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#which makes me ALL kinds of emotional
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Legend of Tomorrow friendships that mean a lot to me (in no particular order) :
Jax and Stein
Jax and Sara
Nate and Ray
Mick and Sara
Mick and Ray
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volivolition · 2 months
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she's so normal he swears.
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iheartbookbran · 3 days
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i cackled before the season came out and everyone was freaking out about the brothel scenes because they wanted demi!Colin and now the possibility was lost forever, when it was precisely the brothel scenes (+ the diary bit) which cemented demi!Colin to canon prosperity!
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haunted-xander · 8 months
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tbh one of, if not my absolute favorite part about ffxiv, is the small little moments/sections where nothing super big or like. Plot Important happens, but that give both the characters and us, the players, some much appreciated down-time to just. Feel things. And to process what's happened and what's going on or to just. Let us exist, in the moment. In a much more grounded and human way than when there's Big And Important Things happening.
The biggest(imo) and earliest example of this is right after the Waking Sands get raided in ARR, and WoL turns to the church for guidance. The entire section of us helping them gather and bury our fallen comrades, and especially bringing Noraxia home to Little Solace so she can be laid to rest in her homeland, by her own people and in their own cultural ways, was so so important to me.
Because it wasn't just replacable allies cast aside for shock value anymore, it was real. These deaths were real and meant something. I got to actually process what just happened, and I got to watch Banana go through it right with me. And not only did it make it feel real, it also gave me a sense of closure. These people, these friends, are dead, but they also got to be treated with the respect they deserve and laid to rest properly.
And that, more than anything else, made me want to save the world. It's grounded and grounding. This world, and these people, meant something to me, the player.
And there's tons of stuff like that throughout the game, especially in shadowbringers and endwalker.
In shb we have, for example, Lyna venting her anger and frustration after the sin eater attack in Lakeland. She's on her knees yelling on the verge of tears while punching the ground, so furious at her helplessness and powerlessness, at everyone having come so far yet set back because some megalomaniacal tyrant deemed it so.
In ew we have Urianger being approached by Moenbryda's parents, who confront him about not confiding in them about his grief. When Bloewyda starts to scold him, he of course reacts guiltily, believing they blame him, only for him to be completely caught off guard when she instead goes in to hug him, telling him he should have let them grieve with him. And he just. Breaks down. He's been holding these feelings, this grief inside him all this time, and now that he is not only told it's okay to let it out, but by her very own parents at that, he just can't keep it in anymore. He cries for Moenbryda, right then and there, being held lovingly by her family.
And the thing is, these scenes aren't necessary, strictly speaking. The plot at large could go on without them, the events that happen around them are not changed by these moments in any way.
But still, they are so so important, to the world, to the characters, to the players. Everything feels real and impactful now, every death means something, every tragedy, every person, feels real.
And that, to me, is what makes this story so special.
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sergle · 10 months
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There's something about like. A certain genre of posts / Online Opinions about insecurity/depression/misery/complaints that are so unhelpful that they wrap right around to being straight up hilarious. and it's the ones that are more or less written to the tone of "Feeling bad? That's gross!" Like, just so you know, don't voice your insecurities/ have low self esteem, because that's offputting! You're gross and weird. Don't be insecure about that, though. That would be stupid if you felt insecure about people disliking you for being insecure. Not attractive. You should be thinking about being as attractive as possible. You shouldn't make comments about suicide, even if you're suicidal! Keep those thoughts entirely to yourself. Make sure nobody around you knows you're thinking about this. It would Make Them Uncomfortable. It's better to keep these thoughts in your head where they can fester. Don't post OR talk to friends with complaints about you feeling miserable or depressed. Tbh people who are sad/upset a lot? Kinda a red flag! You are probably miserable because you're a bad person and you've brought this on yourself. If you don't have friends, it's because you're awful to be around. Easy! Solved the problem for you. And no, there is no nuance to this, got it? So, make sure to feel bad about feeling bad, but don't feel bad about it, because, well, that's just gross. And annoying! You might've wanted your brain rotted thoughts to be Peer Reviewed, you might have just needed to vent- you might've been hoping for some comfort, to get things off your chest. Well, don't! Don't talk about thoughts or feelings that are negative with your friends, you'd be burdening them and that's only meant for THERAPY. #SponsoredbyBetterHelp #MentalHealth like, DAMN. that's so helpful. you're so good at helping. I um really liked the part where these are all hard and fast rules that encourage keeping feelings bottled up and keeping your friends at arm's length. That's really funny of you.
