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#we see so much of the grand gestures intense moments side of their relationship
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sometimes i think about an AA universe where Edgeworth didn't have to be shuffled off every 5 seconds so he could maintain credibility as a rival....where Phoenix didn't have to win every case...yes AA is a game yes i understand why it did that for the narrative. but when I look at those lonely scared 24 year olds from AA1 i can't help but think that their version of a happy ending would be to be able to get used to each other. to face each other over stupid cases and small things. Sometimes one winning, sometimes the other, until it hardly matters anymore, all that matters is finding the truth together. I want them to take each other for granted!!! i want them to look at the other across the courtroom and say "time to face this bitch for the hundredth time i guess!!" these poor bastards have never had anything approaching emotional stability before let them have each other damn it
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Why Palpatine is autistic (headcanon)
Listen if I was diagnosed as autistic in 15 minutes without diagnostic assessment and by answering "eh, kind of" to 2/10 questions, then this man should be diagnosed ten times over
You can only disagree with me once you've read the whole thing <3
Part 1: DSM-5 official diagnostic criteria
Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation; to reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect; to failure to initiate or respond to social interactions.
This criterium can include a lack of affective/emotional empathy. Also, when is Palpatine interested in the emotions of others beyond how it serves him?
Yes, he does seem socially adept. But this is something you can learn, literally. He's had a lot of training in how politicians act, how to convince people, etc. It's all an act. It's just a more severe form of masking.
And let's not forget: how much easier is social interaction when you can sense the other person's thoughts and feelings through the Force? No need to read their body language at all. You can feel what's going on and what they want to hear
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Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.
Masking!! There are many moments with Palpatine where I'm like "ah, that there is very much a conscious expression, deliberately pulling those precise facial muscles, rather than something naturally happening". Same with a lot of moments of intonation.
Also, how often do you see him talk with his hands? When talking, his arms are usually rigidly at his side (or in T-Rex position).
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Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships, ranging, for example, from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers.
This is specifically about equal peer relationships. Yes, Palpatine knows how to do official/business relations. You can learn that in political school or by copying others. There are rules & tactics & etiquette/protocols. But close, personal relationships?
You often see autistics in relationships with power differences, like master-apprentice/dom-sub relationships (in either role). That's a lot easier to navigate than equal peer relationships, which are a lot muddier.
Also, "absence of interest in peers". When have we seen him yearning for close personal relationships?
Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypes, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).
Palpatine does have some frequent finger tapping going on and he "worm walks" (swaying with either legs or upper body, unless focusing on walking straight and/or looking at the ground, like in the third image).
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Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat same food every day).
I don't think he has this one.
Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).
This is the big one. What neurotypical person would be able to spend every waking moment working on one singular interest (Sith Grand Plan/Dark Side), forsaking social relationships and such? Even passionate allistics wouldn't be so entirely consumed by one thing for years on end.
Palpatine also collects objects related to that interest (the Sith artifacts/artworks).
Once he's emperor he doesn't show himself much anymore but instead spends all day alone studying his special interest.
Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g. apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).
First of all, the depression robes from the original trilogy. That's all.
Second, I think in the Star Wars universe "sensory aspects of the environment" could apply to the Force too, in line with hyper-empathy & hypersensitivity. And guess who was born super sensitive to the Force?
Third, no neurotypical person has that kind of interior design. I'm talking about all the red. My guess is chronic under-stimulation, thus needing to be surrounded by a bright color.
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Part 2: Miscellaneous/Non-diagnostic autistic traits
Gender non-conformity (always wears dresses and gives off such princess energy)
He often has T-Rex arms and when he doesn't, his arms are stiff by his side (stiff posture in general). When relaxed, the T-Rex comes out.
His father thought he was different from birth, something about Palpatine didn't appear "normal" to him
Autism & pattern recognition + seeing the inner mechanics of systems. This includes social/societal structures. Add in years of analyzing humans and their behavior/psychology. It makes it possible to see relations, predict actions, etc., either on an individual scale or a larger one.
In the same vein, good at analyzing (situations & people)
His father was said to be cruel and violent (in this house the Darth Plagueis novel is still canon, fight me). Autism + childhood trauma can turn quite intense, to put it mildly. In this case: no empathy + no attachment to other humans + learning to read people and situations very well to stay safe + tendency to rigid thinking/intense preoccupation + seeing everyone as an enemy + special interest that involves hurting others, combined with running into a Sith Lord during his formative years? Yeah, all the pieces are there.
Anyway, this headcanon is locked into my brain now and I simply can't unsee it anymore.
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itzmyzone · 11 months
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Unmasking Love Bombing Trap: A Double-Edged Sword in Romantic Relationships
Introduction:
          Love is a complex and powerful emotion that can inspire and uplift individuals. However, within the realm of romantic relationships especially in today’s world with so many dating platforms, there exists a manipulative tactic known by the term "love bombing." This phenomenon, while seemingly affectionate and appealing, can be detrimental and emotionally damaging. In this article, we will delve into the intricacies of love bombing, exploring its definition, characteristics, and the potential consequences it may have on those involved.
Understanding Love Bombing:
Love bombing can be defined as a psychological manipulation technique employed by certain individuals to gain control and power in a romantic relationship. The term itself originated from the tactics used by cults to attract and retain new members. At its core, love bombing involves showering the recipient with a great deal of affection, attention, flattery, and gifts in an attempt to create a deep emotional bond with the target. This overwhelming display of love and affection may initially seem genuine and desirable, but it is often a ploy to manipulate and exploit the recipient.
Characteristics of Love Bombing:
Love bombing typically unfolds in a series of stages, each with its distinct characteristics. Initially, the love bomber will go to great lengths to create an idealized image of themselves and the relationship. They may express an intense desire to spend every waking moment with their partner, bombarding them with compliments, declarations of love, and grand gestures. This incessant attention can be overwhelming and can cloud the recipient's judgment, making it difficult to see through the manipulation.
The Impact on Victims:
While love bombing may appear harmless on the surface, its effects on victims can be profound and lasting. In the early stages, the recipient may feel flattered and cherished, believing they have found their perfect match.
However, as the relationship progresses, the love bomber's true motives begin to surface. They may use the intense emotional connection established through love bombing as leverage to control their partner's thoughts, actions, and decisions. The recipient may feel trapped, as their boundaries and individuality are gradually eroded.
Psychological Consequences:
 Victims of love bombing often experience a rollercoaster of emotions.
Initial stage: 
Initially, they may feel elated, swept up in the whirlwind of love and attention. The love bomber's constant presence and the power they have gained can make it challenging for the recipient to identify and address the abusive dynamics within the relationship.
The victim is used to this continuous reception of love which has become a sort of addiction and might compromise too much for it. He or she might lose autonomy in decision-making and gradually be subjugated and succumb to the love bomber’s motives.
          They might sometimes be alienated from their social circle and become too much emotionally dependent on the love bomber.
Realisation stage:
However, as the manipulation becomes apparent, confusion, anxiety, and self-doubt may arise. It might make them feel like a rope in a tug of war being pulled by reality on one side and emotions, illusions, and desires on the other side. The clash between reality and the victim’s wish of living the delusionary future he or she had imaged might cause agony and depression to the recipient.  
Over time, victims may experience a decline in self-esteem, a loss of personal identity, and emotional trauma, leaving lasting scars on their emotional well-being.
Recognizing and Overcoming Love Bombing:
 Awareness is crucial in recognizing love bombing and its potential dangers.
Warning signals:
We all are aware of the saying, “Too much of anything is good for nothing”.
Understanding the warning signs, such as excessive flattery, rapid intimacy, isolation from friends and family, and a lack of personal boundaries, is vital. If you suspect you or someone you know is a victim of love bombing, discuss and look for support from trusted friends, family members, or psychological counselors.
Regaining emotional control:
Build a supportive social network with people who you feel as trustworthy in life. This will help you not only during issues like love bombing but during all situations where you feel are being emotionally abused or low in self-confidence. This can be through being active in social groups and communities and building lasting relationships.
Self-confidence, faith in life, not judging or comparing yourself with others, letting go of things, forgiving yourselves, and being optimistic can help to regain control over one's life and can aid in the recovery process.
Conclusion:
Love bombing may initially appear to be a fairy-tale romance, but beneath its façade lays a manipulative and potentially harmful tactic. Recognizing the signs and understanding the impact of love bombing is essential in protecting oneself from emotional manipulation.
 By fostering self-awareness, establishing healthy boundaries, and seeking support when needed, individuals can break free from the grip of love bombing and build authentic, nurturing relationships based on mutual respect and love.
Remember, genuine love, should uplift and empower, not control and diminish. By being more aware of love bombing now, one can establish healthier, more balanced relationships rather than bewitching deceptive ones.
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sirenofthetimes · 3 years
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Every Proposal on Gilmore Girls Was Absolutely Unhinged
This show was rich in couples, swimming in conflict, and desperately lacking in healthy communication. Which made for some batshit marriage proposals! Let's go:
Christopher to Lorelai in Season 1 ep. 15: Christopher Returns
In Christopher's first appearance on the show, he rocks up to Stars Hollow on his motorcycle at the end of the previous episode, out of the blue, and in this one archetypes are made clear: he establishes himself as the irresponsible deadbeat single dad to Lorelai's hardworking, mature yet still fun single mom. They have a weird dinner with everyone's parents where his parents, Straub and Francine, are shown to be even more uptight and awful than Richard and Emily can be. A lot of fighting and yelling and relitigating past choices ensues. Then Lorelai and Christopher go off to have emotional, nostalgic sex on her childhood balcony, and off the strength of that, he walks into her kitchen the next morning and blurts out that he wants to marry her so they can be a "real family". They barely see each other. They know hardly anything about each other's current lives. This is the first time he's visited the town they've been living in since Rory was a child and yet. A marriage proposal. Naturally, she turns him down, but we have not heard the last of Christopher Hayden.
Max to Lorelai in Season 1 ep. 21: Love, Daisies and Troubadours
This relationship was used mostly to discuss Lorelai's commitment issues, the difficulties of dating as a single mom, and have her fight allegations of her being promiscuous (which are not true, she can be very sexually conservative) by having her do something risky like try to date one of her daughter's teachers at the stuffy private school that also exists in her parents' world. So despite them having okay chemistry, they haven't really dated much and broke up after two months before getting back together shortly before the night of the proposal. Max comes by the house to pick Lorelai up and finds Luke there getting his toolbox and relaying the news that Rachel broke up with him (because she has a basic level of intuition and picked up on his feelings for Lorelai). Max and Luke have a very cringy dick measuring contest, Max (in possession of similar intuition) assumes Luke and Lorelai dated at some point but it's not season 5 yet so she's not legally allowed to admit she's into Luke. They argue, Max expresses frustration that their relationship can never seem to get off the ground, and what does he propose as a solution? Yoking their lives together in blessed matrimony. Lorelai is justifiably frustrated and tells him that's not how you propose, that a proposal is supposed to be special and grand. She lists "a thousand yellow daisies" as an example how to truly pop the question and the next day Max arranges for that famous logistical nightmare romantic gesture at the inn, then says some flowery bullshit on the phone and because it's the season finale and emotions are high, Lorelai accepts. Though later, right after her bachelorette party, she runs away and calls off the wedding. They meet a couple more times for closure, and then the relationship is truly dead.
Jackson to Sookie in Season 2 ep 13: A-Tisket A-Tasket
Sookie and Jackson's budding relationship has actually been pretty nice to watch up until this point. They have a fun balance between awkward but cute flirting and comical bickering about produce. But there's something in the area's water supply that makes people unable to clearly express their wants and needs in a romantic relationship so when Sookie doesn't respond how Jackson wanted her to to him saying his lease was up and asking her what she thought, he sulks. The sulking manifests itself in him not bidding on Sookie's basket at the bid a basket auction so she confronts him to see what's up and they actually manage to have a decent conversation about what moving in together would mean. And that could've been a nice ending for that storyline. But shacking up together? Out of wedlock? Impossible. So at their picnic for two, Jackson fakes Sookie out and says he doesn't want to talk about moving in together any more... because he thinks they should get married. Sookie, reeling from that whiplash, accepts, and since the rules of TV beta couples states they must move faster than the main will-they-won't-they couple at all times, they get married, stay married, and continue struggling to effectively talk through big life decisions,with some admittedly nice moments in between.
Lorelai to Luke in Season 5 ep 22: A House is Not a Home and Season 6 ep 1: New and Improved Lorelai
Lorelai and Luke are in kind of a weird place at the moment, with Luke upset with Lorelai for considering selling the Dragonfly to a corporation owned by one of her father's contacts, which would have her traveling and consulting instead. While she's not too serious about it, she's enjoying being courted by the company, but this is in complete disregard for the giant house Luke bought without telling her or the kids he's thinking about having that he also hasn't discussed with her so it's causing problems. This is forgotten however with the news that Rory wants to take time off from Yale after receiving some rare negative feedback, and that Richard and Emily are letting her stay with them after just telling Lorelai they would help her force Rory back into Yale. So when Lorelai walks into the diner lamenting the fact that Rory is making a decision independent from the vision Lorelai had for her life, and Luke comes forth with a nonsensical plan to, again, force Rory back to Yale, Lorelai is touched that she finally has someone on her side. And since she's a veteran of the season finale marriage proposal, she celebrates having her partner agree with her by asking him to marry her. He accepts in the next season's premiere with no hesitation, but eventually their tendency to hide things from each other to not ruin their relationship.... ruins their relationship. Shocking.
Zack to Lane in Season 6 ep 16: Bridesmaids Revisited
Zack is on a bit of a redemption tour after ruining Hep Alien's showcase in front of a major label by throwing a tantrum about Brian potentially writing a song for Lane. This random burst of jealousy sends him on a power trip that has him throwing out their set list and screaming at his band mates until a fight breaks out and the band and him and Lane split up. But when he sees Lane in the music shop some time later putting up a flier advertising her drumming services to other bands, the thought of her daring to potentially continue living her life without him spurs Zach into action. He convinces Brian and Gil to get the band back together and they're in if Lane's in. And his way of getting Lane back is to walk into Luke's while she's working, go off on some tangent about how he doesn't feel good, and propose in front of a huge crowd of gossipy small town people. Lane must have smacked her head on some antique furniture that day because although she at least stops to ask if he's thought about this, when he presents her with the pawn shop ring he got that "belonged to like an Elk or a Moose or something", she accepts and walks right into marriage and babies land and right out of development that would make sense for her character or be interesting.
Christopher to Lorelai in Season 7 ep. 7: French Twist
Ever since Lorelai walked out of her fraught engagement with Luke and into Christopher's bed, he has taken the reality of a woman coping with feelings of rejection by hooking up with the man she keeps stashed in the background for occasions such as these, and spun it into an elaborate romantic tale of two star crossed loves who waited their whole lives to be together. And when Sherry who, guided by the hands of karma, previously abandoned Gigi leaving Christopher to raise her on his own, writes a letter saying she's totally fine now trust her and wants Gigi to spend a few months with her in Paris, Christopher invites Lorelai along for a big romantic gesture trip. They spend most of it jetlagged, but Christopher remembers he's super rich now (as opposed to just being regular rich like before) and he bribes a restaurant to open early for the two of them. Lorelai, basking in the romance™ of it all, confesses her love, and Christopher pounces on that and starts in on a whole speech. Basically, even though he said he'd be willing to wait for Lorelai to fall in line with his vision, he doesn't feel like waiting any more. Lorelai, sensing where this is going, suggests they wait, as they've only been really dating for a couple of months. She also brings up Rory, figuring she'd want to be up to date and present any big changes. But Christopher waves those perfectly valid concerns away, stresses how long they've known each other, insists that they're meant to be, and fate has brought them together. And then comes out with it and asks her to marry him. Which are very intense words for Lorelai, an emotionally vulnerable woman who just broke off an engagement because her fiancé seemed overly hesitant to actually get married, to hear. We don't see her accept, but there's a scene of them returning home where he calls her "Mrs. Hayden" (as if she would ever change her name), and their marriage immediately began to fall apart like wet tissue paper.
Logan to Rory in Season 7 ep. 21: Unto the Breach
It's the end of Rory's time at Yale, and on the heels of her New York Times fellowship rejection, rejections from other newspapers across the country, and the fact that she rejected her one job offer for better things that did not come, Rory's future is wide open and unstable. On the other hand, Logan is completing his character transformation from irresponsible party animal trust fund kid to hardworking and responsible trust fund kid, accepting a job offer for an internet company in San Francisco. The question emerges: How will the young couple handle this next phase of their lives? And when Logan shows up at Lorelai's house in the previous episode, he comes with a solution. He wants to marry Rory and take her to California, and he wants Lorelai's blessing to propose. She gives it, though not without trepidation, and Logan does propose. In the middle of the graduation party Richard and Emily are throwing for Rory, he gets up in front of everyone and takes out the ring. Rory is caught completely off guard and takes him outside to talk about it, where he reveals that he got the job, picked out a house for them to rent, researched newspapers where she could apply to work, and even planned activities for them to do in their spare time. The original plan being that she would say yes to his proposal without knowing all this and walk blindly into her new, pre-arranged West Coast life. But Rory needs time to process the idea of marrying Logan immediately after college, and on the day of her graduation, she declines. Logan decides if he can't marry her, there's no point in being with her at all, and the two go their separate ways, to eventually meet again in a years long affair, for some reason. Though I barely acknowledge the revival.
Honestly, the only proposal that truly makes sense is Lorelai's to Luke in the revival but I won't discuss it here because a) again, the revival basically doesn't exist to me and b) they should've married during the original run of the show.
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mcbride · 4 years
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Daryl Dixon + romantic gestures
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Daryl’s always taking care of people, but there’s no one he takes better care of than Carol. He’s always doing little things for her, some of them completely platonic with no ulterior motive than to help, support and comfort his BFF Carol. although on some not so rare occasions, there’s no mistaking that some of his actions can be interpreted for what they really are - romantic gestures. 
Daryl Dixon is actually a pretty sensible/sensitive guy, which coming from someone with an abusive past and complete lack of experience when it comes to relationships and expressing his feelings, is shockingly surprising. Plus, it’s the damn apocalypse, there’s no time to court a woman, but consciously or not, that’s exactly what Daryl’s been doing for the past decade. I really think sometimes he’s completely clueless he is actually doing it until he becomes too self-aware, showing some vulnerability, shyness and even awkwardness. However those romantic gestures just come naturally to him when he’s around Carol.
The most painfully obvious romantic gestures by Daryl Dixon after the jump...
The shoulder massage
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Carol is uncomfortable, her shoulder hurts, and without thought Daryl simply offers to massage it for her. He’s so distracted by the ease the two now have with each other that he only notices the intimacy boundary he just crossed when Carol intensely looks back at him and smiles. “Pretty romantic,” she comments. Yes. Yes, it is. Daryl did that. He becomes aware of exactly what he is doing and what it could mean, but since he’s not ready for any of that, he backtracks. Carol’s teasing jokes aren’t unwelcome but he really doesn’t know how to respond beyond the cute, smiling “STAHP.”
The sanctuary hug
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As soon as he realizes it’s Carol approaching the group, Daryl completely forgets himself, everybody else around them and runs to literally sweep her off her feet. This is the first time Daryl actively seeks physical contact on a deeper level with another human being on the show. It’s a huge turning point. Do I need to say more?
The protective/chivalrous act
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Daryl always acts as a protector of those who need the most, but he subtly and unconsciously acts extremely protective of Carol even knowing she is damn capable of protecting herself. Daryl will have Carol’s back on every occasion and physically stand between her and potential danger, like when they first encountered Father Gabriel or when Noah put her in danger. He will offer her food/water, make sure she is sleeping and she is ok. He may act like a crude rude redneck around anyone else (pissing in the corner, manhandling people, beastly chugging spaghetti), but not around Carol. There’s so many examples of Daryl continuously doing the apocalypse equivalent of opening the door for her. Daryl’s chivalry is reserved for Carol. She may know him better than anyone else, but he really wants her to see the best version of himself.
The water jugs (part II of the chivalrous act)
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Yep, Daryl’s got no game whatsoever, but he did try to be smooth, showing Carol that the redneck can be a real gentleman, and that’s progress. Even though, Daryl is already carrying as many water jugs as one can safely carry, he offers to take one of Carol’s too. There’s no logic to this gesture that ends with Daryl facepalming in embarrassment when he lets one of his jugs fall out of his hand to land at Carol’s feet. Carol’s face is priceless. He gets a teasing smile and probably should take that as a win considering her state of mind in that moment.
The food tray with flower (part III of the chivalrous act)
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Something as simple as leaving someone a tray of food with a flower would have been a perfectly casual act. But we’re talking about Merle Dixon’s brother, the one who considered himself a nobody before the world went to shit. Daryl, the guy who eats raw squirrel/possum with his bare hands, took the time to pick a flower to decorate the tray of food he carefully left at Carol’s door. Is there anything more romantic in the middle of the damn apocalypse ffs? I still can’t believe we were robbed of watching Carol’s expression when she realized he had done that for her right before she’d tease him about it. But Carol wasn’t exactly in the right frame of mind to voice her appreciation for these small grand gestures.
The compliments/teasing
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When Carol needs an ego boost, Daryl is there to remind her she’s a good shot, she saved them all at Terminus, and she’s got a whole lot more to offer, but her place is with them/the group. She is needed. He has been slowly learning to tease/flirt with Carol through the years. Daryl, too pragmatic for the frivolous things of the past, lets Carol know she looks good in pink. He’s also quick to let her know her soccer mom style is so not her. “You look ridiculous.” Recently, they have crossed into teen love territory with their competitive flirty games of kill the walker or hit the can, while relentlessly taunting each other. This new playfulness between them resulted in an exchange of gifts- the friendship bracelet and lucky acorns, - they obviously both cherish.
