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#wish i had better coping methods
neverendingford · 3 months
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#tag talk#I keep getting customers being like “wow do you perform professionally?” and shit like that about my whistling and like..#no how do I tell you that I'm doing this for my own enjoyment and I don't think I'm better than anybody else I just think you all are worse#like. yeah I'm good at whistling that doesn't make me special or cool it just means everyone else sucks ass at whistling#seriously though. I hear people whistling breathy airy off-tune inconsistent note quality and I just.. ughhhhh stop stop stop stop stop#idk I'm tired of being told I should sell my crafts I should sell my art I should perform professionally I should make myself a spectacle#I'm not a thing to look at I'm not an object to pay for my soul isn't a thing you can buy on Etsy my habits aren't a show to purchase entry#I'm glad people enjoy listening to me whistle. I enjoy listening to me whistle. yeah sure I'm good at it. I just. ughhhh#don't tell me like you're leaving a comment underneath my YouTube video. I'm not content for you to consume.#ughhhh I hate public spectacle and maybe being a side show for every church in my parents' mission network had consequences on me#you know it took me until I was seventeen to finally say no when I was told to take off my shirt to display my scars to someone?#fifteen years of being a freak show. a news update. a creature to be looked at. disrobed and examined. displayed.#and I'm fucking done with it. I'm no one's toy I'm no one's property I'm no one's news letter topic.#I'm my own fucking person and I wish I could actually accept that instead of struggling with it constantly.#idk. maybe I have problems besides “you scored highly on our depression questionnaire so let's teach you coping methods”#maybe next time I have a therapy appointment I'll search my tag talks through jetblackcode and take notes ahead of time#I mean. I am blogging. that's like journaling. maybe I should actually use that to my advantage. go back and use the resources I have.#anyway that being said I've been practicing whistling the orange blossom special (Buddy Greene version) and it's very hard#but I'm getting much better at it.#I really started getting into harder stuff when I started college and would wander the campus whistling homestuck music (thanks Toby Fox)#Rondo Alla Turca is a particular favorite of mine cause it's got some really fun quick sequences#anyway if any of y'all have good recommendations on good chapstick/lipbalm brands that'd be sick because I need to start buying more#and like. find a really good brand that'll last longer on my lips and then just buy a case of it or something.#because I go through lip balm pretty quickly because your lips dry out when you whistle a lot and also I live in the desert so it's dry af
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yanderecrazysie · 9 months
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Hello there, I just read that you do ouran high school host club yandere request. I just love that anime it reminds me of my childhood. And I love your work too especially the angsty cheater ones, they’re my favorites.
So actually going to the request: Yandere Tamaki x fiancé reader but Tamaki is neglectful of them and cheats on them with Haru (angst heaven). Basically Tamaki and Reader where engaged when they were children by their wealthy parents . Tamaki hated this and by extension he hated the reader too. Despite the reader trying to be to be the perfect fiancé and supports him from the sidelines, the reader even make sure that the mansion runs smoothly and even learned how to cook his favorite food and cater to his whims. Tamaki still being blinded by his distaste for the arrange marriage carelessly ignores all of reader’s hardwork and flirts with every woman in the host club. Then comes Haru and Tamaki just falls in love and in the back of his head, what better way to get back at his father than to marry a commoner. Reader finally having enough of Tamaki’s cheating and intentionally humiliating them in public, rebels against their parents and cancel the engagement. The reader just leaves Tamaki behind and goes into the countryside to live a peaceful life.. but surprised Tamaki goes full on delusional Yandere, he misses the reader’s devotion to him and wants to continue on with the marriage. When reader left Tamaki felt empty and he started to realize his mistake, He tracks reader down to beg for their forgiveness and so that they can get married as intended. Tamaki still think of you as his fiancé and he doesn’t realize that reader doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore.
Sorry for the long request, I just got excited when I found out that you write for Ouran High school host club. Thanks for reading!
My first OHSHC request!! Yay!! And it's okay, it’s always nice to have a good plot to work with!
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Title: Blind
Pairings: Tamaki Suoh x Reader
WARNINGS: Yandere themes
Summary: Tamaki’s behavior proves too much for his fiance.
Part 2: here
blind
/verb/
deprive (someone) of understanding, judgment, or perception:
Sometimes, you wished Tamaki would just open up his eyes and see you. You, and not the engagement your families had forced upon you both.
You could tell from day one that Tamaki hated the idea and, subsequently, hated you for representing the ball and chain that attached itself to his ankle. You couldn’t blame him for being angry that his future freedom had been taken away, but you wished he wouldn’t blame you for it.
You weren’t much happier than him at first, but you decided to make the best of it. Tamaki was handsome, you could even appreciate that when you both were children forced to play together. He also had a soft side that you rarely got to see under all the silly dramatics. If only you could unlock that part of him, surely you both could be happy!
Then the host club started.
It’s easy to smile and say that you aren’t bothered, but it’s another thing to actually not be bothered with your fiance flirting with girls all the time. You could never help the twisting of jealousy in your gut anytime you heard or saw anything to do with the host club.
You’d tried to visit before. Make the best of things. But he’d blacklisted you as a customer, said with a careless tone that maybe you’d prefer one of the other boys. That stung.
“Make the best of it” became a mantra in your head, a desperate goal and coping method all in one. Eventually, Tamaki would either come to love you or accept that his future was predetermined by a piece of paper with his father’s signature. 
Did you want a potentially loveless marriage? No, of course not. But that’s what happened to most people of your stature, so it wasn’t a surprise. If you could just make the best of your situation, you could be happy. Probably.
The changes in Tamaki really started when a new boy joined the club. You could tell right away that he was naturally a girl, but wouldn’t out him to the school if that’s what he chose as his path. You began to suspect that Tamaki knew this truth as well, because he always seemed so flustered around the boy.
Haruhi. You numbly repeated his name in your head. Even in the beginning, you knew, this relationship would be the downfall of your own.
Numbness overtook you as you caught the pair kissing and holding hands, looking happy and carefree, even outside of the club where there were no requirements for them to act like a cute couple or something.
They were trying to be secretive and, at first, you wondered how you were the only one catching them in the act. Then, it hit you like a speeding train.
Tamaki wanted you to see.
Your daily trips to the mansion were mostly in lonely silence. You cleaned the place like his maids probably should, made him his favorite meals, ran hot baths for him, and sometimes left him notes around the house to boost his self-esteem and cheer him up.
As time went on, it began to feel like empty actions. Duties without reward or even so much as acknowledgment. Things you did just because that tiny voice still cried “Make the best of everything!”
Well, you were getting sick of that voice. That hapless fool inside your head that didn’t seem to realize that things were speeding out of control. How could you make the best of anything, when he continually gave you nothing to work with.
You cried as you did those little things- what had once felt like happy little jobs became heavy chores that you couldn’t figure out why you continued. The tears blurred your eyes as you made each gift for Tamaki- gifts that would no doubt be cast aside and forgotten.
What was the point?
When Tamaki called a crowd together in the school’s entrance hall, standing atop one of the highest steps with his hands intertwined with Haruhi, you knew it was all over.
“Haruhi is actually a girl- and she and I have started dating!” His eyes seemed to dart to yours to gauge your reaction, but you didn’t dare show anything on your face. You were still a regal person, determined to not put your family’s name to shame.
“What? Is that true, Haruhi?” One of the girls in the crowd shrieked.
You didn’t need Haruhi’s answer nor the shy smile on her face to confirm the truth. You’d already known well before that this was the future you’d been helplessly barreling towards.
The crowd had mixed reactions. Some people were supportive and found the couple cute, others were jealous of Haruhi, and many people were confused on the whole matter. Those were the ones whose words shot like daggers into your heart.
“Doesn’t Tamaki have a fiance?”
“What will his father think?”
“Does that mean his engagement is canceled?”
Struggling not to break down, you pushed your way through the crowd, looking for an escape. The crowd was too thick and it was quickly too late.
You broke down crying, your large tears blinding you as little hiccups left your lips. Finally, the sea of people parted and you ran through it. You risked one look at Tamaki and were upset to see him looking concerned. How dare he be concerned when he was the one that hurt you?
You skipped your classes, opting instead to head straight home and confront your parents. The moment you were in front of them both, you broke down once more. They wanted to know who’d hurt you right away and, when your story of Tamaki was revealed, they vowed to rip the contract into little pieces.
They let you stay home the next few days. If you could, you’d stay home forever. How could you show your face after you’d been humiliated and cried like that in front of everyone?
You focused your thoughts and feelings into gardening. Today you cut the stems of flowers and placing them into your basket before bringing them up to the house. The chores you did were fit for the family’s gardener, but he was on vacation and you needed something to distract yourself with.
You heard your name called. Furrowing your brow, you raised your head and shielded your eyes against the sun. Was that…?
It was, a certain blonde boy was speeding towards you at the speed of light. Had he jumped the tall fence or broken the gate’s lock? Either method was concerning, to say the least.
You let out a feeble “hey!” when he kicked up some of the flowers in his path to you, but you were more afraid of what he had to say than of losing a couple of flowers.
Finally, he stopped in front of you and dropped to his knees. You stood, watching in shock as he kneeled in the dirt, in a motion that you’d expect a man begging the queen to spare his life.
“I’m so sorry, (Y/n). I- I was so stupid, so blind! I didn’t know how much I’d miss you when you were gone. Please come back, please! I’ll do anything!”
You stared at him in shock, “What about Haruhi?”
The man raised his head, his eyes glazed over as they met yours, “I took care of her.”
