#yes it is painful sometimes and yes it is lots of hard work and frustration

[illdowhatiwantthanks]

The Kumquat (The Surprise, Part 4)

Emily Prentiss x fem!reader Warnings: pregnancy times, established relationship, fluff on fluff on fluff, some references to past sexual trauma (nothing graphic), a Pap smear (aka the WORST medical exam and I will stand by that) Word Count: 1.4k

Summary: It's Emily's first non-local case since finding out you were pregnant, and you're both struggling. Especially because it means she'll have to miss you first prenatal appointment–and the first sound of your baby's heartbeat. Maybe there's still a way to share the moment, though...

Week 10: The Kumquat

Your heart beat wildly as you pulled into the parking lot of the OBGYN’s office. You wiped your sweaty palms on your jeans and checked your phone. Nothing. You groaned and rubbed your forehead.

You had a hard time with doctors, particularly with gynecologists–a stubborn remnant of past trauma. Emily knew that. Emily knew it was your first appointment and that you’d be scared. She’d wanted to come along; she would have asked all the questions you'd forget.

But duty called. It always did. You’d gotten lucky over the last month since finding out you were pregnant. The BAU hadn’t caught any huge cases and, even the cases they did catch had been local enough that Emily still made it home to you most nights. But, of course, your luck had run out.

You were angry with Emily for leaving, but you knew that was unreasonable. This is what you’d signed up for. Her job was important to her. It was important to you. The fact that she was so passionate about and dedicated to her team and the work they did was one of the things you loved most about her. You were always sad to see her leave and, yes, sometimes frustrated when she had to miss things you’d planned together, but at the end of the day, you knew she loved you, and that was all that mattered.

But this time. This time you were struggling. You tried not to take it out on Emily too much; it wasn’t her fault that your hormones were going wild. You were more everything than usual. More angry at her for leaving, more sad while she was gone, more terrified of going to the doctor.

You glared at your message-less phone for a few minutes before taking a deep breath and texting Emily.

Headed into the OBGYN🤞 I wish you were here. Be safe love 💗

You waited a few minutes with no response, taking a deep breath to swallow your rage. For all you knew, she could be in a bulletproof vest trying to talk down a murderer right now. She loves you, you reminded yourself. If she could be here, she would.

In the office, you were assaulted with the smell of rubbing alcohol and Lysol. You filled out what felt like a full novella of personal and family medical history. When they finally called you back, you felt like a science experiment–poked and prodded and measured. When the doctor pulled out the stirrups, you flinched.

“Is that necessary?” you asked.

She nodded at you. “Sorry. It’s just been long enough since your last Pap smear that I’d rather be safe than sorry.”

You hated it. Hated the whole process, you always did. It was painful and invasive and it made you remember things you’d really rather not remember. Emily usually went with you, to let you squeeze her hand and to whisper that it was okay, you were safe.

You clenched and felt tears prick at your eyes as the cold metal forced its way into you. Hands gripping at the paper covering the seat, you tried your very best to imagine Emily’s voice, her face, the smell of her hair. And you tried not to feel too furious that she wasn’t there. It’s not her fault, you repeated like a mantra.

They took some blood, they asked about running tests to screen for the baby’s health.

“Yes,” you said. “Run all of them.”

“The good news,” the doctor continued, “about these tests is that you also get to find out the gender earlier if that’s something you want.”

You knew you’d need to talk to Emily about it, but part of you didn’t want to know. Emily stubbornly calling the baby he, so sure was she that it was a boy, and you calling the baby she out of pure spite, had become an endearing part of your pregnancy to you. You might just rather be surprised.

“Now for the fun part!” the doctor said, clapping her hands together. “Would you like to try and find the heartbeat?”

Your stomach fluttered with excitement. “Really!? Isn’t it too early?”

“Sometimes we can hear it early with Doppler.”

You nodded vigorously, lifting up your shirt. It was the only time in your life you’d voluntarily had a doctor examine you.

She pressed the device to your lower belly, searching for sound. You waited rapt, barely breathing, so scared were you that you’d miss it.

But then: a whooshing sound and a quick, urgent, pattering heartbeat. Your baby’s heartbeat. You grinned wide.

“That’s her?” you asked, giddy.

The doctor nodded.

You felt like crying, from pure joy, but also because you wished Emily was here. She would be so sad, so sad, to have missed this. But maybe you could bring the heartbeat to her.

You took out your phone. “Can I record this?” you asked. “I want to send it to my wife.”

“Of course,” the doctor said.

You pressed the record button on your Voice Memos, and recorded a good thirty seconds of the baby’s heartbeat, knowing that Emily would listen to it again and again and again.

When you finally left the office, proud of yourself, you hopped in the car and checked your phone. Still nothing. You sent off another text to Emily.

Must be a hard day. ❤️Here’s something to cheer you up! 👶🏻🫀I miss you. Call when you can.

Later that night, as you lay in bed reading, your phone started buzzing. You smiled wide. Emily.

“Good evening, Agent Prentiss,” you joked.

“The heartbeat!” she squealed, so loud you had to hold the phone away from your ear.

You grinned and gushed. “Isn’t it the most beautiful heartbeat you’ve ever heard!?”

“Yes! After yours, of course.”

“Wow, you’re laying it on thick.”

“I’ve got a lot to make up for.” Emily sounded genuinely sad. “Honey, I’m so sorry I wasn’t there.”

“It’s okay,” you said, most of your anger dissipating the moment the words I’m sorry left her mouth.

“It’s not okay. I should’ve been there. You hate going to the doctor, and it’s our baby. It’ll get easier after we tell my team. Then I can take a step back.”

“It’s really okay, Em.”

She sighed, and you could tell there was nothing you could say that would alleviate her guilt. She’d carry it with her until she was home again, until she could scoop you up and hold you and take care of you the way she wanted to.

“Was everything okay? With you and Little Kumquat?”

“Kumquat looks good. Healthy as a horse. I–” You thought about the Pap smear, the taste of metal seeping into your mouth. “I’m okay, too.”

“You’re lying.” Emily’s voice shifted, now deep and concerned. “Y/N, what happened?”

“I’m not lying!” Sometimes you really hated being married to a profiler.

Emily grew more panicked. “Is something wrong? Honey, do I need to come home?”

“No! Em, it’s just…” You sighed, picking at your fingernails. “They had to do a Pap smear.”

The line was quiet for a moment before Emily spoke, her voice thick with emotion. “Oh, honey. Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” you answered, shaky, afraid if you tried to say more you might start crying.

“Y/N, I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I know how hard those are for you.”

You stayed quiet, willing yourself not to cry. Emily felt guilty enough; you crying would make it ten times worse.

“Listen, I’m at a hotel tonight, okay? I’ll have my phone by me all night. I know sometimes you get nightmares after, so just call me if you wake up, okay?”

“Emily, you don’t have to do that,” you said softly. “You need sleep.”

“I won’t sleep one wink if I’m worried about you all night, so promise me you’ll call.”

“Okay. I promise.”

“Thank you. Ugh, Rossi’s waving me over. I gotta go, but I love you so much, and I miss you every second, and I can’t wait to get home to you.” 

“I love you, too.”

You slept with your phone on the pillow next to you that night, and it wasn’t the same as having Emily there, especially when you woke up gasping in a cold sweat. But her voice lulling you back to sleep was pretty close, and you were so, so glad to have her–even from far away.

#emily prentiss #emily prentiss x reader #emily prentiss x fem!reader #emily prentiss drabble #emily prentiss fluff #emily prentiss fanfic #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfic

[gingerbreadmonsters]

gahhhh. im sure it doesn't sound like it most of the time, but wow my degree is so cool and fun 🥰🥰

#yes it is painful sometimes and yes it is lots of hard work and frustration #but like....... isnt it so cool to find out why the world became the way it is #how people in the past were like us and also so totally different #through the right lens human history is both the ultimate tragedy of a self-obsessed power hungry cannibalistic species #and also the greatest funniest soap opera of all time #stories upon stories #i will be very honest with u i was kind of scared when i started that i had chosen the wrong degree #what if its not as fun at uni as it was at school - what if its actually way too difficult and i end up hating it #but ykw?? im so glad i chose this #(for those who may not know i am a history student) #idk man i just wish more people knew how cool and funny history is sometimes #plus the sorts of ways this degree encourages u to think are VERY useful (esp nowadays) #'always question everything' is the motto and wow it is very enlightening to live like this #where has this info come from - can i trust them? why are they telling me this? what do they want? is it even true? how do they know this? #does this info fit with what i already know? why? what do other people say abt this? does this imply something about the wider context here #look me in the eye and tell me thats not the most important ingredient for being online nowadays #(except for block and move on. that one is supreme we all know that) #if u are not so into history i would encourage u to have a little look at some of the cool stories that are there i think u will like them #one of the funny (and very gory) ones that i would recommend is the life and especially death of maximilian robespierre #he was alive during the french revolution in the late 1700s and the way he dies is fucking hilarious when u know whats going on #i have actually talked abt this a lot on discord bc i think its funny - much to the annoyance of everyone else in the server lol #another one from that time is napoleon's coup and the removal to saint-cloud #the power struggles of the GMD and CCP in china in the early-mid 20th century are also v interesting if u like that sort of thing #this has all come about bc i was reading an account today of the marriage of alfonso vi of leon and castile and princess zaida of seville #and wow i have a lot of thoughts about it #theres no way to tell if they were really in love or not and if so how much #but idk something about it is very sweet and very sad to me #she the daughter in law of the muslim king of seville and supposedly falls in love with the christian king alfonso - she converts #to christianity so she can marry him but they are only together for a short time - she dies a few years later in 1093 giving birth to their #son sancho alfonsez (who is killed in 1108 at age 15) and she's buried at alfonso's favourite church (technically an abbey but ykwim)

[bitchimasnake-sss]

"remember that time when-" ft. r.zoro!

