#when in rome wait wut

[luckhissoul]

GET TO KNOW THE MUN !

BASICS

BIRTHDAY : january 8th ( like elvis & bowie ok )

PRONOUNS: she / her

NAME : liz

ZODIAC :  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

FAVORITES

Favorite Author: robert jordan

Favorite Character from Literature : mat cauthon

Favorite Music Genre: i like all genres of music

Favorite Kind of Book: fantasy or horror 

Favorite Animal: raccoons ! swans !

Favorite Disney Cartoon : uhm my favorite princess when i was younger was cinderella so  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Favorite Video Games: i mean i haven’t REALLY played one since ocarina of time so 

Favorite Color: gray / white

Favorite Tv Shows: black sails, the borgias, vikings, dark. and i feel obligated to say wheel of time. even tho the book purist in me hates me for it. like i hate the show so much but i feel obligated. i’ve seen it 8 times. fml

Favorite Mythology:  greek  / roman

Favorite Food: noodles , cream cheese 

Favorite Actor: leonardo dicaprio

Favorite Countries: like i want to see a bunch of places but i can’t say i have a favorite because i haven’t left the us. lol

ROLEPLAY QUESTIONS

CANON OR OC:  both. but i use my canon characters more. i neglect my ocs lol

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN RPING : since i was a wee thing lol wait wut

WHO IS YOUR CURRENT FC : barney harris ( i love him sm for mat plz )

FAVEORITE GENRE :  everything ever plz and thank

SOFT MUSES OR EVIL MUSES : both are great. but on here? mat is so squishy lol so on here imma have to say soft lol 

WHAT IS YOUR PERFERED WRITING STYLE ? : third person ? and multi para usually ? 

HAVE YOU BEEN ON OTHER PLATFORMS ? : discord but  i’m selective af with rping there lol 

WHO IS YOUR TOP MUSE AT THE MOMENT ? : Mat is ofc. Mat is the greatest character to ever. i could go on about this but i won’t —

NAME YOUR MUSES YOU HAD IN THE PAST: sarah manning - orphan black , i had so many people from the tvd/to universe , vorenus - rome , james patrick march & tate langdon - ahs….i can’t remember all of them. for the most part i tossed most of them onto my multi. i had renly’s peach from asoiaf but that was crack…..loolololol 

tagged by :: @caracarnn​

tagging :: @windtold - @ycllowhaired - @impulse-incorporated - @shesdaylight - @honorhearted​

#;ooc

[f0xd13-blog]

When you are the best boxer because you say shit like it is

Remember i actually tried peace y'all just never realized it.. i said i was different but still some of us are mixed.. that ain't their culture because things are similar or they have gypsy or egyptian influence doesn't even belong to half the latrashtinos there... but they were the ones continuing to want it all for themselves

. This is recorded here.

They are stupid enough to think that i wasn't doing that with a purpose which is to fluentemente pass a message from asia and africa to all of them

So two thinks

Our stars always dead

Randy used to hightlight jews and their page if full of natives or jews... totally trying to already replace us

Asia is reading

Jewish kids behaving black, gypsy and russian hip hopers with bloodline and stars

Two natives , 1 jewish that can never fix his hair and face, a wannabe me dull af

Want to see his ufc match? I just need to say that and the fact mcmahon never forgav him it was the jews of course. Also i don believe in people that dress witha native shirt like he did before when he is in fact atheist and from an ashkanazi fam

We are even more united bitch no equality programs that end up with us ded

And no shade to messi i even feel bad for going for him coz i do think he isna nice guy but i'm waiting for him to mark a goal like this!

I will not do shit i oon'r need to do shit i'm just telling ya faith

So that check person never killedd anyone, hanas don exist as hostages they aree running away coz that"s what you would do if someone framed you as tserrorists (there's no videos of hostages ahahb and those children from that video looking happy and safe as hell wasn't even hostages, people of gaza have been purposly left out of israel on purpose most of them have disabilities, israel only exists as a old ass kingdom long gone and most recently from a colonization from 75 years ago when the holocaust happened and hitler actually never diedd just moved to palestine which was a country since idk ancient rome for example it was like that for centuries, the holocaust victims wasn't the jews but almost half of europe that is why you havs shitloads of land destroyed to this day and poor people that don exist as much in israel unless you are arabic andd suffer from racism, ukraine was a base for concentration camps, russia fought directly with nazi germany so they know wtf they are talking about, almost all the world realized this, if you search for the holocaust fotos they ar dressed romany and arabic as in turkish Muslim etc, even cogi children are being explored and suffered a holocasut there done by the jews again and they aree more black than the rock, the entire world knows about this except the usa, y'all literally started this multiple times... and what else? You beat off people at every part of the world oh and portugal payed a debt that was never theirs to israel for the armory they have now to kill people.

Well the last part unfortunately he was wrong

We was on our own lane... after years and years of abuse, and you still came after us again and i ain't supposed to say this? They go rape congo citizens and then send their missionaries to guilt trip the men like if it was even dem!!

Wwe's entire issue with wut i had to say is a saulty comment about germany that was started by them and yah they are teammates because they've togetherly put me on lithium and killed my kind if you think that is a joke maybe you better reavaluate your priorities specially because the entire world is watching and you're gonna lose deals like that coz you don play with this sort of shit...want an holocaust in the usa and then i say it was the germans?

Ps. Lez also not forget germans like to com here and ask why we have specific color... they say wow i was expecting for lighter skinned people... yah that happens when they don point to your skin and ask why wee have this color since we are european.. being asian pale like me which is in fact different skintone of black person

They literally don know anything about this side of europe and then be stupid af...

Japan might be dumb again because they hate russia but last time that happened they didn't end up well... and it wasn't the entire world againts them like this time around

#Instagram

[greekbros]

"greek-Bros: When in Rome, wait wut?; The Reboot Nobody Fucking Asked For"

*after two incidences with his sons, Zeus has recruited Hades and Poseidon to investigate why the living hell was so distracting about Rome*

Zeus: *poorly disguised as a shepard* Well, it is a mighty fine city indeed. It's almost comparable to Athens. Don't you think so?

Poseidon: *also poorly disguised as the world's most muscular fisherman* It is dear brother! Why even our statues here are incredibly beautiful!

Hades: *who's cleverly disgusted as an old lady* hmf.

Poseidon: What's the matter Hades? Disgruntled that you don't have a shrine dedicated to you?

Hades: No quite frankly I actually don't care about shrines or temples in my honor. *Looks around and sees the same issues that the Bois saw* .....why do the mortals here call me Pluto?

Zeus and Poseidon: *both laugh at that*

Hades: Hahaha, laugh all you want.

Centurion: YOU TWO! How DARE you laugh at that poor, ugly old crone! You're under arrest for harassing the elderly!

Hades: *grins*

Zeus: *having absolutly none of this BS* .......

Poseidon: Ugh but sir we-

Centurion: *takes out cuffs and chains, FuCkInG puts them on Zeus and Poseidon* You're coming downtown! *Drags the both of them*

Zeus: *glares into space completely understanding why his sons tried to destroy Rome*

Poseidon: But sir! You can't just thrown people in jail for laughing!

Centurion: *in a completely casual tone* I deeply sorry sir but as of late there has been a zero tolerance policy throughout the city, orders say we MUST make an immediate arrest and put you through the identification process.

Hades: *still as an old crone clicks heels and walks away to sight see*

*later*

Mortus: *looming in the dark corner of the interrogation room, walks slowly to the table and slams his fist*.....where were you on the day of the Coliseum's destruction... And if you weren't there where were you on the day of its reopening?

An innocent bean farmer: *shaking in fear* ugh....in my field sir?

Mortus: *glares at the farmer*

A Centurion: *walks in the room* Sir! We have more prisoners! I think you maybe interested in these two.

Mortus: *slowly turns around* ......if this is another dead end.... you're joining the rest of the scum at the crucifixion field.

A Centurion: *gulps* ....y-yes sir.

Mortus: Bring them in...oh and release this one.

Bean Farmer: *just fucking bolts out of the room*

Mortus: .....

Centurion: *brings in Zeus, whom already looks a little claustrophobic in the already small room* There's a second one outside.

