#would it annoy you if I talked about this stuff on here??

[crazy4nika]

just enough

warnings: nightmares and paige being annoying but thats lowkey it this ones kinda cute

request: hi!!! i loved you nika headcannons. would you be open to writing about her? i rlly feel like you’re hc abt her match up so well

nika mühl x reader

the warmth of my blankets encompassed me in, the weight of the soft fabric holding me down. i don’t really know how i was still awake, considering it was almost 1 a.m.

its not like i was staying awake, i was actually trying to sleep.

my room was small, but comfy. the only light was a streetlight gleaming through the window. it had one bed, a nightstand and, a dresser. a uconn ncaa banner was pitched above the bed. my dorm-room was surprisingly quiet, the only sound being a small floor fans whirring.

the silence was interrupted was a quiet jingle from the door handle. the metal clicked and the door creaked open, and a tall brunette girl poked her head in. “hey niks. couldn’t sleep again?”

“how’d you know?” she spoke sarcastically, shrugging while she walked in. the door closed quietly behind her. sometimes when nika can’t sleep, she finds her way into my room. after what was probably the 20th time this happened, i gave her an extra key so i didn’t have to get up to let her in.

i scooted closer to the wall to make space as she stumbled her way over. nika lifted the covers up and slipped under them, instantly moving closer to me. she gave me a quick smile before rolling over, facing away. “thanks. for you know. this?”

“yeah… i don’t mind,” i traced little shapes on her back while we talked. i drew a dog and a house and two girl standing outside of it before she moved. nika sunk further into the bed, “i was kind of worried you would.”

“why would it bother me? its really nice when you’re here.” she giggled before turning back towards me, making eye contact in the dark. “do you really think i would give you a key if it bothered me?”

she had really nice eyes, and they were looking right in mine. and the way she talked was so perfect, “i guess i never thought about it that way.” she blinked and it broke me out if my trance, but i was pulled back in the second i could see them again. the chocolate brown swirled around, darker on the inside and lighter on the outside. it had such a sweet look to it and the colour highlighted her face.

nika sighed and then we just layed there in silence, but it wasn’t awkward. nothing needed to be said. the presence of each other being there was just enough.

but i had to break it. i don’t really know why. “are you sure your doing okay?”

she seemed taken aback, her eyes loosing the happiness they had seconds prior to my words. “i- why wouldn’t i be?” she was laying so close to me that i could feel her breath shaking while she spoke, a nervousness coating her expressions.

“niks, i’m just worried about your sleep and stuff. you come in here saying that you cant sleep more often then not,” she pulled the covers slightly closer, twisting the edge lightly with her fingers. “and theres nothing wrong with you coming in here, but is something keeping you up at night?”

“its not like its important or anything.”

“yes it is.”

even though she was laying down she still crossed her arms and gave me a you should be quiet look. “why?”

“because your important. and i care.” a strand of hair fell in front of her face and she blew at it to try and get rid of it, but it kept ended up right back in her face. frustration grew over her face. after she started mumbling swears at it, i tucked it behind her ear.

“why do you care?” she spat, calmness buried underneath her mean tone.

“i don’t know, why are you interrogating me now?”

“you know i didn’t come here for a heart to heart. i came here to sleep.”

“i guess we don’t always get what we want.”

she took in a deep breath, “i’ve been have these nightmares, where i cant do anything right. and coach gets mad at me, then the rest of the team follows,”

“and nobody will talk to me, because i keep messing the plays up. not even you will talk to me.”

“and it gets to the point where nobody will look at me, because they’re ashamed for me. or at me, i’m not really sure. and in the end, i just stop loving basketball.” her voice cracks with those last words and it breaks my heart. and as the tears she was holding back slowly make their way over her waterline and onto her face, i pull her into a hug.

her voice was all squeaky and wobbly, “i just don’t want to be a failure.” nikas face was pressed against my chest, a wet spot appearing on my t-shirt.

“no. look at me,”

nika peered up at me, eyes still glossy with tears. “you are not a failure. you never will be, okay? we all love you so much. i love you so much.”

“yeah.” she sniffled out. my hand held her head close the myself, playing with her hair. my other hand scratched her back, trailing under her shirt slightly.

she wiped her tears with her sleeve before cuddling back in, “your a good friend.” she mumbled into the crook of my neck, her lips brushing lightly over my skin as she spoke.

she was still there when i woke up, snoring lightly. her leg was thrown over me and her arms were still wrapped around my waist. nika was practically a koala, but i didn’t mind.

i was just glad she was there.

most if the time when she came in the night, we wouldn’t talk at all and she would be gone by the time i was awake. usually i was asleep when she got there too. sometimes i didn’t even know she was in my room until she mentions it sometime during the day.

i trusted her, entirely.

it didn’t matter to me if she came in and out throughout the night and the morning.

after awhile, we just stopped talking about it. if she was there, then cool. we didn’t need to have a conversation about why.

im not sure what was different about last night and this morning. but i liked it. i liked talking to her, and i liked having her with me.

she was a cute sleeper too. her messy hair still looked perfect. i could just lay there forever, it was peaceful. but we weren’t going to, because nika woke up. she yawned and stretched her arms up, nudging me in the face with one. “g’morning.”

she peeled herself off of me, smiling up. “good morning. whats the time?”

i shrugged, “i dunno.”

nika got out of the bed, grabbing my hands and pulling me up with her. she didn’t let go when she started to talk, “hey, I’m sorry about last night.”

i smiled at her, it was more of a sad smile though. my thumb traced over her hand, “don’t be. everybody needs somebody.”

she squeezed both of my hands before pulling me into a hug, pressing a quick kiss to the side of my head. “no, i- you said you loved me, and i didn’t say it back. so i’m sorry about that.”

“its fine.”

she spoke quietly, almost like a whisper, “i do love you too, by the way.” she smiled.

i held her face in my hands, “good.” i pressed a light kiss to her chin. “you better love me.”

god, her smile was perfect too. she giggled and smiled again. “ill see you at practice?”

“three hours mühl. trust me, ill be there.” she pulled me into a hug, patting my back.

she pulled away, heading towards the door. “bye bye!”

i walked into practice with my bag slung over my shoulder, barely awake.

i had fallen asleep again after nika had left, only waking up because paige barged into my room, woke me up by scaring me, then still made fun of my scream.

then she forced me to make her waffles, then complained that i had no butter. like…?

i held my head in my hands, rubbing my temples. “p be quiet, for one second please?”

“but-”

“paige. shh.” i took a sip of water and began walking towards the court, not realizing she was multiple steps behind me. at that point, it was too late.

she ran at me and jumped onto my back which sent up both onto the floor, laughing hysterically. i was curled into a ball holding my stomach because it was so funny it hurt. “paige, why?” i laughed out, hitting her over the head for payback.

“oh you did not”

she shot onto her feet and grabbed me, hoisting me onto my feet. i wiggled out of her grip and started to run away, laughing at her as she chased after.

i ran into a brunette girl, grabbing her shoulders in putting her between me and paige. “help! nika, help me please.”

“what did you do?”

i wheezed as i spoke because i was out if breath. “i-”

the blonde girl cut me off, “she hit me.”

“you practically tackled me!”

paige smirked before running around nika towards me, hitting me over the head. she laughed as she ran away, “paige! i’m done.” i spoke as i lied on the floor, staring up at the ceiling.

nika leaned above me, shaking her head while smiling, “get up,” she spoke, dragging out her words.

i groaned and rolled over onto my stomach, ignoring her.

her hands wrapped around my waist, trying to pull me onto my feet. “put me down. its colder on the floor.”

“no.”

once my feet were on the ground, i turned around to face her. i didn’t realize how close she was, because our faces were an inch apart. “not so bad up here, huh?”

“its horrible. i’m getting water.”

she snickered as i walked away, finding paige again. i walked over to the benches, grabbing my water from my bag.

“hm. look what the cat dragged in”

i turned to face the girl, “paige. what?” i sighed, “what are you talking about?”

“nevermind. i have a question.” the blonde sat down next to me, leaning to whisper into my ear, “what up with you and niks?”

“nothing! what?”

“you know what i mean,” she wiggled her eyebrows at me, “i mean she totally likes you.”

“first of all, shes just my friend and my teammate. second of all, this is very random.”

she stood up, putting her hands on her hips. “it would be cute.”

“i guess.”

paige made an explosion sound and motion with her hands. “so you admit to it?”

“fine, yes. shes cute.” the blonde pulled me into a hug and swayed back and forth. “ill make it happen.”

im shutting this idea down. “no, p. your doing nothing.”

“but-” i held a single finger to her lips, silencing her, “shhh.”

“please just let me! trust me it will go perfect.”

i closed my water bottle, placing it down next to me. i went to answer her but coach walked in, the rest of the ream following behind. “alright. lets get started! running laps! go!”

i was so sore. my legs felt like jello and everything hurt. i was laying on my bed on my stomach, scrolling on my phone. it was quiet, until nika came to my dorm again. she normally never came twice in a row, but i didn’t mind. “hey. whats up?”

“i need to talk to you.”

she was fiddling with her fingers and sweatshirts sleeves, a nervous expression pasted over her face. “i was talking to paige after practice today, and i-, uhm.”

“oh god.” i pulled my knees to my chest while sitting up in bed. breaking my eye contact with nika.

she closed the door and sat down in the beanbag chair in the corner of my room. “is it true?”

“yes,” i think i might kill paige. “niks, i don’t want things to to be weird.”

she stood up from the beanbag chair on the floor and walked over to the bed, sitting down next to me. “it wont be.”

“why, i thi-” i never got to finish my sentence.

nika grabbed the side of my face and placed her lips on mine, smiling into it. my hands made their way to her neck before she pulled away. “thats why.”

#wlw #wnba #nika mühl #uconn wbb #nika muhl x reader

[lau219]

Why Deny?

Part 18

Previous part here

**!!!Warning: mature sexual content. 18+ readers ONLY! Minors, DNI!!!**

…………………………………………………………………………….

God, she missed him.

That was the hardest part about all of this.

Not the constantly worrying about hiding her bump. Not the backaches or morning sickness. Not the fact that she still hadn’t even fully wrapped her head around the fact that she was having a baby.

No. It was that she missed Leonard like crazy, wanting nothing more than to go back to how things were between them, to be with him, to take care of him, and realizing that no matter how much she shut him out, she couldn’t get herself to stop loving him. And as time passed and that fact didn’t change, she secretly doubted that she’d ever be able to.

There was also the small but pestering problem of certain...needs. Not only had her decision to cut him off abruptly ended the sex between them, but as this pregnancy progressed, she found herself increasingly horny on what seemed to be a daily basis. As mad at Leonard as she’d been, a part of her had been seconds away from pouncing on him when they’d argued in his office the other week.

As her alarm went off on her phone for her to leave for her doctor’s appointment, Y/N stood from her chair. As she turned and reached for her coat, she felt the now familiar prodding across her lower abdomen as the baby kicked her, but this time it was slightly painful, almost seeming like the baby was intentionally tormenting her.

“Oww! You little asshole!” she said affectionately to her stomach as she looked down and placed a hand on her bump, hoping it would still the baby. She then shook her head as she spoke again.

“I think you get that from your daddy. I’ve told you about him; he’s an asshole, too.”

A moment later, the kicking stopped, and she took her hand off her stomach.

“That’s just what this world needs,” she said with warm sarcasm, “another Leonard Miller.”

When she felt a final kick, as if the baby was replying, Y/N laughed to herself as she slipped into her coat and grabbed her bag. Taking a deep breath, she fully opened her office door and walked out, trying not to think about Leonard as she headed to her appointment.

•.•.•.•.•

Leonard had heard Y/N talking as he’d walked past her office, her door slightly open. Upon listening, he realized she was talking to herself as she was moving around for her coat.

“Oww! You little asshole!” he heard her say, and the sound of her movements stopped for a moment. Then she spoke again, her tone soft and full of annoyed affection.

“I think you get that from your daddy. I’ve told you about him; he’s an asshole, too.”

He could hear the smile in her voice as she then spoke again.

“That’s just what this world needs, another Leonard Miller.”

Leonard didn’t realize he was smiling to himself. In private, Y/N clearly hadn’t shut him out as much as he thought she had, and he almost went into her office to confront her when he heard her begin to move again. He then remembered she had her appointment, and before she found him, he quickly walked away, making it into his own office before Y/N left hers.

•.•.•.•.•

Last week, she’d been set on not telling him; she was going to make him wait to find out. But now, knowing the answer herself, she found it hard to imagine keeping it from him. As she went to the front desk at the clinic to check out, she was still debating when the receptionist handed her a file folder.

“Before you leave, I just want to review a few of your documents in case anything has changed since we saw you for the first time,” the receptionist said.

