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ktzuki · 1 month

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sit on me;

izuku x reader, university au

✎ synopsis — there were no more seats, so izuku offered you a seat. on his lap 🤞(only BORDERLINE suggestive)

✎ a/n — bnha fandom i am here again but for my manz izuku. he is just so.... arrggghhh i love older izu aus hes everything to me

"yn, the movies starting!!" ochako screamed. your uni flatmates decided to host a movie night, and with all the stress from finals... it was really something you appreciated.

"on my way! blame kirishima for wanting so many snacks!" you retort, scurrying to the living room where everyone else was.

what bad luck you had. normally the couch was able to hold the lot of you, but jirou had invited her boyfriend, kaminari, to the party. and for the first time, you had the courage to invite your literature classmate, and crush, izuku midoriya.

"theres no more seats..." you mumbled from the kitchen doorway. you werent sure what to do, since this was a problem that never came up. you didnt want to kick anyone off, or disturb anyone since everyone looked comfortable. you also felt a bit down as you missed your chance to sit next to izuku. you knew the others would take a hint, but you never told any of them about your feelings. in the midst of your overthinking, you hadnt noticed the slight turn of izukus head towards your direction. he watched you for a bit as you couldnt come to a solution.

"you can sit on me if you want."

the room fell into silence at izukus statement, jaws dropping in the process. you werent sure if you heard that correctly, nor did anyone else for that matter, as the boy never usually had that kind of confidence — that was something youd expect from kaminari, or bakugo with his girlfriend (a sight youd never expect to see).

"woah, izuku... who knew you were so manly!" kirishima broke the silence, smacking izukus back in the process.

"yeah... woah...!!" "okay puller!!" "sit on- ????"

said boy only blinked his eyes a few times before the realisation of what he really said washed through him. in just a few seconds, he found himself stuttering and waving his hands in the air, sweating profusely. "i-i meant on my lap! seriously! i mean!! she looked stressed!! i didnt mean anything bad i promise!"

you had nothing to say, except laugh. his rambling was sort of cute. but you knew izuku was just a friend, he was only being considerate — its in his nature. "come on guys, you know what midoriya meant."

despite being incredibly shy when it came to all things izuku, you didnt want to miss this chance. you walked over to him, sitting across his lap and resting your back on the arm rest. the edge of the armrest was hard, so izuku slipped his arm there before you even laid your back. his arm was eventually going to ache, you thought, but he still did it anyways. everyone else seemed to have gotten distracted or bored after seeing izukus reaction, and went onto their usual chit chatter before starting the movie.

"thank you midoriya. i didnt know what to do." you quietly admitted, a bit flustered as you were sitting on his lap, playing with your hands awkwardly.

"no worries. i know how it is to overthink. i just hope youre comfortable?" he asked with a sheepish smile, noticing how awkward you were. it took you aback — was he always this thoughtful?

"y-yeah. i am." you looked away, not being able to bare any more eye contact with him. you guys were only friends, and you hadnt been in a relationship in years... maybe thats why you felt the way you did.

the movie went on, entrancing everyone into it. you on the one hand couldnt focus on anything but the mere fact you were sitting on izukus lap, and you werent sure why you even did so. the urge just to melt into him was strong, but you prevailed since you convinced yourself you "didnt want to take advantage of his kindness", even though the boy fully invited you to get comfortable. your neck was currently in a bit of pain from craning it to the side, and you felt too shy to move incase you block his vision or invade his personal space. why did you sit in this position? were you dumb? you were literally frozen trying to not distract him from the movie — something you wish youd be enjoying too.

"your necks going to hurt if you keep on craning it that way. wanna face forward?" midoriya whispered in your ear as to not disturb the others. you felt how close he was in the midst of your overthinking, and it jolted you, oblivious to midoriya. it made him chuckle, but his breath against your skin lingered even when you jolted away. you wanted to chase that feeling again, but fought against it.

"if thats fine... with you i mean!" you exclaimed — you were so thankful it was dark. you didnt want him to see you flustered over his actions when he was just trying to be kind. you wouldnt have minded sitting on anyone elses lap at this moment of time, or even the floor. his actions didnt make you uncomfortable, but rather made you want to-

"of course yn. get as comfortable as you want! think of me as like... a chair!" he quietly joked. you couldnt find that funny in the way he did, but it definitely felt funny to you. it didnt help how you were already feeling. the butterflies in your stomach were running rampage, and below that... you just hoped he didnt feel anything on his thighs. he clearly didnt realise what he was saying... or maybe that was just you feeling otherwise. still, you shifted yourself and found yourself comfortable in his lap, your back now on his chest, faces just cms apart.

for the rest of the movie, you calmed yourself down and found comfort in your position. normally, your mind would be running miles over being this close, to the point where you could count every freckle, but something about him was warm, and his steady heartbeat lulled you to sleep.

when you awoke, you found the movie was already over. you shuffled around, trying to wake yourself up after a good rest. you couldnt see anyone else, so you figured everyone had left after the movie ended.

"awake?"

you jumped, not expecting anyone to be around. "midoriya?"

"you were asleep on my lap, remember?" he reminded, albeit sheepishly, "you fell asleep."

"oh my god yes! im so sorry. i mustve kept you there for-" you turned to check the time, "hours!! im so sorry midoriya!"

he waved one of his hands in response, putting his phone down in the process. "its okay - you looked so comfortable i didnt wanna wake you."

"ugh... i so owe you. thank you for everything tonight." you sighed. if it wasnt for midoriya, you mightve considered leaving movie night as a whole.

his eyes lingered on you, but so did yours.

"yn?" you looked at him, "could i..."

you could practically see the clogs in his head whirring. there was nothing he could possibly be thinking about, except getting sleep for a long day of lectures tomorrow. he was stuck overthinking as to what he should say or maybe how he should say it, and in that time you found yourself admiring his features. since you and izuku were just friends, you never got the chance to see him up close — how did you never notice how pretty he was?

he probably didnt want what you were hoping he would want. with a sigh, you got yourself ready to leave, wanting to wash all your inappropriate thoughts about midoriya away as to not make this awkward for yourself in the future. he was still your classmate after all. he noticed you shuffling, and that broke him out of his trance. he infact did want what you want. in the first place, he only asked out of kindness, but things changed over time, for example, when you were shuffling against him — he couldnt believe how stupidly oblivious he was. just as you were about to stand, you felt the hem of your shirt being grabbed, "come back."

you looked back, confused. did you get the wrong idea? "please." he asked. and that answered everything. you felt like a giddy highschooler.

in a trance, you found yourself back on his lap, lips on his, minds blank. one thing lead to another, and you began straddling his hips, and his hands found themselves under your shirt. good thing no one else was around.

for the first time in forever, the two of you couldnt even think.

#just a thought i had the other day and couldnt stop thinking about it #not revised kill me #mha x reader #bnha x reader #izuku x reader #deku x reader #bakugo x reader #todoroki x reader #bakugou katsuki #midoriya izuku #shoto todoroki #katsuki bakugo x reader #izuku midoriya x reader #todoroki shoto x reader #bakugou x reader #deku fluff #bakugo fluff #todoroki fluff #mha fluff

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anadiasmount · 8 months

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tainted memories - jude bellingham.

wow wow okay hi!! sorry for the break i took. i began uni again after my holiday so i haven’t been as active on here. but i received this request for jude, and decided to try it out. please leave some feedback as us writers appreciate it a lot 🤍🧟‍♀️

summary: breaking up wasn’t apart of the plan. so was also inviting him to your friends party, but now that he’s back after seven months, a little rekindle never hurts anyone, right?

angst? smut and fluff. minors dni! 🔞

wc: 3.6k

“need any help?” you turned slowly to be faced with those soft brown eyes. his plump lips drew in as he peeked his head through the door. you shook your head and got back to washing the dishes. “you going to continue ignoring me?” he said causing you to begin breathing quicker than before, after feeling his presence come behind you.

you were in charge of one of your girlfriends all -white all-white-themed surprise party, in honor of her birthday. this meant you’d see jude after breaking up over 7 months ago, since your friends were friends with his. while seeing familiar faces made you happy, you couldn't help but feel sad all over again. jude and you ended on good terms, so he thought, after he stressed he wanted to focus on his last months at dortmund and start with his new team in madrid.

you didn’t want to split, rather try and make your relationship work and get through the obstacles you were bound to face together. you physically and mentally weren't prepared to let him go, he was your person, the person who never failed to make you feel like the luckiest girl. you were his, but instead, you let him go, and respected what he asked.

you began a new cycle all over again, from having that hard shell that protected you to being his girlfriend, then back to being that old person you were building your walls up again. people came and went in your life, its what you were used to, and you thought with jude it was different… he made you feel different, in many positive aspects, always supportive, loving, caring, and soft with you.

maybe you pushed him away? maybe you gave him a reason to leave? maybe you weren’t enough for him?

jude being jude still tried to keep contact, he would text, sometimes call, but you knew deep inside you wouldnt be able to move on if he was still present. it hurt because he wasn’t yours anymore, you still loved him, after months being apart, he still brought that spark inside you to burst. it was his effect burned inside you.

the familiar perfume and scent blinded your senses, when you felt two arms trap you from behind, two hands on the edge of the counter. “you haven’t said a single word to me y/n…” you shuddered as he whispered in your ear, his nose tracing your jaw down to the nape of your neck. “say something, please…” the pleading in his voice broke your heart. you dried your hands and turned around.

his face centimeters apart from yours, where you could see his brows fluttering in and eyes darker than usual. “excuse me,” you tried to move out of the way but he refused, “no. did i say or do something? you don’t answer my calls? my messages? tell me why.” you opened your mouth to speak but instead you shook your head again, attempting to move out the way, you still had the responsibility of the party, that was your priority right now.

“y/n-”

“no. you don’t get to do that. you said you wanted your space, and i’m respecting that. i don’t have to give you reasons as to why i’m not speaking with you, jude. what we had was said and done, you wanted to focus on yourself and that's great- “

“y/n? are you done with the dishes were waiting on you to surprise emmy,” one of your friends said, becoming slightly awkward at the room with your ex. she sensed the high tension so she quickly went back outside. jude’s hand wrapped around your wrist, your attention back on him, “we're talking later. we ended on good terms and i plan for them to remain that way,” jude insisted, to which you only nodded your head.

he was confused. for once in his life he was confused that you were such a stranger around him. the girl that stayed up with him while he reminisced and spoke of his early days at birmingham, the one and only girl his mum loved and adored, his girl who made his favorite dish after a bad game, the girl who smiled only around him, the only girl who never failed to bring and feel butterflies in him, the one girl who defended him always, and that girl who made him into a bigger and better person. that girl, his girl, wasn’t there anymore.

maybe he lost you for good? maybe you didn’t love him anymore? maybe you were seeing someone? no, you were his, only his.

the night was successful, the surprise went to plan, and everyone was having a good time. although you were still stuck from earlier, trying to do anything to distract your thoughts from him, whether it was picking up cups, heating up food, talking with your girls especially, and drink the special cocktail you loved dearly. your eyes trailed over to him again, where you locked eye contact for the hundredth time that night. he looked good, way too good, twenty was treating him right.