*outside*

Poseidon: *apparently has attracted the attention of many young beautiful women* Fear not Roman citizens! For I Po-*thinks of a name*...uhm...Paul.... understands your infatuation, but alas I am happily married, BUT let that not stop you from admiring my very being! *Tries to flex while handcuffed*

The small crowd of women: *swooned*

A Centurion: oh shut up.

*inside*

Mortus: *actually a little intimidated by Zeus and his stone cold resting death face*....Well now....you rather large for a shepard. Retired I suppose?

Zeus: ....no.

Mortus: Than what is your occupation?

Zeus: ......I do not think you have the jurisdiction to ask me.

Mortus: *getting angry* Where were you when the Coliseum was being destroyed!?

Zeus: .... Probably with your mother, who I would be certain would be very ashamed that her son has decided to harass the elderly.

Mortus: *steaming mad* YOU WILL ANSWER THE QUESTION!

Zeus: I want to speak with my lawyer.

Mortus: WHAT?!?

A Centurion: Um sir, we have a Mr-*looks at a crudly written card* Plutonium? He's a law maker and legally represents the detainee.

Mortus: *feeling a cold sweat as if the devil has entered the building, looks at Zeus*

Zeus: *smiling*

Mortus: ....bring him in.

Hades: *now looks more like a mortal version of himself but now carries a satchel* Good evening my name is Cryus Plutonium and I have heard my client and his brother have been unlawfully detained. *Places a scroll on the table* Sir if I may infer, I've been working several weeks in the law office and I have found no evidence of this new "Zero tolerance policy". So I do believe you have no legal right to detain and must release him-

Poseidon: *from outside* AND ME!

Hades: -and his brother.

Mortus: *stares in disbelief* ....what.

Hades: *slowly walks to Zeus and unbinds him*

Zeus: thank you.

Hades: Now. Let us l-*feels a sword near his next* ......

Mortus: *has just about snapped* .....I've been after you and your mutant kin for a whole year and three months.....you owe not just me....but you owe the empire....an explanation.

Hades: ............

Zeus: ...........*lifts a finger, shocks him and tases Mortus, knocking him cold* ................you know something.......I think I finally understand why the children hate this place.

Hades: *shakes his head, as the two leave they see poseidon just flexing for a small crowd while the Centurion who was gaurding him is tied to a support beam*

A Centurion: Please help me.

Zeus: *points and sarcastically smiles* No. *Walks to Poseidon and drags him* It's time to go.

Poseidon: Awww....but I was just getting the crowd warmed up!

Hades: Let's just say they'll be warmed up with a few weeks of heavy thunderstorms.

Poseidon: .....can there be earthqu-

Zeus: You may bury the lot.

Poseidon: *smiles* Huzzah!

Hades: Or....we can be a little less intrusive.

Zeus: Fine, I shall ask Odin if he wants to help.

Hades: Yes my thoughts exactly.

Zeus: *still angry until he sees Octavia and little Caius and suddenly feels a little odd*......Hades.

Hades: yes

Zeus: I understand you don't have children...but what are the chances that one of my sons may have left something behind.

Hades: *trying to understand what Zeus meant until he saw Caius* Hmm....oh come now you're not going to take the child away from. His mother....or..... fornicate with her.....are you?

Zeus: .....oh damn it all....we can't destroy this city........

Poseidon: *in a singsong tone* I can! *Suddenly a little rumble starts until Zeus bonks him on the head* ~°

Zeus: No....the city of Rome...if officially protected.

Hades: ........all this because there's a bastard grandson around here isn't it?

Zeus: Silence Hades. Look at him, not a care in the world. Enjoying his moments with his dear mother talking to Hera a-WHAT THE?!?!

Hades: Wait Hera is here??

Poseidon: *rubbing his head* Hey look! It's Amphitrite too!

Hera: *talking to Octavia* Oh yes, married life is great but have you ever considered divorce?

Octavia: Oh heavens no, even though my husband has been rather distent. I'm positive he isn't in an adulterous relationship. That's punishable but crucifixion here.

Amphitrite: Well yes darling, for the WOMEN, men here get away with it scot-free.

Octavia: Oh heavens no.

Caius: *squirming a little*

Octavia: aww what the matter deary.

Hera: *knotices that Caius has few enough features of Zeus to be related but not directly enough to be his son* Aw what an adorable little baby boy. Who's the father?

Octavia: oh I'm happily married to General Mortus Biccus.

Hera: hmm....

Zeus: Oh there you are my beautiful, wonderful and not here to make sure I'm cheating on her wife! *Grits teeth* what are you doing here?!

Hera: ....I was wondering the same thing. I'm here shopping for some exotic fruits.

Amphitrite: *shows her basket of bananas*

Zeus: Oh.

Poseidon: *enthralled by the bananas* ohhhh.....

Hades: Well....I guess we can all go home then.

Octavia: Oh my! This must be your husband. You must be very lucky to have married such a big strong man.

Hera: *unamused* I am so blessed.

Zeus: *puts his arm around her* not as blessed as I am to be married to her.

Octavia: aww.

Caius: *kinda happy sensing he's found grandma and grandpa* c:

Zeus: *now getting a closer look, the baby literally looks like a spitting image of Hermes* oh my.

Mortus: THERE YOU ARE! *huffing and puffing from running* You are all under arrest!

Octavia: Oh Mortus, don't be so rude to these fine people they have done nothing wrong.

Mortus: This man shot LIGHTNING out of his finger! And that one *points to Hades* is...well he's just scary and THAT one is just annoying! *points to Poseidon*

Poseidon and Amphitrite: *sharing a banana and suddenly stop* hmf?

Mortus: These men are connected to the destruction of the coliseum last year and the disappearance of Gaius!

Zeus: ....Oh! You mean my sons? Oh yes they're actually harmless. You see, they're traveling magicians and they perform fantastic illusions!

Mortus: NO! FUCK YPU OLD MAN! I know what the people saw! Clearly something is going on! ...my suspensions are...that you...and your cohorts.....are demons!

Octavia: Mortus!

Caius: :c

Zeus: ....oh that's rather rude.

Hera: Now hang on a minute. Let's prove our innocence.

Zeus: Hera what are you doing?

Hera: .....you know, the gods are technically innocent....and exempt from being accused of any crime.

Mortus: *tempted to mention Emperor Caligula and his recent campaign against Poseidon but decided not to*

Hera: ...so...if we were gods...we would be innocent.

Octavia: Hmm...she does have a point.

Mortus: What are you getting at?

Zeus: *deep sigh* Fine...I lied.....me...my lovely wife and my brothers....are all gods......I'm actually Zeus, she's Hera and so on and so forth. My sons are were Apollo, Hermes and Dionysus....you see....it's likely their fault for losing their tempers, I apologize for that too. And I apologize for shocking you but you did threaten to crucify me.

Mortus: ..........*starts laughing hysterically and has officially lost his mind*

Octavia: Oh dear. Let's go honey, I must apologize for my husband's behavior. He's been working day and night. Oh sweetheart let's go.

Caius: byebye c: *waves*

Mortus: *while laughing like a mad man* HAHAHAH wait! I HAVE to know this but IS Caius here yours?!? HAHAHAHA I mean, I don't have BALLS! HAHAHAHAHAHA *gets dragged back home*

Zeus: ......you didn't help with that last portion did you?

Hera: No. I figured a man who looked as pathetic and desperate like that probably was already at his wit's end.... Speaking of which is that child yours?

Zeus: hmm....

*back at Olypmus*

Zeus: *pulls the ears of Hermes and Dionysus*

Hera: *helping with the situation and pulls Apollo's and Ares's ear*

Zeus: You boys are forbidden from returning to Rome. And as for you Hermes....it's one thing frolicking with farm maidens with incompetent husbands....but a war general with no testicles?....shame on you.

