#why am i so harsh on that kid when i should be proud that they even lived through it | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

roo-bastmoon · 1 year

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"I can't stand your kumbaya OT7 fake cheeriness. Be ffr."

First and foremost, I will always advocate that you police your own experience. PLEASE mute / block / unfollow me if my posts (and just my personality in general) are causing you distress. I never wish to be the source of problems in the world. So go with my blessing.

But second...

I hope you know there are some really good REASONS why I'm so "kumbaya" right now.

In my 44 years living on this space rock, I have:

--had a vicious abusive alcoholic parent who broke my nose when I was a kid

--been through my parents' nasty divorce that left us so poor we lived out of a car and ate one meal a day so our cats could have cat food

--developed disordered binge eating because I believed it was necessary during my semi-pro ballet days

--was sexually assaulted by a partner who professed to love me

--had not one but TWO diagnosed narcissistic bosses who made my beloved workplaces hell for years

--survived (so far) uterine cancer which took away my ability to ever be a bio-mom, something I'd always wanted for myself

I look at this laundry list of trauma (for which I am seeing a WONDERFUL therapist) and think to myself:

"Even so, I've lived such a cushy, privileged, safe and happy life. I've got four higher degrees; I've traveled the US and through Europe; I've worked on creative and charitable projects that I'm proud of; I've got a small band of wonderful real-life friends who stuck by me for the past 30+ years. It's been a good and meaningful life."

But I am TIRED of drama and I've had a lifetime supply of harsh words and meanspirited discourse. I'm just so fed up with it. I'm allergic to it now.

I'm not saying we should allow hate and harmful behavior to slide. But here on the internet, we have the power to block and remove anything we don't want to see or be a part of. I WISH we could do that in real life, where the stakes are so much higher.

So for my part, after being in all kinds of internet fandoms since 1999, I've come to the conclusion that I will not hang with mean girls, I will not feed trolls, I will not fight with antis, and I will TRY not to pop off on people who upset me (sometimes menopause gets the better of me, I admit it). Rather, I will just redirect my focus to what brings me joy, I will follow my bliss, I will take revenge by living happily.

And keep in mind... People are human. Fans and members alike are going to have bad takes, bad attitudes, bad days, bad habits. The question is: are they willfully causing harm? If yes, intervention is necessary. If no, then a little grace might be more useful.

I come from three generations of teachers and one of the most important things they've said to me is: Shame is not a teaching tool. It might temporarily change someone's behavior, but more often than not they double down in order to counteract embarrassment. If you want good results, thank a person for trying their best, acknowledge they are likely struggling, and invite them to be the better version of themselves you absolutely know they can be. Sometimes that works.

With ruiners, it doesn't. They just want to ruin things. Ruining things makes them feel powerful, because they cannot create; they can only destroy. It is their only talent. Ruiners invade a space and absolutely delight in ruining it for everyone else. It's a disease and I don't know the cure. The only way I know to counteract a ruiner is to stay in your space and LOUDLY be joyful, be cheerful, focus on what you love, and drown out their vitriol and hate with compassion and love.

So THAT is why I'm so "kumbaya cheerful OT7." Even on days when I would love nothing more than to thrash and whine, I'm trying my best to be a good little oyster and filter out the toxins, so this place remains focused on what matters: supporting BTS and enjoying ARMY.

If after knowing all that, I'm still not your cup of tea? I totally understand and I really don't mind if you need to mute me. This blog is just a hobby, just a place I come to escape the stress of work deadlines and house renovations and sick kitties and my own health issues and real life problems. Probably that's why you're here too. It's meant to be fun and enjoyable. I'm sorry if you don't like me, but... I'll never change all my colors for you.

So go follow your joy and find like-minded blogs. You have my blessing. And maybe we'll meet each other again on down the road, and we'll both be in better places, and we can walk together by then. Either way, you deserve to be happy.

Love, Roo

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komotionlessqueenmm · 1 year

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How would magni and modi handle their child being named Thor’s successor.

OMG WHY AM I ONLY JUST NOW SEEING THIS!?!?

(Sorry for the super long wait! My asks never seem to wanna work properly!)

Anyways let's get to it, shall we?

Headcanon/Preference # 13

Pictures NOT mine.

*I freaking love these two, so feel free to send me more stuff with them, and Baldur, and we'll see what I can whip up for my favorite boys. They need more love, and I need more inspiration.

| Magni |

• Magni is proud as fuck!

• I mean yeah he wanted to be his father's successor, but his daughter/son proving themselves more worthy?

• Way way way to proud of you to be upset or jealous, and he will proudly proclaim to everyone that you're his little girl/boy constantly.

• Even if you're taller than him, and even though EVERYONE already knows you're his kid!

• He would literally toss you up onto his shoulder, regardless of your size, and he'd then parade you around all of Asgard if you don't beg him to stop.

• Magni is probably the best dad you could have asked for out of all the Gods tbh.

• I mean when you were born you honestly became his number one priority, you are his everything, even more so than your own mother.

• Mama bear is the best summery to Magni as your father, but like he's so proud of everything you do, and he always encourages you to set your sights even higher.

• And what could be better than obtaining Thor's hammer?

• Whenever your uncle Modi starts acting up, your father puts him back in his place. No one and I mean no one talks ill of you.

• Modi probably even takes it so far as to challenge you, but before you even catch wind of it, or have a chance to accept or decline the offer.

• Magni beats you to it, and kicks his brothers ass. Telling him that he was doing him a favor, as you clearly would have done far worse.

• Overall he's very happy for you, and he can't wait to see you in battle with his father's hammer.

• Sometimes he'll even playfully challenge you for the hammer, but you both know he would never take what is rightfully yours.

| Modi |

• Modi is jealous as fuck!

• And he honestly wants to be angry with you, or even hate you... But he simply can't.

• You're his child, his only child. And despite his jealousy, he is proud of you.

• And he knows first hand how worthy you truly are, he's trained with you your whole life after all, he knows how powerful you've become.

• But because his jealousy is still there he acts very cold with you, which was a real change of pace, as he used to engage with you joyously.

• His resentment turns to his father, for never giving him the opportunity to prove himself.

• And when Modi notices just how fond of you Magni is, and how your uncle is often praising you for your accomplishment.

• Oh buddy.

• He gets even more jealous, and starts fights with Magni, often telling him that he should just claim you as his own instead, since he wants to "steal" you away now that you have such power.

• Magni would be happy to step in and take his place, he knows you deserve the honor of being Thor's successor, and you don't deserve the cold shoulder your father is giving you.

• But Odin and Thor both talk him out of it, they all know why Modi is acting this way, and they feel it's best to just let it resolve itself.

• In time Modi gets over his jealousy as they had suspected when he actually sees first hand just how worthy you truly are.

• He'll scold himself for being so blind, and he'll apologize to you in his own way, when he finally musters the courage.

• He is proud of you, he just couldn't see it until he let go of that jealousy.

• Not long after he's made amends with you, he's back to his old self again, being the caring upbeat father you had known your whole life.

• Magni also stops being so harsh on Modi when he realizes he's made things right with you again.

• All is right in the world, and you are far more powerful with your family at your side, than if they alienated you because if their envy.

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pdrrook · 7 months

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hi!! i'm sorry if i pop up in your ask box too frequently BUT I AM just really very interested in like the lore behind laurent's childhood and laurent's parents in general!!!! if it's not too spoiler-y, can you tell us like any trivia about about sylvia and/or bernard and their relationship? or how they raised laurent? they're just very fascinating imo because they're like,,, they absolutely do not care about their son (LMAO) but they're in love with each other? and that's so!!! interesting????

Hi hi! It’s always great to see a familiar avi!

A very long post, just so you know:

Oh yeah, let’s go.

Both Sylvia and Bernard come from govt-aligned families that pride themselves in consisting of mostly 5s. They both were fine with the idea of arranged marriage, which is a norm because a)having two 5s as parents = greater chance for a kid who’s a 5 too, and b)they tend to follow ‘logic’ more than emotions. They did fall in love naturally tho, and would have married anyway, but because of their backgrounds their families were really happy about the match.

Neither of them cared about children because they never grew up with caring parents either. Bernard was more lukewarm to the idea, in the sense that if Sylvia wanted a child, he’d give her one, whereas Sylvia never wanted one because a)she’s naturally not inclined and b)of what happened to her sister (who couldn’t stand the family pressure and ended up committing suicide).

Now, because Sylvia was the only child left, the pressure shifted to her, and when she made the mistake of letting her mother know that apparently she was pregnant but lost the child (she didn’t really care about that, and would have canceled the pregnancy anyway) her mother latched onto the idea to the point that after a while she put everything (aka the inheritance etc) on one card and demanded that if Sylvia doesn’t have a child, she will disown her.

Sylvia’s biggest fear was not meeting expectations, she was brought up like that and that's her core issue, she’d do anything to meet certain criteria (and like Laurent's later) more often than not her own expectations set for herself were even bigger than everyone else’s. So when her mother said basically ‘it’s not a big deal, just give birth and have a nanny take care of the child’ Sylvia thought okay, that sounds doable, and went with it. I said that about her before, but she’s a perfect example of why you shouldn’t force people who don’t want children to have children, and yes while it was ultimately her own choice, it was under parental pressure, which for someone with her upbringing was impossible to ignore, especially since Bernard as her partner was raised the same way.

