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anantaru · 1 year

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— how he kisses you

including alhaitham, heizou, scaramouche, xiao x gn! reader

꒰ genre ꒱ — fluff, xiao's is kinda embarrassing idk he doesn't have a clue, making out mwah mwah

— alhaitham + easy but calculated

focus, please focus, alhaitham was divulging inwardly, and he was aware that if you noticed the slight nervousness perching in his settling limbs and muscles right now, you would most definitely have an ecstatic blast of embarrassingly badgering him for what would feel like an eternity.

in the general run of things, he took most things in his life vastly easy and tremendously undemanding, without overthinking them under any circumstances. your boyfriend alhaitham has long since grasped on that adding unsought energy into individual aspects in his life were mostly never ensuing in good results.

but he cannot shake off the calculated nature of himself, not even when he rounds his lips on top of yours. essentially the route he took, holding your face gently in his large palms before pulling you a tilt closer for about three seconds, pressing his lips on you just a teeny tiny bit more, before leaving the pressure to decline.

you sigh out heavenly, then slant forward into his body, your lips spaciously molded around his own as alhaitham sneakily gnaws down on your bottom lip, pulling away before catching a hold of his own breathing. the subtle ridge of a blush, brilliantly red— describing the passion in his heart that he experienced when a magnetic force pulled you together.

it's always stronger than anything you’ve both felt before whenever you kiss, whenever you find yourself comforted by his lips and trace, his thumbs crowning your cheeks and the implications of it all.

seeing alhaitham like this— how he was enjoying himself with you and how much you reveled in benevolently watching him.

you answer the fullness of his tongue demanding entrance as you slightly part your lips, shaping your wet muscle against him while extending your hands to find true haven in his soft hair, sculpturing your nails into his scalp, distantly, but enough so he'd heave out a deep sigh. occasionally you're pulling him back by his strands, so you could look at him low lidded, out of breath with bleary eyes, something which will stuck in your mind forever.

— heizou + fast and exciting

heizou might get lost in your kisses, just a little. because while he was kissing you, he never felt more alive and his mind rewired when you hug him tight, traversing your physical distance in less time than it took to blink yourself into a marvelous dream.

for that, he will forever be yours.

your erratic breaths weave together at each new amassed sweep of his tongue, your eyes remaining latched shut while you litter your arms around his neck to keep him as near as possible, meantime his rosy fragrance— scenting of sweet sakura blooms on a warm evening in inazuma city, was planing over your flaring nostrils and made his impressive presence feel all the more intensely.

all the more— meaningful.

directly, you ruffle your fingers into his hair in midst the obvious heaviness of heizou's expressing and dominating kisses, while his thumbs stroke along the outline of your cheek to shift you into him.

you can taste it, a little smile bridging over his lips, anew, when you tug on his hair, although gently, he sought after feeling it again. he gasps at another tug and you take the opportunity to nip on his bottom lip, only gently, but adding a dot of pressure for good and sweet measure.

with the nuance of this spontaneous act, which was usually quite unplanned and all over the place— wether it be the shy, awkward giggles or his eagerness to touch and cherish every inch of you, he was also skilled and indulgently exciting to you and whenever it was you doing something like this to him instead, heizou could see himself become consigned to oblivion.

it makes his mouth water.

no thoughts, no focus, only passion and the pain of wanting more each minute.

he's devilish, bending you forward into his lap, and his depictions of love were never idle. in outline, your expression must've been telling him that much, that you wouldn't want it any other way.

— scaramouche + nervous but passionate

if it were somehow possible to him, scaramouche would certainly scream into a pillow right now, over and over until his lungs would give up on him. he‘s abstrusely nervous— profoundly frazzled in his shoulders and lower back as he notices how you‘re inclining into his chest, fractionally, one at a time until perfectly screened in his arms.

he doesn‘t want to mess it up nor overdo it or screw it up or what about exaggerate it or— hold on, kuni's panicking again, quite jittery as he pulls away from you for a second, catching you off guard— it‘s twice as much embarrassing now, when you look at him disoriented.

what a damned nonsense, he huffs out, how hard could kissing possibly be?

"are you okay?" the concern was trammeling in your frame and manifesting in your tonality, "we can stop if you want."

but how does he tell you that there was nothing in this world he'd genuinely loathe more than stopping this right now, not when it felt so bloody exhilarating to him.

"no." scaramouche coughs, "no, no." although realizing he answered a little too quick.

you back away a little to give him enough space but he holds you in his gentle arms instead, as if scared you'd leave entirely, "don't stop." and he closes his eyes now, taking a deep breath before pulling you back into his lips. audibly this time, you whine into him but let yourself float in his content motions.

once you're in his warp, you leave it to scaramouche to control and manage how he saw fit, so he could experiment but also focus on what you preferred.

you slowly lick across his tongue, tilting your head a little, and something in your chest unbuttons when you place attention towards the feathery whines your boyfriend would huff out ever so lightly, signalizing that he's unhurriedly finding more confidence now.

another shiver quells inwardly, a slight weakening of the knees and you're on a thread— he's flawless at it, passionate and so content that you were surprised on how skilled he was at kissing and soothing your lips, still nervous but wanting, wanting to show you how insatiable you really were to him.

— xiao + erratic and eager

for xiao, it‘s all about learning and understanding about what you would be more partial to— yet he forgets about himself and entirely focuses on you, more often than you'd prefer.

which, in hindsight, wasn‘t a bad thing per se, but, you had to repeatedly mime and indicate that you wanted him to feel good and loved as well. to a large extent was kissing something very intimate and it's shared by two, not kept to one.

his bare lips are hot on top of yours, scorching and eager, while his movements were erratic and modestly sloppy at first, but your boyfriend was a fast learner and refrained from bumping his teeth against your own pearly whites. yet you're patient, very much so, kissing silent words into his mouth as xiao adds his tongue, muffling, almost pleading, motions telling you things words never could scratch on.

his hands tremble against your hips, each gnaw of his fingers digging past your flesh brought every nerve in your body to a complete standstill and your brain locked in electricity— up till now, why he was holding onto you this strongly was not necessarily due to nervousness or due to him being anxious, but xiao simply did not know were to put them or what to do with them.

but it's cute, his actions and shyness, you want to kiss and kiss and kiss him forever.

once more have you pulled away to plant a playful mirage of kisses on his parted lips, worshipping his pretty features— your sweet lover was wholly out of breath while leaning back into the couch, exposing his bobbing adams apple to you and taking note to go a dab slower next time, or well, after you kiss him again.

but when you do, when you plunge back into this lips at last, a deep, simmering sort of proclamation saunters into his chest, taking him by surprise and building in gentle enlargements of transparent love into his body.

xiao truly longed to burn that feeling into his mind forever and reminisce about it whenever you aren't together.

2K notes · View notes

shina913 · 3 months

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Bitter(Sweet) | JWW

Bitter(Sweet)

Pairing: Wonwoo x Fem!Reader

Rating: M 🔞; NSFW

Genre: Infidelity!AU; exes!AU; angst; smut; some fluff

Warnings: cussing; sexually suggestive language; clit play; protected sex; questionable morals; open conversation about infidelity; hurt without comfort

Word count: 4.8K words

Summary: You and Wonwoo reunite to celebrate a special evening.

A/N: If you don't like reading about cheaters - you are free to skip! Thank you, Sim @/roaminginthenights for your notes. They added more depth and nuance to the story in so many words. I appreciate you, my friend!

A/N2: Originally posted on my SVT sideblog but I've decided to merge everything on main now. I also have a version of this fic with BTS' Namjoon, if you choose to read it with that character.

You’re sitting in the airport parking lot, tapping your fingers happily to the beat of the song playing on your car radio. You glance at the time, it wouldn’t be too long; he’d be walking out of those doors soon. Until then, you continue to hum to the song.

Tonight is special. A night you didn’t think you’d ever celebrate again. Yet here you were, in a rental car, in a town you’d left years before.

Other than one particular overnight reservation, there are no other formal plans. You’d order takeout and perhaps pick up a bottle of wine or two from the corner store.

Your phone rings. You bring it up to check the caller ID and smile when you recognize the name flashing on the screen.

“Hi, honey!”

“Hi mom,” your daughter greets you on speakerphone.

“Is everything okay?”

She goes on to ask permission to do a facemask with her cousin. While she rambles on about other activities they have planned for their sleepover, you distantly hear the passenger door open. You quickly turn your head to smile at him then bring your pointer finger to your lips signaling him not to say a word.

“Mom? Helloooo? Are you listening to me?”

You scramble to get back to your call as your passenger shuts the door. “Uh–sure, honey. That all sounds great. Just make sure you get some sleep and listen to auntie, okay?”

“Okay.”

“And you know I told you that I have a late-night meeting so no phone calls but you can always text–”

“I know, mom.” She’s exasperated in a manner that only middle-schoolers who know it all would be. You exchange ‘I-love-you’s’ before she ends the call.

And now, you can properly greet your new arrival.

“Hi,” Wonwoo says.

“Hi,” you greet him with a smile. “That was Yuna.”

“So I heard,” he smiles. “Is she sleeping over at Emma’s?”

You nod. “She’s thrilled. It’s a school night and she gets to stay up late with her favorite cousin.”

He chuckles. “I don’t know if I can top organic facemasks when she comes over next week, but I’ll try.”

“I’m sure she’ll be happy with whatever you’ve got planned for her.”

“Right. As long as she’s happy.”

You nod then let out a long sigh before telling him, “You know, at some point, we need to stop meeting like this.” That’s what you also said last time. And the time before that. You’re fully aware of it and you think that if you say it enough times, you believe it and actually stop.

“I know,” he breathes out before cupping your nape to bring your face to his, sealing his lips over yours. You don’t pull away or give any hint of protest. You melt right into him, your mouth parting to let his tongue savor you.

You miss this. You miss him.