“Sure, no problem,” Y/N replied as she set her purse down on the counter and the receptionist scrolled down her computer screen and began asking questions.

“Are you still at the same address on Sharpton Avenue?”

“Yes,” Y/N replied.

“And have you started any new prescriptions or over the counter stuff besides your vitamins?”

“No,” Y/N shook her head.

“And we can still send your husband all your information and records?”

Y/N’s brow immediately furrowed and she shook her head in confusion after a second of silence.

“I’m sorry, what?” she said to the receptionist.

“You’re still ok with sending everything pertaining to your appointments to your husband?” The receptionist shifted her eyes from her computer screen to Y/N.

“My husband?” Y/N finally said, still totally confused.

“Leonard Miller?” the receptionist responded. “You listed him on your HIPAA form as a designated party for sending your information.” She looked at Y/N with equal confusion for seemingly not remembering her own husband.

“When did I do that?” Y/N asked.

The receptionist turned back to her screen.

“Uhhh, it looks like we got it via fax from a business number a little over a week ago.”

“Can I see the form?” Y/N asked, the gears in her head turning as she tried to understand what was happening. When the receptionist gave her an odd look, she quickly made up a fib.

“Sorry, pregnancy brain,” she explained. “I just don’t remember filling it out, and my husband recently had a change to his work phone number and email address. I just want to make sure I remembered to put down his current information, not his old contact info.”

“Ohhhh, I see. No problem.” The receptionist’s expression returned to a relaxed one as she pressed a few clicks on her computer mouse and printed the form.

“I hate to tell you this, but that whole pregnancy brain thing only gets worse the farther along you are,” she said to Y/N with a smile as she handed her the form.

In a rush to look at the sheet of paper, Y/N just gave her an awkward forced smile in return as she took the form to the waiting area and sat down in an empty chair. As her eyes landed on it, her heart stopped briefly as she recognized Leonard’s handwriting on the form.

Beginning to process the fact that he had filled this out, Y/N glanced through each line and saw that he’d listed himself as her husband and had marked off that he should receive any and all test results for her and the baby, as well as all appointment notes for each of her visits. As she glanced at the date in the corner, she saw that he’d filled it out when she’d gone home sick the other week. As far as her signature at the bottom, it was there, although upon closer inspection, it looked a little faded. He’d obviously copied it off something else. Below her signature, she saw that someone from the clinic staff had added a handwritten note to the form, marked with an asterisk.

*Recently married. Spouse requested to be listed as patient’s emergency contact. Contact form faxed to spouse to update information.

Slowly raising her head, Y/N tried to process what she’d just discovered. She stared blankly out the large window for several minutes, before finally swallowing and looking down at the paper again.

She should have been mad at him. She should have been furious. What Leonard had done was a huge violation of her privacy, not to mention a huge violation of plenty of rules. Once again, he’d gone against what she’d wanted and interfered, and what he’d done was totally inappropriate.

And she was mad. She was furious. But that anger was quickly being overshadowed by something else as she realized what Leonard having done this meant.

He really did want this. He really was invested. She wanted to both slap him across the face and kiss him senseless. And as she once again recalled the things he’d said during their argument the other week, she felt a huge swell of emotion wash over her.

Slowly standing up, she walked back to the front desk and handed the form back to the receptionist.

“Do you need to change anything on this?” the receptionist asked her. “I can print you a new form if you need to fix his email or phone number.”

“No, looks like I put down his current info after all,” Y/N replied. “But thanks.”

•.•.•.•.•

Hearing the ding of a new message notification sound from his phone, Leonard quickly picked it up and opened his emails. Upon seeing the just received message from Y/N’s clinic regarding her appointment, his heart rate quickened, and he hesitated for just a moment before tapping on the chart note, seeing a small thumbnail of the latest ultrasound image and reading the basic details.

Chart No. 43643

Patient Name: Y/F/N Y/L/N

Singleton pregnancy

Gestational age: 20 weeks 2 days

Fetal activity present

Cardiac activity present

Fetal heartrate: 164 BPM

Fetal growth: Within normal range

Fetal sex: Male

Leonard read the last line again.

Fetal sex: Male.

Male.

It was a boy.

She was having a boy.

A huge smile spread across Leonard’s face, and he had never felt more full of pride than he did at that moment. As he read the report yet again, he couldn’t stop smiling. Damn right, it was a boy.

When he finally set his phone down, he thought about Y/N. What did she think? Was she happy? Would she, in fact, have told him the news after all?

Just then, almost as if on cue, Leonard heard the door to his office open and he looked up, his eyebrows raising slightly as he saw Y/N standing there. Saying nothing, she stepped inside and turned, closing the door behind her before turning to face him once more.

He couldn’t quite read her expression as she looked at him, but before he could try and decipher it, she walked over to him, Leonard turning to fully face her as she stopped in front of him.

“What?” he said as he looked at her.

Not answering, she tilted her head and looked back at him for just another moment, her eyes full of what seemed to be both anger and affection. But before Leonard could speak again, Y/N suddenly reached up and tightly grasped his collar in both her hands, roughly pulling him to her as she crashed her lips against his.

Obviously, it wasn’t what he was expecting, and Leonard’s eyebrows raised in surprise and he awkwardly grabbed her hips to steady himself as she pulled him against her. As her lips moved over his, he was still momentarily caught off guard, but within seconds, he was kissing her back, sliding his hands from her hips to her back and wrapping his arms around her as he now pulled her closer.

He could feel both anger and warmth in her kiss, in her body language, pressing her mouth against him a bit more forcefully than normal. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he realized she must have found out what he’d done, but instead of feeling bad about it, he himself got a little angry again – he wouldn’t have had to do it if she hadn’t shut him out. They were both channeling anger and love for the other, and when Y/N pulled away from his mouth and looked at him, they each gave each other a heated glare.

“Fuck me,” Y/N said to him as she held his eyes. “Fuck me right now.”

Every vein in Leonard’s body pulsed as he looked in her eyes, and the next second, his mouth was on hers again, grabbing the back of her head as she pressed against him. He hadn’t held her in months, and now, her pregnant belly was a bit of a roadblock to having her as close as he’d like, but feeling her bump against his own body was a new experience that immediately made him swell with pride again. Placing a hand on her stomach, he affectionately glided his palm over her bump before then sliding his hand around to her bottom and more aggressively squeezing her ass. Still gripping his collar, Y/N backed up, pulling Leonard with her as her butt met the edge of his desk, his hand releasing her cheek and curling under her thigh instead as he helped her up onto the desktop, blindly shoving things out of the way, his coffee mug shattering on the floor as it fell from the desk.

Quickly parting her legs, Y/N moaned as Leonard stepped between them, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her to the edge of the desk before gliding his hands under her skirt and pushing it up her thighs. Y/N then released his collar and pressed her palms to his chest instead, before slipping a hand up to curl around his neck as she lowered her mouth from his and began kissing his throat. Her hand at the back of his neck toyed with his hair, tugging it and scratching at his scalp. Leonard finished shoving her skirt up to her waist and then found the hem of her panties, which were actually more like high-waisted shorts, the waistband sitting about halfway up her bump. He pulled away from her slightly, her lips losing contact with his neck.

“Nice underwear,” he taunted her with a smirk as he hooked his fingers in the waistband and began to pull them down. Truthfully, he found them insanely hot, her beautiful bump revealed as he pulled them down her body.

“Shut up,” she said, glaring at him as she grabbed his tie and roughly pulled him closer. Leonard couldn’t help but smile against her lips as they kissed again, Y/N still tightly grasping his tie in her fist.

Maneuvering herself on his desk, Y/N helped Leonard remove her underwear before they both then reached for his waistband, frantically opening his button and unzipping his fly. When she couldn’t get his pants lowered enough, Y/N parted from his lips once more and violently grabbed his suspender straps, tugging them harshly before hurriedly pulling them off his shoulders. Leonard then pushed his pants down and Y/N lifted her hands to his crotch, stroking his already hard cock through his briefs, his hands gliding over her bare ass as she touched him.

“You need me to fuck you, doll?” Leonard said lowly as he pushed her hand out of the way, lowering his briefs.

“Yes,” Y/N breathed out as she wrapped her arms around his neck and lifted her legs around his waist. “Do it.”

Completely lost in her, Leonard urgently pressed his cock to her entrance and then harshly gripped her ass, scooting her to the very edge of his desk while simultaneously driving into her. He grunted loudly as she cried out in pleasure, and Y/N lowered her hands from his neck to move to his shoulders, gripping them tightly as Leonard began thrusting in and out of her.

“Keep going,” she breathed against his neck as she clutched his shoulders. “Please.”

She started to pant, and her legs tightened around his waist as Leonard began to move faster, his own breath ragged as he turned his face to hers and grabbed her chin, kissing her roughly. She squeezed her legs tighter around his waist, and Leonard lowered his hand from her face and placed it on her belly instead, still moving in and out of her.

“You’re lucky you’re already pregnant,” he said lowly to her, his voice full of arousal and possession. “Otherwise, I’d fuck you until you were.”

Y/N moaned at his words, covering his hand with hers over her stomach as her walls clamped around him.

“Leonard...” she moaned again as he thrusted even harder.

“So fucking stubborn,” he ground out as he slid his hand from her stomach down to her core and rolled her swollen clit, Y/N releasing a high whine as he touched her.

“This is over, you understand me?” Leonard said then, their eyes meeting. “You’re done shutting me out. You and that baby are mine.”

Her heart pounding, Y/N nodded desperately, gripping his shoulders again as she felt her release quickly building. Their eyes still locked, she couldn’t stop herself from saying the words as she saw the same reflected in his eyes.

“I love you.”

Her words sent him over the edge, emotion coursing through him as Leonard roughly grabbed her ass again, holding her steady as he thrusted with insane urgency. Within moments, he felt her clamp more tightly around him, and as his own release approached, he held her eyes until she could no longer keep them open, squeezing them tightly closed and her head falling back as she came with a desperate moan.

Leonard’s release was on the heels of hers, and he came as she was still riding out her aftershocks. His palms slamming against the desktop, he braced himself as his head hung in the crook of Y/N’s neck. They both could only breathe for several moments, coming down from the rush and the high and slowly allowing their surroundings to filter back into their awareness.

Finally lifting his head from her neck, Leonard looked at Y/N, her chest still heaving as he raised his hands and tenderly cupped her face. Looking up into his eyes, Y/N felt on the verge of tears.

“Do you know how long I’ve loved you?” Leonard said to her.

Y/N shook her head.

“I’m sorry,” she replied quietly. “I didn’t know if you felt the same. I was afraid that...I just...I couldn’t lose you completely, so I wanted to give you a way out.”

It was Leonard’s turn to shake his head.

“I love you,” he said. He then rested a hand on her stomach again. “This is what I want.”

Y/N lifted her arms and wrapped them around his neck, pulling him into a soft kiss as he cupped her cheek. When they parted, Y/N rested her forehead against his, speaking quietly.

“I know what you did. The form.” She then pulled away from him. “I know what you did,” she repeated.

“You didn’t give me much choice, doll,” Leonard replied.

She smiled at him and was quiet for a moment, and then she spoke again.

“It’s a boy.”

Leonard smiled.

“I know,” he said, “thanks to that form. Couldn’t count on you telling me, could I?”

Y/N just smiled again.

•.•.•.•.•

Later that night, they lay in his bed in the dark, their bare bodies spooning as they each recovered from another orgasm. Due to Y/N’s belly, they’d had to get somewhat...creative, but after the three-plus months apart, it wasn’t going to stop them.

Leonard draped his arm over her from behind, alternating between resting his palm on her bump and holding her hand. After a stretch of satisfied silence, Y/N spoke.

“You realize that me not being angry with you right now for what you did just means that I get to punish you sometime in the future, right?”

Leonard smiled at her teasing tone.

“I’ll change the first hundred diapers, how’s that?” he said.

She giggled.

“Well, considering that’ll likely only get us through the first week, I’m not sure it’ll be enough, but I’ll consider it.”

He smiled again, and Y/N let out a contented sigh, lifting his hand off her stomach and idly toying her fingers with his. After a moment, Leonard spoke again.

“You’re going to marry me,” he said to her matter-of-factly.

“Oh?” she replied with amused teasing. “Says who?”

“I do,” he replied. “And in case you forgot, I’m your superior, so you have to do what I say.”

She smiled.

“If I marry you, you aren’t allowed to play that card.”

“Is that a ‘yes’?”

Looking over her shoulder at him, Y/N pressed a kiss to Leonard’s lips and squeezed his hand before she rested her head on the pillow again.

“Depends on how easy or how hard it is for this baby you put in me to come out,” she said teasingly, and squeezed his hand again. “If he comes out in under 12 hours of labor, you can start looking for a ring.”

