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fireemblemtcg · 4 years

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fecipher twitter, 24-6-2020:

The card list for the Series 21 booster pack, "Tempest of Apocalyptic Flame", has been published on the official site. #FEcipher https://fecipher.jp/cards_category/bt0021/

More Fire Emblem Cipher Series 21 translations!

[Click “Keep reading” for the translated card list]

B21-001SR(+) Dimitri: Awakened Savior King (Great Lord) B21-002N Dimitri: Blue Lion of Vengeance (High Lord) B21-003HN Dimitri: Heir of Blaiddyd (Noble) B21-004R Dedue: Guardian of the Lion (Fortress Knight) B21-005N Dedue: Taciturn Devotee (Fighter) B21-006HN Felix: Sword Brute of Faerghus (Mortal Savant) B21-007R Ashe: Arrow of Justice (Sniper) B21-008N Ashe: Lord Lonato's Adoptive Son (Commoner) B21-009HN Sylvain: Battle-Worn Armored Knight (Great Knight) B21-010N Sylvain: Philandering Lancer (Soldier) B21-011SR Mercedes: Benevolent Soul (Holy Knight) B21-012N Mercedes: Warmhearted Nun (Monk) B21-013HN Annette: Soul-Stirring Singing Voice (Dancer) B21-014R Ingrid: Stalwart Knight (Falcon Knight) B21-015N Ingrid: Upstanding Soldieress (Soldier) B21-016SR(+) Claude (Fódlan): Dawn-Heralding Wings (Barbarossa) B21-017N Claude (Fódlan): World-Uniting Golden Deer (Wyvern Master) B21-018HN Claude (Fódlan): Successor of Riegan (Noble) B21-019R Lorenz (Fódlan): Shoulderer of Fódlan's Future (Dark Knight) B21-020N Lorenz (Fódlan): Noble of the Red Rose (Monk) B21-021HN Raphael: Beast of Leicester (War Master) B21-022N Raphael: Diligently Training Youth (Fighter) B21-023HN Ignatz: Worldly Artist (Sniper) B21-024R Lysithea: Magewright Master of Light and Dark (Gremory) B21-025N Lysithea: Diligent Mage Prodigy (Monk) B21-026HN Marianne: Holy Maiden Bound for Tomorrow (Bishop) B21-027SR Hilda (Fódlan): Soaring Free Spirit (Wyvern Lord) B21-028N Hilda (Fódlan): Ladyling of House Goneril (Noble) B21-029R Leonie: The Blade Breaker II (Bow Knight) B21-030N Leonie: Bearing Memories of Her Master (Fighter) B21-031R Edelgard: Unwavering Imperial Princess (Fortress Knight) B21-032HN Petra: Brigid Ruler in the Making (Wyvern Rider) B21-033N Petra: Spirit Protection-Clad Princess (Fighter) B21-034SR Yuri: Underground Lord (Trickster) B21-035N Yuri: Beautiful Thief Boss (Thief) B21-036N Yuri: House Leader of the Ashen Wolves (Commoner) B21-037HN Balthus: King of Grappling (War Monk) B21-038N Balthus: Hoodlum of House Albrecht (Noble) B21-039HN Constance: Two-Faced Mage Flier (Dark Flier) B21-040N Constance: Lady of House Nuvelle (Noble) B21-041SR(+) Hapi: Karma-Burdened Valkyrie (Valkyrie) B21-042N Hapi: Demonic Beast-Summoning Girl (Commoner) B21-043R Shamir: Famed Archer of the Knights of Seiros (Sniper) B21-044N Shamir: Foreign Mercenary (Fighter) B21-045N Jeritza: Masked Swordsmanship Teacher (Myrmidon) B21-046HN Anna: Fighting Merchant (Trickster) B21-047HN Hegemon Edelgard: At the End of the Ideals She Served (Hegemon Husk) B21-048HN Nemesis: Resurrected King of Liberation (King of Liberation) B21-049HN Alice: Lady Saving a World at War (Wyvern Lord) B21-050N Valjean: Armored Fisherman Knight (Great Knight)

B21-051SR(+) Eliwood: Knightly Heritor of a Legend's Will (Knight Lord) B21-052N Eliwood: Firstborn Son of House Pherae (Lord) B21-053HN Eliwood: Noble of Heroic Blood (Lord) B21-054R Lyn: Plains-Loving Sword Princess (Sword Princess) B21-055N Lyn: Noble Lady of Caelin (Lord) B21-056R Florina: Aiming to be a Fine Flier (Falcoknight) B21-057N Florina: Ilian Pegasus Knight Apprentice (Pegasus Knight) B21-058HN Lucius: A Light Close to a Lone Sword (Bishop) B21-059N Lucius: Eliminean Monk (Monk) B21-060HN Wallace: Crag of Caelin (General) B21-061HN Bartre: Fervent Daughter-Loving Warrior (Warrior) B21-062N Bartre: Wild Axefighter (Fighter) B21-063R Hector: Marquess of Ostia (Great Lord) B21-064N Hector: Dauntless Brother of the Marquess (Lord) B21-065R Priscilla: Ever At My Lord Brother's Side... (Valkyrie) B21-066N Priscilla: Daughter of Count Caerleon (Troubadour) B21-067SR Raven: Unquenched Flame of Vengeance (Hero) B21-068N Raven: Nemesis-Targeting Swordsman (Mercenary) B21-069R Heath: Wandering Knight (Wyvern Lord) B21-070N Heath: Principled Wyvern Rider (Wyvern Rider) B21-071SR(+) Lilina: Leader of Flame and Thunder (Sage) B21-072N Lilina: Lady of the General's Lineage (Mage) B21-073SR Rutger: Blaze-Wreathed Evilcleaver (Swordmaster) B21-074N Rutger: Lone Mercenary (Myrmidon) B21-075SR Sue: Swift Wind-Wielding Plainscharger (Nomadic Trooper) B21-076N Sue: Granddaughter of the Kutolah Chieftain (Nomad) B21-077HN Jerrot: General of the Knights of Ilia (Paladin) B21-078HN Noah: Vagrant Mercenary Knight (Paladin) B21-079N Noah: Member of the Knights of Ilia (Cavalier) B21-080HN Astolfo: Ostian Shadow (Thief) B21-081R Fir: Devotee of the Endless Path of the Sword (Swordmaster) B21-082HN Fir: She Who Lives for the Sword (Swordmaster) B21-083N Fir: Myrmidon of the Sword Princess's Blood (Myrmidon) B21-084N Shin: Falcon of Sacae (Nomad) B21-085HN Dayan: The Silver Wolf (Nomadic Trooper) B21-086HN Juno: For a World Without War (Falcoknight) B21-087N Juno: Motherly Knight Sister (Pegasus Knight) B21-088HN Murdock: The Kingdom's Mightiest General (General) B21-089HN Poe: Judgement Rider (Valkyrie) B21-090N Poe: Love Evangelist (Troubadour)

B21-091SR(+) Peony: Sweet Dream-Bringing Lass (Elf) B21-092N Peony: Friend in a Dream (Elf) B21-093HN Peony: Elf from the Land of Dreams (Elf) B21-094R Sharena: Spear Princess in the Elf World (Princess) B21-095N Sharena: To the Sleeping World (Princess) B21-096R Triandra: Messenger of Nightmares (Elf) B21-097N Triandra: Elf from the Nightmare Realm (Elf) B21-098HN Plumeria: Desire-Gratifying Nightmare (Elf) B21-099N Plumeria: Elf of Lewd Dreams (Elf) B21-100HN Freyr: Dream-Governing God (Elf King)

B21-101HR Byleth (F): Hearer of the Goddess's Voice (Swordmaster) B21-102HR Roy: Darkness-Defying Fire (Great Lord) B21-103HR Anna: Veteran Commander (Agent)

#fire emblem #series: 21 #card list

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mooleche · 5 years

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A Tale of Ink and Venom

Chapter 3 - The Encounter

A/N - This one’s quite chonky so apologies in advance! Also light gore/violence near the end, for forewarning. If you’d like to be tagged in future chapter updates let me know! Enjoy! （*´▽｀*）

By the time I made it back to the labs most of the lower level was barren of people. A few stragglers lurked here and there to finish up what work they had while poor Barry struggled to stay awake during his patrol around the halls.