Somehow, you find the willpower to wrench yourself away from him. “Easy there. We’re still in the parking lot.”

You can see the mischief in his eyes even through his glasses. “So? It’s not like that’s stopped us before.” His hands trail between your legs, cupping your heat.

“I know but,” you gently push his hand away. “We have a reservation and it’s late so we should probably get going.”

He sighs, relenting. “Okay.” He reaches back for the seatbelt then stops short of buckling in. “By the way, happy anniversary,” he grins.

You feel a flutter in your chest and your cheeks warm up. “Happy anniversary,” you reply.

******

Wonwoo scrolls through his phone, scanning for the email confirmation that contained the security code and instructions to unlock the rental.

“Are you sure you have it?”

You are both standing on the front porch of your Airbnb, using your phone's flashlight to help him see his phone better. He was nearly blind as a bat, especially in the dark, even with his glasses on.

“I’ve got it! Trust me.” He scrolls some more until he exclaims, and finally sees the coveted email.

He carefully punches the code on the door’s keypad until you hear it chime, confirming that you’ve gained access.

You walk through the door and into this place that is known to you. But seeing it again after so long, makes it feel unfamiliar.

The first thing you notice is that the foyer has been redone. The divider wall that used to separate the kitchen and living room has since been knocked down to give it a more ‘open’ layout.

The furniture is all generic. Not much thought was put into picking them out. The colors also don’t provide much contrast to the equally bland walls. It all blends in but not in a good way.

“Why is everything so white?” You remark.

“It supposedly gives the illusion of a bright and open space.” Wonwoo sets your bags at the base of the staircase.

“Feels more like a hospital to me,” you reply dryly, to his amusement. He moves into the kitchen, helping himself to the contents of the cupboards.

You follow behind, wandering over to the counter, where there is a binder listing the ‘house rules.’

“No parties, no loud music,” you read random bullet points out loud. “Quiet time at 10PM. Interesting.”

His arms circle your waist from behind, and you feel him nuzzle into your neck, planting a soft kiss. “Can you stay quiet after 10PM?” He murmurs against your skin.

“Shut up,” you giggle and break out of his hold and playfully pinch him on his side. “Only if you keep your hands to yourself after 10PM,” you tease him back, making him burst into laughter.

You walk around the place some more, scanning and assessing. You’re surprised at how many more modifications have been made. Gone were the warm, earthy tones that you painted the living room and the kitchen.

What was wrong with the way things were before? The interior designer you hired found a great way to marry modern and vintage concepts!

You shake your head in mild irritation.

The upstairs bedrooms feel just as desolate with the plain white, sanitized walls. At least the new owners attempted to break the monotony with a few framed watercolor prints and scenic photographs, no doubt purchased from a big-box store.

You find yourself standing in the midst of your old master bedroom. You see hints of the old furnishings layered with the new. It certainly wasn’t how you remembered it.

“Huh.” Wonwoo says when he walks in. “Why didn’t we think of putting the bed against that side of the room before?”

You roll your eyes at him. “Because you get up to go to the bathroom more often than I do so that’s why we put it on the side that was closer to the en suite.”

His mouth drops slightly with a soft ‘ah,’ in sudden realization. “Well, I’ll have to admit, you were right. You should have ignored me and gone with your original plan.”

“I appreciate you acknowledging that, years later.” You roll your eyes and brush past him on your way out. “But as you know, marriage is about compromise,” you call past your shoulder.

“I’m ordering the pizza!” Your voice echoes down the staircase.

Wonwoo spends a few more minutes in this room, allowing himself to reminisce before finding the strength to tear himself away and rejoin you in the kitchen.

******

You’re sitting at your old kitchen counter, eating pizza and sharing a bottle of wine that Wonwoo ended up stealing from the owner’s kitchen. When you question him as to whether the alcohol was included in your AirBnB reservation, he shrugs and promises to replace it instead.

“So, are you seeing anyone?”

You stop mid-bite, taken aback by his question. “Wow, already?”

“What? I’m just making conversation.” He says casually as he takes a sip of wine. “And I’m nosy,” he snickers.

You giggle at his admission. “Nope, not seeing anyone. I had–what I thought was a connection a month ago…but that was a false flag. I’ve decided to hang back, take a break…be alone for a bit, you know? I’m not really looking for anything serious anyway.”

His expression turns sullen. He clears his throat before saying, “I thought you had a connection with Seojun. Things looked pretty serious.”

The reminder of your fatal mistake doesn’t sting as much as it did before. And he wasn’t as angry and bitter when he brings it up.

“Seojun was…” you sigh, collecting your thoughts so as not to create unnecessary ripples in this still water. “He was good for me at the time. He was who I needed at the time. But long-term?” You scrunch your face and shook your head. “I didn’t think that far down the road.”

He used to always ask ‘why.’ Why did you do what you did? Why did you make those choices?

You were together for five years before you married. Two years later, you had Yuna and everything seemed picture-perfect. You thought that you were doing well and that you might really have a knack for marriage and monogamy. It was a point in your relationship when you thought that nothing could ever break you.

But it turns out that anything and everything can break you.

Seojun came along and it was as if something that had long been dormant ignited within you. You thought it would be a one-off, but it wasn’t. For months you thought Wonwoo would suspect whether anything felt off. It wasn’t like you were trying to get caught but maybe some part of you wanted him to catch you. But that didn’t happen. Instead, he seemed happily blissful in his own world, seeing everything through rose-colored lenses.

You pick up your wine glass and tip the contents into your mouth, emptying it. When you set it back down on the counter, you look at him, staring at you.

“But you loved him, right?” He asks between mouthfuls of pizza.

You pause for a few long beats before responding. “Sure. In a way, yeah.” Your answer is noncommittal but the truth was, you didn’t know for sure if what you felt for Seojun was love. It certainly wasn’t the same as what you felt for Wonwoo. He was in his own category.

“I don’t get it though. Why would you want to be alone?”

You scoff and straighten in your seat, feeling the urge to be defensive. “I don’t get why you’re suddenly concerned about my choice to be alone.”

“No, sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.” He switches tact, sensing that your walls start to go back up. “I remember back then, you used to say that a lot…that you like being alone and that you didn’t believe in marriage or lifelong partnership. And yet–you still agreed to marry me when I asked. So no, I don’t believe that your ultimate desire or goal is to be alone.”

You pour yourself another glass. “You were different. Being with you, what we had–it made me want to prove myself wrong. That perhaps I do have the marriage gene in me and I can make it last.” You pick at a piece of pepperoni on your slice. “I’d like to believe that I did. I tried to keep things together to make things work for us.”

Wonwoo reaches for your hand and brushes his fingers over your knuckles in an attempt to console you.

“Turned out well, right?” You remark sarcastically, throwing your free hand up in defeat. “I failed. So, I conclude that I just don’t have it in me.”

“The marriage gene?”

“Uh-huh. I’m doomed!” You laugh darkly.

You were happily resigned to that fact. Wonwoo was a beautiful anomaly. While your time may have been short-lived, it still added meaning to your generally doomed perspective on marriage and relationships.

His fingers curl around your hand to give it a reassuring squeeze. “For what it’s worth, I thought you were great at it.”

You smile wistfully and bring his hand up to your lips to kiss it. “Thank you. That’s kind of you to say.”

******

You were in the upstairs bathroom washing up when Wonwoo excused himself to retrieve a couple of things from his jacket pocket downstairs when his phone starts buzzing.

“Hello?” He answers.

“Hey, how’s it going? I’ve been trying to reach you. How was your flight?” the female voice says on the other line.

He clears his throat and hides away in what used to be his office. “Uh, yeah. Sorry, sweetheart. You know how it is at my dad’s house. The reception’s shit.”

“Why are you whispering?” She asks.

“Dad just fell asleep. You know how he’s such a light sleeper.”

“Oh, yeah. You’re right. Do you think you’ll be able to finish up whatever you need to over there? I have some miles on my card and fly out tomorrow to come over and help?”

“No, that won’t be necessary,” Wonwoo tells her calmly. “Dad and I are just about done packing up some of his old things here so, he’ll be ready to move into the facility. He’s really looking forward to it.”

“Is he? That’s great.”

“Yeah. Anyway, I have to go. I’m trying to sort through a few more of his things here while he sleeps. I work faster when he doesn’t stop to admire each item and talk about what it meant to him.”

“Okay. Just call me if your flight changes. I love you!”

He hears the floorboard creak and looks up from his seat to find you leaning against the door frame, dressed in nothing but a black lace teddy. Biting his lower lip, he says, “I love you, too.”

As soon as he hangs up, he tugs at your wrist and ravishes you.

******

“You think she’d ever suspect anything between us?” You wonder out loud while you both lay naked in your former marriage bed, basking in your post-sex high.

He shakes his head adamantly. “I think ‘you and me’ is the last thing on her mind.”

You laugh at how confident he made that sound.

“I’m serious!” He says firmly. “This is not even remotely on her list of possibilities! She knows what happened between us so this is highly unlikely for her.”

You sit up against the headboard and stare at him in disbelief. “You told her about us?”

He shrugs, not seeing the problem with it. “It was all part of my therapy and healing process so…yeah. I told her everything.”

“So, does she think I’m, like, the devil incarnate or something?” You try to mask the pang of guilt in your chest by making light of it.

“Nah. She doesn’t really think about you.” Then he immediately adds, “I’m not saying that to be hurtful or dismissive. I think at the time she thought she was somebody who could, I don’t know, put me back together or something.”

Even though you’ve both said your pieces over the years and talked things over, traded apologies, and accepted them, it still felt inadequate.

“I’m sorry,” you say instinctively.

He sits up to mirror your posture and dips his head to kiss your bare shoulder. “You’ve said that already.”

“Yeah but–” He cuts you off mid-sentence with another kiss, his lips lingering over yours.

“No buts. We’re good, okay? I’m good.” He reassures you.

