#which they admit to but it’s disappointing

[0nlythrowharrybeaux]

Magnetic Part 2^**

A continuation of this fic where Harry cheats on his gf with Y/N and is basically pussy whipped.

Warnings: mentions of infidelity, heart break/break up, arguments/confrontations, mentions of alcohol & marijuana use, oral (f & m receiving) sex, unprotected sex, light dom/sub dynamic, light breeding kink, light pain kink, fingering, use of sex toy, daddy kink, forced orgasms.

WC:22K

HARRY’S POV

Things had been extremely quiet between Harry and his girlfriend since they got in the line for the valet and now well into the drive home. She was clearly upset at him, she was actively ignoring him when he’d glance over. But he was also a little bit frustrated with her for her attitude throughout the night. He was also annoyed that she tried to insinuate that you needed your uncle to find work, he had no idea where that had even come from! And while he had initially just thought about leaving it, the more he sat in silence with her, he needed to say something but he wasn’t sure how to bring it up without making her more upset at him. And as they got closer and closer to his house, he felt his emotions just forming a lump in his throat. He needed to say something.

“Babe.” He mumbled.

He waited a few seconds too long before he heard her respond, “Hm?” As she glanced up from her phone.

“You know I love you, right?” He asked and she nodded, “Which means I owe it to you to be honest with you.” He said and she straightened up.

“Yeah.” She confirmed. Harry licked over his lips and she swallowed the lump in her throat as she waited for him to keep talking, mentally preparing to hear the worst thing.

“I just…I can’t believe you tonight.” He sighed in disappointment, “I mean, what the fuck has gotten into you? You were so rude to Y/N!” He reprimanded her. She scoffed in disbelief.

“You can’t believe me?! I can’t believe you!” She raised her voice hand in the air as she gesticulated her frustration, “You have the hots for her!” She accused and he scoffed.

“I do not!”

“You were eye-fucking her all night, Harry!” She accused.

“All night?! We barely had a chat with them!” He shouted back as he turned to her, taking advantage of the red light. Her scowl melted into a dejected frown.

“All. Night. Harry.” She said emphatically. He could see the sadness in her eyes, it made his stomach turn.

He sighed and shrugged in defeat, “So what? She’s…she’s beautiful, I can’t…observe that?” He asked.

“You have a crush her.” She said and he frowned and immediately shook his head, denying her claim.

“No, I don’t!” He rebutted. 

“How do you know all those things about her, then?”

“We’re friends!” He exclaimed and just held her gaze for several seconds. “We’re friends.” He repeated.

“Light’s green.” She mumbled before turning away and Harry sighed and turned back to the road and took off. It grew silent again and he realized that he was feeling rather anxious about her finding out about him sleeping with you. He didn’t want her to find out. God, just seeing the hurt in her eyes now had him feeling completely gutted. He couldn’t do this to her and if it scared him then that was maybe a sign that he didn’t want to lose her, right?

“Babe.” He mumbled again.

“What?” 

“I’m sorry.” He apologized, “I did…look upon her lustfully.” He mumbled with a small smile and she turned towards him again. Harry glanced over quickly and was relieved to see her smile at him before he turned back to the road. 

“That’s all I wanted. For you to admit it.” She said.

“Okay, I admit it.” He said again, “It’s been a while since we’ve seen each other, s’all.”

“Have you…been with her before?” She asked next and he sighed. “Before us?”

“Yes.” He responded and she clenched her jaw momentarily before exhaling.

“Okay.” She mumbled lowly, “It was the past.” She said to not let it get to her and he nodded.

“Exactly.” He reiterated. She then reached over for his hand and he let her grab it. 

“I know she’s your friend but I don’t like her.” She decided and he nodded.

“That’s…fine, you don’t have to.” He chuckled a bit and she smiled upon hearing him say that. It was quite a relief to her that he didn’t expect her to get along with you, it made her feel like he was in her corner, which she really needed after feeling so insecure tonight.

“I love you.” She said to him.

“Love you.” Harry smiled.

****************

As soon as you got home after dropping Joe off, you scurried up to your room and stripped down and headed to your lingerie drawer; you wanted to dress up for Harry. You had lots of lingerie, not because you used it a lot but because sometimes you just liked to feel sexy and you’d wear it under outfits when you were feeling less than confident before a gig or project or around the house while doing mundane things like hoovering or watching TV; it was mainly for you. As you browsed through your options you landed on a black lace bustier. You grabbed that and got it on before digging around for the bottoms. When you located the basically sheer thong that went with the top, you slid it up your legs and set it into place. You then made your way over to your hair accessories drawer and pulled out a big chiffon bow clip. You did a tousled half up-half down sort of thing, taking advantage of your loose curls. You then touched up your make up and got on some lotion and perfume before jumping into bed. 

You knew he’d be a while so you started to watch a movie, but when it ended and he still wasn’t here you got a bit worried. You checked your phone and didn’t see anything from him. Maybe he was handling something with his girlfriend? Regardless, you waited around a little bit more, but when it hit 2am you knew he wasn’t going to come. You were definitely disappointed, but more worried than anything because he would’ve at least warned you. You didn’t want to text him in case his girlfriend saw, so you just got through your nighttime routine before putting on another movie to help lull you to sleep. After staring at the TV for about 20 minutes you sighed and just reached for your phone and opened a text to him.

Hey, I hope everything’s alright. 

You hit send without giving it too much thought and then a second later the bottom of your screen read “Not Delivered”. You instantly felt a lump form in your throat and then bit down on the inside of your cheek to localize the pain that would just pang throughout your entire body otherwise. You felt hollow from one moment to the next, so much so that it made you nauseous and you sat and just inhaled deeply before slowly releasing out your breath as your eyes started to well up. Your throat was burning as you tried to hold back the urge to cry. 

“Get it together, bitch, s’not even your man.” you mumbled to yourself before laying back down. You grabbed your phone again and just deleted your messaging feed with Harry. He had made his choice and you were left on the outside. But it was for the best. It was.

The following morning you felt more calm about it, of course you were sad, but it was good that he decided to focus on his relationship. Either way, your feelings for him were getting a little too strong, so it was far better this way. You didn’t know what led to him blocking your number, but you were glad he had, it gave you a sense of closure. As much as you wanted to be upset about it you had no right to be. And it’s not like you could talk to one of your friends about it without brining shame to yourself and to Harry. You knew that they wouldn’t judge you or be assholes about it, things happen! But admitting that you kept accepting his advances is what you were ashamed of. You didn’t feel too guilty about it until now, when you realized that you had no one to talk to about this because it was embarrassing to have gotten to this point. You just needed to move on and also, you owed Joe an explanation.

*****************

Harry was feeling a hollowness in his chest and some guilt for standing you up and surely disappointing you in the process. He cared for you and he liked you a lot but he had a girlfriend and he did care for her. Yeah, things could be better in some areas but no relationship was perfect, so he needed to stop expecting a perfect match in every aspect of the relationship. It just wasn’t realistic to expect that and he had to appreciate what he already had. To some maybe this sounded like he was settling, but he didn’t think so. He was doing the mature thing and honoring the commitment he made to someone else. This was the right thing to do, especially upon realizing that if he didn’t stop it now, he had no idea when or if he could down the line. It actually kind of terrified him because he didn’t even know if you liked him in the same way he liked you. You were so good at compartmentalizing in this area, and he could too if he tried, but he liked you too much to do that.

He swallowed down the knot that formed in his throat, “Fuck…” he mumbled as he stared up at the ceiling, suddenly being overcome by what he could only describe as grief. Why did it feel like that?

“Harry?” He heard in the distance, “Harry, what’s wrong?” His girlfriend asked as she stopped moving over him. He suddenly snapped back to reality, realizing that he had been so in his head that he’d forgotten he was in the middle of sex with her. He dug his elbows into the mattress to help him sit up and then he grabbed her hip.

“I want to stop.” He mumbled and she frowned, looking perplexed and hurt at his sudden shift in mood.

“Are you sure?” She asked, “I mean, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just don’t feel too good.” He grumbled and she slowly clambered off of his body.

“Can I get you anything?” She asked him and he shook his head.

“No, I’m just gonna have a shower. That should help.” He said and she nodded as he wordlessly got up and into the shower.

When he emerged from his shower he did feel a bit better, the anxiety of the choice he’d made had minimized enough that he could sit comfortably with it again. He had to stick to his guns not just for the sake of his relationship but for yours too. You didn’t deserve this, just pieces of someone’s attention and affection, you deserved someone’s whole heart. Thinking back on it now, asking you to tell him that you’d wait for him was the most selfish and cruel thing he had done to another person. It made his stomach sink once again and he felt this awful pang of hurt strike him right in the heart before radiating out to his fingertips.

“H?” He heard some taps on the door.

“Yeah?”

“Do you want some oatmeal with berries?”

“Sure.” He called back before looking up into the mirror again and sighing. He had made the right decision…it didn’t feel like it right now, but with time it could- no, it would, get better. He had to believe that.

…. ONE MONTH LATER ….

You were a little bit nervous as you were getting your dress on to go meet Joe. After the Harry thing, you came clean to him as to why you had abruptly ended your evening and Joe was hurt. He felt that you had connected really well and was looking forward to getting some alone time with you and so he was very disappointed to hear that. You then said that you actually did want to see him and he felt like you were just rebounding him and when you assured him you were not, he asked you to give him some time to figure out if he wanted to continue seeing you again and you agreed. He had reached out to you earlier in the week and asked to see you and you quickly agreed. You were actually looking forward to it and hoped that he’d give you another chance because you truly had a wonderful time with him and could see yourself starting to like him if you got to know him a little better. You were getting close to the bar he had told you to go to and kept an eye out for him up front and finally you saw him as your driver slowed down.

“Here we are, miss.” The older gentleman smiled.

“Thank you. Here you are.” You said handing him some cash, “I don’t need change.” You assured him and he thanked you before you opened up the door. Seconds later Joe was at the door, extending his arm for support as you climbed out.

“Hey, you look lovely.” Joe greeted you and quickly kissed your cheek and you did the same before pulling back.

“Thanks. You look great too!” You smiled as you looked him up and down before looking into his eyes again. He was quite a sharp dresser, you were impressed with his personal style. 

“What?” He sniggered.

“Nothing…” you smiled, “I’m glad you called.” You said with a small shrug and he smiled.

“C’mon, lets get inside.” He suggested and you nodded and followed behind him. 

You had a drink while you caught up over what you’d each been up to over the last few weeks and just as you recalled, he was charming, funny, smart…this man was a full fledged dream and you were willing to give him an honest shot. After you got another drink in you, you were well on your way to buzzed and were practically giggling at everything he was saying so you decided to share some spicy tuna on crispy rice boat things that just happened to hit the spot.

“Wow, those were phenomenal. Great suggestion.” You hummed as you carefully wiped around your mouth incase you had smeared your lipstick.

“Glad you liked it.” He smiled. “So…”

“So.” You responded with a playful smile as you looked up at him through your eyelashes.

“Obviously I…am attracted to you. I like you.” He said a bit timidly, breaking eye contact as he spoke the words, but then looking back at you.

“I like you too.” You assured him when he looked back into your eyes. You needed him to know that you meant it. Being vulnerable was a very hard thing for you but when it came to people’s feelings the least you could do was reciprocate it. It often made you feel a little bit foreign in yourself but the relief and pride you felt in yourself that came afterwards as a result of your candor did a great job of washing out any negative feelings.

“Ummm…I…I was engaged just a few months ago and we ended it because she cheated on me with her best friend.” He explained and your smile immediately disappeared and a frown took its place.

“Joe, I’m so sorry-”

“It’s fine.” He shook his head, “Well, it’s not fine, but I’m starting to be fine, I think.” He explained and you nodded. “But ummm…I’m not as ready to date as I thought I was. I think when I agreed to go to your aunt’s thing I mean…I just needed a night of fun. I wanted to get my mind off of things and it was great!” He added and you nodded, “But I’m not ready to continue seeing you as more than friends.” He explained and you felt like the bubble of your buzz had been burst as your throat suddenly felt like it was closing up.

“I get it.” You smiled softly. “And I continue to feel awful about being so abrupt to end our night out after how much fun we had-”

“Don’t be. I think if we had gone back to yours or mine I would’ve like cried during sex or something.” He chuckled with a little bit of embarrassment.

“Yikes…” you hissed jokingly, in an attempt to lighten the mood and he laughed, which you were glad he did. “I’m kidding, I mean…it happens.” You shrugged.

“I suppose.” He smiled and was more than grateful that you were taking this all in stride. “I think I’m also a little bit…scared of you.” He added and your brows furrowed in concern.

“W-why?” You asked cautiously and then regretted asking. Maybe you didn’t want the answer anymore.

“Like I love that you were so honest about what happened, I genuinely appreciate that! But the fact that you just have men at your disposal like that…it just…kind of made me feel…unsafe.” He said and your frown deepened, “Which was such a contrast from how things felt at the party so it was like an emotional whiplash for me. And this is not to say you’re in the wrong for this! You have every right to do as you please, you’re a smart, beautiful, and fun single person, you know? That’s not…like I’m not trying to shame you for what you do in your own time, it’s me. Like…I don’t know how to not feel…upset by it?”

“It’s still fresh, what you’ve been through with your ex-fiancé.” You clarified and he nodded.

“Yeah, I think that’s the main issue here. Clearly I’m not emotionally or psychologically prepared for anything with anyone right now. Sorry.” He apologized sincerely and you smiled and shook your head.

“I understand, Joe. There’s no need to be sorry.” You assured him, “If anything, I’m even more sorry for making you feel that way! It was a super shitty thing to do and you didn’t deserve that.” With your gaze cast down at your hands, you apologized, but you felt even worse now because you were exactly the kind of person who had hurt him before. You were disappointed in yourself for being so careless with other people’s feelings; it was so disappointing.

Clearly, you had no regard for another person’s relationship and had slept with a taken man. Friend or not, it was a line that never should have been crossed, even the first time had been a little suspect to anyone looking from the outside in. Seeing Joe being so affected by his ex had you feeling truly ashamed over everything with Harry for the first time as you imagined how shitty his girlfriend would feel if she ever found out. It was easy to shut that off when you were with Harry or at least when you were on speaking terms, but the distance between you two and now Joe’s own experience was forcing you into giving every single possible consequence some thought and it was awful.

“Ummm…you don’t have to tell me but w-was it…Harry?” He asked, his volume lowering significantly when he spoke his name. You quickly glanced up and met his inquisitive gaze and after a few seconds he smiled knowingly and you bit your lip and looked away as your eyes started to well up. Not with hurt but actually with shame. You felt absolutely disgusting. “Hey…w-what’s wrong?” He asked and you just shook your head.

“I…kind of hate myself for it right now.” You got out and he reached for your hand.

“Hey, we all make mistakes.” He reassured you, “I’ve been there too.” He confessed and you sighed, “Look, just because I’m the victim now doesn’t mean I haven’t been the one in the hot seat.” He said with a smile and you chuckled a bit and nodded.

“Yeah…I just never thought I was capable of doing something like that…but when it’s just so…right…” you sighed, “You forget about everyone else.”

“Yeah.” He replied, he was full of understanding, which you were more than grateful for.

“How did you know? What did I do?” You asked as you rolled your eyes up, slightly irritated at yourself for not being as discreet as you believed you were. But Joe shook his head at you before responded.

“It wasn’t you at all actually, it was…all him.” He chuckled and you looked back into his eyes again. “When he would look at you it was like…you’re the eighth wonder of the world.” He explained and your heart literally fluttered in your chest. “As you were talking he like…followed your every move, reacted to every little thing. Almost as if you were the center of everything…” he shared and you licked over your lips nervously, you were doing your very best to not let this information go to your head.

“And you know this how?” You asked instead as you looked at him inquisitively.

“He’s a handsome guy! I was looking at him too.” He chuckled with a shrug and you giggled as well and nodded.

“Yeah…that he is.” You nodded in agreement.

After that you got on to a lighter topic but your mind was in some distant place thinking about Harry. About what Joe had just described to you. You’d looked at Harry like he was the center of the universe before too… 

…. 22 JULY, 2023….

You always thought he was attractive, but seeing him at the Reggio show from the friends and family section had put him on another plane for you. You had a great view of the stage and of him and the big screen with him on it. The beautiful, powerful chords of the intro to Golden filled the air around you, the bass so strong that you felt a tickle beneath your feet as the earth reverberated with his music. The beautiful, golden lights glowing behind him made him look like a god. In that moment you were filled with pride and awe, you wished he was yours to love on after everything was over. But a few people behind you was the girl he was seeing. You were standing by Jeffrey and Glenne, you were exchanging excited glances as he walked up to the mic and greeted the crowd in Italian. One hundred thousand people simultaneously cheered in response. You’d never heard anything like it! It made your heart skip a beat as your voice joined the battalion of them.

You bit your lip as your eyes honed in on his big, buff arms flexing as he strummed his guitar. You were trying not to get carried away thinking about how you’d bitten into the “can I stay” inked into his skin just a few days before in Portugal. You started laughing happily as you looked right at him, just about to burst with excitement and pride for him. And then his eyes met yours and it’s like the sound just dropped off and everything was muted down and delayed. You swear an eternity passed by as you watched his lips turning up until there was a bright and flirtatious grin on his face as he very quickly looked you up and down. 

Your heart was hammering in your chest, you were aching to feel his lips on yours one more time…then he turned away and continued with his performance.

You were awestruck by him. You watched him give it his entire heart and soul to his audience that day, he didn’t want to go, he didn’t want it to end. And when it all ended and you were all hanging back and having celebratory drinks you got a brief moment with him when you’d run into each other outside of the bathroom. You hugged him for a few moments and smiled so wide.

“Was I good?” He asked.

“You were phenomenal. It was iconic!” You praised him as you pulled back, “I’m so proud of you, H!” You insisted passionately and he chuckled.

“Thank you. I’m happy you’re here.” He said and you smiled.

“Thank you for having me.” You chuckled. He grabbed your face gently and let his thumbs stroke over the high points of your cheeks. He smiled softly as he held eye contact with you for a few seconds before you blinked your gaze away, “Ummm…you should probably get back there. I heard your dad asking around for you.” You informed him.

“You met my dad?” He asked and you nodded, “Brad introduced us. I accidentally cursed in his face.” You sputtered on a laugh and he knocked his head back in laughter as he laughed from deep in his belly.

“What?! How?!” He questioned.

You laughed and shook your head, “He was like, “H didn’t do too bad, did?” And I was like, “Oh yeah, he was so fucking brilliant!”, I was so excited for you!” You laughed as you explained, “I watched his eyes go wide at my passion. He’s definitely gonna warn you about me.” You joked and Harry slid his hand down and then ran his thumb over your bottom lip.

“You’re so fucking cute.” He grinned.

“Yeah, so are you. Now go on.” You insisted and he looked at you suggestively with those pretty, bedroom eyes, “Go, H.” You said again.

“You’re right.” He hummed as he let go and sighed before stepping around you as if nothing had happened.

“Hey, Harry!” You called after him and he turned around, “For the record, I’m like…always right.” You smirked smugly and his lip twitched up as well.

“Noted.” He winked before disappearing for the rest of the night

….Flashback Over….

You blinked quickly a few times, not really sure how long you’d been zoned out for, “Sorry…” you apologized quickly.

“It’s alright. Touchy subject?”

“Yeah…just a bit.” You smiled and shrugged, “It’s fine…but we just haven’t talked since then.” You explained.

“He fucked you and then ditched you?!” Joe asked with a frown.

“Oh no…no, he changed his mind. He actually never showed. Which I’m so proud of him for but with that came like a no contact thing so it’s been weird just guessing what he might be up to. It’s kinda weird because we are friends, so…” you trailed off.

“Oh okay…I was about to say he’s a fucking prick.” He chuckled and you smiled and shook your head.

“Nah, he’s quite the opposite. It’s fucking infuriating.” You giggled and he nodded as he withdrew his hand. 

“I want to keep in touch, YN. I mean, maybe down the line when I’m more…myself we could try if we’re both still interested.” He said and you smiled.

“Yeah, I’d really like that.” You agreed.

At the end of the night you shared a taxi home, he wanted to make sure you got in okay. As soon as you made it past the threshold of your front door, your phone started pinging and you dug it out of your purse. You saw it was Goldie, she’d sent several good luck messages and that you should catch up about it the following day if possible. You smiled and just called her. It was barely half past eight, she should be awake. When the phone stopped ringing you spoke into the receiver.

“Hey, G. You alright?” You asked as you slipped out of your heels.

“Hey, good and you? How’d it go on the date?”

“Ummm, it was more of a “lets quit while we’re ahead” type of thing actually.” You chuckled in response, “But thanks for checking in.” You smiled. You couldn’t wait to have a cup of tea and do anything to distract you from the slight disappointment you were feeling.

“Boo…” she replied and you shrugged. “So what you’re home now?”

“Yeah, literally just got in.” You replied.

“Do you need a distraction?” She asked and you smiled.

“I certainly could.” You smiled.

“Okay, I’m actually out with Sam right now, we’re having drinks at The Ivy while we wait on Paul.” She shared, “Come! I don’t want to third wheel!” She insisted, you slightly heard Sam asking who he was inviting, “Y/N, her date night was cut short.” She explained as you seriously weighed out her invitation.

“I don’t know…I just got in…” you grumbled.

“Which means you’re already dressed up anyway!” She reasoned and you sighed and shrugged.

“Sold.” You giggled.

“Yay! We’ll see you here soon!”

“See you soon.” You agreed and quickly went touch up your make up and get on a little more perfume before rushing out of the house again and walking to the main street to catch a cab. When you got in you spotted Goldie, Sam, and Paul chatting at the bar. Goldie grinned wide and waved you over with a bright smile.

“Hi!” She beamed.

“Hey everyone!” You smiled as you walked up and greeted everyone with a quick hug and kiss on the cheek, “What’s going on?” You asked as you looked between them.

“We’re just waiting for them to figure out the table situation. Harry ended up tagging along with Paul, they just finished watching Swan Lake. We didn’t tell him that we had asked you to join already so they’re just waiting for a booth to clear up for us now.” Sam explained and you smiled and nodded but your mouth went completely dry. 

You could feel your heart starting to hammer in your chest and you were terrified of having to face him. It filled you with anxiety. You couldn’t look at him and feel unfazed yet, it would just make you feel awful and guilty and like a complete piece of shit. Your stomach was twisting and your brain working against you as it came up with catastrophic situations and fed into your anxiety.

“Ummm G, I suddenly am not feeling well.” You said softly to her and she frowned in concern. She was just about to ask you what was wrong when Paul raised his arm, capturing her and your attention.

“H, over here!” Paul spoke up and you were suddenly feeling full of anxiety as Harry surely approached the group. You didn’t want to turn around…you couldn’t face him yet. You weren’t ready!

“Hey, thank you for ummm….” He paused briefly as his eyes landed on you, “For waiting.” He finished and Paul nodded and smiled. He then proceeded to greet everyone and you very stiffly hugged him back. 

He started talking to Sam about the ballet and how incredible it had been. You were certain that if you had also been able to sit through several hours of Tchaikovsky before this run in you’d be just as composed as he was, if not more. You looked him over and smiled a bit, he was really letting loose. His hair was looking a little messy and he was growing it into some long-lost Gallagher brother-esque faux hawk-mullet hybrid that you were really loving. And his facial hair was looking fuller than before. You wanted to think he was letting himself go a bit because he missed you, but even if that were the case, he still looked infuriatingly good. And well, in his true fashion of always having to do something a little raunchy and edgy, he was wearing a t-shirt that said: I LIKE TO WATCH. If you hadn’t been so anxious about seeing him you would’ve rolled your eyes and commented it on it, maybe even gotten a lot turned on by his brazenness, but you were just trying to keep it together right now. 

Moments later you were being guided into the booth and you ensured to stay on the end in case you just needed to leave quickly at som point. Much to your dismay, he was across from you and also doing everything in his power to prevent himself from looking at you. You had soon ordered your drink and everyone else did the same plus some food. Even if you were feeling peckish, you weren’t sure you could stomach anything other than liquids at this moment.

“So what happened with your date, Y/N?” Sam asked and then everyone’s attention focused on you. You felt put on the spot and but responded anyway.

“Ummm…I kind of…messed up a tiny bit after our first date.” You explained and then frowned a bit, “That’s…a lie. I majorly messed up. And he was taking some time to think if I was worth the risk, I guess? But as he thought about it he concluded that he’s not ready to see anyone in any serious capacity right now so we’re just going to stay friends.” You summarized your conversation with Joe from earlier in the evening “And well…here I am now.” You shrugged with a tightlipped smile.

“So he asked you on a date to tell you he wasn’t going to date you?” Paul questioned.

“Well, I think I just got excited and assumed it was a date. But ummm…it wasn’t so…” you shrugged before sipping more from your drink nervously.

“So you’ve been single for a while?” Sam asked. You’d known Paul for quite a while, even before he and Sam got together, so while you’d known Sam for a few years now, he wasn’t really in your circle until more recently.

“A while is…putting it nicely.” You mumbled in slight embarrassment, “Try five years.” You chuckled and his eyes went wide.

“Holy shit!”

“Look, it’s not for lack of effort! I go on dates a lot but ummm, nothing has…panned out really.” You shrugged as you glanced down at a little snagged piece of fabric on the table cloth.

“I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, Y/N but you give “fixer” vibes.” Sam said and you looked at him in confusion.

“What does that mean?”

“Sam-” Paul started but he brushed him off.

“It’s not a bad thing! But she seems like the kind of person that makes men wish they were single again.” He said and Harry reached for his drink then, “Like look at her! She’s gorgeous and talented and smart and a fucking laugh! So when they inevitably get bored of their girlfriends and end it, they go to her and she shows them life can be fun again.” He said and you smiled slightly at him, “That getting to know someone and being with them can be exhilarating! And being the sweetheart you are,” he glanced to you, “you take care of these people. You nourish them, support them emotionally and physically…You breathe life back into them, you know?” You nodded in understanding, “And then how do they repay her kindness? They leave her high and dry despite all of the good things she did for them. That’s a fixer. Not like she seeks them out to fix them, but they need fixing and they just come to her in order to…feel something again but it’s never reciprocated.” He explained and you were trying so hard not to cry and scream “YES! THAT’S EXACTLY MY LIFE!” 

“Jesus…That’s an awful thing to say, Sam.” Paul said with disapproval and he frowned.