It wasn’t so much the words he said, as it was the chilling, lifeless tone in which he said it. You took a step back, nearly tripping over the small mound of dirt behind you.
“What did you do to her?” Your voice came out shaky and unsure. Tamaki would never hurt someone, would he? That thought was laughable, wasn’t it?
Tamaki grasped your ankles and began to cry, looking more pathetic than you could have ever imagined him. You never thought that Tamaki would ever beg on his knees to anyone, much less you.
“I’ll do anything.” Tamaki murmured. Somehow you knew.
He would definitely hurt someone, if they got in his way.
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an observation
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YOU KNOW WHAT 😭 Rollo’s even more neurotic than I initially thought he was, and now I’m realizing it may be a coping mechanism for his trauma… If you think about, there’s a clear pattern in his behaviors: they all amount to maintaining a strict and methodical routine:
Keeping things clean, to the point where he rises before sunlight every day and climbs up the stairs to clean and ring the Bell of Salvation. This must be something he has been doing for a LONG time, which is how he got those very noticeable dark circles under his eyes.
On the subject of keeping things clean, there is an instance of Rollo letting his facade slip and getting mad when a goat (an animal, which he considers unhygienic) comes close to him and tries chewing on his robes. This indicates (at least to me) that he can react negatively when his ideas of cleanliness are not adhered to. The outbursts are not always loud or violent; other instances of disgust are indicated by him holding his handkerchief over his nose.
Rollo specifically cites that he likes the Bell of Salvation and wishes that more things were like it. It rings when it should and it is silent when it should be, and “nothing is […] more appropriate and certain.”
Eats the exact same lunch 24/7, 365 days of the year (2 croissants, 16 grapes, and 1 cafe au lait). I presume he must have similar restricted menus for his other meals as well.
Rollo extols the virtues of a strict routine, which helps him abstain from “unnecessary desires” and recommends that others do the same.
Buys the same plain white paper and envelope set all the time, even when the vendor offers him a better deal.
Man absolutely LOSES IT when a goat tries to eat his stationary; this implies that he may have struggles coping with changes to what he is normally used to, or just general disruptions to his routine.
He seems bothered by the idea of abandoning a task he has set his mind to, even if the task annoys him (like tending to all the gargoyles).
Rollo is very strict in general about keeping to a schedule.
This one is more open to interpretation, but he chooses to communicate via letters instead of via social media or e-mail, even though he clearly lives in a time period where he could easily access electronics. This implies to me a fixation on the past and older ways of doing things rather than adapting to what’s new and modern (though Rollo also says this is a method to avoid careless wording).
He openly states he likes to keep things orderly and consistent.
Routines are familiar. Routines are safe. There is a comfort to be found in that sense of sameness. Maybe Rollo feels content retreating to order because it’s preferable to leaving himself vulnerable to chance, to the wiles of the world that may have no mercy on him just like it had no mercy for his brother… Something he couldn’t predict or plan for, something he was totally powerless to stop… 😭 But meanwhile, there’s a certainty in the ability to control his activities, a comfort to relying on the same events to play out every day…
Those are just some musings I had! 🤡 I’ve been stewing in the new Rollo content and obsessively reviewing it the last several hours, squeezing what juices I can from it…
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l-alrescha-l · 11 days
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Thank you Reita.
This is super late but I just felt like I had to write this and put it out there. So much has happened since you passed away. While I have grieved in my own time, grief never really goes away from personal experience.
Since then, I've been listening to the Gazette songs chronologically from the start. I can't do anything and I feel helpless, so that's my own way to honour you. It's been 10 years since I first found the band and I have now picked up the bass. Before I started playing the bass, I had this misconception or whatever you call it, that bassists always fade away in the background. It takes so much effort to hear you, but you're always silently supporting the band. Now when I listen to the GazettE songs, I desperately try to listen to your bass lines. Call it a newfound habit or a method of coping, it's as if I am searching for your presence. Now I realise, how enormous your presence and the sound of your bass is.
I have so much to say to you. You were the face of the band to me. Before I even knew what the GazettE was, I knew your face, your name, and that iconic nose band of yours. From all the interviews, backstage, and live stuff I saw, it always seemed like you enjoyed being in the band to the fullest. Your love for the band, for the members, and for the fans radiated through the screen.
未成年 is a song that is incredibly personal and meaningful to me, one that I have always fucking hoped to experience once live in my life. But now that you're gone, I realise I will never see you play that iconic bass solo live. I wish I had planned things out better. I wish with all my heart that you're still with us, that you're healthy and well and still living your dreams.
It pains me so much that you're gone. Feels like a hole in my heart, as cliché as that sounds, but grief works like a fire that burns and what has been burned can never be returned to what it was before. I can't imagine what your family feels, what the other band members feel. We all miss you terribly. Your legacy will fucking live on, we will all make sure of that. the GazettE will be forever. the GazettE is eternal.
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diaryujin · 6 months
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𝐓𝐀𝐊𝐄 𝐂𝐀𝐑𝐄
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summary: you’ve gone missing, and your best friend chan has no other method of communication other than sending you voice notes.
genre: angst
includes: university au, minho is a thirdwheel/another best friend of you both, overdosing, attempted suicide, coma-ish situation, chan is a S-I-M-P, mentions of you both being drunk, mentions of weightloss and getting paler, chan is a majoring in music here, NOT proofread, lmk if i missed anything else
pairing: non idol! uni student! chan x uni student! fem! reader
a/n: i did this low effort thing bc i haven’t had the energy for anything else pls don’t let it flop i made a comeback i’m out of my blackpink era (/j blinks don’t come after me) (should I make a sequel) song lyrics: lost by (g)i-dle (english translation)
word count: 1K including song lyrics
taglist: @kflixnet
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“Hey Y/N. You weren’t at university or your dorm today. Is everything okay? I know you’ve been stressing about…well, a lot, really-” sigh “yeah, so basically, I’m worried about you.” nervous laughter “Cause like, your roommate, Tzuyu told me you were in your room at night, but then you weren’t there when I came to pick you up. I hope you hear this. Take care.”
❝𝙄𝙛 𝙄 𝙝𝙞𝙙𝙚 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙞𝙣 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙞𝙣𝙚𝙙 𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙨❞
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“Y/N, it’s been three days. Everyone’s worried, especially me. I know you’ve talked about running away before, but…well, I didn’t think you were serious.” silence ”I hope you’re coming back soon, you know. Uni feels different and more empty without you. Take care.”
❝𝙒𝙞𝙡𝙡 𝙄 𝙗𝙚 𝙖𝙗𝙡𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙜𝙚𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪?❞
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“A week. I’ve been a bit busy, but I haven’t forgotten you at all. Where are you? I think the police are still searching. They better be, you’re too precious to me to lose.” deep breath “Come back, Y/N. Come back. Everyone’s asking me where you are, and I don’t know and they keep reminding me that you’re gone and everything is haunting me and-” sigh “I’m rambling again. Take care.”
❝𝘿𝙤 𝙮𝙤𝙪 𝙧𝙚𝙢𝙚𝙢𝙗𝙚𝙧 𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙄 𝙙𝙤?❞
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“Two weeks. You haven’t even seen my messages, let alone these voice notes, but they’re still delivered. Please, Y/N, this isn’t funny anymore- ignore the voice crack. No, I’m not crying. Like- I do care- um- about you…but I’m not crying. I miss you the most. I don’t have a study buddy now ever since you well…disappeared. Kinda falling behind on classes, but it’s fine. I’ll catch up.” weak giggle “Take care.”
❝𝙏𝙝𝙚 𝙘𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩𝙡𝙚𝙨𝙨 𝙬𝙖𝙧𝙢 𝙣𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙨 𝙥𝙖𝙨𝙨 𝙗𝙮❞
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“One month. Since you’re never going to hear these voice recordings, I might as well just say gibberish or odd confessions, hm?” weak laugh “They’ve given up. Your parents, the police…everyone, really. But I haven’t. I know you’re there – somewhere. I’ve been producing more songs to cope. You know how much I love doing that, I mean- it’s why I chose music as my major. Take care.”
❝𝙔𝙤𝙪 𝙡𝙚𝙛𝙩, 𝙖𝙣𝙙, 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙡𝙞𝙯𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙞𝙩❞
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“Two months. You know, today I passed by a wishing well. I threw a coin, and guess what I wished for? I wished you back, Y/N. Come back, please. I’m not requesting you at this point, I’m begging. Everything’s become worse without you, or at least that’s what Minho says. He’s a bit wild, so I’m not believing him. Where are you, mm? I’ll come there, and I’ll meet you – even rescue you if necessary!” faint hmph “I miss you. I miss you loads. Take care.”
❝𝙄 𝙬𝙖𝙨 𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙤𝙣 𝙦𝙪𝙞𝙩𝙚 𝙬𝙚𝙡𝙡 𝙖𝙩 𝙨𝙤𝙢𝙚 𝙥𝙤𝙞𝙣𝙩❞
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“Five months. Since you don’t seem to have heard any of these, I guess I can really just say shit, huh? Well then, I love you. Like- you know- romantically.” nervous laugh “Yeah, cliche. Dumb move. Fuck, fuck, shouldn’t have done that- but it’s out and true- I guess. Ever since last year when we…ah, leave it. Take care.”
❝𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪❞
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“Eight months. I love you. I love you. I love you, Y/N. Please, I need you back. Everything’s so dark without you. You know that you’re my driving force, right? Right? I need you here desperately.” sniffle “Y/N. Y/N. Please. I don’t- I don’t know how I can do this anymore.” whimper “I can’t- can’t lose you. Take care.”
