 the infinity and I hope they get another season. The difficulty it must be to tell a full story with fleshed out characters in around four hours of run time is something I can’t imagine. Every single character feels fairly well done and they are all loveable in their own way. I understand the appeal people have towards any character. In fact there isn’t a single character that I actively hate. At the end of the day Sk8 The Infinity is meant to be a light hearted anime about having fun skateboarding. The animation is amazing, the music is wonderful- in fact I don’t think it could have been better- the characters that fill this world are all incredibly lovable, the show is so much fun to watch. The creators did that, they gave us a beautiful and fun show. Ending the show with Adam going to jail would have pulled away from what the show was trying to accomplish. The show was trying to have fun and I sincerely hope they get a second season so we can see every single one of these loveable characters again. I hope I got my thoughts across in this show but I am definitely willing to clarify if anything is confusing.

#sk8 the infinity #sk8 #matchablossom #renga #adam #shindo ainosuke #reki kyan #langa hasegawa #kaoru sakurayashiki #kojiro nanjo #tadashi sk8

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bumblebee-moreno · 3 years

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LGBT EDUCATION EVENT

I posted a bit ago to see who might be interested in an event for anyone to ask me any question they want about my LGBT identities, or the LGBT community in general, and there seemed to be quite a bit of interest, so here we are!

Event goes from midnight to midnight March 30 (starts in 5 minutes, lasts for the full 24 hours).

For those of you who don’t know me (you can skip this part if you already know who I am):

My name is Bumblebee, but you can call me Bee. I am white and use he/they pronouns. I am FTM nonbinary, queer, demisexual, and polyamorous. I work part-time at a non-profit targeted towards trans youth. At the non-profit, I moderate our 24/7 chat (I’m not the only moderator, don’t worry, I do sleep), am a facilitator for our middle school support group (When one of our high school facilitators cannot make it, I also step into that group occasionally). I also help create and present workshops (We are currently in the process of creating a presentation for Microsoft). My other job is as a receptionist for a Veterinary Clinic. (For safety reasons, I will not be sharing which nonprofit I work at, or which veterinary clinic I work at. If, for some reason you find out where I work, please keep this information to yourself). I was diagnosed with ADHD in February, and was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder two years ago. I have lived in the USA my whole life, and was raised in a non-religious household. My extended family is mostly Christian, with a few relatives who are Norse Pagan (we are originally from Norway). I am agnostic.

The purpose of this event:

Education. That’s literally it. I’ve noticed a lot of misconceptions about the LGBT community, and want to combat that with a good ol’ fashioned Q&A.

Here are a few rules before we start:

(I do have a TL/DR at the bottom, but if you have the time, I encourage you to read the full thing)

- This is a safe space.

This means a few things: You can ask any question you like and I will not be offended. Nothing is to be taken personally, it will always be assumed that you are trying to learn, unless you’ve clearly proven otherwise. If you’re hurt by something someone (including myself) has said, you’re free and encouraged to say something about it. All identities are welcome. Everything will be tagged with appropriate content warnings (If I don't tag something you need tagged, let me know and I will happily tag it!)

- Who can participate:

Anyone wanting to learn about anything LGBT, including but not limited to:

Cisgender/heterosexual people who want to become better allies, Writers who want to learn how to be more inclusive, People questioning their gender/sexuality, literally anyone prepared to be respectful to anyone else participating

(I do want to note: this event is open to NSFW conversations. If you are uncomfortable with this, please filter the tag “adult conversations”.)

- Any question is okay to ask.

This is a space for everyone to learn, regardless of their prior knowledge. I will never get offended by a question. I will not be offended by the phrasing of a question. If I am not comfortable answering something, I will explain why, but I will not be annoyed. Part of learning is making mistakes, and I want to be courteous to that.

I am super open, so I will answer almost every question, regardless of how personal it is, with a few exceptions (see the “my boundaries” point.

Yes, this means you can ask questions that you’ve been previously told never to ask. I want to clarify though: I will make it clear when a question is inappropriate to ask in normal circumstances. Since I am telling you beforehand that it’s okay to ask personal or private questions, it is acceptable to do so in this context. However, I will always add a note explaining why you shouldn’t ask people this in other circumstances so that it’s still clear which questions I am making exceptions for.

- My boundaries

I’m not going to share identifying information. That includes: My legal name, where I live, where I work, photos of myself, etc.

I’m not going to share my deadname either, though I am willing to have conversations about deadnames themselves.

I’m not going to share what my plans for bottom surgery are. I am fine to talk about bottom surgery itself, I am fine to share where I’m at right now, and have next to no boundaries about top surgery. But I’m not going to share what my plans for whether or not I’m getting bottom surgery are.

I’ve worked as a receptionist and trans advocate for long enough that I take nothing personally. Because of this, I ask that if you need to get upset or aggressive about something related to this event, please come to me directly instead of attacking a participant. I’d rather you send me hate than sending it to someone who is trying to use this safe space as a learning opportunity. This includes if you’re frustrated with a participant. I’m happy to facilitate a healthy conversation about a disagreement, but I will not tolerate anyone attacking others.

- Hate will be blocked.

When you’re talking directly to me, I’m going to assume you’re well-intentioned. HOWEVER. If you’re directly attacking others who are involved in the conversation, you will be blocked. If you have a problem, please come to me and I will work to resolve it. Sending hate to people other than myself is in violation of the safe space.