The unconditional support
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There’s absolutely nothing Daryl won’t do for Carol - from babysitting her kid to letting her know he could and would never hate her no matter what. Daryl will defend Carol against Rick, Tyreese, Gabriel, Magna, and whoever else. If that wasn’t enough, he was also there for her, holding her during the two worst moments of her life - losing both of her kids, Sophia and Henry. And he continues to stay by her side through anything and everything, even when she’s on a reckless revenge mission. “I’m the one you tell. Me.” Daryl wants to help her, but Carol is not able to open up to him and yet it does not stop him. “I wanna be there for you.” After Carol crossed every line and pushed all of his limits and you think he’s had enough, Daryl is still reassuring her everything is gonna be alright. “You still got me.” This is LOVE, not platonic love, it’s the ‘you are under my skin’ type of love that is forever.
The need to comfort
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The skittish Daryl, who was afraid of any and all human contact when we first met him, is now completely gone. He��s grown so much and he’s finally in a position to provide emotional comfort and to express it through physical contact. He has done this with Judith and Connie too, but Daryl’s weakness (and strength) is Carol and her emotional well being is his priority. The best way he found to express this is to hug her whenever he feels like she needs it the most - from finding her at the savior’s compound, checking up on her at the creepy house in the woods, trying to bring her back to think about the future they can still have, to reassuring her he’ll always be there for her. Daryl is no longer shy about pulling her in for a big full body hug, and sometimes I wonder if he’s not doing it for his own sake too. I mean who can ever resist a teary eyed Carol!?!
The desire to spend time together
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For someone who isn’t used to express his wishes/feelings, Daryl has been making an effort to let Carol know how much he enjoys spending time with her and her alone. He started with a timid “I don’t like not seeing you” to openly ask her to come home and tell he needs her to stay and not isolate herself again. “Otherwise I’ll have to punch holes in all them boats.” This quickly escalated when Carol suggested they could stop fighting and leave it all behind. The idea the two of them could just get on the bike and go, run away together, has been deeply seeded on Daryl’s mind and he alludes to it few times through the last season. “We have a future./New Mexico’s still out there.” Daryl is finally ready. Carol just needs to catch up.
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moonlightsanctuary · 3 years
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Kuvira x Reader The Christmas Conundrum Part I
SOOOO it has been a while. So sorry this is late, had a lot of crazy stuff happen to me and this should have been out since Christmas but unfortunately i ended up sick with COVID, and a bunch of other health issues. So i am just now posting this. It ended up being so long that i had to split it up into two parts. With that being said special shout out to @ellsss and @goldfyshie927 for their honest feed back and encouragement. They is cool peeps you should go check out their blogs. This fic was suppose to be for a commission for special someone but we fell out of contact. @kuvirasrubberducky hopefully this finds you well and i hope you are taking care of yourself. 
Disclaimer: As always there will be smut so you have warned! -.-
Summary: After returning to Zaofu under the care and guardianship of Suyin Beifong, You and Kuvira have to readjust to your old life before the earth empire. Although Kuvira has proven her worth and dedication to try to amend the damage and pain she has caused she still feels alienated from the Beifongs. The reader tries to help Kuvira face the deeper issue at hand and help reconcile somethings she has long kept hidden from the world including Suyin and you. Will your plan of attending Suyin’s Christmas celebration go smoothly or will the curse of the Beifong family drama hit its peak and become a melting pot from a very salty Beifong who refuses to forgive and move on? Find out for yourselves! Set after Ruins of the Empire. 
Kuvira X Reader - The Christmas Conundrum Part I
It was the most wonderful time of the year. You watched the citizens of Zaofu go about their day preparing for Christmas. Decorations lined every street corner and shops, garland decorated every lamp post, and colorful lights glimmered in every snow-covered pine tree. You clung to your coat tightly, feeling a cold breeze blow past you as snow drifted down from the sky coating the land in a serene winter ambiance.  Yes, it was the most wonderful time of the year, but not for everyone…especially not for Kuvira.
Since the reunification process and the downfall of the earth empire, things have not been easy for the former great uniter. From the time the two of you were put on house arrest under the care of Suyin Beifong, the transition from total freedom to full restriction has been a very troubling and taxing situation for the both of you. The relationship between Kuvira and Suyin was very rocky but both seem to have come to some sort of common ground. Though Suyin and Kuvira had gotten better and the two seemed to have learned to be cordial around each other didn’t mean that the two were fully amended. The relationship was far from what one would call normal. Suyin and Kuvria would still interact in a way that was very awkward or tense. Almost as if they were both walking on a very cold and thin layer of ice. Regardless, you remained by her side since the very beginning and nothing has changed since the day you joined her cause. You loved her, and no matter what the two of you have been through over the years, nothing has changed.
It was the first time in three years Kuvira had been back with the Beifongs for Christmas. Suyin, a person who was always known for her grand gestures decided to host a celebration for the upcoming holidays. Suyin had taken it upon herself to send out invitations to almost anyone who was a close friend of the matriarch including her half-sister Lin Beifong. You expected Avatar Korra and her girlfriend, the Future Industry CEO Asami Sato to make an appearance as well. This celebration would certainly be very interesting, you thought to yourself growing increasingly worried about what tonight’s events would have in store for you.
You were both welcomed back to the Beifong household and given personal invites from Suyin herself for tonight’s event. You were grateful for the invite knowing full well that Suyin was doing her best to offer an olive branch but you couldn’t help but wonder what her intentions were. As the hours grew close you felt the dread building up inside you that grew stronger as time passed. You knew you were both in for an awkward situation and wouldn’t be surprised if tonight’s events would be emotionally draining on both you and Kuvira. You began to mentally steel yourself for tonight’s events, hoping and praying that everything went smoothly.
When you returned to the Beifong estate you immediately noticed the change in the atmosphere from its usual peaceful operations to the frantic movements and panic as both guards and servants shuffled past you in a hurry. You assumed the Beifong household servants and guards were bustling about getting ready for the party. You walked past the entrance hall, heading towards the parlor.  You paused as an orderly carrying a large box nearly knocked into you. Quickly, you stepped aside to allow them room to slip past you. After the orderly mumbled an apology before rushing away you proceeded to enter the parlor. At the center of the chaos stood the matriarch of the clan herself Suyin Beifong.
Suyin stood at the foot of a tall pine tree with her back to you as she mulled over the tree’s decorations. You approached the matriarch carefully, watching as Suyin used her metal bending to put up last-minute decorations on the tree.
You stood quietly behind Suyin watching her use her bending to take out a large metal star from a colorful box. Suyin held it in the air and turned her attention back to the tree, looking it over carefully. You eyed the star, astonished by its beauty. The design was simple yet elegant. With unique carvings that covered the entire surface of the star and jewels that lined the outer edge. At the very center of it was a star-shaped ruby. It seemed to glisten from the Christmas lights that were wrapped around the branches of the tree. Suyin hoisted it up higher in the air, playing with the weight of it as she maneuvered it up to the top. Very gently and with much concentration she settled it at the very top of the tree, carefully setting it down and making sure the branches would hold its weight. Once she was convinced that the decorative piece was secure Suyin released it from her hold, letting her arm fall to her waist.  It was quite a sight to see, just admiring the beauty of the tree put you more in the Christmas spirit that was almost nonexistent up until now.
You took a step forward to get a better look at the decorations. The gold garland that wrapped around the tree made the Scarlet and gold ornaments appear vibrant. Silver metal candy canes and pine cones also hung from its branches. The metal was smooth and reflective causing the ornaments to sparkle from the nearby Christmas lights. It was breathtaking, there were no other words to describe it.
“It’s so beautiful…” You said out loud, not hearing yourself speak. You watched as the matriarch flinched from your words, turning quickly on her heels to meet your gaze that was still fixated on the tree. It seemed the older woman was not aware of your presence despite her seismic abilities.
“Oh, Y/N!” Suyin said, pressing a hand to her chest to ease her already fried nerves. “I didn’t hear you come in.”
You turned to address the matriarch, noticing how she looked a little worn and weary. You assumed the stress was caused by the intense preparation of tonight's events and believed it was beginning to eat away at her. That was Suyin. If it wasn’t up to her standards then it just wasn’t worth it. You had to give the older woman props, the amount of time, effort, and dedication she put towards her projects were quite impressive. Accepting only the very best and nothing less than that. It’s no wonder Kuvira was so dedicated and hardworking. Suyin must have pushed her hard as her protégé. It made you wonder what life was really like for Kuvira growing up. Up to this point, you only heard the few scant stories that Kuvira had shared with you.
“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to startle you.” You quickly cut in after realizing you were staring. “I was just watching you put up the decorations and I have to say the tree looks marvelous!”
At this Suyin breathed a deep sigh. Detecting an undertone of worry, you couldn’t help but raise an eyebrow at the older woman. “Is everything ok?”
“With me yes, everything is fine but I can’t help but worry about…” Suyin trailed off, causing you to stare at her with brows knitted in concern.
“Worry about...what?” You pressed, genuinely curious.
“Well... worried about getting everything prepared for tonight before my guests arrive. there are still some things I need to address such as the menu and the entertainment. Lin should have been here already, but her travels were delayed from the approaching snowstorm. So she said she will be here in a few hours.” Suyin sighed at the unfortunate news. She hoped that the storm wasn't too serious but knew Lin could take care of herself. In an attempt to take her mind off her stress she diverted the topic. “I hope you and Kuvira will be there.”
You turned to meet the Matriarch eye’s, the exhaustion evident on her features, but you could see the concern she withheld. “I plan on being there, however, I can't say the same for Kuvira…”
Suyin frowned, turning her attention to the tree, her shoulders sagged at your statement, as if your statement confirmed her fears. “I really want Kuvira to be there, it would mean the world to me. But…” Su grew quiet, her sight fixated on the tree.
Despite her appearance, you could see that Suyin’s mind was somewhere else. “Su…?” You said, trying to revert her attention back to the conversation.
Suyin cast her eyes to the ground. You noticed her hesitation to speak. For someone like Suyin, the behavior was rather odd. She was always quick to speak her mind, not caring what people thought about her. It was an admirable trait but also a flaw of hers.
“I am trying Y/N…” Suyin finally spoke after a few moments of silence.
Instinctively you took a step closer to her, careful to keep enough distance so you didn't feel like you were trying to invade her space. It was more out of care and concern than invasive.
“What do you mean?” you asked gently.
Suyin turned to meet your gaze, you could see the confliction flittered across her face as she spoke. “I know Kuvira has never been one for family gatherings. I mean how could she? Just look at what her parents had instilled in her at such a young age… and I’m afraid… I’ve only added to it.” Suyin turned away from you, it seemed that she was too ashamed to even look you in the eyes. “It’s no wonder she doesn't completely hate me… I wouldn’t be surprised if she did...”
You noticed Suyin’s expression hardened, the idea that Kuvira had possible feelings of underlying hatred towards her was eating away at her. Though Suyin was well versed at keeping her emotions in check, the suppressed hurt you saw behind those emerald green eyes betrayed what the older woman was truly feeling and trying to keep hidden.
“Oh, Su… She doesn’t hate you.  How could she? You were the only mother she has ever known.” You said in hopes to help quell her fears. “I know things haven't been easy for the two of you since we were placed under your care to serve our sentences, but hate is not something I think she feels towards you. I just think... these things take time.”
“How could she not!?!” Suyin rounded on you. The action was so abrupt it caused you to take a step back, afraid that your words of comfort had accidentally upset her.  “I had just as much as a part to play in her actions and for what? If I just listened to her and not brush her off… involved her more with the family - treated her more like a daughter?” Su spoke quickly, trying her best to rationalize Kuvira’s behavior and her direct involvement.
“Honestly I think she is angrier at herself at this point.” You spoke up, feeling that it was necessary. “She blames herself for what happened.” It has nothing to do with you.”
“Then why do I get the feeling that it does?” Suyin asked you, trying to make sense of everything.  Her eyes burned with raw emotion. “It's been months since the two of you were brought under my care and yet she is still distant with everyone, including me. She doesn't talk to me the same way she used to. She hardly eats with us, and when she does she doesn’t even bother talking to anyone. I can barely get her to hold a conversation with me that is not related to the weather or how she is doing... I had hoped that by inviting her it would show that I’m trying to reach out to her- that I’m trying to bring her into my family. I just… I don’t know what else to do.” Suyin seemed legitimately distressed as she spoke.
You stepped forward, placing your hand on Suyin’s shoulder, squeezing gently. “It’s not you Su.” You said softly, trying to reassure her that she was not the problem. “Kuvira is at the point where the guilt is just weighing heavy on her.” You paused, taking a moment to ponder how much information you wanted to share without getting too deep into details. You knew Kuvira was rather autonomous and preferred to deal with her own issues herself. You wanted to respect that.
“Kuvira is just caught up in her own emotions. I can barely get her to talk to me so believe me it's not one-sided. She’s…” You trailed off debating whether to tell Suyin or not, hoping the information you were about to share wasn’t too much... You knew if Kuvira was here she would object. At the same time as Kuvira’s guardian, you felt that Suyin needed to know. “Su, She’s… she’s been crying in her sleep… she’s been having nightmares.”
“Kuvira’s having nightmares again?” Suyin interrupted, her eyes widening. You could tell that she wanted to press you for information. You were worried you may have swung open the door for her to do just that. Instead, Suyin pursed her lips and knitted her eyebrows, her eyes searching your face for answers.
“Yes, she has.” You reaffirmed, hoping that she didn’t begin to drill you with questions you knew you couldn’t answer. “I really shouldn’t be sharing this with you but as our guardian, I feel that this was something you should be aware of.”
“No, of course. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to pry. I appreciate you telling me, I just… I’m worried about her.” Said Suyin, doing her best to keep her voice leveled from her growing concern. “She’s had night terrors growing up, mostly about her parents. I didn’t think she still had them.”
“Well she gets them every so often but they have been rather frequent as of late. I have noticed that Kuvira tends to get like this around the holidays.”
“Well, Kuvira has never been fond of the holidays. From what I've noticed over the years they seem to get her depressed. Probably stemming from her abandonment.” Suyin took a deep breath to help her relax before addressing you again, “You don't have to worry Y/N. I won’t tell her anything. You have my word.” Suyin said firmly.
At Suyin’s reassurance, you breathe a sigh of relief, grateful that Su was not being intrusive. “I appreciate that, thank you.”
“I appreciate you being honest with me. You and I both know how Kuvira can be about these things. Though I have noticed that she has been looking rather… exhausted lately. I had asked if everything was ok, but she brushed it off as if it wasn’t anything important. I should have known better… Kuvira has a habit of undermining her problems.”
You couldn’t help but chuckle in agreement, knowing Suyin spoke with such accuracy. “Ain’t that the truth. It would take a rope and a sledgehammer to get anything out of that thick skull of hers. I swear she is so stubborn sometimes.” You shook your head, “I wish she wasn’t though. It’s not helping her and I think deep down she knows that.”
“Please!” Suyin scoffed, fixating you with an annoyed look. “I’ve been trying to break through those platinum metal walls that she surrounds herself with for years. You might as well grab a plasma saw and start drilling with me.” A small smile appeared on Suyin’s lips.
You laughed at Suyin’s statement. You knew it was in jest but had to admit the matriarch’s words held much truth. The sounds of footsteps scurrying in caught both of your attention, you turned around to see a guard rushing in. He stopped abruptly and stood at attention waiting for Suyin to address him.
“Is there something wrong?” Suyin asked the guard with a raised eyebrow.
“Madam Beifong, an airship belonging to the Republic City’s chief of police, has been spotted by the watchtower. Do we have permission to allow them to land?” The guard asked rather stiffly.
Suyin’s eyes lit up. “Lin’s here? I thought she would be longer. Yes, I grant permission. I will be there momentarily to meet with her.”
With that being said the guard saluted before turning on his heel and running back out from the direction he came in from.
“I’m sorry Y/N I have to cut this short. I need to speak with Lin. We have much to catch up on and no doubt she will want a full report on the progress the two of you have been making.”
“Oh, I understand. It’s not a problem. Besides, I need to get back to my quarters to grab a few things. I’ll see how Kuvira is faring.” You reassured Suyin.
“Thank you, Y/N. If you can talk her into coming to the party tonight it would mean the world to me. I want to see the both of you there.” Suyin said lifting her hand and placing it over yours where it rested on her shoulder, giving it a gentle reassuring squeeze.
“I will figure out what to will do with Kuvira. I might try to have a private chat with her over tea or something later when this is all over. I’ll have some chamomile tea brewed for her and sent to her quarters, later on, to help settle her nerves. Hopefully, it will help with the sleep problems for the time being until we find the underlying cause.”
“That sounds like a plan.” You smiled in agreement. You turned to walk away to leave Suyin to meet with the chief of police when a hand shot out to seize yours. You stopped, turning around to see Suyin smiling. “Really, Y/N... Thank you. I appreciate it.”
You nodded your head, feeling Suyin squeeze your arm gently in appreciation before she released you, arm falling back to your side. With that you took your leave, walking back to the living quarters that you shared with Kuvira. You wondered what she was up to. Knowing her probably some rigorous dance routine or bending forms.
When you entered your quarters you found Kuvira standing by the window watching the snow drifting slowly to the ground. When you closed the door you noticed her stiffening but as soon as she heard you announce that you were back you could see her visibly relax. You approached her from behind wondering what she was so focused on. She made no attempt to turn around to address you instead her gaze remained locked on the view outside the window. You breathed in a deep sigh, you hated when she got like this. Kuvira had a habit of retreating into her walls. Even worse into her head, blocking out everything and everyone, including you. Though she was physically here with you, you could tell that her mind was millions of miles away. You often wondered what went through that brain of hers. Her thoughts must have been just as complex as her emotions. It’s no wonder she frowned so much. She must be putting in a lot of mental effort to stonewall her emotions.
She was still in her nightclothes, her hair out of its usual style was tousled and unkept from sleep. It draped over her shoulders and stuck out in some areas. A clear indication that she hadn't bothered fixing it when she woke up. From the looks of things, it appeared as if she just got up moments ago. It made you wonder how long Kuvira had decided to sleep in. It wasn't like her to do so. She preferred to be on top of her rigorous daily routines but with her current behavior and her known issues with night terrors, it wasn't entirely out of the ordinary. I made the concern you managed to keep under wraps grow, mentally processing ways to try to help, but Kuvira was a stubborn one. Opting to deal with her own affairs and problems herself and pushing anyone else who tried to get close away with very few exceptions. You being one of those said exceptions.
“Hey…” You whispered, lifting a hand to place on Kuvira’s shoulder in hopes to snap her out of her trance. “Did you just get up?
You felt Kuvira stiffen under your touch but immediately began to relax. She turned to meet your eyes, noticing your face etched with worry. She sighed deeply, “About a half-hour ago.” Kuvira answered quietly, her voice still raspy from sleep.
You took a moment to study her features, her appearance looked dejected. You saw for yourself how worn and exhausted she looked, taking a mental note on how her eyes were developing dark circles. You swore the bags under her eyes were big enough to hold her dance equipment. It wasn't a good thing, to say the least. This was beginning to become a problem, a problem you would eventually need to figure out how to rectify despite Kuvira’s stubborn nature.
“Did you have another nightmare?” You asked gently.
Kuvira didn't answer you, all but gave you a silent nod in confirmation. Your hand rubbed her shoulder, trailing down the length of Kuvira’s arm, taking hold of her hand and lifting it to your lips to place a gentle kiss on her knuckles. “Do you want to talk about it?” you asked in hopes she would be willing to open up.
“No, I don't. There's no point to... It’s not going to fix anything.”
“Kuvira…” You began, trying to get her not to start minimizing her issues. It was a notorious habit, one that obviously wasn’t helping if her appearance had anything to say about her mental state. “I know that is how you might feel about it, but if there is something troubling you then you need to not keep it bottled up. It’s just going to fester until it starts to manifest itself into other problems.”
Kuvira averted her gaze from you, almost as if she was trying to retreat back into her walls but not entirely. She took a deep breath and exhaled, “I know.”
“If you don’t want to talk to me will you at least talk to someone? Have you tried reaching out to Suyin?”
You felt Kuvira tense at the very mention of the matriarch’s name. She pulled her hand free from your grasp and turned to walk to the kitchen, leaving you without an answer. You stood there baffled, not sure of what to do.
No, I’m not gonna let her brush this off easily. You groaned and began to follow after her. You turned the corner and stepped into the kitchen just as Kuvira closed the cupboard, a mug in hand. She went over to the pot of freshly brewed coffee she had just made moments before your arrival and poured herself a cup. You stood beside her, leaning against the wall waiting for her reply. “Well?”
You watched as she reached for the sugar dispenser and cream,  pouring in a generous amount. She grabbed a spoon and began stirring the contents in the mug. She was clearly trying to avoid your questioning gaze.
“No of course not.” Kuvira finally answered before lifting the mug to her lips and taking a sip. She exhaled into the mug, feeling its warmth spread throughout her body, relaxing her.
“Why not?” You asked, reaching into the cupboard for a mug to pour yourself a cup.
“Why would I?” Kuvira answered dryly. “What happens to me is my problem. Besides, it's not like Suyin cares.”
“Kuvira… You know that’s not true. You know that Suyin cares. Why else would she have welcomed you back home?”
Kuvira shrugged, taking a long drink from her coffee. “Beats me… Probably because Korra and Lin guilt-tripped her into taking me back.”
