#worse than before. i think a lot of people are gonna leave bc of this new managers. its a stressful job by nature and he makes it muchw orse | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

crazyk-imagine · 1 year

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Time Stops When You Leave

Pairing: Jake “Hangman” Seresin x Civillian!eader Characters: Jake “Hangman” Seresin, Civillian!reader, Reader’s friends (Sammy, Danielle, and Cassie), Javy “Coyote” Machado, Robert “Bob” Floyd, Penny Benjamin, Tiny the bartender Warnings: Drinking, ditching friends for dick, ubering bc responsible adults, no drinking and driving, Jake’s got a crush on the reader, Javy may or may not have a crush on one of the reader’s friends, Bob isn’t a good liar but tried his best, drunk friends’ equal horny people, mama bear Penny mode activated Word Count: 1,977

**Don’t drink and drive kids

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You sigh, staring into your drink, using the straw to stir the ice around and around. So much for a fun night out with friends.

You partially blame yourself for thinking that they’d stay with you and not wonder off in search of a “overnight bed buddy”.

So, here you are, once again… sitting alone.

Sure, things could be worse but you’re alone in the most popular bar on the beach.

Oh, seems like you spoke too soon because another wave of people just entered the bar.

You debate on leaving now or waiting until all your friends are gone. You look around the room, seeing the crowd of people swarm every corner of the bar they could.

The bartender slash owner of the bar stands in front of you once more, staring at you with a pitiful look. “I know.”

“I didn’t say anything,” she starts.

“You didn’t have to. I’m pathetic.” You drop your head, hitting the bar top harder than you thought you would.

Javy looks up after taking his shot in their friendly game of pool only to find his friend staring off to the side. He furrows his brows staring in the same direction to see you basically slamming your head against the bar. “Something you want to tell me?”

Jake turns to face him. “Huh?”

“Someone catch your eye?”

“What?”

He scoffs, “no.”

“Wait- isn’t that the girl who comes by every Friday with her friends that wind up ditching her?”

“Why do you know so much about that?”

Javy purses his lips, scratching his head. “Hey, isn’t that your turn?”

“Yes, but don’t think you’re getting out of this easily.”

You whine, rubbing the sore spot of your forehead. “Reminder to self, don’t do that.”

“You, okay?”

“I’m fine.”

“Would it help if I got you another drink and a bag of ice for your forehead?”

You narrow your eyes at her, “no.”

“Okay,” she says, extending the word, “here’s your drink.”

“Thanks.”

“Are you sure you’re alright? Do you want me to call you sweetheart cab or an uber?”

You shake your head, “no, seriously. It’s okay. I’m gonna drink this last drink before I switch to water and then head home.”

“If, you’re sure. I’ve gotta-”

You nod, waving her off, “have fun doing your job. I’m gonna still be here, drinking the night away.” And you’re left alone again, great just… great. You pull out your phone and ditch the idea of checking your social media apps and go straight for the games folder, that manages to kill about forty minutes before you’re bored again.

Maybe going to the juke box is a good idea.

You push yourself off the stool, steadying yourself when you feel the blood rushing to your head after standing up too quickly. “Wow, major head rush,” you mumble to yourself, grabbing everything plus your water.

Now’s the time to decide what song to put on, maybe something a lot of the patrons hear would know because you noticed how the crowd mainly consists of younger people.

When did choosing a song become so hard?

“I would definitely steer clear of the newer songs.”

You freeze, not realizing someone had come to stand beside you. “Why is… that?” You mentally cringe at the pace you spoke, still not turning to face him.

“The people who come here prefer the classics.”

You turn to see a familiar face, you just- you can’t figure out why he’s familiar. “And who would that include? You perhaps?” Seems like those drinks are still working their way through you.

“Of course. Why else would I come over to talk to a pretty lady like yourself? I mean besides getting the chance to get to know the girl who’s ditched by her friends’ every time she comes in.”

“I want to ask how you know that but it’s obvious to anyone who’s here every Friday what happens.”

“Is it every Friday? You know, I- I never really noticed that.”

“You’re lying but it's okay.” You glance back down at the juke box and click on an oldie but a goodie like he had suggested, letting the familiar tune echo throughout the bar.

A smile tugging at the corner of his lips at the beat, it’s the same song your friends play whenever they get to the machine. Now he knows who the mastermind is behind the music, and he likes it. This just means he’s got to show you more and expand your music knowledge.

“So, you’re the reason your girls choose to play this one.”

You shake your head, “no.”

He chuckles, “and I don’t believe you. I think you get it into their heads that they need to play this any time they walk by.”

You scoff, “you’re rude besides when would I have the time to do that.”

He shrugs, “they’re your friends.”

“Brilliant, no kidding.”

He chuckles. “Looks like someone has an attitude. How many drinks have you had?”

“Just enough to let me relax for a minute before I go home.”

“Leaving so soon?” He asks, hoping he doesn’t sound like an idiot.

“Not until all of them have left. I can’t leave my friends here if they’re completely shit faced and can’t get themselves an uber.”

He nods, glancing down at his half drunken glass. “How much longer are you going to be here for then?”

You shrug, “I don’t know, not much longer I imagine.”

The conversation dies there.

One of your remaining friends waves you over.

“Sorry. My friend is calling me over.”

He moves out of the way, letting you pass by unable to watch you go, feeling like he’s already lost you... even though he never quite had you.

You stop in front of the table, taking note of how drunk, Sammy is. “You okay?”

“Oh,” she pouts. “I was waving to the cutie at the piano over there. Again,” she snickers.

You purse your lips.

“Hey, sorry it took me so long. I-” He stops talking, noticing your now here. “Oh- uh- well, your friend is here now. I guess- uh- I guess you do have a ride home now.” He lowers his head, staring at the floor while he adjusts his glasses.

Sammy takes a step forward, tripping over her foot, crashing into the polite and shy navy fellow. She giggles when she realizes that she’s in his arms. “Looks like I feel for you.”

He nervously chuckles.

“Oh,” she turns back to you, saying your name to “get your attention”. “You can go home now. Danielle has a date like right now and Cassie is on her way home to spend the rest of her night with her girlfriend, and I have Bobby boo,” she boops his nose. “To keep me company.”

“Are you sure you can handle her?” You ask him.

He nods, “I’ve had to carry the guy you were talking to, onto base while he babbled on about yo-” He stops realizing what he almost said. “Yosemite.” He blinks once, “we’re going now. I’ll make sure she texts you later.”

You watch as the two leave, knowing that the guy Sammy’s with is a good one and that he’ll still be over tomorrow morning, just like how he has been for the last few months they’ve had their little “arrangement”.

You shake your head, pulling out your phone to text the others that Sammy’s found her not official boyfriend.

Looks like it’s time to go home and not just because you’re the last one here.

You walk over towards the bar and pay for your bar tabs, thanking the gods above that they venmoed you a few days ago so you actually could pay the tabs without needing to go into your savings. “See you next Friday, Penny?”

“So, you do know my name.”

“After finally realizing that people were shouting Penny for some reason, yeah.”

“Are you sure you’re okay to go home?”

You nod, “yep. I’ve been drinking water for a while now and I’m gonna uber home.”

“So, you didn’t drive here?”

“Nope. We all ubered knowing we’d have a few drinks and wanted to be safe.”

“Good. You can wait here, and I’ll send one of the bartenders out with you since it's dark.”

“You got it, Peggy Sue.”

“You just learned my name.”

“And I’m giving you a new nickname in return.”

She shakes her head, moving over to the side, taking care of the other waiting patrons.

You don’t think much else about the pretty blond who chatted with you by the juke box as you wait till it’s time to leave.

You stand outside making small chitchat with the Tiny, learning how he has a little one on the way and decided to wait on finding out the sex of the babies.

“Oh my gosh. Twins?”

He nods, fighting the urge to smile but failing as the corner of his lips tug upwards. “Just found out a week ago. I still can’t believe it, but my wife says she had a “feeling” for the last few weeks.”

“That’s amazing. Do you have any names in mind?”

“We have a list for boys and girls but were still trying to limit it down to five each.”

“Okay. And how many do you have so far?”

“Too many to count.”

You chuckle. “Oh, it’s- uh- it’s okay. When the time comes, you’ll choose the right names.”

The door slams open and you two turn.

The blond from earlier pauses when he realizes you’re still here. “Tiny,” he nods once as a hello gesture. “I can- I can stay out here with her.”

The soon to be father narrows his eyes at the lieutenant and takes a step forward. “I’m gonna be right inside, barely ten feet from the door.”

“Yeah, yeah. You know me. I’m the person who tosses people out not the other way around.”

Tiny waves him off and heads back into the bar.

“What brought you out here?” He smiles, standing taller than he did stepping through the door.