- My intention is never to speak over anyone

I don’t know everything about every identity. As a white person, I experience white privilege. As someone who passes as male about 80% of the time, I experience male privilege. I am able-bodied. I try my very best to educate myself, but I am still learning (and always will be).

If I speak on an identity that is not my own, I will always add a note to clarify this. I will only be speaking from the stories shared with me by people who have that identity, and from the additional research I have done.

MY WORDS ARE NEVER THE ONLY TRUTH. I cannot say this enough. Don’t take my words over those of someone who uses a specific label. Even if I also use that label. Everyone experiences the world differently. My words are a STARTING POINT. Please be aware that other opinions and experiences exist. I will try my best to have resources paired with every conversation so you can further your learning, but please be aware that I cannot teach you everything.

If I don’t know the answer, I will do research as well as provide you with sources.

- No question will go unanswered

Yes, this includes questions that come across as “disrespectful”. I have said this already, but I will always assume good intentions unless it’s proven that you’re coming from a place of malice. If a question is phrased in a way that comes across as harmful in any way, I will still answer it AND explain why you should ask it differently in the future or not ask it at all going forward.

If I don’t respond within 2 hours, please message me again: I either didn’t receive it or I am still writing my response. I don’t want to miss anyone just because you think I’m ignoring you, I promise I’m not.

The ONLY time I won’t answer a question is if you’ve made it clear that you’re only here to attack the people using this safe space (I will have already asked you to leave).

- If something upsets you, don’t ignore it.

If you’re hurt by something I, or someone else said, please let me know. My intentions are never to hurt or upset anyone.

You can disagree with people, including me, as long as you’re polite about it.

If you need me to talk to someone for you, I’m happy to do so. If you want a private conversation with me, my DMs are open. If you want to stay anonymous but don’t want your questions posted, use this 🌙 emoji (or just say so), and I’ll make a post trying my best to answer your question without sharing the contents of the ask itself.

I don’t expect you to educate me as to why you’re upset by something: that’s not your responsibility, I can educate myself. I do appreciate anyone willing to talk about differing views or why something upset them, but that is not the purpose of the event and you are under no obligation to educate anyone else. I will do my research the moment someone says something bothered them.

- Please don’t weaponise my words.

Please don’t use anything said here as a way to attack people. This event is to educate people. I hope there’s nothing said here that can be manipulated to hurt people, but I didn’t want to leave this unsaid; the point of this isn’t to attack people who are uneducated, it’s to help educate them.

- Most importantly: Please come into this with a desire to learn

This event won’t be helpful if you’re determined to not learn anything. The purpose of this is to ask questions and learn something. I can’t decide for you that you want to learn. I can’t force you to learn. You have to be willing, or this may seem very pointless to you. I’m not trying to change opinions or beliefs, I’m just trying to spread a little education. If you’re unable to take my words and really think about them, this may not be the space for you, but that’s up to you to decide.

Any topic is okay!

This includes (but isn’t limited to):

- Writing LGBT characters (such as how to incorporate same-sex representation without fetishizing gay people, writing for gender-neutral or non-female readers, making content trans-friendly, etc.)

- What to do when someone you care about comes out

- Coming out

- Transition-related questions (HRT, surgery, binding/tucking, deadnames, etc.)

- Defining terms or labels you’re unfamiliar with

- Working out your feelings about something (such as something you saw in media and need to talk to someone about)

- Various laws (questions about laws may take up to 3 hours to answer, as I would have to research your particular area, depending on the question)

- Literally any other question you can think of that has to do with the LGBT community in any way, these are just some ideas off the top of my head to get y’all started.

TL;DR: This space is open to anyone, any topic, any question just please be open-minded and respectful!

(Just like my first post, I’m including tags for the Pedro fandom because I’ve seen a lot of issues within that community, but this is open to anyone that wants to participate, regardless of what interests you have.)

@phoenixhalliwell

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averykedavra · 3 years

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Is it okay as a cis person to reblog trans/non-binary/genderqueer etc. Stuff?

Thanks for asking! Since you didn’t specify what Stuff, I gotta say it’s a pretty nuanced question? It both relies on what the post is about, and what you’re reblogging it with. You probably didn’t ask for a specific checklist, and this isn’t necessarily aimed at you, but I’d say, in general:

Positivity post? Yes! You can always reblog a positivity post for a group that you’re not part of, as long as you aren’t ignorant or hurtful in the reblog.

Awareness post? Yes! It’s important to raise awareness of struggles or issues. Reblog all you like, as long as you aren’t derailing the post.

Post aimed at trans people? Sometimes! It really depends on the post itself. If it’s a post about and for that community, you might not want to intrude. But if you can relate, or generally think it’s funny, you could reblog without doing too much harm. I’d say, when in doubt, reblog the lighter posts. Try not to reblog posts by and for a minority group that talk about personal suffering, unless it’s an awareness post.

Post that jokingly makes fun of cis people? I’d be careful. Sometimes, people in a minority group make fun of a non-minority group. It’s nothing personal, and it’s annoying when people in that non-minority group get upset, calling it things like “cisphobia.” But it can also be minimizing if a non-minority reblogs or agrees with the post, since they’re essentially saying “Not all [insert non-minority here] are like that.” Which ignores the purpose of the post. Just...maybe stay away from those posts, if you’re not part of that minority.