“Kuvira, She cares about you. How do you not see that? The times she’s asked how you are doing, the random things she has asked for your assistance on, inviting you to dinner? You can't sit there and tell me you haven’t noticed?.”
“What of it? Kuvira said sharply, growing more agitated by the second. “That doesn't mean anything…”
“Well if it didn't mean anything to her then why does she keep doing it? For Spirits sakes Kuvria, Suyin has been trying to reach out to you by offering an olive branch and you are choosing not to reach for it.”
“I don't know why? She didn't care before, why start now? Kuvira asked bitterly.
“You know she does. I think deep down you do too! Su just has a strange way of showing it, and though it may have not always been the right way she is still trying.” You pressed further, not allowing Kuvira to dismiss it as a frivolous matter. “She asked me about you today.”
Kuvira’s eyes lit up as she pulled her mug away from her lips, swallowing the coffee that she held in her mouth hard. “She did?” She asked, surprised by your statement.
You took a drink from your own mug enjoying the taste and the much-needed warmth it brought to you before answering her. “Yes, she did. She hopes to see us both at the gathering tonight. Lin just arrived before I got back.” You paused, hesitant to bring it up Suyin, worried about what her reaction would be. “Suyin asked how you were doing… She’s worried about you.”
Kuvira took a sudden interest in her coffee mug. Scratching at the matte polished surface and swirling the contents with the spoon. She was contemplating this you were sure. If her stoic expression was any proof of that then you were certain. At the very minimum, she was receptive to your suggestions.
“I really don't want to go,” Kuvira whispered. she leaned her head back to down the rest of her coffee. She straightened back up, placing the mug on the counter with a hard thump. “She really wants to see you there. I’ll be attending too so you are not alone in this….” you reassured her.
“It’s not just this party Y/N! It’s more than that. I don’t want to want to pretend everything is normal when it’s clearly not. I know the Beifong’s have said they have forgiven me but I really can’t help but question the validity of that especially the way they act around me. I swear it’s almost like they expect me to do something bad…” Kuvira said, growing more irritated. She could feel herself being overcome with old resentment feeling an unspoken underlying hurt that even she herself wasn't aware was there, but she didn't want to acknowledge it. Doing so would further cause unnecessary tension that she knew would worsen her mood.
The sudden abrupt change in Kuvira’s behavior made you raise a brow. You could tell that the concern she felt was a valid one but you could see there was something more to her words. Something she wasn't speaking out loud almost as if she was avoiding something. You didn't press for an answer that you knew she wasn't ready to discuss, but you didn't want to dismiss her concern as something frivolous. You knew that in a way she was right. Since the two of you had been put under Suyin’s care you noticed how people watched you carefully, almost fearfully. Like a barrel of blasting jelly with a very short fuse. It was to be suspected of course the two of you were war criminals by all counts. Who’s to say either one of you would not revert to your old dogmatic tendencies. You couldn't change the opinions of others, after all, you were a big believer that actions spoke louder than words. You expected to be treated as such once it became known that Suyin would be your guardian and would be aiding in your rehabilitation. Now you had to put much work into proving to the citizens of Zaofu that you were not a threat and that alone took time. You took a long drink from your mug, feeling your expression soften as you contemplated the situation.
“I know…” You whispered softly. “And I know it’s even more difficult for you since you grew up and knew a lot of these people personally, especially the Beifong’s. You have to understand that these things take time.”
“I know… I just thought that my efforts in stopping Guan in Gaoling would have been more than enough to prove that I’m not the same person. That I'm not the Great Uniter any more. I regret how in my conquest for power I lost sight and hurt the ones I cared about… I’m trying to change Y/N… Why can't they see that?” Kuvira said anger flitting over her face as she spoke. What caught your attention were her eyes, you could see the pain she felt in that moment threatening to surface but she wouldn't allow it.
You put the mug you held in your hand down and reached out to her, pulling her close to you.  “I'm not the only one who sees it. Suyin sees it too. As much as you don't believe that to be true, it is. Please... give her a chance. I know it's frustrating but you are not alone in this… You have me…” You gave her a small smile, lifting your hand to cup her face.  
Kuvira exhaled sharply, feeling herself relax under your touch despite her frustration. She knew you were right, but it didn't make dealing with the reality of the situation any easier to bear. She leaned into your touch and allowed herself a moment of clarity, knowing full well you were subjected to the same treatment as her. It wasn't easier for either one of you and understood that you both needed each other. She needed to be rational about this and not let her personal feelings get in the way of reason.
“I know…” Kuvira said quietly, thankful for your support despite her stubbornness. “Thank you Y/N. Really, I don't know how you put up with me sometimes…”
You chuckled softly, leaning in to press a kiss to her forehead. “The same way you put up with the Beifong’s.” You pulled away from her and pushed her tousled hair from her face.
Kuvira sighed deeply, finally making up her mind. “Alright, I’ll go. But just so we are clear this was your idea.” She jabbed a finger at you accusingly.  
You took hold of her finger and shook it. “Glad we could come to an agreement.” You said, resisting the urge to laugh.
Kuvira pulled herself free from your grasp. Her eyes narrowed, a frown forming on her lips. “Don’t patronize me…”
You scoffed. “Me? Patronize the all-mighty Kuvira? I would never…” You smiled.
Kuvira couldn't help the pout that formed on her lips. You found it so cute when she did, loving her softer side that she kept well hidden from the world but only allowed you to see. It melted your heart into mush.
You lifted and rested both hands on either side of her shoulder. “Why don't you go ahead and take a shower. Start getting ready. We only have a few more hours until we are expected to be there and I have some last-minute gifts to stash under the tree so I need to do that before things get crazier.”
Kuvira nodded in agreement. “Ok.” She whispered softly, pulling away from you. Your hands coming to rest at your side.  
She pointed in the direction of the bathroom, gradually walking in that direction. “I’m gonna go shower. I'll see you when you get back.” She said then walked out of the kitchen.
You grabbed your mug from the counter finishing the last of your coffee. Taking Kuvira’s empty mug in hand, you placed them in the sink. When you heard the sound of the bathroom door clicking close and the water turning on gave an indication you were in the clear. Carefully you walked into the bedroom and into the large walk-in closet. You pushed aside boxes and moved around clothed until you found a specific box that was buried under the lot. You pushed that box up to the side and began putting everything you moved back into place. Once finished, you lifted up the medium size box with both hands and walked back out into the bedroom. Taking a seat on the bed you peered into it, noting the number of objects that you had bought for each Beifong including Lin and Kuvira.
You shuffled through the pre-packaged gifts searching for one particular package that you didn't want Kuvira to open in front of the Beifongs. Your fingers closed around a long box. You pulled it free, giving it a quick glance to make sure the wrapping was still intact. You couldn’t suppress the smile that formed on your lips as you studied the box, feeling that familiar tug in your stomach at the idea of using it. You looked over at the closed bathroom door, listening in on Kuvira opening and closing the shower door. You were very tempted but knew it wasn't the right moment. With a small sigh, you leaned over to pull open the drawer to the nightstand, placed the gift quietly inside, and gently slid the drawer closed. Somethings were better to wait for. You hoped Kuvira would like it when the moment was right. The thought alone had you pressing your lips together to subdue your excitement. Yes you decided, there were some things in life worth waiting for and this was one of those things. Pushing the gifts back into the box you stood lifting up the box and left the bedroom, closing the door behind you for good measure. You walked out of the apartment into the cold winter afternoon and headed towards Beifong estate.
Once inside you immediately noticed that the chaos had slowed but not by much. Pushing through a group of servants putting last-minute decorations on the wall, you headed towards the parlor. When you enter you turn to peer around the corner to make sure that the coast is clear before proceeding in.  You approach the foot of the tree, placing the box on the floor and reaching in to pull out presents. You heard shuffling behind you which causes you to peer behind you. You waited a few beats making sure the coast is clear before turning back around to carefully place each gift under the tree.
You heard the sound of metal shoes tapping the stone floor heading in your direction. You stood up quickly, turning around just in time to see Lin and Suyin enter the parlor, their conversation ceased as they turned their gaze away from one another to where you stood, standing in front of the tree awkwardly.
“Y/N?” Suyin spoke first. Giving you a puzzled look. Lin stood beside Suyin eyeing you suspiciously as Suyin continued. “I thought you were going back to your quarters?”
“I did. I just wanted to put some things under the tree for later since your family usually unwraps gifts at midnight.” You stepped aside so they could see for themselves. The two inched closer and peered overseeing the neatly wrapped packages under the tree. Their suspicions died down.
“Oh, that is such lovely wrapping paper, you didn’t have to do that Y/N.” Said Suyin, pressing a hand to her chest.
“I wanted to do something nice.” You stated, noticing how Lin still watched you carefully. “I mean it is Christmas after all, the time for giving.”
“Exactly! I wished some people felt that way…” Suyin turned her attention to Lin, her eyes narrowed and lips forming a tight line.
“What?” Lin said defensively, eyes widened when Suyin fixed her with an accusatory stare. “I came, didn’t I? You know I’m not one for family get-togethers.”
“While that may be true did you have to come in your work uniform?” Suyin said exasperated. “Honestly Lin don’t you wear anything besides your armor?”
“I came right from the station… it’s not like I have anything else.” Lin said matter of factly.
“Right… other than your extensive collection of coats,” Suyin said dryly.
“I don't even have that many Su.” Lin countered, “And besides what of it? It gets cold often in Republic City. So it is a necessity to have.”
“Lin, the fact that you have more coats than actual clothes is enough proof to show that you’re practically married to your work.”
“And that’s a bad thing?” Lin asked, not sure what Suyin was getting at with her argument.
“And what are you supposed to wear for tonight???” Suyin asked sharply.
You couldn’t help but stand there silently, watching the siblings squabble over Lin’s choice in wardrobe. You weren’t really surprised. The Beifong sisters could only remain civil long enough before they found something to bicker about. You knew the argument they were having was completely frivolous, but at that moment both women were so focused on it that they seemed to have forgotten your presence in the room. You wanted to leave, to let them go at each other. It would have been one less problem for you to deal with, but you knew that it would only set the tone for a tense gathering. You didn’t want anything to make things difficult for Kuvira. It already took enough convincing to get her to attend. With much apprehension, you tried to offer a resolution.
“Hey, If I may…” You began. Your voice was an octave higher than normal which worked in gaining their attention.
Both sisters stopped, switching their attention back to you to glare at you, causing a lump to form in your throat. You immediately regretted your choices but had no choice to continue unless you wanted them to round on you. “Su, Lin is a workaholic and that is not an unknown fact. And Lin as someone who understands being a workaholic, it doesn’t mean you can’t have a life.”
You clasped your hands together, addressing both of the Beifong sisters at the same time. “So, Su why don’t you rummage through your wardrobe and see if there might be something suitable for Lin to wear. If not maybe make a call to your tailor to see if they can come up with something last minute.”
Both sisters stared at you with blank expressions. You could see the gears in their minds clicking as they pondered your suggestion. Suyin shifted her gaze from you to address Lin. “I’m sure there is something in my closet we can find for you to wear Lin,” Suyin said mentally visualizing what she had accessible on hand that might be within Lin’s acquired taste.
“So long as it’s not frilly or makes me look like a clown I could care less,” Lin said dismissively. “At this point, I rather just wear a burlap sack.”
“Lin No! Stop” Suyin frowned, visibly horrified by Lin’s suggestion. “You are not wearing a burlap sack. We should be able to find you something. to wear. I am sure of it.”
“Fiiiinee…” said Lin begrudgingly, dissatisfied with the idea of having to play dress-up with Suyin. She was already dreading showing up.
“Great!” You exclaimed, rubbing your hands together before folding them together over your chest. “Now that it’s settled I will let you guys continue on with your discussion.”
You took a few steps forward with the intent to walk past them but were halted when Lin raised a hand in front of you, blocking your path.
“Hang on a moment Y/N, I need to talk to you.”
You raised a brow in suspicion. “About what?”
“Well as your parole officer I’m supposed to be checking in with you about once a month and it’s close to that time. The other issue being Kuvira.” Lin explained.
“What about Kuvira?” You asked hesitantly.
“I spoke with Su and she explained to me that Kuvira is showing signs of self-isolation.” Lin stood up straight, folding her arms across her chest. “Normally I don’t get involved with personal problems but seeing as it’s a perpetuating issue that is unresolved, it’s now officially my issue to deal with. Your mental stability is part of your rehabilitation. Can’t expect progress if either one of you is uncooperative and moping around.”
“I wouldn’t call it moping. And as far as I’m concerned she’s done everything she has needed to do. She’s just been distant with everybody… including me.” You expressed to Lin who listened intently.
Suyin interrupted, holding out an arm to gesture to the large sofas in the middle of the room. “Here, why don’t we all sit down,” Suyin said, laying a hand on Lin’s arm to gently lead her to a nearby sofa. You followed behind the two sitting down in front of them as they both sat together across from you.
“Look, It’s really not my place to say. I’m not one to divulge other people's personal issues… I’m sorry.” You apologized.
“I know you care about her and that you have a personal obligation to keep her affairs private but as your probation officer and Su as your guardian, it’s important that we know if there are any potential issues that might cause problems.” Lin pressed
“Kuvira is not trying to cause problems. She just doesn’t like the holidays.” You said, defensively
“If it’s just that then why is she refusing to cooperate with Su.” Lin countered.
“Lin, that’s not what I meant.” Suyin interjected, “All I said was that she has been extremely distant with me and doesn’t want to talk to me.”
“Su it’s the same thing!” Lin stated.
“It’s not the same.” Suyin exclaimed, “I never said she didn’t listen. Kuvira’s done everything I’ve asked her to do, but what bothers me is when I’m trying to reach out to her she closes herself off.” Suyin explained, her tone coming out pained. “I just want…” Suyin paused trying to hide the hurt that flashed across her face. “I just don’t want her to push me away…not again...” Suyin said softly.
“Su…” Lin whispered, placing a hand on Suyin’s shoulder in a comforting manner.
“I just want to know… what I did wrong this time,” Suyin whispered solemnly, tilting her head down to watch her hands pull at the fabric of her robes in her lap.
You could see the pain and concern that Suyin suppressed written all over her face. That same pained expression that she managed to hide earlier was there in full display. You couldn’t help but be surprised by it. It was almost hard to believe to see Suyin visibly hurt and near tears by Kuvira’s avoidance.  You knew that Suyin was not always direct about how she felt about Kuvira, but at that moment you could see how much Kuvira truly meant to Suyin. You secretly wished Kuvira could see for herself how much the matriarch cared for her. You wondered if it would be enough to kick Kuvira out of whatever funk she had been in up to this point.
“I know…” You said gently after a few moments, wondering what Suyin was thinking. You felt guilty for originally questioning Suyin’s intentions but just seeing her here in front of you now made you realize how inaccurate your perception was.
“It really isn’t anyone’s fault. Kuvira’s just being stubborn.” You said to Suyin, causing her eyes to meet yours. She saw nothing but empathy and compassion.
“No one is to blame for this.”  You reassured her. Suyin’s gaze softened, understanding that there was more to this delicate situation.
“I did manage to talk her into going. So she will be at the party tonight. Though I have to admit it took some convincing,” You admitted.
“She’s going to be there?” Suyin asked, eyes wide and hopeful.
 “Yes, she has agreed to be there.” You confirmed, finding it hard to ignore the growing smile on Suyin’s face at the confirmation.
“But she hasn’t explained to you why she’s been distant?” Lin asked you directly, not satisfied by your answer.
“I mean she has told me very little about it.” You replied.
“What has she discussed with you, Y/N? Do you have any idea as to why she’s feeling the need to isolate?” Lin asked, pressing for an answer.
You took a moment to decide how you want to answer her question without giving her too much information. “As I had mentioned earlier to Su, I don’t think she is angry at anyone. If anything I think that she is just taking the opinions of others and the way people look at her way too seriously.”
“What do you mean by that?” asked Lin.
“What I’m saying is…” you paused, trying to find the right words to defend Kuvira the best way you could. “Though things have been really challenging for her since moving back to Zaofu. She’s trying her best to make amends and to fix her wrongdoings and personally… I don’t think she feels supported…”
“I don’t understand why she would feel that way,” Suyin said, confused. “I’ve been trying to get her to open up to me, but I haven’t had much luck… I’m at a loss as to what to do.”
“Su, I don’t think this is just about you or anything you are doing.” You stated quickly, not wanting your words to be taken out of context. “I just think her lack of support around her is causing her to feel hopeless and alone, but that’s my opinion. I mean besides you Su; who else has really tried to talk to her?” You asked, hoping that Suyin would begin to understand the message behind your words.
“I…” Suyin paused, it seems that she was starting to understand the situation. “I didn’t even think to consider how she’s been settling in since she came back… how she's even handling everything. I mean Kuvira is no stranger to rumors, but I didn’t even think about how detrimental they could be to her.
“Especially since she’s in a great state of emotional and mental sensitivity. The added stress could also be contributing to her sleep issues.” Lin chimed in, adding her input into the conversation.
You nodded your head in agreement. The two older women were starting to understand that the issue was far greater than themselves; it all came down to Kuvira herself. More or less her mentality and how people viewed her now that she was no longer the Great Uniter. Having so much power at once and literally having it stripped away would make anybody question their life choices and sanity, especially when it came down to their relationships with others. That is considering if the relationship was still salvageable.
“Maybe, it’s possible…You do bring up a valid point Y/N.” Said Lin, her hand coming up to scratch at her chin.
“Indeed…” Suyin nodded in agreement. “I believe at this point it would serve in both of our best interests if I were to have a sit-down conversation with Kuvira.”
“I think that would be for the best, Su.” Lin agreed. “Better to hear it directly from the source.”
“I want to hear what Kuvira has to say before assuming the worst.” Said Suyin, her face remained passive but her voice sounded apprehensive. “I’ve already told Y/N that I would have tea brewed to help with Kuvira’s sleep issues… I will find time to meet with her later.”
“I’m sorry I couldn’t help more.” You said, feeling an odd sense of guilt at keeping Kuvira’s weary behavior towards the Beifongs to yourself. You knew the two sisters meant well but there were some things that people had to find out for themselves, and this was one of those things.
“It’s okay Y/N,” Suyin reassured you. “It’s not your place to speak on Kuvira’s behalf. I’m just glad that she will be joining us tonight. Hopefully, everything goes smoothly…”
“I’m sure it will.” You stated.
“I mean what is a Beifong gathering without a little family drama,” Lin said nonchalantly.
“Lin!” Suyin whipped her head at Lin and narrowed her eyes. “Really?”
Lin shrugged her shoulders, “What? I’m just saying it’s pretty typical for our family to have some sort of drama or a reoccurring crisis during family get-togethers.”
“Well for once it would be nice not to.” Suyin spat.
“Anyways…” Lin began, brushing off her sister’s sass. “Besides that Y/N how have you been doing?”
“Oh you know, just helping out where and when I can.” You answered, feeling a bit awkward now that the conversation had diverted away from Kuvira and onto you. “I try to go where I'm needed.”
“Lately, Y/N has been helping me with reconstruction projects. I had her assist with a new design for our landscape project” Suyin confirmed.
“Yes, I have been trying to find ways to figure out how to make exotic plants thrive and reformat the layout of the grounds. It’s dirty work but I enjoy it. However, the weather has made it difficult to work so I will have to pick it back up when it gets warmer.”
Lin scoffed “Yeah, I don’t blame you. Getting here alone was a real pain. This storm is no joke. We had trouble with navigating our way here. At this rate, we might need to hunker down for a few days and wait out this storm.”
“Really? It’s that bad?” Suyin balked.
“Yes, visibility is terrible,” Lin confirmed. “If it wasn’t for it being daytime I highly doubt I would have been able to get here safely.”
“I’ll go ahead and have the rooms prepared just in case.” Suyin decided, her face etched with worry. “Hopefully the others will make it here safely.”
“They should, I radioed Korra and Tenzin before departing. They left after I did. From what I’m aware of they’re taking the future industry airship.” Said Lin.
“If that’s the case then I’m sure they’ll make it here safely. Asami has people that know what they’re doing.” Said Suyin, still showing visible concern.
Lin snickered at Suyin’s comment, earning a dirty look from Suyin. Her smug look vanished almost instantly. You resisted the urge to laugh, instead you bit your lip to suppress it. The way the two would throw shade at each other was something you found hilarious, not that you would make it known. One angry Beifong was enough to deal with… you didn’t want to do anything that would cause them to direct their anger at you. You doubted you would come out unscathed. That was a force you knew you did not want to reckon with if Kuvira’s description of their past fights was accurate as she claimed to be. You remembered when Kuvira explained to you their last fight. You almost didn’t believe it. It sounded so exaggerated and atrocious it was hard to believe. When you overheard the guards the other day talking about it after learning that Lin would be stopping by you couldn’t help but notice how nervous they became. Speaking cautiously in frantic whispers made you eavesdrop on the conversation. You had listened in on one of the guards complaining about how long it took to clean up the damage from the last time they fought. You remembered Kuvira mentioning it took weeks to fix the damage to the estate after the last time they went at each other's throats. Overhearing the guards talking with wide eyes and hushed voices made you wonder how extreme the fight was to cause that much damage. You definitely didn’t want to find out.
“Anyways…” you began, hoping to alleviate the tension. “Was there anything else you wanted to discuss? I probably should head back and start getting ready.”
Lin shook her head, “Not at the moment, I will get with you later on for your evaluation.”
“Sounds like a plan,” you confirmed, pushing yourself off the sofa into a standing position.
Suyin rose from the sofa, “In the meantime, I’m gonna have the rooms prepared for later. That way everybody can retire after and nobody has to travel through that dreadful storm. I will get with you later Y/N.”