Hermes: *knows what he's talking about*.....worth it. *Feeling his ear getting pulled* ow~°

#Zeus #when in rome wait wut #greek-Bros #greek bros #greek gods #roman vs greek jokes #hera #poseidon #hades #Amphitrite #dionysus #Apollo #ares #hermes

[shadlad24]

More Funny Little Moments #1: Season 1, Episodes 1-12

So, I decided to do this post after all. Halp. LOL Because I apparently LOVE giving myself a bunch of unnecessary work, I decided to choose two to three extra moments, per episode! SUPER halp! X’D Anyway, these are moments that didn’t make the cut for my FFLM series because: my sense of humor is a little weird, they were gonna be too much work (LOL/Siiigh), I like to highlight patterns, and I don’t like a lot of repetition. [Links to each FFLM along the bottom of the post. :)]

Let’s start with something I originally agreed with other fans on but have since changed my mind. A lot of people didn’t like this part of “Chariots of War” because it seems so ludicrous that Xena would forget her chakram anywhere. Well, let me tell you! This lady has left her weapons behind most episodes thus far. I didn’t note it every time here (and especially didn’t bother with her whip) because that’d really overrun the post buuuuut… You’ll see. XD

1.01 Sins of the Past

Xena’s shift being so much dirtier than the little boy’s clothes though she’s high up off the ground, and he lives in smoked-out rubble.

Yup. Xena forgot her sword (and later, her main saddlebag) at her mother’s tavern. Pft.

Sorry these were kinda lame, but I didn’t want to re-use any more of the original fifteen points I made about this episode... Ah well. Moving on! (heh)

1.02 Chariots of War

Xena loses her sword after the chariot crash, taking up and discarding Sphaerus’s but walking off without her own. (See her front and back and both of Argo’s sides.)

Gabrielle chewing Xena out, Xena being bummed about it, and Argo being surprised. X’D

1.03 Dreamworker

This got me good. Gabrielle does Xena’s war cry so well here that I really thought it was Xena for a few seconds. Realizing it was GabbyWabs only made me chuckle more because she apparently can’t do it when it really counts in “The Greater Good.”

Argo NOT being on Team Gabrielle. XD (Their feud is a little funny to me.)

1.04 Cradle of Hope

Xena tossing aside her sword after killing Nemos. Extras even dance and celebrate right on top of it! Wut thuh?

I decided to avoid mentioning Hope in the FFLM because Xena’s quote here is more ironic than comedic, and Gabrielle’s little face is just so sad, but I didn’t want to let it pass by entirely unremarked upon. At least GW gets to show off her oracle skills again? :’)

1.05 The Path Not Taken

So, Xena and Gabrielle walk into a bar… Heh. No, but really, they enter this tavern for the first time ever, yet the bartender not only knows what they want, he knows that they’re coming and has their drinks waiting for them too. All Xena has to do is knock on the counter and nod to get her fire-breath alcohol/oil, and Gabrielle barely has the word “cider” out of her mouth before the guy hands it to her. Xena, like me, is duly amazed.

Lucy, through Xena, making another timely anti-peanut statement. I just didn’t want to do the same thing twice back-to-back in the FFLM. X)

1.06 The Reckoning

Gabrielle thinking along the same lines Xena and I did about this poor excuse for a judge.

Me not being well-versed in ancient Greek heroes and picturing the fool who Draco killed so handily in the first episode. heh

1.07 The Titans

I’ll let Xena explain this one. …Mostly. I can’t believe Gabrielle not only sassed the Titans such that she unashamedly put Xena and Phyleus in danger too, but also kinda got this (admittedly awful) town demolished and didn’t lift a finger to actually help anyone in the temple. Tsk tsk. XP

So… Hyperion here can smash homes and businesses that were probably well-built and reinforced and all, but he can’t get his hand out of a stocks-cuff that was made in a single evening with scraps from those destroyed buildings. He also, inexplicably, has no use of his left hand or the power-breath that he used to knock Gabrielle over. Okie. XD

1.08 Prometheus

Is this really a thing? I was giggling quite a bit in disbelief that severed windpipes can heal. Like, perforated is one thing; completely bisected? Yeah, I don’t think so.

Gabrielle being incredulous upon learning that Xena has other friends, realizing what the warrior princess means, and then wondering if that could be her one day. 

   1.09 Death in Chains

Gabrielle enjoying watching Xena kill someone for the first time, then quickly realizing that fact. Whoops.

I found this moment really odd and then kind of hilarious. This poor dying old woman begs for water and goes ignored not only by the hospice workers, but also Talus and Gabrielle. Then Talus decides to be helpful. Gabrielle goes to the woman and lets her talk a lot (undoubtedly drying her mouth and throat even more), hears that Xena might be in danger, and then just… leaves. Talus goes with her, not having gotten water from the well after all. What a couple of jerks! XD

1.10 Hooves & Harlots

I really don’t know why Gabrielle kept making this face as Terreis died, but it tickled my funny bone too. So, I provided alternate subs to go with it. [Did you notice how she kind of cringes when Terreis tries to hold her hand and then just lets the Amazon flop once she’s died, flinging her hand aside like, “Ew, get it off me!”? What was that all about? X”) Hm… maybe she has an aversion to dying people, and that’s why she abandoned the old lady last episode?]

Gabrielle being a smart aleck, just like me, because Phantes’s complaint here is so ludicrous. But then you see the close-up of little hoofies in cuffs too, and, if you’re anything like me too, kinda just topple over laughing. The poor actual horse they did this to, though, man! What even?

Gosh, this episode was chockfull of hilarity, eh? Why did this happen? Gabby, take it away!

1.11 The Black Wolf

I laughed at this too. But now I wonder. Is Xerxes related to Caesar and/or connected to Rome or something? Because Xena does this twice around them too. In “When in Rome,” she jokes that the two guards lost playing tag with her, and in “A Good Day” she informs Pompey that if there were more guards hiding around their meeting space, then she would have had more helmets. heh Oh, Xenie. I think I know why Gabrielle’s turning out to be such a little punk ...or vice versa? Is Gabrielle actually a bit of a bad influence on Xena? XP

So, this fight just struck me as really odd. Xena passes her sword to Flora though she (Xena) needs to battle the big boss of the episode, and… actually, is totally right. The king throws a single wide-ass punch, waits while Xena kicks the guy behind her a few times, lets himself get kicked in the face a couple of times, and then comes at her with a little piece of chain, presumably from the restraints that were intended to keep Flora in place during her execution. Sir, you have a sword! A giant sword, right there on your hip! What are you doing? Then, when Xena kicks him a final time and sends him flying, his (supposed-to-be) metal armor is no match for the splintered wood of the axe she broke earlier. …Okie. XD XD XD   *gif below*

Xena once again leaves her chakram somewhere. …And I am now imagining this being part of Gabrielle’s maid duties: the poor kid has to go find Xena’s weapons each night and bring them back to her. I’m especially imaging the fluffball hilariously, adorably struggling to get the chakram out of things like this wall, as she did with Xena’s sword in the tree stump in “Dreamworker,” but more parallel to the floor. Cuuuute! XD

This plus this 

*pic + GIF below*:

1.12 Beware Greeks Bearing Gifts

This scene too really made me wonder, though amused as well. Why is Gabrielle so surprised that the only city nearby, that they were headed to, is the one they find? Is she really being that loud? Is Xena goofing around with the bootlaces question? Why startle Gabrielle and then yank her into enemy territory screaming, when what you want is quiet? What’s with the trapdoor-spider soldiers? Xena’s pose throwing the chakram. XD Gabrielle mostly featherlight dance-y moves through the battlefield. XD XD XD Why is it that when Xena tells Gabrielle to stick right behind her, Gabrielle disappears? And what was with the bucket-sitting soldier? Gabrielle is like, “Oh; no, thank you!” when she sees him and turns tail. Then Xena ...follows her. “We’re goin’ this way! Now we’re goin’ that way!” But they still end up dead-ahead from where they burst out of the bushes. XD That was ridiculous and nonsensical, and I’m very confused but had lots of fun. heheheh  *gif below* [ETA: Darn! The original file was too big, so I had to remake the GIF and cut quite a few things out. :( Sorry]

Xena’s outta-nowhere crusade to emasculate Deiphobus coming full-circle. What was that all about?