But you press him anyway. “Okay, I’m sorry to keep dropping the reality check here but what if she finds out?”

He sighs, a wry smile on his lips. “If she does…” he trails off without finishing his thought. He straightens his posture, turning serious. “I guess you could say that I’m no longer scared of being labeled the bad guy. I spent a good chunk of my life trying to do the right thing and being a good person. Always doing what is morally acceptable.”

You tilt your head at him in curiosity. He’s changed a lot, but just like your old house, even though the fixtures have been replaced, walls knocked down and repainted, and furniture layout rearranged, you can still see hints of what it used to be.

He’s still the same Wonwoo you fell in love with, beneath this new cynical, detached exterior. He wasn’t always open about his emotions but in the rare cases that he would wear his heart on his sleeve, you saw and felt it.

Right now, he was baring his soul to you.

“I’m not saying that I’m proud of it. You know, the affairs. I have needs that she can’t fulfill,” he shrugs. “There’s acceptance on my part. I’m not trying to claim righteousness or hide behind morals. And that’s okay. I’m okay with that!”

You’re silent as you take in his ruminations. In a way, it saddens you that he’s adopted this perspective. You always knew him as an idealist–someone who, as he said himself, ‘always did the right thing.’ Which was why it crushed him when you confessed your infidelity.

He stares at you for a minute before breaking into a chuckle. “What?”

“What?” You echo, your eyebrows furrowing.

“Say something!” He laughs.

“I mean, what do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know! Anything. Scold me or, I don’t know…tell me that this isn’t right. ‘Your wife doesn’t deserve this! You’re a terrible husband!’” He says jokingly.

“I am the last person to judge, okay? If it doesn’t keep you up at night…” you trail off.

He nods at that.

But then you cock your eyebrow at him, picking up on what he said moments ago. “So, ‘affairs?’ You mean, there’s more?”

“I had some fling a few months ago. It was meaningless,” he add quickly, as if that contributed to anything. “And there were a couple of one-night stands but I don’t think they count.”

“Mm…” you hum vaguely.

******

Wonwoo cracks open another bottle of wine and brings it upstairs, where you both drink in bed and continue to trade stories.

“I didn’t really want to get married again. We were having a good time and she’s great,” he recounts the early days of his new relationship. “Sometimes it’s easy to confuse great sex with love.”

“Mm-hmm. Speak for yourself,” you remark.

He smirks at your comment. “But…there she was, down on one knee, asking me to marry her. And so I did. We’ve been living together anyway so, might as well, right?” He shifts and changes his tone, feeling the need to clarify that he’s not a complete asshole. “I hope you’re not taking this the wrong way but she and I are good. We’re comfortable. It’s like, we speak the same language.”

He’s tipsy and babbling but you let him. “That’s great,” you smile softly, taking a sip of wine.

“The sex is not.” You nearly choke at his revelation. “A month after we got married–phew–” He makes a whistling sound and makes a quick, swooping gesture with his hand. “Out the door, it went.”

“I’m sorry to hear that,” you say with all sincerity.

He shrugs. “It is what it is.”

“But don’t you love her?”

He purses his lips and tilts his head from side to side. “In a certain way, sure.” He mirrors your answer from earlier this evening.

You nod vaguely, letting the words hang in the air while you both fall into a comfortable silence.

After a few beats he says, “I’ll never love anyone the way I loved you. That’s a fact.”

This isn’t the first time he’s told you this. He’s declared it several times, at least once during one of your clandestine meetings.

“When we were together, I never thought we’d split up. That never occurred to me. So–what I have with her it’s…it’s an entirely different kind of love. But if or when she suddenly comes to me and asks for a divorce, I’d give it to her. I feel like that’s where this is headed anyway.” He downs the rest of his wine before setting it down on the nightstand. “I would compare it to a piece of tape. You stick it on then peel it off and try to stick it someplace else. It might take, if you tried hard enough but…it’s never quite the same.”

You lick your dried-out lips and let out a shaky breath. “God, that sounds really sad,” your voice cracks.

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m not sad about it so you shouldn’t be!” He maintains his lightheartedness. “I think it’s perfectly fine to have different types of love, different types of relationships. Mine happens to be unconventional.”

“Unconventional, yes. But the way you speak about it, it’s as if you’re saying that you’re totally comfortable with the fact that you’ll never truly love again. That’s what saddens me.”

“I never said that,” he says in defense. “I never said I’ll never truly love again.” Then he looks you in the eye and says matter-of-factly, “I’m here with you, aren’t I?”

The look he gives you sends an involuntary shiver down to your spine which makes its way between your legs. “Yes, but what we have is different. We’ve both gone through the worst possible thing that could happen in our relationship; which is why when you’re with me, there are no surprises. No unrealistic expectations. There’s no fear lurking around because it’s all laid out for you.”

His expression is steady and unchanged. “And I’m saying this is what works for me right now. This is what works for us–”

“Ugh, Wonwoo…” you groan, sinking back into the mattress and turning on your side, facing away from him. “That’s such a fucked up way of looking at the situation. You know how fucked up we are! We’re still reeling from how our marriage ended and…” You bury your face in your palms and groan in frustration again. “Who would have thought even after we signed those papers, that it didn’t really mean the end…Like, right that second? I wish that somebody told us that breaking up takes much longer than that.”

You feel the bed dip behind you as he scoots closer, wrapping his arm around your waist to pull you flush against him. “It’s like we said, it just takes time, baby.”

“But it’s been five years!” You whine petulantly. “I just want to be done with it! You said that after we’re divorced, we’d move on and start fresh.” You turn your body around, his face is so close to yours. “Now, we’re just in this endless cycle of grief and trauma.”

You close your eyes and you feel him press his forehead on yours in silent agreement. You don’t remember how long you hold each other like that. He quiets your whimpers with the softest kisses until you both drift off to sleep.

******

“No!” Wonwoo cries out, jolting you both awake. He sits up abruptly, with his head in his hands. His back is covered in sweat and his heart feels like it’s about to burst out of his chest.

“Hey.” You sit up and rub circles on his back consolingly. “Did you have a bad dream?”

“Yeah,” he sniffs and wipes his tears away.

You offer to get him a drink of water but he declines. He gets out of bed and paces around the room.

“Do you want to talk to me about it?”

“Uh…” he breathes before sitting back down on the edge of the bed. “Yeah. I’m…trying to remember bits and pieces.” He takes a minute to regulate his breathing while simultaneously collecting his thoughts. “We were walking down the street, coming back from a dinner party or something. And then, we needed to cross the street for whatever reason.”

You hug your knees to your chest while you listen to him.

“I was holding your hand so we could go together but you went on and darted out into the dark road. I kept calling out to you but you kept moving farther away from me. I tried so hard to run after you but it was as if my feet were sealed into the concrete.” A tear rolls down his cheek. “I felt so helpless because I wanted to get to you and–I couldn’t see you. You were gone.”

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. C’mere,” You open up your arms and beckon him to come back to bed.

He obliges and nuzzles into touch. “I couldn’t get to you,” he cried.

“It was just a dream, baby.” You whisper calmly into his ear, rubbing his back to console him.

He burrows his face into the crook of your neck. “It’s not the first time I had a dream about losing you. I’ve had different versions of that dream where you disappear into the dark and I can’t move my body to reach out to you. It’s like–I’m perpetually stuck or something.”

All you can do is listen. This was his trauma talking. You continue to rub his back and rock him gently.

“You know, sometimes I wonder if…if I’ll ever love anybody. Like, truly love them. Or maybe I’ve never been truly loved before. Maybe…maybe that’s what it means. I’ll never be able to have the ability to–“

“Hey,” you interject. You pull his face away from your shoulder and cup his cheeks. “Listen to me— I love you. In my own… twisted way. And I know that you love me. In your own way.”

He smiles ruefully, his eyes welling up with emotion.

You gaze at him, brushing his cheekbone with the pad of your thumb. “I will always love you,” you say reassuringly before bringing your lips to his.

Your gentle kisses turn hungry and you can’t help when your body responds to him instinctively. Your need for him is unrelenting.

One moment he’s telling you about a nightmare and the next, you’re wrapped up in each other’s arms, your legs on either side of his hips. It doesn’t take him long to be ready for you, especially when you’re naked and bare for him.

You undulate your hips, grinding your slick over his length. His hands gripping your waist, guiding you while you pleasure yourself with the delicious friction.

“Mm, you’re so wet for me,” he whispers, reaching between you to rub circles on your clit.

“Mm-hmm,” is all you can muster.

“You ready for me, huh?” He nips at your bottom lip.

You give him a nod and he manages to pause his ministrations to reach across the nightstand. Once he sheaths himself, he takes one swift move and slips right into your center.

Each thrust is purposeful. Your fingers grip his hair as you moan into his shoulder. He gently sinks his teeth into your tender flesh, groaning. You're both floating and it’s a special kind of high.

One look at him and you heat up to a fever pitch. You take comfort in the deep baritone of his voice, goading you, whispering his naughtiest fantasies about you when you’re apart. You feel him touch you and you know it’s what you’ve been missing. He completes you.

You move in perfect sync as if you never separated. When you’re intimate like this, the questions and doubts fade when your bodies close in, filling every gap. Your connection is unrivaled.

He pulls back. “You close?”

Not that he needed an answer but he just loves watching you come undone. He ups the ante, cupping your ass cheeks and combining deep plunges with swivels, thrusting sharply and retracting slowly. Your head lolls back, dizzy with pleasure and at the same time awed by the heights he takes you to. Places where you can simultaneously forget and remember. Where nothing and nobody else exists except you and him and the mutual passion you share.

The sweat misting his brow glistens in the dusky light, his face beginning to strain as your release crests and finally crashes down. Instantly, you shudder, the tingling becoming too much to bear, your skin too sensitive. He is attuned to your body, because he stops his movements and applies pressure where you need it, keeping your hypersensitivity at bay, as his own climax hits him hard. His growls are suppressed, his face crimson with the rush of blood to his head. Your walls squeeze him greedily, prolonging your pleasure as he empties himself into you.