“You’re right. I’m sorry, Y/N.” Sam apologized quickly. “I’ve had a lot to drink already and I wasn’t thinking.” He said reaching over Goldie’s hands to grab your own and you just smiled at him and shook your head.

“Aw Sam, it’s alright, I know you didn’t mean it in a bad way. I’m not offended.” You reaffirmed, “If anything I’m…happy there’s a term for it! Thank you!” You smiled sincerely and he smiled at you with a tenderness in his eyes.

“You’re so fucking gracious.” He sighed, completely in awe of you, “I don’t deserve you as a friend.” He shook his head.

“I promise you, we’re so good, Sam. Don’t worry about it.” You reassured him and he nodded. It was still quiet at the table for a few more seconds and it was killing you, “Anyway…why didn’t you two go to the ballet?” You asked Goldie and Sam.

“We weren’t invited. Harry only invited Paul.” Sam explained with a sassy smile as he side-eyed Harry who scoffed.

“I told you I was only gifted two tickets!” Harry said. And well, you couldn’t help but wonder if he was gifted two tickets…why he hadn’t taken his girlfriend along?

“So? You can afford it, Harry.” Goldie said matter of factly, a moment of silence passed before you all burst into laughter at Goldie’s comment.

“Jesus, I didn’t know everyone was so into the fucking ballet.” He mumbled making you all continue laughing.

  “You didn’t think maybe your friends would want to spend time with you?”

“Not on my dime.” He joked.

“It’s how the rich the stay rich.” Sam shrugged as you all laughed along.

“I kid…” Harry smiled easily, “Next time.” He assured and Goldie looked at him with raised eyebrows, “I promise.” He chuckled and she grinned.

“I’ll be waiting.” She hummed and then the topic changed again to something else that wasn’t you and you were more than grateful about that.

You were getting tired mentally from going against every single signal your brain would send, tempting you to just stare at Harry and get lost in him. It was like there was this pull that drew you to his movements, you just wanted to sit and admire him. You wished you could scoot in beside him and feel his warmth coming off of him. You wondered if in another world you could do just that. Yeah, you knew that he probably missed you, but he hadn’t picked you. You needed to stop being so pathetic by wishing for a miracle. Especially by staying so hung up on him despite the time that had transpired and the circumstance you two had been in. You just needed to collect yourself for a moment.

“I’m going to the bathroom. Be right back.” You said lowly to Goldie before standing and heading off. You heard Harry say, “Me too.” before the sound of his foot steps got closer and closer to you. You started walking a bit faster to make it there before he had the chance to catch up to you because you didn’t need this right now. You needed the distance so fucking bad, no matter how much you wanted him close by.

“Hey, wait up!” He called out as he fastened his pace to catch up with you.

“I was getting up to get away from you, you know?” You said with a smile as he came up beside you.

He glanced to you quickly, “Sorry.” He smiled and you turned back to look ahead of you. “Are you doing anything after this?” He asked you and you glanced to him with an insulted look on your face and suddenly he gasped and grabbed your arm hard and pulled you into him.  “Almost crashed into a waiter.” He informed and you glanced up at him.

“Thanks.” You said and he nodded.

“And I don’t mean it like that.” He said, “Just want to talk. I have some things I need to say.” He said as you stopped before the bathroom doors.

“I’ll think about it.” 

“Okay, thank you. I’ll offer you a ride home and ummm, if you decline then that’s that. Sound good?” He asked and you nodded in agreement before you hurried into the bathroom. You just looked in the mirror, weighing out your options. Of course you wanted to hear what he had to say, you couldn’t avoid him forever, and you had to start practicing your self control sooner or later. You could do this. 

After Harry asked to talk to you and you had decided to hear what he had to say, time seemed to be moving slower than ever. Hearing him out could potentially help you move on as well, but now that you wanted to hear it it was like everything was preventing that from happening, it was making you second guess yourself and you started debating it in your head. Then, the next thing you knew Harry was standing before you asking,

“Do you want a ride home? The driver is heading your way after dropping me off.” He looked at you expectantly and everything fell still as you nodded.

“Yeah, that’d be great. Thank you so much.” You accepted and you watched as his lips turned up as he assured you it was no big deal. 

You started saying goodbye to the rest of your friends before you were following Harry to the curb where his driver was waiting. You settled in as he shared the new plan for the evening with his driver for the night, Jaime. Next, he put up the partition before settling into his seat. He glanced up at you as he pulled out his phone.

“Address is still the same?” He asked and you nodded and he started typing away and sent it off to the driver before setting it aside and looking at you.

“What did you need to say?” You asked and he sighed.

“That I’m sorry. I’m so sorry for putting you in the position I did.” You shook your head.

“It wasn’t just you. I was a willing participant.” You added.

“But I always sought you out.” He said and you smile slightly and nodded, it was true.

“Well, I accept your apology. Thanks for that.”

“It’s the least I could do.” He said as he reached for your hand and you let him take it and you gave him a squeeze before letting go.

“What made you change your mind?” You asked and he smiled a bit.

“We were fighting about you in the car and it hit me that I was terrified of her ever finding out about this. Like, I genuinely felt scared of losing her.” He said and you nodded in understanding. “Was the guy you had seen tonight still the guy from the party? The professor?” He asked and you nodded.

“Yep.” You confirmed.

“Bummer. I’m sorry.”

“Yeah.” You sighed. “I…really hit him where it hurt. His fiancée was cheating on him, so when I left him for you, he…just took it really hard.”

“Shit…” Harry frowned and you nodded.

“I know. It put a lot into perspective for me and like…I don’t want to be that person either. I don’t want hurt anyone like that. This isn’t fair.”

“Yeah.” Harry agreed, “I want to be friends though. You’re fucking sick.” He said with a genuine smile and you smiled down at your hands .

“Thanks, so you are you, Harry.”

“You know something? I still can’t get over the fact that your favorite song is Burning Love.” He mumbled through a widening grin. “It’s just…you don’t seem like the type to listen to Elvis.”

“I don’t. Just that song because that’s what my favorite burger is called from the Red Robin burger chain, I’d sing it every time I’d have one and it grew on me.” You shrugged with a smile and he chuckled.

“You’re fucking lovely, you know that?” He asked and you giggled and rolled your eyes playfully. Then a silence took over you two and he sighed, “I know I just said that I was afraid of losing her but ummm…can I just say that things at home have been…a little rough lately?”

“Do you want to talk about it?” You asked.

“Do you mind?” He asked back and you shook your head.

“I don’t.” You assured him.

“Well, I don’t know…like I’m prioritizing us more, but I don’t know…when issues keep coming up and like…I feel I’m always the one having to compromise or apologize, you know? She doesn’t like to work through things as they come up and it kills me. You know how I am…” he said and you nodded, “And if I want to resolve anything I always have to take the blame and it takes a toll, even though I know it’s not always my fault.” He vented, “Anyway, she’s out of town right now, s’why she didn’t go with me tonight. But it’s for the best, I think. I just need a little space after we argue about something big.” He explained.

“I’m sorry, Harry.” You said comfortingly. “But you know, sometimes things get a little worse before they take a turn for the better.”

“You’re right.” He decided after a few pensive moment, “I really am trying to make that better s’also why I’ve been so distant from you. I’m just trying to prioritize her and us. It’s not because…you “fixed” me and I bailed on you, or whatever Sam was saying.” He explained with a roll of his eyes, clearly still very irritated at what Sam had said.

“Well, I can’t say I wasn’t expecting it at some point.” You shrugged with a small smile.

“But did it…feel that way for you? That you were…fixing the things I didn’t like about myself in my relationship?” He asked and you shook your head.

“Not with you.” You assured, “What was there to fix? I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you for not liking everything about your relationship or how it’s panning out. As long as there are humans involved there are bound to be good and bad things, you know? And I mean, we’re all different and have different likes and needs. I mean, was it a dick thing for us to do? Of course it was but…I think what needed to happen, happened. And well, at the end of the day you realized that she’s more important to you than the sex! And that’s great. I mean, I’m happy for you. I’m glad that you figured that out.” you said with a smile, despite feeling like your heart was withering away little by little. You then looked out the window as you saw the scenery changing, indicating you were nearing his side of town.

“Hey.” He reached for your hand again and you turned back to him again, “I just wanted you to know that yeah, the sex was…incredible,” he smiled bashfully, “but it wasn’t just that for me.” He said and your lips turned down in a small pout as his words registered in your brain. “I started to blur the lines a lot, I mean, you know that and you always set me straight and it…hurt though. And seeing you with that guy-”

“Joe.” You added and he nodded.

“Yeah, seeing you with Joe at that party made me so upset. I could see that you guys were into each other. It’s why I went and found you afterwards.” He confessed, “I wanted you to have me fresh on your mind if anything were to happen between you two.” He explained shamefully and your eyes filled with sadness, “I was selfish and I…was so out of line for that and then just…left you hanging.” He sighed with a sad smile on his face. Your eyes were threatening to spill the tears that were already built up in them, effectively blurring your vision. 

“And now, hearing what went down with him I feel like shit because I took that opportunity from you. I literally ruined that for you to just give you pieces of my attention when you deserve far more than that.” He frowned, “And while I have acted so selfishly when it comes to you, I really want you to know that I wasn’t just using you for sex. Like I can’t help but think that if we had run into each other again just even a few months earlier on the tour then we would probably be-”

“Don’t.” You whispered as your tears started to spill over when he said that. He looked to you with concern as you sniffled, “Fuck me…” You whispered spitefully at yourself and he quickly reached over to grab a few tissues from the box nestled into the holder before him. You took them and expertly dabbed at your eyes. 

“I’m sorry.” He apologized.

“It’s fine.” You mumbled as you dabbed beneath your nose as well.

“It’s not though.” He pressed as he watched you trying to keep it all together right now.

“It is, Harry!” You snapped suddenly. The silence that followed between the two of you was deafening. “It has to be fine.” You insisted assertively. It wasn’t even three seconds before you immediately regretted your explosive reaction, “I’m so sorry for raising my voice at you, Harry.” You apologized immediately and his gaze softened. 

He admired you so fucking much. You were so good at this part, at the hard things. You listened to understand, not to respond and fight back. He felt safe sharing everything with you, he wasn’t afraid that you would judge him like he feared his girlfriend would sometimes. The proof was even in your sexual relationship, you tried things with him that he had been judged for in the past just because they probably weren’t expected to be part of his preferences. He certainly had a deeper interest in you, just based off of the time your lips weren’t attached to each others, you connected so well. You could talk about things as silly as your preferred brand of ketchup or as serious and daunting as the state of the world, and then find a way to transition into passionate and genuine sex, the most primal form of human connection. So…when he had moments like this, where he was reminded of how fortunate he was to know you, things got a little bit murky in his brain, which is why he responded to your outburst in the following manner.

“It’s alright, angel.” He reassured you as he grabbed your face gently in his hand. The term of endearment he used for you just slipped out and made him fall into this much more intimate space that you two had shared before. When he realized what he had done he sighed, “Maybe this was a bad idea.” He said as he pulled away. Watching him go from so vulnerable to regretful of it was so painful and he could see it in your eyes, “I never intended to hurt you with this.” He said with a sense of remorse sinking into his chest, it was making him feel like breathing was getting harder to do.

“No, I needed to hear all of this to…help me move on.” You said and that made his guts twist with hurt, but he nodded along with a small and unconvincing smile anyway. 

You could see in his eyes that his mind was off somewhere far, far away from this place. You too wanted to be so far removed mentally and emotionally, but you really needed to bask in the hurt and the feelings of disappointment of what could’ve been so that you could just really get it through your head that this was absolutely done. Yeah, you wanted to stay friends but you both needed to shake your feelings before you could be together in any space again without feeling that pull that was still there, even now. 

“Ummm, I know we said that we want to stay friends, but I think we need to give it some time just to…not risk repeating history, you know?” You suggested.

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” He agreed as you guys turned onto his street. You looked out the window as you drifted off into thought.

One of your friends from university had contacted you about coming to help with his debut album, it would require you going back to America for at least three months. Maybe more if any major changes or hitches occurred in the project. You hadn’t decided yet, but maybe you should do it. A change of scenery and pace could help you move on. You could reconnect with old friends, meet new people, get your creativity flowing…this could be really good for you.You remained silent until you were pulling up to the perimeter gate around his property line.

“Well…” you sighed as the large gates started to part after the driver input the code.

“Do you need the bathroom or water or anything before you go?” He asked and you shook your head. You knew better than to go into his house right now that his girlfriend was gone. You knew he was just being polite, he didn’t mean it suggestively.

But then again, with your prior arrangement, he could have you even now if he wanted. You’d let him. You’d want him so long as he wanted you, so you it was easy to give him that power over you. He knew that already and with one shared gaze you could see that he was thinking exactly what you’d been thinking. You smirked knowingly and he just smiled so brightly as he grabbed your face and smushed his lips to your forehead. 

“Cheeky.” He mumbled before pulling back to meet your gaze again.

“Said the pot to the kettle.” You sniggered and he smiled down at you.

“Take good care of yourself, love.” He said as the car rolled slowly to a stop.

“You too, H.” You smiled as he leaned in to hug you. You quickly kissed cheeks before he pulled back and slid out of the backseat. He rounded over to the driver’s side and you rolled the window down to see him off.

“Jaime, thank you so much mate.” Harry said as he handed him over a generous cash tip.

“H, not this again.” He said pressing it back towards Harry.

“If not for me, at least for making the extra stop.” He said, “Please. I insist.”

“This is the last time.” He grumbled and Harry chuckled.

“Alright, well get her home safe, for me. Precious cargo.” Harry said as he smiled at you.

“Certainly, H. Good night.” Jaime said and he bid him goodnight before reaching for your hand and holding on until Jaime had driven you far enough that your hands pulled apart. You slid back into the window and rolled it up. You didn’t even feel like crying, you felt alright for now. But the important thing was that you left each other well and that was the best thing that could’ve happened. Yeah, it hurt that it seemed like you’d missed each other in life but at least there were memories you could share.

…. TWO MONTHS LATER ….

You were currently crowded into the corner of the rooftop at The Roosevelt for some fashion ambassadors event by some brand. Your friend, Monty had been booked as the entertainment for the evening and he pulled you in to play the bass for his band at the last minute. You were just grooving along as you played “Something” by The Beatles. You loved playing this song, it had such a fun and iconic bass line. And as you looked around the crowd you caught a glimpse of Harry’s girlfriend in the audience, she was looking right at you and when your gazes met she turned away and started talking to the person behind her. You found that odd, but decided to leave it. You’d only interact if your paths crossed.

But just as fate would have it, as you walked up to the open bar during a break in the set, you both just happened to break through the crowd at the same time and stepped up to the bar together. She glanced at you and you smiled at her.

“Hey. It’s nice to see you again.” You greeted her politely.

“Hi.” She smiled half-heartedly and her gaze was kind of cold.

“How are you?” You asked her a bit awkwardly.

“I’m fine and you?” 

“I’m good. Been pretty good, been out here for a couple months already for work.” You shared and she hummed with a polite smile. It was awkward because you really weren’t friends or anything, so you decided to bring up the person who had been the common link between you too. “H-how’s Harry?” You asked and her smile dropped immediately.

“Look Y/N, I’m sure you’re a nice person but I don’t want you going near him anymore. I don’t care if you’re friends. I’m sorry if that offends you, but I just don’t trust you.” She said lowly. You didn’t know if he had told her what had transpired between you too, but it’s the only thing that made sense. And because of this, you nodded in response, letting her know you understood and respected her wishes. She looked hesitant before speaking again, but said it anyway, “I know you…slept with him.” She informed you, voice still softer than before and your throat dried up. 

You couldn’t breathe and you just felt completely humiliated as you looked right in her face as she said this to you. But now it made sense, why she was acting so cold towards you. She knew what you and Harry had done and now you had to face the music, like an adult. No excuses and no shifting blame. All you could do now was apologize to her for sleeping with her boyfriend and assure her that it was purely carnal and it would never happen again.

“I’m so sorry. I know you might not believe me but I mean, I feel awful about the whole thing. I swear it wasn’t more than those couple of times and it was purely physical. I haven’t tried to contact him at all or-”

“Couple of times? Why would you feel bad about sleeping with him before?” She questioned with confusion and you suddenly felt your stomach drop to the ground as you realized that she in fact didn’t know the full story. Well, now she did and you could see the cogs in her brain turning as she pieced the information together.

Harry had told her something else and you had no fucking clue what that had been! You knew you had to get out of this somehow, but you were completely frozen as the realization hit her like a ton of bricks. It’s not like you could take back what you had said. But if you could give anything up in the world to turn back time and say something else, you would. Your eyes started welling up as you felt this sense of doom starting to seep into your body, it traveled from deep in your guts to the rest of your body as she looked at you expectantly. You shook your head and she stepped closer to you.

“How many times, Y/N?” She asked and you shook your head again, “Fucking tell me.” She pressed, trying to keep her anger at bay.

“Four or five times. I-i think.” You stammered as your tears started to streak down your cheeks.

“When was the last time?” She asked and you swallowed thickly as you fought to keep the words in. “Y/N.” She pressed and you sniffled.

“Look, he loves you and he-”

“Tell me, you fucking slut.” She hissed quietly, all you could see in her eyes was rage.

“M-march.” You said and she inhaled deeply and pressed her lips together for a second before looking off as she processed the information. She then turned to you with disgust painted all over her features, “Fuck you. Stay the hell away from him or else. Do you understand?” She admonished and you nodded quickly as you blinked back tears before hurrying off. 

You were panicking as you searched around for Monty, he had the room key for the suite you had been given to hang out in during the day. And right now you needed to get to your phone and warn Harry before she got a chance to go off on him. You were weaving through the crowd trying to find Monty and then you spotted Harry’s girlfriend leaving the event with her phone pressed to her ear and a scowl on her face. That image alone made your stomach turn uncomfortably and one single thought crossed your mind: Harry was going to hate you forever now.

****************

Waiting for Harry to call you was miserable. Hours passed, then, it had been a day. Then, two days. Then, a week. And once that week hit you were resigned to the fact that even your friendship with him was over and that’s why he wasn’t talking to you. You hadn’t meant to sabotage him or his relationship, but you’d made his worst fear come true. You were dying to reach out but you were scared that you’d just make things worse. 

But also, how the hell were you supposed to know that he’d said something else about your relationship? But just the way that she had been acting towards you made you believe that she knew that you two had slept together while they were dating. If he’d been single when you slept together there was no need to for her to be acting upset or cold towards you unless she was just extremely jealous. Which now, was more than justified. The only other person you could turn to at the moment was Joe because he had figured it out on his own, but you didn’t want to bother him with any of this. It wasn’t his to fuss over and he was still dealing with his own infidelity problems. Your time in LA was coming to a close quickly and you were petrified.

You were so nervous to go home. The community in London was quite small and word got around fast, especially when the gossip involved someone as famous as Harry, it was one of the downsides of his success. But if you had made the mistake, then you needed to face the consequences of the mistake as well. If you lost friends or if people stopped trusting you then, so be it. You had done something awful and you had to tough it out.

“Hey.” You heard and turned around to see your friend Monty stepping out onto the small balcony that came with his apartment. 

“Hi.” You responded with a small smile and he came over and plopped down into the seat beside you and exhaled slowly, like he was letting something off of his chest. 

You were crashing in his guest bedroom for the duration of your stay and were taking advantage of the Southern California sunsets while you had the chance to. Your trips to America were mostly to New York and it was so different than this. People were in a rush here too, like in every big city, but they were so much nicer about it here. Well, so long as your decision making didn’t take time out of their day. Regardless, you weren’t ready to go back to the reality surely awaiting you in London.

“You alright?” He asked and you nodded, “Sure? You’ve been…weird.” He said with a small smile and you sighed.

“I did a bad thing, Monty.” You said and he frowned, “A really bad thing.”

“D-do you want to talk about it?” He asked and you smiled.

“Depends…just promise you won’t judge me too harshly.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.” He replied and you smiled, but then it faded away and you sighed.

“I…had sex with one of my friends. Multiple times. But he’s…in a relationship.” You admitted and he turned to you.

“That’s it?” He asked seriously, but seconds later a smile broke past his lips and you chuckled.

“Thanks for trying…” You mumbled and he laughed.

“Yeah, of course.” He chuckled, “But ummm, seriously, there are worse things you could do, Y/N.” He said.

“I suppose so…”

“More seriously though, we all make mistakes. And I know you well and I know that you wouldn’t just do that for anyone. You must really care about him if you were willing to break all the rules for him.”

“I do. But feelings don’t justify hurting another person. And well…I ran into his girlfriend at the gig last week and she said that she knew we had slept together and so I assured her that it was just those couple times but she didn’t know it was a couple of times or that it was recent. She thought this had happened while he was still single, which the first time we did, he was!” You explained, “But her confrontation made me panic and I…spilled my guts! So I…did a bad thing and then probably ruined his relationship on top of that.” You sighed, still feeling the guilt making you feel sick to your stomach.

“Let me stop you right there.” Monty smiled, “You didn’t ruin their relationship. He ruined it himself by pursuing you. If he truly loved the person he was with, nothing could make him stray. So stop taking responsibility for things that aren’t yours to be responsible for. You hear me?” He asked and you nodded a few times with a small smile. “Next thing, forgive yourself in your own and don’t do it ever again. You learned the lesson didn’t you?”

“Yeah.” You confirmed.

“Then stop torturing yourself and move on.” He advised, “It might take time, but take the first step now. Sitting here and torturing yourself over something that’s in the past is not going to do anything for you or for them.”

“He hasn’t…reached out or anything. I really thought he would.” You said with a small voice and Monty hummed.

“But, you know what that means then, right? That he’s…made his decision and it’s not you.” Monty stated and you exhaled shakily as a few silent tears streaked down your face. 

“You’re right.” You concurred before looking ahead again, watching the sky change colors as the sun sunk deeper and deeper into the horizon. 

********************

You were finally getting home after the near 11 hour flight from LA. You were nervous to run into Harry because you still hadn’t heard from him and assumed that it was because of the same thing Monty had told you, he was working things out with his girlfriend. She had wanted you out of his life, she said it to you herself. So it made sense why he hadn’t reached out to you. You imagined that he hated himself a little bit for doing it this way, but if it gave his partner peace, he would sacrifice his preferred method of dealing with shit and find closure another way. You were similar to him in this as well, you wanted to apologize to him and explain that you didn’t air his dirty laundry on purpose! Even if he still decided to never speak to you again, at least you’d get to say your piece! You’d definitely prefer his silence from that than the ‘pretend Y/N doesn’t exist’ method he was using now. But considering you might not have the chance to do that, you too needed to find another way in which to close the door on Harry for good.

Your thoughts were racing as you cycled through your tasks in a disorganized fashion. You had started unpacking your luggage to put things in the washing machine but then decided that you needed to brew yourself some coffee to help keep you awake so that you wouldn’t have jet lag. But while you waited for your coffee to brew you decided to have a quick body shower so that you could complete all your tasks in a fresh and comfy outfit. And when you emerged from the bathroom, wrapped in a towel you groaned and saw the outfit you wanted to wear was sitting in the dirty laundry portion of your suitcase. You were starting to get annoyed and decided you needed your caffeine immediately. And when you made it to the kitchen you saw your empty mug sitting under your Nespresso because you forgot to add water to it and that was your last straw.

All of the anger and frustration that you had pent up inside from the situation with Harry, how tired you were, and how scatter-brained you felt just bubbled over and you grabbed the mug in fit of rage and threw it on the ground, shattering it into an irreparable heap of ceramic.

“Fuck my life!” You shouted, your chest was rising and falling dramatically as you started to get choked up. You sniffled as your tears blurred your vision and you started to cry. You’d been trying to keep it together, to not be upset at any of it because you had been the one in the wrong, but it still hurt. It hurt to know that Harry had feelings for you but not enough to choose you. It hurt to know that your friendship with him was more than likely over. It hurt to know that you’d compromised a part of yourself, that you’d stooped so fucking low for absolutely nothing at all in return! All you’d truly gained was a fuck ton of self-loathing and you couldn’t pretend that you didn’t deserve it because you absolutely did.

*****************

Harry’s POV

When Harry’s girlfriend called and confronted him about what you’d shared with her at whatever party you two were at, he was livid. He immediately thought the worst thing, that you were trying to get him back or to sabotage his relationship. But when the initial wave of rage subsided and he was able to think a bit more rationally, he recalled how you’d also respected the fact that, that’s where he would be focusing all of his efforts. And you had said that you cared for him and if that were true, you would never do anything to hurt him on purpose. He had to believe that and he had to cling to that. 

When his girlfriend returned home she gave him an ultimatum, if he wanted things to move forward in their relationship then he had to leave you out of his life. He felt sick to his stomach upon hearing that so he’s not sure why he agreed to it so easily, but he did. It had been weeks now and the more days passed by, his regret in this decision only grew. He was sitting in mediocrity, in routine, and a lot spite towards himself. Did he deserve it, yes, but he couldn’t see a world in which they could make it past this with the way she was acting. She would just pretend she wasn’t upset about it and then when they’d have a disagreement it always got thrown back in his face, no matter how much he apologized for it. When he’d ask what he needed to do to make it better she’d say she didn’t know or when he wanted to help her understand why he did what he’d done, she didn’t want to face it! But when she’d get frustrated about it, she’d blow up on him and not let him respond. And it started to sink in that he had made a mistake in trying to force things to work with her and he had to say something.

This is why he found himself waiting up for her to get back in from a rehearsal. He needed to get some things off his chest. Harry was one to talk things out, he didn’t like to sit on things and let them brew and fester like she did. And that’s what he’d been doing a lot of lately, just sitting in dissatisfaction. When he heard the front door open he sat up, more than prepared to just get the conversation over with. 

“Hey babe, still up?” He heard her approaching.

“Yeah. Waited up.” He responded and she smiled as she came through the door and directly to the bed and kissed his lips. He was a little stiff in returning the kiss and she sniggered, “What’s the matter?” She asked, with a dimpled smile adorning her face. And as he looked into her eyes he just felt the need to be honest with her.

“Ummm…I…I can’t do this anymore.” He said softly and her smiled faded. She blinked a few times, as if she were trying to determine if this was real or not.

“Seriously, Harry?” She scoffed with an angry but surprised expression on her face.

“I’m sorry.” He apologized as he looked deep into her eyes to show his sincerity, but soon her eyes were narrowing into angry slits.