“you and jude keep ogling? something going on?” you friend asked, catching onto the lingering glances. she took a sip of her red cup, “nothing really. he wants to talk but i don't know if i’m ready for that. i knew he would be coming, but i wasn’t prepared to see him like that. what if he tells me he found someone else? or that-” you panic rubbing your forehead with your palm.

“first breathe, i’m here with you. as much as it may hurt or feel slightly uncomfortable, it's the closure you may need to move on. but what if he wants to talk with you to rekindle again? do you think you would be open to that? and if he says he’s someone else, show him what he will miss on. you're beautiful y/n, and he was lucky to have you once in his life, just don’t let him bring you down again…”

she was right. if he did move on, that wasn’t your place to meddle, you’d have to let him go and be happy for him. but if he did want to consider getting back together, why now? why now when he’s living his best life in madrid? why now after saying he wanted to focus on himself? why now when you’re trying to avoid those soft brown eyes who once brought happiness to you, still do…

“just think about it yeah? right now lets dance, distract yourself from him and the world,” she yelled as soon as krazy by pitbul begin to play. you laughed and danced with your girls, letting loose and for once not caring for what anyone said or did. you threw back two shots, knowing they weren’t going to do anything as you weren't a lightweight.

as the night came to an end, mostly everyone had left, besides him. you said your goodbyes to your friends, offering them leftovers of food and cake, making sure to wish them a be careful, and promising to hang out soon. you sighed tiredly closing the front door, looking over at the big couch that drew you in to sit down on. jude appears, but all you do is stare at your hands, tracing the small tattoos you have to get rid of the anxiety beginning to build up.

“i want to apologize, you were right. i did say i wanted to focus on myself but i was stupid thinking it would’ve still meant us talking like we always did. part of me never wanted to let go of you, and still doesn’t. i thought that i was doing the right thing but in the end i learned the hard way that not only was i hurting myself but you along…” jude says, watching as your head slowly lifts up, your cheeks burning red.

“while it was hard on me, my mind always traced back to you. how your eyes filled with confusion and tears when i broke up with you. i get why you didn’t want anything to do with me, but believe me it was harder to not hear or see you on the daily. please don’t blame yourself for one bit, or think you aren’t enough because you’re more than perfect than what i could’ve asked for…”

“i needed to get away from you, but it's hard doing that when your ex-boyfriend is the talk of the town,” you joke hearing him let out a small chuckle. “i wanted to so badly respond to hear your voice, how you were doing, talk about our silly work problems but i knew if that i continued to hold onto the hope one day you’d come back, it would hurt more than loving you every day,” you said.

“i was confused yeah, but i needed to think on the brighter side that you were doing this for yourself and not for any other reason. I just wanted the best for you and i thought that distancing myself was the best idea… i still love you so much jude, and this, us, hurts. i’m not yours, and i can’t call you mine anymore, i can’t hold or kiss you, love you like i did…” you continued.

“when i heard you weren’t doing okay after three months i almost caved in, but i thought you would’ve hated me or worse just not care. and to not have you like i once did was taking a toll on me. my mom was concerned as to why we broke up, but i couldn’t tell her the truth. i hurt you and im so sorry baby…” jude cried out, grabbing your hands and kissing over your knuckles.

“I want and need you back… i still love you more than ever, and if you let me i can prove to you im now a better and mature man…” he pauses and breathes in, “leaving you was the scariest thing i’ve encountered, not having you by my side taught me i can't live or sleep without you there…”

“and if you say all of this to just leave me again? or you regret your decision to get back with me?” you can’t help but ask, letting a few tears out. what if it got too much for him? you wouldn’t be able to live with another heartache caused by him again. you need to hear him say he’s in it for the long run, not one where he can just up and go whenever he pleases.

“i can assure you right here, right now, that you’re it for me. you’re my future wife, the mother to my kids, the only person i want to grow old with. the only girl who’ll support me at the end of the day no matter what. the only woman who i will forever love and cherish…” you giggle and choke on a sob, feeling jude’s thumb wipe away the tears.

“don’t leave me… that all i ask. but i need you too jude. all i ask is for you to communicate with me, for us to give each other the assurance we need to move forward, that at the end of the day you’re the only one i come back to, to watch spy kids over and over again,” you say making him chuckle, watching as he let out some tears. You wiped them away, brushing your thumb over his soft cheek, his eyes closing at the feeling. “So were really doing this?” you ask. “yes we are really doing this…” jude says leaning and scooting closer to you.

you leaned in, his eyes slowly fluttering closed, was this real? the touch of his lips connecting with yours confirmed it. the way his larger hand cupped your cheek and pulled closer, completely taking your breath away. you whimpered softly as his tongue entered your mouth, him groaning at the smallest sound you made. you brought your hands and cupped his upper shoulders before bringing your smaller palm on his cheek.

jude pulled you onto his lap where you felt the big prominent bulge, leaning forward and grabbing your torso to hold you in place. his lips quickly connected back with yours, tilting his head to the side a bit as he pulled you closer, chest to chest. “jude…” you let out quietly, the tension all becoming too much, too hot…

“yes? fuck- d-do you wanna stop?” he whispered faintly on your lips, to which you shook your head no. you leaned back slightly, your hands going back to unzip the white dress you were wearing, jude’s eyes roaming from your swollen lips down to your chest where your white lace bra covered what he wanted to see. “are you sure? i don’t want you to regret this y/n…”

“i’m more than sure that i want this… i need you, jude. just like you just said…” he groaned and pulled you back towards him, where he kissed your lips like a hungry starved man. peppering kisses from your jaw, down to your neck, and that exact spot he manages to find that makes you go crazy. he bites down gently then sucks the skin where he marked you, kissing softly over it. “i need you too. need you so bad my cock’s aching to feel you again…”

he lays you down onto the plushy soft couch, grabbing a pillow and laying underneath your head. jude quickly removes the dress but leaves you with your white undergarments, his hands dragging your sides, observing your body like it would be his last time seeing it. you begin to cover yourself but he stops you, grabbing your hands with one of his and trapping them above you head.

he kisses you softly on your lips, then your forehead in reassurance, “don’t cover up baby. you’re so beautiful and all mine, yeah?” you nodded leaning up to kiss him again. he lets go of your hands, watching as you sit up again, overlooking at your fingers fidgeting with the button on his top. he lets you do it, your warm palms connecting with now his bare chest, running your thumb over his nipple, looking up shyly to see jude bitting his bottom lip.

as you lay back down, you watch as he removes his pants, his erected cock lined against his black calvins. “staring at me now?” jude teased, his hands resting on your knees as he pulled them apart to settle between them. “can’t help it, jude. you’re so handsome,” you complimented watching as he smirked. “and i’m all yours, right? say it y/n…”

“all mine.”

“good. because all that nonsense from before isn’t true. you’ve always been mine… only mine.” jude removed your bra, kissing from your collarbone down through your sternum, to finally sucking the hard erected nipple into his mouth. a soft moan left your lips, arching your back just a bit, while your hands gently grabbed his head. you didn’t expect your night to end like this, but you weren’t complaining since jude knew what exactly to do. he knew what brought you to the point where you saw only stars.

your eyes connected, watching as he flatly laid his warm tongue on the bud before sucking it again, twisting the tip of his tongue before doing the same to the other nipple. you felt as his lips traced all over your abdomen and hipbone, feeling as he removed the only thing that was left covering you. “can i taste you? make you cum all over my tongue again?” you moaned at his words, telling him to go on.

one hand kept your inner thigh open, as the other one rested over his shoulder. he kissed along the inner flesh before kissing and sucking your clit into his mouth. he groaned, watching as your eyes rolled back. his tongue moved up and down various on the small bead before going left to right, kitty licking all the way down to your coated entrance. “oh fuck!” you yelled out, as he brought two fingers and began to flick them in and out, hitting that certain spot that brought you closer and closer than ever.

he tilted his head to the side, his curls ticking your inner thigh as he began to flick over your clit once again. Jude’s fingers now flicking inside you, “i can’t, i’m close jude…” you said bringing your hands to play with your tits. “yeah? then cum for me y/n. cum all over my tongue like i asked,” to which you yelped and moaned as you felt on cloud nine again, closing your eyes and letting the feeling of euphoria linger all over you body.

he overstimulated you just for a bit, then kissed all the way back up again to your lips, where gripped your hips, grinding into you to relieve himself. “you feel that? that’s how you make me feel baby…” he whispers feeling as your hand slides down his abs, to the waistband of his underwear. the kiss is heated, tongues fighting for dominance, jude pulling away sometimes to groan or moan against your neck, as you gave him the sloppiest handjob.

feeling as he twitches on your palm as you guide your hand up and down, tugging and wrapping your grip tightly before soothing over it. “i need to cum… but not like this. can i fuck you now?” he admits, looking over and making sure there are no signs of you being unsure or regret. “please jude, i want to feel you a-ag-again…” you shuddered as you felt his hot tip being dragged up and down your slit.

one hand helped him stay up, while the other one guided his cock inside you, the familiar stretch of your walls as he easily slides into you. the two of you moan in delight, stunned at the pleasure as jude begins to roll his hips, going deeper and deeper. arching your back as he pulled out his cock and then quickly rolled back in. “jude..” you moan like a devotion, squeezing him tight, hearing him let out a grunt before feeling him thrust back into you.

you cry out as you feel his big length find a nice wave of ecstasy for the two of you, jude’s head falling into your shoulder trying to hold back from cumming on the spot. “you feel so so so good baby. such a tight pussy for me…” he moans out when you scratch his back and grip his biceps. you look down to see where your bodies meet, a wet mess that has you rolling your head back again.