Wonwoo drops you both onto the mattress, collapsing in a heap of exhaustion. He is glued to your slick chest, where he will remain for the next ten minutes, snoozing, nuzzling, and kissing your neck. You hold him and savor the moment before you part and return to the alternate realities you both worked hard to establish.

Deep down, you know you’ve ruined him. You didn’t mean to. He was nothing but an innocent bystander in your own path of self-destruction. Perhaps, as your lifelong penance, you’d spend the rest of your days assuring him that he’s not broken and that he deserves unconditional love.

You breathe into his shoulder as you settle, holding him as close as you possibly can. In your own quiet way, you're telling him that you're happy to remain like this.

Main SVT Fic Masterlist

You’ve reached the end! Thank you so much for reading!

If you loved it, please comment, reblog, or send me feedback! 📩. I love hearing from readers! If you didn’t like it so much, I would still like to hear about it. Help me become a better writer! 💜

#svt fanfic #svt wonwoo #wonwoo fanfic #wonwoo x reader #wonwoo x you #wonwoo smut #svt smut #wonwoo angst #svt x reader

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nihongo-enthusiast · 2 months

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The 6 Differences Between は and が

DIFFERENCE 1

The important fact is AFTER は

• この犬は私のベットです。This dog is my pet.

You want to emphasize that this is not a stray dog. It is not someone else's pet dog. It is MY PET. So anything comes after は is the main part you want the listener to pay attention to.

The important fact is BEFORE が

• この犬が私のベットです。This dog is my pet.

You want to emphasize that THIS IS THE DOG that is my pet. Not other dogs. Imagine you're at a park and there are 3, 4 other dogs playing together with your dog and you want to tell your friend that THIS DOG is the one that is your pet dog, other dogs are not yours. So, what comes before が is the main part you want to tell the listener.

More examples:

• このケーキはおいしいです。This cake is DELICIOUS! (You want to tell your friend that this cake is indeed very good. Your emphasis falls on おいしい, so you use は, because the important fact is AFTER は.

• このケーキがおいしいです。THIS CAKE is delicious. (You want to tell your friend that among all the cakes on the buffet table, this particular cake you are pointing to is the most delicious one. Others are not good.) Your emphasis falls on このケーキ (THIS CAKE), so you use が, because the important fact is BEFORE が.

DIFFERENCE 2

New information and things that you mention for the first time, use が. Old information or topics that have been mentioned earlier but is now repeated again, use は.

• 学校にマイクという男がいます。There is boy named Mike in my school.

You started the conversation with your friend by saying there's a new student named Mike in the school. That is the first time you mentioned Mike. It is new information, therefore use が.

• マイクはアメリカ出身です。Mike is from America.

You mention Mike the 2nd time now and it is no longer a new information. It is considered old information, therefore use は.

DIFFERENCE 3

Stating facts without adding your personal opinion or judgment use が. By adding your own opinion or judgment, use は.

• 外に猫がいます。There is a cat outside.

You are just merely stating a fact that there is a cat outside. This sentence doesn't include your description about the cat. No personal opinion or judgment about the cat.

• あの猫は白いです。The cat is white in colour.

You are putting your description, your judgment into the sentence about the cat. When you are adding your own thoughts, opinion, description about something, use は.

• 日本の料理はおいしいです。Japanese food is tasty.

You are putting your opinion/judgment about Japanese food in your sentence, therefore, use は.

DIFFERENCE 4

When you make comparison, use は. When you eliminate other options, use が.

• お茶は好きですが、コーヒーは好きじゃありません。I like tea but I don't like coffee.

DIFFERENCE 5

If two actions are done by the same person, use は. If two actions are done by two different persons, use が first, then use は for the second action.

• 私はごはんを食べるとき、テレビを見ます。I have my meal and I am watching TV.

• 私がごはんを食べるとき、父はテレビを見ます。When I have my meal, my father watches TV.

DIFFERENCE 6

To modify a phrase into a noun, use が.

• これは彼女が作ってくれたケーキです。

What cake is this? This is the cake that is baked by my girlfriend. The phrase 「彼女が作ってくれた」 is to modify the cake, to describe about the cake.

Quiz Time

• 部屋は広いです。

• 部屋が広いです。

In English, both sentences mean "The room is spacious." But what is the difference?

In 部屋は広いです, it shows a comparison contrast nuance (read DIFFERENCE 4). If you say this, the listener will believe that you are making a comparison of this room with all the other rooms in the house. You want to say this room is spacious, whereas the other rooms are smaller in size.

In 部屋が広いです, you are merely stating a general fact about this room being spacious (read DIFFERENCE 3). You are not making any comparison. Your sentence has no added personal judgement or opinion. You are stating a fact about the room being spacious.

#japanese #nihongo #studyblr #study blog #study japanese #study motivation #learning #learn japanese #language #grammar #jlpt #jlpt n5 #jlpt n4 #jlpt n3 #jlpt n2 #jlpt n1

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foundfamilywhump · 7 months

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serious word of warning about a server that's been making the rounds

i've debated about making this post a lot, for a lot of reasons. i'm concerned about making it as a trans person and as a relatively new blog, though i've been involved in the whump community for years. i hope you'll hear me out and i'm not looking forward to whatever backlash may come my way, should anyone actually pay attention to this at all.

the short version is: the whump discord server 'whump lovers collaborate' (@/whumplovers-collaborate) is unsafe and hostile to trans people and the server owner will not take action to shut down transphobia, nor will she allow her mod team to do so. i am certain this would apply to other bigotries as well. i know this because i am trans, and when i called out some disgustingly transphobic commentary being made by a member of the server i was blamed for causing drama, essentially, and there was a rule added to the server not to talk about 'controversial topics' or get into arguments, and that was all that was done.

the much longer version is under the cut. i just can't sit on this anymore after seeing that the server got advertised in the whumptober server (to no fault of the whumptober mods who didn't know about any of this, they're fine) and also seeing hundreds of notes on posts broadcasting it. this server is unsafe for trans people and the server owner is actively enabling bigots. given the whump community has a bit of a transphobia problem in some places, i wanted to make sure no trans person or ally was unwittingly walking into that without warning. i'd appreciate it if you would spread the word as well, to keep trans community members and allies safe.

so, here's what happened:

i was in the whump lovers collaborate server for a while earlier this year. in february, a member of the server started spouting off some extremely transphobic rhetoric, including talking about inherent biological differences between men and women, that women are inherently and unchangeably weaker than men, that men have a 'biological instinct' to protect women, and other things. (there was also some bizarre commentary about how abuse or assault committed against men was inherently less upsetting, and often funny to witness because of this).

seeing this and being unwilling, as both a trans person and someone who believes it is important to not let bigotry go unchallenged, i stepped in and called out these statements for being both factually untrue and steeped in both misogyny and transphobia. this person and i went around and around in circles as he asked 'genuine questions' which were just thinly veiled excuses to continue needling me on the subject. eventually, i shut it down by saying that this was not the appropriate venue for a transphobic cis person to get educated about the nuance of the trans experience and trans issues, but what he was saying was transphobic and he needed to stop now that he'd been told that.

throughout this interaction, mods were emoji-reacting and responding to other things. at no point did any mod step in to help me or shut down the transphobia or at all intervene in what was happening. after i shut things down for good, one of the mods said 'thanks for keeping everything respectful' which was a truly laughable thing to have said in that situation.

after this, the server owner made an announcement that said, among a few other things about Not Fighting: "Friendly reminder that we are all here because of what we have in common, our love of writing We are not here to debate controversial issues Or say harmful opinions If you cannot hold a conversation without being civil and without escalating conflict, back away from the channel, and cool down All involved in a conflict are responsible for turning a chill space sour No matter how right you think you are (I’m not saying no mention of controversial things is allowed per se, I’m saying be civil, if that means avoiding controversial topics, avoid away)"

this is not an appropriate response to one person espousing blatant transphobia (among other disgusting views) and being called on it. a rule was added that if a mod or the server owner asked you to change the subject from a topic, you had to do so immediately and there should be no more discussion of it 'by any of the participants'. no rule was present to begin with making clear that bigotry was not tolerated, nor was one added.

subsequently, the server owner made it clear she had no interest in protecting marginalized community members, and that she blamed me for what happened because i refused to allow rampant transphobia to proceed unchecked.

when either asked by other server members about what happened or when asking server members who left why they left (which is a weird thing to do on its own) the server owner responded by essentially throwing a fit and asking what she was supposed to do? kick the transphobe out? she whined about how the person saying something should be done about the transphobe was assuming that she hadn't already done anything.

(she also said that she hadn't done anything. the person was not warned, muted, banned, there were no consequences. but she whined about the assumption that she hadn't done anything about it.)

she also said that it wasn't just the transphobe's fault. "[transphobe] was not the only one at fault there in that others contributed to the conflict by engaging them, drawing out more of their unpleasant opinions. If I punished [problem person] alone, the others might think that they were in the right" that is a direct quote from the server owner. i was clearly the person she was speaking about, and she refused to enforce consequences on the transphobe because that might lead to me thinking that it was okay to call out transphobia and protect myself and other trans people in that space.

when i spoke to a few of the other mods about what happened, the response was disappointing, to put it mildly. the mod team had apparently tried to argue with her and get her to enforce a no bigotry policy but she was afraid of causing arguments and didn't want to deal with conflict, and so refused to do so. this is not acceptable behaviour for someone who is in charge of such a large space. you cannot be this conflict-averse and also run a server of hundreds of people, especially if the outcome is protecting bigots.

the mods i spoke to also got defensive and upset when i pointed out that by not expressing disagreement with the owner's actions and by throwing up their hands and saying 'oh well, nothing we can do!' they were also tacitly endorsing transphobia and a community that protects transphobes at the expense of trans people. they were unwilling to do anything in the moment, and failed to do anything after the fact either.

i have screenshots and proof of all of these events, but i didn't add them here bc i didn't want to make this even longer. please feel free to contact me directly if you would like any further information or to see proof of what i have mentioned here.

in short:

please do not join this server. you will not be protected there, as the server owner cares more about making it as big and as popular as possible than she does about keeping her server bigot-free. please do not promote this server or allow this server to be promoted in your own spaces either. please do your part to keep trans people in the whump community safe.