“Oh! Evenin’ Miss Knight,” he called, jolting awake as I passed. I shot him a hurried wave before continuing my brisk walk to Renato’s lab, caught up in the conversation Mr. Lee and I had shared. He had planted a seed of motivation in me that I hadn’t felt in ages and now that it was here I wasn’t going to let it disappear.

“Hey, I’m back! Sorry for being so late, I got caught up with Mr. Lee. Also, I wanted to run something by y- Bam?” I started as I walked into his lab only to pause short when I saw her full figure leaning against one of the tables. Renato pushed his glasses up and sauntered towards me with hand outstretched for the signatures like he did every time I returned. I obliged, too caught up in seeing my best friend to finish my sentence. “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, you know. Needed some downtime to work on my projects and thought you could use some company. But I also nabbed us some free dinner!"

“I would hardly call the guilt-trip you gave me ‘nabbing free dinner’,” Renato muttered under his breath as he returned to his desk, fully ignoring Bam’s eyes following him the entire time.

“Did it not work?” she asked smugly.

“A little too well. Surprised you’re not following in your father's footsteps with how well you persuade people," he retorted.

"Ugh, way too drab. I wanna be the one that takes the scandal photos of the politicians. After all, how else was I going to get daddy to pay for my college tuition?"

Renato shared a look of suspicion with me and went silent at this, knowing he couldn’t beat Bambi at her own game. You see, despite her name being so innocent, she was not . To give context, the Banks were a family of politicians, and after her father had made the unfortunate decision of voicing interest in a bill to out mutantkinds identities during talk at the dinner table both Bambi and Benni had made it their god-given right to give him absolute hell. All it took were a set of scandalous photos taken of the parties involved and the super-sleuthing computer skills of Benni’s and the two had not only gotten the bill vetoed but also gained a full ride to college to keep quiet.

They didn’t. But that was another story for another day. All I can say is that I was glad that she was on our side because gods help you if she wasn’t.

“Anyway,” Renato sighed as he fished out his wallet from his back pocket, carefully removing some crisp bills to place in my hand, “Hate to send you right back out but we thought you’d be back sooner. You still like Mr. Basils, right?”

“Hmm, hard to say since we eat there every day,” I teased as I felt Bambi loop her arm around mine and drag me towards the door. “You got me my usual, right?” I called as I struggled against her pull, but Renato’s response was lost to the low hum of the machines whirring amidst the other rooms.

“Yeah, yeah, he got you something spicy. You like that, right?” Bambi answered as we headed back out into the streets once more and I nodded softly. Now that the sun was beginning to set the air grew cooler and I dove my hands into my hoodie. I felt her grip on me grow a little tighter as we walked in casual silence, noticing now that she had sacrificed warmth for style. She donned a light loose cardigan over a lace tank top where an array of different necklaces that jingled with every step we took. Her lower half consisted of shorts and chic ankle boots that made me wonder how in the world she thought she could manage in this weather. I had no time to properly question this before she cocked her head to the side and grinned. “So what’s the scoop? What you were going to ask Renato?” she inquired curiously.

I shrugged in response.

“It’s nothing serious, just some hypotheticals…” I admitted, feeling my stomach twist with hunger as a familiar smell wafted through the air. We had arrived at our destination sooner than expected, a Thai restaurant that was quoted as ‘The most lively hole in the wall in town!’, and I was inclined to agree. While it was small in size it almost never held an empty seat, and that was no different today as we shuffled into its busy entrance.

This didn’t matter to Bambi though, who’s eyes to lit up with curiosity at my words as we shuffled past a small group of people to get to the register.

“I love a good hypothetical. Go on,” she urged, but my attention had been fixated on the short double swinging doors that hid behind the counter. A small set of doors that had a smaller man burst through with arms that shot up in excitement at the sight of us moments later.

“My favorites, Pinky, and the Brain!” he greeted us warmly.

“Hi, Mr. Basil,” we chimed in unison, though Bambi’s grip grew slightly tighter around my arm at the nicknames. Mr. Basil was an elderly man who had opened this restaurant up with his wife many years ago. No one knew their real last name, only that they shared a love for basil so much that they made a business out of it, and it worked . Can’t fault someone for that logic. Especially when he was so warmhearted about it.

He hummed softly as he rang us up, disappearing back through the door before I could ask how business was doing.

Bambi, however, dropped her smile and rolled her eyes.

“Honestly, does he always have to call us Pinky and the Brain? I'm the one with the higher GPA."

"Why don't you tell him that sir brags-a-lot," I asked smugly while pointing to the pink poking from under her beanie. She scrunched her nose up in response.

“You still didn’t answer my question, by the way,” she added, the determination in her voice growing the longer I avoided talking about my earlier inquiries. “Spill the beans, Knight.”

“Okay, okay . It honestly wasn’t anything big I just..I was going to ask Renato if maybe he could pull some strings so I could visit Xavier’s School…” I admitted in a hushed tone, my hands wringing together nervously that others would overhear. I had never seen Bambi’s face light up as fast as it did when it clicked.

“No shit? Nina, that’s huge!” she grinned before wrapping her arms around me and squeezing tight. I smiled as I sank into her hug, a feeling of relief filling me at her support. As hard as I had tried to live a normal life I missed the days when I could be myself, and Bambi knew this all too well. It’s why she pushed me so hard to go back so I could spread my wings a little more, and after the pep talk I had gotten today I felt it was finally time to fly.

She separated herself from me as Mr. Basil reappeared, this time with a large, neatly wrapped bag and a smaller, more colorful wrapped bag beside it.

“Sorry for the wait! For Little Levi, Mrs. Basil’s special treat!” he whispered warmly and I blinked in surprise. Little Levi was short for Little Leviathan, Renato’s pet cuttlefish The Basils had fallen in love with after seeing one of many proud pet owner photos Renato carried with him at all times. I’d tease him mercilessly for this if I wasn’t absolutely taken by that adorable crustacean myself.

I just make fun of him for everything else instead.

We thanked him and Bambi and I both took a bag, her face set in a small, pleased smile as we set back for the lab.

“Why are you smiling like that?” I asked suspiciously, her pleasant silence causing me to grow curious.

“This sudden change of heart wouldn’t have anything to do with that video we saw this morning, would it?” she asked, her smile growing wider as I stopped abruptly and frowned. I hadn’t even thought of the video since we had watched it. Not even once.

Alright.

Maybe once.

“What? No! No. What video?” I laughed nervously before Bambi stopped as well, nudging me with a sly smirk.

“I’m kidding. But I am proud of you, Neeners. I know this is a big step for you and…” She was saying something to me, something that sounded borderline encouraging, or so I thought, but my attention was drifting elsewhere.

A trickle of people had begun rushing past us, voices of worry weaving in and out of my range of hearing before a low rumble broke through the air.

“Bambi,” I interrupted softly, the hushed voices I had been hearing now growing louder, footsteps growing more rapid as the trickle turned into a mass of panicked bodies running past us in the street. I watched as a wide-eyed man ran head-on into her before he picked himself up and continued running away unabashedly to both of our surprise, but Bambi was not having it.

