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akingdomofswordsandstories · 3 years

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Unrequited pt. 2

azriel (acotar) x reader

*this is part 2! Sorry for the wait guys! I really struggled with this and low-key I don’t like it but I hope y'all do! I wanna write the scenes after this but idk how im gonna make it work lol. anyway, enjoy!

word count: 3193

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What you hadn’t realized was that Azriel left a few minutes later, walking to your apartment to make sure you had gotten home safe.

All of a sudden he heard whimpers and labored breathing coming from the alley.

Nothing could have prepared him for the sight of you laying on the ground and bleeding out. He felt a tug in his chest. A click. Panic instilled in him as he gently but swiftly picked you up and flew you to Madja.

“Hang on y/n, you’re so strong” he whispered

In those moments, he feared for you. Fear that was so strong. Something he had never felt before.

He rushed into the house laying you on the bed gently before he was shoved out by the Madja so she could try to save you.

Azriel alerted the others and then collapsed into a chair, sitting in silence. A tear slipped out of his eye at the thought he may have been too late to save you.

You. His mate.

Why, of all the times did the bond have to click while you were on the brink of death. In a situation where you may not make it out alive. It wasn’t fair.

He wondered if you had known. Could that be the reason why you had been distancing yourself from him? Because you didn’t expect or want him to be your mate? But if you had known you would’ve said something, right? You wouldn’t keep it a secret? So many thoughts kept racing through his head.

Could it have been because of Elain? He knew the inner circle wasn’t stupid, they all saw him drifting more and more to Elain. Could that have been why you had distanced yourself? He would be lying if he said he didn’t like Elain, but he would also be lying if he said he didn’t like you.

Your stubbornness. Your generosity. Your sense of adventure. The way you could get lost in the things you did.

Suddenly the door swung open and the others came into the room, worry written all over their faces.

Azriel could tell that Cassian and Mor had been crying on the way there.

“How bad is it?” Mor shook as she spoke. You could see the pain in her eyes. The worry she had for someone who was basically her sister.

Azriel’s expression was unreadable and he didn’t respond.

“Do you think she will make it?” Feyre asked, grief evident in her posture. “I- I don’t know” Azriel answered, “It was pretty bad,” he said quietly.

Just as he answered, Madja appeared from the other room. “She’s in rough shape, I don’t know if she’s gonna make it through the night. She lost a lot of blood.”

The room grew eerily quiet

“She’s stable for now, but I will stay here and notify you if any changes occur.”

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Rhys, Feyre, Amren, and Elain went back to the townhouse to try and get as much rest as they could. Mor, Cassian, and Azriel decided to stay in your room with you.

Tears started slipping from Cassian’s eyes once he saw your fraile body lying in bed, barely hanging on.

“Oh mother” Mor sobbed out, a hand slipping over her mouth. She went over to the bed you were on, gently sitting on it and grabbing to hold your hand. She leaned against the headboard and watched as your chest heaved.

The trio sat in silence for some time, watching your every move, your breathes, whimpers, and shifts.

Azriel broke the silence.

“She’s my mate. All this time and I never knew.”, the sentence coming out as a whisper.

Shock was painted on Mor’s face. “Y/n’s your mate? How di-? When?”

“It clicked when I saw her body lying there.” his voice started breaking “Why did it have to happen right now. Of all the times. Why couldn’t it have happened months ago. I could’ve had more time. This never would have happened. How do I move on from this?” his voice ending on a whisper.

“All you can do is hope to mother that she has the strength to pull through.” Cassian replied softly. “You know, this whole situation is so ironic.”, he said softly to himself, lightly shaking his head.

Azriel gave Cassian a look of confusion, wondering what he was talking about, but decided to drop it for now.

“Anyway, let’s try to get some sleep and pray the morning holds better news”

Mor had dozed off, back against the headboard and hand still holding yours. Cassian was sitting in the chair, head resting on the palm of his head, it still took him a few hours to fall asleep completely. Azriel, however, couldn’t sleep. The thought of sleeping while you laid like this. He felt guilty, the feeling that he may have been too late. For the rest of the night, Azriel sat in a chair next to your bed, shrouded in darkness, hoping you would be ok.

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Sunlight peeked through the sheer blinds over the balcony door. The faint sound of birds singing flowed through the air. Light shined onto your face, causing you to groan. Groggily, you opened your eyes, blinking to adjust to the light filling the room. Your head pounded and you winced as you shifted in bed.

“Y/n?” you heard a whisper. You mumbled in response. “Oh! Thank mother you’re alright! We were all so worried for you. Wait, let me call Madja now that you’re up.” Mor rambled on causing you to smile slightly. “CASSIAN!” she squealed “Wake up! Look! Y/n is awake!”

Cassian jumped to his feet at her shout. “Oh my god!” he ran over to your side “I was so worried, I’m so glad you’re alright” he said, taking your hand into his. “Let me go call the others, they’ve been waiting for an update.”

Soon after, the rest of the inner circle came over to your room to check in and Madja came to see how you were healing.

“That was quite the wound you had. Make sure to rest for the next two weeks. No buts, we don’t want this opening back up from stress or straining activity.”. You groaned at the thought.

“But I feel fine now, it’s not a big deal! I can go back to doing my duties in 2 days. I’ll be good as new.” you pleaded, trying to convince Madja and yourself. Before she could respond, Rhys cut in.

“You will do nothing of the sort. You just got stabbed for cauldrons sake, if i catch you trying to do anything remotely straining, i’ll lock you in your room and have Cassian stand guard in front of it”

“Fine” you grumbled out

“Now that everything is settled, i’ll be coming to check on you every few days.” Madja states before leaving

After a little more small talk was exchanged, the inner circle decided to leave you to rest a bit more, but promised they would visit you as frequently as they could.

Except, one person stayed behind.

Azriel.

“Can I talk to you?”

“Is something wrong?” you asked

After a hesitant pause his voice rang out. “We’re mates.”

You felt a blow to your chest. When did he find this out? As if Azriel had read your thoughts, he responded “Last night. After I found you.”

“Oh”

“But, Cassian said something, how it was ironic, and I can’t help but wonder how long you’ve known”

“I-, I told Cassian that we were mates yester-”

“But how long have you known y/n.” his voice quiet and sharp as a knife, as if tendrils of anger were waiting to escape

“Since the diplomatic mission Rhys sent us on”, you whispered. You could feel the tears threatening to fall from your eyes

“That was months ago and you didn’t think to tell me?” You could feel the anger in his voice

“I thought you would have figured it out sooner. I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry” tears started falling from your eyes

“You knew and said nothing. Why didn’t you say anything? You should have said something” he seethed. His anger was unhinged, a drastic change for the usually calm and collected shadowsinger.

“If you didn’t want to be my mate just tell me. I’d be glad to be rid of the bond.”. As soon as he said it, he regretted it. His anger dissipated. He looked up and saw your face, tears streaming down.

“I see the way you look at Elain, Azriel. I’m not some stupid fucking female. How do you think it feels to see your mate all over someone else. I wanted to give you a chance to find your own happiness without me burdening you with this. And if we’re being honest, if you had to choose between me or her, you would choose her. I knew you would be disappointed by me. I knew you wouldn’t want to be my mate, that's why I didn’t tell you.” your anger started boiling up. “Do you think it feels good to be rejected, especially by someone you’ve loved for a long time? I didn’t want you to be disappointed that I was your mate, the person you’ve waited so long for.” your voice tapered off at the end. “Can you leave please” you said softly

“No, wait, I’m sorry I-“

“Azriel. Get out.” your voice boomed through the room.

He left reluctantly, softly shutting the door behind him. Just as the door shut, the sobs that you had been desperately trying to hold back broke free. Your body shuddered as you hugged yourself, crying yourself back to sleep.

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During the following weeks, you avoided Azriel at all costs. As soon as he walked into the room, you would walk out. Any required conversations were kept short. You did anything you could to keep your mind off of him, cleaning, errands, hell you did it all. It certainly didn’t help your recovery, but you did what you could to keep your mind busy and off of Azriel.

“Y/n stop please. You need to rest, how many times do we have to tell you. You’re only making the healing process longer” Mor ranted on.

“I’m fine, I doubt a wound, which is almost healed by the way, would be damaged by me doing chores” you emphasized as you rolled your eyes

“Maybe not by chores, but it is affected by your stress”

A moment of silence passed.

“He feels terrible, you know, he didn’t mean to say it. He just wants to talk to you.”. Mor didn’t risk saying his name because she knew it would only anger you more.

“Well I don’t want to talk to him, or deal with him, or see him, or think about him. At all.”. You grumbled. Your heart clenched, but you brushed it aside.

“Y/n, please. I love you two and it hurts to see our family like this right now.”

“Please, can we drop it, I-“ your voice cracked

“Yeah, of course. Just… keep an open mind, maybe?”

“Yeah, ok” you looked down.

“I’ll see you later tonight then, for Rhys and Feyre’s dinner party.”

“Sounds good.”. You pressed your lips into a tight smile as you watched Mor walk off. You had definitely contemplated not going today. All of the inner circle certainly knew what happened, maybe not all the details, but still enough, which made you feel exposed. You weren’t use to having your emotions splayed out to everyone like that, and it made you too vulnerable. However, Mor had threatened to pull you to the party herself if you refused to go, so being complicit seemed like the best option.

It was just one night. You would be fine… right?

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It was nearing 8 as you finished getting ready for the party, which started at 8:30. You were wearing an olive green silk midi dress. It wasn’t anything too fancy, but it was still very elegant. And comfortable. You were touching up as Mor arrived.

“Ah, there she is, beautiful as ever.”

“I could say the same about you, darling” you emphasized

“Are you ready to go, I heard the party is getting started, and you know I wouldn’t want to miss all the cocktails”

A laugh mused on your face. You grabbed your purse before the pair of you winnowed to the house.

You arrived at the front door, scanning the scene when you got there. It was a cozy ballroom with french doors which opened up to a huge balcony leading to the gardens. There was a huge dining table in the center with plenty of space to mingle in clusters.

You hadn’t spotted Azriel yet, a sigh of relief leaving your body. You strutted in, arms linked with Mor, grabbing a drink off the platter. You weren’t even sure who or what this party was for, but you realized you had downplayed it after spotting Helion and Tarquin. The high lords in Velaris. But that was the least of your concerns, the only thing you were focused on was avoiding Azriel.

Spotting Feyre near Helion, you breezed over to say hi.

“Ah! Y/n! Helion, i’m sure the two of you have met a few times before!” Feyre smiled out

“Yes, I do remember you! I heard about what happened, how are you feeling?” He asked

“Much better than the last few weeks, that’s for sure. Although I must say, this alcohol is certainly helping” you giggled. “Well I just wanted to pop over and say hi, but I think I’m gonna go find Cassian now. It was so nice to see you again Lord Helion, enjoy your evening.”

“You too Miss Y/L/N”

You dipped your head towards the both of them before making your way through the room to find Cassian. Where was he for caldrons sake. You hadn’t seen him in a week because he had to go up to the illyrian war camps again. Pushing your way through the crowd, you bumped into a hard chest, spilling your champagne. Cursing to yourself, you started to apologize.

“Oh mother, I’m so so sorry, clums-“. Looking up your y/e/c eyes met strong hazel ones, which were burning into your soul. You felt your throat close up, starting to feel trapped in the crowed room

No no no no. This couldn’t be happening. Not now.

You knew it was only a matter of time before you would have to talk to him, but you couldn’t do it now. Before he could say a word, you pushed past him and bolted out to the balcony to get some fresh air. You had run to the corner, near the steps to the garden, out of sight from others. Taking deep breaths, you calmed your nerves. You would be ok, everything was fine. It would be fine. At least, that’s what you kept telling yourself.

You decided to quickly go grab another drink before returning to the serenity outside. Leaning against the balcony, you stared out at the stars and the gardens. They were so beautiful, even in the winter, you thought to yourself. You basked in the silence, your thoughts drowning you.

Some time had passed before you heard footsteps approaching you on the balcony. You knew who it was without having to turn around, but you still couldn’t bear to be around him. You turned to leave but his hand caught your wrist, holding it firmly. You could feel the scars from his hands against your skin.

“Please. I just want to talk”

“What’s there to talk about Azriel, you made your feelings clear that day.”

“Just listen, please, and then i’ll leave you alone if that’s what you wish”

You sighed, nodding your head in defeat. You couldn’t keep balling up your emotions.

He led you back to the railing of the balcony before his grasp left your wrist. You tilted your head down looking at your feet and fiddling with your thumb.

“I spent 500 years pining after Mor because I was so afraid of maybe having a chance at love. I thought it was best to love someone who would never love me back so I wouldn’t get hurt. Then I met Elain. She helped me to open up more, and helped me to believe that happiness would be possible for me, with someone. I had given up on the idea of having a mate. I didn’t think I deserved one. I was ok with that and had accepted that.”

He let out a breath as he ran his hand through his hair, light curls falling onto his forehead. “When I saw you lying there and the bond clicked, I was so mad at myself. I shut out the possibility of having a mate for so long. You were my mate. My mate. I never thought I would be able to say those words.”

He paused.

“I was mad that you may not make it. I was mad that I didn’t find you soon enough. I was mad that we didn’t have more time. I didn’t know what to do or how to feel. I Just wanted you to be ok. And then when you told me that you had known for so long, I was angry. Angry that I hadn’t realized sooner, and angry that you kept it from me because you may not have wanted me or expected me to be your mate. And I snapped. Then you said the thing that I had least expected. You said you had loved me” He chuckled dryly. “I am so sorry, y/n, so very sorry.”.

His hand reached down to cup your face. He jerked your head up so you were looking at him. “What i’m trying to say is that I love you, but I understand if you don’t feel the same way anymore”.

The air had been knocked from your lungs. Your heart swelled and your eyes watered. Before you had realized what you were doing, your lips crashed into his. His mouth fit perfectly against yours. He was a breath of fresh air with a hint of mint. Azriel’s hands gripped your waist, pulling you into his body and he smiled against your lips. It felt so right. Everything about it. Your heart was pounding out of your chest as you both pulled away, breathless. Your forehead rested against his.

You whispered just loud enough for him to hear.

“I love you too”. As soon as the words left your mouth, he pulled you in for another kiss, his wings forming a cocoon around you. This one was more demanding. Passionate. A promise. You pulled away from his mouth and leaned against him, his arms wrapping around you.

“Oh, I almost forgot.” Azriel said. Reaching into his pocket he pulled out a small black box. “It’s your Solstice gift, I was trying to find a good time to give it to you.”, he scratched the back of his head.

You gently took it from his hand. The box had a red ribbon wrapped around. Undoing the ribbon, You opened the box to find one of the beautiful necklaces you had been admiring with Mor. “Oh my Az. Its so beautiful. I love it. How did you know?”

“I may have had my shadows follow everyone around to find out what they wanted.” he laughed out.

You smiled. “Will you help me put it on?”. Handing the dainty chain to Azriel, you brushed you hair aside. Baring your neck to him. His fingers ghosted the soft skin, clasping the necklace together. He tenderly placed a kiss next to your ear, causing butterflies to erupt.

You cleared your throat. “I think we’ve been gone long enough. Would you like to get some food, Azriel?” you smiled.

“I would love to, my darling mate.” he paused before darkly saying “I am especially excited for the part that comes after I eat.”. You lightly smacked his shoulder before the two of you made your way inside, beaming.

taglist ---

@minnie-mitzel @itsbebeyyy @preciousbabymuffins @kexrtiz @vicisbookishblog @peneflop @millianec @agentsofsheilds

#azriel x reader #azriel #acotar x reader #acotar #azriel acotar x reader #cassian #rhysand

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nurseofren · 3 years

Text

Keeping Your Promise - Chapter 30 (NSFW)

Read on AO3 | Read on Wattpad

Read chapter twenty-nine (NSFW-lite)

Title: Not a Fascination

Words: 14.1k (Um... don't look at me lmfao)

Summary: The other side of tragedy.

Warnings: vaginal fisting, needles, inappropriate use of medical equipment

ST Rambles: Here to drop this absolute MONSTROSITY of a 14.1k word chapter. But boy howdy was this thing a long time coming. Thigh riding, fisting, vein kink -- OH MY. To be honest, this thing was not supposed to be what it is, but I went with it and like how it turned out and how it will help the story along.

I take my NCLEX on July 7th and start my orientation on the 19th. Life is crazy y'all. Enjoy this.

[MASTERLIST] || BANNER // @elmidol

Bloodied faces, jagged flesh, the smell of iron scorching your nose, screams scraping against your ears and never ending, never faltering no matter how much you did.

All these things, these horrid thoughts, crowded your mind, and all you could do was keep running, keep tumbling through the unfamiliar halls of this place and hope you could get to him in time. Get to Kylo in time.

Because how many chances could the galaxy or the stars or the gods offer you? It felt like you’d used those chances up, maxed them out between Robbie and Snoke and Starkiller.

But you could not think like that, or at least you didn’t want to. It was useless, none of those gut-wrenching thoughts could help you or Kylo, and all of them just made you want to crumple to the floor and give up.

If he wasn’t okay, if he was dying…

The thought made you stumble forward, your fingers clamping onto a doorframe as you made another tight turn into the next hallway that looked like all the previous. You shot past couplets of workers, their shocked gasps dwindling behind as you raced away from them to wherever your watch was leading you.

CB-7070 raced just behind you, and maybe it appeared as if you were being chased by security, but you couldn’t care less, not as you felt the phantom flood of crimson slither along your leg, its ghost a cold, wicked reminder of how bad things could be again. The stormtrooper didn’t stop you, though, and you wondered briefly if she had been alerted to Kylo’s emergency as well. But it was a fleeting thought, and all you could think of was getting to him and being with him and not letting him go ever again.

Your heart burned in your chest and your legs flew faster than you ever knew they could, fast like your sprint toward the Command Shuttle when the planet was exploding alongside your life. This was all too familiar, too chaotic. You couldn’t do this again.

