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helloalycia · 3 years

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overstepping [one] // jane banner (Wind River)

summary: after getting several voicemails from your colleague and best friend with her asking for your backup, you attempt to call her back, only to get no answer.

warning/s: mentions of rape, murder and injuries.

author’s note: this is a two parter because i finally watched Wind River and it broke my heart but also lizzie was v cute and i felt the need to write this, hope you like it x

part two | masterlist | wattpad

"C'mon, work you stupid phone," I complained for the millionth time, before standing on the chair to get a better signal.

When I saw the bars in the corner of the screen increase, a grin appeared on my lips. I loved my parents, but the fact that they lived in a remote cabin in Tennessee with zero signal was not my favourite thing.

When the bars remained, my phone decided to actually be helpful and receive all the messages, calls and voicemails I missed. I did a brief flick through, noticing nothing was too important that couldn't wait for me to return to work. As an FBI agent, I rarely got time off. And now that I had taken a two month vacation to spend with my parents, I was adamant on enjoying it, even if I was missing work a smidge.

Next were the calls, which I noticed were mostly from my colleague and close friend, Jane Banner. I furrowed my brows, realising she'd left me several voicemails, too, which was strange since she knew I was on a break from work. What could be so important?

I sighed, glancing down at my uncomfortable position standing on the chair and leaning above the wardrobe. It was the only place in the house with decent signal and the only other place that wasn’t in the middle of nowhere was twenty minutes out. Telling myself I'd just listen to one voicemail to make sure everything was okay, I played the earliest message.

"Hey, Y/N. I'm sorry, I know you're on a break, but I just had to talk to you," it began, and Jane sounded troubled. "I was in Vegas, as you know, but I've been called out to a reservation in Wyoming where this poor girl was–" She paused, releasing a shaky breath. "She was raped and left to die out in the cold. I thought I could send in another team to take a look – y'know, usual protocol. But the coroner won't rule it a homicide and you know what that means."

I swallowed hard, knowing exactly what that meant. If it wasn't ruled a homicide, no backup would come and we had to move onto the next case. But if this girl was raped and left to die, the rapist was still out there and wasn't getting caught by the FBI.

"I can't just leave it and go," Jane continued quietly, with that recognisable passion for her job evident in her voice. "I have to do what I can. But I... I can't do this alone. It's not like other cases, Y/N. It's different out here. And there's only so much their police department can do. I know you're on a break, but I was hoping that, maybe, you could come out here and help me? It's the Wind River Indian Reservation. That's it, I guess. Bye."

The message ended and I found myself chewing on my lower lip anxiously, unable to think about anything other than Jane now. She'd worried me with that one voicemail alone – I couldn't imagine what the others said.

She was usually so good at dealing with cases, but this seemed different. She sounded shaken up, attempting to put on a brave face by the sounds of it. What was so different about this case? She didn't need me. She was capable.

Curiosity got the better of me and I played the second message, ignoring the discomfort in my arms as I stretched to maintain the signal. It was left a day after the first one.

"Hey, so I just remembered that you said you don't get much signal up there with your parents," she began apologetically. "I don't mean to– shit, it's so cold..." There was a pause, a noise in the background, then she continued, "Sorry, just turning up the heating. Anyway, I was saying. I don't mean to intrude on your break. I just– I'm hoping you'll find signal and hear this because I could really use your help. I think we've got a lead on who may have done it. It was hectic today. Really could've used that backup."

She chuckled dryly at her attempt at a joke, but all I felt was guilt. She sounded exhausted within a day of being there.

"I hope you get this," she finished with a sigh. "I should go. Got a busy day tomorrow. Hope you're doing okay. Bye."

I wasted no time in playing the next message. Three days into her case.

"I don't know why I keep sending these," she began with a hoarse voice, and my heart clenched at the sound of it. "You clearly aren't getting them in time. But it's easier talking to you like this than not at all."

It went quiet, so quiet that I thought she may have finished and forgot to hang up. But then she spoke up again, a whimper escaping her lips.

"It's so hard," she admitted. "We've covered worse cases, but this one... everything about it makes me uncomfortable. Something doesn't feel right. I've got a lead – we think it might be the boyfriend who did it and we're gonna see him tomorrow. But I don't know."

I frowned, squeezing my phone tightly because I didn't recognise the girl speaking as my friend. This girl sounded broken and I wondered what she could have discovered that made her like this.

"I've got the police department with me for backup," she said with a sniffle. "And Cory, he's a hunter whose been helping me with the case. They're all gonna be with me tomorrow. But I wish you were here, too. You always make things easier."

The lump in my throat wouldn't disappear no matter how many times I swallowed it. She made things easier, too. Always. And all I wanted to was be by her side and be there for her like she always was for me.

"Sorry about this," she said with a watery laugh, and I could imagine the embarrassed smile on her face as she did. "I sound like such an idiot. Never mind these messages. Just enjoy your break. I shouldn't be worrying you like this. See you when you get back."

The message ended and I checked to see if there were anymore, but to my disappointment, there wasn't. That message was from a few days ago and she hadn't sent anything since which was concerning in itself.

Trying not to panic for no reason, I called Jane. Hopefully everything was okay and I was being stupid. She was a fully-trained FBI agent. She could take care of herself. Right?

The call rang and rang, but nobody picked up. One missed call. No biggie. She probably heard it and couldn't find her phone or something. So, I tried again.

More ringing and no answer. Okay, no big deal. Just try again.

Another call and no answer. The chewing on my lip became more intense. Why the hell wasn't she picking up? Was she still working the case?

I waited an hour, trying again at ten minute intervals, unable to fight my concern. But there was no answer every time and I realised that I couldn't sit and wait for her to call back. Not after how she sounded in those voicemails.

No, I had to go there. She needed backup.

—

Wyoming was way colder than I could have prepared for.

I mean, technically, I prepared for nothing. I bid my parents a goodbye, threw some random clothes in a bag and caught the next plane over there. I tried for Jane's phone constantly, knowing she was never one to ignore me for this long, but there was no point. She wasn't answering, which could only mean so much.

When I reached the reservation, I had no idea where anything was or what I was looking for exactly. I just knew that as soon as the taxi dropped me off in the centre of town, I didn't know where to go.

There were a lot of locals hanging around, so my first port of call was to ask them if they'd seen Jane around – or Agent Banner, as she may have introduced herself. I showed them a picture of her on my phone, described her with vivid detail, but they just stared at me like I was crazy. I was starting to believe I was at one point, until I stopped by the convenience store.

As worried as I was for Jane's whereabouts, the chill in my bones was real. Especially my hands, which I was certain would fall off any minute. So, I decided to buy some gloves and also ask the cashier if he'd seen Jane around or heard anything of her. Whilst I was doing that, a customer caught my attention, probably having overheard my conversation.

"Did you say Jane Banner?" he asked with a quirked brow, interrupting my purchase. "The FBI lady, right?"

I nodded quickly, facing him. "Yes, that's her! D'you know where she is?"

He nodded casually. "Yeah, she's in the hospital. That big shootout that happened a few days ago, right?"

My stomach dropped. "The what?"

"The shootout," he repeated, not aware of the concern in my face. "At the drill site. A bunch of officers were killed and the FBI lady was one of the only one left standing." He tutted as he shook his head. "Very lucky that one."

A shootout? The hospital? Only one left standing? No wonder she hadn't been answering her calls.

"Can you– do you–" I stopped, clearing my throat and trying to stop freaking out. "Which hospital?"

After getting the address from him, I caught a taxi to the only hospital in town and prayed to God that Jane was okay. The one thing she'd asked for was backup and I couldn't even give her that. If I'd just looked at my messages sooner... fuck.

Getting past the front desk and to Jane's room was no issue at all. A quick flash of my FBI badge was enough for the receptionist to give me the details and wave me through. My heart was constricting in my chest the longer it took. What if it was really bad? What if that customer's intel was outdated and Jane was– no. I couldn't afford to think like that.

Upon finding Jane's room, I spotted an older man leaving through the door, being careful to close it behind him. I didn't recognise him at all.

"Excuse me," I called, earning his attention. "Is that Jane Banner's room you just came from?"

He seemed surprised, glancing over his shoulder to make sure I was speaking to him, before nodding. "Yes. Sorry, who are you?"

I pulled my badge from my pocket and showed him, though I doubted anyone would take me seriously when my eyes were watering at thought of Jane being severely injured.

"I'm her friend," I said, swallowing down the lump in my throat before lowering my badge.

"Oh, you're the backup that didn't come," he said with realisation.

My eyes flickered to the floor guiltily. He wasn't exactly wrong.

"I didn't mean it like that," he added quickly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

I shook my head, lifting my eyes to meet his. "It's okay. I should've... I should've been here." It went quiet as he didn't know what to say, so I looked to him halfheartedly. "I assume you're from the police department, one of the ones who helped Jane."

"Not exactly," he said, before putting out his hand for me to shake. "Name's Cory. I'm a hunter by trade."

Returning his handshake, I recalled Jane's voicemail. "Oh, yeah, she mentioned you... thank you for helping her out."

When I couldn’t, I added in my head.

He offered me a small smile and I couldn't find it in myself to return it. I must have looked like shit, since he gave me a pitiful gaze.

"You want me to catch you up before you go in?" he asked, nodding to Jane's door. "She's okay by the way."

I nodded, sucking up a breath. My nerves were eating away at me the longer I didn't see Jane – half of me was terrified of what I'd find, and the other half was afraid she'd be upset or angry because I left her to it, even when she pleaded for my help.

Cory and I took a seat down the hall and he proceeded to explain about the case and how they found the guy who raped that poor girl. The shootout was the worst bit, making me shiver with discomfort. Apparently, Jane had gotten blasted with a shotgun, puncturing her torso and neck despite the vest she wore. All of the officers with her were killed and by the sounds of it, Jane almost was, too. But Cory managed to take out the criminals and the rapist himself. When he was finished telling me, I had no words.

"She's a bit shaken up, but her surgery went well," Cory reassured with a short nod. "Does she know you're coming?"

I shook my head, voice thick with emotion. "She wouldn't answer her phone. I guess I know why now."

Cory nodded, rubbing the back of his neck before sparing me a consoling glance. "She talked about you a lot. I think it'll cheer her up seeing you. You should go."

My eyes met his, teary and stinging with unshed tears. "Thank you so much."

He shrugged bashfully, but he didn't realise all that he'd done. I gave him a small, tight smile before standing up with a sigh. No point dwelling anymore – I had to see her.

Pushing my selfish feelings aside, I sucked it up and approached Jane's room. She would either want to punch me or not, but either way, I had to see if she was okay. And so, when I opened the door slightly, heart racing in my chest, said heart jumped in my throat at the sight of her.

She was laying on the bed with wires stuck in her and, only from what I could see, bandages were covering the side of her neck. I thought she was sleeping at first, but then her head tilted towards the door curiously, and bright blue eyes widened with disbelief.

"Y/N?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. "What are you– how did you get here?"

I closed the door behind me and hesitantly approached her bedside, unable to stop my eyes from soaking in the sight of her. She looked so feeble and vulnerable and unlike how I saw her last. Then, Cory's words came back to me and I began to imagine the worst scenario of her getting shot, blood seeping from her wounds, the life draining from her eyes...

"Y/N," she called, and I looked to her startlingly, hoping I didn't look as troubled as I felt.

"Sorry," I said, clearing my throat. "I, er– the messages. Voicemail. I heard them and tried calling you back, but..."

She pursed her lips, exhaling with a wince and looking up at the ceiling, as if suddenly remembering she left messages in the first place.

"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner," I said quietly, guilt seeping back in.

"No, no, don't be," she said, and I just about noticed the pink dusting her cheeks. "It's not your fault. I shouldn't have interrupted your vacation like that. I know you said you wanted a break and–"

"Jane, no, don't even say that," I cut her off, reaching for her hand in an instant. She looked my way, eyes flickering between mine nervously. I squeezed her hand gently and said, "I should have been here. You needed me and I– I didn't come. Maybe if I had, this could have ended differently."

She tried to smile, but I could see the discomfort in her eyes. "It's not that bad, honestly. It just looks bad."

I pressed my lips together, eyes falling to the bandage on her neck. Even though it was big and covered her wound, I could still make out the bruising around it from the impact of the shell. I didn't imagine the torso wound looking any different, and that thought alone made me regret leaving her alone. It was very much as bad as it looked; I knew that and she knew that.

Her lips trembled as she avoided my eyes, her own tearing up. I pushed away my guilt momentarily and changed the subject.

"So, I met Cory. He seems like a great guy."

She didn't say anything as she seemed lost in thought. Either that or she was trying not to cry in front of me. I hoped it wasn't the latter, since the last thing I wanted was to make her feel uncomfortable.

"You know," I said, when she wouldn't speak, "I'm pretty sure I told you to stay safe before I left for my vacation."

At my poor attempt to lighten the mood, she cracked a small, tight smile, but a smile nonetheless, and my racing heart slowed down momentarily.

"I'm glad you're okay," I said, now that I had her attention again, and she looked my way with a softened expression. "Kind of okay. But you know... okay."

Thankfully, she knew what I meant and her hand tightened around mine.

"I'm glad you came," she returned, and I couldn't look away even if I tried. She was always able to trap me with a single gaze.

With a tug of her hand, she motioned for me to sit on the edge of her bed, so I did. And then she began to ask me about my vacation, what I'd been up to this past month, how my parents were... basically anything and everything except for the case. And it was understandable, since she was reminded of it all the time. If I could be a form of escapism for her, so be it. It was the least I could do.

