#where he is seen vibing on a mountain with a weird cat and in the training grounds | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theladyismyshepard · 3 years

Note

I love your characterizations of the daughters and all of your imagines they are fantastic! i was wondering would it be okay to request an imagine where the reader says to the daughters like during an argument or something,“you wanna kiss me so bad it makes you look stupid!” and they all react to her in different ways? plz take ur time with the imagines and don’t feel pressured/rushed as ik writing should be something that is fun and not feel like a chore, thank you for all the content you have written so far :)

@frustratinglyinquisitive also maybe this could double as your #28 prompt? 🥺👉👈

Why Does Everyone Wanna Kiss Me So Bad?

The sunset was shining bright enough to sting and obscure eyesight, but that didn’t stop you from staring up into the pink and orange hues. Every time you blinked, the phantom flash of the sun still danced along your eyelids, leaving a glare across your vision. You weren’t even bothered by it, not when this numbness had clung itself to you, leaving you idle and just there. You flexed your fingers, and it rattled the chains locked around your wrists, bringing you back to where you were.

The boxed confinement you were trapped in felt more of a cage rather than the carriage bumping along the rocky trail that led you to your new prison — yes, Castle Dimitrescu sounded to be just another form of punishment, though you were uncertain as to why you were to be moved from Heisenberg’s watch to Lady Dimitrescu’s estate. You could hardly call it a step up from the twisted games he forced you to play within his factory.

You were sure you were on borrowed time and it was nearly time to collect, and you were certain that time had come when the four Lords surrounded you with Mother Miranda playing the head of the beast, leaving you cowering on the floor. The familiar iron hammer and the stench of billowing cigar smoke was on your right.

Standing next to him was quite possibly one of the ugliest... things you’d ever seen. A cloak hid a majority of his body, but you had the suspicion that the misshaped person next to Heisenberg wasn’t entirely human... you got that vibe from everyone in the room. Especially the weird doll that couldn’t seem to reign in its excitement as it bounced in the veiled woman’s lap seated next to Mother Miranda.

There was nothing human about the golden eyes that peered into yours from under the brim of a wide hat. They seemed calculating, curious, if not a tad bit confused as they surveyed your weak form. You looked away, unable to handle the weight of the woman’s gaze, and that was how you caught Mother Miranda’s bright eyes cutting into you from behind her bird-like mask.

“Oh, how I have been waiting to meet you, little one.” her voice demanded respect, but all you could do was gawk. “You are a stubborn thing, I’ve heard.”

Her gaze slowly crept over to Heisenberg as she said it, and you couldn’t help but feel a tremor of fright at his angered snarl, his arms crossed petulantly. It was true, you had endured many weeks at the hands of the leather-clad man, and while he did his worst, you refused to succumb to his torture, though for how much longer, you couldn’t say.

“I cannot fathom what keeps you here, but there is nothing special about the common human.” said Mother Miranda, and the mounting irritation was crystal clear. “You might have one looking like a dog chasing its own tail, but let us see how you fare in Castle Dimitrescu.”

You could immediately tell who dwelled there with the way the woman wearing white was smiling like the cat who ate the canary. She was completely predatory and was feeding off of Heisenberg’s disgrace and fury, and between the two, you weren’t sure who the best option was, not when her eyes turned to you and she looked like she knew exactly what she wanted to do with you.

“Do not worry, Mother Miranda,” the woman promised, already moving to stand, and the way she towered over you had your neck craned straight upward. “It’s been some time since my daughters had a plaything.”

That comment alone had the other occupants of the room guffawing and whistling. Everyone seemed to thoroughly enjoy the prospect of her daughters getting their hands on you, even Heisenberg had his eyebrows arched in surprise. Who the hell are these girls? Mother Miranda seemed to know and that was all that mattered.

“You are about to see what real monsters are.”

And that was how you found yourself roughly chained up inside the carriage that guided you to Castle Dimitrescu. You weren’t entirely sure why it was such a slap in the face to Heisenberg, but he seemed rather indignant as he loaded you up, spitting insults through the whole process.

You couldn’t say for sure how long you had been traveling, but it was enough to have all of your joints achey and your ass numb by the time it was all said and done. Hell, it was long enough to feel the temperature drop as you trekked back around the mountains that stood between the factory and the castle. Though that wasn’t to say that you were in any big rush to get there. In fact, your heart dropped when the carriage came to an abrupt halt.

Panic gripped at your heart, and it felt as though fingers squeezed tightly around it. It left you motionless where you sat, wide eyes glued to the door that you were shoved in through. You could hear Heisenberg muttering and rustling as he approached, but aside from that, you couldn’t hear the distinct clanking of his iron hammer. He had such little faith in your survival skills that he didn’t even bother with arming himself to release you. Not that he needed to... You’ve seen what he can become, and you’ve seen what he houses in his factory. He’d kill you dead in a few seconds flat if you tried anything.

But at this point, what did you have to lose? Mother Miranda made it very clear that you were to be eliminated at the hands of these daughters, so did it really matter if you died at the doorstep or in the dungeon? You might have accepted death, but that didn’t mean you wouldn’t put up a last fight out of pure stubbornness. So that was how you had every intention of kicking forcefully at the door once it began creeping open to have him stumble back, possibly cracking him straight in the nose in the process, but that didn’t go as planned right off the bat.

Not when the door was nearly ripped right off the hinges in the haste to open, leaving you jarred, mouth hanging. The sunlight was now faded and replaced by the beams of the moon, but it was a bright night, leaving you capable of seeing that this was definitely not Heisenberg. And neither was she... or her. Uh oh.

“Mother! She’s here!” squealed the redheaded girl closest to you, clapping happily.

“Thank you for the gift, Mother,” said the brunette, her smirk not reaching her dead eyes.

“We will not disappoint you.” promised the blonde, her eyes observing your every move like a hawk.

“Have fun, daughters, but do remember that this one comes special from Mother Miranda, so do not forget to thank her.” their mother instructed, as if you weren’t there.

“Thank you, Mother Miranda,” all three said in unison before three different pairs of hands grabbed whichever part of you that they could.

Heisenberg clicked his tongue from where he leaned against the side of the carriage. He had an arm crossed while the other brought a cigar nestled between two fingers to his lips. You couldn’t read his eyes from behind his circular sunglasses, but you could read the entertainment in his toothy smile before he took a drag. When he blew it out into your direction, his satisfied grin spread again.

“Now, you have fun now, too, ya hear?” He mocked, chuckling as he turned on his heel, mounted the carriage, and prompted the horses to carry him off into the night.

“We’re gonna have lots of fun.” giggled the redhead, her smile the widest of the daughters as she tugged at your arm, dragging you along the pathway towards the castle.

“Not if I get to her first,” the brunette chimed in, her own grip on your other wrist tightening and pulling, almost like she was trying you get you away from the other.

“Who said either of you get the first turn?” the blonde interrupted, frown etched into her face as she tangled her fingers into the collar of your shirt.

“Enough,” drawled Lady Dimitrescu, voice barely more than a bored mumble, but it still had the daughters zipping their lips. “Bela, you are the oldest, and less likely to break her before your other sisters get a turn, so you may have the first turn.”

The blonde grinned brightly while the other two scowled but saying nothing in front of their mother. Your eyes couldn’t decide where to stay as you glanced between all four women as they finally led you through the entrance of the castle. You noticed that the temperature didn’t really increase from taking shelter, the walls giving off their own chill to substitute for the lack of outside wind.

You didn’t even have time to marvel at the interior before Bela was tugging at you with renewed eagerness. You caught the slight growl from the brunette’s direction, but one glare from the Lady and it ceased. What the hell was really going on here? You never had time to process anything before sister after sister said something that left you reeling.

“Aww, her heart’s racing!” announced the redhead, her eyes wide and unblinking as they stared at your chest. “Please let me-”

“Daniela, no,” snapped Lady Dimitrescu sternly, her frown lines on display. “You will be last, and that’s that.”

Daniela’s face twitched in her attempt to bite her tongue to prevent her argument from bursting forth. It didn’t stop her from turning and giving the brunette a glare however. You gasped when her body dissolved into a swarm of bugs before your very eyes. They dispersed and flew this way and that, and you honestly don’t know why it still shocked you when the brunette followed the same exit style. A nose pressed against the side of your neck and you jolted so hard that you nearly broke free of the hand that was now caressing your shoulder.

“Such a jittery, little thing,” whispered Bela so quietly that her following inhale was louder. “Though I hardly smell the sweet scent of terror... Is this one broken, mother?”

You couldn’t help it, you had to chuckle at the complete honesty in Bela’s question. Your lack of fright baffled this girl almost as much as she baffled you altogether, and suddenly you were staring each other down. Her eyes were narrowed suspiciously as she cut her gaze up and down your body. Even Lady Dimitrescu arched a finely sculpted brow at you, seeming more interested now than she did among the other Lords.

“Mother Miranda assures there is nothing special about this one.” said Lady Dimitrescu.

“Why do you not fear me?” demanded Bela, almost sounding offended, her grip on your shoulder tightening. “Your heart is pounding but you aren’t oozing that smell that I like!”

“It’s kinda hard to fear death when you don’t even care about living anymore.” You deadpanned without much feeling, your eyes finding the ground more interesting. “Heisenberg rid me of everything that made me who I used to be.”

“And just who were you before my dear uncle dug his claws into you?” pressed Bela, and you refrained yourself from showing any outward reaction to their connection. You swallowed as you looked her dead in the eye now.

“Someone who would have the common sense to know just how dangerous you are.” You answered, and her brow furrowed.

“Who are you now?” She questioned quietly, her eyes softening a bit under the chandelier light. All you could do was shrug, you had no concrete answer for her, yet you knew you had to supply something.

“Someone who thinks that being abducted by three beautiful women isn’t exactly the worst case scenario,” you chuckled mirthlessly, the bitter smile on your face cutting into your cheeks almost painfully.

Bela stared at you almost dumbfounded before she had to look at her mother, almost as if to double check that she indeed heard correctly before she burst into a fit of giggles. Lady Dimitrescu didn’t even meet her eye, she was too busy staring into your soul. Only when your eyes fell to your feet did you hear her heels clicking away up the winding staircase.

“Remember what she’s here for, dear,” she drawled, never turning back, and leaving you alone with Bela.

“If you’re gonna kill me, just get it over with.” You spat, attempting to sound brave rather than defeated.

Bela’s smile was almost animalistic with the way blood smeared across her lips and stained her teeth, and you couldn’t help but to feel like the prey when she took slow, deliberate steps around you.

“Oh, no, where is the fun in that?” Bela countered, reaching out to graze over whatever part she could touch as she continued to stalk around you in circles, taking you all in. “You are my pet now.”

“I thought I was a plaything.” You couldn’t help but throw back into her face, and you were surprised when Bela merely cocked her head instead of getting angered by your outburst.

“Mother Miranda might not find anything special about you, but call me fascinated.” said Bela, stopping in front of you, her fingertips caressing your throat. “You belong to me now.”

“Us,” corrected a sudden voice behind you, and the haze that was settling over you in Bela’s presence was lifted when you jerked forward.

You tried to whirl around on your heel out of reflex to back away, but Bela’s fingers dipped from your throat to grip at the collar of your shirt to keep you still and facing her. You flinched away from the sudden hand that tangled in the bottom of your hair, pulling your head back until it was resting against a shoulder. Brown hair cascaded down into your eyes.

“Mother Miranda gave her to all of us.” corrected the brunette, the edge in her voice making it like steel.

“Cassandra’s right,” sang Daniela in a sing song voice, and it had a shiver running down your spine, which prompted a round of wild giggling. “Did you like that, pet?”

“If we’re being technical,” Bela piped up with an eye roll, trying to pull you closer and failing when both Daniela and Cassandra tightened their own grips on you. “Mother Miranda gave her to us to tear apart, so she wasn’t meant for anyone.”

“Buuuuuuut?” You interrupted, hoping to add a touch of humor to your case.

Daniela giggled and Bela shook her head in mild amusement, but you found that Cassandra was the more difficult one to crack. She didn’t offer a single facial expression as her eyes surveyed every inch of your body, and you couldn’t tell if she was appreciating the view or if she was sizing up which part of you she wanted to rip off and take for herself.

These three women spoke so callously and so nonchalant right in front of you. These three women were what Mother Miranda referred to as “monsters” compared to the actual beasts you had seen lurking within Heisenberg’s factory. These three women were spattered in blood that you somehow knew wasn’t theirs, and they wouldn’t stop touching you. Hm.

“Aren’t you funny,” Cassandra said nearly monotonous, but her smirk was on full display, and you cursed the light, fluttering feel of your chest.

“I try,” you whispered, afraid that speaking any louder would be taken as a threat to these crazed women, but you did look her in the eye to gauge her reaction.

“Can we keep this one, Bela, please?” whined Daniela, pouting at the blonde.

“I don’t think mother would allow it though.” Bela worried, finally releasing her hold on your shirt, and that had Cassandra and Daniela pulling you closer (and almost apart).

“She is ours to do as we please, we’d kill her if she tried anything.” snapped Cassandra, looking like the whole situation was stupid to her.

“Obviously she will not try to escape!” insisted Daniela, nodding her head furiously towards who you were guessing was the older sister, before turning to you. “Right?”

Bela, Cassandra, and Daniela were all looking at you expectantly, and you couldn’t help but feel warm under the spotlight. You could practically see the thoughts flicking through Bela’s calculating eyes. Cassandra was cool and reserved as her eyes gave nothing away, but her wicked smirk showed she wanted something from you, whatever that might be. Daniela’s eyes were intense as they bored into you, and her smile was almost unhinged, and honestly who were you to break it?

“I could never say no to three pretty girls.” You flirted, wagging your eyebrow to each sister, and the response was immediate.

Bela’s mouth parted in a silent gasp before she latched onto the front of your shirt again and started giggling. Cassandra looked entirely predatory now as her eyes flashed and her smirk showed all of her teeth, her own chuckles slipping out. Daniela, who was curled around your arm the whole time, had stars in her eyes at your answer and she smiled widely, throwing her own cackling into the mix, and suddenly it was a symphony.

“I want her first,” pleaded Daniela, eyes never leaving you.

“Mother said it’s my turn with the pet!” said Bela, tugging at you again.

“Why should we get her after she’s been used?” Cassandra argued, her arm now wrapped around you from behind.

“I won’t break her!” snapped Bela, her pulling useless when it was a deadlock between three pairs of hands.

“I don’t care!” cried Daniela, one arm curled around yours and her other hand reaching up to grab your opposite shoulder, locking you in. “I want her!”

You swallowed past your suddenly dry throat. The three sisters were not only talking about a possibility of keeping you around, but it sounded as though they were fighting over you. Your cheeks were aflame as you averted your eyes.

“Look who’s bashful all of a sudden,” jested Cassandra, both her hands falling to your hips. “Where’s all that talk now?”

“I can smell you blushing.” Daniela interjected, sniffing aloud and moaning. “You smell so good... we need to make you blush often.”

“Are we sure we can hide this from mother?” Bela asked one last time, almost like she was seeking permission from her younger sisters now. Daniela and Cassandra shrugged.

“We’ll just have to find out, now won’t we?” You pressed, looking to solidify your place among them... you’d take the position of “pet” over the one of “food” any day.

“Brave little thing,” Cassandra cooed, her fingers rubbing circles on your hips. “I need you with me.”

“Dammit I said it’s my turn!” snarled Bela, finally poking and prying at her sisters fingers locked around you.