“Asshole!” I heard her shout as she tried to recollect herself, drifting into the street to try and get a look at the man that had knicked her, but he had already melded into the group of other panicked people. My stomach began to dance like I had just unleashed a wasps nest inside of it, like something very bad was on its way and we needed to join them. “What’s going on…?” she asked, but I had no time to answer.

I saw it before she did, a giant piece of debris flying straight where she stood and I ran forward.

“Get out of the way!”

I yanked her back against the wall and we listened in stunned horror as it scraped against the ground with a terrible screech and slowed to a stop. Once the fear of almost having a decapitated best friend wore off my eyes adjusted to the scrap, a disfigured car door that had been ripped off its hinges as tossed aside.

Bambi’s eyes made her look like a deer in headlights before she turned to me in horror and gripped my hand that was visibly shaking.

“You saved me…”

“I…”

I tried to answer, but a low menacing roar rang through the air that made my voice catch in my throat. Every inch of my body told me to run the other way, to find safety and wait this sudden disaster out while the real heroes came to save the day. But somewhere deep down told me they were never coming, and my curiosity was too strong not to see who, or what was causing all of this chaos.

So I went forward.

“Wait up!” Bambi called as she joined my side, hand still glued to mine as we rushed against the current of panicked civilians. Together we stood at the corner of a nearby street while the screams around us continued. Ahead of us smoke blocked any sign of what was happening, like a final warning to leave while we still could.

Then, like a veil lifting, I saw it.

A hulking black silhouette getting up, the same hulking black mass I had seen in the blurred news photos earlier this morning. Renato’s worried speech rang through my head as if pleading me to turn back, but my feet stood rooted to the spot.

The one time I didn’t listen to him and now we were in the thick of it.

“That’s him, that’s the villain!” Bambi whispered in horror or disbelief I couldn’t tell, but we watched as it released another bone-chilling roar and she looked around in worry. “Where the hell are the Avengers?”

I don’t know, I wanted to answer. They were international now, hell it wasn’t too long ago that they had fought off aliens from our planet. Brooklynn was now small time for them, and it was more apparent than ever in this moment.

But then a flicker of red caught my attention as if sensing my doubt. My jaw went slack with awe as we watched the smoke settle just in time for the mystery assailant to lay a devastating blow against the monstrous figure's chest that sent him staggering back.

“I don’t believe it…” I whispered when he landed, masked appearance revealing who I had never expected to see saving the day.

“Is that Captain America…?” Bambi whispered back in awe and, despite the circumstances, I whipped my head to look at her in disappointment.

“Are you kidding me right now? That’s Spider-Man!”

“What? They both wear blue and red, give me a break!”

“WHAT? Captain America wears almost all blue and white and uses a red shie-You know what, I'm not doing this right now." I announced, having to stop myself from going on what was probably the nerdiest tangent I would ever have in my life.

I knew superheroes like she knew famous politician drama. The drama on Spiderman was that while he had once been your friendly neighborhood vigilante, no one had seen nor heard from him in months . Tabloids had suspected maybe he had finally bit the big one. Others assumed maybe he finally just craved a proper getaway after being worked to the bone saving people all day.

To see him now felt like I was watching a unicorn fight crime.

Bambi had already clocked out as soon as I had opened my mouth but now stared intensely forward, reaching for my face to direct me to join what she was watching.

“I definitely know who THAT is,” she grinned as my sights settled amidst the debris.

No freaking way.

There picking a wedgie out of his ass as if he wasn’t about to square up to something three times his size stood Deadpool, ex-trainee disaster himself. I blinked in surprise, unsure if I was seeing this scene correctly. I knew next to nothing about him, only the recent chaos he had caused and that he, and I quote, ‘Was right all along and everyone could blow me!’.

He was a real character if nothing else.

I felt like I was dreaming. This team-up was as uncanny as it was to even see them in the first place, and we had just gotten a front-row seat to them saving the day.

That was until the creature caught Deadpools leg and sent him colliding straight into Spiderman like he was the last bowling pin in the lane.

Bambi and I winced.

Then we both said something very unexpected.

“You have to help them!”

“I should help them,”

“Wait, what?” we said in unison as the words processed fully. I couldn’t believe I had said that. I couldn’t believe SHE had said that.

“What in the world makes you think I can do anything to help them?” I asked, still in disbelief at my own words while watching her begin rummaging through her bag with a newfound purpose.

“Are you kidding me? I’ve seen what you can do, and this is what you wanted right? Look at them,” she added, another wince leaving us as Deadpool was tossed into the air like a ragdoll. “They can use all the help they can get.”

She wasn’t wrong. They were fighting a losing battle, and even though I hadn’t done this myself in a long while I knew deep down what the right choice to make was.

Deep down I still wanted to save the day.

“...Alright.” I agreed softly as I dropped my bag to the ground, a newfound determination in me that had not been there moments before. I slipped my gloves off before plunging into the contents of my bag only to retrieve a bundle of papers. Various drawings and schematics of weapons I had worked on in my spare time, all drawn in ink, all ready to be summoned at the drop of a hat.

“Hello? You just walk around with these willy nilly??”

“Not exactly…” I admitted sheepishly before choosing a particularly feisty looking sledgehammer and sprawling the paper down across the concrete. While I usually kept these for a rainy day, I had wanted to test them with Renato to see how they faired. There was no time like the present to test that theory out yourself though. And that’s exactly what I did as I rubbed my hands together and slapped them down on the sheet.

My nerves were on edge. It was risky to do such a thing out here while so many people were running about and my body was quickly realizing this as my hands shook with anxiety while I struggled to work my magic. But desperate times called for desperate measures and the sounds of the two superheroes continuing to get pummeled in the background was enough to push me through.

I watched with anticipation as the inky black sludge that pooled from the paper and my hands merged to form a solid black sledgehammer. It was weighty, reeked of ink and had a good swing to it, but would it be enough?

There was no time to make sure. I stood and smeared my hand across my eyes for a very hasty attempt to save my identity with an even messier attempt to tie my hair back. In the time that it had taken to do this Bambi had successfully retrieved a camera that I was sure was more than both my kidneys combined and beamed at me.

“I just want you to know you look super badass right now,”

“O-oh. Thanks…” I smiled weakly, feeling my cheeks grow warm. That feeling soon died down as a deafening crash sounded off nearby, my innards squirming with fear as another violent roar echoed into the air. Bambi's hand squeezed my shoulder as if to snap me from my fear.

“Relax. You’re Nina Fucking Knight, you can do this.”

“I can do this,” I whispered in confidence. I didn’t believe myself, but I believed in Bambi and her belief in me, and at that moment that was all I needed to step forward. One encouraging slap to my ass later I was stumbling, trying not to trip over myself as I got closer to the carnage that lurked ahead.

My heart began pounding like a drum. The dizziness from the sudden use of my powers was quickly catching up to me before I could properly shake it off, and I kicked myself for not putting that into consideration before diving in. It was too late to focus on that now though. My attention snapped forward and the creature towered above me as it admired its prize that was a battered and bruised Spiderman, now trapped within its grasp and unable to fight back.

I had to act fast.

“H-hey! Ivan Ooze!”

The words left me before I knew what I was saying and I readied myself, not giving myself time to realize this was an extremely bad idea before swinging my entire body into the hit in an attempt to stun him. I felt the contact, and for a moment I was excited, but instead of sending him falling over himself like I had hoped I listened to what can only be described as the most horrifying noise you could ever hear in a situation like this.

My sledgehammer shattered.