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puppyeared · 6 months
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its so hard to watch time pass when things like careers and assignments exist. what do you mean im supposed to take that seriously
#I have an assignment that was due a week ago and I really really dont want to do it. I have to but i dont want to#im probably making it worse because my brain has built a wall around it so now i can’t do literally anything else until thats done. but#because I don’t want to do it I’m just kinda stuck. turns out this is what they meant when they said emotional regulation is part of#exec dysfunction.. I’ll have a thought like if I get a little bit of it done now i can get it over with. I can just submit something#and then not even 5 minutes later itll be like ugh but I have to draw all the assets out. I have to write things and make spreads ugh#and its just flopping between those two things. i hate it when ppl are like well how much time do you need to work on one thing#because BOY id love to know too. I’d love to know exactly when my brain wants to cooperate with me and work around that but I cant#even my period can’t decide when it wants to punch me in the stomach. which is kinda funny in the grand scheme of things but still#its so weird im just lying on my bed thinking abt all this like damn.. the time will pass anyways no matter what I decide to do.. damn….#if I submit that assignment now and take the L I literally won’t die. it’ll just be a deduction on an assignment nobody will ask me about#I know this but I’m still stressing myself about it so my thoughts aren’t really connecting to my body. weird#maybe its because Im having a hard time looking forward to things. theres definitely a lot I should be living for but I don’t really feel#a strong attachment to it I guess? it’s been like this for a while with holidays and meeting with friends so I just don’t#I kinda figured its because im pretty passionless and its more like passing interest. but it’s not very fun when it feels like I’m going to#be living distraction to distraction for the next 70 years or so lol#idk it kind of feels like slowly bleeding out. which is funny because I actually did experience blood loss this week#had a 30 minute nosebleed and literally could not stand. also it felt like someone was pinching the back of my brain which was interesting#yapping#does this count as vent#vent#Ive just been making an oc carrd and contemplate changing my blog header for the past 3 days honestly
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originalartblog · 7 months
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your skk is so real and true to me. like its Them
this is such a great thing to hear I'm ✨🥺✨
I like to think I can mostly keep them in a permanent "status: ????". is it romantic? is it platonic? could it be both at the same time? perhaps queerplatonic would be a better term? I don't know you're the reader you tell me. The important part is that they got each other's back and can be stupid together and perhaps get their dose of cuddling while they're at it because they need it. Whether they kiss or not is so secondary to me but I NEED them to yearn for each other's company in big and small ways both.
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a-s-levynn · 9 months
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#sleep token#here is a thing#there are certain moments when Vessel looks.. no he rather feels.. small#i mean his.. aura? presence? but not in the non-captivating way but as in an emotionally vulnerable way#i don't really have the words to describe this but just like on this picture#bear with me for a minute because this is either gonna sound completely unhinged or make some sort of sense#it's probably just me having a little more time on my hand than i should and just want to see things but..#sometimes he feels so present in a here-i-am as-i-am take-me-as-you-will this-is-all-i-am i-can't-give-more-nor-less it's-just-me sorta way#he feels so human in the rawest sense possible and yet so deep in character maybe even more so than when he creatures or teefs and all#like.. he is just vessel in it's simplicity and without the 'divine' if you will.. simply just vessel#in his barest of existance#a shadow of someone who used to be but not quite anymore#he is in pieces and it is willingly laid bare under the mask and all that bodypaint oh so clear to see for anyone#and that is not the outstreched hand of you-are-not-alone but the outstreched soul that cries you-can-find-yourself-in-me#and that is what i find so heartbreaking about him#this kind if raw openness because the lore says vessel is a conduit for sleep#for us vessel (and the the others) is the conduit of our emotions#and he is there somewhere inbetween the truths#just him a simple human being who sometimes seems to wish not to be human which makes him more human than anything#and that is what i can't describe better than 'sometimes he feels small' and at time even maybe makes me cry a little
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cantagirldrawinpeace · 2 months
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Been reading Law Novel 👍
(super legally and not at all from a Google Docs English fan translation 👀)
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WOLF ONE PIECE I KNOW YOURE NOT CANON BUT YOU REMAIN FOREVER FAMOUS TO MEEEE!!!