Leonard smiled again and leaned into her, kissing her neck as he slipped his hand out of hers and laid it on her stomach.

“Deal,” he said.

@nyxxie-pooh @xsweetcatastrophe @febris-amatoria @natalie--rushman @hannibellector

@beastofburdenxo @alltoowellbeneaththemangotree @meister95 @garrison-girl-08 @hudson-bay-girl

@neonpurplestars89-blog @fuseburner @ceirinen @allie131313 @betty21rose

@aphroditeslover11 @devotedlyshadowytheorist @tenderly-hopeful-collection

#leonard miller #leonard miller fic #leonard miller x reader #leonard miller x female reader #leonard miller smut #cillian murphy #cillian x fem!reader #cillian x y/n #cillian murphy smut #18+ only

[neptunescore]

Most of the drivers are more concerned about padding their own pockets. Lando is probably the worst on the grid though. He has a lot of influence and acts like he keeps it real and doesn’t care bc he tells it like it is and isn’t afraid. He’s a total faker. He never speaks up and only repeats what his PR team tell him to say. Nothing seems genuine or real about him. Not only that but Lando travels the world and has fans from all over and doesn’t even care to look at a map and be made aware of what part of the world he’s in. He charges obscene amounts for his shitty merchandise when he knows his fans aren’t making that kind of money. He also accepts money when he does stream on twitch. He has no shame. At the Miami GP he goes and says people should respect a guy who has a known reputation for being an incredibly racist and misogynistic. His fan girls don’t care though bc they all think they have a shot with him and think he’s cute.

Lando no backbone Norris, yeah put that on a shirt.

I used to be a fan of his but over the years I’ve been finding him more and more annoying.

Anon, in the most gentle way, while I do agree with some things here, I feel like there are so many other things ur getting angry at him for, for no reason.

Like yes, I am INCREDIBLEY angry/ irritated abt the stuff he said abt trump, and his unawareness/ ignorance of the boycott, as well as (and this for all the drivers, EXCEPT LEWIS HAMILTON THE GOAT), his inability to post/ talk abt the genocide happening in Palestine.

However, U saying there's nothing 'genuine' abt him, and talking abt how he doesn't know 'which part of the world he's in', is just way too much. Like we've never met him, we dont know him personally, so we can't really say anything when it comes to him being 'genuine' or not. Also, come one getting mad at him for not knowing where countries are is a bit to much, like ofc everyone is free to dislike a driver just bc, but don't hate on him for smthng so lame😭.

U also talk abt how 'he made his merch too expensive for fans', anon, merch - in general - has ALWAYS been expensive, like go look at the rbr, mercedes, ferrari, ANY OF THE TEAMS' merch. Go look at TAYLOR SWIFTS merch, at OSCAR'S merch, at DANIEL'S Enchante stuff. Obv, we'd all like if the stuff was less pricey, but u can't just get mad at one person and not get mad at the others for the same thing.

'He accepts money when he streams on twitch,' I feel like u don't get how his fans VOLUNTARILY give that money, like no lando does not demand them for it, or tell them he'll hate them if they don't give him anything, he's NEVER said he wants them to donate😭. And me personally, if someone was giving me money willingly and happily, I wouldn't refuse it ( its hard out here😔✋🏽) no matter if I was rich or not.

Anyway to end this, I just wanna say that I don't like lando either😭, it's not that he sucks, or that I think he's 'overrrated' I just don't personally vibe with him. (He gives me like 17 yr old f boy energy vibes). But that doesn't mean I'll create reasons to hate him, or like be one of those weirdos who go and talk shit in his comments. I just don't follow him, and when he DOES do smthng wrong, I call him out for it, like I would do for every other driver.

And whoever likes him, can like him. Its their choice, as long as they can admit when he does smthn wrong.

(THIS IS ALL ABT OFF-TRACK, on-track I say you must bcm the biggest haters against drivers u dont like bc if not then WHERES THE PASSIONN😤😤. stop the hate as soon as the race ends tho😭🙏🏽)

#lando norris #f1 #formula one #formula 1 #nep's inbox🪐

[that-one-gay-from-the-gay-club]

OKKK SO DO U HAVE ANY NICE JAMES HEADCANONS? <3

HDJDUJHKFS YES I DO BUCKLE YOUR SEATBELTS EVERYONE

I think he's REALLY REALLY good with kids. I think when he was in like 4/5/6/7th years he was playing quiddich with first years who were nervous, teaching them to fly, etc

Once he's your friend, you're ride or die. There's no getting rid of him. Ever. (Which incidentally makes Peters betrayal so much worse)

He likes to paint. He has customised lighters for all of his friends for no reason. Half of them don't smoke.

He is actually really fucking smart, but he's the sort of guy who barely studies but always passes, you know the annoying bastards that I'm talking about

But he does teach others. Everyone in the common room knows that if you're stuck on a problem, especially transfiguration or charms, to go to him.

INCREDIBLE SWEET TOOTH. 2am snack parties

Cannot cook to save his life. The man tried to make porridge once and somehow got a brick.

Paints his nails. Black and gold mostly.

Well, lily paints his nails. He never really gets them right when he does it.

He once fake went out with a girl who was scared people would find out she's gay. He gave her the courage to come out

Didn't think twice about moving sirius in. Didn't even ask his mum. Told her when she got in from work "mum sirius lives here now!" And she was just like "yeah sure whatever"

Love language is gift giving. He gets an allowance from his parents that he barely knows what to do with so he spends it on his friends. They're I'm hogsmead and remus mentions being hungry? Five minutes later Let's just nip into here, I'm starving, no come on ill pay I dragged us in here. Sirius running out of eyeliner? Yeah the magazine was doing luke a weird his and hers sale and I needed some stuff anyway, so there's eyeshadow and a lipstick there too.

He's basically just a little gut and he's so nice and ill reblig this whenever I have additions

#marauders #james potter #james fleamont potter #the man he is #the marauders #marauders era #harry potter

[superstarz9]

So y’all fw EVEN MORE Mr. Puzzles hcs?

Cause I got some :}

tbh I feel like Puzzles get’s too babied in the fandom. A lot of people forget that he’s kind of an asshole, and takes a long time to warm up to people. However, once he realizes how he feels and is willing to reach out more, things get a lot better.

It’d probably be really awkward more than anything else. He wouldn’t understand relationship stuff and you’d have to explain things to him, which would kill the tension for a bit. However, he makes a huge effort trying to be a good partner.

Puzzles wants a relationship (platonic or romantic) but doesn’t want to be fixed/helped. He likes the attention and having a permanent audience.

If anyone here knows Guilty Gear, you guys would probably be like A.B.A and Paracelsus, where the two of you would get into a relationship out of needing something from the other rather than for genuine interests (Him wanting someone to control and you wanting to fix him (or make him worse)) (Yes, this is a callout post for all of us, me included). It would take a while for the both of you to finally realize that your goals are what is harming the relationship from going further, and it takes a while to overcome that boundary. But once you guys do, it’s much easier to work together.

If your relationship is in the real world, he���d probably get annoyed with you more often than not during the beginning. Nothing that would make him lose it, but enough that he’d need to take a moment to readjust. Picture him dealing with Mario’s antics in the gameshow episode without going crazy, as well as him talking to Boopkins during the Price is Right Segment.

Bottom.

He’ll let you kiss his screen but the moment you aren’t looking he’s wiping that shit off. Not because he doesn’t like it, in fact he loves how much you wanna kiss him and give him attention, but it’s a ocd/texture thing; he can’t handle feeling dirty in any way.

When he blushes, it’s like screen-burn (when a static/unmoving image burns into the screen for long periods of time). If he’s blushed in the past 30 mins, you can still slightly see it up close.

His love languages is gift giving and acts of service. He also loves literally everything except gift because you’d be the greatest gift (plus he’s personally not a material-wealth kinda guy. Leave the gift-giving to him).

Doesn’t have a type/isn’t picky. Anyone who’s willing to give him attention, he’ll love.

He hasn’t genuinely laughed at something in years. He’s seen all the comedy shows and knows all the tropes so much that nothing gets to him anymore. You might make him chuckle or smirk but his goal is to make you smile and laugh. If you do laugh at his jokes, it warms his heart a lot. However, he can tell if a laugh is forced/fake, and will call you out on it if he’s not in a good mood.

Whether you like it or not, you pretty much can’t leave him alone once the two of you are official. If he needs some kind of comfort, he’s latching onto you. If you’re far away, he’ll either make the journey to see you or will call you every ten minutes

Hates modern phones and can’t text for shit. The gloves DO NOT help at all. He’ll just call you if he wants to talk to you, but the two of you are usually together so there’s no need.

Literally just unhindged Fluttercord.

A Two-for-one deal: a partner and a white noise machine lol.

Tastes like battery acid. I will not elaborate further.

His memories are like recordings that he can display on his screen, but he rarely does. If he falls asleep and dreams about memories of you, he might display them like that one scene of Pearl sleeping in Steven Universe.

Loves coordinating and matching outfits, but he’ll literally wear the same thing so he likes it when you coordinate with him, really.

Fr tho he is totally a bottom, but he’s overall more of a switch. If he has control over the situation, he’ll make sure everything goes flawlessly. However, if you make him go off-script and cause him to fumble, you can easily take over.

Now these ones are specifically horror movie/show based from a request last post!

He’s okay with slasher movies, but hates the amount of unnecessary stuff like the swearing and sex. All cheep tactics to the the audience interested.

Hates phycological horror. Respects it, but hates it. Partially because he’s in minor denial of what he puts his actors through (he knows and accepts that’s he’s brainwashing people and controlling them, but he often justifies if for his sake).

Likes watching some horror movies because a lot of actors started with horror and got bigger because of it.

Truthfully, he’s a little traumatized from horror movies after staying up late one night to watch night television and adult shows as a kid. When a horror movie started playing, he forced himself to watch the whole thing and had nightmares about it months after. He overall tries to avoid horror.

If you guys are in a relationship and you wanna watch a horror movie, he’ll be hesitant. As you set it up, he’d also try to switch the movie and distract you, which fails. “Well, I mean, if you insist. Oh- but how about this other movie! It’s excellent, and the bonus features are so interesting!”

If you call him out for it, he’d apologies and admit he’s not a fan of horror. You could totally tease him, saying that “there’s no such thing as monster” and that you’re there to protect him if something goes bump in the night, and he’ll get offended and would watch the movie JUST to prove that he isn’t afraid.

He’d be shaking by the 30 min mark, over-dramatically reacting to everything. This could be for 1 of 2 things:

1. He’s genuinely terrified and the suspense is killing him. He’s curled up on the couch with his manic smile waiting for SOMETHING to happen, but nothing’s happening yet, so why’s THE MUSIC GETTING LOUDER?!?!?! You could scare him with a poke or a loud noise, which would cause him to basically skyrocket to the ceiling in fear, or you could gently take his hand and cuddle with him, which he’d immediately grab onto you and squeeze you the entire movie.

2. The acting is horrible and nothing makes sense. If the fear isn’t good enough to captivate him, he’s sprawled out on the couch and complaining the whole time. It’s almost funny how passionate he is about it, if not for the fact that you just wanna watch a movie. You could shush him, but he’ll just go back to talking in the next 5 minutes.

As for the theatre, you kinda can’t take him regardless of what’s playing, mainly because of his screen. He can’t dim it, and he’s already a beacon of light in dim rooms, so the theatre is a no go. He doesn’t mind, as he obviously prefer television. However, if you’re willing to drive and watch them, he’s fine with drive-in theatres. They remind him of his childhood, and it give him a reason to cuddle with you.

Only major downside of a drive-in is all the bugs sticking to his screen in the night, which he’d freak out about. He’d drench himself with so much bug repellent that he’d stink of chemicals.

Here’s a bunch of relationship hcs! Tried to make them mostly interchangeable between romantic and platonic relationships. I’ll continue to cook up more headcanons but I may or may not be working on a fic of my own, inspired by all the amazing writing I’ve been reading from the fandom. Til then, I’ll continue posting here! Questions/comments/suggestions are greatly appreciated. Thanks and have a great day!

#headcanons #mr puzzles #mr puzzles headcanons #puzzlevision

[devilsrecreation]

Skink personality headcanons

Inspired by/adding onto @spinnysocks ‘s post

Nyeusi:

-Along with being the stealthiest skink, he’s also the quietest of the bunch. While Ed and Neema don’t talk but still communicate through sounds, Nyeusi prefers to stay absolutely silent. When he does make noises like hissing or flicking his tongue, it’s only around the skinks (and Ushari when he was alive). Only time where he hisses or flicks his tongue at someone else is to insult them

-While he doesn’t have anger issues like Kenge does, it’s not that hard to piss him off. All you have to do is shove him aside and he’s already plotting revenge against you

-The skinks sometimes forget he’s there. They’ll be talking, Nyeusi suddenly flicks his tongue to comment on something, and Njano would be like “Have you been here the whole time?”