Lin stood up, “I’ll go ahead and radio Asami to check-in with them. Just to be sure.”
You nodded your head in agreement, “Great, see you later.”
You smiled at the two, then turned to leave. Giving them the opportunity to finish their chat before they went to carry out their tasks. At least things couldn't get more invasive than you thought to yourself. You pushed open the doors to the estate and headed down the path back to your apartment, wondering what you would return to.
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chanel5designer · 3 years
Text
Macgyver 5x10 final scene continuation fanfic
....“Hiding your emotions. Did they go way?”
Riley stares deeply into Mac’s eyes, trying to decipher what she sees written on Mac’s face. There is such a raw intensity about it - a longing she’s spent many nights dreaming about but never really believed she would experience with Mac.
A little frown appears on her forehead as she replies, “Why does it matter Mac? You’re going to propose to Desi.”
A flash of hurt skates across his face. Brokenly he responds, “It changes everything, Riles. I admit that my desire to propose to Desi wasn’t as well thought out as it should have been.” He glances away from Riley and gets a faraway look in his eyes, “Ever since my dad died, and losing Jack, I’ve been searching for a way to stabilize and clarify my relationship with Desi. I thought that by making that grand gesture by proposing marriage would get us back on the right track in our relationship. Admittedly, not my best, but I am so tired of feeling alone, like I don’t really belong to anyone. The uncertainty was driving me nuts. Until your confession, I thought you only saw me as a really good friend. I love our friendship, and the thought of screwing it up terrifies me. You’re the most stable, secure relationship in my life. The thought of losing that paralyzed me. You know what I see when I look at you? You are the epitome of all that I ever wanted in a woman, but never thought I had the chance to have. You’re a smart, beautiful, resourceful genius hacker who knows how to improvise and has the kindest heart of all the people I know. You love fiercely and have saved me in every way imaginable. It’s always been you, ever since I unlocked your handcuffs and you joined me in this crazy, dangerous life. You drew me under your spell and slowly filled in all of the cracks that I didn’t know I had. You are my rock, my best friend, my home. So I need to know, am I too late?”
Shocked by what she hears, Riley takes a deep breath centering herself as her mind races with this new information. Tilting her head slightly to the side, she says, “You really thought proposing marriage was the answer to your relationship issues? Not your best idea Mac. I really thought you were happy with Desi. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you is to be happy. Before I answer your question, I need to know if I say yes, will you go back to your original plan and propose to Desi?”
“No. Desi and I were done the minute I heard your confession to Bozer. I think she too knew that we weren’t the right fit for each other, and was tired of trying to fix what proved to be an unfixable relationship. We agreed to break off our relationship for good just prior to today’s debriefing in the war room. I’ve spent the last few hours wrestling with what to do about your confession. Do I act on it or let it go? On the one hand, your confession was like being given a cold drink of water after getting lost in the desert. It soothed the voice in my head taunting me that I don’t really belong to anyone. My entire family is dead. I know our group at the Phoenix is family, but I wanted something more. Something deeper. A personal connection - a person to wholeheartedly love and who would love me with that same passion. On the other hand, hearing that I was breaking your heart gutted me. I feel horrible for having caused you pain. You’re the last person I ever wanted to hurt. Learning Leanna had been killed reinforced my desire to see you. Life is short. I don’t want to waste another moment wondering what might have been. I know, no matter what comes next, whether you confirm that those feelings you buried did in fact go away or not, the no knowing would be worse than taking the risk to find out if my own buried feelings for you are reciprocated.”
She looks deeply into his eyes, contemplating how to respond to all that she’s learned. Mac - her best friend Angus Macgyver - admitted to having feelings for her. Can she risk everything and tell him the truth? She’s never stopped loving him, and never will. Out of nowhere, a lyric pops into her head. If you want to know if he loves you so, it’s in his kiss. “Could it really be that easy?” she thinks.
“Let’s find out,” she thinks. Riley reaches up and snakes her arms around his neck drawing him in for a deep, passionate kiss. It was like nothing she’d ever imagined. It was so much better.
Surprised by her move, it takes Mac a second to react to the fact that he’s kissing Riley Davis. Once his brain registers what’s happening, he pours all of the longing and buried feelings into expressing how much she means to him. When he finally draws back to get some much needed air, he looks down at her. His Riley. He now understands what Bozer meant when he said he didn’t want to die before getting the chance to kiss Riley. Getting the chance is life changing.
Riley looks up at Mac checking to see his response because she’s wrecked right now. She’d imagined them kissing would be good, but this was exponentially better. She never wants to stop.
He looks as wrecked as she feels.
She realizes they are still standing in her door way and he could probably use a rest and an ice pack or three. She gently grabs his hand leading him to her couch pointing for him to sit down before going to her fridge and pulling out a couple bottles of his favorite beer and a bag of frozen carrots. He’s limping slightly and given the hell they’ve gone through, she knows he’s got to be covered in bruises.
“Do you want to live in a world of what if and might have been, or will you seize this opportunity to let out all of the emotions you’ve bottled up inside and come home?” She argues with herself.
She walks back over to the sofa, handing Mac his drink before sitting down on the chair across from him. He’s fidgeting. She grabs a paper clip and hands it to him. He smiles gratefully.
“Mac,” she whispers, “My feelings...they never left. No matter how much I suppressed them and tried to move on, I couldn’t. My heart has been and always will be yours. I’m never leaving you. It’s you and me no matter what.”
A huge grin breaks out on Mac’s face, causing the wound on his cheek to throb a bit. He lifts the frozen carrots to dull the pain and gets ready to speak.
Riley holds up a finger causing Mac to pause before speaking, “But Mac, I want to say a few things. While I still have feelings for you, I’m not ready to be in a relationship with you. Honestly, you’re not ready to be in a relationship with me either. I’m scared if we jump into this too quickly, it will flame out, making us just another failed statistic in the long list of Phoenix operatives whose relationships that haven’t worked. Besides we still have to work with Desi. Let’s be smart about this so that it doesn’t create a rift in the team. I have no intention of being your rebound, second choice or safety net. I need you to prove to me that we can still work together smoothly despite of our feelings. Show me that the knowledge of our feelings hasn’t compromised our ability to work together. I want you to promise me that you will be willing to work on finding healthier coping mechanisms to deal with your trauma. Maybe even talk to a therapist to see what kind of tools they have to help you process your negative emotions. I’ll go with you if you want to a session or two. It’d wreck me if I lost you because your body can’t handle all of the emotional trauma you’ve suffered and you ended up stuck in a panic attack like what happened in Kazakhstan on a future mission.”
His euphoria at their first kiss deflates a little bit at her words, but he understands where she’s coming from. He knew he needed to make some changes, not just for Riley but for himself. He admitted to himself that his erratic behavior was rooted in the fear of being alone.
“Does that mean I can’t ask you out on a date until I can prove to you that we can make this work professionally?”
“Let’s take a few months and focus on working on ourselves before we talk about going on dates and getting into a relationship. Don’t worry. We will still see each other and hang out. We will do it together, like we do everything else. You jump. I jump. You go boom, I go boom. So prove me wrong. Show me that not all Phoenix relationships have to end in heartbreak. Show me some of that infamous Angus Macgyver charm I’ve heard so much about. Sweep me off my feet if you can,” She smirked.
Grinning widely at the challenge issued, Mac replies, “I’m looking forward to it Miss Davis.”
Game on.
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sisterspooky1013 · 3 years
Text
Damsels, by SisterSpooky1013
Chapter Two: Assignment
Read chapter one here / Rated E
Tagging @today-in-fic
Tense. Awkward. Ambiguous. There are many words she might use to describe her relationship with Mulder at the moment, none of them particularly pleasant. As things between them become more intense, it’s getting harder to ignore the fact that their feelings for one another are beyond those of friendship, partnership, or even family. The problem is, neither of them seems willing to risk an overture bigger than a New Years kiss, an offer of wine and cheese, a night of baseball, or even a request for a sperm donor. The little gestures that say they want more pepper their interactions, but the grand gesture is yet to be seen. They’re in a standoff; guns drawn, but no one is willing to fire the first shot. Stalemate. Conundrum. Catch 22. Stuck.
An idle Tuesday afternoon spent completing case reports is both a treasure and a torture. The smell of his cologne when he leans over her desk to point out a typo makes her dizzy with desire. His boyish smile at his own cheesy jokes begs her to kiss his pouty lips. Just the shadow of his presence, his tall frame looming over her like a safe harbor, makes her ache. She wants to be near him, but being near him is a test of every shred of self control she possesses. How she has not yet climbed into his lap on his flimsy office chair is a minor miracle.
For this reason, being called into A.D. Skinner’s office for an impromptu meeting is a welcome reprieve. Mulder is perplexed as to why they only requested her but she shrugs him off, promising to fill him in on the details when she gets back if he finishes the case report he’s been toiling away at for the better part of the day. He gives her a coy smile that makes her belly do flips as she pulls the door closed behind her. Each step she takes away from the basement releases her from the pull of his nearness and she’s able to breathe easier, but knows she’ll start to miss him within the hour.
When she arrives in Skinner’s office, she’s surprised to find that A.D. Kersh is also present. A most unpleasant surprise, given their history.
“Agent Scully, please take a seat,” Skinner directs her, and she sits in the empty chair beside Kersh. This is normally a situation in which Mulder would be by her side, which adds to her discomfort.
“Agent Scully,” Skinner begins, “you’ve been requested to assist in a special investigation being handled by Kersh’s team. It’s an undercover operation.”
Scully’s eyebrows lift in surprise and confusion. “Is Agent Mulder also being requested, sir?” she asks, wondering if this would be a repeat of Arcadia. Though if they went undercover as a married couple now, things may play out a bit differently than last time.
“No,” Skinner continues, “you, and you alone, have been specifically requested. Agent Mulder will not be needed for this investigation.”
“Can I ask why?” she queries, characteristically being respectful of the authority of the men in the room, while also skeptical of Kersh’s motives.
Skinner looks to Kersh, silently signaling him to take up the explanation.
“Agent Scully, this case requires an undercover operation in search of a missing young woman,” Kersh explains in his deadpan, unfriendly demeanor. “Mila Chamberlain went missing from her New York apartment four months ago. Her parents have connections with the bureau by way of a scholarship they fund. They believe that Mila is being held against her will in Philadelphia by a man named Ricky Dean. Our investigation so far has been stalled by the fact that Mr. Dean has a very tight circle and no one is willing to talk. At this point we believe an undercover agent is our best opportunity to locate Mila and extricate her from the situation she’s in.”
Scully listens quietly with her hands folded in her lap. When Kersh finishes, she looks to Skinner to gauge his response, then back to Kersh. She has a feeling there’s something they aren’t telling her.
“What’s the assignment, sir? What is it that I can provide or do that the agents in your division can’t?”
Kersh looks at Skinner and waits.
“Agent Scully, Ricky Dean is the owner and operator of a large and very successful gentlemen’s club in Philly,” Skinner explains, forcing eye contact that clearly makes him uncomfortable.
Scully juts out her chin and looks at him expectantly. It would appear that she has to pull teeth to get the details of this case. “What is the assignment, sir?” she asks again, clear irritation in her voice.
Kersh pipes in. “We need an agent to go undercover as a dancer, Agent Scully, to get close to Ricky and the other girls who work there. To locate Mila and extract her from the club.”
Scully’s mouth falls open slightly. She has to be missing something. “A dancer? Forgive my candor, sir, but am I to understand that you’re asking me to go undercover as a stripper?” She works very hard to keep the edge out of her voice.
“That’s correct, Agent Scully,” Skinner replies. “If you recall, when you signed on as a Special Agent with the FBI you agreed to investigate and solve cases by whatever means necessary.” It seems that Skinner has rehearsed this well. He’s ready for her objections and has prepared rebuttals, though the flush on his neck gives away just how uncomfortable this conversation is for him.
“I do understand that, sir, however I can’t help but wonder why I specifically am being selected for this assignment. I’m assigned to the X Files. This is not an X File. Surely an agent in A.D. Kersh’s division can assist with this.”
Skinner shifts uncomfortably in his seat and avoids her eyes. She looks at Kersh, openly frustrated. “Sir?” she asks.
Skinner speaks, looking at his desk. “We require an agent with a certain…look. Age demographic, physical…features. They have to be able to get a job at the club without the opportunity for a plant. They have to walk in off the street with the certainty that they’ll be hired,” he raises his gaze to look at her. “There is no one on Kersh’s team who fits that description.”
Now it’s Scully who blushes. They’re assigning her to this case because they think that she, of all people, can get a job at a strip club. She swallows hard.
“Sir, with all due respect, I’m very uncomfortable with this assignment.” She looks back and forth between the two A.D.s, directing her plea to whichever she might be able to sway.
“And with all due respect, Agent Scully,” Skinner replies, pulling rank, “we are asking you as a courtesy. Need I remind you that you are not at liberty to pick and choose which assignments you take?”
That’s it. There’s no option to back out or say no. All she has hope for is to try to negotiate some of the parameters. She looks at her hands, which she hadn’t realized she was wringing in her lap. Her skin is now mottled and red.
“I understand, sir. If I may, this sounds like a very…sensitive situation. One in which other agents being aware of the assignment could compromise the case.” This is her very professional way of saying that if the guys in the bullpen get wind that Agent Scully is on assignment as a stripper, they will surely pay a recreational visit to the club. She’s been through a lot and there are many challenges she knows she can overcome, however her coworkers seeing her in such a degrading situation is not something she is capable of surviving.
“Of course, we’ve considered that as well. No one other than myself, A.D. Kersh and the lead investigator on the case, Special Agent Wiley, will be aware of your assignment. We have and will continue to go to great lengths to protect your privacy on this, Agent Scully.” Skinner has softened just a bit now that he got past showing Kersh that he can compel his agents to toe the line as well as any A.D., even unruly ones like Mulder and Scully.
“What about Agent Mulder?” she asks, lifting her gaze. “I don’t mean to be dramatic, sir, but if he finds out about this, he’ll…I’m honestly not sure what he’ll do but I don’t imagine it will be pleasant.” She pictures Mulder storming the strip club, throwing her over his shoulder and hauling her out of there like she’s a wayward teenager. That’s the only scenario even worse than the assignment itself.
Skinner nods solemnly. “Yes, I’ve considered that as well. You’ll tell Agent Mulder that I assigned you to assist with a case at Quantico and that you’ll be away for a few weeks. Tomorrow morning you’ll be transported to your temporary residence in Philly and you will cut all contact with him, and I do mean ALL contact, Agent Scully. I’ll deal with him after you’re gone.”
“Thank you, sir. Is there anything else I need to know right now?” She feels nausea creeping up her spine.
“That’s it for now, Agent Scully. Report to my office at 0400 hours tomorrow. You’re to bring nothing. Not your wallet or your service weapon, and definitely not your cell phone. Everything you need will be supplied to you.”
“Yes, sir. Thank you.”
She stands and leaves his office, a lump forming in her throat as she blinks furiously against the tears that threaten to break loose. Once in the hall, she makes a beeline for the ladies room and spends the better part of 20 minutes calming herself down. This is a living nightmare. She can’t even begin to think about what she’ll be asked to do. What absolute depravity she’ll need to bear witness to, much less participate in. Only two people other than her doctors have seen her in anything less than a bathing suit in the last 7 years; Ed and Mulder. The idea of taking her clothes off in front of anyone, much less men there for the express purpose of ogling her, makes her physically ill. There’s a strong possibility that she’ll deliver a right hook to the first guy who lays a hand on her and get herself fired, which might actually be the best case scenario.
And Mulder. She has to lie to Mulder. Even if she gets through the initial lie, she’ll have to come clean eventually. What will he think of her? This might seal her fate with whatever is going on between them. Knowing that she has done this, that she has degraded herself so completely and defied her own morals in such a profound way, could change how he sees her irreparably. After talking herself down from quitting on the spot several times, she leaves the bathroom and heads to the basement.
Mulder has his feet propped up on his desk, the completed case file stacked neatly in the corner as he flips through a stack of photographs. When she pushes the door open, he smiles broadly and she feels a clench in her chest.
“Hey, you’re back. That was a seriously long meeting. The case file is all done, so what’s up?” he asks, bringing his feet to the floor and propping his elbows on the desk.
“Oh, nothing exciting.” She’s already unsure if she can fool him. “They need some help at Quantico, a big case with a heavy autopsy load, and Skinner is going to reassign me for a few weeks.”
He looks at her quizzically and she feels her pulse quicken. “Really? What case is that? I don’t think I’ve heard anything about it.”
“Uh, I’m honestly not sure, he didn’t give me much information, just said that I needed to report there tomorrow.” She busies herself with organizing the papers on her desk, taking mental note of the fact that she won’t be returning for quite some time.
“Scully, you were gone for like an hour, he didn’t give you any details?”
Her brain scrambles for an excuse. “Oh, yeah, I was only in Skinner’s office for about ten minutes. I ran into Agent Vincent in the hallway and chatted with him for a bit.”
Mulder narrows his eyes while she does absolutely everything other than look at him. “Agent Vincent? I thought you hated that guy. You called him, and I quote, ‘dumber than a bag of hair.’”
Her fight or flight response kicks in and she whirls to face him, irritation bubbling to the surface. “I said I talked to the guy, Mulder, not went on a date with him. He asked for some help with a case he’s working on. Am I not supposed to speak to anyone but you?”
He puts up his hands in defense. “No, I didn’t say that. Sorry. Forget about it.”
“I’m gonna head out early, I don’t feel all that well. Can you make sure these reports get submitted with yours?” she asks, setting her four completed reports on top of the one he’d finished in the same timeframe.
“Uh, yeah, of course. Are you getting sick?” Concern clouds his features; he’s always so worried for her health.
“I’m fine, Mulder, I’ll see you tomorrow.” She collects her briefcase and coat and makes for the door.
“No you won’t,” he says as her fingers grasp the handle.
She freezes, thinking she’s been caught. She turns to look at him, but his expression is neutral.
“You’ll be at Quantico, right?” he offers.
She exhales deeply. “Right. Yes, I’ll be at Quantico.”
“Maybe we can get lunch. Email me when you know what time you can sneak away,” he says, leaning back in his chair and picking up a baseball from the surface of his desk.
“Okay, I will. Goodbye, Mulder.” She takes a long look at him, not sure when she’ll see him again.
“Later, Gator,” he replies nonchalantly, tossing the ball in the air and catching it as she pulls the door closed behind her.