Post that states cis people can reblog? Yes! If they’ve said it, you can do it. Simple as that.

Post that states cis people can’t reblog? Definitely not! Respect people’s wishes! Don’t say, “I know I’m cis, but--” They have their reasons. It’s not discrimination. In general, you should never reblog a post when the OP has told you not to. That’s just bad manners.

And I know it can be hard to figure out what’s the ‘correct’ way to reblog a post. So here are a few general rules:

Do: add trigger warnings and general tags. Always do that, no matter the content of the post!

Don’t: use tags that minimize the content of the post. For example, tagging racism as #discourse minimizes the problem, and makes it sound like it’s a debate instead of a serious issue.

Do: write support of the group in the tags. “Wishing all my trans followers a good day” or “nonbinary rights always” are perfectly fine! However, I’d be warier of writing that outside of the tags, or on a post that isn’t positivity. That could derail the post. For example, writing “for my Jewish followers” in the text of a post about a Jewish recipe isn’t really necessary.

Don’t: write condemnation of oppressors in the tags. If it’s a post about t*rfs, you can write “fuck t*rfs.” If not, please leave them out of it. Responding to a positivity post by reminding people of negativity, or focusing on hurting oppressors instead of uplifting the oppressed, is just not great allyship. If a post isn’t about oppression, be positive!

Do: research the issue and ask pleasant questions. If you don’t understand the post, do some research! Don’t necessarily ask the OP about it, unless they seem open to questions--minority groups aren’t your dictionaries. Instead, find resources that explain it to you! It’s important to educate yourself.

Don’t: contribute to a discussion you’re not part of. Trans people are talking about their personal experiences? A cis person doesn’t have anything to add. That sounds mean, but it really needs to be said. Any reblog that starts with “I’m cis, but--” usually doesn’t end well. Know when something’s not aimed at you. Reblog without saying anything.

Do: ask if it’s okay to reblog. If you’re not sure, ask the OP! Usually, people are happy to have someone clarify. Shoot them an ask or write in the notes, “Is this okay for a cis person to reblog?” And respect the answer, whatever it turns out to be.

Don’t: add onto the post when you’ve been told not to. If they said no talking--in the tags or not--then don’t. Respect the OP’s wishes. In general, when you’re in doubt, tag the tws and then leave it be. If you don’t have anything productive or helpful to say, don’t say anything at all! Sometimes--and I keep saying this, I know, but it’s true--things really, really aren’t about you.

Do: delete or correct the post if you’ve done something wrong. If OP or another person corrects you, follow their instructions! Delete the reblog or correct it. Please don’t make a long apology, or take it personally, or try to argue with them. Sometimes people make mistakes. It happens. Fix it and move on.

Don’t: stop reblogging posts. I know it can seem overwhelming, looking at all this, and you might wonder if there’s really any way to reblog things respectfully. One, if you’re worried about it, you’re on the right track. And two, personally, I’d rather you mess up while reblogging than not reblog at all.

Please reblog. Reblog what, and when, you can. It’s important not to stay silent, or to leave people feeling like you don’t care about them. You don’t need to reblog every post you see, but think about how you’re using your platform. What kind of space have you created on your blog? Is it a safe one? Or is it suspiciously absent of support for minorities, silent on important information about representation, quiet when fandom issues are going around?

And, for what it’s worth, good intentions matter. They aren’t everything. You can still harm people unintentionally, and people might not want to talk to you. But they do count for something. It counts if you’re respectful, willing to learn, and ask questions like this! If you’re focused on how to help others, it puts you in a far better position to improve.

TL:DR? Raise awareness, spread positivity, and know when to step back and listen. Don’t panic, but take a few seconds to look over your words before you reblog. And get ready to learn a whole hell of a lot, because you can never be perfect, but you can always work to be better.

This post applies to a lot of things, not just cis people reblogging posts about trans people, and you can see that I used several examples. If anything in this post is harmful, incorrect, or ignorant, please let me know.

And this post is okay for everyone to reblog!

#long post #tw longpost #tumblr etiquette #asks and answers #anon #avery's argot

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doodle-dog-diary · 3 years

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SALTOBER Day Three: Movie

Original post here

I think I've mentioned this somewhere before, but I did not like the third httyd movie. Here is a numbered list why:

It didn't make sense for it to try to mirror the book series? Like y'all weren't doing that shit with the first two, why start now? The whole "all the dragons had to go into hiding" thing worked in the books because there was actual buildup to it. But here was no hint of this ever happening in the previous two movies??And the Big Scary Antagonist just didn't feel threatening enough? Which leads me to my next point,

The villain (I think his name was Grimmel? I keep calling him Grinch in my head.) Just wasn't super intimidating or threatening? Alvin in the books felt like a Genuine Threat because like. He's cunning. He's underhanded. And every time the gang tries to kill him, he just won't die. Grinch, on the other hand? Like ok he's just some twiggy little old guy just SHOOT HIM WITH A CROSSBOW or something it's not that hard

The "final farewell" scene where Hiccup lets Toothless go had like. No emotional impact at all? For me at least. Like, come on, we all know they're going to meet up not 5 minutes after this, there's no way they're gonna end the movie without showing off the uwu cute dragon babies

It's the ✨heteronormativity✨for me. Well ok at least dreamworks didn't make her pink with long eyelashes and a hair bow, I'll give them that.