“I’m glad you asked.” He reaches into his pocket, pulling out his phone. “Could I- I wanted to ask for your number before you left.”

“You ran out here just to get my number?”

“Uh,” he thinks back to the beginning of the night and where you two are now. “Yeah, that’s exactly what happened.”

“I’m gonna pretend that I’m giving you my number because I’ve had a few drinks and not just because I happen to like what I see.”

The corners of his lips tugs upwards, “I wouldn’t entirely be upset with that.”

“Good, now gimmie your phone so I can text me.”

He hands it over without any issues.

You quickly return the phone to him and just in time as a car’s headlights shine against the wall. “Looks like you ran out here just in time.”

“Guess, I did.” He walks you to the car, opening the door for you. “Text me when you get home, okay?”

You nod, feeling a little risky you wave him closer and kiss his cheek. “Prepare for my text, Bagman.”

The smile falls from his face. “Wait- you know about that?”

“I know more than you realize. Bye.”

He watches as the car drives away and wonders what else you may know.

As soon as you make it home, you quickly change your clothes and lay in bed.

You grab your phone and text him.

Cute Drunk

Made it home Sent Read 1:17am

Bagman

Good... you have enough energy for a call? Sent Read 1:18am

Cute Drunk calling...

“Hey.”

“I was joking about how much I know by the way.”

He sucks ai in through his teeth, “why do I not believe you?”

You scoff, “how dare you say such a thing.”

“Am I wrong?”

Next up: Part II

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running-with-the-feels · 3 months

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Angst !!!

I just want to write a piece where Bi han just yell at Hanzo full on scream at him for how much of his life he took from him

How Hanzo chose to leave his family to become a Shirai Ryu but Bi han has to loose his mother and sister and be groomed into a Lin kuei

How Bi han has to fight tooth and nail to get anywhere in his clan and how Hanzo has a comfortable life a wife and a child in his

How Bi han has one chance to get him and his brother out of all of this and Hanzo has the chance to get his family back but in his stupid vengeance he robbed both of them from getting a better life

How even though Hanzo himself made the deal with quan chi to become a revenant he was the one who got restored to life and treated like a hero while Bi han has to get every part of him that made him good stripped from his soul and treated worse than dirt from the people around him for the crime of having all of his autonomy stripped from him.

I want him to scream to yell to cry and to blame Hanzo because yeah Hanzo is the reason he lost so much of his life, so much of himself he is the reason Quan chi got bi han's soul and he is the reason for everything that happened to Bi han after that even if his crimes was only killing Bi han after being tricked by Quan Chi it's not like Hanzo ever apologized or try to make up for the crimes he committed against Bi han and I want Bi han to say all that to his face to make him feel the guilt for all that he robbed from him and from Kuai Liang.

Deep down I want him to know that he deserve it that his grief isn't an excuse for what he put Bi han and Kuai Liang through and I feel like except for you their aren't many who feel like he should carry the weight of his sins forever if he have to because the crimes he committed were too grave to be forgotten or left behind. Maybe someday the weight on his shoulders would lift up enough that he can walk without them weighing him down but until then I need him to walk everyday knowing he caused the exact hell he felt from his loss to the two people most undeserving of it

I don't know that I'd say Hanzo should have to suffer and feel guilty forever, but I do think that based on the characterization NRS gave us, he definitely should have a lot more guilt and remorse about it.

He should have been made to grovel, he should have broken down into tears, he should have been so consumed with guilt that he told Kuai Liang he wouldn't fight back if the cryomancer sought revenge.

He. Should. Have. Apologized.

And I don't think he ever would have stopped apologizing. I think the moment that Bi-Han came back, Hanzo should have made the same apology to him and, if his character had been kept consistent, told Bi-han that he wouldn't fight back either bc Kuai Liang's forgiveness doesn't mean Bi-Han will also forgive him

And Bi-Han is honestly the best person to point this out to him, but I think he'd hold back for Kuai Liang's sake until they got locked together for whatever reason. I'm gonna say they go on a mission together due to Kuai Liang being unavailable and get trapped somewhere.

But before all that, Bi-Han is just seething and seething. He can't look at Hanzo without being overcome by rage and wanting to throw up. He hates Hanzo more than anything bc while Hanzo didn't cause all his suffering, he's responsible for a lot of it, and what's even more unforgivable, he caused more suffering for Kuai Liang.

I think there's also a part of Bi-han that blames Hanzo for not saving them from the Lin Kuei. He knows that's unfair, but if the Shirai Ryu really broke away from the Lin Kuei to be better than their icy counterparts, and knew what the Lin Kuei did to children with powers (Smoke was kidnapped-ish as a child too so it's not just a cryomancer thing. Plus we don't know what Hydro's deal was) then the Shirai Ryu should have been trying to save them. Hanzo is the only living member of the old Shirai Ryu, so he's the only one left that Bi-Han can blame.

I bet Bi-Han tried to take Kuai Liang and run to the Shirai Ryu in the early days too, but failed. Either bc they got caught or were turned away.

Even without that though, Bi-Han has every right to be furios and just lose it on Hanzo for everything that he did.

And not just to Bi-Han and Kuai Liang either.

Hanzo served Quan Chi for years, he was loyal enough to be leant out to Shao Khan as an executioner. He killed a lot of people for both of them. He has made his pain everyone's problem for years and years, and at first, you can kind of understand it. He needs revenge and Quan Chi is his only shot, maybe he isn't able to disobey until their deal is done (we don't know the full extent of Quan Chi's meddling in Hanzo's resurrection. I'm not saying he did make Hanzo obey against his will, it's more narratively interesting to me if he didn't, but it is possible)

But afterwards? The Netherrealm war? That was all fully Hanzo's choice

How many families did he destroy then? How many wives and children did he murder? How many communities did he wipe from existence?

Look, I love Hanzo, and I do understand why he made the decisions he did. I think he deserves redemption for that and, based on the characterization for him we get, he would have worked for it. He would have apologized and moved heaven and earth to set things right. The fact that he didn't is fully just NRS and their shitty writing.

But Bi-Han just finally losing it and screaming at him until he's blue in the face would be so cathartic and I really wanna see that, so if you ever write it, please, I beg drop the link

Bi-Han deserved better, he and Kuai Liang both deserved an apology at the very least

#kuai liang #bi han #hanzo hasashi #mortal kombat 11

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caramelstarlight · 10 months

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Hi! I really like your works, I’ve just been too shy to send in anything. If your taking prayers right now, maybe a Tighnari x reader, where reader is Alhaitham’s sibling and can be described as the Akademiya’s “crazy lady” always coming up with insane/crazy theories and projects, will rant about topics that even leave the Sages scratching their heads, but still highly respected. People are really surprised when they learn that Tighnari and the reader are dating and Alhaitham's sibling. (sorry if it's a lot) I understand if your busy and not taking prayers at this time.

✅ /⭐️ Yeahh bestie I gotchu. Prayer is accepted!!

(Points to you for being a person who didn’t use anonymous xd! They can be so rare sometimes.)

Gonna make us Rtarawhist or whatever. Ngl I’m kinda in genshin as a character. Aka Layla. I used to have a mini Cryo vision and I like swords the best. My name is similar spelling to layla but has the same way of pronunciation.

Illuminating the Flora

(F reader/lil sis of Alhaitham x Tighnari)

(Characters: Tighnari, F Y/N, Alhaitham, Layla, Cyno, Nilou, Collei) (Hydro vision, Sword) (Healer / Attacker)

Sypnosis:Female reader who loves coming up with Theories that are beyond understandable to anyone else beside them(Al-Haitham excluded prob????) meets her partner. Fluff with fighting(Extroverted reader, they would be rambling on about their theories so they’d be social-?)

Story under cut! (Slight angst bc of fighting???) (Can be read as G/N if you ignore the Al Haitham calling you his sister.) (Keeping this in mind that it’s Rtawahist)

“Heyy Layla!” You said as you waved to her excitedly. Going towards the sleep-deprived woman. Holding a few pieces of paper as she saw you while near the fountain. (The one in her hangout where you meet!) She’d wave silently interested in what’s you come up with today. She and her other half found it interesting of what your brain could think of so quickly. It may not make a lot of sense to them but they see how happy you are so they don’t dare to ruin it.

“What’s you come up with this time Y/N?” She’s ask yawning in between her sentences. Having another all-nighter… placing herself on the fountains edge. Being careful to not get herself wet. You mimicked what she did before explaining what you had come up with.