ft. zoro x fem!reader

set-up: you're pms-ing and this man is your greatest friend and even greater enemy rn (but you know you love him); drabbles to soothe your delusional soul <3

warnings: none! very wholesome lol

-contrary to popular belief, this man actually knows what periods are (wow, the bare minimum!!!) - when he was younger, he had listened to kuina go on about being a woman and its disadvantages and all and i believe he thought she was talking smack (i mean at the end of the day, "a swordsman is just a swordsman") - so when 15 year old zoro stumbled across a library, he decided to waltz in and just pick up a random biology book to understand female anatomy (it happened one after the other, completely unplanned) - when i tell you his little fifteen year old pea-sized brain was blown away (he learnt way more than he probably should have) - (please i beg u he can read, trust me 😭😭) - but just because he knows its a thing doesn't mean he understands it. so, yeah, he actually does know what it is, he simply does not care - in his logic, he had bled multiple times and still always bounces back so like what's the big deal??? "what's the big deal? it's just blood" he's sipping on a bottle of sake, gulping down its remnants in a single breath when you had complained about cramps one evening "excuse me?" nami is ready to strike him down "i said its just blood" - nami did, infact, then strike him down - post-dating zoro still thinks its no biggie "oi, yn" he's poking your shoulder, "what's wrong?" "cramps" you grumble against the pillow he laughs, "ah, they'll go away, get up and get going now. don't sulk around, you're my fav ketchup packet" "tf did you just say?" "ketchup packet?" - you refused to talk to this man for the next two days - at the end of the second day, he had to write a formal apology (with chopper's help) and speak it out loud before you started entertaining his bullshit again - see the thing is this mf is reserved, superhuman and has an absurdly high pain tolerance so it's hard for him to sympathize exactly - he once caught you crying cause you had seen a mama chimpanzee kiss it's baby chimpanzee and hug it tightly and he will forever bring it up "zoro you remember that time you got lost in dru-" "yn, remember that time, we were passing through a jungle and you saw some chimp-" he ended up getting a sucker punch to the face he deserved it. - but just because words aren't his thing doesn't mean he isn't looking out for you - everytime you're laying there on the bed, unmoving, he'd wordlessly crawl into the bed next to you. he's give you a gentle back massage or start rubbing soothing patterns onto your belly "you want something?" he mumbles slowly, hands skimming softly over your waist - this man would not and i repeat absolutely would not allow you to do any physically demanding work though "hey, let me handle that" "zoro, i am not a child!" "you sure look like one to me." he snickers, "remember the time you saw that mom chimpan-" "zORO FUCK OFF!!" - you need something from the top shelf? he got it. you are helping ussop carry gunpowder from the storage? go sit down, your boyfriend's got it - does it sometime frustrate you? yes - does the crew use this opportunity to make his lazy ass do a fuck lot of chores? also yes - he will still 100% make ketchup jokes (he's gross like that) - but name one man who'll treat you more gently than this bozo, i dare you - it might be something as lame as a period, doesn't mean he woudn't go to the end of the world to make you feel slightly better (even if he teases you about it endlessly)

sanji's part <3 luff's part <3

#one piece #one piece zoro #one piece x reader #roronoa zoro x reader #zoro x reader #roronoa zoro #zoro one piece #op zoro #zoro headcanons #one piece headcanons #monster trio #sanji x reader #luffy x reader

[arlana-likes-to-write]

Hey first of all, thank you for your writing! I enjoy reading your work a lot. I wanted to request an addition to the older sister! Reader AU where the avengers manage to catch a person who used to be a high ranking officer in the red room and has a lot of intel. They specifically requests to see reader. And reader goes in and the person is smug and taunts r about everything she did under dreykov and what dreykov did to r. (Hints to a lot of sexual assult trauma, if you dont mind) and r has gotten used to the taunts, having bward plenty during her red room days. Carol though who was outside in the interrogation room with r’s sisters is livid. She is very protective of r and so she comes inside the room angry. But as the person keeps taunting and saying demeaning stuff about r u still remain unaffected but carol cannot take it. I mean thats the idea I had, you could do whatever u want with it! Thanks again. And sorry for the longg request

Mine to Protect

Family is More Than Blood Masterlist

There things in this story that be triggering of people, please advise the warnings!

Warnings: heavy description of past sexual experiences (usage of handcuffs, voyeurisms, power dynamic, ) implied sexual assault (uses it to taunt the Reader and Carol), original male character uses pet names from the reader, gross dirty talk, past trauma mentioned, self harm, death of an original character, mention of killing, Carol is hella pissed this this and protective.

Relationships: Carol x Reader, Yelena x Natasha x Reader (Platonic), Avengers x reader (platonic)

Word Count: 3.0k

All of your life, you’ve known pain. The pain was physical suffering\ or discomfort. It caused great trouble, and it could be mental or physical. Pain in the Red Room was negative. It was mystery hands that held you down and took whatever they wanted from you. Hours spent at training, at the ballet bar, or forced to kill your fellow Widows because of an order given. You hated pain and all the negative thoughts that came with it.

However, your life changed. It wasn’t contained by the Red Room. You had room to grow, dream, and create the person Dreykov tried to destroy. Now, pain wasn’t always negative. There was pain that morphed into pleasure when Carol bit down on your neck and soothed it with her tongue; a warmth would fill your belly. Sometimes, you went a little too hard as you trained against Steve and felt each punch from the super soldier, but your laughter bounced off the walls. Other times, you brunt your hand when cooking with Wanda or lose an arm wrestling match with Maria. All that pain was good, a reminder that you were free.

You sat outside. The brisk New York fall air filled your lungs. There was an ache in your fingers as you played the guitar. It would take time for callouses to form on your fingers. You heard the door open and close, but it didn’t stop you from humming to the song you were playing. It was Steve, Tony, and Maria. Oh boy. Stopping, you put the guitar beside you and gave the trio your attention. “Why do I smell trouble?” You asked.

“It’s not me,” Tony said, sniffing under his arm. “I showered.” You rolled your eyes at the billionaire.

“Does the name Andrei Lebedev?” You kept your face neutral, but your stomach dropped. That name would forever be in your nightmares.

“Yes, he was part of Dreykov’s second ring. He disappeared when the Red Room fell. He’s been on Melina’s list, but we haven’t been able to locate and deal with him,” you explained.

“Deal with him?” Steve questioned. “So would kill him if you found him?” You huffed in frustration.

“Don’t act all high and mighty, Rogers. These men have power even with the Red Room gone; they are better off dead.” With a vacant spot, there was a fight to be at the top. You and some of the other freed Widows were working on eliminating them before they could gain momentum. You looked at Maria. “What’s going on?” She handed you a file.

“Lebedev was found in New Asgard,” you opened it and saw a mug shot. The man was 6 feet, 5 inches tall. He had striking blue eyes. Unlike the last time you saw him, his dark brown was longer instead of neatly combed. However, a faint beard outlining his jaw gave you the idea that he was going somewhere safe to shave. “He was looking for asylum, but Val thought he was acting odd and brought him in for questioning.”

“Once they learned who he was, Fury had him transferred to us for questioning,” Tony added. You handed back the file.

“What does this have to do with me?” You had a feeling you knew where this was going.

“He won’t talk to anyone, not me, Maria, or Natasha,” Steve said. “He’s asking for you.” Fuck. Of course, he fucking was. God dammit. Why was Wanda away on a mission?

“What do we want from him?” You asked. Killing him would be the easiest solution.

“Fury wants whatever information we can get from him before sending him to the RAFT,” Maria explained. “Will you talk to him?” You sighed, stood up, and grabbed the guitar.

“Let’s get this over with.”

*

Sometimes you used pain to punish yourself. Your time at the tower was perfect. Self-inflected pain was the best tool you used to remind yourself of the past. Of the blood you shed and the countless lives ended by your hand.

On the other hand, pain helped ground you. A pinch of the skin on your thigh, biting down on your lip, or fingernails digging into your palm. Anything to help you stay present, preventing your mind from slipping away.

You stared at the door that separated you from him, nails digging into your palm. Your sisters and Carol will be watching. There was no fighting them on that. Sighing, you opened the door. “My malen’kiy pauk (little spider),” it had been a long time since you’ve heard someone call you that name. You closed the door. Immediately, pulling the chair away from the table to sit down. “I’ve missed you so much,” he continued. “But our last meeting was a little different,” he moved his handcuffed hands onto the table. The clash of metal echoed in the quiet room. “If I remember correctly, you were the one handcuffed. No matter to me,” he leaned forward. “I do love a change in a power dynamic.”

You crossed your arms against your chest, placed your right leg over your left, and leaned back into the chair. You remembered that day. Andrei Lebedev was part of Dreykov’s second circle or the vtoroy. These men were trusted as handlers and could leave the Red Room on missions or requests from Dreykov or his inner circle. But they were still seen as less than. They aimed to become part of the pervyy, the men closest to Dreykov. Although Dreykov was the face of the Red Room, it was impossible to run it without help. These men had the same amount of power as him; their word was God because you knew Dreykov knew about the order. A majority of the members of the party were killed in the Red Room explosion. The men you were after were part of the vtoroy. If the Red Room remained, Andrei would be part of the pervyy. He was a cable solider, a little hot-headed, but Dreykov would have crushed that spirit into submission. As a mission success, the pervyy granted Andrei’s request: a night with you. It wasn’t the only time you laid underneath this main.

“Being an Avenger looks good on you, kotenok (kitten). It fills you out nicely,” he groaned, licking his lips. “I bet you taste just as sweet. Do you want to be a good girl again? Just for me.” Still, you remained unfazed, face neutral. Men like this loved to talk, to inflate their ego with their sexual conquests. With time, he would reveal everything.

“I think about our time together a lot,” he smiled. “Your moans were music to my ears. They helped me through many lonely nights.” Lonely nights? The phrase stuck out to you for some reason. How many nights was he truly alone? He was freshly shaved and showered; you figured Val wouldn’t give him time alone to do all these things before locking him up. The man disappeared without a trace once the Red Room fell. Not even Melina, with her contacts, could find him. Andrei was bright but needed to be more smart to avoid capture. Who was helping him?

“Come on, baby,” he whined, mimicking a child throwing a tantrum. “Let me hear that voice again. You were very talkative when we last saw each other. I miss it,” his fingers tapped against the table. “Tell me, pretty, can anyone make you cum like I can?”

No one could see how your nails dug into your bicep, nails so sharp you knew it would pierce your skin. Pain. It grounded you, saved you from slipping into memories of that night, and kept your face stoic when all you wanted to do was scream.

*

As Carol recognized the true strength of her powers, she practiced keeping her emotions in check. Anger was powerful. Her rage could bring down skyscrapers, collapse entire planets, and turn the milky way into chaos if she wasn’t careful. Through her space travels, she witnessed horrible injustices that boiled her blood, ground her teeth, and left her fuming. Still, she kept her anger in check. However, she was struggling. The way this pig spoke to you was disgusting and vile, and you were just taking it. The only time Carol saw you move was when you first entered the room. She wasn’t sure if you were still breathing.

Unlike you, Natasha couldn’t stop pacing. She would get to one side of the viewing room, turn around, and repeat the process. Not even Maria could get her to stop; Carol believed it had to do with Natasha still being upset with her girlfriend. The youngest of the trio was quiet, playing with the ring all three of you shared. A quiet Yelena was never good, in Carol’s opinion. She saw the blonde tense up every time the man said something about her sister. Andrei laughed. “Why don’t you undo these cuffs? We can put on a show one more time before the cart me away. If I remember correctly, zaychonok (bunny), you loved having an audience,” he groaned, eyes rolling in the back of his head. “My little slut. It got you so wet.”