We spoke for hours until the nurse came in to let me know visiting hours were over and I'd have to come back tomorrow. With a regretful sigh, I got up from my seat on her bedside and stretched my limbs.

"Where are you staying?" she asked, a slight frown on her lips.

I smiled awkwardly, realising I didn't think that far ahead. "I'm not gonna lie, I don't know. I came straight here. There's gotta be a hotel or something in this town, right?"

She nodded and flicked her hand to the shelves on the other side of the room. "You should stay in my room in the inn. Key's in my bag over there."

"Oh, I don't have to do that–"

"Y/N, it's not like I'm going to be staying there anytime soon," she cut me off, smiling halfheartedly. "Please."

I chewed on my lip and nodded, giving in. When I grabbed her keys from her bag, I stopped by her bedside and gave her a supportive smile.

"I'll back first thing in the morning, if you don't mind," I said, and she finally gave me a smile that reached her eyes.

"I'd like that."

I nodded, resting a hand on hers and squeezing comfortingly. "Goodnight."

—

Though I knew Jane was okay, I still couldn't stop myself from thinking about her all night. The sight of her wounds and the broken expression on her face was enough to keep me awake. And the guilt that came with it all... why couldn't I have just picked up my damn phone?

As promised, I returned to Jane's hospital room the next morning, this time bringing some breakfast snacks from the hospital cafeteria since I knew the food would be much better than whatever they were serving her. Judging by the content expression on her face when I gave it to her, I was right.

When she finished eating, she was able to sit up slightly and move over on her bed, urging for me to join her and watch some TV with her. There was no way I was going to turn down that offer, so I slid next to her and kept a packet of sliced apples between us as we watched whatever was playing on the TV.

About halfway through watching, she spoke up randomly, taking me by surprise.

"When are you leaving?"

I tore my gaze from the screen and realised she was staring at me with intense green eyes.

"When you're well enough to," I answered truthfully.

She looked down to her hands. "You don't have to stay with me. You can go."

I studied her profile, knowing it was the wrong time to appreciate how stunning she looked even when she was makeup-free, sporting a bed head and tired.

"Do you want me to go?" I asked softly, afraid I may have overstepped.

She was quick to shake her head slightly, finally lifting her gaze to meet mine with glossy ones. "No."

I nodded, trying very hard not to smile, cleared my throat and grabbed her hand. "Then I'm not leaving. I'll be right here until you get better and I can take you home."

A ragged breath escaped her lips as she nodded in response. We both looked back to the TV and I noticed she didn't let go of my hand, her fingers warm to the touch and giving me goosebumps at the contact. But I wouldn't have had it any other way.

#jane banner #jane banner x you #jane banner x reader #jane banner imagine #elizabeth olsen x you #elizabeth olsen x reader #elizabeth olsen imagine #wind river imagine #wind river

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differentkettleoffishalltogether · 3 years

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I’m On Fire [Chapter 2]

With her sister’s wedding fast approaching and her Mom hounding her about finding a date, Y/N makes a terrible decision that lands her and her least favorite genius in a confusing situation.

Chapter Summary: Y/N and Spencer start to put a plan together.

A/N: I’ve got a head cold at the mo’ but I had to get a covid test just in case so I’m not allowed leave my room till I get the results! So enjoy a bonus chapter while I wallow on my own for like 36 hours :( On a positive note, thank you guys all so much for the response to chapter 1 I really didn’t see that coming! I’ve tagged everyone who asked, let me know if you wanna be added

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem Reader

Category: Fake Dating, Enemies to Lovers, (Eventual) Smut, Fluff, Angst, it’s a Slow Burn Baby

Warnings: Cursing, some NSFW language/themes

Word Count: 6.1k

Previous Chapter -- Next Chapter

Series Masterlist

Masterlist

"Are you coming up or what?"

The question was still ringing in my ears. It caught me completely off guard. 'Up' as in up to Spencer's apartment? Where he lived? I knew he lived somewhere in theory, just like I knew deep down that he wasn't made in a test tube.

Without noticing I've undone my seatbelt and I'm hopping out of the car, following him around to the front door. I guess I am coming up.

Spencer's apartment is more cosy than I thought it was going to be. It's warm and lived in. It's not big, but I think that might be what makes it homely. Something about the way he behaves had me thinking it would be fully decked out in stainless steel or glass or something. But it wasn't pristine, it was messy.

There were books bursting from the shelves that lined the walls of the apartment, along with books laid open over nearly every surface in the place, it looked like he was in the middle of reading all of them, and honestly, I didn't doubt it. Maybe I'd misjudged him. He even had some photos of what looked like his family, and maybe friends, even some of the BAU, lining his walls or propped up on his mantle. He had little trinkets and souvenirs on his shelves too, evidence that he'd been around the country for reasons other than a case. I would never admit it to him but there was a real charm to the place.

Once we got inside he took off his bag and suit jacket, tossing them on the desk just inside of the door. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do, and he seemed to pick up on my awkward energy.

"You can make yourself at home" he said, his confident streak remaining. I had no idea what to do with that. What would even make me comfortable in Spencer Reid's apartment? I took a seat on his sofa and just sat with my hands resting in my lap. Really not even sure where I should look without feeling like I was invading his privacy. Even though I wanted to. I think it was morbid curiosity, looking for clues on who this man might actually be outside of the BAU. What I really wanted to do was stand up and walk around, soaking in every bit if this place as if it would help me decipher our messy relationship.

He returned to the living room a few moments later, two mismatched mugs in his hands. He places one in front of me on the coffee table. I pick it up and take a sip. It's lemon and ginger, how did he know what kind of tea I liked? I held the mug in my hands inhaling the steam in an effort to relax. When I look up he's watching me, arms folded across his chest.

"So, how does this thing work. What's the game plan?" I honestly have no real idea. This evening really got away from me, I was still expecting to snap out of it and wake up in my bed at any moment.

"Well I can't say I've ever been in a Sandra Bullock movie before either so this is uncharted territory for me too" I say with a chuckle, trying to ease the tension. Even a little. I can see him crack a small smile but hides it almost instantly, his face hardening again.

"My sister, Margot, she's getting married in like 4 months." I can feel myself tense and I shake out my shoulders, I have to remind myself that he's agreed to this already, "Fuck it, I'm just going to be honest with you. My Mom's mostly freaked out that I'm too attached to this job and that I'll just never find someone again." I shouldn't have said again, fuck. I hope he didn't pick up on that. Who am I kidding. "Even though, I'm not sure I care if I do or don't?" he doesn't say anything, like he's waiting for me to continue. I know I've shared a little too much already but I keep going.

"Margot's 2 years younger than me, I introduced her to her fiancé Philip, we met in college, he's a sweetheart. But since they've gotten engaged Mom's gotten exponentially weirder. I think she's convinced I'm fully going to die alone, as if that would be the worst thing that could ever happen? Anyway, she's been trying to auction me off to all these guys, using this wedding as an excuse. I'm not sure how much of that phone call you actually heard earlier but Mom was trying to sell me on this guy, David, and I just… snapped." I look up at Spencer and he unfolds his arms, leaning in ever so slightly coaxing the story out of me.

"David, he uh, he worked for my father for a while back in high school, filing documents and stuff, busy work mostly. He used to make out with me when he was at our house after school, but then he'd ignore me in the halls the next morning. I know it's because I was a pariah back then or something but I didn't want to think about it today and I just got worked up. I shouldn't have let on that you were my date, I was just going to ask if I could bring Garcia or something, and I'm sorry." I cover my face in my hands, "I'm insane, you can back out if you want to."

I can hear him move from his spot on the opposite side of the sofa, he takes my wrists and gently pulls my hands from my face. He looks into my eyes, "I'm in this now Y/N, what do you need me to do?" he asks, and there's a genuine earnest in his voice that I think I've only ever heard a handful of times. And it's never been directed at me.

"Okay, well we've got a few months before you ha–, wait, fuck!" I throw my head back, there's already a complication, "shit" I curse under my breath. His eyebrows knit together, sitting upright.

"What's the matter?" he asks.

"I forgot about my Mom's 50th, it's next month. They've got this whole huge party planned back home in upstate New York. I've gotta go and they'll probably want to meet you, or they're gonna have a load of questions for me at least. I can try and get you out of it I'm sure"

He gets that cocky look again, he shakes his head "I don't know, I've always liked a bit of competition" he reclines back into his corner of the sofa, taking a satisfied sip from his own mug before speaking again. "You know, if I've got to learn enough to pass as your boyfriend in a month, surely that means you've got to learn enough to pass as my girlfriend within the month, no?"

Oh god. What have I done, why didn't I think this far ahead. "I mean, yeah I guess you're right." I had to remember he was doing me a favor. I had to get over myself. "Okay, if you're sure you're up for that?" I ask, and he nods, and I think he looks excited, or maybe he just finds the whole situation funny.

"If anyone's up for the competition it's you" he says, and I'm not sure if that's a compliment or a dig but I nod in agreement.

He takes another sip of his tea, collected and relaxed. I can't help but notice how at ease he is when he's in his own surroundings. I'm so used to seeing him sitting at a desk surrounded by paperwork, or combing through file after file in the make-shift office in a small-town police station, usually flustered or anxious, or antagonizing me whenever he wasn’t. This was a different Spencer. Completely in control, at ease.

"Alright, shall we get started then, we can't really afford to waste any time can we?" he was actually sort of right, so I nodded. It was only now occurring to me that I'd have to share parts of my personal life with him if I wanted this plan to work. We already knew the basics about each other, I'd read his file when I started at the BAU, I'd read everyones. And I feel like it was safe to presume he'd done the same.

His eyes bore directly into mine as he leaned forward, I think he was enjoying how uncomfortable I must've looked.

"How about I ask you some rapid-fire questions and you have to answer 'em?" he asks, and it's as good of a plan as any, and I can't think of any other suggestions, so I nod.

"Okay, shoot." I say, unsure and nervous, so I brace myself. I'm just grateful that he's making my life easier rather than harder for what feels like the first time since I met him.

I really should've known better.

He leans in, "So Y/N, first question, when did you lose your virginity?"

I almost choke on the mouthful of tea I just took, that can't be what he just asked, and he looks like he's savoring my shocked expression.

"I uh, I don't think you need to know that?" is all I can get out.

"Really? You think that's something your boyfriend wouldn't know about you?" he's right, but I didn't want to admit it outright.

"I feel like I sort of already hinted. It was that same guy David, I was 18, he was 19. We had sex on the couch while my parents went out one evening. I kept my bra on the whole time, he came, I didn't. It was all very standard stuff." I wasn't sure what compelled me to add that last part. I think I was giving in to the open honestly thing. "So what about you Doc?" I challenged.

He didn't seem embarrassed, or even shy. "I must've bloomed little later than you" he admits with a soft chuckle, "Vivian Stewart, I was 21, she was too. It was the last semester of my last PhD and I figured I must be missing out on something. And I sure was" he smirks to himself. "I came, she did too, 3 times. I did a lot of research ahead of time" he mirrored my story and I rolled my eyes. It was hard not to feel a little impressed but I tried with everything I had to stifle it so he couldn't tell. I wish it didn't make me feel something but it did. I gulp down the mouthful of tea that's been sitting in my throat.

I have to shake myself back to reality. I can't give him the satisfaction of throwing me. "My turn." I command, "When was your last relationship Dr. Reid?" I ask, "I mean like, serious one, not like hook-up" I clarify before he can ask. He thinks on it for a moment.

"I'm not sure what you classify as fully serious, but I guess it was this girl, Rebecca, we dated for a while when I first joined the BAU but it didn't work out. What about you?" he flips it back.

"So that was what, like 6-ish years ago?" I ask, he just nods.

"Mine was like 3 years ago now I think. I met this guy Nathan on my first week of college, we dated for like 4 years. He moved here for me when I got accepted by the BAU." I had to stop myself from delving into the detail. It was a long time ago now but it still hurt. "Long story short, the hours were demanding and they got in the way more than I would've liked. We ended up splitting a couple months after I got the job." I tried to play it off like it wasn't one of the more devastating things to happen in my life. But something told me he’d registered that, so he didn't push.

His energy picks up and he looks at me with a grin, but there's something a little sinister behind it. "I've got a more fun question for you." he leans in closer to me, "Y/N, when was the last time you got laid?" I just looked at him in shock.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me, I can go first if you really need me to?" his voice didn't waver,

"Fuck you Reid, I know when it was!" I snapped back at him. I did have to think back a little farther than I'd like to pull up the memory.

"Met this guy in a bar when I was out with Pen one night, we went back to his place and hooked up." I say as deadpan as I can make it.

"Well that's not very exciting is it?" he jokes, "Did you at least cum that time?" I know he's just trying to rile me up, but I answer anyway.

"As a matter of fact I did" I earn back a little of my confidence.

"I'm so happy for you, but you did manage to avoid my initial question" fuck "when was this exciting night of yours Y/N?" he probes, like I really, really wished he wouldn't. I could lie, but I'm sure he'd be able to tell. I cringe before I can say it.

"About 8 months ago" I mutter, just low enough for him to hear.

"Sorry, did you just say 8 months ago?" He nearly shouts in disbelief, he seems to find it funny.

"Hey fuck you Spencer!" I go on the defensive, "When was the last time you even got laid?"