14 notes · View notes
matsuokaparadise · 4 years
Text
Rin Matsuoka relationship hcs
This is quite the hefty post, since I’ve tried to cover as many aspects of the relationship as possible (both SFW and NSFW), but if any of you liked a particular (set) of hc(s), feel free to hit my ask box and I will elaborate on it/them with a drabble or maybe even a full-sized fic (if your patience is otherworldly). 
where does one even begin
this relationship would be full of everything from extreme sap, to extreme drama to extreme romance to extreme steam- literally nothing missing, aka you just can’t possibly get bored
you better expect this boi to go to the ends of hell for you because that’s exactly what he’s going to do and if you’re not ready to do the same for him you may walk yourself out the door, sir
also, a relationship with a world-class athlete ain’t easy- you have to brace yourself for a whole lot of time spent apart, not only because of his competitions and whatnot, but also because of his incessant training- an integral and necessary part of his career
but not only do you have to prepare yourself mentally for the long-distance-despite-not-being-long-distance aspect, you have to remember that he is constantly under massive pressure too 
being super clingy and complaining all the damn time is a massive no from your girl here 
but to get into the actual relationshippy things 
this boi would absolutely love the idea of matching jewellery 
you know the way he’s always wearing some sort of bracelet or necklace
yeah he’d totally get you two a bracelet or something after a good while of the relationship because-
-he’d also be the kind to take everything slow 
so he’s super passionate as we all know, but he’s not really a rash person 
he’s definitely grown a lot and I feel that many people actually keep labelling him as the dude he used to be when he was 17 and was a teeny tiny bit of an asshole 
however, he really thinks things through and realises the importance of pacing in a relationship
I mean yeah if you’re good with it early on it’s not like he’d wait 3 months to have sex or anything 
I just mean that he wouldn’t be throwing in unnecessarily grand gestures like saying I love you at 1 month and a half, especially if you haven’t even known each other that long, like you were just classmates or something for a year or so and then decided to date
in fact, during the relationship, he wouldn’t really drop the 3 words all that often I guess
it’s not really because he just gets flustered sometimes-he’s not 15 anymore-it’s actually because he strongly believes in their meaning and doesn’t want to trivialise it
I guess this is part of his Japanese side that hasn’t changed at all despite the foreign influence from early on in his life and also at present, at university
so when he says it, it’s a really important moment
that, or he’s just pent up so much love towards you that he just had to express it directly 
he’d be very good with words, though
as he still has this tendency to express his sentimentality rather indirectly, he has mastered the technique of making you feel things with simple words, but carefully chosen ones 
also, he’d be real big on affectionate gestures
this boi would really be the kind to gift you random things for absolutely no reason and buy you flowers
when he’s in public with you he wouldn’t really do more than hold your hand and occasionally give you a peck or something, 
but when you two are alone he’d really enjoy either lounging with you combing his hair with your fingers while he’s lying on your lap
or hugging you from behind when you’re doing random things just to surprise you and see your reaction
couple workouts! but fear not, not the cringe yoga and him doing push-ups with you on his back kind of workout- rather, him lending you a hand, sometimes jogging together and just generally the two of you doing your own thing together 
bonus: Rin stealing some appreciative glances at you amidst your intense workout session, which can either lead to a candid, loving compliment, or would trigger some ;;;;;) moment in him which will catch up on you unknowingly later during the day (or, should I say, night ;;;;) )
bonus x2: seeing him sweaty, panting and gawking in awe at his perfectly sculpted muscles which are flexing before your very eyes... damn 
one of his best looks would be his black tank top with a pair of sweats, a look he generally wears around the apartment and which, despite being as casual as you can get, is a genuine gift from God 
nevermind all of his very well coordinated looks which make all the lasses turn their heads on the street 
which brings me to-
-shopping dates and him helping you choose what to wear when you’re going somewhere
even though you’re not together at that moment, if you’re in a quandary as to what to wear for a specific event, snap him a few pics of the outfits, or just ask him directly (yes, he remembers what clothes you have- a scarily good ability) and he’ll give you a whole ass run down of why this one’s good but that one’s better etc etc
also, since we’re on the topic of pics;) 
this boi would LOOVE taking selfies with you! just imagine: two dorks making peace signs in the most adorable selfie ever 
he’d be a bit shy about using cute filters but you’d end up taking cat whisker selfies with him in no time 
but also
since the relationship involves so much time apart 
texting (and sexting) can be a really important part of your relationship (here you can read my Rin texting headcanons)
he’d make you feel like a goddess most of the time, because he really appreciates your hard work 
but whenever you’re in a slump he’d be your number 1 source of motivation
it’s really different when you see someone you don’t really know who becomes successful and whatever, but when the man you know so intimately and who you’re so close to is that person, achieving your goals really becomes more realistic 
after all, sometimes you need motivation from external sources too, there’s nothing wrong with that
a very healthy relationship indeed, you two would psych each other up and be there for each other, teach each other things and be an inspiration to one another 
but hey lemme give you some NSFW because I know you were looking for this part
i’m just gonna say this, Rin is a whole ass dom who really loves pleasing
and teasing 
so don’t expect anything without at least a little bit of teasing 
enjoys positions in which he can see you (and your facial expressions) properly, positions in which he can kiss you, nibble on your earlobe, you got it
not to say that he doesn’t enjoy taking you from behind
actually, do expect some nice desk/table/kitchen counter action 
he’s not vanilla but he’s not necessarily kinky either 
so he’d be up for the occasional roleplay, the occasional tying you up, occasional cosplay, you know
things he usually does include: biting (your neck, collarbone, ear, lip, thighs, sides of your abdomen), edging, breath play if you’re really into it, a lot of goddamn whispering in your ear and around your neck, does it make sense if I say suave dirty talk? like he wouldn’t use curse words, he’d just say things in such a manner that he’s using rather sweet words which end up sounding sexy and a bit indecent 
sex with him would definitely feel more like lovemaking rather than a good fucking if you get my gist 
aka imagine less of whatever porn scenario you have in mind with very rough handling and imagine more of a really jazzy kind of thing, even when you’re spicing it up with different things
actual rough sex with him would occur, but really not often at all
i guess i can narrow it down to passionate and extremely sensual 
the boi really gets off to your being extra pleased, so expect long sessions
get ready to be worshipped, you goddess, both in and outside of the bedroom
he probably won’t let this show too much, but he’s the kind who would be absolutely ruined if you broke up with him or things weren’t working well
but you’d never see that, because he’s matured a lot and he knows how to pull through difficulties
he’d cook for you super often! whether you know how to cook or not really doesn’t concern him because you bet he’ll wine and dine you all the freaking time 
and he’ll cherish whatever you cook, even if it’s some underdressed salad, or slightly overcooked eggs with toast
he really deserves all the love that he can get
the relationship definitely won’t be smooth, but it won’t lack in anything and it would only get better and better with time- it’s literally impossible to end up complacent with him because there’s always something new 
even the medium amounts of drama that arise only add to the amazing things this relationship has to bring 
kissing the tears off each other’s cheeks, frantic embraces, sometimes over-the-top, grand displays of affection after a long time of not having seen each other, or even small gestures that end up moving either of you to tears 
this would only be a glimpse into how the relationship would feel like with this absolute babe and sweetheart of a man
i could go on forever so please do ask for more of these
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sugar-petals · 4 years
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Can u introduce yuzuru to us the caro way?👀
so you want to know about the one and only. ♡😌
yuzuru hanyū (25) of sendai, japan: the most beautiful ice prince with a heart of gold.
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….an artist clearly not of this world, he’s been sent to us from another realm. 19 world records, two olympics won, dubbed the greatest figure skater of all time. and the most precious bean on top of that.
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but let’s start from the beginning, shall we ♥︎
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so, want to spot yuzu on the ice? use this checklist. slender silhouette, an even slimmer waist, feather-like outfits (he sketches those himself; the fandom lovingly calls him swanyu), soft blushy face. he has great androgyny.
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outside of performances, you see him either with a deer’s gaze or the brightest, biggest eye smile. also, he’s usually found sitting with his wife: 
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which is the ice 😄 these two are together forever. you can discern yuzu from a mile away by how he treats his working ground. 
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there is a purity to him. you’d not guess that this is one of the most ardent athletes if you didn’t see what’s around his neck after competitions. the guy’s cuteness is as compelling as his skating technique.
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look for it: yuzu’s face is super suave and rosy up close, even after his most energetic performances. some men are handsome, others pretty, he is both. 
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even acoustically, he’s hard to miss. applause is all around, and he’s highly expressive. if you see a crying young man getting the high score, that’s yuzuru hanyu. you’ve not seen more beautiful happy tears.
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and score reactions, anyway:
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so, aye loves, the rumors are true. a cutie-pie off the ice, animated, a real unabashed meme — yuzu is easy-going, talkative. cheery, cheeky, one of a kind. his facial expressions are a league of their own.
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if you thought this is the sort of guy who watches cat videos, you are correct 😄
yuz-uwu hanyu, everybody:
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his undoubtedly feline behaviour is often unexpected, it stands out with its adorableness, too. a sweetheart par excellence. 
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and, how else could it be: vice versa, the big beast on the rink. he’s cutesy, dorky, very well-spoken in daily life, but when it comes to skating, his seriousness escalates. you blink once and suddenly hanyu is a bedazzling, strutting lion :’D his performances stun with confident elegance.
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he becomes full of ardor, drama, and focus. you’d never suspect so much fire burns in him. a showman and ambition icon, hands down. 
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his skating is dynamic, perfected, and emotional. if you want to see art and the extra mile, tune in when hanyu competes.
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the downside is; more light, more shadow. it leaves him crawling on the ice afterwards. yuzu performs so hard, it’s worrying.
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he delivers it all. you won’t believe it:
this guy is an asthmatic.
the symptoms aren’t as bad as they used to be, but there are still regular attacks. he said that he’ll never take it as an excuse and often recalls how he started skating because of it. he’s a badass, extremely inspiring. yuzuru defies all limits, including gravity. his jumps have legendary status. 
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off the rink, you guessed it: he turns into a wholly different person. 
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it all dissolves completely when he’s dorking around again. 
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don’t let it deceive you, he’s the no other option than first place type. he could not be any more decorated with titles, he achieved the grand slam in all competitions as of 2020. and still, king of sportsmanship hanyu is respectful and smiley towards all colleagues and never lets anyone feel left out. especially when it comes to his juniors (e.g. yuma kagiyama, 16, below) which says a lot about him.
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he bows in every direction before an audience, too. lower than a 90° angle, even. this is more polite than any existing formality in japan.
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talk about audience: i introduced fellow japanese skater shoma uno last week, who’s more uncomfortable with social contact and aggression. yuzu, extrovert he is: the exact opposite. he withers away with no people and competition. he’s befriended rivals, had crises over not having someone who could challenge him. when a competitor retires, he’s the one crying in their arms (e.g. with team mate and bff javier fernandez from spain below).
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beside his competitive spirit and princely wow factor, hanyu is popular for his winnie pooh tissue box that he caresses, squeezes, and carries everywhere. he loves good luck charms & rituals, pooh is the most important one.
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fans throw pooh plushies on the ice after his performances because of it. since it’s gotten so intense, yuzu recently started cleaning them up himself on top of the flower girls for the upcoming skater who could get delayed otherwise. (more about what happens with the piles of plushies later.)
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so, the burning question is. 
what made yuzuru hanyu emerge so outstanding an entertainer? how does someone causing so much uproar become like that? it’s not just what kind of appearance he was given, although he really looks his part to a T. you don’t have to be an insider to see it right away.
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like literally to a fault. and you can tell the way his blades sound on the ice is different. it’s soft even if he does the most hardcore quadruple jumps. i think it’s because his drive to do this is a higher one, hanyu has an altered relationship with the ice. where his devotion comes from has a more severe reason so, massive trigger warning. 
this is no exaggeration: yuzuru is considered a hero to the japanese. a survivor of the earthquake 2011, he narrowly escaped the collapsing rink in his hometown on that very day. he’s often talked about how the ice shattered underneath his feet and it was the moment that defined his life forever. he could have been dead by the age of 16. his motivation has been set ever since. this man is compelled by something bigger, that’s why you hear it and you feel it. he wants to skate not just for himself but others and seize every day. 
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much of his copious charity work — that’s where all the pooh plushies go — went to mend the consequences of the tsunami ever since, he’s looked upon as a great hope in japan. the minister gave him the people’s honor award in 2018. 
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now you know why yuzuru has such a fanbase and treats the ice as sacred, you see it in every gesture. his manners are without a single flaw, he helps staff repair the ice after performances. 
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you might think it’s odd, but he honors the ground. he’s invested in the integrity of it. that’s why he’s the best skater. it’s gratitude and the will to live fully.
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he hates to fall on the ice, he hates to damage it. alongside his feathery weight, that’s why the sound he makes while gliding along is so tender. 
i think that’s also why hanyu’s signature element is the ina bauer. it doesn’t rely on brutal force, instead this element slides across the rink like a swan. yeah, oh my god.
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it’s his most well-known dramatic move. the way he surrenders into it. 
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hanyu’s back arch and perfect split allow him to do elements no other male skaters can. his biellmann spin, for instance. i know, it’s ridiculous.
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and those are just two elements of dozens and dozens. hanyu is a kinetic wizard. i highly rec this record-breaking delivery of his olympic program. in front of his home crowd! he’s just… mind-boggling. i live for his smiles here.
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exceptional skater, exceptional mentor: it’s time we look at another puzzle piece that made yuzu the way he is. the masterful brian orser is hanyu’s beloved coach. missing gold by just one mistake at the olympics 1988, brian is now committed to give others what he couldn’t have— successfully so.
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orser took the ice prince to gold twice, this hasn’t happened in 66 years. brian is the nicest and most supportive pooh carrier and yuzu’s utmost rock. hanyu’s talent rests safely in these hands.
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he gets strict about punctuality lmao! but other than that, his guidance is gentle. canadian he is, brian’s courteousness mixes well with yuzu’s politeness. their bond is strong. as. hell. 
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brian picked up yuzu from rock bottom several times. most fateful being hanyu’s accident with a fellow skater during competition warm-ups nov 2014. they collided at a high speed, it was unspeakably nasty. yuzu got knocked out for half a minute and had grave breathing problems but still decided to skate on with what later turned out as an almost-concussion. brian was the most worried ice dad in the world that day.
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yuzu cried and crouched and bled like mad and my heart has been broken ever since. i hope he never suffers like that again. promise me you don’t search up the video, it’s a harrowing watch like a stab to the chest. sadly enough, hanyu’s body has still been a notorious wreck, esp. ankle issues regularly give him a hard time 😔
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it hurts like a bitch with every jump landing but he takes meds and still manages to win, god knows how. sometimes even with crutches on the podium. at his worst, he’s still the best, it’s a tragedy.
he’s been recovering, or always is, but he pushes himself through injuries. his ambition and perfectionism are boundless. the cause is more important to him than his well-being. this is not an easy guy to stan once you see how he sacrifices and self-destructs. so, it’s good someone protects him. 
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mostly from himself because nobody has profoundly surpassed hanyu. he has let himself no choice than to contest himself. not even health, only age can stop yuzu. i think that brian understands this ‘curse of a genius’ effect. his mere presence can make hanyu say these rare words:
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his two other coaches contribute to that. tracy wilson (left) has proven to understand his playful side the best while ghislain briand (right) helps yuzuru deal with his fears. so you got 3 people taking care of the golden boy. brian once said: “he is very sheltered” and you can see it’s true.
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yuzu eased into learning english and communicates well with his coaches. like with everything, he studies hard and often forces himself to speak during interviews to practice. his skills are astounding. his speaking voice is also very soothing, very amicably low and high alike. yuzu is highly intelligent. he always says something eloquent and interesting.
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now, privately, hanyu is very much like you’d expect someone so devoted to skating would be like. he doesn’t go out, has no social media, can’t eat nor sleep very well. no cameras allowed during practice. it figures he is attached to winnie pooh, think about it. in the cartoon, pooh is someone who sleeps, eats, and engages with friends plenty. 
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these are the things hanyu can’t do, doesn’t have time/energy/incentive for. he is barred from balance in life but can at least admire this little carefree plushie for it. especially because pooh represents eating lots while yuzuru doesn’t have a good relationship with food (he says it doesn’t go well with jumps etc.), hanyu lives vicariously through him. 
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what’s more, you have to see how he throws himself onto others and never wants to let go, yuzuru is extremely cuddly. 
to the degree that mere social customs can’t meet how much he really needs. so, what else can he resort to, he loves mascots and plushies. it’s how the tale goes in japan generally, tough work ethic, high responsibility, high pressure, so people turn to cute fluffy things.
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he always fondles pooh’s head, even pretends he’s come to life so he has someone to snuggle with. i think that his isolated lifestyle doesn’t help. so, he gets his affection at least there, you can see how happy it makes him. and again: he does this all for charity.
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that’s why fellow skaters are so important to hanyu. it really brings out his social spirit and comforts him best, it’s so wholesome. i’ve not seen someone react so relieved to being embraced, like he’s not been touched for months. skating this, skating that. at the end of the day, hanyu wants love.
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as he once said, what motivates him is to express himself in the first place. hanyu is a romantic. it’s written all over him. it reflects in his music choices, his elegant motion, how he designs his outfits:
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… and how thoughtfully he talks about marriage. he has big plans for starting a family and coaching after he retires. i won’t be the only one squeezing lucky charm pooh in my imagination so it turns out well for him. please make this heart of gold heal and see all his wishes come true ♡🐻
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imp-furiosa · 3 years
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been seeing a lot of bad takes comparing real life politics, particularly in the last week, to star wars or harry potter and I think I know the underlying issue
I mean, the issue aside from people being so buried in just one major source of media and especially one that has been so heavily tailored to sell stuff
the issue is that in both of these franchises, politics all gets boiled down to intensely interpersonal relationships to the point that a single death of a named character means much much more than a horrific act of genocide--and the narrative/author treats it that way so much that we may as well assume they feel that way too
many Potter fans love Snape. abusive, racist, sycophant of the wizard-hitler up until wizard-hitler killed his crush. so then he bides his time until he can get revenge in some manner and we’re supposed to understand that as some ultimate romantic nonsense and completely redeeming. never mind what he facilitated and how that arguably in part led to the death of the Potters. never mind that these teachers are just out here teaching power to kids and it’s just sort of understood/hoped that they’ll be good about using their powers or that Dumbledore will have the sense to find them in a moment of conflict to provide a one-on-one sort of ethics lesson. the institution of Hogwarts is absolutely fucked as far as providing a social framework for how and why to use magic in a responsible manner
the star wars scene that stands out to me as especially illuminating of this is in Revenge of the Sith when Anakin and Obi-Wan fight on Mustafar. Kenobi tells him Palpatine is evil and his response is that “from my point of view the Jedi are evil.” the whole story arc of the prequels hinges on Anakin’s relationships, particularly to Padme. Palpatine claims to want to help Anakin save her and the Jedi believe his attachment is immoral. but while it provides a personal motivation, and is a halfway decent condemnation of the sort of thing that’s wrong with the Jedi Order, we don’t really touch in any way about what sort of systemic stuff is going on or what any actual politics are aside from Palpatine wanting dictatorial power from an American-esque representative chamber
there’s no systemic analysis. and thus many people who enjoy these works are not taking any sort of lesson about how systems work to oppress people from them. it leads directly to a mentality of fight the people you don’t like because they’re evil because you don’t like them because they’re evil... it’s why even now Pence’s image in the eyes of liberals is partially rehabilitated because he simply did nothing to help Trump’s coup attempt. Pence is a monster, has been a monster, was a monster before Trump was ever on the political scene. but he’s literally being compared to Snape in some circles right now as admirable
on the flip side, Fury Road grounds EVERYTHING in what’s happening systemically--who controls the cars, the gasoline, the water, the very blood and bodies of the people? it’s intricately tied into the plot and the culmination of the movie, from the personal relationships to the structure of the world, is about reworking the the system. we see it in Max donating his blood to Furiosa in an intensely intimate moment. we see it in water being released to the masses in a grand and victorious gesture destroying the status quo
what I’m getting at is systems are set up to turn people into tools to continue to perpetuate that system. it doesn’t matter if you personally like a politician or not, you have to step away from that and see them as a tool of the system just as much as they see you as a tool (a vote) to get them elected. is this or that particular tool doing things to oppress you? are they fighting for your material well being? are they saying they’re fighting for you but actually advocating policy that will oppress you?
we need to understand politics as our relationship to the arrangement of power structures if we’re ever going to actually have those structures serve us. and more likely we need to recognize they were not built to serve us and we will only be served by destroying the structures and building new ones
finding a Snape or even a Harry Potter to cheer for will never accomplish that
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huacheng-zhu · 4 years
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ok so 2ha. vague spoilers ahead (important spoilers are warned but watch out)
that’s a solid 4.5/5 for me. this novel RUINED me and I loved it for it. it made me feel like very few novels (and even stories in general) did. today I’m STILL shaken over a part of it that I read two days ago, despite the happy ending. I have A Lot of thoughts (shout-out to @whateverwuxian​ who can testify that I couldn’t shut up about it, love you buddy!!) so I just went ahead and [gestures below]
starting with the negative so we can enjoy all the positive later. feel free to discuss but I’m extra sensitive and these are only my personal feelings so they probably won’t change anyway, so be nice please!
what I didn't like:
too many r*pe scenes. I get that the non-con """makes sense""" narratively and thematically but like. they didn't have to be explicit. at the very least not all of them. sorry but too much is too much. there are more non-con sex scenes/flashbacks than consensual sex scenes! stop! we get it! enough now!
not a fan of a 26yo falling in love with a 16yo. if cwn had initiated Anything I would’ve thrown the novel out the window. but thankfully it didn’t happen, I got invested, and nothing mutual happened until mo ran was 22, so I mostly got over it, but I’m still somewhat uncomfortable with it for very personal reasons.
their first time putting it in. it felt so unfair and I was very upset over it. it could’ve worked without going There? why. was that necessary. and it's heartbreaking for both of them, because mo ran didn't want to do it either. he wanted them to take all their time. he wanted to go step by step. all he wanted was to make sure cwn would be happy and comfortable and never hurt again in bed. for their first time that way he wanted it to be special. but it was just. taken away from them, and for what? for nothing there’s absolutely no reason for it. I get there’s the metaphorical foreshadowing of the upcoming reveal aspect (spoilers) both of them not consenting, mo ran being horrified -> the reveal that mo ran was cursed and so would’ve never wanted to treat cwn like this in the past either if he’d had control (end spoilers) but still?? and it’s never brought up again? I know they don’t get the time until the very end but hhhh. yeah I have Feelings over this
some plot twists hit good emotionally but had no point? thinking of the one about xue meng here.
there’s horny, and then there’s mo ran. it’s not a bad thing, it’s just not the kind of stuff I like reading about and book 1 and 2 are A Lot on that side so in book 2 after a while ME, THE BIGGEST ASEXUAL WHO COULDN’T CARE LESS ABOUT SEX SCENES, WAS LIKE, ��oh my god have mercy please just fuck already I beg of you” and indeed they chilled a bit after that. like they were still horny but. less intensely and less all the fucking time. thank god (I still think the farm arc was hilarious to witness though, and I did love it)
kinda wish their reunion at the end was longer and more emotional but that’s just because I love that shit
(spoilers) kinda wish we got to see shi mei again before he went off doing his blind wandering doctor stuff. a talk with ranwan would’ve been very interesting. (end spoilers)
xue meng didn’t get a hug
that one thing at the end you know the one. maybe I'd be more into it if it'd been given time to be explored seriously and wasn't played off as a joke. it kinda ruined the mood of their last scene for me. (spoilers spoilers spoilers this is the end of this section if you don’t want to get spoiled) in that scene I wanted chu wanning to ride off into the sunset with mo ran, not txj. like, txj is the alternate world’s “if there had been no transmigration” version of mo ran 2.0. the whole point is that mo ran IS txj in book 1, but changes and becomes mo ran 2.0. mo ran 2.0, who by the end of the novel has already done all the redemption and deconstruction of his dubious habits. who he was as txj is long behind him. at this point txj will always be a part of who he was, but they are pretty much two 'different' people now. txj disappearing into dust after everything that happens at the end was beautiful symbolism. it meant something. to me there was no point keeping txj around after all that other than for “haha split personalities fighting over cwn’s attention uwu” THAT SAID the fact I'm not a fan of the idea doesn't mean I don't like txj. I care txj a lot and have Emotions over him, and I will definitely eventually explore this in my writing
(still spoilers) the demonic blood reveal was a bit.... deus ex machina? plus I personally would've preferred mo ran staying a regular person (end spoilers)
alright what I liked now:
the themes, both regarding the characters and the various plot elements. this novel really challenges your morals and what you think is right or wrong, what’s redeemable, what’s punishable, and how much one relies on first impressions, amongst other things. this novel is the definition of “don’t judge a book by its cover” but also “look further than the first page” in so many ways
the romance. like I don’t need to say anything there. just, the slow burn, the longing, the yearning, the romance [clutches heart]
the plot twists/reveals. I’m so glad I was barely spoiled (I was spoiled two Big things but very vaguely so I was still surprised) because pretty much all of them had me shouting “WHAT” and/or gaping and/or various “what the fuck!!!”/”holy SHIT”/“NO” reactions
the way a lot of those reveals just completely change your view on things/characters?? that’s my jam
wontons. that was the first time I cried and my first very physical reaction to an event in this novel. I literally felt like time froze. I heard my heart beating. it was painful but AMAZING.
might be nothing in the grand scheme of things but honestly, all the food! I love that mo ran is an excellent cook and can make all those delicious dishes for cwn. as someone who loves to cook for their loved ones I think it’s so lovely that he gets to do that
the character growth. for everyone, but mo ran in particular? like I just. I started off not liking mo ran very much, straight up despising him at times, and in the end I was fucking sobbing over him and cried myself to sleep only to wake up in the middle of the night to cry some more so there’s that
chu wanning? there were aspects of him that I related to heavily, and that felt both like the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known and very special because it doesn’t happen to me that often
the whole deaging arc. that was deaging done right and it had a purpose in the narrative and their relationship growth, I was “!!!!”