“I’m gonna kill him,” Carol mumbled. All she saw was red. Unlike before, no one was there to protect you; no one was there to tell him to stop. But she was here now. You were hers to protect. She felt her powers itching at the palm of her hands, begging to let loose. It was getting harder to control it, this anger growing inside her. She knew he was still taunting you; maybe she heard Natasha or Maria’s voice, but it was becoming white noise. All of it was pointless besides one singular thought. “I’m gonna fucking kill him.” To her surprise, no one stopped her when she left the room.

*

The door busting open startled you. The hinges barely had enough strength to keep it upright as your girlfriend entered the interrogation room, eyes glowing. Andrei was pulled to his feet and pinned to the wall by her forearm. You saw her entire body shaky. “Oh, is this the pet’s new master,” he teased. There was a shake in his voice as Carol was cutting off air into his lungs. “Tell me, do you pass her around like her old master, or do you keep her to yourself?”

“If you say one more word,” she hissed. “I will crush your windpipe.” You stood up, barely making a sound, but Andrei saw you.

“Oh, this is your lover, isn’t it?” He laughed, gasping slightly. “I’m jealous,” he taunted. “She is a gem—a queen among women. Tell me,” he whispered. “Can you make her scream like I can?”

“I won’t hesitate to paint this wall red with your blood,” you wanted her to do it so this nightmare could end. But it wasn’t the mission. “You can’t hurt her,” Carol continued, putting more pressure on his neck. The man gasped. “She is mine to protect, and I will kill all of you if I have to to keep her safe.” The man smiled, and for the first time entering this room, a chill went down your spine.

“Oh, you think with her living with Earth’s mightiest heroes, she’ll be safe; you are wrong.” Got him. It only took Carol intervening, but he was ready to talk. Gently, you placed a hand on Carol’s shoulder. Her eyes flickered to you.

“It’s okay,” you forced a smile. “Let him go.” You saw the internal debate happen in her eyes. Soon, she released him and threw him back into the chair.

“Power dynamic,” he said, rubbing his throat. A bruise was already forming. “I guess I was wrong about you two.” You sighed and sat down, this time closer to the table. Carol closed the door but stayed in the room, standing in the corner. Your arms were still crossed, and your nails again found the indent in your arm. “You got yourself an impressive guard dog over there. She needs a lesson in obedience.”

“I don’t own her, and she doesn’t own me,” you said. “Who helped you avoid detection after all this time?” He gasped.

“I’m offended you don’t think I could do it alone.”

“You aren’t smart enough, Lebedev,” you deadpanned. “So give me names, or my guard dog will attack.” His eyes glanced at Carol in the corner, and you saw him gulp in fear. Instead of talking, he leaned forward, faces inches apart, and you could feel his breath on your skin. A sharp pinch of your skin kept you present.

“Answer me this, kotenok (kitten). Do you feel safe here?”

“Is that a threat?” You countered.

“Merely a question,” he said. “Do you feel safe here with your sisters close by, Captain America as an ally, and Tony Stark’s super fancy AI keeping watch?” He slammed his hands down, but the sound didn’t scare you. Your nails dug deeper. “Do you feel safe?” He asked again. “Because Oriel Sergeev wasn’t the only person upset when the Red Room fell from the sky.” Oriel Sergeev? He was the man who created that ‘fun’ room.

“Who is helping you?” You asked again. He shrugged his shoulders and leaned back in the chair.

“I don’t kiss and tell; you should know that. The Red Room provided stability, a balance, and you and those cunts you call sisters broke it,” your jaw clenched. He huffed out a laugh at your reaction. “It’s only a matter of time before bad girls like you get punished.”

*

You watched Maria and a few other agents lead Andrei to transport. A body collided with you that almost sent you falling to the ground, but Carol’s arm kept you upright. It was Yelena. Her jasmine scent perfume invaded your senses, grounding you further. “Ugh,” you groaned. “I hated that. I hated the way he talked to you.” You chuckled, kissing the top of her head.

“You aren’t the only one,” Natasha said, and you looked past Yelena as the redhead joined the small group. “Carol beat me to it. I was about to go in there and kick his ass.” You heard Carol laugh behind you, kissing the side of your head. “Are you okay?”

“I’m,” you stopped before you lied to them. “No, but I will be,” you sighed, ending the hug with Yelena. “I think I need a shower, then I’ll start feeling better.”

“Do you want me to join you?” Carol asked. You shook your head.

“I just need a moment by myself,” you smiled. “I’ll be okay, I promise.” As you turned to walk back to your room, Yelena grabbed your hand. Spinning you back around and flipping your arm to show everyone the cut on your arm.

“Your bleeding,” she said, and you pulled your arm back.

“It’s nothing, and it will heal by the time I get in the shower,” you saw the unasked questions from all three of them. “I needed to ground myself when I was in there with him. That’s all. I promise I’m okay, and I’ll come to you guys if I need anything.”

*

A towel was tightly secured around your body as you stepped out of the bathroom. You hated the way his words crawled underneath your skin. No matter how frequently you scrubbed your skin raw, you felt his hands on you. There was a part of you that wanted to track down his escort van and kill him, to watch his blood stain the pavement. Or maybe have Melina take care of it. But you knew if one of the Widows took the job, it would get traced back to you. Still wet from the shower, you sat on your bed and picked up your phone. The number you dialed wasn’t saved in your phone. It was a number you had memorized as Widows kept giving it to you. She answered on the second ring. “My favorite Black Widow,” she said. “What do I owe the pleasure? Have you considered my offer?” You sighed.

“No, Valentina, I’m still not joining your team. I need a favor.” You were speaking as you could hear cars driving by.

“I’m not a charity, darling. Favors will cost you/” You nodded.

“I know, and I’m willing to pay for it,” you stood up and walked into your closet. “I need to put on a hit. His name is Andrei Lebedev. He is currently in SHIELD custody and on his way to the RAFT. I need it done without using any of the Widows you have employed, and not a single agent hurt.” Valentina laughed.

“You are making a lot of demands for someone not in charge,” you dropped the towel and changed into a pair of sweatpants and a tank top.

“I always repay my debts, you know this?” This wasn’t the first time you’ve asked a favor from her. Her contacts ran deeper than Melina’s, and in this world, information was valuable. But you knew she would do it and come back to you when she needed something. The Widows that worked for her always told you what they did. You had enough dirt to bury the director, but it would hurt your fellow Widows.

“This will cost you, but I’ll get it done.”

“Thank you.”

“Aw, don’t go getting soft on me,” you rolled your eyes. “My offer is always on the table for you. That will never expire,” you huffed.

“Bye, Valentina.” You hung up the phone before she could respond. You refused to join her every time she asked, even when she proclaimed how much money you could make with your skill set. You feared it would be impossible to say no to her one day.

Two days passed when Maria announced that Andrei Lebedev was killed; no agents were hurt in the ambush. The agent’s eyes never left yours when she told everyone the news. Maybe it was bad you didn’t care if she believed you or not when you claimed you had no part in his death—effortlessly passing blame to whoever helped him. His death was one you never lost sleep over. Like you told Steve, these men were better off dead.

#family is more than blood au #carol danvers x reader #carol danvers x you #carol danvers x y/n #black widow sisters #yelena belova x natasha romanoff x reader #yelena belova x reader #natasha romanoff x reader

[ystrike1]

To You Who Swallowed A Star - By ARI (8.5/10)

Being beautiful and special is great, but it's not enough. You need to work hard too, and establishing healthy boundaries is extra hard when you have to deal with controlling relatives. Our underdog protagonist is actually a modern princess, and the actual underdog is some random scruffy boy she takes in out of pity. It's toxic. It's wrong. The main couple only gets their happy end after alot of pain, gain and growth.

***Immediate warning here. Do not read this series if grooming is an issue for you at all. There is a five year age gap with the main couple. It is unavoidable. It is pretty bad. The older party takes responsibility, and she distances herself when she notices the relationship in question is getting toxic. "I didn’t groom him on purpose!!!!" is not an excuse in any way, and nothing remotely sensual happens in this webtoon between characters that are not legal adults.***

It begins with a messy divorce. A rich mommas boy starts to abuse his aging wife, even though there's a young daughter in the mix. The wife decides to step up and be a mom. She grows a backbone, and she leaves her sparkling mansion behind in the middle of the night with her only child. She vows to forgot all frivolity. She'll never marry again. She will support herself and her daughter will learn to do the same.

Romance and money are not to be trusted.

Jiu learns this lesson very early in life.

Her mother (left) reached out to a wealthy friend after she ran from her husband. Said friend is a CEO (right), who agreed to support her downtrodden friend and her daughter until they had enough money to live. This led to a strange cohabitation situation. Two women living together with their two children, who were automatically raised like siblings.

Rin is Jiu's best and only friend, and her first crush. Frankly, she's doomed. He's handsome, nice and he cares for her.

His jealous streak is his only issue.

He steals her things when she shows interest in hobbies that aren't him. Jiu kind of becomes a doormat. Her mother is a strict force in her life. Her mother wants her to be a career woman first. Everything else is secondary. Rin is her only solace, and he really doesn't seem all that bad.

He just gets jealous sometimes.

Jiu meets Hajun and Hayul after she moves out of Rin's mansion. Her mother makes her live in a tiny studio apartment, while she runs an unsuccessful restaurant business day and night. Jiu thinks it's a little unfair. Auntie and Rin are totally willing to take care of them!!!Auntie doesn't have a lot of real friends as a female CEO, and Rin misses her! He was used to seeing her every day!!! Boohoo!

Rin starts to resort to childish tactics, to force Jiu to pay attention to him. Now that he doesn't have access to her all the time he's frustrated. He does weird things to make her come when called.

Like a dog.

Jiu doesn't notice how weird Rin is.

You see, she meets two children. Yes, Hayul and Hajun are children. She is sixteen. They're not in high school. Hayul, the girl, gets extremely attached to her when she is shown a single scrap of kindness. Jiu gets suspicious and sadly she is right. The twins are both horribly neglected...and they live right near her apartment. Jiu makes rice for them, because nobody ever helped her when her father was beating her mother in that awful mansion. Hayul is 10 and Hajun is 11. It's a very tense situation. Jiu is actually injured by their abuser at one point. The grandmother in charge of caring for the twins is absent-minded, and she refuses to see that her son is a piece of trash.

Jiu....gets dragged in. It's too similar. It hurts. Her rich and powerful grandmother enabled her father. He was never punished for beating her mother, or neglecting his child.

Her.

Jiu continues to step in, until she's basically their mother at 16.

She even attends Hajun's high school entrance ceremony. She wants to give them what she didn’t have.