Welp, I hope you had as much fun as I originally and then later did. Not so much in the middle with the collage-and-GIF-making and editing and redoing, but; y’know. XD Wouldn’t trade it for …Hm… Nevermind. LOL

If you missed any of the FFLMs, then please click on the corresponding number-links below. :D

#1  #2  #3  #4  #5 #6 #7 #8 #9 #10 #11 #12

#xwp #xena #xena warrior princess #gabrielle #xena and gabrielle #fflm #funny #comedy #season 1 #forgetful #magic #shenanigans #argo #chakram #sword

[nofomogirl]

Crowley couldn’t get a clue either

So let’s talk Good Omens and The Ineffable Couple. I’ve noticed people keep saying how Aziraphale was an idiot and couldn’t get a clue for 6000 but can we please appreciate how it’s always the angel who tries to ask Crowley out and the demon doesn’t seem to quite grasp the concept of a date? You know, just spending some quality time together for no other reason than to enjoy each other’s company. 

1. Rome: Aziraphale is thrilled to see Crowley and tries to invite him for lunch/dinner but his choice of words isn’t the most fortunate, Crowley gives him the LOL WUT? stare, Aziraphale gets embarassed and drops the subject.

2. Globe Theatre: Crowley calls the meeting but Aziraphale gets to choose the place. And he decides it would be nice if they’d go and see a play together. But bad luck again, it’s a dud and they’re a bit too conspisuous for it to work, oh well, we’ll try another time.

3. Bastille: SUCCESS! FINALLY! (and I totally accept the headcanon that Aziraphale staged the whole thing)

Then there’s St. James Park, where things get too serious too quickly and end in a falling out, the Blitz when love is in the air in such a density that Aziraphale just ends up speachless and practically paralyzed, and 1967 when again the thoughts of what might happen are too heavy on angels’s chest, and finally

4. 11 years ago, right after delivering the Antichrist Crowley invites Aziraphale. Note two things. First is that Crowley doesn’t do it so they could just hang out but to buy himself more time to convince Aziraphale to help him stop the Apocalypse. Second is how Aziraphale reacts. Let’s go though the entire thing.

Crowley: Let’s have lunch!

Aziraphale immediately stops in his track despite being in an ABSOLUTELY NOT mode just a secong ago. He can have his own lunch whenever he wants but vision of having it with Crowley is just too appealing to ignore.

Crowley: I still owe you one. From...

Aziraphale: Paris. 1793.

Every time I watch this scene I can’t help but laugh at how sour Aziraphale’s face is when he says it. Oh, he remembers very well when and where their last and so far the only proper date was. And he’s like “B*tch, I’ve been waiting for over 200 years for you to ask me out in return and NOW you’ve just happened to remember when you want something from me, huh?”

But hey, it’s a date, angel knows not to be picky!

#good omens #good omens meta #ineffable husbands #ineffable couple #ineffable meta #aziraphale #crowley #how to ask a demon out

[dystovian]

(Hera goddess AU) Omfg I can just picture Pidge being like "??? If she was in there don't you think she's dangerous" then they all look over to Hera who spots the mice and is instantly in love with them; she runs over to pet them but falls on her face and the paladins are like ???? Bitch you thought ??? The only thing dangerous about her is her magnetic nose that is constantly being pulled to the floor like wut ???

Ok ok ok ok Iove the Mythology AU my anon buddies have cooked up. How bout something similar to the statue one but now there’s a little antique-so thingy that is on display in Allura’s castle, little is really known about it other than it has been passed down for centuries. One day one of the paladins bump into it and it shatters on the floor; a bright light emanates from the pieces and reveals the goddess Hera (Queen of the Gods; reader). (P1)

(P2) Allura was mad af at first but now she’s like “wtf Coran did you know about this?” They asked for her name but OH NO! She can only remember her name, Hera, and can’t remember anything about her background due to being entrapped in the artifact for so damn long. One of the paladins (maybe pidge idk) start to think that she is dangerous because she was put in there to be kept away from everything, but soon they all realized that she was stored away so something could be kept from her…

(P3) about the Goddess Hera: she is a very patient and motherly disposition, looking after all of those she cares about. Her patience is made of steel and she hardly ever gets angry. Many say she is gullible but she actually sees more than they think. however she sometimes has a tendency to let people step all over her even when she knows they are doing it. She was a powerful queen who ruled over the heavens and the earth, responsible for every aspect of existence.

(P4) she has super strength, immortality, and resistance to injury, and because of the particular section of Greek Life that she resided over she had that ability to bless and curse marriages. She was also able to protect women from rape, death during childbirth, and help preserve the health of women. Now, “who would want her” you must ask!! Well of course The Galra of course!! Her legend has also been passed down many centuries, once word spread back to them, they were interested once again DUN

I’ll most likely be doing a part 2! But I’m not sure yet, it depends really

“What shop do you speak of, Pidge?” Allura asked, Pidge dragged her by her hand along the halls. Leading her to a small room that held a small shop. Statues and tools lie everywhere, and each of the Paladins gazed at something foreign.

“Oh! This is something my family has owned for a long time! It gets passed down along the generations!” Allura grinned, showing that she’s forgotten about it due to the busy time she’s been having. She immediately went around and looked for things that her and her father used to gaze in wonder at.

“Ah!” Hunk shouted. Lance had tripped and bumped into him, causing his shoulder to tap into the statue that stood in the center, he reached for it, grasping the stone hand. That only swung it even faster toward the ground, causing it to shatter. Coran appeared at the door and gasped, everyone did, in fact. Staring wide eyed at the shattered pieces of stone scattered along the floor. Before Allura and Shiro could scold Hunk, the room began to glow an eerie green. It was slow and steady, foggy and bright and no one could see a thing.

“Hello.” You said, now sitting criss cross on the floor, hands in your lap. The Paladins all stared at you in disbelief, though you had no idea why, you were just sitting down. Maybe it’s a bad thing? You stood, brushing the debris off of your gown and grinning. Fingers interlocked as you bowed and said yet another greeting.

“Coran, care to explain?” Allura said, still frozen in place. Coran coughed and shrugged, he had no idea what just happened and if anything, he was more confused than anybody in the shop. Shiro stepped forward, smiling awkwardly before shrugging as well. He had no idea what to do. Hunk as well, as he still stood by the pedestal where you once stood, fingers covering his mouth and his eyes wide. Allura approached you, standing a few feet away as she smiled. Quite passive-aggressive, may I add.

“You’re name?”

“Hello! I’m Hera!” A closed-smile spread by your lips and you grabbed her arm. Shaking her hand and grasping her elbow. Allura smiled, while the Paladins stopped. Hera? Isn’t she the Queen of the Gods?

“Wait? Hera? Like, Queen of The Gods Hera? Like, Zeus and Aphrodite?” Lance spoke first, stepping forward and glaring in disbelief. Not only were they in the presence of a Goddess, but then the Gods were maybe real, and all those History Lessons on Ancient Greece and Rome were actually necessary.

“Yes! Have you seen them around? The last thing I remember is…oh.” You stopped, becoming very confused.

“What is it?” Shiro asked.

“I can’t remember anything.” You poured, jutting out your hip as you bent your knee, a finger tapping your nose as you tried so very hard to remember.

“Shiro, come here.” Keith whispered, Shiro approached him and waved over the others while Coran kept you busy. Turns out, both Pidge, Hunk, and Keith couldn’t trust you one bit.

“I don’t think we should keep her, I don’t know, alive anymore? She was put in that statue for a reason, most likely to trap her so she couldn’t do anything bad.” Pidge whispered, they all turned to look at you. You gasped and clapped your hands as you saw the mice.

“Oh! How adorable!” You grinned, jogging over to them only to trip over your gown, your cheek slapping into the ground as you giggled and gathered the mice in your arms. Lance turned to Pidge with a rather unamused facial expression, and playfully shoved their shoulder.

“Yeah, Pidge, I think we should just sit her down and ask her some questions. See if she actually lost her memory or not.” Shiro said, dismissing them as they led you to the dining room.

“So, your name is Hera. That’s all you can remember?” Keith asked, elbows on his knees as he grew even more curious about you. You began to think again, fingers tapping against the white table. The golden rings on your fingers bringing echoes amongst the room.

“Well. I don’t remember much about the past, but I do know my abilities,” you said, sitting up straighter before continuing. “I have immortality, I don’t get hurt at all, and I may have super strength! That’s all I really remember though…” you sighed, slouching once again as your tapped your rings against the hard table.

“Do you know why you were, correct me if I’m wrong, out into a statue?”