“Just because you’re the oldest-!”

“You’re damn right I’m the oldest, and I-”

“You look so stupid,” spat Cassandra petulantly, having enough with going nowhere in the argument, and you could see that this was about to get old quick if you didn’t ease some of the tension.

“You all wanna kiss me so bad it makes you all look stupid.” You sucked your teeth between your lips when it grew deadly silent.

Bela had a crease between her brow as she stared at you in shock, uncertain if she heard you right. Cassandra was a blank slate as she absorbed you taking her insult and turning it back around on her as well. Daniela was wide eyed as she gaped at you for a full five seconds before she snorted and her megawatt smile lit up her entire face.

“I won’t let them get rid of you.” Daniela promised, and you couldn’t recall the last time that she blinked.

“Okay, okay,” sighed Bela, glaring at her sister. “We’re all going to keep her.”

“I hope I don’t break you.” chuckled Cassandra, and coupled with her breath so close to your ear, it had warmth flaring in the pit of your stomach.

“Don’t get bashful on me, now,” you smirked back, relishing in the giggles that surrounded you.

“Come along, plaything,” quipped Bela, winking at you as she dragged you along, the sisters following along with her this time. “We’ve got to show you your new home.”

Wild giggling echoed throughout the castle, and it was becoming your new favorite tune.

#bela dimitrescu #cassandra dimitrescu #daniela dimitrescu #lady alcina dimitrescu #lady dimitrescu's daughters #resident evil 8 #resident evil village #lady dimitrescu #lady dimitrescu’s daughters x reader #alcina dimitrescu

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ask-purpled-and-blued · 3 years

Text

Origins

He tried not to scream. Though he really wanted to.

When he got invited to this server, the main appeal was the powers he’d get.

He was thinking maybe the star one or he’d join Tubbo as a bee. They could vibe as a hive.

He wasn’t expecting to spawn in with one. The one no one else picked.

(—This one’s got Purpled being more than a little upset. Vague description of him dissociating and he’s just generally distressed for a lot of this one. Mind the post’s tags and reply if it needs more.—)

He wanted to screech and yowl and hiss at this bullshit. He wasn’t gonna stand for this.

Purpled: WILBUR

Tubbo: purpled!! :D

Purpled: WILBUR FUCKING SOOT GET YOUR ASS TO SPAWN RIGHT NOW

Smajor1995: oop

—

Wilbur was laughing.

His server had glitched Purpled’s origin and Wilbur had the audacity to laugh.

Wilbur’s server was about to be razed to the ground by an angry feline bedwars boy and he was laughing.

Purpled swing at him, growling when Wilbur just sunk into the ground. Flexing on him.

“Just fix it! I’ll take anything else, just change it before someone else sees me.”

Wilbur’s face popped up out of the ground to respond.

“Alright alright, sorry for taking the mick but-“

“Don’t even care, just do your weird admin shit.”

Wilbur’s torso piped out of the ground as he propped himself up and pulled up an admin screen. Purpled sat watching from his clump of long grass, peeking out towards where he could see signs of civilization.

He’d prefer to do this somewhere less risky, but he’d rather someone catch a glimpse and then see him swap than him not being able to-

“That’s odd.”

Purpled felt his stupid ears flick towards Wilbur even before he turned.

Wilbur was sitting on the grass now, several screens open as he copied and pasted something into an altered chat screen.

Purpled shouldn’t have, but he left the safety of his grass to have a look at what Wilbur was doing.

/origin set Purpled origins:shulker

[Could not replace “origin:feline” with “origin:shulker”.]

[”origin:shulker” is currently assigned to another player.]

No.

No no no no no no n o.

“You can’t change it?!”

He doesn’t care that he just screeched right in Wilbur’s ear, he’s fucking panicking.

“We can try an origin orb-“

“Do that!! Do it quick!”

Ranboo joined the game.

ItsFundy joined the game.

Oh, dragons above.

Please no.

He dove back into the grass like a fireball had been shot, desperate to make himself small and hard to spot.

He ran a hand through his hair but that just reminded him of his stupid fucking cat ears.

Not like this. Not like this.

He didn’t even look up when Wilbur passed him a round thing, just cling to it like a lifeline.

Hoping, wishing, praying-

“Is it working?”

Wailing.

“Wilbur, Wilbur I’m just gonna go home.”

He didn’t wanna see the look on Wilbur’s face, pulled up his menu and prepared to warp to Hypixel and repress this moment for the rest of his life-

“Purpled?”

He froze, even his unwanted features not daring to twitch in the hopes that he’d heard wrong.

That fucking Fundy wasn’t looking at him like Christmas came early.

“Fundy-“ Wilbur tried.

Fundy didn’t get the chance. Purpled fucking bolted out of the grass, across the clearing, and into the deeper woods.

—

He didn’t stop running, not even to sate a hunger that wasn’t there out of habit. Not even when he dropped to all fours to go faster.

Not even slowing when faced with ravines with drops that could drop him, the little caution towards heights basically gone.

He sprinted and jumped and dropped for thousands of blocks.

He finally stopped at the base of a mountain that was too steep even for him to jump. His claws not even scraping the stone.

He laid there, a boneless lump of despair at the base of a mountain in the middle of nowhere at sunset. Reflecting.

Then actively not thinking as he got up and started walking back.

—

He felt hollow. So carefully and intentionally empty of feeling as he walked around ravines and took the long way to avoid going into rivers and lakes.

If he didn’t think, he didn’t have to live it.

One step, another, another.

Crack a zombie’s skull against a tree, steal its carrots, and keep walking.

One step, another, another.

Pass by the distant torchlight of a village, moving further into the shadows to keep from being seen. Keep walking.

One step, another, one more.

Walk around the creeper and-

Wait what.

Purpled stumbles backwards in a conditioned response and throws himself behind a tree in the hopes that it will absorb the blast.

He waits, body tense and fur puffed up and heart racing. Waits for the hiss.

It never comes.

He knows he should count his blessing and just hoof it, but he can’t help it. He looks.

The creeper is stumbling away from the clearing and into the woods at a pace he rarely sees them move at.

He can’t help it, he follows.

He keeps his distance in case it turns around and decides it does wanna blow up, but every time it glances back it just tries to shuffle away faster.

Interesting.

He stops following.

And starts a chase.

—

There were several reasons why he hated this origin.

He didn’t choose it, it would ruin his image, and he generally just didn’t vibe with it.

That being said, it had its perks.

Sitting on a trembling and terrified creeper, adrenaline pumping and heart racing from the thrill of successful hunt and being so close to such a dangerous mob, he could see the appeal.

There was also the agility. He didn’t appreciate it as much when he was hauling ass from spawn, but on the way back he had time to play around a bit and test his limits.

Falling into the ravine had been startling, but the rush of emotions when he realized he’d landed entirely unharmed was something he was still unpacking.

It was as he tried climbing and mining his way out of that ravine that he realized the stone issue. Another reason to hate it.

But being able to see near perfectly at night and in the caves he used to find his way out was comforting and familiar in how it reminded him of his fullbright.

His hearing was sharper, his situational awareness increasing so much.

It wasn’t as bad as he thought it’d be to live with.

But he knew living with other people would be the problem.

—

And he hated being right.

First person to see him was Wilbur who apologized and promised he’d get it sorted.

Second person was Sneeg, who called him a fucking furry.

...

Purpled is gonna do so many crimes.

Purpled is gonna ally with Fundy and they’re gonna lowkey grief the fuck out of everyone else with creepers and thieving little paws.

Fundy until he gets respect and lots of shiny things.

Purpled until Wilbur can save his SMP by making him a shulker boy.

Until then, they’re criminals and partners.

What happens on this SMP stays on this SMP is their rule.

#lore post #text post #ask purpled and blued #origins!purpled #purpled #purpled bedwars #ask to tag #mcyt #osmp

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fandom-sheep · 3 years

Text

Eret 11 MAY 21

Cat and DSMP Part 1/1

Cat! Goose!

Goose my beloved.

Eret’s streaming very late for me again. So I’m not staying the whole time.

Hello Elaina. Enjoy Goose.

Fundy! Kinda...

Fundy hearing the donations. LOL.

Fundy enters a stream and it starts to scuffed. Scuffed just follows Fundy wherever he goes.

A wild my beloved on the cube.

The Drista stairs.

Wait what. Why is the tower gone?

I have missed some lore.

Ah... it’s part of the nightmare thing.

Eret offering Fundy housing like a good almost adoptive parent.

Sneeze? OH WOW SNEEZE.

Sounds like Fundy about lost a lung. Good gracious.

The bargaining between these two.

Cat, Handsome, said cube was massive

You know what that works.

It’s hard to keep the audio right for Eret’s stream for my headphones. It’s either too quiet or the loudest my headphones can go and my family can hear it.

On stream explosions. Noice.

Wow youtooz. Not super cool. Permission is usually a good thing.

Eret keeps on sizzling.

Getting dirt for scaffolding. Going old fashioned Minecraft for this.

“Why is the Cube kinda hot” cue Eret losing faith in her chats sanity.

Cube go poof.

Oh. Red stone. That’s dangerous.

I like this song. Oh klahoma. Gorgeous song.

Love joy is such a fun band. I want to make a plushy of the cat.

It’s kinda sad that Eret can’t see themselves the way chat and their little fandom sees them. Most all of us think they look fabulous.

Not Arson. Just bombing. A bit of anarchy by the king.

Demolition. Now there’s the word.

Controlled ish demolition.

Ah I’ve almost saved enough channel points for water. Nice. I’m not going to redeem it I’m just going to keep hoarding the points.

Flame Arrow. Nice.

Eret cleaning up the SMP eye sours.

Watch me attempt to sleep to Eret here in an hour or so, but keep getting distracted.

Explosion time.

Someone get ready to clip it.

Bye Bye Cube. Let’s go.

Gotta get a song that fits the vibe.

Hayloft. Time to go poof.

Turning up my brightness just to watch this explosion in the best way possible.

Still wearing the red dress I see.

I hope the music isn’t too loud to get this part muted.

Drum roll...

Drum roll continues...

Drum roll still going...

THERE GOES THE CUBE!

That was so smooth and good looking!

Overall a very good explosion.

Just a little bit of a hole in the other building.

Twitch Pr-

Poor being’s so confused with his hair. Someone help them.

Twitch bleep.

Everyone attempting to give hair styling advice. Everyone’s trying to help the being.

That bird is majestic. I remember seeing that tiktok.

Animals just decided Eret was the animal whisperer.

Yes! Disney Princess Eret fanart! Someone make it, I shall reblog all of it.

Likes to hug cute animals and cute animals like being hugged by her. Nice.

It’s alright. Names are difficult. I have to like put name tags on people to learn who they are. That or name tags on their space (like on campers bunks and door decs on dorms)

It does feel very February. But I’m very ready for summer because that means I get to do my favorite job.

Hooray. I hit 15k points.

Eret trying to prove to us a ponytail won’t work. Like we aren’t going to hype them up no matter what.

Gotta heart in the chat. All Eret’s chat does is hearts and encourage. It’s a lovely place.

Oh Eret forgot his cat ear sub goal. It’s alright I know I forgot.

Pride is next month. Nice.

Oh. We’re almost halfway already. Why does the world spin so quickly?

We forgot a dirt tower. Whoops.

I would wear Eret merch. I like it when people release merch around Christmas. Then I can ask for it as a gift.

Oh it wasn’t a dirt tower.

Just looking at Elaina’s stream in the stream selection screen it like very cozy.

All the way up the Drista stairs.

Look it’s the museum!

Eret’s got most of the builds around there. The museum. The fortress. Nice.

Some things are too historical to remove. Somethings are historical because they are being removed.

Oh no. L’sandburg.

It’s taking over the summer home.

Ah the lore is coming. It just seemed to be too early.

Hello unofficial ranboo Raiders.

Foolish making the awesome tall thingy!

Foolish’s builds are so neat. I want to watch Foolish’s streams more. Maybe just in the background but I start wanting to delayed liveblog and that requires attention.

Oh the giant portal turned out well. Sorry that was the lady’s foolish stream I watched.

Shulkers. The forbidden mob.

Eret with just a pit in the desert filled with llamas. Bones. And discus.

The mansion has been finished?

Alright is better than bad. It’s alright to be alright.

Lucky being not getting tired. I got the Johnson and Johnson vaccine and I was so so tired. I also had just no appetite.

Eret doing an smp tour. And looking at foolish’s builds.

Flickering the switch on the rainbow beacons.

Eret just knowing where everything is.

Kinoko is super pretty. Just for the aesthetic value of the kingdom I appreciate it.

Yeet. Just defenestrated himself out the window.

Oh? Spectator fly over the smp?

That would be really neat to like. Watch in VR. I think I’ve only used VR maybe twice.

Pretty Rainbow beacons.

The nurse who gave me my vaccine hid the needle from me because I mentioned to her that I was afraid of needles. It wasn’t a big deal at all.

30 minutes till I attempt sleep. Woo.

Goose my beloved. Someone make the gif because I’m not quite sure how to make it.

Oh yeah. Goose in Marvel. I hear MCU and think Minecraft cinematic universe. Not marvel.

Ghibli is so nice. It really romanticize small moments of life.

Yeah the characters are all really supportive in Ghibli movies.

Someone subbed for nine months “that’s enough to make a child” -Eret

That mansion is like a maze. I’m so lost already.

Everyone encouraging Eret and telling her she looks pretty. Good.

Eret needs all the hype and encouragement.

Antarctic empties flag. Yeah it does have a similar color pallet.

Michelle! Hello!

Fortress work. Nice.

Do it. I’ll listen the Eret play other games.

I don’t usually watch game play for non Minecraft games. But I’ll listen to it all.

Hbomb and Eret living in the same city feels like two worlds that shouldn’t meet. But it’s awesome that they have.

TOS means against twitches terms of service. Nice. Glad to finally have an explanation of what that means.

Look at our handsome and pretty streamer. All the hype.

I keep turning down the stream to hear the show my mama has on because I’m curious about what happens.

Yeah. Backseat gaming can be annoying. That’s part of why I share my thoughts here just in case I do start backseat gaming.

Almost to the sub goal. Hooray!

Ooo food.

No no. I see where they are coming from. Eret does give a bit of cat bus vibes. I can’t explain it but the vibes are there.

Creeper causing issues at the fortress.

Ed Sheepran my beloved.

I should draw more ferrets. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe I’ll draw us doing stuffs.

Actually I kinda want to make a little animatic of some heels walking across the screen followed by a hoard of ferrets. I think it’ll look cool. But I need the artistic ability and the ability to not scream making that.

Woop. Ad time. Off to the void of where ever the ads game me.

OH THE NEW VOID LOOKS COOL!

Bread. Flowers. Ted. Crown. And of course Eret.

We V O I D and get our streamer bits.

Hush the chat is V O I D and the occasional emoji or emote.

The void being centered looks good. Maybe that’s just the symmetry speaking but it’s good.

Oh. We hear the being. The being in void mode. And spooky mode.

Chat just starts yelling corpse.

Hydration. I try to stay hydrated. But I fail often if I’m not doing something active.

Tree!

Casually makes and snags tree.

Eret does read chat often. It’s strange. And it is weird how often it ends up being you.

You can tell I’m a tumblr peep. I may say stuff in chat but I’m fully not expecting or wanting to be noticed by the streamer.

Others hitting darkness o’clock and saying goodnight.

It’s sleep to the stream hours y’all. Whoop.