(Handwriting translations under the cut)
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Law: Junk-ya this is Bepo. He’s a polar bear and he’s going to live with us now. Be nice
Bepo: He brought me here without explaining anything..sorry….
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I like this sad old man :)
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Wolf: I swear, I let ONE kid stay - out of pure convenience - and they just kept multiplying!
Dadan: Tell me about it…
Both of them, thinking: I LOVE MY FUCKIN KIIIIDDDDSSSS!!!!
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sapphorror · 5 months
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Okay but my favorite GIR moments are ALWAYS the ones that imply he's just aware enough of what's going on to know that the thing he's doing will fuck up Zim's day, and he still does it anyway, possibly specifically for that purpose.
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bmpmp3 · 9 days
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and another thing about vocal synth fans: we will always find some adult male voicebank to turn into a funny little clown for our amusement. some guy to communally bully in our talkloids, the miserable straightman to the shenanigans, the sad little freak punchline to our jokes. it happened to kaito. it happened to gakupo. it happened genbu. it even happened a bit to kevin (although he seems to have looped around somehow). and it will happen to you too, frimomen. it will happen to you too.
#hell its already begun. or maybe he was born for this role. his origins being that of which they are#the other day i saw a favourite meal announcing dragon parody 'list of past girlfriends' with frimomen#and of course the joke was him going silent for the listing part <3 a classic but it still got me LOL#i dont know why we need to do this. i feel it too though. i see a grown ass man vocal synth and im like I NEED to make him swagless#child and teen vocal synths are mostly safe from our wrath (although we've definitely done a good bit of len bullying)#but the second i see a guy who pays his taxes i NEED to make fun of him <3 <3 <3#a vocal synth tradition. its a tradition#i dunno i was kinda thinking about genbus characterization and how in the japanese fanbase he kind of varies from what ive seen#sometimes hes a nice and calm guy with a tsundere edge. sometimes hes a goofy loud straightman to shenanigans#but overwhelmingly in the english speaking world in talkloids we turn him into this high energy beloved little freak LOL#and i love all characterizations. my own personal version is kind of all combined LOL hes friendly but a little too hype#to me he seems chill at first but is like 0-100 in like seconds <3 like his voicebank <3 <3 <3 i think he feels every emotion so so much#and absolutely suited to the straightman to hijinks role with his grumpier edge when hes embarassed#i also sometimes like to give him a bit of an unearned ego sometimes because of voicebank deprecation#hes clunky but he was the first!!! he was the first!!! hes not owned!!!! he slowly turns into a corncob#thats another characterization that mostly comes from the english speaking side LOL#TO ME genbu is like if ll nico was trying to put on a nice calm guy exterior instead of a cutesy idol exterior#which might be why genbu's becoming my favourite LOL nico was always my fav.....#going back to our favourite little guys to bully i will say nowadays kaito isnt bullied as much. because we have gakupo to bully instead#the bullying can pass on. frimomen. it can be inherited frimomen. watch out frimomen
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yeahbumbleby · 1 year
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nothing broke me more in yesterday's episode than realizing that the only reason why ruby doesn't describe weiss to little when looking for blake and yang simply is because she thinks weiss made it to vacuo. girlie already racking up seven different kinds of breakdowns and she doesn't even know her best friend's presence on the island is going to introduce a brand new one... please pray for ruby rose because she's about to eat dust this volume
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miraphoenix · 6 months
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Right off the bean, this is not a callout post. I'd talk to the person this is about 1-on-1, but a) he's had me blocked for 4 years, and b) it's mutual. This is me venting on my personal blog, something that he decided to vague about me doing back when I had my first blog.