❝𝙒𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪❞
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“Ten months. Everything hurts. I don’t have the motivation to wake up in the morning, Y/N. Minho says that I’ve become thinner and paler. Other people are saying watered down versions of that. It all reminds me of you. I’m so tired, I don’t know why they suddenly care. Eh, whatever.” dull groan “Shit, I’m ranting again. Ignore it. Take care.”
❝𝙒𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣'𝙩 𝙗𝙚 𝙩𝙤𝙜𝙚𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙛𝙤𝙧𝙚❞
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shaky breath “ Y/N, Y/N, please at least see my messages.” pained whimper “I can’t. I can’t. I need- need you. Badly. Fuck- I can’t bre-breathe.” rattling of pills in a bottle “I don’t want to live anymore. There’s no po-point.” quiet sob “You-You are my muse fo-for whatever I man…manage to…get out of my studio. I love you, I’ve loved you ever-ever since the day we drun-drunk made out.” sad giggle “Yeah, sounds cra-crazy, no?” swallowing sound, gulp “You’re coming back, right? Promise? You are, you are. I’m sure of it.” cursing under breath “Fuck, Minho’s here. Take care.”
❝𝙄 𝙙𝙤𝙣’𝙩 𝙬𝙖𝙣𝙣𝙖 𝙩𝙝𝙞𝙣𝙠 𝙖𝙗𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪❞
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“Can’t move on from you. I love you too much. I love you, Y/N, and I wish I had the guts to have said it to your face when you were with me. Will you miss me? Maybe you won’t. It’s been a year after all. You’ve probably forgotten about me, about what we had, and frankly speaking? I don’t blame you.” silence “You’re still alive there though, I’m sure of it. Eat well, sleep soundly, drink water, do whatever makes you happy, even if others discourage you, and even if it’s the police, and remember to love yourself as much as I do. I love you from the sun to Pluto and back, note that.” dry laugh “I’ll always have you engraved in my memory. You’ll forever be my first and last thought. Take care.”
❝𝙒𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙮𝙤𝙪❞
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“Hi Y/N. It’s me, Minho. I know I didn’t talk to you as much as Chan did-” annoyed sigh “I mean, he’s your bestie westie pookie wookie and all that shit, but like- I miss you too. There’s rumors about you being spotted around and you know that I don’t believe in a lot of gossip that goes throught the university grapevine – although I do love listening to it –” slight chuckle “I really want this rumor to be proven true. Make it happen, perform a miracle or something. You always disproved me in arguments, do it again.” silence “Chan, he…he’s in the hospital.” slightly muffled sob “I caught him overdosing on pills, which is what he was doing when he…when he sent you the tenth voice note. A month after that, he tried to kill himself, hence the eleventh one. That was like- three days ago. He’s still…still unconscious, but he’ll wake up soon, I hope. Come back Y/N. We all miss you, and Chan needs you. In his words, take care.”
❝𝙀𝙫𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙄 𝙡𝙤𝙤𝙠 𝙗𝙖𝙘𝙠, 𝙮𝙤𝙪’𝙧𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙩 𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙚❞
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faces-ofvenus · 2 years
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hello love, I already wrote to you on the application and now I have another one, only I'm afraid to seem intrusive, but I would like to see the Damon/eymond/luceris and yegon reaction to pregnancy? If you can, I would be glad to read it, I love how you write and wish you inspiration 🤭❤️
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I'll tell you, being pregnant with Aemond's child would be a bit suffocating to say the least, that's only because he would be overprotective in the extreme, you both grew up in this relationship, and honestly arranged or not you had a deep feeling for each other, so much so that when you heard the news that you would be parents it was unimaginable happiness but also uncontrollable fear.
Besides the extreme care you would be subjected to, usually you already had a royal guard at your feet every day, but all this would double if not triple, Aemond suffers at the thought of a life without you or your son, you are in his view the only ones who could love him completely, He knows that he is not the most loved person in Westeros, and he knows that he has enemies left and right, so using his son and wife as revenge would be a very effective method of making him suffer indeed.
Aemond is a rather thoughtful man if we may say, he thinks, thinks, and thinks and usually none of his thoughts are good, such as losing you, what kind of father he would be, and whether his son would have a dragon or be like... He, it almost drove him crazy but you are always there to calm his thoughts, you let his head in your belly, and just ask him to appreciate the now, and the moment you two are experiencing, you are carrying a child, your child, hugging your belly Aemond maybe doesn't cry, but he feels a mix of so many feelings, such good feelings.
He already treated you very well, now the treatment is a thousand times better, you don't have to ask, or think much, he will give you everything, even if you didn't even think you wanted it, he will fulfill all your wishes, even if to do so you have to leave flying with Vhagar at 4 in the morning, it doesn't matter, what matters is you and your baby, he doesn't care about having to keep awake all the nannies, midwives or anyone else who is in charge of your care, because if you don't sleep, he doesn't sleep and neither do they.
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Okay, Aegon is the one that would deal worse with children, or with news of his pregnancy unlike Aemond, they were both scared, but Aegon would be the worst at dealing with it, he doesn't feel ready for it, actually I don't think Aegon would ever feel ready for it, he was always told that it was his duty, but he was never really taught how to raise a child, not that he paid much attention, the oldest prince told you that openly, he felt that he could talk about this insecurity that for so long he kept inside, he would say that he didn't feel he would be a good father, the insecurities, the feelings of abandonment as if all his life he was nothing more than a second option, Aegon didn't feel much love from his father, it was strange, he felt a shadow of his sister, even though he was the male child, and for his mother he didn't even know, he didn't even know if Alicent at some point wanted to have him as a son.
This conversation was sure to happen when he was drunk, it had been so long since you had seen him so drunk, since your marriage and since you had established a real relationship, but the relapse of knowing that you and he were about to have a child life, made your body and your stomach turn around, he felt so confused, when he walked into your shared room drunk, you didn't know exactly what to do, in other situations you would yell at him, for appearing drunk to the point that he couldn't stand up, but seeing how hard it was being for him to cope... Aegon didn't want to get too close to you, knowing your smell and honestly not wanting to bother you, you knew that, mainly because when it's just you two your bodies would never be apart, and he would be taking your hand gently, while telling you all your worries, you lay him down on the bed and gave him a kiss on his forehead, Aegon wanted to deny it all, but still he didn't protest, feeling your big belly resting on his body, it was. .. Good.
From then on Aegon still kept a certain distance from you, but even so he showed that he was worried about you, like when he didn't take his eyes off you even from a distance, or when you realized that there was always a person near you to fulfill your wishes at his command, and at night he would sleep near you and your belly, hugging your baby and you protective mind once you stopped him before sleeping, and told him that honestly he would be a great father, not like Viserys, that he would be more, and that you would never treat your son like anyone's shadow, because he was the result of your love, he didn't say anything but you knew how much he was listening to you, and how much he really might have slept with the idea of having a family with you, a complete family.
Aegon would care for you even more, still keeping his distance, but honestly he still wasn't one to touch your belly much beyond sleep or when the two of you lay down, he didn't know how to do that, only when you gave him the initiative, but he would want his baby to know that he was there, and first, and he would love the possibility of it being a girl.
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Daemon must admit that he is not very attracted to the idea, being a father. He always wanted to imagine it would be the two of you, no kids or anything like that, just you guys at least so honestly you were on the back foot about telling him or not, you also never saw yourself clearly in the role of a mother, but your heart warmed to know that the child was Daemon's, it obviously didn't take long for him to find out, and you didn't try to hide it even if you didn't say the first word about it.
You had long talks and were frank with each other, he didn't want things to change, you knew it was also quite scary, you got so used to your life, it was hard to think of another one, but you wanted the baby, and Daemon wanted you, he didn't try to get too close to your belly, even though he was very protective, you weren't the clingy couple but you always appreciated and longed for each other's company, so Daemon trusted him more with your protection than anyone else, and even if he said he could take care of himself he only trusted him for that process, but little by little you started to make him feel more secure to leave, as you said the child didn't come to suffocate you.
And for a while it was like that, Daemon would kiss you and give you affection as he always did, but he avoided your belly with a worrying fear or trepidation, you once got a little tired of this, as you sat down on his side you just snuggled into his arms, but directed your hands to his belly, Daemon didn't have much reaction even though his son was moving, his heart beat a little strong, he certainly wasn't used to that feeling, so for the night you would stay awake as you normally did before the pregnancy, your hand never leaving your belly and yours never leaving his.
He would bring your son into your conversations more often, subtly, you would smile whenever he did this without thinking, your nights awake would return as normal, where your hand would not leave your belly, Daemon would just... You were really feeling it, regardless if at first you didn't want or think about children, maybe it wasn't so bad, maybe it is, but he wouldn't do it alone, least of all you.
He trains Caraxes to protect you above everything and everyone, you are not a person of very strange desires for which he is grateful because he does judge your strange foods, but he always has someone on your side, he is not a man to wake up at night, even if he is not even a man to sleep, I say that he loves your pregnant sex, it is exciting if I may say so, to see you pregnant with his child, it seemed that it would not be so good, but he was well cheating, and you seemed to want him even more, he liked that.
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I say that you and Lucerys were already planning to have children, so the news was very well accepted, maybe the best among all the boys, his heart beat stronger just with the thoughts of your son, of you, a family with him, this took all his daily thoughts, he would like to stay with you, not exactly for protection, but just to convince himself for all the time that this son was yours, he didn't know with what shade or characteristics his son would have, he cursed himself for having these thoughts, but honestly it doesn't stop loving him more, with your appearance or his, it was his son and it didn't matter.