“oh god jude… you’re so deep i can’t-” you turn your head to the side as he finds your g-spot thrusting over and over again, his hips slapping against yours. it couldn't get more better than this. jude grabs your chin and kisses you passionately, swallowing your moans and pleads. “you’re gonna cum for me? need and want you to cum on my cock y/n… show me how much of a good girl you are and cum on my cock, baby.”

jude makes it his goal to have you cumming for him, but you try to hold off so you can cum together. every cell in your body is on fire, ready to burst into fire because it feels so good. it gets harder by the second as he picks up the pace, his thrusts sloppier by the second, moaning your name, resulting in you clenching around him. you're unable to form coherent words, just hearing his breathing getting louder, your chest rising. “i’m nearly there y/n, want you to cum with me, can you do that?”

“yes jude… but i beg you to please don’t stop it.”

jude let’s go of your hips, forehead falling with yours as he reaches his high, feeling his cock twitching inside you, his cum lacing your wet walls with his release. your body tenses for a second, the hot feeling now being replaced by cold waves as you cum, lazily kissing as jude lays on your chest. “i love you, y/n, so much.”

“i love you too Jude. forever like we promised.”

after going up for a shower, jude takes care of you, since you were unable to walk properly. he makes sure you’re hydrated, wearing the plaid shorts you love with a black long sleeve, him just an old pair of boxers he still had lying in your flat, he checks that all lighting units downstairs are off, grabbing the box of cookies and goldfish to eat.

he pulls you into his embrace, hugging your waist never letting go, constantly softly kissing your cheek like he always did. after he uses the restroom and helps you brush your teeth, you’re lying on your bed, the white sheets covering your shivering bodies.

jude lays on top of your chest again, his right hand sliding up and down your side, his head resting comfortably on the crook of your neck, his eyes fluttering and smiling when you kiss his temple lovingly. “go to sleep jude… you need it, i’m not going anywhere,” you promise feeling as he wraps you closer to him. “don’t ever let me go please, just want you here like this all the time…” he confesses, his head coming up to see your glowy eyes.

“i’m not gonna… i feel safe and at home in your arms like this jude. so no, i’m not letting you go again or ever,” you stick with your word. jude’s lips softly kiss yours, tasting your cherry chapstick with a hint of mint.

“goodnight princess. i love you.”

#jude bellingham #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham smut #jude bellingham blurb #jude bellingham one shot #football imagine #football smut #football x reader #football fanfic #jude bellingham x y/n #jude bellingham x you

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pensat-i-fet · 7 months

Text

Better than me (Rúben Dias x Reader)

**Back with another request. For this one, I was asked to write about Rúben feeling a little insecure and jealous too. I think it turned out quite cute so hopefully you enjoy too ❤️**

Word count: 2561

Masterlist

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"We're fucked!"

Rúben was in a terrible mood after the match. They won, so that was good. But Rodri, arguably their most important player, got a red card. So he was bound to miss at least the next three matches. Fantastic.

"Huh?", you asked, quickly looking up from your phone while he drove.

"The next few matches. It'd be hard to win without Rodri".

"Well, sure. But they have you so it'll be fine".

He wasn't so sure but appreciated your compliments and optimism.

Rúben hadn't been feeling very optimistic himself lately. Or great. And one of the main reasons for that was you. Not that you had done anything per se but…the insecurity he felt was mainly caused by your intelligence and your friendship with Rodri.

You had met Laura, Rodri's partner, at work. Both of you being young doctors, an instant friendship blossomed between you two. Also, you always wanted to learn to speak Spanish so having a Spanish friend was great. And Rodri became a friend quickly too so that was two Spanish friends.

It was through these friends you met Rúben. Laura thought it could be fun to introduce you to each other and play matchmaker. Both of you were grateful for that. And, of course, double dates were a constant occurrence once you and Rúben made your relationship official.

Since everyone always praised Rodri for being the humble guy who went to uni and dated a doctor, and basically not being the typical footballer, Rúben expected the same when people found out about your relationship but…the reaction was slightly different. Not that anyone saw Rúben as stupid or anything but he wasn't considered to be as smart as Rodri. Where was his uni diploma? So what he saw was many comments asking how such a smart woman could be with him. Banter mostly, but it could hurt.

"Do you need help with your wound?", you asked when you noticed you were almost back home.

Rúben had a little wound on his thigh and one of the perks of dating a doctor was that you could look after it.

"I'm good. Thanks".

"It could still get infected, you know?"

"I know. I'm not dumb".

His tone confused you. Where did that reaction come from? But he had been in a terrible mood since the match ended so you guessed it was all about that. Little did you know…

And he had reasons to worry. City were out of the Carabao Cup after losing their match against Newcastle. Rodri didn't play…but neither did Rúben. So none of them were to blame for it.

But then came the Wolves match. Rúben started that match and quickly made his mark…by scoring an own goal. You were watching the match at home and hoping he could turn it around during what was left of the match. Otherwise, he was going to blame himself for the loss. You just knew it.

“Hey”.

“Hi”, he said back, sighing and sitting down next to you.

“Want cuddles?”

“Will they make my own goal disappear?”

“I wish but they can make you feel a bit better”.

You turned the TV off and laid down so Rúben could do the same next to you and you cuddled. It felt nice after a long week at work. And it was nice for Rúben to feel loved after such a tough day.

Rúben’s phone broke the peace and he had to get up to answer it.

“It’s my parents. I’ll be right back”.

You used that time to go to the kitchen and see what you two could have for dinner. And while you were still deciding, Rúben came back from the room.

“Everything ok?”

“Yes, they just wanted to see how I was doing”.

“That’s nice”, you smiled and went back to looking at the fridge. “We don’t have much. Maybe we could order something”.

“Yeah. We’ll go to the supermarket tomorrow. That fridge looks so empty and sad”.

You chuckled. It really did. “We’ll do the shopping list later. Let’s order food now. I’m starving”.

The whole time at dinner, you tried to make Rúben feel better. He could be so dramatic after one bad match and you didn't want him to stay in that mindset for long.

"Ok, dishwasher full and ready. Should we do that shopping list now?"

"Yes!", you answered, getting your notes app ready to write down all the things you needed to get. "Let's not go crazy with the fresh food, we just need enough for you".

"What do you mean? Are you not planning on eating?"

"I won't be here to eat. Didn't you read my text?"

Rúben picked up his phone. He had ignored it after the match, except to answer his parents' call. But there it was, your text. Well, there was more than one but he knew which one you meant. The one where you said you were going to spend a few days in Madrid with Laura…and with Rodri.

You kept checking the kitchen to see what you might need and didn’t notice Rúben staring at his phone.

“I think I need shampoo. I’m going to check”.

He then looked up to see you going to the bathroom and sighed. “I hate this”.

But the next morning, he drove both of you to the supermarket to do the weekly shop. And every time you mentioned picking up something for the trip, he wanted to scream.

“Do you think I need a plug for my chargers? Spanish plugs are different to ours. Or will Laura have enough for all of us? Maybe I should call her”.

“I’m sure Rodri has it all under control”, he muttered and you turned to give him a look.

“Ok? I'll still ask”.

That was the first little dig. Then came the second, and the third…

“Rúben, have you and Rodri had any issues lately?”, you finally asked.

“No. Why would you ask?”

“I don’t know, but you keep being weird whenever he’s mentioned for no reason. Maybe we should cancel tonight’s dinner”.

“Tonight…what happens tonight?”

“Rúben, we talked about having dinner with them a week ago. I put it on your calendar”.

“Right…yeah…no, I’ll go. We’ll go. It’ll be fine”.

And it was fine, for the most part. You still noticed Rúben acting in an odd way but didn’t want to bring attention to it.

“We can’t wait to show you around Madrid”, said Laura. “Well, Rodri will be the tour guide. It’s his city. You’ll love it”.

“I know I will”.

“I actually got the perfect tour ready for you”, told you Rodri. “Since I didn’t have to play, I got some free time to get it all sorted. I checked all the places I think you’ll like to prioritize those. It's a perfect plan”.

“That’s so thoughtful. Thank you”, you said. Your smile was so big and that made Rúben feel so shitty again.

“You’ll have to see if you prefer Lisbon or Madrid”, joked Rodri, winking at Rúben but Rúben didn’t want to laugh.

“Well, Lisbon was amazing so you’ll have to really prepare the best tour to make me love Madrid more”.

“How did Rúben show you his city when you first went there?”, asked Laura. Such an innocent question, but not what Rúben wanted to hear.

“I didn’t prepare anything special. Just showed her around”.

Everyone at the table noticed Rúben’s tone and decided to move on to other topics, but you didn’t get his response out of your head. You couldn’t. So you had to bring it up when you were back home.

“What was all that about at dinner?”

“What do you mean?”

“You got all moody when Laura asked you about us being in Lisbon and seeing the city”.

He sighed. “I just don’t get why you are with me sometimes”.

What was he saying now?

That was a pretty strange statement. And one that made you stop to think about how to approach it.

“I could make you a list”, you tried a joke. Those worked sometimes. But not at that specific moment.

“And then I could make you one that shows why you should be with someone like Rodri instead”.

Someone like Rodri? “Why would I want to be with someone like him?”

“He’s not even your boyfriend and still is better at being one than me. I mean, preparing a tour just for you? Come on. He can do everything better than me. On and off the pitch”.

“Are you bothered by that?”

“I’m bothered by how inferior I feel next to him”.

“Since when?”, he never mentioned that.

“Since the first comment about how hard to believe it was that a doctor would date a football player”.

“But Rodri…he does too. So do others. Didn’t Mata date one? Maybe he still does”.

“Yes, and what do they have in common?”

“They are from Spain?”

Rúben let his head fall and put his hands on his face. It was all in his head, he knew it. He knew you couldn’t understand him. And he felt too dumb to explain it properly.

“They are both humble. Normal. Too normal to be footballers. And smart. Of course business degree Rodri can date a doctor. But me? I’m a joke next to them”.

You sat down next to him and took one of his hands in between yours, placing it on your thigh.

“Rúben, you’re smart. I wouldn’t date you if you weren’t”, he looked away but you continued. “Everyone knows you’re smart. On and off the pitch. You keep being praised for your intelligence all the time. And it makes me proud to see that. Also, you speak two languages fluently and I almost fainted trying to say the few sentences you taught me in Portuguese. That level of fluency takes brainpower. And you have plenty of it”.

“The comments…”.

“Maybe you should stop reading comments of people talking about relationships they are not a part of. What do they know? About you or about Rodri? Nothing. I’m the one who knows you and who chooses to be with you. Shouldn’t my opinion mean more?”

“Yes, but…”, he knew you were right but still didn’t feel like he could accept it fully. “But what if I’m not enough in the future? There is a limit to my intelligence, you know? I’m not studying. I don’t keep on learning like you do. The most I do is watch a documentary every once in a while”.