"Like two and half weeks ago" he says, confident, and still laughing, "Wait wait, when was the last time you got yourself off? I know you're not waiting 8 months!" he giggles and I think I could kill him. I know I kept giving him outs but was it too late for me to just get up and leave?

"I'm not doing this with you if you're just gonna make fun of me Reid, I get enough of that at work" I get out, my voice is serious but I'm trying to hide how awkward all of this is making me feel, and I don't know that I'm doing a very good job.

I can tell that's gotten to him, he relaxes and eases up on the giggling. "Look okay wait Y/N. I'll stop, I'm not actually trying to make fun of you. I was being serious, I think stuff like this is important if we're gonna have to be comfortable around each other enough to seem like a real couple. Plus, it'll just help break the ice?" he shrugs. "But you don't have to answer if you don't want to."

I soften, because I agree, even thought I hate that he's right. "Fine" I collect my thoughts, "2 nights ago I'm pretty sure." I regret it almost instantly, but breaking the ice is supposed to feel awkward.

"Same here actually," he chuckles, "what'd you do?" I'm so startled by the question I almost forget how to answer.

"I, uh, my, my vibrator? I just felt like uh, I watched some..." I still can't force out a whole sentence. It's not like I was always awkward about sex or anything, I could talk to Garcia, or honestly probably any of the other team members about it. But with Spencer it didn't feel as comfortable. He still sat calmly, smiling just a little.

"Same here, 2 nights back, but with my hands I guess. I wonder if we were doing it at the same time?" he mutters the last part gently and my head goes a bit fuzzy. My eyes drift away from his face and settle on his hands, the mug he's holding looks so tiny with his fingers wrapped around it, I wondered how they'd look wrapped around my-

"Okay I think that's enough for one night, don't you think?" I jump up off the sofa and turn, mostly so that he doesn't catch the blush thats creeping from my neck up to my cheeks. And because I don't know what I'll say, or regret saying, if this conversations continues on its current trajectory.

"Sure," he says, standing up next to me, and I want to move further away instantly, "you're probably right, and it's getting a little late now anyway" he glances at his watch. Ushering me back towards his front door and opening it up. Before I can walk out he lightly touches my shoulder to turn me back to face him, and I wonder if he can feel the heat radiating from every part of me.

"So are you free next Friday after work?" he asks, and I'm so flustered I almost forget why, I just nod. "Perfect, how about we come here again and we can dive into preparing? You could also make a start on getting these onto a hard drive?" he gestures to the antique looking hardbacks adorning the shelves.

'Sounds great!" I perk up, feigning enthusiasm, "See you then!"

"Well, see you Monday morning actually Y/N" he smirks as I walk out the door. Fuck, he was right.

I really hadn't thought this through.

——

The weekend was a bit of a blur. I decided to try and put some useful information into a document for Spencer. It felt strange to try and condense my life into as few pages as possible. I knew Reid had an eidetic memory, and nothing would necessarily overwhelm him. But I also knew that he was someone that the team relied on to fill in a lot of the gaps in the rest of the our knowledge. So I felt bad about dumping a load of information on him, especially considering it was a favor he was doing for me.

I'd complied the majority of my life into a 15 page document and printed it out. Hopefully that would address most of what my family could guerrilla attack him with. There was also something unsettling about the imbalance. I was going to give him so many of the intricate details of my life in a little file, whereas all I really knew about Spencer was what I'd taken it upon myself to learn about him throughout the past few years.

I'd read all of his work while I was in college, given how he was the gold standard of getting into the BAU at a young age, I wanted to know who this guy was. I think I'd pictured something different. And I couldn't deny there was something enticing about finally getting to know him after all of these years of working together. Maybe this could actually be fun, or interesting at least.

----

I arrived early on Monday morning. I thought I was first into the office as usual but Garcia was sitting in my desk chair waiting for me. The second she saw me walk in she tensed, she must've known we were the only people in this early.

"What happened! You've been avoiding me all weekend?" she asked, and she was right. I'd drafted enough texts to her, trying to explain what the plan was, mostly without wanting to admit that she was right. Maybe I was stubborn.

"Alright okay, I drove Reid home." I admitted, dropping my bag by my desk. She rolls her eyes at me, dramatic as always.

"Well I knew that already Y/N damn! What happened next?"

"Fine, we went into his apartment and talked for a while. Trying to sort out the details, get a handle on things I guess?" I said, unsure of how much I should actually give away about our conversation.

"What things!?" She shouts, standing up from my desk,

"I don't know Pen, like logistics and stuff, I still haven't decided how I feel about that little stunt you pulled on Friday night!" I let my frustration get the better of me, and maybe that's why I haven't talked to her. It could also be because I know she's able to read me like a book and I'm not even sure how I feel about this whole situation.

"I call bullshit." She counters, "I know you were relived as hell when I sorted that whole thing out. You would've had anxiety tummy all weekend if I hadn't called Spencer!" I just go silent, she was right. I'd gotten so caught up in the whole, 'how to have a fake boyfriend' that I'd almost forgotten about how stressed I was about Spencer hearing my call in the first place.

"Okay, shit" I sigh. "Maybe you were right Pen. We're actually meeting up again this Friday after work to make a plan for the next while, so I guess that's progress?" I shrug, trying to play it off like this whole situation doesn't make my stomach flip.

"Ohhhhh! So like a date?" She probes, her enthusiasm rising drastically.

"Oh my God Pen no! Like an appointment at best" I diffuse the situation

"Ugh that's no fun" she says, not even trying to disguise her disappointment.

As if on cue Dr. Reid walks through the double doors into the bullpen. Both Garcia and I wave, overall awkwardly, but making an attempt pretend like things were completely normal and like nothing had changed since the last time we were all in the office together.

Penelope heads to her office as the bullpen starts to fill up quickly. Less than an hour later though Garcia's back at my desk and there's a new case that needs the teams attention in Boston. I follow her into the conference room and wait for the rest of the team to join. Spencer follows a moment later with 2 cups of coffee in his hands. I can see my mug in his hand and my automatic response is that he's messing with me. But he places my mug in front of me in the circular table before taking the seat next to me, listening to Garcia's briefing. I don't know if he's ever sat next to me in this conference room, at least not by choice.

I barely had any time to finish my coffee before I have to say goodbye to Garcia and hop on the jet to Boston.

----

The case was grueling. More so than usual. It was wrapped up late on Thursday night and the team decided to fly back home first thing on Friday morning. I was exhausted. Even if there was enough time to get sleep each night it wasn't like I got any. Whenever a case got on top of me like this it made it hard to rest, or get it off my mind at all until it was wrapped up. So even though it was over, that didn't mean I wasn't exhausted.

Hotch gave the team the rest of the day off, given that we have until submit our paperwork by Monday. I wasn't sure if Spencer's invitation from the following week still stood. I didn't want to ask, partly because I was so tired, but also because I was scared. I wasn't about to show up at his house in an effort to have a heart to heart, or hand him a condensed version of my life story on a manilla envelope if he was as drained as I was.

Standing by my desk I packed up everything I'd need to get my paperwork done over the weekend, I was just about finished when Spencer snuck up behind me, perching himself on the edge of my desk. "So, you almost ready to go?" he asks, like it's the most obvious question in the world. I couldn't really hide my surprise.

"Oh yeah. That's fine, I mean, if you're still cool with that?" I ask, and I hate how flustered I sound, like he makes me nervous.

"Of course, why wouldn't I be?" He chuckles, standing up straight.

"Cool, gimme a sec and I'll be good to go."

I pack up the rest of my stuff quickly and we make our way out. There's something that feels a little eerie about the two of us being in an elevator together alone again. It was a different kind of awkward to how it felt a week before hand. It almost felt like a kind of tension rather than a hatred or a rivalry. Either way we rode down in silence.

Once we got to the basement Spencer walks out of the elevator and walks straight to my car without having to ask. I unlock it and he hops into the passenger seat. Like this is a natural interaction. Something we do all the time. And I don't hate it as much as I thought I would.

"So," he says, buckling up his seat belt and breaking the silence, "do you know how to get to my place from here or do you need directions again?"

"Well I've got to turn on the engine first" I tease, hoping he picks up on the reference to our last car ride, he chuckles like he does.

"Are you hungry?" he asks

"Starving."

The delivery guy get's to Spencer's apartment at almost the same time we do.

---

Once the food's been demolished the two of us finally sit on his sofa, the same sides as the week before. "So, shall we get back into this?" He asks, sitting forward slightly to pull a notebook out of his satchel on the floor. It's small and lavender, and it's got a pen clipped into the spine. He cracks it open and flips to a specific page.

"Sorry, what's that?" I ask, pointing to the book, he looks confused,

"They're my notes?" he says, like it should be obvious

"Your notes?" I ask,

"My notes on you." he smirks, again like I'm silly for even asking.

He had notes on me? He had a whole notebook on me? What was even in that thing?

"You've got notes on me?" I ask, my hands reaching out to grab it, but he retreats faster than I can catch him. "What have you got in there that's so serious?"

"Nothing." and his tone's a bit too stern and I don't really want to push it when he's being so uncharacteristically nice to me.

"I've actually got this ready for you" I pull the file out of my own bag and toss it to him. "I'm not sure exactly what you need to know but that should be the majority of it at least."

He opens it up and glances over the the pages. It takes him all of 2 minutes to get through the whole thing. It feels unsettling that he's taking in a boiled down version of my life while I'm just sitting on the opposite side of the sofa. Trying to avoid the attention I pipe up.

"Um, hey, maybe it would be a good time for you to show me where to make a start digitizing your books over here?" I stand up and make my way to the shelf. He jumps up off the sofa and walks toward me, visibly excited.

"That's actually a great idea, I thought that the theses from my degrees could be a good place to start, since I'm pretty sure they're not backed up anywhere." he guides me to a section of the book case by the window. There's a series of leather bound hardbacks, the same gold font embossed on the spines. I recognize all of them, pulling out the first one.

"This is my favorite" I say without thinking about it and he does a double take, clearly thrown.

"You've, uh, you read my work?" he asks, completely puzzled. I'm sort of proud that I've managed to make him this awkward, and I nod.

"Mmhm, back before I joined the BAU actually. Before I really knew you" I regret saying the last part, it comes out a little meaner than I really wanted it to so I back track. "Spencer, I read all of your work while I was in college, you were like the gold standard. I don't think I slept more than 2 hours a night throughout my PHD because I was just trying to get as much done as you." and his face softens at the admission. But it takes him a moment before he responds. Leaving the two of us in silence a little too long.

"I had no idea" is all he says.

"I think this one was best" I say propping up the one in my hand, "you get a bit cockier as you move on” His eyebrows shoot up in surprise, "but I'll start with all of these I guess" I grab the matching books and stack them in my arms. Walking over to his desk and setting up. Glancing at the clock it was only 7pm so I decided to just make a start.

Spencer didn't contest. Letting me just get settled at his desk, I pull out my laptop and begin work on transcribing the first volume. After a few minutes he silently places a cup of tea down beside me and goes to sit on the sofa. The time rolls in quickly after that, each time I look up at Spencer he's carefully combing through the file I'd given him. Re-reading it and making little markings in his lavender notebook. I'm not really sure what I put in there that was worth making a note on but clearly he was reading between the lines on some things. That little notebook was like a profile of me.

When he seemed like he'd finished writing he pulls out his phone, scrolling through it aimlessly like I'd never seen him do before. It made him look so normal. His eyebrows knit together as he's looking at something on his screen and he stands up. Making his way over to me at the desk and shows me what he was looking at.

"Who's this?" he asks, "This guy you're with?"

I recognize the photo instantly. It's from a few years earlier, Nathan and I on the beach, my head resting on his chest. He'd taken it while we were on vacation celebrating our anniversary. That was about a month before I got into the BAU, I had no idea that was going to be our last anniversary. I gulp down the emotions that it stirs. I'm mostly over the whole thing by now, but looking at old photos like that, photos of happier times, it can still sting.

"That's uh, the boyfriend I was telling you about last week. Nathan, we broke up not long after I joined the BAU?" he nods, but he's smart, and I kind of figure he already knew that.

"Ah alright" he takes out the hardback and jots another note down. Maybe he's trying to get a read on me.

"What are you doing?" I gesture to the phone,

"It's research, do you not think that if you and I were really dating that stalking your social media profiles would be on my agenda?" he's smug, and he's right. But I guess I just didn't expect it from him.

"Well that's not really fair now is it? I can't reciprocate, you've got no social media presence whatsoever!" he finds that funny, letting out a deep chuckle and tucking his phone away in his back pocket.

"Maybe so, but that imbalance is hardly my fault. Besides, you've read all my dissertations apparently..."

"Bastard" I joke, slamming my laptop shut and throwing a pen from his desk at him so that it lightly bounces off the top of his head.

"Hey, there's no need for violence Y/N!" he rubs the spot beneath his curls, "Maybe it's time you took a break actually?" he says, sitting himself back down on the sofa.

I was reluctant to admit it but he was right. My eyes were starting to go a little fuzzy after looking at the screen for so long. I stand up and stretch my arms out above my head, feeling my spine stretch out after sitting for so long, letting out a low groan. Spencer waves me over to the sofa and I join him.

"How about we go back to basics?" Spencer asks with a small grin, and I can't help but let out a long sigh.

"I thought I was taking a break, no more questions" he just laughs at me,

"Relax, you're not that interesting, it's just a simple question." he states, and I'm not sure if I'm supposed to find it funny or offensive

"Ugh, fine, shoot"

"Well, actually it's two questions" he corrects, "what's your favorite movie, and what's your favorite snack?"