You wouldn’t.

The next turn you hurdled past, you promised yourself that you would do everything you could to ensure Kylo would never be helpless like he had been ever again. Trial be damned, license be damned, Snoke be damned! None of it mattered. Nothing mattered. Nothing but him, nothing mattered except him. It was always him.

It would always be him.

The tiny red blip of your radar display became centered, and you looked up just before you met a badge-protected door face first. Before you could process the thought completely, your hand flung to the badge hanging from your collar and slammed it into the scanner on the wall. The door hissed open and you catapulted into whatever room you’d been led to.

And then you connected with a hard wall of heat and muscle. Kylo.

Breath heaved from your lungs as your hands skimmed along his front, assessing for damage and wounds, searching for the sinister slip of blood beneath the tips of your fingers. You were only vaguely aware of the questions fumbling from your trembling lips, your ears ringing and head pounding as your hands took one of his clothed arms and smoothed along its strong length, wandering until they found nothing of concern and shifting to the opposite.

After finding his front and upper half free from injury, you went to spin to his back, but a hand caught your hip – a warm, firm hand that broke through the cloud of panic that’d swallowed you – and kept you from moving. You urged away from it, but it remained and kept you steady, and when you tried a third time, it grasped a little tighter, and you found your way back to the present.

Breath wheezed out of you and you looked up. Kylo was peering down at you, unmasked. It was there again, that odd, unreadable expression from the Command Shuttle that day, the one that looked like awe, but now it was laced with something more. The way he looked at you… Kylo seemed stunned, but there was this strength to it, like he hadn’t been expecting your worry, but that he liked it.

“Kylo,” you whimpered, your fingers reaching up to skim his face, the pad of your left ring finger etching along the black-and-red scar that struck through his face.

His Jaw tightened and your eyes fled to his, the weight of his molten amber gaze making you shiver. Something wet and hot slipped over your top lip, and only then did you realize you’d begun to cry.

“Kylo,” you mouthed, and then you rested your forehead against the broad width of his chest, your hands slipping from his face and reaching around his waist so you could pull him to you.

He seemed to relax slightly with you tight against him, but he was still rigid.

“Leave us,” Kylo stated simply, and your blood ran cold while your face heated.

In your panicked state, you forgot that CB-7070 had followed after you. She’d kept up with you through the halls and was now standing in the same room where you’d just caressed the Commander of the First Order’s face and hugged him. The room where you were still hugging him.

“Commander Ren, I am to remain with your provider during her time away from the Consulate,” CB-7070 said, an uneasiness clear even in her altered voice. “To leave her would go against my assignment.”

“Your assignment is with the General, is it not?” Kylo demanded, the hand on your hip flexing but never releasing.

There was a tense pause, and you heard the stormtrooper at your back shuffle uncomfortably, undoubtedly under the intense glare your master was shooting her right now.

“She is my provider, after all. Report to the General that you left her with me.” His heart was steady and unwavering in his chest, and you knew you should pull away from him, but you were too caught up in the reassurance of his strong form to do so.

Another moment of silence passed, you felt the steady gawk of CB-7070’s face centered on you, and you went to finally let go of Kylo. But he had other plans. Instead of letting you go, Kylo took the hand that wasn’t clasped to your hip and let it trail up your spine, dragging it along your back until it cupped the base of your skull and shifted your head so your cheek lay flat against his chest.

“Tell your general he can come to me if he has an issue with my order. I’ll be interested to hear his… perspective on the matter, if he feels so compelled.”

The lethal confidence that Kylo spoke with seeped into your bones. And though you couldn’t see his face, you heard the slight snarl he’d ended his words with.

A second passed, you took a breath, and the heat of Kylo’s gloved hand atop your nape sent a scalding shiver down your spine. Movement sounded at your back, and you could almost feel CB-7070’s surrender in the way the remaining rigidity left Kylo altogether.

The stormtrooper cleared her throat. “I will report as you’ve advised, Commander Ren.” Out of the corner of your eye, CB-7070 shifted toward you. “Officer,” she said in resignation, wariness tingeing her tone.

You couldn’t look at her. The only thing meeting her mask-hidden eyes would do is solidify that you had an odd, extremely inappropriate relationship with Kylo Ren. Between the trial, the shitty shift, and whatever Kylo called you here for, the last thing you needed was Hux up your ass. Or, further up your ass than he already was.

So you only nodded against Kylo’s chest, attempting to speak but knowing your words would be rasped by how thick your throat had become.

Boots sounded on the tile floor, then a rush of hydraulics, and finally the room settled around you. It was quiet, the only sound that of Kylo’s rhythmic, unfaltering heart and your own pulse finally slowing in your ears. He still held you to him – hand on hip and head – and for however long he did, whether it was minutes or hours, you felt the chaos of Starkiller’s downfall flood away. Kylo held you and you held onto him, and the planet at your feet kept still and steady, so you allowed a second a peace, clinging to every rise and fall of the chest that tided beneath your cheek.

Had you ever held Kylo Ren before? The thought struck through you, and you tightened your hold just a measure more, and you felt your body sigh against his.

Kylo had held you before, held tight your sob-wracked body on that all-too-recent day that seemed to have changed so much. Seemed to have changed everything, really.

“I thought something happened,” you murmured. “I thought you were hurt again like… like last time. And that I’d find you and you wouldn’t…” You swallowed, the grim thought choking you. “And you wouldn’t wake up this time.”

The hand on your hip smoothed over to the small of your back, the breath of his heavy sigh cooling the crown of your head. “I’m not that easy to kill,” Kylo said, blunt yet gentle.

You ran your hands up his back, surreptitiously searching for damage. “There’s nothing wrong with you,” you mumbled.

A gust of amusement left him, and he teasingly said, “I think a lot of people would disagree with that statement.”

He was… joking? “Nothing physically wrong, then. So why are you here, Kylo?”

He hummed, and the feel of his vibrating chest against your ear was chilling. The hand that rested on the back of your neck toyed with the stray hair there, and just as soon as your eyes lulled shut did they fling back open.

The Force returned with unyielding, unforgiving strength. It laved and pushed and whirled through your cunt, and you shuddered against Kylo and he held you to him, trapped you against him while you yipped and squealed and bit back wanton moans.

“I can’t just come see you?” Kylo rumbled, and you could hear the smirk he now wore. “It has been such a long, boring day, what with you ordering me against training for the foreseeable future, so I thought I’d pay a visit to my little nurse.” He sighed a low chuckle. “Thought I’d see how memorable your first day has been.”

Your hands bunched in the material of his outer tunic, your jaw slack and brow pinched, but through the thick pleasure you found yourself annoyed and… angry.

You were angry with him.

He came here with the intent to toy with you, just as he’d done during your entire shift. The same toying – albeit, much more vehement now – that caused you to be publicly reprimanded and shamed not even an hour ago. It made you feel so worthless, so unimportant that he hadn’t considered that you wouldn’t want to do this with him right now. Even worse was the fact you thought he was hurt or so much worse when your watch had alerted.

It felt like he didn’t care how these shifts would affect your trial. It felt like he hadn’t given a second thought to summoning you here, like he didn’t consider that you’d lose your mind at the thought of something worse happening to him as the events of Starkiller occurred not even two weeks ago.

“Kylo,” you warned, but it came out on a lusting breath. “Kylo, stop.”

“Is that another one of your orders you seem to be so keen on today? In that case…”

The Force shifted, and while it kept a masterful pattern on your clit, you now felt it move inside you, pushing into you just as his thick, heavy cock would. But the Force grew, it stretched you and you felt it deep, deepinside. A pitiful wheeze jolted from your lungs, and when your knees quivered, Kylo only pressed you harder into his massive, broad body, the Force filling you with relentless strokes.

“Kylo, stop it. Stop it, now,” you panted, your voice rising a pitch when you felt the frays of pleasure tickle along your nerves. You didn’t want to cum, not for him, not right now when he’d made you so livid.

“You should be begging me to let you cum, not for me to stop” he hummed, a note of uncertainty present in his tone. “Why are you fighting me on this?”

“Because I don’t want to do this with you!”

The exclamation ripped through your throat, your nails nearly shredding through his thick tunic, and as you prepared to be drowned in the ecstasy of orgasm, the Force left you. It all stopped, and all you knew in that moment was that you were relieved he listened to you. Relieved he stopped and recognized that this wasn’t an empty plea born from a pleasure high. Recognized you were serious.

As you calmed, still holding tight to him, you felt the absence of his touch, and the room went completely still around you. It didn’t even seem like Kylo was breathing, or he was and it was disconcertingly quiet and insidious.

You took your hands from him and stepped away, seeing you were in a nondescript assessment room, a simple exam table in its center and a set of windows peering out toward the bay. The sun was slowly sinking toward the water now, casting the cabinet-lined walls with rich orange and purple hues. Only now did you realize the lights weren’t on, the panic you’d entered the room with quick to steal your attention from such details.

As you took another step back, wiping your face with the backs of your hands, you turned your focus back to Kylo. You were mad at him. He didn’t get to throw a fit right now. You did.

But before you could start, Kylo spoke, his voice deathly and haunted as he did. “Then who do you want to do this with?”

“What are you talking about, Kylo?”

“You said you didn’t want to do this with me. That implies there is another who you would rather be doing this with.” His face was forged in impenetrable steel, and yours was warped with exasperated confusion.

“Yeah, I don’t want to do this with you. Fuck, no I don’t want to fuck you right now. I don’t want to be fucked by you right now.”

He was entirely off base, and it sent a wave of quiet outrage through you that he couldn’t see why you were so angry with him.

He ground his teeth together, so hard it seemed likely he would crack a molar. The scarred side of his face hitched in a snarl when he whispered, “The physician, right? That would make the most sense. You wanted to fuck him before.”

“Hey!” you barked, stomping a pace toward him, utterly dumbfounded by how he was missing the point. “You don’t get to call me a slut. You know what? You don’t get to be mad right now. You don’t get to imply that I want to fuck anyone other than you just because your fragile ego can’t take that I don’t want to fuck you right now, that I don’t want you to touch me right now because…”

Thoughts were somehow coming too quickly and leaving too soon as you floundered in front of him. When you didn’t speak, when your hands grasped for the words that you couldn’t find, your eyes settled on the rigid flow of his breathing. And then lower to the fists at his sides, flexing and unflexing as the room settled into silence.

“You don’t get to be mad,” you said, and it was a quiet murmur from your lips but the room around you boomed as they left you. “You don’t get to be mad right now because I…” And it took a final moment, one where his eyes lit at the threat of more silence, but you finally understood what you were feeling. “You don’t get to be mad right now because I am more than your fuck toy.”

“Of course you are—,”

“No!” you interrupted, flinging a hand just inches from his chest. “You talk so much about how I need you and how I need to trust you first, but how can I when you won’t respect… me?”

Kylo’s nostrils flared, and you saw the heave of breath that left him, but he kept quiet. So you continued. “You don’t respect me. Or maybe you do and you just suck at showing it. Because you called me here, you alerted me that there was something wrong and I thought you were dead, alright? I thought you were hurt and that you were bleeding out and that if I didn’t get to you in time that you were going to die and that it would be my fault.”

“I’m fine. There’s nothing wrong,” he said, voice laden with visceral restraint.

“And that’s the whole problem, don’t you see?” You bored one last stabbing glare into his eyes, and then rage clutched at your chest. A whiny, tired roar tore through your throat. “I’m such a joke. I… I can’t do anything. I’ve lost so much time and opportunity being assigned to you that I never learned how to do anything right! And you don’t care! You don’t care that I’m working under a preceptor who graduated the same month I did. You don’t care that I’m here, working unpaid shifts so I can prove to the Board that even if I’m unfit for practice, I am still worthy of life.”

Breath burned your throat, but it never seemed to fill your lungs. Kylo glared at you, a cold, flat expression dulling his features. You didn’t care. He needed to hear this. You needed to say it.

“I sprinted here from the Infirmary, and all I could think about was that I couldn’t lose you. That I wouldn’t live in a world where I wasn’t with you.” His brow narrowed at that, but you couldn’t stop. “And when I got here and you were okay, I felt like I could breathe again. But then you start with your Force-fucking bullshit and made me realize that you will never take me seriously. None of this will ever matter to you – not the fact that I won’t ever practice again, not the fact that you caused me to miss an IV, not the fact that that got me humiliated in front of a whole floor of staff who will forever know me as Kylo Ren’s Provider, the girl with the red embroidery and the too-short uniform.”

You hadn’t noticed, but your hand had gone to trace the embroidery you’d just mentioned, and when you flung your hand away, you saw a flicker of something unfamiliar in Kylo’s eyes.

A bitter, cold laugh croaked out of you. “Do you know who I’m working under? Does the name Calliope Silvren sound familiar to you?” You eyed him, and when he didn’t speak, you nearly barked at him, “Do you know who she is, Kylo?”

“No,” he said, and it sounded like the truth, but it didn’t matter to you if it was or not.

“Calliope Silvren is everything I was supposed to be. She’s everything I’m not, and… and she’s the one you are supposed to be fucking!”

“What are you talking about?” He ended the question with a tense cut of your name.

“Because I was your little fascination, right?” You scoffed, rolling your eyes at the thought as your vision blurred with tears. “I was nothing more than a game to you, and she was the one who was supposed to be assigned to you.” Gulps of breath hiccupped in your throat. “She wouldn’t have gotten herself into this situation!” The heels of your hands dug into your eyes, and you realized you were trembling. “Calliope fucking Silvren wouldn’t have taken the blood from that fridge, and she wouldn’t have fucked her Commander! Calliope fucking Silvren wouldn’t have named a stormtrooper and she wouldn’t have gotten raped and she wouldn’t have killed anyone!”

Something hard and cold cracked across your knees, and your hands fell out in front of you. The floor. Your legs had given out and you were sobbing uncontrollably on the sterile, frigid floor.

With a stuttering chest, you hugged your knees and cried into them. “I was never supposed to be here, none of this was supposed to happen. I was supposed to graduate and work in the Stormtrooper Hub and live a boring, mundane life.” Crushing pain flooded your chest, and your next words were nastier than you meant them to be. “A boring, mundane life where I fucked the physician until the day I died.” You looked up at him, then, and he was only a blurry outline of black and orange and purple. “Because that’s what I am to you, right? Just some slut who fucks all the men in her life.”

You scraped at your wet, burning eyes and a sob hitched in your throat. Kylo looked down at you, and you could feel the violent emotion that lived in his blackened eyes. But he said nothing, and when the silence pressed into you, the thought that came to mind was too loud to keep inside.

But that riotous thought came out on the meager dying breath of a whisper. “If your biggest concern right now is that I want to fuck Mason, then I have… I have deluded myself into believing that you care for me. That you ever cared for me.” The truth of it burned your tongue, and your chest ached for the death of the future you’d come running for.

Kylo didn’t look away from you for a long moment, and though he remained guarded, you saw something tense in his eyes. It wasn’t anger but sorrow. Sorrow and fear hidden behind a cracked mask. But then the notch in his throat moved and he turned away.

Anticipating his departure, you shut your eyes and braced yourself for the hydraulic hiss. Memories of the past few months flooded your mind’s eye, and you questioned if all this time it had been one-sided and imagined. The idea tore through you, and your chest hollowed when you thought of all the times you’d considered so dear could have only been ploys so he could control you, so he’d have access to his little fascination whenever he wanted.

The storm of thoughts overwhelmed you, but when you heard a drawer-release in the distance, muffled by the blood pounding through your skull, you lifted your head and opened your eyes to find Kylo hadn’t left. He was looking at you from across the room, his face haunted with a stabbing emotion you couldn’t quite place. His hands, glove-free now, held something, and when you caught view of it Kylo started toward you.

He didn’t stop until he stood just a stride in front of you, and when you stared up at him you saw his jaw was set, yet anger remained absent from him, still that sorrowful fear, but now it was softer, yielding. He took a silent breath, his shoulders rising evenly, and then you gasped and jolted upright as he folded himself to the floor before you and sat.

You gulped, gawking at him, noting he held an… IV starter kit?

“What are you doing?” you asked, taking in how awkward his massive form looked as he sat with his legs open and his knees slightly bent.

He said nothing, dropping the IV kit to the floor between his legs and proceeding to unclasp and shrug off the top layers of his uniform. He watched his hands while doing so, allowing you to observe him without the weight of his eyes pressing into you. He kept his eyes away until his chest was bare and you saw his biceps flex and flow as he placed the last of his clothing to the side.

Kylo picked up the sealed kit with one hand and your own in his other. He clasped the kit into your palm and pinned you with his gaze. “You are not a fascination,” he stated, clarity ringing in his voice.

He dropped your hand, only after squeezing it between his own, and then gripped the sides of your thighs and pulled you between his spread legs. You swallowed, heart thumping hard when he positioned your face just a breath from his.

He never looked away from you, and you couldn’t take your eyes from his, so when he next spoke you felt each powerful word kiss your cheeks and sink into your soul. “You are the light that has shown me my way.”

All at once, your heart stopped. Words refused to form. The harsh knit of his brow softened, and he lifted his forearm to rest on his flexed knee. With an unsteady, almost nervous emotion, he said, “You have not deluded yourself,” your name was a faint yearn off his tongue. “I care for you.”

He held his palm open and up, and the tips of his fingers played with the tab of the kit still resting in your hand, slight tremors coursing through your fingers. “Make this even. Use this,” he nudged the plastic container again, “and right the wrong I caused.”

It took a moment for your mouth to catch up with your brain, and when you finally spoke, your voice was small and weak. “I don’t know what you think will be proven by me placing an IV in your arm.”

“Just do it,” he urged, “because this won’t work unless you trust me, and-,”

“I can’t trust you if you don’t tell me what “this” is, Kylo,” you said, and it was louder than you’d meant for it to be. But you peeled open the kit and scooted back from Kylo so you could begin prodding at his arm for a good vein.