I need to visit the parks out west. I’ve only really seen the eastern US ones. But I have been to the Great Smokey Mountain park which is gorgeous.

Eret thinking of his friends triggers when naming his cat.

Eret’s builds are so casually pretty. Not like Foolish’s which are intricately pretty. Not like Phil’s or Sam’s which are complicated pretty. All pretty. Just different breeds of pretty.

Alrighty. It’s sleepy hours for me. As much as I love Eret I want to read some fanfiction and daydream a bit before I head to sleep.

Have a good rest everyone and may all your coming meals be delicious.

Wait no is it our turn with goose?

OUR TURN WITH GOOSE!

Eret honey that’s the ceiling.

Cat stream. Cat stream.

Sleepy kitty. A cat cam would be good.

Yeah. That happens with cats. Especially strays.

Goose captured the computer mouse.

Goose straight up chose Eret and Elaina.

Goose really just chose not to leave.

Oh my stream connection is acting sad. But I want Goose content.

I want to draw Goose now.

Maybe I’ll do water color for Goose. I know I tried to do that with Boots (Fundy’s cat)

Hopefully there will be some Goose face screenshots I can see. Maybe I can see him well in the Tiktok.

Artists just violently refusing payment. Sounds about right. The MCYT artists just kinda go “yeah give credit and we cool”

Cowboy cat. Nice.

I want to paint Goose in the cowboy hat.

Hype train! That we are zooming.

Bucket sponge?

WATER BUCKET FROM WET SPONGE! Tiktok people giving all the cool info.

Go Goose. Catch the computer mouse and the screen mouse.

Just sitting here at 11:30 at night getting screen shots of Goose for painting purposes.

Goose please. Look at the camera babe.

My phone is dying. And I can’t charge it and type.

Alright the camera is off the cat. The cat is also blocking the screen.

But no cat on camera means I’m getting some sleep. If I do any of the projects I’ve mentioned I’ll let y’all know.

Have a good rest everyone.

#eret #dream smp #dsmp #dsmp eret #why must this being stream so late #goose the cat #erets cat #delayed liveblogging

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thewindsofsong · 3 years

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Ok ok ok!!! So last night I had a dream that I rec’ed a dmbj/svsss crossover fanfic, but never actually read the fic. Then I woke up because my cat was yowling in the middle of the night.

After talking with @1ebilcat and @merinnan for a while, I managed to flesh out a basic outline of what that fic might look like. Please know that because this is a crossover with svsss, there is papapa mentioned. several times.... (nothing actually explict is described because that would make this not a not-fic)

So one day SQQ and SQH are messing around trying to figure out what this new “unique one of a kind treasure” does when SQH accideny drops some melon seeds on it or something and it suddenly activates.

Meanwhile in dmbj world, the Iron Triangle are pretty much retired from the whole tomb raiding business, but still run Wushanju (better now that wu xie actually concentrates on running it instead of running off every week). Someone comes in with a strange artifact that they found while clearing out a deceased relatives store room they want to sell. Wu xie buys it because he’s never seen anything like it before and wants to research it.

Xiaoge gets super weird vibes from the object, but it doesn’t seem overtly menacing, so he leaves wu xie be (if wu xie is preoccupied he gets in marginally less trouble). However, when xiaoge touches the object with wu xie and Pangzi nearby, it grows a point and gives xiaoge a paper cut. The blood touches the object and it activates.

One blinding flask of light and disorienting tumble latter, they find themselves at the foot of a picturesque mountain with a gate that labels them at the foot of cang qiong mountain. They’re quickly found by the cang qiong crew and everyone is super weird out by each other. Things happen and eventually LBH crashes in and says his shizun is missing mobei-jun is there too because SQH is also missing. More communication happens and everyone realizes this is the artifact’s fault. No one knows where the artifact is.

Meanwhile SQQ and SQH wake up someone completely unfamiliar to either of them. After using magic to light things up, they see that they are in a tomb absolutely covered in different depictions of penises: there’s pictures on the walls, statues of men with WAY TOO BIG penises, sooooo many dildos. Queue SQQ immediately launching himself at SQH with a shriek of outrage because “THERE’S NO WAY THIS ISN’T YOUR FAULT YOU SHITTY HACK AUTHOR!!”

Back with the iron triangle, there’s a research montage going on as they and other CQ sect member scour the libraries for any information about the mcguffin that caused all this randomness. At some point in all of this, iron triangle go to MQF to see if he can take a look at Xiaoge regarding his memory problems. After some more research, MQF learns about an herb that could stabilize his qi and stabilize the fluctuations that cause his amnesia.

Turns out that while proper cultivation doesn’t exist in dmbj world, the Zhang family line has managed to cultivate the family line to extended life but because they’re the only ones that can (maybe due to bronze gate?) it has a lot of dangers.

The herb needed is of course incredibly rare and only found in some horribly dangerous location. Xiaoge wants to go alone because he doesn’t want wu xie and pangzi to be in danger, but knows that they won’t be left behind. There’s some agnst had about how Xiaoge feels he’s brought pain and suffering to wu xie and pangzi, but of course neither of them are having any of it. The three of them talk about how they’ve never regretted meeting each other and how the adventures they’ve shared have brought meaning and joy into their lives.

The three of them cobble together some hotpot and spend the night before setting off soaking their feet side by side, content and secure in their bonds with each other. Its very sweet.

The next day, the three of them set off with LQG and LBH. Right before arriving at the location, bullshit happens and Iron Triangle get trapped in the location where the herb is located and trigger a wife plot in which papapa is the only way out. Iron triangle proceeds to have incredibly kinky marathon sex. LBH and LQG can only listen awkwardly from the boundary, not able to get through, but also not wanting to leave completely just in case something else happens. The sexual tension between LBG and LQG grows to new heights. Neither will do anything about it until SQQ is back home safe.

After the marathon is over and iron triangle has time to actually sleep, the three of them get cleaned up with the herb in tow and head back to Cang Qiong. They get the herb to MQF who tells them it will take at least a day to prepare the pill for xiaoge to take. That night, Iron triangle has sweet, tender, affirming sex because while they all agree that while xiaoge not losing his memories every few decades is for the better, it also means that he’ll have to carry the memories of wu xie and pangzi long after they’er gone, with no hope of them ever being together again. Xiaoge assures wu xie and pangzi that this is what he wants, to know that at least at some point, he loved and was loved, that he had a connection to this world and that his life has meaning beyond his obligations to the Zhang clan. Wu xie and pangzi make xiaoge promise to live on after they pass and to find him in their next lives.

Xiaoge takes the pill and the search for a way back home continues again in earnest. Eventually, LBH travels back to the demon realm and figures out how to track the artifact through space and time because his protag halo is too strong to keep him away from his love interest for too long.

Wu xie and pangzi learn some basic meditation techniques that disciples would learn when first arrive at the mountain. Its too late for them to cultivate to longevity and there’s no guarantee that its even possible in their home world to cultivate if you aren’t a Zhang. Regardless, wu xie and pangzi don’t want immortality, they just want to spend as much time as they can with xiaoge. Wu xie is gifted a flute made with special bamboo and pangzi is gifted a wine jug from Zui Xian Peak. Both have spiritual properties that may or may not be able to function when back home, but they’er good gifts given in good faith.

LBH, losing patience, forces iron triangle to get moving so he can save SQQ. He bursts through time and space and iron triangle plus LBH, MBJ, and LQG end up in dmbj world, in Wushanju. After scaring the crap out of Wang Meng, the group realizes that while several days have passed in svsss world, its only been a few hours since iron triangle was pulled away. Which is good because Ershu was likely to call in an army if wu xie went missing for no apparent reason. The whole thing would have been way too messy. Probably more than one person would have died.

What follows is a night of LBH, LQG, and MBJ attempting different divination spells to try and pin point the exact location of SQQ and SQH to varying degrees of success. None of them are good at divination. Regardless, the three of them manage to get a general location of where the two missing peak lords might be and the iron triangle gets to work searching the internet for any rumors or information of any tombs that might be in the area. (Its just wu xie and pangzi looking, but xiaoge standing around still in his beautiful borrowed robes from CQ is good moral support.)

They hear about some local legends about an ecentric noble from a bygone era that was buried in a very peculiar tomb. Potential tomb located, the whole group prepares to head out. the SVSS gang is convinced to not fly over immediately because that would be waaaaay to flashy and draw unwanted attention to them that would delay things even more. The six of them cram in together into the van and head off. Svss gang are forced into modern clothing and are def a little too big to comfortably sit in the van. LBH hits his head on a doorway at least once on this adventure. At lease two women and maybe a guy slip their numbers to him too. The man is supernaturally gorgeous.

After some more road trip shenanigans, they arrive at the rumored entrance to the tomb and head in. The tomb has a few traps here and there, but is practically child’s play for the iron triangle to get through. Svsss are appropriately impressed by their competence and LBH and LQG think specifically about how the iron triangle is a true threesome that supports each other and fights together. MBJ just wants his hamster boy back.

When they near the central chamber of the tomb, they hear the faint sounds of fighting which spurs SVSSS to speed ahead while iron triangle tries to get them to at least be a little cautious about setting off traps.

The sight that LBH sees when he breaks into the main chamber like the kool aid man is a disheveled SQQ beating SQH over the head with a baton? Kind of. Its a baton carved into the shape of a penis. SQQ immediately stops and tries to put on his “peerless immortal cultivator” mask on with a flick of his fan, but its hard for that to be effective when your hair is all over the place and your in a room covered in penises. SQH dives for his king’s thighs and cries in relief that he’s no longer trapped in a room full of dildos and penises with SQQ.

Then the iron triangle catches up and the realization that SVSSS gang is in modern clothing sinks in. The transmigrators freeze for just a second before jumping in front of iron triangle with a thousand questions. They ask in their shitty English which leaves answering the questions mostly to wu xie because pangzi’s english is pretty spotty and xiaoge doesn’t like talking in general, let alone a foreign language.

The whole group eventually leaves the tomb and all its phallic glory behind and get above ground where there’s phone service again. After a bit of searching, the transmigrators realize that while this world is very similar to their original world, there’s no signs of “Proud Immortal Demon Way” ever being written here, no other signs pointing to the two of them existing in this world. SVSS gang are very concerned as they watch SQQ and SQH talk in a strange language to these relative strangers, but don’t feel like its the time to figure out whats going on until everyone gets back home. The now expanded group makes their way back to Wushanju in an even more cramped road trip back. SQQ absolutly ends up in LBH’s lap at least once and SQH ends up with MBJ’s head in his lap at some point. its all very cute as the feeling of everyone being accounted for and safe settles in.

Maybe there’s some stuff about SQQ and SQH being transmigrators and them being tempted for all of half a second to stay in this world that is so very much like their original world but choosing to go back with their lovers and the lives they’ve made for themselves.

As the complete SVSSS gang now gets ready to head back home, the Iron triangle makes a huuuuge goody bag of all the snacks and treats that SQQ and SQH have been missing ever since they’ve transmigrated and put together a basic netbook plus solar charger for them to take back. There won’t be internet service back in SVSS world, but they loaded it up with a whooole bunch of web novels and pop songs, along with a few spare parts.

SVSSS gang finally makes their way home after having a large farewell dinner at Wushanju at Pangzi’s insistence and LBH bullies his way into helping out. Its a very sweet scene of laughing and drinking. After dinner is done, SVSSS decide to go back immediately because the time dilation thing would mean they would be away for longer than they would like.

Once back home, LBH, SQQ, and LQG have a confrontation/conversation about their relationships with each other and figure out if they want to try being all together, all three of them. MBJ confines SQH to his northern palace. Specifically their bedroom. He was also the one that remembered to grab the artifact that caused all these problems to begin with while everyone else was distracted by dildo tomb.

Iron triangle goes back to their retirement, at peace with the decisions they’ve made and the lives they’ve chosen to live.

THE END!!!

#dmbj #svsss #the lost tomb reboot #iron triangle #wu xie #wang pangzi #zhang qiling #shen qingqiu #lou binghe #if you cant tell i like polyships a lot #i just want everyone to be happy together #i made myself sad writing part of this #oh god this is so much longer than i thought it would be #feel like this is a little light on the svsss side of things #but the current fixation is dmbj so its not that surprising #this is 2000 words of not-fic #my writing

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kaiju-z · 3 years

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Seon Adventures, Episode 34: The Journey to Tutum

When last we left off our adventurers, the party had prevented a duel to the death between Mournimar and a duelist, hired by his ex-boyfriend, follower of Potencia Lazarus, rescued a talking Celestial Warlock Dog named Samson by brutally overkilling a group of deserters from the war and reached the border of Aetorumia and the neighbouring lands.

In the evening, while Malak confronted Luctan over his past behavior and gifted him an Orb of Direction, Samson the Corgi nearly escaped with his life, avoiding a fight with the spirits ithat dwelled within the well he attempted to steal money from. In the morning, Malak would express his displeasure in the party’s actions against the ex-soldiers, empasionately as Malak would allow himself demanding that they could and should do better than this, before also gifting them items of their own.

A Pipe Of Rememberence for Jun, a Handy Spice Pouch for Belli and a Pot Of Awakening for Mournimar. He would then finish his meal outside, before the five + Samson would reconvene on their journeys...

To everyone’s surprise, however, at some point, while Malak bought a map, Luck made a 7 gold coin offering at the shrine and the rest restocked any provisions they might have sacrificed on the journey so far, Samson had trotted off on his own little adventure. A one dog army~!

After paying the Innkeeper handsomely for her food and donating for her establishment’s futue, the party would get in their carriage and, led by Kevin and Killer, make their way out the border town, their eyes taking in the massive expands of sands and dunes. No structures in sight, Malak being quite familiar to it. Having known this shit and the thought he’d said goodbye to it coming back to haunt him.

Before the group could leave on their weeks long journey, a laugh would catch their ears and as they’d turn their heads in the direction of the amused fellow, they’d see an aged orange haired man with a shit eating grin, making japes at the group for traveling as they appeared. In plates and leathers and all that sort of stuff.

Questioning the scarred man’s attitude, the party would note that he appeared off-proportioned in a way. Somewhat dwarven, but much taller. A Half-Dwarf!

While Jun asks him if he could guide them, which he planned to offer his services for the very pricey 2 PIECES OF GOLD FOR EACH SIDE OF THE TREK, Malak would recognize his colors as being of the Galorum army. Old enemies of Aeterumia, during the war. But to Malak, that was old news. Yesterday’s enemy was today’s ally and all that.

With a wooden leg and a confident demeanor, Arryn, as he introduces himself to the party and they back to him, appeared to be the kinda guy who just hopes for work. And work he finds as the party accept him on this long journey, to guide them and keep them from walking off the path.

It pretty quickly sets in on the team just how hot it can be in the desert. And the air itself was so thick. Extra THICK, even! It felt like there was led in the air or some thing at later evenings they’d spend out in the open. Temperatures being like under a blanket, but also nasty and humid.

The guide would mention it being left over bad energy from the war. The area is inflicted with the worst vibes. The vibes that took Arryn’s leg.

Days would pass. Weeks even as the group advanced through the dunes, past hills and rocks and rocks and small mountains around them, generally peacefully, with the exclusion of any foul business. Sure enough, Arryn was a trusted guide through these parts, getting them through the sands, to some more solid areas of rock and gravel.

The walk was a lot more even and paced from there, with the obvious dunes carrying on in the distance, but something would catch the travelers’ attention. Bones. They’d see lots of bones. Almost like a trail of them, leading to this sheer clear cliff face.