“you see, if the stars and planets are made of dust, shouldn’t water in the space make them grow or dissolve? Especially the sun! It’s blazing hot! It’s worse than traveling to the desert sometimes.” You’d question yourself trying to come up with an answer as she laughed quietly. “I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t grow or dissolve. I don’t think they’d really be affected by the water.” A few talks with Layla seemed to help you with your theories and projects that you could do. Wondering if others could agree with your theories. You may be young but your mind is always head of your years. Same goes for Al-Haitham. maybe it runs in the family…

“I’ll be off Layla! Thanks for helping me sort my thoughts out.” You’d say. Waving goodbye as she went to her class. Your next class is about Zodiacs. What makes people them in a sort of way, it is believed that your birth month changes you slowly but helpful in the process.

Seeing him in the class brought you great joy. He was always early to his classes and you happen to share two classes. You took your seat as your gaze lingered on him for a bit of time. Before you turned your head away and back to the front. (Zodiacs and about plants like the Nilotpala lotus, such as why they only bloom at night or time sensitive ones.)

—After class— (idk what they learned ;-;)

“Tighnari!” You’d say as you catched up to him leaving the classroom. He stared at you with a smile before turning his head back towards his neutral view. You two turned into a different area. Seemingly no one was nearby. So they shouldn’t hear the conversations. (Someone’s gonna hear and it’s gonna be like Alhaitham)

He’d hold you gently, taking in your scent from your hair for a few moments as he wrapped his tail around you. “I heard you came up with another theory. I’d be keen on hearing it sometime before you forget it.” He’d joke, knowing you’d move from it quickly.

“Maybe later…? I just want to relax with the free-time we have today.” You’d tell him. Enjoying his warmth and presence. He lowered his ears and gazed at you lovingly. Silently telling you that he also wanted to do so. He gave you a little peck on the cheek as focused on you. Looking at what you had chosen to wear today.

A similar outfit to Layla but more adorned with jewels symbolizing wishes and more based on daylight. You always wore a different outfit with a new combo. It was refreshing to you and fun, it didn’t cost much as you had your brother getting what you wanted. (Dw you don’t buy much-)

You enjoyed the time silently as Tighnaris ears perked. Alerting the both of you, as he lowered an raised them. Hearing someone coming. But it was too late till they saw you both. It was your big brother, the scribe.

You both quickly departed from one another. Both blushing brightly as he looked with a slightly amused expression. “Al- al Haitham-?!” Tighnari stuttered, hoping he would keep a secret for him. You’d look away and towards a wall in embarrassment.

“You never told me you were dating. But I suppose my little sister always keeps her secrets hidden.” Al-Haitham said as he turned you around to not face the wall. “H-hey! I have my own life too y’know! You don’t need to be a know-it-all about me just because I’m your little sister!” You’d retaliate back to him. Not thinking about your choice of words. Whisper-shouting to him as Tighnari malfunctioned.

“Your siblings?!” He’d whisper shout at the both of you as you and him nodded. Realizing not many knew you were related and just thought you had the same last name but different families. (Like so many ppl can have the last name Takahashi bro- I have seen so many ppl with it)

“Oh you didn’t know-? I thought you did-?!” You’d say back at Tighnari. Hoping the whisper shouts wouldn’t gather your friends or strangers.

“No I didn’t!” He’d say as Tighnari held one of your hands. “Realizing it now I should’ve known sooner… same last name and age.” He’d sigh, lowering his ears and tail in dissapointment.

“Hey it’s okay! Not many people know…”’your state trying to cheer him up as Al-Haitham talked to him about being your boyfriend. He had trust in him that he would take care of you. Walking away from the area and onto the outside / entrance / threshold of the akademiya.

(After announcing your relationship with Tighnari and being siblings with Al-Haitham.)

People were gasping. It’s as if they struggled to breathe oxygen. Leaving many shocked and puzzled. None knew about your lover and brother.

Turns out Tighnari needed a few materials from the desert. So you went with him. Unknowingly, the news about your status of being Al-Haitham sister spreaded quicker than the reaction, a target now plagued into your back unknowingly. Tighnari flicked his ears, getting cautious as the fur on his tail bristled.

You noticed this quickly. He grabbed you suddenly, dragging you away from what seemed to be eremites. Dodging their arrows as you both hid behind some tall rocks. He’d shush you quickly as he heard them going closer. Grabbing your hand again. Leaving before they went to your spot. Using your hydro vision to make the sand wet in a different direction. The eremites followed it. You both successfully left.

or do you thought. Eremites came up from behind as they happened to have backup. Your eyes widened as Tighnari went in front of you. Getting stabbed into his stomach. Shielding you from the hit.

You’d shout at the eremites seeing what they did. Healing Tighnari quickly as he got up. Using his mine to confuse the eremites. You used it as a chance to bloom as he used his three quick charged shots. Healing him with your skill. Dodging attacks as they swung at you, hitting your arm as you got knocked to the ground. Dodging more attacks while kicking them away and up onto your feet using your burst while Tighnari used his. (For context, you summon stars to follow you and heal everyone while having increased crit dmg,rate,atk and healing. The stats have a big first impact like Kiraras but has a decent amount of damage after its first few hits. Skill is you harnessing hydro power like Candace and dealing healing/dmg.)

“There’s still more?!” You’d state as more kept coming towards the both of you. Keeping your health from hits up high. (Tighnaris still wounded, it’s not like in genshin where they get injuries and nothing happens beside hp bar.) A flash of lightning appeared with a wave. It was cyno and Nilou?!

“I was looking for these eremites.” Cyno stated as he charged forward. “I saw you both fighting and went to go get cyno!” Nilou said worriedly as she helped with the fight. Eventually the waves of eremites ended quickly. Seeing cyno was always a bad sight for those against him.

“Thank you cyno and nilou!” You’d say as you looked at them for a few moments hearing them speak as you tended to Tighnaris wounds carefully. Using your hydro power to heal him.

“You’re welcome Tighnari and Y/N.” They’d both stated as you checked on everyone’s injuries. They left as you took Tighnari back to Gandharva Ville.

“Heyy! Collei!” You’d say as you saw collei coming closer to the two of you. Worrying about the both of you as you headed with Tighnari to get himself patched up. When he woke up collei left you both alone with one another.

“I’m sorry narii! It’s my fault you got injuries if I just never announced it with you and kept it a secret for a little longer-MMH?!” You’d state as he kissed you. Preventing you from bad-mouthing yourself. He held you close as you stared at his blood-stained jacket on the side. Wrapping his tail around you comforting you efficiently.

“You did great. Don’t be a worrywart for me?”He’d ask you, looking at you with slight puppy eyes and adoration. His voice was soothing as you both sat in comfortable silence. You eventually fell asleep.

(ENDING 1)

He gently Carried you to the bed. Making sure to not wake you up as he gazed at you when he settled you down and went next to you. Wrapping his tail against you again as he put his chin above your head. Using his arms to bring you closer to him. You leaned into his touch and into his chest. He gazed at you and played with your hair for a few moments before falling asleep.

(ENDING 2)

He gazed at you sleeping in his arms. Staying in the hug position as he grabbed a nearby book and read it. Preparing and studying for tests. Knowing you’ll need his help later on with preparation. He gathered a few bits of info and left it on the side. Putting you on the couch as he left to go do work with collei before returning shortly.

(Kinda glad how this turned out ngl! This was fun imo as I like being super imaginative about certain things.)

(Hope you enjoyed!!)

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myfandomhalf · 6 months

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Season Finale

Sick and tired of reading about people say that Dazai knowing about the plan beforehand somehow takes away from the genuineness of the skk moments

You mean you WANT Dazai to choose to kill Chuuya for the greater good and then not give a shit immediately after?? Ignoring the speech for a second, the reason he was able to be so carefree after “killing” Chuuya is because he KNEW Chuuya was gonna be okay.

First of all, Dazai knowing Chuuya wasn’t gonna die doesn’t take away from his speech. He replayed all those memories for himself, nobody else was seeing what was happening in his head. He was GENUINELY upset at the idea of losing Chuuya and having to put Chuuya through that, DESPITE knowing Chuuya would be okay. He was STILL upset. That’s way better than him thinking he just killed Chuuya, sparing him a thought, not even crying (bc no that wasn’t a tear) and then just moving on being silly as if nothing happened.

And then the other speech him saying that they’re destined to - do you seriously think he’d just make that up for shits and giggles? He was being serious. If he was gonna play it up for Fyodor’s sake he would’ve said the most emotional out of pocket line to ever be written, which to them would be related to him leaving Chuuya behind. But no he just said they’re destined to do something.

Dazai talks a lot about the past to Chuuya (Chuuya does not participate) but those two are clearly emotionally constipated bc they never have a conversation about what they mean to each other (which I think is bc Asagiri is not ready to reveal that yet). This was clearly Dazai taking his opportunity to say what he REALLY thinks / feels forcing Chuuya to listen without the commitment. Bc if anyone gets the ick later he can use the convenient excuse of “oh I didn’t mean that” which is bullshit.