So they did have Laurent, but from the moment she was pregnant with him, she knew she wanted nothing to do with him. Later on, when he’s an adult, she does feel proud of him, of what he became, but she never really loved him when he was a child. Bernard, on the other hand, was the only one who visited Laurent in hospitals etc though the visits were mostly an obligation, something he felt she should do as a father, like the bare minimum he should do, he treated it more like a job than actual parenting.

The child resembled him a lot, in looks and countenance, and since he had no experience being cared for as a kid, he treated Laurent the same way he was treated ('I was brought up like this, and I am fine now' logic), but he had the same expectations of himself like of Laurent because of the similarities, so he was extra harsh on him. If the child resembled Sylvia, he would have been more lenient. And that’s why if he were to have a grandchild he’d be a very lenient grandfather (as opposed to Sylvia who’d might grow closer to the child only once they're in their teens or early adulthood).

Now Sylvia treats Rene warmer than she did Laurent because Rene was always very obedient, and Sylvia felt a bit responsible for her after Rene’s mother passed. It reminded her of her sister's passing (they were never that close, the whole family is distant, but the way her sister choose to go is something that she never forgot).

Now as to how they raised Laurent, he raised himself, basically. For the first couple of years, he had nannies, but he wasn't close with any of them (that was the point of having several). He rarely saw Sylvia, perhaps for the better because if he stayed longer in their house he would grow up feeling like he was lacking something. After his affliction presented, he hopped from one hospital to another until they sent him to a private academy. Thanks to living away from his parents he had a new outlook, and after he returned home post-graduation and realized that now his parents had some specific expectations set for him after basically yoloing him his whole life, he decided to leave and cut ties with them.

Sylvia really didn’t care about his choices as long as they didn’t convince her and put her family in a bad light. Bernard was more strict, again because he saw himself in Laurent. They both didn't like the idea of Laurent joining the SPD (instead of any other department), but Laurent didn’t want to work under his mother in drug control and prevention, even if she could pull the strings to get him there. Sylvia thought he was being obtuse and silly because ‘why risk your life when you can just work there quietly’ and for Bernard it was 'just another act of rebellion' like when Laurent got himself a bike. He 100% expected Laurent to come crawling back because he couldn't comprehend the idea of someone actually cutting ties with their family for realzies.

About relationships, Bernard especially is hypocritical because if Sylvia was a 4 he would have eloped with her, but in Laurent's case he expects him to do everything he is told, and he's dismayed when Laurent refuses to get married off repeatedly.

Now Bernard wouldn’t care about their kid being a 4 or even not afflicted at all, but Sylvia would (I mean look at her and what she did, right, having another 4 in the family would be too much), though at the same time, she doesn’t like Laurent’s affliction because it’s troublesome.

Aside from that, Laurent’s grandmother died shortly after Laurent was born, otherwise he would have been spoiled rotten by her.

He got his name after his late aunt, she would have actually loved him, but she was gone, so.

Bernard’s side of the family is super distant, so they only saw each other during family gatherings and such.

Laurent’s first real family-like connection was with his SPD boss, who was a person with a strong drive, he wanted to use a bad situation to help people, and Laurent admired that and wanted to be just like him.

Okay, the trivia now lmao:

Sylvia's cat was a gift from Bernard, she didn't even know she liked cats, but he noticed her pay special attention to like ads of them etc

they both have very stern and kinda chaotic temperaments, they are prone to berating ppl and yelling even, but together they sort of disable each other? instead of making each other worse. They genuinely never argue bc their outlook and habits are very similar, but at the same time they don't find each other boring because they both love stability,

they don't travel often because they tend to just stay in the hotels and work remotely instead of sightseeing.

Whew!

#bernard's visits are basically like in that one snipped i possted on patreon #he pops in and out sits there 10 minutes and off he goes #thinks to himself wow i am such a good dad my parents wouldn't even bother 10/10 parenting bernard #pfm #laurent #bernard #sylvia #rene

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tizzyizzy · 2 years

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Why Ed Got Kraken: The Benefits of Being Blackbeard

As the climactic emotional turning point of the season for Ed’s arc, we pay plenty of attention to the confrontation between Ed and Izzy in the captain’s quarters. Here’s my take.

“I should have let the English kill you. This, whatever it is that you’ve become, is a fate worse than death.”

Right out of the gate, Izzy speaks what are actually his harshest words in the conversation. He says he should have let Ed die, that what ever he has become is worse than being dead. Between a different pair of characters, these cruel words would be the point of the scene. Ed would be dealing with his longtime friend and ally thinking so little of him. Wishing he was dead.

But, whatever bond they may have forged over the years, one of the most consistent things we see over the course of the series is how little Ed takes Izzy’s emotions and concerns into account. Sure, Ed listened and bowed to pressure when Izzy and the other crew members had a meeting about Stede being a pet. But Izzy both had back-up and was holding Ed up to his own rules and standards.

In general, Ed doesn’t pay much attention to Izzy’s emotional state, and when he does, he finds Izzy’s anger more amusing than upsetting. That’s not to say that Ed doesn’t care about Izzy at all, or that they aren’t friends. However, as their relationship has strained over the years, Ed seems to have gotten into the habit of tuning out Izzy’s ever growing list of complaints. Makes sense for the emotionally stunted pirate guys. Instead of leaning in to the relationship and dealing with the issue together, Ed leans away to escape Izzy’s pressure, only for Izzy to push even harder, which makes Ed lean away, etc.

And let’s be honest, Izzy can be pretty dramatic when he gets upset; it’s very possible Izzy has made over-the-top statements about how Edward will “rue this day” or whatever in the past in the heat of some fight only for things to cool down and return to normal.

So while Ed seems taken aback by how harsh Izzy is here, he responds more or less the same way we saw him respond in episode 4, where he just looked at Izzy in bafflement while the latter frothed and ranted.

This is just Izzy being Izzy. He’ll get over it.

“Well, I am still Blackbeard, so-”

Ed’s obviously got insecurities, but one thing he is absolutely proud of is being Blackbeard. He enjoys showing off his weather reading genius. He likes sauntering about the Revenge after rescuing Stede and co., basking in the awe of the starstruck crew. Ed worked long and hard and smart to have a reputation so legendary merchant ships surrender at the sight of his flag, and people the world over speak of him in hushed whispers. “I can do anything,” Ed said about running a restaurant. Blackbeard can do anything, and Ed is Blackbeard, so he can do anything.

Yeah, maybe Ed hasn’t been at his best the last few days, but who cares? He’s still, at his core, the infamous, skilled, indomitable Blackbeard.

Thing is, being Blackbeard comes with a lot of perks. Automatic respect and fear. Spanish Jackie holds her fire because she wouldn’t risk crossing Blackbeard by murdering the Genital Pirate. It may be more boring nowadays when you don’t have to fight to take a ship, but that’s reliable, safe booty. Dangerous people stay out of your way. Potentially useful ones compete for your favor. Izzy Hands says you’re the most brilliant sailor he’s ever met, and makes you tea and ties bows in your beard and is loyal no matter what.

Most importantly, as long as you’re Blackbeard? You’re somebody. By the time Ed appears in the story, the persona of Blackbeard has started to chafe. The excitement has been replaced by routine, and people see an exaggerated version of him with nine guns instead of his true self. But consider what Ed had before Blackbeard.

He was nothing. S lower class kid with a drunk for a father who wasn’t entitled to the simple pleasures of his aristocratic betters. Being Blackbeard might not be perfect, but it’s brought him so much more than whatever fate his lowly origins would have confined him to.

Back in the day, Ed was probably acutely aware of this. He started his career as nothing. Must have been exhilarating when people began to fear and respect him for the first time in his life, spreading his name far and wide.

But that was a long time ago, and Ed’s gotten complacent. He’s started to look for more out of life. However, he’s paid less attention to what earned him the security to worry about more than day to day survival. Ed didn’t think his slipping mattered, really. Sure, maybe he had made a few questionable decisions as his attention wandered from piracy, but he was still Blackbeard. Nothing’s going to change that.

But then Izzy, old, reliable Izzy, says he isn’t Blackbeard.

“No! This, this is Blackbeard! Not some namby-pamby in a silk robe pining for his boyfriend.”

These are the words that make him go from sedate to violent.

From episode 4 onward, Izzy has been a representative of Ed’s career as Blackbeard when he still had the passion for it. He’s a barometer that tells the audience how the Present Ed compares to Past Ed. In 10, he tells Ed and the audience that ratings are at an all time low. For the first time, Ed believes him.

When Izzy called him a “shell of a man who is merely posing at Blackbeard,” in 4, Ed didn’t bother to acknowledge it. Despite Izzy’s complaints, Ed was still confident that he was Blackbeard. In 4, despite his mistake with the date, Ed managed a brilliant plan with Stede’s help. Izzy apologized at the end of the episode, taking back his words.

But a lot has changed since 4.

Ed has fallen in love and had his heart broken. He’s become more open to his softer feelings, willing to express vulnerabilities. He found a friend, and lost him, and saw a different way of running a ship. He gave up his freedom for the love of a man who seemingly didn’t actually care about him. He learned he loved marmalade and wrote a song about his feelings and spent a week hiding in a pillow fort.

Ed has changed.

“Blackbeard is my captain. I serve Blackbeard. Not Edward.”