“Well actually, I wasn’t really put into the statue, they kind of just put my soul into a cast and filled it with cement. That is one thing I remember as well. And no, I’m afraid I have no clue as to why they encased my soul in granite. Not at all, and quite frankly it’s starting to make me upset.” Now you stood, being careful as you held the fabric of your green dress up. Next thing they know, they started to believe that perhaps your were in there to be kept safe. But why? And from who?

“The Galra.” Lance scoffed, rolling his eyes. It made him angry, why did the Galra have to be so greedy. And now, Lance’s statement had Allura once again asking if Coran knew about this. To which he once again, said he had no idea what was going on. He said, that maybe King Alfor wanted it to be kept secret for this exact reason.

“Well, I suppose I could go search for my home? I wouldn’t like to be a bother and cause any unnecessary trouble for you.” You said, fumbling with your hands as your face grew more and more worried. The others stood and reassured to you that they’d keep you safe, and that you weren’t a bother at all.

“Oh! Well thank you, that’s very kind. But I should at least find my home, there has to be someone or something that could provide me some help.”

#voltron #vld #voltron legendary defender #voltron allura #voltron coran #allura #coran #hunk garrett #takashi shirogane #shiro #pidge #pidge gunderson #lance #lance mcclain #keith #keith kogane #voltron x reader #voltron god au #voltron au #flabbywalruso3o

[greekbros]

"greek-Bros: When in Rome, wait wut?" (Prt4)

*several months have passed since the boi's visit to Rome, a general Mortus Biccus was assigned to invest this supernatural attack on Rome*

Mortus: (Gaius's strict boss and husband to his sister Octavia) ....*steps into a room with string and pins to pieces of information about what happened that day at the coliseum like a Noir detective* ....that faithful day where dark and unnatural forces threatened my good city of Rome. What happened that day no one will ever forget. The near complete destruction of the coliseum, the illegal freeing of slaves, the disappearance of Gaius...and...some really attractive man.......the mystery only unravels more and more questions........one day....the answers will come to light and the criminals in charge of this attack on Rome will be crucified upon the highest mountains never to have the hope of ever returning.

Octavia: *at this point several months pregnant* sweetheart, dinner is ready!

Mortus: *sternly walks to the table to eat dinner* .....*looks at his wife* ...... Octavia.

Octavia: yes love?

Mortus: Do you remember that chariot accident that I had before we married, that completely destroyed my testicles to the point of amputation?

Octavia: Is this about the baby? I went to Dr.Viagrus about it and he fully confirms it's a miracle from ours gods sweetheart, I would never be unfaithful. Besides, how could I knowing very well that I have LITERALLY had sex with you a total of 3 times last year.

Mortus: *goes back to his Noir detective inner monologue* {and Octavia's miraculous pregnancy, have the gods given me a child to motivate me to solve this mystery. Only Jupiter knows.} I apologise Octavia for ever doubting our marriage.

Octavia: oh honey, I know it's hard and I'm mostly alone *cries a little* now that my dear brother is missing.

Mortus: yes...... Gaius.....his disappearance can only mean one thing, he must have had a hand in all of this...he is.... TRAITOR to Rome.

Octavia: Mortus no!

Mortus: Cry no more dear wife, with our child on the way, Rome will gain another bright citizen.

*in Olympus*

Gaius: so.......Mercu-

Hermes: *drinking ambrosia* Hermes, it's hermes dude.

Gaius: Hermes.......did you actually fuck my sister?

Hermes: *spits the ambrosia out completely remembering he actually had sex with Gaius's sister* OH FUK I FORGOT! ....nah she'll be fine. Hera isn't interested in my kids anyway.

Gaius: *fucker pissed that Hermes did fuck his sister*

Apollo: *embracs him* shhhhhh happy thoughts my sunshine. *Gentle kiss*

#greek bros #greek gods #greek myth memes #greek mythology #apollo #hermes #roman vs greek jokes #blood of zeus #when in rome wait wut

[greekbros]

"greek-Bros: When in Rome, wait wut" (part 2)

Apollo: *trying to find a better way to cover his hair* oh absolutely ridiculous! I can't believe I'm being pursued for my own hair.

Hermes: relax, I have an idea. What's your favorite shade of brown?

Apollo: ........you're not rubbing MUD on me.

Dionysus: are you sure...cus it's either fight mortals in the coliseum or be someone's fuck toy.

Apollo: .....fine. As long as it isn't any disgusting.

Hermes: *runs in a flash to get statue paint* I brought three different colors so we can a swatch going.

Apollo: fair enough.

Dionysus: *leans back and thinks a little* he hermes.

Hermes: *mixing a very nice rich light brown color* yes?

Dionysus: since there's a likely hood of you getting a more expanded tour of the city...any good places to eat?

Hermes: *sigh* they eat a little more protein here but I guess there's a few places.

*elsewhere in the afternoon*

Gaius: (the Roman guard who nearly arrested apollo): *comes home where he lives with his sister and her husband/his boss, Mortus* hello Octavia.

Octavia: Oh welcome home Gaius, how was your early morning shift?

Gaius: I tried arresting this supernaturally pretty man until his weird slave owner came and gave me fake documents! Than I had to report this to Mortus and-

Octavia: Oh that reminds me he came over today, oh and he was so affectionate.

Gaius: ...what? When?

Octavia: Oh just around 10 past noon. My goodness he isn't usually so...well.... energetic but we just had such a wonderful time.

Gaius: .....*remembering he was talking Mortus around the same time* .....*looks at the note* .....no.....can it be?....*crushes the note in his hands* ILL GET THOSE THREE GREEK BARBARIANS IF ITS THE LAST THING I DO! *runs out of the house*

Octavia: *completely confused* ....Hmmm....oh I hope Mortus is in the mood again.

*back to the bros*

Hermes: and done.

Dionysus: ....hey um hermes, you know when some of the theater troops back home paint their hair a different color and they don't do such a good job at it....and the roots appear?

Hermes: yeah?

Dionysus: this looks like this only in reverse.

Apollo: *has normal brown hair but his roots are literally glowing* ......is it bad?

Dionysus: no....just ugh....... don't stand in the shade ok?

Apollo: ok.

Hermes: ok...where to next?

*the trio go and find food*

Hermes: ....sir are you sure you can't just...I don't know......leave the Sapa here for my poor brother? He's more use to stronger wines.

Roman Waiter: I'm afraid I can not, anymore and I would be disservicing your brother. Surly as a wine brewer himself and as a defacto follower of Bacchus should know that such quantities are socially forbidden.

Dionysus: *getting mildly triggered by the name Bacchus* Um...my good sir....if I don't get strong tasting wine in me right now.....I swear by zeus himself there will be hell to pay. *Has already drank his travel supply, he can't visibly make more wine and looks tired as hell) plus it would be an absolute shame to pair some of these fine dishes with diluted wine.

Apollo: yes, it's for medicinal reasons.

Roman Waiter: *deeply sighs* Fine sir, but do not blame me if anyone treats you otherwise. *Leaves*

Dionysus: .....why are these people so mean?

Hermes: *enjoying the bread*

*of in the distance, Gaius is running around looking for the bois*

Gaius: *shows a merchant the drachma* HAVE YOU SEEN SOMEONE WHO LOOKS LIKE THIS?!? HIS MASTER FUCKED MY SISTER AND I WANT TO ARREST HIM!

Merchant: ....uhm...you're looking for a man who looks just like the sun god Phoebus?

Gaius: Yes. I desire to arrest his slave master.

Merchant: ..... inspite of the fact you are a loyal roman guard who has dedicated his service to the empire.....I'm going to ban you from my fruit stand if you do not leave me alone...you crazy, crazy sad little man.

Gaius: Is this about your cousin Brutus? I know it wasn't fair but he shouldn't have been publicly urinating.

Merchant: .....please leave.

Hermes: *sees Gaius* ....hey um Apollo, your roman boyfriend is back. Better be careful or he'll arrest you again for being too hot.

Apollo: *sees him* oh I don't blame him. He's just doing his job....even if it's completely morally apprehensible. Buuuut he isn't too hard on the eyes. *stares at Gaius's butt*

Hermes: dude come on....