Things seem to be going great. Bomi the bully character becomes Jiu's first real female best friend. Bomi is realistic and grounded. She thinks Jiu's kind heart comes from a dark past. It's weird to watch a teenager care for a pair of preteens (especially when they're not related). As soon as Jiu turns eighteen Bomi tries to set boundaries. She starts calling Hayul amd Hajun "the high school students". She's not trying to be cruel. She just needs Jiu to focus, because they're business partners. Jiu and Bomi both want to be fashion designers. It's a crazy competitive field and nepotism is nuts in Korea. Jiu can't baby two teenagers at the same time.

Bomi really respects her and her kindness, but then Hayul and Hajun start demanding more of her time.

Time she should be spending on her portfolio, because she needs to get into a good college.

Oh yeah Rin is in the background too plotting to make her a happy stay at home housewife.

She's in love with him.

They start dating.

Bomi was a gentle warning.

Rin is a real reality check. He's not a friend. He's a boyfriend. He expects more of her time and love. He tells her to choose. The clingy twins or him? Her handsome and rich childhood crush. The choice seems so obvious.

Jiu throws herself into her "Newtube" fashion video hobby to distract herself from that hard choice.

Rin is the perfect boyfriend. He supports her career decision (as long as it ends in marriage with him). He likes her friends (as long as they're not male). He calls her beautiful and perfect and he doesn't think of her as lesser. Actually he thinks she's special. Not Like Other Girls, in fact. He treats her as such. He stops playing around with women as soon as she says yes, and he doesn’t falter.

(Would you really be comfortable dating a guy that treats women like greedy s****? Even if he treats you "differently"? It's a very hard question, and this webtoon asks it. Jiu even befriends a women who likes Rin, because she doesn't actually like Rin. Just his money. The woman warns Jiu. If she's looking for real love Rin's not the right guy, because he's just another demanding rich boy under his looks. Jiu doesn't listen.)

They stay a couple for a while, while Hajun learns what jealousy feels like.

Hajun puts on some makeup, and suddenly he's got the chance to be somebody. Jiu does his makeup for her channel, and it blows up. A company emails him.

They want him to appear on a rookie idol show.

Hajun initially isn't interested. Jiu pushes him. She wants him to be more independent. He has to find a dream. He can't just eat her rice forever. She's got a boyfriend. He can't be her priority forever. Jiu even gets a part time job so she can secretly pay for his singing lessons. She lies and says the studio is doing it.

She paves the path to his success. It kinda feels like she's trying to get rid of him sometimes. She wants to fix the damage she caused by spoiling him.

Hajun starts at rock bottom. He's got NO chance with his crush. First things first he's a teenager and she's in her twenties at this point.....but also....

Hajun has nothing but his pretty face.

He offers to work for Jiu's fashion company when it opens up, but that's just an excuse to cling to her, so she rejects him.

She's setting boundaries, because Bomi and her boyfriend are influencing her.

Hajun, at least, wants to become someone she is proud of. He can't sing. He can't dance, but he goes to every single lesson. He becomes a star because he never stops. He hates Rin. He hates himself for comparing himself to Rin. A rich boy with everything he wasn't born with...

He works himself to the bone, to escape from those feelings.

He gets there.

He wins the rookie idol talent show. He wins a huge cash prize. He can buy an apartment for his little sister, and that's only the beginning.

The spell breaks for Jiu.

She breaks up with Rin, when a concerned friend sends her a message. You see, Fashion College is expensive. Rin's mom was going to pay for it. Rin went behind her back to convince his mom to rescind her generous offer, so Rin could easily coerce Jiu into marriage.

Jiu completely snaps, and she notices how wrong her relationship with Hayul and Hajun is too. Especially when it comes to Hajun. Hayul is just obsessed because she never had a mom. Hajun....loves her. Or he admires her to an unhealthy extent. She notices that the boy she's been coddling like a princess is actually about to become a grown man.

She crushes his heart.

She berates him.

She insults him, and she runs away.

All because she wants him to pursue his own success. That's 100000x more important than clinging to her.

She knows it's the right thing to do.

The truth has so many awful layers.

Hajun ruined her relationship with Rin. He was always there. He interrupted their dates. He showed up at her house constantly during the idol show shooting. He actually got caught in a scandal, when he visited her in the middle of the night just to eat chicken. He was a negative force in her life, and she didn’t even notice because they get along so well. A good relationship can be a bad one if it ruins other parts of your life.

Hajun has been texting her daily for years. That made Rin uncomfortable, and it's partly why Rin became more demanding about marriage. He used Hajun's strange behavior to manipulate her.

It's all a mess!!!!

She decides to go to her grandmother.

Her grandmother says she can have a tuition loan, as long as she agrees to give it back. Also she must date a man the family approves of.

Jiu agrees. She was a princess all along. There's no use denying it because of the abuse she experienced. She accepts the terms to escape from both Rin and Hajun.

They both come back with a vengeance.

There's a five year time skip.

Jiu successfully cut Hajun out of her life....but not Hayul. Hayul is just needy. Her feelings were never romantic, so Jiu stayed in contact with her.

That was a huge mistake.

Hayul uses Jiu's precarious financial situation against her. Yup. Hajun is a rich idol now. Hayul says they have sooooo many extra rooms. Jiu has to pay her grandmother back. Her other choice is living in a moldy slum, so she says yes.

Hajun hides his love for her, so she won't leave him again.

They start living together, like a family, again.

Rin uses his status as a Rich Boy to get on the Eligible Bachelor list Jiu's horrible grandmother is cooking up. He makes said hag believe he's already dating Jiu, and then an arc of horror begins. Jiu is just trying to open her clothing store, but everywhere she turns there is yet another toxic relationship.

Hajun becomes bearable.

Rin does not.

Remember the grooming thing?????? Yeah. That.

Rin tries to use that to force her to marry him.

Yeah.

Jiu funded the beginning of Hajun's idol career, and he even lived with her for a while. I'm not kidding Rin actually considered releasing grooming accusation articles with pictures to the press.

Jiu tells him she will never love him.

He gives up finally because Jiu doesn't care if her life is ruined. She will never trust the man who tried to tear her career away from her.

Hajun wins her heart by being reasonably nice through all the weirdness. He is jealous of other men, but he never tells Jiu to shut up and stay in the kitchen.

Hajun lightens up a little, but you never forget that he's a bit loopy. Only loving one woman is rare enough...but the woman that was also your mom and financial backer????? Yikes. I'm very glad they waited 3 more years to get married, after they became a more normal couple.

#yandere #male yandere #yandere male #yandere boy #recommendations #recs #rec #recommended #webtoon #To You Who Swallowed A Star

[homesweetgoodneighbor]

As the holidays speed towards us like a bullet train, here are more ways to support/survive the fiber artist in your life. (You might as well print and save these, because we fiber artists will never learn our lesson.):

DO:

Make them stop each day before they hurt themselves. @gootspatrol made mention of this in a comment and I added it to a reblog, but I want to say it again because it is fucking IMPORTANT. All fiber arts are pretty much repetitive stress injuries waiting to happen. People think our crafts are easy peasy and have no clue that even "easy" things can also injure a body if done too much for too long. Do not work through the pain, folks. It absolutely will come back to haunt you.

Tell them to step back and work on another project if they are getting frustrated with the one they are currently working. I promise you we ALL have multiple projects going. Sometimes a project is just being fucking argumentative, and the situation devolves into such cussing and threats that anyone overhearing will be sure you live with a serial killer. Putting it down and doing another for a while, or at least until that one also becomes the bane of our existence, always helps.

Remind them their bladder exists and isn't meant to be ignored. Yes, I know that sounds silly, but many fiber artists already have ADHD, and we are notorious for ignoring bodily processes. Forgettingto eat is one thing, but much as we'd love to, we can't will our bladders to go away.

From time to time gush at how amazing their project is looking. Your fiber artist will always invariably say "It sucks sweaty donkey balls. I want to set fire to it, but I spent too much damn money on it." Ignore that. They say that because none of us can take compliments. Inside we are squeeing that you noticed. (Note: Be genuine or say nothing at all. We can sense false praise faster than a cat can hear the canned food being opened.)

Be a buffer towards those who do not understand. Tell those who dismiss your loved one's work as anything other than "hard work filled with love" to fuck all the way off. Do feel free to be creative when doing so. You will immediately be a super hero and probably prevent that other person from having their brains ripped out through their nostril by a crochet hook.

DON'T:

Laugh when we say "Next year I will start earlier/make less/buy gift cards instead." Yes, we know we are just kidding ourselves and living in denial. It's a design flaw in a fiber artist's nature. Just hug us and move on.

Have a calendar counting down the days to the holiday they are working towards. Do not even mention time. Doing so will send them spiraling into an almost barbaric berserker frenzy. They will become the whirling dervish of the cartoon Tasmanian devil with fiber and notions being flung about. There is high probability you will be sucked into it and put to work. Unless you feel up to being conscripted into detangling a ramen noodle pile of yarn, sorting thread, or being used as a dress form dummy every ten minutes, just keep your mouth shut.

Play the "Let's mess up their counting by nonchalantly telling a story of our ancestor in 1583 who had 5 goats and worked 50 hours a week and made 100 clocks that told 20 different times..." Look, fiber artists are willing to do something that is so repetitive as to be injurous. Do you think a few more of such actions to turn you into a tasteful decoration will discourage them? Remember: we work with fiber, and a noose is nothing but a bunch of fibers twisted together and tied into a neat knot. Don't fuck with us.

Love y'all! Please take care of yourselves! Be safe and I hope to see lots of pics of finished projects!

#fiber arts #fiber crafts #crochet #knitting #embroidery #sewing #hand sewing #weaving

[mx-pastelwriting]

HP - Having a family with you.

HP x GN! Reader

Summary: Having a family with you.

Warnings: Fluff, Established a Relationship

Characters: Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Rubeus Hagrid, Lucius Malfoy

Severus Snape

- He would be a very caring father, though a bit stern if the children misbehaved; he would take leave when the school year came around to take care of you and the new baby.

- Definitely would panic if every time your child would cry, seeing what was wrong, he moved quickly to feed or change them.

- Teething would be hell for him knowing his child was in pain, and all he could do was rock them to sleep, hoping they felt better when they woke.

- Would buy a new house even if it meant his child would live a safer and better life, but if he didn't want to, he would have his house remodeled in some places and baby proofed.

- When they grow up and are in their first year at Hogwarts, he will still teach, making sure his child is taken care of under Hogwarts roof and not wanting his school days to happen to his child. Being a proud father no matter what the sorting hat puts them in.