-Romance repulsed aroace; you can go do your thing with your partner, he’ll just he over by his favorite rock trying not to puke

Nyata:

-She’s one of the least likely to get mad other than Njano. She gets more amused if anything

-She’s very sassy and quick-witted. She can come up with the best comebacks on the spot and it never ceases to amuse Shupavu

-She’s definitely very smug, often mocking Nyeusi after beating him in a race. She’s competitive like that

-Honestly has a little respect for Kinyonga. Not everyone can outrun her. I like to think after Kinyonga escaped her and Nyeusi, she went “Huh…respect” before getting up to go after her. I’m not saying she likes being beaten, but she’s a good sport lol

Green female skink (who my friend has named Nyororo):

-I have a feeling she’s the flirty one, managing to sweet-talk her way into getting what she wants. All she has to do is bat her eyelashes, maybe tickle someone with her tail, and she’s getting her way no matter what. It’s only until after she’s long gone when you’d realize you’ve been tricked

-She always knows exactly what to say in every situation in order to trick someone, it’s actually kinda scary

-She’s actually known Shupavu for a while, about as long as Njano has. Maybe even longer. They’ll tell each other everything and it’s the one time Nyororo’s sweetness isn’t a trick. It’s why she sometimes joins Shupavu and Njano on missions

-You could definitely beat her at her own game by flirting with/complimenting her back. It’s not super easy though. You have to have a certain trick up your sleeve and that trick is being a girl. She can handle guys, but if it’s a girl flirting with her, she’ll get all flustered

Waza:

-Waza’s the mediator and the most chill of the group. When two skinks are arguing, he’s the one to step in and resolve it either by talking to them or by slapping them with his tail (whichever is easier at the moment lol)

-I like to think his keen eye is…inconvenient at times. He notices when someone tries to sneak away or catches someone doing weird stuff when they think they’re alone, yet he couldn’t see where Kinyonga went when the skinks were chasing her. Waza wasn’t paying attention when someone does something suspicious but somehow knows all the cutesy nicknames Reirei calls Goigoi when she thinks she’s alone

-He’s sometimes quick to assume

-Has a plan for everything cuz he comes up with all kinds of scenarios in his head

Orange skink, who that same friend has called Hasira (anger):

-You know those grumpy, sometimes old characters who get annoyed by just about everything the main character does? Yeah, that’s Hasira

-He’s definitely the eldest in the group, about middle-aged in skink years

-He’s seen it all, but not in a “wise mentor” kind of way. It’s more like “I’ve been through a lot of bullshit and I’m just done” lmao

-He’s also kind of a reluctant babysitter to everyone. Shupavu may be the leader, but he’s the one making sure no one actually dies hfhfgfg

#finally got around to doing this #i love making headcanons for background characters #it’s pretty fun #nyeusi’s my favorite background skink #but all of their designs are really great #skinks #tlg outlanders #the lion guard

[billpottsismygf]

The Devil's Chord! This was my most highly anticipated episode of the series because of The Beatles - who I'm very nostalgic for, sue me - but they had a much smaller part than I expected. That may be for the best, as the actors don't look anything like the real deal, but they did an admirable job considering the circumstances.

I love the idea behind this one. I'm a musician myself and love things about music. Music being important, music being holy, I love it all. Everything from Maestro playing us into the theme tune, to the way it aligns with the characters' established personalities (the Doctor's jukebox and Ruby's band), made me very happy. The music battle was especially cool. Very The Devil Went Down to Georgia. Out there, but I liked it a lot.

Maestro was also a lot. I liked them, though. Great costumes, great performance. A campy villain in the best way. They're the Toymaker's child, which is interesting in itself, and I like that the rules around fair play seemed to extend to them as well.

There was a lot of series arc stuff here. So, Ruby has Carol of the Bells deeply ingrained within her. There was some important figure (another of the Pantheon, presumably) at her birth - is Ruby herself a child of the Pantheon? More snow, as well. There's also the One Who Waits coming up again. It all feels a little too self-conscious and crammed in - "remember, there's pay-off coming for these random mysteries that you have no context for!". I know we live in an era of heavily serialised media, in large part because of streaming and the binge model, and obviously Doctor Who has been semi-serialised since the revival, but it just seems like a lot. Maybe even too much, especially since the first episode was quite heavy with it too.

Although, I did wonder if this one was meant to be later in the series. First Ruby saying "you never hide" and then "you always know what to do" signaled a far longer association with the Doctor than she has had, but then it was especially jarring when she said it was hard to keep track of when her time is and it could be June or July... That sounds like someone who's been travelling with the Doctor for a while, not like someone who's on their second trip. And it was Christmas for her only last episode. Obviously there can be off-screen trips, but usually for the first couple of episodes we want to feel that this is the start of their journey as the audience gets to know them. Did this get plucked from later in the series and dropped into the episode 2 slot? Because it seems a bit of a shame, if so.

There was a lot of fourth wall breaking in this one as well. There was a wink to camera each from Maestro and the Doctor, as well as the Doctor's comment about thinking the music was non-diegetic (a nice little moment that probably a lot of people will miss). I do quite like a meta moment, and particularly loved the Twelfth Doctor's partaking in them, but I wonder if these serve a particular purpose, because we also had Mrs Flood talking to camera at the end of the Christmas special. Since RTD seems to be going with a theme that the rules of the universe have changed and become a bit more magical, I wouldn't be surprised if the meta elements tied in somehow.

Then, this is less meta and more fully surreal, but that whole ending musical number was... odd. I don't know what I think about it yet. The Doctor with his wink and "there's always a twist at the end" seemed to signal that we were leaving the normal reality of the show, but then... Did that musical number literally happen? How about the Abbey Road zebra crossing acting like a piano? It's part of my specific brand of autism that I struggle with surreal things when it's not clear how/whether they relate to the more realistic things going on, so maybe other people love it. It just made me feel confused, though, and slightly annoyed. I expected a musical number because the trailers showing this made that fairly clear, but I'd assumed it would be explicitly connected to the strange happenings of the episode. Instead it's just plonked at the end after everything has been fixed.

A lot of this latter stuff sounds quite negative, but overall I really liked this one! As I said before, the music stuff speaks to me personally very much, and I'll withhold final judgement about the serialisation stuff and even the meta/surreal stuff, as it may well pay off yet.

Small things

Love their outfits so much, and obviously we've known about them for a while, but it was funny they were worried about blending in when both of them (especially Ruby) were wearing pretty 60s adjacent outfits at the start. The Doctor was more 70s, but I don't think many people would have looked askance.

Ahhhh, Fifteen mentioning that One was in the junkyard made me exceedingly happy! The speculation about what happened to Susan also has me hoping beyond hope that this might be set-up for a Susan return.

I loved that extended instrumental scene where Ruby just played on the rooftop and people listened. It was quite moving!

Love hearing the word "lesbians" on Doctor Who <3 - I don't think even Bill explicitly got to use that word!

Just the general queerness is really nice. Ruby writing a song for her friend's gay break up. Maestro being they/them and it not really being a thing beyond their introduction. Ruby's mum having a "girlfriend" who was a Beatles fan that makes me wonder if that's in the platonic or gay sense.

I want to know the behind the scenes details of how they chose the music they did, especially when it comes to the chords that both summon and banish Maestro.

Henry the child is real and alive at the end! (Though it's during the musical number, so I guess real is dubious.) When he vanished into nothingness (and his music teacher didn't seem to care), I had thought he wasn't real. Does he have his own world-ending powers?

The Doctor referring to bigeneration as having had his soul "torn in half". Hmm, don't like that! I won't rehash my feelings on bigeneration here, but this implies that there is not continuity between the end of Fourteen and the start of Fifteen, which mucks up one of the only ways I could hold onto being just about okay with it.

#doctor who #the devil's chord #mine #dwmine #reactions #doctor who spoilers #dwspoilers #it's not even a good musical number #oh well #also the susan thing has me genuinely very very hopeful #please please please bring back carole ann ford while you still can #and obviously if you do bring back susan she had better be played by carole ann ford #dwe15

[whataboutthefish]

Dream Baby

Written for the @harringrovemicrofic challenge 3

The prompt is Green and the word count goal is 914

Rating - General audiences Pairing Steve Harrington/Billy Hargrove Tags - Pregnancy, Surrogate, Steve cries a lot, Max is the best sister, Fluff Word count - 914 Link to Ao3 here

What had started as a drunken comment one Sunday afternoon at their monthly BBQ had turned into something far more serious. Sure Steve had cried when he finally let it all out, how much he wanted a child, how overwhelming the options were. The idea of finding a surrogate was so hard and so many factors had to be considered. 

Would the mother be healthy? Could they share the pregnancy with them, be there for some of the firsts? It all led to a very emotional and somewhat drunk Steve, and Billy doing all he could to console his husband. 

None of them had noticed the way Max’s brow furrowed and the look she gave Lucas as Steve took another beer which Billy swiftly removed from his hand and passed surreptitiously behind his back to Robin.

The day Max came to them with her plan Steve and Billy both cried. She’d worked it all out in a way that wasn’t pushy but certainly made Steve’s heart swell with joy and a look of pride come over Billy’s face even when he pulled her into a noogie until she was swearing and landing some pretty hard elbows to Billy’s gut.

The plan was simple, since she was Billy’s sister they were going to use Steve’s sperm so the baby would look like both of them. When Billy pointed out that they weren’t even related like that everyone in the room turned and gave him the stink eye. Steve even got his ‘I mean business’ hands on his hips. 

It turned out to be fairly simple from there on. Steve had been keeping a log of her cycle, which Max grumbled at him for because, “Steve, it’s just weird alright. You shouldn't know more about all that stuff than me.” But it was worthwhile when Max got pregnant on their first try

However the bickering was part of what made Max, Max and Steve wouldn’t have her any other way. When he talked to Lucas he was informed it had only made her more scary to live with and he thanked Steve. Damn man loved Max’s sass as much as they did, possibly more. 

Steve and Billy watched as their child grew inside of Max. Steve couldn’t keep his hands off the bump and bawled his eyes out when he felt their sweet one kick. They became insufferable in the late stages of the pregnancy. But Max rolled with it, taking advantage of the two men that would bend over backwards for her. And besides, Billy gave a mean foot massage. 

Max went into labor at 3am on a Tuesday morning. She was staying with Steve and Billy so they heard her swear like a sailor. Billy rushed to her side while Steve grabbed their go bag and ran to the car. It was Max that had to remind them that the contractions weren't close enough to go to the hospital yet.

When the time came Steve had to lay a gentle hand on Billy’s knee to stop him from speeding. By the time they were in the birthing suite they started to really annoy the crap out of Max. 

"I might be about to push a melon out my vag for you, but I am not an invalid. I can get my own ice chips, Billy."

Steve learned the hard way not to touch her just yet. The midwife explained that she would need them closer to delivery, but right now would be a good time to keep your distance. She smiled in a way that spoke of how many times she’d seen this.

The labor was long and hard. The nurse was right, by the end Max was clasping Billy's hand so hard he was gritting his teeth, while Steve rubbed circles over her back and felt entirely useless. Steve was guided to watch as the baby’s head emerged and for a startling minute Steve thought the midwife was going to pull it off, before the shoulders came through. 

It was all a rush after that.

"It's a girl." The midwife announced.

Steve could barely see for all the tears in his eyes, he reached out to grab Billy's hand as the midwife held the umbilical cord up and offered Billy the scissors to cut. Then the baby was passed into Max’s arms. Her hair was sweat soaked to her skin and she looked like she’d run two marathons but her smile was so wide it split her face.

Billy and Steve stood each side of Max as they hugged each other tight, laughing and crying at the rush of emotion.

Once the baby had been weighed and all the checks were done she was brought back to them. Billy took their little girl in his arms first, his shirt removed as he basked in the skin to skin contact. "You're the most beautiful girl in the world." Billy cooed.

Steve was going to cry again. Watching his husband with their baby was overwhelming and his heart couldn't get fuller.

The baby had a shock of red hair, her daddy's nose and Steve's lips. the perfect little mix of them all. When she opened her eyes they were a startling green.

“She looks just like you, shit bird.” Billy teased.

Steve nudged Billy in the side, taking their daughter into his arms, holding her against his bare chest. "I think Birdie works better," he said, turning her to face the others.

"After Aunty Max."

#harringrovemicrofic #harringrovemicrofic3 #Harringrove #Stranger things #pregnancy #fluff #steve harrington #Billy hargrove #max mayfield

[crepesuzette2023]

Hi, I was wondering if you have recs where Paul ignores and freezes John? Thanks a lot!