Apollo: I'm not going to do it.

Dionysus: *chugs the wine but it just isn't the same* oh myself why is it so damn bland?! You guys got any ambrosia or something?

Apollo: *gives his flask* here drink up.

Dionysus: *drinks*

Hermes: dionysus are you sure you can't just change water into wine?

Dionysus: dude are you crazy. The last time someone did that, till this day his followers are being sent *points dramatically to the coliseum* there.

Hermes: *feels that there is an GREAT opportunity to cause problems* ....let's go there.

Apollo and Dionysus: wut?

#greek bros #greek gods #greek myth memes #greek vs roman humor #apollo #hermes #dionysus #when in rome wait wut #behold the first 4 parter #blood of zeus

[greekbros]

"greek-Bros: Phallic Judgement"

*Surprisingly, Dionysus had gone back to Rome to cause more mischief with Hermes, this time they've brought Ares along*

Dionysus: *again disguised as a wine seller* ok gentlemen, behold. The foulest creatures to crawl on the face of the earth. *Shows just random Roman citizens*

Ares: *who for some reason decided he wanted to disguise himself as the world's most intimidating slave* ......ugh....the goats? *Sees a goat*

Hermes: *cleverly disgusted as farmer* haha no. You see, these guys are absolutely weird. They insist of "rationing" Sapa, they have taxes for literally existing and above all.....their wine is watered down! But they have the best bread I've ever tasted though.

Ares: ... really?

Dionysus: don't be fooled by their baked goods my dudes. These are cruel and unrelenting scum folk. Uncultured, ignorant, and above all....they've inslaved every single country they've conquered.

Hermes: .....it's mostly about the wine isn't it?

Dionysus: ....*turns dramatically* their most unforgiving sin.

Ares: *has wondered off to see a statue of himself*.....my dick isn't THAT small.......*looks at the name plate saying "Mars"* ......I can't believe these guys misspelled my name....*takes some charcoal, scratches out Mars and writes Ares*

Centurion Gaurd: Excuse me slave! Where is your master! Slaves are not allowed near the devine statue of the gods.*sees that Ares has wrote his name on the statue's nameplate* What the?

Ares: *doesn't know the centurion was referring to him considering he's in disguise* .........*turns to the see the back of the statue* ....at least they got the ass right.

Centurion Gaurd: EXCUSE ME! Please stop making remarks about the sacred statue! You've defaced sacred property!

Ares: *slowly peaks over to the centurion* ....hey ugh there's a thing on your helmet*

Centurion Gaurd: oh really? *Pats around his helmet* where?

Ares: *points to the centurion's face* There's a shit attitude a little all over your FuCkInG ugly mug.

Centurion Gaurd: *realising what he meant* YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!

Dionysus: *walks into the situation* Oh there you are Skippy! Bad boy I thought I told you to stay close to me and not open your mouth! *takes a little stick and weakly whips Ares's shoulder with a single thing of wheat*

Ares: *confused* ...wut?

Centurion Gaurd: Is there YOUR disrespectful slave?

Ares: wait you said I was going to be a noblem-*gets a loaf of bread in his mouth by Hermes*

Hermes: please shut up or we'll leave you here to fend for yourself.

Ares: *kinda just enjoying the bread* hmfhmf.

Dionysus: You see my good sir, my slave is extremely stupid, dumb and has testicles the size of grapeseeds. He was used as a human kickball when he was an infant and was raised by goats. He can't help himself sometimes. *Tries to clean the charcoal off the statue*

Ares: *angry noises* ?!?

Centurion Gaurd: .....Ok...you have the pay the "Disrespectful Slave" tax fine.

Dionysus: .....*grumbles and takes a bag filled with gold coins* ....*gives it begrudgingly* .....*grits his teeth* have....a...good day.

Centurion Gaurd: *takes the gold and sees that it's drachma* .....hmm.....*takes out a piece of paper with a semi-crude wanted poster of Dionysus, Apollo and Hermes* ......hmm.....I watching you....sir. *leaves to find Mortus*

Dionysus: *turns to Ares and glares at him* ....you owe me 20 drachma.

Ares: *has finished eat the bread* Why? Don't these mortals know we're gods?

Dionysus: No! We're here in disguise so that was can destroy the city again. You are here to make sure the country doesn't get a chance to get back up.

Ares: Fuck yah. *Literally has no idea what he agreed to*

Hermes: *saw the wanted poster in the centurion's hand* ugh...guys we REALLY need to finish what we came here for because they're definitely on to us.

Dionysus: yeah yeah I know....come on let's go. I want to destroy the coliseum again.

Ares: what's a coliseum?

Dionysus: *suddenly a huge grin forms across his face* Hermes .....is the coliseum....open?

Hermes: let me check. *Literally speeds next to the coliseum and saw a Roman sign that says "Grand Re-Opening" and zips back to Dionysus* yeah. It's open.

Dionysus: perfect. *Pops a waterskin filled with wine, and chugs it* oh gods I'm FuCkInG dry. It's like this place sucks your very essence or something.

Hermes: hmm....yeah, shame really. *as he was following Dionysus and Ares, he accidentally dumbs into a familiar face* oops sorry miss.

Octavia: *turns around with a baby in her arms that looks suspiciously familiar* Oh pardon me sir. I didn't mean to bump into, the market seems rather busy today doesn't it?

Hermes: It's ok, I was just heading to-*knotices the baby* .....ugh...

Caius the baby: *smiles at Hermes as if he knew Hermes was his dad* ba-ba :D

Octavia: Oh sweetie, daddy is working. Oh children are so wonderous, even at a few months old, they have such an imagination. By the way, have we met before? You look so familiar....are you from the countryside?

Hermes: uuggggh *trying his best to not look Octavia in the eye* yeah, I get that all the time. Trust me I have some of my own, I mean children that is. Also no I don't think I have? *Literally hoping she doesn't recognize him even though he shape shifted into her husband a year ago*

Caius: *still happily cooing over his real dad*

Dionysus: come on buddy le-*put two and two together and scowls at Hermes* ......you didn't.

Hermes: ugh....

Dionysus: nevermind we're off! *He pulls Hermes to the direction of the coliseum*

Octavia: hmmm what a strange young man. He's handsome though.

Caius: *coos in disappointment* :(

*later*

Dionysus: *rubs his hands* hehehehehe....

Hermes: this better be worth it. I thought we would write our names on the temple walls here or something.

A Roman Announcer: Ladies and Gentlemen! This grand reopening of the Coliseum shall be in honor of our Lord and Emperor Caeser!

Caeser: *does the Royal British wave*

Dionysus: peeeeerfect.

Hermes: ......hey I got to ask...why did you bring Ares?

Dionysus: some bulky bastard is currently the head champion gladiator here, he use to live on Crete before the Romans decided to kidnap a few warriors there....let's just say my pettiness will come with effort.

Hermes: ......ok seriously man what are talking about?

Dionysus: look no one says that their dick is bigger than mine and actually gets away with it.

Hermes: ....you know....you could just smite someone. I mean it's not graceful....but it's effective.

Dionysus: hoho, I'm going to make this extra dramatic.

The Roman Announcer: And now! You're great champion, Maximus the Well-Endowed!

Maximus: *a huge, hulking man came out, roars out* HAIL CAESAR! *Leans to the announcer* I am going to get my 20 hot virgin women after this right?

Announcer: *whispers* yes yes. AND HIS CHALLENGER *looks at a note which was scribbled on his hand* ..... "Skippy the Not-Well-Endowed"! *Looks back his hand still not believing what he had read*

Ares: *is just happy to get into a fight, however was oddly enough only was only wearing a loin cloth and a helmet, armed with a shield and spear* ......oh boy, a whole stadium just for killing? These people rock!

Hermes: ........you didn't....

Dionysus: yep.

Ares: *steps side to side like an exited kid* comeoncomeoncomeonstartthefighting.

Maximus: Alright Skippy, time to end your tiny dicked existence. *Raised his sword on to Ares but Ares was able to break it with his helmet* !?

Ares: ....that's it?

Maximum: *confused* ugh....*waves to order in more weapons, all of which fail to hurt Ares*

Ares: .......aw come on...you guys have some shitty ass weapons. Bet YOUR weapon is just as shit.