Investigating them, Malak would note that they were weirdly in tact, some of them. Dead and untouched. But there’s kind of a little curve around the corner, where the bone trail leads… He’d pick up a skull and cast “Speak With Dead”

“EYY!” the awoken skull would commence.

And the questions and answers would begin.

1. “How did you die?”- “Well, I was walking, right? And then there was this hot and cold stuff. And then it was just everywhere and it was really hot? And there was this big flappy beast behind me.”

2. What were you doing out here?” “Me and my friends were following a trail of bones and figured whatever did this’gotta be guarding some good shit.”

3. “Were you being guided by a peg legged man?” –“No, we didn’t get a guide. We thought it was a waste of treasure and had to share.”

4. “Did you have anything on you?” “I mean, we had our weapons and armor.”

5. “Is there anyone you’d like informed?” – “If me mate Chaz made it, he’s probably back at Havik by now.”

With the air of life leaving the skull, Malak would update the crew on his findings. From there, Jun would elect to poke the distracted Bard and suggest she send Orion to investigate the inner sanctum of the bone yard.

Orion slinks off and his body shrinks into the size of a normal cat, much to Belli’s amusement and the rest’s shock and awe.

He sneaks around the corner. Belli looks through his eyes. What happens is that he turns the corner and there’s this huge mammoth bone. Think elephant graveyard. He walks under that and he does a perceive... He steps out into the open, looks back where he came from and then Belli notices that the ground gets further away.

A pause. And poof. He’s gone.

Mournimar sneaks in, next, with a rope around his waist and careful maneuvering, feeling unseen as he makes his way through the yard, while Malak casts Aid on Arryn and the ladies. As the low armored part of the team.

With a careful eye, Mournimar sees the source of all these corpses. And as the Rogueish Ranger would raise his head up, the others would follow suit. And sea an Adult Blue Dragon, staring confusedly at his clawed mits, wondering where his quick little meal went. A great big fuck off blue dragon.

Electing to avoid a fight with the dragon, for now, the group would carefully maneuver their way back to the carriage and do a big twist to avoid being directly seen by the dragon as they’d carry on and cross a river, along the way..

One evening, during shifts, Luctan taking the first... the disguised tiefling would wake Jun and ask her for her presense during his watch. The two would hold a private conversation, regarding Jun’s offer to hear him out, where they’d discuss the matter of trust, personal insecurities and pain, the understanding of pain and treatment of pain... Capping things off with a genuine interest in learning how to carry on, after a tragedy, something which the unmasked red tiefling had trouble getting to terms with.

By the end of the 1st watch, Luctan and Jun would come to an understanding and carry on with talks when the time allowed it. But until then, Luck would wake Mournimar to follow through with the second sentry outlook, while he rested.

Mournimar’s watch would be uneventful, compared to what had occured in his dreams... Something he’d share with Belli, when the first signs of morning would come up.

The enthusiastic cook would poke for information, which the Tiefling Ranger would share, regailing Belli with a tale of his dream, wherein he was visited, or more like... found himself in Jorzoth’s office. One of the Archdevils had brought him in for a 1 on 1 pow-wow, where in he’d inform the archer of Lazarus’ intentions with the duelist.

Lazarus had intened, through this duel, for Mournimar to best his contractor as a means to check in on his ex.

...

To say that this is a weird way of checking on your ex, would be an understatement. And yet, that was the story he’d tell, through bites of an omlette.

In Mournimar’s own words, the break up and Potencia really changed him. Lazarus? He’s someone in need of praise. He used to be good and he was never like this before Potencia. There were... clear regrets there, in Mournimar’s mind and heart.

But Belli would protest to this thinking as you can’t change someone, who doesn’t want to change. While Mournimar doesn’t want him to be like how Mournimar was as a child, Belli reminds her friend that Lazarus is an adult, It’s his choice to make.

Breakfast is had amongst the group and Arryn remarks that this is the best hospitality he’s had. Ever.

From there? They’d venture forth and Malak tries to call Chaz. With a D100 he Sends a message to the dude. He gives him the full story, as best as possible. Chaz is sad, but the funeral was done already. He regets the nasty stuff he’s said over the year. But is greatful. Godspeed!

Drawing near to a river, Luctan would give Belli her pot. Like. Literal pot that had been in his posession for about a month now, give or take. Within one of the ceramic pots there were 10 silver ball bearings, each spelling a letter in Belli’s name.

And in turn, Belli would give Luck 5 smoke bombs. And she’d even show him her stash of a variety of bombs. Which she had been planning on using with the help of Orion as a dive bomber.

Stupified by his friend’s madcap ideas, Luck would be quiet for the most part during the next part of the journey as they’d cross over the river on a bridge and go through a town, populated by kobolds of different scales.

Initially weary of the group, they’d soon enough relax and observe, even follow them along as the party carried on through the town, when Malak appied his knowledge of the Draconic tongue, holding a friendly conversation with the locals, while Luck used his Prestidigitation to create funny images and smells for the kids.

As the town of Odum generally doesn’t generally get visitors, the party are kind of a treat to them. Through the talk, a kind of friendship forms with the Kobold settlement and the party learn that the dragon of the desert was quite the nasty one. Every time they’d send someone over to check what his demeanor was, they’d have to send another one, to check as well, because no one ever came back.

Mental note.

In the midst of this conversation, Jun would make friends with two of the littlest kobold kids, who’d climb on her and ask her all kinds of questions. Like why her face was the way it was. She’d happily use her shapeshifting power to appear like a Golden Dragonborn, much to the kids’ amusment.

With friendship in their heardts, the party would eventually carry on, venturing forth! Arryn would warn them that the next week is just gonna be desert. There’s a lake at some point, but that’s our lot.

While the week’s travel carries on, Belli shows off her vocal skills as she speaks in a few new languages she had picked. Among which was Dwarven, much to Luck’s shock. And frustration. ‘cause it took him 3 years to learn that on his own!

(”What? Like it’s hard.”)

Arryn, however, upon hearing Belli speak in Dwarven turns pale. When asked if he’s ok, the half-dwarf would reveal that anyone’d be shocked on hearing a nearly dead language.

In one day the dwarves and dragonborn in the area died off. Green evil magic took then down. Arryn survived, because he is part human. Malak knows this to be the effect of the Blight spell, but on a major level.

Jun suggests Steamroot to help with the pain. Her partner was hit with that spell and it had helped manage that. Arryn’s greatful for the suggestion.

They’d venture forth, once more, parallel to the main road. Mournimar asks about why we’re not on the main road. Bad things, ghosts, appear on the main road. Ghosts of the Dragonborn, particularly dangerous spirits. Spirits are his expertise and avoiding them is where the expertise is at.

One particular night, deep into their expedition, Arryn asks them over a warm evening meal where exactly they were headed. Not to Tutum itself, right?

The party reveal some of what they’re after, but that seems to be more than enough for Arryn to put 2 and 2 together.

“Of course, it’d make sense for them to eventually send someone to clean their tracks.” he’d remark, which in turn would push the party to question him on what he meant.

Arryn would say that it was never confirmed, but implied that the Council was involved in what happened to the dwarves and dragonborn. According to him, as he’d elaborate on events from the battle, as he was a soldier at the time, two dragons were in on the plan. One was dragged off to Guan and the other slain by the King’s Blade, which was burried within the tomb, onward.

Before anyone can stop her, a furious Belli’d send a message to River, demanding answers that she wasn’t even sure of the Halfling would have.

A hurt River would reply back with as much as she claimed to know, which was that this was a private job being done for a benefactor she couldn’t disclose. Upset, she’d question if Belli mistrusted her now?!

A debate is held on how to proceed.

Ultimately, the party agree to go talk to the sword and get the facts straight. From there they’d see where they’d go..

Arryn would remark with surprise on how quickly they’d trust what he had to say had any truth to it.

As the journey continued, they’d avoid the ghost town. Like. Town of ghosts. And keep going and going to a cave with funky carving.

There are carvings of a Tiefling with a big, big chonky sword. Fighting a dragon. An outline of an army that kind of fades and half of them disappear...

Underneath this is this really fine intricate dwarven lettering and runes. As we get to the shrine, we end the session.

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mobius-prime · 4 years

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145. Sonic the Hedgehog #80

If Wishes Were Acorns

Writer: Karl Bollers Pencils: James Fry Colors: Frank Gagliardo

So, what exactly has happened to Amy? What did she use the mystical, wish-granting Ring of Acorns to wish for? Why, to become older of course - because if she's older then people will take her more seriously!

So this is essentially how the comics resolved the issue of Amy originally being very young, but now suddenly needing a redesign and an excuse to act older - they literally just magicked her older. Specifically, she's physically about sixteen now, despite being ten years old in actual age. Of course this is kind of an insane decision for the reasons Sonic points out above, but then again, ten year olds aren't known for their stellar decision-making skills. Despite the fact that by all accounts she should be mentally still ten, the comic actually treats her like a full teenager from now on aside from small references to her true age here and there. I guess her maturity is just assumed to follow the same rules as OoT Link's or something - perhaps the ring also gave her that extra six years of mental maturation or something, I dunno. Regardless, she's gotten her wish and is now allowed to come along on the mission, though perhaps not for the reasons she initially wanted.

As everyone prepares to leave, Sally steps into her mother's storage room to say her goodbyes, hoping that her mother can hear her speak even though she's still in a coma. Outside, Sonic's own parents try to say goodbye to him as well, but he refuses to actually say the word "goodbye," seeming downcast.

Nice to see Mina again - she's not getting a lot of screentime these first few issues, but she'll become a bigger character as time goes on. Everyone groups up on Knothole's makeshift airfield, and Nate explains that the Hidden City of the Ancients is inhabited by five-fingered Overlanders instead of the usual four-fingered ones like himself. Wait, what? So this is a weird plot detail that hasn't been touched on at all yet, but if anyone has been paying attention, all Overlanders, including the original Robotnik (but not the current one), have usually been portrayed with four fingers. I say usually because it varies wildly between issues - both for Overlanders, and for Mobians. For example, lately Sally has often been portrayed with four fingers, but later on in the series she gains a fifth, and it's entirely inconsistent between issues due to changing artists and canons. For now, just take the comic's word for it that Overlanders usually have four fingers, while these other ones apparently have five. As the king, watching over the departure, reassures Elias that they'll still be able to find a cure for the queen even without the Ring of Acorns, the group takes off, Sonic and Tails in the newly-rebuilt Tornado, and everyone else in the shuttle the Freedom Fighters always use. Soon they find themselves coming up on a strange mountain in the distance…

It's hard to imagine how this city has apparently remained so hidden that many think it's a myth - that thing looks like a siren's call to any intrepid explorer. Apparently somehow this thousands-of-years-old airplane managed to survive the ravages of time and nature, paint and all, with nary a scratch to be seen. Nate suspects that the survivors of the ancient crash took shelter inside the mountain's caves, discovering they went very deep. Everyone takes a mine cart further inside, and at the end of it, they find themselves bedazzled by the sigh of an entire metropolitan city underground…

Land Fall

Writer: Ken Penders Pencils: Steven Butler Colors: Frank Gagliardo

Knuckles has rushed to Haven to find out why the other members of the Brotherhood didn't see Robotnik's assault coming. Thunderhawk was apparently the one on duty when it happened, and blames Hunter's sabotage of their systems for disabling any early warning they may have gotten. However, they did capture images of Robotnik during the attack, and in fact still have him on their video feed.

No, you know what, shut up Locke. And Knuckles, good on you! It's about time you stood up to the Brotherhood and your father and told them what ignorant idiots they were being. This is the biggest case of "I told you so" in the entire comic. They refuse to help Sally and her kingdom fight against Robotnik, and not even a week later he comes in, blasts apart the Chaos Chamber, shatters the only thing keeping their island aloft, and releases Mammoth Mogul back into the world to boot. Locke gives me strong vibes of that type of middle-aged asshole who refuses to let someone younger than them tell them off because they don’t want to admit to being wrong. Knuckles has every right to be angry and shame the entire Brotherhood into rethinking their stupid isolationist policies, despite Locke's insistence that they did what they did "for the greater good." Thunderhawk tries to agree, but Knuckles ignores them and heads out to trail Robotnik and hopefully find out what he's planning next.

Meanwhile, outside, Vector, Mighty and Julie-Su are examining the crater left behind by Robotnik's drilling venture. They don't know it's him yet, so they spend some time speculating, wondering if it's perhaps the work of the Dark Legion.

They race to find Espio and are first shocked by the fact that the island is floating in the water (did you guys completely not notice the eight mile drop earlier or something?). They then notice Espio, handcuffed and being led along by some very large and vicious-looking kitties, who he nervously introduces as their new "neighbors." I'm sure this bodes well…

Swallowing Trouble

Writer: Ken Penders Pencils: Jim Valentino Colors: Frank Gagliardo

Have you ever lain awake at night and thought to yourself, "Gee, there's nothing more I want out of life than to see the story of Big the Cat and Froggy as told by Ken Penders"? Well boy oh boy, you're in luck, because that's exactly what you're getting! Unlike in the games and anime, where Froggy is literally just an ordinary frog, apparently in this universe he's a fully sapient being in his own right, thinking in complex thought to himself throughout the story. Froggy wakes up in the middle of the night to some strange noises, and tries to rouse Big, who carries on snoring. Thus, Froggy leaps away to investigate for himself, finding a moving puddle of water and deciding he needs to drink it immediately in perhaps the most uncomfortable series of panels imaginable.

Big awakens shocked to find that his friend now has a tail and is acting strange and ignoring him, and before he can move closer to investigate, a red and yellow robot appears from amongst the trees and scoops Froggy up. This alarms Big, who moves closer to demand his friend's release, and proceeds to blame the robot for his hand hurting after he punches it.

Bro, I'm sorry, but you punched a freaking robot! What did you expect, a gentle caress on the knuckles? The robot scurries off with its new prize, and Big picks himself up and lumbers after it, determined to get his friend back. And thus, the stage is (halfway) set for our upcoming adventure! How much weirder can this adaption get, you ask? Tune in for the next issue to find out!

#nala reads archie sonic preboot #archie sonic #archie sonic preboot #sonic the hedgehog #sth 80 #writer: karl bollers #writer: ken penders #pencils: james fry #pencils: steven butler #pencils: jim valentino #colors: frank gagliardo

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kimabutch · 5 years

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JLCR: kimabutch edition

To celebrate somehow reaching 1000 songs on Jam Like Critical Role, the giant fan-created playlist that I’ve been curating since February, I’ve decided to put together a mini-playlist of own, featuring two of my favourite songs for each member of Vox Machina and The Mighty Nein! Each song has a YouTube link, but you can find the whole mini-playlist on Spotify here.

By mini-playlist I meant that there are “only” 36 songs, and also that I’ve pulled out my favourite lines and explained why I associate the song with them, so that this whole thing is approximately 5400 words long. I tried to restrain myself, but, well, Jam Like Critical Role is a testament to my lack of self-restraint. If it helps, I’ve tried to incorporate a diversity of artists, eras, and genres, from folk-punk to techno, country, dream-pop, classical, and beyond. I hope you find something you enjoy.

Grog

We’re Going To Be Friends, Jack Johnson (cover of White Stripes), for Grog and Pike’s incredibly wholesome childhood friendship. While many of the lyrics describe friends at school, which is not totally accurate for them, I can just imagine the two weirdos playing among the bugs:

“Walk with me, Suzy Lee/ Through the park and by the tree/ We can rest upon the ground/ And look at all the bugs we’ve found”

Not to mention Pike teaching Grog his ABCs:

“Tonight I’ll dream while in my bed/ While silly thoughts run through my head/ Of the bugs and alphabet”

I just love these two silly monstahs.