As you looked, finding bountiful fat, bouncy, obvious veins poking just under his skin, you felt him watching you. He pumped his hand a few times, and the sight of his veins and muscles swirling and popping dizzied you for a moment, a steady pulse now throbbing between your thighs. When your fingers danced down one particular vein, the one you’d admired while he slept this morning, you pressed against its spongey prominence and trailed it all the way down to his wrist.

“Your veins are literal artwork,” you sighed, but you hadn’t meant to say that out loud.

There was a fragment of amusement in Kylo’s brow, but he brushed over your compliment like you wished he would. “If I tell you what “this” is, “this” won’t work.”

“Then I guess I won’t trust you,” you said, sassy and defiant.

“Mm, that won’t work for either of us,” he rumbled, and you wanted to slap him for his sly tone.

You flicked his vein and reached for the kit, but there were no gloves, and you needed a saline flush. And an alcohol wipe. “You know, it’s a bad look when you come ill-prepared for any procedure,” you said, looking at him before standing and searching for your supplies, “it makes you look like you have no idea what you’re doing.” Once you had what you needed, you gave him a pointed stare as you walked back to him, looking down at him as you said, “It creates a lack of trust between patient and provider.”

There was that whispered amusement in his brow again, the same in the set of his mouth. “What happens if the provider doesn’t trust the patient?”

“Then the patient gets a dose of Ativan and goes to sleep so the provider can do her job effectively.” You knelt within the cradle of his hips again and repositioned his arm so you had better access to it. Using the cleanser provided in the kit, you scrubbed his arm, a bit more forcefully than you needed to, but it wouldn’t hurt him. And if it did… so be it.

You could feel the humor he found in your feisty comments. It irked you. You continued, staring him dead in the eye while you snapped the rubber tourniquet above his elbow. “Or if the chemical restraint isn’t appropriate, there’s always good old-fashioned mechanical ones.”

“Is that what you want to do to me, nurse?” Kylo purred, and even though it was infuriating that he was leaning into your anger, the tone of his voice made your legs quiver. “You want to tie me up and have your way with me?” Kylo hummed and it went straight to your center. “Seems like I’d have to trust my provider for that to occur.”

“You have no reason not to trust your provider,” you said blandly, priming the extension tubing with saline.

“And what do blatant lies do to your all-important patient-provider relationship?”

That stopped you. And what squeezed something deep in your heart were the hard eyes you found when looking back to him. You swallowed a gasp, your throat bobbing harshly. “What are you saying?”

“You know what I’m saying.” There was a cautious chill to his tone, like he fully believed what he was alluding to.

It wilted your insides. “You think I lie to you? You think I’ve lied to you?”

“You have. Many times. You’re lying to me even now.” Without taking his eyes from yours, Kylo nudged the open IV kit. “Continue. You’re getting to my favorite part.”

“I’m not going to continue. I can’t. Not after you tell me you… tell me you think I’m lying to you.”

“Continue and I’ll explain.” He was all too casual for what he was saying, and the half-grin he gave you was more alarming than comforting. “A compromise.”

A deep breath did nothing to fill your lungs, but you gave him a small nod and turned back to his arm. The tourniquet had been on for a while, and you’d rather not bruise your pride further from a blown vein so you released the knot.

“I’m letting those veins rest for a few minutes.” You swallowed, tugging at your bottom lip with your teeth. “Explain, I guess.”

Again, he didn’t look angry with you, and you didn’t know what to think of the firm calmness he was exhibiting. But he tightened his jaw for a moment and began.

“To start, the first night you were assigned to me. You weren’t there. And I’m sure you remember the outcome of that.”

Heat rose to your cheeks as you remembered him pulling your head back as water rocketed down your throat, burning your lungs. A shiver slid down your back. “I apologized for that. And it technically wasn’t a lie, as I explained that same night. Your ship got back early.”

“And then the time you stumbled in drunk in the middle of the night.” He went on as if you hadn’t said anything, and you swore there was a faint fond smile tugging at his lips.

“I apologized for both of those occurrences. And, in my defense, you hadn’t shown up for curfew until the night I got home late. You were never there, not when I got home and not when I left for the medbay. I didn’t see you for a week.”

“But I saw you,” he said, and it struck you silent. “My training with Snoke was unpredictable, but I always found myself… checking to see if you were there. It was always in the early hours of the morning when I got back, so you were sleeping.” He swallowed hard before he spoke again, like he didn’t want to admit whatever it was. “I liked seeing you so peaceful. You were never peaceful around me.”

You stared at him in awe, the tourniquet limp in your hand, and no words dared come to mind as he continued.

“So when you weren’t there the night I’d finally made it home before midnight, something in me… I realized that you’d started to mean something more to me. More than the fascination I thought you were.” His eyes were practically burning now, and your heart squeezed tight in your chest. “And then I carried you to your bed and saw you’d kept my cape from the previous week. And I knew if I allowed myself to let you keep it, that I’d be permitting whatever I felt then to give into that more. So I took the cape, and I decided that would be the end of it.” His throat bobbed. “I wanted that to be the end of it.”

Truthfully, your head was swimming in all he was saying. You didn’t know how to deal with it, and you found yourself staring at the floor, thinking back to that night a few months back, thinking about how you’d wanted him to stay. And now it was more haunting, knowing that he’d felt similar to you then, and you’d just accused him of never caring for you.

Kylo’s large hand came into view and tugged gently on the limp tourniquet threaded through your fingers. “My veins have rested long enough. Continue.”

The weight of his eyes was back and it took a moment to take yours away and focus back on his arm. Sitting between his legs was… nice, but it would be awkward angling a needle from this position. So you fixed yourself to straddle his thigh, sitting back on your heels and resting his hand palm-up on your thigh.

“Comfortable?” Kylo asked, and you heard his slight grin in the word.

“Shut up,” you grumbled, extremely aware of the heat of his leg pressing against your sex, against the pair of briefs you took from him this morning.

“I thought you wanted me to explain?”

You sucked your teeth and snapped the tourniquet in place in the same second. A low chuckle rumbled from Kylo, and you felt heat rise to your cheeks, so confused by his casual demeanor.

Gliding a gloved finger along your chosen vein, you whispered, “Continue,” before activating the cleansing sponge and scrubbing along his arm vigorously.

His nails brushed along your inner thigh and you swallowed a gasp, but when you grabbed the needle, he spoke up. “When we got back to Starkiller, and you chose to stay in the medbay after seeing what that stormtrooper had done.” Kylo broke off, deep, seething anger simmering along the mention of Robbie. “The next morning I found you’d slept there, completely open to harm from anyone who wanted to cause it—”

“Those doors are coded to badge access. I was fine.”

“So was your residence, but he found a way, didn’t he?” The harshness of his tone stole your focus, and you found his set jaw and knew that harshness wasn’t for you, but for the one he spoke of. “You weren’t safe and when I found you’d slept there that night, I was…”

Kylo looked at you with hard eyes, and you thought you knew what he wanted to say – or what he couldn’t say, really. “You were… concerned?”

“No,” he said, “I was enraged.” He swallowed. “Not with you, or that stormtrooper. With myself.”

The intensity of his gaze was too much, so you looked down and turned the bevel of the needle upward and began to angle it against his skin. “Why,” you whispered, voice a mere rasp.

“Because I should have killed him the moment we landed back on Starkiller.”

The words boomed through the small room, the rich violet of the sinking sun curling around the chilled tone of Kylo’s voice. A halo of fire lit his folded frame from behind, and you thought it matched that which now lived in the molten amber of his eyes. You realized in that moment that Kylo blamed himself for Robbie, and he’d just told you a truth he’d known for a long time.

You went to speak, but his other hand came to the one you grasped the needle with and pressed so the metal tip advanced beneath his skin. A curse fell from your agape mouth when his touch left and you saw blood return, advancing the IV catheter quickly and watching as crimson threatened to spill out. You released the tourniquet and fumbled with the extension tubing, securing it and flushing the vein with saline, something of pride and relief spreading through your chest as you met no resistance.

The next steps went by quickly – clamping the tubing, placing the transparent dressing over top, securing with extra tape, and slipping off your gloves – but you felt Kylo’s eyes on you the whole time. He was patient, and he shifted his leg and made you wince as it hit just the right spot, so when you finished gathering your trash and looked up again, you didn’t expect to find him with an expression of such… fondness. Still tense, but strong and unyielding, reverent almost.

“What he did to… to me, it is not your fault, Kylo.” You clasped your hand over his that rested on your thigh.

“It’s not your fault,” Kylo corrected, and you knew he meant it. He squeezed your hand and pulled you nearer, his leg pressing into that bundle of nerves and making you shiver. “And maybe it’s not mine either, but that doesn’t change the fact that I wanted to kill him.”

“Why does that matter?”

He took a long pause and sighed, searching your eyes and looking at your lips when he said, “I shouldn’t have cared that he hurt you, or that he took you out in the first place. I shouldn’t have cared that you didn’t consider that I would have kept you safe, or that I would have wanted you with me that night and not alone on a freezing exam table.” He swallowed. “And I should never have cared so much that you went to McCarty the next night, even when you’d agreed to come to me.”

You licked your lips, unsure when you said, “I was scared that the Board would see me on surveillance. You knew that.”

“Yes,” he said and huffed out something that resembled a tired laugh. “I knew that and yet I still wanted you with me. Because I am selfish and consider you something of an invaluable piece of me.”

A piece of him, you thought, dizzied by the outpouring of truth he was allowing. You skated your thumb along the veins of his hand, heart racing as the sun continued to set behind him. In a whisper, you asked, “But why should you have never cared about… those things? I… I like that you cared about them.”

He leaned into you after a slow second, and his forehead met yours. His breath warmed your face before he said, “I should never have cared about them because it meant that I cared about you. That I care about you.” He said, and when you gasped you felt him shudder. “I care about you, and that makes you a pawn in games you aren’t even aware of. And that isn’t your choice. It is wholly unfair to you for me to make you a target for my enemies.”

“I think I know at least one of the games I’m a pawn in,” you said, voice so shaky you could barely recognize it. He stilled, and you took one hand from his and grasped the back of his neck, threading your fingers through his sun-emblazoned hair. “And Kylo, what if it is my choice?”

“Then I am every bit the monster people know me to be.” Kylo said it more to himself, and you wondered why he sounded so haunted in that moment.

“You’re not a monster, Kylo. At least, you aren’t my monster.”

“No, you killed him.”

“Yes,” you swallowed, and you couldn’t help the hesitance that crept into your voice. “I did.”

Kylo lifted his head from yours then, and you knew he wanted you to keep your eyes on his as he said, “I say that because it’s true and you shouldn’t feel shame for doing so. I told you I wanted to kill him, but I didn’t know how satisfying it would be to hear you say you’d done it yourself.”

“You’re proud that I killed him?”

“I am proud that you did not hesitate.” He swallowed, eyes haunted once more. “I am proud that you recognized your enemy, and you knew what it would take to beat him.”

You didn’t say a word, but you nodded, sliding your hand from his nape to his chest. You searched his eyes as he looked down to where his hand was, and you felt his fingertips find the raised, off-color skin of the initials he’d branded you with. He knit his brow just slightly, and you moved your hand to cup his scarred cheek. He spent several more seconds gazing at the scar he’d given you, but his gaze found yours soon enough.

“I’ll tell you something that I shouldn’t like.” His eyes narrowed a small measure. With the pad of your thumb running along the curve of his healing scar, the black-and-white stitching still there but lesser, you admired him for a long, quiet moment. He continued to trace along your scar, and his leg shifted again, your breath catching before you could stop it.

“You told me you like my scars already.”

A slight smile tilted your lips to the side, but you spoke with little amusement when you whispered, “I like my scar, too.”

Kylo went utterly still, and then he slid his hand up so his heated palm closed over the raised letters on your thigh. “When I did this, I didn’t know…”

“You weren’t supposed to know,” you murmured, and your heart sank to your gut as memories of that horrid day flooded back, images of Snoke’s mangled existence, echoes of Mason’s pained screams ringing through your commlink.

“I could have known.” Again there was no anger in his tone, but something aching, regretful almost.

You brushed a few stray curls back from his face and smoothed a thumb along his temple. “Snoke would have killed Mason. He was monitoring your thoughts that entire day. I had no choice. I told you this yesterday.”

“And as I told you earlier, I am selfish.” He shrugged his shoulders slightly at the same moment you felt his thumb swipe the inside of your thigh. “You could have told me, right after you’d met with him. That’s why you weren’t home when I returned, wasn’t it?” You nodded and he went on. “I should have known something was wrong the second you got back to the Finalizer residence.”

“No you shouldn’t have. That’s the point—”

“No, the point is that you don’t trust me.”

“No, the point is that I couldn’t tell you or imply anything was wrong because Mason—”

“I do not care about McCarty,” Kylo nearly barked, but it was a reined in response by the way his voice lowered at the end. “I don’t care about anyone apart from you, and no matter how duty-bound you felt to protect your friend, you should have come to me.”

“And what would you have done but gotten him killed and risked my life in the process?”

“I will never risk your life,” Kylo seethed, his hand clamping over the scar he’d made. “But that’s the one thing you’re willing to gamble away at any sign of trouble for others, isn’t it?”

“What are you implying?”

“I’m not implying anything, I’m only speaking the truth when I say that you are so focused on trying to save everyone around you, that you fail to see how often you jeopardize yourself.” His nostrils flared, but the grip on your thigh lightened, and you didn’t feel threatened by him at all. “I have to be selfish because you will always be recklessly selfless.”

“And is that such a bad thing? I’ve saved two people, three if you count yourself, while being oh so recklessly selfless.”

Kylo’s face fell into incredulity. “And you now have the sweet promise of three more weeks with a pulse. And the added bonus of a chancefor more, but with the swift revocation of your license for however long you live afterward.”

The truth stung, but not quite so much as it did coming from him. “So, what? I should stop helping people?”

“I will never ask that of you,” he stated. “But I do ask that you not get yourself killed in the process.”

“Like you said, it’s probably too late for that.”

He looked at you hard and long, chewing his tongue. His eyes narrowed and he swallowed, staring at you with a thousand thoughts whirling in his gaze. He cleared his throat and fixed his features so he was no longer studying you so much as he was admiring you. Sultry eyes landed on your lips, and the hand over your thigh tightened, his other coming to mirror over your remaining thigh. He reared his leg upward and you yelped as the sudden friction settled into your clit, your torso slamming into the hard muscle of his chest so your arms were flung around his neck.

Kylo shifted you over his thigh, inching you up and back over the hard, thick muscles. His head turned so you felt his nose trace over the shell of your ear, his lips catching your ear lobe for a moment before you sighed from the pleasure of his movements.

He let you breathe for a moment, your fingers dipping into the curl of hair at his nape, his warm breath heating your neck. “Are you trying to distract me?”

“Not entirely,” he rumbled, his thigh inching up another measure, his hands pulling, grinding you against him. A small, contented moan fled your lips when another rush of heat coiled in your belly. “But if I were, I’d say I’m doing a good job of it.”

Your hips shifted of their own volition, a seethe rushed past your teeth, and you felt the day’s torture rush up all at once. Hours and hours of being led and teased with the Force, withstanding Kylo’s earlier intentions to catapult you into ecstasy. Being so close to him now, the heat of his bare chest sinking through the material of your uniform, your thighs straddled against the muscles he’d trained over years and years – you felt yourself giving into his touch.

And maybe it was because of everything he’d just told you, but you felt… better about allowing him to pleasure you now. There was less of an overarching sense that you were nothing but a toy for him. The idea of giving into him now, letting yourself go and enjoying the feel of his massive form under you, it felt good. It felt different from before, and even though you still had questions, mostly pertaining to why he was here in the first place, you knew you wouldn’t deny yourself or him any longer.

As you held onto him, he rocked you back and forth along the length of his thigh, rubbing you just right, keeping a sweet pace and listening as you let out tiny gasps from each synchronized roll of your hips.

“I was angry that I’d allowed myself to feel so much,” he breathed onto your neck as he kept his pace with your hips. “I couldn’t stand the thought that I meant nothing to you, that I was nothing to you.” You felt the flicker of orgasm as your body began to tense, his words an urging caress. “So I marked you as my own, and I watched you bear the pain of it in near silence. I wanted you to react, to scream at me with the shattering rage I knew in that moment. But you didn’t. You were so quiet and still…”

Your arms were going limp around his neck, so you slumped into him. Kylo curled his head further so his lips were pressed against your ear, his voice no louder than the breath of a whisper. “I thought about how just hours before, I’d felt your tears stream down my back, and I couldn’t shake the thought that you’d betrayed me so thoroughly for so long. I was so angry, I couldn’t see you. I couldn’t think of what it meant that you were silent while I cut into you with every ill-intent I felt in that moment. I was blinded by your betrayal, but also my own, because I knew better than to allow myself to get so involved with someone, because I was bested by a weakness that never should have existed. The weakness I created.”

Tendrils of release crept up your chest and you rode the edge of pleasure as your breath panted against his skin and he ground you harder into him. His teeth pulled at your ear lobe and shivers quaked outward along your neck and spine, his touch and words a separate charge toward pleasure.

“You don’t have weaknesses, Kylo,” you panted, barely recognizing your voice. “You are not weak.”

“No, I am not,” he breathed, kissing the hinge of your jaw, “but you are a weakness of mine, a piece of me, and a target because of it.” You whimpered against him as your body sprinted toward sweet release, losing grip on that last fraying string of sanity when Kylo said, his voice ragged and raw, “And I am selfish enough to ask that you trust me. Trust that I will never risk you even though I am a risk to you, because you are an extension of me, and I will defend you as I would my very own flesh and blood.”

In that moment, you felt more than the sexual bliss of orgasm, sinking deeply into the rasped words he’d given life from his tongue, but were born from his heart. His heart that beat so steadily when you lay against it, the heart you’d ran toward so often, even when you hadn’t realized it. Euphoria pulsed through your body as every word and breath he’d just gifted raced around your mind, leaving you to settle into him as you returned to the present.

