#worried mentioning my Abandonment issues will trigger abandonment

[1101200905]

imo worst part of having a cluster b is constantly having to manage other ppl about it. like, if i tell someone, i have to open with "but i promise i would never intentionally hurt you and im not like xyz." like you gotta work again every stereotype, even w ppl who are generally cool, cause sanism and stigma against cluster bs seems like some of the last prejudice to go.

#its so annoying !!!!! #like... im usually anxious ab self disclosure #but w this esp #telling ppl i have bpd uhhhhhh #concerns me #esp cause im Quiet borderline #so they genuinely might not otherwise Really know #its a cycle! #worried mentioning my Abandonment issues will trigger abandonment #also worried that mention them will pressure or guilt ppl into feeling like they can't leave me and that also feels Bad #bpd #cluster b #quiet borderline #borderline #sanism #stigma

[v3nusxsky]

Hi! Could you do a CG Natasha/Little!reader? Where the reader has abandonment issues, and severe separation anxiety ( due to basically being passed around the foster care system) and she breakes a cup on accident ( or breakes something) and panics because she thinks her momma will be mad and leave her and fluff/comfort happens?

Love bug

*Authors note~ Mars failing her driving exam with silly mistakes equals an Agere fic so I hope you all enjoy*

Trigger Warnings~ little r cg momma nat mentions of Wanda (aunt) hinted at foster care rough childhood and abuse

Prompt~ see ask^^^^^

You were okay before she left, you managed to kiss her goodbye and totally didn't cry. Well you did but after she left. It was silly really, she'd be gone twelve hours maximum, the mission so low risk she'd be doing a duo rather than a whole team. Without you. Of course you worry for her, as she does for you, but for some reason this mission was hitting you hard. Perhaps it was the fact it was last minute or maybe you'd just been pretty sensitive today. But either way Natasha had asked Wanda if she'd keep an eye on you today. It made things easier for you to have someone around when Nat couldn't be there.

Natasha left about ten in the morning and you weren't expecting her to be there till ten at night, so of course you cried yourself to sleep for a nap. Your hope was that it would take up most the time but in fact you only managed to sleep for an hour and a half. You'd woken up feeling rather small, not really understanding you'd regressed or why you'd done so. But the list that you'd made yourself to keep yourself busy and fully distracted from your lover's absence was forgotten.

Without the mental capacity to even consider doing all your adult you tasks you just rolled over and snuggled into your Mama's pillow, nuzzling into her scent hoping to convince yourself she was truly right her. It did nothing but make you miss her more now. Crying was your only reaction to this and that's how Wanda found you when an hour later. Eyes now puffy and red as you sobbed for your Mama. "Oh darling, are we a little one?" Wanda murmured gaining your attention and receiving a small nod and whimper of "Auntie Wan" accompanied but sniffed and whimpers."I'm here lovely, what can Auntie Wanda do for you?"

"Wan Mama" you whimpered, pouting at the mind reading witch. "Oh I know my darling girl, remember Auntie Wands can read your mind?" Her attempt to get you off of seeking out Natasha seemed to work for now, you gasped as if you didn't already know this information. That was how Wanda was stopped showing you call little tricks with her magic that had you amazed and mesmerised on her rather than who wasn't here. With the promise of more tricks with her magic she managed to convince you to come and settle down with the team. They loved when you regressed and your little state loved them just as much.

You spent hours with the team, even eating a little as auntie Wanda made sure Bucky and Thor were unsuccessful in their attempts to try and "steal" your food of your plate. You giggled every time the tried and wands would remove their hands with magic. Tony filled your mind of all these cool toys he could design for you and all the gadgets he could make for his favourite little Avenger. You didn't know you were the only little Avenger and you most certainly didn't know that your Mama and Auntie Wanda would string Tony up the second they thought you'd be in any danger.

Natasha was due back in an hour and a half now. The team watching all the movies your little headspace loves to watch, in fact you'd began with 101 Dalmatian's so it only made sense you'd watch 102 and 103 Dalmatian's. In fact on the third film Wanda decided everyone should have a warm drink to settle themselves for bed. Really it was so you didn't feel alone when she asked you to have your night time drink. Your headspace meant you were willing to drink from a cup with some support so Wanda happily helped you drink. But one time you got brave, curiosity running through your mind as you attempted to be a big girl and make your Mama proud. But the crash of the mug smashing on the ground startled everyone, your warm drink spilling everywhere amongst the shattered mug. Immediately, you began to attempt to clean the mug, not realising in your little state you could hurt yourself, and mumbled "Im sorry! I'm so sorry! Mama gone be mad me I sworry wan no tells Mama on mes? I fix I fix it please no want mana leave."

Bucky attempted to come near you only causing you to shrink further into the mess and cry a plea of forgiveness and that you'd fix it. You didn't want to hurt again. You wanted to make sure your Mama didn't hate you, that she would stay with you and that she still loved you. All these people were wrong, and that made you mad. You wanted your Mama and the fact they wouldn't get her caused a meltdown.

Wanda quickly became the gravity for you, ushering the men away from the room and immediately scooping your crying form off the floor and using her magic to clean the mess. "Hushhhh little one, it's okay it's all clean. All gone. No one is mad. Your Natty is still gonna love her precious girl I promise" Wanda soothed as you sobbed into her shoulder hiccuping through them. "Shh little one. I'm here aren't I? Did I go?" Causing you to shake your head, "want Mama."

"Did I hear my Lovebug wants her Mama?" Natasha's voice rang through the compound causing you to stifle a sob and gasp clinging to Wanda. Although you wanted Nat more than life itself but the fear of her getting mad at you for the mug and leaving you alone. "I'm sorry no let hurt me. I'm sorry mama I no mean do it I try fix" you whimpered showing your hands that Wanda had magic bandaids on for you. "Oh my little Lovebug, Mama isn't mad I promise. I'm here baby I promise and so is Wands here. She took care of you for me huh?" You nodded and pointed to the television where the white spotted dogs were. "Ah I see you had doggies on huh? You must be super tired love bug. I think it's time my lovely girl gets some rest with me. Wanna cuddle my baby while we sleep" she whispered kissing your head as Wanda helped guide you into Natasha's arms. From there you'd have a few more meltdowns before drifting off to sleep with your head buried into her neck.

Word count~ 1178

#anon answered #v3nusxsky answers #fanfic #anon requested #natasaha romanoff #nat x you #soft mana nat #natasha x you #nat #soft natasha romanoff #natasha x reader #natasha x y/n #natasha romanoff #cg nat #mama nat #natasha marvel #black widow fan fic #natasha mcu

[blueskittlesart]

Hey it's the anon who wants to play BOTW but is egregious bad at video games again. I took your advice and I've shocked myself at how much progress i've made, I got to the goron village, korok forest, and rito village. One current issue is that I am still. SO bad at the combat. Like SO bad. I panic immediately and lose all coordination (which I already had very little of). I managed to get myself killed before I could even get to the point where Sidon GIVES YOU the quest to get to Zora's domain. I completely fumbled through a minor test of strength.

Any tips for improving general combat capabilities. HELP

hi! first of all, i'm gonna go over the basics of combat and how/when you should use them. the game does technically tell you these things, but they come up early game and are pretty easy to miss imo. you might know some of them already tho!

the first thing that's probably going to be really helpful to you if you don't already know about it is enemy targeting. this locks the camera in place on a specific enemy, even within a horde of them, giving you free reign to abandon the right stick and focus on button pressing. to target an enemy, get close and press the left trigger (ZL.) this will also equip your shield if you're using a one-handed weapon, but the targeting is the most important. Once you're locked in on one enemy, so long as you keep the trigger pressed, the camera will auto-lock into a straight line from link's back to the enemy, so there's no need for you to worry about camera controls. if you DO touch the right stick while targeting, the target camera will jump to the next closest enemy to link and auto-lock again. in general, when fighting, your left pointer should be pressing the trigger to target at all times, your left thumb should be on the stick moving link around, and your right thumb should be pressing Y and shouldn't move from that button. that's the basic combat configuration and there aren't a lot of scenarios where you're going to have to do much more than that (except maybe the right trigger for your bow.)

next is weapon classes. there are 3 different melee weapon classes in botw--swords, greatswords, and polearms. each weapon class has a different attack pattern and speed, and each class has its own strengths and weaknesses.

swords are any weapon link swings one-handed. (examples include the master sword, broadswords, tree branches, boomerangs, small boko clubs, etc.) they have a decently fast attack pattern and when they're equipped link can also use a shield in his left hand with ZL. this is my favorite weapon class, as it's pretty middle-of-the road, usually they have mid-range attack points, as previously mentioned their attack speed isn't too slow, and they come with the added bonus of being able to use a shield. if you're fighting something like a guardian where shielding is necessary, you should always aim to be using a sword-class weapon as it's the only weapon class that link can also hold a shield with.

greatswords are heavy two-handed weapons (examples include claymores and bigger boko clubs.) they usually have very large attack stats, often in the 50s or above, which makes them tempting, especially early game. however, they have several noticeable drawbacks that make them my least favorite weapon class. because of their weight, their attack speed is very low, and because they're two-handed link can't shield when he has one equipped. I personally stay away from this weapon class early-game--imo they're only worth it if you have both hearts and stamina to spare. I only ever use them for hard-hitting charged attacks after stunning an enemy, and will almost always switch back to a sword-class weapon for regular combat.

polearms are long, light two-handed weapons that link holds like a spear (examples include spears, halberds, and tridents.) these have the fastest attack speed in the game, but because they're two-handed link still can't shield with one equipped. these weapons also usually have a longer reach than swords and greatswords, so they can be useful if you don't want to get too close to what you're fighting (however you forfeit the more reliable protection of a shield in order to get that benefit.) these are useful in a pinch, and personally i won't actively discard them like i tend to do with greatswords, but they definitely don't have the same versatility and ease of use as a sword-class weapon.

for early-game, i'd try to stick to sword-class weapons as much as possible, and ALWAYS have your shield up with the left trigger/ZL when you're in combat. this alone will make you harder to hit and let you last a lot longer. with the limited weapon slots you have early-game, i'd focus on collecting weapons that are easy for you to use rather than the ones with the highest attack stats, especially since they're going to break anyway. be willing to sacrifice a high-attack greatsword for a lower-attack one-handed sword in a pinch.

as for the actual mechanics of combat, there are plenty of fancy things you CAN do, but very few of them are actually necessary to beat the game. you can get through 90% of all combat in botw by just targeting with ZL and mashing Y, maybe occasionally sprinting with B to avoid enemy attacks. there are shrines and npcs that will teach you fancy things like backflips and perfect-dodges, which are useful if you can reliably perform them, but if you're someone who gets easily confused when you have to perform a lot of button presses in quick succession, it'll probably be more useful for you to just stick to Y attacks.

the one special combo attack you ARE going to need to learn in order to get through the game is a perfect shield parry, which is going to sound scary and difficult when i explain it but i promise it becomes like second nature after a while. this combo is the easiest way to combat anything that has a laser-beam attack, like guardians and certain late-game bosses. you hold your shield up with ZL, (this combo can ONLY be performed if you're holding a one-handed weapon, and make sure you're targeting the enemy attacking you and not just holding your shield up at nothing) wait for the laser to lock onto you, (the target line will blink rapidly and then disappear just before the laser fires) and then, right when the laser hits your shield, hit the A button to redirect the beam back towards the enemy. there is some level of danger here, because if you press A too early the beam may hit you, but most of the time if you fail to perform a perfect parry the beam will still just bounce off your shield and not do any damage to you. there are plenty of stationary guardians on the map you can use to practice this skill until the timing is ingrained into you, and i would highly recommend practicing it as it's super useful late-game.

as a final note, remember that botw is a game designed for versatility. it seems like you're doing everything very by-the-book--fighting whenever the game tells you to fight, regardless of whether you really WANT to fight. and there's nothing wrong with that, but it's also by no means the only way to get through the game. if you find yourself struggling with melee combat, there's nothing stopping you from buying a bunch of bomb arrows and just firing them off at enemies from afar, or even just eating a shit ton of stealth food and sneaking around them. certain combat scenarios are going to be unavoidable, but botw is a game that prioritizes player innovation, meaning that very rarely is there going to only be one way out of a situation. if you're struggling with melee combat, try something else! try your bow, or a rune, or avoiding combat altogether, until you find something that sticks and makes the game fun for you. there's no wrong way to play!

#also worth noting--if you get scared by the quick weapon-switch mechanics mid battle you can literally just pause and open your inventory #to manually switch if your weapon breaks. you don't NEED to use the D-pad for anything except runes if you don't want to #asks

[yanderes-galore]

Fandom: Homestuck/Hiveswap

Character: Damara Medigo

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic <>

Type of fic: Hc

Other Info: With a beta troll reader :33

I'll try my hand at this, sure! For context, Alpha Trolls are the Trolls found in the Dream Bubbles. Beta Trolls are the main cast we follow in Homestuck. First time writing Damara... so things may be off.

Yandere! Damara Megido with Beta Troll! Concept

Pairing: Pale/Moirail♦️

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Manipulation, Overprotective behavior, Jealousy, Violence, Murder mention, Forced relationship.

Damara can be a terrifying yandere.

You don't understand her half the time but sometimes she speaks to you in a language you can understand.

I personally feel Damara would be kind to you.

She's older than you due to you being a Beta Troll and her being an Alpha Troll.

Which is why her Quadrant with you is Pale and not Flushed or Pitched.

She's kind to you, similar to how she is with the humans.

Mostly because she has no issues with you.

You could be the same blood color as her or another blood color.

She doesn't mind too much.

If you're another blood caste she definitely keeps you away from your Dancestor.

Damara doesn't like how she was treated by the others in her group.

That's why she'd find companionship in you.

Others in her group may comment on her being soft, especially Meenah... but she merely taunts them in "Troll Japanese" before returning to you.

She really does care for you... using you as a way to gain companionship that her team didn't give her.

The thing is... you can never tell is Damara is manipulating you or not.

As a possible servant of Lord English, she can naturally be deceptive.

So maybe she really is manipulating you into being her Moirail.

Others Dancestors no doubt try to warn you about her.

Such as Rufioh, Horuss, Meenah...

But Damara tries to convince you otherwise.

Why should you listen to her team anyways? They're idiots....

Damara would be easily jealous.

Seeing you interact with others reminds her of what happened with Rufioh.

Which makes the Witch of Time a bit irritated.

Damara has tendencies of violence but trues not to direct them towards you.

She's tired of being neglected and abandoned.

Which leads her ro antagonizing and trying to fight with her old team even more.

Meenah finds it amusing that you reignite such a spark Damara.

Meanwhile Rufioh and Horuss are worried for you.

Damara can't be a good influence for you... she may even harm you somehow.

Plus, what happens when the Beta Trolls have to leave the Dream Bubbles?

You'd have to leave...

...

There's only one way to prevent such a thing in Damara's eyes.

Making you a ghost like all the rest.

Such a thought is foul play, something that really shouldn't be done.

But Damara is tired of being denied such a happiness.

You'll stay with her in the Dream Bubbles... it's better than dying to Lord English...

Even if it means losing your life to become her Moirail.

#yandere homestuck x reader #yandere homestuck #yandere damara megido

[taxkha]

What do you think Apollo and Klavier’s first date would be or was

Okay so, I actually sketched out a 52 long storyboard for a comic about that (sort of) I don't know if this might be triggering so just in case, my planned story deals with panic attacks, past abuse and bullying, some topics to a heavier extend than others but all of these things are mentioned (I swear, this is still about a date. Sort of.)

So the story of it is that Klavier visits the agency when Apollo is alone in his office and asks him out and Apollo is really surprised but ends up saying yes. When he gets ready for the date on the next day he ends up having a panic attack because memories of past bullying and abuse in his foster homes dwell up again and that paired with his general closed of nature + abandonment issues/trust issues leads to him having a pretty bad time. Klaver calls to tell him hes waiting in front of Apollos apartement building and Apollo manages to pick up the phone but his voice comes out very shaky which worries Klavier who then comes up to Apollos apartement. He bangs against the door and grows more and more worried because hes not opening at first but in the end Apollo does manage to open a door after taking some slow steps towards it and once Klavier is in, Apollo breaks down and Klavier comforts him. The story does end with them kissing and getting together even if the date didn't reaaally happen :"D I actually drew the first page of the comic some months ago:

I don't really like how it looks now tho but I'm attached to this story and I would love to actually finish it at some point. Hope this was somewhat...interesting to read, even if it wasnt a super wholesome idea of a date __φ(．．;)

#ace attorney #klapollo #asks

[limi-pie]

Longing or love pt. 1

A/N: Okay, so I don’t know how to explain this. But I’m sooo dirty, horny and a BIG thirsty hoe🔞 sooo here is this YuTae fanfiction, initially this was supposed to be just porn and basically a threesome. But somehow it turned to this well-written story and decent somewhat detailed plot…🦥 Also, the summer heat/horniness is really getting to me…🌚 I’m blaming Taeyong’s and Yuta’s Instagram (& ALSO NCT 127’s Hyung line in general‼️🥵 Rip my heart and soul)

– Next part >

Pairing: Nakamoto Yuta, (Specific) Female! Reader, and Lee Taeyong

Contains: Babygirl asf‼️Y/N, Professor! Taeyong, Boss/CEO! Yuta, Comedy, Complicated relationships, Dark themes, Dysfunctional relationships, Financial struggles, Mature themes, Melodrama, NSFW, SMUT, Student/Office worker! Y/N, Romance, Slight age gap (nothing too big or serious tho🦥) Unprotected sex (because I’m scum and dirty🥵)

Warnings: Aftercare, abandonment (idk, I’m just adding it to be safe tbh), abortion (it’s only mentioned tho), alcohol, absent parents, (slight) BDSM, blowjob(m), breast play, consensual sex, cockwarming, cuddles, cursing, cunnilingus, cum eating, cum play, death (it’s mentioned briefly but it’s just a nightmare, don’t worry), daddy issues, divored parents, drinking, dirty talk, face fucking, family dysfunctions, fights, fingering, foreplay, gambling, hair pulling, harassment, kissing, making out, oral sex (f), PDA, pregnancy (also mentioned), praise kink, public sex (semi), tattoos, titty-fucking, two-timing, teasing, unprotected sex, verbal abuse, minor violence (I’m sorry but justice had to be served.😾)

Wordcount: 16,6 K (I’m so sorry😪 but it’s lowkey worth it!)

–🌹–🌺–💚–🦋–🌹–🌺–💚–🦋–🌹–🌺–💚–🦋–🌹–🌺–💚–🦋–

Disclaimer: (I wrote this fanfiction purely because of my wild imagination and I finally let my summer horniness loose‼️)

This piece of writing is fanmade and all just my imagination, I have no actual intentions of actually shipping NCT members like this nor do I mean they would behave/act like this in real life. Another thing, the main theme in this story has deep-rooted issues which involves an abusive, toxic and unhealthy relationship with a father, in other words ‘Daddy Issues’. If you have daddy issues (like myself) or is easily triggered by this kind of theme, then I suggest to read this with caution or not read it at all, up to you. It’s not severely bad but it’s a lot about losing trust, abandonment and mentally abuse, etc., see my warnings to get more clear discriptions to avoid feeling uncomfortable and such.

Finally, regardless if you have daddy issues or something else, please remember that you are deeply loved and that your past relationship with your parents don’t define you as a person.💚 Please, love yourself, cherish and take care of yourself, you’re an incredible person.

–🌹–🌺–💚–🦋–🌹–🌺–💚–🦋–🌹–🌺–💚–🦋–🌹–🌺–💚–🦋–

Your love life has always been a big disappointment, you never had a faithful boyfriend or let alone go on a real romantic date. Your life was full of one-night stands that led to nothing more but headaches and the big urge to just watch adult movies by yourself while masturbating. You couldn’t help yourself, life’s a bitch - especially when you're single and an only child. And seeing how your parents’ failed relationship was only reminding you that marriage and love are a lie.

You’re also wondering why loving someone has to be so hard…

You stepped out of your panties as you kissed his neck and body, you embraced the guy you met from Itaewon, but still, why are you chasing love? He unbuttoned his pants as you began sucking him off and moaning, he came within a minute. He chuckled, seeing you covered in semen as he changed into his clothes and left. Not looking back at you just even once.

. . . .

You hugged your knees, sighing heavily as you felt dirty. You looked at the ceiling of the hotel you stayed at. You saw the many lights of Seoul outside your window and exhaled deeply. You went to the bathroom to throw up as you gagged, tears running down your cheeks.

Why should you torture yourself like this?

After everything you’ve been through you somehow still managed to survive, even if you have no desire or passion for anything else. You closed the door of the hotel room and left.

That night you didn’t know if true love did exist, even if it did… Would it change anything?

You listened to Love Exist by Qiqi, walking away from the hotel and heading home.

. . . .

It was the 7th of March 2022, halfway through your second semester…

Looking outside and seeing the pretty pink cherry blossoms fall elegantly and gracefully as you made your way down the long hallway. As your first year had already passed, you didn’t know how you managed to survive this long. At Yonsei University and in hopes of pursuing a degree in sociology was the only thing that you could focus on, aside from also working part-time in an advertising company. You’re Park Y/N, one confident, young, and beautiful Korean woman, in your mid-twenties.

Although you were on bad terms with your Sociology Professor Lee Taeyong, he had always been disappointed by your lousy behavior and your inability to pay attention in his lectures and always failing to deliver your assignments on time. Today was no different, he had summoned you to his private small meeting room before class as you stood there full of the same old excuses. 

“I’m truly sorry, professor Lee. I promise that I’ll change,” you bowed your head respectfully as he scoffed, “we had this talk many times already Ms. Park Y/N, I’m afraid this time you’ll be severely punished for your reckless actions.” Mr. Lee sighed heavily, tossing your papers onto his desk as he adjusted his eyeglasses. You were silent, it seemed like you had pissed him off more than usual today. “I said I’m sorry, I just didn’t have time and I’m also working part-time besides university, you know…” You mumbled pathetically, rubbing your arm as he slammed his hands on the desk, he has already and completely lost patience with you.

“I don’t care, Ms. Park Y/N, you obviously don’t take your studies or this degree seriously! You’re one unbelievable woman, it would be a miracle to see you get anything else besides C– and D as your grades.” You looked down, feeling bad as you held your hands together. “I’m sorry, professor Lee.” You bowed, “the next time I see you, we need to have a discussion. Meet me here next Monday, if you truly desire this major.” Mr. Lee got up and walked past you.

The silence fell hard as you frowned before leaving, “I’m so fucking stupid!” You groaned in frustration as it was just another awful start to the week. “Hey, what’s up Y/N,” Yeonwoo asked, locking her arm with yours, “nothing special, I just really fucked up by not sending that stupid assignment ‘Independence Movement Day’ to professor Lee. But he’s seriously furious this time, I’m such an idiot,” you pouted as she giggled. “Come on now, Y/N it’s not that bad, let’s get some coffee and tell me all your frustrations,” she smiled, hugging you as you walked to the Starbucks near campus.

“–You know how professor Lee is, he’s super strict and harsh on you. Because he only wants the best,” Yeonwoo explained, sipping on her Spring Garden Jasmine drink. You sighed, drinking your Spring Strawberry Milk. “But it’s so unfair, he only yells and takes out his frustrations on me only… I haven’t seen him so mad with any other students except for me…” You mumbled, stirring your straw in your glass. “That’s because he knows you’re a dumbass, Y/N,” she scoffed, shaking her head as she took another sip, “yah! That’s not true! I have some good qualities too!” You replied stubbornly as she giggled.

“Well whatever, enough about that. Are you coming to the nightclub in Hongdae?” Yeonwoo smiled, finishing her drink, “omg totally! Wait, I have office work till late evening…” You sighed, checking your calendar, “man, this sucks!” You groaned, “it’s alright, Y/N just join us later,” she added as you finished your drink and walked away to your next class.

“Man, another lecture with professor Lee,” you whined as Yeonwoo giggled, opening her locker, “just pay attention and pretend to be doing something, just don’t fall asleep, okay?” She smiled as you closed your locker, “I know maybe we should avoid sitting together, that way he’ll see you’re serious about changing!” She suggested as you nodded slightly, “I guess I’ll give it a try…” You walked to the lecture hall, you sat down on the back row as Yeonwoo sat on the front row.

“Annyeonghaseyo. Everyone, today we will talk about next week’s exam project, this will be very important if you care about your grades.” Professor Lee announced, looking around as he stared at you in disappointment. “Alright, today’s lecture will be about gender inequality and misogyny.” You already yawned at the sound of his speech and teaching. “Hopefully, you all have prepared by reviewing and reading the books,” Mr. Lee chuckled before looking over at you falling asleep.

“Ah yes professor Lee, I’ve done some research on single mothers in Daegu.” Yeonwoo smiled and spoke, “they’re often met with discrimination and prejudices against them,” explaining when she looked at you snoring. “Thank you, Ms. Lee, that was exceptional research in a wide range of materials. You’ve also shown a great aspect of different methods too.” He applauded her as the other students did the same. 

“Appa… help me…” You begged, holding onto the edge of a cliff as you were about to fall, your father stood nearby, staring at you in disbelief, “you’re just like that wench, Y/N-ah,” he scoffed, hands in his pockets as he walked closer, “Appa… I’m sorry, please don’t leave me…” You started to tear up, your breath shaking as you were struggling to hold on.

“I promise not to make you mad anymore… just… please, help me…” You pleaded as he chuckled, “I never wanted you to exist, you were a mistake from the very moment you were born. I’ve always wanted a son, never a daughter.” He held you by the wrist, “Appa…” you cried, feeling helpless while listening to his abusive words. “Park Y/N, die.” Your father said before letting go of your wrist as you fell off the cliff, “Appa!” You screamed desperately falling into the deep ocean as you woke up.

All the students were staring at you as professor Lee shook his head. “Sorry…” You mumbled quietly, bowing your head as Yeonwoo smiled, locking eyes with you.

“–Alright, so today you’ll be working in groups and presenting your presentation by the end of the work,” Professor Lee announced, writing on the blackboard as you sighed, hastily taking notes before he’d erase them.

“Group 1, your main focus is on children’s rights, please use policy briefs and literature reviews as well as other materials online. Group 2, you’ll be focusing on women’s rights, please use statistics and also include the ‘Nth Room’ and any laws regarding the topic. Lastly group 3, your topic is going to be poverty and workers’ rights, those two combined, hence why you are 4 people in this group. You are allowed to use any kind of method for this presentation,” he cleared his throat before speaking again.

“–Except for Ms. Park Y/N, I want you to specifically use these two methods and not anything else. Take this as a lesson for sleeping and not paying attention.” He scoffed as everyone looked at you and started to gossip, “fucking hell…” You sneered while whispering and glaring at everyone in your group.

You tried running away in sneaky manners when he called you, “Ms. Park Y/N, I’d like to talk with you, don’t even think about escaping,” professor Lee smirked, scoffing as he went back inside as you sighed, “Y/N, fighting!” Yeonwoo whispered before waving, “see you later, Yeonwoo…” You sighed, walking back inside as he was waiting for you near his desk.

“Yes, professor Lee?” You asked, looking at him as he was sitting in his chair, tapping his fingertips on the desk, “how was your nap in my lecture?” You gasped as professor Lee shook his head, scoffing, “your kind of attitude is something I’ve seen plenty of in my entire career. Tch, nothing surprises me anymore except for the fact that there are no chances or any progress with a student like you.” He concluded as you felt ashamed and humiliated by his harsh and yet true words.

You were slowly zoning out as it recalled bad memories of your father lecturing you. He’d always have endless and long-life discussions with you. He was always nagging about how you're supposed to be a ‘grown-up’ and how you should live your life. Not to mention the way he belittled your mother, complaining about how irresponsible of a woman she is.

“–Are you even listening, Ms. Park?” Professor Lee demanded as you snapped back to reality, “–yes, sorry, I’m just tired,” you mumbled, avoiding his gaze as he sighed, “I don’t have to make myself clear, do I?” He warned you when your eyes widened, seeing him holding a piece of paper that read ‘reason for withdrawal’ from Yonsei University. “Withdrawal from Yonsei University…?” You repeated, looking at him very confused.

“Are you seriously kicking me out of university…?” You asked desperately as he sighed, standing up and putting his hands into his pants pockets. “Sometimes it’s better to stop what you’re doing rather than to keep going. And from what I've observed I believe you should pursue a different career path than the one involving sociology, Ms. Park.” He stated, nodding as you clenched your fists in frustration. “I’ve seen too many dropouts before, you should stop and quit before it’s too late–”

“–Professor Lee. I’m not going to drop out or stop pursuing my degree in sociology. Yonsei University has always been a dream and a goal of mine, I’m not quitting regardless of what you say.” You scoffed, grabbing the paper before crumbling into a ball and tossing it at his desk, and finally walking away. “Heh, I see you still stubborn as ever, Ms. Park Y/N. However, don't come crying back to me - if you do end up regretting your choice.” Professor Lee scoffed softly.

When you stood in the doorway. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to. Because I have no regrets anymore.” You scoffed, slamming the door as you walked away feeling determined more than ever.

“Jeez, Y/N-ah… Your temper is going to bite you in the end,” Yeonwoo shook her head as you pouted, “I guess so… it’s his fault for threatening my scholarship anyways!” You whined, dancing Gashina by Sunmi with her as she giggled. “Gashina! Gashina! Ladies, more energy to your movements!” The instructor said, watching you dance, “yes ma’am!” You both replied.

If there’s one in life you can’t afford to lose in life. It is the sheer determination and pure guts to never give up. Once you’ve set your mind on something you can’t give up or lose to anyone.

You danced energetically and finished the outro flawlessly as the instructor clapped her hands, “great work Y/N-ssi and Yeonwoo-ssi, see you next time,” you and Yeonwoo bowed, “thanks Ms. Hyoyeon,” she smiled before taking her leave. “Are you taking a bath here or at home?” You asked her as she grabbed her bag and headphones, “mhm, I’m showering at home, I’ve to head to the fitness gym later for my short shift.” She smiled and waved before leaving. “See you, Yeonwoo,” you said as you put on your cropped hoodie and walked down the hallway.