I stood in stunned horror looking at the shards of broken ink below me as the monster turned and faced me, completely unaffected by my embarrassing blow. The first thing I saw were teeth. Long, sharp jagged teeth that ran up into a gnarled grin as it looked down at me with white, milky eyes.

“I’d like to apologize,” was all I could muster before watching Spiderman get flung onto the concrete like a toy. I spun around to make my quick exit, realizing in that moment that this was quite possibly the worst mistake I had ever made. In the distance, I saw Bambi’s horrified gaze as I struggled to walk quickly towards her in an attempt to flee, only to feel a large clawed hand wrap around me and yank me back.

“Where do you think you’re going?” it asked, voice deep with malice as a long tongue slid out from between its teeth. I grimaced as it ran along my face, the hot sticky sensation leaving a chill of fear running up my spine as a deep chuckle emerged from its throat at my disgust. "Two meals for the price of one? Today must be our lucky day."

From below I heard a groan of pain and we both looked to find Spiderman struggling to stand. There was fury in his eyes and my heart jolted with hope as he looked ready to continue fighting the good fight.

“Leave her alone. Your fight is with me,” he called, but my hope soon died as I watched him stagger and fall once more. I began to struggle like my life depended on it. Hell, at this point my life DID depend on it. The monster's grip only grew tighter at my efforts until I felt the stabbing pain of its claws begin to sink into my skin and I winced.

“What? No witty banter for your last moments? Pity.” it asked as its face grew close to mine. All I could do was close my eyes and pretend I was somewhere else. Somewhere where I wasn’t about to be mincemeat to Flubber’s roided up cousin.

“Yeesh. Can you believe this guy? I asked for tall, dark and handsome, I'm gonna give you a guess on what they missed in this request.” a new voice called out now. I opened one eye to find Deadpool a few feet away standing on top of a car with a gun at the ready to the creature who roared in response.

“Don’t you ever die?!”

“You know I ask myself that every day? Hey there, thanks for that distraction, by the way. The name’s Deadpool, and you are?” he asked me now, completely ignoring the 7 ft villain that looked ready to tear him in two.

The question caught me off guard and I answered as well as one would in that situation.

“I’m Nina, I-I’m a big fan!”

Smooth.

“Well Nina,” he started while pointing a girthy looking gun to the angered creature, “This has been a real treat, and I appreciate you saving my man over there, but I think it’s my turn to save the day if I wanna get that victory kiss.”

“By all means,” I winced as its grip against me grew tighter, the feeling of claw cutting through my skin beginning to grow stronger. Only the mention of ‘my man’ and ‘victory kiss’ had caught me off guard, and I shot him a look of confusion at his words only to be met with horror. While Deadpool had been ready to fire point-blank at it, he realized all too soon that he had no ammo and looked frantically from his gun to us in confusion.

“Well that’s not great,” he muttered before it released a furious roar. My heart gave a jolt of fear, convinced that this would be my final moment and I began to struggle with a newfound determination. It was then that I realized I had still been white-knuckling the remnants of my sledgehammer this entire time and I twisted my arm painfully out of its position. I closed my eyes, knowing I only had a few seconds to focus on sharpening the broken pole to drive it deep into its hand in one last hail mary.

And boy did I deliver.

The noise it made was deafening, but the feeling of being flung into the windshield of a car was even worse as I felt the impact hit my back with brute force. I could do nothing but groan in pain and hold my head as the world spun around me, like getting a look into a cartoon characters life when they got a mallet to the face.

“Nina! Nina, oh my god,” Bambi's voice filled the air and I rolled haphazardly off the car to try and find her voice. I jolted in fear as I felt hands wrap around my arm, but the soft reassuring touch told me it was her and I sank against her weakly.

“Hey there! You’re a gentleman and a scholar for your efforts, now let me handle the rest!” he called as my vision began to stop spinning. We watched as he somehow had hitched a ride on the back of this monster via katana to the shoulder blade and now flailed on it’s back like a cowboy at a rodeo. "Y'know I have to ask, WHERE IS THE HULK IN THIS SITUATION? CAN'T SPARE AN AVENGER FOR THIS?" he yelled while desperately held on for dear life, though we were unsure who he was directing his words at this point.

“That’s what I said!” Bambi called, but the way he snapped his attention back to us seemed a clear indication that he was not speaking to us at all.

"As much as I enjoy your enthusiasm I feel like you should be running!" he called to us, but we were rooted to the spot in fear at the chain of events that had begun in that same moment.

It all happened so quickly, and yet it still felt like an eternity.

All it had taken was a slip of his foot and he was in its range of reach, who now took the chance to grab his leg and yank him violently forward.

“We won’t let you run again,” I heard it growl menacingly before gripping Deadpools upper and lower halves and pulling hard. My eyes grew wide with terror as I heard his bones pop and skin tear before he began wailing a series of ‘ows’ that grew more frantic with each passing second.

And then suddenly he was in two pieces.

Bambi emitted a shriek of terror as his blood hit us, yanking my frozen figure back as I tried to process what had just happened.

But I knew all too well what had happened.

I had just watched Deadpool die and I had done nothing to stop it.

I had failed as a hero.

#long post #marvelsona #oc shit #oc x colossus

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buckitybarnes · 7 years

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It’s his Nature [3]: Deer - Bucky x Reader

Summary: You learned through moments after meeting Bucky what his “animal” side was like. [Aka. Using metaphorical animal stereotypes to describe pieces of Bucky ]

in this chapter: It took awhile, but when he finally opened up, he seems to have taken a strong liking to you. Not only that, but the bond between you two is strengthened quickly as hours go by.

Series Warnings/Themes: I’ll always be cussin’ please close ur ears, kids. Slowburn. Angst. Fluff.

Author’s Note: Another one to you, de(e)r reader, and another chapter of BUCKy. I need to go. Here is where I heal you from the sad times in the last chapter.

Y/N = Your Name

Deer : Affectionate, warmhearted, thankful

Ever since the day of Bucky’s nightmare, you have found it much easier to talk to him. Although he was still quiet and reserved at times, he still put in effort in responding to you. He was grateful that you were so understanding towards his aloof behavior. When he didn’t feel like chatting, he still sat down beside you to read or listen to your constant rambling. It amused him greatly when you grumbled about small things like the weather or how one of the celebrities on TV had “the ugliest dress” you had ever seen. Of course, you were completely unaware and felt guilty at the thought of annoying him.

You’ve come to realize that you were totally enamored with Bucky’s smile. The first time he pulled small one was when you introduced him to Mortal Kombat and it resulted in you pouting because he annihilated you on the first round. Although your pride was struck, you couldn’t help but grin back at his boosted confidence. You made it your mission to get him to smile as much as possible from then on.

He was soon opening up more and more, showing you a side that you had never expected. His shoulders stopped sagging in apathy as he walked. His smile began widening. And by god- Bucky was beginning to converse a lot. It was never a one-sided conversation with you talking his ear-off. Now, it was mutual and sometimes you two even stayed up til the crack of dawn to chit-chat about anything and everything.

You couldn’t help but be overjoyed at the thought of seeing him so comfortable around you.

“Miss [Y/L/N], an incoming call from the Captain.”

You look up from the treadmill, pulling out your earbuds and stepping off. “Put him through, Friday.” Your gaze falls to Bucky, who was across the gym trying to figure out the new machinery. His eyes immediately light up as Steve speaks.

“Hey, Grumpy!” He chimes, obviously happy that neither of you had killed each other during his absence. You smirk and sit down on a bench, looking up at the ceiling to stick your tongue out. You were fully aware he wasn’t there, but you were sure he could feel it from a thousand miles away. “What’s up, Icee?” you respond, earning a questioning look from Bucky. “What the hell is an Icee?” he mutters in confusion, earning chuckles from both you and Steve.