He was the one who helped you the most in terms of food or even massages, he wants to make you feel good, and you never liked to bother the poor maids, it was funny to see him doing little massages on your feet, so attentive, so focused, you would kiss him and say you were simply the luckiest woman in the world, which he would laugh because it is totally the opposite, you run away from your quarters to the castle kitchen, almost having a heart attack when one of the guards thought you were thieves, but it's just the prince and princess "stealing" food, even with the embarrassment you continue until you are 100% satisfied, he would taste all your gororobas, and praise them all, but in his mind he just wants to spit them out.
Lucerys feels so insecure about what kind of father he would be, he doesn't know how to be one, what would make a good father, he hasn't had the best father in the world, even though he loves his father deeply, but you would reassure him, that he would be a good father figure over his son, that he is simply the sweetest and kindest man in the world, and he is so grateful that you are taking this step with him, he usually gives you several kisses on your belly, and he is one of the ones who talks the most with your baby, sometimes you feel that it is just a piece of meat between these two people who already seem to love each other so much.
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canisalbus · 6 months
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So sorry you had a rough time getting labs drawn :( I have to get labs and ivs multiple times a month (I'm all good, it's just to monitor my med levels!), but one of my needle-coping methods may help with the stress (the pain is always there to some level though).
When the nurse is lining up the needle, I turn my head away, gently close my eyes (tightly closing them makes my body tense, so I try to stay "" "angelic" ""), take a deep almost meditative inhale thru the nose, and exhale through the mouth as the needle is inserted and oriented.
It doesn't remove the sting of the needle, but it keeps me from building up the anxiety even further. It takes some practice, but the closed eyes and deep breath at least somewhat centers my mind away. Drinking a lot of fluids before lab draws also makes the process a bit easier as your veins are fuller and easier to find. You could also try the other arm (my right has very visible veins, but no lab has managed to get a draw from them so I always offer my left instead)
Getting jabbed in the nerve must have been awful :( I wish you a better experience next time. ❤️
That sounds like good and practical advice, thank you! I'll try to keep it in mind next time.
Really I'm just extremely bitter and disappointed that drawing blood is becoming this scary thing now, after I've spent most of my life relatively unbothered by needles.
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celis22 · 1 year
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Sketches of a silly AU that I came up with while drawing wally (a drawing that I haven't finished yet *cries*)
I call it *drum roll* stitches au! Based on wally's appearance and how I basically put together a bunch of random stuff xd
Basically in this au wally and his friends are saved(? (Como se escribe guardado en inglés?) after the show is cancelled, with the difference that home never let wally be taken so for a long time he was the only one conscious. Some time later the puppets and other things from the program are auctioned off (like coraline's things) and bought by a collector. Now, I didn't really know how the real world and the world where the puppets are alive would work so I think it's a bit like the lego movie (for better visualization) after they are bought they are placed somewhere (let's ignore the plot holes, thank you) and now the whole neighborhood is "awake" again.
Wally being locked up and isolated generated some unhealthy coping methods and his appearance and behavior are not what his neighbors remember. for them, they just went to sleep and the next morning their little friend had completely changed. His once quiet, reserved, and well-groomed friend was now nearly nonverbal, starved for touch, and perhaps a little unhinged.
Extra facts (I'm really bad at explaining things, sorry):
• one of wally's eyes is lower than the other, this is intentional and comes from wear and tear over the years (and from that video where the wally puppet accidentally pulls out one of his eyes)
• Wally's clothes refer to each one of the neighbors (you will see it better once I finish the drawings that I still have in progress)
• wally has modified himself several times (that's why his feet and hands resemble barnaby, apart from the tail) but since he's not the best at sewing his limbs tend to fall off, especially his hand since he tends to pull the seams when hi is nervous or anxious (and yes, this is a reference to frankie from monster high)
• wally could be considered an unreliable storyteller, a lot of silly or dangerous stuff he does is born out of the thought "i'm a puppet, i'm not real so nothing can kill me" but to his friends it would be something like "oh god our friend has a death wish "
That's all for now, i will drawing other things for the au though I don't promise it'll be soon, my life is a mess right now so I need some time, that doesn't mean I won't post anymore, I'm just going to take a while.
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littlesparklight · 4 months
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Some headcanon thoughts on the Trojan royal family in Priam's era:
-All those kids? Definitely a trauma response/coping method from Priam. Sure, his whole family didn't get wiped out (he's got three brothers right beside him in the Iliad lol and they have sons themselves!) but that doesn't mean the near obsessive need for as many children as possible still isn't one.
-Since they married up until death, Hecuba hasn't just been his official queen and primary wife, but Priam's most loved one. (Consequently, he probably has basically no actual relationship to his secondary wives and concubines, who mostly can live their lives in their own miniature families with what children they might have. Hecuba probably has more of a relationship to all those additional women than her husband does!)
-He divorced Arisbe, daughter of Merops, because she was not going to accept being bumped down to a secondary status just because he had fallen in love with and found a "better" match in a Phrygian princess. So he finds her another marriage where she'll remain the sole/most important wife.
-While it's seriously unlikely Priam and Hecuba would be capable of being full time parents to +19 children, especially in any equal sort of fashion, I do think their children are the ones who actually got to know especially Priam as a father the most. They're both good to fair hands at being actual Parents, actually, but the favouritism is probably pretty obvious (good thing all the children undoubtedly have nurses, too).
-Talking of favouritism, Priam's sons by Hecuba (plus potentially another wife or two if we follow Hittite royal marriages where there can be secondary wives that can also have children eligible for the throne, but the concubines' are not) are probably the only ones eligible for the throne. It doesn't, however, mean you have to be child of Hecuba's to be shown favour or even become a favourite. Mestor is named in the Iliad as one of Priam's (dead) favourites, and we don't know who the mother is. She would not necessarily be Hecuba. Which means all the kids are aware that they all have an equal shot in gaining their father's attention, on some level.
-All the +50 (80? 100??) children probably form sibling/relationship constellations mostly contingent on how many siblings they have with their own mother, but not necessarily. Everyone, no matter the mother, probably has at least one half-sibling they're close with that might be a complete mystery to everyone else. Hence; Hektor being close to not just, say, Deiphobos and Paris but Kebriones and Mestor, and Paris being close to Lykaon.
-Deiphobos and Paris' relationship was shot from the start. Extremely obviously so if you go with the funeral games + murder attempt version! But I figure even in a more low-key reunion, they got off on the wrong foot to start with, Deiphobos not liking this RANDOM boy suddenly shoehorning himself into not just the family at large (could probably be acceptable), but as his full brother - and, more than that, taking some (as he saw it) of Hektor's attention away from him.
-Priam is, generally, a very accepting father. He can afford to be, having so many children; what does it matter if not all of them then live up to his personal expectations or social such? Grief, however, brings out all the edges; that is when he gets mean and any acceptance basically revoked, if only temporarily. If his anger has been stirred, it's somewhat similar, but not quite as sharply (especially not before the war, and especially especially not before Hektor's death).
-Hecuba spends the years between the birth to reunion low-key grieving Paris' "death". And so his survival is latched on all the more firmly. If one goes with the funeral games + murder attempt, where at least one version as we know it (one of the Alexander plays) has her wishing death on the slave/peasant who's upstaged her sons, she'd be even more guilty and relieved afterwards. Priam is less "obviously" affected, but his indulgence of his returned son afterwards is certainly testament enough to how he felt about having the infant exposed.
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Ajax - Not you
Warnings: High Ajax, Y/n starting arguments for why?, drugs, angst, fluff, DONT DO DRUGS KIDS
It was 1 am and a soft knock at the door awoke Ajax from his 'state'. He groaned in annoyance, hoping his roommate Xavier would open the door. 
Since Rowan got expelled, Xavier started to share his dorm with Ajax and right now he wished he never moved in because the first knock was practically silent and it profoundly got louder each minute.
"XaViEr.." Ajax cracked his voice out and turned his head towards his roommates bed, only to not find him there. 
Ajax facepalmed mentally and got up from the desk he was trying to sleep on for some reason and dragged his feet towards the door. "Who is it?" he asked in annoyance.
"Baby? can i come in please? We have the nightshades meeting tonight remember?" A soft voice called out.
Ajax's droopy eyes half lit up and he opened the door and pulled the knocker into hug.
"Its my N/nnnnnnn...." He said baby like. 
Y/n shut the door with her foot and broke the hug to look at her boyfriend properly.
"Jax, why are your eyes droopy and red?" she asked with a bit of worry and grabbed his face to inspect it a bit better. "Are you sick? why does it smell weird in here too?" she looked around the room and there it was.
4 joints (in the UK we call them zoots if you were wondering :D) on the desk Ajax was trying to sleep on. Y/n shook her head and placed her index finger and thumb on the bridge of her nose.
It wasn't the first time Y/n caught him like this. Normally, he would be asleep and she would find them in the bin or peaking out of his pillowcase. 
She never really saw him high and to be honest, she never wanted to ask.
Ajax followed Y/n's previous gaze and opened his mouth.
"Cara mia, i can explain about those but i can't find the right words" Y/n put one hand behind his neck and sighed in defeat.
"You know what? you don't have to explain anything." She let go of her boyfriend and walked towards the desk. 
Ajax scratched the top of his hat in confusion. "Ill get high with you." she shrugged and picked up on of the joints.
Ajax widened his eyes in fear, he didn't look like he took drugs anymore. Instead, he walked up towards his girlfriend without tripping or stumbling like he would normally do.
He took the blunt from her hand and placed it down. Before Y/n could say anything, Ajax put a hand in front of her mouth.
"Not you my darling. Y-you can't take it."
"What why?"