You gently pulled your shorts down a little while walking past a group of male students when they looked at you up and down. Perverts… You suddenly stumbled upon professor Lee as you fell, his black hot coffee spilling on your hoodie as you hissed, “o-oww, oww, it’s so hot…” He sighed deeply seeing you in those booty shorts as he blushed a bit, “are you okay, Ms. Park?” You were crawling and gathering your several books, seeing how you were on all fours gave him the absolute wrong thoughts as he shook his head.

“Mmh, I’m sorry professor Lee,” you said, taking off the coffee-soaked hoodie as you were only wearing a sports bra, “it’s alright, don’t think about it… Just be careful next time Ms. Park.” Professor Lee said, flustered by the sight of your squished breasts in that Puma sports bra. “I’ll have to get going, bye-bye professor Lee.” You bowed, walking away quickly as he bowed too, taking one last look at you before heading to his meeting.

Hirai Momo (work)

Momo: “Hello, Boss asks if it would be possible for you to show up earlier today.”

You sighed at the text message, drying your hair and groaning loudly as you got out of the shower.

You: “How early are we talking about?”

Momo: “I mean ASAP, we need some help at the office - since Ms. Im is absent.”

You wore your uncomfortable black high heels and high-waisted lavender wide long pants and a lavender chiffon button-up shirt, you went inside the elevator tying your hair in a low ponytail.

“Good evening, Ms. Park,” the familiar voice caught you off guard as the elevator closed. “Good evening Nakamoto-nim,” you bowed, greeting your boss as you both got off on the 10th floor. “Your outfit is rather informal but I’ll let it slide this time, let’s talk in my office in 15 minutes.” He walked away as you headed to your desk, placing your coat and bag, “how screwed am I?” You mumbled to Ms. Hirai, “very screwed, it seemed like he argued with Yuka,” you sighed, “here, he wanted you to organize this folder before you meet him in his office.” She said, handing you the folder as you bowed, “thanks…”

“It’s Park Y/N…” You knocked on your Boss’ door, “come in,” you entered, bowing deeply, “sit down, please,” he pointed to the chair in front of his desk. “So what do you want to talk about Nakamoto-nim?” You asked, looking at him when he took a quick glimpse of your seamlessly translucent button-up long-sleeve shirt. “I’ve told you before that translucent or see-through clothing is a big ‘no’ under my company, either follow that rule or don’t. This is a final warning: if I see you again in another translucent outfit, I’ll cut half of your salary.” Mr. Nakamoto scoffed as you bowed, “I’m sorry it won’t happen again, Boss…”

“You’re dismissed, please help clean up in the reference room,” he scoffed, typing on his computer as you bowed and left his room. You stood on the ladder, dusting off the shelves as you sneezed, you were sweating like crazy. “Man, this sucks ass…! I get so hot whenever I’m cleaning this shitty room!” You groaned, taking off your shirt as you tied it around your waist, “much better, whew!” You wiped the sweat drops off your forehead as you continued cleaning while humming.

About an hour had passed as you sat on top of the table organizing old and new documents, stacks on either side of your thighs as you clumsily had a pencil placed in between your breasts when Nakamoto-nim walked in, seeing you all concentrated on the several documents and papers around you. 

“–Feeling inappropriate are we, huh?” He scoffed, standing in front of you, when you dropped the pencil and looked up, “ah… hello Boss…” You bowed as he looked at your visible chest before you wore your shirt again, “sorry… It was really hot working inside here…” You mumbled when he stared at you in utter disbelief, “finish cleaning up here and head to the main office, we’re going for team dinner so I need you, Mr. Yoo, and Mr. Yamazaki to work on some ideas for this Tinder advertisement.” He informed you before leaving again.

It’s always like this, listening and obeying your superiors’ orders and commands like a good bitch. It’s not like you had any other choices… You were struggling to pay for the small apartment you’re staying at, fully aware that your dad gives zero fucks about your whereabouts and how you’re doing.

You sighed deeply, discarding the old documents as you pressed the elevator button when it didn’t come down. “Come on, it was just working…” You tapped your heel impatiently as Ms. Hirai sent you a text.

Momo: “P.S. The elevator’s not working temporarily - they’re fixing the lights, that’s why. Good luck climbing back to the main office, Park-ssi.”

You were panting as your shirt was opened when you finally reached the 10th floor, Mr. Yamazaki was laughing at your sweaty red face. “Ahaha, holy shit Y/N! You never fail to surprise me,” he clapped his hands as you gave him the middle finger. “Damn, chillax already Y/N,” Mr. Yoo wrapped an arm around you, rubbing his hand on your back as you felt very uncomfortable.

“Hey, Babe… how about we go to the motel with just the three of us?” He cooed as you sighed, shaking your head, “let go of me, you creep.” You glared, slapping his arm as he was pissed off, “fucking bitch, all I want is for us to get along, since we’re all the part-time losers of this company anyways,” he scoffed as Mr. Yamazaki nodded. “Even if we’re losers, we shouldn’t just goof around and waste time, we’re getting paid for this work after all.” You informed them, gathering some papers together as Ms. Myoui sent you pictures of their delicious team dinner.

Must be nice to afford such a delicious dinner meal… You thought in slight envy, gathering blank papers as you tried to brainstorm some ideas for the advertisement. “So boys, any ideas or inputs?” Mr. Yamazaki scoffed before staring at your chest. “I have an idea, Y/N,” he smirked, “great, what is it, Mr. Yamazaki?” You smiled in hopes of a great idea, “you should be in the advertisement and feature those sexy melons of yours, we’ll get massive attention and views that way!” He laughed as Mr. Yoo wheezed, you finally had enough. These two idiots couldn’t provide for anything except pure stress and anger.

“Fucking suckasses.” You fumed and sneered, grabbing the stacks of papers before walking away and turning halfway, “I’ll tell Nakamoto-nim that you two dumbasses don’t want to cooperate - so I’ll handle the task alone.” You scoffed as Mr. Yoo got up, pissed off by your tone, “yah, you crazy bitch!” He opened his ice-cold water bottle and poured it all over your head and shirt, you gasped. “Yeah, take this ugly bitch,” Mr. Yamazaki laughed, throwing his leftover cold coffee on your chest, the empty cup hitting the ground as it broke. You stood there completely shocked and humiliated when everyone came back to witness this.

You turned around when Mr. Nakamoto stood in front of you, “Yamazaki Kento and Yoo Daejoon. In my office now.” He commanded as they nodded obediently, “and you Park come, meet me… After you’ve cleaned up this mess.” He scoffed, staring at you before leaving quickly. “Oh my, are you okay, Ms. Park?” Ms. Myoui asked, rubbing your back as you nodded, trying your hardest not to cry as Ms. Hirai wiped you with some napkins. “They’re some real assholes, I’m sorry, Park-ssi.” You shook your head, “no, no it’s fine. I’m okay, sorry for causing so much trouble. I’ll clean this up–” You stammered and kneeled, picking up the empty, broken cup pieces and plastic bottle. “O-ow…” You hurt yourself by picking up the shattered glass pieces. “–Park Y/N, my office now.”

You got up and tried to button up your shirt, closing it as fast as possible. But it seemed useless seeing how badly damaged it was it wouldn’t close. “You wanted to see me, Nakamoto-nim?” You walked inside, shutting the door and bowing when he turned his swivel chair around to face you. “Did you clean up the mess those fuckers left?” You nodded, “yes Sir,” he nodded, “good. I’ll have you assigned a different task, it seems like the three of you part-timers together is just a fucking joke.” He scoffed as you looked down, feeling ashamed. “I’m sorry…” You mumbled.

“–What happened to you?” Nakamoto-nim asked, looking at your shirt as it was completely covered in coffee stains and ruined, your bra and chest clearly visible as he looked away immediately. “Yamazaki and Daejoon…” You mumbled, struggling to close it as he scoffed, walking up to you. He took a quick look at you when he noticed the small wound on the back of your palm.

“Did these fuckers do this to you too?” He demanded as you shook your head, “no, I tried removing the broken pieces of glass when I hurt myself…” You mumbled sheepishly as he took hold of your hand, “please be careful next time,” Nakamoto sighed, cleaning up your wound as he placed a band-aid. “I’m sorry for all the trouble, Nakamoto-nim,” you bowed your head as he scoffed, patting your hair, “don’t apologize, you did nothing wrong.” You nodded, feeling shy about the way your shirt was wide open when you desperately tried to close it.

“Don’t bother. It’s no use, trying to close it. Just take it off,” he demanded as your eyes met his in slight confusion. “Yes, Nakamoto-nim…” You slowly took off your dirty shirt as you were left in your bra and pants. He went to the bathroom and handed you a clean wet Louis Vuitton handkerchief, “Here, clean yourself,” he said, feeling a bit bad for you as you blushed and bowed, “thank you, Sir…” You gently wiped your face, neck, collarbones, shoulders, and finally your chest. “Here, wear this till you’re off,” he took his blazer off and placed it over your shoulders, “please work inside the room on your right for the rest of the evening.” You looked up to meet his eyes and bowed deeply. “Thank you so much for all your help, Nakamoto-nim.” You smiled, walking into the small room as you continued working.

You yawned as it was almost 10:00 PM, and you decided to stick around, determined to finish your task. You almost fell asleep when Nakamoto-nim walked in to check on you. Papers were scattered all over the table and floor as he found you sprawled and sleeping heavily on the couch, “erhmm, Ms. Park,” he cleared his throat seeing your bra straps off your shoulders as he rolled his eyes, “please wake up, this is not your bedroom, Ms. Park.” He shook your shoulder as you groaned, pressing your chest against him, “sorry, just five more minutes Yeonwoo…” You mumbled in your sleep as he scoffed, feeling your chest against his forearm as he pushed you down on the couch again.

“What a truly unbelievable woman.” He sneered before dialing a girl’s number, “hello Yuka? Yes, sorry, I might sleep at the office tonight, I know I’m sorry. I’ll eat breakfast with you tomorrow, I promise. Goodnight, I love you too.” He hung up as he carried you in his arms. “Mmh… Nakamoto-nim?” You mumbled, squinting before opening your eyes widely as you jumped off his arms, “oh my goodness, what time is it?!” You yelled, feeling completely confused as he scoffed. “It’s past 11:00 PM, sleeping idiot.” He crossed his arms.

You yawned, “sorry Nakamoto-nim…” you bowed as he sighed, “just head home, it’s very late right now.” He looked at you up and down, feeling bad for you somehow, “yes Boss, I’ll get going,” you took off his jacket before handing it to him, “thank you again,” you bowed in gratitude before leaving his office. At least the elevator’s running as normal now, you greeted the security guard on your way out as you waited for your bus. Nakamoto-nim observed you from afar as he began driving past you when he smirked at the way you looked at him before the bus arrived.

“–Yeah, I know it’s so unbelievable!” You groaned, eating ramyun with Youngji and Yeonwoo. “Seriously, I don’t know why you bother working there, Unnie,” Youngji chewed and slurped her Shin Ramyun, “yeah, Youngji’s totally right, you should just get a new job if these jerks harass you again,” Yeonwoo nodded, slurping her chicken Samyang Buldak noodles. You sighed, eating your Samyang Potato Ramyun as you drank a bit of your Coca-Cola.

“I would’ve done it already… if I didn’t need the money so badly,” you groaned, finishing your noodles as you lay down on the floor, sighing heavily. “Fighting Unnie,” Youngji patted your thigh as Yeonwoo giggled, “yeah, you’re strong and stubborn, after all,” she smiled, picking up the bowls and placing them in the sink. You fell asleep as they both giggled, “you take her legs and I’ll take her arms,” they carried you on the couch as you were sleeping heavily in your bra and panties.

“Nighty’ Y/N,” Yeonwoo kissed your cheek as she tugged you with the blanket. “Sweet dreams, Unnie,” Youngji patted your hair as they left your apartment.

“–Another beer, please,” Nakamoto Yuta ordered before clinking his glass with Lee Taeyong, “aish, you’re a real asshole, Yuta, heh,” Taeyong chuckled, shaking his head in utter disbelief after hearing him tell the whole story at the office. He drank his champagne while continuing to listen. “She’s so unbelievably clumsy,” Yuta sipped his beer and poked the inside of his cheek. “Seeing her sprawled and sleeping so peacefully only in a bra really drove me crazy.” He shook his head as his friend chuckled, “you should have more patience, especially with your Yuka, remember?” He sighed, eating a piece of fried squid. “Mhm, don’t bring Yuka-chan into this, I could barely keep it together when those two fuckers harass her while I was gone.” He sneered, rolling his eyes as he thought back to earlier.

“Whose idea was it to do that to Ms. Park?” Yuta demanded, taking his watch off and tossing it to the side, “Boss, don’t blame us, please… Y/N was just acting bitchy and noisy!” Mr. Yamazaki kneeled, begging for forgiveness, “yeah, please we only wanted to teach her a lesson,” Mr. Yoo kneeled too. “Heh, you two fuckers are so quick to beg for forgiveness, fine. Go and apologize to Ms. Park right away - if you feel so bad.” He placed his hands into his pockets. “Wh-what…? Why should we apologize and ask for her forgiveness?” Yamazaki asked, looking up. “Y-Yeah…? She’s the one who was being unreasonable…!”

“I guess it can’t be helped then…” Yuta scoffed, rolling his sleeves up before slapping Mr. Yoo's cheek and then Mr. Yamazaki, they both gasped. Their eyes widened in shock. He scoffed before tilting his head and punching them. “Do you think picking on a younger woman is fun?” He sneered and glared before pulling Yamazaki’s hair as he whimpered, “I’m sorry, Boss,” he rolled his eyes before throwing him, “Boss, please spare us, we didn’t mean to harass her…!” Yoo confessed as Yuta cackled.

“Spare you?” he asked, tilting his head and staring at him begging for mercy, “fuckers like you are nothing but scum.” He punched him as he groaned, falling to the ground as Yamazaki crawled towards him.

“Go ahead, report me to the police for abuse and violence,” Yuta scoffed, tossing Yoo’s phone with the police’s number as he looked desperate.

“–However, if you as much as go near any of my coworkers or even talk to them, I’ll kill you.” Yuta warned and glared, staring at Yamazaki as he looked up in complete terror, “if I made myself clear, then get lost.” They both ran out of the room and never looked back.

“But I’m in an even worse place than you, Yuta,” Taeyong scoffed, eating some pretzels, “my foolish and irresponsible student got an attitude over the fact I told her to drop out.” He chuckled when Yuta laughed, “why would you threaten her like that, Taeyong-Hyung? She’s still a young adult and her career is the only hope she has left, right?” He raised an eyebrow, finishing his beer. “I feel bad for the likes of her… After scolding her, I accidentally spilled hot black coffee on her hoodie while stumbling upon her in the hallway,” he mumbled, feeling slightly guilty as Yuta shook his head.

“She’s quite popular with the male students at Yonsei University, I’ve heard several rumors and things about her,” Taeyong hummed, staring at the ice cubes in his empty glass. “Oh tell me, I wanna know, Hyung,” he smirked, “one rumor I heard was that she has severe Daddy issues…” He scoffed cockingly as he fixed his tie, “what the fuck does that mean, Hyung?”

“Women who tend to date older men and get into dysfunctional relationships as the aftermath of having an absent, poor or neglecting relationship with her father. This results in them having difficult times trusting men in general or getting attached to men with a sense of responsibility,” Taeyong explained as he listened, “what fucking bullshit, guess then she might as well have Mommy issues…” Yuta scoffed, shaking his head at the thought of her. “Second rumor I’ve heard about her is that she used to party a lot in nightclubs of Itaewon and Hongdae, even becoming a regular guest. Hooking up with many guys at different hotels too,” the professor scoffed and stared at him when the CEO smirked. “I guess it’s good to be young and free, huh?”

“Okay last one, Hyung?” Yuta laughed, “this one is more shocking to me… but I’ve heard that her high school homeroom teacher knocked her up and she was forced to get an illegal abortion. After that, her father hasn’t spoken to her since…” Taeyong looked at him when he was speechless. “I sure hope that the rumor is false, 'cause that’s fucked up…” He frowned, just thinking about it.

“You know what would be funny, Hyung?” Yuta cooed, walking with Taeyong in Yeouido Hangang Park, “what?” He scoffed, looking at the riverside as the cherry blossoms fell. “If you and I were talking about the exact woman, heh,” he laughed completely drunk as he scoffed, “what a load of bullshit, Yuta-ya,” he hiccuped as he chuckled, “what would be even more hilarious is if we ever ended up loving and fucking the same girl.” They both laughed and continued, walking away from the park. “Fuck, we’re so drunk…” They wheezed loudly.

The next morning, you took a shower as you were dancing and humming to Twice’s Breakthrough in Korean. You swung your arms just like in the choreography. You dried your hair with the towel as you brushed your teeth when your phone was ringing, “hello? Yeah, I just need to put my clothes on. Really? You’re picking me up?” You asked eagerly as Yeonwoo waited for you near the street.

“Omg, thank you so much Yeonwoo!” You hugged her before getting into the passenger’s seat. “Hehe, did you eat breakfast?” She asked when you shook your head, “no, I have nothing in my fridge. I need to buy groceries after school,” you groaned, buckling your seatbelt as she drove to Yonsei University.

“Thank you Youngji,” you mumbled, eating a chocolate croissant and sipping your vanilla latte, “welcome Unnie, eat well, okay?” She giggled as Yeonwoo ate blueberry yogurt with granola. “You really blacked out yesterday, Y/N-ah,” Yeonwoo hummed, eating her milk bread, “yeah, Unnie probably slept like a rock!” She chuckled when she spotted professor Lee outside making his way to campus.

“Still on bad terms with professor Lee?” Yeonwoo mumbled, drinking her hot cocoa, you nodded and looked around. “Hey, why are you so quiet today, Unnie? Did something happen with professor Lee yesterday?” You recalled the way he tried to convince you to drop out as you shook your head, typing notes on your laptop as you had several tabs opened. You fell asleep yesterday so you forgot to do some research regarding your group presentation.

“–Ms. Park Y/N,” professor Lee knocked on your table as you looked up, meeting his gaze. “Yes… professor Lee?” You said as he scoffed, “after the first module, come and see me in my meeting room, it’s urgent.” He informed you as Youngji and Yeonwoo giggled. “Any progress on how the group presentation is going? Specifically, your part,” he tilted his head, looking at you, “I’m on it, don’t worry, you won’t be disappointed, Sir.” You replied, looking at him before showing your laptop and your written notes, he scoffed, “I see, good luck to you then.” He smiled before walking away.

“Yah, enough about homework and sociology… Anyways, are you coming to Hongdae’s nightclub tonight?” Youngji cooed, wrapping an arm around you as Yeonwoo leaned in, “oh that sounds tempting, Youngji,” she giggled, you sighed heavily and thought deeply.

If you weren’t so bombarded with professor Lee’s sadistic assignments and unfair treatment towards you and along with Nakamoto-nim’s load of paperwork and overworking you like crazy, you wouldn’t feel so bad and guilty about going to nightclubs.  

“Sure. Why not? You’re DJ-ing tonight right Youngji?” You giggled, closing your laptop, “yeah exactly, I’m going to light that place on fire too,” she smirked as Yeonwoo smiled, “that’s nice, let’s eat dinner and meet my place then we can get ready together,” she added as you nodded, “sweet, that’s a deal, ladies!” You smiled happily, excited at the thought of partying and letting loose tonight.

It’s not like you were bad with money or in debt, you didn’t grow up in poverty either… just a broke, alcoholic, and gambling dad. You spent most of your youth and childhood with your mother, however, your teenage and high school years went by living with your dad. Being an only child and having divorced parents as if life didn’t just hand you the biggest ‘fuck you’.

You sighed, carrying the plastic bags of groceries upstairs. You would mostly survive off junk and convenience food, if you were lucky fast food as a luxury meal. You cleaned your tiny kitchen and stacked your shelf full of cans of tuna, packs of noodles, and crispy seaweed. You organized your refrigerator and got rid of the expired milk, replacing it with a fresh and newly bought one.

“I should stop by the street market tomorrow for some fresh fruits and veggies, it’ll be cheaper that way.” You smiled to yourself, super satisfied with the grocery haul.

Although you were always struggling emotionally or even financially, you would never show anyone that you were having a hard time or dare to ask anyone for money.

“Mhm, what should we get Yuka-chan?” Nakamoto cooed, pushing the cart as she hummed, “mmm, I don’t know the prices for fruits have gotten so expensive, it’s even cheaper in Japan,” Yuka sighed, looking at green grapes as he chuckled, “you can get whatever you want, money’s not a problem, Sweetie,” he hugged her as she giggled, hugging him. “Fine, I’ll get the cantaloupe melon because it’s my favorite fruit~”

He cut a tiny piece of the medium-rare steak as he ate it. “How does the steak taste? Is it good?” She asked as Mr. Lee nodded, “yeah, it’s alright. Mrs. Hooker?” He looked at her, “yes, Taeyong-Oppa?” She cooed, leaning in, “why don’t you eat dinner with your husband?” He wiped his lips, “because he’s not as handsome as you are, Oppa~” Mrs. Hooker giggled before looking at him with a flirty gaze. “Refrain yourself from calling me, Oppa. I strongly dislike informality when I’m not close with you.” He scoffed, rolling his eyes as he took a sip of his red wine.

“–Seriously, why didn’t you tell me that you had rejected your beloved girlfriend’s proposal last year?” Mrs. Hooker cooed, resting her chin on her palm, “because my personal life and private matters don’t concern you, Mrs. Hooker.” Taeyong snapped, glaring at her, “thanks for the meal though,”  he said before thanking her and leaving. “W-wait up, what about dessert? Taeyong-ssi…” She said desperately, “I’m not really a fan of sweet stuff,” he replied and stood up, walking away as she frowned.

It’s not like you were going to impress those despicable men anyways, doing your paperwork or assignments on time - wasn’t going to change how they both looked down on you or how they treated you with little to no respect. So this night was going to free you from all your stress.

“Your hands around my waist, just let the music play. We’re hand in hand, chest to chest, and now, we’re face to face!” Yeonwoo sang, putting her hands in the air as Youngji DJ’ed, “I wanna take you away. Let's escape into the music, DJ, let it play. I just can't refuse it like the way you do this. Keep on rockin' to it. Please don't stop the, please don't stop the music~ I wanna take you away~” You sang loudly, holding your glass in the air as the guys chuckled, seeing you two sing Rihanna’s Don’t Stop the Music.

“Whoo!~” You screamed, cheering your glass of peach Soju with Yeonwoo and Youngji, “that was super awesome, Youngji,” she said, smiling at her. “Thanks, Babe, man I haven’t seen Unnie as lively and loud as tonight,” you giggled, belting your drink as you wrapped your arms around them. “My two girls… I love you so much~” They laughed at the tipsiness that was getting to you.

“Any cute guys?” Youngji cooed as Yeonwoo shook her head, “who would go for someone this loud and drunk?” She replied sassily, “mhm, I’m not so loud, Yeonie~” you whined, hugging her arm. “Heh-heh, come on - wanna help me remix?” Youngji chuckled, nodding as you gladly followed her, blueberry Soju in your hand.

“This next shit is for the girls only, so boys keep it lowkey,” Youngji announced into her microphone as she started to scratch the disc, you clapped your hands as G! Remix by Lil Cherry ft. HYO started playing. “G! G! G! G! Come on Unnie, LET’S GO PYE!” She yelled, hyping up the crowd as you danced, singing along loudly Yeonwoo put her hands into the air as all the girls and women started dancing. Everyone started hyping Youngji up as she started rapping Hyo’s part, “whoo! Go Youngji!” You yelled as Yeonwoo got you a bottle of strawberry Soju as you belted it halfway through it.

Party Rock Anthem by LMFAO, Lauren Bennett, Goonrock. You already finished your third bottle of Soju as you got up from your stool, “holy shit! This song is my shit, move it bitches!” You yelled as the dance floor cleared, you started walking up and you began dancing like crazy, “party rock is in the house tonight!” You sang loudly as Youngji turned on the volume as everyone clapped and yelled, making you the center of the dance circle.

“Woo! You go girl!” Some guy yelled, blushing as you winked at him, “everybody just have a good time~!” Yeonwoo sang her arm around you. “And we gon' make you lose your mind~!” The crowd sang as you vividly remember this to be one of your best nights ever. The guy moved closer, seeing how you did your iconic robot dance, “my name’s Richard by the way, I’m Korean-American, I was wondering if I could get your number by any chance?”

To think that woman would actually change for once… only to spot her at some nightclub in Hongdae. Taeyong scoffed, seeing the center of attention and how drunk you were.

He took a sip of his Whiskey, poking the insides of his cheek and propping his hand to his head. Very annoyed by the guy asking for your number as he observed you from afar. “Nope, she’s not going home with any of you fuckboys~” Yeonwoo smiled, holding you back as you were starting to get flirty around a group of guys. “Mommy, I need to use the bathroom,” you giggled, walking away, “you sure that you’ll be okay on your own, Unnie?” Youngji yelled as you waved, “yeah, yeah… be right back~” you laughed, walking into the bathroom and using the toilet, you washed your hands before staring at yourself in the mirror.

“Fuck… I’m getting so drowsy, I could fall asleep…” You closed your eyes, sighing deeply as your head started to hurt. You went out when you bumped into a random man, “sorry…” You hummed, squinting your eyes as the voice speaking sounded rather familiar, “don’t apologize, but don’t you have something better to do than party all night here?” Professor Lee scoffed as you held onto his arms.

“Mmh… who are you…?” You hummed, smiling as you got a blurry glimpse of his face, “I’ll be waiting for you, hurry up and kiss me.” He cooed temptingly into your ear as you blushed red. “I would but you’re the type of guy to already have a mistress…” You hummed sassily as he pulled you closer, “what a naughty girl,” professor Lee rubbed your lower back, “you look so fucking beautiful, be careful out there.” He leaned in kissing your forehead when he saw your two friends approaching, “got to go Babygirl, but next time don’t forget about me.” He smirked before quickly leaving, “there you are, Unnie!” Youngji wrapped an arm around you.

“Are you okay?” Yeonwoo asked as you mumbled, “I feel I saw professor Lee,” you hummed. “Professor Lee? Are you joking, why would he even be here, Y/N-ah you’re so drunk,” Yeonwoo cackled as Youngji stared at her, “yah, you’re just as drunk as she is, maybe she’s right,” she replied, seeing a man leaving the nightclub.

“Good morning, everyone, I hope you are all refreshed and that you’ve prepared yourself for this test.” Professor Lee said, smiling and placing a stack of papers on the desk. “This test will determine your grades but also think of it as an important lesson to yourself. If you failed or scored a lower grade then you should ask yourself - if this Sociology degree is something for you, or not…” He fixed his tie as all the students looked at each other.

What’s with him, is he threatening or lecturing us again…? He’s acting so weird today.

You shrugged off your shoulders, “everyone, please don’t piss your pants, I’m sure we’ll all do well on this test. After all, we're the best, don’t forget that.” You said cockingly, crossing your arms as professor Lee met your fierce gaze as everyone cheered.

Goddess of Yonsei’s University, huh…? Taeyong thought to himself before scoffing in annoyance.

“Er-hmm, let’s begin,” he said, handing the stacks of paper as they were gradually passed to everyone. “You have one hour and 45 minutes to finish. The test begins now.” Professor Lee announced, setting a timer as he took a sip of his black coffee. You sighed, looking through the pages, searching for the hardest questions to answer first. Your level of concentration was high, you didn’t want to leave Yonsei University like professor Lee suggested to you a few days ago.

“Alright, please put your pencils away. It’s time for your group presentations.” Professor Lee said as you put your test away, “how did it go?” Yeonwoo whispered to you collecting the stacks of papers, “it was alright, I’ve answered all questions.” You replied, setting your hair in a ponytail as you caught his attention. “–Alright, since this group has two topics to cover and an interesting student on board. We’ll start with group 3: poverty and workers’ rights.” He smirked, seeing you sigh as you took your laptop and notes with you.

“Yonsei’s Goddess, huh?” A guy whispered to his friends. “I can’t believe she’s in a group with a bunch of losers and slackers!” A girl giggled, whispering as Yeonwoo stared at them. “Alright, so our main case is about poverty and workers’ rights, and this is the list of methods we’ve used for this presentation.” You hummed, connecting your laptop with the Smartboard and showing your PowerPoint presentation. “We’ve decided to use statistics and interviews to get more concrete and diverse results for poverty,” the girl presented, reading from her piece of paper. A few minutes had passed as everyone had presented their parts, it was finally your turn to finish off and demonstrate the methods professor Lee had assigned to you.

Professor Lee watched you close, expecting you to disappoint him as the selected methods weren’t going to work or assist you. Instead, it was a test to see if you would fall for his traps…

“Professor Lee told me to make use of primary sources and field research. Although they didn’t quite give me the results I needed. However, they were somewhat still useful.” You smiled, looking directly into his eyes.

“Primary sources are often used in history as a way of highlighting your arguments and ideas, you may ask what does history have to do with poverty and workers’ rights?” You shrugged, clicking on your laptop, “–when in fact it has a lot to do with the past and present, having done only primary sources wouldn’t be enough to prove my point. So I decided to add a comparative method alongside it - to get better results.” You explained, showing your statistics and pictures.

“For my field research, I went to Guryong in Gangnam on my own to observe and experience the ‘poorest place’ in Seoul. To my surprise, I found out that the poor people living in the slum; Guryong, were people forced out of poor residents or their houses as a result of redevelopments.” You showed your interviews with the people and articles.

After speaking and proudly presenting your part, you finally concluded the presentation and bowed along with your group mates. “Very well, please give a round of applause to group 3 and their splendid group work.” Professor Lee said as everyone clapped and cheered, Yeonwoo smiled signaling a ‘you did well’ to you as you smiled. “Please, applaud Ms. Park Y/N for her incredible and exceptional execution of research and delivery.” He smiled softly as you scoffed proudly. 

A week went by as Mr. Lee sent you an email regarding your test results, you walked down the long hallway as you made your way to the lecture hall.

