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v3nusxsky · 1 year

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Hii! Can I request a platonic lady lesso x reader fic w reader being unfocused or asleep in lady lesso's class so lady lesso gets annoyed with them and makes them stay after class and she's halfway into scolding r bc they're wasting their potential by not focusing etc but notices r is actually exhausted/burnt out and then afterwards it's a bunch of comfort and assurance? Probably include migraines/anxiety, I really needed this one! I've been so stressed lately 😭

Hello dear anon, I hope this finds you well and provides you with a bit of comfort. I’m so sorry you’re stressed darling remember to take a breather and look after yourself okay?

I'm here

*Authors note~ loving writing these requests:)*

Trigger warnings~ anxiety attacks

Prompt ~ see the ask

Your head was pounding. In fact it had been all morning. Your concentration during your morning classes had been non existent. You were certainly having a hellish time of it and not the enjoyable kind. But being a Never, you tried to hide it and appear strong. If you're honest you knew it was getting bad. Of course you did. But Nevers can't show weakness, so you push it away and try to muster up the ability to carry on with your days. Your migraines stem from your anxiety that is bubbling away on the inside. Anxiety is a strange feeling. When you say anxiety people often assume your running around muttering about everything you could be worried about or having a screaming crying meltdown. Well in fact your anxiety attacks were nothing like that. Your anxiety attacks came in the forms of shaking of limbs normally hands and legs, migraines, heart palpitations and dizziness. All symptoms that could be easily overlooked.

You lost count of the sleepless nights now. It must have been days since you actually slept through the night. And the night terrors honestly hell would be more preferable. Or even a night in the Doom room with Lady lesso. Anything over the torture your own mind creates. This morning you were feeling rather delicate, the exhaustion and anxiety getting to you. You somehow managed to get yourself ready for the day and down to breakfast. Opting to keep yourself isolated due to lack of energy you grabbed some fruit and headed to the corner of the food hall. A book in your hand you managed a few bites of the apple before abandoning it in favour of reading your book. Your exhausted brain causing you to re read the same paragraphs over and over just to retain the information there. Today is simply going to be unbearable.

Your first class was Uglification, which you managed to survive rather easily. After all it was just dunking your head in a bowl and having accept how you looked afterwards. The uglier the better. Your bowl was a little off so you didn't achieve the best look but it wasn't bad enough to get a fail. You're second and third class we're a blur. Hardly really being able to stay present. Between feeling yourself give into the exhaustion and your anxiety keeping you awake you felt helpless. After all how on earth could you continue like this? You were feeling on the verge of a burn out. Honestly you could just crawl into bed and not move. Ever. Hide away from the world. From everything.

Unfortunately for you today, you had a double curses and death traps lesson. The one lesson all Never's dread. The one lesson that the dean of evil happened to teach. Now she was known to be exactly what her moniker suggests, and she did not take any nonsense in her lessons, only the best was accepted in her class. And her methods to achieve the best were frowned upon by the Ever teachers. They thought it to be cruel and barbaric, but Lesso explained early on, this is just the way it has to be. Never's can't be broken down easily, that makes the hero's jobs in our stories too easy. You desperately tried to hide any forms of weakness from the women, knowing she'd see it as a reason to toughen you up. And if your honest the Doom room absolutely petrifies you. Never actually experienced it yourself but you heard enough stories to live in fear of the room.

This is why you sat in your first hour with Lesso desperately trying to fight your own body and mind, you needed to be in control here. Yet you honestly felt like dying. It was all too much. The light seeping I'm from the windows seemingly too bright and her voice too loud for your sensitive head. You noticed the tale tale sign of your anxiety flaring once more. Your leg bounced under the desk your hands shook as you attempted to note down what was being taught. Words began to blur together and you knew you were screwed. Knowing that fact made it all seem to spiral further out of your control. The fear of the punishment overwhelming you and adding panic into the mix of whirling emotions and thoughts. At this point you could feel your body and sense slipping away from you.

The smack of a cane hitting the wooden desk caused you to shoot up and snap your attention to your fiery red head professor. She was clearly speaking. Lips moving but no sound reaching your ears. She looked furious with you. Well fuck. You were going to die. She knew. You could see it in her eyes. The disappointment and anger that one of her Nevers would be so god damn weak. Immediately you stood and fled the room. Not caring about your stuff, or the consequences just needing to find air. A safe and calm space. Before you realised it you were running, no destination in mind. Chest heaving as it brought you the gardens. The flowers and running water sounds attempting to ground you. You slowly walked through the gardens attempting to regain control over yourself once more. Reaching the familiar hiding spot you immediately took up residence there. The red roses hiding your tiny form as you rocked yourself to pass through the other side of the attack.

Your chest heaving, heart feeling as if someone had their hand in your chest and were squeezing it, head absolutely banging, you really needed to calm yourself before you passed out. You made the short distance to the fountain to stick your hands in the cold water. Really a strange sight for others to walk in on but you couldn't care less. Cold water is typically a good method of shocking your body back to its normal senses. Which this proved. Your hand in the fountain is what was slowly guiding you through the end of your attack when lesso found you. You had missed your second hour of class which was rather unlike you. After all you're her best student, so naturally she had waited the hour out before setting out in a search for you. She'd tried all your known spots but no luck so the gardens was a last resort which she was relieved to see you here. She approached you carefully not wanting you to flee once more.

"Y/n? Little one? What happened in there?" Her tone was somehow softer but still held it's usual demanding manner. You jumped startled by the extra presence before you crumbled and immediately crawled back to your hide away in between the flowers. Immediately the older women noticed how you had curled yourself up as small as possible and hidden from her, all clear indications that you were not feeling safe. Despite evil being in her title she wasn't heartless, she just wished more people realised that. All her Nevers were her family and she'd do anything to protect you all from serious hurt. And this right here was one kind of hurt she knew she couldn't protect you from. The clear torture of your own mind. And if you were scared of her then her presence would only prolong the attack. You watched as the older women was internally battling with herself before she came to kneel in front of you cane on the floor and hands on her knees. She could now see the rapid rise and fall of your chest which was concerning. "Little one can you try to slow your breathing?" Her tone almost as soft as these petals. Uncharacteristic but not unwelcome.

"Can I ?" She tailed off but her hands showing just what she was asking. You nodded and allowed her to rest her hand above your heart. She could feel the unsteady beats, way too fast to be considered normal and even skipping or adding an extra heat in places. "Little one what's got you in such a way? " she hummed mostly to herself before removing her hand and offering an embrace which you accepted quickly. Lady lesso almost toppled backwards with the force that you flew into her arms with. There in her arms you broke. All the pain and exhaustion finally at it's breaking point. Sobs forcing themselves through your exhausted body as you were held and rocked by the dean. Never in your life would you have imagined this side of the women but now you were experiencing this side of her you couldn't help but admire her. She truly was an amazing role model for all Nevers.

You didn't know how long you sat in her embrace and truthfully you didn't care. This is the most content you've felt in weeks. Your body sagging with exhaustion as you battled to keep your eyes open. Her soothing motions of rocking and the hand gently rubbing at your back calming you in a way you'd expect from a mother. Your pain in your head had worsened significantly since your crying and now it was hard to see. You whimpered in pain gaining the deans attention. "Little one? What is it?" She immediately looked you up and down trying to find the source of your discomfort. "Head.. can't see... sorry" you mumbled almost incoherently. "Oh little one I'm sorry I didn't realise this sooner. I'm sorry" she murmured moving to stand with you in her arms as well as holding her cane. How was that even possible?

Lesso carried your exhausted body back into the school and into your dorm, where she placed you on your bed pulling a blanket over you. She then set about to get a glass of water and some painkillers we set on your bedside table before she sat next to you on the edge of your bed. Immediately her hand found it's way through your locks in a soothing manner. Her slender fingers lightly massaging the scalp hoping to lure you into a slumber. "My darling?" Was all she whispered out into the empty room. You couldn't even reply with words all you managed was a sleepy hum. "You're doing an amazing job. Your grades are perfect. You're my best student. Next time you feel yourself struggling like this... will you come to me? I'll try my best to help you I just don't want you to struggle alone like this little one." She reassured you sighing in a relief when you nodded and promised to come to her next time. Because you both knew this wouldn't be a one time thing. Anxiety happens to be something that likes to read it's head more often than once or twice. With that you gave into the exhaustion just feeling her fingers in your hair as you drifted off. The dean of evil has the biggest heart you just have to look past the title.

In the future you did in fact go and seek out lady lesso when things became overwhelming for you, she was always there with a hug and comforting words. Never once were you punished for this as it's not something you can control. This happened for the rest of your time at the school and even after when the schools merged and you joined the staff. Lesso had become and honorary mother of sorts for you. A fact that neither of you minded.

Word count ~ 2011

*Authors note ~ i actually love this one so much *

#lady lesso #sfgae #fanfic #leonora lesso #dean of evil #lady lesso x reader #leonora lesso x reader #lesso x reader #ask answered #fluff #asks are always appreciated #anon asks #keep the asks coming

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brunchbitch · 2 years

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ugh ugh ugh

so i’ve now been working out at my gym for eight weeks. about every eight weeks, they do a fitness assessment to see how you’re progressing. i know right off the bat that’s a bad idea, but i was curious to see how my overall strength and endurance have improved. unfortunately, they also do an “in body analysis” which measures your weight, body fat, muscle mass, etc. could i have done the fitness assessment without the in body analysis? probably! did i ask for that? nope! and my weight has gone up. i’m not sure about my body fat or muscle mass bc i need to go over the info with someone, but i saw my weight and i obviously knew it was higher than when i started. i’ve had worse body image the last few weeks and felt like i had gained weight, but i challenged the thoughts as probably a distortion. but it turns out i have gained weight! and i’m having a hard time with it!

immediately i started making plans for restricting and how i’m going to cut out added sugars and processed foods and how i can just say that it’s to decrease inflammation, which i have thought about doing anyway, but now it feels like i have a good excuse to do it. they also offer nutrition counseling at the gym which usually comes with working with a trainer and obviously i said no to that, but now i feel like maybe i should so i can lose some weight and UGH it’s so stupid my life is so so so much better than it ever was in my ed and i am with the love of my life and probably will get engaged soon and i’m halfway through my masters program and i can recognize all these great things about my life but I STILL WANT TO LOSE WEIGHT AND BE THIN and it’s so goddamn annoying. i have zero interest in ever ending up back in ed treatment but i’m telling myself that it won’t get that bad, that i’ll just lose 10 or 15 pounds but healthily and then i’ll stop.... which i have told myself at the beginning of most of my relapses lol. also told myself that last time i relapsed and then i ended up in the hospital with metabolic acidosis and brain swelling from a thiamine deficiency so... ugh. on the struggle bus. any advice or ass kicking is always welcome if you feel so obliged.

#tw ed #body image #weight #tw numbers #personal

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pappydaddy · 4 years

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A Lumberjack and A Mullet ii (b.h.)

A/N: This is the requested second part to A Lumberjack and A Mullet. This piece still references a bad home life and child abuse. However, this is going to focus more about Billy and the reader finding safety and happiness in each other, but unfortunately, there will be mentions of the abuse. Once again, this is not a good depiction of someone suffering through this situation since I am once again trying to keep this on the lighter side of things.

Disclaimer: This is an imagine that involves a very sensitive topic. This imagine contains mentions of child abuse, violence, and an unhealthy home life - please read with caution. Reader’s discretion is advised.

Pairing: Billy Hargrove x Fem!Reader

Show/Movie: Stranger Things

Requested

Loosely inspired by Sparks Fly by Taylor Swift bc I was listening to it when I started to write it and this happened.

Part One | Part Two -You’re here! | Part Three

Warnings: Mentions child abuse, violence, and an unhealthy home life. Reader’s discretion is advised.

masterlist | taglist | wips | navigation

Here are some resources from child abuse advocates:

- Child Maltreatment from World Health Organization - Children Rights Organizations in Canada/some U.N.

If you or anyone you know faces the issues/treatment addressed in this imagine, please, please know that you are not alone, that someone out there can help you and understand what you are going through. Please never hesitate to reach out to organizations and advocates in your area. My DMs are always open for anyone who needs someone to talk to. Once again, please reach out to someone if you need help - there are tons of people to help.

- not my gif -

Billy Hargrove wasn’t a good idea. He was a heartbreaker, a playboy of great proportions, everyone saw it. Many have fallen victim to his charming ways and were left with their hearts bleeding in their hands. Even Y/N’s friends (who were far from angels themselves) were warning her about him, but they didn’t see the Billy she saw. Somehow, in that fateful Saturday detention, they managed to break each other’s walls down with a smile. The tenderness in his touch shocked Y/N when they first held hands, but it shocked her, even more, when he had the same tenderness when he had held her in his arms for the first time.

They had become dependent on each other. They were each other’s safe space. Even now, as Y/N cowered in the corner of her darkroom, flinching every time her father’s fist collided with the weak wood separating them. The wood cracked, it was only a matter of time until the door finally broke. Standing on shaky legs, Y/N trusted her gut - knowing that she had to get out of there in the case today was the day that the door gave out under the strong punch of her father. Her heart thundered, drowning out the thump of knuckles against the splintering wood as she grabbed her book bag. Slipping on her raincoat, she yanked open the window. A few raindrops fell through the open window, but she slipped through anyway, pulling the hood over her hair.

The night was darker than normal for ten at night, the rain clouds attempting to smother the moon’s light. The drop from her room was scary, her room being on the second floor and all. Her bag hit the wet grass before she eased herself out the window, her fingers gripping the ledge in terror. The soles of her converse kept slipping against the wet siding - her fingers becoming slick as rain pounded them. Squeezing her eyes closed, she kicked off the side of her house, her grip finally letting go of the ledge. For a moment, she felt weightless as she plummeted to the ground, her knees bent in anticipation of meeting the ground. With a squish, her feet met the wet grass, water splashing up on her ankles as she let out a hiss, her ankles stinging from the impact.

Without a second thought, she slung her book bag over her shoulder and booked it to the nearest payphone. Despite it being quite a ways away, it was still closer than Billy’s house. As rain pelted down on her, drenching her raincoat, she felt warm tears slipping down her face - a stark contrast from the cold rain. The phone booth door rattled as she pulled it open, slipping into the clear booth. She took another breath, watching the raindrops fall, the yellow light from the streetlight casting down on the lonely booth. As her eyes followed the racing raindrops down the plexiglass, she thought about Billy - trying to halt her tears and trembling body.

They had just finished another Saturday detention, once again ending up sitting on the hood of Billy’s car just like they had for the past three months. Y/N sipped at her soda, tucked under Billy’s arm as he leaned against his windshield. The winter months were melting away just like the snow that had covered the group a few weeks ago. Y/N leaned against Billy’s chest, the pair watching the stars as they sat in content silence. “Do you want a sip?” She suddenly asked, craning her neck to look at Billy, twisting to practically lay beside him as she extended the almost gone soda to him.

He dropped his eyes from the twinkling stars to look at her. “Sure, are you done with it?” He asked, gently taking the fast-food cup from her.

She nodded, her hand falling to rest on his chest, her head resting on his shoulder as she gazed up at him. “Yeah,” His strong jaw clenched as he took the straw between his lips, drinking the rest of the lukewarm soda. She smiled at him when he glanced down at her, leaning down to press his lips against her in a peck. Y/N hummed against his lips, her legs wrapping around one of his jean-clad legs. “I never want this to end.” She stated, her other hand coming up to twirl one of Billy’s blonde curls around her finger.

“Never want what to end?” Billy asked, his deep voice rumbling in his chest. She sighed at the feeling of the vibrations in his chest, his large hand tracing random shapes on her hip.

“This. You and I laying here,” She clarified. “I never want to go home.” She muttered the hand that once rested on his chest reaching down to pick at the blanket Billy had thrown over them in an effort to keep them warm longer.

“Pretty soon, that won’t be your home, I’ll be your home,” Billy told her, squeezing her closer to him. She hummed, pulling the blanket up farther before laying her hand back on his chest. “After we graduate, and I mean right after we graduate, we’re loading up my car and heading to California to start our life together.”

“Do you really think I’m California material?” She asked, peering up at him again.

“I know you are.” He replied confidently.

That’s another side of Billy nobody but she saw: the dreamer. He had big dreams of moving back to California someday, getting back into surfing. She sighed, peeling her drenched bag off her back. Pulling out a few quarters, she slipped them into the payphone, picking up the receiver before quickly dialing the number she knew by heart. Instantly, she heard the ringing as she drummed her fingers against the phone, glancing over her shoulder. She always felt like she was in a horror movie when she was out during the night, especially when she stood in a phone booth at night. “Hello?” A young voice spoke through the phone, making Y/N let out a breath.