Severus settled your baby into its high chair as you watched from the kitchen, making your own breakfast while he fed them. He set the bowl down in front of the baby, quickly them trying to throw it from the table, but got frustrated when it did not budge thanks to his dad's spell. Your baby gave his own dad the death stare, laughing, you watched as he gave it right back before smiling to himself.

-

Remus Lupin

- He would be on his knees at the news; yes, he was beyond happy, but fear filled him, thinking his child would end up going through the pain of turning into a wolf every month. Even if you couldn't have children, you worked with him to find a spell that took you through the dark arts.

- The baby being born, he watched the baby every second it was breathing, waiting for something, but nothing ever did. To his relief and comfort, his fear was calmed by the knowledge that it wasn't inherited through genetics.

- He spent almost every waking moment in bliss watching your child grow, learning to laugh with his smile; it made your heart swell seeing him take every moment to help you even when you wanted to have some time with your baby, he was always offering to take them.

- Would move somewhere where he knew it would be safe for them and him to live. When the full moon came, you made up a story about how he had business to go on. Only for him to go miles away to lock himself up. When the day came to tell them whatever their reaction was, he comforted them, telling them how he wondered if they would be just like him. They had their own time to talk that day.

- When it came time for them to go to Hogwarts, he kissed them with tears running down his cheeks, but he was quickly reminded they'd be back soon. Lots of tears were shed watching your baby go off with the train.

The first time since you had your child, you were alone with Remus, You said that very thoughtful thing, and he looked up with a sad look, then one of realization. "What do you think we should give them a sibling?" you asked with a smirk as big as the moon. He smiles, "Now that is a good idea," he whispers into your ear before heading off upstairs as the sun sets.

-

Rubeus Hagrid

- Would be a bear dad, warm and snugly, but would be ready to protect his family if anything or anyone got to them.

- Always having a baby sling on him, warming the baby as they slept, you relaxed most days as he took care of them. Sometimes it would be hard to get your own time with the baby.

- They grew up always hanging off him or being held; he would never grow out of it, loving his little bear cub. Working as the Hogwarts gatekeeper, he begged Dumbledore that his family also live with him so that he would not be away from them for long.

- Every night he tucked them in with a story of what he had seen through his day of working at Hogwarts. He didn't bring home animals as much as he had before, and even when he did, they would be ones with no chance of hurting his own.

- When the day came for his own to go to Hogwarts, he told them that if anything happened, he would be around to help. Excitement was all he could feel seeing what house they ended up being in, giving them a kiss on the head before going off to their dorm.

You hugged Hagrid as he shed some tears at the fact your little bear cub wasn't to be tucked in—not until summer anyway. Getting into bed, you cuddled into his warm body, his sniffles had quieted till then, but a knock came before you both fell into sleep. Hagrid jumps from the bed, opening the door, letting you see the head of house behind your little one looking sad.

Hagrid didn't even listen to what they said happened, just scooped them up, closed the door before bringing them to bed, and let them snuggle up with you.

-

Lucius Malfoy (Draco doesn't exist)

- Being himself, he didn't show much love, but you knew he was sometimes shy about telling them how much he loved them.

- Even telling him that his love for them means everything, he gives more hugs and shows more love in front of you. Feeding them was his favorite time, as you could tell by how he smiled and how his eyes lit up.

- Holding them around the house, he would have them in his office with him as he worked, talking to them even if they couldn't even stand. Watching him build a crib so your little one could be more comfortable in his office, then fill it with stuffed toys,

- As they grew, they followed him around, sometimes hanging off of him, but he didn't mind, even in public. He would tell them not to touch or run in the house or the shops they went to, but if they did, he would do anything in his power to fix it.

- When sorting came, he would be happy with any news of the house but would be even happier if they were sorted into Slytherin, of course.

Getting the news from the owl, you sat down with Lucius at the breakfast table, handing him the letter before digging into your food. He read it with a growing smile on his face. Watching as he puts the letter down, you lock eyes with him before smiling back. "They couldn't have made me happier," he said, looking back down at the letter.

-

Hello, I hope you enjoyed if there is and grammar mistakes or misspellings sorry about that feel free to let me know in the comments, have a great day/afternoon/night!

#severus snape x reader #severus snape x y/n #severus snape x you #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin x you #rubeus hagrid x you #rubeus hagrid x y/n #rubeus hagrid x reader #lucius malfoy x reader #lucius malfoy x you #lucius malfoy x y/n

[arxxq]

Hi! Can I request for headcanon with the Itoshi brothers, nagi or chigiri which they are teaching their children football? Thank you!

𝐏𝐀𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌 𝐓𝐎 𝐘𝐎𝐔❦︎

╰┈➤ ❝ [let me pass down my dream to you alright?] ❞

Headcanons for:

Itoshi Brothers (seperately), nagi seishiro, chigiri hyoma,

Sorry if it's not what you asked for. I'm still new to request...

Itoshi Rin

When he found out his daughter was interested, you swore you saw stars sparkling in his eyes

So when they got started you must say rin was quite rough on her but yet he was careful

To think rin would be a good coach was surprising

You were happy for rin though...I mean since he lost the opportunity to share a dream at least he gets to past it down

But what you don't like is when the two of them won't catch a break

Almost everytime you tell them to rest both of them would say "not now, we're still training love/mom" or "wait we still have to perfect our goals,"

It annoys you alot but you can't really say anything as it seems like your daughter inherit her dad's stubbornness

I swear everytime they train it just gets more stressful for you to watch and wait

Rin teaching her was practically not even beginner stuff, like for example he would try to get her do one of the hardest tricks

And the older your daughter gets, the more she becomes like her father

Istg I think the thing that frustrated you the most was when rin told her to disguise as a boy to play in the national teams..

"(Daughter name) you should disguise as a male and then we can put an effort—"

"WHAT NO RIN LOVE NO!"

"what a brilliant idea dad!"

That wasn't the only thing that frustrated you...Another was when rin told her that he'll try to get in contact with his ex mentor for her...

"(daughter name) what about I get help from my ex mentor?"

"ooh you mean that ego guy?"

"yes exactly that could work,"

"rin my love..I don't want our daughter to be stuck in a football jail and having you train her is enough..."

"but I did, what's wrong with our daughter doing the same thing?"

Yep you're happy yet frustrated with dealing with both your daughter and your husband...most of the time

But of course you love them, just have a struggle in putting up to them

Nagi Seishiro

Nagi played football because of reo bringing him in, so that's when he decided to get his son to do the same thing

So when they first started, I think nagi had a hard time to convince his son

After all his son is exactly like him (nagi 2.0 youd like to say)

But after your son took a lot of consideration it kinda worked.

Although most of the time when nagi teaches him, he gets tired himself

And guess who takes over? Yep reo. Reo stops by to help sometimes

His son calls it unfair tho knowing he can't take a break but his father can

But most of the time, it's nice to see them bonding! Cause it's quite rare

"c'mon you two we have more to do!"

"I agree with reo on this one, you can't just lay down there and play games!"

"huh why not, dad and I are tired.."

"mm yeah..just let us have a break.."

Itoshi Sae

Okay sae and his son, are both very blunt people

So when you heard your son in the bluntess way possible ask his dad to teach him to play football

Both you and sae weren't expecting it. Your jaw dropped.

I mean if your son is going to play football now..just imagine how much pain you will deal with both sae and him

Now don't get me wrong, you love how sae is willing to teach him

But you know the training isn't going be harsh

But what surprises you is that your son doesn't complain and just told you the way sae trains him is right

But you're honestly happy because you don't really see your son bonding with your husband alot since he's mostly overseas

But when sae does get back, the two end up practicing. You wonder how they managed to have so much energy.

"okay let's try to perfect your dribbling next"

"Sae Mon amour.. that's enough it's been 2 hours and half,"

"I'm sorry mi vida but it's not up to you..what do you think (s/n)?"

"let's just get this over with,"

Yep..most of the time your soul almost does end up getting out of your body...

Chigiri Hyoma

Chigiri having twins? One girl and one boy? And both of them ended up asking him to teach them to play football

Let's just say he was surprised

You weren't...it was you to blame since you showed them how their father plays on the field

But chigiri does end up teaching both of them

It's sweet how chigiri trains them,he's not really hard on the two, just a little bit hard but yeah

He mostly tells them to focus on their speed...

He does teach them dribbling as well as others but not that much, he doesn't want to give them pressure

He also shown them a few tricks just to entertain them at first but did end up teaching them

And when they do take a break or just end their session, the kids would whine but somehow he manage to convince them

"alright its getting late now so we'll end it here okay?"

"but we'll still train tommorow right?!"

"yeah we are right?!"

"well you're father is quite busy so if he does have the time he might?"

"oh not to worry darling, I'll be sure to find the time"

Reblogs are highly appreciated

Do not claim as your own

(my ask box is free to be spammed, request are excepted but might be shortly delayed as I have other works to finish)

#·˚ ༘₊· ͟͟͞͞꒰➳aryssa;hasinah #blue lock #blue lock x reader #bllk x reader #bllk #itoshi sae #itoshi rin #itoshi rin x reader #itoshi sae x reader #nagi seishiro #seishiro nagi x reader #chigiri hyoma #chigiri hyoma x reader

[krashoutluv]

What are your thoughts on Jason from Three Jokers?

particularly for me, his emotional dependence is so big just because he confused things with the Barbara

3 JOKERS SPOILERS !

tldr; i ramble a little abt how i hate modern Jason fucking Todd and highlight how much justice this comic did for him

and how modern writers are just trying to turn him into a batfam insert of deadpool

Yes! I dont think Jason had 100% feelings for Babs, like he said, he thought it could work. It definitely came from a moment of weakness/vulnerability, its often that Jason doesn’t get cared for too often, not in the way he needs. So when Babs let out a hand for him, it hit him HARD. Especially with just being traumatized by the last two jokers, I think its pretty obvious he doesn’t need someone to clean up/watch after him but like need someone to generally emotionally guide him.

my personal pet peeve with most modern Jason Todd canon ships is the laziness of it(b4 i get criticized i think ANY ship with ANY CHARACTERS can be good as long as the writings GOOD and makes SENSE) . GOD NO- i dont ship jason and babs, but they still put an odd amount of effort into it, to at the very least actually flesh out their characters.

Jason doesn’t need a character that fixes his mistakes when he’s overly impulsive, or babies him, or fixes his mistakes with a veil of ‘Your so dumb but i secretly care about you!‘ because then it leads to most of lazy writing where he does something stupid but his gf is here to fix it! so its ok! NO!! HES NOT LEARNING ANYTHING!! YOURE MAKING HIM LOOK STUPID AND MENTALLY BRAIN DEAD!! anyways sorry.