“Be selfish,” you murmured, breathing heavily. “I will trust you. I do trust you.”

The strength of his arms tight against your back, pulling you into him, was as shocking as it was calming. He was holding onto you, not just holding you, but keeping you to him as tightly and surely as he could.

Through closed eyes you knew the sun would soon be hidden from the sky and taken over by night, but you didn’t care that time was passing. Because as your breath fell into step with Kylo’s own, time might as well have stopped existing.

“Why are you seeing McCarty tomorrow?”

Although the words were quiet, even as he spoke directly against your ear, their sudden presence spread like ice water over your heated skin. It’s not that he spoke with any harsh emotion, just that it shocked the silence you’d been nestled into. The room settled as you took a few more silent moments, but then it occurred to you that you’d never told him that.

“How do you know that I’m seeing him tomorrow?”

Neither of you moved, and you even toyed with a black curl as he said, “I told you I didn’t need to be near you anymore to… sense you.” He sighed, and it melted along the length of your spine. “I heard you at breakfast this morning. Talking to Hux’s provider.”

Swallowing, you braced your hands on his shoulders so you could peel away from him. He didn’t go easily, not tightening his hold but not letting you go either. The palms of your hands pressed gently into the warm skin of his chest, and soon your eyes found his in the faltering light of day. With a kiss of deep purple still hazing through the room, you searched his gaze with your own, and you wondered if the conversation you’d shared with Talia had anything to do with why he was here.

But there was more to that conversation than your plans to see Mason, and you needed to know how much he’d heard. “How does this… sensingthing work? It’s the Force, right?”

Kylo nodded, his hands resting on the curve of your hips. “It’s developed over time. The first time it was like I could hear you speaking right against my ear, but it was like the connection was weak. I could hear you, but it was unclear.”

Slight heat nipped at your cheeks. “It was the morning after I stayed with you on Starkiller, right?” The morning you’d rode your fingers like they were Kylo’s as you wore the briefs he’d put out for you.

“That was a great morning for both of us, I think.”

“I like how easy you’re being right now,” you whispered, and you weren’t sure if you meant to say that aloud.

“I can be hard if you want me to. I am, actually. Very.” A smirk lit his face and he led one of your hands down to the hard press of his prominent erection along the fly of his pants.

“I’m sure we’ll get to that later,” you said, glancing a thumb along his length before placing your hand back on his chest.

“If you’re sure,” he mumbled, and he leaned in to brush his lips against the base of your neck. He pulled away and looked at you, a finger now tracing the length of the “K” etched into your thigh. “Now, though, if I want, I can hear you however far away you are, and it’s like you’re standing next to me.” He cleared his throat and narrowed his eyes, their focus landing on your lips when he said, “I think due to the strengthening of the connection…”

His heart skipped under your palm. It startled you so much you had to stop yourself from flinching. His heart skipped… for me. “Our connection is… stronger now?”

He swallowed, his heart steadied, and he murmured into the dying light, “I want it to be stronger.”

“Why? If you can hear me clearly, why would it need to be strengthened?”

Kylo lifted a hand so it smoothed over one side of your face and found its way to the nape of your neck. “I can hear your words, what you say out loud and to others. But not your thoughts. Never your thoughts.” His expression was far away for a moment, his thumb pressing idle circles along the length of your throat. “Sometimes, though, I feel what you feel. Only recently.”

“What I feel?”

“Strong emotions, mostly.” Kylo continued to stare over your shoulder, and something dark and dangerous settled in his jaw when he paused. “The first time I could recognize it for what it was – recognize it was you– was just before Starkiller fell. It was right after I’d been struck. I remember blinking up, blinking blood out of my eye as I was flat on my back willing myself to get up, and through the pain of my injuries came this surge of…” His nose scrunched, and his lip lifted into something of a snarl. “It felt like I was on fire. Not my face or my side. But like the Force was burning through my whole body. And then I heard you, like you were screaming right next to me, and you were screaming at someone to get off of you.”

Kylo paused, his chest entirely still, like breathing was hard where his mind had taken him. His hand dropped from your nape and absently curled around your wrist, toying with the band of your watch. The pad of your thumb drew slowly along his sternum, and you watched the warm amber of his irises drown in a stark, frigid black.

“And then I wasn’t burning. I felt my own injuries again, and I was no longer trying to move. I was laid out on my back, Starkiller crumbling all around me, and the only thought I had was that…” Kylo shuddered, the hand around your wrist stilled, and his jaw hardened to steel. “I thought you were dead. And I didn’t know why, but that thought stalled me. I should never have cared for you, but especially not then, not when I thought you’d betrayed me.”

Kylo looked at you then, the very last remnants of the sun a muted halo behind him, and whatever breath remaining in your lungs fled under his searing gaze. “I sent a signal to your watch, but that burning didn’t come back.” He swallowed. “You were dead, and I couldn’t… I wouldn’t move. I knew I had to, but all I did was fall into the absence of that burning. The absence of you.”

Once more you thought of how Kylo had looked at you in the dark of the Command Shuttle, remembered how you thought it was wonder or shock. With an ember of breath you croaked, “You thought I was dead.” Such a redundant statement, but you said it and you felt the haunt of that awed expression die away. “You thought I was dead, but then…”

“Then you were there, and I thought I had died.” Kylo slid his hand up your palm and clasped his fingers around yours, squeezing tight and pressing it to the middle of his chest. Just above his heart. “But then I heard your voice again, but it was different. You weren’t in my head, but you were with me. I tried to reach out to you, but I couldn’t. I warred in my mind until I realized you were there, but I wasn’t.”

“The coma.” Kylo had tried to reach out to your voice. You’d thought he hated you then, that he wouldn’t want to be violated by the one who had wounded him so deeply. He told you he’d heard you days ago, but knowing he wantedyou there, even if he never said otherwise – it struck through to your soul.

“I could just barely feel your hands. I heard everything you said and it was agony. To be there, listening to you blame yourself, hearing the guilt and pain in your voice – and not be able to do anything? It felt like I was burning from the inside out.”

Before you could process it, a hand was behind your nape and your mouth was against his. It wasn’t a violent kiss, no thrashing tongues or frantic lips; rather, it was a kiss full of dead regrets and roiling anguish. Kylo claimed your mouth in a slow, steady pace set by a war between pain and need. It was a kiss of mourning and grief.

His lips left yours but only enough so when you breathed, yours would glance off of them. He panted and swallowed, and the hand keeping yours to his chest spread your fingers so you could feel the deep, steady thump of his heart beneath them.

“But that moment, it was me burning, not you. Just before you left, when I felt your lips on mine and pleaded with my body to finally come back to me, your presence was like a salve. It found me through the darkness, and it calmed me, quieted the flames roaring in my mind, and it steadied me.”

As close as he was, he found your eyes, and you felt them sink deeply into your own. “You couldn’t have given me more,” he kissed your name to your lips, “because when I woke up, when I found my body and felt the braids, it was all real to me. You were real to me.” Kylo paused, breathed, and his heart skipped beneath your hand. “You couldn’t have given me more. You were alive. There will never be anything more than that.” He kissed you again, and this time it was hungry, ravenous as he stole your breath and claimed your mouth. “It was everything. It is everything.”

Words were thick in your throat, heavy in your mind, but the whole of what came from your parted lips, between the soft pants of breath that fell from them as he continued to nod his own full mouth into yours, were sighs and gasps of contentedness. In his arms, right now, after all was said and all was done, you thought for a moment that should you have died, you would have gone happily.

It was a feat to pull away from him, but you did, and you watched as the purple and orange of the sun wasted away behind him. “I am seeing Mason tomorrow because he’s letting me grab some clothes for the trial. And he’s been weird since Starkiller. And weirder since getting to Canto Bight. I know you don’t like him much, but he’s important to me, and I need to talk to him.” Kylo’s lashes lowered after his heavy gaze pulled away from you, the hand on your nape going back to trace the scar on your thigh. “Is that why you really came here? Because you overheard me this morning talking about visiting him?”

For a moment he remained quiet, the faintest touch of his fourth finger kissing your skin, but he looked up to you and found your eyes. “I’m here because you were still concerned with the Board, and even Hux, and knew if that was true, that it would also be true that you hadn’t listened to me. That you still didn’t trust me.”

“Kylo—”

“I should never have expected you to trust me so blindly, not after I’ve given you countless reasons not to.” He swallowed then, something of an apology knitting his brows together. “But for your own safety, you cannot know everything—”

“About the elusive “this” you keep referencing?”

“Yes,” he said, and his voice was clear and adamant. “By whatever means, you will survive this trial. Trust in that.”

“Okay,” you said, and you meant it. He’d said a lot today. It was enough. For now, at least. “But may I propose something that maybe you haven’t thought of?”

With a deep, cleansing breath, you took both his hands and dropped them in your lap, dismounting his leg and once more settling in the cradle of his thighs, propped on your knees as you met him with an unfaltering stare. “I will trust you, but you have to trust me back.” You trailed a finger over the secured IV you’d placed. “Trust me with more than your body. Trust me… wholly.”

Kylo seemed off-put by the thought of that, and he studied you for long, seemingly eternal minutes; he looked conflicted, like he was weighing every outcome of what that meant. When you thought he wouldn’t answer, he cleared his throat and said, “I’ve done that before.”

He had, you knew that, but you needed to say something before he decided he wouldn’t do so again. “And the only reason you stopped was because Snoke weaponized me, used me to get to you so he can have you in his arsenal, at his expense whenever he wants. You are more than that, Kylo. More than his or anyone’s to use. Do not let him win. Not again. Not anymore.”

His jaw steeled as each of your hard words met their mark with deadly precision. And when he spoke next, his tongue was a blade, his tone a sharp, unyielding promise. “He’s already lost. He just doesn’t know yet.”

“So it’s settled. I trust you, you trust me.”

There was hesitance, but he gave a single, curt nod. His brows knit for a moment and then his features seemed to soften. “I can get you clothes. Although, I do prefer you without them.”

Heat rushed to your cheeks, but you knew what he was doing, and as endearing as it was, you wouldn’t yield to him on this. “I’m seeing Mason tomorrow, and no amount of dirty words or pretty clothes will change my mind.” You notched a brow. “You’ll just have to trust me, I guess.”

“Already abusing your power,” he purred, and he pulled you into him so your legs opened and splayed over his hips and behind him. “Don’t make me regret this decision.” His tongue traced along your carotid, followed by the plush press of his lips. “At least, not so soon.”

He pushed a hand into your hair and turned your neck to the side, sucking the tender skin until he surely left a mark. His teeth skated along the hinge of your jaw, his lips trailing up your chin until his skillful tongue pushed past the seam of your mouth. It found yours and led you into a breathtaking whirl of sensation. You moaned into him, loving his weighted breath, feeling his cock harden beneath, growing as you rolled your hips into him.

He hummed, slipping his tongue away and sucking your bottom lip, your hands leading into his thick, midnight locks as the room settled in the darkness of night. He nudged his nose into you and teased your lips again, chuckling as you leaned into his efforts and chased his toying mouth.

“Tell me one more thing,” he hummed, and his tone was decadent and rich, a pulse of heat lighting between your legs.

“Anything, Kylo,” you sighed, finally catching his mouth and biting his bottom lip.

“Were you going to mention that your friend is pregnant with the General’s illegitimate kid, or were you hoping I didn’t catch onto that part of your talk this morning?”

Well. If anything was going to kill the mood, that was it.

“You know,” you sighed, bracing yourself on his shoulders and pulling out of his embrace, “as much as I dislike General Hux, mentioning him doesn’t count as dirty talk.”

Kylo chuckled deep in his chest, and his mouth was twisted in a lopsided smirk. He insisted again, not a fowl note in his voice, “Were you going to tell me?”

“It wasn’t my news to tell.” You shoved his shoulder. “And it’s not yours either, understand?”

“Really? I was looking forward to congratulating him and sharing a few cigars with the father-to-be.” You shoved him again and he laughed, appearing so young as he put his hand atop yours and traced his thumb over the back of your hand. “I don’t plan on telling him. And I don’t care if your friend—”

“You are allowed to call her Talia. You’re also allowed to call him Mason, if you didn’t know.”

“I’m not very fond of being on a first-name basis with someone I don’t plan on ever knowing. As for the physician,” his brow ticked as you frowned at the title he used so often, “I just don’t like him.” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I don’t care if Harper”—you smiled at the compromise—“tells him or not. I’d actually find it quite funny if she kept it from him until the very last second. He could use a good kick in the pants.”

“So, you really won’t tell him, then?” You pushed a lock of hair back from his temple with your free hand.

He sighed exaggeratedly, and the next thing you knew, you were in the air and being lifted to sit on the edge of the exam table, Kylo’s hands resting on the tops of your thighs. “No, I won’t tell the General of his bastard lovechild. Or maybe I will,” he raised a teasing brow, “I guess you’ll just have to trust me.”

“Oh, really?” you challenged, leading the flat of your hand up the rigid muscles of his chest.

“Really,” he breathed in answer, dipping his head and laving his tongue past your lips, stroking it against your own as his hands caught the hem of your uniform and pulled it from the length of your body.

Your hands lifted for him, and soon you were bare – bare to the cool room, bare to the city that sprawled behind you. Bare to him. The only remaining article was his black briefs. His mouth was on your neck, kissing and biting and sucking along your pulse. Large, bold hands slid down the curved lines of your sides, thumbs petting over your belly. Kylo leaned down to your chest, kissing into the tender flesh, mouthing at the swell of your breast until he pulled a nipple into his mouth and tongued over it, around it, until your head fell back and a long, throaty groan left you.

“I need to taste you,” he breathed, taking his mouth from your breast only for a moment.

A needy hand found the back of his neck, and you pulled him closer as you arched into his mouth, into the heat of his tongue trailing to take your other nipple between his plump, scorching lips. He looked up at you, heated amber seeping into your eyes as you saw his mouth move and felt his tongue draw on the tip of your breast.

Kylo smirked when you shuddered against him, and then his hands left you. There was a metallic squeak, and he popped your breast from his mouth. When you looked down at him next, his eyes were full of mischief and a tantalizing glint that made your heart drop.

Kylo had pulled out a set of stirrups that had been locked beneath the table. And by that damn glint in his eye, you knew his every intention. You knew, too, by that very same glint, you wouldn’t need convincing.

“Trust me?” he asked, and the devil lived in the smirk that spread across his face.

“I probably shouldn’t.”

“Much too late for that.”

Kylo leaned forward like a predator readying to strike. First his mouth found yours, kissing you deeply, his hands cupping the back of your neck. Then, he kissed down to your breasts, tonguing a nipple, looking up at you when he bit down. A rumble rolled in the depths of his chest. Large hands smoothed over the curves of your silhouette, gripped your thighs and led you toward the edge of the table.

He stopped for a moment, his chin skimming your soft belly, his gaze a vice grip on your own. And when he had you positioned as he wanted, his thumbs curled into the briefs’ waistline and he pulled them out from under you. Kylo stopped once he uncovered your sex; keeping his eyes on yours, a tether of pure lust between you, he dipped his head and dragged his nose over your mound. His inhale was self-indulgent, slow and torturous, his eyes slipping back before his lids shut, the smell of you seemingly a drug of the highest potency.

Kylo groaned, inhaling a second time, the fog of his exhale flourishing over your tender, slick flesh. He slipped the briefs free from your legs, holding your ankles in one massive, binding hand.

“As much as I enjoy you wearing what’s mine,” he hummed, a hand under each ankle now, and leaned down to join his nose to the supple skin of your inner thigh, dragging ever closer to the pulse now aching to be attended to, “I admit taking it off you is much more satisfying.” His lips pressed into the sensitive flesh, his hot exhale whispering along the top of you slit. “Ask me why that is.”

Heat was enveloping your body, and your breasts heaved as breath came in short, harsh pants, but when you went to speak, Kylo’s tongue distracted you. Just before the question left your lips, he sucked the skin of your inner thigh and bit down. And as you moaned at the heady sensation – that wondrous pleasure pain – his arm encircled the leg already attended to and blindly placed it into the hard cradle of the stirrup. When it was secure, his hand slinked up the length of your body, grasping your breast while he kissed and sucked and nipped at your left thigh.

“Why,” you breathed out, unsure if you said anything, head spinning impossibly.

“Because,” Kylo crooned, muffled against the tissue he mouthed at, “the clothes are mine, but so are you. And I am undone at the sight of what is mine bared and sprawled for my taking.”

Soft, pretty moans slipped from you when he repeated the process of placing your leg in the second stirrup, his words a sweet poison in your thrumming veins. Once you were settled, and after he’d kissed his way up your calf, he stood between your raised legs – the sight of his purely masculine form laving your nerves with anticipation and lust – and watched, perhaps too intently, as he pushed your legs apart until you were sure you’d split in two.

In the light of fresh dusk, the notch in his throat bobbed, the weight of his gaze settled on the sight of your dripping, desperate cunt. Kylo’s tongue dipped into sight momentarily, glinting when it unthinkingly swept over his bottom lip. His eyes remained steady, the flat of his palms lighting sparks along your inner legs, and you watched as he brushed two long fingers down your folds, parting your sex and slipping through the wetness that was welled there.

Finally, his gaze lifted, the scalding, rich amber of his irises melting into you when the thick tips of his fingers prodded your entrance. Kylo watched you, enthralled, as those fingers sunk into you, deeply, wholly, filling you until you writhed around them.

Eager hips lifted from the table, leveraging the stirrups, guiding him that much deeper. He granted your silent wish, grasping one hip and pulling you forward, leading his fingers back and forth, curling them upward and pressing that oh-so-decadent spot in a paced, torturous pattern. You met him with each thrust, slowly rolling your hips, raising your hands to touch and mold your breasts.

A strong thumb found residence over the aching body of your clit, your answering moan unapologetic and entirely too loud. He rolled his hand over and inside you, stroking and filling you so masterfully that you quickly felt the first stirrings of orgasm.