The Captain continues on, practically grinning in his voice.

“We’re on our way back. Found some insightful details. I’ll see you two in 4 hours, alright?” You’re beaming. As much as you loved spending time with Bucky alone, you were excited to see all of your teammates again.

“Oh and [Y/n]” you both look up at his sudden tone shift. “Training starts tomorrow. You’re joining us in a few days. You too, Buck.” You laugh, hands on your hips. “You got it Cap, I’ll try not to bust your ass up tomorrow.” With an amused scoff, Steve hangs up.

You look over to Bucky and your smile drops. He’s tensed up again, on high alert. “Everything alright?” you ask calmly, walking towards him. He lets out a heavy sigh, crossing his arms and averting his gaze. You hope to god you weren’t starting back at square one. Before you reach him, he takes a step back.

“I don’t think I’m ready, [Y/n].”

Oh.

You felt like an idiot. Of course he’d be nervous about this. They were practically pushing him at a pace he wasn’t comfortable with. You purse your lips as you think of the right words to say.

“You might not be ready now, but you will be. I believe in you” you start, looking up at him with an understanding smile. “And hell- if you need a few minutes to step back on the battlefield, just let me know. I’ve got your back, I’ll cover you.” You put two fists up in mock defense against imaginary enemies, punching the air to show him your strength. He can’t help it. He’s grinning like an idiot. “You’re unbelievable, you know that?” he whispers. Now you understood what Steve meant when he said how much of a ladies’ man Bucky was. The smile that graced his lips had your heart hammering against your chest.

While following him out of the gym with your gaze to his back, you’re pulled back to today’s earlier events:

“But...how do I...” You glance over from the couch towards the kitchen, observing the way Bucky was staring at the coffee-maker. His eyebrows were furrowed and his body was hunched over to get a closer look. If you didn’t know any better, you would have thought he was watching an intense game of football.

You hop off the couch and saunter over. “You good there, soldier?” you hummed in amusement. He looks up at you and practically pouts, too embarrassed to ask the question. “Use your words, Buck” you tease. “How do I turn it on” he grumbles in frustration. You’re a giggling mess at the thought of a grade A supersoldier not knowing how to work a simple kitchen appliance. He shoots you the most murderous glare he could muster, but his lips twitch into a small smile at your mirth. “Alright, alright, you got all your laughs out? Now help me, woman. I need coffee!” he demands, adding a childish whine to the end of his sentence.

“But you said you wanted to do it yourself!” you exclaim, nudging his side gently.

He sighs before whining again. “come on [Y/N]....”

“Bucky, it’s gonna be reeeal sad one day when you finally meet a girl and you can’t sit her down with a decent cup of coffee.” You’re teasing him, but his smile is shaky.

A domestic life. For so long he had been thinking of it: a family, a nice house, two or three kids. He knew it was unlikely to come true. It was damn near impossible with all that has happened. He was a monster and shooting for such high hopes was pitiful. So he took these thoughts and buried them deep down.

However, being here with you made them all surface once again. He was getting too close to you and It was dangerous.

For a moment you realize the somber look on his face and you feel absolutely guilty. “Buck-” you were interrupted by the clearing of his throat. His smile comes back full force as if he hadn’t been having conflicting thoughts. “Well you’re gonna have to teach me so I can do just that.” You decide not to push it, forcing yourself to snicker in response and nod. You don’t notice his frustrated pursed lips and his gaze flickering to give you a once over. It was obvious in his gesture that his mind was still fighting itself.

You wait for him to watch you intently as you turn and press two simple buttons. Within seconds, steam starts to rise and dark brown coffee drips into the decanter. You can see that he feels stupid by his gawking expression. laughter bubbles up your throat again as you pat his shoulder and walk back towards the couch. You stop dead in your tracks though when he says something unanticipated.

“I fucking hate you.”

You turn, knowing full well that he was only joking and let out gasp in fake hurt. However, he thinks that you were genuinely offended and looks ashamed at himself. Before he could apologize, you point an index finger in the air. “Bucky!” He jumps, ready for the chastising to begin. “Captain America would be very disappointed in you using that type language!” His discouraged frown disappears almost instantly. He lets out a loud laugh at your jab towards his best friend, back leaning against the counter for support. You were definitely something else. He couldn’t help but put the argument in his mind to rest as he decides to proceed in trusting you.

He doesn’t know it but you’re practically shaking in your socks. His laugh was beautiful and unexpected and everything you never thought you needed in life. Now that you had heard it once, you feel like you could easily become addicted to it.

“Hey, [Y/N]?” your face starts to heat up when you realize you had been staring. “Yeah?” you blurt out, turning to hide your flushed cheeks. When you look back at him, your eyebrows lift in surprise at the cocky smirk replacing his grin. Fuck. He caught you staring.

“Get ready to have your ass beat. I’m not going easy on you in training.”

#Bucky Barnes #bucky x reader #james bucky barnes #captain america #reader insert #x reader #self insert #fanfic #fluff #slow burn #angst #reader imagine #series #its his nature

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rilenerocks · 5 years

Text

There are the days when you’ve just had it up to here. You feel your aging body and you see it too. That’s the way life goes. Crepey skin, lacking moisture and resilience. Weird hairs growing in the wrong places. I’m a swimmer, and now after 45 years or so of doing the same repetitive motions, my shoulders have begun to ache, the pain and stiffness waking me at night. A pressing sense of urgency pushes me to hurry up and get all those things done that are sitting on various to-do lists and which feel very important. But are they important? Am I important? I can walk down the street wearing an unmistakable cloak of invisibility which I once thought would be a magic power. Not so much any more. To the bustling young people in their invincible minds, I am unseen. I’m exercising and trying to eat right and doing brain exercises. I still remember ridiculous amounts of information about a wide range of topics. So what. The inexorable slide is still happening. For some people with good genes, the process may be slower than it is for others. Some have been forgetful for years. Others, like me, are still able to experience powerful recall. Many older folks do without the intimacy and physicality of their youth. Lots of people drifted away from sex long ago. Those of us who still have a powerful drive may be stuck without the partner we used to have.

News at home and abroad is lousy and oppressive. You try to do some good where you can but are left feeling insufficient and overwhelmed. Everything feels annoying and you’re muttering stuff to yourself like, “shit rolls downhill,” “what goes around comes around,” and, “ha, you pompous child, one day you’re going to be in the place I am right now – we’ll see how you like it.” The fact is that older women are marginalized, kicked to the curb, both personally and professionally. Everyone just can’t be Jane Goodall, that wonderful person or other famous women who’ve bucked the odds. Lots of us are just regular. We grew up trying to find ways to navigate societal expectations. Many us found partners who stuck and many found partners who didn’t. Some never found anyone. We went to work and school, had babies and aging parents and balanced full schedules every day for years. Those of certain economic classes, that is. The poor, the victims of domestic and sexual abuse and the uneducated are marginalized all their lives. I won’t forget that truth. I push back. I have my opinions, my morals and my standards and I don’t feel like getting kicked to the curb. When you’ve fought your way through the grief of losing a life partner, your parents, siblings and friends, you want a little attention and empathy. And you want it to be given freely without asking for it. But as the song goes, you can’t always get what you want.