"Just not you okay? Anyone but you. How about you go to the nightshades meeting without me and tell the others ill be there tomorrow. Please."
Ajax let go of Y/n and encouraged her to leave the dorm by extending his arm like a gentleman to lead her out but Y/n, like the stubborn independent woman she is, didn't let go of her boyfriend.
"Babe, this isn't the first time knowing you take drugs. I've seen you like ten times and i've never asked or stopped you. So, why are you stopping me?" she snapped. Ajax sighed in annoyance and put both of his hands on the side of her face.
"You listen to me Y/n M/n L/n. I take this crap when i have shitty days and i don't wanna talk about it. This is my way of coping and if you do it too, it will just ruin you and i don't want you to end up like some stoner idiotic loser like me." 
So many questions were running through Y/n's head, she pushed away his hands away from her face.
"When you have shitty days? really?. I thought we talked about everything together! I thought when you had shitty days, you would sneak into my dorm and cuddle me! but no, you just do that for the sake of it don't you? the real coping method for you is smoking this shit!?" 
Y/n wanted to cry, but she stood her ground and Ajax grumbled.
"That's not what i meant N/n... I love cuddling with you. It's like im on cloud 9 whenever im with you. It's just, i can't worry you all the time you know? just throwing pressure onto you, only for it to get better the next day. It's not fair on you baby. I need to be the one there for you but i do such a shitty job."
Suddenly, all of the rage had vanished. Somehow the floor managed to suck out the venom in her veins and he gazed softened
"Ajax...i didn't know. Baby, im so sorry!" The H/c haired girl clung onto her boyfriend and he hugged her right back. "And your not a bad boyfriend or a loser! You're literally everything i asked for! even more! Your existence, your presence. That's what keeps me going."
Ajax smiled into her hair and kissed her forehead lovingly.
"But obviously, if doing this helps you cope, then i understand. I just care about your health you know?"
Ajax shook his head reluctantly.
"No baby.. you're right" 
He broke the hug and held both of his girlfriends soft hands in his big rough ones. "I promise, from now on ill stop. I love you" He smiled and tilted her chin up for her to meet his gaze.
Y/n smiled and kissed her boyfriend. Lingering her lips on his longer than usual and Ajax couldn't get enough of her .
"I love you more baby." 
The couple then walked towards Ajax's bed and cuddled. They both held onto each other like there was no tomorrow.
Few hours later, Xavier walked in and inspected his best friends bed to find Ajax's head laying on Y/n's chest and Y/n's head was on top of his.
"They deserve each other." Xavier smiled to himself to find that his friends eventually found each other and despite some differences, they made it work.
Xavier pulled his phone out of his pocket and took a picture of the two sleeping so he could tease them about it tomorrow.
"Damn, i need a girlfriend too." He mentally noted.  
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lastwave · 8 months
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Hello, if you have the energy, time and will, would you expand on the recent post you made on how people in fandom talk about the skills and how harry feels about them? Like, what kind of things people say are hurtful/inaccurate/uncomfortable, in relation to disco elysium?
I do not mean to pressure you to educate me on this topic, as it is not the responsibility of the affected to educate unknowing people just because they are affected, of course. I just have not found many sources discussing the microaggression regarding the way some people talk about the skillset in disco elysium and the way that they might differ from the general microsaggression about psychosis and systems.
I ask this because I am curious about the way other people experience the world (though I know I will not always get my curiosity sated and this might be a selfish reason) and I want to know what not to do or say in talks about the skillset or in depictions of the skillset in art or writing. I want to be able to discuss and use the skillset as a game mechanic, narrative device and characters in a way that minimizes harm to marginalized groups. I also know that venting or talking about frustrations can sometimes help make one feel better, (but I also know that that depends on the person, problem and the relationship between the venter and the person listening) so maybe this can help relieve some feelings? Those are my intentions with this ask.
I apologize if my careful wording is too overly careful or if this question in other ways causes you unnecessary strife. I just try to be a careful person when it comes to these topics. If you'd rather only respond to me personally instead of the ask, feel free to message me. Whatever way you wanna handle this, if it be publicly as a post, a private message or if you do not feel like you want to answer at all.
Whatever you choose, I wish you the best day that you can have today. Kind regards, Chromatophorium
hiii thank u for asking!
im gonna preface the system bit with whether or not harry & his skills are a system is never explicitly stated, so take this all with a grain of salt
the rest is under the readmore so i don't clog up peoples dashboards
so what gets me is a lot of works imply the skills are less as people than Harry. i understand where the assumption comes from tho, because a lot of media likes to purport the idea of an "original" alter, which isn't how the disorder works. harry is the current host, and he identifies with the body, but the host isn't any more or less person than the other alters.
& we know the skills have independent thought from harry and their own, even if some (or a lot) of them share similar goals (see electrochemistry and volition, two very different personalities w/ different thoughts on how to go about things, but share a goal of keeping the system experiencing joy, though echem has considerably worse coping mechanisms). hell, they even have different political affiliations (see different routes) and a method of coming to a consensus on information (thought cabinet.)
and, as implied in the name, the skills have different talents from harry. *harry's* talent is connecting with people. i interpret the red checks with other skills as trying to let another alter front. i know ive had moments where i've had to let a way more socially adept alter take over. this would be a slightly different conversation if he was implied to be polyfragmented, but hes not soo.
that's why im less inclined to believe theyre a delusion or supernatural thing (shivers excluded, shes definitely supernatural), bc on the most part the skills just act like people, and all display signs of did/osdd (amnesia, distinct personalities, dissociation, etc.) if u want i can make a separate post going into individual skills and how i think they fit how certain alters form, but thats off topic
ANYWAY. it irks me when people boil the skills down to "this is the one that wants good things and this is the one that wants silly things and this is the one that wants bad things" bc it really falls easily into the negative stereotypes applied to systems & by extension psychotic people
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carefulfears · 8 months
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i know we’re all gonna be really surprised at my “favorite character” answer for txf30 and i’m proud to have contributed a truly obscene amount of mulder apologia this year, but when i was going through tweets yesterday, i found this one
(this got vulnerable and i turned reblogs back on for now but y'all please be conscious xxx)
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that's from my first week watching the show, and it's the first thing that i really connected to. it's hard to move through the world having seen the worst of it. i think you reach this point after trauma where like...you've already had to process so much of it and kind of piece a life back together, in a way, and you're just left with the damage done to your worldview. the way you see yourself, the way you see other people. and that's permanent and hard in a way that's really isolating.
and mulder knows how difficult it is, because he tries not to do it. he tries to find better. he's smart and he's aware and he was "the best" and "scary" at catching serial killers, getting in the minds of "monsters"; he knows so intimately and so completely what people are capable of. luther lee boggs "kills because he likes it," mulder is "the only one who truly understands what he is."
he just wants more, he wants more for people. he wants to believe that the world is good, that people are good, that there's some other explanation. he thinks people deserve more, and that they do want to take care of each other, all to the contrary.
when i watched sein und zeit/closure, i remember seeing this post:
the whole arc of the show was always supposed to be that Mulder would overcome his obsession with conspiracy and face the humanness of his grief, accept it, and still find hope in what was left. It was never about grand espionage, it was about living with inescapable trauma, being stuck in the worst night of your life, keeping others stuck in there with you.
and i literally just fell out crying and sobbed all night. because it is hard, but you have to make something out of the cards you were dealt. and after seven seasons of relentless hope and wishful thinking, mulder was always going to have to come to terms with grief, with loss, with trauma. it couldn't go on forever. and that's what closure, as an episode, is all about: there is no closure, but there's support, there's grace.
there are a lot of things i really love about mulder, he is a sci-fi hero whose only personality traits are crying and believing women. he wears goofy ties and talks about aliens in public. he's the best. and there are a lot of things i love about this show, a lot of convoluted reasons that i'm grateful to have watched it. but it's when i think about that night 6 months ago, literally weeping on a bathroom floor, that i feel the most moved, and connected to the things that i avoid. in a way, a lot of us create methods and worlds to escape our realities. it may not be alien abduction, but it may be professionalism, or humor, or caretaking, or academia. a lot of us are stuck in our worst nights, and have curated an image outside of it. but what struck me about mulder in the beginning, and how he grew from it by the end, is that for as much as the series was structured around his coping methods, he was always meant to lose them. and "maybe there's hope," still.
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thisgirlnamedblusy · 11 months
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Hello, favorite writer. There is no rush for you to write it, take your time. Could you write about laurel and reader that reader is her co-worker at never again but as laurel and reader are falling in love but laurel refuses to accept it at all costs why are you young, outcast and etc. One day the reader dares to confess to laurel that he has feelings for her and laurel as a method of defense, makes fun of her and rejects her. And he says they'll just be friends.
After that rejection, you are totally destroyed and Tyler who was nearby (after transforming from his Hyde state) sees you and as he is your friend he comforts you. you spend time with him , you help him with Wednesday, it helps you cope with the rejection of laurel and it improves your mood a lot. And Laurel notices, she thinks you have a thing for Tyler (which you don't) and she gets pretty mad. He orders him to never come near you again, after doing a lot of damage to him. The next day the reader visits Tyler like every day, he acts strange and very cold. Don't give up reader And he asks her what she has, he doesn't answer and tells her that he doesn't want to know anything about her. Reader goes back to nevermore after that, and sees Marylin (laurel), breaks down, and is comforted by laurel. Reader tells her that her best friend (Tyler) doesn't listen to her anymore and doesn't understand what she's going through. Laurel he gets confused because he thought reader had a relationship with Tyler and confesses to reader that he was jealous or afraid of losing her Reader tells her that he will never lose her. Lots of fluff at the end.