Thank you for asking, and sorry for being so late with my reply. I hope this is still useful to you.

This is a fascinating request. It made me realize that most fics I know focus on John freezing out Paul (with or without pining)—the reasons for that would probably be worth a separate post. So: challenging ask, thank u very much.

I also kept coming back to the way you worded it—ignores and freezes. That's highly specific, if you think about it! It includes an edge of pain and cold anger, or at the very least something unnatural: a decision to freeze, to numb, to refuse to see the other (Look At Me...).

It also feels final—or, at the very least, final-in-the-moment. How to separate this from fics in which they're broken up, not talking™, misunderstanding each other, are mad at each other (but only as a prelude to making up)...?

Does it also rule out fics in which they're not together, or fighting, or breaking-up-but-still-obsessed...never got together...?

As you can see, I might have been overthinking this, just a tad. :-) But here are some stories that, hopefully, fit your ask to varying degrees.

The wild and windy night (@zilabee) must have been one of the first J/P stories I read, and I guess I memory-wiped just how brutal (and damn good, because: true) it is. This is about mutual attempts at freezing and severing, and brace yourself: it's going to hurt. But it lands in a hopeful place. Cathartic. (Sorry, everyone, for never including it with any of my angst recs; I honestly must have decided to tuck this one away in a specially secured room reserved for the strongest stuff.)

How do you sleep (LouisWain1939) was the first fic I thought of reading your ask. If you want freezing cold, this is it. Prompt-fill for: Paul wanks to HDYS (optional: he phones John as he does it to make John listen). I love it.

you and i have memories (@midchelle). Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind AU. John is the first to opt for the removal of Paul memories, but Paul follows suit. Unfinished, but what a premise—and it's rendered so convincingly...! Treepanning+

open heart (@revollver): Vampire AU. Paul feels ashamed of how much he needs John, and refuses to open up to him. Hot and sensual and sad in exactly right proportions—with an unexpected dark and satisfying ending.

I'm gonna haunt you (sexysadie): 1968. An ice cold conversation between John and Paul in a pub.

Coast Starlight (bookofapril) The best canon divergence of all, in which Paul is happy with Robert Fraser (and, sometimes, Linda) in the 70's, and John is a slightly annoying shadow from the past. John is frozen out in absentia, in a wonderful Paul/Elton John conversation on Fire Island.

The Death of a bachelor (wavesof_joy): Modern AU. Paul gets married in Vegas...and it's too late to elope with John.

Here are two stories centered on the 1966-1967 "Paul refuses to trip with John" era — maybe a bit of a reach for the ask, but I'm thinking: John wants to get in, and Paul appears distant...baautiful, but not quite real...either way, these are both excellent, so enjoy: Sunday Driver (@boshemians; excellent Tara Browne cameo) and Chrysalis (cloudy_blue).

And finally, your ask made me think of two (three?) stories in which Paul freezes out John temporarily for trauma/pain/misunderstanding reasons: Brother Dearest (@javelinbk) and The Cast Iron Shore and its sequel, The Reeperbahn, by @m1ssunderstanding. In the first, John and Paul are stepbrothers as well as lovers. At first, they dislike each other, and later there is a heartbreaking break-up for your ignoring-each-other needs. The second is an AU in which Paul works as a 'rent boy' to support his abusive father, and starts a messy and intense relationship with John, leading them and their band from Liverpool to Hamburg. John and Paul love each other, but do they trust the other loves them back? No. Missunderstandings indeed—deeply painful in places—off the charts pining—and plenty of great Hamburg Beatles in action scenes...!

That's all I can think of for now—perhaps others can chime in with additional recs? (@whenyourbirdisbroken, @crumblingcookies? Tagging you because you have vast fic memories!)

I hope you will enjoy these, anon!

#asks #Paul freezes John out and ignores him fic recs #fic recs #mclennon #mclennon fic recs #mclennon fanfiction

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

There are otters in my swamp! That’s a first.

One day I was out taking photos of the irises that grow on the edge of the swamp, when I heard a couple critters making a huge fuss. These beasties were having quite the conversation as they swam along. They were swimming straight towards me, and when they saw me they stopped suddenly. They were clearly shocked to see a monster sitting there!

The otters did the natural thing, and dove under water. I would too.

I sat there scanning for them to surface, when I got my own shock.

There was the sound of the otters chattering away to each other, quite agitated and most likely talking about me. Thing was, they sounded so close I was now frantically trying to figure out what was going on. Where the heck were they?? They sounded so close they would have had to be right next to me!

Or under me!!!

So the otters have made their home underneath the irises, my favorite spot to watch the swamp!

It’s a good spot, sticking out into the swamp giving them the chance to have three exits in different directions. They also have multiple small holes they can peer out of like windows. I’ll hear an almost annoyed huff and look over to see a face sticking out of the ground with an “Are YOU still here?” (You can see that in one of the photos)

The otter family and I are getting quite used to each other. I go out an sit by the flowers a few minutes, they check me out, I try to take a pic without bugging them, and they go about their ottery business. It’s all rather peaceful.

There is one drawback though. The smell of beaver poop** can occasionally drown out the delicate smell of the flowers that I love so much. They WOULD use an area five feet away as their regular bathroom!

**It could be worse though. It’s a sort of spoiling seafood smell, sorta gutted fish and crab shells. It reminded me a bit of the smells around commercial fisherman I was around growing up (we had a fiberglassing business) and a bit like the time we went to the beach after a storm and collected stuff to take to show to classes at the school (our shop had a “nice” smell during that process!). Ah, the smells of my childhood are hardly like perfume are they???

#otters #river otters #photography #photographers on tumblr #original photography #wildlife #wildlife photography #animals #nature #nature photography #woods #my woods #swamp #my pics

[slasheru]

game dev/design tips you didn't ask for, at random:

don't start by designing your game around the engine; come up with/refine/design/test your core mechanics INDEPENDENT of an engine and then FIND AN ENGINE that suits your game's purpose! (aka the Reverse Dragon Age Inquisition)

Fun Fact: The devs of Mass Effect said that, roughly, even though there's an equal amount of Paragon/Renegade (aka "good"/"evil") content in ME, 90% of players just chose all the Paragon options every time. Take this shit to heart!! Design choices that go beyond "good" or "bad". Design choices that are interesting and would make an "all good" or "all bad" etc player actually HAVE to choose between more than one option that's VIABLE for the character they're roleplaying! Like, in BG3 terms, no "tiefling village vs goblin camp" choices. I wanna make you choose between keeping Lae'zel and Shadowheart in your party permanently. Don't be afraid to cut off content that players can't all access in one playthrough, but DO hint that the other content is ABLE TO BE ACCESSED if you make different choices!

Don't forget about sound design, especially UI/UX feedback. That shit makes or breaks an environment. Never QA test with your sound off, I can feel my old boss breathing down my neck RIGHT NOW

Organize your production pipeline, no matter how small of a project! I use Trello for producer shit and Jira for my bug list. Familiarizing yourself with how to properly log your own bugs by component and priority is key, especially with more than one team member! (I might actually make a QA megapost sometime ahdjks)

When you do something in the game that you wanna reward your player for (e.g.: selecting a dialogue choice that an NPC approves of! succeeding a skill check! new DM from your crush! you just looted 1 goblin bong! etc), remember to include JUICY FEEDBACK! This is a very unfortunate industry term wherein the JUICY refers to the actual crunchiness of the feedback: A textural response from the player that Feels Good. Like, Candy Crush has the juiciest feedback. Remember: Feedback should include UI/UX/a visual element, sound, be a clear result of a player action, and give a sense of WHAT you just accomplished at the correct SCALE (bigger bang feedback for, like, killing a world boss vs opening a lockpick chest). (You can Pavlov's Dog players into getting hype at repeated sounds by ensuring your feedback retains notes of the same sound or foley, or even just using the same sound fx across different progression points. Like layering in the same chimes with a level-up noise AND when you do something that gets you closer to leveling up, like earning XP)

When designing elements, remember: What does like LOOK like? What does this SOUND like? What does this DO to the world state of the game? What else does this AFFECT? Be cognizant of how stuff can chain affect the tone of the rest of your game!! QA often!!

Achieving a balance between HIDING all the numbers/systems/guts of your game vs having the player be aware of the systems and how they work can be a tightrope to walk! I personally err on the side of Hiding Too Much, but checking in with your testers or players to see if they can "feel" how the game works, or if it makes them get too minmaxy, can be super helpful! Remember to keep your design choices in line with your "x statement" (aka one-sentence directive about what you want YOUR game to be/feel like).

Save a fucking backup zip file of your dev environment RIGHT NOW and put in a separate place from your main PC. Like right the fuck now

#source: i have been doing this since 2008. someone put me in a Hole. #game dev #indie games #oh man this was fun. i am. supposed to be on vacation. take that vacation #I COULD TALK ABOUT THIS ALL DAY. hm. maybe i'll start a game dev blog?? #would it annoy you if I talked about this stuff on here?? #slasher u

[jade-len]

i think it'd be funny if someone transmigrated as xin mo. the goddamn evil sword. instead of taking it seriously, they just really fucked around with bingge. and, somehow, ended up having the opposite effect of what it's supposedly rumored to do.

picture this: bingge, on the quest for revenge and power, comes across the almighty xin mo. this demonic sword killed everyone that dared to even try wielding it. and, the few who were lucky enough to have it by their side, eventually succumbed to the swords' will.

it is said that the sword is unlike any other, that it etches into your head and eats away your brain, until eventually it consumes you whole. it whispers, speaking in lust, greed, and hatred. it slowly beckons the wielder into giving in to the worst part of themselves and feeds off of pure sin. but to him, it is no matter; luo bingge will surely tame it.

and then he gets to the sword.

demonic qi practically oozes from xin mo. the aura surrounding it makes every part of luo bingge scream, "run; get away, away from that monster." his gut prods at him, begging bingge that this is probably a really bad idea. it's a little terrifying, how even luo bingge, the determined, vengeful demon, is now getting second thoughts about wielding xin mo from just being in its presence alone.

but luo bingge is too, a monster. so he ignores the screams of plea; pushing every thought of doubt in the back of his head, and tightly grips onto the handle. the world around him seems to spin and shake, tumble and crack, from the amount of force bingge needs to use in order to pull the sword of sin out of its place.

when bingge finally has it perfectly fit into the palms of his calloused hands, he hears whispering. he knows that the sword has accepted him as its new host.

the sword's language crawls up to him, as if it were feeling around his body and mind. checking every nook and cranny for it to settle into bingge's form, truly becoming one with the embodiment of sin. the words flow through his brain like a tragically broken guqin, a melody that holds him in a frighteningly familiar trance - all while simultaneously eating away at his brain in the worst ways possible, akin to a child and their favorite snack. it seems to beckon something, but even with luo bingge's impressive hearing, he cannot make out any words from the tone-deaf musical notes xin mo sings.

and then, it is clear. the land around him settles, and everything is still. xin mo itself seems to be.. content. at least, that is what luo bingge believes.

the language of this wretched sword reflects the state around these two monsters.

luo bingge expects it to demand for bloodshed, for the erotic ecstasy of multiple women, for bingge to steal the last of the finest gems of these horrible, vast lands.

instead, he hears this:

"yoooo damn that shit was crazy. did you see what i did there? man, you know, it feels so fucking good to get out of the dirt. hey, do you know if people can like, feed their swords or something? i'm kinda craving something spicy. we never know, in this wack world! wait, don't hold me like that, buddy. it'll make things real awkward."

but luo bingge is determined to get his revenge, so he puts up with the swords' constant rambling about.. whatever the hell it's thinking.

"wait, dude, did you seriously fuck a dying girl? that's wild. yeah, like i know she was dying but it doesn't sound like you wanted it. yo, listen to me, consent is very sexy."

"HAHA hey, dude, sir, man. you wanna play some 'i spy'? we don't have anything else to do. no? too bad, we're playing it. i spy a loser who doesn't wanna play i spy. hint: he's holding me right now."

"okay i know i'm supposed to be this super evil sword and beg to be used - woah that sounded real wrong - but can you at least clean me when you're done killing shit? if you don't, i'm gonna refuse to respond to you and you'll look like a dumbass trying to wield me."