“I don’t need you to be a bloody encyclopedia, Rúben!”

“But I want to be one so I don’t embarrass you!”

He then got up and even though his back was to you, you could imagine how hurt he looked.

“You won’t embarrass me”.

“I was at that work dinner last month and…I felt so stupid. Like I haven’t before. You know, when you work every day with people who can’t even spell the word encyclopedia, you do feel as smart as one. But then reality hit me. Everyone there was so smart. Like you. That’s the people you work with. And Rodri was chatting with all of them and talking about everything like he was one of them. While I was just asked about my gym routine and what I ate to keep my muscles so big”.

“I’m sorry they made you feel like that”, you said, slowly walking towards him to wrap your arms around his waist. “But just so you know, I would never date a doctor. They’re unbearable”.

You chuckled but he didn’t join you so you squeezed his waist to try and show him your love somehow. It was you who felt stupid then. Not knowing what to do to comfort your boyfriend.

“Rúben, do you want me to stay?”

“No, go to Madrid. Have fun. I won’t ruin your plans”.

“You’re more important than a trip. I can go to Madrid whenever”.

“No”, he turned to look at your face. “I’m stupid, ok? It’s a lot sometimes. And all the comments about Rodrid don’t help. All the stats about how shit we are without him. Those don’t help”.

“Well, whenever you feel like that, talk to me. So I can reassure you about whatever you need to be reassured about, ok?”

He nodded. It was him who needed to hold you tightly at that moment and you felt really happy when he did. And relieved. He wasn’t going anywhere and neither were you.

“Really, I can stay…”.

“No. Go on your trip. I’ll be waiting here for you. And buy me a gift while you’re there”.

“What do people buy in Madrid as souvenirs?”

“I don’t know but I’m sure Rodri will know”.

“Looking forward to that Atleti fridge magnet he’ll make me buy”, you laughed.

Your time in Madrid was great. The tour Rodri got ready for you was fantastic. But you missed Rúben. And worried about him. So you kept texting him photos of the places you visited and updating him.

-“You took me to get ice cream the moment we left the house so that's a point for you. 1-0”.

-“Oh wait, Rodri bought us churros. 1-1”.

-“Why are these churros so good? 🤤”

-"I'm buying a churro making machine. I'm having these for breakfast every day. Oh my God!"

-"Laura took me to a park to see turtles. Can we get a pet turtle? 🐢".

-"Also, that's a point for her. Not Rodri. Not such a perfect tour guide if he didn't know I wanted to see the turtles 🤷".

-"Laura filmed me trying to read the menu in Spanish. That video will never see the light of day but I'll let you know it exists and it's incredibly embarrassing".

Rúben was glued to his phone, waiting for the next text. And he sent some back to you, joking about things like how much better the weather was in Manchester.

But as much as he loved the texts, he was so happy when you were finally back.

"I want you to tell me everything you did in Madrid. Even if I've seen it already".

"Oh, get ready for all the anecdotes. I'm not shutting up about it anytime soon", you laughed and then picked up a bag from your suitcase. "They didn't have magnets…".

So you bought him an Atleti keychain.

"What do I want this for?"

"To piss João off when you see him?", you shrugged and made Rúben laugh. It was a good reason to keep it.

A few days later, City lost another match. This time against Arsenal, so it hurt even more. And the press were back to talking about how bad the team performs without Rodri.

Rúben was going back to Portugal after the match for international break, but you wanted to make sure he was fine before he got on the plane and called him.

"I'm not listening to any of it. Don't worry".

"Pinky promise?"

His chuckle made you relax a bit. "Pinky promise".

You stayed on the phone for a bit longer and then it was time for him to get on the plane.

"You know, Rúben. You never asked me which city I liked more. Madrid or Lisbon".

"Ok. Which one did you like more?".

"Lisbon. Do you wanna know why?"

"Sure. Why?"

"Because I was there with you".

#ruben dias #ruben dias imagine #ruben dias one shot #ruben dias x reader #ruden dias angst #ruben dias fluff #footballer imagine #footballer one shot #footballer x reader #footballer fluff #footballer angst

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its-time-to-write · 6 months

Text

i hold it like a grudge - ch. 1

okayyy so I’m completely done with this fic! I’m editing my posts now, and I’m not sure if it’ll all get done tonight. Definitely tomorrow. Here’s the first chapter, hope you enjoy!

table of contents you have everything (you still want more)

To say you were blindsided would be a gross understatement.

You were metaphorically slapped in the face so hard that you feel like you have a broken neck due to whiplash.

Your boyfriend had been away for the week with his football team, and you hadn’t been able to go with him. So you’d done what any WAG would do and watched the match on his giant telly, all decked out in pale blue.

Life with Jamie Tartt as your boyfriend was great. You’d been dating since secondary school while he was in the academy. It was strange to go from chicken shop dates to meals that cost more than your rent. He’d promised to pay for your uni fees which was a godsend because there was no way you’d be able to afford it on your own. You both had a whole future planned together.

Which is why you’re shocked to see Jamie’s name in the papers, followed by the name Keeley Jones.

And a picture of them kissing.

You aren’t even googling him when you find out. You’re out for groceries of all things, groceries for his welcome-home dinner in a day and a half. His name catches your eye so you stop to smile at him before you realize what you’re looking at.

The world goes fuzzy, your gaze locked on their lips.

In a single moment, your world has been tilted completely on its head.

You find yourself in Jamie’s too-large flat, staring at your phone, willing yourself to press the green call button.

You take a shallow breath and hold the phone up to your ear. It rings once, twice, almost to the point where it’ll go to voicemail, but then you hear Jamie say, “What?”

“What?” you reply, “what do you mean, what? I should be the one asking you that? What the fuck are you doing kissing an instagram model??”

Jamie snorts and says four words that cause your heart to drop like a stone.

“We’re broken up, babe.”

Your breath is coming in too fast and too shallow. “When were you going to tell me that we fucking broke up? And don’t call me babe!” you choke out.

Jamie says, “Thought it were implied,” in a dismissive voice. It’s foreign to you. He’s never spoke to you- to anyone like this before.

“Right, okay, yeah, makes total sense. I find out we’ve broken up after seeing you in the papers with another girl,” you retort.

“Glad it’s finally clicking,” Jamie says. It’s strange how much he can hurt you, even through the phone.

A voice calls him in the background, a voice you presume belongs to Keeley Jones, and then there’s silence. He’s hung up.

You stare at your phone for a long, long time.

—

All you can think about is what you did wrong. You comb Jamie’s flat for anything that belongs to you, shove it into your car, and drive back to your own, too-small too-crowded flat.

You wonder if you were too clingy as you carefully fold up every Man City kit. You think it’s possible you weren’t affectionate enough as you stack every polaroid photo. You wonder if maybe it has to do with your physical appearance as you hunt for scissors and some matches.

You try to make yourself not care as you burn the photos and cut up the shirts.

Your hands linger over a maroon away kit. It was always your favorite, and for a moment you consider keeping it.

Then you remember Jamie saying, glad it’s finally clicking as though you never meant anything, so you grab the scissors and cut it into shreds.

—

Uni is out of the question. There is absolutely no way you’re going to be able to afford it so you start two full-time jobs.

Every day feels like a struggle to breathe. You get out of bed and tell yourself I can do this as you get ready for work and tighten your budget. The drowning feeling never quite goes away, but the months pass all the same.

You’re grateful that although you don’t save a lot of money, you’re able to pay your bills on time. Your flatmates generally leave you alone when you’re home, but you’ve found ice cream in the freezer with your name on it that you know you didn’t buy. They’ll place a blanket over you every time you fall asleep on the couch, and fervently ban all Manchester City merchandise from entering the flat.

Breakthrough comes in the form of a gift.

A literal gift, and one you’re giving, not receiving.

It’s a set of earrings for a friend, hoops with her name set around them. She wears them to work exactly once, and the next thing you know, orders are pouring in.

It’s enough that you quit one job, then the next, then hire both flatmates to help you in the evenings. Pretty soon, there’s an opportunity for you to open a small shop in a part of London. You get a larger flat (all to yourself!) and before long, Manchester blue no longer haunts you.

—

The bell above the door rings, signifying a customer.

“Hi, you okay?” you say from behind the counter. You turn around and lock eyes with Keeley Jones, followed by Jamie Tartt.

Just breathe.

Jamie looks spooked, well, he looks spooked to you. Not sure if anyone else would know his expressions well enough to catch the shock cross his face. Keeley smiles brightly, and you can see that same adoring look you used to have. Maybe a little muted, she’s more mature than you were, so she probably understands her role in this relationship. Enjoy it while you can, get out before it hurts.

You can’t think about it now so before Jamie can ruin anything more you decide to play dumb and fucking introduce yourself as though your ex-boyfriend and the woman he shagged behind your back aren’t in your safe space that you created to escape him.

Keeley didn’t know, you remind yourself, except at this point it’s more of a prayer of faith hingeing on Jamie’s apparent selfish nature. There’s a good chance he didn’t mention you, a far cry from the boy who used to follow you grocery shopping because he liked to be with you (and so he could slip his card in the register before you had a chance to protest).

“Hi, I’m Keeley,” she says with a smile. “This one’s Jamie, but you’ll be hearing more about him I’m sure. He’s a footballer on loan to AFC Richmond, and he’s fucking brilliant on the pitch.”

You copy her smile. “How can I help you?”

“I saw your earrings on instagram, and I absolutely had to get some. Then when we moved here, I wanted to see your shop! And this one said he’d get them for me, isn’t that sweet?”

Keeley wraps herself around Jamie’s arm, oblivious to the way he can’t figure out how to react.

He settles on a nod and a grunt, so you pull out different hoop sizes and letter fonts, and get to work.

She settles on gold, with tiny letters spelling Keeley.

“They’ll be ready for pickup in three days,” you say, ushering them out the door.

Keeley hasn’t stopped smiling this whole time and in contrast, Jamie hasn’t stopped frowning, but they’ve made their purchase and are headed down the street.

The moment they’re well and truly gone, you pull out your phone and Google, Jamie Tartt richmond. The top results are all about his loan from City to AFC Richmond, your Richmond; your escape is no longer an escape. It’s only a matter of time before his face is plastered all around town. The thought of it turns your stomach.

But there’s no way you’ll ever see him.