Yesterday, I wanted my husband to be alive. Of course I always want him to be alive, but some days are harder than others. I wanted something from him that I can’t get anywhere else. I’m pretty warmhearted but I have my boundaries. I don’t like people touching my face. I don’t know why. When I was young, it was okay that my mom did it. She would relax me. But as I got older, I shied away from that. There’s just something really intimate about having a person lay hands on the place where your deepest thoughts and feelings are just underneath your skin. At least that’s how it works for me. One time, not long ago, my sweet grandson touched my cheek. I sat very still and didn’t jump away from him. But that was a challenge. He doesn’t perceive that invisible wall. I want Michael to touch my face. He would take both hands and shove my hair straight back and stare at me. Ironically, I have widow’s peak. He loved my hairline and looking into my eyes. And I trusted him. I miss that sense of security a lot. Instead there are all these other oppressive and irritating daily struggles that I’d hoped would have been far more improved in these last fifty years. Me, too. Me, too. So what do you do when you just can’t do regular life? For me, it’s hitting the road. My butterflies have flown the coop.

I left too. I set some goal for myself after Michael died. One was to see all 50 states in this country. Just before my knee surgery in July, I got up to 43 visited. Feeling antsy and discontented, I decided to take a few days and knock two others off that list, Mississippi and Alabama. My sister, who retired recently, came along with me. I have to say, these two states aren’t high on my list, mostly because my political stance is diametrically opposed to lots of people in these places. So I tried an itinerary which included nature, a little pop history and maybe some Civil War sites. I don’t talk much about the depth of my interest in that war, but I’ve been obsessed by it for years and have read a few hundred books about it. I still gave trouble fathoming the fact that people from the same country lined themselves up across from each other and blasted themselves into oblivion for four years. I thought I might find a place to ponder that subject on my getaway from reality. We started out by driving to Garden of the Gods in Shawnee National Forest in southern Illinois.

I’ve been there before but it doesn’t get old. Imposing sandstone bluffs that emerged from Pangea as the earth shook itself into pieces are still awesome to experience. Old stands of beautiful birch trees commingle with other species and create a peaceful quiet that is really soothing. No wonder forest walking has become a recommended therapeutic device. I managed to snag a few rocks that had chipped off the large formations. After we wandered through there, with me being grateful to have knees that work again, albeit a little gingerly, we drove to a nearby town for some delicious barbecue and a good night’s rest.

This morning after breakfast, we took off and headed to Mississippi. The weather was pleasant, cool and sunny. I’d finally synced Michael’s ancient iPod to the car. As we zipped along, we crossed the Mississippi, heading into Tennessee on our way to Tupelo, birthplace of Elvis Presley. I like bridges and taking photos of them while driving which in turn, drives my sister crazy. Sometimes it just doesn’t seem as risky as texting.

In any event, I got a few shots and then got interested in fields far different from Illinois’ corn and beans. Cotton fields, some harvested and others in bloom. I realized that random tufts had blown to the edge of the highway so I pulled over to collect a few.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen this before. There are special cotton picking machines which somehow collect the cotton and roll it into brightly colored stretchy plastic bales, like hay. Imagining the backbreaking labor of slaves bent over the plants was disturbing. As we drove through Tennessee, my GPS was sending us off the main highways to shorter routes that took us through small towns and back country. I was just getting ready to make a turn on some side street when I caught sight of a marker pointing toward Shiloh National Battlefield. I’ve always wanted to go there after having read so much about it. Tennessee was considered the Western theater of the Civil War and water throughways there were critical to victory for both sides. Pittsburg Landing located close by, was a crucial port. The battle was fought over two days in April, 1862. Over one hundred seven thousand soldiers participated with a casualty rate of 21% from both armies. The fighting raged over terrain that was both heavily wooded and dotted with clearings where people could be mowed down. The amount of artillery was astonishing and caused devastation that astonished the country.

There are names like the Hornets’ Nest and the Bloody Pond, accurate descriptors for what happened there. There are mass graves in several locations along with peach orchards and farmer’s fields, those average people whose homes were in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Driving through the dense peaceful forest, with deer, squirrels and birds abounding, it was hard to inagine the deafening, smoky, violent madness that occurred there. It’s like traveling with the echoes of ghosts. Two future presidents fought there, Ulysses Grant and James Garfield, as did General Lew Wallace who wrote “Ben Hur.”

And then there were the faceless thousands who died, were maimed or survived and went back to their lives. Being on that ground was a moving experience. Times gone by in a flash of chaos.

We finally made it into Mississippi early tonight, waylaid but glad for the digression. I’ve only been gone for a couple of days but I do feel less annoyed and grumpy about life in general. A little change of scenery can go a long way. I’m already thinking about what comes next.

Pushing the Margins There are the days when you've just had it up to here. You feel your aging body and you see it too.

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waitineedaname · 7 years

Text

Conversations

SkamFicWeek:

Day 3: alternative first meeting

Pairing: Yousef/Sana

AO3

The first time Yousef held a conversation with Sana, she was threatening him with pepper spray.

He was riding the elevator up to Even’s apartment, about to pick him up to hang out with their friends, and she was riding with him - a quiet and stunningly beautiful girl in a black hijab. She wasn’t paying him any mind, tapping away on her phone and shrugging her bag higher on her shoulder, but she took his breath away immediately. He had to force himself to focus on counting the square tiles on the elevator floor to keep from staring at her.

When they got off on the same floor, Yousef thought it was a funny coincidence. When they started walking in the same direction, Yousef thought this was getting kind of weird. He saw her shoulders stiffen as he continued to walk behind her down the hall and he was working up the courage to tell her no, he wasn’t a creep, this wasn’t intentional, when she whirled around.

“Look,” She spoke sharply, her eyes flashing dangerously, “If you’re following me, I’ll have you know I have pepper spray in my pocket and I won’t hesitate, and if I scream, there are two very tall men who live a couple doors down who will hear me and beat you up.”

“What?” Yousef paled and held his hands up. “No, I’m not following you, I promise! I’m just getting my friend Even, he lives down here.”

The girl narrowed her eyes and leaned back a bit, examining him. “...I’m visiting Isak.”

“So we’re going to the same place!” Yousef relaxed a bit, then furrowed his brows. “Wait, are the two tall guys you were talking about them? Because Even’s not much of a fighter.”

“True. But Isak would kill a bitch.” He couldn’t help but laugh at the way she deadpanned it.

“That’s fair.” His heart fluttered when he saw the hint of a smile on her face, and he was about to say something more when Even and Isak’s door opened.

“Yousef! I was wondering when you’d get here.” Even said from the doorway, smiling at him, then the girl at his side. “Hi Sana! Isak’s at the table if you want to get started. Yousef and I will get out of your way, don’t worry.”

“Good. This might get dangerous.” The girl - Sana - pushed past Even without another look Yousef’s way. Even laughed, called his goodbyes in their direction, then stepped out into the hall, closing the door behind him.

“So. Ready to go?” Even turned his attention to Yousef, then quirked an eyebrow. “You okay?”

Yousef shook his head, realizing he had been staring at Sana in what he could only imagine was awe. “What’s going to get violent?”

“Huh? Oh, she and Isak are biology partners. Their study sessions usually involve more than a little arguing.” Even eyed him, a knowing smile on his face. “She’s cool, huh?”

“Yeah…” Yousef spoke breathlessly. Even just laughed and pushed him back down the hall.

-----

The second time Yousef held a conversation with Sana, it was at a party, and neither of them wanted to be there.

Yousef wasn’t entirely sure why he’d agreed to go. Adam had found out about it from some person they used to go to school with, and he’d dragged everyone else to it with him. Now Yousef was left by himself, all of his friends having disappeared into the crowd.

He didn’t really get the appeal of parties like this. Maybe if you planned to get drunk or hook up with someone, it was fun, but he didn’t plan on doing either. He sighed inwardly and pushed his way into the kitchen to search - most likely in vain - for a bottle of water. In the relative quiet of the kitchen - compared to the sheer volume of the party in the surrounding rooms - he found Sana, leaning against the counter.