“Hi, Max. Can I talk to Billy, it’s important.” She rushed out to the younger girl, recognizing the voice immediately.

“Yeah, just a second.” She answered her. Y/N could hear Max faintly call for Billy, saying that she was on the phone for him. She supposed Neil was out since Max was the one answering the phone. It was only a few beats of waiting until she heard the shuffling of Max trading the phone off to Billy.

“Hello, babe, what’s up?” He asked. Y/N could already see him leaning against the wall by the phone in a white wife-beater, the phone pinched between his shoulder and his ear, his arms crossed over his chest with a smile on his face showing off his perfect teeth.

“I need you to pick me up, I jumped out my window.” She rushed out, trying not to get distracted by the visual of him. She heard him jolt on the other end.

“Where are you, I’ll come to get you right away.”

“The payphone, the one I usually call you from.” She told him, knowing that he knew which one she was talking about.

“Okay, stay in the booth, I’ll be there in a few minutes.” With that, he hung the phone up, but Y/N wasn’t offended. This was how it normally went when she called him to pick her up. He would always hang up right away, her safety being the only thing he worried about. He would drop everything run to her. She silently hung the phone up, leaning her back against the plexiglass. Closing her eyes, she listened to the rhythmic sound of rain hitting it. A ghost of a smile stretched onto her face as another memory flooded her mind.

Billy held her in his arms as they laid on the grass. They watched the fireworks, their faces lighting up with each explosion of colour in the sky. Her hands gently played with his hair absentmindedly. It was the Hawkins’ Fall Festival, armed with games, fireworks, fall-themed foods, and an overcrowded field. Even though they were camped out far away from the festival itself, they still marveled at the extravagant fireworks it had. “Pretty good third date, huh?” Billy’s voice interrupted the fireworks, making her turn her head from the loud pops. She was shocked to see him already looking at her, his eyes soft as they flicked over her face.

“An extremely good third date,” She corrected him, pressing a kiss to his cheek before settling back to watch the remaining fireworks. “The Fall Festival has never been so enjoyable for me. Thank you.” She whispered not lifting her head to look at him as she spoke, her eyes dancing across the dark sky the colourful sparks fell - fading out completely before they fell to the ground.

She felt his arms tighten around her, then his lips pressing a gentle kiss to the top of her hair. She signed instinctively, melting into his warm embrace. “You don’t have to thank me,” Billy spoke against the top of her head, his lips lingering as he took in the scent of her shampoo. “Did you put perfume on to the top of your head?” He asked, pulling away as he caught a strong whiff of her perfume - a scent that drove him crazy and sends his mind whirling.

“Yeah,” She admitted quietly before looking up at him defensively. “I read about it in Cosmo so I wanted to try it out, what are you going to do about it?.”

Billy let out a barking laugh, squeezing her affectionately as she started to laugh along with him. “You’re adorable.”

The sound of Billy’s car pulled her from the memory. Fluttering her eyes open, she was met with the blinding lights of his car speeding towards the booth. With a squeal of his tires, he pulled over to the curb. Grabbing her bag from the ground, she pushed the door back open. In a blink of an eye, Billy was out of the still-running car and wrapping her in a hug. Her bag dropped to the wet concrete as her arms settle over his shoulders, his hands pressing into the small of her back to press her flush against his body.

They clung to each other, hands fisting each other’s clothes. “I am so glad you’re okay.” Billy murmured into her neck as he swayed them gently. Her smaller hands let go of his rain jacket, her hands resting on his jaw to pull his face from her neck, their eyes meeting.

“I’m always going to be okay as long as you’re with me.” She whispered. Not even a second later, his lips were on hers, the force of the kiss nearly knocking her over. Automatically, her fingers buried themselves into Billy’s soaked curls as their lips moved together, pouring all their love into the kiss. Fireworks exploded within them, just like they exploded in the sky the night of the Fall Festival.

She knew people said that Billy wasn’t a good decision, that she should run, but she also knew that she would never run and that he was the best decision for her. The was abundantly clear now as his lips caressed hers with the utmost care and love, his hands holding her as if she’d break if he held her any tighter.

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #billy hargrove imagines #billy hargrove x female reader #billy hargrove x fem!reader #billy hargrove prefernces #part two #part two request #stranger things imagine #stranger things prefernces #stranger things imagines #stranger things #max mayfield #requested #anon request #pappydaddy's writing #pappydaddy's requests #has your request been recieved? see here #how is the progress on your request going? see here

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yeenybeanies · 4 years

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i’m glad you guys seem to like devin too bc i love them & also one ( 1 ) cowboy. that’s a lie i love many ( n > 1 ) cowboys don’t look at me; i haven’t proofread this one yet because i’m in a hurry rn but i’ll get to that later!! EDIT i have proofread & made alterations, so now it is good to go!!

arthur morgan & devin clarke ( oc )

2506 words

language warnings

feel free to leave comments in the tags!! thanks!!

" Rats. ” The gunslinger curses under his breath. Literal rats. He nudges at a fallen peach on the ground with the toe of his boot. A large chunk is torn from its flesh, making its roll lopsided and left-curved. There is something strange, though. Most might not notice and dismiss it, just as he was about to, as nothing more than rats or mice, but Arthur Morgan has an uncanny eye for small details. Brows furrowed, he crouches down and takes the peach up in one hand, turning it about to better see the carvings. At a glance, they look like ordinary rodent teethmarks, sure. But under scrutiny––under Arthur’s scrutiny––they don’t hold up so well. The cuts are too perfect, too precise. The pattern of the hole in the peach is strange too; rather than a series of chewing that eventually wore down to the fruit’s tough pit, as a rat might do, it looks more like the entire chunk was removed all at once. Something cut out a chunk of this peach and ran off with it, while making it look like rats had gotten to it.

Confusion settles heavily on Arthur’s face. His first guess is that another member of the camp took a bite from the fruit, but the scoring in the fruit is too small for a man’s teeth or knife. Furthermore, why wouldn’t they just have taken the whole peach? Why take one chunk and leave the rest?

The burlap sack housing the rest of the fruit and game he’d collected––all things he’d intended to deliver to Pearson––sits on the table adjacent to his bed. Arthur straightens, shifting to a more comfortable kneel, and leans over to inspect it. There’s a cut in the fabric, again, looking as if it’s to imitate the gnawing of rodents. As with the peach, though, it’s too precise.

What the hell could have done this?

“ Arthur! ” His head snaps up and turns towards the voice. It’s Dutch. Apparently he’s needed for something. He’s about to yell back that he’ll be right there, but movement in the corner of his eye catches his attention. It’s barely perceptible, but something is scooting around inside the bag. Had Arthur already ruled out rodents, he’d guess maybe it was a mouse. Whatever it is, it’s sneaking towards the incision. Slowly, Arthur leans forward, eyes narrowed.

That ain’t no mouse for sure.

“ Arthur! Get over here! ”

Arthur is frozen, stiff with surprise.

“ Arthur! ”

“ Wha––erm––I’m comin’! Be right there! ” Jesus Christ. Arthur tears his stare away from the bag and looks towards the center of camp where Dutch is calling him. He can only give the bag another quick glance before he stands and starts walking. If he takes much longer, Dutch is bound to come over and drag him out by the ear.

He must be seeing things, he reasons. Too many knocks to the head, too much drinking in his time. There’s no way he just saw a . . . a tiny lady’s face under the frayed burlap.

Racing like a hummingbird, the borrower’s tiny heart pounds in their chest. Hidden inside of the burlap sack, they try their best to peek out and watch the human without drawing any attention to themself. From what they can tell, he’s crouched, looking at a peach. They curse themself silently; they’d cut a sizable chunk of that peach with their knife––really a makeshift tool made from the sharpened and carved canine of a fox––and had accidentally pushed it out from the sack when they’d yanked said chunk free. Oh, the lament they felt watching that perfectly good fruit fall to the ground below . . ..

And now the human is inspecting the fruit. Their anxiety slowly starts to rise. Devin Clarke takes pride in their art––in the effort they put forth to make their borrowing look like nothing more than the work of mice and rats. It fools most humans. Most.

Devin freezes when the human moves. They can’t see his face, but they can see the blue buttons on his chest, which tells them that he’s facing the bag, most likely inspecting their handiwork.

A voice cuts through the eery quiet, making the borrower jump. They pray the human hasn’t noticed. That is their cue, though; they need to leave. With hopes that the human––Arthur?––is distracted, Devin slowly creeps towards the cut, trying their damnedest not to jostle the fabric or any of the food items around them. As they reach the fray, they freeze, blood suddenly going cold.

He’s looking at them. There’s no doubt that he can see them. Beyond the cut fibers, Devin sees the look in the human’s bright blue eyes change from scrutiny to surprise.

The voice yells again from somewhere in the camp, but Devin is too stiff to react this time. It feels like an hour passes, but they don’t move, and neither does the human, both too shocked to do anything. The third yell, however, does finally pull his attention away, and Devin takes the opportunity to scoot backwards into the sack, out of view. They panic, knowing damn-well they’re trapped if the human decides to inspect further. But he doesn’t. He yells back that he’s on his way, and he stands, and he . . . leaves. He leaves without trying to catch them. They listen to his footsteps as they grow more distant. Once they’re far enough away, Devin scrambles out of the cut they made and rush for safer cover, peach chunk they’d worked so hard for forgotten.

God dammit! Every other tent and wagon gave them no trouble at all!

Arthur hadn’t expected to see the would-be little lady in the bag again when he was finally able to return. He was prepared to dismiss what he’d seen as a trick of the light, but he wasn’t prepared to find a chunk of peach in the bag––a chunk of peach that, save for a few tiny nibbles––fit perfectly into the slot carved from the fruit. Carved. Not chewed.

That was days ago. Since then, the gunslinger hadn’t seen any sign of small critters––mice or ladies or otherwise––around his tent. Today, though, he had heard Pearson muttering, grumpy as ever, about rats getting into the camp food stocks. He’d mentioned something about going into town to get some mouse traps. Arthur, after having inspected some of the “ nibbled-on ” food ( same strange, too-precise marks as before ), had volunteered to find and get rid the rat himself. Or mouse. Or Whatever it is.

So now he waits. At Arthur’s recommendation, Pearson continues as usual with his daily routine. Sunset comes, and the camp stew simmers, and everyone eats. Arthur, though––he skips the stew and instead takes up post around Pearson’s wagon. The sun now practically gone beyond the horizon, he relies more on his hearing, listening for anything stirring around among the camp food supplies. The moon is nearly full, but he can only do so much with moonlight.

It takes about an hour before Arthur does hear something suspicious ( maybe he would have heard sooner, but Javier started playing his guitar ). There’s a rustling about, so faint that Arthur’s almost sure he’s imagining it. Carefully, quietly, starts to move, his ears straining to focus on the the sound. He does berate himself a little, calling himself a fool for volunteering to chase a rat, but . . . but a part of him still doesn’t believe that it’s a rat, that it wasn’t a trick of the light. That, or he really is just losing his mind.

Arthur approaches a barrel brimming with fruit, he spots a peach on the ground. Sure enough, its flesh is carved to mimic a rat’s gnawing, just like earlier, and just like a few days ago. He turns his head to the barrel, where he can hear tiny movements within. Logic says it has to be some sort of rat or mouse, and Arthur just doesn’t know as much about rodent dentition as he thinks. Logic says it’s not a teeny tiny little lady. That’s absurd.

And yet, from the cover of some of the barrel’s fruit, out crawls just that: a teeny tiny . . . maybe three inches tall . . . little lady. The moon’s light is plenty bright enough to highlight their little figure, leaving no room for doubt. They’re standing on two legs, wearing little clothes, and they’re staring at Arthur as he stares right back. The piece of peach in their hands falls, bouncing off of the barrel’s rim and dropping onto the ground.

Ever since the fiasco at the human––Arthur’s––tent, Devin had been avoiding that side of camp entirely. ( It’s unfortunate, since that side of camp usually has a good supply of feathers and scraps of fabrics and other useful things they can’t usually find anywhere else. ) It’s inconvenient as hell, since the main food wagon is such a pain in the ass to reach, what with it being made to keep out mice and rats and borrowers and other small creatures. Since they’ve been spotted, too, that means they have to leave, but they need to build up their supply stocks first to have any hope of survival away from the camp.

Damn. Being seen sucks.

It is a small blessing, though, that the human hadn’t tried to grab them. That doesn’t happen often.

Here they are now, though. While the camp is busy eating their daily stew ( Devin almost feels sorry the humans have to eat that slop everyday ), the borrower is busy scavenging through the wagon. A few pieces of fruit would be a good haul for the night. Getting up the barrel was no small feat, but the peaches––Devin’s favorite––at the top are plenty worth it. Dropping that first one after pulling a chunk from it ( again ) was a tragic accident, but they figure they might be able to haul it away once they get back down to the ground. A whole peach would certainly be a win in their book.

It seems, though, that the little borrower is fresh out of luck. Having been too preoccupied with taking more chunks of fruit, when they step out from behind an apple, they’re met with a heart-stopping sight. They drop the piece of peach they’d just pulled.

Arthur.

It’s the same human!

Devin feels the familiar chill in their blood and bones.

There’s no doubt that he can see them, either. He’s staring right at them, and they at him, both of them caught in the moonlight. Time seems to stand still for several long moments, neither of them knowing what to do.

The human does eventually move, his hands lifting. He does so slowly, but he seems to slow even more when Devin tenses, prepares to run. It looks almost like he’s . . . surrendering.

“ Easy now, ” he says, his voice low, soft. He’s trying to be comforting, but Devin isn’t feeling very comforted. “ Ain’t gonna hurt ya. ”

Devin’s heard that before.

The human lowers himself to a crouch, his eyes not leaving them. One hand collects the fallen peach––the whole fruit, sans one chunk, they’d dropped earlier. “ You, uh . . . you like peaches? ”

Naturally, Devin opts not to answer. They’re still ready to bolt at any moment.

“ Pearson thinks you’re a rat. I told him I’d take care of it, but––woah! Hold on, hold on! ” Devin darted behind the apple again, spooked by those words. They don’t have any desire to be ‘ taken care of. ’ But the human keeps talking. “ Look––I give ya my word, li’l miss. Dunno if you can really understand me, but I ain’t gonna try n’ catch you. You just . . . well, ya can’t really be takin’ from the provisions wagon like this. ”

Well shit. Now that the human knows without a doubt that they’re here and they’ve been taking food, Devin now has to leave immediately. They don’t have enough supplies to make it far, but what choice do they have? It’s too dangerous now to––––

“ But I can help. Ya don’t . . . you don’t have to run away, y’know? ” Oh boy. Here he goes. Devin rolls their eyes and starts their descent down the barrel, staying out of sight. “ I know ya don’t know me, don’t know nothin’ about me, got no real reason to trust me, but I ain’t gonna hurt ya. Don’t really want anyone else to hurt ya either. ”

Yeah, yeah. He keeps talking, and Devin keeps climbing.

“ I’ll tell Pearson I got the rat. Don’t you worry. ” Oh? That does make the borrower pause. This human’s . . . going to cover for them. So he says, at least. That’s . . . a first.

“ If you ever come around to my tent again, just ask me, ‘n I’ll give ya some food. Or whatever it is you need. ”

Right. Okay. Devin huffs and resumes their climb down.

Back at their home, after adding the scraps of food they managed to take away ( no peaches, unfortunately––damn that human ), Devin comes to the heart-dropping conclusion that they, in fact, do not have enough supplies to make it anywhere . . . that wouldn’t mean almost certain death.

Fuck.

The last time they put their faith in a human, it ended . . . poorly.

Pearson seemed pleased last night with the news that the pesky rat was taken care of. That’s good. That means he probably won’t be looking around, knife in hand, for any little critters crawling around the wagon.

That’s one relief. For now, at least. But Arthur still can’t help but feel some anxiety in his heart, knowing that the little lady is still running around out there. They’re so small . . ..

Arthur reclines in his bed, arms resting behind his head. His hat is tipped forward, covering his eyes. Things are slow at camp today. Chores are already done, no one needs any errands run, and nothing . . . super pressing needs his attention right now.

He figures he might as well take a nap, catch up on some sleep he’s missed over the . . . well, his whole life. That’s his plan, at least, until he hears a little voice.

“ Arthur? ”

The gunslinger breathes in sharply, eyes open, and pushes himself up to sit, looking around for the source of the voice.