So you get through your day like normal, head back home, and play too-loud music through your headphones as you cook dinner. By the time it’s ready, you’re dancing to Islands in the Stream with all worries about Jamie firmly banished from your mind.

table of contents

#jamie tartt x reader #jamie tartt fanfiction #jamie tartt imagine #jamie tartt x y/n #jamie tartt x you #jamie tartt #ted lasso

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 5 months

Note

WIBTA for blocking my suicidal friend?

TW for suicidal ideation, mental health.I know this sounds bad but hear me out.

I (25F/NB) met F(26M) in January 2017, a few months after I started university through a mutual friend, and we quickly hit it off. We started dating a few months later. We split near the end of 2021, but aside from a few awkward months right after the split, we've stayed friends. We've both seriously dated other people: F had a girlfriend, A(mid-20s F), for a little under a year, and I've been dating my boyfriend, H (30M), for about 9 months.

Throughout the time we were dating, F and I had a few problems. Money was a big one: he would borrow money a lot and not always pay it back (either when he said he would or at all). He currently owes me about £8000 that he borrowed for uni. For most of the time since he borrowed it he hasn't been in work, so I haven't been pushing the matter. One of the last straws for our relationship was when he bought a brand new PS5 and lied to me about it when he had recently borrowed money from me.

The other big one was his mental health. F has been dealing with poor mental health for about as long as I've known him, but he refuses to do anything about it. He often talks about how much he hates his life and how he should just kill himself. He often punched himself in the head or punched walls when he was upset, but he refused to admit that this behaviour was unhealthy. He wouldn't go see a therapist or doctor, or speak to anyone except me. Once, when I was visiting family, he became upset about something and I was worried he would hurt himself, so I asked a mutual friend to check on him. He refused to let the friend in, and got very angry with me.I wanted to break up with him sooner but he'd often tell me I was the only good thing in his life, and I was scared he'd kill himself if I left him. We eventually broke up near the end of 2021. Fast forward to this summer. In August, A broke up with F and F had to move back in with his abusive parents. He initially asked to stay with me but I said no (I live in a tiny flat, I can't afford to financially support another person and to be honest I'm just not comfortable with it). I later changed my mind and offered him my sofa when I realised how bad the abuse was, but he declined.

Also in August, I found out my grandmother was dying. I went to see her with my sister and brother-in-law, and the same day received a message from F venting about his life. I replied with: "Hey I'm kind of dealing with something right now can you talk to someone else? I don't really have the emotional bandwidth rn"When he asked what was up, I told him my grandmother was dying. He expressed his sympathies, and told me that his stuff could wait. He sent me the following message four hours later: "I think I'm going to kill myself""I've totally ruined my life, I've got nothing except daily torture from my parents". Again, this is four hours after I'd explicitly told him I don't have the capacity for it. I spoke to my sister and brother-in-law (28F and 30M) about it and they both said I should block him.

In September I started a new job (I recently qualified as a teacher) which has been very challenging, exhausting and intense. My grandmother died at the end of September, so the past few months have been hard for me. He knows all this, but he keeps sending me all these messages about how much he hates his life and how he should just kill himself.

Early October, I was added to a group chat between A, F's ex, and a mutual friend Z. A told us that F had sent her an email that was essentially a suicide note. I called F and made sure he was okay, and passed that along to the group chat. F was angry that, as he perceived it, we'd been talking about him behind his back. He didn't speak to me for a day or so but quickly went back to normal.

At the end of October, the day before my grandmother's funeral, I woke up to a message that was essentially a suicide note. This was not the first time this had happened. I had a panic attack, though I'm not sure whether that was due to the message or imminent funeral. I send him some messages saying that I didn't want to receive these kind of messages unless it was actually something I could help with, that he wasn't respecting my boundaries and that the friendship had become entirely one sided. I told him that I didn't want to block him but I would. He seemed to accept that, but this morning I woke up to another suicide note message. After verifying that he was still alive (he is), I started writing this ask. I feel bad, but I'm so tired of doing all the emotional labour. I have my own shit to deal with and i'm not his therapist. WIBTA if I blocked him?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole #self harm cw #suicide cw

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ottogatto · 9 months

Text

I would like to submit two ideas because I think I'm poking something but not going in fully, so I would very much like your opinions and additions about it (of course, as long as they remain in good faith *side eyes possible antis viewing my post*).

Marauders and surface-level rebellion

I've finally put to words something that really bothered me with the Marauders, though I don't know the name for it.

It started when I read a reblog that said:

I remember Brennan saying “laws are just structured threats made by the ruling socioeconomic class” during an episode of D20 and we truly just had to stan immediately

This is something dear privileged white woman Rowling didn't realize/understand well, since she held a high socioeconomical status even during her """poverty""" stage. It's known that, despite seeming to be defending ideas of fighting against fascism and "pureblood" supremacy in favor of acceptance of the other, her books reek of colonialism/imperalism. The story of the Marauders, a gang of privileged boys like her, is an in-world replica of that problem where Rowling betrays yet again her actual mindset.

The Marauders adopt the "bad boys who break rules" to get style, while completely losing/staining the moral sense in it.

Let's take piracy.

Some people pirate stuff because they consider that the stuff they'd like to get comes from unethical companies that abuse their employees or use modern slavery, or people who spread harm against certain minorities (like Rowling against trans people and thus the LGBT+ community), so while they may want to access the content, they don't want to give them money and might even encourage pirating their stuff to make them lose money.

Some pirate stuff because otherwise it's lost due to unfortunate "terms of use" -- see video games companies like Ubisoft (deletes gaming account after a while), Nintendo (does not bring back old games), etc.

Others pirate stuff because they just don't have the money but they still want to try the stuff that might make them happy and forget that they're poor -- reasoning that the company isn't losing any money anyway, or not much, since they wouldn't have been able to pay for it in any case.

Others pirate stuff because they consider the price ridiculously high or they consider it shouldn't be something to pay for at all. (Like education stuff -- isn't education supposed to be free for all, so that it can actually uphold everyone's fundamental and unconditional ( = not conditioned by wealth...) right to have an education? Oh and before anyone asks: I've DEFINITELY bought the ~15 expensive books that's roughly worth 500€ in total and that my uni asked I buy to study and get my degree...)

Rowling's Marauders is a group that would pirate stuff just because they'd think it would give them an edge, because they'd think it would make them cool to be seen as "talented" hackers who "defy" companies. Companies... that their own friends and families would own, and as such, would find that kind of behavior funny and entertaining (while they would trash other people around for considering it).

Another example. In society, in history, it's been proven time and again that breaking rules -- going against the law -- is an eventuality that's important for everyone to consider, if they want to defend their rights. Anti-racism, feminism, LGBT Pride, etc, advanced because people broke rules. In USA states where abortion is currently being banned, women and minors (+ their close ones) must now consider breaking the rules to get an abortion. (Privileged people don't give a fuck about those people, and if they suddenly decide that (moral) rules don't apply to them and they will get an abortion, they will just take a plane ticket to a country where abortion is legal, fiddling with legal stuff if necessary thanks to the lawyers their fortunes can afford and the lobbies that they're instituting.)

Revolutions happened because people broke rules too. I particularly like the 1793 Constitution in France Because it asserts that the people have the right to break rules and riot if the power in place threatens their fundamental rights:

Article 35. - Quand le gouvernement viole les droits du peuple, l'insurrection est, pour le peuple et pour chaque portion du peuple, le plus sacré des droits et le plus indispensable des devoirs. Article 35. - When the government violates the people's rights, insurrection is, for the people and for each portion of the people, the most sacred of rights and the most essential of duties.

(Of course the power in place would state and enforce and make use of propaganda to say that it's completely illegal and illegetimate and that those who riot for legitimate rights are terrorists!)

Breaking rules is at the core of anti-fascism, anti-dictatorship, anti-totalitarianism. Breaking rules is essential when those rules are abusive. Too often, those who put those rules in place really are only setting their rules of the game to establish their power over the others. Or as the reblog says: "laws are just structured threats made by the ruling socioeconomic class".

Rowling's Marauders break rules because they are the socioeconomical class in power. As such, no one can do anything about it, no one will really tell them down for it. They get excused and justified and romanticized by their peers, just like billionaires & politicians are excused by their peers and notably mainstream media (which is owned... by other billionaires). They break rules -- not because they think it's necessary and the morally right thing to do despite the dangers it puts them in -- but because it makes them feel powerful, important, invincible, which for them is very fun. As Snape says: James and his cronies broke rules because they thought themselves above them:

“Your father didn’t set much store by rules either,” Snape went on, pressing his advantage, his thin face full of malice. “Rules were for lesser mortals, not Quidditch Cup-winners. [...]”

They break rules because they're allowed to.

Which is why, in reality, the Marauders aren't really breaking rules or defying anything or opposing an actual big threat. They're a bunch of jocks who are having fun in the playground that's been attributed to them thanks to their status and family heritage (others wouldn't get the same indulgence because they don't get that privilege).

They break rules because they want to look cool, to be the "bad boys". The message has been compleyely botched. Especially with Lily actually finding this hot.

Because Rowling finds this hot:

[...] I shook hands with a woman who leaned forward and whispered conspiratorially, 'Sirius Black is sexy, right?' And yes, of course she was right, as the Immeritus club know. The best-looking, most rebellious, most dangerous of the four marauders... and to answer one burning question on the discussion boards, his eyes are grey.

(Anyone has an eyes washing station?)

Another quote:

"Sirius was too busy being a big rebel to get married."

(Nevermind the eyes washing, anyone's got some bleach instead?)

Stanning James Potter for being the leader of a gang that prides itself on breaking rules and always getting away with it -- it feels like stanning Elon Musk for being "innovative" and "a daring entrepreneur" despite being a manchild who exploits workers and modern-world slavery to play with his billions while always getting away with it.

They're not being "rebels" -- they're being bullies and flexing the fact they can get away with it thanks to abundance of privilege. Those are the tastes of a posh British white woman. She wanted the facade -- not the substance (that is, if she ever understood it).

You might say that they did oppose a big threat, the Death Eaters, but again, it's botched because:

they target a lonely, unpopular boy who's best friends with a Muggleborn Gryffindor, rather than baby Death Eaters like Mulciber, Lucius, Rosier, Avery, Regulus, etc.

The leader sexually harasses the Muggleborn Gryffindor because he's sexually jealous of the unpopular boy who dared not take the insult about his chosen House and shut up. Lily is treated as an object, they don't listen to her, and they barely speak about her later. (Lots to say to show that, which I won't do here because this is not the main subject.)