"i can't hear you lalalalalalala you're not being very it girl right now lallalalaalalalla-"

somehow, this is worse than if xin mo was actually eating away at his brain.

weirdly enough though, as luo bingge starts spending more time with this weird ass, seemingly possessed sword, it starts to become more of a.. comfort to have it by his side than pure annoyance. he finds himself responding to it more, like, actually having full on conversations with it. it puts him at ease, wielding xin mo. the hatred doesn't consume him, instead, it seems to soothe the burning rage (and, admittedly, just replace it with small irritation) that holds onto his darkened heart.

xin mo is actually quite kind and caring, for a sword that's supposed represent and be the literal embodiment of sin. sure, it is a hassle to have it cooperate with him sometimes, and it does just ramble on and on about the most random things ever, not giving a single shit if bingge was in the middle of sleeping with maidens and slaying those who get in his way. for the first time, bingge feels so comfortable around something.

it's.. odd. what was supposed to be the turning point in his life, a big step in his plan for revenge, is now something akin to an... acquaintance. not like mobei-jun, or any of the women he's come across, but an actual, dare he say, friend.

sometimes, he finds himself thinking all of this delusional. is this what people were driven mad by? perhaps they simply could not handle dealing with a talking sword. he understands that xin mo was undoubtedly unbearable to be around at the beginning of their alliance, but it has never actually beckoned for blood, power, and sex. if anything, it does the opposite.

maybe he's the delusional one. maybe this is xin mo's way of getting to him.

maybe, xin mo should be considered a thing. the thought feels terribly laughable, as if he were witnessing a person horribly explain themselves. it also makes his teeth grind together in pure agitation.

"hey, you know, you didn't deserve any of the things they did. it wasn't your fault, binghe. the fact that you're half heavenly demon doesn't make you a monster, or any of that wild stuff.. uh, i'm here for you, okay? i know you don't really like talking about all of this or opening up, but i just want you to know that you can.. talk about it. it's not like i can tell anyone else, anyways.

hey- shit i didn't mean to make you cry! wait, wait it's okay to cry! you need to let it out anyways, i promise it doesn't make you weak. there, there. i don't have any hands, so me patting you on the head with my handle will have to do. there, there.. everything will be alright, you'll be okay. i'll be here every step of the way, even if you want to get rid of me."

xin mo, the demonic sword, is more of a person - a good person - than anyone he'd ever come across.

...and then bingge and the xin mo transmigrator become besties or he falls for the damn sword. knowing him, he probably doesn't even know the difference between platonic and romantic attraction anyways. maybe bingge gets a plant body for xin mo using airplane's wack writing. idk i typed all of this down in one sitting.

(plot twist: it's not that the transmigrator xin mo had the opposite effect, it was literally just a placebo effect. luo bingge thought that, and thus it actually did help him lmao)

#PIDW but make xin mo a soul eater fan #why did i actually write all of this #idk it just sounded funny but then i kinda got sad at the end because bingge is such a lonely person its genuinely depressing #at least in here he has his this weird talking demonic sword #someone transmigrates into xin mo and ends up becoming an emotional support and comfort sword #i would say that this could be shen yuan but the xin mo transmigrator couldnt give any less of a fuck about bingges plans #and would also annoy sqq if he had to deal with it #might write this #but i need to finish that time travel bingge x reader enemies to friends to lovers thing #yes you heard me right a bingge x reader let me make him happy ok #bingmei already has sqq bingge needs someone :( and therapy but that doesnt exist here #while i thought of this i imagined like this floating talking sword by bingge #i actually have like a lot of WIPs this is only one of them #for some reason i had this idea after seeing this one instagram reel where gojo was cinderellas fairy godmother and sang IT girl #and that inspired an annoying talking xin mo transmigrator #luo binghe #luo bingge #mxtx svsss #svsss #fanfic stuff #the scum villain's self saving system #svsss ideas

[fanfic-gremlin-ft-trauma]

don’t know if anyone’s pointed this out before but if zukka actually got married then Katara would be Zuko’s sister in law. do you even understand how powerful that is ?? do you understand the sheer terror they would put in everyone because oh no oh spirits, there’s two of them and they’re siblings.

#atla #zukka #zuko x sokka #zuko & katara #like????? #there’s so much you can do here #first of all sokka would HATE IT and mildly be regretting his choices #bc now he gets double the teasing #And the general public is scared too #like those two fighting??? shitting my pants #also if we’re talking about Serious Stuff then like #Zuko never had a sister he could get along with #never had a sister he could tease and annoy but she’d still kill anyone for him #but now he has that #like do you SEE #anyway #I’ll shut up now but I needed to get this out of my brain

[panharmonium]

Hi! I love your Naruto thoughts and meta posts with all my heart and I want to ask your thoughts on something that has been on my mind literally since I was 13: what do you think about the relationship between Sasuke and Sakura? I went from being a hardcore shipper when I was a teenager, to being against any romantic relationship in Naruto after finishing the anime when I was in my early twenties. Nowadays I'm very into platonic love and depictions of friendship and I think the anime's obsession with forcing the "romantic interest" curse upon the main female character robbed us of... so much. There are a few wonderful moments in the anime where Sasuke and Sakura acknowledge each other, but because she's always "the girl with the crush", her actions are so often interpret as irrational or selfish by the fandom.

Hi @riemmetric!  It's great to talk to you again! Sorry it's taken me so long to answer this; RL has been making demands of me lately and it took me way longer to finish writing this up than I wanted it to (then again, I knew from the minute I read your original ask that my reply was going to get long, so I suppose I should have predicted a delay XD)

It's funny, my sister once asked me to choose between Sasuke or Sakura for an “unpopular opinion” meme, and I ended up doing Sasuke solely because I think the negative fandom opinions about Sakura are so unhinged and divorced from the actual text that I wouldn’t even know where to start.  People are entitled to dislike whatever characters they want, obviously, but there are some fandom takes that are, for me, so obviously rooted in bad faith viewings/readings that there’s no urge in me to discuss them.  That said, since you asked, I’m happy to go into my own thoughts on this a bit, with the disclaimer for other potential readers that I only write about fandom things for my own personal enjoyment, not as a contribution to The Discourse. If you don’t like Sakura, great!  I have no interest in changing your mind. Please consider this a sincere invitation to scroll on by and go enjoy whatever parts of the fandom appeal to you.

In general terms: I love Sasuke and Sakura’s relationship as much as I love all of the relationships in Team 7.  If we’re talking about them specifically as a romantic couple, then I probably fall somewhere in the middle of the spectrum, because I do like them together in a post-canon (to be clear: non-Boruto) setting, after time has passed and they’ve continued to develop individually and reconnect with each other, but I also wouldn’t exactly call myself an intense “shipper,” in the sense that I have no interest in pulling things out from the text and incorrectly citing them as evidence that Sasuke has hidden romantic feelings for her during the canon period. He cares about her in the canon period, just like he cares about Naruto and Kakashi.  That’s not up for interpretation; it’s the text.  But Sasuke during the canon time period does not demonstrate specifically romantic interest in anyone.  

[A note before people who might ship Sasuke with Someone Else emerge to rail against this statement - please just scroll past and continue enjoying fandom in whatever way is most fun for you. It is cool to ship whatever fanon thing you want; I think that’s great!  But earnestly citing any loving or emotional thing Sasuke does re: various characters in this story (yes, Sakura included) as indicative of specifically romantic love isn’t supported by the text. I know there are always going to be enormous subsets of any fandom who insist that it is, and I'm certainly not going to barge into anyone else's space to complain about that (because other people having fun together is harmless and none of my business), but I'm not obligated to indulge it on my own blog, either.]

Anyway, that said - the reason why I love Sakura and Sasuke’s relationship (from here on out I’ll use “relationship” in a general, non-romantic sense) is precisely because Sakura isn’t just “the girl with the crush.” Sakura has an arc when it comes to Sasuke, and its trajectory moves in the exact opposite direction of “irrational” or “selfish.”  She specifically goes from “the girl with the crush” to “the girl who steels herself and tries to put her personal feelings for Sasuke aside for the greater good” to “the girl who knows she can’t put her feelings aside, but who also knows full well that Sasuke doesn’t reciprocate them, and who still wants to save him regardless, because he matters to her as a person and a friend.”

[I'm putting the rest of this under a cut to save everyone's dash, and also to emphasize once again that this is a personal post on my personal blog which I wrote in response to a question from a personal acquaintance, the full content of which no one is obligated to read. I am not sending this post to random strangers and forcing them to look at it. I'm not even putting it in the character tags. I'm typing it up on my own blog and putting it under a cut. If you already know that you don't like Sakura, but you still click the link/read the post and then feel an urge to comment and complain, I am going to copy-paste this disclaimer and remind you that I specifically recommended that you scroll past and go have fun with fandom in your own way. Thanks in advance for responsibly curating your own fandom experience!]

So, from the top:

1. the girl with the crush

Sakura is, obviously, completely obsessed with Sasuke at the beginning of Part 1.  She’s also deeply clueless about him and his history (bizarre though it is, the story seems to indicate that she initially doesn’t know what happened with his family, the same way young!Obito is initially clueless about Kakashi’s father).  But what I like about Sakura and Sasuke’s Part 1 relationship is how this changes over time.

The critical scene that kicks this off happens right at the beginning of the manga, when she and Sasuke are talking by that bench - she complains about Naruto and blames his behavior on him being all alone/having no family to scold him; and even says she’s jealous that he doesn’t have parents to nag him all the time.  This obviously triggers an outburst from Sasuke, who tells her she has no idea what loneliness means and that she “makes him sick”/she’s “annoying” (importantly, the exact same thing Sakura said to Naruto in anger earlier that day), which in turn prompts Sakura to reassess herself and wonder whether she’s been making Naruto feel this terrible all the time, too:

From that point on, it’s a process of her putting little pieces together.  She still has a MAJOR crush, and she still acts like a twelve year-old, but as we approach the end of Part I, Sakura actually has a more accurate grasp on Sasuke’s current state of mind than Naruto does.  Naruto is initially excited to fight Sasuke on top of the hospital, because he feels like Sasuke’s finally acknowledging him, whereas Sakura is the one who immediately recognizes that something is wrong about this situation.  She is also the one who, after this fight, is concerned that Sasuke is really unwell and might do something drastic like run off in pursuit of the power Orochimaru promised him, but when she communicates this to Naruto, he assures her that this would NEVER happen:

(Sakura isn't convinced, though, because she goes to monitor the exit out of the village anyway.)

I’m not criticizing Naruto for his response here.  I ADORE hearing him say that Sasuke is too strong to need Orochimaru, with such perfect confidence - I love seeing how much respect and admiration he has for Sasuke underneath all their fighting, because that’s the whole reason he’s always baiting Sasuke and yelling at him and claiming “you're not so great!” He looks up to Sasuke; he wants to be like Sasuke; he thinks Sasuke is awesome! (It’s that Obito @ Kakashi behavior, you know?) But the fact remains that he is clueless about what’s actually going on with Sasuke in Part 1, and he remains clueless(ly optimistic) for a long time.  

(Eg, when he catches up to Sasuke during the retrieval arc and Sasuke climbs out of that cursed seal coffin, Naruto waves at him and calls "Come on, let's go!" as if Sasuke has been successfully rescued and is now going to come running home.  Even in Part II, when Naruto hears that Sasuke killed Orochimaru, he beams and immediately says, “So he must be on his way back to the Leaf Village!”  And everyone else in the room is like, “....,” because they know better.  Naruto doesn’t yet fully understand [or doesn't want to accept] the extent to which Sasuke has willingly chosen this path, and it’s not until after Jiraiya’s death/the Pain attack/the Five Kage Summit that Naruto really starts to understand Sasuke more clearly, which is something he himself admits.)

Sakura, in Part 1, has access to more information about Sasuke - she’s there for his first dissociative monologue during the bells test, she’s there for the curse mark’s placement, she’s there for his first violent transformation in the Forest of Death - she is, in fact, the unwitting catalyst for it (“Sakura…who did this to you?”), and her compassion is the reason Sasuke is later able to overcome the curse mark’s influence - so she has a more accurate/complete picture of “how he’s doing,” for lack of a better phrase, whereas Naruto, who doesn’t know about the curse mark in the first place, is still in the dark.  This means that Sakura is able to accurately discern that Sasuke is struggling more than Naruto realizes, and specifically to predict that he’s going to run away.  

(This dynamic is then interestingly flipped in the back half of Part II, since at any point after the Five Kage Summit, Sakura doesn’t have access to extremely relevant [if currently questionable and unproven] details that would in any other circumstance inform her behavior).

Of course, just because she has more info in Part 1 doesn’t mean she has some kind of miraculous insight into Sasuke’s every thought and feeling.  There are parts of her attempt to convince Sasuke to stay in the village that are as clueless as any of Naruto’s assumptions, and they showcase the kind of magical thinking common to childhood - like when she says that if he stayed with her, she could give him happiness, she’d do anything for him, even help him get his revenge - this idea that she herself can do something to make him feel better, that she can love him powerfully enough to defeat his pain - obviously none of that is rooted in realism.

Is this part of her approach irrational and immature and inadvertently self-centered?  Of course it is!  But it’s no more irrational and immature and inadvertently self-centered than Naruto’s stated plan to drag Sasuke back to the village even if he has to “break every bone in [his] body!” 