“Wait…Are you dumping me for her?” She asked and he sighed. “Oh my god…” she mumbled incredulously as she stood and paced around as Harry got out of the bed and walked up to her and grabbed her shoulders from behind and she whipped around, “Don’t fucking touch me!” She shouted at him and he frowned but nodded. “What does she have that I don’t, Harry?” She asked sadly and he shook he sighed. He didn’t want to go down that road, she never saw when she was in the wrong and it would just make things worse, but he needed to be honest.

“It’s not that there’s anything wrong with you.” He explained, “It’s just different with her and she’s more…open to things th-that you don’t like and that I find myself…wanting more of.” He explained and she scoffed.

“That’s it?! All the sex shit I refuse to do?” She asked through a scoff, “Are you fucking kidding me?! You know, she’s only into that shit because she’s fucked up, Harry! Only a fucked up person can find pleasure in being used and degraded that way!” His features furrowed in offense.

“So what does that make me then?” She frowned when she realized what she’d just said.

“Harry, it’s not-”

“No, please, give it to me straight! It was my idea, I’m the one who brought that into our affair and she liked it. So if she’s fucked up for liking it, then what am I for wanting it?” He questioned and she shook her head.

“I just…I don’t understand it.” She said, “It’s not…normal.” She elaborated and he smiled sarcastically.

“Yeah alright, let’s say you’re right and it’s not. So what we do is normal?” He asked her, “Just the same thing, over and over and over again? After a fucking year together you refuse to even try new things with me! All you do is judge me for it? It’s like you don’t trust me!” 

“I don’t! I don’t trust you when you’re in that headspace, Harry! What if you hurt me? What if you can’t stop?!” He rolled his eyes.

“I’m not a fucking monster!” He shouted back, “That’s the fucking point of all of it, to exercise control or to relinquish it! It’s all a two way street! But quite frankly, it never has been with you…” he said and she scoffed.

“I do things for you!” She shouted back and he rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, your half-assed head really makes me feel close to you.” He murmured sarcastically and she groaned.

“You know that I don’t like to because you’re too big for my comfort and I don’t want to get all messy and…it doesn’t make me feel good! It makes me feel cheap and used!” She shouted back and he nodded.

“Yeah, how do you think I feel whenever I’m the one pulling all the weight in our sex life and in this relationship? I want to enjoy it, I want feel good in this relationship too!” He exclaimed, “I fucking dread it when I know you want to fuck! Or when you’re upset at something! I really fucking do!” He confessed and it felt so good to say it and she frowned deeply upon hearing him say that.

“So that’s all that matters to you? The sex?” She asked sadly.

“Of course not, but it’s pretty fucking important to me.” He said and she rolled her eyes.

“And what about everything else? What about the emotional and intellectual connection we have? W-we have that down at the very least don’t we?” She asked and he sighed.

“Sure…but it’s…more w-with her.” He said and she shook her head in disbelief, “There are things about how she is that just…resonate more with me. It’s not just the sex, it’s a lot of things that we deal with more similarly.”

“Okay, like what then?” She asked and he sighed.

“Like now, when we’re arguing about something or needing to discuss something serious. You…just pretend like nothing is wrong until you can’t handle it anymore. And when I try to talk about it then this happens! You just shout and shout and never fucking listen t-to what I’m trying to say or how I feel. And when I try to bring that up, you always say you’re not ready to talk about it!”

“Yeah, I like to think through things, Harry! Not argue in circles!” She defended herself and he groaned.

“We only argue in circles because you don’t listen to anything I’m trying to say to you!” He explained already feeling exasperated, “You’re doing it now! Things don’t have to escalate into a fight whenever we disagree about something, we could discuss it. That’s the point of talking it through then and there. While emotions are fresh and the situation is at hand! You use your words to communicate how you feel and what you want. I’m not a mind reader, I don’t know what you’re thinking or how long you’re gonna take to think about things, at least communicate that!” He explained and she sighed.

“Well, that’s not how I like to do things.”

“Well, there are two people in this relationship. Two different people with their own needs and expectations, not just you.” He said and she scoffed.

“Oh please! And all this with Y/N wasn’t just about you? Fucking someone else while we were together, that wasn’t selfish of you?”

“Of course it was! I know it was and it was wrong of me. I recognize that I made a mistake in going to another person.” He accepted, “And I’m sorry that you’ve been hurt in the process. She told me, multiple times to just talk to you so that I wouldn’t have to go find happiness somewhere else and I tried! I really fucking tried and it’s just…not happening for me with you.” He said sadly.

“And what, she’s going to make you happy?” She asked sarcastically.

“I don’t know, but I have to try, if only to rule out the fact that she’s not the one for me.” Harry said and that’s when she started to cry. 

Of course he felt awful about it, but just now, hearing her even say some of the things she had said made him feel like he didn’t fully know her. And more than that, the things she had said were mean and offensive. He understood that she was hurt, but he’d never considered that she could stoop that low, even when angry.

“I fucking hate you.” She seethed as she stormed off into the ensuite and he sighed as he sat down on the edge of the bed. Moments later she returned with the clothes from her designated drawers piled up in her arms and she dropped them on the bed. “Can you at least grab my suitcase from the top shelf? I can’t reach it.” She said and he nodded and did as she asked.

“Do you want me t-to give you some space?” He asked and she sniffled.

“Do whatever you fucking want, Harry.” She mumbled through her tears as she continued putting clothes into her large suitcase. He sighed and stood before going down to the kitchen to set the kettle for some tea. 

It was about twenty minutes later when she called him up to help her bring her things down as her friend would be arriving soon. He did just that and soon she was coming down the staircase with her duffle bag hanging off of her shoulder.

“Where are you going to stay?” He asked.

“With a cast mate.” She mumbled, “At least until I can go back home.” She said and he nodded.

“Can you just let me know when you’re in safe for the night?”

“Oh, now you care…” she mumbled.

“I do care about you. I have this entire time, I just-”

“Care about her more.” She said plainly.

“I was going to say that I’m just not in love with you anymore.” He said and she sighed.

“You know, I don’t think I am either.” She confessed, “I thought we were fine but…I guess, fine is rather anticlimactic in a relationship.” She said morosely.

“Yeah.” He concurred. Then, her phone chimed to indicate her ride was here and she went over to the security keypad by the door and opened up the gate for her friend to get through. He helped her get her things outside and into the boot of the car. She came over with her duffle and he grabbed it from her and neatly set it beside her suitcase before pulling the door of the boot down gently.

“If I find anything else of yours should I send it to your flat in New York?” He asked.

“Yes, please.” She confirmed.

“Okay, no problem. I really am sorry, I know that I went about things the complete wrong way, but-”

“You know what, just save it, Harry. I really don’t give a fuck.” She said with a tired smile and he licked over his lips and nodded awkwardly before clearing his throat.

“Well, then…I uh-”

“I really hope that fucking whore is worth it for whatever time you have together.” She cut him off, “And I hope it’s painfully miserable for you two and that she cheats on you too. And when she does, because a whore can’t help herself, and I inevitably hear about it through the grapevine, just know I’m going to be so fucking ecstatic. I will not hesitate to reach out to you just to rub it in your stupid, fucking face, Harry.” She said spitefully and he couldn’t help but smirk as she wished him ill. He just had never seen this side of her.

“Alright, love, you do that. Use up all your free time to keep tabs on me.” He mumbled sarcastically.

“Fuck you, Harry!” She spat before walking around him to get into the car. He sighed as he walked back up to the front door and he heard her shouting at her friend that she didn’t want to talk about it and to just go. So the car started again and he waved them off with a smile as she stuck her hand out the window and flipped him the bird as they took off into the night.

Yeah, he deserved everything she’d said. He’d definitely been a bad boyfriend, particularly towards the end there, but he felt relieved. Relieved that he no longer had to be the only one compromising. Relieved that he’d no longer have to skirt around things and keep shit bottled up inside to keep her comfortable. And relieved that at least now, he’d have the chance to explore having more with you. He truly had no idea if during your time apart you’d managed to move on fully. Or if his silence over the last few weeks had made you hate him or if it’d completely broken your heart to the point that you no longer wanted anything with him. But regardless of all of that, he was certain of one thing, which was that you’d at least hear him out and let him apologize and explain. If it were his ex that he was trying to fix things with, well, he’d assume that her reception would be similar to her goodbye to him. Even if you wanted nothing to do with him in a romantic or sexual sense anymore, he knew you’d still find it in your heart to stay friends with him and he reckoned that even that would be enough for him.

…. A FEW DAYS LATER ….

You had been doing a bit better now that you were back home. You’d come clean to Goldie about what had transpired between you and Harry. And while she was shocked and disappointed in the both of you, she was still there for you and let you cry out your hurt and disappointment. What you feared would happen, being ostracized and judged harshly, wasn’t the case, thankfully. In fact, Goldie had just invited you out with her Sam, and Paul. She assured you that she hadn’t heard of Harry joining, but you wanted to err on the side of caution for the time being and respect the very clear distance that had been put in place by him. Even if Harry didn’t show up, if his girlfriend saw that you were out with more of his friends it might make her feel like you were purposefully encroaching into his life. You had already done enough to complicate things between them, so you needed to be mindful of things like this.

“Thanks, G. It’s sweet of you but I’m just not up for it tonight. Especially not with Paul around. If she sees something from the paps or even social media it could upset her and I don’t want to risk upsetting her even more.” You explained.

“Oh, babe…I appreciate you wanting to do the noble thing, but you really need to get out a bit to get all this off your mind, you know?” She countered and you smiled.

“How about this? I make a reservation at Cecconi’s for tomorrow in the late afternoon. We have an early dinner with a few Negronis and that phenomenal mixed berries cheesecake they serve! And then, when we’re well buzzed, we go to SOHO House? We can get drunk and flirt with people, and network.” You grinned as you giggled.

“We have to look fit. I mean FIT!” She emphasized and you giggled again.

“Yeah, you can even come over and get ready together!” You offered since you lived closest to SOHO. 

“Alright! We can make a whole day out of it! I can bring bagels from Papo’s! And we can have Prosecco’s and coconut water so that we’re drunk, but hydrated!” She shared excitedly.

“Yeah, alright.” You agreed.

“I’ll pop in around 9:30 or 10?”

“Yeah, that’s perfect.” You agreed and she squealed happily.

“I’m so excited! Can’t wait!”

“Neither can I!” You assured happily.

“Ah, alright babes, I’m gonna let you go. Have a good night, yeah?”

“You too, G. See ya’ later.”

“See ya’!” She chirped before hanging up. 

You smiled to yourself as you finished packing your left over dinner. You then headed up to your room to just wash up and get into your pajamas so that you wouldn’t have to get up and do all this if you accidentally fell asleep while watching TV. You went over to your window and opened it up to let the cool temperature of the night waft in. You then went about and lit a few candles before turning down you bed and switching on your sunset lamp, projecting a warm pink and orange collage on your ceiling. You set down the remote on your bedside table and then bit your lip as you saw your wand vibrator’s light blinking steadily as it charged up. 

Next on your list was your weed, it was just three prerolls that you’d smuggled in from LA. Stupid and risky, yes. But worth it. You grabbed one of the little tubes and went to set it down by your bean bag sofa chair along with the ashtray and lighter in your hand. You then headed downstairs to grab a glass of water and your dark chocolate KitKat that you’d purchased earlier when you’d decided on how you’d spend your evening. You were switching off all the lights and then stopped before the front door for just a moment, and then your doorbell rang. You flinched in fright at the unlikely coincidence, and chills tingled your spine as the chime sounded through the townhome. It wasn’t all that late, but a little too late for deliveries. You quietly padded up to the door and tiptoed a little bit to look through the peep hole and froze.

Your mouth slightly dropped open in shock when you saw Harry standing at your doorstep looking right to left as he tapped his foot nervously. You felt a lump forming in your throat and your heart rate started to rise rapidly. You were tingling all over with excitement, fear, dread, and happiness. Suddenly he looked right at the peephole, it made your insides churn violently as you made eye contact through the little lens.

“Y/N?” He asked and you relished at the sound of his voice, but felt your chest ache because he needed to leave.

“You shouldn’t be here, Harry.” You said through the door.

“I need to be here, angel.” He said  and you felt your chest tighten up. You pulled back and turned the locks to open the door and as soon as you were in front of him he just chuckled happily and stepped forward, pushing his way inside so that he could wrap you up in his arms. He just threw the door back before he pulled you into his chest. “Hi, angel.” He hummed lowly as he leaned his face against the side of your head.

“Hi!” You laughed happily as you settled into his warmth. You were pleasantly surprised that he was here. In the flesh! You were touching him, breathing him in. You gently tickled his back with your nails and he hummed.

“Missed you, angel.” He hummed and you smiled.

“Missed you too.” You responded, “Are you alright?” You asked him and started to pull back.

“Yeah, I’m alright.” He smiled, “I ummm…I ended things with her.” He said of his girlfriend, well, ex-girlfriend now. 

“I’m so sorry. Are you sure you’re alright?” You asked and he nodded again.

“Even more so now.” He flirted and you sniggered a bit and you just looked at each other in silence for a few seconds, “Look, I’m so sorry-”

“I’m so sorry, Harry-” You both spoke at the same time and chuckled.

“You don’t need to apologize.” He said, “I know you’d never do anything to hurt me on purpose.” He said and you nodded.

“Never, H.” You assured him and he smiled at your reassurance.

“So…what the hell happened?!” He asked through a chuckle and you groaned.

“Don’t make me relive it…” You whined, “You’re lucky that I didn’t jump off the rooftop then and there. It was mortifying.” You giggled and he tutted.

“I need to know!” He insisted and you groaned.

“H, I had a whole plan for the evening.” You muttered.

“Did you? You were gonna go out?” He asked and you shook your head.

“No, they were…homebody plans.” You said coyly and he smiled.

“Yeah? Walk me through the plan then.” He pressed and you bit your lip. 

“Mmm…was gonna smoke a joint…” you hummed and his eyebrows arched up as he smirked, “While listening to smutty stuff…and probably get off before just getting to bed.” you confessed and he bit his lip.

“Are you just trying to make this sexual?” He asked and you laughed and shook your head.

“No, I swear! I have a whole set up in my room.” You giggled and he knocked his head back as he laughed.

“Well, d’you mind if I distract you from your plans for a little bit?” He asked and you shook your head.

“Not at all.” You assured and he smiled, “Come on.” You said and grabbed his hand as you guided him through your townhome and to your bedroom. 

Harry saw the beautiful pink glow of your bedroom from down the hall. And he could also smell the delicious floral but warm and musky scent wafting from your bedroom. He inhaled deeply as he crossed the threshold and immediately went over to see the candles you had burning. He didn’t see a name apart from the brand on the vessel and as he glanced down to see if there was perhaps a lid close by he saw your vibrator plugged in and charging and he chuckled a bit, he had definitely intruded tonight. But maybe if things went well he could improve upon your plans. Normally, he would just go up and grab you if he wanted you and he was certain you wouldn’t object. But if he got to have sex with you tonight, he wanted to show you another side of what it could be like because of his feelings for you. You two were always fighting to keep the tender and loving bit out of your sessions, but he could still be kinky and sprinkle in the loving bits if you were open to trying for more with him.

“You really weren’t kidding.” He said and you turned back to see him pointing at your toy and sputtered on a laugh.

“I really wasn’t. It’s alright though, I can do that any other day.” You chuckled as he walked over and then plopped on your bed to slip out of his sneakers. “Ummm, do you want some of this?” You asked him, raising the joint and he nodded. “Okay, so I don’t have another seat to offer you, this is my designated smoking chair.” You explained to the bean bag sofa chair.

“You have a smoking chair?” He questioned you and you sniggered.

“I do! I don’t smoke often at all but I don’t want to stink up any of my nice furniture when I get the craving for it.” You explained and he hummed in amusement at your logic.

“I see…well, I can sit on the floor just get me a cushion for my bum.” 

“Okay.” You hummed and grabbed one of the round, velvet cushions you had as decor on your bed and set it beside the bean bag. You then settled in as he came over and with his foot, guided the cushion to the front of your seat. You glanced up at him and he smiled down at you.

“Open up.” He said and you parted your legs so that he could sit and nestle between them. Once he was comfy you leaned over him and handed him the joint and lighter. He sparked it up and took the first drag before handing it back to you, seconds later he was blowing the smoke out the large window and then you did the same. “So…how’d it happen?” He asked, bringing up your conversation from downstairs.

“Well, my friend Monty was hired as entertainment for the party and he asked me to tag in as the bassist and I agreed. I saw her from the stage at one point and smiled but she did not look pleased. So I decided to just not interact unless we were forced to because I didn’t want to stir up any trouble for you.” You explained.

“So you were forced to speak to her?”

“Yes! During the break in the set we both happened to walk up to the same bar line! Just my fucking luck, you know…?” you muttered as you recalled and he chuckled and turned around to face you instead so that you could converse better. “We said hello to each other and like…she seemed fine by then. Maybe it was stupid of me to ask how you were, but I was just making small talk because you’re the only thing we really have in common in terms of acquaintances.” you explained and he nodded, “And then she said that she’s sure I was nice but that she wanted me to stay away from you because she didn’t trust me.” You shared, his features turned down as he hummed in understanding, “And then she finished that with saying, “I know you slept with him”, that was it. Just like that.” You explained and his eyes widened. “Yeah!” You laughed nervously, as the feelings from that moment resurfaced again.

“Jesus…”

“I know…I was frazzled!” You exclaimed before taking another drag and handing the joint back to him. You held it in for a minute as he took his own drag, and then you blew out the smoke towards the window. “Just hearing it like that, in such a confrontational manner, I thought that meant that she knew-knew.” You said and he nodded, “So I just started apologizing frantically and assuring her that it hadn’t happened any more than those times and that you loved her, but I guess you told her something else because she looked really confused when I said that.”

“I just told her that we had been together before she and I were together, just about the one time before.” He said and you hummed.

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean to fuck things up for you two. She just started to ask me how many times and when! And I was…so embarrassed and nervous and ashamed of myself.” You pouted and he reached for your calf and rubbed his thumb up and down your leg soothingly.

“I’m sorry, angel.” He replied. “I must admit I thought the worst at first, but then I just…I knew you’d never do that to me.” He said and you nodded.

“I wouldn’t, H. I know that it was a mistake and you were trying your best to not make the same mistake with me again-”

“Hey, look at me.” He said as he set the joint down on the ashtray you’d set out, “The only mistake I made was not choosing you from the very beginning. Even after the first time I was blown away by you. I was fucked from the start.” He said and your gaze softened, “I…I’ve felt things with you that I haven’t felt before. And while I…love that we’re compatible in the sex part of things, I’ve also given some thought to what things might’ve been like if we were together. And Y/N, I think it would be really good.” He said earnestly and you smiled softly at him. “Even just in the glimpses I’ve had of real life situations I’ve been in with you, I know we’re compatible in those parts too. You actually listen to me to understand me, not just to respond, you know? You think about me and consider me, even before yourself sometimes.” He said. “I know that…I haven’t done a lot of that for you previously, but I would like the opportunity to show you that I can do that for you and more.” He said and you smiled.

“To be fair, you did try, I just never let you before.” You added as you raked your fingers into his hair and he leaned into you, “I’ve also felt things with you that I’ve never felt before.” You confessed, “But it…scares me, H.” You confessed and he pouted a little bit, “Not because of you, but because of me. I fear that I would get lost in it.” You said and he smiled.

“Why is that a bad thing? I could get lost with you.” He mused and you giggled.

“We’re too old for that kind of thing, H.”

“Yeah, but that’s part of it, isn’t it? The honeymoon phase? Relishing in love without a care for what could befall us?” He asked and you smiled, “Get lost in love, in the excitement, in the sex…” he hummed with a grin, “That’s literally the best part.”

“It is…” you smiled in agreement.

“You know, when I think about you, I can’t imagine that the initial excitement will ever go away. We’d have so much fun together.” He said and you smiled.

“We would. But what about when things get…hard. Like when you’re touring or on other projects?” You asked and he thought about for a moment.

“We could be like Paul and Linda in WINGS.” He suggested with a small smile and you giggled, “No! Seriously! Hear me out…you could join the band! We could do all of it together, like Mitch and Sarah!” He said and you smiled, “Create, write, and perform…I know you’d love life on the road. And then just…do life together.”

“It does sound amazing.” You admitted with a smile.

“It does. And I know that I’m just out of a relationship, but things are a little bit different than just a normal breakup. We had something together and I want to explore it with you. I want to have the chance to make you happy how you deserve, angel. No more bits and pieces of attention and affection. If you give me your heart, I promise I’ll keep it safe.” He appealed.

You caressed his face gently, “My heart’s been yours for a while now, Harry. And even through all of this, I think you’ve done a wonderful job of protecting it.” You assured him. “I don’t want to ignore this anymore. I just feel so good when we’re together or even just in each other’s space.” You said softly. “You know, sometimes it feels like I’m connected to you in a certain way. Or maybe it’s my imagination…” you mumbled, excusing your ramblings. 

“We are.” He assured you, “I feel that too. It aches a little when we’re apart. And I just…sense it when you’re close by.”

“Yeah?” you smiled inquisitively and he nodded.

“Believe it or not, I was sitting out there for about half an hour, trying to decide if it was too bold of me to show up here unannounced. I had no idea if you were in or not. And then I suddenly felt this sense of urgency and came up to your door and here we are now.” He shared.

“Ummm, actually…when you arrived at the door I was about to go back to my room and just stopped at the front door for a few moments. I don’t know why, I just felt like I needed to. And then you rang the doorbell.” You shared with a smile, “Creepy, huh?” You asked.

“Mmm, I think it’s rather normal.”

“Being that in tune with another person is not normal.” You voiced your opinion, “I think it’s quite special.”

“I meant it’s normal for us.” He said and you grinned.

“Oh, then you’re 100% right.” You giggled and he smiled and leaned forward to kiss your knee through your pajama pants. You smiled down at him and when his eyes glanced up to meet yours again you sighed dreamily, “Just getting to be there with you is already way better than the plans I had made for myself.” You said through a giggle and he chuckled.

“Mmm…I think we could redirect things back to the original concept.” He smirked and you giggled but then your face turned serious.

“We don’t have to if you’re not ready for that. I’m not even horny or anything, was gonna build up to it with the spicy audios.” You confessed, “Although, well…seeing you definitely made me horny.” You chuckled bashfully, “So I am now but this is also good. We don’t have to if you’re not, you know…” You finished explaining.

“Oh, I definitely am, angel.” He chuckled, “Can’t help it when I’m around you.” He smiled, “But I…want to try something a little different this time.” He said and you nodded.

“Okay, what is it?”

“I wanna be more in my feelings while we do it.” He said and you bit your lip to suppress a nervous-excited smile.

“Umm…o-okay.”

“Okay. I’m just letting you know because…I know that we already get a little wild, but with my heart in it too, things could get a little bit more intense.” He warned you.

“That’s alright.” You nodded.

“And can I…ask you something?” He looked a bit nervous upon getting his request out.

“Of course.” You nodded.

“W-when I…degraded you and overpowered you or things like that, where I was…rough and harsh on you…” he started and you nodded, wordlessly communicating that he continue, “Did you do that for me? Like…did you agree to it like t-to please me. Because I like that or is it…well, was it for you too?” He asked.

“Of course I did it to make you happy but because I like it too.” You shared, “I like it quite a bit. Maybe a little too much.” You smiled as you shared.

“Do you think that…that means we’re…fucked up?” He asked, you could see he was feeling vulnerable for being self-conscious about it. 

In your opinion, the last place a person should be feeling ashamed in was in their sexuality. A person’s sexuality is such a vulnerable part of them, it reflects your deepest darkest fantasies, your id. It was the home of the libido according to Freud. And it could be a little kinky and perverted and maybe even a little scary to confront. But the beauty in that was that how well a person dominated that side of them, was a clear indicator of the amount of ego strength that person has. Which can only mean that a person has a very righteous and strong sense of conscientiousness, the superego. So in short, no, their preferences did not make them “fucked up”. It made them human. It made them normal. And indulging in that part of themselves in the appropriate setting helped them be able to flourish in all of the other roles they had in the world. Like being musicians, an uncle, a creators, a friend to others, a good person…

“Definitely not.” You said reassuringly. “Not if you don’t feel wrong for it.” You added, “Do you?” You inquired and he shook his head.

“It feels….liberating.”

“How so?” You asked with a smirk…you were ready to get started, “When you decide that you want to fuck me, what goes through your head?” He licked his lips and smiled slightly.

“Well I think,  I always get the things I want. And when I want that, when I want you, I just…take you. Because I can.” He smirked.

“So you’re selfish.” You grinned and he shrugged.

“I tend to be…one of my many flaws.” He smiled and you hummed.

“You know how I am…hyper independent. A control freak a bit…” you said and he nodded, “My instincts tell me not to be, to just take what comes my way…deep inside I know I’m actually powerless. And while it’s terrifying, there is something freeing about that. Because while it makes me vulnerable to really shitty things, I also makes me vulnerable to really wonderful things. Like getting bent over your hotel room bed with your cock in my pussy and your fingers in my ass…” You laughed and he did as well. “So, you give me what I need and I give you what you need, even the secret parts of us connect well. So yeah, it’s fucking freeing to be seen and understood on every level. We’re so fucking lucky to exist at the same time.” You said softly with a smile. 

Harry didn’t even hesitate to kneel up and smash his lips into yours. His kiss was ardent, heavy with affection and lust. Your tongues smeared together before he sucked your bottom lip between his lips. He gently bit into it, increasing his bite force bit by bit until you dug your nails into his shoulder. Your kiss simmered down from one second to the next and became so sweet. Just small and playful little pecks interrupted by giddy smiles and soft giggles and mumbles about starting to feel the weed. 

“The back of my knee is tickling!” You giggled and he sniggered, “Ughhh, scratch it please. Make it stop.” You requested and he pulled the leg of your pants up to be able to scratch the back of your knee, “Thank you.” You giggled and pecked his lips quickly. “Wanna get in bed?”

“Yeah, angel.” He mumbled and then he picked up the joint, “Let’s finish this off so that it feels extra nice.” He instructed as he sparked it up for you. “Want you to be a little easier for me.” He said and you smirked as he took his drag.

“Don’t need to be high to be easy for you.” You chuckled and he did as well and kissed you gently before shotgunning the smoke he’d exhaled into your mouth.

“Maybe not but it’s more this way.” He said before kissing you again and handing over the joint.