Ok so this is more of a personal taste thing, but I don't think that the aesthetic fit in with the previous two movies. Also why's everyone dressed in the same-ish leather armour. They tryna be viking power rangers or some shit?

I don't like how they basically reduced Astrid to just the Supportive Girlfriend. Queen did not deserve that.

Why. Why did they have to make Gobber ✨canonically gay✨ in like the weirdest way possible. Ok I know it's because they're tryna pander to the queer community but don't want to "sacrifice" someone from the main cast, but like. Why. YES I KNOW ERET IS NOT UNDERAGE BUT IT WAS LIKE WATCHING YOUR 60-YEAR-OLD UNCLE THIRST AFTER A 20-YEAR-OLD MODEL, IT MADE ME UNCOMFY, I DID NOT LIKE IT

YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE MADE ME UNCOMFY? SNOTLOUT. SNOTLOUT THIRSTING AFTER VALKA. AS IN HICCUP'S MOM. HIS AUNT. AAAAAAAAAAA

(Side note: to clarify, I'm NOT against queer characters in media! In fact! I think there should be more queer characters in media! Like that's a good thing! My stance on Making Characters Queer is basically this: 1) some random person on the internet headcanons some character as being gay or bi or trans or whatever: ✔️ cool. Y'all having fun? Good for you. I don't really care. You do you or whatever. 2) fucking disney or some shit tryna make another first gay character where the only indication that they're gay is like just that one line of dialogue. Or blink-and-you-miss-it background representation: ❌ ok. So? You want me to give you a gold star stickew? Becaush youwu've been twying sho hawd to repwesent ✨the gays✨ uwu, pwetty pwease give you my money? Bitch please. TRY HARDER. 3) motherfuckers "confirming" some character is "asexual" via tweet only. "Congrats! This cartoon character who appears in a kids cartoon for kids is ace! This is because they're never shown to have sex! This is super legit! :) hooray! Aren't we such good allies :))" ❌ I AM GOING TO RIP OUT YOUR JUGULAR WITH MY TEETH of course they're not going to be shown in a sexual relationship it's a kids cartoon, Sharon, what the fuck is wrong with you)

(Sideside note: I literally just thought of this but like. Wouldn't it be funny if like, instead of the light fury or whatever, they made it so that Toothless was like. Gay for a sea dragon that's like ten times his size. The sea dragon is also like, not Sexy and Elegant at all, he just looks goofy as hell. And in the end Toothless and his massive fuckass boyfriend also show up with a bunch of baby dragons. And it's never explained where they came from.)

(Sidesideside note: I once read a fanfic on Fanfiction.net, (before it was banned in Malaysia :( so sad) where Astrid was the village chief instead of Hiccup, and Hiccup was like her inventor/adventurer trophy husband. I think that was fun. Hiccup could just have fun and do whatever he wanted and Astrid could like. Not be reduced to being just Hiccup's girlfriend. So yeah. I liked that. I wish I still had access to ff.net)

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kisskissbanggang · 4 years

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The Sabotage of Simkung House - Part 1

[Stray Kids Multi Fic - 5K Words/20Min. Read - Lee Know x Female Reader - Non-Idol!au, Variety!au - NSFW/Smut, Plot - Reverse Harems, Variety Shows, Secret Hook-Ups]

This was your weirdest casting call yet. The assistant was taking the longest time looking back and forth from your headshot to your CV, and it was making you anxious. You could be doing better things on a Thursday night than get scrutinized more than usual. Finally, after an agonizing fifteen minutes of near silence on your end, the assistant motioned for the casting director to come over. This new person looked from the CV, to the headshot, to you, in a repeated loop until they ultimately asked you to stand up, turn in a circle, and walk around the room. You felt like a show dog, but relief finally came as the casting director motioned for you to follow, not leave. Was this your weirdest casting call ever? Probably. Would you pass up an opportunity to sign? Of course not.

Yet another eager assistant trotted up to intercept you as casting led you down the hall. “I got this,” he explained, politely shooing away the casting director and redirecting you into a new office.

“Hi,” he greeted as he sat you in a chair, “so we’re glad you're here. I’m Felix,” he introduced himself, offering you a hand to shake before he sat you in a chair in front of the big desk in the room. He remained standing as he animatedly explained himself. “I’m the assistant for our executive producer. We know this has been a little unorthodox.”

“That's fine! I know some AV producers have really high standards,” you shrugged with a polite smile. You hadn't been shooting adult videos long, but in the time since you started you’d definitely had some weird auditions. None as weird as this, still, but weird nonetheless.

“Right,” Felix nodded, “we were impressed with your materials. I'm already familiar with your work--” he blurted out before cranking back, biting into his lip as he blushed. You modestly nodded for him to continue. “--but I never realized you had such credentials otherwise. You have a very nice acting resume.”

“I've never needed both before,” you explained apologetically, “so I just left everything on there.”

“No no! It’s better than I could've dreamed of. I had no clue you went to school. And you’re bilingual? I thought I recalled you using English once or twice in streams, but I never realized--” Felix paused again, realizing his continued admission. You nodded for him to get going once again.

“Don’t be embarrassed,” you kindly encouraged, “I’m glad you’re familiar with my work.”