With that out of the way. I'm really fucking tired of people stealing from Valenth/Revecroir, and from its creator.
Years and years ago, when they were a literal child, my bff/queer life partner--for the purpose of this post, their name is Leupai--made lizard-critters with hands on their tongues and called them leupaks. Eventually, they ended up splitting off from Subeta where they worked at the time, making an affiliated petsite called Valenth where the leupaks featured quite prominently as creatures in a fantasy-meets-steampunk world.
Unfortunately, their boss was a piece of work, and following a rather large kerfluffle involving another petsite lifting other elements of my partner's work (namely, a dragon concept and a companion concept), my partner was fired by the Subeta head boss. The leupaks were renamed into leupai, and Valenth expanded into Revecroir. This was in 2014, give or take a few months.
Through about half of the Valenth era and into the Revecroir era, Leupai was dating someone else, who went by Sixar at the time, later Kismeti, and the two had a long-distance open relationship. Kismeti also did a fair amount of site art for Valenth, and described himself as Leupai's biggest fan; when he'd met Leupai originally, his username referenced leupaks, he had a bunch of leupak characters, and a leupak sona. I met both of them in 2013-2014, right around the close of Valenth, and started chatting with them both. Leupai was more responsive, Kismeti was more reserved, but I did the best I could.
Over the years, I kept trying to reach out to Kismeti, but found that Leupai was honestly more willing to talk with me, so I did become better friends with them. Note that I was friends with Leupai, and trying to be friends with Kismeti. We chatted, we sent memes, we played World of Warcraft, I bought folks pizza across the Pacific Ocean, you know the drill.
Through this, I became really familiar with Leupai's world, at that point named Revecroir. I got to know their lore, their worldbuilding, their current projects, and the leupai creatures themselves.
The leupai were--and are!--still fat lizards with paws on their tongues, who can open portals between worlds with acid in their claws, who transfer their consciousnesses to other bodies if one is destroyed, and whose strength comes from the realm of dreams and creativity. In the early days, in lore that wasn't publicized, leupai were roaming around to find a world to live on after Valenth. This was a project that was supposed to be worked on with Kismeti, but nothing really ever came of it. Eventually, Leupai kind of moved on from that storyline to write more about Revecroir itself.
At the same time, I tried asking Kismeti about his worldbuilding, because he had characters and allegedly a world of his own, but didn't really get a lot in the way of answers. I saw a lot of Sonic fanart, I saw a lot of homestuck, I saw a lot of MLP:FiM, I saw a lot of Captain Planet. Eventually, I kind of... Gave up asking? And that's on me, but frankly, if you ask someone to share their stuff and they don't share their stuff, I figure that's the signal to stop asking.
As time went on, though, I was seeing some cracks forming in the 10-year relationship between the two, and I was helping Leupai through a lot. I watched as he yelled at my best friend for not responding to messages fast enough. I watched as he made plans with Leupai and then fucked off to do other things for hours, leaving Leupai in the lurch and worried about his physical safety. I watched as he gaslit Leupai about their ability to use a computer. On one memorable instance, when Leupai's internet was unstable while we were all playing WoW together, Leupai left the voice call to go reset the router, and Kismeti decided that it was a great time to shit-talk Leupai's intelligence to me. For a half hour straight. Until Leupai rejoined the call.