Once you’d finished it off you both stood and Harry started to undress you. He was getting your panties off when you handed the butt to him and he smashed it into the ashtray to properly extinguish it. He stood and then pulled you over to your bed, you happily plopped on it as he got undressed. He instructed you to grab your vibrator, so you crawled to the other side of the bed and unplugged it from the charger. Your pussy pulsed and fluttered in anticipation. You wanted to feel the silicone buzzing into your clit so badly, you were growing impatient and even more wet than before. You wriggled and rubbed your thighs together to get some friction going. Your labia glided together with ease from how aroused you were as you watched Harry undoing the buttons and fly on his jeans. You’d give anything to kiss down his abs and smooch down his happy trail until you got a mouthful of his cock. You moaned as you watched him pull down his briefs along with his jeans, his thick, long cock sprung up, wobbling about a bit from the sudden release. You licked over your lips. He watched you salivate over his cock, so he knelt onto the bed and put it in your face.

“Get me in your mouth then.” He mumbled and you immediately parted your lips and started to suck on the tip for a bit before starting to stroke the rest. His soft moans of pleasure were making your skin tingle, you’d missed the sound of him. And the weight of him on your tongue. And the taste of his skin, and it’s natural scent. “Fuck yeah, angel. Take more..I know you can take more.” He said as he pushed your head lower, letting himself dip his toe in the kinky forceful stuff you enjoyed for just a moment, “Shit!” He chuckled as his abs tensed, “Yes, baby…That’s fucking good, just…just wind it down for me. That’s it. Nice and slow, angel. Deeper…a little more.” He hummed and then groaned as he settled just a bit past the back of your mouth, you were holding back a gag, “Fuck, can’t believe how it all fits in there.” You couldn’t hold it back anymore and gagged around him which make him moan in pleasure, “Yeah, gag on it, angel.” He grunted and held himself in before gently pulling back to let you catch your breath. He did this a few more times until your chin was sticky with your drool and his pre-cum. “Is your little pussy throbbing yet?” He asked and you nodded as you wiped your mouth on the back of your hand. “Go wash up.” He said and you nodded and hurried to the ensuite to rinse off your face. 

He knew how much you hated to feel sticky in the face. You soon came back into the room to find him playing with the vibrator. He was clicking through the vibration patterns before he settled on half-note pulses and then pressed it to his frenulum. You stood and watched from the darkness of the bathroom, watching his brows crease and jaw clench as he pleasured his cock with the vibrating wand. He was a fucking masterpiece, and with you being a little high it was making you even more needy for him. You slowly approached and he glanced up to you.

“I think I need to get one of these.” He chuckled before biting his lip.

“Yeah, it makes me come like a fountain.” You shared through a chuckle and he groaned.

“Yeah?” You nodded, “Show me.” He said as he extended it towards you and you bit your lip nervously and climbed onto the bed. You settled into the pillows and he passed over the baby pink vibrator. He settled in beside you and kissed the top of your cheek. “Go on, then. Play with yourself.” He instructed and you didn’t need to be told twice. 

You spread your legs and slowly pressed the vibrator against your clit and immediately gasped. You were already sopping wet, so when you added more pressure it slipped a bit and Harry groaned as he watched you adjust a bit to get it back on your clit. He grabbed your thigh and pulled it open so that he could see you better. His mouth was watering as he watched you getting off, his fingers were itching to touch you in between your legs. He wanted to get down there and breathe you in and taste you until he had his fill of you. He only lasted a few more moments before he kissed you deeply and then shifted around until he was down between your legs and watching up close as your little cunt throbbed and oozed slick. He snatched the vibrator from your hand and shut it off as he delved in. He shook his head back and forth, wiggling to get his tongue in even deeper into your little hole. He wanted to taste everything you were giving right from the source.

“Oh fuck, Harry! Fuck yes, just like that!” You encouraged him as you ground up against his mouth. You were obsessed with the scratchy feeling of his facial hair pricking against your smooth pussy. And you loved how he held you open and licked from your entrance to your clit, flicking the sensitive little bud over and over with the tip of his tongue until you were gasping as your teetered on the edge of your orgasm. “I-I’m gonna come! Please, let me come!” You announced in a higher pitched voice, he hummed against you to signal his permission. Your muscles were completely tense as you held onto the feeling as long as possible until your first orgasm burst from inside of you.

Coming with his help was different. It was your quality of work without having to do any of the actual work. He read your body in ways that made it impossible for you not to give in. It felt so good to be free falling into that gratifying, warm, and tingly feelings. You loved how it tickled just right that it made your toes curl. And hearing him and feeling him moan into your leaking pussy made your eyes roll back before squeezing shut. You loved how he feasted on you. He was kissing your pussy as passionately as he’d kissed your mouth. You were just basking in how happy he was to be here with you. Your hips arched up as you tried to escape his mouth but he locked your thighs in his arms and held you down. It was getting to be too much! You hadn’t even had a chance to fully come down from your orgasm and you were already well on your way to another one. You were writhing and yelped as he nipped at your clit. He chuckled, knowing you didn’t mind a bit of pain. Just as you were about to get to a place where the tingles fully faded he parted his lips and sucked your clit between his lips. His tongue managed to just barely run over it, it was making your had spin. Your thighs were starting to tremble as he was forcing you past the point of no return.

“Harry!” You yelped as he sucked with more force, “Oh! It’s too much! Please! Please, no more!” You pleaded as he forced you down and open and kept sucking. “Fuck! Please, please!” You cried desperately as you writhed beneath him. Suddenly, the most obscene moan broke from your throat involuntarily as your hips and legs spasmed as you started to squirt. Your eyes squeezed shut as you arched up as the pleasure swept through your body. You were just about to come down from it when you heard the vibrator come on and then he was being held just over your clit, barely ticking the surface of your throbbing little bundle. You were panting now just whining pitifully as your little clit was vibrated so quickly. Next thing you knew, two of Harry’s fingers were sinking into your pussy and stretching you out. You swore your eyes crossed as he curved his fingers up and prodded at your g-spot a few times before you were moaning obscenely again as your cum gushed out of your entrance.

“Fuck yeah, angel. Squirt again for me. You can do it, baby. You can give me another one. One more for, daddy.” He grunted as he poured his fingers into you at a more determined pace until you were squirting a bit more for him. He eased into a stop before pulling his fingers out and sucking them clean and then leaning down to kiss you. “Mmm…you’re so perfect, baby. Look at you.” He mumbled in amusement, “I even missed how you taste.” He mumbled against your lips and you smiled and pecked his lips. “How are you feeling?”

“Good.” You replied with a soft smile.

“Promise? Went a little hard on you there.” He said and you nodded.

“Promise. I didn’t use our word.” You reminded him and he nodded.

“That’s right, angel.” He hummed.

“I actually have something in mind…” you started and he nodded, urging you to continue. “What if tonight we see if I can go under?” You asked and you saw the sparkle in his eyes but then he glanced away.

“Ummm…that’s kind of…opposite of what I wanted this time to be.” He admitted with a soft chuckle, “But if that’s what you want, then I-”

“Wait. No, tell me more about what you…were expecting or…hoping for?” You requested and he smiled slightly as he pressed down and kissed you again.

“Thank you for wanting to listen to it.” He said and you smiled and nodded, “Well…I know that before I had…kind of tested the boundary of what was too intimate er whatever. And well…I want to…fuck you with…intention and care and…I suppose…love?” He got out and sighed shakily, “I ummm…I am in love with you. I just…realized it. I’m sorry!” He laughed nervously as he looked into your eyes and you were just beaming. You pressed yourself up and grabbed his face and guided it towards your own until you were kissing slowly with smiles on your faces.

“H.” You mumbled.

“Yeah, baby?”

“Let’s do it your way. Lets add a little affection in there.” You whispered and he smiled.

“Okay.” He whispered back happily, “Do you have condoms?” He asked.

“Let’s not use one.” You said and he kissed you quickly.

“Are you one the pill again?” He whispered his question and you shook your head.

“No.” You reaffirmed verbally and he kissed you again.

“So you’re playing with fire, are you?” He asked and you nodded with a smile. “I really like that.” He hummed smugly. “Gosh, I’ll have to fuck you everyday until we find out you’re knocked up.” He said and you literally blushed as he grinned down at you smugly. “Would you like that, baby?” He asked you nodded quickly as he leaned down and kissed you as he reached down for his cock and positioned it at your entrance.

“Fuck, push it in.” You panted and he dropped his weight into his hips and surged forward until your little hole gave way and parted for his long, thick cock to sink in until his full, heavy balls thudded against your bottom. He ground his hips into you, the tip of his cock kissing your cervix and g-spot with every swirl of his hips until he pulled out and then sunk back in again. By the third one you were starting to tremble.

“That’s good for you, angel?”

“Yes…you feel so fucking good, baby!” You panted as you were brought to the edge and then let back down as he drew out from you. You were tingling in anticipation of feeling him thrust back in. “I love you so much…” you exhaled and he was suddenly feeling all warm and gooey inside.

“Fuck, angel, I love you too…I’m not gonna last too long.” He confessed as he froze deep inside of you. “Get your vibrator for me. Right on your clit. Wanna feel you coming on me one more time.” He said and you were quick to comply. You had it on a lower setting but given your sensitivity level you were starting to reach the edge quite quickly. Specially with Harry pounding away inside of you. You were moaning in time with the even paced grunts rumbling from his chest and the smacking sounds of your centers colliding over and over and over again. Your vision started to go hazy as you blinked up at him before your eyes squeezed shut as you started to come. You could feel your walls throbbing hard around his cock and you wanted nothing more than to feel his warm load filling your pussy.

“Come inside me, daddy!” You begged and he groaned and gave a few more determined thrusts before he was stilling deep inside of you, his hand pressing down on your tummy, you could feel the weight of him over his own cock inside of you. Something about that had you losing your mind and extended your orgasm as you felt him spilling into you.

“Fuck, baby…that’s all yours, angel. M’all yours. Take all my fucking cum.” He grunted deeply, you felt the deepness of his voice rumbling through your body as he ground into you with intent as he came deep inside of you. 

It stole your breath as you started to come again as both of your most vulnerable areas were being stimulated so gloriously. You didn’t mean for it to happen, but your vision started to tunnel and all the sounds around you were muffled as your head just rolled back and you closed your eyes and smiled as this gorgeous cocktail of THC, several orgasms, and sub space collided together in the most chaotic and serendipitous way. Your orgasm seemed to be affecting each of your main body parts one by one, you felt it in each leg, in your tummy, chest, and arms, and then your head. You were floating, you were living in ecstasy, riding the wave for as long as possible. You blinked your eyes open slowly as Harry rested over you and kissed you with tenderness when he saw you floating off in some warm and fuzzy place.

“You’re safe, angel. Safe with me. Love you so much.” He whispered as he kissed all over your face. You locked your legs around his hips, trapping his body against yours snugly, “Fuck yeah, baby. Keep me inside…” he moaned as your walls continued to pulse around him steadily.

  He held you nice and tight, keeping your warm under his body heat. It was then that you realized that you’d left the window opened…you hoped your neighbors hadn’t heard anything, but there was a very slim chance of that being the case. And just like that, the tingle feeling and tunnel vision started to fade and you were slowly descending back into reality. When you felt the strength return to your body, you hugged him back and he sighed happily as he planted another kiss to your cheek.

“Are you alright?” He asked lowly as he glanced down at you and you smiled and nodded. “Use your words for me, angel. Y’know that.” He reminded.

“Sorry, I’m still a little loopy.” You whispered, “But yeah, I’m alright. Just cold.” You said and he tutted.

“Forgot to close the window. Can I get up?” He asked and you shook your head.

“Not yet. Stay close.” You whined and he smiled as he pushed himself up a bit and ran his thumb over your kiss-bitten bottom lip affectionately. It was something small, but in the past you would’ve just let him go and it would’ve all been done. 

“Did you ever think about…being like this with me before?” He asked and you nodded.

“Of course. It just wouldn’t have been fair for either of us to give in. It feels so good to just…hold you.” You breathed out in relief and he smiled and kissed your lips quickly. 

“Yeah angel, it does.” He agreed as he smiled down at you.  

After a few more minutes of being cuddled up together, you felt more yourself again so you assured him that you could get up now so that you guys could get cleaned off and dressed again. He was helping you get your comforter and sheets off so you could switch them out. You watched him check your mattress really quick to ensure you hadn’t soiled it when you came so hard so many times. It was sweet and so endearing of him, it made you feel all soft for him and you weren’t ready for this to be over.

“D-do you want to stay?” You asked him timidly and his face lit up as he smiled and nodded.

“Wait.” He smirked, “Not gonna make me stay on my side of the bed, are you?” He questioned playfully and you laughed as you shook your head.

“I don’t think we need to have sides since I’m not sharing you with anyone else anymore.” You replied with a small grin.

“That’s…very fair.” He chuckled bashfully and you giggled.

“I’m just teasing.” You assured.

“I know, angel.” He smiled. 

“Do you wanna have a shower?” You asked and he nodded. You quickly changed your sheets and comforter before heading towards the shower. “We can share, just make sure you don’t get my hair wet.” You warned as you pulled him along.

You were soon nice and clean, the both of you shivering as you pleaded with him to go close the window once and for all. It wasn’t hard to persuade him, all it was was a flash of your boobs to have him dashing across your bedroom to shut the window and keep out the cold. You quickly got dried and dressed before you cuddled up into the bed. You were both shivering as you adjusted to the temperature. You kissed his chin, cheeks, and lips a few times. His arm was draped over your waist, fingers barely grazing over your lower back. There was something on your mind that you really just wanted to clarify with him. “H, so…earlier when you said you wanted the opportunity to…be more for me?” You trailed off and he nodded, “Did you mean that?” You asked and he nodded.

“I do. I want that with you.” He confirmed. “Do you want that with me too?” He asked and you nodded.

“Yeah, I really do. I just umm…I have a doubt.” You explained and he frowned a bit.

“Look, I-I hope you know that…what we had, that’s not something I’ve done before.” He said and then he frowned a little bit, “Actually, I have cheated before…but it was just a drunken kiss with a random person on a night out and I came clean right away.” He rambled, “I felt awful about it. Still do! But I wouldn’t ever cheat on you. It’s not like a compulsion or anything like that, where I can’t control myself.” He continued rambling nervously. When you grabbed his face he blinked a few times and went silent.

“Hey, I trust you.” You said softly and his nervous gaze softened, “I made a choice too with you. What we had was not just your fault; sure you initiated but I didn’t turn you away. And while it was wrong, I mean, I can’t say it was a mistake because, honestly to me, being with you has never felt like a mistake.” You elaborated your point of view and he smiled upon hearing you say this to him.

“Do you…regret it?”

“Not really. I still find value in what we had before…I learned a lot about myself and what I’m capable of. I mean, I have also had a drunken kiss with a friend while dating someone else but I never really thought of that incident as cheating, I got carried away, you know? It wasn’t anything premeditated or that I thought of or even considered doing sober, so it was just opportunistic. I came clean the very next morning when I saw my partner and he didn’t think of it as cheating either. He actually…laughed in my face at that.” You recalled with a smile and he chuckled. “I guess my point is that, we’re all capable of less than savory things, but what matters is how we come out of it. And I think that what we did…it helped us to learn to trust each other in a way that we might not trust most people in our lives.”

“Yeah, that’s true.”

“Do you…feel regret for what we did?” You asked him.

“I think I did at some point, especially after your aunt’s birthday. I just saw how insecure I had made my ex feel, you know? But hearing you say that you don’t has changed my answer. I only regretted the fact that the situation was hurting everyone involved. Not the sex or the things we shared and the friendship and trust we strengthened through those times. I’m quite glad we had that with each other. But the fact that I wasn’t really treating either of you fairly or myself is my biggest regret.” He explained and you nodded in understanding. “Ummm, so if your doubts are not fidelity related what are they about?” He asked.

“Just about the timing of everything. Like, you just ended a relationship and I don’t want you to feel like you need to jump into anything with me right away t-to prove how you feel about me. Like if you need time to be single or something…like, I want you to know that that’s cool with me too.” You explained. Obviously, you wanted to jump in, you���d been waiting for him for so long, but if he wasn’t ready yet, then you’d wait, like you promised him a while ago.

“Well first off, I do want to be in a relationship. So I am ready for it. More than.” He assured you, “I just wasn’t with the right person before, that’s all. And well…I think we’ve both waited long enough for this opportunity to be together and if we both want it, why wait?” He reasoned and you bit your lip to try and suppress your smile. “What?” He chuckled.

“Nothing…I just umm…” you bit your lip and then readjusted yourself so that he was spooning you and then you interlocked your fingers with his. You relaxed almost immediately and let yourself melt into his warmth. “I’ve wanted you to hold me like this for a really long time.” You hummed happily. 

“So have I, angel.” He sighed before kissing the side of your head, “Thank you for waiting for me. You really didn’t have to.” He whispered and you smiled.

“Of course I did! I love you.” You whispered back, “That’s why I waited.” You explained with a smile.

“Oh, I love you so much.” He responded as he squeezed you a little tighter before kissing your head once again. You smiled in his embrace, relaxing more and more as the realization sunk in that this was your life now and you couldn’t have asked for a better outcome than this.

“Hey…” you whispered.

“What is it, baby?”

“You’re gonna keep this mullet thing you have going on for a bit, right?” You asked and he sniggered.

“If you like it that much then yes. I’d keep it for you.” He confirmed through a chuckle.

“Okay, good.” You hummed, “It’s fucking sexy.” You added softly and he grinned.

“You think so?” He chuckled.

“I certainly do.” You assured.

“Enough that if we got married I could have this hair, then?” He asked.

“Oh, for sure…so much so that they’d probably have to have the reception without us.” You said smugly.

“Baby…” Harry groaned, squeezing your hip just a bit and you smiled.

“You still have free reign you know…” you hummed and he hummed as he nuzzled up against your ear.

“You’re in for a long night, angel…” he hummed darkly.

“Do your best, daddy.” You grinned.

-

-

Hope you guys liked it

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[takes1]

p.2 asahi x feral reader w/ a size k!nk

this is gonna get so fucking good ya'll i love thisss!! it's fun writing this sweet guy be a little dirty lmao

warnings. nsfw. minors DNI info. nsfw / build-up to more smut / phone sex / mutual masturbation / blue balls / suggestive conversation / gentle giant!asahi / mutual size kink / sweet asahi / long-mid distance issues / kuroo's sister!reader / kuroo cockblocking / kuroo being protective / 2.3k words / multipart series so reply to be added to taglist! haikyuu collection. more hq here! part one here. more links. my ao3. masterlist. requests open!

Your pencil twirled, tap-tap-tapping against your half-filled page of notes as you searched for the next header to copy for this dreadful, draining history class.

Anything to distract you from the fact that he hadn't called you.

The game was Tuesday- now it was Friday evening, and still, no word from him. Maybe you had something in your teeth when you spoke to him, or you smelled bad, or he just didn't like your hair. You had dedicated hours trying to figure it out.

A phone call was hard evidence he was interested in you. Practically a 'yes' to your fantasies, which had only gotten more unhinged with the hurt of this perceived rejection.

He still remained just a few minutes worth of your real energy on some ordinary day. But God, how you mourned for what could've been. How he would've filled you up, wrecking you with the satisfaction and excitement you yearned for.

buzz buzz. buzz buzz. buzz buzz. buzz buzz.

The sound initially deepened your already lackluster mood, because you learned to be disappointed with every call that wasn't from a Miyagi area code.

You were grateful that your eyes happened to glaze over the screen before you completed the swipe to ignore it.

A piercing scream of delight filled your entire house through a cracked bedroom door.

Tetsuro's unwanted, grating voice across the hall shattered your elevated state of bliss:

"SHUT UP!"

"YOU SHUT UP! I'M ON THE PHONE!"

You took a deep breath on the fifth ring and, shaking off the nerves by standing up out of your swivel chair, you swiped across the screen to answer.

"Hello?"

"Hey, is this (Y/n)?" A deep, rumbly voice made your knees weak.

"Y-es," Your voice cracked, tummy tingly, "Is this- Asahi?"

His name left your lips so well. You fell onto your back on your bed, pressing your thighs together at the sound of his reply.

"Yeah, that's me."

You hadn't heard his voice before, thinking hard about it now, because he didn't say anything to you in person.

"I thought you wouldn't call," You bit your lip in restraint, but kept the tension in your belly, "Why'd you keep me waiting for so long?"

A grumbly sigh on the other end gave you a full-body shiver. You crossed your legs.

"I was nervous," He admitted.

The giant did have a heart, after all. Curious, you smiled and looked up.

Your face fell.

"Get out of my room!" You shouted at Tetsuro, who was lingering in the doorway.

"How long have you been in here?!"

"I'm not in your room," He tested you by putting a foot inside, and didn't answer your question, instead pressing his own, "Who the hell are you talking to?"

It reminded you: A quick 'Hold on' and what you thought was the mute button--

You scrambled across your bed to the doorway to close it, but he dove out of the way and you ended up shutting him in. You flung it open again.

"Get out!!"

The demon-spawn was making for your phone, so you leaped onto his back and weighed him down to the floor instead.

"It better not be--," He grunted with effort as he shoved you off by the face, "Some country-bumpkin prick!"

There was no contact on the screen, so he couldn't be sure who you were talking to even with your phone in his hand.

"Who is this?" He interrogated, his torso leaning on your bed, his knee on your chest to keep you down.

You punched his leg over, over, and over again. He swatted at you while looking at your phone to figure out why nobody was responding to him.

It gave you the opportunity to push him off while his balance was uneven. You slapped your phone out of his hand and it clattered to the floor.

There was a violent hush over the two of you.

Tetsuro rose of his own accord, dodging a slap, and kicked your phone far under your bed with a grumble.

"Like I'm gonna just let that happen."

The door slammed behind him. You skittered up, opened it, then called after him, "Stay out!!"

You made sure to lock and barricade it this time.

When you leaned down to find your phone, it was impossible to reach with your hands or legs from either side of the bed. That asshole had made sure to kick it just far enough to make you get creative.

You had to tie together a ruler and a clothing hanger to retrieve it, then use your foot to leverage it out.

To your relief, the call was still active. But it wasn't muted.

Heart sunk halfway down your ribcage, you asked a grim question, "How much of that did you hear?"

His chuckle lifted your spirits instantly.

Almost as a conditioned response, you glanced to the door. It was still secure.

"I'm so sorry, my brother is the worst." You grumbled, climbing back into your bed with a sore face, hand, and knee.

Asahi's tone was clear and smooth.

"It sounds like he just wants to keep you out of trouble."

Your body jumpstarted again at that word. You wanted all the trouble he had to offer. You couldn't help but giggle, since his response sounded as if he was referring to himself.

"I know how to handle myself," You grinned, "I'm only a year younger than him."

"He's a senior, isn't he?"

"Mhm."

"So you're a second-year."

"Mhmm," You could listen to him talk all day. Your hand rubbed over your prickled chest, savoring his voice against your ear.

"Good. I feel like less of a creep, now."

In his admission you could hear his lips curl into a smile- your covered your mouth and kicked your legs in the air.

"Don't tell me you thought I was a first-year," You teased with false surprise.

"I-," He sighed, a little labored, and something shifted against the receiver, "Knew it was a possibility."

His standards aside, your interest moved to the extra sound on his end of the line. You prayed it was something risque.

"What else do you wanna know about me?" You stretched your legs up and watched your blank ceiling, biting your lip in wait for his response.

The way he towered over you- his frame was perfect for your fantasies. You imagined him leaning over you now, legs draped over his massive shoulders.

"What made you want to give me your number?"

Another shift, a heavy sigh. You couldn't raise the volume any higher, nor could you hold the phone any closer to your ear to try to hear what he was doing.

In the hopes that he was dirtier than he wanted to let on, you smiled at the freedom to paint his imagination.

"Hmm..." You drawled.

An eager hand dipped between your legs, with one last glance to the door, and you palmed yourself through your shorts while you spoke.

"Your serve really did it for me," As you recalled that last hit, you heard him shift again, "I like your look- y'know, the whole samurai vibe--,"

Asahi laughed a little, making you grin.

"-I think it's really hot."

A pause. "Wait- really?"

"Yeah!" You giggled, "You're a good mix of cute and scary, that's a huge turn-on."

"Wow."

Maybe it was a bit forward of you to say, but so was everything else until this point. Your breath stalled, hoping that was a good wow. It felt so quiet for so long. Everything was still on both sides.

You sat up after a few moments, pulse quickening, and you bit your finger to keep from blurting out another stupid claim. It must've been too much- you were just about to hang up when you heard a quiet, different tone through the speaker.

"What are you wearing right now?"

Mouth open, you made sure to click mute before squealing into your pillow-- when you came up, teary-eyed from the pressure and excitement, you had to catch your breath.

Your voice was slightly hoarse when you unmuted yourself and asked, calmly, "Do you want me to lie to you?"

Thrown in a dumbing whirl of arousal, you went to reach for a vibrator, but realized the sound would probably be too much. You opted for your own fingers instead and tried hard to visualize his heavy hand over yours.

"Shit-," He huffed an uneven sigh, "Go for it."

Did he have any idea how sexy he sounded? You hoped he did- you hoped he knew exactly how to touch you, pleasure you, break you, then put you back together.

Your raised, flirty tone didn't match your answer, "Nothing."

The rumble of his laugh guided your hand to swirl small, soft circles around your clit. Your chest rose and fell a little faster, chasing the budding tightness that was finally coming back to you.

"What are you doing right now?" You couldn't help but ask. It was too tempting to wait around for him to tell you.

"Mm, I'm talkin' to you," He evaded. His smirk was audible through the phone.

His slight regional accent was so perfect. To Hell with city boys, you wanted this big, gruff countryside boy.

He laughed at your whine.

"I wish you weren't so far away," His tone lowered to a bare mutter- it was dripping in lust, but he covered it with a thin veil of wariness.

Your fingers felt so good, but his reminder only made you more sensitive to how you could never fulfill the ache deep inside without him right here, in Tokyo.

You could appreciate how he still kept his cards close. You weren't as patient as him- but upon your inevitable frustration that he wasn't as candid as you, the realization that it was the safer outcome dawned on you. If he wasn't so careful, he might hurt you.

Still, you were riding gentle, pleasant waves while you daydreamed through your response.

"How long would a train ride be?"

He didn't have to tell you how pretty you sounded for you to know. The little raise at the end of your sentence, the tiny waiver in your voice, you knew he liked it.