“I am,” he eagerly nodded as he pulled some materials out from a folder sitting on the desk , “And we want you. So can I explain?” He waited for your approval once more before he launched in. We’re casting a new variety show. It’s called Noesengnam House.” The first piece of material he slid across the desk was a logo: a cheesy, bubbly text in front of a silhouette of a chiseled man with a graduation cap on. You raised an eyebrow. However, being enthusiastic was key to landing any gig, so despite any doubts you put on a smile.

“Alright. So we’re focusing on smart, sexy guys?”

“We’re making smart, sexy guys,” Felix clarifies, and he’s so proud as he passes five headshots across the desk. You’ve always been puzzled by these overenthusiastic assistants, like they have a stake in every good idea so they have to be good. “This is like charm school, but for guys. The catch is they have to get equal marks in all their subjects by the end of the season in order for all of them to win their prizes.”

You got the smallest bit distracted looking over the faces of these five men, wondering how charm school worked as a concept with porn actors. “So the subjects are…?”

“What,” Felix suddenly halted, “not interested in the prizes?”

“I assume it’s money,” you flippantly shrugged, “so what are they supposed to be getting high marks in? I assume I'm working with them, so I'm interested in what they’re doing.”

It was Felix’s turn to shrug. Somehow, he apparently hadn’t predicted this. “The usual: manners, fitness, home economics, academics. They’re all secretly cast to have a specialty, so they have to work together to figure out each other's strengths and weaknesses.”

You finally held up your hands to formally stop him. “I'm sorry,” you politely apologized, “but I think I'm missing something. Where do I fit in?”

“Ah, that's the fun part. We cast them for variety, not for adult content. This will be their first venture.”

“For all of them?” You dubiously marveled, starkly curious how this would affect their performances. Almost no one was ever proud of their first time for more than sentimental reasons.

“Yes, all of them,” Felix proudly nodded, “in our counterpart series, Simkung House.” He slid a new logo across the desk, the first crossed out and a bubbly pink text replacing it, with the silhouette of a -- no, really -- french maid tickling her duster under the chin of the man in the original design. The cartoon male even had blush added. You raised a sharp eyebrow at Felix.

“Simkung? Who's the heartthrob, me or them?”

He jokingly waved you off, as if you could dare be so modest. “You, of course. They’re the stars of the daytime show, and you're the star of the nighttime show. Every good dormitory needs a housekeeper.”

“Daytime show?” You asked, backtracking. Your head was starting to swim with details.

“Yes. We actually have a daytime slot for Noesengnam House.”

“And so this--” you tapped on the gaudy pink logo in front of you, “is airing? On television?”

Felix slowed down a second. “Not quite,” he admitted, “it’s an online subscription for a well-negotiated price. Our clientele are loyal, and word of mouth has been our biggest asset.”

“So I just sleep with everyone.”

“Of course not,” Felix grinned, wagging a cheeky finger at you. “You’re working for a prize as well.” He slid a new graphic across the desk, this one a table of information. One row had a heart, the one below had a broken heart, and the one on the bottom simply had a question mark. The zeroes populating the prize side of the infographic made your pulse race. “Our five budding bachelors are all yours for the taking, but they can’t find out about each other. They each have to think they’re the one you chose. If you bed one of them, that’s 50 million won.”

Felix’s grin grew more wicked as your eyes widened.

“If one of them finds out about the others, you’ll lose 60 million won each. So control of information is key.”

“And what’s this?” You asked suspiciously, pointing at the ominous question mark.

“That,” he explained, “is for added drama being incited. You’ll find out later.”

“So what if I get all five?” You asked, feeling a bit foolish for getting excited.

“Then you get the prize,” Felix said seriously, “There's 500 million won at hand here, but you don't get to earn any of your penalties back for anyone finding out.”

You felt a little nauseous. That much money could get you a modest house, and maybe a car, and maybe all sorts of things.

“Where’s the contract?” You cautiously asked, not wanting to sound too eager.

“Of course,” Felix nodded as he pulled out two packets from under his pile of promotional material, one for each show, “I figured you’ll want copies for your manager--”

“I manage myself,” you firmly replied to Felix’s surprise, taking the copies from him and grabbing a pen from your bag. You flipped through, immediately crossing out any transfer of representation and exclusivity clauses. You had to be able to work after this, and you had to be able to keep up your own streams on the side during production if the schedule allowed. Your pen paused as you hit something interesting.

“What’s this about accommodations?”

“We’ve leased a house for production instead of making a studio more habitable for the cast. You’ll need to be accessible at all times given our schedule.”

“So my stream…?”

“Sadly, you’ll need to take a hiatus,” Felix pouted a little in sympathy, “but we’re confident you’ll find new fans. Now, are you going to use that pen to sign? Or do you want time?”

A miniature war broke out in your head over the prospects, but you quickly tried to decipher why -- the contract practically led in with the fact you’d get five million up front. That would help pay the bills in advance and settle some debt that had sat while money was tight. If you said no, someone else would say yes. You would meet new guys and network, and possibly come out with more money than you had going in.

You signed.

---

Felix wasn’t around on your first day on set, but you had his card in case you needed him. You wheeled your one suitcase to the front door of the handsome house, and an assistant immediately herded you to your room, further away from the chaos currently happening in the main living space. The bottom floor of the house mostly contained the impressive home gym, but appeared to also be where the laundry room and your room were located. You noted cameras tucked into all sorts of corners and crevices, some more obvious than others.