“ Down here. ”

Down where? He rights his hat and scans low. What on Earth–––oh!

Oh. It’s the little lady. Arthur removes his hat from his head, just as he might do for a normal-sized lady.

“ That’s . . . that’s your name, right? ” They look nervous, which Arthur supposes he can understand. He’s not sure he’d be the bravest if facing a giant.

“ Yeah. That’s me. Arthur Morgan. An’ you’re . . .. ”

“ Devin Clarke. ” Sounds like a normal enough name to him. He wonders if they used to be normal-sized, but he can’t think of how they might . . . shrink.

“ Well, Miss Clarke . . .––– ”

“ Just Devin, ” they correct quickly. “ You . . . said you would help me . . .. ”

Ah. He surely did. Arthur can’t help the smile that curves along his lips. Slowly, he moves himself to better face them, making an effort to keep his hands where they can see them at all times.

“ ‘course. Devin. What can I do for ya? ”

#g/t #g/t writing #g/t fiction #g/t rdr #rdr #arthur morgan #devin clarke #hyena writes #hyena ocs

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knb-shorts-and-sweets · 4 years

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hi!! i lov ur blog!!! can i get a scenario w gom+hanamiya where their male s/o catches them cheating on him w a girl and hes just like "o srry,," or is just silent and walks away all casual like he expected them to eventually cheat on him w a girl bc he was just "an experiment" or smth like that and they try to explain or fix things between them but now hes too afraid to trust them in fear of getting cheated on again? :00

I think that: a) I didn’t give you what you asked for and b) I had too much fun with this

Kuroko: For some reason, he wasn’t where he normally was after practice. You would meet him to walk home together on Wednesdays. Thinking he might still be in the locker room or something, you made your way to the gym. You could hear voices echoing as you got a bit closer, one of which was clearly Tetsu’s velvety murmur. The other was much too familiar, and much too female. You were silent, so when they quieted down, chills began to run down your spine. Just peeking your head in, you could see the two clearly, baby blue and soft pink, like cotton candy. Although it probably tasted like sulfur. Tetsu didn’t have the wherewithal to pull away from his childhood friend until he heard the sound of your half-assed applause for them. He looked shocked, stiff, like a deer in the headlights. Momoi was too uncomfortable to even look at you. Throughout your relationship, you could never shake the feeling that he was in love with her. You were just a fling, a way for him to figure himself out. It hurt a little bit to finally accept the truth before you. “I figured you really were just into girls,” you said softly, “but you could have at least been honest with me.” With that, you turned to leave. He couldn’t just let you leave like that. It was a misunderstanding, really. He stood up and rushed to stand between you and the door, so that he could explain what happened. But the damage was done and it felt like you walked right through him as you left.

Kise: It was something you always tried to ignore. Girls flocked to him for his attention (which you really couldn’t blame them for doing) but for some reason, he always felt the need to flirt back. It was lunch, and you were sitting across from him, trying to get food down despite your lack of appetite, and watching your boyfriend give his attention to someone else right in front of you. Not even that Kuroko guy. Just some girl; she was hanging around him a lot lately. But the position of his arm caught your eye and you knew in an instant that he was holding her hand under the table, right in front of you. Red-faced with both anger and embarrassment, you stood up suddenly, slamming your hands on the table. “I get it,” you spat. Kise was frozen for a moment in shock, and by the time he came to, you had thrown your uneaten lunch away and were halfway to the door, muttering to yourself about how stupid you were to ever believe he could be into you. He tried to go after you, but his foot got caught underneath the table and he fell backwards. Calling your name was pointless as you couldn’t hear much over the sound of your breaking heart pounding in your ears.

Midorima: You were just walking around the corner of the hallway, hoping that you would be able to run into him. When you saw him earlier that day, he was stressing about today being a particularly bad day for cancers and was unable to get his lucky item. You’d gone out of your during lunch to find it for him, going so far as to stop at a resale store where you were finally able to your hands on the hollow glass rabbit. You were doing your best to get over your reservations about dating him, as you were unsure if he was really into you or just curious and using your convenient crush on him as an opportunity to experiment. Perhaps you were right to doubt him; as you turned the corner, you immediately spotted the carrot only about ten feet away. The next thing you noticed was the girl beside him, pressed against his side, and his arm that was wrapped so comfortably around her. Their bodies fit together like puzzle pieces. When he realized you were there, he pulled away from her and tried to approach you but you tossed the lucky item to his feet, happy to see it shatter right in front of him. Ha. Relatable. With that, you turned and tried to get away from him with as much of your dignity as you could manage.

Aomine: You were at his place, in his bed, with his arm wrapped around you as he slept beside you. His phone was under your pillow, so it wasn’t like you could ignore the buzzing that signaled he had a text. You would have gladly ignored it, but there was another one, and a few minutes later another one. You pulled the phone out from under your pillow and only glanced at the screen. You couldn’t help yourself. The messages were all from the same number, the name definitely belonging to a girl. You could figure out his pass-code easily (he was predictable and not that clever). Your heart dropped down into your stomach as you opened the messages, tears welling up in your eyes as you scrolled through older messages. Seeing the pictures exchanged between the two caused you to let out a sob, successfully waking him beside you. “What’s wrong?” he groaned, unaware of his phone in your hand. You pulled yourself out of his arms and off the bed as you tossed the phone at his chest. You knew the kinds of bodies he was attracted to, and you certainly didn’t fit the mold. You’d been trying to convince yourself that it was real, that he was actually interested in you. But like always, he was just fucking around, playing a game so easily with no effort at all. “I’m so stupid for taking this seriously for a second,” you murmured to yourself as you grabbed your things, trying your best not to slam his door on your way out.

Murasakibara: You had a cooking class together, although he was stuck at the counter in front of yours. It wasn’t so bad at first. Often during class he would turn to let you taste whatever you were making and you would do the same. And then it happened less often, and less, as his class partner was requiring more and more of his attention every day. She started by feeding him extra snacks she brought, making extra whipped cream on the side, but you hoped Murachin was only accepting it all because he really couldn’t think beyond his taste buds. But there was always that aching dread that he was more interested in her, you were just a fling to satisfy his curiosity. Then one day she offered to play the pocky game, and he accepted. You counted the seconds that passed by as their lips remained pressed together, watching in horror as she reached up to cup his cheek in her hand. The mixing bowl you’d been holding dropped onto the counter and you quickly began packing up your things, hoping that you would be able to get to a bathroom before a panic attack ensued. You couldn’t subdue your doubts anymore when the proof was right in front of you.

Akashi: You knew he wasn’t one for excessive romance or affection, and it hadn’t bothered you for the most part. Who were you kidding? It made your heart drop a bit every time he ignored you or shied away from your touch, claiming he needed to focus. Was he even attracted to you at all? Sometimes you worried that he didn’t get to know you during your time working on a project together and discovering that he was interested in you. It was very possible that he was just curious, and you were cute and smart enough and in the right place at the right time. The latter seemed more likely, as you tended to be in that position often, like today. You left your phone in your desk, but didn’t realize until you were halfway across the school. When you finally got there, you were a bit out of breath, but the wind was knocked out of you completely when you opened the door to the classroom to find a girl sitting on your desk with her hand resting on top of your phone and your supposed boyfriend leaning over her, kissing her. You pursed your lips as you approached them. Luckily for you, your insecurities led to you rehearsing this moment in your head at night a lot. Swiping your phone from the desk, you looked at Akashi directly. “I see,” you said softly before leaving the two to their business.

Hanamiya: There was something thrilling about being with him. Maybe it was due to something as simple as his demeanor. You suspected that it had more to do with the fact that you couldn’t quite figure his motives out. You went into this thinking that it would last a week or two, that he was just messing around, figuring himself out. But lately you were starting to get the impression that maybe he was after something more. Foolish of you to think like that. He was taking too long to meet up with you after school, and you made your way to the only place you could think of him lingering in right now: the locker room. You were unfortunately correct to assume he’d be there, although he wasn’t waiting for you to find him or anything like that. You found him there in nothing but a towel–which was being held up around his waist by some girl’s hands. He looked up at you and rolled his eyes when he saw who just walked in on them. “You have wonderful timing,” he said with a small sneer on his lips. You turned away from him, “I knew why you were with me, what I was getting myself into,” casually waving your hand as you walked off, “Glad you figured it out.”

#KNB #Kuroko Tetsuya #Kise Ryouta #Midorima Shintarou #Aomine Daiki #Murasakibara Atsushi #murachin #akashi seijirou #gom #hanamiya makoto

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soundofseventeen · 5 years

Text

If We Were A Movie (Kim Mingyu)

Hi babes! So Erin and I geeked out bc we finally reached 400 followers!!! We cried a bit and really thank you guys for everything! It’s not possible without y’all! Enough rambling. -Bee

“Another win for the ever-talented Kim Mingyu.” You raised your hand for a high five which he eagerly slapped. “Stop being such a good actor or we’ll probably have to build you a separate room for all your wins.”

“It’s luck,” he shrugged modestly. “And my ridiculously good looks.”

“Who are you if not your own biggest fan? Okay, so there’s an after party going on if you wanna go or we clear the rest of the night to get you to start packing because need I remind you that you leave for this next movie in five days.” You unlocked your phone and rambled off the rest of his schedule, each time grinning wider than the last until his laughs betrayed him and you looked up at him in confusion. “What?”

“Do you ever get a day off?” He shook his head. “I think you’re more concerned about this coming month than I am.” He took out his own phone and compared it to yours. “Jeez, you’re more of an overqualified agent than my assistant. Wait, I have a physical the day after tomorrow? Since when?” He gestured you to start walking to his dressing room so he could change.

“Since you agreed to the role three months back.” You shrugged. “Maybe if you paid more attention, then you’d know.”

“But not even my agent knows-”

“Your agent’s job is to make sure you book your roles and you don’t risk it, hence your lack of scandals. I’m just here to make sure you keep yourself alive and well because your fans will probably kill me.”

“I knew I didn’t just hire you for your cute looks.” He closed the door in your face, giving him the last laugh.

You pounded on the door, laughing. “You hired me because you needed a friend!” Well from what he’s told you at least.

He opened it, sticking his head out. “And you’re a good one at that. Now please let me get dressed so I can go to this party while you enjoy your night off.”

“Hey, unblock me while you’re at it you coward!”

You threw the shirt along with the rest of the rejected pieces of clothing. You weren’t expecting to be invited along to all sorts of parties and social gatherings (that was more Mingyu’s scene) but because you were constantly by his side, it’d make sense for you to dress the part in case it happened. All your casual and formal clothing had been packed in different suitcases (and as low maintenance as you were, you liked messing with him because he could honestly pack like it was the end of the world...well it didn’t help that his stylist Xu Minghao tailored his wardrobe to perfection and often made it a point to show it off, subtly of course.)

You checked the time, surprised to see it was a quarter to two (and that Mingyu had refollowed on every social media account he previously blocked you on but it was otherwise fairly quiet from his end.) If you didn’t get any sleep soon, you’d be too tired for your day to yourself. You’d made plans to do something by yourself whether it be a haircut, buy new clothes, or maybe even get yourself that book you were eyeing; you just wanted some quality time with yourself and if you didn’t start that now, it’d be...awhile. You left your pile of clothes right where they were, just in case they’d be better looking in the morning. You washed the makeup and dirt away from your face as you changed into your most comfortable pyjamas (which you were too lazy to do so hours ago), hearing the kettle whistling, signaling that your water was ready for your nighttime tea. You’d managed to pour yourself a cup before you got an incoming call from Mingyu. “Hello?”

“Y/N MY LOVELY ASSISTANT,” He bellowed from his end of the receiver and you had to turn down the volume despite the fact it was on speaker because he was that loud when he had a little too much alcohol in his system. “CAN. YOU. HEAR. ME.” You turned it down as low as it could go. “OH NO. OH NO. OH NO. GUYS I LOST Y/N.”

You laughed. “Mingyu I’m right here in the kitchen, getting ready to sleep. Are you home yet?”

“YOU’RE AT MY HOME. WITHOUT ME? HOW DO YOU HAVE MY KEYS? DID I LEAVE THEM IN YOUR CAR AGAIN?”

“Go home and get some sleep please. Call me in the morning.”

“I LOVE YOU BUDDY.”

“Me too pal. Me too.”

You watched in irritated amusement as Mingyu and his costar hung out behind the scenes as the subplot progressed onscreen, peering over at you occasionally just to make sure you hadn’t abandoned him completely, but also making sure he could see you in case he needed you to save him, not that he needed it. You knew one of his personal rules was to not date who he worked with, but this one seemed to bend the rules a bit. So far, they’ve had dinner after hours, went shopping a couple of times and even had Mingyu blow off parts of his day that you had planned for him to get done. All in all, you were amazed at it all. He was fighting it and fighting it well but you also knew you had to give him some kind of hell for it. After all, he’s missed several meetings even if they weren’t all that important; it was just mostly scheduling fanmeets, interviews and just anything to give his upcoming movie publicity. (The fans might’ve done that enough though.) They were called back to the main screen not much later with you telling him it was the final shot of the day and you’d meet him back in your hotel room, so while they were getting ready for the big climax, you used that as an excuse to grab breakfast/lunch/dinner.

You’d been there since early in the morning, only snacking on pretzels and whatever what was put out on the table and if you didn’t get food in your system soon, you were sure you’d pass out from lack of nutrition. (As it was, you were cranky and your headache wasn’t helping.) Fast food was, unfortunately your only option, so you grudgingly ordered your meal (and another for the ever ravenous boy because he’d cause a mini scene until you relented so you spared yourself the guilt trip early.)

Getting to your suite, you set everything on the counter, kicked off your shoes and turned on the TV, getting some rest before eating. (Being an assistant was more tiring than you let on. Mingyu tried his hardest to make it easy for you, treating more like an equal rather than someone who was constantly waiting on his orders. You very rarely saw his diva side, which he used only when cast and crew were both assholes not only to him, but to you. He admired your efficiency, occasionally buying you a card saying he appreciated what you did for him, and your friendly demeanor even when you were put in the worst circumstances. It was only at home and your you time when he released the frustrations.) You hadn’t even known that you had fallen asleep until you felt someone shaking your shoulder telling you to wake up. You opened your eyes to find Mingyu looking at you with slight concern and you waved him off, standing up and stretching. “I didn’t hear you knocking.”

“I just got home and I was wondering if you wanted to grab a bite and go for ice cream afterward but I can see you got dinner covered and you look too tired to...get up again.” Which was true. You fell back on the couch which had made him pause his sentence. He shook his head and instead brought the bags of burgers and fries to you, taking a spot next to you. He passed you your order (which had grown cold) and changed the channel, growing more unsatisfied with every show he skipped. He finally stopped when he saw one of his old movies, wordlessly asking you if you were okay with it and you just shrugged. He smiled to himself, turning the volume up and finally taking a bite of his burger.

It was his first lead role, having just finished a television series as a supporting character (Jeon Wonwoo’s no less), which had you questioning why he had wanted to hire you of all people. He had seen you at a cafe and over the course of watching you carefully organizing your notes, taking various phone calls (because in this day, everyone preferred standard texting and email), and overall meticulously and painstakingly writing out your agenda for the week, right down to being able to pencil in a nap, he introduced himself to you. Of course you were starstruck and even a little afraid; of course you had a crush on him because of course you religiously had watched his show and were -unsurprisingly- counting down the day until you had a moment to watch his debut as a lead, not a side character. You first thought it was all a joke, some prank that was waiting to happen because of a date you had rejected a few days prior. Even when he reassured you that the offer was legit, you were skeptical because you were a student, not someone who had experience scheduling people’s life into your notebooks and keeping them busy.

He convinced you though, and as he got bigger, so did your paycheck, enabling you to pay off your debts and continuing your schooling online. He was happy with your choice because it meant he could spend time with someone around his age, and not lose his roots of being a young adult, trying to get parts of his life together. He didn’t tell you this sober but one night that he had too much to drink, he called you, emotions and alcohol impairing his speech but being able to thank you for being in his life and that the real reason he hired you was because he wanted someone to call a friend and remain faithful and not let fame get to his head. Thinking about that now, made you feel warm and fuzzy inside, despite shivering from your cold drink sliding down your throat. “I’m glad you hired me,” you commented to no one in particular, but you know he needed to hear it sometimes.

“Even though I scared the shit out of you?”

You mulled it over just a bit. He only reason he had come off as intimidating as he did was because of his height. He towered over you and you were initially afraid that if you rejected his offer, he would do something, so you fearfully agreed. Needless to say, he was as scary as a housefly. “Even then.”