Jason needs someone to break him out of his cycle of impulsiveness and self-destruction, not have him indulge in it.Jason needs to go fucking soul-searching or something im so tired of his ass— REALISTICALLY I COULDN’T DATE COMIC!JASON IF HE DIDNT CHANGE,, HE WOULD FRUSTRATE ME RLLY BAD.

ahem. anyways. I think Jasons note shows a lot about his character and something that the modern writers ignore a lot. Jason CAN change, he just needs a reason, a solid reason to. He doesn’t have to put down his code, or the guns, he just needs someone solid to really make him think about himself. “All I need is one chance to you I can be better. And I will devote my life to making you proud. Happy. Loved.” WHERE IS THIS SWEETHEART RN?? I SWEAR EVERY OTHER WRITER IS MAKING HIM A EMO FUCK-BOY WHOS BRAIN MATTER GOT SUCKED OUT THROUGH HIS COCK?? ahem sorry.

I really love how much DC actually puts details into Jason in this comic. Ex. Jasons helmets abilities being highlighted, “Helmets registering multiple security doors opening across the facility.” OR him saying the chronic pain management book was helpful. SORRY— I REALLY ENJOY DETAILS LIKE THIS. It just makes Jasons technical skill and such more obvious then whats normally stated. Also Jason tracking sea water off a wrench to the Aquarium— where is this skill in more modern comics?? I swear they make Jason a braindead wannabe deadpool sometimes i swear to fucking god. Also him shooting the shark tank so it eats Gaggy— I DIE FOR DETAILS LIKE THIS.

They don’t even get rid of his humor in 3 jokers either, he still has a really well displayed personality and his banter with Batman is really bearable for once, it makes sense and its well written. I slightly dislike how hard Babs is being on Jason but i’m not 100% sure what Babs is like. I haven’t read comics centered around her, so I don’t mind it. Also dont mistake this for me disliking babs for rejecting Jay— thats not what i mean at all. Just her constantly saying how he’s a criminal and focusing on getting him in prison like he’s an opp was confusing 2 me..

anyways stop trying to turn red hood into the batfams deadpool challenge!!

inbox is open 2 yap or requests sum!!

#jason todd #jason peter todd #skullkidwithsunglasses #i ramble about comic jason hehehe #red hood

[peony-flowerking7]

hue just some oc

Rant+oc talk

I'M NOT LEAVING LMK FANDOM ANYTIME I LOVE IT TOO MUCH! I've just been frustrated lately, I have trouble with BNHA especially making an oc. But I favorite Gyaru characters they always have the best outfits. So I am hoping this calms my brain cells a bit, I've been having a hard time making a bnha oc but now I have one! She's actually a redesign of many various ocs I had in the past. Yes...I was shamefully in the BNHA fandom...I was a despicable person honestly.

I like the world building, the power system and how it works with science. It has some amazing characters and yes I still do like Bakugou I heard he died and then a lot of things in the manga are disappointing. I have a hate and love relationship with the anime honestly. I could write a whole chapter on it. I especially also don't like bnha oc, I'm sorry but this is my opinion but please don't take it the wrong way. It may come off a bit hypocritical but some BNHA oc are pretty boring and bland, they all look relatively the same, the same white paper skin, blue eyes and black or white hair. Not to mention some quirks are also pretty boring, they also have the same head shape and same eyes.

For me, all BNHA oc look the same, there's nothing to distinguish them well. That's my rant for the fandom side as for the anime. Horikoshi has a big problem with some arcs and characters he never once again used and it's frustrated. Also...fucking Mineta god I hate that character with a burning passion.

Anyways off with my oc, her name is Misao. Her quirk is entirely based off on Mami powers in Madoka Magica. Her whole ordeal is magical girl stuff. So quirk I don't have a name but the description of it is, her cells can turn into guns, only her cells though she can't use anybody else's cells to make guns. Her father Quirk is a healing Quirk while her body is the same as her daughter she can pull any type of gun she wants from her cells except she can use other people cells. For that, the Mother is a military soldier and her father is a medical doctor.

Misao quirk is a combination of the two, let me explain this. Misao's cells can manufacture guns, it doesn't matter which one as long as she has the knowledge of that gun existence and it system is something possible. For her to pop out the gun she needs she will have to pull off a bit of her cells or her skin, it's a painful experience that makes the gun's power more powerful. The good thing is that with the combination of her father Quirk the pain lasts a bit but that all depends in which one she's taking out. Small guns require less so they feel like a pinch while bigger weapons require much force and it can cause Misao a lot of pain. Which is great for power but bad for Misao. She cannot produce bullets though, those she has to make by herself or she can ask her parents for them. It between those two but sometimes she rather ask Yayorozu or Bakugou with these. Like I said earlier Misao can heal faster than a normal person can, also the more guns she gets out the more immobilize she gets and more weaker she grows. Taking out a weapon strains her to the point where she will fall unconscious and stop moving for a couple of hours.

Also she's not very smart, you can say she's a bimbo. So she fails at tests and quizzes but does well in responding while getting her nails done. Also, most of her classmates think she's dumb and just like some of them but Bakugou is the only one to acknowledge the opposite. She was train as a military child, something she dislikes as well. She prefers looking good and getting her nails done, she actually doesn't even want to be a hero, she wants to be an idol. Her dream were crushed as a middle schooler, she really doesn't have a lot of choice.

She also doesn't like some of her classmates because of how their personality rubs her the wrong way. She's uncomfortable with them so she avoids getting to know them, the only one who she enjoys the company with is Bakugou, mostly because of his eyes also his quirk drawbacks but she does avoid him. Shinso is another person she enjoys being with, she's more close to him since they both can connect with each other about societal problems and cats.

#peony art #oc #bnha oc #bnha #oc redesign #oc redraw #redesign

[littencloud9]

for the ask: 🕯️🍄🍬

🕯️ ⇢ on a scale from 1 to 10, how much do you enjoy editing? why is that?

hmm. like a 6. i like it because im a self-indulgent writer so it's like getting to read exactly what i wanna see. but also editing is a PAIN especially when it comes to paragraphs that are just like. what am i even talking about. or sometimes i skip scenes and i just stick in smth like [they talk] [funny joke idk] and having to cross the bridge i have gotten to is not fun HELP

🍄 ⇢ share a head canon for one of your favourite ships or pairings

omg!!! putting a few because nobody can stop me:

🐉🐯 sskk -> akutagawa calls atsushi 'my love' or 'my darling' while atsushi calls akutagawa 'ryuu'

📗🧡 kunichuu -> is this even a hc. SPIDERMAN KISS. wait but also chuuya getting flustered and losing control over his ability and he goes crashing down after the spiderman kiss

🌸🐾 itafushi -> megumi's shikigami popping up (out of his control) when hes watching yuuji because they love yuuji as much as he loves yuuji. mostly the dogs and the rabbits

💛🧡🤎 kunichuuzai -> cane user dazai x chronic pain chuuya x knkd with hand tremors. important to me

🗡️��� tachigin -> sometimes gin doesnt want to talk so tachihara learned sign language specifically for them and convinced most of the port mafia to learn it too

🍬 ⇢ post an unpopular opinion about a popular fandom character

oh my god UMMM okay. lets talk about gojo satoru.

a lot of the fandom believes that he only cares about geto and that frustrates me a lot because while yes, a lot of gojo's reckless decisions are based on geto and he always looks to him for guidance, it has been shown time and time again that gojo cares for many others. he would not sacrifice his students to save geto. he is selfish, but he is not irrational. gojo loves his students. he loves nanami and shoko. we've seen how affected he is at nanami's death, the pure rage at the higher ups who wanted to kill yuta and now yuuji, how highly he thinks of megumi and his power etc. he believes in creating a future for jujutsu society that isnt corrupt, one which his very own students will run. while stsg share an undeniable bond, so deep that gojo is still paralysed by geto's body even after years of not seeing each other again, he would not choose geto over what he believes is the saving grace of jujutsu society. gojo will fight and scream and sink his fangs into whatever he can to get geto back, but his love and loyalty is not limited to just that. at the end of the day, hes the strongest, and he is lonely. why would he abandon those he keeps dear to his heart? for geto? that would go against his character and the future he is working so hard to create. he can love more than one person

SORRY THIS IS SUCH A LONG REPLY AKSJAJKS

send some asks here <3

#disclaimer i LOVE satosugu im not trying to undermine them. but saying that gojo only cares about geto. uhhh. no #ask game #thank you for the ask!! <3 #bsd #jjk #shin soukoku #kunichuu #kunichuuzai #itafushi #tachigin #gojo satoru

[a-strange-inkling]

Idk if you’ve been asked this before, but I have been reading Old Haunts after many recommendations and chapter 6 made me wonder if in general they ever get into more, not fights, but I guess tension like in the car, when Chrissy is so sad and dealing with her issues and Eddie gets frustrated. It’s such a sad, but sweet and realistic scene and really made me empathize with Eddie, when I usually focus more on feeling bad for all that Chrissy has been through.

Oh wow! Thank you for reading 🥺 I don’t often reread my own work, but I do find myself going back to chapter 6 of Old Haunts and chapter 3 of The Demons We’re Made Of sometimes. They gave me a lot of catharsis to write and there’s still a lot of comfort there for me.

The car scene is one of my favorites, it was a very raw and real moment. I’ve been both Eddie and Chrissy in that situation so I really feel for both of them. Oh yes, absolutely. It doesn’t happen often, but they’ve had tension and fights like that variously throughout their relationship and marriage. They’re both broken and healing people who desperately love and want to take care of one another, maybe to a fault sometimes. Chrissy has a hard time sharing her burdens and opening up and Eddie intensively wants to take all her pain away. Hurt and frustration is inevitable.

🤍

#hellcheer #eddie x chrissy #eddissy #munningham #chrissy x eddie #hellcheer fanfiction #hellcheer fanfic #old haunts #ask answered #anon ask

[chikuto]

Hello I saw your post about your breakthrough with ADHD and art and!!! Yeah!!! Similar hat!!!

Something I think that goes into it as well is the idea that ADHD people are undisciplined, like 'oh they're so smart in class but just don't apply themselves' but it's because (at least in my experience) our 'applying ourselves' looks different than what the typical (capitalist) school system demands! I work in short bursts of like 10-30 minutes and break doing nothing and do this for Hours, and this extends to working on a project for days and then not doing anything for weeks before picking it up again. The rhythm is chaos and there is no predicting it but to me it's important not to force myself into doing something I don't want to because it literally will not work and will ONLY make me miserable!!

I tried to be a semi-freelance artist in my gap year and early uni years, and had schedules for myself for how much to draw and practice and especially post down to the week and guess what happened? Literally nothing, I didn't follow that schedule at all, I procrastinated and didn't do much and felt incredibly guilty for not being productive or a proper artist, and ended up burning out within a couple years and did basically no art last year, I've only got back into it this year because I've let myself do it because I Want to and not force myself to, it's no longer a Priority task in the sense of 'this has to be done' and now more a priority in the sense of 'i do this because it makes me happy'.