#whump #whump community #whumpblr #idk what else to tag this with ugh #long post

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comradekatara · 2 months

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What do you think makes the original ATLA so good when practically every subsequent piece of spinoff media ranges from mediocre to downright reactionary? Considering some of the stuff the og creators were responsible for counts among the very worst, I don't think it can be blamed on their lack of involvement. Idk I've always wondered about this because it's so strange. Did ATLA end up being good purely by accident & nobody involved in its creation actually understood what they were doing or what?

lmfao i definitely do think masterpieces can be created purely by accident. not that there aren’t elements of careful deliberation and a lot of collaboration involved, but it really was a lightning in a bottle sort of project. like this is just conjecture bc i haven’t seen any of their other projects but apparently the creator of black sails has made some other, bad shows. or the creators of utena as well. see, even, the stupid lame ass ending to fionna and cake. there’s no guarantee that just because someone (or a creative team) can create a coherent, nuanced work means that they can replicate that success ad infinitum.

i think that where atla truly excels is in its character writing, which is why the fandom (a fundamentally character-focused phenomenon) still endures (not that they really get the characters lmao, but at least we’re all way too deeply attached to them in the first place). and the anti-imperialist politics are almost incidental to the show’s success. i’ve said before that it was much easier for liberals to critique american imperialism during the bush administration, because the invasion of iraq was completely inexcusable, and also very easy to criticize if you dress it up in children’s fantasy and always have the defense of going “no, don’t you see, the fire nation isn’t the us, it’s the prc, it’s imperial japan!! you know, our enemies…!” which a lot of people to this day actually believe — not that there aren’t allusions to other imperialist histories (esp wrt the air nomad genocide), but zuko’s whole speech to ozai in “the day of black sun” is literally a critique regarding what it means to live in the imperial core. it’s a western, american show for americans first and foremost.

…. and then lok was made during the obama administration. neoliberal identity politics abound. and don’t get me wrong, some of those identity politics were a good thing, because i love seeing milves and bisexuals and korra just like. in general. but it’s also a show that fundamentally revolves around capitalism as its central theme without every actually participating in a coherent class critique. the closest we get is mako and bolin visiting their family in the lower ring, which doesn’t count, bc that was established in atla.

however, just because atla endures in our consciousness, and i am truly finding new things to appreciate about it all the time, does not mean that it is without flaws, and so i do think that it’s pretty fair to assume that its success as a work of fiction and a work of art would of course be undermined by the economic forces that demanded it continued to expand its franchise for profit rather than out of any narrative or thematic need to do so. it always comes back to liberalism and capitalism. lol

#bickazer #asks #lok crit #they just need to put their pens down . just stop

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andypantsx3 · 10 months

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Andie send help. I'm a Nanami stan through and through (Or so I thought...) but with the new jjk season and everyone talking about him, I fear my weak heart can't resist Gojo anymore... OTL

So defeated and ashamed I come to you: do you by any chance have any Gojo x reader fic recs?

Thank you ❤️

Lmfaoooo Gojo is inevitable!! I do have a couple Gojo recs off the top of my head although I am certain I am forgetting some. I will try to come back and add more as I remember them!!

First of all I recommend anything by the ult Gojo simp @stellamancer. Niku has several really good ones, some ongoing, and they are all super different premises but all of them perfectly capture Gojo's annoying enigmatic-ness. Niku also has this really heartfelt style of storytelling; you will eat her fics up with a spoon.

For me, @petrichorium's usurper!Gojo series was like the gateway into Gojo simpery. This is one of my fave series ever, and again Pluvi captures his character so well, he's so dangerous and cocky and yet so soft and careful with the things he really cares about. I want to lick his boots. :/ (Total perfection.)

I recently reblogged @lorelune's fic dawn instinct and I cannot recommend enough. It's purportedly smut but Lore does like insane levels of character work throughout and it's so completely, masterfully executed. I haven't read all their other stuff yet but I added like everything to my TBR, they're so good.

I also recently reblogged @mintmatcha's vignettes in cerulean and hoooly shit. It's short but it's so impactful. Mint's writing is somehow very focused and cerebral and I found myself thinking about this one for days and days after. I think it will stick with you too.

I also have to recommend @yeowchies' whet your appetite fic too. This one literally gave me butterflies. Gojo is so fucking sexy and obnoxious here and I wanted to climb into the fic and beat his ass!! You will love love love his characterization here.

And no Gojo list would be complete without @hawnks's first law of motion!! Mint is one of the most reliable writers in our niche and one thing I love about her fics is how the love interest usually falls fast, and soooo hard! If you want to feel loved and cared for, read this. This one is lengthier too so you will have plenty to simp over!!

Also I haven't read it yet but @seoafin's rip 2 my youth is on my TBR!! It's a Gojo x Reader x Getou fic, and it looks so fucking good. I have seen multiple people dissolving into puddles over this fic, so you know it has to be good. I'm so excited!!

I also haven't read this one yet but I have @shibaraki's the white rabbit on my TBR too!! Monty has the most creative concepts in this entire niche and this one features courtesan Gojo and I am certain it is gonna be both nuanced and sexy as hell hehehe.

Lastly, this isn't an x Reader, but if you are willing to read Gojo x canon characters, I'm absolutely obsessed with this gojohime writer on ao3 called unpetitlapin. Her Gojo is unbearably obnoxious but so good and flawed and so multidimensional kjsfjshdkfjshdkgl. I love it.

Anyway that's what I can think of for now, although I am certain there are ones from earlier in 2022-2021 that I will need to track down and add here. But in the meantime, happy reading!!

#ask andie #jjk fic recs #fic recs

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lurkingshan · 3 months

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Cherry Magic Episode 10

They tried it again this week with adding another restriction on this show, but we shall persevere! The rest of the episodes are apparently going to be behind a paywall on Viu on air date, and then become free access the following day. The upside to paying the small premium membership fee is we can finally see Tay Tawan in 1080p as god intended (and pro tip: there do not seem to be any screen limits, buy one account and split it amongst friends).

With all that figured out, we got to another excellent episode of this show! Big, big relationship growth for Achi and Karan this week, as they learned that hiding their real feelings and desires from each other doesn't help them (and gave us an A+ forehead kiss parallel). I loved the nuance of it all, too—Karan was lying about sitting outside Achi's house every night and trying to hide how sad he was about Achi missing Loy Krathong, but he also genuinely had no anger toward Achi about it and was just trying to make things easier for him. And Achi was telling Karan he wanted the practice time apart (honestly, horrible idea boys, your time together is precious) while secretly hoping Karan would come see him anyway. In relationships, you can't claim to want one thing while secretly hoping for another and expect that to pan out for you.

And I love that Achi did realize that, and that he does trust Karan even despite these little white lies, and that this time, he had to step up and be the one to make the grand gesture to make sure Karan knows he loves him and will miss him. Roping in the office gang to help pull off the surprise was a fun turn of events, and I love that his confidence has grown enough that he can ask for that help without being embarrassed. They're going to be fine through this separation, and when they are back together I look forward to the show addressing the elephant in the room, because when they were walking together on their date I couldn't help but notice that they would have been holding hands were it not for the barrier Achi's powers present. They need to be able to have intimacy while maintaining privacy and mental space, and we know what needs to happen to get there!

I also loved the Jinta/Min story this episode, and that we got to see Jinta do a much less dignified version of Karan's pining. The plot about fans shipping Min with his dance partner was new and felt like exactly the kind of thing that would come up in his career, and that Jinta would flail over. I like that Min saw exactly what was going on and called him on it. The irony of Jinta being the one who can read minds but Min being the one who actually understands everything happening between them is delicious. And Jinta showed up for him in a big way after his loss by not only affirming how he sees Min, but showing Min that he still has fans who feel the same way. Excellent boyfriend behavior from our friend Jinta.

As for Rock and Pai, it looks like we'll be getting our final answer there next week, but given that Pai continues to be uninterested in romance and focused on her work and her hobbies, I don’t think it will go the way Rock hopes. He is barking up the wrong tree (his instincts for romance are clearly NOT strong, given he had no idea Achi and Karan were a couple), and I am hopeful that Pai will tell him so next week.

#cherry magic th #cherry magic thailand #thai bl #shan shouts into the void

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crooked-wasteland · 3 months

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Hazbin Hotel Live Blog: Masquerade

So, been a few and we pre-gamed for this one extra special. I will be transparent in that I have a personal history with SA and quid pro quo sexual abuse as well as physical and domestic abuse. My partner has warned me prior on the larger portions of the shock value Medrano uses, but we both are not really sure how I will react to this.

Amazon has added an explicit warning for sexual assault to the episode that was not previously there. So good on them for that.

The audio between Keith David and Blake Roman feels like they were done in different parts of the world.

Tell not show. Husk just says all the things.

Angel Dust is shrill. I’ve never described a human being as shrill, but this vocal performance is shrill and I wish he never spoke again.

WTF was that animation as Charlie kicks her legs.

Valentino could be such an interesting character, but he lacks any depth.

So Charlie is just an idiot.

Blake completely loses the Angel Dust voice. He’s not even in character and the only thing he has to act with is his voice. You have to stay in character to be a voice actor.

The whole scene in the dressing room lacks any weight. Everything is so sudden and contrived. Charlie fucks up the shoot so Valentino has an excuse to abuse Angel Dust and it’s so obvious where the direction of events are going that it isn’t even emotionally investing. And it’s a testament to the fact that I was a pilot fan and invested in where Medrano would take the show to now saying I just don’t care.