That's all, the request is very long, an apology for that.
Yesss, here it is!!!! I hope you like it, and sorry about the language mistakes, cuídate mucho ;)
He's just my friend
Pairing: Marilyn Thornhill/ Laurel Gates  x Fem, Teacher! Reader
Warnings: Angst, fluff
Word count: 2,842
Summary: You confessed your love for her, and she rejected you. Now you have to talk to your friend, Tyler, he always understands you…
 N/A: Requests are open!!! Sorry about the delays, I’m working hard on your requests. I love you all!!!
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“Have you seen that? Every time the CGI is worse...” You commented, while you were watching the movie.
Marilyn nodded in amusement.
She had been your co-worker for less than a year, when the principal called you to take the position of literature teacher. Nevermore was a strange place, but it was still a good place, and there were some not so strange things.
Marilyn Thornhill taught botany. That was not the strangest thing. She was normie. Something exceptional in that place. The town normies always pretended the school didn't exist. Larissa Weems, the principal, didn't seem to care too much.
You were used to normies. You had spent your whole life surrounded by them and you never had any problems. However, strange as it seemed, she did seem to have them. She didn't have many friends at school. You didn't know why. She was kind, nice, smart. She certainly was the only one of the staff with whom you could have a real conversation.
Her normie condition plunged her into an existential void. You weren't like them, you didn't care and little by little you started a friendship. You would be fooling yourself if you thought it was just that, a friendship.
You were not a girl who only paid attention to appearances, but that woman caught your attention from the first moment. You never had much success with normie girls, but there was something different with her, something that gave you some hope.
Maybe it was just that you listened to her, that you spent time with her. Perhaps you mistook smiles and subtle caresses for gratitude. You wished she wasn't like that. The tension between you was evident even though you didn't think it was reciprocated.
That night, like every night, you were watching a movie in your room. It was the best time of day.
“I think that with some threads and some models it would have been better,” she told you, amused. You nodded and laughed together.
You were close, closer than usual, and as you reached for your drink, you felt how your legs brushed against each other. Before you could enjoy that moment, a brief vibration sounded.
“Hey, phones turned off,” you joked, when the redhead took the phone from her pocket. She winked at you and looked at the screen, instantly re-blocking.
“Advertising,” she said sighing. You believed her, although spam messages at that hour wasn't a very good excuse.
With the movement, she sat closer to you and rested her head on your shoulder, yawning.
You were having a hard time paying attention to the movie, especially when her hand gently caressed yours. You swallowed and a gust of bravery ran through your body. You didn't know if it was the best time, or the best place, but you should start talking about serious things, things that really worried you.
“Marilyn…” You whispered, instantly regretting it. She looked at you from your shoulder. She was very close, too close. “I… I… I wanted to ask you if… Well actually I was wondering if…”
“Yes…” She said, visibly impatient.
“If you wanted to… I don't know…” You stammered. Words were worthless. You didn't know how to talk in those situations, it would be better to act, even if it was really crazy. Without thinking twice, you approached and kissed her. She didn't reject you, at least not at that very moment. She did shortly after, placing a hand on your chest.
“(Y/N) what are you doing?” She asked, shaking her head.
You had made a big mistake, now you were sure. You wished you could fly to get out the window.
“I… I thought that…” You said how could you desperately trying to travel to the past and never having done that.
“What?”
Her voice was calm, but clearly that tone didn't make you think anything good.
“We, we get along so well that… Well I thought that you and me…” You whispered, feeling how tears formed in your eyes.
“(Y/N), I… No, I can't,” she said, sighing. It wasn't a "get away from me", it was a "I can't." You felt better, although it didn't help much.
“Why?” You asked, pulling away. You were uneasy about that statement. She couldn't and you didn't know why. Not being able to didn't exactly mean not wanting to.
“Look at you, (Y/N), you're a kid,” she told you, she was serious. Those words made you boil with rage.
“I'm not a kid,” you hissed. “I'm 24 years old.”
“I don't care, for me you are just a child, don't you realize that it can't be possible? What would someone like me do with someone like you? We are from different worlds, you have to understand.”
“Well no, I don't understand it,” you said, navigating between grief and anger.
“You are very young, you will understand. But we can be friends, (Y/N). I think it's the best,” she told you, making an attempt to hold your hand. You jerked her away.
You didn't understand anything. If she had told you something like "I don't like women", "I don't feel anything for you" at least you would be safe, hurt, but safe. You would have no reason to remain in love with her.
“You'd better go,” you said, pointing to the door. She nodded, head down. You were the one who had to be like this, but you became arrogant, believing that you were right for everything. It was yet another failure, and you wanted to be alone.
After that hard blow to your heart, you couldn't stay in your room. Your head was spinning around everything, your eyes shed desperate tears. You needed to get some fresh air, and urgently.
Night wasn't the best time to walk through Nevermore, but you didn't care. All your thoughts were centered on Marilyn, and on her words. When you wanted to realize it, you were far from the academy, near a small pier. The moon was reflected in the water of the lake. It seemed like a good place to cry without being seen.
You sat on the wood and quietly shed your tears. Everything had gone wrong in a moment. Friends, that was the best you could be. It was absurd. You weren't sure that she had feelings for you, but you just knew that you were right. Age, that absurd concept seemed to be a barrier that she refused to cross, as well as the fact that she was normie, and you were an outcast. You didn't see the problem anywhere. You had always been good to her, even though she was normie, and she was good to you, even though you were an outcast.
A sound of footsteps brought you out of your regrets. You quickly put yourself on your guard, you were no stranger to rumors of monsters around. They weren't the steps of a monster, they were the steps of someone you didn't expect to see there at that hour.
“Tyler?” You asked surprised, wiping your tears.
That boy, the waiter from the Jericho cafeteria was there. He seemed agitated, nervous, but as soon as he saw you, he smiled.
“(Y/N), what are you doing here?” He asked approaching you. It was obvious that the marks of your crying were visible on your face. “Are you okay?”
He was a nice boy. Attentive and friendly. Many of your students told you about the horrible things he did against the outcasts, but he himself recognized that he had changed, that he was another person. You believed him. It could be said that he was something of a friend.
You shook your head. Thinking of a lie to tell, the recent memories of that conversation with the redhead struck again.
“It's nothing, just that she has broken my heart,” You confessed. The boy looked at you with pity and sat next to you.
“What happened?” He asked, putting an arm around your shoulders.
“Well, I've told Marilyn,” you said. Of course, he was aware of your feelings. You used to talk a lot in the cafeteria. He always supported you, he said that everything would be fine. He was wrong, no matter how encouraging his words sounded.
“Oh, and she said...”
“She said no, damn it!” You yelled furiously. He backed away scared. “Well, actually she hasn't told me no… I don't know. She has told me that I am very young and that a normie like her should not be with an outcast like me. Something like that, I don't understand anything, Tyler…”
You leaned down to rest on his shoulder again. He wasn't a guy with many words, but he knew how to cheer people up. It seemed as if within that hideous bully your students were telling you about, there was some kind of guardian angel hiding.
“What a nonsense,” he told you. You agreed.
“Yes, it is nonsense. I really don't get it. I'm trying hard, but I can't understand what's going through her head,” you said, finding relief in the mere fact of talking about your feelings, of letting off steam.
“There are two of us, (Y/N)…” The boy sighed. “I can't understand Wednesday. She's always so cold, it's like she has no heart.”
You knew his feelings for your gothic student. You were sure there was chemistry between them, though you never intervened, just trying to gather the information he requested. Her tastes, her fears... (If she had any, of course)
“We are two idiots…” You whispered, looking at the moon reflected in the water. Looking at Tyler, you noticed a small detail. “Hey, where have you been? You are full of mud.”
“Oh, well, I like to walk through the woods,” he told you, a little surprised by the question. “It is inevitable to step on a puddle.”
“It hasn't rained for two weeks…” You commented, beginning to think that he was lying. Tyler just shrugged and just laughed. Actually that little conversation cheered you up a lot. You felt a little better. It's always nice to have someone to talk to.
“Well, it's late. I'll drop by Weathervane tomorrow and we can continue talking about our problems, okay?” The boy nodded, getting up.
“Sure, I'll be there, (Y/N).”
“Tyler,” you said, stopping him. “Thank you.”
He nodded and you hugged him tight. He was a true friend, one of the few you had. He never judged you, he always supported you.
You walked back to Nevermore, a little calmer. You continued with the discomfort and disgust, but you began to see it in a different way. If she felt something for you, it would be a matter of time. You looked up, right at the redhead's window. There was no light, but you stopped walking when you saw how the curtains moved. She was there, for sure.
Classes the next day passed as usual. Pure routine, but with a change. You haven't seen Marilyn all day. You didn't want to see her. You needed to give yourself some time and above all, give her time to reconsider her ridiculous opinion.
You entered the nice cafeteria looking for your friend. He was not at the counter. That was a bit strange. He was always there, fighting with the coffee machine.
You sat for a few minutes, but he didn't show up. You decided to ask another waitress.
“Hey, where is Tyler?” You asked the young woman.
“I think he's in the back room, talking on the phone. Do you want to drink something?”
“Um, yeah, latte with a splash of vanilla,” you said, getting up. The girl agreed.
You were quite impatient by nature. You could only play with electricity, but you had the terrible gift of not knowing how to wait.
You peeked into the small back room. The door was closed, but you could hear Tyler talking.
“But why? I don't... I know, but... Yes, yes, I understood, I won't go back to... No, please! I already understood, not again, please... Yes, Laurel, I, I will always obey you...”