And I do think an element of this idea that it’s worse that Dazai had everything planned comes from the misunderstanding that Dazai has completely changed since he was in the port mafia. Dazai just tends to make “better” (as in more objectively good) choices, but he very much still puts on a front. You guys do realize that his silly persona is just that right? A persona? He’s literally being fake every time he’s silly. That’s not his real personality. He’s a morally gray character. He never became a purely good person and he never will. It makes MUCH more sense that he planned everything out with Chuuya beforehand.

He met up with Akutagawa before getting arrested, he probably did the same with Chuuya.

And yes, this means he DID use and manipulate Sigma the entire time. Why wouldn’t he? Sigma has an ability Dazai needed. I’m sure Dazai planned for sigma to not die bc in his role as a detective it’s part of his job to mitigate losses of innocent lives, he knows this, but also bc Dazai needs to know what sigma learned. I genuinely hope there isn’t anyone out there thinking Dazai wouldn’t manipulate sigma bc he cares about him? He just met him. He has no personal investment in him. But he WILL make sure sigma is alive bc of the aforementioned reasons.

#soukoku #skk #bsd skk #yes I did just make a new side blog to post this lol #I just read something and it made me angry so this probably sounds really aggressive 🥴#I swear I’m usually more chill #I also can’t explain how angry and heartbroken I was when I saw in the manga that Dazai didn’t care he just killed Chuuya #and started just messing around with sigma #I genuinely can’t fathom why you guys want that to have happened #I can look back at those scenes and breathe now knowing Dazai knew Chuuya was gonna be okay #I will probably be less angry if anyone replies in a few hours and will be able to have a civil discussion if anyone disagrees lol #tho pls be aware since this IS a side blog I can’t reply directly bc it forces me to reply with my main blog #and I don’t really want anyone to see my main blog #so I’ll have to reblog and then @ most likely #unless this has been fixed??#if I can reply with a sideblog pls lmk #also pls don’t be rude I’ll reply if you respectfully disagree that’s fine but not if you’re just gonna yell at me #I know a lot of this is probably a hot take #but I’m feeling brave what can I say

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missinconsistent · 3 months

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The Selen situation is so much worse than I could have ever expected. I'm just gonna rant...

I could understand if she had been difficult in the past with getting the permissions that led to her termination. But the absolute audacity to blame her for their bad reputation when she was considered one of the best and most well-respected talents under them is just a slap in the face. More than any talent, Selen has probably accomplished the most passionate and collaborative experiences NijiEN had to offer- her HoloNiji Apex tournament, Wrestlesanji, her birthday concert, Niji Express and Obsydia Crossing in VR, and the list goes on. A lot of the big projects she has done were out of her own wallet with little in return. The termination statement couldn't show any ounce of appreciation for any of the hard work she's done. Selen was even intending on just graduating quietly and leaving it at that, but Niji terminated her out of the blue so they could delete all her content in the blink of an eye.

Did they think they'd have the upper hand if they had Selen leave the company on THEIR terms instead of her own? Couldn't they have at least just said "she was terminated for breaching contract" instead of a 3-page document about what they didn't like about her? And what's more is that they imply that some of the other Nijisanji livers have been harassing Selen?? Why did they shoot themselves in the foot and lead angry fans to witch hunt other livers??? People are pointing fingers now because Nijisanji is throwing ALL of their livers under the bus, rather than taking any crumb of responsibility for the toxic work environment within THEIR company that all the livers just work under!!

All the other livers are gonna be attacked because Niji completely fed into "the clique" rumours. Millie has been bombarded with hate because she was the only liver to reply to Selen when her Last Cup of Coffee cover got taken down. Or fans don't wanna show support for niji whatsoever, even if they are fans of the livers. And it sucks bc I know most of them were in Japan a few months ago working on some big things. Noctyx has their Level Up series that they've all worked extremely hard for. Krisis and TTT are still building their audience, and any new wave after this is just royally screwed. And there's probably gonna be more damning graduations after this, when Pomu and Kyo's graduation already left a bad start to the new year.

Why the fuck did they have to announce the termination on Vanta's birthday. And during Kyo's last two weeks before his graduation. And after they still promoted voice packs and merchandise with Selen still included in them. Why did they announce a termination at all when Selen was working towards a mutual end with them. Just what the fuck. I'm so mad about all this.

#nijisanji en #vtuber #selen tatsuki

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leopardom · 4 months

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i thought i wouldn't end up making one of those sappy posts before the end of 2023 but here we are i guess

what i wanna say in advance is a huge thank you, and that i'm sorry

this year has been a nightmare for me and i can't stress that word enough. i won't get into details, if you follow me you may have seen some occassional rant posts. long story short though, i'm ending 2023 being mentally exhausted af and even though i'm not in my most optimistic mood, i hope 2024 will not as shitty as 2023

as of my tumblr presence, there have been some changes. i jumped from one fandom to another without completely leaving the bc fandom. i'm just not that much in the mood anymore. maybe this will change once the new album is out? we'll see 👀 and jumping to another fandom means that i lost contact with so many people from the bc fandom. i promise you i didn't do this on purpose and i don't hate or stopped liking any of you. it just... things got weird and a bit too much in my head and now idk how to keep contact without looking extremely weird in this fandom

anyway! entering another fandom has been weird not only in means of interests but also in means of communication. ever since i remember my tumblr activity in any fandom, i always tried to interact as much as possible with other accounts and talk with people, whether that was via posts or messages. in the jo fandom i feel like i have kinda failed that

i'm aware that i post a lot and i'm probably everywhere with the content updates and the gifs. and that may be annoying to some people. and i understand it, i don't like it but i understand it and i wanna apologise for being... all over the place yet not really reaching out to anyone in the fandom or building any kind of online friendship

idk if there's an accurate explanation for the way i feel about this so i'll put it in the best words possible: i wanna make jokes and have fun in here and exchange random messages or mentions in posts and talk shit or not about jo etc, but i feel like my social anxiety (both online and offline) has passed any limit i had put to it until now that i end up thinking it's actually wrong to interact with anyone in this fandom. because everyone has already connected with some people and have built a specific line of interests and you all seem so fucking cool for someone who is as insecure and scared to talk as me so i end up hiding behind my gifs, shitposts and content updates in hopes that people will like me or at least aknowledge i exist in this fandom. and again, that's all on me, there's no one to blame for this behaviour but me and my fucked up mind (which got even more fucked up in the past year). so idk, i feel like i wanna apologise for this, for being like that

however, no matter the anxiety, i must admit that the jo tumblr fandom was actually my escape when things in real life got bad bad. i've spent hours scrolling through the jo and kaarija hashtags in hopes of seeing something unhinged and funny to lift my mood and you know what? i found something every single time. and that was more than nice. if it wasn't for all of you being as funny and crazy (in a positive way) as you are, i'd feel even worse. but every time i open the jo hashtag there's someone posting a wholesome thing or saying something unhinged like how many ways has Kris listed to kill Bojan in his sleep lmao

anyway i ended up writing a lot, this could easily be an entry to the journal that i don't keep but maybe should start keeping. if you read until this point, congratulations for going through all this ramble and i'm sorry

hope 2024 is gonna be a lot different than 2023 but in a good way this time. and i hope i get better and actually get to interact more with all of you great people 💕 and obviously i hope you all have a fantastic year ahead of you 💖

#this is emma speaking #i'm sorry but i'll throw this in the hashtag #feel free to ignore #joker out

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acowardinmordor · 11 months

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I was thinking about how self destruction is a form of running away. So I was thinking about Eddie self destructing in the aftermath of something awful happening. Then I saw several things with rockstar eddie and paramedic steve. Then I thought about how to make it more painful.

And I'm just gonna go ahead and put it under a cut. Bc Ow. Warnings for injuries, drugs, alcohol, AIDS, and the like. idek if its good. just thinking about it.

Eddie's best friend Chrissy came with him when they left their small town, and they kept each other afloat until someone signs Eddie and he becomes a rising star. She's with him for the parties, the fights, the late nights. They're not together, but they've hooked up several times over the years. It's just how they are.

But its the late 80s and the early 90s, and they're both queer enough that AIDS is inescapable. They've gone to more funerals than someone that young should have to see. They've watched friends go to the doctor about a rash and come back with a death sentence.

So yeah, they party, they drink, they hook up with people, but they're both careful. No shared needles, always wearing condoms.

Except careful isn't enough.

It's through something impossible to predict. An injury. A car crash. Visiting a sick friend who can't stop coughing. Both of them are there, because they're almost always together. Both of them get the same exposure. But its just Chrissy that gets sick. gets tested. gets the news. HIV positive.