Your room was modest, with a small bathroom attached and its own fair share of cameras around. It was cutely decorated, a little feminine with warm string lights and soft textiles, but not very personal. It could've been any girl's room, but for now, it was yours. Felix had assured you that the cameras in here would only ever be on at night, and always with a signal of one of the bulbs on your string lights blinking. You opened your closet to get a feel of the space and where you could put your things when you saw your uniforms set out for you. A number of soft blouses with coordinating skirts hung on padded hangers, ready for you to mix and match. When you opened the drawers beside them, you found pairs of sensible tights and delicate pantyhose, some patterned and some not. Thankfully, the costumes were pretty sensible. You didn't want to be parading around in a french maid costume, swishing petticoats in boys’ faces or bending at the waist to show off some frilly panties. If the show wanted you to actually seduce these men and do it with some romance and dignity, the modestly cute uniforms would work just fine. You did also bring some of your own clothes, something Felix so graciously insisted upon, so you had options should you grow tired of the same look.

You unpacked and changed into a pale pink blouse with a black pencil skirt and some grey tights before heading upstairs where you were immediately intercepted by another assistant.

“Noona,” the younger man politely greeted, “you must be our housekeeper.” You nodded with a smile in return, popping the first button on your blouse when the assistant held up a lavalier mic to clip on. He quickly averted his eyes as you threaded the cord down and around to your back, endearing you, but just a little.

“What's your name?” You asked, watching for some sound tech to signal that you were fine or needed adjustments.

“I’m Seungmin, noona. You can let me know if you need anything. For now, we'll get you to a stylist and get you today's pages.” Seungmin showed you upstairs to the attic of the grand house, a de facto control center just above the main floor. A stylist swept you up and sat you in a chair while Seungmin fetched your pages. As the first episode, you would really only get a short introduction with the other staff: a cook, and a valet. For some reason, these cast members didn’t also reside in the house, but you didn’t need to question the producers at the moment and cause trouble. The main cast appeared to be downstairs already getting set for their first takes, their voices muffled through the thick rugs placed on the floor on this level. A text beeped through your phone that you had stashed in the pocket of your apron, and you opened it.

>How's my star? Ready for your first day? Can I get a picture? I have the big boss here.

You rolled your eyes at Felix’s antics, but took a reluctantly cute selfie anyhow, even winking for the camera.

>Perfect. It's like your first day of school and I'm so proud lmao. Big boss says to tone down the sass. Clients are more into Hidden Charm.

A heavy sigh fell from your chest. You were already nervous for your first real variety debut, let alone with the show tonight lurking ahead. Seungmin appeared right next to you, ready to lead you downstairs as the stylist set your hair one last time.

The lights in the living room were a bit irritating and took a second to adjust to, but the room itself was great. The home was impeccably decorated, modern and smart and just cozy enough to not feel sterile. You were sat next to your other Staff cast members while the main cast finished up in the dining room, your introductions awkward and brief. An errant bead of sweat traveled from the nape of your neck down your back when the rest of the cast were led into the living room, tempting you to shiver until the crew was done setting up.

You watched, distracted in the middle of rising from your seat when the cast filed in from the dining room down the hall, stretching and chatting as they took a quick break. The boys all had on some coordinating iteration of the same uniform, capitalizing on the ‘college boys in their dorm’ concept the show was toying with. First was Minho, a perfectly pressed crease undisturbed on his slacks despite filming all morning, and his sleeves bundled up over his hands as he nonchalantly entered the room and immediately took a seat on the couch. Next came Jisung, glasses gradually sliding too low and one end of his necktie a little too short. Changbin followed, looking down his long nose at a loose thread on his sweater vest, with Hyunjin right behind stopping him to fuss over it himself. He stooped down to see better and brazenly reached under the material to pull the loose thread back through before being prodded along by Chan pulling up the rear. Hyunjin straightened up, smoothing out his blazer and adjusting his beret before joining the rest of the boys on the long sofa, Minho now having scooted off to sit on a tufted ottoman. Chan casually rerolled his shirt sleeves and brushed a hand through his ashy blonde hair, opting to stand until the crew was ready. The assistant director stepping in to run down the scene finally pulled you out of your reverie. Clearly, your co-stars’ headshots didn't do them justice, but did they think the same of yours?

The scene was simple: following the round-table of introductions in the previous scene, the cast meets the staff before picking roommates. That was it, that was your big debut, and for some reason it was nerve-wracking. You and the staff all nodded greetings before filming even began, before you took your marks off camera. The boys were all polite, but none of them treated you with any familiarity. You would have to remember to ask Felix if they actually had seen your headshot before coming to set.

Finally, cameras rolled. As the Seniors of the group, Minho and Chan led the discussion, but Chan was clearly filling his role as the show’s host. He spoke well, and with plenty of charm, but something definitely struck you as odd about him. You just couldn’t pinpoint what. Your cue snapped you out of your train of thought and you suddenly remembered you were nervous, just as you walked on set and into the irritating lights. The valet introduced himself first, and then the cook, and, to your horror… You forgot your cheesy intro line.

What was it?

Amazing. Your first shot would require a reshoot, and it would be because of a flub.

You momentarily floundered, opting instead to roll with it and improvise.

“Hello, boys,” you beamed as you greeted them, “I’m your housekeeper. Keep a good home while you're here, since I'll be the one cleaning it. I hope you have nothing to hide.” You topped it off with a wink, and the boys all shared a momentary air of surprise. You didn't blame them -- it was awkward, cringy, and too ‘sassy.’ The Big Boss probably hated it.