“Just don’t hurt her” Where was the inclination that would happened. Angel Dust going off on Charlie was actually well written, but the fact that it is supposed to be seen as insincere ruins it.

The song has the most graphic depiction of sexual abuse and yet the whole message is confused.

Angel Dust is sexually abused and proceeds to Sexually harass Husk.

So Charlie ruined his day, but let’s blame Husk.

Why are we supposed to believe Husk is judging Angel Dust? He’s an alcoholic.

Angel Dust is living in self harm with his promiscuity and drug abuse, and that isn’t supposed to be who he actually is, it’s supposed to be his persona` to get by, but that feels like we are getting a whole new character introduced 4 episodes in.

Loser Baby is the worst thing I have ever heard musically and lyrically.

I stand by what I said about Loser Baby. It completely lacks any depth or emotional processing. It’s just two people who are making excuses for themselves and saying “well, I’m not the only one.”

So this is the shortest list I have because so much of it cannot be bullet points. Animation wise it lacks weight. The characters being hurt doesn’t feel real it lacks the sense of gravity needed for the violence to feel mature. This is less intense than Tom and Jerry. On the other hand, Blake Roman’s vocal performance is awful. He can’t keep his voice in character when he tries to have any amount of emotion, but the vocal deliveries that at least are in his character range are on par with Whitey from 8 Crazy Nights. It is ear splitting. Aside from that, the transparency of how Medrano is obviously ticking boxes to get to the emotional beats she planned, actual nuance and depth be damned. I just don’t care about what is happening, which actually is the only reason this isn’t so triggering. This episode revels in sexual abuse fetishism and it is equally as defensive about it. The signs pointing at Angel Dust are repulsive and to then have it set against the backdrop of “You aren’t alone so why bother changing” is appalling. I stand by the statement that this is group therapy without the therapy. The whole idea behind the group therapy setting is that you can learn from others on how better to help yourself, but this online generation has seemed to think that the group part was what made the therapy effective. In reality it is very easy for a group setting to become a cesspool of covert narcissism.

On the other hand, I don’t get how anyone could have thought this was about abuse of any kind. Because the whole episode treats sexual abuse as a joke from the beginning to the end. The only time it is taken seriously, it is whiplash. Angel Dust telling Husk how he wishes to become so ruined and broken that his abuser wouldn’t want him anymore is so heavy and abruptly serious when every other moment of abuse is either so cartoonishly done like the dressing room, or is played as sexy or a joke. It is a joke in the script from how poorly written the pornos are (which its shown Angel doesn’t want to participate in, but it’s made to be comedic so that aspect fades real fast) to how unimportant it is that Angel is literally attempted to be drugged.

And Charlie has officially become the worst character. I didn’t even see Charlie as a character, it’s very obvious where Medrano sources her inspiration. Just like how Lute is Peridot, Charlie is just Harley Quinn, except she has none of the charm and all of the annoyance. Which goes back to what I said before.

I think the worst part is that I don’t care. I really just don’t care because the characters just don’t care, and even when they do, I don’t know them enough to invest in them emotionally. This is not at all on the series being 8 episodes, this is exactly how I feel watching Helluva Boss, whom Vivienne is making a season 3 for as we speak. So the limitations are not why this series is so painfully shallow, it’s a reflection of a creator who lacks depth as a human being. Who has no life experience to draw from to really empathize with the characters and craft around it an emotionally visceral narrative. This is someone who lives their life as a simulation, pressing the right buttons, making the right choices to get the predictable outcome. If you told me Vivienne Medrano was actually a prototype android AI, I would believe you. This is how a computer thinks humans feel, even the abrupt changes in emotion is simulation of an AI program. Things move unnaturally fast in a computer, hours are like years in terms of social media. So I don’t think anyone is surprised that this feels like a script written and directed by ChatGPT.

This episode I didn’t find triggering. The episode itself does not affect me. What does trigger me is knowing the kind of person needed to make an episode like this in the first place. I don’t think anyone should necessarily be banned from telling any sort of story, but the byproduct of a machine and internet algorithms should never be allowed to tell human stories.

-20/10

#vivziepop critical #vivziepop #vivienne medrano #spindlehorse critical #vivziepop criticism #hazbin hotel episode 4 #hazbin hotel liveblog #hazbin critical #hazbin hotel criticism #hazbin hotel critical

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my-rose-tinted-glasses · 5 months

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Rose Recaps Rose Tinted Glasses It's been three months since I made a post thanking this community for being a place for me to share my love of BL.

And since then, every day I feel a little bit more comfortable here.

This place is so special to me for so many reasons and the fact that I found it is a small miracle. I was talking with my friend Neely about something BL related and they told me that they think I'm doing much better since I came here. So thanks again.

I was never a part of any online fandom. And before BL I never really felt like I was missing something. Maybe because I always found someone irl that I could freak out about whatever I was watching I never really felt the need to go look.

And the people here are exceptionally kind. Before, I made a point to never engage much online, except for certain support groups, because of the hate that sometimes exists in certain spaces. So I was very much surprised by the kind humans that exist in this bl fandom in this corner of the internet.

Also. There is some serious brilliant people here. Look giffing is not easy, it takes a long time, sometimes you spend so much time with a set only to hate it by the end and never posting it. And sometimes you post something and you're really proud and crickets. And sometimes you post it just so it doesn't go to waste and all of a sudden it explodes. It's all part of the magic.

I keep my sets pretty simple so I'm in awe of how some people make these beautiful art pieces with layers and colouring and typography. It's incredible and I applaud your creativity and patience.

Speaking of brilliance, I'm constantly in awe of the meta writers. That shit is not easy.

It takes way longer than we think, to make it neat and readable, adding gifs or shots to illustrated a point, sometimes wasting so much time finding the gif you want in the mess that is the gif search (I understand it now, cause yesterday I was on the hunt and it would've been quicker to make the damn gifs), and reviewing it before posting, changing it in the process, sometimes leaving it in drafts because the idea is not completed. I'm tired just thinking about this. I'm not able to do that. Sure I can talk for hours about this stuff but actually organize my ideas into a coherent point of view and writing it down. Nope. Not me. So bravo meta writers. I applaud you.

And of course all the people that share the stuff that really matters. Like the colours, the wardrobe, the places we see, the news about what's coming, language nuances, pictures of the pretty people in sometimes ridiculous or beautiful outfits, sometimes the pretty people before shirts were invented, and some of the funniest commentary I ever encountered.

I don't wanna single people out by tagging them because truly there are way too many. So I just want to thank some people that helped me navigate this place and made this time so enjoyable. First and foremost. @twig-tea You were the first person I talked to here and you were so kind and patient with me and my awkwardness and lack of knowledge of how this place works. She also writes great meta and is brilliant and everyone should be following her. @lurkingshan because of the Sahara-Sensei post that you tagged me in and made me feel so seen. @pharawee because IFYLITA just wouldn't have been the same without your sets. @respectthepetty because she helped get the colour coded subs right and she appreciates the bokeh in all its glory. @itsallaboutbl for screaming with me in portuguese. @mikuni14 Because she's been so incredible kind to me. @iguessitsjustme because of many reasons. And If I ever reblogged anything from you, consider yourself tagged in this post. All of you are amazing. And finally...

@blmpff for a lot but mostly for the most unexpected and incredible moment I experienced in this short time. The day that a bird took over my dash. Khun Feathers was such a treat and this masterpiece was the highlight of the day.

image by @blmpff It's been a wonderful year and I look forward to see what happens tomorrow. Wishing you all a happy new year!💜

#rose rambles #rose recaps 2023

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mybworlds · 2 months

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Chapter 2: You're lost in a trance

Title: The Mermaid of the Narrow Sea Pairing: Oberyn Martell x F!Reader (no Y/N) Chapter summary: Meereen, you and Prince Oberyn begin to know each other Masterlist Rating: M Series warnings: age gap, slavery, sexism, praises, violence, blood, death, alcool use, arranged marriage, slow burn, smut, dom/sub dynamics, dirty talk, rape attempts. Extra warning: a vicious brother (oc), Ellaria is a jealous woman in this story. Before to start... thank you very much for your likes and reblogs, if you want to let me know what you think about, I'd love. Today it's been 10 yrs of our beloved Prince Oberyn, time flies. If you want to be added to my taglist let me know.

Taglist: @christinamadsen

follow @mybworlds and turn on notifications to get notified when I post new fics and chapters

thank you @idontgetanysleep for dividers

You feel as if you are immobilized by his eyes, his gaze, you saw so many eyes on you, eager gazes, and you always felt disgust and revulsion toward those kinds of men so much so that you never trusted any of them, but the gaze of that Prince bewitched you, totally. He wears a robe full of strange symbols in the shape of the Sun, maybe it's a coat of arms.

"Is she a slave?" the young man asks, taking a step toward the other man who nods "The slave my brother wanted?" he asks again for confirmation, his tone of voice surprised almost as if he didn't expect you really were.

"Yes, my Prince," the second man confirms again. Both men look at you, or rather, the young man stares at you, he does so from head to toe, he has an amused look on his face, as if he is thinking about who knows what, as he scrutinizes you.

The man comes back to look at you, you look into each other's eyes, you can't look away from his dark ones, it's as if you are studying each other, you don't speak nor does he move, but you know he would like to touch you, by now you recognize those looks, that's all men think about.

"You're beautiful." he tells you, approaching you with a smile, you furrow your brow as if you are waiting for the Prince to reveal his true nature a few moments from now, namely that of a sleazy little man ready only to satisfy his primal needs and overpower the weaker. He's close, too close, too close, you take a step back blinking your eyes, you don't want him so close to you, you don't. The man stops, he's surprised, you catch this nuance in his eyes, he turns to the elder "Does she understand our language?"