And Eddie won't run. He won't leave her alone. They've seen too many friends die alone. He won't run, but he will self destruct.

He starts to spiral on the fact that she got sick and he didn't. That he's always been less careful than her. That he's taken risks and woken up next to people he doesn't remember.

That between the two of them, Chrissy is the one who is good and kind and who deserves to have a long beautiful life. Eddie is, and has always been the fuck up. Worse. Everyone knows that this is the gay disease. Chrissy isn't straight, but she was a lot straighter before she became Eddie's friend. Didn't go to parties like this or drink like this.

So we have Eddie self destructing, he isn't trying to catch it. He's terrified of it. He's terrified every time he sees her. But he is taking stupider risks, and drinking more, and taking more and mixing more drugs.

There's a bad stretch. Eddie wakes up with strangers and track marks. Chrissy's family finds out and disown her. Eddie gets tested. Chrissy gets a bad cold. Eddie gets yet another negative test.

So after his next show - generating buzz as they start to talk about a tour next spring - Eddie spirals, gets shitfaced, blackout drunk, high on who-knows-what, and tries to fight some guys. It takes one shove for Eddie to be flat on his ass with blood on his face.

Paramedics get called.

Steve listens to this guy half incoherently begging for them to go help Chrissy instead. How Eddie deserves to die and she doesn't. That she's his best friend, that she's everything, that she-- They ask what he took and they ask if he has any medical conditions or illnesses they need to know about. Eddie goes hysterical, talking about how he should have it, but he doesn't, because Chrissy does instead.

They get him to a hospital for observation and a few stitches.

There's no reason for it to matter. Eddie is too out of it to remember the paramedic he sobbed on outside of a bar. Steve could go home after his shift and never think of him again. But something about it echoed with how he and Robin are. So, after a 12 hour shift, Steve goes to sit with Eddie - this gorgeous, broken hearted man who is cracking apart because he's helpless to save his friend.

That's it.

That's what I want as the set up of a story that starts with Steve being sent on a call to help a guy who is on the edge of overdosing. Then let it get into the guilt and the fear, and the need to help.

And because I'm feeling kind this evening: Chrissy lives. It's terrifying. Every cold and cough and injury feels a thousand times worse, but she's lucky. It never progresses to AIDS.

#fic idea #steddie #or it would be #because its about Eddie and Steve finding each other #and healing and whatnot #which means this is far too soft and uplifting for me to write #even if you do layer in the pain of guilt #and eddie needing to make bank to take care of chrissy #but that means being gone #knowing that she could get sick and die before he got back #ps letting chrissy live isn't cheating #I was thinking of Matt OGrady

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phyot · 1 year

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Who r u again? ♡32. we're over, fr this time

It was finally time to leave. Scaramouche picked you up and you two headed toward Aether's dorm.

"Let's get through the plan once more, when the movie ends and people start drinking, you'll pull me into the kitchen and tell me that you're breaking up with me."

"And then you'll go all mental and dramatically run out of the apartment. Yeah, name we got through this a million times, I know what I need to do. Don't worry."

"Okay, okay, you're right. Also here's the money." you handed him the envelope and he gladly accepted it. He then slid it into his backpack. You grabbed his hand and started smiling stupidly. Everything is ready.

°°°

He was already there. He was talking to some random girl. Well, not so random. It was the same girl from that gas station. So you were right, there was something between them. Your smile slowly faded. "What am I doing..." you whispered to yourself. This isn't right. Are you seriously trying to make a man jealous by dating another dude? Man, you're so pathetic. He won't care if he's not interested. Which btw he isn't.

You took a deep breath and brought that stupid smile back on your face as the movie started. Scara had his hand around your hips and your head was resting on his shoulder. It almost felt real. Almost. You kept glancing at xiao but he didn't notice. At least you thought so.

Xiao was sitting on the floor next to the sofa (bc the sofa was like too uh idk man there was no place left on it). The girl he was here with, Kai, returned from the kitchen with two glasses of cheap alcohol from the local grocery shop. She sat down next to him. She sat next to him really really close. They kept giggling about something and it was bothering you. Like a lot.

When the movie finally ended you were going insane. Why was that girl so touchy? He said that they were just friends. Please, please let it be true.

2:24 am. It happened. "Name I, I don't think this is working out, I think maybe we should you know, break up?" "What?" "Can you be reasonable at the moment like this? I need you to be serious right now.." "Kuni you can't do this to me, you're the only thing I have left and you're just gonna leave like that? Without a reason?" "Name, I'm sorry it's just, I can't be in a relationship and deal with schoolwork at the same time, please be understandable," "I can't believe this, I hate you." you pushed him away and wiped the forced tear off your cheek. You headed towards the doors, fake tears still forming. You side-eyed xiao who was looking straight at you. But his gaze was unusual. He was staring at you softly. Like he was sorry. Well, that was unfortunate, cus he had a whole girl next to him. She was wrapping her arms around his neck and slowly swinging in sync with the music. Her eyes focused on him. That should've been you not her.

That's it. You fucked up. He moved on. When you left Aether's building you broke down. Actual tears replaced the fake ones. You were wiping them away rapidly but you couldn't stop it. They completely ruined your makeup. Eyeliner ran down your cheeks and that feeling was back. The one when you two said goodbye at the airport.

You were standing at the bus station. It was late and the last bus should be coming in the span of the next few minutes. You were heading to that diner. The one where he took you for your first date. Before you realized you were already there. The same parking lot where he held your hand for the very first time. You didn't care anymore. You threw yourself on the hard concrete floor and cried. The alcohol you drank during the movie had a bit of an impact on you so the feelings hit harder than they normally would.

You closed your eyes. Memories running through your mind. Why did you do that? Why couldn't you wait for him? You're an awful person (at this point you looked worse than the author after she watched the notebook).

You suddenly heard a car engine stop ten meters away from you. Footsteps were now approaching you. A familiar voice spoke right next to you.

"My god, Name what happened to you?" you smiled with your eyes still shut "You know, life," "Did that breakup hurt that bad? Weren't you two together for only like two weeks?" "It's not that xiao," "Then what it is?" "I'm a terrible person," "No you aren't, what are you saying? You're the most wonderful person I've ever met," "you don't mean that," he was now lying next to you. He handed you the bottle of that cheap vodka from the party. It tasted so bad but you still drank it. It doesn't matter anymore

"You know xiao, I never stopped liking you, I made a lot of mistakes and I know I've been toxic and shit but bro I like you so bad I started dating Scara only to see if you'd care. But I guess I was too late," you wiped the new set of tears away "What?" "Oh don't act so clueless xiao you probably knew all along," "Name you're way too drunk for this conversation, come on I'll take you home," "But you handed me the alcohol? Bro, what's your problem? Why can't I stop crying?" "I thought you needed it you know as everyone does at some point because you just got out of a reltionship, I didn't know you'll start confessing all of the sudden..." "I know we have no future together, I just wanted you to know. You moved on, you have Kai now, and I respect that. I missed my chance. Bro I get it, okay I just wanted to tell you this. Can you take me home?" "Again, Kai is not my girlfriend," "Oh please," "We're having this conversation once you sober up name. Now get in the car I can't trust you to be alone," "Why do you care xiao, we have no future together," "who said anything about our future?" "You're too good for me and I should've accepted that in the very beginning you deserve someone so much better than me and you, I don't deserve you," "Name-" " Bro I wish I didn't do any of this. It's a bunch of bullshit. Why would you be jealous? You're too good anyway-" "shut up" "What I'm not shutting up what do you mean?!" he then pulled you closer and kissed you.

"I, what was that for?" he smiled and held your face: "you're so drunk you won't remember anything in the morning (why did this sound so creepy bro)"Okay but what if I want to remember it?" "We can talk about it once youre not this drunk"

•°•°•

previous | masterlist | next

a/n: TW extreme cringe 😘 ALSO I WROTE THIS EXTREMLY LATE (its unedited) SO IM REALLY SORRY FOR ANY SPELLING MISTAKES OR WHATEVER. listened to corrine while writing this, recomending it frfr

sumarry: i'm giving up

taglist is open!!

taglist: @mangobee @kazekonbini @cherbyti @minkoy @plinkuro @bubblyclouds @asmodeuswritesblog @lazy-sanns @lucid404 @sukunasrealgf @venus-is-incorrect @wonderland-fan @dainsleif-when-playable @pooonyo @milza123 @stanshizuki @scaranaris-lil-niko @cotton-eee @roguebox @shirmxie @layla240 @lez-zuha @zannivrs @sashiette @itsyourgirlria @skimm0nzz @dazaisfavgf @cocaine-milkshake-666 @blackrabb1t @cridtiins @c0nn0rv8 @r4yyyyy @elixirthe3rd @prakra @lunastarjay @casualwh0re @scaraapologist @succutie @vvyeislazzy @r0ttenhearts @kunikuzushi-mybbg @itztaki @sunsethw4 @lunavixia @clovers-anxiety

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manchasama · 1 year

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Not sure how long this is gonna be, my hand really hurts (and my back just kicking in lol thaaaaanks), just wanna get some thoughts out

Been recovering lately, defo feeling better but not there yet. Been so stressed and busy since, well, November really. But January and February defo took the cake. Work was brutal, but I was taking advantage of an opportunity before it vanished. In a better world, we would have started getting ready back in August when I first started asking (thinking that was late to start planning for the Feb event), but because of politics and all that guff we didn’t even get the go until late Dec/early Jan.