It was interesting reading your post because yes! I resonate! And feel like I've been in that position and have now come to find ways that I can still draw that work for me and mean I enjoy it and don't fight my brain because doing that for my entire childhood (when you're told you're inherently just lazy and need to work harder than oh boy do you run yourself into the ground) made me absolutely miserable and unable to do anything. Part of my getting back into art was accepting the chaotic and strange way I worked and just letting that flow and not fighting it, as Frustrating as it could get sometimes and as unhelpful it was to a 'traditional' model of work that industry demands.

Idk if this is helpful but you mentioned being unsure how to go from where you are after this revelation and I guess all i want to say is: figure out your workflow and Do Not Fight It. ADHD brain is distracting, yes, but it is also the most stubborn bitch ever and fighting it will just make you unhappy and tired. Figure out how you work best in a way that keeps you content and happy and work with it.

Of course there can be discipline aspects there too; I do find pushing myself to get up and pick up the sketchbook when I am feeling lazy is good, there's definitely elements where you can push yourself just to do a little bit more or work a little bit harder - but only to the point it still works for you. Once it gets hard, stop fighting and let yourself flow naturally.

Ajdhjsja idk if this makes sense I've just done a lot of thinking about this over the years and hoped it might be a bit helpful

I feel you man. Schedules are foreign things to me, and trying to make one for myself is both physically and mentally painful. When I was doing my webcomic, holding myself accountable day in and day out to pump out page after page after page made me so ill. Even when I tried to take it slower and make it easy on myself, I would just get laden with guilt. I had to put it down for my own health and figure out what was wrong with me.

I have received the "Don't Fight It" advice from other ADHD friends before, and i'm STILL FIGURING OUT HOW TO APPLY IT TO MYSELF ... like i said, there are always gonna be external factors that impede your ability to do what you love, even without ADHD (living situation, general mental/physical health, etc).

I definitely wanted to post this ask though, because I hope other people can also benefit from this advice. It's definitely helpful, and after reading everyone's responses to that post, I think it's something I should start being more mindful of too. Thank you for sharing your experience!

#long post

[devintrinidad]

15, 16, & 24 for the ask game ♡

Hi, Chloe! Thanks for the asks! :D

15. What’s your favorite season? 

I really like winter! The season is so beautiful and it's cold and everyone gets bundled up??? It's so nice! Love it! I'm also partial to how autumn slowly transitions into winter and how winter transitions into spring. Maybe it's because I haven't seen snow in years, but the icy frigidity is comforting.

16. Want any tattoos? What of? 

I know I talk a big game about phlebotomy, but I'm really allergic to pain. I don't like it. I'm fine with vaccines and blood draws, but only because it's necessary. Tattoos are pretty, but I don't think I would enjoy the process on myself personally. Plus, I would put so much time and effort in finding a tattoo that holds a lot of meaning to me, but isn't seen as tacky to others, that I'll eventually chicken out and not do it anyway.

Okay, the next one is kinda personal, so I'm putting it under a readmore:

24. When was the last time you cried? Why? 

At work.

Okay, full context and the story, here we go:

So, the last time was literally a week or so ago, on a Thursday. I mentioned before that I work with autistic children, but I don't think I mentioned that I don't really have a lot of experience with working with small kids. Yes, I do have a psychology degree, but I didn't think the company that hired me would take me on because I don't really have that much experience to back me up.

Anyway, I'm a behavior technician, which means that my job is to teach kids how to be more independent through discrete trial or incidental teaching. (It's a lot of technical jargon, but think of me as a teacher, but I allow my kids to roam and run free while I incorporate lessons into what they do).

So, on this particular Thursday, I'm with an afternoon session with one of my kids. He's really smart and he's adorable! He can write letters and even words! He's mostly nonverbal, but he'll let you know what he wants by gesturing and using what little vocabulary he has. (He also has a hyperfixation on farms/farm animals... you'll see how that pertains the story later).

That day, I was still getting supervision on my sessions, but sometimes, my boss had to leave to supervise others or to do some paperwork. When he did supervise me, he was always quick to provide feedback or praise, but the feedback hits extra hard because I'm still learning. I know he means well, but I can't deny that I felt a little disheartened, especially when I know that the other behavior techs on my team are so great with our kids.

In my session with this particular kid, we're at a table and he's trying to play with a toy barn. The doors had been taken off (don't ask me why, I think some other kids were rowdy with it) and he was trying to put them back on. He was getting frustrated and I asked him, "Hey, friend, do you need help? I can put them back on for you." And he kinda shoves the doors into my hands and I try to put the barn doors back on.

Thing was: the barn doors weren't cooperating. I mean, the doors were eventually fixed, but I must not have worked fast enough because ten seconds later (doors were still not on the little barn), my kid starts howling.

A note about me: I get really uncomfortable when other people cry. It's not like I dislike the crying, but because I don't know what to do... and I also do get the urge to cry. (It's gotten better over the years, but when I was a little kid, if someone started crying, I would usually start crying too).

I tried telling my kid, "Hey, friend! It's almost fixed! We're gonna have a great time with the farm, right?" And like encouraging him to be patient with a lower tone of voice, but it wasn't working.

There happened to be another behavior tech in the room (not on my team) with her own kid and she tried to help me, but my kid started going ballistic.

He was bawling, practically screaming, and I think there were some other things on the table like books and stuffed animals???? that he swiped them off the table and onto the ground.

Eventually, the other behavior tech left because her kid was probably getting overstimulated by the meltdown and I also fell silent. I just...

I didn't know what to do.

He wasn't responding to my attempts to soothe him, he wasn't responding my attempts to give him markers or toys.

Eventually, my boss came back and he took charge.

Chloe.

This man.

He is so good with kids.

He started with telling the kid that his feelings were valid, that it was all right to cry.

The kid started to calm down, but was still noticeably agitated.

So, noticing that, my boss started singing Old Macdonald and that's when the kid finally calmed down, relaxed, and went back to playing with some toys.

The entire exchange happened in like five minutes and I was stunned.

This man, he just??? Calmed down the kid in the most soothing way possible? Creatively too?

And then, he starts telling me that sometimes we have to adapt to our kids needs, that we have to think things from our perspective. He also told me about deescalation strategies and how to improve in the future.

And it was all great advice!

But!

Here's the thing:

My kid had been having a meltdown for like ten to fifteen minutes before my boss came in and I'm in near tears.

I'm. In. Near. Tears.

Now was not a great time to give me a lesson.

And that's on me. I should have been open and honest that maybe I needed a break, needed some space, all that jazz.

But like, I kept quiet about it, responded to his questions and told him that I understood, but the entire time, I was close to breaking.

(So either I'm really good at concealing how I'm feeling, my boss didn't notice, or my boss did notice and decided not to say anything. Whatever the three... it's not good).

Eventually, my kid wanted to leave for another room and my boss had to go supervise someone else.

So:

I'm in another room, my kid is currently drawing on another table, I'm still reeling from feeling useless and pathetic, and then! Another player arrives.

This lady who comes in told me that she's going to supervise me and give me some more tips since my boss needs to handle another behavior tech. The lady is the clinical director, so she knows a lot about kids and psychology in general.

So, she goes on about different strategies to help me run trials with my kids and how to deal with challenging behaviors.

On any other day, this would be a great learning experience! I like learning ways to improve my methods on delivering treatment!

But! Not today. Not right now when I'm still trying to process my feelings and the fact that my kid still isn't responding/attending/allowing me to build rapport with him.

I try my best to deliver trials with the lady's advice, but he continues ignoring me for the rest of the session.

Chloe.

I was in session with that kid for two hours. The first forty five minutes were kinda fine, the next fifteen was the meltdown, and that final hour was spent in near tears trying to keep everything together and promising myself that I would cry at home.

Eventually, I had to transition my kid to another behavior tech (he was my final session and I could go home... if it weren't for the fact that I was scheduled for like a final meeting where my boss could go over scheduling, my treatment delivery, etc.)

So, I'm still in the middle of not trying to cry when my boss goes, "How is everything?"

And Chloe:

That's when I was started to lose it:

"Not well."

And that's such a short thing to say, right? But I must have said it loud enough for him to hear because my voice was cracking and I was hiding my face so he doesn't see (I'm a firm believer in eye contact and he had been supervising me a while to know that, I think) and he goes:

"Take a break."

And I just run.

Tears are literally escaping my eyes, I'm rushing out of there and into a bathroom and that's when I start literally crying.

Like,

Literally wailing and trying to stifle everything.

For ten long minutes, I was in that bathroom trying to come up with a good reason to go outside and face my boss, because??? I didn't want to be caught dead crying in front of my boss! Who does?

Eventually, I began balling up wads of tissues and drowning them water so I can place them on my eyes. (It helps with redness so it doesn't look like I'm crying). I also, on the off chance that I began crying again, grabbed some more tissues from a nearby toilet paper roll.

And I headed back inside.

And that's when I saw my boss and the clinical director standing together talking.

My anxiety has gotten better over the years, but in that instant, all my worst fears were coming to pass. Were they discussing how badly I handled my final session that day? Were they criticizing me? Were they letting me go? Was I not good enough for them?

When they gestured for me to come meet them, they were smiling and looking supportive, but like??? At that moment, I felt myself breaking even more.

When I approached, the clinical director was like, "Hey, how're you doing?" And her voice was really soft and soothing and I really wanted to believe that she meant well.

And I kinda wanted to play off that I was fine and doing okay because I kinda just waved my balled up fist filled with toilet paper tissues, "Oh, yeah! I'm fine! I even got extra tissues just in case!"

Which.

I don't know.

Is not a normal thing to say?

And I think that's when they understood that I was not. Okay.

Because that's when the clinical director was going to say something, but--

I teared up and started sobbing again.

Full on crying.

Thank goodness kids are loud and behavior techs learn to mind their own business except for when it comes to their own kids hahaha~!

As soon as I began crying, I hid my face in my hands and I felt the lady come and give me a hug.

Cue me crying even harder because I expected the worst, and the worst was technically happening, but the clinical director??? Was so soft??? And warm??? And why is she hugging me???

And I hear them talking to each other and I’m still kind of not in the moment except for trying to keep it together even though I’ve long since lost it and that’s when I hear, “Let’s go into another room, okay?”

And they begin ushering me into a nearby conference room.

(I don’t think anyone was paying attention, but it was still humiliating rushing somewhere unknown while I’ve got my fists bawled up against my eyeballs).

Anyway, I'm apologizing for... I don't know... everything? Like I'm apologizing for crying, for not being good enough, for taking up their time because they shouldn't have to baby me.