You finished your last classes for the day, Mr. Lee had asked to meet here again to discuss your test results.

You went inside the lecture hall as professor Lee stood there by his desk, awaiting you. “You’re finally here,” Mr. Lee scoffed softly as you walked up to him. “If it’s about that test, then don’t bother. ‘Cause I already know what you’re going to say.” You replied cockily as he hummed. “So you knew how bad you did,” he stated as you crossed your arms. “Is it a D?” You hummed, looking at him cluelessly.

“It’s an F, Ms. Y/N.” You sighed at the biggest and deepest disappointment in yourself. It seemed like you had lost the bet and now you will have to actually drop out. “Will you let me retake the test, professor Lee?” You asked in pure desperation. “Heh, do you know why you lost the bet?” Professor Lee demanded, holding your F-graded piece of paper, “it’s because you lack passion and patience, many students like you always rush and do things half-assed.” He scoffed, placing it down on the desk as you were silent. “What shame indeed,” he let out a sigh as you were hopeless.

No way around it, huh? Goodbye, Yonsei University…

“I understand professor Lee…” You mumbled sheepishly as he looked at you closely. “It can’t be helped, I can’t change you or force you to change. I can only convince you,” he replied, his tone sounding rather sad than disappointed. “There’s not a single thing I could do to change my final grade, professor Lee…?” You fluttered your eyes and pressed your lips together, leaning against his desk as his eyes looked at you down and up.

You were wearing a dark blue cropped blouse and underneath it, a white button-up shirt, paired with a short blue denim skirt along with a pair of black heels. “There’s one thing. But you may not be up for the task.” Professor Lee scoffed, taking a close look at your maroon-hot lips. “What is it then, Mr. Lee?” You asked desperately, leaning closer as he adjusted his glasses before sighing deeply and recalling the many fanboys you have.

Wouldn’t it be awful if a guy snatched Yonsei’s one and only hottest Goddess? Yeah, so many guys would be jealous and furious the day Park Y/N is taken!

“–Get down on your knees and suck me off.” Professor Lee took his glasses off and demanded, unbuttoning his pants as you stared at him in utter disbelief. “No way in hell am I going to do that! Are you out of your mind?” You scoffed, crossing your arms as he grabbed you by the chin, caressing your soft luscious lips with his thumb, he sat on the chair, “then drop out. You decide, Park Y/N.” He chuckled, leaning back as he was clearly using this to his advantage, leaving you weak and hopeless.

But… you were desperate… such a small and dirty request for your dear Yonsei University and your beloved Sociology bachelor's degree. What other options did you have…?

You sighed deeply, nodding as you locked eyes with him. “Fine… I’ll do it.” You said, slowly tying your hair in a high ponytail, “don’t get used to this, Lee,” you glared, leaning forward and close to his torso. “Oh, don’t worry - I won’t,” Professor smirked, you tugged some hair behind your ear as he cupped your cheek as his thumb rubbed your bottom lip.

Whatever dignity and shame left in your body was completely gone as you decided on this damned decision.

You lifted your blouse and sighed as professor Lee smirked, seeing you act so obedient and submissive. “Smart decision, Ms. Park,” he cooed, pulling his pants down as you saw the hard bulge in his black Celine briefs, you kneeled in front of him. “Professor Lee…” You looked up, unbuttoning your shirt and leaving it on top of his desk as your chest was visible.

“Go ahead and suck me off, Y/N,” He demanded as you nodded, licking a soft stripe of his big veiny cock as you felt beyond humiliated and degraded. You closed your eyes and began licking him, you tasted a few drops of his precum as you looked up, fluttering your eyes. It tasted so light and super salty, you rubbed your hands on his size, gently stroking it as he let out a few moans. “Professor has such a big one…” You blushed, placing small kisses on his length. Your one hand caressed and rubbed his balls as the other one, kept stroking and petting his cock. “Fuck, that feels nice, Y/N…” He groaned, closing his eyes as he stuck his tongue out.

You licked your lips and started sucking small spots of his cock as you eventually sucked on his red sensitive tip. “Professor Lee, mmh… mmh…” You mumbled as he hissed at the way you sucked his tip like a popsicle. Now you had completely doused him in your warm and wet saliva.

“Ahh… Fuck, good girl,” professor Lee cussed, staring at you as he pulled your ponytail, “mmh… mmh…” you mumbled, taking all of his cock inside your mouth as you were sucking him deeply. “See, how good you are when you’re listening to me?” He scoffed, moving inside your mouth as you looked at him all irritated by his remark. “Seeing you quiet and mouth full of my fucking cock, feels really nice, Y/N,” he cooed, throwing his head back as you started to deep-throat him. It wasn’t an awkward and regretful feeling anymore as you kept going, you started to gradually and slowly enjoy this. “Goodness, who has taught you to give such good head, Y/N?~” He cooed, observing you closely as he was truly fascinated by how far you were willing to go.

You didn’t know what drove you like this anymore. Whether it was the long built-up and strong hatred you had for him since the semester first started. Or whether it was the fact that it was so wrong and messed up in so many ways to be doing this in the first place. As a result of listening to him so obediently by simply sucking his big cock off. You just didn’t care anymore, your only target was to please him, and this time you just couldn’t run away from him.

He arched his back as he stood up, fucking your mouth and you gasped, feeling him pull your hair. “Yeah, that’s the spot Y/N, keep going like that, for me,” professor Lee panted as you were gagging on his cock, tears forming as his balls slapped your chin several times. “Fuck!” He yelled, cumming inside your mouth as your bra and chest were covered in his hot sticky semen. “Professor Lee…” You panted, looking up exhaustively as he smirked, “well done, Ms. Y/N,” you panted, trying to catch your breath after just having given the most intense blowjob ever to a man.

“Take that bra off, let me see them,” he growled, rubbing his tip against your laced fabric. You blushed red, looking at him deeply as you slowly unclasped your bra, letting it fall to your lap, you also loosened your hair from the tight ponytail, “ohh professor Lee…” You moaned, feeling his warm cock spread the semen all over your breasts.

I can’t believe it, I got sucked off by the university’s most loved girl. I never knew she’d look so pretty, half-naked right in front of me like this…

“N-nngh, ahh…” You whimpered, feeling him rub his tip against your sensitive nipple, “they’re C+, aren’t they?” You winced as he bit his lips, rubbing in between your soft breasts as you felt him clearly enjoy this. “Professor…” You begged as he was fucking your breasts with his cock. “Such nice titties, for a young lady,” he chuckled cockingly as you whined. “You’re so mean and unbelievable…” You squeezed him tightly, feeling his cock throb at the pure excitement of your warm breasts. “Just a little more, never thought it would feel this good, Y/N.” Professor Lee bit his lips as he was rubbing himself up and down.

A few minutes had passed as your hands were rubbing and jerking his cock off, your hand stroked his length up and down. He rubbed his tip against your right nipple as you whined, this type of pleasure was your weak point and you could swear that you were getting wet. Mr. Lee came again as he sloshed his cum on your breasts, “clean me up, Y/N,” he hissed as you hummed, sucking and licking him clean as he spoke. “You’re so beautiful, Y/N.” Your knees were sore from kneeling down, pleasing and sucking him off. You rolled your neck as he helped you stand up. He placed you on top of his desk as you looked at him while blushing slightly. Looking at professor Lee up close and without his glasses was so dangerously attractive and hot.

“Here, let me clean your breasts,” professor Lee said, wiping them down with wet wipes from his drawer as you were surprised by this sort of aftercare from him. Usually he would belittle or even scold you but seeing this soft side of him today made you feel something different. He kissed them as he picked up your laced bra from the floor, “let me put it on you,” he insisted, closing it as you leaned forward.

“Professor Lee?” You looked at him deeply, “mhm?” You leaned in kissing him deeply, he wanted to reject your unexpected kiss but couldn’t. The feeling of your soft plump lips was his only weakness.

“Thank you for giving me another chance…” You said shyly, bowing your head as you smiled brightly. “Mhm, no need to thank me, you’re an exceptional and talented student,” he confessed, leaning for another kiss as you hummed, wrapping your arms around him as the kisses gradually led to you two making out. “Thank you, professor Lee…” You panted as he looked down at your silver piercing. “Mhm, then don’t disappoint me anymore, Y/N.” He scoffed softly, smiling a little as you chuckled. “I won’t, professor.” You leaned in kissing him deeply as he held you close, “mmh-mmh… ohh, Mr. Lee,” you whined, feeling him passionately make out with you.

It shouldn’t be like this… Making out with your professor shouldn’t feel this intense and so great. But it did…

You were both panting and groaning when he rubbed your thigh. “Just relax, enjoy it, I’m not punishing you anymore,” he cooed as you blushed red, feeling his warm tongue press against yours as you winced, he swallowed your moans. Your maroon lipstick was almost completely smeared off as professor Lee chuckled, making out with you softly. “Mmh… professor Lee…” You whined, grasping onto his shoulder as you felt his hand inside your panties. He kissed you deeply, licking your jawline as you arched your back all of a sudden.

“–To think that you despise me but yet still get so wet after sucking me off~” professor cooed as you moaned, “one day, you’ll let me fuck this sweet pussy,” he smirked as you wrapped your legs around him, feeling him finger you deeply. “Ahh… Mr. Lee… don’t…” You begged, feeling him rub and graze your sensitive clit with his thumb. “No one has touched you like this before have they?” You nodded, feeling completely turned on by his veiny hand, he gently stroked your labia. “Please… Don’t stop.” You whined, closing your eyes as his hands worked like real magic to you, he smirked at your desperate request, “I don’t plan on it, don’t worry, Babygirl.” He kissed your lips in reassurance, sticking a finger inside your pussy as you moaned.

“These male students suck in bed, I know all about it; overhearing your conversations with Yeonwoo. It made me laugh,” he chuckled as you scoffed, “professor Lee you’re such a sadist,” you moaned, “mhm, I may be one. But you like that don’t you?~” he cooed, inserting a second finger inside your pussy, “mmh… professor…” You whined, throwing your head back as he curled his fingers before shoving a third finger inside, you gasped, nodding eagerly. “I like it so much, professor Lee,” you pleaded as he smirked, “I’ll make you feel good, Y/N,” you mewled loudly, feeling your orgasm near, “just call me Taeyong, Beautiful,” he smirked as you bit on your bottom lip. “After all, I’m the only man who can make you feel this good,” Taeyong whispered as you blushed red.

You were panting heavily as he looked under your skirt, he slid your panties down as you whimpered, and you felt his warm tongue touch your pussy roughly,  “mmh… Taeyong, it’s so embarrassing…” You whined, feeling him suck on your labia, “mhm, don’t be, you have such a pretty pink pussy, Baby,” he cooed before kissing you as he went back under again. Taeyong began coating your pussy in his wet saliva as you moaned, holding his head as he gave it a few rough licks. “Mhm, mhm,” he hummed before sucking on your clit as you winced. “Taeyong…” You closed your eyes in frustration as he began eating you out.

The way he pleased you was going to drive you crazy, you were nearing your climax too. You pulled his hair and began rocking forward to the rhythm of his mouth. He placed his hand on the inside of your thigh, two fingers on your pussy as he spread your lips. He shoved his tongue in your pussy as he moved it inside thoroughly and roughly. “Aah… Ahh… Professor!” You moaned, before climaxing as he pulled back to look at you. “Mhm, what a pretty girl,” Taeyong cooed as you held your skirt up a little to let him taste and drink your cum.

He lifted his head and licked your cum off his fingers, “professor Taeyong, that felt so incredible…” He kissed you deeply, letting you taste yourself. “You taste so sweet, Baby,” Taeyong smirked, licking his lips as you hugged him closely. He wiped your thighs clean as you hummed happily. You began dressing slowly as he buckled his pants, “you’re such a pretty lady,” he cooed, stroking his hand on your torso as he sat down again and admired your tattoos.

You blushed at his sweet compliment, pulling your panties up as you sat on his lap. He looked at you deeply before kissing you, “mmh, professor…” You hummed, feeling him make out with you as his hand fondled your right breast, “mhm, Y/N…” Taeyong sighed before placing you on top of the desk again and taking your nipple inside his mouth, you threw your head back as you patted his hair.

“Ooh… Taeyong…” You moaned, feeling him suck on your nipple so roughly. You rubbed your legs together as he was motorboating your breasts like crazy. “You’re such a pervert…” You whined, feeling him shake, grope and fondle your breasts. “Mhm, I know, Baby,” Taeyong cooed before popping your left nipple into his mouth and sucking on it. You moaned loudly as you hugged him close, getting super wet by this. Finally, he pulled back before standing up and looking into your eyes, you both made out deeply and passionately.

You felt nothing but pure and intense hatred for this man… But right now you only desired him, you wanted him and needed him…

“Professor… Aah… Taeyong…” You were panting, grinding against his boner as Taeyong was rubbing and squeezing your asscheeks, “keep going, Baby,” he made out with you aggressively, “ooh, professor… if I keep going I’m going to–” he interrupted you with a deep kiss, “–squirt again? Let me see it Babygirl,” he ground roughly against the warmth in your panties as you grasped onto him.

“You have no idea how much I like you,” Taeyong scoffed, hoisting you onto the desk again. “Ooh, Taeyong…” You cupped his cheek as he pulled your skirt down, you continued grinding against his hard bulge as you were only left on your panties and bra. “Taeyong, you make me so good,” you moaned, placing a hand into his boxers as you stroked him impatiently. “Mhm, let me see how pretty this girl looks when you squirt,” he cooed, softly tugging your panties down as he touched you roughly.

“So wet, hmm,” he made out with you as you were jerking him off until he came a third time. You licked your fingers, totally greedy for his cum as you finally squirted, Taeyong watched it drip from your pussy as he smirked, “truly a pretty sight, Baby,” he cooed before diving down to lick your juices.

 “Thank you so much, Taeyong,” you expressed, kissing him and hopping off his desk. “Come see me if you have any problems, Y/N.” He said, putting his glasses on as he was going to change your grades. “Yes professor Lee,” you nodded when he stood up and pulled you close into a passionate kiss, “mhm, be careful on your way home, Babygirl.” He hummed, cupping your cheek as you nodded, “mmh, I will, thank you, professor Lee,” you thanked him and bowed before taking your leave.

It was 4:45 PM as you left the campus, your thoughts full of your professor. You sighed, playing Like a Cat by AOA in your headphones as you took the bus, heading home.

You couldn’t help but giggle at the thought of sucking Taeyong off in exchange for a better grade, but nothing in this world surprises you anymore. You hummed, blushing red just at the thought of doing it another time.

In the lecture hall, professor Lee Taeyong would always scold you for not paying attention, he made you feel so small and stupid. But today was different, he embraced you and he looked only at you. He desired you and his warmth was enough for you. “Just relax, enjoy it, I’m not punishing you anymore.” That sweet and comforting voice was so reassuring, you felt deeply loved and needed.

🎶Oh talk to me, oh lead me, oh kiss Baby🎶 You hummed, smiling and resting your head against the window.

Professor Lee smirked at the sight of your test, waving the papers to himself in his office. “You’re so full of surprises, Park Y/N.”

“–What is it, Mrs. Hooker?” Mr. Lee scoffed, fixing his tie as he was about to leave the faculty room, “why can’t you treat me to a nice dinner?” She whispered, flashing her chest as he looked away annoyedly, “cut it out Hooker, you’re not my type and I don’t plan on sleeping with you.” He walked past her as she held his arm.

“I heard you and that girl inside your classroom; once I find out who you fucked I will take legal action against you.” Mrs. Hooker threatened as he glared at her. “Try anything funny, and you’ll never see me work here again, so don’t fucking test me.” Taeyong threatened her as he left.

You walked inside the elevator, humming happily as Mr. Nakamoto noticed your cheerful mood, “good evening, Nakamoto-nim!” You bowed and smiled, “good evening Ms. Park. You seem rather optimistic today,” he pressed the 10th floor as it closed. “Oh, you think so?” You giggled, blushing slightly as he chuckled, seeing the visible hickey on your collarbones, “mhm, you seem happier today,” he walked out as you followed him to his office.

“Well done on the task, I let you work under Mr. Watanabe Haruto and Ms. Hirai Momo from now on.” Nakamoto smiled, handing you an envelope. “Wow, is this my paycheck?” You gasped, taking a look inside, “mhm, the Tinder advertisement was a huge success thanks to you,” he folded his arms in amusement, “keep up the good work, Ms. Park.” You bowed and thanked him deeply.

“Looks like someone’s in a good mood, today,” Ms. Im smiled, seeing how enthusiastically you worked at your desk, “yeah, Nayeon-Unnie didn’t you know?” Ms. Myoui giggled, showing the statistics for the advertisement, “Ms. Y/N made a win with her ideas on this one,” she was in awe, seeing the video, and patted your shoulder. “Wow, Ms. Park good job!” Ms. Im nodded as Ms. Myoui chuckled.

“Alright, so we’ll be having a client today,” Ms. Hirai informed you and Ms. Im as the three of you were working inside her office. “Mr. Jung Hyungdon, a banker, huh?” You hummed, carefully reading the client’s descriptions and his request. “I and Ms. Im are going to greet him, but this meeting will be held with the three of us.” She said, gathering the papers as you nodded, “yes, Hirai-Senpai.” She smiled, hearing you use Japanese.

“Hello Mr. Jung Hyungdon and welcome to our advertisement agency.” Ms. Hirai greeted him as he shook her hand, “a pleasure meeting you again, Momo,” he said informally as she tilted her head in confusion, “I believe we should avoid formalities now that I’m going to be a regular client for your agency,” he chuckled, hugging Ms. Im all of a sudden. “And you must be…?” He took a quick look at you, “I’m Park Y/N,” you bowed, staring at him. Mr. Nakamoto walked out to greet him.

You all headed down and out for a team dinner. “Ah, so you’re finally here, great!” Mr. Jung rubbed your back and wrapped an arm around Ms. Hirai. Let’s go and get dinner together, we can discuss much better that way, hahaha!” He laughed loudly as you removed his arm. “What’s wrong with her?” Jung scoffed seeing you behave. You walked next to Ms. Myoui, “I don’t trust him, he seems rather rude,” you whispered. “What? He’s an important client to us…” She whispered, looking back as he had both his arms wrapped around Ms. Hirai and Ms. Im.

“Mr. Jung, please refrain from physically touching my coworkers, I had to fire two former workers because of this issue.” Mr. Nakamoto scoffed, staring at him as he nodded, “sorry, sorry.” He mumbled, letting go of them.

This was your first time actually eating team dinner with the whole crew. You were eager to see what you would be eating.

“I hope you don’t mind Thai food today,” Nakamoto said, holding the menu cart as your eyes widened, looking through the menu in excitement. “Found something, you like Y/N-ssi?” Ms. Im giggled, “I’ve never had Thai food in Seoul before…” You hummed, thinking about picking the Chicken Pad Thai. “Wow, great choice, Ms. Park,” Ms. Myoui smiled and spoke, “I think I’ll go with the Thai Red Curry with chicken.” Mr. Jung looked over at you, noticing the hickey on your neck, and scoffed. “Hmm, I’ll choose the Tom Yum soup,” Ms. Im added, “alright, then I’ll pick the Beef Massaman Curry,” Ms. Hirai smiled, “Boss, what will you have?” She asked, looking over as he hummed, “the Coconut Chicken soup looks delicious, so I’ll take that.” 

“Alright has everyone ordered?” Nakamoto placed the menu cart down before calling the waiter as everyone nodded, “yes, Sir what would you like to order?” He asked, looking at you all. “Please excuse me, I will just go wash my hands,” you said and bowed, “wait, Y/N-ssi, let me join you too!” Ms. Im mumbled, getting up from her seat.

“My, is that a hickey on your collarbones?” She giggled poking it as you pulled out your foundation, “I didn’t notice it earlier, that’s probably why Nakamoto-nim laughed earlier…” You mumbled, covering it. “Ah, you didn’t need to use the toilet, Im-Sunbae?” You tilted your head. “No, I actually didn’t need to go but I just needed a reason to escape from that creep, Mr. Jung,” she scoffed, washing her hands. “I feel bad for Momo, he’s probably all up on her right now.”

“So it’s all women tonight, huh? How nice~” Mr. Jung chuckled, looking at us. “Yeah, Mr. Watabane and Mr. Adachi had some business related to take care of,” Mr. Nakamoto replied,  taking a sip of water when his phone suddenly rang. “Please excuse me,” he bowed before answering the call, “ah hello, Dori-Ani,” he chuckled, smiling and walking away. 

“So how long has this Y/N been working here?” Jung demanded, finishing his beer as Ms. Myoui scoffed before answering, “about two years this summer, why?” He chuckled, “I see that’s why she’s so rude and mean. She’s not gentle and sweet like Momo~” he chuckled, wrapping an arm around her as she clearly felt uncomfortable. “–Yah! Didn’t Nakamoto-nim tell you not to keep your distance?” You yelled, staring at him in disbelief as Ms. Im glared at him as he moved his hand away. “Aish, I forgot, sorry, okay?” Jung scoffed as the food arrived.

“Ah, where’s Boss?” You asked, looking around as you noticed him around the corner speaking on the phone, “Ms. Y/N could you please get me a bottle of ginger ale in the fridge?” Myoui asked as you nodded, standing up, “–get me a bottle of beer too.” He scoffed, looking away as you rolled your eyes.

You walked over to get the drinks when you overheard him speak again. “You know this is why I prefer Japanese women like Momo and Mina, you two are quiet and submissive unlike that bitch,” Ms. Hirai mumbled, “quiet and submissive, just what do you mean by that?” Ms. Im scoffed, crossing her arms, “don’t call Y/N-ssi a bitch just because she dislikes you,” she glared at him. “The three of us all despise you but only hold back because you’re a very important client.” Ms. Myoui frowned, “also refrain from addressing us by our first names, I don’t feel comfortable with clients using informalities.”

You came back with a bottle of ginger ale for her, “here you go, Ms. Myoui,” you smiled, handing her the drink, “thank you, Ms. Park.” Jung scoffed, staring at you, “and where’s my fucking beer?” You sat down, raising an eyebrow, “your drink? Didn’t you just call me a bitch? A really bad bitch like me doesn’t take orders from strangers.” You scoffed as Hirai chuckled. “Aish, you damn wench, you’re a real bad influence to your superiors here!” Jung yelled, pointing at you. “You made Ms. Myoui so cold, Ms. Im so bold, and Ms. Hirai so distant!” He scoffed, getting up and shaking his head.

“Right, I’ll see you tomorrow then,” Nakamoto said before hanging up and walking back to the table.

“Me and Hirai were just getting along so well together… Was going to ask for her number–” Jung scoffed as you got up and slapped him. “You dirty scumbag! You’re no important client! You’re just a huge pervert!” You yelled as he rubbed his cheek, “Ms. Park, what’s going on?” Mr. Nakamoto asked, looking at you, “Boss, this client’s a huge fucker!” You said and pointed at him, “I’m never going to work with you again, you have a lot of crazy bitches in this agency!” Mr. Jung said before storming out of the restaurant.

The rest of the evening you enjoyed the team dinner, no one said a word as it was awkwardly and awfully quiet after what just occurred. “Let’s say it’s this for today, everyone I’ll see you tomorrow.” Mr. Nakamoto said, paying the bill as we stood outside the restaurant. You bowed to the three of them, “–and Ms. Park, you and I in my office. I believe we need a serious talk,” he scoffed as you nodded, following him back to the building.

You explained exactly what happened but it seemed to Nakamoto-nim that you were telling lies. Even though you weren’t, he pushed you onto his black leather couch.

“Don’t look at me like that…” You said as he tied his black tie around your wrists, “not my fault or problem here,” Yuta scoffed, pissed off by your attitude, “now tell me, why did you slap that client?” You tilted your head in annoyance, “I already told you, he was being unreasonable, super disrespectful to Hirai-Senpai and Im-Sunbae.” You sneered. “Fuck, you’re so bad, you stubborn woman,” he hissed, glaring at you as he was above you. “I’m going to punish you, Park Y/N.” He scoffed, lifting your blouse as your chest and lingerie bra were revealed.

It seemed like this time you really angered Nakamoto-nim. There was no way out of this except listening to his orders and warnings… This wasn’t really fazing you as much as you feared.

“Please don’t be so harsh on me, Nakamoto-nim…” You blushed, giving in to his weird way of punishing you, “tch, shut up.” Nakamoto scoffed, “you know how scary I can get - don’t you?” He shook his head as his hand grabbed your chin, making you look directly at him, you frowned, rubbing your thighs together. “Aren’t you fearing what I might end up doing to you, Y/N?” He tilted his head, studying your weak expression as you looked at him deeply.

It was weird, normally you would’ve been startled in this kind of situation, it’s a random man after all. Is he just going to fuck you into behaving better? Your head was full of dirty and wrong thoughts. But somehow CEO Nakamoto Yuta punishing you wasn’t nearly as bad as you thought, maybe it’s because you secretly like being punished…

“Because it’s you, then I’m not afraid. Just do whatever you want to my body, I trust you…” You mumbled, biting your bottom lip and blushing slightly as he scoffed, “what a stubborn woman,” he was annoyed with your answers, he lowered himself, meeting you with a deep and passionate kiss, you were taken back by his sudden change of character. You closed your eyes, not rejecting him at all.

Tch, to think this woman trusts me enough to make love to her, how unbelievable…

“Mmh-mmh, Nakamoto-nim…” You hummed, feeling him make out with you deeply. Then he pulled back and rubbed your lips with his thumb, carefully glancing at them, “–you make it so hard for me… to hate you.” He sucked his teeth, before roughly kissing your neck as your eyes widened in surprise, leaning in for another kiss and deepening it. “–You hate me?” You mumbled as you felt helpless still being tied like this he sighed, letting go of your wrists, and hummed in relief.

“You’re always protecting everyone around you, not thinking twice about yourself.” Nakamoto scoffed, caressing your cheek as he looked at you deeply. “Selfless and kind-hearted people like you… People are going to take advantage of that, Princess,” he cooed, smirking as you patted his chest, causing him to look at your hand as he took it before kissing it.

One more sentence, just once more… Tell me that you truly despise me and I’ll stop tormenting you. Nakamoto thought to himself.

“–If it's you that’s going to take advantage of me, then go ahead, Nakamoto-nim.” You confessed, sitting up to kiss him deeply, he hummed making out with him as you unbuttoned his shirt. You admired his sexy tattoos, you saw that silver piercing as you were surprised, “mhm, like what you see, Princess?~” He cooed, making out with you, “mmh, I love it, you’re so sexy, Boss,” you hummed, blushing red as he pulled the blouse off you.

I can’t seem to fight back the feelings, I got you. And from now on only look at me.

“You’re so full of surprises, Nakamoto-nim, didn’t know you would be the type to have tattoos and even a belly button piercing…” You hummed, feeling him kiss your breasts as he caressed the laced fabric of your bra. “Mhm, at least you’re better than me, covering them with foundation while at work, hmm?” Nakamoto cooed, fondling your breast as you moaned.

“Aah… Yeah, I didn’t want to risk getting fired - if anyone caught me having tattoos. Your stupid rule of no-tattoos policy makes zero sense.” You rolled your eyes, frowning, “mhm, I didn’t implement that rule. It was originally the former CEO of our agency that decided on that. Some old man was salty about the fact that tattoos are a form of artwork and expressing oneself.” You blushed red, feeling him cuddle your breasts, you ran your hands in his hair as he hummed.

“Mmh… Aah… Nakamoto-nim…” You moaned, feeling him kiss your hip bone, “what a gorgeous tattoo you have,” he smirked, tracing his fingertips on the Azurri Blue Satin Hibiscus flower tattoo you had on your left hip bone. (Picture at the bottom🌚) He gently sucked on it leaving a visible hickey as he chuckled, “you’re such a bully, why would you leave a hickey on my hip bone?” You demanded, sitting up as he licked his lips, “because I wanted to. You know what that flower means right?” He leaned in kissing you as you hummed, making out with him, “mhm, the color’s a mix of blue and purple, but its meaning doesn't change.” You confessed, “it represents wealth, royalty, wisdom, and knowledge, as well as mystery or even fear of the unknown.” You pursed your lips as he chuckled.

“You forgot what the blue color’s true meaning, Princess,” he cooed, pulling you by the cheek as you embraced him closely, “it’s fertility and glory, Princess,” he whispered into your ear, nibbling onto your earlobe, you blushed red as he pinned you down, kissing your neck and roughly covering it in hickies.

It’s strange, you’re supposed to be fearing your Boss. But embracing him like this made you feel protected and warm, your body felt so comfortable with his presence.

You looked at him as you unclamped your bra, his eyes gawking at the sight of your pretty round breasts as you placed it on the small table. “Stop looking at them like that…” You covered them shyly as he kept staring, “sorry, I didn’t know you had such pretty breasts,” he kissed you deeply, you hummed in between his kisses, hugging him as he blushed. “Why aren’t you touching them yet?” You whispered as he closed his eyes, “you’re making it hard for me to keep my cool, Doll.” He cooed, rubbing your bare back as you pulled back.

“Nakamoto-nim…” You called, leaning forward and inviting him as he licked his lips. “You really don’t mind? I might not be able to control myself after this one, Babydoll,” he confessed, rubbing circles in your areolas as you whimpered, “Nakamoto-nim…Aah… Ahh…” You moaned loudly as he was playing with your breasts, “please be gentle…” You whined, feeling him kiss your hardened nipples as he smirked, “they’re super sensitive, aren’t they?” You nodded, feeling flustered, patting his hair as you felt him suck on it. You closed your eyes and felt his warm tongue, swirling around it. “You’ve such perfect breasts, Y/N.”

“Aah… Ahh… Nakamoto-nim…” You moaned, pulling his hair as he smirked, your left nipple completely covered in his saliva. He pulled back before wiping his lips, “just call me Yuta, Princess,” he smirked before making out with you passionately, “mmh, Yuta, mmh, Yuta…~” You hummed, feeling your panties get wet by the way he made out with you.