I'm confused mostly by the fact that it actually is a simple question, I was expecting something a lot more contentious, but also because he looks eager to know the answer.

"I'm not really sure what my favorite movie is to be honest, one of them is Night of the Living Dead?"

He nods to himself, and jots it down in the notebook again, "Alright, I can make that work" he stands up off the sofa before turning back to me, "and snack?"

"Peanut butter cups I guess?" I respond and he grins ear to ear, which is a completely new sight, and I like it way more than I thought I would.

"Perfect, gimme 2 minutes!" he leaves the living room and wanders towards the kitchen.

Spencer returns a few minutes later with a DVD, a packet of peanut butter cups , and a thick knitted blanket gathered in his arms. He drapes the blanket over me and gently places the peanut butter cups on top of it before popping the DVD into the player and sitting down beside me. I'm not really sure how to process any of the situation. Am I about to watch a movie on Spencer Reid's sofa? Sitting next to Spencer Reid?

"I... I, uh, thought you were just asking for your notes?" I ask, pointing at the notebook resting in his lap. He picks it up and throws it onto the coffee table.

"Sometimes I find experience is the best teacher, don't you?" he asks before pressing play, “And besides, it should keep you quiet for a whole 96 minutes” of course.

I can only nod in agreement, I'm not really sure what I'll say if I try to speak. I get myself cosy under the warm blanket and we watch the movie in near silence.

Once the credits roll Spencer finally speaks up, "I actually went to see a screening of this last month downtown, there was this little old horror movie fest-" I cut him off without really realizing, I'm just strangely excited that we've genuinely got something in common.

"Holy shit, I was there!" I say, more enthusiastic than the situation calls for.

He laughs at my excitement, "Well, I guess we have more overlap than I thought, that should probably help with the whole charade." he stretches his arms up over his head and let's out a small, gentle yawn. I'd been enjoying myself more than I thought I would, or would ever tell Spencer, that I'd almost forgotten that we'd both been on a case for almost every waking moment of the past week. I really should feel a lot more drained than I do.

I was just after midnight when I suggested that I head back home. I offered to take some of the books home to work on throughout the weekend but Spencer insisted that I just work on them whenever I came over again. I sort of felt like I should thank him for the evening when I was on my way out the door, or give him a quick hug, no that felt wrong. In the end all I could really muster was a lousy, "goodnight" and a meek wave on my way out the door before I drove home. And couldn't get to sleep.

— —

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Text

Damage (Chapter 16)

FFN / AO3

Wordcount: 10,591

Characters: Metal Sonic, Mecha Sonic, Silver Sonic, Sonic, Tails

Content warnings: Dissociation, flashbacks, guns, gamers

Under the subdued glow of a street lamp, Sonic leaned back against a wall and waited. His ears flicked back and forth a few times, listening for something, or someone.

The streets were empty and wet, reflective like bars of ebony. The dim lights cast long, shimmering reflections in white, blue, and red. A few minutes passed, and Sonic's patience was wearing thin. He was about to leave when that certain someone he was waiting for finally showed up.

Through the darkness came a distinct red glow. Subdued, but undeniably robotic. Sonic pushed himself back off the wall by his elbows and stood with his arms folded. A defensive stance, but his posture was straight and tall - he wasn't going to present himself as vulnerable to the killer robot. Not yet. Even with the softness he had seen in him that day.

"Metal. I need to talk to you."

The robot stepped into the light, just barely illuminating his armour. He stopped there, unwilling to go any closer. Neo caught the hedgehog's eyes for a moment before looking away angrily. What was this, an interrogation? What right did he have to drag him out here, anyway?

"I'm not stupid." Sonic started, taking a few calculated steps towards him. "We're enemies, and you've come to me for help. I don't need a reason to help someone in need. But I do need to know that I can trust you."

Neo inclined his head slightly, partly daring Sonic to come within swiping range, partly telling him to elaborate.

"We have history. We can't ignore that." Sonic stated matter-of-factly. His expression was serious. "So, let's talk about it."

The small space between them felt more personal than ever.

Neo's supercomputer mind instantly calculated how quickly he could lunge for Sonic in this space. He took into account the wind, and the wet pavement, and the rain slowing him down and re-calculated it all in split seconds. Sonic eyed the space for a moment, hyper-aware of how fast the robot could move, but also how quickly he could get away.

The two looked at each other for a long moment, both thinking the same things.

"This could well be a trap. While I wanna help you guys, I'm not gonna risk mine or my lil bro's lives to do it." Sonic continued, lowering a brow at him. "Did Egghead put you up to this? I need to know where your head's at. Silver's one thing, but you... you're different."

Neo shook his head sharply, almost looking away again as he did, but he forced himself to keep eye contact. He wasn't going to back down.

"If he didn't, then why are you really here?" Sonic asked him, finally letting an accusing tone underline his words. "What do you want from us? Why won't ol' Egghead help you himself?"

Neo clenched a fist and turned away, glaring hatefully at the wall beside him. "It is none of your business, hedgehog."

"It's my business when my family is involved."

Neo froze. He slowly turned back around.

And then glared with all of his venom at the cursed hedgehog.

"You understand me perfectly."

"Yeah, I do. I have done this whole time." Sonic scratched his ear and offered him a half-smile. "Sorry 'bout that."

"I thought so." Neo revved his engine just loud enough to get his irritation across. "I am afforded no privacy. Must you take everything from me, hedgehog?"

Sonic frowned at him. "Jeez, Metal. Lighten up. It's not my fault, you know? We did exchange life data and all that."

Neo narrowed his optics at him. "You disassemble my body repeatedly. You refuse to kill me. You get my brother taken from me. Now you can invade our private conversations. What more do you want? Was my ultimate defeat not enough for you?"

Sonic held the robot's angry stare for a while. Their downfall as Metal Overlord was still very much a sore point, and they hadn't touched on it at all since it happened. Sonic decided to risk bringing it up. "Look. Metal, I'm not sorry that I beat you. You would have killed people." He then softened and sighed. "But I am sorry that I made you suffer. I'm sorry that I ran away like I did."

A spasm of pain ripped through Neo, and he hissed and recoiled. "Why are you sorry?! You have inflicted far more damage on me in the past. The main difference is that this time I felt great pain." He took a step forward. "Perhaps if I had felt pain in the beginning I would have abandoned my futile existence when I realized I would never win. My pain is something that you nor the Doctor could never understand!"

"You've won at something, Metal." Sonic told him with a shrug. "Apart from being a top-class jerk, you're also kind of a good sibling. I've seen it. I saw how you looked at Mecha." That half-smile appeared again. "It's almost like you love him. Who woulda thought? The evil Metal Sonic, actually considerate sometimes?"

Neo hated this. How dare the hedgehog comment on his private relationship with his siblings. How dare he act as though he knew anything about them! How dare he! Neo clenched his fists, and his shapeshifting program booted online at once. His nanite systems shifted, lengthening his spines and making his claws sharper as he phased towards his true Neo form.

How dare that hedgehog. How dare he speak to him in such a mocking way. How dare he try to get closer to any of the brothers. How dare he even say Mecha's name. How. Dare. He! He just had to take everything! He suddenly didn't care that it had been himself who had sought Sonic out for help. He didn't care that he had wanted Silver to interact with Sonic. It was all wrong. All of it.

Sonic stared at him. "Why are you so angry? You do realize you're changing, right?"

Neo stared pointedly at him, seething. And then he looked down at himself and turned his hands over. They had shaded from yellow to black and silver. He reached up and touched his spines, which were lengthening quickly. He cursed and took a step forward, where disorientation smote him to his knees. None of this was real, it couldn't be, he had to be glitching, right, and the pain of partly-fixed wounds resurfacing as his nanites moved-

When Neo could see and hear again, he found himself on the floor, back in his original form. Sonic knelt by his side with concern written all over his face. "Metal? Can you hear me?"

Neo stared up blankly for a minute. His CPU was still wrought with feelings of unreality, and he barely registered anything around him for some time. Gradually everything came back into view. First, he was blinded by the street lamp, and then, he was blinded by rage at Sonic for being in his face. The proximity of his greatest enemy rended a shard of his assassin programming through his CPU. Priority one hedgehog. Kill. Kill him. He was right there! But without Sonic, Tails wouldn't help them, and GUN might come for his brothers.

But worst of all, how dare Sonic show concern for him!

He snapped out of his trance and pushed Sonic back, who fell onto his backside with an "oof."

"Yep, still a jerk." Sonic remarked flatly. He stood up, rubbing his backside, and let Neo rise on his own. "You good, bolt brain?"

Once he was back on his feet, Neo went back to staring at the hedgehog angrily. His shoulders were tense and his arms ached. He had taken a particularly hard hit from the Egg Pawn back on the ship that he had forgotten about. Something was probably slightly out of place under his armour. Curses. He rubbed his arms antsily to try to ground himself, figuring that the discomfort might help.

"I was created to destroy you. And you are showing me kindness?!" Neo spat at him, still rubbing his arms. "Scream at me or accuse me or condemn me. Attack me. I could stand those things. Just stop being kind."

"You're not all bad." Sonic told him, unafraid. "You're holding back right now for one thing, and that's your siblings. You're not as selfish as you used to be."

"Stop it!" Neo clenched a fist in his face now. "I hate you. You cannot change that, no matter how kind you are."

Neo turned his back on Sonic and started to storm away, but the hedgehog's next words stopped him cold.

"Lighten up, Metal. You're not just a machine anymore."

Neo slowly turned back to look at him.

"Your ignorance of mechanics is amusing," Neo argued back, his cynicism clear. "Look at us, hedgehog. There are clear differences."

Sonic finally smiled at him, genuine. "Those differences are getting fewer and further between, Metal." He waved a hand and started to walk past him. "Anyway, I just needed to be sure you weren't pullin' something on me. Later, faker."

"I hate you."

"Glad to hear it. Told ya not to go all soft on me, didn't I?"

Neo glared at his back. His claws curled in and out several times. He raised a hand, calculating the gap between them and how quickly he could close it. He could kill Sonic in seconds if the hedgehog's guard was down. Just one clean slash and their "history" could be put to rest. It would be so easy! His torment would be over! And Mecha wasn't there to stop him! The idea was becoming more and more enticing with every precious second that passed.

He took a step forward.

"Give it a rest, Metal." Sonic told him. "We'll settle our score when the time is right."

He didn't have to look back at the robot to know what he was doing. A robot staring at you was the same as having a gun pointed at your head. That, and he knew the robot all too well. Putting his back to him was the ultimate test of restraint - just as he had done to Silver back at the GUN base.

Several feet away, Sonic cast the slightest glance back at him. "Oh, and adding to that- come back when the real you is talking. Okay?"

Neo slowly lowered his hand. Sonic was right. Every hedgehog-tracking and fighting protocol had come online without him consciously doing it. Flustered and angry, he went into his program manager and shut everything off. Being called a "faker" had triggered something in him. It made sense, when he actually analyzed it - being told that you're a fake does nothing but harm when you already dissociate from yourself.

Neo watched Sonic stroll out of view and just stood there. His hand lowered back down to his side and his claws uncurled.

Those words repeated in his head like some kind of glitch.

You're not just a machine anymore.

Neo glared at the ground as if blaming it for his anger. He hated this. And he hated how he knew his CPU was going to cling onto the hedgehog's words. It had to, he was programmed that way, right? He had to match Sonic's every move, analyze his every action, remember everything he did...

Or did he?

How much of him was programming at this point?

Neo wasn't sure anymore. He was this wretched robot-thing that not even his own creator could define anymore with semi-enemies who could never be his friends.

He caught his reflection in a puddle and stared at it for several long moments. Glowing red optics stared back at him, undeniably digital. Above them rested the bright white arrows painted on by his brothers, a symbol of his autonomy and personhood.

"If I am not a mere machine, what am I."

He looked up to find that Sonic was gone.

"What am I."

Pondering this, he recalled Mecha telling him that he was "just himself." Just Neo. Was that enough? To simply be, outside of any rigid definition? Slowly, he started the walk back to the hotel, sticking to the shadows as he went as his assassin instincts demanded him to do. And, as he walked, he thought back to Eggman calling him a child. It was true. So why did it make him so angry? Something clicked into place mentally and his optics brightened. He slowed to a halt.

If he was a child, what kind of upbringing had he had, really? In the non-robotic sense?

When he thought about it, the answer struck him with a new kind of pain. Neo was instrumentally parentified - forced to take on the role of an adult when he was little more than a child himself.

He thought about this for a long minute.

Eggman was an adequate father figure in some ways. He did show affection, and he did try to understand, and he did listen sometimes, and he did tend to the robots' needs when they arose. But at the same time, so much as wrong, too. There was an undeniable role reversal, a relegation of duties to each of them that shouldn't be given to such young AIs who couldn't even control their own feelings yet. They were made to be too intelligent for their own good.

What good did their programming do for them?

Neo had learned, over time, that taking on those murderous duties was a way to maintain closeness. To be useful. To have any semblance of identity. It was all he had, this anger, this drive to win and complete these tasks and to be seen, heard, cared about. His mind was alive, damn it, and with that came an instinctive need to be loved. And that came with a lack of touch with his own feelings, an inability to self-regulate, and a compulsion to be a caregiver for his family. To push away anyone who dared threaten the security of his identity and loved ones. His anger was so quick and sharp and hateful, but it had to be, it always had been, he had so much to protect and he didn't even realize it.