He smiled in your direction. “Me too.” And just like that, his own eyes closed, the long day washing over him as he fell asleep, the burger half eaten on his lap.

The movie, needless to say, was a complete success, breaking his previous record and going straight to #1 at the box office on opening weekend alone. It helped with all the time he spent with his costar outside of the filming sets and with whatever you were able to book whether it had been planned from the get go or some strings his agent had helped pull as well as charity events.

Kim Mingyu had a certain boyish charm to him that had eyes on him constantly and the more he was seen in public, the better. His biggest asset, ironically enough was his clumsiness. Most, if not all, of his fans related to him due to clips you constantly uploaded to social media of him dropping things, falling from his bed, him forgetting about that last step at the top of the stairs which because you were busy recording, often had him tripping over it and taking you down with him.

Any dating rumors were squashed as quickly as they surfaced, which intrigued his fans as well as his costar’s and many quickly integrated, shipping them and discussing conspiracy theories that proved they were secretly together.

It was a funny thing seeing them fighting amongst the fans that were convinced it was you dating Mingyu. I mean, with all the time you spent together and all the times you’ve blocked each other and going live about it, it did seem rather likely. You yourself almost believed it, but you knew better and how well he maintained his professionalism with everyone. In all the time you’ve worked for him, he’s been in one steady relationship with someone when he went back to his hometown after his big break and was outed. It was apparently quite the scandal. Your quick thinking gave him time off and how to address the situation when the time came but that you knew of there was someone else a little before you were hired.

It seemed he brought back the zombie trend with his latest blockbuster because in the weeks that followed, you saw a lot of makeup tutorials that resembled the undead and official merch were popping up everywhere. You showed them all to Mingyu who never ceased to be awestruck and sometimes even dumbfounded because he was just doing his job: being someone else while maintaining his own personality.

His latest success meant a lot more interviews which was fine with you both until you had to leave him for a week because of a termite infestation that occurred in your apartment complex and while the bad news was that it was condemned, you were able to throw your belongings in a storage unit and you decided to deal with that after Mingyu took time off. During that time, you had a realization of just how much time you spent together. It was strange looking a few feet away from you and not seeing the six foot human within eyesight and sometimes you could swear that you heard his voice somewhere. You missed him terribly, you’d admit that much. It was one thing when y’all had vacation time and purposely silenced your work phone but it was another thing to constantly be checking on his replacement to make sure he was on schedule and you followed up with Mingyu himself because he knew how you could be. His favorite phrase seemed to be, “There was a little hitch...kidding!”, followed by his predictable events before ending with a subtle whine of when you were coming back which had him counting down the days, even though yougave him a wrong estimate.

The day you were due to come back, you were running late, leaving you frustrated because you had planned to surprise him over breakfast, but because life and delays, you didn’t get to him until late afternoon. According to the day’s schedule, he was at a fan meet, so you hightailed it to the venue and arrived, skid marks all but visible as you flew in. His replacement assistant looked relieved seeing you back, adjusting the headphone/microphone set that allowed you to hear what Mingyu and his fans were discussing in record time. You caught a lot of questions of why he looked so bummed and if everything was okay, and you could imagine him smiling as he assured everyone he was fine. He was not fine; he didn’t have you, according to everyone.

So you went up onstage to where he was at, putting a finger to your lips to hint at everyone waiting for him to remain silent. Because he was the star, he was at the very end, so it was quite a trek in your opinion at least, turning off your headset so the feedback wouldn’t give you away. You were behind him as a preteen fan finally reached him, trying to hold in her giddiness at seeing you two together. You waved her and her grin widened. “H-hi.” She held out a picture of him for him to sign. “C-Can I ask you a question?”

Mingyu nodded, the already preparing himself for his own generic answer as he autographed the photo. “Fire away.”

“Would you consider yourself brave like your character?” She eyed you when you put your hand over your mouth to hide your snort. Mingyu was about as brave as Winnie the Pooh going after heffalumps. It was you who often had to kill the spider to stop him from burning the place down. (No, you actually stopped by his place once to see him dousing his kitchen table with gasoline.) He’s even said he was staying with you once the apocalypse happened. (He was convinced it was inevitable.)

It still surprised you when he shook his head. “My character can do things I can only dream of like leading people and saving them and telling them what they need to hear. I can’t even say something without being afraid of what someone is gonna tell me…”

“Can I ask you something else?” She whispered this so low you almost missed it had Mingyu not nodded.

“If you could say something without fear...without consequence, what would it be?”

Smart kid, you figured, in both the question and the way she said it. It was a question that had you pondering.

Mingyu also seemed caught offguard by it, racking his brain to see how he could answer. Finally he spoke. “I guess I’d tell someone I’m close to how much I love them.”

“What’s stopping you Oppa?”

“A lot of things, I guess.” Her eyes widened and when they flickered to you, you shook your head, and used it as the opportunity to announce your presence by grabbing his shoulders and making him jump. You were really curious about who he was talking about, but that wasn’t your business.

“Yah, you punk,” he scolded you, “you were supposed to be here two days ago.” He broke out into his signature grin. “I missed you.”

“And they're here to see you,” you gestured towards his steadily growing line that had their phones out, recording the little interaction. You backed away slowly as he returned to his adoring fans, hearing everything they said, smiling at some of the comments and laughing when you heard something particularly funny (mostly when they mentioned him looking cheery because of a certain someone cough cough you.) Once the event was over, he rushed over to engulf you in a well deserved hug because in Mingyu time, a week was the equivalent of two years. You wrinkled your nose. “You’re gross and sweaty. Go shower and change your clothes. I’m gonna help everyone pick up.”

“But I wanna take you out to dinner. I haven’t seen you in a week. My shower can wait. ”

“I’m not going near you until you’re clean,” you pointed out. You folded a few chairs and took them to their place. “Why are you still here? Go.”

You felt like you could use the shower, but at least you felt useful. The crew thanked you tenfold and bid you a great evening as they retired for the day. You were happy to report to Mingyu (once he got out that is) that this was his last thing for awhile so he could finally go on that vacation he was planning, which sucked on your part because you just got back and you were already gonna separate again. And not to mention the house hunt you were about to go on. You walked back to where the dressing rooms were, hoping to rush the actor.

He was already waiting by one of the front doors, leaning against it. You walked up to him and he surprised you by meeting you halfway, saying nothing. He ran a hand through his damp hair, studying you, a very un-Mingyu like thing to do.

“Hey,” you greeted him shyly. “You ready to get going?”

He walked up to you slowly, a rather bashful smile appearing on his face, giving him the look a child who’s about to ask if he could have ice cream before bed, and expecting a no in return. “I...just have to do something first.” He bit the inside of his lip, exhaling slowly, gaining courage before taking your face in his hands and kissing you hesitantly, slowly, carefully, but reluctantly pulling away to assess your reaction, foreheads touching. You remembered what he had said to the young fan earlier, blanking out on what to tell him. The only logical reaction was to stare at him puzzled, and he chuckled, despite it not going how he quite imagined it, his voice sounding deep and labored. “I talked to a fan earlier, before you got there, and she asked me if I could do something and not be scared and she asked why I hadn’t done it yet…”

“Me?” You cut him off.

“You heard?”

“I caught a few of your conversations but I thought you’d had enough of everyone asking why you were sad. I didn’t think…” You exhaled. “Why me?”

“Why not you? Everything you do for me...to pushing me so I’m on top of it, to assure me I’m doing all I can, to just making sure I’m not overworking myself, and-and even with how much time we spend together...how can I not pick you?”

“It’s my job. I’m supposed to do all of that.”

“Y/N, not even my agent knows what I’m supposed to do until she has orders from you that it’s been okayed from physicians to trainers to nutritionists. I...I don’t know anyone else that would go that far. I’m pretty sure you even know when I’m about to get sick because sometimes I get a hint of something medicinal in my drinks.”

It was hard to look away from him, especially when his gaze was unwavering and he was as close to you as he was. You cared about him and his wellbeing; it was obvious enough when you let him get an extra hour or two of sleep instead of rushing him out the door to get from point A to point B, and when you cut off his sugar supply when he’s had enough; you even squeezed time in with his old friends because he worked hard, sometimes too hard. You tenderly brushed his hair from his face. “Me?” you repeated incredulously.

He nodded, looking as sure as he felt. “You.” He finally allowed himself to smile. “I just...I really love you.”

Your heart pounded at his confession. He had thousands, if not, millions of admirers worldwide, a dream to everyone who had known or met him, and his own heart...was yours. You hadn’t expected your eyes to shut to keep the tears in, but they did and it was your turn to exhale. “Mingyu.” You paused. “This isn’t just something because I just came back, isn’t it?”

“I missed you the whole time you were gone,” he confessed. “But it was also more than that. Every time you’re not around, it’s hard for me to focus and get everything done. It’s like part of me is missing and it’s dumb because I know you’re always here, but I’m afraid that one day you’re gonna go somewhere and not come back and the only thing I’ll have to remember you by is a text saying you’re sorry.” He shook his head at the thought, his confidence deflating because you hadn’t said anything to accept or reject him.

“Kim Mingyu, I think I’d at least tell you in person because really? A text?” You smiled at your half assed attempt to make him laugh, but you poked his cheek upward. “I-I couldn’t leave you even if I wanted to. We’ve done too much together as it is...and it’d be a shame to not know what could be between us.”

He perked up at that. “I...you mean that?”

“Oh my god Mingyu! Just ask me out or I swear-” He cut you off with another kiss, this one longer and more passionate and full of happiness that radiated onto you.

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queerhargreeves · 5 years

Text

hiya i wrote a fic at 4:30 am bc i have emotions and i need more hargreeves bonding but specifically vanya/diegos relationship!!! this fic is sorta all over the place so i apologize for the errors !!

——————————————————————————

After avoiding the end of the world the Hargreeves decided that there was no better time than now to attempt to fix their estranged relationship. After 17 years of no communication then being forced into such a high intensity situation, to say they deserved some time together was an understatement.

It had been a few months since the alleged end of the world and they all made it a habit to go out to dinner at least once a week together. Especially now that they’re all living under one roof it made things easier. They needed some time to recover to which Pogo and Grace happily obliged in their request to stay for a bit. They were all learning how to get along better - all improving in their communication skills after 30 years of being emotionally stunted. However their biggest arguments were always over where to eat. Klaus always wanted tacos, Allison usually wanted Thai food, Five just wanted a solid cup of coffee he didn’t really care where, Vanya always just said “I don’t care wherever you want”, and the rest of them agreed with whatever happened.

Tonight they settled on a Vietnamese restaurant so Diego could “get his pho on” after a few weeks of complaining.

“KLAUS GET YOUR BUTT DOWN HERE.” Diego exclaimed, waiting approximately seven seconds before screaming again.

“IF YOU DON’T GET DOWN HERE WE’RE GONNA LEAVE WITHOUT YOU!” Diego grabbed his coat, tossing the keys to Five. Which was quickly followed by the click clack of Klaus’ black booties.

“Yes brother dearest I heard you the first time!” Klaus made it to the bottom of the stairs and did a twirl, showing off his (Allison’s) black skirt and gave an expectant look to his brother.

“Nice outfit.” Diego said with a nod, “Now get in the car, princess. I need pho in me. Stat.”

“Yessir~”

All seven of the siblings piled into their new van which could actually fit all of them. Allison said it was a present for everyone but really it was for Five. Driving always seemed to calm him down and helped clear his head when he got too caught up in himself.

The ten minute drive went by pretty quickly as the hot topic conversation was about whether or not sriracha belonged in pho. Luther was the only one opposed to the idea to which Ben added was due to his “unfortunate Caucasian genes”. Klaus happily translated that.

They made their way out of the van and walked through the parking structure. As they turned a corner and got closer to their destination they heard a chorus of shouts and a sea of red hats right outside of the restaurant.

“Is that what I think it is?” Luther asked out loud, his voice at least an octave higher than normal in disbelief at the scene in front of him.

“BUILD THAT WALL. BUILD THAT WALL. KEEP THEM OUT” was being chanted, the sea of people held out signs that had things written along the lines of “secure USA boarders” and “keep illegals out”

“LOOK, THERE’S AN ILLEGAL OVER THERE!” A large, middle aged white man yelled into his megaphone and pointed right at Diego. The entire crowd shifted their attention to the seven siblings, Diego in the front.

“SHOW US YOUR DOCUMENTS FILTHY FUCK!” Another man shouted with nothing but pure venom in his voice.

Diego clenched his jaw, his entire body tense. Vanya, surprising to everyone, was the first one to defend their brother.

“Don’t you guys have better things to do then spew hate? You’re not proving anything other than your ignorance.” Vanya was absolutely fuming but she managed to keep her voice calm and level, leaving the group behind and walking right up to the man. She placed herself less than two inches away from his face, looking up with a hand on her hip.

“That little be*ner over there is stealing our jobs, little miss,” he poked Vanya’s shoulder, “I’d advise you get the fuck out of my face before I call ICE on his ass.”

“My brother has every right to here here just as you or I do. Legal or not, he’s a human being. Imagine not having the basic human decency to realize everyone is a person. You should be ashamed.” Vanya could feel her heart pounding with each word that was said.

“We need to build the wall to keep all illegals out. No more brown fuckers stealing our jobs. This is MY AMERICA!” The man hissed, spit hitting her cheek.

A car horn went off and trees started rustling, her anger becoming more evident. Allison quickly ran to the scene, grabbing Vanya’s hand and tearing her away from the situation before she had a chance to respond.

“C’mon, these assholes don’t deserve our energy.” She signed, knowing Vanya always calmed down when she signed. It helped her feel more connected to her sister and it made her situation easier to accept.

Vanya was shaking at this point as she walked back, still hand in hand with her sister.

“We should leave.” Klaus said shakily, both Ben and his hand on Diego’s shoulder.

“V-Vanya. I-I can’t” Diego started but stopped himself, his words not cooperating with him right now. He immediately wrapped his arms around his sister, holding her tight. “Tha-thank you.” His voice was muffled in her shoulder and it was evident he was holding back tears.

“You don’t need to thank me, silly.” Vanya replied, slowly breaking out of the hug. She looked up at her brother and wiped away a tear that was threatening to fall

“Let’s go get your pho someplace else, yeah?”

Vanya offered her brother a soft smile to which he returned with a nod.

The siblings made their way back to the van, all making sure to be extra kind to Diego. They knew when their brother was and wasn’t okay.

They went to a “better” restaurant according to Klaus’ intensive yelp research. Once in the restaurant Klaus was the first to speak up.

“I’m,” he paused, not even sure where to begin, “I can’t believe people like that still exist.”

“I can, unfortunately.” Allison signed, giving her brother an understanding look. She has faced her fair share of racism not just in the public eye, but also in her personal life as well. Being a black woman isn’t the easiest experience either.

“I can’t believe we saved the world so rodents like that can spew their nonsense.” Five added, taking a sip of his coffee. “But you know they’re wrong right..? I mean, of course you do. But I understand how sometimes we all need to be affirmed.”

They all turned expectantly at their brother who hadn’t said more than a few words since the incident. Often times when Diego got emotional his words would fail him, they knew that. They learned over the years to be patient when that happened. It made Diego feel weak. Vulnerable. Not like a knife wielding badass he is but so much smaller than that. He felt like it reduced him to nothing more than broken syllables and incoherent sentences.

“I-I kn-kn-know,” Diego started, signing as he spoke in case some things got lost in translation. “I’ve seen th-those types o-on the news b-b-but,” he sighed, closing his eyes and focusing on the next part of the sentence “ex-exp-experiencing it is d-different.”

Vanya nodded and put her hand on top of his, giving it a light squeeze. She couldn’t imagine what experiencing something like that would be like. Seeing a group of people who think you shouldn’t exist. A group of people who vocalize that you are unimportant, less than. Well maybe she did know a thing to two about that, but not to that overwhelming degree.

“It’s a good thing Vanya went up first because I was about 2 seconds way from beating their ass. Not that you couldn’t have done it yourself.” Luther was still visibly upset as he spoke, his grip on his water tightening.

As if in cue their food came. The waiter brought over 6 bowls of piping hot pho, placing it in front of the siblings.

It didn’t take long before Diego’s mouth was full of noodles and the only thing heard were the sounds of slurps from each of their mouths. They ate in relative silence until they finished.

“I-I want to uh,” Diego began as he wiped his mouth with a napkin, all heads turning to him, “thank you guys. Really.”

They all smiled at their brother, receiving a chorus of “of course” and “shut up dummy” phrases. He laughed and shook his head, relishing in this moment together.