You listened with a frown. The boy seemed terribly scared. You almost hit the door when it opened.
“Tyler, I was looking for you,” you said nervously, praying that he wouldn't notice that you were spying on him. He didn't answer you, he ignored you and went back to the counter. You stayed there, with a silly face. “Tyler?”
There was no answer. If you didn't know him, you would think he was completely ignoring you.
His expression was serious, as if he was mesmerized. A wound that came from his neck powerfully caught your attention.
“My God, what happened to you?”
“Nothing, nothing happened to me. If you don't mind, I have clients to attend to,” he told you coldly.
You were speechless at that sudden change in attitude.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” You asked annoyed. He closed his eyes and took a breath.
“Leave me alone, (Y/N), I don't want to know anything about you.”
You decided not to answer. You stayed there planted, on the ground. It was as if someone had cursed you. The day before the woman you loved rejected you, now it was your best friend who did it. You decided to go back to the academy to take refuge in your pillow.
Tears blurred your vision. You had lost everything, for nothing. You didn't know what had happened. It seemed like you pushed away everyone you cared about. It was desolate, terribly sad. The sun was beginning to set, and after its last rays, a figure appeared coming out of the building. The last person you wanted to see. Marilyn.
“(Y/N)…” She told you, stopping you.
“Leave me alone, I don't feel like talking to anyone,” you said sobbing, Of course you felt like it, you always felt like it for her. But that day you had suffered too much, and worst of all, you didn't know why.
“What’s wrong?” She asked, insisting that you not continue on your way.
“Nothing, nothing is wrong. I don't know how you have the shame to ask me,” you said annoyed, wiping your tears. It was a useless gesture. At that very moment you collapsed, crying uncontrollably and throwing yourself into her arms.
“It’s okay, honey, it’s okay. Don't cry anymore and tell me what happened,” she told you, whispering. You didn't understand why she kept treating you that way after what had happened.
“I don't know what I did wrong. Everything is a mess. You reject me with bullshit excuses. My best friend stops talking to me without knowing why…” You sobbed into her shoulder. She pushed you away, her eyes wide.
“Your best friend? Who?” She asked sharply.
“Tyler, the sheriff's son, we've been friends since I came here, and now he doesn't talk to me,” you explained. It seemed to you that she suddenly turned pale.
“You’re friends?”
“Apparently not anymore,” you said, sitting next to the redhead on a nearby bench.
“I mean, nothing but friends?” She insisted. She seemed nervous. You were surprised by that insinuation.
“Of course we're just friends. I don't like boys, you know perfectly well that I like you,” you said with some anger in your words.
“I saw you last night, (Y/N). In the lake.”
“Yes, we were at the lake, talking. About you precisely, about how you broke my heart…”
You couldn't finish the sentence. Marilyn kissed you unexpectedly. Now you didn't understand anything.
“Oh God…” You sighed, feeling how it seemed that even your head was beginning to ache. “Didn't you say that you couldn't have anything with me? You're going to drive me crazy,” you protested, kissing her again.
“I'm sorry, (Y/N), I was wrong…” She whispered to you, resting her forehead against yours. “When I saw you last night with Tyler I… I was jealous, enraged at the thought of losing you. I know what I said but you mustn't believe me, it's just that… I didn't think it was right.”
“Oh…” You sighed, feeling how the sadness faded from your heart. You were right, she felt something and her jealousy brought it out. “So you… Do you want to try it? Do you feel something about me?”
The redhead nodded smiling, as if a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders as well. You hugged each other intensely and things began to improve.
“I hope you can forgive me, (Y/N),” she told you, with tears in her eyes.
“Well, give me a couple more kisses and I'll think about it,” you said, cupping her face with your hands.
It was one hour of hugs and kisses. As you relaxed, the Tyler issue came to your mind.
“I think there's something wrong with Tyler…” You sighed, feeling like you were on a cloud.
“Why do you think so?”
“This afternoon he was very strange, I think someone tortured him, he had neck injuries, and he was talking on the phone with someone... Laurel?”
“Oh, really? How curious…”
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scribbles97 · 6 months
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Left Behind - Chapter 49
Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 Chapter 48 Read on Ao3
According to the nurse she had spoken to, Scott hadn’t moved from the floor outside the theatre since they had rushed Tia in. He was still in his blues, his hair and skin greyed out by the dust from the disaster site. Blood stained his arm from someone Lucy had seen him helping much earlier on in the day. 
“You’re no use to her sat out here dwelling.” She murmured as she approached him, only sparing the briefest glance to the double doors before returning her focus to the eldest boy.
He shook his head, lips pressed together in a thin line as he glanced up to her, “I screwed up Mom.”
Tutting, she sighed, “Well I’m too old to be getting down there, so come on, up you get.”
His eyes darted past her to the door, and she didn’t need to hear his protest to know that he didn’t want to leave. 
“The doctors will call as soon as she’s out.” She assured him, “You need a shower, and a coffee, minimum.”
He still hesitated. 
“She’s in good hands Scott.”
He shook his head again, hands rubbing through his hair sending a plume of dust up to dance in the fluorescence of the lights. 
“She told me she loves me.”
She didn’t need him to add the next part. 
“But I didn’t say anything back.”
With a sigh she reached down to his shoulder, shifting most of her weight through that arm she eased down next to him to sit on the hard lino floor. 
“I told you I’m too old for this.”
Scott scoffed, leaning over to rest his head on her shoulder, “Sorry.”
“Tell me about it?”
He shrugged, “What’s there to tell? Just before Virg moved her she called me back and said it and I just stood there like a goldfish.”
Tia had been out of it when she and Virgil had emerged from the hole, a combination of blood loss and a concussion he had told her at the time. Lucy had stayed with the pair through the short flight to the hospital, trusting Scott’s ability to fly whilst they focused on their patient. 
“Do you wish you had said something?” She offered, rubbing her thumb across the back of his glove as she rested her cheek against his hair. 
He had only seen Tia briefly she knew, a dash from the cockpit to the medbay as the doctors had swarmed the ship. The slightest of nods from Lucy and he had been away with the stretcher, desperate to keep up with what was happening to her. 
“I should have told her.” He whispered, “That I love her too.”
There had undoubtedly been other things in his head in the moment, bigger thoughts about her condition and getting her out of danger. If his reaction early on in the day was anything to go by, he had barely come to the realisation of his feelings. A disaster zone was hardly a suitable place to organise ones thoughts. Lucy was hardly surprised that he had stumbled at her comment. 
“I’m not just saying that.” He added, “I do mom. I really love her. How didn’t I see it sooner?”
She knew the feeling, had been dealing with the same kind of thoughts herself since she had woken up in the infirmary weeks ago. 
“The thought of losing her…” Scott trailed off with a shake of his head, “It’s like… just thinking about it leaves this gaping ache.”
“Love is a funny thing.” She murmured quietly, “I don’t think you can quite describe it, but if you’ve felt it, you know what it is.”
“I didn’t realise that was what it was.” He sighed heavily, “I thought it was just stress and the relief of getting it off of my chest.”
The comment was filed away for later, something to keep a close eye on in the coming weeks. Scott getting burned out with stress had always been her biggest fear, but she had always thought he had coped with it in his own way. 
She just hadn’t anticipated the methods used. 
It was easy to see how the two feelings could get confused though, how ranting and raving made everything feel better. Who was it that she always went to for those kinds of conversations though? Deep down, she knew there was only a real satisfaction of relief when she spoke to one person in particular on the topic. 
“But it’s not,” Scott continued, “It’s different. It’s not like when I talk to you or Virg about what’s on my mind.”
“I love her Mom.” He sighed with a shake of his head, “And I only just realised it, right as I might lose her.”
“She’s a strong woman.” Lucy whispered to him, “Have faith Kid, you’ll be able to tell her everything soon enough.”
She wasn’t sure if she would ever have the courage to voice her own feelings. 
“As always,” A warm voice commented from the door at the far end of the hall, “Your mother is undoubtedly right, Scott.” 
Lucy’s stomach twisted as she met his eye, her heart suddenly in her throat as she wondered just how much of the conversation the man with the cane had heard. 
“Hey Hugh,” Scott forced a tight smile, “I thought you were back in London this week?”
The older man shook his head, “Penelope has it all in hand, I had planned on surprising your mother until circumstances changed.”
She hoped the heat that rose in her cheeks would go unnoticed by them both. Hugh surprising her wasn’t an uncommon thing, and she certainly never complained about his visits. 
Except, recent conversations had her mind wandering elsewhere.
“Trust what she says kiddo,” He murmured holding his free hand out to Scott, “Swing by the relatives room, get a shower and some food. We’ll call you as soon as there’s any news.”
He glanced between them both, eyes young and wide, “You’re sure?”
“Promise Scotty.” She smiled, stroking his hair, “Go and get rid of this muck.”
He accepted Hugh’s hand up, looking down himself with a grimace as he stretched out. 
“Take your time, good lad.” Hugh murmured as he patted Scott’s shoulder, “The slightest news and we’ll call.”
Scott nodded, looking back to his mother and holding a hand out, “Thanks Mom.”
She accepted the help up, using the wall for support as her bad leg took a moment to wake up and catch her weight. Scott hugged her briefly before turning and heading away.
“So,” Hugh started as the doors swung shut behind him, “Kid’s in love, huh? Been there myself, know the feeling well.”
Avoiding his eye wasn’t an option, there was something that just drew her to him, left her unable to just ignore anything he said even if she wished she could. Both of them knew there was too much left unsaid. 
Hugh knew Jeff was coming home. 
She had told him as soon as she could. 