"Yes, my Prince," he replies.

"I don't want to hurt you," the Prince tries again, but you take another half step back. You end up against a wall of that dingy place, your back to the wall, and you swallow without ceasing to stare in particular at the man next to you and without losing sight of the second one either. The Prince turns to the elderly man, "Please bring some food and water and order a bath to be prepared, clean. I don't want a tub full of lice, clean." orders the Prince in a calm tone, barely turning his head toward the man behind him. The latter takes his leave with a half bow and goes out, closing the door, only the two of you remain, you and this young stranger.

"I don't know how you've lived so far," the Prince begins without ceasing to look you in the eye, "but I won't hurt you," he continues, neither touching you nor trying to, and that works in his favor.

You find yourself thinking and lowering your gaze for a moment, "Do you have a name?" he asks without looking away from your face.

You are not my master, though, you think.

You nod slowly, "Would you like to tell me? I promise I'll make good use of it," he adds curious. You lower your gaze, your name... oh, you barely remember it, you barely remember how your mother murmured it when she cradled you in her arms to fall you asleep, the last time you heard it came out of her sweet lips, it sounded like a melody said by her, then no one called you by your real name anymore, only by your current nickname.

The man cocks his head to one side waiting for you to speak, you do. It's a whisper your real name, by now you don't know who you really are, you don't know why you told him, to that man, to a Prince especially.

"No one, however, calls me by my real name," you add, still in a whisper, "they all call me Mermaid of the Narrow Sea," you continue.

Do you have to give him curtsy? You've never done one, does he expect it?

"I prefer your name," he replies with a half-smile and then repeats it softly, you don't know why said by him your name sounds so warm, you don't know why hearing it pronounced by someone like him makes you cringe and swallow "things and people must be called by their names, not by qualities or appellations, I never liked that. I am Oberyn, even though everyone calls me Prince Oberyn." he introduces himself, you look at him.

"No curtsy, if that's what's bothering you," he continues again as if he read your mind "People have to do what they want, not what they have to by some form of compulsion." he adds lowering his gaze for a moment, at that time three beautiful maidens burst in with golden bowls, there is food inside them, lots of it. You don't know what kind of food is, but what doesn't escape you are the languid looks of the three young women, almost certainly prostitutes, and the Prince.

He may fill his mouth with fine words, but he's still a man, you think with disgust.

"You are wonderful, girls," says the man reaching out them and looking them as a lion would when faced with easy prey, the girls giggle. You refuse to watch those shows, you still don't really know what will become of you, it's true the man told you he won't hurt you, but that doesn't mean he doesn't want to make you his own and make you like one of those girls he is now touching or maybe it will be his brother - your master - who will do it. You can't trust him, you hear some more laughter, then the three young women leave and you are alone again, you and him. You don't move, you stay in that corner. "Are you hungry?" you nod "Come." he continues, extending an arm as if inviting you to join him.

If he expects you to get on that bed and give yourself to him to thank him for the food, he is wrong.

Is he mocking you, perhaps? Does he want you to imitate him? Absolutely not.

When he realizes you don't reach him, he turns his back to you and lays on the bed on his back leaning on a forearm. You see him bite into those foods with a grace and sensuality that you are forced to look away, swallowing.

There's so much strange-looking, colorful food, you've never seen anything like it. It even smells good!

You don't even know what it is, you approach slowly as if to probe the ground and make sure you can turn around and hide in that corner, he just stands there on the bed grumbling after each bite, it must be good or maybe he's just exaggerating to try to get you to relax.

"It's okay, come on." he repeats as if you were a small animal afraid to get too close to a human being, you look up from food at the Prince who is there on the bed with his legs stretched out eating. You get close enough to grab in both hands what you can and run back to the corner without ever turning your back on Prince Oberyn.

You bite a yellow grape and it is sweet, so sweet. A little whimper escapes your lips, you bite another and another, when you look up you see that the young man is looking at you with an amused look, you look at him with a suspicious frown, "You have to spit out the seeds, don't eat them." he warns you, you look at the grapes you still have in your hands "You can eat them, but they alter the taste of the fruit a little." he adds. You keep eating them, ignoring what he just said, then you move on to an orange fruit, it's soft, strange. You smell it and at that moment the Prince comes down, you immediately run back.

"Don't be afraid," he tells you as he approaches you, "I just want to show you how to eat that fruit in your hand." he adds, "If you bite it like you did before, you risk breaking your teeth or choking. " he warns you, you don't know whether to be more terrified at the idea of having him come near you or the idea of choking, you swallow and remain motionless, your eyes wide open, as he very slowly approaches you, "Here you go." he says splitting the orange fruit in his hands, revealing a large, dark stone inside, you swallow "See?" you look up into his face "Here, eat it."

"You eat it!" you reply suspiciously.

He smiles, "Whatever you say, sweetheart." he says removing that stone and biting into the orange fruit "Delicious. I'll give you the other half." he says again holding out the other half of the fruit in the palm of his hand, you look at the man's tapered hand outstretched toward you and only then you notice a ring to his hand, then the man's face, his features, his eyes, and you don't feel like he's there ready to attack you, but you can't trust him. He is a man.

Quickly you grab what is left of the fruit from the palm of his hand and eat it, eat it without taking your eyes off him. You fear there is some trick on his part, some attempt to get you to drop your guard and then hit you, but he does nothing. He doesn't move, just smiles without stopping looking at you.

"Good?" he asks you, you nod "Good." he comments smiling at you, he definitely wants to try to calm you down, but you can't "I'll take you over there now, you can trust me. The girls will help you wash up," he adds taking a half step toward the door "I'll walk you, I'm not going in, I'll wait for you outside," he adds again.

"Why?" you ask him wrinkling your forehead.

"Why what, my dear?"

You remain for a moment interdicted by these appeals he is giving you, "Why would you accompany me? Are you afraid I will escape?" you ask him, he smiles amused as if you have just said something very funny.

"Although the idea of seeing my brother without his toy amuses me, I do so because I fear you might attack anyone outside of me," he replies.

"Who says I don't attack you too," you say staring into his eyes.

Toy? So, is that what you are? Is this how Prince Oberyn sees you?

He also looks you in the eyes "Because I can tell who wants to do it from who doesn't." he retorts, leaving you dumbfounded "Now, my girl, come." he adds, opening the doors and stretching an arm outward "Follow me. " you follow him half a step away, you could run away, but you are as if hypnotized by him, and yet he is only a man you tell yourself, he is only a Prince, he is no better than others, but nevertheless you can't help but feel captivated by his elegant and sensual ways, his bewitching gaze, his warm and safe voice.

He leads you up to a semi-dark room, you are always on the alert, you don't know what dangers may lurk in that room, but you discover that inside there are four women, a large tub in the center and then jars and sponges all scattered around there.

The women greet and lasciviously look at Prince Oberyn winking at him, the Prince is no less. He smiles and looks at the women as if he is ready to eat them, he walks up to them and holds two of them close to him "Girls, I entrust you with this wonderful flower, take care of her as you know how." he tells them, while one sensually caresses his cheek and the other instead wanders a hand down his back.

The Prince then turns to you, "Don't be afraid, they will be as delicate as feathers." saying that, he takes his leave of you and exits. He'd like to see you without any clothing, he'd like to admire your body, the soap on your shoulders, on your back, he'd like to smell the perfume spreading along your body, he'd like to admire your legs, but he sensed that you would not at all like his presence there in that room, so, before he was driven out of your sight, he took his leave. He would give you time to get used to his presence, he was the one who - despite the fact that of women and men he had known - is very impressed by your frightened and hurt look, just as those strange thoughts were making their way through him, he hears from inside the room a series of strange noises and then little muffled cries, Oberyn smiles, he's sure you are giving those four poor girls in there a hard time.

His, however, is a fleeting smile because shortly thereafter he wonders why he is so patient toward you, on other occasions finding maidens intimidated or too shy he'd dismissed them and sought pleasure and amusement elsewhere and instead your eyes, your terrified look in his presence - and also in his absence apparently - struck him. As he thinks about this, he decides to devote himself to something that can help him distract himself and immediately put aside the thought of you.

He does not know and yet he is so eager to find out and especially to see how you would give his brother a hard time. His brother ... well, if Prince Oberyn was a much-loved, respected and at the same time feared man, his brother Mors was neither respected nor loved, but everyone was terrified of him. Prince Oberyn and his brother Doran managed to a certain extent to control his madness, even their sister Elia managed to keep him at bay to a certain extent, but since she was gone, no one could control Mors Martell anymore. He became an instinctive, violent man, and not only with the servants, even with his family members and grandchildren, everyone was afraid and that's why they kept him away.

She is just a slave, thinks the Prince, what is so special about her?

Oberyn wonders what he would do with you, what he wants from you, how he would treat you, when you would calm down, he will talk to you about him, you must know who his brother is, you must be ready for anything.

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shina913 · 9 months

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Dandelion | KNJ

Dandelion

Pairing: Namjoon x Fem!Reader

Rating: M 🔞; NSFW

Genre: Infidelity!AU; exes!AU; angst; some fluff; smut

Warnings: cussing; sexually suggestive language; clit play; protected sex; questionable morals; open conversation about infidelity; hurt without comfort

Word count: 4.8K words

Summary: You and Namjoon reunite to celebrate a special evening.

A/N: If you don't like reading about cheaters - please feel free to skip! Thank you, Sim @roaminginthenights for your notes. They added more depth and nuance to the story in so many words. Thank you @midnightagust for looking this over as well and helping me simplify and improve some of the wording. I appreciate you both!

Tonight is special. A night you didn’t think you’d ever celebrate again. Yet here you were, in a rental car, in a town you’d left years before.

Other than one particular overnight reservation, there are no other formal plans. You’d order takeout and perhaps pick up a bottle of wine or two from the corner store.