I LOVE how they took their time with EVERYTHING once they got together? that it spanned over several weeks? that it started with the confession, then just holding hands, then kissing, then making out, then sex, and even the sex was step by step! it said A LOT about mo ran’s character growth and it respected SO MUCH the fact that cwn is a 32yo (unrelated but (spoilers) I like to argue that yeah he’s been alive for 32 years but when you’ve been asleep and not aging physically nor growing mentally for five years in a way that makes you a 27yo. so when he calls his body “mature and old” and compares himself to shi mei I’m just. buddy your body is just three years older than shi mei’s there’s barely any difference in maturity right there. I know it’s your lack of self-worth speaking, and believe me I get it, but don’t be so hard on yourself. (end spoilers) anyway, this is an unimportant and unrelevant thought that I had during the mirror scene) who has no experience in any of these things whatsoever. he's not pushed into sex like he's going to be comfortable right off the bat and like it isn’t such a big change in a life that’s been ascetic so far. mo ran is aware of that! and when they have their first time mo ran, who’s been maybe even more horny than cwn all this time - seriously horny is that guy’s middle name, who initiated the sex, what does he say!!! "don't worry about me, tonight, I just want to make you feel good"??? mo ran?? your character development??? I appreciated that so much.
the pain. I’m still bleeding on the floor despite the happy ending but yeah. I like angst and I was not disappointed. it didn’t feel that gratuitious to me, more like, brutally honest? I don’t cry that easily but by the end I think I’d cried, what, close to ten times??
quite a few excellent quotes [lies down] “I realized - I had grown into the you in my heart”?? “hell is too cold”??? I highlighted more but those two are the ones that always come to my mind first
most of the time the flashbacks were perfectly inserted for maximum emotional damage and I respect that skill
xue zhengyong. like he’s not my favourite, my favourites are xue meng, nangong si and ye wangxi but? I just adored him so he gets a special mention
the side characters? like, I legit loved Everyone? when I cry over side characters you know it’s serious
THE CONFESSION SCENE. LIKE. HOLY SHIT MY HEART. it comes reaaally close to the vocal one (because hua cheng confesses so many times without words) at the end of tgcf for me. it was beautiful. I was so emotional. the fact that cwn can't say it no matter how much he feels it. like it's always been plain and clear just how much he loves mo ran. but he can't say the words yet and I just. the fact that mo ran gets it? that he doesn't need the words, just that squeeze of fingers, just what cwn is, at that moment, able to give him, and it doesn't mean less to him than words would? it hit home real hard
unless I think of something else, that’s about it! I can’t recommend 2ha enough, that said, I beg of you, heed the warnings. they are NOT overstated. and even if there were no warnings, take care anyways. the angst is serious, it haunts you. angst always makes me feel like my chest is being squeezed and that’s precisely the feeling I’m looking for when I choose to read angst. I have good tolerance to it, so despite not doing entirely well lately, I thought I was tough and went for it, but I’m a CLOWN. the way it’s written ruins you. this morning despite reading the hardest part of the angst on saturday evening, I still had some physical chest pain. so I recommend it with all my heart, but take care of yourselves. 2ha doesn’t fuck around.
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alexadru · 4 years
Text
White Knight - Pay & Play to Win (Fate Grand Order edition)
Weiss had often wondered what made Ruby waste so much of her time on her scroll and when she had asked the question one day, her leader had simply shown her.
Fate Grand Order. 
That was the title of the mobile game Ruby was sinking at least a couple of hours a week. Time which she could have spent improving her grades and becoming a better leader. The young girl was the face of team RWBY, after all, and Weiss would not settle for less than the very best.
That said, she did not have any particular complaints about her progress over the months, but she disagreed with all the time she was wasting pointlessly on a silly game. 
A fact which she voiced without any restraint and which incurred another childish (in Weiss' opinion) argument between the two girls.
Ruby: "It's not childish! It's based on the greatest heroes from Earth's history, their stories and it has many life lessons. Plus, it's fun."
Weiss simply shook her head at the absurdity of her argument. She found it hard to believe that some fictional characters and their half thought out stories could ensnare people into playing that game for hours.
Ruby: "Why don't you give it a try first before you say it's childish? I bet you'll change your mind."
Another absurdity uttered by her partner, but, against her better judgement, Weiss, decided to give the game a try. If nothing else, but to prove Ruby wrong. 
After an entire week and a lot of wear to her scroll's battery, Weiss would have an epiphany and would, begrudgingly, agree with Ruby. This game was fun.
From the intriguing story, the likes of which Weiss had never seen or read to the beautiful art of the characters, the heiress could say she was hooked. She continued to play regularly, enjoying the experience as she continued to make progress through the story.
Weiss had not reached the point where she would spend money to get certain characters like she had heard from Ruby that some players did. That was until she saw him and she literally fell in love.
After spending a substantial portion of her allowance to get him when he was in the gacha, her joy could be heard across campus as she literally screamed like a fangirl when he answered her summons.
Her object of adoration? The servant Saber, King Arthur. He was everything she dreamed about. From his kind, loyal and slightly playful attitude to his charming, soft looks which made her blush every time he'd give a smile when she would level him up.
These were all traits that she had voiced quite often to her team, which was present in the room on the day the Weiss alarm rang for the first time. Weiss talked so casually about the game these days that it showed just how much she was sucked into this world.
One Saturday, as Weiss was farming like mad for materials to make her prince perfect, Ruby said something that changed her perception on life.
Ruby: "Hey, Weiss. Don't you think that Arthur is kind of like Jaune?" The girl commented as she busied herself leveling up a well known red Archer.
The innocent remark was met with the heiress looking up from the device abruptly, ready to refute the claim and defend the knight. However, Weiss stopped short to consider her words for a few moments. Moments which turned into seconds which then turned into minutes. Her eyes widened as if she reached a revelation. 
Ruby... was right! 
Abruptly, she jumped on her feet and walked out of the room with hurried steps. The rest of team RWBY heard her knock on JNPR's door. It opened moments later.
From the other side, Jaune had answered with a bit of apprehension. It wasn't often that someone would knock so loudly on his team's dorm room, except for Nora when she'd forget her scroll. What he didn't expect to see in front of his eyes was the familiar figure of his former(?) crush which he was trying to move on from with little success.
Jaune: "Weiss? Is everything alright…" The boy didn't get to finish as her hand grabbed his wrist, earning his full attention.
Weiss: "Come with me for a bit!" 
Unable to resist, he was dragged away by the small girl. Weiss had surprised him by how strong her grip was as she led him somewhere. The poor boy was caught so off guard, he couldn't do anything.
30 minutes later, Jaune found himself in the changing room of a store. It wasn't an ordinary store, however, but one that specialised in cosplay. Outfits belonging to famous fictional characters were sold here and for some reason, he found himself ready to change into one.
Of all the places in Vale, he did not expect the girl to bring him here. Nevermind the fact that she had given him an outfit and was told to try on, something from a game Ruby played if he remembered correctly. 
It was very unusual from the normally serious Weiss he knew. Still, he begrudgingly started undressing and putting on the outfit, having a new-found appreciation for the people who enjoyed cosplaying.
Weiss waited outside the changing room for 10 minutes, her mind a jumbled mess of thoughts. All ranging from curiosity about how Jaune would look to her slightly panicking that she acted so out of character and dragged him without giving a single explanation.
Looking at her feet she considered her thoughts about the boy and found that she didn't know how to feel about him. Given what occurred in the last few months, Weiss genuinely didn't know the nature of their relationship. She never thought of him much before and only recently started noticing him.
Her head snapped back up when she heard the door open.
Jaune had exited the changing room looking awkward. His steps were hesitant as if he didn't know how to walk properly in the extravagant armor. Oddly enough, despite having more layers on him, he felt a lot more exposed as if a lot more eyes were on him. Which could very well be the case, the store was huge and packed with other customers.
In his personal opinion, when Jaune checked himself in the mirror before exiting, he found that the look suited him. The blue went well with his eyes and while the silver armor was not that special, the gold accents brought everything together, matching his hair as a bonus. 
However, he looked nervously at the girl who had dragged him here. Jaune didn't know why, but he felt that she had done this for a reason and while she didn't share that reason, he hoped that he didn't disappoint her.
Weiss was quiet. Almost unusually so, despite her normally verbose self. She had seen the boy exit the changing room, donning the clothes she had picked for him and her mind came to a halt.
Baby blue eyes danced around, drinking in the sight of Jaune cosplaying the prince of her dreams. The boy who had both annoyed her the most and had been the kindest to her.
Weiss: "Jaune, would you smile for me, please?" She requested quitely.
Jaune: "What?" He didn't have a good feeling about the situation. Not with how quiet Weiss was being, her previous scrutinising gaze only adding to his nervousness.
Weiss: "Just… just give me your best charming smile."
And her weird requests kept coming. Jaune was smart enough to not question them, so he did as she requested. He tried to smile once, but it felt shaky, so he stopped, took a deep breath and tried again, his thoughts on how the beautiful girl in front of him made him feel before.
Weiss' breath hitched in her chest as she looked at him. It was impossible how well he fit the look. Everything from the blonde hair, his tall and lean physique to his boyish face was a near exact match to the Saber Servant. The only discrepancy was the eye color, deep blue instead of aqua. No less perfect in her vision.
Her face burned.
The old saying turned out to be true. The clothes did make the man and in this case, they made Jaune into her dream.
Jaune: "Weiss?" He stopped smiling and was a bit worried that she had yet to say anything. 
His words seemed to have been a wake up call as she acted almost immediately. Abruptly, her small hands pushed Jaune back until he was inside the changing room again. The surprise gesture made him trip and fall on his butt inside the small room.
Weiss had followed him inside with no hesitation. After closing the door, she wasted no time in straddling him by sitting in his lap and giving him a deep, hot kiss, catching him completely off guard.
They broke it off after nearly a minute. The two panted as they struggled to regain their breaths, Weiss managing to do so much quicker.
Jaune: "W-weiss? Why di…?" To say he was shocked was an understatement. This went beyond anything he expected to happen when she had dragged him with her.
Weiss: "Where have you been all my life?" Her purring voice nearly made him melt from all the affection it held.
Jaune: "I-I've literally been asking you out for weeks." Did she really not notice him all those times?
Weiss: "Nevermind that. What matters now is that we're here and we can do whatever we want." To prove her point, she had wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned forward until her body was pressed completely against his, feeling everything. She pressed her forehead against his, the intense gaze in her eyes sent shivers down his spine.
Jaune: "I think I need an adult…" As freaked out as he was by her gesture, he could not deny the butterflies he felt in his stomach or how hot his cheeks felt. Weiss Schnee had kissed him and it made his heart start a marathon in his chest.
Weiss: "I'll make a King out of you." With a slow, sensual lick, she wet her lips and captured his again. This time, her fingers went through his hair as she got lost in the sensation. Weiss nearly moaned when she felt his hands on her slim waist, pulling her closer as he began reciprocating.
They continued like this until the staff found them and kicked them out for indecency. Weiss managed to somehow buy the outfit anyway, though. 
Now they simply walked around Vale with the heiress hugging his right arm to her body closely and leaning her head against it. The boy blushed all the way, but remained quiet. 
The day had only begun for them.
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womenstan · 3 years
Text
Heaven In Hiding - Nooreva
https://archiveofourown.org/works/28058616
Two friends, a mind-blowing kiss and a misunderstanding.
red colored lips and narrow hips
angel dusted hair and skin so fair
take my hand and make me blush
seal my lips and let me touch
Parties were fun. Objectively, Eva knew that. There was booze, music and available mouths to latch onto. So, yes, usually parties were fun. Except this one wasn’t.
See, since Jonas, Eva had never been able to find a stable relationship. That was fine back in high school, when most parties consisted of random people hooking up in bathrooms and throwing up in bushes. But now, Eva was a little older and, most importantly, the only single one in her friend group. Isak had Even, Chris was inexplicably still with Kasper and Vilde… well Vilde was probably holed up in a corner of the living room meowing at Magnus. Sana and Yousef were the only ones who weren’t constantly busy eating each other’s faces and, thus, could have an actual conversation with Eva. However, they had decided to spend the winter break visiting Yousef’s family in Morocco, leaving Eva on her own in a sea of unbearable couples. Even fucking Jonas had managed to find a girlfriend to bring to the party (granted, at least those two weren’t all over each other yet , but it wasn’t like Eva could interpose herself between Jonas and his new conquest without things getting a little awkward).
So, while everyone was cheerfully decorating christmas ornaments, dancing on the make-shift dance floor or making out on Isak and Even’s worn-out couch, Eva was alone in the kitchen, gulfing down little pâtés and drinking her third… no fourth… glass of wine. To be fair, she didn’t even want to come in the first place! But Vilde had guilt-tripped her into coming by saying that Isak would be disappointed if she didn’t show - which, bullshit, as Isak seemed much more preoccupied with reaching the depths of his boyfriend’s throat than with Eva’s presence. It’s not like Eva wasn’t happy for all of them, of course she was, they were her friends! So, yes, she was glad that they were all getting some on the regular, but she did feel alone from time to time. Like tonight.
If only Noora was here…
No. Nope. Bad idea. Eva was not going to go down memory lane right now. There’s no way she was even gonna let her brain try to remember that kiss. Fuck. Here we go.
Truth was, Eva was never good at dealing with her problems and her emotions. Her motto was ‘ignore it and when you can’t anymore, drink it away’. Usually, that worked quite well, as her intoxicated brain tended to be more horny than anything else. But this one particular memory seemed to always find a way to sneak its way up to the front of her thoughts, especially on nights like this where she was feeling particularly lonely. The memory in and of itself wasn’t a bad one, god no. It was probably her fondest memory to date. No, the problem wasn’t the memory, it was what happened after the memory.
---------------
See, at the end of her first year at Nissen, Eva had gone to a party at William’s house with all of her friends. Eva didn’t like William very much, but if there was one quality that man possessed, it was knowing how to throw a good fucking party. The music was great, the view from his rooftop was incredible and, most importantly, the supply of alcohol was never-ending. So, of course, to honour the gods of wine, Eva decided to steal a bottle for herself. At first, she was planning to drink it slowly as the night went on and, thus, avoid having to go back to the table for refills. Brilliant, of course. What Eva had not planned for was to immediately spot Jonas making out with Sara in the middle of the rooftop, the sun shining directly on them, as if to taunt her. It wasn’t even necessarily that Eva wasn’t over Jonas : she still loved him dearly, but she had grieved their relationship by this point. No, it was more that Eva felt lonely and undesired. The one combo that always leads to her making mistakes. It took Eva a total of fifteen seconds for her brain to compute that this was, in fact, Jonas kissing down Sara’s throat and not an eerily similar (and equally eager) doppelgänger. Then, she was back inside in a matter of milliseconds.
She sat down in the relative darkness under the stairs that led to the rooftop, gulping down her bottle of wine faster than Dionysus ever could. She sighed, closing her eyes and letting her head fall backwards on the ramp. The position wasn’t exactly comfortable, but it was bearable, which Eva felt reflected well her internal feelings. So, she stayed seated there, drinking from her wine bottle, alone and lonely.
And that’s exactly how Noora found her some time later, her bottle now almost emptied, her eyelids heavy under the added weight of the alcohol circulating through her body. Noora, beautiful, kind, considerate, Noora, squatted down to Eva’s level slowly, a careful look on her face, as if she was approaching a wild animal. To be fair, that’s probably what Eva looked like right now, curled in on herself, holding the bottle of wine like a lifeline.
‘Er du ok?’ Noora asked, trying to meet Eva’s eyes with her own.
Slowly, Eva raised her head, looking at Noora for a grand total of one second before bursting into tears. Noora let out a soft sigh and crouched down next to Eva, bringing her arm up around her and squeezing Eva into her side thightly.
‘Do you want to talk about it?’, Noora whispered near Eva’s ear. Eva tried to answer and, instead, let out a pathetic whimper, which only made Noora bring up her other arm around Eva’s sobbing form. Their position was far from ideal, but Noora didn’t seem to mind as she held Eva through her crying fit and Eva certainly didn’t mind, burying her head in Noora’s neck and inhaling her soft lavender perfume. Eva’s sobs slowly turned into quiet tears, the only sound interrupting the silence hanging in the air being Eva’s slight sniffles as she tried to compose herself. Once she felt like she could actually utter a word without tears flowing down her cheeks, Eva began to reluctantly move out of Noora’s comforting embrace. Noora let her go slowly, kissing her head tenderly before wiping away the mascara that had run down Eva’s face with the pad of her thumbs. Eva was a bit embarrassed, but as she held Noora’s gaze, searching for a hint of annoyance, all she found was tenderness, love and maybe a little bit of worry.
Shakily, Eva let out a ‘Ja, I’m okay’, her voice barely a whisper, but Noora heard it anyway. The corners of her mouth pulled up into a soft smile and she nodded slowly, her eyes set on Eva’s.
‘I’m sorry for…’ Eva began, gesturing around, ‘this. I was just tired of being lonely and unworthy of love and I guess my feelings chose this moment to come out’.
Noora’s smile faltered a bit and Eva felt worry constrict her heart. Had she said too much? Maybe Noora had finally gotten tired of all of Eva’s whining and complaining? Eva lowered her head in shame, telling herself off mentally.
‘Eva. Eva, look at me,’ said Noora, lifting Eva’s chin softly with her index. Noora waited until Eva found the strength to look back into her eyes, before she went on, ‘You’re the best person I know. You’re a caring, smart, funny person who’s worthy of all the love there is in this world. If someone thinks otherwise, then they’re wrong, because I know anyone would be lucky to have the privilege to love you.’
By the end of Noora’s short speech, tears were back in Eva’s eyes. But those weren’t tears of sadness, even though Eva didn’t quite know what emotions she was feeling. Her heart was beating so fast that she thought it would fly out of her chest, her head was spinning slightly (although that could simply be the wine) and she felt hoards of butterflies spreading their wings in the pit of her stomach. Inadvertently, Eva’s gaze dropped to Noora’s perfectly reddened lips. Her lips that looked so soft, so inviting in this dim lighting. Her lips, whose mere view ignited a fire within Eva’s body and a true tornado inside her mind. When Eva raised her eyes back up to Noora’s, the intensity she could read in them led her to believe that Noora’s body might be sending her similar signals. For a moment, they just looked into each other’s eyes, but it wasn’t tender anymore. The tension between them was palpable and Eva felt her own head slowly gravitate towards Noora’s, as if an invisible string was bringing them together. Noora’s head seemed to follow the same path, as they both made their way towards each other, never breaking eye contact. Once their lips were mere millimeters away, Eva moved her head back slightly to be able to gaze into Noora’s eyes properly.
‘Anyone?’, she asked, her voice barely audible as every muscle in her body had seemingly turned to liquid in Noora’s proximity.
Noora’s eyes seemed to search for something in Eva’s own for a moment, but they found what they were looking for fast enough and Noora whispered back ‘Anyone’.
It was like that one word set something off in Eva’s brain, because next thing she knew, she was closing off the last bit of space between their lips.
Eva had been kissed before, enough that she actually considered herself experienced in the matter. Kissing was fun, very fun even, but it was nothing compared to what Eva was experiencing right now.
As soon as their lips collided, it felt like her brain imploded. Every bit of her body was on fire and the only thought going through her head was ‘More. More. More.’ What began as a chaste kiss quickly turned into more, both of them unable to satiate their own bodies. Noora raised her left hand, caressing Eva’s face as she licked into her mouth, deepening the kiss. Fireworks were going off behind Eva’s eyelids and it felt as if time had stopped. Eva twisted her hands in Noora’s hair, trying to get impossibly closer, melting into her arms. Noora followed suit, letting her right hand toy with the hair on Eva’s neck. At that sensation, Eva let out a whimper she was automatically ashamed of, but the shame rapidly turned into pride as she felt Noora smile slightly into her mouth. Eva let her hands wander down Noora’s body, before settling on her hip, just under her black blouse. Noora slowly started to lower herself down, bringing Eva along, when the door to the rooftop burst open. The two girls jumped apart, frightened. William and Chris stumbled down the stairs, teasing each other loudly, before coming to an abrupt halt once they noticed the two girls holed up under the stairs.
‘What are you girls doing down there?’ William asked, looking more confused than anything else.