He had been enthusiastic on the holo-call, but the light hadn’t quite reached his eye. 
There was the same sort of sadness there then.
“I’m sorry.” She whispered, a lump catching in her throat. It seemed like the only thing that there was to say, yet hardly felt like enough at the same time. 
He huffed with a shake of his head, “Don’t be. There’s nothing to be sorry for.” 
Except there was. She felt like there was so much to be sorry for. For drawing him in, accepting the company and the closeness. For letting him in but still keeping him at arms length without quite realising it. For falling in love when they were only ever meant to be friends. 
“Come here,” He murmured, holding his arm out to her. She hesitated, pursing her lips as she folded her arms around her torso, not trusting herself to go to him.
Hugh sighed again and nodded, dropping his arm as he did. 
“I understand.”
“Jeff-” She started, not trusting her voice to say any more. 
He swallowed visibly, “I know. I always knew that was where your heart truly lay.”
Clearing her throat, she blinked hard, not sure where the sudden swell of emotion that had tightened her chest had come from. 
“I’m still here for you though,” Hugh added, “I’ll always be here Luce.”
Something in her broke, snapping hard and sharp in her chest. His arm was held out again, and that time she didn’t hesitate in going to him and hiding herself in his chest. 
“I’m sorry.” She whispered again as he stroked her hair. 
“Me too Luce,” He sighed softly, “Me too.”
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Group E Round 3
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[image ID: the first image is of No Significant Harassment, a shadowy figure standing behind a sleeping pink-red, fox-like creature. their green hands seem to be holding up the floating creature. the second image is of Sally Swing, a young woman with long blond hair, worn loose and in a pompadour style on top of her head. she wears a black beret, white short sleeve shirt, skirt, and gloves, and on top of the shirt is a black vest shirt with a yellow collar and belt. she also wears black and yellow saddle shoes. in her hand is a conductor's baton, and behind her is the silhouette of a swing band. she's standing in front of a 1930s microphone. end ID]
No Significant Harassment
They're just a silly little guy. A jokester. Significant harassment if you will. Anyway, a more in depth run down: They're a city sized supercomputer built by a Buddhist adjacent society to figure out how to transcend the 'Great Cycle' (semi-metaphorical cycle of death and rebirth) in a safer way than the previous method (submerging oneself in the 'void sea' which is a mysterious golden liquid that dissolves whatever it touches). Despite being built for this express purpose NSH never really shows a pressing interest in ascension, even cracking jokes about those who are still looking for a solution. Whether this is due to indifference, dislike of, or humor to cope with being unable to ascend is not clear and really up to interpretation. Example: NSH: I wish them super good luck in that endeavor. How is it going to happen? Have the overseers gnaw through bedrock until their entire can crashes down in the void sea? BSM: Please be respectful when speaking of the Void Sea. Grey Wind, where did you hear this? CW: I really shouldn't say. He's going to attempt some sort of breeding program. Thought you might want to know. NSH: Haha with the slimers, lizards and etceteras? Surely the answer was in a lizard skull all along! He's very flippant, but does care very intensely for those close to him. NSH: Moon? It's me again. NSH: I do not know if you are receiving these. Please signal in any way you can. NSH: I need to talk to you. I need to know you're okay. NSH: … NSH: Its difficult for us to assist you over this distance. NSH: Even more difficult for us to do anything in the midst of these tantrums. NSH: Were going to try everything that we can. NSH: Just hold on a little longer. (Context for previous convo: They genetically engineered a super organism of a slugcat (the species you play as in Rain World) to help reset his coworker/sibling after her collapse and restart her systems. He was so desperate to fix her that he accidentally messed up the slugcat's (Hunter) genetic code and as a result it became riddle with the Rot (relatively similar to aggressive cancer) :( which parallels his other coworker/siblings condition who also has the rot. ) He canonically uses he/they pronouns too! Nonbinary swag! NSH has major internet troll vibes. He has sent a data pearl of "something distasteful" to his neighbors on several(?) occasions and causes chaos. If he had access to the wider internet he'd probably be an influencer So…yeah! Vote NSH this website likes the allure of heavy machinery and stuff like that so… there you go. Kind of a blorbo. End post.
Sally Swing
Her entire debut revolves around the entire concept that she could sing better than anyone else but for some reason in the Betty Boop comic, they decided that she should be so bad at singing that she causes bugs to explode [mod note: if you want to see Sally's debut, you can click here. it's a 6 minute cartoon, so not a big watch. also, a fun fact: Sally was intended to replace Betty, or at least take over the main cartoon spot, due to Betty's decline in popularity. it was the late 30s; flappers were out, swingers were in. unfortunately, the public didn't latch onto Sally like they did Betty, so she had that one appearance in the cartoons, and then faded into comic obscurity...]
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thyandrawrites · 2 years
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Can I ask how do you think Shouto should stop Touya? Both Shouto and Touya can cancel each other out so neither are going to win with their powers alone.
Empathy. I know that word is overused in villain meta, but it's really that simple.
Shouto right now is the only character who can challenge Touya's self perception in any significant way. Let's remember that Touya's reason to be a villain is his lack of identity besides the purpose placed on his birth. Touya started spiralling and eventually fell through the cracks not because he wasn't strong enough to overcome his obstacles, but because, like early Shouto, he struggles to differentiate his Self from Enji's shadow. To this day, even his revenge plan essentially boils down to a wish to be finally acknowledged, to be seen as the masterpiece he was supposed to be according to his father's plans. He can't give up that goal because he simply has no identity outside of it.
But the thing is, Shouto started out in a similar enough bad mental place that he can reach out to Touya and show him a way out.
The central theme in Shouto's personal journey was figuring out how he can be just Shouto, instead of Todoroki Shouto, Son of Endvr and Perfect Masterpiece. There's a reason he chooses his given name as a hero moniker. His arc is all about finding his true self-expression, his own way of doing things that is independent from his father's ambitions for him. In other words, it's a journey to self-actualization. For most of his life, Shouto was unable to come to terms with his fire because he always saw using that side as surrendering to the ambitions that Endvr saddled onto him—a role he never wanted. However, in doing so, he reached the opposite result and allowed Endvr's looming shadow the power to dictate Shouto's actions for the better part of his life. Only when Shouto reclaimed his fire as his, did he finally find some inner peace, and was able to start a much healthier journey, make friends, make progress as a hero and a person.
I'm putting all that out there because I think the key to stopping Dabi is something very similar. "Dabi" is not Touya's true self, either. It's a villain moniker, yes, but it's also a persona born of trauma and bad coping methods, one that still suffers from the same struggle to define himself as anything more than Endvr's product. Much like early Shouto, Dabi can't reach his self-actualization (and instead seeks external validation) because he's trapped in that mentality. He can't see past the circumstances of his birth. He's not a full individual yet, because so much of his identity is tied to the expectations his father saddled onto him as a child.
So the key to stopping "Dabi" was never a new super move. It cannot come down to just physical blows, because the root of the conflict was never pure physical prowess. It was always a matter of identity, or lack thereof. A matter of finding out your true self by exploring who you are without blood as a chain around your ankles.
Right now, as the sole other receptacle of Endvr's ambitions of glory, Shouto is the only character who can see how those expectations stifled and warped his brother until burning hatred for Endvr became the only self-expression he had access to. And right now, Shouto's the only one who successfully got out of that mindset and started healing.
The way Shouto was able to reach that point was by coming to terms with his legacy and finding his distance from Enji. He made peace with his fire side by understanding that the circumstances of his birth didn't have to influence his path moving forward. Cause blood isn't all an individual boils down to. Choices matter as well. Connections. Shouto found a way to use his fire when he didn't associate his father's cruelty with it, and instead used it for kindness, for helping others. He became a more accomplished hero when he let his classmates get close to him, when he relied on them and let them rely on him in turn.
Notably, Dabi still struggles with all of that. His desperation to justify his existence to his father shows that he's still trapped in his legacy with seemingly no way out. He doesn't see any other options for a "failure" like himself. He talks about "warped rails" and predestination, and clearly still sees his blood as a sentence upon his head, something inescapable, and by giving Endvr that much power to define his worth, he forgot he already possessed it, inherently, as an individual. And all that accomplished was erasing "Touya" more and more until what's left is just "Endvr's failed heir". Even the way he uses his fire mirrors Endvr's, and so does his self-reliance. He doesn't open up to his peers, refuses their help and their companionship unless the situation calls for teamwork, because he thinks he doesn't "need" them. Like his father, and like early Shouto, he sees self-reliance as strength and cooperation as weakness.
But Dabi, like early Shouto already did, is meant to move past all that, because that's not who he is, but only a reflection of how he was raised.
In this sense, Shouto's empathy can be the only bridge to him right now. By using their shared experiences as a common basis, Shouto can understand what the root of Dabi's villainy is, and help dislodge the warped misbelief that's the cause of that spiralling. Remembering Rei's words to him (the ones triggered in his fight with Deku) helped Shouto reconnect to his origins, to the self buried under all the trauma, and eventually led to his growth. So I think Dabi, too, needs to be prodded and l challenged until he, too, can return to his origin and be just Touya again. Not a failed masterpiece, not his father's son, but just Touya. The boy he was originally supposed to be.
After all, this manga isn't particularly subtle about this, either. How many times has Horikoshi used the visual tool of depicting younger versions of his characters to show exactly that—the power of connection, the idea that growth can only begin when you're true to your origins?
So yeah, those are my two cents. I think that's how "Dabi" can be stopped. By stopping, cancelling, the reason why this villain moniker exist, and return Dabi to just Touya-nii.
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