And you know what? They didn't baby me at all.

Instead, they really talked to me as a person. They told me that I was doing great, that I was still learning and it was expected that I would make mistakes. They also told me that the clinical director should have been debriefed better because my boss thought that the both of us could handle it and that the situation hadn't impacted me as badly as it really did. In all honesty, it's kinda funny. It was because of miscommunication and misunderstanding, which is ironic because I'm pretty sure everyone in the room majored in psychology at one point lol

Anyway, my head is kinda ducked underneath the table because, again, I'm still crying and I'm not pretty to look at when full on crying. The both of them agree that they'll meet me again tomorrow (it's close to the end of my shift, so I was going to leave) and that they were going to talk about how they were going to make it so that I would be more comfortable in this environment, how to lessen the burden of transition, and what else they could do to help me.

The clinical director had to leave because she had to attend to other matters, but my boss held me back for a couple more minutes.

(Okay, that's more of a hyperbole).

He told me that I could stay in the privacy of the meeting room as long as I wanted so that I could gather myself and calm down.

He told me that I was doing really well... but that's not the only thing he told.

He told me to have compassion for myself, that I'm at where I need to be, and that if he wanted to fire me or found fault in my work/attitude, we would be having a wildly different conversation.

Yesterday, I told you that what happened made me into a better person. I think that was an exaggeration. I'm not a better person.

Yet.

I don't know, the words he told me and how he told it, with so much compassion and empathy. He was calm and he didn't talk me down. He let me cry and ask him questions.

I aspire to be as empathetic, to always see the humanity in others. I want to be the person others can look to when it comes to trust and opening up their vulnerabilities.

He also told me that it took years of working with kids and I had just started. Of course I wasn't going to be the best at it, there is a learning curve and I was doing my best. And that's a good thing.

Afterwards, I finally left and went home.

I kinda cried a little before work started the next day, but I think I got better and began working towards trying to embody not only an improved behavior technician, but also a better person.

So yeah.

tldr; A patient under my care had a meltdown, I had a meltdown, and my boss and another boss saw it and talked me through it.

Thank you so much for the questions, Chloe! I know this took longer than it should have, but the experience hit me really hard. I hadn't cried that hard since my meltdown back in June so yeah.

I hope you have a wonderful night and that your grandmother had an even better birthday! :D

#ask #ask game #hystericfae #hystericfae ask #might as well ask you a question #have you ever cried in a situation like this? maybe not in front of your boss #but definitely in front of people you would never imagine being vulnerable in front of #devintrinidad #answered #personal

[lilis-doodle-dome]

Sibling swap:

This is just an excuse to project chronic pain on Tsukasa. Originally considered just giving Saki a physical disability instead of illness, but idk it felt wrong? Like that would fundamentally change her experience by changing it.

So yeah, Tsukasa was born with a misshapen spine (based on spina bifida, except the part that you can tell someone has it from birth) that causes severe pain, especially in the back, along with weakness and lack of sensation in the legs and lower back area. Also when he was younger, before Physical therapy, his legs would sometimes give out on him

Before his legs stopped working for the first time, his parents didn’t take him seriously about the pain he was in, they weren’t being malicious just typical non-recognition from able bodied people. So he spent awhile thinking what he was going through was normal and kinda permanently internalized the idea that any pain that wasn’t entirely debilitating was just something to work through-

Of course once his condition was discovered, he spent a lot of time in and out of the hospital with the amount of surgeries he needed along with mapping plans for his future. E.x, treatment plans including projected support needs based off his current condition, what level of mobility aids would he need at all times based off his, well, mobility and of course what type and how much physical therapy he would need in the moment and moving forward.

While it ends with Tsukasa having the core strength of a god, PT (physical therapy) at the start was Hell. Since he had little to no strength at the start, even doing something as simple as leaning forward was incredibly painful. A combination of pain along with frustration of not being able to do incredibly basic movements is hard for anyone to deal with, let alone a child, so it’s really no surprise Tsukasa hated the PT and also tended to completely lose his chill during sessions- Honestly if young Tsukasa knew curse words he’d be a damn sailor!

(Side note anyone who says canon Tsukasa would be anything but strong obviously have never done stunt work or dance. Mans got that lean muscle, do not discount him because he’s a theater nerd and not a jock)

He still plays piano and wants to become an actor, his mom was teaching him piano before his disability was known and it was one of the few activities he enjoyed that he could still do reasonably well while not pushing himself. Except the whole posture part, he can’t sit up straight because of how his spine is bent, so he uses the piano itself to push himself upright, yes he’s very bad at playing softly.

Still he becomes quite skilled since he spends so much time playing and ends up bonding with saki over it. As she says, he would play with her for however long it took her to figure it out and whenever she was able to play the whole thing right, he’d smile at her so genuinely Saki believed that maybe for that little bit he’d forget about his pain. That’s what inspired her to not only learn piano as best she could, but also write music. So there’d always be a new piece to perfect and make her brother smile.

Of course since Saki goes to school normally, she has access to her piano a lot more and is more proficient at playing and making music by the time leo/needs story happens than in canon. Also she definitely plans to go pro, she wants to create music that makes you momentarily forget all the bad things in life and share it with everyone!

Tsukasas reason for wanting to be a star is the same as canon, except it’s about how the star made everyone, including himself, smile for real and made his family happy, washing their worries away. So he wants to be a star to make his family smile in genuine happiness around him, instead of strained and worried smiles.

When WxS story takes place, Tsukasa is not going to school and is instead enrolled in online classes. Partially to suite how often he needs to be in the hospital, but also because none of the nearby schools are particularly accessible- by this point Tsukasa has enough mobility to be able to walk without aids for short periods of time and otherwise mostly use crutches, although he does have a walker for bad days and also for holding stuff. But that’s on generally flat ground, having to walk up and down stairs in a school setting would be decidedly Bad.

Other small details: Wonderland Sekai is slightly changed, the floor is all clouds which are super soft and easy to walk on, and the gravity in the Sekai is noticeably lighter which makes walking a bit easier on someone who’s constantly weighing down on themselves because of spine problems.

Tsukasa still has memory issues, but it’s hard to see them as a real thing when it makes sense that days of doing the same things kinda just bleed together. They are still a problem, just harder to recognize.

Due to weakened sensations in his legs, Tsukasa has a lot of little scars on them from not being able to feel when he’s gotten injured.

I do have WxS general story arch laid out, but this is already getting long so I’ll make that another post (if people want it?)

All I’ll say about it is, the troupe do Not know about Tsukasa’s disability for a good bit of it and it will cause problems™️

#art #my art #sketch #au #sibling swap #fanart #digital art #pjsk #project sekai #pj sekai #long post #au info #pjsk tsukasa #tsukasa tenma #tsukasa #pjsk saki #saki #saki tenma #there is SO much more I can say on this au #but mann is writing hard

[palms-upturned]

Same anon from before. No, I still truly don’t feel like any of this is enough. I don’t trust myself or my own judgement to make the right decisions on these things and rely on whoever I believe falls into the category of “more right than not” (you would fall into that!) because I just want to not get yelled at. I want other people to be liberated too so I recognize that it’s not about my feelings but to that end I also believe I shouldn’t matter here and as a privileged person just be told (1/2

(2/2) What to do by people who know better than me. I know I’ll never be perfect or do enough so why shouldn’t the better among us just force us into a revolution right now? I’m too trapped by my job to be able to do local organizing. All the protests happen either while I’m at work or are already happening when I didn’t know it. People say to either take time for you or spend all your time on educating yourself and organizing but where does that leave my life? Worthless, I think. I wish someone Would just tell me so. Tell me yes or no; am I living correctly or not? Am I properly dedicating myself to what truly matters or not? I don’t want a revolution that happens after you and I are gone. I want one yesterday. I want one where we actually, ACTUALLY LEGIT force people to change their ways. Like, “sacrificing all your excess clothes and frivolus toys to the efforts” kind of force. I fucking hate living in this grey area where we could be trying our best but be unknowingly commiting evil At any time. I’m sorry, that was a lot. Just…I don’t know what I’m supposed to do. I don’t know what that says about me if I wish we just had hard and fast, unflinching RULES about how we should be acting right now and people to enforce it instead of being left to wade through our own flaws and imperfections and internal biases. I wish I could have them surgically removed and make myself a perfect fighter for justice

Well… I don’t really know what to say other than I’m sorry. I know it’s not enough and will never feel like enough. I know that uncertainty is painful and so is living under structures that we didn’t ask to be built. I don’t think that wanting to escape those things says anything particularly bad about you. I think all of us do. But the revolution didn’t come yesterday, and things just are what they are… At some point, you have to be able to make peace with that. Not to the extent of accepting the way things are, but to the extent that you can still see value in your life and in putting in the work to change things. Whatever work you can do.

Knowing whether or not you’re doing the “right thing” can only come from your own convictions. Those will solidify the more you learn and act on them and see the results. That, I think, is how you cope with the uncertainty. You do what is within your power, and you believe in what is within the reasonable scope of your observations. Even if there really was someone who you could rely on to tell you how to live correctly and what truly matters, you would still have to have a reason to personally believe that they were “more right than not.” I know it sucks, I really do. But you have to let go of the fantasy of being able to just give the reins to someone else. You have to see yourself as someone capable of conviction.

And believe me, I know how frustrating it is to deal with the limits. I am also annoyed at protests always happening on weekends when blue collar workers don’t get to have the day off to attend, including me. I’m annoyed at how many events I don’t get to go to because nobody requires masks indoors. I’m endlessly angry about how much time and strength I waste on my full time retail job just to be allowed to live in some degree of dignity when I could be putting that energy toward organizing. I hate how many layers there are to this beast that makes organizing inaccessible to the people who need it most. And I hate the limits of my body sometimes, too. But it is what it is and it won’t get better if we don’t accept it for what it is and work out what to do about it.

Regardless of any “value” that someone could assign your life, you have a right to be here like anyone else. And you are not as powerless as people would like you to think, nor as powerless as you would probably be relieved to think. We have an obligation to do what we can to improve things, and for most of us, there’s a lot more that we can do than we know. But there’s still a lot that we can’t do. And it’s so despair inducing at times like this, but we can’t let that stop us from doing something.

I know you’re probably just venting and I don’t really know what I can say to make any of this easier. I also don’t necessarily think it’s true to say that I’m “more right than not.” But I’ve hit suicidal rock bottom before and I don’t wish that for you. I know it hurts to work toward an ideal world knowing that we likely won’t live to see it if it even comes to exist at all. I know it hurts to know that our lives are dependent on the exploitation of others in ways that we can’t currently entirely avoid. But in the same way, our lives support other lives. And we can strengthen that support so long as we live and try. That’s what gets me through.

#asks #anon