After all that they’ve been through there was no way they were going to let a group of ungrateful, hateful, ignorant people ruin their pho time. And his siblings made sure of that.

#i hope this isnt too awful #i just love supoortive hargreeves a lot #the umbrella academy #diego hargreeves #i want that all of klaus outfits pls #allison hargreeves #five hargreeves #luther hargreeves #ben hargreeves #tua #tua fic #the umbrella academy fanfiction

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myrainydayloves · 5 years

Text

Ain’t No Rest For the Wicked

In an attempt to soothe Apollo’s nerves, Annaka goes for a late night evidence hunt. She encounters all sorts of midnight enemies like gangs, poker games, and troublemaking ex-boyfriends. All part of business as usual. TW: Knife fighting and light strangulation.

(TWO FICS IN ONE NIGHT??? YEAH! Uh no serious. You might see some familiar characters in here but that’s bc it’s my self insert world and I’m not bound by the rules of copyright)

There were three things Annaka was looking forward to when she walked into the Wright Anything Agency at two-thirty AM. One, the leftover Chinese food Phoenix had left in the fridge for her to eat when she got home from her mission. Two, her favorite chair being unoccupied and ready for her. And three, a blanket she had thrown in the dryer before she left. She would finally be able to catch more than an hour of sleep before waking up the next morning to help Phoenix again.

So the anger that coursed through her when she walked into see Apollo sobbing over the papers on his desk in her favorite chair, with an empty Chinese food takeout container next to him, and curled in her blanket was immense. If he hadn’t been fully bawling, she would have honestly strangled him to death. But he was sobbing uncontrollably, head buried in his arms as he gasped for air between bursts of tears.

“Apollo?”

He looked up, snot running from his nose and his eyes bright red from tears. “A-Annaka?”

“What the fuck happened?”

Apollo burst into tears again, head rolling back as he cried so hard he was almost a human fountain. “I’m gonna...I’m gonna lose this case!”

“And?”

“And an innocent person is gonna go to jail and I’m never gonna be able to get another case and I’ll be stuck here! Cleaning toilets for the rest of my life!”

She walked over to the crying young man, picking up what few non-tear soaked papers there were to read them. “Oof, Yeah. Simon’s really painted you into a corner…”

As Apollo sobbed even harder, she looked through more of the papers before pointing to a sentence. “All you need to find is proof this guy bought the poison right? Then your client goes free?”

“But there’s nothing! No one knows where he could have gotten it and my client is a chemist!”

With a hum, Annaka resigned herself to more work. “I’ll get you the info. You stay here and take a nap on the couch, okay?”

“I-Okay…”

There’s no rest for the wicked, Annaka thought as she walked down the stairs and onto the LA streets. Her heeled boots echoed through the quiet as she walked to her bike. She threw herself on her trusty motorcycle, turned the key, and settled into her business. There was nothing like the bass of some pop song bumping through her helmet as the street lines shot past her. She weaved through the streets as easily as a needle through cloth.

And the paved streets that housed the Wright Anything Agency degraded into potholes and cracked streets. It was a sign she was entering a whole new world rather than the squeaky clean one Apollo knew.

She slammed on the brakes midway through a tunnel, stopping the bike so that next to it was an unassuming door into the tunnel proper. In the dark, Annaka coughed.

“It’s rude to keep a lady waiting,” she said to the door. “Plus, I need someone to park my bike and I’ve got something I need explained.”

The door opened to reveal an eye patched man with silver hair leaning against it’s frame. “So the witching hour brings old devils to my door.”

“Cut it, Niles. Is Nyx in tonight?”

“What’s it to ya?”

“Need to know where and when she sold poison to this guy,” Annaka said, climbing off her bike to show him the photo. “Got a defense attorney crying his eyes out cause she’s too good at her job.”

Niles clicked his tongue before whistling. A young girl appeared sporting a wrench and a grease stained shirt. Without a word, she took the keys from Annaka to park her bike and Annaka walked in. Gracious as the Chester Cat, Niles opened a hatch for Alice to fall down into.

And she did.

Landing on her ass in front of the ruler of LA’s biggest gang was something she was unfortunately very familiar with. Annaka rubbed her butt as she stood and Niles slid down the ladder behind her. The boss raised an eyebrow; he was as he always was, refined and poised but unequivocally dangerous. He had been enraptured in a game of poker before she had tumbled down and now looked at her over his cards.

“Little Princess,” he said with a wave of his hand. “How are you?”

“Good and you?”

“Business is booming. Scalped tickets to Prosecutor Gavin’s concert sold for three times their worth.”

“Well considering they’re worth nothing, I’m sorry to hear you’re still in the red.”

The boss laughed and patted the seat next to him. “So cutting Little Princess. How is your lawyer friend?” He jerked his head to the unnamed dealer. “Deal her in.”

“Still better at poker than either of us.” A king of Spades and a three, she sighed inwardly at her luck. “Call and can I get a drink?”

“Of course, Annaka!” Cried a pastel pink haired girl from the darkness. “Your usual Shirley Temple?”

“Yeah, Thanks Felicia.” She tapped the table. “You making a play or what, Xander?”

“What?” The boss asked. “Call.”

A well dressed man next to Annaka sighed. “I’ll fold. There’s no point trying to play when such a beautiful woman is at the table. I’ll only fall more in love with every raise.”

“Stuff it, Laslow.”

The dealer laid down a pair of threes and an ace. Xander raised a hundred chips. Annaka called. Laslow sighed and took the cherry from her Shirley Temple. Xander called. Annaka called. Laslow presented the stem of the cherry which he had tied into a knot with his tongue.

Xander had nothing. Annaka had the high card. Laslow had a handprint carved onto his cheek.

“Info,” Annaka said as Laslow rubbed his stinging cheek. “Nyx sold the man in this picture poison. In front of what security camera did the sale happen?”

“What makes you think we did it-“

“Standard procedure. You help people who help themselves. If the guy was smart enough to cover his face then Apollo’s screwed. But I’m betting he wasn’t.”

Xander hummed and leaned onto the table so he could pick up a lock of her hair. He rubbed the curl between his fingers in a move that was less power and more praising. Finally he patted her head.

“Annaka. If you ever get tired of dealing with boys and lawyers, there is always a place for you by my side.” Xander cracker the first smile of the night. “We have boys for you to play with too, you know.”

Annaka smiled back. “I don’t need to join to play with Laslow, Big Bro.”

He laughed dryly, amused but exhausted by his retainer. “The camera on 38th on the side of the LA bank.”

“The one that over looks the farmer’s market? Since when do we sell produce? Fuck that’s smart. Thanks, Xander.”

She scrambled up the ladder at half past three am and rode to the bank. In the dead of night, it was more than destitute. Which was good because Annaka had a feeling she was gonna need to pick the lock.

After a few minutes fiddling with the lock to the security entrance, she entered to see the camera room empty. Judging by the cup of coffee on the desk, that meant someone had gotten to the guard before her.

And only one person in this city could get the drop on Annaka.

“Well well well, I never thought I’d see you in the flesh again. Have you gain weight?”

Izaya.

Turning slowly to meet the knife pointed in her direction, Annaka smiled. “Gained as many pounds as you lost inches off your dick.”

“God,” he said, gliding forward to thrust the knife at her chest. As she ducked, he slashed downward, barely catching her left ear. Pain was the word on her mind but the blood would have to wait.

“You have-”

Izaya cut the edge of her denim jacket.

“Always thought-”

A slice aiming for her eyes missing to connect with the metal racks behind her. Izaya scowled as she rolled to the other side of the room. Annaka flicked her skirt up to reveal her own set of precious knives and he rolled his eyes.

“That you’re so cute.”

“You used to think I was.”

“I still think you are.”

“Then I have reason to believe my thoughts!” Annaka ducked under his blade and aimed her own stab at his ankles. Jumping, he laughed.

Now that they had swapped positions in the room, Annaka blew a piece of hair out her eyes and demanded, “Whatever video you took from the camera, I need.”

“Now why do you need something like that?”

“Polly’s needs a-”

Izaya shot forward as she started to answer. She barely had enough time to meet his knife inches from her face. He pushed with all his strength and Annaka’s arms shook under the pressure. Ducking away, his momentum carried him past her. Burying her heel in his back, she helped push him into the racks.

Before he could get up again, she jumped on him, pinning him down with her weight and driving her knife into the ground next to him. “Stay down,” she hissed.

His mouth curled into a beautiful sneer and his knife clattered to the ground. “Do you end up on top with Apollo? You seem used to thi-”

Annaka wrapped her hands around his neck, pressing against his throat. “I know this is the only human touch you’ve felt this week but I need the video, Izaya. No more games.”

His hands flew to hers to uselessly try and loosen her hands. She tightened her grip on his throat until he slapped a pocket of his jacket. Still keeping one hand wrapped around his throat, Annaka searched the pocket before producing a thumbdrive.

“This better have what I need on it, Izaya.”

“It does,” he choked out.

Releasing him, Izaya coughed and gasped for air. “D-damn...when’d you get ruthless?”

She stood up and offered his a hand. After taking it, she hauled him up and dusted him off. There was no room for hard feelings in the underbelly of this city. Next time, it could be his hands strangling her. Izaya examined the bruises forming around his neck in the reflection of his phone screen with a certain appreciation.

“I gotta jet. You need anything?” She offered.

Izaya shook his head. “I’m begging you. Come back and work for me, Anni. There’s nothing in this city that could stand against you and I together.”

“Sorry, but the sunshine is calling my name.” Annaka tossed him his knife. “See ya ‘round.”

In a few seconds, she was back on her bike riding toward the Agency. Before she walked in those, she gave herself a once over in the window. Her ear was still bleeding. Izaya had gotten her pretty damn good. There were probably stitches in her future. Annaka would be sure to send him the bill for that and the jacket he’d now ruined.

“Dick,” she muttered, pulling out bandages from her bike’s seat.

After quickly wrapping herself up, Annaka checked her watch to see the numbers flash 4:42. Apollo was fast asleep on the couch and she set the thumbdrive on his desk, slapping a little post it note on it. Then, exhausted, she fell into his chair and let her head roll back.

“Fucking ridiculous,” she mumbled. Just before she started to recollect herself so she could drive herself to the E.R, Annaka’s phone rang. Her hand unfortunately brought it to her good ear and she growled out a, “Go for Annaka.”

“Annaka! My case! The file! It’s gone and the window is open and I think someone broke into my apartment but they got away before I could kick their butts! But my case file is gone!” Athena wailed, deafening her.

Annaka sighed, hit end call, and stood up. Looks like E.R was gonna have to wait.

#after verdict #writings #I wrote this in like four hours but it bangs #there;s a knife fight #it;s cool

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trade-baby-blues · 6 years

Text

Feint

Pairing: Bones x Reader

Word Count: 1934

Warnings: minor swearing

A/N: Based on a request by an anon! The title is a pun bc the reader faints but also because reader and Bones have kind of rude attitudes to each other so it’s a little like feinting (and also I’m super tired so maybe it’s only funny to me lol). Hope you enjoy!!

Nervous was the best way to describe how you felt around Leonard McCoy. The strong jaw, piercing gaze, terrifying medical equipment -it was a mental recipe for disaster, sending you into a panic every time you were near him. Unfortunately, your fight or flight response was biased to fighting (too many years with Jim, Bones always said) and you came off rude every time you spoke with him.

Bones, for the life of him, couldn’t figure out what he’d done wrong. He’d been smitten from the moment you first got wheeled into Medbay. You and Jim had gone on an away mission and decided to race to the bottom of a hill. In a spark of what you called genius, you grabbed an emergency inflatable raft from the transport ship. Needless to say, neither of you realized the hill ended abruptly in a shallow cliff, and you tumbled out of the raft onto the quarry floor below. Luckily for Jim, you broke his fall. The whole ordeal was so stupid it actually endeared you to Bones as you explained it.

The scoldings, on the other hand, were much less endearing. They became more frequent and more intense as Bones fell harder for you. While he was glad to see you so often, he hated seeing you injured in whatever idiotic shenanigan you and Jim had gotten yourselves into this time. It was a waste of his time and yours.

“Can you believe it,” you shouted to Jim, who was in the shower, while you hung upside down from the side of his bed. “He said I was ‘wasting his time.’”

The water shut off. “Yelling is just how Bones shows he cares,” Jim called from the bathroom.

You scoffed. “Then I’m surprised he hasn’t proposed by now. He yells at me for everything. God, did I tell you that he yelled at me for taking a nap in the conference room chair yesterday? Said it was ‘ruining my posture’ and he wouldn’t help me when I started having back problems.”

Jim poked his head out from the bathroom, wet hair sticking up at odd angles. “You took a nap in the conference room yesterday? Weren’t you on shift?”

“Yes, but that’s not the point Jim. The point is Bones has a stick up his ass the size of Georgia and -.”

“And I think that’s enough,” Jim said ducking back into the bathroom before emerging with a towel draped around his waist. “I love a good shit-talk, but Bones is my friend, too. I don’t wanna get in the middle of whatever this is. It’s weird.”

“So is seeing you walking around in a towel, but that hasn’t stopped you.”

Jim turned around on his way to his closet. “Because it’s my room. Trust me, I would prefer to be naked.”

“Aw, thanks for saving me the nightmares.”

“Get out,” Jim laughed. You acquiesced, bouncing up from the bed so fast you felt a little dizzy. You brushed it off and made your way back to work.

Bones slammed his breakfast tray down on the table. Stabbed his food. Chomped as if his teeth were grinding down rocks instead of pancakes. Jim watched, bagel halfway in his mouth, before dropping it back to his plate with a sigh. “What’s got your eyebrow twitching today, Bones?”

“Nothing.” He stabbed his food again. Stab. Chomp. Stab. Chomp.

“You sure about-”

“I just don't understand what I did wrong,” Bones cut in. “I've gone out of my way to ensure Y/N gets the best treatment and knows how to take care of herself after whatever stupid shenanigans the two of you have gotten into and she acts like I’m some dictator trying to control her life when all I’m doing is trying to show her I care, you know?” Jim nodded along, trying to respond but being cut off again before he could say anything. “I’ll be damned. That’s the problem, isn’t it? I care about her so much I’ve been smothering her. I’ve got to find her.” Bones shoveled the last few mouthfuls of food into his mouth before practically sprinting out of the mess hall.

Jim stared at the empty space in front of him and sighed. “Thanks for the talk, Jim,” he muttered to himself. “You’re a great listener and a great captain. You’re the best, Jim.”

You threw your wrench to the ground, sending it clattering across the engine room floor. Sweat felt like a permanent accessory on your skin, and you weren’t sure which was louder: the roaring of machines or the roaring of your own heartbeat. When had you gotten so out of shape?

“Maybe it really is time for a physical,” you told yourself as you clambered back down to collect your tools for the day. The floor seemed to shift as you bent forward, barely managing to catch yourself before your face hit the metal floor beneath you. “Hm. Weird and not at all terrifying,” you whispered, keeping your hands and knees firmly planted as you waited for the dizziness to fade. “Probably dehydrated, which would also explain why I’m talking to a wrench.” You pressed your forehead against the floor, hoping the coolness of the metal would help abate the heat and lightheadedness plaguing your body.

The noise around you grew quieter as you focused on your breathing, on the solid ground beneath you, on anything but the overwhelming pounding in your chest. You came to realize your body wasn’t hot - your chest was. It felt like your heart was ready to burst out of it, pumping as if you’d run a marathon rather than climbed a ladder. You fought past the ever encroaching whiteness at the edge of your vision to fish through your toolkit for your Comm, hoping to reach Scotty or Jim or anyone and tell them where you were, but you could feel your arms get heavier with each move you made. Your fingers wrapped around the Comm like a life raft as you slipped past the edge of consciousness.

Bones tried to pretend like it didn’t upset him that you were avoiding his calls, but he’d always been one to wear his emotions on his sleeve, and right now his sleeves were pushed to his elbows, crushed and wrinkled, as he buried himself in paperwork to forget about the messages he’d sent you hours ago. Of course, he’d wanted to confess his feelings in person, but, when he couldn’t find you, Bones had to settle for a Comm call. When you didn’t respond, he was forced to settle for a bottle of whiskey and the realization that maybe you simply hated him after all. It was all the same. He’d gotten used to being alone.

That didn’t stop him from jumping from his seat the second his Communicator started ringing. He tried to remind himself that he was an adult, but the mix of alcohol and nerves made Bones damn near drop the Comm half a dozen times before he finally answered.