You think anyone would go crazy after being kissed like that. You pouted, leaning in to leave a red hickey on his neck, Yuta chuckled.

“What a meanie, how am I going to explain this to Yuka?” Yuta pointed at the mark you left on him, you giggled as you unbuttoned your skirt, “you’re the meanie, I thought you were going to fire me earlier…” You pouted as he unbuttoned his pants when you noticed the big bulge in his Calvin Klein boxer briefs. “I would never fire you, Doll - what makes you think that?” Yuta cooed, kissing you deeply as you held onto him, grinding against his bulge he groaned lowly. “I don’t know, I thought I might have really angered you… It makes my heart ache.” You confessed, he pulled your skirt down as you were left in your panties.

“Mhm, you care so deeply for your Boss?” He cooed, sucking on your right breast as you moaned, “aah… Of course, I do.” You blushed at your own words as he chuckled, pulling his boxers down as his dick bounced out. The sight of his big dick made you gasp.

How is that big of a dick even going to fit inside you…?

“–Impressed, are we?” Yuta cooed, rubbing the back of his neck as you sat up, staring at his dick, “you’re so big…” You blushed red and stammered, “mhm, Babydoll,” he looked at you, “so big and hard…” You hummed, rubbing his dick as he hissed, a little bit of precum was leaking from his tip. “You wanna taste him?” He cooed as you nodded eagerly.

“Go ahead, Doll.” He scoffed, sitting on the couch, placing his arm on the armrest. “Yuta~ mmh~” you kneeled down and licked his dick desperately as he hissed, “fuck, Babydoll, you’re really good,” he bit his bottom lip as you swirled your tongue around him. “You’ve such a nice big dick, Yuta,” you hummed, sucking on the sensitive red tip like a popsicle as he groaned, “fuck, you’re driving me crazy, Y/N.” He cupped your cheek as you locked eyes with him before winking at him. “What a flirty woman,” he scoffed.

“Mmh, mmh, Yuta,” you hummed, starting to suck him off, he tasted so nice and a little salty, “fuck, your head game’s strong, Princess,” Yuta cooed, holding your head as you rubbed his dick in between your soft breasts, gently squeezing and teasing him, “mmh…” You hummed, sucking on the tip as he threw his head back, rolling his eyes back as he was closer and closer to cuming. “Fuck, Princess, I’m not gonna last like that.~” He moaned, forcing you to take all of him inside your mouth, you whimpered at the sudden movement as he hit the back of your throat, and you gagged a little.

“Too much, Princess?” Yuta asked, looking at you concerned he might’ve gone overboard, you shook your head, “no, I can take you, Yuta…” You started to deepthroat him, inhaling and exhaling as small tears formed in your eyes. He cussed, grabbing onto the armrest as he started to thrust against your mouth, you whimpered, mouth full of him. “Shit, fuck, I’m going to cum,” he hissed before standing up, you looked up, fluttering your eyes as he pulled a fistful of your hair as he started to fuck your mouth.

Yuta had lost all his patience as he started to thrust roughly into your mouth, you choked a bit as he cussed and groaned loudly, “fuck!” He came hard down your throat as it leaked out of your mouth, his semen covered your chin and breasts. You felt overwhelmed and surprised by how much he came. “Sorry, must’ve too much for you to handle, Doll.” He said, helping you sit on his lap.

“Mmh-mmh, I really liked it, Yuta,” you hummed, wrapping your arms around him as you licked your lips and smiled, “you like the taste?~” You nodded eagerly as he leaned in, kissing you and tasting himself, “mhm, not bad I guess,” he cooed, smiling at you. “Mmh… Yuta?” You called out, lying on his couch as he started wiping you clean, “mhm? What is it, Princess?~” You moved forward, kissing him as you pursed your lips. “My, you really love kissing me, don’t you?” You nodded, watching him clean you and take care of you so well.

You weren’t used to men taking care or caring for you, seeing Nakamoto-nim be so protective of you made your heart skip a beat. Despite being completely naked in his office, he kept his usual calm and collected composure. 

“All clean, Doll,” he smiled, wiping himself clean as you hugged his arm, “Yuta?” You hummed as he turned to face you, “mhm, mhm, Babydoll,” he cooed, feeling you kiss him deeply as you made out with him. His kisses left you breathless, and wanting more.

“Nakamoto-nim…” You moaned, feeling him tease you with his dick, rubbing against the fabric of your panties, “you don’t know how much I wanna make love to you, Princess,” he scoffed, grinding against your panties as you saw the precum leaking onto your undies. “Fuck me, please…” You begged as Yuta smirked, he knew you were dazed after making out and kissing him like crazy. “You have to beg for it, Y/N,” he cooed, seeing you in slight distress as he sucked on your breast, you whined, “please, please fuck me, Nakamoto-nim…” You pleaded as he clicked his tongue, seeing how desperate and needy you were for him.

“I’ll only do it once, no next extra rounds after this, okay Princess?” He cooed, and you nodded eagerly, “yes Sir,” you smiled at the thought of him making love to you. He reached for the table where he hid a small packet of condom inside the lamp. You ground your panties against him as he smirked, slowly rolling the condom on his dick. “Mhm, I know Babydoll, just be patient, I’ll fuck you in a moment,” Yuta cooed, lowering himself as he removed your panties, gently placing them on the table.

You both looked at each other, he held your hand as you slowly felt the intrusion. “Tell me if it hurts, Princess.” Yuta kissed your temple as you breathed heavily.

“Yuta… Ooh… Aah… Ahh…” You moaned at the sudden plunge, his dick was hard and big, not even all the way inside and it was already driving you crazy, you gasped at each inch that went further inside. “I know he’s a handful, just take it easy, Y/N,” Yuta groaned at how tightly you were clenching and squeezing around his size. He waited for you to adjust to his size and get used to him before he could begin to move. “Ooh, Yuta…” You moaned, feeling him fit all of his dick inside your pussy, his size squirming as you felt yourself wrap around him. “Fuck, you’re so tight, Princess,” he scoffed, moving slightly as you moaned loudly, “you’re so overwhelming and big, I’m surprised th-that I can even take you,” you whimpered and gasped at his slow and deep thrusts.

“You’ll get used to me soon, Y/N. Don’t worry.” Yuta cooed, arching his back as he continued fucking you, seeing how aroused and needy you were for him, making him harder, you held his hands and squeezed them, the thrusts were insufferable and rough but a sense of slight satisfaction followed afterward. “I like your dick so much, it fits me so perfectly,” you whined, sweating a bit as he wiped your forehead before kissing you passionately, “you really like this big dick, mhm?” You nodded, grasping onto his back as he fucked you at a slightly faster pace. The sound of skin slapping and your loud moans of his name were music to Yuta’s ear.

Without noticing it, you had reached your climax and came all over his dick, you were too dazed. When Yuta looked down and smirked, “mhm, do I fuck you this good, Doll?~” You blinked as you realized what just happened, you blushed red, “w-what? I didn’t know I came…” You felt flustered at the mess you left of his torso and thighs, he smirked at the sight of it. “Mhm, doesn’t it just feel incredible?~” He cooed, making out with you, “feels amazing…” You whined, holding onto him tightly.

You were both making out intensely as his thrusts were getting sloppier, “I’m close, Babydoll,” he sighed, pressing his forehead against yours and locking your hands on his lower back. As a result, Yuta got deeper inside as he groaned and cussed at the feeling. “Mmh, harder, Yuta…” You moaned, wrapping your legs around his ass. He scoffed, fucking you at a rougher and faster pace as you were clawing his back. “Goodness, you really like being punished, don’t you?~” He chuckled, sweating a bit as he came inside the condom as you blushed, seeing his face as he bit his lips before panting heavily.

“That was amazing, Princess,” he cooed, lying next to you on the couch as you faced him before giving a quick kiss to his lips, “never had a man fuck me this good, it’s crazy,” you hummed as he chuckled, “mhm, what a naughty girl, having her very own Boss punish her and make love to her in his very office.” Yuta smirked, holding you close as you cuddled him. His chest smelled of Cologne, not too much or too little.

It was just perfect. Perfect - is what Nakamoto Yuta was in your eyes. You didn’t and definitely wouldn’t mind having sex with him a few times if it ever occurred that he needed a little ‘assistance’. Rich, calm, responsible, loyal, and strong, basically the man of your dreams was lying right next to you.

“Can I sleep in your bed tonight…?” You hummed, feeling a little flusteredly to ask such a question, “mhm, can’t do that Babydoll, you know I have Yuka around,” you sighed, “but I really like you…” You pouted as he chuckled, kissing your cheek before patting your shoulder, “mhm, you like me that much?” You nodded, placing your hand on your stomach, “maybe next time, let’s get dressed and leave for now, Y/N,” Yuta hummed, caressing your cheek, “mmh-mmh…” You leaned in, making out with him as he chuckled.

Yuta wiped you clean once again and helped you get dressed as you sat on his desk, “you’re such a pretty woman, Y/N,” he cooed, closing your bra as you kissed him, “mmh, then why aren’t you letting this pretty woman sleep in your bed, Mr. Yuta?~” You cooed, pursing your lips as he scoffed, “because if you end up sleeping in my bed Doll, then I’m afraid I would make love to you all night even with Yuka around.” He whispered as the thought was wilding and tempting to both of you. “Mmh, what a perverted man you are… Aah!” You moaned, feeling his hand rub against your pussy. 

“She’s already warm and wet again, does my voice turn you on?~” Yuta cooed, looking into your eyes as you nodded desperately, “ahh, aah… Yuta, you’re such a bully…” You whined, feeling him shove two fingers inside your pussy, “what a naughty girl, having dirty thoughts of her own Boss.” He smirked as you moaned, grasping onto his shoulders, rubbing yourself against his fingers. “Didn’t I just fuck you into place?~” He scoffed in disbelief, seeing how needy you get for him.

“Mmh-mmh…” You wanted to scream but Yuta made out with you, swallowing your cries. You felt a third finger slipping inside and fingering you, “such a good girl,” he hissed, curling his fingers as you closed your eyes. You couldn’t believe the way you were being touched, let alone get so aroused by one man.

If the age gap weren’t a problem you would’ve let this man get you pregnant a long time ago.

“Yuta… I’m going to… Aah…” You moaned, feeling unable to keep it together, “I know Babydoll, let me see you squirt all over my fingers.” Yuta whispered into your ear as you squirted heavily and desperately. You were panting as his hand was covered in your wetness. He slipped two of his fingers inside his mouth and licked the clean, “didn’t know you’d taste so sweet, Y/N,” he held his index finger, pointing at you, “mmh-mmh…” You leaned in, sucking on it and tasting yourself.

He bent down slightly, eating you out as you moaned, patting his hair, his warm lips against your pussy felt good. “Ooh, Yuta… That feels so great…” You threw your head back and wrapped your thighs around him, and he pulled you closer as he was licking you clean, “mhm, Doll,” he smirked, gently teasing your anus with his warm tongue as you winced at the feeling.

You stepped into your panties as he pulled them up, gently patting your ass before groping it, “what a nice ass, Y/N,” Yuta cooed, rubbing it as you blushed, fixing his button-up shirt as you looked at the hickey you left on him earlier. It made you giggle a little, just what was going through your mind to leave such a hickey on your Boss? You fixed his tie as he helped you get your blouse on, you closed his zipper and buckled his belt. “Mmh, Boss’s so hot~” You hummed, wearing your miniskirt as he chuckled at your compliment. “Boss is lucky to fuck such a nice, stubborn, and pretty woman,” he smirked as you made out with him.

He turned off the lights in the main office as you headed inside the elevator, “mhm-mhm, Babydoll~” Yuta cooed, making out with you until you reached the ground level, “do you get home by metro or taxi?” You asked, wearing your coat, “by car, what about you?” You nodded, “I’m taking the bus but seeing how it’s super late, I guess I’ll have to walk my way home,” you hummed, bowing at the security guard on your way out.

“Don’t, it’s too late to be walking at this hour, Y/N.” Yuta said, patting your shoulder as he held your hand, “but the bus won’t be here before another hour,” you walked to the parking spots, “where do you live? Let me drop you off there,” you shook your head, feeling embarrassed. “No, there’s no need to, Nakamoto-nim,” you bowed as he pulled you by the wrist and inside his fancy car. “It’s dangerous at this time, I don’t want something to happen to you, Y/N.” He confessed, caressing your hand.

You blushed at the way he cherished and protected you… That night you were very thankful to Nakamoto Yuta.

You leaned in kissing him deeply as he hummed, “Babydoll, mhm~” Yuta cooed, rubbing your thigh as you made out with him, his kisses were so tempting and lustful. They left you begging and wanting for more. “Mmh… Ooh, Yuta…” You moaned as he started the engine and began driving off. 

The car arrived in front of your apartment. “Mhm, mhm, Doll,” Yuta sucked on your tongue, gently rubbing his hand up and down on your thigh. “Mmh, Yuta…” You straddled him, making out with him roughly as he growled. 

“–Yah, where are you!?” Yuka yelled into the phone as he panickily chuckled, “–almost there, sorry I had some work to take care of at the office.” Yuta chuckled, biting his lip and unzipping his pants as you were sucking him off, “well, hurry up!” She demanded, before hanging up. “Shit, guess she’s super pissed I wonder if it’s school or one of her friends again…” He patted the back of your neck as you very super focused on his dick, “mmh…” He smiled, patting your hair as you started to deep-throat him. “Gotta go Babydoll. Yuka-chan hates waiting.” You pulled back, swallowing his small amount of cum.

“Thank you, for getting me home safely, Nakamoto-nim,” you bowed when he rolled down the window and kissed you, “sleep well, I’ll see you tomorrow,” Yuta waved and drove off again, “get home safely, Boss!” You waved.

You headed upstairs as you realized you forgot your favorite lipstick in his office. You took your heels off and washed yourself gently with hot water from the sink. You did your skincare routine.

🎶I’m a confident woman, but why are you making me struggle?🎶 You sang while listening to Miniskirt by AOA before heading off to bed.

“Papa! You kept me waiting!” Yuka scoffed and whined before hugging him, Yuta chuckled. “Sorry, sorry, Baby,” he kissed her forehead, “look I made us black sesame cookies~” she smiled, holding the tray.

–💚–🔞–💚–🔞–💚–🔞–💚–🔞–💚–🔞–💚–🔞–💚–🔞–💚–🔞

A/N: 🌚🌝Nehuehue, this is my first time posting something sexy and smut~ I’m finally getting more confident in my writing and also posting more of mature fics! It’s really nice to have a mix of both if you’re interested please go and read my Nakamoto Yuta fanfiction here! I’ve recently post a part 3 to the story and after I’ve published this, I’ll go back and continue working on “Like a butterfly”!

About tattoos...

It’s no surprise Ms. Y/N has tattoos, I mean she’s a baddie after all‼️ I do plan on revealing more of her tattoos and details about her appearance in the next part...

It’s just I had a hard time finding great images of her tats - so please bear with this Walmart edited picture🙏🏽 No blue/purple Hibiscus tattoo on Pinterest really caught my attention, so I had to improvise! This is how I’d imagined her tattoo to look like, the top three petals being purple and the rest being blue.

Also, I got this idea of Y/N working in an advertising agency right before watching this AY-YO video yesterday, lmfao, Doyoung’s the best 😂😭

Anyways, I hope you all enjoyed this as much as I did, were you surprised that CEO Nakamoto also happens to be a dilf?~ Hehe, look forward to more. (Never knew that writing about your professor banging you could be this hot, asdfghj!!!)

–💚–🔞–💚–🔞–💚–🔞–💚–🔞–💚–🔞–💚–🔞–💚–🔞–💚–🔞

– Next part >

Updated message

#YuTae Fanfic: Longing or love #Lee Taeyong #Taeyong #Y/N x Taeyong #Lee Taeyong Imagines #Lee Taeyong Fanfic #Taeyong Fanfic #NCT Taeyong #Nakamoto Yuta #Yuta #Y/N x Yuta #Nakamoto Yuta Imagines #Nakamoto Yuta Fanfic #Yuta Fanfic #NCT Yuta #NCT x Reader #NCT 127 #NCT Fanfic #NCT #NCT Imagines #NCT 127 Fanfic #NCT U #NCT127 Fanfic #NCT Scenarios #NCT Writing #NCT Writers #Kpop #Kpop Fanfic #Kpop Fanfiction #Boy Groups

[weenwrites]

Could I have some general platonic hc's with tfp arcee and her human charge who has some abandonment issues? Or some just some platonic hc's with arcee without the issues?

Sorry if this is a tw for you or something and feel free to ignore. Thank you and have a good day/night!!!!

Trigger Warnings - Mentions of Abandonment Issues

[ Please do not repost, plagiarize, or use my writing for AI! Translating my work with proper credit is acceptable, but please ask first! ]

The moment the two of you met, she could tell that something was up with you. If you act extremely distant and actively try to push her away, or refuse to allow her to get emotionally close to you, she'll immediately try to get through to you. She's been there before, and she remembers what it was like when she kept pushing people away because she was scared of losing those she cared about most. It may have kept her from suffering any major losses for a time, but it wasn't healthy. She tries to be there for you in whatever capacity you'll allow her to, and she'll try her best to be patient with you.

Or if you seem very clingy to her and anxious whenever she leaves, she tries to ease your worries and assure you that she'll return safely. But, she can't quite tell you when exactly she'll return, the best she can do is a rough approximation if she knows what's to be expected in said mission. Even if you have a tendency to sabotage your relationships, she'll still try to get to you and talk it out with you.

At times where she notices that you have any worries or concerns about your friendship with her, she'll sit you down somewhere private and assure you that she's not going to leave you out of the blue. You might bring up the fact that she'll have to go back to Cybertron once the war's over, but she says that she'll still maintain contact with you, and that she'll try to find time to visit.

#tfp imagines #tfp headcanons #tfp x reader #tfp arcee #arcee x reader #x reader #reader insert #self insert #tw abandonment issues #abandonment issues tw #abandonment issues #weenwrites

[leanleather]

Peach Whiskey, Chapter 1

Summary: Y/N is the daughter of a saloon owner. On what should be a typical shift, a group of cowboys wander in. The leader of said group is Elvis Presley, a man with a reputation for his quick temper and even quicker trigger finger. Word Count: 1.9k

Author’s Note: I was deeply inspired by A Whole Man is Hard to Find, an absolutely gorgeous peace by my now favorite author, @aconflagrationofmyown​. That being said, my knowlegde of the time period is nowhere near as good as Marina’s in that fic. I will be doing more and more research as this fic goes on, but for now I am relying on memory, movies, and Red Dead Redemption (hey, I love cowboys, ok?). This takes place in like the early 1800′s in a little made up town, but I picture it being like Rhodes from RDR2, so we’ll just say it’s in Georgia (my apologies to any from Georgia because I feel like I’m gonna butcher my knowledge of the state). Also I couldn’t find like an actual word for the leader of a cowboy posse? The only one I saw was sheriff so we will roll with it. I haven’t written a series in a LONG time, so bear with me please.

Warnings: Period typical violence, swearing, guns, death threats (not directed toward Y/N), unwanted and uncomfortable flirting, sexual references (nothing explicitly NSFW), use of the word “daddy” (in reference to an actual father, this is the old south y’all), cowboys, mentions of robbery & murder, jeez this isn’t looking good for just the first chapter, mentions of prostitution, family issues, mentions of kidnapping, not proofread lol

Your daddy had shook his head when you asked to work a couple of hours at The Silver Spur. It had been nearly a fortnight since the incident that made him remove you in the first place. Piggish men deep in their glass just couldn’t keep their tongue still, you had learned. Luckily your daddy had stepped in and escorted the man out, effectively suspending you in the process.

Yet here you stood, leaning against the wooden bar, diligently cleaning a glass with a well-worn cloth. It was a slow night--the occasional customer wandering in and sitting down to get piss fucking drunk--but you didn’t mind. Any citizen of  Lynnburn or wandering stranger could plant their soul in the saloon.

Lynnburn wasn’t a big town, housing no more than five-thousand and seven hundred residents. To any stranger it would have seemed nothing more than a dusty place with poor folks. That was the facade the town was lucky to have, keeping lush farmland hidden within the woods nearby. Corn was what kept the people fed and paid along with the yearly cattle sale. Horse shows had begun to turn a profit in the confines of the town’s stables, but it had only just started to gain the attention of outsiders. It both excited and worried Lynnburn natives. The Silver Spur drew in wanderers from all over the wooded state of Georgia. Your father’s well-known peach whiskey attracted all sorts of folks--most of which being shady business men looking to snatch farming land, or men passing through on their way to the big city.

One of those shady business men was sat at the end of the bar, nursing a drink in his sweaty palms, his eyes baring directly at your body. You paid him no mind as you continued your work. The consistent hum of patrons suddenly hushed, a rhythmic k'duh sound slicing through. Your eyes shifted as the glass was quickly abandoned beneath the counter of the bar. Plastering on a smile, your voice came out soaked in honey. “Hello, what can I get ya?” Finally the men came into view, and by god, the middle man was so pretty.

He had what could only be described as the face of a young adonis. A fine beau with soft, tanned skin covering a toned but equally soft body. The raven black hair pulled the focus to his eyes, bluer than the sky on an autumn day. But you recognized his face for another reason, one that made your hands tremble a bit.

The man and his companions filled the remaining seats at the bar. He pulled the hat off of his head and rested it on the counter. “Hi, honey. We’ll all just be havin’ whiskey, on me.” You gave a nod in response and started pouring the spirit. A few drops slid down the side of the glass, a soft apology leaving your lips.

“I’m so sorry Mr. Presley.” You sat the glass in front of him. Elvis Presley was sitting in your father’s saloon. The same man who had a hand in removing a whole gang from Lynnburn and stolen their loots, blood staining his hands and perhaps his soul, was now asking you for a drink. The cowboy let out a soft chuckle, his calloused hands wrapping around your own.

“You’re alright, darlin’. Ain’t none of us degenerates gon’ hurt you.” Elvis cooed. The skin on your face felt so hot, whether it was out of fear, embarrassment, or flattery, you weren’t sure. His friends gave agreeing nods or laughs of their own, the other patrons in the saloon melting back into their own conversations. “In fact, as long as we’re drinkin’ here, your safety is our priority.” He smiled at you--a big, toothy grin--and you could feel your stomach twist.

It wasn’t long before you had given out the rest of the drinks to his buddies--who you had learned were named Jerry, Sonny, Robert (who they called Red), and Scotty. They had been gentlemanly to you as soon as Elvis gave the word. For a moment, you were sure that the night would go on and end normally.

But that business man could only hold his tongue for so long. He was near red in the face when you approached to take his empty glass. “Sweet thing, how much would a man need to offer to get a night with you?” He rasped. You had to stop yourself from boiling over, instead choosing to stiffen and move away.

“I never.” You practically hissed. Before the man could part his lips to retort, another voice cut through.

“That’s enough. Leave the lady alone.” Elvis sneered. He was standing now, moved closer to the business man with his hands curled down by his sides. The gaggle of men he’d arrived with also focused on the situation with fierce snarls. “Why don’t you just pay your tab n’ go on home, huh?” The distinct click of a revolver hammer followed. A ghostly hue washed over the now disgruntled patron as he dug in his pockets, producing some silver coins and hastily setting them on the counter before rising and hurriedly shuffling out of your father’s business.

Your eyebrows remained raised in surprise. “Thank you, Mr. Presley, but you didn’t have to do that. Usually they take the hint after the first couple times.” You snatched the glass left by the offending male, cleaning it and shoving it below the counter. It was a lie. They didn’t stop, only kept perusing until they lost interest and paid a prostitute, or your father made an appearance and forced them to leave. You were silently thankful that a man with a violent reputation had chosen to have mercy on you that night. Though, you had never heard such things about the Presley gang--who you had heard called the Mephis Mafia by town-goers, on according that the men involved had moved from Memphis, in whispers at the general store or in the corner of the saloon--ever doing anything like that to a woman. But just because nobody thought a person could do something didn’t mean that they wouldn’t. It was a hard truth your mother had sowed in your brain. Love few, and trust even less.

Elvis nodded his head slightly, scooting the coins down to you and moving back to his seat. “I only regret that men speak to you that way. ‘Specially pigs like that, though that’s a dishonor to the swine.” Scotty laughed, swallowing down the last of his drink. “But like I said, nobody’s gon’ talk to ya like that when we’re here. Swear it.” The man looked back to his friends and received grumbled agreeances. “And please, call me Elvis. Mr. Presley is my daddy.” That boyish smile made a reappearance, as if he hadn’t just threatened to paint the walls with the blood of another human being. It was sickening in a way--but, it had been in your favor. Elvis looked to the swinging doors, shaking his head softly and stretching. “Well honey, we best be goin’. Never did get yer name though.” It wasn’t a question. Not a ‘could I know your name’? It was almost a demand, but delivered much more gently. “It’s Y/N McCane, sir.” You returned his smile. You swiftly collected the empty glasses together. “Though I suspect you may know my brother, Teddy. He’s always runnin’ around town helpin’ folks with something.” Knowingly, Elvis leaned in.

“I do, actually. Good kid. Tried to recruit him a couple ‘a times, but he said your daddy wouldn’t want our blood money.” The blood running through you froze. The cowboy had been such a gentlemen before, but you couldn’t help the suspicion rising in you that it may have been a threat. “Relax, honey. Told ya. We ain’t that bad. Tell ya what,” Elvis leaned back to look at Jerry and cocked an eyebrow, the other man shrugging, “why don’t you come out to our ranch tomorrow? You can see what we’re really about.“ Shit. There’s no way your family would let you go out there. But, what harm could it do? “It will have to be after church, Mr. Pre- Elvis. Just...just meet me there.” You breathed quietly. The man across from you took your hand again, placing a soft kiss to your knuckles.

“Great. We’ll see you then. Come on boys, we got chores to wrap up!” Elvis reached into his pocket, pulling out what you quickly noticed was far too much money and setting it down. He left you no time to object before he ushered his posse out. Your elbows lifted to rest on the counter, your head landing in your hands with a sigh.

Once you’d closed The Silver Spur for the night, you hobbled up the stairs to your family’s abode, your stomach rumbling as you caught the smell of your momma’s cooking. You made no attempt to do anything but sit in the chair at the dining table. As you sat and locked hands with your family, your mother said grace and that was that. Not a word was spoken between mouthfuls. That was, until your father spoke. “How was work, Y/N?” It had startled you, nearly making you choke on the roasted chicken in your mouth.

“Mm, it was fine.” You replied as you wiped your face. The fork in your hand jabbed at the food on the plate. Your mind was at war with your mouth and it was unsure which would win. “Oh, uhm, Elvis Presley stopped in. Wanted me to visit his ranch.” The words spilled out of you so fast you’d barely avoided cutting yourself off with another mouthful of food.

Your father, however, became downright stiff. His utensils were abandoned on the table. “You let Elvis Presley convince you to visit his home? Good god...” Fingers grasped at the bridge of his nose. “You’ll be lucky if he doesn’t fucking kidnap you now that he knows where to find you. What were you thinking?” He chastised. You dared not look at him, instead meeting the eyes of Teddy. His expression was sympathetic. He knew they weren’t completely awful, but his lips remained tight.

“Daddy, he ain’t that bad. Defended my damn honor and paid me more than enough for his buddies’ drinks.” You retorted, finishing your food. Long ago had you tired of his over-protectiveness. “I am grown. I can go where I please, when I please. I appreciate you wanting to keep me safe, but just this once, please trust me.” It was pleading. Even a man as stoic as your father couldn’t resist giving in.

He let out a deep breath. “Fine. But please, take your gun? And at the first sign of anything going down, get the fuck outta there. Hear me?” You nodded excitedly. That was your cue to retire for the night, saying your goodnights to the family before heading to the room you and your brother shared. Laying in bed, you could not still your thoughts. Maybe you would ride along side the gang, hooves thundering beneath you, free as the hawks that soared the farmland looking for mice. Or maybe your father would be right, maybe you’d end up in a room in the middle of nowhere, praying for the same mercy shown to you tonight. All you could do was wait, hope, and make sure your gun was tucked into the garter on your thigh.

#elvis x reader #elvis imagine #cowboy!elvis #elvis presley x reader #elvis presley imagine #cowboy elvis #Peach Whiskey fanfic #period piece #Peach Whiskey

[horrorknife]

hi ! sorry if this sounds weird but like

i stumbled upon one of your hoffheight posts and I'm so. genuinely fascinated ?? like, i THINK i understand it (I've certainly put them in a microwave and stared at them for the past few days) but i want to "get it right", if that makes ANY amount of sense. I want to interpret them correctly, I think is a better way to phrase it (it's 2am nothing I say will make more sense and I apologize for that.)

I think in a post you mentioned them being like, reflections of each other or something, which, I didn't realize but shit yeah?? they are aren't they. something about being on hair triggers or whatever. GOD they fascinate me so much I need you to understand how much this dynamic intrigues me. having them both be unstable in their own rights (esp with anger issues and all) it just. I love that ?? it's so fun!! I keep spinning them in my mind !!!

