"greek-Bros": Just for the weekend
*Zeus and Hera are off on a 'romantic' anniversary trip to the Sumerian ruins. Zeus has decided to make a rather shocking request*
Athena: YOU WANT ARES TO HOUSE SIT?!?!
Zeus: Yes, but tis only for the weekend my dearest. Besides, it will be a fantastic exercise of his leadership and responsibilities.
Athena: *nearly fuming as she hears this* BUT I AM LITERALLY THE MOST RESPONSIBLE AND THE MOST QUALIFIED FOR THIS TASK. Not even your most "beloved" children can handle the responsibility of even sitting on your throne!
*roughly about a year ago*
Apollo, Artemis, Hermes and Dionysus: *all just squeezed in sitting on Zeus's throne, unsurprisingly all four stuck* ...
Apollo: *losing feeling in his hips* Hephaestus please do hurry, I believe Hermes is losing oxygen.
Hermes: *probably the most crushed* ~°
Dionysus: I don't know guys, I think this is a great way to bring ourselves together a-
Artemis: *getting really antsy being stuck* Dionysus if you don't suck up your gut just a little bit just little bit longer I'll shave off of few pounds off of you myself!
Dionysus: *practically suffering being crushed by the shoulders and hips* oh I love you too Artemis *sheds a little tear*
Hephaestus: *deep sigh* yes yes. Hold still. *Literally puts on a welders helmet and a blow torch* this shouldn't take too long. Now which leg do you all prefer?
*back in present time*
Zeus: Oh Athena, past mistakes should not be taken so seriously. Anyway. ARES! *As he calls Ares, a huge thunderstorm rocks the hell out of Olympus and ends with one big bolt hitting the floor and poof there's Ares wearing a towel and a confused look*
Ares: *wet, slightly cold and maybe just a wee bit afraid* ....wut the actual fuk dad.
Zeus: Ah there you are. I see you have finally decided to dedicate some time to practice proper hygiene.
Ares: yeah I was in the fuckn shower and s-
Hera: *dressed in the finest touring gowned* Oh there you are my wlittle future king of the gods! *pinches Ares's cheeks* Now get dressed, your father and I are late for the 3976th Sumerian Lovers retreat. *Looks at Zeus* And we WILL have a peaceful and reasonable time won't we?
Zeus: hehe, of course my little hummingbird. Now, Ares. The frozen food is in the fridge and please water the plants. Goodbye! *With that Hera and Zeus poof in a thunder strike*
Ares: *barley understanding what happened, turns to see Athena just about to perform temporarily elected regicide*
Athena: *stares coldly into Ares's eyes* ....I will slaughter you. If you so dare foul my chances o-
Ares: -look come on Athena do I really look like I actually volunteered for this shit please give me a break.
Athena: i do not care. I'm watching you.
*a day and a half later*
Ares: *sitting on the throne wondering if he should kill off humanity and just let dogs evolve into the new dominant species* ....I wonder if world peace can really be achieved....maybe I can even let the pigs take over too....I wonder *looks down to earth and sees a group of dogs howl into the night sorrowfully for some reason. Suddenly becomes so emotionally moved* .... AWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooo!
Athena: ....oh by the great void of chaos he's insane.
Apollo: well at least he's sympathetic.
Dionysus and Artemis: *hearing Ares's howling and decides to join in* AWWWWWWWWOOOOOOooooooo!!!!
*now three gods have joined in the literal cacophony of canidae condolences*
Hermes: *waking up from a headache, starts hitting Ares with a pillow but Ares doesn't react* SHUT THE FUK UP IM TRYING TO PROCRASTINATE!!!!!
Athena: ....I'm surrounded by lunatics.
Apollo: I can almost see why father picked him for the weekend.
Ares: *continues the glorious insanity that is his two day reign of insanity and fun*
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So I’m romancing Meg on this playthrough of Hades, and I can’t help but notice how the fandom really poorly contextualizes their romance in it’s collective headspace.
Like, all the art and works for Zagreus and Meg have all been really superficial in regards to them and stuff. Like, It’s all about how Meg is a big strong wahmen and Zagreus gets pegged (and I mean, yeah, he does). But, like, there’s a genuinely compelling romance here?
Like, the shared history, the centuries of fulfilling a role, learning to grow and move beyond what they’re expected to be and what they expect of each other. Learning to see from the other’s point of view and overcoming all the things we’ve done to each other. Growing a friendship in the ashes of an old relationship and blossoming into something romantic again. Giving each other and yourself another chance.
It’s- it’s good shit, you know?
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(interesting artistic depictions of Greek mythology tropes I've found fun yet interesting)
- Dionysus just straight up feeds his leopards grapes, implying he just regularly feed these obligated carnivores fruit out of drunkenness....the leopards are totally ok with this.
- nymphs are completely indistinguishable from normal human women but is only depicted as a nymph solely based on the artist naming them nymphs.
- centaurs apparently hunt big cats for food.
- centaurs are really shit at hunting big cats cus at least one of those horse bois gets attacked by one.
- apparently satyrs were strictly a male race of mythological creatures in Greek mythology....until those tart-ass Romans literally said "nah there's satyeresses and they straight" and just invented them because apparently the female counterpart to satyrs is nymphs? Ok.
- Centaurs, mer-folk sphinx (Greek females and Egyptian males) and sirens are the only ones that canonically have male and females in their species. Meanwhile the gender specific groups is satyrs, nymphs, cyclopie and harpies. Which is strange because two out of those four examples would make sense if they're worth females... Then again I am speculating on the speculative Canon of the sexual dimorphism of mythical creatures here so I probably should go on with my life.
- very little Ares representation so I'm quite peeved.
- let's be real, the peak in ancient Greek art was not the Renaissance or the Brococo times it literally was back in ancient Greece were the art truly felt unhinged in the most spectacular way.
-APHRODITE WITH A SANDLE IN HER HAND THREATENING EVERYONE HAS THE SAME ENERGY IS RAPUNZEL WITH HER FRYING PAN.
-Bruh Eros/cupid be up in everyone's bizznich because literally he's everywhere for some reason.
-I find it funny Zeus is mostly always an older man, reflects the audacity of men nowadays. Meanwhile Poseidon is just Zeus but #plump and Hades is fekn nowhere.
-Lol funny weird dragons
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The Petesus Kylix
"χωρίζω τα μαλλιά μου από την άλλη πλευρά"
x-posted to instagram
⟶all Billy & White: Failures of Science posts
⟶all Billy & White: Failures of Science
reference images from theoi.com
It's Greece, bay-bee... everybody gotta have PENIS!
a side view of a kylix, a terracotta drinking cup for wine.
I fell down a rabbit hole of the different ways red-figure Greek vase-painters depicted wings on creatures.
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