Hating on Sakura for her Part 1 attempt to convince Sasuke to stay in the village while simultaneously lauding Naruto for his feels like a bad faith misread of what is, to me, pretty clear narrative intention.  The story doesn’t at any point intend for us to see her begging him to stay as a selfish or conniving attempt to get something she wants.  She’s begging him to stay for the same underlying reason that Naruto is: she cares about him.  She thinks he’s making a mistake that will only cause him more pain in the end (she’s right) and she wants to make it so he feels less pain right now (she can’t.  But she doesn’t understand that/isn’t able to admit that, and she’s willing to try ANYTHING that might help).  

It’s critical that this farewell scene is set in front of that same bench from their first important confrontation - she references that day and how angry he got at her, and this time she tells him that she understands his reaction.  She’s learned things and she recognizes how insensitive she was being back then (“I know what happened to your clan, Sasuke”), even though she still can’t fully grasp all the complexities of the situation. She tells him that him blowing up at her back then helped her understand what loneliness actually meant (as opposed to her previous shallow understanding of it), and she challenges him about his choice right now: "So that's it, you're choosing the lonely path?" And when she tells him that she'll be very lonely if he leaves, we're immediately shown a panel of Sasuke thinking of both his friends, with the very clear implication that if he goes through with this, he will be lonely without them, too - that he's still struggling with the idea of leaving them, no matter how hard he tries to pretend:

Sakura at this point knows that Sasuke isn’t interested in her the way she is in him, but she still wants to give him happiness, however fantastical and immature her ideas sound to us (and, I’m sure, to him).  “I’ll do anything, even help you get your revenge/we'll have fun every day, and...and you'll be happy! I'll make sure of it!” - of course, it’s completely childish.  It’s irrational.  It’s ridiculous to think that any of this would ever be effective, but no more ridiculous than Naruto’s belief that he can simply break every bone in Sasuke’s body and keep him in the Leaf by force.

Both Naruto and Sakura are children who have a deeply oversimplified understanding of Sasuke’s situation.  They both still think they can fix him themselves.  They both think they can save him themselves.  They both think they can convince (or force) him to do what they want, what they think is in his best interests.  Both of them don’t yet understand that he has to want to come back, if it’s ever going to mean anything.  Their attempts to keep him in the village are immature and unrealistic, yes.  What they aren’t, however, is selfish, because neither Sakura nor Naruto are doing any of this with the intention of advancing their own interests.  They’re only thinking about Sasuke - how to keep Sasuke safe, how to make Sasuke happy - even when neither of them are taking an approach that will actually work.

Naruto and Sakura are children.  They’re afraid of losing somebody they care about.  Their attempts to prevent that from happening are desperate and messy and ultimately ineffective, but they are also genuinely felt and rooted in a true desire to rescue Sasuke from his pain, which - and this is the single most important thing that should impact our viewing of Part 1 - is something that Sasuke RECOGNIZES.  He doesn’t spend that agonizingly long moment bowed over Naruto’s defeated body so we can pretend he doesn’t understand that Naruto was just trying to help him.  He doesn’t take the time to murmur, “Sakura…thank you,” before laying her out carefully on a bench, just so we can discount it and pretend that he doesn’t recognize and appreciate her genuine intention to make things better for him, however clumsy that attempt might have been.

2. the greater good

If Stage 1 Sakura is "the girl with the crush," then Stage 2 Sakura is a progression to “the girl who decides to put her feelings for Sasuke aside in order to protect innocent people, including (but certainly not limited to) Naruto.”  She’s driven to this decision by interactions with Shikamaru, who all too recently had to grow up fast himself (“We're not kids anymore...we can't allow a war to break out between the Hidden Leaf and the Hidden Cloud because of Sasuke") and Sai, who risks his new friendship with Sakura and Team 7 in order to speak some hard truths and deliver one of my favorite lines in the whole story: “I don’t know what promise Naruto made to you, but it’s really no different than what was done to me.  It’s like a curse mark.”

(INCREDIBLE.  How can anybody be complaining about a season where Sai gets to say something that goes THIS HARD and Sakura LISTENS and takes DRAMATIC ACTION that actually propels the story forward in a meaningful way - )

[Okay, yeah, brief personal opinion interlude - it is just bonkers wild to me that there are people who complain about Sakura in the Five Kage Summit arc. That entire season is the greatest character arc she ever has.  Literally she has never been more interesting and dynamic than in Season 10; it’s the first time she ever gets to be as deep and fascinating as the boys; what is everybody so worked up about?  Oh, “she lied to Naruto that one time” - Sasuke joined infant-kidnapping baby-murdering human experimentation machine Orochimaru when he was twelve years old in order to (dare I say it????) selfishly pursue his personal goals and yet, somehow, we are still able to root for him.  He abandoned his friends/allies to imprisonment and death (Suigetsu and Jūgo) or outright stabbed them in the chest himself (Karin) in order to (SELFISHLY) get what he wanted, and yet, somehow, we are still able to love him, understand him, and be on his side.  Naruto is canonically not upset with Sakura about her lie after receiving context for the situation and I think we can probably take our cues from him without feeling the need to bring her up on war crimes; please calm down]

[Sorry, I just really love most of Season 10 and think it’s one of the best examples of how good this story can be when every single character gets to do something that matters (as opposed to things being all Naruto, all the time) so I get a little bit worked up over people complaining about some of the best writing Sakura ever gets.  I don’t understand what certain elements of fandom want from her. People complain about her being “useless” and not doing anything that contributes to the story, but then they complain just as much when she does finally get to act decisively and have just as complex/dynamic an inner world as the boys.  She’s “weak” for being unreasonably in love with Sasuke, but when she tries to be “strong” and put her love for him aside and eliminate him in order to protect Naruto and the rest of the world, she’s evil, because she should have been more understanding of his situation (despite the fact that she doesn’t KNOW anything about his situation).  But then when she can’t go through with killing him after all because she cares about him too much despite the things he’s done, she’s not "compassionate" or "kind" or "a good friend," she’s “weak” again. Nothing Sakura does in S10 is more wrongheaded or rash than any of the batshit, buckwild things Naruto and Sasuke have done in the past (and will continue to do in the future), but when Naruto and Sasuke have big feelings or take bold action, it makes them interesting characters, whereas Sakura can’t breathe in anyone’s direction without being minutely scrutinized for moral impurities.]  

Anyway. Back to a more measured response.  

Every single piece of development Sakura has with regard to Sasuke in this season satisfies me so much.  Her initial shock and disbelief at hearing that Sasuke had joined the Akatsuki?  Good, appropriate.  The fact that she starts to acknowledge the reality of what Sasuke’s done sooner than Naruto does?  Also extremely appropriate, very in-character for both of them.  Her taking Sai’s words to heart and deciding that the promise she asked Naruto to make when they were children is causing him to suffer and she has to relieve him of that burden?  Juicy!  AND thematically significant (promises!!!!  the burden that a promise places on a person, especially when it can't be kept - we've seen that before in this story and we'll see it again).  Her anguished pivot from wanting to protect Sasuke to realizing that she has a responsibility to protect the countless innocents who will die because of the war he’s trying to start?  HELLO THIS IS INCREDIBLE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT.  Her knocking out the classmates who agreed to help her so they don’t have to share in her burden (and so the only person Naruto will hate when it’s over is her)?  BRUH.  Her being so committed and focused on her goal of saving innocents and protecting Naruto (not just from being harmed by Sasuke/the Akatsuki, but by the possibility that Naruto will someday have to hurt Sasuke himself) that she tries to take everything on by herself and walks into a confrontation that she absolutely cannot win??  INCREDIBLE.  (Literally the first time I watched this, I said, “Finally!!!  It’s Sakura’s turn to go off the rails!”  I laughed with my sister about how Kakashi isn’t even mad, because Naruto and Sasuke have been pulling stunts like this for years and Sakura was way overdue for her own meltdown.)  And then, after Kakashi intervenes in the fight - Sakura barreling back into the battle when she realizes he’s going to take on the burden of killing Sasuke himself in order to spare her and Naruto the horror - “I can’t let Kakashi-sensei bear this burden!”  I love her for that.  

And then, of course, in the end - her not being able to do hurt Sasuke after all.  Despite committing herself to the act, despite forcing herself to put her feelings for him aside, despite resolving to stop him from starting a war and killing innocent people, she can’t harm him.  She cares about him too much.  This, too, is thematically significant - think about Itachi’s “you don’t have enough hatred” - she doesn’t have enough hatred to kill someone she cares about, even if it seems like he deserves it, even if would be the right thing to do to protect others.  She can’t do it, and Sasuke almost kills her for her compassion.  

I love the dynamic this sets up between her and Sasuke, for a few reasons:

1) Personally, I think Sasuke respects Sakura much more for trying to kill him than he would have if she’d just tried to talk him out of his behavior or beg him to come home (a la their original confrontation in Part 1).  This is the first significant interaction he’s had with Sakura in years, and the fact that she does something SO contrary to his memory of her is an important demonstration of the fact that she’s not the same girl she used to be.  Sasuke spends a lot of time after his defection declaring to his old team “I’ve changed; I’m not that person anymore,” but this is one of the moments where he’s forced to acknowledge that his teammates have changed, too.  Time didn’t just stop for them when he left.  While he was turning into someone new, so were they.  They grew up without him, and his old memories of them can’t encompass the whole picture of who they are now.  

(This is a little tangential, but in general, I love the spectrum of reactions that Naruto, Sakura, and Kakashi have in this sequence, and the way that all of them are ultimately messages Sasuke needs to hear.  Sasuke - who we know textually regrets what he did here, who apologizes to Sakura for it later - for “everything,” in fact - needs Naruto’s aggressively optimistic open-arms policy, yes, needs that potential, that unconditional possibility of return.  He also needs Sakura’s refusal to let him hurt her friends and start a war that will kill thousands of people, needs her surprisingly ruthless attempt to take him down; needs just as much her failure to do so, because it shows him that she still loves him too much to kill him even as she condemns him.  And he needs Kakashi’s grim line in the sand, needs someone who very possibly won't hesitate like Sakura (despite the horrifying personal cost), someone who will try to reach him but also won't let him escape and become the next generation’s Orochimaru, who won't let him cause untold suffering to untold numbers of people just because a teacher loved him too much to stop him when he had the chance. 

(And then even Kakashi chooses not to deliver a killing blow when he has the opportunity -)

(I know that in fandom people are more likely to be all, “oh, Naruto Good, everybody else Bad,” but I don’t think the narrative frames Sakura or Kakashi as “worse” than Naruto in any way.  The story goes out of its way to make it clear how desperately they don’t want to hurt Sasuke and how much they care about him.  And [this is just my interpretation, so obviously I won’t claim it as fact], I personally think that Sasuke - Sasuke, who, looking back, can see how lost he was then and how tortured he would have been if he’d gone through with many of his plans - would be grateful to Sakura and Kakashi for making an attempt to stop him when he couldn’t stop himself.)

2) On the other side of this, the fact that Sakura wasn’t able to deliver the killing blow means a lot. Sasuke was incapacitated under that bridge; he was completely at her mercy - but she stopped with the kunai an inch from his back.  She couldn’t kill him, even though she knew that he was completely willing to kill her (because he'd attempted to Chidori-assassinate her from behind just a few minutes ago).  That’s huge!  Sasuke is too out of his head right now to process this or understand it, but later, it's going to matter.  She stayed her hand.  She spared his life.  She loved him too much to hurt him, even when he’d given her every reason to take him down.  She hesitated, and he almost killed her for it, but her inability to strike him ultimately gave him yet another chance to come home, another chance to get better, another chance to have a life outside of his pain.  Despite everything, some part of her still hadn’t really given up on him, and that knowledge will matter later, when he’s finally able to acknowledge it.  

The point of all this is to say that I really have no complaints about Sakura and Sasuke’s dynamic in their S10 confrontation.  This season is the point where Sakura fully grows past her “girl with a crush” stage and into her “shinobi must make very harsh decisions” adulthood, but it never means that she doesn’t care about the person she’s trying to take down.  Her ultimate inability to deliver the killing blow remains a dangling lifeline for her relationship with Sasuke, an open door that Sasuke is able to walk through at the end of the story (literally, in fact, when Sakura opens that portal for him and saves him from Kaguya’s desert prison, and figuratively, too, when Sasuke apologizes to her).

3. she only wants to save you

The last stage in their relationship is what Sakura settles into during the war arc.  She started off Part 1 being just a girl with a crush, then tried to harden her heart and put her feelings for Sasuke aside in service of the greater good, but she was unable to actually follow through and kill him, and because of that, what she’s come to accept by the war arc is actually two things: that 1) Sasuke truly is willing to let her die if it furthers his goals, and 2) she wants to save him anyway.  