I think you also mentioned them being some flavor of qpr and as someone who's aromantic I. god qpr's my beloved. I really need them to be an evil qpr. that means a lot 2 me. ESPECIALLY if it's not even mentioned, but it definitely is a qpr. in my head Adam would have the potential (still not likely) to know what a qpr is, but he would never label it as that. at least not verbally. I love when there's a silent agreement that two people are definitely not romantic but labelling something as platonic is insincere. they're a secret third option don't worry about it !!!

sorry for dumping this into your inbox, I have a lot of thoughts and assumed it'd be mildly funny if I just left them with you. do with that what you will. I hope you have a nice day and thank you for the food for thought

[bonus ask that's ACTUALLY an ask and not just the ramblings of a mad man, do you have any fic recommendations of the two? for research, of course]

HI!!!! oh my fucking god anon you have no idea how excited and happy this makes me . *little cat running around in circles moment* 

so like. i imagine there’s this cord between them and neither of them understand it. they can both just Smell the sameness on each other, the familiarity of deepset rage and suffering and loneliness. adam’s young and impressionable and hoffman would be able to use him to his advantage. hoffman would love this guy. my characterization of adam post bathroom is lonely, detached, and even angrier than before so he gets into fights for the self destructive nature of the thing and hoffman would LOVE how unhinged he is (we all saw how much hoffman seemed to admire/get obsessed w strahm and that guy is Nuts). they’re the same kind of prey animal! they have the same fear of abandonment!!

something something the way they both die in the same spot, attached to the same pipe, forced to watch as LAWRENCE (OF ALL PEOPLE!!!!) abandons them for dead. adam is desperate for life adam is in a game rigged against him. hoffman fights and fights and gnashes and thrashes against this the entire series and yet he ultimately has no choice but to succumb to it, he dies the same horrific way adam did, alone and abandoned and feeling that same primal prey animal fear. there's something to both of them being lawrence's only (CANONICAL) victims (brad, ryan, and dina are lawrence's vics to me. but that's a different post) there's something to the way that adam dies in the first film and haunts the narrative forever and the person who reprises that role is HOFFMAN of all people. the way that this comes full circle is really really delicious to me

adam's camera is his buffer from the real world, it's how he processes things, he's at his best when he's unnoticed and free to Watch. guys we're not doing enough with the voyeur thing. guys. adam catalogs information adam loves holding secret knowledge. in a similar way, hoffman is holding a knife between himself and the real world, he's processing everything through a layer of violence before all else because he can't risk human connection anymore. all of his relationships are made through violence and this is of course present here as well because you adam's deepest connections are also facilitated through violence. you can argue that this is true of all saw characters and you'd be right but there's something so specially flavored about it when you look at hoffman and adam next to each other.

hoffman needs Direction From Someone Else in order to be an effective cog in the jigsaw machine–after john dies he just falls apart immediately and gets clumsy and makes stupid mistakes bc at the end of it all hoffman has been robbed of a Normal existence and the thing he really wants most is companionship (again, seen in the way he interacts w rigg and strahm–he communicates his ‘affection’ in adversarial ways to keep them hooked + offers them genuine chances at survival but they’re both too clouded and Against Him for it to work. king of misjudging situations) and direction. i think if he even had a LITTLE help he’d be a lot better at being jigsaw

conversely, adam is this poor, broke 25 year old clinking pennies together in his shithole apartment. and he has the same stripping of purpose hoffman does. he doesn’t communicate with his family anymore (for undisclosed reasons but this is one of my personal pinpoints for bi/transmasc adam), effectively abandoned by them, and we know that his one namedropped friend (his “BEST” friend btw) is a piece of shit TO him and ABOUT him. adam gets walked all over and he lives at the universe’s disposal to kick the shit out of. he’s been abandoned or mistreated by everyone significant in his life. hoffman is a well off and well respected cop with a whole department of people who highly respect him but he’s empty inside bc he’s incapable of having any meaningful relationships the moment he gets involved with john. he has to fully wall himself off again because it’s too risky to get close to other people. imagine your only worldly thread of understanding from another person ends up being the serial killer you’re chasing/impersonating. and he hates you.

adam’s a genuinely understanding and kind person under his defensiveness, we all know this, we’ve all seen saw 2004. he’d be kind to hoffman and hoffman would see stars. he forgot people were capable of treating him like a normal person. having hoffman warm up to you is the equivalent of having a crochety old man who hates everyone share apple slices with you. you’re a little nervous about it, you’re a little on edge, but he’s just cutting out his apple slices and handing you one every so often. a test of trust. maybe you’re uncomfortable but you’ll take his offering to be polite. you’ll enjoy his company, you’ll share that apple with him, you’ll forge a new bond with that person. this is the type of companionship im kind of getting at. 

um but yeah . rambling aside. back on track. unspoken/unaware qpr hoffheight is THE THING to me. yes we love each other yes we’d kill for each other no we’re not in love. we have a secret third thing and it’s called I Have To Keep This Guy Safe Right Fucking Now Because He Matters To Me More Than I Can Understand. OH mid paragraph im remembering something important. this absolutely all takes place within a sphere of hoffman and adam’s relationship starting with hoffman making adam his apprentice. i feel like that might have been obvious up there ^ but i want to be very clear w my intentions and my vision. KJDFSJKDF. ALSO oh my god . fuckkkkk fuck  fuck fml i think hoffman thinks 2 himself that angelina would probably have liked adam and that definitely endears him to the guy. 

like you said yeah i think adam has the Potential to know what a qpr is (but i dont think he does know)!! if anything he would ultimately just recognize it as an inherently special and inherently queer relationship…auuuu………i know i didnt get too into the evil parts of them too much here but thats cuz it would make me end up writing a 6k essay on them or something. just know that they do butt heads a lot because at the end of the day theyre from completely different universes and adam is an ODD/BPD king.

god . i could really just go on and on and on and on about them. i have so much more to say LOL but this is already a bit of a wordy response >__< i just have such a clear vision of their vibe and dynamic in my mind. it comes to me like sherlock visions. i’m being pelted with big times new roman font things that say shit like “HOFFHEIGHT GAY SEX” “They Are Everything To Each Other In A Codependent Ass Way” 

THANK YOU FOR THIS ASK BY THE WAY I UM. GOT SO FUCKING EXCITEDD WHEN I READ IT AKJDNJAKLDNVSJKFNFDKGNVDFK. YOU DONT KNOW WHAT THESE TWO ARE TO ME . YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW SICK AND FUCKED UP I AM OVER THEM LOLLLLL. asks that made me get up out of bed at 6:30 in the morning because i was too excited and woke up fully 

if u have more questions or u wanna rap abt this more PLEAAAAASE feel free 2 send more asks or reach out via messages i love discussing my evil plots with them. i am literally ALWAYS locked and loaded and ready to talk about hoffheight. anon i unfortunately do not have fic recs because i do not like reading fanfiction. im incredibly particular about characterization and i’m a little bit of a writing snob. i don’t trust them in anyone else’s hands for fic if i’m being honest. i don’t think anyone else’s vision will fully align with mine and i’m too autistic to risk seeing that be done wrong. i’ll get too emotional KJDNKJSNFJ

#hoffheight #tagging cuz why not. tag is dead as hell #anonymous #asks #thank you for giving me a chance to ramble i love getting to infodump

[anonymousewrites]

Adolescent Antichrist (Book 3) Chapter One

Father Figure! Lucifer x Teen! Reader

Chapter One: What Do You Mean There are Feathers?

Summary: (Y/N) comes out to Lucifer. Not about being lgbtq, that was obvious, but about having gifts. But not before having a mental breakdown about it.

            “What do you mean there are feathers?!” cried (Y/N), spinning wildly as they tried to catch a glimpse of their back.

            “I mean there are feathers! What the hell else could I mean?!” said Emeranne, grabbing (Y/N). Pulling them to a mirror, they angled them to see their shoulder blades from where their shirt was lifted.

            (Y/N)’s eyes widened. Several small red feathers were sprouting from their back. It was like little wings were trying to push out. “Holy shirt, holy shit.”

            “And I thought shadow manipulation was going to be our big issue,” muttered Em. (Y/N) tore off their shirt and ran to the kitchen. “What are you doing?” (Y/N) grabbed a large steak knife. Em’s eyes widened, and she ran towards (Y/N). “Whoa, whoa, whoa, what the hell?!

            “I’m cutting them off!” said (Y/N) fiercely. “I don’t want them!”

            Em grabbed their arm and pulled the knife away. “You can’t just go cutting them off! That’s something Lucifer would do, and he has terrible decision making skills, even if he is my boss.”

            “I—I can’t deal with this!” cried (Y/N), their hands beginning to shake in a telltale sign of anxiety. “I can’t deal with the shadows, and I sure as hell can’t deal with wings!”

            “We’ll figure this out,” said Em, holding their wrists tightly. She knew that (Y/N) was going to spiral was trying to keep them grounded. “We’ll talk to Lucifer, and we’ll figure this out!”

            “Lucifer?!” (Y/N)’s panic heightened. “No! No, no, no, he’ll think God is behind this, and then he��ll think I’m just a trick from his Father, and then he’ll abandon me, and then I’ll be alone, and—!” The hyperventilating began, and (Y/N) clutched their chest.

            “(Y/N)?” Em shook them. “(Y/N)?”

            (Y/N) couldn’t hear them. Her words weren’t registering as their mind spiraled and their breath quickened. In the midst of their panic, the edges of (Y/N)’s visioned turned dark.

            “(Y/N)!” gasped Em as they collapsed. Shit! They scrambled for her phone and rang Lucifer’s number. Come on, come on, pick up! It went to voicemail. Damn it! Em looked over at (Y/N). Looks like I’ll have to make sure you don’t do anything stupid until he comes back, then.

l

            True to their word, Em made sure that (Y/N) was kept way out of harm’s way while Lucifer had a little disappearing act. Seriously, even Maze and Amenadiel had no idea where he was, and he wasn’t answering his phone. So, every time (Y/N) began to freak out over the feathers, Em made sure to keep them from acting instinctually. Not to mention, she did her best to keep (Y/N) calm with the idea that like any other Celestial, (Y/N) could probably learn to control their wings and hide them. They’d just need Lucifer.

            Unfortunately, the subject of Lucifer not being there was another trigger since (Y/N)’s abandonment issues were a soft spot and they were worried about him. So, when Lucifer strolled into the penthouse acting like nothing had happened, Em was pissed.

            “Where were you?!” hissed Em, their usually deferential attitude towards Lucifer lost in their desire to help (Y/N).

            “It seems I was kidnapped by a strange villain called the ‘Sinnerman,’ ” said Lucifer. “And then I regained my wings in a cruel trick from my Father. I’ve been running around for answers with the Detective. I have had no time to rest.”

            “That was two days ago! Why didn’t you answer your phone?” demanded Em.

            “The Sinnerman took it,” grumbled Lucifer, pouring himself a drink. “But I don’t really see why it’s your business. I trust you were comfortable here in the penthouse.”

            “(Y/N)’s not doing well,” said Em, knowing that would knock Lucifer out of his attitude.

            Lucifer turned on her. “What? I thought my Mother didn’t hurt them.”

            Em shifted. “You should see for yourself. They’re in their room.”

            Lucifer didn’t need another direction, and he was with (Y/N) in a moment. “(Y/N)?” he said.

            “Lucifer?” (Y/N), from where they were curled up on their bed, lifted their head. “Lucifer, you’re here!” They stood to run over to him, but knowing he’d feel the slight wings on their back, they hesitated.

            “Emeranne said you weren’t doing well,” said Lucifer, approaching. (Y/N) averted their eyes. “(Y/N), tell me what’s happening. If you don’t, I’ll just find out on my own.”

            “Why weren’t you here?” asked (Y/N), trying to avoid the subject.

            “I was kidnapped by a criminal called the Sinnerman,” said Lucifer. He crossed his arms. “But answer my question.” He really was the picture of a father scolding his child.

            “I have a problem. And I’m worried you’ll…abandon me.” The words were hushed, hesitant. (Y/N) struggled to get them out.

            “Never,” promised Lucifer. I’ve realized you’re my family, my child. I’m not leaving you. “You can tell me what’s wrong.”

            “This is what’s wrong,” said (Y/N), holding out a hand. The shadows below them squirmed and crawled up their bed to reach them.

            Lucifer sucked in a breath. “You have gifts. How…How is this possible?”

            (Y/N) swallowed. “I don’t know,” they murmured. “I don’t know if your dad did anything, but I didn’t want you to think so and leave me…”

            Lucifer sat beside them and shook his head. “No. Even if this is my Father, I wouldn’t leave you because of that.”

            (Y/N) looked up at him. “Really?”

            Lucifer nodded and smirked. “I always tell the truth.”

            (Y/N) nodded. “Right…” They took a deep breath. “Then…there’s one other issue.” They turned slightly and lifted their shirt to show their back.

            Lucifer’s eyes widened. “Those are—”

            “Wings,” finished (Y/N). “Yeah, small ones, I know. They appeared when you disappeared. I…I can’t get rid of them.”

            Lucifer lifted his hand and touched the soft red feathers. Red. I haven’t seen any of my siblings with such wings. He let his wings unfold from his back, the large white feathers curling around him and (Y/N). “Here. Let me show you.”

            “Your wings—I thought you got rid of them,” said (Y/N), gazing at the beautiful wings.

            “Someone has returned them to me,” said Lucifer. “But that doesn’t matter. I’m going to show you how to hide them. And then, while I’m dealing with the Sinnerman and all of this wing-business, we’ll figure out yours as well, alright?”

            “Right,” said (Y/N), beginning to relax at his words. They trusted Lucifer to take care of them.

            “Take a deep breath,” instructed Lucifer. “Then, roll back your shoulders and picture your wings folding back into you.”

            (Y/N) breathed in deeply and rolled their shoulders. Their little red wings folded and disappeared into their back. They could still feel the weight, but their subconscious could tell the feathers weren’t showing anymore.

            “Thank you,” they murmured, leaning into Lucifer’s side.

            “Of course.” Anything for you. Lucifer wrapped his arms around them.

            “So, you got kidnapped?” asked (Y/N), eyes closing as they relaxed.

            “Yes. By the ‘Sinnerman’ as he calls himself,” said Lucifer. He knew they wanted to understand what was going while also distracting themself. He obliged after all they’d been through. “I believe he’s behind my wings returning. He’s something…dark, I’m sure of it.”

            “Do you think he’s the reason I have wings and a gift?” asked (Y/N) quietly.

            “It doesn’t matter to me how you got them. I’m not going to leave you for it,” said Lucifer. “You’re family. I don’t abandon family for something as silly as that. You’re still you.”

            (Y/N) sniffled quietly as the words brought them to tears. “Thank you, Lucifer.” Their words broke with a sob.

            Lucifer hugged them tightly and let his wings curled around them in a protective shield. He might be the Devil, but he was (Y/N)’s guardian angel.

Taglist:

@repostingmyfavs

@sammyscreencaps-13

@grippleback-galaxy-galaxy

@scarlettqueen190

@ziro-the-null-god

#adolescent antichrist #lucifer tv #lucifer x reader #lucifer fic #lucifer netflix #lucifer #x reader #x gn reader #gn reader #lucifer x teen!reader #x teen reader #x teen!reader #nb reader #x nb reader #lucifer morningstar #netflix lucifer #netflix #father figure #found family trope #found family

[jeniffercheck]

i think i believe in getting saved (it’ll hit all at once)

shivlina: canon divergent, shivlina origins pre-season 1; my take on how they could’ve gotten together. CWs below the cut.

words: 14k

read here or on ao3

cw: no scenes of actual domestic violence but there are a few detailed descriptions, self harm is mostly referenced/implied with no graphic descriptions, mental health issues is for panic attacks/anxiety. there's a lot of humor but this fic gets decently dark at some points so please be safe

-

Karolina meets Shiv Roy on a Monday.

They’re closing a deal and Logan let them know late into Sunday evening that they were expected at the office bright and early. PR would need to draft the terms immediately in ways that the media could understand, and in ways that made it look like Waystar wasn’t losing prestige or power, which Karolina couldn’t say she isn’t concerned about with every new deal they seem to take on.

This normally wouldn’t be an issue; she generally thinks she’s excited to go to work and draft press releases for these otherworldly things, type out numbers she can’t even conceive of and be one of the people who gets to go out into the world and speak it into existence, but she’d barely had time to sleep over the weekend do a different, more pressing PR crisis at Waystar. A kid died in one of the theme parks. It wasn’t their fault. The autopsy disclosed an unknown heart problem that had been triggered during a rollercoaster ride. There’s no evidence as to whether or not the ride could’ve actually been the cause, rather than the incident just occurring while he happened to be on it, but that’s not the part that Karolina is fixated on.

The autopsy didn’t include that a successful combination of CPR and defibrillation have been shown to lower the risk of death from a cardiac event related to this disease, if treated in time.

She hasn’t been able to stop thinking about the after-action report she received.

Response Time: 15 minutes.

She kept looking at the paper, wondering if maybe a Xerox machine had hidden a dot somewhere between the one and the five, or if maybe they meant to put one but then thought it was five and whichever number they erased just wasn’t erased enough. She knows she had nothing to do with it, that she has no control over the on-site medical services in a theme park three states away from her with an entire management team of their own, but it’s hard, when you’re the one making the excuses. When it’s your face they see as they’re being made.

She also knows that the report will disappear. That when she goes to lunch later, she’ll come back and they’ll just be gone, and when she mentions it again, they’ll say that page didn’t exist and that she must be mistaken. She wonders briefly if any of this is even worth it, but she doesn’t have time to contemplate because her coffee order is being announced by the pick-up bar.

She picks up the coffee, and then a voice rings out.

“I think that’s mine.”

She looks up to find a redhead, looking unamused.

“Um, no…” Karolina says, trying to get a better read on the cup’s marking, “This was my order.”

She worries that the woman is going to start a fight with her in the middle of the coffee shop, which she absolutely does not have time for, and she checks her watch, thinking about just abandoning the coffee and heading off to the office. As she does so, the woman speaks up again.

“Wait—do I know you?”

Karolina looks up again, inspecting the woman closer, and then she realizes. Shiv Roy.

“I work for Waystar,” Karolina says. “I don’t think we’ve met before.”

Karolina thinks it must be weird, knowing there’s an entire ecosystem of people who know everything about your existence, yet you know nothing of theirs.

“Are you sure?” Shiv asks. “What’s your name?”

“Karolina,” Karolina says. “I’m in the PR department.”

Shiv’s eyes widen, and an amused smirk forms across her face.

“I know you,” she says. “Your press releases were all the rage when Kendall went on his last bender.”

She’s unsure of how she should respond to one Roy sibling being amused by another’s devastatingly public mental breakdown, but she figures she should just please whichever Roy is in front of her at any given moment, and right now, that means Shiv.

“Well, I wasn’t aware I had an audience,” she says. “I’m glad he’s doing better.”

“Right,” Shiv says. “We all are.”

Karolina can’t tell whether she’s being sarcastic or genuine, but she decides she doesn’t want to know, and anyway, she needs to get into the office to get all of this theme park shit squared away before the new deal briefing. She was left with the coffee in the grabbing war, but she offers it to Shiv instead, who immediately waves her off.

“No, take it,” Shiv says. “It’ll piss my dad off if I’m late.”

She’s smirking again and the flash of unbridled rebellion in her eyes is unmissable. It’s the kind of pleasure that can only be found in a child doing something specifically to mess with their parents.

“You’re coming into the office?” Karolina asks, surprised. She can already feel her sleep schedule go to ruin at the thought of the pages and pages of internal memos and presentations she’ll have to draft about what it means for another Roy to be entering the ranks of the C-Suite.

“Just election stuff,” Shiv says, as if she were reading Karolina’s mind. “Dad doesn’t like my candidate so, he dragged me all the way out here just to let me know.”

“Kind of him,” Karolina says, feigning a smile. If she sees Shiv squint at her inquisitively, she doesn’t let it show, and she holds up the coffee in front of her. “Um, thanks, and good luck, with the uh, pissing him off.”

“See you around?” Shiv says, her words trailing off like it’s some sort of proposal that Karolina better say yes to. She finds that she wants to, but Karolina will be the first to admit she finds no pleasure in pleasing.

“Bye, Shiv,” she says, not looking back to see the expression on Shiv’s face.

—

The deal goes through, and Logan is elated. The whole room is, really, but Karolina’s been mulling over this theme park case and can’t find it in her to be happy over something as trivial as money when they’ve got a negligent death on their hands. Karolina tries to leave the room as fast as possible, to go deal with this in the peace and quiet of her own office, but Logan stops her before she can escape.

“How’s that kid?” he asks her.

She grips her laptop tight against her chest, and in the heat of the moment, she can’t stop from snapping. Albeit calmly.

“You mean the dead one?” she asks, her voice tight.

She stares at Logan, and she knows her own expression is unreadable. Everyone in the room seems to hold their breath, but she just quirks an eyebrow.

“The situation,” Logan clarifies.

“It’s under control,” Karolina confirms, which really, is all she had to say in the first place.

“Very well,” he says, gesturing for her to leave.

She ignores Shiv’s impressed gaze on her way out.

—

The parents want to sue.

Logan agrees to settle, not uncommon for theme park accidents regardless of who is the faulty party, as long as the problem can be swept away as quickly as possible and kept out of public court records. She feels sick thinking about how she’d explained the situation.

Due to the waivers upon entry into the park and the necessary warning signage for each ride, we are under no liability when a park attendee suffers a medical incident due to their own personal negligence. In this particular case, there is still cause for concern in how we administered first aid, but if we settle with the parents now, we’ll still be able to control the narrative in the media.

Then, she empties her lunch into the toilet as she recounts the lawyers telling the parents Logan’s offer.

Give them one-seven and lifetime passes.

She pushes the shame back somewhere unreachable, and when she exits the stall, one Shiv Roy is reapplying her lipstick in the mirror.

“Didn’t think that was in anymore,” Shiv says, absentmindedly.

Karolina rolls her eyes as she walks to the sink, wondering why Shiv Roy suddenly thinks they’re sparring partners.

“I ate something bad for lunch,” Karolina says, feeling annoyed that she’s even trying to explain herself at all, and she rinses out her mouth and washes her hands, hoping it’ll cleanse away even a little bit of the guilt that’s still lingering.

She can feel Shiv’s eyes on her as she dries her hands and lifts her purse onto the counter, digging through it. She successfully ignores the unwanted attention until there’s a hand in front of her, holding out a piece of gum in a sleek, silver wrapper. She stares at it for a second, and then grabs it.

“Thanks,” she says, flicking her eyes to Shiv’s through the mirror.

Shiv shrugs, closing her own bag and propping it back on her shoulder.

“I liked the way you talked back to my dad,” she says, then leaves the bathroom.

Karolina wonders if a Roy liking anything about her is a good thing.

—

Somehow, Shiv gets her number.

Her immediate thought is no, because she thinks getting involved in any capacity with the political strategist-daughter of her temperamental boss is the last thing she should consider, especially during an election year, but Shiv says it’s strictly business and that she could use some advice and just a quick round of drinks?

So, what’s the harm? Worst case, Shiv does have ulterior motives and Karolina just has to tread lightly, best case, she genuinely wants advice and Karolina gets to restore some of the karmic balance in her morally disturbed life.

That’s how she finds herself sitting at a high top in a dingy dive bar, watching a news anchor read her press release about the theme park death on national television. Her words feel so sterile being read out to her, and she tries to gauge the reactions of the other patrons of the bar, but it doesn’t seem like anyone’s paying attention. She suddenly wonders if she cared too much, but then she remembers the way the mother had cried during the legal proceedings, and she doesn’t think she could have ever cared enough.

By the time Shiv shows up, Karolina’s on edge.

“Shiv, I’m not really authorized to give out advice that might conflict with the interests of Waystar,” she warns.

“The conflicts are all economic,” Shiv waves off. “Tax breaks and antitrust. Nothing that’ll take down the company, I promise.”

She’s not sure how much a promise is worth coming from Shiv, but she decides to stay cordial.

“Sure,” Karolina says. She’s also not sure how much the economy would warrant such a lengthy visit from his youngest child, but she lets it slide. ‘So, what do you need help with?”

“Narrative,” Shiv says. “How to spin something ugly, in your favor.”

Karolina’s strength.

“How ugly?” she asks.

“Pretty ugly.”

A number of options run through Karolina’s mind.

Denial. Payouts. Intimidation. Convoluted paper trails. Victim-blaming.

“Is this something you can stop from getting out?” she asks instead.

Shiv shakes her head, and Karolina sighs.

“For a political candidate, you obviously need to be in control. Ten steps ahead,” she says. “Simply ignoring allegations creates a sense of distrust but addressing them head-on after they’ve come out or minimizing them feels dishonest, especially if this is going to be a big story.”

“So…what?” Shiv asks, “You admit to it?”

“Whatever you say, it needs to be believable, and you need to say it first. It doesn’t have to be an admission of guilt,” Karolina says. “It can also be an admission of rehabilitation.”

Shiv writes something down in a small notebook she’d brought, and Karolina finds that she’s surprised by Shiv's reason for this meeting actually being true. Shiv looks up as she writes, and Karolina takes it as a sign to continue.

“Say it’s a DUI charge,” Karolina says. “You emphasize that the client has worked hard to move on from a troubled time in their past and they’ve been consistently making great strides in doing so. They attend regular AA meetings, they’ve been sober for ten years, they have a happy and wonderful family. Show that they’re human.”

“What if they’re a truly terrible human?” Shiv asks.

Karolina twists her beer bottle in her hand. It’s a fragile game, helping terrible people escape the consequences of everyday life. She just wishes she weren’t so good at it.

“Donations are a decent safety net,” Karolina says. “People like to see a rich man put his money where his mouth is.”

Shiv writes more on the notepad and Karolina takes a sip of her beer.

“I think I’ve seen one or two of these things on Kendall’s Instagram story before,” Shiv says as she looks up again.

“You have,” Karolina replies, unamused. She chews on her lip, starting to feel uneasy. “I assume it’s worse than a DUI?”

“Just a little,” Shiv says. “Any advice for something more…unconventional?”

Karolina’s been trying to avoid setting Shiv up for the truly amoral routes, but there are only a few ways that situations like this can go. Still, she opts for one of the easier-to-stomach strategies in her arsenal.

“I’d go with sex addict,” Karolina says. “It’s still stigmatized, but there’s some sympathy to be had if you’re labeling the problem as something that can be worked on. A lot of people won’t buy it but…some will.”

“That’s…” Shiv trails off.

“Horrible,” Karolina finishes for her.

“I was going to say smart,” Shiv says, “but horrible works too.”

Karolina feels sick again. She wonders if she looks it, because Shiv closes her notebook and leans back in her seat, trading her pen for a swig of beer.

“And what if you get paid the same amount, regardless of how this scandal affects the outcome of the election?”

Karolina raises her eyebrows and takes a deep breath as she thinks.

“Then…you suggest your client’s donation is very sizable, and you leave some room for legal action in their public statement, if needed,” Karolina says. “Like, that they’d be willing to speak with those they’ve affected to apologize, or something to that nature. The victim’s lawyers will come crawling.”

“And I can still sleep easy at night,” Shiv says.

Karolina averts her eyes.

“Sometimes,” she says, drinking her beer.

“Well,” Shiv says, “maybe that’s a pipe dream in this line of work.”

Karolina used to think it wasn’t, but the decisions add up. The choices add up.

“Is this your first?” she asks.

“Scandal?”

Karolina nods.

“No,” Shiv says, shaking her head. “My first as the lead, though.”

Karolina remembers her first. It was at some hedge fund straight out of college and the Chief Financial Officer was found embezzling. She wishes things were still that simple.

“You’ll get used to it,” Karolina says, seeing ATN has moved on from discussing the theme park. “Enough people won’t give a fuck.”

Shiv follows her eyes, frowning slightly at the TV. She turns back to Karolina, sympathetic eyes now boring into her. Shiv leans forward.

“I’m sorry about my dad being dismissive over that kid,” she says. “Obviously you know what he’s like, but…yeah. On behalf of the Roys. For whatever it’s worth.”

Karolina shifts in her seat. She’s not sure why this specific assignment is hitting so hard. Maybe it’s as simple as the fact that a kid died, but she’s also been running ragged the past few months with acquisition after acquisition and deal after deal. It’s possible she just needs a damn vacation.

“Thanks, Shiv,” she says. “I appreciate it, really.”

When she’s in bed that night, unable to close her eyes, she finds it doesn’t really make a difference.

—

She doesn’t see Shiv for another five weeks, until the annual Waystar Gala.

It’s usually a nice night. The Waystar team focuses on making sure the shareholders and board members feel like their money is worth something more than just brainwashing Middle America with right-wing news and shiny new cruises and theme parks. It should be a night where the executives are distracted and Karolina can slip away, not have to clean up twenty-billion messes that shouldn’t even exist, but she could never be so lucky.

The parents of the kid didn’t accept the terms of the settlement. Somehow, the red tape got muddled and the after-action report was discovered, so they’re suing for medical negligence. It’s impossible to spin now. Waystar killed a kid.

So, instead of drinking champagne and leaning against a wall somewhere with Gerri playing daughter or wife?, she’s in Logan’s suite-turned-war room, staring him down as he yells at her. He’s spouting something about, how the fuck did you miss this and this is why need killers in the room instead of soft crybabies who are worried about doing the right thing and back in my day if you died in a theme park that would just be the end of it and you’d just be fucking dead, which, Karolina doesn’t think is true, but she’s not going to argue that one with him right now. His rant goes on for a while, and she’s not brand new to being the target of his rage, but it’s definitely the most intense treatment she’s ever received, and it doesn’t help that it’s about a faulty death of a child and she’s being berated since it’s somehow her fault they got caught.

“Well?” Logan shouts when he’s finished, a cue that it’s her turn to get a word in.

“I have a meeting with legal scheduled,” Karolina says calmly. “We’re going to discuss what our exact options are, and we’ll work from there. If we have to hang some brass at the park, we will, but there’s a chance we can still sway the parents into settling if we offer enough.”

“Sure, drain my fucking pockets for a bunch of deadbeats,” Logan grumbles. “That’s all?”

“Unless you need something else?” she asks, which, she really hopes he doesn’t because she doesn’t think she can stand to be in this room longer than it takes to end the conversation. He watches her carefully, but she stands her ground, her hands gripped tight around her phone but her expression neutral.

“Fuck off,” he finally says.

She wastes no time leaving the room. Gerri knows better than to try and follow her, but Shiv tries to stop her on her way out of the suite to which she can only offer a raised hand a shaking head. She just needs to get outside. She finds her way to a staircase labeled with roof access, figuring a few floors up is quicker than fourteen floors down, and she briefly thinks about how this definitely has to be a disaster waiting to happen for the hotel, because of course, the only thing Karolina knows how to think about is managing the crises of wealthy people who have no regards for anything at all.

By the time she makes it up (the door was unlocked, by the way) she’s not entirely sure whether she’s totally out of breath due to the two flights of stairs or because she’s on the verge of needing a gallon of sedatives her in system, but her educated guess is that it’s definitely the sedatives and she should at least try to get her head on straight before she ruins her whole career because she couldn’t handle five minutes of reprimanding.