Right when you were poised to cum, you felt it, felt a third finger push into your cunt, the sensation indulgent and overwhelming. It’s like his hand was lodged so full and far in your body that you could feel him in your throat. Kylo continued stroking your nerve as your hands clutched the edges of the exam table, your back arched and head flung back. The room was filled with sounds of sex, the smell of it too, and it all built on what you knew would be a world-shattering release.

“I feel so full, Kylo,” you moaned.

Before he answered, heat crowded your torso, and the brand of his lips burned the line of your breastbone, the hand that filled you never stalling. “You can take more, though.” His nose nudged the base of your breast, his teeth glancing off of the tender tissue. “You can, and you will.”

He didn’t know what he was saying, because there was no way—

“Oh, fuck,” you mewled, throaty and deep, when you felt a fourth finger fill your brimming cunt. “Kylo, there’s… oh, I can feel you… everywhere. You’re everywhere.”

It was no lie, the flow of his four thick, long fingers deep inside your soaked pussy engulfed every nerve you had, and the way his thumb continued to stroke your clit made it so you felt like your soul would float from your body.

But then that thumb left, Kylo moved down the length of your abdomen, kissing and claiming, until you felt his tongue draw against that bundle of nerves. The hand that grasped your hip anchored your writhing body to the table, but the press of his fingers suddenly deepened. Then, just as suddenly, occurring in the very same breath, you felt his thumb join those other four fingers.

A guttural, animal cry born from the deepest depths of your lungs filled the room and shattered against the night-peering transparisteel. His whole hand, fisted and tight, moved against you, filled you unthinkably, and snapped the last coil of sanity that bound your body and soul. His mouth sucked your clit, his tongue striking you with tight, paced licks.

It was all too much, he was too much – his hand, his mouth – your body bowing from the table, legs shaking and sweaty. Every sensation drenched your skin, every shared word blared through your mind, and ecstasy rushed you with a force that rivaled that which precipitated the fall of Starkiller.

Luminous, you were a nebula at the mercy of a black hole. Though you knew the deep pull of him left you broken and breathless, you found yourself surrendering to it, and it called to you just the same. He blazed with darkness while you drowned him with light; in this moment, neither of you could tell where one ended and the other began.

Slowly, the world around you reentered your thoughts. The sound of heavy, breathless pants spilled from your parted lips. A branding heat covered your front, and your hand had at some point come to tangle into Kylo’s hair, scratching the back of his head in idle patterns. There was a slight ache coming from the now vacant space of where he’d just had his hand, but it was pleasant in a way. You opened your eyes, and you couldn’t help your gasp.

The stars were out tonight. They looked so different from when you were in space, far away yet crowding every inch of the evening sky. Clusters twinkled on one end, groups seemingly traveling together. Every so often, as you spent minutes on your back admiring the night’s speckled beauty, a hazy cloud would drift in and out of view. Some were a dusky orange, others a lush violet that cast such complementary shadow over the backdrop of the star-brimming sky.

“The stars are out,” you murmured, melting into the feel of his weight covering you.

Kylo didn’t say anything, but you felt the soft press of his lips dip into your belly. Then lower, and lower. His actions carried no sexual intent, and you soon learned why.

A certain reverence lived in the hand that brushed over the scar etched into your left thigh. Kylo’s thumb swept over the raised, healed lines of his initials, circling the area over and over again. Soon, the warm breath of his exhales grazed the exposed skin, and you gasped when you felt the familiar touch of his lips.

He kissed the flesh there, a kiss of longing, a kiss full of silent… apology? No, not apology. Not sorrow or remorse. It was a kiss of gratitude, and you thought you could hear the soft murmurings of words too quiet to comprehend just as he pressed his lips again to those two precise etchings that would live on you forever.

You lifted your left leg from the stirrup and led it down his back, hooking it around his hips before leading the other in the same path. He looked at you then, and you leaned up and cupped his jaw in your hands before pulling him up and kissing him softly. He held your waist and lowered his head as you moved your mouth against his.

When your hands led down the pane of his abdomen, you broke away from him and held his eyes in your own. Even with so little light, there was something bright about them now, like the smoking embers of a long-burned fire. The scar that cut through his features was healing, you regarded, and you made a mental note to have a physician remove the black-and-white stitching that remained nestled across his cheek.

His eyes narrowed for a second, but he turned away before you could question it. Kylo took your discarded clothes from the floor and helped you redress. His touch was achingly gentle, such a contrast to what you knew he could do to people with the strength imbedded in his soul. Soon the hooks of your bra were met and the light caress of his briefs returned to your hips. You held your arms up as he slid your uniform over your head and onto your waiting body.

“Thank you,” you whispered.

Kylo nodded and began gathering his clothes. You slid from the exam table and slipped your shoes on, wandering to the wall of windows and peering out over the city. It was truly magnificent, especially now that it surrounded you with all the life of night buzzing down below. It carried this silent threat that it could swallow you whole if you allowed it.

Then, from the corner of your eye, you spotted what Quynnland had been staring at so intently. It was closer now, and you could see that it was a large, hollow structure. It was a racing track, like you’d thought, but it was enormous. There was movement inside of it, but even squinting you couldn’t quite catch any detail of what was going on.

Warm hands met your shoulders, and you knew he wore his gloves now. “Why are you staring at the fathier track?”

“Fathiers?” you wondered aloud, leaning into him and clasping a hand over one of his.

“Racing creatures that serve as entertainment to the corrupt wealth that live in this city. Impressive beings, really.” He leaned down and his lips caressed the shell of your ear. “What’s interested you with them?”

“I had a patient today. He told me his brother is there. His kid brother.” You swallowed, offput by the memory of how helpless Quynnland had sounded, had appeared as he told you this. “He asked me to get him away from there.”

Kylo tensed behind you, and a long push of breath fogged the side of your neck. “Always trying to save everyone.”

“I won’t get myself killed. I promise.” You sighed, running your hand down the length of his arm. “Did you take that IV out? You should have let me help.”

“I’m healing, not incapacitated.” Kylo took a step back from you and you turned, seeing him waiting for you at the door. “We should get back to the Consulate. I’m sure your shadow has given her report by now.” A half-smirk pulled his mouth up.

“Why does it look like you think that’s a good thing?” You walked over to him and he activated the door, the two of you stepping out and meandering through unfamiliar halls.

“If he suspects that there is something going on between you and I, Hux would likely use that information when he testifies next week. But, to claim you had inappropriate relations with me would force him to publicly acknowledge that all similar relations between any provider and their assignment are inherently inappropriate…”

Kylo pulled open a door and let you pass, the two of you walking toward a transport docking bay stationed at the top of the medical structure. When you stood in front of a familiar transport, he stopped next to you and you watched as the entrance descended to let you in.

Kylo stepped forward, his boots heavy on the ramp, and he turned and looked at you with features gilded in prideful victory. “As much as Armitage Hux dislikes you and hates me, he is an intelligent man. He would never make himself appear so weak by publicly contradicting himself by shaming you for fucking your assignment when he is actively doing the same with his provider.”

He spoke so powerfully, it was like the night around you had quieted to hear him. You took a breath, all the air having seeped from your lungs under the weight of his adamant eyes. “And you’re sure of that?”

Kylo held out a gloved hand, offered it to you before he said, his voice the deepest caress, “Do you trust me?”

In that moment, with the night cloaking you from the city, with the words he’d earlier spoken echoing around your mind, and the touch he’d painted your body with that was altogether yearning and claiming at once, you knew you did. Wholly and completely, and perhaps too much, you trusted him.

So you took his hand, and you looked up at him with the same strength that lived in his eyes, and said, without a single doubt in your mind, or your heart, “Yes, Kylo. I trust you.”

#kylo ren #kylo ren x reader #kylo ren fanfic #kylo ren smut #kylo ren imagine #smut #fluff #angst #st kyp #keeping your promise

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applepi-1 · 3 years

Text

He's afraid of hurting you

Tsukishima x Y/n

Terushima x y/n

Atsumu x y/n

Warnings: fluff

Mentions of rape on Atusma's part.... sorry :(

Also I do request…

-596 words-

You and Tsuki have been friends for as long as you remember, it's always been you, Tsukishima, and Yamaguchi. Always. But somehow you fell for the tall salty dino-loving jerk. You guys did everything together and you were the only other person he tolerated. When you met the team people asked Yamaguchi if you guys were dating, both laughing until you saw Tsukishima. You ran to him and began to bug him, much to everyone's shock (except Yama) when the tall boy smiled softly down at you.

Tsukishima also fell for you, but... he was scared, he covered his feelings with salty comments, but with you he could never, you were his soft spot. He always admired the way you smiled, laugh, or the face you make when you were concentrated or were nervous. He finds it adorable, but he won't tell you that. He'll tease you about how your face looks, but you'd laugh it off.

So, come to both of your surprises when you confess. It was a normal Tuesday, except it was just you two walking home, since Yamaguchi was sick. "Hey, Tsuki, can I be honest with you?" You asked once y'all reached your house.

"Would you rather lie?"

"No, god no... but uh, I like you..." You nervously messed with your fingers. You felt as if your heart was hitting your ribcage as hard as Oikawa serves a ball. Tsukishima felt as if he was dreaming, feeling his stomach twist and his heard dance. But... still fear ate at the boy.

"I like you too..." You smiled immediately. "But I can't be with you." And immediately faded.

"What...?" What kind of confession it that, he began to panic as he saw tears form.

"It's not that I don't want to be, Y/n, trust me, I do... but..." The words got stuck in his throat, he's not used to being this vulnerable. "I-I'm scared..." Your eyes grew at how soft his voice was, he was biting his lip so he didn't show his feelings.

"W-Why...?" You watch him tug on his jersey, the showers were down so none of the players thought of changing.

"I... I don't want to hurt you..."

"Is this about, E/n?" You asked, talking about the bitch who left Tsukishima for her best friend. He said something uncalled for, but that didn't give her the right to cheat and blame Tsukishima.

"Maybe... no, this is about how I'm not good in relationships, the last one I was in, she cheated on because of what I said to her... I.."

"I would never." You finished his sentence making him look at you. "Tsuki, you guys got into an argument, big deal. Couples argue you salty dino." Tsukishima surpassed a laugh as you continued, "It did not give her the right to cheat because you called her out for flirting with that idiot she cheated on you with. I know you loved her, but... I'm not her. If we fight, I'll sit in front of you despite your harsh words. Just like I always do. The only guy I want to flirt with or have my attention is you." He looked down at you and felt his shoulders drop.

"R-Really?" You grabbed his face and smiled.

"I'm willing to do this if you are..." He looked down at you before wrapping his arms around you, you sighed into him, wrapping your arms around his neck.

"I don't deserve you... I love you so much, Y/n..." You smiled leaning into your best friend, your now boyfriend.

"I love you too, Tsuki."

-751 words-

You sighed into your seat, watching your best friend flirt up a storm with someone else. Kazuma Bobata knew of your feelings, and of the feelings of #1, Yūji Terushima. He sighed and sat next to you, placing a hand on your shoulder making you jump and look away from your crush. "Oh, Kazuma. Hi." He just gave you a look, you furred your brows, what crawled up his ass? "Everything good, Kaz?"

"No, our friend is hurting you." You raised your brows. "Don't deny it, I'm not stupid." He said once he saw you about to open your mouth, you sighed and looked down.

"How long...?"

"Since we met." I sighed again resting my head in my hands.

"What do I do...?"

"Confess you, idiot." You looked up to him immediately, Terushima looked in your direction hearing Kazuma call you an idiot.

"What, no?!" You didn't mean to yell but you did, your best friend left the girl standing there confused as he walked over to you, seeing you laugh a little.

"Everything okay, Y/n?"

"Huh?" Your face reddens hoping he didn't hear Kazuma say something about confessing.

"I'm trying to get her to confess to her crush." You immediately whipped your head to Kazuma.

"Dude!" You slapped his arm, Terushima felt his heartbreak, wincing a little, but it went unnoticed to you both.

"How about you practice on Terushima?"

"What..... /////-/////" Both of you blushed and looked at Kazuma who knew exactly what he was doing.

"Yeah, it'll help you both, Terushima needs to confess to his crush as well." Terushima so badly wanted to hit his friend, but he was right.

"Oh... I..."

"Fine." You looked at your friend in shock, "I... I-I'll help." His heart tugged and winced at his words, as long as your happy, right...? You blinked a couple times...

"Uh... okay...? U-Um, w-when...?"

"After school..."

You sighed into your bed, looking at your best friend's eyes. Sighing this is difficult, think of him as someone else. "Okay. Okay. I like you, a lot, and I can't believe I'm saying this, but I do. I have since we were running on the playground laying at how stupid a kid looked, and... I like you despite you flirting with every girl you see..." As you continued to list why you liked him with your eyes closed, Terushima felt a smile form on his face, you like him? Once you finished and opened your eyes and saw he was smiling... it that a good sign, then you remembered. "Right... uh, your turn to... p-practice your c-confession..." It hurt you to say practice, you wish this was real.

"Oh... uh, right... Look, I like you so much, but... I don't think it'd work." What?

"Dude, horrible confession, what are you trying to do? Hurt her, make her happy, and confused?"

"Shut up and let me finish." You sighed and punched his shoulder, indicating your listening. "I like you a lot, but... I don't want to be the one hurting you in the end, Y/n... I can't do that. Not to you. I hate myself for letting my ex walk away because I chose to flirt with someone else. But with you... I... I can't do that... It pains me to flirt with other girls when the only girl I want to flirt with is you... But it won't last, I'll fuck up eventually." Congrats, Terushima, you made me happy, sad, and confused.

"I... I'm sorry... what the fuck gives you the right to have this all one-sided." His eyes widen a little, he should've known you had something to say. "So what your ex left, I'm not them, Teru. I like you, hell I fell in love with you and I trust you. If you fuck up and flirt with someone we'll talk it out, not just call it quits, or if you feel the need to flirt with someone, pretend not to know me, and flirt up a storm you dumbass." He laughed a little grabbing your face, but you weren't done. "I love you, you, I know you like me, Teru... but, I love you, and I love all your mistakes, I mean, I stuck around this far haven't I...? Doesn't that mean something... Hm." He cut your rambling off pressing his lips firmly to yours.

"You talk too much." He kissed you again, this time you shivered as the coldness of his tongue ring hit your lip. "I love you. God, I love you."

-959 words-

Atsumu knew giving you a spare key to his house was foolish. But he wanted to make sure you knew you were welcome, when you reached his house it was 2 in the am, and you needed your best friend more than anything. You took out your spare key and opened his door, jumping when you see Osamu in the kitchen. "Ah, welcome home, Y/n." You laughed shutting the door quietly behind you.

"H-Hi... O-Osamu..." He looked over in your direction immediately noticing the way your voice went high and the way you choked on your words.

"Y-Y/n... did something happen?" You pulled your hand over your mouth, keeping your sobs quiet, Osamu immediately dashed to you, leaving what he was doing in the kitchen. "Oi... ya okay?" You shooked your head as he wrapped his arms around you, letting you sob into his chest. "Talk to me, Y/n..." Osamu was like your big brother, he knows of your feelings toward his twin.

"I... I went on a date..." He sat you down on the couch, giving you some room. "I... H-he... took me to a cafe... and after we ate and stuff... I felt... d-dizzy... and... I c-couldn't stop him..." Atsuma walked down feeling thirsty when he heard your voice, he stopped on the stairs looking at you. "H-How do I... tell A-Atsumu...?" He watched as his brother kissed your head and brought you into his chest.

"Do you want me to tell him...?" He watched as you shook your head. "Just... be honest with him." Atsumu sniffed the air and spoke.

"Is something burning...?" You turn your attention to the other twin. Osamu immediately got up and ran to the kitchen. Atsumu looked at you and noticed how you wouldn't meet his eyes. "Y/n...?" He couldn't help but think you were crying and asking for advice on how to tell him something, he thinks you're seeing his brother, and don't know how to tell him. But boy is he far off.

"I... I need to talk to you... Osamu k-knows a-already..." He looked down at you confused, taking his brother's spot next to you.

"Y/n..." He wants to tell you he knows, but something about your face is saying to wait.

"I... I... I c-can't..." You buried your face into his chest, he was taken back but immediately hugged you. "I... I don't know why I can't... tell you... the words just... won't come out..." He furred his brows, hoping his misreading things.

"It's just me, Y/n." You broke down more, that's the thing, you didn't even want to go on a date, but, you wanted to get rid of your feelings for the blonde twin. You know he'd never like you, but he does. He really does.

"T-That's the p-point..." Osamu came back in and tapped your shoulder.

"I-I don't know much, about ya s-situation, but, here..." You grabbed the water from him and smiled lightly, that confirmed it, he was misreading things.

"Y/n...?" You looked down at your cup.

"Hey, just tell him what you told me."

"Okay..." He furred his brows and sighed.

"Y/n-"

"I was raped." You blurted out cutting Atsumu off... out of all things. He never expected that, Osamu sat there rubbing your shoulder.

"You... what...?"

"She went on a date, got dizzy after..." Atsumu sat closer to you, pulling you into his chest, rubbing your back softly.

"I..." The words got stuck in his throat. "I... will y-you be able to... sleep...?" You laughed at how careful he's being.

"C-Can I stay, w-with you... tonight...?"

"Ya guys can take the guest room, so ya can talk privately, and not annoy me." You both laughed, Atsumu helped you stand before leading you to the bed.

"Ya can take the bed." You gave him a look.

"I, uh, please don't make me sleep alone." He looked at you and sighed.

"I won't," He rubbed your arms gently. He laid over the covers as you laid under, you laughed. "What?"

"I don't bite." He laughed getting under the covers. He watched as you closed your eyes, scooting a little closer. "You can close your eyes and try to sleep you know."

"Sorry, I might not be able to sleep. I usually sleep without a shirt."

"Oh. Then take your shirt off, ya goof." He froze for a second, but slowly sat up, slipping his shirt over his head. He laid back down resting on his back. "Better?"