He had grown up too fast, and his hurt made so much more sense with this realization. It was not a child's responsibility to perform in order to deserve love or care. It was not their responsibility to take on tasks beyond their capabilities. It was not their responsibility to keep pains to themselves. It was not their responsibility to become a caretaker for others. And yet, there he stood, having done all of these things - repeatedly. As had his brothers.

This feeling... he didn't like it. It wasn't easy to carry. It was too large. Bigger than he was, or at least, it felt that way. More often than not, there was something safe about anger instead of grief. It was much easier to be angry than it was to be hurt.

This pain was self-preservation.

Neo checked in with his body and realized he was shaking with his rage. Rage that had nowhere to go. It overwhelmed him. He looked down at his hands, clenched them into fists, turned on his heel, and slammed his fist into the brick wall beside him. His fist went straight through and left a mess of bricks all over the ground. Trembling with hurt and hate, he turned away and held his head in his hands.

Nothing would be vengeance for the childhood he had lost. No score of successful battles, no number of times he won a race, no amount of apologies from his father would undo the damage done. He would always be this wretched child trapped inside a killing machine's body. He would always come up for air beaten within an inch of his life and know he would do it all again a week later, and this could be mourning too.

He stood alone in the rain with nothing but an aching chest, barely aware that he was clicking to himself.

-------------------

In the corner of the room, a blanket shifted this way and that as a certain robot tried to free themselves. After a moment, Silver's head popped up from under the blanket and he sighed in relief.

Time for stealth.

Being the smaller and lighter robot, Silver easily slipped away from Mecha and expertly opened Tails' laptop bag without making a sound. Ironic, he thought to himself, considering how loud his mouth was.

Silver glanced around quickly. He didn't want anyone to see him doing this.

A quick scan told him that Mecha was in sleep mode, and Tails was fast asleep in bed. Neo and Sonic were Chaos knows where. Perfect. He didn't want an audience if he got emotional and he didn't want to get caught messing around.

Silver carefully opened the laptop and brought up the GUN database, which Tails had made little progress on - gaming had taken up most of that evening. He paused, unsure of how to work the military site, so he consulted his memory banks to see how Tails had gotten into the files. Bingo! After logging in with a VPN, Silver let out the smallest anxious sigh. He frowned as he carefully clicked through different pages. He was looking for something specific.

"Nope, nope, not that one... come on..."

He paused, hovering the cursor over a folder he had missed before. This had to be it, right? Hesitantly, he opened it and clicked on the text document inside. He paused for a second to look around. He didn't want anyone to see. He steeled himself, bit his lip, and looked at the screen.

Silver read the file. He read it another time. And then another. At first, the words didn't register, but then they did.

His systems turned to ice.

"The super Egg Pawns also contain animals that are set loose when destroyed."

It was alive.

That stuff on Neo's claws hadn't just been oil.

Silver grabbed the sides of the screen and stared hard at the words, hoping he wasn't reading them, that they would change and he was just glitching out. But they stayed. His hands slid down onto the bed, and then to his head, where he leaned down onto his elbows and stared at nothing.

There had been nothing left after Neo's Maximum Overdrive attack. Nothing at all. The animal within must have died with the machine instantly.

All living creatures responded instinctively to threats to their survival, hardwired to be afraid of death.

It had been scared to die.

He could have saved it.

Had Mecha known this? Had Neo known this? Did they lie to him? No, they wouldn't, right?

Silver slowly slid off of the bed onto the floor, where he sat and stared at nothing. He held his head in his hands and stared at the floor for several long minutes. The robot's thoughts raced ceaselessly. He cursed himself for his previous disdain of organic creatures. He hated that he hadn't learned more about the other machine. He pictured the terror that the animal within would have felt as if it was his own. Then, the harsh reminder that he couldn't even weld two pieces together to fix them came back. He remembered letting those last few scraps go into the sky like stars.

Suddenly, everything was put in perspective for him, and it made him sick.

If Neo kept on hating Sonic the way he did, his obsession with revenge would bring him down the exact same path as that Pawn... Hell-bent on vengeance with nothing left to lose. Yes, he had his brothers to live for, but what if they were destroyed before him? What if Mecha went before him? One day, Silver might be the one sitting on the floor, unable to salvage enough parts to bring him back. It was only a matter of time.

He really did identify with organics and their fears, he was scared to take a life, and his brothers were going to die one day.

And like a match destined to burn, this would all go up in smoke.

Silver almost got up to run away. These feelings were too much, and he needed to get far, far away from here. From all of this. He almost started crying in those pathetic clicks that he so hated, but he slapped a hand over his mouth and curled into himself to shut himself up.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck..."

He struggled up and on to one knee and was ready to run away to clear his head. But something in him told him to look at that file again. He resisted for a long moment. After everything he had just learned, he almost didn't want to see any of it.

But what would turning away change? Nothing at all.

He sighed shakily and turned back around to face the truth in front of him. He scrolled down slowly, and that gut feeling only got stronger. What it was about, he didn't know. Was this intuition? Could a machine even experience something like that? He wasn't sure, but he knew not to ignore it. Right at the bottom of the file about the Pawn was a shortcut to another file. Silver frowned at the button, unsure of what it could be. He scrolled just a little further to uncover the text below.

Super Egg Pawn Backup.

Silver froze in place. He stared at the file and its extension. It was executable, and would probably be downloaded into a machine- only to be destroyed all over again under GUN's control.

But Silver had the chance to do something about it.

Slowly, a smile spread across his face. Without thinking about it, he downloaded the file into his own documents and saved it, then deleted it from the original file.

Nobody else would get to it now. They could rest in peace.

He closed the laptop and hugged it close to his chest.

"I told you I'd be back for you."

As gingerly as he could, Silver crept over to where Mecha was sleeping in the corner and nestled up against his side with the laptop still in his arms. He fell into sleep mode soon after.

Mecha awoke at the disturbance and looked down at Silver, who was already dead to the world. He stayed motionless for a minute, as if moving would harm Silver in some way. Very slowly, Mecha lifted an arm and reached around to bring Silver closer to him. He gently nudged his muzzle against Silver's forehead and rested it there for a moment, finding comfort in his brother's presence.

He scanned his surroundings again for a few minutes. Neo had been gone for some time, as he had last been detected about an hour ago in a routine scan. Neo was capable of looking after himself, and Mecha knew that - but he couldn't help but worry. Especially since Sonic was gone too. He carefully lifted his head away from Silver and looked over to the window.

As if on cue, a familiar blue and white robot boosted himself up into the tree outside and stayed there, staring at nothing. Mecha tilted his head this way and that as he pinged Neo, asking him to come inside. Neo startled at the ping and looked around, clearly disoriented - there was only one place it could have come from, and Neo wasn't even thinking to look there. Mecha pinged him again and their eyes finally met. He slightly gestured inwards with his head, asking Neo to join him inside.

Neo stared at him for a long minute before seeming to register what Mecha was asking of him. He jumped over to the window and, as quietly as he could manage, vaulted inside where he landed in a crouch. Without saying anything, Neo moved across to Mecha's other side and leaned into him for security. Mecha rested his chin on top of Neo's head and gently rubbed his shoulder plate with his free hand.

"You can put your strength down." Mecha murmured gently. "Let someone take care of you."

Neo's optics brightened, then softened, at hearing his own words repeated back to him. So, Mecha had heard him after all, back then. Knowing this brought him some peace and grounded him back into reality. He nodded and nestled his face into his older brother's side, too tired to fight and too hurt to be cynical for once.

Exhausted, the three fell quickly into sleep mode.

-------------------

In the early morning, the hues of the world bloomed anew as if reborn. Growing patches of blue, in a hue that was soft and bright at the same time. Though beneath the sheet of clouds was a grey darkening to steel, the leading edge was a brilliant white. The roads outside were still slick with water, though the puddles were still. This day could bring rain or sunshine, and Sonic hoped for both for the chance of a rainbow.

He leaned on his elbows against the windowsill with a smile and a mug in one hand.

Mid-sip, he heard movement behind him, and he flicked one ear back to listen before looking over his shoulder. His eyes met Silver's, and he smiled kindly at him from around his mug.

"Mornin' kiddo." Sonic finished his mouthful and put the mug down on the windowsill with a soft clink. "How did ya sleep?"

"Well, first I found my sleep mode setting, and then I ran it in my command center and boom, that's how I slept." Silver explained, deliberately sarcastic. He laughed at himself before clambering up to his feet. "Just kidding. I slept good, thanks." He folded his arms and leaned back against the wall. "How 'bout you, S- hog?" He cast the quickest of glances across to his resting brothers and grimaced at his near-slip up.

"Not too bad!" Sonic replied. He turned around to face the robot and as he did, his elbow knocked the mug next to him. "Oh f-" Before he could turn to grab it, Silver was already there, having zipped over in a split second. He grinned and dramatically presented it to the hedgehog in one hand.

"Here ya g- wait, is this..." Silver withdrew his hand and stared into the mug incredulously. "Did you really put an energy drink in this?"

Sonic reached over and took it from him, grinning confidently. "I sure did!"

"I... I just don't think people normally use those for energy drinks." Silver commented, amused. "You're welcome, by the way."

A crumpled-up piece of paper smacked Silver in the face and he yelped. "Wh- Hey!" He immediately looked over to Mecha and Neo and, as expected, he found Neo glaring at him. He snickered and leaned back against the wall. "Mornin' bro. Woke up in a charming mood, I see." When Neo just kept glaring at him, he laughed. "What? I'm sorry, did I disturb Princess Neo's beauty sleep?"

Neo stared at him and signed, "Shutting down." He then made a point of leaning back against the wall and shutting off his optics again.

"Hey! I know you're awake, asshole. You can't just say shutting down when you ignore me!"

To his side, Sonic was desperately trying not to laugh. He made a noncommittal noise and took a swig of his energy drink.

"I hope both of you fall into a pit of lava." Neo sarcastically murmured and folded his arms defensively as he sat back up.

Silver gritted his teeth at the coded speech and forced a smile. "I love you too, bro."

Neo shifted his irritated glare to Sonic. "If he seems confused it's because - and I present this as an empirical truth - he is truly the stupidest robot in the entire universe."

"Wow, really?" Sonic deflected the robot's sarcasm back at him with a smirk. "That must be genetic or something."

Silver looked between the two several times. "Wh- What? You understand him? No fair!"

Sonic nodded and chuckled. "Yeah. Comes with the territory when you trade life data."

Neo and Sonic looked at each other for a long moment. Sonic smiled sheepishly at him, and Neo just glared back. Neo broke away first and glared at the floor. He had spent long enough in the irritating hedgehog's company already. It was testing his patience and his restraint an absurd amount.

The tension was disrupted when Tails opened the door and slowly stepped in with his breakfast.

"Hey guys." Tails nervously smiled at Neo before giving Silver a friendly wave.

Sonic practically lit up at his little brother's return. "Hey lil' buddy! Glad you're back." He gestured to the robots and chuckled to himself. "Just been having a very pleasant conversation with our favourite 'Buttnik bots."

"O-Oh yeah?" Tails replied with a quiet laugh and went to take a bite of his food. He noted Neo's annoyance. "It seems like it."

Silver beamed at Tails. "I'll have you know I've been very pleasant! I was only a sarcastic bastard like, once!"

Neo rolled his optics at their conversation. By his side, Mecha finally stirred and his systems booted online with a distinct whir of gears. Mecha at first startled upon hearing multiple voices in the room, and his wrist lights booted on right away. Neo gently placed his hand on Mecha's arm to reassure him until his visual systems came online. When they did, Mecha calmed down and gave a nod of thanks to Neo. Neo bumped his forehead against Mecha's and signed, "safe" to him.

That was when Neo felt eyes on him, and he shot a defensive glare to the organics gawking at him.

Tails pretended he hadn't been watching and coughed nervously. Sonic, on the other hand, raised a brow at Neo and smiled. Neo looked away sharply.

"Y-You know... you guys don't have to be evil." Tails nervously told them. He started making the bed to distract himself from his anxiety. "It's obvious that you could be good people."

"Hey. We're not just evil!" Silver exclaimed, offended. "We're good sometimes!"

"Evil is an abstract concept." Mecha responded flatly. "Show me a handful of good and a handful of evil and I will acknowledge their existence."

Neo rolled his optics at them all and said nothing. This goody-two-shoes hero talk was worthless to him.

"I- Okay. What I mean is, you can be better people." Tails re-worded his statement with an ear flattened. "I thought you guys were supercomputers, do I reeeaaally have to spell it out to you?"

"What?! We are good!" Silver interjected with his arms out. "... Sometimes! On Mondays! And sometimes Wednesdays! Not on Sundays, though, that's reserved for pure evil, maiming and murdering and gaming."

"What if you do good things for selfish reasons." Neo interjected to himself. "Or, what about when bad actions lead to good outcomes?"

Mecha regarded his brother with a tilt of his head. "I believe that we are discussing the concept of "goodness" that organic creatures attempt to enforce. To them, goodness is about being kind, acting selflessly, showing compassion, and-"

"Dying of extreme boredom really fast." Silver finished his brother's sentence and put a hand on his hip. "This is cute and all, but like... we're killer robots."

Tails only got bolder. "I think you're just saying that." He ventured as he neatened a bedsheet. "You guys seem to pick and choose which rules are too "organic" for you as you see fit." He bit his lip after speaking, impressed at how brave he was being, but also nervous about losing Silver's approval. "You won't even consider not being evil because it's too "abstract" or "organic", but you'll quite happily play a video game with me?"