Giant, Juno Reactor: to balance out that last song, have some techno that makes me want to yell “Vox Machina, Fuck. Shit. UP!” and split Kevdak in half with a nat 20 from the sky. Appropriately named for our goliath friend, this song always temporarily convinces me that I, too, am a seven foot tall barbarian (which is not recommended while you are trying to do anything that requires brainpower.)

Keyleth

I Lost Myself, Lauren Mann and The Fairly Odd Folk, for Keyleth’s self-doubt about whether she can do her Aramente (or whether she even wants to) and fear that she’s hurting everyone:

“I’ve got voices in my head Making me think that this is where I end Hey, what do you see, if anything What do you see in me”

This specifically reminds me of her Aramente, and how it taught her so much more than she was expecting:

“You and me we made a plan To travel from here to there and back again Somewhere on that weathered road I found the dreams that I’d been looking for”

And “Hey, we’ve got the world to see/ So let’s forget our anxieties and get on our way” makes me think of Keyleth and Percy’s friendship, and how both of their stories are about trying to figure out what to do once you’ve achieved your goals. I want to think that after the story ended, they were still occasionally able to leave behind their responsibilities and travel the world together.

Take Us Back, Alela Diane, for a post-canon Keyleth, reminiscing on the old days and eventually outliving the rest of Vox Machina. I get a strong image of Kiki coming down from Zephra to see her friends:

“Atop the crags and cliffs the air is thin/ So we’ll find a mountain path on down the hill/ Meet me where the snowmelt flows/ It is there, my dear, where we’ll begin again”

And of her listening to Scanlan’s music, centuries later; they’d be the last two alive: “I’ve a friend who lives out by the river’s mouth/ He knows the fiddle’s cry is an old sound”

And then Keyleth, alone, listening to a river’s gurgle or the wind’s howling, and almost thinking she hears her friends: “Muted voices, just beyond/ The silent surface of what has gone.”

Percival

The Devil Spoke Here, Chicken Little, which I think is actually about the aftermath of a protest, but which I feel works eerily well for Percy’s development following the Briarwood arc. The beginning reminds me of his guilt, feelings of brokenness, and anger issues after he’s cast out Orthax — right down to his guilt about guns:

“There’s bullets in the streets/ and broken dishes on the floor/ enough anger in my heart/ to take the blame for it all/ I could take every bullet back/ if I could never feel like that”

It also covers Percy’s realization, after his conversation with the Raven Queen, that he’s free from the judgment of the gods, and acceptance that he’s the one who has bad thoughts for the greater good:

“I have no god for guidance/ still I’m praying all the same/ may everything I do/ be done for everybody’s gain”

And then this, for a reason that I can’t quite explain, feels so much like Percy’s forgiveness of Ripley at Glintshore, and his death at her hand:

“May we always fail/ with the best of intentions/ with our hearts always pure/ and our souls only human”

Wandering Star, Portishead: the weird trip hop vibe to this song somehow feels appropriate to Percy, and in particular to his darkest thoughts. The song addresses the possible punishments for these thoughts: “Wandering stars, for whom it is reserved/ The blackness, the darkness, forever.” It helps that this is an allusion to a Bible passage about atheists.

The second verse makes me think both of Percy’s relationship to the concept of eternity (because of the “needle’s eye” — a parable about the entrance of heaven for the rich) and his raven mask:

“Those who have seen the needle’s eye, now tread Like a husk, from which all that was, now has fled And the masks that the monsters wear To feed, upon their prey”

Additionally, “Doubled up inside/ Take a while to shed my grief” is reminiscent of Percy’s revelation, in the last episode, that he just really fucking misses his family. This whole time, something inside of him has been curled up into a little ball like the teenager he was five years ago, grieving his family.

Pike

Holy, Jamily Woods: a song about self-love and self-assurance, underscored by Christian imagery:

“Though I walk through the darkest valley I will fear no love/ Oh my smile my mind reassure me I don’t need no one […] Woke up this morning with my mind set on loving me”

Many of the lyrics can be interpreted either as the singer being self-sufficient because her god is there — or being sufficient even beyond her god: “I’m not lonely, I’m alone/ And I’m holy by my own.”

I think both interpretations work for Pike: that she has found (or is attempting to find) peace when she’s not with her friends, or that although she worships Sarenrae, the Everlight doesn’t necessarily interfere in her day-to-day life and she makes her own happiness. Either way, the song makes me feel at peace in the same way that Pike does.

The Otherside, Ohbijou, for Pike’s feelings about Scanlan during the year gap. Particularly, I’m reminded of Pike’s attempts to talk to Scanlan on the earring: “With things left unsaid so unsatisfied/ And a burning to hear your voice just one more time.”

And in these lyrics:

“And it’s so silly for me to worry/ About situations that don’t exist/ We create these problems and try to solve them/ Why waste each passing moment?”

I hear Pike trying to figure out her feelings for Scanlan, but shooting herself down because he’s gone, why even try?

Scanlan

The Pilgrim - Chapter 33, Willie Nelson (cover of Kris Kristofferson), which really encapsulates, for me, Scanlan’s complex relationship with religion: the fact that a guy who regularly produces lightning from his dick, messes with people’s memories, and actively attempts to cultivate a drug habit finds himself praying to the Everlight at night and eventually becomes Ioun’s chosen:

“He’s a poet, he’s a picker/ He’s a prophet, he’s a pusher/ He’s a pilgrim and a preacher/ And a problem when he’s stoned”

The lines “He’s a walking contradiction/ Partly truth and partly fiction” reminds me of all the identities he’s taken on, both for fun and to shield his emotions from his friends, whereas “Taking every wrong direction on his lonely way back home” makes me think of Scanlan’s long road back to Vox Machina after leaving them.

Handle With Care, Traveling Wilburys: almost every single song on this album works for Scanlan, so choosing just one was a real challenge. But this song is so good for all the shit that Scanlan’s been through (and all the shit that he’s been), and his relationship with Pike through all of that:

“Been beat up and battered around/ Been sent up, and I’ve been shot down/ You’re the best thing that I’ve ever found/ Handle me with care […]”

“Everybody’s got somebody to lean on” reminds me of Scanlan’s feeling, in episode 85, that he’s the odd one out in Vox Machina.

The last verse encapsulates Scanlan acknowledging his own fuck ups, working to make them right, and eventually, having a healthy relationship with Pike:

“I’ve been uptight and made a mess/ But I’ll clean it up myself, I guess/ Oh, the sweet smell of success”

Taryon

Father and Son, Cat Stevens, for Tary’s relationship with his father and his decision to leave home; the song is a duet of sorts. I think the father’s part of the song is a little generous for Howaardt Darrington, but retains the message of (somewhat condescendingly) trying to keep his son at home and have him reconsider his far-reaching plans: “I know that it’s not easy to be calm/ When you’ve found something going on.”

The son’s part, though, captures Tary’s frustration with his father’s strictness and inability to actually understand his passions:

“How can I try to explain?/ ‘Cause when I do he turns away again/ It’s always been the same, same old story/ From the moment I could talk/ I was ordered to listen/ Now there’s a way and I know/ That I have to go away”

And the last verse is some real closeted gay feelings that always make me tear up:

“All the times that I cried/ Keeping all the things I knew inside/ It’s hard, but it’s harder to ignore it”

What’s It Gonna Be, Shura, not so much for the song’s lyrics, but for its music video, which is all about falling for a different gender than you expected, and which is incredibly sweet and beautiful.

That being said, you could definitely take the lyrics to be about his crush on Percy and his obliviousness about who in Vox Machina is sleeping with whom:

“Do I tell you I love you or not?/ 'Cause I can’t really guess what you want/ If you let me down, let me down slow”

Vax’ildan

Glorious, Muse, for Vax’s early relationship with faith. He can’t help but feel drawn towards Sarenrae’s light, even as he has doubts and perhaps even anger towards the gods:

Faith: It drives me away/ But it turns me on/ Like a stranger’s love It rockets through the universe It fuels the lies and feeds the curse And we, too, could be glorious”

He wants that glory that he sees in Pike, but he doesn’t know how to approach it or reconcile it with his life experiences. And then he finds his whole world shattered as he’s chosen by the Raven Queen, and he once again has to find faith, though in a way that he never expected:

“I need to believe But I still want more With the cuts and the bruises”

Fields of Gold, Sting: a song from Vax to Keyleth. I can imagine them so perfectly in this scene, perhaps during their year of downtime, with the winds of Zephra blowing through the fields and their hope beyond hope that they’ll be able to stay together:

“Will you stay with me? Will you be my love?/ Upon the fields of barley/ We’ll forget the sun in his jealous sky/ As we lie in fields of gold”

“See the west wind move like a lover so/ Upon the fields of barley/ Feel her body rise when you kiss her mouth/ Among the fields of gold”

Years later, Vax knows that Keyleth will see those fields again and think of him: “You’ll remember me when the west wind moves/ Upon the fields of barley.”

Vex’ahlia

Half Jack, The Dresden Dolls: a truly haunting song about the pain and unavoidability of being her father’s daughter — she’s always half Jill (her mother) and half Jack (her father.) The whole song is incredibly painful for Vex, and the lines:

“It might destroy me But I’d sacrifice my body If it meant I’d get the Jack part out”

always makes me think of “If I could pull the blood of you from my veins and give it back, I would.” Also,

“But if you listen/ You’ll learn to hear the difference/ Between the halfs and the half nots”

reminds me of her asking Percy if she looks like she comes from money — or a younger Vex, in Syngorn, gradually realizing why everyone looked down on her and Vax. Lastly, isn’t “I see my mother in my face/ But only when I travel” absolutely heartbreaking for her?

Fall Down or Fly, Lindi Ortega, only partly because Lindi Ortega strongly resembles my headcanon for Vex. The other part is because of my abiding love for how Vex learned to fly, and how that worked with her character arc: from the first time, in the Briarwoods arc, that she discovered her love for flying, to her flaunting convention and stealing the broom, to Percy modifying it for her, to her friends cheering her on with chicken target practice, and finally to her soaring through the skies with confidence. And the song captures that so well for me, as well as her decision to keep going even when her father, Saundor’s words, and her own self-doubt bring her down:

“This is your life/ You can fall down or fly/ You can burn out a shot if you want/ This is your life/ You can live it or die/ You can quit now or try if you want/ But don’t you give up, don’t you give up”

This also reminds me of how much all of Vox Machina adores and supports Vex (and I will join them in crying about how awesome she is):

“You said what is there to lose?/ Do it if you choose/ I got faith in you/ Everything you do/ I know you are gonna make it to the top”

(I also maintain that a modern Vex would be really into country music, particularly the genre of country song in which women tell people to fuck off.)

Vox Machina

Call Them Brothers, Regina Spektor feat. Only Son, for Scanlan’s departure from Vox Machina and the whole team’s attempts to deal with it. I first heard this song in an absolutely heartbreaking TAZ animatic, and my pain increased exponentially when I realized how much it also worked for Critical Role. It’s perfect, in my opinion, for the sense that their family, which has seen them through so much, is irreparably broken — “That’s it, it’s split, it won’t recover/ Just frame the halves and call them brothers.”

But then you also get “Over and over, they call us their friends/ Can’t we find something else to pretend?” for Scanlan’s insistence that Vox Machina doesn’t really care about him, and “Find your fathers and your mothers/ If you remember who they are” for “what’s my mother’s name?”

Maybe this should go on Scanlan’s playlist, but I think “The hunt is on, everyone’s chasing a shot” also works for the way that the rest of Vox Machina independently searched for Scanlan during their year of downtime… and the feelings of defeat in the song just feel appropriate to the whole group.

(I actually have a playlist full of songs for episode 85, because I enjoy making myself sad; it took a lot of effort not to put them all here.)

Freaks, The Hawk in Paris: I can never decide whether this is a Mighty Nein or Vox Machina song, but I’m putting it here mostly because “If you come along with us, the doors are never ending” is absolutely hilarious in for Vox Machina’s single greatest enemy.

That, and there are a lot of lines that work for individual members of the group: “We have a flair for the shade and the inbetween” (Vax); “We like to run with the wolves from the darker scene” (Keyleth); “When we turn the safety off, the shots are automatic” (Percy); “All our friends tell their friends we’re so dramatic” (Scanlan); and “We’ll make you swoon, make it hurt just a little” (Vex).

Additionally, “We have a plan, we’ve got the means for your liberation/ You’ll only have to blur the lines on a few occasions” makes me think of the Briarwood arc, and I makes me think of Percy dramatically revealing his identity to the priest — and cut to Grog pulling out a guy’s tongue.

Anyways, if I learn to make AMVs by the time that the animated series is released, this will be the first that I’ll make.

Beauregard

Saint Simon, The Shins, for Beau’s escape from the Cobalt Soul. The song expresses frustration at weighty intellectualism and how much it doesn’t teach you — which i think is something Beau felt strongly with her monk teachers:

“After all these implements and texts designed by intellects/ So vexed to find, evidently there’s still so much that hides […] Since I don’t have time nor mind to figure out the nursery rhymes/ That helped us out in making sense of our lives”

So she tries not to care about anything because it’s safer that way (“The cruel, uneventful state of apathy releases me”), and she runs away:

“I’ll try hard not to give in, batten down to fare the wind/ Rid my head of this pretence, allow myself no mock defence/ Step into the night”

I think the last part of the song could also work for her meeting the Mighty Nein and starts understanding friendship and love: “Mercy’s eyes are blue when she places them in front of you/ Nothing really holds a candle to the solemn warmth you feel inside you.”

Jonas and Ezekiel, Indigo Girls, because what kind of lesbian would I be if I didn’t put at least one gay-written song on Beau’s playlist? This one is about road trips, wandering, and looking for a purpose:

“I left my anger in a river running Highway 5 New Hampshire, Vermont, bordered by College farms, hubcaps, and falling rocks Voices in the woods and the mountaintops”

But also contains one verse that I think fits her strict family, her new family in the Mighty Nein, and the “devils” — or tieflings — of which her family would certainly not approve:

“Now when I was young my people taught me well/ Give back what you take or you’ll go to hell/ It’s not the devil’s land, you know it’s not that kind/ Every devil I meet becomes a friend of mine/ Every devil I meet is an angel in disguise”

And something about this reminds me of her journey into Xhorhas and attempts to uncover conspiracies and work out the truth: “In the war over land where the world began/ Prophecies say it’s where the world will end.”

Caduceus

Born at the Right Time, Paul Simon, for Caduceus’s belief in destiny and his place therein. The chorus describes his occasional naïveté, and the happiness of his life in the Blooming Grove, with his family:

“Never been lonely Never been lied to Never had to scuffle in fear Nothing denied to”

And then gets into his conviction that his goddess and the world itself put him where he is:

“Born at the instant/ The church bells chime/ And the whole world whispering/ Born at the right time”

The very chill vibe of the song is also very Clay, to me.

Happy All the Time, Danny Schmidt: the singer himself has said that he doesn’t know whether or not this song is ironic and/or melancholic, so I’m going to go with a sincere and cheerful interpretation for Caduceus, with maybe a hint of nostalgia for more peaceful days among his family. It’s got some incredibly lush and occasionally strange nature imagery that I think is perfect for him:

“I took the time to breathe cause I was happy all the time/ Among the rootbuds and the weeds cause I was happy all the time/ But the peat moss and the leaves took turns with both my feet/ Until my toes took root and I was happy, I was happy all the time”

I think Caduceus is still happy, but he was definitely at peace as a hermit.