"Yeah." You nuzzled closer sighing a little.

"Uh, Tsumu, can uh, can you hold me..." He looked at you and saw how you weren't meeting his eyes.

"Come here," you nuzzled your head into his chest letting his arm drape over your shoulder, rubbing it softly, you let out a shaky breath. "Better?"

"Hm, thank you... Tsumu." He squeezed you in response. Once he felt your body get heavier, he kissed your head.

"I'd do anything for ya, I love ya, ya idiot. But... I don't want to hurt ya..." You smiled slightly before looking up making Atsumu turn a deep red. "I thought ya were asleep."

"Eh, but for the record, I love you too... to be honest, I went on the date because... I thought you didn't like me so..."

"Hm, so it's my fault." You sat up immediately as he looked like he was about to cry.

"No, god no."

"If I would have grown a pair, and told you how I felt... none of this would have happened."

"And I wouldn't be here, laying next to you." You traced your fingers over his abs, "I wouldn't be touching you like this." You leaned down pecking his lips. "Kissing you."

"No, no, we'd still do that." You both laugh cuddling into each other. "I love ya."

"I love you too. And you could never hurt me."

#haikyuu #terushima x y/n #tsukishima x y/n #atsumu x y/n #fluff #angst #rape #cute confessions #not good enough #insecure #hurt #fear

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yee-fxcking-haw · 3 years

Text

•Caught In The Middle•

Summary: First loves always leave a mark, yours was Hitoshi Shinsou, and you were his. Life got messy, careers got in the way. You still find each other, you always find each other.

Pairing: Hitoshi Shinsou x FemReader (both 18+)

Warnings: This is one angsty boi, unprotected sex, oral sex (female receiving), crying during sex (not dacryphilia), a lot of emotional vulnerability.

Word Count: 4,012

A/N: I've been wanting to work on writing some more emotionally raw scenarios. I didn't do a lot of sexual dynamic in this, just two people loving and needing each other. Not my usual thing, but I hope y'all like it! Please let me know! Much love<3

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You wait where you always do, on a rotting old bench hidden behind several twisted, dying trees. The path in front of you leads to a pitiful little shack, held together by patch work and spite. It's a beautiful little place, though, despite the crumbling wood and the slight lean the whole structure has. It has its charm, it has its secrets.

The weather is soothing tonight, a starry sky above a lovely summer evening. It could almost make a pretty little painting, if it weren't such a dark secret.

You hear footsteps falling behind you, crunching the gravel as the tread. You don't turn to see who it is, you're not worried, you already know.

You hear the feet stop behind you, feel the strong presence, smell the warm scent he brings. Just being this close to him wraps you in something so peaceful, so easy to fall into. Strong, capable hands spread over your shoulders, thumbs rolling into every tense place within them.

You look down at your palms and feel the shame grip your heart when you see the dried blood there. It's a part of the job, at least, that's what you tell yourself.

Finally, you turn to face the man behind you. As always, you melt into the peaceful, enchanting feeling his gaze provides. You recall the timid, exhausted, beaten down boy you once fell for. His tired eyes and his lopsided smile, and his desperate need to help.

The memories contrast heavily with the strong, proud beauty before you. He stands tall, he looks aware, purposeful and brave. He still looks like he could use a few extra hours of sleep, but he no longer looks completely deprived of it. His beauty is the messy kind, but it enthralls you nonetheless.

"Hard work today?" Hitoshi asks quietly, a knowing look in his soft, amethyst eyes.

You nod, folding your hands into each other as his own work at your aching shoulders.

"It wasn't really hard. I'm used to it, it was just messy." You explain, trying to remain resolute.

He answers with a sigh, hands working at the back of your neck now.

"You don't have to do it." He tries.

You feel him pulling the strings of your chest as your eyes fall to the path again, unable to hold his sweet, honest gaze.

He's always had too much good in him, too much optimism, too much hope. That's why he makes a good hero though, a great hero, really. That had been the divide between the two of you, you couldn't trust like him, you couldn't hope like he could. It was simple when you were two high schoolers with simple ideas that made for harmless debates. In time, it became not so simple.

He acquired his hero's license after endless hours of hardwork and dedication, and you watched from the stands. A drop out who simply couldn't go along with the charade. There were never any hard feelings between the two of you, and you remained lovers for a while after, it remained as it was for a bit. Two kids too wrapped up in each other to care how heavily their morals contrasted.

After some time, after settling into your places in life, it became less simple. He found his spot in the hero charts, you found yours among other vigilantes desperate to expose corrupt heroes. This of course made any kind of simple public relationship less easy and less acceptable.

As he gained more of an understanding of your grey morality, and you gained more of an understanding of the depravity of his society, it became impossible for the two of you to live and let live. So you found your peace with the secrets you two could keep in the tiny shed down this path.

You had loved each other before all of this, you had loved each other in the back seats of cars, school dorm rooms and other secret places. Keeping yourselves hidden is something you both learned to do well, for the sake of maintaining whatever sacred connection you had stumbled upon together.

"You're thinking." He observes, removing his hands in favor of striding around the bench to seat himself beside you.

"I do that." You mutter, hands still fidgeting at each other.

You're both silent for a moment, calculating your next moves.

"I don't want to think anymore." You whisper, you fight the burning in your eyes and nose as best you can, willing the tears not to fall.

He takes a deep breath in, it's not steady, it's not composed, it's full of trembling and uncertainty.

"I don't want to either."

So, neither of you did.

You find yourselves where you always do, pulling at each other on the tattered mattress on the floor of the shed. Candles are spread throughout the room, just enough to bathe you both in a heavenly glow. A large lock holds the door closed, it keeps your secrets in, it keeps the world out.

His lips are delicate against your neck, his hands are steady on your waist, but the thudding of his heartbeat betrays him when he presses his body against yours.

"We can't keep doing this." He sighs against you. He says it every time, but he always comes back.

"You don't have to." You bring your hands up to cup his face, a mistake on your part as the look in his eyes crumbles your resolve.

"Toshi, please don't go." You beg, clinging to him as the thought rips you to shreds.

"I won't, god I won't, I can't." He confesses before pressing his lips into yours.

It's a mess of a kiss, nothing but need, desire and tears as you work against each other. Hands find clothes to rip off, hearts nearly escape their cages as delicate fingertips ghost across soft spots. It's a beautiful, well learned dance, something perfected over time.

His body rolls on top of yours, he nudges your legs apart with his knees as he settles between them. Every inch of your skin meets every inch of his, then the heat spreads, consuming both of you. Your skin boils as he rolls his hips against yours, you shudder and sigh and hold on tight.

"M-more, please, need more." You plead, your voice doesn't sound like your own. It sounds like it belongs to a lost, lovesick girl… maybe it does…

"Anything, I'll give you anything." He responds.

His mouth is hot and open against your flushed skin. His hands cradle the tuck of your waist as he paints your chest with sweet, sloppy kisses. He blazes a trail down your body, leaving nothing but ashes and glowing embers in his wake.

He moves a leg over each shoulder, the sight makes you smile, recalling the first time he found himself in this position.

"What?" He questions, a smile playing at his lips as he presses them into your thigh.

Your hand slips into his hair, letting yourself fall away from the worries of social structures, letting yourself fall into the little world you've created in this shed.

"Just thinking about the first time you tried this." You let yourself laugh a little when he rolls his eyes and groans. He really had tried his best, he just missed a couple of important spots, mostly one important spot, completely.

"I was learning, don't be a jerk." He continues kissing up your thigh until he reaches the crux of your leg.

"Plus, I got much better at it." With that, he casts you a devilish look before sliding his tongue sideways across your lips.

He teases your clit for a fleeting second before drawing back, watching the way your eyes flutter and your lips pout.

"You did, but you turned into such a tease." You gather more of his hair, involuntarily rolling your hips up a little.

He hums in response, sliding his hands up the outside of your thighs so he can gather the rolls of your hips.

"You make it so much fun." He gives you another gentle flick with the tip of his tongue, making you jump and whimper for him.

"Gorgeous." He sighs, drops his jaw then, lets his broad tongue loll out completely and licks a long, slow strip up your center.

"Oh fuck." You shudder as your back lifts slightly and your legs attempt to close.

"Keep them open for me, sweetheart." He tells you, the tender name makes your chest ache.

Before you can respond, he licks again, this time he closes his lips around your clit and sucks. You can't help the way you shiver and cry out, or the way your legs close around his head. It's too good, it's too warm and wonderful.

"Stubborn girl." He mutters before placing his hands under your knees.

He folds you up as he moves to kneel between your legs, the tops of your thighs meet your stomach and your breath catches as you watch him devour you with his eyes.

"Hold this." He squeezes your left leg.

You hook your arm around it, nodding as he lowers his torso back to your core. He keeps his hand on your right leg, and let's the other fall between your bodies so he can play at your slick entrance with his middle finger.

You bite your body lip as you clamp around nothing, teased by the presence of what could be inside you. You glance down between your bodies, eyeing the way his finger glides up to your clit so he can rub lazy circles against it. Most of all, you're hypnotized by how pretty his cock is.

"I know you want it, baby, just give me one, and I'll let you have it." He promises as he slides two fingers in.

His slow, calculated movements have your mind spinning and your body twitching. You open your mouth to ask for him to use his tongue, but he beats you to it. He drops his torso, keeping his hand locked on the leg he's got cranked up. You cling to your opposite leg when his tongue meets your clit.

His fingers drag in and out at a curve, bending inside you to reach the spot that makes you see stars. His tongue rolls against your sensitive bud, persistent and electric as he stokes the fire in your core.

You feel your body tighten up, your free hand grasps at his messy waves again, your body seizes. He bends you and bends you, working relentlessly with his fingers and his velvety tongue.

You're so close, so damn close, you feel it tickling your ribs, pushing tears from your eyes and in your trembling thighs.

You need more. You need something to push you over, you just need him.

"Toshi- please, I wanna- fuck baby."

As you whimper out your plea, he adds the slightest bit more pressure to your clit, and it rips you apart. You shatter and break in against him, crying out his name in broken praise, body rolling against him as he works you through it.

"That's it, that's my girl." He sighs as he watches the way your body moves against him, watches the way you writhe in the pleasure he gives.

"Fuckin' gorgeous." He breathes as he crawls up your body so he can take your lips into his own. You pull him into you with greedy hands, clinging to this moment, needing it to last, not ready to let it go.

"Need you, please, need all of you." The words come out like a sob, spoken mostly against his lips.

He gathers one of your hands in his, lacing your fingers as he presses it into the mattress, his forehead meets yours as he grabs his length so he can run the head against you.

"You've got me, you've got me baby." He promises before pressing in. He's done it countless times, in endless positions, but the feeling never ceases to leave you light headed.

You both lose yourselves completely, finally together, hidden so perfectly in your little haven. You feel so full, so loved, so complete.

"God, fuck, your cunt." He nearly cries, wrapped in your warmth, enamored by your body and the way it ticks for him.

He buries your face in your neck, squeezing your hand and releasing a broken moan as he rolls his hips into you.

His free hand comes up to hold your face, yours holds his wrist, desperate for an anchor as he splits you open so sweetly. Every nerve within you feels so tender and raw, everything about you aches for him, everything in you needs him.

You cling to each other like a lifeline as he builds a mind numbing pace, it's nothing hard, nothing rough, but it's deep, it's all consuming. You both moan and cry against each other for a bit, letting your bodies work, letting your brains stop thinking.

"Fucking hell, sweetheart, can I please fuck you, really fuck you, need more of you." He begs between messy kisses against your sweat soaked skin.

His request makes your skin ignite with white hot anticipation.

"Please- Toshi, fuck me how you need to, I wanna take it, I can take it." You let the tears fall freely, let them wet your cheeks and wash away any reservations.

As if you've unhooked the chain of a rabid animal, he growls against you and rips his hands from yours. The grab under your knees again so he can fold you just how he likes. He uses your body as leverage, holding himself up by the hold on your legs.

"You're so fucking tight like this." He chokes out as he adjusts his hips, pulling back slowly.

"Tell me you need it, tell me you need me." He says, it's not an order, not an exercise of control. It's a prayer, it's something he's desperate for, something he can't live without.

"I need it, baby I need you." You reach around your legs to hold his forearms, needing to be connected to him in every way you can, "I need all of you." You sob, looking up at him with desperate eyes.

He breaks then, seeing you all pretty and broken, hearing you beg for all he has to offer. With the last shred of self control he has, he bends to kiss you. It's slow, reverent, worshipful. It's everything you need to forget about everything that comes between you outside of this room.

When he pulls back, your breath is held, his body tenses and he finally, finally, let's himself go. He fucks you, he fucks you hard. His hips slap against your as you sob into the air, thanking him, praising him, loving him. The drag of his cock in and out of your quivering cunt is enough to reduce you to a sniffling mess.

He watches your face diligently, paying attention to how your lip quivers when he angles his hips upwards, admiring how pretty you look all flushed and tear stained. His hands gorge themselves on the backs of your thighs. Your body sings for him, only him.

"You take it so well, take it for me some more, just a little bit more." He gasps as you tighten around him, spun on by his praise.

All you can utter is one, desperate "more" as he ruins you.

"Fuck, baby, I'll give you more." He releases your legs, letting them fall to the sides.

He grabs your hips and hauls your ass onto his thighs. Braced on his shins, he fucks up into you with everything he has, and it pays off almost instantly.

You scream out, reckless and unashamed. It's too good to hold it in, the pleasure is too fluorescent, the love is too overwhelming.

"Oh god, come on sweet girl, give me all of it." He sounds almost frantic as his thumb finds your clit, he presses down perfectly, rubs it so sweetly, sending even more electricity through your entire body.

You reach out to him, one hand fisting the sheets, the other searching for him, desperate for something to ground you.

He grabs you immediately, tangling his fingers in yours as he did before. He lets his thrusts slow in favor of rolling them up into you as he plays with your clit, easing you through every pulse, making sure you feel every shock.

Slowly, he lets you wind down, paying close attention to every twitch and whimper.

"You're stunning, you're so fucking perfect." He bends down to kiss up your stomach, he slides his arms around your waist and brings you up slowly. You wrap your arms around his hips as he kicks his legs out in front of him. Your lips meet each other so gently, giving and taking flawlessly.

"More, please baby." It's the only request you have capacity for.

He smiles against your lips, his hands fall to your hips, guiding them so they roll against his. You whine against him as his head presses into some forgotten soft spot inside you, your hands claw at his shoulders as you let him direct your movements. More, you just need more more more, all that you can have while you still can.

"Good girl, my good girl." He pants against your neck, his hands slide up so he lock his arms around you again, so he can keep you close, so you won't slip away.

"That's it, just like that." He encourages as you pick up the speed of your hips. There's no real in and out movement, but there is the most steady rubbing of your most sensitive parts, and it's heavenly.

"More baby, just a little more." He coaxes.

Always more, you're always so selfish with each other, glutinous when you can finally indulge in this.

Despite your oversensitivity, despite the ache in your bones, you work harder. You roll against him, almost riding but not quite pulling yourself away from him to do so.

He shivers and moans beneath you so beautifully, you never want to stop, you want to stay like this. You want to keep working with him forever, making him feel like this, watching his pretty pink lips part and tremble as you provide him with his only release.

His fingers bite at your waist and his mouth gets needy against your neck. He just needs more.

"Take it, Toshi, take anything you need."

He looks up at you with such a searching gaze, with some kind of strange, broken wonder. He moves you both until he's leaning his back against the wall, still holding you like you might break.

"I have everything I need." He admits, pressing a long kiss into your shoulder, "I have it all."

Your hands thread into his messy hair, cherishing this slowed moment of tenderness.

"-But I want this." He sighs before planting his feet on the mattress so he can thrust up into you harshly.

One hand flies to the wall as you wail from the pleasure, the other stays in his hair, pulling at his roots as he fucks up into you.

"Like that! Just like that baby, holy fuck." You sob, letting your head fall so you can chant your praises against his damp hairline.

"You always liked it like this." He muses, somehow managing a chuckle.

You have always like it like this, the first time he did it left you begging for it for weeks. You were house sitting for one of his friends right after graduation, you took advantage of the empty house and fucked like rabits. That was before everything got messy, before everything you two have had to be placed under lock and key…

His thrusts hit you somewhere deep and achey, his arms cage you against him, and it takes little to no time for your body to wind up and shatter once again.

"I'm so close, I'm so fuckin close." He cries against your chest, "Help me, talk to me, please- help me." He begs.

This hand grabs at your face, forcing you to look down at him. Big, shiney tears are falling from his marvelous eyes. God, he's beautiful, your beautiful boy.

"Baby, please, let me feel it, I wanna feel it inside me." You answer, letting him slam his hips up into you as he chases his own end.

You let yourself cry against him then, really cry, with your whole body. Somewhere between sobs you mutter enough praises for him to unravel. He grabs at your back, digs his nails in as his hips stutter.

"Fuck, sweetheart, I'm gonna, fuck fuck fuck." He nearly weeps when he finally stills, hips pulsing up into yours as you both hit that rapturous wall.

You're both a mess of trembling ecstasy as you cling and shiver and fall. You're close enough to kiss, tears mixing as you share space and air. Your bodies roll and twitch as you work each other through every spectacular feeling, every shock and wave and pulse.

"I love you, I love you, I love you." Hitoshi cries against your lips.

"I love you, all of you." You reply. You do, so much it hurts, so much it rips you apart when you lay down without him at night.

You catch your breath together, never letting go for even a second, bringing each other back down to earth. This is always your favorite part, the part where you settle, where you whisper sweet confessions. When you wipe the tears and feel so completely known and understood.

"Thank you." He whispers.

All you do is nod, placing a lazy kiss on his forehead. Your heart is so full, your mind is a blurry mess. All you know is Hitoshi, all he knows is you.