When the Marauders do join the Order, they do it... because they primarily want to adopt a rock-n-roll style and play the "bad boys" again. Or at least that's the message that's given to the reader:

They seemed to be in their late teens. The one who had been driving had long black hair; his insolent good looks reminded Fisher unpleasantly of his daughter's guitar-playing, layabout boyfriend. The second boy also had black hair, though his was short and stuck up in all directions; he wore glasses and a broad grin. Both were dressed in T-shirts emblazoned with a large golden bird; the emblem, no doubt, of some deafening, tuneless rock band.

(God, the Prequel is so cringy.)

They don't choose Dumbledore as the Secret Keeper, they don't tell him they changed to Pettigrew -- even though he literally was their war leader -- James uses the Cape to fuck around even though he was supposed to be hiding with Lily and then Harry (until Dumbledore takes the Cape from him)... and eventually, their group exploded, with James killed off, Sirius thrown to Azkaban, Peter (the traitor) hiding as a rat and Lupin going off to find jobs to survive.

Why did that happen? Because they thought of playing their part in the Order like going on a teenage adventure rather than engaging in a resistance organization. It was, first and foremost, about playing "the bad boys" and having fun.

(Harry half-inherits this. While he doesn't break rules just to look cool, and actually has several moments where he does break rules because it's the right thing to do -- like under Umbridge or, of course, when Voldemort takes power -- he does often get pampered when he breaks them in his earlier years. By Dumbledore, but also McGonagall, however much Rowling tries to sell her as a "strict but fair" teacher. Or by Slughorn, now that I think about it. That's something that enraged Snape, as it brought up memories of Harry's father -- Snape's own bully -- getting the same treatment.)

It's not a coincidence that Rowling not only failed to properly convey through the Marauders the true value of breaking rules, but also lusted over them for adopting that "bad boys" trope. It speaks to her own privilege -- she who never had to put herself in danger and go against the law in a risky attempt to protect herself or other less privileged people.

(Here's a useful read to expand on those worldbuilding issues.)

2. Dark Magic, obscurantism and conservatism

For context: Opinion: The Dark Magic/Light Magic Dichotomy is Nonsense (by pet_genius).

The idea of "Dark Magic" as something that's repeatedly told to be "evil" magic and where you cross the line of the forbidden, while hardly putting in question that notion that was (for some reason) enforced by wizard society, is another blatant example of Rowling betraying her mindset of privileged British white woman.

Rowling couldn't put herself in the minds of a society of "outcasts (witches & wizards) deeply enough to consider they would not see any magic as "Dark" at all (being a ""Muggle"" concept), or that Dark magic is only magic that requires something unvaluable to be traded off -- like one's soul or health or life or sanity. Instead, she has Dark Magic defined as "evil" magic, even though her own books show that you can do evil stuff with normal magic, and that you can do morally good stuff with Dark magic. This thing happened because Rowling could not think past her own little world and instead she poured a conservatist mentality (+ typical "Muggle", anti-witch prejudice) into the HP (wizard society) worldbuilding without considering that there could, in fact, be fundamental differences between the two worlds that include thinking of magic differently. (This has a lot to do with Rowling's wizard world being a pro-imperalism fest.)

"Dark Magic" feels like a lazy, badly-executed plot device to tell the reader who's a good guy and who is not. Because of course, that's how things work in real-life, huh… (Did she ever hear of "don't tell, show"?) It's used as an excuse to define who's evil (teen Severus) or not (James), who's worthy or not -- not how their magic was used. Which is a BIG problem:

“I’m just trying to show you they’re not as wonderful as everyone seems to think they are.” The intensity of his gaze made her blush. “They don’t use Dark Magic, though.” / “Scourgify!” Pink soap bubbles streamed from Snape’s mouth at once; the froth was covering his lips, making him gag, choking him —

Even worse, Rowling doesn't follow her own in-world moral framework. Dark magic is acceptable for some people (Rowling's partial self-inserts: Dumbledore, Harry, Hermione to Marietta...) but not for those that Rowling hates (Snape, who ironically represents the closest thing to rebelling by unapologetically obsessing over the Dark Arts). Again, this is at best unadressed in-world hypocrisy, at worst an expression of in-world and out-universe privilege (I get to do this and stay a good guy, but you don't).

There could have easily been rightful criticism of whatever could be defined as "Dark Magic". What if Dark magic was just something defined as "Dark" usually because the power in place doesn't want the people to touch it? Is abortion or contraception or a sex-altering or a goverment-threatening spell, Dark Magic? Is foreign or ethnicity-specific or female-centered or queer-centered magic, "Dark"? How about showing why (Muggle-raised but also neurodivergent) Severus thought Dark magic was so great, showing his point of view, while also establishing where the true limits are? If Lily can't be the one who sees past the "fear-mongering anti-intellectualism/propaganda", how about Harry being the one who does, thanks to him relating to Snape on a personal level? How about making Hermione go from someone who condems Dark Magic, to someone who entirely changes her point of view and understands that this is all bullshit -- effectively showing the dangers of only following what the books say, without putting them into question or thinking by yourself? How about a nuanced view of Dark magic as something that requires a significant sacrifice, which is conceivable for something they see as equally or even more important [Lily's life for Harry; Snape's soul integrity for Dumbledore]? How about making the Death Eaters, people who deviate that legitimate interest, rather than just evil guys who thrive in Dark magic for its supposed added evilness? How about showing that Dark magic was just a notion invented by Muggles to throw "witches" (real or not) to the burning stakes -- later taken by the witches and wizards in power to define, in the magical community, what was okay or definitely forbidden because it's the trademark of those who represent a threat to the magical community (understand: people who riot or strike or protest against the ruling socioeconomical class' politics)?

But there was none of that.

"Dark" magic in HP merely seems to be a weird concept that at best accidentally takes the form of an in-world obscurantism, at worst is just the trademark of someone who cannot imagine a "hunted, ostracized" community with a different culture and mindset than her own. Aggravating is the fact that she used "Dark magic" as a plot device to magically cast some people as good and others as never bad – again, probably reflecting her own questionable mentality.

The fact Rowlnig invented the notion of Dark Magic and had her world consider it seriously as an evil thing instead of being open-minded seems to be less telling of her wishes to show a wizard society that can be as prejudiced as the muggle one, and more of her own bizarre world where you must be evil if you are knowledgeable in or interested in certain "taboo" things (RIP neurodivergents).

Rowling glorifies the Trio and the Marauders for breaking rules. Yet when it comes to actually breaking expectations and norms, notably in the wizarding society -- like the use of another magical species as slaves, or the blatant anti-Muggle prejudice held by everyone including "good guys" (or anti-centaur while we're at it), or stupid anti-knowledge prejudice like "Dark magic is evil" -- there is none of that. At best, it's surface-level opposition that comes out as white savior syndrome. At worst, the protagonists make it their noble code to enforce those norms, and "sinful" characters (Snape, for one) are punished for not conforming. Too often, those sinful characters are punished by the "good guys" with the very thing that they apparently oppose so fervently.

Without ever adressing the fact that those characters were ("morally") allowed to do that because it was just, in the end, a matter of who gets the privilege to do that, and who does not.

There.

Do you have anything to say to develop on those ideas? I feel like I'm reaching my knowledge limit and I'd like to see if those ideas can be expanded.

#pro snape #severus snape #harry potter #dark magic #sectumsempra #anti marauders #anti jkr #fuck jkr #classism #imperalism #colonialism #hp #hp books #hp prequel #obscurantism #bad boys #piracy #virtue signaling

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20-th-centurygirl · 9 months

Text

waves

jude bellingham x fem!reader

summary: a late night beach walk reunites you with your ex in the best way possible

a/n: i'm abit unsure on this bc it's been a while since i attempted to write a full fic but enjoy. i also might make a part two if that's something anyone wants to see <3

𖡼.𖤣𖥧𖡼.𖤣𖥧

you'd taken a break from the flowing drinks and crowded club to walk to the beach. in hindsight a girls trip to madrid was an idea that should've stayed in your group chat.

the sun had almost set, the gentle sound of the waves crashing against rocks soothing all of your worries. uni had drained you massively and you needed a break.

you knew you couldn't stay much longer, the darkness that was beginning to blanket the sky making you feel a little uneasy. as you were walking back you saw a tall figure at another part of the beach. you couldn't help but feel drawn to him, something about his presence sucking you in. any other time you'd feel unsafe, but this stranger brought you an immense feeling of comfort and safety. you had nothing to be afraid of.

something in you told you to walk over to him. a decision that seemed impulsive and risky but the adrenaline that ran through you told you differently. his head cocked to your direction at the sound of your heels coming his way. you got closer and closer until a streetlight illuminated his face. it was jude.

you had no doubt that his bewildered expression matched yours. "y/n" his voice was confident but his eyes said otherwise. you could still read him like a book no matter how hard he tried to put up a front. "jude" you matched his tone.

a few seconds felt like decades, both of you unsure of what to say. jude broke the tension first "i'm sorry. i never meant to hurt you. you know that don't you?" his confidence had slipped and you sensed the vulnerability in his voice "but you did jude. you did hurt me" you whispered back. memories flooded back to you far too fast and the need to you had to leave was overwhelming. you'd forgotten all about jude bellingham and you weren't ready to remember him.

"i didn't think i had a choice. it was end it and give you the chance to follow your own dreams or force you to watch me follow mine. neither of those options were fair but i had to choose the one i thought was right. i know it was fucked and i'm still so sorry for hurting you but i had no choice"

"if you had to do it again what would you do?

"i'd do the same thing. i know it's horrible but i couldn't live with myself knowing i'd forced you to live in a foreign country with you resenting me for taking away the life you've spoken about since we were 13" his cheeks has a few stray tears falling down his face and the sight broke you in a completely different way.

"i forgive you jude. i know why you did it. i hated you at the time but i got into my first choice uni. and i wouldn't be able to do that without you. thank you"

"can i hug you?" he whispered, the fear in his voice unlike anything you'd never heard. you only nodded, allowing him to hold you for the first time in years.

his arms wrapped tightly around you waist, his chin resting against your head as he screwed his eyes shut. you could feel judes tears on your hair, your own soaking his shirt as you gripped him tightly. "i never wanted to lose you, i still love you so fucking much" he mumbled into your hair, kissing you lightly.

you eventually pulled back, still holding his waist loosely. "i love you too jude." his gentle smile giving you goosebumps. "where are you staying now?" he asked, taking your face into his hands and stroking your cheeks with his thumb. "in a hotel. it's only two minutes away. can you walk me back?" he shook his head "no, 'm not letting you stay in some hotel by yourself. come back with me" "jude i can't just-" he pressed a finger to your lips "i'm not bringing you back to try fuck you or anything. you can have my bed and i'll go on the sofa and we can talk everything through in the morning."