Caleb

I Miss That Feeling, Tennis: a song about panic attacks and how the physical effects, when described, almost seem like falling in love. It works not only for Caleb’s panic attacks, but also, relatedly, his relationship with fire, which scares him, even as he likes the way it feels — “Something like pleasure, you’d never believe it.”

The fiery way that the singer describes panic attacks is also very Caleb:

“I miss that feeling/ Flicker hot and hovering/ Like my own discovering/ Eagerly, tenderly/ I miss that feeling/ Flicker spread into an itch/ Into a burn, into a twitch/ Slow and even”

It brings me back to the first time we saw it, in the gnoll mines. Also, “Every little thing starts trembling/ Recorded by the needle of an EKG” feels very reminiscent of his hospitalization, though from a modern perspective.

Putting the Dog to Sleep, The Antlers, for Caleb’s very tentative trust in the Mighty Nein, and in particular his friendship with Beau. I think this song really encapsulates Caleb’s pain and skittishness, especially near the beginning of their campaign, as well as his desperation (unknown even to himself) to love again:

“Well, prove to me I’m not gonna die alone/ Unstitch that shit I’ve sewn/ To close up the hole that tore through my skin/ Well my trust in you is a dog with a broken leg/ Tendons too torn to beg for you to let me back in”

And this feels like something that Beau would say to Caleb — upfront and caring all at the same time, reminding him that his actions affect everyone else and asking him not to run:

“You said, ‘I can’t prove to you you’re not gonna die alone/ But trust me to take you home/ To clean up that blood all over your paws/ You can’t keep running out […] Kicking yourself in the head/ Because you’re kicking me too.’”

By the end of the song, Caleb is starting to believe her, and even asking her to trust him: “Put your trust in me/ I’m not gonna die alone… I don’t think so…”

Fjord

Release the Kraken, The Daysleepers: I added this to Fjord’s playlist back when everyone was speculating that his patron was something kraken-like, and even now that this is clearly not the case, I think it still works for Uk’otoa (Uk’otoa) and his attempts at freedom: “It pulled the ships down/ It’s rising from the deep below.”

But also for Fjord’s relationship with Avantika — for his attempts to get close to her in order to save himself and his friends:

“Turn the lights down Careful as a serpent’s tongue Move without a sound Gentle as the cold wind moans”

I think “When you sold love/ Your heart becomes a monster” is some of what Fjord felt after those encounters: like he gave part of himself away.

21st Century Child, Daggy Man, for Fjord’s self-hatred and the masks he puts on. Many of the lyrics could fit several characters (particularly Beau, Caleb, and Scanlan), but

“I hate the sound of myself/ When I’m being honest/ Sounds like somebody else/ And I don’t wanna listen/ To the whinings of a 21st century child”

just perfectly captures his feelings about his voice and his past self — weak and whiny, and not who he wants to be. And then we get these lines, which feel like a good summary of his issues with identity and deception:

“And I’ve struggled with how/ Others perceive me/ And I can’t tell if I’m better/ Or just better at deceiving And I’ll keep going until I’m called out”

Jester

The Sweetest Sounds, Ella Fitzgerald (cover of Richard Rodgers), for pre-stream Jester barely waiting for her exciting life to begin. I first heard this song in Rodger & Hammerstein’s Cinderella, and while there is something fairy-tale-like about Jester, I think this upbeat, jazzy cover fits her well:

“The most entrancing sight of all Is yet for me to see And the dearest love in all the world Is waiting somewhere for me”

I can just imagine a 10-year-old Jester listening to the band at the Lavish Chateau play this song, dressing up in Marion’s clothes, and pretending she’s in a storybook romance.

One Hand in my Pocket, Alanis Morissette, which really captures her beautiful complexity:

“I’m free, but I’m focused/ I’m green, but I’m wise/ I’m hard, but I’m friendly/ I’m sad, but I’m laughing”

because Jester is so many things all at once, and none of them negate each other. It’s so hopeful (“What it all comes down to/ Is that everything’s gonna be quite alright”) and comforting (“What it all boils down to/ Is that no one’s really got it figured out just yet”) in a way that really reminds me of my favourite blue cleric.

The whole song has such a fun, free, summer vibe that always makes me smile — just like Jester.

Mollymauk

Carnival Overture, Antonín Dvořák (Leonard Bernstein & New York Philharmonic Orchestra): one of my favourite pieces of classical music ever — when I hear it, an entire music video about a carnival plays in my head. The exuberant theme that bowls you over from the start reminds me of Molly’s effervescent, ostentatious personality.

The slower and quieter part in the middle with the violin and woodwind solos gives me a picture of Molly and Yasha sitting alone in the evenings just outside the carnival encampment, cuddled together — Yasha talking about her wife, Molly telling jokes, and the both of them making up names for constellations and flowers. Then the quick-paced minor section makes me think of the bloodhunter tiefling in combat, deadly with his swords and vicious mockery — before the return to the joyful, triumphant original theme.

Wonderful Everyday, Chance the Rapper & The Social Experiment**: this is sort of a cover of the Arthur theme song, but in the absolute best way possible. The meandering, loose, and extraordinarily happy vocals always remind me of Molly’s way of living.

Although some of the lyrics are more optimistic than Molly (I think he’d laugh at “Everybody that you meet/ Has an original point of view” and say that their points of view are usually bullshit), the message of appreciating every single day is just wonderful for him.

And the last bit hits me like a ton of bricks:

“And when I go down/ I'ma go down swinging/ My eyes still smiling/ And my heart still singing”

“Eyes never shut,” indeed.

**not on Spotify, sorry!

Nott

The Sore Feet Song, Ally Kerr: at first it appears to be a simple song about traveling long distances to find your love, which certainly describes Nott’s search for Yeza: “I walked ten thousand miles, ten thousand miles to see you/ And every gasp of breath I grabbed at just to find you.”

But the second verse is where it really gets into Nott’s thieving, rat-eating, badass ways:

“I stole ten thousand pounds, ten thousand pounds to see you I robbed convenient stores cause I thought they’d make it easier I lived off rats and toads, and I starved for you I fought off giants bears and I killed them too”

I love this strange little goblin.

Fox in the Snow, Belle & Sebastian: this song has always been a bit of a mystery to me, but the lyrics remind me of Nott’s intense vulnerability after she was transformed into a goblin — and in particular her self-image as something animalistic:

“Fox in the snow, where do you go/ To find something you could eat?/ Because the word out on the street is you are starving/ Don’t let yourself grow hungry now/ Don’t let yourself grow cold”

The second verse, which switches to describing a human girl, reminds me of pre-transformation Veth, more acceptable in body but no less socially ostracized than Nott:

“Girl in the snow, where do you go/ To find someone that will do?/ To tell someone all the truth before it kills you/ Listen to your crazy laugh/ Before you hang a right/ And disappear from sight/ What do they know anyway?”

I can just see that exact scene play out with a young Veth, right down to the “crazy laugh.” I’m glad she found Yeza, but she must still have been pretty lonely without any other friends.

Yasha

Into the Barrens, Grizfolk, for Yasha’s years of blank wandering after Zuala’s death. This song fits Yasha so well that for months, I somehow tricked myself into believing that Ashley had put it on her playlist. But I feel like this encapsulates her hopeless feelings, away from all society, not living for anything or anyone:

“Cast me away, my shadow’s cold/ Into the barrens where I will grow old/ Well, I’m not looking for answers/ And I’m not looking for gold”

And I can see this verse for the beginning of her relationship with the Stormlord, following voices she can’t understand as she wanders, barely alive:

“The voices in my head/ They echo in the wind and I begin to sway/ I follow what they say/ I can’t see their eyes, but I hear howling through the haze”

Dreams, Fleetwood Mac: technically a break-up song, but I can’t help but think of Yasha’s ever-present guilt and her memories of Zuala when I hear:

“Listen carefully to the sound of your loneliness/ Like a heartbeat drives you mad/ In the stillness of remembering what you had/ And what you lost”

The storm imagery also works for Yasha — “When the rain washes you clean, you’ll know” makes me think of her fight with the Stormlord on the boat, which allowed her to open up to her friends. And it touches on Yasha’s opaque dreams (“Now here I go again, I see the crystal visions/ I keep my visions to myself”).

(Ally and Stevie also have a lesbian mash-up of Dreams and Rhiannon, two of the gayest Fleetwood Mac songs, that I associate strongly with Beauyasha.)

Mighty Nein

Old Black Train, The Blasting Company (from Over the Garden Wall): trains don’t exist in Exandria (yet! — Percy or Taryon should get on that) but this is more of a metaphor for life. It reminds me of the Mighty Nein setting out from Alfield, not knowing the twists and turns they were going to face, the places they’d go, nor the family they’d become:

“This journey is a long one/ It will take you all around/ Life rushing by your window/ Before it lays you down”

Then there’s this verse:

“Oh come on now young stranger/ Weren’t you someone’s son? How’d you find this depot 'Cause it ain’t where you belong”

which feels very appropriate for many members of the Mighty Nein, separated as they are from their families and wandering in lands that aren’t welcoming to them. There’s also a verse that’s reminiscent of the graveyard they passed on the way to Zadash, which more and more feels like a portent of things to come:

“You will pass a graveyard/ Stones worn by the years/ The train’ll stop a minute but don’t let it leave you here”

Sailing, Leisure Cruise: another song about transportation, although this one is a little less metaphorical. As you can probably guess, I associate it with their adventures on the Mystake and the Ball Eater, which begun by total accident but which, in my opinion, was a turning point for the group, and ultimately helped them grow closer together:

“And to our surprise we’re sailing The high seas in the middle of the ocean […] We’re sailing the wildest mystery And to our surprise we’re happy and free”

Okay, so maybe “happy and free” is a bit of an exaggeration for that arc (particularly for poor Nott) but I think there were a lot of moments in which the Mighty Nein learned unexpected lessons about themselves.

And I think this is a good summary of the Mighty Nein’s modus operandi: seize every passing opportunity, because you don’t know what tomorrow will bring:

“Maybe it’s today Maybe it’s tomorrow But we have to make a play Or the chance will fade away”

And that’s a wrap! Thanks for listening and reading. Love you all <3

#critical role #Cr music #my stuff

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theolivechickken · 5 years

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CAN I PET YOUR DOG

Pt. 2 of week 1

I know I already write a lot, but actually I HAVE TOO MANY GOOD THOUGHTS AND MEMORIES AND IT’S HARD TO GET THEM ALL DOWN BEFORE THEY PASS.

Jan 18

Let’s get this bread. Woke up bright and early, threw some toast in the toaster, and dressed it with some butter and honey. We left at 7:55 to head down the mountain and meet Katharina (who would walk us to the school where we were volunteering for the morning). On the walk down the mountain, a cat hopped down and followed us around on the trail.

We followed the river down crossed through a park to get to the school. I really loved the interior! Walls were painted with pastel and primary colors, and student art was displayed on bulletin boards. We sat in a neat little library that had walls lined with organized books, desks and colorful chairs, computers by the windows, and a little reading pit in one corner. It kinda reminds me of a Montessori Classroom. Very warm, open and cozy.

Our first session was with the 4-6th graders (probably my favorite group that we worked with today!). They were so enthusiastic and excited to be here with us, and I had a lot of fun talking to them. This was the group that was starting out in English and I was so impressed by how much they already knew and how much they engaged in conversation! They had a bunch of questions prepared for our little speed date “get-to-know-you” rotations and would often ask us if we had any pets or siblings, if we had a boyfriend or girlfriend, if we drove a car or played computer games, and asked us what our favorite colors, hobbies, subjects, and foods were.

Our second group was with the dreaded middle schoolers and high schoolers. We had to actually prepare little lessons to teach this more advanced group. Nadia, Raine, and Aubree prepared a time lesson to help them convert their 24 hour clock to a 12 hour clock with AM and PM. SaVanna and Regina passed out a past-tense worksheet to practice using verbs ending in -ed. Michaela and Patrick hosted a USA geography trivia activity and Bryn, Ayetzy, and I ended the session with a round of Bingo (centered around articles of clothing). Our game went pretty well actually! I think it was a good note to end on.

The third group had some experience with English but was overall the quietest group. We sat at different tables around the classroom and talked about American food, Austrian food, and random subjects. So many of the students were from different countries and had very different backgrounds from their classmates. I thought it was interesting how they all found themselves studying in Salzburg even if they came from countries that were much further away.

Alright boys, let’s attempt this laundry. Also in German but thankfully nothing set on fire and my clothes got washed.

For dinner we munched on some of the leftovers that Marcus left in the student kitchen (so many caaaaarbs yikes). Later, I went out to Murphy’s Law and O’Malleys with Kaya, Regina, Nadia, Aubree, Raine, and Patrick. Murphy’s had a quieter, older scene, but it was chill in its own way. O’malleys had just what we were looking for. They were playing some bangers and we were all singing aloud and dancing with our new British friends who joined our table. It was such a fun night! Afterwards, we stopped at a food stand and got sausages before climbing into a taxi (one of the very few that would take us up the mountain - and it was pretty large since it managed to fit all 7 of us in it) and heading back home.

Jan 19

Woke up deaaaad inside. The flu hit me like a train. Or I guess I never recovered from my mild cold which evolved quickly to the black plague. Also probably didn’t fully recover since everyone else is sick too so we’re just passing it all around. Had a heartwarming cup of much needed minestrone soup at Spaghetti & Co (yay soups and vegetables and vegetable soup :) ) Patrick, Aubree and Nadia had pizza, Raine had gnocchi, and Regina had chicken strips and fries. We have not mastered the art of flagging down waiters yet. Kinda just throw our hands up and then awkwardly put them behind our heads to play it off when the waiter doesn’t see them.

We strolled through the city, passed by H&M, got distracted by the coats hanging in the windows, and then found ourselves inside looking at the clothes. We discovered that there were multiple floors to this store and hopped inside an elevator. We somehow managed to push all the buttons in the elevator, went up to the second floor, and then set off an alarm since Raine was holding a coat with a tag on it. Luckily, no one went to jail! We also stopped by DM and Spar to pick up some groceries and I found myself a little orange juice smoothie (stock up on this vitamin C). Took the lift back up the Mönchsberg and had a chill night in to rest.

Jan 20

On the road to recovery (lets beat this cold/flu/sickness??) Sweated out my fever but now I’m congested?

Yes, resting is important, but let’s also take it slow in this slow city.

Went out to Mr Le’s Healthy Asia one-man restaurant shop. What a nice man :) Food was cheap and decent, and his shop was located at the very bottom of the Mönchsberg so it was pretty quick and easy to walk to. He asked if we were on holiday or staying, and we told him we were here for 4 months. Then he gave us a stamp card for his restaurant! You can bet I’ll be back. He told us he was excited to be visiting San Francisco and New York next week.

Strolled through New Town to find a bank for Patrick to stop at but turns out Google lied to us and they were all closed. Ended up stopping at Coffee Haus to sit down and do homework with Bryn. I had a chai tea latte in mind when ordering, but our waiter brought out a decently large cup of chai tea. It was still pretty tasty and honestly hot tea is probably better for my sore throat. I really love the atmosphere of this coffee house. It’s very modern and hipstery, and has a really relaxed overall vibe. It’s also lively compared to many of the restaurants in town (that are usually dead silent or volume is kept to a minimum). It reminds me of Lux cafe back at home, where you can just sit down and order something, then take your time hanging out and not be disturbed by waiters or waitresses.