“Hello.” He said, announcing his presence. She glanced up, having apparently not seen him come in, and gave him a tight smile.

“Hi.”

He opened the refrigerator, rifling around until he managed to find something non-alcoholic - it was a brightly colored vitamin water that probably wasn’t good for him, but he would take what he could get. He leaned against the kitchen island and opened the cap, looking over at Sana. She was fidgeting with her phone, looking at the time several times as if she were antsy to leave.

“You don’t want to be here either, do you?” He tilted his head a bit, smiling at her. She looked at him and sighed, smiling back a little; Yousef had to quickly take a swig of his drink to stifle his reaction to the realization that she had dimples - dimples!

“Not really. My friends all disappeared to hook up with someone or another ages ago.”

“We’re in the same boat, then.” He lifted his honestly disgusting bottle of vitaminwater as if in a toast, and she laughed, nodding in his direction.

The conversation flowed easily after that. They chatted about their mutual exasperation with the messes they called their friends, which eventually transitioned into talking about each other. Yousef quickly found her to be quick-witted and sharp, snark coming as easily to her as breathing. But he also saw a layer of softness, hidden by an exterior of hardness. He saw it in how her face softened when she talked about her friends, or in how she’d roll her eyes but be unable to hide her smile when talking about her older brothers.

When the time finally came for them to leave, Yousef realized couldn’t help but be glad he’d gone to that party.

-----

Elias had melded into Yousef’s friend group like he’d always been there. Mutta had introduced him to them all just a few months ago, but they’d clicked so easily that Yousef found himself forgetting that they’d hadn’t always been friends. His exuberant and loud, yet caring and warmhearted nature made him fit right in with the rest of the boys, and Yousef was soon counting him as his closest friend.

It was their first time visiting his house, and they were all bickering over who could sit on the couch and who had to sit on the floor when Yousef was all but ordered into the kitchen for snacks. He took it without any complaint, somewhat eager to avoid the pillow fight he knew was coming from the way Mikael was holding that pillow and eying Adam mischievously.

He slipped into the kitchen and froze in his steps. Sitting at the table, staring at him like a deer in the headlights, was Sana.

“What are you-” They both started to say at the same time, then stopped. Yousef laughed a bit and Sana’s lips quirked in the way they did when she was trying not to smile. They’d talked a lot by now; they tended to go to the same parties (if Yousef went to a party, Even usually went too, which meant Isak and his friends would be invited, and then they would invite friends of their own who so happened to usually include Sana and her friends) and they’d started a habit of meeting in the kitchen - or wherever it was quietest - and talking. With every passing conversation, Yousef found his recent revelation become more and more solidified: Yousef Acar was very much in love with Sana.

“You’re one of my brother’s new idiot friends, huh?” Sana’s eyes twinkled teasingly. “I thought you were better than that.”

“Hey, I’m not one of the ones throwing your couch cushions, am I? That’s gotta count for something.”

She glanced behind him and rolled her eyes when she saw a bunch of fully grown men pummeling each other with throw pillows and laughing like children. “True. I guess you’re a little higher on the maturity scale than them.”

Yousef was certain he was glowing with pride. “Wow, is that a compliment? Did I just get complimented by you?”

“Don’t tell anyone.” She gave him a sharp look, that quickly softened into a smile.

“Yousef!” Adam’s voice rang out from the living room. “Where are the snacks?”

“Be patient!” Yousef yelled back. He turned back to Sana in silent question and she pointed to one of the cabinets. He grabbed one of the bags of chips shoved inside of it, mouthed ‘thank you’ to her, and went back out to join his friends.

The excitement of having food was enough to get them to stop their couch war, and they all were quickly distracted. All of them except, Yousef realized when he looked to the side, Elias, who was eying him suspiciously.

“Dude,” Elias glanced in the direction of the kitchen and lowered his voice. “Were you and my sister… flirting?”

“What?” Yousef panicked; was he really that obvious?

Elias stared at him for a long moment and Yousef’s panic only intensified. He knew from hearing Elias talk about his baby sister and from Sana talking about her ridiculous older brother that Elias was protective of her; what if he didn’t approve? What if he got angry and told him to avoid her forever?

“Sheesh,” was all Elias said. “I’d rather it be you than anyone else, I guess. Ugh, you two are going to be insufferable.”

And just like that, all Yousef’s anxiety left his shoulders.

-----

They’d been married for almost a year now, and Yousef had long lost count of how many conversations they’d had. Yousef cherished every single one, though. He cherished every time he could make her smile or laugh, he cherished every bit of sass she sent his way, he cherished every fact she’d tell him, her eyes bright with the excitement of knowing something new.

He loved her, wholly and completely. Even if she threatened him with pepper spray.

#skamficweek #skam fic week #yousef acar #sana bakkoush #yousana #elias bakkoush #even bech næsheim #skam #okay to reblog #my writing

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creativetattoos · 4 years

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#tattoo #fish

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toonietoon36 · 5 months

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Besties again

Softhugs belongs to @blogbomber00

#care bear cousins #care bears oc #carebears oc #carebears #care bears #softhugs bunny #sofhugs rabbit #warmheart deer

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dharmalivingit · 7 years

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Death and a flooding sun

by Savini Aspholt

On the 8th of March, my mother died. It was the first sunny day in weeks.

She had hoped to live another spring. She loved her garden – the fragrance of the soil in the spring time. The rusty statue of a deer by the pond, with one of the antlers missing. The birch trees. The stone wall flower beds. The big rocks leaning on each other, making a natural fireplace. The mighty mountains framing the garden and the houses in the small neighborhood.

This day in early March, the snow still embraced the mountains and the garden, like a thick winter blanket. Still covering the one-antlered deer, as it did that winter many years ago, when the antler broke.

My mother didn’t get to experience another spring. She got one last sunny day; The sound of the melting ice dripping from the roof. The shiny mountains outside the windows, like silent angel wings. Embracing everything. Untouched by everything.

One moment it’s here I had been with her night and day those last two weeks.

Eight months earlier my mother was a healthy 72 year old. In August she got to know that she had cancer, but most probably with many good years still to live. Only two weeks ago, they found out that the bone marrow cancer had evolved into blood plasma leukemia.

The sun felt almost brutally beautiful that day, shining so bright into the living room and into our breaking open hearts.

When mom woke up from her rest that afternoon, the connection in her eyes was slipping. She looked at me, without really seeing me. Disappearing into a space where I could not reach.

For some short moments she was back, meeting my eyes – with a little smile on her face, and a helpless acceptance in her eyes.

Shade for the dying The low afternoon sun was flowing into her bedroom. I don´t know if she was aware of it any longer. I don´t know how much she was still in touch with this world of her family, of the shining sun and the melting snow, of my father’s tears wetting her blanket. We hung bedsheets to give shade for her dying body. Two warmhearted nurses and friends came to help us, taking care of her with loving, trained hands.

The sun went down. Slowly, slowly everything dissolved into darkness. The forest disappeared. Her beloved garden disappeared. Only the starry night sky and the angel-wing shining mountains could still be seen outside the windows. The dimmed bedside lamp was the only light in the room.

Her body was still breathing. Breathing. Breathing.

I sat by her feet, held my hands on her ankles.

The loving nurses removed some sweaty clothes from her skin. Then. Suddenly. My mothers eyes changed, like a release of flowing emptiness. Her breath stopped.

What is left I sat with her empty body, while silence and her soul filled the room and the universe. We opened the windows, and she was – in the angel-wing mountains, in the starry sky, in our hearts.