"are you sure? i don't wanna intrude"

"yes i'm sure. moms gonna be happy to see you aswell."

you grinned at jude as he took your hand in his. you both walked hand in hand back to his new flat, catching up and reflecting on past memories as you both prepared to make many more.

#jude bellingham #jude bellingham x reader #jude bellingham imagine #jude bellingham blurb #footballer x reader #footballer imagine #football imagine

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cumikering · 8 months

Text

Soft Gaz x reader

2.2k | comfort, fluff, confession

My second submission to @glitterypirateduck ‘s Gazfest! (one-shot, what did you just say)

“So we’re both single now, huh.” Gaz tried to lighten the mood, glancing at you sideways as he drove off.

You chuckled. “I guess so.”

He could tell you were still a touch emotional after your conversation half an hour ago.

He had texted you last night asking if you were free for lunch as he was going to be in the area to run errands. When he called to tell you he was on his way to pick you up, he didn’t expect you to tell him that you had broken up with your boyfriend at all.

“How are you feeling?”

“Well, this happened weeks ago, before your last deployment. I know I’m still pissed off, but I can say I’m doing much better now, which is why I could finally tell you.” The corner of your lips pulled as you huffed. “I know it’s a bit late, but you know me. I need time to sort my feelings out before I can talk about them.”

He indeed knew you. “Do you want to tell me what happened?”

“I found out he’d been constantly lying to me for years now. Just that I was too stupid to see it, because I trusted him.”

“Can I say something?” He stole a glance. “I always thought you were too good for him.”

“Oh, really now?” you teased. “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.”

“No, I mean it. I’ve known you a few years now, and I feel I know what you’re like. I don’t think he deserved you - that’s all.”

You shook your head, smiling. Gaz wasn’t the chattiest, but he had a way with words. He knew how to cheer up those close to him.

He could tell you didn’t believe him. “I mean, you were already with Hayden when we met. I was in no position to say anything about that, and it was a bit too late too, wasn’t it? Ask Alex, we talk shit about him every once in a while we game.” He deadpanned, “We think he’s more than a bit of a man-child.”

Alex was his sixth form friend and your uni friend. You met when Alex hosted a BBQ at his place years ago. He pointed Gaz in your direction when he asked who brought the mind-blowing tray of nachos. He didn’t usually like going to large gatherings, especially when he didn’t even have much time off work, but he was beyond glad he came that evening.

Gaz was instantly drawn to your cheerful and outgoing personality. You lit up the room with your diamond mind and he could have talked to you for hours and hours – he was hooked from the start. Later that night, as he finally worked up the courage to ask you out, seeing Hayden greeting you with a kiss felt like a punch to his gut.

You broke into a laugh. “I suppose that’s true, yeah.” You nodded to yourself. “I just wish someone would have told me something.”

“I know you, you wouldn’t have listened anyway. And even if you did, then it would have been me to break you up, when it really had to be you. It should be coming from you, not anyone else.”

“Oh God, I’m feeling even more embarrassed now for staying for so long.” Your head thudded as you leaned onto the window.

“I don’t think you should be embarrassed at all. It shows how patient and understanding you are, and every relationship needs that. I know you feel like it’s a waste of time, but no relationship is. Either you get what you want, or you learn what you don’t want.”

He could tell you were smiling even that you looked out the window. “That’s a nice way to put it. I’m already thinking logically about this, but I still can’t help feeling embarrassed and pissed off about how long it took me to see the relationship as it was. I wish someone hated me enough to tell me.”

His brows furrowed as he stole another glance. “Hate you? Why would anyone hate you? We care about you.”

“I know, which is why I said I wish someone hated me enough to say something, someone who wouldn’t care about ruining my relationship. You guys are too nice.” You paused, chuckling a bit. “I wish someone would have slapped the rose-coloured glasses off my face. I must have looked stupid anyway.”

He smiled. “I guess it takes some time to get over it, but in the end you just have to own it. It’s his problem he can’t see your worth and won’t treat you right.”

Gaz pulled up at the Italian restaurant he picked. He knew pasta would have comforted you a bit. Your long skirt dragged across the seat as you got off the car, the flowy fabric fluttering in the wind behind as you walked by him.

“How are you feeling, Kyle?” you asked after the waiter left with your order.

He shrugged. “I’m fine. We were just dating, nothing serious.” He thought back to the last girl he was seeing for a few weeks – you must have heard from Alex. It didn’t take him long at all to see she wasn’t what he wanted, most importantly who he wanted.

“Was any of your relationship even serious?” you teased.

“Not in the past few years. I mean, relationships take a lot of work, especially with my deployment and all. Why would you make it serious if you don’t even like the person? Now that would be a waste of time.”

You laughed. “Yeah, I know. Don’t be stupid like me.”

“Did you not even like him?”

“I did, I really did. It’s just it hadn’t been the same since I found out about his lies last year. I fought for the relationship, but it got increasingly difficult the more lies I discovered, and I guess by then I had already started falling out of love.” You sighed. “I’m sad it had to end, because I really did love him. He was special to me. But now that I’m out of it, I can see how dysfunctional it was and I can say I’m much happier now even that I’m still picking up the pieces. So if I were to say I wasted my time, it was probably just the last year.”

“That’s great. I’m glad to hear you’re happier.” He smiled. “You deserve it.”

“Thank you.” Your eyes twinkled at his words.

Oh, she was the sweetest thing. “You deserve someone who brings to the table as much as you do, someone who values you. Most importantly, you deserve someone who’s willing to fight for you.”

“You can stop with the sweet talking. You’re going to make me blush.”

He chuckled. “Busted. That’s what I’ve been trying to do.”

“Ok, I think it’s fitting to ask this now seeing the circumstances. I’m curious. What have you learnt from dating so far?”

He took a moment to think. “The last few people didn’t actually teach me anything new. Just that you can’t get into dating hung up, or you’ll just keep getting disappointed, and it’s unfair for the people you’re dating.” He stole a glance, feeling silly pretending to not be talking about you. “Can’t go to KFC wanting to eat Nandos. It will just be a crappy imitation, like a placeholder that will never hit the spot.”

“I didn’t realise you’re still hung up on your ex. It’s been years now.”

He shook his head. “Nah, not her. That took a while, but I’m definitely over her.” He paused. “You know, I always had a feeling Hayden didn’t like me. He always got quiet when we talked.”

You thought back. “I wouldn’t say he didn’t like you. It’s just he did say a few times he felt left out, because he didn’t know of the things we talked about. I think that made him a bit insecure.”

“I agree. I don’t think you know how much people like you, how you make everyone feel good around you. He can’t do that, and I think he was a bit envious about that too.”

“Okay, you really need to stop with the compliments, Kyle.” You smiled, feeling bashful.

The waiter served your orders and Gaz watched as you took the first bite of your truffle pasta, humming in delight.

“Oh wow, this is wonderful,” you said before taking your next bite.

He looked pleased with himself. “I hope you can take my recommendations seriously now, because I got a bunch of places I know you’d love.”

The table was cleared as you waited for dessert. By now you looked more cheerful than when you first got in his car. You relaxed as you took in the atmosphere of the restaurant.

On the other hand, Gaz’s heart beat faster at the anticipation of your reaction. He had been rehearsing this for the past hour, but before this, years already until he finally gave up seeing how happy you looked with Hayden. Despite that, he still couldn’t get you off his mind.

He cleared his throat. “I think I deserve to be honest.” He gulped. “I’ve always liked you ever since I met you, far more than I’d like to admit.”

“W- what did you just say?”

“I tried so hard to forget you, but you just… get me. Being with you is so easy,” he continued. “I dated quite a few times over the years, but every time I meet someone new, I keep wishing it was you. I’m kissing them but pretending it’s you.”

You held your breath. He wasn’t expecting any positive feedback, but his heart weighed heavy nonetheless.

“Wow, that’s a lot to take in,” you said, blinking a few times. “I never believed when Hayden said you had feelings for me.”

“Okay, now that’s embarrassing.” His shoulders sagged as he averted his gaze. “Alex could tell instantly, but I didn’t realise Hayden could too. I thought I hid it well enough. I guess that explained that tension I kept feeling between us.” He let out a sheepish chuckle.

You were silent for a bit longer. “I’m sorry, I really don’t know what to say.”

“That’s fine. I wasn’t expecting an answer. I’m just happy to finally say it out loud.” He gave you a small smile. Maybe he could finally move on now.

“Truth be told, I was with Hayden the whole time I knew you, so I never thought of you as anything more than a friend, as I should,” she began. “I know you’re a great guy and I always enjoy spending time with you. I’m not proud to admit this at all, but I found myself every once in a while wishing I could talk to him like I talk to you.”

He went limp at your words, knowing you thought about him at all sent his heart racing.

The waiter came back with your desserts at the most inopportune time, interrupting the words he’d imagined hearing from you for so long. His eyes lingered on his raspberry panna cotta, avoiding yours as the air hung heavy.

“I can’t lie and say that I’m not at least a tiny bit happy you’re single,” he joked. ”I didn’t know you had your troubles, but if you say you’re happier now, which is the most important thing, then I’m happy for you too.” He glanced at you.

You gave him a soft smile before you looking away – your thinking stance.

“You don’t… Have to say anything, really.” He casted his gaze downward as the silence continued. ”I’m sorry for putting you on the spot. I know I’m risking the friendship. As much as it hurts to imagine, I feel I owe myself the relief of being honest… Even that I’m really regretting it right now.”

You were still deep in thought, he wasn’t even sure you heard him. He dug into his dessert, hoping it would soothe his nerves a bit.

You took small, slow bites of your tiramisu. He stared at his plate as his heart sunk more and more. He prepared himself to endure the silent ride back to your place, which probably would be the last time he saw you. Or even if he was to see you again, you wouldn’t be the same. He had ruined your friendship, and with that he lost his favourite person.

“I’m sorry. Please just- I don’t know what I was thinking-“ he blurted.

“Can I ask why you’re telling me this now?” You looked up.

He froze, gripping the little spoon. “Because it’s the closest thing I can get to a closure. It’s been torture, wanting something you can’t have.”

“I think…” you trailed off. “It’s not right now, but I’d love to give it a try.”

His eyes met yours as his heart leapt, unable to contain his grin. You smiled, biting your lower lip.