“Hello.” Bones made a note to not sound so breathless. There was no answer. “Anyone there?” There was a buzzing of machinery in the background but no voice, no sounds of movement. Bones pondered his next move before hanging up and dialing your Comm. It rang and rang but you didn’t pick up. Bones shifted gears and called Jim, asking him to call you before Jim could get a word in. Then, he paced impatiently around his office waiting for Jim to call him back.

“Did she pick up,” Bones started as soon as he answered the call.

“You know,” Jim said, “I am the captain of this ship. I have a job to do. Responsibilities. Plus, I’m technically your boss, so you shouldn’t be so rude to me.”

“Damn it, Jim, I think something might be seriously wrong with Y/N. Did she answer or not?”

“No, she -”

“Meet me down in Engineering.” Bones ended the call as quickly as it started, leaving Jim on the other end, staring into deep space wondering if his being captian meant anything to anyone besides himself.

Everything was bright. Everything was loud. The cotton sheets scratched at your skin, but you were unable to move. Your limbs were lead. Your eyelids like cathedral doors you had to pry open. You tried to focus on the face hovering above you.

“Is that you God? Odin? That cute delivery guy who brought us pizza on our last shore leave?” Your voice came out muddled, but Jim’s laughter hit your ears crystal clear.

“Yeah, I’d say she’s gonna be just fine, Bones.” Jim clapped him on the shoulder.

Bones scoffed. “Just fine? She’s got a heart condition, Jim. There’s nothing fine about that.”

“Someone’s in a bad mood,” you mumbled as you pushed yourself up on the bed. “You’d think you’re the one who got diagnosed with a heart condition.” “As often as the two of you wind up in here, I’m surprised I don’t already have one. God, do you have any idea how dangerous it is to work under the conditions down in Engineering with an arrhythmia?”

You furrowed your brow. “Arrhythmia?”

“An irregular heartbeat.”

“That explains so much…” you whispered in response. Silence fell as Bones glared at you.

“How long have you been having symptoms?”

You avoided his gaze, staring at the hem of the sheet you were lying under. “I don’t know. Not super long. Maybe a couple weeks.”

“A couple weeks,” Bones yelled louder than he intended. He reigned himself in again. “You didn’t think it was something you should mention? I mean, the dizziness, the heart palpitations - they’re all pretty noticeable symptoms.”

“I’m not a doctor,” you said defensively. “I didn’t know what it was! I thought it was just because I have a stupid crush on you and I was nervous or something.” You clapped your hand over your mouth, eyes wide, heart racing again.

“This ain’t a romance novel, sugar,” Bones laughed, which made your cheeks redder than they already were. “Your heart’s not supposed to flutter.”

“Yeah, well I realize it’s not a romance novel or I wouldn’t be lying in a paper gown covered in dust and engine grease in front of a smoking hot doctor.” You crossed your arms over your chest, sinking back into the pillow and wishing, more than anything, that you could sink through the bed and drift off through space to a planet a few systems away from here.

“I like a girl who’s not afraid to get dirty,” Bones teased.

“Aaaaand that’s my cue to leave,” Jim interrupted. “You crazy kids have fun.”

You watched Jim go, hoping he could feel your eyes on his back begging him to stay or at the very least smother you with your own pillow. Either would do. Sadly, he kept walking, leaving you with Bones and a heavy silence as you were both reduced to grade schoolers tugging nervously at your shirt sleeves.

“So,” you started. “Are you gonna...take care of my heart?” You cringed at how cheesy that sounded. “No, that’s. I’m sorry. Can you fix it?”

Bones couldn’t help but laugh. He’d never seen you nervous before. It was a cute look on you. “I’ll take good care of you, doll.” Bones pressed his hand over yours and everything clicked into place. The tornado of thoughts whirring around your brain finally calmed as you focused on the pressure, the warmth of Bones’ hand over yours. It was a feeling you wanted to hold onto forever.

Tags:

@outside-the-government @martinawalker @thevalesofanduin @goingknowherewastaken @thefanficfaerie @feelmyroarrrr @brooke-taylor0323 @slither-in-a-half @cuddlememerrick @8bit-arc-reactor @jimtkirkisabitch @sjlovestory @kristaparadowski

#star trek imagine #bones x reader #leonard mccoy x reader #bones imagine #leonard mccoy imagine #i feel like my tag list has gotten so small #so many of you have changed urls and I can't tag you anymore :(

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axiumin · 6 years

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Take Care | Jinyoung x Reader

Anonymous said: hi! if its alright w you i'd like to request for an angsty jinyoung scenario where you overwork yourself and you're v stubborn and you dont listen to jinyoung's pleas to take better care of yourself so he finally snaps one day after seeing you fall sick bc of it. please end it w fluff!! thank you so much!! im looking forward to reading it! have a great day! 💖💖💖

Thank you for your request, anon! I hope you enjoy!

You supposed everyone had a breaking point. Jinyoung reached his when he found you feverish and half-delirious.

Pairing: Jinyoung x Reader

Genre: Angst and fluff

Words: 3.4k+

Your apartment door closed behind you with a ‘thunk’. With a noise somewhere between a sigh and a groan, you eased your heavy work bag off of your shoulder and tried to force the tense muscles of your back to relax.

It had been another long day of rushing to meetings, juggling assignment deadlines, and floundering in what seemed like an ever-increasing workload. These kinds of days were always exhausting, but they stayed manageable as long as they remained few and far in between. But lately, it felt like you’ve only been having days like this, and the exhaustion was beginning to drag you down. The only reason you made it through the day was the knowledge that tomorrow was Saturday, and that meant blessed rest.

You pulled your phone out to send the customary ‘Just got home!’ text to Jinyoung and shuffled to your bedroom, intent on changing into some sweatpants. You had just faceplanted on your bed when your phone began buzzing against the blanket beside you. A moment of shuffling later, you were face to face with Jinyoung, who smiled at you from your phone screen.

“Hey, babe. How did today go?”

You sighed again but found yourself smiling tiredly back at him.

“It was a day. You know how it is, Jinyoung.”

He leaned closer to his phone and squinted a bit, scrutinizing you.

“Y/N, you look so tired,” he said with a frown. “Have you been getting enough sleep?”

You knew what you looked like. You saw the dark smudges under your eyes and the tiredness that had settled into your face over the last few days. Apparently, a sheet mask wasn’t the miracle cure you had hoped it would be. You sighed and rubbed a hand over your face.

“Honestly, I’ve been pulling a few late nights to try to get some work done. I was kind of thinking I’d stay in this weekend. Just focus on getting some rest so I can get back to normal?” You said this last part as a question, knowing that you usually spent as much of your weekend with Jinyoung as possible. You didn’t want him to think that you weren’t interested in being with him; you were just too tired to go out and do anything.

But Jinyoung only nodded, satisfied.

“Good. I want you to get more rest. I’ll come over tomorrow, and we can just spend the day as lazy as you want. We can nap or watch movies— whatever you want. I just want to make sure you’re happy and healthy, Y/N.”

Your throat tightened a bit as you were momentarily overwhelmed with affection for Jinyoung. He loved teasing you sometimes, but you knew that underneath all that, he was truly caring and protective of you.

“I’d like that,” you whispered back, sinking back into your pillows to listen to Jinyoung tell you about his day until you were lulled to sleep by the sound of his voice.

You woke up to bright light filtering through your window. Groaning, you rolled over to check the time and gasped when you saw that it was already late morning and had no idea when Jinyoung was coming over.

Suddenly awake, you sat up in bed and scrolled through the notifications on your phone, sighing in relief when you saw the messages from Jinyoung.

‘It didn’t take you very long to fall asleep this time. I guess you really do need the rest.’ ‘Unless you’ve only just been pretending to find me interesting all this time.’ ‘😒😒😒’ ‘But really, sleep as late as you need tomorrow. Just text me when you wake up, and I’ll come over when you’re ready. Good night, love you x’

So that was one crisis averted. You didn’t think you’d be able to handle shuffling out to your living room, looking and feeling half-dead, only to unexpectedly find Jinyoung waiting on your couch looking chipper and beautiful. You would know; you already experienced that once, and your heart couldn’t handle it happening a second time.

Knowing you had a moment to yourself, you stretched languidly, relishing in the sound of your back popping. Yeah, that was some much-needed sleep. You then took a moment to text Jinyoung back with a simple ‘I’m awake!’ before shuffling to your bathroom to shower and get ready for the day.

You were fully clothed and your hair was half-dried when you finally heard the knock on your door. Good timing.

You opened your door to reveal Jinyoung. He was wearing a hoodie and track pants, and he had left his hair unstyled. As he greeted you with a one-armed hug and a kiss, you couldn’t help but feel excited, knowing you were in for a ‘soft boyfriend’ sort of a day.

“Hey, you,” he murmured as he pulled away. He held up a plastic bag. “I brought food.”

“You’re too good to me.”

Soon, the two of you were seated on your couch, a rather impressive take-out affair spread across your coffee table. The rumbling of your stomach had you piling food on your plate, and you couldn’t help but be glad that you happened to be dating someone who loved food as much as you did. Jinyoung always brought the good stuff, and he always brought a lot.

“Ugh, this is too good. You need to try this,” you gushed after taking a particularly tasty bite of food. You held up another bite of food to Jinyoung’s mouth, and he happily opened up for you.

“I’m glad you like it,” he said, around his mouthful of food. And really, ew. “I tried this place out after practice earlier this week, and I thought I’d try taking you sometime. I hear they have really good appetizers, but I haven’t tried all of them yet.” You hummed, waiting until after you finished swallowing your next mouthful to reply.

“Honestly, any food sounds good right now. I’ve been so busy lately that I’ve been missing meals. I was so tired when I got home last night that I didn’t even have dinner!” You shook your head, though your annoyance with your past self was becoming more distant the more you appeased your hungry stomach.

Next to you, Jinyoung stopped eating in favor of frowning at you.

“Y/N, you shouldn’t let your work get in the way of your health like this.” He reached up and carefully brushed the pad of his thumb under your eye, which was still darkened with fatigue. “First, you lost sleep, and then you missed meals? What can be so important that it takes precedence over your health?”

You sighed and grabbed his hand, pulling it away from your face so you could lace your fingers together. It was frustrating for you, too. It’s not like you enjoyed feeling so dogged by work— honestly, you would love to take more breaks if you didn’t feel anxious about your workload every time you tried to rest. But as you saw the sincere concern on Jinyoung’s face, your frustration faded.

“You’re right, Jinyoung.”

He cracked a wry smile at that. “I never get tired of hearing you say that.” He sobered a bit before adding, “Promise me. Promise me that you’ll try to take better care of yourself.”

You brought your joined hands up to your lips to press a kiss to his knuckles.

“I’ll try my best. I promise.”

Jinyoung held your gaze for a moment longer before finally nodding in satisfaction. You watched as his seriousness melted away into playfulness and he started to whine a bit.

“Then it’s time for you to pay attention to me, Y/N. We have an entire afternoon of rest ahead of us, and I need you to show me how much you appreciate your kind, loving boyfriend who brings wonderful food for you and looks out for your health!”

Chuckling, you obligingly opened your arms for him and contented yourself in spending the rest of the day sharing cuddles and bites of food with Jinyoung.

An entire weekend of lounging around the house with Jinyoung left you feeling almost rested going into the new week. Unfortunately, by the time you were halfway through Monday, it was like you had taken a step forward only to take two steps back. You felt just as exhausted and tense as you had on Friday.

To make matters worse, you ended up working through your usual lunch break just to try to catch up with the tide of incoming tasks. Even as your stomach grumbled and you longed for even a short respite, you continued to push through. When you finally got home for the day, it was all you could do to cram some food in your mouth and plop down onto your bed for some much-needed rest.

The next day was much of the same. And the day after that, too.

The shadows under your eyes became more prominent, and between the missing sleep and the inconsistent eating, you were becoming increasingly sluggish. Jinyoung often texted you with reminders to take a break and eat something, but deadlines hung over your head like a stormcloud, bringing a fresh wave of anxiety every time you even thought about taking a break. The only thing that kept you going was the realization that you were slowly but surely making an impact on your workload; there was an end in sight.

This meant that you were all the more devastated when you woke up Friday morning with a pounding headache and a fever. If you felt sluggish before, now it felt as if you were trying to push through molasses with every move you made. Your brain felt slow and heavy, and even your tongue felt too thick in your mouth. Everything required more effort and energy than you had in you.

You sat on the edge of your bed for what felt like forever, just staring at your phone, considering whether or not you should call out of work for the day. You did.

A heavy sigh left your body when you hung up the phone, but it felt more like you got punched in the gut. It was as if all of that hard work you had put into finishing your projects was being thrown away, ironically because you had worked too hard and your body apparently decided to remind you of your humanity.

Your eyes burned with exhaustion and unshed tears, but you blinked them away. If you couldn’t physically go anywhere to work, then at least you could try to get something done from home, right? You sent Jinyoung a quick text explaining that you were unwell and would be staying home today, and you settled in at your desk to do what you could.

Your work went by agonizingly slowly. It was only desperation that kept you working through your headache, though you felt like your work was only being compounded as you kept making mistakes that you had to go back and fix. Frustration simmered in your belly and was on the verge of swelling up, hot and terrible, when you heard a key turn in your door.

Immediately, your head whipped up to see Jinyoung walk through the door, carrying a bag and a paper cup. He froze in place when he saw you sitting at your desk. You saw the exact moment he realized what you were doing.

“Y/N…” he started quietly, eyes beginning to narrow.

Quite suddenly, you felt very overwhelmed. For a moment, it was like you were oddly disconnected from your body, as if you were watching from a distance as you sat at your desk almost listlessly, surrounded by papers and the bright glow of your laptop. But then the moment passed just as soon as it had started and you had to blink back the dizziness as you were suddenly very much back in your body, staring helplessly into Jinyoung’s increasingly stormy face.

“Please tell me that you haven’t been sitting here all morning, working when you’re supposed to have the day off.”

You opened your mouth to speak, but he was just getting started.

“You work yourself ragged every day! You haven’t been eating, you haven’t been sleeping, and when you finally have a perfectly good reason not to go to work, you don’t take it for what it is and get some rest. No, you go and you do more work! You’re going to kill yourself if you keep doing this!” He gestured sharply at this and nearly dropped the cup he was holding. He visibly reined himself in, put down his load, and marched over to your desk to start piling up your papers.

“Jinyoung, I—”

“No!” He whipped around to look at you, eyes blazing. “Don’t you remember promising me that you would try to take better care of yourself? You promised me this, Y/N. But you broke your promise, and now here we are. What could possibly be so important to you that you’d prioritize it over your health?”

You knew that he was angry because he was worried. You knew that he cared about you. But that knowledge didn’t do anything to stave off the tears that welled up in your eyes as he yelled at you. You shrank back in your chair, shying away from his looming form.

If he noticed your reaction, he didn’t comment. Jinyoung just turned away from you to finish gathering your work. He tucked it, along with your laptop, under his arm and disappeared into your bedroom. He reappeared a moment later, empty-handed, and slammed the door behind him.

For a moment, he just stood in your living room, hands clenching and unclenching at his sides. Your gaze fell as the first tear slipped from your eye. Jinyoung was perfectly right, you knew. But at this point you were just so exhausted and anxious and jittery that you wanted nothing more than to just take a break from everything for just a moment, just long enough for you to put your life back in order.

Neither of you moved for a long moment, save for your near-imperceptible shaking. Neither of you said anything; Jinyoung had said all he had to say, and you had nothing to add.

Eventually, you heard rather than saw Jinyoung move to crouch in front of you, ducking his head to see your face. You saw the corners of his mouth tug down in a frown when he noticed your tears, and he raised his hand to cup your cheek.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” he said, his voice nearly a whisper. “It just kills me to see you do this to yourself. Please, Y/N, take better care of yourself. Put your wellbeing first.”

You nodded mutely, unable to speak around the lump in your throat. Jinyoung sighed and pulled you in for a hug. For an indeterminable amount of time, the two of you sat there, just clinging to each other. The fight— if you could really call it that— used up all of the emotion and energy you could offer, and it left you feeling drained and oddly hollow.

When you and Jinyoung finally parted, you felt like a ragdoll, limp and weak. Jinyoung helped you stand, but all you could do when you regained your footing was rest against him.

“Y/N?” he asked, concerned.

“I feel weird,” you mumbled. You leaned your head in the crook of his neck.

“You have a fever, Y/N. Your face is really hot right now.”

Yeah, that sounded about right. But you didn’t really any energy left to do anything about it, so you stayed where you were and just made a small noise at the back of your throat.