Have I mentioned how well trained dogs are here?! I have seen so many cute dogs just roaming freely but not too far from their owners. One little guy stopped by our table to sniff our hands and I think this is the first dog I have pet here. I didn’t ask the owner “Kann Ich?” but to be fair the dog came to me so I think that question is pretty much answered.

Also, dogs aren’t as cuddly or friendly as those in the US? They might come nearby to sniff you but they don’t really like to be pet by strangers or like to greet others. They don’t get excited by other dogs or by other people. It’s weird man.

#Salzburg #Salzburg Semester #Studying Abroad

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dillydedalus · 6 years

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books i read in october

will i even read anything this month? MAYBE NOT (i did.)

der gang vor die hunde (going to the dogs), erich kästner the restored full text of kästner’s fabian, a satirical novel about late weimar berlin and how it is.... going to the dogs. it’s witty, everyone is dancing (and uh, fucking) on the edge of the abyss, fabian sees the end of europe everywhere he looks, but my favourite bits were honestly kästner’s incredibly sharp & funny postscripts (one to the moral censors, one to the art critics - ‘this book is not for confirmees, no matter how old they are’), and the blurb calling berlin ‘der zärtliche moloch der moderne’/’the tender moloch of modernity’. 3.5/5

hier ist noch alles möglich, gianna molinari longlisted for german book prize. a short novel about a woman who decides to become a nightguard at a rundown factory where a wolf has been seen (maybe). mostly, it’s ramblings about borders/boundaries, intrusions and separations of space (the wolf coming into the factory, the fence of the factory, islands etc). it’s interesting, but it’s a bit too long for what it did. 2.5/5

when hitler stole pink rabbit, judith kerr i’ve had this book for like. probably 15 years? god. anyway, somehow i never read it and picked it up now to get it off the unread shelf. it’s a fictionalised account of kerr’s childhood as a refugee after her jewish family leaves germany just before the nazis come into power, and their struggle to make a living and find their place in the countries they escape to. it was really well-done, not overly didactic or sentimental & i should have read it as a kid i guess! 3/5

die liebe unter aliens, terézia mora short story collection. i listened to the audio book, which only has 5 of the 10 stories (which i didn’t know before), so that’s a bit disappointing. anyway, the title means ‘love among aliens’, but sadly there were no aliens :(. just alienated people trying to find something/themselves/etc. i liked mora’s style, but the only story i rly liked was one about a japanese prof who falls in love with a goddess. 2.5/5, gave it 3/5 on goodreads bc i only heard half the stories

buried in the sky, peter zuckerman & amanda padoan i find mountaineering disasters morbidly fascinating & am kinda obsessed with them (throwback to last year when i read into thin air & told everyone who’d listen not to climb everest & they were all like.... wasn’t planning to but okay??). k2 is only slightly less high than everest but much more difficult technically (all the climbers r like.... oh everest is so easy i wanted a real challenge like.... k). anyway this book is focused on a particular disaster on k2 during which 11 people died, as well as on the position, history, culture etc. of the indigenous ethnic groups that live in these regions & work for mountaineering expeditions (Sherpas being the most well-known but there are others as well!). since the authors weren’t on this expedition, it’s not quite as harrowing and immersive as into thin air but it’s still plenty harrowing! horrible deaths! the deaths of the high altitude workers were incredibly tragic & while obvi the mountaineers’ deaths are sad too, i feel like they know what they’re getting into & they’re not doing it out of economic necessity but for like... fun? the rush? pride? idk. but anyway if you don’t wanna die... don’t go into the DEATH ZONE. it’s literally called the DEATH ZONE DON’T GO THERE. anyway yeah i find everything about extreme mountaineering super fascinating & terrifying & this is a good one, tho into thin air would be still my #1 rec. 4/5

wenn es nur licht gäbe, bevor es dunkel wird, iunona guruli tbh i mainly got this on overdrive bc i hadn’t really read anything from georgia (the country in the caucasus, not the american state). it’s a short story collection (mostly about/set in georgia but written in german) on themes like drug abuse, gendered, sexual & domestic violence and depression, so... not much fun here! there is a dreamlike quality to some of the stories which i think contrasted well with the quite dark themes, but overall the stories were too similar & blended together too much for me, and sometimes the style seemed a bit too laboured. 2.5/5

unter weißen, mohamed amjahid really good, persuasive & engaging examination of racism in germany, accessible without being basic. i haven’t really read a book like this about specifically german racism and its particularities, especially one so recent (it was published in 2017 & the context of the ‘refugee crisis’ is rly important). amjahid (who’s a journalist with die zeit currently) works w/ a lot of personal anecdotes and they are uh. horrible. like, one chapter is about the paternalistic side of willkommenskultur, where he goes to munich train station to interview volunteers welcoming refugees and some of them immediately cast him as ‘helpless ignorant refugee in need of our benevolence’ & dehumanise him to the point that they don’t even register that he’s speaking to them in german like. fuck. 4/5

desintegriert euch!, max czollek (actually finished this a bit later but it goes well with the amjahid book) while amjahid discusses racism in germany both in general terms and specifically islamophobia, czollek focuses on german antisemitism and advocates for disassimilation & alliances between different marginalised groups in rejection of german ‘leitkultur’. also he talks about daniel kahn in a chapter on jewish revenge & i love daniel kahn. 4/5

the white guard, mikhail bulgakov (tr. from russian) look, the situation in kiev after the russian revolution and the multiple military take-overs of the city is interesting and all (tho incredibly confusing if like me you don’t know who any of the factions are or what they want), but where’s the devil? where are the witchy vibes? where is the demonic talking cat? 3/5

der vogelgott, susanne röckel so this was shortlisted for this year’s german book prize and i can totally see why. it’s disturbing, compelling, has a lot of conceptually interesting weird stuff going on and it almost really worked for me. it’s a story about three siblings haunted by a strange & horrible birdgod after their father, a hobby ornithologist and taxidermist, kills a bird he shouldn’t have. while the siblings live very different lives - one goes to a fictional african (?) country to work for an ngo, one is working on her doctoral thesis on a medieval german painter, the third is a journalist researching strange fears and dreams that are troubling the city’s children - all of them become entwined with this birdgod and the cult(s) surrounding it. my problem is mainly that the book uses the ‘too horrible to describe/comprehend’ trope way too much, which is effective the first few times but eventually wears off & just becomes annoying and like.... so what?? also, the first sibling’s chapter uses some very colonialist tropes about the savage religions and customs of the uncivilised natives, and while there is an attempt at subversion here (e.g. the same cult being present in medieval germany apparently), it didn’t feel like enough for me. but overall this is a really interesting, disturbing little book. 3.5/5

king lear, shakespeare (for uni) honestly... i expected more from this, tho to be fair reading it in a rush for a seminar (that ended up getting cancelled anyway) probably wasn’t ideal. overall i just.... didn’t feel anything about anyone (except the YAAAS BITCH vibes for regan/goneril/edmond’s shenanigans), many characters’ choices & actions didn’t make sense to me & i was disappointed that cordelia wasn’t a character as much as a ~pure selfless angel for lear to have feelings about. 2/5

currently reading: the bloody chamber by angela carter which i’m high-key loving, white dancing elephants by chaya bhuvaneswar, also two comics/graphic novels: john lewis’ march series and saga book one

#the books i read #in which i have a lot of feelings about mountaineering disasters #long post #der vogelgott frustrated me so much there were several scenes were something is being revealed to the siblings #and they are like 'what i heard/saw was so horrible that i literally almost fainted & have almost no memory of it'#which..... okay so why should i be scared then #i didn't even want more answers/certainty just more.... pay-off??

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cicatriselle-blog · 6 years

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Ouch.

(Also known as: here’s how piercing my nipples was a glorious act of self-care and an important step in my recovery/healing/story!)

Sooo. Hi. It’s been a while. This is going to be long and rambling.

I got my nipples pierced a month ago. This is something I’ve been wanting to do for at least five or six years. it connects to Longtime in that when I’ve expressed that previously, he never explicitly was like, “no, you can’t do that”…but he very much made clear that he did not like that idea or the look and generally all sorts of negative-nope-naysay comments. Then, with the boy (who has all sorts of piercings, including his nipples, that he’d done himself—yes, I know, sigh)…I’d talked about it with him, and he said he’d pierce my nipples for me. Luckily, that never came to pass for a variety of reasons (the boy had supposedly pierced a lot of people in high school, but had stopped), but it goes to show how much I trusted the boy and how incorrectly calibrated my good idea meter was because of that. During our situationship (thanks @thegassedlight) there was even a point where he offhandedly let me know he’d pierced [some random girl’s name I’d never heard previously]. I was like. Uh. I’m not okay that you just, did that? Without saying anything or asking or letting me know? And he was like sorry, blah blah blah. (I am pretty sure he probably did indeed, but that he did it to his now-wife.) ANYWAY. Anyway.

The boy had really emotionally abused/fucked over another girl, whom he’d introduced me to and we’d interacted with a few times, whom I’ll refer to as Red. I poured my heart out to her the night and days following The Shit, and she and I traded timelines and found out that there was even a point that he was cheating on (at least??) me, Red, and his current wife. At some point I talked about the nipple piercings, one of the many things he said he’d/we’d do and it never happened, and she shared with me that her current boyfriend is a piercer and if I wanted to get it done to just let her know. (And I loved that narrative; getting my nipples pierced by the boyfriend of another girl who (was unfortunately) emotionally destroyed by the boy, too, but who is now doing so, so much better, and is loved by someone else that’s so, so much healthier for her.)

August 16th, 2017 was significant in that it was the day I broke up with the boy. I’d written a wonderful letter to him two days prior that I’ll post in a bit, which basically said either we do this or we don’t, I’m not tolerating this shit anymore, that I’m healing with or without him. We came together on the 16th…and he told me he wanted to help me heal….but as friends. Even though we’d been fucking and acting like a couple and not even two weeks prior had gone on a romantic camping trip. Why had I written him this letter at all? After our lovely trip toward the end of July 2017, my Spidey sense was tingling again in mid-August, as it did from time to time. I hadn’t looked in a while, but something told me to go look at [his now wife]’s Instagram. She’d blocked me on there for some weird reason (I have a feeling he’d taken her phone and done so), so I opened an incognito tab and saw a picture wherein she thanked the boy for dyeing her hair so well (despite him having told me he’d cut off contact with her since earlier in the year, other than some bullshit about how she was living with his best friend [x] and that’s why asdkajdlak I can’t even go into that. But because he’d told me he wanted me, he wanted to work on us, that he was choosing this relationship and had severed the relationship with her because I told him that can’t happen if you have any contact with her). Anyway. The dyed hair thing. I can’t even remember what he said in response, that he was at a friend’s house, and that she showed up, and needed help dyeing her hair, something. It was so stupid. SO, so, so, so, stupid. I didn’t believe it then. So I wrote him this letter. I was done with him telling me bullshit. I had reached a point where I was perfectly ready for the relationship to continue, with major changes, or for the relationship to end, and that be that. But it never ONCE occurred to me that he might not want to be with me romantically. That he thought of me as just a friend. Because I certainly don’t go on romantic camping trips/do couple-y things/have sex with “just a friend.” Eye. fucking. roll.

Anyway. So another anniversary was coming up. I was feeling anxious about it. It was looming over me, as all these benchmarks seem to do for some weird reason. That whole tumblr post about anxiety being like hearing the boss music but you don’t see the boss, that sums it up. Or, like the theme from Jaws, as I said to a friend of mine recently. Foreboding. Ominous. About a week beforehand, the nipple piercings thing popped up in my mind again. I thought it over a day, and then reached out to Red. It felt like it was the right time. We talked a bit. And then I picked out the jewelry I wanted and she said she’d let her boyfriend know and that they’d arrive in the shop in about a week.

I told Red that I was intending to get them done the 16th. Work had been decent that day, but I was physically feeling weird all day, and started second-guessing myself. I had a tearful therapy session that afternoon. And then on the way home, I was like, fuck this, I’m going to fucking do it. I’m re-authoring this story. I’m replacing this day with something positive. This is the day I got my nipples pierced. Not the day the boy somehow broke my heart in a new way, not the day I remember walking away from him in the rain, not the day I expected a no but got somehow an even worse answer. I’m erasing that memory with this one; the pencil marks under it still remind me that I wrote something else first, but what I’m choosing to write instead is there now because I wanted it to be there.

Once I stopped waffling in my head, I messaged my roommate and she was happy to come along for support (who also has her nipples pierced). I went and picked up Red (WHO ALSO HAS HER NIPPLES PIERCED). Red and I have interacted several times in real life, but I finally got to meet her cat and she came over and saw my place. I packed a “don’t faint/seize/etc” bag with some mini Snickers bars and a tiny can of Mountain Dew (along with more sensible items like dark chocolate-covered almonds and crackers) and the three of us went to the shop. I was really nervous. But I was totally, nobody can change my mind or tell me what to fucking do, I-worked-13 hours-over-what-I-was-hired-for-this-pay-period-so-I’m-gonna-spend-it-on-meeee, 100% going to pierce my nipples.

I felt at ease when we got there and I met her boyfriend. He knew ALL about the boy—knew intimately how he had fucked Red over, the lingering damage he’d done, and knew how he had destroyed me in a new way because she’d talked about me. There was an apprentice with him, too. It turned out that everyone BUT me in that damn room (so, 4 out of 5 people) had their nipples pierced. I nervously made some joke about not being part of the cool kids club. But I felt safe.

I imagine that getting your nipples/anything else of the sort is kind of a weird situation to begin with. But I knew Red, my roommate…and knew “of”/but had only just met her boyfriend. I wanted both Red and my roommate there, but it was a little trippy to take off my tank top and unlatch my front-closing bra (which I never wear, but it seemed like a perfect time to actually do so) and show my breasts in front of 4 people who had previously never seen them before while he marked my nipples for placement.

(Also, props to Red: dude is so much cuter than the boy, so sweet, doesn’t drink at all, takes care of himself, and gave off super calming vibes. And has actually good tattoos and a stable job. It made me go. Oh, yeah girl, he’s fucking cute. If you can heal from what he did to you and find love again, maybe I can too.)

Red had previously offered to hold my hand and as we got ready she grabbed my hand (which, now that I’m thinking about it, is probably the only physical contact we’ve ever had) and it was so comforting. Red’s boyfriend was very professional and I trusted him totally, he walked me through how he’s going to do it and when he wants me to breathe and all that. The week prior, Red had told me he’d ask which nipple was more sensitive, which is a question I’d never asked myself before; I went, huh, I…don’t know, and then banjo-strummed both, and found out that my left nipple is indeed more sensitive. (I was so excited to find something new about myself I didn’t know before, haha.) So he pierced that one first.

I felt fine initially, and then started feeling weird. I said, I don’t know if I’m faint-y or not yet, but I let him know I felt kind of weird and he gave me a cool washcloth and told me to just relax and breathe. I said, hold on, let’s see what my pulse is, and my pulse was 53, so I asked for my “don’t faint” bag and chugged my tiny little can of Mountain Dew. We waited several minutes and then I was like, okay, pulse is back to normal, let’s do the other one. And did it!