She feels the familiar swell of anxiety in her chest, and although it makes her feel better to know she’s not suddenly become a ‘soft crybaby,’ it doesn’t make her feel better to know an issue she thought was behind her is back, because really, the timing could not be worse. She frantically digs through her purse, hoping for some odd reason there’s a pill left over, but there’s nothing, her old emergency stash gone from years of dormancy. Her back is turned to the door she came out of, but she can hear the door swing open and a pair of heels slick toward her.

If she could just find a cigarette.

“How do you do that?” Shiv’s voice rings out, though it sounds distant and muffled, and she finally finds a smoke and a lighter.

She turns around, not quite able to figure out what Shiv is referencing. She’s using everything in her to just stay calm, hoping the encouraging infusion of nicotine can help soothe her quickly rising panic levels. Except she can’t hold her fucking hand steady enough to spark the lighter.

“Do what?” she asks, cigarette hanging out of her mouth and lungs inflating and deflating at a very rapid pace. She tries to spark the lighter again, but her shaking hand shifts just as she gets it and the flame nicks her thumb, causing her to drop the lighter in a quick yelp of pain, “Fuck!”

“Woah, woah,” Shiv says, rushing forward. She bends down and picks up the lighter, “It’s okay, come on, I’ll do it.”

Karolina looks to her briefly, still confused as to why Shiv’s even on the roof with her, but she nods, raising the cigarette back to her mouth, hand still trembling at an embarrassingly high rate. Shiv lights it and Karolina closes her eyes as she inhales, welcoming the dizzying distraction for the few seconds it lingers. She holds the smoke in for as long as she physically can, and then blows it out into a steady stream, making her way to a wall across from the edge of the rooftop. She leans against it, grateful she can move some of her energy from trying not to fall over to trying to breathe, and Shiv follows her.

“I didn’t know you smoked,” Shiv says, and Karolina thinks it’s a stupid thing to say, because why would Shiv even know whether or not she smoked?

“I don’t,” she says. “I quit.”

“Well, you’re doing a great job,” Shiv says, laughing to herself.

Karolina might laugh if they were under any other circumstance, but she can’t and she feels bad because her attempt probably comes out more like a strangled gasp of air than anything else. She’s definitely still a misstep away from hyperventilating her lungs out, so she can’t find it in herself to feel too bad.

“Sorry,” Shiv then backtracks, “I can leave—if you need—”

“No,” Karolina says, surprising herself. “You can stay.”

“Okay,” Shiv says. “Okay. Yeah, um…I’ll just, I’ll be right here.”

Karolina nods, closing her eyes and resting her head against the cool brick of the roof. Her neck tingles as she does so, but before she can spiral about what that means, she tries to focus on Shiv’s presence, the shifting of her dress against the brick and the sounds her heels make as she gets comfortable. She just tries to breathe through it, waiting for her body to catch up with her mind and realize she’s not in any immediate danger.

“I saw your, um…fuck—your story break,” Karolina says between deep breaths. She thinks she must sound incredibly silly trying to have a conversation like this when she can barely even breathe, but she thinks a conversation might help her through it. Force her to find some semblance of air. “The supportive wife on Good Morning America—it was a, um, it was a nice touch.”

She can’t gauge Shiv’s reaction, because her eyes are still closed, but she seems to take the hint as she carries the conversation on like nothing is actually wrong and they’re just casually having a smoke out on a rooftop.

“Well, I thought about the strategy you proposed, you know, victimize and humanize the client, so when the wife seemed amenable, I thought, why not take it one step further and turn the whole family unit into victims?” Shiv says. “If his wife can forgive him, you can too.”

“You gonna vote for him?” Karolina asks.

“You know, unfortunately, I’m still not a registered voter in the District of Columbia,” Shiv says, feigning disappointment. “So, I’ll just have to sit this one out.”

Karolina laughs, very briefly, trading it inward for another shallow breath. She pushes herself against the back wall harder, just willing it to keep her steady enough to not fucking topple to the ground.

“You sure you don’t want me to get someone?” Shiv asks. “Something?”

Karolina tries to think, but she can’t really go beyond what’s in front of her, and right now, that’s Shiv.

“I don’t know, um…the talking—that was helping,” Karolina manages to get out.

“Okay,” Shiv says, sounding slightly nervous. “Uh, beautiful weather out here to have a panic attack in, really, I must say. You picked a great night.”

Karolina can’t help her eyes from opening at that, even cracking a smile through the labored breaths.

“Jesus,” she says. “That was bad.”

“Well, this isn’t really something they teach you about in political strategist school, so,” Shiv says, though she looks a little proud of herself for the small bit of progress, even if wasn’t intentional.

“Maybe not when you buy your way through a degree,” Karolina says. She’s not sure the remark has her usual bite, which is probably good because it’s a risky joke when she doesn’t know Shiv that well, but Shiv actually laughs once Karolina’s said it.

“Fuck off,” Shiv says, an unlike her father, it sounds warm and comforting and she actually has a ghost of a smile.

Karolina tries backing off the wall, just a little bit, but the sudden movement brings back another bout of dizziness. She brings a hand to her forehead, as if she can somehow just will it to pass, but the aggressive thinking just sends her nerves skyrocketing again, as if she’s in quicksand and the struggle keeps making it worse. She tries quickly turning around, resting an arm against the wall and she hangs her head in the space next to arm, hoping the small enclosure can somehow create a false sense of stability.

“I’m sorry,” Karolina says. “I just need another second.”

She thinks she probably needs more than just a second, and she’s sure Shiv can guess that too, but Shiv obliges, and Karolina uses the silence to actually focus on her breathing, counting ins and outs, until the pattern is a little less erratic. Shiv doesn’t speak again until Karolina’s turned back around, no longer stumbling at just trying to stand.

“Does this happen often?” Shiv asks, her voice softer than Karolina has ever heard from her.

“Not anymore,” Karolina manages to say, and then immediately regrets it, because this is Shiv Roy and there’s really no reason to be divulging anything to her at all like she’s some kind of emotional dumping ground.

“I’m sorry, I—I shouldn’t—” Karolina shakes her head, still battling to find words in her malfunctioning head. “You can go. You don’t have to stay.”

“What, and go back down to that reenactment of the House of Usher?” Shiv chuckles. “I’d rather be up here. Watch the family crumble from afar.”

Karolina goes to take another drag of the cigarette, but it’s mostly burned out. Her hand is still shaking, though far less, and she’s able to take a steadier huff than before, getting what she can out of it and dropping it to the ground.

“Didn’t the whole house fall?” Karolina asks. “I’m not sure the roof would be the best place to stand.”

“In that case…” Shiv sounds nervous. “Do you want to get out of here?”

Karolina raps her knuckles against the wall, the statement makes her breath hitch again.

“To go where?”

“Uh, presumably an apartment,” Shiv says. “With a bed.”

Karolina laughs nervously and eyes Shiv, Shiv just staring back at her with a smug smile. Karolina stops laughing.

“Shiv, I don’t know what makes you think—”

“I’m joking,” Shiv says.

Karolina immediately sighs a relieved breath of air, nearly having forgotten that she was supposed to be trying to breathe at all.

“I mean, unless young, business-savvy redheads are your type,” Shiv says, still shining a sickeningly arrogant smile. “Though, maybe you’ve been eying one of the geriatrics downstairs? Might be tough competition for me.”

“God,” Karolina says, Shiv’s words finally making her laugh for real.

Shiv looks almost a little too proud of herself for making Karolina fully smile, and she wonders if there’s any hint of truth in Shiv’s initial invite, but she tries to not let her mind even go there. She does think it would be nice to just rid herself of this evening, but…with Shiv?

A softer expression then takes hold of Shiv’s face, and Karolina’s again surprised at this nicer side of a Roy. She wasn’t actually sure any of the bloodline had it in them.

“I’m serious, why don’t we just blow this fucking raisin farm,” she says. “Crack open a bottle of wine, get out of these heels…shit talk my dad?”

Karolina almost wants to say yes, but then she remembers the mountain of new paperwork she still has to get through the pounding headache that she knows is due any second.

“I appreciate the offer, really, but I think I just need to go home,” she says, hoping she comes across as genuine. For whatever reason, there’s still a small part of her that would like to take Shiv up on it. Maybe she would have if the night turned out differently. Shiv seems to accept the response easily, though Karolina’s sure Shiv is a pusher under the right conditions. In any case, she does feel ready to sleep for the next three days, and she knows it’s the right thing to do, so she texts Gerri to let her know that she hasn’t offed herself and that she’s just going to go home for the night, and pulls up her car service app.

“Hey, at least let me get you a ride?” Shiv asks, gesturing to Karolina’s phone. “Just so I know you’re okay.”

Karolina isn’t shocked at the gesture. She thinks maybe if her father treated employees like this, she’d also go out of her way to avoid a lawsuit waiting to happen, but there’s also a certain vulnerability to Shiv’s tone, like maybe she is doing it completely out of the goodness of her own heart. Maybe a small part of Karolina is hoping Shiv is doing it for selfish reasons as well. She’s finding that despite the circumstance, some small part of her has actually been enjoying Shiv’s company.

“Okay,” she finally says, nodding her head. “Um, and thank you for, you know, this…”

Her voice trails off, because really, she’d lying if she said she wasn’t a little embarrassed.

“Don’t mention it,” Shiv says. “I’ve seen worse.”

Karolina thinks back to her last Kendall Roy press release and cringes, deridingly feeling less bad about her episode. She follows Shiv to valet, and she uses the car ride to regain some of her energy, letting the potholes and honking taxis lull her back into a state of semi-normalcy. Shiv seems to respect the quiet, not really speaking beyond offering her water and asking whether she prefers the radio on or off, and Karolina feels a little bad that she’d underestimated Shiv’s capacity for genuineness.

When they get to her apartment, she pretends like she doesn’t want to change her mind and invite Shiv up.

—

Shiv starts texting her.

It beings with a checkup, asking her how she’s feeling and if Shiv can do anything for her, which, fine, fair enough, but then she starts texting more. Asking Karolina how her day’s going, sending her funny (in Shiv’s opinion) headlines about her brothers, asking for Karolina’s thoughts on her work, making suggestive passes that Karolina has to constantly dodge. She doesn’t notice at which point she gives into it, only realizing she’s gone too far when Shiv says she’s going to be back in town again for a few days and asks if they can go out to dinner. No, not asks. Insists.

Karolina, in all her stature and fortitude, can’t find it in her to say no.

Which has her rushing into a crowded restaurant after work on Friday night,

 “No worries,” Shiv says. “I’ve been having fun trying to guess what kind of fire you could’ve been putting out so late on a Friday. I wrote down my best guess, wanna hear them?”

“Sure,” Karolina says, her voice letting Shiv know that this is an indulgence and not anything more.

Shiv laughs to herself as she pulls out the list, and Karolina finds it cute.

“Ready?” Shiv asks.

“As I’ll ever be,” Karolina says.

“Karl and Frank have been outed as lovers?”

Karolina nearly chokes on her wine, “Karl wishes.”

“Dad purchased a sex shop chain.”

Karolina quirks an eyebrow, thinking Shiv sounds suspiciously hopeful about that one.

“That would be fun to explain to ATN viewers,” Karolina says. “But no.”

“Boring,” Shiv huffs. “Okay, next one. Roman gave out MDMA at his keynote?”

Karolina thinks her expression must actually be horrified, because Shiv immediately defends the guess.

“Don’t act like he wouldn’t do it,” Shiv says.

“I don’t even want to speak that into existence, Shiv,” Karolina says, letting out a disbelieving laugh. “That would be the worst day of my life.”

“And it would be the best day of mine,” Shiv says, as if she’s waxing poetic. “Okay. Ready for the last one?”

“I’m not sure I am,” she says, eying the crowd in the restaurant. Their table is secluded enough, but it takes one person hearing Shiv Roy out of context and running to page 6 to create a media frenzy. “But go on.”

“Shiv Roy and Karolina Novotney seen on a date?”

Karolina tries her best to look unamused, though she thinks she’s failing miserably, because she can feel her lip twitch upwards just a fraction, and Shiv can’t be bothered to wipe a dramatically shit-eating grin off her face.

“Close,” Karolina says, teasingly.

“Oh really?” Shiv asks, looking smug as ever.

Karolina rolls her eyes, mostly playfully, but then her expression falters a bit when she thinks about the actual hold-up. “It was the last of the theme park settlement. We were stuck in litigation all day, but the parents ultimately agreed to the settlement.”

Shiv leans forward across the table, all hints of humor discarded.

“And?”

Karolina looks down.

“Airtight NDA,” she says.

Shiv makes a noise of disapproval.

“Silenced,” Shiv says.

Karolina shrugs, “It’s what your father wanted.”

At least, that’s what she tries to keep telling herself.

“My dad also wants four wives and to own the entire island of Manhattan,” Shiv says, taking a sip of her wine. “Doesn’t mean it’s a good thing.”

Karolina can’t help her defenses rise.

“I’m not saying it’s right, Shiv,” she says. “I’m just saying it like it is.”

Shiv immediately looks sorry, and Karolina feels bad for snapping.

“Of course not,” Shiv says. “You’re just doing your job, I know.”

Karolina isn’t sure how to respond, worried that all she’s good for lately is just souring the mood, but Shiv seems intent on making it a good dinner.

“Hey, we’re due for a subject change, yeah?” Shiv says. “You grow up around here?”

“Pittsburg,” Karolina says. “I moved down here for college. Never left.”

“Really?” Shiv asks, intrigued. “What school?”

“Columbia,” Karolina says, and Shiv suddenly looks excited?

“I went to Barnard,” she says.

And Karolina can’t help but roll her eyes, because—

“Of course you did,” she says.

Shiv rolls her eyes in return, but then leans closer across the table, as if she needs to whisper.

“This kind of makes us sisters, doesn’t it?”

She wags her eyebrows and Karolina can’t help herself from falling to the bait.

“I hope not,” she says, and Shiv wastes no time going in.

“Oh, so you don’t want to be sisters?” she asks, feigning offense, then confusion. “I wonder why that is?”

Karolina pauses, knowing she has to tread lightly for the rest of this conversation.

“Shiv, I don’t think we should even go there.”

“Come on,” Shiv whines. “I can’t even make a joke?”

“Well, are you joking?”

Shiv seems to think, and then rests her chin in her palm, elbow on the table.

“Do you want me to be joking?”

Shiv sits there expectantly, waiting so patiently it’s almost defiant, and Karolina wills herself to just shut Shiv down.

“You are…” she trails off.

“Diabolical? Conniving? I’ve always been partial to cu—”

“Very pretty,” Karolina finishes.

Shiv pauses. She looks extremely satisfied, but not like she thinks she’s won yet.

“But?” Shiv asks.

“But,” Karolina draws out, “You’re my boss’s daughter.”

“Well, what, are you gonna send him a detailed report in the morning if we have sexual intercourse?” Shiv laughs. “He’s not gonna know.”

Karolina looks around, still concerned there could be prying ears or eyes, and she subconsciously toys with the silverware in front of her.

“I can’t assure that,” Karolina says, quirking an eyebrow at Shiv.

“If I want to keep my inheritance, you sure as shit can,” Shiv says. “Which I very much do.”

Karolina fully believes her on that front, but she’s still not sold on the idea. She likes Shiv, she really does, but…is this too far?

“Shiv, I really don’t think it’s appropriate.”

“I’m sorry, is there a clause somewhere in your contract that says it isn’t allowed?” Shiv asks. “You know my dad has been trying to pawn me off of the12th floor for years, right?”

Karolina eyes Shiv closely, looking for any hint of a set-up, or disingenuousness. She downs the rest of her wine, just as the waiter arrives with their meal.

“Buy my dinner and I’ll think about it.”

Shiv smirks.

“Deal.”

—

It’s not until they’re halfway undressed in Shiv’s bed, and Karolina’s hovering over her that Shiv says it.

“I have a boyfriend, by the way,” she says, hands paused around Karolina’s waist. “Do you care?”

Her immediate thought is yes, and this is wrong, and we shouldn’t be doing this, but she thinks through all of the truly awful shit she’s done recently and thinks that this won’t even take the cake. Fuck it.

“Do you?”

—

It doesn’t become a regular thing, but it’s about as regular as it can get when Shiv is constantly between DC and NYC. Karolina tries not to think about it too often. She keeps her head down and does her work, she dodges the usual comments and questions about her love life from male clients, she dodges Gerri’s questioning gaze when her answers seem less snarky and more serious than usual. So, maybe she isn’t keeping her head down, but it’s like, mid-level, for sure. And besides, does she have to entertain sleazy men all the time?

Shiv texts her more frequently, sending her something funny she thinks they’ll both enjoy or send something suggestive that she thinks Karolina will enjoy, which no, she doesn’t think it’s a crime for banning Shiv from trying to sext while she’s at work. That issue comes to a head when they’re on the jet traveling for a business meeting, and she can’t help but scrunch her face at Shiv texting, “Come on, everyone does it,” because, really, everyone?

“What is it?” Gerri says, at the same time Karl pipes up, “Bad news?” and she wonders how used they are to her being stoic as a fucking stone that the one time her expression shows any emotion, they think the company is on the verge of collapse. Though, she does fear for the health of the lot if they found out she’s fucking Shiv Roy while twenty-thousand feet up in the air.

“Nothing,” Karolina says, locking her phone. “I just read something.”

“Oh,” Karl muses sarcastically, “You just read something.”

He and Frank still look uneasy, but Gerri just looks suspicious. Karolina eyes her and Gerri pulls a face, as if to say, the fuck? and Karolina just makes a face back, as if to say, shut the fuck up, until she remembers that when a man is being annoying, she’s supposed to be snarky. That’s normal for her. Karolina Novotney makes fun of men and is definitely not fuck-buddies with Logan Roy’s daughter.

“I did,” she finally says. “Do you still remember how to read, Karl?”

His face freezes in the way that he knows he’s been bested, and Gerri and Frank just laugh at him until Logan shouts from the other end of the cabin and they all simmer down like a bunch of school children who have just been put in quiet time.

She resists picking up her phone for the rest of the flight.

—

Situations like that continue, Shiv pushing and pulling and Karolina trying her best to stay malleable. She’s having fun, she is, but she can’t stop thinking about Shiv’s boyfriend, how he’d feel if he found out. It’d be one thing if Karolina didn’t know, but the fact that she does and she’s still a willing participant—it doesn’t feel good. She lets it break her one night when Shiv is in town and they’re having one of their usual meets and she catches a glance at Shiv’s lock screen. He keeps texting her. Karolina does everything she can to not read his name, but she knows it’s him, especially since by the third ding she just flips the phone over.

“Shiv—wait,” Karolina says, lightly pushing Shiv off of her.

“What’s wrong?” Shiv immediately asks, eyes giving Karolina a once-over. She suddenly feels self-conscious in the bed, pants already gone and shirt almost entirely unbuttoned.

“Nothing,” Karolina says, almost as if on instinct, but then, “Not nothing, I’m just…I feel like this is…wrong.”

Karolina’s eyes quickly dart in the direction of the phone, and Shiv’s follow. Shiv sighs, and Karolina thinks if Shiv could pick any superpower in the world right now, she’d figure out how to explode common objects with her eyes.

“You’re worried about Nate?” Shiv asks, and Karolina wishes she didn’t just give him a name because it only makes this all a million times worse.

“It’s not really a nice thing to do to someone, Shiv,” Karolina says. “Fucking his girlfriend when I know he exists.”

Shiv scoffs, and Karolina braces herself for impact.

“You just successfully paid off a family suing Waystar for killing their kid and you’re worried about fucking over a guy you don’t even know?”

In Shiv’s defense, she does seem to regret the words as soon as they come out of her mouth, but the damage is already done once they do. Karolina tries to let them roll off of her, but a blatant reminder of the fact that she’s complete and utter shit doesn’t really help, especially when she hasn’t even finished beating herself up over it just yet. She gets out of the bed silently, not even able to look at Shiv (out of anger or shame, she’s not quite sure) and starts buttoning up her shirt.

“I shouldn’t have said that,” Shiv says, following her out of bed. “That wasn’t fair of me—”

“I know I’m not a good person, Shiv…it’s not some, secret,” Karolina says. “I go to work, and I cover up bad behavior and I make awful people sound like saints and I do it with a smile on my face because I’m good at it, I am. But I don’t need that to follow me home.”

“That’s not—”

“If I can just have one piece of my life where I’m not a villain just for existing, that would keep me sane,” Karolina says. “So, no, I don’t want to be your fucking—homewrecker, Shiv. I don’t need to imagine the upset face of your boyfriend every time I close my eyes, and I certainly don’t need the excess guilt, because I promise you, I already have enough.”

Her chest heaves and she has to take a few deep breaths to stop herself from completely breaking down over the outburst. She makes a mental note to schedule someone to talk to, because really, this is getting out of hand, but it certainly doesn’t help when your fuck-buddy insinuates that you personally covered up a murder.

Shiv seems slightly frozen in place, and Karolina gets it, because how can this girl even think about other people as if they’re humans with feelings when it’s blatantly clear that nobody has ever extended that same care to her?

“Karolina, I—”

“It’s okay,” Karolina interrupts, “It’s okay, Shiv, I’m sorry, that was—”

Shiv nods along encouragingly with a type of patience that feels almost undeserved when Karolina is the one that keeps putting them both in this fucking tired savior dynamic, but she really feels like this moment might be her breaking point because she doesn’t know how much longer she can keep pretending that it doesn’t feel like she walked into that theme park and ripped out that child’s heart herself.

“Will you just…I mean can you—can you just hug me?” she feels stupid for asking, she feels stupid standing here in Shiv’s penthouse just being absolutely pathetic, but she doesn’t know what else to do.

“Okay,” Shiv says quietly, and although there’s a supportive lull to her voice, the hug is still hesitant.

It’s not until Karolina actually starts crying that Shiv seems to understand that Karolina just needs to be comforted, and Karolina can feel this realization when Shiv just holds her tighter and then brings them back to the bed. Shiv lets Karolina lay in her arms, and she plays with Karolina’s hair, and occasionally whispers something that Karolina’s too distracted to understand but likes the sound of anyway, and she wishes that Shiv thought more highly of herself as a person who can be there for others, because she’s doing a pretty good job at it.

Sometime later, when Karolina’s stopped and she thinks Shiv has fallen asleep, Shiv speaks up.

“I’m breaking up with Nate.”

Which, Karolina doesn’t necessarily believe because it would’ve made the night a lot better if it had been brought up sooner, and she also doesn’t want to believe it because what does it mean if Shiv’s out there breaking up with people just so they can continue to fool around?

“Shiv, I’m not trying to give you an ultimatum here,” Karolina says, voice tired. “And I don’t want you to lie to me, either.”

If Shiv takes offense to the accusation, she doesn’t let it show. She just sighs and plays with Karolina’s hair again, and turns off the bedside lamp illuminating the room.

“It was a dead-end relationship long before you came into the picture.”

For some reason, Karolina believes that.

—

Shiv didn’t lie to her.

Karolina’s not a stalker, but it is her job to keep tabs on people, so why not keep tabs on the one person who happens to be with the same person she’s…involved with? The tabs are showing that he has a new girlfriend. Some blonde off of Capitol Hill with a degree from Georgetown and a few low-profile successes. A downgrade from Shiv. Karolina feels another twinge of guilt still lingering from the situation, but she’s been dealing with it better, thanks to actually following through with speaking to someone.

She tries to remember phrases like healthy guilt and unhealthy guilt. The theme park payoff is a grey area, but at the end of the day, she was just doing her job. Being the messenger doesn’t make you the bad guy: unhealthy guilty.

Fucking a woman who told you she had a boyfriend, but recognizing you were doing something wrong and attempting to fix it, only for her to break his heart: unhealthy guilt.

She finds it works for her, being able to put things into boxes and categories. She can be more rational about it all that way.

“I’m glad it’s helping,” Shiv says, one night as they’re laying on the couch after dinner. She’d been back in town more frequently because she has a high-profile election coming up that’s going to keep her busy. She said she wanted to spend all the time with Karolina that she could get. They’ve had a rotation of movies on that neither of them is paying attention to, just enjoying one another’s company.

“Me too,” Karolina says, shifting her arms closer around Shiv. “Thank you, for being there.”

Shiv just shrugs, always nonchalant when it comes to accepting gratitude.

“Just promise to be there for me too when I’m going through my menopausal midlife crisis.”

Karolina can’t see her face, but she can certainly hear the smirk in Shiv’s words, and she just scoffs.

“Just remember who’s controlling the PR narrative when you do,” she replies, and Shiv laughs, then looks up.

“You know you’d make me look like an angel,” Shiv says, then mimicking Karolina’s voice, “Waystar Royco is aware of Shiv Roy’s recent behavior and the Roy family is taking all of the measures necessary to ensure she is receiving the proper care at this time—”

Karolina rolls her eyes.

“How am I doing?” Shiv asks. Her playfulness has been the biggest surprise in getting to know her.

“Sounds like someone reads all of my press releases.”

“Well, you know I’m your biggest fan,” Shiv says, smiling.

Karolina blushes, something she’s found herself doing more and more around Shiv recently.

“I think I’m going to put in for a promotion at the end of the year,” Karolina says. Shiv looks surprised, but she definitely doesn’t look worried, so that has to be a good sign, right?

“Oh?” Shiv says. “Feeling bossy?”

The one thing that hasn’t surprised her is Shiv’s ability to make an innuendo out of any situation. Karolina knows she must pull a face because Shiv’s immediately sitting up, giving Karolina her undivided attention.

“Come on, tell me about this promotion,” she says.

“My boss suggested to me that he might be leaving,” Karolina explains. Hugo from Cruises has also been eying the position for a while, but, I don’t know. I think I’m better.”

“Well, my dad certainly likes you,” Shiv says.

Karolina frowns.

“You think?”

“You’re like, the only person I’ve never seen him insult for longer than a sentence without giving up,” Shiv says. “I think he respects you.”

“As much as he can respect a woman,” Karolina says.

“Still more than some people get,” Shiv says.

Karolina nods, letting that thought sit.

“I think you’d do amazing,” Shiv says. “You’re already doing half the leg work. They’d fall apart without you.”

Shiv lays back down, settling into Karolina’s chest again.

“Thanks, Shiv.”

Shiv just squeezes Karolina’s hand and turns her attention back to the movie. They’re like that for a while, and Karolina’s just getting into the plot again when Shiv speaks.

“Do you think we could ever…” she pauses. “Be a real couple?”

The question sends a sharp pang through her stomach. She’d be lying if she said she hadn’t thought about it. She’d also be lying if she told Shiv yes.

“I think if you want your father in your life and I want to continue having a career…” she shakes her head, not wanting to finish the sentence. “I don’t know, Shiv. I don’t think so.”

“It could work out,” Shiv reasons. “Maybe he’d find the idea of lesbians hot.”

“You’ve been hanging out with Roman too much,” Karolina says, not wanting to even consider the idea of Logan finding her hot.

“I think that would hurt Roman’s feelings if he knew you’ve been saying that,” Shiv says.

“He’ll cope,” Karolina says, eyes following some train-based action sequence that’s on the television.

“I’m not being serious-serious,” Shiv says, continuing the main conversation. “I just…think about it sometimes.”

Karolina sighs. This conversation just makes her sad, because she genuinely believes that it would be a dramatic fall from grace for Shiv if they were to actually do it.

“Maybe if you found another billionaire-heiress your own age who wasn’t in a high-level position at his flagship company,” Karolina says. “Maybe he’d stomach it enough to not disown you.”

“He’s not that bad,” Shiv says, though it doesn’t sound like she necessarily believes herself, and Karolina hesitates on responding.

She likes to think Logan might not be that bad deep down, but she hears the things he says behind closed doors and cleans the messes he makes in front of open ones. She’s sure Shiv’s seen more and worse, though, so she won’t press it. It’s not for her to decide whether or not Shiv should believe there’s good in her father.

“What’s your dad like?” Shiv asks.

Karolina’s breath hitches slightly at the question, and she knows Shiv isn’t going to get the answer she wants. She briefly considers lying, like it’ll help them both somehow if there’s an imaginary good father between them, but it’s useless.

“He was a very sad man who liked to hit my mother,” Karolina admits.

Shiv’s hand twitches against Karolina’s torso. Karolina doesn’t really scream issues the way Shiv and her siblings do, but she thinks that maybe it’s different when your dad isn’t the founder of a multi-billion-dollar Fortune 500. Maybe there’s less pressure to stay. Karolina’s father never had to pretend to love her. He just pretended to not hate her.

“Did he ever hit you?” Shiv asks.

Karolina thinks it would be a more upsetting question coming from anyone else. Because it is, a prying and awful question that she feels sick just even thinking about, but she finds she feels comfortable with Shiv. Maybe it was that first night on the rooftop, or maybe even as far back as the gum in the bathroom, but Shiv has consistently shown up for her. Karolina trusts her.

“Once,” Karolina says. “Right before I went away to college.”

He was mad that she was leaving. Mad she figured it all out without him, mad that he wasn’t a better father. Sometimes, if she’s not paying attention it’ll creep up on her, the way he slammed her against the wall of their living room and the picture frames behind her just shattered to the floor. How she had to sleep on her side for the first two weeks of school because she’d had to get stitched on the back of her neck and she couldn’t lay down any other way. The way he’d slapped her and pointed his finger in her face and just yelled when she tried to fight back.

Shiv just nods, like this all makes perfect sense. Like this is just how fathers should be expected to behave.

“Sometimes I wish he would just finally hit me,” Shiv says. “Then it might be easier to hate him.”

Karolina just holds Shiv tighter, intertwining their hands together. Shiv rubs her thumb along the side of Karolina’s hand, and Karolina battles all the different words swirling around in her head.

“It wouldn’t be,” she eventually says.

—

Shiv goes back to DC to work with the client. She calls Karolina a lot, like when she’s commuting to work or waiting for the office’s lunch order. Karolina laughs at her because she thinks it’s funny imagining Shiv Roy picking up the group lunch order for an office, but Shiv seems extra keen on impressing this client. Shiv won’t talk about him with her, which she does find odd.