“I’ve waited three years. I don’t mind waiting a bit more. You’re worth it.”

My Gazfest art submission and fluff

My fellow Gaz simp: @sofasoap

#gazfest #call of duty #cod #cod mw2 #cod x reader #call of duty x reader #gaz #kyle gaz garrick #call of duty mw2 #cod mwii #gaz x reader #gaz cod #kyle gaz garrick x reader #cod fanfic #call of duty mwii #gaz call of duty

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thatfreshi · 7 months

Text

"Just Drunk" (Uni AU P. 13)

tw - drunkenness, mentions of abuse

The date with Halsin goes off without a hitch. No funny business happens of course, nothing further than a peck on the cheek. It's late when you get back, with no text from Astarion. At this point it's the early hours of the morning, close to three, and you hear two familiar male voices out in the hall.

"God, I don't know how they made you an RA! You're sloppy drunk right now Astarion, it's embarrassing."

You were about to go to sleep, but apparently not anymore.

"Gale, you're such a Debbie Downer! What, can I not have a little fun?"

"No, not when you can barely walk. Did you drive here?"

"A magician never tells."

When you open your door, rubbing your eyes at the bright lights in the hall, you do indeed see Gale and Astarion, the latter leaning awkwardly against the wall.

"Thank God. Please Tav, talk some sense into him."

At this point, your albino friend is laughing to himself over nothing, clearly hysterical.

"Oh Gale, you think Tav can fix this? You think any of you can fix this?! I'm doomed! Entirely doomed! And there's nothing either of your sorry souls can do about it."

You don't know what to say. Sure, he said he was going to go get drunk, but you figured it was the kind of thing where he'd have like three drinks and just get a little loose, have some fun.

"Aster, did you really drive back to campus like this?"

Deep down, you know he's not going to answer your question with any reason, and it pains you. Everything about him right now pains you, in a way you've never felt before.

"So what if I did? Should I have called you, asked for you to drive me home? So you can keep saying pretty things at me, so you can keep getting my hopes up?"

He slides to sit down in the hallway while you and Gale just watch, unable to look away.

"It's just like he says you know. Without the magazines covers, the fashion shows, I'm nothing! Just some sad broke kid who wanted to go to law school. What a joke..."

You go to grab his hand to pull him up, to try and lead him back to his room, but he pulls the sleeve down as he stands, showing Gale all the scabbed marks you saw before, back when they were open wounds.

"Look! You think I'm so pretentious right? That my life is so perfect? Look Gale, look at them! Think you're so cool now huh? All those times you and Shadowheart talked behind my back... and now you want to be friends? All because some stranger told you I'm a good person?"

You're holding him up at this point as Gale stands in shock, unsure of what to say.

"Astarion, you need to go back to your room now. This isn't helping anyone."

You motion to Gale to help you with the lanky drunk, and he comes to your aid, trying to avert his gaze from that ripped-up arm. When you get the chance, you pull his sleeve back down. After a lot of mumbling from Astarion and some awkward movement down the hall, you get to his door. Luckily the RA master keys work on all the rooms, so Gale scans in. You lead him into his bedroom.

"Gale, can you get some water? God damn it Astarion, why?"

He's not all there anymore, starting to lose the rage he had before he got back into his room. Mumbles come out of his mouth, words you don't hear as you take off his shoes.

"What did you say?"

"I said... how was Halsin? He's a sweet one, isn't he?"

"Don't worry about that right now Aster, we need to get you some water and you need to get to bed."

As if on cue, Gale comes in with a cup.

"I don't want it from him."

Astarion glares at his fellow RA, and you motion for him to leave.

"I got it, thank you so much Gale, really."

He leaves the cup with you and makes his way out of the dorm. You try to hand the pale man the water, but he simply ignores you, staring somewhere that isn't even existent. Instead, you leave the water on his nightstand, and try to get him to lie down. When he does finally go supine, you sit by him on the bed for a moment, realizing just how horrible you feel. He tries to say something, but drifts off, falling asleep soon after.

After you know he's fully unconscious, something in you just snaps, and you start sobbing. It's impossible. His entire situation is simply impossible, and he's right. There's nothing you can do about it. You can say all the nice things you want, give him all the stuff he already knows, but there's no way out. At least not an easy one. Something in your heart winces though, as if you need to throw up, you're filled with both concern and disgust. This soul you've gotten to know so quickly, he's become such a staple, and yet lives are so fleeting. What if he hadn't made it back? Even worse, what if he had hurt someone else on the way back? That fear swallows you whole, and you decide not to leave, instead walking out to sleep on the couch.

When you awake the next morning, it's to the sound of the damned espresso machine. You rub your eyes, and look up towards the kitchenette, and surely enough there's Astarion, wide awake, even if he looks like a train wreck. For the first time ever, you see his hair a mess.

"Good morning."

He sips his coffee, and you slowly sit up. You're not sure what to say, the night prior very clear in your head. When you do go to open your mouth, he talks before you can start.

"I'm sorry you had to see that spectacle last night. I expected you'd be in bed with the hippie."

With coffee in hand, he walks over to sit next to you on the couch.

"Been a while since I've been quite that drunk."

"You... you really scared me."

Your eyes well with tears again.

"I was fine darling, just drunk."

"Yeah, but you were saying a lot of scary, sad things. You, you showed Gale your arm, yelled at him."

"I remember, sadly. Guess I'll have to deal with that at some point, but I have to leave for the fitting soon."

"You're still going to that?"

"Of course. Tav, this isn't optional. Cazador, he's not the kind that you just play disappearing games with."

That hopelessness from last night, it swims back into your system, infecting your entire nervous system. You're sick to your stomach.

"You can't! You can't... you can't go."

You're choking out sobs at this point, begging some kind of higher power to undo all of this. Astarion doesn't know what to say, unsure why you're crying so much. This is just life, and the lows are extremely low.

"That's not how it works darling. I have to. It's just how things are."

There's nothing else to say, because he's right. It just hurts, to watch him in pain, and you know only more awaits after last night's choice to ignore Cazador's phone call.

"I'll be okay. I've been through worse."

And then he gives you a weak smile, but it's genuine. A tear drops out of one of his eyes, landing on the couch.

"Now, it's best if you get going. But maybe I'll see you later?"

"Yeah... yeah, I'll see you later."

You get up and wipe at your eyes, grabbing your phone off the coffee table.

"Oh, and how were things with Halsin?"

How could he even ask about such a thing, at a moment like this?

"It... it was fine."

In truth, it was much better than fine. And yet, the memory fades in comparison to this, to what you feel right now. But, just what is it? He says nothing in return, and you leave, letting the question of what feeling is nagging at you haunt you for the rest of the day.

#baldur's gate 3 #astarion #astarion x reader #astarion x tav #angst #freshiau #gale of waterdeep #halsin

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theflagscene · 2 months

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Wait! How!? When!? Where!? How is White suddenly there!? How did Tee meet White!? You can’t just play upbeat music and have the boys running around to show the passage of time and not explain how the fucking villain of the story got the most adorably innocent lil princess boyfriend on the planet!

Phee, bringing Jin on a date to the same place you and Non liked to go is just weird. I hate people who use the same ‘date’ spots for their new partners that they used with their past partners and no, this isn’t me projecting, why do you ask!? Lmao 😂 shut up it’s still tacky af

‘Friend’ the dreaded word.

What is with the ass slapping and window sex!? I mean, I get that they’re supposed to 18 year old boys, who are by definition perverted, but that was some porn level shit. Also, again, no prep. Phee wasn’t even the one blown so it’s not like they were even using spit for lube, or an already lubed condom. What is this, another ABO show? Just having the dudes slick and sliding all over one another apparently.

Ta’s got a decent ass at least, good for him.

“Did you cheat on my brother?” Nah, pretty sure they broke up when Phee saw him being raw dogged by the teacher and then told him to go die, but whatever helps you sleep at night Tan.

“Don’t fall in love with him.” Yeah, I think it’s too late for that.

Oh, mom is not looking so great. Hmm, something tells me that video isn’t real. Mom knows what’s up, it’s finally hit her, her baby’s dead. The actress did a fantastic job of a mother realizing the truth of the death of her child, it’s a startling realization that does take your legs out from under you. Your mind blanks, you can’t think about anything but the last time you saw them, the last terrible thing you said, all you can do is try not to scream. - That got a little too dark and real, sorry.

news.boc.com Cute BoC, very cute.

How long were Phee and Jin supposed to have been fucking by now? Weeks? Months? Because Jin has gotten very emotionally invested very quickly, which is appropriate for teenagers I suppose.

Two years, so they’d be in their what, second year of uni? Tan has gone full mad scientist I see.

Wait, he called to tell Tan that his mom was dead and it was her funeral that day and he just showed tf up! When his dad thought he was still in England!? Lmao, that’s fricking hilarious. I know, I know, wrong reaction to this scene but I’m weird, what can I say.

Oops, bye bye daddy. No wonder Tan is so fucking nuts! That would drive anyone insane. He literally needs Non to be alive otherwise he’s lost everything for nothing.

Is Tan his own guinea pig for his drugs!? Jesus dude, get some help.

Question, were Phee and Jin fucking during their time at university too? Or are you telling me all this ‘I love him’ crap was from one night of decent dick and a few ‘best friend dates’? Like the math ain’t mathing, establish a better timeline here for me when it comes to their relationship because in the first episode it made it seem like they were screwing around for a really long time, months at the very least. But now it seems like they fucked around a couple times in one 12 hour period, Jin decided that was enough to wanna date, caught Phee in a mood because of the fake news report and then they just… what? Kept fucking? Stopped? Jin carried a torch for him for over two years after one night together? Acted like a scorned lover for years because of a single teenaged tryst? Not to be that guy, but girl, you’re coming off a little desperate. I need a more accurate timeline!!!

“This won’t kill them.” Tan, could you try and be a tad more convincing when saying that?

That was a fantastic look from Tan to end on, ngl. Although someone needs to save baby White!

Next episode, we’re back in the present for the most part it seems. Jin somehow still trusts Phee, Fluke somehow gets the gun back and oh look, he holds White hostage, poor bb did nothing, leave him alone! And Tee clearly does know what happened to both Non and Keng as he runs up onto the roof where his uncle is to see the pair… unconscious? Dead? One of each?

I want some backstory about how White fits into all of this next time as well, that would be great. Although considering how little the timeline of events during grade 12 are fully explained, I doubt knowing more about White would make very much sense at this point.

#Lynn watches DFF #dff the series #dff spoilers #dead friend forever #pheejin #teewhite

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