She has no intention of pursuing Sasuke romantically.  She knows full well that Sasuke isn’t interested in her.  She even knows that Sasuke isn’t really on their side (there’s a great scene where Sai questions Sakura about Sasuke’s return, and she reassures him that everything is fine, and Sai sadly thinks to himself “even I can tell your smile is fake”).  She’s well-aware that Sasuke didn’t try to help her when Madara stabbed her.  She’s well-aware that he left her to die in the lava pit.  She’s also well-aware that none of this is enough to make her stop loving him.  He doesn’t have to care about her - she still cares about him.  She still wants to help him.  She still wants to save him.

This is not hidden, hard-to-parse character development.  It’s explicitly articulated on the page:

Sakura’s not trying or wanting to make you hers!  She only wants to save you.

I’m not sure if people look at this last confrontation and unquestioningly take Sasuke at his word (as if we haven’t just read 71 volumes/watched 700 episodes showing us how how painfully distorted his thinking is), or if they stop reading/watching before the end of the scene, or if they don’t understand that Sasuke saying something doesn’t make that statement an accurate representation of reality.  The entire point of this scene is to show us how deeply mistaken Sasuke is about Sakura (and, by extension, the rest of Team 7).  He’s locked into a false pattern of thinking.  His single-minded focus on revenge and destruction has blinded him to the unconditional love his friends feel for him; he’s become so accustomed to using others and being used that he can’t understand or accept that someone would care about him without needing a reason, without needing him to love them back, without needing to receive something from him in exchange.

Sakura’s not trying or wanting to make you hers!  She only wants to save you.

Sasuke matters to Sakura as more than a love interest.  He always has.  She does love him romantically, yes, but she doesn’t only love him romantically, and her desire to help him is not and has never been contingent on him returning her feelings, romantically or otherwise.  Sasuke isn’t able to acknowledge that in this scene, but that doesn’t mean we’re supposed to just sit back and agree with his warped perspective.  Kakashi is the one who’s explicitly positioned as the voice of the narrative here.  We, as the audience, are supposed to recognize that Kakashi is the one telling us the truth.

[tangential thing 1: You don’t have to love Sakura's last plea to Sasuke here. It’s not my favorite, either - the best part, other than Kakashi’s speech at the end, is the moment after Kakashi collapses when Sakura’s expression changes from pained uncertainty to pure rage, when she grits her teeth together - when I first saw that, I almost leapt out of my seat like “Oh my god.  She’s finally going to let him have it.  It’s finally happening - ”  I wanted that so badly, and I still think it would have been a more effective writing choice for Sakura’s last words to lean more into her anger at the suffering Sasuke is causing all of them (himself included!) and less into yet another of Kishimoto’s “let me have Sakura articulate what a shame it is that she can’t do as much as Naruto despite the fact that I literally just went through a major reveal sequence in the war to show that she’s caught up to the boys; I can’t make up my mind about whether I want her to progress or not” - it’s extremely frustrating (and it's something he does at the very end of the S10 Team 7 reunion, too, which is the ONLY moment of S10 that falls flat for me).  But at the same time, even if there are ways this sequence could be more satisfying, it doesn’t change the fact that her plea to him is not remotely motivated by a desire to be with him romantically and not anything to condemn her for.]

[tangential thing 2: I do like how she remembers that moment when Sasuke says “Thank you.”  That panel precedes her saying “If there’s even a tiny corner of your heart that thinks about me…” (which I’m sure is one of the things that people like to criticize about this scene, aka “oh she’s sooooo self-centered” etc), but that particular line of dialogue is preceded by that particular flashback panel for a reason: Sakura knows that Sasuke DOES think about her.  He thinks about all of them.  Sakura remembers that “thank you,” and it reminds her that despite everything Sasuke has done and said since, despite all evidence to the contrary, she knows in her bones that his expression of gratitude back then was genuine.  He cared about her once.  He cared about all of them.  She’s trying to reach the part of him that still does, if it exists.]

[tangential thing 3: The fact that Kakashi says “she suffers from loving you,” and it triggers Sasuke to remember his own family - thinking about how much he suffered (and still suffers) from loving them - “Perhaps…those are the ties to a failed past” - the idea that it’s not worth it to have bonds if it means you suffer this much…that it’s too difficult, it’s too painful, and if Sakura and the rest of Team 7 were smarter they would just give it up (all Sasuke knows how to do now is sever potential bonds before they can hurt him; so why aren’t Sakura and the rest of his teammates doing that, why can’t they let it go, why are they making this so hard - ) << yeah, he clearly doesn't care about her/them at all.]

4. the shadow of my family

This has all been a really long way to answer the original question, but the short response to “What do you think about the relationship between Sasuke and Sakura?” is “I really care about it,” just like I really care about the relationship between Sasuke and Naruto, just like I really care about the relationship between Sasuke and Kakashi. And I don’t think the story ever asks me to choose between them.

I’m not sure whether it’s the impact of Boruto-era “canon” that gets in the way of other people approaching things this way (I don’t consider sequel material when I evaluate the original story), or if it’s Kishimoto’s frequent disinterest in/disrespect towards female characters, which yes, does sometimes make it harder, or if it's a shipping thing (bane of my existence), or some combination of factors, but for me, taking one member of Team 7 out of the equation hobbles the rest of the story.  I can’t read/watch Naruto while hating one of the protagonists and loving the other three.  It doesn’t work like that for me.  The story wasn’t written that way, and there’s nothing in the text that would cause me to receive it that way.

That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with disliking one of the main foursome (or any character, for that matter) - obviously we're all going to have different preferences, and everyone is free to enjoy or reject whatever parts of a story they want, or to like or dislike whatever characters they want. I know that some people have more fun disregarding canon and doing their own thing, which is fine.  My own personal zone of enjoyment comes from receiving the story as closely to how I think it was intended to be read as I can, and personally, when I look at this particular story, what I see is that all the members of Team 7 clearly demonstrate their love for Sasuke in ways that he himself later recognizes and acknowledges. All of them are driven by their desire to save him and their unwillingness to hurt him. All of them make repeated choices to chase after him when he runs away, to trust him when he hasn't exactly earned it, to give him another chance when he doesn't appear to deserve it. ALL of them, not just Naruto, do these things multiple times throughout the story, and Sasuke owes his life (and thus his eventual recovery) to ALL of them, many times over. Kakashi disobeys Hokage-elect Danzō and breaks the law to negotiate for Sasuke's life with a foreign head of state. Sakura and Kakashi both have opportunities to kill Sasuke in the Land of Iron, and they choose to spare him instead. Kakashi stops Sasuke from killing his only friends at two different points in the story, which would have been a mistake Sasuke couldn't have recovered from. Sasuke would have died in Kaguya's desert dimension if Sakura hadn't saved him (Sakura, who knew that Sasuke wasn't even truly on her side yet, who knew he'd abandoned her for dead multiple times already that day). Kaguya's bone bullet would have killed Sasuke too, if Kakashi, with his intention to die in Sasuke's place, hadn't leapt in front of it (Kakashi, who also knew that Sasuke wasn't fully on their side yet, who also knew that Sasuke had abandoned him for dead earlier that day). Sasuke and Naruto would have BOTH died in the Final Valley if Sakura and a severely injured Kakashi hadn't chased after them to heal their injuries.

Remove any one member of Team 7, and Sasuke never makes it home. Without the combined efforts of all three of his teammates, he doesn't survive.  That’s the way it should be, thematically, for a story whose first and most foundational premise was the importance of teamwork, and since Sakura was just as essential to that framework as everyone else, I’m just as invested in her relationship with Sasuke as I am in his relationship with everyone else.  You can’t remove one leg from a four-legged stool without damaging the integrity of the entire structure, and for me, discounting any single member of Team 7 irreparably damages the integrity of the entire story. 

TL;DR: I love all of the Team 7 relationships, including Sakura and Sasuke's, because despite what some segments of fandom seem to believe, the text of the story never gives me any reason not to.

#naruto #meta #replies #anyway that's that! hopefully that is a helpful answer #thank you for the question! i honestly don't think i would have ever gotten around to writing about this if i hadn't been directly asked #i love talking about the stories i enjoy (obviously; we all do; that's why we're here) #but i'm usually ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ about responding to takes that blatantly misread the narrative to justify hating a particular character or ship #mostly because a) it's whatever. as long as people mind their own business and leave me to enjoy myself they can do what they want #and b) some opinions are so divorced from the actual text that they're not worth discussing #like. what's the point of responding to random internet posts saying that sakura was selfishly pursuing sasuke as a lover the entire time #when that is textually and provably not the case? #if you're that committed to experiencing things in direct contradiction to what the narrative is asking of us then just go ahead #is it mildly annoying to me? sure. but so are lots of things and it's better to just let stuff go #like - i initially planned to take this piece of meta all the way up through sakura and sasuke's last scene together #the one where he tells her 'maybe next time' and finally reclaims and redefines itachi's forehead tap (INCREDIBLE. THIS SCENE.) #but ultimately i changed my mind because everything i wrote for that last section was coming out too harsh #i generally prefer to talk about fandom stuff in a chill/friendly approachable way #but i kept thinking about the most obscenely & disrespectfully inaccurate read of that scene i'd ever seen #and i couldn't figure out how to talk about it in a non-scathing way #that scene and the one where naruto gives sasuke's headband back are the ONLY well-written things about the finale of naruto #they are SO perfectly constructed and i can't respond to people slandering either one without feeling an urge to kill #so i just deleted it. partially because again - this is fandom; it's not that serious; people can do what they want #but also because i know i get extra frustrated about people picking over the text and plucking out isolated bits and pieces #to contort into blatantly misinterpreted mutant shapes that 'confirm' whatever pre-existing judgments or ships they had #instead of experiencing the story as a cohesive whole & keeping in mind the greater context of what it's always been trying to communicate #people on this website say 'we all interpret things differently :)' as if it means no one can ever be wrong about what a text is saying #newsflash: not all interpretations of a text are valid. things can't in fact mean whatever you want them to mean. #the ***story*** persists and exists even if the author is dead to you #if you choose to ignore that then that's fine; it's just fandom; who cares. but i'm not going to pretend you're 'analyzing' anything. #(ok now i'm really done. you can see why i deleted this section XD)

[buttercupshands]

mixing is in progress...

#sketch #my art #shigaraki tomura #flowey #wanderer #scaramouche #otto apocalypse #I won't tag fandoms themselves since this is a mess #but this mess really describes what is going on in my head for past couple of months #this is hyperfixation pile #I can talk without rest about those four or at least could when it comes to wanderer #there's simply not enough stuff to talk about #Otto or Luocha too #Flowey and Tomura on the other hand somehow make the simplest stuff seem interesting #like... idk how many times I've talked about ch 235-237 they're just... #anyway it's a month old sketch that I finished just now #and I actually revisited all of those stories at least a little #forgot to color the phone in Tomura's hands but it actually looks better uncolored #fanart #in my head if you try to mix Wanderer with Tomura the latter will just do the same thing he did with Overhaul #which is showing that he is way stronger still #or something like that #Flowey is just chilling and so does Otto #as long as one does't annoy the other they're all chilling #but running is still the best option since all of them are highly dangerous #and would probably make an awful team since 3 out of 4 think that they are the important one of the team #while Otto is the one doing all the stuff while watching them fight #he's literally the voice of reason here and it's REALLY bad if that's the case #he's a great teacher and mentor but his life choices are still questionable #still better than afo for Tomura but eerily similar

[lyxchen]

When you feel weird saying your favorite actors name out loud when talking to your parents or friends because it feels like it's going to reveal how deeply obsessed you actually are

#oh how often i have said to my parents #'it's a movie with that actor i like' #because i am afraid if i say 'david tennant' i will also add 'the prettiest most gorgeous funniest guy who is so lovely and if i met him i #would probably hyperventilate and i think about him probably too much because he's just an actor but also Look At Him!!' #you know #normal fangirl stuff #i have a theory that this is either some sort of weird ocd thing deep inside of me like how for a few months i was very afraid that people #could hear my thoughts and so i never allowed myself to think strange or very personal things with many people around #or this is because other people have made me feel like i can't talk about my interests because they're so intense that they find them #annoying #or it's because i don't want my parents to think i have a crush on him because i don't and also i'm gay so like no crush potential this is #completely different emotion which i can't explain especially not my parents so i'd rather they not find out how cool i think he is #but also they probaly know because they got me 10th doctor merch for christmas without me even asking for it and my mom also said that #she noticed that he's my favorite actor which is fine it's toatally fine i'm so cool about this #any so yeah anyways #didn't think i'd analize myself that much tonight but here we are #david tennant you have to honor of recieving the title of 'that one actor i like' which is much more important than it might sound #good night #lea's random thoughts