Maximus: grrrrr.....YOU PUNY SLAVE! *Rips off his armored skirt* See! You're fucking wrong!

Roman crowd: *gasps*

Dionysus: .....

Hermes: *whistles* holyshit....dude this guy is hung.

Dionysus: If there's one god who can contest me....the only god who's dick is so epic, so powerful, so irresistible, so near perfect......that Aphrodite can't FuCkInG resist it on a daily basis.

Hermes: Heracles?

Dionysus: No buddy, Ares. Ares is the guy who's dick is better than mine I mean come on a guy who shags the goddess of love more times than any living thing HAS to have something going on down there

Some Roman Karen: EXCUSE me is pronounced Venus! We don't use greek words here.

Dionysus: Please leave me alone lady.

Some Roman Karen: *rhees in anger*

Dionysus and Hermes: *both are struggling to ignore her*

Ares: ....ok...that dick of your isn't that great.....*rips off his loin cloth* .....THIS....is a dick.

Crowd: *the women and gay men swoons over the perfect of Ares's bare body, men quake and cringe at their own feeble members and put to shame*

Caesar: *completely unimpressed and decided to leave* hmf. Pathetic.

Maximus: *wriggles in shame* HOW c-C-C-could this be?! The most PERFECT COCK? Oh my gods why is it fucking glowing?!

Ares: ....what you don't shave yourself weekly? I mean come on man that's how you keep the ladies coming back?

Maximus: *starts crying a little*

Dionysus: *cackling uncontrollably* SO THATS HIS SECRET! *writes on a piece of paper saying "shave, dick, weekly"*

Hermes: *still not fully understanding why all of this* ........you brought Ares here JUST to emasculate some gladiator?

Dionysus: Oh much more than that Herms.....much much m-

Roman Karen: EXCUSE YOU SIR ITS MERCURY!

Dionysus: *has had enough and turned her into a chicken* there much better.

Hermes: .....are you ok? Did you have your wine today?

Dionysus: I RAN OUT OF WINE LONG AGO!

Hermes: *deep sigh* not again.

Ares: *now in full naked display* ARE YOU NOT ENTERTAINED?!? *The crowd roared and cheered*

Dionysus: well....yah want to set the animals free from their cages?

Hermes: fuk ye-*feels a tough and strong hand practically crushing his shoulder* .....*turns to see an old man who clearly was Zeus* .....

Zeus: .....boys.....

Dionysus and Hermes: .....Uh Oh.

Zeus: *took each of them by their ears like a discontented mother* you're BOTH grounded for bothering these mortals and above all abusing the dark, unholy power of the sacred male member ....if I had a third arm it would be reserved for Ares. *Looks down at Ares now just doing some naked dance for the crowd*........*deep and disappointed sigh*

Dionysus: but dad, I do that like everyday.

Zeus: I don't care if I don't discipline you or Hermes right the now, Hera will have MY male member nailed to the wall.

(Later that day)

Mortus: *inner noir detective monologue* after several months, nothing. Absolutely nothing. The suspects disappeared from the face of the empire. Likely their crimes have caught up with them. My only consolation to solving this case....is the mysterious birth of my son and my faithful wife. .... speaking of which...why does Caius have blue eyes? Me and Octavia have brown.....did ...she?....nah that's impossible.

The Centurion from earlier: MY LORD! I FOUND THE SUSPECTS!

Mortus: *dramatically turns around* This better be the right ones this time.

*much later after apparently an orgy broke out at the coliseum*

Mortus: .... Absolutely disgusting. Practicing Sexual Festivities without a license is punishable by crucifixion, Mark.

The Announcer (Mark): B-b-but sir! It wasn't my fault! Some slave was to challenge Maximus and they just decided to remove their clothing and everyone went wild! ....to be fair the slave did look a little attractive BUT the fornicating ceased once the slave disappeared.

Mortus:....was he accompanied by a portly, dark haired ..... individual?......an extremely attractive blonde slave and a thinner more athletic young man with brown hair?

The Announcer: ...hmm...well yes minus the other slave.

Mortus: Hmmm.....the plot thickens.....are these the mysterious criminals that destroyed the coliseum last year?....What is the motivated behind these depraved individuals?.....

The Announcer: ugh...why are you talking to yourself?

#greek bros #greek-Bros #Mortus #roman vs greek jokes #greek gods #dionysus #hermes #Ares #Zeus #greek mythology

[greekbros]

"greek-Bros: When in Rome, wait wut?"

*the bois have decided to take a trip to Rome, where rumors of a terrible and barbaric empire have spread throughout Greece that the country has been "ripped off". Disguised as mortals, the three devine brothers set out on an epic quest....to make a formal complaint*

Dionysus: *disguised as a wine maker* Woah, this place is pretty fancy.

Apollo: *having to wear a cloak and hood because turns out he's extremely terrible at disguising himself* yes, it's pretty impressive actually. The architecture, the bustling market place-

Hermes: *just looks like himself but not wearing his hat* the rude snobs who've been staring at us the moment we passed the gates.

Dionysus: oh come one really? I paid the entrance fee....

*back at the gates*

Roman Guard: *stairs at the 7 drachmas he was given* ....um...these aren't aureus.....

Roman guard #2: *picks up the drachma* ...hey wait a minute, this one has one of those block's face on it. *Shows one with apollo's face on it*

Roman Guard: ... something is amiss here .....

*back to the bois*

Dionysus: *trying to bargain for wine*

Apollo: I'm not really sure why did the mortals back home spoke so ill of this place.

Hermes: *looks at the chain of slaves from across the Roman empire*....um...

Apollo: *kinda feels a little bad for them* ...well...maybe the citizens are ignorant of this injustice?

Dionysus: well, time to sample the goods. *Takes a swig of wine and nearly chokes on it*.

Apollo: Oh myself you've been poisoned!

Dionysus: *strange voice* no! It's.... BASICALLY WATER!

Hermes: *takes the wine and tries it* .... bleh, yeah, it's mostly water.

Apollo: oh come now it can't be that bad.

Dionysus: *goes to the wine seller* hey buddy what's the big deal here? I paid good money for that!.

Wine Seller: Hmf, you paid in GREEK money, that means you get the cheapest wine, also yah want to ruin me?! I can't sell yah my supply man. I got last me the whole week!

Dionysus: .....what the fuck are you talking about?!

Wine seller: Look, I can't sell you Sapa man! You paid for a cup of wine so a cup of wine it is!

Dionysus: sheesh.

Apollo: well, maybe the economy is tough right now?

Hermes: *literally several feet away from dionysus and apollo, talking to a small group of women and men* oh yes, I can run for hours, and I've won SEVERAL gold medals and I even had sex with many beautiful nymphs*

Roman Woman: wow really? I bet those barbarians in Athens can't stand a chance against you.

Hermes: um...what's a barbarian?

Roman guy: ugh, people who aren't Romans dude.

Hermes: ....well that doesn't sound very nice.

Roman Woman: oh your silly.

Apollo: *sighs at hermes* come on dionysus-*suddenly gets arrested* wut?

Dionysus: *turns around and sees apollo getting arrested* HEY!

Roman Guard: You are under arrest!

Apollo: But why?!

Roman Guard: You are to be sold into sexual slavery.

Apollo: EXCUSE ME?!

Roman Guard: It is ILLEGAL for naturally blonde barbarians to be free! Blonde children are sold into miscellaneous slavery, blonde men are to sold into the coliseum and blonde women into sexual slavery.

Apollo: BUT THERES SEVERAL BLONDE PEOPLE AROUND?

Roman Guard: YOU INSOLENT FOOL! THOSE ARE ROMANS! CAN'T YOU TELL?!

Apollo: *looks at the crowd and sees both romans and slaves somewhat look identical* oh this is just bullshit.

Hermes: wait he's my slave. *Hermes to the rescue* he is my towel boy.

Apollo: .....yes! Oh master there you are!

Roman Guard: Do you have papers?

Hermes: *hands him a note*

Roman Guard: *opens the note saying "I own the pretty blonde slave and I fucked your sister as you were reading this* WUT?! *looks up and sees dionysus, hermes and Apollo are all gone* DAMN IT! Mortus Biccus is going to have my dick on a wall for this

*elsewhere*

Apollo: good thinking with the slave part.