He rolls slightly so he can lay you on the bed next to him, setting you down like you're something sacred. You settle on your back as he settles on his side, propped up on one elbow as he runs his hand over your forehead, brushing the sweaty hair away.

You ease into the tender moment, meeting his eyes, listening to him breathe. You grab his wrist and bring his hand down so you can kiss his palm, thankful for the touch that makes you fall apart.

"'We can't keep doing this'?" You tease.

He looks down at you knowingly, eyes full of familiarity, full of safety.

"We have to, don't we?"

It's a heartbreaking realization every time. That there's no way out of doing this. There's no way for him to walk away from his duty, he's too good, people need him. There's no way for you to join him, not with all that you know, not with what you've done.

"I always will, as long as you will." You promise, fiddling with his fingers as his other hand falls to play with your hair.

"I always will." He says, "Anything for you."

It's almost like you're two lovesick teenagers again, making promises too big to keep, making plans too grandiose to achieve. It's all you have, though. A busted up old shed and some poetic pillow talk. It all settles in your chest and burns, as always, you just want more. More of this, more of him, more of what used to be.

"Do you think…" You falter for a moment, afraid of your own question, "Do you think we'll ever find a way? Do you think we can ever-"

"Yes." He wraps his hand around yours, "We'll find it. Whatever it takes. We'll have this."

Maybe it's a promise that can't be kept, something that will only exist here. For now, you have your little world, you have your locks and your doors and your secrets. You have Hitoshi, you have that sweet, lanky, mess that taught you how to love. As terrifying as it is, he has you too, all of you. He has for years, he probably always will. However it ends up, you'll have this, you'll have each other.

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milkacchan · 4 years

Text

Request for anon: Fav boys with an S/O that's usually a hardass but has a moment of just 'oh my god that's so fucking cute' that they start crying??

Bakugou:

• Listen, you weren't totally against showing emotion but you really only showed two

• Frustration and 'happiness'

• Aka you laughed a lot but had no problem blowing up on someone

• No one had ever seen you outside of those two moods

• Half the class just assumed you never got sad or anything

• The other half assumed you never really had a reason too but maybe one day you'd snap

• Crying? You? Off the table.

• You're not capable of it

• They'd seen you detach yourself from things without a second thought

• CRAZY how you and Bakugou actually WORKED together in a relationship

• To be honest Bakugou doesnt even know if he's seen you cry

• He figures he'll see it eventually

• And he's right :)

• Bc one day you two are walking ahead if the bakusquad

• And theres this fucking puppy

• And it's so small

• Its a lil weiner dog

• And an audible rasp is ripped out of your throat followed by a small 'oh my god'

• His head fuckin WHIPS around• And he's met with you tearing up as you stare at this small dog and his mouth d r o p a

• This??? This is what it takes for you to cry????

• You put a hand over your mouth, mumbling something else and Bakugou is having a stroke

• You're like full crying now

• There are t e a r s

• He moves a little closer, wrapping and arm around your shoulder

• "Are you seriously crying over a dog right now?"

No words. You just nod.

• He accepts it

• No questions asked

• Bakusquad is what you call

• V fuckin confused

• "I want a puppy," you mumbled, breathing uneven.

"I know,"

"Katsu he was so tiny,"

"I know,"

• Cue more crying

Izuku:

• Hard ass 100%

• emotionally constipated on the Bakugou level

• emotion what's that??

• Idk

• Neither do you apparently

• You were just chilling most of the time

• Just- looking really blank

• never really felt comfortable with showing a lot of emotion

• People could use that against you

• call you week-

• You didn't want that

• you were dating the new symbol of peace, you had to keep up

• This happens during a rescue

• You get people out and once you're standing on the sidelines, the fight over- this little boy runs up to you, hugging your legs

• Thank your's are falling out of his mouth and he looks teary eye'd

• He puts his hands up and makes grabby hands and you immediately pick him up

• You kiss his forehead, your hold on the child tightening

• I mean at this point you're crying too

• Bc he was so damn cute

• Even with all the dirt on his face

• And Izuku is just standing there

• baffled

• bc you

• the person who was literally STABBED four times and kept a straight face the whole time about a year ago

• is crying over a child saying thank you

• He takes care of the press- and whatever else he needs to before slowly making his way over to you, pressing a kiss to your cheek.

• The boy was still in your arms

• "You okay princess?"

"Fine, thanks,"

• New image for the press!!

• You went from known for no emotion to Oh my god they have emotion????

• ur v upset about it

Hitoshi:

• He know you cant express emotions exactly how you want

• you'd told him it always felt weird and uncomfortable

• Especially letting other people see it

• Deadass took him 3 months after the initial four you guys were dating to pry that out of you

• He's never really minded though

• he just wants you to feel comfortable and be okay

• So he's always gone along with the casually mean laugh a lot vibe you've had

• But one day

• one faithful day

• you two are walking after an icecream date

• And you see these 2 little kittens in a beat up box

• you GASP and your hand immediately leaves his as you jog over

• And you coo at them, picking them up, one in each hand

• He's behind you when the water works start

• "Toshi...they're so cute-" you sniff

"Are you crying?"

"No- Yeah, just look at them. They're so tiny, they're gonna die out here alone,"

"Oh my god babe,"

"Toshi we have to take them back."

"I don't know if we can do that, we can take them to a shelter-"

• you're full on sobbing now, a blubbering and hiccuping mess

• he feels like he's gonna pass out

• what's he supposed to do

• you chose now to start crying??

• "No-No because they might end up on the street again and they need love, toshiiiii-" you whine out

• So he hugs you from behind, using one hand to pet the cat in your left hand. "Okay, we'll take them back. We can talk to Aizawa sensei."

• he presses a gentle kiss to your neck

• You def apologize later for crying in front if him, almost refusing to look him in the eye

• He flicks you and tells you to do it more often

Sero:

• hardass?? Yes and no

• You vibe

• you just chill and go with the punches

• but GOD do you refuse affection and basic human emotion.

• It took him 3 MONTHS to convince you to go out with him

• That he wasn't going to hurt you or judge you

• 3 MONTHS

• And what felt like fucking forever for you to accept his advances for affection

• He's so patient with you, you'll never find another man like this

• pls keep him forever

• Anyway now yall just vibe together

• But he's never seen you upset tbh

• And he's never seen you cry

• You push all that down, constantly just staying in a place of whatever

• He's a little concerned about it ngl

• but he doesn't know how to really help it

• Has deadass secretly been reading books about it

• Anyway

• One day y'all are chilling

• You're in his room

• he's at his desk- looking over an essay that was due the next day and you were in his hammock, already having finished it

• But he was bopping

• he had an earbud in one ear and he was mumbling along with the song, bopping his head and moving around in his chair, randomly bursting out a lyric here and there

• And then he heard a sniffle

• He immediately turns around and he see's you

• Your eyes are watery

• he pulls his earbud out and he's making his way over to you, clearly worried

• "Babe what's wrong?"

You shake your head, waving him off.

"No no, c'mon tell me-"

"You're just so damn cute and I love you so much. Precious."

• He's confused for a moment before it processes and he grins

"Is that why you're crying?"

"Yes!" You wipe your eyes again. "Thank you,"

He climbs into the hammock carefully, and wraps his arms around you.

• Not particularly what he had in mind when you finally decided to show emotion like that but he'd take it

Kirishima:

• puppy and cat

• aka

• Bubbly jock and hard ass motherfucker who can and will kill you

• He knows that you cant freely express what you feel all the time

• He understands more than most people think

• Because he knows it's easier to just be bitter than risk getting hurt again

• and you've opened up a lot!!

• and he's proud of you! Really.

• He tells you all the time and you gag and call him a sap but he knows that you secretly enjoy it

• Anyway you two are eating lunch outside

• Kirishima is babbling about something that happened after class the other day and you were eating quietly listening to your boyfriends ramblings

• And suddenly he feels a finger on his lips

• He opens his eyes confused, going to talk again before you sush him

• You're looking at a bird

• a REALLY small bird

• you take a small piece of bread from his sandwhich

• "Hi baby," you coo, "how you doin? Want some food?" You slowly hold the piece out

• The birds head tilts a little and he takes a hop

• then another

• and he watches you tense up

• and the bird takes the bread piece and flies away, he watches it go before looking back at you

• he about has a stroke

• you're fucking crying

• "Babe- wait- why are you crying?" He puts a hand on your shoulder

"What the fuck, that was so cute. Eij, he was so cute."

"Well yeah-"

"Jesus he was so tiny," you sniff, "did you see the way he tilted his head- oh my god and his little hop? No fuck off I'm gonna cry more,"

• And you do

• But honestly he doesn't even care bc you're finally letting something else in

• and it means you're comfortable around him

• so he only wraps his arms around your waist and pull you closer

• "he was very cute,"

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shortprince-cos · 4 years

Text

The Woes Of An Emo

Summary: It's about time they figure this out. All it took was a mental breakdown.

Warnings: Mental breakdown, swearing, crying, miscommunication, confusion, kissing. Tell me if I need to add anything else!

{Masterlist} {Previous}

Chapter 8: Oh That Took Way Too Long.

~~~~~

Roman sat in the corner of the dressing room, hair sticking out wildly, makeup smeared from tears, outfit crumpled, phone by his ear, and sobs shaking his entire body, but he still smiled at Virgil.

Virgil took in a shaky breath. "I-" the words got caught in his throat.

Roman's sad smile disappeared as he ended the call. "Why-" His voice cracked. "Why did you have to do that?"

Virgil felt sick. "W-What?"

Roman got a little angrier as he glared at the ground. "Why did you-you- f**k." He swore quietly. "Why did you take me on the date if you knew? You- you knew, right?"

"K-Knew?" Virgil was operating on 1% brain function at the moment; he was barely breathing.

"Knew that I liked you, knew that-that I was Prince." The tears were loose again. "Knew that you had your own boyfriend."

Now Virgil was completely lost. "What? I- I mean yeah, I knew you liked me -you told me that part- but I didn't know you were Princey! If I knew that I would've said yes!" Virgil said before he could stop himself.

Roman stopped shaking to look confused instead, tears ceasing for a moment. "...What about your boyfriend?"

"Boyfriend?! What made you think I had a boyfriend?!"

Roman stood to talk to Virgil better. "You said you liked someone else! A-And your phone call at the mall! You told someone you loved them!" He said defensively.

Virgil took three seconds to let that process. "That was my dad! Not my boyfriend! Are you insane?!"

"No. You are. You-you think this is funny, don't you?"

"What about this would be funny?"

"I don't know, maybe me making a fool out of myself thinking I had a chance."

"I'm not playing you, I swear."

"That's just rich, Virgil, totally believable."

"What can I say to make you believe me?"

"Nothing!"

"Why?!" Virgil was slowly losing his reasoning skills.

"Because why on Earth would anyone ever like me?! It was foolish of me to even think that you would say yes!" Roman was crying again as he yelled. "Why would you ever like me now? After seeing me like this?"

Virgil was stunned for a moment. What was he supposed to do? Roman wouldn't believe a word he said so how was he supposed to convince him?

...Well, actions speak louder then words, right?

"...F**k anxiety." Virgil walked towards Roman, grabbed him by his t-shirt, pulled him down, and kissed him.

...He was kissing him.

...oh my god he was kissing him.

It was at this moment when Virgil's anxiety returned, and he was about to panic and apologize when Roman grabbed Virgil's waist and kissed him back.

It wasn't how Virgil imagined it would be. It was hot and rushing, yet also nervous and gentle. There wasn't any fireworks or music in the background, just Virgil and Roman. Which was all he needed. Just the two of them. Together.

Virgil reached up to card his fingers through Roman's hair and cup his face with the other hand. He brushed his hand over Roman's cheek when he realized that Roman was still crying.

He pulled away from the amazing kiss to look at Roman. "Are you ok?"

Roman sighed. "Just...confused."

"About?" Virgil asked, still stroking Roman's cheek, making them both blush.

"Well...did you like Roman or Prince?"

"Oh- well- uh- I guess both? I mean, I've liked Princey for probably a year now so..."

"So-" Roman laughed. How could he laugh at a time like this?! "You had a crush on me, and I had a crush on you, but we never realized that we were the same people?"

Virgil let it sink in for a moment and laughed a little too. "Yeahahah we did." They both laughed together.

Until Roman wasn't laughing anymore.

He started simultaneously sobbing and laughing, his body beginning to shake again.

Virgil hugged Roman tight, slowly rocking Roman back in forth while he cried into Virgil's shoulder, raking a hand through Roman's hair, silently hoping that it was doing at least something to help.

"I'm-" Roman gasped for some air. "I'm sorry, I-I thought that-"

"Shhhhhhh." Virgil interrupted. "It's ok. I'm sorry that I was literally blind."

Roman chuckled through the tears. "We both were for awhile."

The stood there for a couple of minutes, trying to calm each other down.

Virgil looked to Roman. "How did you know anyway? That I was anxiety."

Roman looked Virgil in the eyes. "Well, heh, I heard Patton call you 'Virge' and I realized it sounded like your username...Then I realized it was a fricking pun."

Virgil chuckled again. "Yeah, I thought it was funny."

"It was." Roman smiled at him, and all Virgil could think was 'Roman. Smile. Cute.' "But I didn't want to assume, so I...I called you Hot Topic."

Virgil blushed. "Oh. Yeah, heh, I kinda just replied as a reflex to be honest."

Roman and him chuckled together again.

Roman hid his head in Virgil's shoulder again, melting into his touch.

"You ok?" Virgil asked quietly, resuming carding through Roman's hair.

"Not really, but you're helping."

"Anything else I can do?"

"Just-" Roman took a big breath. "Everyone thinks that I'm the strong one, but I can barely even handle something being...wrong with me."

"Roman, nothing is wrong with you, you're perfect the way you are."

"No, I'm not. I have all these imperfections and-and I can't fix them."

"Roman." Virgil started, looking back to Roman again. "Your imperfections are what make you you. Your imperfections, no matter what they are, make you unique, and I love that."

Roman's emerald eyes shone with tears and hope. "I love you."

Virgil blushed hard. "I-I love you too. A lot."

Roman chuckled. "Are you still one of those people who doesn't want to be my boyfriend?"

Virgil grew even more red, remembering their conversation from what felt like forever ago. "N-No." He admitted sheepishly.

Roman chuckled at him again. "Then kiss me again, Friend On The Other Side."

Virgil giggled and obliged, being in the moment for once instead of worrying about ahead. Why would he need to worry when he had everything he wanted in this moment?

All of their problems melted away as they just enjoyed having each other. Finally relaxed and content and loved.

Virgil pulled away from Roman. "What are we gonna say to Pat and Logan?"

"Why don't we just wait for them to find out?" Roman said with a teasing smirk.

Virgil laughed. "God, you're so annoying."

"You know you love me."

"Unfortunately."

Roman and Virgil continued to flirt and tease and maybe kiss some more, but whatever happened next was their moment. It belonged to them, and no one else needed to know. They were all they needed.

The End.

~~~~~

Credit to @weweregoddesses and @thefingergunsgirl for helping edit this chapter!

And here is our final chapter!!!!!!! I really hope this was a satisfying ending, I'm not very good at ending fics lol! But I want to thank everyone who wanted to read this fanfiction, this is my longest taglist so far, and the amount of people that loved this really makes me feel like I did something well. I really hope that y'all enjoyed this experience, and I promise I have more fics where this came from!

Also, I may or may not have an extra TWOAE chapter in the works...as a treat.

Once again, thank you so much! Y'all mean the world to me!!!!

Taglist in reblog

Reblogs are appreciated!💖

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #sanders sides fanfic #sanders sides fanfiction #kawaiikat54 fic #twoae fic #the woes of an emo fic #sanders sides high school au #ts virgil #ts roman #virgil sanders #roman sanders #prinxiety fic #prinxiety

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lovelybarnes · 3 years

Text

proud- p. garcia

pairings: platonic!penelope garcia x reader, spencer reid x reader, various!platonic!oc x reader

warnings: mentions of teenage pregnancy, mentions of divorce, mentioned of death and surgery

about: penelope is proud of you. even if you aren't proud of yourself.

a/n: this is a comfort fic- SO up to more penny and y/n friendship (or more?? i've never written wlw and that's only cuz i don't want to mess something up, but if y'all want me to try, i will!!) bits

it was one of those weeks where nothing was going right. your best friend outside the bau was in the hospital due to an accident, your aunt was hounding you to help her find an affordable divorce lawyer, and your fifteen-year-old goddaughter had found out she was pregnant and was staying with you after her mom threw her out. the last two cases had ended badly, and the current one wasn't going as well as hoped either.

you were so overwhelmed, it was beginning to affect you in your job.

it was halfway through the week when your week got even worse. the mother of your goddaughter had called you to tell you to stop calling her, since "she couldn't be the mother of such a disgrace."

you groaned, two fingers massaging your temple as you moved out of the room where the members of the bau were.

"joy, she's your child, your job is to love and support her no matter what she do- excluding extreme circumstances, like-"

"do you know how many times i've told her to not have sex this young? and if she had to, she had to use protection? after all that and she still did this? i'm forty-two, y/n. i can't be a grandmother."

"i know, i know, she messed up, but she needs her mom, especially right now. she's terrified, and you having kicked her out didn't help."

"look, i-"

"let me finish. she still hasn't decided if she wants to keep the baby, and as much as i can give her options and security, she still wants her mom to be with her through whatever she chooses, please, be her mom right now, she needs you."

"she never should've gotten knocked up."

and she hung up.

you could've cried right there; you couldn't believe her, this wasn't the woman you knew, and you were aware of how much of a toll the relationship she and her mother were having had on your goddaughter, jules. it was stressing her out so much, she cried herself to sleep in your arms each day.

unfortunately, this meant you soothed her during the few hours you had to sleep, thus never getting much rest.

when you put your phone down, you had twelve new messages from your aunt and a missed call from the hospital.

you cursed softly, collecting yourself before calling back.

"hello?"

"yes, hi, this is y/n l/n, miriam johnston's emergency contact- friend. you called me earlier but i was unable to answer."