You felt Jinyoung carefully scoop you up and carry you into your bedroom. You said nothing as he set you on your unmade bed, but you managed a small “Wait,” when he turned to walk away.

Jinyoung turned back, resting a hand on your feverish forehead and smiling, small and hesitant.

“I’ll be back, I promise. I just need to put some things away first.” You let him go without protest this time, and your eyes slipped shut before he was out the door.

The golden glow of sunset was casting your room in warm amber tones by the time you woke up with a groan. Every muscle in your body protested when you moved. Reluctantly, you forced yourself into a sitting position, turning when you heard the shuffle of blankets from beside you.

Jinyoung’s eyes fluttered open. He made a noise and quickly sat up once he noticed you were awake and watching him.

“Y/N. How are you feeling?”

You took a moment to consider this before answering truthfully.

“Sore. But my headache is gone, and I feel like my fever is down, too.”

Jinyoung pressed a hand to your forehead, letting it linger for perhaps just a bit longer than necessary before pulling away and nodding.

“I think you’re right.”

Silence settled heavily between the two of you for a moment, though neither of you averted your eyes. Jinyoung was the first to relent.

“I’m so sorry I yelled at you, Y/N. You already weren’t feeling well, and I only made it worse by taking out my frustration on you.” But you were already shaking your head before he finished speaking.

“Jinyoung, no, it’s fine. I shouldn’t have pushed myself so hard, and I refused to listen to you when you tried to help me.” You took in a shaky breath. “To be honest, I just felt so overwhelmed and anxious that I couldn’t stop working. I know there will be times in the future when I become overwhelmed by work again, and I want to be better about this. I just don’t know how.”

Jinyoung finally closed the distance between the two of you and leaned in until your foreheads touched.

“I’ll help you out, Y/N. I promise. In any way I can. I know you’re feeling anxious, but just know that you’re not alone in this. I’ll always be here for you.”

You sighed, feeling some of the tension release from your shoulders. You hadn’t known how much you needed to hear that.

You knew it wouldn’t be easy for you to go back to work. The stress and the worry would be back before you knew it, but you didn’t have to dwell on that now. You had the rest of the weekend to allow yourself time to get your thoughts in order, and you truly believed Jinyoung when he told you he’d do anything to help you. You could do this.

Monday arrived, and you once again came face-to-face with your workload. It hadn’t built up quite as badly as you had worried, but it was still daunting all the same, and you felt the familiar creep of anxiety when you thought about all you had to do still. But instead of letting it take over, you resolutely focused on only one task at a time. It made things more manageable, and although it was somewhat exhausting to pick up a new task immediately after finishing another, you felt bolstered by the progress you were making.

Besides, it was a little bit easier to get your work done when you knew what was waiting for you. Your phone buzzed at the beginning of your allotted work break, and a smile tugged at your lips.

You and Jinyoung had talked extensively about ways to help you keep track of your eating, and you had agreed to try taking more lunch dates together. Already, you could tell this was a good idea; as you left your desk to meet Jinyoung outside, it felt as if you were leaving your tension behind.

Jinyoung greeted you with a kiss and immediately laced your fingers together.

“Hey, babe. I was thinking I’d take you to this new restaurant I heard about. Originally, Jackson was supposed to go with me, but he took BamBam instead, so I guess that just goes to show that some friendships are based on lies. But enough of that. How are you today?”

You shrugged, your gait feeling light and carefree as you walked down the street hand-in-hand.

“I’m doing great,” you said. It was the truth, and it only got better from there.

#got7 #got7 imagines #got7 scenarios #got7 one shots #kpop #kpop imagines #kpop scenarios #kpop one shots #jinyoung #park jinyoung #jinyoung angst #jinyoung fluff #got7 angst #got7 fluff #my writing

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sjworldtour · 4 years

Text

08/02/20 Freeriding at Kicking Horse Mountain Resort

Woke up and packed up from Revelstoke, Joey drove the snowy highway over to Golden (because she is brave at driving now). Didn't stop in town but carried on up the 10mile snowy mountain road to the ski area, arriving late morning. Efficient parking up and sorting out our lift passes, annoyingly they don't have RFID here so we have to get passes out of pockets amid much glove faff every time we catch a lift from the bottom of the resort.

We had an excellent day's skiing, exploring the plentiful pistes and off-pistes under the three lifts (as with the other canadian resorts, it's so weird how much terrain they can cover with hardly any lifts). We also did a looong ridge traverse (bit of walking on skis, bit of boot packing) round the back of one of the peaks and into Superbowl. Nice snow over there but it's a trek to get there and a trek to get back across again at the bottom. Decided we've done that now and no need to do it again.

Skied all afternoon, made our way to the gondola station at the bottom at 2:50pm and were outraged that it was closed already, when scheduled to run until 3:30pm. Joey asked some strangers which province we're in, thinking we may have accidentally crossed from BC to Alberta without noticing. Turns out we're still in BC but we've changed time zones and are now on Mountain Time. So no more skiing that day, we headed back down the icy icy road, past a van which had swerved off into the snowbank at the side. A big 4x4 was trying to tug it out as we went past but the tug rope broke. We are driving super slowly and carefully round here.

Checked into the dreamcatcher hostel, after a bit of a mission finding it as google doesn't really know where it is. Later some of the staff were laughing because someone was complaining it wasn't signposted and they argued that it's bright yellow and on a corner and has dreamcatcher written in big on the side. Still hard to find though. Hostel is lovely, there's a big kitchen and living space with loads of games including miniature floor curling. We somehow booked a private room again. Met a guy called Conran who we have promised a lift up to the ski area in the morning, and witnessed a one-upmanship of two ski tourers who were trying to out-wilderness story each other.

KH day 2 we woke up, Joey stole porridge from the free food cupboard for breakfast, and we and Conran squeezed in the car and headed up the hill. Another wonderful day's skiing, plus the Freeride World Tour was happening all morning off of Ozone summit. We took a place along the opposite ridge which was packed with spectators and watched 10 or so lines until we got too chilly and had to get moving. These people are completely incredible and have zero fear, leaping off huge rocks and cornices and doing ridiculous things. Sam pointed out a nice looking line and we cheered when someone did it beautifully. We think he might have won the men's skiing competition. Finally skied off down into the bowl, feeling a bit self conscious with the massive audience above us.

Another highlight of the day was boot packing part way up the T1 peak and skiing a lovely line down under a via ferrata bridge. The snow was gorgeous and Sam took us on a great and little used route above an outcrop and into a secret gully for a few turns.

On the way back down to town yet another car had come off the road, eek. We wandered into Golden in the afternoon but were uninspired by the town and couldn't get the enthusiasm to look in any shops (there weren't really any). Someone drove past with two bikes and two kayaks strapped to the car, they must be confused what season it is.

The hostel has a whole shelf of Growlers for guests to use, and we took one to the Whitetooth brewery a few blocks over and filled it up with pleasantly cheap beer. Had tasty drinks and played some games before bed.

Joey got up at 3am for a job interview. The hostel is fairly small and in an effort not to wake up the whole house, she took the laptop to the downstairs bathroom and set up a toilet-floor-office. Pointed the laptop towards the wall so the interviewers couldn't actually see any toilets. Bit tragic though.

KH day 3 was yet another day of fun skiing - we love this resort. We went up Stairway to Heaven for the first time, a staircase perched at the top of a chairlift to get keen (/crazy) people up to the ridge line and over into the next set of bowls. As we were dropping along the ridgeline an avalanche blast went off unnervingly close in front of us, where they are blasting to re-open the Ozone face after yesterday's competition. Ears pounding we dropped into the bowl at that point rather than getting any closer, and had a stunning run all the way to the bottom of the resort. There was a decent chunk of new snow that morning and we had a great time on some tree-ey faces and redid our via ferrata route.

We had lunch in a yurt at the bottom of the slope and skied a respectable amount in the afternoon, although legs are starting to get tired from many days consecutive skiing. Seems the day off we had in Kelowna hiking up a mountain was not as restorative as it could have been.

At home we ate super cheap pizza and tasty chips, refilled our Growler and worked through it playing drinking mini floor curling. We got dramatically worse at it and had to invent a collaborative game so that Joey didn't just have to drink all the time. We wandered to a bar up the street and popped our heads in, but then instead of buying a drink we got straight on a shuttle bus up to the ski area. There was a Freeride Tour after party in the main lodge which we'd seen online but felt a bit apprehensive about as there was literally no one else on this bus up to it. It was pretty busy though, and we had a fun time dancing to the very indie band. Getting home was more dramatic, we left as the band played their last song so that we could be near the front of the queue for the shuttle. Unfortunately though, when one turned up there was a huge rush for it, and only a stupidly tiny one had come up which fit all of about 12 people in. So we shivered in the cold for the next half an hour or so, chatting to another group who had also narrowly missed out on a ride home. One of the girls kept calling to people getting into cars not to drink and drive. Then she tried to cadge a lift with her friend, who just drove straight past her in a slightly heartbreaking way. After what felt like many years another, bigger, bus turned up and a bunch of us piled on. One of our new friends was determinedly trying to get everyone to sing, we were obviously keen but the cool kids were having none of it. Not until Backstreet Boys was suggested, at which point everyone enthusiastically got involved. Finally got back to the hostel about 1:30 am.

0 notes

thelastspeecher · 7 years

Note

🐣Would work perfectly for the deaged aus! (Stan and Ford pls?)

🐣 - phoenix

Okay, a bit of explanation: I came up with a scenario, where Stan and Ford, after somehow reconciling instead of fighting in 1982, work together to shut down the portal for good. As thanks for protecting Gravity Falls from such an evil, the local phoenix blesses the two of them. Unfortunately, a phoenix blessing results in complete reversion to being a newborn infant; a complete blank slate, being reborn, like the phoenix is. This (apparently omnipotent) phoenix dropped them off at Fiddleford’s house, since Fiddleford knew Ford. However, that’s not where the twins actually end up. I think the writing should fill in the rest of the blanks. Some of it’s under a cut bc boy it got LONG.

Send me an emoji and I’ll write you a ficlet!

Dan Corduroy was in the middleof whittling a chipmunk from a chunk of cedar when he heard a knock on thefront door. He set down the partiallycarved rodent with a small frown.

There’s a blizzard. Who the hellis outside in this weather? Danstood and walked over to the door. Whenhe opened it, he was hit with a burst of cold air. He looked around. There was no one there. His ears picked up on a faintwhimpering. He looked down. There was a basket on the doorstep, just infront of his feet. Its contents werecovered by a blanket. Dan crouched downand carefully picked up a corner of the blanket. His eyes widened. The whimpering had come from two infants,which were nestled together in the basket. Dan swallowed.

I better bring ‘em in. He pickedup the basket and brought it inside. Nowthey were in a warm environment, Dan took the blanket off the babies. Dressed in matching red onesies, they peeredup at him. The one on the left had apiece of paper stuck to its chest. Danreached out to take the paper, and was immediately grabbed by the infant. He tried to free himself, but the baby clungto him determinedly. Dan accepted defeatwith a small chuckle.

“You’re a TOUGH one, huh?” herumbled, picking up the infant. The babynestled against his chest and closed its eyes. Dan detached the paper and read it.

—–

DanCorduroy,

Thesetwin boys were left in my charge. But Ican’t take care of them in my state. Theyhave no parents, siblings, or other relatives. They are all alone.

Thesystem wouldn’t suit them, I can tell. There’s something special about them. They deserve a shot at life, one that I believe they could only have ifyou took care of them.

You’re agood man, and while you are young, I know these boys will be safe under yourroof. Raise them as your own, or assomeone else’s. But don’t let them getseparated, and don’t let them leave Gravity Falls, where I can keep an eye onthem.

Their namesare Stanley and Stanford. As far as I’mconcerned, they’re Corduroy boys now.

Godspeed.

-F

—–

Dan finished reading the letter,a strange tight feeling in his chest. The infant he was holding made a smacking sound with his lips. The one left in the basket was still staringat him.

“Dunno if you two are CORDUROYmaterial,” Dan told the babies. The onein the basket blinked slowly at him. Danfelt a small smile quirk his lips.

Dan, don’t jump into this. You’rebarely old enough to buy beer. You livewith your big brother. Can you really bea dad? He thought about what theletter said. “As far as I’m concerned, they’re Corduroy boys now.”

“THINK you can HANDLE it?” Danasked the babies. The one he was holdingmade a small noise. The one in thebasket blinked again. “EH. WHAT the hell. Boys, let’s GET you some FOOD.”

—–

A fight.

Reconciliation.

Fire. So much fire.

Stanley Corduroy woke with agasp, his heart pounding in his ears, and a bird’s cry still echoing in hismind.

“Lee? You all right?” a groggy voice asked. Lee looked over at the other bed in theroom. His twin brother was rubbing hiseyes blearily.

“Uh, yeah, Ford, I thinkso. Just that nightmare again.”

“Careful. You keep losing sleep like that, you won’tqualify for finals.”

“Pfft,” Lee scoffed. “I can win those lumberjack competitions withmy eyes closed and two hands tied behind my back.” There was loud knocking at the door. “Yeah?” The door opened. Manly DanCorduroy poked his head in, splintering part of the doorframe as he did so.

“About TIME you boys gotUP. Someone’s here to SEE you.”

“What? Who?” Ford asked. Dan shrugged, breaking more of thedoorframe. Ford sighed. “Dad, you’re doing it again.”

“OH. It’s the Corduroy SHOULDERS.”

“Yeah. And I’m glad I didn’t get ‘em,” Lee said,getting out of bed. A strange expressioncrossed Dan’s face. “Something wrong,Dad?”

“Uh, NO. Just get READY. This guy’s some CITY folk. REALLY wants to TALK to you.”

“City folk?” Ford said. “Why would some city guy come out here totalk to us?”

“Get DRESSED and we’ll all FINDout,” Dan rumbled, closing the twins’ bedroom door. They could hear wood splintering as he walkedaway.

“Good thing you’re good atwoodworking, huh, bro?” Lee asked Ford teasingly. Ford sighed.

“Shut up.” Lee sniggered. “Let’s just get dressed and figure out whatthis guy wants from us.”

Ten minutes later, Lee and Fordwalked into the living room, playfully shoving each other and laughing.

“Holy Moses,” a low voicesaid. Lee and Ford looked over. Sitting on the couch next to their stepmomwas the “city folk”. He had a squarejaw, brown hair, and a large ruddy nose that the twins recognizedimmediately. The stranger smiled at themweakly. “Wow. You two look…look just like them.”

“Just like who?” Ford asked,sitting on the armchair across from the couch. Lee perched himself on its arm.

“Your, ah, your father anduncle,” the stranger answered, his eyes suddenly teary. Lee snorted.

“Yeah, sure, we definitely look like Dad. We’re totallybroad-shouldered redheads with loud voices,” Lee said sarcastically.

“WHAT do you MEAN, LOUD VOICE?”Dan asked from the adjacent kitchen. 16-month-old Wendy, sitting in her high chair, giggled.

“Dad. We have to wear ear plugs when you sing inthe shower,” Lee said. Dan grumbledindistinctly and returned to frying a large amount of bacon for breakfast.

“No, I- Dan, you didn’t tellthem?” the stranger said. Dan froze fora split second before shrugging.

“Never came up.”

“‘Never came up’? They’re fifteen and you’ve never bothered totell them they were adopted?” the stranger demanded. Ford froze.

“Whoa, whoa, hey!” Lee shouted,jumping up. “Look, guy, I don’t know whoyou are or why you’re here, but you don’t have the right to lie and say we’readopted!” He looked over at Dan. “Tell ‘im, Dad!”

“He’s telling the truth,” Dansaid, in an uncharacteristically subdued voice. Lee deflated.

“What?”

“As I understand it, you twowere left on Dan’s doorstep shortly after you were born,” the strangersaid. “He took you in, raised you likehis own sons.”

“No,” Ford whispered. Lee puffed up again.

“Who are you?” Lee demanded.

“I’m your father’s olderbrother. Sherman Pines. But you can call me your Uncle Shermie.”

“Not gonna happen,” Lee muttered, crossing his arms.

“You- you know our biological father?”Ford asked quietly. Shermie nodded.

“Yes. I actually- I think it’s interesting, thatyou two were named the same as your father and uncle. Which one of you is Stanford?” Shermieasked. Ford raised a six-fingeredhand. A sad look crossed Shermie’sface. “Down to the twelve fingers, even.”

“That weird SCIENTIST that livedup the WAY, HE had twelve fingers,” Dan said. He shrugged. “Thought IT wasFUNNY this baby did too. PAPER said one ofthe boys was named STANFORD, so I sorta NAMED him after that SCIENTIST.”