Hermes: yeah don't mention it. *fixes his pants because he actually fuck that guard's sister*

Dionysus: man what hell is wrong this pl-*sees the world's most inaccurate statue of themselves*......oh come on...they got my chin wrong. Plus my thighs are hella thicker than that. *Sees the most beautiful and ideal version of himself*

Apollo: I disagree, it's a lovely interpretation, I mean sometimes people's perceptions are different and-

Hermes: ok cool but is it me or did they completely get our names wrong? *Looks at the name plates and sees the Roman versions of themselves*

Dionysus: *looks at Bacchus unamused* ....that's the sound I make when I throw up.....

Apollo: Phoebus....well it does sound a little more harsh...but lovely nonetheless.

Hermes: holyshit look at Ares's statue. MARS?! HA man it sounds like a dusty ball of rust. *Points to the only statue that looks ironically better than theirs*....hey wait why does his dick look better?

#greek bros #greek gods #greek myth memes #greek mythology #hellenistic #roman #greek vs roman humor #apollo #dionysus #hermes #blood of zeus

[greekbros]

"greek-Bros: When in Rome, wait wut?" (part 3)

*the bois have decided to take a trip to Rome, where rumors of a terrible and barbaric empire have spread throughout Greece that the country has been "ripped off" and shortselled from everything from housing to prostitutes. As the patron gods of Greece, it has been decided amongst themselves to witness this themselves. Disguised as mortals, they enjoy the typical Roman pastime of going to the coliseum after having a rather disappointing tour of the city.*

Dionysus, Apollo and Hermes: *all three either bored or mildly uncomfortable, are watching gladiators chase the world's most fastest Christian (whom seems to be out lasting them)*

Dionysus: .....it's been 2 hours. *Takes a sip of roman wine out of desperation, spits it out and winches* what the fuck this is practically saffron water?

Apollo: I have to admit....they did an amazing job at completely replicating several parts of Athens and Delos....a little too amazing.

Hermes: ....you guys think I should draft that Christian to my team marathoners for this year's Olympic games? I mean he's been going at it for like 2 hours I mean that pretty impressive...

Dionysus: DUDE don't you see, these guys are fucking crazy, that guy is running for his life for 2 hours from those clearly enslaved individuals from *looks at the gladiators*...ugh....I see......I don't know but they clearly aren't Romans.

Apollo: Dionysus is right, these Romans clearly have no sense of decency for the fellow man obviously.

Hermes: ...he is DEFINITELY getting drafted for my team.

Some random Roman over hearing them: Oi! Are you Romans?

The Bois: *slowly turn to the stranger*.....

SRR: Yeah, non-Roman folk must pay the "non-Roman tax"! And if you're tourists, you also have to pay the "Tourists tax"!

Apollo: ....what if they're traveling merchants?

SRR: than they pay the "Merchants tax"!

Dionysus: what kind of a hell hole makes people pay hyperspecific taxes?

SRR: *dial-up noises* ......what. are. Your names?

Apollo: um.......Phoebus?

Dionysus: ummmm.....bob?

Hermes: Freddy Mercury.

Apollo and Dionysus: *turns to Hermes*.....

SRR: *very roman dial-up noises* ......YOURE NOT ROMANS! You're those poser Greeks that totally stole our cultural aesthetic!

Apollo: WHAT?! *suddenly the air just feels like 5° warmer*

Dionysus: dude stop or they'll figure us out!

Hermes: Come on man, we can't use our godly powers on mortals while in disguise, it's a rule.

SRR: GUARDS! THERES TWO GREEKS AND A MALE SEX SLAVE HERE!

Apollo: wut? Again?!?

Dionysus: yeah um what?

SRR: Yes! Blonde headed people are strictly RESERVED for slavery. Sexual slavery!

Apollo: *sees the brown paint has faded away and starts getting flustered* THAT IS IT! I TIRE OF THIS OPPRESSION OF THE PEOPLE!

Dionysus: aaaaaand here we go.

*suddenly a literal sun ray strikes the two guards and SRR, killing them. The whole coliseum witness this*

Apollo: oops...I guess I got a little carried away.

Hermes: yeah. OOPS. Like last time.

Apollo: look that Oracle had it coming.

Dionysus: um guys we got a bigger problem.

*several guards surround them*

Apollo, Dionysus and Hermes: *all three raise their arms* .......

Hermes: ......well...this will be interesting.

Dionysus: come guys, why don't we just talk it out, chill and have some wine? I can make it in no time.

A Roman centurion: What's wrong with roman wine?

Dionysus: it's diluted as hell you should be drinking the finest undiluted wine pure and simple.

Roman Centurion: .... only smelly, dirty barbarians drink undiluted wine. Besides that's not what our Lord and Party Savior Bacchus would have wanted. He would have wanted the most elite Romans to enjoy the most delicate of wine.

Dionysus: OH FUCK YOU GUYS THAT IS IT!! *just straight up reveals himself in normal form* NOW YOU ALL SHALL SUFFER INTERNAL MADNESS FOR SOLLYING THE NAMES OF THE GREAT GODS!

Hermes: aaaand this is always what happens when he doesn't get enough wine in his system.

Apollo: I'd offer him some....but I ran out several hours ago.

*outside of the coliseum*

Gaius: HAVE YOU SEEN THIS EXTREMELY ATTRACTIVE MAN!?!

A Roman Women: .....no.

*suddenly chaos from purple haze to sun beams, animal roars and people screaming come from the coliseum*

Gaius: *turns around* AHHA! IM HOT ON THEIR TRAIL! Thank you citizen. *Trots off to the coliseum*

*inside*

Dionysus: I AM TOO SOBER TO FEEL PITY FOR UOU PITIFUL CREATURES!

That one Christian runner: *cowardly shaking watching what looks like hell breaking lose*

Hermes: *riding an escaped elephant* HEY BUDDY YOU WANT A RIDE TO FREEDOM!?

Christian Runner: Are you satan?! Here to take my mortal soul?!

Hermes: No my dude! I'm the messenger of the gods! Yah wanna join my marathon draft? It's a sweet ass team!

Christian Runner: An angel of the lord? I guess so....*hops on to a clearly not christian adventure*

Hermes: HIGH HO JUMBO! TO THE DOWNFALL OF THESE LOSERS! *elephant trumpets epically*

Apollo: *shooting at random guards and sees Gaius* Oh hello there!

Gaius: *mouth agape seeing the true identity of apollo*.....you're....you're really a-

Apollo: Apollo, nice to meet you.

Gaius: *blushes* ....so ugh...you're not going to smite me for almost selling into sla-*gets picked up* oh.

Apollo: No. I think I'll keep you.

Gaius: ....oh ok. *Has completely submits to this* ...*thinks* {Holyshit this sexy greek god got me questioning my loyalty to Rome!......I NO LONGER DESIRE ROME.} Take me oh glorious one.

Apollo: yey! New boyfriend!

Dionysus: *desperately tries to find water to turn into wine and finds several amphoras, touches them and it turns into his wine, chugs* AHHH....much better....*turns to see several other captured Christians* ......oh hi would you like some?

The christians: *stare in awe as basically an ethically different man with long dark hair just turned water into wine*

Dionysus:....we can set you guys free if you want.

The Christians: A HAIL OUR LORD AND SAVOR!

Dionysus: d'aaawww guys stahp. *Blushes*

*later after leaving Rome*

Zeus: .......you did what to the Romans?

Dionysus: we taught them a valuable lesson.

Apollo: Plus we have brought friends!

Giaus: *enjoying his new greek lifestyle*

Hermes: *to the christian runner* ok, so this season, the Egyptian teams has the best runners from all of Africa, but don't worry buddy. *Pats his back* I believe in you.

The Christian Runner: *sheds a tear* thank you great angel.

Hermes: *still has no idea what an angel is*

*on Delphi*

Dionysus: -and everyone is entitled to free love and respect, acceptance is the key to a happy life and wine is best drink. *The Christians cheer still convinced dionysus is jesus*

#greek bros #greek gods #greek mythology #greek myth memes #dionysus #hermes #apollo #roman vs greek jokes #blood of zeus