1101200905

[1101200905]

A little about food preservation, and the dulcet tones of a jar that didn't properly seal.

[1101200905]

i think of u have multiple conditions that include emotional dysregulation it should just cancel out

#adhd #bpd #asc #asd #autdhd

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Daily Reminder

People with BPD are not inherently abusive

People with BPD are not inherently manipulative

People with BPD are not inherently cruel

You are not a bad person for having BPD

You are not hopeless for having BPD

You are not broken for having BPD

People with BPD can and do recover

People with BPD can and do lead happy, fulfilling lives

People with BPD can and do have healthy, meaningful relationships

#tyyyy #positivity #nm #bpd #affirmations

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Hey BPD friends, it’s okay to normalize our issues with psychosis.

Some of us do endure splitting from reality, paranoia, hallucinations, and delusions from time to time.

I know the tags tend to stick to the topic of our emotional instability, but if you need to vent about a psychotic episode, do it.

Hell, it’s called Borderline because it’s right smack in the middle of neurosis and psychosis. You’re not abnormal, faking, or invalid for dealing with hallucinations.

#psychosis positivity #mh

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imo worst part of having a cluster b is constantly having to manage other ppl about it. like, if i tell someone, i have to open with "but i promise i would never intentionally hurt you and im not like xyz." like you gotta work again every stereotype, even w ppl who are generally cool, cause sanism and stigma against cluster bs seems like some of the last prejudice to go.

#its so annoying !!!!! #like... im usually anxious ab self disclosure #but w this esp #telling ppl i have bpd uhhhhhh #concerns me #esp cause im Quiet borderline #so they genuinely might not otherwise Really know #its a cycle! #worried mentioning my Abandonment issues will trigger abandonment #also worried that mention them will pressure or guilt ppl into feeling like they can't leave me and that also feels Bad #bpd #cluster b #quiet borderline #borderline #sanism #stigma

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#mmm threatening AND optimistic #bpd #trauma #ace #poetry #img

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Borderline

Definition: (adj.) barely acceptable in quality or as belonging to a category; on the borderline.

I do not know the difference

between dark and light;

war and peace;

or absent and present. 

There is no gray area

for someone like me. 

Because I, myself,

am the borderline. 

I am either

content and euphoric

or paranoid and depressed. 

Never in the middle. 

I do not choose my emotions,

but I choose how I react. 

I will never take my anger out

on a friend or stranger. 

I will never let my sadness

affect those around me.

Instead, I will let these emotions

eat me from the inside out. 

They will burn in my chest

and cause stabbing headaches.

Yet I still ensure 

that my suffering is silent.

But I will share

my happiness and hobbies

with the people I love.

I will put on a mask

and make sure that they are okay;

because that is how I was raised.

#awful but tru #currently !! working on this !!!!! #likeeee perhaps. talkin ab my problems is not the worst thing i can do to another person #but its tru that the RISK is um a huge turn off from that #bpd #not mine #poetry

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#not mine #hey op!!!! i love u i see u #it feels bad as shit when ppl take ur borderline as U being the problem #like hello I'm just surviving #poetry #anyway i see u

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there's ONE person who triggers me like no other and i can't even fully piece together why !! they may have been FP briefly but that's long over (??). idk if I'm just like splitting or whatttt but I'm like?? idk why everything hurts worse if it's them. but i kinda need it to stop??? i don't actually Want to cut them off (altho i had the compulsion during previous splitting) and ik i can pull back w/o cutting them off completely. i just can't keep trying so hard when they can never follow through, cause it's just too painful for me. i also feel guilty about this. i feel like i should warn them but idk how!

#bpd #abandonment trauma #UGH #borderline #fp #g #rsd #bpd posting #borderline life

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experiencing mild inconveniences and being suuuuper normal about it. my plans falling thru did not ruin my entire day !!11! the action or inaction of another person has never made me feel abandoned in any way actually and I'm being really cool about it

#sarcasm #with a hint of absolutely one the edge dhbfhnmnnjm #i at least feel better than earlier but plzzzz #bpd #abandonment trauma #borderline #autism #actually autistic #nd #i was Ready For Plans #rain doesn't help w mental health either

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half my friends think i got a Good Night and the other half DID get a Good Night and all i got was a weird subdrop slide into an Abandonment linked mental breakdown

#this'll be awkward #I'm having too many thoughts and they're all sucky #anyway! this is why im never vulnerable i always get fucked up and it's!!!!!!!! excruciating #sub drop #me also not being able to ask for anything #surely my needs will be met this way /s #bpd #or whatever #attachment #abandonment trauma

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reparenting Can't be the solution to parentalization. like. i had to parent myself so the only solution is??? i have to parent myself again????????

no offense but I'm actually fucking tired of doing that?