The quiet seethe on his end confirmed this. He told you without having to look it up, "Hour and a half."

Your pussy practically shut down.

"I could do that," You lied. Your brother would explode if he found out you hopped on a bullet train by yourself to go see some Karasuno boy- and he would. He always did.

Another low laugh. It fixed everything. You threw your head back again, fingers in your mouth so your fingers could slide a little better.

"Don't sound so disappointed," He cooed, "Me and the guys are gonna be in town for the weekend- and I was just thinkin'--,"

"Oh my god, yes. Whatever you're about to say, yes."

His distant 'Damn' away from the phone made you blush. You stopped touching yourself, just for the time being.

"There's just one problem."

You waited for the reveal without responding, then realized he wanted you to ask him.

"What?" You giggled at the weird pause.

His laugh was faint through the rest of his point, "Your brother."

You squinted at your ceiling again with a grumpy sigh. He was right. In fact, you were sure he didn't know the extent of how right he was. Your family was on Life360, and he had your location at all times.

If you turned your phone off, or deleted the app, or put it on 'battery saving-mode' he'd know, and it would be more ground to question you on.

It wasn't the tattling that bothered you, it was his nosiness in the first place.

The last time you snuck out to go see a boy further in the city, he followed you and ruined your movie date by kicking the back of his chair for half of the film. He drove you home and grilled you the entire way back.

"Fuck," You sighed, sitting up with a bit of a tummy-ache from your abandoned orgasm, "Yeah."

It sounded like he was moving again, but he was less flirty, and it made you think he maybe put his dick back up to think better.

"He actually called our team captain, Daichi. We were uh, still on the way back from the game. On the bus. And he put it on speaker."

Your jaw dropped again.

"Said he'd- ha-ha, he said he'd castrate anyone who touched you."

An annoyed sound left you.

"Don't tell me you believe that," You laughed pitifully.

Part of you believed it, so you wouldn't blame him if he did. That same days-long disappointment was creeping back.

Asahi considered his answer. He landed on, "I think... ah, I don't know. I think being cautious is smart."

You nodded slowly, but he couldn't see.

"I still wanna see ya," He added.

You grinned, relieved, and a little aroused again at his drawl, "Good."

It still left the obvious problem. You deliberated on what you could do. A glance to the locked door gave you one idea. Another glance to the window elaborated on it.

How could you see him, not leave the house, and have your brother not know at the same time?

Your question was slow as you slid off of your mattress and started to test the reliability of your window frame.

"How good are you at climbing?"

taglist.

thank ya'll for supporting this!!! i love this series it's so fun to write so i'm glad other people do too!! reply to be added to existing list :)

@valiantqueengarden @rinheartshyunlix @alpha-mommy69 @yuyunhoo @insertamazingnamehere @kreishin

masterlist.

requests. (including what you might want to see in the next 2 parts)

#takesone #x reader #haikyu fluff #haikyu x reader #haikyuu #haikyuu asahi #asahi x reader #asahi azumane #haikyuu scenarios #haikyuu imagines #azumane asahi #haikyuu fluff #haikyuu smut #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu smau #haikyuu x you #haikyuu fanfiction #hq x reader #azumane asahi x reader #asahi x reader smut #asahi azumane x reader smut #haikyuu asahi azumane #haiku #asahi smut #asahi azumane smut #size difference #size k!nk #size difference asahi

[moonstruckme]

The other day I fell down the stairs of my building and had to just like. Get back up and go to work and my knees are all fucked up and I’m so sore. Do you think you could write doctor!remus or casual dom Remus when his girl tells him about it hours later? Or whatever you think is best story wise lol.

Don’t worry about it if not, your writing is literally my absolute favourite right now, you are so amazing!! -angie

Hi Angie, thank you for requesting <3

cw: blood

doctor!Remus x fem!reader ♡ 666 words (oooo)

When the car stops, Remus won’t let you get out on your own, which is embarrassing even though there’s no one but him around to witness it. Remus is overall in a horribly embarrassing mood. 

Though you tried to hide it, you’d noticed him noticing the stiffness in your legs as you walked out to his car after work, and before you’d had a chance Remus had reached over and buckled your seatbelt himself. The whole drive home he’d been spooky silent, occasionally shooting narrow-eyed looks to the blood stains on your work pants. 

“I’m okay,” you try to reason with him now, when he sets his hands on your hips to take some of your weight. “I’ve been walking all day, baby.” 

“I know, that’s worse.” Your boyfriend is huffy. He seems to be contemplating fully picking you up and carrying you inside. 

You press your lips together while he supports you the rest of the way to the door, holding you firmly to his side when he needs one hand to unlock it. The two of you go straight to the bathroom, where the dress you were originally going to wear to work today still lies on the floor. Remus frowns but doesn’t comment. 

When you’d taken a tumble on the concrete stairs outside your apartment this morning, you’d been running too late to be concerned with anything but looking presentable and getting to work. Your dress left your bloody knees exposed and made you feel like a child fallen from their bike, so you’d screwed up your mouth and forced a pair of work pants on over the burning cuts, then changed into an appropriate top to match. Your knees have been alternately stinging and aching all day, and when walking back home from work seemed too much you’d called your boyfriend for a ride. He seems determined to make you regret it. 

“Sorry,” you murmur after he lifts you onto the counter. 

Remus looks at you. “What for?” The question isn’t patronizing or a test. He wants to know. 

“For not telling you.” 

He sighs softly, looking down to fiddle with the button of your pants. You trace the cruel line of a scar from his forehead down to his cheek. 

“I wouldn’t mind so much if you’d taken the time to clean them properly,” he says. “But if you were in my place—lift your hips for me, love—and I called you to say I couldn’t get home by myself because I’ve been hurting all day and not done anything about it, wouldn’t you be a bit distraught?”

“I would,” you admit. You suck in a quiet breath when he starts pulling your pants down over your knees. 

“Sorry,” he says, unsticking the fabric from your ruined skin as gently as he can. They slide the rest of the way down far easier, and Remus kisses his teeth when your knees are revealed. “Dovey.” He sounds equal parts pitying and disappointed. 

“Sorry.” 

“Let’s stop trading apologies.” There’s the barest hint of humor in your boyfriend’s tone as he finishes tugging your pants off your ankles, letting them puddle on the floor and leaving you in your underwear. The countertop is cold on your bare skin. Remus wraps a hand around your thigh, careful of your knees as he leans forward to give you a kiss. “I’m not going to ask you not to do it again—although I hope you won’t—because I know you, but I get that you’re sorry, sweetheart.” His thumb swipes over the unbroken skin above your knee, lips turning down unhappily. “I’m sorry you hurt yourself, and that you’ve been in pain. I promise to try and lecture you about it as little as possible, okay?” 

You can’t help but smile, your voice coming out wry. “Thanks.” 

“You’re welcome, dove.” He gives your hip a condescending little pat. “You can make it up to me by sitting still while I take care of these and tell you about infection.” 

#doctor!remus lupin #doctor!remus x reader #remus lupin au #remus lupin #remus lupin x reader #remus lupin x fem!reader #remus lupin x y/n #remus lupin x you #remus lupin x self insert #remus lupin fanfiction #remus lupin fanfic #remus lupin fic #remus lupin fluff #remus lupin hurt/comfort #remus lupin imagine #remus lupin scenario #remus lupin drabble #remus lupin blurb #remus lupin one shot #remus lupin oneshot #marauders #marauders fanfiction #marauders fandom #the marauders #hp marauders #marauders au #marauders x reader

[fromxxthexxashes]

The only time we see Tummy have an appealing personality is 7x04, an episode confirmed to be from Buck’s point of view. The episode repeatedly highlights Eddie and T’s similarities, and starts and ends with Buck confused about who his jealousy is really for (it’s been said a million times at this point, but Buck saying “I *guess* so” is really indicative that Buck is still not sure of his true feelings). Buck projected his feelings for Eddie onto T, and along with that he projected Eddie’s personality onto him.

It’s a lot easier to acknowledge he has feelings for another guy if that guy is some random dude he met 5 seconds ago, than to admit he has feelings for his best friend who happens to be in a relationship, and who he assumes is straight. So T came over, they kissed, and T essentially gave Buck the easy out; the easy explanation for his jealousy. Once again, it was easier to think “oh, I had a crush on this guy, I guess that’s why I was jealous” instead of “oh, I was jealous because I have feelings for my best friend and work partner of 6 years with whom I kind of co-parent a child.”

He just figured out that he likes men - that he’s bisexual. That on its own is a whole new aspect of his personality that he needs to explore and think about, a thing he deserves to explore on his own terms, separate from any one person. Adding uncovered feelings for his best friend would make that a little bit more complicated for him. He’s just figuring himself out, he doesn’t quite have room yet to think about just how big his feelings for Eddie are. And that’s okay, but that doesn’t mean that those feeling aren’t there, or that that they haven’t been there for a while.

Now, what’s interesting about the Eddie and T comparisons, is that now that we’re out of Buck’s pov, we’ve repeatedly been shown how different Eddie and T are, specifically in how they treat and act around Buck.

For example, Buck’s not ready to come out, so T leaves Buck alone and uncertain of their relationship. Meanwhile, Buck comes out to Eddie, and Eddie leaves Buck with the certainty that their relationship is and always will be intact. Buck asks T to dress up for Chim’s bachelor party, and T doesn’t make an effort and dismisses Buck’s disappointment. Meanwhile, Eddie is the one to suggest they wear a matching costumes, and Eddie is the one that stays when everyone else leaves. Buck gets a medal and the camera pans to Eddie smiling at him. Later on, Buck gushes about his medal, and T says “enjoy it while it lasts”. 7x04 was about comparing Eddie and T, because that episode is from Buck’s point of view, and that’s what he was doing. Every episode after has been contrasting Eddie and T to some degree, and the screen time of Buddie vs. BuckT*mmy is incredibly indicative of which relationship is more important to Buck and to the narrative.

#Buddie #evan buck buckley #evan buckley #eddie diaz #anti bucktommy #anti tommy kinard

[lisbeth-kk]

May Prompts (25) Intuition

The Luckiest Girl in the World (chapter 25)

Summary: Rosie's protective foursome are visiting her in Paris, Mycroft shows off his poshness, and they all meet Timothy and his parents at a well-chosen location.

Twenty-Five Years Old

The years in Paris went by too fast, and suddenly I had turned twenty-five and was graduating from uni. Sadly, both mine and Timothy’s graduation ceremonies were on the same evening, but we all had plans to meet the next day. I’ll admit that I had mixed emotions about that. My parents and uncles were to meet Timothy and his parents, and I couldn’t help thinking of all the different directions that meeting could go.

“It’ll be fine, love,” Timothy assured me. “Mum and Dad are over the moon to meet your celeb family, and I’m sure The Fab Four will behave for a few hours.”

“Ha! My intuition tells me otherwise. I wouldn’t put it past Papa to give some snarky remarks if he’s annoyed with your mother’s lipstick or your dad’s shoelaces,” I sighed.

“You know John won’t allow that, Ro,” Timothy laughed. “And your uncles are less inclined to cause any damage, I think. Relax.”

***

I had only met the Browns once before. Marie was a secondary school teacher, loved the royal family passionately, royals in general actually, and she was also a decent tennis player. Daniel was a business solicitor, loved his singing, and was quite a wine connoisseur.

“They’re both perfect conversation partners for Mycroft,” Papa informed me after I’d met them. He can share gossip from the palace with her and show off his wine cellar to Brown senior.”

Dad tried to shush him, but his efforts were nonsensical, and I was inclined to agree. 

***

Whenever uncle Myc visited Paris, he stayed at the Four Seasons Hotel George V, and for my graduation dinner, we ate at one of the hotel’s restaurants, Le Cinq. His Poshness, as Papa called him, moved through the restaurant after the maître d’ like he owned the place. Uncle’s three-piece suit had never been more appropriate. The rest of us were dressed up as well. Papa even wore a tie, which I hadn’t seen on him since my uncles’ wedding. 

The food was arranged like tiny artworks, and I felt like a vandal ruining them with the cutlery. Once the first bite reached my taste buds however, all regrets were forgotten. Each dish surpassed the other visually, and with different textures and surprising combinations of flavours. Every wine was perfectly matched with the food, and even uncle Greg, who was more of a beer lover, admitted that it was quite good, which earned him an exasperated sigh from his husband.

“How’s the job search going?” Dad asked after the third course was devoured.

“I’m expecting a few answers over the next weeks. Hopefully, something turns up,” I said.

I actually had high hopes, having already been summoned to an interview when I was returning to London the following week. Papa gave me a thoughtful look and shifted his gaze towards his brother who lifted an eyebrow just the tiniest bit, which made me sigh and swallow my remark with some excellent chardonnay.

***

To Marie’s delight, we were meeting at Versailles the next day. Neither of us wanted to take the guided tour but preferred to walk in the gigantic garden. 

“Much easier to escape if the conversation gets tedious,” Papa teased.

“Brother mine,” uncle Myc warned, more out of habit than an actual rebuke.

We had agreed to meet on the balustrade where it would be easier to spot each other. I could see that Marie was fidgety and excited, while Daniel seemed quite composed.

“Better at hiding it,” Dad remarked, which earned him an incredulous look from me and a fond chuckle from Papa.

“Is this mind reading business contagious?” I sighed and walked towards Timothy and his parents.

***

“The Fab Four are behaving,” Timothy stated. “A bit disappointing really.”

“Try refreshing,” I retorted dryly.

“Do you think Sherlock would mind if I asked him to deduce some of the people here?” Marie asked in a hushed voice, which Papa had no problem hearing.

“I don’t mind at all, Marie,” Papa interrupted with a bow. “Anyone in particular?”

And with that, Marie and Papa stuck their heads together to conspire. Daniel and Timothy looked amused, while the rest of us rolled our eyes, though I must admit it was the perfect ice breaker, and I was relieved that my intuition about Papa’s behaviour had been wrong.

Also available on AO3

@calaisreno @totallysilvergirl @keirgreeneyes @helloliriels @raina-at

More tags in the replies

#may prompts 2024 #may 25: intuition #sherlock fandom #rosie watson #sherlock #john watson #mycroft holmes #johnlock #bbc sherlock #sherlock fanfic #ao3 fanfic

[cenorii]

RE headcanons again!

PART 2

This time I will add what animals I associate them with. Again I'll write a lot about some and just a little about others to supplement the last part.

Sherry Birkin

— It's hard to say what her favorite color is. She probably doesn't prefer any particular color, she likes dim palettes.

— I'm inclined to think that Sherry could have been Wesker's goddaughter. Birkins could have introduced him to her, and since Wesker has known William since childhood, he trusts him.

— She obviously attended NEST because Annette gave her a G-related pendant. Sherry probably had some instructions for emergency situations in which to use it, but kept it a secret. Chief Irons knew about the secret of the pendant, probably from William himself, because he was bribing Irons. And Wesker also knew about the pendant, it's in his first report.

— I recently rewatched all the clips of Sherry in re6 and noticed how reluctant she is to talk about Wesker every time the topic comes up. She never says anything bad about him, avoiding talking about him. I think that as a child, Wesker treated her well or seemed like a good person, but when she found out who he really was, she was deeply disappointed. She cherishes fond memories of this man, but keeps it a secret, because she will surely be convicted.

— Sherry calls Jake "Jake Wesker" instead of "Muller," even though she knows Wesker had nothing to do with his upbringing. Did she downplay the significance of Jake's mom? No, I would look at it this way. This is further proof that "Wesker" is not a negative word to her. She secretly treats him better than others treat him, so she called Jake by his last name with pride.

— In that moment when the runaway Jake and Sherry were changing clothes, they had a conflict. But I think Sherry was angry not only because Jake's words hurt the memory of her father, but also because they hurt the memory of Jake's father.

— Sherry was in government custody from 1998 to 2009. She was in custody mainly because of Wesker (file "A Deal with the United States" from re6). The government believed that Wesker needed a sample of the G-virus, but it was obvious that he had already gotten it through his own means. Perhaps this is a hint that there is some sort of connection between them after all. He could be her godfather who would want to return what was connected to him, or he wants to using her as research into how viruses are able to enter into symbiosis with humans. Sherry mattered to him in some way, and everyone knew it, including Sherry herself.

— I think she's in love with Jake, but because of little contact with other people and the outside world, is too shy to admit it.

— She has a deep respect for Chris and Claire, and considers the latter as close as if she were her second mother.

— The animal in which I see Sherry is a weasel.

Chris Redfield

— I think his eyes are gray. Gray eyes in real life can appear a different color depending on the lighting. In different photos with different lighting, they can turn brown, blue, even green. So I like to think that the confusion about Chris's eye color came about because of his gray eyes, which are just unlucky.

— For some reason, Chris doesn't like to show his young photos. Perhaps he is embarrassed by the fact that he used to be thinner and "weaker". Perhaps it makes him feel insecure. Or maybe he doesn't like his rebellious nature from the past.

— He's a golden retriever puppy.

Ada Wong

— Ada doesn't use perfume while she's on a mission so she doesn't reveal herself.

— She is black cat.

Wesker

— He hates ties. Maybe he was forced to wear them at some point.

— Wesker gives a fake name in non-serious situations like tailoring or meeting with the hairdresser so people won't be embarrassed or try to suck up to him. His name is more influential than himself, and it's a thing he doesn't like to abuse.

— Perhaps one day he wondered if he should have glasses with an interface.

— His totem animal is a possum. He's so good at playing dead.

— There is a stereotypical opinion of him based only on the outward image he builds for others. Few people delve into the lore or what is behind his fake "cool" image. So many people are susceptible to the halo effect, this is a cognitive bias where a person has a prejudice against someone based on their appearance or certain actions. People subject to this cognitive bias do not look at this person with a broad view, slipping into prejudice. This is why many are convinced that Wesker can't be bottom, and aggressively lash out at those who think otherwise. I, on the other hand, believe that Wesker is flexible in this regard, which is maximally not obvious. Wesker to me is "that" character from the teen shows, who builds himself up to be cool, but at night cries from loneliness or is very vulnerable. He's bottom, but that doesn't degrade his ego, it doesn't make him weak, because "bottom" he's only with those who "worthy" of him.

— Speaking of worthiness, I believe that Wesker is unwilling to use his powers all the time by thinking of other people as unworthy. Only Chris is worthy to stand up to that power.

— Wesker keeps Chris's dog tag.

Jill Valentine

— Jill's favorite color is sky blue, as it was the color she chose for her uniform in S.T.A.R.S. and continued to wear throughout her life. Every outfit Jill wore on any mission had shades of blue in it. It is definitely a color that she appreciates very much.

— Jill is definitely not the best cook, she can hardly cook anything better than scrambled eggs. She share this skill with Chris, who isn't very good in the kitchen either.

— Chris is her best and closest friend, her partner. They mean a lot to each other, but it's always platonic.

— Jill's orientation is bi. She probably liked Carlos, but I won't deny that there could have been a close dynamic between her and some woman too. Jill, like Chris, doesn't have much time for a personal life, so she didn't go into much detail about her preferences, nor did she have an love affair.

— She didn't like Wesker even before the betrayal. Maybe she realized before anyone else that there was something wrong with the guy, so she figured out his betrayal before Chris did, who resisted the information. She is perceptive and able to see through people.

— Her totem animal is a manul.

— In the days of S.T.A.R.S., she was the one who woke Chris, sleeping at his desk, just before Wesker or Chief Irons came in. She would cover her lazy (in those days) friend from trouble, getting the brightest and most genuine smile from him. Wesker knew of their machinations, but turned a blind eye to this childishness.

— She tries not to think of the time she spent under Wesker's control. Her dislike for him has only gotten stronger because of it. Of the horrible things about those years was not only violence, but also being with Wesker and Excella. Excella's flirting with Wesker was repulsive to Jill. She hated every moment of it.

— After 2009 her hair was permanently white, because of this she dyes it back to its original brown color so that nothing reminds her of those days.

#resident evil #rebhfun #chris redfield #albert wesker #jill valentine #sherry birkin #resident evil headcanons #ada wong

[nqmonarch]

This is more of a personal piece, but I'm deciding to publish it on the off chance anyone else has similar thoughts and a similar experience to mine and if it may help them. I think even if you already know something it can be helpful to hear it again from someone else.

What's in the CWs doesn't happen between the reader and character but is rather discussed as something that happened in the past.

That being said this gets into some really sensitive stuff so if you don't feel comfortable with the Content Warnings (CWs) then please don't read.

TW and CW: Grooming

"I've always been a fool," You admitted the sun had long since set and the stars were nowhere to be found.

Jing Yuan was on the quieter side tonight, his arm comfortingly wrapped around your body as you leaned into him. At least you weren't alone. With your head pressed against his chest, silk shirt so thin you could feel the heat radiating off him, you finally felt somewhat at peace. At least physically, but your mind was at war with itself.

"We all have moments of foolishness," His voice was soft and wistful. A far cry from the general who commanded respect, he'd changed into the vulnerable old soul he was who had been hurt time and time again.

You frowned feeling your throat crack as you held back tears, your face felt like it was on fire. You'd come to hate that feeling, even if the warmth in your face was from getting flustered you still hated it-- hated it all. From the shivers you got from eye contact to the butterflies in your stomach that made you feel like you were going to be sick. It was atrocious.

Even now when you were with someone you could only dream of it you hated the feeling of being in love. "It was a moment, it was close to two years. At that point it's just plain stupidity isn't it?"

You didn't want to meet his eyes, you didn't want to see how he was looking at you. Was it pity? He knew what you'd gone through. Disappointment? Was he upset that the person he'd begun to date had failed to meet his every expectation once he got into a relationship? Or maybe it was adoration or hatred? You weren't sure which of those two would be worse.

"Y/N," Jing Yuan's voice was so soft, it was too kind, you didn't deserve to hear it, "It wasn't your fault." His hand moved up from your shoulder, moving atop your head his thumb making soothing circular motions.

You let out a noise similar to that of when a cat's when their tail is stepped on, "I know," you groaned out feeling miserable. Your eyes began to blur as tears gathered but you didn't let them fall. "But... I-- I always thought it was my fault. Even after it all I was still friends with them. I-- they were one of the few people I trusted. How could I do that to myself?"

Jing Yuan moved to meet your eyes. Rather than moving your chin or head, he scooted over so he was sitting in front of you. His golden eyes were the last thing some mara struck saw, in a strange way you hoped they would be the last thing you saw too. You wanted to be with him until you couldn't anymore. But how could you when you couldn't accept him loving you?

"Fool," It was something you wouldn't have expected Jing Yuan calling you. You'd called yourself it earlier in such a derogatory manner that hearing Jing Yuan say it with such affection gave you whiplash and you couldn't help but begin to sob.

Loud, ugly sobs that left your face a horrid red and hurt your throat. You cried tears which felt like hot acid burning you and left you scarred. "Go ahead," his voice was comforting, "cry it all out." His hands rested on your shoulders, keeping you steady. He was an anchor, not just for you but for the whole Xianzhou Luofu. You didn't deserve--

His fingers tapped on your forehead and you stared at him blinking the tears out of your eyes, "Don't overthink it. It doesn't matter if you were a guy and they were a girl, or vice versa, or if you were both the same gender. It doesn't matter how long it lasted or what they were going through."

You were ready to retort with the last one, they weren't in the right state of mind it wasn't their fault, "But--"

"No justifying it," Jing Yuan said sternly tapping your forehead, "If someone did something similar to Yanqing how would you feel?"

Horror echoed through your body, resounding and amplifying as it traveled from your limbs which all tensed up to your face which began to tremble. Yanqing was like a son to you, a very foolish one, but a son nonetheless. One who always tried to show off and ran to you the very few times he upset Jing Yuan, although the only sign Jing Yuan was upset was the slight disappointment and much larger worry in his eyes.

"I'd be outraged," You muttered, sniffling a bit and Jing Yuan used his free hand to wipe off your cheek. The streams of your tears were beginning to sink deep into your skin and stain, but he removed them like it was nothing.

He smiled at you, it wasn't lazy nor mischievous, instead it was full of comfort, "You were, and still are, a wonderful person. One who maybe cares too much for their own good." that was rich coming from the person who stayed strong amidst what had happened to his friends and taken up the role of leadership.

Jing Yuan tapped your forehead again as he noticed your attention beginning to wander. "You, were unfortunately taken advantage of, and it's not your fault. No matter what you say to justify the other person's actions. They still committed those actions. And you were young and impressionable, and at the age they were, they knew better than to do what they did. But they did it anyway," He paused looking out at the sky. Your gaze didn't follow his, instead it remained on his forlorn face.

Jing Yuan continued, "You and I are very different people," that was obvious to say the least, "and even still we both try to grab onto the past. At points, even looking for things that aren't there." Jing Yuan had been guilty of it with his past friends, and you made up countless excuses to say that everything that had happened was okay. But it wasn't. And you weren't okay.

Your eyes remained puffy and your hands dug into Jing Yuan's shoulder, clutching tightly as if you were afraid he'd disappear the moment you let go, but not tightly enough to hurt. Never tightly enough to hurt. The man in front of you was someone you'd only dreamed of being with. And yet when he was with you, you couldn't accept it.

"I'm scared," You whispered. You weren't sure exactly of what. You wouldn't let what happened in the past happen again, you wouldn't let yourself be lead around by a string willful to the whims of someone who you'd been taught to idolize. But you were fucking afraid. How could you ever trust anyone again after such a horrific ordeal that imprinted itself in your mind to the point it plagued your thoughts at night?

Jing Yuan looked back at you, hair resting elegantly alongside his face and you resisted the urge to dive into it, hide your face, and just disappear altogether. "I am as well, albeit for different reasons," He moved his hand onto your hand which was clutching his shoulder, "but we can't let fear hold us back forever." You had to move forward, both of you. It was the only way. The only way to feel like yourself again.

It would surely be difficult, and painful in some aspects. But right now you lived torn between the past and the present. Mind brutally split apart, never fully there. You had to keep trying. "I'm so lucky to have you." Your voice was hoarse and each word hurt to say.

Jing Yuan's eyebrows raised in slightly surprise, and shook his head lightly, "No, both of us are lucky that fate had us meet."

"Do you really believe in fate?" You asked, staring up at the sky.

In the corner of your eye you could see Jing Yuan smile, his usual carefree one, and let out a hum, "Maybe. If fate were to exist, do you think our actions would carry less weight?"

"They're still our actions," You answered nondescriptly. Then, suddenly, you saw a singular star in the sky.