Noora’s gaze was burning into the side of Eva’s head, but Eva refused to meet her eyes. She knew what was coming. Noora had let herself go for a minute, but she was probably already regretting it. Who would choose messy, unstable, untrustworthy Eva over perfect, steady, beloved William? Eva knew it, she even understood it, but she still had enough pride to try to avoid direct rejection at all cost.
‘Oh, girl problems, you know’ Eva tried to joke, letting out a small laugh that almost sounded like a sob. William and Chris exchanged a look, before seemingly deciding it wasn’t worth further questioning.
‘Ok… Well Noora, do you wanna come up?’, William asked, ‘I’ve got a slow dance lined up that has your name on it’, he added before winking.
Noora’s eyes still didn’t move from Eva as she said, hesitantly, ‘I’m not sure William… We were kind of in the middle of something…’ Fearing that Noora would want to talk about it , Eva quickly got up, dusting off her pants and quickly mumbling an excuse about her mother coming home unexpectedly before practically running out of the front door. The last thing she heard was a disbelieving laugh and a ‘What the hell?’ coming from Chris, but she was fast down the street before anyone could think of going after her, tears streaming down her face, her shattered heart left on William’s immaculate penthouse floor.
The couple next days were a blur of hangovers, tears and troubled dreams. A week later, Eva’s mom came home and she decided Eva had moped enough. She sat on her bed, sighing as she saw the continuous stream of tears that had established a permanent residence on Eva’s cheeks. She bent down slightly and caressed Eva’s hair tenderly, which only resulted in making her cry even more.
‘Love, what happened?’, her mother asked, her tone serious and worried.
Eva simply buried her face deeper into her pillow, shaking her head.
‘Whatever it is, Eva, hiding alone in your room won’t solve it’, her mom said.
Eva sighed and spoke into her pillow. ‘Well maybe I won’t solve it, but at least I can avoid it’.
Her mom’s caresses came to a halt and she hoisted Eva up into a sitting position, despite the girl’s protests. Once Eva was sitting up, crossed-legged, her mom brushed away the dirty strands of hair that were falling in her face and firmly gripped her face with both hands.
‘Eva, listen to me for once. Avoiding your problems is not a solution. Avoiding your problems only lets them grow and grow and grow, until you inevitably have to confront them. It’s better to face a small stone than to climb a mountain.’ Eva let out a small laugh at that metaphor, ‘Go face your pebble Eva, before its weight becomes too much for you to bear.’ Eva’s mom smiles at her softly and Eva can’t help herself but smile back.
‘You know mom, sometimes, you actually have good advice,’ Eva teased her mom, now fully grinning.
Her mom raised her hand to her chest in faux offense shouting ‘How DARE you insult your mother like that, huh? How dare you?’, before starting to tickle Eva, sending the both of them into a fit of laughter.
Maybe her mom was right, maybe if Eva faced Noora right now, things could still be fixed between them.
The next day, Eva showed up to the Kollektivet with a bag full of their favourite snacks and a new hope blossoming in her chest. She knocked on the door and wasn’t at all surprised when an overjoyed Eskild opened the door for her.
‘Hi! Hi! Come in, come in! To what do I owe this pleasure?’ Eskild inquired, a bright grin on his face.
Eva’s grin was probably just as big as she answered, ‘Oh, I’m coming to see Noora!’
However, her grin fell rapidly once she saw Eskild’s expression turn into one of slight discomfort.
‘Ehrm… How do I say this… I really thought she would have told you… Especially you…’ Eskild went on as he started to nervously move around the kitchen.
Eva felt panic rise in her chest as she imagined the worst scenarios. ‘Eskild! ESKILD!’, Eva shouted, finally getting Eskild to stop pacing around anxiously, ‘Just tell me.’
Eskild schooled his face and put a comforting hand on Eva’s shoulder. In his eyes, all Eva could see was pity. ‘She… ehrm… Noora left for London last night, Eva’
Eva felt as if her brain had short-circuited. Maybe she had misheard? What on Earth would Noora be doing in London anyway? ‘In London? Why would she go to London? Are you sure?’, Eva asked, her voice betraying her growing worry.
Eskild just looked at her for a moment and it clicked in Eva’s mind. ‘William’, she said. It wasn’t a question, but Eskild still had the decency to nod.
‘Do you…’, Eskild started, ‘Do you want some tea? Biscuits?’, he rummaged around in the cupboards before turning back around and adding, ‘We don’t actually have biscuits. Or tea. I can get you water?’
Eva quickly declined and made her exit. As she walked to the bus stop, she was expecting more tears. She was expecting to feel betrayed, sad, angered even. But she just felt empty, numb, lonely. Just so fucking lonely.
-------------
Now, here she was, over two years later and absolutely no sign of life from Noora. Eva had tried to feel bitter at her, to hate her, but she never could. Whatever she had felt in the seconds they had kissed had forever sealed Noora into her heart. Now, every other hookup felt too boring, too unappealing. Hence why she was here, at this party, alone. It didn’t even matter that she didn’t have a guy to fool around with, because no matter if she was truly alone or not, Eva constantly felt lonely. A loneliness that had set camp in the Noora shaped hole in her chest.
Noora’s sudden disappearance from Eva’s life had made such an impact that, sometimes, Eva would find herself hearing her voice as clear as day, then turning around with excitement only to realize she had been mistaken.
Like right now, for example, as Eva could swear she clearly hears Noora’s voice coming from the living room. Except Noora is in London with her boyfriend and definitely not at this christmas party.
‘Hi! Or should I say… H?’ a sudden voice speaks from behind Eva.
Eva is so startled that, as she turns around, she lets her wine cup slip out of her hand and onto the floor (good thing Isak and Even’s cups are all made of plastic, huh), spilling red coloured liquid all over the floor. Eva’s dress and her shoes get stained, but Eva couldn’t care less.
She couldn’t care less, because standing in front of her, in the flesh, is none other than Noora. Noora and her eternal bright red lipstick, smiling shyly at her. Eva is so stunned that she simply freezes and stares at Noora, her mouth slightly agape and her brain working overtime to try and compute the situation.
Noora doesn’t push, simply staring at Eva and fiddling anxiously with strands of her hair.
When, finally, Eva realizes that Noora is really standing in front of her and that this isn’t another one of those pesky dreams, she feels all of the emotions she had suppressed for the past two years flood back to the surface. She lets out a watery ‘Noora?’ as tears pile up in her eyes. Noora’s smile drops slightly as her eyes, still so kind and so affectionate, take in Eva’s state.
‘Can we talk? Privately?’ Noora asks carefully, testing the waters.
Eva doesn’t even have time to mull over the question before her mouth lets out a ‘Of course’ and before she knows it, she’s leading Noora down the hallway and into the bedroom. Once they’re both in, Eva closes the door behind them and slowly turns to face Noora.
She’s sitting on the bed, her legs crossed, looking down at her hands laying in her lap. Eva is simply standing by the door, entirely unsure of what to do in this situation. The longer she just stands there, the more the awkwardness between them grows and at one point, Eva can’t take it. She marches rapidly to the bed and sits down unceremoniously. There’s another long moment of silence between them, as neither seems to know where to go from there. Eva sighs loudly and starts ‘Look, I don’t know why you think you can just disappear for two fucking years without giving me news and then come back as if-’
Her speech is interrupted by Noora’s lips crashing into hers with full force, which does hurt a little bit, but the pain is rapidly overcome by pleasure. This time, it’s anything but slow and soft. Two years of pent up feelings from both sides are released into one moment, leading the kiss to rapidly turn passionate. Noora doesn’t waste any time before slipping her tongue in Eva’s mouth, guiding her to lay down on the bed at the same time. Eva’s hands are roaming Noora’s body under her shirt as she obeys Noora’s silent command and lays back. Eva brings her hands to the front and tries to unbutton Noora’s blouse, unsuccessfully, instead ending up getting stuck in Noora’s hair. Noora yelps slightly from the pain and they break apart for a moment, giggling.
Noora stops her movement on top of Eva and softly caresses her cheek, gazing into her eyes. There, Eva can see nothing has changed from the last time they saw each other. Noora’s eyes are filled with love, tenderness and care. Eva is pretty sure her own eyes reflect the exact same emotions. But in hers, there’s also worry, and she can’t restrain herself from asking the question that’s been swirling around in her brain since she saw Noora again.
‘What about William?’ Eva whispers. Noora looks lovingly into her eyes and slowly traces the outline of her face, down to her jaw. She bends down slightly and brushes her nose with Eva’s fondly. Eva can feel her eyelids drooping just from those little attentions.
‘Fuck William. We’re over.’ Noora answers back in the same hushed voice.
‘Over, over?’ Eva questions back, her tone growing hopeful.
Noora kisses Eva chastely, barely brushing their lips together.
‘Over, over. When I was in London, I felt like a piece of me was missing. I kept trying to fill it with material, friends or even time with William, but nothing worked. I just felt empty,’ Noora begins.
Eva nods along, ‘Yeah, me too. Just hollow.’
Noora smiles sadly, ‘Yeah. About a year in, William and I broke up because I learned that he cheated on me.’ At that, Eva perks up, getting ready to insult him, but Noora puts her index on her lips and brings her back down, effectively shushing her. ‘It’s okay. He’s in the past. But after that, I went to see a therapist to try and figure out why I was feeling this way. To try and be happy again’. As Noora continues to speak, Eva strokes her hair in encouragement. ‘And I slowly came to the realization that… I was in love with you. I am in love with you. And that nothing and no one could fill that emptiness, except you. If you still want me.’ By the end of her sentence, both girls had tears streaming down their faces.
‘Of course I still want you’, Eva assured her. ‘You’re it for me too, you know?’
For a moment, they just stared at each other, smiling goofily. Then, slowly, Noora closed off the distance between their bodies, and their lips. This time, it was much softer. Eva could taste strawberry lipstick and a bit of salty tears on Noora’s lips as they kissed lazily on the bed. They kept kissing as they undressed each other, stubbornly refusing to separate their lips even for one second, despite the added challenge. Eva removed Noora’s bra delicately and as she raised her hand towards her body, the door opened and a shout came from its direction, halting their movements.
‘Oh God No! My eyes!’ Isak screamed, turning around faster than humanly possible. ‘Please tell me you’re not fucking in my bed’ he added, pleadingly. From further down the apartment, a ‘OUR BED!’ came, to which Isak only groaned.
The girls bursted into laughter, Noora falling completely over Eva, incapable of supporting her body through their fit. ‘Oops?’ Eva said coyly, before laughing again. Isak muttered a ‘whatever’ before getting out and closing the door behind him.
Once they were finally able to calm down, the girls decided it might be best for everyone if they continued this Christmas celebration at Eva’s place. They quickly gathered their clothes and left the apartment under cheers from their friends who seemed to find a lot of enjoyment in the girls’ reunion.
That night, Eva and Noora, like young teenagers, fooled around, talked until the early morning hours and fell asleep in each other’s arms. The next morning (and every morning since) they woke up still embracing each other, content, full and, especially, no longer lonely .Two friends, a mind-blowing kiss and a misunderstanding.
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rwbyvein · 3 years
Text
Firen Lhain:  Chapter 602:   Prismatic Confessions:  Part II/III
"So?.." Ruby nervously asked, "what did we decide?"
"Shit." Yang said, "I don't think we decided anything. Oh, yeah, one last thing. Ice queen."
"Must you call me that?!" Weiss scoffed at her.
"Would you prefer Snow Angel?" she asked, and Weiss once again flushed light blue, looking around.
"Jaune calls me that... because..."
"Because your beauty and grace and all of those magical qualities make you irresistibly." Yang said to her.
"You cannot possibly mean?.." Weiss asked.
"I don't know if you've noticed this about me," Yang said leaning down to look her in the eyes, "I'm not shy about saying what I mean."
"So?.." Nora asked, and paused, looking around, "everyone's in love with everyone?.."
Qrow took a drink from his flask, "Ain't love grand?" he asked.
"So?.." Ruby asked, "what do we do?" and a great, pregnant pause followed.
* * *
Jaune looked out into the darkness, enjoying the evening air, when something caught his eye. "Who's there?" he asked, and a shadow moved forward. Her skin changed to reveal Ilia.
"I can't believe you saw me." Ilia voiced.
"Eye-shine." Jaune stated, "And I also know how to see in low-light."
"Know?" Ilia asked, "Isn't eye-shine something certain Faunus are born with?"
"Yes and no." Jaune stated, "Wait, you're Blake's friend from Haven?"
"I would love for her to consider me a friend, but I don't really..."
Jaune held up his hand. "You're friendly." he stated.
"Oh, very much!" she exclaimed.
"So?" Jaune asked, "What brings you here... At Night?"
"Oh... you know... I kind of fucked up. Might have ruined my relationship with her... You know... usual stuff?"
"Oh?" Jaune asked, "A lot of intense stuff happened today."
"You mean the battle?" Ilia asked.
"Is it still today?" Jaune asked, "I've kind of lost track."
"It's before midnight." Ilia voiced, "So, then?.."
"Oh?" Jaune asked, "Four gorgeous amazon warriors just confessed to me... and each other... and we're really not sure what to do about it."
"Oh, who was that?" Ilia asked.
"Oh, you know..." Jaune voiced, "Ruby, Weiss, Yang... Blake..."
With this Ilia's colours started to shift, and Jaune sighed. "I kind of figured that's what this was."
"What this was?" Ilia asked.
"I honestly don't know if this is the best or worst time to confess to her." The two simply stared at each other in the darkness. "But?.." Jaune asked, "You're a reptile Faunus from Menagerie, so you have to be cold."
"I'm used to it." Ilia said.
"I can respect that," Jaune added, "but I'm sure one more body won't change that much." He then stepped to the side and gestured to the door. Ilia paused for a moment before taking a step back. "I guess I should rephrase," Jaune said with more force, but even temper, "GET INSIDE RIGHT NOW!" A shocked look appeared on Ilia's face as Jaune rushed her out of the blue. Despite his size, and heavy armour he moved faster than she could react. He was getting used to charging. He had her on the ground, on her front, arms pinned behind her back before she knew what had happened. The palm of his right hand struck the ground next to her face, and she realized he was holding her with his left hand. Considering that his scabbard was on the left, this meant he was right handed, but it didn't matter how much she struggled, she could not break free. "You have Aura," Jaune whispered into her ear, "but don't know how it works. Don't worry, most people don't. But - I do, and - I know - how - to - use - it. So, here's what's going to happen. You go inside - and confess to Blake, or you go inside as a prisoner."
She didn't say anything in reply, and could barely breath. She tried harder to breathe, but his pressure was holding her down, making it almost impossible to her to take more than the shallowest breath.
"That's on purpose." Jaune said to her. "Let me point out, for a second, that you were here, on - our - balcony - at -night - watching us. I'm going to pick you up, and you'll have five seconds before I start walking towards the house." Ilia then found herself under Jaune's left arm. She struggled a bit to break free, but then quickly gave up. She breathed in a deep as she could, (more than before, but still not fully), as Jaune walked to the house. He used his right hand to open the door, and seeing Blake reading on the couch, threw Ilia into the room.
Ilia's eyes flashed between everyone present, and her skin quickly shifted betweeen several hues. She then looked at Blake. She then looked Jaune in the eyes as he walked towards her, and nearly panicked.
"Speak." Jaune said.
Ilia raised her head to the ceiling, "I LOVE YOU!"
"Thanks." Yang sarcastically said to her, causing Weiss to scoff.
"Let her have her moment."
"Yeah, yeah." Yang said. "Soooo... I've got some questions... but let's see how this works out, first."
Blake quietly closed her book and deliberately stood up. She breathed in deep. "I should have known... I guess... maybe I did... but..."
"But," Ilia voiced, and hung her head, "you, seem to love everyone, but me."
"That's," Blake voiced, "a bit of an exaggeration."
"A bit?" Ren asked.
"Okay," Nora added, "it's not EVERYONE. Only like..." she said as she started counting.
"Fourty percent." Ren stated.
"Yeah!" Nora shouted, "I think..."
Blake breathed in deep. "I REALLY didn't need this today."
"I..." Ilia tried to say.
"The fact," Yang interrupted, "that Jaune LITERALLY threw you into the room kind of implies it wasn't really your idea."
"She was spying." Jaune stated, "Or pining. Whether or not Blake forgives her for whatever it is not my call, but we couldn't just leave her out there spying on us."
"Forgive you?" Blake asked
"Are they always like this?" Oscar whispered to Qrow.
"Sh." Qrow replied, "We're in a shark cage. Stay in the cage."
"But?.." Oscar voiced."
"Stay - " Qrow quietly stated, "in the cage. Let them work this out on their own."
Blake closed her eyes a few times, with the corners shimmering. "I don't know if I can forgive you, because it's not about forgiveness."
"Then what is it about?!" Ilia asked. "I'm sorr..."
"It's about whether you understand how wrong what you were doing was." Blake said, "What bothered me the most is that you fell down the wrong path."
"And, if I follow you?" Ilia asked, and tears started flowing down Blake's cheeks.
"Assuming I know what the right path is?!" Blake shouted.
"Just do what we do." Nora stated, and Blake looked at her, tears welled up in the corners of her eyes. "Follow our glorious leader." she said, and Jauned sighe, hanging his head, using his hand to hide his eyes.
"Indeed." Ren added. Jaune looked him in the eyes and glared at him. Blake then looked at Jaune questioningly.
"Like I know what I'm doing?" Jaune asked, "Besides, I'm following Ruby."
"You're what?" Ruby asked.
"You... do..." Blake nervously said to her, "always seem to know which way to head."
"But," Ren stated, "Jaune's moral fortitude steers her path."
"I what?" Jaune asked him.
"He what?" Ruby replied.
"It is indeed quite simple." Ren added, "Ruby seems to have some instinctual sense of where to head. The direction is always clear to her; the minor details of getting there are what escape her. No offence."
"I don't know why I'd be offended." Ruby stated, "I might be the leader, and I mean, we all worked hard to accept that..."
"Speak for yourself, sis." Yang said to her.
"What?!" Weiss exclaimed.
"What?" Yang asked, "I've never had trouble with Ruby being the leader. It takes so much of the pressure of me. All I have to be is Yangy and punch people."
"Yangy?" Ilia asked.
"Bouncy." Nora stated, and Yang quickly turned to look at her.
"I like that." Yang said, pointing at her.
"Well..." Nora voiced, "Bouncy and angry. Yangry?"
"Well... true..." Yang voiced.
"Okay," Ruby voiced, and everyone stopped talking and looked at her, "so... if you guys don't mind following me?"
"If they do," Weiss stated, "I will have words for them." Ruby looked her in the eyes and smiled. "Weissy words for them." Weiss voiced.
"I kind of like that," Ruby said, "I point, and Jaune tells us how to get there."
"His tactical accumen is excellent." Ren stated.
"So?," Blake asked, "We follow Ruby and Jaune?"
Nora then raised her hand, "Nora?" Jaune asked.
"Can we still complain?"
"If you want to get spanked." Jaune stated, and then his eyes widened with shock as he shook his head, "I have no idea where that came from..." he said, as he looked between all of those present. They were shocked, but not as shocked as they could have / should have been. They honestly didn't really seem to object all that much.
"But..." Oscar voiced.
"Quiet, kid." Qrow whispered to him. "Stay in the cage."
"But, you're the shark?"
"Shh." Qrow stated.
Blake then looked at Ilia, and shrugged her shoulders. "I would follow you to the Dark Brother's throne, were it still on Remant." Ilia stated. "If that means being spanked by this... gentleman... then..."
"Oh boy..." Jaune voiced, once again hanging his head and hiding his eyes.
"Question?" Ruby asked, and everyone looked at her. "So, are we going to get spanked, or not? I'm really not sure how I feel about that."
Most people replied with a pregnant silence. Yang's reply was to laugh out loud.
"I think," Jaune voiced, "you should NOT want to be spanked, but maybe that's just me. Am I weird?"
"Independant." Ren stated.
"You don't care what anyone thinks of you." Nora added. "It doesn't matter how much people make fun of you."
"Nora..." Jaune voiced, "I mean..."
"It's simply a matter of choice." Weiss stated.
"Not you too, Weiss?" Jaune sighed.
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willowistic22 · 4 years
Text
August - Javid
Ship : Javid
Genre : Angst
Song : August - Taylor Swift
Warnings : fighting (arguing), slap, cursing, if there’s more feel free to remind me to tag it :)
A/N : so long overdue i am sorry but school is a bitch quote me in that one idc lol. Anyways, this is an almost 5 k words of angsty javid songfic (thank you @nowisthetimetocarrythebanner for helping me choose which ship to write first :)) Hope yall like it and not get tired of me being a huge swiftie hehe
Salt air
And the rust on your door
This isn’t what he’s used to. Davey always tells his parents if he’ll be going out no matter what, even if he knows they wouldn’t like it because Davey will always find a way to get around their disapproval. This is out of his disciplined nature, and he knows it. Yet, he’s so drawn to this idea. Of course he’s drawn to this idea if it isn’t Jackie boy’s idea.
The moment he heard a tapping noise coming from his window, his mind is no longer in between the words of the book his father had lent him for the night. He saw the boy’s figure waving frantically on the rusty fire escape and he knows it only leads to a bizarre idea Davey will end up regretting.
I never needed anything more
“This better be worth it,”
Oh, but it’s always worth it. It’s Jack for crying out loud. When will it not be worth it for Davey when it’s Jack knocking on his window?
He folds the corner of the page and closes the book. Tossing the book on the rickety bed that he and Les share and takes a few steps across his packed bedroom to get to his window.