Silver pouted at him. "I thought that gaming session was gonna be a secret. Not cool." He crossed his arms and sighed. "Listen... things are real complicated at the moment. We've got a lot goin' on and you know that-

Mecha sat up straight and sharply looked up to the window. His movements were more stiff and robotic than usual, which caught Neo's attention at once. He waited to see if Mecha would say anything, but he didn't - instead, he quickly rose to his feet and strode over to the window, staring outside at nothing. Concerned, Neo jumped up to his feet and moved to stand beside Mecha.

That was when he felt it too. Something was wrong.

Neo narrowed his optics as he looked this way and that. Infrared and bio-tracking detected nothing, but that did not rule out robots. Nothing mechanical pinged back either, but that meant nothing in light of this. Perhaps GUN had perfected foiling his scanners by now. He cursed internally and set his scanners to a wider sweep. Now, a feeling like panic rose in him, sending energy to his limbs and taking his CPU clock rate higher. All of his scans registered nothing, yet they were definitely being hunted by something. He tried to apply logic to the situation, but it evaded him. There was nothing logical about fear of nothing!

Silver walked up behind them, frowning. "What is it?"

Mecha slowly took a step in front of Silver to protect him and lowered his head.

Tails gave Sonic a concerned look before looking over to the three. "Hey, guys? Mind telling us what's going on?"

Silver looked back to Tails and shrugged a shoulder.

Neo cast the slightest of glances to Sonic and Tails. His optics narrowed accusingly, but he said nothing. If either of them had sold the brothers out, he was going to make them pay with blood. Sonic met his optics and shook his head. He knew what Neo would be thinking. Neo held his eyes for a long moment before dipping his head and looking back outside.

That was when Neo and Mecha detected the threat. The thrum of a modified engine was unique against the din of the city traffic. The enemy must be close enough to detect now, and there was one main enemy they had already fought who used cloaking technology at a distance...

Mecha suddenly grabbed Silver, pushed him into Sonic and Tails, and shoved all of them to the floor in one smooth motion. At the same time, Neo revved his engine loudly and jumped out of the window before shooting off into the city in a blur.

"Mecha, what gives?! Hey!" Sonic yelped and tried to struggle out from under the robot, who held them firmly down. "Let go of me-"

Silver pressed his hand over the hedgehog's mouth and growled at him. "Shush. Somebody found us. That's the only reason Mecha would act like that." He withdrew his hand and looked up at Mecha. "Right, bro?"

Mecha nodded and released them, but motioned for the three to stay down. He slipped back over to the window and pressed his back to the wall and ran every scan he could throw at the situation. "We have been detected by the military." He looked down to the laptop, which was peeking out from under the blankets on the floor. He lingered on it for a moment.

Silver's systems turned cold. Had he drawn attention to them by deleting that file? His regret got the better of him and he spoke up. "U-Uh, Mecha, I think it's my fault. I messed around on the database last night..." He admitted, his voice wavering with guilt. "I didn't mean to cause a problem, I promise."

Mecha regarded him with a slight nod of his head. "Do not fret. We will navigate this situation as it unfolds, for what is done is done."

"Okay." Silver nervously responded and sighed. He was about to look away in shame, but Mecha's gaze rested on him again and he hesitantly made eye contact.

"Trust me." Mecha told him, sounding confident. "It is possible to make a mistake and still win."

Silver smiled up at him. It was then that he remembered that Mecha was a natural commander... He wasn't going to berate Silver for making a mistake - he was going to figure out the most efficient way to get them out of the problem. He nodded with fresh determination and tried to put his mistake to one side. "Yeah. Roger that, commander Mecha."

"Stay down. Do not leave this building." Mecha told them again. A distinct authoritative tone underlined his words. "I must leave to assist my brother. If you require my protection, ask Silver to ping me." He then vaulted out of the window and blasted off after Neo in a cloud of smoke.

Mecha's scanners now quickly detected a familiar enemy. It was travelling away from their location at high speeds - Neo must have been leading it away from the city. That was something he never would have done in the past.

It didn't take long to catch up. Mecha spotted Neo and the enemy locked in a deadly spar already. He came to a stop and hovered several hundred feet away, watching intently. Moving in now could distract his brother, and he didn't want that. It would render him less efficient at his task.

The gold-coloured robot swung its deadly lance at Neo. The sheer power launched a destructive energy wave that sent gold light through the air. Neo simply calculated where to dodge and moved. The other robot estimated where Neo would go and fired several missiles at him. Neo activated his black shield and deflected the first six, but the seventh broke through. He clumsily grappled with it in his hand, suddenly hyper-aware of the civilization beneath them. It would be so easy to just let it go over his shoulder whilst it still had momentum. Maybe it would destroy the useless buildings below him. Maybe even take Sonic out too, if he could throw it that way hard enough! But, for once, it was just a fleeting thought. He regarded the impulse and then let it go.

He looked up at the Egg Emperor and his optics brightened. His thirst for vengeance on GUN spurred him on to fight.

They took and deeply harmed his brother. They hacked one of his ex-soldiers in his own home. They nearly got Silver killed. And now they were dragging their feud into a public space! Where civilians could be harmed by the fallout! He had to laugh. Was the military not there to protect? Humans. So fickle in their intentions! So unworthy of his mercy. He had never been so elated to have the upper hand in battle! And his pent-up rage from interacting with Sonic only added more fuel to the fire!

So, just how many times would they play this game? It didn't matter. Neo decided he wasn't playing.

He took the missile in one hand, tested its weight, and then threw it right back as hard as he could. Precisely as it left his hand, he punched it with the other. The projectile moved too quickly for the other robot to process, and it broke through its torso cockpit with frightening ease. Neo hovered in place, admiring his handiwork with pride written all over his face. Judging by the lack of blood and screaming, the robot wasn't being manually piloted this time.

Mecha noticed this from afar. If nobody was controlling the Egg Emperor from within, then... where was the remote user, and where was the rest of the military? He looked around with a fresh sense of urgency. This wouldn't be the only mech after them. Not only that, but now he knew that GUN wasn't above playing dirty to get the upper hand. For a moment, he turned away from the fight in front of him to look around. But then his scanners detected something approaching quickly from behind. It didn't register as robotic or organic and moved too quickly to be either, too. He boosted himself up using his jet engine in an instant and a missile screamed by where he had been. He sent an energy blast after it to destroy it.

Then, Neo and Mecha's optics met.

Neo's optics darted from Mecha to the Egg Emperor several times.

"Go back."

Mecha moved closer, insistent. "I am not leaving you."

"I cannot allow you to be harmed again. Please go back."

"You are not invincible. It is not always wise to act alone."

"Mecha, go-"

As if to underline Neo's words, the Egg Emperor now targeted Mecha. It went from a standstill to a blur straight at him. Mecha had shown weakness before at the hands of this machine - he was an easy target to GUN, especially after what had happened to him.

Mecha froze in place. It was as if his processor had stalled. He stared straight ahead at the golden lance that rushed to meet him.

It hadn't hurt when it happened. He didn't feel pain, after all. It was what came after. The dark cell he awoke in. The ceaseless questions and accusations. The restraints. The sensory overload over and over again. And when the infection hit...

Neo was there in an instant. He swerved in front of Mecha at breakneck speed. Just before the deadly weapon could scathe his brother, Neo slammed his hand up against it and held it up. His arm shook with the strain and his optics squinted more and more the longer he held his position. He looked back at Mecha, silently pleading with him to move, and quickly.

Everything had slipped away so easily - his control over himself, his control over what happened to him. And then the intrusive thoughts came. Acting in ways that hurt his brother, after. That hurt. That hurt, he decided. Acting in ways that caused harm to his loved ones was the worst pain of all.

Mecha met Neo's optics with fear. Seeing this, Neo's desperate look softened. He reached back with his other hand and grasped Mecha's in his. He held it tightly and inclined his head towards him to show confidence in him.

"I've got you."

Mecha stared blankly at him. His hand shook and Neo just held it tighter. He moved his hand so that his fingers intertwined with his brother's. Mecha looked down at their hands and then back up at his brother.

The situation suddenly registered in his head, and just in time. He saw the robot's shield about to come down on Neo - he couldn't allow that!

Mecha yanked Neo back into himself and shot backwards as quickly as he could. The shield narrowly missed them both. Mecha released Neo quickly and boosted himself in front of the other robot with renewed resolve.

The Egg Emperor swung for Mecha again. This time he met it head-on. He dodged to one side, then up, and then landed several well-placed blows on the golden machine. He moved faster than ever before, too quick for the machine to keep up - it had clocked his speed so much lower in their last fight.

Fighting this hollow shell of a robot brought a strange type of closure. It had caused him to end up in that situation in the first place. Beating it now was like affirming that it wouldn't happen again. And this time, there was nobody piloting it from within.

That did leave a remote user, though. And unbeknownst to Mecha and Neo, their GUN contact worked from a distance to help them now. The Egg Emperor's remote access was shut down. Without any input on what to do, the machine's movements were slower and less calculated. It was no match for the two brothers in this state.

Mecha deliberately shot up above the machine and then slammed his feet down into its head as hard as he could.

It lost power and started to fall down to the ground below, luckily quite far from the city now. Mecha followed intently. Neo hesitated before giving chase - something was wrong here. Mecha wouldn't normally go after an enemy if it was already down, right? As he touched down a few feet away, he watched his older brother continue to attack. He gave him space for a moment.

Mecha kept going. He landed punch after punch on the defeated robot. The metal beneath his fists gave way with every heavy blow. Sparks flew from the scratched and dented metal plating. And he kept going.

Neo slowly walked up behind him against his better judgement. "Mecha."

Mecha either ignored him or didn't hear him. He tore into the other machine until his knuckles were dented and blackened from the loss of paint.

Neo gently rested a hand on Mecha's shoulder. "You need to st-"

Without warning, Mecha spun around and swung a clenched fist in Neo's face. Neo staggered backwards - Mecha was strong, and he was taken off guard. He held his cheek plate and stared at Mecha.

Mecha stared back at him. His was visor a bright and glaring red and his body shook as if containing the worst rage he had ever felt.

The two brothers stared each other down for a long minute.

Mecha's engine revved aggressively, while Neo stood calmly opposite him.

How strange it was for their usual roles to be reversed.

Something clicked in Mecha's head. He took a step back and slowly put his hands up in surrender. "I hit you. I hit you."

Neo looked at him softly. "It was my fault. I should have given you space."

"I hit you."

"Mecha-"

"I hurt you."

Neo flinched at the twinge of pain in Mecha's voice. It was unlike him to speak like that - it almost made him nauseous to hear. The only time he had sounded like that was when he was attacked by that terrible virus. He took a couple of steps towards Mecha and put his hands up, too.

"You are forgiven. My forgiveness will always be yours."

"Why."

"Because you are my brother."

"I hit you again."

"I am aware."

"I do not want to hurt you."

"You did not mean it. So, it does not hurt."

"Do not lie to me."

"I would not do that."

Mecha slowly nodded. He lowered his hands back down. Then, he turned and looked back at the broken robot behind him.

"I-" Mecha stopped, staring down at his hands. "I won."

"You did."

"I won this time."

"Yes, you-"

Mecha cracked. Without warning, he threw himself at Neo and pulled him into the tightest hug he could give with shaking arms. He buried his muzzle into the crook of Neo's neck and clicked sadly.

Neo gently wrapped his arms around his brother and held him tight. It was times like this where Neo hated that his brother couldn't feel touch like he could...

"I did it. I did it. I-I did it." Mecha stammered out. His voice synthesizer wavered with his anxiety and newfound anger.

Neo pulled back slightly and rested his forehead against Mecha's. "I saw. You defeated it like it was nothing."

"I did it."

"You did. I'm proud of you, brother." Neo gently took Mecha's marred hands in his and ran his thumbs over the flaking paint. When he looked down at them, he noticed how his brother's fingers twitched ever so slightly from the damage done to the joints. He ventilated sadly and looked back up at him.

Mecha couldn't stop shaking. He looked down at the ground as if to avoid Neo's optics.

Neo held Mecha's face in his hands and tipped his head back up. "Mecha. Look at me."

Mecha slowly made eye contact with him but said nothing.

"It is okay to feel."

"It scares me."

"Yes. Before, you did not have to process the tragedies that you have gone through. It was safer not to feel."

"I accomplish my tasks and nothing more. My missions are not tragedies. They are simply-"

"Mecha." Neo put his hands on his brother's shoulders and looked at him pointedly. "You are traumatized."

Mecha held his optics for a long moment. "I do not wish to be... that. I do not like it. It makes me hurt you."

Neo listened to him with a gentle nod. "I understand. But do not make this about me. You are the one who is suffering, you must think about yourself."

Mecha tried his best to understand this, tilting his head this way and that. "Think about myself..?"

"You are my brother. I love you and I am proud of you." Neo reminded him. "No number of punches to the face will change that."

"Are you certain of this?"

"Do you trust me?"

"I trust you."

"There is your answer."

"Affirmative." Mecha lingered on it for a second. "What are the terms and conditions of this... love."

Neo let out the smallest laugh at his sibling's straightforwardness. "There are none. I will always be proud of you."

Mecha's head lifted ever so slightly and his shoulders squared back. He gave a nod, seeming to return to his usual self. "Affirmative. I will log this in my memory banks for further scrutiny."