Eventually, I visited Leupai in person and watched as they were broken down to tears by Kismeti failing to respect their boundaries for literal hours, until Leupai caved to Kismeti's preferences. That was a rough night, and I remember wondering why the fuck my best friend's partner was treating them so badly.
About a month and a half after I visited Leupai, they decided to break up with Kismeti, because they'd had enough of him verbally berating them for not responding fast enough to memes sent over instant message, among so many other things. He, to put it mildly, lost his shit.
(For the record, I know what went down, because Leupai had me read the messages sent back and forth, to make sure they were grounded, and were reading things right. I've seen logs going back 10 years. His original vague accused me of not knowing what I was talking about, but boy howdy I was either there, or have read the raw logs.)
Anyway, he begged for Leupai back. Leupai gave him a chance that he fucked up within a day. Leupai said goodbye and blocked him. He then started messaging me about this on discord, clearly trying to use me as a go-between to get to Leupai.
At the time, I was going through some Complex Feelings about my own abuse by various people in my life, triggered by his behavior, so was reblogging a lot of support stuff on my original blog. I guess he decided this was vaguing about him, because he made a vaguepost accusing me of not knowing all the details (unbeknownst to him, I'd read everything) and finally blocked me.
I figured this chapter in my life was done at this point, and moved the fuck on. Made a new blog because I didn't feel like getting all his shit off my old one, moved across the country, got a new job, the whole shebang. Leupai and I entered our odd QPP/partners/bffs/???? phase, and I genuinely didn't think much about him, unless I was helping listen to Leupai talk about stuff they'd gone through with him.
Until this year. When I saw some comment of his break containment and end up on my dash, under the name "riftclaw". I had a bit of an inkling, so I broke my "don't look" rule and looked at the linked toyhouse to confirm it was really him.
Turns out, riftclaws are... Lizard creatures. Who open portals between worlds with acid in their claws. Who are looking for a new world to call their own. And who have some divine properties, that may involve body switching.
And all of Kismeti/riftclaw's old leupai characters are now riftclaws.
Oh, and he was planning to make them into a closed species. To make money off them.
Now, leupai were decently popular back in the day. I still have leupai characters, and make some periodically from time to time. There's a tag on tumblr and everything; if you're reading this, there's a decent chance you remember Vee yourself, as a fair number of my followers were there too. People still talk about Valenth from time to time. Leupai still has a folder of old fanart from back in the day with some 800 pieces of art in it. They were, by all accounts, successful until they weren't.
But the height of popularity was back when Vee was still around, in the late 2000s and early 2010s. The only new stuff in the tags is from an archive blog of old Vee assets.
Despite that, though. And I know this from messages between the pair, I know that Kismeti tore into Leupai repeatedly for "being more popular" and "having more eyes on their work". Even though "those eyes" didn't keep Leupai fed or housed, or really give them any income. Even though "those eyes" meant getting 50 notes on a tumblr post as opposed to 20. Even though "those eyes" just increased thievery and the constant pressure to be a Content Creator(tm), and were a major part of what drove Leupai off the internet entirely starting in 2018.
So imagine. Imagine for a moment. Being so hungry for clout and attention. That you steal your ex-partner's species concept that they've had since they were literally 8 years old, barely file off the serial numbers, and then make that your entire online persona four full years after your partner broke up with your ass twice for being an abusive piece of shit over a 10-year timeframe.
To borrow my own tags from this post, which got me thinking about all of this again?
#This is all to say; if you're jealous of someone else's success? Fine. Go have your emotion. But don't lift their shit.#Your emotions are valid; your actions aren't.
(Oh, and this is the smallest thing in the world, the least important piece of this? Riftclaws are already a thing from a game released in 2016 called Grim Dawn.)