(i also get pissed at the idea that the correct response to loneliness is learning to be alone. that's in direct opposition to how Human Beings Work).

#just shit that frustrates me #part of it is me based #like I'm aware that i have to do work here #but i get so pissed when ppl try to wedge their bootstrap up my ass like. please #the PROBLEM is that i cant rely on anyone! or open up! you think the solution is to MAKE IT WORSE????? #i DID the self sufficiency thing!!! #that's kinda the fucking problem! #and yes yes absolutely inner child shit HELPS #i simply and absolutely resent the notion that health and sanity looks like doing it all on your own #that's puritan ass colonizer mentality please get away from me with it #interdependence is not codependence #interdependence is the fucking point #anti colonialism #rad #bpd #borderline #inner child #reparenting #parentalization #abandonment trauma #yeehaw #my life improved once i realized i could just reject that tho #inclusivetherapists.com is the foreal #unfortunately ppl ain't taking my insurance much but we getting there #therapy #rest is radical #self preservation is a revolutionary act

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doing my level best but destroying myself is sooooo so sexy rn

#EPISODIC #post grad panic

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does ANYONE have tips on how to avoid FPing someone? i just realized Im forming and fp relationship with one of my friends and i don't want to do that to them! i love them DEARLY (ofc), but it's not healthy to idealize someone and get suuuper attached and on them for validation and stuff.

ive come through a rough patch where i sorta split off on my last one (we are still friends!!!! i just ..yk, the let down, so now i love them but i feel like i cant get that deep anymore, etc). so i was extremely lonely, depressed, aimless, yk just feeling purposeless and untethered. well my friend has been very helpful and kind in helping me thru it and just being there, and I'm feeling a little obsessed... i truly do think they're the kindest person I've ever met, but I'm Worried I'm pedestalizing them and don't want to hurt either of us by setting them up to fail against an impossible ideal!

does anyone have advice on how to like. stay normal about this lmao. i always think someone is the kindest, best, most perfect and flawless person. then, obviously, they aren't! i hate the roller coaster, I'm just not sure how to get off. any tips appreciated.

(I'm between therapists so. Tumblr! research was inconclusive and unhelpful).

#bpd #borderline life #borderline #borderline personality problems #actually borderline #bpd favorite person #bpd help #borderline community #mental health #relationship help

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in theory I'm totally down to be vulnerable and express my feelings and needs. in PRACTICE I'm constantly on edge and don't want to risk being "in trouble" it abandoned so i literally just don't say anything. and if i do i feel like a terrible person (manipulative, demanding, annoying, Burdensome, etc). esp when ppl do actually react kinda badly.

like it prob wouldn't matter to them but I'm! traumatized! i thanked my roommate for doing smn a few weeks ago and she was like "yeah of course any time" and i was like??? in my head just thinking 'uh? you usually get upset if i ask you to do anything?? tf you mean???'

ik some of it is probably an autistic tone and figurative language thing. but also i think ppl just aren't that affected by it. she prob genuinely forgot every time she's reacted unfavorably, whereas for me it's informed my entire relationship with her. (which is wild).

anyway i just expressed feelings to someone, felt guilty, then apologized for it, which i now also feel guilty about (like oh no what if I'm only apologizing so they comfort me?) etc. which is a wild thought and prob untrue. and the exact thing that just makes me withdraw from everyone. which is not the plan!!!!

on the bright side, leaving then was a lot easier yesterday than normal! I've had some SCARY drops After having to leave their place (yk like it gets late so i gotta go). aaaaah

#bpd #mess!!!!! #bpd posting

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trying to learn to trust people more and reach out and stuff instead of not bothering cause i assume ppl will let me down.

but ppl DO STAY LETTING ME DOWN THO!

still trying but this is not helping!

#literally have been trying to be actually a little vulnerable and express my needs #and maybe even stop settling for literally any attention i can get when it's not fulfilling #and ppl be cool about it! and then fuck it up! #like. great now I'm Regressing #i know it wasn't malicious but fuck you homie #also: about expressing needs. lmao. #bpd #bpd attachment

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the only way i know how to get through anything is by just dissociating and inhabiting the facade of a completely different person. which feels like a thing that's not good for me but i don't know what Else to do. like I'm open to suggestions tho.

#bpd #borderline #dissociation #dpdr #trauma #my housing is really unstable rn and i need to make a lot of choices about my future really quickly and I'm scared as fuck #i just want to feel safe and calm #not sure what that's like but it sounds cool /Lh #abandonment trauma #unstable housing #no clue how to cope except complete remove myself #also ive big regressed (at least interpersonally) in the last couple weeks and it really sucks!