I am not going to get into the details, but rest assured I was working my batutty off. Then I got covid lol. While in another state. *throws hands up*

So yeah, it was about what I expected, with some minor differences. Took a full week off work (which sucked bc half those days were supposed to be vacation recovery days, not sick recovery days), worked from home for a week and a half, and finally went back into the office today (tested negative a few times and took a few extra days anyway, it was fine).

I just have this lingering cough that, guess what! Gets worse when I talk! *snickers* That week off where I just slept a lot, I didn’t have a cough. Minute I get back to work (remote but phone calls), suddenly I start coughing. Bah! So that leaves me pretty tired at the end of the day. Also my back is acting up because of all the sedentary laying around I’ve been doing, but that will work itself out as I get more active again. The biggest problem with today is for some reason my hand feels like it’s cramping up constantly, without actually cramping. owie :(

Anyway, before my hand gives up, I just wanted to get some thoughts out that weren’t just whining. I have been trying to keep my submas interest up (or any interest, let’s be real it’s hard for me to do anything extra when I’m so work tired) through the months, but leaving an avenue to revive the spark when I have the time and energy to work on it. Threw on my submas playlist on the way home, and yeah, I’ve definitely forgotten what songs go to what scenes/ideas other than vibes. Just need to do a few daydreaming sessions to pick some of it back up I think, plus go over my notes and all.

I’ve also been thinking I should just...post the raw ideas to Ao3. Started thinking it when I saw a post going around about how...historians? I forget what their job/passion was, but people who like to ready histories, understand why people liked the stories they saved, highlights and notes in the margins, the every day small loves that don’t make the big history books, that sort of thing. How those people were basically writing a love letter to people who save those little snippets, print out fanfics, things like that.

I think it was another post, might have been the same, that was also encouraging people to use Ao3 as the archive it is. It doesn’t have to be complete works. It’s there to archive the words, that’s all.

So yeah. As much as I want to and intend to try to write the full stories, I’m thinking of just transferring some of the tumblr posts/ideas, some of the snippets from my notes, into Ao3. Because I want to share the stories with people, and if I can’t write them in full, at least I can share the heart of the ideas. I still need to transfer old fics to Ao3 too, unfinished as they are. And I’m kinda hoping that new eyes and new interactions spark my interest again, get my brain going into story-mode again.

I’ve been trying to do some reblogging on my backlog of tumblr stuff. I know I could just hit the heart button. I know I could reblog without comment or tag. But I really like leaving people comments. It’s just another thing that takes a bit of energy, that I haven’t had too much of. But doing a bit at a time is good too!

My pain and energy levels have prevented me from doing much of anything for so long. I can’t say it will change much. I spend time with friends, which don’t get me wrong i love, but it eats into my free time, and more importantly my energy. I have a trip coming up in May, which yeah sounds so far away, but it will be upon me way faster than I expect. Who knows when I’ll have another flare-up (hand plz im almost done), or if work is going to drain me. But now that the hardest is behind me, I’m hoping to keep things reasonable and have a chance to be creative again.

I want to start my garden (made a few small moves toward that). I want to make more bracelets, and maybe sell some (character bracelets! seriously i love my submas bracelets, i wish i could take pictures that do the colors justice). I want to hang out with friends. I want to write. I want to write. I want to write my stories and share them so much. Just need to wrangle my brain together. Balance them to my energy. And not let my responsibilities pull my mood down or stress me out too much (guh just thinking about some of them make me so tired buuuuh).

Okay hand is too ow now. If you made it this far, feel free to let me know what you think about posting the ideas to Ao3, even if I later post a full story about them. Or anything really. Gotta get my brain juices flowing again!

#personal opinions ahead #whine whine whine #but only partially #there's more but for now my hand is giving up lol #want to start having energy and me time again so i can play in fandom #and so i shall

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fearofahumanplanet · 1 year

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I am. So, so, so done with everything.

My mental health is plunging downwards by the day, and there's genuinely nothing I can do about it.

I can't work, because even if I managed to get a job, I'd end up dissociating or antisocial behavior-ing my way right out of it. I've had a lot of jobs in my life, and I never last longer than a year (usually only a few months) before going totally haywire. There is no one I could even use for a reference who wouldn't point out they fired me for being a shit worker, so the likelihood of me getting a job is basically none to begin with.

I was hoping to rectify this with my writing, at least put my eight years of fucking around and finding out to good use, but then I got rejected by every horror agent on the face of the planet and realized I'm utterly worthless at that too. I'm never gonna make a living off of anything, I'm realizing this.

On top of all that, I'm intensely agoraphobic and can't leave my apartment without wanting to curl up and cry. Talking to people I don't know genuinely makes me want to hurt myself. So I'm too pathetic to even be homeless, and the only reason I'm not is bc my partner and my abusive fucking ex are willing to have me here.

Which would be great, but I have to take the verbal abuse from my ex and hear her defend my other ex who gaslit me and then intentionally got me arrested all the time. I have chronic pain and fatigue, but I'm cleaning up after three people alone all the time bc shitty ex is a lazy, selfish bitch. My partner is either working or sleeping all the time, and when they're not, they're always having some emotional crisis - I don't blame them for this, but I'm reaching a mental limit at this point.

My chronic pain is also getting worse, I think. So much more pain this month, and I can't wonder if I'm making it worse. I can't actually bring up any of this with anyone, really, because I'm just "leeching off other people" or I'm manipulative for existing, apparently. It's a coin flip. I don't really have any support, but so many of my friends and partners are leaning on me with whatever drama, all the time.

I can't even get any professional help with my mental or physical health, either, even as I feel I'm getting worse. I can't afford it. Can't get health insurance. I can't even get my hormones, so I get to have my dysphoria on top of the pile.

It is becoming clear to me that this is going to be the rest of my life at its best, homelessness being its worst, and I'm not a good enough person to die young.

Why is it that only the good die young, anyway?

#vent #tw sui ideation #bpd #actually bpd #actually borderline #npd #actually npd #actually narcissistic #aspd #actually aspd #actually antisocial

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gentlenotes-moved · 2 months

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So glad to hear that you finally have answers! I'm sure it's gonna make everything at least a bit easier to deal with! I hope that whichever plan of action your doctors now decide to take works quickly and without any problems for you. Beautiful souls like yours don't deserve to be in agony 😓😣

And don't you even dare feel guilty for not coming on Tumblr much now. Your health, physical and mental, is the most important thing!!!

(Me? I've been... existing 😅)

(also, I didn't realise we were mutuals until like a minute ago lol)

first of all, so sorry for the late response! and even if you are just existing, i hope that this existence is treating you gently and lovingly 💗 (and yeah! we're moots now yay!! <3)

but yeah, a definitive answer is really nice. a few days ago they actually sent in a letter saying: "visceral hypersensitivity/overactive nerves sending inappropriate signals to the brain. There is actually no acid reflux." he said it's best treated with low dosages of antidepressants. he also recommended me to get testing done for gastroparesis, and if that comes back "unremarkable", we'll focus treatments on functional dyspepsia.

i have noticed lately that i have had really bad brain fog, esp since this has all started. i've been having a really hard time concentrating, almost constantly fatigued, zone out a fuck ton more than i usually do, and am asking people to repeat themselves quite literally every time they speak, because it all sounds like absolute gibberish. also, (tmi warning), in the past 4 months, i have only had one (1) period that lasted one (1) day. one day. it wasn't even a heavy flow either. my last regular period was when the day this whole situation started, in late november. and i'm currently exactly 3 weeks late for one. like i get the cramps and everything that you get with a period, except the blood.

so... i think this whole brain and nerve thing is going a LOT deeper than just my dyspepsia like systems. i haven't brought any of this up to my doctor, but the next time i see her, i'm gonna. but i have no damn clue what i'm gonna do at this point tbh. (personal/family rant incoming)

my dad is one of those extremely die-hard conservative trumpers, and a MASSIVE conspiracy theorist (just search up qanon; it'll explain everything i'm about to tell you). he was extremely against me getting the endoscopy, saying that my mom and i didn't mention me getting anesthesia (i did mention multiple times throughout the week before I got it done bc he was so damn worried), and him and my mom fought the morning I got the endoscopy done, just before we left.