Past clients would have her sending diaries worth of complaints and personal details, but this one gets virtually nothing out of her. At first, she thinks maybe Shiv’s just being respectful. Turning a new leaf because it’s her biggest client so far and she doesn’t want to accidentally cause trouble. Karolina can respect that.

They’re making out in Karolina’s bed, finishing off a short trip Shiv made back home for the weekend, when there’s just one question she can’t shake.

“Why don’t you ever say his name?” Karolina asks.

Shiv pauses over her immediately, one hand still on Karolina’s waist and the other much lower. She looks thoughtful, but Karolina would be lying if she didn’t think there was a twinge of annoyance in Shiv’s response.

“I don’t want this to be a thing, Karolina.”

Karolina stiffens.

She can’t help it when a shocked, “Oh,” leaves her mouth. Shiv’s fucking him.

Shiv sighs and runs a hand over her face. She reaches over Karolina and turns the lamp on, excusing herself to the bathroom.

It’s not until Shiv’s walking away from Karolina that she sees a small littering of bruises on the backs of Shiv’s arms. They don’t look new, but they don’t look old either. She tries not to jump to the worst-case scenario, especially given the new information she’s just acquired, and she pushes it to the back of her mind. Shiv likes it rough. She would know.

When Shiv returns, she just crawls back into the bed, seemingly giving up on their previous position.

“Do you want to…?” Karolina’s at a loss, because there’s usually only one thing Shiv wants, and it’s hard to stop her once she’s gotten started, but Shiv just shakes her head and lays down in Karolina’s lap.

“Ca we just stay here?” she asks.

“Of course,” Karolina says, relaxing into the pillows behind her. She runs a hand lazily through Shiv’s hair and lets her fingers brush over the remnants of the bruising she can now see up close. “Whatever you want.”

She pretends not to notice as Shiv silently cries.

—

Their calls become less frequent. The campaign trail is picking up, of course, Karolina doesn’t live under a rock, so she knows it’s a busy time, but ever since that weekend she’s been sick with worry.

After work, she decides to call Shiv and ask her to cut the shit. She’s feeling good about it, until a man picks up.

“What?” His voice is angry and mean.

“Uh…I’m sorry, is Shiv there?”

The line is silent until she thinks she hears Shiv’s voice, distant in the background of the other end.

She hears a, just give me my fucking phone, and then a, is that her? and Karolina has to stop herself from shouting at this man into the line because she’s afraid she’s already put Shiv in enough danger just by trying to call her.

There’s some indistinguishable arguing until his voice is back on the line, “Don’t call this number again,” and then the call cuts out.

She doesn’t call again, because she’s not an idiot, but she does pace for a good fifteen minutes before deciding to send Shiv an email from her burner account. It was from when they first started hanging out, and Karolina was paranoid about everything. She thinks now that maybe they were right to be careful back then, if this is where it’s led them.

She doesn’t get a response for two sleepless nights and three horrifyingly long days, until her phone wakes her up in the middle of the night, Shiv’s contact illuminating the room. It knocks the sleep out of her immediately.

“Shiv?” she says, worriedly.

“Can I come to your apartment?” Shiv asks, getting right to the point. Karolina tries to listen for anything wrong in her voice, but if there is, she’s doing a good job at hiding it.

“Where are you?” Karolina asks, turning on her lamp.

“At the airport,” Shiv says. “There’s a car coming, I—I don’t want to be—Can I just come over?”

“Yes, of course,” Karolina says. “The doorman will let you in, okay? Just come up when you’re here.”

Karolina waits anxiously in her living room. She turns on the TV, but the sound of the trashy late-night laugh-tracks becomes too overwhelming and she turns it off, opting to sit in silence while she waits, trying not to let her mind wander too much. Maybe they just got into a fight. A normal fight. She lets that thought consume her until she hears her front door handle twist, and she rushes into the foyer.

She gives Shiv space, and Shiv doesn’t say anything as she removes her coat, and then her hat, and Karolina tries to inspect her movements from the angle she’s at, but Shiv still hasn’t turned to look at her and when she starts to fuss with something in her bag it feels like might be avoiding it altogether. Karolina can feel an awful dread settle in her stomach.

“Shiv, will you please look at me?”

She can see Shiv’s eyebrow furrow and her chest rise a little faster.

“I just need to find something,” Shiv says, kneeling down with the bag. She’s still off to the side, not letting Karolina get a good view apart from her profile.

“Can you please just let me see your face?” Silence. “Shiv—”

“What?” Shiv shouts, finally fully looking at Karolina. For a moment, Karolina wishes she could go back in time and not push Shiv to turn around so quickly, because she doesn’t think she was ready for the way it feels having Shiv stare her down with a bruised and bloody eye. It’s not the worst Karolina’s ever seen, but the contrasting purples and reds on Shiv’s pale skin make it look more alarming, not to mention the fact that it’s Shiv. Her Shiv.

Shiv stands and Karolina takes a tentative step forward, careful not to invade Shiv’s space, and she notices there’s also a gash above Shiv’s eyebrows. It doesn’t look fresh, which she can only assume means this happens a few days ago, which also narrows down the suspects in confirming her suspicion.

“How’d that happen?” she asks, anyway.

Shiv looks deeply uncomfortable, and Karolina’s heart breaks at how small she looks.

“My phone, it—it hit me, accidentally,” Shiv says.

“Your phone hit you, accidentally,” Karolina says, not buying it.

Shiv nods, looking away from her.

“And was it in someone else’s hand, accidentally?” Karolina asks.

Shiv pretends to think, and Karolina can tell she’s staving off tears.

“Um..no, I think it—it might’ve been in the air, yeah,” she sniffs. “Like, maybe someone threw it.”

“So, someone threw your phone, and it accidentally hit you,” Karolina clarifies.

“But it wasn’t supposed to,” Shiv says.

“What was it supposed to hit, Shiv?”

Shiv shrugs.

“The wall?” she says, as if that makes it any better.

Which, it doesn’t. Because Karolina doesn’t buy the story and Shiv knows she doesn’t buy the story, but that’s still the only story she’ll ever get, and Karolina accepts this about Shiv. That Karolina will tear her heart open wide and Shiv will only ever meet her a quarter of the way. That doesn’t matter though, not now, at least, because Shiv clearly needs all of Karolina, whether she can face admitting it or not.

She approaches Shiv slowly, testing the waters of contact until she reaches an arm around Shiv and the floodgates finally open, anything she’d been holding in the last few months just pouring out. Karolina thinks that not long ago, the roles were reversed, but somehow, she’s not optimistic that there’s a clear way out of this one, the strange debt that Shiv thinks she owes to the various men who worm their way into her life.

For now, she just hugs Shiv and pretends like it might all be okay.

—

Shiv asks to stay for the week.

On one of the nights, Karolina finds Shiv on the balcony after waking up in the middle of the night to an empty bed. She’s toying with a carton of cigarettes, a lit one in her hand, just simmering away as Shiv watches.

“I’m pretty sure you’re supposed to use the first-hand smoke,” Karolina says, sitting down next to her. “Not the second.”

Shiv smiles, though it doesn’t nearly reach her eyes, and she taps the growing ash off of the cigarette before moving it towards Karolina, offering it to her. Karolina hesitates, thinking there are few things she could use more than a smoke right now, but decides not to take it. Shiv seems to remember then that they’ve spoken about this before.

“Sorry,” she says. “I forgot that you quit.”

“It’s okay,” Karolina says. “I’m a little grey about the rules sometimes.”

Shiv looks at her with an inquisitive gleam in her eye. That look usually means trouble, but tonight, it just feels pensive. Karolina hesitates again though, because she’s shared so much of her past with Shiv and she can’t remember the last time she let someone know this much about herself. She’s happy to share again though, if it means getting Shiv out of whatever headspace has her sitting out on a balcony at four in the morning.

“I was in a pretty serious relationship,” Karolina says. “We’d started talking about family planning, so…”

“Did you…?” Shiv’s voice drifts off, but Karolina can imagine the question.

“Get pregnant?” she finishes for Shiv, and Shiv nods. She shakes her head. “The first round didn’t take. Which isn’t uncommon, but…my partner, it gave her cold feet.”

“Was this recent?” Shiv asks, an edge of concern now coating her voice.

“No,” Karolina assures, grabbing Shiv’s empty hand in her own. “Almost ten years ago, now.”

The statement makes Karolina feel like a walking warning for Shiv. Like she better get her shit together now or she’ll end up a lonely workaholic with all those years of living and nothing material to show for it. Except Shiv doesn’t look alarmed, she just seems sad.

“Well, you’re a stronger person than me,” Shiv says. “I probably would’ve become the world’s most talented smoker after that.”

Karolina smiles sadly.

“I guess I’m good at letting things go.”

She doesn’t look at Shiv as she says it, but Shiv’s hand shifts in her own and she momentarily feels bad for saying it at all. She decides to change the topic, if only just a little bit.

“I didn’t know you smoked too,” she says. “I’ve never seen you do it.”

She feels Shiv tense up next to her.

“Oh, um…yeah, I don’t really,” Shiv says, stumbling through her answer. Karolina eyes the ashtray, noticing a couple of butts already in there, burned down to the brim, but she doesn’t think chain-smoking makes much sense for someone she’s never even seen bring a cigarette to their lips.

“You a secret pyro?” she asks, hoping to get even a small smile out of Shiv, but it doesn’t work.

“I don’t know what the fuck I am,” Shiv says, sighing. “Just, royally fucked up, maybe.”

Shiv lets go of Karolina’s hand and wraps her arm around her torso, her fingers stopping in a spot that makes Karolina go very still. She’s not sure how she didn’t put the pieces together sooner. She remembers seeing marred skin in that exact spot across Shiv’s hipbone. An inconsequential spot, the kind that nobody can ever get close enough to see unless they’re also receiving NDA and a lay in the pitch dark. It was faded then, and Karolina doesn’t think she would’ve noticed if they hadn’t screwed so many times, and when you’re paying attention to someone you like, you notice. The middle of an orgasm isn’t necessarily the time and place to ask about it though, so she never brought it up. It wasn’t her business anyway.

Right now, it feels a little bit like her business.

“Shiv…” Karolina says, sitting up. She’s sure Shiv can follow her eyes as they dart from the ash tray to Shiv’s hovering hand with the cigarette and clearly all over Shiv’s body as she looks for damage, and Shiv’s body tenses up in defense.

“No, it’s not—I haven’t done anything,” Shiv rushes out. It sounds like she’s trying to convince Karolina, but Karolina can only ever trust Shiv as far as her eye can see, and currently, she can’t see a lot.

“But you have?” Karolina asks.” Before?”

Because if Shiv can pry, then Karolina can pry too and she worries that she’s being too hard, being too mechanical, but this is scary and it’s right in front of her. Shiv looks away from her and taps more cigarette ash into the tray, the bulk of it almost burned out, as if it’s a timer that dictates when Shiv is going to stop entertaining this conversation.

“In college, I—” she cuts herself off. “I just needed something to make the pain different. Something I could see.”

Sometimes I wish he would finally just hit me.

Karolina’s breath hitches. Her gaze hovers over Shiv’s eye and Karolina wonders if she still thinks that.

“And what about right now?” Karolina asks.

Shiv cocks her head and her face twists in that way that Karolina knows she’s using everything in her to stay in a place of control.

“I just want to feel anything,” she says, in a low voice. A few silent tears finally escape her eyes, leaving tracks over the now lighter smothering of purple and yellow hues surrounding her eye. The bruise had gotten larger as it faded, trailing from her eye, to her hairline, and then slightly across her cheekbone.

Karolina shifts back next to her and coaxes Shiv into her arms, lightly taking the cigarette and putting the last of it out. If Shiv flinches at the crackle of the embers meeting the ashtray, Karolina doesn’t mention it.

Karolina knows that in the morning they won’t talk about this, that they’ll get out of bed and Shiv will say something dismissive like, “Last night was interesting, huh?” and Karolina will have to laugh it off, assure Shiv that Karolina still sees her as something formidable, like she’s not a little girl that the universe has tasked Karolina with fixing and that Karolina doesn’t hold all of the cards in their dynamic even though sometimes it feels like she actually does.

(She thinks deep down, that Shiv has to know. Every action they take, every step they’ve gone forward, has been due to Shiv’s brazenness, sure, but it’s all been contingent on Karolina saying yes. She has the power of veto, yet they both seem to ignore that until a reminder rips through their lives.)

She’ll make Shiv coffee, just the way Shiv likes it, and Shiv will spout off polling numbers for the man that Karolina is pretty sure she should find and publicly maim in the middle of Washington, and she’ll act happy. She’ll say, “That’s great, Shiv. Really, you’re doing a great job,” and Shiv will pretend she means it. It’s their dance.

Karolina thinks if she were a better person, she might not tolerate it.

—

Then, Shiv starts to slip from her. Not in noticeable ways, and not like before, but it’s noticeable to Karolina, and it feels like she’s being avoided. Like, their calls that had resumed frequency suddenly slow down again. When they do get a chance to talk it’s like Shiv is rushing through their conversations, itching to get on the line with someone else. When she asks what Shiv’s been up to, she just gets vague answers.

“Work. Sleep. Strategy meeting. Sleep. It’s all the same these days.”

Karolina tries not to care. Shiv was never hers, not really. She was an idea, a playmate. If she has to let her go, then whatever, she has to let her go, but that doesn’t stop it from hurting.

The confirmation eventually comes from the last person she ever thought it would, because Logan of all people asks Karolina the most bizarre question when he calls her in early before a morning briefing.

“What do you think about that Tom guy?” he asks.

“Tom?” she asks, feigning ignorance. Because of course she knows Tom. He’s the biggest kiss-ass below the top floor, not to mention the rumors. Which Karolina thinks should’ve been enough for her to get a clue, but maybe she was being obtuse on purpose. Maybe she thought Shiv would have the decency to tell her this time.

“From the Resorts Division,” he says. “Any rumblings about him? Errant behavior?”

Karolina has half a mind to lie, to say that she’s heard whispers that he could be trouble, that he’s a little too eager to make it to the top—but if Shiv’s happy…then fine. If it can’t be her, then fine.

“Nothing I’m privy to, sir,” she says, sending him a curt smile.

Logan makes a noise of contentment.

“Will you keep an eye on him?” he asks. “Let me know if the image down there is…inadequate.”

“Of course,” Karolina says, taking her seat.

She thinks it’s kind of fucked up that she has to give a presentation right after this news, like finding out the girl you’re fucking has probably been lying to you and seeing someone else should qualify for at least a half-day off or something, especially if your boss is the one who told you and the girl is his daughter, because really, is she seriously not even worth a, by the way?

They have plans to see each other that night. She’s going over to Shiv’s place and they’re supposed to make dinner together and do whatever the fuck it is that they do these days. How to bring it up tortures her all day until she gets there, and all she can do is act cold. She knows silent treatment is juvenile and bordering on cruelty, but she can’t help it. She’s just so angry.

“Okay,” Shiv finally says, putting her utensils down. “What’s wrong?”

The question makes Karolina halt, but then she finishes chopping the tomato in front of her, not slowing down until it’s fully cut. She slides the diced vegetable off the cutting board and into a bowl, and then sets it all down, wiping her hands clean.

“How long?” she asks, looking to Shiv.

“What?” Shiv asks, expression immediately confused.

Karolina can’t help but to roll her eyes, and she can’t stop the accusatory tone from coming out as she speaks.

“You know what.”

Which only makes Shiv angry, because if any of the Roys have a short fuse, it’s her.

“I’m not a fuckin’ mind reader, Kay,” she says.

Karolina can’t stop it as a sarcastic laugh escapes her, and she crosses her arms, still somehow in disbelief that Shiv won’t just fucking tell her.

“I seriously had to find out from Logan,” she says, almost to herself, and she turns away from Shiv.

“Yeah, still not getting whatever telepathic link you suddenly think we have,” Shiv says.

Karolina turns back around, almost willing Shiv to take the opportunity that Karolina’s giving her, to just tell her straight up so that Karolina can still pretend that Shiv cares about her the way she cares about Shiv. But Shiv doesn’t bite. It’s like Shiv can see Karolina at her worst but the one time the cards finally flipped she couldn’t take it. Shiv Roy would rather ruin it all than let Karolina be a witness to her vulnerability.

“Tom?” Karolina says, Shiv’s face finally dropping in recognition. “Does that name ring any bells?”

Shiv crosses her arms. If Karolina is going to give her a second chance to fix it, this would be the moment.

“Uh—No, I—that doesn’t sound..” Shiv clears her throat. “Doesn’t sound familiar, no.”

Karolina clearly hoped for too much.

“No?” she says. “Okay.”

She walks away from the kitchen, and starts going around the apartment, picking up various things she knows belong to her. She hadn’t realized how much their lives were intertwined at this point, and she wonders if that’s why it hurts so much. She spent so much time letting Shiv in, sharing parts of herself that nobody gets the privilege of these days and Shiv just couldn’t handle doing it back. She reminds herself that they could never be anything more than what they were, that it was always a dead end, but maybe she’d tricked herself. Let herself think briefly that they could make it work in their own, private and fucked up way.

“What are you doing?” Shiv asks, following her trail.

“I’m going home,” Karolina says, shoving her work files into her bag. “I’m going to run a bath, and I’m going to drink my wine, and I’m going to pretend you didn’t just lie straight to my fucking face.”

Shiv’s expression hardens, and she runs a hand across her face as if Karolina’s just told her something trivial that’s simply inconveniencing her day.

“Come on,” she says. “What do you want me to say?”

Karolina lets out a hostile huff of air, turning quickly from her bag to face Shiv.

“What do I want you to say?” she repeats. “How about, hey, Karolina, remember how you told me you weren’t comfortable seeing me if I was in a relationship? Well, this just in, I’ve actually been in one, so, get fucked I guess!”

She stalks away, heading for the door.

“You can’t be fucking serious,” Shiv says, quickly following her.

Karolina stops in her tracks abruptly and turns around, Shiv nearly running into her as she does so. One more chance.

“How long?” she asks.

“Queen of lies and manipulation wants to sit on moral high ground now,” Shiv says, a new bite in her voice. “Were Nate and TK not fully deserving of your mercy?”

Which is a low blow, because they’d talked about this. Karolina had almost let the guilt from Nate blow up her life and now Shiv’s weaponizing it against her. But if Shiv wants to go low, Karolina can go low.

“You’re admitting those were real relationships now?” Karolina asks. “I thought they were just placeholders for when you couldn’t find someone willing to hug you at night.”

Shiv laughs sharply, shaking her head.

“That’s real rich coming from you,” Shiv says. “At least I have people. Don’t you get lonely waiting for your young piece of ass to come visit you in secret once every two months? Might wanna get serious about love, babe. The clock’s ticking.”

Karolina’s face twists, and there are strings and strings of insults and blows she’d like to deal Shiv right now, but one simple word just takes hold.

“You’re rotten, Shiv.”

It’s at that moment that Shiv seems to realize the gravity of her actions, because she was right, Karolina is the queen of being a fucking bitch, and if she’s backing down from a fight, then you’ve probably gone too far. Shiv’s chest rises and falls in a small huff and she runs her hand through her hair, looking frustrated.

“I’m sorry,” she says, though it sounds forced and somehow, Karolina’s not quite buying that she means it.

“How long, Shiv?” she asks, even though she thinks the chances are over. She just needs to know. “I’m not asking again.”

Shiv’s body stiffens and she averts her eyes, the classic Siobhan Roy tell that Karolina is never going to get what she wants.

“I don’t know,” she says, shrugging. “A month? Two? Maybe, less—I, I don’t know, Karolina. I’m not keeping score of how many dates I’ve been on recently.”

“Jesus,” Karolina says to herself, not wanting to believe that Shiv had been lying to her for this long.

“I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal,” Shiv says, which makes Karolina snap, because Shiv does know. They’ve had endless conversations why it’s such a big deal and Shiv still chose to disrespect her. “Tom’s not even—”

“It’s not fucking about Tom, Shiv!” Karolina finally bursts. “It’s about you. Did you just think all this time we’ve been hanging out without fucking was just fucked up domestic foreplay? You’re my friend, and you lied to me. About something I really tried to trust you with.”

She thinks Shiv looks regretful, she thinks Shiv looks a little bit ashamed, and she also thinks Shiv looks sorry, but Karolina knows that she isn’t going to back down. Shiv is going to dig her heel in and make it worse because what else should she expect from a Roy who’s been backed into a corner?

“He’s never gonna know, Karolina,” Shiv argues, and Karolina can’t believe that months later they’re still having this conversation.

“But I’ll know,” Karolina says. “I’m going to have to go into work and see his fucking face every day, and the only thing I’ll be able to think about is how I’m fucking his girlfriend. Do you even care how that makes me feel?”

“I don’t see why it has to make you feel like anything,” Shiv says. “He doesn’t matter to you.”

It’s in that moment Karolina truly accepts that Shiv isn’t going to let her go. Can’t let her go. She feels like she walked into this, like from that first mischievous smile in the coffee shop she should’ve known that this would ultimately crash and burn. She sniffs, and realizes she’s crying. As she brushes away a tear, she sees the way Shiv jerks on instinct, like she knows there’s something catastrophically wrong with being the reason for Karolina to cry. Karolina just takes a calming breath.

“Shiv, I think we need to be done here.”

Shiv’s expression immediately falls, any anger and understanding immediately overcome with shock.

“You don’t mean that,” Shiv says, and if Karolina didn’t know any better, she’d think Shiv was about to start crying too.

“I do mean that,” Karolina says. “I don’t want to mean it, but I do.”

Shiv turns away from her for a second as if the mere sight of Karolina is suddenly too much, and Karolina gets it because looking at Shiv right now, it’s taking everything in her not to just fall to Shiv’s feet and take everything that she’s said back. It kind of feels like their worlds are falling apart, and in some sense, Karolina thinks they are.

“This couldn’t go on forever, right?” Karolina says, a sad resignation in her tone.

But Shiv grows slightly angry again, because Karolina knows this isn’t the outcome that she wanted, and Shiv certainly gets everything she wants. Karolina thinks that’s just what she tells herself.

“You’re making a mistake,” Shiv says, coldly.

“I’m making a choice that you don’t have the guts to make,” Karolina says.

If she were a better person, she would hug Shiv, one last time. If she were less selfish, she’d drop the act and she’d pour her heart out one last time, assure Shiv that things will be okay and one day they’ll move on from this, but she doesn’t. Instead, she picks up her bag, and those are the words Karolina leaves her with. She briefly wonders if she’s not so different from Shiv. If she also took the cowardly way out because leaving Shiv crying in her doorway was easier than begging Shiv to just be with her for real; but she’s not a better person, and she likes being selfish because it’s always been practical. Shiv Roy would’ve destroyed her, if she weren’t. Karolina almost let her.

So she goes home, and cries for a day, busying herself with emails and press inquiries and she lets it sink in all that she’s losing, all that she’s lost. She eventually finds the last of Shiv’s things, a sweater here and a book there, and ships them off, and has to move on. Pretend like none of it ever happened.

“You’ve been keeping an eye on Tom?” Logan asks one day, late into the next week. The thought of him still makes her hands curl in an undetectable fit of jealousy.

“He’s on vacation currently,” Karolina says. “There are rumblings that he went off to Paris.”

There are also rumblings that Siobhan Roy was spotted in Paris with a mystery man. Karolina swallows the anger of knowing he won, and she thinks it’s stupid, because he didn’t even know there was competition.

Logan seems pleased with the update, and she’s sure he’s seen the tabloids anyway.

“Very well,” he says.

When she goes to leave, he beckons her back.

“Yes, Logan?”

“I heard you put your hat in the ring to step up,” he says, shuffling papers on his desk. He pauses, and then looks up at her.

“I did, I…thought it might be time,” she says, arms wrapped tightly around her binder.

He eyes her and she holds her breath, thinking it’s funny how one man has seemingly held the key to everything in her life recently. She thinks she should hate him, then she remembers how Shiv can’t.

“We should have a talk about what that would mean for you,” Logan finally says. “Block out an appointment with Joan.”

She bites down the excitement in favor of keeping her exterior calm, simply nodding her head.

“Okay, I will,” she says. “Thank you, Logan.”

He returns to his work, not bothering to say you’re welcome, and Karolina takes that as her cue to exit the office. She unlocks her phone, not even realizing where her fingers are heading until she’s already there, hovering over Shiv’s contact. Her heart swells and her step falters for a moment. She hesitates, wanting so badly to just give in and press it. She knows she shouldn’t. She takes a deep breath, and then locks her phone.

Maybe not a better person, but at the very least, better off.

#succession #shivlina #shiv x karolina #shivlina fic #succession fic #shiv roy #karolina novotney #mine #wow #ok #duskfalls

[therealvampira]

Inktober Day 4- Undertaker (Adrian Crevan)

 Character: Undertaker x Fem! Reader

Summary: You take a relaxing bath when suddenly, Adrian comes int your home to "accompany" you- he has something special for you~

Word Count: 1836

Published: October 4, 2022- 6:11 PM EST time

 *Your POV*

        I Stepped into the steaming bath I'd drawn for myself, immersing my body in the hot water as I sat down, the fog rising from the tub as it hindered my sight, relieving any stress that remained from the day. Taking a deep breath, I splattered the warm water on myself, envisioning any worries and stress being washed away completely. The aroma of the black candle and the tea filled my nose, as I now began to relax fully, letting relief wash over me. I don't know what exactly the scent of the candle was, but it was given to me from my dear. It smelt slightly of dust, old leather, and a few notable sweet tones. 

Something you would expect to smell in an empty old house; not abandoned, just vacant and mature. Not exactly ideal, but comforting and suitable- it reminded me of my love, as the flame wick burned lower and lower.

        "I can't wait for all of this to be over at once. When can I get just a moment of peace?" I thought as I continued cleansing my body with the water. The Earl Phantomhive had been further investigating the Jack the Ripper case, and now that Adrian was involved with the issue, it has been a few exhausting weeks without him to accompany you. Not to mention, the Flower Boutique you own has had declining sales as Winter began creeping in. The Winter in England was quite harsh, and maintaining the shop would soon become troublesome. 

*Undertaker (Adrian Crevan) POV*

           ‘Poor (F/N). They've definitely gone through quite the tribulations and hardships this past month, I do hope that I can make things better for them’. I picked another flower from her shop. I know the shop is not open at this hour, but I do want to do something for them, as I've been quite absent as of late since the events of the Jack the Ripper case. But now I’ve got time on my hands now that the case has concluded, and I’d like to spend it with (F/N). As I toured around the shop, I noticed a shiny, black textile, narrow in shape. I picked up the cloth, slipping it through my fingers to fully feel the texture of the fabric. It was so light, barely holding any weight, and its silky, satin material felt cool against my skin. I had an idea. I do believe it to be quite clever, surely it will please my (F/N). It has pained me to see them endure this stress alone, without me there to accompany them like before. 

    I slipped the small narrow fabric into the pocket of my robe, as I made my way to their estate as quickly and smoothly as I could. I was compelled by the thought of them melting into my touch, hypnotized by my words, and so…desperate. Yes, desperation- such a beautiful, compelling display. 

As I approached the pathway to reach the door of their estate, I reached in my pocket, fiddling with the piece of fabric I had brought along with me from their shop. I found the door unlocked, and began my search for my dear. “(F/N)?” I called out. Still no answer. Due to the time of night, I searched for them in their bedroom. Perhaps they already retired to sleep.  “Still not in here, eh?”. Finally, I checked the bathroom, carefully opening the door as slow as possible, not wanting them to see me yet. 

My immortal eyes have never seen such luring beauty. As they faced the other way, turning their back to me, I peered through the door frame, carefully admiring every part of them I could see through the steaming water. Their wet, naked body resting in the tub, so compelling, and so luring. Their soaked hair rests on their back, as it sticks to their skin, creating such a bewitching image, that triggered something in me. Something so monstrous, yet pure in nature. 

I swiftly and silently approached them, standing behind them, careful to not let them notice me. I knelt down, and placed my hands on  the sides of their arms, moving to their shoulders. They gasped out of shock for my unannounced presence, quickly turning around to confirm it was me. “A-Adrian? Goodness, you scared me almost to death, love”. Their voice, so alluring, so hypnotizing. The way they gasped- I so desperately wanted-No-I needed to hear more of that beautiful sound that escaped their lips.

*Your POV*

         “(F/N)?” He called out. 

         “Yes, dear? What is it?”

        “Will you trust me this once? I promise you’ll be content, dear~”

          “Yes, but…Mmmff”

     Kneeling outside of the tub behind me, he caressed my face with both his hands, and appeared to me holding what seemed to be a black ribbon. Its smooth texture rubbed against my neck as he continued holding my face with his slender hands, kissing my neck in the spots that were most sensitive. My breathing grew louder and quicker, as a few gasps escaped my mouth ever so often. He paused, slowly moving the ribbon higher up my face.

“Is it alright with you if I cover your eyes this time?” He requested, holding the cloth in front of my eyes. “I promise I’ll make you feel good, you won’t have to worry about a thing”, he added. Hesitant at first, I was nervous upon hearing the request, but I decided it’d make it all the more pleasurable with all the intensity. “Mhm..Yes dear I’d love for you to do that” I replied. “Perfect!- please alert me if it is too tight or lose, or if things become too intense for you” he said reassuring me. 

    I nodded in response. Slowly, he tied the blindfold, fitting it perfectly as it completely covered my eyes, surrounding me in the darkness. I could not see anything, but I heard him remove his clothes as he stepped into the tub. As soon as I felt his being in front of me, my heart began racing, and I began breathing harder. It was then that I felt his body getting closer to mine, as he caressed my cheek. I don’t think I’ve ever felt so nervous and tense before. He took note of this, gently grazing my scalp with his nails. “It’s just me, don’t be nervous”, he reassured. Adrian pulled me up, placing me on his lap so I was straddling him as we faced each other.