You would continue to try, if only for the star and Jing Yuan. And of course you'd continue to try for yourself. How could you not after all you'd been through?

Jing Yuan is a very large comfort character for me. Uh idk how exactly it happened he just looks really fluffy and comforting. But yeah, this whole incident has been on my mind for a while and it's like super distracting like I'm trying to be a productive member of society and then BAM lol. Or like I'm trying to just be happy and then something super small triggers me.

So uh I decided to try writing a lil comfort fic with our man, the legend himself Jing Yuan. In which I basically state what I know (Jing Yuan) vs how I feel which is the reader's thought process kinda. And then whenever I feel like shit I'ma come back to this and use it as an anchor when bad thoughts grab a hold of me.

Wasn't sure if I was gonna publish this but here I am and uh if this ends up bringing comfort to anyone else, really happy to hear that and I hope it can become your anchor too :) we all need a Jing Yuan in our lives both to comfort and be comforted by and just uh to be with

Anyway I yapped a lot at the end sorry, gonna go cry now. Hope you guys have a great day or night :)

#tw grooming #hsr #reader insert #gn reader #hsr x reader #jing yuan #jing yuan x reader

[tenebraevesper]

Sonadow Moments in Sonic Cyber Revolution (The Team Dark Arc)

[...]

''Take that!'' Sonic went for a kick, with Shadow blocking his attack with his arm.

Smirking, he grabbed Sonic's leg and swung him around before throwing him away, only for Sonic to do a backflip and safely land on his feet, his gloves scraping the ground as he braced himself. Shadow rushed towards him, but he was ready, using what appeared to be a breakdancing move to kick Shadow off his feet, then quickly pinned him down by his arms to make sure he wasn't getting up. Both hedgehogs were breathing heavily, still feeling the adrenaline surging from their fight, but also knowing that the fatigue would be kicking in soon. Sonic smirked as he looked down at Shadow, gazing into his red eyes.

''Looks like I win this time,'' he said smugly, with Shadow furrowing a brow as he stared back, clearly not pleased by his loss. Sonic chuckled lightly, getting up and extending his hand to Shadow. The dark hedgehog accepted it, getting up. ''You know, I think I'm getting much better at this 'being cornered in an area where I cannot use my speed' type of combat. Don't you think the same, Shads?''

Shadow, knowing very well that Sonic was just fishing from a compliment, folded his arms across his chest. ''The student is only as good as their teacher.''

Sonic's happy gaze turned into a half-lidded stare with a sweatdrop forming. ''Eh, is that supposed to be a compliment or an insult?''

''Interpret it however you want,'' Shadow replied, walking up to the tree below which they had placed their bento boxes. Sonic just stared at him, before grinning.

''It's a compliment then!'' he said proudly. Both sat down under the tree, opening the bento boxes, with Sonic staring hungrily at his. He had to admit that hard training made him really hungry, even though he was a bit disappointed it wasn't his favorite food. Although, he had heard enough of Lucas nagging him to eat other stuff rather than just chili dogs, and he figured that a cheap bento box would be enough. He glanced at Shadow, who already opened his and was eating it in silence. ''Hope you like the lunch!''

''It is fine,'' Shadow replied without a beat, placing another batch of rice in his mouth. Sonic didn't appear to be too bothered by that response and just decided to dig in. Things were pretty silent for most of the time, with Shadow reaching out for the red and black bottle next to him. He was about to drink it when he felt weight on his shoulder, his eyes darting o the side as a frown formed on his expression.

Sonic smushed his face against Shadow's shoulder, looking at the bottle curiously. ''What are you drinking?''

Shadow, a bit irked by the sudden invasion of his private space, replied, ''It's just normal water.''

''Oh, I see.'' Sonic suddenly backed away, realizing that he got a bit too close, but didn't completely back away. ''I thought you would be drinking coffee.''

Shadow's expression remained unchanging, even though he had to admit that he was a bit amused by Sonic's assumption, ''I mainly drink coffee in the morning, and it would be a bad idea to drink it after a training session. Not to mention, I don't trust you to take it, even if accidentally, because the last thing you need is caffeine.''

Sonic paused, then chuckled. ''Yeah, you're right. I'm already full of energy, so I don't need that.''

Shadow just sighed in response, noting that, while Sonic is more than capable with keeping up with him, be it in combat or speed, he had to wonder whether he could match Sonic's infinite energy. Unlike Sonic, who was a social butterfly, ready to strike up a conversations with strangers and turn them into his friends, while Shadow grew tired and weary of just standing in a crowd, not wanting to talk more than necessary, even if it were his own teammates. He did come to acknowledge them as his friends, but that didn't mean that he was going to spend time with them in a way not related to whatever task he was asked to perform.

So, how did he end up spending so much time with Sonic, even engaging in small talk?

Shadow closed his eyes, folding his arms across his chest as he remembered how all of this had started. Sonic came several days ago to the Kageura residence, reminding Shadow of how he wanted to learn how to fight in a situation where he couldn't use his superspeed, and Shadow agreed easily. After all, it was just training to improve Sonic's combat skills, who was a quick learner and developed his own way of fighting. Once the training was done, Shadow would try to leave, but was stopped by Sonic, who would either keep him talking by asking him about specific techniques or even invite him for lunch. Shadow would get caught up in those conversations as Sonic seemed to have an infinite amount of questions and he was patient enough to answer all of them, only to realize that their conversation would slowly steer towards something more mundane, like the weather. As for the invitation for lunch, Shadow considered it a payment for the training sessions, something Sonic didn't disagree with. Since Shadow wasn't too fond off the idea of constantly eating chilli dogs, Sonic offered to buy them bento boxes at the local grocery store instead.

As a matter of fact, Shadow had noticed that Sonic wanted to spend more and more time with him, clearly happy to just be in his company, even if they were sitting in complete silence. Actually, Shadow was quite surprised that Sonic was able to keep silent for so long, but he wasn't going to complain. He would usually just lean back and just take everything in, completely relaxing. Shadow, on the other hand, had a hard time relaxing, his mind always filled by some kind of worry.

A life filled with peace is impossible for me. Shadow sighed, only to hear Sonic sigh as well.

''I should've bought another bento box,'' Sonic muttered, looking at the empty container, clearly still hungry. He rose an eyebrow when a half-eaten container was shoved under his nose, realizing that Shadow was giving it to him. ''But, aren't you hungry?''

''I'll be fine,'' Shadow replied. However, instead of just taking it, Sonic just scooted closer and placed the container over their legs.

''Well, we can share,'' he said, happily eating his part of the lunch and leaving enough for Shadow. The dark hedgehog was a bit surprised by this solution, as well as how physically close Sonic got to him, he just accepted it as a thing Sonic would do. ''You know, Knux told me that he and Lily decided to hire the Chaotix to keep an eye out for Rouge.''

''They did?'' Shadow knew about Rouge's disappearance, but this was news to him.

''Yeah. Knux did tell me that, while he is worried that Rouge might be up to something, he pointed out how she would've antagonized him already in some way,'' Sonic replied.

''Even if the Chaotix are the greatest detectives on Earth, I doubt they'll find Rouge if she doesn't want to be found,'' Shadow replied. ''But, I suppose it is a bit suspicious that she had been gone for days.''

''I just hope that nothing bad had happened to her,'' Sonic said, with Shadow giving him a curious look, only to be surprised by Sonic's following question, ''Hey, what would you do if I just disappeared one day without a trace?''

Shadow took a moment to think about it, as this was a very sudden and unexpected question. ''Considering how you're my teammate and friend, I believe that the obvious answer would be to immediately search for you…'' Shadow trailed off when he saw Sonic smirking at him. He narrowed his eyes, staring back in annoyance. ''Why are you looking at me like that?''

''Heh, you just called me your friend,'' Sonic replied, only to lean closer. ''So, do you see me like your best friend or rival-turned-friend or second best friend, considering how there is also Touka, or…''

''It is rival, teammate, friend… In that order,'' Shadow replied in a somewhat matter-of-fact tone, folding his arms across his chest. He didn't know why he was feeling so weird. He didn't really feel uncomfortable or anything, nor did he feel annoyed enough to punch Sonic for breaching his space, but he certainly felt weird. ''Why are you even asking me that?''

''I'm just happy to see you open up like this, even if you still act grumpy about it,'' Sonic replied, a wide smile on his lips. ''It's been a long time since what happened at Codex. Or, at least it feels like it has been a long time.'' Shadow lowered his head in thought, having to agree with Sonic. Even if his mind at times wandered back to the events at Codex, it always felt as if that event occurred years ago, not weeks. ''You know, I would definitely search the entire Earth and space, and even other dimensions, if you ever disappeared.''

''I'm pretty sure that you'd do the same for any of your other friends,'' Shadow replied, his eye-lids lowering as he looked back at Sonic, who just scratched his cheek.

''Yeah, true, but now you also have a confirmation of what I'd do in such situation,'' Sonic replied. He then placed the almost empty container on the grass as he leaned back against the tree, placing his hands behind his head, taking a deep breath and closed his eyes.

Shadow couldn't help but smile a little at how predictable Sonic was. In one moment, he could have a very deep and meaningful conversation, and in the next, he acted like nothing happened and took a nap.

That's so typical of you, Sonic.

xXx

It was late in the night at the Kageura household, with both Touka and Kisaki being deeply asleep. Shadow was lying on the bed next to Touka, staring at the ceiling of their attic room. He had been awake for a while now, his mind once again filled with thoughts that didn't let him sleep. Admittedly, he could handle a sleepless night, having been trained to work under extreme pressure, but looking back at things, he wondered just how necessary it was. He was leading a relatively peaceful life, with his only worries being The Eggman Empire, something that was a problem the entirety of Team Neos was dealing with, and Mephiles and Toshiro, who haven't showed up in a while. He knew that most of Team Neos was back to their daily life, not really worrying about what Dr. Eggman might be up to, as they were certain that they could handle anything he throws at them.

At this point, I'm the only one who is concered about this stuff. Maybe I should follow their example and not put too much thought into it… No… I don't think that will ever be possible. He turned to his side, his eye-lids lowering as a familiar face appeared in his mind, followed by that weird feeling. To live life freely… I'm not like you Sonic.

Shadow took a deep breath, trying to relax and finally drift off to sleep. But then, he heard it. A creak.

Follow your instincts.

[...]

Sonic tapped with his foot impatiently at the usual meeting spot. He tapped on his AR Visor, which showed him a holographic screen of the time. It was only a couple of minutes past his agreed time to meet up with Shadow for their training session, but Shadow was late. Except, Shadow was never late. Sonic knew that, if there was an agreed time, Shadow would be already there, waiting for him.

''So much for The Fastest Thing Alive arriving on time for a meeting.''

''Hey, only because I'm fast doesn't mean that I can't be late for a couple of seconds. Look, I brought us lunch!''

Sonic waited for another minute, trying to calm down and ignore the sense of panic he felt. Maybe Shadow was late because he got caught up in something. That was a possibility. Sonic decided to call him, but he couldn't reach him. He figured that Shadow was just being Shadow, either busy or just didn't want to answer the call for some reason. So, he called Touka, knowing that she was the one who'd usually answer. However, to his shock, the number was blocked.

''Wait, this is not supposed to happen,'' Sonic said, raising an eyebrow. ''Usually, Touka would answer the call.'' He shook his head, lowering it and placing his hand on his chin. ''Something doesn't make sense here. Maybe I should go to their house.''

[...]

''Have you tried to call your friends?'' she asked, nodding towards the AR Visor. Shadow shook his head.

''ARMS might track the call,'' he said. Rouge didn't look too surprised.

''Yeah, you're right. From what I've seen, they're keeping an eye on any information that gets in and out of this place,'' she replied. ''However, knowing your friends, I'm certain that they have noticed your absence and are probably trying to figure out how to find you.''

Shadow paused for a moment, remembering his conversation with Sonic the previous day, and nodding in agreement. ''You're right. Sonic and I had a conversation about this kind of scenario and he had told me that, if I ever went missing, he would do everything in his power to find me.''

His stern gaze then softened as he thought about his relationship with Sonic. Even though they started out as enemies way back when Shadow had no idea what happened to Touka and decided to get his revenge on humanity for the suffering they had caused, Sonic never really acknowledged him as an enemy. While Sonic had indeed fought Shadow, it was less because he Shadow was someone capable of destroying the world, and more because he knew that Shadow was hurt and that there was still a chance for him to turn things around. Shadow didn't want to admit it, but he was glad that Sonic was correct.

Another thing that stood out was their confrontation after the whole incident with Mephiles. Shadow knew that Sonic was just worried about him, but all the frustrations and stress he had built up at that time was too much for him and he snapped, getting into a full battle with Sonic just to take his own anger out on his rival rather than directing it at someone who actually deserved it, like Mephiles. But, instead of knocking some sense into him, Sonic took it upon himself to battle Shadow until he finally calmed down, acting as if nothing had happened. He did all of this while trying to talk to him, trying to coax him out of his self-imposed isolation. All that Sonic wanted was to make it clear to him that he wasn't alone, and Shadow felt guilty for attacking him in the first place. Yet, Sonic didn't care, moving on from their fight as if it were nothing. Still, his actions left quite an impression on Shadow.

''Sonic will fight for me…'' he muttered, feeling a strange sense of warmth spreading through his chest. He spread his hand against it, wondering why he felt like this.

''Well, now that you're done reminiscing about your boyfriend, we still need to find our own way out of this place.''

Shadow snapped out of his thoughts, his eyes darting towards Rouge, who just gave him a smug smile. A tint of red spread across his tan muzzle, leaving him blushing in embarrassment, but his crimson eyes turned sharp, showing pure fury towards her as he gritted his teeth, his quills bristled.

''What are you implying-?!''

''Hey, Rouge! I forgot to tell you that Knuckles has been looking for you!'' Touka quickly leapt on her feet, standing between the two. She knew the look Shadow was giving Rouge meant that he was most likely two seconds away from murdering her and she wasn't going to let that happen, especially since they needed Rouge's help to escape the ARMS HQ. Rouge, who still had that smug look on her expression and was enjoying the fact that she got under Shadow's fur, perked up at what Touka had just told her.

''Really? Well, I'm happy to hear that the Knucklehead is missing me,'' she said, quite pleased about the news. Touka just gave her a sheepish look, scratching her cheek as she was about to respond when Shadow interrupted her.

''Tch, Knuckles was just making sure that you're not up to something again. Don't think too much about it,'' Shadow said in a sharp, dismissive tone. Rouge pouted, frowning as she shoot him a glare. As for Touka, she sweatdropped, wondering why she was the one to end up playing mediator between the two. She then sighed audibly, only to realize something.

''Wait a second, would be possible to convince the Commander to let you join me and Shadow?'' she asked Rouge, who in turn gave her a surprised look, only to think about it.

''I suppose it would. After all, you are the new recruits, and someone would have to show you two the way around. It might take some sweet-talking, but as long as you act as if you had resigned yourselves to your fate as ARMS agents, I think everything should be fine,'' she replied, then glanced at Shadow, who did not look happy about this proposal. ''Do you have something to say, Black Blur?''

''Hmph, as long as it gets us out of this place, I'd be fine with it,'' he replied.

''It is nice to see that you are on board,'' Rouge said, getting up. ''If you two don't plan on resting, I could show you around and then we could go to the Commander with your suggestion. Trust me, there is a lot to talk about this place, so you better get comfy.''

''Right, I guess I should put on my uniform,'' Touka said, reaching for the clothes on her bed and her AR Visor, surprised to see that it was given back to her. Rouge then walked out of the room to let Touka change from her PJs into the uniform, with Shadow following, but not before he turned around, glaring daggers at Touka.

''Don't you dare to say anything about this,'' he said in a calm, yet threatening tone.

''I have no idea what you're talking about,'' Touka quickly responded, feigning ignorance while also feeling heart beat rapidly. Shadow stared at her for a moment, then exited the room. It is only then when Touka took a deep breath, feeling her legs shaking. ''Man, what was that?!''

She was well aware that Shadow was referring to Rouge's earlier comment, but to make things even worse, he also now knew that Rouge basically gave Touka ammunition to tease him and he was making sure to get the message across that none of that was going to happen. Touka knew that, as much as she wanted to question Shadow about his reaction earlier, especially considering how she never saw him being so flustered, she would be met with a wall of silence at the best and a Chaos Spear to the chest at the worst. While Shadow was typically open about his emotions around her, it seemed that this time, she wasn't going to get that privilege.

[...]

Sonic took a deep breath as he sped down Cross Layer Highway, having decided to go for a run after the meeting. Unlike Lucas, he simply couldn't stay cooped up at their home, and while he understood that he couldn't do much at the moment, he needed to go outside and stretch his legs. It gave him something to do, a temporary reprieve of everything that was going on, and he was certain that there was no way that ARMS would be able to track him like this. He needed this sense of freedom, the exhilarating thrill of knowing that he could go anywhere he desired.

He actually found himself on the highway towards Mikado City, having gone past Infinity Forest and the borders of Neos City, and he knew if he continued, he could easily reach the other side of Starpoint Area and visit other countries, exploring the wide world all on his own. This was something he genuinely enjoyed, the freedom to go wherever he wanted, whenever he wanted, and no one could stop him. He trusted this feeling, embraced the sensation and entered a new adventure.

However, instead of allowing his insticts to take over, Sonic skidded to a halt and entered a nearby open field, getting up on the top of a highway billboard, then turned back to the highway as he sat down and observed the cars passing by him. He knew that, while he could go anywhere he desired, he would always return back to his friends, especially since he knew that there was a new adventure on the horizon.

''Com'n, it'll be fun!''

''So, you want us to use Cross Layer Highway as our personal racing track, ignoring the fact that there is traffic there?''

''Heh… well, nothing happened… so far. I'm sure things will be fine. Besides, don't tell me that you're afraid of a bit of traffic.''

''Hmph. You'll be eating my dust.''

''You'll have to catch me first!''

Sonic chuckled at the memory of him convincing Shadow to go on a race on Cross Layer Highway. The dark hedgehog clearly had some reservations about racing in an area with so much traffic, but after a bit of banter, he accepted the challenge. It was fun overall, both weaving across the highway and trying to outspeed each other. It was an activity both enjoyed to the fullest, with Sonic even spotting Shadow smirking at him whenever he got ahead. The blue hedgehog then shook his head, feeling a sense of hollowness in his chest.

''Great, Shadow hasn't been gone even for a day and I already miss him,'' he grumbled. ''Admittedly, this is different than him going off somewhere on his own. This time, no one knows if he and Touka will return.'' He then grimaced, getting up, still balancing on the top of the billboard. ''Oh, what am I talking about, of course he'll come back. It's Shadow! There's nothing that can slow that guy down!''

Satisfied with this sudden burst of faith and confidence, Sonic smiled, only to get a message from Tails on his AR Visor. At first, he gave it a suspicious look, well aware that the team wasn't supposed to communicate like it, but he still opened the screen, only to find an URL link next to a message that said ''Sonic Adventure 2 Mod''. Curious and trusting Tails, he opened the link, only for the holographic screen to crackle and flash red, and Sonic was shocked to see The Eggman Empire logo appear on it.

''Tails, what did you…?'' Sonic trailed off when the logo disappeared and Tails' face appeared on the screen.

''So, you got my message! Great!'' Tails exclaimed.

''Uh, what did you do, little bro? Why did I see Egghead's mugshot on my screen?'' Sonic asked.

''The link you used is an app that directly connects you to the private chat room on the EggNet. That way, we don't have to worry about ARMS spying in on our conversations,'' Tails explained.

''Wait, the EggNet?'' Sonic was both surprised and impressed that his little brother thought of using Dr. Eggman's private computer network for communication. ''Won't Eggman know what you've done?''

''Oh, he already does, but we managed to restrict his access to the chat room,'' Tails explained. ''Warren is sending out the links to the rest of the group. Let's hope that Shadow will open his.''

''I'm sure that he will,'' Sonic replied, grinning happily. ''Should I stop by at the Workshop?''

''No, you don't have to,'' Tails replied. ''Just keep an eye out for Shadow contacting us.''

''Will do!'' Sonic did a two-finger salute, feeling quite optimistic about their situation, with Tails then vanishing from the screen.

[...]

Shadow's ears flicked as he heard soft buzzing and opened his eyes, reaching underneath his pillow and taking out the AR Visor he kept hidden there. He turned to the bed on the other side of the room, taking note of Touka being fast asleep, her back turned to him and then sat up, throwing the blanket over his head before answering the call.

''Sonic, why are you calling me at 2AM?'' Shadow stared at the small screen that was showing Sonic, who was lying in his bed. Sonic, in turn, gave him a sheepish smile.

''I couldn't really sleep, so I wanted to check on you,'' Sonic replied innocently, having realized the moment he saw Shadow's annoyed expression that he really shouldn't have called his rival this late. However, he spent most of the night tossing and turning in his bed, until he decided to call Shadow for his own peace of mind.

''Well, I can sleep and you just saw me a few hours ago during the team meeting,'' Shadow replied in a matter-of-fact tone, his eyes narrowed as he wondered whether there was something more to this conversation. ''Is there anything you want to talk about? I sincerely doubt that's the only reason you had called me.''

Sonic fell silent for a moment, then sighed, a small smile forming on his lips, as he should've known that Shadow would be blunt about this. ''It is really dull without you.''

''I suppose you just got used to us having our daily sparring matches, so it is not surprising that you would feel like that,'' Shadow replied, keeping his voice in a whisper to make sure that Touka doesn't wake up.

''Yeah, you're right…'' Sonic trailed off, wondering if he really should continue the conversation. He knew that Shadow had a mission tomorrow and he probably shouldn't interrupt him like this, but on the other hand, he was genuinely happy to see him and hear him.

''Sonic?''

''Huh, yeah?''

''You're staring at me.''

''Oh, sorry.'' Sonic was flustered to be caught like this. Was it really that obvious?

Shadow sighed, wondering what this situation even was. His mind was still occupied with the mission, so having Sonic call him out of nowhere to talk to him was a bit jarring, albeit not unwelcome. Perhaps having someone to take his mind off the things that troubled him would put him at ease, if only a little bit. ''How was your day?''

''My day? Well…'' Sonic had to admit that he was genuinely surprised that Shadow would initiate small talk. ''Lucas, Warren, Tails and I had talked to Loki, the wolf Commander of the Hunters, and he knows about ARMS, but doesn't trust them because of an accident where an Irregular like us was taken by them and never appeared again. I don't think that the Hunters are too familiar with ARMS.''

''I wouldn't be surprised,'' Shadow said, narrowing his eyes. ''After all, ARMS treats Irregulars like dangerous weapons. They even wanted me to absorb as much of Touka's BioEnergy as possible, so I was forced to use Chaos Surge to stop it.''

''Are you okay?'' Sonic asked worriedly. ''I know that you're not to keen on using BioEnergy, even if it's for a Chaos Surge.''

''I'm fine, since Touka has also recovered from the ordeal. I'm concerned what ARMS might do if they attempt to investigate my Chaos Surge ability. They might go after the rest of Team Neos,'' Shadow told him, rubbing his temple as he felt an oncoming headache.

''Don't worry about us, worry about yourself,'' Sonic told him, giving him a confident smile. ''I wish I could just bust into ARMS HQ to get you out.''

''If it weren't for the current circumstances, I would've done it by myself,'' Shadow told him. Sonic gave him a sympathetic look.

''You know, I am a bit jealous that you get break into Eggman's base,'' he said, smiling cheekily. ''I bet it's going to be exciting.''

''You could join us,'' Shadow suggested. Sonic sighed.

''I wish I could, but you know, that would blow up our cover. I also don't want to get my friends into trouble by doing something stupid,'' Sonic told him. Shadow rose an eyebrow, giving Sonic a scrutinizing look, leaving the latter confused. ''Uh, Shadow? Is something wrong?''

''I believe that's the first time I heard you say something sensible. Maybe you aren't the real Sonic and were replaced by a look-a-like,'' Shadow told him. He couldn't help but smile when he heard Sonic groan in annoyance and saw him roll his eyes.

''I know I can be reckless, but this situation is different,'' he said in an exasperated tone, then muttered, ''I also talked to Lucas about there being a possibility to break in, and he told me that we can't do that.''

''There is a reason Lucas is the leader and you aren't,'' Shadow said in a teasing tone, only to add in a more resolute tone. ''Not many would have enough sense to admit that.''

''Not many have the humility to admit that,'' Sonic said proudly.

''Humility? Your ego is the size of a skyscraper,'' Shadow said, with Sonic snorting in amusement.

''Right back at you, Shads. You aren't better than me, Mr. Ultimate Lifeform,'' Sonic told him. Shadow rolled his eyes, but Sonic could see the faint smile on his lips, making it clear that the dark hedgehog was amused by their banter. It made him feel quite happy to see his rival being this relaxed. ''In any case, you have to tell me what happened once you return from the mission. I want to hear all of the details.''

''I will, because knowing you, you'll probably spam my inbox with questions about what had happened,'' Shadow told him in a dry tone. Sonic gave him a sheepish smile.

''Sorry about that,'' he said, knowing well that Shadow was referring to the event right after their meeting with Mephiles and Toshiro, where Sonic just wouldn't leave him alone. ''I guess I should let you sleep now.''

''I didn't mind having a conversation with you, even if it was this late,'' Shadow said, surprising Sonic, who smiled back warmly as he looked at the screen. ''Good night, Sonic.''

''Good night, Shads. I miss you,'' Sonic said, the holographic screen before him turning black. Sonic then lied back down on his back, taking a deep breath, only for his brain to finally process what he just said to Shadow. He turned on his side, a faint tint of red spreading across his fawn muzzle, his emerald green eyes wide as he placed his gloved hand on his chest, feeling his heart race as if he just returned from his nightly run. Wait! Why did I tell him that? I mean, I do miss him, but that wasn't necessary! I just hope Shadow hasn't noticed anything, because that was just weird.

Meanwhile, Shadow placed the AR Visor back under his pillow and lied down, pulling the blanket over his shoulder, turning on his side and staring at the wall, his mind in a disarray. Unfortunately for him, the image of Sonic giving him a soft and kind smile just wouldn't get out of his head, and he groaned, furrowing a brow as he tried to fall asleep.

''Of course that idiot misses me,'' he grumbled under his breath, trying to ignore the wave of warmth that spread through his body and the tint of red appearing on his tan muzzle. ''Who else is going to be his rival?''

[...]