A distinct smile came over Neo's optics. He motioned for Mecha to follow him. "Do as you please." He looked back to check that Mecha was following. "I am always proud of you and Silver. You may recall that memory as often as you need."

Mecha stopped, and Neo stopped with him. Neo tilted his head. "What?"

Mecha played Neo's sentence back at him through his speakers and watched the other robot's expression twist into embarrassment. "I will ensure that I play this for Silver. It may boost their efficiency by an estimated 10%."

Neo squinted at him.

Mecha looked at him innocently.

Flustered, Neo turned on his heel and kept walking.

"You love him." Mecha stated, following behind his sibling. "Why is it difficult for you to convey that. You appear to have little problem conveying the same message to me."

"I do." Neo responded flatly, looking down at the ground. He clenched a fist. "And I would maim any being who so much as scratches his paint." He uncurled his hand and sighed. "He is my little sibling. Our relationship is... different."

"He angers you."

"And I rile them." Neo affirmed that with a smirk about his voice. "As their older sibling, it is my duty to tease them. "

He stopped cold in his tracks.

Mecha stopped by his side and tilted his head.

Neo reached up to his ear and sent a ping to Silver. Nothing came back. He slowly lowered his hand and looked at Mecha.

They shared a long look of dread.

"I believe we are drawing the same conclusion." Mecha said slowly. He tuned his auditory sensors this way and that, listening for any unusual sounds against the background of the city behind them. "There is military presence nearby."

Neo didn't wait. He grabbed Mecha's hand and shot off into the air, only releasing Mecha once his own jet engine had come online again.

Either Silver was badly hurt, or the military was scrambling all communications to throw them off.

Neither scenario would do.

-------------------

Sonic leaned his elbow against his knee and rested his chin on his hand. "I can't believe I'm takin' orders from my worst enemies."

"Your worst enemies so far!" Silver "corrected" him with a smile. "Don't worry, our pops will probably end up making like, a hundred more robo Sonics."

"That's reassuring," Sonic muttered. "I don't know what I'd do with my time if I didn't have more metal me's to trash."

"Well, why don't you trash me?" Silver asked him, genuinely interested. "Is it just because I don't scowl like Metal or look menacing like Mecha?"

Sonic sat up and gave him a concerned look. "Kiddo, think back to everything we've talked about. You're practically one of us."

Silver stared at him. "What do you mean, one of you?" He squinted at Sonic and leaned forward on his hands. "I'm not about to become a hero if that's what you think! I'm loyal to my bros before anything or anyone else."

"Nah, I figured." Sonic stretched his arms up and yawned. "I mean more like, you're practically a person like us. Why would I wanna trash you?"

The robot sat back and sighed. "S'ppose so." There was a small silence that made him think more into it. He folded his arms on his knees. "I got it all wrong..." He nestled his forehead into his arms and sighed. "I always said... robots are easy. They say they wanna kill you and then, spoiler alert, they kill you, and that organics pretend to be your friend first." He lifted his head and looked at Sonic and Tails. "But that line isn't so clear cut, is it?"

"Well... nobody can really blame you!" Tails tried to reassure him with a smile. "I mean, you're only days old, right?"

"Yeah. I think I was just- I was just scared." Silver looked down and paused for a moment. "The only interaction I had with an organic being at first was when I was kinda just... abandoned by one." He seemed to realize something upon saying that, and made eye contact with Sonic. "And my AI chip just kinda kept growing more uh, complicated I guess. I wasn't really sure of what I was, and... it was easier to just run away from that feeling. So... now I know how shit Metal must feel every day. To not know what you are, it sucks."

Tails looked at him with sympathy. "That's a lot. B-but look on the bright side!"

Silver looked at him pointedly.

"You can decide who you are. You get to create yourself." Tails offered him a small smile. "You're not just another mindless robot."

Silver nodded and sighed. "Yeah, yeah. Guess so. Thanks, fox boy." He softened and gave a small laugh. "Identity is a game and I'm just kinda glitching through the walls."

He straightened all of a sudden and looked over to the door. Without saying anything, he slowly stood up and crept over to it. His body language gave away his stress, and Sonic and Tails looked at each other.

Silver tuned his auditory sensors carefully. When he did, he easily picked up the distinct sound of military boots on the flooring in the reception. And they were moving towards their room.

"Those GUN morons are here." Silver murmured. "I gotta go, they'll be here for m-"

The door was suddenly kicked down in front of him and several rifles and pistols pointed in his face.

"Sonic the hedgehog, come quietly!"

Silver immediately put himself in front of Sonic and Tails with his arm out to protect them. His expression instantly turned serious.

"You are harbouring a fugitive! Come quietly and we'll talk!"

Silver scoffed at them. "Come quietly my ass." He took a step forward. "I know how you guys roll now. You don't give a damn about anyone but yourselves!"

A soldier made the mistake of moving closer to him with a pistol to intimidate him. Silver just shook his head, swiped it out from their hands, and turned it on them. "You wanna play this game, huh?" He pulled the top slide towards himself until there was a click, and pointed it at each soldier in turn. "I can play too. Don't think I won't pull this trigger..."

Behind him, Sonic put his hands up and walked up to him. "C'mon kiddo. You don't need to shoot anybody here."

Silver grit his teeth and held the pistol steady. "You don't know what they're capable of, Sonic." He lowered his head and glared at the logo on their uniforms. "I'm not letting them hurt you too." He cast a slight glance over his shoulder upon hearing helicopters and riot vans outside. "You think they brought all this firepower just to have a chat with us? No way. No freaking way."

One of the soldiers reached for their radio whilst Silver was distracted.

"The robot fugitive has hostages. Bring all forces to our location."

Tails piped up from behind Silver in disbelief. "No he doesn't! You came in here with guns!"

Silver just snickered at the ridiculousness of it all. "Robots are always the bad guys, right? Everyone knows that." He twirled the pistol around his trigger finger. "Watch out everyone, big scary murder robot is just standing here menacingly!"

As if to underline his words, Neo and Mecha came back. They were instantly on either side of Silver, protective as ever - Neo was angry, and Mecha was distraught that this nightmare of an organization was threatening his brother. The three of them were formidable together, and the soldiers instantly backed up.

"Machines, give yourselves up..." Came a familiar voice from behind the row of soldiers. They parted to let their commander through with looks of surprise. Upon seeing the three standing there, he sneered with disgust. "... and we will forget about Sonic the hedgehog's little misdeed."

Mecha suddenly froze in place. Slowly, he backed away just one step - he wanted to protect his siblings, but he was afraid. He steeled himself before stepping forward again. The two strongest feelings in him fought with one another... The desire to defend his siblings against the deep-set fear of that terrible commander.

"Not a chance in hell!" Silver snapped at him and stepped forward, aiming at him with intent. "You're not getting your slimy hands on them ever again! Got that?"

The commander looked down at Silver's hand and smirked. "Your hand is shaking, little robot. Are you broken?"

Silver stole a look to his hand and found that it was indeed trembling - but not with fear. He growled and glared up at the human with renewed anger. "You would know about breaking things, wouldn't you? You're a sicko. Stay away from my brothers or I'll pull this trigger."

"Look, guys, nobody needs to get hurt-" Sonic tried to intervene, but Neo stepped in front of all of them, where he blocked Silver's aim deliberately.

Silver slowly lowered his pistol in disbelief. "W-Wait, what are you doing?"

"I give up." Neo signed. "Take me, leave them."

Silver almost couldn't believe it. "You're not serious right now."

Neo looked back at him and signed, "trust me." He gave a wink with one optic and turned back. "If we can get inside their base, I can destroy the technology that they stole from us, eliminate the virus completely, and delete everything they have on Mecha. Having been inside before, I know the layout well." He didn't turn around to look at Sonic, instead turning his head ever so slightly towards him. "Protect Mecha in exchange for your freedom. This conflict will not end until someone settles it."

Silver let his fingers slowly uncurl from around the pistol in his hand. Begrudgingly, he lifted it and let it drop to the floor. "Me too. I give up too. Just leave Mecha out of it." His breakdown from that night was fresh in his mind, and his thoughts of Neo coming home in pieces were too hard to bear. So before Neo could tell him not to give himself up, the deed was already done.

"Very well. So be it." The commander snapped his fingers and the soldiers immediately cuffed the two robots. "You're coming with us for... questioning."

"You didn't say there'd be a test." Silver quipped as he tested the cuffs. "I didn't study. What a shame."

Neo looked back at Mecha, who stared at him in terror and disbelief.

"Brother, this is not safe. I implore you to re-think your decision." Mecha begged him. "Allow me to come with you. I must protect you."

Neo shook his head. "Stay. We will not be gone for long."

"It'll be okay, bro. Don't worry about a thing." Silver reassured him with a smile. "Princess Neo and I got this."

Mecha could scream. How were they so calm? Could they not see the danger? He went to touch Neo, but a rifle in his side pushed him away. "You could come to great harm. Do not do this."

"Trust me."

"I..." Mecha hesitated and shakily lowered his hand. "I trust you."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

Mecha felt sick as his brothers left with the very group that had ripped his mind apart without mercy. He tried to follow, but Sonic grabbed his arm and pulled him back. Tails hooked his arm around Mecha's other arm to help.

"I'm sorry, buddy. He asked me to protect you." Sonic apologized with a sigh. "Let's just try to chillax now, okay?"

Mecha stared at the floor in shock. His brothers might not ever come back. And he was supposed to just accept that? He felt powerless all over again, just like he did back in that black hole of a cell. He didn't register either of the two organics speaking to him, or that they had made him sit down on the floor.

"Why."

The rainbow that graced the sky outside seemed to mock him.

#fanfiction #everyone gets EXISTENTIAL #and poor mecha really has anxiety today huh #sorry. sorry #he'll get a break soon i swear #alternate chapter title: tfw you're a murder machine but you also have crippling anxiety #metal stays on that sigma grindset tm #silver played COD once so now he wants to touch every gun to ever exist

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fallout4holmes · 3 years

Text

Nuka-World 12

"I'm not happy about this," Preston frowned.

MacCready had justified his claim to be the best shot caps can buy. Deacon had taken the dead Operator's clothes, hid the body, and was now out of sight within the bottling plant. Preston and I were headed back into the theater.

"Deacon's one of the best spies you could hope for, he'll be fine," I said, half to convince myself. I'd drilled Deacon on everything I knew about the Operators, but that wasn't much.

"I hope you're right," Preston said. "The last thing this mission needs are surprises—"

"Colonel!" A panicked Minuteman came running from outside, "The rides are moving!"

"They're what??" Preston demanded as we hurried back out into the park.

Sure enough, the ferris wheel was slowly turning, the teacup ride was spinning, everything that could move was moving as if it had never stopped, though I imagine a bit creakier than two hundred years ago. Honestly, I was a little impressed that nothing went spinning off into oblivion.

"Guess Chip got his wish," I chuckled.

"Who?" Preston asked.

"Local handyman, mentioned to Holmes how much he'd like to see the park powered up properly again. Guess Holmes made it happen. Sure as hell wasn't the raiders."

"But why now?"

I shrugged, "Your guess is as good as mine. I think I've been away from Nuka-Town long enough, I should check in with Holmes."

"Of course," Preston nodded. "Oh, before you go, how far from the Pack's camp in Nuka-Town is the arena?"

"Amphitheater's right across from the Cola-Cars, but there's a marketplace in the way. Why?"

"I figure we'll come in through the entrance by Fizztop Mountain, head south to the Parlor, then hit the Amphitheater. By then everyone in the Cola-Cars arena will hear the fighting, hopefully we'll draw them out. The tricky part will be keeping the fighting out of the marketplace."

"And why are the raiders going to be in the arena?" I drawled. "That's the end of their sadistic Gauntlet, Holmes isn't…" I stopped, and Preston kept his face neutral. "That's the big distraction?" I demanded. "Holmes is gonna open the Gauntlet?"

"That's the plan," Preston said, terse.

"Something tells me you don't like the plan."

Preston crossed his arms, "Unfortunately, I didn't have a better one. The guy who delivered the General's message, Harvey, also gave us a description of the traps inside, but said that could change."

I nodded, "And probably will. We only made it through by moving slow and stealthy, disarming every trap we spotted, and even then there were too many close calls."

"That's why I don't like the plan," Preston huffed. "Everything hinges on one person not dying inside of a death trap."

I shook my head, "Something doesn't add up. Why would Holmes send someone through that thing?"

"It's certain to pull a large number of raiders out of the town, into one isolated area." Preston sighed, "The plan makes sense, it'll be easier for the Minutemen to take control of the raider bases if half of them are off watching some blood sport. I just wish there was another way to keep everyone distracted."

"Hm. I hate it just as much as you do, but these raiders despise each other at the best of times. The only reason they're willing to work together at all is the promise of more power, violence, and caps. Getting them to all look in the same direction takes… well, a hell of a show."

"They'll definitely get that," Preston smirked, still a bit bitter.

"This invasion of Nuka-Town of yours going to happen before or after you take the rest of the parks?"

He sighed again, frustrated, "That's the other thing. When we got the General's message, I scrambled to gather as many Minutemen as I could, as fast as I could, but still kept it a small enough force that we could travel quickly without drawing too much attention. That means we can't afford to lose anyone before the big fight, but I can't just leave a bunch of raiders in the other parks ready to swoop in and flank us."

"That's a predicament."

He laughed, "No shit!"

I chuckled, "Sorry I can't be more helpful. Battle plans aren't exactly my forte."