Know all those benefits I mentioned before? Izzy is one of them. Izzy was drawn to Blackbeard because of his brilliance. He is attracted to Ed as the daring, frightening, cunning pirate captain. Izzy even fell in love with him, and followed him with devout loyalty. Edward’s gotten so used to Izzy being there. It’s as natural as breathing to first reach out to Izzy when he needs something, even something intimate, or to chatter to Izzy about whatever has caught his interest.

Despite their rupture over Stede, their reconciliation wasn’t even worth a scene to itself. They fall back into their dynamic without question, because Izzy’s loyalty is that deep and Ed’s trust is that strong.

But Ed has taken the Blackbeard title for granted. Now, the ever loyal Izzy says he does not deserve it and he will no longer to submit to the authority it represents.

And when Ed is alone, having been abandoned by his most stalwart crewmember, he hears the crew calling him to sing again.

If Izzy doesn’t respect him anymore, no one will. The crew saw his vulnerable side. He has traded the respect of Blackbeard for...possibly nothing. To be treated as a joke. As someone who can be trifled with.

By trying to reach for something more, for real happiness beyond the security of infamy, Ed has risked the Blackbeard name he earned. Stede abandoned him. Izzy’s abandoning him. He’s on a boat with a crew that want to throw a talent show. If he doesn’t act soon, the name of Blackbeard could be dust...or worse, an object of ridicule (Remember how he feared being seen treasure hunting?). Then Ed will be back to the bottom of the barrel, same as the poor, lower class kid he started as, sneered at and looked down upon.

“Edward better watch his fucking step.”

This line is sometimes taken as a coercive threat, Izzy trying to intimidate Ed into bending to his will, but I’d argue that is not what is happening here.

When Izzy says these lines, he isn’t saying, “You’d better do what I want or I’ll make you regret it.”

He’s saying: “I will obey Blackbeard and submit to the will of Blackbeard. But you aren’t Blackbeard anymore. You don’t get to slam me into a wall or command me like Blackbeard does. If you try it again, there will be consequences.”

It’s not, “Become Blackbeard again or else.” It’s “You’ve changed so much I am no longer loyal to you.”

This is why I disagree with the view that Ed is coerced, bullied, or intimidated by Izzy into becoming the Kraken. This isn’t a scene about Ed buckling due to the fear of Izzy’s violent retribution, taking desperate measures to protect himself from The World’s Most Pathetic Man. It is about the threat of losing everything he’s built as Blackbeard.

This is why I find arguments about Ed resorting to maiming and forced auto cannibalism as semi-justified by his fear of Izzy, or some form of self-defense, particularly problematic: Ed wasn’t afraid of Izzy hurting him; he was afraid of Izzy leaving. Which is, uh, a very different thing.

Though it only kept Izzy from leaving because he’s loyal to the old Blackbeard, not due to fear.

“Hey Eddie, give us another song!”

(Interesting thing to note: Edward had just told the crew that he wanted to be called “Ed” instead of Blackbeard. He did not give anyone permission to call him by the cutesy, overly familiar diminutive “Eddie”. Perhaps a demonstration of how once he lost the aura of Blackbeard, the crew’s apparent respect for him began to diminish immediately.)

I think it does a disservice to Ed’s character to place the blame for his backslide into krakendom on Izzy. Izzy didn’t trick or manipulate or intimidate Ed. Ed isn’t scared of Izzy, for god’s sake. He isn’t being played. Izzy just exposed Ed to the very real potential consequences of his choices: losing everything he built with Blackbeard. And once Izzy is gone, Ed has hours to decide if he agrees with Izzy. In the end, he does.

I think, if Ed looked back at this moment, he wouldn’t be brooding about Izzy being mean or cruel. He’d think about being left alone in the captain’s quarters, a pit forming in his stomach, realizing that maybe what will give him true happiness and what will keep him safe are incompatible. Looking back on his past behavior in a panic, wondering if people are already beginning to hear tales of the newer, softer Blackbeard, and how that might change how they view him. Wondering, if Izzy is done with him, what does that mean about the rest of his crew? Wondering if he has nearly given up the legend of Blackbeard for an illusion of love. Looking around at all these trinkets left behind from Stede, how he used to long for them, but now they just look like the meaningless baubles of a man so rich he can afford to buy trash like Ed twice over.

“I am the Kraken.”

But it’s not too late. Ed just has to act fast. By the time night falls, he’s made his decision. He throws the member of Stede’s crew that has seen him at his most vulnerable, Lucius, off the boat, along with all his wisdom about relationships and emotions. He proves his commitment to being this version of Blackbeard to Izzy by performing a grotesque act of violence upon him. “The old Blackbeard’s back and he’s worse than ever,” is what he’s saying. “Don’t give up on me yet.”

Then all of Stede’s things have to go. All the baubles Ed was so excited about in 4, the big library, down they go into the drink. Then he maroons the foolish, trusting, ridiculous crew. They’re useless, and they’ve seen to much. Just more of Stede’s toys to play pirate.

He’s going to be okay. He’s still Blackbeard. He slipped, but he clawed his way back up at the last moment. He still hurts, but he can hide in his room to cry. And there’s the alcohol that we see him with, coping with pain like his father did. (Fang’s drinking now too. Bad times are coming again.)

The stabbed heart is sewed in his new flag, as a reminder not to let anyone in again.

He doesn’t have anything else, but he’s still Blackbeard.

#Edward Teach #Edward Teach meta #ofmd #ofmd meta #izzy hands

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kinderedgeisc00t · 1 year

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Okay, how do I do this,

Let's see uh

Okay I have nothing to copy and paste really, so I'm just going to write from scratch. Bear with me.

Hiiiii I'm Edmund Endless. I'm 18, as of last February. Seems important to put out into the world.

I'm a little weirdo. Or, well a tall one according to some people (is 5'8" tall?), But either way, I fully admit that I am in fact rejecting the term normal when it comes to my identity. I'm in fact very eccentric in between the fact that I consider things like slacks to be casual pants and almost always wear some kind of Hawaiian shirt out in public because I like the design of a short sleeve button up with desgny stuff, that definitely counts.

As far as hobbies go, I've had a bit of time to accumulate some, such as being an artist on paper and digitally, a rudimentary writer in the works, and then I look cooking and playing Minecraft (I am most certainly not a gamer but that will hopefully be something I can work on)

I also like to dress super femme [though, also, I see clothing as a thing all should be able to enjoy free of gendered norms, sooo-]. So far not anything huge since I'm working on getting a job as we speak, but once I have money flowing in, I plan to do more. I think skirts, fishnets, and makeup are all amazing things, and that's not even the start of it.

Edit: I've been considering Gothic Victorian attire... I think it's also called Gothic Lolita? Outfits I've found look cute and i wish I had them now-

Anyway, as mentioned in my blurb at the top, I am neurodivergent. As far as I know I Do have an official diagnosis but I don't know where they are because I was not the one who got them- but anyway I have Autism and ADHD. I like to think of them as additional overlays over my brain (I imagine ADHD as like the weird additional RAM space over with my left hemisphere for example) that have a few drawbacks but generally make me who I am. Everyone is a unique individual and I think that's one of the best things ;]

Formerly I was a proud owner of a surprisingly old cockatiel whom I love and cherish- he got to be 31, nearly 32, this year. And throughout the last summer, I also care for two cats- neither of which have any problem with my bird. Usually it's more a concern of if he'll bite them lol

Since my birds passing I've adopted two rescues who needed a new person and while they're not fully tamed yet, we all enjoy each other and I hope to further the bond with time and effort.

Anyway it's a fair warning that because of that I may or may not understand certain social cues, sarcasm, certain jokes, etc. I definitely understand text tones a little better even before people started employing the /srs or whatever stuff, but it's better to put that out there. I can also be a little blunt, but between autism and experiences, I do try to not be harsh if I can.

Anyway I'm running out of long things to list so I'm just going to put some additional facts down here

- I currently have at least one experience working on an alpaca farm, and as a result I have a couple vague understandings of the stuff that goes on there and why they're quite profitable.

- I really really want to dye a bit of my hair hot pink. I think it would be awesome and very outside the box. [Edit: I DID IT! I'M GONNA DO IT AGAIN eventually]

- I like scary stuff and I like silly stuff, and I especially like it when both are involved. Mainly because I see a lot of the same humor nowadays and horror doesn't always phase me (I was one of those kids who got into FNAF when I was younger so a lot of the feeling of being scared over those kind of things desensitized me a little.)

- I at one point wanted to be a YouTuber as a career, but most likely that will not happen due to the ridiculousness of the platform not likely going to mesh very well with my vocabulary at least half the time consisting of Fuck here and there- which is to say I will probably still eventually get back into that because I wanted to post things on there too.

- I've been getting into baking and I really want to try to make creamy jalapeno popper stuffed chocolate donuts from scratch. I also want to make a pizza from scratch :]

- I love Legos and I like making transformers out of them when I can figure out how to do it.

- I like music that is either from the 50s jazz era, older rock, shitposty songs, and then will wood. I/me/myself babyy :D

- I have read the entire Twilight series and shamelessly admit that I used to think it was the coolest thing when I was younger. Not So much Anymore.

- I'm a big fan of books by Rick riordan, James Patterson, and other obscure artists that right strange cool stories- such as The hitchhiker's guide which I also read the entire trilogy of four books.