It didn’t hurt too badly. I loved how they looked. It was a perception-changing act for me. Not only was I saying fuck you to Longtime (who’d poopoo-ed the idea many times in our relationship), but I was replacing “here is another thing the boy said he’d do and didn’t [and probably did with his now wife]” with “I went out and fucking did this myself on a meaningfully significant date that I previously had associated with something painful and I made it part of my healing narrative.” I caused myself actual physical trauma, triggering some feelings and sensations and emotions I had not felt in a while, in a controlled, supportive environment. I got to pick how the hurt happened that day. And the hurt wasn’t the focus of the whole thing; I wanted to do it because I’d been wanting to do it for years. I wanted to do something to make myself feel beautiful. Instead of having a panic attack thinking about the minutiae of that evening the year before, I got to have my new day. I took all the elements—the boy, nipple piercings, Red, Red’s boyfriend being an actual piercer, August 16th, my roommate—and I got to redo it all. Instead of having my nipples pierced by someone who systematically abused me, I had my nipples pierced by the boyfriend of someone who had experienced some of the same things, by the same person, and she’s here holding my hand as I leap into this experience and the boy is not. I wanted to connect these threads in my life in a way that felt empowering and healing and transformative. It was beautiful and sunny that evening. We had the windows down on the way home. A new memory. A rewrite.

I’m so glad I did it. I thought I was CURED of anxiety for about a week afterwards (spoiler alert: I was merely riding on the high of all sorts of adrenaline and pain responses and other hormones, I’m sure, haha). I felt so calm and cool and collected in a way I never had. Relaxed. At peace. And then “I” came back. Anxiety came back. Freaking out about work came back. But since then, I just. I don’t know. It feels different. It was a really healing act for me. I’m so proud of myself.

I’m going to stop here for now. But that’s where I am. My therapist told me she’s moving to California in a month yesterday. A year ago, I would’ve had a crisis. It would’ve been super jarring and I’d be in meltdown mode. I guess, I did do that, since my old therapist basically dumped me right after I found out that the boy had gotten married to the girl he’d cheated on me with ten months prior. tI think I am kind of having a micro-one, but the fact that I finally de-emotionally constipated myself by writing all this out, feels better. I think I’m sad about it. Yet I think this is the push I need to actually start trauma-based work/EMDR. We talked about it in session yesterday and she agreed. She asked if I wanted to continue seeing her or start transitioning now, and I said. It would be good to have a therapeutic situation wherein I actually have termination carried out properly, since I have never done that, and I would like for us to process and discuss our relationship ending so that it can happen in a positive way. Like. Woah, me.

She agreed I’m doing better, too. I have been exercising regularly, for the first time, since, childhood?? And it makes my brain feel better? WHY DID NOBODY TELL ME? (I might be being a little sarcastic regarding that query.) Eating is still not great. I am using my DBT skills naturally, which is cool. It often does still feel like whack-a-mole—once I feel like I have something figured out, another problem pops up. I guess that’s life, though.

Wow. How my mind meandered. I took my medication this afternoon with the intent to look back at my journals, something, I don’t know. (I was prescribed intranasal ketamine in PHP last December for treatment-resistant depression; it’d always been something I wanted to try but was out of my reach until I ended up at that hospital’s program). I grabbed the journal I’d kept during that time (the first ever composition notebook I completely filed every page of), the one I’d started after that, and the 2 wire bound notebooks I kept when I was with the boy, hoping to finally face head-on some of these things I’ve been avoiding re-processing for a while. I think part of it was me wanting to activate myself. In a healthy way, but also maybe not. I feel really good about the thing with my therapist but I know there are elements at work in my brain, things I have no control over, that are probably dealing with abandonment, again. Again again again again. It feels better now, I feel more in-tune with myself, but I know that some of these things I don’t have any control over. So maybe that’s why I wanted to grab all of these notebooks and re-activate myself. I dunno.

I feel good. Things are okay. I still hurt a lot. But it’s okay.

#mine #the boy #longtime #therapist #red #dbt #positivity #trauma #emdr #ketamine #abandonment #eating #august 16th

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memorylang · 4 years

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Home for Christmas: Birth, Endings and Marriage | #18 | December 2019

I returned from Mongolia to the States for 12 days this winter! It’s the first of my three stories picking up from my adventures away.

With a confluence of reasons to see the States this year, plus some for China, this felt like the perfect Christmas journey. I open with Advent meeting my baby nephew, then Christmas among my family in Vegas before my travel to Reno (my college town) for a wedding and my return to Vegas. Then I left to China.

Settling In: Stateside Once More

Having set a new record for days outside the U.S., my late-December return marked nearly seven months overseas.

Upon returning to the state my family occupied, Nevada, I learned its population just passed 3 million. My state’s population nearly matched Mongolia’s! But with the Vegas Valley, its population hits nearly twice Mongolia’s capital.

But as for temperatures, comparisons stop there. By the time I reached Vegas, I’d shed my puffy winter coats and stuffed them in my backpack. Vegas sat at a toasty 15°C (59°F), compared to Mongolia’s -30°C (-22°F). And Vegas friends said their weather felt cold!

Reunited in Vegas

My first days back at the house, caught up with my four siblings who reassembled. And I ate copious amounts of food, of which I’ll write a couple blog stories from now.

I would bring music, photos, some of my journals, travel souvenirs, Bibles and letters as keepsakes for my continued service in Mongolia. Special thanks to my 23-year-old brother for helping me through my college boxes in the garage.

I love rainy days. They remind me of Mom, too, at times.

My older brother gave me plenty tech support, including helping me get downtown to replace my Surface that’s been faulty since Dad bought it three years ago. (Free upgrade!) I also backed up files to cloud storage I could access from Mongolia.

I also kicked up a K-Pop playlist with recommendations from friends and my 18-year-old youngest bro. The list used to just have songs I encountered at Kiwanis CKI events and a few from my 17-year-old Mongolian host sister. I felt needing K-Pop’s positive vibes and high-energy, as opposed to American pop’s tendency toward symping. Why dwell in darkness when I have the light?

But here’s the key reason I came back to Vegas early. I needed to sort through our late mother’s belongings. I’ll touch on this during the next blog story, about my return to China. Thank you to those who supported me through the sorting.

Baby Wally

I returned home for Christmas for a huge reason—to finally meet my nephew, Wally!

Squishy baby Wally came from Ohio with my 42-year-old half-brother and my sister-in-law one night, the fourth week of Advent.

Meeting them the next morning felt amazing.

I’m an early riser, and his family was still on Eastern Standard Time. After finishing hard drive backups upstairs, I walked downstairs to the kitchen, where Wally stared at me from his rolling chair a long time. He was eight months old.

I loved his marshmallow hands and how he babbled both incomprehensible murmurs I repeated back to him and vaguely word-seemingly things like, “dada.” I probably only held him a couple times, but we made up for that with how long others held him while he continued to gaze at me.

My brother said Wally really liked me.

I mentioned a little how the toddlers at the orphanage, too, seemed fascinated by me. Someone somewhere told me babies, kittens and puppies must sense goodness in people.

Christmas in America

Leading up to Christmas, my family attended Simbang Gabi, a Filipino Catholic celebration during Advent. Since Dad had my siblings and I come, we also got to see the Filipino family ours has evidently spent time with. It reminded me somewhat of the Feast of Santo Niño I attended three years ago in Reno.

I loved getting to experience at a beautiful church the whole Mass in English—my first back in the States. The Filipino pastor gave a very Vegas homily, in how our vibrant Catholic community sets an example for this city. The Mass also featured a presider I recalled would sometimes say Mass at our church we’d attended since moving to Nevada a decade before. Afterward, we enjoyed a reception featuring copious amounts of Filipino food and music, per usual.

Midnight Mass

As is Christmas tradition, my family attended Midnight Mass at church. But this year, my 20-year-old sister drove so we could attend carols early. Our music even included hymns from Afro-Caribbean traditions, in addition to choral classics. I recorded clips from caroling and shared with fellow Peace Corps Catholics and Mongolian friends. I wore my silver Mongolian дээл, since this could be the only year I’m back for Christmas while a Peace Corps Volunteer.

During Mass, I remembered baby Wally when our new pastor spoke of baby Jesus. (Our past priest announced his relocation during my final Mass in the States seven months ago.) Anyway, babies are outstandingly helpless. They require others to survive and thrive. And humans seem biologically programmed to love and care about infants.

Yet I considered Easter Vigil (my favorite Mass), too, since our Midnight Mass began with a hymn like, “The Exultant.” So I felt somber, considering what mankind one day does to who was once this poor infant.

After Mass, I greeted a high school friend who’s stayed involved in Kiwanis Circle K International at UNLV and still sings in our local church’s choir. Like many, he felt astonished I could come home from Peace Corps but gleeful nonetheless.

Full Families

On Christmas Day, my visiting siblings, my younger siblings and I continued the movie-going tradition, seeing, “Knives Out.” I found it delightful, with heartwarming heroes and a clever cat-and-mouse adventure with contemporary themes. I loved its art. Plus Craig and Evans were hilariously not playing James Bond and Captain America.

That evening, our family had a wonderful dinner, with the Filipina family over. Unfortunately, my youngest brother decided to schedule for work that night, which aggravated Father. But, we still had a nice time. I like how my siblings’ ages merge well with their ages. (From oldest to youngest goes: their oldest sister, my older brother, me, their second oldest sister, my younger sister, my youngest sister, their youngest sister, my youngest brother.)

Plus, my half-brother, his wife and their son also attended. He sincerely thanked the other family’s mother that our dad had someone new in his life. I smiled, agreeing. It reminded me the speech he gave years ago in getting to know my mom.

The guest family’s oldest and second oldest sisters brought their boyfriends, and my older bro brought his girlfriend, too. We’d such a large Christmas dinner that we used the kitchen island counter space for food, then the dining room and ping pong tables for eating.

Following our meal, we exchanged gifts I’ll cover when I describe what I brought back to Mongolia.

Returning to Reno

After Christmas and further friend adventures (I’ll cover in a couple blogs from now), I flew up to Reno, my undergraduate city of four years. We’d a wedding coming.

I felt amazed to boomerang from my high school city to college town and back before my return to Asia. Even in Vegas’ airport, I saw college friends I hadn’t seen in years! Rather, they saw me, while I video called my professional mentor. They joked that they would have thrown Chex Mix at me, but they weren’t sure we had that kind of relationship. I would have loved it, haha.

On the flight, my friends gifted me two palm-fulls of Chex Mix. I felt elated. After take-off, I felt pleasantly surprised to hear and understand small talk around me. People behind me chatted about EDM music careers. From the window on my right, I saw how Nevada’s snowy mountains looked steeper than Mongolia’s. I continued rehearsing my wedding reading I copied down, Romans 12:1-2, 9-18.

As the flight neared landing, I gazed out the window and saw the familiar Sparks hill where the house my college friends and I rented stands. After landing, I felt weird somewhat recognizing the faces of uni students around in the airport. With a Reno-Sparks population over 500 thousand, though, “The Biggest Little City” stands five times larger than the “big” city where I serve in Mongolia.

Here to Serve

Just as I disembarked my plane began a funeral service across town for the mother of someone close to us all. While I didn’t have to come, I wanted to. I remembered how touched I felt by those who came to Mom’s funeral, even if they only met her briefly.

When I arrived, somewhat dazed, in the lobby, the soon-to-be-weds spotted me from the pews and walked out to greet me. They brought me to sit with them, beside other parishioners from our church I hadn’t been with in seven months. As the eulogies concluded, and our priest blessed the casket with the family, we sang together.

I felt at ease among such close friends. The service felt a warm reintroduction to my college town community. For, my trip home wasn’t meant quite for me. I meant to support.

First Wedding Party

That night, I reunited with and met the many of our wedding party for rehearsals. Rehearsals went smoothly. Afterward, the wedding party enjoyed pizza and wings with the bride and groom. I felt gleeful to catch up with some of my favorite faithful folks from my final years at university.

Between wedding rehearsals and Sunday Mass, I reunited with the choir I knew and loved singing with four years, including my confirmation sponsor. Even our instrumentalist who’d since left for graduate school returned to play. Just like old times.

That weekend, I also attended my first bachelors’/bachelorettes’ party. I felt much more relaxed among these people I’d known a while. I enjoyed the added benefit of having no college coursework to distract me from being present to those there. I felt honored to partake in the wedding tradition among such fun people.

Christian Love

The Monday morning of the wedding, one of our choir members had a family emergency, and I received the appointment to cantor our psalm, “To You O God, I Lift Up My Soul.” So I started rehearsing from the morning-of.

I wore the most eclectic outfit, including a normal pair of black slacks I’d known since high school in Vegas (before 2015), the golden silk shirt I bought in Beijing the 2017 week I first met Chinese relatives and the black suit jacket I bought in my Mongolian city for Teachers’ Day 2019. What a coincidence they asked me to wear golden colors, a suit and something traditional if I liked. These came together with my Reno boutonnière to form, for me, among my most meaningful outfits.

As the hours neared showtime, our jazz cue began, and I transitioned from greeting guests at the door and choir rehearsal to assembling for the procession in. I walked in with a close friend, who I loved chatting with. I especially loved the ringbearers with the rings on their sabers. Most special, our wedding party had front-row seats to witnessing the bride’s beautiful entry and seeing the heartfelt betrothals. I felt like such a cheerleader.

I stepped up to the ambo for what the groom called his favorite psalm. I prayed for the Holy Spirit to let me be the vessel. I sang with a little soul, yay. Seeing the couple’s and my choir members’ cheer gave me strength all the way to my high-note finish.

Then I closed the songbook I borrowed from the Grand Knight, prepared the mic once more, probably gave a curt smile, and began the reading from the letter of St. Paul to the Romans.

In Mongolia’s capital for the Peace Corps conferences, one night at dinner, one of my Catholic friends asked me my favorite Bible verse. I said, "Oh, I love these readings from Saint Paul, since he was my confirmation Saint. And reading his readings feels like reading a cosmic ancestor of mine. Especially, 'Do not conform yourselves to the pattern of this world but be transformed by the renewing of your mind'" (Romans 12:2). After that, I went to help my student and a teacher apply for summer fellowships to the U.S. that were due the next days. After finishing those a few hours, I finally opened the bride-to-be’s message to see exactly which Paul reading she sent me. As I got midway through reading it aloud to a friend, I realized this was Romans 12 and went, "OH MY GODDDD."

What a sacrament. I felt great hope that taking my time with relationships will lead to extraordinary joy. Choir members congratulated me on an amazing psalm. After Mass, our priest commended me as having delivered the best reading of Romans 12:1-2, 9-18 he’d ever heard. I felt stunned.

The wedding reception felt wonderful. I spent most of my time with the fencing group. I enjoyed their fellowship, and they enjoyed my energy. I’d spend my days up to New Year’s among the newlyweds and their family still.

Las Vegas and Nevada Grow on Me

Given the subtle ways Nevada reminds me of Mongolia, I felt myself starting to feel more at-home in the Sagebrush State than when I left. From Vegas to Reno and around.

I used to loathe telling people I’m from Vegas, actually. I usually note it as the city where my family lives. But, after seven months in Mongolia, I feel like even Vegas has its charm. Hearing Panic! At The Disco on a mall radio felt right at home.

Vegas lights appeal to many from many places—especially Asia, reports say. And that’s special. Mom liked this city.

Up next is my New Year’s 2020 experience, followed by my return to Mongolia through Beijing, China. You can read more from me here at DanielLang.me :)

#Peace Corps #Mongolia #memoir #story #Catholic #wedding #memoryLang #USA #Christmas #newyear #holiday #love #blessed #funeral #service #baby #winter #Reno #lasvegas #nevada

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