"ah. i'm afraid miriam isn't doing well. she has a brain bleed and is going into surgery at the moment."

you closed your eyes, taking a deep breath.

"oh. is- is she going to be alright?"

"it's a risky surgery, especially with her having come out of others and not being in the best shape."

"so is that a no? is she going to die? she has kids, you know, twin boys. should they come say goodbye, or-"

"we're not sure, but, yes, i would say to come by and say what you need to, it isn't looking the greatest."

"okay. okay, i'm going to call their grandma to bring them by, i- i can't go. i have work, but they'll be by soon."

"are you sure, ma'am? the odds are-"

you hung up and ran your fingers through your hair, letting out a small huff of air.

the air was more tense when you came back to the bullpen, and you were sure it was because of you. spencer was coming up to you, so you closed your eyes for a moment and took a deep breath. "hey, y/n? are you okay? i just saw you outside, and-"

"i'm fine, spence. thank you for asking."

spencer gave you a look, "you're not. come on, n/n, you said we were going to be honest."

you lowered you eyes. "i know, i'm just- can we not do this right now? i have work to do and so do you."

spencer looked hurt for a second, which made you feel worse, before he nodded, going back to his desk.

a few minutes later, a random document opened up on your computer, the words on it reading "come to cave asap."

your eyebrows furrowed as you stood, ignoring spencer's eyes while you left to penelope's.

"you needed me?" you asked, popping your head in the door.

penelope nodded, "yes! yes! close the door."

"is something wrong?" you asked, doing as you were told before coming over to her, but the sparkly woman in front of you didn't answer. there was a look in her eyes you didn't see a lot, and she grabbed your hands.

"what's wrong, y/n? are you okay? and don't give me what you gave spencer, because he might be your boyfriend, but i am your best friend and i will get it-"

"i'm fine- i just-" your voice cracked, and you teared up. making penny rise from her chair, "y/n? oh my god, what's wrong?"

you sniffle, "just- everything. everything is going wrong and i can't- i don't know what to do."

penelope wrapped her arms around you, and you cried, tears soaking her bright dress.

"my aunt won't stop calling me because she needs a divorce lawyer and my goddaughter is living with me because she's pregnant and her mom kicked her out and one of my best friends was in an accident and they think she's going die, and everything i've done in my job has been the wrong thing and- i've failed at everything. i can't even sleep anymore."

penelope rubbed your back, "does spencer know? did hotch not give you time off, because i'll make sure he does-"

you shook your head, nose rubbing against her shoulder. "no. they don't know. i haven't told anyone."

penelope sighed before rubbing your back, letting you cry on her shirt.

“this is hard, penny. i don’t want to do anything anymore- everything i’m doing is wrong and now spence is mad at me, and-”

“hey.” she said, almost sounding offended and pulled away to make sure you were looking at her.

“you’re trying your best, and you’re getting through it. i know it’s hard, but i promise you everything will be okay. look, i do wish you would tell spence, but you also told me. i know it’s difficult for you to tell anyone when anything is wrong so, thank you for letting me know. i’m proud of you.”

your heart fluttered at her words and you cried harder, squeezing penelope’s hand.

“i will try my best to help you. i know hotch was a lawyer and he probably has some lawyer friends to help with your aunt, and i’ll take you to see your friend.”

you sniffed, “but- i have work and i made so many mistakes today that i have to fix-”

“i will make sure somebody will take care of it, but you need to see them, honey.”

you smiled through the tears running down your cheeks, pulling her into another hug.

“thank you, penny. so much, i love you so much.”

penelope smiled, nodding. “okay, you will wait for me at the elevator, or, if you want to tell spencer then wait for me at the elevator while i go tell hotch we are leaving for a while. okay?”

you nodded and wiped at your cheeks, silently deciding to not let spencer know yet, you couldn’t handle him pitying you at the moment.

penelope seemed to almost read your mind, holding your hand as she walked out of the room.

she stopped right before she reached the door to look back at you again, squeezing your hand, “i’m proud of you, y/n. even if you aren’t, i’m proud of you enough for the both of us- probably, like, twenty of us, actually.”

you smiled at her, standing at the doors of the elevator as penelope knocked on hotch's door.

things were still shit but at least you could breathe now.

#penelope garcia fluff #penelope garcia x reader #penelope garcia #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fic #comfort fic #THIS IS SO BAD #IM SORRY #the ending sucks

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valkyriesryde · 4 years

Text

The Dynamic Between Us

Pairing: Modern!Bucky Barnes x F!Reader (with a hint of Sam Wilson x Steve Rogers because I can’t help myself)

Summary: You need a ride and god forbid you have to call Bucky in your time of need. That damned man and his stupid ways of being in your life.

Warnings: angst, happy ending, fluff, cheating (but not between the pairing), sad boi hours with a sprinkle of miscommunication because we a sucker for that kinda trope

Word Count: 2,900....

A/N: This is for @flowerymoonlight ‘s challenge which was uhh a couple weeks ago I’m sorry babe lmao but it’s here! The theme was enemies to lovers and I tried my best. It’s also for @stuckonjbbarnes Fluff vs Angst challenge, the prompt is bolded. I hope y'all enjoy!!

Masterlist

I can’t call Steve or Sam because it’s date night.

I can’t call Wanda she’s with Pietro

I can’t call Natasha, she’s having dinner with Clint and his family.

Goddammit!

I don’t want to call him

I have to

I don’t have a choice

The contact sat on your phone as clear as day though you struggled to actually read it properly through the water in your eyes. You could still tell who it was, your last option, the one you really didn’t want to call but damn you had to.

Calling Long-haired Roommate

“Hello?” The deep voice answered, slightly annoyed and you knew he was annoyed it was you calling.

You struggled to control your breathing enough to answer him, the sob sitting in your chest heavy as you held your hand over your mouth to conceal it.

“Hello? Dammit, did you buttdial me, fucking hell, why me? Come on ma-”

“Bucky?” Your voice strangled and desperate.

“Doll what the hell?” He still sounded annoyed but there was a hint of worry, it can’t be.

A deep breath and you closed your eyes, trying not to think about the events that led to you sitting in your car balling your eyes out and calling the one person least likely to help you in any situation.

“Um, I’m having car issues and I wouldn’t be calling you if I didn’t have another choice, can you please just come pick me up?” You rushed out the lie in one breath then held another in to stop the tears.

“What about Jake?”

Don’t say his fucking name.

“He’s at work, can you please just come and get me?” Another deep breath, control yourself. “I'm frustrated and I-I just need you to come pick me up. I’m outside his apartment…” Your voice was strained and Bucky had a feeling something was wrong, you knew he did, you were never the best liar but you weren’t ready to say the truth out loud yet or admit it happened to anyone, especially him.

Nonetheless he begrudgingly agreed and so you waited in your car for your knight in shining armour...or well Bucky in his beat up pick up truck.

When you heard the truck pull up next to you you immediately got out and made your way to his passenger door, you were already standing in front of the car when Bucky got out of his side and that’s when you saw it, the jumper cables.

“No,” you groaned and he furrowed his brows at you.

“What do you mean no? Your car isn’t working, this is literally my job to find out what the problem is and fix it…” he trailed off as he walked towards you and his eyes caught sight of something behind you. The confusion on his face was replaced by rage and Bucky shook his head. “Are you fucking kidding me?! That’s Jake’s car! What, you got into a fight so you didn’t want to call him? Fucking hell, I’m not your goddamn chauffier!”

Bucky turned around and threw his cables into the backseat of the car but he paused before he got back into the truck. He was a second away from driving away, from leaving you here because your boyfriend lived upstairs and you were a goddamn adult who should be able to communicate with your significant other. But in that second you didn’t reply with a snarky comment, you didn’t tell him to fuck off, you didn’t tell him Jake was a dick, you didn’t say anything.

When Bucky turned around he saw you standing there, your eyes staring blankly at him, your chest moving rapidly and he realised you were crying.

“Your car is working isn’t it?”

You nodded, Bucky stepped towards you again.

“Jake’s not at work is he?” You shook your head, Bucky stood in front of you now, toe to toe and he looked over his shoulder and saw red.

“Right then.” He pushed around you and stormed towards the building’s entrance, his hand on the hand as you could grab his other arm and stop him in his tracks.

“Bucky no please, it’s nothing okay I just want to go home.” You continued to cry and beg him to just leave this godforsaken place and he was so tempted to brush you off and storm up there and give Jake a piece of his mind but when your hand slid into his it was like the heat of his skin cooled and his mind started to become clear again.

When he looked at you he saw you like he never had before, you were small, you were broken and you were pleading for him to just do this one thing. Why did he want to stand up for you? Why did he feel so protective over you? Why can’t he just be his normal asshole self and take you home?!

“Okay, but I need to know what the fuck is going on?” He demanded finally.

“I’ll tell you okay...on the way home.”

Sam and Steve were out, they would be until midnight at least, date night always went on forever for them. It was currently just past ten as Bucky drove through the near deserted streets home, it wasn’t a long drive, ten minutes or so.

“Please don’t tell anyone,” you asked into the silence that sat around the two of you.

Bucky gripped the steering wheel he tried so hard not to be angry, you didn’t want that but fuck it was hard not to turn the car around and pummel the guy.

“They’re going to want to know what happened,” he muttered and glanced over to you, you’d stopped crying but it was so obvious that you had been. “I won’t tell them, but what are you going to tell them?”

“I don’t know,” you shrugged, “we broke up, it wasn’t working. Isn’t that enough?”

“They’re nosey, they’ll want to know and they’ll probably figure out that there’s something else-”

“I don’t care Bucky!” You yelled as he pulled into the carpark. “I really couldn’t give a shit what they think or what they want to know! I got cheated on. Is that what I should tell them? I walked in on him fucking a girl on the table and he said it was my fault. It’s my fault, I pushed him to it, I’m the one that should be to blame. Is that what you want me to tell them? Tell them how he told me he was sorry,”

Bucky got out of the car and walked around to your side, you sobbed and tore off your seatbelt, throwing open the door and slamming it shut behind you.

“About how he suggested we have an open fucking relationship? You know what Bucky? Thanks for picking me up but I don’t need your fucking opinion on what I should do! When have you given a shit about what I do?!”

Bucky ignored you, you yelled and cried at him and he ignored you. He pulled out his phone and started scrolling.

“God you’re INSUFFERABLE!” You yelled, then he held out his phone for you to see.

“What? When is this from? Is this about me?” He took the phone back and put in his pocket, he shrugged his shoulders and leaned against the truck.

“Couple weeks ago. I saw ‘he who shall not be named’ out with a group and he and this one chick looked too close for my liking. Steve said I was probably overreacting so I forgot about it until now. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I never trusted him to be honest-”

“Bucky what the hell?!” You yelled again, you kept yelling at him and you couldn’t stop, your emotions were on high. “You knew?! Steve knew?!”

“No. You’re not listening to me.”

“Then explain it?” You folded your arms and Bucky had the audacity to chuckle, he reached out and pried your arms apart, his hands running up your sides.

“I didn’t like what I saw, but I didn’t see anything actually out of the ordinary, I just wanted a justification for despising him that wasn’t my jealousy. Steve said it was probably nothing, he didn’t think anything of it either and played it off like I did, I was jealous.” He sighed as his hands came to the top of your shoulders, the base of your neck, your jaw and he was standing chest to chest.

“I don’t need this right now, you picked the worst possible time you know that?” You pushed him away and pressed the palms of your hands into your eyes, Bucky didn’t stand his ground, he stepped backwards and let you have your space.

“You called me, remember?”

“You were my last option.”

“You still called,” he shrugged, “and I came running, like I always do. I know this is shit timing but are you blind? You know who told those chicks in senior year to back off? Me. You know who almost got expelled in our second year of college because two fratdicks wouldn’t stop harassing you at a party? Me. You know who got and made that bookshelf you love so much? Me.” Bucky began pacing, you watched him in shock, you had no idea.

You thought it was Nat in high school, she was always threatening to do something. You thought the frat boys got bored and left you alone but Bucky had gotten them to back off. You thought it was Steve and Sam that got you the bookshelf for your birthday, you gushed about it for weeks, but it was Bucky. It was Bucky.

“You could have told me? You could have said literally ANYTHING Bucky!” You were crying for a whole nother reason now, no longer about Jake but Bucky, about all the years you could have had any sort of positive relationship with Bucky, if he hadn’t let you believe that you despised each other.

“I WAS SCARED!” He yelled and turned his back to you, he heard the garage door at the top of the ramp start to open and his eyes went wide as he turned and stepped towards you. “I was scared and so I lied and I’m sorry for that. I don’t do feelings very well and I didn’t know how to express them except for actions but then I hid what actions I was doing because I was scared. Now you know, I’m sorry it was shit timing but I’m not going to let you believe what Jake did was your fault when I’m standing here living proof that you don’t deserve to be treated like that because it’s his fault. He did that.”

The car came down the ramp, its lights blaring through the windows of Bucky’s truck and came towards the two of you before slowing down.

“And you wouldn’t?” It pulled into the spot beside his truck, Steve’s spot.

“No, never.” Before you could say anything he stormed past you and into the stairway, he ran up the stairs two at a time until he got to his floor but he couldn’t bear to open it and walk into your apartment. So he sunk to the floor against the wall and waited for his heart to slow down and his mind to stop reeling.

“What’s going on here?” Sam asked with a smirk but it quickly dropped when he saw your tearstained face and Steve rushed towards you.

“What happened?”

“Jake and I broke up,” you said looking at the stairway, “and Bucky picked me up because I didn’t trust myself driving home.”

“Oh darling,” “you could have called us,” they both enveloped you in a hug, you stood there in their arms for a few minutes and then the two men guided you towards the elevator and you went up to your shared apartment.

No one mentioned Bucky’s running off. Not until you were walking down the hallway and Sam asked if you had gotten into a spat, you brushed it off and said “yea, I should probably apologise,” but he wasn’t in his room, he wasn’t in the apartment.

“He’s probably just cooling down, maybe he’s on the roof? He’ll be fine.” Steve told you but you could tell he was worried too.

The stairs were the only way to the roof, you only made it to the door and then you saw him, through the little window, leaned against the wall with his eyes closed. You slowly opened it so as not to startle him but Bucky’s eyes opened as soon as he heard the door and he watched you close it behind you and sit next to him without a word.

One beat, then two before either of you spoke.

“I used to have a massive crush on you,” you said quietly, “in highschool, way back when. But you were off limits in my head because you were a part of the group. Then we started this whole banter dynamic that we have, and then it just kept going and you got with Dot and then she did not like me and so our relationship took a hit. When you broke up it wasn’t quite the same. Our banter was a lot angrier, there was less joking in it. Then it just never went back to the way it was, we got into the rhythm of it I suppose.” Bucky’s eyes were on you and yours were on the wall as you spoke. “You have terrible timing.”

“I saw an opportunity,” he whispered as you turned to face him. “You called me.”

“What did you do to almost get expelled?”

“Threatened large amounts of violence on campus...they couldn’t prove it but I could prove they were harassing girls, so it all worked out,” Bucky shrugged his shoulders and smiled shyly. “I’m sorry I threw all that at you. I really am, I just-” “You saw an opportunity I know.”

“I wanted you to know someone does love you…”

“Bucky…”

“I know,” he stood up from the floor and held his hand out for you, “shit timing, I’m aware. You don’t have to do anything or say anything but I just wanted you to know.” You grabbed his hand and he pulled you up, waiting a second longer before letting go.

“I’m not saying no, or that I don’t think there’s anything there, but I’m not in the headspace to be making any sort of decision right now.”

“I know,” he smiled again and you cursed yourself for ever thinking he could hate you when he looked at you like that. “How about we start with stopping pretending we hate each other?”

“Sounds like a deal,” you laughed and the both of you shook on it.

Bucky pulled open the door, “you first,” he told you and you stepped into the hallway, he let it shut behind him but before he could make a move to walk to the apartment your fingers gripped his collar and your lips were on his.

Bucky was initially taken aback by it but soon enough you were moving insync and he had you against the wall of the hallway. His hands gripped your shit and held your waist. One hand goes into your hair to hold the back of the neck as the two of you part slowly, a shy smile on his face as your face is in a slight state of shock, you were expecting that reaction.

“I’m sorry I-”

“No don't be, I’m not mad about that,” you’re both whispering, like if anyone heard it’d be the end of the world, or like you’re in your own little world and it's only big enough for the two of you.

Bucky’s head dips again and his lips brush over yours, “I thought you said?”

“I know what I said,” and you capture your lips with his again. It’s slow and soft, different from before but the feeling is still there. It’s different from any other guy you’ve kissed, there’s no confusion about what Bucky feels as he kisses you, it’s like you can feel his love, his adoration for you in every movement of his muscles, in every touch of his fingertips and movement of his jaw.

“I thought the timing-” he backs away slowly but only an inch so he can look in your eyes, though his view switches around the entirety of your face and body between his and the wall.

“It is, we shouldn’t, fuck,” you start to panic and Bucky is there in a flash with his hand holding your jaw and reassurance on his face.

“We don’t have to do anything more than that tonight, for the next week, month, I don’t care.” He says with so much confidence that you almost miss the pain in his voice from knowing he still can’t have you after kissing you.

“What if I want to?”

Bucky chuckled and leaned his forehead against yours, “then I’m not going to say no,” he bit his lip.

“Can we take it slow?”

“Of course,” he steps back and his hands fall to yours as he pulls you towards the apartment door, “why don’t we go to your room, because your bed is bigger than mine, and watch a movie, or talk,” he shrugged his shoulders, “anything we want, and we’ll take it slow.”

He leaned against the door and smiled at you as you gleamed back, “that sounds good to me.”

“Maybe we should keep it from mum and dad though,” he gestures with his head and you laugh, agreeing with him.

“All in due time,” you smile as you open the door behind him. All in due time this will grow from the wounds and you and Bucky will find your footing in this new dynamic.

Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!

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