- for some reason my default thought to looking cooler involves spikes and leather and you know I can't entirely say why. But I think it makes anyone look instantly cooler to be dressed in at least a cool leather jacket and heeled matching boots.

- I am in fact the person behind the two projects R.O.O.T and Enduralt. The former (Root) which I work on more because that's a long-term project and an original project. The other one (Enduralt) was just something me and an old friend kind of jumped back into for fun and I figured I'd keep the ball rolling as long as I can since I felt like it deserved to have its ideas shown in some capacity.

- I have a C shaped spine last I checked. It doesn't affect a whole lot as long as I'm careful, but I think it's an interesting fact to mention.

- through very roundabout means I am related to Johnny Cash, but not by blood.

- at some point I really want to have the space to build the model of an old car but retrofitted for modern road safety stuff since nowadays you need to have at least a partially electric car to drive on the road. I'd like to have mine look nice and cool.

- this probably should have gone upwards by the cake idea but I really like mixing foods together and at some point I intend to create my ultimate burger I've always dreamed of.

- also my favorite color is magenta and I am frustrated that it is hard to find that color in the kind of clothes I like to get because if I could I would have a lot of nice sweaters and skirts and stuff in magenta and it would be amazing-

Anyway, that's all I can think of right now, so unless I something start reblogging and adding more to the list, that's everything relevant. Feel free to ask more about that stuff and I'll tell stories like the weird uncles/dad friend that I am to people.

How the hell do I pin this-

#intro post #if you see these #hi :]

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lenteur · 5 months

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random thoughts about castaway diva, episode nine

(read more because i always get carried away lol and this post might contain spoilers)

Seeing bo geol confront his father reminds me of that time he blew up and shouted at him, telling him how he wished he left the family alone. He's courageous enough to face him and hopefully get rid of him. I'm still scared for him but he's the only one in the family who is able to do so. Even when he was a teenager, he was the one who told the truth to his father. Both the mom and the older brother were too scared of mr jung. It's heartbreaking to see him go there alone, even though he has a support system now. He doesn't want them to be hurt. Plus, add to that he's the one in the family who spent the longest time with mr jung. I'm rooting for him. I'm sure he can find a way to make the father leave them alone, but I'm still scared about his safety.

It's interesting how ki ho's decision to meet with mr jung was influenced by mok ha's words, stating how she was sad when her father p*ssed aw*y... It's also incredibly kind of her to put herself in her father's shoes, explaining how he too had a harsh past. Mok ha really is kind and empathetic. Even though she was a victim of ab*se, she still tries to defend her father, perpetrator of said ab*se.

And now we see bo geol repeat mok ha's words to his father. He said he should've lived a happier life and ignored his son who abandoned him. Manipulative behavior from the dad who keeps putting all the blame on his family, when he's the one that pushed them away because of his ab*sive behavior.

I'm so proud of my boy ki ho for outsmarting his biological father. But sad at the same time that he had to use such measures to prove he's been ab*sed for such a long time 💔 .

I find it sad that mok ha puts yoon ran joo before herself and she's willing to bow down at her and take all the criticism just because she's admired her for such a long time. Where is the fighting spirit she had when facing people like lee seo jun? I just want her to fulfill her lifelong dream of becoming a singer. No matter how close she is to ran joo, i don't want her to be so weak in front of her. She can stand up for herself. Mok ha has always been faithful and an incredible support system for ran joo. And to see ran joo take advantage of that by using harsh words directed at mok ha is hurting me too. I find it so unfair.

But at the same time (should become my catchphrase atp), I do understand how ran joo feels because she's been betrayed by a previous artist with a similar path to mok ha's (my bet's on that man is now eun mo rae's manager). She doesn't want to be disappointed a second time. It's true that she put her all into that artist and she now knows the consequences of such actions. However, that doesn't mean it'll be the same for mok ha. They could've sat down and had an adult conversation about mok ha's sudden decision.

Both women are suffering (for different reasons) which is why they're both emotional most of the time. But they're also two of the strongest women i've seen so I hope they make up and start anew with a better mindset.

Me? Don't mind me I'm being emotional because ki ho was finally strong enough to be vulnerable around mok ha. After such a long time putting up a front and acting like nothing happened, he's freeing himself of all that emotional burden that's been there for far too long. Also, we finally see mok ha comfort him after he was the one comforting her when they were kids 💗💗💗 I AM EMOTIONAL :(((

Ah, I was wrong Mok ha told him he'll never see mr jung again because she was the one who was going to take care of him. Now i'm scared for mok ha... Stop playing with my heart please!!!

I knew it! Eun mo rae's manager was the artist who gave up. I'm glad they gave him a backstory and gave us an explanation as to why he seems so harsh and cold.

Yoon ran joo still feels sorry for mok ha and wants what's best for her. I hope they can make up and mok ha starts thinking about herself too.

Seeing mok ha choose rnj ent and standing up for herself is a great thing to see. I really hope ran joo can be a part of her project.

I'm pretty sure stagnant water is either eun mo rae's manager. Edit: and i was right!

So happy to have so many mok ha singing moments. Park eun bin's voice is no joke.

I knew lee uk was doing something behind everyone's back when he overheard that bo geol went to see mr jung. I don't know what but I'm curious to find out.

BO GEOL RUN TO HELP MOK HA AND YOUR MOM THEY'RE IN DANGER!!!

First you're leaving me on a cliffhanger and now you're giving me that preview? How can I wait for the next episode? HOW???

I'll give this episode a 8.5/10

#i don't want anything to happen to my boy ki ho #but i know mr jung will do everything to break the family and take back all the control he had over them #the preview for episode 10 has me on the egde of my seat </3 #i really hope there's a happy ending to this drama #or else i'll riot #random(al) thoughts #kdrama #castaway diva

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vincent-sinclair-deserved-better · 1 year

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Esther Burr

Name: Esther Burr

Gender: Female

Pronouns: She/her

Age: 21

Height: 5’5”

Hair: Deep black, somewhere between curly and wavy, she likes to call it “untameable”, keeps it between shoulderblade and waist length. Usually has it in a ponytail.

Eyes: Blue

Distinguishing marks: Scar on the right side of her forehead, right by the hairline, from where she hit her head in the car accident. More, albeit faded scars on her back.

Style:

Sexual and Romantic Orientation: Asexual (sex favourable), Panromantic

Personality: Patient, Protective, Devout, Just, Manipulative (subconsciously), Hard-working, Observant, Self-righteous, Caring, Loyal, Forgiving, Honest, Family-oriented, Headstrong, Optimistic, Crafty, Self-conscious

Backstory: 941 words because I am out of control

As a child, she was the picture-perfect Christian girl. She did what she was told without questioning it, respected people older than her, listened to her parents – the kind of daughter everyone wished for. Her parents tried to keep her away from her older twin siblings Rahab and Immanuel who were considered “difficult”. People made sure to constantly remind her of how proud they – and God – were of her, and that the other children should strive to be like her. How lucky her parents were that she turned out “right” in comparison to her siblings. And to still remain alert and wary of temptation. But Esther didn’t have any doubts that she’d manage to stay on the right path.

Until one day, when she was seven years old, some of the other children in her Bible Study group got rowdy and made a mess of the room while the teacher was gone. They ran away right afterwards, while only Esther and one other child stayed to tidy up. However, when the teacher returned, they were yelled at – the other children had run to fetch her, saying that Esther was misbehaving, turning out to be just as much of a troublemaker as the twins. Esther, who had never been yelled at before, started to cry, which to the teacher was only more proof of her guiltiness.

Their parents and the Reverend were called, and all of the children were asked what had happened. When it was the whole group, the actually guilty kids stuck to their story – pointedly only blaming Esther. This led to the boy who had stayed behind with her also turning on her. With everyone against her, she didn’t dare say anything to defend herself, so she stayed silent.

Then they were sent to have an individual talk with the Reverend, and Esther finally had the chance to tell her version of the story. The Reverend said that it was okay, that he believed her and knew she wouldn’t do what she had been accused of. She felt like a huge weight dropped of her shoulders and left the room filled with relief. That was until they were told the ultimate consequences: all of them, the whole group, was to stay behind and help tidy the community centre every day for a month, have additional prayer sessions, and be disciplined by their parents upon returning home, after instructions given by the Reverend.

The reasoning was, supposedly, for it to be a lesson in humility and solidarity, to pick selflessness and altruism instead of focusing on one’s own gain, to stick together and stand up for each other instead of making one person the scapegoat. Yet, for Esther it had the opposite effect. What she learned was that, even when she did everything right and adults admitted to being aware of her innocence, she could still be punished. That despite not being part of a misdeed, she might still be chastised. And if punishment was dealt out so seemingly arbitrary, even affecting those who weren’t to blame, then why adhere to the rules? If having been good and proper for all her life up until that point couldn’t save her from her first harsh punishment, why keep up with it?

It was then that she started to understand her older siblings, and throughout the month she began to realise how the people around her had intentionally pitted the siblings against each other. By constantly praising Esther and reprimanding the twins, they had driven a wedge between them, and Esther decided it was time to fix it.

Gradually, over the next couple years, their relationship improved, much to the dismay of their parents. They saw it as the twins corrupting her, completely oblivious to the fact that it had been them who had pushed her away. And with every punishment, the chasm widened.