But the boys laughed. Actually laughed. The take finished without any more problems, and the stylist ran up to reset your hair between takes.

“Was it bad?” You whispered as she touched up your makeup.

“No, I liked it!” She smiled, reassuring you a little. In fact, the AD asked you to run it again the way you had, surprised you could improvise at all. The retake went more smoothly, and you finally allowed yourself a sigh of relief as the scene cut for transition.

As the boys finally wrapped up, you set about your other duties. When the cameras weren't formally set and manned, the planted cameras caught plenty of action from the boys. The valet had it easy; he was come-and-go as the plot necessitated, but you and the cook actually worked. Your contract outlined that while the boys were usually “on” from eight o'clock to eight o'clock, that you were an actual part-timer during the day and working at night. You could “work” your show during the day, but you couldn't interfere with the daytime activities. If you were needed as a housekeeper during the day, then that was priority, and these bookshelves apparently came with dust on them. You set about dusting as the boys transitioned from their scripted work to more casual filming. They each gave you a look as they filed back out of the living room to get set up in their rooms. Some expressions were cryptic, Hyunjin and Chan especially, but some were clear, like Minho’s small grin as he subtly looked you up and down as you reached for a tall shelf. Not wanting to shy away from an opportunity, you smiled back.

The rest of your day was pretty simple, all things considered. You dusted and swept and tidied up a little, but since all five men had just started living in the house, there wasn’t much else at the moment. The house calmed down considerably as the huge crew dispersed for the day, now resembling just a mostly normal home. You hung out and snacked in your room as you heard everyone eating upstairs, only emerging once you heard their chairs scooting free of the dinner table. At that moment, one of the bulbs on your string lights blinked three times and then turned off.

You immediately straightened up where you sat in bed and cheerily waved at the camera. Felix had outlined that you would never have to do much talking if you didn’t feel like it. You rose from your bed, turning to fix the bow in your apron before heading out of your room, giving the camera an extra wave. As you turned to ascend the stairs, a figure landed right on the bottom step in front of you, making you jump with a startled laugh.

“Chan--!” You gasped into a giggle. “I'm so sorry, you surprised me.”

“I’m sorry, noona, I’ll be more careful,” he nodded cordially as he briskly moved to step around you. You quickly took note of the basket in his hands.

“Wait!” You jumped back in front of him. “You don’t have to do your own laundry, you know. Besides, you already have some on night one?” You held your hands open for him to set the basket into and he hesitated before reluctantly giving it up to you.

“It’ll take some getting used to, noona, thank you. I just wanted to take care of my uniform and my street clothes from before I got to set.”

“Fair enough,” you smiled warmly despite his stiff demeanor, turning heel back towards the laundry room as Chan hesitated again before heading back up the stairs. Working quickly, you set about separating the meager pile of laundry and getting them started on washing before you returned to your original plan and headed upstairs yourself.

Through the living room was the dining room, and beyond that was the kitchen down the hall. You peered in, spying a sink full of dishes from dinner. You pulled on some gloves and got to washing when your ears perked up at the sound of the kitchen door swinging open. Just like that, your assumption was right: someone had to be a late-night snacker in the cast. And, of course, it was Minho.

“I'm sure you could’ve eaten with us if you wanted,” Minho slyly grinned as he pulled open a cabinet and peered inside. His uniform was swapped out for a much comfier number, a simple henley shirt and pajama pants. The thin layers hugged the subtle outlines of his figure and suggested that despite his casual nature, he still put in effort for his looks. He came away from the cabinet with a box of cookies and offered it to you. You smiled and silently declined.

“I appreciate that, Minho, but I'm just the help.”

“Yeah, but you’re pretty,” he said bluntly, quietly picking the box open, “and I feel like we could be friends.”

You watched, quietly impressed with how cool Minho could be. He silently, nonchalantly took a bite of a cookie and offered you a bite of the same. Could you really say no to an advance like that?

Sure you could. Where was the fun in making it easy? You spied a camera in the corner of the kitchen, tucked under the hanging cabinets. Stepping aside, Minho instinctively circled with you, opening your conversation up for the camera.

“It’s only the first night, Minho,” you teasingly scolded as you leaned forward and took a bite of the proffered cookie, “you shouldn't be so eager.”

Minho surprised you again, his thumb instantly at your lip and cleaning off a crumb you hadn't even felt.

“Are you sure you're just the help?” He laughed quietly. “You don't act like it.”

“I can act however you want me to,” you teased back, enjoying the way his eyes lit up at your little repartee. You locked gazes as you let his thumb caress your bottom lip, watching for his reaction when dipped your chin to take the digit between your lips for just a moment. You took a step back, leaning back against the counter. His turn now. Minho set the box of cookies down, a devilish grin tugging at his lip as he stepped closer.

When the door swung open once again. You both rapidly turned away from each other, your hands plunging back into the sink and Minho turning back to the cabinets. Changbin blinked at the two of you.

“‘Sup,” Minho cheerily greeted, “I'm making myself something to eat. Want anything?”

“Nah,” Changbin shook his head as his eyes darted between the two of you before settling on the box of cookies on the counter. He stiffly reached between you both and grabbed it. “I'll be just fine with this. Unless you wanted--?”