when we got back, it was absolute hell for about a week, for my mom and i both. he told me that we betrayed him and that someone 'gave me permission' to not follow his instruction (I am 18 when he tells me this btw). then he said that if my mom and i ever question his rules or instruction again, he'll leave us or, worse, [a threat that i don't feel comfortable sharing here] for a week, he accused me of working for my mom's past sexual abuser, and of things i also don't feel comfortable sharing here. and then a week later, everything is perfectly fine. just like that. i'm used to extremely sudden mood and emotion changes in this family; i've been dealing with it for about a decade now (verbal abuse followed by lots of affection through words and gifts over and over). but this isn't my problem at the moment.

throughout the week, i also told him that i considered surgery for my gerd. he then proceeded to tell me that if i even considered doing that, or whatever the doctors say, i'm a retard, and that i clearly don't need him anymore (bc im not following his instruction) and he'll just leave us. and that we don't need him, we just have to "say the words" and he'll be out. so.

when we got this letter, he kept on saying how dumb and uneducated my doctors are (my dad's a high school drop out btw). i don't exactly remember what he said, but it was something to the effect of me needing to drink more water and eat healthier food, but I told him that's what we started with when i found out I had gerd and IBS 5 years ago, and it did nothing. he stood there, silent, for a solid 10 seconds before saying "......you know antidepressants can change your change you and fuck you up forever, right?". and at that point i just kind of gave up.

also my mom was attempting to explain the letter to my dad in the car ride home from picking her up from work, but she said he kept yelling and interrupting her, and just not listening to any explanationa she had to give; i wasn't there for that part.

but in conclusion: i know i'm 18 and can make my own decisions. i know he can't legally stop me from anything now. but for some stupid, insanely stupid reason, i just subconsciously hold my dad's validation more important than my lifelong health.

i even told my mom about all of this, that i'm stuck between my dad's acceptance and my lifelong health, but i also can't seem to say anything either way that will make him happy. And she just said "we'll you're fucked (with making my dad happy), either way, right? why don't you pick the one that comes with you being healthy?" and that actually straightened it out a bit for me.

but like. i still feel IMMENSE guilt whenever i do something that displeases or angers him even in the slightest. i don't know why im hanging my entire self worth one person, him, and i know just how fucked up it is. but it's like i can't stop. i just... i don't know. the situation just seems to be 'do i take care of myself, and him be angered towards me/leave me, or do i neglect my better judgement for the acceptance of my father?'

so that's what i'm currently dealing with at the moment lmfao. thank you so, so much for the ask, and i'm sorry the response was a college final essay. i sincerely hope with all my heart that today/tonight treats you well. 💞

#mine #personal #asks 💌#girl that writes #did i mention that my dad's side the family has a deeply embedded history of paranoia #and multiple different mental illnesses and personality disorders lol

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petitprincess1 · 11 months

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do you think that MAYBE you just don't LIKE Villainos? and that perhaps you don't need to dig for small potatoes to rationalize your hatred for the show? especially when helluva boss is just as bad, if not worse than Villainos in the examples you presented? that maaaybe the things you dislike are not inherently evil? you don't need to bullshit a reason as to why you think something is "problematic", you are allowed to just not like something.

I do like Villainous, believe it or not. I don't like Alan Ituriel. In short, there were animators in 2019 that called out Alan for a toxic work environment and being paid way less than normal. When this was brought up, Alan didn't even respond. It was Amí and she pretended like she didn't know them, even though a lot of the employees were working there since the beginning. The animators were also going to go through with an interview. Unfortunately, they could get blacklisted for speaking against their boss. So, it just faded.

Also, after the first half of S1 premiered for Villainous. One of the former animators simply wanted credit for Heed's design bc she helped with it before she left. Not even asking for money, just credit. And the new employees ganged up on her and showing their work, which suspiciously looked closer to final designs than concept art. The former animator was not able to show proof bc the ex-employees didn't even have their contracts at that time.

Thankfully, some of the former animators ended up leaving Ai and going to work for Vivzie. And they still work with her to this day.

I have proof, if you don't believe me:

I know this isn't gonna change anyone's heart or whatever. I'm not trying to. I used to be a HUGE fan of Villainous until about early late 2019-early 2020. I just felt uncomfortable supporting Alan. The show is a show. I can't be mad at it for that, but I can point out the problems.

And before anyone says "this is old", if people are allowed to bring up decade-old drama for Viv...I think I'm allowed to bring up 4 or 2 year old drama for Alan.

#villainous #villanos #long post #unpopular opinion #alan ituriel #vivziepop #ask answered #ok 2 rb

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sunlightandsuffering · 10 months

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A while ago you said you had a fwb somewhat angsty au in mind. Can you please share us a little bit about it? I'm so curious

oh my god lol, I have been talking about my friends with benefits AU since the dawn of time tbh 😂 I started it SOOO long ago, i'm sure i've posted it before but Ill post the snippet again for u lol. But basically I wanted childhood friends to lovers friends with benefits where Mikasa is a super rich girl, and Eren is her bestie, been together forever, off and on a lot bc Mikasa's family doesn't really approve. She goes to balls and big galas a lot and they want her to marry someone of similar status and altho Eren is a great guy, he's probably in trades or something, or just in school rn, not a lawyer or a doctor, or some super rich billionaire they have in mind. So they have like the same recurring fight and it's painful as fuck but this time Eren is kind of the simp can u believe??? LOL! And he's basically been chasing her forever! and he's not so sure he can handle the heartbreak anymore 🥲 i'm laughing tho bc i just reread all of it, and wow I made it so much more painful than i thought lol!

They’re laying together watching some romantic comedy that Mikasa chose, and she’s draped across him like his own personal blanket, wearing little to nothing as usual. His hands clamped around the curve of her waist, stroking up her sides, teasing her lightly. He knows how to work her up and when the movie changes to a love scene, he observes the first signs of her wanting him. She starts to squirm on top of him and buries her head further into his shoulder ignoring the movie entirely as the actors on screen start to go at it and Mikasa takes the opportunity to begin grinding on him. If they were wearing less clothes he could slip inside easily right now, and it would be bliss. Mikasa says exactly what he’s thinking, “Take your pants off?”

Neither waste much time and his sweats are pulled down just enough to release his throbbing cock and Mikasa slips her panties to the side before positioning her pussy over his dick and they both let out sighs of pleasure as he slides in. “Fuck.”

They don’t move much, content just to be connected and Mikasa lets out a soft little moan, “God it’s been a while.” “Who’s fault is that? I told you that fuckwad wasn’t worth your time.”

There’s an edge to his voice as he speaks and he hates it, but it’s hard to control when he considers her getting with someone else. She moans a little as she slowly begins to rock herself on him, “I just- I thought I’d give it a try—fuck.” She murmurs to herself as she rocks back farther and he bottoms out, his tip kissing her cervix and she bites the muscle of his shoulder, her eyes closing at the pleasure.

His own hands move to the plush cheeks of her ass to knead and spread them more as he helps her fuck herself on his dick.

“And what’s the verdict Miki?” “I’m not gonna try again, I’ve got you.”

A stab of pain cuts through the pleasure at her words, straight to his heart like pins and needles. His next question is cutting, savage, “Did you fuck him?” “Yeah, ate me out too, couldn’t make me come.”

This ignites the burning fire of jealousy and rage, and he doubles his efforts. “You’re not gonna do it again right? This is my pussy.” He slams into her roughly and she chokes on her next sentence. “Yeah, -ngh—Fuck Eren.” He grins as he begins to guide her movements more harshly and thrusts himself up inside her as far as he can from his position.

He tries not to think about how many times they’ve made this exact promise, and just how many times they’ve broken it. But fuck she feels good, her walls clenching around him every time he tries to pull out, tight and refusing to allow him to leave.

Sure, they fuck around with other people occasionally when they’re both pissed off like last week but for better or for worse, he’s the one she always comes back to, and it pleases him in a twisted way.

He’s the only one.

Except when he’s not.

Except when she’s out at a gala or a charity benefit with her family getting fucked in the bathroom by some douche canoe with more money than he knows what to do with. It doesn’t matter that he’s the one with her right now, carving out his place inside her, a hole no one else can fill, he’s reminded brutally that he has no permanent claim to her. They’re not dating, not married, engaged, nothing, they’re strictly friends with benefits.

It’s been years since they’ve started this arrangement and its never changed, no matter how much he wants it to or how many times she stabs the knife into his heart.