By the time she was fourteen, Esther and her siblings had grown quite close, she trusted them more than their parents or the Reverend even – and then they got into a car accident. Somehow, she survived almost unharmed, but the twins died. From one day to the other, Esther had lost the only family who she felt genuinely loved her, and her best friends.

Only half a year later, tragedy struck again when her mother died by falling from the church tower while cleaning. Then, when she had just turned eighteen, her father suffered a stroke and died shortly before her twentieth birthday.

Still, none of these events led her to lose faith. Instead, when she first began questioning what she had been told, she sought out the bible and started studying it herself. Not just listening and taking everything at face value like in Sunday school, she read and took notes and formed her own opinion. If the Reverend and priests and cardinals and everyone was allowed to cherry-pick phrases and tell the congregation what they wanted the people to believe, why shouldn’t she choose for herself as well

She realised there were a lot of contradictions or ambiguities in the bible, and additionally noticed that some of the things the Reverend and teachers said were flat out wrong. They misquoted lines or referred to verses that didn’t exist – at least not in the book or chapter they said. A lot of things were taken out of context but had a completely different meaning when looked at completely.

If anything, distancing herself from the community only made her faith stronger. She had been given the opportunity to discover the truth, to see behind the façade. Now she only had to find out what to do with it.

alternate moodboard:

#esther burr #alt timeline #work in progress #moodboard

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euelios · 8 months

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the way i say “(oh) brother” now instead of just shouting swear words

so weird to be—on the other end of “should i apologize?” usually i’m sitting here hoping for an apology or at least yk. “are you ok”

(i’m always ok. nothing is ever that bad or that real. it’s all drama)

i told my mom off about (inadvertently) making me feel like an incompetent shit every time i discussed moving out, like i wasn’t uncertain enough on my own. and she just went “that’s not what i meant and you know it” and like

jesus. no i know that. trust me i know. but that’s what happened. like that hurt then and it hurts now and i want you to take note of it for later when we have this conversation again

“why didn’t you just say what you meant why did you go on and on” uhh bc i didn’t know what the issue was and i was trying to work it out? because YOU go on and on and i don’t try to cut you off?? and also it’s not the moving that’s the issue it’s how you kind of keep reminding me of how bad i am at things???

(please just believe in me, and SAY so. you aren’t too harsh on me anymore but i don’t think i ever left that weird little kid behind. i didn’t always want to Be Better. i just wanted to be okay.)

and i could see her getting upset. by something i did. like that’s never happened before. me being the one upsetting her instead of the other way around. no one cried this time thank god. i’m the crier and it always makes her angry but this time she started getting defensive and i started getting angry and like—we’re just turning into each other

(not really. i don’t think i ever learned to defend myself against anyone. easier to just be wrong. john mulaney vc you could pour soup in my lap and i’d probably apologize to you)

but i could kind of see it. the connections. i’ve long since lost the whole “and my parents know everything” sheen but like on her end: yeah dude. i’m 21 years old. i’ll tell you lots but not everything. i’m absolutely going to get mad at you if you make me uncomfortable. you might not have ever had reason to think about how you get angry but boy howdy did i learn from the best—

(we talked about this one night. did i plan on kids? i’ll have them or i won’t, but only if i’m dead certain i’ll be a good parent. “i don’t think there’s a parent in the world who doesn’t love their kid,” she says and i feel charitable so i agree. but there are just too many ways to love someone wrong.)

this is kind of like, the parallel of those “would you be friends with your siblings if you weren’t siblings” “oh your parents are human too” like. no we wouldn’t be friends so i guess it’s good that we’re related. i love you and you make me so angry, and i’ll never have the guts to tell you how much of either.

(apparently none of my mom’s side ever got mad at their parents growing up. she says this like she’s proud of it but none of them speak to their parents now either. in that light i think i’ll call whatever we’ve got going on progress.)

#yum yum auden venting #auden.txt #just—off stuff. early 20s shit #with a little ✨artsy flair✨ i guess.#and by that i mean parenthetical interludes. what is this a fall out boy song #i need to get a therapist or SOMEONE i cannot just keep shouting into the void about this expecting it to help me #i don’t stan greta gerwig the way the internet does but maybe lady bird/little women/barbie back to back will fix me

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melodramaschild · 2 years

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𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐏𝐘 𝐒𝐄𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍

Navigation || Age limit: 14+

Summary: Talking about parents issues I guess

Warnings: a, htc, I had breakdown… Bon appetitty

Pairing: therapist Remus x patient reader

Read me: it’s written like this for a reason.

(❁ᴗ͈ˬᴗ͈) ༉‧ ♡*.✧

“It’s like I want people to care about me, but I know they don’t and I can’t pressure them.”

“That’s not true. I care.”

“Because I pay you.”

“…”

“I’m sorry. That was too harsh.”

“But you’re right. I wouldn’t probably never talk with you normally.”

“Why not? Am I really that ugly?”

“And now, now we see how obsessed you’re with the thought if you’re pretty enough for everyone to catch their eyes. But are you pretty enough for yourself?”

“…”

“Who are you trying to impress, hm? Because I noticed that you don’t a give a fuck when a guys at your age look at you but I noticed how you gave fuck when the two parents were here with their kid and they looked at you.”

“Mr. Lupin…”

“It’s okay, take your time… wanna change a topic and put this on the “thighs for later” list?”

“I… I don’t know. I can’t keep running from it.”

“I see, first baby steps. I’m proud of you, Y/n/n.”

“I… thank you…”

“Are you crying?”

“I’m sorry…”

“Don’t be sorry, that’s the part of the therapy to make you cry. Why are you crying?”

“Because you said that you’re proud of me. And I don’t care that you said that because I paid for it or just to make me feel better, it just made me cry.”

“When was the last time someone told you that they’re proud of you?”

“…”

“When was the last time your parents told you that they’re proud of you?”

“…”

“Y/N… when you were looking at those parents, what were you searching for?”

“… for a dad and present mom…”

“…”

“It’s just… the way he hugged his kid and the way she told the kid that he did a good job.”

“…”

“And I’m just so jealous because I want it too. I want my father to know that I still exist and I want my mother to care about me. She tells me that she loves me but she doesn’t even like me.”

“What’s up with your father?”

“Just didn’t see him for two years. I bet he forgot I exist.”

“Do you want to see your father?”

“No… does it make me a bad person?”

“Not at all. Why should you be there for your parents when they’re not here for you?”

“Because they’re my parents-”

“Gaslight and Stockholm syndrome, y/n.”

“What?”

“Let me give you a question…”

“Okay.”

“If your parents weren’t your parents, but maybe your schoolmates, would they be the kind of people you would want to spend your time with?”

“Well…”

“You can think about it, take your time.”

“No. I would pray to finish my school as soon as possible to get away from them.”

“See?”

“I'm actually doing that now with my mother. Being in her company is… exhausting.”

“I need you to understand that you don’t have to feel guilty for not liking your parents or wanting to cut them off right after you graduate, Y/n.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“You promise?”

“Pinky promise.”

“Mr. Lupin?”

“Yeah?”

“I just wanted them to like how I am. To like me for what I am.”

“And what are you?”

“I feel like I lost myself in times where I tried countless amounts of things to make them like me.”

“I want you to make a list of things you really enjoyed and what you liked about them.”

“Why do you think they never liked me?”

“Well…” Remus nervously grinned. “I really didn’t expect this question. You caught me out of guard. Why do you think they don’t?”

“I asked first.”

“Not fair.”

“It is…”

“I think that your parents are just dicks.”

“But they treat my siblings well, so… why not me?”

“Y/N… I hate to say it, but your parents probably didn’t want another child.”

“I know that my parents never wanted me…”

Bonus:

“You’re kinda noisy.”

“And you’re cheeky.”

“Do you want to fight with me and pretend that I’m your dad?”

“What the, no!”

“Why not?”

“Because I don’t like my dad and I… I like you.”

“You like me?”

“Shut up.”

“You only like me because you pay me for listening to your problems.”

*gasp* “You pulled the uno reserved card!”

“Yes, yes I did.” He laughed and lowered his head, desperately trying to hide his smile you brought to him.

#remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #robies mental health #therapist remus lupin

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jvstheworld · 6 months

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My Ted Lasso Re-watch: S2E1 (part 2)

Goodbye Earl

Ted thinking that the team's tie streak his karmic justice because of the end of last season. Or it could be that the team is missing something... A certain Prince Prick of All Pricks?.... Just saying.

Nate is really starting to get harsh with Will. It was a simple request to celebrate his mum's birthday and Nate acts like it's the worst thing ever. And it's only going to get worse. And Beard can tell that something isn't right.

Nate getting phrases wrong, pearl instead of diamond and then wonder kid instead of wunderkind.

Ted shouting yes to Beard calling Nate unlucky after their discussion of the word gives me life.

Ted is a Diane Sawyer fan. (I don't know who she is. I need to watch more films).

How does Ted come up with his Tedisms? Or how do the writers for the show come up with them? How do you fan fiction writers do it too? Also by the way, you Ted Lasso fanfic writers are awesome, I love reading your works, mostly the Ted related ones, because if I haven't made it clear, I love Ted. And the way some of you write him and how sweet he is and certain fixations on certain body parts (not being rude, I'm talking hands, chest and stomach) is just wonderful. May you continue to find inspiration.