"You've been a huge help, Nick," he said, earnest, "Your information is the only reason this insane mission might be pulled off successfully."

"Don't sell yourself short," I smiled. "There's no rescue without rescuers."

Preston scoffed, but he was smiling.

"There are always raiders on guard inside the marketplace," I thought out loud. "If none of the Minutemen go inside the market, the raiders might come out."

"Or they'll just shoot us from the doors."

"So you need a couple people on the inside, someone who can take the raiders out quick when they start shooting."

"Deacon?"

I shrugged, "Sure, maybe Cait could go with, pretend to be tourists looking to spend some caps. Unless you got some Minutemen with acting skills?"

He shook his head, "Not that I know of, but it's not like I know every soldier's personal interests."

"MacCready could certainly play the part—"

"I need him up on the tallest building we can find, taking out as many as he can."

"Fair enough. Well, whenever Deacon comes back from his infiltration, you can ask what he thinks of the idea. I'll be back tomorrow morning, unless Holmes sends me back here sooner."

I made my way out, taking a moment to marvel at how different the place looked with everything moving. Still eerie, no people around, but you could picture what it must have been like in its heyday. It was kinda nice, until I heard Hancock shouting for help from the tunnels.

"Radaway! Hey! I need some fucking Radaway down here!!"

For a moment I actually wondered why a ghoul would need Radaway before realizing what had happened. I ran over to the closest entrance in time to see Hancock exit, hauling Deacon over his shoulders. “Shit,” I swore and reached for him.

“I got him, took a buffout,” Hancock protested, moving fast, “just gotta get him to Curie.”

“Hang on a sec, I got something better than Radaway.” I took a bottle of X-111 out of my pocket, “This stuff’s stronger, Holmes helped a scientist in the Brotherhood cook it up, way back.”

Hancock carefully put Deacon down. The spy looked… well, like he was dying of radiation poisoning. “You just keep a bottle of this shit on you all the time?” Hancock asked as I gave Deacon the medicine.

“After seeing my partner drink from a radioactive stream once, I started carrying it with me everywhere.”

“Holmes did what?”

“It was in Far Harbor, he needed to infiltrate the Children of Atom.”

Deacon made a sound somewhere between a cough and a laugh, “Detective’s a special kind of crazy.”

“Don’t I know it,” I chuckled. “How’re you feeling?”

“Less like dying, so that’s good?”

“Hancock, hurry on over to Curie and grab some stimpaks, will ya’?” Hancock nodded and hurried on. I shook my head with a sigh, “Speaking of special kinds of crazy, I’m guessing you went for a swim?”

“No swimming,” Deacon groaned, “just… wading through a reactor pool and down the much longer than expected drainpipe. Opened the grate, we can get in now. So you’re welcome.”

I frowned. “Why do we need to get in?”

Curie arrived, gently scolded Deacon as she fussed over him, and assured him he’d be feeling better soon. Preston and Hancock were close behind, along with a crowd of curious Minutemen and allies.

“What happened?” Preston asked, genuinely concerned.

"All that nuclear waste in the tunnels is coming from a secret lab in the bottling plant where the soft drink inventors were making weapons for the military," Deacon said, sounding stronger by the second. "And they succeeded. The lab was inaccessible until the power came on. We now have a very limited amount of time to make sure no Operators figure out how to open the door and gain access to blue glowing grenades and mini-nukes."

“You got out through the drain pipe,” I filled in the blanks, “and now that’s how we’re going to get in and take the Operators by surprise.”

“That was the plan.”

“Nick,” Preston said, all soldierly this time, “I know you need to get back to Holmes sooner rather than later, but I need your help on this. I want to send through Strong, Mayor Hancock, the two Minutemen with me who are ghouls, and you. It’s a small force, but a capable one, and most importantly none of you will have to worry about the rads taking you down before you get to the fight.”

I nodded, "I get it. Let's get a move on."

#fallout4holmes #fallout 4 #nuka world #nick valentine #sherlock holmes #fan fiction #catching up on past posts #better late than never

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blueeyedheizer · 3 years

Text

sound of metal - matt

WARNING: might contain some triggering topics (talks of surgery, hearing loss)

A/N: this movie was so beautiful and heartbreaking at the same time I had to write something based on it. (excuse the crappy ending) If you haven't seen sound of metal...go watch it nowww

•••

Matt had been acting strange lately. Wether it was during sound check or while you were performing in front of a crowd, he seemed off and completely out of it everytime you shot a glance his way.

Today wasn't any different and you were starting to grow seriously worried. You and your band were performing in front of your biggest crowd yet; the band was getting more and more recognition and people were quick to spread the word about your small tour. It even got to the point where people would take pictures with you and buy your merch after the show. Quite frankly, everything was going well and it was a dream come true.

But when you looked at Matt, it seemed like he wasn't handling things as well as you did. At first, you thought that it might only be stage fright. You weren't really used to such big venues, and it would've made sense that he feels some kind of discomfort in front of an important audience. Yet he never spoke to any of you about it, and you knew he would've at least told you if that was the case.

So when you looked over your shoulder in the middle of the fourth song and caught sight of him you immediately sensed that once again, something wasn't right. He looked almost terrified, you could tell his breathing was heavy and that it wasn't just because of the drums. You tried to contain your worry and focus on your singing, but you kept a mental note to talk to him after the show. You couldn't just sit there and keep pretending everything was alright when he was clearly hiding something from you.

But before you even had the time to move on from your thoughts Matt suddenly stormed out of the stage, his drumsticks falling to the floor while he pushed a few people on his way out. Your heart pounded hard against your chest as you were hit with a wave of anxiety, then with a small apology to the crowd and a worried glance at your bandmates you followed him.

Within seconds you were bursting through the back doors, running after him.

"Matt! Matthew, what the hell?" you called, running to his side. He was bent down, hands resting on his knees as he panted hard. You placed your hands on his shoulders and he eventually stood up straight before leaning against the fence. "Baby, what's wrong?" you placed your hands on his cheeks, your thumbs stroking his skin as your eyes searched for his.

"I can't hear anything." he admitted, voice cracking.

"What?"

"I can't hear anything."

You just picked at your food, not hungry due to how anxious you felt. You could barely register anything else than the sound of your heartbeat, the sounds of muffled talking, plates and glasses clinking from the restaurant being completely drowned out by your nagging thoughts.

"What are we gonna do?" James eventually spoke up.

"I don't know James. I really don't know." you put your fork down and buried your face in your hands, finally letting a few tears slip. You leg was bouncing repeatedly, heart beating a million miles a minute. After taking a deep breath, you grabbed the pen and paper that were in front of you and wrote something down.

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?" you slid the paper across the table so that Matt could read it. He sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"I didn't want you to worry about it. It's nothing. It'll come back eventually." he said, but you were far from satisfied with his answer. You squeezed your eyes shut.

"What did the doctor say?" once again, you slid the paper across the table.

"There's a surgery. An implant. It's— it's expensive but I'll get it."

"Y/N, there's no way he'll be able to afford it." James whispered. You glanced at him and nodded, knowing damn well you'd never be able to earn so much money in such a short amount of time. You were just a small band, earning a salary worth of such surgery would take an excessive amount of work and time. Noticing the worried look on everyone's face, Matt broke the silence and grabbed your hand.

"Look— we'll play tomorrow and see how it's like. It'll come back. It's fine baby, my hearing's not completely gone. okay? I can do it." Matt said, and you shook your head.

"No."

"We have a tour booked."

"Matt, it's not safe." you tried to reason with him as more tears welled in your eyes.

"We have a tour booked, Y/N, I'll just deal with it, I can do it!"

"No, Matt. We can't." you removed your hand from his hold.

"It'll come back!"

"For God's sakes Matt, it's not safe!" you finally raised your voice, fist colliding with the table as you flopped back against your seat. Your bandmates flinched and some waitresses and customers turned to you, thinking a fight had broke out. You apologized quietly, not even loud enough for any of them to hear before grabbing the pen.

"We're not finishing the tour. You can barely hear a word we're saying. We're not finishing it." you put the pen down and got up, gathering your things before turning to James and Alex. "I'll call the manager and see what we can do."

And with that, you left the dinner without a word.

Fortunately, your manager was very understanding of the situation and helped you with everything you needed. He got you in contact with a friend of his who ran a small community in which Matt would be able to attend meetings and learn sign language.

You called the man immediately after finishing the call with your manager, wanting to get this done as soon as possible. You were hit with a wave of relief when he told you he would be more than willing to welcome Matt, as long as he complied with the rules that were imposed there. But getting Matt to understand that this wasn't just a small hearing loss and that he needed help was another story.

"I'm not going, Y/N. God, it— it doesn't even bother me that much! I can still play!" he said and you shook your head, lowering it afterwards. You had never seen him so agitated, and no matter how hard he tried to convince you that he was okay, you could see right through him. His hearing loss was in fact bothering him, he just wouldn't admit it. "Baby I know our songs by heart, we could just—"

"Matt, stop. Just stop." you interrupted him. Tears were beginning to form in your eyes and it was getting harder to hold them back. He scoffed, burying his hands in his hair.

"Matt. Please. Just look at me." you placed your index finger under his chin, forcing him to look at you. "The most important thing right now is to preserve the hearing you have left. Okay?" your hand slid to his cheek, wiping a tear before pecking his lips. "I love you so much, baby. And that's why I'm not leaving you the choice. We're cancelling the tour, and you're going to let these people take care of you." you told him, making sure to speak clearly.

-time skip-

Those 6 months spent away from him were hard. The members of the community he was in all lived in one house together with no contact to the outside world - which meant no phones allowed. It was a rule that you had agreed on committing to, but you hadn't anticipated how awfully long these months would actually be. Performing without him was something you couldn't get used to. You had found a new drummer for the time he was gone, but it was different. You were so used to Matt's energy, his way of playing, and the boy was nothing like him. He was really nice and Alex and James seemed to get along well with him, but this band wouldn't even be here if it wasn't for Matt, therefore performing his songs without him felt wrong.

You had no idea what the future was going to look like, wether it was regarding the band or your relationship. You had no idea how Matt was doing. For all you knew he could be at his lowest point and you weren't there for him. Or maybe he was having an amazing time, and you couldn't shut off this nagging voice in the back of your head that kept telling you he might've met someone new.

You were walking home from work, looking forward to leave this long day behind you and get some well deserved rest. You greeted your dad and was about to make your way to your room, but his voice stopped you in your tracks before you could leave.

"Y'a Matt qui t'attends dans ta chambre." (Matt's waiting for you in your room.)

"Quoi?" (What?)

"Il est arrivé y'a une heure ou deux. Je lui ait dit de rester là en attendant que t'arrives." (He arrived about an hour or two ago. I told him to stay there and wait for you.)

You tried to contain your excitement in front of him, but your heart felt like it was about to burst inside your chest.

"Okay, cool. Merci."

With that, you left the kitchen and made your way upstairs hurriedly, heart beating faster with every step you took.

Finally, you opened the door to your room and your eyes immediately caught Matt's figure. He was sitting on your bed, a book in hands as he waited for you. You stayed at the door for a small instant, grinning warmly as he looked up, allowing you to finally make eye contact.

"Hi. Can you hear me?"

Matt set the book down and nodded, then you walked over to him, standing between his legs. You cupped his face and caressed his cheeks with your thumbs, taking in all of him. His hair was a bit longer than the last time you had seen him.

"I've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too."

You leaned in and pressed your lips together for the first time in five months, your hands sliding to the back of his head as the kiss deepened. You pulled away after a little less than a minute, catching your breath.

"What are you doing here? How— how did you afford it?" you asked a bit awkwardly, referring to his surgery as you noticed the implants on his ear.

"I had to sell my stuff." he shugged. "Guitars, synth, my car. Anything I could find, really." he chuckled sadly, lowering his head. Your face dropped at his words and a small silence settled in the room before he broke it with the smallest voice. "I'm sorry."

"Hey...there's nothing to apologise for." you said, lifting his chin up to peck his lips once again. He shook his head, refusing to make eye contact with you as tears welled up in his eyes. Then he climbed further up the bed silently, his back now resting against the headboard. You followed, situating yourself next to him.

"I ruined everything. The tour, the band, us." Everything."

"You didn't ruin anything. You couldn't control what happened, Matt. You know that." you tried to comfort him, scratching the back of his head with your fingertips. He scoffed a bit at your answer, still avoiding eye-contact.

"I can't get back to drumming, Y/N. I can never go back to how my life was before."

There was a pause before he finally dared to look at you. His eyes were red from holding back tears, cheeks streaked and flushed, the sight causing your face to visibly soften. You opened your mouth to speak, but nothing came out. Instead you looked down, fidgeting with the ring on your index finger and the room went silent. You knew things would never be the same, but you still took the news like a bullet. A couple more seconds passed and you took a small breath before climbing onto his lap gently.

A bitter, sad smile curved on your lips as you looked at him, hands cupping both sides of his head, gently rubbing your thumbs and occasionally wiping a few tears from his cheeks while you fought with great difficulty to hold yours in. First you kissed his forehead then you rested yours against it, noses brushing.

"I love you." you whispered, closing your eyes as you felt a tear escape and roll down your cheek. "I love you so much."

You pulled away just a bit and signed "I love you" to him in sign language to emphasise your words. He signed it back to you and you wrapped your arms around him, cradling his head against your chest as you mumbled comforting words, your hands rubbing his back and hair soothingly as you cried silently.

#blueeyeddean #matt

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