He slides the window open. The gust of the summer night wind instantly entering his room, along with the remaining sounds that can be heard down in the streets. But his focus is all on the boy that came to visit him. Crooked smile, dirty coarse cheeks, ruffled dark brown hair, and a lighter shade of brown in his twinkling eyes.
Whispers
Of "Are you sure?"
“What if we get caught?”
“We won’t”
“You don’t know that”
“Well, we will if ya keep standin’ around in the middle of the street like that!”
“Jack, I’m serious!”
“And so am I, Dave!”
The nickname. It caught Davey off guard. It instantly stops his jabbering. He hasn’t heard that name in awhile, Davey forgot the effect it has on him. A fast heart rate, stiffen posture, and an uncontrollable mind.
Jack being Jack, took his silence as compliance. He continues to lead him in Ms. Medda’s theatre through the back door. Ms. Medda wouldn’t mind Jack sneaking around the theatre for whatever reason. But he’s still frowned upon by the bulls, which would mean their shady looking actions would be a reason to capture him.
Davey is still standing in front of the doorway in the alleyway, whilst Jack is already a few feet ahead of him inside. Jack turns around to see if he was following and walks back to the door to convince him one last time. 
He gives him his hand and voices out gently, “It’ll be fun. I promise”
And just like that, Davey is lured in his schemes once again. He reluctantly places his hand in Jack’s palm, which was instantly pulled through the door and into the backstage of Ms. Medda’s theatre.
“Never have I ever before”
Ms. Medda couldn’t be found as the two bolts passed the people working backstage. She’s performing with the rest of the Bowery Beauties. Jack’s been hearing Ms. Medda and the other performers practice this new song and was told that it’s being performed in front of an audience for the first time tonight.
Jack pulls Davey up to the scaffolding backstage so they can have a better view of the performance and a place to sit down peacefully. They let their legs dangle freely under the railings since no one will be able to see it. As Jack expected, Davey was captivated. As he puts his hands on the railing and leans forward for a clearer view, his green eyes twinkle like the stars and his smile as pure as gold. He usually hides his emotions well, but this time it was obvious this was his first time watching a performance in a theatre.
“You do this often, huh?” Davey said, eyes still glued down to the stage.
“Yeah, I’se like to sneak out after puttin’ the littles to sleep,” Jack answered. A moment of silence followed. Then Jack flips his head to gaze back at Davey and says, “It’s just the first time I brought someone with me”
Davey twists his head to face Jack. He sees the boy staring back, but he can’t decipher what about this stare that made it different from the other times they’ve shared a gaze like this. A weird feeling settles in Davey’s stomach. The feeling heats his cheeks and he knows it’s a blush.
The sudden sound of applause pulled them away from their made up universe. A standing ovation full of cheers and whistles. Jack twirls his head first, clapping softly to the feathery and glimmering ladies bowing towards the audience.
Davey’s composure hasn’t returned yet, he couldn’t find the strength to clap. He can only gaze down upon the bowing and try to decipher what had happened.
And when he least expected, Jack places a hand on the railing right next to Davey’s. His pinky slowly brushes over Davey’s. He keeps his hands absolutely still, stiffening up his whole left arm as their pinky intertwine. All while avoiding each other’s gaze in hopes to not ruin this little moment they’re sharing.
Oh, God, not again…
Your back
Beneath the sun
There’s this love hate relationship he has with Jack Kelly. The obvious reason is that the good person and amazing leader side he has is hidden under all the stupidity and spontaneous decisions that mostly leads to a catastrophe. Sure, he’s a figure to look up to for younger newsies taking on the world. But when he gets some space to do something self-indulgent, it can get a bit out of hand.
And then there’s also the not-so obvious reasons. The gentleness, the vulnerability, the oddly intense moments, the small kind gestures, all of which only Davey gets to see. He turns into a nervous wreck but seems to be addicted for more. It’s a different treatment from his other newsie friends, even a different kind of gentleness the littles receive.
When these moments first started happening, Davey thought this was a gateway to project his real feelings towards the boy. And every time after they have those special private moments together, Jack always pretends it never happens the next time they meet each other. It confuses Davey to no end. One moment they’re alone on the fire escape sharing deep secrets they’ve never told anyone before, soaking up whatever’s left of the sun before it sets. The next moment, they’re just ‘your super close pals being normal pals’.
He still hasn’t fully decided what to feel about this game he’s playing with Jack. It’s obviously dangerous, physically and emotionally. But it’s the only soft interactions Davey has ever gotten from Jack. He’s been aching for it the moment he fell for him back when the Manhattan newsies dragged him to strike.
So here he is now, standing in the circulation gate with his stack of paper in one hand and Les’ hand in the other. Ready to play along with whatever game Jack has in store for the two today. He hasn’t seen him this morning, and maybe it’s better that way.
Wishing I could write my name on it
Davey watches Les run across the circulation gates towards where his own newsie friends were waiting for him before they can start marching towards their usual selling spot. He smiles and waves back at the ten year old who seems to already be having too much fun with his friends to notice.
“They grow up so fast, huh?”
Davey twists his head around towards the source of the voice. The same boy from last night stands in front of him, proudly wearing a smirk while carrying his stack of paper.
“Well, it’s bound to happen one way or another” Davey replied, somehow being able to keep his cool.
Jack lingers in his green eyes for a moment. Davey can sense there’s a hidden meaning behind his gaze. And if his gut serves him right, it’s the same kind from last night.
Wait, what’s he doing?
He’d usually initiate the play pretend game early in the morning. But asking Davey to sell with him? That’s not pretending. Even if that game is still on his agenda for today, selling together would only make things harder.
Could it be an idiotic move for Davey to accept this invitation? Most likely. But with that offer on the table, it sparks a small flame in Davey’s curiosity. He wants to know what Jack has in mind for them.
Will you call when you're back at school?
After the two were done selling, Davey thought they were going to Jacobi’s to meet up with the rest of the newsies. But Jack turns out to have a different plan of his own. One which, like most of his other plans, brought fear upon Davey.
He led the two back to Medda’s theatre, where everyone was working backstage. They’re too busy to notice two rapscallion looking teens sneaking in the theatre.
“Jack, where are we going?” Davey finally asked as Jack continued to drag him towards the rows of seats in front of the grand stage.
They stop once they arrive in front of two specific chairs on the very last row. Jack takes a seat on one and puts his newsie bag on his lap. Davey can see a shape forming in it, despite knowing Jack had sold all of his paper earlier.
“Come on, sit down with me” Jack said, patting the empty seat next to him. Davey froze for a second, eyeing Jack skeptically. He rolls his eye with a little chuckle before pulling out the item hidden in his bag, revealing a sandwich he bought from Jacobi’s, “I got us lunch. So come sit down!”
Despite complying to the invite, Davey can’t figure out what were his intentions behind this plan. They sit in silence for the first few seconds, taking a few bites in their own respective sandwiches while staring at the stage being redecorated for tonight’s show.
“I wanted to ask somethin’… but… wasn’t sure if you’se okay talkin’ about it in front of the others…” Jack started out slowly without meeting Davey’s eyes.
At this point, Davey’s heartbeat was getting faster and louder. He so badly wants to hide his face in his hands, but his muscles have frozen in place. He keeps control of his eyes from moving, not wanting to take one glimpse at Jack to avoid a long drawn out stare.
“What is it?” Davey’s lips seem to have a mind of his own, growing impatient at the excessive silence. He mentally slaps it from thinking it was a good idea to make any sort of move.
In the corner of his eyes, he can see Jack turning his head to face Davey. Though he still doesn’t dare to look back.
“Are ya still gonna come by the lodge once you’se back to school?”
A silent sigh of relief escaped his lips, though it did kind of hurt when the question wasn’t what he expected. Nonetheless, he answers, “Well, not as often as now. But I’ll definitely come back every now and again”
August is ending and all the newsies knows Davey and Les are bound to go back to school. They’ve grown comfortable with the brothers, so it’ll definitely feel weird not having them around as often.
Never in his wildest dreams would Davey expect Jack asking about that topic. But going out of his way to drag him all the way here? And buying the two lunch while he’s at it? There has to be more than that, right?
I remember thinking I had you
“Are you gonna miss me?” Davey rounds up the last bit of courage in him to ask.
He hears Jack scoff and can feel the eye roll directed towards him, “Keep dreamin’, Dave!”
He finds the strength to look back towards Jack. Seeing the brunet cracking up a laugh through his smile, he laughs along with him.
Their sandwiches are now left as crumbs, but they didn’t bother walking out of the theatre. They were too entertained with their conversation. Davey noticed how quiet they’re being, despite being too far from anyone to hear what stupid nonsense spilled out of their mouths. There’s also that oddly intense feeling between their breaths, giving all their stupid nonsense a double meaning to it.
As time passes on, things start to escalate even further. It could be just Davey, but there’s something about the way Jack looks at him. His brown eyes look more cheerful and his smile is wider. Unprompted hand touches, so soft and slow yet utterly meaningless. There was no reason for Jack’s hand to dance around the palm of Davey’s. Nor was there a reason for said hand to travel to playfully touch his cheeks. And could their heads be slowly gravitating towards each other? Or could that just be Davey’s head playing tricks with all of this happening to him?
“So… will you be able to run the lodge without my help?” Davey asked, filling in the little silence settling between the two after a fit of giggles turned into a lingering gaze.
“I’se ran the lodge just fine before you and Les showed up,” Jack started, “ I’ll be fine without you!”
“Sure glad I won’t be missed” Davey joked, turning his head down to his hands on his laps.
“What? No! That ain’t what I meant!”
He reaches over to grab his hands gently, causing the taller boy to go beet red. He draws reassuring circles on the back of Davey’s hand, the goosebumps returning once again as he watches it unfold on top of his lap.
“We’ll be fine, but we’se gonna miss you guys,” Jack said.
The hand reaches up to Davey’s chin, forcing him to properly face Jack. His green eyes grew wide at the sight of the brunet boy staring longingly at Davey. He was for certain that their heads are slowly gravitating towards each other. With every inch closer, his heartbeat grows louder and faster. He couldn’t bear to keep his eyes open the moment he could feel Jack’s hot breath dancing on his face. His lips, already parted and so ready to be able to welcome Jack’s—
BANG!
The door right beside them swung open, causing the two boys to jump and return back to their respectful seats.
“Funny seeing you boys here!” A femenine voice rang through their ears, high and pitchy but with a friendly tone. 
They turn their heads towards the sound. There stood a tall figure. Head full of long red curls and clever light brown eyes darting between the two. Cheeks with some freckles animated to form a smirk on the pearl white face.
“And you have a proper excuse to be here, Kath?” Jack challenged her, “I’se sure you’se smart enough to know the first show of the day doesn’t start till later in the evenin’”
Jack’s smile was no longer centralized towards Davey again. He gets himself lost in Kathrine as she makes her way towards the stage with her notepad and pencil, brushing his witty remarks off with a little eyeroll.
Davey watches as he smiles at Kathrine’s presence and remembers the reality. He shifts back in his seat, trying his absolute best to make sure Jack doesn’t hear his heart breaking. That would be embarrassing if he found out Davey thought this wasn’t a game after all.
Back when we were still changing for the better
He quickly departs from the scene, not wanting to meet Jack’s face as he gets up from his seat. He left the theatre quickly, recollecting himself with a deep breath as he made his walk.
Davey repeatedly beat himself up for being such an idiot. There’s been multiple times that happened. When he thought something was going to be different between the two, something around them would remind them that it’s all just a game. It isn’t different than those previous times and will never be different. It’s just a concept Davey still needs to get used to.
Wanting was enough
For me, it was enough
Oh, how badly he longed for the feeling. The feeling to be held by him. The feeling to share a loving kiss. To share more little moments with him. With that infuriating and equally charming Jack Kelly.
Davey would scream in his head, over and over again, how that’s not possible. He isn’t meant to love and be loved by Jack. His heart was already reserved for Kathrine. He knew that from the moment he saw the way Jack acts around her. He could see hearts in his eyes, a brighter smile, and maybe a cockier manner.
When Jack was around him, it felt just like that but slightly different. Jack would be more gentle, tamed, and shier. Davey made up so many excuses in his head for that contrasting behavior, all of which benefits his own feelings. Though, he’s smarter than to think that is what’s actually going on. So he’d usually proceed to make up more excuses of how happy he is that Jack found Kathrine. It did sort of help him through this wave of sadness. Without it, Davey might not be able to blend himself with the crowd of people rushing up and down the sidewalk.
Cancel plans just in case you'd call
And say "Meet me behind the mall"
“Dave!”
The sound of his name made him look back. His heart starts beating faster when he saw it was Jack Kelly. He shouldn’t be standing still like this, waiting for Jack to catch up to him. It’s obvious Jack has his heart for someone else. Davey can’t keep waiting for him to keep up and chase after him only to be tossed to the side once he’s bored with the little game they’re playing.
Jack stops in front of him, crouching down with both hands on his knees. He takes a moment to catch his breath before properly standing up to flash his slightly red and sweaty face.
“You forgot your bag,” Jack said, pulling out a dirty newsie bag out of his own and presenting it to him.
He didn’t realize it wasn’t strapped around his torso like usual till now. He takes it from Jack’s hand and chuckles out through his small smile, “Thanks, Jack”
Davey awkwardly turns around, back to focusing on his trek. Before he took a step further, something grabbed his arm from behind and stopped him.
Before he knows it, Davey finds himself in an alleyway. Backed up against the wall by Jack, uncertainty makes up the lines and curves of his face. But Davey isn’t focused on his face. Rather, the lips that had crashed onto him with no warning.
So much for summer love, and saying “Us”
A few days have passed and Davey could still feel the feeling of those lips against his own. How it remained frozen for a moment when they first connected, but soon moved together once they’ve registered to what’s happening. It creates a sweet feeling that makes the two tremble in each other's grasps. He couldn’t describe what Jack tastes like, mainly because he was too focused on the feeling caused by the movement, but it was addicting and he wants more of it.
The feeling buzzed through him for the rest of the day till the next morning. Sarah and Les noticed it and kept on bugging their brother to spill, but nothing worked. Davey was still feeling the high of it after a few days but was able to ground his feelings so it won’t show up to the surface all that much.
Though, he’s still unsure if he should make a move. Jack somehow acted a bit stranger than usual. The ‘pretending that nothing happened’ game was on again, but this time he was more distant than usual. While the others were smiling and properly greeted Davey and Les when they arrived at the circulation gate, Jack just waved and quickly got himself busy on his own.
'Cause you weren't mine to lose
After a long day of selling, Davey sits down on one of the empty chairs at Jacobi’s for some lunch. His rousing newsie friends filling in the, once peaceful, deli with their chattering and laughter. Davey stays silent while Crutchie, Finch, and Specs talk about their day.
In storms, Race comes running in followed by Albert and takes up the last two chairs on their table. Their energy contrasts with the previous four, but they’re always welcome with their stupid grins.
“You’se two are excited” Crutchie commented after putting down his glass of water, “What happened?”
“You’se guys would never believe what just happened!” Race started, followed by a fit of laughter with Albert. Confused glances were shared between the other four. Upon seeing this, Race and Albert stopped to tell the story.
But I can see us
Lost in the memory
Race was wrong. Davey would absolutely believe what just happened. Though, he wishes he didn’t believe it. Or that it was just a lie. Whatever he can say that can dismiss what Race and Albert just told him. Because Jack kissed Kathrine and Davey can’t believe it’s true to save his poor heart.
He didn’t want to make it noticeable that he was storming out of Jacobi’s, but he desperately needed to see Jack again. His heart is fully shattered this time, he can’t take it any longer. Davey waited for a few minutes before he walked out, trying his absolute best to not let his shattered heart appear to the surface.
August slipped away into a moment in time
It didn’t take long for him to reach the lodge, Albert and Race had briefly mentioned from his story where Jack was. For the most part, Davey had ground his emotions. The sorrowful note in his heart, and just a little bit of anger, was hidden in front of his friends to avoid any questions. But the further away he got from them, the more of his emotions started to seep out of his skin.
He steps into the completely empty lodge. If Jack isn’t found inside, he’d probably be up on the roof. Davey walks up the rusty fire escape. He pops his head up and sees Jack sitting on the other side of the roof, to what Davey suspects to be, sketching something on a piece of paper with the way his back is bent forwards.
Davey is completely perplexed, seeing Jack going about his day as if he didn’t do anything. The lines on his face are drawn by anger, green eyes glowing with fire, hand forming into a fist that’s ready to strike.
He makes Jack notice his presence by purposely stomping loudly as he steps on the roof. Jack turns around from his drawing. Once he noticed it was Davey, he put his drawing down and stood up with a bright and innocent face to greet his friend, a huge contrast to Davey’s. Jack takes a few steps closer to him but still left a good amount of space between the two.
“Dave!”
'Cause it was never mine
He didn’t act up towards that nickname. He simply walks past Jack and purposely bumps their shoulder in a fit of rage. It was Jack’s turn to be perplexed.
He takes a moment before he turns around to hear why Davey was here. Jack got a vague answer when he was met by a strong slap to the face from Davey.
“Do I mean nothing to you?!”
Jack stands completely still in front of Davey, rage visibly coursing through his veins. Jack was left speechless from that unprompted slap. The pain still stinging on his cheek as it slowly turns redder and redder as the second passes.
He looks down to his feet, propping his hands on his hips before looking back up to Jack. Davey’s green eyes now slowly overflowing with water and holding a sob in his throat.
“Why’dju do it?” Davey’s voice cracked a bit at the end, “Why did you set me up in this... game?”
Davey lets one sob escape his lips but holds back the rest in his throat. He blinks a few of the tears away and looks back to where Jack’s face slowly starts to crumble now that he knows what’s this all about.
“Kelly, why did you kiss me?!” Davey raised his voice a bit.
Jack looks at him with wide eyes. Fear in his gaze upon seeing this side of Davey for the first time. He can’t find the answers to those questions. Not even the words to excuse himself.
Davey wraps his arms around his torso to find some form of comfort in this situation. He turns to look past him because looking at him in the eye hurts.
“I don’t get it….Y-you held my hand, you shared secrets, you showed me remarkable things…” Davey went on, the memories flashing in his head like a movie, “... But then after a few days you act like you don’t even know me!”
Jack watches as Davey tries to hold himself together to continue. He watches as his heart crumbles in front of him. The sound ringing in his ears is painful, knowing that it was coming from Davey. And even worse: Jack was the reason.
Davey turns his head to face Jack again.
“Was it stupid of me to fall for you? Was it... stupid of me that when you started doing all of that…” Davey started, voice reflecting the state of his aching heart, “I thought that maybe... you actually returned my feelings?”
“No” Jack simply answered after taking some time to ponder over it.
“But you also kissed Kathrine” Davey brought up what Race and Albert said earlier, “I even heard… you’re going on a date together…”
“Davey… where’dju even get that from?” Jack asked.
“Race and Albert. Sounds like you’re pretty open about it…”
Jack couldn’t move a muscle. His brain fully blanks as it drives Jack’s focus all onto the sobbing boy in front of him.
Back when I was living for the hope of it all
“I should’ve known…” Davey breathes out, dropping his head to the floor, “I should’ve fucking known…”
“No… No, don’t say that” Jack takes a few steps closer, desperately reaching his hands towards him. But Davey violently steps away. Jack knows it means he’s close enough, so he drops his hands to his side again.
“I shouldn’tve hoped for much...” Davey continued, a little raise to his tone but laced with suffering, “I knew from the start you wouldn’t care…”
“Davey, wait! It’s not what you think!”, Jack tries to get closer but ends up stepping backwards as Davey forces him to back away.
“Oh, is it?!” Davey challenged. His face, now shattered in pieces by the tears he could no longer hold back, “Did you fucking forget all those stupid moments you spent with me?! Making me think I actually mean something to you?!”
“Of course you mean somethin’ to me!” Jack stops Davey from pushing him even further, standing his ground with his feet and words. Or whatever it is he can come up in his brain in this heated situation, “I-it’s just… it’s… I don’t know, okay?”
Davey recollects himself as best as he can, furiously sniffing his nose while wiping the tears off his cheeks and eyes. He slows his breathing down while cynically staring at Jack. He slowly makes his way towards the brunet, keeping just an inch of space between their faces.
“Then let’s find out”
His warm breath linger in the limited space between them. The two boys lock their eyes in an intense stare. Davey parts his lips slightly open, testing Jack’s words by pushing him to act up.
Davey aches for another kiss, but he only lets his head tilt to the side while he waits for Jack. But Jack didn’t move. No muscle in him acted up to what he said. He just stood there, staring. Once again making Davey look like an idiot.
He purses his lips, another drop of water falling down his cheek. Davey turns on his heel and walks away from the scene.
“No, wait, I can explain!” Jack chased after the boy, grabbing his arm and twirling him to get them to face each other once again. But Davey’s face is now in pieces, as he barely can hold it in any longer the moment he turned his face away from Jack.
“Let go, Jack,” His voice was shaky and breathy, “Please… I can’t do this anymore…”
The sound of his pressed down sob down his throat broke Jack’s heart even further. He loosens his grip from the boy, letting his hands slide down his sides. He watches as Davey sniffles and wipes his eyes with his sleeves.
“Take care, Jackie,” Davey said before turning around and walking away.
Watching Davey walk away like that left Jack speechless and heartbroken. A wave of guilt and regret rises from his stomach towards his eyes. It wells up with water, watching one of the most important people in his life walk away.
As Davey exits the empty lodging house, he takes in every detail of the house. Whether it’s a crack on the wall, a rust on the bunk bed, or even the precious little trinkets his friends left lying around, Davey examines it till it’s embedded in his brain. After this day, he might not have the strength to come back. Ever.
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