Barkingham Palace is a great name for a dog's shelter, and I'd go there any day over Buckingham Palace. (I am not a fan of the Monarchy, which if my ex-RAF service man father hears about he will not be impressed).

To Earl, he was a good boy.

Empire Strikes Back - basically season 2 of this show. How would you explain the Luke and Leia thing when they are brother and sister? You can't hide that, it's on the Internet so kids will know about it before they watch the film, so how do you handle that conversation to first time viewers with questions?

Ted wanting in on girl talk. It's basically the same principle as the Diamond Dogs. Which he and Roy talk about later in the season.

Ted being a country music fan makes sense since he's a Midwestern boy. And who doesn't love Dolly Parton? But if it's an obvious and out there alias, doesn't that defeat the point of having one in the first place?

Roy's new coaching gig - 8 year old girls football team. He's great with kids and he doesn't hide who he is with them which makes them like him even more. Roy is just Roy all the time no matter who he is with.

Ms Bowen knows.

Roy likes hot chocolate. Good man.

Unlce Roy is proud of Phoebe's red card, because that's what he would do too.

We love Roy's feral look. Shame he had to get rid of it.

I want to see the full version of Roy's retirement press conference. I just need to.

Roy says fuck 5 times, shit 4 times and twat once, in his rant about being a football pundit.

Holy shit Roy! £1236, that is quite the tab. I wonder if that number is going to pop up again later? Wonder what Phoebe would spend that money on.

Dani's nightmare, poor guy. Though with a blood splatter like that he could be in an episode of Supernatural, or in a horror film, or The Boys.

The two women in Dani's bed are his girlfriends because he is in a throuple, as seen at the end of season 3. Hey, if they are happy then fair play to them.

Red hat to Planned Parenthood anything is bordering on yikes territory. Though as long as it doesn't have a certain phrases on it, you should be fine.

Ted wishing he was Keeley. In what way?

He wants in on girl talk, then why not? He's got the right enthusiasm for it. Like when he shouts 'Stamos' and talks about John's last name and then does his announcer voice. He's trying, bless him.

Sir. Theodore. How dare you look like that while looking at Rebecca! Don't be all fucking cute and adorable with your cute smile and head in your hand and listening skills.

Ted being late to practice because he was helping Rebecca pick nail polish colours. That is peak friendship right there. And he's so proud of wearing it too. And he would have had to wait for it to dry fully before going to training.

Dani's problem is a tragedy. Beard you undersold it, my guy.

Even Sam is done with Jan Maas.

Beard is always there to help Ted, even with Tom Cruise's hair styles in different films. Which Ted graciously accepts the correction. Unlike someone people *cough*nate*cough*.

Ted's sneakers are coordinated with his training gear. Just felt the need to point that out.

Okay, why would you stand in front of the guy who is struggling to kick the ball in the right direction? And not behind him? Because that ball hitting Ted's butt had to really hurt. Poor Ted butt. Get an ice pack of that. Does he need help rubbing it better? I swear I will stop one day. Though the friend I sometimes refer to in these posts told me I should include my thirst for Ted in these and I have. But this thing I have for a guy who is 21 years older than me is not going away anytime soon apparently. Damn my attraction to older men, and this one specifically. But it's fun to annoy my friend with it.

#ted lasso #rebecca welton #keeley jones #roy kent #nathan shelley #dani rojas #coach beard #ted lasso rewatch #tv show thoughts

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jemimaland · 11 months

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kindness 🐇

(something i’m still learning)

recently i’ve noticed that being kind is really hard, and being a bitch is pretty easy. not because we’re all evil at heart, and i’m not saying that we’re all going around being horrible to each other’s faces, but who hasn’t bitched about someone once? who hasn’t given a dirty look to someone they didn’t like? it’s natural, or at least if feels that way. because everyone does it, we feel that our actions are morally permissible. but i don’t think we should be kind for the sake of morality, i actually think that morality is an illusion but that’s a philosophical debate for another time, we should be kind because it is the best thing to be.

from a young age we get taught kindness in movies and books and tv shows and as we grow older we find that being kind doesn’t show immediate results. in fact, a lot of the time being kind leads to people taking advantage of your kindness and being mean. so you end up being mean back.

i used to pride myself on how harsh and cold i was, that i would never let anyone get to me, but i was insecure, afraid, and sad. my mum once told me i was ‘prickly’ like a cactus, and i was so proud of myself for that, as if it was a good thing that i would never let anyone get close to me. it’s still difficult not to revert back to my prickly nature a lot of the time, when somebody irritates me it’s hard not to say something snarky. and when i’m with my sisters it’s hard not to make risky, mean jokes for the sake of making them laugh. but i’m trying, and i’m trying for a few reasons:

i feel happier when i’ve done something kind. it’s a pretty selfish idea really, and one that isn’t new. but i’ve been so sick of feeling sad that i grasp onto anything that makes me happy, and going out of my way to be kind does that. giving money to a homeless person, volunteering to help out my parents and teachers more often, even smiling to people on the street. it’s a beautiful feeling, and one that i hope to develop.

the law of attraction. what you put out into the universe, the universe will give back to you in spades. when i was a mean, harsh person, i attracted mean, harsh people, which in turn would make me meaner and harsher, and so the cycle with continue. i don’t want to attract mean people, i want to attract kind people, so i will endeavor to be kind wherever possible.

being mean only showcases one’s own insecurities. when you’re mean about other people, you tend to feel worse about yourself. i want to feel beautiful and happy and light, negativity and cruelty drags down your energy. it’s almost like it shows in your face. i can tell i kind person from a mile away, same with a mean person. i want people to be able to tell that i am kind just by looking at me.

kindness is an act of bravery. as i mentioned before, being kind can sometimes mean that you’re faced with people who try to take advantage of your kindness. this has happened to my sister quite a few times, and it hurts me to see it. but kindness doesn’t mean cowardice. you can stand up for yourself and still be kind, and continuing to be kind throughout shows courage and strength of character.

to teach my children by example. i sometimes wonder if the reason why harshness comes so easily to me is because my mum showed me how to be harsh from a young age. i love my mum to bits, but i don’t have any memories of her being particularly selfless or generous. even though my dad shows these traits more, i am naturally more like my mum than not. i think that you can tell kids all you want to be kind, generous, selfless, etc. but if you don’t lead by example, they won’t do it, because they learn by copying you. so when i have children of my own i want to teach them good values by showing them.

#pink pilates girl #pink pilates princess #pink #self care #pretty #princess #self improvement #that girl #girly #glow up #kindness

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jokertrap-ran · 2 years

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[スタオケ] La Corda d'Oro Starlight Orchestra Main Story Chapter 1-6 Translation

*Starlight Orchestra Masterlist *Spoiler free: Translations will remain under cut *Main story tag will be #Main Starlight

Tomoharu: Hm-hmm… Maybe I should add a little more Vibrato here…

Tomoharu: Oh, senpai. When did you get here? I’m a little embarrassed to have an audience, but don’t you think I’ve gotten better?

⊳ Choice: You’ve gotten quite good.

Tomoharu: Hehe, well I did have someone go all spartan on me back then.

⊳ Choice: Looks like you’re starting to become serious.

Tomoharu: Heh, how harsh. But that strictness is what I like about you.

⊳ Choice: Better? I think you’re much better than better!

Tomoharu: Haha, you’re really too nice, senpai. You’re great at showering others with praise.

Tomoharu: I didn’t really like playing the Cello back when I was a kid. I just felt like I was learning it because I was made to.

Tomoharu: But the thought of giving it another shot, for real, did occur to me.

Tomoharu: If you hadn’t started an Orchestra, then perhaps I’d have never gotten the shove I needed.

Tomoharu: I’m glad that you pushed me in the right direction so that I could pick up the Cello again.

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

Tomoharu: Ah! Oh no, it’s time for work. I gotta go!

???: *sobbing* I’m so touched… I can’t believe that someone here finally awakened to the beauty of music!

???: YAYY! The world’s gotten a smidge brighter!

???: Huh? Why is this person staring here…?

???: N-No way. She can’t hear me… right?

⊳ Choice: I can.

???: Whaaaat? Y-Yikes! Seriously!?

⊳ Choice: I must be imagining things.

???: That’s right! You’re imagining things!

???: —Wait, no! I knew it! You CAN hear me!

???: Aw man, I can’t believe I got caught by a human! Lili-sama’s gonna give me an earful!

???: Eh? Is the cat talking?

???: What are you talking about? There’s no way a cat’s capable of talking! This isn’t a fairytale.

Nono: I’m Nono. I am a proud member of the Fatas!

Nono: This cat’s named Capella. She’s my partner!

Capella: Meow~

Nono: I’m really surprised to find a human who can see us Fatas.

Nono: W-What? Why do you look so confused? Don’t tell me… you don’t know anything about the Fata, do you?

⊳ Choice: I’ve never even heard of them.

Nono: Whaaat!?

Nono: *sob* …A fairy is lost to the world every time someone says that… around the area.

⊳ Choice: I’ve heard a little about them.

Nono: That sounds so ambiguous… but don’t worry! I’ll explain it all to you in a heartbeat!

⊳ Choice: I know everything about them.

Nono: Yeah, yeah! Of course, you know about us!

Nono: But, well… It’d be terrible if you misunderstood something, so I’ll just explain things to you just in case.

Nono: You humans may not be aware of us, but there are music fairies, known as Fata, in this world.