*Authors POV*

           You rested your head onto his shoulder, burying your face into his skin, in an attempt to conceal your nervousness. Taking note of this, he ever so gently picked your head up from his shoulder and held your face directly in front of his, placing a gentle soft kiss on your lips. He moved his hands down to your waist, holding you down onto him while he began making out with your neck, occasionally nibbling on the skin of your chest and shoulders. 

As he grabbed your breasts, his long nails lightly brushed over the smooth skin, causing you to let out a gasp. “What's that, (F/N)?..Keep making those cute noises for me” his voice less scratchy than normal, he now spoke firmly. Barely being able to hold back, your hips began moving on their own, grinding your hips against his thigh, firmly back and forth. “Now, now…don’t get so impatient, (F/N)~”. “A-adrian, please..” you begged. He slowly moved his slender hands down your torso, stopping just above your most sensitive area, before placing a kiss on your forehead. 

Slowly, he began rubbing and pinching along the folds of your pussy, as you leaked onto his fingers, but he still kept his painfully slow, steady pace. The ever so slight feeling of his long nails brushing up against you as he pleasured you with his fingers, sent shivers down your spine. Now that you couldn’t see him with the blindfold on, your senses were heightened to the max, and every sensation you experienced felt incredible. He felt incredible. 

“I’m going to speed up a bit, (F/N)- you’ve been so good”. Relieved, you bit your lip as you awaited for him to finally go faster, getting you closer with every motion of his fingers. He gradually picked up speed, until he started going unnaturally fast. 

“Uh-Mmm..Please don’t stop..mm..Yes, just like that..keep going” you cried, barely able to speak through moans. “Not yet, (F/N)..I want us to finish together” he replied, as he pulled his hand away from your soaking pussy. 

Grabbing your hips, he pulled you down onto his until you were sitting right above the tip of his cock. “Ready?”. “Please, yes..~” you said, as you lowered your hips, taking the rest of him inside you. “(F/N), you feel so amazing around me- it’s hard to control myself.” “Then don’t”, you challenged. “As you wish, dear”.

He firmly grabbed your hips, his nails practically digging through the skin of your ass. “Nghh”, you exclaimed, holding onto him as you recovered from the sudden gesture. Still unable to see, any slight movement or shift would be of surprise to you, making each sensation all the more intense. As his cock thrusted in and out, you got wetter and wetter- his cock just almost hitting your cervix. He filled you up completely, hitting every spot inside you to make you cum. 

You bounced on his cock up and down at your own pace- as he suddenly slapped you hard across your ass, grabbing your hips as tightly as he (or you) could manage, holding you still as he thrusted with great speed, pounding himself into your aching pussy. His nails digging into your skin created a bit of a burning sensation, but felt wonderful as the endorphins ran through your body, causing you to almost feel woozy and faint. 

“A-adrian..Nghh..I’m so close..” you cried. “Just a moment..” he replied, before finally removing your blindfold. “I want to see every inch of your face as you cum all over me”. Just his lewd remark was almost enough to send you over the edge, as your thighs began to tremble, feeling yourself lose control over your movements. “(F/N)..MmmM~” he groaned, as you both got closer and closer to orgasm. Your shut closed, as you tried to catch your breath, feeling his warm, sticky cum inside of your throbbing pussy.

You practically dropped, as your head fell against his shoulder. “(F/N), let's go before you get cold, hm?” he said, lifting you from the tub as you both headed to the bedroom. “Just a moment, wait here dear” he said as he placed you under the warm covers of the bed. Returning with a towel and a small rag in hand, he gently dried your hair and body off for you. 

“Adrian…my clothes?”. “Hm? Don’t worry about that right now, we’ll get dressed later dear” He reassured, the sweet, comforting tone of his voice relaxed you, as you wrapped yourself in the covers, drifting off with your one and only love.

⚰️ 

~A kiss for you that is sorrowful, a goodbye for you that is loved

#black butler #adrian crevan #undertaker #black butler undertaker #kuroshitsuji #kinktober #sebastian michaelis #ciel phantomhive

[coffeeheartaddict2]

Everybody Hurts Sometimes (9/18)

Fireworks

Book: Open Heart (au)

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x F!MC Casey Valentine

Warnings: language, sexual content, mentions of mental health

****trigger warnings- this series deals with issues of abandonment and addiction****

Word count: 2645

Summary: The team from Edenbrook and Mass Kenmore work to find a cure, Tobias and June have a confrontation, funeral for Bobby and Ethan comes to a realisation.

Category: Angst

Rating: 18+

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Pixelberry.

Authors note: half way everyone. I know you are all thinking when does the abandonment and addiction come in well it is coming, we see some fears Ethan has about being left in this chapter and the downward spiral to come will be painful. But enjoy the next few chapters before things go south again.

🎆🎆🎆🎆🎆🎆🎆🎆🎆🎆

Casey is surprised that Ethan is entering the room.

“I can’t bear to leave you here by yourself.” He lies on the bed and Casey cuddles up beside him as best she can, given the hazmat suit.

“Won’t they miss you in the lab?”

“Maybe but as Elijah said, it is a chemistry problem and he may have gotten a reputation as a Trauma doctor but one subject Tobias did not need to try to hard to beat me in was Chemistry.”

“You still have not told me the deal between you two…”

“A story for another time, Casey.”

“I wish I could kiss you right now.”

“Me too. There are some things that I am regretting, ending things being one of them.”

“But we are together now, kind of…”

No, not really Casey. I stand by what I said when I ended it, you have always deserved more than being in a clandestine affair with me. Yes I know we were in secret in the beginning but we agreed but I did something I never thought I would do and that was fall in love and once those words were out, you deserved something open.”

What are you saying Ethan.

“I still love you Casey, I am done treating you like some dirty secret.”

Casey did not know what to think. She still loved him too but she did not want to hope that things would change anytime soon. Ethan could sense her apprehension and said they would discuss more when she pulls through.

Casey is tired and she goes to sleep. Ethan’s even breathing, giving her some of the comfort she needs.

Meanwhile in the labs, both teams are working hard. Knowing what they are dealing with was a help and each idea and theory is bringing them closer to a cure. Tobias takes a quick brain break. He stops by a vending machine to grab a snack and goes for a small walk. He goes pass the room. He sees Ethan and Casey on the bed. He can see how overwhelmed with emotion Ethan is just in his body language. A pang of guilt runs through him, for missing the signs that the assistant was hellbent on revenge.

“Don’t worry buddy, I am not letting any more death happen on my watch” he says to himself. He heads back to the labs, even more determined than when he arrived. He comes across June on his way back.

“Why so determined Carrick? Not like you. Are you and Ethan friends? or is the desire to one up him that strong?”

“God is that all you can think about? Two people have died, June, one is in a coma and god knows if Casey is going to have the same fate.”

“So people die Tobias…”

“No but these deaths could have been prevented. There were red flags that I missed and surely you did too or were you too busy scheming whatever you were scheming”

“I was not scheming…”

“What so Ethan and Casey coming to Kenmore was not some scheme of yours?”

“Well I needed information on their relationship?”

“No, you wanted the team for you…”

“Not true…”

“So you being furious when Ethan got his job back and going on sabbatical straight away was what… a figment of my imagination?”

June is affronted.

“She has no right being on the team. She slept with Ethan. To get there.

“Yeah and I have seen plenty of evidence to contradict that, also Ethan does not do sexual favours. You have told me all of her solves June. Some without the help of Ethan. All I know is your scheming to run the team has killed two people and I will fucking die trying to prevent more and just so we are crystal clear, our arrangement is over.”

He walks away. He comes back to the labs and gets stuck in.

Each new theory brings them closer and closer until finally they have a serum that attaches to the toxin and it is able to be cleared. They make two doses, one for Raf and the other for Casey. Raf gets his first, as he was the most severe case and then they go to the room to give the dose to Casey. Ethan does the honours and Tobias can see how relieved Ethan is. The teams are sent home after their marathon effort. Naveen is even appreciative for the team from Kenmore coming across. Before he left, Tobias caught up with Ethan. They agreed to meet the next morning for coffee.

Later that day the toxin was clear from Casey and the room. Ethan walked in and embraced Casey, she was then transferred to another room. Casey is exhausted so Ethan lets her rest.

That night Ethan has trouble sleeping. He knew Casey was fine but it did not stop the nightmares of losing her. He arrived at the hospital early and snuck into her room to watch her sleep. Seeing her sleep helped eased his nerves. He knew that they would need to have a discussion about them but for now he took peace in knowing that she survived. He looked at his watch and went to Derry Roasters. He ordered his and Tobias’s coffee and went to sit down. Tobias arrived just as Ethan received their coffees. Tobias made his way over.

“You remembered my order?”

“How hard is it to remember black coffee?”

“True, I am still in shock you now have milk in yours.”

“It is still black normally, but I do like the Vienna here.”

“How are you after the last few days?”

“Alive, still processing, just relieved that Casey and Rafael made it.”

“I am just glad that there was no more death to come from it.”

Ethan nods in agreement.

“I am sorry for my part in this.”

“What part?” Asked Ethan in bemusement.

“I courted the asshole, missed the red flags and told Dr Hirata what I was upto.”

“We all missed the red flags, there were a few times where looking back now I should have picked up on the assistant”

“Yeah but me telling June played into her game of finding ways to out you and Casey which lead to the heist.”

“I think we both did, even Casey seemed skeptical when she told me about it.”

“I am curious, you and Casey, how genuine? I know I said otherwise at the softball game but I have seen too many interactions between you two to make me question”

“It’s the real deal, I knew I felt something for her in her intern year whilst we were secretly treating Naveen, we went to the medical symposium and I acted on my feelings. We then decided to date in secret, I quit, she was suspended and I realized I loved her. I told her, Naveen gets cured and I dared to hope that we could keep going but Naveen took the role of chief and I was Casey’s boss. I ended it, she deserved to have her achievements not questioned and she also deserved more than a clandestine affair and if I was her boss there was no way she was getting both. I went on sabbatical and came back and the feelings were still there. We have in the last few weeks been in an arrangement but I told her I was done with that, I still love her and she deserves a relationship out in the open. I will discuss it with her in due course again.”

Tobias sat there in shock but also happy for his former friend.

“Ethan Ramsey in love, I never thought I would see the day, I am happy for you, just be careful of June, I would hate for her to ruin things for you both.”

“Thank you, not just for reaffirming that I need to keep an extra eye on June but for bringing the team over. I know you feel partially responsible for the attack but even if you weren’t, the fact that you came across speaks volumes to the physician you have become.”

“It was a pleasure, I was very determined to not let her die, if what I have heard about her professionally is true then she is going to go on to do great things.”

“She will, that is for sure.”

“It has been nice to catch up Ethan”

“It sure has Tobias, it has been too long.”

“It sure has.”

Tobias looked at his watch. He has to head back. They part ways. Both hopeful that they have taken the first step to reconciliation.

Both Casey and Raf are improving well after the attack. The funeral for Bobby and Danny is set for a week after the attack. Raf is advised to avoid the funeral, his immunity is not great but Casey has clearance to go. She is apprehensive but still goes, she needs closure. It was a moving service. She says a few words at the funeral. She wants to cry but she is emotionally numb. She is still questioning why she survived and they did not and the dreams she is having are brutal. Some are just replays of the attack, others have different outcomes. She attends the wake. It is as if she is going through the motions and she hates it. She stays to the end. Ethan stayed too, keeping his eyes on Casey. She sees him and makes her way over. She hugs him but the tears she knows are there do not come. He asks her if she would come to his tonight to which she agrees. They drive to Ethan’s in silence, Ethan reaches across the console and places his hand on her knee. Casey smiles sadly. They arrive and make their way to his apartment. They sit on the couch.

“How are you going Ethan?” She asks.

“Not good Casey, I know you are alive and I am happy about that but the fact I nearly lost you is still haunting me. I have had nightmares since that night of you dying. All I know is that I am in love with you still and not being able to say it to you again was tearing me part.”

“You still love me?”

“More than ever” says Ethan as he cups her cheek in his hand.

“I would very much like to kiss …”

Before he could get the rest of the words out Casey kissed him on the lips. He returns her kiss. They just kiss for a while.

“I want you to make love to me Ethan.” Said Casey.

Ethan wants too but he does not want to rush Casey.

“Are you sure?”

“Very much so”

He kisses her again. He gets up off the couch and picks her up bridal style and carries her to his bedroom. They enter and he kisses her again, more deeply this time. He unzips her dress whilst she unbuttons his shirt. He walks her over to his bed. She lays down and Ethan joins her. They kiss and finish disrobing each other. He kisses down her neck and across her chest, which causes Casey to moan. His hands move lower to her centre. He runs a finger through her folds and inserts two fingers. He has Casey on the edge, he positions himself so he can enter her. She mewls in protest but moans as he enters her. He starts off slow, giving her time to adjust. She moves her legs to curl around his lower back which changes the angle slightly. She starts to thrust in and out. He ups the pace and eventually she starts to clench. He knows she is close and so is he. He kisses her again and picks up the pace. Casey reaches her climax with a scream and that triggers Ethan’s. They lay there in each other's arms and Casey starts to cry.

Ethan allows her to cry. They eventually fall asleep. Casey awakes with a start from a nightmare. She is confused as to where she is. Ethan wakes up and assures her that she is ok. They fall back to sleep.

Ethan wakes up and watches her sleep, still relieved that she is alive. Casey stirs and awakens. Ethan gets up and makes breakfast and brings the tray back bed.

“Thank you Ethan.”

They eat their meal in companionable silence.

“Ethan, when I was in that room, you said you were done with being in secret. Is that still the case or did you just say that to distract me from the fact that I could have died?”

Ethan understood why Casey asked that but deep down he was still shocked that she had that thought..

“I meant it then Casey and I am meaning it now.

I never stopped loving you and even though I have enjoyed being in an arrangement, you deserve more than that.”

“But what about the concerns you had before we broke up?”

“A part of me still has those but as you said, the people whose opinions you care about know the truth and let’s be honest, you have been on the team now for several months and your record speaks for itself but I will only be open if you are ready.”

Casey kisses him.

“I am happy to be open when I come back to work Ethan.”

Ethan smiles and returns her kiss. They spend the day in bed. Despite being with Ethan, Casey was still dealing with her own demons from the attack. Casey feels that she needs to speak to a professional about it and she also wants to get back to work. They see a therapist at Edenbrook, Dr Phelps. Ethan comes with her to the appointment. Casey does better than she thinks she would coming back to Edenbrook so soon after her stay. It was sad not seeing Bobby and she knew it would be sad not seeing Danny. Dr Phelps assured her that what she was feeling was a normal part of survivors' guilt. Casey also mentioned she was eager to get back to work. There had been no conditions of how she had to be to come back but Dr Phelps wanted her to at least take two weeks off and come back part time and go from there. Casey was agreeable to this.

She and Ethan agreed to Casey staying with him for two weeks. Ethan took the first week off. When Casey was not having a therapy session, they found solace in each other. Casey knew that using sex as a coping mechanism was not the most healthy thing but it helped her feel alive. The week that Ethan went back to work came. Casey enjoyed being by herself. She read some of Ethan’s books and went to a few therapy sessions. She also had a back to work meeting with Naveen and Ethan, as well as HR where they discussed Casey coming back to work part time. They also brought up their relationship. That it was not an arrangement, a fling but a bona fide relationship. Naveen was happy that they were back together. Despite Ethan’s position they agreed with Naveen’s blessing that Ethan could continue to be her manager. Ethan was relieved. Naveen was happy and so was Casey. Ethan and Casey had already discussed keeping work at work and personal away from work and they agreed to be professional at work. Ethan stated he would disclose to the team when she came back. Casey was apprehensive but also happy to be out in the open. She knew that June was hellbent on finding out what was the deal between her and Ethan, she was optimistic that her and Ethan being in the open but also the approval of HR it would make her think twice in her plans.

————

Authors note: I am looking forward to writing out June and her end is coming. Also there will be a bit of pain coming also so do not say I did not warn you.

For those who have read this far thank you ans dor those who wish to be added to my tags please let me know.

Tagging: @jerzwriter @jamespotterthefirst @genevievemd @youlookappropriate @cariantha @alj4890 @bex-la-get @crazy-loca-blog @a-crepusculo @tessa-liam @potionsprefect @liaromancewriter @lucy-268 @peonierose @ofmischiefandmedicine @schnitzelbutterfingers @binny1985 @trappedinfanfiction

@openheartfanfics @choicesficwriterscreations

#open heart #choices fanfic writers creations #ethan ramsey #casey valentine #Tobias Carrick #June Hirata #au #post attack #choices #choices fanfic #play choices #open heart fanfic

[yanderes-galore]

I gotta request, uh, I hope that is okay?

Reader X Hofnarr/Tricky! Platonic scenarios are my preferred get go, but it can be whichever you feel!

Reader is forced to watch as Hofnarr loses his mind to the Improbability Drive, all the way to the end. They know what's happening, and while they do everything they can to help, they can't stop it no matter how much they want to. When it all has taken it's course, and the Reader realizes that Hofnarr isn't... "Hofnarr" anymore, it's already too late to run.

I hope you enjoy your day/night, and get better soon!

Oh now this is just sad. Here you go, Darling watches their friend descend into obsessive madness and they can't do anything about it. Sorry it got a bit short, I was having issues with pacing due to not being in the fandom right now :(

I bounced some ideas around on how to treat Tricky with @krystalkitdemi, Hope you enjoy!

Distortion

Yandere! Platonic! Hofnarr/Tricky Scenario

Pairing: Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Stalking, Descent into insanity, Sadism, Kidnapping implied, Open ended fic, Violence, Blood, OOC Tricky.

Friends weren't a very common thing on Nevada. Any sort of partnership was often to use the other for your own benefit. That or someone always expected something in return. Genuine friendship was rare.

You and Hofnarr were an exception.

Even Hofnarr had his friendship taken advantage of by Jeb. Yet when it came to you, another scientist, you genuinely just wanted someone to lean on in this world. It wasn't like being a Nexus scientist was the best or safest job anyways.

Hofnarr is someone who also just wants a friend. When it came to you, things were very genuine. You saw him as a friend who was not only very intelligent but loved fun.

Good things never last long in Nevada, unfortunately.

Things between you were fantastic. Then Hofnarr kept getting involved with Improbability Drives. You don't know why but it was most likely due to a set of experiments that needed conducting. Sadly... such a thing affected your friend in strange ways.

Painful ways.

It's subtle at first. Slight pains, memory issues, odd mentions of sadism. The last bit is expected from most people but it put you... off.

It hurt you to see Hofnarr in such a strange condition. He'd tell you things are okay but you aren't blind to his painful twitches. You know he's suffering due to the mysterious drives... yet you can't do anything.

Despite Hofnarr's changes you stuck by him. You were even reprimanded for pushing off your work to check on him. You didn't care how others saw your friendship.

You'd do everything you can to preserve it.

Hofnarr appreciated your concern. Not many would pity the clown and violence loving scientist. You always seemed concerned of his help in pain.

Part of him even thinks you two were meant to be good friends.

Even when Hofnarr's condition got worse, you stayed. More violent twitching, outbursts, and memory issues came to light and the thought kept destroying you. You wanted to help, you asked him if you could, but he always said not to worry.

"There has to be something I can do. I can't just sit back and allow you to suffer." You said one day.

"There's nothing you can do. It's okay, I've come to terms with it." Hofnarr answered, a small smile on his face.

Not long after you had heard Hofnarr was working with Jeb on something. You never trusted their friendship but there was no need to intervene. Hofnarr trusted that man with his life.

Then there came news of Jeb's plan. He had been using Hofnarr's research and genius to put it in motion. You tried to convince Hofnarr to abandon the plan

He did not... and after things were set off, that's the last you saw of him.

You felt hatred towards Jeb for what has happened. If he didn't drag Hofnarr into this you could still be beside your friend! You have a feeling with his condition... he wouldn't have lasted long alone.

In fact as far as you know... your friend may have died in the fall.

You spent a lot of time grieving your friend afterwards. Once you escaped the tower and fled into the streets away from Zeds, you tried to move on. There was no time to cry when most of your time was spent trying not to die.

It was either bandits, Zeds, or surviving gang members. There was occasionally Nexus Soldier groups you had to avoid to. Your mind quickly adapts to survival like most in this place.

Seeing mass death wasn't uncommon. Admittedly you did find it odd when large groups of people were laid in a bloody mess when you passed by but you felt it was normal. These streets have changed...

Along with something else.

Ghoulish red eyes stare at you from the shadows of buildings. Blood stains claws used to rip into flesh for fun. You appear to be another victim of this beast.

You don't even notice things until you hear excited giggles. You pause your walk on the street only to be hit from behind with something steel. Pain courses through your body as you tumble onto the ground. Weakly you try to check for anything broken but all you find it broken skin, not bone thankfully.

Something must be sprained or ruptured at least though.

With blinding speed as Zed greets your gaze. A mask sits on his face and he looks like your typical circus clown. Upon further examination you also realize you were just hit with a street sign.

"HEY FRIEND. WANNA PLAY?"

You try to listen closer to the voice of the clown, swearing it sounds familiar past all the distortion. You shake your head softly... realizing it can't be who you think it is. Or... can it if he's a Zed?

"Who are you...?"

"TRICKY. YOU?"

You say your name cautiously, noticing the twitching of his movements. You had your suspicions, the clown theme and twitching too familiar. Yet you keep your mouth shut.

The clown pauses for a minute, tilting his head at the name. The silence is deafening....

"OH I KNOW YOU! I THINK...." Tricky responds. "WE WERE FRIENDS BEFORE! BEST FRIENDS...."

You take your chances.

"Hofnarr?"

"... DON'T CALL ME THAT!" The clown corrects, snapping in rage for a moment. "I'M TRICKY, AND WE'RE GOING TO CONTINUE BEING GREAT FRIENDS."

The clown steps closer, raising the sign you assume is his weapon of choice.

"IT'LL BE JUST LIKE BEFORE! NO ONE CAN TELL US WHAT TO DO NOW! NO ONE CAN BETRAY ME OR YOU! I THINK I'VE MISSED YOU FROM WHAT I REMEMBER!" The clown chirps in a cheery tone before raising the sign upwards. It looks like he'll hurt you if you don't move

"NOW HOLD STILL..." The clown giggles. "WE'RE GOING TO HAVE SO MUCH FUN!!!"

#yandere madness combat #yandere madness combat tricky #yandere tricky #yandere tricky the clown #yandere hofnarr

[pineappleciders]

hi hi!! i’d like to request hero x reader with bpd. tysm for all u do, i love ur work! :3

A/N: hello i ahve bpd so this is based off of my experience with it and what i know, so im sorry if it isn't accurate for you!! also sorry if anything sounded stereotypical or rude, i didnt mean it like that at all!

TRIGGER WARNING: mental health topics, self-harm mentions

HERO x reader who has borderline personality disorder (BPD) headcanons

hero relates to the abandonment issues part, and attachment to people. he doesn't like growing attachments easily, but he does. he won't beg to stag by your side because he doesn't want to bother you, but he doesn't mind if you do the same

he's a little confused if your mood switches up, and tries to take you somewhere to talk about what might've caused it or if you'd like to do something else. if you want him to, he can explain to people you're close to about the disorder and stuff. only if you ask him to though!!

if you engage in self-harm, he encourages you to get professional help. he'll take you out for dinner or get you gifts to reward you for sober milestones, even if they're little. he's incredibly proud of you

hero doesn't like to judge a book by it's cover, and doesn't believe in any stereotypes that people with BPD are unpredictable or violent. he's incredibly understanding, and listens carefully to anything you say.

if you're experiencing psychosis or feeling paranoid, he'll bring you to a secluded room (such as his or yours bedroom) and will sit with you in the bed, using grounding techniques and talking to you to get your mind off of everything.

he's also very observant, and will listen to you rant or talk for as long as you need. afterwards, you two probably watch something or play a game, or do any relaxing activity. it often ends up w you two fallen asleep together : )

if you're struggling with your self-image, he'll always reassure u in everything. like if u ask a question like "am i ugly??" he'll say no every time. he doesn't just want to make you feel good, but he truly believes it

overall he doesn't care at all, and is willing to take all the steps needed to have a happy relationship with you. he isn't exactly stable himself either, so don't worry about any judement!!!!!!

#i accidentally posted this LMFAO #hero x reader #hero omori x reader #omori hero x reader #omori x reader #omori headcanons #hero omori #omori hero #hero headcanons #omori hero headcanons #hero omori headcanons #omori fandom #omori #pineappleciders #hero x bpd reader

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #39

I learned a very important phrase today. And it is "pathological projective identification". If mentions of the mechanics of psychological abuse is a trigger for you, you might want to avoid reading the rest of this.

Essentially, pathological projective identification is what happens when an abusive person has some aspect of themselves that they find intolerable to consciously perceive, so they instead pin it on someone who is in a position that is less able to fight back - for example, their child, their partner, their subordinate at work, or even a friend with poor boundary skills.

So practically, what it looks like is, some person who is selfish (but doesn't want to see themselves that way) accuses someone else of being selfish, and usually that other person is in some position where if they don't internalize the message, they'll either be abandoned (literally or psychologically) or further berated. So in the end, for the person being abused in this manner, it's, "accept the label the abusive person is putting on you, OR ELSE."

I've spent a lot of time trying to make sense of what happened to me and my siblings, growing up. In so doing, I've learned much about the mechanics of generational trauma and various forms of abuse, and how these things, when given to a child, end up impacting the resulting adult. But I never knew about this particular mechanic until today. How wonderful it is to still be able to learn things, even after having studied this subject for such a long time!

Here's a video that explains it all a lot better than I can:

I was utterly flabbergasted at how similar "Terry's" lived experiences, as described here, so closely mirrored my own, in some respects. I'm glad that I finally have a label for the result of this sort of thing - a reason why, on a bad day, sometimes I get worried that I've been "the problem" in my family this whole time. Sometimes this worry gets so bad that I think that I am making life worse for the people in my immediate vicinity. Sometimes the worry that I am making life worse for the people around me gets so bad that I think that the good thing to do might be to permanently exit my meat-mech prematurely (don't worry; I have coping skills in place to help me when I get like this, so I'm not at risk or anything - it's all good).

But now I have a label for this thing. It has a name. It is a phenomenon that is well-known enough that there is specific language used to describe it, coined by people who have been studying this stuff for far longer than I have. There is a reason for the Bad Mental Health Days that I sometimes get, in which I relentlessly berate myself in the very same ways that my past adult overlords used to, and why I sometimes still believe all of the things about me that they used to say.

Having language to describe this phenomenon means that I am not broken. It means that I am not alone. And it means that it is a solvable problem that can be worked on until it's no longer an issue, instead of some vaguely-defined flaw in my personality that will be with me forever and ever. It's not, "I am just an anxious, ruminating, weak-willed person by nature." It is, "something happened to me that is known to psychologically injure people, and injuries can be recovered from."

And isn't that liberating!! Wow!!

I'm not sure if it's this way for other people, but for me, having the hows and the whys and the mechanics of a thing laid out makes me better able to understand it, make room for it, and in the end, do something about it. I think this is part of the reason for having labels for things - it's not supposed to be for the purpose of condemning people; it's supposed to help people understand that their lived experiences are part of the human condition, instead of some anomalous thing that makes them fundamentally unlovable or something.

Hey, Sephiroth? Have you spent any time thinking about your own lived experiences? Your childhood? The ways you were treated, and how that impacted the way you view the world and others in it? Have you stopped to look around long enough so that you can start to think about the fact that your circumstances aren't really all that unique? During your time at the Edge of Creation, did you look around at other people's stories so that you can see that there have been other child soldiers, other experimental supersoldiers, other people who have been used, abused, and exploited in the same ways you have? Have you stopped to look around long enough to see that you really, really aren't alone? That you, like all those other people, can have a place in the world? That you can work on your things, find peace, build a version of "normal", and learn to enjoy things?

If you have spent time thinking about these things… tell me, what have you learned? I know that you can't tell me, but I'm gonna ask anyway because you're worth considering and understanding, regardless.

And if you have not spent time thinking about these things, when will you? Though I'm sure you have a lot on your plate right now, I'm also fairly sure that you have sufficient time on your hands to consider the impact of how you were treated as a boy and how it shaped you. I imagine you have sufficient time on your hands to start to believe that the "normal life" you wanted is within reach, and to consider how to shape yourself in service to that dream.

In the meantime, with this new knowledge that I gained today, I'll be over here, doing my best to shape myself into someone who is not vicious with myself. After all, when I get like that, the people who love me get very sad (which is natural and expected), and I don't want to be one more reason for them to be sad - we're already living in late-stage capitalism, plagued with wars and prejudice just about everywhere, on a planet that is dying due to climate change (it got up to almost 50F today in some parts of where I live; it's supposed to be 32F or below this time of year…); they have more than enough reasons to be sad as it is, doncha think? If we want there to be fewer reasons to be sad, if we want the world to change... we have to look at ourselves first. There is a musician in our world who is no longer with us; he said it far better than I ever could:

May any of what I've written and shown you give you some kind of food for thought. Who do you see when you look in the mirror? I hope that the image you see is just as beautiful to you as what I see when I look at your soul.

Please stay safe; don't disappear and give us more reasons to be sad. You're loved, you're needed, you're cared for, and you're worth your own effort. If you haven't been acting like you're worth more than simply what you can do… please start acting like it. As much as I and others who love you might like to zoop over there and do it for you, it's not within our power to do. So you gotta do it instead. Okay?

I'll write to you some more later.

Your friend, Lumine

#sephiroth #ThankYouFFVIIDevs #ThankYouFF7Devs #ThankYouSephiroth #final fantasy vii #final fantasy 7 #ff7 #ffvii #final fantasy vii crisis core #final fantasy 7 crisis core #final fantasy crisis core #ffvii crisis core #ff7 crisis core #crisis core #ff7r #final fantasy vii remake #final fantasy 7 remake #ffvii remake #ff7 remake #final fantasy vii rebirth #final fantasy 7 rebirth #ffvii rebirth #ff7 rebirth #final fantasy 7 ever crisis #ffvii ever crisis #ff7 ever crisis #ffvii first soldier #abuse #pathological projective identification #wholesome