In the bed lay the dead body of the woman that has carried me in her belly, who has raised me and taken care of me. Who I have longed for nearness with, and avoided to be close to. Who I have sought to be accepted and seen by, and many times have hidden my true face from. Who I have been bitter with and been hurt by – and who I myself have hurt and rejected. Who had pushed all my buttons, and triggered all my human dramas.

The bottom line; in bed lay the dead body of my mother, this woman I have loved – that I love – so much deeper than all this. That I am grateful for, so much deeper than all this.

Many times those last two weeks of her life, when I was with her and took care of her, when I sat by her and knew she was dying, I asked myself; is there anything I need to talk with her about before she dies?

I could not remember anything. I could not even remember what it should have been. In this space of death and love, none of our stories mattered. None of our hurts, dramas or differences, mattered. There was only love left.

I could feel her in the emptiness of the sky, in the fresh air I inhaled by this open window – in the peace that embraced me through this sacred night. And the morning after, she softly caressed me in the rays of the morning sun.

Not one single cloud entered the sky in the ten days from she died, until after her funeral.

“In this space of death and love, none of our stories mattered. None of our hurts, dramas or differences, mattered. There was only love left.”

My gratefulness to you My farewell with my mother, my gratefulness to her – was through holding her hand these sleepless nights when I helped her to the bathroom. Through wrapping her in with the duvet, and making her pillows right. Through letting her rest in my eyes in the gap in the middle of a sentence, when she had forgotten where the sentence had started and where it was supposed to go. By making her porridge in the morning, the way her mother had made it for her when she was sick as a child. To wet her dry lips that evening she died.

The funeral I looked at more as something «I just had to go through».

But the sun just wouldn’t stop shining. Even in the dark stave church the sun flooded in through the small windows, flowing over the golden chandelier and the cobwebs, her coffin and the flowers and the tears. My father’s shivering hands.

The funeral became a precious gift.

Where we can meet Something magical happened in those days around my mother’s death. In my family, and in the meetings with friends and strangers too. In this space of death and honesty and helplessness – We could meet naked. We could meet real, from the heart, from vulnerability.

Outside the local grocery shop, I met a close friend of my mother. We embraced each other for a long time there in the warmth of the sun, in the sound of melting snow dripping, and in the tears that ran down her cheeks.

Differences disappeared. We met in what we all have in common.

Love is love – No matter which religion you belong to. No matter which political opinion you have. No matter how you have chosen to live, if you are rich or poor, if you are educated or not.

– And death comes to us all.

A tumor in my breast Five months after my mother died, I found a big lump inside my right breast.

The doctor looked at me with serious eyes; «It is big», she said. «Yes», I answered, «it must have grown very fast».

«Do you have any cancer in the family?», she wondered.

«My mother died in March», I replied.

A few days later I was in the hospital for mammography, ultrasound and biopsy. The next weeks, the only thing I could do was to wait for the test results to be ready.

How can I share these days with you? How can I share the silence and the depth that followed? How can I share the helplessness in being reminded; my life is not in my hands, it can end at any moment?

I cried in seeing that I would maybe have to tell my children that I had cancer, just after they lost their grandmother so suddenly. I cried, till it really sunk in; it is not in my hands. There is absolutely nothing I can do for or against it.

Then, a relaxation, a landing – in trust.

Not the trust that « everything will be fine». Not the trust that «nothing will go wrong, I am not sick, I will not die».

Just trust.

Trust, no matter what comes. Trust, no matter what happens.

A seeing; there is a point, where life is not in my hands. My children’s lives are not in my hands. I can accept it – or I can suffer.

Die before you die One morning, close to the day I was supposed to receive the test results, by chance I looked at a picture of Swaha. Before any thought had the time to appear, tears started to flow down my face.

The questions arose: What if this is it? What if my life ends here, now? What if this is as long as I got the chance to serve the master? What if I have shared what I got the time to share this life, with my loved ones, with strangers, with the world?

What if I have seen Swaha’s face for the last time?

Soon we will start the winter retreat «Sacred Silence – from Death to Deathlessness» with Swaha in Dharma Mountain. We will have a 6-day meditation process called «Never Born, Never Died». A part of a process like this is that we are guided on an imaginary journey, closer and closer to our own death. Through facing our own mortality, we become more aware about how we are living. In inquiring into what is dying, we may glimpse what is not dying.

In life, many times we do not get this chance to prepare ourselves for death. Many times death comes unexpected.

«Die before you die», is the invitation from the mystics.

“How lucky I am, to have loved so much, to have danced so much, laughed so much, cried so much – and dived so deep.”

What if this is it? What if there are no six months left to live, no one month left to live? What if there is no time to finish what I would like to finish? What if this is it?

I cried the whole day. First in a flood – this life is so beautiful, it is so precious – there is so much beauty still to be shared, so much aliveness, tears and laughter still to burst. So much love to shower. And I felt this urge; I don´t want to lose it, I don´t want to lose this chance.

Then, more and more, the tears came in gratitude, in awe. In seeing; if this life ends here – how lucky I have been!

How lucky I am to have lived this life, to have flowed with a living master, to have surrendered to love, to him. How lucky I am, to have loved so much, to have danced so much, laughed so much, cried so much – and dived so deep.

Life has already given me so much more than I could ever have dreamt about. How can I ask for more?

The gift I don´t have cancer. The tumor was removed, studied and analyzed. It was no cancer.

Many times, when someone dies or gets sick, I hear people saying; «It is so unfair». As if life and health is a «right» we have. So often we are taking life for granted.

What if we turn it around?

I have done nothing to «deserve» life. There is nothing I have accomplished that makes life a «right» of mine. And there is nothing I could have done.

Every breath – every single breath I inhale – is a bonus.

Instead of asking for more, instead of begging for more or demanding more – let me be thankful for every moment I am blessed with, every sun ray that touches my face, every breeze that caresses me. And every storm that shakes me too.

Let me not forget, for one single moment, the mortality of this body.

That reminds me how lucky I am – how lucky I am to dance in this sacred body on this sacred earth! For a short moment of time.

Savini has been involved in the work around Swaha’s retreats for many years. She enjoys writing and photography, and loves to dive into the depths of her own soul and of the forest.

Death and a flooding sun was originally published on Dharma Mountain

#dharmamountain

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toonietoon36 · 5 months

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Warmheart deer (they/them)

#carebears oc #warmheart deer #care bears #care bears oc #care bear cousins #care bear cousins oc

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rilenerocks · 5 years

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And then there were the faceless thousands who died, were maimed or survived and went back to their lives. Being on that ground was a moving experience. Times gone by in a flash of chaos.

Pushing the Margins There are the days when you've just had it up to here. You feel your aging body and you see it too.

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rilenerocks · 5 years

Text

And then there were the faceless thousands who died, were maimed or survived and went back to their lives. Being on that ground was a moving experience. Times gone by in a flash of chaos.

Pushing the Margins There are the days when you've just had it up to here. You feel your aging body and you see it too.

0 notes

rilenerocks · 5 years

Text

And then there were the faceless thousands who died, were maimed or survived and went back to their lives. Being on that ground was a moving experience. Times gone by in a flash of chaos.

Pushing the Margins There are the days when you've just had it up to here. You feel your aging body and you see it too.

0 notes

rilenerocks · 5 years

Text

And then there were the faceless thousands who died, were maimed or survived and went back to their lives. Being on that ground was a moving experience. Times gone by in a flash of chaos.

Pushing the Margins There are the days when you've just had it up to here. You feel your aging body and you see it too.

0 notes

rilenerocks · 5 years

Text

And then there were the faceless thousands who died, were maimed or survived and went back to their lives. Being on that ground was a moving experience. Times gone by in a flash of chaos.

Pushing the Margins There are the days when you've just had it up to here. You feel your aging body and you see it too.

0 notes