Nono: We, who love music, are born from the most beautiful of tunes and lurk around in many places!

Nono: Seiso Academy has been blessed by the music, so of course, there is an exceptional load of Fatas lurking.

Nono: What is it? What’s with that face? Do you think I’m lying!? I’m really, really, really, telling the truth here!

Nono: *sigh* Although, who would’ve thought this day would come? I’m absolutely elated that music is flowing through the halls of The Magnolia once more.

Nono: I’ve been entrusted to watch over this place… but ever since the Orchestra disbanded, I didn’t quite know what to do with myself…

Nono: This is all thanks to you having accepted that understandably shady invitation, Concertmistress!

Nono: I’ll do my best to help you, so please feel free to come to me for anything!

⊳ Choice: I’ll be relying on you then.

Nono: Yes, leave it all to me!

⊳ Choice: I’ll take note of that.

Nono: Hmm? Are you feeling dubious about what exactly a teeny tiny fairy like me can do?

Nono: Just a word of advice, the Fata are unbelievably strong! I mean, we can even use magic!

Nono: For example… Here!

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

Nono: *panting* H-How’s that? You must be shocked out of your wits, aren’t you?

Nono: Ehehe… Do hold lots of concerts and do your best to use music to move the hearts of the audience!

Nono: I’ll do my part to support you by making sure that everyone in the Orchestra is up and ready to participate with my magic or something!

Nono: Oh, and keep our meeting a secret. Bye!

Capella: Meow~

…The world sure is filled with mysteries…

☆ ━━━━━━━ ∘◦♬Main Starlight♬◦∘ ━━━━━━━ ☆

Previous Part: (Chapter 1-5) Next Part: (Chapter 1-7)

#金色のコルダスターライトオーケストラ #スタオケ #Starlight Orchestra #otome #Translations #Kiniro no Corda #La Corda d'Oro Starlight Orchestra #Main Starlight

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changingplumbob · 3 months

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Pancakes Household: Chapter 8, Part 4

In this part the eldest Pancake begins high school, unfortunately on career day. Then it's a trip to the dog part, despite the rain, because Bob needs to drum up customers!

Bob: Your mother said you wanted to chat, is everything okay?

Iggy: Yeah dad. It’s just..

Bob: You’re not just a boy?

Iggy: Wait what? How did you know

Bob: The make up was a clue. How did you do that eyeliner? The lashes are superb

Iggy: Thanks dad, youtube had tutorials. So today I’m feeling pretty non-binary, but that will change, and change again. It’s called being genderfluid, today I fit they/them pronouns

Bob: I’m glad you wanted to share who you are with me. Give your old dad a hug. Best of luck with your first day, I’m proud of you no matter what, got it?

Iggy: Got it. Thanks dad, I love you

First day of High School! Iggy sets out to find where on earth the principal is. Turns out he’s in the computer science class talking with the class 2 teacher.

Iggy: Hi, are you Mr Amarinth?

Mr A: Yes I am, how can I help you?

Iggy: Well it’s my first day and I’m not really sure what I should be doing

Mr A: Ah, you’re Mr Pancakes. Well, first up check for a locker, claim the one you want

Iggy: I’m not exactly-

Mr A: Then go find your teacher, she’s around here somewhere. It’s her job to let you know what is going on

Iggy: Okay but if we could swing back to-

Mr A: Now Mr Pancakes I do not have time to talk all day, important principal stuff

Iggy: *sighs* sure sir

Iggy went off to search the halls feeling somewhat deflated. They know that when their parents enrolled them they had put male student. Their parents hadn’t known then so Iggy couldn’t blame them. And judging from Mr A’s tone, he was not interested in getting to know the student body. They could only hope that their class teacher would be more understanding.

Iggy finally finds the person they’re looking for in the actual computer lab. Mustering their high confidence back together, they go over to introduce themselves.

Iggy: Hello, I think I’m your new student

Mrs Tinker: Oh, hello. Nice to meet you. I was told I was getting a new student but Mr Amarinth didn’t elaborate beyond that

Iggy: Oh, well… My name, at least for now, is Iggy. And Mr A didn’t have time to listen but I do prefer they/them pronouns

Mrs T: No problem. Let me know if anything changes and I’ll do my best to keep up

Iggy feels some relief at this. At least some adult at this school seems supportive.

Mrs T: Come on, come on, we’re already late starting

Amie: Sorry miss

Mrs T: Social studies. What is social studies really but the science of people?

Iggy does their best write notes and listen but they’re really trying to think up a new name. One that will fit them better, no matter which gender they feel like on any particular day. Their mind goes through all the books they read as a kid, wondering if any of them had suitable names. How did parents decide what their kids should be called anyway?

Iggy: What options do we have? Any Monte Cristo in stock?

Naveah: This isn’t the Ritz kid. We have slider options and tray options

Iggy: Then I’ll have some veggie sliders please…

Naveah: Oh I’m Naveah

Iggy: What a cool name! Maybe I should go with a colour

Iggy moves to a table and ponders this where Amie finds them.

Amie: Hey Ig, you ready

Iggy: Ready for what

Amie: It’s career day

Iggy: But we’re only 13, what can we possibly know about careers

Amie: That’s why we have it I guess

Career day and Iggy sped through the career check ins to make sure the teacher would stay off their back. Not that Mrs Tinker seemed like she would be harsh but Iggy was certainly not ready to start imagining adult life, they’d only just become a teenager after all.

After Iggy had checked in Mrs Tinker they drifted over to the arcade game where they were soon joined by friends Darwin and William.

William: Yo Igs, you found something cool?

Iggy: I guess, hard to find anything in all this clutter

Darwin: It’s to “inspire our young minds”

The three teens burst into laughter as Darwin’s impersonation and try their best to figure out how to work such archaic technology.

William: You thought of a new name yet

Darwin: I still vote Chaos the Destroyer

William: Dude, no. We're not characters in a video game

Iggy: Did you know our cafeteria lady is called Naveah? That’s cool right

Darwin: So you gonna steal her name

Iggy: No but it’s got me thinking about non traditional names. I can’t do standard gender neutral names because the save already has a Kelly, Charlie, Devin, Alex

William: Just don’t go calling yourself something like apple

Darwin: Oh, how about peach? If you’re thinking colours

William: Dude you are not serious

Iggy: Pretty sure I want something that’s not going to make me sound like a stripper

Darwin: Oh… yeah I hear that now

William: I mean, you read a shoot ton of books, there must be something in there that sounds cool

Iggy: Good point!

Darwin: How about Katniss

William: Pretty sure the idea is to sound less gendered

Darwin: and your cis self knows about that do you

William: It’s called being helpful dude, try it some time

William walks off despite Darwin insisting he is being helpful actually.

Darwin: Whatever you pick Pancakes, we’ll use. Flick us a text when you figure it out

Iggy: Thanks, you’ve given me stuff to think about. I think I have a top three now

Darwin: Sweet. Next time you see William tell him I am actually helpful

After school Bob and Iggy head to the park. Bob wants to see if a bake sale at a community lot will result in more customers so Iggy is here to keep Ginger occupied.

Bob: Are you going to be okay here

Iggy: Dad, I’m not 5, I’ll be fine

Bob: If anyone looks at you funny send them to me, I’ll slip an extra something into their fudge slice

Bob sets up but with the rain his gloomy self is not optimistic about the turn out. After filling an empty bowl for Ginger, Iggy sits down to do their homework. Fergus is off at drama club but there’s no cheer practice today.

Ginger is happily snacking away when I notice Clover is here watching. A quick scan about the park shows that Kaori has brought her. Despite the rain Bob has a line at his stall before too long. It’s the best way to move the baking that he has had to do to level his skill, if sims buy.

Iggy: Okay Ginger, that’s my homework all done. Time to practice some cheer

Ginger: *yaps* Umm what about me

Iggy: Do you want to play huh? I suppose this is technically the dog park

Ginger: *yaps* damn right it is

Ginger: *yaps* tell me your problems human, I’m smart, I shall solve

Iggy: Well I had a bunch of name ideas, how do parents pick names? There’s so many

Ginger: *yaps* beats me

Iggy: But I think I’ve found one that… well I’m kind of in love with, so that’s a good thing right

Ginger: *yaps* indeed, tell me your new identity

Onyx: I’m Onyx *laughs* yeah, I’m Onyx

Ginger yaps her approval and after a snuggle Onyx begins trying to teach her how to fetch.

Bob manages to get a steady stream of sims throughout the afternoon despite the downpour. When Fergus arrives from drama cub he eagerly dives into the playground, despite things being slippery. For the most part Onyx and Ginger manage to stay under cover but for some of the longer throws they have to brave the rain. With Eliza’s shift almost done the family pack up and head home.

Eliza: How was the first day of high school then?

Onyx: Mixed bag. The principal was quite busy but my classroom teacher, Mrs Tinker, seems nice. She agreed to use my pronouns

Eliza: As she should

Onyx: But we only got one class then it was career day

Bob: Oh I’ve done a few of those

Onyx: I wish you had been there today dad, the speakers were so boring. I didn’t want to do any of the options

Eliza: You’re still young, you’ve got all the time in the world to figure it out

Onyx: I have figured out something though. A name that sounds more… me

Bob: What is it?