His pretty girl tucks a lock of hair behind her ear as she sits up, removing herself from his chest and holding herself over him instead, onyx eyes staring down his face before she goes in for a searing kiss as she spears herself on him again. God had he missed this when they were fighting. His tongue slides past her lips to tangle with hers before he takes her full bottom lip between his teeth, biting gently.

His thrusting slows a bit and Mikasa lets out a whine into his mouth, but he wants to enjoy this, it’s been too long, and he wants to drag it out for as long as possible.

“Eren!” She whines impatiently, pulling away from his lips and he grins up at her, hands still holding her waist and gently rocking her back and forth. “Let me enjoy this baby it’s been weeks.” “Fine but only if you tie me to the headboard after.” “You got it Miki.”

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thehighpriestess1 · 11 months

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ESSAY ALERT: I’ve been doing some thinking about August (as usual) trying to predict how things would end, either happy or sad and wanted to share it with you!

I was wondering if Gojo had any memories of his mother. Jerry only mentions his dad and how horrible he was to him growing up so I’m assuming she was probably never in the picture. Y/N realizes that Gojo gives Keisuke his everything when he never had that for himself. I’m sure Jerry (I’d kill for him, he’s so sweet) was the closest thing he did end up having as a father, but the damage was already done. I mentioned Gojo’s mom because, Gojo has also probably never seen a happy marriage either growing up. He doesn’t know what a healthy relationship looks like so he’s constantly second guessing everything the moment something goes wrong. I love August Gojo to pieces but he’s done so much to Y/N, if this was my friend I’d tell her to RUN 😭 Gojo understands and is trying to show Y/N that things will be different but even during his inner monologues he knows that he’ll never truly be able to let her go.

TW: s*icide - I remember you said a while back in a message that, you actually had Gojo taking his life because Y/N ultimately decided to leave him during a previous draft. I’ve been trying to think of what would happen if something ends up happening to Y/N, either Yuri ends up hurting her bc I 100% believe she’s capable or doing whatever it takes to have Gojo, or maybe Y/N decides she actually can’t look past everything and she really does want to separate from Gojo. Would he let her go? Will he live the rest of his life trying to win her back? Will he be okay?

I thoroughly enjoyed these deep dives into Gojo’s past, we can see how much Gojo has struggled in his childhood and how these experiences have shaped him into the person he is today, for better or for worse. We can see just how scared and vulnerable Gojo actually is, through this whole Ice Prince persona he puts on in front of everyone. I know that they both have a LOT of trauma and I hope they get professional help for it or at least open up to them a bit about their pasts/worries. Y/N and Gojo are getting so much better at communicating with each other and with Y/N giving their relationship outside of coparenting a chance maybe things will actually get better! I love the domestic scenes with them because I feel like this is what Gojo and Y/N truly want. A happy family, no guns, no blood on their hands, no money problems, just pure simple domestic bliss. A glimpse into what they could’ve had for years now had Gojo went to the park years back.

It definitely breaks my heart realizing how paranoid Gojo gets and how vigilant he must be over Y/N. He’s probably terrified she’s gonna disappear again and now that he knows they have Keisuke together I can imagine his anxiety multiplies 100 times. I’m almost surprised he hasn’t put a tracker on her like he did Utahime, but he probably knows better than to do that.

I’m wondering why Gojo doesn’t tell Y/N what actually happened with Hiro 🤔 I assume that Gojo has a hard time talking about his upbringing with his father, but Y/N deserves to know the truth. She cared for Hiro and he was the only one on her side in the earliest parts of August when she was surrounded by people who wished her harm. She deserves the closure and I hope she gets that!

I truly wonder how things will end and I worry that Yuri will do massive damage to Y/N, or Jerry because I feel like Jerry would lay his life on the line for the people he cares about and I want him to be okay 😭 I just know something is gonna happen because it wouldn’t be August if it didn’t contain any angst 🤭

I know this is the calm before the storm, I just hope everyone makes it out okay 🥹 I’m sorry for rambling, I really hope this all made sense. Hope you’re doing well and I’m super excited to read the finale when it comes out 🥰

I love a good essay ask!

Gojo had never seen his mom and you'll know why in the next part so I won't get too much into it. But you're right he has never seen a healthy relationship in his life (romantic or otherwise). He has always gotten what he wanted and just assumed that the world revolved around him. That was until he met y/n who changed his perspective completely. He realised that money and power are not the only things that matter in life. But even while dating her the ideology instilled in him by his father stayed in the corners of his mind and that's why he ultimately chose power over love when he got engaged to Utahime.

But what a mistake that was. He realised that no amount of power gave him the peaceful sleep he got when he was with y/n and money could not buy forgiveness and acceptance of a person.

If anything were to happen to y/n or Keisuke Gojo will have a complete mental breakdown. He would go clinically insane and would prefer to end it all rather than live in the nightmare. The guilt will consume him and he won't ever get out of it. He would destroy everything and everyone in his path.

He is still scared to leave y/n alone. Even though there is no threat right now. He questions everything he does, even if it's a good thing. The incident had left him damaged. He was in therapy but it didn't fix the hurt in his heart. According to him only y/n can fix it. The more acceptance he gets from her the more he heals.

About Hiro.... we'll see in the next part. Some difficult conversations are bound to happen for both of them to move to the next stage of a happy life. Lots of domestic bliss is coming in the next part but also with angst.

The chapter is so long (20k words and counting) I'm worried I'll have to break it into two parts. Should I?

#gojo satoru #ash answers 🤍#august✨

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weiszklee · 11 months

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Gay men (as you seem to know from plentiful experience) both have about the most persecuted sexual desires in all of society and frequently tend to pursue these desires in about the most direct fashion possible. Both in porn and irl.

Even for straight men I just don’t buy this shit about their sexuality being less stigmatised. Women (well, cis ones at least) generally are not afraid they’ll get branded a pedo if they are seen alone at a children’s park, are not told they need to be mindful that every man they express interest in is right to default to treating them as a potential rapist, and have no substantial history of being lynched for expressing their heterosexuality. You can find plentiful female sex creeps saying how grateful they are not to be a guy so they can get away with being a sex pest. Tbh this feels like a psyop to get men to accept the unmitigated and violent terror with which their libidos are commonly regarded as a just and natural correction to some imagined pro-male bias in whose sexuality gets them shit-beaten-out-of.

(If your response is that this stigma against male sexuality is justified bc men are objectively more polluting you are conceding my claim already)

Oh I am very well aware of how gay men pursue their satisfaction, indeed it is part of why I am only now answering this ask.

Maybe I was being a bit overly broad in my assewrtions, but I think the general point still stands. Sex and the City was seen as breaking a lot of taboos when it showed straight women openly enjoying porn, for a simple example of what I'm talking about. And the people who grew up before Sex and the City are very much so still around, and they are willing to pay money for romance novels and porn, so the producers of those cater to their tastes. Even now, some people deliberately raise kids in a way that they're still as adults gonna be scandalized by Sex and the City. Even if they eventually come around to accepting porn as normal, the assumptions implanted in them early on still have an influence.

This is of course all historically contingent. In the middle ages and early modern times, women used to be seen as the inherently sexual temptresses who had to be controlled lest they corrupt the good Christian men. This slowly became the innocent dainty women whose virginity had to be protected from the inherently sexual men who would pursue them. And then finally, the prude of the 20th century who had to be pursuaded into having sex, by means of indulging her romantic streak. The "sexual revolution" aimed to put an end to these ideas, but such radical ideas need time to diffuse into the mainstream.

This short historical account is of course a big oversimplification, ideas of race and class play into this heavily (while the temptress can be any class or race, the damsel in distress and the prude skew white an upper class), and the development was not a straight line, it took a lot of twists and turns and was different across different cultures, different views overlapped in time, and so on. If I was qualified to give a more detailed account, we'd be here all day.

The history of the stigma around gay men's sex is of course different. Due to the nature of these things, gay men were able to live their life separate from the heterosexual mainstream (this option was not available to straight women), and they could normalize heir sexual desires among themselves, to the point that there existed a bit of a treasure trove of gay porn for the women of Sex and the City to enjoy. But again: Growing up in the hetrosexual mainstream does not leave gay men unaffected, so sublimating their desires into art, for example, is so common it's become a stereotype.

The "archetype" of the male predator is of course interwoven with these ideas, and I'm not making statements about if it is "worse" than society's denial of female sexuality. But I don't think it's disproving my point, because as horrible (and, as you rightly point out, lifethreateningly dangerous) this stereotype is, the presence and importance of male sexual desires are taken as a given, so it makes sense to satisfy those desires directly without the plausible deniability of a romance novel.

Anyway, I've got company, so I'm going to get back to him, but feel free to send more asks, I'll get around to them eventually.

#answered

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