#phoenix sounds#leupai#leupak#Valenth#Revecroir#I have a lot of feelings and a lot of emotions and a lot of frustration#Leupai's had their shit stolen three times now#Once when they were a kid; once by another petsite#And now once by their ex#Which is just... Honestly? I guess they've got an original idea because everyone else seems to be cribbing it#This is why the Revecroir setting's forever private now though#Leupai got run off the internet by this kind of thing (and much worse) and they're staying gone now#And this whole hbomberguy vid thing about plagiarism is just making me think about... How many people this impacts#How many artists have had their shit lifted and stolen by someone and how crushing that is#How many people that disenfranchises and removes from communities#I can attest that Revecroir is flourishing but it will *never* be seen again by outside eyes because of the repeated thefts#How many more things are like that I wonder? How many people stop making all together because of this sort of thing?#Ties into the sssniperwolf shit from a few months ago where she was freebooting stuff from much smaller creators and claiming it was hers#In her case we do know that there were small creators who stopped making after she stole their shit for millions of views on youtube#So it's not like this is some victimless crime#Anyway I think the constant searching for clout/visibility/reach/whatever the term de jour is?#Has made everything unfathomably worse in terms of theft and plagiarism#And to confront the latter we have to remove the former
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girls-and-honey · 2 months
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#okay so random tag post even though it's been ages#me thinks the current place i work is actually decent a la accepting-queer-ppl so?? miiiiight. consider actually putting my#pronouns in my email signature (which hardly gets used but shh) but like. the actual ones not the society/people assume anyway ones#idk i attended a virtual tech focused event for trans dov (yes early but they didn't want to put the event on sun) and you know when#everyone is just sharing their stories and experiences and it's just like... an overwhelming sense of community? anyway that#and since it was hosted by a professional org the topics were all workplace focused and mayhaps that's something i'm thinking abt for#this year. at least within our pride group I might be ready? wild bc for a long time tumblr has been the only place I feel comfy being 100%#myself. but hearing real people's stories makes me feel like that kind of community would be nice to have elsewhere too#and the whole looking to others also turns around into the leading by example thing bc then we had some breakout groups at the end for#networking which is not my favorite but! i did my intro and said I use she/her for work but will use she/they for this group and#then the next person said he/him at work but for this group he/they so that made me wonder if it was bc of me saying so first?#which if it was is kind of like oh. the way I'm looking for those people for me.. I can also be that for someone else#anyway this sounds dumb typed out but irl/professional me has always separated out queer identity so it's new to me#i'm allowed to be giddy okay. just a little. as a treat (is tumblr still using 'as a treat' i really hope so)#oh shit is this what gender euphoria feels like#alright that's it for now i think#gah emotions and whatnot#missed you all btw i'll start actually being online again soon#personal
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obeymeow · 1 year
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nightbringer lesson 14 FUCKED ME UP in several ways but primarily I've spent the last 48 hours making myself sad over the solomon backstory we got. specifically I have, for no reason, latched onto that one chapter in the Kids event where baby solomon cried because he felt so guilty over being responsible for that spell. and that just feels a touch more depressing in context
#nightbringer spoilers#obey me on side#went back and unlocked the event again because i could not get this out of my brain i know it's probably not that deep#but it is that deep TO ME. okay#baby solomon has been on my brain since thirteen told that story so that's probably why it's sticking in my brain so hard but whatever#in case anyone was wondering the other things to make me sad are:#he has such a deeply excessive amount of lights in his room in purgatory hall there are SEVERAL chandeliers and lamps#there's a good handful in his room in cocytus hall too (his horror dg showed it) if a more normal amount#but that with the 'dim and gloomy' detail. ☹️#i've also always thought that solomon's loneliness wasn't all about the immortal angst but like.