“No, thanks, that's fine, like I said, making myself something,” Minho enthusiastically prattled on, making himself look busy as he started facetiously searching for pans in the bottom cabinets under the counter. Changbin raised an eyebrow before shrugging, popping open the box of cookies and digging in as he left the kitchen.

A beat passed in the silence as you both waited for Changbin’s footsteps to disappear, but you didn’t get a chance to say anything before you felt Minho press up behind you where you stood at the sink. You let yourself have a small smile as he reached his arms around you, grabbing a kitchen towel and pulling your hands out of the sink to dry them. His head leaned down over your shoulder, his breath tickling your neck as he took his time before you grew impatient. You leaned back against his chest, opening up your neck for him. Minho breathed you in and brushed your hair back, the impression of his smirk pressed into you as his lips brushed against the delicate skin.

You turned in his arms, playfully pushing him back a couple inches by the hips, and he instantly stepped closer, getting on with it already and driving his lips against yours. His flannel pajama pants did next to nothing to hide his growing erection he was currently grinding into your thigh. You kissed him deep, readily spreading your legs for him as his hands searched you and played with the hem of your skirt.

“Right here?” You asked coyly.

“As if we weren't pushing for that this whole time already,” Minho chuckled as he kissed you up and back against the counter. He spun you back around, pressing your hips against the sink as he kissed and nibbled at your neck. “Say it,” he implored.

“Fuck me,” you replied breathlessly, gasping as Minho immediately pulled your skirt up around your hips and bent you over the sink, his fingers dipping below the waist of your tights and tugging them down. His fingertips probed your dripping entrance from behind and you gave an encouraging moan for him to continue. “What,” you grinned back over your shoulder, “chickening out?”

“Sorry, I wasn’t expecting this,” he teased, “you sure you want it? You did say it's the first night.”

“Give it to me,” you said adamantly. Minho smiled back as he pulled out his hard length. One hand gripped your hip as he guided himself in, groaning as your depths took him deep. You squeaked out a surprised moan when he bottomed out before both his hands were on your hips now and pulling you deeper around him.

You clapped a hand over your mouth to keep from getting too loud as Minho fucked you over the sink, his hips bucking hard against you as his length filled you up. Once he set a reliable rhythm, one hand crept lower, between your legs to caress your clit as he fucked you.

“I want to make you cum,” Minho gritted behind you, “tell me how and I'll do it.”

“Keep doing what you’re doing and you will,” you taunted.

Minho seemed pleased with your answer, his fingers still rubbing firm circles on your clit as his cock drove in and out of you even faster. You pushed your hips back against his, gripping the counter hard as the refined angle helped hit your spot more consistently. Minho let out a deep groan at the sound of your quickening whimpers, the sound of you approaching your orgasm making it difficult for him to keep up his own pace.

“Minho,” you gasped, “I’m gonna--!”

You threw your head back as you cried out, quickly muffled when Minho pressed his own hand over your mouth. He kept it there, his other hand still holding firm onto your hip as he fucked you through your orgasm and on his way to his own. You whined and moaned into his palm, the way his own desperate groans combined with his stuttering grip on you making you lightheaded. He came hard, suddenly, emptying himself inside you as he gritted out hushed curses and panted breaths.

You both stayed there, connected at the hips before Minho pulled out and brought you back up from the ledge of the sink. It was sweet, the way he helped put you back together and kissed your cheek.

“Thanks,” he panted with a grin, still catching his breath, “hope this won’t make anything weird.”

“Of course not,” you smiled back as you brushed your fingers through your hair, “we can even do it again some time if you’d like.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. What’re friends for?” You winked, and Minho’s laugh was almost bashful as he playfully nudged your shoulder. His hand lingered on yours before he gave a cute wave and finally walked out of the kitchen.

You waited a beat for Minho’s footsteps to disappear before you found the closest camera in the corner of the kitchen and gave it a wave and a smile. You finished the dishes and left them to dry and exited the kitchen, nearly screaming in surprise as you ran right into someone.

Another assistant, blinking in surprised relief and taking a deep breath.

“Well done, noona,” the assistant laughed quietly.

“Who are--”

“Jeongin, noona, sorry.”

“Where have you been hiding?” You asked, bewildered.

“Upstairs in the control room. I come in when the day crew leaves to help supervise in case you need anything.” He handed you a bottle of water and you nodded your gratitude, uncapping and taking a sip as you looked him over. He was an actual infant. He must've gotten roped into the industry right out of school. “Any other plans tonight?”

“Don’t think so,” you chuckled. “The show won’t be much fun if I get everything done in one week.”

“Sounds good, noona. You’ll be getting some rest then?”

“Sure will.” You waved goodbye to the assistant as he crept back up the stairs and you headed down towards your room, making a quick stop to make a change over in Chan’s laundry for him.

You stripped down in the comfort of your room, waving as the camera blinked on and you pulled on your pajamas. The sheets were welcoming as you crawled into bed, blowing a kiss to your viewers before the camera blinked back off. Your phone buzzed with a text from Felix as your eyelids grew heavy.

>Good show tonight. Great start. The big boss loved it. Can you wear the dark blue blouse tomorrow? I want to see if it looks better than the pink. And don't make tonight a habit. We gotta keep things interesting. ;)

You sighed, now suddenly curious how you would “keep things interesting” between all five boys and wondering who would be next.

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