Onyx: I was thinking… Onyx. Although I won’t mind Nyx for short

Eliza: Onyx… I like it

Bob: Definitely better than a name I could come up with. You know when you were born I wanted to call you-

But luckily Bob sees Eliza shaking her head and stops that sentence before he spills the beans.

Fergus: You should have picked a cuss word, it would have been hilarious

Eliza: Fergus, Onyx doesn’t need a hilarious name. They want a name that suits them

Fergus: But imagine the prank possibilities!

Onyx: Aren’t you meant to be proper

Fergus: Sometimes

Onyx: Look I just wanted to say, to all of you really, thank you for accepting who I am

Bob: Kid, we love you. That’s what family does

Onyx: Not all family. I know how lucky I am to have you, that’s all

That night Eliza tries shooing Ginger before she and Bob woohoo but Ginger is feeling clingy and refuses to leave the room. Pets.

Fergus: Hey Onyx, I was wondering…

Onyx: Is this a real question or a nonsense question

Fergus: Well now I want to ask two questions

Onyx: Fine, go ahead

Fergus: Can I have your old bike AND what do sheep wear to the beach?

Onyx: Sure and I don’t know, what do they wear

Fergus: A BAAkini, get it

Onyx: Yeah I’m not using that in my future comedy sets

Eliza: Morning kids

Fergus: Hey Mother, can I have some help

Eliza: What with

Fergus: Well some kid in my class was giving out birthday gifts. As in, it was their birthday so they got each of us a gift

Eliza: Hold on Fergus, your dad and I do not have the money to do that

Fergus: I’m not asking you to. Anyway mine sucks. What do I do? Try to enjoy it? Give it back?

Eliza: Tell you what, you give it to me and I’ll return it to the store. Then you can get something else

Fergus: Genius

Previous Part ... Next Part

#sims 4 #the sims 4 #the sims #Rotation8 #ChangingPlumbobStorytime #PancakesHousehold #BobPancakes #FergusPancakes #OnyxPancakes #ElizaPancakes #simblr #IggyPancakes #R0805

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macaroni-rascal · 6 months

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Oh I am watching everything and taking names. Nobody is safe from my fashion takes this weekend, I don't have to work until Tuesday. I could go back and cover whatever I missed if you guys want, was it only the pairs SP?

The women's event was such a struggle in the outfit department. Before I say anything, I'd just like to emphasize that I'm not dragging the girls themselves, most of them are teenagers and we all know what they go through in this fucking sport. No, who I have beef with is the grossly overpaid adults in their lives who are advising them or even outright controlling what they do and wear. I might have to do this in 2 parts, we'll see.

Seoyeong Wi, sigh. There's a reason no one has managed to make a truly successful P&P 2005 program when even Marina tried - the soundtrack is too short and too specific to the scenes (as any good soundtrack should be). They just played a light and bright piece before a tense and very much period-sounding one and called it a day, no transition, no nothing. A composer would have to sit down, deconstruct and have an orchestra re-record a bespoke P&P program for it to work. The dress, while okay, had nothing to do with the theme, and muted neutrals just don't look great against the cool white of the ice and the harsh TV lighting.

Nini, my long-suffering child. Her mom better pray our paths never cross. Wildly inappropriate music choice and opening pose for a 16yo. The outfit I can only describe as goth Coachella. Great body alignment and mechanics into the elements but knowing the expense at which it came kinda ruins it for me. I hope she can be free and fly away one day soon.

Clare - yet another Tammy victim. Why is the V in the front of the dress so sharp and deep when the one on the back is much softer and rounder? What are those bedazzled flowers at the hip and why do they exist? Why the second strap across the hips? The dress is a strawberry macaroon, it does anything but elongate her lines, and the music is equally saccharine. They should've kept her in junior.

I'm so proud of Mana's dress for surviving that tiger attack to be here. No, but seriously, who did this? The color isn't the worst but paired with the black edges and the not-quite-matching mesh, it's a hard miss. Don't even get me started on the music - she was skating through it, not to it, and disappointingly, this wasn't the only case of electronic music that would be playing at a daytime DJ gig in a riverside cafe in any major city in the world rn. It only made sense after I saw her coach wearing a crocheted blanket over a checkered tablecloth.

Hana - god help me. I actually thought the cut was great, it really flattered her figure, but why that color, why that pattern, and most importantly, why the randomly placed black straps? Ka2sh straight to jail for the music choice too, did she even listen to the lyrics? Bury this song next to Big Spender, if you ask me. We've seen so many programs trying to replicate the success of Wakaba's Energia and just falling flat, just give up already, none of you are Shae-lynn or Wakababy.

It's awful that I knew Mone was skating to Dark Eyes as soon as I saw her in the warmup. The top of the dress is at war with the bottom, the sleeve length is truly random, and why are we doing a Russian song this particular season? The top is overbeaded like last year and I was worried it would rip under the arms every time she lifted them. I like the shape, movement and length of the skirt but it's all just sooo outdated, I'm literally begging these coaches to not underserve these talented girls like this.

I'll be back with Part 2 after I put myself through the men's event.

Fasionista nonny!

Agreed on you caveat, I have gotten lots of weird/angry messages from people when I criticize anything about young women's skaters under the guise of 'they are just kids' as if I am attacking them personally just because I think their jump technique is bad.

I think one day a 2005 Pride and Prejudice program will be possible, the music cut just has to be right, as you said. Clare 100% should still be juniors, she wasn't ready for this. I did not understand the Mana dress or music choice, she is not performing to it, the movements don't match the music, there was a weird dissonance on the ice the entire program, she just had a bland smile on her face the whole time. I actually liked Mana's dress, I just wish there was no blue on the bottom, that was weird, should have just made it simple black.

#konner talks skating #fashionista nonny

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m3ntalmotha · 11 months

Text

Coming Sweet Pea

I had a mental 'ah-ha' moment. I am only as good of a mother as I try to be.

Hear me out. Growing up in the 90s, early 2000s was weird. My parents really didn't know what the fuck they were doing. And fuck did it show. Which brings me to my point, my mother always had the phrase "fake it till you make it". I have never really understood how damaging that phrase is until just recently. Fake it till you make it really makes light on people pleasing qualities. I'm fairly certain there are underlying undiagnosed mental disorders that run in my family. My brother and I joke all the time about my dad being autistic. My oldest brother, we will call him 'Brian', he might have a touch as well but being the "Dr" that he is, I'm sure he's figured that out for himself and already has it working in his favor. Now I am nowhere normal. Not even in the slightest. I have ADHD pretty sure, social anxiety, depression, pretty sure binge eating disorder, and BPD. Needless to say, the mental stability does not run in this family.

Why is it easier to talk about all of this stuff with you, but not with my family? Great question! My parents love doing this thing were they ignore feelings, re-enforce weird structure and then huff and puff that "I did everything for you and this how you talk to me" cry me a fucking river. I'm a parent now. And the only joy I get from my child is seeing her grow into the person she wants to be. Everything I do is with selfless love behind it. No parent is going to get a trophy for taking care of their child. That's is what a literal parent is.

*breath* .....ranting. Do you see what I mean by unresolved issues?

If you are new here, I have this issue where I go on tangents. I do my best to stay on topic.

So what does this all have to do with my ah-ha moment? I'm getting to is, just trust your Motha!

We take what happened in our childhood in our adult life. Some change it, some their life changed them, and some stay stuck in it. What I mean by "I'm only as good of a mother as I try to be" is this simply. Try. Try to understand your kinds interests. Try to have patience and listen and understand their words. Especially when they are younger. I have learned through my life of dealing with people that most problems are issues of communication. When I sat back and tried to understand why my daughter was having a tantrum, I was able to actually get her to calm down and explain to me the best way she could what was wrong. To me, that opened up our relationship. Something that happened today. As I was sitting here typing to you lovely babies, she is asking me for help with her tiger.

Back story. My daughter is VERY smart. She can figure things out pretty quickly and learns fast. What I have discovered in all of this is: IF YOU GIVE HER THE TIME OF DAY TO SHOW HER SOMETHING THEN SHE CAN ACHIVE A LOT MORE ON HER OWN.

The reason for my screaming isn't for any real reason other than I wanted to just yell it out to the world. I figured out how to apply "teach a man to fish..."

She asked for help with her tiger and I always help start her projects but never do the whole thing for her. I want her to know she has my support and love but she is getting big enough to handle a lot more on her own. Seems kind of harsh, but we are talking about air model clay with picture instructions for kids her age. Not laundry or space science. You should see the look on her face when she showed me her tiger.

That is what I love about being a parent. Seeing your child be excited and proud to accomplish something that was once impossible to them. And I didn't do it all for her, I just helped her on a part that she needed me. Guidance can be gentle and given while being structured and firm.

This isn't some blog to lecture or tell someone else how to parent or whatever. I am simply telling myself that I am doing everything I can for my child and her needs. From what the experts say, it's good to let yourself feel the good. This is me feeling the good.

And weirdly enough, it's healing me. My inner child has been given some time and space.

I don't spoil my child with things. I chose to spoil my child with experiences. Zoo? Yup! Big hikes? YUP! Trips to towns over? Fuck yes. I want her to grow up having memories of road trips with mom and dad, summer vacations, and lazy days at the pool. I want her to live her life while she can right now because once responsibilities hit life speeds up.

Be well my babies, and rememba, Motha always loves you,

-Motha

#mother #music #film #stay tuned #mental instability #mental #struggle

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