#having it confirmed that he's had reason to be lonely since he was a child- before he was old enough to know he was using magic-#totally crushed me girl why can't I be wrong#had emotions about lesson 14 in general but solomon backstory steals the show every time for me so i haven't gotten around to the rest#i'm enjoying the nightbringer story so much (not talking about the game design. that's a different thing entirely) but man#the pacing is WILD it feels like every lesson could be a whole lesson block at the least. it's giving me a lot of room to speculate#which I always love! but i do wish they would slow down a little and expand on some of these concepts they're bringing up#because the basic idea of the game alone is REALLY INTRIGUING and it'd be a shame if they raced back to the present imo#what was i even talking about. sorry my brain fast forwards as soon as i get into the tags there is not one sequitur to be seen#so curious about solomon's friend now too. like my guess is it's going to be lilith (and hopefully not in a popular fan theory kind of way)#because it's more than a little suspicious that they expanded on lilith's views on humans the way they did#in a way that SO PERFECTLY lines up with the expansion on solomon's views on humans#WHICH I HAVEN'T TALKED ABOUT YET BY THE WAY BUT LIKE. HE IS SO RIGHT AND REAL FOR THAT#it's beyond stressful to me that I think solomon is completely justified in his views and being completely reasonable about it#but that it would also mean war between the worlds presumably while the brothers are still recovering from THEIRS#you cannot give me that choice man. not even sure that the human world would be ABLE to win that fight if we're being real#solomon's 72 pacts are a lot yes but he's still only one guy who is NOT on good terms with the sorcerer's society#and mc is powerful but so so inexperienced. and that's IF they choose to side with the human world which#really i don't think the canon mc is likely to do. but anyway i guess solomon's friend could also be adam maybe?#that could be wishful thinking because i like adam though. even if his hair SUUUCKS#deeply offended by everyone thinking solomon got the fucked up hair when all signs point to adam be NICE TO HIM he's ugly already
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astridthevalkyrie · 4 months
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everything you see ab being the oldest daughter is true btw why am i the family therapist AND punching bag smh
long ass depressing rant in the tags srry i got a wee bit emotional
#my dad has something going on where there's a ringing in his ear my mom has tendonitis and neck pain now#and i feel for both of them i'm goin to cvs to get the meds giving my mom massages every night talking to my dad to distract him#they're both going to the correct doctors#but just throwing it out there i have had tendonitis and chronic upper back pain for 5-6 years and no one gave a shit most i've gotten is#jokes that i'm faking it#i'm in physical therapy for my back NOW but that's bc i finally crawled out of the depression long enough to do it myself#which is fine whatever i'm 22 i should be the one making my own appointments and it'd be weird if i wasn't#but when i was 16 or 17???#being hospitalized for STRESS HEADACHES at 14 too???#who gets hospitalized for that shit and how were my parents not concerned that i at the age of 14 was#so stressed out that my head was pounding all the time#and bc i'm the third parent who has to be the only emotional safe space#i don't say anything if my sisters are rude to me bc at least they feel safe enough around me to be rude to me#i have to listen to everyone and their momma's problems#i'm in law school!!! i do not need this i'm anxious all the time!!!#and if i'm not anxious i'm depressed!!!#my therapist point blank tells me shit like 'you're incredibly lonely' or 'you have way too much on your shoulders' and it makes me CRY#the most basic fucking observations that i KNOW but hearing someone else acknowledge it and not berate me fucking sends me into TEARS#i get messages from online friends here like 'hey i saw your post you don't deserve that' i physically cannot keep my eyes dry!!#every time i have any interaction ever i am at least a little uncomfortable bc i am always trying so hard to make sure i come off as kind#and not awkward or mean#i feel like everyone around me was given some kind of how to manual on life that i wasn't#and i KNOW this is not unique tons and tons of people feel like this#i know this is the depression and the anxiety and the possible autism i'm well aware#but then every couple of days my mom gets the brilliant idea to tell me i'm rude or lazy or whatever and i lose my shit#i just wanna sleep and write fanfics in the nicest way possible i hate everyone#i will try my best to not be mean to anyone bc no one deserves it but i am angry and i am constantly feeling the hurt of my inner child#my MOTHER threw a hardcover book at my HEAD when i was ten bc i had been reading and hid the book under the pillow#what the actual fuck????#my dad's response to any and everything is to deal with it
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