Sonic took a deep breath, exhaling as he was lying on the soft grass in Eden, staring at the blue sky above him. He had been wondering how Shadow was doing, wishing that he could've joined him and the rest of the group, but for obvious reasons, he was pretty much trapped here. He hated this waiting game, even though he knew that this was the only thing he could do.

''You don't have any news from Shadow and Touka, right?''

Sonic looked up as Silver walked up to him, holding a can with water he was using to water the nearby rose bushes. Sonic shook his head. ''I wish I did, though, but I can't even call Shadow now, since ARMS might be spying on him. I have to wait for him to call me. It's really frustrating.''

''I'm sure that they will be fine. We know that Shadow is quite capable of holding his own,'' Silver said in an assuring tone. Sonic sat up, crossing his legs.

''Yeah, you're right. Still, I wouldn't mind joining him,'' he replied. Suddenly, there was a flash on his AR Visor, with Sonic realizing that it was an incoming call from Lucas. The same happened to Silver's AR Visor, but the grey hedgehog joined Sonic as he answered the call.

''We have some good news!'' Lucas said, being on the same screen with Tails and Warren. ''Touka, Shadow and Rouge have completed their mission and we got access to the ARMS file.''

''That's geat!'' Amy said excitedly, clasping her hands, with the rest of the team also murmuring happily.

''Yeah, but we kinda ran into an issue. The file is locked under four passwords and we need to figure out what the hints mean to access the file,'' Warren said.

''Then, don't let us wait,'' Lily said. ''What's the first hint?''

''It says 'My full name','' Tails said, looking at his teammates. ''Any clue what that means?''

''Maybe it's referring to the person who wrote down the hints? How many tries do we get?'' Minami suggested.

''Only two before the file gets locked,'' Warren replied. ''Tails and I didn't want Eggman to access anything.''

''So, whose name should we write?'' Tails asked.

''Let's go with Touka Kageura. If it doesn't work, we'll have to choose between, ah-'' Warren said, a smile forming on his lips as he realized that this was the correct choice. ''Three more to go. Next one says 'What did I take from you, Guardian?' I think this one was set up by Rouge specifically for you to decipher, Knuckles.''

Knuckles' eyes narrowed as he thought about it for a moment. ''It was a red jewel.''

''Are you sure, Knux?'' Sonic asked. Knuckles nodded.

''I'm confident that she was referring to what happened at our first meeting,'' he said. Tails typed in the password, only to smile when he got to the next one. ''Okay, so this one is a bit weird. It says 'Sonic Heroes Team'.''

''That's a reference to the Sonic Heroes video game, which features four teams of three as playable characters,'' Minami said. ''Team Sonic, Team Rose, Team Dark and Team Chaotix.''

''So, which one should we go with? Team Sonic?'' Silver asked. Lucas shook his head.

''No, I think the answer is Team Dark, since Shadow and Rouge are part of that team. Not to mention, Dr. Eggman did mention that this Egg Base contains the E-100 Series of robots, and if my gut feeling is correct, they might run into E-123 Omega there,'' he explained.

''Is that a good thing or a bad thing?'' Amy asked.

''Well, in the video games, Omega wants to get revenge on Eggman, and if this version is the same, then this is a really good thing,'' Minami explained.

''Okay, last hint,'' Warren announced, raising an eyebrow. '''What is our relationship, Hedgehog?' That has to be set up by Shadow for…''

''It is rival, teammate, friend… In that order,'' Sonic suddenly said. He couldn't help but grin as he recalled his conversation with Shadow. ''We kinda had a conversation... I can't believe he would use that as a password.''

''It worked! All right, we'll sift through the data here, but it will take a while. Wish us luck!'' Tails said. The holographic screen soon closed, with Sonic and Silver exchanging cheerful glances. It seemed that things were finally working in their favour.

[...]

Shadow glanced towards Touka's bed, knowing well that she was quite exhausted from using up most of her BioEnergy and hoping that she was already fast asleep. Still, he laid awake for a few more hours to be sure, since he didn't want her to eavesdrop this conversation. After all, they had already discussed matters earlier with the rest of Team Neos, introducing Omega and telling them about the Commander knowing about Chaos Surge. Lucas, in turn, told them how he, Warren and Tails got an angry call from Dr. Eggman, who chewed them out for their stunt with the passwords, but they didn't care much. They assured Team Dark that they would sort out the data as soon as possible and cut the call. Still, Shadow had one more call to make, as per his promise.

''Shadow!''

''Keep quiet, Hedgehog!'' Shadow hissed at Sonic, peeking under the blanket to make sure that Touka was still asleep before returning back to the call. Sonic gave him a sheepish smile.

''Sorry, Shads. I'm just happy, and surprised, that you decided to call me back,'' he said in a hushed tone.

''I had a promise to keep. However, I don't have much to tell you about our raid on the Egg Base,'' Shadow replied. ''Omega destroyed all of the Badniks inside, and while we had a brief fight, Rouge quickly ended it.''

''That's fine. At least you have something to talk about, while I don't,'' Sonic replied. ''Nothing has happened today, and I feel really bored.''

''You could just leave and go somewhere to have an adventure if you feel like that,'' Shadow suggested. Sonic shook his head.

''And miss any upcoming action? No way. This is just a lull before the storm,'' he said, his emerald eyes sparking with excitement. Shadow furrowed a brow, sighing.

''I suppose that this is an answer I should've expected,'' he muttered under his breath, pausing for a moment. Sonic still had that stupid grin on his expression, and Shadow decided that it was time to wipe it off his expression. ''So, what was that about missing me?''

Suddenly, Sonic got really flustered. ''Uh… I- It's nothing! It was just a slip of the tongue.''

''Was it?'' Shadow had to admit that seeing Sonic losing that cocky attitude was quite amusing. It truly felt like another of their challenges, except this one required some proper thinking and wording to leave the other a complete mess.

''Y-Yeah!'' Sonic had no clue why he got suddenly so flustered, but he didn't like the look Shadow gave him. It felt as if the dark hedgehog was reading his mind, clearly not believing any of his excuses, and Sonic hated that he got rattled so easily. Admittedly, he was also fascinated by Shadow's ability in being able to match him not only in a battle, but also in their conversations. Any quip Sonic would make would immediately be countered by a remark from Shadow, whether it was the blunt truth or an actual quip, and Sonic loved how these kinds of conversations managed to keep him on his toes. He was also certain that, despite Shadow's aloof attitude, his rival was also enjoying these kinds of conversations and he wanted to keep them going as long as possible. Sonic then smirked, realizing what the perfect response to Shadow's question would be. ''Why are you even asking? Wait, do you miss me?''

Much to Sonic's amusement, Shadow huffed in response, clearly trying not to show that he was also slightly flustered by this question and deciding to not dignify it with an answer. Sonic, on the other hand, knew that he won this one and decided to add another layer to this conversation. ''Aww, you do miss me! I feel so honored.''

''Why would I miss someone as irritating as you?'' Shadow replied in an irked tone.

''If you actually thought of me as irritating, you would've ended this call a long time ago. But, you didn't, which means that you like to talk to me,'' Sonic teased him. Frankly, he really liked getting this kind of reactions from Shadow.

''I could end the call right now,'' Shadow threatened. Sonic's ears folded for a moment, showing that he clearly didn't want to end this yet, only for them to perk up again.

''You could… but you won't,'' he said, issuing another challenge. Sure, this one came with a risk that Shadow would actually make good on his threat, but this was just too tempting and Sonic wasn't someone who would shy away from taking any kind of risks, especially if it made him feel this excited. Surprisingly, Shadow kept the call going.

''Keep telling yourself that,'' he said. ''After all, you need me to keep yourself entertained.''

Sonic opened his mouth, only to close it again, feeling as if he was just kicked in the gut. What Shadow just said was indeed true, even if Sonic didn't want to admit it, but instead of getting riled up, he decided to take it in stride and counter attack with a remark of his own. ''Fine, I'll admit that that's true, but only because you won't admit that you also need me.''

''What are you talking about?'' Shadow responded, his eyes narrowing. He didn't like the smug grin Sonic was giving him.

''Don't tell me that you also didn't get bored without me around to keep you company,'' Sonic teased him. Shadow just rolled his eyes, but then the same dark thought from before entered his mind. He fell silent, and Sonic's smile faded as he realized that his rival got serious.

''It would be better for you not to be here,'' Shadow said.

''What's wrong?'' Sonic asked, now a hint of concern in his voice.

''ARMS knows that you and the rest of the team are Irregulars, and if they learn that you are also capable of Chaos Surge, they would turn all of you into their weapons,''Shadow told him in a grim tone. He wasn't too surprised when Sonic gave him a confident look.

''Don't worry, I'm sure that we could handle that,'' he said. Shadow shook his head.

''Not if they attempt to destroy your sense of self. Rouge and I may be exceptions, but there is no way of predicting of what they might do to you,'' he explained.

''I understand. I'm not going to be reckless unless the situation calls for it,'' Sonic said, with Shadow being genuinely surprised by his mature response. To see and hear him take things seriously for once did leave a warm feeling in his chest.

''Let's just hope that things will turn out right in the end,'' Shadow said.

''I'm sure they will, Shads,'' Sonic replied, smiling confidently and giving him a thumbs up. ''Just hold on a little longer.''

Shadow nodded in response, and he couldn't help but smile a little at the assurance he got.

[...]

''Hey, Shads.''

''I see that you had actually remembered to whisper during these calls,'' Shadow said, with Sonic rolling his eyes. It was in the middle of the night, and while Team Dark and Team Neos had already exchanged information in regards to the situation with Mephiles and Toshiro, Shadow decided to also call Sonic, feeling that this has already become a habit. He also knew that Sonic would be thrilled to finally have something he could talk about on his end, so he immediately added, ''You had said earlier that you and Silver had confronted Mephiles.''

''Yeah, and I wish that we had managed to deal with him at that point, but he got away,'' Sonic replied, sounding a bit frustrated, then snorted, trying to cover his frustration with some humor, ''So much for being The Fastest Thing Alive if I can't catch up to Mephiles or find him for that matter.''

''Finding Mephiles has nothing to do with your speed. He is someone who lives in the shadows, coming out only when nobody expects him,'' Shadow responded in a matter-of-fact tone. He was well aware that Sonic hated the fact that he couldn't stop Mephiles from hurting the Hunters or even the ARMS agents and Irregulars, so he simply made a logical statement. However, going by the smirk that had formed on his lips, Sonic understood the message a bit differently.

''Thanks for trying to cheer me up,'' Sonic told him, with Shadow giving him a puzzled look.

''I wasn't- That wasn't my-'' He tried to clear this up, only to realize that Sonic already knew that, giving him a wide smile. Shadow exhaled sharply. ''Fine, I suppose you can interpret it that way.''

''You know Shads, you can be as cruel in your honesty as you want, but sometimes the stuff you say feels quite comforting,'' Sonic told him, with Shadow just nodding in acknowledgement. ''So, do you have any idea what Mephiles wants from you? We all agreed earlier that he was antagonizing the Hunters and ARMS to get to you.''

''I believe that all he wants is another battle, just like last time,'' Shadow replied, a grim look appearing on his expression as he remembered their last encounter.

''He'll also probably try to manipulate you, just like he tried to do with me and Silver. Don't give in!'' Sonic said, pumping his fists and giving Shadow a resolute look. Shadow was a bit surprised to see Sonic suddenly turn into his personal cheerleader, but decided to play it cool.

''I'm not going to be swayed by anything Mephiles says. I have unfinished business with him and I'm going to focus on that,'' Shadow told him.

''I'm glad to hear that. Too bad I nor the rest of the team can join you in this battle,'' Sonic said, recalling the earlier conversation. Since Team Dark was going to be at the Codex Research Facility, the possibility of Team Neos helping them was brought up, only to get quickly dismissed when Lucas pointed out that if ARMS finds out that they know about Codex, Team Dark would get in trouble. Therefore, they would have to sit this one out, even though all of the team wanted to join in regardless of the danger.

''I know that I can trust the rest of Team Neos to not interfere, but I doubt that you would just stand at the sidelines,'' Shadow commented.

''Well, I'm trying my best not to do anything reckless lately. It also helps that I hear your voice scolding me whenever I make up my mind,'' Sonic said, sounding somewhat proud of his achievement. Shadow was a bit stunned for a moment, feeling a wierd mix of amusement and that familiar warmth he sensed whenever he talked to Sonic.

''So, you're telling me that whenever you think of me, it's me scolding you for doing something reckless? I don't know whether I should feel offended or flattered,'' Shadow replied in a deadpan tone. Sonic snorted.

''Maybe I should've put this in a different way…'' Sonic suddenly shook his head. ''You know what, forget it. I'd be happy to hear you yell at me whenever I do something stupid so long as I know that you're back at home safe and sound.''

Shadow fell silent, a faint tint of red spreading across his muzzle. His crimson eyes were wide, and he was stunned by Sonic's sudden confession. It was quite unexpected, but at the same time, he knew that Sonic said that because he genuinely cared about him. As much as he wanted to deny it, he was glad that this was the nature of their relationship. It still puzzled him that they were able to tell each other things the other needed to hear, or understand exactly each other's moods without needing to say anything, but he preferred it that way. He wasn't someone who engaged in pointless conversations, but somehow every conversation he had with Sonic ended up in some kind of revelation for Shadow. He felt as if he was learning more about himself this way, and one of the things he understood was that he was going to match Sonic in anything.

''I suppose it would get a bit boring without having you to annoy me, so I'd do the same for you,'' Shadow said, his tone being the usual business-like way he spoke, trying to ignore the strange fluttering feeling in his chest. Why did I even say that?!

''D'aaaww, that's so sweet coming from you, Shads! I appreciate the sentiment,'' Sonic replied, feeling quite happy that he had managed to get Shadow to admit how he felt about him. He couldn't help but chuckle lightly when Shadow shot him a glare.

''Don't think anything of it, Hedgehog. This is just a courtesy. I don't want to be in your debt,'' Shadow growled. Sonic waved his hand in a dismissive manner.

''Yeah, yeah… But you have to admit it, you do care about me,'' Sonic teased him. Shadow was silent, still glaring at his rival, but Sonic knew that this was less because he was offended and more because both knew that this was the truth. He then held up a finger. ''How about this? I admit that I care about you, and you admit that you care about me.''

Shadow folded his arms in defiance. ''That's not going to happen.''

''Maybe you won't say it, but you do care about me,'' Sonic pressed on, still having that dumb smile that irritated Shadow. Despite Shadow managing to keep an unreadable expression, aside from his trademark scowl, he knew that his rival was struggling with this conversation, clearly not wanting to admit the truth, either because of his pride or because he was just too embarrassed.

Shadow, on the other hand, had to wonder how in the world had he ended up in this conversation. Somehow, Sonic had the uncanny ability to rile him up with just a simple smile, and being the stubborn person he was, he wasn't going to back down from a challenge, even if it led him to confess stuff he never wanted anyone to know, not even Touka. ''I have already stated that if the reverse were to happen, I would go to save you. There is nothing else to discuss.''

''Yeah, yeah…'' Sonic was still grinning, while Shadow just frowned, both staring back at each other in silence. Even if some things were left unsaid, they knew exactly how they felt about each other.

[...]

Sonic raced from Eas towards the western side of Neos City where Infinity Forest was with a determined look on his expression. Sure, he did promise that he wouldn't be reckless and he certainly was going to leave this battle to Shadow, but that didn't mean that he could watch from afar, just to keep an eye on Mephiles. It wasn't as if he was bored from the lack of action; no, absolutely not!

''You're such an idiot!''

Sonic grinned, completely ignoring the Shadow-like voice in his head as he got to Sentoraru and made his way towards Westoru, avoiding pedestrians and cars. He was actually quite in high spirits, as Tails and Warren had informed him and Lucas earlier that they were close to finishing sifting through the data they got, and what they had found was actually rather shocking. They haven't told them yet what it was, but Tails said that this would get them into a lot of trouble with the public. In Sonic's mind, that was good enough.

The azure hedgehog then sped through Westoru and towards Infinity Forest, trying to remember the path towards the Codex Research Facility. It has been a while since he had been there, but he was certain that he would be able to find it. However, what he didn't expect to find was a huge structure made of crystals and surrounded by fire.

''Yikes!'' Sonic realized that this self-imposed mission might be a bit harder than he thought. The crystal wasn't transparent, but more of a purple and red hue, making it impossible for him to see inside. All he could conclude was that there were several layers of crystals placed at the field, keeping him away from whatever battle was happening inside the structure. Sonic then smirked, clenching his fist. ''Well, something like this has never stopped this hedgehog!''

He leapt into the air, curling into a ball and burrowed into the ground, creating a hole just in front of the structure. Less than a minute passed and he emerged again from the hole, breathing heavily and raising an eyebrow. ''Great, even the ground is crystal. Mephiles made sure that no one can enter it.'' He then shook his head. ''No way! If I cannot find a way inside, how will Shadow and the others find a way outside? I have to solve issue as soon as- aaagh!''

Sonic was startled when suddenly a bunch of figures made out of pure shadow and darkness appeared, confronting him. ''Ah, so Mephiles also left a couple of guards. At least things won't be boring!''

[...]

Sonic shredded through the shadow-like entities, pinballing from one to another easily, but the issue was that he also needed to avoid the flames and the crystals that were keeping him from getting through the wall. He had actually managed to run around the structure, taking note that it was way bigger than he initially thought. He had to give it to Mephiles, the guy was determined to make sure no one gets inside those walls.

''Woah!'' Sonic suddenly stopped due to a black hole opening right beneath him. He sunk, trying his best to free himself, but when he looked up to find a branch or something to lift him up, he saw the crystal walls suddenly turn black and purple. His emerald eyes widened. ''Oh, no…''

However, before Sonic could move, everything turned black. Only a moment later, the light returned and he was quite disoriented, only to hear a car horn and quickly leap off the street. It took him a bit, but he realizes that he was somewhere in the eastern part of Souto. He was quite baffled when he realized what had happened.

''How in the world did Mephiles teleport me to Souto?'' he muttered under his breath, his gaze turned towards the west where Infinity Forest was. A sense of worry bubbled in his chest, but he shook his head. He knew that Shadow could handle this.

[...]

Suddenly, a giant entity rose from the darkness, its body consisting of shadows, crystals and flames, with the crystals forming the armor around its formless shape. It sprouted four arms, breaking the crystal ceiling and causing shards to rain down. There was a sudden chill in the air as they heard Mephiles laugh darkly, his voice like ice and filled with nothing but calculated intelligence and insanity.

''Your heart was filled with nothing but hate for this reality and its people! So, why don't you join me in destroying it?!''

Team Dark couldn't see Mephiles nor Toshiro anymore, as it seemed as if they had been swallowed by the entity they had created. All they could hear was Mephiles' voice, seemingly speaking through the entity. Touka, Rouge and Omega turned to Shadow, with Touka and Rouge's expressions clearly showing concern for Shadow, and even Omega was apprehensive to the whole situation, his cannons already pointed towards the entity Mephiles had just summoned. Shadow, on the other hand, was just staring at the entity silently, his expression unreadable. He then turned to his teammates, his expression slightly shifting to that of pure of determination, only to face the entity once again.

''I may have hated this world once, because it stole someone precious from me. I also feel no obligation towards it or towards its people. Even if the world chooses to become my enemy, I will fight like I always have,'' Shadow responded, reaching for the golden rings on his wrists, twisting them and letting them fall on the ground. He could feel the Chaos Energy flowing through his body, almost bursting out, his hands crackling with energy. ''That said, you made a mistake endangering those I care about!''

Suddenly, everything stopped, and time and space warped. The entity couldn't even move, despite Mephiles efforts to break through. For some reason, he wasn't affected by whatever was going on, and his attempts to control this entity – Iblis – have failed. Then, Shadow appeared right in front of the entity, his size diminutive in comparison to the monstrous being, but his whole body was sparking with orange energy, his eyes glowing as he gathered all the power he could muster. His fingers were curled and he placed both of his hands together at chest level facing the same direction, with the palm on the back of the other. He knew that he only had one shot, and he could sense the Chaos energy, Mephiles' Chaos energy, within this monstrosity. All he had to do is to aim.

''CHAOS BLAST!''

Thrusting both of his hands forward, he fired a powerful blast of energy, the beam tearing right through the entity, not only powered by the Chaos Surge and the latent Chaos Energy that was concealed by the Inhibitor Rings, but also by Shadow's strong emotions and desire to protect everyone. He could hear a wail of distress as the entity, which had just formed before him was shredded, its wretchedness only gracing this reality only for a moment. Shadow was not going to allow it to exist any longer than that.

Then, everything went silent, and Shadow closed his eyes. Everything went dark, and he found himself falling into a deep abyss. His body couldn't move anymore and his mind was as empty as the nothingness that embraced him. Or was it?

''Shadow? Shadow?!''

Shadow could feel a sense of warmth, and he forced his eyes to open despite the pain and numbness. He never felt so broken and exhausted before. Staring back at him was Touka, having somehow managed to catch him mid-fall, her eyes having gone from crimson back to dark brown with that hint of red in them. She looked just as exhausted as he was as she cradled him in her arms, kneeling on the ground. On her right was Rouge, holding one of Shadow's Inhibitor Rings and looking relieved to see him alive. On her left was Omega, holding Shadow's other Inhibitor Ring, and while he certainly had no expression to show, it was clear that he was quite impressed by the destruction the dark hedgehog had caused.

As for Mephiles and Toshiro, they were gone. The crystal walls were still standing, but only barely, as more and more cracks started to form inside them, shattering and falling apart. Shadow narrowed his eyes as he gazed at the empty field, aware that despite the destruction he had caused, they were probably still alive, only barely escaping his wrath.

''What was that?'' Rouge broke the silence, still shocked by what had just happened. Shadow wanted to answer, but Touka was faster.

''That was Chaos Control, but in the sense that Shadow had stopped time itself,'' she responded. Rouge gave her a baffled look and turned to Shadow.

''Wait, you can actually do that?!'' she asked, her voice a bit too loud for Shadow's comfort.

''That is only possible with the power of Chaos Surge,'' Touka added, sighing tiredly. ''Even then, it is a technique that drains both of our energy, so we have good reason not to use it too often.''

''It was my last resort, and I was fortunate Mephiles had drained all of his own energy and Toshiro's BioEnergy to summon that entity. It only took one blast…'' Shadow explained, trying to get up. His and Rouge's ears the flicked as the group heard the helicopter getting closer and closer. None of the members of Team Dark were happy to see it, as that meant returning back to ARMS HQ and have to endure their frustrating stay even longer. Still, they were too exhausted to fight back… well, three of them.

''If you don't wish to return, I will just shoot the helicopter down,'' Omega offered.

''No!''

''Absolutely not!''

Touka and Rouge made an ''X'' sign with their arms, denying Omega the opportunity. They were well aware that they would suffer the consequences, because there was no way they would get away with this. Shadow, on the other hand, remained silent, having put the Inhibitor Rings back on his wrists and deciding to leave this conversation to his older sister and the treasure hunter. He managed to recover enough to climb into the helicopter on his own, wondering how long it would take for him to get back to his old condition. He pressed the lower part of his palm against his forehead, knowing he'll probably sleep like the dead in their graves the moment he was back in his bed. The helicopter then took off, but not before another scream pierced the air before it could be drowned out by the noise of the helicopter.

''Shadow! Shadow!!''

''Wait, is that Sonic?!'' Touka gasped in surprise, as the door to the helicopter hadn't been closed. Shadow immediately got up, his eyes wide as he leaned out of the helicopter, holding onto a nearby strap. To his bewilderment, Sonic was shouting and waving at him, and he could see the playful grin on his expression. Shadow mentally facepalmed, and despite saying nothing, it was obvious from Sonic's expression that there was nothing he needed to say. Sonic was simply relieved to see that Shadow was fine, while Shadow couldn't help but crack a genuine smile and even chuckle lightly, well aware that there was nothing that would stop Sonic from supporting his friend and rival, regardless of the methods.

Sonic, you're such a reckless idiot… Thank you.

[...]

Eggman had landed the Egg Carrier at a more wooded area close to ARMS HQ, but fortunately far enough to keep it hidden from it. Team Neos has already walked out of the aircraft, all of them powered up via Chaos Surge and waiting in anticipation. There was a sudden flash of light, revealing Shadow as he had Chaos Controlled to their location, giving them a firm look. Sonic walked up to him with a wide smile, only to get confused by Shadow's response.

''You're late again, Hedgehog,'' Shadow told him. Sonic was puzzled, only to realize what Shadow was referring to and snort in amusement.

''Well, I wanted to be here several days ago, but you know how things are…'' Sonic said, with Lucas approaching the two.

''We're ready to go. I guess Touka, Rouge and Omega are also ready,'' he told Shadow.

''They should be at the main building at this point,'' Shadow said, getting surrounded by the rest of the team. His eyes then flared up as he extended his hand. ''Chaos Control!''

[...]

''I assume you already know who we are, but I'd still like to properly introduce myself,'' Lucas said, stepping towards the Commander. ''My name is Lucas Kinomoto, and I am the leader of Team Neos. You have made the mistake of kidnapping two of my teammates, which is why we have attacked ARMS HQ. We are here to bring them back home.''

''Forget it. I won't let any of my agents go, and as for you, I will have all of you arrested and imprisoned,'' Commander Williams threatened, feeling furious about this situation. This group of teenagers and their Irregular ARNavs just stormed a military base, beat up his agents with the help of Team Dark and were now making such a ridiculous demand. He was not going to let them get away with this.

Upon hearing this, Sonic turned to Tails, holding out his hand. ''Tails, give me the the Miles Electric.''

''Uh, sure,'' Tails said, a bit confused, only for Sonic to walk up and sit down on the control panel, now being at a height where he was eye-to-eye with the Commander.

''I will give you one last chance,'' Sonic suddenly rose his voice, with everyone inside the room turning towards him. He was uncharacteristically serious, his tone low and calm, to the point that even Shadow was giving him a stunned look, as he never saw Sonic act like this. ''Release my friends, or you will suffer the consequences.''

''No, I won't-'' Commander Williams cut himself off when Sonic shot him a cold glare, pressing a button on the Miles Electric. Suddenly, a new window popped up on the screen, showing a red uploading line, already getting to 5%. ''Wait- What is that?''

''This is all of the information we have gathered about ARMS, and it is being uploaded online for all the public to see,'' Sonic replied. Commander Williams' eyes widened.

''You're kidding me!''