“Appropriate, given that the ‘weirdscientist’ is actually these boys’ uncle,” Shermie said. “Lee and Ford, you are my younger brotherStanley’s children. I don’t know whoyour mother is; Fiddleford didn’t know.”

“Fiddleford?” Ford said. He frowned. “Mr. McGucket?”

“Yes. Apparently, he was the person who dropped youtwo off here. The two of you were leftat his house, at first, but he wasn’t mentally capable of raising two infants,so he left you with someone he trusted, and someone your Uncle Stanfordtrusted,” Shermie explained. He dug apiece of paper out of his pocket. “Thisnote was left when Fiddleford found you.” Lee took the paper from Shermie. He and Ford read it together.

—–

I haveto leave unexpectedly. I trust you totake care of my nephews. My twin brotherStanley’s children. They were given tome by their mother, who was unable to track Stanley down. I plan on finding Stanley myself, to ensurethese boys have their father. In themeantime, protect them.

I willreturn when I find Stan.

Thankyou,

StanfordPines

—–

Ford and Lee finished readingthe letter. They looked up at Shermie,identical upset expressions on their faces. Shermie smiled hesitantly.

“I know this is a lot to takein. But I had to meet my nephews. And I thought you’d want to meet your uncle.” Ford and Lee continued to stare at him. Shermie stood up with a sigh. “I’ll be in town for a few days, if you wouldlike to meet up later. I really wouldlike to get to know you two.”

“Uh, yeah,” Ford stammered. “We’ll- we’ll be in touch.” Shermie looked at the twins hopefully.

“You will?”

“Yeah,” Lee said firmly. He smiled. “We will.”

#Gravity Falls #Manly Dan Corduroy #Stanley Pines #Stanford Pines #Shermie Pines #ficlet #my writing #writing meme #ask #thats-the-way-the-news-goes #Phoenix AU

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chikotos · 7 years

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speaking of That my mom is finally recognizing that when I say “i dont feel good” it doesnt mean i have a cold or sth its that Uh, im probably experiencing suicidal thoughts and cant express it well (or at least smth along those lines) and my house has been dirty cuz i havent cleaned in a while or i cant keep it clean and she n my sister cleaned an area and i repeatedly told her not to bc shes always using my sister to do things im not adequate enough to do on time and its rlly not fair to her even if she doesnt realize it cuz like shes only 12 & we dont ever even talk so she shouldnt have to take care of someone 5 years older than her.. and i was gonna clean but I basically slept all day so i could just clean alone at night when I feel safe to walk around the house . i wasnt even tired idk why i slept but now im eerily awake and maybe will be umless i force myself to sleep

its so lonely here and thats only hit me like this year cuz all the time before I would go through periods of hanging out after school maybe.. twice a year? and only hanging out with one person whod have many friends but theyd b my only friend which is a problem i tend to have. but it jst got to the point where im realizing, i think cuz i was in my schools drama program n exposed to lots of friendships, that im jst like ,really fucking lonely. Which is unfortunate because ive always been such an internal person at home and have been able to work creatively but thats all like leaving me? art doesnt make me happy anymore because i dislike my art so much and havent had a platform to share it in so long and i guess I thrive on other ppls opinions of it? and I definitely cant write anymore. I havent been able to zone in on an interest in MONTHS and thats left me creatively drained, a lot.

I think im starting to rlly, RLLY redirect my complete attention from interests to ppl (which always ends well am i right lads) and it isnt fair to ppl who like, have others and need space and time etc or Uh, dont even know me. but its like a switch like , I can either be creative or i can feel loved and Boy Howdy, do i need both,

its just weird cuz im the only one in my family thats emoitonal like this and I think thats why i feel so isolated. like im not exxagerating when I say my dad has 0 friends tht arent family. my mom has work friends she will hang out with maybe 4 times a year not for work, but shes always complaining abt social situations which I can understand. maybe my siblings r like that too but my sisters young n focuses on minecraft n stuff n hangs out w friends more than me n we barely know each other so its not like id know, maybe my half brother is but whens the last time hes wanted to talk to me right. like i cry all the time and all it does is make my dad angry at memfor being incompetent and make my mom think its her fault and my sister confused and jst takes up everyones time

and its jst all v strange. like i was kinda raised 2 not have friends, inadvertantly i guess. i can remember my mom trying to make me feel better about something along the lines of u can b okay w/out friends if u have family but she jst told me friends dont matter and im never gonna talk to ppl i meet at my age as an adult, so it stuck w/ me and i started to make moral judgements on ppl on small things we could talk out like say, they use homophobic language sometimes but im sure theyd respect me enough to stop, but id make those judgements before we could befriend each other n take a chance, kinda to protect myself from attachments? but later in life ive found ppl who dont do stuff like that, and thats when i focus in on them im an unfair way to them and they r the only person/group of ppl in my life, etc etc and idk how to stop because im so scared of hanging out w/ most ppl alone i guess? but ill still be here, thinking about like example (namedrop bc he doesnt have me tumblr anyways) my friend jacob tht never hung out w/ me outside of school but i fuccin loved that kid n he just stopped talking to me over the summer n ignored my text i send first day of summer and now we see each other and talk briefly but its like he wont let us be friends anymore and smth like this always happens and its So

and tbh how can i expect it to not happen when i limit myself so much n they will have plenty of other close close friends when i dont? and i think ive gotten better but idk anymore.

and uh, unrelated. I think my dog ive had for 12 years may have to end up being put down this year. hes got cataracts in both eyes and skin diseases and back problems and teeth problems (hes inbred) and hes losing his hearing too and for the past two weeks hes been peeing everywhere and we can let him out but he cant climb stairs anymore n he has to walk them to get to our yard and im the only one w/ the patience to pick him up (hes only 8 pounds) n put him in the yard bc my parents will jst scream at him n my sister doesnt like dogs and hes got seperation issues w me and whines when he cant be in my room which is the farthest from the door out n stuff. and its like rlly stressful my mom will scream at him in front of my sister n brother n me and the other day she said my dad grabbed him by the neck and threw him out on the concrete cuz he peed inside and hes so tiny that thats just gonna make everyting worse and its notmlike i can stop them bc why would anyone listen to me and hed prob b fine for s few more years if he lived in a patient house with ppl who would take him to the vet but theyre prob gonna put him down early snd its gonna b so weird w/out him

when i showered earlier i took s razor with me w/ the intent to cut my thighs, and i did a little, but i never ever draw blood wnd its strange. why am i given these urges when im so fucking terrified of blood. itll still leave marks n stuff but it makes me feel weak ? n ill bruise myself up instead but its never the same. and im such an advocate for help w self harm but i cant for myself. its like i subconsciously want 2 get caught ? idk. i did throw my razor away though and the others i have r rusty and im not THAT much of a dumbass so i dont have options to self harm anymore unless i get new ones. lifehack

and uh lol, having no schedule n it being summer my eating habits r SHIT. it always hurts to eat p much, its at different times n most of the time i just snck only or i dont eat for hours n see black spots n stuff. and when i dont eat its not a body image thing (im nt rlly happy w my nody but its not sth not eating will help with) its cuz i dknt wanna go upstairs for food where my dad is n the snacks r downstairs so its easier, or cuz i forget or cuz i like, want to punish myself? but im too lazy to self harm. its weird

n since ive stopped id’ing as ace officially my internalized lesbophobia has gotten so much worse . im so repressed and lost ans sad, nothinng rly makes sense? I either fall in love w/ anyone who flirts with me or i focus on someone who ill never fucking talk to or see again and imagine countless scenarios n set myself up to b sad. i seek validation from ppl on it but nothhing comes out right or i just cant say it, because other than when i make myself the butt of gay jokes i just cant sven get the words out of my throat that im gay cuz im jst so ashamed and disgusted with myself. ive been looking at pictures of guys lately cuz ive been trying to force myself to like them. back when i thought i was pan it always felt safer bc i could always just love a cis guy or whatever and everything would b okay for my family ykno. and its such a shameful thing for me bc my irl friends who im out to, most see me as v confident abt it at least a little bc im loud abt it u kno, and make all sorts of jokes, and i jst know so many would b surprised or like sad abt that

i want to stop liking girls so much. like holy shit. i have so many straight girl friends and i hate it when they flirt with me because lik, none r my type so i feel nothing but then i feel like i shiuld then feel like No i shouldnt then feel like i shouldnt even be around them bc im a gross disgusting creepo dyke predator. n they always use the excuse of me having a gf so its fine id never hit on them well like, now im single so i have to be DOUBLE careful not to b affectionate w them as im w all my friends and itsssssssssssssmjshfjhdjfhsjdhjshdjshdjhsjdhsjhdjshdk

and i like, think abt this girl alot n yea its romantic even thomwe never fucking talked n rlly i do that w lots of girls and its making me lose out on friendships bc i wanna b their friends somehow bc i think theyre very cool n stuff but i cant stop hodling on to stupid daydreams n idealizations i get to distract me when im sad n its jst stupid like i know its dumb but guess whos boutta keeeeeeppppp doin it??!!!!! boy!!!

and i try so damn hard to talk feeling out, n talk abt who im attracted to n stuff w ppl, n i try so hard to gush but i cant cuz smth comes outta my mouth and then i cant speak past that and no one ends up rlly knowing how i feel, bc ANY time i talk abt anytingngay related abt me its what happens. and i listen to others talking abt tht stuff and i jsut get so god damn JEALOUS bc idk how to express myself

all these inadequacies n shit is making it rlly hard to see how,im gonna b on my own n its always been like this. at TWELVE YEARS OLD i came to fhe fucking conclusion that i was just gonna kill myself when i turned 18 so i didnt have to deal with all this and i was OKAY WITH IT and i just went through life knowing that and hiding it and so rarely questioning my inevitable suicide as a childc so instead of dealing with all that n my problems n getting better i let myself get worse cuz uh, fuck it right

idk its all just occured to me how im not a fully functioning human being, in seberal if not all aspects of my life, its weird. now that I actively want to live and realize i uh Kinda have to simce ill b the legal guardian of my brother its all very scary

sorr i was all over the place and all the typos i didnt mean anyof them n im not crytyping like, i cried a bit but i jst hate typing kn thsi shitty tablet keyboard, n dont wanna spellcheck. if u read through comgratulations also please dont message me abt like the self harm junk n my dog n stuff like, whatever ur abt to say. I Know my guy

time to go uhhhhhhhhhhh daydream about impossible gay shit with guilt in the back of my mind

#personal #animal abuse/#self harm/#other stuff probably i guess #nya #its long uhh full disclosure i sjt wanted to feel like i was talkin 2 someone nyall can ignore this

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attiqdemos · 7 years

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it’s national eating disorder awareness week, and a lot of my friends are posting about it on facebook, but i don’t want to do that bc it feels weird so here

i had disordered eating for the last 2 years of high school. it seems more severe now than it did back then, maybe because back then i thought it was normal. okay maybe not normal--i knew it wasn’t normal--but i’d hear about the girls who dropped 60 pounds and got so sick they had to be hospitalized and fed through an iv tube and i knew that was never going to be me so i thought mine wasn’t that severe. looking back on it now, i’m honestly amazed that any part of me thought what i was doing was in any way rational.

i never wanted to say i had anorexia; i read stuff online saying you could only have anorexia if you were underweight, so i never used that word about myself. it was just a diet, or, at worst, unhealthy eating habits. i didn’t tell anyone except three of my closest friends from other schools, because i didn’t want anyone from my school to find out for fear that they’d try to stop me, or worse yet, tell my parents. one of my friends from my school noticed something was weird and she actually reached out to one of those people that i told and it was one of the scariest days of my life even though i know it was coming from a place of love.

it was worst at the beginning of my senior year. college applications and schoolwork and honor societies and extracurriculars and band and my job and everything kind of came crashing down at once, and i wanted to feel like i had control over something at least, but i guess i overdid it. i have some strangely specific memories of that time, almost like vignettes: sitting in my first period ap gov class, not paying attention, writing out on the little calendar in my planner how many calories i would eat each day and meticulously calculating how long it’d take me to drop six pounds (according to my numbers, 25 days.) recalibrating my daily calorie counter in my head each time i took a bite of something to make sure i wouldn’t go over 700. i was obsessed with myfitnesspal; i would literally measure out half a cup of granola, weigh the amount of blueberries i put on it, to make sure i was getting accurate counts. i had the same thing at lunch every day: a handful of spinach topped with either a few berries and walnuts, half of an apple and a bit of crumbled cheddar cheese, or, if i was feeling extravagant, maybe slices of boiled egg. i drank a lot of those zero calorie fizzy water ice things for energy. i can’t even smell them anymore without feeling revulsion.

i would flip my shit over the smallest things. i’d never eat everything that was on my dinner plate; one night, i came home from work, where i’d had a leftover salad for dinner, and my mom wanted me to finish my steak from the night before. it was three bites. i knew automatically that was about 100 calories. i’d already gone over my limit and eaten 750 that day. i couldn’t fucking eat anything else. i ended up crying over a piece of goddamn steak and making up something stupid about failing a quiz in school. whenever possible, i’d throw food out sneakily, or not eat meals and then tell my parents i had.

i was never bulimic, which i’m really thankful for. i remember the closest i ever got to making myself throw up: after my interview at barnard, my family took me out to an indian restaurant to celebrate. indian was--is--my favorite kind of food. my dad told me i had to order everything. i did. i tried it all. i ate so much that i felt sluggish. in retrospect, it was a normal sized meal for me now, but to my artificially shrunken stomach then, it was way too much to handle. i knelt on the tile next to the toilet in the single-stall bathroom staring at the toilet water like it was taunting me. i dry heaved a couple times, stood up, brushed off my tights and walked out.

vomiting would’ve been a step too far. later on, while i was beginning to ‘recover’ (i didn’t fully get over my issues with food until this summer), i would stand over the garbage can in my kitchen, take bites of brownies my mom made, chew them up, savor the flavor, and then spit them into a paper towel and throw them out. if we ever went out to eat, i’d look at the menus online beforehand to figure out what the lowest-calorie option was. we went to cheesecake factory once; i remember being thankful they had calorie counts for all their items online, then disgusted when i saw how high those counts were, then breathing a sigh of relief when i found an appetizer-sized portion of vegetable tacos that replaced the shell with a leaf of lettuce. it was 300 calories--half of my daily total.

the closest i ever came to telling a medical professional was during an annual checkup during my senior year. i’d plummeted from 162 lbs, my highest weight in the summer before my sophomore year, to 134. she asked my how i did it: was it exercise? was it being on my feet at my job? i couldn’t give her an answer; i just started tearing up. i’m sure somewhere on my record there’s a note about risk for an eating disorder, but that’s all it ever was: a note.

there was no clear-cut recovery process for me. there was no one moment where i stopped and said ‘i need to fix this.’ it was kind of just gradual; i had relapses, of course, but it generally wasn’t that bad since i came to college. i did gain a ton of weight my freshman year; it fluctuated a lot because of the all-you-can-eat meal plan, which was designed to help prevent eating disorders and food related anxiety for the students at my women’s college, but ironically ended up giving me more anxiety because of the lack of autonomy i was given over my choices of what to eat. but at some point either at the end of my second semester or the beginning of the summer, i finally stopped tallying up calories in my head.

my weight has stabilized since then. i haven’t been on a scale in a year, but last i saw, it was something around 140, which is probably where it still is. i’m fine with that. it’s weird: i’m finally the size 6 i’d always wanted to be, but i’m not even sure how i got there. i looked in the mirror this morning and realized that somewhere along the line, i’d developed the thigh gap i’d always dreamed of; weirder yet, i found out i didn’t really care that i could see light shining through a tiny gap between my legs. i bought a crop top this summer. i still have flab on my stomach. it pokes out over the top of my jeans. i don’t care, though; i like the way i look in crop tops. i still don’t own a single pair of shorts, a remnant of my battle with my most detested body part--my thighs--but maybe this summer, i’ll finally get there.

i don’t have tips for recovery, unfortunately. i don’t even know how i did it. i just stopped caring at some point. i have better things to worry about than some arbitrary number that’s supposed to quantify my physical being. the best thing i did, i think, is that i stopped comparing myself to other people.

it still comes and goes in waves. some days i think i’m beautiful; some days i’m fixated on my acne, my fat chin, my saggy tits, the pouch of fat above my pelvis, the cellulite dimples on my thighs. there’s nothing i can do about it. the society i live in has programmed me to notice these things. the best i can do is remember that it doesn’t define me.

#tw: ed #neda #neda week #sophie shit

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