Your phone rings. You bring it up to check the caller ID and smile when you recognize the name flashing on the screen.

“Hi, honey!”

“Hi mom,” your daughter greets you on speakerphone.

“Is everything okay?”

“Mom? Helloooo? Are you listening to me?”

You scramble to get back to your call as your passenger shuts the door. “Uh–sure, honey. That all sounds great. Just make sure you get some sleep and listen to auntie, okay?”

“Okay.”

“And you know I told you that I have a late-night meeting so no phone calls but you can always text–”

“I know, mom.” She’s exasperated in a manner that only middle-schoolers who know it all would be. You exchange ‘I-love-you’s’ before she ends the call.

And now, you can properly greet your new arrival.

“Hi,” Namjoon says.

“Hi,” you greet him with a smile. “That was Yuna.”

“So I heard,” he smiles. “Is she sleeping over at Emma’s?”

You nod. “She’s thrilled. It’s a school night and she gets to stay up late with her favorite cousin.”

He chuckles. “I don’t know if I can top organic facemasks when she comes over next week, but I’ll try.”

“I’m sure she’ll be happy with whatever you’ve got planned for her.”

“Right. As long as she’s happy.”

You miss this. You miss him.

Somehow, you find the willpower to wrench yourself away from him. “Easy there. We’re still in the parking lot.”

You can see the mischief in his eyes even through his glasses. “So? It’s not like that’s stopped us before.” His hands trail between your legs, cupping your heat.

“I know but,” you gently push his hand away. “We have a reservation and it’s late so we should probably get going.”

He sighs, relenting. “Okay.” He reaches back for the seatbelt then stops short of buckling in. “By the way, happy anniversary,” he grins.

You feel a flutter in your chest and your cheeks warm up. “Happy anniversary,” you reply.

******

Namjoon scrolls through his phone, scanning for the email confirmation that contained the security code and instructions to unlock the rental.

“Are you sure you have it?”

“I’ve got it! Trust me.” He scrolls some more until he exclaims, and finally sees the coveted email.

He carefully punches the code on the door’s keypad until you hear it chime, confirming that you’ve gained access.

You walk through the door and into this place that is known to you. But seeing it again after so long, makes it feel unfamiliar.

The first thing you notice is that the foyer has been redone. The divider wall that used to separate the kitchen and living room has since been knocked down to give it a more ‘open’ layout.

The furniture is all generic. Not much thought was put into picking them out. The colors also don’t provide much contrast to the equally bland walls. It all blends in but not in a good way.

“Why is everything so white?” You remark.

“It supposedly gives the illusion of a bright and open space.” Namjoon sets your bags at the base of the staircase.

“Feels more like a hospital to me,” you reply dryly, to his amusement. He moves into the kitchen, helping himself to the contents of the cupboards.

You follow behind, wandering over to the counter, where there is a binder listing the ‘house rules.’

“No parties, no loud music,” you read random bullet points out loud. “Quiet time at 10PM. Interesting.”

His arms circle your waist from behind, and you feel him nuzzle into your neck, planting a soft kiss. “Can you stay quiet after 10PM?” He murmurs against your skin.

“Shut up,” you giggle and break out of his hold and playfully pinch him on his side. “Only if you keep your hands to yourself after 10PM,” you tease him back, making him burst into laughter.

What was wrong with the way things were before? The interior designer you hired found a great way to marry modern and vintage concepts!

You shake your head in mild irritation.

You find yourself standing in the midst of your old master bedroom. You see hints of the old furnishings layered with the new. It certainly wasn’t how you remembered it.

“Huh.” Namjoon says when he walks in. “Why didn’t we think of putting the bed against that side of the room before?”

You roll your eyes at him. “Because you get up to go to the bathroom more often than I do so that’s why we put it on the side that was closer to the en suite.”

His mouth drops slightly with a soft ‘ah,’ in sudden realization. “Well, I’ll have to admit, you were right. You should have ignored me and gone with your original plan.”

“I appreciate you acknowledging that, years later.” You roll your eyes and brush past him on your way out. “But as you know, marriage is about compromise,” you call past your shoulder.

“I’m ordering the pizza!” Your voice echoes down the staircase.

Namjoon spends a few more minutes in this room, allowing himself to reminisce before finding the strength to tear himself away and rejoin you in the kitchen.

******

You’re sitting at your old kitchen counter, eating pizza and sharing a bottle of wine that Namjoon ended up stealing from the owner’s kitchen. When you question him as to whether the alcohol was included in your AirBnB reservation, he shrugs and promises to replace it instead.

“So, are you seeing anyone?”

You stop mid-bite, taken aback by his question. “Wow, already?”

“What? I’m just making conversation.” He says casually as he takes a sip of wine. “And I’m nosy,” he snickers.

His expression turns sullen. He clears his throat before saying, “I thought you had a connection with Seojun. Things looked pretty serious.”

The reminder of your fatal mistake doesn’t sting as much as it did before. And he wasn’t as angry and bitter when he brings it up.

He used to always ask ‘why.’ Why did you do what you did? Why did you make those choices?

But it turns out that anything and everything can break you.

Seojun came along and it was as if something that had long been dormant ignited within you. You thought it would be a one-off, but it wasn’t. For months you thought Namjoon would suspect whether anything felt off. It wasn’t like you were trying to get caught but maybe some part of you wanted him to catch you. But that didn’t happen. Instead, he seemed happily blissful in his own world, seeing everything through rose-colored lenses.

You pick up your wine glass and tip the contents into your mouth, emptying it. When you set it back down on the counter, you look at him, staring at you.

“But you loved him, right?” He asks between mouthfuls of pizza.

“I don’t get it though. Why would you want to be alone?”

You scoff and straighten in your seat, feeling the urge to be defensive. “I don’t get why you’re suddenly concerned about my choice to be alone.”

Namjoon reaches for your hand and brushes his fingers over your knuckles in an attempt to console you.

“Turned out well, right?” You remark sarcastically, throwing your free hand up in defeat. “I failed. So, I conclude that I just don’t have it in me.”

“The marriage gene?”

“Uh-huh. I’m doomed!” You laugh darkly.

You were happily resigned to that fact. Namjoon was a beautiful anomaly. While your time may have been short-lived, it still added meaning to your generally doomed perspective on marriage and relationships.

His fingers curl around your hand to give it a reassuring squeeze. “For what it’s worth, I thought you were great at it.”

You smile wistfully and bring his hand up to your lips to kiss it. “Thank you. That’s kind of you to say.”

******

You were in the upstairs bathroom washing up when Namjoon excused himself to retrieve a couple of things from his jacket pocket downstairs when his phone starts buzzing.

“Hello?” He answers.

“Hey, how’s it going? I’ve been trying to reach you. How was your flight?” the female voice says on the other line.

He clears his throat and hides away in what used to be his office. “Uh, yeah. Sorry, sweetheart. You know how it is at my dad’s house. The reception’s shit.”

“Why are you whispering?” She asks.

“Dad just fell asleep. You know how he’s such a light sleeper.”

“Oh, yeah. You’re right. Do you think you’ll be able to finish up whatever you need to over there? I have some miles on my card and fly out tomorrow to come over and help?”

“No, that won’t be necessary,” Namjoon tells her calmly. “Dad and I are just about done packing up some of his old things here so, he’ll be ready to move into the facility. He’s really looking forward to it.”

“Is he? That’s great.”

“Okay. Just call me if your flight changes. I love you!”

He hears the floorboard creak and looks up from his seat to find you leaning against the door frame, dressed in nothing but a black lace teddy. Biting his lower lip, he says, “I love you, too.”

As soon as he hangs up, he tugs at your wrist and ravishes you.

******

“You think she’d ever suspect anything between us?” You wonder out loud while you both lay naked in your former marriage bed, basking in your post-sex high.

He shakes his head adamantly. “I think ‘you and me’ is the last thing on her mind.”

You laugh at how confident he made that sound.

“I’m serious!” He says firmly. “This is not even remotely on her list of possibilities! She knows what happened between us so this is highly unlikely for her.”

You sit up against the headboard and stare at him in disbelief. “You told her about us?”

He shrugs, not seeing the problem with it. “It was all part of my therapy and healing process so…yeah. I told her everything.”

“So, does she think I’m, like, the devil incarnate or something?” You try to mask the pang of guilt in your chest by making light of it.

Even though you’ve both said your pieces over the years and talked things over, traded apologies, and accepted them, it still felt inadequate.

“I’m sorry,” you say instinctively.

He sits up to mirror your posture and dips his head to kiss your bare shoulder. “You’ve said that already.”

“Yeah but–” He cuts you off mid-sentence with another kiss, his lips lingering over yours.

“No buts. We’re good, okay? I’m good.” He reassures you.

But you press him anyway. “Okay, I’m sorry to keep dropping the reality check here but what if she finds out?”

He’s still the same Namjoon you fell in love with, beneath this new cynical, detached exterior. He wasn’t always open about his emotions but in the rare cases that he would wear his heart on his sleeve, you saw and felt it.

Right now, he was baring his soul to you.

He stares at you for a minute before breaking into a chuckle. “What?”

“What?” You echo, your eyebrows furrowing.

“Say something!” He laughs.

“I mean, what do you want me to say?”

“I don’t know! Anything. Scold me or, I don’t know…tell me that this isn’t right. ‘Your wife doesn’t deserve this! You’re a terrible husband!’” He says jokingly.

“I am the last person to judge, okay? If it doesn’t keep you up at night…” you trail off.

He nods at that.

But then you cock your eyebrow at him, picking up on what he said moments ago. “So, ‘affairs?’ You mean, there’s more?”

“I had some fling a few months ago. It was meaningless,” he add quickly, as if that contributed to anything. “And there were a couple of one-night stands but I don’t think they count.”

“Mm…” you hum vaguely.

******

Namjoon cracks open another bottle of wine and brings it upstairs, where you both drink in bed and continue to trade stories.