''You hurt my friends. I'm dead serious,'' Sonic told him in a cold tone, then smirked. ''It also pays off to have a genius as your little bro.''

He then turned to Tails, who was now hovering next to him, and both gave each other a high-five. Commander Williams remained shocked.

''Y-You're bluffing! There is no way you could've had any access to ARMS-related information…'' he trailed off when another screen suddenly popped up, obscuring the line below, which was now at 13%.

''They aren't bluffing, Commander. In fact, they had made an alliance with me. My own genius allowed them to access any information ARMS was hiding,'' Dr. Eggman said. Commander Williams turned back to Team Neos and Team Dark furiously.

''So, all this time, you worked for Dr. Eggman?!'' he growled, only to get startled when Eggman scoffed.

''Bah, as if! Team Neos is not affiliated with the Eggman Empire, and the only reason we're allied at all was because of your foolish actions,'' Eggman told him, clasping his hands and placing them on the panel in front of him as he leaned closer. ''As you have already learned, the terms of the negotiation for Team Neos are the release of Team Dark. I'm here to add my own terms…''

''Do you really believe that I would do anything like that?!'' Commander Williams shouted furiously. Eggman just rolled his eyes.

''So stubborn…'' he muttered. ''I believe Kinomoto and the Blue Rodent have told you that you have no say in this and that it would be smarter for you to just go along with our demands.''

''Y-You can't just blackmail me!'' Commander Williams protested, but seeing the line at 50%, he realized that he was running out of time.

''You blackmailed Shadow and Touka, so we decided to do the same,'' Sonic responded, then glanced around at the room, locking eyes with Shadow, who nodded in acknowledgement. Commander Williams gritted his teeth, gazing at the line on the screen again and seeing that it got to 53%.

''You-'' He was clearly struggling with his decision. On one hand, he knew that he would lose Project Shadow if he agreed to this, a project that had been in development for more than a decade. On the other hand, he also knew that he was screwed if any of the military secrets get out to the public. Not only would he lose his position, but he would be the one sitting in prison for this. He hissed through his teeth, ''Fine! Agents Sakamoto,…'' Commander Williams almost flinched when Touka shot him a venomous glare. ''Agh, Agents Kageura, Shadow, Rouge and Omega are free to leave.''

''You will also swear to never pursue them again and to let them have their freedom to live their life as they wish,'' Sonic said, earning a hateful glare from the Commander.

''Not only that, but ARMS will also not meddle in the business of Team Neos, as well as delete any information you have on us. We are not your enemy, Commander Williams. We just want to protect Neos City from anyone who wants to hurt the people that live there, be that an Irregular or a human,'' Lucas added, earning the same hateful glare as Sonic did.

''Lastly, ARMS will also not meddle in the affairs of the Eggman Empire, or any battles between Team Neos and myself,'' Eggman said, with Commander Williams giving him a somewhat confused look.

''What?''

''It seems that you either don't understand or don't know, but I don't like having outsiders interrupting this game. The only players allowed so far are Team Neos and their allies. ARMS doesn't have that privilege,'' Eggman told him.

''I won't just stand on the side and watch-''

''That's why we're here,'' Sonic interrupted him, giving the Commander a determined look. ''This is what we do. This is what I do! We are all willing to fight for what is right.''

''You're just a bunch of teenagers…'' Commander Williams trailed off when Touka and Shadow suddenly stepped up.

''Yeah, we are teenagers, but you still forced us to work as ARMS agents,'' Touka pointed out angrily. ''All we wanted was to live a normal life outside the Codex Research Facility and you took that away from us! We didn't ask to be created or live this kind of life!''

''Don't make this harder for yourself, Commander. Your hypocrisy will be your downfall,'' Shadow added, arms folded across his chest. Commander Williams looked back at the line, which was now at 79%. Time was of the essence.

''Fine! You have my word that ARMS won't meddle anymore in any of your affairs, and you can live your life however you want. Now stop that upload!'' Commander Williams growled. Sonic got off the control panel, still holding the Miles Electric and strolling over to Shadow.

''I guess I'm not the only one who kind of ran out of patience. Should we go home?'' he asked, giving Shadow an innocent smile. Shadow smirked at him.

''We have no business here anymore. I agree that we should leave now,'' he said. Before the Commander could even react, both Team Neos and Team Dark gathered around Shadow, whose body was crackling with energy due to Chaos Surge.

''Chaos Control!''

''W-Wait!'' Commander Williams shouted, but the group had already vanished. His attention turned back to the screen, with Dr. Eggman being gone as well, but the line remained, showing that it was at 85% and continuing the upload. His eyes widened in shock and despair as he realized that Team Neos had no intent on cancelling the leakage of information.

xXx

''Finally! It's over!'' Lily exclaimed, stretching her arms as Team Neos and Team Dark found themselves back at the wooded area where the Egg Carrier was. ''Now we can go home!''

''I'd say that we should celebrate this! This is a big victory for us!'' Minami said, with everyone giving her a look of interest.

''Yeah, this calls for a big party!'' Sonic said excitedly.

''I suppose we could celebrate this at my home. Knuckles and I will arrange everything,'' Lily said, with he rest of the group cheering in approval and getting into the Egg Carrier, and Rouge and Touka trying to convince Omega not to blow up Eggman yet as they still needed to return home. The last ones to climb inside were Sonic and Shadow, with Sonic having given the Miles Electric back to Tails, the upload having been complete.

''That was a quite decisive behavior you had displayed earlier,'' Shadow commented, drawning Sonic's attention.

''You think it was decisive?'' Sonic asked in a sheepish tone, rubbing the back of his head. ''I don't know… I did come off as a bit… rough and cold, I guess.'' He then stopped walking, only to snort in amusement. ''Actually, when I think about it, I kinda sounded like you.''

Shadow rose an eyebrow. ''So, I sound rough and cold?''

''Well, now that I think about it… You actually sound way warmer than before,'' Sonic said, scratching his cheek and grinning. ''It's actually really nice and calming to listen to you talk.''

Shadow remained speechless, being genuinely surprised by the compliment. He then tried to play it cool. ''I suppose I will also have to listen to you talk as well.''

''Heh, I missed you too, Shadow,'' Sonic replied, taking note of how tense Shadow looked and just figuring that the latter wasn't going to admit that he missed his rival as well.

[...]

''Speak of the Devil,'' Rouge said, suddenly spotting the two missing teammates at the front gate. Touka and Shadow had soon joined them, with Touka carrying a plastic bag with her, looking around at the yard in front of the Crystle Mansion, clearly impressed by how fast Lily and Knuckles had arranged for the place to be decorated and food to be delivered for the party. As for Shadow, he was suddenly approached by Sonic.

''You're late, Faker,'' he said, giving Shadow a smug grin. Shadow snorted, just shaking his head, well aware what Sonic was referring to. Meanwhile, Touka approached Omega, holding up the plastic bag.

[...]

Sonic then looked up, spotting a dark figure on the roof of the mansion and smirked. He managed to find his way up to the top of the roof, with Shadow giving him a slightly questioning look, well aware that Sonic was about to interrupt his moment of peace.

''Do you mind some company?'' Sonic asked, with Shadow pausing for a moment, then shaking his head. Sonic sat next to him, with Shadow taking note of just how close he was, but he didn't mind his presence. Sonic gave him a curious look. ''Why don't you join the others at the party? After all, you're one of the guests of honor.''

''While I am happy to be here, this doesn't mean that I'm going to socialize,'' Shadow responded, glancing at Sonic. His rival just grinned, understanding well that Shadow still wouldn't socialize with other people unless necessary – even if they were his own teammates. Nevertheless, that didn't mean that he didn't appreciate them.

''It seems like things are gonna go back to normal,'' Sonic said, both him and Shadow watching over their friends as they had fun.

''I don't think that you can call this kind of life normal in comparison to those of other people,'' Shadow remarked.

''Yeah, but you can now live a life without having to worry that anyone from Codex or ARMS will go after you and Touka. I'd call that a 'normal' life,'' Sonic pointed out.

''I suppose you're correct in regards to that,'' Shadow responded, feeling a sense of relief. It was as if someone removed a huge boulder from his chest and he could breathe a bit easier now. He knew that Sonic was right and that with Prof. Sakamoto being dead and ARMS not bothering them anymore, he and Touka could live a life without having to worry that they would be used as weapons again. ''It is a relief…''

Shadow was startled when he was suddenly pulled into a hug by Sonic, his own heart racing and his tan muzzle turning a faint shade of red. His crimson eyes were wide and his body tense, with his first instinct being to push Sonic away. However, he knew he couldn't do that. He couldn't explain it, but there was just something about being hugged by Sonic like this, something comforting, and he wasn't really sure how to respond. But, before he could even say or do anything, Sonic had released him, giving him an awkward smile.

''Oh, right… you don't like physical contact that much,'' Sonic said, rubbing the back of his head. Shadow stared at him for a moment, only to sigh, realizing that Sonic was just happy that he was here and wanted to show it in a different way.

''Since it's you, I suppose I can give you a free pass this time…huh?'' Shadow was startled when Sonic suddenly pulled him into another hug, burying his nose into his shoulder and holding him tightly. Shadow, trying to ignore a familiar sensation of warmth, narrowed his eyes, adding in a deadpan tone, ''What I meant is that I'll give you a free pass for the hug earlier. That wasn't an invitation for more.''

''Too late, Faker. You won't get rid off me so easily,'' Sonic lifted his head, gazing into Shadow's eyes and grinning at him mischievously. Shadow remained unamused and, for a moment, he thought about his response. To Sonic's surprise, he suddenly felt Shadow's arms wrapping around his torso, with Shadow burying his head into his shoulder, pulling him as close as possible. Sonic felt a wave of heat spreading through his body, his fawn muzzle turning a slight shade of red and his heart beating like crazy. Rest assured, he never expected that Shadow would hug him back, but it wasn't an unwelcome gesture. In fact, he really enjoyed it.

''Heh, so you are a hugger,'' Sonic said, his voice carrying a comforting warmth, only for the smile to fade a moment later when Shadow spoke again.

''I don't mind getting a hug so long as it is from a person I trust. It was a source of comfort for me, especially whenever I couldn't deal with the pressure I was put under or when I suffered from nightmares,'' Shadow said in a calm, somber tone. Sonic felt his own heart breaking for Shadow.

''Shads…'' He wanted to offer words of comfort, but nothing came to his mind. His ears then perked up when he heard Shadow speak again in a sharp tone.

''If you tell this to anyone, I will personally throw you into Cosmo River,'' Shadow threatened, moving his head back and glaring at Sonic, but still keeping his hands around Sonic's waist. Sonic snorted, trying to sound as serious as he could.

''Understood,'' he said, offering a sincere smile. While Shadow still kept a stern expression, Sonic did take note that his gaze did soften a little. ''Thanks for telling me that. I'm really glad that you trust me so much.''

''It cannot be helped… After all, you are a thorn in my side,'' Shadow responded, with Sonic suddenly burying his head right into Shadow's white chest fluff.

''D'aaaww, I heart you too, Shads,'' he said.

Shadow sighed, knowing that, if Sonic had done this several weeks ago, he would've kicked his rival off the roof and yelled at him for getting so close. But now, he realized that he had warmed up enough to Sonic to let him do whatever he wanted. Shadow then buried his muzzle on top of Sonic's head, feeling the soft blue fur, and took a deep breath. It was certainly a confusing feeling, and he had to admit, it was a bit daunting to deal with it, but at this point, whatever wall he put between himself and Sonic had been broken down. He knew that he could trust Sonic with his own life, but he still wouldn't trust him with his own insecurities and show his vulnerable side… at least until now. As a matter of fact, he was looking forward to going back to their usual rivalry.

''So, do you want to race?'' Sonic's question snapped Shadow out of his thoughts, the latter having no clue how long they had remained in that embrace. Sonic, clearly clueless about that, grinned as he gave Shadow a confident smile. ''I had been itching to finally challenge you again.''

Shadow just gave him a haughty look. ''I see… I suppose I should've figured that you'd be eager to lose to me.''

''Lose?'' Sonic suddenly got up, scoffing. ''Only in your dreams, Shads. You won't catch me so easily.''

Shadow stood up, folding his arms across his chest. ''Hmph, don't get too cocky, Hedgehog. One distraction, and you'll be suffering a humiliating defeat.''

''We'll see in a bit! Ready?'' Sonic said, taking a running stance.

''Set,'' Shadow said, smirking as he felt the familiar rush of adrenaline.

''GO!''

There was a rush of wind, with the blue and black-orange blurs vanishing into the night, both determined to continue their rivalry and prove who the faster Hedgehog between them was.

Links:

#Sonadow Moments in Sonic Cyber Revolution (The Starfall Arc & The Green Hill Zone Arc)

#Sonadow Moments in Sonic Cyber Revolution (The Chaos Rising Arc)

#Sonic Cyber Revolution (Masterlist)

#Sonic Cyber Revolution #Sonic Cyber Revolution Analyzer #sonic the hedgehog #shadow the hedgehog #sonadow

[communistkenobi]

the religion chapter in auth personality is kind of a flop

#it’s short and the data they collected aren’t very good #which they admit to but it’s disappointing #the one interesting thing they said was that the more accurate way to frame religion as it relates to ethnocentrism #is that it depends more on the WAY in which a person is religious #rather than if they’re religious or not #but again the questions they asked when collecting data for it were kinda stupid #the authoritarian personality

[dekarios]

ima be honest the whole concept that new canon things were added because they were inspired by fan content is deeply uncomfortable to me. it muddles who these characters are and the intentions of the writers and actors behind them all the way back to EA. they’re just gonna slowly become the fan interpretations aren’t they? who were they originally? does it matter to larian? does it matter to fans?

#fray.txt #it makes me think of how much certain characters changed over EA #wyll obviously #gale changed a lot. shadowheart changed too #and its still happening. they’re still changing #all of gales romance and approval tweaks #laezel getting nerfed into being nicer #and now they’re admitting they’re adding fan content ? #which makes me think the new durgetash is likely inspired by fan content too #and it’s sooooooo #sorry. i’m so disappointed in larian yknow #rather warp these characters into what fans want them to be than give wyll any content

[goemon-fan]

This was easily one of the best Lupin episodes

#there will be a rant in the tags that you can ignore #but it is so upsetting how modern/current lupin took away the depths of these characters and flimsily tries to restore their earlier depth #i'm one of those people who craves depth in what i watch and it's so difficult to like this franchise because it will be so close to doing #something interesting only to abandon it #this episode and part one as a whole was peak lupin in my opinion with each character having emotional depth yet flaws to overcome #yet modern lupin would have you believe that these characters don't desire to improve in any capacity #if we were to just focus on Goemon for example right here he shows depth with revealing hidden emotional maturity and empathy for Lupin by #comforting him and admitting he himself is afraid (which is a big deal for a character like him who is supposed to be unflinching) #but in modern lupin goemon will literally say that he's not afraid of anything and this is written without any hint of irony or depth #i'm okay with mindless entertainment and i understand that this is a series simply about stealing but the character assassination is so #disappointing #and when this series does try to be “deep” they pick the most triggering subject matter possible to depict to the point where it's #practically unwatchable (this is in reference to Part 4 and its constant SA plots as well as the rampant gratuitous child abuse plots #throughout the entire series) #i want so badly to love lupin the 3rd but it's a huge problem when fanfiction understands the characters better than the source material #lupin iii #lupin the third #lupin the 3rd #goemon ishikawa xiii #goemon #arsene lupin iii #jigen daisuke #daisuke jigen #fujiko mine #part 1

[marcsnuffy]

I don't think that differently about Kaiser now

#maybe because I initially disliked him after all😭 I've come around to liking him as an antagonist more than anything #he's always been like this & I think my shock with this chapter was more about how I didn't want to assume the worst of him #but then it comes out and that's how he is so it's more of a “oh okay this is how you think”. Which yeah. Of course #I'm actually excited to see how the kaiser/isagi rivarly gets resolved. I'm concerned about how it will affect ness #I don't want him to get ignored by the story itself yknow? 😭😭😭 but he did get a flashback so i doubt it. still. #I want to admit that I kinda expected too much from Kaiser given how he acts now idek why #someone else said “what if Kaiser saw himself in Ness when they first met” but it makes sense that #he would never want to think abt himself as someone who needs help or is as isolated or easy to take advantage of as Ness (in his pov) #even though he was at some point (and arguably still is. some of those things) #so yea i do like that they have insanely twisted views of each other it's very interesting to me #<- i think saph-yells-into-the-void said something similar to that last tag #anyways...... your favorite guy disappointed u? couldnt be me💅 my favorite guys r would never do that to me💅💅💅 #<being insufferable is my favorite bit. sorry #bllk spoilers

[iffeelscouldkill]

OKAY WAIT I just came up with a crack headcanon about Shelly

What if even RJ doesn't know who she is?? 😆

Maybe Park mentions her once or twice in passing, and RJ is hoping to glean from context exactly who this is because they feel too awkward to ask 😅 (Park's going to tell them, right? Or does he think they already somehow know??)

And then Park says, "If Shelly calls, tell her not to expect me," and through the dread comes a new realisation - RJ is going to have to talk to this person they have absolutely no idea about.

-- But it must be in Park's file, right???

Cue RJ frantically (and guiltily) searching through their superior (former superior?)'s file only to find out:

Even the IGR doesn't know who Shelly is.

Maybe Shelly doesn't call - or maybe she does but RJ struggles to gather anything from her voice or her references to Park about who she is to him. And it's a really inappropriate moment to go "also, um, who exactly are you?"

Come Episode 10, RJ asks Park, "How's Shelly?" and inwardly thinks am I finally going to find out?? But Park's reply is non-committal and RJ is still in the dark 🙈

(And it's not exactly the most pressing issue, what with the whole "sparing the life of a Dwarnian" and "Park being a traitor to the Republic" and "RJ being a traitor to the Republic oh god")

But then they're on board the Iris 2, Shelly's name comes up, and Park looks stricken, so the Rumor crew obviously decide not to ask. Later, someone (Sana?) pulls RJ aside and asks about Shelly and RJ (in far far too deep to admit the truth) improvises desperately.

"She and Park were very close…" (Surely that can only be true, right?) "Park really misses her…" (Again, self-evident) "I think it's difficult because she can't know what's happened to him…" (That's just part and parcel of going on the run)

Sana nods and doesn't seem to detect that the key piece of information is missing.

ALTERNATIVELY, they're on board the Iris 2 and Shelly's name comes up, and both Park and RJ make confident references to her as if the Rumor crew already know who she is. Did Park mention this? Did Other Violet? It's been a crazy 48 hours, no-one has slept, and later on it seems almost… too late to ask (each member of the crew thinks they're the one who can't remember who Shelly is).

Which results in Park + a ship full of people all desperately trying to pretend they know about Shelly

#TSCOSI #crack #headcanons #Shelly TSCOSI #Jin-Seon Park #RJ McCabe #The Strange Case of Starship Iris #Park may in fact realise and is just waiting for someone to crack and admit they don't know who Shelly is #it's been an impressively long time #but RJ has a terrible poker face #RJ just can't believe that research didn't yield the answer #is Shelly a spy??? is her existence classified? #at this point they have a whole dossier of theories #and Park knows that on some level the mystery being solved would be disappointing #(in which RJ is all of us)

[essayofthoughts]

There's this thing, sometimes, when reading fic - not shitfic, because I do read that and I know what to expect from it, but fic with actual thought and nuance, which cares about exploring trauma and fucked up emotional consequences, evenwhen when they're ugly and uncomfortable and awful -, when you realise that while the fic is willing to have the protagonists be angry but get over it with some characters, they just refuse to with others. And it can make sense to a degree - there's always one character that gets under another's skin, and there's gonna be some disagreements that just, due to individual perspectives, are that much harder to overcome. Even though having them work through it - having a character admit how and when and where they fucked up, and how severely, and the degree to which they recognise this, the internal complex, contradictory fuckery - can be fun! Can be nuanced and messy and delicious.

Then you see the fic says "[X Character] Bashing" and you realise you're never gonna get that. That those crunchy, messy, complex, fun scenes in your head? Will never leave it, because the author has decided that while they'll put in all this engaging messy nuance for (so far) literally every other character... for this single one, a flat one-sided view of a character is all they can be arsed to write.

I dunno, yeah, it's fic and you can write what you like, but bashing has always felt incredibly, astoundingly lazy to me.

#i want characters to be interesting! #not flat on-sided cardboard cutouts! #let a character admit that they fucked up! #that they did something out of selfish obsessive sort-of-love for someone #not out of love for the person as their own individual #but out of a love for what the person means to them #have them admit that and that because they felt they FAILED that person in some way they're doing something else #which they hate and feel complex conflicted resentment over #because they blame this other thing as a sign of their failure and what they think they've lost #and NO it doesn't make sense - but when do emotions ever! #and giving them that nuance #having the protagonists understand this hated character #give them better comprehension perhaps even some empathy... #but in no way help them forgive - if anything make them more disgusted and disappointed by them! #THAT IS CRUNCHY #THAT IS FUN #THAT IS FUCKED UP AND AWFUL #character bashing is a fucking DETRIMENT to nuanced and engaging writing #and i will never not be mad that some people choose the lazy way out #fic things #writing things #fandom things #tag meta #my meta #kinda

[speedwayy]

Dickie Moltisanti, he was like my me to me.

#say what you will about this movie but you must admit they were kind of insane for this... #though this is kinda the extent of their scenes and tony scenes in general. which i knew going in but still disappointing #bc michael gandolfini was good and SOOOO CUTE :( #the sopranos #the many saints of newark #my gifs

[jessicas-pi]

So This Was A Little More Angsty Than I Recalled...

We’re probably both going to be bruised black and blue by the time this is over, Ezra thinks, blocking a hard swing and throwing it right back. The sun was setting when they started, and it’s nearly dark now.

Sabine’s eyes glow too gold for comfort in the dusky night. Just like he has every day for the last month, he bites his tongue and holds back his questions.

Hera and Zeb won’t tell him about whatever happened to Sabine on Malachor, Kanan and Okadiah are as lost as Ezra is, and if Ahsoka knows anything, she’s not telling. When Ezra brought it up to Mom and Dad, they just told him to be there for Sabine.

He’s been trying.

Sabine has not been cooperating.

So after a month of being there with no success, Ezra gave up and decided that it was time for some non-optional friendship bonding time, but even his best efforts at finding a so-bad-it’s-good holofilm like they used to watch together, even after making some really good movie snacks, all for her, she sulked and complained the whole time, being so—so—infuriating that before he knew it, they were yelling in each others’ faces about tropes.

Ezra stopped yelling, stopped the film, took her by the arm, dragged her outside into the Atollon landscape, and said that they were going to beat the crap out of each other.

(For Mandalorians, sparring is training, recreation, and even courtship. He figured… maybe it would work as therapy, too?)

He doesn’t feel bad about throwing the first punch, because she hit back twice as hard. Ezra thinks his lip is split from a hard hit to the front of his helmet, and Sabine’s knuckles are scraped raw and bloody. They circle each other, slower now than when they started. Her hair has blown out of her braid and sticks to her face in the heat.

It’s a little bit pretty, but now definitely isn’t the right time to think about that.

Sabine rolls one shoulder—he thinks it’s where he landed a decent punch.

“Had enough, tin can?” she demands, but the tension has started to drain from her body and she sounds a little closer to playful than he thought she could ever be again.

“Not if you’ve still got that attitude, wizard girl.”

“You’re gonna regret that,” Sabine warns. She settles into a stance, rocking a little, coiled like a spring.

“Probably,” Ezra agrees.

She draws a breath, and Ezra must have blinked or something, because in the space of an instant, she’s flown at him. He can barely see her in the dark and even the night vision in his helmet doesn’t help.

But he has a split second of advantage. In pure chance, she overextends, and he slams into her, sending them both tumbling through the Atollon dust.

She’s up on her feet again right away—or at least she would be, but Ezra snags her wrist, and drags her back down, flipping over so she’s neatly pinned beneath him.

All he needs is a knife to hold to her throat and it would be a near-perfect replica of the scene in the holofilm that started their stupid fight in the first place.

Sabine doesn’t say anything. She just lies on her back in the dust, looking up at him with the eyes that always seemed to see through his mask, but now they don’t look like they’re seeing anything. He hopes she’s processing her emotions and not disassociating.

Ezra is about to move off of her when something catches his eye, and he brushes some of her hair away from her face. It clings—not with sweat, but with blood. There’s a cut on her cheek.

“Did I hurt you?” he breathes, not sure what he’s even saying, and he draws away.

Flying up, her hand seizes his wrist, gripping painfully tight, even as her sharpening gaze fixes right where his eyes would be.

Ezra swallows dryly. The look she gives him is making him feel a thousand things that he doesn’t really want to sort out, now or ever.

“Sabine?” he asks. “What…”

He trails off. Her thumb slides to the little space between his glove and his sleeve, pulling the cloth back. Never looking away from his face, she pulls his arm up and softly kisses the pulse of his wrist.

“You’re dangerous, Ezra,” she smiles, breath on his skin.

Then, like the Spectre she is, Sabine is gone.

#ezra and sabine: this is a perfectly normal way to handle our traumas and requited but unacknowledged feelings for each other! #yeah so Sabine still has trauma but it's DIFFERENT trauma so she's slightly better at admitting she has feelings #ezra on the other hand... #'don't be ridiculous i have no feelings whatsoever for sabine. sure i would die for her. that doesn't mean anything.' #(he's secretly afraid that his adoptive buire are still alive and will be not-mad-just-disappointed that he's crushing on a jedi) #but sabine isn't entirely emotionally healthy either and due to her Specific Trauma she tends to swing back and forth #between shutting down/completely ignoring him and basically saying to his face #that the only reason she hasn't pinned him to the wall ripped his helmet off and kissed him senseless is that she respects his creed #which; as you can imagine; is a little confusing for ezra! but it's okay he doesn't need answers this is fine he hAS NO FEELINGS #and okadiah (the only Emotionally Competent person on the Ghost) is watching them like #'i'm no therapist but if i may offer some advice—' #FUN FACT I FINALLY FIGURED OUT WHO TO SWAP ZEB WITH #so he's a jedi and Fulcrum! and Ahsoka was a royal guard to the queen of Shili! #and chopper died instead of okadiah BUT he's a droid so they installed his memory in the Ghost and now he lives in the ceiling #until they can find him a new droid body #twin blades and beskar au #lifeswap au #sabezra